Tumgik
#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus
deus-ex-mona · 1 year
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little brothers and their will to #slay, man </3
#while yes yes this post technically does apply to the simp bros i wanna cry about my own bro in the tags so you have been warned~?#so to start off my monthly existential crisis rant i just wanna say that… i’m so so soo envious of my bro. like to a really unhealthy extent#he’s tall enough to reach the top shelves. i can barely touch them if i jump. he has so many friends and even a gf. i have 0 irl friends.#he is able to sit in one spot and focus on his studies. i can’t even sit down for a full half hour to *eat* without getting up to take a nap#he’s learning how to drive. i can’t. he was admitted into university. i wasn’t. he’s able to find what he likes and stick to it. i can’t.#like mannn. he thrived in the course he chose in tertiary education while i lost my passion for it in the middle of my first year.#he’s good at picking up everything he tries (puzzle cubes; bball; you name it he’s good at it) while i’m just. bad at everything i try lol#he’s very good at his studies (aside from languages) and sports. i’m not good at anything at all.#he gets told that he has a great sense of humour. i’m just. boring and annoying. lolllll#he’s super sociable and he has good relations with pretty much every single family member (sans me). i’m not in contsct with most of the fam#heck he was pretty much the favourite from the moment he was born. his baby pics still get brought up from time to time bc of how cute he is#(granted it’s bc he looks like a bby m*ch*l*n man (like the tire company mascot) and he’s super cute in them but still)#and he’s also a guy and content with being a guy which is just… not fair y’knowwww~~~ asian family boy biases and all (cries)#our father pretty much cast me aside once my bro was old enough to hang with him. and even before then the bias was as clear as day. >:(((((#i make the dude mad? i get screamed at and whaccced. bro gets the dude mad? he gets a lesson on how to throw punches instead!!! like wow!!!!#he’s the only one who got to escape any direct physical harm from the guy and yet!!!! he was the 1st one to be singled out for trauma focus#idk if it’s bc of his age back then or whattttt but i can’t believe i had to friggin’ ask my therapist back then for a trauma assessment :(#2015 was a different time… my bro managed to succeed in school while i was rejected from the drama club for being too depressed :((((#but i’m sure my bro has his own share of struggles… and i’m glad that he has a few groups of friends to chill with. really.#but i just can’t help feeling extremely envious of him. i could never tell him any of this though we hardly talk at home lol#and he pretends not to know me when i approach him in public lmfaoooo. i don’t blame him though; i’d do the same if i were to approach me#so yeah. if you read this i’m sorry for being cringefail and bad at everything~~ am i still allowed to pollute your dash~? <3#and also. idk if i’ll be able to continue sischange over this week bc i’ll be handling 2 workstations by meself :( and idk how tired i’ll be#but we’ll see ok~? sorry for having zero time management skills am i still qualified to be a legit adult~?#sunday’s 🧂saltfest🧂
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Venomous Teachings au: The Underworld Duo
Talking more about this au bc I’ve got brainworms, so I’m starting off talking about my blorbos: Garmadon and Nya
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So Nya is captured by the Skulkin like in cannon, and she’s taken to the Underworld.
After a few days, she gets a visit from the man behind the Skulkin, Wu masquerading as the Dark Lord Garmadon. He’s wearing a mask and a big cloak and has something that changes his voice, so she doesn’t recognize him as the weird old man who came by the blacksmith shop just before the Skulkin attacked.
He says some ominous stuff, telling Nya that she won’t be harmed, he just needs something from her brother, and then she’ll be released. Nya gets pissed, yelling at him to stay away from Kai, and when Wu ignores her and turns away to leave, she throws her shoe at him, knocking his mask off and recognizing Wu.
This pisses him off immensely, and he then tells her that she will never leave the Underworld now, but he isn’t going to kill her yet bc she might be useful with something. He Samukai to have her locked up deep in the Skulkin’s base, and then he leaves.
While being moved from where she’s being held, Nya is rescued by Garmadon in a Skulkin ‘disguise’, which is just a big cloak and a kinda crappy mask. It’s very effective.
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He has one for her to wear, and the two are able to make it to a rather run-down Skulkin vehicle that Garmadon stole years ago and escape.
They make it back to Garmadons ‘home’, which is a cave, where Nya learns what’s really going on; the weird 6′10″ man-cat that just saved her is the real Garmadon, they guy who kidnapped her is his evil little brother Wu, and the fate of the world rests on Wu not getting ahold of the Golden Weapons that Garmadon hid years ago
When Garmadon realizes who Nya’s parents are, he realizes that Wu went after the siblings bc he needed Kai to get the Sword of Flame, and Nya was probably taken to give him a reason to help Wu
Nya immediately wants to get back to Ninjago to shove her other shoe up Wu’s butt, but there’s a small issue.
The only way to move between the Underworld and Ninjago is with one of the Skulkins vehicles, but the one that Garm stole had that part severely broken, and he hasn’t been able to figure out how to fix it. The fact it was broken was why it was so easy for him to steal it in the first place.
With Nya’s help and mechanical talent, they get the vehicle fixed
After one year
During this year, Garmadon is helping Nya master her elemental powers, teaching her Spinjitzu, combat, survival skills, how to cheat at poker, etc. The two wind up growing close during this time, forming a familial relationship. But while all this is happening, Nya is...changing, in an unexpected way
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((I gave Garm a new outfit bc 1) it looked weird to me to have him not change when I was drawing these and 2) I gave him and Nya some of each others colors to symbolize them having formed a bond))
I’ll go into more detail about these lore changes in a future post, but while most Elemental lines started with the First Spinjitzu Master gifting elemental powers to certain trusted humans, Wind and Water come from being direct, physical descendants of Wojira.
Much like Garmadon, being in the Underworld for an extended period of time started to bring Nya’s not-human heritage to the surface. If either of them were normal humans, being stuck in the Underworld for a long period of time would have slowly killed them.
Neither of them know any of this, and both think its some form of corruption from the dark energies in the Underworld. For now.
Anyway, the two are eventually able to get back to Ninjago, but due to their changes and Garmadons unearned infamy, they have to cobble together some...interesting disguises
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If anyone asks, they just say they’re uncle and niece, and that a rare skin condition runs in the family.
Nya pretends that her horns are a part of her headband.
The hat does nothing, Garmadon just thought it completed the look.
But, the first thing they do is head to where Garmadon hid the Map to the Golden Weapons to try and make sure it doesn’t fall into his hands. They have their first confrontation with Wu’s ninja team there, but that’s for another post.
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alislandale · 2 years
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Morpheus x OC: So falls the world
Link to [part 2]
This started as Morpheus x Reader but as I continued to write it became harder and harder not to give the reader a personality, a physical description and she ended up becoming a character of her own. In any case, I hope you guys like it! I will try to only cover things that have been at least discussed in the netflix series as to not isolate tv sandman fans.
Part 1: No rest for the wicked.
"Why are you here?" A voice like velvet called. She focused her senses on its source. A creature, crouching a few feet away from her, enclosed by shadows, a pair of glistening orbs examining her.
"Here? The truth is..." she grasped for air "...I have no idea."
She took her eyes away from her dark interlocutor, but only for a moment to search her surroundings. A gothic building, now in ruins, crystals of all shades and colors, shattered on the floor, dilapidated stairs leading to a throne no longer fit for a king. Whispers of former glory.
The figure rose to its full height, its silhouette now resembling that of a man. He commanded authority with his every move and every word. His eyes shining like stars kept peering into her, menancingy.
She flinched at his scrutiny, taking a step back. She had never felt smaller, weaker and mundane than in the presence of this being.
"You have got nothing to fear" He said in responde. "If you answer my question."
"Where am I?" she felt her whole being tensing up. She wanted to avert his gaze, but she was drawn to it like a moth to the flame. And just as she was being undone by his gaze, she was searching him for something as well. As to what it was, it escaped her entirely.
"You do not need to concern yourself with that, woman. Only with what brought you here." His voice was calm yet firm. A terrible thought ocurred her. This wasnt a demon, or a monster. It was something vast and terrible, and inhuman. But she couldnt help it, a sense of deja vu.
"Why do I feel we have met before?" She asked futilely, as he lowered his gaze, bothered by her persistance. Still, in lack of answers, she could only reply to his questions with questions of her own. "Who are you?"
"I am not the one obliged to answers, neither you the one to make questions." He replied, while composed there was a note of annoyance in his voice he couldnt, or didnt want to, hide. The air around her had turned heavier, sturdier, almost corporeal, making it hard for her to take breath.
He took another step in her direction.
"Stay back!" She cried to no avail. As in direct defiance, he came even closer. She could now dilucidate the frame of his face, pale skin glowing beneath a curtain of black hair.
"You intend to command me?'" he mocked "I guarantee you, no harm will come to you if you answer my question. How did you come here?"
"I told you, I dont know where "here" is!" She couldnt help to grow more and more anxious by the second, the air around her was almost tangible.
"What are you intending to do?" He questioned. "Are you trying to escape? This is my realm, you are not permitted to leave until you answer my question. I will ask just once more. How. Did. You. Come. Here?"
His voice was like shards of glass, clear, sharp, dangerous.
Escape? How could she? Between fainting and drowning, she could barely conjure any words, let alone run. And even then, she knew she couldnt comply to his request.
"I... I can't breath."
He was close enough now for her to see his complexion in full. His skin was alabaster, smooth, flawless, almost as out of this world as were his eyes. A deep shade of blue like nothing she had seen before. Stars were swirling in their depths and if she stared long enough she felt she could have seen the whole cosmos in them.
But she had no time for that. She felt she was about to pass out. Fear was building up in her chest and nothing but one single thought occupied her mind.
"I want to go home." She claimed. The air around her condensed into a myriad of miniscule crystals, swirling around her.
His expression changed into something that could be described as annoyance, as someone who was deaking with an unruly child. He stretched an arm in her direction, his hands like a claw bent on grabing his prey.
"Not yet" He sentenced, as his fingers barely touched the fabric of her shirt
"I WANT TO GO RIGHT NOW." she sentenced with a yell she could barely recognize as her own. The sheer intensity of her voice made the crystals explode in midair, a thousand stars before her eyes, and soon she was there no more.
Lisa Malik woke up, in her small apartment in New Jersey, gasping for air like someone who had had her lungs filled with moldy water. She placed one hand on her chest, feeling her heart, its relentless heartbeat. This was the third time this week, and the ninth time overall. Always the same nightmare always the excruciating pain while waking.
She had seen several doctors that had advised her on the dangers of sleep apnea, a sleep disorder in which breathing stops during sleep. A condition that would no doubt strain her damaged heart even further. But all her sleep studied had come up normal.
She grabbed her chest even harder holding back the tears. She didn't want to die, not yet. But she couldnt help to think her days were numbered.
"Well, not today." she told herself. It was 4 o clock in the morning, she wasnt going to get anymore sleep. Not that night.
As she waited for her shower to warm up, a herculean task for the ran down pipes of her humble abode, she wondered why. Why swas it always the same nightmare? Why the man with stars in his eyes? What would he do if he ever reach her? If she couldn't escape in time?
And above all, why her?
And, without her knowing, across an ocean of intermingling dreams and realities away, the King of Dreams was asking himself the same questions.
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just-jordie-things · 3 years
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The Crown - Steve Harrington
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word count: 4462 warnings: dedicated to @high-functioning-fangirl02 <3
You’d give your life to protect these kids.  
These kids you’ve known since you started babysitting them in the sixth grade.  Back when Mrs Henderson hired you to watch Dustin.  Which essentially meant that you’d watch all of them.  But that was alright, over the past seven years of being their designated babysitter, you’d grown to love them all.
Mike Wheeler, the snarky little love-struck shit that you spent grieving with since losing Eleven.  Lucas Sinclair, the sweet boy with the occasional attitude whom you helped construct his Ghostbusters costume. Will Byers, the full time sweetheart that made you cookies for Valentine’s Day after hearing you complain about being dateless.  And of course Dustin, cute little button nosed Dusty with a trash mouthing tendency, whom looked up to you like a role model.
Hell, you were their role model.  Driving them to and from school, covering for them on late nights so they could finish their D&D tournaments.  Fiercely protecting them a year ago when Hawkins was Demogorgon infested.  Standing up for them when you’d see some upperclassmen picking on them.
Those who dared glance the wrong way towards The Party in your presence, were rumored to run home crying with a bleeding nose and terrified shriek.  You never put down the rumors… because maybe it had happened once or twice…
Over time The Party was no longer just a band of middle schoolers.  It had opened up to their babysitter, being you, a senior girl who had not many other friends.  Nancy Wheeler, Jonathan Byers, which the boys always claimed was strictly because of family relations.  Not because Dustin was still harbouring a crush for Mike’s older sister.  The town Sheriff, Jim Hopper, who’d proved himself not to be an asshole, and turned out an alright guy.  Joyce Byers, whom you loved like a mother and whom treated you like her own daughter.  You’d frequently been titled ‘the daughter she wished to have had’ which always raised a snarky response from her sons.  Maxine (just Max.  Never Maxine) Hargrove, a high spirited and not your typical girl that you grew fond of easily.  Especially since she was nothing like her big brother.
And then there was Steve Harrington.  Who… really just was at the wrong place at the wrong time and ended up getting roped into the mess that Hawkins Lab had created.  King Steve, as you’d known him before you’d officially met last year by fluke accident, was always the popular boy that had a pretty girl hanging off his arm.  You weren’t sure why that changed so quickly, why he didn’t put himself out there as much as he used to, didn’t party hard anymore, wasn’t bragging about the new girl he was with that week like he was known for.  Maybe that day, when he walked into the Wheeler’s house right as you Nancy and Jonathan were awaiting the Demogorgon’s arrival, maybe he changed then.
Or maybe it was after he’d been sucked into… whatever this all was… and he changed to keep the secret.  Or maybe it was after Nancy had broken up with him, around the same time he started growing closer to Dustin.
But right now as you watched him directing the kids, you were more aware that he wasn’t King Steve anymore, that you had been before.  Sure, you’d realized somewhere along the way he was different.  But it wasn’t until now that you noticed it completely as it was.
“No listen you little shits, no one, is going anywhere” Steve ordered, holding a wash rag in his hand and pointing it between each of the boys, and girl, that stood in front of him.
“Friggin’ pointless just staying here” Dustin grumbled, walking out of the room whilst still muttering.  Mike groaned loudly, dramatically, and left to the living room with Max and Lucas.  You knew that he was still plotting you get out there tonight.  Consequences and dangers be damned.
You looked to Steve with a sigh, a lazy smile on your lips as you walked past him to go after Dustin.  He watched you go, letting out a breath as well as he put his hands on his hips and standing alone in the hall with his thoughts.
He’d give his life to protect these kids.
“Dusty?” You called gently as you walked into the kitchen, seeing Dustin sitting on the floor against the dishwasher.  Your brows furrowed as you sat across from him by the cabinets.  “You alright kiddo?”
“Would I be sitting in here brooding if I was?” He quipped, though you knew he meant well.
“Sweetheart you’re too adorable to be a brooder” You laughed softly, pulling your knees up slightly.  “A pouter maybe, but not a brooder”
“Thanks y/n” He responded dryly.  You rolled your eyes in response to his sarcasm.
“Come on kid, open up a little.  It’s me” Your words were soft, which did prompt Dustin to consider explaining to you his thoughts.  “Please? If we make it out of this alive I’ll take you to the arcade.  I’ve got a big jar full of quarters I’ve saved up-”
“Okay okay I’ll take the bribe” Dustin caved with a laugh that made your mood lighten.  “Look it’s gonna sound lame and cheesy but… everyone else is helping.  Jonathan and Nance and Mrs Byers and Hopper and Elle, but what am I doing?”
“You’re staying safe” Your answer came out instantly, but it didn’t seem to be the one the boy was looking for.
“No I’m not, I’m sitting on the sidelines, watching everyone else go be heroes and getting hurt.  I’m not doing a damn thing!”
“Hey” You hummed softly, and scooted over closer to put your head on his shoulder.  “You’re a hero Dustin.  Don’t tell yourself any differently.  All of you are, Mike too, and Lucas, and Max, and-”
“Steve?” Dustin offered, and you nodded, looking at him confusedly by the strange tone of voice he used.
“Of course, why’re you looking at me like that?”
“No reason” Dustin shrugged nonchalantly, brushing off the uncomfortable air between you both.
“Alright well, you should believe me” You continued.  “Even if you don’t think so, you’re all my heroes, got it Henderson?” The boy smiled and nodded, prompting you to push the cap of his hat down playfully before he could get up and leave the room.
“Mike’s probably still planning his attack” He told you, but you shrugged and waved a hand.
“Let him plot and brood” You said, and Dustin’s mouth fell open.
“How come Mike can brood but I can’t?” You rolled your eyes, still waving your hand for him to get out of here.
“Just go plot with him, I know you’re itching to” You said, and he grinned wide at you, glad you were letting him go plan their escape and attack.
“Thanks y/n!” He called, already racing out of the room.  “You’re the best!” You laughed, shaking your head as you stood back up and dusted off the pants of your overalls.  Steve came in a few moments later, watching you almost suspiciously.
“What?” You questioned, and he shrugged, shaking his head.
“Nothing.  Just wondering why you’re permitting them to conspire against us” He said.
“They’re not conspiring, they’re just discussing.  No harm in that”
“Um, every harm in that.  As in all of us, being harmed, because of that” He said, but you didn’t really seem to care what he thought about it.
“They’re fine, we’re all fine, don’t freak out so much mom” You said, walking out towards the kids and seeing them all circled up and discussing their big plan.
“I’m not a mom” Steve argued, and you chuckled, turning to see him, his dish rag on his shoulder, hands on hips.  It only made you laugh more.
“Mhm, alright.  Well then what would you call yourself?” You replied sarcastically, nodding towards his own stance, and making Steve second guess himself.
“This- you-! Alright whatever just stay away from the windows and go be safe somewhere” He muttered, walking into the living room where the kids were.  You rolled your eyes again, but couldn’t help the smile on your lips.
Perhaps, you thought, King Steve was the king of something else now.
You watched as he was waving his rag at the kids again, yelling at them for plotting behind his back, and reminding them that no one was going anywhere.  But even as Dustin pouted, Steve was rubbing his hand over the thirteen year old’s head.  Almost soothingly, like he felt bad for ending their little meeting.
“What a mom” You mumbled, and headed back into the kitchen for something to eat.
You used to resent Steve, back when he was the king of school and didn’t care about anything more than he cared about his popularity and his hair.  Back when he didn’t give a shit about pretty much anything.  And looking at him now and seeing him watch over these kids, you could physically feel your heart swelling.  If that isn’t character development, you weren’t sure what was.
You weren’t sure why it made you feel so bubbly either.
“Listen runts, we’re staying here, we’re staying safe, and we’re not dying!” Steve said, for what felt like the fifth time.  But Mike kept arguing back at him.
“Everyone else is out there!”
“Everyone else knows how to fight all that shit!” Steve retorted.  “We are staying, here” He repeated slowly, waving his rag between each word.  “You got that?”
“You’re just saying that cause y/n’s here.  If she wasn’t here, we’d all be getting in your car and going!” Lucas spoke up.  Your brows furrowed at that.
“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, ignoring your search for food and now strutting into the room where everyone else was.  “Am I dragging you down?” You asked, almost sarcastic, but wondering what he’d actually meant by his announcement.  Were you dragging them down?
“No, Steve would just protect your ass over our asses” Max shrugged, and the others nodded.
“What the hell? Everyone here is protecting their own asses, I’m not getting killed for a bunch of kids!” Steve said, making flustered and jerky movements.  You brushed off their newly sprung argument over where Steve’s bat is swinging and who it’s swinging for.
Apparently, The Party was certain that he’d die for you, rather die for them.  But you didn’t care much about what they thought.  They’d always thought that you and Steve were meant to be some power couple, but you supposed it was just cause you were the same age and the kids only ever saw you two together.  There was no real evidence (as far as they showed) towards the ‘chemistry’ you and Steve supposedly had.
You wandered to the window, curiously looking out it with your arms wrapped around yourself.
“Will you just shut up?” Mike’s yelling made you jump a little, and you turned to see your friends all still arguing with each other.  You smiled slightly, meeting Steve’s eyes as he gave you a bored look.  You just laughed a little bit back at him.  Steve’s expression softened into a small smile.  Your face flushed with heat, and you nervously turned away from him to look back out the window again.
A light blinded you almost instantly, making you squint your eyes and put a hand over them to try and clear your vision.
“What the hell?” You muttered, leaning closer to the glass to see what was going on.  Headlights, there was a car here.  Someone was here.  “Steve?” You called, not turning away from the window.  He came over right away, looking outside to see a familiar Camaro parked in the driveway.
“Shit” He grumbled, walking towards the front door.
“What- where are you going? Who is it?” You asked, following quickly after him, but Steve quickly turned to make you stay back.
“Just stay in here-”
“Sinclair!” A voice hollered from outside, and you jumped, eyes widening as you recognized it.  “I know you’re in there!”
“Billy?” You whispered to Steve, who nodded.  You stepped backwards, eyes never leaving Steve’s.  “What’s he doing here?” Your voice was quiet.
Billy Hargrove, was the most vile, horrible person you’d ever met.  And his wicked ways of bending people to his will, shook you intensely to your core.  It was no secret to the others that Billy not only terrified you, but would seductively torture you every day.  Sure, you’d been picked on before, but this was different.  Every day he’d come to you, hoping to get something out of you, just to mess with you.
“Come on babe, a little kiss, just a little one, we can discuss the rest later”
“You don’t want to get a ride home with me and have some fun?”
“When’re you finally gonna give this up and just put out?”
You shuddered slightly, practically feeling his hot breath against your skin just thinking about the things he’s said to you.  Stopping you in the hallways, finding you at your locker, approaching you while you waited at Steve’s car for a ride home.
“I know you’re in there you little pig! Come out here or I’ll have to go in!” His voice was dangerous, threatening.  And you felt a legitimate fear for your life, and the kids’.
“It’s fine, you’re fine, I promise” Steve said quietly, out of earshot of the others.  “All of you stay here, stay away from the windows” He ordered, giving you one last look before you turned and went to The Party.  They needed you right now, all huddled around Lucas and Max to make sure if Billy were to look inside, he wouldn’t see them.
“Come on guys” You said softly, ushering them as far away from the window as you could.  Steve, on the other hand, opened the door and stepped outside.
Instead of hiding in a room, completely out of sight of the maniac, you all ducked under the windowsill to see what was happening.
“Am I dreaming or is that really you Harrington?” You felt your entire body quivering upon hearing Billy’s voice.  Dustin, who was crouched next to you, turned and gave you a worried look, but your eyes were dead set on the outside.
“Yeah it’s me, don’t cream your pants” Steve responded, walking out towards him as he pulled off his leather jacket.
“What’re you doing here amigo?” Billy asked, the cigarette hanging off his lips moving as he spoke.
“I could ask you the same thing” Steve responded, void of emotion.  “Amigo”
“Lookin’ for my step sister.  Little birdie told me she was here”
“Huh, that’s weird I don’t know her” Steve lied easily, and convincingly.  You prayed to God that Billy believed him.
“Small? Redhead?” Billy replied disbelievingly.  “Bit of a bitch?”
“Ashole” Max muttered to herself inside.
“Doesn’t ring a bell, sorry buddy” Steve replied, still not sounding like he cared even an inkling.  Billy nodded, taking out his cigarette.
“You know… I don’t how this, this whole situation Harrington is um.., it’s giving me the heebie jeebies” Billy said, looking at Steve a little more threateningly.
“Oh yeah? Why’s that?”
“My thirteen year old sister goes missing all day, and then I find her with you” Billy pointed accusatory hands towards Steve, giving him a disgusted look.  “In a strangers house” He continued.  “And you lie to me about it” Steve chuckled bitterly, shaking his head and looking away for a moment.
“Yeah, maybe you were dropped too much as a child or what” Steve said snarkily.  But Billy just grinned his twisted grin and licked his tongue over the front of his teeth.  “I don’t know what you don’t understand about what I just said”
You felt a chill go down your spine as Steve’s protectiveness took over his tone.  Dustin beside you mumbling a quiet, “Holy shit”
“She’s not here” Steve said carefully.  Billy nodded, looking pointedly towards the window where you and The Party were all huddled and looking out of.
“Then who’s that?” He asked, pointing his cigarette towards his sister.
“Down!” You hissed, and the five of you dropped to the floor so fast you all groaned from the impact of the floor.
“Shit!” Dustin cursed.  “Did he see us?”
“Oh shit” Steve grumbled.  “Okay listen-” Billy pushed him to the ground before he could explain anything.  The boy kicked him, before storming up into the house.
“Well well well” Billy smirked, seeing you and The Party standing there together, you in front of all of them.  “y/n l/n, what a lovely little surprise” You grimaced, but he didn’t seem to care.  “And Lucas Sinclair, not so much a surprise at all” You moved over more in front of Lucas, who’s hands grabbed onto your arm out of fear.  “I thought I told you to stay away from him Max”
“Billy, go away” Max retorted, but her voice wavered.
“You disobeyed me” Billy leaned over his step sister tauntingly.  “And you know what happens when you disobey me” He added in a hushed, volatile voice.
“Billy-”
“I break things” He uttered, before pushing you aside, crashing your body into the wall.  Before slamming Lucas up against the cupboards.
“Billy stop!” Max and the others began to yell, Dustin rushing over to help you up, but you were already standing up on your own.
“Get off of me!” Lucas cried.
“Since Maxine won’t listen to me, maybe you will” Billy muttered.  “You stay away from her.  Stay-! Away from her” He yelled awkwardly.  “Do you hear me?”
“I said get off me!” Lucas screamed again, followed by a knee between Billy’s legs.  You gasped, feeling a moment of pride as Billy stumbled back and released him.
“You are so dead Sinclair!” Billy hollered.  “You’re dead-”
“No” Steve grabbed Billy by the shoulder, spinning him around roughly.  “You are” And with that he swung his fist and planted it hard enough against Billy’s jaw to make him topple over.
“Steve!” You yelped out of surprise.  He looked at you for a moment, nodding in reassurance as he shook out his hand.  It’d been a while since he’d hit anybody.  Billy stood back up, laughing menacingly.  “You’re a fucking psycho!” You screeched before you could stop yourself.
“Looks like you got some fire in you after all huh!?” He yelled at Steve.  “I’ve been waiting to meet this King Steve everybody’s been telling me so much about” He stepped closer to Steve, glaring at him.
“Get out” Steve muttered, pushing Billy’s chest lightly to move him away from him.  Billy stepped back and stood there for a moment.  And after a few seconds passed you were certain that he was going to stay back.
Until he swung swiftly at Steve, but missed as Steve ducked just in time.  You gasped, clapping your hands over your mouth in terror.  Steve stood back up and swung his fist again, hitting Billy and making him stumble again.
“Yes! Get him Steve!” Dustin cheered, and the others began to as well.  You couldn’t find yourself to say anything, just wince every time a punch was made.  Steve hit him two more times, and Billy ran into the kitchen sink.  Leaning back and wincing in pain.
“Kill him! Kill him!” Mike was yelling.  But Billy grabbed a plate of the counter, smashing it over Steve’s head, and making him fall to the ground.
“Steve!” You screamed now, taking long strides to get over to him, only to be pushed away by Billy.  Who hit Steve as soon as he stood up again.  He grabbed Steve by the shoulders, staring him down.
“No one.  Tells me what to do” He muttered angrily, and threw his head forward hard into Steve’s knocking him down again.
“Fucking hell” You mumbled, tears beginning to prick your eyes in fear that Billy was actually going to kill Steve.  The mullet wearing psycho leapt onto Steve, pinning him down and swinging punch after punch against his face.
“Stop it!” Mike yelled at the top of his lungs, but it did nothing to end Billy’s attack.
“Steve!” Dustin hollered.
You stood frozen, every scene in front of you soundless, and moving slowly.  You could only feel your heart in your chest, sending you into an anxiety attack, you were sure.  But it barely mattered to you in that moment.  You turned away, and your eyes landed on something.
The syringe used on Will earlier.
Sleep… put him to sleep… your thoughts were broken as you reached for it, looking at it in your hands for a few seconds, before stepping forward and slamming the needle into Billy’s neck without a hesitation.  Mike and Dustin gasped, standing back.  Everyone’s eyes stuck on the syringe hanging out of BIlly’s neck now.  A disgust filling them up at the sight.
“Shit y/n” Dustin mumbled, his hand covering his mouth to stop vomit from flowing.
Billy stood up, wobbling slightly as he turned to look at you.  He pulled the needle out of his neck, vision beginning to fail.  “The hell is this?” He asked, trying to step towards you threateningly, but he was wobbling so much you didn’t even move.  No longer afraid of him.
“You’re fucking done Hargrove” You muttered, and before thinking twice to second guess yourself, punching him across the jaw, and sending him back on his ass.  Billy groaned, staying down where he’d fallen against the couch.
“Shit what did you do” He mumbled, growing dizzy from the mix of drug and pain.
A few moments later he completely passed out.
“Fuck” You hissed in pain, putting your bruising knuckles against your mouth.  You didn’t think punching someone would hurt so damn much.
“y/n holy shit”
“Are you okay?”
“That was badass!”
The Party was fussing and cheering for you, but you didn’t respond, kneeling down by Steve next and counting up all the cuts and bruises he was beginning to sport.  He was unconscious, that was for sure.  But he’d be in for a world of hurt when he woke up.
“Come on, help me get him back to Jon’s bed” You called to the kids.
It was difficult moving him, but after ten minutes you’d managed to get him into Jonathan’s room to lie on the bed there.  You were sat next to him, a cold wet rag in your hand, and the open first aid kit on the ground.  It took you awhile to clean off all the blood and apply bandages where you thought they were necessary.  There was a frozen bag of peas you’d put over one of his eyes to stop the swelling, but so far it still looked pretty bad.
The Party had sat with you for what felt like a long time before you told them to go back to the living room and wait for the others to return home.  Dustin put up a small fight about it, but eventually gave in and listened to your order.  And now it was just you kneeling on the ground by Steve, watching over him carefully.  Making sure he was breathing okay, and that nothing would begin to bleed again.
“Well King Steve, you got quite the ass kicking” You mumbled, just to yourself.  Your fingers placed a few stray hairs on his forehead back into place.  “But your crown is still there” You smiled to yourself, fingertips gently brushing his hair.
“y/n?” Your eyes looked back at him as he mumbled, almost incoherently.  “What happened?” The poor boy’s eyes weren’t even open.
“You put up a really good fight” You told him softly.  He winced, the pain probably beginning to settle in.
“Did I win?” He groaned, eyes clenching shut momentarily.  You bit down on your lip and shook your head, even though he couldn’t see you.
“You put up a really good fight” You repeated yourself, playing with his hair again.  Steve sighed, knowing the answer.
“Is he gone?” He asked, eyes finally beginning to flutter open.
“Yeah… yeah he won’t be back any time soon, I’m sure” You answered.  Steve looked up at you, smiling down gently at him.  He smiled back instantly, and moved his arm to push your hair back, but even at it’s slight movement you winced in pain.  “You’re in pretty bad shape” You told him quietly.  “But you’ll heal up alright”
“Are you okay?” He asked, and you nodded.
“Yeah, yeah I’m fine” You shrugged slightly.  “We’re all really worried about you.  Dustin thought you were dead” Steve chuckled painfully, shaking his head a little bit.
“Are they alright? Max and Lucas?”
“Yeah, we’re all good Steve” You hummed with a slight nod.  You leaned forward, a little closer to him to check on the eye swelled under the bag of peas.  You frowned, seeing the black and blue bruise that only seemed to be spreading.
“I’m alright, don’t fuss so much” Steve said, putting his hand over the bag and pushing it back against his face.  Your eyes met his for a moment.
“You’re pretty bruised up Harrington” You sighed, taking the wet rag in your hand and dabbing it gently on his bruised cheek.  “There’s not an inch of your face spared”
“It’ll be fine, I’ll heal up”
“Years from now, maybe” You replied sarcastically, and he smiled at you while you carefully pressed the cold cloth to his face.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” He murmured, and you looked at him for the briefest of seconds before going back to work.  Now is not the time to talk about feelings, you thought to yourself.
“Yeah? Go play hero some more and you’ll never see anything again” You told him, and he shrugged slightly, not having a response to that.
“I just wanted to remind you.  In case you haven’t been told in a while” He said.  You bit on the inside of your cheek to keep from smiling too much.  You looked down at him, your eyes softening slightly.
You leaned over closer to him, pausing for a moment before pressing your lips lightly against his.  It was a chaste kiss, only lasting a few seconds as you didn’t want to hurt him anymore than he already was.  When you pulled back, you smiled nervously at him, and he only smiled back at you.
“You’re lucky you didn’t die Harrington” You said, and got right back to work on pressing the rag to his wounds.
“That I am” He replied cheekily.
You giggled softly, smiling down at him and wondering just when he’d changed so much.
You knew he’d give his life for these kids too, just like you would.
love me some babysitter steve
xoxo ~ jordie
538 notes · View notes
cotccotc · 3 years
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SKZ REACT to...
 ◈ you being followed
part of my eight as fate event !! ( requested by anon​ ♡ )
genre/s: comfort, skz x gn reader
warning/s: description of being followed on the street, descriptions / mentions of panic attacks
wc: 1.8k
a/n: this one took me quite a while but i’m happy with it !!! i decided to write out a longer introduction to this to kinda set up a scene !! i hope y’all enjoy it (esp the comforting parts ofc kdjdjf)
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it’s somewhat unlike you to walk alone at night. you figured it would only take you a few minutes, but you got out of work late, setting you back quite a while. to make things worse, while you were working overtime, the sun had set, leaving you to traverse the dimly lit city streets on your own. all you know is that your boyfriend left the door open for you, and a couch date sounds really great right now.
somewhere along your walk, you heard a shuffling noise coming from behind you. you disregarded it, thinking it may have been simple paranoia. you’ve seen too many movies, you think. however, as you keep up your leisurely yet steady pace, you hear another noise. this time you turn around.
a man. in a black hoodie. looking you dead in the eye.
your eyes widen as a small gasp leaves your mouth. needless to say, you begin sprinting to your destination, heart racing at a pace that rivals the speed of your feet. with your focus aimed at getting as far away as you can, you’re honestly not even sure how your legs know where they’re going. nevertheless, your saving grace comes into view. after a quick glance at the now empty street behind you, you sprint even faster than before. and, once you make it to the apartment door, you fling the door open and leap inside with enough force to rattle the hinges.
“y/n? what’s wro-”
“i was being followed,” you interject, a choked sob finally escaping you.
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◈ CHAN
his first instinct, no matter what, is to make sure you feel safer now.
he’ll sit you down on the couch, staying close beside you and rubbing your back while reiterating that whoever that man was is gone now.
i’ve always liked to think he’d be good to have around in the event of a panic attack. especially if you’re the type of person who needs physical and verbal reassurance. back rubs, hugging, and breathing reminders galore.
once you’ve calmed down, he would wipe away your tears and hold you close to him as he asks you about the rest of your day.
he’s an amazing listener and he can’t wait to hear about the latest employee or customer gossip lmao
but more importantly, it would take your mind off things, which is all he truly wants.
if you start looking a bit gloomy or drifting off in thought, he’d probably suggest some cuddle time !! he would make sure to remind you of how courageous you were in that moment before promising you one last time that you’re safer now, here with him.
you’d finally fall asleep in his arms, filling him with relief.
◈ MINHO
first reaction: absolutely pissed.
not at you of course, but at the guy who was following you. with you still in his arms, he glances pointedly out the front door and the windows, closing the blinds after giving the entire apartment a once-over.you end up in the bedroom, in which he’ll guide you to sit beside him on the bed.
his expression will have completely changed from anger to loving concern. he’d look deeply into your eyes while holding both your hands in his, assuring you that you’re safe now.while you continue to cry, you explain what had happened in more detail. he strokes your hair as you speak and nods along, blood boiling.
he can’t stand the thought of any person making you feel unsafe. but, he’d maintain a calm exterior in order to make you feel more at ease.
once you describe the whole situation, he’d reassure you once again that the man can’t get to you now.
“he’ll have to get through me.”
you giggle.
“hEY”
◈ CHANGBIN
i think he’d have a similar reaction to minho !!
very visibly pissed that some random guy had the nerve to intimidate you. that dude’s lucky he didn’t follow you the whole way home or else he’d probably be pretty uh. damaged. by now..
he’d sit you down on the couch, do a quick check-in at each of the windows and doors, and come back as soon as he can to console you.
when he does, he’s quick to sit beside you, arm wrapped around you with the other wiping the tears off of your face.
after you explain the situation a bit more clearly, he becomes even more angry (probably mutters some curses under his breath)
but !!!! i think he’d really try his best to focus on cheering you up
asking you what you’d like to do for the rest of the night, if you’d like any food, if you’d like to sleep or stay up for a while.. etc.
plus he’d amp up the silly antics to make you forget about things !!
◈ HYUNJIN
i think his physical reaction would become similar to yours. very quickly.
like once he sees your tears and senses your quickened pulse. his immediate response (whether voluntary or not) would be to emulate you.
so, naturally, he’d hold you in his arms and let you cry it out, while small sobs of his own escape him.
seeing you so scared is a scary feeling.
of course, he’d reassure you that you’re safe !!! he’d look into your eyes, tucking your hair behind your ears, and tell you that it’s all over now and that you’re safe.
you, of course, don’t want him to feel sad or scared, so you’d console him as well.
you two would comfort each other the whole rest of the night. i think the most probable option would be the two of you cuddled up in bed watching a movie or reading webtoons together
distraction !! but make it a drama !! or a romcom because .. vibes !!
and when you decide it’s time for bed (however late that may be due to the stress from earlier) he’d be sure to remind you that he’ll be with you all night & when you wake up
(but he’s also secretly clinging onto you out of fear as well kdjfgj)
◈ JISUNG
“oh sh- oh sHIT-”
wouldn’t know what in the fuck to do
would haphazardly check all the windows like minho did, holding your hand as you continue to cry
after he’s done, he’d cling to you and hold you SO very tight <3
lots of “shh shh baby.. baby shhhh” and all that jazz.. you know the sungie vibes…
he’d stroke your hair and arms, noticing your slight shakiness and suggesting you both cuddle for some extra comfort and warmth
no matter what time of night it is, he’d turn off the lights and cuddle with you as you describe the event in more detail
quiet & calm
even if you end up crying again while you speak, he’s there to brush the tears off your face with his thumb and help you calm down again
◈ FELIX
before you came, he might have cooked a small meal for the two of you to share. even though you worked late, it’d still be waiting for you when you arrive. he’d wait too.
when you do happen to burst through the door, he’d jump and gasp out of fear but he’s quick to run up to you and hold you as you let out everything you’d held in during your walk-turned-chase
also !! will help you get settled in as you describe what went down
helping you take off your coat and shoes, getting water for you, grabbing some blankets; all while listening intently and giving you all of his attention
once you’re seated on the couch, wrapped in the softest blanket he could find and staying hydrated after such a harrowing event, he’d be sure to hold you as close as possible to remind you that everything’s okay
eventually, through his subtle gestures and calming demeanor, you won’t even realize how you got situated !! he just knows what to do to make you as comfortable as possible without even trying all that hard
you may choose to skip dinner, but no matter what, he’ll be holding you close the whole night through to make sure you know he’s there to protect and care for you
◈ SEUNGMIN
he’s very methodical about how to proceed. his first instinct is to do what some of the others would and check the house, but he decides to help you calm down first.
you’re rambling about what happened in between sobs and quick breaths, which sends a pain through his heart as he shuts and locks the door.
if you’re shorter than him, he’d bend a little to make direct eye contact with you. he’ll rub your arms and tell you that you don’t have to be afraid anymore
the most calming and reassuring voice in the whole world omg !!!!!!
he’d wipe your tears away and cup your face with both of his hands, prompting you to look back into his eyes before smiling at you
“you’re safe now, right?”
you smile back at him, nodding.
“now, let’s lock all the doors so no bad guys can get in!”
then, he’d take your hand and let you help him lock the doors and shut the curtains, making it feel like a chore instead of a precaution
and for your “good work”, he’d reward you with some binge watching & cuddle time !!! (as if that wasn’t the original plan skjdfg)
◈ JEONGIN
(under his breath, eyes wide) “oh my god…”
i think he’d start freaking out a bit like hyunjin did, but he’d do his very best to hide it. he knows he has to be strong to help you calm down and feel safe.
like felix, he’d help you take off your coat and shoes, leading you over to the couch as you shakily describe what happened.
(i’m sorry i keep making comparisons to the other members bUT) like minho, he’d hold your hands in his, rubbing them softly with his thumbs to soothe your nerves as you let everything out
he’d try to cheer you up by suggesting alternative motives the man might’ve had instead of wanting to harm you
for instance:
jeongin: “what if he was lost and needed directions but he was too shy to ask because you’re so pretty/handsome?”
you: “babe i don’t think-”
jeongin: “OR what if he thought he knew you !!”
you: “but he-”
jeongin: “WHAT IF IT WAS BATMAN-”
overall, his aim is to distract you (as well as himself), which ends in success. you’ll both be in stitches by the end of the night
and… laughing is super tiring, right?
therefore, as reiterated throughout all of these reactions because we all know it’s true:
CUDDLESSSS
oh also.. right before you fall asleep in his arms, he’d ask if you want to leave the light on during the night :( bc he’s a cutie :((((
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tags: @stayndays, @hanniiesuckle17​, @leggomylino, @freckledberries, @kisskissbanggang, @mr-jisung-main, @childofthecosmos, @kpopscape, @skzwriternet, @hyunsins, @sleepylixie, @sunshine-skz, @vera-liscious, @thatrandomoneinthecorner, @cyberskz​, @seungminsaidsta, @somethingrandomworld, @ethan806 ( join my tag list !! )
©️ cotccotc 2021 ~ all rights reserved. do not repost my work on tumblr or other platforms.
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yhwhsdaughter · 3 years
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HQ!! Manager being protective when people insult their player
(ft. oikawa, hinata, tanaka, yachi, osamu, kuroo)
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Warnings: threats, physical altercations, bullying, public humiliation
I usually don’t condone the usage of violence, but I woke up mad today lmao
OIKAWA
the pretty setter was getting ready to serve, his fangirls screaming in support while the rest of the team took a break.
to the side were a couple of guys staring in jealousy, “heh, his weak ass gets a big ego just because—”
they continued their insults and while they didn’t reach oikawa, his team members certainly heard it all
teasing oikawa was different when it came from them because they genuinely cared about him,, but for someone else to continuously bully the setter without reason?? it was infuriating
before any of them could kick their asses, their manager approached them.
(name) was perhaps the most polite individual they’d met; always patient and kind despite their antics
“ah, i can see the misunderstanding that oikawa is a weakling. he’s got a broken knee and constantly pushes himself despite the excruciating pain.”
the aura surrounding them suddenly turned dark and cold as (name) clutched the shoulder of the main bully with an iron grip
“what about you? shall i break your knee so we can find out if you’re stronger than him?”
at that moment, their gentle mannered manager had the eyes of a beast, unyielding as the guy tried to escape their grip
when they left, the players approached (name) who still glared in that direction. “woah we didn’t know you could be so scary (name)”
now calmer, they replied, “you’re my team, i would kill anyone that tries harm you.”
it was such a matter-of-fact that the males couldn’t help but laugh “haha you’re funny too”
“am i laughing?”
that day they learned their precious manager would deadass commit murder for them
extra: when oikawa found you defended him, he ran with open arms, “(name)-channnnn marry me!” squeezing the life out of you
HINATA
competition hadn’t even started and people were already shit talking karasuno
“flightless crows” blah blah blah
as their third manager, you would be in the benches with yachi, supporting the team
however, hinata had gone to the bathroom and he wasn’t back. daichi had sent you to get him since the game was about to start
you found the team’s sunshine nearly corned by a tall player “aah you’re so short and you’re a middle blocker?? i’ll be looking down on you little shrimp!”
he didn’t get to say more because your leg swiftly hit the back of his knees, falling to the ground harshly.
no one and i mean no one messes with hinata without you getting a few hits in, regardless height
“oh look. you’re below him now”
mans was lucky y’all were in a competition, otherwise he wouldn’t have left unscathed
with that, you steered your baby hinata away from that asshole, throwing him a dirty look in case he wanted to try anything
if he did, you would not hold back. literally on sight
fyi hinata was totally not blushing the entire way back. everytime you approach him now he gets all flustered
everyone else is like ???
TANAKA
the ladies man, tanaka had encountered a group of attractive girls at the arcade so he decided to shoot his shot
when they declined, tanaka was prepared to leave them alone, respectful of a woman’s boundaries, but they decided to verbally attack him
“who’d wanna go out with you?” “yeah you’re so ugly, stupid baldie”
wrong move
unfortunately for them, you were also at the arcade, having heard how the entire conversation went down
you knew tanaka would never use violence against a girl, even if they were rude, but you would.
equal rights equal fights bitch
those girls never saw it coming, you grabbing the leader’s hair roughly and yanking it back, “you’re right, longer hair is much better”
you went feral; simultaneously slapping the others away when they tried to pull you off, your tight grip never faltering.
only when tanaka placed a gentle hand on your arm that you released her
“insult him again and you’ll be the baldie next time”
in short, tanaka now sees you as his personal deity. boy will adore you
YACHI
the third years were gone now
kiyoko had left the team in your and yachi’s hands, with you mainly taking charge as the now-third year manager
the team all sat together for lunch (yes, tsukki too), they were waiting for you since you’d been talking with a teacher
a girl in front of you side-eyed yachi, watching with envy as the blonde sweetheart spoke with the handsome volleyball players
plan brewing in that toxic mind of hers, the girl pretended to trip, spilling her lunch all over yachi. the team didn’t have time to react, watching in shock as food splatted on her lap
sis even had the audacity to say “oh sorry didn’t see you there” as if she didn’t just purposefully throw her food on someone else
worry not, because you returned the favor.
as soon as she gave her faux apology, your food was already making its way down her head to her shoes
there wasn’t a part of her left uncovered
“my bad, i thought you were the trash” you did not look sorry at all
half of the cafeteria watched this unfold—tsukki even making some snide remarks. you grabbed yachi’s hand, guiding her to the restroom to help her clean off
from that moment on, people got the message to never mess with the volleyball team lest they face the wrath of their manager
OSAMU
osamu was your best friend, the reason why you joined inarizaki as their manager
currently, you were in home ed, making the assigned dish but it wasn’t difficult so your movements were lax so much that you couldn’t help but overhear the conversation going on in front of your table
at the mention of osamu, your ears perked up
“he was SUCH a jerk. i kept asking hoping he would grow tired and say yes, but nooooo. apparently osamu thinks he’s better than me”
some of her friends looks uneasy at her inability to take ‘no’ for an answer but the girl continued on her rant
the teacher stepped out for a moment. “HAHAHAHHAHA” the class turned to look at you, laughing like a maniac while you chopped vegetables with scary precision and inhuman strength
“you sure got some nerve, harassing someone like that.. especially my best friend”
that was the moment the grew knew she’d fucked up. she couldn’t even answer back because the teacher was back.
you made a point to ask the teacher if you could be partners with that girl for the next lesson, making her gulp in fear as you ran a finger across your throat
to say the least, she stopped talking for the remainder of the class
KUROO
chemistry?? you and kuroo?? friends?? together in class???
a fucking chaos
just kidding. the two of you were actually really good students. the best, if you had to brag
despite being the teacher’s favorite, you were lowkey about it while kuroo liked to insert as many chem jokes as he could in presentations
it was kinda embarrassing and you subtly teased him, but never with malicious intent
during a lab, you got partnered with a bully. you tried to ignore him and continue working, but it kept getting worse.
the breaking point was dragging in kuroo to all of this. you’d rejected his offers of going on a date and when kuroo made a motion to ask if you were ok, the dude took it as a sign to talk shit
“seriously? him? he’s a fucking nerd. his jokes are lame and has shitty hair—”
your eye twitched. “oi you better stop if you don’t want me to burn your face off”
clueless in class, he didn’t know how to handle the material so you were doing all the work. he didn’t believe you
bringing in the acidic substance near his face is when he finally backed away, at which point you had already called the teacher and told them that he was playing around with dangerous chemicals
although it was the other way around, who do you think the teacher believed, their star student or the school bully??
lmao, bitch could ask his detention buddies out on a date now
kuroo: ??
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rainydaydream-gal18 · 3 years
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Bad Batch x Jedi!Reader: Ghosts
(Author’s Note: I’m baaaacccck!  I’ve had a rough few weeks and found almost no inspiration or motivation to write here, but I woke up this morning and felt like a new person.  Thank you for waiting and for continuing to read, like, comment, and reblog!
Anyway, this was a request I received moons ago, and I just wanted to say to the Anon who requested that I did not forget about it and I’m so sorry for the wait.  For real, thank you for the request, and I hope you like it.
OG Request: Can I request a bad batch and reader who was their sister, they were also a Jedi. But then order 66 happens and the bad batch tries to kill her but she escaped after being shot by crosshair. She ends up working with the ghost crew and meets up with them during rebels, she's almost scared of them. She also tears up seeing how much older the are
Warnings: blaster wound, some angst, fluff ending)
   Got your back,” you growled, using your lightsaber to block some incoming shots. Hunter fired his blasters at the group of oncoming droids that headed toward you.
   Wrecker was plowing through the enemy squads like it was nothing, giving an enthusiastic yell here and there.  He paused to give you a thumbs-up with a gloved hand, and you grinned back.  Crosshair was picking them off from his position off the immediate battlefield. He blasted one right in front of you.
   “Nice shot!”
   Tech was handling things just fine on his side.  You moved past him to cut through a few droids nonetheless and exchanged nods of appreciation.
   Just another day with the Bad Batch, the rogue squad that had come to be your family over the course of the war.  You had adjusted to living life on the wild side- dangerous missions and poor odds.  The group managed to get through each one, and you grew stronger.
   This mission, to invade and destroy the Separatist base from the inside out, was a particularly risky one.  But like the others, this one was going rather well.
   Or it had been.  Until Tech alerted Hunter of an incoming comm that was rather urgent.
   You didn’t see who the transmission was from.  You caught a glimpse of the blue form displaying on Tech’s comm before having to deal with an oncoming droid.  You planted a thermal detonator and somersaulted away so it could blast the last of the droids, and you’d be ready to check in with your squad about the comm.
   As the battlefield went dead silent after the fall of the final droid, there was a shift.  That was the best way to describe the feeling.  Something just wasn’t right.  You glanced over to see Hunter and Tech standing perfectly still as they received the message.  That’s when it hit you.  Whatever it was, it was deadly, and you knew you needed to get your squad out of there.
   You turned fully toward them, lips parting in the beginnings of a warning about the shift in your feelings.  You could only hope they’d listen to you and get out in time without an argument.  Your voice was cut off at the sight of three visors facing you with blasters aimed your way.
   “Guys?” you called, eyes flickering to each of them.  “Hunter?  What’s going on?”
   Two more visors, Crosshair’s and Echo’s, joined them. Cross kept his rifle ready at his shoulder, aimed at you as well.  That’s when you realized they weren’t in danger.  They were the danger.
   “The jedi are traitors to the Republic,” Hunter’s voice echoed in the space between you.  “By order of Sidious, they are to be executed for their crimes, and that includes you.”
   “W-what?”  You grasped your lightsaber tightly, not wanting to raise it and alarm them further.  “I haven’t done anything.  We’ve been fighting for the Republic.  See those droids?”  You nodded in that direction.  “I cut them up myself with my lightsaber to protect the galaxy.  We did it together.”
   “Stop trying to reason with us,” Crosshair hissed.  “You’re...a...traitor.”  He hesitated, body quivering for a moment as his visor looked to the ground.  Whatever cloud of confusion had settled on him, it was like he tried to fight it.
   “It’s me,” you said.  “It’s __________.”
   Hunter’s body shook again before he aimed the blaster at you with resolve.  “You heard Sidious, boys.  Order 66 must be carried out.”
   Searing pain traveled through your shoulder as you made a run for it, causing you to stumble.  You spared a glance behind you to see the Bad Batch giving chase.  Crosshair had actually shot you.  A different kind of pain exploded in your chest at the betrayal.  Even though you knew this Sidious was behind it all.  Even though you knew it wasn’t the real Crosshair.  It still hurt.
   Despite the physical and emotional agony, you kept running.  You deflected more blaster shots with your lightsaber, using your abilities to leap into the nearest ship.  The presence of your closest allies began to fade as you took off, leaving to shoot at the vehicle to no avail.
   Fortunately, you and the squad handled dangerous missions on your own without too much Republic assistance, so you were able to get into space without encountering any other soldiers.  When things quieted down and you were faced with the blur of stars and planets outside the viewport, you shrank back in your seat from the weight of grief.  For the first time, you allowed yourself to grieve.  The life of a jedi was by no means easy, but you were trained for years to not give into such strong attachments to avoid the dark side’s pull.  
   This time, you let the tears fall for your squad.  You let the sob rip through the lonely ship.  It was a relief to cry, but not enough to dull the pain.  It was like a fresh wound, raw and stinging.
   “Crosshair, Hunter, Wrecker, Echo, Tech…” you cried their names, demanding an answer from no one in particular.  Just then, a beep sounded amongst the ship controls that alerted you of an incoming message.  You sniffled and answered, eyes widening at the sight of Jedi Obi Wan Kenobi.
   “...I regret to inform you…”
- - - - - - - - - 
   “__________?  What are you doing?” Ezra called.  “We’ve got to go!” 
   You glanced his way from several feet away, holding up a hand as a signal for him to wait.  Something felt off about this place.  It was a feeling you hadn’t felt in a long time.  A long time.
   “Is this a jedi thing?” he asked, walking over.  Despite being quite skilled and talented for one so young, he was still very early in his training with Kanan.  Nothing could quell his curiosity, though.
   You nodded.  “There’s something...someone...here.  I think I know them.”
  “It’s just an old ship,” he shrugged.  “It is a scrapyard, after all.”
   It was a good point.  The place looked rather abandoned to the naked eye, but you could see beyond appearances.  There was more to this ship than just a heap of metal.  Something felt oddly alive about it.
   “I’m going to check it out,” you said.
   “But Hera said-”
   “Ezra,” you interrupted with as patient of a tone as you could muster.  “I need to do this.  I’ll be right back.”  You took a few cautious steps forward only to hear him walking behind you.  You peeked at him over your shoulder to see a determined expression on his face.
   “If something really is going on, I’m not letting you go in there alone.”
   “Ugh, fine,”  You pretended to be annoyed, though deep down you were glad he was coming along.  Something stirred inside you.  You sensed a presence that you hadn’t in years.  Could it be…?  No, it couldn’t.
   “__________?” The all-too-familiar voice called.  A face popped out from the old ship.  Even among the wrinkles and white hair, you recognized a piercing set of brown eyes.  Your own eyes widened as your instincts took over, and you turned to bolt.  “No, wait!”
   “Stay back!” Ezra warned, hands raised to the figure that emerged from the ship quickly.  A much taller figure stepped out, and this fellow threw his head back and laughed.
   You froze in place, taking in the aged faces before you.  None of them held the same conflict in their gaze as they had the last time you were with them.  They held their hands up as a gesture that they carried no weapons.
   “_________, it’s alright,” Echo called.  “We mean you no harm.”
   “Please, don’t go.”  Hunter’s tone sounded so pleading; it made you want to cry.  You did not sense any evil intent on their part.  It was a good sign that they were no longer under Emperor Palpatine’s control.  Over the years, you discovered what exactly had happened to your squad.  Old Republic files you’d hacked revealed that something known as Order 66 had occurred, and you had pieced together the horrible plot to overthrow the jedi.  Like the others, you had to stay hidden- even from the Bad Batch.
   “How do I know this isn’t a trick?” you asked hesitantly.
   Tech took a step forward, and you gripped the handle of your lightsaber as a warning not to approach.  His eyes flickered to the weapon before he took a step back.  “After Order 66, the new Empire retired us.  I had quite a bit of free time, and while doing some research, I stumbled upon a report: it told me all about these biological chips.”
   “And we removed them!” Wrecker said.  He turned his head to the side, his pointer finger tapping on a scar on the bald skin.  By then, you started walking towards them.  You couldn’t believe how they had aged so much.  You were in front of Crosshair first, reaching a hand up to touch his weathered face.  He didn’t tense like he used to every time you accidentally brushed against him.  As a matter of fact, he even smiled a little.  Age had worn down his tough-guy act.
   “It’s...good to see you,” he said.
   Then, all at once, the tears started flowing.  It was like you picked up right where you left off all those years ago.  You threw your arms around him, and after a few moments of crying into his shoulder, you felt his arms come up to hold you comfortingly.  “Cross...I missed you so much!”
   “I missed you too.”
   “Hey,” Wrecker grunted.  “I missed you!  Don’t I get a hug?”
   You laughed through the tears and turned to give him a hug only to be lifted off the ground in a familiar, enveloping embrace- the kind only Wrecker could give.  He set you down laughing with you, and you pulled Echo and Tech into a little group hug.  They both smiled widely, Echo chuckling, as you pulled them tighter.  Then, you were faced with an aged Hunter who looked conflicted. You could feel his warmth and happiness to see you, but he also carried guilt.  You quickly wrapped your arms around him, and he hugged back.
   “__________,” he murmured.  “I’m...sorry-”
   “Not another word,” you interrupted.  “It wasn’t your fault.  None of you are to blame.”
   “But-”
   “Not another word,” you insisted, flashing him a smile.  He returned with a handsome grin that showed the old Hunter even through his aged appearance.  It brought more tears to your eyes.  “I’m so glad we all found our way back together.”
   “Um, __________?” Ezra spoke up.  He gave a shrug, confused about the interaction.
   “I’ll explain,” you told him.  “Bad Batch, this is my friend, Ezra.  Him and I are members of a crew that does what it can to mess with the Empire.”
   “Oh yeah?” Wrecker asked.  “As soon as our chips were removed, that’s what we started doing.”
   “Really?”
   “Indeed, we’ve made significant progress,” Tech said.
   “Well,” you sighed, resting a hand on his shoulder plate.  “What do you say we regroup and mess with the Empire together?”
   “I think…” Hunter stroked his chin in thought.  “I think that sounds like a great idea.”
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enchantedblackrose · 3 years
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Like I Love You
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Jay Halstead/Plus sized Reader
Summary: Jay arrives at your apartment to pick you up for a date, but you're filled with self doubt.
¡Warnings! This potentially could be triggering. Poor body image, possible body dysmorphia, specific mentions of feelings of not being enough because of physical appearance
<Please, please lmk if I need to add any warnings.>
Loosely inspired by One Direction's Little Things
Like I Love You 
Your head throbs as hot tears of frustration continue to fall from your eyes. 
It was absolutely ridiculous to be this upset trying to pick out a decent outfit. After all, you've been successfully dressing yourself since age three.
But you don't have the mindset of a toddler. You're a jaded young woman with society's disgusting definition of beauty constantly shoved in your face. 
Deep down you know better. You know that the numbers on the scale give no indication of your beauty nor do they dictate your worth.
Sighing and trying to remind yourself that you are pretty, you again glance in the full length mirror. Standing there in nothing more than a top and underwear, fresh tears immediately fill your eyes. You only see flaws. Resisting the urge to poke at the cellulite near your thighs, you focus on your shirt. But the sleeves are cutting into your arms making them look weird. No, not weird. Fat. The too tight sleeves cause your arms to bulge. And the material clings to your soft tummy. You pinch the excess belly fat between your thumbs and index fingers, wishing you could squeeze it away.
You feel so ugly and gross. Angrily you pull the shirt off and throw it clear across your bedroom, where it joins a pair of jeans you couldn't breathe in and numerous other offending articles of clothing. None of which you look good in either.
You find an oversize t-shirt and slip it on before you just collapse on that very spot of plush carpeting.
Tears still roll down your face. All you wanted was something cute to wear. To be pretty. And go out with your boyfriend for a date night. He's a detective for the Chicago police department. The hours are already long and sometimes abnormal, but this week he, and the rest of the special unit he's a part of,  were logging extra hours on a particular difficult case. You haven't seen much of each other recently so you were especially giddy when you received his text earlier in the day saying there had been a break in the case which meant he could swing by your place and take you out on a proper date. Your reply had been almost immediate, telling him how wonderful that sounded.
You were surprised to hear from him again, still promising to take you out, but proposing you both meet up with his coworkers after dinner for some drinks. He included "begging" and "puppy dog eyes" in the message. 
Though you wanted to, you couldn't exactly say no for several reasons. You had already agreed to the date, so he knew you were free. Part of you suspected that he had done it on purpose. You'd accuse your favorite detective of entrapment later. 
You also were fully aware how much Jay wanted to introduce you to the coworkers he considered friends, having been invited to go out with them several times before. You kept putting it off.
Not because you had no interest in meeting everyone. Rather, the idea fed your worst insecurities.
What if they don't think I'm good enough? They're going to wonder what he sees in me. Then Jay will start wondering too. 
Wanting to do this solely for Jay's benefit, believing he deserved this after the hellish week at work, you went to your bedroom to plan your outfit. That's how you ended up in this nightmare. You only want to look your best, like you belong with Jay.
Nothing in your closet said that though. The truth of the matter was no one like him should be with someone who looks like you.
Cries turn to sobs. You draw your knees to your chest, hugging them tightly.
You hear the door to your apartment unlock, Jay using his copy of your key to let himself in. Hastily, you wipe at your face, not wanting him to see you like this; yet you can't find the will to stand. A loud, nasally sniff escapes you.
"Babe?" His still unaware voice calls out from the hallway. "I got us reservations." You don't answer back right away and you hear his footsteps approach. 
Having found you, he stops in the doorway. "Whoa. What kind of nuclear clothing explosion happened here?" He indicates to the mounds of clothes which surround you and cover the better part of the carpet and bed. His laughter dies as soon as he sees your tear-streaked, puffy face. "What's wrong? Are you hurt?" his worry evident in both his voice and light eyes. He looks you up and down, frantically searching for any sign of what has you like this.
You mumble incoherently.
"What?"
"I don't have anything to wear."
"The floor begs to differ," he teases. You glare back, in no mood for jokes no matter how well intended. He holds up his hands signaling he meant no harm before he pulls you to your feet. "What's going on?" You huff a heavy sigh in reply. His hand caresses your cheek and softly "hmms?" at you encouragingly.
"Nothing fits right," you confess. He hesitates unsure how to respond, so you continue. "I look extra fat in everything."
Jay frowns. "I doubt that very much. You always look good. I love how you look dolled up when we go out and I love when you're in an old tee and sweats."
"That's nice of you to say-"
"Well I didn't say it to be nice. I said it because it's true," he cuts you off.
You give a tiny, weak smile. "I hate how I look." Your voice cracks. New tears sting your eyes.
He brushes the few teardrops that manage to escape with his thumb. "Baby, what are you talking about? You're beautiful." His voice is soft with a hint of sadness hearing you talk this way.
"This is not beautiful." You pat your flabby stomach, then your thighs. 
Carefully stepping to avoid the clothes which litter the floor, Jay makes his way to your bed and sits on the edge, still mindful of the garments piled there as well. He opens his arms, indicating for you to sit on his lap.
"My huge ass will probably crush you," you mutter.
"Baby-"
 
Exasperated you throw your arms up, "I look nothing like you!"
"Well I'm a guy and you're not so…"
"Stop. I mean you look like a freaking model. That face and those abs for days." You catch him looking smug, no doubt a witty remark is at his lips, but one glance at you and he leaves it unsaid. You continue. Your voice hushed, "I'm afraid of what people might think or say when they see us together. It's why I've been so reluctant to meet your friends."
His eyes sadden. He reaches for you, gently pulling you to his lap. When he speaks, his voice is soft, but stern, almost begging you to believe his words. "I'm sorry you feel that way. I honestly had no idea, but listen to me, please. The only people who get a say about our relationship are in this room right now, okay? So our opinions are the only ones that matter. You. Are. Beautiful." He pauses only to shush you when he sees your mouth open. "The way your mind works fascinates me. Your sense of humor is amazing. You continuously show compassion for others, which in this world is not always easy. I swear your goodness is innate. Your laugh is intoxicating. When you smile...I wish you could see how your face lights up and your body turns me on exactly how it is. I have never been attracted to anyone as much as I am to you. I love you."
Jay's words move you, but they're not enough to silence your insecurities. "Even though I don't have a thigh gap?"
His brows furrow. "I...don't know what that means."
"It means my thighs touch each other. They're not supposed to."
"Says who?"
"...society."
"Society's ugly, not you or your thighs." His fingers trace nondescript patterns on the bare skin in question. "Besides, thick thighs save lives."
"Jay!" You laugh despite yourself. He smiles in return and presses his lips to your temple.
"I love you too. You know that, right?" You ask, realizing you hadn't said it back and he nods. A hand intertwines with his as you look in his eyes, "I'm sorry I'm such a mess."
"You're not. We all have insecurities or things we don't like about ourselves. I just wish you weren't so hard on yourself. I'm sorry too if you felt I was putting pressure on you to meet everyone."
"Not at all," you shake your head. "That's just me being me."
"Still, if my friends have a problem with us being together for any reason, they're not the people I think they are. Truly though, they'd love you. Hell, if we didn't show up together I could see one of them hitting on you," Jay pauses if imagining it.  "But seriously. They'd adore you. First, because they're going to see firsthand how good you are for me. Then because you're you. Funny, smart-"
"But I want to be pretty, Jay. And look like we belong together."
Jay sighs, but not out of frustration with you. He's only concerned."You are. And we do. I know nothing I say is going to magically change how you see yourself...I get that. You have to be the one to work this out. I really wish you could see yourself through my eyes and love yourself like I love you. Maybe then you'd understand you're so worthy of self-love. I promise, I'm right here and I'm going to keep reminding you how beautiful you are in hopes you'll start to see it."
Your hand caresses his cheek as you fight the urge to cry again. He leans into your touch. "You do help," you tell him because it's true and to reassure him. "I'm so lucky to have you. I'm really going to try to not be so down on myself. Besides. I  really don't want to ruin any more of our nights."
He waves you off. "A night trying to get you to see your beauty is not ruined. And the night's still young. We'll do whatever you're up for. Go out for a bit. Stay in and order food. Whatever."
A small smile appears on your face. You quickly peck his lips with yours. "I just want to wash my face before we do anything." Jay nods. You slide off his lap and head to your bathroom across the hall.
The light flickers for a second as soon as you hit the switch. You go to the sink, turning the water on and letting it run to get to the perfect temperature. Standing there, you glance into the vanity mirror. Your face is still slightly puffy with a few soft pink splotches across your cheeks from all your crying. You splash the water on your face and repeat the action several more times before using a fluffy towel to pat dry your face. You stare back into the mirror. And smile. It reaches your eyes and illuminates your face. You reach a realization. However fleeting or permanent, you don't know. But right now in this moment, you feel it. 
You're pretty.
-
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michals · 3 years
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That post reminded me I never actually posted this and it's one of those ‘kind of embarrassing I spent so much time on it but I’m posting it because I spent so much damn time on it’ things.
Klaus and Luther similarities/parallels
So the show doesn’t give us a ton of Luther and Klaus interaction but I think just them being the characters they are they’re really similar and have interesting parallels.
Of all the siblings I think it’s actually Luther and Klaus who are the most diametrically opposed in terms of their place in the Academy and their childhood. Obviously there’s the dynamic between Reggie explicitly calling Luther his favorite and Klaus his biggest disappointment, both of them had high expectations thrust upon them and one excelled and the other failed. But then again Luther was set up to excel and Klaus to fail. For all that Reggie wanted from Klaus he went about it in entirely the wrong way which only hurt Klaus’s abilities, and comparatively Luther’s powers are very straight forward so his training had to be mental in that he became exactly what Reggie wanted him to be.
Basically: Reggie’s abuse had opposite effects on them. Luther was brainwashed and isolated, Klaus was discarded and left to fend for himself. Luther loves/trusts his dad, Klaus hates him. Luther thinks they have a purpose and what they did was worthwhile, Klaus thinks it was all a big joke and meant nothing beyond Reggie’s little experiment. Luther’s at one end of the spectrum, Klaus the other, and everyone else falls somewhere in between.
How they show the effects of their abuse however, is actually more in sync. Klaus has a habit of either ignoring or talking around problems, acting like they’re not problems, or being flippant about them. Klaus acknowledges Reggie’s abuse but it’s usually in a jokey, casual manner, he usually moves on from talking about it quickly without getting too deep. He knows Reggie did a number on them but confronting it head on is difficult. And this is from a character who’s been in multiple rehab centers that obviously include some kind of therapy sessions.
Luther of course outright denies it until he’s faced with it in the worst way, and even then he can’t really get his head around it. One of the first things he did when landing in the 60s was to go to Reggie and expect him to welcome him, even though he doesn’t even know him. And then for all his talk in s2 about having moved on it reads like lip service, it sounds like he knows that’s what he should say, what he should feel, but it’s not entirely working. It’s like he’s just trying to dismiss it to the point where he will literally run away from the conversation. I still think the moment of him telling Sparrowverse Reggie that he’s happy they’re all home and together is a huge sign that he still thinks of Reggie as his dad no matter what.
Klaus and Luther either don’t know how to talk about their trauma or aren’t willing to. Whether it’s that Luther still doesn’t want to face up to it completely or that perhaps he does have the littlest bit of hope that actually Reggie did care and there was/is a chance he might care yet, or with Klaus trying to put the trauma on the backburner so he doesn’t have to relive it or process it in a way that means he won’t be able to drink it away or perhaps be forced to confront the powers that have caused him so much pain.
I also think they are genuinely sensitive. Not in the same way the others are, but empathetic and gentle in ways they never got to explore as children. I think that emotional wounds go much deeper than they let on. They’re always on the cusp of reaching out but not only do they not like dealing with their problems, they were taught not to. If given the chance they’d probably be happy to play support for the others but that wasn’t Reggie’s goal. I can easily imagine Luther as the kind of leader who takes everyone’s plans and thoughts into account and makes sense of it from there, who’s better at dictating than just demanding. And I imagine Klaus would probably be capable of understanding and connecting to his ghosts in a way that helps both him and them if he had been given different training.
Next is how both of them have poor self esteem and what comes across as a passive view of self preservation. Klaus has a very conflicted view of his place within the Academy. Apparently he was regulated to being the ‘look out’ often and wasn’t as active as the others. Obviously this is because of his complicated relationship with his powers and how Reggie treated him within the group dynamic. If he didn’t think Klaus was important (because he wasn’t doing what he was supposed to) then he wasn’t important. Now, having embraced his place as the black sheep of the family, Klaus still doesn’t know where he fits in and often comes across as “useless” (in quotes cause obvs that’s not the whole story, just a simplification).
Just in general he sees himself as an outsider. For all that he’s flippant and casually cocky he’s not actually all that confident in what he’s capable of to the point of not even trying sometimes because he’s convinced he’ll fail. It’s a smokescreen. It goes hand in hand with him not confronting his feelings or trauma, easier to play like he’s confident than to deal with it.
Luther’s self esteem came entirely from his place in the Academy and his father’s opinion and what Reggie made him. Even then his confidence gets shaken all the time when someone doesn’t listen to him or when they argue with him. He too tries to cover this up, Klaus is glib Luther is bossy. Then there’s the whole gorilla body thing, which he is very obviously mortified by. (Side note: interesting contrast in Klaus being usually the least physically covered up sibling and Luther being the most.) He’s wildly ashamed and embarrassed by his appearance. (There’s a whole other point I could make about how Luther only willingly shows his body when he’s being exploited and pummeled – or high – but that’s another post.)
Then Luther’s whole foundation crumbles with the discovery of Reggie’s true nature. He doesn’t have much left after that and then he’s dropped into a foreign world with no one and no way of coping and then Reggie once again lets him down. What’s he do? Gets into a situation that mirrors his relationship with Reggie, lets himself be taken advantage of, does what he’s told to the point of physical harm - because he knows nothing else and the bet is he doesn’t think he deserves better. Then he spends all of season 2 saying that he messed up, he’s not a hero, he’s not a leader and that he has no place thinking highly of himself. Guy straight up doesn’t have any self esteem at this point.
(Klaus also doesn't see himself as a hero even though he was on a literal superhero team.)
And in terms of their sense of self preservation: Klaus obviously has very little regard for his own health and wellbeing. Even if he doesn’t throw himself in front of bullets he’s still drinking and doing drugs to an extreme degree, to the point where they’ve actually killed him. He knows it’s bad for him, he knows it’s dangerous but he doesn’t care. Even with Ben in his ear he continues. When he dies in s1 he’s relieved.
Speaking of throwing one’s self in front of a bullet: Luther does this 3 times that we see. This comes obviously from his protectiveness as a leader but there’s an undercurrent of other people surviving being more important than him getting hurt. And when Five comes to him to say the world’s ending again Luther says he doesn’t give a shit. The Luther from s1 was all about saving the day, s2 Luther is shrugging and saying ‘yeah well, so what?’ and when he does start to care it’s mostly because he’s looking out for Five.
(Sidenote: I realize that my headcanon that Luther is becoming an alcoholic and has an unhealthy relationship with drugs is probably me reading into things but were the show to go in that direction: that they both would find comfort or an escape through substances would be another thing to tie them together and explore how their traumas affected them and what they do to deal with/avoid dealing with them. They’ve become pessimistic about the prospect of answers or catharsis so they look for escape instead.)
(Also also pointing out that the two times Luther was the most candid about his trauma was when he was drunk/high and one of those times was with Klaus – who for the first time in probably a long time, or ever, got to be the shoulder someone cried on. And what a great thematic idea that it’d be the two of them that’d be the most honest and open with each other eventually.)
Bonus item: Luther and Klaus have both died outside of their apocalypse related deaths (pretty sure Allison never actually died in s1 but was close) and in ways that none of the others were there for. Neither of them have talked about it. Maybe it’s because they don’t want to seem weaker than they already are, maybe it’s more of that ‘let’s not talk about trauma, let’s just get drunk’ mentality, or maybe it’s because they don’t think anyone would care. None of the others have really talked to Luther about the accident or the aftermath, none of them have approached Klaus’s addictions as an actual problem. Whatever reason why it would probably do them a world of good to find out they have that in common in the same way it would be good for Luther and Five to talk about their isolation.
They really seem like they should be very different characters in all respects and they really are in a lot of ways but there’s also this laundry list of ways they mirror each other or are similar and I hope the show takes advantage of that.
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i wish i were, part 3
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part one
part two
summary: it’s getting harder to pretend that everything is okay. 
word count: 4.2k
warnings: step- inc*st, smut, underage sex, suicidal ideation (oops), ANGST, depression, self-harm mention (doesn’t actually happen, just intrusive thoughts), it’s all mentioned very casually so if this is triggering for you please don’t read!! <3 , ambiguous ending 
this is the last part y’all! thanks for going on this ride with me. this was my first multi-chap fic and it kinda gave me the confidence to know that i’m capable of writing longer stuff without it being super shitty lol. sorry that it’s taken me so long!! 
love you all
- bloo 
It's getting harder to pretend that everything is okay.
Peter hates to say it, fuck, the thought physically pains him, but he’s glad the school year’s almost over. He’s glad that it’s almost time for graduation, time for Tony to leave for the special summer program MIT invited him to participate in. 
He just wants to stop feeling like this, never wants to feel like this ever again. He always feels heavy, weighed down, like his clothes are soaking wet. It’s a feeling that goes deep into his bones, leaving him cold, aching, and tired. 
It’s a good thing there’s not really any work left to do for school, other than exams; Peter spends most of his time in bed, headphones on and staring at the wall, the one that separates his room from Tony’s. 
He keeps hearing Pepper’s voice in his head. He thinks you hung the moon, babe. It’s so cute. The words make him burn inside, make him want to dig his fingers in and peel his skin back until the feeling spills out of him. Until his blood spill out, until he doesn’t have to deal with this anymore- Fuck-
That’s how his brain is working, now. The intrusive thoughts have reached new levels. Peter’s always had them, he’s been passively suicidal for most of his adolescence, but it seems that any minor inconvenience has him ready to end it all. But it makes sense, he supposes. He’s already hurting, already weary and withdrawn. It really wouldn’t take much to push him over the edge. 
Too bad he doesn’t really want to die. He just wants everything to...stop. So that he doesn’t have to feel like this.
And because the universe is obviously enjoying fucking with him, the first thing he sees walking out of first period is Pepper walking down the hallway, a faded black t-shirt hanging from her shoulders, exposing the bright red of her bra straps. 
Peter recognizes the garment immediately.
It’s the Black Sabbath shirt, the one he’d kept under his pillow for over a week. The one he’d spilled multiple loads of cum onto before finally putting it in his laundry and carefully slipping it back into Tony’s room once it had been washed. 
And now Pepper’s wearing it. Which means Tony gave it to her.
Peter stops, freezes right there in the doorway of Mrs. Flannigan’s classroom. He blinks, staring blankly in the direction the blonde had gone. His classmates protest behind him, pushing forward until he snaps out of it. Taking a few stumbling steps to the side, he leans back against the wall.
He feels like he can’t breathe. Some kid walking down the hall looks at him funny, and he realizes that there are tears rolling down his cheeks. Hastily wiping them away, he slowly pushes himself off the wall and starts making a hasty exit to the bathroom, head down and eyes trained on the linoleum. 
Then- 
“Hey, Peter- Wait, Pete what’s wrong, what happened?”
Shuddering, barely able to contain the sob that threatens to rip its way out, Peter ignores Tony, just pushes past him and doesn’t stop moving until he’s locked in the private restroom. 
With his back to the door, Peter slides down til his butt’s on the cold ground, arms wrapped around his knees as he tries to muffle his cries as he sits there, shaking.
He just wants it to stop.
***
Something’s up with Peter, and Tony has a sinking feeling that it’s got something to do with him. But he doesn’t know what he possibly could have done. 
They’d had such a nice time celebrating his birthday. He even had a new photo in his wallet, a polaroid of him and Peter cheesing goofily into the camera. Looking at it brings a smile to his face. 
He really does love his little brother. Though he was young, Tony can remember life before Richard and Peter came into their lives. He remembers being an only child as lonely hours spent trying to entertain himself while his mom was busy working, trying to support him as a single parent. He’d been ecstatic upon meeting Richard and finding out that he had a little boy, too, that he was going to get a brother. 
Tony knows that he and Peter haven’t been spending as much time together as they usually do, but he just chalked it up to it being his senior year. He wanted to spend the time with his friends, with his girlfriend, making the best of their last bit of time together before everything changes. 
Peter’s words from his birthday ring in his head. I don’t want you to...forget me. Maybe he’s feeling left behind? 
He’s only got a little over a week left until graduation, and then a week after that he leaves for MIT. That’s not much time at all.
The teen resolves to make some more time in his schedule to spend with his younger brother. Rhodey and the guys and Pep can deal for a couple days. 
***
Peter’s pulled out of the clusterfuck of ruminative thoughts that have kept him awake for the past week by the squeak of his bedroom door being opened. He blinks under the covers, instinctively curling in on himself. He’s been under here for hours, but he still feels so cold.
Tony’s voice comes through the small crack he’s created between the door and the jamb, one eye peeking inside. “Peter? Are you….” He pauses and clears his throat before continuing softly, “Are you okay?” 
The lump under the covers that is Peter shifts a little. His voice is dull and monotone when he replies, as apathetic as he can muster. “...Just leave me alone, Tony.” So much for that. Even saying his brother’s name hurts, a lot more than he thought it would, making his voice crack pathetically. Peter pulls his hands up to his chest and tries to quell the sudden surge of emotion that rushes through him, stifling a whimper. Please just go away. 
Of course, instead of listening for once in his fucking life, Tony opens the door further so that he can slip inside. It closes behind him with a soft click and he takes a tentative step towards the queen bed that’s pushed up against the walls in the corner of the dark bedroom. "Pete…" Peter can hear him softly pad over to the nightstand and flick on the small lamp sitting there. His breathing in the quiet room is near deafening to Peter. “I…” He hovers there for a minute before sighing and sitting at the foot of the bed. “I wish you’d tell me what’s wrong. So that I can… I just want to help, Pete.”
The silence stretches on uncomfortably between them and even under the covers, Peter can feel the worried gaze burning him alive. 
His skin is crawling with how badly he wants to crawl out of the covers and into Tony’s lap, the way he would when they were younger and he was upset. He needs to get Tony out of here. He can’t- 
Peter moves so that his head is exposed, but he looks down at the bed rather than the other teen. "No, it’s fine. I mean I-, I’m fine," Peter sniffles, blinking furiously in an attempt to will the tears away. Fuck. His- fuck, his throat is tight, he can't swallow. His mouth falls open, a shuddering breath escaping as the muscles in his throat spasm. "I get it, Tony. I promise I get it, I really do. I do. She's-" 
Fuck. He must really be exhausted, he wasn’t supposed to say that, wasn’t supposed to let on the truth of why he’s upset. Peter's eyes flit around like he's on speed, darting from one focal point to another without him truly seeing anything. His voice is hoarse, thin. It's as small as he feels. Miniscule. Insignificant. He’s gonna ruin everything but he can’t make himself stop. "I mean, I can’t- I can't compete with-" The words come to an abrupt halt, his mouth snapping shut. 
Tony nudges Peter’s foot with his knee. “What? Peter.” He bumps against Peter again until the younger boy looks up to make eye contact. 
That stupid fucking crease forms between his older brother's eyebrows. Peter wants to slap him. Or kiss him. Mostly he wants to scream. 
"Peter, what? Compete with who? Are you talking about Pepper? I know we haven’t been spending much time together, but I’m gonna fix that before I leave, I promise. I don’t want you to feel left behind, not at all but I still don’t get- What’s this got to do with -," Tony starts, placatingly. But there’s something in his eyes, in the barely there tremor in his voice- And Peter suddenly realizes that Tony knows, has to know at least a little bit. 
He swears his vision flashes red for a second. "It has everything to do with her," Peter all but shrieks, nails digging crescent-shaped welts into his palms. He feels overwhelmed, trapped. Like a hermit crab without its shell- vulnerable, horribly exposed. It comes out without his consent, and so does his fucking stutter. Fuck it all. "And I know- I know- I know I'm fucked up, Tony, I know it, but I love you, the way that you love h-huh-her.” 
He takes a shuddering breath, reeling from saying the words out loud for the first time. “I'm sss-suh-sick, and g-gross and you- I know I'm a fff-fuh-freak and nnn-now- now you’re gonna hate me!" Peter sobs, his entire body shaking as he works himself towards an anxiety attack, a panic attack, a heart attack, fucking something. “I can’t even fu-fu-fu-fucking talk-” There’s snot and tears running down his face, he’s upset himself so much he can’t get through a fucking sentence. He knows he’s making a fucking fool of himself. He’s so stupid, why did he ever think that anything could come from this. He just wants it all to stop, he wants Tony to leave so that he can figure out some way to fix this, to make it all go away-
Tony’s staring at him, mouth parted, dark eyes wide and concerned. "Baby, what- I could never hate you, babydoll." It’s like the nickname comes out instinctually, the sound of Peter’s stutter instantly taking him back to the way he would console Peter when they were much younger, pulling him into his arms and rocking him like his own little baby. 
He climbs on the bed and burrows into the nest of blankets and pillows that Peter has created, but he stays sitting up. His arms wrap around his baby brother and pull him up into his lap so that he’s close to his chest, in spite of the younger’s attempts to squirm away. “Calm down, Pete.” Tony presses his lips to Peter’s head when his cries only increase, frowning at how hot the skin of his forehead is. “You’ve gotta calm down,” he soothes. “C’mon, it’ll get better once you calm down, baby, you know that.” One of his hands glides up and down Peter’s heaving back. 
Gasping, Peter shakes his head. He buries his face in the space where Tony’s pec and arm meet, taking a shuddering breath through his mouth. He’s trying to calm down but it’s not working. “I’m so- I’m so ssss-sss-suh-sorry, Tuh-Tony!” He feels like he’s gonna pass out. Shifting a bit, he pulls his head back in an attempt to get some more air. They almost make eye contact but he hurriedly looks away. He’s ruined everything. Tony hasn’t reacted to his confession yet but Peter knows that it’s gonna be bad, it’s gonna be so bad when he does. 
What’s he got left to lose?
Peter can't help himself; he leans in. The tips of their noses brush, and he pauses there for a moment. He can hear Tony's sharp intake of breath through his own heaving as they finally lock eyes. The look in Tony's chocolate depths is- Peter doesn’t really know. Tony's never looked at him like this before, no one has.
“Tony,” he whispers shakily, breath catching in his throat before closing the distance between them. Time stands still for a moment before something breaks, the tension snapping like a rubberband pulled too tight. Their mouths meet and Peter immediately whines at the feeling of Tony’s lips on his, body instinctively arching up against his brother’s, too lost in it to feel embarrassed of how easy he is to get worked up. 
It’s...everything he ever dreamed of.
Tony’s hands move to cup his cheeks, and Peter’s own hands find their way into the other’s dark, wavy locks as their mouths move against each other. There’s a swipe of tongue across his bottom lip, timidly asking for entrance. The younger obliges immediately, letting the warm muscle slide into his mouth where it meets his own. It sends shivers down his spine and he keens when his tongue is sucked into the wet of Tony’s mouth. His dick begins to fill rapidly in his sweats, leaving him feeling lightheaded and a bit disoriented.
Peter’s never made out with anyone before, but this- 
He thinks he understands what all of the hype is about, now. 
They pull apart, both gasping for air. Tony moves his head slightly, taking heaving breaths that blow onto the exposed skin of Peter’s neck, and his entire body seizes. The elder brother pauses, eyes darkening, before he latches his mouth there and sucking, hard- Fuck, Peter swears he’s about to cum in his pants. 
“Tony.” The name is all but ripped from his throat, ragged and wanton and filthy sounding. He didn’t know he could feel this good. There’s precum steadily leaking from the slit at the tip of his cock, and though he can’t see it at the moment, he’s sure there’s a wet spot staining the crotch of his pants. 
More moist air on the sensitive skin of his neck, now slightly red from being rubbed by the stubble covering Tony’s chin. “Shit, Peter,” comes the eighteen year old’s wrecked gasp and his hips shift, nudging his own erection against Peter’s thigh. “Fuck, fuck.”
Peter feels like he’s losing his mind. “Tony, Tony lemme- Wanna touch you, please-,” he says, unable to put together a full sentence. The cock he’s been dreaming about for almost a year is within his reach and he doesn’t know how they got here, has no idea what’s going to happen after, but he’s so fucking close to getting what he’s wanted for so long but thought he could never have. His hands flutter restlessly near the front of his brother’s basketball shorts and the bulge that’s pressing insistently against the loose material. 
“Yeah,” Tony gasps, shifting Peter out of his lap so that he can lie down on the bed on his side and then he pulls Peter down with him, facing each other. “Me too, can I…,” he trails off, the fingers of his right hand running down Peter’s body from his shoulder down to the sharp point of his hip bone. 
All Peter can do is nod jerkily, already reaching to tug at the dark red fabric that’s wrapped around the older teen’s waist. He lets out a desperate, frustrated sound when they get caught, but Tony’s hands take over for him, so he pushes his own pants down to his knees instead. His dick hangs down heavily once it's free of its confines, and there’s a quiet thud as Tony’s slaps against the dark hairs smattered across his lower belly. 
Looking at his big brother’s cock for the first time in the dim lighting makes Peter’s mouth water. He can make out the slight shadow of a vein running the length of it, and his tip is big, a drop of precum sitting there just waiting for him to lick at it. He’s bigger than Peter, in both length and girth. It’s perfect, something right out of his fantasies. 
Tony rocks his hips forward and their erections rub against each other, prompting them to let out synchronous groans. “Holy shit,” Peter whines, his own hips stuttering as they start to rut against each other in earnest. They quickly get into a slightly stumbling rhythm. It feels so good, their cocks both so hot, so hard. He already knows this is going to be over before it really even starts but he couldn’t care less. “Tony, Tony, yes-”
The brunette all but growls. “That’s it, Petey. Fuck, your cock feels so good, I never- Shit,” Tony pants before spitting into his palm and wrapping his hand around both of their shafts. “Fucking hell-” His toes twitch against the inside of Peter’s ankle. “Pete-”
Peter’s movements get jerkier, his hips stuttering at the feeling of Tony’s wet hand, the way their dicks are sliding against one another. He’s so close, so fucking close. “Please,” he whimpers, fingers digging to Tony’s shoulders where he’s holding on in an attempt to ground himself. HIs tongue licks at his brother’s bottom lip. “Wanna cum, Tony, lemme cum-”
“Yeah, fuck, yes Peter, cum, cum for me-” Tony groans, the speed of his stroking increasing. The rhythm is jerky, and it’s so uncoordinated when combined with their frantic undulating, but it feels amazing. 
“Tony, Tony, Tony,” Peter chants as his orgasm slams into him like a brick wall. His muscles lock up, and there are probably crescent-shaped welts in the skin of Tony’s shoulders and back. Thick, white ropes of cum shoot from his cock and make a mess in his brother’s hand. A whine escapes him as he grows more sensitive in Tony’s grasp. 
The feeling of the warm liquid smearing over his erection is what does the older teen in. He crushes his mouth to Peter’s as he cums, fucking into his fist and rubbing against the other’s softening cock, licking lewdly into the wet of his mouth. “Pete,” he sighs, pulling away after he’s ridden out the wave of his orgasm. 
“I love you,” Peter whispers contently, snuggling in and pressing a kiss to a freckle on Tony’s shoulder. This is everything he’s ever wanted, to be held in his big brother’s arms like this: like a lover. Maybe he was worried for nothing, maybe everything will be okay. Sure, they’ll have to hide it from everyone, especially Mom & Dad, but once they’re both in college… They have different last names, no one would ever have to know. They could be happy. Peter just wants to be happy, just wants this feeling to stay. 
Tony shifts slightly and takes a deep breath, the puff of air ruffling Peter’s sweat-slick auburn curls. “Pete,” he says again, softly. “I love you too, I do.” He pauses, pulling back slightly and loosening his hold on the younger boy and rolling onto his back so that they’re both looking up at the ceiling. “But I-”
Peter freezes, the afterglow fading instantly. His heartbeat picks up, and there’s a slight ringing in his ears. He grips the sweat damp comforter in his hands, fingers twitching restlessly, stroking back and forth over the fabric in an attempt to soothe himself. No. No, no no, this isn’t- Tony- He can’t-
Another heavy sigh. “We can’t- We can’t do this again, Pete,” Tony says into the quiet of the night, still slightly out of breath from exertion. His voice is soft, gentle. He’s trying not to hurt Peter; Peter thinks that’s bullshit.
There’s a lead weight in his stomach. He feels like he’s drowning. He feels like he’s gonna be sick. He feels dirty. He feels- 
He’s so tired of feeling.
Tony hesitates before pulling his shorts up and sliding out of the bed. He reaches out, brushing his fingers over Peter’s hand, jerks back when the younger immediately tenses and recoils from the touch. “I’m sorry,” he whispers before hastily making his way to the door, shutting it gently behind him. 
“Just go, Tony,” he croaks before rolling over in the bed, away from the love of his life his brother. 
Peter lays there for the rest of the night, unmoving, staring at the ceiling, tears running down the sides of his face, seeing nothing. 
If only he could feel nothing, too.
*** 
“Where...where ya goin, Pete?” 
Peter is putting clothes in a small duffel bag. He makes a mental note to remember to grab a new thing of toothpaste when he gets his toiletry bag together. “I’m, uh, gonna go stay with Ned. For a few days.” More like a few weeks, but he doesn’t need to tell Tony that. 
It’s only been two days since they- 
Peter’s already had enough. He can’t be here, he can’t skirt around the elephant that is his feelings towards Tony, can’t handle the awkwardness in the air as his stupid fucking brother tries to go on as if nothing ever happened. As if it meant nothing to him. 
As if Peter meant nothing to him, means nothing to him.
Peter can...he can be okay with that. He has to be. But he can’t be here. He can’t.
“What about mom and da-” Tony cuts himself off, and Peter can tell that’s not what he is really trying to ask. Of course he’s so fucking disgusted, so fearful of someone else knowing, that he can’t even say it. No, what he really means is- 
“I didn’t tell them I kissed you, Tony,” Peter hisses, tears burning in his eyes. He yanks the zipper of his bag closed, biting back a scream when it gets stuck for a second. “I’m not stupid. Why would I tell them what we did? I don’t want them to hate me, too. Don’t worry about what I told them, they said I could go.” 
Maria and Richard are under the impression that Peter’s just stressed about his grades and going a little stir crazy. When they’d talked last night, Mom had frowned gently at him, mentioning how down he’d looked lately and letting him know that he was loved and cherished. Dad had actually been the one to suggest spending some time with Ned; maybe seeing his best friend would help pull Peter out of his funk.
If only they knew. 
Tony gapes at him, an incredulous look on his face. “But what about Tuesday? You’re gonna miss my graduation? For what, to fuck around with Ned? Peter-”
Something in him snaps. He clenches his jaw, swallows harshly. Glares tearily at his brother. “Would you please just stop it?” 
The taller boy sets his shoulders and crosses his arms, defiant. “I don’t want you to go.” His eyes are narrowed, searching Peter’s face. For what, the younger has no idea. Nor does he care. 
“It doesn’t matter what you want, Tony,” he yells, glad that Mom and Dad are out at the grocery store, getting supplies for Tony’s graduation party. His voice cracks on his brother’s name. Always on his name. “Not anymore. I don’t- I know you don’t- Do you know how much it hurts me? To- to hear you? To know, to have to listen to-”
Tony’s mouth opens, but no words come out. “Hear us? You- you heard us? When?” His eyes are wide. He must realize exactly what Peter’s talking about, when he’s talking about, and he looks uncomfortable, vulnerable in a way that Peter’s never seen him before. Something ugly deep inside the younger teen feels satisfied for a moment before it deflates. He’s left feeling just as drained as before. 
Tony continues, “Peter, I-” He cuts himself off, looks away. 
Of course he can’t even come up with something to say.
“For fuck’s sake, Tony, you don’t have to explain everything to me!” It comes out as a sob. Peter feels like he’s a volcano; the words are erupting and he can’t do anything but allow it, powerless to stop them. “Nothing you say will make it better! I know you’re straight! I know it’s- that it’s wrong. I know Pepper is-,” he chokes, gasping. Why is this happening? Everything is going so fast. How is he freezing and on fire at the same time? 
“She’s gorgeous and I’m just the path-th-thetic little br-brother who th-thinks you hung the moon.” Peter’s spluttering, flapping his hands at his sides as he tries to do something with the energy humming inside him. He wants out, he needs Tony to go so that he can finish packing. He has to get out of here. 
Tony takes a step towards him. “No, Peter, how could you-”
Peter’s sniffling, eyes squeezed shut. His hands are clenched into fists at his sides, trembling. Why won’t Tony just leave him alone? He just wants to be alone. “I know I’m ugly and I- I bet you can’t w-w-wait to go to MIT, to go away from me!” 
“Babydoll,” is what leaves Tony’s mouth, so soft Peter almost doesn’t hear it. His hands are shaking as they land on his younger brother’s cheeks. Warm tears are gently brushed away by his thumbs. “Pete.” 
Brow furrowed, Peter slowly opens his eyes and blinks the tears back in order to look at his brother. Tony looks...scared? What does he have to be scared of? 
Peter tries to pull away, out of Tony’s grasp but the older teen just clutches him tighter. “Tony- What? It’s fine, j-just stop! Let me go, I need to finish-”
Tony closes his eyes and crashes their lips together.
don’t hate me 
@spidey-sins @silkystark @thegreenmetblue @snailshome @hp-nv-221b @lemondrop313  
if you wanna be untagged lmk 
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mymelancholiesblues · 3 years
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No, Mia isn’t  "low-tier" compared to Ada (morally speaking, or w/e) – a measured answer?/essay
So, a couple of Ada haters tried to put up a false symmetry between both of these characters there on twitter, and it inspired me to put my own thoughts down in a more articulate essay as to why that's (Ada's somehow being morally worse than Mia) not sustained by canon in Resident Evil.
standing there, killing time
can't commit to anything but a crime
all the good girls go to hell
'cause even God herself has enemies
and once the water starts to rise
and heaven's out of sight
she'll want the Devil on her team. ⁕
First things first: let us debunk the false symmetry that they tried to establish between these two characters with extremely distinct archetypes – and worse, the following replies to this false symmetry and its poor arguments trying to validate it, pointing out that, in fact, no, character B (that would be Ada, btw) – which is so evidently and ridiculously different from character A (and that would be Mia) – is, in fact, WAY WORSE than character A, and then proceeding to assert some unsupported propositions about misogyny in Resident Evil (which, tbh, definitely IS a recurring problem in the franchise, but that in this case particularly, little or does not apply AT ALL) and how Ada contributes to "the perpetration of a biological cold war".
Starting with what differentiates Mia from Ada grotesquely: we know NOTHING of Ada's true alliances in RE's world. Mia, however, canonically worked for a group that participated in the importation and exportation as well as the manufacturing, testing and marketing of biological weapons: "The Connections", a CRIMINAL SYNDICATE which, amongst other things, was also involved in money laundering, assassinations as well as weapons and drug trafficking. I don't care at all about Mia, so I don't intend to waste much of my time going on about her role in the plot, but people should've already realized by just that much how infinitely dishonest is to try to put these two characters as "similar" ones, or argue that Ada is somehow worse.
Another detail that shouldn't escape anyone's attention too, are the origins and nationalities of both – and yes, I intend to briefly bring up racism against eastern-Asian looking characters (a silent plague that takes form by each passing day in all fiction fandoms) and anti-China xenophobia, but for now, hold this tea there just before I drop it: Mia is canonically American, and previously a Texas-state resident; meanwhile, we have no confirmation of Ada's nationality except for her pretty evident Chinese ancestry. But, as I said, hold it there for a while.
i) espionage — the job
red so silent
wait a minute
or just a little while.
what are you looking for? ⁕
At all times that Ada's "job" was brought up in this franchise, in ALL of her cameos, she has NEVER been called a mercenary in the original Japanese. She's always referred to as a SPY. Even in RE2R, the most recent title in which she's featured in, the original text of the game makes a point of labelling her as a SPY (and not a mercenary) in the dialogue that transpires between Annette and Leon.
It's the North-American translation and correspondent localization that now and then falls for the equivocal use of this other term. This distinction is important since espionage NECESSARILY implies operating in an organized service for, perhaps a country, or a political cause, or a class/group, or a corporation, or whatever. While a mercenary is someone who's acting per their self financial interests, indiscriminately selling their specialized "labour" and skills to anyone who'll offer more.
Ada's not a mercenary, she's a spy. But Mia, in addition to being hired to a canonically criminal company, was also the handler personally assigned to Eveline. I don't care how exactly Mia got in that predicament but the fact is: Mia was canonically employed by a company that profited over illicit activities and directly watched as a family was destroyed and toyed with by this new killing machine (Eve). Yet, we can't state for sure that we know to whom or to what Ada is truly affiliated with.
ii) sources — check them
who's a heretic now?
am I making sense?
how can you make it stick?
and I'm on a trial
waiting 'til the beat comes out. ⁕
This fandom should put a little more thought into which translation and localization of the game texts, dialogues and files they are using to support their arguments. I know that in some cases the United States people have a bit of an inclination to think of themselves as the owners of the planet and deem English as the only language that matters in this world, but let's not forget that RE is a Japanese franchise (wow, insane, right?!). Therefore, the most valid script, with the greatest amount of details, and highest credibility, is the Japanese original. Throughout these years, there have been several errors in translation and localization of the Japanese original to North-American English. And, believe me, curiously enough, plenty of those concern Ada, since she's often mentioned or referred to in a very vague way – without the use of pronouns or adjectives or adverbs that could help in indicating gender. This ended up causing those details and mentions to her to get overlooked, even though in the Japanese text it was a clear reference to her character (per observation of context).
iii) the good guys — one of
head in the dust
feet in the fire
labour on that midnight wire
listening for that angel choir
you got nowhere to run
careful son, you got dreamers plans
but it gets hard to stand. ⁕
Yes, as much as haters try to minimize it, it is SIGNIFICANT that Ada saved so many important characters and stood for unquestionably heroic actions in so many moments - like stopping everything she was doing so she could help completely random Chinese civilians with the helicopter she managed to pilot in that chaos in China (yeah, I know you haters love to forget about this, but it happened, it's there in canon, and no, it wasn't her direct OR indirect responsibility what was going on in China: REPLAY RE6 and for the love of GOD, never again argue that what she did was somehow "the equivalent of evacuating a city after selling a WMD to destroy that same city". It's a case of pure intellectual dishonesty to say such a thing. It's canon that Carla was the one who caused what happens in China, PLEASE, PLAY RE6).
Furthermore, Ada shows compassion on some occasions even for characters who are directly putting her in harms ways, like Annette (in RE2 OG, right after - in order to defend herself - she slaps Annette leading her to lose balance and collapse over the sewers fences, Ada makes an effort in trying to pull Annette back and prevent her from falling) and Carla.
Replay RE4 and pay attention to it, pay attention to her solo campaign: getting involved with Leon's journey in Spain hasn't brought any real benefit to her mission or herself: Ada deviates from her main path several times due to worrying about him and trying to help him and almost ends up dead in several of these occasions over her insistence in doing so: by saving him from Bitores Mendez, by helping him and Ashley against Sadler, by confronting Krauser and stopping him.
It's so lazy to only read/listen to a file in which she says in English that "Leon might be useful to her plans" (this is way more nuanced in the Japanese original of Ada's Report), and ignore everything that was SHOWN in the game: every effort she made to ensure that Leon could rescue Ashley, remove the parasite from his and her bodies, and escape from that hell-island.
The jet-ski she left for their escape was ALREADY there before she was captured by Sadler (or you think she arranged it while she was caught?). Leon having to intervene and save her from Sadler WASN'T her plan. It WASN'T her plan to take the sample from Leon's hands. She wanted to help him get out of there with Ashley and she guaranteed he could do so, she wanted to get the sample by herself and escape too while sending that hell to kingdom's come. But, because she chose to help Leon rescue Ashley right in front of Sadler, she ends up captured.
On her end, Mia never did anything minimally compared to that, and all of her "selflessness" or self-sacrificing actions involved a much, MUCH smaller scope than Ada's: wanting to help her husband and HERSELF is not at all comparable to saving a few dozens of unknown Chinese civilians. So no, they aren't "cut from the same cloth". They don't come from the same place, nor do they share the same intentions or goals, and their contributions to the RE storyline are quite different.
iv) unknown true purpose (shades of grey)
lining up in the background
waiting for the crowd shot to be seen
in the shadow of the big screen
everybody begs to be redeemed. ⁕
In databooks, Ada is recurrently described as "a Chinese spy with extraordinary physical abilities, vigorous health and composed mind and spirit, capable of coping with grim situations and handling even the most difficult requests without losing composure". If we are paying attention to the storytelling ingame, however, we know that this isn't always the case: Ada did let her mask of unswerving emotional and physical strength fall and showed a very fragile side under strenuous circumstances a couple of times already.
Also, in these databooks, they often point out that "she has her own 'true purpose' and has FREQUENTLY betrayed organizations and clients to achieve it". Huh, we can AGAIN, by this only, see how completely different she's from Mia, who personally watched an entire family being driven to insanity by Eveline's hand.
Furthermore, in these databooks, it's often said that "this true purpose is still obscure and whether she truly cared for anyone or simply used her charms to manipulate people that crossed paths with her isn't ever clear". If people are willing to be open-minded and exercise their text comprehension skills, though, they'll see that in multiple occasions of emotional confrontation it has been established time and time again that yes, Ada DOES care. She wasn't capable of shooting Leon and there has been a couple of other times that failing to choose a cool, sociopathic calculation and pragmatical demeanour over empathy and humanity towards others has put her in harms ways: nonetheless she still chose it.
v) positive impact
I'm gonna break the cycle
I'm gonna shake up the system
I'm gonna destroy my ego. ⁕
To this point, RE's plot systematically leads us to believe that Ada has been covertly acting behind the scenes of multiple biological incidents COLLECTING INFORMATION (the job of a spy, who would've thought! lmao), that is valuable to numerous organizations, companies, groups and different contexts, but at the same time of allegedly offering to handle this knowledge for the right price to the big players involved with bioterrorism and clandestine trading of bioweapons, she's also working to sabotage said players.
This is evident throughout the franchise: she intended to hurt Umbrella's business. She outwitted and deceived Wesker multiple times. She even undermined Simmons, someone who was in a position of power in the US government and actively using that position to lead bioterrorist ventures on the parallel side.
There's no concrete evidence or hint as to what she does with the information she collects, and for all purposes and effects, I can presume that she's gathering this knowledge to assist in the discovery of countermeasures and vaccination studies. I might as well argue that she is a Chinese spy who is working against European and North-American capitalism and the imperialism that creates such monsters like the biochemical and bioweapons industry and that her real objective is to dismantle the market for bioweapons and bioterror supported mainly by the USA (see: Simmons and The Family).
That is, as long as it is unclear what her true purpose is, I have the freedom to surmise whatever the heck I want and that all of what she's been doing was for the sake of the greater "good" - and I'll even have canon moments to support this reasoning as it's clear that she regularly sabotages her customers (customers that are unquestionably established as playing for the "evil" side, with perverse intentions) - throughout the franchise. She did this on RE2, RE4, RE6 and Damnation. It's there, transparent in canon, people just choose to ignore it.
She laughs in the face of whoever she's talking to by the end of Damnation, saying she doesn't intend to deliver the Plaga; she scoffs at Simmons; she betrays Wesker and kills Krauser. She had been sabotaging Wesker for so long, that he sent Krauser to be the main agent in the mission in Spain, and Ada was just a "side effect" that he didn't have in control and had to keep an eye on, so he ordered Krauser to keep tabs on her. It's not a mutually beneficial dynamic. Ada doesn't want Wesker to succeed, she despises him; this is clear in the games in which they interact. There are even files that indicate that she was trying to double-cross and get in the way of his plans for at least 2 years before Spain, and he was constantly catching up with her. See here and here.
On her end, Mia was employed by and consciously working for a criminal syndicate.
vi) a (secretly) helping hand
oh, I'm a master pretender
just felt more alone
the further I'd go
but I'll stick around
I'll be your master defender
yeah, I'll stick around. ⁕
Ada approached characters such as John Clemens and Luis Sera, and both had a canonical intention to, in addition to putting an end to their connections with the criminal companies and organizations they've been working for, also expose and denounce them for their crimes. It's in this context that Ada comes into contact with them. And why is that?
Check John's background: he had made up his mind about disclosing Umbrella's crimes to the public. Check Luis' background: Ada went to Spain to assist in his extradition since he feared for his own life if he resolved to turn his back on the cult of Los Illuminados, and also dreaded the consequences of the liberation of Las Plagas on an international scale.
Keep in mind that Ada handed over to Wesker a USELESS Plaga sample. Wesker only got the sample currently circulating in the underground market because he went after Krauser's body. We don't know what Ada did with the master Plaga sample she obtained. We only know from Ada's Report and the Plaga Recovery file that she didn't deliver it to Wesker, and he needed to go out for a plan B to get it.
Even the G-Virus sample that fell into the hands of the clandestine business, it's possible to argue that Ada's involvement in it was flimsy, since Simmons CANONICALLY made over a thousand laboratory tests in Sherry, and, as we know, he was a leading figure in bioterrorism and bioweapons trading with the aid of his position in the US government.
But, guess what, Ada clearly is a non-white character with obvious Chinese heritage and Mia is white, so of course, OF COURSE, someone can so nonchalantly affirm that Ada, this "vile bitch", is somehow WORSE than Mia. The same Mia who watched the Bakers being destroyed. Right.
Also: trying to validate one's point by claiming anything related to the misogyny present in RE franchise, while IN THE SAME BREATH AND TWEET reducing Ada's entire character arc to that of "a sociopathic bitch cured by the magic dick of her love interest" is supposed to be a joke, right? No, really. Joke.
conclusion and a word against misogyny
we are waiting on a telegram to
give us news of the fall
I am sorry to report
dear Paris is burning after all
we have taken to the streets
in open rejoice, revolting
we are dancing a black waltz
fair Paris is burning after all. ⁕
To any Ada fan that has been reading this so far: PLEASE, I ask to consider refraining to use the "oh yes, Ada did some bad shit, bUT" take to defend the character because that isn't sustained by canon in RE, lmao. She didn't do anything evil that had an indisputable bad impact on the plot and other characters arcs. For one, I myself do love some villains, but that isn't the case with Ada.
She did do some unconventional shit yes, since she's a morally GRAY character and an anti-heroine, but by the end of the day, each and every action of hers had a positive impact on the journey of other characters and main plot. Just pay attention to it.
Like idk man, Black Widow, Elektra Natchios, Scarlet Witch and Black Cat from Marvel, Catwoman from DC, Yennefer from The Witcher (some pop culture examples that come to mind).
Saying that this is an "extremely selfish prototypal bad bitch except when it comes to the magical redeeming dick of her love interest" it's a grotesque reduction of a complex female character, and, in its attempt to critique the misogyny present in RE's franchise an expression of misogyny in itself.
Remember: Ada has actions and impact on the franchise ASIDE and IN ADDITION to her romantic involvement with Leon.
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peachyteez · 4 years
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death’s grip ≫ DAY ONE, TRUST.
the tiger hybrid managed to escape from south korea’s top illegal hybird ring fights. of course, they didn’t let him go so easily. losing his chasers in a forest, covered in blood—his and others’—he decided to accept his fate of death from his wounds until a female and two other hybrids managed to take him from death’s grip.
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PART OF THE HEAVEN SERIES.
✧ taglist: @defsoul15, @choisaniskillingme, @joongiebug, @t-tbinnie, @chanyeolol, @danibookmarks, @hello-its-ya-boi, @murralyn, @alienmashup, @panini, @moon8894, @taetae123094, @luv3rxcha, @treasure-hwa, @etherealbyeol, @hwaseongzzz, @koasworld, @sunsethw4​
can’t be tagged: @yoongisleftboob
feel free to let me know if you would like to be added to the list!
✧ note: i know this is a day late; i have a lot going on and uni’s not being very nice :(
✧ WARNINGS: mentions of blood and death
next。
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“okay, now that we’re here—yunho, come back!”
it’s been roughly about two weeks since the three had settled in their new home. it was a new experience for all of them. for both seonghwa and yunho, they were experiencing the heaven of living with someone that actually cared for them and not just using them like toys. for jiyu, she was experiencing the feeling of having people to come home to, people to rant to when she had a bad day at work, and people that she can consider her friends and dare she say, family.
now that they had settled down, jiyu thought it’d be a nice idea if she could let seonghwa and yunho experience things that they had never done before. like this time around, hiking.
running after a cheerful yunho who went after a butterfly, she breathlessly chuckled at his inner child peeking through. “yun, i know you’re a giant, and you’re really easy to spot. but it’s really dangerous on hiking paths since the trail can split off and i won’t have any idea where you went, alright?” she smiled while ruffling his hair.
“sorry,” he sheepishly apologized, his tail wagging back and forth in excitement at the new adventure that he was about to embark on. “come on! let’s go!” he yelped before running off towards the path again.
seonghwa chuckled. “he really is a little kid trapped in a giant’s body,” he said before running after the puppy hybrid to join him. 
jiyu looked after them with a sigh, but she couldn’t wipe the little grin off her face. “they’re such dorks,” she mumbled before running after them. “hey, wait for me!”
and that’s how it was for most of the hike: yunho running ahead, utterly fascinated with the little insects and flowers on the path. although jiyu had to physically drag the giant away before he could even touch the poison ivy. even if seonghwa wasn’t showing his excitement like yunho, jiyu could tell he was enjoying nature since his eyes were contently closed as he basked in the sunlight while walking. 
jiyu smiled seeing them enjoy themselves. movement in the corner of her eye caught her attention. her eyes lit up at the sight. “guys!” she whisper-shouted, pointing to a fawn and its child by a nearby river. “look, it’s fawns! but we have to keep quiet otherwise we’re going to scare them away.”
seonghwa and yunho’s eyes sparkled at the sight. they kept their eyes on the two animals who were drinking from the river. looking at their tails, jiyu couldn’t help but stifle her laughter—they were slowly wagging, a sign that they were invested with what was in front of their eyes. 
suddenly, the mother fawn’s head snapped up in alert. staring at the trees nearby, almost as if someone or something was there, she nudged her baby before they both took off. jiyu furrowed her eyebrows in confusion. did they see something?
yunho pouted. “aww, i wanted to watch them a bit more,” he mumbled. seonghwa nodded in agreement, the same small pout on his lips, too. “did they notice us?”
jiyu looked in the direction that the mother fawn was staring at. she shook her head. “no, the mother fawn looked over there, not at us,” she answered, still slightly confused at what couldn’t been there to startle the fawn so much. 
out of nowhere, a low growl was heard. jiyu and yunho tensed while seonghwa’s ears perked up in alert. standing protectively in front of the two, seonghwa intently stared at the direction that the growl came from. “who’s there?”
jiyu realized it was coming from the same direction that the mother fawn was staring at. carefully walking in front of seonghwa, she peered down and noticed an injured person sitting and leaned against one of the huge trees. her eyes widened. “sir! are you okay?” she called out, about to climb down the hiking trail and towards the injured person. 
seonghwa grabbed her arm. “what are you doing? what if you get hurt?” he asked, his eyes filled with worry. 
“he’s injured, hwa!” she defended. “come with me to check up on him.”
with a nod, seonghwa started carefully walking down the slope, away from the hiking trail. yunho hesitantly looked at the two as he debated if he wanted to follow them.
looking back at yunho, jiyu sensed his hesitation. “can you call the ambulance, yunho?” she softly asked, handing him her phone. after getting a nod, she immediately started to approach the injured man. but the closer she got, she noticed something on his head.
“a hybrid...” she mumbled. “yunho, wait don’t call an ambulance!” she called back to the puppy. looking back to the injured hybrid, her breath caught in her throat. he was looking at her with the most intimidating glare he could muster despite his many injuries.
“leave me alone...” he managed to growl out.
taking a closer look, she noticed he was clutching onto an open gash on his stomach, little cuts on his face, and he was covered in blood. blood was even dripping out of his mouth. she gasped. what happened?
“and let you die of blood loss?” she asked. seonghwa stood behind jiyu in case the hybrid were to attack.
the hybrid scoffed, wincing in pain after. “if that’s how i go, then that’s how it’ll be,” he mumbled, closing his eyes and leaning his head back against the tree. “i don’t need your help, so leave.”
jiyu bit her lip in thought. she couldn’t just leave him here to bleed out and die. she turned to seonghwa. “can you go tell yunho to call yeonjun and explain what happened?” she gently asked.
seonghwa immediately shook his head. “what if he attacks when i’m gone?” he whispered back, the same worried expression back on his face.
jiyu ruffled his hair. “i’ll be fine. you seem to forget where i work at,” she joked. “go, hwa. i can’t leave him to die out here.”
after a long hesitation, seonghwa gave a warning glare to the injured hybrid before going back to yunho. the hybrid let out another scoff. “are they your hybrids?” he asked, looking at the wolf and golden retriever hybrid as they frantically tried calling yeonjun.
jiyu slowly sat down on the ground, keeping a safe distance. “yes.”
“what’s your intentions with them?” he glared. “use them for money? or perhaps your own pleasures? or—”
“no.”
his eyebrows slightly raised in surprise at the woman’s firm tone. looking at her, her face was full of disgust and slight shock at the question.
“i’d never do that. they’re my family.”
“that’s what they all say,” he humorlously chuckled. “that’s what they all say to get us to fall into their little trap before they show their true colors.”
“not everyone’s the same,” she defended. “i don’t know what happened to you, but i can assure you i want nothing more than to just help you.”
he observed her. as determined and truthful as she seemed, he didn’t want to take another chance. he’s already been through so much, mentally and physically. he was tired. “stop wasting your time,” he weakly mumbled, leaning his head against the tree again. “just leave me be.”
a pained look flashed across jiyu’s face. to see a hybrid so easily give up on his life pierced her heart. however, it only motivated her more to help. 
“jiyu! yeonjun’s sending a rescue team!” she heard yunho call out to her. 
she wryly smiled to the hurt hybrid  “as much as you want me to do that, i’m afraid i can’t. a rescue team’s already on their way.”
the hybrid’s eyes narrowed. “this could all be trap for all i know. you could be sending me back to where i came from,” he growled. he attempted to stand, but he fell right back down in pain. “just leave before you're gonna regret it.”
as threatening as he seemed, she knew he couldn’t do much due to his injuries. she stood up and dusted her pants. “look, you can believe whatever you want, but i swear on my life that i won’t harm you. i work at a hybrid recovery center, i just want to help. please?”
hearing her pleading tone, he looked up into her eyes. they were filled with nothing but earnest and desperation. why? why was she so insistent when they didn’t even know each other? what’s her motive?
he sighed. he’s survived up til then by relying on himself. he’s obeyed his owners for the sake of his own survival; never rebelled, never bit the hand that fed him. until enough was enough. he fought and ran away. humans were terrifying beings, they only cared for their own benefits and pleasures. so what was so different about her? he wouldn’t be lying if he said he didn't feel the slightest bit safe around her. 
suddenly, he heard the sound of sirens and footsteps, making his ears stand in alert and his teeth sharpen. looking in the distance, he saw a group of men and the familiar hybrid ambulance. so she really did call a rescue team...
“so will you let me help you?” she gently asked, squatting down by him. “you’ll be safe, i promise.”
watching a yellow-haired man interact with the wolf and golden retriever hybrid a distance away, he was surprised. it was a normal interaction for anyone, but to him, it was a whole new concept. he’s only been shouted at his whole life.
he closed his eyes, letting out a breath he didn't realize he was holding. “very well.” he’s been through hell and back, he could take more if that was the case.
jiyu smiled before giving yeonjun and the rescue team the okay to slowly approach and take the injured hybrid. “ah, that’s right. i never got your name. i’m jiyu.”
he pursed his lips. seeing her happiness, he slightly lowered his guard. “hongjoong.”
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arvandus · 3 years
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The Todoroki Family Arc: Dabi and Representation for Abuse Victims
Something I’d like to address regarding all of this Todoroki family discourse is the importance of representation for abuse victims, specifically when it comes to the topic of forgiveness.  Many of us who are victims of abuse aren’t willing to forgive our abusers, and there is nothing wrong with taking that stance.  The concept of forgiveness of abuse is an especially hard pill to swallow when that forgiveness is for the sake of the abuser and not the victim (i.e., in this case, forgiveness for the sake of Enji’s redemption arc).  So this makes the current Todoroki family/Endeavor redemption arc so incredibly difficult to read, as all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are either already willing to forgive (or on their way to forgiving) Enji's long-term, narcissistic abuse.
It’s true that in canon Enji has explicitly stated that he’s not asking for forgiveness and that his family members don’t have to forgive him.  Whether or not he truly understands what that means is up for debate (I’ve got a lot to say on Enji’s redemption arc, but that’ll be for another post).  But for the sake of this post, let’s state that he genuinely means it, which would be great as it shows an awareness on his part of how unforgivable his actions are.  This great and all, except the words lose their weight/significance when every single ‘normal’ family member is on track to forgive him.  It would hold much more weight to show he doesn’t get forgiven by everyone, which will require him to at least to some extent, live with the consequences of his actions (e.g., being alone/ostracized from some family members).
So, let’s go through the Todoroki family members who are in the process of forgiving, have already forgiven, or are on their way to forgiving Enji, and how I personally respond to their forgiveness. Of course, all of this will be heavily influenced by my personal opinions and personal experiences, however I think that’s fair – as a person who’s endured long-term childhood abuse from a parent, I’d hope that my opinions (and others like me) will have some weight in the conversation surrounding domestic violence, even within the context of fiction.
Rei:
Rei has shown signs of starting to forgive Endeavor as evidenced by defending him to her children.
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I do appreciate that she states that she’s still too scared to see her husband, and that the doctor states it’s not a good idea.  That all makes perfect sense.  But the idea that she’s willing to give him a chance to redeem himself because he sends her flowers?  I absolutely cannot identify with this in any which way.  Her marriage was forced by Endeavor, her sole purpose to bear him cold/hot quirk children.  She may have later grown to love him, who knows; we do know she was willing at least have Fuyumi with him, since she suggested it… (although there is a lot to unpack around that too, which I’ll also save for a different post). Even if she did love Enji (and a part of her may still love him, as some of us may feel towards our abusers) she went through YEARS of abuse to the point that she had a psychotic break and had to be institutionalized.  To suggest that she’s willing to begin the road of forgiveness because he sends her flowers is just completely unrealistic, and I personally can’t identify with her at all (also, as a sidenote: if my abuser and the cause of my psychosis, who I’m too afraid to see, is sending me gifts, the last thing I would want would be to see those gifts displayed in my room as a constant reminder of them).
 Fuyumi:
It’s clear that Fuyumi is well on her way to forgiving her father (if she hasn’t done so already).
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Fuyumi wants nothing more than to piece her family back together, which is entirely fine if that’s what she wants.  What bothers me however, is that she’s willing to do so by sweeping the family drama under the rug in an attempt at keeping the illusion of a healthy, loving family (i.e., one that’s not broken by abuse). Why can’t she have this happy family with her brothers and her mother?  Why does she feel the need to have Enji in that family picture, considering all he’s done to them?  Her whole “it would make your sister happy” is, in my opinion, guilt-tripping and selfish. I don’t think she’s a mean person, and she may not be aware that her behavior could be damaging.  But her motivations are clearly self-focused, as she’s not willing to address her family’s issues in a way that validates everyone’s feelings. She just wants everyone to ‘play nice.’
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It’s this dismissive behavior, a willingness to overlook the harm of the abuser for the sake of trying to keep a semblance of normalcy when things clearly aren’t normal, that has me label her as an abuse apologist. It’s not intended to be malicious of course; I do think she believes she means well.  But how does ignoring the abuse her family endured help anyone?  Will this ever get addressed by Horikoshi?  TBH, I doubt it, but we’ll just have to wait and see.  But one thing is for sure, she’s definitely the most forgiving out of all of her siblings.
 Natsuo:
I love this guy.  Truly.  So far, he’s probably the MOST relatable for me…
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Look at that.  Beautiful.  I love it. It’s everything I want.  He’s unforgiving, holding his long-time abusive father accountable (regardless of how good of a hero he is), while still being a good person (lookin’ at you, Dabi…) all in one breath.
SO… why am I including him in this? Natsuo so far seems to be holding out, but I wouldn’t be surprised if Horikoshi writes him in the direction of forgiveness, especially after this Dabi/Touya reveal. I feel like there’s already been hints at it, and it’s just a matter of time before he inevitably gets written as forgiving his father as well.
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Here, you see his mother’s words getting into his head; he’s thinking heavily about what she’s said to him.  He doesn’t like the idea of his father looking for redemption, and holds his own disbelief around his father “trying to make sense of it all.”  But clearly he values his mother’s opinion on the matter, which will have an impact on his own views/beliefs.  Plus, the added pressure of seeing his other family members forgive his father will also have an impact on his stance, either by making him dig his heels in further in resistance, or by accepting their stance on it and as such be one step closer to forgiving Enji himself.
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Here, he’s hearing Enji’s words and recalling Midoriya talking to Shouto earlier in the evening. He’s drawing a parallel between what it means to be a kind person and what it means to forgive. It’s followed up by his father’s confession of atonement, which clearly has an impact on Natsuo.  His experience here is visceral and entirely relatable; while Enji’s words may sound nice and genuine, it does little to assuage Natsuo of the painful memories he harbors and the damage that his father has caused over the years.
He’s still holding stubbornly onto his anger, unwilling to forgive… but the way it’s playing out, it’ll only be a matter of time. Maybe it’ll be yet another near-death experience for Endeavor, this time by Touya’s hand.  Or maybe he’ll feel that deep cut of betrayal from Touya/Dabi that makes him let go of his own anger/darkness in his heart out of a fear of letting it consume him the way it did his older brother.  Either way, I see it ending up there.  We don’t know for certain yet, of course… but my money is on Natsuo forgiving his father by the end, so I’m holding back on getting too attached.
 Shouto:
Shouto also seems to be becoming more open to forgiveness, despite all he’s gone through (and witnessed his mother go through). There’s a lot surrounding why this may be… perhaps it was watching the near-death experience of Enji in the battle with High-End… (which, hey, watching someone you care about nearly die, even if that person is your abuser, would be rough to watch).
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Or watching his father be a badass hero (because let’s face it, Enji is an excellent fighter) that the public looks to for hope. Keep in mind, this happened after Enji had told Shouto he wanted to be worthy of the #1 position and  of being Shouto’s father; so Enji has just shown to Shouto that he’s (at least by Hero Society’s standards) worthy of being #1, and now he’s trying to make amends with his family (mm, check out that need for validation…).
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 Clearly, Shouto is giving his father a chance to redeem himself.
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And, of course, we have this page as well, which draws the comparison of being a kind person also being a forgiving person (which, quite frankly, isn’t true - you can definitely be a kind person and still not forgive someone who’s done long-term harm to you).  Regardless, it’s clearly being shown that Shouto is obviously heading into forgiveness.  Once again, the forgiveness itself isn’t bad… it’s how it’s being portrayed.  As someone who’s been abused by someone who’s supposed to take care of them and love them, I can say with certainty that you don’t really care that much about how good that person is at their job. It shouldn’t matter that Enji is a great hero; he’s always been a great hero (that’s why he was second only to All Might). What matters is how Enji is as a father, and it’s well established that he’s failed his entire family, by choice, for years. Shouto states as such to him, saying he’ll watch to see what kind of father he becomes.  But this follows immediately after the battle with High-End, which implies that Shouto is basing his willingness to forgive his father off of Enji’s heroics and public acceptance as the symbol of hope.  Why this would sway Shouto’s view of his father enough to consider forgiveness for years of physical and psychological damage escapes me.
Now, let’s be clear that forgiveness of an abuser isn’t impossible, but it’s certainly not an easy task.  Additionally, the decision to forgive hinges on a lot of things, including whether or not the abuser is worthy of forgiveness (i.e., are the crimes he’s committed against his family redeemable?  Is he truly genuinely feeling guilty about what he’s done? Does he understand the magnitude of what he’s done?  Is he acting selflessly, or is his quest for redemption rooted in selfishness (e.g., need for acceptance, a way to hold onto one’s power/importance within the family dynamic, etc.)?).   In many cases, especially cases where the abuse is long-term as it’s portrayed as being for the Todoroki family, and as mine was growing up, forgiveness isn’t really on the victim’s mind.  The damage done by the abuser is so long lasting, leaving a permanent imprint on how we think, act, and behave.  It shapes us, especially when it occurs in the formative years of childhood, affecting how we connect with others and how we view ourselves.
So, sharing a few contrite moments with the abuser (in this case, Enji) and seeing some positive situations (e.g., watching him kick ass on TV, be kind to his kids, etc.) do little to persuade me into forgiveness of a man who willingly, repeatedly, chose to abuse his family for at least a decade.  His abuse was physical, mental, and emotional.  Even if his desire for redemption is genuine, the quickness with which the good characters here begin to forgive him feels slightly forced for the sake of his redemption arc, and is therefore unrelatable.  And that is the crux of the issue.  Enji’s redemption should be just as much about the healing of his victims as it should be about him (if not more so).  However, that doesn’t seem to be the case.  So, what we get is a family portrayal that is in favor of the abuser.
So, all of the ‘good’ Todorokis are working toward forgiveness of their abuser.  Great. So, where does that leave those of us who aren’t on board with forgiveness? Those of us who see our own abuse, our own history, within this story and are not (and will not) ever forgive our abuser for entirely reasonable and justifiable reasons? Where is our representation in a story that, for all intents and purposes, is meant to be about the ramifications of abuse (and by proxy, victims of abuse)?
Our only remaining choice?  Dabi, of course... the psychopath who’s bent on destroying his abuser’s life and the hero society that’s, in some ways, created and supported him.
I think a major reason Dabi is so loved by some of us is that we can identify with that anger, that need for retribution/justice.  Are all of us entirely on board with how Dabi has decided to go about this retribution by doing whatever it takes no matter who it hurts or what innocent lives are lost? No, of course not.  But in a story where we’re looking for a sense of justice, where the long-term serial abuser DOESN’T get to walk away free with his abused family still by his side/supporting him, what other options do we have?  He’s the ONLY ONE who seems to be willing to hold Enji accountable for what he’s done and who sees the hypocrisy in his position as a symbol of hope in contrast to who he has been behind closed doors with his family.  So THAT is what we’re defending when we defend Dabi.   We’re NOT defending his murders, or him attempting to kill his brother, or ANY of that.  We might understand where that darkness is coming from/what’s caused it and empathize with it, but we don’t EXCUSE it.
Now, obviously the story isn’t finished yet, so there’s no way to know for sure where Horikoshi will take this redemption arc. We don’t know if all of the family members really will forgive Endeavor or not, and if Enji will ever be fully welcomed into the family fold.  The airing of the Todoroki family’s dirty laundry and its impacts on shining a light on the cracks in hero society give me hope. Also, the diversity across the Todoroki family of how each person copes that that abuse is also well done. That’s why I’m still invested in this story, that’s why I’m still reading it. But we only have what we’ve been shown to go on, and at the moment, there are major aspects of this story that are lacking.  The diversity in how each family member handles their abuse and their relationship with their abuser starts to lose its impact when that diversity is gradually washed out in favor of universal forgiveness. 
Also, where the manga is currently at gives me concern about the kind of message this story is sending to its readers.  I often see others say: “it’s just fiction, relax.”  Yes, it is fiction.  And when we read fiction, we all search for a piece of ourselves within the story.  You can’t have a story that centers around domestic abuse and not have abuse victims gravitate towards it, hoping for accurate representation.  And most importantly, even though this is ‘just a story,’ what message is it sending when the only person not willing to excuse/forgive Enji is a psychopath who’s been driven insane by his father’s abuse (and possible by his family’s inability/unwillingness to address said abuse)?  What message does it send to abuse victims? What message does it send to those who have never experienced abuse and are learning about it through this fictional representation? To say that this isn’t relevant in a real-world way is inaccurate at best and damaging at worst; and even if it may not hold relevance for some within a real-world setting, for many of us it does and as such the implications and impacts of it should be respected, even if you may not agree with it.  In short, for some of us, this is personal.
Now, do I think that every family member should curse Enji into the sun?  No, as satisfying as that would be for me.  I’d be perfectly happy if some family members forgive and some don’t.  Why?  Because it’s realistic.  It makes sense, because it depends on each character’s unique, personal experiences. Some will forgive, some won’t, and some will continue to defend and provide excuses for said abuser – all of these positions within the abused family dynamic are real and exist.  I just wish BNHA would also allow a space for us abuse victims who aren’t willing to forgive – a space that isn’t villainized.
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stan-joonies · 4 years
Text
I'm Seeing Double!
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You were DONE with the Cullens, absolutely done!
You had come back from vacation to see Bella in a comatose state, wasting away. She wasn't eating or drinking or talking or laughing or anything! She was there but not at the same time.
It felt like the world was ending when she spoke to you and told you everything. They were vampires, they drank animal blood, they moved every few years. It was like an uncontrollable flood pouring out of her mouth. She had regretted it instantly, she had broken the Cullen's trust in her, but she couldn't hold it in and part of her knew she gave you the information to spite them.
[[MORE]]
You made sure to stay by her side, not leaving unless neccesary. Then Jacob came and you swore a little flame returned in her eyes, but as quickly as it appeared it was snuffed out by Alice Cullen.
You watched as all the progress you made got sucked up by a drain. Now Bella deluded herself into saving the piece of shit that left her in the first place.
They were embracing from their place near the window, you being shrouded in shadows in an attempt to hide yourself. Though your hatred for the Cullen's, especially Edward, boiled from every blood vessel in your body, you had enough manners to let them have this moment, especially after you saw Bella's absolute panic without him.
However, Edward broke the embrace first and it made you want to hit him, though it would cause you more harm.
Two men seemed to materialise out from the shadows, walking side-by-side, their arms brushing against eachother intimately.
"Looks like we wont be needing your services after all, gentlemen," Edward dismissed, looking up at the largest one.
Suddenly, you felt overwhelming sense to jump out of the shadows and make yourself known to the two Volturi members. You wanted them to know who you are and why you were here.
"Aro wants to speak with you again," the tallest one ordered and you felt your body jolt with electricity.
This Vampire's voice was deep and soothing like a base. It echoed through her entire body and made her relax against the cold wall.
Edward sighed, glancing at Bella.
"No rules were broken," he assured and you had to give credit for his respectful address.
"Alass, we should take this conversation to a more appropriate venue," the blonde ordered, both vampires taking a threatening step forward and Edward quickly shielded Bella.
Your heart clenched when he spoke, your cheeks flushing beautifully. His voice was...it just was. Everything about it made you want to reveal yourself and talk to him, fishing more words out his mouth.
You almost hit yourselves, these Vampires looked at Bella like a meal, ready to pounce on her. However, when Edward tried to dismiss her with a quick glance in your direction, they both smirked.
"The girl comes with us,"
Your body froze, yes. These vampires were evil, they wanted to kill Bella. They drank from humans. They...they...
You began making a mental list of all the things wrong with the Volturi, everything Bella told you they did and their history.
Suddenly, the door was broken and Alice slid in, a smile on her face.
"Oh, come on guys!" She laughed but their was a clear edge that everyone could sense.
You were about to step out of where you were hiding, content in the two vs two odds when Alice suddenly boomed.
"No! Don't!"
You halted your movements, almost certain she was speaking to you.
The volturi members glanced at eachother before scowling at the woman.
"Oops! My bad, i can't decifer visions from reality it seems," Alice apologised, attempting to laugh it off.
" do tell," Demetri ordered, raising an eyebrow.
"Bella was going to put the milk in first," she quickly dismissed, going to Bella's side, and coincidentally putting her body between you and the two vampires.
"Enough!" A shrill voice cut through the tension, a smaller woman quickly making her way between the two, almost making you want to rip her away.
"Jane," Edward greeted, looking down to his feet. Fear seemed to flow in the air in thick waves.
"Aro sent me to see what was taking so long," Jane scowled, looking at her two accomplices. Without another word she turned, confident enough in herself to know they would follow.
The vegetarians looked between eachother, glancing at me.
"Follow behind," Alice mouthed, quickly following after Jane.
You did as ordered, sticking to the shadows and making sure you were a good distance away.
Then you reached the destination, narrowly avoiding getting locked out of the room.
You stuck to the walls, trying to regulate your breathing.
You knew these vampires from your sister's stories and chills ran up your spine. They all looked so intimidating and important that you wanted to bow your head to them. However, one creeped you out the most.
He had red eyes and long, ink black hair. If it wasn't for the light twitch on his mouth he would've looked like a dead corpse. However, what creeped her out the most was that he kept glancing in your direction, as if he knew you were there.
"Felix," you jolted out of your thoughts, eyes wide when you saw the large brute from earlier stalk towards Bella's smaller frame. His fists clenched, ready to tear her apart.
"No!" You were pushed into action, sprinting out of the shadows and curling around Bella.
"Y/N!" Alice exclaimed, running towards them, her attempts blocked by the blonde from earlier.
You blocked out all sound and tried to detach yourself from reality, a stupid attempt to make any pain coming your way less. You pulled yourselves and Bella to the floor and waited for large hands to rip your limbs apart.
A delicate tap on your shoulder alerted you that you were still alive, reluctantly, you rose your head shocked to see Alice free from the blonde's hands and smiling lightly down at you, though regret polluted her irises.
It was then that you realised Felix was on the other side of the room, crouched down with strong marble cracking underneath him and his skin slowly piecing back together. The blonde was at his side.
"How marvellous!" Aro exclaimed, clapping his hands. "Who might this be?" His red eyes burned you to your core and you quickly looked away.
"Y/N Swan," you muttered.
"What an interesting specimen. A forcefield strong enough to blast back a vampire,"
"Who are you?" You asked, looking towards a tiny girl.
"I'm Alice Cullen, nice to meet you, Y/N," she smiled lightly. When she went for a hug, you watched her tense. "What?"
"What's wrong?"
"I--i can't...smell you." She went quiet for a minute. "I can't hear your heartbeat." She placed her hand where your heart would be, humming when she felt the clear thumb or your heart. "How odd,"
You didn't think this ability would be physical too!
Marcus spoke up then, making you jump in surprise.
"The interesting specimen will become very familiar with these walls soon, Aro." Marcus glanced at her. "It seems Demetri and Felix have their own personal human,"
Your eyes widened and Alice snarled slightly.
You looked towards the vampires, both now standing and looking towards you. When you met eyes with the both of them, something inside you snapped violently and you jolted in response.
They were near you in seconds, a couple metres away, the apprehension almost laughable since you were dwarfed by their stature and place on the floor .
"Edward, what are they doing? Edward?"
Said vampire cradled the panicked human in his arms, shushing her gently.
"G-get away from her! L-leave her alone!" She writhed in a vain attempt to escape his embrace.
The two Vampire's ignored her, slowly moving closer and closer.
"Put the shield up!" Bella screeched. "Hurry!"
But her screams were like static and you could only focus on the red eyes inching closer to your face.
Finally, two different hands landed on both your cheeks, caressing them gently.
"Mi Cara," they both whispered gently and all tension ran down your back and soaked into the floor, leaving you to go limp, your eyes rolling to the back of her head.
Felix caught you, raising to his full height and cocooned you in his arms.
"What did you do! Let her go you monsters!"
Demetri snarled at them, red eyes burning Isabella into submission.
"It seems she has been overwhelmed, return to your rooms, Gentlemen, your services are no longer needed as of now." Aro dismissed.
"Give her back! Leave her alone! Don't--"
The doors shut.
-
You woke up later into the night, your brain pounding against your skull. The soft covers were cold and comforting against your hot skin.
"You're awake," you startled, looking to the corners to see two pairs of beady eyes looking down at you.
"Where am i?"
"In your new room," Demetri smiled slightly, sitting on the bed.
"No...That's not right. Where is Bella staying? Is she ok? She isn't hurt right?"
"The human has returned safely back to forks, mi cara," Felix assured, running a cold hand through your hair.
"Why am i here then?"
"My love," Felix smirked. "You're here because it's where you belong. With us,"
"With you?"
"Always, Mi Cara,"
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“Are you planning to stay glued to my side this whole evening?” with diego alsooooo i love youuuuu
A/N: Thank you for choosing Fic Flash Pass (happy much-belated birthday). I would like to express through the following series of emojis how excited I am to finally write a fic for you: 😁💙💙🎉🎈😁 Word Count: 2517
Being close friends with Diego Hargreeves meant putting up with a lot of weird shit over the years. It meant late nights where he showed up injured or exhausted and needing your help. It meant occasional knives flying past your head when you startled him. It meant his paranoia and lectures about how it wasn’t safe to walk home alone at night, even though he had taken the time to teach you self-defense early on in your friendship. For a while it meant repeated “just for one night” instances of his strung-out brother sleeping on your couch (because he was refusing treatment, and even though he wouldn’t admit it Diego cared enough about him to want to make sure he’d be okay). And you put up with all of it, without complaint, because Diego was worth it. 
You thought at this point that nothing he asked of you could surprise you anymore. And then he asked you to attend his sister’s wedding. Or really, practically begged you to be his date.
You were pulling a bullet out of his shoulder, lecturing him about how he was taking too many unnecessary risks, and if he was going to keep going after bad guys then he needed to start wearing better protective gear and he was damn lucky that his knife-harness was there to mitigate the wound. 
“Allison’s getting married,” he blurted out, cutting you off before you could start in on the second, familiar branch of your lecture (that he should really be getting his wounds treated by someone with actual medical expertise, not just a little first aid training). 
“Oh,” you said, not quite a question but also not quite not. You weren’t sure what he wanted you to do with that information.
“I have to go to the wedding,” he continued stiffly. 
“That makes sense. She is your sister.” You raised an eyebrow. “You aren’t asking me to muck up this bullet removal so you have an excuse not to, are you?”
You were loath to admit that if that was indeed what he was asking, you might just do it. There wasn’t a lot you wouldn’t do if he asked, and after all this time you knew how to do it in a way that wouldn’t actually cause him worse harm. 
“I can’t go alone!” His eyes were wide and frightened, as if attending Allison’s wedding was a fate less than death that he had been asked to undertake. You couldn’t help but laugh at the expression. 
“I’m sure you can find a date, handsome guy like you. And Patch is still a friend, so she’d go. If only out of pity.” You smiled teasingly. 
“Will you…” he mumbled. “W-w-will you go with me?”
Your breath caught in your throat. Part of you questioned if you heard him correctly. But if anything, his stutter made it more sure than less. He only stuttered when something was really emotional for him, when his mind was fighting itself. But you didn’t understand why (or maybe you did and just didn’t want to admit it). 
“If you still want me to after the next five minutes,” you said, trying to calm your racing heart by collecting the supplies for the next part of his care. “Then I would be happy to go to your sister’s wedding with you, Diego. What else are friends for?”
“Why wouldn’t I--” his question was cut off with a shout of pain as you pressed a cloth soaked in antiseptic to the wound.
“Because of that,” you smirked, quickly cleaning the area and covering it over with gauze and binding.
~
The ballroom where the reception was held was beyond opulent: towering flower arrangements, crystal chandeliers and gleaming golden candelabras, and every spare inch draped in ivory silk. You could practically see yourself reflected in the polished surface of the floors. 
“Wow,” you breathed. “Your sister really spared no expense…”
Diego shrugged uncomfortably. “Allison’s always been a little dramatic,” he mumbled.
“It’s pretty,” you turned to smile at him. “Anyway, you should go mingle and at least say hello to her. I’m going to find our table.”
Diego followed you as you wandered off into the dining portion of the reception hall. When you raised a questioning eyebrow, he mumbled something about it making sense for him to know where the table was too, so he didn’t have to hunt later. You shrugged. 
After setting down your purse and shawl, you decided to mingle, maybe pick at a few of the hors d'oeuvres laid out on long, extravagant table displays. Once again, Diego trailed just behind you. You tried to ignore the oddity of the behavior as you picked up a shrimp puff and set it on one of the heavy little china plates. The fact that he wasn’t saying anything as he hovered annoyed you most of all. 
After the third conversation that you tried to have with other guests that ended in an awkward glance over your shoulder at a glowering Diego and a hasty retreat with a half-assed excuse, you decided you’d had enough. He hadn’t gone to offer his congratulations to Allison and Patrick. He hadn’t so much as looked around for his other siblings or anyone else he might know. He hadn’t eaten anything. He just...followed you. It was very odd behavior and it was getting on your last nerve.
Setting your empty dish down heavily on an empty table space, not even caring whose it was, you turned to him, arms folded over your chest.
“Alright, that’s it,” you snapped, not caring who might overhear. “What is going on with you?”
He frowned, puzzled and tried to deny that there was anything going on. 
“Oh, don’t give me that bullshit. You have been looming and lurking and following me around like a lost puppy since we got here. Are you planning to stay glued to my side this whole evening?”
His frown deepened, and he opened his mouth to speak, only to snap it shut again with an audible click. 
“Because if you are, the least you can do is dance with me.” You held out a hand. “It is a wedding after all.”
Hesitantly, he took your hand and let you lead him out onto the dance floor. He pulled you close to him, one hand in yours and the other wrapped around his waist. You placed your free one on his shoulder, his suit jacket soft and warm beneath your palm. You felt your face heat under his gaze, now focused down on you and you tried not to let it faze you, focusing on a slight crease in his lapel as if that would let you escape it. 
The two of you twirled across the floor, falling into easy step together, each surprised at the other’s dancing abilities. 
You licked your lips nervously. Something about being here like this with him was making you think about things you had pushed aside (namely the crush on him that you had developed and decided early on in your friendship wasn’t worth the risk of losing him in your life, fearing that you could never compare to his detective) and you wanted it to stop. But at the same time, for a moment everything was perfect, and you didn’t want to ruin it. 
“So…” you said eventually as the two of you slowed and the song changed. “Want to tell me what’s going on?”
His hand shifted slightly, tugging you a little closer to him, your face practically pressed to his chest, as the next song began. As you danced and he avoided answering your question, you decided to find the answer on your own. You knew him well enough. 
There was a slight tremor in his hand which gripped yours a little tighter than necessary. His jaw is set tightly, twitching just enough for you to suspect he’s grinding his teeth together. His breath is a little short. If you didn’t know any better, you’d say he was...afraid?
“Seriously, Diego, are you alright?” you murmured, trying to catch his eye. 
He startled at the sound of your voice. “What?”
“You’re acting really strangely and you seem...upset. You haven’t spoken to your sister at all even though it’s her wedding.”
“I’m not upset. And I’ll talk to Allison later, she’s busy with all her other guests,” he argued, eyebrows knitting in a frown. 
“You’re not upset? Okay, then explain to me why you’re holding my hand so tightly you’ll be getting a bill from my physical therapist on Monday.”
He dropped your hand like it had burned him and stuttered out an apology. 
“Relax, it was a joke.” You frowned. “Let’s go out to the balcony. I feel like we both could use some air.” 
Without waiting for an answer you grabbed his arm and dragged him in the direction of the double doors and the candle-lit, if slightly chilly, night. As soon as you passed out of the crowded room, you could feel the tension pour off of Diego and you breathed a sigh of relief. The pair of you moved to lean on the rail, shoulders just barely brushing. 
“I...don’t belong here,” he sighed. “I’m just going to screw something up.”
“What are you talking about Diego?”
He shook his head. “Allison has this grand life. Big movie star L.A. life, and if I talk to her I’ll...what would we even talk about? We haven’t seen each other in years. I haven’t seen any of them in years.”
“That’s not true, you saw Klaus six months ago,” you joked, not sure how else to comfort him. 
You knew what he was trying to say. He felt like Allison had moved on, and built a new life where her siblings were unwelcome, the invitation to her wedding a mere formality that for some reason all of them, save, thankfully, their father, had accepted. And on some level, you thought, he was probably right. 
“Is that why you were nervous to ask me to be your date? Not that I’m a date-date, but I can imagine why having a real date would make things weirder and that’s really not the point, anyway...Because you don’t think you should have come at all?” you asked.
He shrugged. 
“No,” you said, turning to face him and taking one of his hands in both of yours. “Please talk to me Diego. Maybe I can help?”
“How could you possibly help, Y/N?” he snapped, running his free hand through his short-cropped hair. 
“I don’t know! You’ve got me playing damn guessing games when I came to this wedding where all I know is you and the junkie in the corner talking to the air,” you gestured back through the doors at Klaus who was doing exactly that, “for you. Because I care about you, and I thought maybe you needed, maybe you wanted me here. So you tell me Diego. Or maybe I should just leave.”
“No!” his eyes widened at the threat. “Please don’t leave.”
You pressed your lips together, feeling tears well up in your eyes and praying that no one thought to glance outside to where the two of you were arguing. If there was a way to ruin a wedding it was the bride’s brother and his date having a screaming match. You had said your piece, so now you watched him expectantly, waiting for him. 
He sighed deeply and turned away from you, eyes seeming to focus on a point off in the gardens below somewhere. 
“I knew this whole thing was going to be uncomfortable,” he explained very slowly, and you instinctively reached over again to cover one of his hands with yours where it gripped the bannister tightly. 
“But I thought it would be worse not to come at all.”
You nodded in understanding, leaning closer to hear him better over the wind and the din from inside. 
“And everything’s easier when...with you So I thought...”
Your heart skipped a beat. In all the years of your friendship, he had never said anything like that before. You knew that you counted him among your best friends, and that he didn’t have very many friends in general, making you one of a rare and exclusive caliber, but to hear him come this close to admitting it was strange and new and oddly thrilling.
“But,” he glanced back at you before returning to his vigil, “you looked so beautiful tonight that,” he shook his head, “instead it reminded me of how incredible you are, and how it’s just one more thing for me to ruin.”
“Diego,” you frowned. “I don’t understand. What’s one more thing for you to ruin? My outfit? I would be pretty pissed if I was dressed like this and you pulled your usual superhero nonsense and bled all over me or something but I don’t think that’s going to be a problem here.”
“Don’t joke, Y/N. Not when I’m trying to be serious.”
“I’m not joking Diego. Okay maybe I am a bit, but only because I’m not following you. What don’t you want to ruin?”
“You!” he cried, throwing himself back around to face you. “I don’t want to ruin you!”
You resisted the urge to call attention to the innuendo there, especially since doing so would probably include admitting that you would not mind it a wink. Instead you bit your lip, thinking fast and trying to piece together what he was saying to you, about you.
“How could you possibly ruin me Diego?” you blurted out. “That doesn’t even make sense.”
“I’ve already started you know,” he mused softly. “You don’t even flinch anymore when I show up injured and need you to stitch a wound or dig out shrapnel or glass. You have such a good heart and care so much, I don’t want you to end up...like me.” 
“There is nothing in the world that could get me to dress in leather and fight bad guys and get punched a lot. And the rest of you, I don’t see how it would be a bad thing to be like.”
He scoffed. 
“I’m serious Diego. After all, you have the biggest, sweetest heart and soul in the city. Or you wouldn’t be out there every night saving people. It’s what I love most about you.”
Your hand came up to cup his jaw instinctively, marveling at the feel of his stubble against your palm and how perfectly fit it seemed to be to rest there. He looked beautiful in the dim lights, like an artist’s painting of a hero or a god. You breath caught in your throat as he leaned into your touch, his eyes fluttering shut. 
“Y/N, I…” he reached blindly out for you, catching your other wrist in his hand, sliding down hesitantly to lace his fingers through yours. 
“Diego, unless I’ve read the room completely wrong, there’s nothing more that needs to be said,” you chuckled. “So just shut up and kiss me, already?”
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veliseraptor · 3 years
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hi so i was Thinking about the yi city crew (as you do) and i was wondering: under slightly different circumstances in which xxc realizes xy's identity right when he finds him in the ditch (and there are many ways that could happen honestly), would things still go well for them?
because on the one hand, 1) xxc would never leave a severely wounded person to die and 2) xxc is cannonically fine with crime as long as you're cute (a-qing and the vegetable stall moment with xy), which can result in a slow-burn, enemies-to-lovers situation (good luck for everyone involved when song lan arrives and realizes his best friend and ex boyfriend slept with the guy who killed his temple)
but on the other hand, when xxc finds xy in the ditch he's just had a very, VERY nasty breakup with his boyfriend because of the hooligan currently lying in the ditch so????
AND it all relies on whether or not xy knows that xxc knows who he is, me thinks, so???????
what? are your thots? on this?
my initial thought is “this sounds like a fantastic au and I know I’m not the only one who thinks so because I have seen a couple variants of this on ao3, some of which I’ve read and others of which I haven’t.”
because yeah, this is one of those ones where Xiao Xingchen like. runs headlong into a moral dilemma. because you’re right! he can’t leave him to die, that is just...not something he can do. actively cannot make that one work with his sense of what is right and just. so his first instinct would be, I think, to keep him alive, nurse him back to health (while keeping him carefully under guard and probably restrained) and then remand him to an authority for punishment.
but also...at this point especially Xiao Xingchen’s ability to have faith in people in authority is pretty dented if not actively gone (after what he saw happen with the Jin, and in CQL verse you could even count the failure of the Nie to keep track of him), and there’s also something that doesn’t sit quite right with him, I think, about healing someone only to turn them in for probable execution, that feels - weird, and kind of bad, and hypocritical, almost? because of course that’s how things work, that’s the machinery of justice, but also...he’s seen that the “justice” of cultivation society can be a farce, and would I think be concerned about giving Xue Yang over to anyone not a cultivator, out of concern that he’d wiggle out of it. 
so maybe he should just take him directly there? but that also feels weird, and kind of bad, because if he’s going to do that is that any better than just letting him die to begin with? who does it really serve to turn his death over to someone else in an active sense when the end is the same, and he will have done nothing either to harm or to help. sometimes inaction is better than action. 
but leaving someone to die.
anyway I think ultimately because he’s having a Hard Time making a decision he’s like “okay well I can’t...do the leaving him to die thing so I guess I deal with that first and then figure it out???” and I do not think he would keep it from Xue Yang when Xue Yang comes around that he knows what’s up. at this point I don’t think he would want to, because he’s trying to make an informed decision and he feels like part of that informed decision is making sure everyone present knows what’s going on. and also he’s kind of hoping I think that Xue Yang will say or do something that will make things clearer for him.
which...Xue Yang doesn’t. obviously. Xue Yang is not here to make things easier for anyone! and he is especially not going to make it easier for Xiao Xingchen when he is in a position of vulnerability in front of an enemy, no thank you. if this is the end of the road he’s going to make it as unpleasant as possible. and even if he is probably severely limited in what he can actually do physically (between being hurt, having been thoroughly disarmed, and probably restrained as well), he can still talk! and boy can Xue Yang talk.
and I think there are two possibilities here.
(a) he goes for provocation. if he’s going down - and it’s pretty clear he’s going down, to Xue Yang’s eyes! - then Xiao Xingchen is goddamn well going to do it himself. no magistrates, no great sects, if you want him dead, Daozhang, then make it you who does it. which means digging into Xiao Xingchen’s wounds as hard as possible in order to piss him off, which he can be pretty good at since he left most of them! and there’s so many easy possibilities. he can go after Xiao Xingchen’s failure to help Song Lan, the fact that Song Lan got fucked up because of him. he can go after how Xiao Xingchen can never go home because he was stupid and naive and shouldn’t have come down to begin with. he can go after how Xiao Xingchen didn’t stop him before so really, isn’t it his fault that he got a chance to kill more people, and trust me, Xiao-daozhang, I’ve killed a lot of people-
whether this works or not is an open question. I think it could go either way, honestly - Xiao Xingchen is pretty stubborn and it’ll be pretty obvious, probably, what Xue Yang is trying to do, and he doesn’t want to be directly responsible for killing another human being (hypocrite, coward, Xue Yang says, you’ll just be indirectly responsible, is that better?). he’s had some time to think and that means he’s less likely to make impulsive or emotional decisions. 
on the other hand, Xue Yang is really good at provoking people and knows exactly where to hit to get a reaction.
the other possibility, though, is
(b) Xue Yang’s sense of self-preservation wins out. Xiao Xingchen hasn’t killed him yet. Xiao Xingchen is soft-hearted and weak and moral and doesn’t want to kill someone. 
and he can work with that. he can push the angle that he’s just going to be responsible for Xue Yang’s death anyway if he turns him over to someone else, and how is that better, how is that any different? why bother patching him up in the first place if that’s how it’s going to go? 
he can push the angle of having seen the error of his ways because look, his bad actions came to a bad end, isn’t that sad, betrayed by his own masters, etc. etc. this is not Xue Yang’s strong point - performing remorse is not something he does - but he could make an effort. connected to this, he can push Xiao Xingchen on how it’s not going to fix anything, sure, he’ll be dead but what changes, everything is still fucked, so really what’s the point. alive he can - uh, what’s the word - atone for his wickedness and, you know. help people. that shit.
he can go for time. play weak, keep stringing Xiao Xingchen along looking for an opportunity, putting off the reckoning until he figures a way out, and he’s pretty good at finding those.
lots of possible ways to go with that. all of them absolutely cynical and selfish and designed to play on Xiao Xingchen’s vulnerabilities - and later on, as he recognizes it, his loneliness and need for companionship. 
and that’s where the slow-burn enemies to lovers comes in. which would be a lot messier and harder and probably more fucked up than in canon, because at least to start with it would almost certainly be Xue Yang taking advantage of Xiao Xingchen’s loneliness and playing him accordingly, but - as evidenced in canon! - it is perilously easy for Xue Yang to slip into whoops feelings. 
Xiao Xingchen in this would be the harder one. because there is so much baggage there, and hurt, and his guard is up in a way it isn’t in canon, and he’s very much more cognizant of the danger he’s in, the danger a-Qing is in, the risk he’s taking.
but Xiao Xingchen is also lonely, and does want to believe the best of people as a general rule, and it’s very hard to be constantly vigilant, particularly when the threat comes from a sweeter direction than anticipated.
because Xiao Xingchen is expecting Xue Yang to try to escape, or try to hurt him or a-Qing, or try to hurt someone else. he’s not expecting him to try to get closer.
anyway I’ve now effectively talked myself into another longform Yi City AU and. jotting this one down I guess. fuck.
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