#not that other ppl dont have the same line of thought its just . never the complete satisfaction of what u were feeling

[queenie-blackthorn]

in honor of world mental health day heres my story below the cut :)

kinda hard to talk abt this cause its somewhat triggering and ik theres gonna be ppl who think im just an emo 15 y/o, but i swear im not tryna be dramatic. im tryna make peace with my past, and also show others that despite everything, you can make it.

also, im tryna show that healing isnt all sunshine and daises. theres the good, the bad, and the ugly. you can and will survive it all

tw: sewerslide attempt, abusive parents, self harm, violence ig ?

ive died two times in my life so far.

the first time, it was my parents who killed me. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am. i remember dragging across the hallway in my house, a throbbing sensation in my thigh, the mark already turning purple. i walked past my younger sisters' room, where my cousin was sleeping over with them, and i remember climbing into bed, hugging my pillow, crying against the pillow. that night, it was my innocence that died. my childhood happiness, per se. i remember swearing to myself in those final moments before darkness that id never forget that day. december 31st, 2020, ~1.15am.

the time between my two deaths was filled with barely anything other than self loathing. i remember trying to set goals for myself, reasons to live. i tried out new hobbies. i was never able to meet those goals, and all the hobbies bored me.

i met some of the best people ever during that time. i also met some of the worst. i might sound dramatic, cause im young and impressionable, but the people i met during that time genuinely shaped who i am. i dont wanna act like im an old soul or anything, cause im sure that in a few years imma look back and think, "shit, i was really immature." but i matured faster than others my age. i found myself faster, found things i liked, found love, found out i hated being in love.

and then i died again.

this was a recent death. june 22, 2023. my mental health had been deteriorating for months prior – i still have scars on my arms.

it was a slower death compared to the last one. i started dying at around 4.00pm. it went on for an hour before the pain became unbearable and i confessed to my parents. i didnt want to go to the hospital, i was scared of what theyd do. i threw up seven times before giving in at about 8.00pm. they took me to the hospital. i was told told me i was lucky to be alive, that my liver was still functional. i didnt feel lucky. i felt like death wouldve been less painful. my head was spinning

i died in that hospital bed, at ~9.40pm, with my eyes wide open, my mom sitting near me. my thoughts at the time were along the lines of this:

im quite literally a child in the eyes of the world. ive done nothing. i have a psychology exam tomorrow. i have a book im halfway done writing, and a new story thats been brewing in my head for months. but if i die now, ill never get to finish any of that. ill never succeed. ill never be able to spit in the faces of the girls who bullied me, of the teachers who doubted me. why would i do this to myself? why would i rob myself of that chance?

so i died. but not the same way as last time. this time, it was the poisonous me that died, the me that whispered in my ear that my life would amount to nothing, that everyone else had it better, that you either succeed or you dont.

and when i died the second time, something happened that didnt happen the first time.

i was reborn.

at the time of me writing this, its been less than four months since my rebirth. in those four months:

i decided to change the world somehow. not necessarily by finding the cure to cancer or anything, id be satisfied if it was just a cute lil video i made going viral. as long as theres someone out there who i changed

i finished about six chapters of my book

i began writing the story that had been brewing in my head

i started lifting weights to make myself feel better abt how i looked

i got closer to god. stopped missing prayer

i moved schools, leaving behind both bullies and friends

i started focusing on my studies

i tried to fix my relationships with my parents and my siblings

dont get me wrong. none of these are completed. im still an extreme case of nobody-ness. i havent finished writing either of my stories. i still skip out on working out a lot i still only do the bare minimum in terms of religion. im still struggling to catch up in school to make up for my three years of burnout. my relationship with my family is still kinda weird

and i still feel like im dying sometimes. its not like i changed overnight and all those suicidal thoughts and feelings of drowning just disappeared when the sunrays came up. theres still a lot of issues in my life.

but i have faith in myself. in my ability to change the things that can be changed. in creating happiness where theres room for it to be made.

and if finding happiness a losing battle?

well, ill fight like its the fucking boudican revolt.

#mental health day #world mental health day #october 10 #tw sewerslide attempt #tw mentions of death #tw mentions of self harm #tw self destructive behavior #road to recovery

[aquaquadrant]

OK OK OK I AM. DEFINITELY OVERTHINGKING THIS BUT ITS 2 AM AND THAT MEANS ALL MY IMPULSE CONTROL IS GONE AND I GET TO RANT ABT HOW AMAZING OF AN AUTHOR YOU ARE—

So, patho. In the dictionary, pathos is a form of persuasion in which the author uses emotoions to convince the reader of something. AND THEN PATHO HAS DIFFICULTIES WITH BEING VULNERABLE AND FEELING EMPATHY, AND HAS THIS ALOOF APATHY ITS ITS AAAAAA!!!

AND THEN, AND THEN!!! ETHOS IS WHEN YOU USE YOUR STATUS AND REPUTATION TO MAKE SOMEONE TRUST YOU

AND PATHO NEEDING TO HAVE HIS REPUTATION, GETTING ANGRY WHEN PEOPLE DONT KNOW WHO HE IS!!!! HES MIRRORING HIS DOPPLEGANGER IN THE BEST WAY POSSIBLE AND AHARHGHHH!!H!!!! ITS SO INSANELEY SMART AND I DONT KNOW HOW YOU DO IT!!!!! YOU ARE SUCH AN OUTSTANDING AUTHORR!!!!!!!

ALSO, ALSO, THE SYMBOLSIM AND THE REFERENCE TO TANGO IN THIS LINE- "With what Patho's learned, they don't need Bravo's cooperation to create a functioning portal. They just need him, his physical data. And he knows they'd be willing to hold him here against his will to get what they want, to keep him trapped like some kind of experiment, like an animal."

TO HAVE BRAVO MIRROR TANGO, AS SOMEONE THAT HAS WHAT HELS TEK WANTS, TO HAVE BRAVO BE SCARED OF BEING LIKE TANGO BOTH SUBCONCIOUSLY AND CONCIOUSLY  AAAAA ITS GENIUS!!!!

I HAVE LOST THE ORIGINAL POINT OF THIS ASK BUT WHAT IM TRYING TO SAY IS I LOVE SYMBOLISM N STUFF LIKE THAT AND I WNAT TO TELL YOU HOW AMAZING YOU ARE AT THAT!!!! AJSKDHADJALHSDS

WELL THANK YOU B’)

listen i will never be annoyed by ‘rants’ abt my fic. even if they’re rambling. bc i myself am a ranter and rambler when it comes to the silly little worlds i create in my silly little stories and it makes me v happy when other ppl have such strong feelings abt my writing.

etho and patho are so dear to me. yes!! the symbolism!!! that’s partly why i chose patho instead of logo (but also bc logo just doesn’t sound as good or similar to etho LOL)

mmmm yeah that parallel w bravo was very deliberate. i wanted to show that he understands, and fears, exactly what it’d mean to be at the complete mercy of hels tek. cuz then homeboy turns right around and says he’s fine doing the same to tango bc he’s ‘just a hybrid.’ the delusion runs deep, fellas.

that’s partly atlas’s fault. as he said in part 5, he’s a fan of the psychological long-game. he could have tried harder to keep bravo completely in the dark the whole time, to make him think hels tek was soooo innocent. but he thought it more prudent to twist bravo to their point of view, so slowly and carefully that bravo didn’t even realize he was playing right into atlas’s hands.

#hels to pay au #HTP ask #pathbubs

[pup-pee]

*presents u my dick grayson hcs like ur @ my garage sale* (dick hcs #1?)

♡ this

♡ hes a passenger princess(no this is cannon whoopsie)

♡ dick is like the first girl 2 b killed in a slaughter movie, but just as a 27-ish yr old adult man

♡ draws on a beauty mark in a different spot everytime & gaslights any1 who asks about it -"hey wasnt ur beauty mark under ur other eye?" -"idk i cant see my own face"

♡ hes always losing his hairties bc he keeps shooting them @ ppl -& rubberbands 4 that matter

♡ we dont talk about the skin grip example -it involves a lot of falling & a lot of crashing -if ykyk

♡ dick usually has a twix in his pocket, but in order 2 get it u have 2 guess if its a left or right twix -he also respectfully keeps the left twin in his left pocket & the right twix in the right pocket

♡ he never believed in santa claus but is terrified that watermelon will grow inside him if he swallows the seeds

♡ not rlly a hc but hes vry mcdonals girl toy coded

♡ says "fuck it we ball" b4 jumping in2 a drug ring

♡ the hardest hes laughed in a while was @ a bucket falling over

♡ "masculine but in a peacock way" quotes,,,,,

♡ makes hot chocolate in a pot -refuses 2 make it in a mug it HAS 2 b done on the stove or its not the same

♡ knows how to do his make-up but doesnt know the name of the product he uses -foundation? no thats just my face paint

♡ if u ask him 2 draw, hell say "i cant even draw a straight line!"

♡ dick; *pulls out sticker sheet* *puts mlp sticker some1s face*

♡ swallowed grapes/blue berries whole as a kid bc he didnt know better -didnt chew them*

♡ dicks fav turtle is leo

♡ fixates on tinkering w/his bits & bots

♡ wears crocs -"y do u wear crocs?" -dick; kicks in their direction so the croc hits theyre face

♡ eyeballs measurements(like cooking) -until it comes 2 clothes, then its ultra mega super duper whopper popper deluxe edition focus

♡ h8s grippy socks -the textures weird + attracts halys hair(as if all socks wouldnt but-) -prolly h8s socks in gen

♡ had 2 have snorted pixie stick as a kid -i am such a believer that every kid has done this so he will 2 -as a dare @ LEAST

♡ when hes angry he plops 1 of those sweet cough drops in his mouth 2 chew on just so that he doesnt go off -any hard candy works 2 -he needs 1 of those chewie chewables

♡ biting/chewing hcs bc it needs a separate category @ this point -keeps chewing on earbuds -h8s biting his nails actually -no pen or pencil or eraser is safe -loves biting but h8s when his food is 2 chewy/has 2 bite harder than usual -has more than 1nce caught himself about 2 chew on electrical wire -bites ppl he loves 2 show appreciation/love nom -(i will defend this goddamn hc till the day i die)

♡ pizza bagels -if ur confused, come see me after class

♡ titans have basically banned horror movies from movie nights bc dick would complain about the gore/physics/traps/mo/literally anything 'inaccurate' -"dick its just a movie" "U DONT UNDERSTAND."

♡ has the most social media followers out of batfam but only posts 1nce a month(sometimes not) -its just a picture of his half eaten cereal captioned "beautiful day today"

♡ titians walked in on him doing a backbend & thought some1 murdered him(not 4 vry long though cause oviously he was alive i just like the thought of some1 like roy when he 1st joined the team walking in & doing the most dramatic gasp ever)

♡ listen, i like contortionist dick -its fun & silly

♡ takes 'cringe' as a compliment

♡ "ur mature 4 ur age!" dick; "let me fix that real quick"

♡ hair grows vry quickly

♡ h8s functioning labels(i mean we all should but yk)

♡ skilled in bingo

♡ over buys treats 4 haly -& toys

♡ insane internal clock -kinda ties in; tells ppl specific times -"meet me @ 2;37 pm" as an example

♡ comic sans enjoyer(literally stole from ttg but shhhhhh)

♡ more invested in presidential gay love affairs than WW1 or 2

♡ hes about yay high

♡ hyperfixates on languages istg

i literally could go on 4ever bc my brain is that highway in germany but i wont i regret nothing

pt 2 <- if i make 1 lol

#the amount of times i wanted 2 write “y? bc i say so” after a hc was crazy #my worst fear is that i make hcs off of a hc'd dick from another hc'd that was based off ao3 from some1 whos never read the comics #dyinf on the biting hc hill #dick grayson #dc #puppee hcs

[dearweirdme]

Why is it so frustrating to see comments on TK videos so confidently saying, "they're just friends/brothers" or "stop shipping them, they dont like it" or even bringing up Tae's "stay out of your imagination" comment?! Also, when people comment "I love their friendship" to purposely get someone to fight with them. Like 1. How do people know for sure they are just friends? 2. They aren't brothers. 3. When did they ever say they didn't like shipping? 4. Everyone takes Tae's comment out of context, which is so annoying. 5. Commenting "I love their friendship" is so fake when we know they just want a chance to yell about how they aren't a couple.

I guess I'm just annoyed lately with people making me feel crazy for believing in taekook. But deep down I'm thinking, "why is it crazy to think 2 people who have known each other for years and are super close, are a couple?!" Because it'd be a gay relationship? The homophobia in the fandom is so upsetting and honestly worse than I ever realized. The same people saying that shipping is wrong when its takeook are the same ppl who shipped Tae and Jennie. And Taekook have infinity more moments together and proof than taennie ever did.

The most annoying part to me is how SURE they are that they aren't real. Like, why? Because you said so? Because gay relationships are gross to you? People need to grow up.

Sorry for the rant lol

Hi anon!

I think Tae and Jk's thoughts and feeling about shipping and shippers must be amongst the most confusing ones they have. There are many aspects to shipping and shippers... especcially Taekook shippers.

Shipping is part of their job... it's part of any idol's job really. So they know (and they were probably prepared for this, and even encouraged at first) that fans in general love to ship certain pairs of idols together. It gets more confusing though if you actually catch feelings for the person you are widely shipped with.. and it get's super complicated if you even end up in a secret relationship with that person. You have to keep it a secret while people also want to see you close together.. it's a fine line to walk. There's also a wide variety of shippers. There's those that don't actually think they're together, but just enjoy the thought of it. There's those that do think they're together and are silent supporters. There's those that are very loud in their support. There's people who go overboard and make it a quest to prod them with annoying questions. There's people who think they're together but don't really like it. And what's confusing is that for Tae and Jk, it's never clear what kind of shipper they are dealing with. Army..Taekookers are faceless and nameless to them. So it's hard for them to look at Taekookers and separate the annoying ones from the supportive ones... I think.

There are instances where I feel like someone who posts an obvious "I love their friendship" actually is a secret shipper who doesn't want to be called out by fandom as a whole, but who does want to talk about them 😂. Shipping Tae and Jk together comes with a different load than shipping other members together. People very obviously feel the need to separate them from Tkkrs. I think for sure there's many who are actually concerned for Tae and Jk, and they think they are defending them. For me it gets real icky when that need is rooted in homophobia. No-one knows for sure what their real deal is. Not us, and certainly not anti's as well. But to treat the idea of Jk and Tae together as an insult is just ridiculous. And I'm quite sure that neither Tae or Jk sees it that way.

I don't think comments like "I love their frienship!" are wrong. I mean, I say I love Jm and Hobi's friendship too. I know we are sensitive to that, because it can feel like an invalidation to what we think their bond is. But, when I think of Jk and Tae.. I think they actually really like seeing comments like that. Because comments like that are safe while at the same time they do point to a strong bond between them.

It's not easy being a Tkkr. Because it will never be about us being right. It can't be. Honestly, best we can do is just keep supporting them and find comfort amongst ourselves when things get tough. You are not crazy for believing in them. The moments we see come from them, it's not stuff we make up. If the two persons in question were a male and a female more than half of the fandom would agree with us.

#taekook #fandom shenanigans #feel free to rant any time #sorry for responding late #i've been feeling under the weather a bit

[cubedmango]

okay its naina losing her fucking mind and doing unnecessary amounts of Thinking hours again so heres every single shot from the trailer (not the voice lines bc theyre different sometimes) paired with which part of the manga its from + speculation and stuff ok enjoy

1:

4 shots from .... well.................. the very beginning aka chapter 1

im guessing this scene being extended means theres going to be a little more setting up of the magic besides just adachi going "so i have this now huh" but probably not drama/rd amounts where half of the first ep was Just setup. maybe a few mins at most ??

2.

also chapter 1. almost all of these are gonna be ch1 btw lol

also was anyone gonna tell me fujisakis hair isnt actually black or was i supposed to find that out for the first ever time yesterday

3.

ch1

p much the same im gonna assume

4.

ok this one im not super sure but i think its either somewhere in this section from ch1

or this part from ch 4

thought it might be him working overtime at first but theres ppl in the bg so it cant be that, and i cant rlly think of any other scene where he'd be making that kind of expression so .??? yeah

5.

ch1

Prelude to Elevator Scene........ also dont think anythings gonna be changed here (except their office building girl it looks fancey.... what happened to the windows tho)

6.

.................ch1

the icon. the moment. the visionary. i dont think any adaptation is legally allowed to change elevator scene so

7.

first one maybe ch5.4 . other three ch5.3

these guys exist. im here for animated udon where is she. end of comment

8.

back to ch1

really funny how they animated this bit . adachi u dramatic bitch never change please (also dont think anythings literally gonna change here)

9.

SHOCKING!!! CHAPTER 2!!!!!!!!!!! U READ THAT RIGHT CHAPTER TWOOO

HES WEARIN THE PJS..!!!! ok two things 1) this specific shot will probs cut to kurosawas side of things . maybe 2) im thinking ch1 and 2 might both be in ep1 which will be A First for any version but with the lack of any exposition and how fast ch1 ends im assuming theyll have ch2 for the second half of the ep

10.

ch1

theyre not even standing that close in the manga wh . two bros 5 feet apart come on

11.

end of ch1

its literally the same. also anime adachi w the cup looks unfairly cute what the fuck. anyways ep1 might not be ending on this iconic scene actually rip.... at least its still there

end of post. also bonus but adachi screaming at the end is probs not from this last scene but during the overtime scene . ok bye

#my post #my fuckign laptop died in the middle of me making this and i thought i lost the post i was gonna be so mad #the universe can try but alas it wont ever stop my brainrot . overthinking silly animays is my experitise #this is not going in the tag but if ur seeing this anyway im so sorry

[luckyqueenreign]

Honestly, it took me a min to process this weeks episodes.

I have been reading people thoughts about the episodes, and i miss when the Islanders had their own personal opinion on MC.

I'm also getting tired of FB desperately trying to make LI so shady in this case, Lewie, for me.

Like pls make up your mind. Is Lewie a sweet guy, or is he a red flag. Is Jamal the chilled cool guy, or is he a snake. Like i get there has to be drama but why is everything surrounding MC at least season 2 and 4 we had Priya/Noah/Hope drama Lottie or mc/Rocco/Marisol drama and 4, the whole Lexi/Kobi/Valentina.

If this is an attempt to bring back the story line of MC and Bruno, they are failing horribly.

At this point, i just feel like Ozzy is obviously the main character, I like him, but i really wanted to pursue and look into the other routes before his slow burn.

I did like that we finally got to interact abit with amelia and she wasnt mixed in the drama, but Pls for the love of god just get over what you have to say because i promise you i dont care if its anything Zeph involved.

I liked Lewie getting jealous, and im not gonna lie. i liked the whole (Suresh/Arlo) moment looking at each other through the dates, i wish we could have flirted like we did then, but i was a Suresh Girlie. But definitely, last season gave me whiplash, and i was hoping for a cleaner route the first time around.

The whole recoupling was so rushed like i was literally just coupled up with Lewie the night before????

Also once again FB WHY ARE YOU MAKING HIM GO TO TALK TO CHLOE BEFORE US, then coming to me to sneak away with you at the day beds???

I'm calling it now, FB IF I SNEAK OUT AND I FIND THIS MAN WITH CHLOE IN A COMPROMISING POSITION IM RESTARTING MY ROUTE AND STICKING IT OUT WITH OZZY.

Like i love Lewie but i hate how they are doing his route filled with sneakiness.

Something bugging me is that we can't seem to talk to other ppl unless it's LI related. In Season 2 my MC was hooping around in my noah route. Right now, i feel like i barely spoke to Jamal or Roberto. it's either flirt with your first LI or Ozzy. Maybe they change it later. Sorry for venting!

no bestie dont be sorry because I feel the same right now!!

Every single season since s2 we've all been like bring back s2. give us what we had back then. and I know when s2 was out people complained that MC was constantly in someone else's drama and it was too centered around the villa and not us. but why didnt they tweak that just a tiny bit instead of giving us the most boring season of life with s3. s4 I think is the closest we ever got to s2 because we actually had routes that season but we also had one of the ugliest MCs of all time. no need to drudge up the past on s5...I was a suresh girlie too and man they put literally everyone in hell every single week. I have some ptsd after that season and still havent been able to replay it. I know we said we wanted recouplings back after having zero last season but we actually wanted some control over them!! we didnt want fb to just dictate them all over again. fb lowkey has ruined the LJR route for me. one I hate that those THREE guys all have the exact same route. and then if you aren't romancing the other two u literally never see them or talk to them. S2 I never romanced Ibrahim or Gary and was never coupled with them but I actually got to know them and even though we were just friends I knew so much about them. We know nothing about the other guys. Some people have sent me asks about head canons for Roberto and I havent been able to answer them bc I literally dont know that man. the only people I know are Ozzy and Lewie and even then the convos have been kind of surface.

ps you can vent anytime!! 💖

#litg double trouble #litg s6 #love island the game

[chicago-poet]

idk i went back and forth on whether to post this bc i dont make a lot of posts and idk why i expect people to care but also i do want to tell someone and have other people know so.

super long confusing musings on my sexuality and stuff under the cut. its long so u dont have to read it but id like it if u could like the post if u wanted please n thank u 💖💖

like ok so for a long time now ive id'ed as an ace lesbian and felt at home with that and now bc of circumstances and reasons ive started thinking again.

but a part of me has always felt so disconnected from other lesbians like they all understood something i didnt and i loved the solidarity and community of being a lesbian but i didnt really understand such a big part of it. wrt being in love and sex and all. like i think i confused wanting that closeness and intimacy as being the same thing as feeling it.

and like i guess the turning point of that is that like i do want companionship and someone in my life but the way i want it is never the way other people do even through casual dating etc like sex and romance...the way i want those things are so specific to me and its feels like a venn diagram thats a circle and no one else is ever going to share that with me. maybe someday but its such a slim window to fit into that i cant expect it of other people right now.

but ive been reading abour qprs bc thats another thing ive been super critical on in the past (and i still kinda cringe hearing it) and i mean on one hand qweerplatonic feels like one of those tumblrisms thats code for "my discord relationship" and i feel like when you have a community based on a lack of something people fill the vacuum with like. fandoms and strawman comics. like im adult that pays taxes i dont have squishes on anyone.

but like that aside. i do get it. i like my independence and not having to compromise on things and it would be nice to have a life partner who is similar in those things but still wants the emotional intimacy and exclusivity and commitment of a partner. and qpr is like the best way to explain what i need to other people ig

and in that way i finally understood that like. being acearo is a very specific way to want a connection with someone and u do need words for that so u can find other people like u bc most people dont feel like that and its not wrong to want words to explain what u want to other people and if qpr is the best way to phrase it then i guess im stuck with it.

and then its like so do i feel attraction??? have i ever? but im still gay?? how can i be gay and also acearo? but it makes sense to me bc like i want a partner someday and it is more than a friendship. like in the past ive had very intense girl friendships that blurred the line where we would cuddle and hold hands and talk abot getting married and everyone negged us about dating/thought we were dating and ive always been the one to shy away from it when it came down to finally confront it.

but then when it comes time to say if were gfs i just....dodge the question forever. and i feel guilty about stringing ppl along like that bc i know they want something more than that and im ignoring it. like ive always been happiest in that gray undefined zone thats more than friendship but not quite dating.

like ive always been free with affection and then uncomfortable when someone (understantably) wants it to mean something more. ive always been the one whos not as into the other person while theyre enamoured with me. like my ex just used to gaze at me and say they love me and id be like .....thanks....you too! bc i did love them and i thought we wanted the same things. but it was complicated.

ALL THIS is to say that if i do enter in some kind of life partnership somehow it would still be with a woman or non binary person most likely bc i feel most comfortable with them and still dont like men in that way. so im still gay?

but u know. i identified as bi before as a lesbian before and then an ace lesbian so right now im in a phase of my life where aromantic asexual lesbian is the best way to describe me and im okay with that. it doesnt have to make sense to anyone else but me. it can be contradictory and confusing and "incorrect" but like if thats what i feel descibes me best then thats how im gonna be. its lonely but its also freeing because at least now i realize that i know what i want and i can have what i want if i meet the right person someday.

flowers for u if u read this far down💐💐💐💐💐💐 thank u to anyone who read any of that.

#the mortifying ordeal of spilling ur guts on tumblr dot com

[allfortzu]

https://vm.tiktok.com/ZGejPRpb8/

im feeling like a nerd but ngl...

its interesting how in this tik tok the dynamics are completly different, usually tzu, jeong, mina (and dahyun) are portrayed as the "you were everything" line, while nayeon, (momo), Chaeyoung and sana are the "you were a wonderful experience"

I love seeing other dynamics of this because i think members like nayeon sana and chaeyoung can have crazy thoughts, but they are always portrayed as the ones that "dont really give a fuck" (?)

well lmk your thoughts !

also im kinda sorry for always being in your asks with links or me just fangirling i need to start paying rent to be here or something..

I totally get you!!! and if you asked me, I love the dynamic portrayed in the vid as well 🥹 im going to yap now.... please don't mind this 😓😓

tbh I think it's been changing a lot recently!! I feel like there isn't as set of a dynamic between pairings as there once was before, and more hcs are consciously challenging those past dynamics the fandom used to always have (which I love!!)

obv I really love this too bc it does exactly that 🫂 I completely agree that it's nice to see the members usually perceived as indifferent (ie: sn, nay etc) given a more thoughtful role -- they're human, after all, and if we're gonna make fake hcs abt real ppl, we better do them justice 😭

since we all know of how their stereotypical dynamics go, there's an additional layer of depth when the roles are flipped that doesn't just stop at "now the ones who used to care don't care and the ones who didn't are holding on desperately"!

it's like... the pairing still makes sense despite diverging from their normally assumed dynamics, and its the fact that we can feel it still makes sense that's amazing!! bc they're ultimately humans who are capable of being both "you were everything"/"you were a wonderful experience" at the same time 🥹

attempting to explore every side of ppl who have complexities we could never even imagine 🫂🫂

TLDR: I like when dynamics are flipped bc it can serve to remind ppl that humans are multifaceted, and when it comes to rpf thats very important to remember 😞😞

also, please never apologise for being in my asks :(( It absolutely brightens my day seeing an ask from you, maybe I should pay rent for replying to your asks with all my mindless yapping instead 😭😭 I also need you to give me my daily dose of twice tiktok content bc I don't use tt 💔 (I got so addicted I had to delete it to bring some semblance of discipline back in my life 😭)

#asks #nr1chaedickrider #i hope all of this makes sense i dont know when to stfu 😭😭😭

[joculatrixster]

Gingerbright's description says that she was baked "with leftover dough from making Gingerbrave" which kinda says that yeah, the two are related. I don't blame you if you didn't know about that as personally I didn't for a good while

they r not. let me explain.

Canonly they r NEVER stated to be family or see each other as such(arguments for found family aside) and in the valentines day event devs paired them??? in the picture i had in my og post it was clearly meant to be brave and bright but thats not the only reason i dont see them as family

their chart also doesnt say family, and while for some cookies it makes sense why in ovenbreak it would say that even when canon(Princess and Tigerlily separated at birth so not KNOWING they r related to eachother) Gingerbrave and Gingerbright have interacted w/ each other in MANY forms of cr media being the 2 main mascots even if bright is less so and they have never referred to each other as siblings(to my knowledge, if someone has proof of that ill change my mind). Hell they came out of the oven together and don't call each other siblings. Brave called Dozer his brother in Ovenbreak yet ha called Bright nothing but a trusted friend.

Actually, do you want to know what their charts do say? Bright's chart "My bravest friend! He's so brave!" FRIEND not brother. His? "Shes the brightest Cookie I know!" nothing saying thats his sister, if anything it is actually implying they r close friends again.

And while Brave has said to have a canon family member(Dozer) in the YEARS Bright has been around they never said she's his sister, being baked from the same dough i get why ppl would see them as related...but imo that doesnt make them related.

Littleray no other family member has been said to share dough??? for Alchemist and Vampire they r both grape based(grapes and wine), Almond and Walnut r both nuts, the Cherry Trio r all related to cherries, cherry blossoms, and candy cherries...none of whom r said to be baked form the same dough iirc??? its clearly ingredient based??? even mustard and wasabi r both condiments...and yet there r many cookies who share ingredients who r NOT related as well, like Latte, Affogato, and Espresso all being from the coffee tribe yet sharing no canon relationship or Bluelily and Lilybell who r from the same village sharing flowers as an ingredient yet being implied as a ship in canon...

Hey, did u know in the og korean txt of line(and possibly ovenbreak I havent checked) Devil uses Angel Cookie batter w/ added bat extract? while many hc the 2 r family its never canonly stated they r. Actually, in the comics, there were multiple Angel Cookies who all shared ingredients but didnt share relation.

Can i also use her whole description here? bc i think it says something u kinda didn't see...

"Maybe the Witch thought GingerBrave seemed lonely all by himself, cause she baked GingerBright with the leftover dough from making GingerBrave. Sweet and bubbly GingerBright is full of life. But this smart Cookie clearly knows that it would be a bad idea to offer her lollipop to GingerBrave."

...to me this doesnt imply the witch made him a sister, it implies the witch made him a trap. bc he was lonely she sent him a cookie similar to him to let his guard down but to me that seems to imply something like a friend sent(or lover...) but she resisted doing something which could have hurt him. Honestly i could just argue she only used the left over dough bc they were the first or last cookies if i wanted to bc the witch has been said to bake multiple cookies in batches together btw. Strawberry was baked in the same batch, for all we know she has some of the same dough as those 2 as well.

The fun thing about headcanons is we all have our own interpretations w/out telling others theirs was wrong. The sad thing about headcanons is ppl do not understand that. So, anon, I do not blame you if you didn't know about that as personally I didn't for a good while.

#gingerbright #gingerbrave #cookie run #is this discourse??? #ask to tag #ig #rose rambles #all of this is /nm btw #I SOUND SO MAD IN THIS I THINK BUT IM NTO MAD AT U SPECIFCLY JSUT...CR FNADOM MAN... #THIS IS WHY I LEFT!!! PPL CANT RESPCT MY HCS BC THEY R UNPOPUALKR!!!

[cogbreath]

thank u for ur reply!! i always love ur insight :) n ive read the article before LMAO now that was a classic example of his pretty privilege working cus if he didn’t look the way he did, his behaviour would’ve raised eyebrows. but no…he was viewed as a quirky silly guy by his roommate LOLZ. makes me wonder if mohammed atta would be viewed the same way if he were white passing.

anon you fascinate me im very very intrigued by the fact u already know so much abt this... keep sending asks its soo rare that i actually do get to talk to someone who already knows this much abt this. Anyhow I would reason to bet he might have been viewed more sympathetically if that were the case, however, in any case he was arguably more reserved and stoic by comparison so i think even if he was, people would be maybe a bit more suspicous with him, especially cuz fitting in seemed to come more naturally to jarrah for various reasons... atta never seemed to want to fit in more than he needed to in order to stay under the radar. I know that atta and jarrah did also butt heads abt this to some degree, i know that atta was suspicious that jarrah might even give up on the whole thing cuz of how he kept backsliding. I also think a lot of writers can "see themselves" in jarrah while they really cant with atta, he's an unfamiliar personality imo, specifically bc most writers in the anglosphere come from a secular culturally christian perspective. I think they r sympathetic to him because they start to realise that this sort of stuff really is something that "just anyone" could find themselves getting roped into thru means of being radicalised. Meanwhile I think they view atta as someone who already was quite "radical" at least in their eyes. of course, this is just my experience, but I've had many of my muslim accquantinces comment on how its actually quite a shame that atta took the path he did, because they feel he was otherwise quite promising, and might have made a good scholar or something along those lines. So thats the other side of things if you will. I think I can agree with that perspective myself. Of course its important to not get too engulfed in that mindset, because you can't forget they made the choices they did.

But yeah, there are many things about atta that Ive read about that i find to have been equally quirky and silly of behaviors, but i find myself annoyed how writers (even terry mcdermott does it in his book, perfect soldiers. which is a bit disappointing bc hes a writer who i otherwise rlly enjoy the perspective of on this) dont seem to think that way and paint it to be something as flaws or show of bad character when really, personality and behavior quirks have little to do with his actions. Yknow what i mean of course. Demonizing behaviors that have nothing explicitly to do with being a terrorist. You are really fun anon, its fun for me to get to discuss this stuff, the psychology/characteristics/behavior of those involved with the hamburg cell. its fun when i get to discuss it with more than just my super close friends. sometimes i get nervous ppl might think im trying to be a sympathizer/idolizer but i think i make it more than clear its not the case though xP. its undeniable that its a pretty understudied and underdiscussed facet of 9/11. U see it for other crimes and criminals but not really ever on this side of the fence. I feel its a case of dehumanization borne from islamophobia. Easier to get ppl to feel hate when you paint the perpetrators as faceless monsters. If u ever wanna dm me off anon u are super free to. Also, if you have anything to share that is interesting like a video or article or anything like that, feel free to send it! even if i have seen it or read it before, i would be eager to discuss my thoughts and feelings on it.

#long post #kind of #9/11 stuff

[rinbowaman]

OH HELL THE LAST CHAPTER OF DOUBLE TROUBLE HAS GOT ME DOWN SO BAD LIKE HEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY!!!!!!!!!! YOURSO GOOD AT WRITING SMUT IT REALLY IS ACTUALLY AMAZING BECUZ I NEVER THOUGHT SMUT WAS RELLY WOULD CARE TO READ UNTIL I STARTED READING YOUR FICS. I M ALSO CURIOUS ABOUT WHAT YOU WROTE WHEN YOU SAID THAT HEETHAN WAS BASED OFF YOU IS THAT LIKE NORMAL FOR WHEN YOU WRITE YOUR FICS? IM VERY INTERESTED IN YOUR YN'S AND MALES CAN YOU TALK MORE ABOUT IT?? I'M SUPER INTRIGUED NOW. LUV U!

<3 lol! thank you! i'm glad the last chapter of DT got you feeling some type of way, it was a good chapter. i was pleasantly surprised by how many reblogs it got just over night, which makes me pleased bc i love seeing my work spread out, it gives me hope that many other people will like it and help me create more content. and i love writing smut, it really is fun bc it adds excitement. like writing can sometimes be a drag, but writing smut never gets boring bc there are so many dang ways you can describe and outline the scene, it makes it fun. not to mention i'm sure yall enjoy it ;)

and yes, heethan....actually all my hee-leads are pretty much inspired by myself. like i often think to myself "if i was a dude and in this situation that i'm drafting, how would i react? what would i do?" and that's usually how i end up drafting out the male characters. ofc a bit of inspiration comes from the man himself, the real HS, so certain attributes (aside from his looks and features) but like heethan's ability to dance and do sports, that all is based off the real HS. also the obsession, that's kind of based off the vibe i got from the real HS. to put quite frankly, when i learned who enhypen was and when i first watched their videos and saw their photos, i just got this vibe that the real HS would be the type that would be somewhat obsessed and possessive of his partner. so i just used my gut feeling and expanded that to make the hee-leads as insane yandere lovers. i dont htink the real HS is yandere but i do get this vibe that he would be the type to be somewhat clingy and territorial with his loved one.

i actually love this topic bc i never really got the chance to go into great detail about the hee-leads and how they are created, much less the y/ns. so if you guys want to know more, see below the line for all the details on my y/n and heelead inspirations ;)

for heeleads, they are all based off me in a sense like...their reactions to y/n. all their reactions to y/n is based off my initial reaction i had with a girl that i met at the college i enrolled in, during orientation. now i myself am straight, but i can appreciate beauty when i see it. and the y/n i saw...she was actually in her last year of college at the time and was finishing up...so i assume she was around 23 or 24, so older than me, but she was gorgeous. her hair, her skin, her voice, just...everything. she took my breath away, and it was funny bc i heard about her before seeing her, and i just kind of thought ppl were just hyping her up for no reason but when i saw her i was legit like "whoooooooa." so my reaction was used as inspiration for the heeleads in that aspect, especially heethan. everything else as far as their character is a mixture of "what would i do?" and the vibe i got from real HS, not to mention, adding the yandere influence and traits that are somewhat common in the yandere community. that's the biggest challenge, is to outline their traits as insanely obsessive, possessive, sadistically loving lovers. like i want them to be insanely in love with you guys to the point where the selfishness is wrong but its like....sexy at the same time. bc of how much they want and need you.

now for the y/ns....you know it's so hard to leave the y/n's less descriptive bc i so badly want to describe each one of them in great detail but in order to do that, i'd have to know the attributes of all my readers bc my y/n's really are based off of you all. like i do know its' common for most writers to insert their own image, personality, or their own traits as the y/n, which i find that to be a big no-no as a writer. i feel like if you insert yourself as the main lead when creating, it kind of takes away from the readers in allowing them to fit into the story. so when it comes to the y/ns and who inspires me, it became way easier to imagine a y/n once i got to know my readers and some of them even have PM'd me selfies (just to show love) and it kind of motivates me to draft the chapters and outline y/n's. most of the time, i leave y/ns just a blank face and with somewhat a dull personality bc i dont want to get too narrow with her. i want you all to fit the y/ns. that's the hardest part of drafting the stories tbh. i think the only times i've kind of maybe inserted myself with the y/ns is like....their reactions, like "what would i do if i was her in this situation." so like for instance, when y/n in HHP got kidnapped, I thought to myself "how would i feel? what would i do? would i cry? would i go into shock?" just to try and bring some life in her emotions and personality.

I will say the only y/n that i might of inserted myself a little bit more, as far as sense of style, would be the MT y/n. just the style, like her accessories and attire. so that y/n probably reflected me the most just because when i outlined her outfits, they literally were outfits that i do have or maybe my mom has that i really want to wear....but she wont let me lol. my mom is a fashionista. also heethan's y/n, the bond she has with her dad was influenced by the bond i have with my dad, i placed that in there bc i wanted to include heartfelt moments of y/n with her family, but i also wanted to do the same towards her mother, which is why in DT, the y/n has that similar bond with her mom, so that way i can try to expand the fitting concept to all readers, bc some of you all may be closer to your mom or your dad. i was fortunate to have a tight knit bond with both of mine.

each series has a y/n that will be different from the next so that it can appeal to the wide variety of readers i have. as far as her appearances, i just always have a blank face, although the one thing that is consistent, is that for some reason, my mind always imagines the y/n's (all of them) with longer hair....which is weird bc i personally think that real HS would actually prefer shorter hair (like shoulder length or mid chest length) but for some reason my y/n's always pop up with like really long hair and i have no idea why. probably bc i can imagine the heeleads playing and running their fingers through their hair. that might have been inspired by my cousin, she has super long hair..like mermaid long. its down to her lower waist and its beautiful. I would always watch her swinging it over the arm of a couch and my family members playing with it, so that's probably why i always imagine the y/ns with longer hair. lol.

as far as her personality, again, its dull bc all my readers have different personalities, so i want them to dictate the y/n based off their own traits. to a degree, i will add some personality traits to them. so like heethan's y/n is a gentle, carefree, kind, very submissive and nurturing (good girl next door) type. while MT y/n is immortal, and she's older and her personality type is very witty, smart, a bit standoffish bc of her secret, but caring and just kind of a loner type. she has lots of trust issues bc of her secret lineage.

Heelel's y/n is one that has lots of prospects in life, follows her own gut instinct, and is just one of those that strays from the herd type, as evident in the series. she is confused by the entire events of the cult while she watches her friends and family joining it, but doesn't become influenced to join, which is why she never became a part of the cult. heelel's y/n is just one of those "i'm going to do me" types.

Heebros y/n is kind of like a career gal, she is driven and has lots of potential to be a very successful person, not to mention she's got kind of a slight bit of boldness and attitude to her persona, as seen when she introduced kurt to the parents and the brothers at the wedding.

Heeler's y/n, as you can see so far, is a very calm, no drama type. She's very kind and is the sympathetic type, and will do anything to help others. she's a very nice and quiet type of girl. in fact, all the y/n's are pretty much the quiet types lol.

[fearowkenya]

hm!

this is like vaguely related to that post abt ambiguity . i was gonna put this in the tags but uhhhh actually i dont want the op of that post to see it because it turned into a lot more words than i thought and at that point its like, make ur own post , yknow

anyway wrt ambiguity, normally i HATE not knowing stuff which is why i was p resistant to it before. something something deepseated belief that im not smart enough to read between the lines and that when i try im wrong because i am not smart so why even try. but actually maybe i am smart enough and the deepseated belief is wrong, and maybe its fun to try to figure stuff out yourself even if youre wrong or even if theres multiple possibilities. i digress.

basically i dont want to sound like one of these two specific flavors of dumbass:

i like knowing things yes but now i prefer 'knowing' things, in that i chewed on it until i think ive figured it out. could i be wrong? maybe. probably, even ,since i still have Issues with thinking im not smart enough to understand.

the first is just completely wrong bc i misunderstood something or interpreted smth in a way that is definitely incorrect or having not connected some pretty obvious dots

the second is more, Hahah check out this idiot who is trying to Understand when the point is Not Understanding. when ppl say they like ambiguity do they mean that they like coming up with their own conclusions regardless of if its the right one or not, or do they mean they see ambiguity and are like "MM who can say! anyway," and never think about it again. because i dont understand the appeal of that second thing , but if thats actually what it is, i worry i am not smart enough to understand why it appeals to people.

anyway thats why it takes me six million years to make posts abt shit i think ive figured out. even yesterday when i made the post abt okami i reread it like eight million times until i was confident id thought about every single possible angle.

its like, i dont actually care about being wrong, ppl are wrong all the time including me and thats just how it is to be a person. nothing wrong with being wrong. and its not like my interpretation HAS to be right, half the fun is hearing wildly different interpretations from other people.

its more that if im really excited n confident abt something i think ive figured out, i get very scared that ive overlooked something extremely obvious and that people will not be kind to me about it. this is kinda irrational because i probably dont want to be friends with people who are mean to me because i was wrong about something. but all the same, brains Been Like That for a long time.

what the fuck was this post about. oh yeah i like to chew on ambiguity its fun

#mattie chatters

[musashi]

1, 12, 30, 32, 42, 50 for the fic asks?

tysm!

What fic of yours would you recommend to someone who had never read any of your work? (In other words, what do you think is the best introduction to your fics?)

oooh thats hard and would depend on fandom too. maybe just chapter 1 of DTE? honestly i feel like DTE is me at my best i'd feel weird reccing anything else, but. its long x3

Are there any tropes you used to dislike but have grown on you?

nope! i've been the same forever.

Have you ever written something that was out of your comfort zone? If so, what was it, and how did it affect your approach to writing fic thereafter?

talked about this a little bit in a previous ask abt swallowtail :] but also, both my multichapters were WAY outside of my comfort zone. i did not think i had ONE complete multichapter in me, let alone TWO.

it just made me more cocky. i already genuinely believe i can do anything, but kicking so much ass at both of them really didn't help.

Have you ever received a comment that particularly stood out to you for whatever reason?

one time i wrote a very short fic about franziska von karma snotting like a toddler all over her brother's fucking work desk while passionately denying that she was capable of catching a cold and @pictureswithboxes left me a review that said 'you made franziska von karma so gross in this fic' and i think to this day it's the sweetest thing anyone's ever said to me. the fastest a comment has ever grown on me. idk how to explain this. idk how to explain why i loved it so much, its like

everyone compliments me on my tenderness. my caretaking. and its cool ig. but i don't think i'm good at writing that stuff, and it's not why i write sickfic. or like, it's not what i enjoy most about writing sickfic. my favourite part of writing sickfic is torture! obviously there has to be comfort or i dont enjoy the hurt, but i feel as though misery is what i write best. i am soooo good at writing low-level misery, itchy discomfort, little minute details. and i feel like most ppl focus on the other part. and im like, BUT DID YOU SEE THE MISERY?

and bailey's out here like yeah i saw it. if i was in that room w her i'd be spraying her with lysol. you made this hot lady a plague rat awesome job. one time this same mutual said something along the lines of "i wanna say i wanna eat this fic but i dont. its full of germs. im patting it gently, from far away, with gloves on, and disinfectant" ljsghsfhf

it's just nice to be seen for the craft i REALLY enjoy: giving hot girls messy headcolds. like yeah its cool that they get looked after. but did you see how disheveled i made them? <3

also just the complete lack of worry that i'd be offended by this comment, too. as i'm sure you all know i hate it when people are anxious/scared around me and try to butter me up with sweet/soft language. it makes me feel handled with kid gloves at best, and it makes me feel intimidating and scary at worst. having someone just boldly come into my comment box like "YOU MADE HER SO GROSS. THANK YOU" without a second thought about if i might find that phrasing indelicate, i was like oh my god please be my friend. i need to be friends with you or i'll die. speak my damn language some more i'm thriving. anyways this is now a bailey appreciation ask, sorry for party rocking.

not gonna answer 50 cause i dont do broad/nonspecific questions sghdfg

#wendy answers #Anonymous

[mebbrrr]

cc indirect from the perspective of a bitch who dropped the fandom a While Ago and hates like 80% of the creators on the server

1. youre cool. ur New To Big Fame but i think ur quite neat and actually seem rlly nice. rock on. also u actually bring something new to that shitass story and its nice to see from the sidelines

2. same with the above u seem Cool i just Dont know As Much abt you. ur cool

3. i literally do not have feelings about you. like your humor is just Loud and it works sometimes but like Yknow.

4. um. twitter is on ur ass rn. for good reasons it seems like

5. you are the only mf. ur cool in my book u should get more attention

6. i literally dont know a thing about you

7. i still watch ur youtube content u kinda rock. we are like when autism unites except u might be neurotypical Idk

8. also know nothing abt u but ur character had a cool premise at least

9. Hardly Know Anything about you but youre good in my books purely by the fact that you know Nothing at all. that sits right with me. ur on thin ice tho (but everyone on this list is)

10. um. i have ur merch i guess but imma be real i am likely going to sell it LMAO

11. idk u

12. i also dont know u

13. ur tweets remind me of my grandmother’s facebook presence

14. imma be real i do not like u king. ur like #25 in terms of Dark Humor El Oh El and that doesnt vibe with me and i also just. couldnt sit down for ur streams i am being 100% honest its just Something abt ur voice

15. u r kind of boring i will not lie. i like ur laugh tho

16. ur gay i guess

17. it’d be cool if u would actually apologize for some of the stuff u’ve done. like im of the belief that u actually learned from it but actually acknowledging it would be sicknasty. please acknowledge it. the ice is so thin that you literally have 1 foot in the water. also i fucking hate the character you play its so badly written

18. i literally have no thoughts on you. you showed up for the first time when i first started watching and i Still do not have thoughts on you

19. ur twitter stans are annoying. like ur ok i Guess (friend-disown that other mf and we’re GOOD) but your vibe is just slightly Wrong

20. u actually did apologize for the shit u did. idk how to feel abt u tho even tho i actually do find you funny

21. u deserved better both from fans and from those bitches on the server who Never listened to u

22. i still vibe with you. ur like a capybara to me i could never hate you. thank u for actually calling ppl out on their bullshit

23. U ALSO DESERVED BETTER. thank u for apologizing for ur ignorance. but also u deserved better king i wish the other jackasses on the server listened to u

24. ur fucked up Lol i thought u were Cool for a bit just bc Most People Did but u have recently gotten urself into hot water and its.. deserved bc wtf. u fucked up For Sure

25. i cant see the appeal. any bit of humor from u Solely comes from ur voice. u are like if john mulaney made a career on being even whiter than he is. also u literally buy (SOMETHING HEEHEEHOOHOHO) which is still fucked up even if u frame it as a joke LMAO

26. i mean ur fine i guess. thin ice bc ur white. ur (HOBBY OF SOME SORT) does rock tho

27. YOU ALSO CALL PPL OUT ON THEIR SHIT. ur better than most of these bitches

28. i cannot get over past comments u’ve made. not only did they make me deeply uncomfortable, but they hurt some of my friends and acquaintances and that will always carry with me

29. imma be real i. could never get into ur content. ur funny with other people but just.. not on ur own, to me

30. you are white bread

31. i did like ur content. like a lot. but i feel like you crossed over that line of whats okay to joke about Too Much and now i cant vibe with u. hope u learn from it i guess bc i still Do have some sort of hope for u

32. i dont trust any man with that hobby and that name

33. u deserved better. except when you decided to partake in buying (SOMETHING. LOL) wish ur friends were less white

34. i wish you’d get acting lessons bc you were one of the few genuinely interesting characters

35. U R THE ONLY MF FROM THIS SMALLER GROUP THAT I CAN STAND. AND THAT DOESNT EVEN PUT U ON GOOD TERMS IN MY BRAIN

36. ppl somehow forget u in the conversation of (some discourse dont worry) even tho ur one of the main parties involved. i just dont rlly like you purely based on vibes, otherwise

37. the last time i read ur name is the first time ill be at peace

[pinkseas]

[parasocial bestie] seeing that ask answered and speeding thru 382983 mph reading and the questions and i go >:] cracks knuckles eats em like french fries i read the answers and honestly i have no brains to answer back What than just to handshake back 4 times and it rlly made me happi!!! ALSO QUESTIONS TIME FOR ME TO ANSWER DAMN?

a) i dont think i have like a main?? but like back in 2.7 it literally. got me back to Loving xiao to the extent I Am Now and its my whole personalith for the 848274th time so i took every chance jsut to have him in the team so i can hear his jp voice (i am very biased at his jp voice i can never unhear him and im not regretting it) so like hes now the Main Guy in my exploration teams ever with yelan nahida zhongli peepaw and i think the others speaks a lot too LMAOOOO

b) the ones mentioned alrd part of the lil list of i will die for them forever <33 and those in my past asks too like the chasm crew gets me Thinking of them no matter how i Dont Know them a lot more than theyve shown themselves (or i jsut didnt bother to be chronically obsessed 2 read them I LOVE SHINOBU AS SHE IS BUT DO I WANNA GO TO HER HANGOUTS AGAIN AND PICK EVERY SINGLE ONE OF HER LINES FOR LORE IDT SO i kiss my love <33) tho ei is that kind of Fav more like that i can understand her flaws even if its unjustified and she can be a bit childish so i just. Look Away sometimes now that wanderer got his own solace and have a new life with nahida whos a way better caretaker/friend (i will Die for their dynamic), i still get a lil irritated of the asian mom memes she gets put in too. the lil hcs of her with xiao is very much the silly self indulgence i like and separates her and the shogun cus i still think she has her twin's influences!! just Bad at social cues (unperceives her first story quest tho. that is not the Bad At Social Cues or Living in general that im looking for they dumbed her down So Bad) ANYWAYS did u know i missed albedo's banner once and i spent a year mourning endlessly worse than xiao until his rerun and got lucky in 40 pulls if xiao is for lumine then albedo is for ME. kazuha my beloved wanderer i would put him in a burrito blanket but will also willingly throw him off the cliff for the fucking snarkiness he has. venti has an entirely special place in my heart like another category like i do for xiao and lumine and zhongli bc hes. idk!! i think hes a very Comfort guy to me that i look so far past his drunkard ehe flirty femboy common perception of him, which is how i got too passionate on that one unpublished too. hes not the Little Guy type of comfort hes the 'he has this indescribable feeling of closeness and comfort and warmth i want to have in someone that i will meet one day', and i could go On and On about the little things ive thought of him while at the same time i dont focus too much to dig his canon lore!! more like, i pick off the important ones for sure and can already see the core parts of who he is and stick there :((( <3 the major thing is that i love seeing him as a love-all typa guy with no preferences as a god of freedom and his vibes are just so. aspec. so aro so ace he Doesnt Care more than he cares for everyone. which is why the ships can Tick Me Off esp the most famous one!! LIKE JEEZ!!! anyway Again the guys i Find Cool and digging thru my brain 2 remember rn; diluc (my lil tall gentleman) kokomi (queen) dehya (i just dont like her exposed midriff design can u feel) jean (her and diluc kaeya as a trio is Such A Dynamic!! i love trios!!) klee (actually id die for her too for being the canon sib to albedo) qiqi (the same for being the Headcanon sib to xiao) alhaitham (asshole. also ive delved into analyzing a Little of his character and i like his sense of neutrality to some things) kaveh (his Fucking Existence being a funny spectacle + i only focus on his briefcase friend Mehrak) THERES PROLLY MORE BUT IM NOT SURE IF I CANT RMB

c) ppl say mondstadt feels very homey and since its the first region we're introduced to i can agree!! and its home to a Lot More Mystery regarding the traveler since its the least explored i still think about the upside down statue a lot. but i cant rlly say if i have a Certain favourite that doesnt tie to my favs than my personal taste (the chasm rlly ingrained a Permanent Influence on me regarding sentimentality of loss) so i cant rlly choose!! liyue's got my boy and his peepaw + chasm, inazuma is the start of Really Great World Quests despite how hard it is to thru the region in general + enkanomiya is so Pretty and such a concept, sumeru has the same reasons and the caves are Irritating before the underground layouts are finally integrated in their official interactive maps. i just like to explore!!

d) idt i have much expectations that doesnt feel Petty like the ongoing issue of hyv prioritizing aether as their poster boy that lumine barely has any official work EVEN as the abyss sibling, 'both twins canon travelers' my ass. i think i would very much like a trading system but i Can understand why that wont work profit-wise for hyv BUT BELIEVE ME NOW NY SOLE REASON FOR IT IS JUST ME NEEDING SWEET FLOWERS FOR MY SWEET DREAM ALMOND TOFU HOARDING. i need sugar so bad. i have 300+ in the making i can never reach 1k. i need another xiao-centric quest cus lantern rite doesnt rlly center him and the chasm was a cultural reset But I Get that chasm occuring once is exactly why ir should stay that way to be Infuential and not repetitve and def not abt xiao being hyv's favourite guy SO HOW ABT BRINGING ALBEDO LORE BACK THIS YEAR. nahida venti 2nd story quest when. i think they should buff the traveler so much they shouldnt be ranked B as any role of a team!!! it's kinda sad theyre fun At first in sumeru then not anymore. i think thats it atm!!

note to self swap to jp voices if you ever get xiao. just looked up the voice and OHHHHHHHHHHH MY GOD DO NOT BLAME YOU ONE BIT WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. WHAT THE FUCK. suddenly i am down bad oh my GOD.

and with yelan nahida and zhongli oh my god i Love that for you so bad that sounds like such a funky little crew..........

CHASM CREW <33333 shinobu especially youre so real for that like ohhhh my god. oh my God. love her so bad. fully understand ei being the fave tbh and also understand the looking away, im so mad at how they handled her story quests and her writing she deserved SO much better but the concept at least is There to think about and build off of and i love that for her... HAVING HER TWIN'S INFLUENCES so fawking good god i LOVE that.

"if xiao is for lumine then albedo is for ME" THIS MADE ME CACKLE I LOVE THAT FOR YOUUUUUUUU albedo is so. my baby my babyyyyyyyy. kazuha is my everything his Snark is also my everything i love him so bad for it hes soooooooo.

and venti !!!!!! venti. on god venti gets done SO dirty SO frequently i fucking LOVE the way you talk about him like. "he has this indescribable feeling of closeness and comfort and warmth i want to have in someone that i will meet one day" HELLO ???????? FUCK YEAH. and the love-all super aroace vibes YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS idk man IF youre gonna make him all flirty. at least make it flirting as a form of banter/teasing/friendship and still super aroace on top of it likeeeee <- says girl who is super aroace and flirts so fucking much with her friends. um. oops. Anyways. DONT BLAME YOU ONE BIT FOR BEING TICKED OFF im gonna think about this forever now im obsessed.. venti aroace KING............ bc yeah no the little guy ehe flirty drunkard is so. mmmmmmmmmmmmm. he's a whole ass character with a whole ass personality and a god on top of it GIVE HIM SOME FUCKING CREDIT GIVE HIM SOME RESPECT CHARACTERIZE HIM BETTER !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (sent the venti bit specifically to one of the besties while writing this and pls know that they were so excited and enthusiastic and think you are so very based like they already ready most of the asks/answers but this especially made them so <333 it made Both Of Us So <333333)

diluc <333 KOKOMIIIIII she just like me fr. like so different in a few ways but So Similar in so many others i have so much love and respect for her... the healing the jellyfish the pastel vibe the being held to impossible standards still doing her very best to live up to them wanting nothing more than a) to not have to deal with people but simultaneously b) to make everyone happy.... DEHYA IS SO GOOD and huge agree on the design like. okay. w/e. thanks mihoyo. JEAN DILUC KAEYA TRIO BEST EVER I LOVE THEMMMMMMMMMM jean <3333333333333 klee my best friend klee.... another of the besties is a HUGE klee fan and i love her sm because of it i know so little about her and yet i would do Anything for her ever. qiqi my Everything absolutely feel you there, ALHAITHAM AND KAVEH ARE BOTH. together and separately god they are so fucking stupid i adore them. YOU ARE SO VALID I CAN NEVER REMEMBER FAVES PROPERLY ITS SO DIFFICULT THERE ARE SO MANY AND THEY ARE ALL SO BELVOED

no because ive accepted that hoyo way prefers aether traveler lumine abyss sib but. the way there's just So Much More Aether Content Than Lumine Content. idk man IDK MAN......... fucked up. im coming to terms with it and i almost prefer it just bc it gives me more creative freedom with lumine characterization but also man. MAN. TRADING SYSTEM WOULD BE SO GOOD IN SO MANY WAYS ON GOD id kill for that shit. characters weapons materials mora w/e id LOVE that so bad. let me gather ridiculous amounts of resources for my friends itd be so fun....

would KILLLLLLLLLLLL for another xiao-centric quest holy shit ohhhhh my god. give me my boyRight Now. AND ALBEDO LORE AND SECOND STORY QUESTS FOR NAHIDA AND V ENTI SO FUCKING REAL !!!!!!!!!!!!! BUFFED TRAVELER EVEN MORE REAL !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! even if the traveler was like. idk a fawking healer. but a good one. id kill for that if ur gonna make the traveler more support make the mthe Best SUpport Ever Please they are my everything i want them to be the bestest <3 as someone who protjects onto the traveler and loves healer roles i am definitely not biased at all. not even a little bit. smile

why do you have the best thoughts ever i love hearing All of this i am exploding as we speak. on the ground in a million little pieces. blowing away on the wind. landing in the sea. evaporating into thin air. eventually falling down as rain. repeat. sorry my brain is fried again i am about to take my silly little adhd meds crack my knuckles and Get To Work

#parasocial bestie tag

[heretherebedork]

wanna preface this by saying i am NOT trying to be a vegas apologist or downplay anything i am just trying to get the facts straight

but where exactly did the idea that vegas is a rapist even come from?? i know he drugged porsche in ep4, but he explicitly said ‘i dont like to force anybody’ and that he only wanted to mark him up. which ABSOLUTELY is still sexual assault and absolutely wrong. but i feel like people take his reaction after porsche head butted him to mean that he got angry and was going to rape him but got interrupted but like…all he said was ‘oh that’s how you like it?’ and started to get rougher. WHICH IS STILL SEXUAL ASSAULT but there is no explicit indication of intended rape. especially considering that literally in the next scene….we get k*** explicitly r*ping porsche…..

even in the bathroom scene, he tries to make a move on porsche while they’re BOTH drunk (i see lots of ppl say porsche was faking being drunk so this can go either way) which again isn’t great but there’s no indication of attempted r*pe

even with pete. he gets a little handsy in that dungeon, very clear sexual assault, but everyone was saying he was going to r*pe pete if his dad hadn’t walked in and it’s like?????? where does it say that????? he had pete tied up in his room in just boxers at an isolated safehouse with just the two of them and didn’t touch him, but im supposed to believe he was gonna r*pe him in that dungeon???

because the most consistent thing we’ve seen with vegas and sex…..is consent and protection. even with tawan ffs

i cannot stress enough that this is not me trying to be an apologist or to compare vegas and kinn because my god do they both have their severe flaws, but its just insane to me that vegas and vegaspete have this reputation of being rapey when……well you know

So, a lot of it is coming from the fact that I know he does rape Pete in the book and so that's where the scene lead in that version of the universe. Note: I have not read the book but I know enough people who did to know about that.

I also draw a lot less of a line between sexual assault and rape than you do and while I understand that, it also affects how we're using the language. Would Pete have gone into full on rape when he had Porsche drugged up? There is no way to know. Vegas' morals are like most people's and what he considers forcing doesn't have to be the same.

Think about how many people don't think K raped P in that scene. Think about it. How many people argued with that being rape? How many people explained it away as love? How many people would still never admit that it was rape? I bet there's tons out there.

Did Vegas ever commit a rape on-screen? No. He never did. Did he come close? Yes. Was he interrupted? Yes. Could he easily have committed a rape? Yes.

Vegas apologies aren't needed in the same way because he didn't do the thing that he would be so ripped to shreds for but do I doubt that he wouldn't have done them.

I also don't know how drunk Vegas was when he tried to kiss Pete. There's a good chance neither of them was drunk in that moment but thought the other was. That's... that's a whole different thing about deception and how the show frames things and the differences between the relationships of the characters within the meta narrative.

But I absolutely believe that we are supposed to think that Vegas had plans and/or the ability to rape Pete but did not. But I also kind of think the narrative wants us to assume K and P were already in love despite the rape soooo... I just don't trust the narrative of the show, tbh.

For me, I think Vegas has no limits of what he would have or could have done to Porsche and that his only limits with Pete came after the talk about their fathers. I absolutely think rape was on the table the entire time despite saying he didn't want to force anyone because Vegas just doesn't think in the same morality we do.

Again, at least part of this is that most people aren't differentiating between sexual assault and rape, especially with the idea that rape would only mean penetration or the full act of sex.

But a lot of it is also just K-apologists.

#no tags here #spoilers #spoiler #negative #criticism #rape mention