#okay heres my thought process

[jils-things]

happy mothers day to my first and best momma concept ever designed 💚💚

#i love her so much. i am so proud of her ;;;; she's my biggest favorite right now because of how much ive made for her... #jaide stone was nothing but a huge catalyst for exploring new things ive never thought id find joy in 💖 #and waah hehe yes big rubebe 💖 my son is so big now! so handsome 🥺🥺🥺💚💚 #i feel compelled to expand on the adult ruby concept but that will be for another day :3 #anyways hello how is everyone? i know im a bit of a rollercoaster of activity right now on this blog specifically but yeah :] #ive been twirling around my alt blog so im doing okay #big irl news - ill be graduating from senior high very soon and we're currently in the process of rehearsing it heheh #so hopefully once that's over ill be here and bouncing again! #but yes - momma jaide 💖 the best in the world #~ art #jaide (mangaverse).insert #ruby.fam #stone family tag #pokespe parents #familial f/o #child f/o #selfshipping #selfship #safeship #© to cafekitsune for the dividers

[crowleyholmes]

Bonus:

Don't mind me, I was just thinking about how Crowley must feel every time Aziraphale seems to put him in a box with the rest of hell. I know he tells him he's nice and kind and good and his friend just as many times or more, but still - after 6000 years of friendship and Doing The Right Thing together, it must have hurt when Aziraphale told him he's evil, and then even more when he told him you're the bad guys.

I just find it sooo interesting to look into every instance of Aziraphale talking about Crowley in either way. I want to take his thought process apart and study it under a microscope. We know that he knows that Crowley isn't evil, and we know that Crowley knows that he knows, and we (and Crowley) know that Aziraphale (up until a certain point) is just incredibly Heaven-brainwashed and it's hard for him to break out of that unless there's a situation at hand that requires Direct Action (see giving away the flaming sword to protect Adam and Eve, or protecting Job's children, or helping Elspeth to help Dalrymple, or stopping the Apocalypse).

How does he travel the world and the ages with Crowley and still somehow manage to call him evil with any level of seriousness? He is so convinced that all demons are evil, and at the same time he knows that Crowley's fall was unjust and a mistake and Crowley is NOT evil, but Crowley is a demon, but he's good and kind and nice and just, and Aziraphale sometimes struggles with that. Not consciously, I think, consciously he loves Crowley and trusts him and knows him well enough to see beyond angel/demon good/evil black and white thinking, but sometimes thoughts slip out of his mouth that are just. So far removed from what we know he knows.

He believes so strongly, in two things that could not be more mutually exclusive, and it's so fascinating. There's a lot of growth in that regard over the course of the series, we know that by the end of season 2 when he's talking to the Metatron, he is very clear in stating that his priority and his loyalty lie with Crowley, not with heaven. And I hold firm to my belief that he is going to Heaven because That's The Right Thing To Do, because he believes he can Make Things Better, for everybody, yes, but most importantly for Crowley. For the two of them!!

And YET. AND YET "you're the bad guys" somehow comes out of his mouth, when Crowley has Never really been a part of hell, and has always wanted to do the right thing for as long as Aziraphale has known him, and has been free of hell for Years now.

Still, Crowley is a Demon, and Demons Are Evil, angels and demons are hereditary enemies, right?

Except.... it's a little different when it's someone you know, isn't it?

#good omens #good omens 2 #meta #or rather just me rambling a lot really #I feel like i put all this into words So Badly i'm not sure my point comes across #tbh i dont know if there is a point #i'm just so FASCINATED WITH HIS MIND #I feel like I understand Crowley so so so well #his every move makes perfect sense to me always #but with Aziraphale #I feel like I understand him for the most part but then sometimes he has moments that make me go???? #WHAT was his thought process here #i just want to KNOW #i want to have an alcoholic breakfast at the ritz with michael sheen and just talk about Aziraphale tbh #okay whoops more rambling in the tags #let's tag this as #mine

[slutmeowtt]

16 going on 26

@ceganbingo for feminization :p

#cegan #ceganbingo #cegan bingo #Okay first art post on here #no bg because they are hard and im lazy #Anyway my thought process here was that Carl is far too young for what he's going through #and while Negan's wives may have a more mature image with their black dresses #I feel like Carl's youth being fetishized in different ways is interesting and not touched on enough #Rick wants him to remain young and unaffected as a beacon of hope in the new world #Negan is attracted to his youth almost with an interest to squander it... something something white sundress #anyway with that said CEGANERS AND GRIMESCESTERS IF U WANT A FANFIC COVER HMU #Even if you don't know me or never interacted w me I want to make cegan/grimescest art #read: FREE ART. if it really eats you up inside you can tip me #i know the bingo is going on rn i want to elevate u #slutmeowtt

[atissi]

did you know you can draw whatever you want. its crazy

#i drew this right before finals and i was so desperate to finish it because i thought it looked amazing #and in the process i completely fucked up the lower body #and i was like oh okay thats fine ill just fix it when i have more time #then proceeded to not work on any of my essays because i was So Sure i could fix it #i was like yes of course. if i get Another reference picture surely this will make everything more clear. #now i just overworked it to the degree i cant tell why it looks wrong anymore. i learned a lesson here #never push your comfort zone. never draw crop tops. never draw 20 versions of something just give up at the 3rd #but i liked the colours so its getting posted anyways #my art #my ocs #<-- i guess

[skitskatdacat63]

Orb...

+ process kinda

#istg lineart is just a horrible terrible thing LOL #i sketch and it goes very well and i am very happy and i feel very creative!!! #i have to do lineart and it makes me want to give up the piece ..... #i get to paint and im like omg i could do this for hours !!! this is so fun !!!!!! #thus: orb #im very happy w it so thats why im posting #idk how long the actual piece is gonna take so might as well post a little sneak peak ig #lmfao i gave up on the crown bcs it was too complicated and then drew this. maybe the crown will come back. prob not #im surprised w the process of this. i usually struggle a lot w accurately referencing real life things #and i usually end up tracing them just to understand how the form works #and god ive drawn so many complicated things for this piece and havent had to trace at all???? okay????? #i mean ofc its not entirely accurate bcs the craftsmanship on the original orb is actually insane #but i think ive got it down p well :) #ill have to try to make the gold look a bit better at some point later on but for now its !!! #i like how half my art i post here is either chibis #or just the most brainrot intense historically detailed shit ever #yes no one i talk to probably knows what a globus cruciger is but GOD DAMN IT IM GONNA DRAW IT ACCURATELY #had this thought ^ when i looked at my top posts and my last post was those nando chibis #and then after a week of not drawing after that im like yeah let me draw several imperial relics #catie.art.

[sparring-spirals]

thinking about this excellent post by @nothingwithdignity , and this excellent post by @pocketgalaxies, and chewing through my walls thinking about the distinctions of giving in and giving up and letting go. and about control, even the dregs of it, up until the last bitter second.

Imogen is holding onto so much, so tightly. Imogen is white knuckling it through so much of her life. I've joked about her getting ruthless and terrifying in battles, about destressing and decompressing but- even at her most furious, even pressing buttons and blinded by adrenaline. Imogen has always been choosing, whenever she can.

She couldn't control the nightmares, she couldn't control the voices, she couldn't control getting the powers at all. She can't even control the way fear and love and rage bubble up inside of her.

But she can choose- when to use her powers and abilities. And who to use them on. When things get dicey, she chooses- coldly, quickly, smoothly, a little handful of control in a raging storm.

And then that fucking battle-

In order, the degradation of control, the degradation of choice. Is devastating.

Trying to run. Trying to fight. Trying to kill. Trying to negotiate.

Trying to give up.

Trying to give up.

A losing choice is still a choice you make. Imogen could not demand her friends safety in exchange for herself. (She was still trying to demand it. She was still trying, so hard, to force it, force anything. Grasping at straws. Grasping at a semblance of control.)

Otohan says, "Is she your favorite?" and Imogen-

(Grasping. Scrabbling hands, bloodied fingertips, anything, ANYTHING-)

"I'll go with you! I give in!" And Imogen smiles, like she's still trying to charm, like it will sweeten the deal. Like there's a deal at all. "Please don't hurt her."

(A losing deal is still a deal. Offering yourself is distinct from being taken.)

"Ah but see, you don't just choose to give in. You let go, when the moment's right."

(To be nitpicky: Giving in implies some control over the outcome. Letting go-)

Laudna falls. (To be nitpicky: Otohan kills her.)

Imogen doesn't let go. Imogen doesn't let go. Imogen has been trying, for at least three rounds, with increasing desperation, to give in, to give up, to let go, compromising and compromising and getting laid bare and letting rope run out of her hands. But it hasn't run out, yet. She's still holding on, to something, anything, hands painted in blood. Its not all hers.

Imogen doesn't let go. She fails a save. The storm takes her. The storm takes her. The storm takes her.

(There is a difference between letting go, and losing your grip.)

What does it mean- what does it mean- when you have everything to lose, when you have lost everything-

and you still, can't quite, let go.

What does that make you?

#i swear i was going to answer asks and write meta about other BH members and i tripped and this fell out instead #critical role #cr spoilers #c3e33 #imogen temult #imogen meta #character meta #my meta #speculation #? #otohan thull #i think my brain is protecting me from processing orym and fearne by throwing increasingly unhinged imogen meta at me #anyway. its about control its about pedantic definitions and hairs-width distinctions and also its about hand imagery #apparently. #if anyone reads this and is like 'why is this so dramatic. stop that.' know that i said the same thing to myself. but we're still here #i added a readmore bc uh. this is a bit longer than i thought it was. #i promise im good on imogen meta for a bit after this. probably. #okay im looking at this later and i think it kind of tips into #fic #fanfic #territory #so ill tag it that way #my fic #🤔

[arklay]

MR. & MRS. WESKER 🤍

i was able to commission the lovely @rcehb-art on twitter for this piece of diana and wesker during their strange after-the-fact reception for their very private wedding. i am just so in love with this and how it turned out, and i can't thank rc enough !! she is so kind and amazing to work with and i can't recommend her enough if you're looking to commission artwork ♡

#commissions. #oc: diana #pair: ewskers #or should i say drs. albert & diana wesker 🖤 #i literally haven't stopped staring at this since receiving the final product !! & just the whole process was so much fun & i loved seeing #it all come together 🥺 i'm just aaaaaa i adore this sm !!! also okay i think i have talked about this on here before but these two didn't #actually have like a ''wedding'' but they eloped then a bit after that alex & the birkins found out they had gotten married without telling #anyone (they knew they were engaged but yeah there were no wedding talks so to speak) so then they sort of pushed them to have some sort of #reception at least & celebrate things kinda...like they thought he would've made a big deal out of things but these two aren't all that #fussed with the idea of weddings or marriage in general (there's a lot of lore here i swear. especially on diana's part like some of you #know) so they were very private about it all !! but yes here you can see them gossiping & talking shit about umbrella employees 🤭 #also this goes without saying but pls don't use or touch this at all as it's a commission & diana is my oc !! i didn't think i would need to #say that but precautions now after things that have happened on here & unfortunately made me less active...diana is very very special to me #so yeah :] and ofc never repost art that isn't yours !! that being said please go & support rc !!! she's amazing & all of her art is so so #gorgeous & she's just the absolute sweetest & a beloved mutual of mine 🤍🤍

[jacksprostate]

this will be unpopular probably but idk i've been called slurs a time or two and it's personally uncomfortable to see... obviously do as you please in general but when interacting with me or my posts i'd really prefer if yall didn't casually use fag, etc in place of gay and stuff 👍

#gently draws a boundary #it feels like its become hashtag cool to call people fag and fruit and fruity without considering that people may be uncomfortable with it.. #i understand the phenomenon of reclamation but thats an opt in process. it shouldnt be opt out #ive written slurs into my fics like once or twice and its solely because i couldnt imagine it any other way lol but for me its just very not #a casual thing. #obviously this is one post #and it feels silly to pin #and even then i dont expect people to look at my blog before interacting or anything #but if you happen to come here often i would appreciate it 😔 #also i realized my tags imply people have called me directly that stuff and fortunately not #but its a bit. unnerving to see people reblogging my stuff and saying that two dudes are fags or fruits or fairies or queers (this one #is highly controversial lmaooo i know okay but literally as a noun. it makes me think of my dad telling me about how he used to play smear #the queer but dw he loves me !!! 😬) #anyway seeing people say that two dudes are soooo those. is a bit unsettling for me. it's often one to one with how homophobic people say it #i understand that's not intentional on yall's parts! obviously #lol #but its never going to be something that doesnt make me uncomfortable. and i thought id just say something because tbh it feels weird not to #so i would appreciate if you would be considerate of it #again like. on my blog. talking to me or on my posts. i don't expect any claim to how yall act elsewhere

[daz4i]

how and why is there discourse about whether or not certain queer identities exist/if people should be allowed(???) to use them. why is "people know their own identity better than you ever could, and they're the only one who get a say on what they are" such a tough concept to grasp

i think if you find yourself offended by the label someone uses (especially if they're a stranger) or think it invalidates your own, it's a good idea to look inside yourself and question why that may be. more often than not, it's a result of insecurity or uncertainty of your own identity (or many other things, but i won't make a whole list here). whatever reason it is, until you resolve it, you shouldn't take it out on people for having an identity you don't understand

many have said it before but it's worth saying over and over. infighting only helps our oppressors. conservatives don't care if you're a cis gay or a xenogender aegosexual aplatonic lesbian, they hate all of us either way. trying to fit in by going for people who are easier targets for them isn't gonna help you, it'll just alienate you from your own community, and you're never gonna please them. the momentary rush you get from hearing you're not like "one of /those/ gay people" is not worth it and is gonna do more harm in the long run, i assure you

also, it is important to me to say this, but having some less than nice kneejerk reaction caused by confusion about an identity you don't understand doesn't mean you're a bad person or anything. as long as you aren't mean to that person, and you take a second to think smth along the lines of "wait a minute, this isn't any of my business" after having said reaction, you're good 👍 a lot of reflexive reactions we have to things are ingrained into us simply by. well. living in a society 🤡 and you're not terrible for having those thoughts. it's your actions that matter, and your second thought (the "wait, why did i just think that?") is more defining of your actual character and morals than your reflex. i know that having thoughts like this, even tho they're unwanted, can very easily make one spiral, so it's important to me that whoever needs to hear this knows this doesn't make you a bad person 🙏 you're good, keep taking actions to be good, accept other people even if you don't understand them, and you're on the right track :)

#i considered adding that last part in the tags but i figured it'll be too long for that 😭 #i noticed i'm posting a lot of rants lately. sorry. but i do wanna make sure no one's actually feeling bad over them #if i complain about something that you do or call it mean and such. that doesn't make you a bad person #you can always work to change and grow 👍 it's not easy but it starts with smaller steps than you'd expect #and now i just switched to a whole other topic from my original point. oops #i do firmly believe that any discourse about someone's identity is dumb as fuck #seeing it in poll blogs always makes me 😐😬 like how is it any business for any of us. why is this up for debate #if a person says they're queer then they are. they don't need to pass some test or go through initiation to be accepted #if they feel comfortable with a certain word that's awesome. why does it matter to *you* which word they use #'they're only using this microlabel to feel special' so? is there anything wrong with that? #'this label contradicts [insert other identity that falls under the same umbrella]' ok. but does that hurt anyone in any way #a lot of identities can even be self contradictory. does it matter tho? does it affect anyone in any way? #'they might realize that label is wrong later' again. what's the harm in that. #i don't blame anyone for these thoughts bc like. this is how cishets view a lot of the even more common labels #so you're basically taught to think this way from day one. that doesn't mean you need to stick to that thought process #you might have these reflexes forever no matter how hard you try. but you'll get quicker about moving on from them #but you do have to try. you do have to realize that other people's identities aren't about you #anyway. this post feels like batting at a hornets nest. really hope i don't get some bad faith readers here lol #(i noticed a lot of places one could apply bad faith but like it's 3:30 am i'm too tired to add this many disclaimer. #so i'm gonna trust you to not jump to conclusions and to approach this in good faith okay? mwah 🖤) #also my whole ramble abt morality (in the tags too) is relevant to. any topic really #i may just make a separate post about it really. .....tomorrow tho.

[steorransaluki]

getting emotional about. leather.

#talking #nonsense tags go: #I'm looking at this side I'm working with and... it's covered in fat wrinkles #which. sure. some leatherworkers only want a clean hide #but so so many others go bonkers over these wrinkles. #they go bonkers over range marks and brands and other examples of life; lived. #this is giving me two thoughts in particular as I sit here with my headache coming back having to stop progress for the day #1: these marks are so desirable to a lot of people. wrinkles. brands. scars. “flaws”. #I just... can't help but connect that to myself. my scars. my stretch marks. my flaws and imperfections. #skin is natural and that is not just okay. it is desirable. #2: you really can't escape the fact that leather is skin when you're looking at a whole side. #I can see this cow's shoulder. I can see their belly. their spine. the cuts made to their skin to process this into something I can use. #I love you cow. I can see you now in my living room. I can see your life. #I love you. thank you. may I do right by your life. may I use your skin to the best of my ability. #I love you goats. I love you pigs. I love you deer. I love you snakes and lizards and buffalo. I love you all

[ereborne]

✨⚡️ Seven(ish) Sentence Sunday ⚡️✨

Tagged by @acountrygirlsfun (a couple times by now, though not actually this most recent time, but I figure it still counts!) Thank you, Caitlin <3 <3 <3

Helix took a deep breath in, counted four flashes of the desperate direct-@ lights coming in from his side chat panels, and breathed out.  His voice came out steady, and miraculously casual.  "We understand why you did it. You were trying to keep our brothers safe." He watched Harp's eyes go wide at the 'our' brothers. Like he hadn't expected the rest of them to claim the Corries. Because he'd been hiding from them just like from the longnecks, he had falsified his— Deep breath in. Two flashes, no time for longer, leave no silence for Harp to panic in.  Breathe out. Keep going. 

This is not seven sentences, but it's also largely not complete sentences anyway, and it is literally what I just seconds ago finished writing. Still counts!

No-pressure tagging uhhh @ialpiriel, @goingsparebutwithprecision, @anaclastic-azurite, anybody else who might want to play?

#tagged by #acountrygirlsfun #I should be taking a shower and going to sleep but this scene isn't clicking so rather than getting frustrated I'm posting it here #I will have to go back through in my rewrites later and make sure everyone doesn't have their breakdowns in the same way #I do a bit better when the characters are speaking out loud #but for internal thought processes I tend to end up with them all sounding suspiciously similar to my own. whoops #anyway this is more of the good data management AU! we've just learned that the Corrie Guards Are Not Okay #and now most everybody else is also Not Okay! we're having bad times today folks #in the story I mean. I had a fine day! #and though it is emotionally fraught and currently fighting me I am still very happy to be getting back to my beloved Guard #Harp's a medic OC and I adore him and he and the Guard he's trying so hard to take care of really deserve a break #and now their brothers are a little more aware (seriously they have only just nicked the tippest bit of iceberg) of how not okay they are #a break they shall shortly receive!! #(it's gonna come with a double helping of Bother so they won't be very grateful. but they will be better rested and that's what matters)

[rivilu]

Important things to teach your runaway mages pt2: Hand-to-hand basics.

#dragon age #dragon age fan art #dragon age awakening #anders dragon age #warden mahariel #riverdraws #okay I have three things to note about this one #To start: obv hand to hand is important because #mages never know it jfgdfg #which is something the templars rely on HEAVILY #and this is a bit of a personal headcannon but I picture templars on average to be kind of terrible fighters #like your average tavern dwelling mercenary could probably beat a templar in a fight #circle mages however rely so much on magic that when one has the tools to disarm them they are pretty much guaranteed victory regardless #But this means they would never expect a mage would actually be able to retaliate #and any opening to magic blockage is quite enough to melt a templar inside their armor #Thats Orions point of view anyhow SMOOTH SEGWAY TO POINT TWO #speaking of My Boy #you might notice his awakening design involves some gnarly ass scars #basically my thought process was what if killing archdemon equals inverse lichtenberg figures bc current is from below #and just went with that fdjgg yeah old god souls arent lightning but im not being a stickler for realism here jgnngffd #rn they cover a lot of his body but only one small bit of one side of his face #though I might change my mind and go more bonkers with it down the line #and point three is that yeah hes lying through his teeth #Anders is like 2 seconds away from falling backwards on his ass fghghjdhf commander just knows positive reinforcement is important #and secret fourth point slash fun fact: I completely bullshited these poses #Pulled them right out mine own ass because I couldnt for the life of me find a decent reference hdfgjfg #ok that's it im going back to coloring the rest ehehe

[shaniacsboogara]

hey watcherinas!!! having a bit of a mental health time so i think i'm gonna try to step back from tumblr for a bit (by a bit i probably just mean tomorrow but i just wanted to let you know lol) <3

#average boog post #just think i'm getting overstimulated and thinking about tumblr too much isn't helping that so i think i need a little breather #sdndnd sunday is STILL ON!!! #dw ill still be here just maybe not as much (and maybe not at all tomorrow idk i think i need a social media break) #that and some time to just BE without feeling like i need to constantly be creating and posting #i know a lot of what i do here is post silly jokes but i do put pressure on myself to make em good enough so... yeah #just unlearning my anxious / perfectionistic behaviors and thought processes and trying to find healthier ways to deal with things #love you all you mean the world to me #i think i just need to focus less on boog for a minute and more on... #REDACTED #HA YOU THOUGHT A NAME REVEAL WAS COMING DIDN'T YOU #PSYCH #okay but in all seriousness thanks for reading this if you did <3

[syxnewt]

my parents want my little brother, who has had a fever no lower than 100 F for the past 2-3 days, to go to school tomorrow

#status update #i'm gonna try and tell them why that's stupid #they took him to the doctor but the doc just said he had a cold #well I'm concerned with how badly his body is fighting it off!!! #plus they didn't give him any medicine all day #i gave him some before I left for work and after I got home #his fever is still 102 #i don't understand their thought process whatsoever #like yeah school is imoortant but so is #A: not spreading illness!!!!!! #B: actually being able to focus in class because you feel good and not like shit #he even said that he'll probably be sent home anyway BECAUSE HE'S SICK #the issue I think is mainly he doesn't have a lot of symptoms #he said his throat felt “gummy” which no one - not even himself - can make heads or tails of #his stomach hurts and he threw up pretty recently #and his vision dimmed a few times but my mom doesn't really believe that one #I tried looking up the symptoms but it just said “eat a turkey sandwich” so thanks for that google #I don't know #i'm just worried about him #and I think it's stupid my parents want him to go to school when even by their standards he has such a bad fever #by the standards bit I mean they consider 100 F to be “low grade” even though 104 is danger territory #and that's just a hop skip and a jump away #AND ALSO HE IS LITERALLY ON THE PRECIPICE OF THAT RIGHT NOW #AND THEY DIDNT GIVE HIM ANY TYLENOL #he was home all day what did they even do #they also didn't give him medicine yesterday until I got home from my ap test #OKAY I'm done ranting I'll be here all night if I keep it up

[unopenablebox]

jesus fucking christ it's good to have a contract though

#i was having trouble feeling excited about it bc my immediately subsequent job was to field emails from people with technical questions #but in fact. it's good to have a contract #~$85/yr dental insurance! a vision plan that is only worth it in glasses-purchasing years but at least is worth it then‚ and exists now! #if you get trapped in University HR Department Harassment Investigation Hell for more than 6 months you can just go straight to arbitration #if you're working with chronic hazard exposure they have to give you regular hazard-specific preventive care! #every J1/F1 worker just gets $1200! because immigration is fucking miserable! #there is now a review process meant to prevent people from getting fired because they 'failed their prelims' in cases where that is #overtly a fig leaf for either 'advisor got bored of your project' or 'you are a woman in a mechanical engineering lab' #and while that one's not grievable for complicated reasons we DO get to put grad workers on the review board. #anyway. um. i think i did an okay job at my negotiations job‚ overall. is my main thought here #box opener

[cuteniaarts]

Fanny, my sweet, beautiful girl

17.11.2012 – 14.04.2019

#my art #artists on tumblr #I cannot accept that it has been 5 years already #I know covid messed with everyone’s sense of time but it simultaneously feels so much longer and so much shorter than that #exactly five years ago I was holding onto my mom for dear life and sobbing as we watched lilo and stitch together #not the best movie to watch when you’ve just lost your first ever pet you know #and then I cried myself to sleep at the next morning we never mentioned her again #I know it’s because it was way too painful for everyone involved. but I do wish I was allowed to process that grief properly #instead of bottling it up and pretending everything was okay until I was reminded of her #feeling like my heart was being shattered over and over again every single time #well anyway. enough of that. I’ve allowed myself a nice long cry today and got most of it out of my system #and once I was feeling okay I decided to draw her #and I can count the number of times I’ve drawn animals on one hand so.. I’m not too sure about the result #but it felt like to commemorate her in some way. #so yeah. here she is. my dear girl. the best dog in existence. she was always so affectionate and kind #which I didn’t always appreciate bc of how young I was. when you’re a kid it feels like pets will live forever #never barked. never bit anyone. her only crime was chewing on my mlp and lps toys that I left out on the floor #but I’m grateful she did that. it taught me not to leave my toys lying around and to clean up after myself #she really was taken from me way too soon. ideally she could still be alive right now. but I’ve been down the road of guilt and regret #there was nothing I could do. I was a child. I can only hope that she knew she was loved right until the very end #even if I didn’t know how to show it properly. and great. now I’m tearing up again #I suppose it’s unavoidable. April 12th will always be a melancholy day. and maybe that’s not such a bad thing #it’s good to have a day when I can freely remember her and cry if I need to. it’s healthy. it’s better than crying every day #she never liked it much when I cried. always tried to comfort me. that’s the kind of dog she was. I miss her so much #when I move apartments and get a dog of my own I’m getting a spaniel. just like she was #well. maybe a different colour so I don’t end up sobbing every time I look at it. but spaniels really are the perfect breed #I mean. cavaliers especially were bred for love and warmth. that’s just what I need. it will be nice to have someone waiting for me at home #and while I don’t necessarily believe in the afterlife… I do hope that Fanny’s watching over me #spiritually comforting me when I feel all alone in the world. it’s a nice thought for sure #and hopefully she won’t mind me getting another spaniel too much. it will be done in her honour after all. to make up for my past mistakes