#or at least stop getting worse maybe

[erytherion]

Reading the webtoon and…

Does this imply that Kim Dokja also tried to write a questionnaire for her to fill in since she wouldn’t speak to him, that either he 1) never gave her in the end (especially if he couldn’t find her after she was released) or 2) gave it to her and she STILL refused to answer?

Because that is so so so so awful. It was already bad but if he tried so many ways to get her to speak and she still gave him no response, regardless of her reasoning… isn’t that still directly choosing to cut herself fully out of his life? Why in the hell did she lie for his sake and allow him to visit her if she wanted to never speak to him again?

I know everyone claims Kim Dokja is just like her in sacrificing himself for loved ones, but at least he tries his best to stay with them and to keep them in his life. He still chooses sacrifice, but it’s not because he intends to never return. He always returns (even if much later than planned).

The only time this differs is with 51%, when he STILL tried his best to stay with them - at least as much as he could.

I sometimes like Lee Sookyung, but I am mostly still SO mad at her for completely ignoring her child since he was 8 years old. Especially when he must have looked like shit any number of times from being mistreated and bullied by family, friends, army, employers.

But maybe that’s just the fragment in me being eternally pissed with her. She DOES love him, but like he says in the webtoon in this chapter - maybe such truths are painful enough to be false anyways, because they’re just SUCH bullshit. That’s not how affection should work, if you actually care about someone and want them to be happy.

#RAWWRGHHH I WANT TO SHAKE HER SO MUCH #LOOK AFTER YOUR KID #and if you can’t do that because of circumstances at least ACKNOWLEDGE HIM #yes I do know she cared and it’s just that she mistakenly believes he’s better off this way without her but like #then WHY does she still insert herself back into his life when he’s finally stopped trying to get her to speak? #yes yes others have great analyses on her and their relationship and I usually agree with their logic but it’s still. So. Hard. to like her #but then I remember that this story was the little Dream’s wishful thinking to cope back then on his own #and so maybe in his world Lee Sookyung never ever would speak to him again #he just wished she would so he wrote it down as happening for This older version of him #and that’s somehow worse because like #even in the story where he got her to speak to him again she still won’t speak so he has to force the words out some way (via outer god) #and if that’s true then it’s still just his interpretation of her actions and choices #and not her own since she never told him #so like ARGGHHH #but I like to believe that characters have autonomy despite their respective author’s efforts in documenting them #so she still chose to speak all of this too and he would have accurately interpreted her this way because she controls what she says #even if he (little Dream Kim Dokja) is the one writing it down as wish fulfilment fix-it fic #a fix-it for himself and not just for the other people he loves #😭😭😭 #orv #orv spoilers #omniscient reader’s viewpoint #lee sookyung #kim dokja

[icewindandboringhorror]

a boye whom'st loves to attack paper balls

#cats #nhgnhmmm.. yommy... paper favorite food #(I do not actually let him eat paper) #ALSO I'm still working on doing the poll adventure thing I've just had a lot going on. as usual. It's actually harder than #I initially thought to regularly find time to do a quick ms paint sketch and a small writing blurb #it's like even though it doesn't take extremely long it's still one of those things that is hard to carve out a little portion of the day #to do if your day is set up in a way not conducive to portion carving #BUT .. at least I have posted many drafts #as usual.. my style of like.. post nothing for 3 weeks then randomly post 25 things at once #NO idea why my brain works that way. it just does. it's easier #even though I know it's worse in terms of like. social media #the algorithms in most places prefer consistent steady uploads over time. not jarringly wavering between absence and hyper presence #then absence again. but .. alas... #Good to clear out a few drafts once in a while anyway. And I do really want to get back to scullptures and costumes. I stopped as much for #a while due to the pandemic (can't go to the bins anymore to get new supplies for costumes and stuff) as well as my worsened #health things/lack of energy and also my chest injury (so repetitive movements with my arms such as sitting in the same #position sculpting for 4 hours or changing clothes multiple times in quick succession etc. could flare it up) but obviously #none of those things are going to get better any time soon. so I should probably just try to do it here and there anyway. It's still not #safe to go to the bins. still having muscle problems. still low energy. But I could make it work maybe. I just feel bad having gotten out #of the habit when it is really fun stuff that I enjoy. Some things just get more difficult for me over time #But even like 3 sculptures and 10 costumes a year is better than 0 of any of those things. So. eh #I'm also just trying to clear out pictures still. My spring cleaning (which I do at the start of every new year instead of actual spring) #was kind of delayed this year due to me feeling sick and everything so even late into april I'm still working on the side at like orgnazing #all of the files on my computer. deleting things and backing up whatever I want to keep. clearing out photos. #editing and drafting (and maybe one day posting) old stuff form a while ago. etc. etc. #So any progress is good progress. I suppose. #ANYWAY.... a son... he gets very excited everytime he hears anyone anywhere crinkle up a piece of paper

[septimus-heap]

Thinking abt the time travel fix it fic I have spinning around in my head. Unfortunately for it to work I have to kill off basically every single character of importance which is all well and good it just feels kind of brutal

#sep talks #septimus heap #like basically all the heap brothers die in mysterious accidents. Right up to the last couple who r just obviously shot #jenna dies in almost the same way her mother did. In the throne room and marcia and septimus r there and an assassin shows up #silas+sarah also. Why?? Idk maybe it's a birthday. Maybe it's bc they're trying to figure out how to keep septimus safe bc logically #he's next. But anyway this assassin is a little sneakier than the one that shot alther. No one sees them until the last second #sarah takes a bullet for jenna. It doesn't help bc jenna gets shot anyway a second later. Marcias in a panic trying to #get silas+septimus away. Silas refuses to leave bc he's basically lost everyone he loves most #he tells marcia he'll deal with the assassin when her shield goes down. And so she practically drags septimus away so at least she can #keep him safe #and. Bc there's no queen anymore. DD takes over. Marcia still has the amulet but they have no real way to get rid of dd #marcia very nearly ends up back in dn1 at one point. Like literally standing on the edge abt to fall #they keep trying to fix things but they just. Can't. Ppl end up seeing marcia as like. Not necessarily the eow who Failed #but she couldn't stop him from showing up so what could she possibly do now #it's more pity than blame and honestly to marcia that's worse #ppl keep dying and it's so much worse than when the custodian was in charge #and anyway yeah that's what makes marcia+septimus go for the house of foryx

[toytulini]

would be cool this yr to do like first aid training maybe?

#toy txt post #hope i can. get an opportunity to do that. not sure when. the horrors and inability to commit to things u see #but i think i should do that #at some point. altho i feel like i will almost certainly have to do CPR training? and like. like it seems like useful knowledge. and like. #i should know it and maybe im the worst person in existence for this but im a bit of a germaphobe and scared of covid and im not taking my #mask off so like. feels like. that is pretty mutually exclusive with CPR unless thereve been advancements im not aware of? #like would i be able to carry around some sort of billows but for human lungs to do that instead of my mouth? idk. this has in fact been #a legitimate hurdle to me wanting to pursue first aid training. sorry. genuinely dont know how to reconcile that and maybe! in a crisis #situation id overcome it to save a person. genuinely do not know. sorry im like a selfish horrible bitch tho and i cant see myself #doing CPR and am icked by the idea of even learning it. i know now they make those things to put on someones mouth but its still like. #that doesnt do anything against respiratory shit...idk. like is it worse to not pursue any of this at all to avoid the ethical quandry of #not wanting to deal with CPR even as a concept bc im a stupid baby squicked out by lip touching? or is it worse to do first aid and learn #like everything except CPR so i could still theoretically help in some cases that arent necessarily CPR. idk. im sure im just a Bad Person #for this and hate to even admit it. i think i should at least try to find a stop the bleed course or smth ig

[risingsunresistance]

#i cant remember if it was today or not tbh but i know it was soon and i remember the 30th being rlly bad for me #i cant just. click on the video and check #eh whatever. i made it a year in my eyes #i cant believe i did tbh so much has happened #i talked a bit about some of it here and there but. MY GOD THIS HAS BEEN A HARD YEAR. #and it'll only get worse the grind never stops 💥💥💥 #at least i hit 240 in skyblock... yippee...... #i got another shiny applin yesterday. redid it to make it have the quirky nature #got it in like 20 eggs. named it HarV AppL of course #chat #grief cw #i wanna keep talking but this doesnt rlly feel like the place to do it lol #i should find a new therapist now that im not on campus maybe 🧍‍♂️

[unityrain24]

is tumblr stealing my information SPECIFICALLY so they can attempt to trigger me

#“OBSESSIVE CAT DISORDER”???! #STOP MAKING MY DEBILITATING MENTAL ILLNESS A FUCKING JOKE #all mental illness (and physical disabilities) have stigma but out of all the ones i have the stigma for ocd is the worst.... #if i saw someone wearing that shirt i would implode. or explode. or maybe both #also it remind me of that post of the girl w/ ocd finding a shirt like that in target (“obsessive christmas disorder” w/ a gingerbread man) #and she posted a picture of it and talked about how it perpetuated stigma/how it was hurtful and even angering #and then some guy who was an amputee posted a response with a a shirt that had a gingerbread man with a snapped leg and talked about #how sensitive/stupid she was being etc #(i think that's how it went at least) #and it was just... so enraging and made me feel so like.. helpless #i'm not saying amputees don't face any stigma #but at the very least the stigma surrounding ocd and amputation are VERY VERY different #i WANT to say the stigma around ocd is much worse but i don't feel like i can say that bc i'm not an amputee #i just. #that girl was not being “sensitive” or “playing victim” or “looking for things to get mad at” #she had every right to take offense to that #she had every right to say people should stop #ocd #actually ocd #obsessive compulsive disorder #rant #rant in tags #vent #vent in tags #unityrain.txt #no image id #no id #no image description

[sherlock-is-ace]

.

#i had such a horrible melt down today... god i just need this week to be over! #i burst several blood vessels around my eyes temple and nose from crying too hard and for trying to do it in silence #and i also figured out that my big smart plan of hitting myself in the head as to not leave marks nor break things doesn't work #because i now have a fucking BRUISE ON MT FOREHEAD #goddamnit #i can hide it with hair but i really need to find a different way to cope... #i used to throw shit around but years of being screamed at for breaking toys or whatever i had in my hand at the moment has forced me to #turn the destruction upon myself #cause at least i'm not breaking shit other people paid for #but damn my head still hurts and now i have to hide the stupid red spots in my hairline #if my mom finds out she will most likely kill me ahnfjsng (not really she will just scream at me and call me stupid for hurting myself #which in turn will make me hurt myself more probably...) #it's a hard thing to admit i self harm. and i never really thought of it like that but it's getting worse so i need to stop #it started with scratching myself when i was too anxious and it turned into full blown out meltdowns... #i had to fight the urge to hit my head on the wall which is scary #like it took all of my willpower and the realization that people would hear me and maybe i would draw blood which would be harder to hide #that's what made me not do it... not the fact that self harming is bad and doesn't help... #like that's a scary thought to have... #i can think about it rationally NOW but in the middle of the mess? nope hitting is the only solution #i'm exhausted and so fucking embarrassed about it #i hate living with my messed up brain #i have to leave the house tomorrow... and because i mask still the only thing vissible will be my fucked up eyes with red dots around them.. #that's gonna be fucking embarrassing as hell?! #not worse than when i gabe myself a black eye tho #that wasn't self harm that was just me fainting when sick and falling face first to the floor lol #anyways... i'm off to bed i just needed to vent ahfnsjf i'm fine now #and i'm gonna do my best to find better coping mechanisms i promise #angel talks #personal #tw self harm

[oscill4te]

I know journaling is helpful esp if you have memory problems, i always avoid looking back at my journals honestly. but damn.. Reading my 2022 shits been so painful.

2023 genuinely was a much better year even if did spend much of it cooped inside my room, looking at a screen. Hoping for an even better 2024. I know its only October but hey. Im always jumping ahead a few months mentally. It may as well be winter already as far as Im concerned. I want to get this winter over with. I feel very hopeful for 2024 for some reason

#2023 is good its just a very hazy blur. i was thinking not using weed would help but nah. ive always been like this #weed didnt make my memory worse its always been shit it seems #reading these entries like “when did that even happen..?” #there are a lot of things in my life I want to change #im just glad i stopped using weed. looking at my 2022 experiences is kind of... making me feel compassion :( #weed dependency + risky sx was my escapism go-to in 2022 and now in 2023 it is cartoons and loud music #i think its safe to say i am gettint better. im learning to appreciate life again without being high. i got out of an abusive relationship #im focusing on me. maybe to a very unhealthy degree. but im doing things that make me happy when i can. im cooking amazing food #im drawing a lot. increasing communication w alters. working on how to handle my cptsd. im getting better even if it #doesnt look like it #self indulgent but i think i will be happy looking back on this one day. to future E; you got this #and hopefully u won't be doomscrolling in 2024 but even if you are. its so very understandable. lol #only today am i realizing after rereading old diary entries... im genuinely more stable even if it does not look like it #the amount of dissociation it takes for me to stay stable is sad though. id it even genuine stability at that point? im not sure #but im keeping afloat financially. homewise. at work. even if i feel like life is ripping me at the seams sometimes #but who doesn't feel like that #i think its safe to say i am reaching some type of stability. even if it easily crumbles apart. at least it is there.. #txt

[arthur-r]

song of the week or something like that

#dw i’m actively walking to the bus stop for class i’m not procrastinating just being a weirdo walking with my phone #guys i haven’t even written my new declension chart ONCE. i have never written it on a piece of paper #we get to pick one test per semester that doesn’t count so this will probably be my one #which sucks cause i had a 31/40 that i wanted to use that for. but i think this one is gonna be significantly worse #not my fault that i’m failing my other classes and neglected this one. except for it literally is my fault #anyway growing up was never part of the plan (/ly) what the heck do i do now!!!! #chase petra has been single-handedly pushing me through this week #also — i was supposed to go to the happy fits this week but i said no no no i have to go to school #here i am skipping school anyway!!!! out of town anyway!!!! i could have made a detour on the way #but whatever. they aren’t even the same band anymore. it’s like when casey shea was in tally hall but 2/3 of the band is replaced #so it would be a very strange experience. anyway i’m at the bus stop now and waiting #okay the bus is here. i have to learn my stupid demonstrative pronouns and i just. never got around to it #idk. wish me luck. maybe i’ll ace it or something. at least we’re also conjugating facere…. #hope everyone has a good morning and i’ll be back at 12pm central once i’ve safely boarded the bus home #me. my post. mine. #delete later (probably)

[racke7]

So, a long while back I found an author with some interesting world-building ideas. They'd maybe slip into "crack"-territory a bit too often for me to recommend it, but like... I didn't really mind it that much? And they'd written a LOT, so I was running high on that "fics to read"-energy.

Then, a few weeks ago, I came across a scene and-... And it made me start thinking about "the underlying values" of the author. Not in the sense of "they're secretly a Republican" (thank god), but in the sense of an (in hindsight) hilariously blatant feeling of heteronormativity.

Yeah, they didn't write X character as gay, but that's no need to point fingers (canon doesn't call him gay, so it's fine). And okay, maybe they created a crack-ship for one of their fics that they got heavily invested in and are now reusing, but like... it's convenient for plot-reasons so knock yourself out? And maybe leaning heavily on "women are mysterious" for cracky dad-jokes is in bad taste, but it's a cracky kind of scene?

But... it just keeps coming. They've basically gone out of their way to create ships everywhere, and they're all straight? And it's constantly played as a "and they make each other better people" as if they need romance to become such. The people who aren't in relationships are being pushed to become romantically involved (because it will make them better people), and the narrative thinks that this is reasonable and well-meaning (despite the threat of a literal war at their doorstep).

Combined with some comments from the author about being very dismissive about people who don't think marriage is important, because they actually "can't get married" and are crying sour-grapes about "not wanting to get married"?

And then on top of that, the reoccurring harem-plots? Where one dude gets lots of girls, with maybe a tiny little bit of Les-Yay thrown into the mix?

It made me sit back and really look at their stories, and... it's kind of painful? Like, I was curious about their fics, and now it's just-... How can I trust them to write interesting things, if their feelings on "romance" (which often plays an integral part in their stories) is the single most boring vanilla-ass shit that I've ever encountered (from someone who wasn't an insane Republican)?

#i won't name names - but like... it's frustrating to see so much interesting world-building thrown in the trash #all bcs the author doesn't want to question their own culture and the influences it has on them. #i'm not gonna say ''gay is better'' but like... at least those ''look how gay we are lol'' aren't pushing an agenda we see EVERYWHERE ELSE #and that's kind of the important part. that they question SOMETHING about how society functions. instead of quoting hollywood-bs back at me #i still won't read them (for the same reason i avoid ''pure crack''-fics) but like plz stop making literally EVERYONE straight #plz have them go ''i could imagine falling in love - but i have a career to focus on - so maybe later'' #plz have them get into relationships that MAKE THEM WORSE. enablers and obsessions and just regularly toxic mayhem #plz have them go ''i could be straight - but i'm just gonna trans my gender first so that it becomes gay'' #plz have them be DIFFERENT from other characters in the same fic. instead of having every relationship be the same. #writing #fandom #rants #personal stuff #gender #sexuality