#points at self: DELETE THIS LATER

[peevishpants]

u kno u have a very potent crush on someone when they say the absolute most wacky-banal shit like I Have A Spreadsheet For Tracking People I've Met Because I Keep Forgetting Who They Are When I See Them Again and ur rose tinted glasses are SO thick that ur genuine response is like wow... that's the coolest thing ever :3c tilde tilde tilde sparkle emoji sparkle emoji wobbly eyes emoji heart with sparkles emoji

#they said wow i cant believe u remembered [small detail about them] #and i almost laughed out loud. HEY PAL I REMEMBER EVERYTHING i replay every single conversation in my head at least once a day #if u are reading this and u are The Person Im Talking About. log the fuck off! stop lookin at my shit! this isnt about you #delete later #points at self: DELETE THIS LATER #WHEN YOU WAKE UP FROM THIS LIGMA FUGUE STATE

[solarpunkani]

"Oh no, someone's attracted to the aesthetics of my -punk movement but doesn't know the praxis and history behind it like I do--"

OK. Tell them. Make it a teaching moment. Everyone who's in your movement learned the background from somewhere at some point, maybe this is that point for that person. Give them a jumping off point that they can dive into later.

"Oh but I shouldn't be responsible for teaching baby -punks about the history and the how-tos and--"

OK. Then don't tell them. You don't have to be responsible for teaching people with a budding interest in your group the ins and outs and how-tos. That's fair and valid! It can be a lot of work. Someone else will handle it

"But I'm annoyed that they would try to claim to be part of/be interested in my community without knowing all the details that I know after being in it for months/years/decades, they're dumb, they're posers, they're--"

OK. Then don't engage with them, if it's that bad. Maybe someone else will come around and tell them the history, maybe they'll pick it up on their own, maybe they'll just enjoy the fashion elements for awhile.

"But they shouldn't claim to be part of the -punk community if they don't know the--"

I feel like we have a few options here. People can either talk to them, share the history, share the values, share the praxis. Or they can just chase off anyone who even thinks about dipping a toe in their community, and then wonder why it's dying off later down the line.

I dunno, maybe I'm too naive and patient or whatever. But if people are entering your -punk spaces without knowing The Rundown of what you feel they need to know, maybe being nice about it and informing people instead of immediately assuming stupidity and malicious intent could help you make a new friend. Even the loudest voices in a space had to learn from somewhere, and not everyone has the luxury of being in the space as the History was Happening--whether it's an age thing or a not being aware of the space thing. Or maybe I just don't see what the big deal is behind people hating people who like the aesthetic of something and don't know the behind the scenes history about it yet.

Because I believe in the word 'yet.' No one comes into this world knowing everything about everything, and we're all constantly learning new things. I'm not gonna degrade someone and call them a poser for not knowing what I know. Because if it were me, interested in a scene but getting chased out and called a poser? I wouldn't hit the books and study up, I'd go 'that fuckin sucks, those people sucked' and then avoid anyone and anything having to do with it.

So chase people off and call them posers if you want. But if your community starts dwindling, don't be fucking shocked.

#out of queue #ani rambles #punks and posers #i cant even call this a 4am hot take because its 7pm but like #idk i keep seeing posts about like 'how DARE people think I bought my punk clothes how DARE they not know the how-tos and DIYs' #or 'ugh people only care about the ~aesthetics~ of my movement if you don't know shit get out of here' and like #maybe I'm just a shy ass introverted nerd whos scared of social rejection! but I avoid that shit like the plague #so if someone were to reject me based on not knowing about something I'd never even heard about? something i was JUST getting into? #there's a high chance I'd just scram and never look back. i don't wanna be the one who causes that emotion in someone else #granted this is coming from someone who STILL doesn't know how to make her own patches or worked up the courage to do direct action praxis #outside of offering neighbors to my tomatoes and trying to talk to people about what I'm passionate about #but still imo unless someone's a malicious intentional bad actor i dont see the point in scaring newbies off #thats how movements die imo #i know this is my solarpunk blog but its not a solarpunk specific thing #i think the main post that inspired this was about store-bought versus self-made spiked leather jackets #which honestly just feels petty to me but who knows. #might delete later

[skunkes]

#talkys #delete later #(this is a meme redraw) #ruined my life is a strong word. and of course theres lots of self blame and obvs ive probably wronged lots of people before #and i dont deserve unending torture for it. right. like part of me doesnt even actually feel ill will toward the other party #because whatever! normal human experience! #the other part is like ohhh okay you lied to and kinda used me + treated me badly then lied again to the point where i found out the truth #from another party so you didnt even have to fess up yourself and now you're back to being happy as if nothing happened #i was just a stepping stone i was just a distraction. ok! #like for real actually ok ^_^ it literally happens to ppl all the time... #<- he keeps experiencing waves of horrific sense of self worth that already wasnt Too Great as a result #ugh. and thats nobody's fault but my own right.... but idk. i cant believe it...! i cant believe someone treated me dis way #and i let it happen... and i would have let it keep happening if an end hadnt been put to it by someone else.... #but still. at the end of the day i was the only one left with these thoughts. ykwim. other party has forgotten. got happy ending. #doesnt deserve ''consequences'' but still feels horrific to see and think about. you know? #i literally got all the bad. throughout and after.

[the-desert-beast]

gonna throw my 2 cents in on this current Fandom Topic;

You cannot give in to resentful isolation. I'm serious.

Even if your last attempts went badly you have to keep trying. You have to make mistakes to learn from them. You have to find out who's worth your time and who you click with somehow, and you can only do that by Doing It Scared.

I fall into those mindsets, a lot. They suck. They're powerful and overwhelming and painful. I have to fight with myself and repeat over and over, No, you know your friends care about you. They've SAID that.

And I have to do this all the time. In minor and major ways.

Do It Scared. Try. If you feel like you've failed? Try again. There are ways to build self confidence but you have got to start with letting yourself feel confident any little way possible.

Don't give in to resentful isolation, that will only hurt you.

We all have bad brain days, weeks, or months.

Fandom will be waiting for you.

If you've started to treat fandom like a vending machine where lore/fanfic/art/screenshots go in and compliments come out, you should take a break.

#i hope i got my point across #I fought off my own resentful and self hating thoughts long enough to find friendship and community #and now whenever the thoughts come back i now have a community and friend group to lean on #I want other people to be able to find that and the first step is Trying. #you have to try you have to do it scared you have to let yourself think youre kinda cool actually #you have to believe people when they tell you they like you and your ocs and there'll be times #when thats really fucking hard to do but the fight is worth it #these are obviously just my thoughts #i may delete later #anyway ily i kis ur forehead #chatter

[ihearnocomplaints]

me if uhhhh me if you uh if you reblog my art and give me love and attention

#hi welcome to chilis #Im like drunk-tired or something #im feckin exhausted m8 #i need to slep #but my brain hates me sigh #(me who desperately wants to do something creative but doesn’t have the time or energy) #anyway uhhhhh points tho my art tag -> #complaintsconcepts #might delete later because i am a sad little creature who just really likes when people like my things #i wish i made better art that people would think is cool like all these cool amazing artists that can actually draw good things #(says the guy with the lowest self confidence on the planet) #anyway I’m drawing an updated persona because i finally figured out what I want the design to be #yes it is the halloween clown version of my slimesona #because i love it #(unfortunately what colours to use— i do not know)

[ittybittybumblebee]

i want to see exactly how many people actually have thought i am for research because ive gotten this quite a few times from different people i just wanna see how far it goes

#please understand while im not doubting so much now im not going to base off everything by peoples perceptions of my online behavior but #i feel like it does give good insight #i just always have a little hesitation in me because i feel like no one can get a full scope or honest picture of myself to Know me enough #to say that i can trust their opinion of me without knowing me enough in that sense #gahh. cuz i always feel like im doing Just Fine Enough i feel normal enough but im not guhh. #GUHHGGGHGH #it literally wouldnt change anything for me. like im autistic . ok! shrugs my shoulders. i cope i cant to anything more to help myself #than that #do u guys get it. do i have to go eat bricks or do u guys get it. my internal struggle. im like sisyphus #i cant trust other peoples opinions of my and i cant trust my own perceptions #while of course self diagnosis is a wonderful thing i dont want to put a name on myself that serves me no purpose #autism is awesome but do i deserve that title when dont feel like i own it wether i am autistic or not #im just so conflicted. #do you get it. do you get me. am i being reasonable . am i just fighting a truth about myself or are my doubts realistic. but the Evidence. #im so tired #i do not wanna b one of those tiktok girlies saying theyr hyperfixated on cooking pasta #Now do you get me #all my long winded rabbit trail rambles out of me before i finally get to my one point condensed conclusion #and now i just cant delete the rest of my tags because of all my time spent on them #enjoy my indentity crisis lol #i Might delete some of these tags later

[notajoinerofthings]

for lent i'm also giving up wasting emotional energy on people who have shown me time and time again that i'm not a priority for them.

#and you know what #i might not like myself that much a lot of the time #but at this point in my life i do care about myself enough to say that i do in fact deserve that people who (allegedly) #care about me also show me that. and behave in a way that matches their words #and if they don't or don't want to. well. downgrade to acquaintance it is. don't expect me to open up to you ever again #and don't expect me to still be your agony aunt whenever it's convenient for ya✌️ #ugh but it's such a fine line to walk esp when everyone in this scenario is somewhat neurodivergent #i know people are depressed and anxious and exhausted and overworked and burned out. and i do understand the urge to self-isolate #trust me i do. but it also hurts to see that they usually still find the time and energy to interact with other people. never with me. #and i'm sure there are valid reasons for that. and maybe i should be more understanding. but it also just hurts #and it triggers a lot of insecurities (maybe i'm overall just a draining person and not fun to be around blablabla) #and i know that's mostly a me problem but also friends should not make me feel that way #personal #delete later

[frecklystars]

i keep associating colt with someone who wasn't very nice to me (not anybody online!!! just somebody irl) and every time i've seen colt for the last like, three months maybe now, in trailers or promos or whatever i just get so. depressed. like....... dude the movie isn't even out yet...... somebody needs to throw a chair at my head or something. i feel on the verge of tears every time i see any trailers or photosets for the movie and for WHAT!!! well i know for what.... but still 😤😤

#delete later #i hate my brain immediately associating Things I Like with people that are mean to me #and then not being able to interact with Those Things I Like #ryan won't be in another movie until what... 2026?? i should be enjoying the promos or smth 😤😤😤 #RAHHHHHH #anyway. ill get over it probably at some point. like if i start building my self ship w/ colt after the movie is out #ive spent like 20 minutes crying over the person who isn't nice to me today. and for what!!! #i hate being sensitive. [points at my heart] shut UP down there you piece of shit #i hate that i think of them IMMEDIATELY when i see colt. what if i think of them during the entire movie... 😭😭

[witherrosealliance]

(id: five light brown statues sit at the top of a set of stairs. the statues are of, from left to right, the empires season one characters, joel, lizzie, jimmy, pixl, and katherine. the first four hold tridents while the katherine statue holds flowers. behind them are layers of clay, like in minecraft mesas. season two pixl stands with his back turned and a torch held up to them. the light hits pixl and katherine most clearly, leaving the other three partially or wholly in shadow /end id)

under the mesa

for @empiresdaily dtiys!!

#posted this earlier at one point but the timing was… awkward and i decided to delete and post later #empires #empires smp #esmp #es2 #es1 #empires smp season 2 #talks #art #anyhow. this isn’t the finished version but it is as finished as its ever going to get lol. didn’t have the energy for this it turns out #bc i overestimated my self lol #empiresdaily dtiys

[juniperberrypipebomb]

Decided to log into twitter (hell) and outside of everything going to shit as always i found this piece of shit as my banner

I dont even remember when i made this but i do remember that i did and i remember how i made it

I saw a picture on twitter w some kind of caption and decided that i could make it look like a banner

i tried to add the fire flaming text that i saw on some reposted to twitter tumblr posts where someome makes a grammatical error and someone corrects them in a form of flaming (sometimes animated) text (never change guys, gals and all of you magnificent pals lol) but at the time i didnt know the website that you all used so i tried to improvise and google

I remember half way thru the making of this text being so upset that it looked like shit but after taking a break for 20 minutes i said "fuck it, it is way funnier this way" and i kinda glad that back then i decided to "fuck it we ball" it

It looks disgusting and i love it

#i unironically glad i found it bc it still holds up to me #not in a sense that its still THAT funny to me (i believe i made it when i was like when i was maybe 17-ish) but it feels kinda #nostalgic #some might say that its not nostalgic it all like “lol #you're 21 how tf can this shit be nostalgic to you #you still havent experienced x y and z you're a still young adult who havent decided what your future is you dont get to feel nostalgic #about your past outside of movies you watched when you were a child lol“ #and i kinda disagree #bc at that point of my life i only started to figure myself out (hell i only “recently” realised im nonbinary and multisexual) #and looking back at how i used to be #it definitely feels like ive made a lot of progress in self development and self improvement #and its kind of nostalgic for me to see my old abandoned twitter page (i should probably nuke it completely) and see that everything change #everyone learns #everyone becomes different #everything stays the same while also changing simultaneously #did i really got emotional over my old banner? #anyways whoever finds this post i kinda thank you for reading thru my schizophrenic post and i wish you a good day #juniper's tree branches #juniper stupider #ramblings #nonsense rumblings #will delete this cringe later when ill be embarrassed about it

[owlf45]

A couple comments on Candor going like:

“Doesnt this mean he could have escaped the entire time??”

Or

“So none of it mattered”

Or

“He didn’t have to go through all that”

THATS THE POINTTTTTTTT!!!!!

#candor fic #some of yall bitches would rather die or go through hell and back than love yourselves!! thats the point thats the POINT!!!!!!!!! #the pain and misery you jump headfirst into just because its routine and easier than having to forgive yourself for being you!!!! #the fact that you perpetuate cycles of self harm and abuse!!! because its all you know!!!! and having to learn to break that cycle because— #no one else can do it for you!!!! #self hatred is the epitome of irrationality of COURSE it was the pretty option of COURSE it could have been avoided #but you can tell someone who beats themselves up all the time that theyre fucking stupid but you KNOW they arent listening to SHIT #thats the POINTTTTTTTTT!!!!!!! #*screeches at the top of my lungs* #okay. im good now 😤 #im totally down for people to interpret my works however but my god is it a struggle when someone literally explains the main theme without- #understanding it #and rather than not commenting something else they take that misunderstanding and speak of it like its a flaw in the actual work #delete later

[rowavolo]

big shoutout to self shippers who regress in some way (whether it be pet, age, or something else) and have f/os they see as caregivers or fellow regressors or even something outside of that. youre so cool and epic, you keep doing you <3

NO DISCOURSE ON MY POST!!!!

#general barks #self ship positivity #f/o x s/i #self ship community #self shipper positivity #self ship #self shipping #might delete this later bc im shy but the point stands

[silverselfshippingchaos]

hm.

#fucking hell. do you guys ever think about how normalized racism against indians is? I know i do #god.. why can't i just exist? why is it so normal to be so fucking disgusting about my people? i've spent my whole life thinking i'm #unattractive and ugly because of my body hair and my brown skin and the shape of my nose and the smell of my food #why can't i have all the sweet things the pretty girls have? will i ever be perceived as the same as them? will i always be unattractive? #my relationship with my culture is.. complicated. but still... it hurts so much. it weighs on me so heavily #sure i make jokes so often but i'm not exactly a shining beacon of peak self esteem. i think that how my people are percieved is a huge par #of why i feel that way about myself. it's to the point where i think my f/os would be better off dating someone else or wouldn't like me #because they'd think my culture is 'weird' #idk man. i've just been having a night #i saw some a.qua ship art and fell down a rabbit hole and spiraled. wow... would she even like me at all? or find me attractive in any way? #this is so unlike me y'all LMAAOOO you know how they say you should never listen to your thoughts past 9pm? yeah. it's almost 1am rn- #i should go to bed. i'll be okay. just been a lot going on and even more on my mind #sigh.. #vent #i'll delete this later gamers #goodnight pals

[veilkeeper]

why do i only ever wanna write fanfiction for small dead fandoms/pairings

not me looking at the <100 fics for my fave rarepair for an old as fuck video game and thinking "maybe its time to start that longfic"

not me looking at the <100 fics for all of boyfriend dungeon and thinking "idk man i have 37k worth of interconnected drabbles what if i-"

as it is everything ive posted on ao3 is like…. no one on earth is looking at this. i always write fic for fandoms like, at least 5 years after it had aaaaaany eyes on it. why do i do this.

#me writing fic is roughly equivalent to writing a message in a bottle #like i post and basically hope SOMEONE gets a hankering for a pairing they cared about 6 years ago and looks for it #bc otherwise nooooboooodddddyyyyyy is lookin #and YES i KNOW the whole point of writing is to do it for yourself #and i do. trust me. im doing self indulgent shit you couldnt even imagine. #but there is something frustrating about never getting that Sweet Sweet Validation #im literally involved in an active fandom. i could get hits on a fic if i just wrote for THAT instead!!! #but the only bg3 thing ive managed to write was the ONLY BG3 THING NO ONE WANTS TO CLICK ON!!!! #ill uhh #delete later #prolly #ugggggggggh #happy new year i guess lol

[meringuejellyfish]

being into a work that is ongoing is a really interesting experience especially when its something like a manga/comic which takes a Long time (what an insane art form im always thinking about this) im waiting for the water to boil for my pasta im so hungry for dinner. Ok well by the time im posting this i ate like 40 minutes ago maybe an hour im so tired of eating dinners that do not have a side dish

#its so funny 2~ years ago seeing some things start to build up for/during the current wha arc and be like well id say i feel as though there #are a few too many plot threads and characters trying to be balanced all at once right now but im still very excited to #see where this is going #and now seeing it in its current state like oh my ! and so the story goes ........ #after such a high point that volume 8 was. ahh ! #very general ramblings oh my i just remembered the other night i fell alseep after going on a wha writing dissection ramble/ ''rant'' #i Love to talk . dont be my roommate i love to talk. i think fondly of falling asleep after digimon rambles #and one time that i woke up and the first thing i said that morning was something about the last unicorn #and my sibling was like ''you wake up and just think of these things ?!'' its My fun #how unique. a guy who thinks about the fiction he consumes. how groundbreaking #i am genuinely curious how anyhting will happen after this arc. so many strange and poor and fascinating choices .... #probably delete later i get self conscious about of the moment loose rambles online

[ultravioart]

I am thinking about how WoY made me feel seen and understood in some sense, and in a way made me kinder to myself when I struggle with BFRB. (Body-focused repetitive behavior, includes things like messing with nails, hair, etc). I have OCD and Wander's behaviors are shown both for cartoonish comedy, but also simply just shown and sometimes some characters even empathize with Wander instead of reprimanding him. And I KNOW that Wander is just doing cartoony anxious antics, but things like how he HAS to help or it doesn't feel right, a compulsion and a comfort item that keeps him emotionally safe (hat that lets Wander go with the flow), a morning routine (morning wake up), and how he uses music to free himself (getting thought loops out through art to be free from them) ...

How in the episode "The Box" he keeps thinking about opening up the box in a thought loop and how Body-focused repetitive behavior (BFRB) is represented as Wander's means of dealing with his OCD. And he's not shamed for his BFRB, rather Sylvia shows concern and tries to stop the source of Wander's worries, or gently guide him away to support him thought a tough time. And before you say "Um, Wander wasn't confirmed to have OCD?" Wander exhibits so many symptoms that it's a pretty easy head canon. Wander's an incredibly free spirit and lively and fun, but also easily excitable. And that excitement can be SO endearing, but also can manifest in OCD symptoms in the show. And frankly, it is SO refreshing to see a well-meaning, genuinely kind character have OCD and not some stereotype villain or stereotyped 'uptight annoying friend'. You can tell Wander doesn't want those thoughts in "The Box" from the song/animation sequence and imo it represents the sometimes intriguing, but overwhelming and distressing aspects of thought loops. You can see the thought loop spiral and FEEL the discomfort. They are intrusive and unsettling thoughts and by the end of the episode, after it's revealed so actual item needed to be delivered, Sylvia tells off these fools on how this 'lesson' is backwards and ridiculous, and her friend is being hurt by the set up, because a lesson in patience does nothing to someone who knows patience, they suffer with OCD! Really, it's just nice to see a kind and sweet character struggling with OCD while trying to always do the right thing. It's very refreshing that it shows ANY kind of personality can struggle with OCD. I also see Dominator as embodying some aspects of BFRB, but not in the same way Wander does. Wanders is due to anxiety, and I imagine Dominator's is due to boredom. In her concept art she had a band aid on her knee, implying that she's rough and tumble, and that maybe some of the red dots might be from lava splat burns. Personally, I think that maybe her freckles are from itching and have left a scar or scab. Often times you don't see in cartoons to have red freckles on the thighs and mid arm, you usually only see them on face, or in cases of aliens the spots are darker, not lighter like the red on green.

#BFRB #OCD #cartoons #text #tw self harm #<it's discussed and points out how Wander represents BFRB and OCD in a empathic way which isn't often seen in media. #let alone cartoons #this might be a bit heavy but #this show has taught me to not mentally beat myself up so harshly over compulsions #and has helped me even quit certain behaviors!!! #Sometimes all you need is empathy instead of reprimand. #Wander #Wander Over Yonder #woy #I might delete this later idk