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brother-emperors · 3 months

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BROTHERS

The river Weser ran between the Roman and Cheruscan forces. Arminius came to the bank and halted with his fellow chieftains:— "Had the Caesar come?" he inquired. On receiving the reply that he was in presence, he asked to be allowed to speak with his brother. That brother, Flavus by name, was serving in the army, a conspicuous figure both from his loyalty and from the loss of an eye through a wound received some few years before during Tiberius' term of command. Leave was granted, and Stertinius took him down to the river. Walking forward, he was greeted by Arminius; who, dismissing his own escort, demanded that the archers posted along our side of the stream should be also withdrawn. When these had retired, he asked his brother, whence the disfigurement of his face? On being told the place and battle, he inquired what reward he had received. Flavus mentioned his increased pay, the chain, the crown, and other military decorations; Arminius scoffed at the cheap rewards of servitude.

They now began to argue from their opposite points of view. Flavus insisted on "Roman greatness, the power of the Caesar; the heavy penalties for the vanquished; the mercy always waiting for him who submitted himself. Even Arminius' wife and child were not treated as enemies." His brother urged "the sacred call of their country; their ancestral liberty; the gods of their German hearths; and their mother, who prayed, with himself, that he would not choose the title of renegade and traitor to his kindred, to the kindred of his wife, to the whole of his race in fact, before that of their liberator." From this point they drifted, little by little, into recriminations; and not even the intervening river would have prevented a duel, had not Stertinius run up and laid a restraining hand on Flavus, who in the fullness of his anger was calling for his weapons and his horse. On the other side Arminius was visible, shouting threats and challenging to battle: for he kept interjecting much in Latin, as he had seen service in the Roman camp as a captain of native auxiliaries.

Tacitus Annals 2.10-11

there's a lot going on in there! Arminius switching to Latin is a detail that always makes me feel a deep kind of sadness, especially with how it's preceded by mention of their mother. I wonder what she thought of what became of her sons, on opposite sides of everything but still, inescapably, brothers. even when they want to kill each other. there sure are a lot of fucked up and unhappy brothers around. and Arminius asking about Flavus' injury............I also had a whole thing typed out about the horror of imperialism and colonization and the trauma of assimilation but I think this sets the tone better

Rome's Greatest Defeat: Massacre in the Teutoburg Forest, Adrian Murdoch

and also this, just for fun

(ibid)

this post is already a mile long, so lets add another mile to it: a little scene at the start of their conversation! tfw you go in for a hug and your younger brother who also ended up being taller starts roasting your hair style

bsky ⭐ pixiv ⭐ pillowfort ⭐ cohost ⭐ cara.app⭐ko-fi

#long post #SO LONG #roman empire tag #tbh im not jazzed about using that tag when rome is not actually the setting here but i do not have a good era tag for this yet #i'll figure it out later eurhghghesuerhgh #komiks tag #arminius & flavus #idk. maybe also #eye trauma cw #anyway it's all very 'he's my brother and i need a shovel to love him' kind of deal #this (wheezing) this is an idea i had LAST YEAR but it was a solo illustration #i had it posted for about ten minutes before i decided it sucked ass and needed to be revisited as a comic #FINALLY. the idea is complete. im free. it's been bothering me to have it unfinished while the original idea was haunting my drafts #as a reminder to get it done. and now i can delete it. au revoir illustration you will not be missed

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alxlxlx · 7 months

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reani doodles :3

#horror #reanimator #re-animator #herbert west #daniel cain #dan cain #my art #i was gonna color and render them all but #idkidk #if i do then i'll post that and delete this one maybe #i always say delete later maybe but i never do LOL

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hws-lceland · 3 months

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It's been a long year but i am happy to finally be able to post my Polaroid for the @hws-anthology ! This was my first ever zine and I'm honored to have been part of it since Hetalia has been part of my life for 10 years now. And I've made some incredible friends due to it

#romerica #hws romano #hws america #aph romano #aph america #hws anthology #hetalia #aph #hws #emil.art #deleted the ramble ill make a separate post later #< sorry for.being cringe #or maybe I'll put it back! idk. im mentally ill 👍

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cowardlycowboys · 3 months

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hopelessly devoted

#wow it doth be me #pretty sure these from Monday but everyone saw me and Lawrence and then i just never posted selfies again #anyway look at me and maybe I'll post tongue if u want it later cause i gotta delete these #something religious about looking away!!!

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kynimdraws · 3 months

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FYI

In the light of some recent events regarding Chuggaconroy (started first from this post and now there are former friends who are coming out about similar issues i.e. MasaeAnela...and it got worse), I have taken down the links to his videos in my commission art posts.

I'm glad he never did anything like this to me when he reached out for the commission work, but now the association makes the works feel...tainted in a way.

Thanks for understanding.

#a psa #I posted about this on twt but forgot I also had posted here about the LP project #maybe I'll delete later

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lemalfrog · 2 months

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some ugly sketches (school is killing me and I don't draw at all)

#don’t even want to tag this post but ok #rgg fanart #like a dragon #masato arakawa #ichiban kasuga #judgment #nah i’m tired …..#maybe I'll delete this later #actually the last picture is quite old #don’t like how sawashiro is drawn here !#uuugh ugly cringey post!!! god please gimme some rest

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littlemissmanga · 5 months

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Personal nonsense below the cut. I struggled with whether I should even make this post but it's my blog. Even if no one sees this I need to get it out.

I'm struggling. Hard.

Mostly it's work stress, but it's reached critical mass and it's sparking my anxieties even after I log off of work.

There's nothing I can do about the stress at work, nothing I can do to change the situation or make it better. And I can't leave because my mental health will suffer more without the stability my job gives me.

But lately, when I turn to Tumblr or writing to refocus and escape, it's not escaping. I can't write - i have no energy to find inspiration. I'm completely drained. It's taking so much just to comment on everyone's amazing stories. But without creating the content I want to see, I feel like I'm getting left behind.

I saw a post about commenting on old fics and it said:

Fanfic authors feel constant pressure to create more and crippling fear of being forgotten, useless, and being literally kicked away from fandom.

And that's exactly it. That's what I'm feeling so acutely. Because it's happened before. And this fandom isn't that one and I know no one thinks this way about my work but me. But I still gotta live with my own thoughts and they're telling me it's true.

I had the extreme privilege of finding this lovely and amazing community over the past year and I am so grateful and I can't help but fear losing it if I take time away from it.

But what's hurting the most is my own inability to talk about it. It never feels like an "appropriate" time to bring it up in conversation because everyone has their own issues and I don't want to pile on/take attention away from them. I don't like calling attention to myself because it feels conceited and selfish - even though the only way I know how to connect with people is through my personal experience, so even without talking about my actual issues even just responding to support someone feels incredibly self-absorbed of me.

And again I know if anyone said that to me, of course I'd make space for them. But my brain can't make space for me, so I don't say anything. Even to my friends off of Tumblr - they're all going through the ringer right now and I just ... can't. I haven't had a night without a breakdown in over a week and I'm really struggling to get through this funk.

I know it's probably best for me to take a step back from Tumblr if I feel I can't keep up, but it hurts to potentially lose my favorite leisure platform and community just because I can't handle the other stress in my life.

It's not fair and I hate being in this place.

#and of course my internet cut out just as i tried to post this #like the world doesn't even want me to say it out loud #maybe i shouldn't have #i'll probably delete later but it helped at least to put it in words

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chimchiri · 3 months

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I think I might have deleted the post about the interview but - I did get the job! :''') <3

#I drank a lucky tea the day of the interview maybe that helped lmao #but I'm really lucky #and super happy ahhh #Internal transfer in 2 months yesssss #I'll probably delete this later but I'm so happy I kinda wanted to share #my posts

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tired-reader-writer · 5 months

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Somehow my thoughts drifted back to a former friend I blocked some while back.

The buildup that led to me ultimately blocking her was... frustrating, to say the least. It's still frustrating even now. Honestly, I don't know how or why my brain decided to remember her in this moment. Maybe the exam season stress is getting to me.

This girl, this person, hah, always loudly proclaimed to detest AI art and AI fanfic/writings, and yet still happily posted a lot about extensively using character AI.

Like, if she recognized the problems w AI art and voiceover and fic, why did it take so long for her to realize chat AI is bad too? I couldn't fathom the dissonance. I tried to break the news to her. Y'know, AI art scrapes from art, AI writing scrapes from real people's writing, and these generated responses that the character AI spits out... it's in written form, right? AI can't create from thin air like us creatives do. It's gotta be scraping from somewhere, it's theft too. It's no different from AI fanfics.

She acted like... It's hard to describe, her responses to my messages were... It's like she didn't want to stop using character AI so she padded out her replies with stuff about AI art and AI fic. Y'know, the things we both agreed were theft. The things that were not what I was trying to talk to her about.

She said she was scared that AI was running rampant now, that she was “on the fence” about character AI. Despite me having already laid out my reasoning it's no different from the other types of AI she claimed to hate.

She was not on the fence.

She kept using character AI after our conversation, she just refrained from bringing it up in our DMs.

I kept reblogging anti-AI posts hoping she would see and come to her senses (after all, talking directly did not fucking work) and she ignored my very unsubtle anti-AI reblogs on both my main and side blog, both of which she followed. She reblogged the stuff about AI art fic and voiceovers and completely and purposefully skipped over stuff about anti character AI.

I snapped.

I made a public rant about the scenario, grossly summarized and without naming names of course, because I was so fucking frustrated at this girl.

And then after that, after all that, she gets upset that I'm frustrated and ranted out loud (never revealed who I was frustrated at, I intentionally worded it so that it comes across as me being mad at a widespread phenomenon, which it also was, I was deeply frustrated with not only her but the rest of the AI apologists in the world).

Make it make sense, girl.

She said she was “trying to quit” character AI, she sounded really upset, and I thought, well I clearly snapped and crossed a line. She said she's trying to quit and she's my friend, she couldn't possibly lie to me, right?

Right?

Haha, WRONG.

I don't exactly remember the sequence of events after that. She kept using character AI, for sure, kept posting about it too (and that's the kicker isn't it, she could've kept using it in secret and not post it in public, then I would've blissfully assumed she had quit earnestly, but no, she couldn't help herself from posting and gushing about the generated responses the AI bot spat out for her). In the end I ended up blocking her. Probably because of that.

And then when she found out I blocked her she made a Sad™ post lamenting how sad it was when one is blocked by a mutual. And had the gall to say she “used to use character AI” and “used to be on the fence” when that... just wasn't the case, was it? I didn't block her because she used to use AI, it was because she kept persistently and stubbornly using it even after all my repeated warnings. It wasn't that she used to be on the fence about character AI, it's that she routinely refused to heed my very unsubtle (both direct and indirect) warnings over and over that made me fucking snap.

Like, don't make it sound like I blocked you for unreasonable reasons 😭 What else was I supposed to do? I certainly didn't want to keep interacting with someone who betrayed my beliefs.

And then? And then she figured since I wasn't watching her anymore she can do whatever she wants and then went all in on the whole character AI thing. Back to horny-posting about the generic thirst trap daddy archetype responses the blorbo character AI's were generating.

It's my fault, really, for going back to check on her again after a couple days, I should've stuck by my decision to block her forever but nooooo I got soft and wanted to see if I should unblock her after all, if I was too harsh on somebody who was trying but... Welp.

So, yeah. Dunno what brought on this trip down the (horrible) memory lane.

Anyways, if you are an AI apologist or leave your AI apologist friends to keep doing what they do with zero attempts to stop them you may feel free to block me forever and never interact with me or my posts again ✌️

#I don't know why I made this post #maybe I'll delete it later #for now tho... yeah.#a shame too I thought she was a good friend but she just kept...#masking and burying the real topic under other things #kept trying to distract me away from iy #even bribed me w some cute fanart she found at the end of one of the conversations where I was feeling glum #I WAS FEELING GLUM BC I WAS FEELING LIKE MY WORDS AND FEELINGS WEREN'T GETTING THROUGH TO HER AND I THINK WE BOTH KNEW IT

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pekoeboo · 11 days

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feeling Emotional tonight and i ended up crying ugly tears thinking about Khalan again. it's always the songs from my character playlist that get me good, man 😭

#if i knew how to do animatics. BOI #y'all would be in for a treat #but alas i cannot ;n;#so it's just something that will forever stay in my head and only i will cry about because idk how to share what i see with the world #i just. ugh. i love khalan so much #the thing that was getting me specifically tho was like.#thinking about how much Aya changes him when they first meet #how she encourages him to be brave. to go beyond his comfort zone and be More than what he believes he can be #idk maybe i'll share the specific song if anyone's interested #putting this on my art blog tho because it's about my oc #i'm kinda trying to get over my strictness of how i manage this blog #and sometimes let myself post things that aren't always Just Art #anyway sorry for all the tags #might delete later idk #my ramblings #text post #oc #khalan al shariq #primordial smp

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babacontainsmultitudes · 1 year

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Normal, Sparrow, and something about heroes

EDIT: Raised the "read more" cause tumblr wants to make self-rbs a nightmare smh smh

Y'all it's so difficult to write ANYTHING lol fuck... But yeah yeah definitely got some post ep. 30 thoughts. Do need to start with some explanations/clarifications on my general stance regarding Normal which is mostly for the mutuals LOL and they know that so if things appear to lack a bit of context on that front well that's why.

There are some things regarding Norm where I lowkey almost don't want to say anything because I'm sooooo wishy washy myself ahahaha and I feel like I'm definitely gonna end up writing some stuff here and be like "ehhhhhh" later on but what can you do what can you do.

I guess I can at least start by saying that when I say that like, Norm can be self-centered, or prideful, or something to that effect, I am *definitely* not trying to say like "this negates Norm's compassion" or that like, Norm needs to be made to feel bad about that? I hope I'll be able to explain what I mean properly here but, a lot of my feelings regarding Norm's more negative traits do genuinely come from a place of concern for him??

Yes I think Norm can be self-centered, yes I think it comes from a place of loneliness and insecurity, yes I think it bleeds into his actions in a way that can negatively impact both himself and those around him, and yes I think that all of these things make him very very VERY similar to Scary... Is my general stance atm but let me, let me *try* to explain what all that means for me LOL.

I think Norm is a good person. I don't think he's *the most* empathetic or selfless or kind character we've seen in the show, but I also don't think he needs to be, or ever will need to be. He has a good heart (all the teens do, yes that includes Scary, fight me), he *does* care about other people very much, and like the other teens his frustrations are valid and generally pretty justified!

But I think Norm is someone who, perhaps pretty fundamentally, requires a pretty high level of external validation and social acceptance to feel loved, has generally gone most of his life not having that need met outside of his immediate family, and is pretty all-or-nothing and rejection-sensitive when it comes to this validation. I don't think Norm is a bad person for any of these traits (at all), even if it can impact his interactions with others negatively at times. No, above all else, these traits lead me to feel quite concerned and altogether just kinda sad for Norm.

And that's where things get a bit messy. On the one hand, Norm *is* a kind person, with good intentions, and even when I feel most frustrated with his actions, I don't take them as coming from a place of malice or ill-intent. But Norm wants to feel loved so bad, and his conditions for feeling loved (as aforementioned) are very difficult to meet, so, yes, (I do personally feel that) Norm often does, largely without knowing, prioritize this endless search for validation over other things, and having this at the forefront of his mind so frequently does inhibit his ability to truly connect with the people around him and (in many cases) actually *empathize* with them.

The difference- the difference for me between Normal and Linc with regards to Scary isn't whether or not they *care* about Scary. Even if it's a bit old now, I didn't write a whole thing on Normal/Scary and Sparrow/Lark parallels because I don't think Norm cares about Scary. Normal has *absolutely* put a tremendous amount of effort into trying to keep Scary around, to disappointing results that are justifiably frustrating for him. Normal and Linc both care about Scary, the difference for me, and what I just find so spectacular about Linc compared to all the other teens here, is that Linc goes *beyond* himself when he breaks the pic. He's not the first person to care about or try to help Scary, he's just the first person to do so in the way that she actually needs- because his general selflessness allows him to be the first person to actually *understand* Scary. He's not the first person to feel *for* her, he's the first person to feel *with* her. That is... Well I guess that is also to say that when I use the word "empathy" I mean it fairly precisely.

Which also isn't... I'm not trying to knock Normal (or Taylor) in saying this btw. The teens ALL have their strengths and weaknesses, and this was simply a moment that brought out one for Linc and another for Norm (vice versa can has and will be true at other points in time). Normal not being able to do what Linc did here is not something I'm trying to hold against him. With regards to their argument, I genuinely think that they both have plenty of reason to be upset, and ultimately it's all just one big misunderstanding. Still, I do personally think that much of why Norm is so upset with Linc in this scene has not so much to do with Scary nor with the Doodler- but is in fact at least in part Norm feeling rejected by Linc (invalidated, unloved, etc.), and acting out accordingly. Additionally, I think these feelings get in the way of Norm actually being able to understand and appreciate why Linc did what he did. They were both hurt, they both lashed out. I'm not trying to gloss over Linc's part in this either, I'm not saying one of them was right and the other was wrong or that one was mean and the other wasn't, but from what I've seen at least it seems people are almost unanimously siding with Norm on this one without much consideration for the points Linc actually makes here, choosing instead to focus solely on what *Linc's* hurt caused him to say (without acknowledging of course that in Linc's case too it comes from a place of hurt), and that much is a bit frustrating for me admittedly.

I wouldn't have expected or wanted Norm to behave any differently in this scene than he did. I think everything about Norm's behavior makes perfect sense for where he's at, and "where he's at", for me, isn't "selfish kid who doesn't care about other people" it's "scared kid who feels rejected and alone". That said, I think if Norm wants to get any better he, like all the teens, needs to start introspecting a bit more and work on himself.

And when I say that, I'm not saying "Norm is prideful and needs to be more humble" I'm saying, Norm needs to get to a place where he can feel loved, and allow himself to be loved, without it being so all or nothing.

Enter Hero!!! The chosen one! I kinda don't get why some people are just seeing this as Anthony trying to bully Norm rather than a very important opportunity for growth!!!

This feels like a point that could be easily misconstrued, so I'll try to be careful? When I say that Hero being the chosen one is an opportunity for Norm to grow as a person, I am NOT saying in becoming more humble or something like that?? Normal's pride isn't his fatal flaw, it's an afterthought of it, a manifestation of it, a defense mechanism vis a vis his fundamental insecurities, if you will.

Normal, as I see him, is convinced that he will only ever be loved, that he will only ever have "solved" love, when he is validated in absolutes. When he is the most popular boy in school who is friends with everybody. When he's the hero of the story. When he's the chosen one. If part of him sees himself as being without flaw (or the best part of teen high or whatever), it's not because he's some arrogant little brat, it's because he can't imagine himself as being lovable unless he is perfect. He isn't selfish for feeling this way, but from an outside view I think it's fairly easy to say that if Normal continues down that path, he's never going to get where he needs to go.

Hero being the chosen one, not Normal, gives Normal an opportunity to learn (or at least start to learn) that his perceived prerequisites for love (of himself) are false. Normal doesn't have to be the hero of the story. He doesn't have to be a hero. He doesn't have to be Hero, it's enough to just be Normal.

Sooooo... I think it's pretty ironic that... Upon learning that Hero is the chosen one.... So many people have jumped the gun and assumed that this means... Sparrow doesn't love Normal.

HAHA THAT'S RIGHT THIS WAS ABOUT SPARROW ALL ALONG YOU THOUGHT I WAS DONE TALKING ABOUT THIS MAN NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER NEVER

But seriously, wow, it pains me sometimes how little faith people have in Sparrow. Hero is "the chosen one"... So every single time Sparrow has relayed how much he loves Norm goes down the drain?? At a most basic level folks, your child can be unplanned and still be loved, actually. Some might even say that that's... normal.

But do you get what I'm trying to say here? The assumptions much of the fandom has made about Sparrow and his love exactly reflect the toxic trains of thought that will probably be plaguing Normal's mind and feeding into his insecurities as the whole Hero thing develops?? And these insecurities (and again false prerequisites for love) are exactly what Normal needs help working through???

But let's move away from the Norm side of things a little bit, cause the assumptions being made about Sparrow currently are much more vast than this.

Let's make something clear. We don't know Sparrow's side of the story. We don't know Lark's side of the story. And of course, we don't know Rebecca's side either. We don't know if Rebecca did or didn't know about the prophecy. It seems that at this point in time, the spouses have had their memories erased. *Not necessarily* the case, but I genuinely can't fathom a scenario in which Cassandra somehow doesn't notice that the father of her child is always kind of a little bit on fire- and conspiracy theorist Rebecca to me also might hint at the fact that at some earlier point in time she would have known more about what's going on? But that's purely speculation, obviously.

So why are we suddenly so sure of Sparrow's intentions, feelings, and *role* in bringing Hero into the world?

I... Well I've been reluctant to bring this up even though the notion has been an itch in my mind since yesterday, but eventually you see enough upsetting Sparrow posts that someone needs to step up and offer something new I guess.

So... Allow me to suggest that, Sparrow being against the idea of having a child purely to fulfill a prophecy, and refusing to partake, actually makes *more* sense.

Most especially, if Sparrow was adamantly against going through with such a plan, we now have the most sound and in-character reason so far to explain... Why Lark slept with Rebecca.

(*gasp*)

As I see it anyways! Because, yeah, it's always felt like a weird elephant in the room, and I don't really feel satisfied with the existing theories at all! Someone with as strong as a resolve as Lark sleeps with the wife of the person who means more to him than anyone cause... He was horny? Or maybe as part of some strange convoluted ploy to push Sparrow away? I'm not saying these aren't still valid possibilities, and I'm not saying that this theory I'm proposing is what happened, really it's an assumption based on an assumption, but nevertheless I think it would make a lot of sense honestly.

(More specifically, what I'm suggesting is Sparrow not wanting to go through with the plan, Lark seeing it as a necessary evil to deal with the Doodler- and we know how hellbent Lark is on dealing with the Doodler, and accordingly "doing what needed to be done", as he is one to do, of course at Sparrow and at least in theory Hero's expense.)

This would also make sense of a lot of Sparrow's more extreme behaviors towards Normal, particularly the question of his name. Through this lens, it was perhaps an affront towards Lark (and possibly Rebecca??), an assertion to the effect of "no, you will not do this again, this child will not be doomed to be a hero". This, or something less aggressive but in a similar vein.

Of course this puts Normal and Sparrow at fundamental odds with one another! Er, despite being so very very similar which isn't what this post is about but still... Anyhoo, yes, there is an important conflict at play here, wherein Normal, as we discussed earlier, sees being the hero (the chosen one, what have you) as the only way to solve love, to be loved- and Sparrow who, more than anything else, doesn't want anymore heroes in the family, because he loves his family, and what happened with Henry... Can't happen again.

#Realized I didn't end up talking about Scary as I'd intended but perhaps she deserves her own post #BLUGH OKAY TALK ABOUT A POST THAT WAS WAY WAY WAY LONGER THAN INTENDED #dndads #dungeons and daddies #normal oak #sparrow oak #sparrow oak garcia #normal oak swallows garcia #dndads s2 ep 30 #lincoln li wilson #scary marlowe #GONNA POST THIS ONE AND IMMEDIATELY FEEL ANXIOUS OOPS #I FEEL LIKE I ENDED THIS ONE IN A WEIRD SPOT #EGH I HOPE THIS MADE SENSE... MAYBE I'LL DELETE AND REWRITE LATER IDK IDK #lark oak garcia #lark oak #I JUST DON'T FEEL LIKE I CAN GET MY THOUGHTS OUT RIGHT TODAY I FEEL ANXIOUS

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