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stxphxn-strange · 4 years

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Paella: a shrimp gremlin!villain stephen crackfic

a/n: this is anti-steve and im not even a bit sorry about that

A Brooklyn Farmer’s Market, 11:23am

“I just don’t know how you DEAL with him!” Stephen said, picking up a lemon. “I feel like I need to meet this guy in person to just give him a piece of my mind.”

“Babe, you have met him,” Tony replied.

“But I haven’t been given the opportunity to give him a piece of my damn mind,” Stephen continued, “What else is on the list?”

“Did you get red peppers?” Tony asked. “And there’s no need to, he won’t listen.”

“That’s too bad, because he’d really benefit from what I have to say,” Stephen replied. “He’s no right to be such a dick to you. People who are rude to you don’t deserve rights, and they certainly don’t deserve paella. Prawn shrimp are earned, not given. And yes, I got bell peppers and poblanos. You got the prawns?”

“Yeah, earlier today,” Tony said.

“There are really only two things I want in life: I think everyone should exclusively refer to me as The Prawn King, and people should treat you like royalty,” Stephen muttered. He cast a longing look at some colossal shrimp on display.

“You mean like you?” Tony asked. “And we have enough shrimp to last until the season changes, so let’s go home. This paella won’t cook itself.”

“Does your lack of acknowledgement mean that you’ll call me The Prawn King?” Stephen asked, discreetly opening a portal.

Tony stepped through it first, looking over his shoulder at the sorcerer on the other side. “Nope! Not even in the bedroom.”

“Damnit.”

++++

Upstate NY, 2:30pm

“And another thing! I’ve seen his documents, he doesn’t use the Oxford comma! I don’t believe in anyone who doesn’t use the Oxford comma, Tony. And he probably likes… lobster.”

“What’s wrong with lobster?”

“Everything!”

Tony pouted mockingly at Stephen. “So you’ll never be the Lobster Bisque Gremlin? The Lobster Tail King? A spokesman for Red Lobster?”

“I will burn down something you love,” Stephen fake-threatened.

“Move away from the stove then dear, I don’t want you to burn yourself,” Tony replied.

The sorcerer was momentarily speechless before he wrapped his arms around Tony. For some reason the genius’ love still surprised him, and it would probably always move him to the point of tears.

“I’m not crying, it’s these damn onions,” he muttered.

“Of course it is,” Tony replied, giving him a soft kiss.

Things were well on their way to heating up (and not just on the stove) when the doorbell rang.

“Who the fuck—”

“I’ll get it! Just please don’t burn my prawns!”

“Our prawns, your majesty!”

Stephen smiled and jogged to the door, calling “that has a nice ring to it!” over his shoulder. His smile faded immediately when he saw who was on the stoop.

“Tony! I was in the neighborhood, and— wait. You’re not Tony.”

“No shit Sherlock.”

“Did you do something to Tony, you villain?”

Stephen laughed, leaning against the doorway and looking down at the man in front of him. “No, Steve, I did not. And if villain is the best insult-slash-descriptor you can come up with, then that’s just sad. We’re making paella.”

“Why would Tony cook with you?!” Steve asked, already beginning to get hysterical as he failed to understand what was going on.

“Allow me to explain, in layman's terms so that you might understand: when two men lo—”

“Babe where did you put the cayenne pepper?”

Without relieving Steve of his icy glare, Stephen replied: “It should be on the second shelf in the bottom cabinet, it’s probably behind something if you didn’t see it.”

“Fair enough. I’ll look again. Who’s at the door?” Tony asked, snaking his arms around Stephen’s waist.

“Hi Tony,” Steve said curtly. “I had no idea you were a traitor after work.”

“Since when does making paella with my boyfriend make me a traitor? It’s unprofessional to bring work stuff home, and he’s not even a bad guy,” Tony replied, looking at Steve from over Stephen’s shoulder. “Sorcerers aren’t villains, Steve. It’s just not that binary. While it was… nice… chatting with you, I have to go back inside and finish seasoning my food, something you still can’t seem to figure out.”

“I do season my food, I swear!”

Tony didn’t dignify that blatant falsehood with a response, instead he whistled a tune as he sauntered back into the kitchen.

Stephen, meanwhile, was waiting for Steve Rogers to get off of his front porch.

“Can I help you?” He quipped.

“I’m going to expose you to Tony, to make him see who you really are,” Steve threatened.

“Tony isn’t that impressionable and we both know it. I’ve been talking a fair load of shit about you and still he listens but forms his own opinions. He’s not a hothead like you,” Stephen replied. “Do you need something else or can I go back to my partner and my paella?”

“Can I have some paella?” Steve asked.

“Absolutely not. There’s no lobster in it anyway, so you probably won’t even like it,” Stephen said.

For some reason, that was the last straw. “What kind of a seafood paella doesn’t have lobster in it?!”

“Ours doesn’t, you barely toasted white bread! You’re really a pain in my side, I don’t know how anyone can stand to work with you. It must be blind hero worship, or maybe they’re just afraid of you, hm? Do you bully your coworkers, Steve?” Stephen drawled, knowing what the answer was and what the answer would be.

“I don’t. But if Tony tells you I do, maybe you’re the impressionable one. Idiot villain,” Steve scoffed. “You don’t deserve Tony.”

“That’s rich coming from someone who never deserved him,” Stephen replied. He shrugged. “Just my two cents.”

“You disgust me,” Steve snapped.

“The feeling is mutual. Goodbye, Steve Rogers.” Stephen slammed the door, and he was about to go back into the kitchen when he ran back to the door, opened it and yelled: “By the way: use the Oxford comma you sloppy bitch!”

He closed the front door again, leaning against it and sighing. Stephen closed his eyes for a moment, snapping them open when he heard Tony’s voice again.

“Prawns are done!”

“Ooh!”

#tony stark #stephen strange #ironstrange #incorrect ironstrange #anti steve rogers #shrimp gremlin villain!stephen #prawn shrimp gremlin villain!stephen #not steve rogers friendly #paella #brooklyn #wholesome ironstrange #ironstrange villain!stephen au #shrimp gremlin fic

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stxphxn-strange · 4 years

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Tony, with a bag of prawn cocktail flavored chips: It just feels weird to open a bag of chips with a shrimp on the cover.

Villain!Stephen: Well that’s... get over yourself!

#tony stark #shrimp gremlin villain!stephen #ironstrange #incorrect ironstrange #stephen strange #source: the potterless podcast #potterless podcast #prawn cocktail chips #they’re a thing! I learned about them on this podcast #british food

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stxphxn-strange · 4 years

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Plans Change. Stephen Doesn’t | A Shrimp Gremlin Villain!Stephen Fluff Fic🦐

a/n: they’re planning a w e d d i n g❤️

Stark Tower, 1:18pm

Stephen portalled into the Tower, thankful he didn’t need to be anywhere near the Compound today. He could devote some time to Tony without the other Avengers prying and getting into his head. They were supposed to meet at home and go out for lunch, but Tony never showed up. FRIDAY confirmed that Tony was still working and had lost track of time, but she failed to inform Stephen that he was sitting in his office, shredding papers and sobbing.

Stephen cleared his throat upon arrival. “Hey.”

Tony looked at the clock, panic in his teary eyes. “I stood you up, didn’t I? I’m so sorry, I—”

“Shh, it’s okay,” Stephen soothed, gracefully walking around a pile of shreds in the center of the room. “I figured something was up, so I went and got lunch. I thought maybe we could eat together.”

Tony nodded, his face still glum as if he’d forgotten how to smile. Even as he rushed to Stephen and flung himself into his fiancé’s arms, his face lacked its usual color and humor that was so characteristic of him.

Stephen hugged him back, setting his basket and the wedding planning notebook on the desk so he could devote his full attention to Tony. “Bad day?”

“It’s getting better,” Tony replied, his voice shaking as he continued to cry. “I thought shredding might help.”

“Did it?” Stephen asked softly, beginning to play with Tony’s hair.

“Not really,” Tony said. “It just… what’s in the basket?”

Stephen smiled, kissing the top of Tony’s head. “I picked you up some ravioli and some prawns for myself.”

“I aspire to be loved as much as you love your prawns,” Tony replied, his teasing tone mismatching his self deprecating words.

“Shush, none of that now,” Stephen admonished. “I love you more than anything in this and any dimension, Tony.”

Tony shuffled closer to Stephen, hugging him tighter. “I love you so much.”

Stephen kissed him again. “As much as I’d love to hug you forever, you should eat. I know you skipped breakfast again, and much like that paper shredder you need a break.”

“Okay,” Tony nodded, still clinging to Stephen as the couple sat on the office’s couch.

“Do you have it in you to talk about wedding planning right now? I brought the book,” Stephen asked.

Tony nodded. “I feel bad that I haven’t been helping as much.”

“I understand,” Stephen replied. “You yourself have been doing the work of three (3) different people. I don’t blame you.”

“I’m not doing a good job… I’m a disgrace to my mother’s faith in me, to your love, to the team… hell I’m just a disgrace period,” Tony argued. “I don’t deserve you loving and believing in me like you do.”

“Yes you do,” Stephen murmured. “And you are doing a good job. You don’t have to overwork yourself for anybody to prove it, least of all me.”

Tony nodded, tiredly running a hand through his hair.

“You don’t believe me yet, but you’re tired,” Stephen deduced. There wasn’t much to deduce, what with the proof right in front of him, but Tony was an open book to his fiancé where he might appear distant and guarded to someone else. Stephen knew he was the same way.

“People say I’m more approachable when I look tired, because I don’t look intimidating,” Tony remarked. “If that’s what it takes to get Steve to not yell at me, I’ll never sleep again.”

Stephen frowned. Tony was at that point of exhaustion where he just rambled and thought aloud, speaking mostly in self deprecating thoughts. “For my sake, don’t do that. I sleep better with you.”

Tony perked up. “That reminds me, last night in your sleep you were ranting about an ill-fitting vest being the wrong shade of red.”

“It’s a good thing we picked blue for the main color for the wedding, that sounds like an uphill battle,” Stephen replied.

“You said the thing was, and I quote, ‘lobster red and not shrimp coral’ before snoring right into my shoulder.”

“I don’t snore!”

“You so do, and I’m writing that fact into my vows.”

“How slanderous!” Stephen mocked offense. He knew he snored, FRIDAY had confirmed it once to settle a bet Tony made with Wong. Now that was a long story, and it would probably come up at the wedding. Speaking of which, “Christine doesn’t like the flowers we picked.”

“What? Why not?” Tony asked.

“She just complained about them being one note. Pepper agreed, and they ganged up on me, so I can only assume they’re handling it now? I think Wong agreed to help,” Stephen replied. “Mordo has also insisted that we can’t, for any reason, have the rehearsal dinner on a Tuesday.”

“That was never the plan,” Tony said, laying his head on Stephen’s shoulder.

“I’m also no longer taking song input from Wong. I know he loves Beyoncé but I would like as much variety in our wedding playlist as possible, and our first dance will not be to ‘Love on Top,’ he knows I think—”

Stephen cut himself off, noticing a change in Tony’s breathing. A look at his fiancé confirmed the sorcerer’s suspicions: Tony fell asleep.

“Oh Tony,” Stephen sighed lovingly. “Time to get you some proper rest.”

Stephen made a portal to their apartment before instructing the cloak to take Tony to bed. Before leaving Stephen went to Tony’s computer and sent a company wide email to all SI and Avengers personnel. It read:

To whom it may concern,

Tony Stark is taking a personal day today and perhaps tomorrow as well, in order to get some much needed rest and plan his upcoming wedding. Please remember and heed this extra-formal email before sending him any business related matters for the next 24 hours. Avengers, this includes you. I won’t hesitate to hit y’all with a “as per my last email” email; Do Not test me. I’ve been told I’m a very protective fiancé.

Yours in professionalism,

Dr. Stephen Strange

Sorcerer Supreme, MD, PhD, Tony Stark’s fiancé, and resident shrimp gremlin.

Tags: @stark-strange-love @ayyy-its-an-idiot @leoachilles @kiwidino @chocopiggy @daisypoisonpen

#tony stark #stephen strange #ironstrange #shrimp gremlin villain!stephen #shrimp gremlin fic #stephen thinks love on top is too fast #wong #karl mordo #kamar taj family #stark industries #the avengers #christine palmer #pepper potts #implied pristine #barbequeue shrimp #stephen ❤️ prawns

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stxphxn-strange · 4 years

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Living With All of This (Pt. 1/2) | A Shrimp Gremlin Villain!Stephen Fic

a/n: this is only the first part, more drama/Stephen being sweet is to come :)

A Midtown Starbucks, 10:21am:

“And— oh! That’s actually him calling right now, do you mind if I get this?”

“Please, go ahead!”

Tony smiled and picked up the call from his fiancé. “Hi babe, what’s up?”

“I swear I almost just got into a fight with Billy Joel at the grocery store. And if it wasn’t him at the Whole Foods by the High Line, then it was a very convincing lookalike,” Stephen replied. “But before you ask, I didn’t fight him and I didn’t portal him into an eternal falling dimension either. Only because I thought it was Billy Joel and I don’t need all of New York to know that I got into a fight with him over frozen shrimp. Is there anything else you want or need for the party?”

“You got the flour and eggs for the pasta?”

“Of course.”

“Crushed red pepper?”

“I’m pretty sure we have some at home, but just in case we can’t find it I did get some more.”

“Always so prepared. We’ll get fresh prawns the day of, so what else would we need… cooking wine?”

“Not just any cooking wine, the fancy one your mother liked to use.”

Tony smiled, ducking his head behind his hand. “Even after all this time, you’re so sweet and thoughtful! You need to stop making me blush in public like this.”

“Don’t say I’m not affectionate and romantic! And don’t say you don’t deserve it,” Stephen replied. “What are you up to?”

“I’m actually having coffee with your mom.”

“Hi Stephen!” The Ancient One shouted towards the phone.

“Please tell me you’re not gossipping about me,” Stephen groaned.

“I could tell you that…”

“Tony!”

Tony smiled again. “I’m kidding. We’re talking about the housewarming party.”

“Is that so? And there’s parmesan in the fridge right? I’m almost convinced that there is,” Stephen asked.

“How would you know? You can’t cook,” Tony teased.

“After sitting in the kitchen watching you, you’d think I’d have learned something,” Stephen replied.

“You must be too busy making heart eyes at me,” Tony said. “But there’s parmesan in the fridge. Worst case scenario we forget something, if we’re shopping again on Saturday it shouldn’t be too big of a deal.”

“Sounds good. I’ll be home after I’m done at the store,” Stephen replied.

“Okay Steph, I’ll see you soon! Loveyoubye!”

“Love you too, and Tony make sure The Ancient One doesn’t tell you about—”

Tony laughed impishly and hung up the phone. “Bad connection.”

“I wish he’d lighten up from time to time. I’m glad you bring out the humor in him, though,” The Ancient One commented. “Now let me ask you this: what do you think about prank gifts? I have no idea what to get you both for this party.”

++++

SoHo, 11:59am:

Tony gleefully stepped into the kitchen, unsurprised to see Stephen reclining and drinking a steaming mug of herbal tea in the living room. His mug, of course, was ocean blue with shrimp painted on it and a shrimp-shaped handle.

“Daytime TV any good?” Tony asked, sitting down and cuddling up to his partner.

“Same as always. But tell me about your coffee, how was it?” Stephen replied.

“Starbucks is always good—”

“You must know that isn’t possibly what I meant. Genius.”

Tony laughed, just as he had on the phone. “It was nice, I told your mom about the Starbucks secret menu.”

“Please, for the love of the Vishanti, don’t get her addicted to coffee,” Stephen replied. “The two of you are already trying to mess with me is enough. You’re up to something, relating to the party, I know it.”

“Maybe, maybe not. She just asked me what to get you specifically for a housewarming gift,” Tony said. “I’m not sworn to secrecy about that. I am, however, sworn to secrecy about the gift.”

“Is that so? While we’re talking about the party, did Sam tell you what he wanted to bring?”

“He insisted on bringing spinach and artichoke dip.”

“What is it with him and his dip? First he wanted to bring crab dip, now this?”

Tony smirked. “You told him that he couldn’t bring shrimp.”

“Why would I trust anyone beside you to make shrimp the right way?” Stephen asked. “For all I know, none of them can cook. But spinach and artichoke dip sounds good.”

“I think he’s just happy to involved at this point, he must think we don’t like him even though that’s not the case. He had a VERY good first date with Bucky too, so I’ve heard.”

“And they’re coming to the party together?”

“Yes, and Thor and Bruce are coming too, the only problem is that Thor accidentally talked too loudly about it at our last meeting and then Natasha told Clint who told Steve and he forced me to invite the whole team,” Tony said annoyedly.

“Nooooo! I don’t want all those people in our home,” Stephen complained. “I doubt there’s much to be done about it but I’m going to complain anyway. If Steve gives you or me a hard time I’m throwing him in the closet.”

“That’s fair. I’m not going to ask you not to do that,” Tony said, resting his head on Stephen’s shoulder. “Which closet?”

“The front hall one, that way when I let him out I can just push him out the front door,” Stephen said innocently. “Clint too. They can both fit in there at once, even with the boxes in there.”

“That sounds like… reverse seven minutes in Heaven,” Tony snickered. “You’re cunning. I like it.”

“Is my villainous charm not what drew you in to begin with?” Stephen teased, counteracting his words by softly massaging Tony’s head.

“You’re sweet,” Tony said sleepily, shifting so his head was resting in Stephen’s lap. “And comfy.”

Stephen always claimed he didn’t blush, but Tony’s unrestricted love and trust in him set his face aflame. “Do you feel better now, by the way?”

“I’m just tired from not getting any sleep,” Tony replied. “My shoulders don’t hurt as much today.”

“Good.”

“The team, they’re—”

“Going to think I did this, aren’t they?” Stephen asked. “As if Steve wasn’t the one who gave you up!”

“Doesn’t matter, he’ll still find any way to blame you for it. He doesn’t even feel bad that it happened, he said so,” Tony replied. “I think it’s more important that we both know it wasn’t you. I don’t have the energy to care at all about what he thinks right now.”

“Just because it’s my fault that it happened—”

“It’s technically not, if they were going to go after me anyway.”

“Yeah, because they wanted information about me specifically as the Sorcerer Supreme. But I would never do anything to hurt you, you know that right?”

Tony nodded, sitting up again and wrapping his arms around Stephen to emphasize his point. “I know.”

“Good.” Stephen relaxed again, pulling Tony closer and resting his head on the mechanic’s hair. “Anything in particular keeping you up all night?”

“Nothing new. It just takes me awhile to convince myself to sleep, and sometimes I don’t feel like trying,” Tony replied. “Although I might take a nap later, or even now.”

“Can’t hurt. By the way, I had to play Tetris in the fridge again,” Stephen said.

“We just moved in, how is that even possible?” Tony asked.

“I may or may not have overbought shrimp… but in my defense if we’re going to serve shrimp appetizers to other people I should be allowed at least a plate of my own,” Stephen replied.

“Is that what you want me to do with the shrimp?”

“I don’t know yet, I just think it’s always a good idea to prepare to cook shrimp.”

Tagging @stark-strange-love @dinodaddy65

#tony stark #shrimp gremlin villain!stephen #ironstrange #incorrect ironstrange #sam wilson #bucky barnes #sambucky #thor odinson #bruce banner #thorbruce #stephen strange #anti steve rogers #anti clint barton #the ancient one #starbucks #dinner party #shrimp #shrimp gremlin fic #ironstrange crack

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