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#she feels very tragic to me idk
naonap · 7 months
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sometimes i remember the "you are far too right" note and cry
also,
"Even at nineteen,
I had come to realize
that violets fade,
spring waters soon run dry,
this life too is transient"
– River of Stars, Yosano Akiko
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starrysharks · 7 months
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zeno's ultimate pokemiku tierlist ⁉️(it's all his opinion and he loves them all regardless⁉️)
#like arrfgggdiakaktmcksmsama this was literally all for me like they knew what they were doing#i love character design i love pokemon i love miku. and then you put ALL THREE TOGETHER....#i will explain some of my choices here#poison miku is just too good but also i am a big sucker for freaky scientists with constant “worry” eyebrows#her design is just so out there and crazy (this is about the shoes. some understand the greatness of the shoes and some dont. and thats ok.)#every other miku in peak i think establishes their theme exeptionally well especially ghost bug and fighting#for ghost i already love spooky and gloomy looking characters and that miku delivers tenfold (of course shes designed by the GOAT take)#esp with the mix of ghostly and electronic/digital regarding the glitchy parts n the 01 hologram#she looks like shell invade my computer and give it a virus if i dont send the chainmail about her tragic file corruption to 10 friends#(in the best way possible)#for bug miku the big dress is a huge plus but also i just think shes adorable nuff said#for fighting - i love a delinquent character and she fits that really well. the half coat thing is a big highlight for me#also the leek theme is absolutely iconic#for the ones i didnt like as much - i honestly just think the koraidon one is a leeeeetle bit boring#dont get me wrong. it has really cool aspects like the hair and the koraidon like cape but idk#it feels like theres a lot going on but not that much at the same time? its still a really nice design tho esp the hair color#for the ones in yellow tier - i just dont like the color palletes very much . theyre still really nice designs esp fire miku#but all in all these are genuinely all amazing designs and i dont want to be too critical or mean to any of them esp seeing im not a pro#but this was really fun to see unfold!!! cant wait until the songs start dropping#in the topic of miku as well - hey muse dash where's my miku on the switch version....#please dont make us wait too long 🙏🏿🙏🏿🙏🏿
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yusuke-of-valla · 4 months
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In Berry Blast Brigade Yusuke is way more chill about the "Chidori kidnapping him that one time" thing than most people would be but Hamuko does not forgive or forget when it comes to her baby siblings so whenever Yusuke wants to visit Chidori in the hospital Hamuko is in the hallway glaring menacingly.
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your-local-granny · 20 days
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Being critical of art is all fun and games until you are the art that is being critiqued :(
#God I was feeling so good today but duuuude I’m so scared abt the opera from purely a technical standpoint#like I’m not even stressed about fucking anything up anymore it just hit me that like. I invited people to see this and it might be bad :(#due to variables outside of my control!!!! I hate not being able to fix things#I would be less stressed if my mother wasn’t seeing it but tragically I’m proud of what /i/ am achieving so I really want her to be there!!#but I know it’s going to be SUCH a fucking let down after the other shows she’s seen at my school like#the productions she saw were SO GOOD on a technical standpoint and both of the productions this year were so bad :((((#like even conveptually I don’t even know if I’m fully convinced and I’m in the show!!!#And idk. It’s hard when you don’t have an extended family (or like much of a family at all)#so the only people coming to your show are like. Broadway technicians#the closest thing I have to an uncle is a lighting designer and a stage manager my mother knows#very fun sometimes. Other times I want to throw myself onto a pyre#Why do the stakes have to be so high why can’t they just be happy to support me :)) I shall never be the center of her world. Ah well#But also we would not be as close as we are without our shared love of theater production so. Catch-22#And at the end of the day I’m more sad that I can’t be proud of the show#it’s not anyone’s fault it just is and I need to be okay with it#I worked really hard and it matters that I’m doing this#GOD SORRY!!!#vent#portal of rambling
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potatobugz · 1 year
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opening untitled google doc #7592 so I can attempt to write something again but ultimately never finish it
#rambles#but ill keep doing it bc. if i dont write i will never learn#i had another homestuck scenario i wanted to write but you see i only have an idea for one specific part#and i have 0 writing experience so i cant write it that well if i dont have a good udea 4 what i want to happen#anyways the premise is that feferi ascends to god tier (more like cod tier) after eridan kills her#& she revives nepeta and equius. the rest of the trolls r like hesitant to revive eridan right away#but feferi goes ahead and revives him anyway bc she has very conflicting feelings & shes like 'i just wanna talk 2 him 38('#ofc this backfires#eridan waking up & immediately assuming the worst; freaks out and runs away from her cuz he thinks shes gonna [krill] him again#(fish pun bc i saw the opportunity and couldn't resist)#then he runs into kanaya and freaks out EVEN MORE and then attempts to run down stairs & trips on his dumb scarf (affectionate)#and falls down a flight of stairs#ive had that specific scenario in my mind for like a few days now!!! and ive been dying to put it down somewhere!! augh#other cincepts i havent fleshed out include: eridan hiding from everyone on the meteor. eridan and gamzee alliance maybe.#some exploration on how kanaya feels abt this bc i feel like kanaya is always portrayed as angry at eridan but ppl forget WHY shes angry!!!#shes *greiving*. the matriorb was like the hope for their entire race & she was tasked 2 protect it and it got destroyed#its very sad to me. murderstuck as a whole is tragic 2 me because theyre all children and i dont think any of them shoulda died#idk i hope that makes sense#um also eridan putting themself in a cycle of 'not evil anymore i want to be loved now. evil again' cuz#characters who destroy their relationships w others over and over again mean everything to me. self destructive characters my beloved#and also everyone who was revived makes it to the alpha session so eridan and roxy friendship can thrive <3 (i am ill)#and also eridan transgender arc is mandatory sorry#wow i am sorry 4 talking so much down here ive been DYING 2 get this idea out but like#i cant ramble normally in posts i have to do it in the tags or i get self conscious otherwise agh#feel free to add onto this if youd like i think#homestuck#oh also maybe nonbinary roxy too maybe bc i really like nb roxy headcanon and also t4t pale eriroxy so wonderful
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aenhanse · 5 months
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people weren't lying those crossroads of twilight can really slog
#this is the longest it took me to finish a wheel of time book#i haven't been really posting my thoughts as i read through this series but i am an old man staring out his window rn#wot book spoilers#once i hit egwene pov chapters it definitely got better in terms of me actively wanting to sit down and read it#but the parts before... idk if it's because i had my usual break before picking up this book specifically but man.#tragic to me because elayne and mat povs are usually my favorite in the books but alas.#at least i got the “but she loved aviendha every bit as much as she did rand”. much to think about#but yeah it very much feels like a sort of filler book#i feel like a lot of the events could've been shortened?#but i do find a lot of what happened in the back half of the book interesting. like the introduction of so habor#and whatever is going on with mat seeing dead people?? yeah i'm kicking my leggies and am interested to see what's up with those things#although all three boys now getting in some ways alligned with the seanchan... :| not looking forward to that#and i find tuon intriguing she is interesting to me i just wish there was no romance plot here#overall i enjoyed the egwene chapters the most#egwene povs my new best friend#(i'm saying this as if i haven't liked them in previous books. i very much did but there were always povs that i enjoyed more in comparison#anyways. live randland reaction the book goes to the bottom of my list. i am walking off into the sunset with knife of dreams in my hand#olga talks
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alchemiclee · 7 months
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I hope someone writes a good fic about the high cloud quintet with all the messy pieces of lore we have because i'm very unsatisfied with what we got and I want MORE OF THEM. don't know why i'm so obsessed with this tragic group of friends but 😭 IM SO FEELINGS ABOUT THEM but also empty because they didn't satisfy me with what they gave us lmao I require more. but that was the end and i'll never get more....unless someone writes a great fic about them.....!
#hsr#words#one of the things that bothered me most was not seeing dan heng react to learning about blade/yingxing? hrm#everything in star rail seems super disconnected and rushed and i wish they could do the stories better#so i need someone to write a thing and fill in the gaps and add more and satisfy my need for a good story about these tragic losers#i want more baiheng because she seemed like the most adorable lovable thing 😭#i want more yingxing because i love him a lot for some reason i cant even figure out#i want jing yuan before he became a very sad and distant and lonely old man whose constant smile seems painfully fake.....#i want to see more of jing liu before she went crazy with mara#i want the gay and the lesbian hoyo cant give for legal reasons (xingyue/bailiu)#i want a story maybe starting with them meeting. becoming close and very good friends#maybe leading to their end dbdndnksksks it would hurt but im sure fandom writers can write it better than the game writers😅#im just rambling and reading makes me fall asleep and idk if anyone would ever write this but 😭#idk why my brain even clung onto them so much. theres other tragic friend stories this didnt happen with. why this one#i'd love a comic/manga about this group too but that even less likely than a fic. im sure other people like this group too#and maybe one is a fic writer. but an entire manga piece about them is unlikely 😅#its just easier for me to read when i can SEE it. thats just a preference tho#i feel like lore accurate fics arent as common tho? like taking all the lore you know and piecing it together into a whole story?#not that i read fics much so idk what im talking about but 99.9% if ones ive see are just ship fics only#what am i talking about i lost my train of thought lmao#anyway jingliu better come home. im at like 60 pity. where is she!!!!!!
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sleephearts · 1 year
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i will never get ovr anyfing kevin penkin composes (;´༎ຶД༎ຶ`)
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girlscience · 9 months
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I saw The Barbie Movie tonight and. I don't know. It is very beautiful, but I didn't really like it. And then I got to my parents for the night and watched The Imitation Game with my dad and now I'm super depressed.
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septembersghost · 9 months
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How sad, Sinead O'Connor passed away. One time I thought she did this song- confused. youtube. com/shorts/yuvrXGbOt10?feature=share Nothing Compares 2U by Prince youtu. be/0-EF60neguk Label bad motives youtu. be/mAf7fGEeRQs youtu. be/6Ejga4kJUts irishmusicdaily. com/blog/sinead-oconnor-ending-feud-dolores-oriordan So talented, yet torn like their homeland. independent. co. uk/arts-entertainment/arts-show-people-an-unexpected-source-of-success-the-cranberries-1407340. html
she had such a difficult life. :( tragically cut far too short, i hope she knew somehow that her voice did have an impact.
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As much as I joke about wanting to find love, I do try not to fantasize too much about what a future relationship would look like for me. I don't want to get my hopes up or set unrealistic expectations. But God. Sometimes I do yearn. But at the same time? I am so terrified of opening up and being hurt again.
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neverendingford · 3 months
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#tag talk#seeing hornyposting on tumblr makes me realize just how insecure my last bf was about his weight#and how much internalized phobia he had about so many things (but thinking about the fatphobia specifically here)#which like. tragic because I deadass forget that people irl do have and perpetuate fatphobia#like. he was so good and chunky and I loved that but he was so wildly insecure and wanted to be skinny again and I was like noooooo#the amount of times he would make fun of fat dudes and then turn around and shame himself for putting on weight.#not very healthy and also it's like that thing how it's hard to compliment someone if they always deflect it and insist you're wrong#hard to let someone know you actually do think they're hot as fuck when they're always like ew I'm ugly I wish I were different#also... a fat guy isn't gonna use his chub in a sexy way if he's insecure about it.#like. yes pin me down with your weight and make me breathe it in. but if that just makes you insecure about your body then you're not gonna#kinda like how if you like dick but the trans woman you're with is dysphoric about it then you're not both gonna have a good time#anyway. fat people rule and chub is good and one of my many goals is to assure the people I sleep with that I think their bellies are hot#I showered with my gf a few nights back and like. honestly damn. she asked about what I thought and I was like girl you're serving classical#like. very heart shaped in the way the belly lines lead toward the thighs. idk it's very beautiful and I like it a lot.#I get that a lot of people prefer my hyper-slim body type and sure that's fair. but don't erase us who prefer heavier people.#like. I keep thinking about her.#I don't remember which art period it is that's got her specific body type I said Renaissance but I looked and they're thinner there#anyway. still figuring out how my sexuality relates to my own body because gender dysphoria forever. but I know how I feel about others
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angeltism · 6 months
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waa why am I sorta embarrassed abt one of my fragments
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bootlegspiders · 7 days
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Hey, so for Watcher fans who may not wanna pay for another subscription or just wanna watch something new here are some other youtubers you should take a look at if you want to get a spook or learn some history
(* = potentially triggering topics covered usually associated with crimes, so be careful)
Ghost Hunting and general spooky vibes:
AmysCrypt - Your typical ghost hunting show with two Australians traveling the world, though I will say they do go to places I've never heard of before and they do very good research. And there are some goofs along with the spooks.
The Ouija Brothers - Two British dudes finding ghosts in England. The vibes are generally pretty chill and it's a good time
The Paranormal Scholar - A mixed bag of all paranormal happenings from ghosts to demons to cryptids and aliens. Sort of an overview to deepdives on various paranormal occurrences. The research is immaculate and their voice is very soothing in my opinion.
Paranormal Quest - Ghost hunting in the US, sometimes goofy sometimes serious, but they do go to some interesting places and some familiar ones too
Weird History:
ObsoleteOddity* - This guy is great, like 80% of the things he covers I've never heard of before. Very atmospheric, fun little visuals, and a large variety of weird events and people for topics.
Georgia Marie* - A little bit of everything, but she focuses on strange things that have happened, lgbt history, true crime, and historical disasters. She covers enough of everything that I'm sure you'll find something
Stefanie Valentine* - I'm not sure if she even posts anymore, but I thought what she was doing was great. Think Vampira or Elvira but for older true crime and ghost stories, I think the latest covered would have been like early 1900s. Idk I just thought it was like a cute spooky lil storytime
Caitlin Doughty or Ask A Mortician* - Pretty sure y'all would know who she is but just in case, she's a mortician who covers topics relating to death! From odd ways people have died, or odd things that have happened to people after they've died. And just odd or tragic things that have happened through history. It's silly, but done with levity and care and respect the topics deserve.
General History:
Part-Time Explorer - Mostly history on ships and ghost towns with the occasional train. Lots of research and interviews, very well done and worth checking out even if it may not be your thing.
History's Forgotten People - Talks about sometimes obscure, or sometimes not, historical individuals. Even if you've heard of the person in the topic, they'll talk on something obscure about that person.
History Tea Time with Lindsay Holiday - A heavy focus on royalty around the world, a generally upbeat dive into historic individuals.
(Or you could always go watch time team, that's an option and it's my guilty pleasure love me some archeology)
True Crime:
There are so many out there, so I'll just recommend two of my favorites
Gabulosis* - She focuses on vintage cases 20 years or older (literally in her opener) and is well researched and respectful. Another one that talks on cases I've never heard of that deserve to be heard.
Mysterious WV* - True crime and missing persons based in the West Virginia area and neighboring states. Idk how to even explain the vibes. This guy is just great please watch him trust me you won't be disappointed.
That's all for now, feel free to add your own recs out there!
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ofswordsandpens · 4 months
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I've enjoyed episode 3 the most so far, but I think the show is still struggling to find a good balance between taking itself seriously and the absurdist humor that RR writes with. My main takeaways:
The Fight Scenes (or Lack Thereof?)
It seems very peculiar to me that the show is just speed running through its battle scenes. Again, it feels very much like the product of Disney trying to sanitize anything that's too extreme?
The trio fleeing from the kindly ones in the book ended with Percy taking control of the bus and then crashing it. It explodes. They lose all of their stuff (money, food). In the show, they simply bail out the back window. No true panic. No tension. Just, okay :) we're leaving now :)
The Medusa Scene. I'll speak more to this later, but in terms of the fight we get to see... well we get to see nothing. Apparently this fight required us to view it through the lens of the invisibility cap (ie. not at all),
I understand this show is intended for a younger audience, but the books are as well. Even the movies, which are pg, came up with better ways to show things without necessarily showing things. As a result, it feels like anything that might induce the slightest bit of tension or fear are sanded down and its honestly doing such a disservice to the books and the audience.
Medusa
I actually really liked this portrayal of Medusa. The 1950s housewife vibe landed well for me. And I loved the actress's voice -- very soft and soothing but always sounding as if she were just about to cry.
Also, I really liked her dialogue. Her digs at Athena and Poseidon were perfectly tragic.
That being said, I really prefer the trio's arrival to the emporium in the book. In the books, they've been wandering the woods and are lost and exhausted and hungry because of the battle/bus crash where they've lost all of their stuff. It almost feels like the emporium popping up "out of nowhere" was more of it finding them.
Meanwhile in the show, Grover finds it through scent on a satyr path and they immediately know its Medusa, which imo takes out so much of the fun of it all??? In the books, they dont know. Grover's just like, freaking the ever living fuck out, and clearly Percy and Annabeth have let him take sole custody of the shared brain cell, cause they're more concerned about getting some food than anything else
Just... RIP dumbass shenanigans
And honestly, I'm not really sure what necessitated the change here in the show (of them not being tricked). It would have been one thing if they were going to change Medusa entirely to not wanting to harm them at all, but imo, I think its arguable/evident that show Medusa was looking for an excuse to petrify Annabeth and Grover (at minimum) regardless of anything.
Honestly, I would have had the show loosely play it out as: book arrival (they dont know its Medusa), keep the dumbass energy and banter, the trio figures out it Medusa while they're eating, Medusa is the more sympathetic version we see in the show, regardless it still ends with the battle.
Also, I do mourn the book battle. The panic and absurdity is just handled better imo. Annabeth shoving them off the bench, Grover flopping all over the place with the shoes but actively getting a good few hits in, Percy having to use to the reflection to behead her... the #TeamWork was emphasized a little more there to me.
Characterization
I think the show is absolutely nailing certain parts of the characters.
They've gotten Percy's anger and his derision towards the gods down. But, I think they're actually underscoring some of his, idk, sincerity? His kindness? It was the line "she met a pinecone's fate" that just rang off to me. While undoubtedly funny, it's just such a stark difference from his reaction to Thalia's story in the books, where he was unsettled by her fate and felt a sincere sympathy for her. The line in the show I assume is meant to criticize the gods, but still, it feels like it comes at the expense of the sensitivity that he has.
They've gotten Annabeth's bluntness, intelligence, pride, and superiority down cold. No question about it. But I feel like they just need to let her be more of a 12yo kid?
Like. In canon she and Percy banter and argue over the silliest of things. She plays hacky sack with Grover and Percy. She blushes and hyperventilates when Luke interacts with her. Episode 3 is like the first time we've gotten to see her do something remotely childish (buying all that candy) and I'm just dying for more of that!! She's not the "mom" of the group and she has her canon dumbass moments. I'm hoping more of this is captured moving forward. They've gotten a good start on the banter, but let Annabeth be more silly! Cause she is!
(Absolutely none of my personal qualms about the characterization are Walker or Leah's fault. They've done amazing. It's the writing/directing I'm side-eyeing).
OH! And I'm sorry but Percy being like "Annabeth we're going to bury medusa with your hat on" would have never ever flown with Annabeth. In no world.
But Grover eating them up at the end? Iconic. Good for him.
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randxmthxughts · 1 year
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Unrequited Love - Tsu'tey x Omatikaya!Reader
summary: you had been in love with tsu'tey for as long as you could remember. so when you see his heart break again at the loss of another mate, you offer him comfort, expecting nothing in return
genre/warnings: smut!, oral (m receiving), angst, unrequited love
wc: 2k
a/n: this is my first time writing smut, so i hope i didn't screw it up completely. please let me know if there's anything unrealistic or sounds silly (i am a virgin, idk what the hell i'm doing), i'll be glad to change it. also, please don't forget to leave some feedback, replies, whatever you want. i love reading what you have to say, and it always encourages me to write more ♡
masterlist - part 2
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︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
You watch in silence, your focus only on him. As things escalate between Tsu'tey and Jake, people around you begin to gasp and murmur, filling the space with noise. All you want to do is to call out his name, get him out of there. 
It’s obvious to you that his challenge means nothing. He does it to upkeep his reputation, but if he kills Jake, Neytiri will never choose him again. Tsu’tey draws a knife, bending down over Jake’s unconscious body.
“Neytiri was promised to me,” Tsu’tey grabs him by the hair, bringing his knife closer, “This is a demon in a false body. It should not live.”
Neytiri suddenly lunges at Tsu’tey with all her might. She knocks him off his feet and takes a defensive stance over Jake, baring her teeth and knife. You notice Tsu’tey's posture weaken, as he watches his mate claim Jake as her own in front of the whole clan. He knows it’s too late for him to fight, Neytiri and Jake are now mated for life. Your heart aches at the sight of Tsu’tey's bloodied face and the way he spits on the ground before retreating into the forest, disappearing from the crowd.
Desperately, you rush after him, ignoring the noise and commotion breaking around you. It takes some time for you to finally spot his frame, partially hidden between thick bushes, sitting on a rock with his head hanging low in defeat. 
Sylwanin was his first true love. You watched them fall in love while you were still children. Having a crush on somebody who was already claimed was tough on you, but you knew that Sylwanin and Tsu’tey were meant for each other, and you tried very hard to be happy for them.  You remember it as clear as a day when they announced their bond, and the way you cheered for them, joining in on the celebration. But in your heart, you couldn't help but wish for the kind of love that Tsu'tey had for Sylwanin. You prayed to Eywa that she would one day grant you such feeling.
Losing Sylwanin in that tragic accident was devastating already, but being arranged to mate with her sister instead must have been an unbearable burden for Tsu’tey. Your heart shattered into thousands of tiny pieces when you first heard the news, and there was nothing you could do to help. Tsu’tey was a great hunter and warrior, there was no one more deserving of being Olo’eyctan than him. And though he bonded with Neytiri over their shared grief, he knew that he could never love her the same way. When Sylwanin died, a part of him had also died with her. And now, witnessing Tsu’tey lose his mate to another man was agonizing.
“Tsu’tey,” you catch his attention, approaching him.
As if caught in a moment of vulnerability, Tsu’tey sits up straight. You grimace at the blood smeared around his beautiful face, eyes glistening with the threat of tears. Noticing your gaze lingering on him, Tsu’tey hurries to wipe his eyes. Future Olo’eyctan or not, he didn’t like that you saw him like this. Quickly, you reach forward and grasp his wrists, preventing him from hiding his face.
“‘M sorry,” you mumble.
“I’m fine,” he huffs, shaking his hands to free them from yours.
You don’t take offense to his harshness. Growing up, Tsu’tey always had a soft spot for you, but that did not apply during the moments of humiliation. You crouch down in front of him, letting his frame loom over you.
“You shouldn’t have followed me, Y/N,” he says, like it was an order you disobeyed.
You purse your lips, uncertain if Tsu’tey truly means it. Despite being only two years older than you, Tsu’tey still treated you like a child sometimes. Even as a kid, he exuded dominance and strength, his presence alone putting everyone intact. So whenever he saw boys bullying you, Tsu’tey was quick to tell them off. He would then nudge your shoulder, coaxing a smile from you, and consider his job done. But what he failed to recognize, after all these years, is that you never saw him the same way he saw you. Your heart ached every time you looked at him, knowing that he could never be yours, and that his own heart belonged to someone else.
“I don’t want to take out my anger on you,” Tsu’tey’s tone is stern, “You better leave, Y/N.”
“You can take it out on me, I don’t mind,” you say softly, as his eyes widen in confusion.
“I’m not kidding,” he warns you with a low growl.
“Please, let me help you,” you plead with him, resting your palms over his thighs, “I can take it, you don’t have to hold back.”
Tsu’tey rarely heard those words. He was always scolded for being short-tempered, acting out of anger. That those were unsuitable qualities for the future Olo’eyctan. Tsu’tey tried to contain it, but often old habits would slip right back in. He shifted under your touch, gazing at your hands, while his mind went to places where it shouldn’t go. He thought that he was probably reading you wrong, still upset over the fight.
You weren’t sure if this was where you wanted things to head, when you followed him. But right at this moment, you felt like there was nothing else you wanted to do for him. Your heart truly desired to see him relax for a moment, even if it was at the expense of your feelings. As you slowly moved your palms higher on his thighs, Tsu’tey drew in a short breath. He watched you silently until your fingers grazed the edges of his loincloth.
“You don’t have to,” Tsu’tey put his hands over yours, in an attempt to stop you, but all you could feel was the heat radiating off his skin, making your heart race.
“I want to,” you insist, “Let me make you feel good.”
“You know I can never truly devote myself to anyone else but Sylwanin,” his voice drops, and you have to perk your ears to hear him. 
“I know,” you move your fingers to his sides, reaching the ties of his loincloth, “I don’t expect anything in return.”
“Y/N…” Tsu’tey whispers but you shush him.
You notice the way he tries to resist the growing lust, despite longing for it to be satisfied. His mind tells him to walk away but his body doesn’t comply. Would it be so bad for him to get lost in the moment and just let it go? Let himself forget about all of his worries and pretend that he had nothing weighing down on him?
You hesitate before untying his loincloth, waiting for Tsu’tey to stop you, but he doesn’t. As the fabric slides off his sides, revealing his already hard cock, you’re taken aback slightly. Tsu’tey watches your reaction with a hint of shame; he can’t believe he’s already aroused just by the way you undressed him. 
Slowly, you lean in, pressing a soft kiss to his thigh. You hear Tsu’tey’s breath hitch and feel his muscles clench, as you start trailing kisses up his skin. When you reach his balls, you pause. You have never done anything like this before. Sure, you heard girls talk about pleasuring their mates in many ways, but you could only dream about making Tsu’tey happy. It’s scary.
You take a breath before planting wet kisses to his sack, then some more to the base of his member. Instinctively, his penis twitches underneath your lips, and you hear Tsu’tey let out a small moan. Your ears perk up at the sound so pleasant, you wish you could hear it everyday. You’ve never seen this side of Tsu’tey; he was always so stern, so aware of the way he presented himself to others. But here he is now, trembling under your touch, letting his guard down. Feeling braver, you wrap your lips around his sack, sucking in gently. Simultaneously, your fingers find their way around his penis, giving it a light squeeze.
“Tsahey,” he grunts through his teeth.
The sounds he makes are so satisfying, you feel heat rush to your cunt. You try to ignore the growing sensation, as you press your tongue flat against his shaft, and follow along a prominent vein. Tsu’tey’s grabs the back of your neck, bringing your face closer, ordering for more. You had no idea that you were unintentionally teasing him, making him impatient.
Getting his hint, you take the tip of his penis into your mouth, your tongue occasionally grazing the top, as you suck on it. You let the saliva drip out of your mouth and smear it over his shaft with your hand, beginning to draw small motions up and down, your mouth still working. 
“Take it all in,” Tsu’tey grunts, “Please.”
Tsu’tey had never sounded as desperate as he did right now. To please him, you lean in, trying to take his whole penis into your mouth. It was your best attempt, given how big he was, and feeling the tip press against the back of your throat. It tickles your skin like an annoying scratch you want to tend to. As you lose the rhythm of your breathing, suddenly feeling overwhelmed, you pull away. Instead, you work your hand up and down his penis, now completely covered in your saliva. You massage his balls with your other hand, and when you hear Tsu’tey draw in another short breath, your walls painfully clench around nothing. You push your thighs together, trying not to get distracted by your own desire.
As you pick up a rhythm with your hand, Tsu’tey’s muscles are clenching and relaxing at every movement. He starts to grow impatient, wishing to feel the inside of your mouth again, and reaches out to direct his penis into your mouth. You take him in.
“Tsahey,” he grunts again, then lets out a soft moan when you swirl your tongue around him.
Tsu’tey suddenly stands up, forcing you to sit up higher on your knees. This new position now allows him to slide his full length into you, tickling your throat and almost making you gag. Tears prick up at the corner of your eyes, as he starts jerking his hips forward in small, quick motions. To hold you in place, Tsu’tey grabs you by your hair, and starts speeding up, thrusting into you more violently. When he tugs at your queue, you let out a small whimper.
Distracted by the sound you just made, Tsu’tey slows down, locking his eyes on yours.
“Will you be alright?” he asks, his breath shaky. You suck on him as a sign of approval, “I just need a moment, I'm almost there."
Tsu’tey grips the back of your neck, and picks up the speed of his thrusts again, hitting the back of your throat with a new force. He is going harder on you, desperately chasing the wave of pleasure. Your mouth felt so warm, so soft around him, cheeks sucking and pressing against his length. The tears in your eyes turn your vision blurry, and you try to blink them away, to watch his face. He looks so beautiful.
Suddenly, you feel his member clench, and Tsu’tey pushes into you a few more times. His movements become sloppier, and when a loud groan escapes from his lips, you feel warm bitter liquid filling out your mouth.
“Mawey,” he whispers, his lids heavy, as he pulls out. 
He presses his fingers against your chin, lifting your head just enough to encourage you to swallow. You gulp down, maintaining eye contact, and Tsu’tey hums with a smile, satisfied. Your cunt clenches painfully, pleading for attention, and you squeeze your thighs again, trying to calm yourself down. 
Tsu’tey notices it immediately, eyes now lingering on your loincloth. You look away, embarrassed to get caught by him, and wipe your mouth.
“Thank you, Y/N,” he says, still standing bare in front of you.
It’s awkward, you don’t know how to behave now. You stand up, still not meeting his eyes.
“Feel a little better now?” you ask softly.
“Much better,” Tsu’tey places his fingers under your chin, forcing you to meet his eyes, “Do you want me to help you with that?”
Your cunt clenches again, when his gaze trails down your body. You feel heat rush to your face at the mere thought of Tsu'tey pleasuring you. But you’re too flustered, you’re not sure you can endure it. 
“No, this is not about me,” you shake your head, “I wanted to make you feel better because you didn’t deserve what happened.”
“I must be a fool,” Tsu’tey admits with a guilty sigh, “I never thought that you... that there was something.”
“I know you hadn’t,” you dismiss the way his eyes burn into yours.
“You deserve someone better. Who is not as broken as me,” his hand cups your cheek to offer you comfort.
“Please don’t,” you pull away, interrupting him before he can pity you, “I know you don’t feel the same, Tsu’tey, it’s alright.”
You force a small smile, blinking away the tears in your eyes. The moment between you is fleeting, but it weighs heavy on your heart. You know that he can never love you.
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
part 2
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