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neoptolemid · 3 years

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Neoptolemus super doc ? ??

ARE WE ABSOLUTELY SURE,, , ,, ,

uh okay, I pull together my super document of Pyrrhus, have pardon cause it's a bit old and i'm gonna spread it through like 3 or 4 posts probably , , so uh enjoy and I'm sorry for all grammatical errors

Skyros

Pyrrhus was born by the name Pyrrhus and this was based either on his red hair or due to Achilles name of Skyros being Pyrrha.

When it comes to appearances I generally describe him as a good mix of both Deidamia and Achilles’ traits, having inherited Deidamia’s red hair and Achilles Blue/teal eyes. He is around the middle of both of his parent’s height as I make Achilles 6’0 and Deidamia 5’3 when full grown, Pyrhhus rounds out to be 5’6. He also has a number of beauty marks which are similar to Achilles’.

It is unknown how long Achilles stayed on Skyros or when Pyrrhus was born. Either way Achilles did know about his son, we know this from the fact Achilles makes references to his son within the Iliad and Odyssey.

I like to believe that part of Pyrrhus growing up with his mother and aunts is that he has a lot of appreciation for women’s crafts and what they do. That he as a younger child would simply sit and be by his mother and/or aunts as they worked enjoying their company.

He would try his best growing up to join into their songs and dances, and at least once dressed himself in girls clothes to show his mother and aunts which got a good laugh out of them.

From Quintus ‘Fall of Troy’ we are informed that learning to fight and it was Odysseus and Diomedes who came with their black sails to ask him to join the war cause. He was promised to marry Menelaus’s daughter Hermione, he was also promised to have Achilles’ armor and gold, riches, and glory for coming with them.

While work will generally age him to being a young man or simply portray him to be very well spoken, if you follow along with the time line it is very possible that Pyrrhus is only 11 or 12 when he leaves Skyros, I tend to write him as being 13 for my own comfort.

Another thing to note form Quintus’s piece on Pyrrhus is they depict this being especially sad for Deidamia, she is written as having weeped and weeped. She doesn’t want him to leave because she doesn’t want him going to war and leaving her. She doesn’t want him hurt and she doesn’t want another person she loves leaving her again.

Deidamia Pyrrhus’s mother is written as loving him and I interpret bits of this story as Pyrrhus is the only tie to Achilles she has. Generally I prefer the idea that Deidamia did care for Achilles and so it did break her heart that he left and she had hoped that he would return eventually to her and their son.

Over the years she understood more and more that he would not return, so all she had was her son, and then eventually they come and take him from her as well.

Mattering on the version of the story, it is fully possible that Deidamia may have never seen her son again once he left the island.

Dawn climbed the wide-arched heaven, straightway they rose from their beds. Then Deidameia knew; and on her son's broad breast she cast herself, and bitterly wailed: her cry thrilled through the air, as when a cow loud-lowing mid the hills seeks through the glens her calf, and all around Echo long ridges of the mountain-steep; so on all sides from dim recesses rang the hall; and in her misery she cried: "Child, wherefore is thy soul now on the wing to follow strangers unto Ilium the fount of tears, where perish many in fight, yea, cunning men in war and battle grim? And thou art but a youth, and hast not learnt the ways of war, which save men in the day of peril. Hearken thou to me, abide here in thine home, lest evil tidings come from Troy unto my ears, that thou in fight hast perished; for mine heart saith, never thou hitherward shalt from battle-toil return. Not even thy sire escaped the doom of death -- he, mightier than thou, mightier than all heroes on earth, yea, and a Goddess' son -- but was in battle slain, all through the wiles and crafty counsels of these very men who now to woeful war be kindling thee. Therefore mine heart is full of shuddering fear lest, son, my lot should be to live bereaved of thee, and to endure dishonour and pain, for never heavier blow on woman falls than when her lord hath perished, and her sons die also, and her house is left to her desolate. Straightway evil men remove her landmarks, yea, and rob her of her all, setting the right at naught. There is no lot more woeful and more helpless than is hers who is left a widow in a desolate home."

Lemnos

Pyrrhus agrees to go with them and on the way they stop by the island of Lemnos to get Philoctetes. Odysseus makes Neoptolemus lie to Philoctetes because he knows that he hates Odysseus because he is the man who abandoned him on Lemnos and he knows that Philoctetes doesn’t want to go to Troy but back to Greece and to his home.

This causes a Pyrrhus strife because he has been taught to be noble up until now, in the play Philoctetes by Sophocles we are shown multiple times how this causes him strife because he is having to lie. Philoctetes also considers Pyrrhus to be a friend because Pyrrhus lies and says that he wants to go back home to Skyros because of the way he is treated by the other Greeks even though he hasn’t met any of them yet to our knowledge.

Good lines from this play that I personally characterize him are

‘It would have been better if i had never left scyros. Everything around me oppresses me ..’

‘He’ll (odysseus) claim i’m too soft-hearted’

‘I can’t. It is right and in our interest to listen to those in authority’

Some of the best development to see from this is how he was raised to be noble and how he doesn’t want to trick people or lie, he wants to be honest.

Another thing I find interesting to read from specifically this play is how Pyrrhus is very rarely called by his own name, he is almost always referred to ‘son of achilles’ and also in this play he is often referred to as ‘child’ or ‘boy’.

While none of these things are brought up as an issue in the play I do think it is a detail you can play with, like how it might weigh on an individual to be always referred to by your famous father or how people don’t recognize you by your name but by your father’s.

I think these are things that would weigh on Pyrrhus he wants to live up to his father but it also oppresses him to be referred in such a way. He wants to be like his father but he is still his own individual which he doesn’t feel recognized by as people continually anything but his own name.

To the idea of playing into the fact he is also often called ‘boy’ or ‘child’ These could be names that eventually upset and anger him. He is being dragged into this war like he is old enough to fight, which he is not and yet he is not recognized as such by those around him.

It is a case of a child feeling indignatinge by being called terms which denote being naive, though I like to think there is some justification for his anger because this isn’t just a small thing but he is being taken into a man's world.

In Philoctetes he is referred to by the name Neoptolemus, he was given this name by Phoenix, a man also considered to be a father by Achilles. Phoenix is one of the oldest men in the Trojan war and he is either involved with Pyrrhus coming from the island to Skyros to the war or some time later down the road. He gave him this name because it means ‘new war/warrior’ it is meant to reflect how Achilles himself was a young man when he entered the war.

It is honestly more common to see Pyrrhus referred to as Neoptolemus by the Greeks and Pyrrhus by Roman sources to my knowledge. (i’ll be using Pyrrhus just for simplicity)

Troy

There are a lot of various stories that have to do with the fall of Troy, we have records again from Quintus “Fall of Troy” and the “Aeneid” by Vergil. There are also a number of plays by the three tragedians of Ancient Greece(Sophocles, Euripides, Aeschylus) that have to do with the end of the war and various stories of the aftermath.

While Pyrrhus doesn’t appear in these very often they still help to give more insight to his possible character.

Pyrrhus makes a minor appearance within the play of ‘hecuba’ and is in the background of ‘andromache’, he makes no appearance within this story but he is directly related to things happening in the play.

Back onto the subject of the fall of Troy, he is regarded as the killer of both Astyanax and Priam. These are generally agreed upon details and sometimes Odysseus fills the role of Pyrrhus when the story decides they don’t want to introduce more characters.

He is generally described as being ‘battle-eager’ ‘Fierce-hearted’ and a few other epithets relating to fighting. In general he is not described as being worse than anyone else. The fall of Troy is a greek work and all the Greeks within this work are killing and fighting people. He is by all means a competent fighter within the text.

In the Odyssey when Odysseus goes into the underworld and speaks with the dead, and when Achilles comes to speak he asks about his son.

Odysseus describes him as

‘but I can tell you all about your son Neoptolemus, for I took him in my own ship from Scyros with the Achaeans. In our councils of war before Troy he was always first to speak, and his judgement was unerring. Nestor and I were the only two who could surpass him; and when it came to fighting on the plain of Troy, he would never remain with the body of his men, but would dash on far in front, foremost of them all in valour. Many a man did he kill in battle- I cannot name every single one of those whom he slew while fighting on the side of the Argives, but will only say how he killed that valiant hero Eurypylus son of Telephus, who was the handsomest man I ever saw except Memnon; many others also of the Ceteians fell around him by reason of a woman's bribes. Moreover, when all the bravest of the Argives went inside the horse that Epeus had made, and it was left to me to settle when we should either open the door of our ambuscade, or close it, though all the other leaders and chief men among the Danaans were drying their eyes and quaking in every limb, I never once saw him turn pale nor wipe a tear from his cheek; he was all the time urging me to break out from the horse- grasping the handle of his sword and his bronze-shod spear, and breathing fury against the foe. Yet when we had sacked the city of Priam he got his handsome share of the prize money and went on board (such is the fortune of war) without a wound upon him, neither from a thrown spear nor in close combat, for the rage of Mars is a matter of great chance.'

In general from the greek sources he is described as nobly.

He is noted for killing quite a few people during the fall of Troy but his most notable kills are Priam, who he kills within the throne room (to my knowledge) and Astyanax who is killed after Troy has fallen.

In the Aeneid by Vergil he is described in ways that frame him a more villainous or evil way

‘The fatal work inhuman Pyrrhus plies,’

During when Pyrrhus is about to kill Priam there is a line that I believe characterizes him as more of a tragic character than anything else. Before killing Priam, Priam berates him about how Pyrrhus is about to treat Priam because of how Achilles showed him humanity and how Achilles gives Priam his son’s body back. This is partly brung up because Pyrrhus getting into the throne room kills one of Priam’s sons in front of his face.

The line basically translates out to be Pyrrhus telling Priam that when he dies and sees his father to tell him of the terrible deed of his son, of how terrible his son is.

In the translation that I read they use the line ‘Tell him of degenerate Neoptolemus’

When in the context of the Philoctetes I think this paints Pyrrhus as being a rather tragic and sad character, because prior to going to the island of Lemnos Pyrrhus tried to act most noble, he wants to be noble like his father. When on Lemnos he has his morals questioned and is forced to go against his morales at the hand of Odysseus.

I interpret this as him vocalizing how he might be upset with himself as he is forced to look at the reality of war which isn’t noble or glorious at all. He wants to live up to the noble idea of his father and everything he is forced to do makes him feel terrible.

I personally think that Pyrrhus probably doesn’t know a lot about the terrible things that Achilles has done or he tries to ignore them. When fighting in the war he might realize his idea of his father might not truly be acturte, he was raised on stories from his mother telling him of his outstanding father.

In terms of justifying his actions during the war because going off my own headcanon he probably wouldn’t be so interested in killing so many people, I imagine he kinda just turns off his head and acts purely on his emotions and just acts like that of a soldier. (Is this PTSD?)

He follows the orders given to him and acts without questioning and lets all his emotions out. I personally don’t assign Pyrrhus that much pride but I like to think he inherited some of his fathers famous anger. All of his anger at what he is being forced to do comes out when he is forced to fight.

That is where the brutality of his portrayal within the Aeneid comes from.

#super doc sorry #my thoughts #my terrible terrible thoughts of my boy #I am sorry some of these thoughts are kinda old and need to get updated lol #neoptolemus #pyrrhus #the iliad #(I guess)#my super doc of all things

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sarcasmandships · 3 years

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why derek hale deserves better:

derek hale’s character had so much potential to bring attention to male survivors of sexual violence, particularly when perpetrated by an older, attractive female and break away from the ‘oh but she’s hot, you’re so lucky’ (looking at u ryan murphy) trope that is disgustingly common in media but jeff davis is a weak ass bitch and just introduces a character with endless trauma but refuses to recognise or develop it??

he also has endless trauma from his family being hate crime’d to death and his surviving sister being murdered and having her body mutilated but apparently derek is unaffected with this and the only time we see him express a feeling about it is when the plot needs tension between the werewolves and the hunters??

throughout teen wolf we see examples of bodily autonomy and consent being taken away, most notably with stiles and the nogitsune and lydia being controlled by peter - but the same attention never seems to be given to derek who was taken of advantage to by kate (twice!!) so that she could burn his entire family alive and then use him to control her were-jaguar impulses - a series of events which leads to him (temporarily) losing his powers and making him feel overwhelmingly helpless and vulnerable as he becomes more human/loses a key part of his identity

tw: rape mention

not that the weird kate/derek dynamic needs to be pointed out but he was an emotionally vulnerable teenager and she was a grown woman who committed statutory rape (im not sure of derek’s age to say whether it was legally statutory rape but in my brain she took advantage of someone much younger and more naive than her and im going to consider this statutory rape from my own moral standpoint) against him whilst actively hunting people like him

even when derek is an adult the dynamic between them is toxic like when she shoots him with a wolfsbane bullet and that weird scene when she has him locked up and licks his abs? their dynamic always has derek in a vulnerable position regardless of his age, and show kate to have the upper hand, and their scenes (the scene when kate reveals werewolves to allison comes to mind again) always seem to have a degree of sexual coding like was it necessary for derek to be shirtless in that scene? no - and it was probably intended to be from more of a ‘let’s show of tyler hoechlin’s abs’ perspective but (to me personally and likely for others) it doesn’t come across that way it just shows derek again in a vulnerable position, at the hands of a woman who has taken advantage of him in the past and he is being unecessarily sexualised

not sexually motivated but he was also manipulated by his uncle (who at this time he seemed to trust) into a series of events which ended in him having to kill the girl he loves (which in turn leads to being used and manipulated by another woman years later) and the only residual impact this seems to have on him is ‘ooo he has blue eyes’, this undoubtedly puts derek in an emotionally vulnerable position which may have aided in kate being able to manipulate him but we still never see any real impact of this on derek in canon

i know he his portrayed as a private and reserved character but there was so much wasted potential here and the lack of attention given to the trauma in derek’s past really minimises the horror of it and makes it easier for the casual viewer to dismiss the impact that trauma like that would have on a person if they were not a fictional character - he doesn’t even seem to get any attention from the other characters in the show who are made aware of derek’s past including kate, paige, and the fire but it’s like ‘derek will be derek’ rather than ‘wtf this guy needs help and support’, although i would’ve liked a developed plot where derek confronts and overcomes all the shit he’s been put thorough I’d have accepted a crumb of derek getting the emotional support he needs

jennifer (who we know to be a master manipulator) is the second woman who uses sex to manipulate derek as she tries to use him to help her take down the alpha pack and in the process of her plan she nearly kills derek’s sister and derek gives up his alpha powers to save her, once again leaving him less powerful than he was before and leaving him vulnerable

isaac makes a comment about how derek was ‘rolling around the sheets with the real killer’ as though derek was supposed to know that jennifer was the darach when no one else had figured it out/even suspected her - jennifer kills stiles’ friend and nearly kills lydia, but she doesn’t have as much impact on any other main character as she does on derek - we don’t know too much about the nature of their relationship but derek does go to her after he is injured episode 3x05/3x06(?) and he does have some feelings for her and wants to protect her - at the very least they have an emotional connection and jennifer uses sex and intimacy to manipulate derek like a pawn in her overall plan

continuing with the themes of bodily autonomy and consent derek’s body is repeated used against his will - like in season 2 when scott forces derek to bite gerard (although this was part of a larger plan this doesn’t take away from the fact that derek’s autonomy was stripped away again) and in season 3 when derek’s claws are used to kill boyd- not only painful for him because he is taking the life of a friend and a member of his own pack but also because of derek’s ‘im a predator but i don’t have to be a killer’ line which shows us that CHOICE is important to him and he wants to have control over the actions and path he takes (which is probably fair to say for most people but is specifially an important part of derek’s character)

overall, derek is repeatedly manipulated by people he is supposed to trust and care for - he has a whole lot of trauma for his teen years which could have been so well addressed in the show and brought awareness to male sexual violence (already unrepresented) and teen wolf could’ve really stood out against other teen dramas but jeff davis and the writers weren’t willing to go in that direction (but they still gave us the train wreck of season 4??) and instead derek’s character is left as this stoic, eye candy guy with so much wasted potential

rant over x

(soz for any spelling mistakes/bad grammar but it’s half one in the morning here n i had a lot of thoughts to get out before i went to sleep)

#Derek Hale deserved better #this was LONG so shoutout to u if u read all of my rant x #teen wolf #Jeff Davis #stiles Stilinski #Derek Hale #kate argent #lydia martin #scott mcall #derek hale deserves nice things #sarcasmandships #tw: rape mention

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davidmann95 · 3 years

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So you've talked a lot about Darkseid, but what about the other New Gods?

SO THIS HAS BEEN IN MY INBOX FOR ALMOST AS LONG AS THIS BLOG’S BEEN AROUND AND I JUST FINALLY FINISHED FOURTH WORLD

Well that sure was something. My musings on some major players that I either have substantial thoughts on, or where I especially think the majority consensus/interpretation has subsequently gotten them wrong (a state Kirby is well aware of, because a HUGE part of “Even Gods Can Die!” is him being frustrated at subsequent handlings of the characters even by 1984 mucking things up):

Orion: Perhaps the most hard-done by as a result of Kirby never being able to fully finish Fourth World as he had imagined it, as his character arc ends on a cliffhanger for a decade and is forced into a rapid completion later. When he emerges, while a warrior born he’s also every bit the classical, magnificent hero you expect to see in a superhero comic to try and overshadow his inner demons, while by the end of New Gods he’s embraced not only his true face (the OTHER face, as his father would put it) in the fight against Apokolips but the murderous, sadistic rage that is his birthright, reveling in inflicting agony and very much the berserker others have since portrayed him as. Surely as much a product of his trauma from a childhood on Apokolips (a detail frequently glossed over) and a sense of being unwanted as anything genetic, it’s ultimately unconditional love for him as he truly is in Hunger Dogs that lets him overcome his fear that he can’t be anything but a monstrous tool in service of better people than himself, and embrace ‘the tomorrow overture’. Even his anger has its righteous if tragic place as a primal force of upheaval: “It defies time! It stands firm against the hammers of change! It mocks life and defies death!” I won’t get to it for awhile yet, but very curious what Simonson does with him.

Lightray: Rules! He’s the closest the New Gods have to a traditional superhero, and it’s in that capacity that while a lousy warrior next to Orion (Kalibak thinks little of his attempt at fighting him, mockingly deeming him a “callow little killer”), his strength is in transformation: he makes himself light, he turns a tormented weapon into the glory boat, a machine armed against the New Gods into a weapon against Darkseid, Orion from a man alone into a friend. He’s not a warrior, but he’s the one who makes a better world worth waging war for and who might one day make such war unnecessary. Also he and Orion have definitely fucked.

Mister Miracle: Not WILDLY off the mark since, but it’s interesting that as I expect a result of JLI he’s been written so often since as an everymanish, relatable, bordering-on-comedic figure, when under Kirby he was very much the archetypal good guy. One often committed to freeing others as he had been freed himself, in the likes of Ted Brown and Shilo Norman, an avenue I’m surprised hasn’t been explored more often from what I’ve seen. Also worth noting: Darkseid declared the moment he got his hands on the kid that Granny would be twice as hard on him as others, and that it would eventually drive the boy away and let the war resume. Which not only indicates Darkseid’s understanding of the subtlety needed in control, but would seem to take Scott’s rebellion out of his own hands…except that at the moment of his escape Darkseid still offered him a choice, implored the boy to allow him to “complete the destruction of Scott Free – so you may live with the majesty that is the power of DARKSEID!” And instead he turned his back on his god and chose to be what he is.

Barda: Shockingly, great as she’s been since, her background is often severely mischaracterized. The shorthand is “love saved her and turned her from a servant of evil to a champion of good!”, but that’s…while not entirely wrong, a bad way of presenting it. When she leaves Apokolips initially, even after she starts hanging out with Scott Free and Oberson after having helped the former escape years earlier, she still believes in Darkseid. She fights and hates her former allies not because she’s turned against his vision of the universe (this is in fact a major aspect often overlooked - under Kirby Darkseid’s agents don’t simply fear him, they sincerely believe in him and his vision of how the universe works) but because she sees them as loathsome, brutish executors of his grand design. In short, she doesn’t think it’s the system that’s the problem, but a bunch of bad apples. It’s her experience with freedom and simple pleasures and life on Earth, her lingering guilt over the death of her friend Auralie as eventually manifested in her protection and training of Shiloh Norman, and yes, her eventual realized love for Scott, that brings her around to realizing she truly desires a life beyond what Darkseid can offer.

Forever People: Okay I actually don’t have a ton to say about the Forever People, though I do think they’re underrated and underutilized. Naive and in over their heads as the frequently are they’re also the best of their peers, believing in freedom and transformation and the potential of those around them to become better - their defining moment for me is when they reassure Sonny Sumo that having the power of the Anti-Life Equation doesn’t make him a monster. “Where we come from the Anti-Life Equation is one of many others–almost as awesome!! But they merely exist!! It’s we who live!!”

Metron: The big figure I haven’t really been able to crack. Machinery as not necessarily cold mechanization but extensions of ourselves and our souls, and able to nourish them in turn, is a big aspect of Fourth World, but Metron as the embodiment of mechanization and knowledge feels like not just an outsider as he’s framed but one who never quite became whatever Kirby had in mind for him, making his crucial role at the end of Hunger Dogs a bit of a non-sequitur for me. I’d be curious to hear what other people think.

Desaad: God Desaad’s been made boring. Not that he isn’t fairly one-dimensional under Kirby too, but his craft and awful glee as the god of torture isn’t just in strapping people to tables and poking them with unpleasant tools, it’s in manipulating their emotions and agonies to a fever pitch - he should be such an unsettling figure, and instead he’s a simpering helpless toady.

Highfather: Not a perfect figure, given how he’s framed with the likes of Fastbak, and the Forever People, and the Pact, willing to deploy fear as a weapon in the name of peace as Darkseid will use chaos in the name of a larger order, but always trying - as with Darkseid, an imperfect vessel of what he represents, but capable of growth and realization as a leader.

Steppenwolf/Heggra: Essential to understanding The Pact, they’re the old ways of the world and war, petty despots and warrior-kings, supplanted by fascism in Darkseid.

Darkseid: So I’ve discussed Darkseid before in terms of his broad use and ideas, but the very specific ways Kirby presented him have their own dimensions. In the world of superheroes he’s larger-than-life and often such in here too, but in rare moments, and by the end entirely as all artifice is stripped away? Kirby’s Darkseid is a profoundly human figure. He recognizes the irony that the Forever People believe in letting all be who they are, for that very need to fulfill himself is why he must pursue conquest (“And of course - that’s the pity of it!”). While he thinks to himself “Oh, how heroes LOVE to flaunt their nobility in the face of death! Yet THEY know better than most that war is but the COLD game of the BUTCHER!” he too believes in “Boldness! Risk! The raw meat of existence!” even as he consigns himself to the role of puppetmaster rather than warrior. He does or so he tells himself “no more than what HAS to be done!!” rather than indulging in cruelty for its own sake. He dresses up in ridiculous costumes for his schemes, he gets sarcastic, he recognizes honor and respects worthy foes, he feels love, he craves the laughter of a friend, he fears the obsolesce of his preferred way of doing things, he tells himself that should he achieve omnipotence others will find “eternal shelter”. He’s a person, one capable of a range of emotions, but he is the TIGER FORCE AT THE CORE OF ALL THINGS regardless…not because he is a mythic unstoppable force, but because every day he rises and believes in himself over all others, because there is a black hole within him that he can only hope dominance might fill regardless of what pain he finds in the process. But as Mister Miracle’s battle with the Lump foretold, when left truly alone over a world that is himself he will be only within “a self-made prison”, reflections of his own fear and agony.

#New Gods #Fourth World #Kirby #Orion #Lightray #Mister Miracle #Barda #Forever People #Metron #Desaad #Highfather #Darkseid #Opinion

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oberlincollegelibraries · 3 years

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Weekend Edition: Books by Asian Authors

Whether you choose to read a novel by an Asian American author or a translation for an author from an Asian country (or in the original language!) you are sure to find a wide variety of topics, writing styles, and genres. You will find long reads and short ones. There is not “one type” of book by an Asian author, but a wide variety of reads to enjoy.

Girls Burn Brighter by Shobha Rao. The Huffington Post An electrifying debut novel about the extraordinary bond between two girls driven apart by circumstance but relentless in their search for one another. Poornima and Savitha have three strikes against them: they are poor, they are ambitious, and they are girls.

The Story of a Goat by Perumal Murugan ; translated from the Tamil by N. Kalyan Raman "In his brilliant new novel, Perumal Murugan paints a bucolic yet menacing portrait of the rural lives of India's farming community through the story of a helpless young animal lost in a world it naively misunderstands. A farmer in Tamil Nadu is watching the sun set over his village one evening when a mysterious stranger, a giant man, appears on the horizon. (title page verso)

The Farm : a Novel by Joanne Ramos Nestled in New York's Hudson Valley is a luxury retreat boasting every amenity: organic meals, private fitness trainers, daily massages--and all of it for free. In fact, you're paid big money to stay here--more than you've ever dreamed of. The catch? For nine months, you cannot leave the grounds; your movements are monitored, and you are cut off from your former life while you dedicate yourself to the task of producing the perfect baby. Jane, an immigrant from the Philippines, is in desperate search of a better future when she commits to being a Host at Golden Oaks

Minor Feelings : An Asian American Reckoning by Cathy Park Hong Part memoir and part cultural criticism, this collection is vulnerable, humorous, and provocative--and its relentless and riveting pursuit of vital questions around family and friendship, art and politics, identity and individuality, will change the way you think about our world. Binding these essays together is Hong's theory of "minor feelings." As the daughter of Korean immigrants, Cathy Park Hong grew up steeped in shame, suspicion, and melancholy. She would later understand that these "minor feelings" occur when American optimism contradicts your own reality- (Saloon)

The Strange Library by Haruki Murakami ; translated by Ted Goossen “From internationally acclaimed author Haruki Murakami--a fantastical illustrated short novel about a boy imprisoned in a nightmarish library. Opening the flaps on this unique little book, readers will find themselves immersed in the strange world of best-selling Haruki Murakami's wild imagination. The story of a lonely boy, a mysterious girl, and a tormented sheep man plotting their escape from a nightmarish library, the book is like nothing else Murakami has written. Designed by Chip Kidd and fully illustrated, in full color, throughout, this small format, 96 page volume is a treat for book lovers of all ages. “

Interior Chinatown by Charles Yu. “Every day Willis Wu leaves his tiny room in a Chinatown SRO and enters the Golden Palace restaurant, where Black and White, a procedural cop show, is in perpetual production. He's a bit player here too, but he dreams of being Kung Fu Guy-- and he sees his life as a script. After stumbling into the spotlight, Willis finds himself launched into a wider world than he has ever known, discovering not only the secret history of Chinatown, but the buried legacy of his own family, and what that means for him in today's America”

The White Book by Han Kang ; translated from the Korean by Deborah Smith From the winner of the Man Booker International Prize for The Vegetarian comes a stunning meditation on the colour white; about light, about death and about ritual. Sixty-five short interconnected chapters portray humanity and all its suffering and resiliency

Tell us if you picked one of the reads from here by an Asian author and what you thought. Post a picture of the book cover on Facebook, Instagram or Twitter with the hashtag #OCLReads.

#OCL reads #oclreading challenge #ocl bingo #Oberlin College #oberlin college libraries #asian author #asian american #book recommendations #weekend edition #OCLreads

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cutegirlmayra · 4 years

Note

Here's an angsty prompt idea. After their latest battle with Eggman his latest invention inadvertently gets Amy sick which is quickly becoming fatal (not necessarily what IDW is doing but like same vibe you know). Sonic demands Eggman do something to fix this and save her. And we all know Sonic isn't the most emotionally vulnerable but when it gets touch and go he really fears it might be the end. But Amy gets healed and all's well that ends well. Appreciate it ^_^

Only if you’re okay with me going SUPER angsty lol.

-----------------*TRIGGER WARNING*--------: This will be dealing with disabilities/seizure like symptoms, if you are sensitive to this material, please read any of my other fanfictions! (As someone with Asbergers and ADHD, I hope you’ll understand that I know the severity of the context, but I’m in no way trying to make fun of or portray disability in any negative way. If my writing appears as such please note it was unintentional.)

I have put a ‘Keep Reading’ for those of you who wish not to read it.

(Image found from this location: (x), if you have art you’d like to showcase, I still need Preview Images! I’d love to have some helpful artist allow me permission to use their art with their links as credit to advertise their works and also for a preview image to my prompts, thank you so much and support the original creator of this image!)

Prompt:

After all was said and done... no one thought it would turn out like this.

Sonic, Tails, Knuckles, and Silver all piled around as Sonic sat beneath a shaded tree and held a sleeping Amy next to him.

“This doesn’t look too good...” Tails had taken a sample of Eggman’s third party experimental toxin, meant for Sonic but the enemy ended up targeting Amy as a test-run.

Needless to say, Eggman ended his alliance with the third party after he got ‘experimental crazy’ and decided he didn’t want to work with someone so trigger-happy.

The toxin seemed to place Amy in an endless sleep cycle, but she would twitch or sound off painful whimpers and groans and toss in the sleep at times.

“The data suggests it’s attacking her brain, working it’s way up from the injection point it was shot from all the way up the spinal chord, so it’s striking the main hub for communication signals to the rest of the body.” Tails was watching the gunky chemical inside her progressing at a sluggish pace as it infected up the spinal chord, but not quite at the brain yet.

The image made it look like it was hugging her spine and oozing its way up, but still had a ways to go.

Sonic blinked his eyes, not sure what this could all mean but looked down at Amy. She started her twitches and sounds of pain, so he took his hand and moved it up off of where she was leaning, looping it around to rub the opposite shoulder and looked back to Tails. Her struggles ended with struggling pants, before going back into a deep sleep.

Silver shook his head, folding his arms. He was clearly distressed, him and Amy had joined up early in the adventure, he felt this was somehow his fault, even though he did nothing wrong.

“That madman just kept shooting those shots with that drug everywhere! Whatever it is, it’s got to be a threat to the future as well.” He was so focused on the task at hand, that he hadn’t looked back until he heard Amy cry out and bent to a knee, seeing she had taken a hit for him.

Eggman hollered about waiting for Sonic to be the first hit, but the third party seemed to have their own agenda, and almost shot Eggman too.

Everyone escaped getting hit and defeated both him and Eggman before they parted ways, taking Amy’s limp form somewhere safe.

Before she was fully under the chemical’s effects, she had flinched and stiffened on the ground, trying to keep her pain silent before dropping into the blacked-out state...

“We have to find Eggman, he’s the one who knows the most about this experimental chemical.” Tails motioned his hands, then showed the gunk’s path upwards by pointing to Amy and traveling his hand up from where her spin would be. “We’ve still got time, a couple hours, just going off an estimate.”

Sonic looked back to Amy, “I can’t leave her like this, Tails. She’s unsafe, and that guy still hasn’t shown up yet.”

It was true that they lost sight of the mad scientist, but they were unaware Eggman had separated himself from their ‘unethical services’ but mostly because they wouldn’t follow orders.

Silver shook his head, getting a grip on his emotions. “I’ll do it.”

Knuckles, remaining silently crushed by the lack of help he could offer, turned in surprise to Silver.

“I’m partly the reason this happened... if I just had looked back and paid more attention to her...” he closed his eyes, clearly distraught as Knuckles turned his head away, also thinking that since Silver was with her, he should have been more attentive.

“It’s not your fault, Silver.” Showing some compassion, Tails moved over to him and placed a reassuring hand on Silver’s arm. “Honest, I’m sure if Amy could, she’d say the same thing too.”

Silver looked to Tails and sighed, nodding. During his brief moments of meeting her, he could tell she was a very kind girl.

“I know that, but... I still feel awful!” He kicked the ground and turned away, but looked back over his shoulder to Sonic. “Sonic,... I promise you, I’ll do what I can to keep her safe... but you have to go and confront Eggman about all this.” He swiped out his hand, showing his strong sense of justice as his eyebrows narrowed in his anger.

Sonic waited a moment, as though weighing his options and looked down at Amy.

He gently picked her up, and carried her over to Silver.

In a few short gestures with his eyes, he showed that he was passing the responsibility over to Silver, however short the time would be from him facing Eggman and then coming back to her.

They held a stare for a long time... as though both hedgehogs were making a silent contract, and Silver finally bowed slightly as he took Amy.

Sonic’s hand gripped her arm that was about to flop off her stomach and dangle to her side but his fast reflexes had caught it. He held it a moment, as though transferring the responsibility was a difficult decision. But... if there was hope, he was going to go for it, and Amy would have to be okay...

He had to make sure of it.

He slowly placed it back on her stomach, rubbing her hand discreetly as though promising her he wouldn’t be too long.

He then looked back up to Silver and nodded, the transaction was made and the message was loud and clear.

Don’t Fail.

As Sonic gestured for Tails and Knuckles to follow with a pivot to the new route and a nod, Tails spun his tails and lifted off the ground, taking one final look to Amy and Silver. He smiled weakly, as though also showing his agreement to this, and then went to follow Sonic.

Knuckles... just walked by, glaring Silver down... but finally he unfolded his arms and groaned towards the ground, taking off in a running start.

Looks like he felt too uneasy about this... but didn’t voice his concerns.

He was trusting that it was Sonic’s decision, and apparently would go with it. As he went though, he caught up to Sonic’s leisurely pace in waiting for him, and gave him the same uncertain glare he had given to Silver.

Another message between men: I don’t like this.

Sonic looked away from it, but his expression held no joy, only a serious focus towards the next, on-coming step and fight: I know. Neither do I.

Tails’s eyebrows bent, seeing the mute exchange between the two, his hands bundled up and held in as his usual go-to position for flying, but he turned his body around as he flew forward to look back at Silver holding Amy, his head slackening with his shoulders falling... Helpless.

Tails swallowed hard, “Be safe... Amy...” And didn’t look back...

When Silver finally took a deep, calming but determined breath in, he looked over to see Sonic and his friends had disappeared into the next zone.

“I won’t be naive this time.” He told himself, and headed towards the X-Tornado, stationed just beside the tree. “This time... I won’t make anyone worry.”

It was several hours later as Silver sat down after collecting water and watched Amy on the ground. He fiddled with his gloves, growing a bit restless, wanting to help protect the future but knowing his place was to protect Amy for now.

He looked up and used his telekinesis to fiddle with a blade of grass, making it move left or right and tugging on it but not enough to pull it from the ground.

The world was so beautiful to him... he didn’t want even one blade to die in it.

That thought... led him to look over at Amy.

His eyes bent and it was clear he was remembering her finding him, and how sweet and bubbly she was... she had persisted in joining him for his search for Sonic, carrying a warning that he never knew would have benefited her to know... why did he feel the need to keep it a secret for only Sonic to know?

It wasn’t like he disregarded her, but maybe he didn’t value her company as much as he should.

Now, seeing her so still upon the ground... the wind not even reaching her... It was all a bit much to bear.

He tucked his head down between the gap of his raised knee and bent arm, trying to hide his emotional state as his eyes squinted and mouth trembled.

He wasn’t crying, but he was also trying to fight the sensation of being about to cry.

Then it happened.

She started another twitching and jerking, making odd sounds that spooked him.

“N-no, you’re okay. You’re okay..!” he rolled to his knees and held his hands out as though once again... feeling helpless.

Even his words were desperate to sound comforting, but his panic was so relevant in them.

He used his powers to get a blob of the fresh water he had collected up into the air, moving it towards her mouth.

“Please Amy... just endure it a little longer...” He pleaded, before he heard a large crash and turned around.

The water fell to her side, as the twitching and flinching became minor, but still happening.

He saw a fallen tree, and narrowed his eyes at it before gasping as a robot from the third party, clearly stolen from Eggman’s designs, began to approach.

Then more and more of Eggman’s stolen property, with new logos that were just slapped on over Eggman’s logo sticker started approaching him.

“Not again...” Silver’s fists shifted into a rage-filled jerk, as though in one swift moment, he was ready to destroy and protect. “I won’t let you hurt anyone ever again!”

As the robots all raised their machine-gun arms, having detected them, it was clear they weren’t shooting bullets... but darts.

“Ur-rah!” Silver lifted up the X-Tornado with his power and held it up as cover to the shots fired. The darts stabbed into the X-Tornado, and the black substance was evident in a small cylinder attached to the dart’s tip.

It leaked into the X-Tornado,... but at least it wasn’t into anyone’s body.

He rose to a knee, shoving the X-Tornado forward to push the robots down. Amazingly, the X-Tornado didn’t even dent in, but was still perfectly intact.

However, some of the darts did bend like a nail having been jammed in the wrong way.

He shoved the X-Tornado to the side and skidded the robots hide off of it, shoving them back into the forest where they came from.

He stopped only to look down at Amy, her twitching much less now, but it was clear something was happening.

He gritted his teeth, his eyes still glossy from his despair before at her condition. “Hang on, Amy... They aren’t getting you. You’re no one’s experiment!” he moved one arm away from lifting the X-Tornado, but his balanced faltered now that one arm was using his psychic power to lift the huge plane up.

He strained, sweat falling from his brow as he jammed his teeth together even more and tried lifting Amy up from the ground too... then himself.

It was a huge escape effort, two hands carrying one large plane’s weight in one hand, and the other with him and Amy.

Knowing his power was faltering at handling too many objects at once, and one being massive, he kept feeling himself dropping and having to catch himself.

When Amy jerked, his mental concentration was momentarily lost and he almost dropped her.

That was the last straw.

“I can’t out run them.” He looked around, knowing he needed a better solution. “I’ll have to hide you and distract them.”

Seeing in the distance a mountain, he pulled up his legs, gathering the rest of his courage and strength, and shot himself towards it.

There was a cave!

His expression turned to joy at the realization, and he quickly flew down to it. “That looks safe!” he exclaimed, gliding down and putting the X-Tornado in the cave first, in and off to the back left where another tunnel formed from the main one.

Out of sight.

“Okay, Amy... Please forgive me...” He caught her into his arms, and held her tightly, dipping his head down in shame at having to leave her side. “Sonic... I said I’d do my best... this is my best option... please believe me...” He flew up to the plane’s passenger cockpit, thinking that if anyone did discover the plane, they would see there’s no pilot and perhaps not search it further but abandon it.

He lifted the clear shielding and placed her in the seat, strapping her in.

She had stopped twitching, and worried, he put two fingers to her nose and mouth.

Shallow breathing...

He frowned, but leaned forward and hugged her head one last time.

When he heard more logs crashing and snapping from being trampled by robot bodies forcing their way through the landscape, his head swung up to check the cave and hurriedly dropped the shielding down again.

“I’ll come back, and hopefully, I’ll bring Sonic and some good news too.” both hands were against the shield, he moved his face closer to look in and still saw her asleep.

“...I’m sorry.” He turned his head away, flying off from the plane’s exterior slowly... danging himself in the air before looking back to the entrance of the cave, having flown into the center tunnel way again and looked as though he was prepared to battle.

He shot out of the cave and began hitting the robots with his power, ramming them into each other and denting their hides till they sparked. “This way!” he cried out, and led the assault of robots after him.

More hours passed...

Shadow was running off with a stolen formula blueprint, trying to evade flying robots that were even greater rip-offs of Eggmans.

As he turned into a cave to hide, he walked down it stealthily, still holding the container with the data chip inside it.

“Rouge, I’ve got it.” he spoke out, touching a device by his ear as he examined the cylinder container further.

“Does it have it?” her voice rang urgently through the mic.

“No... but my scanners say it should be... what?” He walked towards the hidden tunnel path and his eyes widened.

“Shadow? What’s wrong? What are you getting?”

“It’s...” His eyes traveled down the darkness from the plane’s tip, seeing it littered on the side with darts. “The X-Torn-... AH!” his shock couldn’t have been more real as he hurriedly jumped from the cave’s side to the plane’s hide and pulled an intact dart out.

He tilted the chemical inside it... watching it slosh around.

“It wasn’t an error... they’re here!” He exclaimed, but hearing the robots outside, he moved down the plane’s top and kept stealthily pulling out more darts.

“Incredible! Way to go, Shadow! Who knew this abandoned G.U.N base would come so much in handy..! Oh, that’s right. I did. Is it some sort of secret lab..?”

He ignored Rouge’s gloating when his foot hit something in the dark, another cockpit. He looked back to adjust his foot and get around it,... when a darkened silhouette that didn’t match the angles of machinery caught his attention.

Then the shaded figure began to violently twitch and cause a ruckus, almost like a seizure episode.

The thrashes completely threw Shadow off guard, and he stumbled back, his expression showing his horror at whatever beast was trapped inside.

“Rouge, there’s something else here.” He didn’t have time to explain, but pulled out a Chaos Emerald, “Chaos Control!” he illuminated the cave and his entire demeanor fell into a grave look of confusion.

“It can’t be...” His eyes darted left and right, examining her condition as he couldn’t understand what he was witnessing. “It’s-!”

But before he could continue to explain to Rouge, who was blind as a bat from only being able to listen in and not see what was going on, robot steps started echoing in the cave. He turned around, a look of serious emergency on his face.

“Shadow!? What did you find!? Don’t leave me in the dark here! What’s all that thumping sound!? Shadow! Shadow, respond!”

“Not now, Rouge!” he killed the mic, tossing it to the ground as he ripped it off his ear and used Chaos Spears to jam into the shield and break the material.

He unstrapped her from the seat, feeling her flopping onto him and helped her over his shoulder. “Darn, I was hoping for more samples, but this is too important.” He turned back to the see the robots’ lights now come on, searching like a beacon out at sea in all sorts of directions... it was as though they were hurrying to find him too...

He jumped down and consequently crushed the G.U.N earpiece on his decent down, hurrying to the back of the cave.

When the robots fired on their jets, he knew he was heard.

“Chaos-!” he held up the Chaos Emerald. “Control!” and teleported through time and space.

Back with Rouge, she was complaining how the old computers couldn’t diagnose Amy and scan the chemical at the same time.

“What’s more important?” Shadow folded his arms, looking to Amy, “A life or a future life?” then glared to Rouge as though it wasn’t an option to contradict him.

She looked to Amy, not shaking anymore and sighed, knowing the answer as she cut off the research side of the computer and turned on it’s scanners.

“This is bad...” Rouge saw the screen... “The chemical has spread up her spinal chord and has it’s greasy little tethers at the base of her brain.”

“That’s impossible.” Seeing the image, Shadow’s arms dropped and he lurched forward, as though he wasn’t expecting the results to be this severe. “The chemical compound would need an extraordinary amount of time before reaching that far! Where was the injection location?”

When he turned back to Rouge... her hands were trembling, hovering over the keyboard.

He looked up to see her eyes mortified at these readings of Amy’s current state, and Shadow had to approach her and pull her away from the computer, quickly typing in to see more data.

It took all of Rouge’s strength to look away, turning back to Amy and covering her mouth, reaching for her hand.

“How... How could this happen?” Her voice was choking up, “Sonic... Sonic would never allow this to happen! How could they just abandon her like that!” she hit her hand holding Amy’s into the table she was laid out on.

“Keep it together, Rouge.” Shadow’s voice sounded controlled, as though a solider, keeping the trauma at bay and back away from his work. “We need a cure.” He continued, “Or the rest of us are going to end up this way.”

“Who says they haven’t already!?” Rouge’s back bent forward as she coughed into her hand, unable to keep her emotions under control with a sight like this. “She’s slipping away and they just left her there to-!”

Shadow flung around and gripped her hand, pulling her back to him.

His glare said it all.

Don’t assume anything.

She felt her knees get weak and slowly lowered herself to sit on the ground, her wings drooping in stages as they lowered down and dragged against the floor.

Shadow just watched her and removed his aggressive grip on her wrist as it slipped through his grasp. He didn’t mean to be so hostile, but now wasn’t the time to judge others’ actions.

It was the time to act and save.

“I will find Sonic.” He declared, moving back over to the panel of controls and typing in more directives. “I’ve seen enough to know her state... she still has some time before it completely eats away at her mind.” the entire computer shifted over to what looked like research on the chemicals being scanned. “The amount we found should be plenty, I’ve set the computer to reverse engineer. It will take some time... but keep her alive till I can bring Sonic and his friends here... to answer for what they’ve done.” With that last sentence, Rouge looked up to see the pain in his eyes... to show he had a heart after all.

Did he have doubts that Sonic wasn’t as kind and admirable as he had seemed to be? The answer was a resounding yes. He wasn’t denying Rouge’s accusations, but wasn’t going to give in to them until he had the truth.

Nothing was being ruled out, and Rouge nodded as she wiped her wetted eyes and stood back up, being brave.

“Make sure you give them what they deserve for me... Shadow.” she moved back to Amy’s side, and Shadow closed his eyes as though silently accepting that he would.

“If all looks lost...” He began, turning his back to her and talking over his shoulder.

She shook her head, raising her head up as though to catch any remaining wetness from becoming tears.

He looked back towards the exit, not finishing the thoughts, per her body language’s request... and took off.

More hours passed...

“This is ridiculous!” Rouge was surrounded by Eggman’s robots, but stood in front of them and held her arms out to keep them from approaching Amy. “You expect me to believe you came all this way for her!? And not to get your greedy hands on the chemical!?”

“My machines are already leagues ahead of your outdated G.U.N technology!” Eggman’s voice billowed through one of the robots, holding guns made of lazer-power towards her. “As you can see, I’m not equipped with that awful drug. I had thought it would make controlling mindless robots easier to get rid of the human mind entirely, I had no idea what they were really working on...” he confessed, pausing Rouge a moment as she listened to what he was saying. “Now, if you’d be so kind, I’d rather have something to barter with when Sonic realizes I’ve parted ways with the mad professor...”

“So she’s your bait and switch!?” Her leg swung as though threatening to drill into his robots.

“W-woah, woah, calm down, Mama Rouge. I have a nutralizer I created for myself in case this might happen... It would benefit both me and Amy’s current state to test it out, don’t you agree?” His voice sounded as though he was trying to negotiate. “Yes, I want Sonic’s fury to be redirected, but that doesn’t mean I have no intention to present a perfectly healthy Rose to him... Savvy?”

She... slowly lowered her foot down, still ticked off as the robots surrounded Amy and began to move her into a floating transport pod.

“There, now we see eye to eye...”

“If anything happens to her Eggman...” She flew to sit on the end of the pod, showing she was coming too. “You’re screwed.”

“Don’t think I don’t know that... come along then.” he groaned, showing his own ‘calm distress’ as the robot he was speaking through turned and the rest marched out with the transport pod in the middle.

Getting to Eggman’s base, his computer screens were massive compared to the old G.U.N base... but as Rouge stayed by Amy’s side... Eggman’s face grew more and more like stone...

The results... were not in his favor.

As though whimsical at first, he was now showing signs of racing against the clock. Treating Rouge like a nurse all of a sudden, he spoke quickly out without a shred of emotion, only hurry. “That extraction gun. Over there.”

Rouge was being to panic at his odd shift in behavior, but quickly used her wings to push herself to move faster, rapidly grabbing the object he barely gestured to and rushing back to him with dust flying up in her wake.

“She better make it Doc.”

He didn’t say anything.

“Hold her down, she’s not going to like this.” He jammed the gun’s barrel to her side.

“DOCTOR!” Rouge shoved it off her body, “Have you lost your mind!?”

“Rouge, if you interfere, I’ll be sure to blame the consequences on you.” His threat was nothing like she had seen from him before... and complying, she did as she was told.

She pushed Amy’s arms down to the her sides, over her head as Eggman swung the gun back into position.

“What will it do to her?”

He said nothing, only working fast, moving some parts on the gun as it lit up, and then cocked it.

“Eggman...” her plea revealed her fear...

He shot into Amy’s side.

Amy’s body lurched forward and from her, a painful cry.

“Keep her down.” Eggman seemed to be grabbing a stick with movable features and cocked it back again.

An odd substance started draining into the gun.

“You’re not gonna do it again!” Rouge cried out, but Eggman just lowered the gun and let the substance spill into it.

“Could you not talk and let me work, woman!?” Eggman rudely spat out as he watched the substance mingle with some blood... before unhooking it from her side and grabbing some medical supplies to stop the bleeding. “There... if anyone asks...” He kept one hand on the bandage... “I did what I could.”

Rouge saw the grim look on his face and her’s finally broke.

She looked back to Amy, who was slowly coming too, but something was off with her.

Eggman looked away, “I stopped the process.”

“You what?” Rouge saw him turn his face away from her, as though he was hiding something.

“...It’s damage could be recovered... but that’s up to Amy now...” he was speaking too sorrowfully, as though trying to distance himself from the situation.

Rouge wouldn’t allow it.

“EGGMAN!” she grabbed his padded shoulder and yanked him down, he let her, though it was clearly uncomfortable for a man of his height to slump so far to the side like this. She hollered frantically in his ear, “You tell me what you don’t want me to know!”

He grimaced, as though not wanting to but then Amy stirred again.

Her body did some more twitches... as though her muscles were aching, before she slightly... opened her eyes.

Rouge released Eggman and appeared right by her side in seconds, “Amy..? Sweetie, tell me you’re okay.” she placed a hand to her cheek.

“...Rrrrouge...” she breathed out.

Rouge sighed in relief and dropped her head, “Thank Chaos.”

But... when she looked to see Eggman’s face.

Stone.

Why wasn’t he relieved too?

Rouge, worried again now, looked back to Amy.

She was making odd hums, as though waking up, but something was off with them. She looked to Eggman, “Egg...” she said, but began to create weird forms with her mouth, and Rouge’s hand twitched off her cheek as she continued to move as though unused to her limps.

Rouge’s chest rose and fell... “What’s wrong with her?” she demanded, feeling her heart tighten as though not wanting to beat anymore. “WHAT HAPPENED TO HER?!” she turned to Eggman but that was when Sonic, Silver, Tails, Knuckles, and Shadow busted through the door as it feel like cold steel to the empty entrance.

“Rouge!” Shadow cried out, and it was clear Silver was beaten down and bruised... what had happened?

Knuckles darted by the two, followed by a speedy blue blur and Tails... was frozen in fear.

Amy’s eyes wouldn’t concentrate on anything, and her expression didn’t match the situation at all.

Sonic’s blur paused in front of her... stone.

Knuckles halted his franic steps... before looking to the screen, then back to her... his footsteps slowed... and then he fell to his knees.

He bashed his fist into the ground, and then lowered his back as though unable to look further.

Silver’s eyes shook, “Is she..?”

Shadow turned his head away, and Tails finished everyone’s trail of thought...

“She’s... gone.” He gripped his head.

“B-but she’s alive!” Silver gestured to her, grabbing Tails’s shoulder, “She’s still moving!”

“She’s not there!” Tails jerked himself away from Silver, “Her mind’s gone! The Amy we knew is gone!” he cried out, crying and cringing as he fell to the ground, sobbing. “It’s been too much time... We traveled to the cave and she wasn’t there. That took time!” He gripped his chest as Silver’s world began to crash down on him. “Shadow took time to find us!” He seemed to curl up on the ground, as Amy gestured a hand in the air, as though trying to grab something flying around her, as though in her mind... things were different. “We were stopped by that man and had to fight for our lives! We finally got him taken care of and unable to stop us further, but then Shadow got the G.U.N results remotely and my miles-electric had to download the signal, that meant we waited!” he gripped his head again, panting and wheezing as though also going through a mental breakdown. He started shouting as the room fell motionless... still... except for Amy. “When we discovered that the chemical probably had destroyed half of her already, we rushed to find Rouge!”

The situation looked like they were hung up on a wild goose chase, trying to scramble around and find Amy.

“BUT WHEN WE GOT THERE SHE WAS GONE!”

Rouge collapsed to the ground, covering her face with one hand, but through the slits in her fingers, her eyes shrunk and trembled.

“WE COULDN’T SAVE HER!”

-Many days later...-

Cream was out with Amy, supervised by Vanilla as she sat on a bench and walked the two. Cream was bending down to pick flowers, but Amy was staring up at the sky, as though transfixed on something, before Cream held up a flower and she took it, wobbling it in front of her face.

Cream gave a forced smile, just glad that it amused her.

Then... beside Vanilla... Sonic appeared.

“..How is she?” he asked, but his usual cheer and charisma was gone.

Vanilla smiled and looked down to her hands laying gracefully on her lap. “... Her appetites good... she only says one syllable words though... and not many for several days now.” She looked back up with a mother’s care at the two girls, seeing Cream and Cheese try to engage Amy but Amy was still shaking the flower profusely in front of her eye.

Sonic also stared... then folded his arms and adjusted his balance, looking on the ground as though uncomfortable.

“...Does she recognize anyone?”

“She recognizes Cream, but doesn’t seem to notice me. She’ll speak to Cream, but not engage me.” There was some pain being held back in her words... “I hand feed her... But sometimes she bats my face or shoves my hand away.”

Sonic turned abruptly away from her, “I don’t need to hear that!”

“... You asked...” she lowered her head, as though she’s been answering politely for too long, and so she told him the truth to see if that would satisfy him. “She may never get any better, Sonic... You come by and ask but I always tell you the same, kind things... today, you must face the possibly that Amy may be mentally disabled for life now.”

Sonic whole being tensed up, but not wanting to lash out at her, he held it in, struggling.

“... You should see her. Talk with her.” Vanilla finally said, looking to him, “She’d like that.”

“...I don’t think I can handle if-” he cut himself off, hearing the shift in his voice cracking and not liking his emotions being so real in front of others. He cleared his throat and looked to the sky... just like Rouge had done to keep the wetness in her eyes. “If she doesn’t know me.”

Vanilla remained silent, but like a loving mother, got up and embraced Sonic from being, resting her head on his shoulder and leaning her cheek into his, rubbing and stroking his head to calm him down.

“Her mind may not, but her heart will always know who you are, Sonic. You should speak to her.”

With that kind, motherly encouragement, Vanilla called back Cream and Cheese and took her hand as Cream took Cheese’s arm.

“We’ll give you two some space.” she moved further down the trail as Sonic was now solely in charge of watching her.

He took a deep breath, clearly uncomfortable, but walked softly over to her, trying not to spook her.

He bent down by her side, “Hey,... Amy.” He felt a lump in his throat as his smile he had tried to summon for her sake vanished at the sight of the flower falling from Amy’s hands and her taking a few seconds to stop shaking, and just stare at her hand while her damaged brain tried to figure out what had happened.

He closed his eyes, sitting down from his squat and finding this terribly hard.

He had avoided this for so long... he had beaten up Silver in his rage and then yelled at Shadow for leaving her as well.

By the time he got to Rouge and Eggman, there was no rage, only heartache.

“It’s been a long time...” He admitted, “That we haven’t seen each other.” He pressed his two fingers into his eyes, and as he strained against crying, his lips trembled like Silver’s had once done... and it was clear he was on the verge of crying.

That’s when Amy’s eyes blinked and she turned to look at him.

She made some weird mumbling sounds that were in-cohesive, and hit his shoulder with a few strong bats.

“Ow, ow, stop!” he leaned away and held up his hand, catching her slapping hand.

“Son.” she said the first syllable of his name,... stared at him... and then angrily, almost child-like, began to hit him again.

“Woah, stop,.. stop,.. stop!” he kept counter-weighting the hand as she hit before trying to pull away from his touch, crying out as he finally let her go and she scrunched her arms into herself.

He didn’t know how to handle this, but he was going to do his best. “Do you... do you know who I am.”

She made a strange, but clearly upset face, and glared at the ground.

“... I’m so sorry.”

“Son...”

“I failed you.”

“Son...”

“I shouldn’t have left you there. I should have let Silver go with Tails and Knuckles. I shouldn’t have blamed him either... I should have listened to Knuckles’s gut feeling... he kept bringing it up and I kept thinking we had more time. I shouldn’t have punched and kicked him... I shouldn’t have shouted at Shadow... I should have just run, like I always do. I should have ran straight to you and I didn’t. I’m so sorry, Amy. I’m so-... I’m so lost without you.”

Amy’s body turned away from him.

It was a beautiful sky... a wonderful summer day... a perfect scene for a picnic or family outing.

But there they were, a broken man once revering himself as a hero... and a broken girl who he missed dearly.

Then, as though a snake about to strike, her hand went back up to strike him... but he began to cry.

Her hand twitched and slowed... before landing on his head.

“...Son...ic.”

He kept crying.

“Son.. ic... cry...”

He didn’t notice.

“Son..ic.. don’t... cry...”

Then his ear twitched, and his eyes shook a moment as they grew wider and wider.

“Sonic...”

He turned to look at her.

She was crying...

He watched... then cried out, “Vanilla!!!” his voice rang through the flowered fields...

It took time, but with help, Amy slowly recovered, and Sonic was with her every step of the way.

(A huge AU, but ya know, I thought-- ‘what’s worse than a huge side-effect that would lead Sonic to his breaking point?’ here you go~)

#sonamy #sonicxamy #sonamy prompt #amy rose hurt fic #amy rose prompt #disability warning

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chinesegal · 4 years

Text

In defence of Boa Hancock, again

To preface: today I encountered an ask with a response so bad it made me boil with anger:

the op hates Hancock’s character, which is something I try to accept despite my personal feelings, however I do not believe its disrespectful to post this, its a public post on a social media forum and I don’t have enough followers that can make harassment campaigns possible.

So right now, I will refute their points bit by bit, each time copypasting their words into quotation marks, and my refutations below.

Their words:

“ Can you imagine how outraged the fandom would be, if they were cisswapped? For two seconds, let’s imagine a Luffyko & male!Boa: there would be oodles & oodles of posts about how he’s sexually harassing Luffyko, how No means No, & breaking down the fact that this character is not a good person by any means. That doesn’t happen though, because Boa’s a woman & Luffy’s a 17 yr old in this screenshot. “

Nope. Sanji turned to stone when seeing Shirahoshi because of the sheer lust he was feeling at the time, and then went on acting servile and adoring around her, serving her tea because she’s a woman/girl he’s attracted to, like many:

And Shirahoshi is 16, Sanji was 21. Brook asked to see Shirahoshi’s panties, and asked this question to many other women. The fandom in general doesn’t seem to care, which is a problem. Their actions are creepy, but no one cares.

But what makes me truly angry is the one screenshot they try to use to prove that Boa’s predatory:

this one. “Luffy’s only 17 in this screenshot”, they say.

“What’s the context for this image?”-you might ask. The answer: sure as fucking hell not Boa trying to seduce or take advantage of Luffy. Here, she is revealing the brand on her back that would forever mark her as property, as less than human for life. Its an eternal reminder to her of the years of abuse and trauma she went through as a child. She is definetely not being “seductive” or sexual here, and nudity isnt the same as being sexual, especially not in this context.

It enrages me that they try to portray this shot where Boa is opening up about her abuse and trauma as her trying to “sexually harassing” Luffy.

they then goes on about how men can be raped and abused by women, which is true but Hancock has done absolutely nothing abusive to Luffy, not in the screenshot unless you count trying to kill him as “abuse”.

“Bias that men can’t be abused influences do-Gooder purity warriors that try to claim Sanji’s a sexual predator”- they say, a quote I feel distasteful. I dont think Sanji’s a sexual predator but if you do like him and ignore his behavior towards girls younger than Luffy, then you are just as hypocritical.

“ There is no reason why a 29 yr old should be almost violently, definitely insistently pursuing a 17 yr old. It’s disgusting, it’s creepy, it’s gross. Her tragic backstory does not give her leeway either. “

Boa Hancock has never been “violent”, nor said or done anything inappropriate to Luffy. She fantasizes about being his wife sure, and the agegap is awkward, but she acts like a 12 year old girl experiencing her first crush. She’s so naive that she thinks Luffy’s hug means they are married. It is very likely, if not explicitly canon that she doesnt know how healthy adult relationships function because of her whole backstory. That is the reason it’s impossible for me to see her as predatory, not because of gender but because how innocent she actually is when it comes to sex and romance.

Luffy is also not a tactful person; he would tell her if her behavior creeps him out but never does, showing that Boa’s actions doesnt make him uncomfortable at all.

And yes, her backstory does explain a lot, and it is the entire reason I sympathize with her despite her actions, which aren’t even that bad when compared to other pirates.

They then claim that during the infiltration of Impel Down, Hancock “made everything about herself and how she is going to marry Luffy”, somehow proving that she’s “selfish” and “irredeemable”, then they claim “Boa Hancock is the same character archetype as other One Piece villains, just obsessed with her beauty and ability to exploit people for her own gain” and “she knows what she is doing is wrong, she brags about it even”.

This made me almost as angry as the use of the screenshot.

Boa fawns over Luffy during the Impel Down escape, but to say she isnt “selfless” enough despite the fact that she’s breaking into a maximum security prison where visitors like her have to be completely helpless, a place controlled by the very people who enslaved her when she was a child.

A single word from Magellan, someone in the World Government, or the Celestial Dragons themselves and she would have been doomed. What if she was searched and the brand identifying her as a slave was discovered? What if the Celestial Dragons have long known that she is their former slave and the World Government has been waiting for an opportunity to catch her in a situation like this so they can take her back to Mariejois and “return” her to the Celestial Dragons? Those are real, valid, and terrifying concerns for someone in Hancock’s position, and yet she did it all anyway for Luffy.

Yes, she fantasized about Luffy loving her during the infiltration, but y’know, that is ridiculous to focus on when characters like Sanji rants about wanting to cook and dote on women the straw hats are trying to save, fantasizing about being their “prince charming”. The SH themselves never aid innocents unless to help someone they befriended, they are not gonna intervene in a conflict even if thousands of people die. So no, Boa would never help anyone she didnt care about, she helps Luffy because she loves him and to focus on the 5 seconds she fantasizes about their “romance” is silly and shitty.

About her “boasting” about the bad things she’s done, words arent the same as actions and her shown actions were not shown to be worse than any other pirate. She turns other pirates and marines to stone, but Mihawk killed almost 5000 people just to pass the time and he gets no flack for it. The SH have contributed directly to the death of marines who just do their jobs. Her kicking baby seals, throwing away expensive gems and destroying children’s statues are petty things I dont care about, and just part of a persona to dissuade others from thinking she’s weak, she doesnt truly believe her own people would love her unconditionally if she spends years lying to them about her past. Hancock is no remorseless murderer like Enel and Crocodile, the reason she became a schischibukai was to protect her people.

As for surrounding herself with “enablers”, there’s not exactly any living person other than Nyon and Rayleigh who knows about her past and she can open up to. Her own culture demands she show no weakness, which would make that even harder.

@the-cat-under-telperion

@chromatic-lamina

@fan-tasmic

I want your take on this.

#One piece #luffy #boa hancock #bad post op #fandom drama #fandom wank

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siebenschoen · 4 years

Text

not stupid

fandom: ikemen sengoku

pairing: yukimura x MC

warning: I took the premise of Yukimura’s route and went wild with it, but the plotline gets mentioned in enough other routes, so it’s not really a spoiler, besides that some angst and fluff

this was sparked by two things: firstly, @littlewitty mentioning in the ikesen group chat that there is not enough yukimura content (which is absolutely right!) and secondly, that I feel mc is often portrayed as naive and that may be so, but she is not stupid (or at least, I don’t want her to be)

summary

Mai is not stupid. It is part of her job as a designer - seamstress, now - to pay attention to details and it has become second nature to her. She is good at picking up the little things that don't add up, the one off thread that might ruin a pattern. It shouldn't come as surprise that she is able to notice that quite a few things don't add up with Sasuke's merchant friend.

Mai is not stupid. She is a good designer – seamstress, now – and the secret to design lies in the details. She prides herself at how good she is at noticing them – because she is good at what she does, and she has keep telling herself that, because 500 years in the past, she doesn't feel like she's good at much- years of practise have trained her eyes to find beauty in everything. (But she finds other things as well.)

It's hard to pick up at first, but once she's started to notice she can't bring herself to stop. Picking apart people is a bit like picking apart a pattern, she thinks. Hundreds, thousands of little stitches that come together to form something new, something that is more than the sum of its parts. And a single wrong stitch can ruin the entire picture. A single wrong detail can crumble even the greatest facade. And Yuki's hands are too rough to be a merchant.

She first notices it, when he is talking with Sasuke. His hand clenching into fists at something their friend says before flying into the air in a helpless gesture. He storms off afterwards – muttering to himself – but it is enough time for her to notice the calluses in his palms, how rough his finger tips seem. These are not fingers used to holding delicate, little ornaments, she thinks, but Sasuke interupts her train of thought, before any fruit can come from it. She stuffs her observation away, to the back of her head. It doesn't matter, she tells herself. Sasuke trusts Yuki. And she trusts Sasuke.

It just so very hard to not notice how odd everything about him is. His stall seems almost always empty, and he suspiciously unconcerned with it. Yuki has no talent for sweet-talking and persuasion like other merchants – here or on the other side of the thrice damned wormhole – do, he doesn't seem to care much if he sells anything or not and lacks the passion for his goods that might explain such a behaviour. Either Yuki is truly horrible at his job or something else is going on here. (And she knows her own heart well enough to admit which option she suspects.)

She is only here for three months, she tells herself. She should stop playing detective, she tells herself. The secrets of this time are not hers to uncover, she tells herself. Sasuke trusts him, she tells herself. And so she bites her tongue, whenever there's something so decidedly odd right in front of her nose. And resists the urge to raise her brows, whenever something most definitely does not add up. It is none of her business. (But – oh – how she wishes it would be.)

Mai debates avoiding Yuki to cure that burning curiosity within her, but quickly dismisses that option. Being with Yuki holds a deep familiarity in it, that usually only hanging out with Sasuke brings along. His quick, never serious insults and nicknames remind her of friends that she left behind 500 years from now. And she could easily picture him in the future, tagging along to the cinema or a concert, sharing vine references and inside jokes with Sasuke and her, always a bit confused, but still part of the squad(tm). (When, she wonders quietly, did she start to consider him a friend?)

She feels herself drawn to his stand, whenever she's running around town. The knowledge that there is more to him than meets the eye so exciting that she doesn't find it in her to stop her feet, when they turn to take the already familiar path towards him. She doesn't need to uncover his secrets. She is not a greedy person. (She just likes spending time with him.) Yuki comments once on her regular presence. Friends, she declares wisely, mocking him in a way only those who truly care can, are the best antidote to homesickness. He blushes at that and calls her a stupid boar woman, but she just laughs it off. She wasn't lying. (And she can see him smiling.)

No, she wasn't lying. She does feel homesick sometimes. It is easy to forget when she buries herself in work, but it gets harder once the work is done and her hands are empty and the sky above her feels familiar and strange enough to make her heart hurt. Talking with Yuki helps. Maybe because he reminds her of Sasuke and Sasuke reminds her of home.

Her ninja friend isn't often around. He too has secrets, but even with less effort he hides them better than Yuki ever could. Yuki has an air of honesty about him, even when he lies through his teeth. And she finds that she likes his honest face. (It is a pretty face. She will give him as much.) And so she decides to meet him at the festival. He doesn't invite her. She doubts that he could ever be capable of such a forward thing. But mentions it often enough to not be a coincidence. It presents a chance, to her at least, to forget too high houses and too bright nights. A distraction from an unfamiliar life that is beginning to feel too familiar. There is nothing more to it, she tells herself as she gets ready – Sasuke's words of three months, of emotional attachment ringing in her ear. She's living on borrowed time. (She might as well make the best out of it.)

Mai meets Hideyoshi on her way to leave the castle. He looks concerned when he hears of her plans to head out for the festival – alone – but Nobunaga calls for him before he can offer his company. On his way, he turns around and says that the kimono she chose for herself suits her and sends her one of his charming smiles. It makes her feel pretty. But the way Yuki blushes when he sees her makes her feel beautiful.

And the darkness of the evening makes her feel bold. So she slips her fingers between his, when he is looking the other way. Not saying anything, just smiling, as he stops dead in his tracks, blushing up to the tips of his ears, before he catches himself and slowly squeezes her hand back. Before she can feel the calluses of his hand pressed against hers. Secrets, it rings in the back of her head louder than Sasuke's voice ever could, secrets, secrets, secrets...

For a moment she thinks that it would be better to let go. But Yuki's ears are still red, and she can't bring herself to do it. She's letting herself get tucked along instead (or tucking him along whenever he gets too shy) banning the whispers in her head far, far away. Maybe if she would stop to consider what she's doing, she would come to the conclusion that it is surely something very, very stupid. Mai doesn't stop though. She drinks in the evening around her, the masses of happy faces, the smell of food both familiar and not. And if Yuki's warm hand in hers is a comforting presence, then so be it. The devil may care, she doesn't. Not tonight.

Mai is not stupid. Her ears are working and even though her mind might not be as sharp as her needles, it is still sharp enough. She has heard of the whispers of war. (And really – should she be surprised? This is the Sengoku after all.) And she knows that enjoyments such as festivals can very well be used to take people's minds looming danger. (It's just one of the many things she wouldn't put past Nobunaga.) War affects everyone. War also affects Yuki, for all that he pretends to be a merchant. There's a sense of urgency in the way he burries himself in all the joy the evening has to offer, in the way his hand holds hers tightly, ever since she slipped it in his. It very much feels like an end, for all that she's laughing and teasing (and blushing). And something about him tells her that he feels the same way. (She is not stupid. Just too good at reading people for her own good.)

She tries not to feel sad about it. Whatever this is, whatever it is his closeness does to her, it was doomed from the very beginning. There is no sense in mourning something that could never truly be, when she can just enjoy it instead. And besides – what really is there? She spent an evening holding the hand of a man who is too – shy, handsome, earnest – for his own good. It is not nothing, but isn't (shouldn't) be enough to make her worry so.

So, she doesn't. Worry, that is. And just follows Yuki up to the hill. "You can see the stars best from up there", he says, and she believes him, even though he doesn't sound sure about himself. It's the nerves, she tells herself. Yuki is nothing if not shy in his stumbling and awkward ways. (Or, a part of her things, it's secrets.)

He is right though. The stars shine beautiful in the deep night sky. Slightly obscured by the branches of the tree next to them, but still so very bright. She can't look at them, though. These are the same stars, she thinks, the same stars that will shine 500 years from now. And suddenly she feels wrong and alien and out of place in a way she hasn't since the first day, when she stumbled through the wormhole, through time itself. The stars have seen her before, many hundreds of years from now. They know her being here is wrong. They know she doesn't belong. She thinks of Sasuke, the best friend she ever had and one of the smartest people she's ever known, and how hard he tries to get them back, to home, to safety. How a part of her doesn't want to. And it rushes over her with a sudden clarity, that there is something here that she doesn't want to give up. (Maybe she is a greedy person after all.) And it shocks her to her very core, and she nearly gasps out loud. The stars are still beautiful and bright, but she can't bring herself to look at them any more. In her head, they spell betrayal.

<p>Instead, she looks away, only to find Yuki looking at her. And that, she decides, is an entirely different problem. Because he too is beautiful and is cheeks are bright (red, not white), when she catches him. The dim light of the night makes the line of his jaw out to be sharper, than she ever thought it to be, and she is utterly fascinated by the glow the moon bestows upon his hair and skin. Yuki's blush doesn't fade, but he also doesn't look away. There is an uncertainty in his eyes, that makes her think that maybe she needs to be bold for both their sake. And the thought makes her heart jump. Mai is not stupid. But this one stupid thing, just this one thing, she will allow herself.

She leans forward and his eyes widen, but she continues. Determined, bold. (Stupid.) His breath fawns other her face and this close she can the feel the heat of his body. Everything inside her screams. She looks up into his eyes – impossibly round, but still brown and warm – before she glances down to his lips. His tongue darts out quickly to wet them – unconsciously, she can't think of a world where Yuki would do such a thing on purpose – and she can see him swallow. Before she lets her eyes fall shut and her mouth cross the last distance between them.

It is sweet, their kiss. Barely more than the press of two lips against each other. It is honest though, and earnest. Her hand finds his cheek as she pulls away, and she smiles up at him. Never before has she seen him so red. There is awe in his eyes and something else that she can't quite place yet. His eyes flicker from hers to her lips, back and forth, as if he can't quite believe that she just kissed him. "I", he starts and pauses and then starts, "I don't really know-" She strokes his cheek and lets her fingers brush over his lips. They are warm – and the fact that she already knew makes her feel giddy with joy. "It's okay – you will learn-" But he breaks her off. His lips on hers – harder, bolder than she ever thought possible. But, oh, she is not about to complain. Instead, she pulls him closer. Lets her tongue trace along his lower lip. Encouraging him, guiding him. (He doesn't need much convincing as it turns out.)

When they break apart, he rests his forehead against hers. "Can you stop being so god damn cute? It's doing things to my heart, dummy", he breathes against her lips, and she just giggles, too happy to care and leans in again, too unwilling to part. "Meet me here again tomorrow morning", he mumbles between kisses, "I've got something I want to tell you." She nods and smiles and kisses him until a smile of his own tucks at his lips.

They part soon after and Mai feels like a rebellious teenager, sneaking out after curfew to meet up with her secret boyfriend. She hushes down the still busy streets of Azuchi, grinning like a fool and feeling carefree like a child.

Hideyoshi awaits her at the entrance of the castle. Worry written into the deep scowl on his face. At another time she might feel bad for making him so anxious, but this is not the time for guilt, she decides. She greets him with a big smile and presses a kiss to his cheek before he can say anything and it stuns him so much, that he doesn't even think to lecture her about running in the hallways, as she darts of to her room, an enthusiastic bounce in her every step.

Morning comes not quickly enough, in her opinion, and she is up and about way before her usual time. But none of the warlords comment on it. Well, nearly, none. Mitsuhide sends an engamatic grin her way and asks her as to what has got her so excited in a voice, that tells her he can very well imagine what that thing is. She just rolls her eyes at him and tells him to eat his breakfast (but smiles while doing so).

Mai finds the hill easily enough. Wandering through Azuchi's castle town as if she were in trance, or a dream even. Perhaps that is what makes it feel so much like waking up, when all she finds instead of Yuki is a letter. It is an apology, she supposes, but it's hard to process words that hurt so. He had to go, because of urgent merchant business – his words, not hers. The paper crumbles in her hands. The kanji in front of her hard to read, but so undeniable Yuki's. Honesty in every stroke. Oh, she thinks, he's even bad at lying with a pen. Secrets, secrets, secrets, the voice in the back of her head whispers again. And she knows that she shouldn't itch so to finally uncover them. It's not her place, not her time. (And she doesn't care, she finds, not as surprised as she should be.) Maybe it's anger that burns in her, but the tight set of her jaw feels more like determination. She pushes the letter into her sleeve and decides to fight.

Yuki's little stall is gone by the time she reaches it. That is what she expected, but it still hurts to see. Mai bites her tongue in an desperate attempt to remain calm. She can do this. (She is not stupid.) She will find him. And then she will give him a piece of her mind. She will not be left behind like this. She will no longer content herself with lies. Instead, she searches through her memories, through everything that might give just a smallest hint as to what he's up to.

She stops dead in her tracks. Yuki's message said that he would have to go far away for now. And it seemed to have been written in a hurry. The only way to travel a far distance relatively fast in this time is by horse. Mai shakes her head. Horses are only used for the means of transportation by noble mean and samurai, not merchants. Except, she thinks, Yuki is not a merchant. And if he is not a merchant, he has to be someone else. Someone who has a high interest in keeping his true identity hidden. (Regardless how talentless the actual execustion.) It all fits together so seemingly perfect that her breath hitches, because suddenly everything makes sense. Why Yuki hides, why he has to go, why Sasuke knows him...

If she is right (and she hopes, prays that she is) then that would mean that Yuki probably does not keep his own horse around. A merchant with a horse of his own would be way too unsual, too suspicious. Which means that he needs one in order to leave. Azuchi might be a busy town, but it's a town favoured by merchants and commen folk and not nobility. And Mai knows of only one place to get a horse besides the castle itself. She picks up her skirts and runs.

An old woman, who is friendly enough to not comment on Mai's wild hair, red face or the fact that she ran through the wooden gate so fast she nearly collided with her, points Mai in the directions of the stable. It doesn't take long for her to make out the swirl of fluffy brown hair and when she does she nearly cries with relief, before she catches herself. She is not here to throw herself into his arms and weep (she wants to though, a tiny voice in the back of her notes), she is here to get answers. And answers she'll get.

Yuki must be entirely focused on the task ahead, because he doesn't hear her approaching and only turns around as she knocks on the wooden frame of the stable, before he nearly doubles over, when he sees her. "Mai", her name is a broken question on his lips, and she crosses her arms infront of her chest. "I am not stupid", she says, just to get it out of the way.

If possible is eyes widen even more and his cheeks are bright-Yuki-red. He looks good when he's speechless, she thinks, but decides to focus on that particular part later. "I didn't think you were", he finally presses out. She nods. Good. Mai considers going easy on him, but really, she has been doing that for a long time, so she just blurts it out. "I guess, that means you can stop lying to me now."

Yuki's cheeks go so red, she fears he might faint, and he looks mortified enough, that she wouldn't not expect it. But she doesn't feel very merciful today. "I know you're not a merchant." She steps closer and adds quietly, only for his ears, "And I think I know what you really are." Panic fades and suddenly Yuki looks downright serious – as serious as he did, when he asked her to meet him again and it makes her want to kiss a smile on his lips – and she knows that she is right, now. The man before her is no longer Yuki the merchant, he is someone powerful, someone who knows how to be dangerous.

She should probably stop. She is in way too deep, has let everything happen that Sasuke warned her about, but she just can't bring herself to do it. Instead, she grabs his hand and squeezes his fingers with hers. "And I also think that I know what you planned on telling me today." He blushes at that, though he still looks serious and it is as if the two worlds merge together. Making her understand that whoever this man is, he is still very much Yuki, the most honest liar she has ever known. "I understand, if you're not ready to say it", she continues, and she really does. She can be patient, that she has learned. "I just want you to be honest with me."

Yuki draws in a deep breath and mutters something about Shingen and killing him. "My name is Sanada Yukimura", he says finally, and she almost laughs – because of course she had to go and fall for one of the most renown warriors in Japanese history – but stops herself, because she is sure that he would understand it wrongly. "My lord Takeda Shingen has called me back. That's why I have to leave, because there will be war." He stops. "War against Oda and Azuchi." The way he says Nobunaga's name – so full of hate – makes her shiver, but she just nods. It is, after all, what she expected. His expression shifts back more to the Yuki, no, Yukimura she knows and the blush that dusts his cheeks warms her heart. "I'm sorry that I lied to you. I didn't want to and I hope that you can forgive me" – maybe, she thinks, she will tell him that she already has – "as to being more honest...", he trails off, his eyes leaving hers and darting about the stable. "I'm not really good at", he breaks off, "Words, they...", Yukimura sighs deeply and turns back to her, "I find it hard to be honest with my words."

"I noticed", she throws in, not able to keep the grin from her face. His face flares up in a deep red, and she uses their still linked hands to tuck him closer. "You are very honest with your actions, though."

His quick glance towards her lips is all the warning she gets, before he cups her face with his other hand and kisses her deeply. Her eyes fall shut and all she smells, all she feels is Yukimura and the burning warmth that spreads through her body. They part and her breathing has become heavy, but so has his and really it's not that she minds. "Dummy", his voice is raspy, "why do you keep on saying things like that? It's driving me insane." She doesn't stop herself from grinning, but decides to spare him the quick retort – for now. Instead, she presses her cheek to his. "Next time", she whispers in his ear, "next time I want you to look me in the eyes, when you say goodbye."

Yukimura nods, but she figures it has more to do with a lack of words than a lack of sincerity. He pulls away from her then, until even their fingers are no longer interlocked. Mai didn't think it would be possible to miss something as much as she misses his warmth.

Yukimura gets the horse ready, and they leave the stable together (she can feel the twinkling eyes of the old lady follow them). Before they reach the street that leads out of Azuchi, he turns to her, but she speaks first. "Stay safe." "I will." He smiles. It's a fragile and sad little thing, she supposes her own mouth mirrors his. "Try not to get in any trouble while I'm gone, boar woman."

She tries to get angry at the nickname, but finds that she can't. After all there is no malice behind it, only affection. "I will." This is it, she thinks. I'm seeing the person that I love off, knowing that he might not return. What has the world come to.

"Please", Yukimura's hand caresses her cheek as her eyes begin to burn up, "please don't cry. I promise, I'll come back." She nods. "I'll find you if you don't", she finally manages to press out.

"I know. You're not stupid after all."

#ikemen sengoku #ikesen #ikesen yukimura #yukimura x mc #my writing #ikemen sengoku yukimura #ikesen fanfic

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hollands-poppet · 4 years

Text

Don’t Make Me Choose//Chapter 6

Mob!Tom Holland and Mob!Harrison Osterfield AU series

A/N: hey guys!!! I really hope you're enjoying this story as much as I am, this chapter is the longest to date and the drama really picks up in the next chapter...okay see you at the end!! A lot of foreshadowing in this chapter as well! -Amy 💛💛💛

Word Count: 5.7K 💛

Chapter 1 Chapter 2 Chapter 3 Chapter 4 Chapter 5

playlist

Warnings: angsty, alcohol abuse, cussing, Italics is flashback, I didn’t proofread this at all

It had been hours since the ambulance had picked up Harrison and took him to the hospital. Tom decided to tag along with him so he could make sure he wasn’t alone which meant security at home was over the top. If he wasn’t home then he had to make sure his wife was safe but she still didn’t know there was a threat against her.

Y/N lay in her bed facing the ceiling, the only thing repeating over and over in her head was Harrison right before he had fainted.

“I can’t feel my shoulder, it feels detached.” He lets out with a heavy breathe, he cries a bit.

She nods and just tries to stay calm so that she won’t scare him more, “It’s okay, we’ll wait here for help. Here, hold my hand.” She brings her left hand to his right hand, and holds hand tightly. “Tom is probably calling an ambulance, you’re going to be alright.”

Even through all his pain and his heavy breathing, he manages to let out a panting smile.

“Why are you smiling?” Y/N asks as she runs her hands through his hair trying to keep him calm.

“I love you so much, Y/N.” He lets out a slight grunt from the pain, any tiny movement really hurt. He thought maybe more booze would probably help numb the pain.

“Harrison, stop. You’re drunk.”

“I’ve loved you from the first moment I seen you.” He rests his head on the floor, he’s noticing that she’s becoming more blurry. “You-you…” And he closes his eyes, the pain so severe it causes him to pass out.

There was so much that Y/N wanted to know and the biggest question in her head was… Did Tom know? The night they all met....was Harrison the one that actually wanted to make the move on her? Not Tom? But why did it work out that way?

Why did it seem like Harrison’s problems were because of her? It seemed as though he was always triggered by something that he didn’t have. Was that because he didn’t have her?

Y/N’s grandfather was a drunk, and she knew drunks spoke the truth all the time. She knew Haz wasn’t lying and even then another forbidden security floated around her memory.

“Harrison?”

He runs tongue across his bottom lip and looks over his shoulder to look back at her, “Hm?”

She crawls forward and plots her knees right in front of him, her hands coming to his cheeks.

“Why didn’t I fall in love with you first?” And her eyes begin to close and she leans in holding onto him and Harrison wants to back away because this is already not a good idea. But why would he back away from something he’s always wanted? Regardless of the consequences, this was a risk Haz was willing to take.

And so they both did, their lips touched but it took a moment. When their lips touched, it was slow but also a feeling that felt like it was meant to happen. A feeling like their lips fit the puzzle perfectly, and after the first kiss the pace picked up a bit. The room grew hotter and the tension between them grew, his hands rested on her hips tightly.

Haz and her had shared a kiss, and she wanted to make herself believe that she only kissed him because she was pissed off and emotional but...she knew that wasn’t the truth.

She ran the moment on repeat in her head, it didn’t stop playing. It wouldn’t stop even if she tried to stop thinking about it. The way Harrison acted tonight really scared her and she figured he was using alcohol to suppress his feelings, she wasn’t too sure but that’s what it seemed like.

How could Y/N play such a blind eye to Harrison’s feelings and why she wasn’t there for him sooner? And now he was at the hospital, and her lover was there with him making sure he was okay.

She wipes the tears that flow down her cheeks, the tears hitting her shoulders… one by one. It felt like torture just waiting around for someone to bring her any news about Harrison.

Tom didn’t let her come because it was too risky as per usual. She was tired of being portrayed as such a damsel in distress. It was truly annoying, and it made her feel like she was helpless just waiting around. It made her upset and felt gross just waiting around.

It made her sick, it made her physically sick and in that moment her stomach knotted so ugly that she shot up. The room swayed just a bit, not wildly but just enough to make her hold her stomach. It turned her stomach, and she felt like lying back down would help the nausea. Maybe a quick nap would do the trick and take the edge off of this ugly feeling.

She lies back down and onto her left side. She closes her eyes, it helps just a bit and that’s when she feels the bed move just a bit. An arm coming around her side pulls her in, a familiar arm that didn’t scare her.

“How is he?” she asks, her arms holding on tightly to the one around her.

“He shattered his humerus, basically his shoulder and elbow are fucked.”

A few more tears escape her eyes, “But how is he?”

Tom brings his head up to her shoulder, “He’s okay for now but-”

There was a slight pause between the two, it was an almost awkward silence. “He’s going to die if he relapses again. If he pulls something like that again...he won’t live very long.”

“Tell me the truth…” She says slowly.

“I am-”

“Did Haz… did Harrison want to make the first move?”

Tom has to take a moment to process the question, “Why does that even matter right now?”

She turns her body to face him, “We could’ve pushed him over the edge!” Her voice raises as she sits up, “We- us- He could be drinking to numb his feelings!”

Tom sits up, “What feelings?”

Any closer to revealing the truth, and Y/N could get Haz killed. “Did you ever think that he was jealous? What if he felt like I took you away from him?”

Tom gets up from the bed, his shirt unbuttoned and his hair is messier than ever. “That’s bullshit, Y/N!” He was beginning to get angry and a bit irritated because he wasn’t sure where this was going.

“It's not bullshit, Tom!” She says as she gets up from the bed, the room still spinning a bit from her nausea. “Harrison has a huge problem and we’ve might have pushed him over the edge!”

His hands fly up in the air and lets out a sarcastic laugh, “We?! We did nothing, we didn’t force the bourbon down his throat! Don’t be so naive!”

She rubs her eyes in frustration, “But we might have triggered him, Tom!” There is a slight pause between them, “Did you ever think that just maybe…”

This was the moment of truth, and this was either going to end badly or terribly for everyone. But before she could even finish her sentence, she knew she was just hammering a nail into Haz’s coffin.

“What?! That he loves you?!” Tom finishes the sentence for her. He begins to pace back and forth, “I’ve gone through that scenario so many times in my head!”

Y/N’s heart drops… so Tom did know. She didn’t want to set up Harrison for an even worse scenario so she detours her thoughts into a new direction, “I’m not saying that… all I am saying is what if he misses you? What if he misses his best friend?”

Tom stops his pacing, “What the fuck do you mean? He lives here, how could he miss me?” Y/N sighs at his response. She never understood why boys were afraid of being so vulnerable but she guessed it was different because he was a mobster.

“He probably feels like he lost his best friend. When is the last time you both truly hung out? No business talk, just fun?”

Tom looked at the ground, she was right. He had been neglecting his friendship with Harrison for a while now and not purposely. He had just become so wrapped up in his work and wife that he forgot to be friends with Haz.

He takes a seat on the bed, his head is spinning. “Fuck, you’re right. I- I might have done this to him.” He breaks out into tears, the only noise in the room is his sobbing. “It’s not cool, Y/N. I should’ve been there for him more.”

Y/N begins to cry with him, she sobs as she makes her way to sit next to him, “It’s nobody's fault, okay?”

Tom brings his head to her thighs, his arms coming to hold legs. “I’m sorry for not being a great husband, I know I can do better.”

Y/N knew Tom crying was a big deal, he never cried because he had a certain image to keep up. She picks his head up to her eye level, “ Now that is bullshit and you know it. We’re going to be there for him, alright?”

Tom nods, he always tried to maintain himself but he couldn’t. He felt like he was losing his wife and now he almost had lost his best friend.

In that moment, Tom remembered why he had fallen in love with Y/N and he knew he was lucky. He leans into kiss and she takes him in, she knew he had a lot of issues to deal with but she really was head over heels for him.

Tom brings himself moving on top of Y/N, their lips still attached. Her arms wrap around his neck, her fingers in and out of his curls. He pulls away slowly and gives her a soft eskimo kiss, “Let me take care of you.” And without hesitation, she brings him back in for another kiss.

The pounding from Haz’s head is what woke him up. He scrunches his eyes to adjust to the bright lights in the room. He can barely move and he feels the pain move from his left shoulder all the way down to his forearm.

As he continues to blink, his vision becomes more and he can see his arm is bandaged up in a cast. His fingers were peaking through the bandage and he could see the swelling and stitches, he could only assume he had surgery on his arm.

“Fuck.”

“Fuck is right, mate.” Tom says as he sits up right in the hospital chair.

Harrison gulps, he’s so fucking embarrassed right now. “Tom, I-I’m so sorry. I ruined dinner last night.”

Tom bites his lip, “Haz, dinner was actually five days ago.”

“You’re fucking lying.” It honestly only felt like 30 minutes since he had passed out in Tom’s dining room.

“I’m not man, you’ve been in and out of surgery for your shoulder and you’ve had two seizures from the detox. It hit you really hard this time, man.”

It clicked in his head why he felt so terrible, the detoxing was tiring out his body. He was glad he had been asleep this time for this round but he knew he might be asleep forever if he relapses again.

“Tom, I just-”

“Harrison, you don’t have to apologize for anything. I should actually apologize myself.”

The blonde looks over at his friend confused, he had never heard Tom apologize to anyone - well except for Y/N.

“I haven’t been the best mate, lately and I’m sorry that I’ve been neglecting us. You’re family, and I can’t imagine life without you.” He gets choked up and Haz is sort of shocked to see him releasing tears right in front of him. “I’m not able to do my job without you man, and if you’re not here… I really don’t know what I’m going to do. If you don’t stop drinking, you’re going to die.”

“Nobody is going to die, mate. I’m here for the long run. No more drinking, I’m serious.”

Tom wipes his tears away, “Good. I can’t hand over everything to you if you’re dead.”

Haz knew his headache was intense but he thought he might’ve heard him wrong, “Wait, what?”

Tom laughs and moves his hair back with his hand, “Yeah, you heard right. I don’t know about leaving anytime soon but Y/N really wants to start a family.”

Harrison is trying to process what his friend is saying, “Is that what you want?”

Tom sits in thought, he purses his lips and looks up at the ceiling, “I do but right now. I feel like with time I could say goodbye to the lifestyle.”

“I don’t know what to say.” The blonde lets outs, it was a struggle to even deal with the pain but to think with this headache was even more painful.

“You don’t have to say anything, mate. This can be a conversation for a different day.”

Haz nods, he really couldn’t believe Tom was actually considering giving up the mob life.

“I guess you’re going to only have one mobile arm at the ball, man.” Tom remarks as the mood starts to lighten a bit.

“Dude, that’s still happening? I wish you’d cancel that stupid event.”

Tom laughs, “Yeah man, it’s really dumb but I figure we can just celebrate life you know? I’m excited to see my family, too.” He genuinely missed his folks and his siblings.

Haz didn’t really have a family that would tag along to these events, he mainly just hung around Tom but now it was Tom and Y/N.

“You should reach out to Bella, I’m sure she would love to be your date to the ball.”

Haz shakes his head, “There is no way she would even answer her phone after what I did to her. I was an asshole.”

“Mate, she understands… We explained everything to her. You should reach out to her when you start feeling a bit better.”

The blonde smiles, “Maybe so…” He looks at his broken yet healing body, I don’t know, I might just fuck around and propose to her.”

Tom lets out a breathy laugh, “Shut the fuck up, Harrison. You sure you’re still not drunk?”

Haz lets out a small laugh while trying not to make any sudden movements and trigger any pain, “I don’t know, man. I just need something to hold me down, you know?”

Tom nods, “I get it, you think that’s going to make things better though?” And he genuinely wanted to know his best friend’s thought process.

Haz shrugs his right shoulder slowly, “Maybe...I just need something different, something to keep me grounded.”

“Whatever makes you happy, Y/N and I are here for you no matter what.”

Haz sighs at the sound of her name, “How is she doing?”

Tom intertwined his fingers, “ She’s shaken up considering the fact that her grandfather was an alcoholic, and seeing this brings a lot of bad memories but she wants to be here for you.”

Haz lets out a few tears, he was really overwhelmed by everything and he knew as long as Tom ws in his life...Y/N would be too.

Harrison had to do a bit of rehab at the hospital before he could come home but that only took a couple of days. His arm wasn’t as swollen but still wrapped up and hanging on a sling. He lay in his bed in the guesthouse, he was pissed at himself since the moment he woke up at the hospital. He couldn’t be mad at anyone but himself for breaking his own shoulder.

The night he had made a fool of himself, he had gone to a strip club to let loose. He only wanted one drink but he had way more than that. If he couldn’t have who he wanted then he was going to do what he wanted. He wished he could've made better decisions that night because he knew he had another chance at this life.

Detoxing this time around was way tougher on him than usual, when he was still at the hospital he had another seizure two days before he had left. He even foamed the mouth a couple of times, it was a scary first week to say the least.

Tom was there for him everyday that he was at the hospital, and Haz felt better every time he was there. He was pushed on the edge by the way his friendship with Tom was and he always felt like he came in second next to his friend. Instead of feeling like they were brothers, he felt like he just worked for Tom. He felt like he was his bitch instead of a childhood best friend.

It had been almost three weeks since his relapse but it was the hardest weeks of his life. Using only one arm was really hard for himself as well because it was double the work for everything.

As he flips through the channels on his TV, he flips by the Cinderella movie. It was on the scene where the prince and princess are dancing at the ball and that’s when he remembers the Holland’s annual ball was just a few days away.

He knew that was going to be hard because there was going to be loads of booze at this ball. This was annoying because he knew he was going to be tempted the whole time.

And then he remembers that he only has one arm to use at the moment, and it triggers him evenmore. He’s taken out of his thoughts by a knock at his door, “Come in.” He says as he shuts off his tv.

The door opens up to reveal Y/N holding a tray of pancakes, “Hey, I made you some breakfast. Can I come in?”

He smiles, “Sure, come on in.” He didn’t really know if it was a good idea considering the fact that last time was in the guesthouse, they had shared a kiss.

She makes her way into the mini house and sets his food down on his nightstand, “How are you today?”

It was a bit weird seeing her, he hadn’t really talked to her since the day he broke his shoulder. “I’m...It's just another day. I’m just trying to keep it together at this point, like trying to find something to live for… you know?”

Y/N nods and takes a seat in his single couch in the room, “I get it-”

“You don’t though,” He interrupts her. “You have no idea what it's like to want something you can’t have.”

There is a long pause between them both, Haz was being harsh but he was also talking way more than just the alcohol.

“Harrison… I am so sorry about whatever happened between us,” She takes a deep breath. “I honestly feel in my gut that you would’ve been a greater partner, there is no doubt in my mind about that.”

Haz avoids eye contact with her, he’s not pissed at her because she didn’t do anything but he did want to know where she was going with this.

“But for some reason, Tom and I just had gravitated towards each other.” She takes another moment because she’s holding back some tears, “You’re meant to be a part of my life, Harrison...you can’t deny that.”

The blonde finally gains some courage to make eye contact with her, he knew she meant well and he couldn’t be her man. He would just have to be happy with the fact that they could at least be friends.

“I can’t deny it and I’m glad you ended up with Tom. You’re good for him, he needs an angel in his life.”

They both laugh, that was a bit cheesy but it was true. She shrugs her shoulders, “Well, I wouldn’t call myself an angel but…”

They both share another laugh, “You’re funny, glad to know you agree.” He says as he adjusts himself on the bed. It becomes a bit awkward between the two, and she decides to break the silence.

“So… are you excited for the ball?” She gets up from the chair, preparing to leave his room in a bit.

Haz had completely forgotten about that again, he wished that he stopped getting reminded about the ball entirely. “I mean, I’m sure I would have a better time with two able arms but maybe Bella will spare me a dance even with just one arm.”

Y/N lets out a sigh, “Well you’ll just have to make the best of it - we both will. I’m sure we’re going to have an amazing time.”

Haz nods, “ At least Tom agreed to put Shirley Temples on the menu for me.” He lets out a laugh, he could live with a fancy non-alcoholic beverage every now and then.

She lets out a giggle, “ Well that’ll be on the menu for both of us that night..”

Haz scrunches his brows in confusion, “What do you mean? Isn’t Stella Artois your go to drink?”

Y/N nods, “Yes but -” She takes a deep breath, “It’s still too early to say but my period is late.”

It didn’t quite click in his head what Y/N was trying to tell him, “So, what does your period have to do with having a drink?”

She scratches her head, only Harrison would need someone to explain what this means twice, “Uhm, I’m pretty sure I’m pregnant. I’m going to be a mom.” This was something she never thought would happen considering the fact that Tom was constantly denying her the right to a family.

“You’re kidding, right?” Harrison splurts out. He wasn’t happy about this, the main reason being that this solidified that they were never going to be.

“Harrison-”

“No!” He gets up from his bed and throws the control across the room, he’s shaking his head in disappointment. “This is not the lifestyle to raise a life in, Y/N!”

Y/N tries to cut in but he continues.

“Seeing Tom live this life when we were kids was brutal...I know for a fact that he isn’t going to be fucking happy about this.”

“You’re wrong!” Y/N crosses her arms, “You don’t know him like I do! Being a recovering alcoholic doesn’t give you the right to be an asshole!”

Haz rolls his eyes and lets out a laugh, “You’re being naive! I’ve known him since before we hit puberty. I know him inside and out. He’s never going to leave the mob, Y/N. Keep dreaming.” He was lying straight through his teeth but he was so upset with her.

“Then maybe you should’ve married him, Harrison!”

“He’s not the one I wanted to marry!”

She doesn’t even have a response, it’s like a never ending circle of arguing between the two.

He continues, “When I told you I loved you since the first time I laid my eyes on you… I meant it. The only thing the alcohol made me do was to tell the truth, seeing you with my best friend everyday is hell.”

Y/N sighs, a silent almost egoistic laugh escapes her mouth. “Well, I hope you enjoy the flames because I’m with Tom till the end.” She makes her way to exit his room, and she stops right at the doorway. She turns around, “One more thing…” She points her finger at him, “Stay the fuck away from me. I’m so done, Harrison. Whatever this is -” She moves her finger back and forth between them, “It’s nonexistent in every way possible.”

Haz’s nostrils are flaring, he’s mad beyond control.

Before she leaves she has one more thing to say, “Don’t tell Tom about the baby, it’s a surprise. See you in passing at the ball.” And that was it, she slammed the door behind her and left the blonde alone.

Did she mean everything she said? Not everything. She didn’t want him to stay away from her but this was for the best. A few tears escape her eyes as she makes her way back into her home.

Haz grabs the food that Y/N brought him and knocks it off the nightstand with his one able hand.

This was so infuriating and in these moments is when he would go and drink but he needed a new outlet now. He needed to grieve the idea that he and Y/N were never going to happen. He had to come to terms that she was having his baby and he was literally going to have to live with that for the rest of his life.

He goes to his phone that lies on his bed, he quickly picks it up and goes through his contacts. He brings the phone to his ear, the ringing in his ear builds up his anxiousness until he hears the other voice on the line.

“Hello?”

He takes a deep breath and sighs, “I really need you right now.”

It had been a couple of days since her fight with Haz and she didn’t even think about it too much to be honest. It hurt too much. But tomorrow the ball was finally going to happen and she’s panicking over the thought of not having chosen a dress yet.

She scans through the dresses on the racks in her closet, the lights in the room perfectly highlighting all of them.

“Haven’t picked a dress yet, darling?”

She turns around to find Tom standing at their doorway of their closet, “No.” She lets out a frustrated sigh, “We should just cancel this stupid ball to be honest.”

He laughs and makes his way towards his wife, “I know you don’t mean that, this is your favorite day of the year.”

She turns around, “It really isn’t, I just love to see your family and meet your guests.”

Tom knew she was lying, she waited for this day every year and he’s never seen her so stressed about her outfit before. She lived for the glitz and the glam so he knew this was important to her.

“Listen Y/N,” He brings his hands to her elbows. “I have a little surprise for you.”

She frowns her eyebrows, “What do you mean?”

He extends her arms and leads her into their bedroom, “It’s a little last minute but I had something done for you very quickly, close your eyes.”

Tom pulls Y/N into their bedroom, her eyes closed as he leads her slowly. “Don’t open them, okay?”

She giggles, “I’m not!” He laughs at her response, “Alright, one more second.” He lets go of her arms and comes around, his hands coming up to cover her eyes.

“Are you ready?” He kisses the back of her neck, chills running up her spine.

“Yes, love. What is it?” She lets out a little giggle.

He removes his hands from her eyes and reveals a stunning pink dress, “It’s custom Valentino...I really thought this was the dress for this year.”

She covers her mouth with her hands, “Tom, it’s gorgeous..it’s perfect to be quite honest.”

He hugs her from behind, “Tomorrow is going to be perfect love, I’m sorry for all the mess that’s been happening.”

She turns around in his arms, “It’s not your fault, I promise you I’ve never been happier.” She wanted to tell him about the baby right then and there but she thought it would make tomorrow feel even more special with the news.

“I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, Tom.”

They share a quick kiss but as he pulls away, she pulls him in again. She kisses him like if it was the first time and this is how she knew they were endgame.

He pulls away slowly, “Well, that was nice..” He lets out a laugh and holds Y/N tight, “I have a meeting in a bit but I have time for a quick breakfast date.”

Y/N gives him a quick peck, “Say no more, I’m going to make some tea. I’ll see you downstairs.” He smiles and gives her a soft slap in the butt as she walks away, “I want you so bad right now.” She turns around, “You’re just going to have to wait until after your meeting.” She winks and exits the room, a little teasing was always fun.

She started making her way downstairs and everything felt so perfect except for the fact that her and Harrison couldn’t be in the same room as each other. But Y/N hoped that if Haz reached out to Bella that maybe that would open up the possibility of a friendship between the two.

As soon as Y/N reached the kitchen, she noticed a bright yellow color on the marble counter.

“Goodmorning, Mrs. Holland.” Says their head of security, James.

“Goodmorning, James.”

“Those flowers delivered in your name, I left them on the counter for you.”

“Thank you, James.” He gives her a nod and leaves to meet the rest of the security outside waiting to receive their duties for the day.

She looks back at the marble counter and notices that the yellow she is seeing are actually sunflowers. At first she thought they were from Tom but as soon as she lifts the flowers to smell them, she sees the note that was lying underneath them.

This is when she realizes something doesn’t feel right, but she decides to read the letter anyway.

It reads,

Can’t wait to meet you, Y/N. Who knows where tomorrow will take us. -Ceez

She didn’t know anybody by that name, and she knew the guestlist in and out. And as she looks back at the flowers, she realizes that at the end of the stem there were still roots attached, these sunflowers were the ones from her garden.

“Darling, do you need help with breakfast?”

She sets down everything and gives Tom a worried look.

He finishes buckling his wrist buttons, “What’s wrong?”

That same morning Haz woke up drenched in his thoughts, he didn’t understand why he kept exposing his feelings. It had been a couple of days since his fight with Y/N and he was still processing the whole thing. It was evident they were never going to be an item and he had to come to terms with that without relying on his addiction.

He lay in his bed, turning over onto his back. He brings his arm under and wraps it around the girl next to him and brings her closer to him, “Bella?”

She snuggles herself into his chest, her arms hugging him by the waist. “Goodmorning, Haz.” She kisses his chest and holds him even tighter. She had been staying with him for the past couple of days now. She had been so pissed about what had happened at dinner and how Haz stood her up but they’ve had plenty of make up sex.

“How are you feeling?” She asks as she looks him in the eyes.

He gives a quick eskimo kiss, “I’ve been happier since you’ve been here.”

She giggles and pushes his chest playfully, “Shut up, you’re just saying that.”

He laughs and holds her tight with his arm, “I’m not, I’m being serious. I love having you here with me.”

They both lean in for a kiss and Haz could only think that he could get used to this. He runs with the thought of what was the whole point of being in love with Y/N, it made no sense but this did.

He was settling with the idea Bella could be his person, and he was vibing with the woman he was with right now. “I’m sorry I was such a jerk.”

“Harrison, you don’t have to apologize for anything anymore.” She rests her hand on his cheek.

“Bella… at the wedding… I told you I was in love with Y/N...while you and I were still fooling around and I still feel so awful for that.” And he really did feel bad, sure he always had an attraction to Bella but was so caught up in Y/N that he was always screwing things up. “I’m not in love with her.”

He knew he couldn’t be. “I’ve always wanted you, Bella.”

She lets a few tears escape her eyes, “I’ve always wanted you, too… you have no idea.”

She pressed her lips against his, she almost felt like this moment would never come again.

Haz keeps his lips against hers, he could only feel like things were looking up for him. It felt like he could be satisfied without the booze, without Y/N if he was with Bella, and that’s the way it was going to have to be. If Harrison was going to move on, he was going to have to make big changes and he was going to start that change at the ball.

As the duo stay deep in their kiss, his guesthouse door slams wide open. “Harrison!”

Bella and Haz immediately pull the sheets up to cover their nude bodies, “Tom, mate! What the fuck!”

Tom ignores the fact that Bella is even there, he’s too riled up to even really notice. He holds the letter that was delivered with the sunflowers and tosses it onto Haz’s bed, “We’re in trouble, mate.”

A/N: When I tell you the drama that is planned for the next chapter...y’all aren't even ready!!! Please let me know your thoughts, predictions, anything!!! I want to hear it. -Amy💛

p.s not everyone that is on the taglist asked to be tagged but if you want me to remove you let me know!!

Taglist: @ladybirduris @thedaydreamingwriter @a-walk-in-silence @tomhaz @mischiefmanaged49 @tomshufflepuff @smexylemony @musicgirl234 @spidey-pal @greenarrowhead @superheros-and-others @captainbuckyy @kawaiigothfishpasta @hollandechart @thollandx @glader-witch-wolf @amren-rhyssecond @peteryesparker @hazhasmycoffee @the-queen-procrastinator @hollandroos@spiderboytotherescue @hotsterfield@thedaydreamingwriter

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criticalotterstudies · 4 years

Text

To Dworkin's admirers, she was a hot-rod combination of martyr and holy warrior, a survivor of sexual abuse who dared to speak truth to power. To her critics, she was a raging harpy who rose up out of nowhere, intent on taking away their porn and (some of the male ones vaguely suspected) their manhood. With law professor Catharine MacKinnon she wrote an ordinance (passed by the city of Indianapolis) that defined pornography as a kind of speech crime that violated the civil rights of all women -- the law was later overturned as unconstitutional. She testified before the infamous Meese Commission on pornography, forming what many saw as a dangerous alliance with the radical right. She was said to have written that all heterosexual intercourse was the equivalent of rape, though she denied that the passage in question amounted to such a claim.

Dworkin was a gifted, galvanizing communicator, both in print and as a public speaker. She was the Jonathan Edwards of radical feminism, capable of calling ecstatic souls to her cause, transforming her listeners and readers in ways many of them never forgot, even if they eventually came to disagree with her. (See Susie Bright's eloquent eulogy for an example.) She could inspire impromptu Take Back the Night marches and the instant formation of anti-violence groups, sincere efforts to do something to check the abuse that real women really do suffer every day, even if the response to it in this case was more ideological than practical.

But Dworkin was also a pioneer of a particular and pernicious type of rhetoric, one currently being used much more effectively by talk radio hosts and the extreme political right. Here's a classic example: During the Monica Lewinsky scandal, Dworkin quarreled with feminists who did not consider Bill Clinton's sexual encounters with the White House intern to be sufficiently exploitative to merit impeachment. A principled, reasonable argument could be made that Clinton's behavior was unethical, but Dworkin was never about reason. "What needs to be asked," she told a British journalist, "is, was the cigar lit?"

The statement (it seems too sensationalistic to be called a quip) is pure Dworkin: a ghoulishly creative melodramatic flourish that has little bearing on the matter at hand. Clinton may have acted sleazily, with a callous disregard for the emotional consequences of his actions on a young woman who was too naive and eager-to-please to grasp them herself, but no one suspects or has accused him of sadistically torturing her. Yet Dworkin was never able to enter into a conversation about morality unless the stakes were escalated to the stratosphere. The everyday realm where most of us commit our minor sins against, and injuries to, each other didn't really interest her. She only cared for the Grand Guignol.

Dworkin came out of and contributed to a subculture of feminism that specialized in this kind of irresponsible overstatement. A certain style developed: Throw out a handful of lurid, grisly anecdotes as if they amounted to an indictment of an entire class of people (usually men), who, if the worst of them can be shown to be guilty of such outrages, must all be equally responsible for them. The shock will soften your audience up enough to keep them from asking just how typical such atrocities really are and how widely condoned. Yes, they do happen, but like the handful of kidnapped little girls during the summer of 2002, such horrors can be made to seem epidemic when they're actually a rarity. Meanwhile, the much less exciting, if far more common, troubles of women who are simply trying to feed their children on inadequate wages, or get a decent job, fall by the wayside.

After this came the dodgy statistics, the one out of every four women said to have been raped in her lifetime, the alleged upsurge in domestic violence reports after the Super Bowl, and other mediagenic numbers. If these "facts" later turned out to be wobbly (or, in the case of the Super Bowl story, an outright hoax), many women's advocates rarely seemed to grasp the damage they'd done. After all, they were only calling attention to real, pervasive problems, which rape and domestic violence unquestionably are.

But here's the rub: If you get sloppy with the truth, then anyone who doesn't feel like dealing with those problems can happily devote himself to quibbling with your numbers instead. Does it really matter that much whether it's one women in four who will be raped, or one woman in 10? Or 20? It's still too many, and it needs to be stopped. Good luck getting that done while everyone's busy arguing about your stats.

The ravaged, bruised and mutilated women who parade through Dworkin's writings can seem as insubstantial as these numbers. As described by her, they're like the characters in an urban legend or campfire story, like the girl who finds the bloodied hook hanging from the car door handle. She tells their stories with an unseemly relish, and they're portrayed as completely and utterly helpless and abject, with no one to turn to but their equally brutalized yet indomitable champion. "Heartbreak" professes to be the testament of someone who has devoted herself to abused women, but the only three-dimensional human being who emerges from the book's Sturm und Drang is Dworkin herself. It's a mistake to equate a writer's work with how she lives her life, so let us hope that, in person, Dworkin managed to treat these women as more than rescue objects.

Perhaps in recent years Dworkin was pleased to see support for her own ideas in the theories of evolutionary psychologists who argue for the innate aggression of male sexuality, and even go so far as to suggest that men are born to rape. Probably not, though; she would have likely seen it as an excuse to go on raping. The very opposite of self-reflective, she never reconsidered her position on porn, so she surely never wondered what all the time and energy feminists spent on the "Sex Wars" of the 1980s might have accomplished if it had been redirected toward helping abused women gain the financial and emotional wherewithal to reclaim their lives. Her contribution to the discussion on most issues failed the ultimate litmus test: Even when she was right, she made the public conversation stupider. (Though some of her opponents, who could rarely resist ad hominem remarks about her appearance, surpassed her even in that.)

https://www.salon.com/2005/04/12/dworkin_3/

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dillydedalus · 5 years

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august reading

minus my women in translation month reads, because i’m still working on the last one but want to include it... that wrap-up will come in a few days once i’m done with the last book.

not all dead white men: classics and misogyny in the digital age, donna zuckerberg classicist donna zuckerberg (facebook dude’s sister!) talks about how the alt-right, pick-up artists, incels etc. use the classics to assert & justify their misogyny and racism & portray themselves as the inheritors/saviours of western civilisation etc. the main examples she looks at are stoicism, ovid’s ars amatoria, and ancient narratives about sexual violence, which were all really interesting, but i feel like this could have been expanded a lot. 3.5/5

magic for liars, sarah gailey fun & cool crime story about a murder at a secret magical school (school nurse cut in half in magical library!), answering the burning question of what would happen if petunia dursley became a somewhat dysfunctional PI & had to solve a magical murder at hogwarts, where lily is a teacher. 3/5

the lie tree, frances hardinge frances hardinge writes the kind of middle grade/YA books i wish i could have read between like 10-14, where the world is spooky and the girls are angry spiteful stubborn resourceful sneaky things. i loved a skinful of shadows and i loved the lie tree, where curious snake girl (not literally it’s not that kind of a book) has to investigate her scandal-hounded natural scientist father’s death by spreading lies on the miserable island he died on and literally feeding them to spooky science-defying tree - and faith is very good at lying, and very angry, and very much willing to drag the whole island down with her. read for spooky trees, fake ghosts, and victorian male natural scientists being dumb and sexist & victorian female (& thus secret) natural scientist being smart & awesome. 4.5/5

the dead ladies project: exiles, expats & ex-countries, jessa crispin i have been at turns in love & really annoyed with crispin’s 2012 essay on william james, berlin & her own mental breakdown (x) since uh..... 2012 - it says some really interesting things about berlin’s capital-i Image as the city for self-destructive broke & weird messes, it’s very quotable, while also being some of the most irritating Anglophone Expat in Berlin Bullshit ever concocted (’we have surprisingly affordable rents’ sure didn’t age well.....) and saying almost nothing about the actual city outside of the Expat Bubble (apparently every single person in berlin is here because they feel like a failure.... YALL SOME PEOPLE JUST LIVE HERE). this book, structured around crispin’s soul-searching trip around europe, with each city being discussed in connection with an artist/writer/artist’s wife/etc who lived there, opens with that essay and i’m still torn. the thing is, crispin is smart & well-read & occasionally capable of some interesting insight & good writing..... she is also at times utterly insufferable, ranting at length about how she despises women who perform learned helplessness & prioritise men over everything else only to turn around & do the same fucking thing over & over, incl. going on endlessly about her torturous affair with a married writer, performing her ‘broke but independent woman traveller’ while uh.... staying at a friend’s luxurious farmhouse in switzerland for free... at one point she says she never felt at home in kansas bc based on her looks people don’t believe she’s really from kansas & constantly ask her where she’s REALLY from because.... y’all.... while she’s a good-looking white woman she has an ANGULAR FACE. sure jan. there is so much cool stuff in here, and i wish crispin had kept some most of the personal stuff out of it. 2/5

mansfield park, jane austen hmmmm... austen is always good but this feels like it’s maybe the one novel of hers that is most negatively affected by values dissonance in that its morality feels like it’s from an alien culture which considers a private theatre performance to be the very height of impropriety (aka regency england apparently); as a result, fanny, a passive, timid, neglected girl of strong convictions often comes across as a moralistic prig (i will make no excuses for edmund, who’s just a patronising sanctimonious prig outright). there’s a quiet sort of triumph in fanny’s integrity & conviction in the face of a literal campaign of harrassment from everyone in her life including the dude she’s in love with to marry a reforming (maybe) rake & i love her for that, but her triumph in returning to mansfield park elevated in the esteem of everyone there (except aunt norris who is delightfully vile) feels empty considering that these are the same people who previously neglected her. also edmund sucks. 3/5 #justice4marycrawford #mary/fannyOTP #alsoarewegonnatalkabouttheslavery #guessnot

fool’s quest (fitz & the fool #2), robin hobb the first one in this trilogy was pretty much slow-paced set-up and character development... this one is much better: there’s a lot going on & the character development feels much more organic & complex - fitz seems to have come down from Peak Dumbass a bit & i really liked how it developed shun (shine!!!) and lant, who felt really one-dimensionally awful last book. also there are so many moments when the farseer family really comes thru for fitz & i cried literally every single time. so yeah. this one’s great, can’t wait for the next one but i also really don’t want it to be over :/ 4/5

what matters in jane austen, john mullan fun little collection of essays looking at specific details and minutae and their meaning/importance in austen’s work - like, how old are the characters (incl. age differences), how do characters address each other, what do games do they play, what about the servants, etc. don’t expect deep litcrit but it’s fun. 2.5/5

dead mountain: the untold true story of the dyatlov pass incident, donnie eichar hello i’m fred & i am obsessed with mountaineering disasters. the dyatlov pass incident refers to a night in 1959 where 9 russian hikers died in the ural mountains after they left their tent half-dressed without shoes for ~mysterious reasons. it’s pretty creepy & theories about it run from ‘avalanche’ to ‘animal [yeti] attack’ to ‘aliens and/or soviet conspiracy theory’. eichar too is super obsessed w/ this mystery and even went to the ural mountains & the dyatlov pass to investigate, which sadly makes for the least interesting (and possibly the longest) part of this book (the other timelines are the dyatlov group hike & the investigations after their deaths). the ‘59 timelines are both interesting tho & provide a good look into how weird the whole thing is. i enjoyed this, but i wish he had cut the endless chapters of him investigating, which is mostly russians being like ‘idk man aliens/radioactivity/secret govt agents?’ and him hiking around in a lot of snow, neither of which really added to his theory or my enjoyment. 2/5

if beale street could talk, james baldwin baldwin’s prose is staggeringly brilliant as always. this is a story about a young black couple (tish, who is the narrator, and fonny) in the 70s who are planning to move together and marry when fonny is wrongly arrested for rape by a racist cop with a grudge; tish and her family try to get him out, especially once tish realises that she’s pregnant. tish is a great narrator, at the same time kind of naive and soft, and full of world-weary cynicism about white institutions and racism, and her narrative voice at times drifts in and out of other characters’ minds, which i found an interesting effect. as many baldwin’s novels this is full of rage & violence & tenderness & tiny sparks of hope. 4/5

lady susan, jane austen epistolary novella about a 35-year-old lady susan, a scheming, ruthless, not-so-grieving widow, who is trying to get her timid daughter frederica married to a buffoon. while staying with her sweetly clueless brother-in-law vernon and trying to win over his much more suspicious wife, she makes the wife’s brother reginald (lol) fall in love with her. a very different protag and story for austen & while the end can’t quite commit to either punishing susan very much or letting her triumph, it is a lot of fun. 3/5

on a sunbeam, tillie walden this is an absolutely beautiful (the colours!) graphic novel about a spaceship crew (the spaceship is a fish) who fly around & restore old space buildings. it’s also a story about a romance between two young girls at a boarding school (in space) and about found families and deep space and there’s not a single man in this, just women and elliot, who’s nonbinary. lovely, dreamy and completely gorgeous. want me a fish spaceship. 4/5

between birthday books and birthday giftcards i also acquired uh.... 12 new books??? which is INSANE. i’m not committing to a book buying ban but i should probably chill a lil in the next few months.

#crispin talks about potsdam as the outskirts of berlin and like.... it's a whole different city #the books i read #austen august didn't quite pan out but i'm planning to read one of her novels per month #i am planning to skip p&p bc i read it last year but.... it's really good y'all

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superwolfiestar · 5 years

Text

Satisfied (one shot)

"Okay okay! Everyone! Attention please!" Drake Marshall chirped, raising his champagne glass in the air. The loud clunk when the spoon hit the transparent glass echoed. Wide smile; everyone smiled back to him, listening with anticipation.

With a mic he was handed from the DJ he said out loud, atmosphere light with a hint of excitement, "Please welcome! The groomsmen! Panchito Pistoles and Jose Carioca!"

Everyone clapped and whistled when the Panchito and Jose walk to the empty dance floor. With both soft smiles Panchito accepted the mic from Drake with a glass of wine in their hands.

Panchito inhaled deeply, the sweet scent of cookies and delicious cake hit his beak, “A toast to the groom," Panchito said, raising the empty transparent glass that glistened. Donald gave him the iconic bunny smile; cheek reddened, he shyly nodded when all the guests looked to him.

Looking handsome with the black tux and a beautiful flower attached to his left pocket. Panchito never sees a man as handsome as he is tonight.

Jose let out a deep breath, he forced out a smile; he thanked himself for being a good actor at the time like this from College. His jaw flexed but changed before anyone can notice his uncomfortable expression.

"To the bride," Jose smile at Daisy as she given him a boxy grin, laughing happily and bowed politely to the guest of her wedding. She didn't mind the way Jose addressed him, the groom and the bride turned into tomatoes for a moment.

"From your best friends," ah, Panchito's fond gaze. Donald was his best friends, no one can replace him in their life. Both Jose and Panchito felt sick, they hate themself.

"Who is always by your side," Panchito kept looking at him like he was a god. The friend that always protect them that always provide them with a shelter. A perfect figure, just if Panchito know what's going inside his head. The rotten soul of his, the trust that will remain untold forever no matter what.

"To your union and the hope that you provide," Jose sang, his chest hurt like crazy. He was going insane, the pain was stabbing his heart. A pang inside his heart, he felt cold in the warm day. Even the sweetest wine will never cure the sourness inside him.

"May you always," They held their breath, they was going to say it, "Be satisfied."

The image suddenly flashed before their eyes, the image they wanted to erase from their memories. The scene they adores and despised so much. It rewinding by itself, out of two Caballeros control.

They remembered that night, they just might.

They remembered that night, the night they will regret for the rest of their days. The black spot that tainted their souls and creating a huge hole they can't cover up.

The night when those ladies came and tripping to get praises from them.

The dreamlike candle lights, the chandeliers, and a dream you can't quite place. The dazzling pictures of perfection, a night they will never forget.

They will never forget they both have a crush on Donald.

They has never been the same.

Intelligent eyes face full of hunger for something new.

Pure curiosity with a target to be the number one.

Passion clearly portrayed, eyes you wouldn't find in your everyday life.

When Donald said "Hi" they forgot their freakin' names.

The boy with an adorable duck smile, he set his fellow friend Caballeros heart aflame, he lights every corner of their heart. The fire that will never die, no amount of water can help their burning heart.

This wasn't a game. The two Caballeros knew they were head over the heels for the duck.

'Strike us, as a man who will never be satisfied' they said, Donald frowned. How arrogant the boy to talked impolitely to him; Donald wasn’t just a normal person in a huge luxury party.

He gave a murderous glare to them, hands clenched his wine glass, 'I'm sure you don't know what you mean, you forget yourself,' he blurted out coldly, smile so bitter like a glass of vodka.

The two Caballeros shook his head, chuckling softly, 'you're like us, Donald. we’ve never been satisfied,' for a moment, two Caballeros left Donald speechless. Nobody ever knows what's happening inside their mind. How the people around him always disappointing him, how he always yearning for something new and extraordinary. He alway have his bad luck in his way. He was greedy and he wanted more.

Satisfaction was something Donald never know, something unimaginable.

The duck swallowed, throat dry, he licked his plump lips before he said, 'Is that right?' his voice wavered, laced with excitement he never know existed. Thinking that his friends were just drunk or whatever. His lips trembled, he smiled too wide to the boy who grinned back to him.

Walking closer, two Caballeros was slightly taller than Donald. Even when they were taller, the Duck didn't flinch back; he was totally okay with Panchito and Jose intimidating aura. The duck gazed back at them with a firm face and shining eyes. Confident and full of determination.

'We have never been satisfied.'

Stepped back from them, his twin sister suddenly drag him with her, 'just you wait, just you wait!' They said as Donald was out of their sight.

Heart skipped a beat, their eyes sparkled. They covered their mouth to hold back a happy shout. This was what it felt to match wits.

The feeling of freedom, when someone is at your level! When someone understands what you want the most; when someone knows what you desire.

The urgency, the boat sailed together.

The urge to tell him more, to share what inside your soul and mind.

The conversation last three or maybe four minutes, Panchito and Jose wanted more of Donald Duck. They already missed the boy’s presence.

The way Donald averted his eyes and bit his own bottom lips, they found it to be adorable.

Panchito wanted to take that handsome boy to somewhere far away from this place. With no one but them, they was ready to do it actually. The pictures where them and Donald talk for hours, sharing their thoughts. Drinking while joking, performing the unbreakable relationship.

He was so ready until Jose suddenly grab him by the arm, Panchito look at him. Jose look seem to be heartbroken as he pointed his finger at something. Panchito look confused as he turned around and saw their Donald and he is-

Helpless.

And they knew he was-

Helpless.

And, his eyes were just-

Helpless.

Suddenly they realized that Donald was in love with a female duck, three fundamental truths at the exact same time. His eyes went blank, face stoic like a statue, everything turned grey. The world lost its color and Donald chuckled dryly.

Number one, He was a Duck in a world which his only job was to marry love, to bring happiness to him.

To build and keep his goal as strong as possible.

Keeping his dream at the bay, holding them together in this messy universe.

He was the youngest twin brother of Della Duck, the one who has a huge responsibility to take care of his sister. To keep her safe, to provide her with a comfortable shelter in McDuck Manor. A safe place from the cruel world, a replacement of their deceased parents.

He was the social Duck, the one that can steal people heart with just a simple smile. He was the one that can pull up his family and climb the dangerous cliff of social status.

Donald was penniless, he can't runaway from his responsibility and ditch everything so he can waste his precious time with them.

But that didn't mean they wants Donald any less.

Number two, the young girl was after him because he was a nephew of Scrooge McDuck. She needed Donald to get a high social status, she will use him to survive in the middle of the chaotic world. Donald’s name will boost up his status, the girl was too naive to put that aside. How stupid to be blinded by a simple smile.

Maybe that was why these two decided to introduce Daisy Duck to their dear friend, Donald.

Maybe that was why they walked calmly, searched for the face of Donald first love; the love of his life. Grabbed Daisy's hand easily, leading her across the room to Donald's place.

'Where are you taking me?'

'We’re about to change your life.'

'Then by all means, lead the way boys.'

They were smiling like a good friends. Didn't forget to give a teasing wink to them when they left both of them, they smiled proudly even when their heart shattered into pieces. Jose gave Donald a wave to assured the young man that he was doing great. Donald introduced himself, playing with his sailor hat while Daisy smile at him; they locked their gaze. Donald lost himself.

Now their precious crush is sitting beside his beloved wife.

Nice going, Panchito and Jose.

He was right.

Jose was right.

Donald will never be satisfied.

Number three, they knew their best friend like they knows their own mind. He knew everything about Donald like the back of his palm, he took care of the lovely duck throughout their adventure. He knew how Donald always play with his sailor hat if he is nervous or when he stutters in front of strangers.

He knew when a duck laughs; the young man's eyes always turn into a beautiful moon. You will never find anyone as trusting or as kind like Donald. Donald is the rare person, the type of person that will jump and risk his own life for his family and friend, and a total stranger. The person who always find good inside every mammals being.

If they tells Daisy that they loved Donald, she was sure that she will silently resign. She will leave Panchito and Jose with Donald and the image where three of them kissing will come true but that's also mean the future where Daisy cries alone heartbroken will also come true. They will never forgive themselves if that happens.

Daisy is a nice woman but she will suffer and they don’t like seeing people suffer.

Daisy will say ' I'm fine ' with her kind smile, but Jose will notice the way Daisy hand clenched into a fist; how her eyes twitch because she is holding back the tears; She'd be lying.

When they fantasize at night, it's always Donald's eyes. The playful glint, full of passion and kindness at the same time. They drowned with the bitter-sweet memories while their beloved crush and Daisy cuddled on the couch or living room. Jose cried while the couple had a nice candlelight dinner. Panchito bit his lips until it bleed when they exchanged sweet kisses.

As they romanticized what would happen if they hadn't sized Donald up so quickly. They were glad they took Daisy to Donald because they never sees Donald so happy like that.

At least his dear Donald is his first love's husband.

At least they keep their eyes in their life.

Once again, Panchito and Jose were back to the reality. All guests were waiting for them to finish their short speech.

Huey raised his eyebrow, Dewey and Louie on the corner while Scrooge put down his wine glass.

Ah, they can hear their own heart breaking into pieces again even when it's already so broken to the point he believes it will stop working soon. He cleared his throat, looked down to his expensive shoes for a second and suddenly raised his face with a really wide grin on his face.

"A toast to the groom!" Jose shouted, gripping the mic as tightly as possible. All guests raised their glass together with them.

"To the bride!" Panchito announced, all of the wedding guest followed them and cheered for Donald and Daisy.

They left the empty dance floor, given the mic back to the DJ and let the waiter took his champagne glass. They took several long strides to the couple’s table.

With warm tears on the corner of their eyes, Donald cupped Panchito wet cheek.

"From your best friends,” Panchito said, eyes brimmed with tears; nobody knows the true meaning from those tears, thinking it was just a tears of joys. Even Donald himself wasn't sure.

"Who is always by your side," the way they voice cracked, his crooked fingers wiped Jose's sweet tears. He kissed the Donald forehead softly, he let out a shaky breath. Why all of this tasted so fucking bitter, his aching heart wanted to scream and shout out his pain.

"To your union and the hope that you provide," he opened his arms, welcoming Donald’s figure that trembled with happiness and Daisy for having a great friend and her utopia as his wife. Panchito can feel Jose’s hugged his waist, he hugged back as tightly.

"May you always," he whispered to the duck ear.

"To be satisfied."

They left the reception as Jose suddenly embraced Panchito, when his beloved friend cried against his broad shoulder; when he hiccuped and Panchito closed his eyes softly; drowning with his Jose sobs and the clapping sound was heard.

[“And I know.”]

[“He will be happy as her groom.”]

[“And we know he will never be satisfied.”]

It was their eyes that they saw the newlywed couple smiling to each other and kissing to each other.

["We will never be satisfied."]

#ducktales 2017 #donald duck #panchito pistoles #jose carioca #daisy duck #satisfied fanfic #fanfic #one shot fanfic #song fanfic #angst fanfic

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crusherthedoctor · 6 years

Text

Crusher’s Sonic Intelligence Tier List 2.0

Last year, I made my own estimations on where the Sonic cast would rank from an intelligence standpoint. For the sake of keeping up to date now that Mania and Forces have been released, I wanted to go back to it for the sake of adding a few characters who weren't featured the first time around. I also wanted to change a few placements on the list in light of the characters’ portrayals in Forces, as well as just having some second thoughts about them in general. Note that this is still a game-centric list, so no characters from SatAM/Archie/etc.

Do you agree with this list? Disagree? Feel free to elaborate on your thoughts either way. :)

GENIUS TIER

Dr. Ivo Robotnik/Dr. Eggman - Most people would argue that Gerald Robotnik should be higher than him, since the doctor himself held his grandfather in high regard in Adventure 2. Thing is, Gerald's long dead, and Ivo himself has made a great number of breakthroughs and achievements SINCE Adventure 2. Regardless of where you stand on the subject, Robotnik is indisputably the greatest living genius in the Sonic universe.

Professor Gerald Robotnik - That said, Gerald was a very gifted man to have created a lifeform like Shadow, as well as other accomplishments like the Artificial Chaos and the Space Colony A.R.K. Especially when you remember that he lived during a time in which the world as a whole was far less advanced.

Miles “Tails” Prower - How many kids do you know who can create different types of highly advanced contraptions and vehicles like it’s nothing? Let alone fake Chaos Emeralds?

VERY HIGH TIER

Wave the Swallow - Her engineering prowess speaks for itself.

Rouge the Bat - Comes with the job. An expert in infiltration and hacking, a master of deception, and an expert treasure hunter. Given how she explained Soleanna’s monarchy system to Shadow at the drop of a hat, that would also indicate she’s well read and has a good memory.

Blaze the Cat - More to do with implication, but she did once ask Tails if he could build a device that scans and analyses plasma and electromagnetic signals, in a tone that implied she knew what she was talking about.

HIGH TIER

Sonic the Hedgehog - Being able to avoid obstacles and fellow citizens with no issue at such insane speeds would imply that Sonic has a sharp mind and thought process. He’s also been shown on numerous occasions to adapt very quickly to unfamiliar situations, and his advice is usually profound in it’s simplicity. He can be pretty sly with his battle strategies as well when he puts his mind to it.

Shadow the Hedgehog - He doesn’t always have it right, but most of the time he’ll figure out what’s going on pretty quickly. Ever since the Black Arms incident, he’s also been wise to villainous trickery.

Erazor Djinn - Played his cards right from start to finish. Didn’t really make any stupid decisions, and made dastardly efficient use of what he had to work with, particularly his complicated relationship with Shahra.

Metal Sonic - Another one born out of implication, but given how he was created to be a match for Sonic in every way, I would assume Metal is just as clever as the real deal. He was pretty sharp in the OVA at least, and he had quite a few strategies to throw at the player in his Mania boss fight, including summoning a bunch of Silver Sonics to distract you with.

Merlina - She managed to keep Sonic distracted from her plan, all the while doing a competent job at portraying herself as a helpless bystander.

Heavy King - He was wily enough to try and steal the Master Emerald specifically when Knuckles wasn't guarding it. And it’s possible that he got Heavy Rider to keep Sonic and Tails busy so that they wouldn't intervene either. Too bad for him that Knuckles walked in at the last moment...

Zavok - He had a simple plan, but it was an effective one. He was also good at rolling with the punches whenever things didn’t go his way, and while Master Zik was the one who actually came up with the idea of turning Sonic into a robot, Zik himself estimated that Zavok would have probably came up with the idea on his own accord sooner or later anyway.

Vector the Crocodile - Despite his occasionally bumbling attitude, he’s still the brains of the Chaotix at the end of the day, and his deduction skills have proven to be accurate most of the time. Note that he suspected early on that the person guiding them in Heroes was Robotnik, and he also suspected early on that someone was pulling the Time Eater’s strings. Both of these predictions turned out to be correct.

AVERAGE TIER

Amy Rose - Can be ditzy at times, but she tends to have a good amount of common sense, and despite the lack of focus on it, her skill with tarot cards would add further evidence to her being far from stupid. She's also skilled in sussing out people's emotions and feelings even when they’re strangers to her, and as of Forces, she's now had experience as a resistance leader. With the latter, she's implied to have been reasonably competent in that occupation.

Knuckles the Echidna - He may be incredibly gullible, but he also knows a lot about ancient history, and like Rouge, he’s a very skilled treasure hunter. He was also the main leader of the resistance in Forces, although it seems Amy did most of the actual field work in that regard.

Espio the Chameleon - Maybe he should be higher, but we haven’t really seen much to know for sure with him...

Black Doom - Doesn't do anything especially idiotic (or at least not when it doesn’t involve the in-game AI, that’s another story...), but he can be oddly naive for someone so powerful and ancient. His dialogue in Sky Troops heavily and hilariously suggests that he doesn't know what lightning is.

E-123 Omega - For a robot who likes to use brute force to solve his problems, he has shown to be aware of the thoughts and feelings of those around him, especially when it comes to Shadow.

Marine the Raccoon - She was able to create a decent ship in spite of her boisterous personality.

Cream the Rabbit - Naturally her youthful innocence makes her a little naive, but she’s still prone to surprising moments of insightfulness, such as when she's explaining the concept of sadness to Emerl.

Big the Cat - Some fans (and Bioware) might think he should be lower, but one of the themes with Big is that he’s simple, NOT dumb. Given how we’ve seen him do things like piloting the Tornado - a plane he was unfamiliar with - without any obvious trouble, he's more on-the-ball than most fans give him credit for.

Silver the Hedgehog - Despite his incredible powers and competence with using said powers, he’s proven to be a bit foolish, and doesn’t often plan things out that well. That said, he seems to have gotten his act together somewhat by the time of Forces.

Infinite - Not a moron, but often too careless for his own good and usually bites off more than he can chew because of it. His use of the Phantom Ruby also tends to be very basic and thuggish, compared to the more elaborate and cunning ways Robotnik makes use of it.

Captain Whisker - Goofy, easily distracted and tricked, yet surprisingly effective at making getaways.

LOW TIER

Jet the Hawk - He probably isn’t that stupid overall, but aside from his legitimate hoverboard skills, his arrogance makes him out to be a bit of a fool more often than not. Usually more bark than bite. (Also, he doesn’t seem to realise that being the fastest on an Extreme Gear doesn’t mean you’re actually faster than the guy known for being the fastest thing alive on foot.)

Sticks the Badger - Some of her conspiracy theories can be correct, but she tends to be very... behind on things otherwise.

Charmy Bee - He has to be somewhat competent to still be working with the Chaotix, but he’s generally an airhead.

VERY LOW TIER

Storm the Albatross - Clueless individual in general. Mostly a yes-man through and through.

G.U.N. Commander - “I'm going to get revenge on the guy metaphorically responsible for killing Maria by joining the organization that actually killed her.”

INCOMPETENT SWINE TIER

Eggman Nega - Doesn't understand that by using time travel to wipe his ancestor out of existence, he would be wiping himself out of existence too.

Mephiles the Dark - Doesn't know what a straight line is.

#Opinion #Sonic the Hedgehog

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hollywoodx4 · 6 years

Text

I was blessed enough to see Hamilton so here’s my thoughts.....

(these are from my phone, on which I took notes during intermission and for half an hour when we got back to our hotel after the show....I am still so incredibly shook from the beauty of this show. This is also a good 90% chunk explaining my love of Lexi Lawson throughout all my thoughts so I mean.....enjoy)

(also @apocalyps-o I’m tagging you because as a new Lexi stan I am here for a fellow Lexi stan and you need to know legitimately every detail of how flawless I think she was.)

— Lexi Lawson

Literally an angel

Eliza is my favorite above any other character in this musical so although I was honestly just happy to be there I had the most high standards. They were MORE THAN EXCEEDED.

She is so soft and good, her smile makes me want to fling myself into the sun. She plays Eliza exactly as she should be-gentle, kind, and with this kind of air that makes me want to squeeze her and never let her go. She makes the Reynolds pamphlet hit twice as hard because you fall so deeply in love with her. Her inflection of every note, her vocal control, the way she would do these really soft, long, gradual crescendos that just felt so natural and SOFT SHE IS SO SOFT

Her helpless was such an iconic moment because she really showed Eliza’s naivety but also her excitement, and a lot of her relationship with Angelica because she kept going back to her and hugging her or grabbing her arm, and they’d gossip and I was so excited about the air of sisterhood they held. They’d share these looks with shining eyes and when Mandy Gonzales held her tenderly by the elbows I wanted to cry-It was a closeness I really felt blessed to witness. Also, Lexi’s Eliza Eskimo kissed Peggy during Helpless when she puts all the letters back into their box and it made. My. Entire. Night. It was the cutest thing. Also, her riffs were incredible-the last little riff if Helpless, she held out the first note a bit shorter so she could go into this miraculous, longer, so controlled and effortless riff to ALL sides of her vocal range where she had the biggest smile-so gentle.

Something to note about the difference between her and Pippa is that I think Lexi generally took everything a bit softer-the moments that were big and belt-y in Pippa’s Eliza ended up still being big with Lexi, but gentler. There weren’t these big, loud, joyous moments of belting but these blissful, effortless riffs that really just tugged at my heart as an Eliza stan. She takes the whole idea of Eliza being this naive, young, ANGEL and runs with it so beautifully.

Also, it really made her burn more impactful I think, because she had her powerful moments but they’d been showing more with her facial expression and movement than with the volume of her voice-so when Burn comes, and her voice is cracking and she just looks so DEJECTED? When she sings the first verse as one sort of deep, lethargic sigh? Oh my god. There’s this hint of rejection in her eyes, a helpless sort of tears beginning to pool, it’s the most heartbreaking thing.

She also laughed during helpless at Lafayette, and had to bring herself back it was so precious.

Watching her dote on Peggy too was really sweet, and the Peggy was really funny and I feel like she was rolling with the whole “and Peggy” Joke

Quinton Johnson as Mulligan stole the show. Really. He is so funny, he would do these little motions and actions in the back that had me cackling. The entire audience was CACKLING because he gave so much emotional reprieve after some of the more intense, heavier moments.

I sobbed during dear Theodosia SO MUCH. Daniel Breaker?? He comes out and he starts singing, then you can see him start to cry, and by the end of his first verse he is crying and my heart just felt so attacked by the amount of emotion in that performance. The two of them were so incredibly on top of portraying that feeling, that pride and happiness and pure joy, I couldn’t believe what I was seeing.

The cast dynamic as a whole was incredible-I really felt the way they made the show into their own experience, twisted it to fit their personalities and what they wanted everyone to get out of their experience. The show was so. Funny. And it’s due to the cast and the way they made little moves or added extra quirks that I couldn’t handle. During the cabinet battles there were mics, and I was dying over the fact that there was also a mic drop, and the audience completely ate both cabinet battles up.

And Hamilton Was played aggressively in a way that he really felt more like he was really trying to keep himself under control, like he was having a difficult time keeping his mouth shut and his energy down and finding the appropriate balance of using his voice and trying to keep himself in check. It was really neat to see the way that everything felt much more urgent with Hamilton-like he really was running out of time and he was aggressively trying to get his points across. He was an anxious mess as Ham is, but he definitely portrayed a bit more of the power and precision that Hamilton possessed.

The best scenes in act two were:

Maria being kind of lower key, showing a bit more of her actual young mannerisms because SHE WAS A CHILD. And then during the Reynolds pamphlet when she literally had this look of utter fear and betrayal on her face, like ‘how could he, how dare he,” because her life was falling to shambles. An unrecognized, underappreciated role to portray so much in so little time.

Phillip rapping because he was so shy, and then as Alex built his confidence up he got louder and stood up a bit taller, and by the end Alex was really showing his pride and so Phillip hugged him and left cheering himself on, it made Eliza so happy, she was reeling by the end, what a nice family moment.

Also Lexi doting on him during that scene, sitting on one side of the bench, waving her arms playfully like she’s conducting but she also takes his piano seriously as he’s rolling his eyes. Their whole take on pip and Eliza’s relationship was so sweet. I feel in general that Lexi Lawson did such a wonderful job of showing Eliza’s nurturing side, the way she so gently coddles Phillip and even during helpless how she’s always looking back and going to Peggy, making sure she’s alright.

Lexi’s voice quivering as she’s singing to dying Phillip. And then her choked out sob. Oh my god.

It’s Quiet Uptown. The entire thing. This performance had me shaking in my seat. I felt so deeply rooted in their emotions that my heart felt like it was going to fall out of my body. Right as they’re singing about Eliza standing with Alex in the garden, they were standing next to each other, each of them tearful and looking away from one another with pained expressions. Then, when Eliza takes Alex’s hand and they sing “forgiveness,” Alex completely broke down. Like. Crouched on the floor holding her hand, both of them are sobbing, then they hold on to each other so tightly the rest of the song. She touches his face and they kiss, and god knows how I remember it through the sobbing, but it was the most emotionally raw performance of anything that I have ever witnessed.

Her burn. Because she was so subdued, and everytime she said “do you know what Angelica said” it was in an “oh, stupid me, I should’ve known” voice with this sort of sad slouched shrug, holding her letters and playing with them with her hands and that was HEARTBREAKING.

Her GENTLE, completely heartbreaking CRESCENDO, and the way she finally lost it and BROKE DOWN as she sang “you’ll sleep in your office instead” in a cracking, loud, tearful voice. ugh.

Lexi during Who Lives, Who Dies where she absolutely tore me to pieces with her eyes all tearful and proud as she sings about ELIZA’s legacy. You go girl. And then her gasp at the end? Iconic.

A good goo Jefferson. He was HILARIOUS. Just in his exaggerated movements and his facials, I was dying over every facial expression he made. And Madison carrying around a Hankie and being a big nerd baby.

And every time the king came out and everyone just screamed. He was so animated, and so light on his feet, it’s like the laughter fueled him and every time he came out he was ten times funnier than before.

anyway, I’m about to work every weekend and every day after my full-time job just so that I can see Hamilton again.....this was the best payoff for the ridiculous amount that I work. Like.

#hamilton #lexi lawson #honestly i start using character names bc I'm just too excited to comprehend everythig and need to get it all down before i forget #i am LEGITIMATELY SO FREAKING BLESSED TO HAVE SEEN THIS SHOW #also as someone who has written a novel sized fanfic centered around Eliza I think my Eliza bias is valid

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