#shes having an apple bc birds be like *eats fruit*

[testosteronetwunk]

Even numbers please :)

2. i think all vegans except white vegans are cool. white vegans are just annoying and don’t know how to leave people alone

4. i genuinely believe that the goat man and dogmen are real. i obviously have absolutely no proof it’s just a better world if i believe them to be real it makes everything cooler and scarier. also the rake even tho he’s a creation of 4chan

6. yeah! u can see my current watch in selfies but all of my past watches have had see-through faces so i can stare into the inside mechanism. my current watch is from fossil and my sister gave it to me for my 19th birthday

8. yes i change into specific house clothes after i enter my house it’s just so much more comfortable physically and mentally. even tho my university is really nice it’s in a really gross dangerous ward of the city like if u walk 2 miles off campus ur in the trenches, and i don’t wanna track that filth and also bad energy around my house

10. i always ask for apple juice, the orange juice they serve on airplanes makes my throat itchy for some reason

12. answered this earlier but i do like shiseido, my mom has been using their skincare stuff for so long and she looks great, and i personally love their stuff even tho it’s all kinda expensive

14. yeah. i’m recovering from strep rn and my throat still hurts lol. i’m gonna drink a sip of wotah rn

16. i like it. there was this moment in my teens when my dad thought i *loved* it instead of just liking it so he’d only buy mint chocolate chip ice cream and since it was the only ice cream in the house i’d eat it all up and then that reinforced the idea in his mind that i love mint chocolate so he’d go out and buy MORE mint chocolate etc etc so

18. grapefruit yakult tea with normal boba and lychee jelly. i ordered it once two months ago and now it’s my only order. but when i was a kid (in the early 2000s when boba was $1.75!!!!) i’d get a peach slushy with lychee jelly bc peach is my favorite fruit

20. if i had to choose, probably cinderella (and cinderella 3 LOL) but i always preferred the CGI barbie movies from like 2006 like barbie and the 12 dancing princesses was so fucking good

22. yes! my emotional support water bottle is this massive yeti thermos my parents brought back for me as a souvenir from their stop in yellowstone national park on their hiking vacation when they hiked across literally everything west of the mississippi.

24. i use american english of course. i try to speak in the way that ppl in the late 90s and early 2000s would speak before california buttfucked the american dialect in 2010

26. id say my spice tolerance is really really high, but not as high as my boyfriends. whenever i cook curry i have to make two batches, one for me with a lot of birds eye chilis, and one for matthew with the ghost peppers my aunt grows

28. my last meal would either be vietnamese hủ tiếu with egg noodles AND rice noodles with extra quail eggs, or just dim sum LOL. hủ tiếu for life <3

30. idk what to say for this one but my bf bought me that humongous jack o lantern squishmallow for my birthday the other day and it’s so fucking good and i used it as a pillow during a family road trip to san antonio for the eclipse and that thang absorbed all the bumps from my dads awful driving

[hibernationsuit]

all the food & drinks questions for klara please >:^)

yayyyyyy thank u!!!! 🥹🤍

oc emoji asks

🥞 PANCAKE - what is their comfort breakfast?

Klara rarely ever eats actual breakfast, she either buys something on her way to the office (small take-away yoghurt or a pastry), eats some leftover food from yesterday (apparently pizza is one of her faves?) or just skips it and only drinks coffee.

As for actual comfort breakfast that makes her feel good? She makes very good pancakes and always tends to make them on slow mornings <3

She also sometimes orders breakfast from a nearby cafe on weekends bc they have an amazing breakfast menu.

🎂 BIRTHDAY CAKE - when is their birthday? do they like celebrating it?

February 14th :^) She usually throws a small party for her close friends in the early evening that's just drinks, snacks and fun games. After that she & Tobias have a nice cozy dinner at their apartment <3

She used to throw bigger parties back when she was studying since she was one of the only people in their friend group who actually had a rented apartment instead of a dorm room. She'd always pick a fun theme for the party and there was one important rule: nothing pink or heart-related.

🍩 DONUT - favourite sweet treat?

She likes strawberry pie and apple pie! And also strawberry ice cream. Her favorite ice cream flavor is actually baked apple & cinnamon but it appears very rarely so she doesn't really get to eat it that often :')

🍟 FRIES - do they order food often? or they prefer to cook their own food?

Klara orders food 80% of the time if not more skdkfkfkfk she doesn't like cooking and she also is kinda bad at it. Whenever she actually decides to cook it's either a nice salad or a soup :^) She makes nice mushroom pasta too though.

What she orders depends on the day, if she's feeling a bit bad then she orders tikka masala or something like it bc it makes her feel much better. Another one is salmon with marinated vegetables + potatoes + sauce bc her mother used to make it very often :) Other times it's some kind of pasta or noodles tbh

She might order something fancier every now and then when she feels like it, like some take away meal from an expensive restaurant when she has something to celebrate etc.

☕️ HOT BEVERAGE - do they prefer hot or cold drinks? what is their favourite drink?

It depends! Usually she'd prefer hot drinks in the morning and cold drinks after noon :-)

Her favorite drinks are black coffee, strawberry-banana smoothie and piña colada.

🍓 STRAWBERRY - do they eat their fruit & veg? what is their favourite fruit or vegetable?

Yeah!!! She tends to go with vegetarian foods most of the time, though she's not strictly a vegetarian and basically eats whatever she feels like eating. Klara loves salads simply bc of how easy they are to make and often eats it for lunch at work (she also puts pesto pasta there. :3)

She likes tomatoes and cucumbers a lot, and also apples, grapes and beetroot.

Her ultimate favs are definitely strawberries though :^)

🍰 CAKE SLICE - favourite cake flavour? are they specific about types of cakes?

The most basic carrot cake or cheesecake tbh. She dislikes fancy or over-decorated cakes, and the ones that have too much whipped cream.

🍧 SHAVED ICE - do they still have any objects from their childhood? what significance does it have to them? what would their reaction be if they lost it?

Her necklace with a bird charm! Klara got it when she was five and it's been with her forever, she rarely ever takes it off. It's a custom design, a flying snowy plover. One of her favorite birds, she loved watching them when she was a child <3

#asks #oc: klara

[luminous-shifting-vibes]

*sequel* to actual fucking quotes from the shiftblr coffeehouse discord server

once again, it's out of context because x1000 funnier

also x1000 longer than previous post

"ur satan is gnc af"

"Bestie I’m already having gender envy over a fucking demon please"

"O_O ODEPIJHFbavevisdpvfhzdcnjawedsidjksjdkoeirjfmkdsoeirujdksodifjndmksoidfjdksidfj ITS" NOT IN MY FRAFTS IS SPEDNT 1 hour PN THAT SHIT"

"AUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"

"ohoho sexy"

"I am very proud of myself"

"himbo x edgy fuck"

"YOU COULD SQUISH HES CHEECKS"

"he has teefs"

"SQUASH"

"good for biting 📷"

"he's a himbo basically"

"B͂̒̄iͫ̍̈tͧ̓ͯè̄̇"

"bifth"

"i havent watched blue exorcist in years but mr okumura my beloved </3"

"MY LIFE QUESTIONS HAVE BEEN ANSWERED"

"is it important information to mention that the person i put up for my turn is the son of satan" "I know like 1 thing about everyone who isnt ranboo lmfao"

"crimes"

"tumblr sexyman"

"idk why but my first thought was cowboy onceler"

"I vibe with him but he is very long and twisty"

"steampunk e-girl"

"steampunk tumblr sexyman"

"Canonically bi crimelord I agree!!"

"OOO FRIEND SHAPED"

"ARTIST SIGHTED"

"they look like someone i would want to be friends with but is way cooler than me so i'd never actually talk to them"

"babby..... would die for him"

"honestly i probably kin him"

"i'm sure he's lovely but he looks way too much like my ex i'm sorry-"

"i'd be down for another rotation! i have another twink to show y'all"

"Also :00 blonde friend"

"Let us all infodhmo"

"Hsjagdvbs shhh im on phone"

"Nix woukd you like to joon?

"skitters away"

"I have two braincells and they both drink dumb bitch juice"

"oof wait whats the order again i have 0 memory"

"i want to bond with him over cosplay-"

"Awkwardly watches in band kid"

"One day I'm gonna a broadway star"

"which isnt to say they were bad. they were just fortnite dancing during rehersals"

"I threw it so hard my glasses flew off and slid under the stage right divider"

"anyway heres my boi"

"emo"

"haha emo"

"virgil sanders kinnie"

"he looks like he listens to my chemical panic at the fallout boy"

"Bro I bet he'd kick my ass with his deck"

"bird man my beloved"

"fuck i had so much to say and then i forgot it all"

"Birds!!"

"guiguhuh"

"crabrave"

"She sounds like someone I would end up stealing her personality"

"yess name collector gang"

"alias glass aiden haven absinthe fish brick rice"

"But I have Cypress, Remure, Genesis, Lemres, and Comet"

"And she's named after a mars candy bar bc alien"

"Hey, if plato went by plato, you can be king thief"

"im not dissing my gramma like that shfojd"

"My dad has seven legal names" "bitches be like *looks at fictional character* *steals their name* it's us we're bithces"

"coraline lowkey traumatized me but i adore it regardless"

"mmmmmm magic man :]"

"°0° green man"

"criminal (affectionate)"

"he would shoplift a candy bar from walmart and then brag to all of his friends about the sick stealing he did"

"despite the fact he's canonically been capable of overpowering a minor deity"

"i would commit so many crimes for him"

"Very babey"

"Yes please tell green man he is very pog"

"he also keeps a lot of dumb secrets"

"but I will sorely miss the chaos and energy of this here chat until I wake again" (by request XD)

"i just say words and if they're funny then they're funny"

"* or extremly chaotic either works"

"at this point we are just taking turns rambling"

"oH--"

"bc my brain has a schedule"

"Hopefully they have gyoza there or I will lose my mind"

"hehe yes spooky man"

"my ghost glucose guardian"

"the head of the undead group that lives there, and we end up dating. (yes I date a ghost, no I will not be taking constructive criticism /lh)"

"ghosts r just inherently sexy"

"i mean im becoming a squid thing so"

"Raven quirk raven quirk!!"

"ł â m p"

"łæmp"

"mothman: ooh lamp you look very nice today! do you come here often? mothman: wait shit no"

"I'd date a ghost"

"mine is still accurate, i am still sobbing (/j)"

"p e e p e e"

""@nick wilde is a tumblr sexyman" is the best thing i have ever seen"

"im sorry im cackling like a dying hyena"

"you're all 12 year olds"

"PEENIE"

"He once caused global warming on accident so he could get a tan"

"god, what a himbo. i love him"

"that reminds me of my friends kin assigned me jesus"

"Man outside of battle be like: princely crying but then in battle hes like: "CATACLYSM! DISASTER! DEVASTATION!" Chill out man"

"Every time I talk about satan it never fails to shock people it's my favorite thing to do"

"im kin assigning him roman sanders" ""Oh yeah he caused global warming because he wanted to get girls" "he what""

"oh damn i forgot satan was straight"

"twink appreciation club"

"give us the twinks"

"my first thought was bottom-"

"so many people to try and get his dad to love him"

"daddy issued"

"OH MY GOD ITS WILBUR"

"Big boy but"

"anyways janus is swagggg"

"........................."

"gib twink"

"give twink then i will share"

"holds him gentle like hamburger"

"This dumb bitch opened a book that said "do not open" and got possessed by a little bastard"

"he is. fragile creachur"

"klug is beauty klug is grace i would let him step on my face"

"If I'm playing swap and I have to hear one more "Pwanet Powew" Im gonna lose it"

"Who is to blame? Pandora or the box?"

"Bakugo isnt my type but I respect the drip"

"i say like my type isnt long-haired pretty boys and girls that look so gnc that people have a history of confusing them for men"

"hes a gremlin and i can appreciate a pretty gremlin"

"that is to say i am attracted to VFlower vocaloid. This is a confession."

"note i am a lesbian"

"You may like Schezo wegey"

"why does he have one single expression"

"soul soul eater passes the vibe check"

"magic wand"

"I Want To Hold His Hand"

"i would commit a war crime for him any war crime idc which one"

"my favorite one is when he sounded rlly gay because he said "Muscular bodies keep me satisfied""

"p e a n u t"

"Klug is a homophobic homosexual its just facts"

"grug from the croods is peak male performance"

"jaw drops to floor, eyes pop out of sockets accompanied by trumpets, heart beats out of chest, awooga awooga sound effect, pulls chain on train whistle that has appeared next to head as steam blows out, slams fists on table, rattling any plates, bowls or silverware, whistles loudly, fireworks shoot from top of head, pants loudly as tongue hangs out of mouth, wipes comically large bead of sweat from forehead, clears throat, straightens tie, combs hair Ahem, you look very lovely."

"tag yourself im the fireworks shooting from the top of the head"

"i like essays"

"central time gang"

"11:11 pog-" (wait... is that a suprise angel number?? yes it is lovelies just for you <3)

"Then again im also a dumbass bitch who wonders what the souls in soul eater taste like. SERIOUSLY THOUGH. THEY LOOK TASTY AS HELL!!!! LIKE GODDAMN BRO YOU'RE MAKING ME FUCKING HUNGRY. Like. that shit- it's Bone Apple motherfucking Teeth. hell yea my guy. Im hongy now.... shlorp I'm seriously considering this. Like. They seem kinda like a liquid? But a solid? Are they like jello? The fuck they taste like my guy???? I keep imagining they're like sour, like sour candy maybe? Or do they taste salty? Sweet? Maybe some combo of two? Do they even have a taste or is it about the texture? The sensation? God my mouth is watering what the hell. I am starving. I think I need to go get a cookie. I'm gonna go get a cookie. Brb. I'm better. I'm still craving souls though. Which is a weird-ass cringey thing to say but I'm being dead-ass rn. They just.... look tasty???? And I wanna eat one. Thus. I am shifting to Soul Eater for the express purpose of satisfying my fucking cravings. enjoy"

"points were made"

"jello? more like helloooo schloooAHFJDSDAIDWNALDHSJKDAIDANDM"

"WAIT I THINK I HAVE AN ANIME GIRL BITING VIDEO TOO"

"anime girl voice: mmm! mm... ahhhhmp!! mmm, mmm... aaahmp!"

"i think it sounds great i'm going to start eating like that"

"several people are typing"

"do these look edible to you"

"forbidden gummies"

"when I was on lsd I couldn't eat my fruit gummies because I thought they were alive because they had little faces on them"

"oh shit yeah don't do drugs"

"anyways general consensus is puyos are edible, ty for your input everyone"

"everypony is a word so powerful it can bring nations to its knees"

"pls the self control it's taking me not to say "hewwo everypony" in gen chat when someone new joins-"

"hewwo evewrypony uwu deaw cewestia i hopwe it doewsnt wain owo"

"ive cooked up a sowution wiwth the knowwege ive acwued. they say a kitcwen time saves niwne, but im just savwing two. Ive gathewwed the inwedients to make a time sowbet. Thewe's hawdly woom fow seconds when the seconds mewt away."

"I had a ten year old sister... you know what happened to her??? very sad, very tragic... she turned eleven....."

"NIIICE"

"Guts dont say the secks word :( /j"

"watch your fucking language in front of the president"

"im so sorry lumi"

"i think you're like ehhhh 8/10 funny"

"now me???? 10/10. Hilarious"

"sometimes i have to take a step back and remember that this is the same guts i follow on tumblr /lh"

""ok every here's some good shifting advice!!! uwu have a good day" "yeah i did lsd and ate fruit gummies""

"i have one setting and it's whatever this is"

"my bitch ass cat just pushed the door open with his fuzzy face and now my sleeping dad is being lulled into dreams by Cosmo Sheldrake's 'Pliocine'."

"me on discord: nick wilde"

"me on tumblr: shifting water! haha funne! me on here: my hermit crabs are cannibals also i want to eat souls."

"im sorry yOUR VIBESA RE JUST SO DIFFERNT"

"u give off older cousin ive never spoken to but always admire at the family gatherings vibes"

"what the fuck"

"BC I HAVE LIBERTU"

"If you adopt me then yes"

"am I qualified for dad jokes???"

"we're all a lot smarter on tumblr"

"I'm like "awww... sweet... sweet little shiftlings... posting such sweet shiftling content... so pure, so wholesome... does not even know abcs....""

"can't think before you speak if you never think B)"

"I'm not responsible enough to be a mom"

"cat pet"

"show us pictures of the cat or i will do Crime"

"maybe thats me being a coward tho"

"MOTH!!!! MOTH MY BELOVED"

if y'all want I can make this a series bc shiftblr keeps giving me more content

#tw drugs #tw swearing #tw cannibalism #tw crime #tw food #tw homophobia #shitpost #out of context #out of context quotes #lumi's quotes

[queerpyracy]

I hope it's ok to ask your farmer expertise for writing purposes? if a farm was abandoned for c. 2 weeks, with no one to care for the animals, how would the ones you are familiar / have experience with fare -- starve, break out of barns/enclosures, etc? I'll drop dollar in your ko-fi if u answer thx

i'm gonna put this under a cut both bc it's long and bc some of the content might be upsetting, general content warning for animal death and injury

so, what kind of farm infrastructure you have/how it was left is going to matter here

animals with outdoor access are going to have a much easier time getting out than those closed up in a barn, though if they are closed up they'll push on anything they can get to move and doors can come off tracks/hinges, a big enough and desperate enough animal will break a chain on a gate or break a latch on a door. (bulls, especially, are great for fucking up gates for less desperate reasons than thirst. we had a mature bull jump over a gate for horny reasons, and there is now a permanent bend in the top bar.) sometimes they even lift gates off their hinges, which isn’t a perfect way to get out bc cows don’t like walking over that kind of stuff but they will if they have to.

chickens aren't great fliers but they can get over fences pretty easy if there's not a roof in the way, so if they're penned but not in a coop, they'll get out to look for food and water. they'll have the easiest time food-wise (unless it's winter) but will also be the easiest for smaller predators (hawks, raccoons, foxes, skunks, coyotes, etc) to pick off. this'll depend on whether or not your hypothetical farm was abandoned during the day with chickens outside or at night when they were shut up in the coop for protection, in which case, unless your birds have access to two weeks worth of water, they're fucked. mine made it about 8 days on the water provided them when we had to evacuate because of wildfires, but they were topped off knowing we might not be able to get back to them and given extra water because of it. we're talking a 2 gallon covered water can + a coffee can for seven hens, it wasn't too hot, and they were almost dry when i was able to come home.

chickens might be able to make it without food for two weeks, but they might also start cannibalizing each other. this would probably start with a bird at the bottom of the pecking order getting injured and then the situation escalating from there. (this, by the way, doesn't happen unless chickens are under a lot of stress. like chickens are fucked up but i feel the need to be clear that this is not Normal chicken behavior. they will give each other minor injuries but cannibalism happens bc of extreme stress.) chickens will also kill small snakes and rodents.

chickens that are outside without being able to get back in their coop will find a tree or other elevated place to roost at night. chickens that are outside with access to their coop might choose to roost in their coop or outside. laying birds will also start to pick fun new secret places to lay their eggs, under bushes and such. even fed chickens will sometimes eat their own eggs, hungry chickens are absolutely likely to become routine egg eaters. extremely hungry chickens will stop laying.

roosters might be able to fend off skunks and raccoons, but hawks drop out of the sky* and anything much larger than a raccoon is going to devestate an unprotected flock. chickens that are outside in winter and can't get out of the cold are going to be vulnerable to frostbite, particularly their toes and combs. also: if a chicken gets wet down to its skin there is a very high likelihood it will get sick and die.

*hawks will kill a chicken but chickens are also generally too large for them to carry off, so they’ll leave most of the chicken where they found it.

a note on predators in general: you'll have to decide how aggressive they were before the humans were no longer around. where i am, the coyotes are pretty good about keeping their distance, but that's not true of every place, and if they were already a problem, they'll definitely increase their hunting in the absence of humans to keep them at bay. larger animals like cows and horses might be able to drive off or kill a coyote/dog or a small bear, but if they're contending with mountain lions that'll be more of a problem for them. not impossible to drive off/kill, but much more likely to successfully kill livestock.

i don't have much experience with sheep but a problematic dog can kill tons of them in a relatively short time so you can extrapolate from there. i can't think of anyway people tend to keep rabbits that wouldn't leave them dying of dehydration after a few days, unless they manage to pop a latch on their cage/hutch, but they too are going to be extremely vulnerable to predation, being small, unaccustomed to wild conditions, and possibly a highly visible color. domestic rabbits also can die of fright very easily. (my sister's rabbit, who survived a cow sitting on her cage and lived many years after, is an outlier and should not be counted.)

what kind of fencing you have is going to matter: cows don't give much of a shit about barbed wire fences even when they aren't thirsty and hungry, so that won't be much of a problem for them either. if the fence is old, they might push over a rotting post and get out that way. downed wires (barbed or otherwise) might result in an animal getting tangled up--they might be stuck or they might have a horrible ankle bracelet which will cut into them and get infected. they might break the wire from the fence, have a horrible ankle bracelet, and get stuck/tie up their back legs somewhere else.

electric fences are going to be a bit more problematic unless the power is down. cows (and i assume most other livestock) will go through an electric fence if the voltage is compromised in some way, which can happen just from having tall grass/weeds that get wet and short out the fence. if an animal gets tangled up in a hot electric fence and there's no one there to free it, then it's fucked. an electric fence isn't going to be hot enough to kill it fast, is the problem, just enough to make it harder to escape. (i had a rather frightening experience this last summer with a heifer getting her back legs tangled in a temporary wire. she's fine but she wouldn't have gotten out without my help and her legs didn't work for a couple of minutes, and she seemed kind of Off for weeks after that. you wouldn't know anything had happened to her, now.)

wire mesh fences are going to be the hardest to get out of. cow/hog panel fences can be busted where they're tied together/stapled to a post (especially, again, if the fence is old and the posts are decaying.) wooden fences they will just knock over or break through. hedges will be eaten and used for shelter. if for some reason this farm has stone walls that could be a problem for everything except maybe goats and chickens.

goats are escape artists anyway, as long as their horns to get stuck in anything/their feet don't get tangled up, they'll be out and roaming. they are smaller and thus more vulnerable to predators than larger livestock.

access to water is going to be the primary motivator in the short term and the thing that will kill shut-in animals the fastest, as for whether or not anything that manages to get outside will starve in two weeks time, that's going to depend on the season and place. the middle of winter in a place with snow and ice is going to be very hard, obviously, but if we're anywhere between spring and autumn and there is food to be had somewhere, then hungry animals will try to get to it. if they can't get out of fences, hunger might drive them to eat toxic plants they ordinarily avoid. how deadly that is to them depends on how toxic it is, how much is available for them to eat, and how big the animal is. a large cow can probably survive a few stems of tansy ragwort but not a field. (sheep, weirdly enough, can apparently eat young tansy ragwort plants without issue? again, not much experience with sheep but this fact has haunted me since i read it. tansy ragwort causes liver damage in almost everything but sheep, which die at the drop of a hat, Fine, I Guess.)

they'll also start chewing on things that aren't toxic but they might avoid for other reasons, like risking scratching up their nose by eating blackberry leaves, or lower branches of conifer trees. any branches of deciduous trees they can reach, if in leaf, will be one of the first things they go after. if they're regularly pastured under these trees, they'll already have pruned up the bottom branches to however high the tallest animal can reach. if it's autumn or after and there are apples or other fruit on the ground they'll absolutely clean those up, no matter how old--tho after two weeks anyone who finds the place will probably have missed the period of time in which there were drunk livestock. goats will also strip bark off trees, girdling and ultimately killing the tree.

if they can get out of fences they'll wander however far they need to go to find more food. how lucky they are again depends on the season and location. steep hills will provide more danger, especially if it's wet and slick. how regularly they return to the farm itself probably depends on where the water is and if there's better shelter there than anywhere else. (depending on how isolated your hypothetical farm is, wandering livestock might be the indicator that something is Wrong.)

if there are stores of grain laying around that ruminant livestock get into and gorge themselves on, they could get bloat and die that way. they'll also eat bedding straw if hungry, which isn't really nutritious, as long as it isn't covered in urine or feces. in a mixed species group of animals they're more likely to graze closer to/around the feces of other species than in their own. don't ask me why this is just something i've observed.

under severe stress like dehydration or hunger a lactating animal will dry up, which could have consequences for their offspring. if they're old enough to eat solid foods this isn't necessarily lethal, but could stunt their growth in the long term, or leave them more vulnerable to hypothermia bc of the decrease in calories.

some bullet points bc this is A Lot:

animals that are closed up in a barn/coop/etc are at a much higher risk of dying in under a two week time span than animals that aren't

thirst and lack of shelter will kill them faster than hunger

winter is going to in general be the most dangerous season for them to go two weeks without care

most livestock find ways to escape their holdings even when they aren't desperate

small and very young animals are going to in general be more vulnerable to weather and predation

that's about all i can think of off the top of my head, if you have any more questions i'm happy to help.

#farm tag #Anonymous

[purplesurveys]

1183

survey by xflirtykaosx

Alphabetti Spaghetti (1/3)

And we will fall in love with shooting stars. - A

Have you ever seen an Aardvark? I don’t think so.

Were you ever abandoned in a public place as a child? Where? Abandoned is a pretty harsh word lol. My parents did like playing pranks on me and hide whenever I’d get distracted at the grocery or department store. They’d let me get nervous or even tear up for a bit until showing up again.

What accent do you have? I guess just your standard Filipino English accent that’s common among people who were able to take up English studies. I don’t really know how to describe it.

Is there someone in your family addicted to something? What is it? I don’t think so.

Have you ever been under general anaesthetic? What were you having done? I think so? When I had a tooth extraction done on me two years ago I was told I was going to be injected with anaesthesia, but I didn’t feel as if anything changed throughout the procedure. Either my dentist told me fake news lol or he’s just really good at his job for me to not notice anything.

How do you show the ones you love affection? It depends on the person. Around my friends, I know I’ve had taken a liking to them once I start getting especially talkative with them. For people I have even deeper relationships with, I like...buying them gifts, I guess. Getting them things that remind me of them. I would also bend over backwards to do nice deeds for them, like driving them to their destination even if I find it far.

Are you more passive or aggressive? I tend to be very passive aggressive in the way I deal with things.

Do you like the band Aha!? Not in particular.

Do you know anyone called Aidan? What are they like? Nope.

Ever heard of the band Ajax? No but I know that’s a brand of like cleaner or something. That’s close enough to ‘band’ haha.

Do you know anyone called Akash? I don’t either.

Do the sound of fire alarms scare you? They would obviously be scary if it rang for a real reason. Who wouldn’t freak out over a fire?

Do you live in America? If so, which state? If visited, where'd you go? No, and I’ve never visited either. I’d love to take a trip to cities like New York, New Orleans, Portland, and Chicago one of these days.

Have you ever had an ant infestation in your house? Only when there’s food left out accidentally.

Aora - did I spell that correctly? I don’t even know what you’re referring to, so I can’t tell you if you’ve spelled whatever it is right.

Do you have a preference in Apple? What type do you prefer? I don’t quite get this question - like a preference within Apple products? I mean, a phone and a laptop are essentials for me, and generally I do prefer having an iPhone and Macbook over other brands; but I can live without an iPad, an Apple Watch, iMac, Apple Pen, etc...if this is what you mean.

Are you an Aquarian? Is anyone in your family/your partner/best friend? ...You mean Aquarius? No. I don’t believe in astrology nor pay attention to zodiac signs either, so I wouldn’t be able to name Aquariuses that I know right off the bat.

Have you ever worn any type of armor? Which type? I don’t think I’ve ever had to, no.

Do you use the word ass a lot? Kinda, but it’s usually part of a longer word, i.e. asshole, asshat, deadass, etc.

Have you or your family had an attorney? What for? Not to my knowledge.

Is your car/family’s car an automatic gear or manual? Automatic.

Are you interested in aviation, piloting and aircrafts? Just the slightest bit. I would love to learn how to fly a plane, and I would be willing to pay for lessons. It’s just the type of activity that’s super hard to squeeze into an already-hectic schedule of mine.

What was the last award you recieved for? A academic distinction in college.

Axl Rose - like or dislike? Like, but I’m nowhere near a passionate fan. I just don’t have any reasons to actively dislike him.

Do you like air being spelt ayre or ayer in rap or hiphop or is it nasty? I don’t care.

Is the sky outside Azure? If not, what shade is it? No, it’s pitch black.

Belle amour (we've been here before). - B

Do you call anyone baby? Is it sweet or an overrated name for affection? Just my dogs. I find it sweet; it’s my preferred term of endearment if in a relationship.

Bby - does this shortened version bug you? No; my friends and I use this with each other.

Do you know what BC in terms of time stands for? Before Christ, but I prefer using BCE.

BDf - For or against? I don’t know what this is referring to.

Do you prefer beach breaks, city breaks or winter breaks? Why? Beach breaks. Winter break is an immediate cross-out since we don’t even have winter; and I already live and work in an urban area as it is. Beaches are my way to go if I want to escape life for a bit and completely unwind.

Do you spell out boyfriend properly or put bf in texts/online? I can use either depending on what I feel like typing out. It’s not that serious haha.

Do you know what bg is short for? Upon reading this question I immediately thought ‘background,’ but if this question had another meaning in mind I wouldn’t be aware of it.

Do you know anyone with the last name Bhays? No.

Have you ever been bird watching? What did you see? No, doesn’t sound like my kind of hobby.

Do you like Bjork? Not in particular, but just like the Axl Rose question I don’t have anything against her either.

What does this read: bk 2moz miss u lyk fk. Doesn't this text speak annoy? No one types like this anymore at least among people I know, but I imagine it would lowkey bother me a bit.

Do you like BMWs? They’re whatever. I don’t pay attention to cars much.

What is the nearest book to you called? How many times have you read it? There aren’t any books here up on the rooftop.

BnQ - gone there? What did you buy? Idk what that is.

Are you more brainy or brave? I wanna say brainy, if anything? I’m pretty jumpy lol.

Did you like the BSBs (Backstreet Boys) as a kid? How about now? No, I’m a little too young for that generation of artists and groups.

Burgers, Hot Dogs or Salads at a Barbecue? We don’t really practice ~barbecues~ here. But at Filipino parties I would usually flock to lumpia and fried chicken, hehe.

Do you have a Byro? No, because I also don’t know what that is.

Cold eyes and filthy lies all leave me petrified. - C

Do you have a Cactus (Cacti)? No, I don’t like plans.

Do you know what a CCTV is? Yes...?

How many CDs are in the room you are currently in? None where I am right now but I have all of Beyoncé’s albums save for Lemonade in my bedroom. I also have Paramore’s self-titled album and Hayley Williams’ Petals For Armor. My CD collection is about to experience a revival because of BTS, though. My plan to get all versions of all their albums is rock solid, lmao.

What's your favourite cereal brand? Cookie Crisps.

Do you like children's TV shows still? Which one(s)? I’ll revisit an episode or two of shows I watched as a kid at a given time for old times’ sake, but I don’t regularly watch children’s TV shows anymore. I haven’t for a very long time.

Cinnamon - Yum or Yuck? I’m actually kind of in the middle about it. I feel like too many desserts have been banking on cinnamon, so the taste of it can be a little tiring. It’s delicious if I haven’t had it for a while, though.

Do you know anyone with the initials and or name CJ? Quite the opposite; I know PLENTY of JCs, even my sister is one. I know one or two CJs but that’s it.

Have you ever met a self professed clairvoyant? What did they do/say? No.

Do you watch CNN News? What's your prefered news channel/show? I don’t tune into the channel but every once in a while I will encounter a CNN link on social media that I’d actually click on and read through. As for preferred news sources, I don’t have one as there are matters to criticize about 99% of them lol; but I am most likely to trust articles I from AP or Reuters. Just things you pick up as a journalism student. 

How many cousins do you have? I have 9 first cousins. I lose count by the time I try to go beyond that since I don’t even know all of my dad’s cousins, which makes it hard to track who my second cousins are.

Do you still draw with crayons? When was the last time you did? Drew what? I don’t remember anymore.

Do you know what a CSS feed is? What is it? I’m familiar with the term but never bothered to learn about what it is.

Do you like cycling/biking? What type of bike do you have? ...I don’t even know how to ride a bike.

Do you really like it, is it is it wicked. - D

What is the most dangerous animal you've petted/held? I can’t decide between snake or crocodile.

Do you like Death Metal? If so, which band(s)? I wouldn’t say I do.

Did you ever keep a diary/journal? I did a million attempts to keep a diary when I was younger, but I was never able to keep up with any of them and I ended up having 4598358395 notebooks with one or two entries each at most. Having a Tumblr page for surveys has so far been my most successful streak at keeping some type of journal.

Do you prefer small, medium, large or no dogs? I prefer all dogs.

Do you know what DP stands for in porn? Yes.

Have you ever dressed up as a celebrity for a party/Halloween? I went as my favorite female wrestler once. I wouldn’t strictly call her a celebrity, but she’s a very well-known personality in the wrestling industry so she’s popular in that right.

DS or Wii? Why? Wii. I was able to make more memories with it.

Does dust make you sneeze or cough? Sneeze, usually.

How many DVDs do you have all together? Idk, I don’t buy DVDs anymore.

Do you dye your hair regularly, sometimes or never? I’ve never done it.

Every love lies sometimes . . . - E

What's something you refuse to eat? Most fruits.

Don't you think the word ebb is so pretty? I’m neutral about it. I don’t use it a lot.

Do you like Chocolate Eclairs? I love eclairs in general haha. Chocolate eclairs in particular sound delicious.

Ever tried edible paper? Yeah, with the White Rabbit candy.

Eevee - pretty name or too Pokemon-y? Definitely very Pokemon-y. 

Do you sometimes mix up the spellings/meanings of affection and defection? Erm, no? They have completely different spellings and meanings, so I personally have never switched them up.

Do you have a big ego, low self esteem or somewhere in between? I think I’m somewhere in between. I’m insecure about some things about myself, but I don’t really put myself down 24/7. I feel like that would put such a strain on my mental health, which I certainly would never need.

What Element does your starsign fall under? I think earth? My co-workers were just discussing this last Friday, but I couldn’t really butt in since I can’t bring myself to care about astrology. I know they mentioned Taurus being an earth sign though.

Do you show your emotions easily and freely or hide them? Depends...I can do either depending on the situation.

What is your favourite form of entertainment? Korean reality shows are quickly becoming a favorite of mine at the moment. I also like compilation videos on YouTube.

What will they write on your epitaph? I’ve honestly hadn’t put much thought into this yet, and I don’t plan to anytime soon. It just seems like a super grave thing to think about lol.

Estimate/guess what number we are on now? Maybe 60s or 70s?

Do you know basic social etiquette? I mean etiquette will always differ per country or culture, so what is basic in other countries might not be here, and vice versa. I think it’s hard to measure.

Does your country use the Euro, Great British Pound, Dollar or other? Other.

Do you still get excited on Christmas Eve? Yes. Mostly for the free food and the opportunity to see relatives I really only ever see every December 24.

What animal/creature that is extinct do you wish wasn't? Those that went extinct from human activity.

What colour eyes do your parents have? Black/dark brown.

#survey #surveys

[helahades]

Spilled Love Waxings - I

(get to know me, if you want)

A/N: listen so...

recently i realized that for years now i have finally been happy being single! yearning for a relationship has just... gone away. (this is very healthy for me and im not ready to get into my emotionally scarring backstory just yet)

however, i do be writing fanfic and 😳😳😳love do be looking cute. so imma just throw out some love + intimacy concepts

{x} = something that is actually regular and healthy that speaks to me because—bleep

—

so i struggle with writing intimacy in a way that shows how it actually feels

i feel like when you write in a space like this for a while there are certain words and phrases that we just commonly use that don’t get at the exact feelings of things

really like, sometimes writing in such a big community diminishes creativity and there are so many things I can’t explain now

anyway this post doesn’t make much sense it’s just me talking about love and telling all my secrets

🐻 (bear emoji) with me bc this is like a diary entry and i really exposed myself with this. I can’t even explain it idk

love things i love:

the heat of skin? it can feel just under the way the sun feels when it’s lighting up your skin and it’s so hot but you just can’t move because you’re so content. because maybe the sun is burning. but the wind is also blowing, and the birds are also singing.

when you’re cuddling with someone who normally shaves, but it’s a soft day and you’re just in big clothes and maybe sweatpants or shorts and you’re on a cloudy place like a couch and your skin is on theirs and you can feel the gentle stubble of their skin because they haven’t shaved in a bit

^^^just similarly to that i like moments that are unguarded. moments that you wouldn’t get with someone if they didn’t trust you so much. someone trusting you with seeing maybe scars on them or with their hair not done

i like to lay on people and also to have people lay on me

wearing the clothes of someone you love...having sheets or clothes or post shower bathrooms smell sweeter with the scent with them after they’ve been there a while

especially w women i love how some things are just so connected and unspoken. even the gentlest man may not understand something after years of explanation that a woman can understand from a woman with a few vague words.

{pain is not fun but when someone understands it? having a lover who will not hold your pain against you in small ways, but someone who will even let you have your bad days but be there with you through them}

i remember the first person i thought I loved was so bad to me but I didn’t know any other way, so the second person I thought i loved was so good to me, but it was only the bare minimum of healthy and respectful

{^^so what i want is to receive and also mainly to give love that is healthy and sweet without asking and that never needs a moment for you to pause and think that it’s so good, because there isn’t anything extraordinary about it. it is just what it should be because we always love and mind each other’s feelings and sensitivities}

when you reach out for someone and they know what youre asking for when you do. i use the word “knowingly” but it isn’t consciously. they react with their body first maybe even with their soul.

do you ever adjust your hand in someone’s hand and they pull away completely because they think that’s what you’re doing? i want a lover someday who knows when I’m only shifting closer

{I want to be the kind of lover that knows what tears are for talking about and what ones mean you need to be held and which ones mean you need to be alone and I want to be healthy enough to be able to leave you alone even if I care very much and want to help}

I really love when you shift together when cuddling with someone and it’s just right and that’s the comfortable spot

or when you wake up and you’re skin to skin and that spot is so hot you’re nearly sweating together but it’s just so warm and sweet and they’re still asleep so you can’t bear to move

so anyway fruits are very romantic of course so here are some lover fruits for no reason: peaches, nectarines, strawberries + apples only when sliced right then and there at a picnic

someone getting something for you that is only two steps away but you’re just soooo comfy and they just do it because they are sweet

someone staying up until you get home

{someone loving you for you and not making an idea out of you. someone loving something because you love it and they love you}

someone purposely learning more about something you’re passionate about or letting you go on and on and listening intently

there’s finishing sentences, but that isn’t always nice. sometimes when you can’t find the words, the most meaningful thing someone can do is patiently wait for you to find them.

I love when you’re eating a shared meal and someone notices you looking at what they’re serving themselves and they just wordlessly hand it to you

from a good post: “If one of us loses our cool will the other deescalate the issue or make it worse? Can we both lose our cool without blaming eachother for every little thing? How long does it take us to makeup and apologize for our hangry exchange of words? After an apology do we both feel understood, cherished and connected?”

open communication is so beautiful

{there’s something so raw about feeling weird in a moment and being able to say it. when energy is weird and you can just say hm I don’t like how this feels and your lover can agree or even ask you why.}

how i show love:

my love languages I think have changed over the years I really love to do acts of service (and y’all probably gathered that touch is big for me)

I love to cook people breakfast

I love to shop at the store for the ingredients of a meal someone mentions missing

I like to wash fruit before it gets put where it goes because then the people I love who grab it straight from the bowl are already taken care of

I like making cards for special occasions like birthdays

I love hugs where you keep squeezing because you’re not ready for it to end

thinking also about people I’ve loved who aren’t comfortable with too much physical affection or any at all. of course you give people their space and you love them differently. sometimes they open up to you when they realize you respect their boundaries

It shouldn’t be that way because everyone should do that for everyone. but it is nice to be a safe space while we live in a world that is sometimes not nice. it’s nice to make people feel safe

the other day my friend who hated hugs and affection in middle school told me she loved me at the end of our phone call and I cried

on tumblr, there are certain acts. you can tell your friends when you love their art, you can reblog it. you can share things that remind you of them.

mostly it’s words

feeling sappy but I want to say that I was in a sad slump and it’s all of you that make me so happy. and i love you

—

i don’t know what this is or if i will do it again sometimes i just get in my moods

just want to tag some people that have been on my mind + interacted positively with me + i hope they’re doing well: @xbuchananbarnes @invisibleanonymousmonsters @tropicalcap @storibambino @thorsthot @venusbarnes @sapphirescrolls @punani @avintagekiss24 @saintsebastian-stan @mariahthelioness29 @threeminutesoflife @spacelabrathor @mamipeachy

#love tag #spilling thoughts #dream tag #is it hot in here or is it my stability fantasy again #hh info #is she drunk. is she high. or does she just love her friends.

[all-you-need-is-paul-mccartney]

Across The Universe (Paul McCartney x Female!Reader)

A/N: Yeah, I’m totally about to drop this, and a new chapter for TCND today. I don’t know how many of y’all like the Beatles, but I wrote this, and wanna see if anyone will really want another part.

OKAY SO I’m gonna say right now that I do not own, or are affiliated with the Beatles in any way (RIP), and this story is based off of/ heavily inspired by the 2007 movie Across The Universe, but the main characters, Jude and Lucy, are represented as Paul and the Reader. All of the characters mentioned, or are in this chapter (Other than Vick) are either real people, or characters from the movie. 

Although all of the descriptive writing is mine, the concept was taken from the movie. A lot of the writing here has been altered from the movie to better fit the characters and situations they are in. I’ve added/ changed parts that weren’t in the movie in the first place, and I left a little out, again, for the purpose of the plot to kinda make more sense. This fic will be more focused on the relationship developing between the two love interests than in the movie, so lots of iconic scenes from the movie (Such as Prudence’s first scene, Jojo’s introduction to New York, etc) won’t be included in the fic, though those characters will make appearances at some point.

I will make up for the lack of content there with more scenes of Paul and the Reader interacting/ in situations that didn’t happen in the movie.

I advise you watch Across The Universe, or have already watched it before you read to prevent spoilers, bc there will probably be a lot of those. (Watching it when high makes it even better tbh, there’s some trippy stuff in that)

A L S O , In this AU, the Beatles do not exist, although it is set in the 60′s!! Paul is legit just a 23 year old guy who wants to see the world.

Summary: Paul decides to head to the United States; You say good bye to your boyfriend before he leaves for Vietnam.

WARNINGS: Swearing, mentions of War, Mike McCartney calling Paul out on some bs, probably a couple of grammar errors bc it’s like... 5:30 AM where I am, and I haven’t slept yet :)

This little fic will be rated T. just because of the swearing

Prom went just as you'd expected it to: You had a nice meal, and did some wonderful dancing with your boyfriend. Despite the blisters on your feet from your shoes, you disregarded them as a temporary memory of one of the last times you'd see Daniel before he took off for the war.

When he got the letter in the mail, he opened it in your presence. Up until the day he died, he felt guilty for making you one of the first to know of his draft.

He cried in your arms for a long while, and you put all your strength into holding your tears back to bring him comfort in such a difficult time.

America had only just entered the Vietnam War, and it didn't seem real to any of you until the day Daniel got that fucking letter.

After talking it over with him, Daniel proposed that the both of you should just enjoy the remaining time you had before he'd have to leave.

And that's what put you here, in the passenger seat of Daniel's car, his mouth leeched onto your neck as his fingers tangled themselves in your hair.

"My mum and dad are home," you explained gently; solemnly. Daniel pulled away from your neck, instead moving to rest his lips on your forehead. "Of course."

He pulled away completely then, stepping out of the car and moving to the other side to hold your door open for you.

You stepped out, and Daniel interlaced his fingers with yours as you both walked up the drive to your house. The both of you listened to the clicks of Daniel's shoes on the pavement-- you were barefoot, your heels hanging from your fingers.

When he'd brought you up the porch, you turned to lean against one of the house's banisters. Daniel saw the look on your face, the one that just screamed 'please don't leave.'

"I'll be home soon," he said confidently, reaching out to squeeze one of your hands. "They give you a furlough after boot camp."

"And after that?" You never got a verbal response. Daniel just wrapped his arms around you tightly. You squeezed your eyes shut, and hugged him back with all the strength you had.

_____________________________

And at this time, across the Pond in Liverpool, England, Paul McCartney was walking home his girlfriend Molly, who he'd been out at a bar with all night, drinking and dancing to the live bands said bar had to offer that evening (and morning).

"Who'll take me out next week? You'll be halfway around the world." She threw a glance over her shoulder, and all Paul could do was offer her a cheeky smile.

"Well it better not be Phil Scully."

Honestly, Paul knew he deserved the shove Molly gave him not moments later, but he just threw his arms around her with a laugh as they turned down her street.

Paul tried to slip into his back door as quietly as he could, being sure to force a fake cough so he could discreetly lock the door.

He was finally safe. He took the time to puff out the air he'd been holding in his lungs, and he rested his forehead against the door.

"... Finally back, I see?"

Paul cringed.

Fuck.

"Yeah... sorry, Dad."

Paul turned around, and sure enough, there his father was: at the table, an empty plate of crumbs sitting in front of him, a cup of tea in his hand, and the Liverpool Echo in the other.

"Your brother just got home, too," Mr. McCartney mumbled as he brought his mug to his lips.

"He was with his girlfriend."

"I was, too," Paul defended as he opened the refrigerator and snagged an apple off one of the shelves before kicking the door shut and leaning against the counter.

Mike, Paul's brother, had just stepped into the kitchen with the same intention as Paul: getting breakfast.

"Mornin!'"

Paul nodded his head to his brother, mouth already full of apple.

"But I know who Mike's girlfriend is, James."

"Ooh," Mike smiled wickedly. He'd come in at just the right time. "Yeah, James, Dad knows who my Bird is."

Paul cringed a little at the name. James. The only people he really allowed to call him James was his parents.

"I just haven't... found the right time to introduce her, 's all," Paul excused after he swallowed. To avoid saying anything else, he went in for another bite of the fruit.

"No, it's because I actually love my girlfriend," Mike chortled as he popped a slice of bread in the toaster by Paul's arm, which just resulted in a playful shove from his older brother.

"I love my girlfriend," He argued back.

"But have you even told her that?"

Paul rubbed the back of his neck. "Well... not exact--"

"Point proven," Mike pointed to his brother, eyeing his father proudly.

"Look, all I'm saying, James, is that clearly, if you're stalling an introduction, you don't plan on keeping her 'round," Mr. McCartney explained.

"Dad, it's... it's complicated." Paul was rubbing the back of his neck again before taking another bite from his apple.

"There's just no point in wasting your time with someone you're just gonna throw away,"

"Whoa whoa whoa," Paul put his hands up at his brother's comment. "Who said anything about throwing anyone away?!"

"Well, you are going to America in a couple of days," Mike pointed out, grinning widely as his toast popped. He moved around the kitchen for a knife and some butter from the table.

"You really gonna stay with her when you're gonna have all those single American girls around to choose from?"

Paul didn't answer. He just shoved the apple into his mouth, rolled his eyes, and moved to the other side of the room, where the staircase leading upstairs was located.

He took a seat on the first two steps as he continued eating away at his breakfast.

"Paul, when I was your age-- maybe even younger than you, I met your mother. I knew she was The One after our first date. I took her home to meet my parents immediately."

Paul waited patiently for his father to get to the point.

"If you're not bringing her 'round, maybe she ain't the right one. Just think about it."

No one really said much else. Mike had started eating his toast, and Mr. McCartney turned his attention back to the paper, so Paul went upstairs.

He shut the door to his room when he arrived, and sighed happily at the sight of his bed. He climbed right on without taking his coat off. He kicked his legs up and stared at the ceiling as he finished off his apple, tossing the core into the waste bin next to him.

He understood where his father was coming from, and maybe he was right. But, Paul wasn't exactly looking for a long-term partner like all his other friends had done after they graduated from school.

Even Mikey had hopped onto that gravy train.

Paul was twenty-three. He still had plenty of time to find a girlfriend and settle down. That's why he decided to take off to The Land Of Opportunity. He wanted to get out and experience what it was like outside his dreary hometown before he devoted the rest of his life to a wife and kids, and living as a boring, stereotypical family until the day he died.

Did he have a Visa to legally work in America?

Fuck no. But it's not like that was gonna stop him from finding some form of income, whether or not it was technically legal.

Paul sat up in his bed, turning to peer into his closet.

He was pulling his suitcases from there moments later, and he unzipped all of them to begin packing. There was nothing he really needed to pack rather than his clothes, cigarettes, passport, a photo of his mother, and a small notebook containing all the phone numbers he'd had to keep over the years.

His cousin's number was the one he was particularly packing the book for. Paul managed to convince him to make room for him at his place he shared with his friends just outside the Princeton University Campus, where he was currently studying.

"You're a lifesaver, Vick" Paul mumbled as he tossed the book into one of the suitcases, and zipping it back up.

_____________________________

"Sometimes I feel like you're not tellin' me everythin'," Molly mumbled as she pulled away from the swelling kiss Paul was trying to leave her before he parted for America.

"I just need a break from here, Molly. I'll be back before you know it," he tried to comfort her with his gentle words, but she just looked upset. 

"N'd a break from me," it sounded more like a statement.

"Don't be ridiculous," he offered a smile, but when she didn't really react to it, Paul slipped his fingers into her hair, and threw it behind her shoulder.

"I'll be missing you by tomorrow,"

"I bet," she mumbled, eyes fixed on a pebble on the sidewalk between her feet.

Paul pinched her chin, and tilted her head so she was looking right at him. He looked more serious now.

"I'll write home everyday."

"You better."

"N'd I'll send all my loving to you."

And that's all it took.

"You bastard," Molly tried concealing her grin, but Paul had her wrapped around his finger, and she gave in to his charm.

And not long after, she was giving into another one of his desperate kisses.

_____________________________

"I promise, every day I'll write, babe. I love you so much," Daniel rushed his words out between quick kisses he left on your lips, his hands squeezing your own tightly. He pulled away soon enough to give you a smile, and then the car he was in started driving away. 

His hands slipped away from yours, and you suddenly felt cold.

You wanted to chase after the car, but your feet stayed glued to the road. Your heart felt strained as you watched the car drive off and around the corner.

Good-bye, Danny.

_____________________________

A/A/N: If you want me to continue on with this, please let me know! I really really like the Beatles, and I wanted to give Paul x Reader a try. As always, likes, replies, and reblogs are always appreciated. And I promise, the next chapter to this will be much, much longer, if y’all want it enough <3

#the beatles #the beatles x reader #john lennon #george harrison #ringo starr #paul mccartney #paul mccartney x reader #macca #across the universe

[aethelflaedladyofmercia]

What Might Have Been - 15

(This one is almost certainly too long for Tumblr, and I highly recommend heading over to AO3 to read it.)

(CW: Brief female-presenting Crowley with she/her pronouns; absolutely heartbreaking ending. This is the story’s midpoint, I figured that was required.)

Here is the fifteenth (and so far longest) chapter for my @goodomenscelebration fic, following the Themes prompts. It tops out over 11,000 words. Please read responsibly.

Through the Years

Eden – 4004 BC

Aziraphale stood on the wall of Eden, watching the Man and Woman walk across the desert. Dark clouds rolled in, carrying something called rain, a storm. He’d worried about it when he’d first heard, but now he had more to worry about.

He’d spotted the lion.

He never should have let them out.

Oh, he’d been ordered to cast the humans out of their Paradise, and to stop them ever returning. Those were the exact words. Take this sword and make sure the humans never even think of coming back.

But perhaps if he’d pleaded, intervened, made their case…

This is for the best. He clutched the flaming sword, the warmth of it taking some of the chill from the rapidly cooling air. It’s for the best.

If he kept repeating it, he would believe it soon.

A noise along the wall pulled him back, a soft sliding that seemed to echo through the air.

He glanced left – just the trees tossing in the wind, as if the storm was taking a deep breath.

And to the right –

The Serpent.

It coiled beside him, just beyond the light of the sword, an enormous black rope, twisted over and across itself, golden eyes staring after the humans as they crossed the desert. The scales of its neck and belly were red as human blood. Its tongue flicked out to taste the air and it reared its head higher than Aziraphale’s.

And it kept rising, body sliding across itself, taking on a form that was more human-shaped. The end result was…nearly correct. Tall, narrow, black flecks of scale here and there. Hair red as blood, in long curling ringlets. Black robes, identical to Aziraphale’s but torn and ragged at the bottom. But the eyes remained unchanged – yellow and angry, squinting in the darkening sunlight, and the wings were black as a sky without stars.

“Well. That was a perfect disaster. I hope your lot is proud of themselves.”

Aziraphale shuffled his feet, fighting the urge to back away. This was his wall, his Eastern Gate. He held the sword before him and tried to look more threatening. “I don’t know what you mean. Nothing that happened here was our doing.”

The demon – obviously a demon, he could see the sigil of the Fallen just above his jaw on the left side of his face – turned to glare at him. “Nothing – so you think that was fair? That it was justified? One piece of fruit and you throw them out to die?”

“They’re not going to die,” Aziraphale said, watching the lion intently. “Not yet. There’s – there’s a Plan, you see.”

“Is there really? Is that great big hungry cat part of it?”

“I don’t…know the details, no one does. It’s ineffable.” The humans hadn’t spotted the lion yet. They were still clutching each other’s hands, scrambling across sand dunes in the growing gloom. “But so long as we trust in the Plan, it will all work out. You’ll see.” When the lion crouched, it seemed to vanish into the sand. “It’s for the best.”

Clutching the hilt of his sword, Aziraphale wondered how fast a lion was. The ones in the Garden simply lounged around, sunning themselves beside lambs. The ones in the world were supposed to be dangerous.

The Woman lost her balance and started sliding down the dune. The Man caught her, pulling her upright. He knelt down to check her for injuries. The lion crouched lower, unmoving.

“In case you’re wondering,” the demon started again, “its not taking a nap. That’s how they hunt.” He leaned a little closer. “It’s not pretty. You probably could have done them a favor and cut them down with the sword yourself.” Firelight glinted off golden eyes. “Be a lot quicker.”

“This is your fault,” Aziraphale snapped.

“My fault? I’m not the one who threw them into the desert for eating a snack!”

“That tree was forbidden! They knew that perfectly well. If you hadn’t told them to try and apple, they wouldn’t be in this mess, would they?”

The demon flared his wings. “Maybe your lot should have thought of that before you stuck a great big forbidden tree in the middle of Paradise! If you didn’t want the humans trying it, all you had to do was put it outside the blessed wall!”

“If they followed the rules that wouldn’t be necessary!” They would learn. Now that they knew the price of disobedience, they would learn.

A crack of thunder overhead. Aziraphale managed not to flinch – he’d read the pamphlets, he knew what it was, but hadn’t expected that sort of volume, the way it echoed across the land.

The demon sidled closer, despite the flames between them, until his black wing almost brushed Aziraphale’s white one. Down below, the humans clung to each other.

“You want to know something?” The demon’s voice was soft now, strangely silken. “I didn’t know anything about the apple when I came up. They just told me to go make trouble. I tried everything. Ripping up flowers, breaking beaver dams. Tried to get the animals to fight each other. Even broke open the wall to let everything escape.”

“I know. I saw your handiwork.” Aziraphale told him coldly. “The only things that left through it were the humans, after I sent them away. Even your actions served the Plan in the end.” He’d need to patch up that hole before the other angels noticed.

The demon made a noise of disgust. “That’s not my point – the point is, nothing I did made any difference.”

“That’s obviously because you aren’t very good at your job. I, on the other hand, was doing flawlessly until you came along.”

“Flawlessly?” The demon spat the word. “You let me right in. Not a very effective Guard if you ask me.”

“Guardian, not Guard,” Aziraphale corrected. “My orders were to…to keep them safe…” The humans had started walking again, right towards the waiting claws of the lion. Aziraphale pressed his left hand to his mouth, waiting.

“And now you’re just going to let this happen? How is that keeping them safe?”

“Orders change,” Aziraphale said around his hand. “Now I’m to – to make sure they don’t return.”

“Well, then.” The demon watched the lion shift, preparing to pounce. “Suppose this will take care of that.”

A bright line of lightning split the sky, and the demon ducked closer, practically under Aziraphale’s wing.

“I beg your pardon!” He stepped back, flipping the wing away, raising the sword to point at the demon’s chest. “What do you think you’re doing?”

The demon’s lips twisted. “Nothing, I suppose. Going back to Hell to report in.” He stepped away, arms wide. “Good luck with the next batch of humans.” A dark light surrounded him as he shifted back to Serpent form. “By the way, I’m probably going to get a commendation for this. Good job corrupting the humans, Crawly. Maybe even a promotion. What’s your side going to give you?”

And then he was gone, slithering over the side of the wall, vanishing into the earth below.

In the distance, the lion leapt, claws extended –

--

Mesopotamia – 3004 BC

A crack of thunder, echoing across the floodplain. A pair of enormous long-legged birds trotted past Crawly, heading for the boat. More animals behind them, horses, mice, rabbits…

The rumors were true, it seemed.

He moved through the crowd, asking questions. Who built this boat? Why here? Why so many animals? He got the name of the ship builders, not much else.

Already the air pressure had changed. Rain was coming, as it never did in this part of the world.

For a thousand years, Crawly had lived among the humans, delighted by their unlikely survival, their clever inventions, their endless, endless ideas. He doubted Heaven was quite so pleased, and it looked like the reckoning had finally arrived.

Up ahead, a pale shape leaned against the fence, watching. An angel, no, the angel, if he wasn’t mistaken. The smug bastard from the wall.

Wasn’t this a day for surprises?

Crawly sauntered up behind him, slipping into a bit of space to the angel’s right. No sword this time, at least. “Well. Fancy seeing you here, angel.”

He immediately stiffened, sliding a little further away along the fence. “Why have you come here, fiend? More mischief?” The angel sniffed. “I’m rather too busy to deal with your nonsense today.”

Crawly rolled his eyes. “Busy standing by and watching, as usual.” The angel’s fists tightened around the fence posts. Must have struck a nerve with that one. “So what’s the story? Word is, God’s angry again. What did the humans do this time? Bake a forbidden pie? Wear the wrong colored robes in a temple?”

“That is highly classified,” the angel said, watching two camels walking past. They seemed particularly unimpressed with the arrangements. “Suffice to say, it’s much worse than a little misunderstanding.”

“Classified. Do the humans even now why they’re being punished?” The angel’s silence was very telling. “Do you?”

“I don’t ask those sorts of questions,” he said, tilting his head back to glare up his nose at Crawly. “But we have made the humans fully aware of what we expect from them. As you know perfectly well, since you’ve been tempting them into all manner of sinful, depraved acts, in every city in the world.”

Crawly narrowed his eyes. “And how am I meant to be doing that? There’s tens of thousands of people in the floodplain alone. Millions around the world. Am I supposed to visit each one every day? Micromanage their lives? That’s your lot’s job, I don’t have time for that sort of one-on-one nonsense.”

“If not you, some other demon.”

“Really not how it works.” But the angel clearly had no interest in listening. He walked away, pushing through the crowd. Crawly would have let him, but the next animals to pass were a pair of lions, trotting along on lead ropes like a couple of well-trained dogs.

Something wasn’t right.

“What’s the punishment this time?” Crawly wove through the crowd, trying to keep up. “Yeah, lots of rain, I can see that. What’s the endgame? Destroy their homes? Their crops?” No response. “Why all the animals on a boat, angel? What are you planning?”

With a sigh, the angel turned back. “We’re…” he glanced at the boat again. “I am authorized to tell you that Heaven has chosen this village as an example. To remind the rest of the humans who keeps them safe.” He rubbed his hands together, probably in anticipation. “Something the others can’t ignore.”

“Something…” it clicked in Crawly’s head. “You’re going to kill them? Drown them all? For what? A few broken rules?”

“More than a few!” He dusted a hand across the fence. “They need to learn to obey. It has all been carefully planned. The site. The number who will die. The chosen survivors – everything has been selected for maximum effect. This…sacrifice is necessary.” He nodded his head. “It’s for the best.”

The sound of laughter, genuinely happy giggles, seeming so out of place in this dismal scene. Crawly looked at a corner of the fence, where three children played a game of chase, weaving around the posts and the legs of the adults. “Angel. Tell me the kids are going on the boat.”

“The loss of innocent lives is an essential part of our message.” Thunder roared overhead. “Once they know we are serious, they’ll fall in line.”

“You can’t believe that.” Crawly grabbed the angel’s shoulders, spinning him around. He needed to understand. “Nothing you do here is going to change anything! These people – those kids – will die for no reason.”

“Unhand me.” The angel grabbed his arm, twisted, and in a flash Crawly was sprawled on the ground, seeing stars flash against the clouds above. “You’ll see. This is for the best.”

He walked away as the first drops of rain began to fall.

--

Golgotha – AD 33

Another desert. Another disaster.

This one only effected a single person, directly at least, but wasn’t that enough?

Aziraphale didn’t want to see anyone harmed. If they just obeyed, no one would need to be harmed.

He needed to find a way to get through to them.

A flash of red, somewhere in the crowd. Aziraphale knew what he would see, even before his eyes turned from the gruesome scene, tracking the dark-gowned figure.

He looked different, but the angry slit-pupil eyes glared across the crowd, same as ever.

What cause did he have to blame Aziraphale? If he had never interfered – if the humans had never left the Garden – no part of this would ever have happened.

Crawly’s eyes met his. The demon shook his head and turned away.

Aziraphale faced again the scene before him, the Cross rising against the darkened sky, the man gasping in pain.

It was for the best. It was for the best.

--

Rome – Eight years later

Crowley stepped into the dark popina,[1] glad for a moment’s relief from the sun. It was still hot inside, the air heavy with the smell of humans pressed close together, but at least it wasn’t so blasted bright.

“What’ll you have?” the bartender glared at him, taking in the unusual gown, the circular brooch, the silver laurel crown in his red hair, the black bits of glass to hide his eyes.

Then she turned back to watch some men playing at dice in the corner, voices rowdy. Crowley wasn’t even close to the strangest thing she’d seen.

“Whatever’s drinkable. Leave the jug.” It would take several amphorae of alcohol to erase the last few days from his mind. And he still hadn’t managed to find a single depravity the Emperor hadn’t already indulged of his own volition, and worse than Crowley could have imagined.

Most days, he liked humans. This was not one of those days.

“Er, pardon me,” came a voice from his left, just as he took his first sip. “It’s…it’s Crawly, isn’t it?”

At the sound of the name, his stomach clenched, already-bitter wine turning sour in his mouth. He swallowed and turned to the angel, brilliant white toga hanging from the golden brooch, who smiled at him insincerely.

“Crowley, actually,” he snapped, returning to his drink.

“Oh! Oh, I’m dreadfully sorry. I’ve been getting it wrong all this time.”

Getting it wrong? He’d never heard the angel say his name, not once. He didn’t even know how he had learned it, but those celestial bastards had their ways. Maybe if Crowley refused to respond, he’d take the hint?

“Oh, you must forgive me, I really meant no offense –”

“Relax,” Crowley grunted, really not able to handle that look of distress, even just out of the corner of his eye. “You didn’t get it wrong, I changed it.”

“Changed it?” The angel slid onto the stool next to him. “You can do that? They just let you?”

“Not much they can do to stop me.” Except refuse to call him by his chosen name, which was what most demons did. But he would wear them down in time.

To his left, the angel was pouring himself a cup of wine from Crowley’s jug. “Oh, no, please. Help yourself.”

“Thank you, that’s very kind.” He took a sip, clearly rolling it around on his tongue, then swallowed with difficulty. “Interesting flavor,” he coughed. “Very, er, robust.”

“It’s cheap.” Hell still had trouble with the concept of money. Some jobs he had more than he could ever use, others he had to make do.

“Well, it certainly is…let’s say, bracing.” The angel tapped his cup, glancing nervously at Crowley. “So…what have you been up to? Still a demon?”

Crowley slammed up cup down. “Still…what sort of question is that?” He jabbed a finger towards the sigil mark on the left side of his face. “Did this vanish when I wasn’t looking? Suddenly develop a holy glow?”

“No, I suppose not.”

“You suppose not?” Crowley hadn’t had a good day and this nasty…prying…cold-hearted angel was exactly what he didn’t need. “So, what, did you think I might have been fired? Not keeping up my quota of souls for the Dark Lords? I mean, Hell doesn’t exactly sack us for that. There is a sack involved,” he conceded, draining his cup and filling it again. “And hammers. Red hot pokers. Really, it’s a great bonding experience for everyone. But then they let you out again and it’s back to work.”

“I…didn’t realize…it was a joke…”

“Oh, a joke. Is Ascending something angels joke about?” The word twisted painfully off his tongue. Demons didn’t talk about it openly, the possibility of returning to Heaven. The longing to feel complete again. What they would give to feel their Grace flow through them just one more time. But there were always whispers, in the darkest corners of Hell.

Crowley didn’t know how he felt about it. And it was too painful to even talk about right now. “How about Falling?” he demanded, changing tactics. “Is that funny, too? There goes another, hope the sulfur pits are still hot. They are, by the way, we keep them at just about four hundred fifty degrees. Haven’t had any newcomers in a while, but we’re always read for the next one.”

The angel looked paler than ever.

“How about you?” Crowley pressed on, because if he didn’t, something would snap inside. “Still an angel?”

He hadn’t meant anything by it, really. He’d hoped the angel would be offended, leave him alone, maybe think twice about snide comments in the future.

What he hadn’t expected was a cry of pain, the clay cup tumbling from shaking fingers to shatter on the floor. The angel pressed his fingers to his lips.

“Are you alright?”

The angel nodded his head, eyes squeezed shut.

Not my business, Crowley thought, glaring at his mug. Demons have our problems. Angels have theirs. None of my concern.

Except.

Except the angel had come over to talk to him. Rudely, managing to push all the buttons Crowley didn’t know he had, but still, he’d come over. And he hadn’t left, even when Crowley was rude back.

“Alright. Out with it.”

“I beg your pardon?” The angel waved a hand over the ceramic pieces, hurriedly reassembling them into some sort of abstract sculpture.

“Angel. You saw your enemy in a popina. You didn’t slip away, you didn’t call for back up, you certainly didn’t draw your sword. You sat down and started talking. Could it be you’ve got something you want to say?” He waved a hand over the messy pile of clay, turning it back into a cup. “Something you can’t risk getting back to your side?”

The guilty look told Crowley everything he needed to know. He refilled both mugs. “Whatever it is, I’m not going to tell anyone. Got no one to tell who would even care. So. Like I said.” He handed one cup to the angel. “Out with it.”

He turned the cup in plump hands, wearing an expression that might be a smile, but looked more like a frown. “How…how do you do it?”

“Do what? You’ll have to be a lot more specific.”

“How do you get the humans to do what you want?”

For the first time in four thousand years, Crowley very nearly blinked. “Wow. Straight to the trade secrets, huh?”

“I mean it,” the angel said, a note of pleading suddenly in his voice. “We’ve tried everything. We gave them rules, clearly outlining what they were supposed to do. It got…complicated. Then we tried to simplify. It got more complicated. We’ve punished them. Rewarded them. Sent them personal messengers and laws engraved in stone. Then you come along, and they forget everything. Turn to sin like that.”

“I seem to recall you once said I’m not good at my job,” Crowley said with a triumphant smile, taking a sip of the alleged wine.

“I’ll admit I was wrong,” the angel said, so sincerely, Crowley spat out his wine in surprise. The angel tapped the jug with his fingers, waved them over the cups, then tasted his own again. “That’s better. And I did think so at that time, it’s true. But for all you said you tried everything else first, it only took you two hours in the garden to ruin all our plans. Not the Ineffable Plan, of course,” he corrected quickly. “But everything we thought we knew changed in an instant. How?”

He was actually listening, Crowley thought, a little stunned. No one really listened to him, except to tell him to stop overthinking everything, stop asking questions. He lifted his cup again, found the liquid inside had been transformed into something light, sweet, with just a hint of bite at the back of the throat. It occurred to him that the angel hadn’t needed to change any wine except what was in his own cup. “How do you think I do it?”

“Well,” the angel fidgeted excitedly, a shy but genuine smile spreading across his face. “I have theories. At first, I assumed there was some sort of trigger for their obedience, and you worked it out first. Something like the Trumpets of Heaven that allowed you to put the idea directly into their minds.”

“Trumpets don’t work like that,” Crowley pointed out, going for another drink. “Otherwise, we never would have been able to rebel. If you don’t like what you’re ordered to do, they aren’t hard to ignore.”

The angel frowned distastefully. “I don’t know what liking an order has to do with obedience. But in any case, I realized that wasn’t it. Humans aren’t designed for angelic obedience; they need to be convinced to do what’s right. So, you’ve worked out how to do it. Some rhetorical strategy or reward guaranteed to get them to do as you ask. Something that’s more effective than any threat or promise my side can make.”

“Very well-reasoned,” Crowley said, finishing his cup.

The angel sat up proudly. “Why, thank you.”

“Completely wrong, though.” Crowley refilled his mug and considered the angel carefully. He could leave it at that. There were things he’d never told another demon, never told anyone. He shouldn’t consider telling an enemy.

But he wanted to say it. Wanted to know how the angel would react.

“I’ve told you before,” he finally said. “I don’t do anything at all.”

“Really, Crowley,” the angel scoffed. “You can’t expect me to believe that.”

“it’s true.” He shifted on his stool, leaning closer. “Back in the Garden, you want to know how I found out about the apples?” The angel nodded. “I slithered up, and the Woman was already talking to the Man about them. They’d been picking apples and gathering them for days, asking each other if it would really grant knowledge equal to God and the angels. All I had to say was yeah, probably.”

“So you did talk them into it!”

“I mean, barely?” Crowley shrugged, sitting up straight again. “If I didn’t say anything, they’d have tried for themselves in a day or two.”

“But surely,” the angel moved his stool closer. “Surely since then you’ve developed some sort of process.”

“Eh, generally Hell has some particular thing they want me to get a human to do. I’ve tried logic, threats, tricking them. I’ve even outright asked. Sometimes it works, sometimes they do something worse than Hell could come up with on our own, and sometimes, despite everything I do, they still do the right thing.”

“How often?”

Crowley tilted his head. “About half the time. I throw everything I can at them, and it works about half the time. Probably when they were going to do it anyway.” He jabbed a finger into the table. “That’s why I say: nothing we do matters. It’s all down to them, every time.”

“What do you mean, we?” the angel demanded, jumping to his feet. “How many of you are there, running around this world, trying to undermine my side?”

“Oh, you know that’s not what I mean.” Crowley leaned back in his stool with a smirk. “There are only two agents here on Earth, you and me. I know I’ve never convinced any human to do anything they weren’t already willing to do, and I’ll bet you came over here because you thought the same. We’re just here so Heaven and Hell can keep pretending they know what they’re doing. Act like they have some control over the situation, but we know it’s all a lie.”

I beg your pardon!” The angel’s voice broke through the background roar of the crowd, causing several humans to glance their way. Soft hands tugged at the bright white toga, pulling it straight. “I am most certainly not – not – no! My job has a purpose! I was put on this world to bring peace and order and safety and – and – and my very presence inspires goodness!”

Crowley finished his cup. “You know that isn’t true, or you’d never have spoken to me in the first place.” He waved to the bartender, picking up the jug, then turned to leave in a swirl of black fabric. “Face it, angel, you’re as useless as I am.”

“I am nothing like you!” The angel’s voice was high and strained in the sudden silence. “I am not useless!”

Crowley spun back, ready to tear the angel apart, but instead found himself meeting a pair of blue-grey eyes filled with pain and fear.

After all, useless demons were punished and reassigned. Angels with no purpose were discarded, or worse.

Throwing us head back to look at the ceiling, Crowley ground his teeth in thought. “Look. Angel.” He took a few steps back and lowered his voice. The humans were beginning to drift back to their conversations, at least. “I’m not saying you’re useless. Just the job they gave you.”

“Pardon me for not seeing the distinction.”

“There is one. I swear. You just…have to accept you can’t control humans. Keep an eye on them, try to nudge them when you can, claim credit when they do the stuff you’re meant to inspire and just…ignore the rest.”

“How?” His voice was pleading now. “I was made to protect them, to guide them! How can I just ignore what they do?”

“Gotta figure that out for yourself.” Crowley waggled the jug of wine in his hand. “I will say, enjoying the pleasures of the world helps. A lot.”

“Pleasures?” The angel’s lip curled distastefully.

“Yeah, you know. Food. Drink. Sleep. Music. And if you find an attractive human, well, that opens a whole other range of options.”

“Angels don’t…do those sorts of things.”

“Don’t they? You certainly know your wines.”

The angel adjusted the drape of his toga, chewing on his lip. “I…I have thought…there’s a new restaurant I’ve been meaning to try. Oysters. They’re supposed to be quite remarkable.”

“Sounds like the place to start.” Crowley turned to the door with a wave. “Not really my scene, though. I’m going to find a place to finish this jug and maybe pick up another –”

“I have a place.”

Funny how the world kept spinning after that. The crowd didn’t even pause in their conversation.

Crowley looked back over his shoulder.

“I’ve been in Rome for some weeks.” The angel moved towards him, one cautious step at a time. “I have a set of rooms. Really…quite nice. Several more amphorae of wine. If you’re interested.” He shuffled his feet, standing an arm’s length away. “You can tell me more about these distractions. I…don’t want to be alone with my thoughts right now. And I think…I might have more to say.”

Crowley crossed the last step between them. “You know, angel. I don’t think I ever caught your name.”

“Aziraphale. Angel of the Eastern Gate. Principality of Earth. Guardian of Humanity.”

--

Later that night

“Siz months,” Crowley declaimed, waving his cup of wine, pacing around the atrium. He paused again to study a potted plant. He could see yellowed leaf spots developing, even though it was clearly receiving more than enough sun. He jabbed a finger at it threateningly. “Siz months workin’ with the general on this whole thingy.”

“Which thingy?” Aziraphale sat on the far side of the impluvium, his bare feet dangling into the rainwater pool. He watched the ripples his toes made with a smile.

They were on the third amphora now, possibly the fourth. Crowley felt very relaxed, very open, unable to keep from sharing the thousands of ideas that ran through his head every day. And Aziraphale continued to listen. It was astounding.

“The thingy. Battle thingy. Plan. Take your boats and hit the other boats with them. Pwwffffffft,” Crowley waved his hands, making what he thought was the sound of two ships colliding at sea. Wine splashed across the floor.

“Not very safe,” Aziraphale decided after some thought.

“S’abattle. Not s’posed to be safe. Anyway. Was a bad plan. Cuz my side wanted them to lose.”

“Why did it take sis moths?” Aziraphale twisted his lips. “Sizzle mons…I don’ want to brag, but I can make a bad plan in under a nhour.”

“Angel. It is. So hard. To lose a battle on purpose.” He slumped against a column dramatically. “Harder’n trying to win. Too many things can go right. Gotta think of errything.” His cup was empty now. How did that happen? He wandered over to the amphora and refilled it, starting a fresh one for Aziraphale. “So. So. Six months. Day comes, all the boats all lined up…an’ the chicken won’ eat!”

Aziraphale nodded his head, then frowned. “Why’z the chicken on a boat?”

“Think she was a priest. An’ the general says they won’ fight until the chicken eats.” Holding the two cups, Crowley carefully circled around the pool towards the angel, who sat with his brow furrowed in thought.

“Chicken can’ be a priest,” he finally declared. “Can’ say prayers, see? No lips.”

“Zirpale.” Crowley frowned, scraped his tongue across his teeth and tried again. “Aziraphale. There’s a horse. In the Senate. I have no idea waz going on in this empire anymore.”

“Oh, I had dinner with Senator Incitatus,” Aziraphale exclaimed. “Lovely home, lots of marble. Didn’t much care for the oats.” He leaned forward, whispering a choice bit of gossip. “His wife Penelope was very rude, you know.”[2]

“Right.” Crowley handed Aziraphale the cup of wine, trying to process this information. “Where was I?’

“Chicken?”

“Yes. Wouldn’t eat. We waited all day and she jus’…jus’ sat there. And the other boats were –” he waved an arm towards the pool. “Thereish.”

“Maybe it was seasick.” Aziraphale took a drink of wine, then looked up, smiling brightly. “Should have used a duck! Ducks like water.”

“Eh. Mh. Fair point. No’ my idea, makin’ the chicken a priest.” He shrugged widely. “Anyway. By the time the chicken ate, winds’d changed, an’ our ships wouldn’ move. Other ones just – whoop – right up and set them all on fire.”[3]

“So you lost.”

“Yeah. But. Not how I was s’posed to lose.” He settled down, next to Aziraphale but carefully avoided the water. Angel might bless it by accident. Or on purpose. “They tell us…they say…erry choice, there’s a righ’ way an’ a wrong way, yeah? But ‘s’not true. There’s a thousan’ ways. Some right, some wrong, some jus’ dumb.”

“Chicken onna boat.”

“Tha’s m’point.” He leaned forward eagerly. “So if the humans do the wrong thing, it’s still wrong, even if it’s not what Hell wants, right? What matters is it’s wrong, even if it’s the wrong wrong, right?”

Aziraphale blinked. “What?”

“Does that answer your question?”

For another moment, Aziraphale stared at the black lenses Crowley wore, then let his eyes drift across the atrium. “My dear fellow, I’ve quite forgotten what I asked!”

“HA! Means I win.” Crowley drained his cup.

But the angel was frowning over something. “You said Hell…punishes you…if you don’ get enough souls.”

Crowley shrugged. “’S’Hell.” He traced a finger across the tiles of the floor mosaic, studying the colored stones.

“Are they…do they get angry? When y’do th’…the…the wrong-wrong-thing? Or tempt humans the wrong way?”

“Does it matter?” He didn’t want to think about that.

Aziraphale’s hand landed on the back of his, a gentle bit of pressure. “My side is – is very angry at you. All the time. Because you tempt th’humans to do all sortsof things. No one knows wha’ to expect. Drives Gabriel mad, you know.”

Crowley felt a smile coming across his face, like nothing he’d felt in a long time. His face grew hot, and he tugged his hand away.

“How about you,” Crowley said quickly. “You ever do a wrong right thing? Somethin’ that was right, but Heaven didn’t like it?”

“No!” Aziraphale sat up very straight, eyes wide. “M’n’angel. I only do right-right.”

“Aagh.” Crowley threw back his head. “C’mon. In four thousand years, there’s gotta be something you did. I did plenny Hell didn’ like.”

“No – no – no –” there was panic in his eyes now. “Crowley. If I diza – disoj – if I didn’ do what they said… I don’t know! I can’t!”

“Annnnngeeeeelllll,” Crowley drew out the word. “Not one li’l miracle on the side? No good deeds? You can tell me. Who’s gonna know?” He leaned closer, recklessly. “I’ll start. One time. In the north. This chieftain’s son was s’posed to kill this other chieftian’s son. Start a whole war. So I…” Crowley grinned. “Convenced ‘em to run off an’ get married. Their dads still got mad, war happened, bu’ they both lived off in th’ mountains.”

“Oh, Crowley. That’s sweet.”

“No’s’not. ‘S’horrible. There was so much fightin. So much. Your turn.”

“Well…one time…” His fingers tapped on the side of a cup. “One scribe was supposed to copy a poem about the king, but I didn’ like it, so I had him copy a different poem instead.”

Crowley blew a raspberry. “Weak! I was s’posed to help Hannibal fight Rome, but I wanted a nap, so I just told him,” he waved his hands, “elephants!”

“I may have accidentally invented the fruit cake?”

“No one likes fruit cake,” Crowley insisted, flapping a hand. “Don’t count. Ummmmm – Oh! I went for a swim ‘round the sea once, and now…’M a sea monster in six different miffs. I eat a princess in one!”

“Did you really?”

“Naaaah, just hissssed at her a little.”

“Oooh!” Aziraphale clapped his hands, smiling. “Stories! In Athens, I had a lovely talk with Aristo – Aristophan – with a play writer. And He wrote a charming story called The Clouds.”

“Didn’ that play get a man killed?”[4] Azirpahale’s face fell, but Crowley waved it off. “Aaaaah, these are nothin’. What’ve you done that y’r bosses would be mad about? Proper mad?”

Aziraphale pursed his lips and shook his head.

“S’gotta be something, Angel.”

“Well. P’haps.”

“A-ha!”

His fingers tightened around the cup, until cracks began to form. “I. At the Ark. I saved some of the humans who were s’posed to die.”

“How?” Crowley slid closer along the tiled floor.

“I – I – I took a family wi’ children. Moved them to th’other side of the world. Told them – told them they���d been spared, if the spread the story. Then…I did it again an’ again an’ again.” He looked up, eyes filled with tears. “That was good, right? The – the point wasn’t to punish, it was to send a message. Well, I helped spread the message. That’s good.”

“Ziraphale…” Crowley mumbled. He glanced at the pool, unable to meet those eyes. The water around the angel’s feet was wine-red, miracling out of his body as he spoke. “Why – why are you…”

“If I’m going to Fall, I want to do it sober.”

“No ya don’t.” If drinking had been an option during the War, Crowley certainly would have. “Why would you –”

“Not just the Ark,” Aziraphale rushed on. “I did the same at Sodom and Gomorrah. I stayed at Babel for months teaching the humans to speak each other’s languages again. In Egypt, the last plague, I – I – I took hundreds of firstborn sons and I – I hid them in safe places. It took weeks before anyone realized what had happened, we’d already left by then, so the point had been made, hadn’t it?”

Crowley pulled off his glasses, still staring at the angel’s panicked face.

“Don’t you understand?” Aziraphale dropped his cup, letting it shatter on the tile. “I’m the reason we can’t control the humans, I’m too soft with them, I don’t have the – the fortitude for this job. I undermine everything Heaven does, always have, and I hoped if I could find another way to control them…but it doesn’t exist, and they’ll find out, and I’ll Fall—”

“When you say…always have…”

“Eden.” Aziraphale pulled his feet out of the pool, turning to face Crowley entirely. “After you left. The lion attacked the humans. So. So I flew down. And I gave them my sword.”

“You what?” Crowley blinked.

“I’d been told to make sure they never returned, and I thought, well, if they’re able to feed themselves and stay warm and fight off the animals, they’ll have no need to come back, will they? I chased off the lion and I said here you are, flaming sword, everything you need in one. Take this, keep walking, never come back and…and take care of each other.” His hands came up, waving vaguely. “Was that the wrong right thing? Or just a wrong thing? I’ve wondered –”

Crowley was never sure why he did it.

The alcohol left his body, flowing into the pool to join Azirpahale’s. He grabbed the angel’s toga and pulled him close until their lips slammed together.

He waited for the smiting, for daring to defile a holy being, even if in an awkward, inexperienced way.

Instead, Aziraphale’s hand slid around his waist, the other cradled the back of his head, and warm lips parted below his and oh.

This was what the poets talked about.

--

Wessex – AD 538

The trumpets blared, the gates ground open, and the knights of King Arthur rode into Camelot, a clatter of hooves on cobblestones. Even had Crowley not been looking out the window, the cheers would have alerted her – it seemed every peasant and craftsman was out in the street, celebrating the return of their lords.

Her eyes searched for one in particular, the one she’d heard rumors of, but it was hard to distinguish one knight among all the shining plate and colorful banners. No, there. The one in a white fur cape, with a white horse. The one who carried no weapon. The smile spread across her face faster than she could bite it back.

“Come, ladies,” the queen said, rising from her throne. Her deep green dress was covered in lace and pearls, highlighting a flawless figure. Most humans didn’t see past that, to the sharp intelligence in her eyes. “The quest may be over, but our work has just begun. Keep the conversation at dinner light, no politics until at least the third course and if the Elaines would kindly spare us from their drama for a single evening…?” She raised an eyebrow at a knot of ladies, all different ages and appearances, who giggled behind their hands.

“My queen,” Crowley said, curtseying politely. “If I may be so bold as to ask for an introduction?”

“Of course!” Guinevere smiled, taking Crowley’s arm in hers. “You’ve hardly had a chance to meet any knights at all since your arrival. At least the questing season is almost over.” She lowered her voice as they walked. “The winters in Camelot may be cold and drafty, but at least we can convince the men to sit down and attend the duties of government. When there aren’t other distractions.” She eyed the Elaines again. “Your full introduction will wait until tomorrow, of course, when the king is ready to receive you. But I think we can at least find you a partner for dinner conversation.”

“I would be most grateful,” Crowley said demurely. “But is there any knight to be found who is as good a match for me as your own king is for you?”

The queen pressed her lips together, then smiled again. “Will you pretend you haven’t learned every bit of gossip about the men? Come. Tell me who you have your eye on, as if I couldn’t guess already.”

There was no mistaking the angel. Out of his armor, he worse a simple tunic of pale blue and white with silver embroidery that contrasted the bright, showy colors of the rest. He stood a little taller than most of the other knights, and she could see how his face beamed, radiant, as if he had stolen the stars and hidden them in his eyes.

Crowley berated herself for such foolish thoughts. It came from spending all her time surrounded by the ladies-in-waiting, but oh, it had been too long.

“…and though we found no sign of the Grail, your highness, I still feel the quest was a great success,” he was saying to some well-dressed human that was probably the king. “The people of Elmet were much heartened by your words and the relief you brought them after the famine.”

“Sir Aziraphale,” the queen chided. “That sounds an awful lot like politics, and you know my rules. The king needs time to recover from his journey.”

Crowley may have noticed Arthur reaching for his wife’s hand, but what expression either wore – or what looks Guinevere gave to the other knights – she missed entirely, because now Aziraphale smiled at her.

“It would appear you’ve gained another lady-in-waiting in my absence,” Aziraphale said, taking Crowley’s hand and bowing over it.

“Yes. Allow me to introduce the Lady Antonia of Crowley.”

“Sir Aziraphale,” Crowley curtseyed deeply. “I have heard much of your deeds.”

“And I believe I know of your family.”

“If it will not distract you from your duties,” she said, with a coquettish glance, “perhaps we can discuss old ties after dinner?”

“I look forward to the conversation.”

It wasn’t much of a conversation, though mouths were heavily involved.

“You shouldn’t be here,” Aziraphale managed, pulling his lips away long enough for a few words. “We agreed it’s too dangerous.”

“Maybe I wanted some danger.” Crowley shoved him against the wall of the castle, just out of sight of the hall where the Knights of Camelot feasted, and pulled kiss after kiss from her angel’s lips while his hands slid around her waist, pulling her closer. “Besides. I’m here on orders. My side thinks the island is getting too peaceful.”

“Too peaceful?” Aziraphale spun her away from the wall, backing her into the cushioned seat of a window. She fell onto the red fabric, and he bent over her, pressing kisses on her face as if to memorize the shape of her nose, her brow, her cheeks. “The kings of this island do nothing but fight!” He managed in between kisses, as Crowley twisted her head, trying to catch his mouth. “It’s all the queen can do to keep them from declaring war on each other every time they sit down to dinner.”

“Mmh.” Crowley pulled Aziraphale into her lap, kissing her way down his jaw and neck, as far as the lacing on the tunic would allow. “Probably why I was sent to ruin their marriage.”

“I don’t want to tell you how to do your job,” Aziraphale began, then paused to do something to Crowley’s neck that left her positively gasping. “But if you’re supposed to be seducing the king, you’re going about it all wrong.”

“Perhaps I need more practice.” She pressed her forehead to Aziraphale’s lightly rubbing their noses together. “I’m certain one of the chambers on this hall has a bed.”

“Nh,” Aziraphale groaned with a smile. “They’re going to expect me back soon. I really did just mean to find out why you’re here.”

Crowley let him stand, and he pulled her to her feet. They stood in the hall, arms wrapped around each other, her chin resting on his head. “I’m supposed to make Guinevere fall for one of the knights. We’re fairly certain without her there to balance the king, Camelot will fall apart in a matter of weeks.”

“Anyone in particular?”

“Well. The lust department had several suggestions. But naturally I arrive and she’s already in love with Lancelot.”

“Can’t blame her. Everyone’s in love with Lancelot.”

“Does that include you?”

“Don’t be jealous.” He brushed her lips lightly, and Crowley pulled him closer, into something much deeper and rougher. When they finally parted, breathless, they settled onto the window seat, side-by-side.

“Listen, you need to let me have this one,” Aziraphale said, twining their fingers together. “Not just because I was here first – though I was – but I really do think this is important. The island becomes more unified every year. People are happy under Arthur. And I think I’ve found the secret to the humans.”

“Not this again…” Crowley objected.

But he lifted her hand, brushing a kiss on every finger, every knuckle. “They don’t listen to us because we’re outsiders. We agree on this yes? But they trust a human leader, a charismatic one. We just find the right leader – like Arthur – and guide him on the right path, and he will ensure the rest follow.” His free hand slid up to cup Crowley’s face. “I have a whole report for Head Office almost complete. I’m certain it will go over well. I just need a few more months.”

“Oh, Angel.” She turned her head, kissing his palm. “I told you before. Nothing we do here matters. They’re already in love, she’s already tempted, and every day Arthur spends building his kingdom drives them further apart. It’s only a matter of time.” She leaned against his hand, searching his earnest eyes. “Let’s just enjoy this one. You and me, together, like…like humans…” It was strangely difficult to say.

“We can,” he said, hardly seeming to notice the pain she was in. “Once my report is ready, we can do – whatever game you like.” He pressed a kiss to the sigil on the side of her face. “There’s a lovely glade in the woods…I’d like to take you there next summer.”

Summer was far away. Already the queen received letters from her husband’s best knight, and the messengers carried notes back. But Guinevere knew what was at stake. “I think I can buy you a little time,” Crowley said.

Aziraphale smiled so brilliantly, her heart almost stopped beating. After nearly five thousand years, he still had hope, still believed he could make a difference. Sometimes, he even had Crowley believing again, thinking she belonged, a part of the world, someone who moved through it, helped to shape it, not just an outsider hammering around the edges, trying to make any impression.

It would hurt, later, when Aziraphale was proven wrong yet again. It would hurt them both. But now, in this moment, they had hope. And she loved him for it.

Crowley stood with a gasp.

“Crowley? My dear, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing. I – nothing.” She stepped away, finding another window to gaze out across the rolling fields of Camelot.

Aziraphale stepped up behind her, wrapping his hands around her waist, pulling her back into the curve of his stomach, enveloping her in his warmth. She tried not to let him see her expression.

She loved Aziraphale.

That was wrong. That wasn’t the Arrangement they had.

They coordinated jobs to avoid pointless conflict. They came up with clever lies for Head Office when half their assignments inevitably failed. They alerted each other to deeds the other could take credit for.

And, when they could, they distracted each other in the most pleasant ways possible.

They were not supposed to be in love.

--

London – 1601

“To be or not to be, that is the question…”

“Literature!” Aziraphale hissed happily, clutching at Crowley’s arm. He had that smile again, the one that always said he’d figured it out “Why didn’t I think of it before? It’s so obvious!”

Crowley looked fixedly at the stage, where the actor struggled to deliver his lines to an empty theater. Burbage was good, Shakespeare’s lines were clever (not that Crowley would admit either out loud), but still no one came to see the play.

“Pretty sure you’ve tried doing plays before. Remember what happened to Socrates?”

“It’s not the same!” He smiled at the stage, eating another grape. Crowley watched that smile through dark glasses, already bracing himself for what would come later. “For one thing, that was a complete accident. I had no idea comedy could be so cruel. For another, I wasn’t trying to manipulate anything, it just happened. But it worked!”

“Worked? It got a man executed!” Crowley circled behind Aziraphale, leaning close to whisper. “Besides, your side has had a stranglehold on literature for centuries. What gets copied, what doesn’t, thousands of sermons and treatises and bad poems.” He clenched his fist. “They’re just – so – boring!”

Up on stage, Burbage hesitated, shooting a glare towards Shakespeare that clearly said I told you so.

“Not you!” Aziraphale waved to the stage. “We were talking about a different play! This one is very not-boring!”

“It’s a little boring,” Crowley started, but Aziraphale scowled at him. “Fine. Yes. You’re very clever. Slings and arrows of outrageous fortune. Good rhythm. Bravo.”

Shakespeare waved to his actor, and Burbage stepped to the center of the stage again. “To be, or not to be…”

“Oh, now he’s starting over,” Crowley groaned.

“Look, I have a plan,” Aziraphale tried again. “Popular literature. Comedies, love poems, things people enjoy hearing. We find the writers who are already very good, then just encourage a few new ideas into their stories. Use them as examples. Get people really talking about philosophy and morality.”

Already Crowley was shaking his head. “No, Angel. Besides, what’s so bloody good about this play? He just stands around talking about doing things, and never does anything!”

“Proof of concept. Besides, I happen to like it. Look, I’ll do some of the funny ones you like, too. All I do is get him to slip in a few particularly memorable lines, ensure the play’s success, and once all of London is talking about it, I can bring it to Gabriel and – and –”

“And what? Really?” Crowley circled again, to stand in front of Aziraphale, blocking the stage entirely. “You think humans don’t know how morality is supposed to work? Your lot have been feeding them rules for millennia. Nothing you can tell them now is new. It won’t change anything. Look.” He took Aziraphale’s hand in both of his, running his thumbs across the soft knuckles, feeling the way the angel’s fingers curled with a protectiveness Crowley didn’t deserve. Even after sixteen centuries, it could still make him shiver. “We’ve both got jobs in Edinburgh coming up. Forget all this. Let’s go north together, make a holiday of it. The giant monster can make an appearance at that lake you like, and then we’ll have it all to ourselves for a few days…”

Aziraphale’s eyes half-closed, and for a second, he leaned towards Crowley. Then he stepped away, quickly eating another grape. “Not where people can see us. We need to be more careful.”

“No one cares.” Crowley circled behind him, resting a hand on his lower back, feeling Aziraphale’s own shivers. “What do you say? You, me, a little journey north?”

“Crowley…I really think I have something here.” The demon groaned and stepped away, knowing what was about to come. “Look, if you could just – just cover my blessings for me while I get everything sorted out, I’m sure I can have a report ready in no time.”

“Angel, not again.”

But Aziraphale was looking at him with that mix of hope and pleading in his eyes, and it made Crowley’s heart melt all over again. He couldn’t say no. He could never, ever say no.

“Fine. Just promise me, when it all falls apart, this time you’ll do something for yourself. Take a rest. Enjoy life.”

“If you like, but it doesn’t matter.” Aziraphale smiled, like the sun emerging at the end of a storm. “This time it will work. You’ll see.”

--

Paris – 1793

“Animals don’t kill each other with clever machines, Angel. Only humans do that.”

“Crowley!” The angel leapt to his feet, turning with a smile that made Crowley nearly discorporate. Then he frowned. “Good lord. Is that what you wear to rescue me?”

“Sorry, left all my dashing hero outfits back in London.” He lurched upright and made to leave. “Maybe I should go get one. You mind waiting here a couple of days?”

“Don’t you – Crowley!” He looked back to find Aziraphale sinking back onto his seat. “Oh, you were right. It all fell apart.”

“I know, Angel. I read Paradise Lost. Pretty sure that’s not what you had in mind.” He settled onto the bench and took Aziraphale’s manacled hand in his. “What happened? Last time we spoke, you said it was all going well.”

“Well, I lied. It’s been a disaster from beginning to end.” He stared at the dripping walls of his cell. “I don’t understand. Look at – look at the Courtly Love poetry. The tales of chivalry. The same ideals over and over and people love them, follow them, emulate them.”

“Been a lot written about what your side has to say, too.”

“I know. But people don’t – they don’t love it, not the same way.” He lowered his voice. “Did you read those – those Puritanical treatises? It was like being lectured by Gabriel through a book, as unlikely as that sounds. And half the things they talked about are completely irrelevant! The humans always wind up more concerned with their own ideas and forget about the really important things.”

“So, why did you think it would be any different this time?”

“I don’t know! New contexts, new media. People were excited about literature as they hadn’t been for so long. It could be a fresh start for our message. Only when I pitched the idea to Gabriel, all he heard was the word new and next thing I know we’re organizing new translations of the same texts.”

“That explains the King James Bible.” Crowley had taken some joy in convincing Hell that the latest translation counted as a point for their side.

Aziraphale squeezed Crowley’s hand. “Then I tried suggesting some ideas to writers, personally, in dreams or at bars or all sorts of ways. But they all just took them in the wrong way entirely.”

“That explains Paradise Lost.” He’d enjoyed parts of that one.

“Yes. And I finally succeeded in getting some intellectuals to discuss morality, philosophy, science, all those big questions. And in the end, they pulled all our ideas to pieces and rebuilt them into something entirely different.”

“That explains the Enlightenment.” Crowley couldn’t help smiling at that. He loved when humans questioned things.

“And all that led to this.” Aziraphale waved manacled arms around the filthy cell. “A revolution and a hundred executions a day. All because I just…wanted people to talk about right and wrong.” He sighed. “So yes. You were right. Nothing we do makes any difference.”

But you tried, Crowley wanted to say. It’s been so long since I could bring myself to try. And you accomplished so much, even if it’s not what you wanted. You were brilliant. I love you.

He didn’t say that, though. There were some things a demon could never say.

But he had other words instead.

“Angel. What did I make you promise, two hundred years ago, when all this started?”

“That I would make Much Ado as popular as Hamlet. I really did try –”

“No, not that.” He stood up and pulled on the chain that bound the angel. “You promised if it all fell apart –” he tugged again, and Aziraphale stumbled to his feet – “you’d take a break from all this –” one more pull brought Aziraphale against him – “And do something for yourself.”

“Well. I suppose I did.” A little smile appeared on the angel’s face, as his hands started tugging on Crowley’s lapels.

“And it would be horrible – shameful – an unbelievable scandal if an angel were to go back on his word.” Crowley looped his hands around Aziraphale’s waist, pulling himself into that softness.

“Hmmmm,” Aziraphale rested his cheek against Crowley’s shoulder. “I thought we might get crepes.”

“It’s a start.” Crowley pressed a line of kisses across his jaw and down his neck, stopped too soon by the enormous cravat.

“And…see where the night goes?”

Crowley ran his fingers up Aziraphale’s spine, feeling those shivers once again. “I have some thoughts on that, too,” he promised, purring in his angel’s ear. “But after that?”

Aziraphale hesitated. “More crepes in the morning?”

“If you like,” Crowley laughed, “but not what I had in mind. Come on. You always have so many ideas for Heaven. Big elaborate plans. You must have one for yourself.”

“No I – I – it would be quite impossible.” He pushed away just a little.

“Yeah, probably, but that doesn’t usually stop you.” Crowley cupped Aziraphale’s face in his hands. He wanted to see that glow again, the look of hope. “Whatever it is, I can help.”

“I…there was one idea…I thought I might…open a bookshop.”

It took an effort not to frown at that. “A bookshop?”

“Yes! You know. Big leather-bound ones. Novels. Poetry. Even old journals. I could collect them, and repair them…”

“Sell them to customers?”

“Oh.” Aziraphale’s face fell a little. “I suppose…in the right circumstances. But I would also know all the latest books, and I could talk about the ideas in them. Maybe even get a cat.” He sighed. “I know it sounds foolish, but…I imagine it, in the heart of London, closing up early to go to the theater, or spend the night in with my collection and a bottle of wine…”

Yes, there it was. That smile. The one that made Crowley fall in love again every time. “And what are you going to call this business venture?”

“A.Z. Fell & Co. Just need to decide what the letters stand for.”

Crowley nodded. “And the Co?”

“Just a formality really.” His manacled hands found Crowley’s lapels again, smoothing them. “Unless, you know, someone was interested in being my partner?”

Crowley’s jaw hung open, trying to find the words, but it was too much. His heart raced until he thought it would burst. “You. You want me…?”

“Well. Gabriel would just make a mess of things.”

“But. Dangerous.”

“We’d have to be careful, but, well, we’re both very clever. Surely we could –”

The rest was cut off by Crowley’s lips, and by the sound of chains tumbling to the floor.

--

The next morning, Crowley sat on the right side of the bed, watching his angel dream.

He lay back across, to kiss Aziraphale’s cheek, then his bare shoulder. A smile grew across the sleeping face. “Cowey?” he mumbled.

“Shhh. Stay here. I’ve got some things to take care of first. I’ll see you in London. In our bookshop.”

Aziraphale waited for over two hundred years.

--

August 2008

The door to Aziraphale’s bookshop burst open with the sort of force usually associated with riots, attempted robberies, and visits from school groups. He turned from the customer he had been slightly-less-than-gently dissuading from purchasing a copy of Oliver Twist. It was one of the cheap paperbacks he kept around for persistent customers, but policy is policy.

A quick glance to the door to see who the troublemaker was.

A longer glance to take in the tall, dark being with the long red hair and the black glasses hiding any hint of his expression.

He pulled the book from the customer’s hand. “Everyone, please leave. We are closed.”

“But the sign said—”

“Everyone. Leave. We are closed.”

The three human customers shuffled their way out the door, past the impatient demon. Aziraphale took a deep breath before looking him in the eye – or at least the black lenses. “That includes you,” he said, voice as calm as he could make it.

“I – listen, we need to talk—”

“Oh.” Aziraphale took a step closer, watching the way Crowley twisted and squirmed. His clothing was ridiculous, trousers so tight he could hardly walk. He’d managed to cram a few fingers into the pockets, but they didn’t seem to be deep enough. “Now you want to talk?”

“Yeah, look, I’m sorry, Angel, I really am, but this is –”

“You said you would see me in London.”

“It’s…yeah, we’re in London—”

“Two hundred and fifteen years, Crowley!” Even though they’d been designed to absorb sound, Aziraphale’s shout echoed off the walls of the shop. “I have been waiting to hear from you for two centuries!”

“I…I had…”

“Oh, you had things to take care of?” Aziraphale stepped closer, jabbing a finger at him. “You could have contacted me!”

“It wasn’t safe!”

“Wasn’t safe? Since when do you worry about it being safe? You just waltz right in and introduce your newest alias, every time.”

“Angel—”

“Don’t you Angel me!” He shut his eyes and turned away. This isn’t how he’d wanted this to go. Don’t argue. It isn’t worth arguing. Just say your bit and send him away. “Crowley. In the last two hundred years, I’ve taken a…a lot of time to think about our…Arrangement. Things had gone rather too far.” He nodded, turning back. “Perhaps this separation was a blessing. In the future we should avoid—”

“Aziraphale, listen to me!” For the first time in so long, he felt those hands on his arms again, clutching him through the fabric. “Never mind any of that, this is important!”

It was an effort to catch his breath. “Let go of me, now.”

Crowley stepped back, holding up his hands, but the urgency hadn’t left his voice. “Hell has kickstarted Armageddon. It���s the end of the world.”

Aziraphale pressed his lips together. So it’s true. Plenty of humans had calculated the final date, and all of them had been wrong. He had hoped that Heaven’s information would also be incorrect. “Gabriel told me as much the other day. I’m meant to find out what I can and report back.” He cleared his throat, looking around at his shop, at his prized first editions, his music collection, the little row of silver snuff boxes by the window.

Six thousand years, and this was all he really had to show for it.

“I don’t suppose you know how long we have left?” he asked, trying to keep his voice even.

“About eleven years. The Antichrist has been delivered. I don’t know who they sent. I don’t exactly have a lot of fans downstairs just now but – but we still have time. We can track him down—”

“And do what? As you’re so fond of reminding me, nothing we do matters. Nothing I try makes any difference.” Aziraphale walked over to the desk where he kept his favorite first editions. Perhaps he could petition to have one or two added to the Library of Heaven, if they met the subject matter approval. Persuasion, at least, had served him well for many years.

“But we have to try.” Crowley danced around the edge of his vision. “You always say that. We have to try.”

“No, we don’t. There’s really no point. We can either try to avoid the inevitable, or we can prepare ourselves for it.” He wandered over to his music collection. Eleven years was probably enough time to learn to like one or two of Elgar’s works. Not enough time for The Sound of Music.

“Angel, please.” Crowley’s hand found that spot at the small of his back, the one that always made him shiver with delight. Oh, it really had been too long. “Don’t give up. Not yet. I can’t do this alone.”

“Just tell me this.” Aziraphale stared directly ahead, not looking at anything at all. “How long have you been in London? Months? Years? Decades?”

“Angel—”

“I saw the shape of the M25. Did you think I wouldn’t recognize a sigil?”

The hand pulled away, leaving him cold and alone. It was all the answer Aziraphale needed. “You should go now.”

He waited until the door clicked shut before sinking into his chair.

Then he searched his desk for a fresh piece of paper, and began to write his next report for Gabriel.

--

July 2019

Crowley pressed his mobile to his ear, leaning against the side of his Bentley. He heard a ring – another ring – a third –

“I’m sorry to say we are quite definitely closed. My regular hours are suspended, due to—”

“It’s me.”

A pause.

“How did you get this number?”

“What – Aziraphale, it’s the bookshop number. I got it the same way your customers do, unearthing a three-decade-old phone directory.”

“I thought I’d destroyed all those.”

“Will you listen?” Crowley shifted the mobile to his other ear. “I don’t have much time. I know where the Antichrist is. I know a bit more than that, too – what Hell is planning, where it’s all going to happen.”

A heavy sigh over the line. “If you’re going to say Megiddo, I already know that.”

His heart rose. “Aziraphale – you have been doing research! I knew you wouldn’t just give up. Don’t worry, I’ve got more than that – lots more.” He glanced over his shoulder. “I really – really – shouldn’t have this information, alright? But I think I’ve got a plan. I don’t know if it’ll save the world forever, but…it should buy us some time.”

Silence on the line.

“Aziraphale. I’m…I’m sorry. I really am. All I wanted was for you to be safe and…look…I can tell you more when we meet. I promise, I’m going to make it all up to you, in whatever time we have left.” More silence. “Do you need me to say it? It hurts, but I can—”

“No. Don’t.” Another pause, but this time with the sound of rustling paper in the background. “Just…tell me where to meet you. And when. I need at least a day to make preparations.”

Crowley had to put the mobile down and take a few deep breaths, pulling off his glasses to wipe at his eyes. “Right. Yes. Tomorrow is fine.” He turned a map towards him. “I can’t pick you up, not safe, but I can give you directions. Do you have some way of getting out here?”

--

The next day, Crowley paced beside his Bentley, waiting for the angel to show up. He was late.

Not late, actually. Technically, he still had several minutes to go. Aziraphale usually preferred to be early, but there could be many reasons he wasn’t able to find the spot. The plan was to meet here and travel the rest of the way together. He’d fill Aziraphale in on the details as they drove.

He thought he’d been clever, choosing the meeting spot, but the only identifying feature on this side road was a tree in the middle of a field. It was entirely possible the angel was ten miles away, waiting next to a completely different tree in an unrelated field and –

With an almost-unheard change of air pressure, Aziraphale was standing to his left.

“Angel,” he breathed out in relief. “You shouldn’t have done that. Anyone could have sensed your arrival. I’ve made a lot of demons very angry.”

“I know,” Aziraphale said, not quite meeting his eyes. That was fine. They would have time. The important thing was, Aziraphale had come. They were together again.

“Get in the car. It’s about ten minutes from here. I’ll tell you everything.”

“Yes. You really should tell us everything, as soon as possible.”

Another change in air pressure.

And Crowley turned to find Gabriel, Michael, Sandalphon and a dozen other angels standing behind him.

“Well done, Aziraphale,” Gabriel said, with a smile that made Crowley’s skin crawl. “Get the chains on him, I want to start interrogation as soon as possible.”

He spun back to Aziraphale, who held a golden chain in his hand. “You – Aziraphale, no.” Those hands reached for him, and Crowley stumbled back, barely able to stand, barely able to breathe around the awful, broken feeling in his gut. “You lied to me!”

“No, I didn’t – you just assumed – Crowley, please. This is for the best.”

“No!” In a flash of light, he was a serpent again, as big as he could manifest, slashing venom-filled fangs at the angels. It wouldn’t destroy them but it would burn, and he could probably get two before they took him down. He struck towards Gabriel, lashed his tail around towards Michael and her troops, and twisted away to the field, hoping for more room to maneuver.

He never made it that far.

Aziraphale leapt onto his back, pinning his face against the ground, as he twisted furiously, trying to escape. The metal chain slipped around his neck like a noose, pulled tight –

And suddenly, Crowley was human-shaped again, lying in the street, with Aziraphale sitting on his back, knees pinning his shoulders, hand pressing his face down into the pavement.

“Angel – please – don’t do this. Don’t do this.”

“Hush, dear. Don’t struggle. This is for the best. It’s for the best.”

[1] Popina – a bar in ancient Rome, usually serving the lower classes, with reputations for being rough

[2] Incitatus – Emperor Caligula’s prize racehorse, which he allegedly made a Senator, and attempted to appoint Consul. His ornate marble stable probably was real; his wife, the mare Penelope, is from Robert Graves’ I, Claudius

[3] This is not an actual battle, but combines details from the Battle of Drepana (249 BC, when Publius Claudius Pulcher threw the sacred chickens in the sea for refusing to eat) and the Battle of Actium (31 BC, when Marc Antony held his position while the winds shifted, until it was quite impossible to slip by Octavian’s forces). Romans were very fond of various forms of fortune telling; one tradition was that if the sacred chickens ate a certain way before battle, it was a good omen, but if they refused to eat, it was ill.

[4] Aristophanes’ The Clouds – a comedy about philosophy, ideas, religion and education. One character is a parody of Socrates, and allegedly the play was used as evidence in his trial that he “corrupted the youth,” leading to his execution

#good omens prime #ineffable husbands #aziraphale and crowley #good omens fanfiction #good omens celebration #goc2020 #walking through history #aziraphale #anthony j crowley #Crowley #good omens angst #so much angst #guys this is a sad one #long post #My writing #Garden Of Eden #mesopotamia #ancient rome #wessex #shakespeare #bastille 1793 #What Might Have Been #ao3 #ao3 link #so sorry

[l0vey-d0vey-moved]

*slides into the room* Tell me about your OCs 👀

*SCREAMS* OK WELL IM STILL FIGURING OUT THEIR STORIES BUT WILL DO////// also this got rlly long so time to put it under a cut :D

ok so the first group is all animals since i couldn’t draw humans at the time, and i actually have a group for them on toyhou.se if y’all wanna check ‘em out 😏😏(their profiles are still wips,,,,,, rip) and im only gonna talk about them since it already got too long OOPS

the first character up is Roselynn “Rose” Maxwell, and she’s what i call a ‘heart feline’!!! it’s more like a fancy way of saying “a cat that can have rainbow colors but also a heart on it” hffsghghfs;;; she’s the first character that has really just stuck with me and has gone through so many redesigns until about last year!!!

anyways she’s supposed to be somewhat of a representation of me, but her anxiety is boosted like. 100x more. she’s just a big ol’ softie that loves her bff, galaxy!!!!! she’s so supportive of all of her friends. she was previously bullied, but it’s all been solved now :3c she has a little sister named lilac who loves to annoy the hell out of rose,,,, oops,,,

random fact about rose: she was originally supposed to end up with galaxy for whatever reason, but i think it’s better if they just stayed friends ^^

the next one is Galaxied Universe!!!! he was my first ever male character, and is a ‘universal fennec fox’, aka a fennec fox that live(d)s in space :o he and his parents evacuated their dying planet and ended up in rose’s hometown, culinstown, washington. 

rose’s family ended up taking them in and rose and galaxy quickly became close friends. and then rose’s friends find out about him, and they have to go through the trouble of keeping him a secret :) but he’s rlly a sweetheart!!!!!! he loves everything and loves learning about this planet and it’s different cultures and languages, and is an ambivert

random fact about galaxy: whenever he smells sharpies, he gets really sick and can even vomit if he’s around them for too long :”)

next up is Hope Masuria!!!!!!!! she’s nb (they/them + she/her) and was supposed to be my fursona until i grew outta that phase :o she’s a somali cat, which is a real breed oops, and her family adopted a labrador retriever as her sibling!!!

she’s also supposed to be a reflection of me, way more anxious but when she’s with her friends, she’s so loud and expressive and excited!!!!!!!! she loves everything and gushes with her adopted sister, charity, over stuff they’ve found (rocks, coins, etc etc) and AAAAAAAAAAA

random fact about hope: despite not liking regular caramel, she really loves candied apples with caramel on them. 

Charity Lynn Mara-Masuria is up next :3c!!! she doesn’t like to use her original last name (Mara), but she likes to put it on paper just bc she likes having a long name. it makes her feel fancy :D she’s actually hope’s adopted sister!!!!

she’s super optimistic, happy, upbeat and excited all the time !!!!! she loves living life, and loves bugs, bird-watching and a lot more :D she’s aromantic ace, but still loves her friends and family no matter what :3c,,, she has adhd and dyslexia (catch the reference? owo) but still does her Absolute BestTM 

random fact about charity: she only eats fruits and is on a fruitarian diet!!! and yes, thats actually a thing :O

the second to last one is Louise!!! she doesn’t have a last name for some reason, and she’s always tired. just let her sleep pls,,,,, she’s a cocker spaniel mix who just wants to snuggle with her plushies on a rainy day and sleep the day away

when she’s actually awake, she’s kinda bitchy but playful in that annoying older-sibling kinda way. just don’t make her mad and don’t get on her bad side,,,, you’ll know when she’s pissed off bc she has Bad anger issues that she’s slowly getting better at

random fact about louise: she knows how to speak ASL, spanish, french and german (to varying degrees) and often curses in them

and the last one is Toxicated Radiation! (aka Toxic), she is agenderflux (they/them, she/her and he/him) and has the dirtiest mouth ever. she used to be really brightly colored, but the design just became really ugly and hurt to look at, so i changed her colors and a bit of her personality.

she’ll literally cuss you out all because of a game she lost. she loves gaming and will drag you to play this game w/ her, even if you haven’t played it before. although she seems pissy and grumpy all the time, she’s just a big ol’ tsundere. she loves teaching her friends about her own interests, but also loves to hear about her friends lives :D

random fact about toxic: she’s literally fought someone 2x the size of her and won by a landslide. 

THIS GOT V LONG AND THESE CHARACTERS ARENT EVEN THE ONLY ONES I HAVE OOPS;;;; if y’all want a more in-depth explanation or wanna kow about more of my characters, hmu 💞

#answers #jocelynships #about my ocs #<that'll be the tag for my characters ig?? #oc tag #my shoulders and hands hurt after typing this for this long oops #it was worth it though :D

[bonbonswirl-blog]

Proud dad

NO ONE BELONG TO ME THEY ALL BELONG TO ONLY @brueklynn I OWN NOTHING.

anyway i was not satisfied with the last fanfic I worte at ALL, it was very bad and I wont blame you if you think that too im sorry it went like this. I decided to write this one since I got the idea. Mason is always a sweetheart btw guys! I just may have changed him a little by accident in this one. Bc im not too skilled, reminder none of this happened and not canon, all these just from my mind with some little "headcanons" from me thx.

It was just a normal day. The golden rays of sunshine caressing everyone faces, shining up the bright blue sky that gives a feeling of comfort and ease, faint chirping of birds can be heard near the trees. Mason was sitting on a bench in a park, with a little smile on his warm face, which is being tickled by the gentle gold beams. his eyes were slowly scanning the small letter in his hands, re-reading it once more after numerous of time, his fingers touched the writing of pen on the white piece of paper, as if checking if this is a true thing, And it is. His eyes drifted from the paper in his hands to the playground in front of him, The sounds of children playing echoed from the park, stomping, running and laughing. None of the worries of adults crossed their minds, only how to elude capture by their friends. The rhythmic creaking of swings went back and forth, and some kids tried to time their jumps from the swings to the rhythm. The colors of the playground equipment were still fresh and bright, despite the years of wear and the endless use. his eyes trying to search between this crowd of kids for a certain one of his own, a few years old one with messy brown hair wearing a flatcap similar to his own one, it was something he gave his child on his previous birthday, mason tried to consider it as a gift to his son as an attempt to bring some joy to his little heart, it was the only thing that was in his pocket right now. He hoped that in the next birthday he will find a better present to give for his little boy that can truly make him happy. Moments later mason had found him, merrily playing on a slide with the other kids, which made his dad smile get bigger. For a last time he looked at the letter, he was so happy that someone had finally toke notice of him and invited him for a job intrview tomorrow morning, he practiced a lot for hopes in getting that job, if he gets it, he will no longer be dependent on those small live making things that doesnt help a lot and will have enough money to provide a good life for him and his son. Looking at the sky, he noticed that the sun is going to set soon, and it will get late to walk for home, they dont live near this park. He smelled the letter as it was some fresh air then folded it to put it in his pocket, giving more five minutes for his son to play until he is going to pick him up to go home.

It was night. As the colors of the day rest the dark was covering every part of the sky. all the kids have already went to their home with their parents, the air was silent, maybe an owl or some cricket can be heard from here and there, the streets were empty, no one was walking on them, expect for a single man holding his little son hand, mason looked at his child and smiled "how was your day at the park wallaby? Did you enjoy it? " He asked wallaby, making sure his son had a good time playing and laughing with all the kids, that he was happy with where his dad brought him today. " Yes dad! I founda buncha fweinds today! We pwayed a game cawed tag your it! Ya pway it by runnin after someone and ya ne....." but mason didnt hear the rest of the talk of how wallaby is teaching him to play tag your it, because his mind was in another place, filled with thoughts of how the interview will go tomorrow, will he get the job? Will he fail? What will he do if he failed? He doesnt want that...What if he gets it? But it was harder than he expected? Will he leave it? Will he push himself to continue? Will he...

" Dad?!?!?DAd?!??! DAD?!? " His son voice distracted him of his deep thought. He guessed that he was inside his mind for too long that he couldnt hear his child. " Yes my dear? " "Ma legs huwt :<" mason smiled again and giggled at wallaby cute little pout, it could make anyone fall for him so fast, his dad knows that there is still a bit of a way for them to get to their home yet, and that wallaby had already walked long enough with his small foot, not to mention he must be tired from all the running today. " Do you want me to carry you for the rest of the way? " " YA YA YA! " Wallaby said excited at that suggestion, reaching both his short arms up in the air for mason hold him, which made mason laugh a little and lean down to hold his small baby in his arms. " Who is my little good boy? " "ME ME!! " " Yes You Are!! " Mason tickled wallaby a bit which made the small kid laugh childishly, his laugh fuel his dad heart with delight. He hugged his son gently while keeping to walk along the road. " Dad? " " Yes! my sunshine? " "I saw some of ma fweinds today tawk about who is better at studying in school! dad, what is school? " ....Mason smile went away and he was silent for a while.... he remembered that wallaby was already old enough for his age to start going to school...but he couldnt afford the money to give this child the chance to go the kindergarten like all the other kids...when will he give him the chance to start learning?... " School is a place where you go to get education dear! Kids go to there everyday to learn new things! " He tried to smile as an attempt to comfort himself and answer the child question softly. " Will I one day go to school dad?" Wallaby innocent smile wasnt enough to sweep away the little sadness that mason felt at that question, he wanted so much for wallaby to get education like all the other people, and he was ready to do whatever it costed to do so, but he know he cant... he cant find the chance. " Maybe one day you will do dear... " that even gave the dad a bigger ambition to pass the intreview tomorrow, he will work as hard as he can to give anything that is needed to his son. Wallaby was silent for a little time in his dad arms while mason just kept walking, the small one looked at his dad again to shot another question at him. " Dad im hungwy :< " that reminded mason that they both didnt really eat enough since the last two days, he is trying to save up for more important things. He wished he have the ability to give him something good to eat right now, he used a lot of energy playing today anyway. " I know my dear...how about I give you an apple when we come back home? " " But I always ate apples dad! How about some candy? " Mason laughed a little "aww my dear! You need to eat lots of vegetables and fruits to grow up! " "awwwww :< " wallaby pout never fail to make mason grin, wallaby didnt eat lots of sweets anyway...maybe in the near future he will have enough money to feed wallaby and him in a right way. They both went silent for another minutes, Out of topics to discuss. Wallaby was thinking about something, he looked at his dad once more to ask a new question, a lot More serious this time... " dad?.." " yes wallaby? " "I....today when we were leavin the pawk.....I saw lotta kids standing next to a....woman....evewy kid have their own woman! The women were holdin their childwen hands just wike ya do to me...and the kids all tawk about their day with them just like I do now...the women seems to be with them...evewyday and evewywhere...like they are with them evewy second!...dad do I....do I.....do I have a woman who take cawe of me wike all those kids do?....."

Mason stopped walking.

He felt his chest starting to ache.

He didnt expect that one day wallaby will wonder why he have no mother like the other kids.

That he will start missing her....

he have no idea what to tell his son now.....he cant just tell him that he doesnt have one....what is he going to do now.....how can he tell his son the cold bitter truth....he cant...he is even so young to know about it...what is he going to do...

" Dad?...." ...wallaby was scared about his dad sudden hush...did he make him mad? he started to get worried now.... "...wallaby........I......" mason was out of words....he moved his head to the side... avoiding eye contacts with his son, looking at the ground shamfully...his eyes no longer have any shine or bright when he hears the gladness in his son voice whenever he talks about about a joyful thing he tried, or when he achieved any small victory. Mason finally gave up, he couldnt ignore his son like this any longer, he need to say something to wallaby.... mason toke a deep sigh...returning his head to look at his little boy who is laying in his arms, wallaby didnt look cheerful as he was a minute ago...he was looking to his side, with a frown in his little mouth, the dirt blush on his cheeks wasnt as red as when he is talking gaily with his adorable puffy cheeks, but they werent puffy anymore...the boy flatcap was going to fall down from his head soon, funny how he can keep it still on his head while running and jumping everywhere all day, wallaby didnt feel really ok at this point...

Mason looked with a grievous look at him before beggining to speak..... "wallaby...listen to me... " his voice was heavy with shame, the same way his guilt wheighed down upon his shoulders, that made his son look at him in the face again, but the expressions still the same. " my little sunshine......you do....you do have a woman like them too...this woman is called...a mother...the mom is the person who brought the life to her children...toke care of them from childhood until adulthood, she is always there to share with her children the laughs, smiles and their happiest moments, always there to comfort them in the sorrow, fear and their hardest moments, she is always the shelter from every harm, the guardian from every enemy, the key for every solution, she will always support her kids no matter what happen in any time and any place....every mom love is always with her kids forever wallaby... all the moms are great! And you should know wallaby that...you have a mom...like them all...but you wont be lonely because im here with you..."

Mason voice was soft, almost fragile, as if it and his heart would break any minute. Perhaps his heart was already broken...broken to bits from the harsh cruel world....mason was never really good with coping with the loss... The sadness flowed through his veins like a flowing river, cold and unending, deadened his mind. It was a poison to his spirit, dulling him, killing off the other emotions he felt when talking to his precious son until it was the only one that remained. He learned that anyone can be a pareng...but not anyone can be a family...He wanted very badly to tell wallaby that lucy still loves him, she still love her family...love them...love them a lot to the point that she left them.....he have no idea where she is now after she dissapeared, its been a long time, but for some reason, he cant fully let her go, she left a hole in his heart that can not be fixed, wallaby is now the only thing that still bring some life in mason dead core, he promised from the day he was left alone with the kid, that he will do everything to make sure he is living safe and sound..

The small wallaby face began to draw a pure smile again, his flatcap back in place, his hued eyes are back to their bright, he got up a bit from his dad arms. "I knew it! I knew I had one too wike them! Dad? Will I eva meet her?!" "Maybe one day sunshine....maybe one day...." mason couldnt bring himself to say no to this one...he doesnt know if wallaby will ever meet her...he may not ever find her, He hugged wallaby more tightly and began taking faster steps, this chat already broke his heart enough and he wants to get home to rest for a busy day tomorrow...good thing wallaby slept on their way home.

The next morning came as usuall, the sun rised, sent its woven strands, free and united, to flow into the sky for revealing and solidifying a new day. Mason used to wake up late, but this time he was early, today is the day, his plan is simple, go the inreview, success, and go to the job. He wasnt very content, he felt nervous, looking after every way that this can go wrong with. Last night wasnt the best for him, it made him re-think about his life with wallaby and how he is going to raise him. he was standing at the door, preparing himself to bring his legs to work straight to the place of that job, but before he can move the handle, he heard a voice behind him

" Dad?.. "

He turned around to see that his son had already woke up, standing confused there with a large jacket around him, it was so large that the jacket ends were on the floor, wiping it wherever the boy go, he looked like a child who have jacket that should be wore by only adults wrapped around him, which is the truth, wallaby always wear it to bed, using it insted of a blanket. " wallaby...uh why are you up so early dear? " " Dad whewe are ya goin? we gonna go to work now? " Mason smiled and kneeled down to put his hands on wallaby shoulders " did you know I got an intrview today? Im going to try to get a job! If i got it! We gonna have enough money to eat properly and go to school to learn! " Wallaby was happy hearing this, it made him almost jump " reawy? Yaaaaay! Wait! But dad! Ya will need ma help! " Mason smiled and ruffled wallaby messy hair " aww my little one, when you grow up you will have your own job to take care of! " When mason turned around to open the door again, wallaby voice stopped him. " but dad! Ya cawt go! " Mason looked behind once more " but why dear? " "Becawse....im gonna be so lonely without ya! " Mason was surprised a bit, wallaby stayed home by himself a lot of times, why is he going to feel lonely staying today? " But sunshine...you always stay home alone by yourself, why are you going to feel lonely today?" " Becawse...I awways hewped ya in your work...this time I wont be there to hewp ya! Ya will awways go to work without me! ya will feel alone! and i will stay more time at home and feel alone! Ya cant leave me dad! Pwease stay here with me.. " after hearing this, mason felt sad, again. He didnt know that wallaby actually felt happy working with him and that he felt so lonely when he all alond without, but he cant do anything about it. "dear...im sorry...but...I cant do anything to help that...please im doing that for you...just stay here and you will find me soon at home..." " but dad! I cant let ya go! Pwease stay! Arent ya my mama? " Whenever someone mention the word 'mom' mason never feel so good. "what?.... " " arent ya my mama? Ya awways pway with me and take cawe of me like all the mamas do! " Mason didnt know his opinion about this kind of thought. " Uh, my little boy, im not your mother...im your father.. " " but ya stiw take care of me! Like any mama! I wont let ya go dad...why dont ya stay hewe and tell me more stories about my mama! " Mason now REALLY didnt feel so good about this one...reminding him of lucy by any chance can make him lose it all...worst idea to think about..." ....wallaby...I need...to go......maybe at night... " " but dad! Pwease! " " goodbye wallaby " "Stay with me! " " Im coming back at night " "dad come on!" Mason tried to get out the house but wallaby was still following him, he cant go anywhere, he stayed standing there, listening to his son conmplains, he already know he made him late enough, almost all of wallaby suggestions was to talk about lucy, lucy lucy and only lucy, that name bring a chill to him whenever he hears it, that made him re-think about last night. A bad memory for him... no. more, About the past, oh..why did she left them? He knows the reason, but was he already the full reason? Or....did wallaby have anything to do with this? Every thought made him dig deeper and deeper in the...unwanted memeories, he cant get himself to get out of his mind and go to the inreview, all he think about now was who fault it was.

" Wallaby...I think you really need to stop now!! "

And that was the first time that mason rised his voice a little at wallaby, and honsetly, wallaby was very surprised, his dad never rised his tone like that at him before, he always talk too soft and gentle with him, so excited yo hear about his day. But now he didnt look to be in the mood to do that.

" Dad.... " " wallaby you must stay here! " " But da- " "im already late for this i need to go! " "pwease da-" "bye. "and with that mason closed the door behind him completely. leaving the house, and leaving the young child to spend another day at his home on his own. Mason was on the streets running, he felt like a lot of pressure and stress on him have been realesed when he got angry, now there is no more complaining about lucy and her absence.....but...he didnt feel alright yet...he felt.....regret....it was so heavy...he felt his heart carrying a heavy weigh...or that there are rocks in his chest...that didnt make him feel well by any chance, he tried to ignore it but it was a lot not to feel something...he felt so alone...he started getting cold...a feeling he didnt sense long ago...cause his body and heart always felt warm whenever he used to be alongside his son..but now he feels like he left him...he did...he feel like he did a mistake..he didnt mean it...he didnt mean to do that at all....he was just pressured and sad to rememeber a doleful memory...he didnt meant to hurt anyone...he wished he could go back and change something of what just happened..but now he cant, all he can do now is pass this intreview.

The night had fallen upon the land, the sky left with only a matt black canvas with no stars to be looked upon. The darkness was thick, mason path was hardly lit, if a normal person cant see good in this dark then this only made mason sight worse.  The interview went..........fine..........it wasnt what he was really looking for...and that was dissatisfied....but all what mason could care about is returning to his home and check something, rather someone....Other than the darkness and himself all that seemed to exist was the chilly wind thats harsh bite could be felt through the man skin. He could feel the hairs on his arms rise and the bite of the wind had left its mark in the form of small bumps that were tingling on his arms, but its bite was more than flesh deep. His blood ran cold through his veins and his bones were chilled. but the heat of what he was wearing did not reach his skin at all, mason know why, after what he done today he knew that today will not be a pretty day at all. The cold wind could be felt that its his inner repent, after what felt like days he saw his home, he may not see a lot good but it he could recognize his house, he stayed in the chilly wind for a few minutes, what is he going to do and say when gef back home?....

He sighed and gently opened the door, waiting to see someone in front of him when he do, to his surprise, there wasnt anyone....the house felt so quiet.....

so empty....

" Wallaby? " He called for his son, waiting for a reply, but none came. "Wallaby? " He called again. began walking around the house, maybe his son just didnt hear him..but he began to sweat.. " wallaby...?... " he searched everywhere in the house, the living room, the kitchen, the bathroom, he couldnt find him! There was only one place left...the bedroom, he ran to there, seriously hoping that wallaby is here insode the house. He entered the bedroom and turned on the lights panicking.........then sighed.......wallaby was there...sleeping on the bed that they both together share....wearing the same jacket he woke up with around him...mason smiled a little at the view. With the corner of his eyes he toke a glance of some small crayons and a drawing white paper on the ground, he went to that drawing and picked it up to see what did wallaby draw while he was out, he slowly looked into it.

It was drawn in a chidish way, with simple colors of crayons...if mason not wrong, one of the two people in it was him, having a smile on his face, next to him a smaller figure, he wasnt sure at first if thats wallaby, that figure had a colorfull hair, and a red dot to where seemed to be the nose, that figure short arms were stretched and some different colored dots where around him. Was that a clown? Why would wallaby draw his dad with a short clown next to him playing with some balls?! But suddenly it hit him..he remembered...

Wallaby previous birthday....at that day, mason only concern was to give his child a little happy party...but he couldnt even afford a cake...let alone a present...when he came back home that day all what he brought was just a red ballon, but he didnt want the birthday to just go by like that, he wanted to try and give wallaby any kind of gift, the only idea in his head was to dress as a clown and try to impress wallaby or make him laugh. He made wallaby sit on the ground and just got some random things to try and throw in the air and catch them again, which was a fail, wallaby didnt do anything, other than sitting there with a stare, when mason thought about giving up he slipped on something and fell down, that did hurt a bit, but wallaby laughed a lot! Which made mason not regret this at all and laughed with his kid "Hahahha! That was so funny dad! Why ya dressin like that? :D " " Haha...i was trying to be like a clown son! " "a clown? Oooh! So today is dressin as diffwent people day? " " Heh..I guess? " " Yaaay! Imma dress like ya dad! " Wallaby looked right and left to find something that can make him look like his dad, luckily he noticed his dad flatcap and grapped it to put it on his head " look dad! Im ya! I love my son a lot! We both get books and stare at them together! " Mason laughed because that was actually funny and true, they both cant read correctly which lead them to just stare at any book they try to read. Mason got up and put a hand on the flatcap that was on wallaby head " and this, my dear son...is my birthday gift to you...happy birthday! " Wallaby eyes looked like they were starry and he touched his dad flatcap with both his hands " wooooow!! Rewwy! Thanks dad!! " wallaby jumped on his dad giving him a tight hug, to which mason gladly gave back.

Mason now got what the drawing is talking about, in wallaby birthday party he tried to make him laugh so he can feel better...now..wallaby saw his dad was angry..and wanted him to laugh again...so he dressed as a clown and tried to make his dad smile again...just like he did to him...mason looked up the two figures to see a childish writing, its may not be written right but he tried as hard as he can to read it.

' Am srry dad u ar angre, i wont u 2 smail plz, i lov u '

Mason felt he is going to cry.

He learned it, nothing in this world can ever be above his only family. He put the drawing on a table, turned off the lights, and layed down next to wallaby, though his small son was sleeping to his side, mason hugged him from behing carefully and whispered softly.

" Im so sorry I neglected you today my precious sunshine...I wont do it again...the words wont describe how much I love you, I will be your mama and dada...and will take care of you for every moment...I am a proud dad to have you...no matter what wallaby....you will always make me proud. "

#brueklynn #wallaby wallstone #mason wallstone

[fortooate]

bio_vids_fun_Diary.odt

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I found a bird up in the power line today. Probably explains the outage last night! Big, guy probably a turkey vulture or something, weird markings tho. I dunno, birds aren’t really my thing, lol. I’ll go & get a bird book from the library when I go back, but I wanna get a look inside this thing while its still unrotten, maybe do a whole video on it! It’ll push back the antler anatomy one Ipromised the patronts but that’s okay, I can work in something abt bird bones and antler structure probably?

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Started work on the birdy. It’s skull is caved in on the back! I’m afraid to try and clean it by hand in case I lose any pieces or break it even more (don’t wanna break those big orbits!). I’ll chuck it in the beetle box, they should be hungry enough since all I had in there this week was a couple mice lol. Anyways I’m only updating now bc it’slunchtime and I wanted to eat so I washed up but I forgot I’m trying to cook more these days so I don’t have anything to do while the oven heats up. Except take obsessive notes! Gonna start on checking out the organs after I eat.

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I left everything until like 4 cause Sarah wanted to go see a movie before the tickets get expensive at night. I like Sarah but I wish she would make plans ahead of time so I could plan around them?’ Anyway thor was pretty cool, loki is hot.

Weird stuff! The beetles haven’t touched the skull and theyre all in one corner of the box? idk, I havent had them for super long so maybe theyre hibernating or its too cold. But maybe the skull is leaking something they don’t like. But they’re corpse beetles!!! grrrrrrrr

Anyway I started in on the organs and birds are so weird! I ffound like three things that look like a heart to me, Gonna have to figure it out when I cut stuff open in earnest :). There’s only one lung, too, which is weeiird. Myabe it’s a deformed vulture but like.. how would it get so big with only one big round lung? I’m gonna take pictures with the good camera.

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Pictures keep coming out like BRIGHT white :(((. I was supercareful not dropping this camera and now it goes and breaks on me anyways. I wish my youtube setup wasn’t over at Rod’s house rn so Icould maybe start filimg it with that for the video. UGH, i’m so put-upon, you guys.

Sawed open one of the long bones so I could see the cross-section (learned that from food Youtube! Thanks) and it was like, solid all the way thrugh? I don’t wanna cut the other long bones yet without having any pictures taken (the wingspan is WILD) but this is like a deformity right? Birds are hollow…

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Human skull

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The skull is human the bugs must have eaten the skin but they don’t eat feathers but there aren’t any feathers or bugs in the box there’s just a big human skull I mean it looks different but it’s got it’s a human skull what the fuck

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I tried to cut the bone in a different spot and it bent at like a perfect right angle, I dropped it and yelled. Um. And cut myself with the saw. But I picked the bone back up and it was warm and cold in like spots all over and then I tried to measure it with my ruler and it just disappeared like you know how a dandelion does it when there’s like a big breeze it just blew away

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All fo the organs went away. I ddin’t see where but they’re gone. The skull is still there I’m holding it so it doesn’t blow away. None of the blood from the cut is drying and Um. I startedcrying and that’s not drying either and it’s so salty. I’mm mostly writing this down so I dont’ like blow away and if I do someone can read this and like tell Youtube what happened so they don’t get angry and maybe put me back together and feed Duke and let him outside

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There’s one of the hearts left. It was inside the skull but it wasn’t there before. It’s not really a heart really it’s more like an apple shaped like a heart. I can see it through my eyelids.I’m not really downstairs any more but I’m not somewhere else either so I guess I’m downstairs but

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I’mnot hungry but I always wanted to try a pomegranate. And why is it shaped like a heart? I wanna look inside and see all the little red pearls and find out how many there are and what theyrefor and whther they burst of I pinch them or If I have to use my teeth or what. I wonder how big they are or if they’re all different sizes. I don’t even like fruit but I do like fig newtons so maybe this fig will taste like that.

Why did I think this was a dead bird? It’s a tree. You don’t dissect trees. Lol. Birds even don’t have two eyes, two legs, two arms, two wings, and a big circle over theirheads. That’s a tree. Maybe like a birch?

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I’m gonna eat the fruit now.

Percentage symbol.

This was unexpected. And inconvenient. And most tragic.

I am unused to writing, or to autobiography, although the fingers find their keys with proficiency. I do not seek to record my thoughts, which belong to Him foremost, but the free will of this body is inviolable. This body was human, and I cannot simply disregard the last orders of the free will that were its guide. So, I write, in order to plan, to arrange my thoughts, and to understand.

I must leverage the will in the body to contact the… The keyboard has not the symbols for what I wish to write. This displeases both myself and this body. :(.

I will leverage this body’s wish to spread information about my corpse to alert those angels who shall sing me back to home, and who shall restore to me a form suited for my mission on the Earth. This then set into motion, anything else that may become an obstacle will be lifted out of the hands that I currently wield.

The blood is gone. The tears are gone. A sheet is draped over this body. I have done what I can. My lingering corpse is that of a carrion bird, picked over by a curious child. Oh, would that the child had not died, had not eaten of me, had not touched my ribs at all. Angels should not die, for it causes tragedies like this, but perhaps it can be said that humans should die even less.

I know many eulogies in many languages, but none of them satisfy the vestiges of Soul that remain.

But ...ah. Here is one that seems appropriate.

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Please remember to like, to comment, and to subscribe. :)

#writing #fiction

[cookinguptales]

kind of non sequitur but can you tell us about your cat? It's nice to hear abt ppl's pets

That really is a non sequitur but luckily for you MY CAT IS THE BEST CAT IN THE ENTIRE WORLD, SO I WILL BE HAPPY TO TELL YOU ALL ABOUT HER.

Her name is Geist because she’s my lil ghost. Nicknames include “Little Ghost”, “Geistchen”, “Geist-Geist”, and “Stinkerbelle”. She will acknowledge any of these.

Her favorite toys are two very dilapidated toy mice that once looked like Princess Leia and Han Solo. She likes to pick them up and throw them so she can go chase after them.

She loves to sit on her cat tree and look out the window. She gets excited whenever birds land on the fire escape, though, and makes weird-ass noises.

SHE YELLS A LOT. I DON’T KNOW WHY. But I talk to her a lot so it’s potentially my fault. Her favorite time to yell is after she finishes using the litter box. She is always like HEY WORLD, I POOPED and I just don’t get the appeal.

She was a mama cat before I got her. She was given to the animal shelter when she was pregnant and they almost put her down. Fortunately, a friend of the family impulse adopted her, then rehomed Geist and all her kittens. (And...got her spayed.) So Geistchen is mine but I never actually got to meet the kittens.

She likes to be held like a baby. Sometimes she will headbutt your mouth until you kiss her head. Whenever I kiss my fingers, she headbutts them. She is the best cat even if sometimes she licks my forehead until I wake up and pet her. She even lets me kiss her tummy! ;o;

She is also a dumb brat who steals food and never drinks the right water!! Her favorite foods are bonito (which she will eat off of my takoyaki if I’m not careful) and spaghetti sauce. Which makes her ORANGE. Plus she eats paper and will not stop, which is frustrating bc my cat literally has eaten my homework. And I got her a nice lil water thing, the kind where you put the water (and ice cubes if I’m fancy) in a reservoir and it comes out in a dish?? But she always drinks out of the toilet instead!! I can’t make her stop, she’s learned to open the lid. :’(

She acts like I NEVER FEED HER even though the real issue is that she knocks all of her food out of her bowl onto the floor and then wonders why her bowl is empty. :|

I collect tsum tsums and she thinks they are all hers! So they have to live on top of a bookshelf.

She also likes to crawl into one of my closets that has a hole that opens into the ceiling? SHE LIKES TO BE CEILING CAT but it always terrifies me so that closet is kept closed at all times WITH A CHAIR IN FRONT OF IT.

She is scared of the vacuum, trash bags, thunder, and my feet when they are under the covers. I don’t know why.

Once in my old (shitty) apartment, there was a mouse. Now, I didn’t know there was a mouse. But I accidentally killed this mouse while purposefully killing fruit flies. There was a problem with them that summer, so I left an apple core out and every time they landed on it, I’d spray ‘em with spray cleaner. And they died! Buuut there was also a very poisonous apple -- that I put away from where Geist could get it, but not away from the mouse, apparently. So I wake up in the middle of the night to hear Geist yelling bloody murder. She has found the mouse’s corpse. She does not know what to do with it. She is poking it with her paw in a very bewildered and disconsolate way and YELLING A LOT and I finally had to take it from her and dispose of it. So she’s also really fucking bad at being a mouser. (Which is good, bc that mouse was probably poisonous.)

ANYWAY, TL;DR SHE’S GREAT and I post pictures of her too often on twitter but OH WELL. If you hold up a minute, I will make an imageset of my baby ghost.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #79

“there’s a man standing on top of a hill, screaming freedom for some, but all others must kneel.”

how do you typically introduce yourself in online settings? name, age, location, and i'll usually mention my passions. what do you think will bring on the end of the world? nuclear war, global warming, black hole, etc. religious armageddon of some sort. i don't even remember how the bible mentioned the world would end. do you believe in the death penalty? in VERY FEW CASES, yes. some people are just pure villainous. have you ever done role play? i think my common viewers know i'm a meerkat forum rper, but i've never done, like, real life rp. too weird for me personally. have you ever/would you ever do anal? nope and nope. what’s more important- length or width? why? i don't really care? do you talk dirty during sex? moderately. what was your first orgasm like? never had one, but i got extremely close once while being fingered but panicked so we stopped. i didn't know what was going on lmao. do you own any hair extensions from hot topic? nope. 7-11, sheetz, wawa, or starbucks? sheetz. what do you want to name your kids? daughter will 100% be alessandra, boy will be vincent, luther, or victor. do you personally know any authors? i knew a poet once, but never an author. kissed someone within a day of having a bf/gf? no, holy fuck, slow down. have you ever kept it a secret from someone that you liked them? yeah. have you ever finished an entire jaw breaker? i don't think so. is there anyone you would date on your facebook friend list? no. ever been swimming in a lake or river? lake, multiple times. first time you kissed the last person you kissed? 2012 have you ever broken someone’s heart? idk. ever had a near death experience? i guess so. i overdosed, but i wasn't heavily affected by it, honestly. i've also gotten in a mild wreck. when was the last time you held someone’s hand? some months ago when i was getting my cyst emptied; i was holding mom's. can you play guitar hero? expert, babe. who is someone you know that can play the piano well? no one. who is the best dancer you know? carmen, the older sister of my little sister's former friend. name a time you thought you were going to die? immediately after i overdosed. have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? very commonly. do you know your neighbors? nope. how do you feel about interracial couples? awesome. what restaurant do you think has the best french fries? i am honestly not certain! who’s your best guy friend? sam or girt, idk. do you like fruit roll ups? yep. what’s the worse type of weather in your opinion? hot and humid. UGH. do you have a kindle or ipad or neither? neither. growing up, did you see your cousins often? i didn't. they live many states away. around what time do you usually eat dinner? between 6-7:30 do you like carrots more if they’re raw, or cooked? i don't like carrots period. did you play with legos as a kid? nope. which bothers you more… spelling mistakes or bad grammar? bad grammar. is there a food that you love the taste of, but makes you feel sick? bananas are the prime example. love 'em, but i get heartburn that could kill a man. which did you discover first, myspace or facebook? myspace have you ever turned to drinking or smoking to solve a problem? let me clarify something here: drinking/smoking does not "solve" the problem, nor do i believe it is capable of doing so. have i turned to drinking for some relief from a problem, sure. if you HAD to get a piercing (not ears) what would you get? i want my lip repierced. what do you wish you had more knowledge about? politics. i don't understand a good 3/4 of it have you ever dealt with a divorce or parents fighting or any kind of abuse at home? divorce and parents fighting, yes. they fought so bad that just yelling became a trigger to me. do you drink more apple or orange juice? orange juice do you think relationships are hard? honestly, no. just think about it: if you truly love someone, what is so difficult about it? what is your favorite pop-tart flavor? oh my gaaaad the reeses ones. ever had the ‘birds and the bees’ talk with your parents? nope. i learned in family life. do you think you have to be skinny in order to be beautiful? NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! would you ever get gauged ears? noooo. have you ever been in a school talent show? what for? i haven't, but my best friend sang in one!! have you ever dated someone you met online? nope. are you a competitive person? nope. do you believe in aliens? i do not. do you like dancing? not really anymore... it's draining. where are you from? north carolina how much more social are you when you’re drunk? VERY if you had to be named after one of the 50 states, which would it be? dakota is tomboyish, i like that... or georgia, sounds very pretty... what’s your favorite form of exercise? swimming do you like guacamole? NO EW do you consider yourself sexually open minded? sure? how do you feel about porn? it's fucking disgusting. who was your hottest ex? jason was hot, don't care what anyone says. do you want/have kids? i want them. has anyone ever told you that they wanted to marry you? ohhhh, how funny! he's not around anymore! :D do/did you have to wear a uniform to your high school? nah. what’s your favorite flavor of iced tea? i hate tea. have you ever been to a casino? if so, which one(s)? none. do you love or hate olives? eh, neutral. have you ever visited a sex shop? nope. do you like the name cindy for a girl? nope. how many sets of keys do you have for your house? two. do you know anyone who has parkinson’s disease? don't think so. how many cousins do you have? what are their names? OH GOD TOO MANY. have you ever ridden a bicycle through a busy city? i have not. do you use instagram? how often do you post there? i do not. what’s your favorite brand of beer? never tried beer. do you like writing? how often do you write? i love writing! i do it a few times a day. what’s your favorite place to get pizza? domino's! has there ever been a fire inside your house? tell me the story. not while we inhabited it. our old house, however, burned to a crisp inside due to its new residents putting a fucking box on the stove. it was a brick house though, so the exterior was fine and it was rebuilt on the interior. have you ever had a scary encounter with a wild animal? no. how many piercings do you have? only four now... ugh. do you own any sports bras? where’d you get them from? i do not. what’s the most expensive restaurant you’ve ever eaten at? no place all that expensive, honestly. who was the last person to tell you that you were beautiful/cute/good-looking? are you attracted to that person too? chelsea called me beautiful, and she absolutely is, too! has anyone ever called you stuck-up? no. when is the next birthday in your household and whose is it? nicole's is in april. what color are your father’s eyes? brown in winter, would you rather wear a jacket or hoodie? hoodie have you ever voluntarily read the bible? i read some of it, yes. how much is gas where you live? like... $2.20 a gallon. do you have any gay friends? i do. do you like the state you live in? nope. who is your favorite person to watch on youtube? has to be a singular youtuber? then markiplier. how often would you say you take naps? once every few days. have you ever played bejeweled? that game was my mom's SHIT. it was all right. does your mom have a facebook? yes. have you ever been bitten by a rat? no. why do you not wash off your makeup on some nights? being lazy. does blueberry syrup sound good to you, right now? no. did you get lucky on prom night? sex-wise, no, but in my own opinion, i got very lucky, because we made my favorite memory. have you ever fallen for your ex’s best friend? noooo. last song you had stuck in your head? "pity party" by melanie martinez has been stuck in my head for over 24 hours lmao kill me did you ever spill something and actually cry over it? i don't know of a specific occasion, but it's possible i have, especially if i was REALLY hungry or thirsty. do you think that everyone is capable of love? i sure do not. do you believe in astrology? nope. i don't waste my time with it. if you had to wear a hat for the rest of your life, what would it be? fedora. they sexy. would you rather have a musical alarm clock or a regular one? musical!! when you were little, what was your favorite game? the "spyro the dragon" trilogy was my life. do you prefer to wrap gifts or use gift bags? gift bags are more aesthetically pleasing, imho. do you own a trenchcoat? fam i wish. are you currently in a smoking environment? yes. chelsea is allowed to smoke here. if a stranger smiles at you, do you smile back? usually, but i may feel a bit awkward. have you ever known a guy who caused a lot of drama? i sure do. have you ever taken care of a drunk friend? nope. what’s your opinion on people who go hunting for sport? i'm not entirely certain how i feel about it. now if you're hunting and actually eat what you kill, that's 100% cool, it's survival. but killing just to kill? sounds... immoral. but then again, i'm a christian and understand animals were put on the earth for humans, so idk. have you ever gone in a sauna? oh fuck that. sounds like hell to me. out of these colors, which appeals most to you: orange, blue, or green? orange do you believe in finders keepers in most situations? not at all. has anyone in your family fought in any of the wars? not to my knowledge. would you make any changes to your current bedroom? i, technically, do not have a bedroom atm bc we're in the process of moving. what animal have you always wanted as a pet but couldn’t have? meerkats, totes. having them as pets is horrible for them, and i'm pretty sure it's illegal in the u.s., too. do you own many pairs of shorts? i have none. is there a certain song you like to head bang to? surprisingly, i don't headbang. hurts my head. who was or will be the maid of honor/best man in your wedding? colleen! :D what is your favorite lunch meat?  salami, probs. do you still have your tonsils? i do. red or pink? pink! do you have a special talent? lmaoooo where were you born? rocky mount, nc do you own any clothes you wouldn’t wear in front of your mother?  no. what do you think the hardest part of surviving is?  just the pain of it. do you know anyone with a lazy eye? yep. can you remember your parents’ birthdays?  mom's, yes; dad's, no. what piercing do you like most on the opposite sex? lip. tongue is a close second, they sexy. what brand of hair dye do you prefer to use? splat, bc it actually works for my hair. are you any good at applying make up?  no, due to my tremor. are you currently wearing any hair accessories? which ones? i am not. do you like potato chips? bury me in a bag of lays pls gold or silver? gold is there an animal that creeps you out? WHALE SHARKS, slugs, certain spiders and bugs, etc... have you ever seen northern lights? i wish! do your parents smoke? dad does is your favorite animal endangered?  no how old is your best friend?  21 if there was a large spider in your room, would you stay in the room? that shit's gotta get out, no. what color is your cell phone? black do you take vitamins daily?  no what’s one thing you hate about your best friend?  she's racist. be honest: do you illegally download music? yeah. welcome to 2k17. what’s the worst crime someone can commit? rape. you’re painting your room. what color do you choose? hm. i'd really have to see how my new room's going to look, but maybe like, a coffee-colored tan. what dog breed is the cutest ever? akita inus, eeeek! are cherries delicious? ew, no. have you ever experienced a tornado? thank the actual lord jesus christ no. how about a flood? yes. my brother went outside, slid down the slide on our playset, and fucking swam in it lmao do you or have you ever owned a pair of light up shoes? sure, as a kid. what is a current goal you’re trying to achieve? obtain a job. is there something that you thought you would’ve outgrown/gotten over by now, but haven’t? definitely forum meerkat role-play. i started that in middle school ffs dude. how often do you “draw a blank” mentally? A LOT. mainly when i'm talking, which is annoying. have you ever played the sims?   the animal ones, yes.  loved 'em. is your current hair color your natural hair color?   no, but you can see my roots now. can you run a mile in under 7 minutes?   HAHAHAHAHAHAHA do you have your license?   i do not.  i'm a nervous wreck when driving. have you ever sleep walked?   i have not. where was your first job?   gamestop do you remember your second grade teacher’s name?   mrs. whitley what do you like on your sundaes?   i like nothing "on" them have you been blessed with the ability to cook and/or bake?   nope... have you gained more than 5 lbs within the past year?   ... i gained over 100.  it's fucking embarrassing.  i just found out recently the weight gain was moreso a medication i was finally taken off of rather than eating habits, though. do you want kids at some point?   i do. are you lactose intolerant?   no. do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage?   it's a personal choice.  if you want to, go for it. what is your sexual orientation?   heterosexual have you ever bought clothing online?   yes, i prefer it. do you think shakespeare is difficult to read?   not really, no. do you play solitaire in the computer?   no, dunno how. have you ever received nude pictures from someone?   no. admit it: you had a neopets account.   damn right i did, neopets was/is rad. is there a pet in the room with you right now?   miracle and maxwell are currently playing, yes. how weight conscious are you?   VERY OMG is there anyone else with you right now?   bradley, colleen's husband, is currently watching tv in here w/ me. have you ever been accused of cheating?   nope. have you ever taken a train?   i have not. is being thin really all that great?   not necessarily "thin," but slim, sure.  you're more likely to be physically healthy. have you ever been to a night club?   i haven't. does any accent annoy you?   a veeeery thick southern accent doesn't "annoy" me, but it's aggravating 'cuz i can't understand you. what’s worse: crocs or uggs?   crocs are unholy. do you feel awkward when a stranger sits next to you?   yep. do you have any taylor swift songs on your ipod?   ... i confess to "picture to burn" and "should've said no" kill me pls do you want your tongue or belly button pierced?   tongue, yes.  a belly button ring wouldn't look good on me. do you hate it when people smoke around you?   YEAH what is your blood-type?   a.  don't remember if it's positive or negative tho. are you donating your organs?   yes. do you sleep on your side, stomach or back?   side, always. have you ever been a fan of ‘n sync?   i was a '90s baby.  you know it. do you know anyone that has/had cancer?   mom had kidney cancer. were you a big jump roper back in the day?   i was.  i got to where i could jump in. has a boy/girl ever cheated on their boyfriend/girlfriend for you?   yes.  not that i wanted that to happen. do you like chinese food?   a few things, sure.  just had some last night. do long distance relationships work?   of course.  not my first choice for me personally though. how do you like your eggs?   scrambled, cheesy. mcdonald’s or burger king?   mcd's.

#survey #quiz #questions #asks #answered