#so I uh. do that real quick

[tippenfunkaport]

That viral post that's going around about how people who write "book quality" mlm fic are too "normal" to publish and have real jobs so only "weird" people publish their "shitty" fanfic is so completely out of touch with reality and I am giving a massive side eye to everyone reblogging it.

Not only is it completely, easily verifiably untrue (you cannot enter any professional writing space without tripping over a dozen grizzled scifi writers who got their start by filing off the serial numbers and publishing their Star Trek fanfic even going back decades ago??? it's a whole thing?? plus how can you look at the mlm category on Amazon right now and say with a straight face that people aren't publishing shitty Spirk and Stucky fanfic??? Oh, honey...) it's also the perfect example of this kind of sneering elitism that true artists would never sully themselves by seeking profit, they do it only for the purity of the thing that always somehow leads back to, "no one should be paid to make art, actually."

The only reason you're seeing more published fanfic right now has nothing to do with the idealistic purity of your hypothetical government employee written smut of the past vs the debased scribbles of those awful straights of today and everything to do with the fact that a) self-publishing has created a voracious readership that wants a ton of content so it's become a viable, flexible income stream for many, especially disabled people b) anyone can publish now with self-publishing tools so there are less gatekeepers and c) lockdown got a lot of people into fandom and therefore writing who never tried it before.

And if you really think there's no "shitty" published mlm and no "book-quality" m/f writing out there that started as fanfic, then you are clearly not a reader so why are you even talking about this?

#love how they manipulated people into spreading that post by making it seem like a cishet vs gay thing #when the real message is OP thinks trying to sell your writing is cringe and 'weird' and 'normal people' with jobs would never #which would of course never have flown on the fandom website #so they played into the queer shipping is purer than cishet shipping puriteen thing #and it worked! #because my god people are gullible #this is the direct pipeline that leads to AI thievery #''normal' people write for the joy of it anyway so why do you need pay? you are just greedy and 'weird'!' #'oh no this isn't about who we get to call cringe and who gets to profit from art it's about um... #(quick what's a hated m/f ship?).. oh uh 'shitty' REYLO #and not our super pure uh... (spirk is still popular right? lets throw in that avengers one too to make it seem timely) stucky!' #I'm sorry if I have no sense of humor about this but the year is 2024 and people are still way too ready to sneer #about writers trying to earn a fucking living in the shittiest timeline #and i need you to look deep into yourself and ask you why it's so important to you to tell yourself that only people writing what you like #are 'normal' with real jobs and to vilify everyone else as 'weird' and 'shitty' #for trying to make an income during a financial fucking crisis #i would say sorry for ranting about this but I'm not sorry because wtf #write whatever you want #publish whatever you want #there is no moral fucking purity in what the content is #and one thing certainly doesn't make you more 'weird' or 'normal' than the other #like there is soooo much shitty mlm that started as fanfic??? #that post is 100% OP made up some guys to get mad about and called them relyos for the clicks #writing #publishing #writblr #writeblr #i wasn't going to tag this anything but you know what fuck it I'm mad #i had like 5 more tags but tumblr cut me off which is fair 😅 #fan fiction

[turtleblogatlast]

The fact that Leo can go literally anywhere on earth to be alone with his thoughts at a single moment’s notice is something that shakes around in my head all the time. Like, portals and teleportation are amazing and convenient abilities both in and out of battle, but they could also so easily be used to run away as well.

I don’t think Leo ever would, at least not most of the time. He loves his family too much, and is too dependent on their love and attention to cut himself off so suddenly like that, but it’s a very real possibility nonetheless.

It’s a good thing Leo’s overall temper is more on the mild side and he prefers going to his room or something to complete solitude, because it really is dangerous for a kid to have the ability to isolate themselves like that at their fingertips.

#rottmnt #rise of the teenage mutant ninja turtles #rottmnt leo #rottmnt headcanons #rise leo #and like #it doesn’t even have to be on purpose either #anything could happen where Leo goes out to travel real quick somewhere and suddenly he can’t get back #sure Donnie has the trackers but trackers only do so much when the one you’re tracking is across the globe #that one short of Leo ending up trapped hanging off the Eiffel Tower all alone when he’s still new to portaling #is actually a bit terrifying when viewed through a more serious adult lens #don’t mind me just doing what I like to do best aka think about Leo and his abilities #I’m still saying tho that his abilities make running away so easily #and he’s quite good at that #even if he’s physically there his MASK lets him run away from truly processing unwanted situations or conversations #imagine Draxum telling the boys about the other hidden cities and Leo takes it upon himself to go scout them out #and he does so going around and letting his bros know of the cities he finds here and there #only to end up in one that cuts off foreign mystic energy #like imagine being suddenly cut off and alone #this ability can be SO USEFUL up until it’s cut off midway and suddenly uh oh it’s horrifying

[hi-im-kaybee]

the mech brainrot continues

#kaybee #character art #my ocs #art #mech posting #anyways a quick announcement #i don't necessarily wanna leave tumblr cos this is the biggest following i've ever built #but i also want to show my solidarity for the trans women who have been kicked off the platform #so i'll probably set up a few other accounts and slowly migrate offsite over the next few uh #months maybe? #i always do this stuff real slow #thank you all for being so rad for following me #i love each and every one of you #mwah

[wizardofgoodfortune]

Gonna go ahead and ask you #58 on your Spotify wrapped while I'm thinking about it

#58 on my top songs is mirrorball by taylor swift! this is definitely one of my fav songs from her, if not The Favorite; a vivid music video plays out in my head every time i listen to it. here's my favorite part from it, which can definitely lend itself to particular dreamling scenarios... like 1989.

And they called off the circus, burned the disco down When they sent home the horses and the rodeo clowns I'm still on that tightrope I'm still trying everything to get you laughing at me I'm still a believer but I don't know why I've never been a natural, all I do is try, try, try I'm still on that trapeze I'm still trying everything to keep you looking at me

---

When his stranger didn't show up in 1989, Hob spent the whole day waiting for him. The whole night, too. He heard the last call but stayed long after, until the bartender—Ian was his name, Hob learned at one point—had to kick him out so they could lock up. To Ian's credit, he did it with his most apologetic face.

"Sorry, Hob," Ian said as he locked up the front door of the tavern. "Feel free to come back 'round tomorrow. Promise the place'll still be here by then."

Hob, who was hovering listlessly beside him, gave him a smile. "You'll regret you said that."

Ian laughed. "I'll never regret having more regulars. God knows we need it."

Hob frowned. Right. He nearly forgot about that.

"Need a lift?" Ian offered, fishing out a different set of keys from inside his pockets. "You've drunk quite a lot."

"I'm fine, I just need to—" Hob took a deep breath, "—I need to walk it off."

Ian narrowed his eyes. "Sure? I better not read about you in the papers tomorrow."

Hob snorted. "Trust me, you won't."

With that, Hob stood in front of the tavern and watched Ian drive off, until the old man rounded a corner and disappeared.

Now that he was alone, Hob slumped down on the damp ground and leaned against the front door. They've probably replaced this door more times than he could count, along with the rest of the tavern. Century after century, Hob saw less and less of what used to be here 600 years ago: the chairs, the tables, the mugs, the godawful drinks. The closest thing to permanence this tavern had was its name, and, up until tonight, his stranger. And soon, it wouldn't even have itself.

Hob reached into his coat pocket and took out his lighter and a carton of cigarettes. As he watched London's everchanging skyline glitter above the Thames, he lit a cigarette, the orange of it glowing in the dark. He sat there, waiting, waiting, waiting. He was good at that, at waiting. All you had to have for waiting was time, and Hob had it in abundance. So he waited until the sun rose, until the streets came alive with cars and people, until Ian came back to open up.

"Oi, what happened to walking it off?!" Ian exclaimed, standing over Hob, shielding him from the noon sun. "Bloody hell. C'mon now. Up you go."

Hob let himself be corralled into the tavern's small office and be sat at the small couch that was probably meant for interviews and terminations. He drank the water and aspirin placed in front of him, and he wore the spare shirt lent to him, but he left Ian's questions unanswered.

"Y'know," Hob started as soon as Ian came back in from the bar, "I reckon I could do a good job running a tavern."

"You should be asleep," Ian said accusatorily.

Maybe he should've been. But instead, Hob was sitting upright, wide awake. "I've been in countless taverns, just like this," he continued, "and I reckon I could make a great one. It would be so great that people from all over the world would come to eat and drink there, and say, 'Hey look, it's Hob's tavern, the greatest one around!' And d'you know what the best part about it would be?"

Ian sighed and leaned on his desk. "What?"

"It would be so great that they'd never close it down. They wouldn't be able to. Everyone would rally around it, even the council. And it'd be there for, for centuries. No, millennia. No, forever."

Ian shook his head, smiling. "A beautiful dream."

"A dream?" Hob scrunched his eyebrows. "You don't believe me?"

"Hob, this tavern has been here for centuries. That's a pretty good run, I'd say. Before that, it might've been something else, like a house, or a barn, or something. And before that, it was probably an empty plot of land, or maybe it was full of trees. Maybe bloody dinosaurs lived and died here. Or maybe it was underwater, I dunno. But I'm getting away from the point," Ian said, scratching his scraggly beard. "The point is: things change. That's life."

Suddenly, Hob was reminded of that night a hundred years ago, how his stranger detested the implication that he changed, that he grew to be lonely, lonely enough to seek out companionship. Hob's companionship. Obviously he detested the implication enough to not show up yesterday. But maybe, just maybe, his stranger will show up again today or the next day, just to prove a point, just to say he didn't need him to be his friend, and to say goodbye for the last time. Surely his stranger's not cruel enough to not show up at all, right?

"I, I know, but I can't let this place change, at least not yet," Hob said. His desperation must've plain on his face from the way Ian smiled sadly at him.

"And why's that?"

"My friend and I," Hob paused, thinking about what to say, "this place is important to us."

"You can always find another place."

"He won't," Hob said, voice breaking, "he won't be able to find me."

"How sure are you that he won't?"

Hob put his head into his hands. "I'm sure."

"You don't have his number?"

Hob shook his head.

Ian sighed. "Well, like I said last night, you'll need a lot of money to—"

"I have the money," Hob blurted out.

"What's that?"

"I," Hob repeated, raising his head in realization, "I have the money."

Ian only looked at him.

"I can, I can keep this place alive until he comes back."

Ian regarded him wordlessly for a few more seconds, then said, "I appreciate the thought, I do, but I reckon you can just establish a new one and it'll be less expensive. You can always, I dunno, put up some signs. 'This way to the new tavern' or something. Then when your friend comes around, they'll just read your sign and go to the new tavern."

Hob stared at Ian, mouth hanging open. Then he laughed, feeling a sleep-deprived lightness in his chest. He stood up and held Ian by his shoulders, still smiling. "Ian, you're a genius."

Ian chuckled heartily. "I try."

"And you're a hired genius."

"Pardon?"

"I'll need a bartender for the new tavern," Hob said, grinning.

Ian scoffed in disbelief, but he was smiling. "And what'll you name it?"

Hob thought for a second, then settled on: "The New Tavern."

Ian chortled. "You need sleep. Dearly."

---

send me a number and i'll write something based on the corresponding song in my spotify wrapped!

#dreamling #* #*my fic #warning i did not proofread this so uh... sorry in advance. i just realized it's 3:46 am and i probs need to go sleep #btw the bartender doesn't actually have a name so i used his actor's name LMFAOOO #thank you for sending in a number even before i reblogged the post TJ!!! #AND for finding the post in the first place!!! i hope this is a good enough offering in return for the beautiful folktale you wrote #EVERYONE GO TO TJ'S BLOG AND FIND THAT FOLKTALE IT'S A WORK OF ART!!!! #this could be more but i reminded myself that i'm doing this For Fun (tm) and not for it to be structurally good #because that can get real stressful real quick... #(pointedly looking away from my sad dads au which is 60k words and counting...)

[creatively-cosmic]

Lost trainers.

The resident text over the doodles on the second page:

silvers only pkmn is a feraligator whose health is failing. he released and gave his others away in his grief and regret.

followed by (gold) unown

visible eyebags. struggles to sleep and cant rest well when he does because of nightmares (prophetic visions :x)

carries my (golds) backpack

generally a recluse. bro cannot make friends

#body horror #mouth horror #lost silver #We played through Re: Lost Silver last night. This is our take on the uh. Big three in the game. #We're still puzzling through in our mind what our version of the story is like. I do consider Re to be something of a definitive version. #So it's based in that. We're just still... Figuring it out. #I'm not really interested in tagging this properly. Still okay to reblog if you want of course. #I know uh. Silver maybe... Doesn't seem much like. Himself. It's something about learning to care and love #Then losing your one real friend just like that. It... Changes you. Hurts. Especially when you don't know what happened. #So I guess that's the main thing. Is what became of Silver after Golds death. #The first one also has a quick Tarnished Gold Silver design. that's unrelated though.

[prismit]

also on the topic of infinite craft, here's my favorite discoveries :)

funny/interesting stuff on the left, "how tf am i the first person to get this" stuff on the right

#ghost town... 2! #infinite craft #somehow i'm the first person to get the littles. shoutout to the g/t community in which i do not participate and only lurk. ily #anyways there's probably more but idk if there's a way to filter for first discoveries and i have. so many things. too many #i also accidentally broke the search function by messing up with a utility browser addon for this game so uh #gonna have to try to find a way to fix that lol but it'll most likely require making a backup and resetting #which i assume will clear the first discovery indicators. so i'm just immortalizing my favorites real quick!

[scoliosisgoblin]

wips

#yb is extra bald here #also a quick doodle of Jay because uh.. idk #I just wanted to draw him okay #he's real easy to draw so yk #my art #wips #your boyfriend game #void #your boyfriend peter #peter dunbar #doing these for asks btw #yb peter

[mythvoiced]

-. FORTUNATELY i'm alive, work's been keeping me busy & tired but i shall see to it that i RETURN~ i opened this text post and realized i've completely forgotten how to be on tumblr, how--

unfortunately for all of us, my brain has been trying to concoct a New Guy, and unfortunately he's gay and annoying? and unfortunately he has such a nasty personality as defense mechanism and unfortunately he can't even be loved into healing because if you're mean to him he's 'hehe i was RIGHT then' and if you're nice to him he's 'don't you fucking try to scam me i'm not stupid' so he's hopeless and my little princess~

#;ooc #;psa #just felt like dropping a post in real quick A FEW IMPORTANT NOTES #MOON PRINCE MIN-- NOBODY MOVE I'M SORRY IT'S NO LONGER THE SOLAR ECLIPSE BUT I ADORE IT I'LL GET TO IT #IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY IT'S AMI DAY #fERRE Ferre i adore you i'm nibbling at your asks #ANNABEL ANNABEL stop making wenzhe swoon he's gonna do a webtoon pass out oH NO #UH... my brain fried on the way to this last tag lmao bare with me summer starts crawling in and len's outta commission #my lil guy's name is June as of now and i am Putting him in Situations in my head #ANYWAYS THAT'S ALL DID YOU KNOW IT'S AMI DAY GOSH I LOVE AMI DAY SO MUCH DAMN IT #oh also unfortunately i got into al.i.e.n s.ta.ge just in time to be punched in the face hehe~ the flashback scenes get me the most actual-

[innalheid]

Once again I forget how much I fucking love centaurworld until I interact with it again

#the music..................unparalleled #its so. beautifully well done #as a piece of animated theatre. thats ehat i consider it at this point. #it has the Exact story beats and musical composition of a musical except stretched out into a show #and its done soso well. AND its animated. its. UGH #i want there to be a stage play so bad because it would SLAP but it would be uh. so long jdbdhdbjdbdhd #I SUPPOSE you could shorten the non song bits. i GUESS #personally id do the full. lemme check the run time real quick #like seven hours #id both go to AND be in a musical that length. thats nothing. its worth it #i promise. #.......maybe i also just miss being in musicals 😓😮‍💨 #okay my cat is forcing me to cuddle no more centaurworld propaganda

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

#bc like. i'm getting by just fine. i don't have anything to be reasonably worried about #but also when i was a kid my father would break down my mother's paycheck and basically explain how broke we were #and that May Have Affected Me Somewhat #as well as just. the way you consistently see the advice to just save! don't get takeout! necessities! and i'm not intent on living like #a monk nor am i intent on being on that grindset for financial gain #it's like i don't intrinsically care but i have so many messages given to me about how i need to care a lot and it puts me in a weird spot #i am simultaneously standing still and moving at mach speeds #i mean right now i just need a safety net while in between jobs; after that i need to save up to move out of state bc the uh #political situation and upcoming presidential election don't seem very sustainable for someone like me anymore #they weren't to begin with but i don't wanna stick around to see how bad it's gonna get #but it's like. okay and then what? save for what? going back to school i guess? idk #i feel like i keep asking myself what i'm trying to accomplish and keep trying to force myself to have answers #here and now when i have to be okay with taking things one step at a time instead of having everything here and now #it's simultaneously fine and terrible and i am holding two conflicting yet equal truths #i feel i may have a clearer head once i leave my current job. i'm trying to look but nothing feels appealing given how #burnt out i already feel. i dread going back into my workplace and i fear it's showing to the patients and i don't want that #i want a month off to rediscover who i am as a person outside of getting yelled at in retail and then pick something back up #could be feasible. genuinely could be. i need to sort out the health insurance aspect but. that's lowkey the plan? #to construct a financial safety net and then slam on the breaks for a while; see if i can strike up a deal with the staff about me #coming in for specific tasks bc we already know i'm quick and efficient with the inventory so i do have a little leverage #you know what. this is getting some of it off my chest and i'm starting to feel confident again lmao #i won't be doing weekends starting either next week or the week after so that's a start! i just think i want everything done right now #bc i'm afraid i won't have the chance again but i will. i definitely will #i just need to let myself get to that point; it's just the immense drain from the register work and the Everything that comes with retail #also having to accept that it's okay to leave this; there's not something wrong with me like. ''not being able to handle it'' or w/e #no mindfulness or detachment could've saved me; it was shit and i'm hitting the bricks and that's all there is to it #i've been thinking a lot about it all lately bc it's what's most prominent in my life rn of course #idk. pondering. introspecting. as i am wont to do #anyways if you've read all this you're a real mvp and i am kissing you on the hand #shai speaks

[imwritesometimes]

So like.... what if I had many ideas for cake decorating? And what if I just bought some stuff to make some cute cupcakes? And this cake idea I have had knocking around in my head? And what if I actually tried?

#sooooo here's the thing. I've tried to make stuff (not food) on my own before and sell it #I had an etsy... it didn't uh. go well. #and so. because of past. tanking flaming failures. I am apprehension to try anything ever again. ever. #and then I talked to a financial clown dick last year (mandatory) and he shut down baking real quick #and I think he thought I meant like. full blown bakery space. which like. no. no thanks. #I just wanna make stuff in my house and basically do like? cake commissions? #like hey heres the cakes/cupcakes/candies/etc I offer I have x amount of slots open for the month put orders in a week in advance! #and like. I've THOUGHT abt this. I have thought abt what I'd offer. seasonal menus. like. I've REALLY thought abt it. #and my tax preparer was like financial clown dick is a clown dick there is some money to be made baking #and like because I have extreme like FOCUS ON THIS THING NOW!!! WOOO!!! FULL SPEED AHEAD WITH THIS THING!!! #syndrome #all I've been able to think abt now is decorating cakes & cupcakes #I ordered some stuff. I HOPE HOPE HOPE it arrives in one piece pls god 🤞🤞🤞 #gonna make some stuff and see how it turns out #I have a LOT of things I could make though not JUST cake/cupcakes #so idk I'd love to get paid to make desserts & candies. even if it was just like not a TON of profit but some extra cash #to pay bills. maybe have a lil fun money. #gahhhh I'm really in my head abt this and I'm also SO sleepy I'm like hysterical rn #anyway. venting abt it here cause I don't wanna jinx it speaking abt it irl (anxiety is so much fun 🙃) #erin explains it all

[voids-cave]

Lethanfield about to kill me right now like what the fuck

I cannot even begin to explain 😭 the utter fuckery happening here, i know crumb is all silley with this ship but DOES IT KNOW. DOES IT KNOW WHAT IT JUST CREATED

I rlly like the idea for my own nefarious reasons tho . :] (IS GOING TO IGNORE EVERYTHING AND JUST THINK OF THEM ACTUALLY JUST HAPPY)

#putting leon and chris together is already playing with toxic chemicals you add water into it and it might actually explode #the actual telenovela type shit that is gonna happen here #honestly its all chris' fault that this ship is like actually a bomb but i am too sleepy to explain why that is #ethan and leon actually balance themselves out so well its like actually perfectly balanced #ethanfield is um. alright. with my knowledge of chris which i have done quite a lot and knowlegde of ethan i can say #uh oh. chris has too much power over ethan and not in a chris will misuse his power. (HE DID RE8 COUGH COUGH) #but just. that alone feels so... shaky. i feel this relationship is so likely to crumble because of . just miscommunication #WHICH IT DID BTW #and i feel like leon being thrown into the mix i wanna say theyre all working thru ethans case together and they all fall for each other #it just. doesn't. work anymore now its just going to end up in disaster #i know they will all do the best they can. but. my autistic senses are alarmed #its gonna end badly because of the field of work they are in no actual like stupid relationship thing i don't think #i feel like ethan can deal with 1 emotionally unstable man but 2'?! yeah no he is gonna notice real quick that. they need therapy NOT HIM

[rystiel]

my first ever barbie phase at the age of 22

#i have a crush on ryan gosling. i get it now #anyway #lowkey feel like i didn’t do barbie justice here #i might go back and change her but i’ve lost drawing motivation so this is it for now #barbie #barbie movie #barbie fanart #barbie movie fanart #uhmnn uh #barbie and ken #👍🏼 #my art #erieart #sorry this isn’t super awesome and good i just. wanted to draw smthn real quick since i watched it a few days ago

[bunnyb34r]

So we all walk into work and BratBoy is there and he calls all the floor people for a meeting

Well apparently like everything else NewLady didnt think that applied to HER and didnt show up

Anyway he was just giving out our tasks for the day which the team leads usually do individually when we go get our equipment but whatever dude

So he's like okay Mar you're gonna help [relative coworker] count the pallets in the steel which okay fine cool whatever

And NetflixCoworker you're gonna work grocery (of fucking course)

So the three of us go "well is NewLady here?"

Yes.

"Then what's HER job?"

Well uh we're gonna have her count the merchandise under the tables :)

And all three of us went "SHE CANT" which made him confused and we were bitching ab how all she does is refold ONE TABLE a day and just does not think she has to work anywhere else but womens and only counts the boxes there ect

And I was like "and no one touches childrens so I do that but when I get the WHOLE section done. I get more done in 4 hours than she does in 8. And womens has maybe 6 items on each table, right? I. Have. Thirty. But yet she's allowed to get away with doing ONE TABLE all day? And not helping out?"

And he was like 😧 "that's the most you've said to me in the year that I've been here" agdhhdhd like well yeah I dont like you that's why

Anyway he was like okay okay well ill talk to her and we were like BUT SHE DOESNT LISTEN THATS THE PROBLEM!

And this fucker went "why are you all yelling at me? 😥"

To which one of the few people who were still around the tables went "oh trust me that's not NetflixCoworker yelling. You'd KNOW if she was yelling"

And [RC] was like "I'm not yelling I'm telling you why we're mad" and I said "trust me this isnt me yelling." To which RC was like yeah no trust me that's not her yelling sgdggdgdgd like shes pissed but shes not PISSED bc when I get really mad I get really loud

Anyways guess how long it took NewLady to start counting? 90 minutes. We had BratBoy talk to her, NetflixCoworker yelled at her, had BratBoy tell her AGAIN, and passive aggressively bitched ab her and FINALLY this bitch starts

Like you can recover when we open motherfucker we cannot COUNT like this when we are open let's GO

#whats really funny is i was avoiding NL yesterday bc i was just not fucking having it and didnt have the patience to deal with her and RC #had said the same thing later like i tried to not talk to her today bc i knew id start screaming at her if i did dgdgdgd like we both were #like no. not today #anyway thats the second? manager to fuck around and find out just how unsettling i can be when im mad bc im normally so quiet and cheery #like this 🤗 but thats my worksona avdggdgd piss me off you're gonna find out real quick that i aint like that when you push me too far #like how passive agressive i was when (formally) Goodmanager tried to explain that BaldBastard meant i should work in all areas #and i was like mkay do me a favor? and he was like sure! and i went (very flatly/holding back my anger which unsettles people agsgdg) go #take a look at childrens. bc thats what i come in to EVERY. DAY. and im the only one to do it and the only one who will not complain ab it. #but if you guys dont want me taking care of it then fine i wont touch it #and he was like 😶 dgdgdgdgdgdh #oh and CuteButAntiMasker is coming in for two days! #BratBoy was like yeah a manager who used to work here uh dan? is coming in for a few days and we all went DANIEL??!!! #marquilla #work talk

[magebcrn]

you know the one thing that sucks about the military is that you’re so used to being on the go that when you have downtime you start to be at a loss.

#I have one more week of downtime #because i gotta get moved to another company b/c i had to get an abcess drained #so uh #having nothing to do is just #a LITTLE fucking annoying #sure i can play video games but #that shit gets old real quick #mostly b/c i'm only playing D2 but #tbh there's also feeling like i can't relate as well to non-military members #because my mindset HAS changed a lot over the last few months #and that kind of...scares me? #idk why #it feels irrational to be afraid of that but #at the same time i don't want to completely be that military mindset

[cannotgiveafuck]

My patience and emotional stability is at an all time low, like man, I haven't cried this much in a very long time. Anyway my pride stuff from target came in and i got some mcr merch on the way. A reward for my suffering. Also the new MCR song and Florence album on repeat.

#personal #which is to say i am trying to distract myself #but also have healthy emotional outlets that are self destructive #bc the more i think about my dad being in the hospital. the more ill think about him #and everything that came before this past weekend. and everything that could come with each possible outcome #which is to say i am being choked by my daddy issues and want to curl up and cease to exist #but i guess work has been sufficiently busy enough. but really my emotional fortitude is uh. bad rn #dont mind me. im putting this here bc i refuse to put it on fb #and get a bunch of sympathy replies from folks i know or used to know. or who know my face #also. i thought sitting in the room with him unconscious on the hospital bed hooked up to tubes and lines #would make it easier to talk out loud about all the shit he caused. all the fuckin issues i should def see a therapist about #but all i could do was sit there and stare at him. and think about how old and small and feeble he looked #and how age and time just fuckin sneaks up on us #and i thought id be able to say out loud all the shit his alcoholic did. how it got him here. #how he finally got his kids to visit him real quick and all it took was a heart attack #but gods. i hate the way my voice sounded so i didnt say a fuckin thing #just sat there for an hour watching him. thinking of all the stupid shit ill never tell him #and to top it off. my ma aint helping. like. i know she has her own emotional rollercoaster esp with this #but jfc she doesnt have to drag me along for the ride. #mommy issues flaring up. i need a handful of ibuprofen and week long nap for this #i meant NOT self destructive. but idk maybe speeding down the highway yelling to music is bad