#so i need to get this energy out of my system

[jinwoosungs]

{ 164 }

of gifts and curses.

jinwoo sung x fem.reader

{ i see your face with every punch i take | and every bone i break, it's all for you | and my worst pains are words i cannot say | still i will always fight on for you… }

the coppery taste of blood had come to be something jinwoo was most accustomed to.

back when he was still a level-e hunter, nearly killing himself with each and every raid that he went on, the pain and agony of the gates he was subjected to nearly made him give up-

but he held on.

not just because his sister needed him-

not just because his mother was subjected to a permanent slumber-

but because he wanted to get stronger for you, too.

you were someone that became a constant comfort for him, spending your days tending to his wounds while helping him care for jinah during the times he was away risking his life during these raids. without fail, whenever jinwoo would go on these raids (and escaping them after barely surviving)-

you would somehow always find a way to greet him from the gate’s exit.

seeing your kind smile and the way you held out your arms for him, allowing him to slump against you in a warm embrace, his scrawny arms bringing your comforting form ever so closer to him as he allowed the tears to fall.

you would remain by his side, giving him cans of his favorite brand of coffee while replenishing his energy with all of his favorite snacks. and when his injuries became too dire, you would stay up with him throughout the late hours of the night, tending to his wounds to the best of your abilities.

your stable presence and belief in him was enough to make him confess his love for you, keeping you by his side in an almost selfish manner, since he knew that with the way he was now, there wasn’t a damn thing he could offer you-

but by some stroke of luck, you never seemed to care about the things he could not offer you, still loving him unconditionally despite it all.

jinwoo believed that he had truly found a soulmate in you, and surprisingly, he found himself not minding his weak self…

you had let him slowly begin to love himself thanks to the unconditional love you held for him.

he always believed that he could never change no matter how hard he tried-

yet such self deprecating thoughts all but disappeared into thin air when he was met with the double dungeons, one that made him realize what true fear was the moment he died-

and was given a second chance at life-

reborn into something far more powerful than what he could ever imagine.

it was through his newfound identity as the system’s sole player that he was able to break out of the chains that labeled him as the weakest in the world. when he was brought to the hospital and made the mistake of ignoring the system’s first request, the punishment for not completing the task in the allotted time-

it had sent him to another world surrounded by desert sand as he was forced to survive within its borders while escaping from the beast that dwelled inside the heart of the desert.

needless to say, jinwoo didn’t ignore a single quest like that ever again.

on top of how he was literally leveling up with each quest he completed, you still remained by his side, often taking turns with jinah when it came to visiting him at the hospital.

and despite how he never told you or jinah about the truth of his resurrection, it was clear that you could tell the subtle changes his body was going through. when you visited him at the hospital one late afternoon, bringing with you the lunch you had cooked for him, you would remain strictly by his side.

as if you were glued to him, you would cling to his left arm while he ate his ramyun, looking down at you with an amused expression before asking you, “what’s wrong?”

a cute little pout would paint your gorgeous features as you merely tightened your hold on him in response. “the nurses were gossiping about you… calling you hot… and i didn’t like them checking out what’s already been mine from the start.”

feeling amused (yet filled to the brim with love and affection for you) he leans down to press a kiss against your hair, all while silently promising to not only get stronger for his family-

but for you as well.

and he could not thank the system for making him into the man that he was today.

he had grown taller.

his face had lost its prior roundness, becoming more defined while his voice seemed to deepen with a newfound confidence, losing the prior meekness it once had.

the system had given him the gift of becoming a powerful mage; a necromancer that could turn each enemy he had slain into his own, obedient soldiers.

with every battle he’s faced-

and with every bone that he breaks, filling his mouth with the taste of blood as a grueling pain courses through him-

still he fought on, just for you.

you, who had never once left his side despite the growing darkness that was beginning to seep into his veins.

you, who remained blissfully unaware at how he had killed numerous men during the times he spent within each dungeon, secretly turning those who wished to harm him into his own personal shadow soldier-

(a feat that would always be kept as a secret from you.)

and it was during his walk home back to you that he could feel the exhaustion beginning to kick in. despite how his injuries were healed, his stamina had remained the same, remaining severely low as he struggled to remain upright.

jinwoo needed to see you again.

he needed to have you in his arms before pressing your body closer to his, allowing him bask in your warmth- in your light.

for what seemed like an eternity, jinwoo finally reaches your shared apartment, unlocking it while letting out a weak, “i’m home.”

his voice was a bit broken and cracked, but he immediately silenced himself upon seeing the television screen turned on, painting your sleeping figure settled on the couch in colorful hues as the shadow soldier he had assigned to you peered up at him with glowing, purple eyes.

jinwoo winks at his soldier, raising up a finger in a gesture that was meant to convey be quiet. he tiptoes closer to where you lay against the couch, taking the remote off the coffee table before shutting off the t.v. screen.

with his heightened senses, he was able to still see your form despite the complete and utter darkness, leaning down to hold you within his embrace as he carried you (bridal style) back into your shared room.

as he worked on laying you back down in bed, you stirred in your sleep while softly whispering his name, making jinwoo smile down at you in response.

“ssssh, it’s okay. i’m here now… and i’m not going anywhere.” he reassures you before getting into bed with you, basking in the way you seemed to know where he was while you gravitated towards him. your cheek was already resting against his chest, eyes never once opening when you cuddled yourself even closer to him, greedily basking in his warmth as your chest was pressed together in response, not even leaving a millimeter of space between your two forms.

jinwoo continues to stare blankly at the ceiling, mulling over his thoughts while massaging your scalp and running his fingers through your hair. in the dead of night, where the only movements were seen with the soldiers he had placed surrounding the parameters of the bedroom, he closes his eyes while murmuring your name.

“i love you… everything that i do- it’s all for you.”

you mutter something in your sleep, making jinwoo smile when he turns around to fully embrace you, pressing you tightly against his chest as he brought his lips to your forehead. after whispering of his love and devotion to you one last time, he closes his eyes and joins you in a peaceful slumber…

{ this gift is my curse for now… }

a.n. - yellowcard’s { gifts and curses } played on my playlist and i was hit with such feels that i had to write something for jinwoo 🥹

all stories are written by rei; reposts, translations, and plagiarism are not allowed.

#sung jinwoo x reader #jinwoo sung x reader #sung jinwoo x you #jinwoo sung x you #solo leveling x reader #.stories

[17snifflesandsnzes]

Hello! I have an odd request: can you do a Booseoksoon fic where Seungkwan gets sick while filming the fighting music video. But the odd part is can you include Youngji? Like as one of the caretakers if possible if not totally fine too!

Love your fics!

Thanks for the compliment! Sorry for the long waiting time 😅! Hopefully, it lives up to the hype! Hope you enjoy~!

We Will Always Have Your Back

BSS making a comeback after nearly 6 years was definitely a huge leap of faith for Seventeen. The song “Fighting” had been absolutely perfect for them, leading all 3 of them to want to work even harder for this comeback. Which is why Seungkwan was currently heading home at exactly 12 AM after having spent the entire day recording for the EP. As he was currently sharing a dorm with Chan, Seungkwan tiptoed into the apartment only to find both Chan and Hansol awake and seated at the table. “You're back, hyung? It's pretty late…” Chan looked up from his phone, wine glass cradled in his hand and Seungkwan gave him a tired smile. “I know. I really needed to get my recording done perfectly, though.” Hansol gave him a deadpan look. “You should take better care of yourself, Seungkwan. You have to shoot the music video tomorrow, right? And here you are, out and about at 12 AM without a jacket on.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes before heading towards his room. “I'll be fine, guys. I've been through worse.” Both Chan and Hansol looked at each other skeptically as Seungkwan said that but he decided to ignore them. But just because you've been through worse doesn't mean that you won't be affected by the small things. Seungkwan definitely had to learn this the hard way.

Waking up the next morning was particularly difficult for Seungkwan. Mainly because he had a splitting headache. Cursing under his breath, Seungkwan forced himself to get out of bed. Even though his morning routine was basically muscle memory to Seungkwan, unsurprisingly, it took way longer today. When he finally dragged himself to the kitchen to get some food in his system, he found Chan already there, whistling as he made some ramen. “Morning, hyung!” Seungkwan winced at his not-so-loud-but-loud-to-him voice. “Morning.” Chan looked at him in concern at the utter lack of energy in his voice. “You okay, hyung? You sound super tired.” Seungkwan took a seat at the table and rested his head on the cool surface. “I'll be fine, Chan-ah. I'll have to be.” He heard the tell-tale sound of Chan sighing in exasperation as he placed a bowl of ramen in front of Seungkwan, but fortunately, Chan didn't say anything. After eating as much as his appetite could handle, Seungkwan was soon in his company car, driving to the music video set.

On arrival, Seungkwan was immediately swarmed by the other two members of BSS. Seokmin ruffled his hair and Soonyoung gave him a teasing look. “Oh, Seungkwanie~! How could you be late to shoot our first comeback in 6 years?!” He asked in mock-betrayal. Seungkwan rolled his eyes but there was no heat behind the action. “I got caught up in traffic, hyung! Of course I didn't want to be late!” Seungkwan pouted and Soonyoung and Seokmin laughed. “Let's get started then!” Seokmin said as he led the way to the cameras. Seungkwan braced himself for a long day. He could do this. He had to.

After about an hour into the shoot, Seungkwan had given up completely. His headache made him unable to focus on anything the director or his hyungs were saying, and he just wanted this day to end. After the first shooting was over, Seokmin approached him. “Seungkwan-ah, are you okay? You look like you barely slept last night.” Seungkwan sniffled lightly, the action causing a tickle to flare up at the back of his sinuses. He turned away from Seokmin and brought his hands up to cup his nose and mouth. “Hh'IkTChiHh!-” Seungkwan sniffled again, the sneeze having caused his nose to start running as well. When he turned towards Seokmin again, he could see the worry in his hyung's eyes. “Seungkwan-ah, are you sick?” Seungkwan shook his head, the action causing him to wince. Damn this headache. “I'll be fine, hyung. You don't have to worry.” Seokmin gave him an unconvinced look but didn't say anything.

The rest of the shooting was difficult, to say the least. Now that he'd sneezed once, it was almost impossible to hold back the tickling sensation at the back of his sinuses. After the first shoot, Seungkwan was supposed to shoot alone. Despite wanting to just curl up in bed and cry, Seungkwan tried to focus on the director's instructions. As he waited for the camera to start rolling, he felt the irritating tickle come back, and he immediately brought an arm to his face. “Ah, PD-nim, could you wait a sec…hh'IktChiHh!- hh'ItChiHh!-” Seungkwan sniffled wetly as the staff blessed him. “Seungkwan-ssi, are you ready to start now?” The director asked him kindly, and Seungkwan nodded immediately. Rubbing the bridge of his nose, Seungkwan willed himself to be alright.

Miraculously, Seungkwan survived the rest of the shoot. Well, that was until they got to the shoot with Youngji, who was featuring in their song. She was bubbly as always as she greeted both his members and patted him, slightly harshly, on the back. Seungkwan tried his best to be his normal self, but he could tell that Youngji saw right through him. Before they began with the shoot, she approached him. “Are you okay, sunbae?” Seungkwan rubbed a hand over his face, turning towards her, plastering the biggest smile on his face. “I'm fine, Youngji-yah. You don't have to worry.” Just as Youngji was about to argue, Seungkwan felt the overwhelming urge to sneeze come back, and he pinched his nose between his fingers, eyes fluttering shut. “hh'NgtChiHh!- hh'ItChiHh!-” Seungkwan blinked away the irritated tears from his eyes, and Youngji patted his arm gently. “Sunbae, I think you're sick,” She said kindly. “You need to rest.” Seungkwan rolled his eyes at the tone of her voice, which sounded so obvious. “Youngji-yah, I can't just go back home on the day of the mv shoot of our first comeback!” He said, his voice rising with irritation. At that statement, he felt someone's arm wrap around his shoulders. “But you can, Seungkwan-ah. You need to rest when you're sick. We can shoot the mv some other time, and your health is more important.” Soonyoung ruffled his hair as he said that, and Youngji nodded as hard as she could. Seungkwan sighed. “Fine. I'll rest if that's what you want.” Seokmin managed to catch his last sentence, and he joined the three of them immediately. “Finally! Let's get you back home, Seungkwan-ah.” Seungkwan nodded, feeling the tickle at the back of his sinuses flare up again. Sniffling softly, he rubbed his nose with his wrist. Unfortunately, that did nothing to hold off the intense tickle. Admitting defeat, Seungkwan cupped his nose and mouth with his hands, gasping softly. “hh'IktChiHhh!- hh'IktShUhHh!-” “Bless you.” Seokmin said softly, putting an arm around Seungkwan. Seungkwan leaned against his hyung a little, drained out by the day.

Soon enough, his hyungs brought him back to his shared dorm with Chan. Chan himself wasn't home, but he'd left some kalguksu for Seungkwan. Soonyoung laughed immediately upon seeing that. “We really do know our members best. How did he know you were sick?” Seungkwan smiled softly, making a mental note to thank Chan later. “I think he caught on that I was sick this morning. He said that I looked too tired.” Seokmin nodded thoughtfully while Soonyoung heated up the kalguksu. Seokmin and Soonyoung kept him company while he ate, and as he entered his bedroom, Seokmin pulled him into a hug. “Get well soon, Seungkwan-ah! Let's film the mv once you're better!” Seungkwan nodded against Seokmin's shoulder while Soonyoung patted his head. And as Seungkwan got into bed, he realized these really were the moments he cherished the most with the members. Because he knows they'll always have his back.

#seventeen #seventeen snz #seventeen snzfic #kpop sickfic #kpop snzfic #ksnz #idol snz #snz #snzfic #boo seungkwan #lee seokmin #dk #kwon soonyoung #hoshi #lee youngji

[skydiving-without-a-parachute]

it's one am and i'm hyperactive and i would like to ride wednesday until i tire myself out thank you

#mr wednesday #american gods #ian mcshane #i just #want him so bad #okay #and i'm hyperactive at this time of night #but i need to sleep #so i need to get this energy out of my system #so you know #i don't think wednesday would mind being used for that purpose

[pokimoko]

The fact that Main-verse Ooo is as good and as kind as it is (relative to the other universes shown so far, at least, it's obviously not perfect) all because of the same character that starts off as the OG series' antagonist, the person we were made to see as the bad guy (albeit an often ineffectual one) for several seasons, is making me lose my mind.

Imagine finding out the guy you spent your childhood beating up and saving princesses from is in fact a driving catalyst behind you being able to exist, and not only exist but also live in a world that knows what kindness is. All because that man, the same man who you've witnessed do terrible things, once met a little girl and taught her how to be good.

Simon's story really shows us that even if you lose your way and forget how it is to be good yourself, the world keeps the memory for you. That act of love Simon showed Marcy by protecting her and seeing her as more than the monster she thought herself to be created ripples upon ripples, small at first but eventually enough to help give their wreckage of a world—a world that easily could have been forsaken, its goodness overlooked because of its inhospitable remains—a chance to grow into something beautiful. Because of those very same ripples Simon created, the people of Ooo grew up in a world where they know enough about kindness that they were able and willing to spare the 'bad guy' some, to see beyond the wreckage and allow him to grow too.

In saving Marceline, Simon helped to not only to save the world, but also himself.

#fionna and cake #fionna and cake spoilers #adventure time #simon petrikov #ice king #marceline abadeer #simon and marcy #meta #this was just a phone note to get thoughts out of my system but then it came out semi-coherent #so welp guess i'm writing meta now. i'm really in the deep end now. but yeah...Ice King and Simon's story being about the power of kindness #A cruel world requires constant cruelty to be maintained. But kindness? That reaches across time. one act of kindness sparks another #'I need to save you but whose going to save me?' That act of love and compassion is gonna save you ya dingus....eventually #In a less kind world finn and Jake could have watched those tapes about Simon and still decided IK was a hopeless cause. #That he was too far gone to be saved. But they didn't. They chose to treat him nicer and actually be friends with him. #One thing i always loved about IK's story is that he didn't have to completely change himself for people around him to treat him better #They changed their perspective and were kind to him and it was THAT that helped him change. to grow beyond the 'antagonist' role #to quote my go to and all time favourite good place quote: #'the point is people improve when they get external love and support. How can we hold that against them when they don't?' #Arrgh sorry I just always loved Ice King's arc in the show. From pesky antagonist to the person Finn dived into a chaos god to save #(the world's new beginning and its near ending being all because of simon. he has such main character energy and boy does he not want it) #And now we're getting Simon stuff and I'm so normal I'm so normal I'm so normal (<- has never been normal about this character) #(i...i have many MANY drawings of ice king and simon from 2015 and the years after. i was doomed from the start. F&C was the final straw) #(as was reading marcy's secret scrapbook recently...and here i thought i'd truly reached the capacity of hurt i can feel about these two) #Going insane over these last two episodes. 'she didn't have a me'. Fionna and Simon bonding. Gumlee kiss. PETRIGROF BACKSTORY #and the implication that Simon isn't remembering it accurately? Their sweet sounding love song actually foreshadowing their issues? #I am clawing at the walls. thank you AT crew you are enriching the enclosure that is my brain

[tanzdoesthings]

having an assignment where the whole topic is “is it worth it to suffer for art” is really making me think.

#tanz talks #it’s weird. i don’t believe suffering to achieve a nebulous greatness is good. #but i actively do it anyways. i sit here and i yearn to create and get recognition #as my hands ache and i lose sleep just to try and take time back #the process of creation has a cost. and it’s very small. but it adds up. #i am pulled apart by school and then work and then go back to my place where now i need dinner too #all while being disabled. #and i just. take time i shouldn’t take and make things. #because if i wasn’t making things and actively doing that #i would probably drop out of school or something i couldn’t handle it. #it’s not worth it to suffer. the system im in makes me suffer anyways. #whatever. i need to fix some things but i need the energy to do it first. #which is a problem. #but. i keep going so. yeah.

[snixx]

life went forward and the world moved on but I never got over among us (2018)

#but no one:(( will play it:(( with me:(( #i miss amogus with my ex best friend and all her friends #she was just like me fr she loved introducing all her friends to each other its another reason i loved her so much #and why i struggled so much when my high school best friend started making friends outside of me who didnt like me #one of them even gave me this long ass lecture on KAVYA YOU DONT NEED TO BE FRIENDS WITH ALL YOUR FRIENDS' FRIENDS YOU KNOW #oh and you cAnt jUst Ask pEoPle tO bE yOuR fRiEnd (jokes on her we're friends now. kind of ive been ghosting her for a while but not the po #Int 💀) #and look i learned that. sort of. but i still struggle with it sometimes #like at least with my best friends i always wanted to know about and be involved with everyone in their lives you know #which ive realized now is not practical #but im still this hopeless romantic who wants to be friends with all my friends friends and all my friends to be friends #even if i barely have the energy for it anymore. i guess losing her drilled that in #also another thing i realized is. its good to keep your friends separate sometimes because if the chain breaks you dont lose a whole system #which wasnt even a point of consideration for me back then because like i said. hopeless romantic. why would we ever fall out #but yeah it was hard having to accept that sometimes the whole world doesnt want to be friends. and people are allowed to dislike each othe #shocking i know #anyway what am i even talking about how did i get here #girlblogging.pdf

[im-a-goat-in-disguise]

Images of despair [stellaris version]

#when you're fighting the scourge and making 700+ alloys a month but you NEED MORE #genuinely so glad I invested into a dyson sphere early on to suck the market 100% dry of alloys #pumping out ships because my life depends on it #just imagine. you're a space trader and you heard there's some invasion of bugs somewhere in the galaxy #then the strongest military you've ever seen rolls up and offers you 'any price you name' for spare metal on your ship #you laugh and say '600 energy credits and I'll give you four metal pipes!' #the military says 'deal' and immediately deposits 900 energy credits [the market price of alloys is already increasing] #anyway I'm now sitting here with a military over five times larger than my naval cap #and over four times the population I had before the war #reason: people evacuated the planets the scourge bombed #thousands of pops have settled straight into my empire even in the most dire planets #every square inch of living space is now taken up and every single job is full #every single planet has unemployment [i have an overabundance of consumer goods so I'm just giving them all free stuff] #oh and since I'm gearing the economy now towards 'well. they gotta work SOMEWHERE' [building as many commercial districts as possible] #I am spending hundreds of special resources I do not produce to keep massive company complexes running #imagine this: strange otherworldly beasts are running down your homeworld #you escape into space in a small cargo ship stuffed with people #it's barely enough to be considered a transport but it gets you far enough away to feel safe #as you are running you see the largest collection of ships in your life warp into the system #they unleash hellfire on the aliens and then neuron sweep the planet [the very ground of which got infected] #you shed a tear and look away from the window #three days later you're told you've arrived #you touch down in an extremely busy landing area #there are hundreds of thousands of people everywhere. the mood is joyous #there are screens set up in the square broadcasting the eradication of the aliens #you see people in the crowd you've never seen before. people speak in tongues you've never heard #a guide calls over to you and all the other new arrivals #apparently you weren't the first to run. you won't be the last either #this planet has more than quintoupled its population and is still recieving many people every day #luckily the government has declared they are going to be constructing massive projects to introduce new jobs

[lightblueminecraftorchid]

being sick as an adult sucks. wdym my mom won’t just automatically make sure I eat food instead of exclusively drinking Gatorade all day. wdym I have to ask my roommates to make me dinner. I have to Venmo a friend money to buy me more Gatorade?? I can’t focus enough to do homework??? I hate this.

#this is a silly haha humor post but in all seriousness. #COVID rly is just making me stare all the internalized ableism in the eye #yes worth isnt defined by productivity and disability and the idea of being a burden is part of being human and isn’t shameful at all #until I have to minorly inconvenience people to meet my basic needs #I really want to eat dinner but that would require asking my roommates to make me dinner which is just. 5 kinda of mortifying. #even though if someone I knew was sick I would not be upset about making them food! sick people need to eat! #my parents ordered me chipotle yesterday bc they were so concerned bc of how I sounded over the phone #and my friend went out and bought me juice and Gatorade and popsicles and took me to the doctor #the support system Exists I just feel bad about having to use it T-T #I just want to be hugged and read to and reminded to eat food but I am an adult now and not at home #lonely TT-TT #it’ll be okay I’m probably just emotional bc I’m sick and hungry #I also just am struggling so hard because I want to catch up on my classwork Right Now #but I can get through maybe one assignment before I’m too exhausted to keep sitting up #and I have to lay down and close my eyes and sleep or do a light activity like playing candy crush for the fifty bazillionth time #I’ve gotten through like. 100 levels this week. #I’m losing my dang marbles. I am gonna be so behind in ASL Susan is gonna be so disappointed in me #I feel like I have all this energy when I’m laying down bored but as soon as I sit up I feel like I’m floating and about to fall over #so. so tired. why can’t I be healthy already and do homework T-T. #I’m choosing to take this as a lesson to slow down and not overwork myself so hard. instead of being mad at myself for getting behind. #<- is trying and failing not to be mad at herself for getting behind

[kellystar321]

.

#periodical life updates #(<- NUMBER 3!!!) I FINISHED THE ANIMATION AND EVERYTHING FOR THAT PROJECT AND SENT IT OFF! super excited!! #it looks really cute! i tried my best and im mostly satisfied of where i landed <33 #it's my little sibling's birthday today!! it's also the first official meeting of lgbt club!! (the other event was a fun lgbt mixer) #my backpack smells bad. like mildew or mold maybe? urgh its awful and gives me a headache. i might need a new one. i dont know. urghhh. #my programming homework is due today!! yike!! but other than that my personal projects with deadlines are all done! #INIQUITY NOW THAT YOU HAVE TIME ARE YOU FINALLY GONNA WORK ON YOUR SELF SHIP BLOG?? YES!! HOPEFULLY!! #truthfully i /have/ been working on it on the side. it looks decent but the colors;;; i have always been pretty sht at color picking? #i can adjust with filters but without that im like. a little not good yet lmao. gotta do some studies sometime perhaps #BUT YAY EXCITED!! ive got some rambles and doodles and a tag system and f/o info which is extremely cumbersome (affectionate)!! #also i have new fandom ocs for the latest dimension 20 campaign and im so delighted heho <33 this campaign is literally so fun. #im watching it with my sibling when its done!! OOH ALSO I FIGURED OUT HOW TO PNGTUBE AND i will likely never use it BUT COOL!! #i dont like. talk. lmao. my art streams are 1) silent 2) rare 3) only shared with my siblings. pngtuber is a little useless. but CUTE!! #i got boba tea yesterday!! sandy bought it :3 <3 and we're having pho and cheesecake later and i might plan out a little excursion today? #like i might get a treatsie. OR i'll just sit on campus as usual and get a mango smoothie and draw for a while (or work on homework.) #(lets be honest its likely the former. i might get a little back into traditional? ooh or maybe i'll practice my asl?) HEY THOUGH. #ive been thinking about making a henrey stickmn (ask)blog to practice asl? like. no plot. just henry teaching ellie and charles asl #really funny considering my Real concept of an askblog for THSC. not ace or eca; but a secret third thing (⛎) ;) #then again since when have i EVER followed through on an askblog lmao?? damb im all over the place today. we're already hitting tag limit #okay!! 3 AM!! if im going early tomorrow i gotta eep! goodnight everyone i love you!! see you tomorrow if i have the energy and time!!

[disengaged]

alright anorexia is boring, let’s get yolked

#yeah so i gained 20lbs and started hitting the gym pretty hard two months ago #struggling with weight restoration/relapse urges worse than ever BUT i’m also feeling good about my progress and enjoying myself immensely #honestly didn’t realize how bad i missed lifting #and now that i have time off work i can actually focus on getting my nutrition right (i.e. actually consuming enough protein for once) #pegasus speaks #my face #my ancient ipod camera is shit quality but my abs are starting to show for the first time in like … 1.5 years lol #and im pleased with my anterior/lateral delts! although my pecs need some serious work. wtf #i train chest 2-3x/week and i can still see bones fml #ed ment tw #weight tw #ask to tag #i feel like i’m kind of relearning all my limits. like in terms of physical/mental energy and stuff. idk #doing a lot of research and figuring it out as i go. trying to avoid falling into systemic fatigue etc #as much as i love the gym i do have to compensate in other areas of my life #if i want to push myself this hard then that’s my choice. but like. i need to give up on doing other things. give and take. spoon theory #etc etc etc

[ozlices]

i have to make appointments & also let my doctor know id rather continue one of the new meds she put me on bc it actually helped but ive been completely unmedicated for 2 fucking days & the thought of doing Anything makes me wanna throw up im so over being a person

#mine #i rly do not have it in me to make appointments dawg i have medical trauma can i get used to one new doctor #before im tossed around like a gd hot potato to numerous others. i literally attend my appointments w my cane #what's not clicking abt me having VERY fucking low energy in the aftermath of sm straining stress bruh #but like i dont have a choice bc i could have some of my meds stopped if i dont see certain doctors & im just here like 🫠 #i feel somewhat stupid like damn i rly thought finally i had a chill doctor w common sense but no i still gotta fight for my gd life #just be given say over MY OWN GODDAMN WELLBEING #'oh well this causes physical health concerns' to be completely blunt idfc anymore. #truly i fucking do not #my body is a fucking nightmare my entire system resents at this point bc we always have some lvl of bs going on w it #we've no choice but to stop fucking caring bc the numerous mental strains we're dealing w worsen them ON THEIR OWN #& also like literally fuck off bc my body wouldn't be this shit if doctors actually TOOK CARE OF ME PROPERLY #before it got this bad. #there's no fucking fixing shit now by worsening my already overwhelmed & strained body/mind by making me a gd hot potato #if im not Actively Perishing or on the immediate brink of the risk IDC #I NEED TO FUCKING BE ALLOWED TO //CHILL THE EVER LOVING FUCK OUT// #//that// SHOULD BE THE PRIORITU #ive been strained for YEARS but esp since last year to a CONSTANT degree #can i fucking get one GODDAMN foot on the ground to pick myself back up jfc #im so tired & annoyed & sick of there always being SOMETHING #i just wanna fucking chill & finish my preps to stream again & get back to pursuing what i love please #im gonna LOSE MY MIND

[batfossil-fr]

I have another skin I've been wanting to get some progress on and then I remembered that I haven’t streamed in one million billion years. if people are interested in a jank little ipad stream (oh god I’ll have to figure out if that’s even possible) maybe I’ll try my hand again at streaming my art. no promises I’m still trying to crawl my way out of Only Making 2 Pieces of Art Per Year so I cannot guarantee when the mood will strike me

#unfortunately it has been a Bad Time. i had all these hopes to start up a non FR blog and was going to!!! but I'm so dead. #I hope I'll be able to do it soon because I really want to! it just requires energy of which I have none right now #I have an insane amount of worldbuilding shoved in my head and it would be fun to share #like I will go insane with worldbuilding if I'm left to my own devices. I was trying to make a new chromosome system the other day. #I once tried to figure out orbital mechanics to make a planet system. I am an evolutionary biologist. I know fuck all about orbital mechanic #s #god help me because I started thinking about weather patterns recently #anyways #really the most part is I just gotta get over the mental hurdle of ahhhhh sharing scary #sharing stuff here has me sweating sometimes LOL #just because Ahhhhhhh People Can Perceive Me and My Art #plus streaming is like Get Perceived Idiot and I think that I need to practice that #anyways welcome to my TED talk. #who cares!!!!!!!!!! @ ME Get This Through Your Head. #also I know I'm the king of ok I will try my best to make this happen! and then not making it happen but I did not forget. #I have ALWAYS wanted to make an art blog since I was like 12 and learned what those are. but 11 years later I'm still too chicken to do it #SO. I'm working on it #I am biting the bullet and forcing myself to start posting shit. eventually. soon #if you want to get the jump on it my tumblr is actually already made I'm just sitting on it and letting it haunt my brain #it's rewormer. just rewormer #because I will be posting about worms. many many worms. I love them. they are my brain rolled out into a worm shape. #MY brainworms. no dewormer allowed <3 #my interest in worms went from 'I love looking at sandworm concepts I should make one sometime' to #'ok I finally made my own sandworm and they are so incredibly self indulgent that I can think of nothing else now.' #speculative biology my beloved at this point I do my little biology thing and then come home and immediately try to apply all of those ideas #anyways holy shit if you read all of this. I give you a sticker #but I just wish I had the energy to do all this. I'm hoping it changes soon because I do really want it! very badly! I just am not there yet #unfortunately things have been Bad and I have not been doing Well and life kinda derailed and then the train fell into a lake. #and I am still sitting in the water being like aww shit my train. but I'm hoping to call Train AAA soon #holy shit I hit the tag limit okay bye for real

[karmaphone]

90000% of me quitting my therapist is because of three reasons: trying to force a patient to be happy (especially a patient who comes from a broken home and whose issues largely stem from forcing themselves to be or appear to be happy) despite the fact that they're living in a bad situation and have no control over their life, and because she kept blaming my problems on astrology or my astral body or what might have happened to my grandmother or my mother in the womb instead of listening to what I was saying about my situation, and also blaming my disabilities on my trauma/astral body like sorry but my joint pain & exhaustion come from the fact that they're constantly dislocating not because I haven't processed whatever trauma happened to me in the womb disjdbskdbfsjsnd

#was talking to someone for an hour about my problems nice? yes #but not nice enough to pay a hundred dollars a session for when we have no money #I'd start getting into an issue and she'd interrupt and lead me down a weird rabbit hole when I just wanted to talk about how like #my MIL makes my world smaller by constantly being on the couch and she'd try to have me be like 'wau maybe I can use Astral Energy to #fill up my Energy Meter because I'm disabled and don't fucking have any' #like how is my mom getting heat exhaustion when she was five months pregnant with me more relevant than how often my time loss blackouts are #literally the only thing I got out of MONTHS of sessions with her is to chill the fuck out abt what my brain and other parts are doing #'ohhhhhh so you can't change anything about your situation? sounds like you need to CHOOSE to be happy :)' like Satya I've been on lexapro #since I was like 15 if I could just fucking choose to be happy instead of a depressed fuck then I would #also?? I'm not the kind of system where I can pick and choose who gets to be out! I don't have a gatekeeper! I can't just magically decide #that the 'happier' parts of me can get called to front or whatever I literally have no control over that what the fuck #like yeah I know I mentioned ONE TIME that I had a younger part who's happy but I also told you THEYRE NOT AROUND OFTEN & I CANT SUMMON THEM #THERE NOT INDEX CARDS I CAN PULL FROM A BOX ITS MY BRAIN HITTING SHUFFLE WHEN SOMETHING STRESSFUL HAPPENS

[yujikuna]

i am fighting for my life as a jjk fan and i swear to god if i see ONE MORE domain expansion in this fight i will really truly lose my mind. grow up and just punch each other to death with your fists im so tired.

#why did we need 4 chapters of ‘omg domain expansion omg ANOTHER domain expansion omg whose domain expansion will win this time’ i’m tired ok #sorry to sound like a HATER #honestly i’m glad skna pulled out mahoraga like i’m going to be so honest i have several feelings about how this fight has been 20% fight #and 80% the people spectating explaining what’s happening #like don’t get me wrong i LOVE the curse system and learning ab it and cursed energy and ct but like come on #this is like my least favorite way to learn about it #ANYWAY

[jtownraindancer]

my new boss is apparently a hugger, bought me my favorite tea, and just spent a half hour in here actually talking to me. i’m so used to the aloofness of my old boss that all this socialisation is almost overwhelming.

#top this off with one of my coworkers signing off an email with 'love you!' this morning and i'm a Mess #i'm too introverted for thisssss #the old boss thought i never spoke; this one is learning that if you get me on the right topic i never shut up #we spent a sold 10 minutes just discussing the teaching methodology between our boys' versus girls' programme #and then the rest of the time we're sitting there rambling about our adventures and how each city has a different scent #i actually really /like/ him and i feel like there's a chance i may actually get to /do more/ with him as a supervisor #i do so little at this job; there's a reason i'm always fucking around on tumblr #he definitely wants me to take on more duties and i am so down for it; we just have to get some more ducks in a row #this post is pointless i just needed to get the excess energy out of my system #hello friends! #shut up ace #delete later #<- not that we ever doooo

[dagasinfilo]

idk if it’s adhd or some other brain thing or what the fuck it is but my mind literally feels like a prison and i do not know what else to do to break out <3

#like i swear to fuck i am losing all hope. #this shit is bad enough without feeling like i need to defend myself every time i step a foot into the hospital! #why won’t my doctors just believe me lol! #is it really so so hard to say ‘ok let’s pretend you’re right for a moment. let’s try this out’ #why would you as a professional withdraw a tool from me that is known to help people in my place just because you don’t feel like it #at least give me a valid reason la concha de la lora. #i think if i don’t get derived next time i go to the psych im gonna be like. okay. i stopped clonazepam entirely already. #i halved my antidepressant because it was making me feel like way more shit. i am not anymore on ‘too many drugs’ #and am perfectly willing to just drop the ssri in favor of a low dose stimulant #if that doesn’t work then. i just see no point in trying to get treatment within the public healthcare system #it’s just wasting both my mental and physical energy while i just keep getting worse #silver lining is my friend might be able to find me someone who can assess me (his mom is a psychopedagogist and has contacts) #so i’m just. crossing my fingers for that at this point #cause it does feel like the only possible way out