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bearw-me · 2 days

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Post-extermination!Lute x fem reader? Where lute is trying to show that she's still good/strong enough for reader and she can still be independent. Along with reader comforting Lute about how she's still perfect for her. (Details and examples below bc i enjoy rambling sorry)

I imagine that after loosing her arm lute would be very showy about overcompensating for it. And that if reader even tried to treat her bit differently, like being more SLIGHTLY gentle/careful with her, lute would get offended tell her to knock it off.

Lute's a strong woman, pre-extermination her carried reader alllll the time. Post-extermination Lute would most certainly still try too (and surprisingly succeeds somehow) despite the reader's worries of being dropped or being too heavy for 1 arm.

This ranges from trying to hold all the groceries alone to trying to prove she's still good in the bedroom by not allowing the reader to help (like she'd literally tell reader to let her do it alone)

I hope you have a wonderful day!!!

dont apologize for requesting! i adore long requests! they have all the little details for the prompt included that make the story just- *chefs kiss*

𝐈 𝐂𝐚𝐧 𝐒𝐭𝐢𝐥𝐥 𝐃𝐨 𝐈𝐭 — 𝐋𝐮𝐭𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

𐐒 includes : post-extermination!lute x fem!reader 𐐒 cw : fluff, angst, hurt/comfort, mention of blood/stitches/wounds 𐐒 summary : lute's adjusting to life after extermination day, and as her girlfriend, you hope to make it easier on her 𐐒 note : i don't even know what to call my rambling anymore lol, love it

like we all saw at the end of the season, lute is full or rage- and a little hurt

the loss of her arm, initially, didn't hurt as much as losing her best friend

it takes longer for her to heal and accept the sudden turn of events

she doesn't want it to stop her or hold her back, especially from her relationship with you (especially with the loss of adam) she'd want to hold on tight to you

(like in the ask) Lute isn't one to just be beaten down by this, its a challenge she's going to fking overcome-by herself

likes to do things for YOU instead of the other way around, like if you want a snack or something she won't even let you stand up (let alone THINK) about grabbing it yourself

definitely wouldn't tell you about how she feels unless its too much, but you can see it in her; the way she's sluggish or looking down more often.

(although im not sure atm) I assume Lute is right-handed; without the left, things can get a bit trivial at times

like when you watch her try to balance her long spear with one arm, the weight of the steel trembling between her fingers. the muscles in her arms not used to carrying the entire weight by itself

Lute carrying you with one arm: she tries like how she used to, by putting an arm under your arms to support your back-but stops when she realizes she cant pick you up bridal style

I think she could manage holding you that way, around your back if you also hold onto her by wrapping your arms around her shoulders

(on this note) you being so close to her face is the perfect opportunity for her to kiss you

Hugging her from the back is not happening- her wings and all. . .

If you tried to help her take care of her arm too; bandaging it or cleaning it; she'd refuse all help and lock herself in the bathroom until she's handled it herself

(you can hear a ton of mumbled swearing and things knocking around)

its not a you thing, its a her thing; she needs to prove to herself that she can do it

Lute would hate all the flowers the other exterminators would get her; to the point she wouldn't even acknowledge the roses you placed on her nightstand

she's too stubborn to ever say it, but she's thankful you're still with her: Lute giving you soft kisses when she thinks your asleep, whispering all the 'thank you's' she doesn't think she could ever say to you awake

The loss of her arm pushes her to work harder, especially on the arm she still has in order to compensate for what happened

Technically, the hell-spawn didn't take her arm, but they still took a lot from her- she doesn't want that to mean they could take you from her too

You bet your ass the day will come where she picks up that spear again, better than fucking ever

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muwapsturniolo · 1 day

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✯𝐓𝐫𝐢𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐭𝐬 𝐀𝐬 𝐌𝐲 𝐅𝐚𝐯𝐨𝐫𝐢𝐭𝐞 𝐒𝐨𝐧𝐠𝐬✯

IN WHICH... i explain my fav songs of the month and how they match with the triplets.

WARNINGS: sex is briefly talked about but its nothing really.

𝐀𝐋𝐓𝐄𝐑 𝐄𝐆𝐎 ☆ 𝐃𝐎𝐄𝐂𝐇𝐈𝐈 𝐅𝐓 𝐉𝐓

I want to start by saying why this is one of my fav songs at the moment. I love Doechii THE BITCH ALWAYS SERVES CUNTTTTTTTT!!!!! this song just does sum to me, it makes me want to go to the ballroom and vouge and do five death drops in a row! the beat, the lyrics, THE MUSIC VIDEO! it reminds me sm of Azelia Banks (that hoe so problematic it's not even funny anymore) and i love it!

now on to why i think this song is perfect for nick

an alter ego is basically a persons second face/persona that we don't see until it's time for it to come out. and one thing i think a lot of people in this fandom forgets is that WE DON'T KNOW THEM! we as viewers have this image of them in our head based off of what they let us see through a screen, and nick doesn't let us forget that. he has stated many times that most of our opinions are wrong (them not being friends with people, la vs Boston debate etc.) and i think that's important.

I'm not saying nick has an alter ego or is two faced,but he is a leo man and them mfs headstrong! and that's what this song breathes!!! it gives a headstrong bad bitch that nobody can say shit to!!! THAT IS NICK!!! NICK ALWAYS PUTTING US AND OTHERS IN PLACE AND ITS NEEDED!!!

"NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH THESE HOES AINT PHASIN ME. NAH NAH NAH NAH NAH BOO BOO BITCH YOU DEAD TO ME" nick does not let this fandom phase him fr. he does wtf he wanna do when he wanna do it. of course he loves us and appreciates us, but he not with our bull shit!!

"UNFAZED UNBOTHERED UNFUCKWITHABLE BITCH, WHY BOTHER?" a lot of people like to sit up here and run they mouth saying nick is so bothered, and he cares too much about what people think. LIE!!!!! YALL JUST DONT UNDERSTAND HIM!!! HES UNFAZED WITH THE BULL SHIT, IT DON'T BOTHER HIM FR!!! HE FINDS THE SHIT FUNNY! HE LIKE MAKING YALL TALK ABOUT HIM BUT HE DONT UNDERSTAND WHY YALL START WITH HIM AND HIS FAMILY IN THE FIRST PLACE.

"IM THE PROBLEM, IM THE VILLIAN. I DONT SEE THESE HOES IN THESE RICK SHEILDS, THROWIN DIRT ON MY NAME AND HE GON HIT STILL!" people love to make nick the villain when he isn't!!! some people fr never had somebody tell them how it is and they just run with the narrative that someone is being mean when they not!!! he not being mean, he keeping it a buck fifty with yall!!! and tbh he don't care if yall see as the villain cuz why? he still got more money than us and we never gon be on his level fr.

@thenickgirl had to let ppl know to stop messing with him!!!!

𝐋𝐄𝐕𝐈𝐈'𝐒 𝐉𝐄𝐀𝐍𝐒 ☆ 𝐁𝐄𝐘𝐎𝐍𝐂𝐄 𝐅𝐓 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐓 𝐌𝐀𝐋𝐎𝐍𝐄

i want to say this before i start. BEYONCE PUT HER WHOLE MF COOCHIE INTO COWBOY CARTER OMFGGGG!!!! IM SECRECTLY A WHORE FOR COUNTRY MUSIC SO I REALLY FEEL LIKE SHE MADE THIS ALBUM FOR ME!!!

OK LET'S GET INTO IT NO DOJA!

this description is going to be a bit different from Nick's and Chris's because I'm focusing more on the vibe of the song. the whole premise of this song (in my opinion) is two lovers just loving on each other! idk why i get big Matt vibes from this song😭 maybe because i love the idea of Cowboy Matt (before anyone say anything I'm making a Cowboy Matt series! it's already being written!) and yeah i don't have to say much more on that topic.

like yall know when Matt be smiling and giggling at his phone in car videos? i could already imagine his girlfriend sending him a pic of her ass in the new jeans and he just-

lemme stop before i write a whole separate fic for this song.

"YOU CALL ME PRETTY LITTLE THING, AND I LOVE TO TURN HIM ON." matt would deff call his girl a pretty little thing. she would be blushing and kicking her feet an ion blame her!!! and i too would love to turn him on!!

"BOY ILL LET YOU BE MY LEVI JEANS SO YOU CAN HUG THAT ASS ALL DAY LONG" matt would not resist looking at his gf ass and he would deff walk with his hand in her back pocket!!

"SO HOP OUT THE PHONE AND BRING THAT SHIT ON 'CAUSE IM GOING NOSEDIVE" matt the munch. pussy drunk. hurry tf up and bring your ass to him cause he bout to eat you out for hours!!!

thank you for coming to my ted talk on why Cowboy Matt is my fav and i need Matt eating me out ASAP!!!

𝐋𝐔𝐒𝐓 ☆ 𝐋𝐈𝐋 𝐒𝐊𝐈𝐄𝐒

I PROMISE IM NOT ONE OF THE FANS WHO LOVES SKIES CUZ OF CHRIS!!! I WAS LISTENING TO SKIES WHEN LIFE OF A DARK ROSE DROPPED!! i truly loves skies cuz his music just takes me back to the era of SoundCloud and i was actually happy lmao.

onto the topic.

now, i didn't pick this song cuz chris loves skies, i picked it cuz i feel like to a certain degree, it matches chris perfectly!!! lust doesn't have to mean sex, it could be towards money, adrenaline, etc.

Although Skies does talk about sex in this song, i think he's saying that he's lusting after money and the adrenaline that comes with fame and success, but he's lacking the love that was once there and he's lusting for love as well.

i think that relates to chris's whole being. he's constantly spitting out ideas and created his own brand to chase the bag, chase his dreams. i lowkey like to believe chris is an adrenaline junky. not in a sense of jumping off cliffs or anything, more in a sense of just doing stupid shit like fighting with his brothers and suggesting crazy plans.

idk if my description of this makes any sense i just can't put it into words so imma do the lyrics and try to explain further.

"GET IN MY WAY AND TRY TO BLOCK ME IMMA SHOW AGRESSION" this could be towards a person or himself. I'm not saying chris is money hungry, he's just about his bag. he wouldn't like for anyone, including himself to get in the way of making his dreams come true and if they do, i think he gets a bit hostile. it could be him cutting them off, or simply just distancing himself for a bit. if it's himself i think that's when he gets sad and beats himself up. he said it in a few videos that he becomes hard on himself, or he gets sad before bed and i think that's why.

"GOT NO REGRETS, I MADE MISTAKES, BUT I LEARNED FROM MY LESSONS" this lyrics speaks volumes for chris!!!! i feel like it was said by him that he doesn't regret things he's done in the past or experienced, but he's glad he's learned from them. i think all of them are big on "life's a lesson, learn from it." he doesn't dwell too much on the past, it's done and all he can do is move past it and learn to not make the same mistake with people or opportunities.

"DON'T BE ACTING STARSTRUCKED EVERYTIME THEY SHOW YOU LOVE." this could be towards friendships or relationships. it's no secret LA is full of fake people but it's honestly everyone at this point in time. i think chris realized that at some point. just because people smile in your face and act nice don't mean the friendship/relationship is real. people always want something, and its not always love, it could be sex, money, and or fame. it doesn't surprise him anymore. i think that's why he stick to who and what he knows, especially in the relationship sense.

i think imma do this every month, this was fun lmao. tell me what yall fav songs are atm!!!

TAGLIST 🍑

@bernardsgf @bernardsleftbootycheek @blahbel668 @mattfrfr @gdsvhtwa @sturniolo-aali @lily-loves-struniolos @kynda-avery @causeidontlikeagoldrush

@st7rnioioss @carolinalikesthings @mattslolita @suyqa @xxloveralways14 @pepsiimaxx @judespoision

@ivonchetooo1239 @imaslut4kehlani @that-general-simp @m4stermindd @itzdarling @gigisworldsstuff @adoreindie @braindead4l @pettydollie @chrissgirlsstuff @alexis007 @ratatioulle @yamamasjumpercables @luv4kozume @sturnioloslurps @kqyslyho3 @j3tblackt3ars @ilovestarz @lustfulslxt @soimightlikeoldmen69 @tastesousweet @slut4sebastiansallow @whicked-hazlatwhore @stasiesturn @loljackwasfat @nicksmainbitch @ninacutebee16 @mayhem-72 @sturniolosmind @breeloveschris @mattslolita @mattsivy @guccifrog @hysteria-things @mrssturnioloo @koris_009 @patscorner @mayhem-72 @worldlxvlys @nickuniversity @luverboychris @thenickgirl @riasturns @imwetforyourmom @junnniiieee07 @realuvrrr @milasturniolo @fwskullz @hearts4tatemcrae @mattandchrismakemewett @chrissystur @canthelpit0 @strnilo @demistyles @junovrsmp4 @heartsforchrisandmatt @maryx2xx @vecnasnose0 @freshsturns @xxsturnxx @pettydollie @crimsoncorpse @sturnssmuts @sturniolovoid @m0r94n

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sergeantwoods · 14 hours

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post roba, before the 141

ghost sat. he just sat there. a shard of glass in hand, in his room that price had assigned him. he felt hollow. like someone had cut open his head and scooped out his brain. and his heart. was there. just there, serving no real purpose. it ached, beating dully.

the sound of the door opening startled ghost slightly into looking at whoever was entering. he swore he had locked the door - hadnt he learned his lesson by now? when he realized it was price, he slowly looked away and back at the glass in his hand.

price was silent for a moment before asking softly, "whats wrong?"

simon stayed quiet, then whispered hoarsely, "my hand hurts."

price snorted, gesturing to the piece of glass in his hand. "yeah, because you're holding a shard of glass."

"i know."

"so why dont you let it go?"

simons eyes strayed from the piece of glass to prices face, before turning to stare blankly in front of himself. "i dont know. ive had it for a long time."

price walked closer to ghost, yet still kept his distance. simon appreciated that. "why do you even have a shard of glass?" price mused.

simon hesitated. "...it used to something else before it broke," he paused, before adding quietly. "but now i dont know what to do, and im afraid of letting it go."

"the only way you'll feel better is if you let it go," price remarked softly. simon could feel the holes the man was staring into his head.

"i dont remember a time in my life where i didnt have it, and the pain of having it might be better than the pain of losing it," ghost responded, dipping his head to observe the glass. it had already cut into his hand, tiny drops of blood finding themselves leaving simons skin.

"if the shard of glass doesnt serve you and only causes you pain, its not worth holding onto, and the only way you can heal is if you let go." price said carefully, slowly coming to stand next to ghost.

"okay," ghost mumbled, dropping the shard. it clattered to the ground, the edges painted in red. the glass splintered at the sides.

"how do you feel?" price asked, raising a brow at the piece of glass on the floor before directing his attention back to ghost.

"weird," he grouched, then added, "and bad. and my hand is still bleeding."

price chuckled. "healing takes time. one day, you won't even remember you had a cut on your hand."

"what should i do with the glass?"

"leave it, its not your responsibility anymore."

simon paused, contemplating. "i know, but i feel bad about littering."

price smiled. "you're right, ill put it in the trash." he reached down to grab the glass, startling when simon interupted again.

"no, i'll do it." he said, as he picked the glass up again.

-

i hope u understood the hidden meaning to that

i also got this from something i saw but i wrote it in a ghost/price father/son relationship thing

the link for the original video where i found it is here !! (ignore that its a yt short, i get bored and scroll sometimes ,,, )

raaaaahjshsjdfs im going to go play dmz now !!!

#call of duty #cod #simon ghost riley #john price #father son relationship #hidden meanings #101 #lmaooaoaoa #sarges blurbs

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skunkes · 11 days

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old drawings i found and enjoyed while looking for something else

#a doodley #i dont know what happened. some of these are from so little ago and i cant do em anymore #i used to take full color full body couple comms now i cant even draw oc self ship interactions anymore.#granted the comms werent that good either but ykwim i cant even do it for leisure anymore #and its also so weird when i look at my old stuff that i always have like. non linear improvement. it rises and falls all the time #thats not good! why cant i Keep what i learn! and why does Learning make my art worse when im trying to make it better....#its crazy seeing how well i could draw faces (sometimes) before i started studying faces. now they rarely look as good.#alas. once again i feel im the result of a non artist forcing their way to it ykwim #an equivalent of a land mammal trying to live underwater

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puppyeared · 4 months

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man

#maybe im being pessimistic abt this. im not saying u should wear a mask every waking moment of your life god knows i cant #but also. hell no i dont trust u if anything i distrust u ppl even more after how things played out for the past 3 years #like there are situations where it might be inevitable catching covid. most of my family members are nurses and in constant contact #but there are also a ton of ways to make that risk low as possible like masking and wearing a face shield and having sanitizer #for me its not enough to just say oh we're in a small group and we're all vaccinated #motherfucker your kid is sick from preschool EVERY TIME WE VISIT. of course ill be wearing a mask she gave me covid last year #also no the fuck it isnt seasonal the cases go up because lack of caution makes the virus spread and mutate especially around times when #ppl gather. add that with virus transmission in cold weather and its a matter of different factors increasing the risk of spread #im also tired of ppl not understanding that i wont be their responsibility if i do get sick. maybe they can help me recover #but at the end of the day the risk of death and long term health is all on me. i cant change that #the govt barely gives me accommodations what makes u think theyll do anything for every individual case of long covid or worse #im so tired. im so tired #i dont even know if its possible to want this to be over anymore i just wish we didnt have to deal with this in the first place #ALSO COUGH INTO YOUR SLEEVE SERIOUSLY HOW IS THIS SO HARD TO REMEMBER #oh its just a cold/dry throat its not like i have covid or anything. no!! its basic hygiene!!! how is this so hard to understand!!!!!!!!!!#and no this isnt abt whether people have the means to protect themselves this is me bitching abt my relatives not taking me seriously #vent #my art #myart #doodles #covid 19

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fourteenthz · 1 month

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LOVE AND PEACE ON FUCKING PLANET EARTH

#kelly plays ykz #yakuza 0 spoilers #I'm stopping now its like 7am I prefer to believe they are going to have a dinner and plan a trip to Europe and never come back actually #IM SO OBSESSES WITH THEM IT'S MAKING ME SICK IN THE HEAD #i didn't start this game expecting anything other than brother^tm but you know what. IF #they every single one of majima's old boss can say tell this guy has feelings maybe i can too. yeah. YEAH.#OBSESSED SO BAD with chapter 16 first cutscene... he has absolutely NO hesitation in running up to her.#and the second she goes past him he immediately refuses to let her go.#ITS SO INSANE how he has been so lifeless the last chapter and accepting his fate as a pawn for the next one #to show that fucking face he makes while looking at her. ITS SO WEIRD IN A FANTASTIC WAY my man is having too many feelings he can't #she** can't even see it and it KILLS ME bc he is making the world's puppiest eyes at her IM SO AUAAGAHHAHH SLAMMING MY HEAD ON THE TABLE #I NEED THEM. TO BE. SO NORMAL RN. I NEED THEM TO HAVE SUCH NORMAL DINNER RN.#I'm stopping playing bc i'm not sure that's going to happen so enough tears for today but I JUST. REALLY NEED THEM.#TO HAVE DINNER. HOLDING HANDS. AND THAT'S IS. CAN SOMEONE HEAR ME.#she really is like my top3 favorite characters in this damn game I adore this woman to death.#feeling so majima by his sigh in realief as soon as she stopped walking away when she tripped. the way his damn face changes from pained to #'IDEA!' and imediatelly offers to take her out........................... i'm so unwell at this momento.#I thought if they met again I wouldn't be able to trust majima bc he was so set in being a damn pawn in the previous chapter but man.....#the amount of thoughts behind his eye everytime he looked at her. if they end up playing that as him bring in pain #bc he has to win her over im going to kll a guy. there's no way NO WAY U HEARD ME #thry are literally my everything. there is NO way she is going to survive this game and I'm trying sk damn hard to get #used to that idea but it just sucks i love her so much. and thw worst part i have no idea what's up with majima on the other games #is her dying being his villain storie??? his hero redemption? HELL IF I KNOW. IS SHE EVEN DYING FR??#i truly think they could get away wih shipping her to another country. and it would make sense for majima to insist her to go.#but oh I doubt so hard they are giving me anything but pain with my favorite relationships in this game. i really do.#until then..... lying down in bed.... thoughts abt majima soft expression at her.... abt the weight her voice #carries rn.... abt the way he said 'hey' and she said 'you think I'm emotional because I'm hungry again'..... they. are. so.#the way they dont even give a choice to walk faster when she is accompanying majima.#I have such low standards at this point. if they don't at least hold hands again i will cry.#he doesn't need to guide her around anymore so... u see my vision? him asking for her hand bc he wants to... hello?

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bulletsfrank · 8 months

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me when running away from everyone makes me end up all alone:

#i dont have any irl friends anymore theyre all gone with my old discord and its been too long to go back #i lost myself over the summer in ways i can never explain.. i dont know where i am if im being honest #drinking is worsening it all #i feel so insane.. genuinely.. i cant stop getting into my own head and letting it all happen #its just me and teddy #im too scared to leave the house for longer than a few hours anymore #i cant handle people looking at .e #me. i cant handle talking. i cant handle daily tasks of anything. even these days moving feels too hard #i keep finding myself face down floating in the river #and when i turn my body over #my face isnt rotten #it isnt bloated at all.#... its just me and i look young and like i died two minutes ago #then i snap out and im making dinner #and im someone else. somewhere else forever #im so alone but id rather it right now. no one knows how bad it is. intentionally. i never tell anyone #because what would they do?#the only thing i ever learned was to run away and hide. i cant stop thinking i need to keep doing it #i just want everyone to be rid of me so i keep running and running and running

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girlwiththegreenhat · 2 months

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you ever hate on something you've never played/watched/read for what are still moderately good reasons given the circumstances, and then decide to go and play/watch/read the thing just to be fair. just to give it a chance

and then you were not only Right but its Worse Somehow and you're actually just more pissed off now

#liz blogs #vocaloid #this post is about project se\\kai. what a garbage ass replacement of project diva oh my god #i dont care about any of these random ass teenagers why does my vocaloid game have all these other guys in it #why are there 238928934 currencies why does it take so long to unlock new songs its just all too much and so convoluted #i wanted a rhythm game not a rhythm game that takes a backseat to visual novel and gacha game and watch 3298 ads #GET THIS OTHER BULLSHIT OUTTA HERE #i thought rhythm game on a touchscreen was a bad enough idea but i wanted to be FAIR because project diva doesnt get updated anymore #even though that was THE vocaloid game for a fucking decade and they replaced it with hot flaming dogshit oh my god #its just every other fucking mobile game im gonna start biting people #im in my Hater Year but i'm actually fucking right about everything aaaAAAAAAAAA #and look. i didn't play it for too long because it was just too fucking annoying and overwhelming. but it seems like you can only #play x amount of songs in a day before you run out of energy. which you need to Buy #you get more when you level up! it recharges! but it seems that it takes longer and longer to do that #thts the only Complaint i have that i cant actually verify because i would need to play longer and i am Not doing that #but if im right. thats the biggest load of shit of all #just go back to making project diva games. let me pay for the game so i can play interrupted without all this other BS in my face #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #the like... two little visual novel bits i saw that Just had vocaloids in them were cute. i will be real with u. but who are these like #six teams of random ass teenagers i dont know and dont care about. why did u put non vocaloids in da vocaloid game. are you nuts #maybe i just need to figure out how to mod project diva cuz at this point lord knows theyre not doing anything else with it #if you wanted to have other characters sega do u know how many Other vocaloids there are. you didnt have to invent random boring teenagers #pullin a fuckin transformers and backseating your Title Characters to a bunch of random ass humans im not here for #except you charlie watson from bumblebee i love you mwah

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slutcore-starships · 3 months

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.

#anyways . i dont know how to maintain friendships in the face of the oncoming collapse #both like . generally and specifically with my health #everything feels so trivial and i feel like im not doing enough #but when people ask if they can help with anything i . dont have answers #i dont know if i can ask for what i really want #because i dont think they can give it #and to let myself feel that want without satisfaction would ruin me #i just hate spending so much time alone #even the time spent talking to people online feels isolating #i try to create but . i havent practiced any skills in a long time #i dont have the energy to start from scratch #and i dont have the initative to try and start something with other people #even distracting myself from the oncoming hellscape isnt an option anymore . its all i can think about #im just . exhausted

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bloodbankzz · 5 months

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im doing soooooo bad♡ besties and others♡

#its OKAY becayse im ALIVE #this is mentallt and physicaally for those INTERESTED!#i need to PEEL the worms from my BRAIN after NEARLY passing out walking across the ROOM #MANY MULTIFACETED STRUGGLES!#TO ALL READERS WHO INQUIRE!#i dont really believe im like yhis but i dont knpw what i really am supposed to be #i cant figure out whats underneath even when i can see the cracks #what do you do when you can tell its wrong but you dont have any answrrs for what is right #rejection feels like futile struggle #its wrong or nothing #right????#what do i do #i hope when i have to face it and see a cardiologist they are niceys to me and helpful and everything goes okay #im so scared of doctors nowadays #if anything goes wrong it will be my fault and even if they knew a lot are too busy to care #and why am i even worried about the social aspects when its my fucking blood pumper at risk anyway right #god i dont know #i dont know anything anymore #i dont get better anymore #i dont know the way forward #but im gonna put off dying for as long as possible #better an alive aloof listless failure than dead #its so difficult to be berated though #and i am so afraid all the time #and being in the applying for jobs limbo means i cant even get high about it all!!!!!!!!!!!!

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fleastinger · 8 months

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#if i told you i could not fall asleep on your birthday could you believe me?#that i slept in the jamaica shirt?#i have no idea if that was your gift to me or if it was for my uncle or someone else #i have your shot glass that you so haphazardly gave to me #but tbh i was such a coward i couldnt bear to touch and give out all of your gifts #it feels wrong. a reminder that I fucked things up with us #i dont even know what i want anymore or if i can get through this #i feel so alone wallowing at the current state of things #im constantly short of money and overspending like crazy #i keep thinking about the guilt of it all and the knowledge that you wouldn't be so happy hearing from me if you knew what happened #and what i continue to do #i just feel so lost after realizing i ripped apart of my soul out by leaving you #and knowing that i did something that had broken it beyond repair if i didnt go #just. hoping your year is better #and now i cant stop thinking of the ways i freely gave my love to you without thinking #how we shouldve been serious sooner and that i couldve been with you if i was better #better at controlling myself or better at admitting that i was struggling #oh my sweet...it doesnt even matter the little things like my sex drive being higher than yours #or the fomo id have about not doing things when you let me socialize and would join/invite me to things #its hard to confront giving my niece a gift from you and face the fact that the trip wouldve made me open up #i was just. too cowardly to let go of my ex.

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giverofempathy · 1 year

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just wrote an email to my mentor about quitting my internship. I actually wanna send it so bad 🥲

#do yall think i should quit or not 😭 i could use some advice honestly #salisha speaks #on one hand i really really want to quit bcause it just keeps sucking and things keep going wrong #and im so Over It like i deserve to be treated much better than this!!!!#i think a lot of the time he doesnt know how to deal with me and then he just gets rude and that in turn hurts me #its happened quite a few times that i texted him that i couldnt come because i was sick and he just ignores me then #i think thats incredibly rude and unacceptable as an intern supervisor you shouldnt do that #and the work just sucks and i feel sad and anxious when i have to go and i hoped it would pass but it just doesnt #but THEN on the other hand its only a month left so maybe i should suck it up and suffer through it?#that would probably be the easiest option but it would also feel wrong bc its just not going well anymore #and i want to stop runninng from hard things and conflicts and just face whatever happens head on #and it would feel like avoiding conflict if i decide to stay because thats just the easiest option now?#like quitting feels like standing up for myself and saying this is enough and im not gonna be treated like this anymore #if uve read this far please tell me what u think i should do because i really dont know anymore 😭

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todayisafridaynight · 9 months

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YEAH NO TONBI GOT HANDS.......... my timing on suggesting it may be Questionable but I AM very glad it holds up as a movie :] hopefully the interview and We Make Antiques are fun diversions! But also take it easy <3 can confirm Nakai is Pretty Moe in both though <3 And I WILL harass you about Masato's VA next week...

TBF YOU SUGGESTED IT A WEEK OR SO AGO twas on me for taking a while to get to it... nevertheless i did really enjoy it thank you..... AND YAYA IM SO STOKED TO WATCH THE FULL INTERVIEW AND WMA2 THANK YOU SO MUCH AGAIN ☆*: .｡. o(≧▽≦)o .｡.:*☆!!!!!

esp cant wait to hear about masato's VA in the future.. 👁️👁️

#snap chats #LISTEN i think we all just have to accept at this point any time there's a story about a doting father or fts a doting father #i will cry like its unavoidable. so whether my life's falling apart that week or everything's fine #There Will Be No Difference In How Much I Cry ☠️☠️ im just built terribly what can i say it makes for GREAT inspo tho #tonbi WAS real cute tho and i did enjoy it a lot Because yasu did remind me of my dad a lot #very lucky to say my dad's never slapped me or thrown water in my face tho so LMAO BUT FOR THE MOST PART Yeah...#in a way it weirdly felt like watching an AU of my life. if i may sound insane. listen i already said the kid's name had me twisted LISTEN #fr tho cause ive always wondered what my life wouldve been like if i was able to be raised by my dad instead #im gonna make myself start crying if i get too deep into it LMAO NEEDLESS TO SAY i really enjoyed the movie :)#EVIL that they really did let us see akira get married and now yasu gotta give a speech and If He IS Anything Like My Dad #i know damn well he was winging it and didn't prep a script and I Will Start Crying if i think back to my sis's wedding #STILL MAD THAT THE ONE TIME I HAD TO PISS WAS RIGHT BEFORE HIS SPEECH BUT WHATEVER MOVING ON #said i wasnt gonna talk bout the movie/my dad anymore lest i make myself UPSET yet here i am... always saying more when i shouldnt ☠️#but yeah... i have ONE (1) more comm this week Lest Someone Wants To Snipe A Spot IDK #SO im gon do that :]#and im kinda tired rn... but the uncertainty of how much time i have nowadays urges me to work on it a bit #i dont THINK it should take super long but it IS a full-rendered piece so.... it will take time needless to say #n e way not to sound insane but nakai is An Endearing Chap. is the most sane way i can put it #i mentioned it durin a stream but somethin bout him just naturally exudes cute... idk... im delirious probably ANYWAY BYE FR NOW #CANNOT WAIT for next week to be harassed 🥰🥰

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chiisana-lion · 1 year

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feels kinda strange seeing old middle school classmates nowadays on like. insta or whatever theyre all mostly hot and having fun and going out w friends and stuff and here i am bundled up in the same blanket i’ve had since i was 10 shut in my room most of the time and definitely looking worse for wear than the last time they probably got to see me

#i dont rly use ig other than posting random photos i take cause i still kinda like photography as a hobby #photos of me myself are an absolute no so if i get tagged or smth i just scribble out my face #good to see theyre doing well!!!! and here i am living a life easily equated to that of a worm #i think its kind of funny i wonder what kind of image they have of me now #other than the kid who ran around with a street cone hitting people that pissed them off #and here i am. art school student and overly active tumblr and discord user </3 #maybe when i get confident enough in myself and not hate the way i look anymore i can at least let them know im doing fine somewhat #duck rants about something

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meringuejellyfish · 2 years

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the funtimes feel to be inspired by rolfe dewolfe. you know of a rock-afire explosion fame. with foxy having the personality and freddy having the puppet and uhhh yeah. thats my fnaf observation of the day

#watching a documentary and thinking about animatronics ...#i dunno how much real world animatronic inspiration there actually was in fnaf though #sister location is funny because theyre not even animatronics anymore those are straight up just robots #which is a character design choice that saw through to security breach #but to be fair. fnaf character design never really intended to be too true to actual animatronics #its fnaf its not gonna be realistic. i dont mind this honestly like. i dunno it just has its own idea of an animatronic #the concept of a springlock suit is still really funny to me though. hello #if i make my own thing about animatronics id pull from actual animatronics but also just do whatever i think is cool. you know #i like when people draw fnafs but with wrinkly face plates and like clothing and stuff.#i have my own redesigns in my head but its also like. well if you stick to face plates then that kind of #makes it hard to bite things. taking away a major aspect of i dunno fnaf ''''lore'''' i guess #with fnaf animatronics the whole thing is (atleast in the first game) pulling from the essence of what about animatronics frightens people #and then just. making it so they have jaws that could actually bite and leaving huge spaces in the eye holes and making the joints visible #not like. what i would have done but i understand why its so iconic and works as a good design within these games #in later games some of the designs are just so obnoxiously trying to be scary that it just doesnt really work.#fnaf ... is stupid.#anyway not a lore guy i just like animatronics and observing things. if you couldnt already tell #fnaf is really fun to talk about and dissect. because it makes me wanna make things that are good and cool #e #i gotta stop here im gonna go on forever #getting teardrop to talk #this post was from yesterday i finished the documentary . btw the letterboxd reviews are so mean

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n0ct0urn1quet · 2 years

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@raiden-metal-gear-rising kising u ON THE LIPS !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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