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comedi-anne · 6 months

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Can't believe I went through with this, but here it is!

Characters: PC (Penelope Campbell) x Kylar

Genres: Fluff, Implied Smut but only at the very, very end

Warnings: CRINGE

Synopsis: Kylar tries to sneak into Penelope's bedroom, as he has many times before, but things don't go according to plan.

He checks his phone nervously. He has to time things right. If he goes in too early, she'll still be awake. If he goes in too late, she won't be in the right part of her sleep cycle. It should be a deep sleep. That's the only way he gets away with this. Eventually, the time does come. The perfect time. Not too soon either. It's so cold out tonight. The seasons are changing, and they're in that dreadful spot of being hot in the morning and cool at night. He didn't dress appropriately for how long he stood out there, watching her window… and waiting.

Although, he's not the only one that's been waiting. Penelope's grown wise to his schedule. For such a nervous man, he's very strict with his time it seems. On certain days and at certain times, she'll always get her little visitor. She wasn't always such a light sleeper. She doesn't know how many times he's come to visit that she didn't wake up. But certain events have transpired that made her a lot more likely to wake up at the feeling of being touched.

It's okay though. She can tell if it's Kylar. His touch is gentle. His hands shake with nervousness, but his fingers glide against her skin very delicately. He doesn't want to wake her up after all.

…The others don't care about being gentle. They don't care about letting her sleep.

Kylar is different. He loves her. It's just his way of showing love. Sometimes she wonders if she should show love too, but whenever she's been awake and waiting for him, he never comes to visit.

"So shy," She thinks." If this is what he prefers of her, she'll happily play along. She's so good at making people happy. If only she could figure out how to accomplish that for herself, maybe everything would fall into place. But she doesn't have long to think about it. She can hear the window creak open, and feel the cold air enter the room. Her eyes are tightly shut even as the footsteps grow closer. She can feel the bed shift under his added weight; she remains as still as ever. But as the zipper of her cow onesie is pulled down, and his fingertips finally make contact with her skin, she can't control herself from jolting up from the bed with a gasp.

"So cold!"

His hands are like ice. She couldn't keep a straight face through that. It was like touching an ice cube to her skin. Her body reacted before she could think about it. Kylar has a panicked look, like that of a wild animal being caught and cornered. Please don't hate him. He just needed her. He tries to scramble away to save himself from any reprimand or shame, but as he runs away, he trips on one of Penelope's shoes and falls face-first on the floor. Penelope turns on the light and rushes over to him. As he picks himself up from the ground, she can see drops of blood splat on the floor below him.

"Kylar, Kylar, a-are you alright?"

He doesn't answer, doesn't meet her gaze. If anything he tries to disappear from sight, curling into himself and pressing his body against the floor to become as small as possible. He shudders when he feels her hand on his back.

"Kylar, you're freezing. No wonder your hands are cold. Why didn't you wear something warmer?"

"I'm sorry," he spits out,"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," repeating it like a mantra, like a magic spell to make the situation go away. He reaches for the window sill, but Penelope pulls his hand back.

"I'm not sending you back out into the cold, silly. You can stay the night."

His face goes red. This is turning out better than he could've hoped, aside from the injury, but that's nothing new to him. Whitney's done way worse than shoving him on the floor. Although from Penleope's perspective, she's not sure why he seems so excited all of a sudden. It's not like it's the first time he's spending the night. It takes a moment to occur to her that from Kylar's point of view, this is the first time he's had her permission to stay. She'll pretend it's just as special to the both of them.

She grabs a handkerchief from her dresser drawer and begins wiping the blood from his face. He's entranced as she works, so close, so kind to him… motherly in a way.

"Do you think you'll be okay? Does it hurt a lot?"

"I'll be f-fine!" He says assuredly. He doesn't want you to feel the need to get anyone else to look at it. "I-If anything, tomorrow I can g-go see Dr. Harper. W-We get along. He can f-fit me in."

"That's nice. Dr. Harper is…. nice."

Once the bleeding has stopped, she starts leading him to the bed. It's so surreal to him. How many times has he imagined this? Of course he's laid beside her before. Many, many nights he successfully broke into her room and held her and touched her, but he's never been invited to do so. He's scared he's dreaming. Did the cold make him pass out? Or maybe it killed him. Maybe this is heaven.

She pulls the blankets over both of them, snuggling close to make sure he stays warm. She savors the moment, actually getting to move and hold him back. All the times before, she's just been a little doll he got to play with to his liking, and she's happy to play that way, but it's so much nicer when she can move how she likes to.

"Are you comfy?"

He nods, not even remembering the last time he blinked. He's trying to commit every second to his memory like his eyes are a camcorder. Speaking of which…

"Oh!" she gasps. "You should say hello."

"To who?"

"To the one who normally keeps me company in bed."

His knuckles turn white as he grips the pillow beneath his head. Maybe he did die from the cold, but if he did this has turned out to be hell. Seconds pass by, but it feels like an eternity as she turns away from him to rummage for something on the floor. Is there someone under the bed? Is it another man? Is it Whitney? Is it Robin? Is it Sydney? Oh, you simply can't imagine the relief he feels when he sees a puff of yarn emerge from under the blankets.

"Ta-dah! It's Mr. Feathers!"

"M-Mr. Feathers? Is that what you call him?"

"Mhmm! I-I'm sorry. Did he have a name you wanted me to keep? When you gave him to me, I thought it was okay to rename him."

"No, it's fine! R-Really, he's yours…"

He looks down at the plush owl held in her hands. He gave that to her a while ago. It's his way of watching over her… A.K.A it's his way of being a Peeping Tom through the spy camera he put behind its plastic eyes. But it wasn't always just a pervy little tool. It was his toy, his friend. He pats the top of its head gently, feeling the familiar sensation of the feathers peeking out from underneath his fingertips.

"He misses you…"

"What?"

"He misses you… You dropped him off, and… and he… he keeps looking for you. He's just a little guy. He… he's your family. You should visit him more," her voice becomes firmer as she finishes her thought. She knows what Kylar's parents are. Well, she doesn't know exactly, but she's seen what they've become. Kylar said the owl's been in his family a long time. He must've seen them too. She doesn't know how many nights Kylar spent alone in his room, clutching a stuffed animal as his parents stalked the forests behind his home. She can't imagine how important this little guy was to him when it was all he had, and Kylar was all Mr. Feathers had too.

It's so silly. It's so childish. She should've grown out of this habit by now. But she's always gotten so sappy personifying toys. Bailey doesn't give the kids much of anything, so the plushies she had, she had for most of her childhood. They grew more and more worn and torn with years of love. They're hardly recognizable scrap now, but they're the closest thing she has to family. (Aside from Robin of course) That was her favorite game when she was little: family. She thought she was practicing for when she had a real one someday… Maybe she should've practiced more.

"You're like his dad… Mr. Feather is… is your family. You shouldn't just drop him off in someone's care a-and never visit him."

He sees her hands shaking as he grasps the stuffed animal ever tighter.

"Do you want.. me to visit more often?"

"Mr. Feathers does… but I do too if that sweetens the pot."

He cautiously moves closer to her in the bed. His breaths become more shallow. Excitement builds in his gut.

"I-If I'm like his dad… d-does that make you his mommy?" Penelope smiles at him. He swears the world melts away.

"Maybe? If I was a mommy, that means I'd have a family, a-and I'd want a big, happy family too."

She goes on to describe her ideal future. If she couldn't be brought into a family, maybe she could make them. Maybe kids could fill the voice in her heart. Dangerous thoughts to be sure, but for the moment they make her happy. She can talk about her future family, and she can dream it's possible. She gets so lost in the fantasy; she doesn't realize what she's doing to Kylar, all this talk about children. It's not until he's on top of her that she realizes what she's done.

"You'd make a great m-mommy," he pants out. His face is red, and his eyes have glazed over in that familiar way. "You will make a great mommy."

He was nice enough to listen to her dreams, so she's happy to indulge in his own fantasies. This is love, right? This is just how he shows his love. If becoming a mommy means she'd be loved, then she could do that. At least she could pretend she'll do that, at least for now. She feels like a kid again, playing pretend, dreaming of a happy future that won't come to pass. But this time, she has someone real to play with. Isn't that nice? She isn't alone. She's loved. She isn't alone. She's loved. She isn't alone. She's loved.

His hands are much warmer this time.

#degrees of lewdity pc #dol pc #this is the first fanfiction i've written in like... 7 years #i used to rp with original characters all the time #but then my best friend abandoned me and i had no motivation to write #so this is also the first non-school story i've written in like six months #it's rusty... i'm sure

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bethaven · 5 months

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#22 Heartstopper

Plot: Nick and Charlie get placed together at form in school and immediately - sparks. Charlie's unsure if Nick likes him back, or even if he's non-straight. Nick on the other hand, get very confused about these new feelings. Meeting, falling in love and being out turns out to be more complicated than they could've ever imagined. But it's the love story of the century and together with supportive friends and family they can overcome anything. We also get to follow their friends and family in their own endeavours, like the relationships between Tao and Elle and Tara and Darcy as well as Isaac's ace-journey.

Years: 2022-

Seasons: 2 (season three arriving in 2024)

My story: There's so much to say here, but I'll try to keep it short. I discovered Heartstopper shortly after the first season had arrived to Netflix. It fast became one of my favourites and led to a few rewatches over the first year. But I didn't move further into the fandom just yet. When season 2 dropped I'd been longing for it all summer. I'd had a rough year with chaos at work combined with both my grandfathers passing away within two months. I'd been keeping myself distracted with travelling all summer, but then suddenly there were no distractions left. My mental health spiraled. The only thing that kept me afloat was Heartstopper. I watched all episodes everyday for about two months. I read the comics over and over. I went deep into the Osemanverse and I read books, which I normally never do. I got into tumblr. All of it kind of became my saving. And I owe it all to Alice Oseman.

Teachable moments: For me Heartstopper teaches us primarily about how love is always just love, in whichever form it comes in. Wheither it's platonic, romantic or other types of love, wheither it's the love you feel for your partner or the love you feel for friends and family - they're all valid and important.

Best character: Even though I love them all, I've always had a soft spot for Charlie. There's so many layers of him and I am really looking forward to how the rest of his journey will be portrayed on screen. He has the biggest heart and is so much stronger than he thinks.

Best episode: "Boyfriend" (S1E8). I love how this episode start at the deep end and ends on a high note. Nick's speach and their kiss in the corridor together with the beach trip just makes this perfect. A big runner up is "Truth/Dare" (S2E6), not the least for Tara and Darcy's story and growth.

Best quote: "I think there's this idea that when you're not straight you have to tell all your friends and family immediately, like you owe it to them. But you don't." (Charlie to Nick) This line has really helped me in my own journey about sexuality/attractions.

Fun fact: It'd be hard to find a fun fact that the Heartstopper fandom didn't already know (even though it might be true for all the series in this calendar). But for the not so initiated it'd be fun to know that Joe Locke, who plays Charlie, got the role through an open audition and this is his first time acting professionally. In 2024 he'll be both in a new Marvel series (which, in a parallel universe is quite funny since Charlie doesn't like Marvel) and do his Broadway debut in Sweeny Todd.

If you like this you might also like: Young Royals, Skins, Tales of the City, Skam and Atypical.

(Heartstopper is the adaptation of Alice Oseman's webcomic and books. Volume 5 was just released and volume 6 will be the last one. The webcomic is normally released three times a month, but will now be on a hiatus for about six months, until Alice have some volume 6 stuff to share. Also check out the novellas Nick and Charlie and This winter as well as Alice's novels Solitaire (where the story about Nick and Charlie started), Radio Silence, I was born for this and Loveless. She has also written and created the Netflix series.)

#heartstopper #alice oseman #charlie spring #nick nelson #osemanverse #nick x charlie #joe locke #kit connor #love #mental health #netflix #tv series #bethaven's calendar 2023

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jaynovz · 2 years

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7, 17 for weird questions? <3

7. What is your deepest joy about writing?

Creating scenes and moments out of whole cloth, making the intangible somehow tangible through just the power of words. When everything is just... clicking along so well and flowing and you come out with something that's so fucking choice that you just sit back and smile at it for a moment, so PLEASED with yourself that you’re vibrating with joy.

That part is pretty awesome. <3

Close second place-- The community of other writers, getting to concept/spin out ideas. A unique creative experience that cannot be matched.

17. Talk to me about the minutiae of your current WIP. Tell me about the lore, the history, the detail, the things that won’t make it in the text.

ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh ohhhhhh!! -zoomy eyes- BREAK UP BOYS.

Okay so anyone who has been around me/my blog for five seconds in the last six months already knows that I've been working nonstop on this Gigantic Novel of a Black Sails mod au lmao.

But just in case:

Minor celebrities Artist!Flint and Actor!Silver meet and fall in love in NYC during winter. At first they seem like a perfect match, each singular to the other in their own way; the relationship intensifies into a whirlwind the likes of which neither has ever had before, reaching dizzying heights of emotion and vulnerability.

However, problems lie beneath the surface of the delirious bliss; a fraught tale laden with mistakes, miscommunication, and betrayal plays out, both sides at fault. Inevitably, they have a devastating break up.

Nearly a year later, they meet up again at a holiday party, their reunion engineered by mutual friends. The same cycle of intensity, love, and hurt begins again, even worse than before.

Can they learn from their mistakes and compromise? Will they ever be free of each other or are they in an endless time loop? Is there a true ending?

Hmmm, well it’s not DONE YET, so I can’t tell you.

This story is called the All Too Well verse b/c the idea spawned from my absolute OBSESSION with Taylor Swift’s 10 min version of the song which was released in Nov 2021. Much of the story is adapted from the lyrics, but a huge amount of it is Jay Original as well. Which lyrics I use are landmines/surprises as we go :P

The story is written non-linearly, with two timelines, the present and past interspersed as we build towards The Break Up Fight, which the entire story revolves around.

Fun things that probably won’t make it in... hmmm... well Silver’s backstory lmao, especially the details of how he lost his leg. But because of the nature of the Snake Lad I actually... shouldn’t tell you that. I’m sorry!!

But I wrote Flint a new backstory from scratch, which is emerging a little at a time and so I can talk about it in a bit more detail:

He grew up VERY poor in upstate NY, on a dairy farm. He and Anne are siblings in this and their parents died when they were both pretty young. They’ve been raised by their grandparents on this family farm, both being taught the ropes of how to maintain it. He’s been drawing since childhood and mentioned in chap 4 that he “grew up sketching a lot of cows.”

There was a lot of pressure on him as the oldest to take over the farm from his aging grandparents, which caused friction. He compromised by instead moving to the city and getting a job where he could send money back to help out. Flint had a very successful career as a PI for about ten years, continued painting in his off time. Then finally was able to go to art school, started painting full time. He had a lucky break and has been a pretty big name in modern art for the last decade.

There’s more~~ There’s always More. But I wanna keep some secrets and also I have rambled on quite a lot lmao. Also you can read Break Up HERE as the drama develops.

Thanks for the questions and for letting me plug my story!! <3

#thoughts #piratecaptainraven #black sails #silverflint #all too well verse #break up au #john silver #james flint #ask game

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inkedstarlight · 3 years

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Bittersweet: Chapter Nine

Summary: Cassian and Nesta finally meet. Officially, this time. Let the romance commence. Notes: Read it here on AO3! Warnings: very brief/non-explicit mention of sexual assault Bittersweet Masterlist

“Earth to Nesta?”

Nesta snapped from her trance to see Emerie waving a hand in front of her face.

“You’ve been cleaning the same spot for a good ten minutes,” Emerie gestured to where Nesta was scrubbing the counter with a towel. It was squeaky clean.

Nesta let go of the towel and cleared her throat. “My bad.”

Emerie pulled out the chair on the other side of the counter and sat down. It was eleven in the evening on a Monday, and they had just closed. The only other person in Rita’s was Lucien, and he was doing dishes in the back.

“You’ve been acting weird for the past two weeks,” Emerie stated blatantly. Her stare was unwavering. “And you’ve lost at least ten pounds.”

The incidence with Tomas happened two weeks ago. Nesta was doing a pretty good job of moving on with her life all things considered. She felt like shit, but she hadn’t missed a single shift at work. That had to count for something.

But she should’ve known Emerie would notice. She was like a fucking hawk, that girl. She saw everything.

When Nesta didn’t say anything, Emerie shrugged and got up from the stool. “At least try a little harder,” she said, referring to the coworkers’ challenge to get the most tips. She shot Nesta a sad look. “Thesan is beating you. Thesan.”

Nesta mustered a laugh. Thesan wasn’t great with customers, that was common knowledge. Neither Emerie nor Nesta were people persons, but they knew how to turn it on for customers. Thesan, on the other hand, didn’t make much of an effort. It wasn’t that he was intentionally rude, the guy was just quiet in nature. In fact, he was quite a sweetheart.

Which was why it was quite entertaining to watch Thesan and Helion interact. Where Thesan was an introvert, Helion was loud as hell. Not to mention it was clear that Thesan was crushing on him. But unfortunately, Helion flirted with every living, breathing thing and was thus completely oblivious. During Nesta’s first week at Rita’s, Emerie had spilled all the tea about their coworkers. Thesan was head over heels in love with Helion, Helion had never been in a monogamous relationship, and Viviane… well, Viviane had her own little love story. A complicated one at that.

His name was Kallias. They grew up together, from scheming little kids to rebellious teenagers to young adults. Best friends since they could remember.

Because Emerie grew up in the same small town as them, she knew everything. They all went to school together. She knew that Kallias had been in love with Viviane since freshman year of high school. She knew that Viviane felt the same way, but she would never admit it thanks to the hell she was put through during her childhood. Nesta didn’t know the specifics, and she never asked.

It also didn’t help that Viviane was in a relationship with someone else. They’d been together for almost two years. Emerie thought Viviane deserved better, that he wasn’t a very good person.

Anyway, Kallias visited Rita’s nearly every weekend after his shift at the fire station to grab a drink and more importantly, see Viviane.

Nesta thought it was ridiculous. She’d told Emerie as much when she’d brought Nesta up to date on their coworkers’ lives. Why wouldn’t they just admit they loved each other and get on with it already? It was pretty fucking simple; they were just making it complicated for themselves. Emerie wholeheartedly agreed and the pair then went on an hour long rant on the idiocy of romantic relationships.

And if she was being honest, Nesta didn’t care much about these people. Sure, they were respectable but they were a temporary fixture in her life. Once she secured a job in her career field, she was going to leave them all behind.

“We should get a drink sometime. Outside of work,” Emerie clarified with a look of disgust. “I’m sick of it here.”

Nesta knew that was a lie based on the relationship Emerie had with Rita and her wife. But she didn’t say that.

“Maybe,” Nesta responded distractedly, desperate to think of an excuse. It wasn’t that she didn’t like Emerie; no, Nesta liked her coworker. She just couldn’t muster the energy to go out with friends or socialize like that. “I’m pretty busy right now though.”

Emerie narrowed her eyes and scrutinized her.

“Stop analyzing me.”

“Don’t tell me what to do.”

Emerie sighed and receded. She hesitated before saying quietly, “Is… is this the part when I ask if you’re okay and we get all deep and explore a new level of our friendship?”

Nesta slowly met her friend’s gaze. They stared at one another for several moments.

Then, they burst out laughing.

-------------------------

The next morning, Nesta was brewing her third cup of coffee when Elain padded into the kitchen.

“Good morning,” Elain yawned as a greeting. She wore bunny slippers and an oversized hoodie. Elain only had one evening class on Tuesdays, so today was her only day - save for the weekend - to sleep in.

“Hey, kiddo.”

“How long have you been up?”

Nesta glanced at the clock. It was nine-thirty. She’d woken up at six after a sleepless night of tossing and turning.

But she simply shrugged instead. “Not long.”

Nesta poured the coffee into her mug, sitting back down at the counter. She watched as Elain bustled around the kitchen, scrambling eggs and slicing fruit. The morning light spilled through the dusty kitchen sink window, bars of sunshine reflecting off the tiled floors. Iroh basked in the sunspots, his black fur glistening as his chartreuse eyes blinked closed.

Elain and Nesta hadn’t spent much time together in the past couple weeks. It was Nesta’s doing, of course. She was actively avoiding her sister and everyone else. After Elain had tried to talk to Nesta after the whole thing with Tomas, she stopped asking Nesta if she was okay. Nesta assumed that Elain realized she wasn’t going to get an answer, that there wasn't really a point in trying.

But Gods, Nesta fucking missed her. And even though she wanted nothing more than to retreat to her bedroom as she sat there in the kitchen, she didn’t move from the chair.

You need them as much as they need you, her father’s voice echoed in her head.

Guilt stabbed at her chest.

“How’re classes going?” Nesta asked quietly. Elain looked at her over her shoulder with a surprised yet pleasant smile.

“Great! I’m so grateful to be at such a great college, but…” Elain bit her lip, hesitating. “My bio lab is going to be the death of me."

“You know you’re allowed to complain, right?”

Elain just gave her a smile. “Yeah, I know. It's just, considering where I was a year ago, I couldn't be happier to finally be enrolled in such a prestigious program. Even if that means the classes are brutal."

I wish I was like you. I take everything for granted.

“And have you made any friends?”

Elain had started school at Pryth U months ago and yet Nesta had no idea if she even had friends yet.

Selfish bitch.

A fond smile broke out on Elain’s face. “Yes, I have this really great group of friends: Lucien, Ressina, and Varian. It's just the four of us, but we've gotten really close.”

Nesta asked Elain more questions before excusing herself back to her room, claiming she was going to try to write today, to which Elain squealed and wished her luck.

Nesta hadn't written since their dad died. Prior to his death, she would write nearly every day. She'd been working on a novel for years. The plot had came to her in middle school, and it just grew from there. She'd never told anyone about it. Everyone knows how fucking hard it is to get your writing published, much less get high ratings. Nesta wasn't even sure if she was going to finish it. This was the longest she'd gone without writing or editing it. And she had a feeling that she wouldn't ever go back to it.

Dread filled her stomach as she thought of that prospect. What the fuck was she doing with her life?

Nesta’s phone buzzed, and she fished it out of her back pocket.

Incoming call from Feyre Archeron.

It kept buzzing, Nesta merely stared at her sister's name on her screen. She couldn't think of a single reason why Feyre would be calling. But she pressed "Accept" before it could go to voicemail.

“Hello?”

“Hey.”

Silence.

“Uh, what’s up?” Nesta asked. She collapsed onto her unmade bed. Iroh scampered past the door and jumped on the bed with her. He didn't waste a minute curling himself around her head.

"I was calling to see… maybe, I don’t know… uh, would you want to come to dinner tonight?”

I was not expecting that. And Nesta was about 95% sure this was Elain’s doing.

“Why?”

“I want you there," Feyre told her as if it were obvious.

“Why?” Nesta asked again. She hadn't seen Feyre since Thanksgiving despite her sister living just on the outskirts of the city.

That had been weeks ago.

“It's complicated," Feyre responded quietly. She seemed to pause before finding the words. "I've been so worried about Cassian, we all have. He'd never been deployed for that long - five months. It was scary. I guess I took that out on you. I don't know why..."

She drifted off. Nesta held her breath.

"I'm sure Elain told you, but he's home now. I've been more myself since he returned, and I want you to come to dinner. I… miss you.”

She rubbed her temple. “I don’t know, Feyre.”

I don't know if I can pretend to be okay for an entire night. I don't know if you even fucking want me there or if you just feel obligated. I don't know if I can be in the same room as your douchebag boyfriend. I don't know if I can be surrounded by your friends, most of whom seem to dislike me. I don't know if I can behave like a normal fucking person.

I don't know.

“Please?” The plea was soft, quiet. It was like she was almost desperate. But for what?

Nesta looked out the window where a blue jay - their dad's favorite bird - was perched on a bare tree branch. The leaves had long ago fallen, leaving the world naked and vulnerable. “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

-------------------------

Feyre embraced her with an awkward hug when Nesta and Elain walked into the house. Nesta patted her on the back lightly, uncomfortable with the physical touch. Luckily, no one else seemed incline to embrace her. Rhys actually seemed to make sure he was as far away as possible.

Elain, on the other hand, gave everyone a hug. Mor gave a laugh as she squeezed Elain back, Aurra watching them with a smile. Interestingly enough, when Elain greeted Azriel with a hug, his tanned cheeks glowed red. It was almost imperceptible, but Nesta noticed.

Feyre took a step back to assess her. Nesta could see the judgement in her sister's eyes as she took in Nesta's noticeably thinner body. Luckily, however, she wasn't given the chance to comment on it when Elain piped up, "Where's Cassian? Nesta still hasn't met him yet."

"He's running a bit late," Rhys answered, glancing down at his phone. "Should be here in about ten minutes."

Everyone began to make their way into the dining room and Nesta followed. However, she was quickly tugged to the side when Amren swooped in out of nowhere and basically dragged Nesta into the privacy of the hallway. She stopped, crossed her arms over her chest, and glared at Nesta.

“Where have you been?” Amren demanded.

"What do you mean?" Nesta asked, playing dumb.

She hadn't spoken to Amren in a long time, even though they had each others' numbers. Even though Amren had repeatedly texted her, asking to get coffee or go for a walk or something else of the sorts. All of which went unanswered.

Amren rolled her eyes, and Nesta was convinced they went to the back of her head for a good minute. "Don't play dumb with me, Nesta."

“I don’t know, working?"

"Is that a question?" Amren rose a deadly brow.

Nesta huffed and mirrored Amren's angry stance. "Why are you interrogating me?"

“Because you've been radio silent for weeks. I had to ask Elain if you were still fucking alive," Amren explained. Then, she leaned in close like she didn't want anyone to hear. "I was worried about you, you bitch."

Nesta let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, okay? I've been busy. I do want to hang out, it's just that..." she trailed off.

"What? It's just that what?"

Nesta stared at the floor, unable to form words.

"Nesta, are you okay?" Amren asked, her voice softer.

Just tell her. Fucking tell her.

I was almost raped.

Just the thought was enough to make Nesta want to puke. She couldn't, it was too much and she wouldn't even be able to fucking say it and it's her fault, all her fault.

She breathed in through her nose and looked back up at Amren. She shot her the most fake smile she'd ever given. "I'm good. Seriously, I just got busy. It won't happen again."

Nesta saw the skepticism in Amren's eyes. But she conceded with a small sigh. "Well, don't do it again, okay? I seriously thought you were fucking murdered or some shit."

Nesta just nodded. Amren looked at her once more before gesturing with her chin back to the dining room. Nesta followed her.

When they rounded the corner, she stopped dead in her tracks.

Because sitting next to Feyre was the man who had tried to break into her apartment.

“Nesta!" Feyre exclaimed, calling her over from where she sat. "This is Cassian. Cassian, this is my sister, Nesta.”

Nesta simply stared at him like a deer in headlights and he stared at her, his lips parted in surprise. He was wearing a grey sweater, his long hair hanging down, no longer in a bun like it was the last time. He tucked it behind one ear.

"Are you stalking me or something?" Nesta said incredulously.

"I could ask you the same," Cassian retorted cheekily.

Feyre looked between them, a confused expression written on her face. "Do you guys know each other or something?"

"Something like that," Nesta mumbled.

Everyone's eyes were on them as they waited for an answer.

"Well as everyone knows, I live in the same building as Nesta and Elain," Cassian explained, waving a hand to the two sisters. "The other night, I got stupid drunk with a friend. He drove me back to my place and me, drunk off my fucking ass, tried to get into their apartment thinking it was mine."

The entire room erupted into laughter, Rhys choking on his food and Azriel looking up as if reasoning with the Gods.

"So when Nesta opened the door," Cassian continued, "she nearly beat me to death with a baseball bat."

Another round of laughter.

"Overreact much?"

Everyone's eyes flew to where Nesta sat. They seemed shocked. Nesta was too.

She didn't know why she said it, why she let it bother her. He was just so fucking frustrating, even his mere presence.

Cassian stuck his tongue out at her.

Feyre interrupted, her jaw agape. "You guys are acting like children."

Nesta got quiet after that. The conversation continued, thankfully taking the attention off her. As everyone laughed and conversed, Cassian looked over at her. His smile disappeared when he met Nesta's gaze. She just stared back at him, lips in a thin line. He seemed to try to gauge her reaction carefully, but her face was blank.

And so the night went on. Nesta didn't say another word after what happened. She avoided eye contact with Cassian. Avoided conversation with everyone.

It was half past eight when they all began clearing their dishes. Mor, Aurra, Azriel, and Cassian were all gathered in the kitchen cleaning up. Feyre and Rhys had excused themselves. It was just Nesta and Elain who remained in the dining room.

“I need to go to the bathroom,” Nesta leaned over to whisper to Elain.

Elain nodded. "We'll head out right after, yeah?" She must've noticed the exhaustion in Nesta's face.

Nesta agreed, excusing herself from the table.

She walked down the hallway, peeking through every door to find the bathroom. She was about to push through a door on the left that was slightly cracked open when she heard voices coming from within.

“I’m worried about him. He’s not the same.” It was Feyre.

“He never is when he comes home, Feyre," Rhys said dejectedly. "It’s happened before. Cass just needs time.”

Cass.

Nesta tiptoed closer to the door, just enough for her to listen.

“No, what he needs is to see someone!”

“I’ve tried. He doesn’t want to go.”

“Try harder, Rhys!” Feyre cried, her tone frustrated.

“We can’t just force him to go, okay?”

“Are you seeing what I’m seeing? Do you even notice how lost your own fucking brother is? Do you even care?!”

Silence.

“Rhysand, I’m sorry. Gods, I’m so sorry. I know you care. More than anyone. I just… I don’t want to lose him.”

She heard them both breathing deeply.

“C’mere,” Rhys murmured. Nesta heard Feyre's footsteps as she presumably walked toward him.

“We’ll figure it out, okay?”

“Together.”

“Always, Feyre darling.”

They got quiet, probably embracing each other. Nesta crept away from their bedroom door and into the bathroom before they could find her.

------------------------------------

Elain and Nesta had just unlocked their apartment door when Nesta groaned. “Oh, shit, I forgot my wallet in the car." She fished around in her bag to make sure it wasn't in there. "I’ll be right back.”

"I'll leave the door unlocked," Elain called behind her as Nesta made her way to the elevator.

She stepped between the doors, hitting the button for the parking garage. Gods, she just wanted to go to sleep. The night had been exhausting.

After a minute or so, she was approaching her car. She unlocked her door and grabbed her wallet that was in the middle console when a pair of headlights flashed past her, a car pulling into the spot next to her.

Before panic could set in, Nesta recognized who was driver the car through the window.

Cassian.

His car turned off and he emerged from the driver's door just a moment later. He looked over where Nesta was clutching her wallet to her chest staring at him. He gave her a tight-lipped smile before turning away and walking towards the elevator. Nesta had no choice to follow.

She walked just a few feet behind him as they made their way to the elevator.

"I'm sorry," Cassian told her, his voice sincere. He cast a concerned glance her way. "For embarrassing you at dinner. And if I scared you that night."

"You didn't embarrass me," Nesta snapped at him. "You were just being annoying as hell."

His entire body seemed to relax at her insult. Cassian tried to hide his smirk but failed. "I'm glad to see you're still your normal, hotheaded self. You got me worried at dinner with your stoic behavior."

Now she really glared at him. "Don't talk like you know me. You don't."

"Oh, sweetheart," he teased. "I think we're more similar than you think."

She scoffed. "I think that hubris of yours will be your downfall."

"You know, it's quite sexy when you use literary devices to insult me," he joked.

Nesta froze.

Was he coming onto her? Chills ran down her spine when she thought of the last time a man expressed interest in her.

It's not the same, she tried to convince yourself. He's not Tomas.

Cassian must've expected a heated response to his comment because he looked surprised when Nesta simply stared straight ahead. She seemed to be in a world of her own, oblivious to everything around her. Any trace of anger was gone, replaced by a cool indifference.

Cassian's face fell. "Nesta, I didn't mean to - "

He was cut off as the elevator door dinged opened and Nesta swiftly walked out.

-------------------------------

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