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leviscolwill · 8 months

Text

sanctuary

pairing: jude bellingham x f1 driver!reader

summary: after an eventful singapore gp, the only thing you can think of is your comfy bed but your body has another plan and your boyfriend isn't happy about that. [wc: 1,6k]

req: Ferrari driver reader x jude where she feels a bit dizzy after a race and kind of faints when they get at the hotel, like just fluff with him taking care of her + CAN YOU WRITE JUDE ANGST THEN FLUFF IDC ABT THE SCENARIO JS JUDE ANGST IN JUDE X DRIVER READER 🙏🙏

contents: established relationship, charles is reader's teammate, ferrari being good au (impossible ik), reader faints, jude is a worried bf, barely has angst ngl 🏃‍♀️, nothing else i think

note: i have no idea how to write about fainting and it probably shows. ALSO, i wrote most of this at 1am so i hope it makes sense (probably doesn't but we move😪)

now playing: sanctuary by joji (nectar)

usually you would say you absolutely loved singapore. the track was one of your favourites on the calendar and you practically counted down the days to this race. but this week was probably the most difficult of your entire career in motorsports. of course, marina bay had never been an easy race, and the weather conditions in singapore were only making it harder to handle. but this year, no number of ice bath and cold shower could appease the dizzying headache that plagued your weekend.

and to add to that, everyone at the team has been stressing you out about the championship. obviously, you were grateful that you could finally fight for one, ferrari had built the perfect car this season. but this came with a price, fighting against charles for the title. you were great friends with your teammate but you had to admit your relationship took a toll with the constant tension between the two of you throughout the season. anyone wearing a bright red kit kept reminding you that you needed to be careful on track, that if you crashed with anyone, but especially with charles, you'd be in great trouble.

thankfully your boyfriend joined you after qualifying, and made your weekend instantly better. he noticed something was wrong right away. of course, you told jude about your struggles but he didn't expect to find you in this state.

"maybe you shouldn't race tomorrow..?"

you took a glance at jude, laid down on the hotel room bed, to check if he actually meant what he just uttered only to find a very serious look on his face.

"yeah, i'll just call fred to tell him i'm feeling sick and don't care about the championship anymore, that's definitely the best choice i have." sarcasm dripped out of your words as jude rolled his eyes.

"just because you had a bad day, doesn't mean you have to give me an attitude." it was your turn to roll your eyes. you quietly got under the sheets and muttered a barely audible 'goodnight', clearly not having the energy to argue with him tonight.

as you closed your eyes you felt jude turn around to wrap you in his arms around you.

"i'm just worried for my girl, that's all." he said, softly kissing your hair. you turned around to face him, having to trace his face before finding his lips because of the darkness of the room, and pressed a quick kiss on his lips.

"i appreciate your concern, i really do. but this race is so much more important than a silly headache. i'll be okay." you kissed him again for good measure. "you're gonna have to trust me with this one."

"i always trust you." the two of you talked some more before falling asleep in each other's arms.

—

the only thing you could think of when you stepped out of your car was your bed. as expected the race had been particularly draining and truth be told, you didn't know if you would be able to stand on the podium in your state. you managed to score a satisfying p2, well it would have been more satisfying if charles wasn't standing on the highest step of the podium, with a 4-point difference before catching on you in the driver's standing.

when the whole team congratulated you on your results, it felt like you were in a fever dream, barely making out what was real and what wasn't. you didn't even notice jude talking to you before he snapped his fingers in front of you.

"are you okay ? should i take you to the medics ?" he asked in a worried tone.

"i'm alright... just need to get through the podium." which did not happen. you ran off stage as soon as the italian anthem stopped ringing in your ears. it was all too much, the heat, the noise, the exhaustion, the pressure. all too much to handle for you.

when you joined jude, he was already talking with your pr manager, telling her you wouldn't be able to do any media work right now. it was the truth, not a petty lie to get away with it. you genuinely felt even more lightheaded (if that was possible) at the sole thought of having to go through a dozen interviews.

seeing you barely standing straight must have conceived her, so soon enough you were on your way back to the hotel in a cab jude called.

you quietly laid your head on jude's shoulder. he barely said a word to you since the podium incident, only asking how you felt, if you drank enough water, and how many hours of sleep you had. you watched him as he typed things on his phone in total silence. you wondered if he was mad at you for putting yourself in such a situation or only worried. regardless, you felt a pang of sadness in your heart thinking about it before drifting off.

—

as soon as jude opened your hotel room's door, you felt your legs giving up on you, your hands found the wall to steady yourself. you could hear jude's voice but couldn't make out what he was saying, like you were underwater.

you tried making it to the bed, but you fell down on your knees and just propped your back against it, waiting a minute before getting up, to get your head to stop spinning uncontrollably.

"y/n. are you okay ?" you felt your boyfriend kneeling down next to you and could finally understand his words, but it felt like they were resonating in your brain, only worsening your headache.

"i'm fine, i'm fine... i just need a moment." you didn't want to worry jude more than he already was, although the weak tone of your voice alarmed him more than anything. you felt him shift around you, and caught a glimpse of him coming back from the bathroom before your eyes shut.

when you woke up, you were laid on the bed with a wet cloth on your forehead. and the first thing you saw was a wide-eyed jude handing you a glass of water.

"i thought about making you drink when you were... asleep? but i didn't want to drown you. so i waited for you to wake up." he was talking fast, too fast for you to fully understand his nonsense.

"hello to you too." your voice was still weak but you felt much better than at the race track. you quickly took a few sips of water before jude tried drowning you for good.

"what's that ?" you asked pointing at the cloth still laying on your face.

"some website said that's what you're supposed to do when your irresponsible girlfriend faints." you hid your face in your pillow at his accusatory words.

"no, but seriously y/n. do you have any idea of how worried i was ? imagine if something wrong happened. god, i knew i shouldn't have let you race..." his words had an angry tone to them and you were confused as to why jude was mad at you over hypothetical scenarios.

"but nothing wrong happened, i even got points. are you not proud of me ?"

"are you being serious right now ? you know i'm always proud of you, points or no points. but you think i'm gonna clap for you after putting yourself in danger like that ?" jude's tone got somewhat angrier but he kept going.

"fuck, when you fainted i already saw myself explaining everything to your mum. you can't take those risks, especially when you drive a fast car for a living. you can understand that right ?"

you felt tears well up in your eyes at his words, thinking about how worried he must have been this whole time.

"i'm sorry, it's just... i've been thinking about the championship a lot. i guess that clouded my judgment." you wiped away your tears quickly, before jude could notice them but it was too late.

"hey, hey, hey... you shouldn't be saying sorry to me, you probably spent a worse weekend than i did anyway. i'm not mad at you but at the situation, alright ?" his fingers stroke the wet spots under your eyes, wiping what was left of your tears away. "i'm proud of you, and happy for your points. but you're not winning a championship by making your dangerous job even more dangerous." his voice and his eyes were soft and you felt your chest get significantly warmer.

"you're right..." the room got silent for a couple seconds at your words.

"what was that ? i couldn't hear you babe" jude had a shit-eating grin on his face and you knew exactly what he wanted, and it almost made you physically sick to give him this satisfaction.

"i said... you'reright." you tried getting those terrible words out as fast as you could, but he wasn't happy with that.

"mmh mmh, that won't do... say it nice and loud for me love." you felt your face heat up, both in fluster and embarrassment at his words.

"you're right." your words had a defeated tone to them, but jude decided that would be enough by the way he didn't taunt you anymore.

he moved and got under the covers with you, even though you were gonna have to get up again as you were both still dressed. he just wanted to share this little moment of peace with you.

"you know, it's crazy how you drive the fastest car in the world but can't survive singapore's heat for a weekend." you playfully elbowed jude's ribs at his teasing.

you were grateful to have someone like jude to support you and your intense lifestyle, but also someone to talk about silly little things, legs tangled under the sheets.

415 notes · View notes

c0unt-fagu1a · 1 month

Text

Kyman Headcanons

Kyle monitors Eric's Twitter/X so he doesn't get banned

They probably watch a shit ton of movies, but Kyle heavily dislikes horror movies, and his least favorite is Human Centipede. They've watched it once, and Kyle hates it. He'd leave the room if Cartman ever tried to get him to watch it again

Kyle sends Eric an alarming amount of Instagram reels/TikToks/dumb shit when he's severely bored

Not entirely Kyman, but Eric is genderfluid (Kyle doesn't care as long as they're both comfortable)

After a while, Eric begins to read the Torah (I think that's the name of the Jewish scripture. Please correct me if I'm wrong) (and when I say after a while, I mean six months to a year)

Eric also thinks about openly converting to Judaism (he does!!)

Shockingly, Eric can cook and bake (he's a housewife fr /j)

They have like 5 million cats (2. It's 2 cats.)

Kyle always steals Eric's clothes because they're "dirty" (he wears them)

Eric wears glasses, and though he hates them, Kyle loves them

It's the same with Kyle's hair– Kyle hates his hair, but Eric is actually obsessed over it.

Kyle calls Eric "Eric" when they're alone but "Cartman" in public. He doesn't use many other pet names

Cartman uses a ton of pet names, and they're mostly obnoxious (Kyle love them)

Eric also loves PDA, whereas Kyle pretty much only likes hand holding and a kiss on the cheek in public

Kyle calling Eric "Cartman" is like your parent saying your full name for them

Cartman overexaggerating absolutely everything in their relationship

Eric is a Zodiac Girl

I suggest (later down the line):

Eric is learning how to make traditional Jewish meals, especially for holidays (like Hanukkah). He comes over one winter to celebrate with the Broflovskis. Makes a perfect Latke or whatever it's called.

Sheila isn't pleased to have him over. Kyle thinks it'll be a disaster.

Sheila is very hesitant to try the latkes. She is pleasantly shocked when it's wonderful

Also, Eric gets along with everyone in the Broflovskis family eventually.

He's a sweet and pleasant boy in front of Sheila. An absolute terror with Ike (they probably bond by gaming together), and he's worse when he and Gerald are trolling people online.

Kyle has no idea what or how Eric is getting along, but he's slightly suspicious of it, nonetheless

Eric and Sheila talk about Kyle's hair all the time.

"He's so handsome. I don't know why my little boy hides his curls."

"I know, Mrs. Broflovski. I keep telling him, but he's just so stubborn."

Everyone thinks that Eric's love language is physical touch (because of how he acts in public) it's actually acts of service

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thecontumacious · 2 years

Note

halloooo sandrine~! it's me cookie anon ✨

oh wait, is it alright if i call you by your name? :0

anyway,, i kinda have an idea (a bit sad at the start but it has a happy resolution).

• you can totally skip this if you don't feel like doing it •

i was thinking if it'd be alright to request for shu this time because i learned that he was supposed to be part of the offline collab but wasn't able to due to conflicting schedules... ; - ;

so like, what if since he wasn't able to meet up with nijimilo...y/n surprises him with an offline collab of their own instead so he won't feel sad/lonely/left out ; w ;

no sad shubert, only happi shubert bc shu deserves all the happiness in the world ♡

(aka: cookie anon shu brainrot hours lmao)

thank you as always o7

- cookie anon 🍪✨

(Not) Alone

pairing: Shu Yamino x Streamer!GN!reader a/n: yes u may call me sandrine hehe ALSO FIRST TIME I READ THIS I JUST KNEW THIS AWE MAN POOR SHU :( i hope he can finally have some time to go to an offcollab with everyone as luxiem! while we wait for that, here's something to fill in that gap ;)

warning ahead: this is 4.3k words just so you know that this is not a quick read ^^

reminder that all my work and others in the fandom are purely fiction and intended to entertain, not to be projected irl.

Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN]: sorry guys i can't come this time, schedules and all that :/ Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: aweee that sucks a lot Mysta Rias [NIJISANJI EN]: NOOO BROTHER Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: luca can't come and shu too? Ike Eveland [NIJISANJI EN]: ahhh that's such a shame Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: i'm sorry to hear that you guys:(

and you knew from how shu had been talking to you privately how excited he was to see if he could fit himself between his schedules to meet up with everyone as nina had planned

you of course couldn't come just yet, but with shu being part of luxiem, it was really crucial that he came

the moment he came for his daily discord call with you that day, you can tell from his deflated voice that he was so disappointed

you sigh, leaning a bit closer to the mic, "it's okay, shu. next time, alright? there will definitely be a time where you can finally go. all as one team as luxiem!"

he chuckles, but the joy supposedly associated with the gesture was very faint. seemed like the sorcerer wasn't in his right spirits.

"i hope so. i was really looking forward to it too," shu mumbles

"hey come on, don't be so down. if you're so down, everyone else will be too. look at the bright side, shu! the longer they wait, the more exciting it'll become when you actually do come, right?" you attempt, however once more, that comes fruitless

shu sighs in response. "i guess so, and thank you, y/n, for trying to cheer me up. but i think i just... i need some time. that okay with you?"

hearing his breaking heart made your own shatter to pieces. shu was such a kind and talented person, there's nothing in this world he didn't deserve

at least that's what your biased heart would say

you nod, "mhm, totally fine. you go get some rest and try to take your mind off of it, alright?"

shu bids you goodbye for the day and you're left to your own devices, forced to get back to work and get some stream related things done

continuation utc!

it's pretty obvious how you and shu met

being under the same v-tuber brand, it was easy to meet up with yamino and because of your job, you guys met up often and there was no shortage of you collabing together on each other's channels

the fandom adores you two so much and luxiem loved your company, so it was as if written by fate that you two would connect

initially, you thought shu yamino was pretty cool. and he is!

but then it wasn't just a first impression thing. it was for all the impressions after.

he was humorous, intelligent and witty, absolutely kind and there are times where you just feel like putting your hands on the screen to pinch his cheeks from how cute he is

especially the times where he gets flustered or teased by the chat

did i mention you're the only one who lets you call him nerd without getting mad?

chat usually (jokingly) attacks you for getting that kind of privilege, but it becomes fuel to their fire of adoring you two

"it's just a crush. he's a coworker," you told yourself, catching yourself daydreaming about shu the nth time that week.

but again, like how the stars had scribbled it for you on the pages of your fate, they don't plan on letting you just to have a crush on the sorcerer

as times passes by, more frequent calls, more collabs, you can't help but just ache when shu excuses himself for the day, wishing you goodbye

though most times you dismiss him after that, you'd be lying if you said you wish you could stop him from disconnecting

when days were bad, you find yourself calling out to shu and it doesn't help that he immediately comes to your side without fail

shu became a safe space for you, one you didn't dare let go

a working wifi connection and a device was literally the only way to keep you interacting with shu

would anything change if you were physically there with shu...?

you hoped it would

what would it be like to hold his hand? did he have soft hands or more calloused? probably the former...

you slap yourself on the head, "stop it, y/n. he's your friend and co worker. how could you think like this?"

lady fate says otherwise as she keeps bringing you and shu together.

and today, she's just done it as nina went to private message you.

Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: hey y/n! Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: hey ninaa what's up? Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: i couldn't help but think Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: what if you and shu did an offcollab together? like just you two?

you wished you could kiss nina for that brilliant idea

Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: i thought it was pretty unfair that shu couldn't come and since you and shu are pretty close, i thought i'd pitch that idea in with you if you aren't too bothered by it Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: NINA LEMME KISS YOU THAT'S SUCH A GOOD IDEA! Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: i have a bit of work left to do but once that's done, i can probably schedule a bit of time with shu!! Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: oh that's great!! i'm so glad to hear that >w<

you smile upon the thought of meeting up with shu yamino in real life. a dream wasn't it? you imagine all the things you could do with him

probably a lot of streaming together obviously, trying new things, showing each other what they have in your local regions

but then you had a thought

shu was incredibly sad after he said goodbye to you today

what if

you met up with him as a surprise?

you go back onto discord, texting nina

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: ninaur Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: what's up honey Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: do u think management has shu's address? Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: i think so yeah, why? why not just ask him? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: i plan to make it a surprise actually Nina Kosaka [NIJISANJI EN]: OMG OMG OMG THATS SUCH A GOOD IDEA Y/NNNNN GO FOR IT MANAGEMENT HAS IT I THINK GOGOGO ASK

with nina's support, you immediately go contact management and indeed they did have his address. after hearing your request and reason behind it, they are more than happy to give it you and even wished you good luck

after that, you decided to pretty much speedrun your work while planning up your trip to see shu

book tickets, plan stream schedules, accommodation...

it sounds stressful, but to you, all that is shrouded under the idea of meeting up with shu

thinking that it was good idea to consult to his friends within luxiem first, you went to vox for advice

"hello?" he calls out from the other line

you smile, "hey, vox! sorry, do you have time? i have something to talk about with you."

"oh yeah, i'm free. what's up?"

you tell him of your plans and nina's initial involvement, laying out what your basic idea of what you'd been doing

"holy shit, that's such a good idea. and i could definitely tell shu was genuinely super upset he couldn't come with us this time," he agrees. "i'm sure he'd be really happy to see you, y/n. and are you sure you're here to just cheer him up?"

you could hear the mischief in his voice then and you turn a thousand shades red at what he's insinuating

to be exact, vox actually knew that you were emotionally attached to shu. from the way you behave around him, the way you talk to him, the way you treat him

the demon can definitely see that you have some sort of admiration towards the sorcerer

"oh hush, vox. i just want him to cheer up. when i talked to him today on call, he was so so sad. i couldn't bare to see him like that."

and that was true, this applied to vox as well

"you know, i've never seen anyone care so much about shu. of course, we all care about him, but yours is different, y/n. you know that right?" vox points out

you stay quiet, absorbing his words

perhaps he was correct and maybe it was time to admit so

"maybe. i just... want shu to be happy. i sound selfish but if i could do something about it, i would."

vox chuckles softly, "of course you would. and thank you, for continuing to care and worry about him for us in luxiem. also, y/n, would you consider maybe... confessing to him about this?"

huh??

"vox, no! i could never. he probably doesn't feel the same. he doesn't right?"

now you were just denying your heart's own wishes. of course you hoped shu would feel the same, but something else told you that he probably didn't.

and that maybe it was safer to stay quiet about things

you couldn't take such a risk with shu, one of your closest friends

vox hums, "not exactly my place to tell, love, but i have an inkling that it might be mutual."

"stop joking around, you sadist."

he laughs, "i'm a sadist yes, but no, i'm not joking. i seriously think he might have the same feelings. from the times i watched you and shu stream together, there's something so different about him. like, he... laughs more? he looks so much more like himself when he's around you. and i'm 400 years old so i have valid experience with this."

you roll your eyes, "why thank you, milord. anyway, it's still safer for me to say nothing about it."

vox sighs, "alright fine. but consider to do it one day, okay? you guys have been super close for a long time. i thought this one time you get to see him in person would be a good time to do it."

you see his point, you really do. and you would consider confessing to shu about how you feel if only it weren't because of your damned self esteem

days go by and shu has already started to get back up on his feet. the mention of not going to the offcollab tasted bitter on his tongue but he learned how to cope with it

you on the other hand couldn't wait to board that plane and drive up to his house, surprising him for an offcollab together like what he would've had with the luxiem boys and nina

"you know what, y/n? you seem to be in a very excited mood lately. has something happened that i didn't know of, huh?" shu asks you one day, feigning offense like you have been purposely neglecting to tell him something important

you merely giggle, the surprise hidden beneath your tongue, "you're overthinking things, shu. nothing much has happened. i've just been feeling super happy lately is all."

his momentary silence speaks to you in a way you catch that he's not sure to accept your answer

"okay, i'm glad for that..."

you laugh away at his comment, changing the subject quickly to avoid exposing yourself

and that's it!

today's the day you finally get to see shu!

with the rest of the luxiem boys informed of the wonderful surprise (and vox's never ending teases and encouragement), they send you all their support and you're off to see the sorcerer

you'd caught wind beforehand that today shu would be streaming by the time you got to his house, so you planned to show up at the end of his stream

the entire journey there, your stomach was doing flips and you simply couldn't take off the grin on your face

after reaching land, you catch a cab real quick and make yourself over to shu's address. you check your phone and shu is indeed still streaming, nearing the end of his two hour mark.

it felt as though every step you took was lighter, your heart also beat a lot faster the closer you got

phone in hand, you text shu

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: yo shu, u still streaming? Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN]: yeah just about to end Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: good! Shu Yamino [NIJISANJI EN]: um okay???? why????

but you purposely don't answer him, leaving him confused and even on stream the last you checked it. it left you giggling and when you reach the destination the driver informed you of, you get off quickly

you then ring the doorbell

from the inside of the house, you don't really hear anyone. but after a few minutes, you hear some shuffling and rushed steps towards the door

just like the fast pace of their footsteps, your heart too thumps just as rapidly

there are a few clicks sounding from the door then it swings open

you see pale skin, dark hair adorned with its trademark yellow highlight at the top of his head

and then his purple eyes

you thought they were pretty online, never thought they were mesmerizing in real life though

"y-y/n?????" is the first thing shu says, seeing who it is at the door who dare disturb him during his work. his pointy mouth drops open and for a full minute he doesn't believe what his eyes are perceiving

you wave with the biggest grin on your face, "are you gonna say something, shu?"

he shakes his head out of his trance and without much to say, he lunges forward and squeezes you with all his might

you laugh out loud and hug him back, you were about to let him go when you realize that shu isn't letting go just yet

he keeps holding you and there was not a single opening where he was going to ease the pressure of his embrace

but you weren't complaining either

it was a full few minutes before you feel shu shift, "sorry, i was just... super happy you're here. you of all people."

wh-what did he mean by that?

you giggle nervously, patting his back, "i'm glad. i thought you were so upset you couldn't join the boys for the offcollab so, here i am. actually no, nina came up with idea. i couldn't leave you to be alone, could i?"

shu pulls away and gives you a smile you've never seen on him. or was it because you had never seen him smile in real life...?

whatever it was, the look in his eyes was just so gentle. like you were touching the soft fur of an animal. it brings you warmth. and safety.

"all that matters is that you're here now. thank you for making the time to come," his hold on you lingers, like he was reluctantly letting you go (or you wished it to be). shu gestures towards the inside of his house, "come in! i'll get you a drink. your trip was probably exhausting. you can sit on the sofa."

you nod and make yourself comfortable while shu sees to your beverage done

wow

shu yamino in the flesh

his warm hug from earlier left a pleasant burn on you. you wanted to feel it all over again

later, shu comes in with two glasses of iced water. he places one near you and the other near where he sits.

"man, it's so, so good to see you! you're shorter in real life," he grins

you slap his arm, "oh shut up. i'm not that different."

"hmm, nah."

"shu yamino! is this how you welcome a coworker who's gone overseas for you?"

he shakes his head while laughing, "that was your choice, y/n!"

the teasing aside, you were genuinely having a lovely time with shu around, the unnecessary butterflies flapping about in your stomach. but you didn't mind it this time.

you just had to make sure you'd never feel like this around shu, for his sake. even despite vox's encouragement.

...maybe

"look, i haven't set up next week's schedule yet but i kinda wanna plan our offcollabs together now. you okay with that?" the sorcerer grins, looking at you expectantly. you giggle as you nod. he smiles, "cool! so, where are you staying? a hotel?"

"yeah, it's not too far from here. actually, i should probably go check in--"

as you stood to grab your phone, shu suddenly grabs your wrist. your heart stops for the faintest second

almost as if not realizing what he had just done, he slowly lets go of your hand and looks away.

"sh-shu?" you call out

he clears his throat and offers you a courteous beam, "so-sorry! it's just that um... i thought you could just stay here in the guest room. hotels can be pricey, you know?"

he-

you internally inhale, looking away as your ears turn red.

why did he have to be so kind?

"we-well, i can just cancel my booking then, if you don't mind me staying here."

shu shakes his head rapidly. "no, of course not! i offered after all."

way, way too kind. no, wait he's just being polite... right?

after settling in, your stuff already organized and with shu loyally by your side to make sure you have everything ready. he asked if you needed more towels, any extra chargers, toothbrushes and the like...

your heart simply couldn't take it when he continued to fuss if you had everything you needed

"shu, i'm good. i promise. i properly packed my things," you touch shu's shoulder, giving him a reassuring smile in hopes he could finally calm down

he laughs, rubbing a spot at the back of his head, embarrassed. "sorry, it's just that it's been a while since i had someone over to stay. and it's you no less."

every time he said that like you were some special vip coming to his house made you feel like one, as much as your little crush on him said.

the first night at shu's house was mostly just staying in. with shu even cooking dinner for you

you never figured he was a decent cook, mentioning once that his go-to meal was instant noodles

that night, he also invited you to play together for the first time

sure, you two played a lot online but it's always different when you play games together in real life. as shu's eyes focus on the screen with much intensity, you couldn't help but giggle to yourself, catching his attention immediately

he raises an eyebrow at you, "hm? what's up with you?"

you pause, closing your mouth with your hands. it doesn't help that your face is bright red

well, shu just caught you giggling to yourself looking at him. why wouldn't you?

"no-nothing! just thought of something funny is all," you lie through your teeth. but knowing shu, he probably saw right through you

he stares at you head on and you start to feel antsy

"shu...?"

now it's his turn to change red?

stop beating so fast, heart.

for a full minute, you and shu swapped no words with each other, broken only by an incoming discord message from your phone

you look down and see it's from vox

Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: hey love how's it going with shu? met up with him okay?

you gulp, stealing a glance at the still red shu before deciding to message vox back

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: yeah! he let me crash at his guest room instead of a hotel Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: oh he did, did he? i see:) Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: shut up vox he's in the same room as me rn Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: OH HE IS, IS HE? Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: y/n my dear do u kno how proud i am of you for progressing so far? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: VOX U BETTER SHUT UP BEFORE I BLOCK U Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: hey now no need to play dirty with your long time buddy vox eh? anyway Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: have you finally considered actually confessing to him soon?

you blink and bite your lip.

the idea was scary, intimidating. all for the right reasons.

shu was your closest friend and one you wouldn't want to lose all because of your silly little crush on him.

okay not little but still

then again, if he was a good friend, he'd just gently reject you and still be friends anyway right? there was no way shu would slowly distance himself from you because of all that

"y/n?" the said man calls out to you, finally breaking the terribly uncomfortable silence. you hum, looking up at him. "you sort of just... zoned out there. you good?"

remembering again that you were still there with shu, you shake your head and slowly stood

"i'm alright, i promise," you reassure him, holding your phone to your stomach. "i'll be back in a minute okay? i gotta respond to this real quick."

without rly waiting for his response, you rush out of the room and into the far end of the hallway

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: sorry i needed to get out of the room for a sec Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: and here i thought u actually confessed Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: vox istg Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: u kno what nvm serious talk Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: what would happen if he rejects me? Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: hmmm idk for sure but y/n i feel like he's gonna accept you. he probably has a crush on you too you know Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: like i said a few weeks back, i see the signs on him Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: just answer the question will you? i just wanna be sure Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: alright finee Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: in my opinion shu wouldn't be the type to suddenly not be friends with you anymore Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: he's a pretty chill guy and would never want to hurt anyone, especially you Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: you rly think so? Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: yep that's what i think

so, maybe... maybe it was actually okay to confess to him soon?

in the end, you were only afraid that you'd lose shu as a friend if things went awry

knowing that he'd still be there for you like before even after the confession made it seem less daunting

if only by a bit

you sigh, your head starting to feel heavy

Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: alright fine i'll think about it Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: for real?? Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: yeah just not today Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: okay if u say so love, take it easy Vox Akuma [NIJISANJI EN]: i believe in you and shu Y/N L/N [NIJISANJI EN]: thanks vox that means a lot

and you really did think about it for the next few days

when you went to bed the first night, your hands were sweaty at the thought of confessing to shu about how you feel

in the morning, your head pounded because of the lack of sleep but it soon washed away when you saw shu with a slight bedhead and only in his pajamas

it made you smile and your teeth rotten at the sweet sight

but this reminds you of what vox told you last night, thus now your head is filled with nothing but that

the first few streams went successful too! the yaminions and your own fandom were thrilled to see you having an offcollab as the other luxiem members had their own

to the chat, it seemed not too different from how you and shu would collab online

but to you?

you wished it could be like this for as long as the world let you

his smile, his jokes, his voice, the way sometimes his hand would brush against yours, the way he taught you patiently about a game you could not get the hang of

geez

it all toppled over inside you, your feelings

until you simply couldn't handle it anymore

shu noticed this unfortunately, touching your shoulder to catch your attention as you two sit casually to rest after a stream

you turn to him. "yeah?"

"you seem to be distracted lately. are you actually okay?" his brows furrow with concern and the beating of your heart quickens more than usual

it felt like vox's words were tugging at you, urging you to tell shu how much you wish you could be more than friends, how you wish you could protect his smile and be the selfish reason you make him so happy

if shu wasn't here, it would honestly make you cry at the reality those were not real

you take a long deep breath in and take shu's hand off your shoulder, your fingers enjoying the momentary smooth skin of shu (a quality of his you had discovered yesterday) before placing it down on his lap.

you smile and began, "shu, i have to tell you something."

sensing this was no joke, shu put away his phone and properly faced you.

he returns your smile, nodding at you expectantly

"okay," you whisper to yourself. then you look him in the eye, "shu yamino. i... i've been crushing on you for a long time."

then the smile on the sorcerer falters

confidence -1

but you decide to pull through. "si-since a few months after we met. i thought it was just admiration. i tried to control it because you were a coworker. but i just couldn't. i kept falling and it wasn't until a couple weeks before i left to come here that vox encouraged me to confess."

shu still wasn't saying anything.

confidence -5

"on the first night staying here, vox actually texted me about it. that's when i thought, 'fine, i'll do it.' so... yeah, here i am," you squeeze your eyes shut for a bit, then open them back while hoping that shu was finally going to say something

but still, much to your heart's dismay, his lips are sealed shut

honestly, you didn't know what else to say either

sh-should you just give him time to find an answer?

you gulp, reaching out to shu, "hey--"

"sorry."

you pause

"i-i don't think i feel the same."

part 2 here!

Masterlist!

#author chan’s delivery service 🧺#nijisanji en #luxiem #luxiem x reader #shu yamino #shu yamino x reader #yaminoart #shu yamino fluff #shu yamino imagines #author chan’s delivery service ?

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loife1m · 17 days

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Ok..I want to come clean. I have a confession and yes it's anon only because yes everyone's right I'm nothing but a coward. I was ONE of the haters, NOT the one who asked you to kys or cheater or any of those ones I just wrote the cringeeee or something like that, just that one, ik it will be hard for you to or anyone to trust in me but if you could it would mean alot. I could see the hate happening so I just wrote that one thing without paying heed i thought it was funny, im extremely stupid and definitely need to be more understanding and considerate of others feelings and situations. I know I have done the worst thing ever by validiting the hater.suddenly when i saw today,things took such a drastic unexpected turn, something I had not even thought would happen in the worst of worst situations (ik it was very stupid of me to not consider others or their feelings). I am really really really very very extremely extremely sorry. I k it means nothing, its like pouring a glass of water in an ocean.I don't know what to say honestly I can't believe it infact. I just thought it would be insignificant and not matter much but I just can't brush off the feeling that I am in fact very much in a way responsible for your decision. I can't tell how much I regret my one word and I will never forget how my stupid ask which I thought was funny would have a role in taking such a young person's life. I apologize for all the hate you have ever received. I don't know what to say honestly, I don't think I deserve to say anything too. I am deeply ashamed and realize the depth of a simple message and how much adverse effects it can have. I promise to never hate on anyone again ever just for the fun and thrill of it. You have thought me one of the most greatest lessons of my life. I will never forgive myself for my stupidity of supporting the other hater(s) instead of telling you otherwise that too without even knowing you. I am ready to hear whatever you and your friends want to call me. I deserve it. But I really am sorry and I will never forget the feeling I felt when I got to know what happened I promise my heart dropped. Please never never ever do something like this again. From my experience it was fun because you reacted to it. If you hadn't it would have made me kind of sad and impatient . Haters WANT you to react no matter how much you get spammed delete them. Your life is important. Never give it up especially not for such people(such as me). I didn't even mean it, so probably neither did they, don't take things so seriously people just want to waste their time, don't let them waste yours. Your life is precious, unlike all those opinions. I am so relieved to know your ok otherwise the guilt would be too much for me to bear my entire life. please take good care of yourself and never let yourself down. I hope all your dreams come true, I really do. I know you may really be angry reading all this, I know I have absolutely no right to say a word or act like I care, but trust me I am not a bad person, just a foolish one, a really foolish person. I am ready for all your curses. Curse out as much as you want, let all your anger out. I am not doing any of this for sympathy, I genuinely care. I am again very very sorry. I will never forget this incident or you my whole life, and I will defend anyone I find in a place like you were in. Sorry.

dear anon,

im really just, so glad you had the courage to come clean. not many have that, yknow? we all do hateful and stupid, disgusting things in life…what matters most is if you own up to your actions, which I see you did. and you know what? your apology meant so so much to me. really, so much. a lot. thank you for apologizing.

im glad you came to me for this. and yes, you did something wrong, but youre owning up to it so yes, you can say something. always. and you know what? this is extremely brave of you! and I’d appreciate if no one called this anon mean things—they deserve to be respected now.

thank you for sharing your experience, I’ll keep it in mind :) and…im not angry. actually, im kind of relieved you came clean. im thankful you realised that this wasn’t the way to go and apologised. that was awesome of you, actually.

I forgive you, anon. and we can even be friends, if you like.

#loife answers #ask #thank you #this means so much to me

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coraphoenix · 1 year

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ik everybody was like "oml simping for rooster/bob/hangman/coyote/insert man here" but like... can we give big ups to monica barbaro for clearly playing someone who is definitely different to herself in very key ways, most noticeably in physicality? the way phoenix walks and sits and holds herself feels very specific to phoenix/natasha trace, and that is so cool! of! her!

(also apparently she was a badass in the backseat and never got too nauseous, which, also cool)

YES! YES! YES! Anon, I hope you're ready for me to ramble a bit. I first watched TGM in early June, and Phoenix was one of the first characters that stayed with me after I had left the cinema. I wasn't sure what it was at first, but as someone in the writing industry, I took that as my excuse to go back and rewatch the movie and analyze it. That's another path I won't go down for now.

But Phoenix as a character, from my perspective as an audience member, was great! When I first began to really think on why I liked her, I realized that she wasn't annoying. "What do you mean by that, Raven?" you ask. Well, a lot of films and TV series try so hard to be "empowering" and "feminist" that they often end up doing the exact opposite by absolutely annoying the audience and making the female character way too arrogant and flashy. Phoenix was as much a part of the group as all the others. In that bar scene, which is impeccable from a writing point of view by the way because of how it introduces 7 people in a couple of minutes, the positioning of the characters and their dialogue immediately makes us pick up on certain things subconsciously. For instance, Phoenix walks in with Fanboy and Payback walking ever so slightly behind her. It's a quiet nod to her as the "leader" of their little friend group and also tells us more about Payback and Fanboy. When Hangman baits her within a second of seeing her, she's annoyed yes, but also a little amused, which makes us think, "Oh, she's confident. She's got her shit together even in the face of someone as cocky as Hangman." She's smart and doesn't underestimate Maverick, which Monica speaks about in this interview. Phoenix establishes herself as capable in our minds, and when she tells Rooster, "I'm going on this mission," we're not thinking pfft. Right! Instead, we're accepting it as a very probable outcome because she's shown that she's fit for the mission. Her immediate appraisal of Bob at the bar is another great indicator of her character, going back to her not underestimating anyone. While everyone is amused by his callsign and maybe making fun of him for it a little, she finds a way to include him while also challenging him, almost like she's saying Do you have what it takes? Show me.

Now onto Monica, I will never shut up about what a great job she did with Phoenix! As you said anon, one of the most noticeable things is the physicality. The way Phoenix walks and stands (which @autumntouched has also mentioned) serve to further characterize her and make our minds subconsciously form a certain opinion of her. Again I could talk about this for hours, but I don't want to bore you all. I've watched so many interviews that had me in awe of Monica tbh. All of the cast and some of the people who have worked with them on the film have attested to how well she handled the G's. Glen often mentions how she was practically surpassing them all with the flight stuff and that he had trouble keeping up with her. Honestly, I'm in awe of her even as a ballet dancer because that takes so much effort and practice. So yeah, I'm in absolute awe of Monica, and I can't imagine anyone else better suited for the role of Phoenix. Her dedication to the role and understanding of its impact is so beautiful, and I think that is a big part of why a lot of us love Phoenix. Monica also mentions how Phoenix is a pilot that happens to be female, and that's why she's playing her. There aren't things that set her apart in terms of skills etc. in the film!

Okay, that's it for now!

#raven rambles #anon asks #natasha phoenix trace #natasha trace #monica barbaro

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lemonhemlock · 1 year

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I dont see Helaena cheating. I see her having feelings for Aemond both romantic and sexual in nature but I don't see her cheating. And IK people bring up the "so you don't want female characters to have agency and sexually fulfilled lives? So you think only men are allowed to cheat? So you think all people with autism are aroace robots with no interest in sex?" arguments and I believe some anti-helaemonds genuinely smack of that kind of thinking, but something it's simply: I just don't think Heleana is that kind of character from what we have gotten. Helaena not cheating doesn't mean all real woman cant ever cheat or all female characters cant ever cheat, its just in Helaena's case she does not. There are female characters who cheat, not as many as men, but they're there. I don't see why Helaena specifically not cheating would be such a big blow? Is it because of the autism? In that case the scarcity of autistic characters should be criticised IMO; we shouldn't need to make one autistic fill a niche by herself. Thats just sad tbh.

It's the only reason I don't believe anything happened between Helaemond on the show and will be very surprised if it has or will unless helaena does a 180, which IG could be a kinda fun angle - her becoming more like Aegon/a Dragon. But there's so much gonna be going on I don't know if we need this. I'm just a little sick of Aemond I guess.

Just to maybe drop a different perspective.

hey there, i want to take this opportunity to assure everyone that, with all my ranting, i'm not really a prescriptivist person, bent on shaping the way people interact with their chosen piece of media :)

so, if that's your interpretation of helaena's character, that's completely fine in my book, and you are entitled to your headcanons. don't get me wrong here, i'm not trying to police the way people consume fiction or how they like to play in their own sandboxes, lord knows there is enough room for all of us under the sun. so, if you think that she wouldn't cheat for various reasons, i'm not here to contradict your view specifically and tell you you're wrong. our opposing opinions can co-exist just fine in the space-time continuum. :))

personally speaking, i interpret their social & familial roles breaking down so much within this cycle of generational inbreeding that whatever this is doesn't even register as cheating anymore since the regular boundaries start bleeding into one another. but that's bc that's what i find a really cool idea to explore, others can and should come up with their own takes

i only take issue with a certain type of moral framework that excludes all other possible interpretations bc it doesn't fall within whatever the circulated papal bull stipulates at the moment. especially when it's over really silly stuff like this. meaning to say that other people are not stupid or badly-intentioned or sinister or secret team black sleeper agents :)) for enjoying alternative possibilities. and, i have to say, it does feel really kind of rotten when you hear how other greens talk about helaemonds like they carry the plague, bc i think there are some really lovely people in this little internet niche that could contribute in a lot of positive ways to the fandom.

i, for one, can't control how people choose to judge me for not shutting up about this (lmao this really unintentionally feels like coming out, which is absolutely ridiculous, touch-grass-levels), but i'd think it rather childish if 1. i felt force to go underground and lie about it so people wouldn't blacklist me for this dumb reason and 2. i couldn't really engage in other ways bc people formed this unfair opinion that i'm some tainted radioactive waste. i write a lot of meta on a lot on topics and i enjoy talking to a wide range of people, which is why i rarely even block, so, that's just a personal disappointment i would have as a fandom navigator.

at the end of the day, it's.... you know, whatever, as far as i'm concerned, because i have a big mouth anyway and i don't really shut up IRL either, so, in that regard i had to already teflonize myself. but i feel like a lot of users are held back from participating and being more active for fear of judgment, which is just a damn shame, as the toxic voices always tend to drown out the ones who would really help turn this place into a more pleasant experience for everyone

so, what can i say, i'm a big softie, y'all

#hugs for everyone etc #ask #anon #helaemond #it's barely even monday & i'm already causing waves

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elahollander · 1 year

Text

Tom, You okay?

Warnings: ANGST, swearing

TW: Family abandonment, Mentions of abortion

Summary: Just wait and see ;)

I was backstage of the Ellen Show (yes ik it ended but it's just for the purpose of the story.) I was so nervous, it might be because I'm going on national television..... and telling everyone you were preganant with Tom Holland's baby. Not even my boyfriend knew, he was in for one heck of a surprise.

Please welcome the Spider Man No Way Home Cast Members, Tom Holland, Y/N Y/L/N, Zendaya, and Jacob Batalon! Ellen yelled as we all emerged from backstage smiling and waving. "Welcome wonderful people, thank you for joining me today." Ellen said with a smile, and my stomach was in knots.

~~~

"And before we end today's show we have one more announcement." Ellen said with a smirk, "Y/N would you like to tell Tom something." I just smiled nervously and grabbed Tom's hand. "What is it, Love." he said with his beautiful smile "Baby if you say you're pregnant." he said laughing. "Haha, you guessed it!" I said with a small smile. "WHAT!?!" Zendaya said jumping out of her seat and running over to hug me. "Haha, I'm happy too Z" you turned back to Tom and he looked stunned, and not in a good way. "Tom, you okay?" you asked nervously, trying not to stutter. "U-uhm y-ya, I'm good, just uhm excited is all." he said stuttering, you knew something wasn't right, but I guess no one else caught on, so you went forward.

After the show was over you were taking your makeup off in the dressing room when you heard a knock on the door. "Come in." you said not taking your eyes off the mirror, Tom came in and sat down on the sofa in the room. "Hey, can we talk?" your heart dropped all the way into your stomach, the four words you never wanted to hear come out of Tom's mouth. "Uhm ya, what's up." you said fidgeting with your fingers, not daring to look Tom in the eyes. "I'm not ready for a baby, so we should get rid of it." he said still nervous about how this would play out. "What? Absolutely not, this is my baby that I am going to raise." I said with confidence, not acknowledging the fear in me. "Y/N, I am still building my career, and I don't have time for a baby!" he said starting to raise his voice, "Get rid of it... or we are done." I couldn't believe what he had just said, but I knew I had to do the right thing. "Okay." you saw hope in his eyes, "Then get out." I said sternly, and the hope faded. "But baby-" he tried to argue, but I was over it. "I SAID GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY ROOM!" I yelled at Tom, with tears streaming down my face "Oh- uhm so-sorry." he said standing up from the sofa making his way toward the door. "Wait, Tom." I said not looking up from the floor, "Ya?" the hope came back into his eyes "I shouldn't have shouted, but please leave." I said, which made the hope fade from his eyes once again. "It's alright. Bye, love." he said sadly.

As soon as the door shut I fell to the floor sobbing, this baby was mine, to raise all alone. I had no one to help me, but I had to figure out how to do this right, alone.

Part two where they make up? lmk!!

#tom holland angst #tom holland #sad #read right now #sorry for swearing

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the-lincyclopedia · 2 years

Note

4, 5, 6, 35 (IK it's not mine; that's okay XD), 43, 48, 50? :))

4. Do you write original stories as well?

Yes! I'm hoping to start draft three of the novel I'm working on soon, and I'm waiting to hear back from an anthology where I submitted a short story. Usually fandom gets my energy for short pieces of writing and original stuff gets my long-form energy; the fact that I'm trying to be a novelist is one of the reasons I don't write multi-chapters anymore.

5. What fanfic of yours should everyone have read?

This question makes it sound like I expect people to already be familiar with my work, which feels kind of arrogant to me. Assuming it's asking what fic I'd like everyone to read . . . see, I still want to let people pick and choose (and avoid stuff they're not going to enjoy or that they might find triggering)!

That said, I think I'm going to rec "To Every Single Kid I Used to Be" here. It has a much higher ratio of comments to hits than most of my other stuff, meaning that fewer people have read it than have read a lot of my other fics, but a lot of the people who read it wanted to let me know how much they liked it. It's a Jack Zimmermann character study, and I highly recommend bringing tissues given that most of the commenters say they cried (but also felt happy/hopeful at the end).

6. What is a fandom you will never write for?

Uh . . . it's hard to know where my obsessions will take me next, and I've definitely eaten my words before when it comes to thinking I wouldn't get into something. I guess I'm pretty confident I won't get into Hannibal? A friend from another fandom got really into Hannibal and never tagged their posts, and eventually I had to unfollow because some of that stuff really turned my stomach.

35. What is your favorite review?

Honestly, your comment was very very sweet! "I'm not even in this fandom" comments are very special and I definitely don't get them often!

That said, probably the most gobsmacked I've ever been by a fic comment was when I got this one (on "To Every Single Kid I Used to Be," actually):

I reread (and finished) the comic after I put it down 5 years ago and I didn't really mean to end up on ao3 but I had to see what kind of things people were writing about Jack being autistic (I refused to believe people just wearnt writing autistic jack of course) and shit. Not only is this an incredibly creative way to tell a story. It's a very fitting way to tell Jacks story specifically. This was absolutly wonderful. I had to take a break in the middle bc of how emotional I was, I still ended up crying. Thank you so much for this. I genuinely don't know if I'll read another OMGCP fic I've read two after this reread (yours being one of them) and they've just been so perfect I don't know that I need to read anything else. This was absolute brilliance. Thank you. Thank you so much.

Like, I genuinely don't know how to be worthy of this.

(Runner up to this comment on "Face the Future with You":

I havent even actually started reading this fic yet but i thought you might enjoy the fact that i'm BIG dumb and thought the name of this series was "Neurodivergent Zombies" and i was looking at the tags like 'it doesn't mention that this is a zombie apocalypse au'

Very excited to read this Zombie-Free fic tho

Just. The pure hilarity.)

43. Guilty pleasure tropes and scenarios?

When I got this one earlier I said insecurity, but now I'm thinking about tropes, and honestly? If you do it well, you can definitely throw the kitchen sink at me: fake dating, only one bed, amnesia, whatever your heart desires. I adore fic tropes (though I read them MUCH more than I write them).

48. What is your favorite sentence that you’ve used in a fanfic?

Oh wow! I have over 400k on AO3, so that's a big question. The first thing that comes to mind is "Caroline’s laugh tinkles like glass breaking, musical and jagged and dangerous," which is from "The Difference an Evening Can Make," one of my Lizzie Bennet Diairies fics. I want to think there are better sentences in some of my other stuff, but honestly I feel like I'm better at the story level than at the sentence level.

50. Can we get a teaser for an upcoming chapter?

I'm not really working on anything at the moment. The only thing in my Google Drive that I think has a particularly high chance of getting finished is the sequel to my summer camp AU, and I haven't touched it in a while, so who knows. Anyway, here's a snippet:

They reach the lake and walk out onto the dock. As they lay down next to each other, Jacques says, “Can I ask why you wanted to get out, or is that too personal?”

Bitty tries to shrug. It doesn’t work very well given that gravity is pressing his shoulders into the wooden slats of the dock. “It’s okay. I’m gay, and I’m not out to my parents. Honestly, I don’t think the camp I’ve worked at would ever have hired me if they’d known. I could handle it when I was in high school--I’d never come out to anyone--but now I’ve moved out and come out to my college friends, and I just didn’t want to go back into the closet for a whole summer.”

“Yeah. I get that,” Jacques says. “The closet is even less fun to return to than it is to live in the first time.”

“Oh!” says Bitty. “Are you--I mean, sorry; I shouldn’t ask--”

Jacques chuckles. “I’m bi. I’m, uh. Honestly I’m more public about it here, with the other staff, than I am at school. My parents have known since I was 17, but . . . well, let’s just say that it’s not exactly rare for American guys who voluntarily learn French to be some variety of queer. Actually, sometimes when I’m here I have to explain that I’m not gay. Which is very much not what it’s like at school.”

“Where do you go to school?”

“UW-Madison,” Jacques says. “It’s . . . I mean, it would probably be fine if I weren’t on the hockey team. I mean--shit. That sounded terrible. I like that I’m on the hockey team. I like playing hockey. I just. My teammates, sometimes, I guess . . .”

“I get it,” Bitty says. “I play hockey, too.”

“Really?” Jacques sounds surprised. “But you’re . . .”

“Tiny, I know,” Bitty cuts in, chuckling. “And fast as hell, thank you very much. With very soft hands.”

Get in on the ask game!

#a lin original #ask game #omgcp #omgcheckplease #check please #lbd #lizzie bennet diaries #fandom life #fandom stuff

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theangiediary · 2 years

Text

1x02 rewatch let's goooo

- Jess's grave (in Sam's dream) has a crucifix and virgin Mary candle, indicating she or her family were catholic.

- "I should have told you the truth" Sammy...

- Dean has never offered to have Sam drive? Lmao. HC that Sam literally does not possess a valid license.

- "Dad will have answers he'll know what to do" vs Sam immediately questioning the coordinates.

- Dean looks so itty bitty next to Sam in the ranger station.

- he looks so amused/proud of Sam taking on the "shoot first ask questions later" attitude 😭

- people focus on Dean calling Hailey "sweetheart" as evidence that he/spn is sexist but like? the whole first introduction he's relating to her as a protective older sibling.

- "it's probably something corporeal" "corporeal? excuse me, professor" "shut up" brother dialogue my beloved <3

- "if it's corporeal we can kill it" the predecessor to "if it bleeds you can kill it".

- lmaoooo biker boots, jean, Impala on the dirt road I am obsessed with how the show does point out how ridiculous this is. Ik some people are like "they shouldn't have gotten away with being fbi agents looking like that" but like they really didn't! A lot of side characters were sceptical in s1.

- "what kind of furry critters do you hunt?" + Turning Roy's response of buck/bear to bambi/yogi... Dean has such an interesting way of speaking. It's somewhat infantalising and just full of media references.

- "probably the most honest I've been with a woman.. ever" we learn later that this isn't true, so like. When I say you can't take Dean at his word...

- again, the provisions comment. It's not misogyny, it's charming. There is a difference.

- Dean can track? but doesn't even bring water? I'm so confused by their training.

- Sam's bde ♥️🥰❤️

- Dean just watching Sam go at Roy right until he was going to reveal the supernatural. He is one of us (mean!sam girlie). Also very funny that the next scene is dean putting down symbols for protection.

- "You want to tell me what's going on in that freaky head of yours?" Dean just really likes calling Sam a freak, huh? Lol. Also, the idea that Dean never talks about feelings... like he's trying. He doesn't talk about his, sure maybe, but if Sammy is distressed he does need to fix it.

- someone said recently that Sam has always been comfortable with "we can't save everyone" philosophy, and that is so true! Even here, he's willing to get Haley and others to safety, but that's it. He doesn't care about being nice about it, nor about saving Tommy.

- "Saving people hunting things" obviously iconic. But also, it's an interesting example of Dean extrapolating John's wishes on very little info, and Sam demanding answers/specifics ("why doesn't he just tell us what he wants?").

- Dean talking about "you can't be angry you have to be patient, help others because we ourselves are doomed, have fun with the killing" 🥴🫠

- rosary in the journal...

- observation: Sam takes the more emotional victims (traumatised survivor) and Dean takes the "tough" ones (breaking news about supernatural to family member, authority figures)

- okay, valid criticism of spn? absolute bastardisation of religions/cultures. A lot of supernatural or fantasy media does this, and I'm not sociologically adept enough to talk about it, but like. Acknowledging.

- the little brothers saving their big siblings 🥺

- we talk a lot of their faces during the flare gun moment, but I highly recommend relistening to it... Sam's smug "those will work" is 😳

- "you thinking what I'm thing?" "I think so" the way they know each other.... for hunting. as people? It takes a couple seasons. But aliases, strategy, etc they are in sync.

- "you want some white meat bitch?!" god I miss the naughties, you just can't say that shit anymore

- all three of them huddled behind Sam. He big.

- Sam standing behind the quiet youngest delivering the "grizzly" story to the cops after.. helping him lie...

- brainworms at "must you cheapen the moment?" bc yeah Dean's cocky and a flirt etc but the way he does it in a look, the way he's sitting during rather than crowding her, the little shocked face he makes when she does kiss his cheek 🥹 these are important details!! This is the difference between charm and grossness!

- much talk about the "I'm driving" look (as it should be) but are you aware it lasts a full 5 seconds........

#spn rewatch #spn meta #not really but for future ref

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leejihoonownsmyheart · 6 months

Note

🫨 anon if u see this we can cry together when we see that theres no brie updates😭 and pls i am not getting enougb sleep somehow im sleeping less

'#SHUA STANS ARE EITHER COMPLETELY VANILLA OR ABSOLUTE FREAKS' i think its racist to judge me based on my man💔

OKAY BUT NO PLEASE HEAR ME OUT IM NOT KINKY LIKE THE ONLY REASON WHY I READ PATHETIC OR UR FANFICS IS BECAUSE THEYRE WELL WRITTEN BUT IM NOT KINKY

like the jeonghan fanfic u made recently w anal i literally acted like it wasnt anal while reading it bc i hate anal IM NOT KINKY I JS LIKE UR FANFICS BECAUSE YOURE GOOD AT WRITING

taking bdsm quiz while writing this bc i need to prove im not kinky

94% Switch 91% Brat 75% Submissive 71% Dominant 70% Masochist 65% Experimentalist 59% Degradee 50% Vanilla 49% Degrader 47% Brat tamer 38% Sadist 36% Master/Mistress (me personally i dont like this) 35% Slave 35% Primal (Prey) 26% Primal (Hunter) 25% Owner 18% Rigger (me personally i dont like this) 9% Pet 8% Daddy/Mommy (me personally i dont like this) 8% Rope bunny (me personally i dont like this)

i didnt paste the ones i got 0 on but i dont think these are kinky 😭 im gna make irl A do this test bc i have to prove shes kinky

okay but me personally i hate the terms daddy/mommy n the master/mistress shit i js hate it AND I HATE I MEAN HATE PET SHIT LIKE PLS IDK HOW THATS EVEN ON THERE and lowk i dont like bondage so rigger and rope bunny gotta be a nono for me

`#EXPERIMENTALISM = EVENTUAL KINKY BASTARD` TRUST ME ITS ONLY BC IM OKAY W TRYING THINGS BUT I USUALLY HATE THEM AND WONT DO IT AGAIN

PLS ALSO I HAD TO EXPLAIN MY RESULTS TO MY IRL😭 shes a little slow okay so i had to explain all of them but shes taking the test rn so ill write her results down here too pls shes taking so long so this ask is taking a lot longer than it should😭 she did the longer ver and i did the short one but here it finally is

95% Submissive 76% Masochist 71% Vanilla 66% Brat 56% Rope bunny 55% Boy/Girl 51% Experimentalist 44% Primal (Prey) 27% Slave 26% Master/Mistress 24% Degradee 19% Switch 19% Pet 14% Sadist 12% Rigger 10% Degrader 8% Dominant 7% Owner 6% Daddy/Mommy 4% Primal (Hunter) 2% Ageplayer she says that she thinks masochist should be lower, shes def not an experimentalist (i think she lowk is tho) and shes 100% not ageplayer, pet, rigger, or rope bunny and i can stand w her on that bc ik fs shes none of those 4

BUT LOWK IM DEF LESS KINKIER THAN HER SO 🔥🔥

- 🤤 anon pls this ask actually took an hour to do sincde i had to take the test then wait for my irl to do the test😭

I'm glad that at the very least... You two have each other :) AND PLEASE HOW ARE YOU SLEEPING LESS!!

Call me racist for judging you based on your man and I will wear that badge with pride. I will 100% of the time judge someone based on their bias IM SORRY BUT IF THE SHOE FITS-

UH HUH OKAY SUREEEE.... I will give you the anal thing too, I used to watch hella hentai with anal and I just smiled and pretended that wasn't what it was.... So.... I get it actually BUT I STILL THINK YOU ARE KINKY

There's something that should be studied about brats... Like... There's something about wanting to defy your partner for fun... There's SOMETHING THERE AND YOU AT 91% BRAT.... I gotta say. I GOTTA SAY these days I'm thinking about bdsm charts as if they're natal charts... what's wrong with me...

SOME PARTS OF THE TEST I FEEL DON'T WORK SUPER WELL BECAUSE OKAY YES HELLO makemegetonmykneesputmeinacollarandmakemebarkandcrawl BUT I don't want to eat food out of a bowl on the floor... uh yeah i stand by that

ILL BE CHECKING BACK WITH YOU ON THIS KINKY THING IN A FEW YEARS BECAUSE WHILE THIS WON'T BE EVERYONE'S EXPERIENCE MY BFF IN HIGH SCHOOL WENT FROM VANILLA ASS RESULTS TO FULL KINKY BASTARD AFTER HER FIRST BOYFRIEND...

What I think is funniest about you telling me your results is that you FULL BLASTED YOUR FRIENDS RESULTS TO ME AND THANK YOU FOR DOING SO I FEEL LIKE I AM ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS AND WE ARE AT A SLEEPOVER AND WE'RE SHOWING TEST RESULTS HAHA

and you know what, people often judge bdsm test results by the amount of green, yellow, and red, so like people tend to see like three green thinks and everything else is yellow and red and think that person is less kinky and lowkey.... those low percentages from your friend.... kinda seeming like you are the most kinky one IM SORRY TO SAY IT.

#b: 🤤 anon #IM SO SORRY THAT IT TOOK YOU AN HOUR BUT WHEN I SAY IT WAS WORTH IT FOR ME #IT WAS WORTH IT FOR ME

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isaacapatow · 8 months

Text

* * #IKE'S APARTMENT CONVO WITH @salemcampbell

Salem Campbell: -knocks on the door a little bit harder than necessary, before crossing his arms, tapping his foot-

Ike: -answers the door already groaning in irritation, hopping on one foot as he's getting his hightop converse sneakers on- What? What the hell is it that people need to come to my god damn doorstep for? I get like three hours of downtime a day, can't you respect that?

Salem Campbell: -let's out a short huff- respect? You wanna complain about respect? You?

Ike: -blinks at Salem, too disoriented to sort this out- Just tell me. I don't have the brainpower for twenty questions. -steps out, shutting the door behind him, an unspoken signal that he doesn't intend to be in this conversation long-

Salem Campbell: -let's out a mocking chuckle, shaking his head- Mind telling me where Ares is? It's about him, he should hear it.

Ike: -folds his arms, taking his time answering- He's around. Somewhere.

Salem Campbell: Oh yeah he's somewhere. Outside of Redwood. Without you.

Ike: -doesn't say anything. he smiles, instead, very slowly, and jerks his chin in Salem's direction: another unspoken challenge. Prove it.-

Salem Campbell: -stares back at him- Security saw him leave with Orion about an hour ago. I'll make sure security is gonna catch them when they come back through the main gate. Stop playing fucking games, Ike.

Ike: It's under control. -drops the smile, eyebrows level and heavy as he stares at Salem- I have it under control. It's my business, Salem, and if I decide that we need Ares working without being attached to my ass all the time, then that's my prerogative. Or did you forget I'm his fucking boss?

Salem Campbell: -straightens himself up- It isn't your prerogative. The council made the decision that you'd keep track of him through the ankle monitor, unless that conveniently slipped your mind. And if it did, maybe you shouldn't be the boss of anyone.

Ike: The Council made a decision to set one person's fears at ease. I made a decision about the manpower needed to keep everyone stocked with the things we need to survive. -holds his hands palms up like a scale, weighing and then dropping one hand much lower, widening his eyes with a grin- Oh, look at that! My reason's more important than Silvy's.

Salem Campbell: Jesus fucking- Isaac, you have absolutely zero right to decide that! The council made a decision. And you went against it all on your own! Tell me Ike, if you know so much better than everyone - what the fuck do you think we have a council for?

Ike: Don't you doubt me on that. You know I believe in what the Council does. But sometimes what we do is for appearances, Salem. You haven't figured that one out by now?

Salem Campbell: You know full damn well it isn't just for appearances. You know what that guy did. And you just wanna let him run around Redwood? And you can't even be bothered to get off your ass and talk to us about it?

Ike: -shrugs, throwing his hands up a bit- Whaddyou want from me? A mea culpa? You want me to rain ashes on my head and beat my breast for not getting a blessing from on high? Well, tough titty, pal. We make unilateral decisions sometimes. This is mine. I'm sticking by it.

Salem Campbell: You are not above the fucking rules Ike. I didn't want to even keep him here! But when the council agreed that we should, I didn't drag him out of Redwood because I felt it was the better fucking choice! You know what- takes a deep breath- you can stick by your unilateral choice. And I'll make the unilateral choice to put Ares in a cell in the precinct until we can ensure that someone actually does their job and watch him.

Ike: -steps forward, outright scowling now, but -- takes a breath and reins it in- Look. He's not dangerous. He was, once, but we all did desperate things to survive. -considers, looking Salem up and down- Or at least some of us had to. He's been peaceful while he's here. I beat the holy fucking stuffing out of him, Salem. He's cowed. He's obedient. I keep the monitor turned on while he's in the gates, and what's he gonna do out there, while he's with another raider? He can't do anything. He won't. He wouldn't dare. It's the people in here who you're worried about, well. Everyone in here is safe. I make sure of that.

Salem Campbell: -doesn't even flinch for a moment- Don't fucking patronize me. I know what people had to do. I've made my peace with the fact that I'm not gonna trust everybody here. But Ares is a different case than somebody like Orion, or somebody like you. And even if you think he won't hurt anyone, you can't just fucking go against the council like that. You agreed to the suggestion. You vouched for him and promised to keep an eye on him. And you didn't.

Ike: Okay, well. -falls back a step, ticking his bottom jaw side to side in thought before clicking his teeth together- Then it's my fault, not his. There's no reason to lock him up. -pauses for a moment before lifting his hands, wrists together- Take me away, officer.

Salem Campbell: Oh no. You're gonna be death with with the council. Renee and Ermano got a right to know about this. Just be glad I'm only locking Ares up, and not Orion too for going out with him.

Ike: Salem. Jesus, be reasonable! This isn't Law and fuckin' Order, this is the goddamn end of the world! -presses his hands against his chest- I'll 'fess up to the Council, if that's what you want. Leave Orion alone, he doesn't have anything to do with it. Ares agreed to be tethered and monitored. He agreed, I was the one who decided to take him off it. None of the raiders were gonna narc on me, is what you don't understand. You just don't. It's different for people who go out there all the time. You're gonna do more harm than good driving wedges between them.

Salem Campbell: I am fucking reasonable! -scoffs- You will fess up, or I'll tell them. Ares is gonna stay in the precinct until we figure out a new plan to keep track of him like we actually said we would. Did you ever fucking stop and think how Silvy would feel about this? Anyone else? Seeing us promise one thing and doing the opposite?

Ike: -shakes his head, rubbing his face- I didn't think anybody would be paying that close attention, to tell you the truth. And Silvy's ... there are things more important than one person's paranoia. -reaches out to grab Salem's arm, hanging on to him tight- Man, c'mon. Just let me fix it. I deserve that much, before you go blowing everything wide open.

Salem Campbell: -stares at Ike, shakes his head, but doesn't pull his arm away- I've seen what people like Ares can do. People who think the rules don't apply to them because this is the end of the world. This isn't anybody's paranoia, this is common sense Ike. -takes a deep breath- How do you want to fix this?

Ike: -a touch desperately now- I'll -- I'll tell the Council. So they know not to blame any of my raiders. And we can assign somebody to stick with Ares at all times, that would work. Not just out there doing raids, but in the perimeter, somebody'll be watching him twenty-four-seven. Not forever, I don't think that's fair to anybody, but for now. Until the Council decides Silvy's-- -catches himself, rephrases- ...until everyone's fear about him is gone. He deserves a chance. Out of all my raiders he's the one with the most -- think of his brother, Salem. He's got Lucien here. They both deserve that chance to move forward.

Salem Campbell: -stares at Ike with furrowed brows for a moment, quietly- He's the one with the most what, Ike? Why do you care about him?

Ike: I care about them all. -holds Salem's gaze- He has a brother. They love each other. It'll just make Lucien suffer to see his kid brother railroaded for something I did.

Salem Campbell: He isn't being railroaded. It's called consequences for his actions. I'm not saying lock him up in there forever, Ike. Lucien's gonna have to live with that. -let's out a sigh- Maybe he shouldn't have been a raider in the first place.

Ike: They weren't his actions, is what I'm saying. I turned the monitor off and sent him out. Just give me this one, Salem. Please.

Salem Campbell: -stares Ike down- Alright. I'm giving you one more chance. I'm letting this slide. But if try to pull anything like this again, I don't care what kind of excuses you have. Ike- takes a deep breath and seems to deflate a little- You can't keep doing shit like this. I gotta be able to trust you.

Ike: ...keep doing shit like this? What else-- -stops, remembering the fence, and subsides, unable to meet Salem's eyes anymore- Yeah. I get you. Thanks, man.

Salem Campbell: Alright. -runs a hand over his face- If I see Ares running around freely as if he's just like anyone else, you know what I'll do. -turns to leave-

Ike: -watches Salem go, chewing his lip. he considers going back inside, but instead heads for the main gate. his raiders will be back, soon.-

#with: salem #c: sal003

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junjiie · 8 months

Note

ASSHSSHS YOU LIKE JAEWON! YAYY ٩(^ᗜ^ )و your special (ily bestie westie) i'm just gonna give you a bunch of random jaewon lore fact thingies because your his no.1 fan (real!!)

um number one!!! jaewon was like a super controversial figure during produce x 101 because this man literally says ANYTHING and he cursed like every two seconds (me) and he was SUCH a controversial figure that most korean netizens hated him and started a petition to get him kicked off the show 😭 his controversy was mostly the reason he didn't win 2nd place and was instead booted down to sixth

number two!!! jaewon dated one of his former x1 members and when they broke up the two of them.. well— they kind of got into an ugly argument 🤗! idk if you know anything about x1 but i wont give any hints because i wanna keep that a mystery!! oh and hanbin is pretty jealous because now the two of them are mending their relationship haha drama!!

number three!!! jaewon's parents like- suck ass, i'm not even joking, like they're so horrible that he ran away not once, not twice, but FIVE TIMES just to get away from them cause they really are that bad 😭 (these people should've not had kids), he successfully ran away for good in 2017 when he joined cube entertainment and he hasn't talked to them at all ever since then, they still leave a longlasting mental affect on him because of their emotional abuse though (sorry but trauma!)

number four!!! jaewon and hanbin are a thing…? or are they…? trust me atp they have absolutely no idea what they are 😭 literally EVERYONE knows they like each other but they kinda just let shit happen..? do they like each other? 100%. but they just kinda sit by and just.. go with the flow. will they ever confess? eh.

and lastly, number five!!! a much cuter one that isnt as confusing, jaewon was nicknamed "sleeping koala" because he often clings onto people when he sleeps, like whenever he falls asleep he'll reach out at the first person literally unconsciously and just cling onto them while he sleeps. (he was a stuffed animal kid can you tell?)

um…… yeah! i'll probably make a longer thing abt jaewon facts because theres actually SO MUCH MORE i have to explain when it comes to jaewon because hes a mess (and is currently having a sexuality crisis) so there'll def be a longer post about jaewon 😭

ik you didnt ask for this but anyway ily bestie westie have a great day <333 (i have school tmrw save me)

I AM HIS #1 UR SO RIGHT.. and omg thank u for these HELLO??! eating them all up in three bites and patting my tummy and shit

one - SOOOO REAL OF HIM TBH!!!! an idgaf warrior since the start!!! he went to uni and graduated with honours as a dpmo major!!!! no media training in sight!!!! LOVE THAT 4 HIM!!!! i support all jaewon rights AND wrongs

two - omg drama hii i love that.. ur right ik jack shit ab x1 BYR . let me look them up and make a guess at who it is though........... hyeongjun ? ! ? Am i right

three - EWW BEATS THEM UP AND SETS THEM ON FIRE AND KILLS THEM??! at least he got away though good for him omg . Pats him on the head ☹️

four - Aww gay opeple ❤️ Locks them in a room 4 ever. jaebin 5th generation it couple-not-couple

five - UEE😭🥺💧Eu💧💧E E😭😭E EUE🥺😭UUUE HOLDING HIM RIGHT NWO.......... i will cling onto HIM!!! and then he will call security and they will drag me away kicking and screaming and crying

I WILL LISTEN TO EVERY WORD U EXPLAIN AB HIM I SWEAR HE IS SO . got me wanting to share silly facts now too 😢😢 but def more algorhythm than slow motion......... they are a MESS! and its great

THANK U AGAIN 4 THESE I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM I LOVE THEM SM <3 i went back to school today!!! i hope it doesnt go too bad for u tmr :( gl bsf

#slow motion are like . Happy and Nice . algorhythm r Not .#anw i am the biggest eunha like its SERIOUS!!!!!!!!!!!

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crazylil-lion · 1 year

Text

Honestly its hard to know what to do.

Everyone looks to me like the answer to their problem.

Mom doesn't work says shes trying but shes been saying that for a year. Grandpa is dying. Fast. My little brother still struggling a crazy amount.

Like truthful everything went downhill once I left.

Ik my siblings and my dad wants me to come back.

I think mom realized she can't ask me that. I think she feels absolutely fucking awful about everything about how she treated me and how much money she takes from dad.

I think after I moved away mom realized all the mistakes she made. I think she realized the hate I developed for her.

I can tell in her voice she wants my approval. She wants me to tell her I'm happy with how things are going there.

Idk. Its hard when moving away gave me a huge change of perspective.

To realize all the things I missed. All the abuse and neglect.

To realize how much they needed me.

You know I realized very young I was the one that had to hold the house together. I had to be the one to be emotional support. My dad still takes care of my siblings. He still constantly buys them things. Constantly stops over just to take them out to eat.

He tries his hardest to make them happy and support them however he can.

Truthful I struggle to know what to do.

I wanna make them happier but I don't wanna move back.

I wanna get things in place so I can be away.

Idk what to do because I feel like things are constantly on me. And I don't even wanna live as is.

I feel like happiness for me just won't happen. Like I'm the one that makes other people happy.

But I'm always disposable.

People only care about having their needs met. Rarely does anyone even ask about my needs.

I'm just suppose to be the rock that holds everything together.

The one that supports everyone while getting no support.

I'm just fucking alone tbh. Expected to be this inhuman thing that can handle it all.

Need to be emotionless. Need to workout and be strong to be loved lol.

People say oh no no no. You can have love and be accepted without being muscular but thats not exactly true.

See people talk about body positivity for bigger women. But very fucking rarely like almost never do you see any supportive male body positivity.

I know of 2 posts. Total that really talk about it.

And said people are all more masc presenting.

Irl. Good fucking luck. My point is unless I'm feminine enough to be seen as a "femboy" I'm not masc enough for someone to want me as a male. Reinforced constantly by people.

So yea. Starve. Go cold. Learn to push this need of intimacy so far down that the comfort of razors is enough.

These are the only things I can do to survive anymore. Its easy for people who have had love. Who had emotional support growing up to see themselves having it again.

I can't see that. When the only girls that hmu on any dating app or even here are only trying to sell me their onlyfans.

When I'm just insulted for not being masc enough. Or not looking good in feminine things because im too masc to look good in them. Lol. Just born wrong and too emotional.

Truthfully I'm at a crossroads.

1. Give up. Kill myself as planned in August.

2. Let the hate win. Grow super fucking toxic. Hate everyone stop going out. Stop doing things for fun like xbox and weed.

And instead invest all my time in work. Become rich, do stupid things until I die from them.

3. Continue on this fucked path of trying to get better and have connections with people to only get treated like shit and reminded constantly of how horrible society is. Go to a 2nd therapist and add to my list of medications until I'm so numb I'm not even fucking me anymore.

None of them seem good. And honestly I don't know that I want anything anymore.

The idea of love and intimacy is amazing. But i doubt I'll have it. No ones attracted to me lol. No one really even tries to talk to me. And idk that it would help anything.

Plus I let someone in they see my bpd and my issues poof they gone.

So is it even worth it. Is it worth trying to get to the only thing I've ever wanted when all it does is fucking hurt.

Idk anymore. But I have to fucking decide.

Maybe its time to do some stupid risky decisions and prey it gets me killed. Thatll make me feel alive for a bit right? Maybe it will calm the screaming inside me to play with death. Maybe I'll play too long and be embraced by it.

Oh, self destruction seems like the least painful path.

Seems like thats all I've ever had thats consistently in my life.

Thats pretty pathetic😂

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chefdoeuvre · 3 years

Text

Infliction

Jay Halstead

Pairing: Jay Halstead x Sister!Reader

Description: It's never your fault, know that.

Words: 3,356

Requested: yes by anonymous; could u do a halstead sister imagine where she is roofied and sexually assaulted by a group of guys at a party? and afterwards she starts to become self destructive (not sleeping, eating, drinking and doing drugs- not legally since she's in high school) and jay catches her a few times and freaks out and just gets super mad at her. but then one day, she finally tells him what happened and he becomes super concerned and protective. then, maybe when voight sees his focus is off he asks him what's going on and jay tells him and then intelligence gets involved + jay has to convince her to go get checked out and have a rape kit done? i guess i wanted intelligence involved because i thought everyone would absolutely love her and she has everyone (even hank who's pissed af when he finds out) wrapped around her finger so antonio, kevin and adam (my bby) are all super protective and upset?? ik it's a lot of detail lmao so feel free to remove whatever. tysm, i love ur work btw :))

Warnings: angst(?), mentions of rape and sexual assault, drugs, language.

A/N: Do not read if any of this can trigger you, please! If any of you need to talk do not be afraid to message me my dms are always open. I apologize in advance for any grammatical errors.

National Sexual Assault Hotline: 1-800-656-4673

UK Rape Crisis Helpline: 0808 802 9999

Australia National Sexual Assault Support: 1800 737 732

—

Did Jay know you were at this party? Absolutely not. Did Will? Nope. Anyone at all who cares for your wellbeing? Hard no. So maybe you had taken Will and Jay's long shifts for the night as a cue to go to the party. After all, it's not like you were surrounded by strangers. It was your typical movie like high school party, people making out, everyone drinking illegally, and the few people who only showed up because their friends begged them to come along. You were the latter. Your friend and her boyfriend begged you to come saying how you never did anything fun because of who your brothers were. Reluctantly you agreed only because you knew you weren't going to get caught.

So here you were trying to have a semblance of a high school social life. You were the typical teenager, not great at school but not bad, only a handful of friends you hung out with, and no outstanding extracurriculars under your belt. Unless sitting next to Trudy at the front desk at the twenty-first district for hours at a time while doing your homework counted as one.

"Hey, Y/N! Have a drink, let loose." Your friend's boyfriend came over and handed you the stereotypical red solo cup.

"Oh, uh thanks." You smiled, awkwardly accepting the cup before setting it down.

You remembered the millions of times Jay had told you never to accept a drink someone else made for you. No matter how much you trusted them. You walked into the kitchen and found the last water bottle that was in the cooler. Taking it out you took a much-needed sip and scanned your eyes over the party.

The party was filled with people you either knew of or had seen in school. Freshmen and seniors alike were here to have fun. There was the usual group of guys who were having a chugging contest. As if they could handle their alcohol like college frat boys.

"Why hello there." A voice spoke up from behind you.

You turned on your heel quickly to be met with a familiar face. It was Brayden from the school's hockey team. You'd never had an actual conversation with him, but you shared a few classes throughout the day. He was much taller than you remembered, obviously getting a growth spurt.

"Hi." You greeted with a timid smile.

"Water? At a party?" Brayden questioned with furrowed brows.

"I'm not trying to be killed by my older brothers tonight, so water it is." You shrugged.

"Fair enough. Parents are out of town for the week so I guess I lucked out." Brayden nodded.

As time went on you started to feel hot and your head began to hurt. This is what happens when people put the speaker on at full volume and crowd the house with sweaty teenagers.

"Hey, you all right?" Brayden asked with concerned eyes.

"I don't feel so well." You shook your head.

"Head upstairs and try to find an empty room, if you still don't feel well come find me and I can walk you home." Brayden gestured to the currently empty hall while everyone else was cheering on the guys in the living room.

You nodded slowly and began to walk off in search of an empty bedroom to take refuge in. Finally finding one you took a seat on the bed and threw your water bottle onto the floor. You put your head in your hands and tried to calm the pounding in your head.

Moments later the door opened and you picked your head up reluctantly. It was a few guys on the football team.

"You not feeling too hot there?" One of the seniors asked you.

You simply shook your head which only worsened the pain in it. The boys walked a few steps closer before placing their hands on your shoulders. They shoved you back onto the bed and immediately your body began to react.

You kicked and punched aimlessly to get them off of you but your movements were uncoordinated and your mind was foggy. There were too many of them and they began to overpower you, their hands wandering to unwanted places.

Suddenly everything had gone black and you heard someone yelling intelligible words. Then you felt someone shaking you awake.

"Come on, Y/N." A familiar voice said, however, they sounded as if you were underwater.

Something cold and wet was placed on your forehead which prompted you to peel open your eyes. Hovering over you was a worried-looking Brayden. You immediately began squirming away from him and he did his best to calm you down.

"I won't hurt you, I promise. Just please put this on." Brayden held out his hands in mock surrender one of them holding a grip on his sweatshirt.

Watching him carefully you took the sweatshirt from him and pulled it over your tattered clothing. You wrapped your arms around yourself once your mind began to clear up and you realized what had happened.

"What did you drink?" Brayden asked cautiously, sitting a few feet away from you.

"Just that water." You gestured over to the discarded water bottle.

"They must've done something to it. I saw them come over here, but I didn't see them leave. I wanted to check on you." Brayden began to explain what had happened.

"Did they?" You trailed off, unable to get the words out before your throat tightened at the thought.

"No, I pulled them off before they could do anything else." Brayden shook his head with a frown.

"What did they do?" You asked not wanted to look at yourself for confirmation.

"Groping and kissing, I punched a few of them before they could go further." Brayden whispered, you nodded. It made sense, Brayden was more built and taller than the majority of the football team.

"You have to tell someone." Brayden sighed.

"No! No, we can't." You shook your head furiously.

"Okay, we won't. I'm here though, for anything." Brayden reassured you.

"Thanks." You whispered.

"Come on, let me walk you home before it gets too late." Brayden stood up.

You nodded and quietly stood up. He led the both of you outside through the back door which helped you effectively avoid people. You hid behind him the whole time until you managed to get out on the sidewalk. On the trek home, neither of you said a word just the heavy footsteps of the taller boy beside you were heard. Eventually, you made it to your building and walked up the stairs to reach your apartment.

"This is me. Thanks for walking me home." You gave him a broken smile.

"Of course. If you need anything at all, I'm a text away." He gave you a comforting smile before handing you a post-it note with his number scribbled onto it.

"Thank you, again." You nodded before turning the key and walking into the dark, empty apartment you and Jay called home.

The following days after the party your sleep schedule had become nonexistent and you solely became reliant on coffee in the mornings to keep you going. Then when lunch came around you'd give the lunch Jay made you to someone else, just saying that you weren't hungry and had a big breakfast that morning. Your face had become dull and the spark of happiness in you had quickly faded. You weren't eating and you weren't sleeping.

Now at your last resort to keep awake you had started taking Adderall which was a stimulant you had learned about in your health class. Eventually, you had started taking some alcohol from Jay's cabinet and poured them into your water bottle. Your grades started slipping and now you were at risk of failing a few of your classes.

It was enough to say that you had started coping with what had happened in all the worst ways. It was clear to see you weren't dealing with anything and continued to push it all away with illegal responses.

This morning you had thought that Jay went off to the district early after not hearing a peep from him the whole time. However, Jay had seen the change in your attitude and received a few emails from your teachers about your plummeting grades. He took it upon himself to watch over you and see if you didn't anything different. It wasn't stalking per se, he lived with you and was legally in charge of you until you were to turn 18.

You pulled open the pill bottle you had gotten from one of the dealers at school and popped a few into your mouth. Taking a gulp of coffee to wash them down. As you were about to stuff the pills back into your bag a stern voice spoke up from behind you. Jay had seen the whole thing go down. You were in deep shit.

"Give me those." Jay held his hand out expectantly. You knew that tone of voice from anywhere. It was his cop voice and the only other times he would use it is when you knew you were in a lot of trouble.

Jay scanned the writing on the bottle with furrowed brows, "Adderall? Why are you taking drugs that you shouldn't be?" Jay questioned as he clenched his jaw.

"It's nothing, I just needed them to stay awake." You argued, avoiding his gaze.

"These are prescription drugs, Y/N! I thought you knew better than to take those." Jay chastised.

"They help me focus, all right! I gotta go I'm going to be late." You turned on your heel and headed for the door, slamming it shut while Jay was mid shout for you to turn back around.

The rest of the day at school the only thing that running through your mind was the disappointed look on Jay's face this morning. You made it your mission to come up with an actual apology and not a half-assed one. The only way your apology would have a slight chance of being honest was if you were to tell Jay the truth of what happened. For all, he knew you stayed in that night and knocked out early. He had even noticed that the sweatshirt you had been wearing wasn't yours or his. Simply believing the lie that you said you stole it from Will.

The second you walked in through the door after school you saw Jay standing there with his arms crossed waiting for an explanation. He probably found time in the day to come home the time school let out to get something out of you. You dropped your backpack onto the ground and waiting for Jay to speak up.

"Sit." Jay gestured to the couch.

You plopped yourself down on the couch with a sigh as he stayed standing, probably to assert dominance or whatever it is that guys do. Taking his silence as a cue for you to speak you apologized.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to raise my voice." You looked down at your hands.

"I just want to know, why?" Jay shook his head.

You avoided his gaze as you went on to explain that in fact, you had gone to a party the night he had to stay late at work to finish a case. The entire time he kept a straight face, but you could see him clenching his jaw into oblivion. You wiped a few strays tears and had to stop for a few moments to continue explaining, but Jay listened intently.

"Can I?" Jay asked before he went to wrap his arm around your shoulders.

You nodded and he leaned into the couch, pulling you into his side. The two of you sat there until his phone went off signaling that he had no choice but head back into work.

"You all right with staying here alone? If not you can just hang out with Trudy." Jay offered as he clipped his badge onto his waistband.

"No, I'll be okay. Can you bring home pizza?" You asked timidly.

"Yeah, of course. I promise I will do my best not to be late tonight." Jay nodded.

"Okay, thank you." You gave him a small smile.

Jay leaned forward to place a kiss on your head before he headed toward the door to leave. You let out a breath you didn't know you were holding relieved that he didn't press you for anything else or force you to go to Med where Will would inevitably have to learn what happened. It was enough that you told Jay without full-on sobbing, telling the story again to catch Will up to speed couldn't promise you the same thing.

While Jay was at work it seemed like his head was in another universe entirely. He was obviously preoccupied with what you had told him earlier which prompted Voight to pull him off to the side. The both of them currently stood in his office with the door closed while the rest of intelligence worked on finishing up their current case.

"What's on your mind, Halstead? I've never seen you this out of focus." Voight stood there with his usual stony expression.

Jay let out a defeated sigh, "it's about Y/N."

At the mention of your name Voight immediately perked up. Unbeknownst to you, you had all of intelligence wrapped around your finger whether they liked it or not. He gestured for Jay to continue and he did. He explained everything that you had told him and expressed concern for what it was doing to your wellbeing.

"Did she tell you who did it?" Voight asked.

"No, all she said is that they were on the football team." Jay shook his head with a sigh.

"All right, I think we can hold off on finishing the paperwork while we figure this out." Voight said as he headed toward the door.

Stepping out of his office Voight got the entire unit's attention and began explaining that they had a new case to look into.

"What new case?" Antonio questioned.

"Y/N Halstead's case." Voight announced which made everyone snap their heads to look at him for confirmation. With a slight nod, Voight began to explain what Jay had told him.

Antonio's reaction was predictable, he treated you like you were his own daughter. It also helped that you and Eva were near in age.

"You said she recognized one of the seniors?" Adam asked receiving a nod from Jay in response.

"We could be dealing with larger charges if the guy was 18." Adam explained.

"Did she mention any names?" Kim took a seat in front of her computer.

"Yeah, one. Brayden." Jay nodded.

"I think we should bring both of them in, see if we can identify the group of guys who did this." Voight looked to Jay who nodded before gesturing to Hailey to go with him.

You were sitting boredly on the couch as the movie droned on about how to solve the problem they were dealing with. You don't even remember what movie you were watching except for the fact that it was typical. While you were bundled up on the couch the lock to the door of the apartment turned before the door opened and revealed Jay and Hailey behind it.

"What's going on?" You walked up to Jay.

"I'll explain when we're at the district." Jay said.

A while later Jay and Hailey had driven to another house until Brayden had also been brought to the truck with a look of confusion on his face. You shared a glance with the boy and you only sent him a confused shrug.

Eventually, the four of you had made it back to the district with still no information about what you were doing here. However, you had put two and two together once you saw they brought Brayden along. When you had told Jay you didn't expect him to make this a full-blown case.

They had taken you into Voight's office while they took Brayden into the kitchen area. You sat down in the chair in front of Voight's desk while the others stood out in the bullpen discussing things quietly. The moment Jay had walked into the room he sent you an apologetic look as Voight walked in behind him. Your brother kneeled down in front of you before he began to talk.

"I think it's a good idea that you get a rape kit done." Jay spoke quietly.

Immediately you shook your head, "no, I don't need one."

"You said that they drugged you so we need to be sure." Jay reasoned.

"I think I would know if they did, Jay." You argued.

"Just to be sure, all right?" Jay sighed.

"It's too late though. I remember Will saying it only works 72 hours after what happened max. It's been a week and a half, Jay." You shook your head.

"How do you know that?" Jay questioned.

"I may not be doctor material, but I do occasionally listen when Will talks." You explained.

"Did you get any bruises?" Jay asked.

"I have pictures of them on my phone, but they're pretty much gone now." You shrugged.

"No that's good, pictures are evidence." Jay nodded.

"Do you still have the clothes from that night?" A light bulb went off in Jay's head.

"Yeah, I threw them into the corner of my room." You nodded in confusion.

Jay looked up at Voight and they shared a knowing glance.

"Okay, Hailey and Antonio are going to ask Brayden who and what he saw and we'll see if we can find the group of guys who did this." Jay explained, still kneeling down in front of you.

"Yeah, okay." You nodded quietly.

"I'm gonna head back home and grab those clothes, feel free to bother Adam and Kevin while I'm gone." Jay stood up and gestured to the men standing right outside the door. Once they saw that they were caught they immediately turned their heads the other way and tried to play it off.

"You all right, kid?" Voight asked you.

"I will be. Thank you." You gave him a small smile.

"Don't thank me, it's my job." He gave you a right smile back before walking out and gesturing for Adam and Kevin to come in.

"Hey, kiddo." Adam greeted as he took a seat on top of Voight's desk.

"Hi, Adam." You let out a small laugh.

"Can I give you a hug?" Adam asked.

"Yeah." You nodded softly.

He immediately wrapped his arms around your shoulders and held you tightly. In a matter of moments, he began to sway the both of you from side to side which elicited a giggle out of you.

"What's so funny?" Kevin questioned.

"Jay used to do that when I was a kid and he had to leave for deployment. It would always make me feel better." You reminisced.

Once you pulled away there was a buzzing sound which indicated that Jay was back with your clothes. After that everyone went into 'Intelligence Mode' as you liked to call it and went through everything they could to find something about the boys who did this.

It turned out they were all seniors on the football team and based on the descriptions you and Brayden had given them they found them relatively easily. The majority of the guys were eighteen so that meant that they could be charged as adults which made Jay feel better.

In the end, they were charged with infliction of bodily harm because of the drugged water and sexual assault. Not before Antonio and Voight scared the living daylights out of them for hurting you though. You had apologized to Brayden for involving him but he was fine with it and the two of you ended up becoming close friends which resulted in Jay and Will threatening him which made you laugh. Basically, Intelligence would practically do anything for you and that was made pretty clear after the case was closed.

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