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readerbookclub · 3 years

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So here’s the thing: this is gonna be the last book before my hiatus. So, I thought I’d be a little self-indulgent and finally post a list I’ve been excited about for a long time. I’ve had this idea since we first started doing themed lists and I’ve done a ton of research to prepare these books.

“Unconventional” is a somewhat different theme. It’s a collection of books that break the mould, experiment with new formats, or approach story telling in a different way. Before each book I’ll explain what’s so unconventional about it.

While doing research for this book list I discovered many other unconventional novels that I couldn’t include here. My tbr list grew so much longer! If anyone’s as interested in this concept as I am, let me know and I’ll share some of the other books that caught my attention.

Okay, enough blabbering! Here’s the list:

Our first book takes the form of a commentary on a poem, “Pale Fire”, by a deceased poet. The writer of this commentary has a tendency to go off on tangents and talk a little too much. And thus, a story is told within footnotes and comments. This concept really appealed to me, especially since I loved the footnotes in one of our earlier reads, A Gentleman in Moscow, so much.

Pale Fire, by Vladimir Nobokov

The American poet John Shade is dead. His last poem, 'Pale Fire', is put into a book, together with a preface, a lengthy commentary and notes by Shade's editor, Charles Kinbote. Known on campus as the 'Great Beaver', Kinbote is haughty, inquisitive, intolerant, but is he also mad, bad - and even dangerous? As his wildly eccentric annotations slide into the personal and the fantastical, Kinbote reveals perhaps more than he should be. Nabokov's darkly witty, richly inventive masterpiece is a suspenseful whodunit, a story of one-upmanship and dubious penmanship, and a glorious literary conundrum.

This next book is comprised of two sections, each with their own symbols--one a camera and the other an eye. When the book was printed, there were two verions: Camera first, Eye second and Eye first, Camera second. Ultimately, people end up reading the exact same words, just in a different order. This seemed like such a fun concept, especially if half of us read it one way and the other half read it the other way. We could compare how the order affected our experience with the novel.

How to Be Both, by Ali Smith

How to be both is a novel all about art’s versatility. Borrowing from painting’s fresco technique to make an original literary double-take, it’s a fast-moving genre-bending conversation between forms, times, truths and fictions. There’s a Renaissance artist of the 1460s. There’s the child of a child of the 1960s. Two tales of love and injustice twist into a singular yarn where time gets timeless, structural gets playful, knowing gets mysterious, fictional gets real—and all life’s givens get given a second chance.

Our next book also plays with the order in which it’s read. At the beginning of the book, the author offers the reader a choice. Either they read the book as normal, starting with the first chapter and continuing in chronological order. Or they take the “hopscotch” approach, jumping through an alternate sequence of chapters. For some reason, the idea of being given permission to read a book out of order really excites me! Warning though, this book is 560 pages long, making it slightly longer than what we normally read.

Hopscotch, by Julio Cortazar

Horacio Oliveira is an Argentinian writer who lives in Paris with his mistress, La Maga, surrounded by a loose-knit circle of bohemian friends who call themselves "the Club." A child's death and La Maga's disappearance put an end to his life of empty pleasures and intellectual acrobatics, and prompt Oliveira to return to Buenos Aires, where he works by turns as a salesman, a keeper of a circus cat which can truly count, and an attendant in an insane asylum. Hopscotch is the dazzling, freewheeling account of Oliveira's astonishing adventures.

This next book is told through the second person, and that’s not all! It tells the story of “you”, someone who is desperately trying to read the book. The problem is, every time the story starts something prevents “you” from finishing it. It’s a story with many beginnings, but supposedly no ending. And one in which “you” are the protagonist. Now that’s unconventional!

If on a Winter’s Night a Traveller, by Italo Calvino

Italo Calvino's masterpiece combines a love story and a detective story into an exhilarating allegory of reading, in which the reader of the book becomes the book's central character. Based on a witty analogy between the reader's desire to finish the story and the lover's desire to consummate his or her passion, If on a Winter's Night a Traveller is the tale of two bemused readers whose attempts to reach the end of the same book, If on a Winter's Night a Traveller by Italo Calvino, of course, are constantly and comically frustrated. In between chasing missing chapters of the book, the hapless readers tangle with an international conspiracy, a rogue translator, an elusive novelist, a disintegrating publishing house, and several oppressive governments. The result is a literary labyrinth of storylines that interrupt one another - an Arabian Nights of the postmodern age.

Our final book is told solely through dialogue between a woman on a hospital bed and a child. The story does not always makes sense, as reality and fantasy start to blend. It’s supposed to be a little incoherent, like a fever dream. Apparently, it feels a lot more like a nightmare. Quite scary and very intriguing.

Fever Dream, by Samantha Schweblin

Experience the blazing, surreal sensation of a fever dream… A young woman named Amanda lies dying in a rural hospital clinic. A boy named David sits beside her. She’s not his mother. He’s not her child. Together, they tell a haunting story of broken souls, toxins, and the power and desperation of family. Fever Dream is a nightmare come to life, a ghost story for the real world, a love story and a cautionary tale. One of the freshest new voices to come out of the Spanish language and translated into English for the first time, Samanta Schweblin creates an aura of strange psychological menace and otherworldly reality in this absorbing, unsettling, taut novel.

Thank you for getting this far! As always vote for which one we should read here.

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#book list #book club #booklr #hopscotch #if on a winter's night a traveler #how to be both #fever dream #pale fire

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metanarrates · 3 years

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i would love to hear ab u and ur gfs theory of how termina works!!!!!

okay so a relatively common reading of majora's mask is that it is an allegory reflecting link's process of grief and personal growth. the impending demise of a world is reflective of link's experiences in hyrule after spending seven years in the sacred realm, the recurring theme of grief and loss mirrors link's grief over the time and people he lost, the horrific transformations are similar to link's identity struggles and his sudden transformation into an adult, etc. I really enjoy this theory personally because it makes the game and link's character feel extremely relatable to me. it also makes the more nightmarish and surreal elements of the game carry a lot more conceptual weight. trauma is horrific, especially if you are a child who has had to grow up way too fast, and it can make the world feel nonsensical and hostile as you attempt to process everything that has happened to you.

in this reading, termina is often taken as a dream realm. it's something that is thought to exist only within the confines of link's mind, and disappears once the dream ends, similarly to kholint from link's awakening. while dream worlds are a pretty well-established setting for allegorical character growth to occur, I find that idea a bit uninteresting. dream worlds are played-out at this point. you know what is interesting? the idea that termina IS a real world that happens to operate on very specific dreamlike logic.

we know termina is a world in decay. there is a history there, a weight of rot that has been generations in the making. the dead king of ikana sits on his throne. the turtle in the bay sleeps, blind to the zora's problems. the giants that once roamed this world walk no more. long before a skull child stole a demon's mask and a young hero tripped his way into another world, the land has been dying. even if the young hero is able to stave off the world's decay for a while, it's not unreasonable to assume the rot has progressed past repair. there may be an ending that not even link can delay for long.

and in the manga backstory for the origin of majora's mask, there is a monster that lives in the great desert of an unmoving world. time had stopped for it, but the world was not dead, not yet. a traveller is drawn into this strange world. he makes time move again. the desires of all the dead whom the monster had eaten are laid to rest. satisfied, the monster dies on the fourth day, and the world crumbles alongside him. it's a story we already know, perhaps. a cycle slightly changed.

and the skull kid is such a clear and obvious parallel to link. a boy from the forest, grieving his separation from his friends. according to navi, skullchildren may have been kokiri before they were lost and transformed into something else. he had a past, most likely. people he knew before his body was turned into something strange. he's from link's world, but seems to have visited termina before, long, long ago. did he have a reason for visiting it? or did he arrive by chance, the same way link did?

and we know termina is a land of masks. masks thag hold identity, secrets, self. the wishes of the dead and the living. link dons a mask and transforms into something unrecognizable again and again. the inhabitants of termina, who look so similar to the people link already knows, are said to don masks for the three days that span the carnival of time. it's tradition, they say. something important to them. yet link's one of the only characters who visibly wears masks. have the terminians forfeited their tradition?

or are the terminians already wearing masks that aren't obvious to link?

I think there's a cycle, one beyond the three-day cycle of the moon falling and rewinding. one much more cosmic. I think termina is a land populated by ghosts, a land constantly disappearing and reappearing. I think it readies itself for a newcomer. I think the inhabitants don masks - identities, even - to remind the traveler of whatever people they may have lost. i think the land itself wants to help them move on, and will create what it needs in service of that goal. it holds the travelers for a brief time, the span of a three day festival, and then lets them go. it'll draw the same traveler in again and again for other festivals if that's what it takes.

we have three implied stories. three travelers from hyrule.

we see those five children on the moon, the ones who look like the mask salesman beneath their masks. they live in an idyllic world, a world populated only by them, their masks of the giants, and majora's mask. children who aspire to be mask salesmen. perhaps that's how it was when the mask salesman first came to termina, when the land was far younger. he only needed reflections of himself to move past whatever he grieved back then. he moved on. the ghosts of his grief stayed begind.

the skull kid came to termina later. he befriended the four giants, the protectors of this strange land. but his grief had not settled. and so when the giants left him, a hint from the land signaling that he needed to move on, he rebelled, wreaking chaos. the giants cast him out when his time was up. the skull kid didn't understand, and was troubled by the seeming rejection. the land would draw him back in when the time was right.

there were probably other travelers. enough that their collected grief was enough to populate the land with ghosts. enough that the grief spilled over and filled the world with decay. the number doesn't matter. hopefully, the travelers were mostly able to move on.

then, link comes. he plays out the story we all know. he learns what he needs to learn, he grows as he needs to grow, and his story ends.

soon after, termina does too.

it's been too long. as said before, the decay has set in. no moon falls, but the ghosts disappear, one by one. with them gone, the set dressing collapses. the town, the wildlife, the plants, the land itself disappear. there is nothing but a flat void.

but we know the story of the traveler and the monster. the dead flesh of a world can become something new and powerful. the only thing that changes is the form. termina is a land of cycles, remember. this has happened before and will happen again. the land has worn many masks through its life. death and rebirth will force it to wear even more new ones.

death has always been just another stop in the cycle.

anyway that's my absolutely unhinged self indulgent rant with very little basis in canon <3 it's a fun theory to think about though so idk please enjoy it

#loz #tloz mm #majora's mask #zelda #thank you so much for asking!! sorry it took a ridiculous amount of time to answer

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cheshasleverage · 4 years

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The Miracle Job Rewatch

Wow it sure took me a while to watch this episode damn. Also I’m gonna start putting these under read mores because they’re too long

Anyways, I think I understand why they might’ve switched the Two Horse Job with The Wedding Job, on account of it would explain why Nate is ordained and can marry off a couple without anyone questioning the validity of it

If we think about it going in the order it was supposed to though, with Nate marrying off the couple before telling the team he was a priest (or was going to be anyways) its kind of funny because that means the team didn’t care about its validity and just wanted to get the con over with

The mural in the church though, it’s gorgeous. The statue? can’t stop laughing at his little Y arms

The priest is definitely a guy Nate would be friends with, what with his humor and all

Listen I’m not religious and I know this is a running theme throughout the episode but seriously who beats up a priest, or any holy man for that matter? Unless the guys a fucking asshole I understand but come on

How did Sophie get that role? Knowing her the actual cast member dropped out or something and she jumped on the chance to play

Eliot playing Russian roulette with a bunch of criminals is somehow not as bad as watching Sophie’s play and I want to think he’s just exaggerating to get his point across but also Death of a Salesman is almost 2 and half hours long so maybe it really was that bad (either way I think Eliot needs to lighten up on Sophie)

Ok Ok, smooth Nate really smooth

Do you think Nate actually watched the play? He probably already knows the premise of Death of a Salesman so he can cover his ass if he fell asleep but the way he was watching Sophie in the first episode makes me think that maybe he is just fascinated with watching how her version plays out

First mention of Maggie, and with Sophie’s tone and with what we already know, we can kind of figure out that whatever she’s telling Nate is important and that the client is possibly connected to Nate (great writing tbh)

“You read the police report?” “Yeah, I do that.”

The back and forth with Nate being All Business and Paul trying to get him to tell him if it had been Maggie he was talking to is very.... telling of how Nate feels about his “job” and his old life. Nate lost everything, including the wife he really loved, and now he’s driven himself into the ground trying to do anything that might distract him from what happened to Sam and his old life basically.

I never realized before but parker has probably never actually experienced church or interacted with any religion in a....... religious way

Nate trying desperately to convince the team to help out his old friend like they hadn’t already helped out Sophie’s against the mob, or like they wouldn’t be all over it after learning some dudes jumped a priest.

They have better hearts than I think themselves, and Nate, give them credit for

They were fully prepared for Nate! Hardison knew he was gonna start asking about who wanted the church and got signs of each place.

“I don’t do gangs” Do you think this is the episode that Hardison started to learn how to defend himself from attackers?

oof, look at how happy and proud Nate looks. That little boy was his life

This scene really drives home the fact that Hardison and Eliot have had very different experiences in life. While Hardison has mainly done cons behind the safety of his hacking and never really had to fight anyone, Eliot has done this before. He knows where gangs have their hideouts, he knows walking into their turf will draw them out, he knows they’ll pull guns or knives etc.

Side note: Eliot grabbing that dudes gun and holding it down his pants while he interrogates them? kind of hot ngl

“A specific range of efficacy” Yeah ok sure, he hates them because most inexperienced people use them in the least effective range instead of the fact that he’s probably got PTSD

ANYWAYS DISARMING THAT DUDE WITH A HEADBUTT IS KIND OF HOT ALSO

However, Hardison freaking out is exactly how I would feel in that situation, mainly because I (and Hardison) realize that Eliot is there and after seeing what Eliot can do there’s very little chance he would let anything happen

What was that move, Hardison? Did he shove him??

Hey, at least he noticed that dude was acting weird. He’s very observant and picks up on a lot of things which helps out when he’s hacking

“Somebody’s gotta fight the injured, shoot that’s my niche”

Can we talk about how Eliot keeps looking back? Like he’s expecting a gunshot, whether it’s at the gang member or at them

God when the team is going hard against someone they really go hard. First smacking him with wood and changing his pills, then dumping his assistant on the floor to get him alone in an elevator

“You gave speed?” Hardison’s half-assed attempt to make an excuse for Parker because he did beat up a priest but also, speed?

Parker is so smart. Like, especially when she’s doing anything involving stealing but there are moments like this where she comes up with an elegant way of saying “let's ruin this dude”.

I peg Hardison for being agnostic. Or something along those lines. Mainly because I feel somewhat similarly toward what they’re doing. Cus there’s a difference between taking advantage of someone’s greeds/fears vs taking advantage of their religion and faith

DID PARKER REALLY DRAW BLOOD FROM HIM

Sophie is vicious. I think they all are in their own way but Sophie gets next to her mark, gets cozy and they trust her and then she turns around and uses them for her con

1) Hardison is an amazing artist

2) Eliot’s got a point because at 10 feet when you’re not moving and your target is standing still, you should have time to aim and hit it

Alright so digging in: Nate harbors guilt over Sam’s death and the falling apart of his marriage..... and his little game of cat and mouse with Sophie. He never cheated on Maggie, there may have been some flirting but he was honest and never slept with Sophie or anyone else, and I highly doubt Sophie ever tried to push him to sleep with her knowing he was married. But he still feels guilty because, well come on, one guilt piles on another and soon it’s snowballing. He’s thinking about every little mistake, whether Maggie cared about it or not, and wondering if he could’ve done things differently, how would things have turned out?

Sophie, on the other hand, knows he was honest, knows there’s nothing he should be feeling guilty about, at least not when it comes to what they had before the team. Maybe she harbors some envy toward Maggie, but she’s also in a very unstable and unsure spot. She doesn’t know where she stands with Nate personally, only professionally as a grifter on his team. And maybe she does feel somewhat guilty, but she’s trying to lessen the burden that Nate’s put on himself (not that she’s supposed to do that, and it’s another reason I’m glad the writers pushed off their romance)

You know you fucked up when the Vatican rolls up

(now I wanna see a job that takes place in/near the Vatican where the team has to avoid the Vatican and try not to get themselves smited for another fake miracle because Hardison, Parker, and Eliot booked it as soon as they heard the Vatican)

Paul really nailed Nate. At this point, Nate is an alcoholic and he’s depressed, like severely. Nate is using this team as a way to maybe redeem some part of himself, and possibly end him in a way that’s well.... it either does some good for someone or it ruins his reputation

I also wonder if Nate ever did go back before they moved. Maybe just once or twice, even if it was just to talk to Paul.

Also very clever to use Saint Nicholas. After digging around (googling about him) I found out he’s technically the patron saint of repentant thieves

#skunk of rage #leverage #long post sorry about that #nate ford #parker #eliot spencer #alec hardison #sophie devereaux

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papermoonloveslucy · 4 years

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HUMILIATED & UNHAPPY

July 16, 1960

TV Guide ~ July 16-22, 1960 (Vol.8, No.29 & Issue #381) Cover photo by Sherm Weisberg, Fashions by Sacks Fifth Avenue

This was Lucille Ball’s tenth (of 39) TV Guide covers.

“A VISIT WITH LUCILLE BALL” by Dan Jenkins

On January 19, 1953, Desi Arnaz rushed exultantly into the Hollywood Brown Derby, grinning that wide, idiotic grin common to new fathers for the past several eons. Striding down a side isle, he threw his arms excitedly in the air and shouted, "Now we got everythin'!" By "everythin'," Arnaz was encompassing quite a bit of territory - an eight-pound son born that morning, the birth of the Ricardo son on ‘I Love Lucy’ that same night and a gold-plated peak of popularity for a television series which, in all probability, will never again be approached. On May 4, 1960, just seven years later, Desi Arnaz and Lucille Ball, quite possibly the most widely known couple in show-business history, were divorced. She had sued for divorce once before (she didn't complete the proceedings), but that was back in 1944 when Desi was a corporal in the Army, Lucy was a star at MGM and World War II was getting all the headlines. By 1960, the Lucy-Desi combine had made so many headlines that no one even bothered to look at the press-clipping scrapbooks any more, or the countless awards that had rolled in on them from all over the country. On an overcast spring afternoon, just 10 days after the divorce, Lucille Ball was sitting in her small but tastefully decorated dressing room on the Desilu lot. That morning, during a short drive over to the neighboring Paramount lot to confer with the producers of her upcoming picture with Bob Hope, she had stuck her head out the window of her chauffeur-driven car and shouted to a friend, "Hi! Remember me? I used to work at Desilu." The remark was not only typical of Lucy Ball but an unwitting reflection of her character and a classic off-the-cuff example of the laugh-clown-laugh tradition. Like most true clowns, Lucy is not a jovial, outgoing person. Her devastating sense of humor, often with a cutting edge, is reserved for her friends. In her dealings with the press she is precise, truthful - and sparing with words. A newsman asked her recently if she had plans to marry again. Lucy stared at him for a few seconds and said simply, "No." (1) The newsman felt that Lucy had missed her calling and should be rushed into the negotiations with Khrushchev forthwith. Relaxing (which is to say, at least sitting down for a few minutes) with an old friend in her dressing room that spring afternoon, Lucy alternated between abrupt sentences and spilled-over paragraphs. On the subject of her immediate plans, she talked almost as though by rote. "I start rehearsals this week for a picture with Bob Hope. It's called 'The Facts of Life.' [She did not wince at the title.] I liked it the minute I read the script and said I'd do it if Bob would. It's written and produced by Norman Panama and Melvin Frank. We have a 10-week shooting schedule. "Then I go to New York with the two children, my mother and two maids. We have a seven-room apartment on 69th Street at Lexington. I'll start rehearsals right away for a Broadway show, 'Wildcat.' It's a comedy with music, not a musical comedy, but the music is important. I play a girl wildcatter in the Southwestern oil fields around the turn of the century. It was written by N. Richard Nash, who wrote 'The Rainmaker.' He is co-producer with Michael Kidd, the director. We're still looking for a leading man. I want an unknown. He has to be big, husky, around 40. He has to be able to throw me around, and I'm a pretty big girl. He has to be able to sing, at least a little. (2) I have to sing, too. It's pretty bad. When I practice, I hold my hands over my ears. We open out of town - I don't know where - and come to New York in December. [Ed. Note: ‘Wildcat’ is now scheduled to make its debut in Philadelphia in November.] (3) "I'm terrified. I've never been on the stage before, except in 'Dream Girl' years ago. But we always filmed ‘I Love Lucy’ before a live audience. I knew a long time ago that I was eventually going to go to Broadway and that's one reason why we shot Lucy that way. But I'm still terrified. The contract for the play runs 18 months. Maybe it will last that long. Maybe longer. And maybe it will last three days." (4) The phone rang. A man's voice, the resonant kind which a telephone seems to make louder, wanted to know if Lucy would like to go out that night. Lucy's expression indicated that the whole idea was a bore but the man prattled on. He apparently had a commitment to attend a young night-club singer's act. "I've seen him twice already," Lucy said into the phone, "and his press agent is now saying I've been there eight times. If I go again the kid will be saying I'm in love with him. He's 2-feet-6 and nine years old. I don't want any part of it." The voice on the phone turned to a tone of urgent pleading. Lucy held the phone away from her at arms length and looked to the ceiling for advice and guidance. She finally hung up. "I go out because people ask me to," she said. "I have no love for night clubs, unless there's an act I especially want to see. And I don't especially want to see this kid's again." She lit another cigarette. "Nervous habit," she said. "I don't inhale, never did. Just nerves.” "I get tired too easily. The reaction is beginning to set in. I've had pneumonia twice in a year. That's not good." There was a long silence. Even for old friends, Lucy is not an easy person to talk to. "I filed for the divorce the day after I finished my last piece of film under the Westinghouse contract," she said suddenly. "I should have done it long ago." Would there ever be any more Lucy-Desi specials like those Westinghouse had sponsored? (5) She stared. "No," she said abruptly. She paused. "Even if everything were alright, we'd never work together again. We had six years of a pretty successful series and two years of specials. Why try to top it? That would be foolish. We always knew that when the time came to quit, we'd quit. We were lucky. We quit while we were still ahead." Was she happy?

Another stare. "Am I happy? No. Not yet. I will be. I've been humiliated. That's not easy for a woman." She started to talk about the recent years with Desi. She talked in a quiet, factual monotone, a voice that had been all through bitterness and was now beyond it. She talked with an implicit faith that what she was saying was off the record. It was. Some day, it was suggested to her, somebody was going to write the story. She stared. "Who would want to?" (6) She looked over at the framed picture of Desi that stood on a small table. "Look at him," she said. "That's the way he looked 10 years ago. He doesn't look like that now. He'll never look like that again." The door was opened and a spring breeze began drawing some of the heavy cigarette smoke out of the room. Lucy smiled a little and turned to her desk. "Try to write," she said finally, "more than I said but not as much as I said."

FOOTNOTES

(1) Lucille Ball did indeed marry again - to Gary Morton (born Morton Goldaper) on November 21, 1961. They remained married until her death.

(2) Gordon MacRae, Jock Mahoney, and Gene Barry were considered before Lucille selected Keith Andes to play the role of Joe Dynamite. He was indeed 40 years old at the time of casting. He committed suicide in 2005.

(3) 'Wildcat’s’ Philadelphia tryout opened on October 29, 1960. The Broadway opening had to be postponed when trucks hauling the sets and costumes to New York were stranded on the New Jersey Turnpike by a major blizzard. After two previews, the show opened on December 16th at Broadway’s Alvin (now Neil Simon) Theatre.

(4) ‘Wildcat’ ran for 171 regular performances. The show was on hiatus from February 5, 1961 through February 9, 1961 during Lucille Ball's illness. The production was to take a 9-week hiatus after June 3rd, 1961 and re-open August 7, 1961, to complete Ball’s contract, but the show closed and did not return due to Ball’s physical exhaustion.

(5) Jenkins is referring to the 13 “The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hours” which were part of the “Westinghouse-Desilu Playhouse” which continued the adventures of the Ricardos and the Mertzes, including guest stars, musical numbers, and travel-themed episodes.

(6) Lucy and Desi’s tempestuous marriage has been the subject of several books, two television movies, an award-winning documentary, and at least one stage musical!

TV Guide columnist Dan Jenkins had his name used by “I Love Lucy” in “Redecorating” (ILL S2;E8) in 1952 for the used furniture salesman played by Hans Conried. His name was also mentioned in “Lucy and Ethel Buy The Same Dress” (S3;E3) as a possible emcee for their television show. His qualifications? He plays tissue paper and comb!

In 1953, when Lucille Ball was accused of being a Communist, the real Dan Jenkins stood up at a press conference and said “Well, I think we all owe Lucy a vote of thanks, and I think a lot of us owe her an apology.” Lucy and Desi walked over to where Jenkins was standing and gave him a huge hug. Jenkins later said, “From that time on, we were very good friends.” His last interview with Lucy was in 1986 during “Life with Lucy.”

OTHER ARTICLES

“Shari Lewis and her Puppets” - Lewis was a ventriloquist who’s main character was the sock puppet Lambchop. In 1960, after years of guest-starring on television, Lewis got her own show, which lasted three years on NBC.

“Ty Hardin’s Whirlwind Career” - Ty Hardin and his western show “Bronco” (1958-63) was ABC TV’s answer to Clint Walker’s “Cheyenne”.

“From the Mouth’s of Babes Comes Happy’s Gimmick” - “Happy” (1960-61) was the nickname of a baby, who’s thoughts could be heard by the viewers in this one-season sitcom. It was filmed at Desilu Studios.

“The Untouchables - Fact and Fiction: Part 2″ - “The Untouchables” (1959-63) was a series that began on “The Westinghouse-Desilu Playhouse” and turned into a hit weekly show by Desilu.

PHOTO FEATURES

“Linkletter’s Packing Tips” - Art Linkletter was one of television’s most popular hosts and presenters. Lucille Ball appeared on his show “House Party” in 1965 as well as a 1966 episode of “The Lucy Show” and a 1970 episode of “Here’s Lucy,” both times playing himself.

“Connie Stevens’ Calorie Counter” - Connie Stevens was a singer and actress then playing Cricket Blake on “Hawaiian Eye” (1959-63).

REVIEW

“Mystery Show” - was a mystery anthology series broadcast on NBC from May 1960 to September 1960 as a summer replacement for “The Dinah Shore Chevy Show” with Walter Slezak as host, except for the last three episodes, which had Vincent Price as host.

At the time Evelyn Bigsby was the Associate Managing Editor for Women’s Features at TV Guide’s Hollywood Bureau. Her name was given to the new mother (played by Mary Jane Croft) who sits next to Lucy on the plane in “Return Home From Europe” (ILL S5;E26) in 1956.

Depending on the time zone, “I Love Lucy” was re-run every morning at 10 or 11am. Here it competed with “The Price Is Right” which was broadcast in color! NBC (RCA) was the leader in color television and staked its claim far soon than CBS. “The Lucy Show” didn’t air in color until the fall of 1965.

In another market, “I Love Lucy” ran weekdays at 10am. This edition (same cover and feature articles, different listings) included “Lucy” episode descriptions, while others did not. Notice that an hour earlier the same channel re-ran Desilu’s series “December Bride”. On Monday, July 18, 1960, the re-run was “Second Honeymoon” (ILL S5;E14). From this we can logically assume that this week, in this particular TV market, channel 2 and 8 presented:

TUESDAY, JULY 19, 1960 - “Lucy Meets the Queen (ILL S5;E15)

WEDNESDAY, JULY 20, 1960 - “The Fox Hunt” (ILL S5;E16)

THURSDAY, JULY 21, 1960 - “Lucy Goes To Scotland” (ILL S5;E17)

FRIDAY, JULY 22, 1960 - “Paris at Last” (ILL S5;E18)

On Tuesday, July 19, 1960, at 8:30pm, CBS aired the unsold pilot for "Head of the Family". The pilot had Carl Reiner as TV writer Rob Petrie, Barbara Britton as Rob's wife Laura, Sylvia Miles as Sally Rogers, and Morty Gunty as Buddy Sorrell. In 1961, CBS would score a hit with a new name and a new cast of Dick Van Dyke, Mary Tyler Moore, Rose Marie, and Morey Amsterdam, filmed at Desilu Studios.

For American TV viewers, this was the week between the Democratic National Convention (July 11-15) and the Republican National Convention (July 25-28). Both parties affirmed their November presidential candidates: John F. Kennedy (D) and Richard M. Nixon (R). Kennedy would prove the victor on Election Day.

Eight years earlier, in July 1952, an estimated 70 million voters watched the broadcasts, which ended with the nominations of Adlai Stevenson II and Dwight D. Eisenhower. Although the conventions were also televised in 1948, few Americans owned a TV set to watch them. There was a popular myth that Stevenson lost the election because of backlash from interrupting airings of “I Love Lucy” with hour-long campaign ads. Another story has Stevenson receiving a telegram from a Lucy fan that read: “I love Lucy, but I hate you.” The situation was paralleled on “I Love Lucy” in “The Club Election” (ILL S2;E19). By 1956, the conventions were less a novelty on television, and drew smaller ratings and less attention. In the summer of 1956, Lucy and Desi were preparing their sixth and final season of “I Love Lucy” and storylines had to revolve around big name guest stars (Orson Welles and Bob Hope) and the move to Connecticut.

Lucille Ball’s last appearance as Lucy Ricardo was on April 1, 1960, just four and a half months before this issue of TV Guide hit the stands. She wouldn’t return to series television until September 1962, by which time Lucille will be back on the cover of TV Guide once again. She remained a yearly fixture on the Guide cover until 1974 and then made only one more original appearance to mark her return with “Life With Lucy.”

After this article comes out, the next time TV viewers see Lucille Ball on their home screens is to promote her film with Bob Hope, The Facts of Life, on “The Garry Moore Show” on September 27, 1960. The film opened in November 1960.

For more about TV Guide and “I Love Lucy” click here!

#TV Guide #Lucille Ball #I Love Lucy #Dan Jenkins #1960 #Garry Moore Show #The Westinghouse-Desilu Playhouse #The Lucy-Desi Comedy Hour #TV #Desilu #Eveyln Bigsby #Art Linkletter #Shari Lewis #Ty Hardin #Mary Jane Croft #Untouchables #Connie Stevens #Hans Conried #Wildcat

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happy-haunts · 5 years

Text

Madame Leota pt. 1

Chapter one | Constance pt.1 : Constance pt.2

Chapter two | Mister Topper pt.1 : Mister Topper pt.2

Chapter three | Madame Leota pt.1 : Madame Leota pt.2

Chapter four | The Hostess

Chapter five | Captain Blood pt.1 : Captain Blood pt.2

Chapter six | Emily DeClaire pt.1 : Emily DeClaire pt.2 : Emily DeClaire pt.3

Chapter seven | Finale

WARNING THIS POST CONTAINS THEMES OF VIOLENCE AND ABUSE!

The powers of the great beyond shuddered under the grasp of my incantations as the spirits whispered secrets into my ears- two of our own were approaching and with them were questions of which they sought me to answer. But deeper and deeper still I dug into their truest desires and as I pried prodded my eyes flashed open at the sound of Constance Hatchaway and Red bursting through my door.

I might not have a body but if I did then I would have been tapping my foot at the sudden intrusion. “I expect you both have a better reason for barging in here than just for me to tell you about our Bride?” Red was in awe at my knowledge of their quest.

“Okay so ... We actually do, can you explain why Constance and Hatty can’t remember things? And not like in the ‘we’re super old and lost our orthopedic slippers’ way but in the ‘we’re super old and hot and I can’t remember the story I literally gave a detailed synopsis of one minute ago’ kind of way.” Red took a seat at my table after her long winded speech, my head was resting on a metal stand inside of a glowing green crystal ball before her.

“Of course I can.” I moved my aura on a deck of tarot cards and flipped them up to face me one at a time.

“You seek the answers to the oddities of the Mansion, the force at work which controls the mansion and all inside.” I set down the cards neatly in their stack and then started the dramatic music behind them.

“Controls the mansion? There’s something controlling all of us?” Red asked, Constance was sitting beside her now, her eyes staring off as she was furiously trying to remember what they were doing.

“Not all of us ... I am immune since I am the one who gave the entity their power in the first place.”

“Oh so you just give out otherworldly magic on your off days? Is it just a hobby knotting up all of that black magic and gifting it to customers?” Red crossed her arms and slumped in her chair.

“I don’t give out the powers of the universe like candy!” I growled, but pursed my lips and avoided Red’s gaze. “However I may charge a fee- but we can discuss prices a little later.”

“I don’t want any magic of regions beyond!” Red sighed, “I want to know why this is happening to Constance and how to stop it.”

“It’s not happening to you.” I pointed out, “Surely you’re curious about that?” She fidgeted in her chair but gave a little nod as she pouted.

“Yeah... a little I guess.”

“The entity YOU’RE dealing with only controls the ghosts who belong to the mansion, you don’t belong to the mansion since your remains nor your death involved the manor, therefore whatever it is attempting to do with Constance cannot be accomplished with you.”

“The entity I’M dealing with? Is there more than one?” I grinned.

“I believe I should start from the beginning.”

“Or you could just give me straight answers so we don’t have to stretch this out over several chapters.” I whacked Red upside the head with my tambourine and refused to acknowledge her fourth wall break.

❧

I loved my childhood, my parents were always quite understanding of me even when I would act up - which was quite often - and the caravan would tell them to be stricter with me.

I was ungrateful for what I had and would always want more, I was a selfish child - no matter where we went I would always want to stay in the townsfolk’s houses and want to eat fine meats from the butcher... But we didn’t have enough money to get any of those things.

I began to grow older and as a teen I ran away from the caravan, I would go into the nearest town to dance for money in the streets and buy myself sweets - then refuse to eat the meals they cooked in the evenings.

One day I had done just that and headed off towards the current town we were in near - we travelled all around Europe and Africa so it’s hard to keep track of town names. I was approached by a man on my walk who was rather plump, he had straw decorating his ankles, a skirt that was a combination of a red and white fabric as well as straw, around his neck were beads and ... a shrunken head, his hair was black like coal just as his eyes were, face decorated with red paint, and seated on his head was a black top hat.

“Good evening young lady my name is Trader Sam, and what is a little girl like you doing out here all alone?”

“I don’t see why it’s any of your business.” I said while raising my chin as though he was beneath me.

“You seem rather put together for a girl of your age.”

“Because I am, now if you excuse me I have to get to work.”

“Of course, I apologize.” I gave a little nod and turned away only for him to continue talking. “I was going to tell you how to earn even more money without even having to work ... But I understand.” I turned to face him again.

“How do you do that?”

“Oh I don’t want to keep you from your work, so I had better go.”

“Wait! I asked you a question!” He smiled and propped himself forward on his umbrella. “Tell me how to make money without having to work.”

“Well if you want to really know then we’ll have to make a deal first.” I crossed my arms and leaned back - glaring at him suspiciously.

“What kind of deal?”

“It’s more of a trade really - I take something of value to you and you take all of my secrets.”

“Secrets...?”

“Yes, because you know the only way to make money without working is magic.”

“Oh please, there isn’t any such thing as magic.” He lifted his palm and after a moment a green ball of fire appeared, I gasped and stepped back from him - he extinguished the flame. “How did you do that?”

“Magic.” He shrugged, “And I can give you all that power - all of the freedom to do as you please ... If you are willing to make a deal.”

I let the offer sink in - it was everything I could ever want! No more dragging around the caravan, no more cooking rabbit for supper, and no more needing to rely on nasty rich people to pity us.

“I ... I’ll make a deal with you.” Trader Sam grinned while extending his hand to me.

“Then lets shake on it.”

As I took his hand the shrunken head that hung around his neck opened it’s mouth and a green ball of fire like the one Trader Sam made before floated in the air towards me- absorbing into my chest.

“And now for your payment, I shall take what is most valuable to you.” I patted myself down, I hardly had any money on me - but he seemed to chuckle at my searching. “Oh no, not monetary value ...” He lifted his hands and my parents appeared on either side of him.

“Wait! You can’t take my parents!”

“You shouldn’t have been so careless, they are what you value most.”

“Leota? What is going on?” My mother hissed, but Trader Sam snapped his fingers and my parents were now two shrunken heads in his hand.

“GIVE THEM BACK!” I screamed and blasted one of those green orbs towards him - Sam merely shielded himself with his umbrella and turned away from me. I was crying now while the rage filled my chest, “Don’t walk away!” And he stopped in place, “I want you to be rooted to that spot for the rest of your life.” He peered back to me, now a little nervous.

“I think we can come to some kind of deal here ....”

“Give me back my parents and I’ll set you free.” I was having a hard time seeing him since so many tears were rolling down my cheeks.

“I can’t do that, once a deal has been made then there is no reversing it ... Besides that you parents are...” He lifted the shrunken heads. “Well and gone.” I clenched my fists, screaming while falling onto my knees.

“You’re an absolutely terrible man!”

“Perhaps, but that’s how I became head salesman.” I couldn’t take it any longer, I picked myself up and walked away - listening to his pleas of mercy slowly fade the further I separated myself from him.

❧

I couldn’t show my face in my old caravan after that, I decided that I would travel to a new continent and lucky for me there was a ship leaving for the Americas when I reached the harbor.

I snuck aboard and once I arrived at our destination I set out to find a new home.

I manifested a wagon and I travelled across the Americas for several years before I found a town that hadn’t immediately shown me out upon seeing my psychic reading skills.

This town was New Orleans Square, and being that I was now 29 by the time of finally finding a tolerable town - I was glad to bring my traveling to a halt. The town was nothing too fancy or large with green metal rails decorating balconies, red brick homes, and trees that were decorated with swamp moss.

I set up my wagon near the edge of the town so not to block any paths for the townspeople, and the morning after I brought out my table as well as my crystal ball to sit outside and entice people to my readings.

It didn’t take long before a gentleman approached my table, “So you must be the famous Madame Leota.” He grinned - the man looked young but his hair was startlingly white and he wore a noose around his neck.

“Famous? I only just arrived here yesterday sir - you are my first customer.”

“No, no the apparitions have been speaking about you all night - they hardly get any real entertainment, most of the time they hang around family members and criticize their life choices.” I blinked but smiled to the man, what a very strange thing to say.

“I didn’t know anyone else could converse with the dead - let alone do it passively.”

“Yes it was quite the shock when I was younger! I was at my dear Granny’s funeral when I saw my first spirit - she was quite livid that they had decided to have an open casket instead of cremating her like she wanted to be.”

“I would be livid too, what did you say your name was again?”

“I didn’t.” He said flatly and sat in the chair across from me, “But if you would like to know it is Vincent Beauregard Gracey, eldest in the Gracey line.”

“I didn’t know there was a Gracey line, but it’s good to meet you Vincent.”

“Mister Gracey - please.” I cocked an eyebrow at his boldness.

“Mister Gracey then... I am Madame Leota.” He seemed to pay me no mind as he sat in the chair- his eyes wandering over my wagon.

“Memento Mori ... So you are also a fan of the Macabre?” I gritted my teeth at the mention but eventually relaxed, giving a polite smile to the man.

“Yes, I have a few regrets and because of this I am patiently waiting for the moment when I can cease to exist, thus I will always remember death.” Vincent nodded approvingly.

“If you would like to go sooner I have this.” He lifted his noose that hung around his scrawny neck, “I haven’t the time to get to using it myself but perhaps someday.” He sighed, “The spirits make the afterlife look like such a good time.”

“I would like to see the afterlife if it’s as much fun as you say.” His eyes met with mine for the first time and he leaned his elbows on the edge of my table.

“Well now, if you would like I can show you my graveyard tonight over dinner?”

“I think I would like that very much Mister Gracey.”

“Then it’s a date.”

❧

I slaved away the rest of the day before finally getting to close up shop and go into town to buy a dress especially for tonight.

What a man, He could commune with the dead AND owned a graveyard? He must have been after my heart with a line like that.

I asked around the town for the home of a Vincent Gracey - which greeted me with anxious glances, eventually I was pointed to the mansion at the end of town and I had finally arrived.

I had chosen a blood red gown that popped from my dark brown skin, my brown hair was pinned up and two red droplets hung from my ears.

Vincent was standing at the large iron gate which led to his backyard, he took my hand and kissed the knuckles before leading me into a graveyard filled with what must have been somewhere near 900 graves? Atop some of the headstones were candles that made a path to a table for two, red roses decorated the table.

“I apologize for the florals - it seems my gardener had gotten rid of all my decaying roses.” How considerate!

“No need to apologize, this is still very lovely.”

“Won’t you sit? Feel free to speak with whomever you choose that has passed on - they seem to know quite a bit about you it seems.” I was taking my seat as he said so and looked up in confusion.

“How is that? I’ve hardly done anything of noting.”

“They say you’ve thwarted a warlock by the age of 13.” I unconsciously soured my expression.

“He was hardly a warlock, just a slimey black magic dealer - he swindled me out of having parents.” Vincent considered me for a moment while I took to composing myself, after all it was my fault ... I was a rotten child that had no business trying to act as though she was grown.

“How very tragic for you my dear ...” He placed his hand over my own, his eyes were like sapphires. “I knew a girl who lost her parents once, she was an odd one such as you and I - she romanticized those who had passed on without even knowing that they lived among us nor having any power to know as much.” He stroked my hand with his thumb as he knitted his brow, “I used to live with my parents in their mansion - it also had a graveyard of the Gracey’s whom passed before us, but there were a great deal of them which remained unmarked or were so old the names had faded ... Leaving them to be forgotten.”

“How terrible ...”

“But as if out of the blue, flowers began appearing on those graves every night - naturally my parents thought it was me since I usually strolled through the graveyard to converse with my deceased family. Curious about the mysterious visitor I decided to ask about it to the dead - it was a young girl that visited every night followed by two apparitions which were trying to interact with her. More intrigued than before I decided to wait for her to arrive - she was small with short hair and wearing a mourning gown, the two ghosts behind her were telling her to leave the town.” Vincent pulled his hand back and sighed. “Not long after the flowers stopped being placed on the unmarked grave.”

“Did she die?” I whispered - invested in the story.

“No, not quite.” He tilted his head to the side and looked past me a moment, his eyes lit with excitement. “My brother is home!”

“Brother? Here? Now?” I felt broken hearted when he said so, we hadn’t even eaten supper yet.

“No! No! Some family is visiting from Liberty Square and they said my brother has just arrived home! I haven’t seen him since mother and father sent him off to join the Navy, oh but I don’t think he’ll much like if I visit him - we never got along very well.” Vincent locked eyes with me and grinned, “Leota! You can visit my brother for me and tell him I’m in New Orleans Square! You can tell him to come visit me!” My heart began to sink even more as he proposed the plan.

“Well I suppose I could -.”

“Wonderful! We must cut the evening short and you need to head on your way at once! Oh and if you could send my greetings to the residents in the graveyard as well- that would be just fantastic of you.”

❧

And that’s just how life is - one moment you think you’ve met the man of your dreams, and the next moment he is sending you to a wealthy town to say hello to his wealthy brother and dead family members.

Liberty Square was all brick and white picket fences (with the exception of the Gracey Mansion) the people were suspicious and distant. I needed pointing to where Mister Gracey lived so I stopped a large man who wore a grey suit with a yellow ascot tucked into his vest.

“Excuse me, I’m looking for the home of a Mister Gracey?”

“It’s at the end of the road - I would think a slave would keep better track of her master’s home.” Some of the townspeople near him snickered at me.

“What did you just call me?” I growled, stepping toe to toe with him now. “I think you should evaluate your words before you speak them, otherwise I might hitch you up to a wagon like the ass you make yourself out to be.” The man adjusted himself as he turned a light pink.

“You had better watch your tongue, woman, and recognize who you’re speaking to.”

“My apologies- you must be a pig instead of an ass.” His face turned deep red as he raised his hand to strike but a man in a black coat grabbed his wrist and leaned towards the older gentleman.

“Well now, lets not cause a scuffle right here in the streets.” His hair was curly and black, pale skin, and ... sapphire eyes. “I heard there was a green-eyed woman looking for my place around town, so naturally I went on my own little adventure.”

“William, you had better keep your help in line.” The older gentleman yanked his arm from William and straightened out his coat.

“She’s not my help, Mister Mayor, I think she’s new in town - but allow me ma’am.” He linked his arm with mine and began walking me down the street.

“That man is your Mayor? He’s an insufferable ass.” William laughed and patted my arm.

“Yes, yes he is - but he is like an angel to the town, they all fear the changing times and the mayor is an unmoving stone ... Their only constant.” How sad that so many people could be so fearful of the future and the unknown, that they would just let such a man have power. “On a lighter note, why is it that you were seeking me out?”

“Ah, your brother wanted me to send you his greetings from New Orleans Square, he would like you to visit him now that you’re back.”

William rolled his eyes, “I’m not going to visit that ghost seeing idiot - does he still wear a noose around his neck?” I nodded, “Of course he does!” He unhooked our arms and ran his fingers through his hair. “I apologize, I just don’t much care for my brother ... either one of them.”

“There is another one of you?”

“Yes, Dorian ... He’s the middle brother and he’s full of himself! Probably married a mirror for all I know.” William shook his head, “No, no, enough talk about my family - where are you staying miss...?”

“Leota, I have a wagon that I left in the woods, I’ll probably make camp there tonight.”

“If it’s even still there, we have gypsies that live in our woods Miss Leota so you may wish to stay at my home tonight - if not then hurry back to make sure they haven’t mistaken it for something abandoned.”

“I’ll probably just go back and get it, however I wouldn’t mind sleeping in a real bed - that is if you have somewhere I can store my wagon?”

“But of course, my doors are always open.” He lifted my hand and kissed the knuckles with a wink, before I turned away towards the woods as the sun went down.

❧

Lucky for me my wagon was still seated among the trees where I had left it, as I assessed the inside to make sure nothing was missing I heard music off in the distance, curious I stepped back outside into the night and noticed the light just beyond where I was.

It seemed to be a camp, upon closer inspection I saw it was a caravan of only 10-20 people - how had they gotten so small?

“What do you want?” Called a man, he drew a knife as I came into the firelight.

“I mean no harm, I’m camped just beyond those trees and saw the fire - I was just wondering who my neighbors were.”

“She has witch eyes...” One man whispered,

“I don’t need a witch in our caravan, we suffer enough as is.”

“Calm down, I’m not a witch - witches are far less powerful.” I rolled my eyes, “But everyone is so scared of them because their hats are pointy! Oh no!” I feigned fear and placed my hands on my hips.

“As if a witch wasn’t bad enough, you’re a devil then.”

“Stop it!” A girl stepped in front of the man - she wore a yellow dress, dark brown hair, tanned skin, and flowers knotted in her hair. “She has already said she meant no harm, there is no need to be so mean!” She held her arms out shielding me.

“Emily, you’re too naive! This woman curses people!” The girl named Emily turned around - looking me up and down with her bright blue eyes.

“She seems normal enough to me.” A sly grin slid over my lips.

“Fine, if it will calm your nerves then I’ll make a deal with you...” I held out my hand to the man, “I will not harm this caravan in any way and in return I will ask one favor of you when I need it.”

“No way, I’m not going to risk whatever you ask of me.” He crossed his arms but the girl grabbed onto my hand and gave it a hearty shake.

“Deal!” She grinned and the deal was made. “There, now your caravan is off limits and no one needs to worry anymore.”

The man was pale as he looked to Emily, but in his astonishment he couldn’t find any words to reprimand her so ... he walked away.

“You know that was quite foolish of you, I can ask anything of you and you’ll have no choice but to obey.”

“Yes well, you don’t seem like you’ll make me do anything too bad - I trust you.” She looked behind me to my wagon, “Are you going to be heading back to town? I should start heading back home anyway so I’ll walk with you.”

I almost lost it when she said that, “Are you telling me you live in town? You aren’t even part of this caravan?” Emily seemed confused but she answered regardless.

“No, but they’re good people - they get harassed a lot by the town so they’re a bit more wary of strangers but they really aren’t all that bad.”

“You really are naive ... “ I sighed and headed with her to my wagon.

❧

I stayed at Mister Gracey’s that night - he had his red coated servants take my wagon while William gave me the grand tour. The manor itself was grand in a gothic style, the very entrance had long walls looking like they stretched to eternity- if it weren’t for Williams’ instruction I would have thought there were no windows or doors, it took us to the hallways which were a royal purple - with a wallpaper that felt as though it watched me, then we went off into the grandballroom - it seemed to be set apart from the rest of the mansion since it was decorated in silvers and whites with white billowing curtains over the windows which were as high as the house itself, and then he showed me the backyard where members of his family were buried and where I told the residents that Vincent said hello.

“He really wanted you to talk to the dead for him?” William scoffed.

“What is it about our abilities that you doubt?”

“Hm, perhaps the existence of magic in general? It’s all just observation and parlor tricks.”

“Well maybe I’ll be able to change your mind while I’m here... but for now, goodnight Mister Gracey.”

“For fucks sake just call me William, I hate all that title crap- er and goodnight Leota.”

Getting up the next morning I decided to entice the young Gracey by setting up my reading table not too far from his front door. I also wasn’t sure how this town would take to such an occult dealing on their streets, but I was happily surprised when I had quite the line of folks wanting to know their desires or if their husbands were cheating on them.

One young lady sat at my table wearing a mourning gown, her hair was blonde, and eyes dark blue.

“Why such a beautiful young woman, what is your name and what do you ask of Madame Leota?”

“I’m Constance Hatchaway, I wanted to know... if I ever find true love?” She blushed but the harsh look on her eyes never faded.

“Let us look, may I have your hands?” She reached out and I closed my eyes.

Seeing into the future was much easier than reading a person - all it took was a conduit made of some kind of stone or glass(my crystal ball) and the physical touch of the person whom wants to know their fate.

I walked on top of a river made of stars as I searched for her request, leaning down every now and again to reach into the river and inspect the stars which contained every moment in her life. I searched until I came to an abrupt halt from the stars ... This was the line of death, where the river stops then so does ones life - but amazingly beyond the gap were blue stars! It was impossible but I was seeing into her afterlife, upon further inspection there was a certain star among them that glowed a warm red color and as I picked it up I was overcome with such joy I couldn’t help but laugh.

I released Constance’s hands as I was still laughing - now wiping away a tear.

“It’ll take a long time but you will find true love.” I leaned close to her as she leaned in with me. “And she will be beautiful.”

“T-thank you!” Constance blushed and scrambled to stand as she stuffed money into my jar.

It was rather nice to know at least one person in the town was normal.

My relief was short lived as the Mayor stood before me now, his hands clasped behind him as his sky blue eyes evaluated my set up.

“And what can I help you with?” I growled.

“I was just wondering if you had permission to set up shop here? But of course I know you don’t since you would have had to ask me personally.”

What a jackass.

“I don’t believe you have jurisdiction over someone’s private property.”

“Oh but I do.” He leaned down with his hands clutching the edge of my table, I was lucky it didn’t snap under his weight. The mayor wasn’t a fat man but rather built for someone of his age, and taller than any man I’d ever seen - the best way I could describe him was a brick wall. “You see I run the town and the town pays their taxes which means they pay me... to live here. You wouldn’t want me to evict your master now would you?” I sucked in a breath and glared, giving a glance behind him - hoping someone was there to perform a reading on but it seemed he waited till everyone had gone for the day, but a thought crossed my mind.

“Dear Mister Mayor...” I cooed, “Won’t you let me give you a free reading to make up for this? I can search deep down to your truest desires - things you may not realize you have been denying.” He seemed to think about it a moment before taking a seat across from me and placing his hands palm up on either side of my crystal ball.

I placed my palms atop his and closed my eyes.

#disney parks #haunted mansion #disney world #disneyland #emily declaire #we wants the redhead #disney #ghosts #webcomic #wewantstheredhead #madame leota #captain blood

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hayley566 · 5 years

Photo

I was watching Lavendertowne make her own versions of the seven deadly sins as demon girls and decided to give it a try myself. For info on each picture and why I chose to represent each sin as such, look under the cut.

GLUTTONY

I chose gluttony as the first one for two reasons. 1.) The misconception of gluttony only meaning overeating. Gluttony is overindulgence at the risk of ones own health or well being. This can be overdrinking, overeating, excessive drug use, gambling, etc. Basically, you're harming yourself just to make yourself feel good for awhile. 2.) In Christianity, it's seen as a sort of gateway sin or a way to coax one into far worse sins. In a story from the bible, a man was forced to chose one of three sins to commit when he made a bet with a demon. These were rape, murder or gluttony. He chose gluttony in the form of drunkeness and drug use, hoping to trick the demon and keep his soul clean enough to go to heaven. However, in his inebriated state, he had stumbled into his parents home on accident instead of his own. His mind was so fogged that he thought his sleeping mother was his wife and he proceeded to have sex with her. When his father came in and saw this, he tried to pull his son away from his wife and ended up getting killed when his son reacted violently. Not only was the man now damned but he had committed rape, incest and murder through his gluttony. As for the design, the pattern on her dress and her blood are meant to invoke the color of red wine. Her claws are meant to invoke syringes as well. I chose this pose to show that she cannot even stand because of how drunk/high she is. Since gluttony is basically overly harming yourself for the sake of pleasure, I had it be that she stabbed herself not only with her own claws but with a playing card(to represent gambling) to consume her own blood to get more high and because she loves the taste. I kept the overeating aspect by giving her sharp teeth and a grotesque tongue.

SLOTH

For Sloth, I thought it would be cool to have her hair be so long that it's like a blanket/cocoon around her. When you don't take care of yourself, your hair gets long and unkempt. The strands sticking out are actually what is holding her up and I thought it was cool that they also resemble spider webs in a way. Sloth's hair moves for her and is how she travels. Her feet are too weak to stand on and even if they weren't, she'd still refuse to move. If a human touches her hair, they lose the will to live or even move, just laying on the ground waiting for death.

LUST

For Lust, I wanted to make her both appealing but also like someone you should keep your distance from. Since sexual harassment is a form of lust, I made her hair into these groping hands the fondle her and want to grab you and pull you close. I wanted to sorta encapsulate the uncomfortable feeling of always being touched and never left alone. Where her heart should be, there's a mouth that wants to only eat flesh. Lust is when you only want someone's body and that can be taken to extreme cases where you sexually abuse someone and "consume" them.

ENVY

This is definitely the sadder of the demons. She's insecure and constantly wants what she can't have, constantly chasing perfection. Her abdomen has no organs and is squeezed tight with bandages to give her the body she wants. Because she constantly wants what others have, she takes them. She carves skin or desirable body parts off of her victims and sews them onto herself to be perfect but it's never enough. Since jealousy is also called the "green eyed monster", I made her eyes very noticeable and glowing almost radioactively.

WRATH

For Wrath, I went for a more animalistic look since wrath can make you lose all rationality and lash out like an angry animal. To add to the animal theme, I had her feet and hands sorta resemble an animal's and made it that the only thing covering her naked body is her long and wild hair. I also made her blind as a nod to the term "blind rage" and to show how wrath can make one blind to reason. Alike the other demons, she behaves more like a feral animal, attacking others she hears comes by, walking on all fours and only speaking in angered yells and screams.

GREED

For Greed, I wanted to go for a sleazy businesswoman sorta vibe. I feel like the worst examples of greed are scam artists the take advantage of people who don't know any better or, even worse, will kidnap and sell others just to make money. that creepy reading made a good video about despicable people like this here.

I gave her a snake-like appearance because another name for a scam artist is a "snake oil salesman" and gave her these grotesque golden arms to reference the story of King Midas. She's supposed to be reaching out to shake hands and "close the deal" with you, tricking you into touching her hand and turning you into gold. I also made her hair and outfit the colors of silver and gold since those have been the form of currency for ages and since those things are still sought after today.

PRIDE

I chose purple as the main color for pride since it's used to often represent royalty. I had her constantly be held up since pride involves putting yourself above others. A really creepy idea I had was to have mirrors be embedded into her eyes so that she can't see her own flaws but can have others have to see their own when they look at her. Her "crown" is another piece of shattered mirror that's stabbed into her scalp. To me, pride is dangerous when someone becomes so prideful that they start putting others down just to elevate themselves more. I gave her a sorta prom dress because I was a little inspired by the movie "Carrie" and how the villains were a group of popular girls that constantly tore down Carrie and I feel like if Pride would basically be a mean girl that thinks she's better than everyone else and treats those around her like trash. Constantly pointing out their flaws and making them feel worse about themselves while she treats herself like a queen.

#seven deadly sins #7 deadly sins #tw gore #gluttony #sloth #envy #lust #wrath #greed #pride

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vrgamertc · 4 years

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John Prine was an Army veteran walking a U.S. Postal Service beat in Chicago and writing songs on the side when Kris Kristofferson heard him and helped spread the word about Prine’s gifts. Pretty soon, he resigned as a letter carrier; his supervisor snickered, “You’ll be back.” Nearly 50 years later, this January, he was given a lifetime achievement Grammy for his contributions to songwriting. The singing mailman almost always had the last laugh.

Prine, who died on Tuesday from complications of the coronavirus, was legitimately unique. He took familiar blues themes — my baby left me — but filled them with whimsy and kindness. He liked a saucy lyric, and wrote movingly, in character, of the quiet lives and loneliness of humdrum people. He seemed like a Zen sage and offered an uncynical live-and-let-live morality in his songs, writing in a colloquial voice that revealed a love of the way Americans speak. He showed how much humor you could put in a song and still be taken seriously. He had less in common with any other songwriter than he did with Mark Twain.

He grew up in Maywood, a western suburb of Chicago, and was reared by working-class parents from Kentucky, where he often spent summers with relatives and fell in love with country music and bluegrass. By 13, he was performing in rural jamborees. When he debuted in 1971, in his mid-20s, he sounded like an old man already, so years later, when he got old and went through two cancer treatments, he still sounded like himself. From his first to his last, he wrote songs that were tender, hilarious, and wise, without grandstanding any of these traits. Here are 15 of the best.

‘Angel From Montgomery’ (1971)

“Angel From Montgomery,” his best-known song, begins with a little declarative startle: “I am an old woman, named after my mother.” It’s an incisive and terrifying look at the dissatisfactions of a bad marriage and a woman’s sense of being economically trapped in her misery. Bonnie Raitt recorded it three years later and uncovered some of the song’s dormant melodies.

‘Your Flag Decal Won’t Get You Into Heaven Anymore’ (1971)

Prine’s self-titled 1971 debut album is a playlist all its own; it has more great songs than a lot of respected songwriters have in their entire careers. The moral stance of this sprightly folk-rock ditty is a response to what he saw as sham patriotism during the Nixon years, and it remains relevant: “Jesus don’t like killing/No matter what the reason’s for.” Prine, a former altar boy, stopped playing it live for a number of years, but when George W. Bush became president, Prine said, “I thought I’d bring it back.”

‘Hello in There’ (1971)

Some fans and critics are put off by this song and its slightly lesser companion, “Sam Stone,” which they see as performative displays of sensitivity toward the vulnerable, or what we now call virtue signaling. Yet somehow, we don’t ever criticize singers for signaling vices and meanness. Prine sings in the voice of an old married man with a dead son, who spends his days in silence and loneliness, and who at the end of the song, asks people to be kind to the elderly.

‘The Frying Pan’ (1972)

For his second album, “Diamonds in the Rough,” Prine assembled a small, mostly acoustic band and pursued a front-porch, Appalachian simplicity. Like a lot of his songs, this one takes a lighthearted view of domestic complications: A man comes home and discovers his wife has run off with a traveling salesman. He cries miserably, recounts what he loved about her (“I miss the way she used to yell at me/The way she used to cuss and moan”), and full of pride, comes to the wrong conclusion: Never leave your wife at home.

‘Please Don’t Bury Me’ (1973)

For people who love Prine’s music, there’s some small solace in listening to his songs about death, which have the same sense of mischief and acceptance as the ones about broken marriages. (Try “Mexican Home” or “He Was in Heaven Before He Died.”) The narrator is dead, and as angels explain to him how it happened, they also recap his last wish: to not be dropped into a cold grave, but to be put to practical use, as an organ donor: “I’d druther have ’em cut me up/And pass me all around.” A kind of recycling anthem from his terrific third album, “Sweet Revenge.”

‘You Never Can Tell’ (1975)

Almost like an apology, Prine concludes “Sweet Revenge,” a grieving, downhearted album, with an exuberant Chuck Berry cover, one great writer nodding to another. The Memphis R&B guitarist Steve Cropper produced the record and put together a crack horn section, which pushes ahead of some barrelhouse piano. Prine wasn’t a rocker, but he could rock.

‘That’s the Way the World Goes Round’ (1978)

Prine seemed to have an unlimited ability to expand and vary songwriting structures and perspectives. This track, which has been covered by Miranda Lambert and Norah Jones, has two verses: In the first, the narrator describes a drunk who “beats his old lady with a rubber hose,” and in the second, the narrator gets stuck in a frozen bathtub (it’s hard to explain) and imagines the worst until a sudden sun thaws him out. Both verses illustrate the refrain: that’s the way the world goes round. Even when circumstances are bad in Prine songs, he favors optimism and acceptance.

‘Iron Ore Betty’ (1978)

A lot of Prine songs celebrate physical pleasure: food, dancing and sex, which he gallantly prefers to call “making love.” The working-class singer in this soulful, up-tempo shuffle feels unreserved delight at having a girlfriend (“We receive our mail in the same mailbox/And we watch the same TV”), and wants us to know he and Betty aren’t just friends (“I got rug burns on my elbows/She’s got ’em on her knees”). OK guy, we get it.

‘Just Wanna Be With You’ (1980)

A stomping number from “Storm Windows” in the style of Chuck Berry, with the Rolling Stones sideman Wayne Perkins on guitar. Prine’s lyrics don’t distinguish between reality and absurdity — they don’t clash, they mix — and here’s one more way to say you’re happy and in love: “I don’t even care what kind of gum I chew.” And another: “Lonely won’t be lonesome when we get through.”

‘Let’s Talk Dirty in Hawaiian’ (1986)

Prine had a sideline in novelty songs, which give full voice to his comic absurdity, throwaways that are worth saving, including the 1973 semi-hit “Dear Abby,” and this now-problematic number from “German Afternoons” inspired by a paperback book called “Instant Hawaiian.” Prine and his co-writer Fred Koller began making up Hawaiian-sounding nonsense words full of sexual innuendo, and Lloyd Green added airport-Tiki-bar bar steel guitar for maximum faux authenticity. You can say Prine’s loving disposition makes the song OK, and you can also say it doesn’t.

‘All the Best’ (1991)

After five years away, Prine returned with “The Missing Years,” a Grammy-winning album produced by Howie Epstein, Tom Petty’s bass player. The singer in this gentle, masterly miniature claims to want good things for an ex-lover, but feelings aren’t simple: “I wish you don’t do like I do/And never fall in love with someone like you” twists the knife. Now recording for his own label, Oh Boy Records, Prine was about to hit a hot streak.

‘Lake Marie’ (1995)

Bob Dylan, who was a huge fan, called the haunted, mysterious “Lake Marie” his favorite Prine song, and who are we to disagree with Dylan on the topic of songwriting? Even though Epstein’s booming production draws too much attention to itself, “Lost Dogs + Mixed Blessings” is full of winners: the simple, loving ballad “Day is Done,” the rapid-fire doggerel of “We Are the Lonely” and the calm, ornery “Quit Hollerin’ at Me,” where Prine tells his wife that the neighbors “already think my name is ‘Where in the hell you been?’”

‘In Spite of Ourselves’ (1999)

Prine was diagnosed with cancer, and doctors removed a tumor from the right side of his neck, which took away his already-modest ability to project his voice. But incredibly, his stolid singing was now perfect for harmonies, and he cut a duets album called “In Spite of Ourselves” with female country and Americana singers. On its one original song, Prine and Iris DeMent trade backhanded compliments (“She thinks all my jokes are corny/Convict movies make her horny”) that read like a divorce complaint, but turn out to be only pillow talk.

‘Some Humans Ain’t Human’ (2005)

At seven minutes and three seconds, this track from “Fair and Square” is the longest song on any of his studio albums. A cloud of slide guitar keeps this soft waltz afloat and allows Prine to express his disapproval of, if not contempt for, so-called humans who lack empathy for others. There’s a couplet that is clearly about George W. Bush, and Prine noticed that some audience members were surprised by it. “I never tried to rub it in anybody’s face, but I thought it was pretty clear that I wasn’t a closet Republican,” he told the Houston Press.

‘When I Get to Heaven’ (2018)

In 2013, doctors removed the cancerous part of Prine’s left lung, which sidelined and weakened him. It’s hard now to listen to his final album, “The Tree of Forgiveness,” which was nominated for three Grammys, and not think that Prine heard the clock ticking louder. There’s so much tenderness in “Knockin’ on Your Screen Door,” about a man whose family left him with only an 8-track tape of George Jones, and in the elegiac, reassuring parental entreaty “Summer’s End.” In the last song, “When I Get to Heaven,” Prine describes his ideal afterlife: a rock band, a cushy hotel, a girl, a cocktail (“vodka and ginger ale”) and “a cigarette that’s nine miles long.” He removes his watch, and asks, “What are you gonna do with time after you’ve bought the farm?”

#IFTTT #WordPress

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pellicano-sanguino · 4 years

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The Long Carmilla Post 2 - Return of the Long Post about the Queen of Lesbian Vampires

When Tumblr tightened its policy about censoring nudity, they targeted a long post I'd made about Carmilla, since I showed photos of Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard with their bare breasts in it. I have now censored the post, edited it and added a little. Carmilla is my favourite vampire of all time, and I have a long history with her different incarnations, so I wanted to bring the Long Carmilla Post back.

When I first posted the Long Carmilla Post, I had just seen the movie made by the Carmilla webseries folks. The sudden fame of the webseries surprised me. I can't help but think, that there must be a lot of new Carmilla fans, who instantly think of Natasha Negovanlis when they hear that name. If this series had been around when I was a teen, damn, would I have loved it! I would have been obsessed with it. But it was not, and I can't really become as obsessed with it now as the new fans do. Because when I hear the name Carmilla, several different faces appear in my imagination. I have already been obsessed with Carmilla from a rather young age, and while I love the webseries and this movie, for me it's just one of Carmilla's newer incarnations, not her default form.

I don't want to sound like a hipster (”I liked Carmilla before the webseries made her cool!”), I just thought that as a lesbian vampire lover I should make a post about my favourite vampire, and the history I have with the character.

There are some images of blood under the cut.

When I was younger, there really wasn't any lesbian litterature around (well, there probably was but I didn't know what books to search). I had a habit of switching genders in the books I read, making everyone female so I could get the girl romances I craved for, but this always felt forced and not ”real.” I read lots of vampire stories, because I've always loved that genre, but it was very much dominated by stories of male vampires. When I read Dracula, it had a short introduction speech that talked about the history of modern vampire stories, and it mentioned Sheridan Le Fanu's Carmilla.

Tracking the novella down was a bit hard, considering that back then I didn't have internet and so could only read books that I found in the library and bookstores. Fortunately the translation of Carmilla was included in one horror anthology that our library had. I managed to get my hands on it, and this cover illustration was the first ”face” of Carmilla that I knew.

I can't really put a finger on why I became so obsessed with this story. It's not that great of a novella. A very basic old-timey vampire story about a monster who threatens the life of the protagonist, who is saved when the monster's true nature is revealed, after which it is hunted down and destroyed. And the lesbian subtext is very, very subtle. There was just something very mysterious and fascinating about Carmilla. She is still among the few vampires who actually frighten me. Though Le Fanu's story isn't very scary by modern standards, Laura's nightmare scenes somehow got under my skin. There's something very creepy in the way vampires in older stories used to steal blood from their victims while they were sleeping. The idea, that there exists a predator who instead of straight up attacking its prey, approaces it by a cover of flawless mimicry, is horrifying. You are being slowly eaten alive and you're not even aware of it happening, or that it's your charming friend doing it to you.

I started having dreams about Carmilla. The first ones were nightmares, but even if they were scary, they didn't make me anxious, just excited. I was scared of Carmilla, but I wanted to see her, I wanted to hear her voice. It was as if I had fallen under her spell, much like Laura, but unlike Laura, I was aware of her true nature. I knew what she wanted, I knew that in my dreams, her kisses would lead to bites. But to a young lesbian who loved vampire stories, those kisses were worth losing a few drops of blood in the dream kingdom. She was one of ”my people.” She was not a genderswapped male hero, she was ”real.” She genuinely loved women and blood, and I loved her.

Halloween isn't really celebrated where I live, but one October a friend of mine decided that she'd hold a Halloween party (which became a yearly tradition for us for many years to come). She invited a group of her friends to watch horror movies at her house, and everyone should wear a costume. There was no competition what I would go as. I had a light blue dress that I decorated with blood stains, and over it I wore a dark gray cape, on which I had painted purple flower patterns to make it resemble the coat Carmilla wears on the cover illustration. It must be almost twenty years old, but I still have that cape.

Little Pellicano as Carmilla. I think I must have been 13 or 14 when this party was held.

Then I saw my first Carmilla movie. A Hammer film called Vampire Lovers.

This is a very silly movie. Very cheesy. But young Pellicano loved it. I can still quote many of the scenes from memory. The movie follows LeFanu's novella rather loosely, but I think it's one of the most faithful adaptations. It included the basic ”plot” that Carmilla uses to get close to her victims, has the nightmares (including Carmilla's monstrous cat form), keeps the plot point that she must form her new names anagrammically and makes her killer be a man who lost his daughter to the vampire. So far I think it's the only movie version that includes the scene where Carmilla sees the funeral procession of a girl she killed and loses it completely. I've always found that scene interesting, many claim that her fit of anxiety is caused by hearing the chanting (being unholy creature who's weak to christian things) but I think it's more than that. Either she has horrifying flashbacks to her own funerals (waking to vampirism and having to claw her way out of her own grave, that would scar me for sure) or she is genuinely sorry for killing the girl and terrified of having to face the truth that her love will always end in death.

youtube

I want to interpret Carmilla as a vampire who really loves her victims, not as playthings but as real lovers. But she wasn't a reluctant vampire either, she embraced the monstrous side of herself. It was natural to her, and so it was inevitable that the women she loved would eventually die. Maybe she preferred to ignore this knowledge in the daytime, and when she was forced to see what her night time activities had resulted in, the fit of anxiety happened.

A bit off topic, but one scene from the novella that I've never seen make it into a movie, is when a wandering salesman offers his dentistry services to Carmilla, offering to file down her fangs, which sends Carmilla into a fit of rage. I don't know, I always thought that scene pretty funny. Poor guy, offering to de-fang a vampire and getting a HOW DARE YOU rant in response.

So, the next ”face” of Carmilla was obviously Ingrid Pitt. While this movie wasn't particularly explicit (all the sex happens off screen), the lesbian subtext was much less subtle, which pleased young Pellicano. And then there was the infamous bathing scene (would show pics, but gotta censor for Tumblr. You can easily find them by image googling.).

When I was younger, I suffered from being underweight for a long time (had always been a small girl). Seeing Ingrid Pitt's figure motivated me to try to gain weight. She was so beautifully soft and curved, not just her chest, but her shoulders and legs and everything just looked so smooth and nice, while I had thin, pointy, stick-like limbs with sharp edges and none of that lovely roundness. I know teens should not look at celebrities and actresses as body models, but I think having Ingrid Pitt's shape as body goal was healthy for me. I never reached that goal, of course, but I did eventually reach normal weight limits (50kg, the weight needed for blood donors).

That friend of mine, who hosted Halloween parties, watched the movie with me and knew that I was obsessed with Carmilla. One day she got me a fake gold necklace with a red plastic gem on it, shaped like a blood drop. I don't know where she got this trinket from, but it was similar to the pendant Carmilla wears in the movie, and even if it was just cheap junk, I treasured it. And totally wore it during the next Halloween party, going as Carmilla like I always did. I've lost the gold chain, but I still have the gem.

Also still have the VHS. I don't know why I've kept it, I have no VHS player anymore.

Before I move on from Ingrid Pitt, I’d like to mention a pet peeve of mine. Ingrid Pitt has done two vampire roles (three if Elisabeth Bathory from Countess Dracula is counted). The more famous role is obviously Carmilla, it’s probably her most famous role ever, period. Her other vampire role is Carla Lynde from House that Dripped Blood. Now, the thing that annoys me is that article writers tend to always mix these two up. Whenever they write something about Carmilla or female vampires in general, they always mention Ingrid Pitt’s role as Carmilla in Vampire Lovers, but they always use the same damn stupid promo photo that is from House that Dripped Blood. That’s lazy research! Do they just image google “Ingrid Pitt vampire” and fail to check if the photo they use is actually from the movie they’re talking about?! The roles don’t even look identical, Carmilla’s a brunette while Carla Lynde is blonde, Vampire Lovers is set in 1800s, House that Dripped Blood is set in 20th century. The worst one was when the museum in my home city had a vampire themed exhibition and even they used the wrong photo for Vampire Lovers. If a museum can’t get their facts straight, that’s just sad.

Here is an example of my pet peeve in action, an article about vampire movies, using the wrong fucking photo for Vampire Lovers. And yes, I know why they like using this particular photo (”höhöhöö boobs, I’m so mature”). But that just makes me more angry when they do it.

Hammer made a sequel to Vampire Lovers called Lust for a Vampire. It was... disappointing. It introduced a male love interest for Carmilla, which in my opinion was complete bullshit. If you want to make a story about a female vampire who falls in love with a human boy, by all means make it, but don't call it Carmilla, call it something else. That being said, there were a good amount of lesbian action going on as well (this time Carmilla plotted her way into an all girls' school...) and if there's one thing Hammer rarely fails at delivering, it's the bucketloads of unconvincing bright red fake blood. I skipped the icky het sex, but always enjoyed this scene:

Yeah, Yutte Stensgaard was the third ”face” of Carmilla. When I think of that name, this blood-covered, sleepy-looking vampire maiden is among the images that instantly pop into my mind.

The third Carmilla movie I saw was titled just Carmilla and starred Meg Tilly.

This was clearly a cheaper (maybe made for TV) adaptation. Meg Tilly didn't leave as big an impression as Ingrid Pitt and Yutte Stensgaard did. But I do remember one line from the movie clearly. When Marie (the southerner ”Laura” of this version) asks about Carmilla's past, Carmilla brushes it aside by saying ”That was another lifetime. I'm much happier now.” I adopted this phrase into use. Whenever people are unknowingly asking about a painful thing from my past that I don't want to talk about, I will say it to let them know that nothing good comes from digging old wounds that have already scarred. That was another lifetime. I'm much happier now.

I do remember that Meg Tilly's Carmilla was the movie with the ”awkward floaty blood drinking pose.”

I'm sorry, but that just doesn't look comfortable. Or functional.

Then the big day came – my family got a computer that could access internet. It was an awful piece of junk that could barely be used for writing emails and visiting messageboards. It wouldn't play videos, loading images took forever and big pictures often made it freeze. However, I had access to the internet now. The first word I ever googled was obviously ”carmilla.” Among the sites I found back then, was one about a German play, starring a woman called Ulrike Schneidewind.

The site had big, beautiful promo photos of the play. They took forever to load, but I returned to watch them often. There was something captivating in Ulrike Schneidewind's look for Carmilla. I'm not usually a fan of vampires with the white face+red lipstick+loads of mascara-look, but hers was beautiful, like a painting, like a creature that really wasn't human.

I don’t know if they used fake blood in the actual play or if it was only for these promo photos, but it looks incredibly pretty and surprisingly convincing.

I have no idea what this demon looking thing is supposed to be - Carmilla’s monstrous cat form maybe?

Ulrike Schneidewind became the next ”face” of Carmilla, even though I have never seen her act. All I've seen are these promo photos of the play (I have heard her speak. There's a couple minutes long news clip on Youtube about a vampire lifestyler event she attended). Supposedly there exists a VHS of the Carmilla play they performed on a Romanian tour, but they must have only made a handful of those, since I've never seen it on sale anywhere. I check the German eBay every now and then in faint hopes of finding a copy but I've come to accept that I'll probably never see this show. But still, Ulrike Schneidewind's look left an impression on my mind.

Around those times I started to draw comics in which my self-insert character shared a house with six vampire roommates (Carmilla, who owned the house, Brunhilda from Wake Not the Dead, Teresa from Last Lords of Gardonal, Ruthven, Dracula and Francis Varney) and an OC named Charity (Brunhilda's donor and girlfriend). I mostly pulled the designs for my vampires out of thin air, really (well, Dracula was as he was descrided in the novel, with fuzzy moustache and bushy eyebrows) but Carmilla's design was based on Ulrike Schneidewind's look, with blue veins shining through the white skin and lots of dark makeup and black hair.

Sad part is that it's been over ten years and my drawing skills have not improved at all. This is not ”art” this is doodles. But drawing these was super fun back then, so I shouldn't feel ashamed of them now, I think.

Besides these comics, I wrote some fanfics too. But I'm very glad I never put those anywhere public, because damn, they are embarrassing to read now. It's because my fanfics were actually serious business, full of drama and sturm und drang, and they turned out rather cheesy. Also full of, ahem, erotic content written by someone who had no personal experience on the subject yet. The comics on the other hand were just made for shits and giggles, and I think they've survived the test of time better (by which I mean, that I have actually shown my comics to other people, because occasionally I think I made a fun one, while I've never shown my fics to anyone and have already burned the worst ones.).

When the wonderland of internet was opened to me, I gained access to all the books in the world. I was no longer restricted by what our library and book stores had, I could buy stuff that wasn't published here. So obviously I got a copy of Kyle Marffin's Carmilla sequel. It's not a very good book. Quite silly, childish and badly written (men really shouldn't write about lesbians, they know nothing about them and enjoying an erotic scene becomes rather hard when you imagine some gross het dude writing it while drooling on his keyboard). But it was the first time I read a rather explicit lesbian sex scene, and that got me very excited, because finally all the subtext was thrown to garbage. Here it was, black on white, proof that Carmilla was into girls, not just their blood but their bodies as well. My late discovery of lesbian erotica may seem weird now, when anyone can gain access to mountains of lesbian smut in the internet, but back when I lived with my parents I never dared to look up smut on the home computer, in fear that they'd find out. Until I moved out, my only access to lesbian erotica was books, and Carmilla's Return was the first one I got.

Rant time: I might also add, that annoyingly enough I had been encountering explicit het sex scenes in books, movies and TV years before. And while I never intentionally searched naughty stuff on the net, I had bumped into het porn there accidentally as well. I wonder if heteros understand how freaking frustrating this kind of thing was. Their smut was all over the place, in every book, every film and all around the net, pretty much rubbed to my face, while MY stuff was so obscure I didn't even know where to look for it. And then they had the nerve to claim that we are ”flaunting it” and ”making it all about ourselves” whenever there was a gay sidecharacter somewhere. Grr. Grrr. Rant over.

I bumped into some incarnations of Carmilla later too, but none left an impression on my mind like these early ones did. The worst Carmilla I ever saw was the main villain in Lesbian Vampire Killers. That movie is easily the worst vampire movie I have ever seen (maybe even the worst movie I've seen, period), it's an ”erotic horror comedy” that is neither sexy, scary or funny. It is nice that when they were thinking of a character to star in a movie about lesbian vampires, they chose Carmilla. But the movie is such utter garbage, I'd rather they'd left my favourite vampire out of it. Save your money and sanity - don't watch this movie. It's bad.

I feel like a lot of time people want to take Carmilla's name and make a whole new character with it (like Reimi Urara's character in Vampire Succession, who is named Carmilla but isn't even a vampire at all). These ”Carmilla in name only” kind of characters don't count, and frankly speaking I'm not that fond of them. I guess it is nice that people want to pay respect to the legendary vampire by naming a character after her, but my opinion still is that if you don't want to tell the story of a lesbian vampire, call your character something else. If you take away either of Carmilla's two passions; that of women or that of blood, the character loses her trademark characteristics and stops being ”real.” You don't make a Godzilla movie where the king of the monsters isn't allowed to have his trademark atomic breath, and you don't make a Carmilla who doesn't love women and blood.

Now that I have said that, you probably guess my opinion about the (*spoilers*) ending of the webseries's third season. Yeah, I wasn't a fan of humanizing Carmilla. So, I went to see the movie with rather low expectations, and was pleasantly surprised. This movie is more Carmilla than all of the webseries's seasons together.

But let's speak about the webseries first. I was very positively surprised by it. One day I ended up googling Carmilla again (was probably looking for fanfics) and discovered this little gem. It had very little to do with Le Fanu's original, but what it decided to change was so good that I didn't care. And it had still lots of little nods to the novella. Carmilla's anagrammical names, the nightmares, they freaking included Laura's governesses De Lafontaine and Perrodon (I would totally watch a spin-off that just follows the adventures of Laf and Perry) and there's even a scene where Carmilla is watching over sleeping Laura, looking a bit similar to a famous illustration of the novella. Also, the theme song ”Love will have it's sacrifices”, is a direct quote, from a scene where Carmilla is describing to Laura the night when the curse of vampirism was passed on to her (of course, she doesn't out right say it, but the reader knows what she's talking about).

”--- I was all but assassinated in my bed, wounded here," she touched her breast, "and never was the same since."

"Were you near dying?"

"Yes, very--a cruel love--strange love, that would have taken my life. Love will have its sacrifices. No sacrifice without blood.---”

I'm not going to say the webseries doesn't have its flaws, a little lazy writing here and there, plot holes and inconsistent characters occasionally (I feel sorry for Danny. She just can't win.). But it was incredibly entertaining, it made me laugh and it made me care about what happens to everyone. And like probably a lot of the fans, I adored the fact that they didn't dance around the lesbian thing. When Laura understands that Carmilla's advances weren't blood-related, her reaction isn't any dumb ”But we're both girls, how can this be?!” Whoever understood to make Laura gay too was a genius. When she gets all flattered and blushing after learning that a beautiful girl finds her attractive, it's such a relatable feeling. It's the lesbian romance I so wanted as a teen! Not stories of a predatory lesbian seducing dumb clueless het girls to the dark side, but girls experiencing all the usual things female leads in romantic stories do, only with another girl as their love interest.

The first season of the webseries is my favourite. The second was pretty good, too. Third, in my opinion, a bit unnecessary (here I think you could see the writing starting to slip). Then came the movie.

They could have completely abandoned the vampire theme and proceeded with the heroes' further adventures. But they didn't and thank goodness for it. They return to draw inspiration from the original source; the novella. We have nightmares, and I admit they actually made me uneasy, reminding me of that creepy feel Laura's dream scenes gave me in the novella. The image of Carmilla laying down in a coffin filled with blood is also from the story. There's a scene where Carmilla is forced to reveal her vampiric nature, and it really reminds me of the scene where it happens in the book.

And they freaking quote it, probably being the first adaptation ever to use straight quotes from the book. ”Die together so they can live together”-speech isn't quite right word-to-word, I think, but still, it's an identifiable quote. I used to be able to quote the ”You are mine, you shall be mine”-speech in English, Swedish and German, but have now forgotten most versions (yeah, I read Carmilla in several languages when I was younger. I was freaking obsessed with the story). I still think it's the most memorable quote from the novella. Also, the book-reading scene with ”Girls are caterpillars who undergo several larval stages before becoming butterflies”-speech is also from the novella. I think the only famous quote missing in this movie is the ”I've never been in love and never shall unless it should be with you”-speech.

As a fan of the ”old” Carmilla I adore how they pay homage to the origin respectfully, while still making their very own story. Again, teenaged Pellicano would have been all over this stuff. But I had to make my lesbian vampire stories from other versions, and while those also have their flaws, I adore them just as much. I am just happy that Carmilla lives on, not forgotten and left in the shadow of the countless more famous male vampires (seriously, where the fuck are all the female vampires? Ones that are actually main characters in their story and pass the freaking vampiric Bechdel test?)

Carmilla lives on, indeed. She has made a new comeback in Netflix's Castlevania series. I watched the first season and liked it quite a bit. It was a bit too gorey for my personal taste, but that wasn’t a dealbreaker. I liked the art style and was interested to see where they take the story. When I heard rumours that the second season would have a character named Carmilla, my reaction was pretty much “Carmilla is part of the Castlevania franchise?! Why did no one tell me this before?!”

Of course I’m always eager to see new adaptations of my favourite vampire. So, I did some research to know which games she appears in, made some popcorn and sat down to watch some Let’s Play videos (I’m not a gamer and don’t own game consoles so the only way I get to experience videogames is through Let’s Plays in Youtube.). But I ended up rather disappointed. Carmilla in the Castlevania games is cartoonishly silly at best, downright insulting to the original at worst.

So, after seeing how poorly the games treated my favourite vampire, I looked forward to the second season of the Netflix series with mixed feelings. I was hopeful, thinking that they can't go anywhere but up from here. And I was pleasantly surprised. The character design made her a bit silly looking with eeeevil face and her body language is very femme fatale-ish (I don’t really see the appeal of the femme fatale trope, but then again, it’s usually written for male audience), but they didn't put her in an ugly, revealing costume and the camera focused on her face instead of her breasts.

It's disappointing that she isn't a lesbian in this one (she makes one joke that hints she might be into girls too, but because Dracula's war council is mostly one big sausage fest, we don't see her interact with other females much).

I am so, so happy that the makers of the show understood that Carmilla is not some boot-licking notice-me-senpai Dracula fangirl (an aspect of her I loathed in the games). The only reasons for a lesbian vampire to ally with a male one are if they have a common goal (such as defending themselves against vampire hunters) or if she has no other choice. Netflix Carmilla is the latter. Dracula is a powerful, dangerous monster, who is also very much insane and therefore unpredictable. When he summons Carmilla to join his senseless crusade against humankind, Carmilla can't afford to refuse and take the chance of the mad vampire king killing her for disobedience and making a warning example of her. She has to go to war she herself deems pointless (well, Godbrand had a point in his ”If vampires kill all the humans, what will the vampires eat?”-speech.). So she begins to plot to prevent the genocide (she actually wants humankind to keep existing as opposed to wiping them from the face of the Earth, remind me again why she is the one every fan hates while they love Dracula the Kill All Humans-madman? Oh right, she assaults one of the male fan favourite characters on screen and is therefore deemed much more evil than Dracula who slaughters countless innocent humans offscreen without mercy. Got it.).

I love that she uses cunning instead of seduction when putting her plot to gain freedom from Dracula's servitude in action. Admittedly, some of the scenes where she's manipulating Hector seem a bit seductive-ish, but are still nothing compared to the ”Oh great master let me lick the blood off your sword!”-bullshit from the games. Also, was I the only one who could see right through her mindgames? Every time she complimented some man, I was shaking my head ”Lady, even blind Reetta can see that you are full of shit.” So it really surprised me when Hector fell for it. How do you fall for such an obvious trap?

I like that Carmilla's reasons for her schemes are reasonable and based on common sense and war strategy rather than just being evil for the sake of being evil. That being said, the scene where she beats Hector felt unnecessary, the man was tied up and would have gone with her even without getting his ass handed to him, because he's a prisoner and has no choice. I understand that it's an important scene symbolically, tying back to the scene where the animal-loving Hector compares vampires to cats, to which Isaac points out that cats play cruelly with their prey. It's a turning point for Hector, who abandoned humanity and tried to find a new family among monsters only to realize that they are, well, monsters. What did you expect voting for Leopards Eating Peoples' Faces Party would bring to you? Anyway, I understand that the scene is important to the plot and character growth, but I can't help but feel that making Carmilla assault a fan favourite character so brutally was the writers way of making sure the audience hates her. I have a feeling that they want to be sure the audience hates her, because they have something disgusting in mind for her for the third season.

I already talked about this in my ”If you have to kill female vampires on screen, please don't make it look like a rape”-post. I am worried what they are going to do with Carmilla. She's obviously going to get killed, but I hope they allow her to go down with dignity. Lords of Shadows 2 already gave us a really disgusting, rapey killing scene (I’ve only seen one killing scene with an even clearer “lesbianism can be cured by rape”-theme, in Lesbian Vampire Killers where Carmilla is impaled by a dick-shaped sword), we do not need another. I don't want Hector or Isaac or Dracula impaling her body slowly and looking downward at her in disgust as she painfully dies. Yes, Dracula will be coming back, it's Castlevania after all. I'm also worried of the possibility that instead of killing her, they make Dracula force her back into his servitude, which would also be super gross.

I am happy that the character of Carmilla lives on, that new fans get to experience her with these new incarnations, but whenever a new Carmilla surfaces, I am also a bit worried at how they are going to handle her character this time. I will have to wait and see how the third season of Castlevania ends, until then it is useless to speculate.

#carmilla #vampire #vampire lovers #lust for a vampire #ingrid pitt #yutte stensgaard #ulrike schneidewind #natasha negovanlis #meg tilly

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theyearoftheking · 4 years

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Book Nine: Danse Macabre

“Death,” the boy Mark Petrie thinks at one point in ‘Salem’s Lot is when the monsters get you.” And if I had to restrict everything I have ever said or written about the horror genre to one statement...it would be that one”.

I’m going to save everyone a lot of time here. Unless you’re a true fan of the horror genre (movies, television, and books)- don’t bother reading Danse Macabre. You’re going to be lost, and it’s going to feel like reading a textbook in a foreign language.

I am an intense fan of horror books, and more of a casual fan of horror movies and television shows. So, a lot of this went over my head. But there were some interesting thoughts and lists I’ll summarize for everyone.

1. In the 2010 updated introduction, Steve talks about how Blair Witch Project was fucking terrifying, and was innovative with it’s low budget, hand-held camera work. He was watching the movie after his car accident, and was so scared he made his son turn the movie off. He’s not wrong. I was terrified (and slightly nauseous from the shaky camera work) the first time I saw Blair Witch Project. But the image of our horror lord and savior scared of the Blair Witch makes me giggle a little bit.

2. The shade Steve continues to throw at Stanley Kubrick is epic and hilarious. While at a later point in the novel he praises his work, he says this of The Shining movie, “For us, horror movies are a safety valve. They are a kind of dreaming awake, and when a movie about ordinary people living ordinary lives skews off into some blood-soaked nightmare, we’re able to let off the pressure that might otherwise build up until it blows us sky-high like the boiler that explodes and tears apart the Overlook Hotel in The Shining (the book, I mean; in the movie everything freezes solid- how dorky is that?)”.

3. Science fiction and horror. Are they mutually exclusive? Is all science fiction also horror? How much of horror is based on science fiction? If you think about it, alien abductions, aliens invading earth, basically anything involving aliens is horrifying. Exhibit A: War of the Worlds. It’s an interesting theme to try and untangle.

4. If horror was a deck of tarot cards, you have three main cards: the Vampire, the Werewolf, and The Thing Without a Name. And these three cards can be traced back to three key books: Dr. Jeckyll & Mr. Hyde, Dracula, and Frankenstein. That’s it... these three (while not all particularly well written) are the OGs of horror novels; they were the first of their kind, and their thematic legacies live on today in most horror writing.

5. As a sometimes writer of books, I underlined this passage so hard, I left a dent on the pages, “I think that writers are made, not born or created out of dreams or childhood trauma- that becoming a writer (or a painter, actor, director, dancer, and so on) is a direct result of conscious will. Of course there has to be some talent involved, but talent is a dreadfully cheap commodity, cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individuals from the successful one is a lot of hard work and study; a constant process of honing.” For more gems like this, pick up Steve’s book On Writing, which is part biography, and part writing manual.

6. Horror movies can be lumped into a few main categories:

Horror Movie as Economic Nightmare (Amityville Horror)

Horror Film as Political Polemic (The Changeling)

Social Horror Films (The Stepford Wives)

7. According to Steve, the scariest movies ever are:

8. Steve does a deep dive into what he considers the best horror books. Notably, he gushes over Shirley Jackson (duh. ‘Salem’s Lot was basically one big homage to The Haunting of Hill House); and Ray Bradbury. I had a light bulb moment when Steve was rhapsodizing over Something Wicked this Way Comes (which by the way is one of my favorite books and movies from childhood. Terrifying, moral, and so damn well written). He talks about how the book opens with a salesman going town to town, selling lightning rods. Yes... this is exactly one of the opening chapters of The Dead Zone. I had picked up on other Bradbury imagery, but missed the lightning rod thing all together. That was worth the price of admission, right there.

We were graced with three Wisconsin references, one of which I think might shed some light on why Steve is always talking about Wisconsin in his books... Arkham House is a small publishing company in Sauk City, Wisconsin specializing in Gothic and horror novels. They were the first to publish books by H.P. Lovecraft, and Ray Bradbury. How cool is that? Right here in little old Wisconsin! I guess we do have some taste after all.

The second reference was to the 2004 re-make of Dawn of the Dead: “Ana... is relaxing in bed with her husband, Luis, when they are visited by the cute little skate-girl who lives next door in their suburban Milwaukee development.”

Then, there was a reference to horror writer, Robert Bloch, also from Milwaukee... “they probably would have lynched poor Bob Bloch on the spot, had they caught up with him back there in Milwaukee...”

We’ve also got a feline Dark Tower reference: “Cats, those amoral gunslingers of the animal world, are maybe the scariest mammals going...”

Danse Macabre was a dense, thick, informative read, but peppered with some humor, and fun facts (I’ve been doing a deep dive on Arkham House). I will say, even with a 2010 updated introduction, the book is dated. So many new horror movies and books have been released since publication. However, the books King does reference are still timeless and pillars of the horror genre. But if you’re strictly a movie fan, maybe pass on this one.

Total Wisconsin Mentions: 12

Total Dark Tower References: 7

Book Grade: B-

Rebecca’s Definitive Ranking of Stephen King Books

The Shining

The Stand

The Dead Zone

‘Salem’s Lot

Carrie

Danse Macabre

Firestarter

Cujo

Nightshift

Next up is the iconic Creepshow.

Until next time readers, Long Days and Pleasant Nights, Rebecca

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