#some of them are not available anymore

[kyoupann]

Turns out it really is me and the queer RPF fanfiction I read at 13-16 years old against the world.

#personal #Let's just say I finished reading this LU fic which I loved but never had the fucking balls to finish it #kind of like... if I don't read it it won't end you know? #(The Nile is a river and I live in it) #anyways that led me to read old fanfiction I WROTE and tbh it wasn't great but I had so much #it reaally reads as a 16yo writing about love #and THEN that led me to looking at my fic recs page on my blog and oh wow (: #All of the fics that marked me are there #some of them are not available anymore #but just the title of them get this visceral reaction from me (: damn i sure love feeling overwhelmed with nostalgia #anyways who would've thought that fanfiction about two British twinks would have such impact on me #but also who would've thought the meloryo fanfiction I created with my bestie on the bathroom floor of our middle school would also somehow #mark in ways I can describe yet I don't even remember half of the fic; Rinn if you're reading this (I know you aren't) #I just gotta let you know that I did learn and danced to Paradichlorobenzene and so you owe the full Sarishinohara fic LMAO #tkm mija <3

[ecoqueer]

I wish that people gave a shit about nonbinary people who don’t use they/them pronouns. You can literally give your friend group (which includes another nonbinary person) a list of your favorite pronouns, none of which include they/them, and mention several times that you don’t like they/them pronouns for yourself, but they’ll make the switch from she/her pronouns to…they/them. And feel super proud of themselves for being sooo progressive as to use they/them pronouns for you….when those aren’t your pronouns.

I think that saying “he she and they are my least favorite but are fine in combination with other things…I’m really fine with any neos but here’s a list of my faves that you can choose from!” Is polite and not a difficult request. I’m not good at being a pushy person, and I shouldn’t need to be.

#it screams #i guess I’ll pull the lists out again and re-link them #but the aforementioned friends view messages from me as a chore and check them rarely so when they do they’ve built up and so just skim #everything #which I’m fucking tired of #I’ve been going back and forth on whether it’s better to have no friends or a few friends who make you feel shitty #dunno which is worse #they also are extremely cavalier with covid while knowing I have no health insurance #and have supported some statements/actions that really make me sad #so idk I might be basically friendless at this point #i hold on for too long to people who have clearly moved on and don’t much care about being my friend anymore #I’ve tried reaching out a few times to no avail so idk I might just give up #try to cultivate online relationships more #which feels pretty impossible to me #sigh #I’ve been not able to sleep well #because of issues in my life with…all of the few people in it #issues that could be solved if I had kept a wider support network #instead of getting trapped with someone who was abusing me and my friends who don’t seem to give a shit about that and expressed more #concern for him than for me when the news was revealed to them #again I don’t have health insurance so no therapist #which I fucking desperately need right now #i have no one separate to talk to #the one who knows all of the different factors from all of the angles…is the abuser #i feel like I’m in so much fucking pain and I feel so alone and all of the people in my life who are supposed to be my loved ones #are standing around me ignoring me completely and acting like everything is okay #just causing me more and more pain #well this didn’t start out intended as a vent but it sure turned into one huh #i wish I could convey to y’all the desperation and loneliness and aching that I feel #vent

[daggerbeanart]

felt like doing a wip wednesday after all :]

💜 tags: @ndostairlyrium @greypetrel @transprincecaspian @plisuu @dungeons-and-dragon-age @shivunin

(no pressure of course as always <3)

#dragon age #da2 #dragon age 2 #hawke #fenris #fenhawke #oc: gareth hawke #m!hawke #da fanart #it’s been very long and i did it on my old iPad which had some limitations in terms of available layers #dragon age fanart #wip wednesday #i realized that #i can’t really make sense of the sketch from the first one​ anymore #especially because i like to make my canvases big #i don’t want to redraw the whole thing but i might have to #the other two are here for moral support (meaning i can’t remember if i worked on them since i last posted them but i thought they fit in) #(and yes they are based on lotr screencaps :3)

[lavampira]

you know the day is going to be a doozy when you wake up with anxiety already eating you alive 🫠

#sorry not to once again vent about The Horrors #i’ve just been having an absolute weird one today lolol #and idek why this is where my brain has chosen to latch this time #somewhere between feeling too clingy for wanting to casually tell friends i love them or miss them or want to spend time with them #and being sensitive about slight changes with ones who withdraw from doing the same as often too #or changes in some routines i guess #like what if i’m just unaware that i’m the annoying person clinging to a friendship that’s fading #i don’t want to be too needy for reassurance or too pushy with being so sappy :o) #which is irrational of my brain but i can’t help feeling the way i do either #because i did lose touch with a former close friend recently and just. not realize that closeness wasn’t there anymore. lmao #but also ‘hi do you still love me. do you miss me if i’m not available. you haven’t said so in a while’ feels insane to ask shdghsd #ANYWAY that’s enough vulnerability for today. bye. #the life and times

[icewindandboringhorror]

Recent-ish life pictures and etc.

#image commentary in tags once again since they don't allow captions anymore and I feel weird using the alt text for that -- #1. bright very poofy cloud sky #2. saw these weird bugs on a sidewalk that were clustered in a pile and some of them were sitting butt to butt or something.. I wonder if #that's how they mate?? or maybe just some sortof strange bug fight or something.. interesting little creature party happening #out on the pavement on that day #3. Its kind of hard to see but on the inside of this watermelon there is a slightly lighter formation that sort of looks like a heart shape #4. special breakfast of scrambled eggs. soy sausages. and jarred artichoke heart. with some black coffee and whipped cream + a strawberry #5. ARBY.. fish ...traditional summer treat available only until like september maybe for like a month. but I love them because theyre cheap #lol.. the next closest/cheapest fried fish sort of option that is easily acessible to me is a more upscale fast food place where you can ge #three tiny little chunks of fish maybe the palm of your hand sized for about $17 lol... so 4 arby fried fish chunks for like $5 is good #6. & 7 - very cool sunset colored sort of pink/yellow/orange flower I found growing wild in someone's yard #8. got as a gift from someone who got it for christmas but didn't really want it and asked if I did since everyone knows Im like The Person #Who's Obsessed With Cats out of any group of people.. but I still havent done it lol.. it just sits there gathering dust until I have #the time on top of my 600 other projects. I think it's cool that it's gray so it does look like noodle (my cat) #9. Noodle (the aforementioned gray cat) with fancy lighting behind him #photo diary

[killherfreakout]

i think there should be a way to get screeners like academy members get i would pay any price

#they get a box FULL of all the films that are ‘for your consideration’ #and then they watch them all and decide which to nominate #they should open it to the public so i can actually have access to all the nominees bc some aren’t available to rent / in theaters anymore:( #it’s this or i have to get invited to be an academy member. which is more likely to happen??

[solvicrafts]

The Gromph plushies are done!🪄

Unfortunately I only had 3 amber eyed drow plushies left, so one of them has Red eyes. His hair is also curlier than the others since it was the last of the skein, so I'm gonna say that one is from WotSQ. Which... if you know, you know.

And as a bonus, her's MY Gomp "saving" Kimmuriel from my giant spider web light (and also demonstrating the strength of the magnets in their hands!)

"Let go of me, mal'ai!" - A Very Annoyed Kimmuriel

#felted dragon shop #legend of drizzt #gromph baenre #kimmuriel oblodra #fyi mal'ai is the drow word for idiot according to one of the translators #by the way 3 of these will be for sale sometime either tomorrow or Friday depending on when I can get them out to get some good shop pics #the red eyed one from the first pic and the two amber eyed ones in the second will all be available #also in case anyone is wondering that bindrune in the bottom left was from my Lokean days I don't use it religiously anymore #but it makes a good setting for my little paper cutout lanterns #I THINK that one is supposed to be a reference to wolves? or maybe it was good luck or something... it's been a few years lol

[pepprs]

genuinely so angry and scared im shaking. how many other times this week this month this year have i been exposed without knowing it. do people even tell each other anymore. it’s just so grim. it’s so fucking grim

#purrs #delete later #covid19 #i am fighting for my fucking life every day to stay safe and to keep the people around me some of whom are disabled / chronically ill / #immunocompromised / medically vulnerable safe. i am fucking fighting for my life. it’s already hard that i am usually one of two people in #any given room still wearing a mask let alone an n95 mask. hard and bad enough that we get looks for wearing masks and people think im crazy #for my life still being on hold and for my family still basically never going anywhere. ITS FUCKING WORSE that we are still very much in the #throes of all of it and we are in constant physical and quite frankly EXISTENTIAL danger not only of getting sick / becoming (more) #disabled / literally fucking dying but also returning to the absolute hell of lockdown which while important was psychologically damaging in #ways that are difficult to even articulate. like not only have we as a society decided to not give a shit about unpacking all of that and #healing from the trauma and assuming everyone went through the same thing when we very much did not and to just send everybody back to #school and work because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 but we have ALSO decided to pretend like the freakish unceasing danger just doesn’t exist #anymore and to get rid of every tool we had available to keep us safe or at minimum make people have to pay exorbitant amounts of money to #access them because 🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑capitalism🤑🤑🤑🤑🤑 !!!!!!! im TIRED. im so fucking tired of it. i am so fucking exhausted and angry and scared. and i #HAVE the luxury and privilege of being able to afford n95 masks and covid tests and to be able to work a job that i can do remotely if i #need to and to not be disabled or immunocompromised. what makes me fucking furious is we decided to throw all the people who don’t have #that access or privilege under the fucking bus and forget about them lol. but what do you expect from a country rotten to its core the way #it is lol. im fucking despondent. why are we living in an incinerator. #* the lockdown(s) werent just important they were necessary. and arguably we should have another one even though if we do i genuinely fear #for my mental health both during and afterwards and quite frankly before. im tired. i am grateful for the life i live which has resulted in #part from the different things that have happened because of the pandemic but i also so desperately wish this never happened and every day I #think about what life would be like if it hadn’t happened. the grief of it all is unspeakably big.

[flovverworks]

after a billion yrs i added a lil line about my gbf verse.....<3 one day i might flesh it out to something in-universe, but since gbf is so "oh ure from another world? ya that happens..." i....am gonna keep w that..........(also cuz i do think discussing the different ways of magic, moon-enemy & this n that is more fun like this

#stardust speaking ! #i do wanna write but im unsure when ill do so #anyway i need to talk abut that one 1.5 moment with that weird car horn sfx after murrs fancy speech cuz i #was thinking about it again due to one of the descriptions in the alterego event #i still didnt check the website btw is it available info why snows adult and whites a kid or is that a waiting game cuz #that..... #sometimes when i think abuot paradoxroid i think about them. that one was fkd up #snow&white r so fascinating to me #snow & white & figaro & oz are even more fascinating #oz who only started learning abut the world because arthur asked things about the world................. #oz who made arthur pancakes................................. #they make me ill. figaro feels like he should be the most welladapted cuz in some ways he IS. guy who lies about his power and age and love #humans and that one offhand line in 2nd anni about how he has cared for kids!??!? dude i need to reread 2nd anni did that ever get brought #up again #but figaro & love is................guy who leaves when he thinks he isnt loved anymore #<-guy who was taught by snow&white who valued e/o the most #2nd anni makes me lose my mind. figaro and fausts convo. both who felt like it was the other who left LIKE FIGAROS SURPRISE WAS UNREEEAAALL #somethings deeply wrong with him i am so intrigued #i need to go reread his pt2 parts like what the actual hell dude #the mental gymnastics he does in one part is ? id like to study u and the twins under a microscope #this is all shallowly/casually speaking about it btw theres a lot of things left&right about all of these topics that makes them very yummy #i think what gets me the most about pt2 is that a lot of it is things that we alrdy knew regarding characters feelings etc. such as figaro #but seeing them say it themself makes me faint #OH MY GOOODDDDDD THE FLASHBACK CONVO WITH OZ AND FIGARO? ABOUT WOULD U SAVE THE PERSON U LOVE OR THE WORLD #AND HOW FIGARO ENDS UP FALTERING DEAR LOOOOORRRDDDDDDDDDDDDD #fucked up family (affectionate) #i need to think of modern aus again i thought about arthur calling snow & white granpa for one second and everything hrut #ok im sorry i dont know what possessed me. i promise ill be rereading stuff soon #one more thing. fausts part in pt2. god. but in this cursed world the sage trusted me...

[monty-glasses-roxy]

I will NOT rest until I know if Roxy got any of her stuffies out of the plex before going with Cassie in Meteors. You always bring up how Rox has favorite plushies and chew toys and stuff and I bet she's super sad and anxious until she finds her favorite :( She sleeps with it every night from there on out

I'm sorry I have prevented you from resting this long I have been becoming more of a menace to my mother who's thankfully used to my shit by now and I've only just noticed this.

She does not get a chance to grab them before she leaves initially. Cassie makes up for this by giving her one of hers that she will treasure forever and is helping a lot with her homesickness in that period of time she can't go back. When she can go back, the second thing she does after finding some of the Minis is go back and get them. Cassie gave her a little blue mouse and she brings that with her when she goes back to the plex for the first time too. For moral support while she finds everything again!

That little place where she hid things she liked to chew, gifts from kids she wasn't allowed to keep, the plushies of the other animatronics (including a very well loved Bonnie of course) and anything else she's managed to keep a hold of, is where she feels safest and the most at home when she can't be with the others. It's definitely one of the places she visits first. It was small and cramped before but now it's like it was made for her. Still not the most comfortable place, but yet somehow with her little collection of important things, and a few of the Minis, it's now the comfiest, cosiest place in the whole world.

I'm not sure if she'll take them back to Cassie's. At least not straight away. They're safe in that little spot, after all! Cassie's dad is a Faz-Technician too, who knows how he'll react to her bringing them back? The techs have never been very understanding before, and how nice he's been to her is already confusing enough, she's not risking that. But she may bring just a few things with her. In her backpack she can squirrel away into an unseen corner of her room at Cassie's. Just in case.

#meteors au #she has one of everyone but dj the minis and eclipse because they don't seem to have one #or if they did they're not available anymore and she has an old one #and then a few she's been given #there's not too many it's hard to sneak them away but she got good at it towards the end #if she takes any with her they're the ones of her friends #the bonnie one in particular is much more ragged compared to the others #she likes to chew the ears of it very gently so she doesn't ruin it #but she's done it for so long it's still obvious #she didn't chew as much before the events of meteors though #it was always comforting to her but it always sorta frustrated her cause it never quite worked #it works now though #and the need is so much greater now that it does #there's some other stuff in that little hidey hole too like broken kids toys and drawings she's been given #she always kept the broken kids toys she was given (and so did the others if they could) and this is the reason that she had the best- #dexterity of the glams #she would be sat there for hours trying to figure out how to fix them so if she ever saw the kid again she could give it back #some of the others that knew she did this often tried to help and do it with her #sunny in particular always does it too and was delighted when he found out she and others did it #but it was always so difficult for them! #because they were always so clunky! so clumsy! they had enough strength control not to hurt but not enough to safely hold an egg! #their hands were designed in a way that made it hard to form a proper fist for goodness sake #only sunny and moon had a lot of success because they were built with finer motor skills #so there's many a toy hidden around the plex #that's held together with tape and craft glue and stickers #sometimes even string if they could find it #and many of them are in Roxy's little hiding spot #there's a lot more to be said about that but the tags are dragging and this whole thing is a post in its own #it's not even specific to meteors but meteors is where its strongest #if anyone's interested in this lemme know and I'll gladly go more into it

[weenie-kun]

so shining live is shutting down after all. the biggest reason this sucks is because next to the anime it was the only other thing international fans could easily access content wise (+ in eng) so thats a bummer. on the other hand the writing or art wasnt much to write home about and it got kind of samey so its ran its course i suppose. rip

thus continues my wait for the utapri games to be localised before i die (which is likely never but i can dream)

#i gotta scour all the syo UR stories before theyre nuked #txt #i sometimes mourn my attachment to utapri #because i know if every drama cd or merch or stage plays etc were subbed or easy to find i wouldve eaten all of it by now #it truly brought new life into me and fixed a bad art block i was in a few years back when i got into it #i mean the same year i also fucked up my hand due to a bad desk setup and realized too late so i couldnt draw much anymore anyway #but still #i had watched the like short of them going on a trip because it was available subbed and i was reminded of how much joy it brought me #i dont have the energy to deep dig into forums or sites and compile cds or chronologically ordered stuff that came out so ill just sit here #i cant probably fly to another country to watch the new utapri movie this time so ill have to squidward behind the blinds it lol #id like it if they put out more scenes of the guys living their lives and interacting like in the short because that was great #anyway uh. yeah. i miss utapri i guess #also miss having an arm that doesnt hurt #im aware theres a fan translation being put work into these days as well so theres some hope?? so kudos to those guys

[zevrans]

.

#ok damn i just had that dream visitor scene and i was like 😳😳😳 i totally forgot about that we made guardian at the begining of the game🤯 #and i immediately went to google if we can romance them 💀🤦‍♀️ apparently the truth about their essence revealed at the end of the game (?) #and here i 'm still in the middlle of act 1 😂 #just how long is this game man i'm curious to progress story quicker but also i love exploring too much 😹 #but also i'm getting tired out trying to finish every quest available 😩 and i also accidentally found out that by end of act 1 t #some of your companions leave too so im so torn to whom prioritize anymore 🥺 #i mean it was obvious they could leave but i didnt expect it so soon idk #bg3 spoilers

[valen-dreth]

crying screaming throwinf up i wamna play skyrim soooooo bad

#i have 122 mods i do NOT want to have to redownload D: and i know some of them arent available anymore rghh #cant now anyway. having company uh. eventually

[fist-amidst-the-hands]

tagged by @blackberrywars to do wip wednesday! does anyone else remember when I said I was aiming for posting a wip weekly? yeah me neither

since I haven’t been writing lately this one is from maybe a month ago, just a tiny snippet that’s (as usual) much bigger in my mind. may or may not write up the whole thing, so I put some additional context / plans in the tags!

—————————-

A simple request. No... not a request. An order. Two words. Quiet at the onset but growing steadily in Izzy's mind, blooming and spilling over to cover every corner.

The whisper of a smile at the corner of Ed's eyes meeting the desperation swimming within them. The soft pair of footsteps padding from above deck to below contrasting the heavy pounding of Izzy's heart echoing in his head, the intensity threatening to shake apart the blossoms that had so recently taken residency.

All of it sharp yet muted, loud yet far away.

#ofmd wip #blackhands #izzy hands #edward teach #wip wednesday #thanks for the tag! #okay time to provide some context. in preparation for that: i have NO idea why this phrase kicked off a whole Thing but at the time I was #very much feeling that intense !! need to write this down feeling #in my mind this is post s1e10 when babygirl is in his kraken era. peak destructive blackhands with basically izzy giving ed whatever he #needs to get through this (for them to both get through this) which has been translating to violence pain rage etc. #they're no longer conversational and haven't been for weeks. ed is a shell of himself who is somehow both hollow and filled with raw power #untamed emotional turmoil letting itself out in unhealthy ways (we love to see it) #izzy knows to make himself available when needed but only when needed. nothing between them is light anymore #the vibe is very much ed commanding and izzy obliging. but it's draining. it's so draining on both of them #one day ed just doesn't have the energy for it anymore (and it's about fucking time because izzy has learned to make himself flexible when #it comes to ed who's rigid and unyielding but even izzy can only take so much bending before he breaks) #I think he just wakes up one morning and is done with the whole thing. he's miserable and he's over it and he wants (needs) a change #so then this piece of the wip is the start of the change. ed goes up on deck one morning - early which is unusual for him these days - and #goes up to izzy. holds his gaze (yes this is the bit of a smile and also the swimming desperation part) and gives his next order: 'shave me' #it's long overdue at this point tbh. anyway the shaving scene itself would be absolutely intimate just so so emotionally charged #strangely close and gentle and *tender* even after all those months of nothing but sharp teeth and searing pain #also izzy is for sure straddling ed's hips and leaning over him to shave (ed's order) and being so focused and careful about it in that #izzy-acts-of-service-hands way. i don't know yet if they have some kind of soft spoken conversation #if tears are involved or if they just remain in silence but comfortable silence #i don't think it's a huge turnaround of everything is okay now but I do think it's the beginning of change #okay sorry lots of tags as usual but that's probably enough #who knows if the rest of it will be officially written but that's where this was headed #how's this for a writing tag #+ tags!

[sparrowsfallingfromthesky]

band shirts I would have liked to see Trent Crimm wear

except they're all for my favorite band Darlingside because this is a niche self-indulgent post.

Do I think Trent would listen to a smallish indie folk rock band from New England? I have absolutely no idea. Do I think he would look good in these shirts? Yes. And let's be real, it would make more sense for him to have shirts for a random band than shirts for random Christian schools. so. here we go.

In no particular order, under a cut because I don't know how big the pictures are going to turn out:

Catbird shirt

I just think this art is so fucking cool. And it's a unique shade of orange which I think he would vibe with.

Floral shirt

SUNFLOWERS. okay they aren't actually sunflowers but they kind of look like them and I mean come on!

Equal and Opposite Shape shirt

What can I say, the man should wear more purple.

Tanks

I'm not actually sold on either of these designs for him but I wanted everyone to just take a second to contemplate the concept of Trent in a tank top. Also the fishtank joke is something Ted would say.

Salamander shirt

I don't know why they decided to make a salamander shirt, but it's cute and it's Trent's favorite colors :)

Everything is Alive triangle shirt

He couldn't have actually worn this in the show because it's a new release but I would have DIED to see him wear it after the Amsterdam episode.

Bonus non-Darlingside shirt: Ballroom Thieves Deadeye shirt

I LOVE this album art and we know Trent appreciates a piratey look so he could realistically pick it up, and can you imagine the fandom meltdown if he'd had a conversation with Ted with a SHIP on his CHEST the whole time?!

#Ted Lasso #Trent Crimm #Darlingside #this is not all of the shirts they have or have had available but it is most of them #pictures of me #I feel funny using myself as a model lol #but some of these either aren't available anymore (so aren't on their website) or the pics on the store don't represent the colors well #although actually when I just checked this draft on my phone the purple one did look better. whatever. you get the idea #I don't know why I did this. anyway listen to darlingside #(but don't let them get too popular lmao I'm already feeling alarmingly hipster about Noah Kahan)

[hal-o-ween]

Monster Hunter <3

#i cant wait until they announce the next one. idk when that will be but i am sooo excited. #especially since they have actually started adding frontier monsters again #since frontier is not officially available anymore they dont have the excuse of maintaining monster exclusivity #i hope they continue bringing back frontier monsters. i want my hummingbird dragon #and the sick music..... #like yeah there was pushback when hypnocatrice and lavasioth entered mainline but that was because #frontier was still going and people were upset that they had to pay a subscription for stuff they could get in a one time purchase game #espinas in rise was a hugely popular addition #so i think that may encourage them to continue adding some frontier monsters to the main series #anyways. i love monster hunter i love the creature designs especially the less dragon-like ones #or the very atypical dragons