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pyrondeeznutz · 9 months

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Ticci Toby Headcanons

PT.02

Toby Rogers proxy headcanons. See pre-proxy headcanons here ⬇️

CW: Descriptions of gore, violence, dark themes, abuse.

<NOTE> Once again this is very long cuz I have a lot of thoughts about Tobys character + story. I didn’t go as in depth with his story cuz I dont know if you guys are interested in that. I have his entire life start to finish planned out in my head so just let me know if anyones interested

TICCI TOBY .

For the first four months after the fire, Toby was completely under the influence of The Slenderman.

He was completely dissociated from the world around him. Toby would get an urge, an intrusion, and he would act on it and thats about the amount of control he had

The boy didn’t initially want to kill. He didn’t know what was happening and he felt like he was losing his mind. It was genuinely terrifying not knowing what was real or fake, not knowing why he coughed up blood or felt static in his head

Or why he felt like something was watching him wherever he went

Toby would find shelter in abandoned cabins littered around the forest he frequently ‘came to’ in, crashing at random junkies places, or even sleeping in trees

Slowly over those four months, he found himself losing track of time. He would wake up and days had passed, not knowing where he was or what he did

Sometimes he’d ‘come to’ with blood on his hands. Toby never knew if it was his or not.

He eventually began forgetting many things of his past. They would simply slip his mind. It started with his childhood, then the faces of his family, then the things they did, their voices, his sister, his mother, his father, his actions. It all became a big blur that eventually faded into nothing

Toby was too separated from reality to care or notice. He could barely process the present moment, he was working completely on autopilot almost as if someone or something else was in control. It’s not like He would let Toby dig into his past anyways

This was Tobys life for the first start. But then it got progressively worse as so did his mental state

He was already a sadistic fuck who secretly took pleasure in hurting others (but god knows he wouldn’t have ever admitted that in the past), so when he had his first target, it wasn’t difficult to push him over the edge

It wasn’t as if he hadn’t killed someone before, he knows by the places he had woken up in and the blood on his hands that he’d done some awful things when he wasn’t quite “awake”

He should’ve been freaked out, but Toby knew what he was capable of. And a part of him liked knowing he had that capability to take another persons life without hesitation

UNDERGROUND .

But despite this power, he was sick. He was plagued with Slender Sickness. The parasite burrowed in his mind and his body and now he was a conduit for The Slenderman

The forest Toby usually hid out in was typically called “Slender Forest”, or sometimes just “The Forest”. It was Slender himself. The forest was apart of Slenderman. The roots were his tendrils, the trees were his eyes, the ground was his skin.

The forest existed outside of the bounds of reality and could only be accessed if you were connected to Slender in some way. If you had access to The Slenderman, you had access to the forest

And most people who were like Toby would seek shelter there as it was the best place to hide from civilization and the authorities

The edge of the forest was connected directly to the real world. It was your typical woods with hiking trails, open areas for campers, and was right on the edge of a highway near a lake

The more you go into that forest (if you have initial access to it) the more you’d be entering Slender Forest. It gets darker, colder, the terrain is flat and repetitive

Deeper you go, darker it gets. Toby always felt like he was in a liminal space when he was in that forest, but in the way it feels like being carried to bed from a car ride by your father when you were 4 years old

Eerily familiar and nostalgic, even though there was no way in hell Toby had ever been there before becoming ‘sick’

Over the months Toby would find himself meeting more and more people like himself. Some by chance, some by the metaphorical hands of The Slenderman

This kid was a freak, a weird guy who was just generally uncomfortable to be around. He was unsocialized and an antisocial prick and you could easily tell that there was something fundamentally wrong with him

So no matter who he met, and even if they were just like him, Toby would never really get along with anyone

Toby had bad anger issues and would always pick fights with the others. When he met Hoodie and Masky, two men who were supposedly the same as him, he lost his shit

It caused a lot of problems at the beginning. But it hurt when he went against Slenders orders. It hurt. And to someone not used to feeling pain, it felt like eternal hell when he defied orders

Job after job, murder after murder, all the time lost. They spread the sickness, tied up loose ends, fell victim to the eldritch parasite. The group got to know each other in the most twisted circumstances

PROXY .

There are two types of relationship you could have with The Slenderman

You could be a proxy, a direct pawn for him, a spreader of the sickness, a vessel to allow Slender to interact with reality outside of his forest

Or you could be a Creep, a killer, entity, or person with connections to Slender or proxies but not useful/of interest enough to use as a vessel or pawn

Toby was a proxy. One of the top, the closest to Slender, one of the most used by him. And he was as obedient as he could be

The boy was lazy, but dedicated. He got the job done but he got it done messily and carelessly. Starting forest fires, leaving bodies to be found, letting victims go just for the thrill of chasing them, starting fights with connections, mouthing off, etc

This would piss his ‘coworkers’ right the fuck off because now they’re left to clean up his messes

He didn’t care though. He was hyper, reckless, and he always wanted more. Anything to keep him busy

More murder, more drama, more fights, more jobs, more sickness, more connections. More more more more

As time passed, Masky and Hoodie would beat the boy into shape and he would bite back like a bad dog. But he learnt how to survive the world, and he was crafty

Sometimes they'd go weeks and maybe a month without getting any direction from Slenderman. They were all horribly bored

It was so fucking boring

But after everything he's done, all the shit he's seen, all the people he's killed and convinced to start killing, after everyone hes led into Slendermans trap

There was no way in hell this boy could ever find redemption

This was what he was built for. Toby Rogers burned to ash in that fire, and like a phoenix Slenderman pulled him out and crafted him like clay

Just like he molded Masky and Hoodie

This group was in it together whether they liked it or not

BAD DOG .

Now this kid was a menace. He was a fucked up kid who never really grew out of his conduct issues, he grew into them

A spitting image of his father. Bitter, mean, and alone.

He wasn’t friendly. He was a loud-mouthed, arrogant asshole who said and did whatever he wanted to. He would mercilessly tease and put people down just to be on top, and god forbid anybody hurt his fragile ego

Masky and Hoodie would often beat the shit out of him if he caused problems, even if he couldnt feel it. They knew he hated feeling small, and so when he stepped out of line or did something risky they would do just that

Everybody always made him feel small, and he'd do anything in his power to fight back

He spent so many years of his life not being able to do anything in his childhood. He spent so many years being a victim to those who were bigger than him when he was supposed to be nurtured and cared for

And he was so fucking angry. Toby would take these feelings out on his victims. The sense of power over them was exhilarating. It made him feel alive. For once in his life he made sure that no one would ever fuck with him again, he was finally capable of standing up for himself

Their life was in his hands. He loved chasing them through the forest or hearing them beg for his mercy. He loved the feeling of having the capability to beat someone into submission

He would target people who rejected him or made him feel like a freak just for that powertrip. So his victims were primarily girls at bars who treated him like he was a creep, or people who insulted him on the streets

Toby was a stalker. He would hunt them down and wait for the moment they forgot to lock their door at night or made the mistake of taking a shortcut through an alleyway

The boy wouldn’t let anybody fuck with him like that. He was a bully who pushed people around and hurt them if they went against him

But that was just his victims, he was always just the runt of the group back in his world. He wasn’t smart or mature or wise as those other guys were. He was a reckless idiot who never thought twice and would lose himself to dramatics

And so Toby couldn’t ever really escape the bullying and abuse. He was forever stuck being powerless

This reflected back badly onto his behaviour where he would get more and more reckless and do more risky things just to do more. He needed more. He craved stimulation and was a bit of an adrenaline junkie to a fault

Toby never considered consequences. He was an asshole who said and did whatever he wanted. He didnt give a fuck about boundaries or others feelings, and god knows he never once felt bad for the things he did or said

But while he was just like his father, he had his mothers heart. In another world where he was properly nurtured as a child Toby would’ve been a sweetheart who did good in the world

On the rare occasions where he shut his mouth, you could see this in him. He would sometimes awkwardly sit by people who were having a tough time, not really saying anything but just being there. Or he would give advice in the most annoying, intrusive ways. He always meant well though

But he never let this side show. He was far too paranoid and far too angry to ever be that vulnerable with someone

Toby had a good sense of acting though. He had a knack for theatrics and was very good at putting on a show. He could play a troubled teen, a victim of circumstance. Or he could play a stupid naive idiot who was more like a hyper child than anything.

Sometimes he played into the act so well people would completely forget what he was capable of, and what he’s done, until he got pissed off and starting threatening to hurt them

It was eerie at how well the boy could manipulate people

DIRTY WORK .

At the start, Toby glamorized and idealized his situation and The Slenderman. The strange creature was like a god to him, and Toby wouldn’t ever fight against His commands

But as more time passed and more atrocities were committed, after all the pain and suffering, he began to absolutely hate the life he was given

He began understand all of Brians resentment, all of Tims anger

No matter what he felt about it, there was no getting out. Toby couldn’t die, he couldn’t run, he couldn’t hide. There was absolutely no escaping the sickness

He was always watching

Toby did what he did, and he would forever be a puppet to this thing.

Sometimes he would sit alone in the pews of a Church, not to pray or seek forgiveness, but because in a house of worship and holiness the sickness subdued for a short while

The boy wasn’t built for hope and forgiveness anyways. He couldn’t imagine any sort of future for himself and just took everything day by day, moment by moment

So the next few years of his life was spent crashing in abandoned cabins or Tims apartment, ruining every good thing in his life, patrolling the forest, washing blood off of his hands and losing so much time to Him

And for those next few years, Toby would spend every waking moment wishing he was never saved in that fire

#creepypasta #ticci toby #horror #creepypasta fandom #ticci toby creepypasta #creepypasta writing #creepypasta ticci toby #creepypasta headcanon #ticci toby fanfiction #ticci toby headcanon #ticci toby headcanons #toby rogers #pyrocrpz

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oh-for-fic-sake-library · 1 year

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Padawan

Masterlist

Summary: Being captured by your old master was meant to mean torture, interrogation and execution. So why were you here? Why is he being so nice and trying to relive old times. And why the fuck is he giving you affection?

Warnings : swearing, anxiety, fluff, Jedi order bashing?, Emperor Anakin, Suitless vader,

A/N: here is another Anakin oneshot, i enjoyed this though i think it could have been better. But if im honest if i keep tweaking it i will lose my mind. So here you go, enjoy lovelies 😘

Wordcount: around 6900

You shivered in the cold cell, curling your arms around your chest, tugging your cloak tighter trying to fed off the chill setteling uncomfortably into your bones. You werent sure what was going on, theoretically you were meant to have been executed the moment the inquisitors found you, but apparently you were different from the others.

And in a way you were different, youd only been a padawan for a few months when the shit hit the fan. Youd never completed training or been knighted just helped as much as you could during the war and your training.

When the empire rose to power and the other jedi watched carefully youd been ordered to hide. Obi wan had pleaded with you to get as far away from everyone as you could. You hadnt understood back then, why was he giving you orders? Why wasnt your master there with you? Youd asked over and over where anakin was, unable to fend off the fear of something happening to him. You werent supposed to but you and your master had created a bond on the battlefield. A close call had prompted Anakin to seal your forces together in some odd taboo bond.

No one would tell you where your master was, or what he was doing. Finally obi wan had just blurted it out. He was dead. You paused, liar. It was a lie, you knew it was you could still feel him. His force signature was still lingering on the edges of your mind. He was wounded, desperate and above all angry.

Once obi wan had lied to your face youd left. It was disturbing. Why? Why was he lying to your face? What else could he have lied about? Things progressed quickly after that, youd abandoned the order and hid yourself on a tiny planet known for living off the land, trading produce, lumber and gem stones.

The massacre happened, and shortly after the news came. As much as you hoped your master was alive you never wanted it to be like that. He was sith now.To say you never saw the dark side in anakin was a lie. There was rage, pride, ambition even fear. Youd always reasoned it was to protect his loved ones. Even though the code forbid love an attachment, it wasnt exactly a bad thing right? Anakin was still protecting the innocent. So it couldnt be so bad? Useing the dark side for good is still good right? Good and evil are subjective, nothing is inherently bad or good, it all depends on the motive, method and reason. At least thats what youd told yourself to justify his actions.

It's said Anakin had lost himself in a rage and almost killed obi wan on a battle on mustafa. Obi wan had fled, before Anakin could deliver the final blow. The next thing you heard was Padme's passing. Nothing was ever mentioned about the baby. Youd like to say things seemed to quiet down after that but it was only a month or so after padme's funeral that palpantine was executed by Anakin. And the new galaxy order began. Your once master was now the emperor, he ruled with an iron fist and hunting of jedi began. Black robed inquisitors scoured the galaxy looking for force sensitive beings to eradicate. It was a genocide.

Youd managed to hide quietly in your little home, holding down a job in the mines, mineing crytals and gem stones. Your reason was if your below ground you cant be spoted. Occasionally youd feel your old master, his life force brushing yours lightly. As if he was checking in on you. Reassuring himself you were still alive.

Sometimes youd sit and meditate trying to severe the connection between the two of you. His response was immediate and ruthless, he'd plough through your mind pressing back harshly, clawing and burning your mind makeing you cry out. It felt as if he were splitting your head open, searing pains would almost cause you to pass out. Just as you felt your vision blackening he'd pull back leaving a lingering sense of disapproval. A warning of not to try that again. For what ever reason he wanted to remain connected to you.

You guessed it had been just over four days since being thrown into your tiny cold cell. Four days of traveling to maker knows where, with little rest and no food bar a slice of bread and cup of water a day. Sleep had evaded you most of the nights, you were far too cold. And what little sleep you did get was haunted by nightmares. Scenarios of a slow grusome torture and bloody end waking you with a terrified cry. And they werent unfounded, the inquisitors and guards made sure you heard their guesses arohnd your fate. From what you could tell theyxd had specific orders to capture you. No one else, you were the only prisoner on the ship. A highly prized lamb ready for slaughter.

Suddenly the doors were flung open and you were unceremoniously dragged from your tiny cell. Two storm troopers heaved you up by your arms threatening to dislocate them as you almost collapsed, knees buckling after staying still for so long. With harsh shpving and a few curses you were being tugged from the ship. Your panic rose with each step as you realised you were probably being taken to your death. Marching out into the hanger and then quickly ushered into a huge yet quiet building. You had no chance to devidse and escape plan or even figure out where you were.

Within mineuts you were placed outside of two huge doors. The stormtroopers releasing you only to flank you either side, blasters at the ready. You frowned eyeing them and then to tall door once more.

"In there rebel! Now" the tropper to your left ordered with a hard shove to your back sending you into a stagger. You caught your footing just as the door began to open.

"Move it!" The other male barked coralling you into the huge dark room. You shivered feeling more unesy as you spied the room, inching forward. It was dark, the only light was one long pipe surrounding the room, currently set to dim white. Not even bright enough to creat a shdow on the black gloss floor.

You stepped further into the black cautiously, feeling more vulnerable then you ever hd before. Your lightsaber had been stolen by the inquisitors tht hd captured you, you felt nked and alone without it. Not that you carried it around, it hd been tucked away in your home. Yet this was the type of situation you missed having it clipped to your belt.

"It has been a long time padawan" you tensed hearing the voice of your once master. It was upseting, your guts twisting uncomfortably. Youd never thought you would hear him again and honestly? It was something you were all to happy to avoid. It was awkward and confusing. The lights suddenly came to life, illuminating the room and revealed a large black and grey space. Columns lined the walls, the gloss floor had n oddly intricate pattern inlaid into it, a mix of geometric and flowing shapes all defined by their gloss, matte and satin finish. One long glossed gangway directed you stright to the end of the room only interrupted by a set of wide sprawling shllow steps.

It was at that point you realised you were in the fabled throne room of the new sith empire. Shit. Not many left this place outside of a box.

Your eyes rose, following the room to the focal point. A huge black granite slab fashioned into a large masculine throne of straight sharp edges. Finally your gze landed on him. God. He was exactly the same, slightly weathered look to him, taller and slightly more muscular then he had been before. The only real changes were the way he'd matured into a stronger jawline and his eyes were a bright glowing amber. Youd say gold but the hint of orange tipped his gaze in to a more sinister hue.

"I heard you fled the order before i returned. Its unfortunate i wished you had stayed there i was coming to collect you, you know" he paused analysing you for a moment. There was a hesitance to his movments he shifted in his seat leaning to one side on his throne, resting on his elbow, hands clasped casually over his abdomen and his legs spread. You released a breath relaxing somewhat as he lounged back into a non threatening stance in his seat.

"But then again obi wan was always interfering. Im sure he convinced you id abandoned you. It wounds me to think youd hve belived him" your masters voice was acompanied by a deep sigh. His eyes almost looked hurt by the notion. You got the feeling your silence was beginning to grate on him. You could feel the tendrils of frustration creeping aroudn you, his force signature becoming restless around him he was irritated. Irritation to anger and then? Well he wasnt exactly known for tempering his rage.

"I didnt; he didnt say that" you inched forward nervously glancing up at him on the raised black dais his throne sat uppon. His eyes widened, surprize washing over his face, chasing away the brewing scowl.

"Oh? Then why did you flee?" His head tipped forward, just like it had done with every question hexd ever posed to you. Just like that you felt like the young clumsy padawan youd once been. That all familiar teasing your master was known for. You knew from old times he wasnt asking because he didnt know the answer, he knew alright. He was testing you, waiting to see if you would lie to him or be honest.

Unlike others in the order you never lied to your master. You had to trust him, and he you. The more you revealed to him for safe keeping the more he had let you in. Even going as far to bring you home to his wife letting you join them for family meals and stay over in the spare bedroom. Yes youd gotten far with anakin by telling him the truth willingly, and youd not stop that now.

"He lied to me. They all did, they said you were dead but i... felt you. And then it raised other questions about the order, i didnt understand why they were so eager to get rid of me. I couldnt stay anymore when they were so brazen about it" you explained clearly, trying not to babble away and trail off into your confused nonsense.

"Then you are lucky little one, to have seen the truth before it was too late. But then again you were always one for difficult questions. Your veiws on the dark side and the light always troubled the council." He chuckled to himself shaking his head recalling all the times your bombarded him with the why's and how's like a curious youngling thirsty for knowledge. At the time he'd explained everything in line with the jedi code as best as he could. But found himself having to shush you often as you continued to question the code and morals behinde it. He was somewhat proud of you for it, you refused to follow blindly, much like him. You didnt see life as cut and dry as others raised in the temple, in a way anakin was lucky.

"What? They knew?" You anounced curseing yourself at the fear that washed over you. Anakin drew a deep breath, his jaw locking as he felt the fear in you, the sickening twisting in your gut at the thought of those jedi ever scaring you. He opened the bond you both shared smothering you with soft reassurance. Calming you with a blanket of his own force coiling around you just as he had when you would panic alone in your bunk at night. He dreads to think how many times he'd stayed up at night soothing you waiting for you to drift off to sleep before resting himself.

He smirked, despite your initial shock and gasp at his gentle reassurance your own life force welcomed him like an old freind. His smug grin softened when you relaxed into his invisible embrace choosing to ignore all the current circumstances and just accept some comfort, for comforts sake.

"They would call me and obi wan in to discuss it. Your beliefs over useing the dark side for the greater good troubled them a great deal. They even suggested takeing you from me. Wanting to place you with a stricter master." He explained gently, savouring the momentary peace you were allowing him. He didnt want to be at logger heads with you, or for you to fear him. You werent his enemy, and never will be. He loved you, he wanted you to know that.

"It created a great deal of tension between obi wan, the council and myself. I wouldnt let them have you. Your mine and mine alone and i fought to keep you that way. I think deep down they knew i wanted to keep you no matter my path" he soothed you, he needed you to know he had defended you. Fought for you, he had your back no matter what the council said, no matter what his own former master said. He shifted in his set uncomfortably before grunting and rose to his feet.

"So them anouncing my death before they'd even faced me is just another manipulation. They chased you out of the order not to protect you but out of fear. You frightened them little one, your a free thinker they believed once they chased you off and killed me it would protect their precious order." He sneered slowly decending the stairs as he spoke. None of them could see how special you were in the order. They were ignorant.

"Wont you come closer? Id like to see how youxve grown" he spoke after a moment of silence, beckoning you forward to him. He was eager to reunite with you properly.

You steeled yourself and approched him slowly trying to figure out just how much danger you were in. Or if any? It was disconcerting, to look at him he was the same master you knew and loved, the same man youd run to with all your problems and questions. The same person you trusted with your life, the one whod slapped you upside the head when you were getting ahead of yourself.

Yet he was completely different?

He nolonger masked his presence, he felt dangerous and slick. Like oil ready to ignite. He stood tall with no shame or hesitation. There was nothing about him that let you think he wasnt in total control. His eyes though. You couldnt stop glancing at them, they were haunting.

"Not by much i see, still a pipsqueek. Oh Come now, move closer im not going to harm you" he teased your small stature, as he often did. And then sighed beckoning you again whilst stepping towards you himself giving little room for argument. Finally he stood before you and smiled scoffing to himself befor reaching out to you, brushing his hands across your shoulders and straightening your clothing that was still skewed from your rough handling by the troopers.

"Your filthy. But then again why wouldnt you be all those years in the mines" he mused shaking his head at you. You nodded still trying to figure him out. He wasnt shoutingnor attacking you, he seemed well normal? Like nothing had happened and you hadnt been hiding from him and his empire for the past five years of so.

"I should have known, you always were drawn to shiny gems. A collection of crystals hidden under your bed." His face lit up playfully as yours paled again, the panic of being caught settling over you, and slight disappointment.

"You knew?" Your tiny question tore a laugh from him and he patted your shoulders squeezing lightly. It was just like his mischievous padawan to belive she could hide things from him. Not to say it was easy for him to uncover your little collection. He'd found it by mistake after having to carry you to your own bed after a taxing mission left you sleeping like the dead on the flight home. He'd accidentally kicked a small box under your bed and investigated the rattle.

"Of course i did. I knew everything about you my little padawan. I even added to your collection once or twice" he admitted with a smirk watching as your eyes widened in realisation.

"That was you?" Your eyes followed him as he rounded you stopping beside you and slung his arm around your shoulders tucking you against his side. You melted into him, your force coiling around him, tugging at his. It was like youd gone soo long since having this type of comfort you needed to make up for lost time.

He reciprocated taking every opportunity he could to reconnect with you. He wanted to prove so much in such a small amount of time. He wanted you to realise he was free to dote on you, neither of you had to hold back you were allowed to feel now. The simple fact you were already seeking him out soke volumes about how much your abrupt separation had affected you.

"Indeed, i see nothing wrong with treating you to a few gifts for a job well done. As much as the jedi claimed to abide by the code they all had there own forbidden possessions." He quickly moved on, wanting you to know youd ultimatly made the right decision. No one in the order followed all of the rules, they were all hypocrites to some extent. It had always been do as i say not as i do, he wished he'd noticed sooner. The pain and fear he and padme had lived in all those years was unnecessary, everyone head their own exceptions.

"Windu had a small collection of books, obi wan found his own work around; food. Treating himself and others to delicious meals. You had your shiny jewels and i" he stopped himself for a moment giving you a moment to process the betrayals of your ex-superiors. But also pondering if this was the right time to plant a seed in your mind. He had plans. Big plans, plans that would change both of your futures.

You looked at him expectantly, your brow furrowing as you took him in, waiting for him to finish. It was nerve-wracking he'd always been unpredictable. And for him to hesitate over his next words was unsettling.

"I had you and padme. We were tiny but fullfilling family nonetheless" you blinked up at him. What? His smiled grew and he squeezed you to him once more before dropping his head a d pressing a chaste kiss on your hair line. You frowned confused by his claim.

Did he? Did he really feel that you and padme were his exception? That you both belonged to him? In sime fucked up way you did, well you had done. You were his pupil, he could train and punish you as he saw fit, take you to the front lines or confine you to the temple. But as much as you loved him as a brother youd never ever dreamt he felt the same, even though he clearly loved padme and obi wan. You just hadnt thought you were another of his loved ones.

"Were not family" the muttered words were out before you could even think on the consequences. Images of him suddenly crushing you with the force, choking or punishing you for disagreeing with him flooded you. You winced, jerking away expecting him to react violently just like the rumours said. But he didnt instead he, tipped his head down to you, looking at you curiously from the top of his eyes and rose a brow.

"No? Are you sure about that little one?" He cooed down at you teasingingly.

"Well i mean... i err Y-yes; technically we arnet? Well... not now?" You fumbled, mixing your words whilst loo,ing away, your gaze dropping to the floor uncomfortably. It was hard holding his gaze, it was different. The harsh reality of him being a sith was daunting. Seeing really was believing, but he was still your old master. In a way it was frightening to think of how close he was to the darkside when he was training you, when you trusted him; loved him even!

"Then we should do something bout that shouldnt we?" He uttered smoothing your hair from your face tucking it behinde your ear. He froze for a second and then frowned.

"You? Whats this? Your braid is gone" his fingers dived further in to your hair feeling around for the braid he had gifted you alongside his tutelage all those years ago. Once realising it was no longer there he scowled at you, amber eyes searing into your own demanding an explanation.

"i had to get rid of it, people knew what it meant. It was dangerous to keep" you shrugged whislt crossing your fingers holing that he didnt get offended and start lecturing you about it. I mean what did he expect? It was open season on jedi, of course youd got rid of the braid. Thats not to say it was an easy thing to do, to your shame youd cried as you unwove it. Youd watched in the mirror as fat tears rolled down your cheeks, and a bottle of strong spirit standing by to pick up the pieces.

Despite the way everything had happened and his quick descent into the dark side you couldnt help mourn the loss of your braid, it symbolised your entire, lifes work, sacrifice. Youd endured the temple and its teachings. Earned your braid and became a padawan to an amazing powerful man and was well on your way to becoming a knight. And just like that it had to go, everything youd worked for was pulled out from under you.

Your feelings must has crept through your bond, bitter sadness and loathing, regret and guilt entwined int one hard cold mass in your chest. Life was much cruler then you cpuld have imagined. Anakin took a moment to watch you, his force carefully peaking into you coaxing you to share more of your inner conscious with him. It saddened him to see just how much youd lost in the turning of the tides. Youd both lost what you held dear, and although he couldnt regain everything that had been ripped from him, he was adamant that hexd restore as much as he could to his beloved pupil.

"Turn around" he ordered before curling his fingers around your arms and spun you around faceing away from him.

"What? Ah!? Master! Wait no!" You bit your lip cutting off the rest of your complaint. Your face flushed as you called him by his old title. He wasnt your master, not anymore. Not since the rise of the empire! How could you slip up like that. Hes the karking emperor now!

If he noticed tour little blunder he chose not to tease you for it, instead he battled your flaying arms and squirmong with swift swats you your head grunting, huffing down at you as you struggled against him.

"For kriff sake! Will you hold still pipsqueek!?" He cursed out loud before striking the back of your head harder then before, letting you feel his growing frustration. You yipped at the slap and tensed for a moment.

"No- let go, hey? What are you doing?" You cried out after a few seconds trying to tug away from him, spining to face him only to yelp again as this time i stead of a palm to the side of your head there was a harsh tug on your hair from behind your right ear.

"Hold still otherwise i will end up ripping a chunk of hair from your scalp. Then youll have a bald spot" He chided giving another harder pull jerking your head to face forward again. You whined moving your hands to pull at his wrists feeling him fiddling with a length of hair. But your hands were stopped at the last moment. Anakins force looped around your wrists and snapped them back down to your sides squeezing in reprimand before releasing them.

"You were never this fussy before" he muttered to himself as he continued to concentrate of the small patch of hair, expertly twisting it neatly, just like the first time.

"What are you doing?"

"Replacing your braid padawan. I do not like seeing you without it" he huffed quickly, makeing sure to be carefull with his words. He knew yoh well enough, youd never admit to missing the single braid. So he would take the metaphorical fall for it. If he said it was for his sake then your more likely to accept it. Contrary to what you belived in this moment he knew youd do anything for him still. The warmth in your force and calm neediness was enough for him to know you still cared for him, just as he did you.

"But im; thats a jedi thing! We're not jedi! Your not my master, your sith!"you grunted waving your arms around once more only to hiss as the hit and invisible wall that stopped you from reaching back to your hair. You pouted shaking out your fingers, rubbing your now tender knuckles.

"Says the girl who just called me her master? Will you hold still?Honestly where has my good girl gone?" He asked pointedly, sending you a small whisper of amusement through the force as to not frighten you into thinking he was displeased. He had to tread carefully, you were still wary of him. If he had any hope or rekindling this relationship and possibly seeking more then kinship he had to be perceptive to your own mood.

"Probably in the mines pocketing the clear points" you huffed under your breath, still sulking. Anakin bellowed a laugh at that. It really was like old times. Just like he hoped for, not that he wanted togoback to. How things were before, but he had missed being treated like a person rather then an authoritarian entity. But his humanity was only for the likes of you to experience. Everyone else could get karked.

"The jedi may be dead, but that doesnt mean i cant borrow some of their ideas. The padawan braid has always been a symbol of domination, hierarchy. Protection." You gave a small hum in agreement, nodding gently before remebering he was braiding your hair.

"I thought you hated it though? The rules and symbolism stuff?" You pondered out loud trying to make sense of the man. He hated the structure and classes. Everyone in their own box unable to argue of explore anything outside of their designated fields.

"It has taken a while but even i can appreciate the notion of protecting something" you nodded along with him, unsure if it was because you agreed with him or if you just wanted to hurry up and get all this weirdness over with.

"There we go, all mine again padawan. Its much better now dont your think?" His hand glided over the much longer braid, admiring the simplicity of it, honestly seeing you wear the thin braid made his heart swell with a possessive pride. Eventually he tore his eyes away from the symbolic strands,stepping around you dragging the braid forward for you to see before letting it drop to your chest.

"Im not a padawan anymore" your eyes locked onto the braid for a second, lighting up in excitement despite your mild complaint. He coukd feel the instant attachment from you, and mild distaste. It would seem you were uneasy about having such reactions to somthing that had been so sentimental in the past.

Anakin eyed you for a moment and then reached out tucking the braid behinde your shoulder again. It would take some time for things to go back to the way they were, he wouldnt let you dwell on it. You needed to move on with him, join him in his freedom. He didnt move away from you. Instead he cupped your cheek softly, coaxing you to look him in the eye, and began to speak sincerly.

"Perhaps not in the way you used to be. But you are still mine, you always have been. Our connection is absolute with or without you braid. Ah! No, dont you dare. Thats not an invitation to remove it. I will singe it at the root with my saber if you try to remove it a second time" he scolded quickly slapping at your hands at the rose to your hair trying to find the braid he'd just weaved. You whined dropping your hands to your sides as they smarted from the swift stinging rebuke.

"Now i think its about time you got cleaned up and some actual rest. Your dark circles are ridiculous" he instructed crowding you again turning with you and began directing you to an arch set back slightly hidden from veiw by thick a pillar. A passage way to the right of the dias and throne.

"Wha; bathed and bed? I dont... i dont understand arent you just going to kill me? Or or arrest me or somthing?!" You jerked away hastily, almost stumbbling over as you spun around dramatically. Even after the strange calm happiness youd seemed to give one another you were technically on opposite sides of the force. You were unable to truly belive he only had the best intentionsfor you.

"Absolutely not, why would i do that?" Indignat fury washed over his face, setting it into a scowl. His arms crossed over his chest, hands tucking themselves into the crook of his arms as if staving off reaching for you once more.

"Isn't that what youve done to everyone else who escaped the temple, erradicate or interrogate them" your voice carried an urgency. Frightfull and desperate. Your fear of being interrogated and killed spewing like venom on your tongue. He rolled his eyes shifting on his feet before a sardonic smile crossed his features.

"You are different, dont ever put yourself into the same pathetic status as them. And i know you know nothing bout the others stragglers, you think ive not been rooting around that headmof yours?" His announcement irked you somewhat. Sure it was a possibility but for him to out right say he'd been helping himself to your inner thoughts was a whole other dilemma. For two reasons mainly, one did you actually trust him when he admits to such invasions of privacy and two how in the hell did you not notice? Where you really that rusty? Or was this a sith only trick the amber eyes granted you?

"You... you what?" Anakin drew a deep sigh, as much as he wanted to be irritated by your outburst. Your squeeked words disarmed him. He forgot how adorable you could be when the wind was taken from your sails. You shrunk into this sweet vulnerable little thing.

"Sweet girl of course i've been flicking through your head to find information. You think our connection weakened because of our distance?" You squinted at him a sure sign of you thinking too hard, searching for a hidden riddle in his admission.

"Not at all, i always knew where you were. I simply let you enjoy your own life for a few years. But now i want you home again, i do not trust all of my inquisitors. And that silly little planet is one of the next ones to be.. investigated." He waved a hand through to air brushing off the notion of you becoming another victim of his empire. It was preposterous, he wouldnt even entertain your silly thoughts of being executed by reassuring you. Surely you knew he'd gaurd you with his life?

"So you... sent them to get me?" You uttered the question was more of an acusation rather than an actual question. You were just trying to be polite about it. And hold back the nausea and panic brewing within you.

"Yes, why wouldnt i? Your mine. We're family, we are all each other has left in the galaxy." His face softened he finally gave in reaching for you tugging you closer and resting his head against yours for a moment. It was too much for him to resist, yes hexd let you have a few years of freedom but he had missed you. You were the last person he truly cared about, the final piece to his empire. The only living soul he would have along side him. It would take time but soon youd grow to love him more then you once did.

"But they?" You huffed, voice trembling tears threatening to stain your face. You burrowed into him, breathing him in. Letting him nuzzle you sweetly. Youd never been this close to him, sure he yanked you out of the way of the odd laser or two and pinned you during sparring matches and training. But this was more intimate, this was actual affection. Anakin was holding you, hugging you letting you feel how much he cared. It was amazing to finally have something youd craved for so long. This was always forbidden, at the tempke you received the odd hug as a youngling but not very often, affection was taboo.

But even the affection didnt manage to chase away the overwhelming relief and fury swirling inside of you. Releived to find you wont be dieing anytime soon, but fury over the fear and anxiety youd had to go through to get here! It wasnt fair, youd truley belived you were going to be on the recieving end of a lightsaber, or shoved face first into a plasma turbine and have a painfull death consisting of dismemberment. Thats what the inquisitors and troopers had gossiped. Hushed whispers of being tortured and slaughtered. And youd belived them!

"They what?" The air grew cold around you both he leant back, his eyes glowing ominously. You could literally feel the wrath in him. The promise of vengeance and revenge should anything untoward had happened. But whether it was madness or spite you still answered his tumultuous question.

"They locked me up! In a freezing cell and? They made me think i was going to; that someone would torture me! Kill me! And they stole my saber!" You covered your mouth gasping, flushing when you realised you'd just tattled on them like a child. Anakin didnt even blink at the way youd quickly told on the asshats that had captured, imprisoned and scared the crap out of you.

"Then you will be happy to know those that were sent to return you to me are already dead. I wont have gossip about you in my forces. And your saber is perfectly safe, its being taken to my room as we speak. I didnt trust you not to cleave off some limbs before i got you home" his reply startled you. He'd what? He had killed for you? To keep you secret... you frowned as much as it should bother you it didnt. Well not much, your first thpught was 'no! why did he do that for you?' The second louder thought that crossed your mind was 'well good, they were assholes'. It struck you to the core, you should be scared, be horrified that your master hd done such a thing but no. You just felt confusion. It didnt make sense to you so much you couldnt help but ask him, you wanted to understand.

You also wanted to understand your relief when hed anou ced he had your lightsaber. Because honestly? You lightsaber in the hands of a sith isnt normally something that'd calm you. It was a troubling realisation. Despite everythingnyou still held Anakin in high regard.

"Home? This isnt; I dont... i dont understand" you frowned up at him, your voice growing small and unsure. You grew more confused with each statment he made. Was he keeping you here? Did he expect something from you? Was he going to recruit you, give you responsibilities?

"Everything will be fine. Soon youll understand, i have high hopes for us. Our future has never been brighter little one. You'll see soon enough. But for now we will take our time, reacquaint ourselves" he uttered cryptically stepping back from you smoothing his hands over your shoulders. As excited as he was, now was not the time to overwhelm you. He was patient, he will slowly ease you into your new role. Draw you closer and closer, higher and higher untill you took your place beside him. Youd be his empress in no time. He was sure of it. But first he had to rekindle your trust, then he could seduce you.

"Future? What are you going to start training me again? Do you need an apprentice or something?" You pondered wareily, you knew tht sith training was different from jedi, you werent necessarily trained. The master would just anwser your questions, when you asked the right ones that is. But in all honestly you didnt want ny training , or fighting. You simply wanted to live your life, preferably without fear or condemnation.

Anakin shook his head and slipped along side you, capturing your hand before placing it in the crook of his arm before setting off once more. Heading you towards the side exit again.

"Hush.Once you trust me again we can revisit the topic of our new path. For now relax, enjoy your freedom about the palace. You can do as you please inside these walls, have all the pretty gems and polished stones your heart desires." The final teasing words felt odd, he wasnt baiting you but there was a sincerity there. Youd never notice it was infact a subtle manipulation. A well placed temptation solely there to lure you out of your old padwan mentally. He didnt want you to see him as your master, nor did he want you to revert to your old ways and place such limits on yourself again. He wanted you to grow attched to him, to rely on him, to seek him out and enjoy the freedom he'd granted you. but above all he wanted you to fall for him. And it would be hard not to if he gave you everything youd ever wished for.

"Be a good girl for me? Go get cleaned up and straight to bed i will see you in the morning. And remember leave that braid alone, id hate to have to reprimand you so early on" it took a little more then two minutes to exit the throne room. There was a droid waiting by the door expectantly.

"Escort her to the chambers i prepared in my private wing. Shes to bathe, eat and get some sleep. No one is to disturb her" Anakin eased your hand from his arm whislt delivering orders to the droid. You made to argue, still determined to have some answers, preferably less vague. But he hushed you with a motion of his hand and then leant forward tugging you in for another tight hug, squeezing you to hos chest unable to deny his impulses.

"Do as ive asked, rest. I shall see you in the morning for breakfast. Untill then pipsqueek" his whispered low, his breath tickeling the sensitive shell of your ear drawing an involuntary shudder from you. And then he parted from you. Leaving you with a sweet kiss on your cheek before turning on his heel and making his way back towards the throne.

You stood frozen, rooted to the spot lifting a hand to your cheek grazing the spot he'd kissed. Your heart fluttering in your chest and cheeks red. That was new. Suddenly your veiw of your master was interrupted by the service droid instrucing you to follow them deeper into the palace. You nodded stiffly your feet keeping pace with the droid. But did chance a final glance to the emperor as he took his place on the huge throne. Sparing you a single smoldering look as your turned a corner out of sight.

He definitely had a plan, yet you wasnt sure if you feared it. Infact your all to happy to remain here quietly if it meant youd be safe, sheltered and fed well. Despite all of the tragidies within the empire and the heavy handed rule of Anakin your only personal concern was that youd be hunted and killed. It was clear that was no longer the case. It seemed selfish and you did feel somewhat guilty but maybe you could just relax for a while? Enjoy some security and good food and comfy beds. You can overthink and agonise over your moral compass later, when your not filthy, tired and hungry.

#oh for fic sake fics #anakin x fem reader #anakin x reader #emperor!Anakin #suitless vader #darth vader x reader

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funsize-cenobites · 1 year

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I like thinking of this thing I saw someone say, about how Heavy must not see Medic as a 'Bad or Evil Man' because he asks Scout if there will be evil men for them to destroy. And I, as a Heavymedic enjoyer, do believe this to a point. Because I also like to think of all the mercs as fully realized people and try to see things from their point of view, varying degrees of morality, and sensibilities.

I don't think Heavy is blind to the weird and fucked up things Medic does in the name of science or progress (Whatever that means to him) but I do think the way Heavy's moral code operates allows for leeway. I think Heavy considers Medic to be straddling the line a lot of the time. He didn't grow up easy or fair, he had to do what he had to do a lot of the time. He sees killing as both enjoyable as an act and also necessary at many points in time, job or no job. Heavy has the kind of morality that already allows for 'Mass murder is just okay sometimes.... a lot of the time.' so hes not a perfect cinnamon roll himself. Is he better than Medic? Oh absolutely. By leaps and fucking bounds. But still.

The way I envision them is two men who are kinda in awe of one another in the actual sense of the word. Both are kinda afraid of each other in relation to their specific specialties. They have- for the types of people they are- an astonishingly healthy amount of respect for each other. I don't think Heavy questions much of what Medic does, not because he doesn't see it, not because he isnt aware the doc has a toolbox full of loose screws but instead because hes also just not as uwu a good person as people think he is. Hes honorable sure. But by who's standards?

Medic is, insane or not, a genius. He has defied god in a lot of ways. And I do believe even he has his limits and things he might joke about but wouldnt cross the line of but that's a different conversation. Ive kinda lost the plot of my rambling, bottom line is:

I like thinking of them a lot and I love them. I think Heavy might occasionally act as a system of checks and balances rarely when theres somethingMedic brushes up against thats too off color for the moment but I just... don't think Heavy minds all that much. He's a mercenary and a survivor and a protector. He built his own moral code from the ground up and I dont think he sees Medic as evil because I think Heavy puts too much emphasis on familiarity rather than actual morality.

#tf2 #Heavymedic #Just thinkin #I like my gay old men with grey morals and personal narratives that make no sense to sane people #Heavy isnt soft and hes not like... A good and righteous person either.#He just lets the soft animal of his body love what it loves.#And unfortunately that happens to be another more insane man.#Tf2 Heavy #Tf2 Medic

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sunhatllama · 22 days

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20 Questions for Fic Authors

Thank you so so much @silvercap for the tag!! I love these games :DD

1. How many works do you have on AO3?

I have 22 works on ao3!

2. What is your AO3 wordcount?

237,770 words and counting :))

3. What fandoms do you write for?

I have written for a few things over the past few years, but right now I am writing pretty exclusively for Resident Evil, though I do have a Call of Duty fic in progress that might see the light someday.

4. What are your top 5 fics by kudos?

(Im going to go with only Resident Evil ones because i said so)

1) what are you willing to sacrifice for peace? - my Vendetta fic! also the start of my connected chreon series

2) Please Don't Leave Me - a Leon sickfic I haven't gotten around to finishing yet lmaoooo (also part of the chreon series)

3) in my dreams, we're far away from here - part two of the chreon series, a 3+1 with carrying as the theme :))

4) When I need you, you're always there - another part of the chreon series, Leon has a nightmare

5) all it takes is a snap - my singular whumptober fic with hurt Leon haha (chreon ofc)

None of my newer fics are getting traction but thats okay! gonna enlighten as many people to the hurt Chris agenda

5. Do you respond to comments?

I try to! i sometimes am busy and forget to, but if i see one i usually comment back!

6. What is the fic you wrote with the angstiest ending?

To be fair, I haven't killed anyone off yet. All my fics end happy because my poor heart can't take a bad ending.

7. What is the fic you wrote with the happiest ending?

oooo, good question...either what are you willing to sacrifice for peace? or in my dreams, we're far away from here because of happy chreon :))

8. Do you get hate on fics?

I haven't yet, but I don't get too much engagement anyway. I don't think I have had the opportunity to get any. Haven't gotten any hate here either.

9. Do you write smut? If so, which kind?

I do!! I used to not, but now that I kind of know how it's done, I've been experimenting and practicing. Most of my fics nowadays have sex scenes in them (or multiple) but i have written a pure smut fic.

10. Do you write crossovers? What’s the craziest crossover you’ve ever written?

I haven't! I'm not the biggest fan of crossovers and often avoid reading them because I'm not interested. Doesn't mean they're bad though. Just not my thing.

11. Have you ever had a fic stolen?

I hope not! Not that I'm aware of at least.

12. Have you ever had a fic translated?

I have not (though if you wanna, please ask! I'm very open to it)

13. Have you ever co-written a fic before?

Yes, I have! I am actually in a roleplay server and have a writing partner. We have been turning many an rp in a fic for you guys! Like I can't escape this now, unless you show me how (mine and @leon-thot-kennedy 's re 5 chreon au)

14. What’s your all-time favorite ship?

CHREON!!! I have liked a lot of ships from other fandoms, but chreon is without a doubt my favorite Resident Evil ship as well as all around ship. Other ships are just fine but chreon is my OTP, the source of all happiness in my life.

15. What’s a WIP you want to finish but doubt you ever will?

Oh definitely Please Don't Leave Me. I have an outline and a plan and everything, just haven't had the juice to write hurt Leon nowadays. I hope to come back to it though!!!

16. What are your writing strengths?

I don't actually know haha. No one has told me anything, but I like to think I do suspense fairly well? Not as good as other people but I'm still learning! This year marks my fourth year of writing though so that's exciting :))

17. What are your writing weaknesses?

Definitely balancing dialogue, action, and internal thoughts. I always have too much of one of those. Also I tend to reuse phrases or sentence structure and I need to learn to spice it up a little lmaoo

18. Thoughts on writing dialogue in another language in fic?

I think writing dialogue in another language is perfectly fine. Especially if the character speaks another language. You just have to be aware that not everyone will understand what is being said. But if it's essential to the plot, saying that they said it in another language works too.

19. First fandom you wrote for?

Star Trek (2009) or the reboot movies lmao. It's funny, I started out not shipping anyone, but then started to ship Jim and Bones. But then I watched the original series and shipped Spirk in the old series. So I actually think that this was my first foray into shipping men together. Haven't been the same since hehehehe.

I was into Star Trek for about a year and a half! longest to date and I would say it was my first true hyperfixation. Resident Evil is creeping up on length though haha.

20. Favorite fic you’ve written?

Favorite fic is hard but I actually REALLY like I can't escape this now, unless you show me how . It's my baby, my magnum opus. The best thing I have had a hand in creating (even if only half of it is mine). For fics that are purely mine, The Stars Were Out was the most fun to write with the forest and stuff. Was kind of experimental but it was fun to try and describe things a little better and draw out the scenes.

Tagging- @wisecrackingeric-2 , @spectralharvest , aaaaand i was going to tag more but I have suddenly forgotten every writer friend I know that hasn't already been tagged. If you see this, and wanna do it, go for it! <33333

#🦙 talks #writing game #fic game #love doing these!!

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dorylinae-supremacy · 2 months

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Toying with yet another AU besties because I'm plagued by visions.

Autism just enters hyperdrive sometimes and demands I put my blorbos in even more situations. Rn I'm playing with a vampire hunter AU, something dark and with a bit of angst as per usual.

Emduo being hunters and then one of them (maybe Techno) getting bit and turned. Obviously Phil is absolutely devastated. He's a pretty mean hunter and takes a bit too much joy in killing already but he cant imagine having to put his friend down.

But thats exactly what he needs to do and Techno's asking him to do it. This is where meanza gets shaken up into a more skrunkly form.

Maybe he decides to keep Techno at his house for a few days, just giving him some comfort before eventually having to put him down, Tech kinda settles for it because who wouldnt want things to be normal again so that you can be comfortable before your bestie / father figure kills you because you got bit.

Toss in him getting bit because he was protecting Phil and its even more fun.

Anyway Phil is trying to hype himself up for it but Techno's so easy to just delay and put off that he kinda falls into the groove of things. He gets it in his head that maybe he doesnt have to kill his friend, maybe he can just keep him locked and hidden away.

He brings this up and Techno is obviously not really down for this but they're both desperate and neither really want him to die so they totally start actually thinking about it.

They 'hypothetically' talk it out a few times before Tech stats going downhill a bit. He's not being fed and he has no sire around so stuff isnt fun. Phil panics and goes off to get a vampire. He drags them back and lets Techno feed off of them and its a bit better.

The venom in the blood is just enough to sustain him. This form of vampirism would be less complex than AFN's since otherwise Techno would probably just die because theyre both clueless. So instead its a very watered down version.

Anyway things progress like that for a while and Phil has to bring in actual human bodies for Techno to feed on. He gets over it very quickly but Techno doesnt and usually has to be convinced to actually feed.

Obviously after some time Techno latches onto Phil as his sire despite him not even being a vampire and his morals slip a bit too.

In the end we get dark emduo and its very fun.

I had another one in mind where Phil gets bit instead but because he has spent so long on the field he knows how to take care of himself, Techno is very skrunkly and along for the ride in that one too.

Just clings to his bestie and helps cover stuff up while Phil (a bit too eagerly) starts doing his vampire bullshit. It totally ends in Phil biting him and turning him as well.

#dory brainrots #dory rambles

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magnoliamyrrh · 6 months

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. ive got such a long list of reasons to be bitter and fed up and angry. i have so much pain within me. sometimes i feel like pain, deep, deep, sorrowful pain, mourning, grief, anger, a desperate need to stop feeling suffocated is what i know best. and u know as much as i think all thats justified and as much as i think my anger is important for my sanity , and as much as tbh i like by this point to an extent that my over it little tolerance for bullshit angry kinda agressive vibe is a part of my personality - that my bitterness is earned and aged like fine win. but idk, i have tired to rein it in these last months progressively bc it was consuming me and my nervous system literally couldnt handle it

but. something i still havent figured out how to deal w is my very, very, very bad case of survivors guilt. maybe its gotten a bit better but that makes me feel guilty too. it always does. i try not to let it haunt me but It Always done it haunts me that its somehow not supposed to consume and haunt me

. after everything my own pain and trauma is not what fucks me up the most. its always that its not over for so many others. for so many others its not over, its never over, theyre going through it rn, many worse than anything i ever went through. many that wont make it out alive

my best friend says its not my responsibility especially with my crippled health and the little of my fragile sanity to try to do something about it. that spending years trying to do something about sex trafficking or whatever else would break me, eat me up inside, that people who aint traumatized end up killing themselves or alchoholics, shells from what they've seen, so what would it do to me? he says. ive earned my rest, ive earned looking away, ive earned my peace

...

but what does that matter? what it would do to me? he says he doesnt understand why i spend so much time writing and speaking on this shit. at first it was to understand myself. now it is the horror that it is so much more horrible and bad and keeps going, its not me. its others. i always have felt more impacted by seeing others in pain than myself. i never can stand seeing my pain on someone else.

he says he doesnt understand why i look. he says he doesnt understand why i think. he says he doesnt understand why i study. doesnt understand why i want to do something about it when its so horrible

........

but ive been.... lucky. not so but lucky. lucky enouth to live. to get out. to get my "freedom."

but what does "my" individual freedom mean? when others dont have it? what does it matter?....... what does it matter?

it feels like my trauma isnt over through them. its not. im just one person, but for so many its not over. it wont be over. they may never see over until their graves.... time is a flat circle and all

...

and i think, how many? how many? and i think too.... in the history of the balkans, of my people, my women and little girls... how many? for how long?

how many today? everywhere?

how am i supposed to rest easy. how am i supposed to live my life ignoring it

why shouldn't i burn myself out. i already am. why shouldnt i take on the trauma of getting back into it for the sake of others

what does my freedom mean without theirs?

their screams echo through my head. they were my own once. i have stopped screaming

they have not

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ssseriema · 7 months

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Righty so ive been seeing your lifesteal art for a while and I made the decision at the immaculate hour of 12:14 at night to watch it, but I’ve got no clue how to start. Do you have any recommendations of who to watch/where to start/where to watch it etc. and also what it’s about, that would be swell too.

thanks! :]

IM LATE ANON SORRY ABT THAT uhmmmmm. so the lifesteal smp is a server where if you die you loose a permanent heart off your health bar and if you kill someone you gain a heart (hence the stealing part). think, life series if seasons went on for months. alliances are made, broken, treasured, people are killed. all the good stuff.

starting lifesteal smp can be a little overwhelming because theres so many people but you just gotta choose a pov and run with it. also keep in mind that it doesnt have life series/hermitcraft style of progression as the episodes are more like highlights of what happens in the server. i would recommend starting with the season 3 videos since imo its the easiest season to start with. my personal pov recommendations are here

princezam: hes silly reddoons: hes awesome rekrap: hes also awesome vitalasy: hes also silly clownpierce: hes a clown who can kill people

sometimes content creators wont have their videos organized, but theres playlists out there that compile videos from each season

most livestreams post season 3 are archived too in case you eventually wanna watch those, because sometimes theres lore sprinkled in there(very time consuming though). season 5 started a bit ago and most members to my knowledge are finished with their season 4 videos, so you can also start with those too if you want. season 2 is also good (i started there!!)

also just a side note but members put so much effort into yt vids and thats why sometimes theyll take a while to come out. editing in some of these videos go SOOOO HARD OHHHGH MY GODDD(thinking roshambogames)

lifesteal smp comes FREE with EVERY DISEASE!!!!

I HOPE THIS WAS SOMEWHAT HELPFUL:D SORRY FOR LONG POST

#asks!#lssmp

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pandoratheprocrasticreator · 2 years

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my one big gripe with the owl house will always be what they did with the blight parents. they built them up in amity’s flashback and the first episode they appear in as a couple on equal standing with each other, whose abusiveness manifests in different but equally malicious ways. who terrorize their kids because they care about their company more than their children and parade them like status symbols. and even alador, the less active parent, can stop Odalia’s abuse at any time because they’re EQUAL in their partnership but doesn’t bother because he either doesn’t care what she’s doing or they’re working together to do it.

even in the episode centering around alador, they never show any indication that odalia is forcing his hand, or even that he’s against odalia’s decisions at all. at most they show he hasn’t talked to his children in like 10 years and doesn’t know or care what they want until amity shows potential in abominations, which alador then cares about. (the twins show magical potential in that episode too, and he still didn’t care btw.) even then they reinforce the fact that alador can stop odalia’s abuse at any time by promising to talk to her about amity’s hair in a way that implies he’s confident odalia will listen. he never promises amity that he’ll talk to odalia about her not wanting to join a coven. and later we find out odalia is still able to ground the blight kids and break amity’s belongings without any mention of resistance from alador.

and then in all of a sudden they retcon these two to the Evil Woman and her battered, terrified husband who’s been Protecting The Kids All Along by... not wanting anything to do with them and twiddling his thumbs and sometimes helping as his wife tormented them? but don’t worry! he’s Good Now! because odalia is actively (and maybe knowingly) helping belos with genocide in a plan that makes absolutely no sense, even though the last time we saw her, she and her husband were in a tense standing with belos for “building their own private army.” but yeah, i guess belos just let her in on secrets only the coven heads knew. they gotta get the audience to hate odalia enough so they think alador’s new backstory makes sense.

and according to the fandom, belos take her sigil off even though there no evidence it can be taken off and though hes REALLY intent on killing everything on the isles, including the children, a grimwalker who had no magic to threaten him with, and also his most loyal servants! because like kikimora, terra snapdragon, and lilith clawthorne and even amity blight in some circles, this is an Irredeemable Evil Woman who does Evil Things and who cares if it makes sense she’s Evil and thats what matters!

and now i guess alador’s the perfect dad now. he and amity have to reconnect after the years of not talking to his own kids that his Evil Wife forced him into. and odalia is actively trying to get her husband and daughter killed now i guess, because even her previous reason of helping belos to secure wealth and status for her kids isn’t flimsy enough. and yeah they’re the exact trope of the irredeemable domestic abuser husband and the battered wife who never protected the kids but at the end turns out to Care About Them All Along and just couldn’t do anything because she was oh so terrified of her husband. except they didn’t even build it up. they built up a different much more interesting dynamic before they flushed it down the toilet to make it this dynamic. oh but the genders are swapped which makes it Subversive therefore Progressive therefore Good, i guess. i’m gonna need to write so many retcons for this mess.

#toh #the owl house #shut up pandora #<<< btw if you copy this tag im gonna block you #its happened before and i will say preemptively this is for me to indicate im rambling not for you to copy for the lols #odalia blight #alador blight #grumping #odalador #i guess?#there is no narrative coherence in retconning alador to be abused by odalia all along #there is only shitty shock value #and the fandom is especially annoying about it so i hate it even more #im an odalia has more depth than that truther #and i think she should be evil but she should also make sense #like if you didnt have enough episodes to write a blight parents divorce arc then dont write a blight parents divorce arc #i assume they needed alador to be where he was at the end of kings tide for season 3 #but literally just have king tell both blight parents whats up #and have odalia not believe him which then leads to the conflict between her and alador #make it between odalias blind loyalty to belos after a lifetime of religious cult propaganda #and aladors increasing value in his childrens opinions he got in his last episode #and in the end odalia chooses her belief in the institution over her family and disappears to wherever SHE needs to be for season 3 #without any of the retconning of the blights relationship #it even plays into the theme of religious abuse better #and also have alador be less suspicious of what belos is doing #babygirl if youre the only one suspicious at all the abomatons the emperor is ordering and your wife and everyone else is fine with it #im sorry to say...the writers dropped that on you by plot convenience #like make it fully a thing of the blight parents choosing to believe their kids over the government #and not 'alador is already suspicious of belos and then a random scout (king) tells him whats up to seal the deal'#otherwise the episode has good writing but this part makes it so bad for me hhhhhhhhh

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best-fnaf-song-competition · 11 months

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As of me sending this ask, A Pizza The Action is at 44.1% and I Can't Fix You is at 55.9%

A Pizza The Action is losing </3 so here's my propaganda >:]

I myself am a big TLT fan! I love their old songs, covers, remixes, and even TLT's newer songs! (Discord, September, Epoch, My Ordinary Life, Druck and all just a few faves that immediately come to mind for me) And AS a big TLT fan. I don't want the next round to be 3 TLT songs. I definitely don't want the finale to be ALL TLT songs

Also?? A Pizza The Action is SO SO good. It's so so good please go watch and listen to it.The production quality?! The Talent?! The Music Video?! The song itself?! It all SO GOOD

(And then listen to more Stupendium songs that aren't Fnaf bc they all slap. I love their Poppy Playtime song and I don't even like Poppy Playtime. The songs. And the costumes!! It's all so good it's so so good oh my gosh (other Stupendium songs I enjoy are The Most Fashionable Faction, What A Fowl Day, and sometimes I listen to the horror holiday songs for silly fun. And!! Android Hell Blues! Which doesn't seem to be on their channel but was written and composed by the Stupendium. Man I absolutely adore that one)

OK ok back to A Pizza The Action-

A PIZZA THE ACTION IS ONLY 9 MONTHS OLD!!! EVERY OTHER FNAF SONG LEFT IN THIS COMPETITION RANGES FROM 6-8 YEARS OLD!!!! A Pizza The Action is completely nostalgia free babey, so I'm always really proud of its progress as i know its something people aren't just voting for bc it's a familiar friend :,]

Additional notes:

1: I think it'd be really fucking cool if A Pizza The Action vs Fnaf 1 was the finale. Imagine. I wouldn't even care who won it'd be so fun

2: Sorry I keep insulting I Can't Fix You, I don't actually mind it all that much, but it killed alot of my faves, and I genuinely do feel like nostalgia has been affecting the votes for it (I think thats whats happening for pretty much any song that's 6+ years old so yknow) (don't take me seriously) (I'm just willing to die on really small hills) (and I love hating things) (I Can't Fix You is real good tho when I'm in the mood for it)

Additional propaganda (if A Pizza The Action wins)

1: More cat and kitten pictures

2: I'll show yall pics of my room which I have been working for awhile to paint like a fnaf location. I should have a floor by the time this poll is over (hopefully)

3: (bonus) I will Draw Cosmo and Circus Baby hanging out. I don't draw animatronics all that often so I can't promise much, but I will try my very best

Closing Notes: Music good. And goodnight

Okay at this point everyone has to vote a pizza the action just from the sheer amount of art people have offered to make if it wins oh my GOD

We respect artists in this house!!! Stupendium puts their whole heart into everything!!! If you didn't vote for a pizza the action please go appreciate the art that is the video and song itself because holy shit holy shit holy shit

Also! While we're talking about the other bangers they've made! My personal favorites are Find The Keys (it took me ages to realize the title was a pun and I'm an animator), The Fine Print (I don't even know the source material, the lyrics here just go Hard), and Why Did I Say Okie Doki? (HOW DO THEY SO PERFECTLY MATCH THE STYLE OF THE GAME WHEN MAKING VIDEOS also the song just slaps)

#stupendium if youre listening i love you #not a poll #ask #darling-dolly-darlene #totally forgot that you mentioned in the tags to remind you if you didnt send this as an ask #first of all thats my bad sorry #second of all 🥺 called by name in the tags? hello? friend?

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emptylotfiasco · 3 months

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my review for yakuza 1 on the ps2 it is a really good game. you should play it forever and ever. i will probably replay it one day or like get round to finishing kiwami cause it was really fun i had a lot of fun with it <3 the minigames are cool and the substories are good and the localisation is funny and worth experiencing for urself but it also like its not a haha play this game cause its so bad its fun it is acutally a good game and i liked it a lot. 10/10 ten million thoughts under the cut

first of all minigames love in heart massage parlour my favourite it is very funny. talking to prostitutes minigame is fun i completed all of them. almost. haruka cock blocked me for one of them. baseball is good it turns me into the devil sometimes but i like it. gambling. suprisingly not that bad everytime i had to do it. i wish they would have let me skip the 60 second long roulette animation because i know that is not real. crane game. AHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! moving on. slot machines. sucked but thats okay idgaf they should have figured out not to put it in subsequent games though. colliseum yeah i did it it was fine pretty typical.

substories were good i did almost all of them excepttt i missed the casino royale one because i progressed the main story too far rawr </3 oh i didnt finish the gangbusters either because i run away from random encounters as much as i can. so i also didnt fight amon. but i like how maybe because ps2 limitations and resource limitations substories were super short and simple. i think in kiwami it was mixing the longer formatted substories with what were originally very basic premises and it didnt work for me. it is what made the substories feel like a slog to me in the remake. but in this game it is easier to gaf about a simple substory when it doesnt take that long to complete. the original game had a lot of the funny ones the one where you give tissues to a guy who ran out of toilet paper in the public bathroom and the one where kiryu picks up a dead guys phone and follows every instruction given to him by a complete stranger until he is eventually hired to kill himself. and the one where tghe guy makes kiryu get all the toys from the crane machine for his sugar baby. and the one where kiryu has to talk a guy down from suicide. and there were ones that werent funny but i still liked like that one with the street artist because I thought it was cool how you can use items from that substory to complete other substories and that one really long chain of substories that takes you all over the map.

Unmm jingu is a shitty villain but I think that has been knew. I thought the story and the way it unfolded was really good until the very last few chapters where the government stuff really kicked in. I did know most of the story already but like. Some parts I liked were helping the counterfeiters at the hostess club and them saying they did a forgery for kazama 5 years ago. The body of the fake mizuki being explained by a a copycat bar that was trying to capitalise on Ares success having someone pretend to be mizuki and that person getting killed. I thought that was cool and interesting I like this level of detail in my weirdly complex crime drama plotlines. I think it was funny that he was voiced by Robert atkin downes. i liked haruka trust meter i thought it was so cute i liked increasing it by buying her things. I think Yumi is interesting and Reina <333 Reina <33 Reina <3 lalalalala Reina <3 kazama. nishiki wasn't interesting but like I've played yakoza 0 so like I know he is so it's fine. Sera... Idgaf like I kind of gaf but not really. I think maybe because the only involvement he had was the jingu stuff and jingu sucks so. That one guy that tortured kiryu. Actually that is an interesting part of his character that I have heard surprisingly little about. Who else. Oh yeah shinji. Anyways. Who else.

Majima category oh yeahhh Majima oh yeah . Majima was awesome because Majima is alsways awesome. People like to say wow can you imagine playing Yakuza 1 on the ps2 and thinking that one day people are gonna want to bone Majima. That must be so crazy so insane. My asnqwr is that you're not a real Majima fucker. I've always wanted to fuck him. I've alwayyysss wanted to fuck him. I was there from the start. And I want to fuck mark hamilljima too. There is no shame in this. I don't care how many polgyons he has the sleazy bpd princess with the steel tipped shoes leather pants snakeskin jacket eye patch knife bat and tits out is a monument to sex. When he threatens that one sex worker and he's like so what do you say you wanna be my bitch I'm like ohhhh do I. plus the whole point og his appeal is that hes kind of ugly. he was pretty in yakuza 0 because they gentrified him that is not the real majima. look at his ugly ass hair cut. hes fourty yhears old and a bowlcut on his head. So if you do nat wanna bone him then you cannot be trusted and I'm the only one allowed to fuck him sorry that's the rules. I swear I was going to actually write a review part here I don't know what happened. I'm just gonna move on.

the localisation is my favourite part of the game i really love how comically vulgar it is it gives me the same enjoyment factor as the silly writing from yakuza 0. it made the game very interesting and i would miss it dearly if it wasnt there. i liked it when kiryu said are you retarded or just deaf. and when yuya said look at you fuckhead. and when kiryu said i did have the urge to hit some balls today. seems like yours are gonna have to do. and when he said step the fuck up its time to die. i loved ten years in the joint fight. come on fucker bring that shit kazuma ten years in the joint made you a fucking pussy it made me say its kiryu time and i kiryued all ovedr the millenium tower. the delivery made everything really funny and like ueah it undercut the dramatic moments but it also made me like enjoy the finale scene with jingu because i kept laughing at everything everyone said so i think there was a net benefit. there was two scenes where i thought the english dub delivery made things funnier on purpose. one was where kiryu took haruka to the bath house and he was like its take your daughter- its a social studies field trip and the one scene where date was like lets break open the amulet and reina and haruka were like NO!! and he was like haha nevermind just kidding. and the one where kiryu explains what a bath house is to haruka was funny too. i love this va i think like. as strange as the action hero deep voice is for kiryu when u have not expereinced this game hes also so sooooo awkward. so awkward. and it wraps around to sounding very kiryu. cause like that kind of is him like hes intimidating but hes also awkward and autistic and doesnt know what a cell phone is or how to babysit a child so he lets her gamble away all his savings. by the way his ps2 model has very beautiful eyelashes.

OH YEAH. i like the combat. sorry. i forgot about the central gameplay mechanic of the whole game i got distracted. like of course it is clunky its a playstation 2 game. but it also was really fun <3 i especially liked. i forgot his name but the moveset of that guy that is like the captain of the nishikiyama family is kind of sick and it was cool to fight against. the combat in this game is the exact mixture of satisfying and so frustrating makes me want to rip the skin off my face and eat it that i love. kiwami is also like this. and i liked how short andd snappy the heat action animations were not to say i prefer them but just that like. i guess it made the fights feel fast paced and it felt just as good to do them as the overly animated ones. i liked how even hough some guys had huge healthbars fighting them didnt take ten million kajillion billion years. WAIT but fuck the komaki training i couldnt even complete it cause it was too hard. that was fucked up they were fucked up for that.

i really liked the style of this game i liked the art and i liked the models and. i looked at some of these cutscenes in a very damnn that looks good kind of way. that one post that is like ps2 is peak aesthetic is so true cause it looked really nice at times.

okay the end. do not expect anyone to read this becuse i said it all for myself. i wish i did get round to making the html copy of kiryus blog work cause that is probably where id ramble about yakuza. but i hate java script and also i dont care. so tumblr post.

#yakuza #i didngt realise typing a lot takes so much time its like 5pm now. oops. i dpnt even lnow ifthis is coherent cause i have not read it

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