#stuff gaius feels

[mayasaura]

can you elaborate on your tag meta on the socioeconomic indicators in the john backstory chapters in nona? and do you think john and G had a similar background having grown up together?

So John is a stingy ass motherfucker when it comes to definitive information, and he doesn't talk about his family or his childhood much, but what little he says when he does gives me the impression he grew up fairly poor. Probably in a community where being poor was normal.

The way John talks about his nana, it's clear he loved her in the way a child loves an adult they feel secure with. He spent a lot of time at her house as a kid, enough that playing there is one of his core memories. She may have even been his primary caretaker starting from the age of seven, because he sure never mentions having any other family. So it stands out to me that all he had to play with at her house was a box of his mother's old hand-me-downs. And while he knows it wasn't much, there's no resentment in his recollection. He didn't feel neglected.

John didn't expect to have toys of his own when he was a kid. What that says to me, as a kid who grew up on second-hand and hand-me-downs, is his family didn't buy much of anything new. It being so normal to him is also why I think he grew up in a poorer neighbourhood. Hand-me-downs are only embarrassing if you're the only one who has them.

Then there's how Nana died. Pneumonia, when John was still a teenager. Not a lot of rich people out there who die of lung infections before their grandchildren are grown.

And yeah, I do think G— had a similar background! He and John grew up on the same street, and he was (also?) raised by his grandparents. John's totally joking when he says spotting G— for mince pies when they were kids meant that of course G— would let him cut off his arm, but it's the kind of joke with subtext. Like sharing food was a big deal when they were kids. Reminds me of our Gideon being forever fond of Camilla for sharing her leftovers, and the intense barter between the children of New Rho over the lunch fruits. The childhood food insecurity of it all.

#I'm reading into ofc #there's too little info to come to any conclusions without filling in the blanks with assumptions #but these are the vibes I'm getting #and ofc there's the barbie thing which feels like it adds a dimension to John only having his mom's old stuff #like unless John's trans (which he might be who knows) he was a little boy playing with barbie dolls #in a time and place where that was not generally encouraged #but barbie dolls are what his nan had so barbie dolls are what he got #and he liked them so it all worked out #but yeah. feel like the gendering adds something to it #the locked tomb #emperor john gaius #ntn spoilers #nona the ninth

[thewhitefluffyhat]

I’m not at all a religious person, so there’s a lot to Harrow and John’s relationship that goes way over my head.

But when I’m thinking about what happens at the end of Nona the Ninth, I keep finding myself drawn to this one little interaction the two have right before Harrow starts plotting soup murders:

You stared, feeling mildly drunk and unutterably pitiful, at your repeatedly uneaten biscuit. Teacher said quietly, “You must think us all a depraved set of immortal criminals.” You said nothing. He pressed, “Harrow, do something normal. Learn how to make a meal. Read a book. Go ahead and prepare - our lives revolve around us all preparing... but take the time to rest. Have you slept lately?” It was the first time you realized God could not understand you.

Harrow the Ninth, p228

Because it's not just that John couldn't understand Harrow. At the end of the day, Harrow isn't honestly that mysterious and inscrutable, her fears and desires are very painfully human underneath the mask of her robes and face paint. And sure, while there are some key parts of Harrow's psyche that she normally keeps deathly secret, she ultimately tells John about those aspects of herself too.

And yet, even Palamedes understood Harrow better than John, and that was with Harrow giving him the cold shoulder throughout most of their interactions!

So I think, if John had made a genuine effort, he could have understood Harrow. Or at the very least, he could come to sympathize with who she was and where she came from, even if he might not be able to empathize with her extremely strange upbringing and value system.

But the thing about John is, he never cared enough to try to understand Harrow.

One of the repeated details that kills me in HtN is that no one ever asks Harrow about the significance of her face paint. Because Harrow often is expressing herself, very openly, and no one makes the slightest effort to learn the language she's speaking!

And Harrow not being given face paint in the hospital also has a very similar context to that Seventh adept who bleeds out only for John to be mildly annoyed at the whole ordeal. The guy loves making myriad-old pop culture references and yet shows less than zero interest in or respect for the present day culture of his followers. He’s so caught up in telling his own story that he never stops to consider that anyone else might have their own story too.

Which makes the flipside of this equation all the more fascinating. Because throughout HtN and NtN, the undercurrent to Harrow and John's interactions is that Harrow does not understand John either.

And yet, as we see in NtN, Harrow did try, very patiently, to understand John. She listened attentively, she asked important questions, she persisted even when he spoke in terms she had no context for. And so, in the end, Harrow could understand John, or rather, she could understand enough to decide she does not consider John Gaius worthy of being her God.

If John had made even the slightest effort to understand Harrow - or even simply respect her - he might have been able to win her back to his side. Instead, he answers her crisis of faith with a crass and shallow joke. Making it crystal clear that despite two books in Harrow’s company, he has truly learned nothing about her.

And because he did not, she leaves him.

#the locked tomb #john gaius #harrowhark nonagesimus #harrow the ninth #nona the ninth #ntn spoilers #tlt analysis #my tlt stuff #my ramblings #read more #ofc there are lots of other things going on #besides just harrow's opinion of john #but this feels like a significant part #respect is a two way street and all

[catominor]

CONSULAR ALERT: the old man is being WEIRD about the other old man

#ficposting #none of the stuff ive written so far is very good im kind of still feeling out the tone and the way i want the prose to read . but im #practising and writing out some of my more entertaining ideas and trying to feel out their precise dynamic... #also . i will probably use their praenomina in my writing for scenes where they already know each other well / are on a first name basis #but i also love how that makes it laughably nonspecific because like every 3rd roman was called gaius or lucius

[fourteentheart]

Sabaidee Pi Mai! (Happy New Year!)

I've been wanting to draw Gaius being symbolically washed of his misfortune for the new year. This is an actual tradition for actual Boun Pi Mai (New Year Festival)! It's a very lively time to go around blessing people by splashing water on them lol

The water can be scented with fresh flowers and/or fragrances. :3

#ffxiv #gaiuswol #gaius baelsar #allie baelsar #wol #wolnpc #i always feel silly drawing gaius in cultural stuff but he can partake as a treat #ace scribbles

[brother-emperors]

THIS CONVERSATION IS NOT MEANT FOR YOUR EARS

brutus, the noble conspirator, kathryn tempest

conspiracy literature in the early renaissance, marta celati

conspiracy narratives in roman history, v.e. pagan

I did an illustration with a similar composition before, but this time it’s got color and also architecture in the background because I thought it’d be fun 🏛 and also because I’ve been reading up on italian renaissance conspiracies again and ooooooooooooooohhhh every time brutus (and cassius by extension) get mentioned as an ideal or representation, I start hollering in the stands like it’s football and my team just scored.

half of this was done traditionally, mostly to see which of my markers and pens from the old art school days were dead and needed to be thrown out, so I’ll only list the traditional supplies that I actually liked using: koh-i-noor heaving drawing paper, pentel brush pen (with rapidograph ink), a singular red copic marker, various grey tombow pens, acruit technical pen (the waterproof one), and a grey staedtler

society6 | ko-fi | redbubble | twitter | deviantart

#drawing tag #roman republic tag #gaius cassius longinus #marcus junius brutus #are they (you know) conspirators? #me last night on my personal blog: idk im not feeling good about posting romans now. ive run out of my motivational reserves #me today: i might be out of reserves for dead romans BUT NOT CONSPIRACY #like ive just been to sad about stuff lately to feel good about posting anything at all but I Always Have Time For Conspiracy

[i-hardlyknowher]

This post on Twitter pointed out an amazing parallel between the new Nona excerpt and a scene in Harrow the Ninth, and I can't stop thinking about it.

The parallel in question:

The most interesting part about this, to me, is the use of wording.

In the new excerpt, the scene where A— and M— hold each other is described as "the dream". They're described as "babies".

Then, at the end of Harrow the Ninth, they "hold each other like children who'd had a nightmare". Which parallels so well with the excerpt.

Not only have they aged from babies to children, they've come to realise this life of theirs wasn't a dream but a nightmare.

#alternatively: pre-resurrection stuff = a dream & post-ressurection stuff a nightmare? #I don't have many coherent thoughts on this; just feelings :') #nona excerpt spoilers #nona spoilers #tlt #htn #augustine the first #mercymorn the first #tlt mine #john gaius #tlt theories #the locked tomb

[commanderhorncleaver]

A bit spicy, but have any of your blorbos gotten adventures with their bed mates?

I'm taking it that you mean "adventurous" here, and the primary example I can think of off the top of my head is Gaius himself!

Despite everything about his personality, when it comes to romance and sex, Gaius is a very eager-to-please person--while I don't like to say he's submissive, I think the best way to label him is that while he'd prefer to be in a position labeled 'service top' he's in reality vers as all get out and will do almost anything a partner expresses interest in if he's in turn interested enough in them.

While I'm not gonna explicitly talk about stuff here, one specific example that I already have put some thought to, and find funny, is that I imagine Gaius has his dick pierced, and it's entirely because of August's mom, who could be described as a cougar with a penchant for picking up younger partners.

#feel free to poke me about stuff though lmao #be it privately or for further discussion #cause like i don't mind talking naughty here i just don't wanna get into it on this post #horncleaver asks #horncleaver content #gaius horncleaver

[astrxealis]

AEKHBGJ PRAETORIUM. prae oh my god

#⋯ ꒰ა starry thoughts ໒꒱ *·˚ #⋯ ꒰ა ffxiv ໒꒱ *·˚ #the new changes AGHHHGJSDBGJHSBDJHG IM BHREJBAGJDJGH god that was great #incoming a realm reborn ffxiv spoilers!! ^^ #and. all the way until endwalker GJHBSJHGBJHBJGH #HBJHSDBGJH SOBS I LOVE FFXIV. going thru this again. oh man. sobs #!!! the attacks being lowkey references to yk. yeah. the actual backstory. and the dialogue is better for the buildup to that yk too oh god #the voice of laha is the same as heph in pandae!! #also HELPPSEHJSHJ THAT FUCKING SCENE. oka its so funny how we uh. run at laha BUT THE MUSIC <3 and this is funny but i love it #so fucking cringe (affectionate) that is how i feel abt arr as a whole LOL #GHSBDJHGB ... okay but that fight. it was really good. they did sm better with cape westwind and prae oh my god this is great #makes me sentimental over the past but man it rlly is sm better now! BUT MAGGIE DOESN'T HAVE A NAME ANYMORE WTF :/ #me being a lala here is SO funny to me. agh. i love arr tho. it's imperfect but i still love it #but how tf did i get thancred's body on maggie........ also gaius holy fuck. i havent seen this. since the 1st time #and now he's ... !! agh. shbhgjbhjrbjg ............ #god. but yeah the laha fight! idk. i really loved that in all honesty. + tbh i was actually like 'ayo did i die???' and that was such a #nice. but worrying feelingGHSBJHGB GHSJBJHGB GODDD I CANT BELIEVE IM GOING THRU FFXIV AGAIN TBH. this game's story #means so much to me :'< i was in a really anxiety-filled state going thru most of early arr until stb so . eah . + school #GHSBDHGBSH ALPHINAUDS VOICE HELPPPPP THE OLD VOICES THROW ME OFF + OTHER STUFF. but papalymo and yda #HGBJSBHJBDHGBH SOBS I LOVE THEM SO MUCH...... + the ascians buildup right! a lot better. fucking crying #ALSO I STILL THINK ITS SUPER FUCKING GREAT THEY PUT THE 1.0 SURVIVORS IN THE CREDITS. I FORGOT ABT THAT TBH

[asleepinawell]

the fact that the prae cutscenes are unskippable in even duty support is one of the funniest and most sadistic things square has done

#square was like what if one of these npcs hasn't seen the gaius speech yet?? what then??? #ffxiv #ffxivmp #mp #been leveling whm with only solo stuff which I know is ridiculous #just not feeling like dealing with roulette tanks #having a blast with whm though #and by blast I mean holy spam #i've been doing castrum meridianum instead of course but it'd be nice to do both #the prae fights are fun for stuff that level #tbh i'd sit through the nero cs every time because it's so funny #huh it's almost 4am how did that happen

[walkafter]

I feel hope      Deep in my bones           Tomorrow will be beautiful

#don't ask me why i take screenshots in twos. it makes me feel better idk akdnkgngk #can u tell i was. experimenting with stuff #like. i'd seen people dress up g.aius but i know his model isn't. generic #so i've been wary #but i committed! after these akdngkngk #alta. #whm. #alta/gaius. #favorites.

[abstractmelons]

sad ciaran hinds literally has a gorgeous head of hair and he was forced to play a BALDING BITCH im so sorry sweetie that they would even suggest such a thing to you

#i love u gaius julius i would be the first to stab you in the senate #feeling myself becoming onsessed with that guy again... #might go over all my first year stuff cuz j kinda need to #also i know he wasnt forced its a joke #my nonsense #hbo rome #took me 3 years but finally watching what my roman world prof suggested

[nymfaia]

more timeline fun, ft. My Ship + their bb. ft. @nossumusmanus since this ship + the ship's respective verse is fairly intertwined w/ quintus living at this point, lol

alta gets pregnant around the time of Pagl'than. either before or after. she is barely a few weeks along when Endwalker happens, and is Very Thoroughly Ill in Garlemald - something she thinks is a result of the corpses and the sheer horror of what has been done to Varis and the Tempered soldiers. It's early spring by the end of MSQ, and the snow is melting, exposing corpses that had not been able to rot in the cold, the sickened aether from the Tower making her feel nauseous and ill to her bones.

It is after their first excursion into the Tower that it truly rears it's head, and she is caught outside of camp kicking snow over the rations she failed to stomach. Jullus finds her crying and upset at herself for not keeping things together. After some encouragement, she bundles her uncertainty and despair back in, knowing she had a world to save.

(she's also sick in Thavnair, but - as she was sick from using the Aetheryte to travel there - she assumes it's just that, along with exhaustion and nerves.)

After the end of the main MSQ, Alta is quarantined in Sharlay for multiple, multiple weeks. She's still sick and she needs physical therapy and time to heal from her wounds. I think someone in Sharlay probably tried to tell her what state she was in, but she was convinced her injuries and her light aether corruption from Shadowbringers would cause the pregnancy to be a fluke. Out of fear of being known and having been cooped up for too long, she swiftly left after that to go aid the realm. By the time she leaves, she's just shy of three months along.

She visits Thavnair first, subsisting almost exclusively on mint lassi to keep her from getting too sick on the palace's tiles. Vrtra pegs her and her coalescing aether almost immediately and does his best to respect her hostility, and Alta flees to the undersea vault with her former Scion allies before the greatwyrm can truly guilt her about it. (Unfortunately for her, Y'shtola's aether sight knows it just as well. Fortunately for her, she says little and less beyond a veiled tease that the Warrior of Light entirely does not get.)

As soon as she ties up that loose end, Alta returns back to Garlemald. Her illness has gotten better, but is still off and on depending on what she's doing. A few days into the stay, she learns about Quintus' lover and their state, and both her and Jullus make an attempt to gather supplies from a deserted medical clinic. They bring back a mobile ultrasound machine, medicines, and vitamins, stopping by Tertium for a rest. They find a retired nurse there who is able to show Alta that she was still with child - and closer now to four than three months along. With Jullus, she traverses back to Camp Broken Glass to retrieve Quintus and Nerva and returns back to Terncliff that same evening.

Alta is in Terncliff for less than one moon. She dances around telling him the truth, and finally does one evening when she thinks he's fallen asleep beside her, whispering the news in his ears as if testing words on for size. By the time he fully awakens in the late morning, she's already long gone - but he knows what he heard was not a mere dream.

She doesn't return to Garlemald, but Thavnair. The tear betwixt realms is explored, the first two of the Fiends felled, and Zero returned to the Source upon their collapse. Still desperate to avoid Gaius and what response he may give her, she travels back to Ilsebard.

She teams up with Jullus and Quintus to go through the tower for supplies, and the three of them run into Nerva Galvus - or nearly do. Removing Quintus from the palace was like pulling teeth, but both her and Jullus finally were able to convince him it wouldn't end well if they stayed. They resolve to return after sharing the news with the Alliance - and, after some needling and reminders of you swore, Alta admits she's about in the same boat as Nerva (and sheepishly apologies for being a bit spicy in Endwalker and beyond.)

Alta has gone from begrudgingly eating rations and a half to starving even after two, and feels guilty that she's sapping resources from Garlemald and it's people. Using magic has become a drain on her she hadn't expected, and her stamina for traveling has lessened. After they enter the palace for a final confrontation, putting what was left of Varis to rest in a funeral pyre, she returns to Terncliff. Her state is becoming obvious to those who knew her previously. (Tataru would be happy to see Alta gaining weight again, after how thin she had become during her trip to the First. Alta firmly does not tell the receptionist-turned-tailor. Half the realm would know by sunset, and she is stubborn in keeping those who know to a bare minimum. She is nigh five months and beginning to get quite tired of people asking questions.)

It's the first time she's fully explained what all went on in Garlemald in her visits. She couldn't stomach telling Gaius the truth before, but now she feels as if it's unavoidable. He knew things had been dire, but had no idea that Zenos had treated his father so similarly to Varro and his children.

He was not there for his children. He was not there to protect Varis. There had to be something he could do to repent to his homeland, if only to close that chapter wholly and soundly behind him. Gaius decides he needs to return, if only to visit the grave of his homeland one time before it begins anew.

So he and Severa take off, leaving Allie in Alta's care and Alta in Valdeaulin's. A week of feeling bored and thoroughly harassing Valdeaulin later, Alta takes Allie on a small trip abroad, just the two of them. Allie learns of her present state: Alta, going without her facepaint, flies mostly under the radar as the two act as tourists in Kugane. They return to Terncliff about ten days later and Alta has a linkpearl call almost as soon as the airship lands; the disbanded Scions prepared to go into the Thirteenth, but were informed of issues in Garlemald with voidsent.

Alta leaves Allie in Valdeaulin's care and returns to Garlemald once more. Alongside Gaius once again, the pieces begin to fall into place for those she is affiliated with - her closeness to him as they move about the camp, his challenging gaze when she volunteers overmuch, the meals they share side-by-side - it is painfully obvious what they had gotten themselves into. Alta travels into Lapis Manalis alongside three Scions and Zero, acting as a sub-healer. The third Fiend is eradicated, and they return to the Camp with many, many liters of ceruleum.

(She is instructed to stay in the vehicle and stay warm as they load their loot, and her absolute silence on the ride back has Alisaie being a little sassy about 'the savior of the world, pouting over not being allowed to help'. She is about six months along, and, despite her apology to Quintus for being uncouth and short-tempered, she is still both of those things. It has been years since she has been disallowed to act - doing so now feels like a curse instead of a nicety.)

Alta is taken back to Terncliff with Gaius, who is still in disbelief that she's still forging ahead despite not being able to button her coat any longer. She lurks about the town for nigh on a full moon, tending to the flower field her and Valdeaulin have been growing since her first visit to Terncliff after the end of the world; and, for a moment, she's enjoying the break... before the Scions call on her once more.

The fourth fiend is in need of being dispatched. So she does as they ask, as she always has, and isn't given a reprieve to return home before they make further progress: they've figured out how to get to the Thirteenth's moon, and she's needed.

First to aid in the Aetherfont, and then to travel betwixt the stars.

While she is tired and irritable at the beginning of their adventure to the island of Haam, the surplus of positive aether is a boon after months of feeling drained. Her spells are cast with ease, her mana well feels as if it is bottomless, and for the first time since visiting Elpis, she feels as if she is hale and whole. She carries the energy through to the Thirteenth's moon, and, while relying on her shards from beyond the rift, she is able to take down the Knight in Black.

After a short stint in Thavnair to rest, she does return, one final time, to Terncliff. Despite the small town's slow pace of living and it's lack of true adventure, Alta finally decides she needs a rest. She calls the Scions and their affiliates to inform them of her hiatus and then clicks off her linkpearl for the longest, quietest stretch of relaxation she has had in over five years. She is seven moons and a handful of suns, having traversed two realms and taken down more enemies than the 'disbandment' of the Scions had promised her. She loves them all dearly, but she is tired.

Gaius still has his own linkpearl connection with Estinien open, and is kept abreast of their machinations as Alta stays willfully ignorant. He knows the biggest battle is yet to reach them - to tear down the last bastion of evil in the Thirteenth - and he hopes it is at bay for long enough for the Warrior of Light to have a peaceful last few weeks.

When they come to be, it is to her surprise - not his - that Moogle mail carriers are inundated with gifts and well wishing cards. She thought she had been quiet about it. She thought no one had found out, outside of Jullus, and Quintus, and Nerva, and Alisaie, and Y'shtola and Vrtra and - ....

#☄️ alta ; hcs. #a crown of fangs (gaius/alta.) #6.0 spoilers #6.4 spoilers #babies tw #pregnancy tw #emetophobia tw #i'm also designating seasons for stuff because. i can. and it helps me feel as if time is passing. u feel me #also absolutely making patch content timelines up. time needs to pass eventually #a.lta slowly becoming frustrated throughout the patches: THIS WAS SUPPOSE TO BE A BREAK???? HELLO??? #ive also not finished patch content yet so. ope #we're going to pretend i am. i know who we fight but that's it so. ignore the vague ending #(and dont read if you're not thru 6.4 content) #also the idea of g.aius and e.stinien speaking exclusively - that he only has e.stinien's contact info and no other scion - #that g.aius probably told e.stinien what they had and e.stinien went 'ok' and told no one. #because it's not his business. and the rest of the scions only finding out later and being mad abt e.stinien not spilling the beans is #SO FUNNY TO ME #but also like u know he sent gifts and thus v.arshahn found out and sent his own gifts which informed z.ero who was also in the market and #she told y.shtola who told g.raha and u.rianger and - #you get the gist

[aterlupus]

☕️

send me  ☕️ for a mini playlist of our muses

Together:

Flower Dance by DJ Okawari

Two Lonely People by Amer Hussein

Venger by Perturbator

Battle Theme:

Revolt from the ABYSS by Noah

Gaius vs Lovek (i.e. Lovek Boss Fight):

M19 + M20  by Yuki Kajiura from the Kara no Kyoukai Soundtrack Episode 3

Lovek vs Gaius (i.e. Gaius Boss Fight):

Ultima by Masayoshi Soken (Is this cheating? Yeah probably. If Gaius didn't want me to use this as his boss song then it shouldn't have been so good.)

#the lovek boss fight song is very very bizarrely named because the composer didn't actually name the songs #she just wrote scores for each episode in the show and named them based on how she broke up the recordings on her tracks #but i love M19 + M20 from Episode 3 #and deeply wish that person would name their songs hgjhkjlk; #revolt from the ABYSS because gaius seems to have rock guitar theme stuff and lovek having operatic theme and so both together seemed right #and the together songs are just the vibe i get of them chillin #ok i'll shut up now hgjhkjlk #enough explaining #dont feel obligated to listen to anything ofc #long post #music #playlist meme #adenial

[tiredcowboyy]

I cant stop thinking ab the idea of merlin one day post s5, where they all survived, becoming really secretive and protective of his room and not telling anyone at all whats inside. Not even gaius. He even gets a lock installed and whenever anybody asks he brushes it off with jokes like “its to stop arthur from finding me” or smth.

he also unrelatedly really hates any talk of destiny, going to war, and anytime morgana mentions her fear of her magic turning her merlin slightly freaks out.

That is until one day gaius manages to catch merlin off guard while hes rushing between the main room and his bedroom and walks in.

Only to see a whole bunch of stuff that hes never seen before.

Merlin freaks out, tries to play it off as some weird experiments and stuff hes been collecting but gaius can feel it, somethings different about these items, not wrong but not right. Not really magic either.

It takes 3 weeks of gaius pestering him before merlin breaks and explains to him that he IS A TIME TRAVELER. after the battle of camlan as we know it that lead to arthurs death, merlin did wait, he really did, but in the year 2020 when arthur didnt return for yet another global crisis, merlin broke and did spell upon spell until he figured out how throw himself back in time.

And holy shit did it work well. He managed to come back just at the perfect time to change everything that needed to be done to assure that everyone lives happily and safely, and when he realises hes done it, he decides to stay in this time. See his friends and family grow old as they should have. See arthur rule as he should have. Live the life he has been craving to go back to for centuries now.

Until a month in he realises how old everything is. Sure merlin can survive without his phone and stuff but theres a few things he really misses. Like his slippers, his potato peeler, his favourite hoodie, and especially his favourite tea flavours.

So once in a while he allowed himself to go back to the modern day and bring one thing back. He started with a scented candle, because candles exist in camelot and having one here shouldn’t mess up time right? Then moved onto a herbal tea that he knows if he traveled past the boarders he may be able to find similar ingredients.

Then he brings a new release of his favourite book series because he cant help it and realises small things like that dont change time.

And so thats what he’s been hiding away in his room, all of his modern day stuff. Ranging from trinkets hes collected over his life to his favourite scarf to his stuffed lion that he won at a fair in the 80s. He doesn’t go back often, only when his tea runs out or he really needs something, he tries to limit it he really does.

It takes gaius another 4 weeks to wrap his head around it all. Another 2 weeks after that to touch merlins stuffed lion thinking it may attack him at any moment.

He makes gaius promise to not tell a soul, offering him tea bags as payment. They have a nice system from then on, gaius would try a new flavour of tea everytime merlin returned, once in a while he would also bring a modern day snack (gaius yelled when he first tried salt and vinegar crisps).

A yell which led to leon finding out. And so a cycle began.

#merlin #merlin prompt #merlin fic #someone please write this #bbc merlin #arthur pendragon #merlin emrys #merlin bbc #sir gwaine #gaius #gaius and merlin #merlin and gaius #merlin incorrect quotes #modern au #modern merlin #time travel #time traveler merlin #time traveler #merthur #sir leon

[baltears]

incidentally im so sad the op of that one gaius trauma + hypersexuality meta deactivated. ive wanted to read it again like 6 separate times but it’s. gone 😔

#i wish i had known to save it on the wayback machine 😔 #i know the long and short of it is that gaius is hypersexual bc hes a trauma survivor and also he barely knows how to connect at all w/o sex #but it was really well put and i just wish i could read the actual words again #i remember having a real lightbulb moment about the sequence with gina bc the first several times i saw the show i didnt rly understand #what was going on there exactly. but once you put it in context of the meta it makes complete sense and also is um even sadder lol #two very very traumatized people getting some serious wires crossed and both coming out of it even worse off #but like it's definitely not a Moment of gaius being a shithead. like he is being a shithead but it's not out of idk. entitlement #if he's being self centered in that moment (which he is) it's less an issue of entitlement than of him not having enough inner resources #to really consider the needs and headspace of someone else or to consider that gina is not in a place where she can give affection/comfort #without hurting herself further #meanwhile gina is overextending herself for his sake without actually communicating that fact clearly bc she feels indebted to him #crunchy crunchy bad survivor stuff. it's so good

[that-nerd-who-writes-fanfiction]

Part 2 of the Merlin saves (tries to kill) Arthur fic

(I suck at naming stuff and I'm not putting more effort into the title than the actual fic.)

(Part 1) (Part 3)

—

When Merlin woke, fear coursed through him. Arthur, Gwen and Gaius were sat around him and he was pushed too far back into his own mind. He felt himself lunge at Arthur, hands aiming for his neck, all reservations about subtlety gone.

“Kill Arthur Pendragon!” Fomorroh screeched. “Kill!”

Merlin grasped at reality, fighting desperately again but loosing the battle. Something hit the back of his head and he collapsed again.

———

When Merlin awoke again, it was to only Gwen and Gaius, a smoke canister under his nose that made wakefulness rush through him alongside relief. The distant mantra of ‘Kill Arthur Pendragon’ still rang through his head but he was fully in control of himself.

“What is that? Arthur's socks?” He grinned, looking at Gwen smile in relief.

She stood and pulled the door open, Arthur was just outside looking anxious with a furrowed brow and red rimmed eyes.

“Arthur,” Merlin breathed, the king looked up.

“Merlin.” He whispered, standing and taking a cautious step closer. He looked to Gaius, “is he..?”

“Not permanently. It’s dormant for now, but that’s will only last a day.” Gaius said. He shivered at the thought of being dragged back under its control.

“Arthur, I’m so sorry,” he pushed himself into a sitting position on the workbench, cleared to act as a table while he was being treated.

“What happened?”

Gaius stepped forward and set a bowl of his favourite berries on the table. Merlin slid into the chair and frowned, trying to remember everything.

“The mercenaries, they were hired by someone I know. I can’t remember what his voice sounded like, but I remember knowing him.” He started, “I had my eyes closed so they’d think I was unconscious, the mercenaries were calling the man who hired them “my lord” too.”

Arthur sat down, “The traitor, do you think you’d recognise the voice?”

“Traitor?” Merlin asked, surprised Arthur was willing to think of such a thing.

“We were talking about it before you attacked me, do you not…”

He pinched his lips into a line and shook his head, “I remember fighting for control and using your voice to remind myself that we’re friends, that I’d never want to harm you, but I don’t remember what you were saying. Then… Fomorroh got way too excited about something, like the poison and the crossbow but I could sabotage it with that. It kept screaming in my head but I don’t know what happened next, the next thing I knew everything went dark.” He couldn’t figure out what happened after that.

“You broke free of the enchantment.” Gwen informed him. “Your eyes were gold, then you were shaking and you told us Morgana was controlling your mind with a Fomorroh and then said we should knock you out.”

“Gold?”

“Don’t think on it too much for now.” Arthur’s said coolly, “what happened after the mercenaries?”

Merlin nodded hesitantly, “I passed out for real, then when Morgana woke me up I was hanging from the ceiling by my wrists. She had a sort of… hovel? Like what Dragoon lived in but in the woods. Then she healed me, and knocked me out again. The next time I woke up, she conjured the snake and put it in my neck. Everything disappeared, like I was underwater but with the Fomorroh yelling that I had to-“ he looked down, glancing at Arthur and back to the half empty bowl of fruit on the table.

“To kill me.” Arthur filled in.

Merlin nodded.

“Do you remember anything else?”

He hesitated, thinking about what he could pull from the memories that didn’t feel like his own, “There’s a few things but none of them make any sense.“

Merlin shook his head, brow furrowed in anxious concentration as he tried to force the memories to surface without disturbing Fomorroh.

Arthur sighed, relaxing slightly and dropping his hands onto Merlin’s shoulders, startling him out of his thoughts by kneeling down to meet Merlin’s eyes, “You’re in no trouble, Merlin. You saved my life today, for that I’m in your debt.”

“Does that mean I finally get a day off?”he quipped without thinking.

Arthur huffed, “you can have a free afternoon after all this is sorted out, but we just want to know how to fix whatever Morgana did to you so.”

Merlin swallowed, feeling his cheeks heat. He’d seen Arthur’s charm turned on nobles and members of the court, even Gwen at one point before she and Lancelot married, but seeing it aimed at him was too much. He had no idea how to handle such a thing.

“Take a breath, and just… say whatever comes back to you.” He said, giving Merlin’s shoulder a reassuring squeeze. “We’re okay.”

Merlin took a breath, as instructed, and thought back to the time he’d been fighting against the snake.

“It would get excited whenever it thought up some plan.” He said, realising he’d said something similar before. “I couldn’t see much of what was going on, I could hear a few words when I got closer with fighting back into control but never anything important. Except for Morgana. I remember… when the knights found me, I didn’t understand why they sounded different than Morgana did. I could hear everything she said even with the snake.”

“You don’t remember what happened when we found you?” Arthur asked with a furrowed brow. The questions helped.

Merlin frowned and tried to focus. “Gwaine called me bog man. He was there, wasn’t he?” He hated how small and uncertain he sounded.

“It was me and Gwaine. Leon and the others had just got back from searching.” Arthur told him.

“You were there?” He asked, knowing Arthur wouldn’t lie but the memories all seemed just out of reach. “Fomorroh kept taunting me, telling me that you’d die believing you’d been betrayed. I managed to get a second of control then…” he frowned for a moment, trying to remember that moment it came back to him. The realisation ached, knowing what he’d missed.

“You hugged me,” he murmured.

Arthur rolled his eyes. “I was happy to see you alive.”

“I missed it,” Merlin pouted. “The first time you hug me and I can’t even remember it, I had a second when you were pulling away but then it took over again. It was more careful after that, keeping me away from control.”

Arthur frowned at him, still knelt on the floor. Merlin almost forgot that Gwen and Gaius were there too, evidently it had slipped the kings mind too because he pulled Merlin forward and wrapped his arms around him. Merlin instantly melted under the warmth and safety of it.

His arms came up and held onto Arthur’s shoulders, fingers curling into his tunic and holding on like letting go would kill him.

“You actually hugged me back this time.” Arthur huffed in a whisper, breath landing on Merlin’s ear and their two heartbeats beating against each other’s chests.

“I’m so sorry, Arthur,” Merlin told him, tears brimming in his eyes and voice thick.

Arthur’s grip on him tightened. “You did nothing wrong. You saved my life, and did all you could.”

Merlin didn’t respond, only buried his face into Arthur’s neck, dampening his tunic with the tears that hadn’t fallen and breathing in the warmth.

“I’m sorry I didn’t notice what was going on.” Arthur whispered.

Merlin shook his head, not knowing the words to say. Arthur apologising never even crossed his mind, he’d never thought about Arthur having something to apologise for.

“You’ve nothing to apologise for.” Merlin whispered, teary eyed and trembling. Arthur’s hands ran up and down his back, rubbing circles into his shoulders and holding him close like just staying there would keep Morgana’s terror away.

‘Dear Gods, please let me keep him.’ Merlin prays desperately to any forces or divine powers that still listen to him.

His grip loosens, his arms tighten around Arthur’s shoulders, palms pressing flat against his shoulder blades. Merlin knows, given any chance, he’d hold on forever and he would never let Arthur go.

But then Arthur pulls away and Merlin has to suppress a pained whimper at the loss. Arthur pushes himself up and sits on the bench beside Merlin, they’re pressed together, shoulder to shoulder. Arthur doesn’t move away and neither does Merlin, Gwen and Gaius are kind enough not to mention it.

———

Thoughts? There's maybe one or two more parts to come but honestly motivation is a struggle at the moment so please be patient

#bbc merlin #merlin #merlin emrys #arthur pendragon #guinevere #gaius merlin #merthur #merlin bbc #fix it fic #merlin fanfic #fanfic #angst and hurt/comfort #a servant of two masters #i’m bad at tagging