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kasienda · 1 year

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You Don’t Have to Pretend with Me

“Can I talk to you?”

Carapace sighed at the question. “Yeah, of course.” And he obediently followed Ladybug.

“What do you have against Chat Noir?”

“Nothing!” he denied.

She gave him a flat disbelieving look.

“He has something against me!” Carapace insisted.

“Nino, I don’t get it. You’re one of the most chill, accepting guys I know. And Chat is the sweetest! I need both of you on the team. I literally don’t have anyone else I trust to replace either of you. I need you to get along. You think you can do that?”

Nino felt like he was being chastised by his mother for not getting along with his little brother.

He nodded. “Yeah, I will try.”

It shouldn’t be that hard. Nino didn’t not like Chat Noir. He thought the dude was cool and hilarious. His sense of humor reminded him of Adrien. Things hadn’t always been tense between them. When they fought back to back during Heroes’ Day, it had felt like they were brothers.

But it was clear to him that Chat Noir wasn’t his biggest fan. The other hero had been welcoming and kind to Rena Rouge on day one, to the point of borderline flirting (and Nino wasn’t a huge fan of that even now), while he had always been somewhat aloof with Carapace.

Then there was the whole Chat Noir is stealing my girl thing. And even though he knew that wasn’t what happened, it was hard to just let go of all those feelings, especially since Chat Noir had been acting differently around him after Rocketear. And maybe he had a right to be after Nino's akuma had thrown him into a van, but it wasn’t like Chat Noir knew that Nino and Carapace were the same person, so why had he started avoiding Carapace?

With all of that, it was easy to snap at the other hero.

...

Adrien couldn’t figure out why things between Adrien and Nino had always been so easy when things between Chat Noir and Carapace felt so hard.

Like, he knew he was different as Chat, but he was far less different as Adrien with Nino than anyone else. Or he had been before Rocketear.

And now? Now, he had no idea how he was supposed to act. Had no idea what Nino wanted from Chat Noir, but it was very clear he wasn’t measuring up.

Had Nino just taken pity on him that first day of school? Maybe Adrien was irritating all the time and Nino was just too kind to show it. Did Nino actually like him at all?

“Dude, you okay?” Nino interrupted his musings.

Adrien started and looked up into warm concerned golden eyes, and sucked in a breath.

That had to be sincere, right? Nino wasn’t pretending to care. He wouldn’t have asked if he didn’t care.

“Mec! What’s wrong?” Nino asked again.

“Nothing!” Adrien lied, pasting on a bright smile.

Nino frowned. “This is clearly not nothing.”

“I…” Adrien didn’t know how to talk about any of this.

“I don’t mean to pressure you,” Nino backpedaled immediately. “If you don’t want to talk, you don’t have to. I just…” Nino pursed his lips before pinning him with a look Adrien didn’t know how to interpret. “You don’t have to pretend. Not with me. Not ever.”

Adrien nodded, but he couldn’t be reassured. Because he knew Nino was wrong.

He had to pretend when he was Chat Noir.

And he knew that he wasn’t being completely fair, that Nino thought he was two different people.

But the hurt was still there, and Adrien didn’t know how to erase those feelings when he was hanging out with Nino.

And since he couldn’t explain any of it without revealing secrets he wasn’t allowed to share, he didn’t know how to stop pretending. That’s just what he did.

…

Nino watched as Adrien walked away. He didn’t know what he was doing wrong, but Adrien was distant. He wasn’t talking to him anymore. Not about school or home. Not even about stupid stuff like the latest anime he was obsessed with. And to make it worse, Adrien gave him more and more false platitudes and fake smiles.

Adrien was treating him the same way he treated Chloe. With polite indifference.

Nino couldn’t help but wonder what he had done wrong.

Nino kept trying though. He sent Adrien a bunch of cat memes, tried to invite him out to lunch, shared some of the music that he was working on, and he had asked what was wrong so many times, Nino suspected they were both sick of hearing it.

But Nino couldn’t give up.

Because what if this had nothing to do with Nino at all?! What if something horrible had happened to Adrien and he was just like this with everyone now?

He’d have to watch Adrien the next time he was around Marinette to check, but in the meantime, Nino wanted to break something.

And unfortunately for probably everyone, it was Chat Noir who happened to cross his path first.

…

It took Chat about a moment after Carapace had snapped at him to find his voice. And if it had been anyone else, anyone besides Nino, he probably could have taken it in stride. But it was Nino and Adrien was tired of pretending everything was okay.

“What the hell is your problem? What did I ever do to you? Why do you hate me?” he demanded.

Carapace froze, his eyes wide and startled. “I don’t know!”

“You don’t know why you hate me?” Chat repeated in disbelief. That seemed kinda shallow for Nino.

“No! That’s not what I meant. I don’t know what my problem is. I swear I don’t actually hate you, dude.”

“You don’t?” Chat wasn’t sure he believed it.

Carapace slid to the ground and buried his head in his knees. He wasn’t shaking, so Chat didn’t think he was crying. At least, not yet.

“Are you okay?” Chat asked, falling into an awkward crouch near Carapace’s huddled form, but not anywhere as close that Nino would think he was pushing into his space.

Carapace shook his head, finally looking up. “I’m really angry.”

“Why?”

“I don’t know. I pride myself on being totally chill. A completely low maintenance dude. But lately, it seems like everyone is mad at me. And I don’t know why. And I don’t know how to fix any of it!”

“Who’s mad at you?”

“Who isn’t?!” Carapace snapped.

Chat was silent.

Carapace sighed and looked back at him. “Sorry. I don’t mean to unload on you. You probably don’t care about my problems. I know I’ve been a jerk to you. You’re just… larger than life, ya know? Doesn’t seem like anything can hurt you. And I…” he trailed off, not sure what he was saying.

“You’re jealous of me?”

Carapace shook his head. “No, that’s not it. It’s more like, I have to be strong for everyone. And you, you seem like you can take anything that life throws at you.”

“I’m your scapegoat,” Chat realized out loud. The tension in his body faded and he slowly took a seat next to Carapace. Closer than Chat probably would have, but not as close as Adrien wanted to. “Someone who can handle you lashing out at them.”

“Dude! I’m sorry! That’s so messed up. I didn’t even realize I was doing it. But yeah, I think that’s what I’ve been doing. With Alya, I didn’t want to be mad at her. It was easy to be mad at you instead - some anonymous hero who never seemed to like me anyway.”

“What made you think I didn’t like you?”

“You referred to me as the turtle when we met.”

“What?”

“When Rena joined the team, you were excited. You said her name and flirted with her.”

“I didn’t flirt with her!” Chat objected.

Carapace arched an eyebrow at him.

“I was just… trying to be charming. How do you know about it anyway?” Chat shook his head before the question was finished. “Right. You guys are dating.”

“Dated.”

Chat stopped breathing. “Y-You broke up?”

Carapace shrugged. “Yeah, it’s probably my fault. I guess I’m not good at this whole communication thing. I guess when I’m upset I just put my head in my shell and pretend it’s not happening.”

Chat swallowed hard and looked away. “How long ago?”

“About a month.”

“A month?!” Chat hissed. “Why didn’t… I mean, have you talked about this with anyone?”

Carapace shook his head. “There’s no one to talk to.”

“There’s no one?” The heavy sadness struck him in the chest harder than any hit he had ever taken. He had been so busy feeling hurt, he hadn’t realized Nino was hurting too.

“I’ve been pretty lonely most of my life,” Carapace said. “I was friendly with everyone, but I was never good at making friends.”

Chat drank in every word. This was all news to him.

“I thought that was changing. I made this really great friend at the beginning of last year and then there was Alya. And it just felt like everything was right. And then she broke up with me. And my best friend…” he trailed off. He didn’t even know what happened with Adrien.

“Yeah?”

Carapace shrugged. “I don’t know! He just clammed up one day. Started pasting on fake smiles the way he does for everyone else. He won’t tell me anything. And I’m scared he’s mad at me, but I don’t know what I did! And if he’s not mad at me, I’m terrified something happened to him and if he’s not talking to me, he’s not talking to anyone.”

To Chat’s horror, Nino started crying.

“I just love the dude so much,” his voice cracked. “I feel like I lost him too and honestly, that has hurt more than losing Al- I mean Rena. Fuck! I totally blew my identity this conversation, didn’t I?”

Chat burst into laughter. “If it makes you feel better, I already knew.”

Carapace’s face fell. “Oh. Is that… is that why you’ve been weird with me since Rocketear?”

“Sort’ve,” Chat hedged. It was really more complicated than a jealous Rocketear trying to thrash Chat Noir into tiny pieces.

“I’m really sorry for that whole mess.”

Chat shrugged. “Don’t worry about it. Like I said at the time, we all have doubts.”

“Even you,” Carapace echoed.

Chat shifted uncomfortably, not wanting to talk about that particular bit of vulnerability.

Carapace was kind enough not to push. Chat shouldn’t have been surprised. Nino had always been great at respecting Adrien’s boundaries. But somehow, he was.

“Well, I guess I should thank you,” Carapace said.

Chat swung his head toward Carapace. “For what?!”

Carapace shrugged again. “I don’t know. Listening? Taking my crap? Just… I don’t know… being real with me? I promise I’ll try not to unload all my baggage onto you anymore, cat dude. Just because you can take it doesn’t mean you should have to. I’m really sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Chat said.

“It really isn’t.”

This time Chat shrugged. “But in a way I feel flattered?”

“Huh?”

“Don’t get me wrong. I hate the unsolicited crit and the snapping turtle attitude. The total lack of grace or understanding when I’m late or can’t make it when you know I can’t explain anything—“

Carapace groaned, burying his face into his hands.

Chat laughed.

“But I am flattered that you could just be your raw unfiltered self around me when you couldn’t be that around anyone else. I don’t have very much of that in my life either.”

Carapace shot back up, his eyes wide behind his goggles. “What do you mean?”

“Just that I can’t afford to be myself most of the time in my civilian life. Partially because of my… umm… parents, and partly because I have to hide my identity. And I did have one friend,” Chat looked up at him then, “that I felt pretty comfortable around, but that’s been rocky lately, too.”

Carapace nodded. “I’m sorry, man. All of that is rough. What happened with your friend?”

“He doesn’t know about this half of me and it’s caused some issues. I’ve tried to pretend that everything is fine, but… I think I might have lost my best friend, too.” Chat admitted, glancing at him carefully.

Carapace nodded solemnly. “I’m sorry. I definitely know how that feels.”

“Maybe I’ll try talking to him again,” Chat said.

“Too bad you can’t just tell him who you are.”

Chat bit his lip. He wasn’t supposed to, and he definitely knew better than to ask for permission, but… Ladybug had told someone her identity. Would it really be so bad if he told Nino?

“Maybe you should try again with your friend, too,” he said.

Carapace sighed and looked up at the sky. “I don’t think I’ll ever stop trying with him, but I doubt it’ll go any different. My friend… he’s not allowed a lot of boundaries in his life. He’s scared to set them. And like, so when he does, I can’t push back. If I do, he’ll cave, like, immediately. And I’m supposed to be chill and laid back. He’s not supposed to have to try with me.”

Chat was stared at him, more than a little floored, but also a little upset at this new context.

“What?”

“Nothing. I’m just… that’s a lot of pressure to put on yourself.”

“I love him.”

“Even so, you’re only human. Maybe he needs to remember that, too. And maybe he wants you to be able to be totally yourself when you’re around him, too.”

…

Nino was waiting on the sidewalk outside the school building. Adrien’s car would pull up in exactly four minutes - the same time it did every school morning. Other people arrived and chatted with one another as they moved up the stairs. But Nino could barely pay attention to any of it, his eyes on the road waiting for the familiar white vehicle to pull up.

He tapped his toe into the ground, and he tried to keep his hands in his pockets to look more casual, but they wouldn’t stay there as he kept fidgeting.

Why was he so nervous? This was Adrien. His best friend might not be talking to him, but he would still hear him out and he was always insanely patient.

When the car finally pulled up, Nino’s heart seemed to rise up into his throat and his palms were wet with sweat. He really shouldn’t be this nervous. Adrien was going to step out of the car and give him a polite and distant smile, and then start walking beside him as they headed to home room.

Only, that’s not what happened at all. Adrien stepped out of the car, but when he did he was beaming a megawatt smile brighter than the sun. When he walked up to Nino, he offered his fist and Nino had to scramble to meet it to play out their old secret handshake that they haven’t done… in weeks!

It felt good. Like so good, and Nino laughed more in relief than anything else. Had he just imagined the last few weeks of distance and cold shoulders?

He almost didn’t want to bring anything up, not wanting to upset this return to joyous normalcy. But at the same time Nino was so confused, and he needed to understand because if he did do something wrong, he needed to understand what happened so he wouldn’t do it again.

“Hey, dude? Can we talk before we go to class?”

Adrien nodded. “I think it’s long overdue.”

And Nino was thrown and relieved all over again that Adrien wasn’t denying that there was something worthy of talking about.

Adrien led them to a storage closet where he jiggled the handle very precisely and the normally locked door just fell open.

Clearly, Adrien had used this space before.

“Dude! Did you just break us into a closet?”

“Shh!“ And Adrien yanked him inside.

Two minutes later they were sitting side by side on upside down plastic buckets in the overcrowded closet.

“So what do you want to talk about?”

Nino clutched his own shoulder, and shot a glance at Adrien who was still smiling patiently at him. This felt like such a stupid question.

“Are we okay?” Nino made himself ask.

“We’re okay on my end,” Adrien said. “Are we okay on yours?”

“Yes!” Nino assured rapidly, but Adrien raised his eyebrows as if he didn’t actually believe him. And Nino wilted. “Actually, no.”

Adrien nodded like he was expecting it. Adrien knew something was off - he still wasn’t denying everything was fine.

“Go on.”

“You’ve felt really far away recently, dude. Except for today. I feel like I keep reaching out and I keep asking what’s up, but you never tell me, which is fine if it’s other stuff. You don’t have to tell me stuff. I just… you’ve been so distant, and it feels like you’re lying. Not that I’m accusing you of lying! I just… i just feel like I did something wrong. And I… I miss you.”

Adrien put a hand on his shoulder. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to be far away and distant. I didn’t want to lie. I literally couldn’t explain what was wrong and I probably still shouldn’t.”

Nino held his breath.

“I was distant because of how you treated me.”

Nino was super confused. And it must have shown on his face because Adrien instantly held his hands up.

“No wait. Let me explain.”

Nino nodded.

“You’ve always said that I didn’t have to pretend with you, but it really really felt like that wasn’t the case.”

“Dude! I’ve always tried to just be chill and to respect your boundaries.”

“And you did… when you knew I was Adrien.”

“When I knew you were Adrien?” Nino repeated slowly, every muscle in his body was suddenly pulled tight. “There was a time when I didn’t know you were Adrien?”

This was sounding too familiar, but Nino couldn’t pinpoint why. And if the dread pooling in his gut was anything to go by, he didn’t want to.

“More than one time.”

Nino’s gut twisted further in on itself. “When?”

“When I was Chat Noir.”

Nino literally couldn’t breathe. His eyes were hot and his throat was caving in. And holy fuck.

He rolled forward, burying his face into his knees, as he tried to hold back the torrents that wanted to break forth.

He didn’t succeed. He shook like a musician just before going on stage for his first gig. But the wailing was so much worse than that.

Adrien was talking, but Nino couldn’t hear him, his mind too busy reviewing everything he had ever said about Chat Noir to Adrien, everything he had said and done to Chat Noir, who was apparently his best friend.

Adrien who was so good at taking heat and never saying anything because at home saying something always made everything worse.

Nino had always aspired to be an escape, a safe place for Adrien. And Nino had been betraying that every time he had used Chat Noir as a punching bag to lash out at when things weren’t going well for him.

“Nino!” Adrien’s hands were on his face and his shoulders, pulling him in. And Nino let him, feeling limp like a rag doll. “It’s okay now!”

Nino shook his head violently. It didn’t feel okay. Not remotely. “Dude! I’m… I’m so sorry,” he choked out.

“You already apologized,” Adrien reminded him gently.

This was why Adrien had been so happy to see him this morning. Carapace and Chat Noir had talked things out. “I know, but it feels so much worse now.”

Adrien nodded. “Yeah, it felt worse to me too. But Nino, you didn’t know.”

Nino only cried harder. “You weren’t supposed to tell me, were you?”

“Hey! This was your idea! When Ladybug finds out I’m compromised, I’m definitely throwing you under the bus.”

Nino laughed through his tears. “I’m fine with that. I would deserve it after… everything.”

“Nino, I was joking.”

“I wasn’t.”

Adrien sighed. “So, are we okay?”

Nino nodded rapidly. “If you think we’re okay, we’re definitely okay.”

“I’m uh… sorry about Alya.”

“That wasn’t your fault, dude! It wasn’t Adrien’s or Chat Noir’s.”

“I meant more that I made you feel like you couldn’t talk to me about it?”

Nino nodded. “It’s fine. I’m… not totally okay, especially when it felt like I had lost you, too. But,” and Nino pulled off what had to be the most watery smile, “I think I will get there. Thank you.”

“I love you, too, you know.”

“What?”

“You told me as Chat that you loved me as Adrien.”

Heat burned in Nino’s neck and ears. “I did say that. I didn’t know I was telling you though.”

“I know, but that’s how I knew you meant it, and weren’t just saying it to be nice to the awkward loner kid who needs friends.”

“Dude, before you joined our class, I was the awkward loner kid who needed friends!”

Adrien smiled. “But I never knew that either until you told Chat.”

“Gah! This is so confusing!” Nino complained.

Adrien grinned. “But it’s awesome, right?”

Nino mirrored the expression. “Hell yeah! Definitely awesome!”

And they stood and immediately pulled each other into a hug. And if they had been twenty minutes late to class, no one said anything.

…

“What the hell happened?!” Ladybug demanded of her earpiece.

Rena Furtive chuckled into her ear. “You’re the one that yelled at them. I thought you wanted them to get along?”

“I did! I do! But now-” She gestured to the two boys laughing their heads off as they kept trying to outdo each other with increasingly complicated stunts that they failed more than half of the time. “Now, they’re just being stupid.”

Rena Furtive laughed again. “I, for one, am glad to see Carapace so happy again. A mopey turtle is just wrong.”

And Ladybug softened. “Yeah, you’re right. A pouty kitty wasn't fun either. I’m glad they’ve bounced back.”

“Yeah, me too.”

“Now, can you please go in there and show them how it’s done since I can’t? They’re embarrassing us!”

Ladybug laughed before launching herself towards the new tight-knit duo she had on her team.

“You guys, dating or something?” she asked, as she landed next to them.

Chat Noir and Carapace shared a look. It felt like they were having a whole conversation with just their eyes, and they suddenly both grinned and nodded at one another in agreement.

“Guys are allowed to have emotionally close friends, bugaboo!” Chat told her.

“Doesn’t mean anything is romantic or sexual,” Carapace added.

Ladybug held up her hands in surrender. “I’m not judging either way. Just happy that you’re finally getting along!”

#miraculous ladybug fanfiction #platonic adrino #caranoir enemies to friends #healing friendship #post rocketear #talking it out #one shot #adrien agreste #nino lahiffe #my own content #you don't have to pretend with me

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a-little-bit-of-tradition · 2 months

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Chicago PD : 9x18 (Part 8/8) Jay scenes

#white t shirt #leader jay #talking it out #this was a great scene #jay would have been a great ongoing mentor for dante #teaching each other #chicago pd #9x18 #jay halstead #dante torres #s9 #cpdvid #jesse lee soffer #benjamin levy aguilar #video

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vivaciouscynner · 7 months

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Shared Memories

The door shut with a soft shck behind Mermista. When she entered her own living room with Catra waiting patiently on the tufted couch, she had the briefest moment of panic. Even after all these months, seeing Catra's face alone caused fear. She berated herself internally for it. She looked away trying to suppress a memory that wasn't hers.

She walked over to a chair, tufted in the same way, and sat. Catra's eyes followed her. Mermista's leg began to cross the other and then she thought better of it. Still uncomfortable, she didn't know where to place her foot. "Ugh!" she groaned, "Fuck it," and she draped a leg over the arm rest. "Look, I don't know what you want from me, okay? I know you're sorry. I know you're helping and doing better or whatever. I saw what happened to you. Your memories. They fucking haunt me now. Argh! What am I even saying!? I GET IT! Okay. We- we don't need to talk about it."

"I um-" Catra started weakly. "I wasn't here, really, for me." She sat up from her seat.

"You're here for me? Why?"

Catra cleared her throat, "I got your memories, too. Your dad- not the greatest parent to have raise you either. I just thought- I thought maybe you wanted to talk about it since, you know, you hadn't told anyone before."

"Yeah, well, more than half of all Etheria knows, thanks to Prime. There's really nothing to talk abou-"

"You never talked about it. They have your memories, but they're processing it their way. You never got it off your chest before. And I...," she stared at the floor until her eyes drifted back up to Mermista again, "I know a thing or two about what it feels like to be punished before I did anything wrong and given responsibilities that were supposed to make me fail. How your whole life was designed to make you punish yourself so they didn't have to."

"I-" Mermista began. She was trying to refute it. Trying to reason that she shouldn't show, of all people - Catra, vulnerability. The very fact that Catra was even allowed in Salineas was enough to have the people of her Kingdom question her judgement. But there she was, sitting in front of her, offering a listening ear. She scoffed. Then she pursed her lips with an added slow nod. She looked up at Catra, "He- My father tried to convince me that he was gifting me this kingdom. I barely saw him. I was 20 and the only thing I knew about this place were from the whispered rumors from my guards. He took what he got from the people and then just... left.

"My whole life had been like I was always in his way. An inconvenience that interrupted and-" she glanced at Catra who nodded and hung on to every word. "-whatever."

Catra didn't push her. She instead told her about Shadow Weaver. A memory she knew Mermista was familiar with. "It was never clear why she hated me. Even just walking by her, I could feel her getting tense, like I was bothering her just for existing."

"Yeah! Like what the fuck, right? It's not like I knew he was there. It wasn't like I fuckin' meant to bother him. I barely breathed around him, y'know? Like..., like-"

"Like you were taking up too much of his air."

"Right! I just... It was like I wasn't allowed to exist around him. And oh! But when he comes to me I suddenly have to be so grateful to him! Every time," she growled those words, "Every time he did that, I just got so angry. I hated everything and everyone because I wasn't even allowed to complain! Argh! And I hated that I got angry. I just wanted everything to be chill! And then!

"THEN, after MONTHS of telling everyone he was going to fix the Sea Gate, he sits me down for a 'serious talk'." Mermista took a moment for this. Catra already knew. It was the day Mermista was given Silaneas while he escaped. It was too important for him, the King, to stick around. "I'm a fucking QUEEN! Okay!? I had basically no staff, no guards, and a fuck-ton of people to keep calm while the Horde was at my doorstep!" Catra knew she was venting, it was fine. Mermista let out a heavy sigh, "Glad you're on our side now, shit head," she smirked at that. Catra huffed a laugh in return.

"Well I'm inside now, I'm just waiting for Scorpia to give me the signal. KIDDING! KIDDING! I'm- I'm kidding. Sorry, too soon. It'll always be too soon." Catra's face was turning red and she offered another apology.

"You're a fucking twat, you know that," she said this with the corner of her mouth rising. "It's cool. I know Adora's got you on a leash."

She laughed, "Pff fuck you."

Mermista let out a half sigh half groan that felt like forever, "Okay. You want to do a girls-night-out thing? Maybe we should get captured by some Crimson Waste losers or something and get Sea Hawk to save us."

"Not really in the mood to get burned to death on some ship, no offense, but I'll take you up on the girls night out. You think Netossa and Spinenrella could join us?"

"Sure, why not? Wait, no Adora?"

"Hm? Oh, no. I made the mistake of not believing how Adora gets when she's drunk and uh, kinda not the vibe I was going for tonight, y'know?"

"Drunk She-Ra?"

"Drunk She-Ra. She is really strong."

#spop #Catra #Mermista #talking it out #after the war #my fic

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random-xpressions · 9 months

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And then for some reason I became content, talking to the stars in the sky, to the flowers blooming on the earth. Were they responding? I do not know, but I'm certain at least they were so silently listening, and with such patience, that I would continue as such for hours. Not a word nor a sound came off from me, yet they heard...

Random Xpressions

#talking it out #universe

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bobbie-robron · 1 year

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Seb… sorry, my stupid mistake, is sleeping soundly. Not that you’d care.

I’m sorry… for saying all that. It’s not true.

Mini set

03-May-2018, episode 2

#robron #robert sugden #aaron dingle #talking it out #a sharp tongue in frustration from aaron toward robert #we keep talking and work it out together #i am self-obsessed #there are some positives with liv in juvie #20180503 #episode 2 #robron episodes 2018

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metal-bubble · 1 year

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One of my clients said to me today..

"if no one close to him knew how bad it was, has anyone considered that he was actually m*rdered?"

And it lowkey blew my mind.. bc i never once thought that. Even tho i really dont think that happened, i literally never once thought that.

Idk if it was just me projecting 2017 on this too much, or if it was me just feeling this deep feeling that he was capable of hurting himself. (Which i hate and hurts me to even admit.)

In all this confusion and darkness, it felt oddly nice to be shown any other way of thinking, even if i dont really think that its a reality. Its silly to find comfort in a simple idea that maybe, just maybe.. moonbin could have not suffered or hurt himself.

#just me talking #moonbin #astro #talking it out #grief

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nosaladallowed-ao3 · 2 years

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@deathishauntedbyhumans

#talking it out #deathishauntedbyhumans #Sarah black #John Hartley #Nolan booth #red notice #red notice ot3 #boothbishops

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seymours-little-shop-of-horrors · 2 years

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I guess I'm Exhibit A that interacting with antis absolutely does NOT help with dropping the label. At least, aggressive antis who 1. crosstags and 2. actively harasses proshippers (yes, dming people to do something they don't want to do and replying to people in the proship tag are harassment) DID NOT do it.

#but also i guess it's part of my personality too #i do better with 'introspect and reflect' rather than just #Talking it out #antiship

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bronzetomatoes · 3 months

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Why dont we all look at Andy

#look anika's talking!#it gets rough out here #(not any specific fandom. this is a general statement)#anika famous moment #greatest hits

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a1sart · 3 months

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if there's one thing this last episode has affirmed for me about Alastor it's that he FUCKING HATES being reminded that he's not the most powerful creature in hell.

Like, he hates being ignored by Carmilla when she says she doesn't care why he was gone

He hates Lucifer ON SIGHT

He threatens to KILL Husk when he dares to mention that Alastor is working for someone more powerful than him

and now this.

Alastor freaking out because he almost died. Something almost killed him. He can fucking die. There is something more powerful than him out there. And it's not something he can ignore or brush off because it almost killed him.

Alastor hates the reminder that he's not as powerful as he tells people he is. He isn't indestructible, he isn't invincible. And he fucking hates that.

#hazbin hotel #hazbin hotel spoilers #al talks about things #OUUGH HE'S MAKIN ME INSANE #he isn't blorbo yet #but he could be #anyway I've seen people say that he's freaking out because he's realizing he maybe does care #No???? that's not it???#He's scared because he just got the shit beat out of him by an angel???#He got reminded that there are things out there that are more powerful than him?#that's why he immediately jumps to trying to figure out a way out of his deal #because he wants to get out from under whoever is more powerful than him!!!#hazbin hotel alastor #hazbin alastor

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jakeperalta · 2 months

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I'm curious. what job would you do if money was no object (you just automatically had an income you could live comfortably on)? including work like volunteering, studying etc. please share in the tags :)

#under this premise part time work is valid too!#personally i think i'd probably study. maybe do another masters maybe part time across two years this time #if i were to do a job job i think i'd try out working in a library (ideally an academic library). which would technically be more studying #since i'd need to get a library qualification first #i'm just very curious what people would choose if it was purely a choice of what appeals to you over the practicality/necessity #talking

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panstarry · 17 days

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heads up: this games charity bundle was finally approved on itch.io! it opens this friday, april 12th, and will run for a week. all proceeds will go to the Palestinian Children's Relief Fund.

you can check out the bundle on itch.io and follow @vgforpalestine on twitter for more updates!

—

EDIT: as of april 20th, 2024 this bundle is now live!!

#free palestine #itch.io #charity bundle #video games for palestine #palestinian relief bundle #pan talks #just got the email that the project is finally live after a couple tehcnical hiccups and itchio road bumps here and there #they said we could share so i figured i'd post abt it here on tumblr since it appears that they're not on here o7 please boost!#i have a zine in this one but please be sure to check out all of the work

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ibtisams · 4 months

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A report just came out from a Palestinian hostage saying he was strapped with bombs and sent into a Hamas tunnel, with Israel prepared to blow the tunnel up with his body if fighters were found inside and yet people are still making the “Hamas uses human shields” arguments that have been confirmed to be a myth with no supporting evidence

#the hostage also said the same thing happened to a 15 year old boy hostage #both of them did survive as they were pulled out of the tunnel when no fighters were found and then released a few days later #the amount of people (including the US president) who still talk about the Hamas human shields is alarming #since no one has evidence of it and we have more then one piece of evidence of Israel using human shields #palestine #🦢

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tearlessrain · 1 month

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please help me- i used to be pretty smart but i’m having so much trouble grasping the concept of diegetic vs non-diegetic bdsm!

gfkjldghfd okay first of all I'm sorry for the confusion, if you're not finding anything on the phrase it's because I made it up and absolutely nobody but me ever uses it, but I haven't found a better way to express what I'm trying to say so I keep using it. but now you've given me an excuse to ramble on about some shit that is only relevant to me and my deeply inefficient way of talking and by god I'm going to take it.

SO. the way diegetic and non-diegetic are normally used is to talk about music and sound design in movies/tv shows. in case you aren't familiar with that concept, here's a rundown:

diegetic sound is sound that happens within the world of the movie/show and can be acknowledged by the characters, like a song playing on the stereo during a driving scene, or sung on stage in Phantom of the Opera. it's also most other sounds that happen in a movie, like the sounds of traffic in a city scene, or a thunderclap, or a marching band passing by. or one of the three stock horse sounds they use in every movie with a horse in it even though horses don't really vocalize much in real life, but that's beside the point, the horse is supposed to be actually making that noise within the movie's world and the characters can hear it whinnying.

non-diegetic sound is any sound that doesn't exist in the world of the movie/show and can't be perceived by the characters. this includes things like laugh tracks and most soundtrack music. when Duel of Fates plays in Star Wars during the lightsaber fight for dramatic effect, that's non-diegetic. it exists to the audience, but the characters don't know their fight is being backed by sick ass music and, sadly, can't hear it.

the lines can get blurry between the two, you've probably seen the film trope where the clearly non-diegetic music in the title sequence fades out to the same music, now diegetic and playing from the character's car stereo. and then there are things like Phantom of the Opera as mentioned above, where the soundtrack is also part of the plot, but Phantom of the Opera does also have segments of non-diegetic music: the Phantom probably does not have an entire orchestra and some guy with an electric guitar hiding down in his sewer just waiting for someone to break into song, but both of those show up in the songs they sing down there.

now, on to how I apply this to bdsm in fiction.

if I'm referring to diegetic bdsm what I mean is that the bdsm is acknowledged for what it is in-world. the characters themselves are roleplaying whatever scenarios their scenes involve and are operating with knowledge of real life rules/safety practices. if there's cnc depicted, it will be apparent at some point, usually right away, that both characters actually are fully consenting and it's all just a planned scene, and you'll often see on-screen negotiation and aftercare, and elements of the story may involve the kink community wherever the characters are. Love and Leashes is a great example of this, 50 Shades and Bonding are terrible examples of this, but they all feature characters that know they're doing bdsm and are intentional about it.

if I'm talking about non-diegetic bdsm, I'm referring to a story that portrays certain kinks without the direct acknowledgement that the characters are doing bdsm. this would be something like Captive Prince, or Phantom of the Opera again, or the vast majority of bodice ripper type stories where an innocent woman is kidnapped by a pirate king or something and totally doesn't want to be ravished but then it turns out he's so cool and sexy and good at ravishing that she decides she's into it and becomes his pirate consort or whatever it is that happens at the end of those books. the characters don't know they're playing out a cnc or D/s fantasy, and in-universe it's often straight up noncon or dubcon rather than cnc at all. the thing about entirely non-diegetic bdsm is that it's almost always Problematic™ in some way if you're not willing to meet the story where it's at, but as long as you're not judging it by the standards of diegetic bdsm, it's just providing the reader the same thing that a partner in a scene would: the illusion of whatever risk or taboo floats your boat, sometimes to extremes that can't be replicated in real life due to safety, practicality, physics, the law, vampires not being real, etc. it's consensual by default because it's already pretend; the characters are vehicles for the story and not actually people who can be hurt, and the reader chose to pick up the book and is aware that nothing in it is real, so it's all good.

this difference is where people tend to get hung up in the discourse, from what I've observed. which is why I started using this phrasing, because I think it's very crucial to be able to differentiate which one you're talking about if you try to have a conversation with someone about the portrayal of bdsm in media. it would also, frankly, be useful for tagging, because sometimes when you're in the mood for non-diegetic bodice ripper shit you'd call the police over in real life, it can get really annoying to read paragraphs of negotiation and check-ins that break the illusion of the scene and so on, and the opposite can be jarring too.

it's very possible to blur these together the same way Phantom of the Opera blurs its diegetic and non-diegetic music as well. this leaves you even more open to being misunderstood by people reading in bad faith, but it can also be really fun to play with. @not-poignant writes fantastic fanfic, novels, and original serials on ao3 that pull this off really well, if you're okay with some dark shit in your fiction I would highly recommend their work. some of it does get really fucking dark in places though, just like. be advised. read the tags and all that.

but yeah, spontaneous writer plug aside, that's what I mean.

#I found their original stuff while I was researching various waterhorses and their folklore for no reason #because one of the characters in their original work happens to be an each uisge #and then it turned out it ALSO included a lot of figures from welsh folklore in general #so yknow if you happen to have my incredibly specific hyperfixations you'll love it but even if you don't it's great #I didn't mean to bring up phantom of the opera so much it just happens to be very relevant to a lot of my talking points #I haven't actually seen it in years

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