#tf2 money to burn

[papasdelalibertad]

Sketches that i did with no reference but its late and i think the mistakes makes it more beautiful or smth

#How would the shipp be called anyways #i have a whole fanfic on my head and its such a experience to read it over and over again #the administrator would be the number one hater fr #ANYWAYSSSSS #tf2 #tf2 pyro #my art #tf2 saxton hale #saxton hale x pyro #i have a suggestion #burning money it is #tf2 money to burn

[gibbyrockeater]

he has lead poisoning along with 7 mental illnesses and hates anyone who wasnt born in the USA and that's honestly relatable

#tf2 #i wanna hit someone with a rock #dick cheney made money off the iraq war #family guy funny moments 675555 #OH MY GOD IT BURNS PLDAXE HELP ME PLEASE HSLP!!! HELP!!

[prettyboypistol]

I love your writing so much!!! Could i perhaps request... to dom the boston man again... i dont really care when or where or how or what i just really wanna SQUEEZE HIM!! thank ya kindly continue doin what your doin

TF2 Scout x M!Reader || Daddy Issues +18

[Bottom!Scout/Top!Reader][Drunk Sex][Semi-Realistic Mentions of Prep Before Sex][First Time][Mildly Rough Sex]

Mentions of: - VOMIT(nothing graphic) - DRUNKEN HAZE INTO A MAKEOUT - DUBCON(both of yall are consenting, but drunk)

A few shots of tequila into a neutral zone day had you and Scout looser and over in a much better mood than usual. While Scout had devolved into an ego contest with the enemy Scout, you sat there merely watching him as you idly chatted with the other team's Sniper. He was a lot more friendly than your Sniper was- ever the isolationist he tended to be. Nevertheless, Sniper chuckled and leaned closer to you with a knowing glint in his eyes.

"Y'know, I'm not one to judge, but there's a good chance you might get lucky with him if you play your cards right." He murmured lowly, as if the words he spoke were dirty and filthy for public manners. They were, in a sense, but still. This was a meetup of men who openly murdered each other for fun and for money, acting as if they were good friends.

You chuckled and rolled your eyes. "Yeah, just like how my Spy nearly stabbed you not 20 minutes ago for offering to buy him a drink?"

"I just need to work him a bit." Sniper retorted. "I can tell he loves the danger of a survivalist- he's just too wound up to admit it."

"Wait, really?" You asked as you furrowed your brow. "How do you know that?"

Sniper laughed.

"I stole a few psych books from my Medic a while back to occupy my time with, one was a psycho-sexual connection thing all about how people get off to things that bother 'em. Like how your Spy just needs a man like me to throw him around." Sniper chuckled and dropped his voice a tad as he noticed your gaze land on your Scout again. "Or how Mister "pay attention to me" over there wants to call you Daddy."

You jolt away from Sniper, which nearly caused the stool you sat in to fall over behind you. You look at him incredulously, perhaps with a little glare, and make a tad flustered goodbye as you left your seat.

"Just try it out mate." You heard him say from behind you- that stupid smile still probably on his face. You didn't have time to spin around and flip him off, as Scout bumped into you with a slurred smile. Ah hell, what's one more shot?

Well, one more shot had you coming to as you felt a slight bit colder, your back was up against a wall, and there was a wet sensation in your mouth and over your lips; was that your tongue in your mouth? The noises around you blurred together strangely as you tried to figure out where you were. It sounded like another person was with you, a little bit at least. Your world still spun around slightly.

"-been waitin' for ages to do this-" You heard a voice say as a warmth pressed further against your chest, more than it already was, anyway.

"Scout?" You muttered, you felt your jaw have weight that you never knew it had before. God, you felt tired.

You pushed the body away from you, moving to sit down on the nearby bed to get a grip on your world before you did anything stupid.

"You okay dude?" Scout asked as he sat down next to you. You wanted to kiss him so fucking bad jesus christ-

"Sorry, my head's a bit fuzzy, I- uh, I need to sit down for a second." You breathed slowly as your vision finally started to make sense.

"Awe, drink too much?" Scout chuckled. "I'da thought you puked it all outta you a few minutes ago!"

"That- what? That's not how being drunk works?" You mumbled out as you snagged Scout's water bottle and took a few sips. The room temperature water never tasted better to you as the lingering taste of burning booze in your throat washed out for a moment.

You turned to look at Scout properly once you finally gained your vision back well enough to understand where you were. Scout had taken off his shirt and scooted closer to you with a weak smile.

"Do you still wanna do this?" Scout asked softly. You nodded, impulsively pushing Scout onto his bed with a rather forceful and overpowering kiss. Scout whined as he wrapped his gangly legs around your waist, the friction made your cock throb in need from an erection you didn't know you had.

You finally took the pleasure into your hands, intentionally seeking out your release as Scout whimpered and moaned from your touches. You could feel the bumps of Scout's ribs through his chest as his heart pounded in his chest.

"You've got my full attention babyboy, tell Daddy what you want." You groaned softly against Scout's neck as you placed a rather claiming kiss to the runner's throat. The words seemed to have an effect on Scout, as he thrusted his hips against you with a squeak. As you pulled away, your boytoy let out a protest, but you grabbed his face with one of your hands and glared at him with a domineering edge.

"Always whining like a brat to be looked at, well? What do you want?"

"Oh god- yeah, uh-" Scout spluttered. "God, I need you inside me."

With a few awkward shuffles and a removal of Scout's boxers and your drawstring pants, you were guided to Scout's ass as he retold the story about how you two stumbled through a mini enima-esque ritual which resulted in you puking into Scout's bathroom trashcan and Scout nearly passing out due to laughing too hard. Scout handed you a jar of vaseline, as he devolved into a little fit of giggles as he remembered the sight of you.

Although, the moment your finger pressed against him and slipped the first knuckle inside, Scout stiffened and gasped at the cold touch of the lube and your hands. You knew what to do, you've had sex before with other men; Scout acted and whimpered as if he hadn't.

"First time, prettyboy?" You laughed.

"I mean, with a guy like you, yeah." Scout nodded into his pillows.

"Alright, I'll be a little kind with you."

"Nah nah, fuck me up! I can take it!" Scout goaded as he pushed his ass deeper against your fingers with a groan. "I've been doin' this to myself for ages! Also- can I actually call you Daddy? Please?"

Well, who were you to deny your babyboy?

It was rather quick before you pressed inside of Scout, with the sweet gangle of limbs and attitude whining at just the head of your dick inside him. You weren't massive or anything, but the whimpering certainly boosted your confidence.

Little thrusts were protested against as Scout begged for something deeper and gut-twisting.

You laid against Scout's back as you set a mean and harsh pace, your mouth right by Scout's ear.

"You've got Daddy's eye, c'mon, what's it you've been wanting to say?" You couldn't help but tease as Scout barely slurred out a coherent sentence between his moans and whimpers as he jerked himself off haphazardly.

"Oh god- oh fuck, Daddy jus'-t!" Scout wailed as his bedframe rattled against the wall. The resulting banging on the wall from a rather unimpressed Engineer, but you paid no mind as the tight squeezing around your dick was more desirable to think about than the lecture you were gonna get tomorrow.

"That's it Scout, say my fucking name."

Scout let out a silent scream as you pulled his hair. With a keening whine and choked gasp his body shuddered as his orgasm knocked both of you for a loop. The feeling of Scout around you, the way he begged for you to ruin him, hell, even the shots you did loosening your inhibitions culminated in you pumping only a few shallow times as you pulled out to shoot your semen over Scout's lower back with a sigh of relief.

You didn't drink that much, hopefully you both would remember tonight.

And even if you didn't, the mess you both woke up to was more than enough of a reminder.

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #fanfiction #tf2 x reader #scout tf2 #tf2 scout #tf2 scout x m!reader #tf2 scout x reader #tf2 smut #team fortress scout #tf2 mercs x reader #tf2 mercs x male reader #prettyboy pistol

[thebearme]

Any tf2 headcanons?

I was hoarding this ask for when I have alot of hcs but I now realize that that was an awful idea becuz now there too much going on in my brain. So I'll tell you the ones I can remember rn.

(btw this is gonna be a mess of silly and sad contention into a blender, so sorry for any whiplash)

Everyones business last name is TF2. It's canon, Ms Pauling said so.

Scout and Ms Pauling have one thing in common, they're simps for women out of their league and it's sad.

My current idea of the plot is that Ms Pauling is now the new administrator and the mercs are still working for her but now instead of a war they are now a Hire-A-Merc organization. Why, so they can pay the blood pact that the old administrator got them in from Abraham Lincoln.

The team is a merge for BLU and RED team members.

BLU: Scout, Medic, Soldier, Engineer | RED: Heavy, Demo, Spy, Sniper, Pyro

Engie has an gaming channel.

Engie is a little person. (you can't convince otherwise LOOK AT HIM)

Engie does his own surgery, not that he doesn't trust Medic. He just doesn't trust Medic. He has more trust that in his drunken state he could chop his arm off cleaner than Medic because of his god complex.

Engie says trans rights.

Engie has two moods: Wholesome bumpkin or manic "i am better than all of you".

Medic and Heavy are married. (but to be fair thats just canon)

Medic never had a medical license but he did go to school... for animal care.

Medic has a Doctor of Veterinary Medicine degree and lied ALOT to military when he got drafted to get out safely.

He got a nazi skeleton and dead parents out of that.

Medic burn his documents so now the only people that knows is the people he tells like Heavy.

Medic only have two reasons for being here- 1) to experiment on everyone. 2) Heavy

Medic eats like a cat eating a dragon fruit. And so does Archimedes.

Medic is the definition of "no rules no boundaries he doesn't flinch at torture and sells blood for money. He's your new best friend."

Medic is slowly going more insane with time and can't tell if it's because he sold his soul to the devil or because someone is secretly fucking with him. (it's Spy)

Heavy met Medic before joining the team.

Heavy has a cooking channel.

He's a masochist. (he has too if he's with Medic.)

Heavy will kill Soldier before he starts having kids with Zhanna. He's still not ok with him.

Heavy has lots of cute moles on him. (Medic makes sure to kiss each one and make sure they're not lethal.)

While Im at it Heavy family is cursed to fall in-love with insane men.

Pyro-vision is just Pyro going through a heat stroke.

Pyro is the leader of the hate spy club.

Pyro has kids that live in the ocean with his mermaid wife. Don't ask how, it's Pyro.

Engie and Scout are the only ones that understand what Pyro is saying completely.

Engie adopted Pyro unofficially but that's his son right there.

Soldier and Zhanna are gonna have twins.

Soldier and Demo had kiss once- with their socks on.

Medic did a blood test on Soldier and he actually is not 100% American, he doesn't know and everyone intends it to stay that way.

Soldier and Scout actually know each other from before getting hired by BLU. They were comrade in the 100,000 new men program in Vietnam.

After Scout left in general discharge from a land mine incident he thought that would be the laat time he sees him. He was wrong.

Don't worry they're chill, well as chill as man can be when their hand is somehow a magnet to your neck.

Sniper is a social smoker.

Sniper is like a lizard, he doesn't fuck with the cold.

Sniper is younger than Scout. He just spent too much time in the sun and now he looks like a divorce 40 y/o dad struggling with his mortgage. Or just a brown Adam Sandler.

Sniper got those old man bones AKA my bones. His knees be cracking down the hall.

Sniper hops round different peoples places for the holidays. He spent the most time at Engie's house with Pyro; he had spent a Christmas or two with Scout's family but a "certain someone" doesn't appreciate the bushman there and ruining his holiday with his family.

When Scout has to give directions or details of the area he just draws it. Because NO ONE understands this mans writing.

Scout's life mission is to be Gods greatest gift and not just for the women. Like the bible said "a hole is a hole"... or atleast thats what Scout remembers from church.

Scout while being illiterate CAN speak Spanish, Italian, Vietnamese and French. (but he doesn't remember where he learned french from tho.)

Scout is resistant to radiation at this point.

Before becoming a merc, Scout was working at a diner that fitted him quite well.

Waffle House at the graveyard shift.

Scout's fuckboy attitude comes from daddy issues while Spy slut attitude comes from mommy issues.

Spy came from a rich family until he ran away to help in the war effort and became a spy. He doesn't regret his decision nor miss his home but does wish he did a proper goodbye to his brother.

The reason Spy has teeth capsules in his mouth to begin with is because one time him and a his fellow spy were getting torture by the enemy by having their teeth removed. Now all his teeth are fake.

Speaking of teeth, Scout got his buck-teeth from Spy.

Spy HAS gotten lungs transplanted several times from Medic because this mf refuses to chill out and get help with his smoking problem.

Spy is gender fluid.

Spy is a furry.

Demo is going to kill him one day.

That day is when he finds his DA account.

#ask #team fortress 2 #tf2 #team fortress 2 headcanons #tf2 headcanons #ms pauling tf2 #heavy tf2 #sniper tf2 #demoman tf2 #medic tf2 #spy tf2 #soldier tf2 #scout tf2 #pyro tf2 #engineer tf2

[jamisonwritestf2trash]

[Alarm meme sfx] [breaks door] Hallo! I have come up with a suggestion for you!

Which rhythm games do the mercs play, or would play? And why?

There's a lot of different mechanics —such as judgment lines, kinds of notes, spam— and characteristics to explore and compare, so go wild! I'll add some links as guidance: Arcaea, Phigros, Lanota, and Project SEKAI.

Take care! > ◡ <

What Rhythm Games Do The TF2 Mercs Like and Why?

————————————————————

Hello to you too! This is such a cool ask! Also, mutual appreciation comment: Love you and all the kind reblogs from you 🫶🏻

————————————————————

I haven't played a lot of rhythm games, so I hope you like these 😭

————————————————————

Gotta get this out of the way, the reason they all love these games besides the reasons specified is because of the praise. These guys are so desperate to be told they're doing a good job it's crazy.

————————————————————

Demo- Rhythm Heaven, this man loves cute things. He definitely gets upset about the issues that come with a lack of depth perception. He makes it work, though, and always tries and has fun regardless of if he does well or not.

Engineer- Dance Dance Revolution. He's insane. You'd think a middle-aged man who's used to sitting, sketching, designing, and creating things in his room wouldn't be the best at DDR, but he's so good. He loves to dance!

Heavy- Arcaea is one that he really likes, but I don't think he has a favorite. Rhythm games are hard for him. There's lots of room of error. He loves how like absolutely hard the music in Arcaea goes, so he'd definitely pick that one a lot more than others, if he had to choose.

Medic- Lovebirb. He loves music (so he's already a fan of rhythm games), and now he can add birds into it!? Sign him up. He adores the art style and the idea of birds finding love. It's beautiful to him!

Scout is a killer at Beat Saber. It's almost scary. Once he gets focused on it, good luck beating his high score. So quick tie into another headcannon, Medic loves music and has tried to play Rush E multiple times and struggles, (Ik Beat Saber and acutal instruments are different but like omg they all look super hard.) Scout on second try did Rush E perfect on Beat Saber. Medic was mouth agape. He's a fan of having to spam things. He loves quick moments because he's always in need of a way to burn off energy. (This man is so Jerma coded I'd be so wrong not to say he didn't play the same game Jerma played with Miku even if it isn't a rhythm game 😭).

Sniper- Osu! Laser accuracy. He could be playing the hardest level out there and is pinpointing it perfectly. He is the worst to try and play against. He's almost as bad as Scout, but Scout doesn't really get why people are so shocked at how good he is. Sniper is smug about it.

Spy- Just. Dance. King. This man has played every just dance game out there. He's too good at this game. It's worrying. He's not even really a good dancer or anything. But this man has every dance locked into his memory. He loves the songs and also likes the idea of being a pop star, but he won't ever admit that.

Soldier- Guitar Hero. This man can shread on the guitar. Like Spy and his pop star dreams, he loves the idea of being a rockstar, but he's willing to admit that. I actually think when he was younger, he saved up money and bought himself a guitar and an amp and used to play it all the time. But as he grew up, he didn't have time for it. But now, anytime someone brings up video games, he's super excited to whip out the plastic guitar.

Pyro- Melatonin. Genuinely not a fan rhythm games. It's a sensory overload. Loud noise, lots of movement, and too many things to pay attention to. (Just like me fr). The minute they saw Melatonin, they were thrilled and fell in love instantly.

————————————————————

I'm sorry if this wasn't as good as my other's. I had a hard time with this bc I don't play rhythm games 😭 it was still super cool to do!

#tf2 demoman #tf2 engineer #tf2 heavy #tf2 medic #tf2 scout #tf2 sniper #tf2 spy #tf2 pyro #tf2 headcanons #tf2 hc #tf2 #team fortress headcanons #team fortress 2 #tf2 soldier

[emmettkane]

I played Frostpunk, long post time

First off, context: I've been playing video games since forever, and I'm only good at shooters because Halo and TF2 ate up most of my youth (no I don't ship any of the mercs I'm sorry). As far as other games go? Eh, I try my best.

Anyway, it's a challenging game, but you don't need to be an elit3 pr0 g4m3r to enjoy it, and by enjoy it, I mean hastily choose to send young children to the mines because you feel a desperate need to Complete The Tech Tree, not because you actually must. Plus, it has a wide variety of difficulty options, letting you balance specific gameplay elements to your preference. What the game does best, however, is atmosphere. An orchestral soundtrack that's raw and desperate, that speaks of brutal reality and shallow, distant hope, with a feeling that evolves as you get closer and closer to the end game, and grows fervent to match. The visual aesthetic is equally barren: ramshackle, cobbled buildings, ragged clothing, every structure packed too-close together around the generator, hands clasped for warmth, frostbite setting in even as you burn through the last of your coal reserves to stave it off. Whether you play it on higher difficulties to face down a genuine apocalypse, or on lower settings to enjoy the rush of staving off the inevitable, this game has a lot to give, and just as much to take. I think I almost got my money's worth just from the opening cinematic though...fuckin, chills, man.

#review #frostpunk #game #video games

[emmetofthestars]

im not quite sure if tf2 robots just kind of inhale cash but it'd be really funny if they could keep running via a coin on a string thats inserted and pulled like ppl do at arcades lol

i do believe that the bots run by burning paper cash as a substitute for regular fuel. either as a comedic explanation for why they drop cash ingame, or because gray just has so much money that buying fuel/coal would cost more than if he burnt the money itself. but it would be funny to imagine they scan a coin and r like "oh boy! money! lets keep goin"

#emmet answers

[mstophattii]

TOMORROW IS THE DAY

TOMORROW IS THE DAY WHERE I CAN FINALLY GET RID OF THE TRADE HOLD THING

DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS??

IRRESPONSIBLE TF2 SHOPPING SPREE!!

I WILL BE BUYING PLENTY OF HATS, WEAPON RESKINS AND TAUNTS AND NAMETAGS AND

SCOUT SHIT!!!!

ALSO I'LL BUY THE FUCKING WEEZER SIGN IM SORRY

AND I'LL BE GOING TO FUCKING TOWN WITH THE NAMETAGS!!!

"this shot will make you even GAYER!!!" IS SUCH A FUCKING BALLER NAME FOR A CROSSBOW

I ALSO HAVE PLENTY OF NAME IDEIAS FOR MY MAD MILK BUT IF ANYONE FINDS OUT WHAT THEY ARE I'LL BE GOING TO FUCKING HELL

AND DONT FORGET THE FUCKIT OF DICKING TAUNT!!

(I LOVE HIM AND HIS LITTLE CHICKEN BUCKET!!!)

THE FUCKIT OF DICKING TAUNT IS ODDLY CHEAP, I HAVE 0 CLUE WHY!! (i still love it though)

ALSO IM BUYING A STRANGE PRETTY BOYS POCKET PISTOL BECAUSE FUCK YOU!!!!!! ALSO PLEASE BUY A STRANGE WINGER SHOW THE WINGER SOME LOVE ITS LIKE MY GO TO SCOUT SECONDARY ITS GREAT AND ITS STRANGE IS ODDLY CHEAP EVEN THOUGH ITS GOOD

ALSO IM BUYING THE THREE RUNE BLADE BECAUSE EAT MY ASS!!

ANYWAYS THAT WAS IT!!! I LOVE MONEY!!!

(AWESOME MONEY FOR AWESOME PURPOSES)

ALSO DO YALL WANT ME TO SHOW THE STUFF I BOUGHT TOMORROW?? (i randomly buy shit just cause i felt like buying shit so expect surprises!!)

#tf2 #team fortress 2 #team fortress #tf2 scout #TF2 SHOPPING SPREE BITCHES #YEAH MONEY LETS GOOO #TF2 TAUNTS AND SHIT

[cntoesussie]

TF2 Mercs playing Arcane Odyssey (because both have been on my mind as of late)

Scout - Conjurer (He chose light magic (sunlight variant) because it’s the fastest), thinks it’s fun to bonk shipwrights, only uses a rowboat, won’t progress in the story until he’s explored everywhere Soldier - Warlord (used to have earth magic (stone variation)), joined the Navy as soon as he could, climbed the ranks surprisingly easily, has made it his main goal to destroy Demoman Pyro - Mage (fire and ash magic), loves roleplaying (and burning down cities but we don’t talk about that), actually uses asterisks in chat, and is surprised when they find out that it actually slants the text Demoman - Conjurer (He chose explosion magic because yes), he tries his damn best to be a pirate, succeeds, teases Soldier on a consistent basis, his aim is shit though Heavy - Juggernaut (The magic he chose at the beginning was birch wood), gets waaaaayyyy too invested in the story, it is his life now, it’s been two days since he started playing and he’s already at the level cap wtf- Engineer - Warrior (used to have plasma magic (gamma variation)), one of the best merchants known to the War Seas, will stop to help castaways no matter what, second richest out of all of them Medic - Paladin (uses poison and glass magic), wanted by everything and everyone, lives in the dark sea, considers the effect of insanity to be “too dramatic” and “unrealistic”, fishing GOD Sniper - Warrior (used to have glass magic), loves the ranged weapons (the bow is his favorite), in a not-so-friendly rivalry with Spy, who is also in the Assassin Syndicate along with him, spent all his money on hats Spy - Conjurer (he chose shadow magic because he’s an edgy little shit), as soon as he heard about the Assassin Syndicate, he joined, will not take a crew with him for the life of him, he has actually tried to kill Sniper in real life for stealing a bounty off of him, spends his money wisely and is the richest player out of all of them

#tf2 #arcane odyssey #team fortress two #currently obsessed with these two things so why not mash them together? #headcanons tee hee

[the-squidward-in-question]

TF2 in

The Sims 4

Part 3

Everyone forgot to pay the bills and the electricity got shut off.

I didn’t even know you had bills in the sims but it’s fine

Demo and Engie had just spent the last of the cash on a guitar and a minibar, so they had to come up with cash quick. Soldier, demo, engie, and spy all went to their day jobs, and with spy’s promotion they had about half the money.

Then Pyro saved the day.

Pyro got inspired by watching the kid’s network on TV and started painting like mad. They made and sold about 6 paintings which put them over the top. With the bills now paid and the crisis averted, everyone had BBQ for dinner courtesy of Heavy’s cooking.

The grill caught fire the next evening.

Once again, Scout was the first to arrive and put out the blaze with a fire extinguisher. Nobody was burned this time, but I’m starting to suspect Scout has a hero complex and is starting fires.

Engie is suspicious too and has started upgrading appliances around the base to avoid further incidents.

Medic is single-handedly keeping the base from becoming a landfill. These mercs are messy.

#tf2 #tf2sims4 #tf2 shitpost #text post

[xxiamtiebrousxx]

Hi! I saw your tf2 fic’s and had a thought “ what would the merc’s react if their was a tenth merc who was insane ?”( the type of insane to torture instead of kill) and what would they think of them? It’s fine if you don’t want to ! Byeeee!<3

I don't mind writing this. This was actually fun to write. Trigger warning: Mentions of torturing and gore.

Mercs Reactions to an Insane Reader

Scout:

It wasn’t a surprise you were a bit crazy. Scout had seen you in action. He was always a little shocked the way you tortured enemies. The way you would grab the enemy teammate, force him down on the ground, and repeatedly stab him with a grin on your face. There’d be blood all over you

“Hey, Y/n. Uh, have fun going on your frenzy,” he’d always say nervously.  Once, you painted a small heart on his cheek with blood. It was a gesture of kindness and Scout was greatly confused by it. 

He tried to keep his distance most of the time but he just found himself gravitating towards you. He thought your craziness was a bit cool.

Soldier:

Soldier’s reaction? He didn’t care. He loved you for who you are. The part he loved about your insanity was that you broke the necks of your enemies just like him. He would join in the fun. The battlefield would sound like popcorn popping, of course, it wasn’t popcorn.

He’d help you interrogate the enemy. You asked him for needles, he got them for you. You asked for a hammer and nails, he got them for you. You asked for a knife, he’d ask, “How big?”

Once, you tortured your victim so badly, he ended up dying. Soldier and you got out the permanent markers and drew all over his face before returning the corpse to his team. 

Pyro:

You both were crazy. End of sentence. You both took your “lollipops” down upon your enemies with ease and laughter. Pyro made “flower crowns” from the “flowers” he found on the battlefield.You made necklaces out of the enemies’ teeth for Pyro. You even stole Soldier’s idea and made the firebug a necklace of ears.

He “invites” the enemy to a tea party you two host. You and Pyro take turns holding hostage your victim and burning him. You both have fun doing that. The other mercenaries were too scared to approach you. The Administrator almost sent in another group of mercenaries to take you two out.

Of course, it didn’t work and she left you alone.

Engineer:

He was very concerned for you. And very terrified of you. You took it all out on whoever sapped his sentries, teleporters, and dispensers. He appreciated the gestures you’d do to save him, but he didn’t like the way you did it. You always gave him the severed ring finger of the enemy as a gift. Engineer would accept it, then throw it away when you weren’t looking. 

He made you a torture device for your birthday. It was supposed to be a joke but you took it seriously and went to town on it. He noticed how you used devices like toys. It calms you down. So Engineer placed it upon himself to build you toys. And more torture devices, like a chainsaw. 

This gesture brought you two closer. You invited him to try out the gifts he made you. He couldn’t refuse.

Demoman:

He didn’t mind really. He was always too drunk to really notice. But when he was sober he was a bit shocked to see you were insane. He found out that you took his empty bottles and used them to cut your victims. It was an easier way to find out information. Demo started to collect all his bottles and gave them to you. 

You appreciated the gesture and allowed Demo to watch you do your work. He was actually interested. He learned new ways to cut someone’s organs up in ten different ways.

Demoman once went out and got some guy who scammed him. You gladly tortured him into giving back Demoman’s money. After that, the scammer went missing and Demo took you out for dinner. The other patrons who were there stared at you funny since you were covered in blood, but Demo made sure they stopped staring at you just by glaring at them.

That, or your smile shut them up.

Heavy:

Heavy was used to having his best friend, Medic, a bit crazy. But you blew the ball out of the park. 

Literally. You did that once to torture your enemies from afar. Somehow, you managed to get a cannon from Saxton Hale. He was a little scared that you went overboard with things. At first, he tried to keep his distance, but that didn’t work. He’d tell the others, “Pyro once scared me, but I fear him no longer.” He feared you now.

Heavy tried to reach out to you. You were so hostile, so maniacal. Even your laughter scared him. So did your victim’s screaming. Heavy was gentle though and started to warm up to you. If you were busy spending hours cutting up your victim, he’d bring you tea and biscuits. Sometimes, you’d start a conversation as you pulled out your victim's teeth.

You were glad he fed you otherwise you’d end up going on a killing spree.

Medic:

Medic loved how you were just like him! He was so happy to have someone who understood him. Everyday, he’d take you to his lab to teach you what he knew about torture. You taught him what you knew.

Mann Co. was selling medieval torture devices. You and Medic saved up your money and bought a stretching rack for ten dollars. That was a good price. You tried it for back pain and ended up breaking your back. But you just laughed it off, even though you were in immense pain. Medic just fixed you right up.

The rack was also used on an enemy Spy. His head ended up in the fridge after you and Medic tried defibrillators to fix his back. It ended up frying his body.

In the end, you and Medic had fun. You even stole Mayor Mike’s spine and was chased into the Badlands.

Sniper:

Sniper didn’t really care. He was just glad to have your company. Even if it meant you tried out crazy chemicals that burned through your victim’s stomach using his kitchen sink. He just read a magazine as you laughed maniacally. He let you do whatever, as long as you didn’t burn his camper down.

You carved him a new bow out of bones. He didn’t bother asking who’s bones it was. He was very happy with his gift. You even made him arrows out of someone’s nails. That was one gift he could not accept.

He ended up burying them somewhere. 

The one thing he loves about you is that you always come home with a smile on your face. He was happy. Once, he saw you smiling like a joker when you managed to find the enemy’s base. It took a man’s broken back and a severed toe to get the information.

He didn’t mind that you were insane. He loved it.

Spy:

Spy was a man known for torturing other people for his job. He needed the information. Unfortunately, you did his job better. He was a bit jealous of you. Of course, he didn’t know you were insane. So, one night he followed you into a warehouse where you carried your victim.

It was crazy unbelievable how you got the information. It was extremely gruesome to describe. Spy was actually impressed. The only problem was that he confronted you and you got blood on his suit.

He didn’t talk to you for days.

But, when he did, he asked for your advice. You taught him several torturing techniques. Teaching him brought you joy. Slowly but surely, he started to fall for you. The Administrator teamed you up. Spy was good cop, you were bad cop. Sometimes you both were bad cop.

He loved being your partner. As long as you didn’t get blood on his suit, he’d stay by your side forever.

Miss Pauling:

She did not like your insanity at all. But because of they way you could torture someone to death and dispose of the body, she kept you around. You actually removed some stress from her. She had time to focus on herself, get some paperwork done. 

You didn’t mind doing her work for her. You liked the screams of your victims. Pauling would bring you some coffee so you wouldn’t get too tired. You ended up using it to burn some information out of someone. She just watched. 

She actually learned from you. Once, when you got sick and stayed home, she burned a mugger and broke his arm the way you would do it. She came to you and told you what happened. You sniffed and cried a little. You weren’t sad though. You were so happy!

Miss Pauling was learning well! She was growing up so fast!

“Uh, Y/n? Are those tears of joy or sadness?”

#tf2 x reader #team fortress 2 x reader #x reader #tf2 one shots #team fortress 2 one shots #team fortress 2 x reader one shots #tf2 x reader one shots #tf2 #team fortress 2

[rathayibacter]

well now i wanna know what you think about pyro, given they're basically an enigma

oh i fuckin love pyro. my blorbo

really i think pyros only mysterious cuz people expect there to be answers, but theres not. pyros not secretly anything under the mask, theyre just pyro. they dont light things on fire for any deep reason, they just love burning stuff.

i like to consider them queer purely in the sense that the queer umbrella embraces a lot of freaks and weirdos who dont fit into society at large, but like, i dont think pyro has a gender or sexual identity, and not even in the nonbinary aroace way. pyro doesnt know what a pronoun is. pyros only vaguely aware that humans have sexual dimorphism, and has never bothered to learn what the implications of that are cuz it doesnt interest them. pyros just doin their thing

as a result i think a lot of pyro's relationships come down to how much the other person's willing to let pyro just vibe. like, pyro and soldier are both just chasing their whims, so even when that leads to them fighting there's absolutely no hard feelings. spy treats pyro like an ipad baby and will just hand them a couple cigarettes and his lighter to keep them entertained. medic gives pyro errands sometimes, but has to be really specific with the wording cuz pyro'll take any opportunity to get into Mischief.

i think miss pauling signs pyro up for an art class post-tf2, and their art winds up winning a bunch of awards and making them a ton of money. its all really gorgeously realized impressionistic art, lots of really beautiful fine detail. then like five years later pyro gets bored and burns down the exhibit their work's being showcased in, completely destroying it all.

#tf2

[c0ffeecr0w]

Intro I guess

Sup bitches, I'm Sy, call me Jamie or Crow if you'd like I'm a South Park artist (not just an SP artist but mainly here) from Italy. I draw other things as well but most will be SP Age limit is 16+. I do SFW but there is also a bit of blood/gore and horror here and there, plus I don't feel comfy interacting with people under that age limit cuz I'm an adult

About me: - Genderqueer/genderfluid (he/she/they) - AuDHD - Furry (kinda) - Sonas are either a blue dragon, Raven/crow-fox (Ravox) (main) or German Shepherd-Macaw hybrid. I have a lot of OCs lol - INFJ/INFP-T - Pansexual-Ace - Stan kin - Been hyperfixated on SP for 5/6 years after I stopped watching it for a while - Alt Fashion (mostly Punk/Goth) - Trad and digital artist, paints occasionally - Silly lil guy

Favourite South Park characters: Main 4 (especially Kenny), Butters, Craig, Tweek, Henrietta, Micheal, Chef, Wendy

Favourite ships: Style, Stendy, Stendyle, Bunny, Stenny, K2, Kyman (non-proship), Creekenny, Twenny, Kenman, Bendy, Creek, Kenrietta, Stenny, Crenny, Stanman, Tyde, Tammy X Kenny I'm okay with anyone who has different ships/rarepairs (Kendy, Heiman, Dip, ecc.), just as long as they aren't proships

Fandoms/Hyperfixations: The Simpsons, South Park, TF2, Jurassic Park, Good Omens, Stranger Things, MLP, Godzilla, Harry Potter, Hazbin Hotel, Invader Zim, Gorillaz, The Beatles, Gravity Falls, Supernatural, Monster Hunter, Undertale/Deltarune, Cuphead, Adventure Time, WOF, Warrior Cats

Favourite Bands/Artists: The Beatles, Nirvana, Nightwish, August Burns Red, Deftones, Tool, MCR, Minor Threat, Fugazi, Joy Division, The Cure, Arctic Monkeys, Daft Punk, Gorillaz, Tame Impala, The Prodigy, Fatboy Slim, Ween, Flaming Lips, Jack Stauber, ecc

I also use Instagram as well, you can check it out on my Carrd along with other sites

Commissions: Pending (I'm saving money for personal stuff and I'm gonna get a new account for my art coms sometime soon) Trades mostly for friends and mutuals, just ask

Doodle requests and general asks are welcome cuz I get art block and burnout often lol

#introduction #intro post

[saltysunflowersugar]

IT'S THE SECOND DAY OF THE SPOOKY MONTH AND I'VE BEEN GOING DOWN A BIT OF A RABBIT HOLE EBER SINCE I MADE THAT FREDDY KRUEGER X TF2 HEAVY CRACK ART, SO I DECIDED TO MAKE MY OWN SLASHER HOUSE AU BASED MOSTLYBON SPOILERS I'VE GOTTEN FOR THE VARIOUS HORROR MOVIES REPRESENTED HERE! LET'S GO!

I'm just gonna make bullet points for each character and what I think they'd be like and their dynamics with the others:

Basic plot:

• After the events of the movie when she went on a rampage and burned her school down, Carrie White has been on the run, and decided to hide out in an abandoned cabin, unaware that she was trespassing on Camp Crystal Lake's campgrounds because it was fall and no one was around to kick her out anyway

• Somehow she finds a creepy tape with some Japanese writing on it, and decides to put it on, unaware of the ghost inside, but after the seven days have passed, she finds out about Sadako and somehow manages to get her to show mercy to her, once she finds out that this little ghost girl shares the trauma of being hated by her own mother and Carrie decides to become like a big sister figure to Sadako

• the girls are taking full advantage of their powers to basically threaten the camp staff to let them live there year-round since neither of them really have anywhere else to go. And the staff comply, because they're terrified of what happens if they don't. All is well between these two until Jason Vorhese rises from the lake, and once again, the two face off until they eventually realize they have very similar traumas, but instead of mother issues, they vond over the fact that they were both bullied.

• yes, I'm counting the bear from Cocaine Bear as a slasher, deal with it, I just think it's funny if she just shows up sometimes

• I have no idea how Michael Myers shows up but he was in the Hunger Games simulation that started this whole thing so it would be wierd not to include him, I really don't know what to do with him lol

• I don't know why Freddy Krueger is here, but he is, and I think it would be funny if this au was in the same continuity as my Hunger Games (ignoring the fact that Michael Myers died in that Hunger game) so he apparently had a brief romantic thing with the TF2 Heavy, assumedly killed Heavy and Spy with thorny vines, won the Hunger games, and somehow ended up joining a slasher found family

• also Patrick Bateman is here because he's so comically underpowered compared to everyone else here. he absolutely despises everyone here but can't really do anything about it, he's kinda just the guy that everyone asks for money from. As for why he's even part of this mess in the first place, IDK maybe he just took some vacation days to go upstate (I don't actually know if any of the other movies in this AU take place in New York, but let's just assume they do) to fump a body or whatever and just got dragged into this

• also, cute headcanon, Sadako becomes an E-Sports champion, and she really loves it because she gets to vent all of the rage she feels about being abandoned in that well, and she can do things that shouldn't be possible in the game.

• I'm debating on putting Herbert West in here mostly because I don't know if he ever actually kills anyone himself or if he just raises the dead, but then again I haven't actually seen any of the movies represented here in their entirety except for Cocaine Bear, but why not, maybe he's like the team healer with all of that re-agent he's got

#Long post #Slasher house AU #Horror movies #Carrie White #The ring movie #I don't actually know Sadako's last name #jason voorhees #michael myers #freddy kreuger #Patrick Bateman #Herbert West #Cocaine Bear #friday the thirteenth #Halloween (movies) #Nightmare on elm Street #American Psycho #Re-animator #Mega crossover #I might put even more characters in this later IDK #Do I have to tag the Hunger games and TF2 in this? #Slasher Fandom

[bailey-the-narrator]

MEET THE TEAM: RED PYRO [Bailey]

Alternatively; How Bailey signed himself for the job.

The recent influx on TF2 makes my old hyperfixation risen from the dead. So have my small AU drabble.

“A job at TF Industries?”

Bailey looked down at a folder right in front of him, given to him by a bartender right in front of him. His gloved hands were slathered with soot and burn marks, staining the clear case protecting the papers. 

The bartender only gave a single nod. “You’ll do good at it. I’ve taken a small peek.” The other let out a small chuckle, his hands didn’t stop moving to clean the cups. “It says TF Industries, but you’ll work under the company Reliable Excavation Demolition.” He paused, glancing at the big red-colored label. “Funny how it’s short for RED.”

The freelance contractor ignored his old friend’s bicker and proceeded to open the folder meant for him, giving the papers a quick read. Most of its contents are terms and rules, with some having vaguely-worded sentences about legality and not suing the company due to…risks from the company’s machines? He couldn’t help but raise one of his eyebrows.

The offered pay, though?

Holy. Shit.

Shock was an understatement. His jaw was on the floor seeing the zeroes behind the numbers, and he had to read the written amount of the money to confirm.

A Hundred thousand dollars per month with additional company-owned insurance cover for healthcare.

What kind of job is this? Mafia?? Hitmen???

With no second thought, Bailey pulled out his pen and signed the contract located right under the paper pile. 

Fuck it. He’ll live comfortably with that amount of money per month anyway.

A slight thump sound of a glass placed onto the bar’s wooden counter snapped him out of his train of excited thoughts, and he instinctively looked up to see the smiling expression of his bartender. “I’ve never seen you sign a contract this fast.”

“It’s all about the money.” He casually answered, and the other barked a burst of laughter.

The company was about demolition, too, right?

Right???

Too late to reread and wallow in his regrets. He’d rather let his future self take the damage from his risky decisions.

“Wait- have you filled in your preferred class?” The bartender’s question made him tilt his head slightly, confused.

“Class?” Bailey flipped around the papers, blue eyes scanning for anything mentioning that term, and it landed him on the second last page.

————

CLASS OF CHOICE:

Scout

Soldier

Pyro

Heavy

Engineer

Demoman

Medic

Spy

Sniper

————

Huh. Now that’s a first.

There were no descriptions about the classes anywhere, no matter how much he flipped around the pages, and the names didn’t help one bit. What is Heavy?? What kind of job is Soldier?? Spy???

What the fuck is this shady and vague stuff littering all over the papers???

Bailey took a deep breath. He just needed to pick one, right?

His pen was hovering over Pyro, the memories of him burning down buildings replaying in his head. 

He could feel the heat over the flame engulfing the surrounding trees and monuments, breathing under his neck, ashes raining down the dark sky. The scent of smoke and the sound of fire cracklings in the midst of silence echoed throughout the night.

It was one of the best nights he’d experienced.

If this class would bring those sensations back, then he wouldn’t mind picking this one.

Pyro it is.

#tsp #the stanley parable #tsp au #tsp narrator #stanley parable #tsp fanfic #team fortress 2 #tf2 x tsp

[slimyficgirl]

Roses are Red, Violets are Blu

How it started:

"Y/N, you SUCK as Medic." 

You groaned as you were killed yet again by the enemy Heavy, ending up back in the respawn room as your friends Roger and Sam laughed at you. They'd been playing Team Fortress 2 for over a decade now while you had only just started playing about a  month ago and were still feeling it out. So far you'd tried Heavy, Spy, Sniper and now Medic. Sniper was the only one you'd been good at. "Eat my ass." You huffed as you switched back to Sniper and left the spawn room. "I can't," Roger replied, "I'm vegan." "No the fuck you're not." You laughed as you found yourself a decent vantage point, readied up-and got absolutely wrecked by a Spy. 

"...I want...to burn things." 

You leaned back from your laptop with a sigh. Fuck, were you bad at this game in general. "Welp, I think that's my sign to call it quits. Besides, I have work in the morning." Your friends groaned but agreed, you all had to at least pretend to be functioning adults who took your work lives, or lives in general, seriously. "Tomorrow you should try soldier." Sam said as you logged out of the game and got ready to end your discord call as well. "I'll give it a go, talk to you dumb fucks in the morning." You laughed a little and ended the call, flopping back in bed and staring at your ceiling. You were hungry but didn't have much food at the time, and any money you got in the next few days would be going to rent. Who knew a one person studio apartment would be so god damn expensive. Who knew a job that you had to get a special license for-and pay to get said license- would give you so little money. Who knew that adulthood would be such...shit. 

Groaning, you sat back up to close your laptop, setting it and your headphones on the night stand beside your bed before climbing out. You'd caved and decided to go make noodles or something in the kitchen to eat before bed. Being in a studio apartment, your bedroom was just a few feet away from the kitchen and it should have been no problem getting over there, however you ended up stubbing your toe against something hard on the floor. Using the flashlight on your cellphone you checked around the floor and saw that what had nearly caused your toe amputation was a teleporter. A red teleporter. Like the one from TF2. You yelped as it whirred to life and realized one second too late that you were standing too close to it. 

Next:

#TF2 #tf2 x reader #it’s cringe #it’s so damn cringe #but I am free #isekai #x reader