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patchwork-panda · 4 years

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If A Moment Is All We Are (Ch.1)

This is the Dazai x OC/”reader” with bits of Kunikida x OC/”reader” fic I created.

I’m just gonna post the entire text of first chapter below the cut bc even tho it’s at zero hits, I still feel there’s people out there who might want to read it...

OC is based off “The Story of Your Life” by Ted Chiang, the basis for the movie “Arrival” w Amy Adams.

Shout-out to @discoten for Beta-ing this first part :)

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Pale gold. Rose red. Dusky purple.

My eyes traveled from one brightly colored glass panel to the next, finally landing upon the deep azure blue of the Virgin Mary’s veil. I kept my eyes trained on her face, trying to stay focused on the massive stained-glass windows, the beautiful art shining all around me, anything to pretend I was at this gallery under different circumstances. Shafts of colored light as bright as shattered gemstones danced across the floor in the late afternoon sun, flitting over the black-clad bodies of the two men who lay prone nearby, their silent forms looking unnaturally still against the vibrant carpet.

I swallowed uneasily, a familiar sort of nausea creeping up from the pit of my stomach as I watched the dark pool of liquid around them grow wider and wider, the smell of iron heavy in the air...

Squeezing my eyes shut momentarily, I wrenched my attention away from them, trying to go back to staring at the windows but found myself looking once again into a pair of steel-gray eyes. There, at the entrance of the gallery, standing so still he may was well be a statue himself, was the young man who’d slain the two security guards lying on the floor nearby. With his pale face, stark-white cravat, and torn black overcoat, he reminded me of a vampire, or maybe even a god of death—his very image called to mind a painting of the Grim Reaper I’d passed on my way into this room. If only I had heeded the warning...

If I had, then maybe I wouldn’t be staring into a pair of piercing red eyes right now—the eyes of a shadowy monster attached to the back of this man’s cloak. As if sensing my thoughts, the demonic creature bared its dagger-like fangs and growled, its bloody, gaping maw stretching wide.

I kept my hands in the air. My cold, sweaty palms trembled on either side of my face as I returned my attention to the stained-glass windows around me. I’d had my hands in the air for so long that my arms were getting tired but I couldn’t drop them—I didn’t want to think about what would happen next if I did. Then the headlines tomorrow would read: “Attack at the South Pier Art Gallery. Three dead: two curators and one visitor.” In perhaps a day or two, they’d identify my corpse as “Kusunoki Kyou, aged twenty, a college drop-out and local shut-in.” They wouldn’t be able to get a hold of my parents; they were overseas and I hadn’t seen the rest of my family in so long, I wasn’t even sure if they were still in Chiba any more. Maybe the reporters would interview one or two of my former classmates... But would they even be able to find anybody who still wanted to talk about me after I shut myself away so abruptly?

“Hey, how have you been? Akutagawa-kun?” the man behind me called out brightly, the lilting tenor of his voice jarring, given our current situation.

I kind of figured he was crazy from the moment we met, but not this crazy.

What kind of man tries to play catch up with a friend (acquaintance? I honestly had no idea how they knew each other) while holding a gun to somebody’s head—my head? Even though I couldn’t turn around to see his face, I could picture his cheerful smile, the twinkle in his intelligent brown eyes, the layers of bandages wrapped around his neck. I could practically hear the gears in his head turning behind me as he watched Akutagawa and calculated his next move, the tone of his voice giving absolutely nothing away.

There was a tiny click—the sound of the safety being shut off—and I grimaced as I felt the metallic chill of the handgun’s muzzle pressing more firmly against the back of my head. Akutagawa immediately shot a dirty glance over my head at the person holding me hostage. He spat out a single name:

“Dazai-san.”

I went back to staring at the windows.

I really shouldn’t have left my apartment this morning.

***

Ramen.

Instant ramen was the reason I decided to venture out of my glorified broom closet for the first time in probably weeks. Had I known that the craving for convenience store food would lead to my being shot to death in six hours’ time, I would’ve ignored the growling of my stomach and taken my chances with starving at home instead.

Maybe.

I’d stayed up far too late the night before binge-watching the latest season of a new anime I’d picked up and my best guess for when I’d finally fallen asleep at my computer was probably around three in the morning. When I finally woke up (sometime around noon), I had Pocky crumbs in my hair, my pajamas were sticking unpleasantly to my skin and my stomach was grumbling from the lack of real food in who knows how long. Unfortunately, my pantry was empty, so I did what any normal person in my situation would do: put off going outside for another couple hours by picking another anime to watch. I only realized I really needed to get going when I finally reached into my giant bag of snacks and found it empty.

Dread building in the pit of my stomach at the mere thought of going outside, I threw off the pink bunny pajamas that I hadn’t changed out of in a while and tossed them on the growing pile of clothes on the floor. I hadn’t done the laundry in weeks and it was anyone’s guess which pile was “clean” and which was “dirty” (I’d lost track of which was which days ago). However, I didn’t have a real need to distinguish between the two until today... I stepped into the bathroom, walking right past the tiny cracked mirror above the sink without really looking into it and pulled the shower curtain closed. I knew what I would see: a greasy, dead-eyed otaku version of the creepy girl from The Ring, with long black hair and reddish-brown eyes, only instead of a haunted child, I’d see an adult who failed to get her life together after just two years of moving out of her relatives’ house.

Half an hour later, I’d dressed myself in an old pair of jeans and a large sweatshirt emblazoned with the logo of a magical girl anime and was desperately fishing around in my kitchen drawer for the thing I needed most: a pair of gloves. I hadn’t needed to go outside in so long that I’d forgotten to stock up on nitrile gloves and it was with an enormous amount of relief that I finally retrieved an old pair at the bottom of the drawer.

I was too tired and hungry to notice the small hole in one of the gloves when I pulled them on, nor did I notice when I put on my face mask and tied up my hair. Honestly, I was just lucky the torn one didn’t rip completely away from my hand when I was putting on my shoes but maybe it would’ve been better if it did. Maybe then I wouldn’t have ended up at the art gallery...

But I wasn’t thinking about my gloves when I prepared for my short trip; I was thinking about food. After all, it was supposed to be a quick trip, just a short walk through the hallway and down the street to the nearest convenience store, then back. It honestly might not have been so bad if everything that happened after hadn’t gone so horribly wrong.

The first thing that went wrong happened the moment I stepped out of the building. Blinded by the sudden appearance of sunlight, I smacked right into an old lady walking in front of my building and immediately fell on my butt.

“Oh my, Kyou-chan!”

I groaned as I slowly got back to my feet.

“Is that you, Kyou-chan? Nobody’s seen you in weeks; it’s been so quiet on your end of the floor that we thought maybe you moved out!”

“No, I’m still here, Yamazaki-san,” I replied, recognizing the woman’s face before her voice.

Mrs. Yamazaki lived on the same floor as me and was kind of a busybody, but a caring one. The evening I’d first moved into the building, she’d knocked on my door around dinner time and asked if I knew how to play Mah-Jong. One of her friends had canceled on their group last minute and they’d needed a fourth. I’d declined as politely as I could but was still somehow dragged out of my room by the boisterous old woman and forcibly socialized over a cup of hot genmai-cha. I’d meant to return the favor by dropping by with some kind of snack in hand but never got around to it.

I could feel the guilt curling in the pit of my stomach as I took in her tiny form, her smiling face but all I could do was smile weakly as she remarked on how malnourished I looked and how long my hair had grown since she’d last seen me. Then she spotted the tote bag in my hand.

“Kyou-chan! Are you going shopping?”

“Not really, just getting some ramen at the convenience store.”

Mrs. Yamazaki’s eyes widened.

“Is that all you’ve been eating these days?” she asked, sounding concerned.

“N-no. I’ve had...”

I thought back to my box of strawberry Pocky.

“...Other things.”

She frowned.

“That won’t do,” she declared.

Without waiting for me to respond, she grabbed my arm and pulled me towards the nearest crosswalk.

“Yamazaki-san!” I tried to wrench my arm out of her grip but she was surprisingly strong for her age. Or maybe—I cringed—maybe I’d just become extremely weak after months of being a shut-in and not getting any proper exercise. Drawing commissions hardly worked the arms.

“This isn’t the way to the convenience store! Yamazaki-san!!”

Before long, we were inside an actual grocery, Mrs. Yamazaki chatting away merrily as she pulled vegetables off the shelves and tucked them away into her own basket (I’d run into her just as she was about to go anyway). Occasionally, she’d grab something green and leafy and stick it into the basket she’d forced into my hands, and she kept doing it until she’d buried the thick layer of ramen and junk food that lay at the bottom of the bag. When she was satisfied with the composition of my groceries, she nodded approvingly and hurried me towards the cash registers.

“There now,” she laughed once we were outside and I was carrying a very heavy bag of things I hadn’t actually intended to buy. “That wasn’t so hard, was it?”

She stepped off the sidewalk and two things happened very quickly: one, a truck ran a red light, barreling towards her as she attempted to cross the street, and two, as I dropped my groceries and rushed forward to save her, my right glove caught on something sticking out of my bag and finally ripped.

“Yamazaki-san!”

I reached out—my fingers stretched towards her.

“Look out!!”

Several onlookers screamed as I seized Mrs. Yamazaki by the back of her jacket and yanked her back. We fell to the ground, crashing down onto the sidewalk just as the truck sped through the intersection, honking madly as it flew by. Somebody behind us was yelling for the cops, several people had taken out their cell phones and as one of the grocery store employees rushed over to help us up, I felt an odd stinging sensation in my right hand.

I looked down and saw that my right glove had been completely shredded. Though I still had coverage on most of my fingers, much of the pale blue nitrile was hanging off my right hand in thin, ragged tatters and there were several long scratches on the palm of my hand from where I’d scraped it against the sidewalk when I fell.

The store employee, a stout, middle-aged man with bulky arms, helped a very shaken Mrs. Yamazaki to her feet, and though I could feel her trembling as she clung to me, I tried to shift my posture as she leaned on me. I couldn’t let her touch any part of my bare hand.

“Are you alright, ma’am?” the man from the store asked.

“Y-yes, I’m fine,” Mrs. Yamazaki answered, her voice quavering as she looked up at the man and then at me.

Tears sprang to her eyes and before I could stop her, she got down on her knees and bowed deeply, touching her forehead to the ground in gratitude.

“Y-Yamazaki-san?”

“Thank you!” she whispered, her voice cracking. “You saved my life, Kyou-chan!”

“Yamazaki-san, please,” I dropped to my knees as well and tried to help her up. “You don’t need to do that. Please, get up.”

As the store employee and I raised Mrs. Yamazaki to her feet, she chuckled, her eyes wide with wonder as she looked at me.

“And to think, if I hadn’t met you on your way out this morning, I might be...”

She shook her head slowly and I exchanged a worried glance with the man who’d come to help.

“I don’t know where I would be if you weren’t here, Kyou-chan,” Mrs. Yamazaki breathed. “From the bottom of my heart, thank you.”

Though she seemed to be completely fine, with no broken bones or serious injuries, she continued to cling to me, and I felt her grip on my arm tighten as the employee informed her the police were on their way and we may want to stay to give a statement. Panic slowly rose in my chest as I felt my uncovered wrist coming out of my sleeve but as I carefully began to extricate myself from Mrs. Yamazaki’s grip, she suddenly turned to me and looked me up and down. She gasped.

“Oh, Kyou-chan!”

Her eyes had fallen upon my scratched palm.

“You’re bleeding!”

I yanked my hand away.

“I’m fine, ma’am.”

“Let me see it,” she demanded, grabbing my wrist. “I insist.”

As the store employee ran inside to get some band-aids, Mrs. Yamazaki gently picked up the edges of the ripped nitrile, pulling it away from my bloody, scratched-up palm, oblivious to my attempts to get away. As the glove gradually peeled away from my hand, I felt the warmth of her wrinkled skin brush against my fingers.

And then it happened.

The sound of canned laughter echoes throughout the room. Flickering green and white light casts odd shadows upon the walls. The cat-shaped clock above the television reads half past eleven in the middle of the night but there is another sound that is audible over the muffled noises from the TV. It beats in time with the clock and it sounds like something dripping, something liquid and warm.

Tick.

T i ck.

The clock cat’s eyes shine with unnatural green light— light reflected from the television screen. They are blank , open, and staring, just like the eyes of the woman draped oddly over the side of the television set, her eyes wide with fear and shock.

Mrs. Yamazaki clutches at her chest. Blood dribbles thickly from between her fingers, her breath comes in wheezes and gurgled gasps as she slumps further and further down the side of her TV set. She leaves a bloody hand print on the side panel and falls to the ground.

Someone is laughing.

I am laughing.

The sound is deep, unfamiliar. There is a large, bloody kitchen knife held fast in my fingers, which are thick and hairy. I move my arm to check the wound Mrs. Yamazaki had inflicted on me and I see the vivid tattoo of a monstrous green snake, its fangs sinking deeply into a cracked human skull.

The television returns to its regularly scheduled programming. A time stamp appears in the upper right hand corner...

I came to, to the sound of somebody calling my name and immediately let out a sharp hiss of pain. While I was out, I had dropped to my knees, scuffing my jeans, and I could feel the thin skin over my kneecaps bruising horribly against the concrete sidewalk. Thankfully, that was all but my hands were shaking and I had a massive headache. Looking alarmed, Mrs. Yamazaki, not a single knife wound visible on her body, held my hand in both of hers with a troubled expression on her face. She had been the one calling me.

“Oh my goodness! Are you alright, Kyou-chan? You’re as white as a sheet.”

I immediately ripped my hand away and stuffed it into my pocket, just as the store employee returned with bandages. As he stuck out his hand to give me the bandages, I took a step back, shrinking away from the two of them.

“I’m fine.”

I stuffed my hand deeper into my pocket, ignoring the stickiness of the drying blood.

“Are you sure?” Mrs. Yamazaki asked, worry clouding her voice.

“I SAID I’M FINE!!”

That came out way louder than I’d meant it to. The people around me looked startled. I could hear the whispers. My Ability, “The Story of Your Life,” the curse of seeing visions of the future of those I touched, had manifested at the worst possible moment. I picked my bag off the sidewalk and ran.

#bungou stray dogs #bungou sd #dazai x oc #dazai x reader #kunikida x reader #kunikida x oc

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loveforficts · 4 years

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I’m so happy to find support for this whole... falling in love with characters thing. XD

This is going to be a very long story - I apologize. But holy crap, it’s so good to get this off my chest.

TW: abuse, mental illness

Quick about me: Cis female, Pansexual, early 30’s

I’ve been crushing on and falling for characters since I was a kid. My first crushes were (rather oddly) Darth Vader and Jack Skellington. XD In high school, I fell super hard for a movie character. I wrote Mary Sue fanfiction religiously. Once I got to college, I started trying to focus on a career and “real” people. I stopped writing fanfiction but I couldn’t leave him behind. So I just carried on with the stories in my head - while trying to fall asleep, daydreaming, etc. All the while, totally unable to get anyone to date me. Not that I didn’t have offers, I just wasn’t attracted to those guys. Then I started getting obsessed with Jrock and treating the band guys’ stage personas like characters and crushing on them.

Then, in my career and interest pursuits, I ended up getting to go to Japan (a friend got cheap tickets bc her family member was a pilot) and I had a whirlwind romance with a guy I’d been talking to online for almost a year. It wasn’t my intention but it happened. Caught up in the moments and the feelings, we dated for a year and then we got married. I moved to Japan. I became an English teacher. It was pretty good for a while until he started just changing. He became gradually more emotionally and physically distant, he wouldn’t communicate with me, we had sexual issues due to these things and he basically blamed it on me. We had an... incident, I’ll suffice it to say. After that, the whole marriage started to decay. I divorced him after a few years of denial. In hindsight, I really just saw the good in him like you see the good in a fictional character...

During my marriage however, as it fell apart I frequently fell into the arms of that same fictional character from high school, and eventually a different movie character too. It was emotional cheating but I didn’t realize (or want to admit) that at the time. So after divorcing, I spent loads more time with the new movie character in particular. I dated some other “real” people, fell for one - who cheated on me and completely broke my heart. So for the past two years, I’ve been single and NOT LOOKING for another “real” person. Too much disappointment.

So, it brings me to this year - I moved back to America after a decade in Japan (teaching has a serious expiration date and I went way over it). I had kind of a nervous breakdown and had to move back mostly because of that. I’ve had depression and anxiety my whole life, and a severely emotionally abusive childhood. BUT this year I just fell for someone else. I’d seen the show years prior but tried not to fall for him. XP Finally, I fell. Lol. It’s been honestly amazing. It’s been healing and cathartic. Finally a stable relationship. XD

I’ve been googling for advice about dealing with my “obsession” and found a link to this blog from an Ace website. ❤️ But I’ve seen a lot of misconceptions on other sites. I’ve seen people say “yeah of course you fell for a fictional character - they’re designed to be likeable!” Ok well... the thing about that is... lol... yeah, my love is freaking Hannibal Lecter. Not a particularly likeable guy!! 🤣 I dunno. He’s just got this vibe, this aura he gives off that I just can’t resist! Another thing I saw was people thinking they’re too old for it - I’m in my early 30��s. “Real” people have never been as good as fictional ones. I say that as a person who has a super active social life, a lot of dates post-marriage (but none since that cheating incident), loads of friends and family, a small online following of people who think I’m worth looking at (I hated typing that but I’m just trying to get a point across >< - also obv on a different platform under a different name), was married to a “real” person, etc! People think they have a solid idea of what fictoromantics look like and what their backgrounds are but we’re really diverse. And we’re all so valid.

I told a friend about this on Skype recently bc I’d been out drinking so I was more talkative than I should have been. And he laughed - A LOT. My other friends are really open minded people so they’d be accepting about it but I just don’t want to tell them. Not yet anyway. I told one friend (since childhood) that I “write Hannibal Mary Sue fanfiction in my head” and she was like “yup, that’s you!” Lol. I couldn’t really tell her I’m fictoromantic. But she was supportive anyway. 🤷🏻‍♀️

So, bit of a subject shift. I don’t just put myself into the show’s story, I made up an OC to represent me. She’s everything I wish I was: a professional artist, super pretty, skinny, etc. But she has a lot of the same issues I do. And that fantasy life is just so amazing. I can deal with mental issues in a controlled environment- and it helps that Hannibal is a psychiatrist. Lol. XD He’s gotten me through major depressive episodes, anxiety attacks, and so on. Some days, I just feel so giddy and excited about spending time with him. At one point, I realized she/I would have to find out about Hannibal’s... uh, proclivity, and I wrote the whole scenario in my head, which would end in her/me making a tragic decision (let’s just say), and I ended up sobbing over it and falling into a depressive slump. A few days later I retconned that and made it so they/we will be together regardless. Lol. Anyway, I don’t think we fictoromantics are doing this by choice. I also, for the record, don’t condone violence or cannibalism in any way XD I didn’t choose Hannibal! He happened to me. XP

I seriously can’t wait for the day we can have Holodecks or that VR from Minority Report or Black Mirror. I will work all day to support my ability to just come home and plug right into that virtual fantasy life. That’s my dream. XD

Thank you so much for listening to my ramblings. It’s amazing to be able to finally get this story out to someone who understands. ❤️❤️❤️ This kind of support and representation is soooo appreciated!! I want to leave you with a quote that I live by and that has always rung true for me. I think it relates to what fictoromantics go through:

“Wonder had gone away, and he had forgotten that all life is only a set of pictures in the brain, among which there is no difference betwixt those born of real things and those born of inward dreamings, and no cause to value the one above the other.” — Lovecraft, The Silver Key

#short story #poem #fictoromantic #fictional characters #fan art #fictosexual #submission

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artificialqueens · 5 years

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(I Can Still Recall) Our Last Summer - Chapter One (Group Fic) - pureCAMP

A/N - this is a re-upload bc it apparently disappeared! I hope everyone enjoys it this time lol, let’s pray it doesn’t go missing again

A/N 2 - Here’s the surprise that absolutely no one knew about! A prequel of sorts to HIGA, my Mamma Mia! au featuring trixya and shalaska which you can read here on AQ before this for context

As before, this was pre-written so the rest is ready to go. Let me know if weekly submissions are fine or if you would prefer anything sooner!

(dont lose hope shalaska stans bc chapter two is coming sooner than soon and it’s chock full - and did i mention 8.5k words)

“Sharon, are you ready to go yet? The deacon wanted us here early so you can help to mind the kids before the service!”

Sharon stared into the mirror at a face that didn’t feel like hers. It was free of makeup, the pallidity emphasising the dark circles beneath her eyes and her uneven skin tone. Her blonde hair was pulled back into one long plait, and not a single hair dared to break the strict mold she had been forced into, even from last night’s previous sexy curls. Even her clothes felt uncomfortable, the floral dress of her mother’s choosing hanging loosely from her frame.

Demure. Sensible. Her shoes were patent and shiny, with a thick rubber sole.

Sighing, Sharon started down the stairs. Just once more, she would’ve liked to have slept in a little on a Sunday, but that would never be. Missing church was a sin, and Sharon’s almost obsessively Catholic mother would never allow such a thing to happen in her household - even though it had before. For Sharon, it wasn’t worth the screaming. As she traipsed down the stairs, she ran her slender fingers along the many embellished crosses on the wall, serving as a reminder that she would never be good enough. Above her, the depiction of Jesus on the cross glared judgmentally at her.

I died for your sins, he seemed to be saying. I died on a cross for your sins, and you’re turning up to church hungover.

Everything Sharon spent her weekends doing, it seemed, was wrong or bad or sinful in some way. She knew drinking was against the rules. Her mother, practically Puritan in some of her opinions, insisted that the popular music of the time was sinful too, as was the dancing. Sharon knew her mother would have an aneurysm if she knew how her daughter had looked and behaved the night before; a vision in bright makeup and skin-tight sparkles, grinding against other dancers as she sang. The woman would have been seconds from a heart attack if she had seen Sharon just that morning, silently making her way up the stairs and frantically wiping all traces of sultry makeup and stage attire from her body. There hadn’t been any time to sleep or recover from her night of partying - not if she wanted to look presentable.

The skirt of Sharon’s dress reached just below her knees. She was the picture of a respectful Catholic girl.

“Ah, you look decent for once,” Her mother appraised her. “Not like that awful Gina. She’s about your age, isn’t she? What a dreadful girl.”

In Sharon’s mother’s eyes, Gina was dreadful mostly due to her clothes, which were scandalous as they dipped below her collarbones and above her knees. Sharon, however, had once caught her with a boy, and Gina had once caught Sharon performing on a weekend. They had a silent pact to never spill the other’s secret.

“Yeah…” Sharon murmured, her mind elsewhere.

Her mother paused. “Here. Don’t forget your cross, for goodness sake.” She placed the rosary around her daughter’s neck. “There. Now, remember, you’re helping out at Sunday school and then attending the service with me. And no complaining, not like last time. I raised you to be a good, God-fearing girl. Or else you know what.”

Sharon nodded meekly. “Of course.”

As they walked, Sharon’s mind wandered to her friends, yearning to get away. Raja, no doubt, was lying fast asleep on the island somewhere, curled around some naked guy with hickeys all over his neck. They’d been gyrating over each other all night, and Raja was never one to shy away from male attention. Jinkx would be asleep too, most likely with Dorito crumbs in her hair, drooling from her hangover, perhaps accompanied with some young woman tucked under her arm. And then there was Sharon, on her way to church.

It had been an incredible night, like always. Her outfit - safely tucked away in the taverna’s dressing room so that her mother would never stumble upon it - was everything she knew she wasn’t allowed, tight sequined lycra that clung to her body and was perfect for dancing in. Her makeup was dark and smokey, and her spirits were high, fuelled by the alcohol and the roaring of the crowd dancing beneath them. The Supermodels had been formed a year ago, and they’d amassed quite a following on the little island they performed on.

Would anyone’s opinion of her change if they could see her now? She was the star of their show, the main attraction; she was the one everyone lauded as the lead singer, the funniest, the favourite. Yet she was the one who caught the early morning boat across back to the mainland, hurrying to scrub her makeup off and dress herself up as a good daughter.

But that was just how things were. Despite Raja and Jinkx’s encouragement, she knew it was just going to stay that way.

It was inescapable, really. As she’d been told, ever since she was a child, Jesus was watching. Some unseen forces had their eyes on her, judging her every move. Despite her lack of belief, the threat was real enough to force her into keeping up pretenses, much to her friends’ dismay. But she couldn’t help it. Disappointing her mother only ever ended in disaster.

Sharon wasn’t sure what she disliked more, in all honesty - the chilling silence that hung around the pews in the church or the ungodly screaming of the children at the Sunday school. The actual leader of the group had fucked off twenty minutes ago to make a cup of tea and hadn’t come back, leaving Sharon alone with the screaming under-tens as she attempted to teach them about the Last Supper.

She was sat on an uncomfortably low chair, made for the children, as she attempted to continue their lesson to no avail. They were running amok, screeching and screaming as she tried to maintain some level of control. She was seventeen, for fuck’s sake - it was cruel that they’d put her on babysitting duty.

“And- And Jesus…” She tried, holding up the obscenely large book as she tried to command their attention. “And Jesus told his disciples- oh, fuck this.”

She flung the book onto the floor, ignoring how the smooth pages crumpled beneath the foot of a little boy. She had never liked that stupid shiny book anyway. Bread and wine seemed like a crap dinner.

“You just said a bad word! I’m going to tell the priest!” An obnoxious kid of maybe seven declared, crossing her arms across her chest.

She was the kind of brat Sharon’s mother had always hoped Sharon would be. Her gaze was accusatory, her clothes disgustingly pristine, and she probably had some kind of stupid name like Mary-Ann. Undoubtedly, she’d grow up to be another suffocating church mom.

Sharon scowled. “Oh yeah? How about I tell your mommy that you said you don’t believe in God, and you don’t even want to do your stupid Holy Communion? Hmm?”

The little girl burst into tears. Sharon rolled her eyes, anger bubbling in her chest as she rose from the ridiculously tiny chair and stormed out of the room. The door slammed shut behind her, attracting the attention of the volunteer who was supposed to be taking care of the Sunday school. He looked up in surprise.

“They’re all yours.” She snarled. “Little fucking angels, the lot of them.”

With that, she stormed into the nave, cursing under her breath as she let the door slam shut behind her.

It seemed her outburst had not gone unnoticed, however, as the priest had ceased his dismal preaching, and the churchgoers were staring in horror at her entrance. It didn’t take long for Sharon to spot her mother, in that ludicrous hat with her murderous glare, so she walked with her head high towards the pew, slipping onto the end and bowing her head to blend in.

“Is everything quite alright with the children?” The priest inquired. Someone snickered.

“Just fucking peachy.” She replied, eliciting a shocked gasp. “Continue, Father John.”

Listening to the priest was no better, really, than the meltdown-inducing chaos of the Sunday school children, but it was something. At least his dull, unrelenting voice could allow her to zone out a little. She could just go into autopilot, saying ‘Amen’ when necessary and singing the words to hymns that she had practically been breastfed since birth.

As usual, she just obeyed. Sit down, stand up, pass money into the collection dish, sit down, sing the hymns, stand up. It was liturgical and structured, they told her. Just the way that God wanted it to be. Just the way she would never be able to be.

Suffocating. That was how it really was. Sharon felt trapped. A foot out of line, a hair out of place, a word misspoken - that was enough to feel as though she had let everyone down. She was a disgrace to the church and one day, she knew everyone would know about it. It felt like she was living a lie, almost. She’d go as far as saying that she had never believed in God, even as a child, and so attended the services in disbelief. She lived a lie, whilst still feeling the pressure and judgement under His watchful eye with her every thought and action. Sharon’s life was essentially planned out for her, all thanks to the church, and she hated it. She would never be able to be that perfect little wife they wanted her to be.

Raja and Jinkx were lucky. Raja’s family were Hindu, but Raja herself wasn’t, and Jinkx seemed as free as the wind that blew over the shore, devoid of any preconceived notions of how she should behave. Raja and Jinkx were able to just be. Sharon didn’t have that luxury.

The service ended all too soon, filling Sharon with a sense of impending dread. Most of her rebellion was away from her mother, as a way to feel as though she was silently taking control of her own life and her own fate. Rarely, she dared to be as bold as she had in talking back to the priest and the volunteer, and it always landed her in boiling hot water. Private rebellion felt safer, and as the priest talked, she could feel the looming horror of her punishment growing closer and closer, like the telling chill of a devastating winter blizzard. Although she hated it, she wished the service could go on for longer.

Mere seconds after it had ended, Sharon’s mother had taken her arm in a vice-like grip, and was frogmarching her outside. Her face was stony, rigidly set in a mask of pure anger that told Sharon she was going to pay dearly for her actions, at some point.

“What on God’s green earth do you think you’re doing?!” She bellowed, Sharon instinctively flinching. “How dare you swear at a man of God? How dare you embarrass me and our family in the holy place?”

Sharon swallowed. “I- I didn’t mean to, I-”

“Oh, yes, of course, now is the perfect time to repent from your sins. Sharon, dearest, do you remember your parables? How Jesus forgave the adulterous woman and made her promise to never do it again?”

She had no other option but to nod. “Yes, mom.”

“You aren’t just running out of chances, you vile brat. You ran out a long time ago.” Sharon’s mother paused, straightening her awful hat and glaring at Sharon, her face pinched. “Through Jesus, we find the way and the light. But you, young lady? You will never find His light. You will not be welcomed into the arms of Heaven when Judgement Day arrives. You’ll burn in Hell’s fires.”

She turned on her heel, marching away from the church and leaving Sharon with no choice in following her, a few paces behind so that she couldn’t see the tears glistening in her eyes. It didn’t matter if Sharon didn’t believe. Her mother did, and her mother truly believed she’d be suffering in eternal damnation. She would never be good enough.

It stung the entire way home. Sharon walked slowly, mulling over her mother’s words obsessively and growing more and more worked up as she thought. It wasn’t fair - it wasn’t fucking fair. She needed to get out. She needed to get away.

Of course, it would take careful planning, but Sharon was perfectly adjusted to finding illicit ways to get what she wanted. Sneaking out was practically second nature, having been raised in a Catholic prison since birth. If there was one thing she knew how to do, it was hide away.

As quickly as she could, she changed out of her nauseating church garb, letting her hair fall back into its natural waves and applying the makeup that her mother so heavily frowned upon. She knew that she would be reading by now, poring over her favourite Bible verses in order to distract and soothe her from the travesty that was her daughter, which meant Sharon had a short window of time to escape in.

Like a pro, she managed it, positioning each foot carefully on the stairs to avoid creaking and edging the door open inch by inch until she could slip through it. Once out, she ran, pelting at full-tilt through the twisting market streets into the wealthier part of town. At just after midday, she knew Raja would be home by now, and more than anything, she needed the company of her best friends.

Unlike Sharon’s respectable little home, Raja and her family were on the more extravagant side of the spectrum. Their house was gleaming white, adorned with colonnades and statues of centuries-worshipped gods that spurted water across the courtyard. It was essentially a mansion in the middle of town, and as stifling as it may have looked, it was like a second home. Even just approaching the house made her feel calmer, the anger dissipating a little. Her spirits felt lifted.

She only had to knock once before she received an answer.

“Hey!” Raja greeted as the door swung open. Jinkx stood behind her, the both of them dressed and awake for once. “You coming in?”

“Nope. You’re coming out.” Sharon grinned, spreading her arms wide to allow the sunshine to embrace her. “We’re going back to paradise and you’re coming with me.”

When in desperation, the island was Sharon’s solace. It was where The Supermodels performed on weekends, but it was also the perfect escape away from her mother’s hawk eyes that always seemed to watch her. Hardly anyone even knew about it, other than those who lived there, and those who did know about it didn’t have any interest. After all, there wasn’t much there besides the houses, a small marketplace for the residents, the taverna and some abandoned buildings. It was so secluded that it felt safe and adventurous all at the same time. Of course, it was party central for any teens, thanks to the taverna’s staging and outdoor dance floor, but that was a secret from any prying adults.

Within minutes, the girls had rushed out, dragging Raja’s boat onto the shore so they could sail away to safety. Sharon closed her eyes and let the salty air refresh her, letting the breeze blow her hair back as the sea spray flicked her skin. This was comfort and safety. Out in the open, surrounded by the blue of the ocean and the blue of the sky, nothing could hurt her. God couldn’t judge her here. She was untouchable.

They disembarked at the dock, taking each other’s hands and running all the way up, fraught with giggles. Something about the island just filled them with a sense of joy. It was only when they climbed to the highest point on the island, a sandy cliff-face that had only rocks and flowers, that they calmed down.

Sharon sat onto one of the rocks. “I can’t take this anymore. I’m going insane, girls.”

“I’m not surprised,” Jinkx replied, squatting in a decidedly unladylike manner over another rock. “It’s the same every time.”

“I mean, what’s the point?” Sharon asked. “I don’t care about what happens when I die, and whether I get into some fictional fucking Heaven. I care about now, in the moment. But nothing is happening in the moment because I’m so fucking restricted! By her, and that stupid fucking God!”

Raja nodded. “We gotta get you out of this shit before she brainwashes you. Keep rebelling and keep holding on, girl.”

Sharon sighed. “The stupid bint just keeps getting worse and worse, which just drives me to do more. I didn’t get back this morning until half an hour before we needed to leave. Plus she found those vodka bottles I hid the other week and went fucking berserk at me. Fuck her and fuck her stupid-ass rules.”

“Yes!” Raja and Jinkx cheered in unison. “Fuck her!”

“And fuck my dad for going off to Spain to be a fucking missionary. Fuck the entire fucking religion.”

Sharon took a deep breath. “Okay, it’s out of my system. So, what’s happening tomorrow? Same set?”

Jinkx shrugged. “I’d say so. With any luck, those hot siblings will be there again.”

She and Raja exchanged a knowing look.

“Shut up!” Sharon squealed, bursting into laughter. “You did not fuck a sibling each! You did not!”

“WE DID!” Raja screeched, giggling. “We really did!”

“You’re so bad!” Sharon laughed, wiping a stray tear from her eye. “I can’t believe you. That’s amazing.”

Jinkx snorted, which set them all off again into a fit of hysterical laughter.

“You know, that’s the next step. To piss off your mom.” Raja observed.

Sharon frowned. “Huh?”

“Thou shalt not commit adultery.” Raja recited solemnly, her hand on her chest in a mockery of a promise. “Girl, commit some fucking adultery and discover the wonderful world of premarital sex.”

Sharon grinned. “I’m not gonna fuck just to piss my mom off! When I find the right guy or girl I’ll do it, but not for her. She’s not worth that much.”

“Atta girl!” Jinkx reached over for a high five. “And when you do choose to lose your virginity, do tell us all the details. I miss being pure.”

“Aww, you think I’m pure?” Sharon teased, cupping her hands in prayer. “A little angel?”

“Not with those dance moves last night, sweetheart.” Raja butted in, standing up to do a horrifically inaccurate impression. “Sexy as hell!”

The three collapsed into peals of giggles once again.

When the sun began to sink towards the horizon, painting the island in beautiful shades of copper, the girls made their way back to the boat, ready to sail away from their bubble of paradise. Sharon felt her heart tugging as they left, wanting nothing more than to stay and bask in the beginnings of the warm summer evenings. At home, a strict schedule and disappointment awaited her. Her heart sank like the sun beneath the waves as they moored, stepping back onto the mainland.

“Let’s take the long way round,” Sharon said softly, her friends catching on immediately. In silent solidarity, they each wrapped an arm around her as they walked, browsing leisurely through the market stalls to waste as much time as they could.

Familiar faces went past like always, driving Sharon insane with the repetition. Her life needed something new, desperately.

I wasn’t made for this, she thought, eyeing the unwavering structure of the world around her. I was never meant to do what everyone else is doing.

Sharon wondered, briefly, if the out-of-place feeling would ever stop, until she saw him.

He was stood alone at the tourist information stall, purchasing a map. His hair was dark, slightly curly, in a tousled mess atop his head. Though she couldn’t see all of him, Sharon could tell he was lean and muscular, and she was mesmerised by the movement of his pink lips as he spoke in a husky voice.

“Fuck me, he is gorgeous.” She breathed, turning to Raja and Jinkx and then back to him.

He turned, offering her a crooked, mischievous smile and a cocked eyebrow. “Was that you?”

“Might’ve been.” Sharon responded coyly. “What’s it to you?”

He chuckled, the sound like music to Sharon’s ears, and offered his hand. “You little minx. I’m Justin, I’m here on vacation. I thought I’d get out and see all the hidden wonders of the world.”

She took it. “Sharon. How’s that going for you? I live here on the mainland and I haven’t found any hidden wonders.”

Justin shrugged, a flirtatious smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “I’m looking at one right now. Maybe you could show me some more?”

In spite of herself, Sharon blushed. This handsome stranger was doing all kinds of crazy things to her mind, and yet they were only flirting. She had never felt this way before.

“You ever been to that little island over there?” She asked, pointing towards the landmass in the near distance. Justin shook his head.

“You’re in luck.” Sharon smiled. “Meet me there, six in the evening tomorrow. There’s a fantastic show at the taverna that I’m sure you’ll love”

Justin nodded slowly, impossibly suave. “With you, I’d go anywhere.”

#rpdr fanfiction #purecamp #our last summer #shalaska #sharon needles #alaska thunderfuck #raja gemini #jinkx monsoon #group fic #submission #m/f au #mamma mia au

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readsfortunes · 6 years

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PERMANENT PLOTTING CALL, like this post if you’re interested in plotting with any of my muses and I’ll IM everyone <3 short descriptions with links are below the cut to help out as well, and the list will be updated if/as I make more muses. (mutuals only, and please specify which muse you’d like to plot with!!)

Sabine Beavoir aka Nightshade (fandomless cyberpunk oc)

Sabine is an assassin in a cyberpunk universe, which I am currently building. She was brought into this world by her mentor, who helped her years ago when she killed her father after he killed her mother and locked her and her sister in a room for three days. Sabine is very sadistic, she only does hired kills (lies, sometimes she strays from the path and does it purely for fun), but she really enjoys it. Verse-wise, I can work around to fit her into marvel or dc universes if needed, but anything that has a sci-fi atmosphere works.

Calliope Espinosa (fandomless vampire oc)

Callie’s a very powerful vampire. In the setting I created for her, she became the leader of an entire faction of vampires, and within that group she is called La Reina. She’s the owner of a vampire bar and cabaret, where all types of creatures are welcome as long as they respect her and her vamps. And the humans that come along are probably gonna turn into food. And yes, I will admit, she was heavily inspired by FDTD’s Kisa. She can fit in many different verses, anything works as long as she’s still a vampire.

Venus Von Spanx (fandomless drag queen oc)

Venus is a drag performer and dominatrix, owner and manager of a sex club called The Kink Machine (name probably to be changed). I still have a few details to work out about her, but it’s pretty simple, she’s a human oc that can fit many many verses.

Natalia Kaisekamp aka Personification of Lust (fandomless oc)

So Natalia has two verses that matter: one where she REALLY is the personification of sin, and one where experiments where done on her by what is called The Sin & Virtue project (also set in my cyberpunk universe). In this cyberpunk verse, she has no memory of her actual life, just memories that were implanted on her, they’ve made her believe she is the personification of Lust, just as they’ve done to the other people in this project, created for unknown purposes.

Václav Koller (Deus Ex franchise)

Václav is the owner of a bookstore called The Time Machine, which is actually a front for his real business: illegal underground augmentation clinic. He does neuroplastic surgery for people who still have augments (and the money to pay for this kind of stuff), but his clientele is mostly criminals.

Donovan (The Red Strings Club)

Donovan is a bartender and information broker, but for reasons yet unknown, he cannot leave his bar. His body also rejects modifications, and he’s one of the only humans who hasn’t had anything implanted or modified.

Nine Ball (Ocean’s 8)

Nine Ball is an amazing hacker, and currently owns her own bar, due to the money she gained from the heist. And……… I don’t know what else to say bc there’s not much about her in the movie and I’m a dumbass and don’t remember her real name. But I’ll work on this.

Lara Croft (Tomb Raider)

(I follow the Survivor Timeline) Daughter of a wealthy archeologist, Lara grew up in a big house with a fascination for all things ancient and historical, dreaming of being like her dad one day. However, his incessant research into eternal life (due to the death of Lara’s mother, Amelia), drew him further and further into reclusion, causing Lara to rebel against him for many years. After his death, and recently out of college, Lara decided to look into her father’s research, going into places he had been or spoken about, which garnered her a few interesting adventures.

Mollymauk Tealeaf (critical role)

(quick disclaimer: i still haven’t totally caught up with campaign 2 and i haven’t finished campaign 1, sorry). Molly’s a bloodhunter tiefling with purple skin and horns as ostentatious as his wardrobe. After being found repeating the word empty over and over, Molly was taken in to the Fletching and Moondrop Travelling Carnival of Curiosities, with which he travelled for 2 years alongside Yasha before the two of them joined forces with some more outcasts and formed the Mighty Nein. I am still undecided if there will be a non-fantasy verse for Molly, but.... probably not, for now, it’s all DnD centered. (But I would love having some stuff set before the campaign btw!!)

Zia Rodriguez (Jurassic World)

Zia is a paleo-veterinarian, having always dreamt of working on the island, however that never came to be because the incident happened soon after she accepted an internship at the park. Eventually, she joined the DPG to help with their efforts, hoping to study the dinosaurs once they were rescued, and to one day be able to tell the world more about these creatures.

The White Widow (Mission Impossible)

Alanna and her brother Zola are the children of Max Mitsopolis, a world-renowned arms dealer from whom they inherited the business. At some point, Max turned to using her illegally-obtained money for charitable purposes, something Alanna kept doing as well.

Bloody Mary (Fables / The Wolf Among Us)

A socipathic killer, Mary was the henchwoman for the Crooked Man before his death (verse based on choosing to kill the Crooked Man in TWAU). She left Fabletown for a while after getting severely injured by Bigby Wolf, hiding and plotting her next course of action. Mary’s back now, taking Crooked’s business for herself, intent on becoming a crime boss. Mundies call her Bloody Mary, an old legend that dares children to summon her in a bathroom mirror by repeating her name, and she visits all those who have the audacity of bothering her, teaching them a quite bloody lesson.

#hey there demons! it’s me ya local cryptid ♠ ooc.#plotting call

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xnotyourdarlingx · 6 years

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i was tagged by the darling @honeyangelique ! sorry for not doing the other tags.. ♡

♡what four flowers would you grow in your garden?

tiger lillies, roses, delphiniums & amaryllis

♡ if you fell in love with a mythical being, what would they be

a merman; whom roams the sea. or an angelic being

♡ describe an ideal date?

my ideal date is enjoying a lovely picnic we packed, with lovely sandwiches & juice boxes bc it makes us feel younger. than whenever night time comes, lying underneath the stars, on a makeshift bed of blankets sprawled across the grass, with lots of pillows. or a hammock. we could lay down, cuddling each other, while watching the stars. & talking about the littlest things, like our aspirations and dreams. or staring into each others eyes, smiling like crazy. while soft music plays in the background. just admiring our time together. no grand restaurant. just us.

♡ describe a favourite memory?

i have so many darling memories. i'd have to choose just one, instead of compiling a list. but my favourite memory recently has been whenever me & my friends and family went to a movie in the park. we got to talk and play around, joking with each other. it was such a beautiful experience; being able to finally have friends to do stufd with outside of school. another special memory is the first time we hung out. we went to a friends house & stayed up late playing video games and laughing at the silliest things! <3

♡ you get one wish; what is it?

if wishing for an infinite amount of wishes was a possibility, i'd go for that option w/o a single doubt. overall, my greatest wish would that we all lived in a lovely world where hate has never once existed. a peaceful place inhabited by animals & the most gorgeous garden known to mankind. with beautiful cottage houses, and streams. i know that might seem childish; but i've always wanted to escape reality & reside in a heavenly world akin to eden. it would be magnificent. another wish i'd desperately want is that other fans and i may get our one wish. meeting our idols. the ones we look up to & who have saved our lives countless times. or cheered us up a lot.

♡ something someone did that made you happy? it can be someone famous or someone you know!

recently, my friend has been very supportive of my writing. she drew my main character, honey. it touched my heart that she wanted to draw her, even though it took two hours to complete it since it was a digital drawing. it is breathtaking, in many ways.

♡ what would you sell your soul for?

let's be honest, i'd sell my soul to live inside a world where the lines of fictional & reality blurred together. where anime & everything else was real. it'd be a dream to talk to fictional characters.

♡ a favourite song & what it makes you think of?

serendipity by jimin might be my favourite song. essentially, the song reminds me of snuggling underneath the covers of a blanket with your s/o. it reminds me of a super pure love; full of hand holding, small kisses on the cheek & lots of tickle fights. just super innocent & adorable.

♡ if you could live in the universe of a book, which book would it be?

it would be terrifying, but i'd love to live in the universe of children of eden. i'd have it good, being a first born child. but it would be thrilling to assist the second born survive in a world that wants them dead. sad as it is. even meeting lark & rowan would be super amazing. they're such headstrong, independent woman!

♡ do you prefer writing letters or recieving them?

i prefer recieving. it's more fun reading someone elses wonderful cursive, & i suck at writing letters to others. i used to have a penpal, but i always get so busy that i don't necessarily have time to write. but it was fun learning about her life in another part of the world & what she likes or disliked. plus my handwriting is messy. so it gets on my nerves.

♡ a favourite poetry quote?

i don't know enough poetry yet to answer this..

♡ and lastly, a piece of wisdom; what would you tell someone if they asked you for wisdom?

honestly, it's gonna sound super clichè, but i want to encourage students to stay in class & study hard. learning complicated math formulas & proper grammar is important. i get it; why take advice from someone who has horrible grammar. but it's crucial to know these things. plus, higher grades will help you land a good college & a well paying job. if you're experiencing a rough time at school, just remember i'm always open to talking to you. <3 one last sentiment; you're gorgeous. i want you to take a moment to look in the mirror. take a few deep breaths. that person staring back at you? that's someone who will live to do spectacular things in their lifetime. unless you're doing it at 12 & you said bloody mary. get outta there fast. but no lie. you were destined to make so many people happy. if people in school are rude, screw them. you're perfect. the only copy out there. so if you're considering anything that might make us lose such an irreplaceable being, just know i would miss you. so would everyone else. you are someones soulmate. someones best friend. someones co-worker. maybe even the next beyoncè ( we ly queen bee ). i wish you the very best out of life. may your days be blessed with lots of love & hugs. i can't stress this enough, you are wonderful in every way.

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raulsparza · 7 years

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Great Comet 8/17

I was sitting stage left banquettes, row BC. A lot of this is stuff I didn’t notice the first time around in the orchestra, or specific actor interactions!

-I told the usher who showed me to my seat that he had, the best job in the world and he wholeheartedly eagerly agreed with me, saying he gets to watch the full show every other night and that he’s started sitting on the opposite side of the stage to get a different view. Everyone involved in this show loves it with everything they have and that is part of what makes it so special.

-During Prologue Natasha and Sonya cross arms so Natasha drinks Sonya’s shot and Sonya drinks Natasha’s shot what cuties!

-Dolokhov fist bumps so much i love the little party man

-at “minor charaaacterrrrs’ an ensemble member made eye contact with me and put his thumb and pointer finger close together. I did the same and he nodded emphatically

-Scott Stangland was on as Pierre and honestly his physical acting blows me away? He moved so slowly and heavily. It seemed like every step took such immense effort because he’s just so weighed down with despair. It really helped me sympathize with Pierre even more than I already had

-From where I was sitting Pierre’s back was to me when he sat at the piano, but the spot where sheet music usually goes was mirrored, so I was able to see his facial expressions! which is just, so genius. When Pierre wasn’t there the conductor placed an ipad with all his sheet music there

-Anatole walked across stage and rolled his eyes at Pierre when he sang ‘left it toothless and bald’ and ensemble members on the staircase next to me laughed/pointed fingers at Pierre :(((

-Marya hits every note with such a wonderful balance of aggression and playfullness and it will never cease to amaze me

-Sonya and Natasha held hands as they walked aw

-Mary and old prince Bolkonsky were onstage this whole time, in the area below the platform by the big door. Mary was reading a bible and bolkonsky was whittling. He trembles SO MUCH him holding a pocket knife was. a fright.

-At bolkonsky’s “people enjoy me though” I felt a light on me and he made direct eye contact with me and squinted and I squinted back and then he like nodded and waved and I waved back and then he continued singing

-Marya played a cowbell upstage later on in the song

-I was like right in line with the violist and two cellists and I kept getting distracted by how crazy their shifts and slides are omg

-During the Opera for “no I am enjoying myself at home this evening” Pierre did a half-hearted/sarcastic ‘raise the roof’ motion

-there is one point, I cannot for the life of me remember when it happened bc I was so caught off guard, but Anatole like crawled on the woman in front of me and had his mouth up to her ear and his hand was on the back of the seat literally inches away from my knee and it was. A lot. ((later he gave this woman the most intense bedroom eyes and like, damn. Natasha, girl, I get it))

- At anatole’s “we’re off to the club” he dramatically swings on his leather vest, grabbing it out of Pierre’s salon

-at one point Anatole turned away from pierre and leaned on a bar and blew air out of his mouth to flutter his lips it was so goofy

-okay the strobe lights paired with the music so intense I could feel the stage vibrating paired with everyone in the fricken bdsm leather outfits made for,, the most surreal experience of my entire life

-Marya dragging that riding crop slooooowwwllyy through her legs like? kill me? wow?

-Balaga literally lifted Sonya up on the ledge above where bolkonsky had been sitting earlier and mimed eating her out and sonya tilted her head back so it was kinda under another girl’s skirt geez. And then later at the bouncy ‘here’s to the health of married woman’ part balaga gave sonya a piggy back ride?? Like jumping with her on his back omg

-Helene and Dolokhov full on kiss and the music short circuits and everyone falls to the ground and it was so fricken intense

-Pierre puts his arms out before Dolokhov raises his gun like he’s just so ready to die and it. h u r t s

-after dolokhov shot pierre doubled over and stayed that way for so long. Long enough for an ensemble member to lean over and mime to ask if he was okay

-dust and ashes started off so tentatively and timidly he’s so hurt and scared but by the end he’s fiercely grabbing the air in front of him, so resolved to change and I love love love the contrast

-during charming two people hold up the dress for Natasha to glide into and then she walked downstage a little and looked at Helene like um, help? And then the two girls came up and buttoned the back of the dress for her.

-Natasha’s eyes glittered so intently during the ball. Her and Anatole dancing was so mesmerizing it really felt like they were the only two people in the room

-when she said ‘you’re hurting my hand’ Anatole released her so quickly and held his hands up in surrender and shook his head a little

-anatole and Natasha kissed for like a full minute and everyone on stage, every ensemble member, every musician, every part of the cast, held a glass of water and rubbed the rim to produce such an eerie sound. I didn’t see anyone pick up or put down these glasses I swear they materialized out of thin air

-during letters Anatole went on his knees and wrapped his arms around natashas waist and she makes a stubborn ‘I won’t look at you face’ and averts her eyes. Anatole kept moving his head around to try and make eye contact and he held out the last just say yessssss for so long his voice wavered and almost cut out and then came back in lucas steele is so good at hogging all of the attention

-sonya alone made me cry so very very much bc brittain ashford is a literal goddess

-anatole fumbled putting his suspenders on during preperations and I don’t know if it was lucas having trouble or Anatole being nervous but either way it was adorable

-Before the show started we had all been instructed that, at the line ‘everyone raise a glass’ we were supposed to mime raising a glass. We all practiced. It was swell. Cut forward to the abduction. I’m mesmerized by anatole’s coat. So mesmerized that I didn’t fully process that he had sung “everyone raise a glass” until I saw Marya out of the corner of my eye. I turn and shes glaring at me. So intensely. Of course she is. I missed my cue. I’ve brought shame on this family. I tentatively raise an arm, miming holding a glass. She leans across the couple sitting next to me and really aggressively puts two arms out in front of her. In my face. In this moment I thought Grace McLean was literally and truly going to strangle me, and I was ready. But my self-preservation instincts kicked in and I raised my other arm as well. She started to back away and then I pick up my water bottle and lift that, so I have one arm miming a glass and the other holding a water bottle and finally she looked satisfied. Thoroughly exasperated, but satisfied.

-everyone swayed back and forth in the audience once we were all successfully raising glasses and it was really special

-Dolokhov handed his guitar to the kid in front of me and shouted “can you hold this?? I need to go DANCE!”

-Anatole wildly and randomly playing his violin with the most crazed look on his face

-Helene and Marya kissing and touching, teasing and hungry

-Pierre started to do the ‘woooaaAAhhaHHh’ bit but he stopped, breathing heavy. Faked starting again and stopped and then finally did it for real LOL

-for ‘that’s the way’ about the fur coat Cathryn caught my eye and pointed and nodded

-During my house (which marya killed. I mean of course she did. She had almost strangled me for not following directions of course she was able to rip anatole kuragin a new one with just her voice), at one point when Natasha was running away Sonya leaned forward and silently mouthed PLEASE with so much horror and helplessness

-When pierre went to find Anatole, Anatole was lying with his head in helenes lap and she was petting his hair

-later when pierre was confronting Anatole with how awful he was Anatole was cowering and pulling at his hair so stressed and overwhelmed

-when Andrey is done talking with pierre he goes upstage and pushes past mary so gruffly but also in an annoying brotherly way. Poor mary. Always poor mary.

-Natasha walked down the stairs sO gingerly, toes, mid-foot, heel, whole body shakes, hands gripping the bannister with every ounce of strength she had

-pierre delivered the spoken lines so shyly/tenderly, ashamed of himself and who he was. I cried.

-and I sobbed through the entirety of the last song. From where I was the comet was in my line of sight before pierre, so being able to see that giant force of energy and looking just past that to see pierre, dwarfed in comparison, gazing up in such awe, wrecked me. The eerie tangling otherworldly notes are the perfect way to end the show, as everyone stares along with pierre at the great comet of 1812

And, this is my short version. Oh dear. If anyone read this and wants to talk even more in depth about this beautiful beautiful show pls do that immediately.

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shadowclarys · 7 years

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i’m a little late, but i just watched the pll series finale and i’m a little mad and SO UPSET

don’t proceed if you don’t wanna get SPOILERS (although i believe everyone’s already watched it)

i thought it was shit that AD was twincer (alex drake) - mainly because most of spoby scenes in this season, apparently, it wasn’t spencer, so I’M VERY UPSET, which kinda makes me question WHAT SPOBY SCENES IN THE SERIES WERE REALLY SPOBY, so

btw, someone from the cast or the crew (maybe even marlene, idk) - i don’t really follow their tweets/interviews bc i’m always busy af so - said AD was there since the pilot?????? does that mean maybe alex was pretending to be spencer in a scene or more? THEY KEEP MAKING THIS TWISTED GAMES WITH OUR MINDS WHEN IS IT EVER GONNA STOP

and when hanna was hold captive and spencer appeared in some kind of illusion to her, i thought the twincer theory was a good one, but they kinda managed to make it a bad thing for me as i had imagined it would go totally different at that time (if it were real) - the theory started in early s7, so we couldn’t have known it was a real deal back then but i already pictured some things happening later in the series if it were true - btw, it was a good theory back then to me also because then spaleb could be fake BUT NOOOOOOOOO NOW WE WILL NEVER KNOW WHAT WAS REAL AND WHAT WAS NOT WHAT WAS SPENCER WHAT WAS ALEX I SRSLY AM SO MINDFUCKED RIGHT NOW

besides, alex doesn’t really have a motive to torture the girls????? it’s not their fault, not even spencer’s, that she got a terrible life. it’s not the girls’ fault that charlotte died. it’s not their fault that it took so long to find out who killed charlotte. it’s not like they were better, smarter, idk, than the police to figure it out???? WHAT IS THE POINT OF ALL THIS? you could say it’s because she’s insane and just evil but still wtf (and she certainly wasn’t before she met wren and knew about charlotte etc so????)

(ok i don’t remember how jenna got blind after her surgery, but it doesn’t matter, i guess) (this does tho: i don’t remember many things about the series bc a lot happened so i might be wrong about this one, but still) SERIOUSLY, JENNA KEPT BEING BLIND? she was one of the most motivated people to hate the girls, to want to screw them over, etc BUT SHE STILL NEVER ACTUALLY DID SOMETHING AGAINST THEM WITH THE INTENTION OF DESTROYING THEM. she only got in the AD team because she needed money for her surgery, NOT TO RUIN THE LIARS’ LIVES. she even WARNED them (through toby, but still) that spencer wasn’t truly spencer, but a twin sister she didn’t know about until now. ps: ‘i may not be able to see, but i can smell a bitch a mile away‘ will be forever in my heart JENNA IS A FUCKING QUEEN AND SHE DESERVED BETTER

btw, what happened to sydney? they just simply forgot about her lol

i wanted SO BADLY, right from the start, for lucas to be in the A(D) team. we were so close to that, and i was so happy, only to be even more frustrated later in the finale. we didn’t even get to know more of his story with charles, which could be something to make him be a part of the AD team. UGH SO MUCH POTENTIAL WASTED, I’M SO MAD

and let me just add here: that idk where from accent was SO BAD. not because troian isn’t natural from somewhere with that accent or because we’re used to her american one, but it didn’t really add much to the character? it just kept distracting me from the story alex was trying to tell and every word she spoke just made me make an ‘ew’ face.

btw was i the only one who saw RIGHT AT THE MOMENT it wasn’t a mirror AND THAT IT WAS ANOTHER PERSON (obviously, the twincer) when spencer was touching her hair and alex did the same so she would think it was a mirror and bla bla bla? i guess some people might have jumped off when she said ‘boo’ haha but anyways that reveal was epic, i must admit it. not the mirror illusion thingy, i thought it was kinda cliché tbqh, i always expected that if the twincer theory was real, but the ‘boo’ was nice lol

moving on tho, i thought the liars didn’t get a certain end. spoby was just mentioned, we never saw them getting together again. we deserved at least a hug or a kiss scene (after alex was arrested, to be obvious it was spoby). toby was doing that helper thingy and stuff, but he needs to make some money to live????? spencer just got into law school, i mean???? does that mean she’s still living with her parents? ezria had the wedding, but are they gonna get money only from the movie of their book? they should have gotten a definitive job idk. and ok they’re gonna adopt a child, but i wanted to see more of that. haleb got that boring elope AND I WANTED A WEDDING, HANNA IN A BEAUTIFUL DRESS, CALEB IN A TUXEDO, EXCUSE ME, I DEMAND THIS SCENE TO BE SHOT!!!!!!!! emison never found out their babies’ father was wren????? and are they still teaching at the school?

it also doesn’t make sense that alex accepted mona in the AD team after knowing she was the one who killed charlotte, so?????

and IS MONA REALLY NOT IN A SANATORY AFTER GETTING IN THESE MANIPULATIVE GAMES SO MANY TIMES, HOW COME SHE GOT TO LIVE OUT OF A MENTAL HOSPITAL??????? or if that little world of her is actually a sanatory, HOW would they allow her to play with mary and alex? and how would she get a boyfriend? THAT WOULD BE LIKE THE GUY’S ABUSING HER wtf it might be a sanatory, but i think it isn’t, so... and how did she get mary and alex out of prison and locked them in her own ‘dungeon’???????

i srsly think alex and mona should have died, especially alex, but whatever

also WON’T HALEB EVER GET THEIR HONEYMOON???????????

I WANNA SEE EZRIA’S HONEYMOON TOO

fuck, so many cool things from their lives were left out i’m so sad ): i wanted to see emison’s labor, emily holding alison’s hand, the babies’ names (maybe if it were two boys one would be named after emily’s dad, or if it were girls they could name them after other beloved people - idek if the babies are boys or girls smh) the liars waiting outside; i wanted to see the girls making a career, getting their lives together, A PROPER HALEB WEDDING, A PROPER SPOBY ENDGAME SCENE, ezria and haleb’s honeymoons, ugh

EMISON WEDDING REPRESENTING LGBT+ COMMUNITY <3

perhaps ezria deciding to get pregnant through emily’s belly (since she didn’t carry her own children, it would be sweet, you know) or even alison’s

maybe aria’s, hanna’s and emison’s kids playing with each other :3

the only ship that got a full ‘circle’/closure, with a wedding, a honeymoon (even if it wasn’t shown), a future planned and kind of concrete was ezria. haleb got a crappy ‘wedding’ and a (2-second-announcement - if it was even that long - of) pregnancy (i’d like to see caleb kissing her belly, they finding out the baby’s sex, picking a name...), emison got a shitty proposal (although they had some cute scenes, like the picnic one), spoby didn’t even get a kiss, not even a hug, fml, i’m so angry.

can i just say “i'll think of all that might have been” (quoting evermore from batb bc it just fits right in lol - i’m actually crying as i type ‘lol’ tho)

it left us with unsolved things that probably will never be explained (perhaps there’s not even any explanation, since it wasn’t planned from the start and it turned into this gigantic mess with no links at all and no way to be fixed)

the show was supposed to end with answers but all it gave us was more questions

i’m upset :/

#pll finale #pll spoilers #me #pllfinale #pll #pllspoilers

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thenugking · 7 years

Text

The Adventures of Mary Suesland Chapter 1

Here it is start of the worst thing i have ever written

Warnings for abuse from parents (of the “evil for no reason” kind) and cheating, homophobia (gay men are hot, lesbians are gross), unrealistic sex, and just the fact that this fic is really bad.

(Disclaimer: Make all the mary sues and self inserts u want, do not take this as me saying it’s bad. i just wrote this fic bc it was fun.)

CHAPTER 1

“You’re ten minutes late home, Emelerana!” my mum said accusingly.

“I’m sorry,” I told her. “Something really upsetting happened.” I didn’t want to tell my parents, because I knew they’d just make fun of me for it, but I’d discovered that my boyfriend, Chad was cheating on me with my best friend, Kylee. The two people I thought cared about me most in the world had betrayed me! Kylee had always teased me meanly, but we’d been friends since nursery, I never thought she’d do something like this! And I’d thought what I had with Chad was special. He’d seemed such a sweet guy and had told me he loved me. I’d even given him my virginity! It felt like such a waste now!

“That’s no excuse!” my dad said. “You’re grounded for a week!”

I tried to object that most 18 year olds don’t have such strict curfews, but they just glared at me and locked me in my bedroom in the basement. I felt my eyes well with all the tears I’d kept in after seeing Kylee and Chad together, I hadn’t wanted to look weak in front of them, but now I began to sob.

I gazed into my mirror sadly. My violet orbs were filled with tears and they were running down my porcelain skin. I was so plain-looking and ugly compared to Kylee! My cascade of raven locks just couldn’t compare with the golden curls of her hair, nor her big blue eyes. And while I was curvy, my body was petite. She was almost a foot taller than me and had slightly larger boobs. I sighed, knowing I could never be as beautiful as she was.

I raised a hand to wipe the tears from my eyes and took a deep breath. I had to be strong, and get through this! I just needed to take my mind off the pain of the betrayal. My parents had cut off my access to the internet the other week, as punishment for doing badly in english literature. I’d told them it was just because my teacher hated me - for some reason she’d always picked on me, ever since I started the class, maybe because I seemed to understand the reading better than she did - and gathered proof that she was marking me badly for no reason, but they’d just laughed cruelly at me. Not that I could have used my computer to contact anyone, without Kylee or Chad I didn’t have any friends.

I decided that instead, I would play Dragon Age Origins. I’d always loved the Dragon Age games, even though I got bullied a lot for being a nerd for liking them. But when I was playing them, it was like I was transported out of my nightmarish life and into the magical world of Thedas, and surrounded by real friends. I decided I’d start a new game, as a human noble. That was always my favourite Origin story.

I was torn between playing a male or female character. I usually played female, and female human nobles were the best because they could marry Alistair and become Queen, which was the most amazing and romantic ending. But on the other hand, maybe I should play a male character for a change. Then I could romance Zevran, because he liked other men, and that would be really hot. I’d never romanced him before, I tried sometimes but then I’d meet Alistair and just fall in love all over again. But before I could make my mind up, but computer suddenly broke down! I gave a cry of despair, today was truly the worst day of my life.

I threw myself down on my bed and fell asleep, sobbing.

When I woke up, something felt different. My bed was really hard and uncomfortable, but not this much, it felt as though I was lying on the floor. And it felt like I was in a much bigger space than my tiny cramped basement bedroom. I opened my eyes and gasped, I really was somewhere else!

I sat up and looked around and realised I was in Castle Cousland! Bryce, Eleanor and Duncan were standing in the Great Hall looking at me. I gasped.

“Who are you? Where did you come from?” Bryce asked.

“I’m Emelerana,” I said. “I come from another world. But I know all about you! You’re Bryce and Eleanor Cousland, and Warden Commander Duncan! And...” I looked around. “Wait a minute!” I gasped. “If Duncan’s here, this must be the night that Howe betrays you!” And maybe that was how I’d ended up here! The betrayal I felt at Chad and Kaylee was so uniquely strong, it had connected me across worlds to the Couslands, who were also about to be devastatingly betrayed!

“Howe wouldn't betray us!” exclaimed Bryce. “I’ve known him too long. He’s my best friend!” I shook my head. “No, his men will attack the castle tonight and kill everyone. Only your child survives.”

Bryce and Eleanor looked at each other. “We can’t possibly believe her,” they said. “But she seems so nice. We must look after her.” They called Ser Gilmore to take me to a guest room. I gasped. He was even more handsome than he was in the game.

“I’m Ser Gilmore,” he said.

“I’m Emelerana,” I said.

“It’s lovely to meet you, Emelerana. If you don’t mind me saying, you’re the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen.”

I blushed and kissed him. Then, he took me to my room where we got undressed and fell upon each other in a passion. I gasped when he pulled out his throbbing manhood and moaned as he slid it into my channel of love. Then, I felt it bump against something. I gasped again, in surprise, rather than lust this time. My hymen had grown back while traveling between Earth and Thedas! I would be able to give Gilmore my virginity! He thrust in and out of me passionately and I moaned in pleasure, my breasts heaving. This was my first time having sex and I would always remember this moment, not least because Gilmore was incredibly talented. We cried out each other’s names as his manliness exploded into fireworks inside me, making my heart flutter in my own passion. Afterwards we lay in each other’s arms happily.

Suddenly, I remembered that Ser Gilmore died in Howe’s attack and burst into tears.

“What’s wrong?” he asked me.

“I don’t want you to die!” I said. “I don’t want anyone here to die! Howe’s going to kill everyone but no one will believe me!”

“I believe you,” Gilmore said. “I’ll help you tell everyone.”

I kissed him again happily. Then, we went to tell all the castle’s guards that there would be an attack tonight, and to make sure they were ready for it. While Gilmore was talking to some guards, I looked around and realised Lady Landra and her son and lady in waiting were standing nearby. I remembered that you could have sex with her son. (And with her lady in waiting, but I didn’t do that because I’m not a lesbian.)

“Hello,” I said to Dairren. He said hello back.

“Would you like to join me in my room tonight?” I asked.

“Of course!” he said.

We smiled at each other. Then, Elissa arrived. She was so beautiful, I was sure Dairren would choose to sleep with her instead. I turned away sadly.

But then, Dairren yelled, “No!” and glared at her. He put his arm around me. “I can’t believe she tried to get me to sleep with her!” he said to me. “What a bitch!”

Elissa glared at me and instead asked Iona to join her in her room. I grinned smugly back at her. She reminded me of Kylee, and I was really pleased she had to have sex with Iona instead of Dairren.

I was on my way back to my room to wait for Dairren when someone else turned the corner towards me. Oh no! I thought. It was Howe. He pointed a dagger at me.

“How dare you tell everyone of my secret plans!” he yelled. “Nevermind, no one will believe you, and I will kill everyone here!” He laughed cruelly.

“No!” I yelled back, tears streaming down my face. “I can’t let you do that!” I ran away, hearing him cursing after me.

I ran into my room and collapsed on the bed crying. I couldn’t let him kill all these people! I had to do something! Then, I heard a knock on my door and Dairren came in to have sex with me. I was so happy to see him, and excited about losing my virginity to him, before I remembered that in the game, Howe’s soldiers killed him if you had sex with them.

I put my hand on his face. “I’m sorry,” I told him softly. “We can’t do this. You’ll die.”

He gazed at me sadly. “But I love you,” he said.

“I love you too,” I told him. “But that's why we can never be together.”

I kissed him sadly, knowing it would be the last time I could, before running out into the hall to go and stop Howe.

It was night now, and I could hear screams and fighting everywhere. Howe’s attack must have already started! I ran along corridors, throwing open doors, trying to find the Couslands so I could help them. Then, I found Elissa’s room. I cried out in horror as I looked inside, Elissa and Iona were dead! Howe had already killed them. I clenched my fists. Elissa had been horrible to me, but I had to be compassionate to look past that. I would avenge her death!

I ran on, returning to the Great Hall. Ser Gilmore was in there, lying on the ground, with blood running down his chest.

“No!” I yelled, falling on my knees next to him, remembering our stolen evening of pleasure earlier. “Please don’t die!”

He looked at me. “Emelerana...” he said. “I didn’t think I could go on, but you’ve given me the strength to keep fighting!” He stood up and stabbed another of Howe’s guards. I cheered him on.

“I have to find Bryce and Eleanor,” I told him.

“That will be dangerous,” he told me, “But you’re strong and brave enough that I’m sure you can do it!”

I found Bryce and Eleanor huddled together next to the escape route in the kitchen, but they weren’t alone… Howe was with them too!

He was pointing a sword at them and laughing evilly. “Now I will kill you both! And Castle Cousland will be mine!”

“No!” I yelled, running towards them, feeling so angry and sad.

He turned to sneer at me, but as he did so, something happened. Fire shot out of my outstretched hands, shooting towards him. Now that I was in Thedas, I must be a mage! Howe screamed as it wrapped around him and fell down, dead.

“Thank you Emelerana!” said Bryce, running towards me and hugging me. “You saved our lives!” “We’re so sorry we didn’t believe you earlier,” said Eleanor, also hugging me. “We were so stupid and wrong!”

I hugged them back. “I forgive you,” I told them kindly. “But something terrible has happened… Howe killed Elissa.”

“Oh no!” Eleanor said, crying.

Bryce looked at me sadly. “It’s our fault Elissa died,” he said. “If we had believed you in the first place, this wouldn’t have happened. But… we’ve lost our daughter and you are alone in this world. Perhaps we could adopt you?”

Eleanor gasped. “That would be wonderful!”

“Yes please!” I told them. “My real parents on earth were really horrible to me, I’d much rather you were my parents instead!”

They beamed at me. “Good!” said Bryce. “Then we should go and celebrate you saving our lives, and our castle!”

We went to celebrate in the Great Hall with everyone else, hardly anyone had died in the attack because Ser Gilmore and I had warned everyone in time! I was kissing Gilmore happily when Duncan approached me.

“I saw you kill Howe,” he told me. “I’ve never seen such powerful magic. And I was very impressed with how brave and resourceful you were, saving everyone. I came here looking for a new Grey Warden recruit. And I would like to recruit you.”

I gasped in surprise. “Oh yes,” Gilmore told me. “You’d make an amazing Grey Warden, you should definitely do it! Although it would hurt so much to lose you.” “It would hurt me too,” I told him. “But Duncan is right. Being a Grey Warden is my destiny.”

I sadly hugged my new parents goodbye, but I promised to come back soon. I remember that in the game, Grey Wardens don’t usually go back to their family after getting recruited, but Duncan promised that I could, since he couldn’t bare to take me away from the Couslands forever. Before I left, they gave me Elissa’s mabari as a gift. He was the most beautiful dog I’d ever seen and when he jumped up and licked me, I knew he’d imprinted on me as his new owner!

“He never actually imprinted on Elissa,” Bryce confided to me. “I think he was just waiting for you to come along.”

I smiled and hugged him and Eleanor again, and kissed Ser Gilmore goodbye. Then, I set off with Duncan to be a Grey Warden.

#dragon age #i wrote some fic #(badly)#cousland origin #parental abuse cw #cheating cw #homophobia cw #modern girl in thedas

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sightofsea · 7 years

Text

this is rly dumb and there is the HUGE chance im going to regret this but ok

basically when i was 15 i wrote an approx. 200k OC doctor who fanfiction featuring a kind of half self insert/half attempt to subvert mary sue comapnion stereotypes named jenna quigley. and ive been thinking about it more lately like the general storyline bc like. idk. n i figured i should write it out.

i should mention this is all 11th doctor era bc i was a huge fan at that time, and it takes place between that time he leaves amy n rory to when he does his farewell tour bc i wanted to try n add some canonical irony that ill get to later

so basically its all narrated from jenna pov as kind of stories she’s telling to the tardis database via recording. why, we don’t know yet. she;s. ok so in the plot she was from our universe n was an AVID fan of the show which like tacky i know but whatever. she starts out 15 and in basically my house and neighborhood (this fic started from a constant daydream i would have of going on adventures w the doctor bc i was a nerdy 15 yo so like. sue me) and there have been a disturbing amount of disappearances in the surrounding area that local police are stuck on. so everyones kinda afraid to go out into their own homes and at one point, jenna is doing something out in her backyard and actually witnesses one of the abductions, but is surprised to see the kidnapper looks like the silence, aka the television show shes been watching. she thinks shes going bonkers. her family leave her alone for the day to go to a thing for one of her siblings and she’s just kind of ruminating on this event when--lo and behold, an officer arrives at her door.

and jenna, she’s very skeptical about this guy. like, given recent events she doesnt trust her own eyes. and the guy is...off. like his badge n credentials, if she concentrates, looks like something else for a flash of a second, and for some reason the figure of him is kind of hazy whenever jenna tries to look directly at him. he is shown to have a quirky, friendly demeanor n jenna figures well, i gotta tell someone about what ive seen, so she invites him in. they have a brief chat n its obvious to the reader that this guy is someone VERY familiar (mostly due to my bad writing at the time) and jenna begins to explain what she saw and how its like this one show she watches, and this guy suddenly becomes very very interested in this before realizing he’s got it all pieced together and asks for jenna’s help in navigating the area to find what is, ultimately, a silence space ship.

jenna agrees and over time realizes this guy is most definitely connected to something in the whoniverse and originally believes he might be a time agent bc that seems more likely given their number as they travel to the ship. its also revealed that the officer has brought jenna along bc the key thing about what she saw is that she actually remembers the silence and can see past perception filters due to the qualities of alternate universe, slightly alternate brain chemistry and so on. its not exactly perfect--she can’t get through perception filters rly, especially good ones--but its enough to know something is wrong n remember certain things others from the dw universe might not be able to like the actual silence aliens themselves.

anyway they make their way to the ship, which has come through a massive tear in reality that the officer came through. in the fic lore i guess tears are seen as usually benign things meant to leak ideas of universes into other universes as a kind of waste disposal system, and as a side effect create inspiration in those who are close to them. this tear, though, became too big, kind of like a leaky pipe, and actual material was able to get through by keeping a frequency from both ends of the tear as a kind of safety rope. and to maintain their energy as a stranded ship the silence have been using humans as batteries. i put a lot of thought into this, i know.

SO once theyre in the ship the “”officer”” (we know who he is by now lets just face it) and jenna are captured n separated. jenna is held hostage and it is revealed she is a part of a second half of the “silence will fall when the question is asked” prophecy which goes “the unexpected shall follow the guided task” (i loved rhymes) which is further revealed to the be the following: change the timeline and destroy the doctor. and jenna, being jenna, is like “listen u guys i dont even know the guy so uh failed step one i guess”. she’s saved by the “”officer”” in the nick of time through work of faulty electrical work (like? i know its for style but the silence have all those lights on the floor n it is VERY dangerous) so the whole ship is blacked out n she hears the differently pitched speech patterns (”why do u sound all different” “they took my equipment nevermind lets go”) and after doing some work to reverse the frequency and basically make the ship implode back into its original universe they run back to jenna’s home in the dark, seeing as she was out for quite a bit. her family is conveniently not home yet n decided to hang out with some friends. and when she gets back n is finally in the light SURPRISE!!! turns out the officer was the doctor all along in disguise from the silence using a perception filter. 15 year old me was a literary genius.

n u might think hannah this is rly long is it done now and of course it isnt!! that was just the intro!! after the initial shock jenna kind of parses what era the doctor is from, which is pre-silencio but after finding out about it n in that 200 yr stretch that was never rly shown. and jenna’s like, a whole season ahead of him basically and knows all this stuff and is trying to engage with this guy she’s a huge fan of without like accidentally spilling the beans on his future. she sits him down to explain the whole tv show thing n lets him watch an episode while she goes to her room to pack like clothes n her laptop because its not every day the doctor just flies in and she’s 15 so shes like hellz yeah im gonna be a COMPANION not even THINKING of the consequences in terms of the multiverse, the prophecy and her family (she does leave a note but its self centered n kinda lame tbh just like be back whenever). afterwards she walks the doctor back to the tardis and is like so where we gonna go n the doctor looks at her like jenna you are a literal child im not taking you anywhere and jenna though some MASTERY of writing that was basically hey look over there! and doing it anyway sneaks into the tardis when the doctor isnt looking n becomes his stowaway.

for the next few weeks she just kind of chills in the tardis with this fear that the doctor will immediately bring her back home so might as well have fun and kinda sneaks around him and keeps couch hopping from room to room. the tardis does not like her one bit due to the whole different universe funky energies thing (and this was pre-clara and i really wanted to see a companion the tardis didnt like so) and has multiple conversations with it via the interface hologram which meant i could write cameos for classic companions and write the tardis as a character bc i was a nerd.

SO after weeks of casually avoiding the doctor eventually she gets caught by him and hes not happy about it so shes like well ok then send me home n then she gets the real kicker which is the tears all mended up. after the material was put back in place it went back to being benign n too small for anything to travel between. so jenna basically stuck in this foreign universe with a very slim chance of returning back to her old life and her family and friends and she mistakes the doctors anger at the situation for anger at her so shes like basically im all alone here oh god n has a crisis n has a dramatic run off into the bowels of the tardis hallways

eventually the doctor finds her and they bond over being kind of the last of their kind in a way and he takes a kind of fatherly role and is like well youre already here and im miserable on my own so why dont we two birds one stone it n just go on adventures for the time being and takes a kind of fatherly platonic role with jenna bc i was sick of seeing companions hook up with the doctor and was confused as to why they wanted to hook up with him (spoiler alert: huge lesbian)

so they set off on their adventures. the first one was about the doctor and jenna accidentally boarding a ship of genetically engineered soldiers called evos being shipped off to a galactic war and finding out some of them had rebelled and had been camping out in the ships underbelly. they had no mouths but were able to communicate via sign language n empath touch powers of transferable memories. the captain was a bitch who didnt see the evos as living things n eventually in a stand off either offered them a chance for the other, still podded evos to live and for them all to live a horrible life or have the podded evos be ejected into space in return for them to have a chance to fight for their freedom. the choice ended up coming down to jenna, somehow, i think, and she chose freedom and cost the lives of like 200 evos but were able to get the ones they were able to save (about, like, 100 i think) to safety and create their own civilization away from harm on a distant planet and their success and triumph to live their own lives i guess canceled out the fact that jenna played a part in the deaths of 200 beings. it was. i dont even know

the next “episode” after a brief interlude of less impactful adventures and discussing mortality was a sherlock crossover episode that im too embarrassed to go into detail about but did reveal jenna’s newly formed abandonment issues due to her stranded in a strange universe situation and the fact she had a self harm problem that, surprise, mirrored mine. her n the doctor went on some more adventures over the next few months that were mentioned in passing. it should be noted that this first “act” i guess takes place over a solid year

the next episode featured river song bc i was gay for her without knowing it and i had just learned about easter island in history class and i decided to expand on one of the adventures said in passing during the series to kind of root my fic in canon bc i was a smarmy bitch. it involved being perceived as gods and the silence and using the flesh as a means of luring villagers to be used as human batteries and also putting a percetion filter on the ship so what was actually a crater was perceived to be a mountain. through this episode we saw the doctor again facing his own mortality, river sitting jenna down after a series of events pieced together her abandonment issues n harm problem n being like you cant rely on the doctor for this alone trust me i know its fun but when it starts ending it wont be. jenna gets kidnapped again by the silence n is reproduced as flesh to try and steer the doctor n river away from saving the day but overcomes that impulse and eventually pulls herself out of it and helps save things.

this episode also imports an important plot device of misplacement, which i shouldve put in earlier if im honest. the basic idea of it, within the fic lore, was that the universe, multiverse, whatever had to compensate for temporal displacement all the time when choices were made, but when big things that would alter history happened--like a giant supposed mountain blowing up 200 years after it had already blew up--it had a fail safe to transport the object causing the harm to the exact place but in a different time where the event would have less of a temporal impact. theres also an important note here where the doctor doesnt recall jenna being with him on their first adventure together. both are setting up the larger plot.

after the deal with the kidnapping and the flesh and all their adventures the doctor becomes kind of protective of jenna because i mean the dude also has abandonment issues like lets be real. so he kind of tones down the danger in fear of jenna dying or getting hurt. i mean, its been a year and theyve kind of become these friends who snark at each other like a family would and its nice that jenna has this person she can trust because she watched the show and like, knows him and knows his tells and calls him out on his bullshit before he can even get started and feels a kind of responsibility for due to the prophecy she was given and the doctor has someone to talk to and someone he also doesnt have to hide from really because she already knows almost everything. theyve been equally protective of each other--jenna keeping the doctor in the dark about the prophecy about her and keeping mum on the fact that she knows he isnt going to die, and the doctor worrying about jenna’s safety and trying not to screw her up like he has past companions to kind of try to atone for his past mistakes and make it up to this girl whose life he kind of unintentionally ruined. ok honestly idk why im getting in depth but i spent. years on this fic you dont understand

so. after a while jenna just kind of calls the doctor out like come on lets at least go somewhere fun and end up spending christmas eve in new york in the forties and befriend this newly single mother and jenna fakes a REALLY BAD accent to get across that her n the doctor are related n poor to gain sympathy. they do all the things she wants like times square and macy’s, where surprise! she sees amy n rory n their son and just kind of like. guides them away from the doctor like guys. this aint ur guy. and it would fuck EVERYTHING up also hi i know your guys’s entire life story, cute kid, etc. they give jenna some advice dealing w the doctor and she tells them that she’ll try her best to make sure he doesnt like, go self hating n all that bullshit n they part ways. her n the doctor meet up again and throughout this whole first part jenna’s been noticing people following her? with like, these weird orange-y eyes. and she thinks like fuck ok this’ll ruin the adventure, maybe theyll leave but they end up starting to go after her and reveal themselves to be a species called the visicheck

after escaping and dumpster diving because the visicheck hunt based on scent, jenna and the doctor start heading towards the single mother’s place for refuge (she had seen their situation n offered a place to spend christmas eve) and on the cab ride over the doctor explains that the visicheck r these ancestors of the family of blood, and basically are lifeless specks that latch onto living things and possess them until they burn them out and move onto the next one. they consume what is the basic energy a thing needs to exist and be alive, and for different species there’s different levels. lets say a dw universe human is ur basic ten on the scale. because of different circumstances in different universes, jenna is basically a 120 on the scale. like, these things could possess her body and use it for centuries to wreck havoc with the kind of energy she holds. and jenna, thinking about the prophecy of changing the timeline and also not wanting to basically be the living dead is like yeah ok fuck this is bad.

they find some brief refuge in the single mothers apartment for a time and enjoy a lovely christmas eve dinner but eventually the visicheck catch up to them. the doctor escorts the single mother n her kid into a cab to get as far away as possible while jenna is just supposed to keep holed up in the apartment, but things arent so easy and they end up breaking in. she’s able to hit them over the head with a pan n kind of stave them off for a bit and heads for the roof, but is eventually backed into a circle. knowing the visichek can’t possess something that is dead and not wanting to potentially endanger the universe just to keep her life jenna jumps off the building in a dramatic fashion that i wrote to play with the carol of the bells because i thought it was cool, and you know what? it was. it really was.

and so jenna dies

at least for a bit

she wakes up in the tardis, rly confused because like, she died. like she knows she did. and the doctors not speaking n acting all broody and she finally gets the story out of him that after she died (posted as an anonymous person in the newspaper, i should note, and put in an unnamed grave to keep the whole “written in stone” thing in line) he kind of. went off on his own for a bit before rly hating himself for letting jenna die right in front of him and went back to catch and save her before she landed, therefore altering the events as it happened. and jenna is...not happy about this. like, one bit. because, in a twist of fate, because she is both living and dead the universe must compensate by going to misplacement, but jenna can’t fully complete the misplacement “”process”” i guess until she is in the exact location she is misplaced from, only different time and all, and in this case she’s in the tardis which almost always has its shields up, so she can’t even complete that bit. so, as explained, the universe will start the process over whenever the tardis decides to fly off again, and send jenna to a different time within the tardis’s general vicinity.

basically, she’s gonna be stuck hopping around the doctor’s timeline. like, all of it, until she finally meets up with the right doctor who knows her n has been past this point. which could take years for her. and, mind you, the task she was “assigned” in the prophecy was to change the timeline, and as a result destroy the doctor. so this is basically jenna’s worst nightmare, and she finally spills the beans about the prophecy in a fit of anger before trying to say goodbye and being whisked off

and this is where the angst stuff happens

basically, for the next year or so (when i rewrite in my head its two years, makes more sense) jenna is thrown around one end of the universe to the other, trying to stay out of the way of the doctor’s events while also trying to, you know, survive and eat and drink and sleep. she’s basically a homeless vagabond for most of it, and her abandonment issues and self harming kind of escalate. she begins leading a really lonely life, and grows this kind of love/hate relationship with the doctor where she really hopes to see him again but also grows bitter against him for putting him in this situation. she visits companions before their time with the doctor, like donna, by accident and stumbles through meeting them and trying to just keep going. in her loneliness she starts talking to a version of the doctor in her head, which starts taking more and more of a form to her before its a fully grown kind of hallucination she’s created out of loneliness (which was kind of based off of me being a lonely kid and having pretend conversations with characters to simulate human connection which is. sad. i know. really sad. its a lot).

for a time jenna is stuck with the doctor and martha during the months leading up to human nature/the family of blood, and inadvertently meets martha and gets a job at the school as a fellow maid through helping martha drag the doctor to the place. she figures its the only stability she’ll have for a while and since she was never shown in the show it isnt rly affecting the most important bits of the timeline, and resolves to stay as far away from john smith as she can and just live out her life until the events of the episodes start happening and she’ll vamoose. she adopts an accent to blend in and when she has free time finds the stashed away tardis, which initially does not recognize jenna as a companion until finding archived recordings from the future bc duh its a time machine, which brings the whole pov thing full circle, and interacts with the interface to get answers about her growing questions about the silence and her situation and learns about a device called the cage, which has been alluded to in previous “episodes” only by name, as a great machine created by the silence that is meant to basically make it so that anything inside of it would be erased for existence, past present and future, using energy form the cracks in the universe. this was still at a point in the actual series where we knew nothing so i just kind of went buckwild.

anyways

jenna ends up having to interact with the tenth doctor as john smith once, and kind of aims all of her bitterness towards her future self at him and realizes that isnt fair, apologizes, and has a cathartic moment of finally moving past a grudge with the wrong version of the doctor. eventually the events of the episodes start happening and she vamooses before getting sent off to god knows where again, yippee

eventually through the next year jenna kind of begins to rly lose hope. like, it’s been a year already, she doesn’t know if she can keep living like this. so she makes a deal with herself to wait out until the end of this second year of time travelling vagabonding before she decides to off herself to save herself and the universe the trouble.

she keeps going through the motions and actually stumbles upon a future, post-silencio doctor, with rory and amy in tow, and in a fit of like oh my god relief she kind of runs up to him and is like i found you, finally, holy shit n the doctor looks at her like im sorry but i dont...know you? like i genuinely dont know who you are. you might have ur timelines all switched up. and jenna knows this isnt true and freaks out and kind of just is like, theres like fifteen days until the deadline, all hope is lost, gonna just completely self destruct n cuts her hair and stops eating, but on the day of the actual deadline she keeps stalling as she zaps from place to place before finally deciding to end how it should end by jumping off a building n she has this heartfelt convo with this imaginary figure thats kept her company all this time

so she makes the journey up this apartment building in this basically abandoned future...chicago, i think? yeah. and you know, is about to do when whaddaya know, a familiar voice is calling out for her. she thinks its just the hallucination but eventually realizes that its actually the doctor, one that knows her, and they have this really heartfelt hug before she punches him square in the face

after the fact is a lot of secret keeping on jenna’s side. she doesnt want to be a burden and just kind of wants things to eventually get back to normal after a period of just resting finally and lies about her time being thrown around the doctors timeline, telling him it was only a few months instead of two years, and hiding the evidence of her self harm and other forms of self destruction to try and get things back to the way they were. the doctor can see through jenna’s bullshit though and over a month of just kind of chilling in the tardis and getting better she eventually tells him and after being pulled into an adventure with alien bees and a prison break and characters very much based off of the captor brothers from homestuck they kind of find their original rhythm

the next adventure was the one where i stopped writing mostly bc the plot absolutely sucked. it was a beach adventure episode, involving aliens and aliens who were mermaids and being stranded on a remote island. also, at the time i was going through a sexuality crisis and decided jenna was gonna go through it too and made her realize she was gay for one of the alien mermaids and totally made out with her. you can see how the plot was failing a bit, and the only thing i dont regret is the whole mermaid makeout thing really.

the rest of the series from that point on was supposed to go something like this: jenna has to go back to her old high school, except in the dw universe, and finds out she actually doesn’t exist in this universe??? which is weird. the doctor plays teacher and they live in the prop attic of the school investigating a counselor that literally feeds off of emotions until the students are a husk and die. there was going to be a filler where the doctor and jenna start the doctors farewell tour (it is revealed when they finally find each other at the end of the timeline jumping debacle that the doctor has like two years left until silencio happens, with like a hundred years passing between new york n finding jenna) and the doctors mortality is discussed and jenna begins to wonder what happens to her since she isnt at the event or anything going forward, and begins to worry about the prophecy again.

the finale of jenna’s adventures was supposed to go like this: they end up tackling the silence again, only with the help of the cage, after jenna notices the doctor beginning to forget more and more things about her. they get captured and the silence plan to place the doctor in the cage and eradicate him from existence so that the question to be asked never existed to begin with. i hadnt figured out how yet, but basically jenna would finally click everything together and realize it was her destiny to do this, and even had a better chance since it eradicated her from this universe, and she still had a life in another one and could maybe start over and appreciate her family and friends a bit more, and would pull a switcheroo so that she would be put in the cage and slowly eradicated from existence. from that point the silence ship would kind of go haywire from the power being used by the cage and jenna would drag the incapicitated doctor back to the tardis and saying she has to go record something real quick, and then we dont hear from her again.

last scene would be of the doctor, years and years into the future, during one of his alone periods, sifting through the tardis database and happening upon the archived recording files and listening to them, not remembering exactly but living through these events with a person that was there but also never there to begin with, and the last recording being an actual face recording of jenna saying you know, she doesnt regret a minute of it, go out there and have a nice life and dont feel bad for her before saying goodbye and zapping out of existence.

last “scene” i guess would be a fifteen year old jenna, rather than the 18-19 year old we’ve come to know, waking up the day it all started and realizing she accidentally napped through the whole day when her parents wake her up. it seems apparent she doesn’t remember a thing, but her parents say something offhand that wouldve been a prolific line and she has a sense of deja vu and hints towards her someday maybe remembering but also having a chance to live a life without the trauma of her life lead in the other universe

so uh yeah. idk why i decided to write all of this. actually i do i have an essay i have to write but. idk this fic was a huge part of my life for like. a good amount of time and despite its tackiness im actually very proud of it and just wanted to share its story without having anyone ever have the link to it and read it because despite my careful planning i did narrate like a superwholock for most of it and it was REALLY annoyin. but this fic and the character of jenna actually helped me work through a lot of my own bullshit and im still kind of in love with it. and in the years to come actually m*ffat fucking used these plot points like the tardis hating the companion n the doctor forgetting about a companion like years after i wrote this shit but i think i wrapped up the cracks in the universe n silence thing pretty fucking well so uh. petition for fifteen year old me to rewrite the last half of season 6 i guess. anyway its 2 in the morning and i just wrote honest to god a full 5,000 words about my doctor who oc fanfiction so uh. yeah. fuck.

#so dumb

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minycrdjcsten-blog · 7 years

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Mmmm just anything w/ trans neil idk the specifics sorry

sry this took me ten years but also thank u for sending this bc i was dying to write more trans neil.

neil + his scars (body image mostly?)

read on ao3

Body image had always been a subject for Neil, whether his name was Neil or whether his father was using his birth name, it didn’t matter. It wasn’t exactly only related to his gender dysphoria, it was also about the amount of scars he wore because of what his father had done to him through years of abuse before he’d finally run away with his mother.

He’d had problems for years with his scars, knowing it made the years of abuse obvious and people worried. They made him stand out when all he wanted was to hide and even more so with the foxes who always questioned him before they left the showers and left him behind.

With Andrew it’d been easier, when they’d both had something to give each other. Andrew let him know a little piece of him and Neil actually tried to tell the truth, Andrew let him see and touch his scars and Neil did it back, without even thinking about how much that meant for Andrew when being able to touch his scars meant Neil was still him even in the dark of night. His binder hid some of them in front of the others and for quite some time he managed to forget that he was marked the way he was.

Neil wasn’t supposed to be this way, he knew it, but still he couldn’t let go of the scars. They were a constant reminder that he was alive, that he’d survived even if his mother hadn’t, and after Baltimore, a reminder of how fucking real he was. His name was Neil Abram Josten, no fake IDs, no birth names and Nathan’s expectations of finding Nathalie instead of him.

After Baltimore he’d started changing in front of the foxes, if only to prove something to himself. He didn’t want anyone to see his chest so he always took his binder off in a bathroom stall or covered his chest during the process, but he was not going to hide the scars on his back or his stomach because it hadn’t been his fault, he hadn’t deserves any of that. No matter how many times Andrew told him to stop being so ridiculous when he saw he got nervous, he kept doing it to get used to it.

Of course Neil knew he didn’t have to prove shit to anybody, but he needed it for himself. His scars were a part of him and with the time he’d learnt to think about them as something that showed he was there, even when he fucking hated them and the memories they brought.

Neil was real, even if Andrew called him a pipedream once in a while.

After Baltimore Neil decided he could finally allow himself what he’d been hoping for ever since he’d gotten his first binder, but had never dared plan because he’d known he was going to die and it wouldn’t be worth it. It hadn’t mattered, because Mary told him a thousand times he’d never stay long enough to even get a chance to see a doctor, and she often threatened to leave him behind if he decided to have surgery anyway. They didn’t have time for stupid things.

Mary Hatford hadn’t been a bad mother, but she was right, they didn’t have time for something like that. She allowed him to use the names he chose and present however he wanted to, mostly because it made it harder for Nathan’s people to find them.

But apparently the foxes and Wymack did have time for whatever stupid thing they thought would improve Neil’s life. Kevin didn’t make a comment on it only because he knew Neil’s performance would improve without worrying so much about his chest.

So yes, scars had always been a thing for Neil. Something he recognised and knew were there, but something he never wanted to talk about. He didn’t want people to mention them, he didn’t want to have to answer stupid questions, he just wanted to be okay with the way his body looked.

And then there were different scars on his body too. Scars that were there because of Exy, scars on his chest because of his top surgery, scars he felt comfortable showing and he even liked when they didn’t look an angry red in contrast with his pale skin. He liked it when Andrew’s fingers lingered on them, when he looked at himself in the mirror and when he took off his shirt in the middle of the changing room despite knowing the foxes didn’t care.

It didn’t mean he was completely okay with people staring at them, but at least whenever people did he felt a flash of pride because he’d fucking made it.

#aftg #tfc #neil josten #trans neil #ganseytheboi #alex writes

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goodeveningbella · 4 years

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intro - pleasant house

On the surface, Daniel and Mary-Sue Pleasant seem to have the perfect life, but is their love a flimsy façade? And can Angela and Lilith make the right choices when it comes to love?

the very first thing i did at the pleasant lot was i fixed the roofs & i do believe i deserve a standing ovation for managing to do that in a pretty short time without crying even once. the roofs of the pleasant house suffer from that thing where the game doesnt consider them real roofs and consequently weather gets in and nobodys having a good time

but then again who at the pleasant household ever does have a truly good time

(daniel. daniel does but at what cost)

anyway

the second thing i did was give daniel and mary-sue their secondary aspirations and college degrees. daniel is a secondary fortune sim and he’s got a degree in drama (good to know hes an academic expert in stirring shit when things get too boring lmao); mary-sue has a psychology degree and shes a secondary knowledge sim

aaaanyway the first thing that happened when i finally hit play was some cutesy flirting between daniel and mary-sue and i guess it brought back some long lost spark bc they got a crush on each other again

however right after daniel locked himself in the bathroom to work on his charisma skill mary-sue and lilith got into a pretty heated argument

now what i like to believe here is that mary-sues the one who wants to keep up appearances here, the whole long happy marriage and two beautiful well-behaved young ladies who have identical hair and as identical clothes as possible cos theyre identical twins thing - shes a politician, gotta create a trustworthy image, look good when the elections come, and theres probably a fair bit of you are going to listen to me and behave so and so and not such and such while you live under my roof young lady as well as constant nagging about how lilith ought to act more like her sister whos at least trying to be act like a lady. and dont talk back, dont take that attitude with me. so what liliths wearing at the start of the game is the most rebellious outfit she could find that her mother hasnt managed to get rid off. its the makeup, the boots, and the studs that irk mary-sue

as for daniel? he doesnt care. like seriously he doesnt give a fuck about his daughters at this point this familys a mess

anyway. the girls went to school, mary-sue went to work, daniel stayed at home practicing his speech in front of the bathroom mirror.

kaylynn langerak, the maid, arrived, and since the house was nearly spotless, was able to ask almost immediately if daniel wants to hang out. and boy does he

daniel and kaylynn are having a wonderful time - and for reasons i dont know (or care about for that matter lol), the fateful chance card that should result in mary-sure coming home early never came

however the twins did come home from school at this point - and angela got an a so naturally she barged in when daniel and kay were just getting down to do the nasty. she didn’t even register what he was doing and with whom. just closed her eyes and ears and focused on showing off her report card and pretending everything is FINE there is NO conflict in the pleasant household except lilith fuck her

angela brought dustin broke home from school. lilith came home with the townie teen randy london. randy and lilith hung out in the living room and became friends over the afternoon. daniel was almost civilized towards dustin - guess he at least had the brain to figure out he cant really judge either of his kids for the choices theyve made in their love lives. at least dustin isnt involved with anyone else. as long as daniels aware of, at least

now since that chance card of pure drama never came, mary-sue didnt get fired or demoted but instead promoted to lobbyist (lvl 3)

daniel decided he wanted a second round of woohoo just as mary-sues carpool arrived. so thanks to acr mary-sue did end up catching her husband in bed with the maid after all

im only slightly sarcastic here i love the drama this family creates around itself

#the last time i played pleasantview i accidentally hit break up when mary-sue caught daniel #and THEN cos im an idiot i SAVED and went OUT into NEIGHBORHOOD VIEW and MOVED HIM BACK IN #and had them secretly remarry in the privacy of the master bedroom so the marriage truly became a facade #later they did break up for good #daniel ended up fathering seven kids in total #angela lilith & coral pleasant with mary-sue #queenie fuchs with calista fuchs #richard langerak with kaylynn #michael huffington and veronica pleasant with heather huffington whom he married towards the end of his life #(they both actually wanted that marriage which was pretty surprising considering they both are romance sims)#(but they always got along well and i guess daniel didnt want to die alone) (and heather figured the marriage wouldnt last too long anyway)#the sims 2 #pleasantview #mary sue pleasant #lilith pleasant #kaylynn langerak #daniel pleasant #angela pleasant #intro rounds pleasantview

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formalsocks · 7 years

Text

mulch and some soil

mulch summary: the sensation of the empty pits scattered around your body feel as though they are currently eating away everything on the inside, you are just waiting for them to eventually eat you whole the pain can fool you into believing that you are completely empty, everything inside of you has been eaten, everything is numb and you will eventually have nothing left but outer skin, completely hollow, no thoughts you are aware this doesnt make sense and is not normal to feel this way but can not stop feeling the pain anyway and thinking what you think of when you are thinking about yourself or you see yourself in a mirror every thing is in your head. the pain you are feeling is not physical. it is emotional. very few feel "physical pain" when it is actually their brain but thats only when they are really upset where they start hurting in the inside because they have too many emotions and they have to have somewhere to go if thier head is too.full ......................................................................... .soil brain. they seem kind and caring. saying they care about you and dont make fun of you when you say weird things to them. they are perfectly normal, they have all feelings and do not feel hollow or numb and they do not think their organs are being swallowed by a black hole that eats your insides because you are the only one who feels like that and made it a fake disease because you are the only one who feels like they are being eaten from the insideby a black hole (not all the time, but will happen) they are aware that you are in pain and cant feel certain emotions because they are blocked (you do not know how to unblock them you are also unsure if you have ever been able to feel certain emotions and maybe you were just born incapable of feeling them or they are locked away from yourself) (defense mechanism? maybe). side note:this type of brain in a person is perfect for helping mulch brains but they are rare and if you find them cherish them and be really good to them .brains. .their brain. their minds were made from the richest soil, very beautiful flowers that smelled like good memories (block parties,snow,your dad when you hug him after he says he loves you) covered their brain, bragging how healthy and whole they are and they dont feel hollow at all. among the soil also grows the really lush soft grass that is natures blanket and twinkles in the sun because it is such a pretty green. a new couple are on their third or fourth date eating strawberries and also eating watermelon straight from the melon with two spoons (cut in half and sharing both halves), the guy drops his spoon (it gets dirty) and blushed when she feeds him with her spoon, they both blush and look away to hide their smile. this part is cute and they will look back on it when they part ways and smile and blush at the thought of it, both of them wonder if the other one saw them blush and the answer is yes they both saw it they will remember this moment for a while. and the girl is wearing a white sun dress that she wore on purpose because the last time she wore it the guy said she looked like the prettiest girl in school. the guy remembers he said this and hides his smile when he thinks maybe she wore it for him (she did) but he has low self confidence and thinks he likes her more than she likes him so he thinks that she wouldnt do that for him but he secretly pretends that it is true (it is)) with mary janes she is very cute and has lots of freckles and light brown eyes, the ones that have gold flecks in them. and the boy is wearing a yellow shirt, (you can decide if he is wearing shorts or jeans (if jeans, light blue/paint splatters (accidental) if shorts, maybe cool plaid ones his dad had when he was 17 that he found in attic) he has bright red vans on with blue writing scribbled across the side of the shoe (right one) but you cant make out what it says but i will say that it is one of his favorite album titles (he also has good music taste so it is a cool album) this is how nice their brain is they are naturally beatiful and have the perfect balance and perfect thinking process and have very few problems and for the most part they are happy. .your brain. your brain is covered in damp brown/orange mulch and has no crops or flowers in it. the mulch on your brain never dries so even if you had seeds to plant, it would be too much moisture and they would never grow. you cant remember when your crops and/or flowers died, or if you ever even had them. (you think the ugly colored mulch suits you well because you also feel ugly and gross like mulch but you wish you had nice soil like they do) you dont remember much of your childhood. you know something happened and it made you very upset and made you not understand lots of things and made you forget what happened that night when you became older because thats how much you didnt like it and your mind made you forget it on its own so you didnt even mean to do it. you remember bits and pieces but you are also missing the most important parts of the event so you dont know exactly what happened. you also think this event is partialy responsible for having damp mulch and no flowers or crops growing from your brain and making up a disease that isnt real that you also diagnosed yourself with even though it is not real and the pain of your insides being eaten by black holes is very irrational and doesnt actually happen to you it just feels like it is sometimes. you also only remember your life with the person who you saw do something bad *after* that certain event. you remember mostly everything about your kid years but for the ones who were involved in the bad memory you cant remember 1 single moment you had with them and if you have a memory and they are in it you only see them as a figure of static, the one that looks like a lot of ants spinning very fast and also running around (you think ants are cool because they are very small and cute but can like like 30× their weight). you can make out their body shape and you know it is them but you cant hear what they are saying. you also think this is why you hate mirrors and cant tell what you look like because something broke at some point and your eyes dont work but only when you look at your self but when you are looking at anything and anyone else you have 20/20 vision and you think this is weird but you have grown used to it because you dont remember how you looked at yourself when you didnt have this problem so it is now normal for you but also upsetting because you cant tell if you are fat on the day you look in the mirror or your eyes just do that because you used to be fat and dont think you changed from your kid self and that is scary because as a kid you were very ugly and fat. you sometimes think this is for the better because in the mirror you dont look right and your face is mixed up and if you knew what you looked like all the time you would be very sad about it because you at least know you look bad to some degree if your brain is also hiding what you look like from yourself. (brains do this when something is too upsetting to see or remember something you really dont like and cant hanlde). so it may be better off not knowing. you are also someone who tries to be postitive so you consider this a good thing overall-. (you try to be positive but you can be really negative because when you are upset about something you cant change all you can do is complain and that is a 1 very negative thing to do. you should stop doing that) -because you dont have flowers or crops and have mulch for a brain and most people have okay soil,average soil,and,very good soil for brains and mulch is the worst one you can have bc its shitty for crops (thoughts and emotions) and is ugly and also damp, doesnt dry, and has an ugly color and is made out of things that look ugly in large amounts (most mulch is in a large amount). you think you cant process things and cant access lots of emotions but when you do you care about something too much you can ruin it. or care about somebody too much and it scares them and you lose them forever and they also wont like you how you like them and then you get sad but understand bc you know exactly why they dont see you like that but its still upsetting so you swear off of liking someone but you end up doing it anyway bc you cant help it it is quite the cycle) you are also scared all the time because every second you look different and you dont know what you look like not including the seconds you look in the mirror and not knowing that is scary because the thought of people thinking you are gross to look at also makes you feel gross about yourself. you also constantly say you have to go to the bathroom but you go to see what you look like and when you are hanging out with someone and dont want to seem like you are checking yourself out so you dont look in the mirror and then yiu cant make eye contact after 30 min bc you dont know what you look like and cant risk it) people stare at you and you say it is because of the clothes you are wearing because you wear weird clothes that arent feminine (if you are a girl) or masculine (if you are a boy) (you also dont care if you wear boy clothes if youre a girl and girl clothes if youre a boy because that is really stupid and people should wear what they like which is what you do and you really think you look cool and portraying a fun personality but when other people think you are weird you feel like you are weird and that makes you want to hide and leave when no one is watching and go home to put pjs on because pjs are comofortable and people dont judge them usually even though you are at home and no one is even there to judge you but your parents (siblings if you have them theyre probably mean if they judge you tho)and they judge when you are dressed too boyish (if you are a girl) and dressed too girlish (if you are a boy)). you wish your brain knew what was okay to wear and do and how to act but a lot of things, again, it doesnt work in your brain like they should so you dont know but what does work well a little tok well is awareness and paranoia and you are aware of people looking at you and paranoia is when you are worried and want to know why people are looking at you so you can change whatever youre doing to something normal and if it is because you are ugly you are going to be tempted to do a big change to try to change your face as soon as you are alone and you will examine your face to try to make it out but it looks different everyday and in different mirrors and cameras so you get upset at this and go to stress eat but then stop because you already ate granola earlier and dont want to get fat again bc that would suck (what to change when you are questioning your appearance: eyebrows, style of eye makeup that creates an illusion of a different eye.shape because your eye shape is weird, hair? color and/or cut but some are not allowed to dye their hair like this author but wouldnt anyway because they like how soft is it and it never ever tangles whihc is super nice) and then you will ask if this will actually mask your bad facial features and it wont so you give up and lay in bed and dont turn the lights on for a while because light can show way too much of your face and all the imperfections that you cant see in the dark (not necessarily pitch black but you have to be careful because so lighting can be low light but then adds shadows excentuating the shape of your features (good example: big nose). this what you would be like if you had a mulch brain. this was to see if you think the same things as the author of this or if this author is the only person in the world who has a mulch brain. main qualities of a mulch brain: doesnt know how to feel about things and the process of understanding something very serious is non existant 3/4s of the time you can not tell what you look like but you know it is bad and people dont want to look at you so you feel like you have to apologize for them seeing you but then you would sound like you are fishing for compliments and that makes people uncomfortable (also be careful about how much you talk about something you dont like about your self ppl can also be uncomfortable by the fact you are openly talking about something that is not something too discuss so openly especially if you are graphic i.e. "skinning my face would look better than my normal face" the author has said this and didnt actually mean it because skinning your face would be gross looking but you think about it sometimes bc you would get rid of all the bad parts and that would be cool but your face will also....be skinned. in conclusion the person this was said to got uncomfortable and was laughing before ithe author said it and the girl immediately stopped laughing and stared. (this is not fun) something bad happened in your younger years you 1.cant remember well or 2.you remember it too well where you think about it all the time and it still upsets you a long time after it happened and there is no threat against you but you are still scared you remember literally nothing important or what happened but you remember something extremely insignificant but also very detailed for ex. the color of your parents bed sheets the night it happened and exactly what you said to your sister when you went to hide in your sisters room and remember the amount of times the two sisters called their father until he picked up you ruin lots of relationships you dont want to but yea you love your sister like, a lot, if you dont have a sister you love your brother and if you have no siblings maybe you cherish something that has always been around? trying to list something for everyone ex. dog. stuffed animal. toy. you are probably ugly (i think this is listed but needs to be stressed) you like horror movies and gore but you would not and will not ever hurt anyone because that is terrible and is one of the worst things you can do but since you look weird and like horror you think ppl think you are scary and it is very likely tho do think you are scary and dangerous but you are not at all and you also threw up and cried when you were 16 bc u stepped on a frog and killed it side note: vowed to not eat anything for a day if i kill another animal you love animals you like alex g (you are even more of a mulch brain if you love him and know all of his songs) (and also is honest about his two new songs bobby and witch and dont just say theyre good because its by alex g but giving an honest opinion on it its is more of a real fan thing to do) you try to be nice to everyone but assume ppl think you are boring and if they have similar style and they try to be friends w u bc they also dress the same and like the same music but you cant carry on convos bc u get nervous and that makes u boring so they stop trying to be your friend and probably think they are similar to me but cant start a friendship if they cant talk to you unless they are drunk (let me be specific: smashed drunk. normal drunk still makes you nervous) you think your friends are mad at you all the time except for the super nice ones because they are understanding and actually love you because they are really good people and it is shitty you compare them to super nice ones to the other ones who can sometimes be mean and you feel bad about it bc they are both your friends even if one can be a little mean. you like giving gifts a lot you cant tell if youre fat or not sometimes lights make you dizzy for thinking about what you look like in that light setting and also bc lights can be fuckin bright and give you insane eye and head migraines you are actually a secret romantic but have little to no experience w anyone except when you have been dr*nk and didnt care about being bad at kissing and you want to do it sober but worried youll be bad but also hoping the person you like wont care and think it is cute (hopefully you would like someone nice where they wouldnt make fun of you for it and they are understanding because if you are kissing them sober and also have a mulch brain they probably already know about you and what insecurities you have) you are funny online sometimes and you will say the same exact joke in person that ppl laughed at but they go quiet bc they dont know how to respond and then you wish you didnt say it youve only.truly liked three people for their personalities *and* looks you are the one typing this (not a requirement)

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