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#the T in Thirteen is capitalized

dazoru · 22 days

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The biggest lack of media literacy I've ever seen is that there are real people who think this man was being serious when he said he's thirteen years old

#1) look at him #2) he said Thirteen with a capital T so he meant I'm Death

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leviathanspain · 5 months

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Hey could you write a Finnick odair / reader where snow forces them to pretend to date like he did with katniss and peeta? The whole convince him and get married as a distraction thing? Thanks :)

the pretender

finnick odair x reader

synopsis: being reaped from the victor’s pool changed your life in more ways than you imagined

━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━━

you were his favorite girl.

girl. you were a girl when you had been reaped, a girl when your feet stepped off the platform, more shocked that you didn’t immediately blow up into bits. a girl when you had committed your first kill. you remembered the sound of your knife slicing into human flesh for the first time. the ringing in your ears had become permanent after you had been too close to the explosion that had killed half of the tributes. an explosion that you had accidentally caused.

your rebellious spirit was fun at first, for the capital to laugh and delight in, until you stopped using the scripts that they had written for you, and tried to destroy the idea of the girl in their minds.

snow subdued you, tried to barter your family’s life with cooperation. unbeknownst to him, you hadn’t seen your family in years since they had abandoned you, for fighting against your father’s abuse.

“kill them. do whatever you want to them. just leave me alone.” your own words haunted you since the day snow had presented evidence of their murders. you didn’t dare flinch in his presence, holding a strong facade that you didn’t care, that they were beneath you.

as he left, irritated at your refusal to comply, letting ideas stir in his head with what to do with you, you broke down. tears shed as you realized that they were gone because of you, because you couldn’t let your anger go.

but snow liked you, he must’ve had a reason to keep you around for so long, and until just a few days ago, you hadn’t known why.

you breathed deeply as you heard your name called. it was deja vu, and suddenly you were back to the thirteen year old girl, who was so emaciated and starved that when her name was called, she believed she was hallucinating.

you looked crudely into the screen, not offering any smiles or sign of pride that you had been reaped, all over again.

“y/n l/n.” hearing your full name made you turn around immediately. you were slightly blinded by his blonde hair and pearly white smile.

“finnick odair.” you realized who the man was, quicker than you’d admit. the last time you had seen him was at a ridiculous capital party that snow had forced you to attend. finnick had been leaned against a wall, with two capital sluts hanging onto his shoulders, whispering in his ears simultaneously.

he smiled, not surprised that you didn’t say anything else besides his name. you had that tendency about you, to shoot down any attempt at conversation. even going as far to avoid it all together. “i’m glad you haven’t tried to run away, not after i had caught you eyes and you dashed off at that party. how long ago was that? three,” his speech hung onto the words, “four?”

“five months. it’s been five months, finnick.” you remembered his gaze, and remembered how your feet made you run at the sight. you had heard stories about finnick, and you weren’t exactly planning on ever talking to him.

“that’s right.” he smiled, “i hope you’ve been well since then. it was nice seeing you in something other than a bloody shirt.” his gaze suddenly seemed very far away, as if he was remembering exactly what you wore that night.

you shrugged, deciding to change topics, “everyone else is polishing their weapons,” you heard a guttural war cry, and saw another tribute lunge at a partner, “and methods.” finnick turned to the source of the cry and laughed slightly, “oh yeah? what’s your choice of weapon, again?”

“knives. anything long and sharp.” you always had an affinity for knives. it was second nature to you, an art of your district. your mind drifted away slightly to the array of knives that you had collected during your games. every tribute that you had slaughtered had a knife, and you collected them as a token. by the end, you had 23 knives, all representing a kill.

it had been upsetting when you went on your victory tour, to see the look on their family’s faces, but you had blurred out their emotions, and at the height of your submission to snow, had given out the same apathetic speech to every district.

finnick watched as your mind drifted back to reality. wherever you had gone for the better half of a minute, was a place finnick spent every waking moment, running away from.

he grabbed your shoulder, squeezing it slightly as he looked into your eyes, whispering your name, “hey, hey.” you focused on his eyes, gaze shifting to his mouth as they shaped the syllables of your name. you swallowed thickly, “im sorry-i…” you pulled away, his hand falling free of your shoulder. finnick watched as you exited the training room, your hands balled up into fists as you disappeared through the doorway.

“absolutely not.” you had spent your childhood under the thumb of one man, and you had barely made it out from under snow’s. this was only another way to get you under it once more.

finnick had his head bowed, having listened to snow’s pitch to make the two of you a couple. he needed something to distract the capital citizens from peeta and katniss, who everyone knew, was just a thorn in snow’s side.

“my dear, i really don’t think you have a choice in the matter.” snow’s eyes narrowed at you and you sighed, “what else is there left for you to do? im already being marched to my death, again, just speed the process up. poison me like you do the rest.” you took a good jab at one of the many secrets you had obtained, living in his cage.

snow laughed, “i would’ve done that a long time ago, y/n.”

just as you were beginning to argue again, finnick looked up, eyes catching yours. he held your gaze for a minute, blinking his wet eyes at you. there was something that was telling you that this wasn’t just about you.

finnick.

oh how could you forget finnick.

there was something clearly at stake for him too, otherwise why had he remained silent this entire time?

compliance was something he had to get used to, also under snow’s control.

“okay, fine.” you felt yourself swallow bile, “i’ll do it.” you looked at finnick, your future husband, and the reason why you were even agreeing.

“why did you do it?” his voice cracked, a raw noise as he looked over at you. you had been silent the whole time since leaving the meeting with snow. you shuddered with the strong winds, having been sat out on the stoop of the building, housing all the reaped former victors.

you looked at finnick, having caught his gaze, holding it for a moment, “my entire life i’ve been selfish, and i guess i realized that it isn’t always about putting myself first.” you knew the stories, heard the rumors. snow had barely played with the idea, making you like finnick, but you had always refused. there was nothing left for him to leverage, and so it never went anywhere.

but this, pairing the two of you was nothing short of cruel. finnick who has everything to lose, with you, who he probably didn’t expect to agree.

finnick hitched a breath, understanding what you weren’t saying. “thank you.” he breathed, “and im sorry.”

you stood up suddenly, nodding as you turned towards the entrance, “just-“ you cut yourself off, waving a hand as you continued inside.

he made the announcement. finnick had decided that with the pull he has on the capital, that he would be the one to do it. especially since he was so beloved, the attention from it was to challenge katniss and peeta’s.

you had agreed to play the part, and now you had to act like it.

there was loud cheering and applause from the crowd, and you were pushed out onto the stage, more cheers erupting as finnick stood up to meet you halfway. you kissed his cheek, grabbing his hand tightly as you two fluttered across the stage.

caesar flickerman was already standing there with a bright, capitol smile. “this is your lovely bride. we hear the honeymoon is the arena?” he looked at finnick who tipped his head back for a laugh, but didn’t answer outright.

you gave a soft laugh, “we just loved each other so much, we couldn’t wait.”

caesar looked at you, as if remembering who you were exactly, “wow.” he seemed truly amazed, perhaps even shocked.

finnick noticed the heaviness in the interview and turned his head at caesar, trying to keep the attention on the union rather than the individuals.

he grabbed your hand suddenly, clutching it tightly. as he held it for the rest of the interview, you staring at the faces in the crowd, more love struck than you, you wondered if he was trying to comfort you or himself.

“finnick.” you looked around behind you, only seeing peeta in front of you. the first few days in the arena had been a blur. you had stuck by close with finnick, who made it his mission to stay close to katniss. there was something he wasn’t telling you, but you didn’t once doubt him.

“finnick?” you whipped your head around and couldn’t find him. you were always in front of him, so he could remain in his eye line at all times. except you had failed to make sure he was in yours.

your ears started ringing as the panic set in. you scanned the trees and couldn’t find any sign of him or katniss, realizing this as peeta shared your same panicked look. your throat felt tight as you screamed his name, “finnick!” peeta suddenly took off, feet blazing towards more greenery. you had no choice but to follow, knowing finnick would’ve had you stick with peeta.

as you barely caught up to peeta, you saw him hit the floor as you ran up. whatever he had bounced off of was holding katniss and finnick back.

you looked at finnick, unable to catch his eyes as he looked up frantically. there was something you were missing, there were just bir-

“jabberjays.” peeta groaned out, “they can’t hear us, but they hear our screams.” he swallowed thickly, resting near the force field. katniss was knelt down at the edge, eyes tightly shut. you stared at finnick, at a loss for words. the panic in his face looked so real, you wondered who he was hearing.

you tore your eyes away, watching him suffer was not something you had signed up for. you felt defeated, unable to do anything as you and peeta sat like sitting ducks, waiting this torture out.

you hadn’t talked to him since the jabberjays. peeta had comforted katniss, in any way she’d let him. but they were different, you and finnick were different.

yes, you were married, he was your husband. but the issue was, you hadn’t much time to even begin to share intimate details, let alone have a good conversation. this was what snow wanted, an empty marriage to stir up all the attention.

except you knew your performance was failing. the audience could see right through you.

“hey.” finnick had snuck up on you. you had stayed a few feet away from him and the others, unsure how to handle it all. but it seems like finnick was trying to make it work. but it should be the other way around.

“finnick.” you breathed a sigh of relief unintentionally, hoping he didn’t catch on, you watched as he sat down on the sand beside you. he grabbed your hand, and for a moment you thought it to be genuine, until he raised an eyebrow.

right.

“i’m so sorry.” your voice hitched, and finnick steadied his gaze, “seeing you like that-“ you faked a choked sob, “i just couldn’t do it. i couldn’t look at you and see-“ you cut yourself off, throwing your head in your hands.

snow had to be happy that you were selling yourself off to protect finnick. but beside that heart to heart you had with him in the beginning, you had nothing else to go off of.

“i heard you.” finnick’s voice cracked, “you were screaming, these terrible, horrible screams.” he shook his head, as if he were hearing them all over again, making you realize that he was telling the truth. “and it wouldn’t stop.” he breathed. his breathing got harder and you found yourself kissing him to make him stop. finnick panted into the kiss, as if you had grounded him. you pulled back, catching his eye as you looked away.

your hand that he had been holding gripped his harder. you looked out into the water, watching as it’s dangerous waters moved, unsure on how you would survive this.

with or without him.

#finnick odair fluff #finnick x you #finnick odair oneshots #finnick odair angst #finnick x reader #finnick odair x reader #finnick odair smut #thg finnick #thg #thg angst #thg x reader #finnick imagine #hunger games finnick #finnick odair #finnick x y/n #finnick odair x you #thg imagine #thg smut #thg fanfiction

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windvexer · 1 month

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disappointment anon, i didnt actually know you could create spirit doors i thought i just had to hope that the spirits heard me after i called them to me because i dont have clairsenses or good divination.. LOL but thank you for that post that was extremely helpful :)

Hi! In Traditional Witchcraft and other related practices, I think I especially want to say Fairy Faith, the idea that the practitioner has the ability to find, capitalize on, or simply create portals, gateways, and roads into the spirit world is a dominant theme.

The only time I ever see this referenced in 101 stuff is casting a circle! The concept in Traditional Witchcraft is more or less the same as a Wiccan circle, but we call it a compass. If a lot of your education is coming from online sources, you may be unaware that a primary function of a magic circle is to "join the worlds" and, as Kelden puts it,

On a deeper level, though, and most central to Traditional Witchcraft, the compass is a liminal place, a doorway through which we can enter into the Otherworld.

On one hand, the word compass is synonymous with the word circle, but it also denotes the well-known navigational tool used in travel. This second meaning makes a lot of sense in the context that Traditional Witches use the compass round to navigate and traverse the different realms.

Kelden, The Crooked Path, 2020 (emphasis my own)

For a spirit-working witch, the skill of learning where to find spirits and how to reliably call them is a skill which I believe is separate from brokering deals. I also believe that working with these gateways is probably a fundamental skill of witchcraft.

The witch has many tools at their disposal for creating gateways into the spirit world and walking back and forth between this world and the next, with new knowledge, allies, and powers.

Some of these gateways are physical locations, each of which may lead to a different place in the otherworld, or make it easier or more difficult to access certain powers.

A small, secluded cave half-filled with water at the bottom of a steep riverbank may be the ideal location to enter the Underworld, or commune with chthonic powers.

A tiny thicket formed by the arch of a rosemary bush where it tangles with the branches of a thorny rose may be an excellent location to leave tiny gifts for the Greenwood and commune with the green folk.

Much more accessible for many of us is indeed just the concept of crossroads, either a 4-way X or a 3-way T. These locations are long famed for being the meeting places of spirits, or ideal locations to leave offerings or broker spirit deals. The Devil Himself is often said to be haunting just such remote crossroads.

But these gateways don't just have to be found. The witch has the power to create them.

Exhibit A - casting a circle (or more accurately to say, laying a compass).

Also, I believe the creation of a spellcasting altar, if properly magicked and tended to, begins to become liminal in and of itself - it literally becomes a doorway to the otherworlds.

Certain human-made locations, like gas stations and grocery stores, are often considered to be gateways and have been used by some practitioners to fulfill spellwork.

Various charms and talismans can assist with creating doorways navigating the liminal, most famously the Holey or Hag stone.

Robin Artisson details several methods of understanding, discovering, creating, and working with such doorways, I believe in Witching Way of Hollow Hill, but especially in An Carow Gwyn, in the section called The Breaching Charms: The Gateways into Sorcerous Experience.

Daniel Schulke, at least in Viridarium Umbris, provides several sigils and charms for obtaining entrance into the otherworld.

Roger J Horne, in A Broom at Midnight, details thirteen "gateways" to spirit flight. While these are specifically methods of entering astral travel, any student of the concept of gateways and doors within witchcraft I think would benefit from studying the rituals within.

Speaking of astral travel, many common methods espoused include imagining that a person is climbing down the roots of a tree, or inside of the trunk of a tree and floating down like an elevator; or going down a well. All of these things are analogous to (or, the same thing as) mentally seeking out a gateway to the otherworld, searching in mental constructs of places in nature where gateways are commonly found or believed to be found.

Indeed, the concept of roads, gates, thresholds, and doors, is (I think) a vital contemplation to the understanding of Witchcraft itself, and it is upon these bedrocks that a great deal of witchcraft has been built.

#answered

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fatherforgivethem · 7 months

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Hotd meets the Hunger Games 🫢

“I keep wishing I could think of a way to show them that they don’t own me. You know, if I’m gonna die… I wanna still be me.”

Alicent Hightower had never expected for her name to be called at the reaping. She had never expected to talk to Otto Viridis as a crowd laughed at her sweet words. She most certainly did not expect to win her games and make it back home to Distract 4 when she was only sixteen years old. Her life seemed to be full of surprises; and it had not ended there. She had met Criston Cole by chance when she was walking down the docks in town. He had been bringing baskets of fish back to his shop when Alicent had bumped into him. And after a few words of apology, her life had changed once again.

She had taken a job at his shop where he sold the fish he caught. She needed something to do after moving to Victors Village. From there they got to know each other, and it was in that little shop that they fell in love. They had married and before she even knew it, they had three children, soon four, running around the docks.

Her life had continued to change when her son’s name was called at the reaping, when her eldest son at volunteered for him, and when it had happened all over again two years later. She had to watch them again and again go through what she went through, watch the way that they became killers like she did. Her arena had been so different from there’s. It was hot, dead, unlivable. She had only won when she had found poisonous berries that she forced two people to eat. The sound of their cannons going off still rung in her ears. And now it wound ring in her children’s ears for the rest of their lives as well. It was a cycle, and it would take a certain kind of person to break it.

Criston Cole never would have thought that he would have four children and wife that he called his. He hadn’t even expected to live past thirteen, let alone twenty. But he did, and he met the love of his life and they brought the most beautiful children into the world. A world that would take them away from their parents.

He had been forced to watch his two oldest boys kill others to stay alive. On most nights, he was either waking up in a cold sweat, or trying to get Alicent to wake up from one of her nightmares. Since winning their own games, Criston had been traveling down the hall to help Aegon and Aemond as well.

His life was full of horror as he watched those he loved crumble before him. When it would end, Criston would never know. What he did know, was that he would find a way to make it end, all of it.

Aegon had always been told to keep his head down. His mom made it clear that he was to never say the words “I volunteer!”. Those were words for careers, and Aegon and his siblings were not careers; they were the sons and daughter of a victor and a fisherman. And, if his mother could help it, it would stay that way. But it hadn’t; not when Aemond, who had only been thirteen, was called at the reaping.

Aegon had never raised his hand and said words so quick before. It was so quick that it almost felt like a thought that had slipped through his head. But it had happened, and before he knew it, he was being pulled to the stage and asked what his name was. He had tried his best to ignore the look of horror and unshed tears in his mothers eyes.

The capital had loved him. They loved his confidence, the risky jokes he would say. They saw him as a flirt, someone with a dashing smile. It worked, and before Aegon even knew it, people were placing their bets on a fifteen year old Aegon. He had hoped for an arena full of something similar to what he grew up with, maybe trees and water, but when he was shoved into a suit meant to keep him warm, he knew it would be an arena meant to kill. His hopes were crushed even further when he rose to an arena full of snow, a frosty forest, and a frozen and freezing ocean.

He had been the son of a fisherman, and it showed. He had set traps made out of rope that would strangle the other tributes. He had only won the games because he was a good swimmer. And so, when a boy from 2 and Aegon were in the water, Aegon was able to keep the other boy under as he continued to tread above the surface. Aegon had almost died from the cold. When Aegon was on the train back home, he swore he would find a way to make it all end, to stop the games.

Helaena hated each reaping with every fiber of her being. She hated the way that parents cried and children clung to friends and family. She hated seing videos of her mother, who was only a little girl, forcing another child to eat poisonous berries. She hated them more when her brothers were taken away from her, changed and never the same. She hated so many things, and it was because of the games, because of the President. Those however, were words never to be spoken out loud. Not if she wanted to have her family live to see another day.

When Aegon had won, stylists from the capital had come to their home in District 4 to force Helaena into puffy clothes and pin her hair back until her head was pounding. The times that she did love were when the games, the PR that her family did, were over and done with. It was a time that allowed her to sit by the water and sketch her designs. Or where she could bake in the kitchen as Aegon and Aemond taught Daeron how to play chess.

Her name had never been called, and for that she was incredibly grateful. It spared her parents more pain than they needed. It spared herself the pain. So, for now, in between games, she would simply be with her family.

Something was brewing, she could feel it in the air. She could see it when Aegon and their mother went on long walks in areas no one was allowed. Something was about to happen, a storm, and Helaena would try her best to be ready for it.

As soon as his little brothers name was called, Aemond had done the same thing his elder brother had done. He’d volunteered. He had done the one thing his brother had to go to the games for. It was as if they were in a cycle, like someone was testing to see how strong their family could hold. Well, whatever it was, Aemond was falling into the trap like the fish he caught each day.

With Aegon as his mentor, Aemond had felt prepared, something very rare when going into the games. His brother had prepared for almost everything. On how to survive the night if it was cold without attracting other tributes. He even taught Aemond how to appeal to the capital. They had loved his confident, yet shy, demeanor. People had commented on how much of a mix Aemond was with his older brother and mother. With Aemond entering the games, they had become obsessed with his family, and Aemond had tried his best to hide his distaste for their awing behavior.

He had hoped each night before bed that his arena would be nothing like Aegon’s. And when he had risen into an arena full of mountains and flowing waterfalls and rivers, Aemond had tried his best not to smile. Throughout his games, he did all he could to survive. He avoided the cornucopia and instead stole a backpack from a boy from 7. The way that Aemond’s flying knife had logged itself into the boys chest still popped into his head before he went to sleep every night. The boys name had been Luke, and Aemond would always remember that after having to give a speech to the boy’s family.

Aemond had won his games staying up and catching the smoke of the last four tributes. He had climbed high into the trees and had skillfully let his knives drop onto them. He had done it to get home. And when he had been pulled into his brothers arms on the train ride home, he knew that it had been worth it. To survive is to kill.

It had been hard to watch her little boy die by the hands of another child. Because Rhaenyra knew, within her heart, that the boy from 4 had no choice. And if her own son, if Luke, was given the chance, she hoped he would have done the same. She supposed it was better for Luke to go in the beginning than for her to watch him die as he got nearer to the end. Almost close enough to reach out for and touch, before being ripped from her. No, the boy from 4, Aemond was his name, had done her a kindness. However selfish it might have been. She had seen the sadness, the regret, when Aemond had come to district 7 on his victory tour and had given his speech.

She thought that she was given peace after her sons death, but as the games went on, another boy’s name was called. Her boy, her Jace. Another son was taken from her, Though, Jace had fought and he had lived. She didn’t know what was worse, watching her son die, or watching the other live yet die inside of himself. He had never been the same, it had taken months for him to sleep in his own bed. He had, after some months, finally been able to chop wood without having to cover his ears and sit curled into himself on the ground. He wasn’t a victor, he was a victim of the capital’s wicked games.

So, when her son, after coming home from another game of mentoring, had taken her deep into the woods to discuss a brewing rebellion; she had listened, she had agreed. It would end, it had to.

His brother had been killed and now he was sent to do the same thing to other children. Children like him who only wanted to survive. But only one was allowed, and everyone wanted that to be them. Jace included. It had only been two games since his brother had been killed, and now, at eighteen, Jace too had been chosen at the reaping. Not a soul had volunteered. All of the boys around him had stayed quiet, had looked down at the ground. Jace didn’t blame them. If it wasn’t for the shock, Jace would have laughed. It was his last year to get picked, and after seven years of not, he was chosen. What a joke.

His mentor had only taught him one thing, and that was to never team up with others. No matter what they offered, Jace was to refuse them. Luke had made the mistake of being naive, and Jace wouldn’t do the same. He wouldn’t let his mother lose another son. After their father had died, it had only been the three of them. And then Luke had been taken away, and then Jace. Each smile he graced the wretched capital with, he did it for his mom.

The arena he landed in had been a shock. After being able to finally open his eyes against the light, Jace had looked upon a land of sand. Only sand. It had taken more supplies than he wanted to find an oasis. He had been lucky in winning his games. He had gone against what his mentor had said and he had teamed up with others. When the rest of them were asleep, four cannons had gone off, and it had been Jace that had slit the throats of the other two tributes whilst they slept. It had been an easy win, is what the capital said. However, like the majority of other victors, it hadn’t felt like a victory.

It didn’t take much convincing to join the rebellion. After returning home, his mentor had taken him out into the woods, away from prying ears, and had told him everything. How there was a plan, how the famous Hightower family from District 4 was in on it. That after this coming games, they would bring an end to the Hunger Games and the conniving capital once and for all.

….Part 1

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jessicas-pi · 9 months

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EVEN MORE TBAB AU QUOTES

Sabine, T-posing in the doorway: Greetings, Hera. Hera, not looking up from her caf: Good morning, problem child. --- Sabine: You’ve got to learn to love yourself. Ezra: But don't you hate yourself? Sabine: Yeah, but this is about you. Stay focused. --- Okadiah, looking at the Spectres: Okay, so I need to become a therapist faster. ---

Ezra: Did Hera let you get a tattoo?? Sabine: This isn't a tattoo, it's a birthmark. Kanan: I've known you since you were ten and that was never there before. Sabine: Yes it was, you've just never seen me from the left side until now. --- Leia: Why are we friends? Ezra: Poor decisions on your part. --- Okadiah: *Watching Kanan and Hera together* Okadiah: They're cute. I would put them on a boat. Sabine: You mean... you ship them? --- Ezra: In case you haven’t noticed, I’m weird. I’m a weirdo. I don’t “fit in” and I don’t WANT to fit in. Have you ever seen me without my helmet on? That’s weird. --- Ezra: Bad news—Ahsoka locked us outside of the Phantom. Ezra: Good news—we didn’t have to wait around for Hera to come pick us up. Ezra: Bad news—Okadiah finds it very concerning that I know how to hack a ship's lock, and tried to unlock my Tragic Backstory(TM). I was too embarrassed to admit that the reason I learned it was because, at thirteen, I figured that was the kind of skill that would impress cute girls. Ezra: Good news—a cute girl saw me do it. Ezra: Bad news—it was Sabine, and since she’s already seen me fall out of several trees, cry because I saw an abandoned baby Loth-kitten, walk around with a dish towel over my head, and knows I listen to the Mission: Impossible theme inside my helmet during missions, she’ll never think I’m cool no matter what I do. It’s too late. She knows. --- Hera: I don’t need to touch grass, I need the fall of capitalism. --- Kanan, singing: I don’t want a lot for Life Day, there is just one thing I need— Ezra: A family who doesn't disappear. Sabine: Mental stability. Ahsoka: Revenge. Chopper, from the comm system: A corporeal body. Kanan: Kanan: Can you chill for, like, two seconds— --- Sabine: Next time I get possessed, I’m just gonna be like, “Okay, take it from here, good luck sis.” --- Hera, holding a rock: Kanan just gave this to me and said "I feel like you deserve the moon but all I can give you is a rock". Ahsoka: If you don't marry him, I will. --- Sabine: Hera? I mixed redbull with caf and now I can see sounds, should I worry? Hera: Padawan, I swear to the Force— --- Ezra: I didn’t even realize how sarcastic I was being. It’s starting to become a problem, I think. --- Hera: You kidnapped Prince Organa? That’s illegal! Sabine: But Hera, what’s more illegal? Briefly inconveniencing Prince Organa, or giving up on this mission? Hera: Kidnapping Prince Organa, Sabine!!! Ahsoka: Hera, listen. These kids are counting on you to inspire them! Hera: What, to kidnap people?!?! Ahsoka: To work together! Hera: TO KIDNAP PEOPLE?!?!?!?! Ezra: Hera, we all agreed a politician is not a people.

#twin blades and beskar au #lifeswap au #kanera #sabezra #incorrect quotes

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more-than-a-princess · 9 months

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SLEEP MEME

Type of bed: She's a future queen, but this princess sleeps in a king sized bed. At Novoselic Castle, it's a canopy bed that was moved into Sonia's wing after she turned thirteen. At Boudry House (her townhome that spans a square city block in the Novoselic capital, inherited when she turned eighteen), the canopy has been replaced with drawn curtains. Especially good for when she's combating jetlag, gets a rare nap, or just doesn't want to wake up with the sun.

At Hope's Peak, she has a king sized bed too. But with fewer frills than her beds at home (no dust ruffle, for example).

Number of blankets: At any given time, Sonia will at least have a top sheet, a comforter (plush and full in the spring and summer, down feather-stuffed in the fall and winter), and a folded blanket at the end of her bed. As needed, more blankets are added. She needs at minimum a top sheet and a comforter to sleep properly in a bed.

Number of pillows: Sonia has at least five pillows. There's the one beneath her head, the one propped against her headboard, the two on opposite sides of her head if she's laying in the center of her bed, and the one she's cuddling, or rather octopus-hugging. This one is either long and body pillow sized (but not printed. Not even with a cute goth on it) or regular-sized, but it is the most misshapen because Sonia sleeps on her side with her arms and legs wrapped around that pillow. Unless, of course, there is someone in bed with her whom she wants to cuddle and they don't mind not leaving the bed until she wakes up (and lets them get up).

Do not try to get up before Sonia is ready for you to get up. She will only cling tighter, even when asleep. You will be cuddled, resistance is futile.

Type of clothing: It depends on the time of year. Most of the time, Sonia is prone to choosing silk nightgowns and pajama sets with coordinating dressing gowns/robes. They feel wonderful against her skin and she feels beautiful in them! She also keeps her hair loosely braided back and tied with a silk ribbon before bed: it keeps her hair from tangling in her sleep, and pulls it away from her face when she's doing her nighttime skincare.

Because it's not cute when your hair is sticking to your serum, or your sheet mask, or your sleeping pack/cream.

For much warmer and colder weather, she has a few light and airy cotton and linen nightgowns, plaid flannel pajama sets, and a collection of horror, creepy, and anime (usually magical girl or horror) t-shirts, that she can pair with the flannel pajama pants.

On occasion, she borrows a button-down shirt or a t-shirt from her significant other, especially if they are taller and broader than she is. She always looks cute in them. Said SO may not get their shirt back, though.

Does it matter where they sleep?: For Sonia, it absolutely does. Having grown up relatively sheltered, traveling only with her family and staying in top-notch accommodations, sleeping in an unfamiliar bed takes some time to get used to. Sleeping in a hotel bed, for example, is often a gamble as to how comfortable or relaxed she will be to fall asleep (but if she's truly exhausted, she will collapse and reach for a pillow/something to cuddle no matter what). She is not one for sleeping on a sofa/chair.

That said, this woman's private plane and the royal train carriages both have queen sized beds on board for long days of travel.

What do they do if they cannot fall asleep?: This is the perfect opportunity for Sonia to engage in one or more of the following!

Finally delve into that book and/or manga she's been intending to read/continue but hasn't had time.

Go through decision paralysis as she tries to decide which horror movie to watch for the 10th (or more) time, or which unsolved murder case/mystery/cult documentary she wants to watch before posting conspiracy theories or 'did anyone notice this detail in this horror movie?' to Reddit at some ridiculous hour.

Overthink something she really shouldn't be overthinking about at that hour. Including but not limited to: that person cannot possibly have feelings for me if they knew what they were getting into by dating me, how in good conscience could I let them get involved with me knowing that they'd never know privacy or zero responsibilities ever again (much less having to deal with my family and all that comes with it), what if I fail my country and my family at being Queen (or just bring shame to one or both of them, also something that's panic-inducing for Sonia), what if I never make a meaningful contribution to the history of my country or at least leave it in a better place upon my death, and 'Oh no I cannot edit that post and I got the release year wrong for the fifth Friday the 13th film everyone will suspect I am not a true horror fan.'

Sleep and/or de-stress medications with a side of decaf tea.

If the above options either don't apply or aren't effective, drink alcohol. Excessively. Until passing out.

Sex and, ahem, personal stress relief also helps.

Frequent dreams, nightmares: In non-despair, Sonia's dreams are usually a mix of weird/silly thoughts often featuring memes/trends that are at least six months out of date (she'd dream about calling a situation 'poggers' in 2023, for example), unresolved or otherwise unsatisfied sexual and/or romantic tension, or envisioning a future where she has failed at being queen or otherwise disappointed and/or shamed Novoselic and her family in some way. She doesn't have terribly cheerful or otherwise inconsequential dreams, and to her dismay, she doesn't dream about ghosts, demons, serial killers, or other horror movie monsters. She wishes she did!

In post-despair, it is all angst, all the time: unless she has drank herself to a dreamless sleep or is on medication to help her sleep, Sonia will constantly replay events of The Tragedy and the Neo World Program in her head. Sleep is usually when she remembers all of the horrendous crimes she committed (that is, if the media hasn't replayed or reprinted footage from her actually doing them). She sometimes gets bits and pieces of her happier life at Hope's Peak before The Tragedy, but they are few and far between in comparison to the 'All Time Most Traumatizing Kills By Sonia Nevermind' playlist.

She has dreamt about her parents' deaths more times than she ever wants to admit.

Deep slumber or naps?: Both, depending on the day and situation. Some days (especially travel days), Sonia is able to get in a nap between on-board or on-train meetings, and at home, she can sometimes get a 30-60 minute nap added into her schedule. But as a student, Sonia rarely has times for naps unless it's a weekend day without royal responsibilities. So she sleeps pretty soundly when she can (though she stays up far too late, especially in her younger years, catching up on all the movies/TV/anime/manga she can).

When do they sleep? In theory, Sonia aims for between 1 and 2 AM. In practice, especially if she's in the middle of a good movie or book, this is pushed to far later despite her, on average, 7 AM wakeup time. It's easier to do when she's younger: undereye patches, concealer, and a strong cup of black tea works wonders. Post-university, she wonders how she ever adhered to that sort of schedule. But she makes time to stay up later every so often, especially when it's to connect with friends or significant others due to time constraints or different time zones.

What could wake them up?: Several alarms, sunlight right in her eyes, her personal secretary Cecily striding into her room with two maids to open up Sonia's drapes and deliver her pre-breakfast tea and biscuit tray alongside any relevant news, press coverage, or updates to her daily schedule that cannot wait until the breakfast table.

Sonia would prefer to wake up naturally, or by someone she loves. But it's usually with an alarm, important headlines, and/or butter biscuits dipped in hot tea.

Tagged by: Stolen from @electricea!

Tagging: @cantillat (Shirou), @quickdeaths (I'd probably suggest Shinobu here but if you want to choose someone else go for it!), @dcviated (Wylan and/or Eira, unless you are feeling up to filling this out for someone else), @hxpelessnurse, @scarlxtleaves (Lupin), @dxfiedfxte, @litoredeem, @tricksheart, @mechatiqe, @aceparagon, @orderbourne, and you! (I pretty much scrolled my last few weeks of posts/replies/comments and added everyone I could see who has replied to threads/commented/sent in asks. I hope that's ok with you!)

#more-than-a-princess headcanons #(This meme looked like fun so in the queue it went!)#(Sonia has some peculiar sleep habits but mostly she's predictable)#(It's unfair she never gets ghosts or demons in her non-despair dreams though)#(It's all she wanted: for the spooks and horrors in horror movies to infiltrate her dreams and give her a good scare)#(Instead she gets personal feelings of inadequacy and panic about the future)

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namixart · 1 year

Text

Never Bloom

Read on AO3!

Somewhere in the back of his mind, Cloud had always known that relationships weren’t really going to be in the cards for him. It wasn’t that he didn’t have the time, or the inclination—although, for most of his life, that had also been true. Rather, he’d come to recognise that what he wanted in a relationship didn’t really match what everyone else seemed to want. In hindsight, the realisation had been a long time coming.

---

When Cloud was thirteen, his mother sat him down in her tidy and brightly lit kitchen for a Talk. He grimaced when she said it: she’d made it into an important word, as if she’d capitalised it in speaking. He knew what the Talk was, mainly from movies about awkward teenagers and first loves. He didn’t like those movies much—it just seemed like the characters were all worrying and making themselves stupid over nothing. Cloud didn’t care about first loves and capital-T-Talks: he wanted to become a SOLDIER, and that was much cooler.

He had never thought that the Talk would ever actually happen in real life. He grimaced the entire time.

“Mooom,” he groaned at one point, interrupting her even-voiced ramble about protection. “I don’t care. Can we not?”

She sighed. “I know it’s awkward. But it’s stuff you need to know, so you’re ready when you—”

“But I don’t want to.” Cloud scrunched up his nose. The movies were getting to her.

She chuckled. “Oh, we’ll see how you feel about that in a few years.”

He frowned. He hated it when grown-ups did that. “Ever,” he added. “I don’t wanna do that, ever.”

His mother raised an eyebrow. “Ever is a long time. And thirteen years is not. How do you know that?”

Cloud crossed his arms and looked away. His mother’s bluntness and honesty were usually something he liked about her, even if they often resulted in him being embarrassed, but in that moment all they were good for was making Cloud’s stomach turn. He frowned as he tried to imagine himself with another person in any of the ways she was describing. Sex. He squeezed his eyes shut to chase away the image. No.

“I just do,” he mumbled.

She hummed and reached out to take his shoulder. Cloud didn’t look at her. “Okay,” she said, in that tone that really meant that she was letting him win the battle but not the war. “Just remember, it’s okay to talk to me about anything like that.”

Cloud made a non-committal noise. His mother let go of his shoulder and leaned back in her chair. “On a completely unrelated note—” Cloud snorted— “do you still like Tifa?”

Cloud felt his cheeks heat up. “I guess,” he muttered, planting his eyes firmly on the ceiling. A lot of boys in Nibelheim had a crush on Tifa. She was nice, and pretty, and she was studying martial arts with Zangan, which was cool. Maybe she wanted to join SOLDIER too.

“Uh-huh,” said his mother. “And, when you think about her, you don’t—”

“Not like that!” he snapped. Unrelated note, my ass. “I don’t give a damn about—”

“Language,” she warned, voice even but firm.

Cloud rolled his eyes. “I don’t want to—to have sex with her.” He spat out the word like it would burn him if it took him any longer to say it. An uncomfortable weight sat at the mouth of his stomach.

His mother nodded. “Oh, of course. You’re way too young for that, both of you. But it’s okay to feel attracted to her in that way. It’s just part of growing up.” She smiled sweetly. “It’s normal, honey.”

It felt like a slap. Cloud stood up suddenly, nearly toppling his chair over. “Yeah, well, maybe I’m not normal.” His voice cracked on the last word, and it hung in the air for a long moment. His mother looked at him with a mixture of surprise, confusion, and pity.

“Oh, Cloud…” she started. “I’m—”

“Forget it,” he said, shoving his chair back under the table. “I’m going to my room.”

His mother called his name again, but he was already climbing the stairs two steps at a time. He quickly got to his room, slammed the door shut, and let himself fall down on his bed. He stared at the ceiling as his mother’s words replayed in his mind.

It’s normal to feel attracted to her in that way.

But he just didn’t. Why was it so hard to believe? What did it even mean? How was it different from just liking Tifa the normal way? He was pretty sure he did like her, but not—not like that. Not in the way everyone else did.

Cloud didn’t like to be around the other kids much, and they certainly didn’t like being around him either, but he’d heard them talk during recess at the schoolhouse. They talked about Tifa—or other people they liked—often, but in a way that made Cloud wish the ground would swallow him. They talked about their crushes’ bodies, and their own bodies, and about how they wanted to touch and be touched and—and then it varied from person to person, but it was never anything that Cloud could fathom being enjoyable. He also really didn’t think Tifa and the others would appreciate that kind of fantasies.

They had to be joking, right? Putting on a show of being grown-up and cool, like they did all the time. They were so immature. Attraction, sex… it was adult stuff, not something thirteen-year-olds thought up on their own.

At least, he didn’t. Once or twice, Cloud had tried imagining himself in some of the scenarios they described, but they just made him uncomfortable. One time, he’d snuck into the adult section of the library and gingerly flicked through a couple of magazines, only to quickly shelf them again with a mixture of shame, confusion, and dread.

His classmates were joking. They had to be. He couldn’t be the only one to find the whole… sex thing off-putting and weird.

…Right?

There came a soft knock at his door. “Cloud?” called his mother. “Can I come in?”

He hesitated. “Whatever,” he mumbled then, folding his arms behind his head and closing his eyes.

Quietly, she slipped inside the room and padded over to his bed. She sat down close to him—he felt the mattress dip—and brushed his hair out of his eyes. “I’m sorry, baby,” she said. “I didn’t mean to upset you.”

Cloud just huffed. His mother chuckled. “What, don’t want me calling you that? Well, tough luck.” She poked him lightly in the ribs. “You are my baby. My little silly goose.”

“Mom, come on,” grumbled Cloud, but he was finding it hard to keep frowning.

His mother giggled and pushed him a bit to the side so she could lie down next to him. “I really am sorry,” she said, running a hand through his hair. “It’s okay if you don’t feel that way yet.”

Cloud bit his lip. “But…” Everyone else does.

“Not everyone’s journey is the same,” she continued, as if she’d read his mind. “You’re still so young. It’ll happen for you too, eventually. You’re just a bit of a late bloomer, that’s all.”

“I guess.” He frowned again. Could that be it? That he was just a late bloomer? It sounded more like wishful thinking—except he wasn’t really wishing for it, either. If he never bloomed at all, what then? Would that be okay?

The feeling of dread in the pit of his stomach told him otherwise.

“We don’t have to talk about this right now, if it makes you uncomfortable,” said his mother. “Do you want me to drop it?”

Cloud nodded, relieved. “Yeah.”

His mother smiled and pressed a light kiss into his hair, before getting off the bed with a quiet “Oof.” Cloud pushed himself up on his elbows and watched her make for the door. “Gonna go get dinner ready,” she said. “See you down in twenty minutes.”

“Okay,” said Cloud, as his mother disappeared into the hallway.

He let out a shaky sigh and lay down again. He didn’t have to worry about it. It was okay. He was okay. No need to think about the stuff that made him uncomfortable.

But everyone at school would, the next day and the day after that. Cloud would be sitting at his desk at the back of the classroom, scribbling absent-mindedly in his copybook while they talked. He would press his lips together and try to tune out dreams, fantasies, and desires that felt so alien to him.

I’m a late bloomer. I’m a late bloomer. I’m a late bloomer.

There’s nothing wrong with me. I’m a late bloomer.

Any day. Any day now.

---

Being bumped down to the Shinra army was a setback Cloud hadn’t expected on his way to becoming a top SOLDIER operative, but he wouldn’t be stuck there forever. He would work hard, train harder, and crush the entry test for SOLDIER when he took it again. He knew it. He wasn’t stuck in the army. It had only been one year. And, hey, he was already stationed in Midgar.

He wasn’t really there to make friends but, by the time their first week of assignments ended, he’d found himself sneaking over to another building in the barracks in the middle of the night. According to Alendi, his assigned sparring buddy and sharer-of-the-bunk-bed, he needed to loosen up. Cloud had rolled his eyes, but then he’d let him and his friends, whose names he only half-remembered, push him out the room.

As it turned out, the event was a small, clandestine party to celebrate a cadet’s eighteenth birthday away from the prying eyes of the officers. Alendi and Kim, one of the friends, made a beeline for the makeshift refreshment table, where a few bottles were being passed around already. Kim grabbed three cups and a brown bottle, filled them almost to the brim, and made to hand one to Cloud.

“I, uh…” He scratched the back of his head. “I’m fifteen,” he said. He was one of the youngest cadets, he knew that, but the age gap never seemed to matter, not until it came to dumb teenage stuff outside of the army.

“And a goody-two-shoes,” said Kim cheerily. “You’re not gonna rat us out, are ya?”

Cloud frowned. “Course not.”

“Great!” Alendi downed his drink and then swiped the one that had been meant for Cloud. “Better get this away from you, then,” he said with a wink.

He smiled tersely. “Yeah. Uh, sorry.”

Kim shrugged. “More for us.”

A couple of hours later, Cloud thought that maybe he should have been drinking after all. Everyone else was getting less coherent by the second, and Cloud was starting to feel more and more alone in the crowd. He wished he could leave, but he’d promised he’d help Alendi back to their bunk, so he was stuck.

Eventually, inexplicably, all of the guests ended up sitting in a circle on the ground, with Cloud pressed between Kim and someone whose name he was pretty sure was Fabian.

The birthday guy, on the other side of the circle, raised his cup with drunken shakiness. “I miss Areia,” he announced, slurring his words so much that Cloud almost didn’t catch them.

A girl next to Birthday Guy shoved him playfully. “No, you don’t. You miss the sex.”

A low rumble of laughter spread around the circle. Someone yelled, “Don’t sex your ex!”

Cloud swallowed a knot of anxiety in his throat and laughed nervously. He silently prayed for the conversation to swiftly move on.

The guy waved a hand in the air—the one that was holding the cup, so he spilled some of the drink on himself—and huffed. “I won’t, I won’t. But damn.” He nudged the girl. “I do miss the sex.”

She shoved him again. “Don’t look at me,” she laughed. “Taken, and not into guys, anyway.”

He laughed. “I know.” He looked at the circle again. “Any volunteers? Be a pretty cool birthday gift, jus’ sayin’.” He struck what was probably supposed to be a sultry pose, but ended up spilling more of his drink.

Everyone laughed again.

“It does suck, though,” said Fabian, next to Cloud. “Bein’ in the army an’ all—dating is a nightmare.”

“Maybe you’re just ugly,” said Alendi.

Fabian laughed. “Speak for yourself. I got high standards, that’s all. And no one here clears ‘em.”

Alendi threw his cup at him. “Oh, you dick. Okay, how’s this: Redi Moore, nautical engineering. What about her?”

As Fabian thought for a second, Cloud also wracked his brain until he found Dr Moore in there. She was kinda cold, but definitely knew what she was doing in the labs.

“Know what?” said Fabian, smacking his palm with his fist. “I’ll give you that one. Major hottie.”

The girl next to Birthday Guy whistled in agreement, and a lot of people around the circle nodded as well.

Cloud frowned. Right. This was still about being attracted to her. He rolled his eyes.

“What, not sold?” asked Alendi, and Cloud realised with a jolt of alarm that he was talking to him. “You don’t think she’s smoking hot?”

He swallowed. “Uh…” No? What does that even mean? Why does everyone know except for me? “I, uh, don’t even know her?” he finally got out.

Fabian shrugged. “Well, duh. Neither do we. What’s that got to do with anything?”

Cloud pushed down a surge of frustrated confusion. How can you like someone you don’t know? He shook his head. “Isn’t she, like, in her twenties?”

Alendi leaned back on his hands. “Fair enough, I guess. She is kinda old for you. Well, there anyone your age you like?”

Cloud wanted to protest being talked down to like that, but at least he’d dodged a bullet for now. So, he swallowed his irritation and shrugged. “Not really.”

Kim clicked his tongue. “Oh, come on. There’s gotta be someone.”

He rolled his eyes. “Nope.”

Fabian slapped his hand on Cloud’s shoulder so hard that he buckled a bit under it. “You’re holding out on us! That’s no fun.”

Cloud groaned. Were they really not going to leave him alone until he gave them a name? Fine. “Well, uh,” he started, “I guess there’s this one girl. From back home.” That was safe, right? Tifa was all the way back in Nibelheim. No risk of them trying to set him up with her or anything.

But Alendi looked disappointed. “Aww, but that’s so far away.”

Cloud shrugged. “Dunno what to tell ya.”

“Well, we gotta find you someone here,” said Kim, shaking his head. “You need to loosen up, Blondie.”

Cloud frowned. Damnit. “Not interested. Don’t have time, anyway.”

Fabian laughed. “I’m sure you’ll make time. So, you’re into girls, right? Just you wait until—”

“Not. Interested,” repeated Cloud, with some venom slipping into his voice. For a moment, he thought about explaining himself. Explaining that he didn’t understand that world they all seemed to care so much about, that he was the latest of the late bloomers—not broken, not broken, not broken, any day now—that he didn’t know why it mattered if he found people attractive-in-the-sexy-way or not. But he figured it would’ve been nothing more than a waste of effort, so he just glared at Fabian and Kim.

The mood seemed to shift in a moment of surprised silence.

“C’mon, guys, leave him be,” said Alendi, tapping Kim on the shoulder. “He’s already got someone, didn’t you hear?” But he was frowning at Cloud as well. He knew that look. It meant, ‘It was all in good fun. Why can’t you take a joke?’

Cloud didn’t have an answer. But he’d had enough of the party.

“I wanna get some early training in,” he said, standing up. “Think I’m gonna head back. You gonna be okay on your own?”

“Yeah,” said Alendi. “Don’t get caught.”

Cloud nodded, then made a beeline for the door, walking as fast as he could without running. Once he was finally outside in the cool night air, he sighed in relief.

“Want me to beat them up for ya?” came a voice from behind him.

Cloud jumped a bit and turned to find the girl from earlier leaning on the wall just beside the door, with a lit cigarette between her fingers.

“What?”

She straightened up. “Fabian and the others,” she said. “Looked like they were giving you a hard time. And you looked upset earlier too.”

“Oh.” Cloud shook his head. Damn. Someone had noticed. “It’s nothing.”

She tilted her head to the side. “You sure?”

“Yeah.”

“Okay.” She took a long drag from her cigarette. “Let me know if you need help, though.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “…Why? You don’t know me.”

She blew out a perfect circle of smoke from her lips. “Feel like it,” she said, shrugging. She seemed to hesitate for a moment, then added, “I’ve been there.”

Cloud frowned. “Where? What do you mean?”

Instead of answering, the girl tossed a glance up at the street clock nearby. “You going back? If you make a run for it now, you should dodge the patrol.”

“Oh. Thanks.”

She waved a hand in the air—first dismissively and then in a shooing motion. “Run along now. I’ll see you around, Blondie.”

He nodded, then said, “It’s Cloud.”

“Noa,” she said. “Nice to meet you. Now go.”

She tossed her cigarette on the ground and put it out with the heel of her boot, then offered one last wave before slipping back inside the barracks.

Cloud stood there only a moment longer before turning around and hurrying in the direction of his own building. Idly, as he hid behind a wall to check for anyone patrolling the area, he wondered what Noa had meant by ‘having been there.’

---

Off-duty SOLDIERs weren’t strictly allowed to wander in and out of army common rooms as they pleased, but Zack Fair had never been one to let something as trivial as rules stop him. Cloud’s superior officer shot Zack a glare as he strolled inside the room and casually flopped down onto the least uncomfortable couch, while Cloud closed the report that he’d been reading with a slight smile. It wasn’t like he was gonna get any more work done with Zack there.

He hoisted his legs onto the backrest of the couch so he was lying upside down, and let out a long, satisfied sigh—in Zack-speak, it meant that he wanted Cloud to ask him what he was so happy about.

“Had a good day?” Cloud turned around to sit backwards in his chair.

Zack gave him a big upside-down grin. “Not yet! I’m basking in the anticipation.”

Cloud hummed. “That so?”

“Yep.” Zack spread his arms out. “I’m seeing my girlfriend, tonight. I’ve been so busy, I’ve barely managed to get down to Sector 5 lately.”

The familiar little sting of jealousy was easy to ignore. It wasn’t like Cloud had ever thought his vague, half-crush on Zack would ever go anywhere—frankly, he didn’t even want it to, because it would inevitably lead to places he was desperately uncomfortable with. Places that Zack’s mind was very clearly at as he kept talking, unaware of Cloud’s thoughts.

“She said her mom’s not gonna be home,” said Zack. “She asked me to spend the night!” He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively.“She was so cute and excited about it.”

“Uh-huh.” Right. For all that he felt at ease around Zack, there was still that invisible barrier of understanding, that world Cloud just didn’t get. It made him feel so… alone.

Zack brought his hands together. “Ah, I can’t wait. It’s such a hassle to find some privacy ‘round the slums—and she won’t even come close to HQ—so this is a golden opportunity. Man, I’m starting to get kinda nervous. I haven’t been with anyone in a while. What if I’m rusty?”

“Uh-huh.”

“I just really, really like her, y’know? I gotta make tonight awesome for both of us.”

“Uh-huh.”

Zack fell quiet for a second. Cloud looked up—he’d let his gaze wander off into nothingness—and found him frowning at him.

“You okay?” asked Zack, turning around on the couch so he was sitting normally.

Cloud gave a well-rehearsed nonchalant shrug. “Uh, yeah. All good.”

Zack’s frown deepened. “You’re a bad liar. What’s wrong? Was it something I said?”

“I’m fine. Really.” Cloud winced as Zack’s expression morphed into one of deep thought. Once he was sure something was going on, there was no dissuading him.

“Hmm… Does it bother you when I talk about my girlfriend?” he asked, putting a hand on his chin.

Cloud sighed and shook his head. “Of course not.”

“You got all sour when I mentioned I was going over to her place tonight,” said Zack. His eyebrows shot up. “Oh, I get it. Sorry—didn’t mean to brag.”

“Huh?” Cloud cocked his head to the side. “Brag?”

“Well, yeah. You’re not seeing anyone and here I am, going off about spending the night at my girlfriend’s.” He scratched the back of his neck. “So, uh, sorry.”

“I didn’t think you were bragging,” said Cloud, in a half laugh. “It’s fine.”

“Still.” Zack shrugged. “I feel bad.”

Cloud shook his head. “Don’t. I’m not interested anyway.”

Zack furrowed his brows. “Not interested… in what?”

“You know…” Cloud gestured vaguely with his hand, averting his gaze. Shit. Shouldn’t have said that.

“I really don’t. What’re you talking about?”

Cloud hesitated. Zack was looking at him with a mixture of sincere curiosity and confusion. And, when he tossed a look around, he saw that no one else was in the common room anymore. Maybe… Maybe it would be okay to talk to him about it. Maybe he would understand. He took a deep breath. “It’s just—I don’t get it,” he said, fiddling with his gloves so he wouldn’t have to look Zack in the eye. “The whole… sex thing.” He felt his ears burn, like he was a child caught saying a bad word. “I don’t get why it’s such a big deal to everyone. I dunno. Maybe there’s something wrong with me.”

Zack didn’t say anything, but Cloud wasn’t looking at him to gauge his reaction. Now that he was talking—for the first time in years—it was hard to stop. “I feel like I’m missing something—like everyone’s in on the joke except for me. I dunno—that bothers me. Not you talking about your girlfriend or anything like that.” He ran a hand over his face. “I’ve never looked at anyone and thought that I wanted to have sex with them. Is that something people just do? I just don’t get it. But everyone else does. I feel—” He cut himself off. Different. Lesser. Broken.

He had to shut up, so he did. He hazarded a glance up at Zack. He had his face scrunched up in thought, as if he were trying to remember something. Or maybe it was bafflement, confusion, disgust at Cloud’s particular brand of damaged. As unlikely as that sounded, coming from someone as nice as Zack, the prolonged stretch of silence was starting to gnaw at Cloud’s bones.

He swallowed a knot in his throat. “Know what? Forget I—”

“Oh!” Zack cut him off by snapping his fingers as his face lit up. “You’re ace, aren’t you?”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “I’m… what?” Ace? Of what? He hadn’t done that well on his latest physical assessment—and what did that have to do with anything anyway?

Zack leaned forward, his eyes sparkling with excitement. “Ace! Asexual!”

Cloud just shook his head. “I don’t know what that means.”

“Oh.” Zack leaned back and crossed his arms over his chest. “Okay, I gotta get this right. Kunsel explained it to me a while back.”

An explanation!? Cloud bit his lip to keep it from shaking. Whether that was out of fear, or excitement, he didn’t know.

Zack looked up. “Right, okay. So, you said you don’t get being attracted to people, right?”

“Right,” said Cloud, flushing a bit. “In the I-wanna-have-sex-with-you way, at least.”

“Uh-huh. Yeah, so, you know how everyone kinda has a preference in who they like? Guys, girls, non-binary people, all of the above…” Cloud nodded. “Well, some are the opposite of that. Asexual people don’t feel that way. Towards anyone. Some still like the sex, some don’t—but they’re not attracted to anyone that way.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “That way,” he repeated slowly. “The, uh, I-wanna-have-sex-with-you way?” He suddenly regretted calling it that.

Zack nodded. “Well, yeah. They might still like people romantically, but not sexually,” he said. “So, like, you’re into someone but you don’t wanna sleep with them, y’know?” He scratched the back of his neck. “I think that’s right. Mostly.”

Cloud stared at the floor. Asexual.

There’s… a word. There’s a word for it. It was a little hard to breathe.

“Cloud,” started Zack, putting a hand on his shoulder. “I think you’re ace.”

A word for me.

A million questions swirled in his mind, but the one he ended up going with was, “Is… Is that okay?”

Zack burst out laughing. “Of course it’s okay!” he exclaimed. “Can’t say I relate, myself, but it’s great!” His expression softened a bit. “There’s nothing wrong with you, Cloud. It’s okay.”

Something must have shown on his face—Cloud wasn’t even entirely sure what. Too many thoughts and emotions were running around in his mind—overlapping, pushing, and stumbling into a confused pile as they all tried to be the main thought. Cloud shook his head. He could sort them out later. He offered Zack a small smile. “I think I’m ace,” he said, as if it could sum up all that he was feeling.

Zack grinned and playfully pushed a fist against his shoulder. “Atta boy,” he said. “But you should definitely look more into it yourself. Or ask Kunsel about it. I swear, that guy’s a walking encyclopaedia.”

“I don’t know Kunsel.”

Zack shrugged. “Well, you didn’t know you were ace until five seconds ago. Things can change, buddy.”

Cloud laughed as a knot finally unravelled inside him, one that had been tightening for years.

I’m not broken.

For the first time in forever, he didn’t feel like he was lying to himself.

---

The house hadn’t changed at all. The counters in the kitchen were still cluttered but tidy, the rug in the hall still caught on the front door, the vase by the window still sat empty—no doubt waiting for the day Cloud’s mother finally planted the expensive seeds she’d gotten as a present years before. Everything was the same as when he’d left.

Cloud wished he’d changed a little more, himself.

He finally took off his helmet when he stepped inside, and was immediately enveloped in a tight hug by his mother.

“Welcome home,” she said, as Cloud patted her shoulders. “You’ve gotten so tall! What happened? Oh, it’s been too long.”

Cloud chuckled awkwardly. He hadn’t realised he’d hit a growth spurt in his time away. Now his mother was a full head shorter than him, just tall enough for her hair to tickle his chin.

“It’s only been two years,” said Cloud.

His mother stepped away from the hug and put her hands on her hips. “Only! No wonder you never call—must feel like yesterday to you! While I’m here, left to my own devices and wondering how my baby boy is doing in the big city.” She faux-pouted.

Cloud snorted. “I call. Sometimes.”

His mother raised an eyebrow. Cloud winced. She giggled and shook his head. “We’ll work on that. Welcome home, honey.” She patted his cheek and motioned for him to follow her into the kitchen. “Come on. I was just about to make dinner. You’ve got some time, right?”

Cloud nodded. “I’m on call. But it should be fine—Sephiroth said we’re gonna start the inspection tomorrow. I’ll be busy then.”

She sighed. “Well, at least I get you all to myself for a little bit. How long will you be in town for?”

“Couple weeks, give or take.”

His mother hummed, turned to the stove, and started puttering about as Cloud went to set the table. They didn’t speak for a little while. His mother seemed at ease, singing quietly to herself as she cooked, but Cloud felt his own silence weigh on him.

He’d failed. He was supposed to come home a SOLDIER, a hero—or at least a hero in the making. But he wasn’t. He was just yet another faceless grunt in the army. He could barely face his mother, let alone Tifa and the promise he’d made her. He sighed inwardly as he set down two glasses on the table.

Behind him, he heard his mother stop in her tracks. Even without turning around, Cloud knew she was studying him.

“You know,” she started, as the clinking of kitchen utensils resumed, “I’m so proud of you.”

Cloud didn’t look at her.

“I am. I know you’re not where you want to be just yet, but I’m proud of who you are. It takes a lot of courage to leave home to go follow your dreams, especially when you’re so young. Look at you.” Gently, she took him by the shoulder so she could look him in the eye. “You’ve grown so much.”

Cloud gave a half-laugh and averted his gaze. “Mom, c’mon.”

She huffed playfully and let him go. “Alright, alright, you’re prickly today.” She turned back to the counter. “But I mean it. I keep expecting to see my baby boy and I keep finding a man.” She giggled. “A really handsome one, at that. I bet girls are all over you.”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “Not really.”

“Oh, come on. I don’t believe that.” She tossed him a glance over her shoulder. “No one?”

“Nope.” He pinched the bridge of his nose as he sat down. “Seriously? We’re doing this?”

She shrugged. “Well, excuse me if I’m worried about you. All alone in the big city…”

“I live in HQ. And I’ve been out of the house for two years.”

His mother tutted. “That doesn’t make me feel better. There are so many dangers and temptations—”

“Temptations?”

“—But you know what would make me feel a lot better?”

Cloud grimaced. “Please don’t—”

She turned around and pointed at him with a wooden spoon. “You finding a nice girl to settle down with!”

He groaned and leaned back into his chair. “As if. I can take care of myself.”

She raised an eyebrow. “Have you learned to cook?”

“That’s not—”

“But it’s more than that,” she continued, turning back around. “You need someone to keep you out of trouble, and someone who’s gonna tell you when you’re being silly.”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “I’m doing just fine.” And, unless I find someone who’s also ace, that’s never gonna happen anyway.

“Like right now,” she said. “Maybe an older girlfriend. I think that’d be perfect for you.”

Cloud sighed. She still didn’t get it. “Not interested,” he said.

His mother glanced at him again. “You’re holding out on me, aren’t you? Oh, there is someone, isn’t there?” She set down the pan and switched off the stove, then turned around and went to sit in the chair in front of Cloud’s. “Come on, you can tell me!”

Cloud groaned. “I don’t—” He cut himself off and frowned. He was holding out on her, just not in the way she thought. How was she supposed to know he was asexual if he didn’t tell her? I should just do it, shouldn’t I? Maybe she’d stop needling him about getting a girlfriend, then. He took a deep breath. “No one, really. But there’s something I—”

Beep-beep-beep. Beep-beep-beep.

His mother cocked her head to the side. “Is that your phone?”

“Yeah,” said Cloud, fishing it out of his pocket. He smiled when he saw that it was a text from Zack. Maybe he was taking Cloud on about coming to dinner at his place. “Just a sec.”

He quickly scanned the text and frowned.

“Something bad?”

He shook his head. “Not really. But I have to report back to the Inn for a briefing.”

Her face fell. “Now? But you said—”

“I know. I’m sorry.” Cloud stood up and grabbed his discarded helmet. “But that’s what being on call means. I have to be available.”

His mother walked with him to the door. “I understand,” she said sadly. “Well, alright. Go do your big important job. But I expect you to be back before you leave for a proper dinner.” She winked and patted his shoulder. “And maybe you can bring this mysterious texter along. I saw you smile at your phone, don’t think I didn’t.”

Cloud snorted. “Seriously?” Well, now he couldn’t ask Zack to come with him, unless he wanted to die of embarrassment. “It’s not like that. Actually, I—” He cut himself off and frowned. He couldn’t come out to his mother while halfway out the front door. He needed to sit her down and explain himself. “Know what? I’ll tell you when I come back for dinner.”

She nodded and leaned against the doorframe. “Alright. I’ll hold you to that.”

He smiled. “Yeah. Don’t worry. See you later.”

---

Cloud hadn’t expected to run into Tifa again, especially not in Midgar of all places. She ran a bar, now, on top of being part of a small eco-terrorist cell out to take down Shinra. And, well, Cloud was only happy to help with that part—for a fee, of course.

Tifa had been excited to see him. Cloud was glad to see she was doing well, although he couldn’t quite shake the memory of her lying on the floor of the Nibelheim reactor in a pool of her own blood. Cloud frowned. He’d really thought she wouldn’t make it.

But she had, and she’d built a new life in Midgar. She told him about it as she confidently led him through the narrow streets that made up the Sector 7 Undercity, the day after the Reactor 1 mission, but Cloud was only half-listening. It was a by-product of his SOLDIER training: he had to be on constant alert in case anything happened. However, instead of approaching enemies or monsters, all he picked up on were fragments of conversations from the people around him.

“Did you hear about the secret reactor jobs?”

“Wedge has so many cats—I wanna go see them!”

“Have you seen Betty? She was just at the playground…”

“I wanna drink with Tifa so bad.”

“Who wouldn’t? She’s a looker!”

“A bombshell, even!”

“I really wanna ask her out.”

“No way, dude, she’s so out of your league.”

Cloud stopped in his tracks. He quickly found the three drunk-at-10-in-the-morning men sitting on the steps in front of a house just a short distance away. They saw his glare and rushed to cover their faces.

“Oh, great. That her boyfriend or somethin’?”

Cloud sighed, shook his head, and hurried to catch back up with Tifa. When it came to being into someone, adults and thirteen-year-olds had a lot in common.

Seeing his old crush again, after so many years—and a very important realisation—had been strange. She’d gone from being pretty to undeniably beautiful, but Cloud didn’t think he felt any differently about her. And it was fine.

Years before, Cloud would’ve felt self-conscious and weird about looking at Tifa without a trace of the fabled sexual attraction—did feel self-conscious and weird. But there was a sense of peace about recognising his asexuality, a release from that expectation. He couldn’t remember the exact moment he’d realised it, or when he’d first learned the term. But it didn’t matter, he supposed. All that mattered was that he had it, and that he didn’t need to feel like there was something wrong with him anymore.

“Cloud?”

He shook his head and looked at Tifa. She’d stopped a few steps in front of him, and had a quizzical expression on her face. “Hm?”

“You good? You seem distracted.”

“I’m good,” he said. “Just thinking.”

“About?”

He shrugged. “Nothin’. Let’s go.”

Cloud walked ahead of Tifa, then let her catch up because she was the one leading him to wherever their odd jobs were taking them. After just a moment of silence, she started talking about a customer that had been giving her grief the day before, light and casual. Cloud again let her voice wash over him as he listened to the words and noises of the Undercity. It was kind of relaxing.

---

While Cloud had a lot of practice interrogating his own feelings of attraction—or lack thereof—he wasn’t used to being the target of it. It seemed unfair: he didn’t want anything to do with it, so why were other people dragging him into their games and desires?

Working with Jessie had been a rude awakening in that regard. He couldn’t be sure how much of it was an act—according to Wedge, it was all of it, Cloud disagreed—but Jessie was well and truly too thirsty for her own good.

He’d never really questioned whether or not he was attractive, but Jessie was very clear and very vocal about her opinion on the subject.

She’d kept up the flirty comments during the entirety of the Reactor mission, and then as he escorted her to the Plate to procure ingredients for her bombs. He didn’t really understand how she could focus on him while also dodging mortal danger. Maybe she was trying to get him to loosen up, or coping with fear. Either way, Cloud didn’t have time to pay her much mind while fighting for his—and everyone’s—life. However, he didn’t have anywhere to escape when she chose to hit on him with no danger in sight, when he went to check on her after their escapade to the Plate.

“Promise you’ll come back tomorrow night? My roommates should all be out.” Jessie linked her hands behind her back and winked as she swayed on the balls of her feet. “Come ooon. It’ll be lots of fun!”

Cloud sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t be that desperate.”

Jessie shrugged. “Who says I’m desperate? It’s not like I’m settling, Mr Eye Candy.” As if to underline her point, she looked him up and down with an exaggerated pensive expression and a satisfied hmm. He felt his face heat up a bit.

“Seriously?” groaned Cloud. “Cut it out. Not interested.”

Jessie frowned and took a step back. “Oh. Okay. Uh, sorry.”

Cloud sighed and rolled his eyes. “Don’t take it the wrong way,” he said. “It’s nothing to do with you. It’s just—”

Jessie burst out laughing. “Are you seriously giving me the it’s not you, it’s me?” She waved a hand in the air. “Thought that only happened in shitty movies.”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “Huh?”

“Sorry, babe,” said Jessie, in a deep, goofy voice. “It’s not you—it’s me. See, my love for brooding and whacking things with a sword is far stronger than my love for you. It’ll never work between us.”

“I don’t sound like that,” said Cloud, shaking his head. He did offer a half smile, though. “And I didn’t say that.”

Jessie put her hands on her hips. “May-ko, Mah-ko. Anyway, I better get going.” She didn’t even pretend to move. “Buuut, if you reconsider...”

Cloud rolled his eyes. “I won’t.”

She brought a hand to her chest, faux-hurt. “Ouch! Hey, is that the arrow of love, piercing my heart? Or the cold sting of rejection?”

Cloud snorted. “You’re ridiculous.”

Jessie winked. “It’s part of the charm, Hotshot. It working?”

Cloud shook his head. Again, the question of her sincerity prodded at his mind. He toyed with the idea of telling her about himself—about how it really wasn’t because of her that he wasn’t interested. But, somehow, he doubted it would have worked. “Not really,” he said.

Jessie laughed. “Oh, you sweet-talker. I’ll win ya over, one of these days. Just you see.”

“Uh-huh.”

She winked and finally turned to open the door to her house. “Well, it’s getting late. Thanks for coming to check on me. And thanks for tonight.” She waved and went inside—but she pushed the door open again just a moment later. “Remember! Offer’s still valid!”

Cloud shut the door in her face.

---

Wall Market was home to many a neon sign, but the most glaring of all to Cloud was the one reiterating just how ace he was in contrast to how horny everyone else seemed to be.

“You two! Yes, you!” shouted a barker standing in front of a rickety-looking inn. “Do you have a place to stay this enchanted evening? We have the perfect room for a sweet-looking couple like you!”

Cloud groaned as Aerith giggled by his side. “No thanks,” he said quickly. And he was the weird one for not being into sex? Maybe some people needed to be slightly less into it, instead.

“But you thought about it, didn’t you?” said Aerith, winking at him.

Cloud rolled his eyes. “Get real.”

She giggled again. “Sorry, sorry. I’m kidding.” She took his arm and gently turned him around. “The nerve of some people, right? Come on. Inn’s this way.”

He let her lead him away as the barker shouted something at their retreating backs. After a few steps, Aerith let go of Cloud’s arm, but kept walking close to him anyway. She seemed to know where she was going, so he took the chance to properly take in his surroundings.

Wall Market was… a lot. A lot of noise, a lot of bright lights, a lot of people. At times, it was almost hard to keep his eyes open. He wondered whether it was a special night, or if every night in Wall Market was like that. It sounded exhausting to exist in any longer than strictly necessary, but maybe he was just wired weird. There was music coming from somewhere—multiple somewheres, in fact, playing a bunch of different songs—and people were dancing, eating, drinking, chatting like they didn’t have a care in the world.

Even Aerith seemed to be enjoying herself just by passing through the crowd. There was a bounce in her step that hadn’t been there earlier in the day, in Sector 5. Cloud realised it was a dance. It was subtle and subdued, but there nonetheless, as if she couldn’t quite ignore the urge to follow the beat, no matter their mission to rescue Tifa. It was strangely endearing, and Cloud briefly wished they had the time to stop so she could dance properly. But they didn’t and, before he knew it, they were in front of the Honeybee Inn’s neon-covered entrance, and the bounce vanished.

“Alright!” exclaimed Aerith, stopping beside him with her hands on her hips. “Let’s go over the plan again.”

Cloud sighed. “It’s not much of a plan. You bargained me away in exchange for disguises.”

She laughed and patted his shoulder. “Oh, don’t be dramatic. I still need you for this mission, I can’t very well just bargain you away. You just have to give the nice people a good show, that’s all.”

Cloud eyed the crowd of drunk and loud perspective spectators lining up outside of the Honeybee Inn. Aerith giggled again. “Besides, I’ll be there too. Wouldn’t miss it for the world.”

“You still haven’t told me what the show is,” groaned Cloud.

Aerith shrugged. “That’s because I don’t know. Haven’t been here before, and the owner didn’t say. Guess we’ll just have to go inside and ask. He should be back by now.”

Stepping inside the Honeybee Inn was like entering a whole new world inside a bubble. The interior of the building was lavishly decorated, clean, and spacious: a far cry from the cramped chaos of the rest of Wall Market. As Aerith walked directly to the reception desk, Cloud looked around the lobby. Mixed in with the steadily growing crowd of customers, there were people dressed in bright yellow and black, some sporting top-hats and vests and some in one of the most ridiculous getups Cloud had ever seen. They were wearing fishnet tights and fuzzy collars, and they had a large plastic ball stuck to their backs, painted to resemble a bee’s sting, as well as antennae and wings.

Cloud had long given up trying to figure out what people found hot about other people, but ‘sexy bee’ had to be a weird one, right?

“Well,” said Aerith, suddenly appearing at his side. “Guess we know why it’s called Honeybee Inn, now.”

Cloud snorted. “Yeah. Talked to the owner?”

“Yep,” said Aerith, popping the p. “They’re waiting for you just through those doors.”

He nodded. “And you?”

She pointed to a bee-girl standing a little bit behind her. “Gonna go get ready now. I’ll see you inside. Break a leg, ‘kay?”

Cloud sighed. “Sure. Let’s get this over with.”

Aerith giggled and waved at him before walking over to the bee-girl, who took her by the elbow and led her into a small side corridor. Cloud took a deep breath and made his way to the door Aerith had pointed out to him, the one that had a sign with a cartoon bee wearing a tutu and ballet shoes.

Inside, he was immediately met by two bee-girls rushing up to him.

“Cloud, right?” asked the taller of the two, taking his arm. “We’ve been waiting for you! Come on, the show’s about to start!”

Cloud frowned. “Hey, hold on—I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be doing.”

The bee-girls shared a look. “Oh, don’t worry, honey,” said the shorter bee, also tugging him by the arm. “You just follow the lead and everything will be okay. It’s just dancing.”

Cloud sputtered, “Dancing!?”

The first bee-girl gave him a bright smile. “Isn’t it exciting? C’mon, this way!”

“Hey, wait a—”

A few minutes later, Cloud was sitting in a small booth to the side of a large dark room, only illuminated by a few candles set on each table. People were slowly pouring in and Cloud could just about make out stagehands setting something up on the big, raised platform in the back of the hall. The two bee-girls from before were sitting on either side of him, and Cloud wanted nothing more than for them to not.

If he had thought that Jessie’s flirting was uncomfortable, it didn’t hold a candle to the Honeybee Inn girls. They were both pressed against him: one of them had her head on his shoulder, while the other was running her hand along his arm.

“I can’t wait to see you in action,” she said, squeezing his wrist. “I bet you move like a dream.” She winked. “Hey, if you’re up for it, I’m free later tonight for a private showing.”

Cloud grimaced. “I’m not,” he said.

“Oh, that’d be fun,” piped up the other bee-girl, tapping Cloud’s chest. “You sure you can’t spare some time for us?” She put on a cutesy pout.

Cloud kinda wanted to bolt, but he didn’t know where Aerith was, or how he could find her quickly enough to get away from the Honeybee Inn. “Very sure.”

The first bee-girl snapped her fingers and finally leaned away from him. “Oh, I get it! You’re with that girl from before, aren’t you? Shit, sorry, didn’t realise.”

He opened his mouth to deny it, but then closed it. Probably for the best if he let them believe he was taken rather than simply uninterested. He sighed inwardly. Why couldn’t people just take a hint?

The other girl let him go as well. “That brunette in the pink dress? Oh, I see. She’s cute—you guys make a good couple.”

Cloud just hummed, eyes fixed on a point just above the dark stage. He felt his face heat up a bit, but hopefully they couldn’t tell.

The first girl patted him on the shoulder in a way that was much less uncomfortable than before. “Well, good luck. Oh, look, the show’s about to start!”

A single spotlight appeared over the stage, and bee-people started pouring in from the wings as a steady beat grew in volume from the speakers. The bee-girls took Cloud by the arms and dragged him with them to the stage. There, they handed him over to another bee-person, who all but threw him to the spotlight. Once he got there, the beat stopped, and he quickly backed out of the beam of light.

Cloud slowly looked up. He could barely see the audience in the dark, and he couldn’t hear anything but hushed giggles and his own heartbeat pumping loudly in his ears.

Shit.

He looked around. The bee-people were standing still, neatly positioned in two lines at his sides. One of the bee-girls from earlier caught his eyes and motioned to the smile on her face. Cloud scowled at her. The beat started up again, and a bee-guy nodded towards the spotlight.

He sighed. Okay. Fine. Just gotta get through this.

Cloud closed his eyes and straightened up. He was a SOLDIER, trained to control his body and adapt to his surroundings. He could improvise a stupid dance.

As soon as he stepped into the spotlight again, cheers erupted from the audience, as well as applause and whistles. Someone yelled, “Woah, he’s hot!” and Cloud suddenly wanted to turn tail again. Everyone in the hall was looking right at him, and he decided very quickly that he hated it. He wasn’t trained to deal with that.

Shit. Shit, shit, shit. The hell do I do?

“Woo! You got this, Cloud!”

Aerith’s voice cut right through the fog in his brain. He shook his head and looked for her. She was sitting in the closest booth to the stage. She’d changed: she was wearing a deep red dress and had red flowers woven into her hair. She gave him a bright grin and a thumbs-up.

Seeing her seemed to snap his mind back in place. Everything was fine. He had no stakes in the stupid dance going well. He just needed to uphold his end of the bargain so he and Aerith could get the hell out of there and go save Tifa.

Cloud closed his eyes and took a deep breath. Everything was fine. It was. Aerith was right there and cheering him on. Even if he was stuck up on a stage, under the eyes of a room full of people, he suddenly felt much calmer. He didn’t need to be good, he just needed to get through the show. To hell with the crowd of strangers. But seeing Aerith so excited made him want to at least give her a fun time. He didn’t need to care about the rest of the audience. If he just focused on making her smile, it’d be fine.

When the music came blaring in, the dancing began, and Cloud kept his eyes on Aerith throughout the show.

---

Falling in love with Aerith hurt.

It hurt in a way Cloud had never experienced before. Before, he’d never really given much thought to crushes. He’d realise he liked someone, then shrug and move on. He knew nothing would come of it and, even if it did, he knew that they would leave the second they found out he just wasn’t the full package when it came to relationships.

It had been like that with Tifa, at least for a little bit after they’d reconnected in Midgar. So what if Cloud had still sort of liked her? Why tell her if all the possible outcomes led to awkwardness and embarrassment? Either she didn’t like him, and that would’ve been that, or she did and then she would have left anyway after finding out he was ace. Rejection was lying in wait, sooner or later, and it just wasn’t worth the trouble. So Cloud had just… waited it out. It really hadn’t been that hard, in hindsight. He’d been busy, after all. His doomed love life could wait.

And then… and then he’d met Aerith.

Falling in love with her had snuck up on him. One day, they were friends forged by circumstances and a common enemy. The next, he’d woken up in their party’s shared tent to Aerith having curled up to him in her sleep, and he’d thought that he never wanted to leave that moment, that he wanted to hug her, hold her close, and share every morning with her for the rest of his life.

Except he couldn’t.

There was no way Aerith liked him that way—not when she was so incredibly charming, funny, spirited, and beautiful, and Cloud was just… Cloud. She deserved the world, not someone who struggled with grasping a simple high-five.

And if, somehow, it turned out that she did love him back, that still wouldn’t have solved anything. Even in his lowest moments, Cloud couldn’t quite bring himself to believe that she would have been disgusted by him being asexual, but she had the right to not want to be with someone who couldn’t offer her that side of a relationship.

He knew she wasn’t ace—first off, because almost nobody else was, but also because he’d sometimes overheard her talk with Tifa, no matter how hard he tried not to listen in. But Aerith didn’t have a shy bone in her body, and so Cloud had learned that she’d had at least a few one-night-stands and a couple of boyfriends over the years—curiously, though, never someone from Sector 5. She’d never gone into much detail, thankfully, but it was enough for Cloud to never even develop the faintest hope that, maybe, she was like him.

Once again, he’d decided to just wait it out. But it was so much harder than it had been with Tifa. Aerith was her own centre of gravity, and Cloud couldn’t help it if he loved being drawn into her orbit. He couldn’t push her away when she joined him to chat while he kept watch at night, he couldn’t help but be happy whenever they were sent to scout out an area together, he couldn’t stop watching out for her reactions whenever he said something funny or cool. It wasn’t so much that it was hard not to act on his feelings, but it just hurt to know he never could.

Cloud had never wished he was normal, not until Aerith. He’d tried, he’d tried so hard to be normal for her, to not be ace. He’d tried putting himself in the shoes of someone who could be sexually attracted to people, but he didn’t know how to. He didn’t know how it was supposed to feel, what he was supposed to think. Aerith was gorgeous and so vibrantly alive that sometimes it felt like he was looking at the sun. If he wasn’t attracted to her in that way, then he doubted he ever could be, to anyone.

So, that left him no choice but to keep his damn mouth shut and push down those feelings until they either went away or became a dull ache in the back of his mind that he could learn to live with.

“Whatcha thinking about?”

Cloud looked up from the campfire to find Aerith standing just outside the tent, wrapped in a blanket and wearing a small, tired, smile.

You, he thought.

“Nothing,” he said.

“Me too,” said Aerith. She walked close, sat down next to him, and draped her blanket over his shoulders as well as hers. “Mind if I keep you company?”

Cloud shrugged, even though his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. “Suit yourself.”

She smiled. “Think I will.” She leaned against his shoulder and closed her eyes.

Cloud exhaled quietly.

It hurt, but seeing her leave would have hurt more.

---

Cloud woke up with a sharp intake of breath, but he didn’t open his eyes right away.

Where am I?

He was lying on hard and uneven ground, with something jutting uncomfortably into his shoulder. His clothes were wet and sticky, and a light breeze was making him shiver. People were whispering around him, and someone was holding his hand over his chest.

What happened?

He’d been… asleep, but dreaming about the Lifestream. Tifa had been there, floating in his dream and helping him put it together like a puzzle, until the picture was clear and Cloud was himself again, rather than a pale and pathetic imitation of the SOLDIER he’d failed to be.

He clutched the hand holding his a little bit tighter. He needed the grounding.

“Cloud?” called a voice in a whisper, a voice he could have picked up even in the middle of a thunderstorm. “Cloud, are you…?”

His eyelids were heavy, but he managed to pry them open, just so he could see her. She was kneeling right beside him, his hand in hers and eyes shiny with tears. She had a trembling smile on her face, and she looked dishevelled and frazzled.

But she was there, and she was the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

He tried to speak. “A-Aerith…” he said, like a prayer, as he tried to push himself upright.

But she had other plans. “Cloud!” she exclaimed, breathless. She let go of his hand and threw her arms around his neck, pushing him back to the ground as she held him tight.

Cloud wrapped his arms around her middle out of reflex and relief. He buried his face in the crook of her neck and took a deep, shaky breath. She’s here. She’s real. “Aerith,” he murmured, just because he could. I love you, I love you, I love you.

She let out a weak laugh and pulled him up into a sitting position without ever letting go of him. “You’re here,” she whispered, a hair away from his ear. “You’re okay. Right?”

He chuckled quietly. “Think so.”

Aerith held him tighter. “Thank goodness.”

Other people were still talking around them, but Cloud didn’t pay them any mind. He could feel Aerith’s hummingbird-fast heartbeat against his chest, and he wondered if she could feel his in the same way.

She let go of him just enough to look him in the eyes. She cupped his face in her hands and gently wiped a tear from his cheek—he hadn’t known he was crying. He did the same for her.

“Hey,” he whispered, because he didn’t know what to say.

Aerith smiled. “I’ve been looking for you,” she said, voice dripping with emotion. “There you are.”

Then she kissed him, soft and salty from the tears.

Cloud had never been kissed before. His eyes snapped wide open and then squeezed shut, and he balled his hands into the back of her jacket as he pulled her closer, unsure but determined. Aerith hummed, a quiet vibration that echoed all the way down to his chest, which was so tight that it felt like he was going to explode. In that moment, nothing else mattered.

Aerith pulled away from him for a second. She made a sound halfway between a laugh and a sob and said, “You’re back, you’re back, you’re back!”

Cloud laughed. “I’m back.” And then he drew her into another warm kiss.

Someone laughed behind her. “Alright, alright, lovebirds, get a room,” said Barret. “C’mon, Aerith, give the guy some space. We were all worried sick.”

Cloud wanted to protest that he didn’t want any space from her, but she huffed good-naturedly and let him go. She didn’t go far, though. She settled down next to him and took his hand again, squeezing it gently.

Cloud finally looked around. All of his friends were there and everyone was smiling.

He smiled as well and tightened his hold on Aerith’s hand. She grinned and leaned against him, shoulder to shoulder. “Welcome back,” she said.

For that one, single moment, everything was perfect.

---

Aerith had told him that she loved him.

Cloud lay awake in his bed in the Kalm Inn, as his mind kept replaying her face and her voice. It seemed impossible. But, then again, he’d seen his fair share of impossible things lately.

They’d defeated Sephiroth.

Holy and the Lifestream had destroyed Meteor.

They’d saved the world.

Aerith loved him.

Cloud ran a hand over his face. She lovedhim. He’d managed to say it back, in a surprised stuttering fashion, and she’d just laughed and kissed him. His heart had felt like it was going to burst out of his chest. She loved him.

He cast a glance at the wall to his right. Aerith was asleep in the room right next to Cloud’s, probably mumbling quietly into her pillow. He wanted to run to her and tell her that he loved her over and over and over, to whisper it in her hands and on her lips until he stopped feeling like he was overflowing with it, if it was even possible. He ached to see her, to talk to her, to make her smile. He couldn’t wait for the morning.

But he also dreaded it. He, this, they were running out of time. With every day that he got to spend by Aerith’s side, Cloud was painfully more and more aware of the fact that he hadn’t told her yet. About being asexual.

Aerith hadn’t brought up sex yet. Cloud figured that she thought he wanted to take things slowly in that regard. He felt as if he was tricking her, stringing her along on the implicit promise of a candle that would never light. He just… hadn’t been able to find the words, or the moment. At least, that’s what he told himself.

In reality, he was just selfish. Cloud knew that his time with Aerith was limited, so he kept quiet to delay the end. He wanted to cherish the days he spent by her side, the days that would come to a screeching halt as soon as he came out to her and confessed that he couldn’t give her all she wanted from a relationship. Love wasn’t going to be enough.

Cloud sighed and covered his eyes with his arm. He was being so selfish. It was unfair to her.

I have to tell her.

There was never going to be a ‘right moment,’ or a right way to do it. He just needed to rip off the band-aid, no matter how much it would hurt to see the disappointment on her face. No matter how much it would hurt to never be able to hold her again.

All he could hope for was that she wouldn’t stop being his friend.

---

“Asexual?”

Cloud winced. He couldn’t read the emotion in her voice, and he wasn’t looking at her, either. There: it was done, as ungracefully as he did most things that required talking. He’d just blurted it out, and now Aerith knew and he just had to wait for the break-up.

“Uh, yeah,” he said, picking at the blades of grass at the side of their picnic cloth. “It means that I’m—”

“I know what it means,” said Aerith, gently.

Cloud let out a small sigh of relief. Thank god.

“Zack explained it to me forever ago,” continued Aerith. She chuckled fondly. “One time, he showed up to a date night yelling about how he’d helped one of his friends figure out he was ace. He was very proud.”

Cloud laughed mirthlessly. “Yeah. That, uh, that was me. Probably.”

“Oh. Small world.” She paused. “You’ve known for a long time, then.”

He nodded, still without looking at her.

“Okay,” said Aerith.

Cloud frowned. “Okay?”

“I understand. Thank you for telling me—I’m glad you trust me with this.”

He winced. “I’m sorry.”

“Hm? Why are you sorry?”

He finally looked at her. She had a perplexed expression on her face and her head was tilted to the side in confusion. Cloud gestured vaguely with his hands. “Y’know…” he started. It was hard to speak. “I’m sorry about… this.”

Aerith frowned. “This,” she repeated. Then, a flash passed over her face. “Hey, just so we’re on the same page… Are you breaking up with me?”

Cloud winced again. Did she want him to do it? “I mean—I know you—” He cut himself off and ran a hand through his hair. He couldn’t bring himself to say it.

Aerith looked at him for a long moment, then her expression softened. “Cloud,” she said, reaching out to take his hands. “Lemme rephrase that. Do you think I’m going to break up with you?”

He didn’t meet her eyes. He sighed. “Well… yeah,” he confessed quietly. “You deserve to be with someone who—”

“Cloud,” she interrupted. She held his hands tighter. “I don’t want to break up. Do you?”

He froze. Slowly, he turned to look at Aerith again. She was smiling softly, and stroking his hands with her thumbs. “…No,” he breathed. “But—”

“Then it’s settled!” she let go of his hands to move the remains of their picnic aside and then scooted closer to him. She brushed his hair out of his face and smiled. “Ya had me scared there for a second.”

Cloud shook his head. “What? I told you, I’m—”

“Ace. I got that. And that’s okay,” she said. She pressed a light kiss against his lips. Cloud couldn’t help but melt into it. “Cloud, it’s okay,” she said when she pulled away.

He frowned and took her hand. “Aerith, look.” He took a deep breath. “I don’t know what’s going through your head, but I need you to understand.”

Aerith nodded with a smile. “Of course.”

Cloud sighed. “I’m asexual. And I—I don’t think I ever want to have sex. With anyone. Ever.” He ran a hand over his face. “I—I love you. So much. But I just… I can’t. I can’t give you that. I wish I could.” He looked away. “I’m sorry.”

Aerith gently turned his face back towards her. “I love you too,” she said. “And that’s why I’m not breaking up with you.”

“…What?” he stared at her.

She shrugged. “I like sex, sure. But I like you a lot more.” She smiled. “I don’t care if we never do it. I don’t care if you’re not into me that way. There’s more to a relationship than sex. I want to be with you. And, if you want to be with me too, that’s all that matters.”

Cloud blinked down at her, at a loss. He’d been bracing himself for so long, and the blow hadn’t come. But he was still wound up tight as a spring. Aerith smiled and opened her arms. Cloud let out a shuddering half-laugh and let her pull him into a hug. He buried his face in the crook of her neck. “Thank you,” he murmured into her skin.

Aerith giggled and tapped her fingers on his back. “What for? Silly.”

Cloud sighed deeply as the tension left him. “I was scared. So scared.”

She hummed. “I know. The whole time we’ve been together?” He nodded. “Sorry about that. I’m glad we could clear this up.”

“Yeah,” he said. “I was so sure you’d—” He shook his head. “I was so sure I was gonna hurt you. I’m sorry I didn’t say anything sooner.”

Aerith pulled away a bit. “I get why you didn’t.” She looked down and bit her lip. “Cloud, you’ll tell me if I do anything that makes you uncomfortable, right?”

Cloud furrowed his brows. “Hm?”

She found his hand. “I’m a little worried you might feel like you need to force yourself to be okay with things that aren’t okay. For my sake.” She smiled. “You don’t have to. Just talk to me, and we can figure out a compromise. ‘Kay?”

“Oh.” Cloud rubbed the back of his neck. “Yeah. I will. Uh, same for you.”

Aerith nodded and gave his hand a light squeeze. “Okay.” She leaned closer to him, then paused. “Just checking—you are cool with me kissing you, right?”

Cloud laughed and pressed his lips against hers. “So cool,” he said.

Aerith giggled. “Awesome,” she said, and kissed him again.

He pulled her close and poured all the love and relief he was feeling into the embrace.

He wasn’t broken, he’d never been broken. But he loved being with someone who helped him believe that.

#cloud strife #aerith gainsborough #clerith #my fics #my writing #my stuff #asexuality #final fantasy vii #long winded notes and comments on ao3!

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ghosts-and-blue-sweaters · 10 months

Note

🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹🌹

smirks hehehee

If I counted correctly, that is 98 roses! Holy jalapeños!

Okay. Y’know what. This is what I think I’ll do.

I probably have at least 100 WIPs, so I’ll see if I can find a line from each of them to share :D I’ve lost inspiration for most of them aksgaksgajsg but still!!

Edit: I gave up XD You get 42 snippets lol

~~~

Wilbur blinks, lifting his head—away from the bottom of the bridge, that's good, that's what Tommy wanted—to blink at his brother. "Hey."

~~~

Wilbur scowls. He wishes that he hadn't cried. Now all the doctors and nurses remember him as the crying kid. So embarrassing.

~~~

Crawling close to his brother, Wilbur gently places his hands on the baby's side, rolling Tommy over until he's flat on his back. Tommy squints up at him, arms sprawled out so he looks like a capital T. Wilbur stifles back a giggle.

~~~

Wilbur smiles really, really big. "Now we're a family."

~~~

Wilbur watches him evenly. "I just want you to know that I'll like you forever. Even when you stop being a baby and everything. Even when you get big. I'll always be bigger than you, so that means... that means my love will get bigger, too!"

~~~

Mum doesn't seem to hear him. She always has trouble hearing him when she has the bottles.

~~~

The train continues to barrel towards him, and Wilbur doesn't blink.

~~~

"Hm?" Tommy looks up, staring at Tubbo for a moment before nodding. "Yeah, yeah, of course. Obviously. They don't call me Tommy 'The Listener' for nothing."

"No one calls you that."

"They do! They talk about me in the streets, Tubbo!"

"The streets?"

"Yeah." Tommy flicks his spoon with a finger, watching it slide around the bowl. A few drops splatter onto the table. "You're just not listening hard enough."

"Alright then; what was I talking about just now?"

"Uhh... a game- mods! You mentioned mods!"

Tubbo nods slowly. "Alright. I stand corrected."

"Get corrected, idiot." Tommy smirks.

~~~

Softly said by an old friend as they sat together on the front porch, chatting amiably as crows flew overhead.

~~~

He'd give anything to hear that laugh, even just once more.

~~~

Phil doesn't swoop in to save him.

~~~

Ghostbur stares at the notebook in front of him, feeling his heart begin to quicken. It's empty. Pages and pages of blank paper. Senseless, meaningless.

Is that how my brain looks inside? Miles and miles of nothingness?

~~~

The last word comes out in a sob, and then Tommy's arms are wrapped around him, and Tubbo's face is buried into Tommy's chest, and they're both holding on for dear life.

~~~

Storm. Wilbur feels his heart skip a beat. His first storm in thirteen years.

~~~

But in the off-chance you don't throw this letter in the bin, hello! I thought I should update you on what's been going on recently, so you don't freak out (because we all know that you tend to freak out from time to time. You're quite clingy).

~~~

Wilbur squeals, excitedly kicking out with his legs. Phil grins down at him, making sure his grip is secure. It's not hard to hang onto a five year old, but he doesn't want to risk dropping him.

~~~

Wilbur slides his jacket off his shoulder, exposing his dirt streaked bandage, already soaked with blood. Tommy doesn't hesitate.

~~~

"Hello, Phil." A soft voice rang out, cutting through the lazy chatter of bugs and the gentle swishing of leaves. It was a voice Phil knew by heart, one that he could pinpoint in the middle of a raging battle, the fiercest storm, at the end of the world, even.

~~~

“Not, um, nothing! Nothing, Wilbur, really! Come to think of it, do I hear Eret? Oh yes, I almost forgot; I need to go see him, so bye-"

~~~

The first time Tommy says it, Wilbur is picking berries.

~~~

The silence is uncomfortable. Wilbur’s skin crawls, and the air seems to crackle with tension.

At least for him. The ghost seems perfectly happy, walking strangely in order to stomp on fallen leaves. He bends down at multiple points, admiring a caterpillar or picking up a rock.

Wilbur doesn’t stop to wait for him, but Ghostbur doesn’t seem to mind. It’s annoyingly infuriating.

~~~

And then Quackity had stopped by, smirking behind the glass walls. Wilbur had glared at him, failing to notice the smoking grill in the kitchen. Quackity noticed though, and his already large grin grew even wider, especially when Wilbur began smelling smoke and had cursed loudly, racing into the back room.

When he'd returned to the counter, he'd found a lovely message spray-painted onto the glass walls:

Your burgers suck.

~~~

There's a man that plays music on the surface.

~~~

"Phil." Techno clapped his hands together, speaking in the same tone that a parent would use as they're trying to explain something to a child. "These people know who we are. They know who we are, and they want to get rid of us."

"'Get rid of' is a pretty strong choice of-"

"The posters literally say 'wanted dead or alive', Philza!"

~~~

He'll then grab a baked potato and a cup of water, gazing at himself in the reflection and swirling it around, distorting his features. He has bags under his eyes now. Streaks of dirt across his cheeks. A crack in his lip.

~~~

"Wha- but I am a grown, I'm a big man, I'm the biggest man there ever was!" Tommy stutters, puffing out his chest. "See? I'm asserting dominance!"

~~~

The shower handle rests towards the ceiling, the long, attached cord snaking down and burrowing itself into the wall. It's intimidating. He remembers being scared of shower handles as a kid; he thought they looked like water monsters.

~~~

Phil has fallen into a routine. Or perhaps fallen is the wrong word for it; it's more like settling. The routine has always been there, it's just taken him a while to discover it.

That's poetic as crap. Isn't it.

~~~

Wil smiles a bit wider. The skin around his eyes crinkles, just like his father's. "Yes. But now- now we can do it, right? And it's not even illegal!"

~~~

"I mean that it won't pacify them. Chat's crazy, Wilbur. They don't listen to anything I have to say. They just say E."

Phil laughs louder, and a little bit of tea spills out the side of his mug.

ANGRYBLADE

NOOOOOOO

BAD TECHNO

That Wilbur dude is funny he should do lore

PHIL IS LUAGHING HE'S GONNA CHOKE AND DIE HELP

BOREDDDDD

silly little wilblur he will undertsadn soon

~~~

"I mean," Tubbo tilts his head, squinting into the sunset. "Tommy... he's a little startling, I admit. And loud."

"Very loud."

"And definitely a bit much, at times. I agree that he can be a little intimidating. But trust me, he wouldn't hurt a fly."

"Oh. That's- that's reassuring."

"I mean, he'd definitely hurt Dream."

"O- oh."

"And Sapnap. And Bad. And a couple other people, now that I think about it."

"Oh."

"He'd break their knees."

Ranboo pulls his legs to his chest, wrapping his tail around them. "Oh."

~~~

"Alright." Tubbo shifts, clapping his hands together. Ranboo jumps. "Alright Michael. We'll tell you, uh... we'll tell you a story."

"We will?"

Tubbo forces himself to take a deep breath, turning to Ranboo with wide eyes. "Yes, Ranboo. We will. It will make him happy, won't it?"

"Uh..." Ranboo's eyes lighten with realization. "Oh, yeah. Defin- yeah, totally. Looks like we're, uh, doing a story. Story-time. Time for a story. Yep."

~~~

Wil claps his hands together, making her jump. "Then that's what we'll do! Teach me to cook, Niki Nihachu!"

"Well to start, we are baking, not cooking."

"Oh." Wilbur tilts his head. "I thought they were the same thing?"

"Um... no."

"Oh." Wilbur furrows his brow, as if struggling to comprehend this.

~~~

Wilbur's eyes flutter open, and he turns his head to the side as Sally climbs into the van. She's holding a bag of onion rings, along with a can of soda. "I got your snacks."

~~~

"Phil, please, just-!" Wilbur turns, slamming his fist onto the table and making himself jump with the loudness of it. "I don't- I don't really need... I don't-"

~~~

Wilbur shuts his eyes tight. "I don't want to be broken. I really don't want to be broken, but I am, and I don't... want to, Phil."

~~~

Phil sits at the dining room table, sipping tea that Techno had made earlier. It's hot, but Phil doesn't mind. He's content to blow the steam from the top, putting a little into his mouth before swallowing and setting down the mug. His favorite mug too, the one he'd bought from a far-away village in a far-away land in a far-away time. Or perhaps he'd stolen it.

~~~

Wilbur is all curled up like a wood louse.

~~~

Tubbo tries to get his shower. He really does! But he doesn't quite know how to work it; it's set up differently, and the water goes from boiling hot to ice cold with the slightest adjustment. He also can't figure out how to change it from pouring out of the faucet to spraying out of the shower head, and after several minutes of trying, he resorts to taking a bath instead.

~~~

"I know, Tommy. I'm getting a plaster for you, okay? That'll make it better."

~~~

"I am yours," Wilbur says, never once taking his eyes off her.

~~~

He likes chamomile, though. It's a good tea. It makes him feel sort of like a marshmallow is burning inside him, or like a tiny little campfire; like the big fireplace Techno has, but smaller. A small fire.

#aaaaaah number 9 and 10 are from the fics I wrote the evening/day after I found out about Techno’s death 😭#it was… very much a way for me to cope. I never ended up finishing the fics and I don’t think I ever will but like. they’re special #very very special #I hardly remember a lot of these lol #like that first-person one?? huh???#NUMBER 21 MY WILBUR & GHOSTBUR BOTH LIVE AU #38 is already posted but whatever aldgoagsis #this was fun thank you :D #ask #story snippet #ask game answers

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5sosfanfictioncatalogue · 11 months

Text

AU - Tutoring Masterlist

a little extra credit never hurt anybody (ao3) - haveufoundwhaturlookingfor michael/ashton T, 4k

Summary: Michael and Ashton used to be best friends when they were younger, unfortunately Michael ditches Ashton for popularity when they get older. Things change when Ashton gets offered extra credit to tutor a failing student. That student so happens to be Michael Clifford.

Coffee & Mixtapes (ao3) - antisocialhood luke/calum N/R, 7k (WIP)

Summary: Luke didn't realise what he was getting himself into when he told Calum he would tutor him.

First there was coffee.

Then there were mixtapes.

And suddenly, there were friends with benefits.

Frozen Cores and Cake Pops (ao3) - 1loulu5 T, 1k

Summary: "The question your teacher assigned you is What if the Earth’s core cooled, right?”

Or, Luke's new tutor helps him with his science homework.

good girls (ao3) - no_clue_who michael/calum, michael/luke/calum E, 8k

Summary: Calum is failing her classes, Michael is her girlfriend and they wanna fuck Luke.

lowercases and capitals (ao3) - galacticsugar luke/calum T, 10k

Summary: “Fuck, Luke, two minutes ago you were whining about Ashton not flirting with you enough, and now you’re making eyes at the barista.” Michael laughs a little as he says it, shaking his head in that special way he has that means he’s surprised at how unsurprised he is by Luke. It’s the same way he shakes his head when he catches Luke dumping powdered sugar on orange slices, or settling in to watch 10 Things I Hate About You for the hundredth time.

“I can find two different guys desirable at the same time,” Luke replies defensively. What’s the point of college, anyway, if you can’t enjoy the fact that you can bump into a different hot guy around every corner?

lu and mike (tt) (ao3) - coolbabyblue michael/luke, calum/ofc T, 426k

Summary: The story in which Luke is an overly aggressive teen who just can't seem to catch a break in life and Michael just wants to show him that he deserves the world and more.

remember when... (ao3) - cliffakitten luke/ashton M, 3k

Summary: “Everyone, this is our new student assistant, Ashton Irwin.” Luke is sure that he will always remember that moment. The moment when his tutor introduced the guy with the mess of curly hair, big hazel eyes behind the cutest glasses to exist and the brightest, most gorgeous smile Luke had ever seen. The moment when he realised this actual god was the student assistant his tutor was talking about. The moment he realised he was completely and utterly fucked. ~ Or, an excuse for me to write uni-student!luke giving tutor!ash a blow job under a desk when other people are in the room.

Tutor (ao3) - onceuponatime michael/luke E, 11k

Summary: “And you agreed to do it because?” Ashton says, rubbing his apple on his sweater before taking a bite. His chemistry textbook lies open on the grass in front of him but his eyes are too busy looking over to the football field, where Calum is currently engrossed in a game. When he sees Ashton looking, he smiles and waves, and Ashton’s face turns bright red. Luke chuckles. “Cause I need the money. And it looks good on college applications.” Luke lays down on the grass, putting his head in Ashton’s lap. “Yeah, but it’s him. He’s failed every test this year.” Luke tutors Michael in math.

What I Go to School For (ao3) - mukeclemmings luke/ashton, minor luke/calum, minor michael/calum M, 17k

Summary: So, maybe Luke likes to get drunk and bang chicks. He's a college boy. And, maybe he likes to occasionally get with another guy. But never, never, has Luke been into a boy in high school. Not even when he was in high school (or so he says).

(Ashton is an innocent 16-year-old high school student who needs a little more of Luke's adult expertise than just help on his English paper.)

you're living, you're learning (ao3) - bellawritess luke/ashton G, 770

Summary: Ashton is the worst student Luke’s ever had, hands down. Luke’s tutored thirteen-year-olds more well-behaved than Ashton, and Ashton is eighteen. There’s absolutely no reason he should be this stubborn and annoying about doing his classwork, not to mention homework.

#5sosfanfictioncatalogue #5sos fanfic #au #school #tutor #tutor masterlist #masterlists

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flvvrpetals · 1 year

Text

╰ ┈ [ madeleine madden , 24 , female , she/they ] in the time of dragons , violet drumm is entering the game of thrones . said to be practical + devoted , we can only hope that is the case as regrettably they are also well known to be reserved + inflexible. when asked about them , people are always reminded of the haunting crash of waves on the shore, bleeding hands leaving behind dark stains, banging desperately on a door to be let in. though they are the lady of old wyk , their true loyalties lie with house drumm and rumour has it that if given the choice they would support independence of the seven kingdoms / their family above all else .

𝐁𝐚𝐬𝐢𝐜𝐬

FULL NAME: violet drumm. TITLES: lady of old wyk. AGE: twenty four. GENDER: woman, she/they. ORIENTATION: bisexual. RELIGION: the drowned god. SPOKEN LANGUAGES: common tongue. STATUS: unmarried & unbetrothed. LOYALTY: house drumm, house harlaw, & the iron islands & iron fleet.

𝐅𝐚𝐦𝐢𝐥𝐲 𝐓𝐢𝐞𝐬

PARENTS: ruling lord drumm ( utp ) , ruling lady alannys drumm nee harlaw. ( deceased ). SIBLINGS: lord victarion drumm ( 32 ). CHILDREN: none. OTHERS: harlaws are their cousins.

𝐇𝐢𝐬𝐭𝐨𝐫𝐲

- was adopted as a baby by her parents, her mother would gently tease that the drowned god had gifted her a daughter who’s cries could nearly drown out the waves.

- as soon as she could walk, she began chasing after her brother. little legs struggling to keep up with the older boy, tugging on his leg to make him hold her. if she could have been hos shadow she would have.

- despite being an ironborn, violet longed to be a kingsguard one day. having played knights with euron till they got called home by their siblings, thrusting imaginary swords at each other until one would trip and fall into the sea.

- her mother broke her heart at the age of ten, telling her that there was no place for violet to be a knight in this world.

- she began sailing when she was seven, like all ironborn children do, and her first voyage was with her brother & cousin rory. she nearly fell off the ship a dozen times, scrambling to climb the rigging when one of their backs was turned. she fell in love with the endless horizon she could see from the crow’s nest.

- regularly began sailing after that, trailing after whichever cousin she spotted first. despite learning to sail, violet was kept from most of the actual fighting they did. it wasn’t till she was thirteen, stuck in the midst of a battle on board, her eyes saw the sword coming for Rory’s back before her cousin did. violet didn’t hesitate to use the blade she had been gifted years before to stab the man before he could harm her family.

- violet began seeking out lani after this, finding comradeship & mentorship in the other. they agreed to teach violet how to truly fight, not the fancy way of knights, but the dirty kind where she would always walk a victor.

- while she grew up alongside all her cousins, due to their ages, euron became her best friend. he was her closest confidant after victarion, even telling euron secrets she never told her brother. they would fight together, sail together, run amuck on the islands together. when he left for the capital to join the kings guard, violet sobbed as soon as his ship left. usually quiet girl filled with a rage that he could go somewhere she could not follow. for months afterwards, violet remained withdraw, focusing only on her duties till he finally wrote her.

𝐇𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐜𝐚𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐬

- is very reserved and quiet, at times perhaps eerily so to those who do not know them. resistant to change of any shape, her routine is hers and she wishes to guard it fiercely.

- was frustrated that rory left the islands and fleet to marry a man, especially a storm lander. is skeptical of dyanas betrothal as well.

- remains devoted to her family to a fault, if something were to happen to victarion, they would not hesitate to rain hellfire on whoever was behind it.

- violet more like violent amirite

- has a tendency to risk herself for what she perceives is the best outcome, whether it be diving into a fight or launching herself into the rigging during a storm.

- has an unshakable faith that her brother will always save her if it is not yet her time.

**open to any & all connections, she’s been all over most of the ports**

#thrones.intro #format is bad because mobile #violet drumm && intro #tw violence mention

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harley-style · 2 years

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Reading the Homestuck Epilogues 3 (parts 21-30)

Hey guys I'm back on my bullshit! Here's hoping it goes well lol but we all know that's just a pipe dream.

Anyway, here's the previous part!!

Now onto the chaos!

A coffin is still fukcing heavy and you're telling me Jake and John ALONE can carry the fucking thing? omg.

I feel like Roxy is not treating this funeral the rightul respect and somberness it deserves, but is it just me or...?

Aradia and Sollux! and they really don't give a shit about most things dont they. Aradia only came here for the corpse party and honestly, slay

I get heart palpitations when Dave calls Jade babe. also poor karkat he's at the back. noooo

Wait. Is teen dead jade from fucking MEAT??? or is she the one from. uh. the caliborn narrative takeover thing. listen its been a while since i read the later homestuck ok i barely remember what happened in act 6

LOL YES AWKWARD ROSE RIGHTS

Jane. Jane you fucking moron.

Karkat literally do not rise to the bait I am begging

"sometimes i wonder what it'd be like if he was still here" FAMOUS LAST WORDS

SO IT IS MEAT JADE

MOTHERFUCK

please god just let john and terezi be together their dynamic is SO GOOD

oh they're 26 now awesome

OH NO JANE WHAT THE FUCK

okay i know it's bad to blame everything on jane but I HAVE A FEELING SHE'S INVOLVED

WHAT OKAY WHAT THE FUCK

POPULATION CONTROL IS ONE THING BUT WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS BULLSHIT ABOUT NOT ALLOWING TROLLS TO ADVANCE POSITIONS THAT"S BULLSHIT

oh? OH???? RESISTANCE POG????

okay fuck everyone else rebellion leader karkat is my bitch now

why is eridan fuschia is this a typeset error

john you're a moron (affectionate)

:((( what happened to "not taking your shit" roxy :((((

Save Tavros From Evil

yknow what i hate about candy davejade rn is that they keep everything buried and pretend everything's fine. like jade baby at least push dave or pester rose about what's wrong with dave like....?? idk! but not this!!!

okay. what the actual shit jane. yknow what? you're a bitch! you're a full on bitch and i hope you get what's coming to you. what the FUCK am i hearing from you? that is NOT how you treat your friends/datemates!

fuck you guys im reading a bunch of aus to cope wit this mess of an epilogue

okay i love and support whatever john's trying to do but this plan is. not the best.

I just skipped over an entire conversation because i cannot deal with that rn. someone tell me what happened during the time john tries convincing tavros to leave the crocker household

WOW OMINOUS

johnrezi/junerezi rights :((((

:(((((((((((((((((((((((((((((((

KARKAT!!!!!!!!!!

Huh. That's a less brutal capital punishment than I was expecting. Still horrifying! but I expected more blood. which was kinda dumb of me lol.

REMEMBER WHEN KARKAT USED OT BE SO EMBARRASSED BY BUCKETS??? MY BOY HAS GROWN

Kanaya Is Right Karkat Call Dave That Bitch Is Dumb Enough To Run To Your Side The Instant You Ask For Him

But Bat Your Pretty Eye For Extra Simping

MEENAH

let's kick it karkat lets goooo

NO THE FISH PUNS ARE COOL

That is a whole ass page of words sir

John :(

"epilogue six" what the fuck does this mean

these kids are thirteen w h a t

ARE KARKAT AND MEENAH TOGETHER????

okay aradia has a point its extremely ironic for karkat to reach the peak of his heroism in a world that objectively *does not fucking matter* and the "meaty" timeline where everything "DOES" matter is where he's... well, we all know.

oh no,,,,the davejade wedding,,,,this hurts.

THIS HURTS DAVE IS STILL LOOKING FOR KARKAT

okay everyone seems to be like, convinced meenah and karkat are a thing but are they REALLY? karkat hasn't come out and said anything specifically.

HE RIPPED HER PHOTO NOOOOOO

lock industry?????

Vriska's back everybody say hello

"is it the prince" IM SORRY WHAT

when WHO falls???

jake what the fuck happened to you. oh my god you don't deserve this. leave her. leave jane's stank ass.

ah. i remember karkat talking about how he wasn't to blame for mr. crocker dying, in hs2. guys id apologize for spoiling myself like this but i think you'd understand: this post-canon thing is pain. everything hurts. if i want spoilers im getting spoilers.

GUYS. NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED IF YOU DIDNT BUTT YOUR STUPID GODLY SELVES INTO THE MIX. THE FUCK ARE YOU BLAMING THE TROLLS FOR. JANE.

oh boy.

WELP THAT'S PART THREE FOLKS. WOW I HAVE SO MANY FEELINGS I WISH TO UNFEEL. THE BLOOD OF MY DREAMS HAVE BEEN SACRIFICED TO THE GODS OF PARADOX SPACE AND NEVER AGAIN SHALL I SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY.

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angelboybreakdowns · 1 year

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you know when someone is just acting So Thirteen when theyre 13? like all 13 year olds act 13 but some just act 13 with a capital T idk

#(that one 13 year old follower reblogging a bunch of my posts this is not about you! )

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sunnyville36 · 2 years

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thank you for the tag @snow-pegasus !!

name: Ray

sign: Sagittarius/Capricorn line

height: 5'5

time: 10:35pm

birthday: December 21

favorite artist/band: BTS, Stray Kids, Ateez, Twenty One Pilots, Post Malone, Khalid, Ed Sheeran, Radical Face, Capital Cities, Harry Styles, Liana Flores, Billie Eilish, Hozier, Jesse Cook, Dua Lipa, Boney James

last movie: Thirteen Lives

last show: Never Have I Ever s3

when I created this blog: a little over a year ago!

what I post: my writing, lots of gifs and memes

other blogs: @sunnyreccs my fic reblog/recommendation blog

do I get asks: a few, but I wish I got more

average hours of sleep: 6 hours

what I'm wearing: jeans and a t-shirt

dream job: linguistic researcher, actor, writer

dream trip: spending a month in Edinburgh for the Fringe Festival

favorite songs: too many to count, but currently BTBT by B.I

tagging (no pressure!): @harry-on-broadway @the7thcrow @theonewiththebraids @keeningthoughts @lilac-wrists @sparkystraynger @my-favorite-bangchan @cb97percent

#tag game

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bisexualamy · 2 years

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i also obviously have a lot of capital t Thoughts about yaz and thirteen but i simply have to get all of my yelling about paul mcgann and the master out of my system in order to function well enough to string words together coherently

#ren speaks

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queenie-the-writer · 2 years

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genevieve laellynar — main character intro (adosat)

name: genevieve laellynar (nicknames: genie, vi (by alistar which annoys her to no end))

role: protagonist + pov in adosat

age: 20 (birthday: november 9th)

pronouns: she/her

species: Fae

nationality: kingdom of allaernnal

gender identity: female

sexuality: bisexual, demiromantic

skills: all manner of combat, magic, deception, being dramatic, accomplishing an ungodly amount of things in high heels

appearance

long chestnut hair, dark blue eyes, deep golden skin, freckled face, pointed Fae ears, decorative ear piercings, full lips, 5”7, healthy and fit, long torso, left eyebrow piercing, enchanted plain silver ring on right middle finger that cannot be removed, tattooed letter R beneath right ear, and twin daggers on the outside of forearms

general

occupation: assassin, Queensbury Guild

likes: weapons, partying, sunshine, success, high heels, black, dragons, sweets, red wine, a challenge

dislikes: silence, open water, failure, Fae, yellow, literally anything Alistar does, being talked down to

religious beliefs: faith in immortal goddesses, hannelore and krayja

moral compass: morally grey

social type: ambivert

zodiac sign: scorpio

mbti: istj-t

enneagram: 8

relationships

close friends: elowen gessele, faro eswaran

other friends: ellis vxan, klaus lajald

rival: alistar feyrer

romantic interest: nice try guys

parents: N/A unless you count toren as a shitty father

siblings: N/A

backstory

Genevieve was born in the Immortal Kingdom of Allaernnal, but after a traumatic accident, her Fae parents abandon her at seven years old in the streets of the mortal capital of Beahia to die. instead, she is collected by Toren Rhanval—the Head of the Queensbury Guild Assassins—and fostered in the Guild.

she spends the next thirteen years training and honing her Fae abilities into a lethal weapon, taught to kill a man swiftly and painlessly or leisurely and tortuously.

her Fae magic grew as she did, and Genevieve forced herself to get a handle on her impressive powers without any help from her kind.

she became the youngest graduate from her training the Guild had ever seen, highly regarded to deal with the Mortal Queen’s more difficult opposers.

quotes

— “While your concern flatters me, I will go wherever I please and do whatever I please, thank you very much.”

— “Since when have I ever listened to you?”

— “What say you, o fearless one? Up for a challenge?”

— “Unless you die on the way there. In which case I won’t be sad to see you go.”

— “I’m not your dear anything.”

— “Devil to some. Angel to others.”

— “I’m not human, therefore I do not require sleep.”

— “Well, we all want things we can’t have.”

— “Don’t call me that.”