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rrxnjun · 9 months

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where do broken hearts go? [lmk]

you know what they say about past lovers that can remain just as friends - either they're still in love with each other, or they never were in the first place.

pairing: mark lee x fem! reader

genre: exes to lovers. angst, fluff.

wc: 12k (11.926)

warnings: mention of sex, weed and alcohol, heartbreak, swearing, park jihoon of treasure is one sassy bitch and also accidentally somehow the main character of this fanfic plz dont @ me, inconsistent writing style bc i took 3 months and 3 depressive episodes to finish this fic

playlist: where do broken hearts go - one direction / too good to say goodbye - bruno mars / everytime - ariana grande / closer - waterparks / tornado warnings - sabrina carpenter / survive the night - the boyz

a/n: hey do some of you still remember me..... AHAHA tell a friend to tell a friend rrxnjun is BACK! this fic isn't the ideal vision i had in my mind but we are working on not being so hard on ourselves with our writing so! here we are. i still kind of like it :,)

When you walk up to your best friend’s apartment one day with a tub of ice cream under your arm and the biggest pout on your face, Park Jihoon makes a complete list of things you should do to get over your failed relationship with Mark Lee. And while you think your dear friend has some psychopathic tendencies sometimes, you’d say the list is actually pretty reasonable of him.

There’s something about the five simple steps that makes you wonder if it’s really as easy as Jihoon makes it sound. And while you doubt it– because the pinging pain in your heart makes it seem like the heartbreak is truly going to kill you in a few minutes if you don’t do something about it– you give it a try, because come on… you’d do anything to not feel like this ever again.

Step one – cry it out.

“He was a cunt anyway,” Jihoon mutters as he steps into the living room with two spoons in his hands, throwing one of them to you– while almost managing to hit you in the middle of your forehead in the process, adding a concussion to the mix of problems you have going on right now– and you find yourself furrowing your brows at his hateful comment.

“Why’d you say that?”

“Well, as your best friend, I’m supposed to be on your side, no?” he says as he takes a seat on the sofa next to you, watching as you wrap one of the thick blankets you got for the male around your figure– you bought it mainly for yourself, because his apartment is cold as a freezer and you knew he wouldn’t buy one for you to use in the first place– and shrugs. “Besides, he broke your heart, and any male who does that is a cunt in my eyes.”

“I broke up with him,” you mourn, “so I broke my own heart,” you snicker, despair fully filling you up from the inside– fitting everywhere into your lungs and choking you up from how bad you truly feel. Now, this isn’t your first breakup– you’ve had your fair share of boyfriends in high school (in your baddie era, as Jihoon called it), but Choi Yeonjun from Maths class and Jung Woonyoung, the guy you dated for a total of 2 months over the summer break before he moved away, weren’t exactly boys you found yourself falling in love with. Sure, you liked them, you kissed them and went on dates with them– hell, you even hooked up with Yeonjun once before you realized the relationship truly wasn’t for you– but no one managed to cave into your heart just as much as Mark Lee, your first college boyfriend did.

“But you sure had a reason for it, come on!” Jihoon huffs, taking the tub of ice cream from your hands and opening it for you, since you’ve gotten quite weak from the lack of sleep and nutritions ever since the break up, hands clammy and not cooperating. “You don’t just break up with someone to break your own heart. He did that, that’s why you said goodbye to him,” he says before sitting the enormous tub of ice cream between your two bodies, nudging you to dig into the frozen delicacy.

“Yeah, but–”

“No buts, young lady. We are here to make you forget you ever even dated Mark Lee, so open up, eat the ice cream and focus your attention on Titanic so you can finally cry it out,” he says, and by the tone of his voice, you’d think he’s angry with you. Jihoon has this aura around him that makes you think he’s always at least a little annoyed at everything– but he told you to not mind it and that it’s just his sassy bitch attitude.

He does have a point, though. You broke up with Mark because he broke your heart first– there was no other reason for it. If it was something minor, something small, you were sure you could work on it. You have, numerous of times before, brought up something and had a mature conversation about it– something you always so admired about Mark, being so cautious and understanding when navigating problems in the relationship– but when you bring up the same thing over and over, and it never gets fixed despite him telling you he’ll try harder next time, you think you’re allowed to feel a little heartbroken at his nonexistent efforts. And that’s exactly why you decided to quit the relationship– after a while, you felt like you were putting in more effort than he was, effectively making you feel like he’s not even that interested in dating you in the first place.

First, he just told you he was forgetful. He forgot he promised to pick you up from class one day– and you said that it’s okay, he is busy, after all– and it was the first time it happened, so you didn’t really mind that much, truly. Then, he forgot about the date you scheduled– but it was fine, because you didn’t have reservations anyway, you could change the day to any other day of the week, after all. He kept forgetting the stuff you told him in between the conversations you shared– and it was small things, you understand, but sometimes, you wondered if he was ever really listening to you at all.

Forgetful soon turns not interested in your eyes, and when he doesn’t call you in the evening like he promised he would, when he doesn’t show up to the party you invited him to, because he forgot it was that day, you’re one step closer to calling it quits, because each and every one of these situations sends a sharp pain into your stomach. The last straw was just last week, though– and realistically, it was an important day, as much that you thought the day is somehow gonna fix everything, but the truth is somewhere completely else as Mark Lee forgets about your one year anniversary and never shows up at your doorstep for the dinner you prepared for the two of you like he promised he would.

And it doesn’t click in him two days after either– you don’t even get a text. He got so forgetful over time that he forgot about you completely, and that’s when you took an uber to his place and broke up with him for good.

And even though the breakup was the most painful thing you’ve ever felt yourself go through, Jihoon is right– you’re not the one that broke your own heart. Mark Lee did that for you many times before, and this was just the breaking point.

“Fucking hell, you bought cookies and cream again?” Jihoon huffs when he takes another spoonful of the ice cream into his mouth, eyebrows furrowing at the sweet taste. Looking at him from the corner of your eye, you wipe your left cheek as you hum, immune to his nagging by now.

“You know I hate cookies and cream!”

“You know, Hoon, I bought this for myself. When you’re the one that’s heartbroken, we’ll share your favorite ice cream flavor instead,” you mumble, munching on the coldness on your tongue, sniffling a little when your eyes avert to the TV screen.

And after that, the teasing from your best friend’s side stops. Maybe it’s just because he hates to see you cry– and he rarely gets the chance, if you’re being honest, since you’re pretty good at handling your emotions– but you secretly know that it’s because when he looks back at the TV screen in front of the two of you, the sad part of the movie hasn’t even started yet and the tears are not the result of the movie, but of your own thoughts instead.

Step two – give him back all of his stuff and the stuff he’s given you that reminds you of him. Demand that he does the same.

Now, step two was a thing most couples do when they break up. Realistically, it makes sense– you wouldn’t want stuff that’s not yours just laying around, and also, it’s just bound to remind you of the person you lost. Naturally, you’d want to return it.

“Why does he have to return my things as well?” you mutter under your breath as Jihoon helps you fold all Mark’s hoodies into a cardboard box, alongside with wrapping the little things your ex boyfriend made out of ceramic for you in tissue paper like you asked him to– even though he complained and said that it shouldn’t matter to you if they break, because you are the heartbroken one– but you held those little things too close to your heart to let them get damaged in the first place.

“Because that’s how it works,” Jihoon hums, watching as you throw another one of Mark’s shirts onto the top of his head, shielding his vision. “What, you don’t want your stuff back?”

“I mean…” you mumble, deeply considering of the fact that the thought of getting your stuff back didn’t even cross your mind until now, before you realize your favorite pair of socks is thrown somewhere in Mark’s drawers– the blue ones with peaches on them– and you suddenly have the revelation that while you don’t necessarily need the stuff back, you’d love to wear those socks again. “I guess…” you note as you walk over to Jihoon and take a glance into the full cardboard box, looking over the stuff and chewing on the inside of your cheek.

“It’s like witchcraft, y’know,” Jihoon points out, looking at you with fierce eyes mirroring the stupid idea that just flashed through his brain, “if you don’t exchange the things, a piece of you is still kept at his apartment and you won’t be able to move on.”

And again, Park Jihoon does have psychopathic tendencies, but he may be onto something here. So you listen to him as you nod along and close the cardboard box, ready to drive over to Mark Lee’s apartment and drop off the things you’ve collected from him for the past year. The box includes all of the clothes messily scattered across your drawers and your closet, the picture frame of you two together that you always had on your night stand, the ceramic bowls and a little tiger sculpture he made for you when he took a pottery class with his friend Renjun, and the lost guitar pics you found under your bed and at the very top of your bookshelf from when he used to bring his guitar along and play you songs on rainy afternoons. The only things of Mark’s that you kept were the love letter he gave you for your birthday and the USB with his cover of Justin Bieber’s Off my face on it that he shyly gifted to you on one of your dates; but you would never tell Jihoon that in fear of him getting rid of those most precious memories for you.

It’s good to let go, but you don’t think you’re wrong for wanting to keep something to remind you of the good times. The times you still felt loved by Mark.

“Off we go,” you say, standing up and bringing the box towards your front door, your best friend at your feet. He promised to drive you to Mark’s place– you think he’s worried about you meeting your ex-boyfriend face to face for the first time since the break up, but he said it’s because you’re too broke to Uber all the time, efficiently throwing all the considerate thoughts you were accrediting him out the window– and after a few minutes of the drive, you find yourself standing on the doorstep of Mark Lee's apartment.

Taking a deep breath in and out, almost chickening out with the flood of thoughts and excuses you could say to Jihoon when you come back to his car with the box still in your hands– sayings like “he wasn’t home” or “he didn’t want those back”, the latter stupider than the first– you decide to face your problems head-on and finally knock on the mahogany door, waiting for Mark to answer. And he does– of course he does, because he’s always home, and as his ex-girlfriend of one year, you're painfully aware of the fact– but when that happens, you feel your heart falling all the way down to your stomach, crushing you and suddenly making it hard for you to breathe.

“Um… hi,” he greets you, voice a little groggy, as if he hasn’t spoken in a while– and when you meet his eyes, the deep chocolate orbs you always found yourself admiring and writing silent odes to in your head, you quickly glance away in fear of staring into them for too long and making decisions you wouldn’t like to make.

“Hi,” you awkwardly greet back, clearing your throat and moving a little in your place, shifting the weight from one foot to the other. You're surprised you're able to keep up with the conversation, thoughts running in your brain faster than you can comprehend them, heartbeat ringing in your ears from the unexpected anxiety. Maybe Jihoon was right and you should've taken a shot before coming here– at least you'd have more courage and social skills clearly needed for this kind of interaction. “I… brought you back your things,” you say, finally looking up at the male and chewing on your lips, letting out an awkward, tense laugh when he stares at you with an empty look, “figured you’d want them back,” you add, watching as the male opens his mouth and closes it in what seems to be shock before he presses his lips tightly together and nods at you.

“Uh, yeah,” he says, scratching the back of his neck awkwardly as he watches you clumsily hold up the cardboard box to him, ready to leave his stuff there with him and escape as fast as you can, not really minding how you'll get back to Jihoon's car– if jumping down the window of the entrance hall is the fastest option, you're ready to get to it. The truth is, everything is starting to get a little too hard to bear– his familiar scent filling your nose, the hoodie he wore to your first date enveloping his figure, his messy hair reminding you of the many times you brushed your fingers through it in attempts to smooth it down. It’s only been two weeks since you last saw him, but it was starting to feel as if you forgot about him already and were now relearning all the things you once fell in love with again, looking at him in the same light, yet noticing him and all the small details a little bit differently. “Thanks, I… I actually, uh… I have your stuff here too, so if you want it back I’ll– I can just–”

“Y-yeah,” you nod, almost a little too eagerly, “that would be… cool,” you say, trying hard to ignore the fact that he had your stuff packed too, intending to give it to you, and the crashing reality that comes with it, telling you he was prepared to do this before you were and how it’s making you feel kind of shitty.

Mark moves further into the apartment, the sound of him dropping the box to the floor filling your ears before he’s back at the door in no time, a similar cardboard box in his hands that he offers to you with a tense smile on his face. “Wanted to bring it around so I had an excuse to see you, but you, uh… beat me to it, I guess…”

Looking at him as you take the box out of his hands, gaze as if to tell him not to say such words to you when you’re still so fragile to his effect, you only nod and mutter out a simple “Thanks,” before you turn on your heel and intend to take the stairs back down.

“I’ll… see you around, then?” Mark calls after you as you take the first step out– something about it making you feel like it’s the first step out of his life, in a way– and you only nod, because one, you truly don’t know how else to reply to this question, and two, you really, really don’t know if you’ll ever see him again, but you can't bring yourself to say it to his face. Somehow, it would feel like torture to admit it– and you're not prepared for that reality just yet.

Rushing outside and getting into Jihoon's car, you almost feel like you’re on the verge of breaking, and when the male asks you how it went as he’s reversing out of the parking lot, you only bid him a one-word reply before you look through the box on your way home, too impatient to stay back from the memories.

And Jihoon didn’t really think this one through, because the fact that you gave Mark back the things that reminded you of him meant that he did the same, and now all the things you brought along to Mark’s apartment were in the cardboard box, all stained with countless memories and feelings attached to each and every single thing. The artwork you made for him, the little heart-shaped keychain you gave him for his birthday, the plant you gave him that was now long dead and dried out– those were once your stuff, but all in this world with the intention of love being sent out through them to your now ex-lover, and the fact that they’re in your possession again instead of his is not making letting go of Mark any easier.

And maybe Mark was right and he truly was forgetful, because as you rummage through the contains of the box, while you find out your favorite blue socks are nowhere to be seen, surely still buried somewhere in the drawers of his closet, obliterated out of his memory, there’s a gray hoodie sitting at the bottom and it’s surely not yours– it’s his and it was always your favorite, and you always used to wear it at his place when you got cold or when you just really wanted to smell his cologne, and you suddenly don't know if it's presence in the box slipped his mind or if he truly left it there on purpose.

Couldn’t he forget about that too?

Step three – block his number.

The third step comes into place after you accidentally slip out to Jihoon about the phone call you get on a Friday night– more like two hours into Saturday already– and now, most of all, you must admit that your best friend might be right about his advice.

Your phone starts ringing at 2:11 AM, and while you weren’t sleeping– you’ve been having some trouble with dozing off without being overbeared with thoughts lately– the name flashing on your screen shocks you for more reasons than one.

Mark Lee calls you, three weeks after your breakup, in the middle of the night. You haven’t spoken since the time he gave you back your stuff, and even though you’ve done quite a bit of stalking on his social media, you have no news of him or his whereabouts. Naturally, a call from him in the middle of the night startles you and shakes you to the core. He has no reason to call you, so your brain does the math and concludes there must be an emergency– and god knows that even after being hurt by him, you could never ignore him and leave him hanging in a state of need.

So you pick up– with shaky hands and a raging heartbeat, expecting the worst. Listening to the other side of the line, you take a deep breath in and out, bracing yourself for the impact of the words you’re going to hear. The voice on the other side is laced with haziness and his tone is almost a little tired– worn out, even– when he finally greets you from wherever he is.

“Hi,” Mark says, and for a second, your heartbeat steadies itself and the world stops spinning– he sounds okay, and for a moment, you’re grateful to hear his voice.

Humming, as if to collect your thoughts, you clear your throat before you offer him an answer. “Hello,” you greet, “what’s- what’s up?”

“Just wanted to hear your voice,” he says, almost a little abruptly to your question. He doesn't overthink his answer and he doesn't give himself time to think if it's a good idea or not– he just blurts it out and now it's your problem to deal with, when it's there, out in the open. Your palms get sweaty and you start to lose feeling in your fingertips, making you take a few seconds to yourself to process the situation before you decide to finally answer to the strange sentence.

“It’s late, Mark,” you mumble, and you involuntarily wonder if the sentence doesn’t have double meaning– it's too late for anyone to call at this hour, and at the same time, it’s been weeks since your ex boyfriend lost the privilege of listening to your voice when he can’t sleep in the middle of the night whenever he feels like it– and it’s now too late to do anything about it or make it any easier to deal with.

“Shit, sorry,” he chuckles to himself, and you suddenly recognise the laziness in his voice to be the effect of his and his best friend Hyuck’s Friday endeavors; the sweet coating of his voice being the effect of none other than the momentary bliss that comes with the relaxation of his body and mind when he's high. “Didn’t realize,” he concludes, making you shake your head at him in disbelief– not really mattering that he can’t see you in the act.

“‘s okay,” you mumble– and in your perfect reality, you hang up the phone now. In your perfect reality, you connect it to your charger and close your eyes, calling it a night. You fall asleep with no thoughts rummaging through your brain and wake up in the morning to a new sunny day, ready to take on the responsibilities of what’s to come, having productive days ended with smiles and a hot dinner you make for yourself just because you feel like it. In your perfect reality, you protect your own heart. This is not your perfect reality, though– and that’s why you stay on the line, listening to Mark ramble on the other side of the phone, intoxicated and slightly out of it. You wonder if he’ll remember calling you when he wakes up tomorrow. You wonder if he’ll regret it, or if he’ll just shrug his shoulders at the fact and go on with his day, not really paying you much thought when he’s sober.

“I was with Hyuck just now,” he says, and you hear the rustling of his sheets on the other side of the line, making you wonder if he’s washed up and ready for bed, “and– and I remembered how we all used to hang out together, y’know… you with us all– you always clicked with my friends and it was so cool and stuff… and I realized, right, they’re not as funny when you’re not around… but anyways… Jeno’s girlfriend asked about you, ‘cause she didn’t know…and telling her felt so silly, ‘cause they all kept looking at me and I knew they were pitying me, but it was my fault in the first place–”

“Mark–”

“No, it’s true. And it’s cool, I don’t– I don’t blame you, or anything. I just… I dunno, I guess it got me wondering…”

The line goes silent on the other side, and you settle into your own bed, giving him time to continue. When he doesn’t say anything for a long time, you wonder if he’s fallen asleep.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“You still there?”

“Yeah. How was your day?” he asks, tone of voice casual as ever, as if he’s forgotten about all the words he’s told you up until now– as if it’s not 2 AM and both of your hearts aren’t breaking at the sound of each other’s voice on the other side of the line.

“It… it was okay, I guess,” you say nonetheless, too hopeless to find a way to end the conversation before he does.

“That’s good to hear,” he says, sighing, “that’s… awesome. You still taking those yoga classes on Mondays?” he asks, and you snicker to yourself– because what kind of question even is that? Who asks that on a late night call, when there are more important things you two need to talk about?

“Yeah,” you lie, still. You haven’t been since the breakup.

“That’s great. Wouldn’t want you to… y’know,” he laughs to himself, “be too sad over this… ‘t was for the better, after all.”

You hear yourself hum– the noise way more stable than your actual words ever could be– and you find yourself feeling silly in the conversation, lying to your ex boyfriend through your teeth; because at the end of the day, you don’t want him to worry about you– because it seems to be the case that he is. And it’s stupid, because he hurt you and you shouldn’t care, maybe you should’ve even show him that you’re heartbroken and that he is the reason behind your pain and the way your life is falling apart, bit by bit, but you don’t find it in you to be so cold and heartless. At the end of the day, you still care about Mark and there’s nothing you could do about it. Turns out that breaking up with him doesn’t magically make the feelings go away– and you knew that, but now you have proof.

“What were you saying before, by the way? You… trailed off at the end,” you say, reminding him of his previous words.

“Oh, that,” he snickers into the microphone again, a heavy sigh escaping his lips as he twists and turns in the sheets, “don’t worry about it. It was selfish of me.”

It was selfish of him to call in the first place. But you won’t tell him that.

“What was it?”

“It’s just… I was wondering if I lost you forever, y’know… if there was a chance we could ever…” he trails off again, but this time, you don’t bug him to complete it. You’re not stupid– you know the implication of his words. You’ve known him for a long time, after all– maybe you should’ve predicted this when you picked up the call.

“I mean…” you hum, “you didn’t lose me completely, if that’s– if that’s what’s keeping you up at night. We’re still friends, aren’t we?” you say, and in the corner of your brain, you can’t even believe the words yourself– but if it was selfish of him to call, you think it’s okay for you to selfishly fill both of you with empty promises, just for the sake of not breaking your heart even further.

“Yeah,” he mumbles, “that’s– …I’m glad.”

The line’s silent after that, and you wonder if you two have used up the list of words to say to each other this time, if there’s truly no other answer at the end of this conversation. When the situation gets too much for you to bear, the heaviness finally settling on your shoulders and your chest, you finally find the courage to sniffle out a quiet goodbye.

“Good night, Mark.”

“G’night,” he drags out, mind still cloudy. “Love you,” spills out from his tongue, like a bad habit.

He ends the call before you get to say it back. Maybe that’s for the better.

And the truth is, you should’ve really listened to Park Jihoon and blocked Mark’s number after this encounter. But you didn’t– you’re too weak for Mark’s sweet words, finding yourself still hanging on to his saccharine voice and the muffled ramble he has reserved for you only every time he gets high and loses all self-control before calling you on Friday nights selfishly demanding your attention, somehow falling for him like a teenager over and over again despite promising yourself you're gonna move on for real now.

Step four – date someone new.

“So…” Jihoon starts one day, eyes glued to your skull like laser beams, the tone of his voice so incomprehensible you think he’s going to scold you for the actions of your previous days– even though you haven't told him about the midnight calls with Mark and so if he's not going through your phone, he has no way of knowing. Tense and nervous, still, knowing that the impact of his words could either heal you or cut you open like a knife– damn him for always being so brutally honest, no matter how soft his heart is for you– you smile at him with tight lips, crossing your arms on your chest in defense.

“So…?”

A nervous laugh almost escapes your throat. If Jihoon wasn’t suspicious of you before, he surely is now– or he just finds you strange by the way he furrows his brows at you and scans you up and down, taking a second for himself before he sighs and seemingly decides to drop the weird way you’re acting right now, shaking his head and focusing on the task at hand.

“I was thinking… my friend asked about you,” he says, nonchalantly looking down onto his hands and taking the dirt out from behind his nails, as if it’s not a big deal and he doesn’t even care that much. “Choi Hyunsuk from Biology, you know him– shabby haircut, kinda short, failed the class so he has to retake it this year…?”

“I think you’re forgetting the fact that the two of us have completely different majors, Hoonie,” you sweetly smile at him with irony, making him roll his eyes with a sigh before he tries again.

“The guy who ripped his pants at Xiao Dejun’s party last year?”

“Oh, that one! You should’ve said that earlier, of course I remember Choi Hyunsuk from your Biology class,” you nod hurriedly, the gears finally clicking in your brain.

“As if I wasn’t talking about him for the last few minutes–”

“Okay, and what about him?” you cut him off, already tired of his annoying tangent.

“I said he asked about you.”

“I heard that already,” you nod, looking at him with expecting eyes. “And?”

Jihoon stares at you, unblinking, as if you fell on your head and he’s trying to comprehend if you’re still here with him or if you got a concussion and need to be transferred into a hospital. When the contact of his eyes on your skin gets a bit too uncomfortable– you swear his looks could actually kill someone, if he tried enough– you furrow your brows at him in confusion and shake your head in disbelief.

“Why are you staring at me like that, Park Jihoon?”

“Just tryna see if you’re really that stupid or if you’re just pretending,” he mutters under his nose before he sighs again– his favorite activity whenever you’re around, it seems– and speaks up again, tone of voice reminding you of a kindergartener teacher trying to explain why it gets dark in the evening to a bunch of 4 year olds. “You know, when people ask about you, they are usually interested in you, as in, my friend Hyunsuk didn’t ask because you’re nice, but because you’re hot, if you know what I'm getting onto.”

“Oh,” you get out, eyes wide in concern and a little shaken-up, “well, that’s… nice of him, I guess.”

Jihoon only hums at you before he looks around himself and brings out the bag of chips that he left open by his right side only a few seconds ago, not really speaking more about the topic. It’s either he’s waiting for you to get what he’s hinting at, or he’s just waiting for you to get even more confused and ask him about it in a few seconds again– either way, he’s not the one doing more talking right now, because conversations with you, the most oblivious person he’s ever seen, are never productive if he goes too fast.

Chewing on the chips, his eyes go wide when you finally open your mouth and talk more about the topic at hand– just like he predicted. “Why are you telling me this?”

Your best friend swallows before he places the bag of chips back to its original place and turns his whole body so he’s facing you, speaking up again. “I was thinking that maybe, just maybe, you’d like to hang out with him. Like a date, before you ask– because I know you’re gonna ask– and why? – because, again, I know you’re gonna ask– because I simply think you should try to date again to get your mind off the loser you broke up with two months ago,” he says, blunt and honest, answering all of your unsaid questions at once, and before you know it, he has you snickering and shaking your head in disapproval.

“Absolutely not,” you retort, waving your hands in the air to only further show your disagreement with the proposition, “that would just be a massive catastrophe.”

“Why? Hyunsuk’s nice.”

“I didn’t say he isn’t, it’s just…”

“Just?” he probes you, eyebrows raised and questioning.

“I… don’t know,” you nervously chew on the inside of your cheek, aimlessly shrugging. “I just don’t think it’s a good idea, Jihoon.”

“Because of Mark?” he asks, and the moment his name escapes your best friend’s mouth, the whole room goes strangely quiet– you feel your heartbeat in your throat, the tips of your fingers start tingling and you swear that if you concentrate hard enough, you could feel a bead of sweat drip down your forehead with the incoming stress and nerves only the mention of your ex boyfriend brings you.

“No, that’s not it–”

“Sure,” he nods, sighing to himself– and there it is again, the judging look you so despise.

“You can’t just expect me to date other people a few weeks after my break up, Jihoon,” you exclaim, “that– that wouldn’t even be fair to your friend. You know I wouldn’t be invested,” you explain, and your friend rolls his eyes in frustration, sighing to himself.

“Oh but I know that! And Hyunsuk does too,” he shakes his head at you, “just thought the company of someone else could take your mind off things.”

“I have you,” you try.

“Yeah, but all we do when we’re together is mope about Mark Lee,” Jihoon snickers, “and don’t get me wrong, I’m more than open to bitch about your ex boyfriend and as your best friend, I don’t mind, but the fact that you’d be hanging out with someone else could take your mind off him, because you wouldn’t feel comfortable talking about him with someone else, y’know?”

You shut your eyes closed, a heavy sigh heaving out of your body as you try hard to concentrate and not lose it, and with how Jihoon’s tone gets softer and he’s not as loud with his brutal, yet logical advice, he must feel you getting overwhelmed and accommodates to your needs. “Look, it’s gonna be fun. I promise. Hang out with someone new, feel wanted and hot and pretty again, get some male attention that’s not your ex boyfriend, and you’ll see how it makes you feel. If you hate it, you hate it and you can slap me, I don’t know... If you don’t, you can keep dating around with my friends, and I swear I’ll hook you up only with the nice ones,” he takes your hand into his and waves it around in comfort, making you open your eyes and look at him again.

Seeing the softness and encouragement in your best friend’s eyes, you sigh to yourself. All this time, he’s tried to help you– what if you finally follow his advice? Who knows, it might even help.

Sighing, you squeeze his palm and hover over him to get the stranded bag of chips he’s guarding on the other side of the sofa. “Fine,” you mutter, “but let your friend know that he’s the one paying, okay?”

“Perfect. I'll text him your number, then.“

And maybe Jihoon was right and after dolling yourself up and dressing up in your favorite dress just so you would feel as comfortable as possible, you don’t feel as bad when his friend Hyunsuk picks you up in his white Volvo and chats with you on the way to the restaurant. He makes good small talk and even gets a giggle out of you, the music in his car is low and you find yourself slowly easing into the situation. You don’t remember when the last time you went out with a guy that wasn’t Mark was, but it’s surprisingly nice.

And Jihoon was right– you feel pretty. And when Hyunsuk opens the door for you after pulling up to the parking lot of the restaurant, you even feel wanted. You like the attention, just like any other girl would, and the smile you offer to your date seeps of tender shyness as you get out of the comfortable seat of his car.

The illusion, though, is soon broken as you notice the restaurant he pulled up to. Your smile freezes, your palms get sweaty and you feel your heartbeat rummaging against your ribcage as soon as the idle atmosphere of the restaurant opens up before you. And realistically, you could turn on your heel and get back to the car, tell Hyunsuk that you want to go to another restaurant– but you don’t do it, against your biggest wishes, because you worry that the boy already made a reservation and you don’t want to ruin an evening that’s going well so far.

“Everything alright?” your date checks up on you, seemingly noticing the frown on your face, and when his worried eyes meet yours, it’s sealed– you’d feel too bad for pulling out of the date now. So you only do what you always do best– you put on your best relaxed smile and nod, catching up to him and ensuring him that you’re all okay and you didn’t just talk yourself out of an anxiety attack.

Because you owe it to him and to Jihoon– both of them worked so hard to make you feel happy and help you to get over your ex boyfriend. It’s not Hyunsuk’s fault that he just managed to pick the restaurant your said ex boyfriend works at part-time. He had no way of knowing, and if you’re lucky enough, Mark wouldn’t be on today. He only works here part-time, it’s not like he’s here every day, and as far as you’re concerned, he only worked like two or three days a week when you dated. It would be a weird coincidence for him to be working the day you go there with your new date– you hope you’re not that unlucky.

Hyunsuk is a gentleman. Opening up doors for you, pulling out the chair for you, letting you talk and not interrupting you. He watches you with fond eyes and you almost try to feel bad for the fact that even if this ended well, the poor boy would just end up being a rebound. He deserves so much more, and you start to worry if this date was a good idea after all. Wasn’t it selfish of you to agree to this?

“What do you want to get?” he asks as you open up the menu, and you squint at the prices, mentally taking a note to order the cheapest thing just in case he wants to pay for you at the end of the evening.

“Spaghetti Bolognese,” you blurt out, despite it not being your favorite meal. Hyunsuk just stares at you with squinted eyes, but doesn’t disagree with you. After all, he has no way of knowing that you dislike the taste of the sauce in most restaurants– even though your conscience tells you that Mark knew that and always made sure to remind you about it before ordering for you, worried that you won’t get to eat much that evening– the only thing left to hope is that it tastes good in this particular place.

“Okay, sure,” he nods and puts the menu down, smiling at you before engaging in a comfortable conversation with you. It feels like you’ve known Hyunsuk forever– his personality oddly reminding you of Jihoon’s caused mainly by the fact that the two have grown up together. Everything flows soundly, but you still find yourself anxiously picking at your cuticles as you cautiously look around the restaurant, fearing the fact that you could catch a glimpse of your ex boyfriend at any second.

And maybe you should be a psychic, because those bad feelings were not there for nothing– when you see a waiter walking out of the back and eyeing your table, ready to get your order, the boy is a few inches taller than your current date, raven hair messy, but still a little styled, dark circles under the man’s eyes, and there he is– your ex boyfriend. Mark Lee halts in his movements, wearing his work uniform, eyes wide, a hint of something that breaks you at least in two mirroring in his orbs before he turns on his heel and disappears in the back again. When he doesn’t come back and his co-worker joins you and Hyunsuk at your table with a warm smile, you stop waiting to see the glimpse of him you selfishly desired to catch despite fearing the interaction the whole evening.

You want to fall through the floor and disappear in the depths of this earth. For some reason, you feel mortified. What would he think? And why do you even care about his feelings? A million different thoughts run through your brain and you worry that you’re being too distant from your current date, but Hyunsuk’s warm eyes reassure you that he doesn’t mind.

Piercing the food on your table with your eyes, you try to battle the noisy words running around your brain.

It’s easy to say you’re over someone when you don’t see them. To have them in front of you, meet their gaze and acknowledge their existence and still be able to nod and say that you’ve moved on, is something completely different.

Were you ever convinced that you were over Mark Lee in the first place, though?

After all of this– the months of following Jihoon’s advice, although making a few mishaps along the way as you continue to pick up Mark’s calls on Friday nights, snoop around his socials and let your mind wander to places it shouldn’t, overthinking everything and making you wish the relationship never ended in the first place– it’s time for the last step of it all. The last, most crucial part of this whole moving on process– the most important one, if you may.

Step five – avoid him at all costs.

Sounds easy, right? After the four previous steps, you’d already cried plenty about the lost months with your ex-boyfriend. You’d already given him back all of his stuff, not tying yourself to him with any material memory. You’d already gone on a date with someone new, choosing to distract yourself instead of letting yourself feel the emotions. After all the previous steps, this one’s supposed to be the easiest one. The one you’re supposed to want to do, after all. The break-up wasn’t messy, but it was still painful– it’s only natural for you to not want to see Mark ever again, right?

Wrong.

Because you never listen to the advice you’re given. That just wouldn’t be you, would it?

And so when Mark Lee calls you one day and tells you that he has a free train ticket to the Bukhansan stop, explaining that he was supposed to go hike there with Donghyuck who canceled on him last minute because of an assignment due midnight, you don’t really hesitate much before you shoot him a short text saying that you’re down and get ready for the short hike.

When you meet your ex boyfriend at the station, his figure slightly slouched up until the moment his eyes meet yours, you feel the quiet tension in the air. You’ve seen each other a few times before this meeting– on a party you went to with Jihoon, at the campus when you went to class one morning, your ex boyfriend walking you towards the Art building, hell, you’ve even met in the grocery store, all accidental and making your heart leap in your chest with tension. This time, though, you’re here completely intentionally, just to hang out with him, and something about the fact makes a dull pain shoot all through your intestines, a sensation so uncomfortable you try to hide with a tight-lipped smile.

“Ready for the hike?” he asks, adjusting the bag on his back, playing with the straps with clammy fingers. You can’t help but notice how he looks just like a little boy, in his little world, shielded from everything. He seems to have taken a protective stance, and you hate how the air between you shifted from how you two used to be when you were dating. Mark seems scared. Nervous. On top of his feet. Maybe you shouldn’t have agreed to this at all.

You’re already here, though. Turning around and leaving wouldn’t really work right now, as you take a step towards the train that’s just arrived, humming to your ex boyfriend in agreement. Taking a seat on the place Mark’s pointed to you on the train ticket, you try to loosen up your muscles and get as comfortable as you can, clearing your mind as you gaze outside of the window.

“How have you been?” he asks, clearing his throat.

Pressing your lips into a tight line, you turn to him as you search for an answer. “Better,” you nod, voice quiet. “You?”

Mark hums, chewing the inside of his cheek. “Good, good,” he lies through his teeth, “I’ve seen you at the restaurant the other day,” he hints, and you battle the sigh that’s begging to cut out of your throat. You don’t know where he’s going with the sentence. It’s not a question– only a proposition, barely even that– and you could ignore it with a nod of your head, you could pay it no mind as you see the bitterness in his gaze and the slightly self-conscious averting of his stare. You don’t know where he’s going with the conversation, but frankly, you don’t know where you are going with your answer either, as you shrug to him in a casual manner and peep under your breath.

“Yeah,” you say, “that was just… Jihoon’s friend from uni, I suppose,” you complete, and the sentence hints at nothing– it doesn’t clear out the confusion, it doesn’t outright say anything that could make Mark believe that it was just a casual hang-out with a friend, but still, you see the boy visibly relax as he nods to you and offers you a tight-lipped smile.

“Oh,” he hums, looking out of the window, past the profile of your face. The change in topic is sudden and sharp, but also welcome as he falls into a casual conversation with you, and suddenly, you’re reminded by the Mark you once knew– the guy you’ve once called not socially awkward, but so social that it’s awkward– as he talks to you about his day and rambles on about the weather. “It’s good that it won’t rain today, I bet the view will be nice.”

Locking your gaze with him for a brief second, you lick your lips and point your eyes towards the ground. It’s good that it won’t rain today, as opposed to last time you two went to the Bukhansan trail. You wonder if he remembers.

Before you have a chance to mention it– and in all reality, you won’t, no matter how bold you could be feeling at the moment– the train comes to a stop at your station and you hop out of the carriage, ready for the hike.

It’s easy to forget how messed up things have gotten between the two of you when you walk alongside with your ex boyfriend, laughing at his silly jokes and gasping at everything he shows to you with a pointed finger, finding yourself admiring the sound of his giggle when he spots a squirrel pass your path somewhere near the top of the hill. The trail is almost empty at this hour, since the two of you have decided to go in the late afternoon, and you find your soul to finally be at peace after so many weeks, you finally feel relaxed in the nature, one with the wind and the gentle sound of birds chirping lullying your running thoughts to a rest.

You realize that this is just what you needed all this time. You needed to get out and walk for some while, to tune out yourself and to accept the fact that you’re still here, for another day, and something about that is still a blessing. Watching the back of Mark’s head as he walks a step in front of you due to the narrowness of the trail in this area, you smile to yourself. It’s easy to forget just how much you were hurt by him when he heals your soul with such a simple gesture. It’s easy to forget you were hurt when he seemingly tries to put all the broken pieces back together, glue them to where they were in the first place, when things were easier and you both didn’t have so many things to worry about.

You reach the top just as the sun starts setting over the horizon, and there are only a few people scattered across the peak, sitting on their own picnic blankets and gazing into the distance. The hues of the sky paint the world in a different color, the oranges, pinks and muted purples playing with your heartstrings as you come to a halt and crouch down and feel the presence of another soul mirror your actions only a meter away to your right, his gaze glued to your side. The view is beautiful, but the feeling of being watched isn’t ignorable anymore, and so you turn to your companion and raise your eyebrows at him, wondering if he has something to say.

You don’t know how you’ll be able to come back to your life after this and pretend you still don’t want to spend every passing second with the man on your right. You don’t know how you’re supposed to ignore the ever so growing love for him– even though after being so disappointed with the past, the feelings should be decreasing, not doing the opposite– and frankly, you don’t even want to think of going back to the way it’s been for the past few months. And so you don’t– you allow yourself to indulge the moment, to ignore the pain that’s about to come, just so you could hold another beautiful memory to your heart and enjoy the moment before it hurts you to think of it tomorrow morning.

“It’s even more beautiful than the last time,” Mark hums, but his eyes never leave your figure– if you were still dating, you bet he’d come out with a cheesy line about how you’re prettier than the view, or something. “It didn’t rain this time around, thank god.”

Gazing at him, you shake your head in disbelief. Scoffing, you play with the grass between your fingers. “You remember that?”

“Yeah,” he hums, “I remember a lot of things.”

The sentence makes you bitterly chuckle. He knows why you’re reacting the way you are– and you have every right to. He claims to remember a lot of things, but the ones important to you, the ones you wanted him to remember, he failed to save into his memory. And that’s eventually what made you break up with him, at the end of it all.

At your reaction, he sighs and drags a hand across his face, seemingly realizing the weight of his own words and just how ridiculous he must have sounded to you right now.

“I- That-” he stutters, shaking his head, “that sounded stupid right now, considering… everything… Didn’t it?”

“Kind of,” you nod, not wanting to meet his eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he blurts out, voice suddenly raw and serious, so different to the tone he’s been using with you the whole afternoon, “I don’t- I can’t remember if I said that back then, when you- when you… broke up with me, but I really am sorry, Y/N. You didn’t deserve that, and I am in no way shape or form trying to make this about me, but I hate myself every day for the way things turned out and if I could go back to that day, I’d do so many things differently.”

The sky in front of you deepens in reds and you taste iron on your tongue, suddenly hyper-aware of the fact that you’ve managed to bite on your lip too hard in the midst of the conversation. Tearing out stems of grass with your clammy fingertips, you focus on the clouds running through the sky, calculating your next response.

“Okay,” you nod, not giving him much else. The answer perfectly encapsulates the way you feel on the inside right now– you don’t know if you’re ready to accept his apology, if you’re ready to let go of it and act like you weren’t hurt or that none of it ever happened, but you listened to him and you internalized his words. He is sorry. He knows he was in the wrong. And you were aware that he knew all of this before– hell, you’d even go as far as say he knew it the moment you knocked on his door that day and told him it was over– but hearing it from him surely moved something inside of you to a more comfortable place.

“I-” he starts, voice breaking making him clear his throat before he continues, “I don’t expect you to forgive me. And I know I shouldn’t have expected you to still be my friend after all of this, and that- I shouldn’t have even called you so many times and approached you at the store and stuff, but um-” he mumbles, shrugging to himself, “I guess I just couldn’t stay away from you. And again, I don’t expect you to forgive me, I don’t expect you to do anything, really. So… yeah…”

Snickering at his aimless monologue, you shake your head in disbelief. “Mark?”

“Yeah?” he stares at you, eyes a bottomless pool of emotion.

“Why did you invite me here today? What was the… point, I guess?” you ask, hugging your knees to your chest as the breeze makes goosebumps appear all over your body.

Mark offers you a sad smile, head leaned to his right as he shrugs, and this time, his eyes don’t leave yours as he spills the truth into the air. “I guess I was just feeling selfish today,” he hums, and the sentence makes you cringe with the memory of his first call to you after your break up, “wanted to spend time with you.”

“Here, of all places?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “told you. I was feeling selfish.”

Snickering, you look away, staring at the sky again. The colors are starting to blend together into a deep, dark purple– the horizon darkening as the sun starts to say its final goodbyes to the day. You sigh to yourself, yet feel no bitterness or terror at his words. Somehow, you understand. Somehow, you get him a little too well. Somehow, you think you knew the moment he texted you today, and somehow, you think you felt it in your bones when you didn’t say no, although you could have. There’s calmness in your soul when you nod at the implication of his words, leaning back on your elbows and plopping your bottom to the ground, sitting at the dusty surface.

“You said you didn’t expect anything out of me today, Mark.”

“And I don’t,” he says, voice soft.

“And you brought me here to remind me of the last time we went?” you stare at him, a hint of a bitten-back smile playing with your lips. “Because you’re selfish?”

He nods, not escaping your gaze. “To remind you of the last time we went. To show you that… I remember, I guess. And that I still care, just like the last time. If not more.”

“Mark, you can’t just say all of this and expect nothing out of me right now,” you mutter.

“Actually, I can. Because that’s what I’m doing. I’m just… laying it out in the open, and what you do with the information is completely, completely up to you,” he explains, and you find yourself chuckling at him, the atmosphere instantly lighter as you hear his voice in its usual casualness, talking to you as if he was just unpacking what went on in class today, and not the starting and the end of your one year relationship.

And he’s right. What you do with the information is completely up to you, and the next steps and the progress of your relationship with Mark Lee is also completely in your hands. You could turn away and never talk to him again, you could curse at him and tell him that it’s too late now and he missed his chance, but if that was the case, you wouldn’t be here in the first place. He wouldn’t be inviting you to this place, lying about his roommate canceling just to trick you into going, and you wouldn’t be blindly accepting the invitation, wanting to see where the afternoon brings you.

“So you still care about me?” you hum, looking at him from under your eyelashes, noticing his slouched-over pose as he looks back at you over his shoulder.

“Always have,” he admits, “never stopped. Despite not really… acting like it in the past few months.”

“Why’d you stop acting like it, then?” you ask.

A sigh escapes his lips, his head turning forward before he leans back and sits cross-legged on the ground, more comfortably now. Shrugging, he answers the question. “I guess I just got too caught up with different things. And don’t get me wrong, you were always my priority, always, but I was all over the place with everything and my mind just couldn’t… there were too many things to keep up with and I couldn’t stay up to date with everything,” he says, “and I know it’s not an excuse, but it’s an explanation, and it doesn’t make it better or undo the pain I’ve caused you, but it’s… at least you know it was never because I’d care about you any less.”

His eyes bear into yours with such honesty you think the weight of the world will crash on you any minute, and suddenly, the whole situation seems so much clearer.

And you wouldn’t take it back, you wouldn’t undo the breakup or do anything differently, because at the end of the day, you think it was needed. Perhaps the time apart was what he needed as a wake up call and what you needed to shield yourself from hurting more.

“Stop me from saying it if you… if you don’t want to hear it right now,” he hums, voice barely louder than a whisper. There seems to be a silent communication between the two of you, a connection of some sort that brings out the strange telepathy, but you just nod at him, a gentle smile playing with your lips as you understand exactly what he means, telling him that it’s okay and that you don’t mind– you welcome, you need to hear him say it again.

Licking his lips, he turns to you fully, facing you. There’s not a hint of nervousness in his body, having done this a lot of times before, and then it happens– the repeated confession, confirming what was there the whole time, never leaving even when the times were rough.

“I love you,” he says.

And isn’t that all that’s needed?

A year is a long time with someone. Somehow, you wouldn’t want the time to go to waste. At the end of the day, if love is still present, isn’t it worth trying? One more time?

“And you still don’t expect anything from me?” you ask, gazing at him softly. “You don’t expect me to say it back?”

“No,” he breathes out, shrugging. “I just needed to get it off my chest.”

“Because you’re selfish like that,” you nod, teasing him.

“Because I’m selfish like that,” he agrees, breaking out into a slight grin.

Looking at the sky, now completely dipped in dark purple, you sigh to yourself at the turmoil of the conversation. You don’t say it back– although you feel it, you know it’s in there, playing with your heartstrings and clenching the muscle in the palm of its hand– you know love is there, deep inside, for the man that’s currently staring at you as if you hung the very stars appearing on the sky there yourself, stolen them from your own eyes and gluing them there selflessly, for everyone to see. You don’t tell him you love him back, you don’t tell him you forgive him or accept his apology. You don’t worry about what tomorrow will bring you, what your brain is going to tell you when you come down from the hill and get home, lay in your bed and overthink. You let the worries escape you, letting fondness and calm envelope you in a tight hug instead.

“Okay,” you nod, watching the boy next to you look at you with curious eyes. You take his hand into yours and place it on your thigh, playing with his fingers for a heartbeat before you meet his eyes again and smile. “I won’t say it back, but for all it’s worth, Mark… I’m glad you remembered.”

And that’s all he needs– there is love, there is fondness, and there is the silent confirmation that all you need right now is just a bit more time.

Where do broken hearts go?

Somehow, you think they hold on to the place where it all started. Somehow, you think your heart never went anywhere– it stayed on this hill, waiting for you to pay it a visit and pick back up everything right from where you left it.

“It doesn’t seem like a good idea to go here today, Y/N,” Mark laughed behind you as he looked up to the sky, the dark clouds shielding the sun that had been previously shining down on your hiking figures, casting an orange glow on the strands of your hair.

“Well, there’s no turning back now,” you shrugged, turning to him and grinning as you tugged on his hand, grip strong as you dragged the boy up the trail, your sneakers fast against the dirty ground. “We have finals starting next week and it’s gonna be too cold to go after the exam season is over, so we gotta go now.”

“I kind of regret telling you that I’ve never been here before now,” Mark sighed, but followed you nonetheless, breathlessly following your excited stride. It was October, the leaves on the trees were welcoming the two of you in shining colors, and the wind kissing your skin turned a bit chilly in the evenings– courtesy of the warm hoodie Mark shyly lended you when you shivered for the first time, adoring the way you, his friend, looked in the light gray fabric. Something about you wearing his clothes made the boy a bit hopeless about the day. Maybe he’ll have enough courage to confess his feelings to you, he thought. Maybe, despite the first raindrops falling on the skin of his bare arms, this evening will have a happy ending for you and him.

“Oh, please,” you squinted at him, continuing to run up the hill– thank god it wasn’t that steep, serving both of you as the perfect hiking difficulty, “even if you wouldn’t have, I’d drag you here anyway. It’s like, my favorite place to go in Seoul, haven’t I told you before?”

You have, Mark thought. But he was okay with hearing it again.

You squealed when the raindrops got heavier and the rain started pouring faster on the two of you, and Mark found himself laughing at your running figure. He was right behind you, praying that you don’t slip on one of the rocks and break your leg on the hiking trail, but he encouraged you with sweet comments and a hand on the small of your back as he watched the tip of the hill appear right in front of his very eyes, your body coming to a satisfied halt when you reached your destination.

“Tada!” you grinned at him, twirling a little like a ballerina, showing him the place with outstretched arms. He tried hard to observe the place, but his eyes stayed glued to your excited figure, gaze bearing into yours as you looked at him, amidst a little flustered, with sparkly orbs and a bright smile on your face. Your hair was a mess, his gray hoodie enveloping your body was slowly growing darker in color from absorbing the rain, and your sneakers were getting a bit muddy from walking around the place. He wanted to remember this moment forever, he thought– this version of you, the smiley expression on your face, the carefree and excited nature of your step.

“Isn’t it beautiful?” you exclaimed, jumping around and nearing the boy, but as you went to take his hand to drag him around the top of the hill once more, your feet slipped and you fell forward, a surprised squeak battling its way out of your throat.

Your whole life flashed in front of your very eyes in that moment, embarrassment spreading down your neck at the fact that you were about to fall face first onto the ground in front of your crush of a few months, before your body collided with a soft, yet firm mass engulfing you closer. A pair of strong arms steadied you against his chest, and when you looked up at your friend, you swear all words were taken out of your dictionary, the sight leaving you speechless.

“It is,” he gaped, eyes bearing into yours. Mark was agreeing with you, but something in the back of your head was telling you that he didn’t really admire this place as much as you did– his curious gaze was always plastered somewhere completely else.

That place being your face, of course. And your eyes, your cheeks, the mess of your bangs, and occasionally– screw that, almost always– your lips. Much like in that moment, a few centimeters away from his face, so inviting he thought it would be a crime to contain the urge.

And so he didn’t– he didn’t control his feelings and the ever-so growing yearning for you, as he silently leaned towards your face and captured his lips with yours in a firm, yet short kiss.

He looked at you with a nervous tint behind his gaze when he leaned away, the sight of your wide eyes staring at him making a slight flush grow on his cheeks. You looked so beautiful in that moment– flustered, surprised, with messy hair and lips still apart– and he was relieved to not find a hint of a displeased emotion in your expression.

“Okay, so- well-” you stuttered, laughing to yourself, “this didn’t go as I planned, but I guess I’m happy as long as the final result is the same,” you hummed, standing on your tippy-toes and pressing your lips against him once more, this time letting yourself enjoy the moment fully, mouth moving against his in a careful, yet excited rhythm. He tasted like the strawberry candy you offered him on the bottom of the trail and smelled a bit like rain, the mixture always staying in the depths of your mind as his warmth enveloped you in comfort and a feeling of home.

“The final result being…?” he asked when you pulled apart once again, a dazed expression overtaking his sharp features.

“Us,” you shrugged, “like this,” you clarified.

Mark laughed at that, hugging you closer to his chest. You rested your head on his shoulder, listening to the sound of raindrops washing away the top layer of dirt off the rocks on the tip of the hill, hands sneaking around his waist and enjoying the way they wrapped around him so tightly and so comfortably. You in his hoodie, in your favorite place, standing in his arms. It was raining, but it didn’t matter.

“Mark?”

“Hm?”

“If we ever get lost, or something happens… bring me back here, okay?” you mumbled close to his ear, lips gently glazing the skin of his ear, making goosebumps appear all over your new lover. “I’m convinced that this place could fix everything.”

“Even us?”

“Don’t be ridiculous. You’re not allowed to ever leave me now, what would there be to fix between us?” you smacked his shoulder, snickering to yourself.

“You never know,” he laughed, “what if I accidentally mess up somewhere along the way?” he asked, threading his fingers through your hair, smoothing down the wet mess.

“Okay then,” you hummed, “even us.”

Staring into your eyes, letting the moment play out by itself, Mark swore he’s never felt more at peace. He wondered if it was the effect of the place, the rain, or just your sheer presence. “I’ll remember that,” he giggled before he let go of your body, petting your head as he took a hold of your hand, tugging you down from where you came from, “now let’s go home before we catch a cold.”

Nodding, following the man as you both carefully, yet fastly made it down the trail, you enjoyed the way his hand fit into yours and the way you knew that after this, you can’t ever come back to being friends with Mark Lee. He was all yours, completely, utterly yours, and you knew in the back of your head, that you were his– and nothing will ever change that.

You would always come back to the hill with him. It felt ridiculous to think about you two ever having to fix anything between the two of you back then, but even in that moment, you knew that for him, you’d keep trying. As long as he does– as long as he remembers.

Where do broken hearts go? You guess they always come right back to the place they come from– and they leave glued back together every single time.

You guess your heart never really left the hill.

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haknom · 4 months

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STARS AND RAINDROPS — PARK JAY

꒰ PLAY’S SCRIPT ꒱ ⪩ Park Jay was well aware of the rivalry between his basketball team and the drama club, yet he couldn’t bring himself to hate them. He loved drama, and of course, he couldn’t express that to anyone. Upon hearing about the auditions for their new play, he only felt thrilled. He was good at hiding secrets, so signing up wouldn’t be that hard, right? Well, it wouldn't be if you, the club leader, weren’t practically everywhere.

꒰ CASTING ꒱ ⪩ bball-team-leader!jay x drama-club-leader-fem!reader (ft. k from &team, sohee and seunghan from riize, eric, younghoon, sangyeon, and juyeon from the boyz, danielle from newjeans, kazuha and eunchae from le sserafim, jisung and mark from nct, ricky from zb1, enha’s jungwon, heeseung, jay, and jake, songyee from woo!ah!)

꒰ GENRES ꒱ ⪩ highschool au, performing arts au, sports au, highschool musical inspired, strangers to lovers, love at first sight, fluff, angst, crack, (kinda) self discovery, and nonidol au.

꒰ WARNINGS ꒱ ⪩ profanity, lotsss of arguing, jay has a nightmare, club/team rivalry, lying, k is like really mean, crying, kissing, y/n gets injured for a bit, mentions of possibly being sick, lmk if i missed anything!

꒰ SOUNDTRACK ꒱ ⪩ CLICK HERE!

꒰ PLAY’S DURATION ꒱ ⪩ 23717 words

꒰ AUTHOR NOTE ꒱ ⪩ first fic of the year!! honestly, this fic has existed for the last three years and went through the most craziest revamps in history... So recently I've been rewatching hsm with my older sister and forgot the plot of the old 'mansae' fic so here comes the new and improved mansae fic yall!!! — ps, thank sona for FIGHTING for this fic 😭 and ty to hana for proofreading!!

PERM TAGLIST — @soov @ox1-lovesick @urszn @hanniluvi @dakkisz @dimplewonie @xiaoderrrr @ja4hyvn @mmaplepastries @essmarye @w3bqrl @jennaissantes @yenqa @yeokii @yyunari @wvnkoi @isoobie @strwberrydinosaur @gibbysupremeacyisreal @rikizm @teddywonss @simp4jongseong @100203s @yizhoutv @yuviqik @itsactuallylina @i-yeseo @y6qiso @flwoie @shinrjj @rikibun

ACT ONE.

“So, practice is still on tomorrow?” K asked while throwing his blazer over his shoulder.

“Yeah, I’m down.” Eric said with a smile, wrapping his arm around Jay’s shoulder.

“What about you? I’m sure everyone else is okay with it.” Eric asked the exhausted boy beside him, tightening his arm around Jay’s shoulder.

Jay hummed in response, a yawn breaking through midway. They arrived at K’s locker as he unlocked his own, and Jay pressed his back into the locker beside K’s. Today’s practice was enough for him.

He was ready to fall asleep and wake up the next day, discarding all his assigned work. His eyes fell shut at the sounds of K’s locker interior clashing with his personal belongings.

“Excuse me.” someone said, gaining the attention of the three boys. Jay slightly opened one eye, glancing at the sight before him. Nakamura Kazuha, a member of the drama club, looked annoyed more than ever.

Eric scoffed at the sight, alongside him, Jay pushed himself off the locker he was resting on and moved out of her way. She proceeded to tape up a flyer that promoted their club’s newest attraction—a play.

“Wizard of Oz? Really?” K retorted, shutting his locker at the same time.

“What’s it to you?” Kazuha said with a raised brow.

“Nobody’s going to watch that.”

“It’s optional. Either they watch the live action or the play.” Kazuha said, leaving K confused.

“Aren’t those the same thing?” K asked.

“One needs effort, and one doesn’t. For example, you look identical to an Oompa Loompa, so therefore, no costume will be needed.” She insulted him as K’s brows furrowed.

Eric snorted at the sudden insult, immediately clearing his throat once he felt K’s glare. Jay cracked a smile at her words, his gaze shifting to the poster beside him. His attention was drawn away from the conversation and onto the colourful poster before him. It was quite eye-catching.

Everyone in Decelis was aware of the rivalry between the two groups. It wasn’t anything new and stayed every school year, to the point where even newcomers heard about it.

It all started with a misunderstanding. Back in sophomore year, the drama club had just finished designing one of their new set pieces, only for a group of rowdy boys to ruin it right after. A basketball came flying into the center of their backdrop, breaking it immediately.

Of course, your first instinct would be to confront the basketball team. The basketball had a signature on it. One that anyone could recognize immediately; ‘DECELIS BBALL TEAM’ in bolded letters, slightly smudged from the number of sweaty hands that held the ball in many games.

The gym doors busted open, revealing a group of furious students who caught the team’s attention. “That’s where the ball went!” Sohee exclaimed while jogging towards the group of students.

He reached out for the basketball with a smile.

“Thank you—”

“You guys broke our set,” Danielle said, moving the ball out of his reach.

“What?” Sohee questioned, turning to look at his team members and then back at the students in front of him. His team members were just as confused as him. What did they mean by breaking their set?

“Is this your way of sabotaging us? We understand that your game is on the same day as our play, but that wouldn’t differentiate the number of viewers for both events.” Jungwon explained, leaving the group of boys even more confused.

K approached Sohee’s side with furrowed brows. “Why are you guys accusing us of something we didn’t do?” He asked as Eunchae sighed.

“How are we the ones accusing you when your team’s ball is enough to prove our point?” She said, taking the ball from Danielle’s hold.

“It came flying into our set pieces. Everyone in our school knows about the rules with your team’s ball, which is only reserved for tournament and practice services. Nothing else.” She explained. She wasn’t wrong about that. Definitely not. But still, the basketball team did nothing.

“If you guys don’t want to answer truthfully, then that’s fine. Keep whatever reputation you have to uphold, I guess. Stay away from the drama club room, or we will inform the principal.” Juyeon said, glaring into K’s eyes.

K felt furious. He had a history of bad anger management, and his teammates knew. He lurched at the group of students, but Sohee put an arm in front of him, halting his movements. K looked at Sohee as he shook his head.

“Let them be.” He mumbled as the group of students walked away, dropping the ball on the ground and leaving it to dribble as it rolled toward the two boys.

The changing room doors opened, revealing a confused Jay.

“What was all that commotion?” He asked the boys, taking in the scene before him. All the boys turned around to stare at their captain, including K, who was still mad.

He stormed off into the changing room, pushing past Jay, who blocked the entrance slightly.

“What’s up with him?” He asked, pointing behind him with his thumb.

“The drama club accused us of ruining their set pieces and trying to sabotage their play all because of our missing basketball. I don’t even know how it ended up in the halls in the first place.” Sohee explained while walking over to pick up the ball.

“That’s weird…” Jay mumbled, running his fingers through his hair.

“Whatever, let’s continue with the practice.” He changed the topic as everyone went back to what they were doing.

“Jay, what are you doing?” Eric asked as Jay’s attention shifted away from the poster from earlier.

“What? Oh, nothing…” He mumbled, trying to play it off yet failed completely.

Jay looked around, registering that Kazuha had left to put up more posters around their school hallways a while ago and it was only the three of them together.

“Aren’t you coming?” K asked, leaving Jay unsure of what he was referring to.

“Yeah, of course.” He said, hoping it was the right answer.

“Sweet, let’s go!” Eric cheered as the two walked ahead with Jay trailing behind.

Jay didn’t know if he should regret agreeing or be glad that he agreed. He had no clue where they were and was even more confused once he realized they were standing in front of the doors to the drama club room.

“What are we doing here?” Jay asked nervously.

“You weren’t listening were you…” Eric said with a sigh.

“We’re here to get revenge.” He explained as Jay’s eyes widened.

“Don’t worry, it won’t be bad. Just a little warning.” He teased and reached for the doorknob.

“I’m aware of our so-called hatred for their club but isn’t this too much? I mean, what if we get caught? We can’t be benched for our upcoming game. Plus, the season’s almost done. We can’t risk any silly behaviour.” Jay sternly said as he held onto Eric’s arm.

“You’re worrying too much. There’s no way Coach would bench any of us, we have to be the starters no matter what.” He reassured Jay and removed his hand from his arm.

“Follow through with the plan. If we get caught, one of us goes and tries to drive the person out of the room. I’d say, Eric, you’re a good sweet talker.” K said as Eric nodded.

“Alright…” Jay mumbled, still nervous. He didn’t want to bother the club anymore. Plus, what if this ruined his chances of ever joining one of their plays?

Auditions were in less than a week, he couldn’t blow them now.

They checked the halls before opening the door silently. The coast was clear, it was nearing the end of lunch anyway. Usually, nobody’s in the clubrooms during lunchtime. After a few weeks of observing, it was something Jay realized. He wouldn’t get caught signing up at this rate.

They walked into the club room, closing the door behind them. “What should we take? A camera?” K asked while holding one of their cameras in his hands. He examined the other options, including their lens as well.

“I doubt they’d care, it’s a drama club, not a photography club,” Eric said while approaching their other belongings. Jay’s grip tightened on the coat in his hands and gulped. Although he was sure they wouldn’t get caught, he was still nervous about it.

What if it really did happen? Then what?

“A play script sounds better. I heard they’re handwritten too, then proofread to make more copies.” Eric said with a smirk.

“The Wizard of Oz…what a silly name,” Eric said while thumbing the stapled stack of papers he held.

“I doubt they printed any of this. It looks freshly written.” He said and looked at Jay and K.

“Yeah—” K silenced himself at the sound of footsteps.

They quickly looked around the room, trying to find a place to hide. Eric passed K the script as he quietly walked towards the door. K pulled Jay into a nearby room that stored some of their smaller set pieces, shutting it slowly.

“Shh,” K whispered to Jay as his harsh breathing grew quiet. There was a silence between them as they tried listening to what was happening on the other side of the door.

“Hello?” A voice called, catching their attention. Jay’s brows furrowed as he tried to pinpoint whom the voice belonged to.

“Oh, hi.” Eric turned around, smiling at the person.

“Y/N, I was wondering about something, so I decided to wait for one of you to return.” He lied.

“It’s their club leader,” K whispered to Jay as he nodded. Why did their name sound so familiar if that was their club leader whom he never met?

“What is it?” You asked as Eric tried to think of an excuse.

“I know I’m on the basketball team and whatnot, but that doesn’t mean I’m not interested in drama.” He said, trying to stall more time.

“Here, why don’t we walk outside and talk?” Eric suggested. “I’m feeling a little cramped in here due to the amount of items your club has…” He said while looking around the room.

“Okay…” You said as he smiled and led you two out of the clubroom.

Once the door shut, Jay and K let out a heavy sigh. They opened the storage room door and exited.

“It’s like 50°C in there!” K exclaimed while wiping the sweat that dribbled down his face.

“I know,” Jay mumbled in agreement while trying to catch his breath.

“I’m surprised he managed to convince her to leave. I told you he’s a sweet talker.” K said as the two left the clubroom in silence.

They walked away from the doors as if they weren’t just in there as K held the script under his arm.

“Hopefully, we can last a few days.” He said as they approached his locker. He unlocked his locker as Jay examined the empty halls.

“Wait…” Jay mumbled while pulling out his phone immediately.

“K, we’re late.” He said and looked at the boy in front of him.

“Shit,” K muttered, placing the script in his locker hastily.

“Go, I’ll catch up later. Make a believable excuse for Mrs. Jang. I’m sure she’ll believe you out of all her students.”

Jay nodded and hurried to their English class. It’s true that he’s one of Mrs. Jang’s favourite students and was rarely ever late to class. Of course, she’d believe anything he’d say.

ACT TWO.

P.E. has always been one of Jay’s favourite classes. It was almost like a break from his other boring classes. He loved it and also loved being active.

The voices that cheered his name throughout the gym sounded like distant cries. His only focus was the ball that bounced in front of him and those he was opposing. He caught the ball in his hands as he searched around the gymnasium for his teammate.

“Chenle!” Jay called out, alerting the dark-haired boy. He passed the ball to Chenle who stood only a few meters away from him and ran closer to the net.

“He’s quite good,” your classmate whispered to her friend.

“Who? Chenle?” The friend whispered back with raised brows.

“No, silly! I’m talking about Jay." Her chin rested in her palm as she watched Jay with narrowed eyes.

“It’s not like it’s the first time you’re seeing him play… But I agree, no wonder the team made him their captain.”

You looked away from the two classmates, who continued to converse with each other. The floor everyone sat on was pretty uncomfortable. If it were the bleachers, that would be way better.

It was well-known how serious Jay became once he was on the court with an orange ball in his hands. He was way different from his normal calm aura.

Your eyes trailed over Jay’s figure; his eyes were focused on the ball and the court, sweat droplets visible on his body as his blue hair strands stuck to his damped forehead, and he was breathing heavily. Even with how far you were seated, you could still see quite a lot.

But not the ball that headed your way.

“Look out!” The voices of the boys on the court yelled in unison, scattering all your old thoughts and replacing them with new ones. You prepared yourself to be hit since there was no other spot for you to move, but instead, nothing came your way aside from the tall figure that overshadowed yours.

“Watch your surroundings, if I wasn’t able to catch that you would’ve gotten—hurt…” His harsh tone changed into a shocked one as his voice lowered in volume. His eyes were stuck on you, and he wouldn’t move, despite the number of times his teammates called his name.

“Y/N, are you okay?” Your friend from beside you called out.

“I’m fine,” you reassured her as she glared at the boy in front of you two.

“We get it, you guys hate the drama club but that doesn’t mean you have to injure their club leader too.” She said as both you and Jay stayed silent.

“Jay, dude? We need the ball, focus!” Sangyeon shouted from across the gym but Jay didn’t move.

“Thank you.” You muttered.

“Right, no problem.” He responded awkwardly as his hand hit the basketball again.

He ran back to the court, throwing the ball into play. “My fault, whose ball is it?” He questioned while jogging into place.

“It was ours, idiot!” Sohee exclaimed while chasing after the ball.

“Why’d you even throw it here? There’s nobody there!” He said, standing at the other end of the court.

Jay apologized with an embarrassed smile. “Oh, sorry. That was my fault!”

“Jeez, what’s up with him now?” Sohee mumbled as he picked up the basketball, passing it towards their other teammate, Taehyun.

Instead of focusing on the ball and the match in front of him, his thoughts were clouded with you. So, that’s where he’s heard your name, in his P.E. class.

The only thing is, how come he’s never noticed someone as pretty as you?

Waking up on weekdays felt natural to Jay. It meant he would go through his same old everyday routine; wake up, get dressed, eat breakfast with his family, and then go to school.

But today was different.

His alarm rang like usual, he got out of bed, proceeded with his morning routine, and even made himself a quick breakfast. It was something he did every day, but as said before, today was different.

You wouldn’t leave his mind and it was bothering him.

He ran his fingers through his blue strands as he walked down the halls of Decelis. They had an upcoming game, he couldn’t let you distract him. His schedule for today was busier than usual; he had double basketball practice, a test in English, and a test review first period. It was terrible.

He mentally prepared himself for whatever he was about to go through, hoping that’ll all be over soon.

“Hey,” Jay’s friend greeted.

“Hey, Younghoon.” He’d greet back as Younghoon moved beside him.

“Woah, you look exhausted… Did you sleep at all last night?” Younghoon said, worry laced in his voice.

“I’m fine, I just didn’t get enough as usual,” Jay explained, which wasn’t a lie.

He was bothered by the same constant dream—which was more of a nightmare, to him at least—his arms around you as you stared up at him with eyes filled with adoration. If this wasn’t him going crazy then what was?

“I’m sure you’ll be able to sleep for a bit after the test review in Chem today.”

Jay at his words and nodded with a smile. “Hopefully.” He said, a yawn completing his sentence. He’d stretch out his arms as the two walked to Jay’s locker in a comfortable silence.

His eyes glanced at the freshly taped-up poster that advertised the drama club’s new play. That wasn’t there previously.

“Gross, now they’re using our belongings as canvas space?” A familiar voice said while reaching out for the taped-up paper.

Jay looked behind the door of his locker, eyes slightly widening at the sight before him. K was ripping their poster off of Jay’s locker.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Jay began but was interrupted by another voice who finished his sentence for him. The three boys turned their attention toward the girl before them.

“Great,” K muttered. The drama club’s leader was practically everywhere. He couldn’t get away with anything.

You’d approach K, grabbing the now crumpled-up piece of paper in his hand with an unsatisfied look. “Why are you wrecking the properties of others?” You said, earning a scoff from K.

“Why are you ‘claiming’ the properties of others by taping up useless posters?” He retorted with a raised brow as you furrowed yours.

“Fine then.” You’d say as you moved to the nearest trash can, throwing out the balled-up poster.

“If you don’t want us to put things on your lockers, maybe invest in some name tags. Nobody would want to waste their time and remember every irrelevant member of the basketball team’s locker number anyway.” You walked away from the three boys, leaving Jay and Younghoon stunned. Although Jay was supposed to be offended by your words, he was impressed.

K gritted his teeth in annoyance, knowing he couldn’t do anything to you. He looked at Jay with narrowed eyes. “She’s really annoying.” He muttered in pure annoyance as Jay shut his locker.

As much as he wanted to tell K that he was in the wrong, he couldn’t bring himself to do it.

Instead, he looked at the time on his watch and then back at the friends beside him. “Period one starts in 5 minutes. We should get going.” He’d suggest as the two boys nodded in agreement. All Jay had to do was get through his first two periods and then he could rest during lunch practice.

That’s all he had to do.

Yet that didn’t explain the thrilled feeling he was currently experiencing in his seat. Chemistry never had him feeling thrilled—and never will.

“I repeat,” the student’s voice on the PA system said, catching Jay’s attention.

“Auditions for Decelis’ drama club’s The Wizard of Oz play will begin in a week! Please, sign up on the signup sheet near the school’s entrance.” She’d continue.

“For more information, please ask the drama club members if needed!” The mic was handed over to someone else, causing quite a commotion over the PA system.

“You heard them, sign up now before it’s too late!” Another student said before beginning their own set of announcements.

“Eunchae has a real warming voice.” One of Jay’s classmates complimented her.

“I agree. I understand why she’s always on the PA system.” Another said.

The rest of their conversation went through one of Jay’s ears and out the other. He was too distracted in trying to think of ways to sign up for their auditions secretly. He’d never done this before and never planned on doing so, but it was their last year of high school. He needed to have the so-called high school experience.

He already had enough things to worry about. He still had time to continue this after his whole day of school. Delaying his plan-making wouldn’t hurt.

But they sure did become more difficult. Jay cautiously approached the signup sheet that was located near the school’s entrance, acting as casually as possible. He had only 10 minutes to figure out something before he had to be at the gymnasium for practice.

There was a whole crowd that surrounded the signup sheet which made his attempt to approach impossible. He sighed, trying to peek over the crowd of students who rushed to write their names down on the sheet of paper.

“Hey, Jay!” Ricky exclaimed while swinging an arm over his team captain.

“Hey.” He said, startled by his sudden appearance. Ricky looked ahead of him, grimacing at the sight.

“There’s no way this many people actually like drama… It’s so boring! I hated that class last year.” He whispered.

“Anyways, practice begins in five. How come you’re not early like always?” He’d ask, catching Jay off guard.

5 minutes of him struggling had already gone by within a blink of an eye. “Oh, uh, I was trying but the crowd blocked off my shortcut.” Jay lied, mentally scolding himself for how bad it was.

“No worries, I got you covered.” Ricky winked and clicked his tongue while pointing a finger gun at Jay with his free hand.

The two began to walk towards the gymnasium together as Jay felt his soul leaving his body. He definitely wasn’t going to succeed with signing up today. But he had a week to do so, eventually, he should succeed, right?

Maybe?

“Alright, gather around!” Their coach said while clapping his hands together. The 10 sweaty boys made their way towards their coach, all breathing heavily.

“I know you’re tired, but let’s do a quick practice match.” He suggested, earning disappointed sighs from every single one of them.

“Hey, hey. It’ll be beneficial. Your game is in 2 days, don’t forget.” He said, reminding them all. They nodded and proceeded to split themselves into two teams. Both teams sent their tallest members on both sides to the center for the tip–off.

“First team to score 10 wins.” Said their coach. He’d blow his whistle, throwing the ball up in the air as both team members rushed up to grab it, but eventually, the red team had the ball in possession.

“It’s okay, you’ll get it next time!” Jay reassured Ricky as he jogged back out in the open.

The ball dribbling echoed through the quiet gymnasium that only picked up on the sounds of their shoes squeaking against the polished floors and whistle-blowing.

“Get open!” Heeseung said to his team members as they spread out across the court.

He searched for an open teammate, sending the ball straight to Mark’s hands. He’d take this opportunity to dribble the ball, trying to get free from Ricky’s defence but kept failing. His eyes shifted to K’s free figure as he attempted a bouncing ball pass to only be blocked by Ricky.

Ricky caught the ball once Mark threw it to the ground and began to dribble it once more while sprinting to the opposing team’s key.

“Nice one!” Their coach cheered as Ricky passed the ball to Jake immediately who took the opportunity to shoot a 2-pointer, making it in, flawlessly.

Jake smiled in satisfaction while high-fiving his team members.

“Keep it up, Ricky. That was a good steal.” Heeseung said.

“Woah! Isn’t this cross-teaming?” Jisung was quick to address it in a teasing manner as they all laughed and waved it off.

“Okay, 2 points for the blue team! Red team, inbound.” Their coach instructed as they all followed through. They got into their positions, Jay guarding Heeseung, Eric guarding K, Jake guarding Jisung, and Ricky guarding Mark. Sohee stood outside of the out-of-bounds line while figuring out the many outcomes if he inbounded the basketball to a certain team member.

Eventually, the whistle blew as he threw it to Mark who managed to get free from Ricky’s guarding this time. He dribbled the ball to the other side of the court, stopping when needed. He then proceeded to turn without moving his pivot foot in an attempt to see who was free and who wasn’t.

His plan didn’t go as well as he’d thought it would due to the difference in their heights, causing him to sigh in frustration.

“Dude, I can’t see anything. You’re too tall.” He mumbled, making Ricky chuckle at his sudden confession.

“I get that a lot, actually,” Ricky said back as Mark rolled his eyes and passed the ball to his nearest teammate, Heeseung, who managed to run up towards him, leaving Jay behind.

Jay followed through and immediately began guarding Heeseung, there was no way he’d let his opponents get a point like that.

His eyes focused on the ball in Heeseung’s hand, watching its every movement. It kept a constant routine; dribble, hit Heeseung’s hand, and dribble again.

Jay then looked up at Heeseung, making eye contact with him. Heeseung looked away in search of his teammates as Jay followed his eyes. He’d grit his teeth in frustration, realizing that none of his team members were able to get free.

So, instead of passing the ball around, he went in. He’d dribble the ball while sprinting toward the opposing team’s net, performing a layup shot as Jay jumped up in hopes of blocking him and did so with force.

The ball goes dashing down to the ground, alerting the others who rushed to the ball. Ricky caught the ball, running his fastest to the opposite side of the court while Sohee chased after him. The two rose to the top of the net as Ricky reached up to tip the ball into the net but was abruptly interrupted by the sudden stinging of his wrist.

The whistle blew, gaining their attention as the two landed back onto the court, the ball dribbling away from them.

“Sohee, try to avoid fouling, okay?” Their coach said as Sohee nodded. They were all exhausted, breathing heavily as sweat droplets dribbled down their temples. 3 more points were needed.

Only three and the blue team would win. It shouldn’t be that hard, right?

Gladly, it wasn’t. The boys sighed out of exhaustion while taking their seats on the benches of their changing room.

“Nice play, guys. I’m sure we’ll do even better when we’re on the actual court.” Jay reassured them as they all smiled.

He got up from the bench and headed towards his assigned locker. He was ready to go home, especially after his long day of school. In a hurry, he removed the towel that rested around his neck, followed by his sweat-drenched t-shirt.

He then picked up the towel, dapping away at the sweat droplets that trickled from his jawline to his neck and around his collarbone, releasing a relaxed sigh.

“Yo, Jay,” called Mark as Jay looked over at the said boy.

“Hm?” He hummed, looking away afterwards.

“Are you free after school tomorrow?” Mark asked.

“I believe so. Why?” Jay replied while rummaging through his backpack for his necessities.

“I was wondering if you wanted to study together, then go out and play some video games. It's been a while since we last did so.” Mark explained while putting on his shoes.

"Sure, why not—”

“Which one of you did it?"

ACT THREE.

The sudden commotion made all their heads turn to its location. Most of them sighed and rolled their eyes at the sight as Jay stayed quiet. What was going on?

“Don’t you just love barging into our own private spaces?" K teased, approaching the doorway while buttoning up the last few buttons of his undershirt.

“I wonder if you guys also rehearse these moments in your drama meetings,” he started.

“Well, I mean, you are the club’s leader, right? I’m sure you’d know.” He said, but you remained silent and furious.

You never understand why your club members hated the basketball team in the first place. Yes, they were quite rowdy, but the same day your set pieces were broken, they lost their basketball. Which truly meant they couldn’t have been the cause of the incident, right?

Of course, that's what you believed, but the more you searched for the script for your club’s play, the more you doubted yourself. You felt enraged. There wasn’t anyone else who’d try to sabotage your club except for the basketball team. So you went to ask them for yourself.

You were already in a bad mood and didn’t want to put up with any of K’s antics, but he wasn’t helping. You didn’t care that you were currently facing a group of boys; some were shirtless while others sat on the benches, switching shoes or calming themselves down.

“What is it now?” K asked, resting on a row of lockers.

“Our script for our play is missing. Which one of you took it?” You’d ask again as Jay’s eyes slightly widened.

“Why would we take your club’s script? We have better things to focus on.” K said while crossing his arms.

He was a good liar—quite amazing, actually. Jay was surprised that K was able to lie easily without hesitating when it came to you. Maybe that was Jay’s own problem…

Eric minded his own business and continued to pack things into his backpack. He knew he’d slip up if he were to join in the argument, blowing their cover away.

Jay grabbed his tank top, slipping it on before his undershirt in an attempt to distract himself and drown out the conversation nearby. He gulped nervously and slipped his arms through the designated holes of his undershirt, glancing over at the two who argued.

“Once again, we didn’t steal anything. You guys are always accusing us of this.” K sighed, looking over at Jay, who looked away immediately.

“Right, Jay? We didn’t take anything.” K asked, causing Jay to stiffen.

He looked over at the two, making eye contact with you, then K. He signalled a look to Jay, hoping he understood its meaning. Jay was good at lying and could lie without hesitation, but how come he couldn’t do it with you?

“Yeah, we didn’t.” He managed to let out after hesitating many times before. Normally, after he told a lie, he didn’t feel any sort of way. He always found them as a way to save himself in certain situations, but he felt tremendously guilty telling a lie to you.

The two of you only exchanged a few words and a few moments of eye contact with each other, yet he felt like he was committing a crime. It was weird and confusing to him, at least.

“See, even proof from our captain. If that’s all you need, please shoo—or whatever you drama freaks say during your plays.” K said while pushing himself off the lockers and heading towards his backpack. You looked around the changing room, making eye contact with Jay once more, before leaving, still as enraged as when you first arrived.

Once you were out of the gymnasium, Jay rushed over to K with no hesitation.

“Dude? You know you took the script, so why did you lie?” He asked as K looked up at him.

“What do you mean, I took the script? You were with Eric and I, so it wasn’t only my doing.” He said back, making Jay frustrated.

He was so frustrated over nothing.

The other boys in the changing room turned their heads to look at where the voices were coming from.

“I tried to say no, but you guys made me go either way. I knew we’d get caught, yet you both insisted on doing so.” Jay’s words caused K’s eyebrows to rise slightly.

“Why the fuck are you so mad? You’re acting as if this is anything new. Plus, I’m not even the only one who lied, you did too.” He said, still confused as to why Jay was so mad, but began getting a little irritated at Jay’s sudden anger.

“Because you made me! Why would you put me in a spot like that in the first place? Like you said before, it wasn’t just me who was with you. Eric was there too, and still, you only called on me?” Jay asked while pointing at Eric and then at K.

K furrowed his brows. Jay was practically arguing with him for no reason, and it wasn’t making K feel any calmer.

“Bro, did someone piss in your cereal this morning or something? Why are you so mad over a simple incident that happens almost all the time?" K asked, as mad as Jay.

K stared into Jay’s eyes as he remained silent. Ricky took out an earbud, looking up at the sight of his team captain and one of their star players staring at each other in rage. He looked around the room, noticing that nobody said anything as all eyes were on the two from earlier.

“Woah, Jay, what’s up with you today?” Ricky asked while walking over to the two arguing boys. Jay was never one to pick arguments with friends, teammates, opponents, teachers, you name it. So, seeing this was not a regular sight.

Jay ignored Ricky, walked back to his locker to grab his belongings, and left the changing room while pushing past Ricky and K.

“What’s up with him? It’s almost like he’s against us and stands with the drama club.” K said while calming down.

“I doubt it,” Sohee said while tying his laces.

“It probably was pent-up stress from everything he had going on today. His schedule was pretty packed, so…” Heeseung added as the other boys nodded in agreement.

“Probably,” K said under his breath.

Even Jay hoped that was the reason. Ever since he laid eyes on you, he’s seen you practically everywhere; in the halls, the school’s garden, his dreams at night, during the day, and much more. At this rate, he couldn’t escape you at all.

As he made his way to the school entrance, the signup sheet caught his attention. School was out, and there was no one but his team members and you in the school. It wouldn’t hurt to at least attempt signing up before it was too late, right?

He approached the sign-up sheet while looking around the empty halls for any bystanders. There were already names written down on the sheet, and space was almost gone. He picked up the pen, going in to write his name in a tiny font, but was then startled by a distressed scream.

The scream didn’t scare Jay. What scared Jay was the fact that he was almost caught. He backed away from the signup sheet and looked down the hallway, revealing an angry you in the process. You looked up from your shoes, making eye contact with him as you glared.

He looked away, unsure of what to do or say, and speed-walked out of the school doors. There was no way their club leader, who was already mad enough, was going to catch Jay doing the unthinkable.

You rolled your eyes and made your way back to the clubroom to clean up the mess you made in search of the script. What were you going to tell your club members? You were supposed to proofread it today. Everything was planned, but the script suddenly missing ruined it all.

You’d sigh while running your fingers through your hair in frustration. Maybe you misplaced it somewhere, and maybe the basketball team was just misunderstood. It couldn’t be that hard to find.

You pulled out your phone and opened your reminders app. “Make an announcement about the missing script,” you mumbled as you typed away at your phone’s keyboard. You turned off your phone, slipping it back into your blazer’s pocket.

Hopefully, you can sleep this stress away.

Jay woke up in a sweat. His heart was racing as ragged breaths exited his lips. He sat up in an attempt to calm his breathing and racing heart. He’d glance at the bright light his phone emitted due to a new notification. The clock read 6:02 AM, way earlier than he normally wakes up.

He rubbed his eyes, knowing he wouldn’t be able to fall asleep after that ‘dream’ of his. He got out of bed, slipped into his slippers, and approached the door to his bathroom. It was still quite dark outside, which felt off.

Normally, Jay would be awake by 7:40 AM, around the time the sun would rise. He also rarely had nightmares, but last night was weird. He doesn’t know why he even considered this a nightmare. You two weren’t even close, yet seeing you fall for someone else scared him.

He felt jealous even when he had no reason to feel so. The bathroom light was brighter than usual, causing his eyes to have a harder time adjusting to the sudden brightness. He squinted while looking at himself in the mirror.

He sure looked like a mess.

He picked up his toothbrush, followed by his toothpaste, and squeezed a bit onto the rough bristles. He’d place his toothbrush in his mouth with a sigh as he continued to stare at himself through the mirror.

What has gotten into him? Even throughout his crushes at the start of his high school years, he didn’t feel like this at all. He’s only laid eyes on you a few times and barely exchanged words with you to be able to develop a crush. So, what were all these dreams—and nightmares—all about? He spat into the sink, staring at the running faucet as his grip tightened on the edge of the sink.

Maybe shooting some hoops would get his mind off of this, which explains why he was at school an hour earlier than usual.

He slipped off his backpack, placed it beside the net pole, and went to crack open a window to get rid of the humid feeling. He then grabbed the nearest basketball in the process. He made his way towards the free-throw line, dribbling the basketball on his way there.

Once he arrived, he spun the ball in his hands to get a better grip and focused his attention on the net before him. He positioned his arms, getting comfortable with the ball and the distance between him and the basketball hoop.

Suddenly, as he let the ball slip from his fingertips, his thoughts became filled with you. The sound of the basketball ricocheting off of the net’s rim brought him back to reality. For some reason, he couldn’t escape you.

Luckily, the ball made its way back to Jay’s feet, making his job way easier. He picked up the ball, discarding the thoughts from earlier as he prepared to shoot again. This time, he dribbled the ball a few times before letting it slip from his grip.

He watched as the ball bounced off the backboard and back into his hands. Usually, he doesn’t miss his shots like this, even if his mind is filled with many distracting things. Immediately after catching the ball, he let it loose again, missing completely.

Again, he immediately shot the ball after picking it up, but of course, he missed. And again, and again, and again, and again… He even tried doing different types of shots; a layup, a three-pointer, another free throw, a 1-pointer, and missed every single one of them.

He paused, holding the ball in his hands. He was exhausted. Panting from all the previous shots he attempted to only end up missing every 14 throws. He took a seat, sighing in disappointment. He was frustrated, very frustrated.

He pulled out his cell phone from his pocket, checking the time in the process. Only 20 minutes had gone by since he first arrived at the school’s gym meaning he had another 40 minutes to pass.

Well, that would be hard. He might as well try practicing again.

In all honesty, you didn’t mean to arrive at school this early. You woke up, panicking. Your alarm didn’t go off, and the clock on your wall read 8:05 AM. You were late—very late.

Or so you thought.

Once you hopped onto the bus, wondering if it could drive any faster, you pulled out your phone, checking the time once more, only to be disappointed.

It was 7:20 AM, not 8:20 AM. Screw you for not checking your phone when you first woke up.

You sighed and facepalmed in an attempt to contain your frustration. As the bus pulled up to your stop, you mentally scolded yourself while walking off, after thanking the bus driver, of course. In your defence, you were too busy worrying about the missing script for your club, distracting yourself from taking care of your own mind.

The more you thought about the script incident, the more you began to feel bad for your outburst on the basketball team. Your grip tightened on the straps of your backpack as you walked down the school’s halls in silence.

You had no clue where your feet were taking you, but with every step, you finally reached the gym doors. You hesitated. What if they weren’t in there? There could be a possibility that they had a morning practice, but there was a high chance they wouldn’t want to see you even more after yesterday’s incident.

You were ready to walk away, but your feet weren’t. You looked down at your shoes, waiting for one of them to take the first steps, because, for some reason, you couldn’t do it on your own. The sound of a basketball bouncing off the polished wooden floors echoed on your side of the door. You looked over at the blue doors in silence, debating if you should take the chance.

Suddenly, one thing happened and then another, leaving your mind confused. Your mind had no time to register what was happening, leaving your body to move on its own.

The sound of the basketball bouncing off the gym floor came to a stop as you realized what had just happened; you opened the doors to the gym without your knowledge.

You stared at the person who stood in the middle of the court, trying to pinpoint who it was. It was dark in the gymnasium, the only light being the rising sun that slightly seeped through the blocked windows.

ACT FOUR.

Jay looked at the entrance, just as confused as they were. He had no clue who was standing at the entrance and couldn’t see much due to the limited access to lighting.

“I…” You mumbled, removing your hand from the doorknob immediately.

“I, um, I’m sorry if I interrupted something.” You said, looking away.

“No, it’s fine…” Jay replied, clearly out of breath.

You looked back, genuinely curious to find out who it was and why they were alone, unaware that you were approaching the court. Their voice sounded familiar to you. It was as if you heard it quite a lot throughout an average school day.

“Did you need something?” Jay asked, dribbling the ball as they got closer to him.

“Not really,” you said as you began to walk around the court, trying your best to avoid the person before you.

He repositioned the ball in his hold, throwing it into the hoop once more.

“You seem like you do,” Jay said, causing their brows to furrow.

“How? You can’t even see me.” You joked, earning a small laugh from them.

“You know what I meant,” Jay replied, holding a smile while making his way to the rolling basketball. You two became silent; the only sound that filled the gymnasium was their shoes rubbing against the floor with the bouncing basketball noises to back it up.

You fiddled with your fingers as you watched their silhouette run up to the net, letting the ball roll off their fingers as it found its way into the hoop. Although you couldn’t see much, you were still impressed. The sunlight that seeped through the blinds shined on their features, flashing the vibrant blue hair colour and their fit build.

From this observation, you couldn’t hold back the question that slipped through your lips, “Do you play basketball?” You asked as they stopped moving.

“Yeah, I came early to shoot some hoops. I had to get my mind off of things.” Jay replied, dribbling the ball as he approached the three-point line.

He was satisfied with the shot he just took—he finally made it in. After the last 30 minutes he was there for, he finally got one of his many shots in. He smiled as he looked up from the line and turned around.

He faced the net, positioning the ball in his hands, hoping that whatever miracle happened a moment ago would happen again.

You watched from the bleachers, taking in every detail of their movements; they bent their knees and moved their arms as well as the ball in the process, eyes were focused on the net’s backboard, arms pulled back slightly, and suddenly, the ball was in the air.

The ball successfully went inside the hoop another time, and you began to clap in excitement. They turned around with what you hoped was a smile (and was) as you returned it. A sudden breeze from the slightly cracked opened window blew the blinds around, revealing the sunlight that was previously seeping through them as it shined on both of you.

“I’m sorry.” You blurted after realizing who you were speaking to. The leader of the basketball team—the main reason you came here.

The ball rolled to his feet as he stared back at you with wide eyes.

“What?” He asked, confused.

“I’m sorry. That’s what I originally came here for—to apologize.” You explained. You looked around and then checked the time on your phone.

“I have to go prepare for the club today, but I’m sorry for yesterday’s outburst.” You said, grabbing your stuff to leave.

Jay stood in silence, the ball still at his feet, and you were now gone. He was unsure as to what you were apologizing for but didn’t ask many questions. Yesterday’s outburst… That was all he needed to know.

He picked up the basketball, threw it into the hoop, and of course, it didn’t go in.

Why?

Because you still haven’t left his mind.

ACT FIVE.

Jay stared at the locker before him. It read the number 734.

K’s locker.

He gulped nervously, wondering if he’d regret doing this later.

If he got caught, would that continue to ruin the relationship between him and his teammates, or would doing this be beneficial and help him get into The Wizard of Oz?

Maybe the first option.

He looked around the empty halls, double-checking that he was alone. He gripped the hall pass in his left hand as he reached out for the lock with his right. He had to hurry. The excuse of ‘using the bathroom’ wouldn’t work for long until others started to think he had the runs.

Honestly, he didn’t know why he cared so much about your club. Yes, he liked drama, but he never cared for the club, mainly before he found out about their club leader—you.

Jay turned the wheel on the lock, following the same pattern K executed when unlocking his locker; pass 0 three times, then turn the wheel to your first number, 16. Spin counter-clockwise, passing the previous number twice, and arrive at your next number, 34. Lastly, turn the wheel to your final number, 4, and yank on the lock with the hope that you made no mistakes.

The code had all even numbers, and as weird as it was, the code suited K very well. On the court, he was very persistent and strategic, his plans always included all the teammates since all the roles evened out perfectly.

Jay opened the locker, scanning the hallways once more before reaching for in what he came here for, the play script. He shut the locker, and a loud slam echoed through the empty hallways, startling Jay at the same time.

Either he was just really nervous or the locker was truly loud.

He held the script close to his chest, letting his feet take him wherever. His plan only focused on retrieving the script, not what came after. Suddenly, he stood in front of the Drama clubroom, a wave of nostalgia washing over him.

He crouched down, unsure of what he should do next. Should he slip the script from underneath or between the cracks of the door? Jay looked at the thickness of the script and shook his head. There was no way it’d fit in between.

So, he went with plan A, slipping it from underneath the door. He used his index fingers to slip the script in slowly, hoping it wouldn’t disturb anyone on the other side—not that he wanted anyone there. He’d hate that.

He was so focused on being quiet that he didn’t take note of the footsteps behind him.

“Park Jongseong.” The voice was deep and very familiar. A hall monitor—Seungcheol. He was the only person who called Jay by his government name, the one on his student files. Jay froze in panic and slowly turned around.

“Hey…” He greeted, cautiously. Luckily for him, Seungcheol stood quite far from his spot on the ground. Jay rose, hiding the script behind him.

“What are you doing out of class?” He asked, searching his hidden hands for a hall pass.

“I was excused,” Jay began but paused.

“For?” Seungcheol asked, but Jay remained silent. His mouth opened and closed, like a fish out of water, as he thought of his next words. He couldn’t lie and say he was excused to use the bathroom, right? How would that explain why he was currently standing in front of the Drama clubroom anyway?

He stared at Seungcheol as Seungcheol stared back. “Jongseong, what are you doing out of class?” He asked once again, but Jay still didn’t have an answer. How could he lie in a situation like this?

Yes, he was good at lying, but not under pressure.

In silence, Jay’s eyes shifted over to a spot behind Seungcheol.

“What is that?” He asked with genuinely concerned eyes. Seungcheol turned around, worried, while Jay took it as a sign to proceed with his plan.

He let go of the script, letting it fall to the floor and kicked it with his heel, causing it to slide under the door completely from the impact. Perfect.

“What are we looking at?” Seungcheol asked, turning around to face Jay who smiled at him.

“Ah, I must’ve been mistaken.” He apologized, rubbing at the back of his neck sheepishly.

“I’m sorry.” He added, completing the apology. “I should head back to class now, shouldn’t I?” Jay said to a confused Seungcheol.

“See you later.” Jay waved goodbye, walking past the hall monitor and in the opposite direction his class was located.

Seungcheol was suspicious of him, but there wasn’t much he could do. He was aware of Jay’s reputation as the boys’ basketball team leader. But he was also aware of the rivalry between the team and the Drama club.

Maybe he shouldn’t question much of it, right?

Seungcheol sighed and rubbed at his temples in an attempt to soothe away these useless thoughts, which, spoiler alert, did work.

Jay quickly turned into a random corridor in the hallway he walked in, exhaling a heavy breath. One he held in and wasn’t aware of. His hand rested on the wall beside him as his eyes closed. Why was he nervous? He never was when lying.

It was scary knowing how much of an effect you had on him.

“Excuse me.” A voice called. He opened one of his eyes, glancing at the figure before him, and flinched once he recognized them. He straightened up immediately and cleared his throat. He stared into their eyes as they stared back into his eyes in silence.

“You’re in my way…” You said, hoping that would help his clueless self.

“Oh, right.” He blurted and moved out of your way. Before leaving, you gave him an awkward smile, still not over this morning’s incident.

Both of you weren’t. It wasn’t something to worry about too, but for some reason, you both did. It was weird.

Jay’s thoughts were clouded with the conversations from this morning. If only he had known you were the one talking to him, just maybe he would’ve purposely tried harder on his shots. And if you were lucky enough, you could’ve seen his trick shots. But instead, he held back. It was only a warmup, after all.

“Jay,” you called, making his stomach twist and turn. Why did your voice saying his name have such an effect on him? He had no clue either.

“Jay.” You called again, turning around to stare at him.

Either he was dreaming or going crazy, there was no way you’d say his name a second time while staring into his eyes. What was going to happen next? Perhaps something more?

“Could you let go?” You asked, shaking your hand to avert his attention from the movement.

“Oh,” Jay whispered.

Oh.

Jay let go of your hand, looking away while doing so. He was embarrassed. Very embarrassed. He glanced at you for a split moment, catching the same awkward smile you sent him before.

Great, he embarrassed himself badly.

You walked away, continuing your route from before, leaving Jay behind. Once you were out of his sight, he gripped at his scalp, pulling at his blue strands. Why did he do that? He had no clue. He wasn’t even aware of his sudden action.

Was it because of his so-called nightmare from last night? None of this made sense.

Especially the way Jay’s heart raced while butterflies danced in his stomach.

What the hell was happening to him?

“Is he okay?” Sohee asked from the other side of the court.

“I have no clue,” Mark replied, staring at their team captain alongside Sohee.

“Our game is tomorrow, how the hell is he going to play in this condition?” K exclaimed to the two boys.

“Hey, Jay!” K shouted, heading the boy's way. Mark and Sohee’s eyes widened at the sight, already imagining what would go down.

The two argued only a day ago and never made up—or at least that’s what their teammates thought—this would only escalate to something worse than the locker room incident.

Mark and Sohee ran after K in hopes of stopping him, but instead, K pushed them off of him. They failed miserably.

Jay looked up at K in silence. His fingers pinched at the palm of his right hand out of habit. His mind was elsewhere, not focused on the practice he attended.

He missed all his practice shots and game shots, constantly fouled, and played terribly overall. It was hard to watch.

“What’s wrong with you today—fuck that, what’s wrong with you lately?” K asked, staring down at Jay.

“What are you on about?” Jay asked cluelessly.

He knew exactly what K was referring to. But he couldn’t answer because he had no clue himself. His mind was so full of you that he couldn’t even comprehend what their coach was explaining today.

“What am I on about? Dude, you’re missing all your shots, fouling us like crazy, and even tripping over the ball! This is basketball, not soccer!” K explained, his anger slowly getting to him. He was frustrated.

Very frustrated.

“I don’t know either,” Jay said. He wasn’t lying, it was the full truth.

“Well, figure it out and straighten up. Our game is tomorrow, we can’t lose the second last game of the season.” K warned in a stern tone. It was almost as if he was the team leader instead of Jay.

“I’ll try,” Jay mumbled, turning away to the locker room. “You’ll try?” K asked, even more frustrated at his response.

“How are you going to try on the court if you can’t even try at practice?!” K exclaimed.

“I don’t know. I’ll figure it out,” Jay said with a sigh. He was tired, so tired. He went through enough today, and dealing with K’s frustration wasn’t on his to-do list.

He walked away, making his way to the locker room. K’s footsteps approached him from behind. They were harsh and loud. Every single one almost sounded like a full stop in a sentence.

“Hey!” K shouted, forcefully turning Jay around by his shoulder. They stared into each other’s eyes, K searching Jay’s for whatever he yearned for while Jay just stared.

He wasn’t looking for anything, all of K’s emotions were prominent on their own; anger, frustration, and a hint of sadness.

“You’ve been acting weird lately. First, you get all defensive about the script stealing, then you get all mad that we lied to Y/N about stealing the script.” K paused.

“Are you betraying us right now?” He asked, causing Jay’s brows to furrow. At this point, all eyes were on them. Their coach went to grab some cleaning supplies for the basketballs from his office but hasn’t returned since. He always misses arguments.

“Betraying you?” Jay was confused. “What does any of that have to do with me ‘betraying’ you guys?” Jay asked the boy in front of him.

“Why do you care for the Drama club so much? You’re aware of our hatred for them, aren’t you?” K’s words hit like an arrow.

“Jay, be honest, have you ever hated them?” K asked, causing Jay to stiffen. It was obvious he stiffened, even K noticed it. K scoffed at the sight, looking away for a moment.

“You can’t be serious. Those stuck-up brats blamed us for something we didn’t even do, yet you’re fine with them?” K said, and Jay opened his mouth to reply but was silenced by K’s voice.

"Kazuha, that annoying little girl and Y/N’s snotty little attitude—”

“Her attitude isn’t snotty.” Jay sternly interrupted K’s sentence.

“Why should you care if it is or not? She and her minions know how to do nothing but accuse and insult.” K insulted, rolling his eyes at the memories.

“They’re terrible people, especially Jungwon and Y/N—”

Jay’s hand bunched up K’s collar, silencing him immediately. K was shocked by Jay’s sudden movements but regained his composure soon after.

The two stared into each other’s eyes again, Jay’s showcasing his anger as K’s did the same. Eric rushed over before things could escalate, forcing Jay’s hand off of K’s collar.

“You need to chill out. Honestly, I don’t know what has gotten into you or what you’re going through right now, but please, talk it out with someone. Or even better, talk it out with us.” Eric suggested, but Jay ignored him and walked off into the locker room as K fixed his top.

K’s eyes narrowed while his brows furrowed. He hated the look in Jay’s eyes just now. It was something he had never seen before.

Truly, what the hell was wrong with him? Jay still couldn’t answer.

ACT SIX.

The sound of the tap water running echoed throughout Jay’s washroom. He stood there in silence, watching how it pooled up in the sink and then disappeared as his grip tightened on the ledge.

“Mom says if you’re going to use the water, use it. It’s been running for the last 20 minutes. It can’t possibly take you that long to wash up.” A knock and a voice emitted from the doorway, causing Jay to look over, revealing the sight of his younger sister, Songyee.

“Okay,” Jay said, turning off the tap water as Songyee left. He grabbed a towel nearby to dry his drenched face, water droplets dripping down from his chin and onto the marble counters.

The footsteps on the staircase caught his attention as he looked over at the door once more. “Songyee!” He exclaimed, calling her back to the washroom. She sighed and made her way over, resting on the doorframe once she arrived.

“What?” She asked, waiting for Jay to speak.

“Would you do something your friends wouldn’t be happy with?” He asked, hoping she would give a proper answer, but instead, her brows furrowed. She relaxed after a few moments of silence and crossed her arms.

“Depends,” she said, her words slipping out as a sigh. Jay looked at her, confused, waiting for her to elaborate.

Depends? That was not what he wanted to hear.

“I would, of course, tell them. They should be mad after you tell them, instead of them being mad after finding out you kept it a secret.” She emphasized, causing Jay to pause his movements.

He brought the towel away from his face and stared at himself in the mirror. His sister’s words replayed in his head, with a bigger emphasis on the word secret. He was good at keeping secrets. Maybe that was a problem.

“Songyee,” he started as she hummed in response.

“What if I quit the team?” He asked, his words startling her.

“Are you crazy?! Jongseong, this is literally an opportunity for your scholarship. It’s an easier way out than Mom and Dad paying for your tuition fee.” She shouted while Jay hung up the towel again, slightly tensing at the use of his government name.

“There’s two more games and the season’s done. All you have to do is win them both. Why are you thinking about this? What has gotten into you?” She asked, genuinely concerned.

“I don’t know. Okay? I don’t know!” He said in a harsh tone. Songyee was taken aback by his sudden harsh tone. What did she say to trigger something within him?

“Everyone keeps asking me the same question. How am I supposed to answer if I don’t know myself?” He asked with the same harsh tone, looking straight at her.

His eyes stared into her wide ones as he came back to his senses. He cursed under his breath, looking away.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “I didn’t mean to take it out on you.” He added, running his fingers through his blue strands.

“It’s okay,” Songyee whispered. “Sleep well, okay? Whatever you’re stressing over, don’t think about it too much. Take my advice when you can.” She said, followed by a quiet goodnight, and left the doorway.

Jay was tired. He was tired of how he reacted to K’s words, your presence, and his sister’s question. He had a game tomorrow, that’s truly all he had to focus on.

The second last game of the season. All he had to do was quickly sign up for the play and rush over to the gymnasium to prepare for his game.

Easy, right?

He turned off the bathroom light and headed to his room. He could finalize his plan in the morning because he was too tired to think logically right now. He turned off the lights in his bedroom and made his way to his bed.

His eyes fell shut as he drifted off to dreamland. Hopefully, he can have a good rest.

His alarm woke him up, the bright light read 6:45 AM. He rubbed his eyes while turning it off. You could say he had a somewhat good sleep.

The whole time, while Jay got ready, he recited his plan; arrive at school on time, during lunch he’ll sign up for the play and take note of the audition day, then head to his basketball match after school. Those were only the main points of his day, even if attending class was always included in his plans, it was never mentioned.

He got off the bus after thanking the driver and walked towards the entrance of Decelis.

If he was being honest, there was a slight awkward tension between him and Songyee during breakfast, but he didn’t pay much attention to it as she did the same, focusing on eating their meal.

He adjusted the straps of his backpack, blending in with the many other students who walked into the school. His eyes glanced at the pillar the audition sheet hung on, smiling. His plan would definitely work.

He’d look back in front of him, pausing abruptly. “Oh, sorry,” he apologized at the sudden collision.

“It’s okay,” you replied, causing Jay’s eyes to widen.

“Also, I apologize to your team once again. We found the play script, I guess someone returned it.” You said, smiling at the memory.

“Other than that, good luck on your game today.” Your smile grew as you waved at him and walked away.

To be honest, his heart was racing. He had no clue why. You were just doing the bare minimum, yet he was going crazy. He shook his head, inhaling and exhaling to calm his racing heart.

In the process, he looked down the crowded halls, making eye contact with a familiar boy, K. Usually, they’d be alongside him while walking down the hallways, but their group chat was quiet all evening and morning. They couldn’t plan their daily meetup in this condition.

K rested his back on his locker with his backpack swung over one shoulder—his signature look. Eric’s lips moved while staring at K. He was most likely rambling about an incident in the video game he played the night before. It was something he did often. The morning wouldn’t feel complete if he didn’t.

K rolled his eyes, scoffing, once Jay looked over at the two.

“Let’s go,” K said as Eric nodded, confused, but didn’t think much about it. He continued rambling about the video game as they made their way to class.

Jay sighed, regretting yesterday’s argument. It was obvious K was still mad at him for it. Was Jay really betraying his teammates over a play? He had no clue.

He shrugged it off, making his way to his first-period class that he shared with the two boys. English. Good luck to him, for sure.

Throughout all of his morning classes, Jay anxiously bounced his leg. He was impatient, wanting lunch to arrive faster.

English was quite awkward, mainly due to the seating plans; K sat behind Jay, who sat in the middle, and Eric sat in front of him. It was something they begged their teacher to do so they could talk whenever, but today wasn’t the case.

Eric even got up from his seat, sitting beside K, to chat with him and him alone. There were even moments when K would call Eric’s name from behind Jay, causing them to talk with Jay sitting in the middle.

It was very awkward, but he managed to deal with it for a whole hour and 15 minutes.

He waited until the end of lunch so the hallways could clear up a bit more before cautiously making his way to the signup sheet. He threw on his hood from the hoodie under his blazer, tying the strings to shield his blue hair.

Nobody could notice him at this rate.

He slowly reached out for the pen that hung on a thread, ready to write his name as small as possible in the corner.

“Jay?” Someone called from behind him as he stiffened. Their voice sounded too familiar.

Fuck. This wasn’t supposed to happen. How did they even recognize him with his hood like this?

“Oh, it is you.” Their voice said, their head peeking around his shoulder. Jay looked away, quickly dropping his hand to his side.

“What are you doing here?” They asked, but Jay stayed silent. What the hell was he supposed to say?

“I was just wondering who signed up…” He whispered, still loud enough for them to hear.

“Why? Doesn’t your team hate us?” They asked.

Us?

“Don’t tell me they sent you here to scribble all over the names or something.” Their tone was quite harsh as Jay shook his head. He turned his head to look at the person beside him, regretting his choice immediately.

It was you. No wonder your voice sounded familiar to him.

“Then what are you doing here?” You asked.

“I said I was just wondering who signed up.”

You hummed in response, reaching out your arms to the list of names. Jay backed up slightly, giving you more space.

“Wait, how did you even know it was me?” He asked, words coming out of his mouth without him knowing.

“Your blazer has your initials on it on the back... The whole basketball team has that feature, did you forget?” You said while skimming through the list of names.

Right, he did. He removed his hood, embarrassed.

The disguise was useless. She still could’ve thought he was Jisung, but that wouldn’t have worked. They purposely made Jay’s blazer read ‘PJY’ so they could tell each other apart.

Jay sighed, ruffling his messy hair with his hand. The bell went, catching both of your attention.

“Oh. I gotta go.” You said, waving goodbye at him as he did the same. He walked away from the pillar, heading to his next class.

His plan failed, but there was still another chance after school. Yes, it’ll mess up the plan he made this morning, but it should work.

Hopefully.

It was 2:45 PM. Jay was finally excused from class for his game in the gymnasium, but that’s not where he headed. He rushed over to the pillar upfront, hoping that the signup sheet was still there. It should be.

He watched you place it back before leaving, right? Or was that a hallucination? He couldn’t remember.

Once he arrived, his questions were answered. It was definitely a hallucination because the list of names wasn’t there.

Shit, what should he do? Either he headed to the gymnasium for his warmup and was on time, or he rushed over to the auditorium with the hope he could still participate.

Of course, he went with the second option. The school’s gymnasium was the last place he wanted to be. He rushed over to the auditorium, his duffel bag moving with his rushed footsteps. He pushed open the doors, walking through the hallway.

It was quiet. Too quiet. How late was he?

He caught his breath, scanning the auditorium for any signs.

“What are you doing here?” Jay turned around at the sound of a voice. Nakamura Kazuha, but this time she was disgusted.

“Are you here to sabotage our auditions now? Too bad, you’re too late.” She said, her words hitting Jay like a bullet.

Does he know how that feels? Nope, but it was a good word to use.

“Leave him alone, Zuha.” Another voice spoke, causing the two to face the entrance as you walked in.

“What are you doing here?” You asked Jay in a much nicer tone, a smile making its way to your face.

His face felt warm as the butterflies in his stomach moved to the beat of his heart—fast.

“Are you here to audition?” You asked as Kazuha’s eyes widened.

“Don’t you dare say yes, you fool—"

“Zuha.” You sternly called her name, silencing her.

“Well,” Jay started. This was his only chance, he couldn’t miss out on it. If he chickened out on admitting his true feelings once again, he knew he would regret it the moment he went home.

You never know what could happen after he admitted his true emotions. The words that were normally caught in his throat making it almost impossible to breathe finally escaped his lips.

"Yeah," Jay said, straightening up.

The heavy weight on his shoulders was lifted as Kazuha’s eyes widened, and yours did too, but you regained your composure quickly.

“I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that. But auditions are over.” You explained, searching Jay’s eyes for any change in emotion.

Was he being genuine, or was this a dare from his teammates?

“Oh,” Jay mumbled.

Great. His plan was ruined, and he was going to be late for his game.

Was God ever on his side at this point?

He gave the two girls a slight smile, saying his goodbyes.

"Good luck on your game,” you whispered, and he nodded. He left the auditorium, checking his watch while doing so.

It was 2:55 PM. Their game started at 3:00 PM. His teammates would definitely be mad at him. He rushed over to the gymnasium, out of breath once again. He was lucky the auditorium and gymnasium were near each other, leaving him with 3 minutes to change.

He didn’t even get to warm up.

He rushed into the locker room, being met with his angered teammates, especially K.

“Where were you? Weren’t you excused at 2:45 PM? Why didn’t you come here like everyone else?” K asked, following Jay to his locker.

“I’m sorry,” Jay apologized, placing his duffel bag on the bench in front of his locker. He removed his shirt, throwing it into his locker while rummaging around in his bag for his uniform.

“The fuck is an apology going to do? There’s 2 minutes left until our game starts. Hell, it would’ve been worse if everyone had to wait even longer for you.” K said as Jay slipped on his jersey.

Luckily for him, he wore his shorts underneath his uniform pants, slipping them off in haste.

“Well, I’m here now, aren’t I? Stop complaining,” Jay replied, annoyed at K’s words.

“You’re a terrible leader.” K spat, walking out of the locker room and pushing past the teammates who blocked the doorway, leaving the awkward and intense atmosphere behind.

He made his way to the team’s bench, taking his seat immediately.

“Is Jay here?” Their coach asked K.

“That asshole excuse of a leader? Yeah, he is.” K insulted, eyes still on the court.

“Watch your mouth.” Their coach warned as K rolled his eyes.

Right now, he didn’t care how harsh his words might’ve been. It felt like Jay was neglecting the team even while being their leader. He should be someone the team could rely on, and he was. But recently, he wasn’t. The team was all over the place, it was obvious they weren’t ready for today’s game.

The rest of the team members made their way out of the locker room, joining K on the bench.

“Starters for today’s match are K, Jay, Heeseung, Mark, and Eric.” Their coach explained, flipping through the sheets in his hand.

“You all know your positions, right?”

The group of boys nodded, some stretching in the process.

“Okay, go out there. Play hard.” He said with a smile.

The five boys made their way onto the court, taking their places, with K in the center like always.

“Focus,” K said to everyone, turning his head to Jay, who stood beside him.

“Especially you.” He said, glaring at him.

That was Jay’s line. He usually told the team to focus, then turned his head at one of their teammates, saying those exact words in a teasing manner. But the only difference with K’s words was that he wasn’t teasing Jay.

He was being serious.

As much as Jay wanted to respond to his words, he kept quiet, looking away from K.

“One member from each time, please step forward for tip-off.” One of the referees said, holding a ball with his unstretched arm in the middle of the court. K made his way to the center, meeting the opposing team member who was sent for tip-off as well.

They both glared at each other, getting into their defensive positions. The referee stretched his arm up, catching K and the opponent’s attention as they both looked up. He blew his whistle, throwing up the ball as the two boys jumped up towards it.

K tipped it over towards his teammates as Mark went after the ball. He dribbled, scoping the scenery while his guard made his way over. He’d pass the ball over to Heeseung, who ran across the court to the opposing team’s net.

Heeseung paused after catching the ball, shooting it into the net, and of course, he made it in, erupting cheers from the crowd.

2 down, and many more to go.

ACT SEVEN.

It’s honestly been a while since the match started. Decelis was doing great at the beginning until Jay touched the ball.

As much as it hurt to admit, he was ruining the momentum of the team. He fumbled with his dribbles, making it easier to steal the ball from him, missed his shots terribly, and even threw the ball at the referee.

He was embarrassing himself so badly.

The whistle blew, catching the players' attention. Jay was out of breath, using the bottom of his jersey to dab at the sweat line on his forehead.

“Time,” their coach said, calling the boys over.

“Dude, can you focus?” K said, walking beside Jay.

“I’m focusing,” Jay replied, lying straight through his teeth.

He’s been seeing you too much lately. You two were on proper terms to at least talk with each other, but that was worse for Jay.

Whatever he was feeling only got worse.

“You and I both know you’re not,” K said as they reached the team bench. Jay picked up a clean, folded towel, using it to dab at the rest of his sweat.

“What’s up with you and the Drama club leader?” K asked, wanting an answer.

“Nothing is going on between us,” Jay said, hesitating for a few moments.

“Yeah right,” K scoffed, looking away.

“Stop arguing.” Their coach said as the two stopped talking.

“Jay, I don't think you’re in a good condition to play.” He said, gaining Jay’s attention.

Those on the bench and those around him knew what was coming next, yet they were still shocked. They couldn’t believe their team leader and one of their star players were about to go through this.

“I’m sitting you out for the rest of the match.” He said, causing Jay’s eyes to widen.

“What?” He asked, confused. Genuinely confused.

“You’re messing up the team’s chemistry. We can’t have that happening right now.” Their coach explained and turned to call over the referee.

He explained to the referee that he was subbing out #1, Jay, for #19, Jisung. Switching out one PJ for another PJ.

What a classic move.

If the school’s newspaper club saw this, he only wondered what their headline would be; Decelis boys basketball team leader Park Jay, who’s also known as one of their star players, was benched during the second last game of the season?

He’d take that to his grave.

Jay took his seat on the bench in shame. This may be for the better. Who knows? Hell, he did.

Watching the team play without him was something he hated. And as much as he didn’t want to admit it, they were doing way better with Jisung.

There was no awkward tension between the members, they all got along while smiling if someone stole some points and comforting each other if one of them made a mistake.

Just by the looks of it, this was definitely for the better. Maybe he was right. Maybe the team is better without him.

They don’t need a silly little captain like him to lead them around to do well, it was obvious they were good on their own.

What if his thought from last night was more than a thought? What if it was the truth? Should he really quit the team for the better? They probably all hated him at this point, especially K.

Someone who used to always be by his side hated the thought of having to stand in the same room as him—Jay’s words, not K’s.

His eyes became a light shade of red, he wanted to cry. Could he cry? Of course not, that was too embarrassing, especially with how many people were near him at the moment.

However, he did it. Warm tears fell onto his hand, which rested on his knee. He was good at holding them in for the whole week, so why did he fail to do so just now?

How come something so stupid like this happened to be what triggered his tears? Why didn’t any of the arguments with K do anything either?

It was so obvious that he had no clue. He had too many questions to find answers to, yet he couldn’t.

He couldn’t do anything recently, it was terrible. He couldn’t play basketball properly, he couldn’t sign up for the play, he couldn’t express his feelings, he couldn’t hang out with those he loved most, and he couldn’t understand why he cared so much for you.

He couldn’t understand why you were always on his mind 24/7. He couldn’t understand why his heart raced while the butterflies in his stomach swayed at the sound of your name.

Nothing made sense to him, and he hated that. He raised his hand, wiping at the tears before they became too much for him.

Jay sat at the edge of the team bench, far away from his teammates. Did he even have the right to call them teammates in the first place? Did they see him as a teammate?

He felt as though he didn’t deserve to be in the same room as them at all. He was a terrible person. Someone who was afraid to admit a stupid secret to his friends because he was afraid they’d turn their backs on him.

If he told them at the start that he didn’t hate the Drama Club and actually found them cool, then he wouldn’t have been here. It was his fault for worrying about what people would think of him.

It was his biggest flaw.

He wiped at his tears, now using the towel from earlier, hoping it was enough, and luckily, it was. The thing is, was he really crying over the incident with the team, or was he crying over you?

He still had no clue.

ACT EIGHT.

After yesterday’s game, Jay went straight into the locker room to grab his stuff and leave. He didn’t stay for the celebration portion nor did he congratulate the team.

He just left.

Even during P.E. class, Jay didn’t talk to Sohee. He felt like he had no right to, even if Sohee didn’t hate him. He still felt guilty. They almost lost the first quarter because of him.

Once he arrived in P.E. class, their teacher announced that they would be going on a hike for marks—something about getting a chance to boost your grade if you were failing.

He had a 97 in this class, what was the point of him participating? He shrugged it off, deciding it would be a good way to ease his mind for a bit.

A great distraction.

As he climbed the hill, he thought to himself. Did he really change like everyone said he did? Was he a terrible leader? Did he still have his normal calm aura? Was he still serious when he was on the court? Did he possibly fall in love with you? Were you the cause of his problems?

He exhaled and continued his walk up the hill, wondering if he’d ever find an answer.

“Jay!”

He turned around to the sound of his name, revealing the crowd before him. All his classmates, including Sohee, stood in a circle as their teacher faced Jay’s way.

He motioned for Jay to come over, and he did. His eyes widened at the scene, worry washing over him almost immediately.

“You’re passing the class the most. So, don’t worry about this mark. But, can you take her to a nearby bench?” His teacher asked, signalling at your injured figure.

Jay looked down at you as you looked up, making eye contact with him. Your hands gripped onto your ankle, questioning why it hurt so much.

“Okay.” That was all Jay said before walking through the crowd and crouching down in front of you.

He wondered if he truly had the highest grade in his class. So many other students could’ve done his job, but his teacher picked him.

He was thankful that he did. It gives him more of an excuse to be close to you.

In silence, you got on his back, wrapping your arms loosely around his neck. He stood up, pushing you up to adjust your position on his back.

“Alright, thank you, Jay.” His teacher said as Jay smiled.

“Everyone else, let’s continue.” Their teacher led the other students to the route.

Jay watched them all walk past, making eye contact with Sohee, Jay’s smile faltering. Sohee looked like he wanted to say something, but he remained silent. Sohee looked away, jogging after the group of students, as Jay sighed.

He pushed the scene back in his mind, proceeding with his more important task, bringing you to a nearby bench.

He followed his class, hoping one was ahead because he didn’t want to go downhill.

“You can grip tighter, you know?” He said, hinting at your loose arms.

“I don’t want to choke you or anything.” You replied, refusing to do so.

“You won’t though, don’t worry.” He said while stepping over a tree branch. Is this how you injured yourself?

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure.”

You followed through with his request, tightening your arms a bit more around his neck. You were quite embarrassed to be in a position like this one, hiding your face in his neck.

For some reason, you suddenly forgot about the aching pain in your ankle. All you cared about was the warmth of Jay’s back, how he delicately held onto your legs and the strong but easing scent of his detergent and cologne.

Due to how close you two are currently, you prayed that he couldn’t hear your racing heart. It raced just like that time you saw him in the gymnasium.

You weren’t sure what caught your attention—his blue hair or the way his eyes glistened in the distance due to the sunrise.

Or was the first time you felt this way when you met him on the first day of school in sophomore year? You doubt he would remember your first interaction with each other—just a quick collision that caused you to drop your belongings.

He was with his teammates, K and Eric who sent you glares, but was still nice enough to help you pick up the fallen items. It was the bare minimum, so how come you felt that way?

“We’re here,” Jay said, bringing you out of your thoughts. He turned around, crouching down in front of the bench. You took it as a sign to slip off his back, taking a seat on the wooden park bench behind you.

“What happened?” Jay asked, wondering how you injured yourself. You looked down at him, grip tightening on the edge of the bench. After a questionable amount of silence went by, he looked up at you, questioning your silence.

“Oh,” you said.

“I rolled my ankle on a root in the ground. I couldn’t walk afterwards because it hurt so bad, but I didn’t know why.” You explained, hoping it was enough.

He tapped on your shoe, silently asking for consent as you nodded. He looked back down at your shoe, removing it gently.

“Either you sprained your ankle or you just needed a break.” He said as he put your shoe to the side. He took your covered foot into his hold, slowly moving it around.

“Does this hurt?”

“No.”

“That’s good.” He said, chuckling softly with a smile. Once again, butterflies spawned in your stomach, your face became warm, and your heart began to race.

You could listen to him laugh and watch him smile for days.

“Jay,” you called as he hummed in response. You hesitated to ask your question. He looked up, questioning your silence.

“What’s wrong?” He asked with worried eyes.

“Do you really want to audition? It wasn’t a dare from your teammates, right?” You asked, staring straight into his eyes, searching them for any emotions they might’ve held. Jay’s movements paused on your foot as he stared back at you in silence.

“I do,” Jay began.

“I really do, seriously.” He said, looking back down at your foot.

“I just, can’t bring myself to do so…you know, my team hates you guys and your club hates us. It’ll feel like I’m betraying my team and our bond is already as broken as it is…” He explained, still softly toying with your foot.

You were distracted by his words, unprepared for the sudden shock of pain, causing you to wince quite loudly. Jay abruptly stopped his movements, looking straight at you with worried eyes.

“Did that hurt? I’m sorry.” He said worriedly, removing his hands from your foot and you raised your hand, waving it off immediately.

“It wasn’t your fault. I was just unprepared, sorry.” You apologized in an attempt to calm him down.

“But, what do you mean your bond is already broken as it is?” You quoted him, hoping it wasn’t invading his privacy.

“Oh,” he whispered, placing his hands back on your foot. He didn’t know how he should explain it, a lot happened anyway.

“Well, K and I have been arguing a lot recently… I also feel really guilty about making them almost lose the first quarter of yesterday’s game.” He explained, looking at the dirt on the ground.

“I even thought about leaving the team at some point. Everything is too much for me to handle right now. My mind isn’t in its right state, you know?” He said with a soft chuckle and smile.

You were very much aware of how serious this conversation was, truly. But, god you couldn’t stop looking at the way his dimple appeared once he smiled, the way his soft and gentle hands held your foot as if it was a piece of glass that would break at any sudden movements, the way he softly chuckled, and the sincerity behind all his words.

You knew exactly what he was talking about, you’ve been there before too. Losing a play’s script was something that you feared most. It would prove how irresponsible you were as the club leader—a title you thought you didn’t deserve in that moment.

You were thrilled after finding it once again but still worried for a moment like that to repeat. You had to be prepared, you couldn’t let your guard down.

“Me too.” You said, biting your bottom lip in hesitation. Should you be admitting to one of your most embarrassing flaws right now? Not to mention it was to someone you only spoke with recently.

It was weird.

You felt oddly close to Jay. Even if you had a few—many accidental encounters with each other, they only proceeded to build a bond you didn’t know you two had. You hoped he felt the same.

“I’ve second-guessed myself being the club leader many times. Whenever I was stressed about something and couldn’t get the club’s tasks done on time, couldn’t keep the smiles on my club members bright, and when I lost the play’s script.” You explained, causing Jay to stiffen.

It was almost like hearing the words ‘play’s script’ could flip off a switch in his body, making him malfunction. He knew he wasn’t fully in the wrong for that situation but still felt guilty.

“It was something I feared most. I hate making mistakes and losing the only copy of the play’s script made me realize how unorganized I can be. It was my fault, really, I should’ve kept it somewhere I would remember.” You elaborated.

He nodded, tight-lipped and stiffer than ever. Of course, eventually, he would have to come clean. He didn’t know how you would react to the news though, not wanting to ruin whatever bond you two had built so far. Maybe it was better this way. He was good at keeping secrets anyway, right?

“I think you should be good for a bit. Try and see if you can walk on it now.” He said while slowly slipping on your shoe.

“If it still hurts, don’t worry, I can carry you down the whole way.” He reassured you as you nodded.

Hey, if this was his only chance to be this close to you, of course, he was going to take it and use it to his extent.

Surely, you might’ve been on the same page as him, staggering over your feet after rising from your seat on the bench. Your ankle was perfectly fine, but your heart wasn’t. You didn’t want this moment to end. It was obvious you wouldn’t get another chance like this one, so, why not put up a lie to keep it going?

“I don’t think I can…” You winced, putting your acting skills to use. You weren’t the Drama Club leader for nothing. You ‘attempted’ another step, stumbling over your feet once again. Jay was quick to grab you by your arm before you had the chance to ‘fall’.

“That’s okay,” he said, secretly cheering internally. He guided you back to the bench, letting you take a seat before crouching in front of you, silently signalling for you to hop on. You bit back your smile, also cheering internally.

You were very glad that your acting worked.

You got onto his back, wrapping your arms around him the same as before. The warmth of his back engulfed your slightly cold figure as the comforting tang of detergent and his cologne filled your nostrils. You smiled, placing your chin on Jay’s shoulder. You wanted this moment to last forever and he did too.

“Hey,” you said, gaining his attention. He hummed in response, too focused on climbing the hill to catch up to the rest of your classmates.

“You said you wanted to audition, right? I don’t think you’ll be able to get a major role since it’s quite late. But, I’m sure you can become a substitute in case someone can't make it.” You explained, hoping it wasn’t too much information for him to comprehend.

He nodded, unsure of what you really said. All he could focus on was the bumpy trail ahead of him and how close your voice was to his ear. He felt his face warm up as he cleared his throat, trying to forget about the feeling.

“If you want, we could—I mean, I could help you rehearse before the final play?” You asked. An odd silence fell between you two as you bit your bottom lips out of embarrassment. You weren’t sure whether or not that was the right move.

“Sure,” he began, catching your attention.

“I’d like that.” He smiled as you smiled, fighting back the sigh of relief.

You were glad you didn’t make things awkward between you two. Jay pushed you up, adjusting his hold on you, and continuing the walk in a comfortable silence, both of your hearts beating in sync.

ACT NINE.

Jay constantly stared at his phone all practice. He had given you his number the other day, just so you two could plan out a meetup, but you haven’t texted him at all. He thought maybe you were busy or you were too nervous to do so.

This wouldn’t be the first time he had been told he was unapproachable.

Due to his calm yet serious demeanour, there were many incidents where people told him they were too scared to talk to him—his blue hair did not make it any better—even during class. Many students were afraid to be paired up with him, unaware of how sweet of a person he really was. Once they got to know him better, they stopped fearing him, but that didn’t go for students who hadn’t gotten to know him.

He sighed deeply and grabbed his packed duffle bag. It would be best to leave it alone for now. Maybe yesterday’s interaction was a fluke. He couldn’t get his hopes up in case you never texted.

“Jay,” Sohee called. Jay looked over at the boy who leaned against the pole of a net. He motioned for him to come over as Jay followed through.

“What’s up with you and Y/N?” He asked, crossing his arms in the process.

What did he mean? Nothing was up, judging by how you weren’t texting him like you said you would.

“Nothing, why?” Jay replied, more disappointed than ever. He didn’t want to say those words but had no choice.

“It’s just, that you two were all buddy-buddy with each other for the rest of P.E. class,” Sohee explained. Jay’s mouth opened and closed a few times. No response. It was true that you were pretty close yesterday, but today? Not much.

“Ah, I was just worried, that’s all…” Jay said, regretting his words right after. He was supposed to be nonchalant about it. He couldn’t let his teammates know anything about his little ‘thing’ for you.

Was it even a ‘little thing’ at this point? He didn’t know himself.

“What about her asking about an audition?” Sohee asked, causing Jay to freeze. His arm dropped to his side, grip loosening on his phone but not enough for it to fall out completely.

What did Sohee mean? Did he overhear them? Jay tried so hard to keep this a secret but was still caught in the end.

“Don’t tell me…” Sohee paused. “You were thinking of signing up weren’t you?” He asked still Jay remained silent.

He couldn’t blow his cover. Especially after all how much he tried to keep it a secret, from you, his teammates, your club members. Everyone.

“So, it is true! No wonder you’ve been acting so out of place lately.” Sohee said, pushing himself off the pole as realization hit him. Jay looked around, hoping nobody overheard whatever he was saying.

Luckily, there wasn’t anyone around—or so he thought there wasn’t.

K emerged from the storage room, making his way over to the two boys. Jay looked over, eyes slightly widening. K was the last person that Jay wanted to overhear this conversation.

“You’ve been ditching us, giving us cold shoulders, and everything for that club of freaks?” K asked, baffled.

“Fair play, leader. So much for being there for us 24/7.” He said, rolling his eyes and scoffing.

Jay gulped. Although he was mad, he was unsure of what right words to use at this moment.

“They aren’t that bad,” Jay said, hoping those words were okay.

“Yeah, because they’re terrible! Did they brainwash you or something?” K’s eyes narrowed. Jay couldn’t hold back anymore. He didn’t want things to get physical, but they could’ve.

“See, this is why I didn’t tell you guys anything. Of course, I felt terrible for taking an interest in it. I didn’t want to ‘betray’ you guys, and K only made those thoughts worse.” Jay blamed, staring at K whose jaw dropped while he pointed at himself in disbelief.

“Me?” K asked, walking towards Jay.

“I’m the one who made your thoughts worse? I was just telling you the truth and how I felt about everything.” He admitted, but his words meant nothing to Jay.

“Exactly why I couldn’t tell you guys anything, especially you, K. I’m aware I haven’t been in the right state of mind, but do I know why? Not at all.” Jay said, adjusting his backpack.

“Nothing is making sense to me anymore, do I know why? Nope. I’m just as confused as you two.” Jay’s tone was quite harsh and irritating. He was frustrated and annoyed at what K had to say, causing his own words to flow out with no hesitation.

“Whatever. Go ahead, spread the word for all I care.” Jay said with an eye roll that was mainly directed at K.

K swore he felt his eye twitch as Jay turned around, walking away. How could he end his sentence that way?

“K, loosen up,” Sohee said, placing his hand on his shoulder.

“If Jay wants to do something he can, you don’t have any say in it. You have to calm down, you’re so controlling over him. No wonder he couldn’t tell us about it.” Sohee ranted and K stood still.

He was shocked that even Sohee took Jay’s side. Of course, they were all mad at him and how he distanced himself away from the team, especially K.

Still, was he really in the wrong? K sighed, letting out a deep breath he didn’t know he had in him.

Jay walked through the school’s courtyard, eyes focused on his phone. There was still no message or call from you. Normally, you were everywhere around the school. He always managed to run into you, but today, you were nowhere to be found.

He had no clue where to look either.

He sighed, looking up from his phone, eyes meeting a sight he didn’t expect—your back facing him. He put his phone into his pocket, jogging towards you. He couldn’t lose you. It took him almost the whole day to find you anyway.

“Y/N.” Jay called, hand reaching out to yours. You stiffened at the familiar voice, pausing in your tracks. The soft gentle hold on your hand made you turn around, being met with a face you didn’t want to see.

Well, you would’ve if you didn’t find out about the news earlier.

“Finally, I found you. Is the plan from yesterday still up?” He asked, a slight smile making its way to his features. You couldn’t fall for it, especially with the way his dimple slowly appeared, you couldn’t fall for it.

“What’s wrong?” He asked, brows furrowing. You stared at Jay’s face, he seemed worried. As if he had a reason to be, he was the cause of it all. You reached for the hand that held onto yours, removing it yourself, making his furrowed brows deepen.

You turned away, taking your leave in his silence. As you walked away, the distance between you and Jay didn’t change. His constant footsteps that increased in sound as he chased after you was all that you needed to stop.

“What?” You asked, abruptly stopping and turning around, causing him to stumble over his feet.

“What do you mean, what? What’s wrong with you?” He asked, confused. Why were you suddenly giving him attitude after ignoring his concerns and leaving him hanging? Shouldn’t it be the other way around?

You stayed silent. As much as you didn’t want to face him right now, he wasn’t giving you a choice not to. So, you might as well pop the question.

“Did you really do it?”

ACT TEN.

Jay’s pencil tapped against the surface of his desk as he stared out the window. He sneezed, attracting all the attention to him.

“Bless you,” Mrs. Jang said as he sent her a sheepish smile. He whispered a soft thanks before returning his attention to the notes in front of him. He couldn’t come down with a cold, not before the team’s next game. The sudden downpour yesterday must’ve caused his little sneeze attacks. Although it was a bad rainstorm, it wasn’t as bad as his argument with you.

“Did you do it?” You asked, grip tightening on the straps of your backpack.

“Do what?” He asked, becoming more confused. You bit your bottom lips, hesitating. You didn’t want to believe whatever you were told before, but it would still be best to hear it directly from him.

“Did you take the play’s script?” You asked, looking at your shoes and then at him. He stiffened at the question. This wasn’t the first time it happened. He also stiffened during the time you mentioned your fear of losing the play script on the park bench.

The sun that shined on the two of you before, disappeared behind dark grey clouds. It was almost as if this conversation took place in a play due to the perfect timing of the rain. Jay’s eyes were wide. The thing he was afraid of most happened. He knew he should’ve told you sooner.

“So, you did? Wow—”

“I didn’t.” He interrupted you, his words coming out so suddenly. “Well, I was there, but I tried to stop them.” He explained, brows raising slightly.

“You were still part of it,” you started, brows furrowing. “Weren’t you?” You asked as he gulped.

“What’s next? Did you purposely get close to me with the hope that I wouldn’t find out about this? And if I did, did you think I would have mercy on you?” You asked, hurt at the thought.

“To be honest, I trusted you and told you about how I would feel if the play’s script ever went missing, yet you didn’t bother to speak up during that moment.” You explained, now looking at him. His mouth opened and closed constantly, but nothing came out.

“Y/N,” Jay called, softly. It was almost like he was trying to swoon you over instead of addressing your accusations. If the situation was different, it might’ve worked.

“Listen, I was going to tell you, but I couldn’t.” He said, searching your eyes for any change of emotion.

“Why didn’t you?” You asked, raising a brow at him.

“Because I didn’t want you to hate me.” Jay began.

“Plus, I already felt bad enough when you told me about the fear and stuff, I didn’t want to make anything worse.”

“You didn’t want me to hate you?” You asked, scoffing.

“You made me doubt myself as a leader for a moment, Jay. As childish as it might be, losing the script made me feel terrible. And you knew about it but didn’t bother to tell me? Do you know what spot you put yourself in?” You ranted, leaving Jay no time to answer any questions.

“Y/N,” Jay paused. He didn’t know if the words he would say next would make matters worse or better.

“I don’t know what’s happening to me. Truly, I never really cared about the Drama club or took in my team’s hatred for them. They were just… there. But once you came along, I swear my life did a whole 180.” He said, hands clenching into fists at his sides.

“Do you want me to pity you?” You asked and he shook his head fervently.

“Of course not. I’m just saying you’re always on my mind for whatever reason and I can’t even function because of that. As we grew ‘closer’ I always wanted to admit that incident, but I knew what the possible outcomes were. I never felt this way about anything, but ruining whatever we had between us made me feel as if the world was ending.” He continued as you listened.

“So, instead of speaking up. I returned the script in silence. Remember the day we ran into each other in the corridor? Yeah, I was running from Seungcheol. I know that was the wrong move and I should’ve told you instead of keeping quiet, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.” As Jay finished his sentence, droplets of rain began falling down from the grey clouds.

You stayed quiet, remembering back to the time you ran into Jay in the corridor. The way he held your hand made your heart race. You couldn’t bear with the increase in speed, so, you asked him to let go.

You knew if he didn’t, your face would’ve definitely changed shades, making your supposed crush on him quite obvious.

“Still not a smart choice.” You said before walking away as the rain became more heavier. Jay stood there in silence, staring at your back, his blue strands sticking onto his skin.

He breathed in and out, eyes slowly opening and closing as he watched you leave. He couldn’t do anything about this. It was as if everything he took an interest in or did, ruined the relationships between him and those he was close to, including you and his teammates.

You held your hand up to your chest, unsure if the racing in your heart was caused by Jay’s words or how fast you walked down the steps. You were mad at him, that was for sure, but he seemed genuine with his words and due to being the weak person you were, you would be lying if you said you didn’t fall for him even more.

Jay stood up, eyes wide, and his hands on his desk. Once again, all the attention was on him, including their teacher’s. His chair scraping on the floor was definitely the cause of that.

“Are you okay, Jay?” Mrs. Jang asked, catching him off guard.

“Huh? Oh, yeah…” He mumbled while taking his seat.

He couldn’t believe he uttered those words yesterday. He practically confessed to you and you made no reaction. Great, he embarrassed himself. Why was he so in love with you to the point where he couldn’t function straight?

“Jay,” a voice called gaining his attention. He looked up, noticing the many students who packed up their belongings and the two boys in front of him.

“Are you coming?” Eric asked, gesturing behind him with his thumb. Jay raised a brow at him, genuinely confused as to what he meant.

“...For lunch? We always eat together on the day of our games. Remember?” He elaborated, causing Jay to ‘ah’ in realization. It would be a lie if said he didn’t forget about today’s game. It was the last one of the season. He couldn’t play as sloppily as before.

He began to pack up his belongings, glancing at the two boys while doing so.

K stood beside Eric, a scowl present on his features. Clearly, he was forced to face him. The intense tension engulfed Jay as he cleared his throat, hoping it would clear the tension too. Sadly, it didn’t, but it did gain Eric’s attention.

“You’re done?” He asked and Jay nodded while swinging his backpack over a shoulder.

“Do you think Coach will let you play today?” Eric asked Jay as the three walked down the halls.

“Probably not. But, we will have to see.” Jay said with his words coming out as a sigh. K tensed beside him, quieter than ever. Usually, he would chat with them, but it was too awkward to do so.

Did he feel awkward because of yesterday’s chat? What if Jay and Sohee’s words really got to him?

“K!” Eric shouted, startling K out of his thoughts. K turned around, noticing he missed the whole entrance to the cafeteria due to his distracted thoughts.

“My bad,” he mumbled, making his way back to the two boys and then into the cafeteria without giving them another glance. Eric and Jay looked at each other and then shrugged, but before walking in, Jay spoke up.

“Wait,” he began, causing Eric to pause. “I thought you hated me? Why are you talking to me as if nothing happened?” He asked.

“Not sure, but I never hated you. Yeah, there was a moment of disappointment, but we can’t decide your choices.” Eric flashed Jay a smile before walking into the cafeteria and making his way to the team’s table. The one Jay picked out back in freshman year. Although most were mad at him, at least they didn’t switch tables.

Jay caught up with Eric as they both took their seats at the filled table. The mood wasn’t as bad as Jay intended it to be. At practice, it was awkward and heavy, but right now, it was light and comforting. Truly, he missed days like these and his best friends, especially K.

But clearly, it would take at least 1 light-year to build their previous bond again.

“So, Jay,” Sohee called, causing Jay’s eyes to shift over to the male. Jay wasn’t even aware that he was staring at K who sat opposite Jay at the table. Sohee took a bite of his food before continuing his sentence.

“Did things escalate with Y/N?” He asked. Jay’s gaze briefly shifted over to K, his tensing figure not going unnoticed by the blue-haired boy. “What do you mean?” Jay asked, his eyes now on Sohee.

“I heard she found out about the script issue…” He explained as everyone at the table looked at the two, excluding K.

“Shit, really?” Mark asked while stabbing his fork into today’s meal—pork chops. Sohee nodded at Mark’s question as K abruptly stood up, silencing Jay before he had the chance to reply. He grabbed his belongings and his untouched tray of food.

“I’m not hungry. See you guys at the game.” He said before leaving them behind. Jay watched as K walked away, not sparing a glance at the team as he exited the cafeteria.

“Ignore him. He’s been like that ever since we all found out about you and Y/N.” Heeseung reassured Jay, causing him to look back in front of him. Jay nodded, smiling awkwardly before taking another bite of his bowl of rice.

The atmosphere became quite awkward as Jay tried to avoid the question as much as possible by staying silent. It worked but ruined the comforting mood that was present earlier.

He wondered if you were still mad at him. Of course, he messed up, but he tried to stop them and still returned the script in the end. Although it took him a week to do so, he understood he should’ve confronted you about it once you two became close.

But for some reason, he couldn’t bring himself to do it. He hated confrontation.

His last period wasn’t anything fun. It was just as boring as his other classes. Many classmates wished him good luck on his game while teachers excused him from their homework assignments.

“Land a big one on them!” Mr. Lee exclaimed as Jay laughed awkwardly. He left his classroom at the same time as before—2:45 PM—and made his way to his locker. He promised his teammates he wouldn’t be late this time. There was nothing to distract him from doing so too. You were absent today.

Or so he thought.

Right when he shut his locker, he saw your figure a few meters away from his. His eyes widened as you rummaged through your locker. If that was your locker, how come he’s never seen you there?

“Y/N?” Jay called, biting his lip right after. He didn’t mean for it to slip out.

You froze at the voice, pausing your movements as well. You then hurriedly grabbed your books and shut your locker while swiftly slipping on your lock before rushing away. You were avoiding him for a reason, so, why did you see him in the most unnecessary spot possible?

“Wait!” Jay exclaimed, jogging after you. You must be a fool if you thought you could escape an athlete like him. You stopped running and turned around, exhausted while Jay looked as if he didn’t move an inch.

Wow, he was lucky.

“What?” You asked in a bitter tone. Jay looked at his phone, the clock reading 2:47 PM.

“I have three minutes to do this, so please don’t interrupt me” He pleaded as you stared at him. Although you showcased that you were unamused, you secretly were.

“I’m sorry.” Jay began with a sigh.

“I understand what I’ve done wrong. Even if I tried to stop them and returned the script, it can’t excuse my mistake, okay? I’m sorry if you felt as if I was taking advantage of you. I swear I wasn’t.” He explained as every word that escaped his mouth lingered with sympathy.

“I believe you’re an amazing leader and that you should never doubt yourself, especially over a mistake like that one. It happens to the best of us.”

“Don’t forgive me, it’s fine. We can restart whenever you’re ready.” He finished off with a slight smile, checking his phone once more. There was only a minute left to hear your response.

“So, what do you say?” He asked, a little panicky. You sighed while shaking your head.

“You make it really hard to stay mad at you, you know? Why do your words have to be so heartfelt and picked out oh so carefully?” You said as a smile made its way to his face again.

“I forgive you, but that doesn’t mean I won’t hold that mistake against you. One more mistake and whatever this is will end.” You warned while motioning between you both. He nodded and chuckled.

You were well aware of his feelings for you. Yesterday’s argument was enough to confirm that he supposedly felt the same way you did. The only difference was, he didn’t know you felt the same way. Hopefully, he could find out before another mistake was made.

“You’re going to be late, go to your match. You need to at least warm up.” You ushered him down the hallway towards the gymnasium and waved him goodbye as he did the same.

Now that everything was cleared up between you two, he would definitely do better in this match.

ACT ELEVEN.

“Starters for today, Ricky, Mark, Sohee, Jisung, and Jake.” Their coach said, causing the team to gasp.

“What about K, Jay, and Eric?” Asked Jisung. He looked at the three who sat on the bench quieter than ever. This was the first time their coach had ever done this, of course, everyone was shocked.

“You guys will be fine. Today’s team isn’t that difficult, so let’s preserve their energy until it is needed.” He explained while marking something off on his clipboard.

“Jay, are you in proper condition to play today?” He asked while making his way over to the boy. Jay looked up from his shoes and nodded at their coach's words. Their coach smiled, checking something off once again.

“Perfect,” he began.

“Okay, go out there and play well.” He said to the teammates who were said to play first. They followed through with his instructions and made their way to the court. Although there wasn’t any backup with their three-star players, they still had hope they could win.

Chemistry was all their team needed to win. So, K and Jay better make up before they had to step foot on the court.

Jay held out his fist that hid a wrapped-up peppermint in front of K’s view. K looked up from the ground at Jay’s hand and then his eyes shifted over to Jay who sat beside him. Jay opened his hand, revealing the peppermint to K.

“What?” K asked, staring at the sweet confused. Jay ushered him to take it as he followed through.

“Good, now eat it,” Jay ordered as K’s brows furrowed. “Did you poison it or something? I wouldn’t be shocked if you did, I’ve been an ass lately.” K said while hesitating to unravel the sweet.

Jay chuckled while looking at the players on the court getting into position. “At least you’re self-aware, but I have been one too. Still, I wouldn’t poison anything.” He said, rubbing his hands together.

“Listen, when we go on the court, we need to at least work together,” Jay explained, gaining K’s attention.

“Just because we had multiple arguments and not the best friendship lately doesn’t mean we can let our team lose, and that doesn’t mean I fully forgive you.”

“I would take your advice for yourself if I were you,” K said, referring to the last time Jay played on the court. Jay sent him a glare.

“I’m in a good mood right now, do not blow it,” Jay warned while pointing at him which only made K burst out laughing.

“Anyways, I wouldn’t dare to let our team lose. Glad, you’re finally acting like the team’s captain.” K teased as Jay softly punched him in the gut. K winced in pain as Jay playfully rolled his eyes and continued watching the game.

Jisung had the ball, tossing it up in the air as it made its way into the net. An easy 3-pointer only a minute into the game was all they needed to kickstart their desire to win.

Perfect.

Eventually, Jay, K, and Eric were subbed in for the last two quarters. The new lineup included the three boys and Mark who seemed to be in great shape even after 24 minutes of playing.

His stamina was insane.

“Focus,” Jay said from his spot in the key, turning his head to Mark across from him.

“Don’t beat yourself up if you’re tired. Just ask Coach to sub you off, okay?” He reassured the boy as Mark nodded.

The referee blew his whistle, passing the ball to the opposing team’s side. It was their ball when the second quarter ended anyway.

Decelis’ boys were now spaced out on the court, guarding their opponents. The points were at a good distance with Jay’s team being at 36 and the other team being at 24. Still, there was no knowing when they’d catch up.

It could happen at any time.

The referee blew his whistle again as the opposing team inbounded their ball. Mark failed to block his opponent as they ran down the court to their goal, it was obvious he was soon going to reach his limit.

Mark’s opponent passed the ball toward the player K was guarding—a rookie mistake. Never pass the ball if K was around.

With that said, K caught the ball, shocking the opponent behind him. He dribbled the ball, dashing to the other side of the court as his teammates followed behind him.

He paused at the three-point line, looking around for an open teammate. Mark was busy trying to get free from his defender and Jay did the same.

Eric sprinted towards K’s spot with his blocker trailing behind him. Once Eric was practically beside K, they did a quick handoff, leaving Eric with no other option but to dribble toward the net and perform a neat lay-up.

“Nice!” K exclaimed, high-fiving Eric as they both jogged towards the half point of the court. The boys were all beaming with satisfaction as all of their eyes held an intense desire to win.

A few points into the third quarter, Mark asked their coach to sub him out for Heeseung. It was obvious how exhausted he was, but nobody blamed him.

He played amazingly anyway.

The current score read 54-40. Clearly, they were catching up, but Decelis was still far ahead.

“I can’t believe you managed to convince me to come watch,” Kazuha said with her arm interlocked with yours as you guys walked through the bleachers.

“It’ll be fun. Maybe you’ll learn not to hate them as much.” You explained as you both took a seat in front.

“I hate being surrounded by basketball fans. They’re all sweaty and smelly, especially that one.” Kazuha said while pointing at K. You swatted at her hand, forcing her to lower it from the impact as K sent you guys a glare. Kazuha raised her fist and mouthed a curse word at his angry face as you laughed.

Was she really loud or was his hearing just really good?

Your eyes attentively watched Jay who wiped at the sweat that dribbled down his jawline. The gaze he held was the same gaze from the day you two finally spoke after two years. You will never forget that P.E. class.

He was very different than how he was off the court. Off the court, he’s a cold guy who is really clumsy while on the court, he seems unapproachable. It would be like having a death wish if you wanted to talk to him.

“Y/N,” Kazuha started while watching your eyes beam at the sight of Jay playing.

“You like him, don’t you?”

“What?” You asked, chuckling nervously.

“Do you like their team captain? You won’t take your eyes off of him even while talking to me.” Kazuha explained as you turned to look at her.

“Here, I’m looking.” You said as she smirked and pointed at you. “You’re blushing. You do like him!” She exclaimed as your eyes widened. You covered your cheeks with your hands while swatting at her teasing finger.

“Enough!” You whisper-shouted not wanting to attract any more attention to you two, but failed. Jay’s eyes were already on you as a silly smile made its way to his face.

The sight he saw answered all his questions. It was an obvious one, yet he denied it continuously. There was only one reason why you were always on his mind.

He was definitely in love with you.

The next day, the game was all everyone spoke about. The winning shot performed by K and Jay would definitely go down in Decelis's history. Jay threw the ball into the air as K came out of nowhere, dunking it into the hoop, the buzzer going off right after.

Everyone including their opposing team was shocked. No wonder they were part of the ‘star-players lineup’.

Slowly, K and Jay’s friendship began to be restored. Even if they were becoming friends again, the incidents from before weren’t forgotten, and K was very aware of that. It’ll take quite a while to make up for the things he has said and done.

“Wow, they weren’t playing,” Eric joked while eyeing K’s decorated locker.

“Ours must be worse…” Eric mumbled internally filled with excitement. He wondered what his locker looked like.

“They got you too,” K said pointing at Jay’s locker down the hall, “And Jisung.” K chuckled.

Their school must love them a lot to take time out of their day to decorate. It did make sense to do so, they won the whole season.

Eric boasted about a game he played when they got home yesterday. Even after the exhausting match, he still had enough energy to check out his favourite game’s new update.

To Jay, it felt nice to be included in things like this again. There were no more nasty glares being sent his way as he watched from afar. Things were slowly starting to go back to normal.

“Jay, your phone’s ringing,” Eric said, pausing his conversation topic. Jay looked at the boy confused then down at his vibrating pocket.

He removed his phone from his pocket, eyeing the contact name with wide eyes. “I’ll be back,” Jay said before walking away from his friends and picking up the phone.

He stood in front of his locker, leaning against the decorations.

“Hey.” Jay greeted, waiting for a response back. He slowly became anxious at the quietness. Did you

“Hey.” You greeted on the other line, causing Jay’s heart to flutter. He mentally cursed at his heart, hoping the beating would slow, but it didn’t.

“So… I was wondering if that deal was still up?”

“Yeah, of course,” he said, “I mean, as long as you’re free!” Jay exclaimed. He didn’t want his words to sound forceful.

You smiled at his words, writing down some words in your notebook. “Anything is fine with me. I’m free tomorrow… How about 12 PM?” You asked while clicking your pen shut.

It was a Saturday after all. What plans did Jay really have on a Saturday?

He hummed in agreement, turning around to unlock his locker with a smile. K and Eric grimaced at the sight as K shut his locker closed.

“Who has him smiling like a dork…?” K asked, brows furrowing. He’s never seen their captain like this before.

“I wonder…” Eric muttered, mirroring the exact expression as K.

They both paused, looking over at each other with slightly wide eyes, “Y/N.”

ACT TWELVE.

Jay rocked back and forth on the soles of his feet anxiously. The clock read 11:55 AM, 5 minutes before the two were supposed to meet. He was a punctual person, of course, he wasn’t early on purpose…

“Jay!” Your voice brought him out of his thoughts as his eyes looked in your direction quickly. You were smiling at him.

At him.

“Wow, you look happy.” He teased while making his way towards you. You were smiling from ear to ear because you were finally able to hang out with him, of course, you were happy.

“I received great news.” You cheered, clasping your hands together. He stared at you a slight smile on his own features with his hands stuffed in the pockets of his sweater as he teasingly raised a brow.

“Which is?” He asked.

“I was chosen to be this year’s valedictorian!” You said, your smile growing even more. Jay’s eyes widened in shock.

That was truly great news.

“Really? That’s great, Y/N.” He smiled with that dimple you hated oh so much showing. You hated how it made your face warm and butterflies in your stomach swarm.

But wait… Valedictorian?

“Wait, graduation is in a month, right?” He asked, the thought of this being his final year completely forgotten. You nodded at his question, confused yourself.

“Did you forget?”

“...Yeah.” He mumbled in embarrassment. You laughed at his sheepishness, waving your hand in the air.

“That’s fine. It happens, honestly. Anyway, our play is in a week. Everyone has been practicing like crazy, I don’t think anyone won’t be able to make it, but we can still practice if you want.” You said, playing with the felt of your clothes.

Jay nodded. Anything was fine with him. Although he really wanted to participate in your club’s play previously, due to all the commotion that happened within these two months, he wasn’t sure if he felt the same way.

He was still glad he met you at least.

You two strolled through the garden you suggested as the meeting place. This was a good way to clear your mind and prepare yourselves for the script reading.

The garden was a very pretty sight. You pulled out your phone, positioning your camera in front of any pretty flower you crouched before.

“It’s pretty, right?” You asked, eyeing the pink flower in front of you.

A Hibiscus.

“Yes, it’s very pretty,” Jay replied, crouching behind you, “Just like you.” He whispered, startling you.

Immediately, you turned around, flinching and falling backwards due to how close he was. His arm wrapped around your waist, pulling you back up before you could fall into the field of flowers.

You both stared into each other’s eyes as the wind rustled through the pedals on every flower in the field. You cleared your throat as Jay’s arm unravelled from your waist, but you caught your balance before you could fall over.

“My bad, I didn’t mean to scare you.” He apologized while standing up. You shook your head, trying to shake away the butterflies as well.

“It’s okay.” You muttered, eyes going back to your phone. The photo you took by accident was blurry and was most likely taken when you were falling. You couldn’t recognize anything aside from the vibrant pink blur.

You swiped backwards, satisfied with this photo instead. It showed the flowers, picking up the different shades of pink and the fading droplets of water. Jay looked around in an attempt to distract himself from the encounter from earlier.

It was a mistake, he swore it was, yet part of him wanted it to happen again.

“Do you want to get something to eat? I’m pretty sure there’s a cafe nearby. We can read over the script there.” You suggested, pulling him out of his thoughts.

“Ah, sure, why not.” He said, giving you an awkward smile. You stood up, dusting off your pants as Jay did the same. He stuffed his hands back in his pockets and followed you out of the field of flowers.

The walkout was silent. A little too silent for Jay’s liking.

“To be honest,” he started, gaining your attention. You hummed in response, eyes examining any flowers in your sight.

“You’re as beautiful as an orange flower,” he said, “If you were in a garden, I would definitely choose you first.”

You laughed at his words, thinking they were silly even if they made you flustered.

“I’m serious.”

You paused and turned around to face him, causing him to stop in his tracks.

“Why an orange flower? What about blue flowers?” You asked, genuinely curious. Was orange his favourite colour or something? If it was… wouldn’t he have dyed his hair orange instead of blue?

“Because,” he began, “It’s scientifically proven that orange is an eye-catching colour. To prove my point, you caught my eye that same day in P.E. class.”

Your eyes slightly widened at his sudden confession, but you then regained your composure. A sly smile made its way onto your features as you looked at Jay with narrowed eyes.

“Are you confessing to me again?” You asked and he nodded. Without hesitation, he nodded.

“You didn’t say anything to the first one…” He explained as you shook your head. It’s not that you didn’t say anything. You just didn’t know how to formulate words at that exact moment. You grabbed his hand, interlocking it with yours and dragged him towards the entrance at a faster pace.

“Let’s make a deal.” You said once you reached the arched entry. “Can you wait an extra month?” You asked as his brows furrowed.

“A month? What for?” He asked, leaving your question unanswered.

“Yes or no?” You asked, this time leaving his question unanswered.

Jay hesitated. He didn’t want to choose the wrong answer. This only reminded him of the time K and Eric dragged him to the club room—the start of everything. Back then, he regretted agreeing with the boys and he worried if that would happen with you. Still, it wouldn’t hurt to take a risk, right?

“Yes.” He said as you smiled in return.

“Good.”

ACT THIRTEEN.

The final month of being a senior went by faster than Jay expected. Ever since that day you and Jay hung out, you never brought up your question. He still had no clue what you meant by waiting a month, but he did it anyway.

There were many moments where he uttered the words ‘I love you’ or complimented you numerous times. He didn’t have anything to hide anymore, right? You knew he loved you and he made sure you did almost every single day.

That didn’t mean you said the three words back to him. You never did. Although it bothered him a little bit and caused him to doubt if what he was doing was right, you always managed to make him fall head over heels for you all over again.

Here he was, standing on stage with his coach and principal who presented him with the scholarship he waited his whole life for. He didn’t start playing basketball at the age of 7 for nothing.

As he listened to the principal speak, he was reminded of his freshman days. It felt like he was filling out that scholarship form just yesterday. It was still shocking that this was his last day in Decelis.

“Thank you,” he said while bowing and smiling at his principal as he took the envelope in hand. He then turned to look at his coach who seemed more emotional than ever, leaving Jay baffled.

“Shouldn’t I be the emotional one?” Jay asked while walking off the stage with his coach.

“There’s just something in my eye.” He said.

What a lie. Nobody would believe that one.

Jay scoffed and shook his head as he made his way back to his seat. He was congratulated by a few classmates on his way there, stopping a few times to high-five some of them. There was a bright smile on his face, feeling satisfied that he finally accomplished his dream.

Younghoon gave Jay a proud pat on the back from his seat behind Jay, feeling like a proud dad. It was something he always did when he felt proud of Jay.

“Now, please welcome this year’s valedictorian, L/N Y/N.” The school’s principal announced through the mic as you rose from your seat, making your way to the stage.

As you walked past Jay’s seat, you glanced over at him flashing him a smile as he did the same.

You adjusted the mic, levelling it to your desire, and turning it on in the process. You flipped through the script on the podium, finding your speech that you’ve practiced a ton of times.

“Good evening, staff, my fellow seniors, and most importantly, family members.” You began, gripping the sides of the podium as a smile made its way to your face.

“I’m L/N Y/N, your valedictorian for this ceremony. First, I want to start by congratulating this year’s graduating class. Time flew by faster than we all expected, right? To me, it still feels like I was preparing for my first day as a freshman in Decelis just yesterday, worrying about what I should wear even if this is a uniform school.” You joked, making a few students hum in agreement and laugh at your words as Jay watched with an adoring smile.

“I know how much it may hurt to say goodbye to those you adored, but take this as an opportunity to branch out and explore new things. I had an amazing time with this school’s Drama Club and enjoyed being the leader. It taught me a lot more than I intended to learn.” You said, gaze shifting to Jay.

“It taught me how fun taking risks and stepping out of your comfort zone can be. How fun exploring the personalities of others can be even while going against the established yet unconfirmed rule that says you must hate each other.”

It was obvious that you were referring to the Drama club and Basketball team rivalry and the unsaid person was obviously Jay. Who else broke that unconfirmed rule with you?

“The events that occurred this year really brought me an enjoyable and exciting final year of high school, so I’m very grateful for it.” You finished off your speech with a closing sentence that thanked everyone for coming and wished all the graduating students the best of luck for their future.

Soon after your speech, all students received their diplomas and medals, meaning they were no longer high school students.

You and Jay were no longer the leaders of the Drama club and Basketball team or classmates from P.E. class.

“You were great.” Jay complimented you after finding you in the school’s courtyard. You turned around, smiling at his words.

“Congrats on the scholarship!” You cheered, a smile appearing on his face. Before he could reply, you were already dragging him by the hand through the crowds of people, and running towards the steps you guys last argued on.

“What are we doing here?” He asked, looking around, noticing how nobody was there. They were all taking pictures to reminisce about the moment a few years later.

“So—”

He was silenced by the sudden kiss planted on his cheek, causing him to look at you faster than ever. His eyes were wide open and his mouth was slightly agape at the sudden movement. You looked into his wide eyes with your curious ones.

“What was that about?” He asked in utter shock.

“I love you,” you confessed, his wide eyes becoming even wider. He blinked continuously, thinking this was all a dream.

“What?” You asked, tilting your head to the side.

“Am I going crazy, or did you really say I love you?” He asked as your eyes widened.

“You must be going crazy. I said no such thing.” You lied, putting on your best poker face. Your hand removed his cap, feeling his forehead temperature to complete the act.

“Your temperature is fine though… Did you not sleep enough?” You asked, concerned. You loved being able to pull these types of tricks on him. His reactions were always cute to you.

“I’m kidding, I did.” You said, smiling. You couldn’t keep up the lie anymore, especially with this way his brows furrowed in disappointment.

“It has been a month. I waited it out until today. I didn’t want to interrupt our studies if we ever started anything, you know,” you said while letting go of his hand, “And it would’ve been a mistake if I didn’t confess the same place you first did.” You said while looking around the area you stood in.

It really was your last time walking down these steps.

Out of nowhere, your face was cupped by slightly rough hands that brought warmth to your cheek, turning your head to face Jay’s direction. You had no time to register anything, his soft lips on yours.

Although you weren’t prepared, you still sunk into the kiss, but Jay pulled away before anything could escalate. His hands still cupped your face as you both looked into each other’s eyes, ‘sneaking’ small glances at each other’s lips.

“I love you too.” He said, his words filled with genuine adoration.

“Cool,” you muttered in disappointment. It was too short for your liking. Jay was shocked, wondering why you didn’t say it back. He waited so long just for you to say it once?

“I love you too, okay? Stop overthinking it.” You said, playfully rolling your eyes. His facial expression made it quite obvious as to what he was thinking.

“Now, come here.” You said, pulling him into another kiss while dropping his cap on the concrete ground beside him. Luckily, this one lasted much longer than before.

Even if he didn’t participate in anything related to the Drama club, he still got himself involved with one of their members, right?

That should at least count.

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