#the first fic is probably better but the goal here wasn't good it was fun for me

[kinetic-elaboration]

December 24: Miller/Bryan, Boyfriends

This is literally the least Christmas-y thing I could write on Christmas Eve but I just had the urge to write some angsty Miller/Bryan stuff instead of trying to do fluff. I'm just not in the fluff mood.

This is in the same universe as this scene, is extremely self-indulgent, and may or may not be good, but it was fun.

Canon-divergent, S3-era, ~760 words, some sexual content

Written in 22 minutes

*

When they were dating on the Ark, they would fantasize often about domesticity. They'd find quarters together as soon as they turned eighteen, either on Alpha or on Farm, or anywhere else that would take them; they'd sleep together in a bed big enough for two. They'd develop some sort of morning routine. Their clothes would get mixed up. They'd kiss at every threshold, before parting, upon meeting.

Miller was a damned romantic in those days too: trading stolen goods for extra ration points and extra ration points for private time in the mess and a dinner for two; memorizing love sonnets; handing Bryan sprigs of plants from the fields on Farm as if they were bouquets. Some of the gestures made Bryan laugh. But always with such fondness. And after Miller was arrested, they promised to stay faithful—Bryan promised to visit and promised to wait—and so everyone in the Sky Box said they were married. That was the word for couples who believed in a future like that. Miller never told anyone that he proposed for real, with a bit of junk metal fashioned into a ring, as earnest and as quiet and as serious as he'd ever been in his life, never told a single soul that Bryan said yes. Yes Miller would live and as soon as he got out, they'd be married in Miller's father's quarters and afterwards, never separated ever again.

Later, when Bellamy asks, he says he has a boyfriend. Fiancé seems too heavy somehow, like maybe Bellamy will read it as kids playing dress up, or only frown as he does at Sky Box slang he never got the hang of.

It's easier to live with himself, too, when he's got a boyfriend up there or out there or possibly dead, than to let himself go on spinning fantasies about the love of his life.

It's not domestic now and it's not sweet either, or soft, or easy, when they don't know what to say to each other, so every time they meet, they just fuck. Bryan hangs out with Farm mostly, without saying they're family in so many words. Miller’s got his dropship survivors. Thy almost never talk about that now. The scar on his shoulder aches when it's about to rain, and when he puts on the Guard jacket, it feels heavy on his shoulders.

Bryan's assigned quarters in some of the new outbuildings, where they've stuck the rest of the station because all the rooms in Alpha have already been divided up. But it's not hard to sneak over, hardly more of a challenge to sneak Bryan over to his. Bellamy practically lives at Gina's now. Their bed is a double, and it's easy to shove Bryan down on it.

They never get fully undressed and they lie to themselves and say it's because it takes too long, and they need something hot and hard and now, they miss each other so goddamn much. It doesn't hurt the way that sex always hurt in crowded spaces up on the Ark: banged elbow in the supply closet, ache in his back from trying to twist around too much in his single bed, and then he couldn't even catch his breath after, because soon his father would be home. He might say it hurts in a worse way now, like poking an old bruise. Old man, Bryan says, half-smiling, when his heart starts beating too fast and his lungs burn but he's thinking about Bellamy giving him a hand job in this same bed and then about how many people have fucked in it over the last 100 years, and how little it matters, sentimentality like that.

He can feel Bryan's palm pressed close against him, that moment of pressure before his fingers start scrambling for Miller's zip, and he thinks that if he's breathing in the air from Bryan's lungs right now, open mouth to open mouth and the darting slick press of tongues, maybe he's also hearing Bryan's heart in his ears. Maybe they are one person. Maybe that's the rhythm he can feel coming of its own accord into his hips, as Bryan straddles on top of him, and they move as if they were fucking, and everything else drowns out and is still.

They haven't mentioned the word marriage since their reunion at the settlement gates. Not even once. No words like boyfriends or domesticity or even home, but again and again he huffs you into Bryan's mouth: you and want and need. You, you, you.

#the 100 #nathan miller #bryan the 100 #bryan #miller x bryan #briller #briller fanfiction #mine #my writing #the year 2023 #2023: free write #the first fic is probably better but the goal here wasn't good it was fun for me #can't emphasize that enough

[safarigirlsp]

These asks are fun! I can’t wait to see what stories you have in the works 🖤

🍒What genres/tropes do you find yourself using most often?

🥝Who are your literary influences, and have they shaped your own writing?

🥕What's your favorite fic you've written, and why?

🍔What's a headcanon that hasn't made it into a published fic yet?

Thank you for sending this! It's like most of the gang's all back! Let's keep this craziness going for a while!

🍒What genres/tropes do you find yourself using most often?

My two favorite genres to write, as if it isn't obvious xD, Are adventure and Horror. For tropes, if these are tropes, I love Bitchy Banter, Strong Women Kicking Ass, Men Having a #BadTime, and Manly Men Doing Manly Things. I really can't get enough and although I should probably branch out more, I just love these so much I want to wallow in them over and over xD.

🥝Who are your literary influences, and have they shaped your own writing?

In terms of classics, I love Jane Austen and her banter and color, Alexandre Dumas for adventure and his epic thematics and penchant for revenge, and Poe for all things lovely, dark, and vibey.

For modern writers, my all time favorite is Wilbur Smith and honestly, if I could write like him, I would love it. That's my goal in life, truly. I'm enjoying Evie Dunmore at present. Crichton and Preston/Child are also favorites.

🥕What's your favorite fic you've written, and why?

Oh no. This is always impossible for me xD.

For Jacques: Wargrave Hall (This is truly almost finished. Sorry for the wait!). Here There Be Monsters

For Mills: Maneater. I need to write more for him!

For Flip: The Case of the Colorado Cannibal. The Devil Went Down to Dodge City.

For Kylo: Kylo the Malevolent co-written with the wonderful @babbushka

🍔What's a headcanon that hasn't made it into a published fic yet?

Flip is truly god awful in the kitchen. He has been almost permanently banned, with a few narrow exceptions. He does quite a good job at pancakes. The nickname 'Flip' comes from him flipping pancakes like a show off as a young fool and splattering himself with grease, thereby getting a round pockmark looking scar on his chest that he likes to lead people to believe is a bullet wound.

However, he is allowed to have a grill. Outside. Where the risk of burning the house down drops from extreme to moderate. He can grill steaks like a bad ass. He deadpans that it's part of some primal male instinct that involves bloodlust and hunting and fire. Or some horseshit along those lines. His culinary skills begin and end at grilling meats. Occasionally, he can add cheese to a burger without incident, but he knows better than to venture further out than that. It can't be denied that his steaks and burgers are to die for. Or as he puts to you when it's just the two of you, they're good enough to orgasm for, and he will make sure you do. When he really wants to wine and dine you, he will cook in just his jeans with his tits out for your viewing pleasure. When he's feeling funny, he will wear a frilly apron over his jeans and bare chest and let you laugh at him.

In my canon, Nicholas Mills is an ex fighter pilot. He was a bad boy growing up, the rebellious sort who wouldn't cut his hair or go to church or respect authority simply because it was authority. This disagreement came to blows several times with his father. Mills never struck the old man back, but it was sufficient provocation that he could restrain his father even with a broken nose to ship him off to the military to get his ass straightened out. Mills hated it, every second. He wasn't suited to the authority and the rules. But all that stayed on the ground when he took off in a jet. The freedom he felt from the first time he climbed into the cockpit was euphoric. He put up with the rules and the authority and the bullshit, even the horrible haircut, just so he could feel that freedom, chase the high that only came with flying.

After leaving the military and a nasty divorce after that, Mills was thoroughly sick of rules and regulations and authority and fucking people in general. He was smart enough to keep a separate bank account and stash away enough money to buy a plane of his own. You could say Mills skipped town. Skipped the country actually. All the way to Northern British Columbia. Someplace he can be left alone and unbothered, living the life he wants. He makes a surprisingly good living as a bush pilot, running supplies out to folks even more remote than him and flying out sportsman and outdoorsmen into the wilderness, and the occasional rescue job.

Never in a million years did Mills expect to meet a knockout like you out on one of these runs, his dream girl. And now, he's the only man who has a chance in hell of getting you both out of the wilderness alive.

I may have a fic like this in the works...

Jacques is an avid reader. He's educated and quite an intellectual, although he likes to downplay that arrow in his quiver. It pays to be underestimated. He enjoys poetry most of all and he's more of a sucker for flowery prose and romantic ideation than he openly admits. When he gets caught, he blames his interest in poetry as a necessary skill developed to get under women's skirts.

Once he's close enough to let his guard down, he will reveal his favorites and tell you how you've been in every line he's ever read. He loves to read to you. In the beginning, this was a way to seduce you into bed. It has since become his way to lull you to sleep when you're already in bed or to help you unwind while sprawled out by the fire.

He will read your favorite books with you or begin a new one together that you chose just to share the experience with you. It goes without saying that whenever you get inspired by a particular scene, Jacques is not only happy but eager and enthusiastic to act it out with you. He will invariably put the male characters to shame.

#hearts #my stuff! #my writing #65 #flip #jacques #commander mills x reader #commander mills x you #flip zimmerman x you #flip zimmerman x reader #jacques le gris x reader #jacques le gris x you

[dirtyoldmanhole]

so while it is true that you cannot "technically" support gunter in revelation ...

you can, however, wander over thisaway ~

oho, what's this?

:D

anyway, let's talk gunter's C support, shall we ~

(under a cut for length of the post/images. mostly meta!)

fun fact: did you know if you're looking at past support logs in a different route, your avatar name will update to whatever is your current name? (Corrin is so much her own person / personality it didn't make sense to do "krad" there, tbh.)

anyway, in the slowburn fic, this hits right before Fort Jinya.

(it should be said i'm not writing 1:1 supports or scenes, that'd be boring as hell. but sharp eyes are going to grin and know exactly what scenes I'm riffing off of, vibe-wise.)

there's a shippy headcanon for reasons(tm) I have of him avoiding Corrin after they come back from the bottomless canyon the first time. (tl;dr chemistry and denial lul~~~)

but even disregarding that, it's kind of cute that corrin goes to check on him, and evidentially keeps an eye on him. ;_____;

they keep talking about memories; ime it's also really well done/relevant that so many of their scenes are about that reoccuring theme, when you consider what a big deal "memory" is to Corrin, and what she's been robbed of.

Gunter: It's seen better days, but it's still in pretty good condition, don't you think? Corrin: It really is; I'm impressed. I didn't realize that you'd kept it after all this time.

Gunter: We played so many games of catch with it. Corrin: It really does stir up all those old memories. Gunter: How does a round of catch sound to you? For old times' sake. Corrin: I'd love to! Gunter: Excellent. I have a few tasks to deal with today, but we'll play sometime soon? Corrin: I look forward to it.

(god, gunter, you are so sentimental and it's feelsy as hell ;___; how the hell did he manage to keep that ball with him all the while falling down the literal bottomless canyon? )

anyway

it wasn't until i started writing Corrin's horrific mind wipe ordeal(s) that i started realizing Gunter was kind of a fucking genius for starting their whole game of catch. I'll go into this more in the B-A support, but in addition to the game being a gentle "carrot" method of getting young!Corrin to cooperate that set him apart from Garon's punshiments (eg, not stepping on her triggers), it's kind of like physical/trauma therapy for a kid that doesn't feel like therapy.

idunno about y'all but i've spent Way Too Much time in a similar situation in a similar time span. it ain't fun! at all! you got these scary adults in a scary new situation and everything hurts from poking and prodding and you just want to go home and they keep wanting you to do weird random shit like walking in loops or parallel bars or other shit.

(obviously in hindsight it makes sense, but you get a scrambled kid in a new scary situation, and they usually end up having meltdowns, for good reason.)

something familiar, that feels concretely like play, and is very clearly a routine for both of them with a set goal/reward, is something almost literally out of a textbook to help her recovery. caretaker daddy here has a galaxy brain considering he hasn't been trained for this shit at all, kudos to him ~

(... of course, a lovely piece of fridge horror is that it gets way sadder when you realize he's probably cobbled together most of this knowledge from raising his own kids. who are. you know. now dead.)

(y e a h)

#krad loveblogs revelations: electric boogaloo

[nobodysdaydreams]

2. My favorite chapter in my favorite fic of yours Hmmm. Probably "Chapter 2: A Deal with the Devil" from "S.O.S."

6. Something I remember vividly from reading one of your fics The many, many different points of view we got to see of the scene where SQ gets Brainswept :(

7. What made me the most emotional after reading Pedalian and his wife dying! I just!! Gah! Even though I knew they weren't long for the story it still hurt.

8. What I like the most about your writing That you are so good at writing all different characters! You can go back and forth seamlessly from kids to adults to anyone at all and the narrative always feels natural and enjoyable and sympathetic to (Though not wholly ignoring the crimes of) each and every character.

12. A fic of yours that i've re-read Obviously I've reread sections of "S.O.S." a lot, and I am always very happy that I did :)

13. If i've ever shared/talked about your fic to someone else

Thank you Sophie!

2- Interesting choice. This was one of the first SOS chapters I wrote, and I wasn't sure if people were going to buy the head canon of them being friends or whether it fit the characters, so I'm glad you enjoyed it! It's also the chapter where they're all happy together, so I'm sorry that I ruined that. Maybe I'll make it up to you one day.

6- Ohhh... that was some fun angst to write. SQ's POV is bad, for sure, but then you get Curtain and oh Garrison...I just love dragging her onto the angst train. And the implications of what this all means for these three characters...it's so tragic, but it fits so well. I'm sorry it stuck with you and hurt you so much, but that was the goal, so I'm happy I succeeded 🥰 /lh

7- Believe me, that hurt me to write too. I knew I only had a few chapters to devote to them, so I needed to make sure you cared about them before I/the show killed them off. It's nice to see that you care about them, and if it makes you feel better, I get the feeling we might not have seen the last of them. Everyone is alive in flashback land and sometimes flashbacks turn up in very unexpected places. You never know ;)

8- I'm happy I was able to pull this off. It's hard to write for a large cast of complex and diverse characters, but I try to. Especially because in real life, a lot of people do think their actions (while reprehensible) are justifiable. And it's so frustrating because you see what a great person they could be; you see the good that was lost, and you're rooting for them to become good again; you want them to get better. I think it helps us remember the importance of forgiveness and mercy and also helps us see the blind spots within ourselves and the way we justify and let things slide that we probably shouldn't.

12- I'm happy you read SOS too, Sophie. Believe me, I am VERY happy, and hope to give you a proper thank you very soon. 💕

13- I love that you just left this one blank. 😂 And you're right, nothing needs to be said here, because you've already said it all. Sophie, you have been one of my biggest fans and supports from day 1, and I want you to know that that absolutely means the world to me. 🥰

I hope you have a lovely day, and I hope to have more fic updates for you soon!

#Bods Answers #SOS #mbs sos #tmbs sos #fanfic #tmbs fanfic #mbs fanfic

[nawilla]

2023 Year in Review:

Did I make any of my goals for 2023: in short no. But I'm not being too hard on myself because this year was crap. M the Cat died. My friend died. Work was nutty. My house is still a pit. I had a stalker. N the Cat murdered my computer. But hey, I DID start cleaning a bit over the holiday break, which is something.

Personal goals made in 2023:

1.  Clean something every day.  No, this didn't happen, unless you count the last three days of 2023 and a huge push at yardwork in the summer/fall. But I am making improvements now.

2.  Start cooking again.  No, this didn't happen either, but since the most recent cleaning has been in the kitchen, this is looking hopeful for 2024.

3.  Track my money.  Not yet. I used to do this, but got overwhelmed with work and my murdered computer. I HAVE started doing this for January 2024 but I'm not going to fuss over trying to backtrack 2023. Just do better going forward.

4.  Drink more water.  I did this intermittently. I did notice in the summer that I had stopped peeing at work because I was sweating out the water and it kind of scared me when I realized I wasn't drinking enough water. Dug out some fun water bottles and am continuing to do so.

5.  Get back on the writing bandwagon.  I actually did do quite a bit of writing, started a few projects that stalled out (I think I ended up doing the third project idea for Star Wars Day, not the first one). I also posted a fic for Valentines Day that I finished in the spring. I also ended up writing most of a fic that I was on schedule to complete and post by the end of the year, but when my friend got sick at the end of summer I just got off the bandwagon again between visiting her in the hospital/rehab center, then trying to help get her affairs in order after she passed. There was much drama and pets with no human anymore. I did start posting and I did start writing a bit more this weekend so hopefully I will get done before I run out of chapters to post. It's doable, but we know me, I probably won't finish before I run out. I should also mention I was working on a fourth project, but a chunk of it is on the murdered computer, so I either have to find the handwritten draft of take the computer in for service to at least get the documents off it. (The hard drive is fine. N murdered the connections to the monitor AND keyboard).

Here are the writing goals I set in January 2023:

1.  My first goal this year is to finish the largish fic I’ve been working on intermittently for a while.  It’s in the Little Lights Universe, and is Simet and Bes focused.  I think I figured out everything that has to happen and how it needs to end, but there is a bunch of middle that has to be worked out.

Yeah, this is the one on the computer with locked in syndrome.

2.  My secondary goal is the sequel to ‘Love and Indifference.’  I got a good chunk written but it got stuck in the sense that I think the scenes planned need to be reordered as opposed to needing more material.  Not that more material might not happen.  It’s a bridging story, so hopefully people won’t hate it.

This story remains stalled out (computer death didn't help), but I did write the Valentine's Day story in the same universe, so I feel less bad about it.

3.  The Jedi Ghost story I outlined but only wrote the first scene of.

This was idea 1 for Star Wars Day that went nowhere. I need to watch Clone Wars for this I think.

4.  Finishing the WIP I started LAST CHRISTMAS BREAK (Lock and Qui).  It only needs 1-2 short chapter, dammnit.

Yeah, never did.

5. Outlining a story to follow Evenstar, exploring Obi-Wan’s relationship with his childhood mentor Master L.

Did not explore this.

6.  Outlining a 5+1 fic for our favorite Rare Pair.

Might try this again this year.

Mind you, I only expected to make 2 out of 5 goals. I did end up posting three stories this year (one still unfinished) so I'm not displeased considering I got off the writing bandwagon for several MONTHS.

As for my craft goals for 2023, um, I did not make any of them. I think I already explained how nutty a year this was.

January: Boba Fett Cross stitch. Still not finished. Had to stop because M the Cat started putting his feet in the water bowl and then wanted to crawl all over me and I had to keep putting it away before it got yucked. N is generally less yucky when it's hot. Generally.

February: Gingerbread Tree skirt: I have the yarn. This could be the year.

March: Floral Wreath. Yeah, didn't happen.

April: Socks. Didn't make any socks for me, but did make socks as a Christmas gift for someone else. And T bought me a yarn bowl for my work office so I can knit while in Zoom Meetings to prevent me from saying things I shouldn't. I did have to ask to have the recipient's feet remeasured since it has been so long since I've made socks for other people.

May: Crack open that embroidery kit. Nope, didn't happen.

June: crack open that crochet kit. Nope, didn't happen.

July: crack open that rock painting kit. Nope, didn't happen.

August: crack open that diamond painting kit. Yes, I actually did this one over the weekend and it's almost done and I will probably finish it very soon. I also fell down the diamond painting rabbit hole (they have coaster set kits!) so yeah, expect more of that.

September-December: I did not paint any tree ornaments, but I did end up making scarves for most of my co-workers, utilizing three different patterns, including keyhole scarves, which I had never made before. All seem well-received, despite me frequently gifting scarves. I'm not kidding, it was a lot of scarves.

I also did Inktober this year, but did not finish until November due to my friend's illness kind of sucking the creativity out of me.

And while I didn't do any holiday baking or cooking, I did give out gifts, drew my holiday card (and got it printed and sent out!) and was an actual participant in the holidays this year.

So while I still have a long way to go to get back to a healthy lifestyle that is good for me and N, and I will no doubt make goals this week that will go unrealized, I am trying and I did get some stuff done this year.

#2023 #year in review #new years goals #crafts #craft goals #writing #writing goals #personal goals

[dani-dos-jardins]

Omg omg I just came form ao3 but OMG I found your story yesterday and accidentally ACCIDENTALLY read it for six hours . But what whattttt this story isss great wow like wow . How I start , i don't even know , from my excitement I make my cousin listen to me talk about it for half hour. Any way , I think i will start from the beginning ***okay prepare yourself because I'm just a nerd and read everything like comments theories and notes ***

Their first meeting is so cute and sweet the rich girl and the thug man . She wasn't afraid or anything just seek to the conversation or anything to make her feel and not being doll and lifeless. And him ,his trust issues, he was so amazed at her behaviour, why is she doing this, what are her goals and so on, when they sat together and drank tea that was their sign, every time they drank tea in the story I felt the same feeling for the first time. I could tell that her courage or madness from his point of view made her imprint on his memory . And when they met god I love your sense of humour, really . Everything in this story is great . I love her denial when her friends tell her that she love him. Anddd your levi is so so so in character . Ever action he did is so him . His fears about her , his concerness , his nightmares. Gosh they all written so good. I scream when she kissed him I was cheering really . And the chapters that's from his pov was soo cute and sweet they are my fav with the ball chapter. * You Know Cinderella 2015 I had the same vibe in this chapter * and I almost cried when he finally said that he love her ..cute cute cutteeeeeee ( and yeap levi is totally sub it suits him lol ) . Oh gosh I have alot to say but this is getting too loongg sorry for you that you have to read all of it . But seriously your story is great , sweet and awesome and you're such a sweetheart I hope you're great and doing okay .

Note : I don't know if you had any reference about her look or anything but I think you said that her look is different from people inside the walls and her face remarkable and she is pretty so that's the look i picture her with . And she also feel a little rich ، https://pin.it/4TRGu5J ، i don't think i saw this facial features in aot world . So this how I kinda picture her.

For one second I thought I had deleted this ask and I wanted to die because it's probably the sweetest thing I've ever read. Thank you so much, I have tears in my eyes. I don't even know what to say. 

I'm so sorry I haven't updated the fic yet! I'm trying to write it, I promise.

I feel sorry for your cousin as well. This fic is huge hahahaha omg there are so many things going on on AO3 and here hahaha feel free to share your own theories and headcanons, I adore them.

You can write as much as you want and I will read it all, really. Thank you so much, it gives me energy to keep writing and shows me I'm in the right direction. Levi is such a difficult and amazing character, I was always afraid not to do him justice. I mean, would he even like someone like her? I don't think he would fall for a damsel in distress so easily, but our reader is more than the nice rich girl. She has her flaws but she is brave and a little insane. She isn't afraid to go after what she wants and he admires (and fears lol) it about her hahaha.

OMG Levi's chapters are so fun to write, there'll be another one soon (soon like in a chapter or two) and it's going to be lovely. We will see how much he cares about her. I think that Levi and our reader are two completely different people who are right for each other.

Thank you so much, I'm having a better day now hahaha I admit the last weeks were rough, not emotionally, but I had no inspiration to write. I think I'm just tired... but then I read this and now I have ideas again haha thank you <3 I hope you're doing great and I'm sending all the love <3

I have no inspiration for her looks... I mean, I picture her like an OC of mine but she can be whatever you like... and I said that her great grandmother (I think) looked different from people in Paradis because Isayama didn't put a single poc (but Mikasa) on that island. Armin (or was it Sasha?) got really surprised when he saw Onyankopon because they had never seen a black person before hahaha I thought "What if I have an asian reader? A black one?". So the idea was to try to be inclusive. She can be white, latina, black, asian... you decide.

And woooow, your reader looks sooo pretty, I can see her doing the "noble ass bitch" face and people getting intimidated, but she also has kind eyes and Levi would adore them. She is beautiful!

[kae-karo]

{Director’s Cut Ask}

OMG PLEASE GIVE ALL THE DEETS ON THE “Ine-fish-ent” FIC 😭🤍🤍🤍

I reread that fic like once a week, I swear haha 🐠

ITS JUST SO GOOD!

AHHH YES HELLO HI THANK U 💜💜 askldjfjklsdf top tier choice this one was SO much fun to write lmao

for context - send me a fic you want director’s commentary on!

knights of favonius...always so ine-fish-ent - luckae

He just stares, while Kaeya flounders, literally, in the grass.

had to start it off with a pun in case the first one in the title wasn't obvious enough. i think this was my first 'crack treated so seriously that it's no longer crack' fic in genshin? there was a little bit of hand waving and subtle lore worked in, but really the idea behind this one was just...i want to make this as much fun as i can

“Why didn’t you say that it hurt?”

i'm such a sucker for kaeya's nonchalance to an absurd degree about his own pain/suffering/heartbreak/exhaustion, especially when diluc is the one to notice it. and then kaeya has to just downplay diluc's reaction as much as possible so he doesn't have to acknowledge the idea that diluc might care about him

“Ah, of course, how could that have slipped my mind. Certainly my first thought upon meeting you should’ve been ‘by the way, do you happen to be a fish?’”

i just want diluc to be a little unhinged about it all, probably to hide the fact that he's a little unsettled by how attractive kaeya is with a tail lmaooooo. besides the obvious tension between them (as per usual) i also wanted to make sure diluc was, at all times, slightly entranced by kaeya's tail. and, ofc, vehemently in denial about that fact, and trying to blame kaeya for his own attraction lmao

A fish out of water indeed.

i had a great time really leaning into kayea's dramatics in this one - often i let his dramatics be a side effect of like...genuine emotions that he doesn't know how to express, but my goal was a more lighthearted vibe for this fic, so i let his dramatics be more for his own entertainment than some convoluted attempt to show his true feelings

Namely, the sink.

this one is epi-inspired specifically, and literally a cornerstone of this fic in the sense that it set me up for just making as many awkward and embarrassing scenarios for kaeya to get stuck in (and more importantly for diluc to find him in). like, kaeya has spent so long crafting this perfect, aloof, unknowable facade, and it's all shattered magnificently in front of diluc's eyes as he watches kaeya get stuck in a godsforsaken sink lmao. i think that's really a part of what endears diluc to kaeya again too? like, just the sheer vulnerability and seeing behind the curtain in a way kaeya would never allow under typical circumstances, and most of it reminds diluc of when they were kids and kaeya wasn't so distant

“I should’ve left you out in that field,”

“Well, you didn’t.”

if you clocked this as the 'i should've left you on that street corner where you were standing' 'butcha didn't!' meme (x) then u were correct and i commend u for ur miscellaneous meme knowledge

“If you don’t intend to help, then at least leave me to suffer in peace.”

this i think is the first point at which i let kaeya like...actually express his emotions? like, he is mortified, he is way out of his depth (pun intended) and entirely at diluc's mercy, which ultimately is a terrifying thing for him - it's easy enough to keep diluc at a distance when their interactions are limited, to pretend he isn't the same as he was as a kid, but when he's seeing diluc's softer side, it's so much harder for him to deny that he's a caring person. and so much harder to cling to the nonchalance he uses as a proverbial life preserver

and, just as critically, kaeya's show of vulnerability gives diluc the chance to let down his walls as well, if only just a bit. just to laugh at kaeya a tiny bit. and the dam begins to overflow here for both of them, all those old emotions brought back to the surface now that they are, for lack of a better way of putting it, almost forced into vulnerability (kaeya especially)

You didn’t have to do this, not for me. Especially not for me.

ahhh kaeya's old nemesis, a degraded sense of self-worth (especially around diluc). the idea that diluc might be a caring person is perfectly reasonable, the idea that he might care about kaeya though? unthinkable. being presented with tangible proof of that only serves to short-circuit kaeya's thoughts even further. also, pool is a great resource for eventual smut :)

“Do you want to turn back?”

while i didn't harp in either direction on kaeya's adjustment to the merfolk body, i didn't want it to be an easy thing for him to decide on. he has to skirt the truth, a little bit - that he does miss aspects of this - while acknowledging that there are things he would have to give up entirely if he stayed in this form. i think i ultimately knew he'd choose to turn back, but he'd miss it anyway, having his tail back

Maybe hopes that he’ll run, because Kaeya is not entirely sure how to handle having Diluc’s attention when disdain is not involved.

my favorite flavor of kaeya is denial. it is an absolutely terrifying prospect to face the idea that diluc might not hate him, even worse to consider diluc actually liking him, and i think a lot of that falls into this place of comfort for him. he knows that if diluc dislikes him, then there's no chance to hurt him again, and he knows exactly what to expect in terms of diluc's distaste. but if diluc doesn't dislike him, that opens up all kinds of avenues for pain for both parties involved, and kaeya fears that deeply

Kaeya inhales slowly when Diluc pulls his hand away, and Kaeya supposes that he does hypocrisy quite well.

i like a self-aware kaeya? to a degree, anyway. he only lets himself find any kind of awareness for his own emotions when he observes that same thing in the other person - with diluc, it's only if he starts to believe there's a chance diluc actually doesn't hate him. and he absolutely knows when he's being a hypocrite lmao. i think this is partly where a fun contrast comes in between kaeya and diluc, too - kaeya knows his emotions, knows he's a hypocrite. diluc...less so, i think. he fights with his feelings til they settle, while kaeya acknowledges them for long enough to bury them (until they crawl back to the surface without his permission)

Diluc is perfectly relentless,

i talked abt this briefly in another director's commentary, but i find diluc to be the kind of character who holds everything back, then - with the right burst of emotions - all of that explodes. there's less caution, more direct action, whereas kaeya is the type to doubt just a little more? specifically with diluc, but he strikes me as more conservative, more uncertain that his affections are returned, and that ends up manifesting more in his actions when the proverbial dam breaks

“You don’t like me.”

this scene actually ended up more challenging for me than i originally anticipated? i really wanted to encompass kaeya's reservations and doubts without making the whole interaction excessively deep and angsty, and give diluc the space to figure out how to express his emotions in a way that kaeya could hear and accept without it feeling sudden or out of character. ultimately, i went for kaeya provoking diluc, and diluc showing his affection via obviously false denial/avoidance and action which typically suits him far better than words

“They certainly don’t teach that kind of thing to ten-year-olds,”

absolutely critical to make this smut as embarrassing as possible. ofc kaeya has no idea how to have sex in this form lmao. again, really tho, it all comes back to giving kaeya a particular brand of vulnerability that he'd otherwise never have around diluc - apparently, giving him a tail is a requirement lmao

“Yes, Luc. Please fuck me, I’m getting impatient.”

for me, kaeya always has a breaking point - it's not necessarily like diluc's, but there's always a point at which he falls from 'obvious, self-hindering doubt' into 'full acceptance that this is happening and he wants it', and the second he's over that line, he's into it. usually it requires like. diluc-with-his-cock-out levels of obviousness, but ultimately it's some action on diluc's part, and likely because kaeya knows him well enough that actions speak far louder than words

“You didn’t even thank the dear alchemist,” he chides, and Diluc’s stare turns hard.

once again, the goal was to make this story as comedic and fun as possible, including accidental interruptions lmao. and kaeya, ever the tease

Kaeya suspects it’ll be the latter, but he’s always had an especially naive brand of hope when it comes to Diluc.

actually this line basically sums up the way i characterize kaeya - he has it set in his head, what he thinks he knows about diluc, and beneath that, what he does know about diluc. and surrounding it all, he hopes anyway, and all those thoughts and tidbits of knowledge run counter to each other in ways that kaeya consistently fails to reconcile - but at the end of it all, i think he ultimately always has this hope that diluc will be how he was, that he'll like kaeya again, or tolerate him a little more at least

“Just stay.”

between the two of them, i think once there's some sort of acceptance on both parts, diluc tends to be the more forward. not so much that he's great at words, but unlike kaeya - who will come up with every excuse under the sun for why whatever admission or activity that just happened was not a true reflection of diluc's emotions - diluc will just. bluntly state it and make them both acknowledge it

“What do you say, Master Diluc. Care to join me?”

very important to know that, now that albedo has crafted an anti-fish potion, he's managed to backwards-engineer a potion to turn kaeya into his merfolk form. diluc has purchased quite a few of both types and blatantly refuses to answer albedo's questions as to why. kaeya finds it endearing and very hot that diluc likes him both as a fish and not - and they do absolutely traverse out to the ocean so kaeya can swim properly. he spends a whole day out there sometimes, diluc sat on the beach after he's grown tired of swimming along with kaeya, and kaeya will go as far and deep as he reasonably can before returning. the best of both worlds, in a sense, though they definitely still keep the pool

send me a fic you want director’s commentary on!

#luckae #genshin #genshin impact #genshin fic #ask game #fic game #ask #go-ask-ash #fic directors commentary

[jay-and-dean]

Hey J! I would love to hear your opinion on something. You write Dean so well that I feel pretty confident to ask you. (I mean you must know something about his way of thinking,his way of behave..I can proudly say that you have a master in Dean's psychology ok?🤣) I wanted to ask you,apart from the Destiel situation(this is another conversation) in your opinion,why the authors never gave him a real love story? They tried with Lisa..it just didn't work, they had 0 chemistry in my opinion. Cassie otherwise, was really interesting and I would even liked Jo, but the writers just decided against it. Probably they never gave the brothers a true relationship because it wasn't the main focus of the show and the fandom maybe wouldn't have liked it. Anyway I was just thinking that in 15years we have never actually seen Dean's romantic side and given the complexity of his character, it still feels like a whole part of him is missing,a piece of him that we never really got to see. What do you think about it? How would you have handled his love life? Do you think that is better that he never had a real one?

Hey Anon !

First of all, thank you so much for trusting me and for your kind words.

It's actually fun that you say I have a Master in Dean's psychology (I'm actually a professional Irl).

Now regarding Dean, all I can do is give you my personal opinion. But since you asked for it, here it is (sorry it will be a little long) :

I. Supernatural

First of all, I will talk about the general theme of the TV show. Most say, including the writers themselves, that Supernatural is about family. This alone, I guess, could explain the focus on the family relationships than love, in the romantic sense of the word.

II. Quests

But, this is not all. For me, Supernatural is an initiation story. And in that way, the focus is put on the theme of redemption.

II. 1 Sam

The redemption of Sam, who is the "gifted", like a lot of other characters in literature, the one who is too gifted to fit in, the one for whom it is a curse (Being good at school, highly sensitive, that prevents him for fitting in his own family codes, then the gift of boyking Sam, the "mark" of Demon blood and the "link" to the big Bad, very like a Harry Potter figure). His own quest will be to overcome the idea that he is unclean and finally use his gifts to define who he is and not just to fit in (In that he is really close to the journey of high IQ kids in real life). Sam's quest is personal, and as long as he can't "fit" with himself, how could he with a partner ?

II. 2 Dean

Dean... Dean has the exact opposite quest. Dean is the kid that forgot himself to fit in (in psychology, we call them the sacrificed child). He is the one who wasn't given an individuality, and therefore, no true free will. Supernatural really explores this theme until the ultimate quest, against God himself. You can note that the only relationship showed in the Supernatural was, once again a "prescript" which he can't invest exactly because it is. Dean's quest is individuality and freedom. In that way, it seems pretty logical that can't link himself to yet somebody else, as long as he didn't "kill" the father figure that is keeping him a slave of their will.

III. Sacrifice

Now, something else, in my opinion is standing between Dean and a serious love interest : Dean Winchester is a sacrificial figure. He seems himself like an appendix to his brother's story, he is expendable. So in his mind, I think, he doesn't even occurs to be the architect of his own fulfillment.

IV. His girls

I agree that Lisa and Dean had not an extraordinary chemistry, and, for me, it serves the story just perfectly. Lisa is barely a person, she is an idea, an ideal. Lisa represents "apple pie" life itself. She represent what the show sells us as a goal, a perfection when it is obviously like trying to make a fish live in a tree. Dean needed this prerequisite to continue his initiation. Dean leaving her is him closing the door on a fantasy that was holding him back since childhood, because he is the one who lost it.

Jo happens in the beginning of the show and, for me again, she couldn't work. She lives in the steps of her own mother and is not the "free" alterity Dean needs to grow.

Now okay but which girl could help Dean in his quest ?

In my opinion, someone who is "free" from his own prison. Someone stranger to the issues Dean struggles with, that open his view and gives him individuality (Cassie was a good try, but way too early in his journey).

V. This side of Dean

I agree. Dean is complex, and I could talk about him for hours (if you read until this point, you know... and bravo) and getting to see this side of him would have been great. Just because we love him so much that we want to experience everything of him.

I explore this in my fics with the greatest pleasure, and I could write about Dean falling in love all my life.

Dean's personality includes radical contrasts : The highest sense of responsibility, alternated with moments when he shelters himself in childhood for example. So I'm pretty sure that for a true love to occur, the woman (or man, gender really doesn't matter) would have to be able to reach those both sides of him. I see them sitting with cross legs eating candies in front of Scooby Doo.

Cockiness and insecurity is another contrast. Leadership and habit of submission to authority (I'm talking of the sexual way this time). Sensible vs rational. Adventurous but home-loving warrior that loves comfort...

Dean romantic side would be so complex. And after a very long answer no one asked for, I'm going to have to answer the most annoying thing : If you want to know how I picture Dean in a romantic relationship, mix my fics. That is literally what I dedicated my blog to exploring.

The individuation from his father's plan in Love me once, shame on me.

His quest of the stranger in Captive.

His struggle with apple pie life in Knocked-up.

His fight for free will in Greater Good.

The deconstruction of his culture in Rescue you...

God that sounds vain, I swear I am not, just passionate.

I have to conclued by saying I have no problem with Destiel but this is indeed, another subject. And that all of this is just my opinion.

Thank you so so sooo much for this ask and please forgive the 1k words answer and the OCD presentation.

Keep being so awesome.

Love love,

Jay

#jay answers #dean winchester #dean's romantic life #only my opinion

[bumbershots]

A CERTAIN ROMANCE

CHAPTER ONE: JUEVES

Author’s note: Hello! I’ve decided to give it a go, this is my first chaptered fic in this website. This story just occurred to me a while ago and I’ve tried my best to make some sense out of the concept which honestly is forever changing on my mind. I hope you don’t find many grammar mistakes, if you do please let me know. Enjoy! (:

Story masterlist ** Word count: 2.3K ** 

It's been years since Harry last had to use the tube, but it's not as hard as he thinks, buying the ticket was fairly simple and soon enough he was sitting on the train comfortably. The northern line wasn't too busy, no delays were announced through the speakers, his journey to Ladbroke Grove station was going to last around thirty six minutes. He suddenly can't remember how long the ride would be on a car. Maybe it's time to start using the London Underground a bit more, contributing to saving the planet, lessen his carbon footprint. With all the aeroplanes he takes a year, he should use it from now onto the rest of his life, he thinks with a bit of guilt.

He changes to the Hammersmith and city line with ease, passing by lots of people, no one truly pays attention to him. The school girls that would usually come up to him and ask for a picture are too busy gossiping among themselves, the grown up adults that are more fond of his solo work are too immersed into their own thoughts about annoying bosses. Harry likes to blend into the crowd that's gathered now at the station and awaits for the train. In the eyes of the others, he's just another guy patiently waiting for the train to hop on and get to his destination. Even though he was on his way to meet with the team that will take care of his house renovation, a property valued approximately on £4.175 million.

The train arrives and he follows the multitude that pile into the wagon, he isn't lucky to find a seat this time but doesn't mind as he finds a good spot to lean against, the doors close just as he skips the ABBA song he doesn't feel like listening at the moment and settles for Hanson instead. He bops his head along the tune before slipping back the mobile in his pocket, eyes traveling along the passengers' faces, trying to guess what they're up to.

A group of lads wearing the Tottenham jersey discuss the latest game, one of them praising Kane's goal and regretting him missing the next match. Harry knows a thing or two about football, he even plays it regularly with his friends not so far away from his home, but he doesn't keep up with Manchester United, perhaps he can do that from now on he thinks before letting his gaze fall upon the pack getting down on Baker Street and the few ones hopping on. Most of them are tourists chatting about the Sherlock Holmes museum, the singer smiles, remembering the first time he visited it with his family, many years ago. Sometimes he longs for those days to be back, so he can do the typical touristy things with the people he loves the most once in a while or have a date without a good amount of lenses focused on his every move.

Not that he regrets being a well known musician, actor, model. It comes with a lot of perks. But he's just moving on from a breakup that might have been his fault. He's a workaholic for sure, even though he's supposed to be taking it easy, his mind can't help but keep throwing song ideas for the next album. That is why Jeff suggested the home renovation, knowing that the project will keep him busy for about three months, maybe more if the contractors up sell their ideas.

Harry makes his way out of the station in one piece and without being spotted, he checks the address again on his phone, confirming the place where the meeting will be held is within walking distance and makes his way before choosing a Pink Floyd song for the six minute walk. He pulls his coat tighter around him, relishing in the forever changing weather of the city, this time he will stay and enjoy it in full, maybe even delight in the autumn too, have his mum over for a couple of weeks, maybe he'll even stay longer and take her to the ice rink.

Just as Harry plots on where to go when his favourite person pays him a visit, he reaches the private front garden off a beautiful car-free garden square. He remembers to text Jack, who doesn't take long to appear in the distance and unlock the gate for his friend.

"You're impossibly early mate," the man greets with an amused chuckle.

"Sorry, had to take the tube because of what you said about car-free development, probably miscalculated the time." Harry admits sheepishly, scratching the back of his neck as Jack leads the way through the garden. "Is this where they filmed Notting Hill?" He wonders with another look around.

"Couple of scenes that didn't make the cut, our neighbour Mrs. Black will tell you all about it, if you happen to run into her around Hugh Grant's birthday." Harry laughs as they reach a private entrance with a well-maintained front garden adorning the forepart of the property, he follows Jack inside the home where a strong coffee scent greets them both.

The musician quickly scans the large open plan kitchen/reception room with large glass sliding patio doors to a delightful independent garden where a round table is surrounded by four mismatching chairs. He doesn't remember Jack's old place, but it certainly didn't look as the dream home they're standing in right now.

"Thanks for agreeing to do the meeting here mate," Harry's words are sincere his companion can tell, he tries to shove it off as if it's nothing, handing him the mug with coffee while he pours another one for himself, "I know it can be a handful, the NDAs too." Now he's almost blushing.

"We should be thanking you H, work from home for the next couple of months, my dream come true." Jack manages to make him laugh and feel at ease again, just before the steps of a third party come from the stairs and grow closer towards them. "Just in time, Harry this is Fernando Gonzalez, my housemate and architect of the team." He introduces the tall man to his friend and watches them shake each other's hand, "Fernando this is our client, Harry Styles."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Mr. Styles," his voice is soft and melodic, like an aerophone instrument.

"Please call me H, all my friends do," the musician knows this is business, but he wants to have fun too, like Jeff suggested. And the guy looks way too young to be calling him Mister Styles.

"I warned you Fer, he likes to keep it easy, breezy." Jack says motioning both of them to follow his lead and sit down in their dining table that is covered with house design magazines, floor plans of Harry's home and a couple of what the pop star assumes are sketch notebooks. "Alright, tell us about your vision for this project." In all honesty, Harry doesn't know how to answer that.

He fights the urge to say that he had purchased the property knowing that not much is needed to be done to the décor. The style and the flow of the house is already lovely. After a quick glance at the plan he thinks that maybe, more room is needed and, most importantly, a new kitchen-dining-living space that would be grand enough to entertain in, but cosy enough to be the central 'hub' of his home.

"The windows, for starters, have to be replaced." He begins with a tone so confident that the pair before him don't suspect he's improvising the whole thing. "New bathrooms, perhaps from Lusso Stone, demolish an existing rear extension from the top and design and build an entirely new expansive ultra-modern one, like the one at Lou's home." Jack nods understanding what he means, "I also want a kitchen diner extension, pink granite worktops, if possible." Harry finishes before grabbing one of the magazines and starts flipping pages just to look busy.

The whole project can take six months, they let him know, through the summer and autumn. He's elated at achieving double the time he hoped for in the beginning.

"We'll send the paperwork to your team and see you next week to sign it once they approve it," Jack concludes the meeting as they all finish their coffee. "Are you busy on the nineteenth?" His friend's voice is warmer now that he's not on business mode, it makes Harry smile.

"I don't think I am, why?"

"It's Freddie's birthday, you should come, catch up with the lads," Harry nods while thinking about it, a bit unsure because it has been a while since he's seen the rest of the pack, he's not sure they'll welcome him just like that. "They're always asking about you, could be like old times, lads doing laddy stuff," the green eyed musician chuckles at that, not sure if he wants to go back to those activities of their youth.

"Sure I'll go, text me the address a few days before," his friend nods in approval to his request, "I better get going, I have to pick up my sister for dinner, see you both next week." The youngest nods and shakes Harry's hand before Jack leads the way out the house and square. The sun is setting now and the sky is a mix of pink and purple hues just as the two men bid their goodbyes until they meet again in a week's time.

Harry scolds himself for buying a one way ticket earlier instead of sorting out an Oyster card, he'll do that next time, he thinks before stepping into the train and finding a seat in the middle section of it. Led Zeppelin is a good soundtrack for his journey back home, for some reason he is craving the powerful, noisy, speedy rebellion that came with the band's songs, he loved to get so lost in the music that whatever activity he did came in second, every single time. Which is why he almost didn't get off at the King's cross stop, he hurried out of the vehicle, laughing to himself for being so immersed into the music.

The way back to the northern line was now familiar, but not as busy, he decided not to walk too fast after confirming that he had enough time to go home and take a shower before going over to Gemma's. Waiting at the platform he decides to change his playlist, again. Just as he's about to settle for Wings, out of the corner of his eye he spies what the person next to him is listening to and he stops from hitting play on his own device.

The who.

It's been ages since he heard them, three years if he is being honest. The train arrives and the girl next to him puts her phone in her coat pocket as she prepares to board the wagon, Harry does the same, but instead of training his eyes on the descending passengers, he lets them focus on her. She's wearing a nice burgundy coat, a black newsboy cap, high-waisted jeans with a blue polka dot blouse tucked underneath them. She's much shorter than he is, probably about Helene's height, he thinks as they make their way inside.

Without meaning to, he follows her and leans on the wall, across from her. She doesn't seem to notice how his stare is burning holes into her face, he's itching to ask her where did she buy the red boots she's wearing. Harry knows the moment he speaks to her, it will all go to shit. Some of the school girls sitting nearby might recognise his voice, his dimple could pop out to play and give him away too. She might also think he's a creep and kick him in the shin, leaving a nasty bruise that would heal in about a week, unlike the invisible one in his ego.

"Are you telling me, you developed a ten feet tall crush on someone you saw on the tube?" Gemma asks later that night, her fork full of linguine was stopped mid-air, making her brother roll his eyes but nod bashfully. "I'm speechless." The fork resumes its trajectory and she chews her pasta slowly.

"It happens to everyone, only because you both know that there's almost no chance to see each other again." Harry shrugs and bites a piece of bread, still feeling weird about the situation.

"Did she make eyes at you?"

"What?" He's completely taken off guard by his sister's question, his northern accent coming out and making him drop the 't' at the end.

"Yes, did you flirt with each other making eyes," Gemma's eyelashes flutter as if she was a Disney princess meeting her love interest for the first time, Harry shakes his head in denial, "what was it then?"

"I don't know! It was weird, couldn't take my eyes off of her but... she didn't even notice, I sound like a dirty man," he does, his sister agrees but the pink spots on his cheekbones tell a different story.

"I once had a crush like that, with a cashier at Waitrose," she remembers before sipping her wine, "he was nice to look at, one day he wasn't there anymore, just like that." Gemma sighed and took her younger sibling's hand on hers before adding. "If our lives were a Nicholas Sparks novel, perhaps we would be getting ready to have a date with those lovely people but..." Harry laughed and gave her hand a gentle squeeze.

"How's the sunnies collaboration going?" He asked before taking the last of his gnocchi. Listening to his sister talk about things that she enjoyed was the highlight of his days, he managed to push his silly underground crush to the back of his mind.

But there was the truth of what Harry couldn't see, or say. He'd probably like to have a shot with a girl like that and if Gemma could only see her, she would agree. Agree that there might be a story around there.

///

Let me know if you like the story! *** Join the taglist!

///

Next chapter

#harry styles #harry styles fanfiction #harry styles oc #harry styles series #harry styles fan fic #harry styles ou #harry styles imagine #a certain romance

[mikauzoran]

So I might've read every single MLB fic you have on AO3 that wasn't Adrien/Luka, and some that were... there are a few that seem abandoned (or maybe hiatus?) so I was just curious if you intend to continue any of them. Particularly The Rejects Club, it stole my heart, but I'm aware you're working on other fics and projects and probably work full time as well! Your writing style is fantastic and I hope you continue to have fun with it all! <3 <3

Thank you! I'm really glad you enjoy my work. ^.^

So, every few months I do a status update here on Tumblr with all of my current WIPs and where I'm at with them and what new projects are coming out in coming months. I tag it "status update" and "Mikau's WIP", so you can check out those tags if you're ever wondering what I'm working on.

I just did an update today which you can find here.

(The rest is a brutally honest, TMI status update on Rejects and Springtime and me that got too long, so I'm putting it under the cut. ^.^;)

Honestly, I'm in really bad shape mentally. I work full time at a law firm where the stress level is toxic. A lot of days I dread getting out of bed. Writing is kind of an escape from that.

At this point, Rejects and the Springtime in Wonderland universe stories put me in really bad headspace. They cause me stress and anxiety, and I don't feel well when working on them at the moment.

2019 was a bad mental health year for me, and I was able to use writing to sort through some of that. Back then, Rejects and Springtime were kind of cathartic, but then they turned into a sort of unhealthy rumination on my negative feelings, so I put them aside until I felt better mentally and felt like I could work on them again without causing damage to myself.

2020 was hell. I think it was hell for everyone in unique and horrible ways. I personally lost eight family members and a close family friend during that time, so I'm still grieving and processing and trying to get back to "normal". Right now, my main goal is trying to feel safe leaving my house and being around people again.

So that's where we are. I'm not in good shape, but I'm working on it, and it's getting better. I'm working really hard to manage work and my health, and in my free time I'm writing things that help me process my feelings and make sense of my world.

I know you didn't mean me harm, so I'm not angry at you at all or anything, so no worries. You're very sweet, and I'm so happy that you enjoy my work and are eager to read more. I can see that you tried very hard to ask politely and respectfully while acknowledging that I have a full life outside of sharing my work online. I really appreciate that, so thank you. You treating me like a human being means a lot to me.

What you couldn't have known is that you're unwittingly pressuring me to do something that's harmful for me at this point in my life. I know you don't mean to. You just want to know if I'm planning on continuing a story. There's nothing wrong with that in theory. You have no way of knowing the rough state of my mental health and the negative impact forcing myself to work on those stories would have on me, so I just wanted to take the time to sit down and explain it to you and other readers like you who love my work and are eager for a continuation.

I'm sorry. I can't right now. I hope to continue in the future, but I have to take care of myself first and foremost because if there is no Mikau, there are no stories.

Hopefully things will continue to get better and I'll feel stronger and capable of working on epic-novel-length works again in the coming years, but that's not where I am right now.

So please don't ask about updates to my four works on hiatus. At the moment, I have sixty-six completed works for you to enjoy, and there will be others in the coming months. Since I started writing for the Ladybug fandom in January 2019, I've updated something or other almost every week. Some weeks I missed, but there's been an update at least every other week. Sometimes I've updated daily for long stretches at a time. I devote the majority of my free time to writing and posting. There's always something new, so when people ask about my works on hiatus, I always wonder, "Am I not already doing enough? Why isn't what I'm doing enough? I already give them everything I have. What more do they want from me?" I'm updating daily right now, and I don't know what more readers could want from me. Getting messages like yours makes me feel a deep despair and inadequacy. It also makes me feel like people don't appreciate the work I'm already doing. It makes me want to stop sharing my work.

I know a lot of other writers feel similar negative feelings. I know a few people who have dropped out of the fandom because their readers didn't respect that they have lives outside of fandom and badgered the writers for updates. I know people who have deleted the works they had on hiatus and decided to discontinue them so that they wouldn't be bothered by readers anymore.

This is really tragic, and I don't want things to get this bad for me. I don't want to delete Rejects or Springtime because I'd really like to finish them when I'm feeling mentally healthy enough to safely do so.

So. Please don't ask any author about updates. You never know what's really going on in their lives and in their minds. You don't ever want to be the last straw that pushes someone over the edge.

While I appreciate the respectfulness of your inquiry, at the same time, it caused me a lot of anxiety and frustration and depression. In the future, if you want to show your support for an author and their works, leave them a comment and let them know how much you loved their story, what it meant to you. Don't mention updates. Just send them love and remind them that their story means something to someone. Maybe that will get them thinking about the story again and inspire them to write more. Mentioning updating only brings dread and anger and the desire to delete works so that they can't be used by readers to hurt us anymore.

Thanks for reading. It really does make me so happy to hear that my work is still being cherished by people. ^.^

#Mikau #Ask Mikau #Ask #Mikau's Writing Process #Mikau's WIP #Status Update #The Rejects Club #Springtime in Wonderland #Mental Health #TMI Sorry

[tysukis]

Okay hello I am back to get way too into this au! Also I do technically write, in that I love to outline the hell out of something and then never put real stories together. This is my favorite part, and the compliments from you and @zukkau have made my day. :)

I think it was @procrastinatingqueen who mentioned Sokka dating Suki in a Zuko-Left timeline and it got me thinking about the band situation. Let's say the band is three members at first - Sokka, Suki, and Jet. (He's a shit but he deserved better....) Sokka lands them the gig, Suki is adrift and immediately on board to bounce. I like the fanon that the modern Kyoshi Warriors are a roller derby team, but regardless they're not quite an anchor for her and might even push her to take the opportunity. Sokka is the same. I imagine he and Katara are navy brats, they're used to moving and his sister just demands tickets and facetime calls, "No I don't care how tired you'll be."

Jet, though. He's not the primary caretaker on paper for Smellerbee and Longshot but he's the de facto caretaker. He can't just *do* that. So they replace him - Haru? Teo? Jin? I'm not picky, a handful of canon folks would work. So newly single Sokka goes off with Suki and their new bandmate, and Zuko is simmering on the fact that he's touring with his ex and probably always wanted her anyway. (Probably not, I imagine Suki has at least one supportive partner in their hometown, but maybe also yes for drama?) And Jet, who understands commitment to passionate goals and hard-won family, who now also understands the anger of being abandoned by Sokka in some way, is just so conveniently there. Like, they're not healthy together for sure. But Jet would be chill with Zuko keeping his emotional distance (whether real or just perceived) because Jet also does that?

I promised myself I wasn't going to send you a novel and here we are. But I haven't nailed down why they come back - end of tour? Do they piggyback onto another tour immediately or is this a relatively short separation and the aftermath is still messy?

[context]

Hello! Okay, yes, let’s run with this.

(I like that we now definitively have both a Zuko-Leaves Timeline and a Sokka-Leaves Timeline lmao)

I am proposing: front man and lead guitar Sokka, punk drummer Suki, Haru on bass. (If you wanna make it 4 - Teo on keys.) Of course Zuko would assume the worst, what with Sokka and Suki touring together (and probably misjudged Suki’s reasons for how eager and down she was to just up and leave) but we, the audience, know that she has a covert thing going on with fellow-roller-derby-skater Ty Lee; it’s probably pretty low key for the professional sake of the team.

Sokka and Katara growing up being moved from place to place, and therefore Sokka going on a new adventure with minimal reservations makes sense, I approve. Also Katara and Aang would definitely tag along for at least one leg of it for fun until they have to return to whatever careers/education they persue in their own lives.

I LOVE the idea of Jet and Zuko being brought together by scorn (and I love the way you phrased it - seriously dude I know you said you rarely go further in writing than an outline but that’s a tragedy) it slots in nicely with the canon. I’m a big believer that Jet was a traumatised child in the show and I think translating that into him being A Massive Shithead in fics can be a bit of a played out trope. It’s high time for Complex Character But Not Terrible Person Jet™️. I think they’d bond nicely and, in addition, I think because Zuko never got that whole older/younger sibling dynamic growing up he would adapt and be really good with the freedom fighters.

Whilst we’re looking into how the other characters slot in; Toph? Mai? Azula? What are our thoughts for them? I like to think Toph would be the one to set Zuko straight in the end with his constant moping and pining (I think their friendship was and is chronically under-utilised in both canon and fanon) but I can really see it being any of them.

Dw about not sending a novel, I’m happy to talk about this au all day frankly. I can see them being gone for a while, long enough for Sokka to assume Zuko has moved on etc. I’ve had multiple suggestions for why they come back but a common one is the good ol’ visiting the family excuse. Galaxy brain rachel @zukkababey immediately suggested tis the damn season by taylor swift as a fitting song and I think that works really well - idk if they’d celebrate Christmas per se but I can deffo see them coming back for at least some holiday or celebration. (perhaps an important birthday or graduation?)

#musician au #for anyone who missed it last night I am Still Thinking About This #thank u anon u know ur welcome any time #answered