#the only valid barbie meme

[gyudons]

#real #the only valid barbie meme #gritty #philadelphia flyers #hockey #nhl

[bonnielass23]

#fdtd #from dusk till dawn the series #fdtd crack #Scott Fuller #Carlos Madrigal #Barbie meme #Barbie #I just want to make it clear that being a Barbie is like being a Derry Girl #It's not about what's in your pants #it's a state of mind #and Scott is the only valid male Barbie in the show okay #Help I can't stop! #I still have like 4 other pairs to do

[borisbubbles]

Eurovision 2023: #18

18. AUSTRIA Teya & Salena - "Who the hell is Edgar?" 15th place

Decade ranking: 51/116 [Above Ronela, below Jeangu]

OOOOOH MIO PADRE, I'VE GOTTA ROAST ME SOME BARBIES, ooooooooooh no.

It does NOT pay to be funny, sadly. Yeah, I wish I didn't have to go there, but sometimes the stars just don't align. With Loreen and Pasha being reunited and the year generally being mediocre, Liverpool 2023 already had enough parallels with Baku 2012. The "preshow obsession has a disappointing live" part I could have done without.

Like seriously. Was there ever a more slam-dunk end of contest favourite for me than TeyaLena? (well other than You Know Who, but we'll get there). My recent faves were Think About Things, Shum and In Corpore Sano. All uptempo, all enjoyable, all secretly very clever entries, eating and mothering (or in Da­ði's case brothering) as THE act on everyone's lips as the dust settled. Edgar was one of two entries who could have been The One for this year!!! But as Poe Poe Poe became Poo Poo Poo I'm forced to pack up my praise pen and bring out my critical analysis quill :-/

Fortunately, like the ladies, I am such a good writer, so enjoy this lengthy review, which is more like a vivisection:

ON THE FLAWS OF 'WHO THE HELL IS EDGAR?'

The first instinct would be to say that the song was impossible to bring, but I don't buy into that logic. "Edgar" was great, a vision, and absolute fucking BANGER. That's the hill, I'll die on. Despite the flaws of its live, I will always cherish it as a song.

Granted, the song was a lot of things at once. That's what made it both iconic and live liability. You try to explain to a layman casual audience member what Edgar is about. How it satirizes the music industry. How self-deprecating it is. What an API is. What an A&R is. What the 0.003 stands for. Now do that in the THIRTY SECONDS TIME FRAME it takes for the video teaser to play. You can't. You can be the best commentator or the most eloquent eurovision-obsessed guncle. Also, you're making me think with your words. Thinking bad. ME WANT ENJOY SHOW. ME WANT GOOD TIME, NO THINK.

So, there's two approaches you can take here, if you play to win.

The first by embracing the campness and going full ham, which how the televote countries would handle it. Your Moldovas, Ukraines, Finlands, Serbias, Norways. Hand Edgar over to one of them, and TeyaLena would start bent over a laptop or typewriter, harrassed by ravens or men in Edgar Allen Poe costumes, who would so a possessed zombie dance while TeyaLena try to escape the clutches.

Naturally, such an act requires less effort from the performers and could be seen as an easy cop-out by juries (die, juries!) and result in a loss of points and well, Austria don't play that way. Austria don't have a built in televote base and feel they are better off playing for the same juries that would normally reject an Edgar.

So instead they went for option two: embrace the hyperpop and try to build momentum off its hyperactivity. Fair enough, that's less interesting and safe, but a valid choice that can result in a very good time.

On this occasion though, it was a MISTAKE.

The best part about Edgar was the combination of dumb hyperpop memes with clever satire, and the staging ignored the latter completely. It showed Edgar Allan Poe TWICE, and then spliced in the Spotify reference in the background without context. That was all the act did with the satire. They should have named this song "Where the hell is Edgar?". The vague references only work when the entire audience is already in on the joke, otherwise it's a three mins of braincell murder. If a pleb tuned in blind (over 75% of the audience), tough luck on them for trying to make sense of it all. SHOULD HAVE FOLLOWED ESC ON TIKTOK!!!.

Bottom line: THE STAGING WAS PEDANTIC.

Thematic acts can alleviate that problem. Think Konstrakta's spa tableau vivant, Katryna's tron aureole, the presence of Gagnamagnið on the stage alongside Daði Freyr. This year we had Vesna's hexaplet choreography, Käärijä's ballroom dancers, Loreen's panini press, Gustaph's motivational graphics, even Alika's fucking self-playing piano applies to this principle. All of these did well, the competent ones with juries, the camp ones with the tv. Intuitive but thematically fitting visual cues that instinctively get the vibe across without requiring the audience to ponder it too deeply (or become a parody, I SEE YOU, France.) that's what effecive staging is about. Now compare the above good stagings to what Austria came up with: Four dancers in Samanta Tina garb, some more created by the LEDs in the background, and a VERY basic choreography. This is not a just simplification but a dumbing down. Every visual cue comes across as nonsensical, because nothing quite ties it together with the music. If only the song itself had provided us with a clear visual reference point, huh?

Of course, a dumbed down staging concept could still yield a good result despite itself if the live was teeming with energy and bounced off in every direction to match the music. Folks would be voting based on pure performance skill and nothing else. After all, Ewnicorn bluffed its way into third on that very principle. Sadly, neither Teya nor Salena were versed in the art of singing and dancing at the same time.

So ultimately, you're given this awkward performance where Teya acted really well and produced delectable facial expressions - I mean who doesn't love THIS:

-but failed to harmonize with Salena, while Salena hit most of her notes but clearly struggled with the Dietmann's simplistic, toddler-like choreography, like a Leila Jane or Mirud on stilts. Nice that they complimented each others weaknesses by showcasing opposite talents, but if you wanna do well just get yourself a girl who can do both.

And there we have it, Teya and Salena. High Risk, High Reward usually plays out for the better, but this is one such occasion where the high risk was avoided and the just reward was a disappointing score on the middle of the scoreboard. Such is the price of not embracing your queer-coded campness in Eurovision. We have landed in mild-like hell, just like Nina Zilli and Jonsi and all the others that I wish I could love more, but sadly did not live up to their initial hype. That too is life. Onward to better things, and things will surely get good as we move forward, right?

THE RANKING

#Eurovision 2023 #Eurovision Song Contest #ESC #ESC 2023 #Liverpool 2023 #Eurovision #Austria #Teya and Salena #Who the hell is Edgar? #Edgar Allen Poe #Youtube

[butchbarbieagainstterfs]

So an movie news site posted an edit of barbenheimer stuff (it's barbie and Oppenheimer with like the fire that happens in bomb blasts)

and some Japanese people said it was uncomfy to see a children's toy being used to promote a movie about nuclear warfare as a funny joke

Which is VERY valid because as a lot of Barbenheimer memes make fun of the blasts and mushroom clouds

But there are Americans being racist about it because of course they are, they keep going "we'll do it a third time" whenever they can

(Japanese people weren't the only ones effected, the test bomb gave a lot of people in New Mexico cancer and worse but they don't care about those effected because "USA No.1!!!")

Oof that’s gross.

But yeah that’s part of the reason I didn’t go and see Oppenheimer in the end. I didn’t fully know the history behind it at first but when I did, I felt uncomfy with it and I stopped engaging with any Barbenheimer stuff.

Obviously I’m not sure how it frames the whole thing and I probably can’t 100% judge a film I haven’t seen, but yeah I decided to skip it. I was always way more interested in Barbie anyway. It doesn’t surprise me at all that American racists are being like that about it though.

#personal #racism tw

[yasmindifference]

so I had lunch with one of my brothers today and it has me feeling some kind of way about all those snide posts/comments people make trashing common fanon interpretations of the batfam, especially the batboys

you know, the kind of posts like “wish we could get some batfam written by people who actually have siblings” or “op is an only child for sure” or, my personal not-favorite, “siblings don’t work like that”

like, I get being frustrated by what you perceive as an unrealistic portrayal and I know fanon can in general be irritating, especially if something you particularly hate becomes very popular (not naming names bc I don’t want to bring on that storm lmao but I have a fanon thing I hate a lot)

but sometimes I want to shake those people and give them that meme, you know, your experiences are not universal

just because you don’t have a sweet, supportive relationship with your sibling(s) doesn’t mean no one does. there’s no One Way that siblings interact, there’s no Way Siblings Are! no two relationships, platonic or otherwise, are the same!! human beings don’t work that way!!!!

case in point: I’m from a really big family with lots of siblings. this morning, one of my brothers sent me a link to an article about a new restaurant in the area that he thought I’d like and suggested we go there for lunch. he picked me up and we spent an hour at the restaurant and then two hours at the starbucks down the street (the restaurant was pretty crowded, we didn’t want to hog the table), and we had a great time. this is super common for us because we get along great, we’ve always had a close and friendly relationship.

I have another brother who’s a terrible person. if he were on fire, I’d genuinely have to think about it before spitting on him.

I have a sister I talk to every day and a sister I only talk to when we’re literally in the same room (which doesn’t happen often). I also have a sister I get along okay with now but our teenage years were full of screaming fights and hair-pulling. she also stole my favorite barbie in 1997 and no I haven’t forgiven her yet

so much variety! in one family! imagine how much variety there is in all the families all over the world!!

tl;dr: leave fanon batbrother opinions alone, they’re not any less valid than yours. thanks for coming to my ted talk.

#yasmin.txt #might delete this later #i was just hit by a sudden rush of annoyance #i can't find it now but i saw one of those posts last night and u g h your view of sibling relationships is not more valid than anyone elses #just don't be jerks on people's fics/posts #it's not that hard #and yes even though i strictly write jaytim i also like the batfam as actual fam #i have layers ok??? #and now i gotta go do the chores i neglected to spend three hours at lunch lmao

[barbieidol]

💭 + fears

daphne is deeply afraid of rejection ( & irrelevancy ). she is in no way, shape or form used to it & not letting it bury her is her hardest challenge as a human. as an artist, the realization that she might not be good enough to make it in the real world is extremely scary. it's only because she loves what she does with every fiber of her being & because she's very stubborn that she picks herself up over & over again & is determined to be the best she can be. fear can either cripple or motivate her & she has to keep making the conscious choice for the latter. but no matter how good she gets, she will always be scared of becoming irrelevant. of working in vain & not living up to this world's standards, which are very different from barbie land standards.

that's a good transition into her fear of imperfection. it's why words of affirmation keep her thriving, too. whether she likes it or not, she spent most of her existence building her confidence & drive off of external validation & if that goes away for good, she's scared she'll be left with nothing.

in her personal relationships, this translates to her needing some reassurance every now & then. & attention. she also needs open communication aka she will badger you to speak up if something's wrong so she can fix it. being daphne, leaving things in the air & letting herself overthink or give into anxiety is not an option, she's definitely not afraid of confrontation.

meme

#cowg1rls #( hc ) #you'd never even guess she used to be a barbie #this is not painfully obvious at all

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #284

“mama, we’re all full of lies / mama, we’re meant for the flies”

When was the last time you changed a lightbulb? About a month or so back I had to change Venus’ heat lamp. Who was the last person you sent an e-mail to? I emailed my older sister the OneDrive link to her holiday pictures I did. When was the last time you visited the dentist? What about the optician? It’s been quite a few months since I went to the dentist for a normal cleaning. I haven’t seen an eye doctor in around a year or so because it’s a less pressing matter, and we can’t afford to buy me new glasses anyway. I desperately need them. Do you sleep on your side, your back or your front? My side, stomach, or like a contortion of both. Would you rather drive or be the passenger? Let me be shotgun controlling the music and I’m set for a long ride. When was the last time you received a handwritten letter? Sara sent me one I think two years ago for my birthday. If you have pets, do you buy them gifts for Christmas or their birthdays? Ha, yes. We don’t know either’s exact birthday though, so we don’t really “celebrate” those. Do you know how to ride a bike? How about ride a skateboard? A bike, yeah. I don’t know how to skateboard, though. Did you get enough sleep last night? How much sleep is enough sleep for you? No. I don’t even know what “enough sleep” is. I’m always tired. What are your favourite condiments? Do you use those often? Ketchup and honey mustard probably top the list, considering they’re the ones I use most. Peanut butter: crunchy or smooth? Do you have a favorite brand? I trust no one who can enjoy crunchy peanut butter. I like Skippy quite a bit. Do you have any life-threatening allergies? No. Have you had to take a COVID test yet? Was it positive or negative? I haven’t needed to take one. Do you think it’s okay to keep cats indoors for their entire lives? They SHOULD be. Cats are very destructive and disruptive predators of once-stable environments. They fuck up the food chain and have done a lot of damage to native populations. This is coming from a person whose house was an absolute NEST for cats to the point they were taken away. They lived outside, and I can only imagine the harm they really caused. Of course, as a kid, I didn’t understand this, but as an educated and experienced adult when it comes to this subject, it’s saddening to look back on. Please, keep your cats inside. AND FIXED. Hence our cat empire lmao. Do you think people should need a license in order to keep animals, just to make sure they knew how to properly take care of them? That would actually be LOVELY. If only. Not that it would entirely prevent illegal ownership, but I like to think most people are law-abiding citizens… Which meal of the day is your favorite? What’s your favorite thing to eat for that meal? BREAKFAST! Cinnamon rolls just gotta top the list. When was the last time you bounced on a trampoline? Would you ever want to go to one of those indoor trampoline parks? It has to have been so, so many years. My knees could NEVER take that now. I’m not interested in that. What’s your favorite thing to put on a baked potato? Butter, American cheese, and bacon bits… yum. Have you ever made money selling stuff online? What was it you were selling? I don’t think so, at least not successfully. Do you have a valid passport? When was the last time you used it? No. What was the last song you sung along to? I’m unsure. I rarely sing along to songs. What was the last piece of fruit you ate? What about the last vegetable? Fruit: apple. Vegetable: ummm I’m actually unsure. Probably broccoli. Have you ever lied to the police or a customs official? Were you ever found out? No. Are you much of a procrastinator, or would you rather get things out of the way so you can relax? I am a HEAVY procrastinator. When was the last time you took an exam of any kind? I don’t know. Probably not since I was in school. What snacks/drinks from your childhood do you wish they still made? Ah man, I know there’s some… just too many to dig through to try and remember. Are you a fan of techno? Yeah, sometimes. Who's your favorite horror movie villain/monster? I don’t particularly like one over the other. What's an 'obsession' of yours that most people would find odd or amusing? Probably how much I love Mark, given that being a “fangirl” is usually seen as juvenile. What's the sweetest thing another person has said or done for you? Probably Colleen letting me live with her while I was homeless for a month or two. Said to me, actually from Colleen’s sister; I was having a crying episode over Jason and she just grabbed my head and told me with such passion that I was so beautiful, strong, and deserved the world. Safe to say I started crying more lmao but at least it wasn’t from sadness. What's the absolute best feeling in the world? Being in love. Does the person you have feelings for know you feel that way? Yeah. Do you like Tim Burton? Um, duh. How do you feel about hypnotism? I don’t believe it works. It’s just the power of suggestion. How do you feel about Pink Floyd? I’m not a big fan, but I like some songs. What’s your preferred way of keeping fit? Is it something you make time to do on a regular basis? You assume I AM fit… but I really am trying to change that with WiiFit again, once the living room is cleaned up. I plan to insert it into my morning routine. Have you ever raised a puppy? Would you want to or would you prefer to adopt an adult rescued dog? Yes, Teddy. Right now I don’t want another dog, but hypothetically, I’d absolutely go for an adult rescue. Who was the last person to come to your house? Were they an expected visitor? My younger sister. Yes. If you work, is your job the same everyday, or does it vary depending on what you have on? N/A Would you ever be interested in owning your own business? Why or why not? Well, I want to be a freelance photographer, so… It’s not off the ground enough for me to *officially* call it a business, but while it’s absolutely so exciting to picture, it’s also very anxiety-inducing, the idea of it (hopefully) getting to that point since I’m dumb as fuck in regards to business stuff. Do you have your driver’s license? If so, did you find it easy or difficult to learn and pass your test? Ugh, I don’t. I need it so badly, I know, but right now, I couldn’t even if I wanted to because my vision is too bad to possibly pass that part, and I can’t afford to see an eye doctor + get a new prescription. If you have pets, how often do you buy them new treats and toys? Venus is a snake, so… yeah, lol. She needs a bigger terrarium, though, but a 40 gallon is expensive. Roman gets a new toy every now and then, but he doesn’t play with them as much anymore. If you had to work a job that required you to do shifts, would you rather work the early, late or night shift? Early. Get it over with. Do you have a favorite type of survey to take? Yeah; I like the ones that make me think or are just questions I definitely haven’t seen before but are also interesting. Some random questions are way too specific to apply to most people. On a typical day, how long do you spend out of the house? Even before the pandemic, usually zero time. Do you live in a close-kit community? Well we’re the new family on the block, so it’s hard to tell quite yet. People were welcoming, though. Do you have a vlog? NOOOOOOOOOO. If not, have you ever considered starting a vlog? No, I would feel WAY too fuckin awkward. Did you go to AM or PM kindergarten? AM. What are your favorite YouTube channels to watch? The whole world knows Markiplier is my true favorite channel, but lately I’ve really been digging pet (particularly reptile or tarantula) channels, Snake Discovery in specific. I’ve been bingeing the fuck outta them. I’ve officially become the “I know more than you” Petco meme lmao. Which relative(s) do you look the most like? Idk. Have you ever watched a live birth video? FUCK no. I never would. That could be so fucking scarring to middle school kids, for Christ’s sake. I’ve never understood why they show them in a lot of health classes. Have you ever given birth? Fuck to the no; never plan to, either. Have you ever wished you were born the opposite gender? Nah. Have you ever worn overalls? Ugh, as a kid. They’re so hideous to me now. If you’re a girl, how old were you when you started your period? I was in the 6th grade, so 11-12. Is your mom mentally stable? I mean she has depression, but otherwise, yeah. What color hair did your first crush have? I can’t really remember who my first crush was with certainty… but I think I might. If I’m right, blond. What was the name of your first crush? ^ in minds, I think Aaron. Did you ever play on Mamamedia.com? Doesn’t ring a bell. Do you remember your first email address? Haha, yeah, it’s still my current one… Did you name your Lego characters? I was more of a Lincoln Logs kid. Do you take medication for anxiety or depression? Both. If so, does it work? Does it help you? Or does it make you feel worse? I’d probably be dead without at least my mood stabilizers. Have you ever had a bag stolen? I don’t believe so. Who was your best friend in high school? Hannia. What book or movie gave you nightmares as a child? Ha, no books or movies, I think, but remember King Ramses from that episode of Courage the Cowardly Dog? Oh, trust me, I HAD NIGHTMARES. What song makes you cry? The most, probably “Eternally Yours” by Motionless In White. I physically cannot listen to it. Does anyone know who your first crush was besides you? Maybe Mom? Idk. How many teachers have you had crushes on? None. Did you make your Barbie dolls get crushes on each other? I actually don’t remember? I don’t think we had any male Barbies, and of course as a little kid raised in the South especially, I didn’t even realize homosexuality was a thing, so we never considered the girls dating. Did your Barbie dolls go on dates? ^ How old were you when you had your first kiss? 16. Do you have scars from self-harm? No, they’re long faded and were thankfully never very severe. Did your hair change at all when you went through puberty? Yep, it gradually turned brown. Are you taller, shorter, or the same height as your mom? We’re the same height. Would you ever consider adopting a child? I don’t want kids, period. The only possible case I see is being a stepmom, but even then I can’t visualize me being one to an actual kid-kid. Just like, maybe a mid-teen and above. Do you trim your own hair? No. What are all the things you remember being for Halloween? I’m very surprised that I don’t remember many at all. I know I was a witch multiple times. What was the name of the first pet that you loved? I adored almost every pet my family has ever had. Our first was a stray cat named Chance we took in. INCREDIBLE animal. What color was your nursery? I have zero clue. Do you exercise regularly? Ugh, no, but I genuinely plan on changing that once the living room is cleaned up and Mom moves into her room. I’m very serious about starting Wii Fit again. I WAS gonna start walking once we moved here, but I found I was too scared to alone. I’m way too paranoid. Do you have a healthy BMI? lol What photo editing software do you use? Lightroom, Photoshop, and very rarely PhotoScape if I’m being lazy with watermarking my photography. Do you live somewhere with lots of livestock or wild animals? Livestock, yeah. You pass cows all the time around here. If you’re in a more wooded area, you’ll find roadkill kinda frequently, sadly. Would you rather live somewhere rural or urban? Rural. It’s the only thing that sucks about our new home – we’re in the suburbs. Is there anything (a hobby, for example) that’s guaranteed to always make you feel better when you’ve had a bad day? Not 100%, really. If the day was truly awful, sometimes nothing helps. If you’re struggling with your mental health, who are you most likely to open up to, or would you bottle it up instead? I vent to my mom the most. What room of your house do you spend the most time in? Is this through choice or necessity? My room, and it’s by choice. The second room that I wanna make my “office” is still LOADED with stuff from moving. If you could design your own garden, what would you have in it? Do you think that dream is ever going to be achievable for you? I don’t want a garden. Does it take you a long time to fall asleep at night? What do you if you’re really struggling to get to sleep? It can take me very, very long. I dread lying down some nights just because I know I’ll be tossing and turning for a good while. If I’ve tried to sleep for a long time to no avail, I do what you shouldn’t do and get back on the laptop. Do you think it’s cruel when people keep exotic animals as pets? Or do you think it’s okay as long as they have the space, time and money to dedicate to them? This depends on the animal and situation. I do believe some rescue cases are justified for the animal’s survival, but as the question mentions, you need to be able to provide adequately for it to be moral imo. I do NOT support exotic pet ownership for the average person. If you eat meat, is there a particular animal you’d never eat? If you don’t eat meat, what’s the reason for it? I could never eat a “pet” animal, nor an animal hunted mostly for sport. Even in survival cases, I’d have a hard time eating a wild animal.

#survey #quiz #questions #questionnaire

[llama-milk-for-the-egg-nog]

Thoughts on Mulan (2020)

Ok so I had heard some stuff beforehand about this movie, but I didn’t wanna let that tint my experience too much, though it kind of did in the form of noticing western influence on certain things. Here’s a list of thoughts more or less in chronological order.  First I wrote these in a notebook, and now I’m putting them here.

The beginning sequence reminds me so much of Kung Fu Huslte

though honestly it might just be that stephen chow’s movies are pretty much the extent of chinese-made media that I watch

Rosalind Chao is here, I’m a Keiko O’Brien stan so she reminded me of DS9

Fa Zhou saying something about “emissary” also reminded me of DS9

The music where the rourans first attack is cool I guess

idk if the brass made the music of the imperial city sound kinda western or what, but it certainly did sound militaristic (which I guess it’s supposed to)

Why does mulan have a little sister instead of a little brother? to add more female characters to the story? she doesn’t really do much though

After mulan’s whole childhood sequence, it cuts to a shot of the witch in the desert, which if you didn’t already know the story, might make it seem like mulan grew up to be the witch

although this makes some sense too bc the movie likes to compare them

the witch twists into a hawk (?), neat!

I saw people earlier comment about both men and women in china (and other parts of the world) keeping their hair long, so when mulan’s hair fell out of place in the matchmaker scene it made me notice that both the men and women also wear their hair up, which in turn causes the part of the movie later when mulan emerges after the avalanche to make way less sense since how would they know she’s a woman?

ok this is the thing I’m upset about, its a small thing but still, Why don’t we get to see the sword form?? If you remember in the animated version, her father does this straight sword form. (It’s a real form, not just made up for the animated movie). So I was like “ok maybe mulan will do it later” and then it NEVER HAPPENED. (possibly she did it during the “make a man out of you” training sequence, but the odd camera angels and quick cutaways make it impossible to tell)

I also had heard earlier that the script was not subtle at all,,,y’all were right

oh look, a phoenix

mulan: “the phoenix”

yes, we know

Commander Donnie Yen Tung’s entrance is iconic

BAHAHFHDSK mulan’s reaction to seeing naked men skjfdk

uh oh,,only 40 minutes in and the forced romance is already upon us

although, in retrospect, the way they resolved it at the end didn’t make me cringe that much

I’m a slut for butterfly kicks

the scene where mulan bathes in the lake has a much more predatory undertone now, especially now that Ling, Chien Po, and Yao are missing

the trio made the scene funny in the animated movie

can the not-Li-Shang-love-interest Honghui please leave Jun/Mulan alone?? ffs

speaking of no Li Shang, I liked the Donnie Yen mentor character half better than the Honghui half

Honghui kind of comes off as a simp ngl

what’s with the witch’s makeup/outfit? are they based on something?

speaking of outfits, awhile ago, I saw a really cool doll alteration video for mulan 2020

Commander Tung’s monologue/ mulan’s and the army’s training sequence about Chi where the words “Tranquil as a forest, but on fire within” are spoken is actually my favorite part of the whole movie. As much as I would have liked a musical remake, I think they translated the visual elements and the words together well in a way that was different enough from the animated version, but still satisfying to watch (at least for me).

They also integrate the music of Reflection here really well imho.  In the animated version, there’s a point where mulan modulates to a higher key, but the live action version doesn’t do that, which further pushes it away from sounding like disney’s classic musical theatre style.  They also changed a few of the notes, and I think the overall changes to Reflection in this part of the movie really improve this montage.

Compared to the Spiderman where they changed the notes from harmonic minor to (normal) minor (idk if that’s the real term I’m not actually a music major) in the MCU opening sequence, the note changes in Reflection don’t actually upset me.

my brain: oh look!! flowers!! cool! whooshhhh (honestly I couldn’t even tell if she was doing flowers right in the first part of the movie until here)

Mulan/Jun is gonna marry Commander Tung’s daughter? Yeah girl!! Get it!

oh look at me I’m a rouran and I gotta turn around on my moving horse to shoot arrows let me just swoOP

1:01:56 WHY ARE YOUR FINGERS IN FRONT OF THE HILT oh ok they fixed in the next shot but its still annoying

Unsubtle phoenix imagery not subtle

I guess I was warned about it :/

oh look its my fav interval a major 7th, I wonder if that’s supposed to be like “the last step before rebirth/the octave” bc of how Jun “dies” after the witch throws a weapon that gets stuck in her chest binding

at least she’s not using ace bandages or smth but idk much about binding

WHY ARE YOU THROWING OFF ALL YOUR ARMOR WHEN YOU’RE GOING INTO BATTLE? ACCEPTING AND PRESENTING YOURSELF AS WHO YOU REALLY ARE DOESN’T MEAN YOU HAVE TO TAKE OFF YOUR ARMOR

ok I know it was so she would be visually distinguishable from the other imperial soldiers, but still

the soldiers doing the turtle thing with their shields reminds me of the “we irritating 😂😂😂” meme

brass to signify that mulan is going to have a heroic moment (causing the avelanche) seems western to me. Idk much about traditional chinese instruments but it seems like they could use more of those.

Guys,,,I’m so fucking stupid I- .... it took me an hour and ten minutes to register the Lucky Cricket stand-in character,,,excuse me,,,,

the scene where mulan saves hongui and puts her hand over his heart gives me r*ylo vibes and I hate it

the witch, 1:14:40: “🎵yes I~ am a girl like you~🎵”

damn the music even reminds of the barbie movie a bit

The emperor’s voice reminds me of the mentor character from Kung Pow Enter the Fist which in itself was a western guy making fun of old cheesy martial arts movies (and how movies sometimes have a white male protagonist when they’re deadass set in asia and everyone else is asian)

the mentor characters voice was dubbed into english (and you can tell) but to me the emperor’s voice also kinda sounds like that

I’m disappointed that we didn’t get some kind of scene like the part in the animated verison where Mulan leads Ling, Chien Po, and Yao to cross dress to help save the emperor.

to me, that scene in the animated ver. is a reminder that it isn’t shameful for men to act/dress feminine

in general the animated version, to me, sends the message that it is ok to have both feminine and masculine traits, and that they don’t undermine each other or your identity, so they should all be embraced as a part of one’s personality (which tbh really helped me as a young kid)

the 2020 ver,, just doesn’t really send that message, instead its more broad like “be true to yourself”

I’m a slut for butterfly kicks

the witch taking an arrow for mulan really didn’t do it for me tbh, it made her seem a little wishy washy

like, I get that she wanted acceptance/validation, and that a part of her was glad that mulan found that for herself, but what about the rest of her motivation? Isn’t a desire for power or something what separates her from mulan?

Unsubtle phoenix imagery and dialogue is unsubtle

The music playing during the Mulan v. Khan duel reminds me of Duel of the Fates

actually the setting of the duel and other things really remind of of the Maul v. Ahsoka duel from Clone Wars s7

damn I really wanna watch the Maul v. Ahsoka duel cause the fight choreo is just,, so much more interesting

aww! Cricket is alive!

Around 1:34:39 , the music does not feel like it should be building up to Reflection here.  At this point, I think the melody had been reprised too many times and was getting to be overused (I still like it in the training sequence though).

I was happy to see Ming Na Wen!

Mulan is going home and ugh! Honghui! Don’t you know she’s betrothed to Commander Tung’s daughter? smh. homewrecker simp.

the matchmaker reminds me of Baron Harkonnen (Dune)

cheezy credits song is cheezy, even cheezier because they reprised reflection again

#mulan's hair falling out of place in the first matchmaker scene reminds me of when my hair fell out of place during a comp lol #I love watching the sword form bc I learned it when I was younger #I basically forgot it tho :/ #'impossible' #<insert 'it's not impossible just hard!'> quote here #mulan's experiences in the sleeping camp make me grateful I don't have a roommate tbh #mulan 2020 #the character keiko obrien is Japanese but Rosalind Chao is Chinese

[justanotherboyinblue]

weird asks that say a lot

in

1. coffee mugs, teacups, wine glasses, water bottles, or soda cans? coffee mugs! it gives me a weird satisfaction

2. chocolate bars or lollipops? chocolate bars!!

3. bubblegum or cotton candy? not a big fan of either :/

4. how did your elementary school teachers describe you? well i’m homeschooled so that’d be my mother the gist of it was that i don’t focus well and get distracted easily

5. do you prefer to drink soda from soda cans, soda bottles, plastic cups or glass cups? oh bottles for sure cannot tell you why but the old fashioned glass bottles of like pepsi or something? Love Those

6. pastel, boho, tomboy, preppy, goth, grunge, formal or sportswear? grunge i love it has the ‘i don’t care’ attitude basically just oversized stuff and a whole bunch of flannels

7. earbuds or headphones? headphones obviously, i’m a gamer what did you think i was gonna say

8. movies or tv shows? i tend to like movies better, but i do love myself a good tv show i think the pinnacle of tv shows done right is person of interest five seasons, i never got bored, it didn’t drag on, and it was always a good watch with good character chemistry

9. favorite smell in the summer? hmm either chlorine or beach smell because both mean i’m in the water And Ya Boi Is A Water Bitch

10. game you were best at in p.e.? i’ve never had p.e. and i think that’s my favorite thing about homeschooling

11. what you have for breakfast on an average day? i normally don’t, because i wake up 11:30-noon because i was up at 3am and i need my eight hours of sleep

12. name of your favorite playlist? some fucken bOPS

13. lanyard or keyring? i’d think key ring

14. favorite non-chocolate candy? uhhhhh literally all my favorite sweets are chocolate fuck probably cow tails

15. favorite book you read as a school assignment? they all sucked and i rarely read any of them so

16. most comfortable position to sit in? either sitting on my ankle or having both legs hanging over the edge

17. most frequently worn pair of shoes? do flip flops count?

18. ideal weather? like, 75-80 degrees with a cool breeze or alternatively 5-10 degrees with Piles Of Snow Everywhere

19. sleeping position? usually on my left side, or my stomach

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a notebook, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)? i love writing on anything i can get my hands on, most times it’s a notebook i tend to always carry pen and paper with me because i Will Not Remember Anything

21. obsession from childhood? you know how people have like, a timeline in their head of their entire life? i did this when i was this age, etc.? yeah i don’t have that my memories are in a big pile in my head and i have to use like things around me to find out a general age it’s wild so i have no idea coloring? minecraft?

22. role model? any kind person ever

23. strange habits? i only shower at night, and once i get in my room and change into my pajamas i have No intention of leaving so i just brush my teeth in the shower

24. favorite crystal? amethyst? quartz? garnet? idk onlytherealonesknow

25. first song you remember hearing? it was a song that my mother used to sing to my brother and i at night when we were in bed, did you ever talk to God i’ve never been able to find it anywhere, but i love it and it has the Best Vibes attached to it

26. favorite activity to do in warm weather? S w i m

27. favorite activity to do in cold weather? cuddle obviously

28. five songs to describe you? uhh dear younger me- mercyme (Christian) the cult of Dionysus- the Orion experience lucky stars- Lucy Spraggan escapism- steven universe? maybe? sunkissed- Khai dreams???? bro i got no idea

29. best way to bond with you? over shared experiences, or a shared love of something just best way to bond? by relating

30. places that you find sacred? not sure old buildings, sites of historical importance, places marred by tragedy

31. what outfit do you wear to kick ass and take names? oh boy here we go my tightest pants, obviously, my heels, and my slutty shirt or my comfy clothes i can kick ass in anything

32. top five favorite vines? i am the sand guardian, guardian of the sand. Posiden quivers before him! fuck off!! *BAM* this is why mom doesn’t fUCKING love you!!! please let this be a normal field trip. with Miss Frizzle?? un-fucking-likely Jeremy eat a snickers. why? you’re not you when you’re hungry. it’s gonna take more than that for my fatass meanwhile, in 1957. your honor, permission to treat the witness as hostile. permission granted. i’m gonna shoot you in the face. that’ll ruin my day

33. most used phrase in your phone? i have no phone but i do say valid a lot because All You Fuckers Are Valid

34. advertisements you have stuck in your head? michigan plumminggggg, we’ll exceed your expectaaationsssss

35. average time you fall asleep? three am

36. what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

37. suitcase or duffel bag? backpack

38. lemonade or tea? lemonade

39. lemon cake or lemon meringue pie? cake

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school? idk the cat pissed on my brother’s papers once

41. last person you texted? moje rojenia

42. jacket pockets or pants pockets? Hoodie Pouch

43. hoodie, leather jacket, cardigan, jean jacket or bomber jacket? hoodie, obviously

44. favorite scent for soap? Manly Smell

45. which genre: sci-fi, fantasy or superhero? mmmmmm sci-fi

46. most comfortable outfit to sleep in? long sleeve tee, plaid pajama pants

47. favorite type of cheese? Mozzarella

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be? pineapple i’ll eat you out ;)

49. what saying or quote do you live by? if someone makes you happy make them happier

50. what made you laugh the hardest you ever have? my mother made the weirdest fucking sound once, and i couldn’t breathe and fell off the chair

51. current stresses? school, driver’s training, some other stuff

52. favorite font? Kristen ITC

53. what is the current state of your hands?  ????? clean?? i have a ring on my right middle finger, some scars on both hands, my nails are short

54. what did you learn from your first job?  haven’t had a job yet

55. favorite fairy tale?  any of the old Grimm’s fairy tales  they terrified me when i was young, but then i got a taste for the disturbed and gore so they became perfect for me 

56. favorite tradition?  my family doesn’t really have any traditions

57. the three biggest struggles you’ve overcome?  gaining confidence to not be a complete pushover, quitting self-harm, realizing my first relationship wasn’t my fault

58. four talents you’re proud of having? i don’t  have four talents  i can color really well? i can copy drawings if i look at them long enough

59. if you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be?  Fuck

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be? something along the lines of kabaneri of the iron fortress or my hero academia

61. favorite line you heard from a book/movie/tv show/etc.?  give me something to keep and hold onto forever. let go

62. seven characters you relate to?  uggggggggh bro my personality changes every hour i don’t know  Sam, from supernatural  uh, Klaus? from the originals  ....  yeah that’s all i got

63. five songs that would play in your club?  dangerous- left boy  adderall- Max Frost  sweet tooth- Scott Helman  binary mind- ra ra riot  while i’m alive- STRFKR

64. favorite website from your childhood?  club penguin and jumpstart

65. any permanent scars?  tons

66. favorite flower(s)?  coral dahlias and bellflowers

67. good luck charms?  nope!

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?  quinoa, mustard, and root beer

69. a fun fact that you don’t know how you learned?  without saliva your stomach would digest itself

70. left or right-handed?  right

71. least favorite pattern? whatever the fuck this one is

 72. worst subject?  math

73. favorite weird flavor combo?  ranch and any kind of roast

74. at what pain level out of ten (1 through 10) do you have to be at before you take an advil or ibuprofen?  probably like a 7

75. when did you lose your first tooth?  neither i nor my mother remember

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)? Mashed Potatoes Always

77. best plant to grow on a windowsill?  strawberries!! they’re yummy and have beautiful flowers

78. coffee from a gas station or sushi from a grocery store? both are gross no thank you

79. which looks better, your school id photo or your driver’s license photo?  well since i don’t have my license yet, i’d have to say my license

80. earth tones or jewel tones?  earth tones

81. fireflies or lightning bugs? they’re  literally the same thing  are you asking which one i say? if so, lightning bugs

82. pc or console?  both! i prefer pc but a lot of my favorite games are on console and i don’t have a gaming computer

83. writing or drawing?  i’m better at writing, but i love both!

84. podcasts or talk radio?  not a huge fan of either

84. barbie or polly pocket?  i never had or liked either

85. fairy tales or mythology?  faerie* tales and mythology

86. cookies or cupcakes?  cookies!!!

87. your greatest fear?  being abandoned ig

88. your greatest wish?  to live an apple pie life i suppose  my partners and i living in a house we love, in a town we love, with all of our fur babies

89. who would you put before everyone else?  the young if i was in a room full of people, relatives, friends, elders, i would always save the youngest

90. luckiest mistake?  posting my diary on ao3 XD  i met my darling Leo through it

91. boxes or bags?  f....for???   bags are easier to carry, but boxes are just Nice ..... see this is why i think i’m a cat

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?  i love sunlight and fairy lights

93. nicknames?  Q  that’s that’s basically it

94. favorite season?  fall

95. favorite app on your phone?  duolingo or pixel.y 3D

96. desktop background? school computer:

97. how many phone numbers do you have memorized? just my mother’s

98. favorite historical era?  anything Ancient  greek, egyptian, incan, aztec, that kinda stuff

#tw cursing #tw self-harm #long post #tw eye strain #probably gonna crank out a few of these today because i'm Bored #meet the blogger

[codeblve]

howdy y’all ! lilac’s the name, writing trashlord character’s the game. i hail from a lil island known as australia... so in essence, i am never gonna be online at the same time as anyone else dkjfghdkfjgd. but !! don’t let this deter you. like a lil ol’ boomerang i’ll eventually find my way into your dms and hopefully we can plot/write with all your incredible muses. <3 a lil info about me though, i’m a tea connoisseur, sims enthusiast, and i talk daily about how i consider the barbie films cinematic masterpieces. if i haven’t scared you off and you’d like to get to know my sweet and memey tough boi, please press that readmore to complete your transaction.

⌠LUKE HEMMINGS, TWENTY ONE, CISMALE, HE/HIM⌡ welcome back to gallagher academy, BLUE HAWTHORNE! according to their records, they’re a THIRD year, specializing in AWARENESS TRAINING, BREATH CONTROL, HAND TO HAND COMBAT + COVERT OPERATIONS (CP); and they DID NOT go to a spy prep high school. when i see them walking around in the halls, i usually see a flash of (a smiley face traced into the precipitation on a mirror after a long and warm shower, a constellation of bruises strewn across your body, impatient foot tapping in the hallows of detention, chopsticks fashioned into walrus tusks over a meal, climbing higher and higher with no sign of stopping). when it’s the (aquarius)’s birthday on 2/13/1998, they always request their CHEESY NACHOS WITH EXTRA GUAC from the school’s chefs. looks like they’re well on their way to graduation. 

( PERSONALITY ! )

( for more details about blue, check out his stats & hcs here ! )

he is playful, jocular, impulsive, and honestly? immature lmao. he is honestly a Soft Jock™

he’s always been looking for the childhood he never got to have, y’know? he does this in the way he’s always cracking jokes, a bit of a class clown, disruptive. a wholesome prank or two. 

he gets in trouble in school more than his fair share, simply for daydreaming or sneaking out. he doesn’t let the institution define him, but he can take orders when needed. he can be very loyal tho, and much like eggsy in kingsmen, if someone asked him to choose between his dog or orders ?? he’s always choosing the dog kdjgf

he is secretly very insecure and always has a need to please. if someone doesn’t like him, he’ll tear himself apart to figure out why.

he’s always telling jokes and always laughing. he’s known for his Memes and is always a good time to be around. social butterfly, gregarious. chances are if you don’t know him, you’ve heard him dkfgjdf

he’s also a bit Anti-( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ( sex lmao ) because ya boi has commitment issues so high they’re floating out there in space

he can also be very maternal when the need arises. he is not good at talking about emotions but he’ll give you a meme or a hug to Heal You

he very much reminds me of the human embodiment of a puppy. cannot be alone for very long, has a short attention span, and craves validation lmfao. give him a squeaky toy and he will be Contented

as a soon-to-be spy he can be Tough in the field when he needs to be but he’s also v sensitive. most see him as a macho, just genuinely happy kinda dude but, he truly feels a lot. he won’t let you know that, though.

he struggles academically as he has a short attention span most of the time and thinks too little of himself. however, he’s a lot brighter than most people give him credit for. he’s incredibly creative and a lateral thinker. maths makes him want to die, tho. he does shine in physical trials at least, which is something !

also what’s money? blue does not know. he grew up with hardly anything, and has been working since he could. for this reason he’s quite frugal and struggles to throw things away. 

blue’s troubled past ( explained below ) is something he doesn’t acknowledge, and not a lot of people know about. to many, he’s known as the local Meme Dealer. but to a lucky few, he’s known as a friend who would do anything for you.

most just know him as the moron named after a colour tho.  ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

( HISTORY ! ) - tw: illness/cancer, death, substance ( alcohol / drugs ) & depression.

blue hawthorne, who never goes by his birthname bc he hates it dfkjgdgdf, was born in the town of sparks, nevada ! 

it was always just blue and his mother, margarette. he never met his father and he was gone long before blue’s mother could even tell him about a pregnancy test. cut off from her family due to having a child out of wedlock, the pair started a life for themselves. all they had was a humble abode in a trailer park. material possessions were lacking, but blue never felt like he went without. 

blue’s mother was by very definition blue’s best friend. they both shared a love of music and ballet, and margarette worked as many jobs as she could to allow for her son to take lessons. starting quite young, at the age of four or five, blue was actually quite good. the usually mischievous and erratic child found structure in the discipline, and it was the thing that brought him the most happiness.

as a child blue was often teased for his interest, and the fact that he was so close with his mother. despite being incredibly short and frail at the time, he was also very outspoken and strong-willed, and never let his peers get the best of him. he danced, he laughed, he bruised his knees at any given opportunity. made a lot of mistakes. what he lacked in possessions he gained in the abundance of joy he felt in his heart growing up. his mother and a few of his close friends were his world.

when blue turned fifteen, everything changed.

( illness / cancer tw ) the jubilant, mischievous, but altogether kind-hearted boy was given the heart-breaking news that his mother had been diagnosed with cancer. margarette hawthorne, much like her son, was a fighter - and didn’t let such a diagnosis keep her down. despite their dwindling lack of funds now going towards medical bills, and the fact blue began sacrificing his own childhood as he took to the role of a caretaker of sorts for his mother, he never took his time with her for granted.

things were okay for a while. there was a point where the doctors were convinced that she was going to make it. blue was a fool. blue believed them.

at the age of sixteen, blue lost everything. he lost his place to live, he lost his childhood and lust for life, and he lost the person he loved most in the world. he lost his best friend.

it wasn’t long before the overbearing sympathy from those around him soured blue. he was sick of being bullied, people not liking him, and altogether not being in control of his own life. most of all, he felt so hopeless as his best friend in the entire world was starting to fade. so what did this boy do ? he quit ballet (the thing he’d loved since he was able to stand), he started drinking, he got involved with a very bad crowd and became a frequenter of the local police station. blue became a certified Bad Boy™

blue was sent to live with the grandparents that despised him and never acknowledged his existence before that moment, having met them at his mother’s funeral. righteous and conservative in their views, they had cast aside their daughter when she had blue, and only reached out to her in her final months. for this reason, blue despised these people (he refused to call them family). he tried his best to be appreciative of a house and food ( which was much better than anything he had growing up ). but he was cold. always cold.

( substance tw ) in his latter adolescence, blue fell into a rapid succession of bad decisions. still small, still frail in stature, he found himself at a dissonance with his image and began growing insecure about his looks, the years of torment weighing on him. he found anesthetic in the party scene outside of school, taking to alcohol and drugs as a sedative from the life he felt forced to lead. he couldn’t decide if he hated himself or he hated the world more.

at the age of 17, his rap sheet seemed to grow with each rise and fall of the sun. he was hardly ever ‘home’ and couch surfed. at the age of 17 he’d gotten his own car and lived more out of that than the stuffy house on top of the hill where he was supposed to be. his grades were debris lost in his tumultuous storm, he was always looking for validation from the kids he hung around with and made some very poor decisions in the hopes he’d be liked. in the hopes he’d find a new family.

the partying, the stream of hook ups, his criminal record (mainly with petty theft, a few write ups for public intoxication and fighting), the instability of his living situation and his future all came to boil just before he turned 18. physically he’d started to fill out, and look more like the man people know today. he was no longer frail and no longer weak, and when asked, he used to his fists to forge that path he thought he wanted.

after a dark night, it became apparent to blue that his path of self destruction was hurting no one but himself. things had to change.

through nothing short than a McMiracle (sponsored by Ronald McDonald, bc no one else is rich enough to pull it off lmfao) blue managed to scrape by and complete high school. not well by any means. but he did it.

it was about now that blue had been informed of a small school called blackthorne academy. details were scarce, but what drew the blond’s attention was the tuition ( or lack thereof ). his acceptance cited his physical capabilities as seen through his many years of dance and explained why he was of particular interest to the school. he was suspicious, to say the least. but blue knew he wanted to become something, and to go to this school would not only take him away from a life he wanted to forget, but he would become self sufficient, and be able to leave his toxic family situation on his own terms. 

bidding farewell to the grandparents he was only beginning to know, his grandfather saw no reason to extend her kindnesses, and cut blue off. at the age of 18 he was homeless, with nothing but a car and a handful of pokemon cards he’d had as a kid. not worth anything or even particularly sentimental, he just likes pokemon kgfjfd.

living in his car for a while before eventually crashing with a close friend, blue managed to absorb his days in work before eventually starting his tenure at blackthorne. although blue’s wild days are behind him, there are some things locked in his past that still haunt him. there are doors he never hopes to open again. but he got his fresh start, and is determined to live the life a young blue would have wanted for him, and one his mother could be proud of. and who knows, maybe he could go on and save the world. 

( WANTED CONNECTIONS ! )

all of these are absolute trash, and i much prefer plotting with specific characters in mind to cater it to our muses and make it unique to them. (~: but i do have a few wanted connections here as a starting off point !! if any of them really call to you though, please let me know as i would adore to have anything listed !! with that in mind, i wanted to include a sample of a few of the connects on the page here to make things a lil easier. 

— *. ; ( co-workers ) || this connection is a little up in the air as i understand that students aren’t allowed to leave campus without staff supervision, and tuition isn’t awfully high if you can’t afford it ! however, blue has no money, and if at all possible he would try and get some sort of job whilst at blackthorne/gallaghers. whether that be doing odd jobs as part of his covert ops classes, or even working for the campus doing things like lawn maintenance, working in the stables, or literally anything that was open ! ( his ‘job’ could even be bringing in dkfjgdf some sorts of contraband to sell to other students, lmfao. nothing illegal, just stuff you can’t get on campus ). this connection is meant for any muses that may also be employed, or want them to be, and these two could be co-workers ! with an admin blessing we can figure out what is logistically possible within the plot, and if your muse already has a job i’d be very interested to have blue be a coworker if you were at all interested !! <3

— *. ; ( protector ) || there are two things blue hates most in this world: liars, and bullies. as an older ( and arguably large ) student, he comes to find someone who is going through a rough time assimilating to life at the academy for whatever reason. on the surface neither of them have anything in common, but the pair form a sibling like bond, and blue is willing to do anything to protect their friend. 

— *. ; ( aggressor ) || blue is very mild mannered for the most part, save for any jokes he likes to make. however, there is someone on campus who absolutely makes his blood boil. whether this person dislikes blue for his lack of wealth and sophistication, his inherent need to never pick sides, or his immediate abandonment of respect for blackthorne once the truth came to light. or perhaps he made a joke in their early days that rubbed this person the wrong way, and a toxic environment has persisted since then. i imagine this relationship has escalated to violence, and for whoever picks this up i’d really love to delve into their hatred and flesh out their angst !

there are plenty more connects on the page and like i said, i am literally happy to plot anything under the sun. (~: 

thank you so much for reading ! if you made it all the way here ?? you’re a h*cking legend lmfao. if there’s anything here that stood out to you please hit me up either on tumblr dms or via discord ( my user is lilac 🍕#1835, or kjgdgdf the person with the crying squidward icon in the gc lmfao ). as there are quite a lot of members here, please like this here intro if you are interesting in plotting/writing with me so i know !! i’ll check out your beautiful intro and Throw (or rather, gently pass you) some ideas your way if you haven’t messaged me first. <3 but thank you so much again for making it to this point, here’s a proverbial cookie for your troubles. it’s double choc chip, enjoy it. (~: 

#gallagher:intro #this was... so long aND IM SO SORRY #thank y'all for all being literal angels and making me feel so welcome (': #( ooc ; i have the power of god & anime on my side ! )

[evesbeve]

~All. Of. Them.~ ☺

99 gay-ish asks

… you know WHAT.

FINE.

I’LL DO ALL OF THEM.

LONG ANSWER UNDER THE TAG, HA V E FUN-

1. how tall are you?

I am 159cm aka 5′3ft!

2. what is your body type?

According to the first Google Image result I got, it’s between “Banana Shape” and “Apple Shape”. I have no idea who came up with these terms. But there you go.

3. what is your favorite part about your body?

My nails-

4. is your current hair color your natural hair color?

My hair is brunette, which is also my natural hair color!

5. are you more outgoing or more shy?

I’d like to think I’m outgoing, but we all know the truth rip

6. are you more femme or butch?

Depends on the day-

7. are you tol or smol?

I definitely wouldn’t call myself tol, so smol, I guess!

8. wine mom or vodka aunt?

Sober Mom

9. weird habit?

The door has to be either fully closed or fully open. Don’t fite me on this-

10. favorite meme?

Too many to count, but this is one of my favourites right now-

but also like, most of my faves at the moment are actually memes with pictures of me and my friends XD

11. do you sing in the shower?

Hell yes!!

12. ever used a bow and arrow?

Yep!

13. are/were you a theatre kid?

(Answered here)

14. have you ever seen a broadway musical?

Nope, but I’ve seen Aladdin’s counterpart to broadway in London! So it’s like, the exact same thing, but in London XD

15. do you think musicals are cheesy?

Yes. Do I think it makes them less enjoyable though? Nope.

16. have you ever been a part of a protest or a march?

It’s a complicated story, but I have!

17. favorite Cards Against Humanity Card?

Gooood, it’s been so long since I’ve played CAH! I have no idea ;;

18. last movie you watched?

I think it was Far From Home!

19. behind the camera or in front of it?

I’m usually the one taking pictures and filming my friends (they better thank me in 10 years) but to be honest, I wish they’d take some more pics of me to look back to too. I do enjoy filming though, so I guess behind!

20. favorite tv show?

Right now, it’s definitely The Umbrella Academy!

21. meaning behind your url

My name is Evelina, and I am online

22. reason you joined tumblr

To follow a project I used to like on YouTube ^^

23. who’s your closest tumblr friend?

I mean, @clumsinessinperson, @xxwhisperapplexx, @hollsheadcanons and @spinharmony started out as tumblr friends, but now we’ve known each other for more than a year and they’re my best friends in the world ;w;

24. what’s something most people love that you hate?

Olives. Peas. Crocs.

uPDATE: i READ THAT QUESTION WRONG, I THOUGHT IT SAID THE OPPOSITE, I LOVE ALL THESE THREE THINGS

I do hate BBQ sauce with PASSION though-

25. have you ever taken narcotics?

I mean, only when I got my teeth extracted XD

26. have you had sex?

Nope.

27. have you ever gotten caught sneaking out or doing anything bad?

I’ve never sneaked out before, so nah. My phone caught me on my phone at 5am once, does that count?

28. worst/funniest lie you’ve ever told?

(Answered here)

29. describe your passion without mentioning it.

The ocean’s waves clash at the coast. They drown in themselves. They help the boats move. But sometimes, the ocean is quiet.

30. describe your best friend.

Nearly impossible to describe a 100 people in one sentence, but none of them have braincells.

31. give us one thing about you that no one knows.

NOT AGAIN, ANSWERED HERE.

32. how do you feel right now?

Energetic!!

33. what is your biggest fear?

Dying

34. what’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it?

(Answered here)

35. what is the best decision you’ve made in your life so far?

Honestly, uploading my stories.

36. have you ever tried your hardest and then been disappointed in the end?

MANY TIMES. But hey, that’s life. And that doesn’t mean that it’ll always disappoint you. Keep trying, everyone!

37. something you fantasize about.

MEETING MY ONLINE FRIENDS IRL ;W;

38. last time you cried and why

This morning because I had a fight with my mom lmao

39. what was the last thing that made you laugh?

Me.

40. do you really, truly miss someone right now?

Sure do *dabs*

41. who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?

@xxwhisperapplexx​, @clumsinessinperson​, @aesthetically-bitching​ and my other irl fren who doesn’t have tumblr but he is a dumbass!!

42. the last time you felt broken?

SEE 38, RIP (I’m okay now tho, dw!)

43. are you starting to realize anything?

I wanna be a director or a scriptwriter or something!! Just work in the movies!!

44. are you more dominant or more submissive?

Dominant, but I can be just as submissive!

45. i’ll only date you if _____. (fill in the blank)

I’ll only date you if I love you?? Why would I date someone I don’t love?

46. do you prefer to date people the same age as you, younger, or older?

Uhhh look, I’m 16, so the same age, lol. And even if I was older, age doesn’t matter as long as it’s not creepy and predatory, you know?

47. describe the person you’re in love with/have a crush on in great detail.

I don’t have a crush at the moment, thANK GOD.

48. do you have any kinks?

Bye.

49. first thing you notice in a person?

(Answered here)

50. how can someone win your heart?

Step One: Stan Ben Hargreeves.

51. been rejected by a crush?

Nop. Never confessed-

52. have you ever had feelings for someone who didn’t have them back?

Yes.

53. would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?

No.

54. is trust a big issue for you?

I mean, I wouldn’t trust someone I just met with my life, but I do have faith in people ^^

55. did you hang out with the person you like recently?

I do not,,, have a crush,,,

56. is confidence cute?

Everything positive is cute.

57. what would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?

I don’t like someone right now but if it were to happen, I wouldn’t say anything? It’s their life.

58. would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?

Everyone makes me laugh. I must hate the person then XD

59. does the person you have feelings for right now know you do?

I DO NOT HAVE A CRUSH AAAAA

60. ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?

Yes, like a bazillion times.

61. do you want to get married

I’m open to it!

62. worst thing you’ve ever done?

Honestly, I was trying to think of a serious answer, I PROMISE, but then I remembered that when I was little my parents had pissed me off so badly, and I quoted a Barbie movie that said “You’re ruining my life!” like an angry toddler.

Then they threatened to never let me watch Barbie again because it was a bad influence, anD I MEAN. It was what it was XD

Note: They never banned Barbie.

63. three things that turn you on.

How did you know I was an android.

64. who do you hate?

Hate is a strong word, lmao.

65. favorite term of endearment?

Unironically, it’s “boo” XD

66. who was your celebrity/fictional gay awakening?

I WAS WONDERING IF THERE WAS A QUESTION LIKE THAT, honestly I do not remember. Probably someone from Winx.

67. intimidating girls or kind girls?

Both are valid.

68. what do you look for in a possible partner?

I don’t look, they hit me in the head.

69. do you tend to like more masculine, feminine, or androgynous girls?

All. All the girls.

70. are you good at flirting?

Yes, actually XD

71. who was the first person you came out to?

Probably @aesthetically-bitching​, I think!

72. do you have any friends who are wlw?

yeet

73. is your crush wlw?

don’t have a crush, but used to-

74. last person to make you reconsider your sexuality?

I have no idea, I’ve known I was bi since 6th grade.

75. write a short love poem to your crush/self?

Not all the steps you walked on are stableBut that’s okayReaching the top requires a few

76. do you fall in love easily?

I’ve only fallen like in love twice. Crushes are way different, and I’d say kinda…?

77. is there something that happened in your past that you hate talking about?

Yeah. But I hate talking about it.

78. are you good at hiding your feelings?

Yep. If you notice I’m sad, I want you to notice I’m sad.

79. are you a forgiving person?

Mhm!

80. what is your “type?”

Ironically, Eudora Patch from The Umbrella Academy is a very good depiction of my type. (Note: Personality wise. Looks genuinely don’t matter to me, everyone is BEAUTIFUL.)

81. fall asleep in her arms or rub her back until she falls asleep in yours?

I am a little spoon inside and out-

82. tall girls or short girls?

Doesn’t matter-

83. hugs or kisses?

Hugs!! kisses kinda make me uncomfortable most of the time to be honest

84. twirl her around or get twirled?

b O T H

85. tummy kisses or thigh kisses?

Tummy-

86. hairline kisses or neck kisses?

Hairline,,,

87. play with her hair or stroke her tummy?

Hair!!

88. making out or soft kisses?

Soft kisses, definitely. Not that I’ve kissed anyone before, but oh well XD

89. hugs around the neck or hugs around the waist?

Neck…? I’d say neck.

90. how confident are you in your sexuality?

It took me a while, but I am very confident in it right now!

91. when you like someone do you blush or get butterflies in your stomach?

Butterflies™

92. have you ever liked a friend as more than a friend? did you tell them?

I have, and I told them absolutely nothing

93. how old were you when you realized you were into girls?

*shrugs* young XD

94. most embarrassing thing you’ve done in front of a cute girl?

All girls are cute girls. So many things.

95. do you have a favorite lesbian ship? is it canon?

THIS QUESTION IS STRESSING ME OUT, I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO CHOOSE. Honestly, Alphys and Undyne are a hard one to top, aND ALSO CANON

96. what is the most aggravating thing someone has said to you about your sexuality?

“You’re just confused.”

97. when was the last time a girl made your heart flutter?

… I don’t know what to tell you.

98. what is love to you?

Love is complicated.

To me, it’s not about having a partner. Actually, loving someone regardless of romantic feelings is way more important, in my opinion. These things can co-exist, and loving a friend is just as important loving a lover.

The lack of it can hurt, especially being forced out of it. But feeling love? I don’t know. It’s one of the most beautiful feelings ever. I feel so lucky to be surrounded by it.

I really love this article on it! It’s about the 8 types of love the ancient greeks had, and as I greek person myself, I think highly of it. I highly recommend reading it!

99. ask me anything. (bUt since no one specified, I’ll ask myself: Why do this and what did I learn from this?)

I did this because I am stubborn. Also I genuinely liked the questions XD

What I learned from this experience is that I really love answering questions, oops-

If you made it this far, I don’t know what to tell you. You deserve a golden star, my dude.

ANYWAY, NEVER AGAIN.

#evelina nonesense #anon #ask #gayish asks #i can't believe i did this

[acastleintheair]

Multiples of 4

Interesting choice there. I respect it.

4.  how did your elementary school teachers describe you?

lmao I was actually a problem child in elementary school. like I could do the school work, but I was also always hella bored so I stirred some shit and my teachers were not happy with that. so they appreciated my intelligence, but not my energy.

8. movies or tv shows?

probably movies. I didn’t really watch tv for a long time and I didn’t have any sort of streaming service so movies were the only thing I’d watch.

12. name of your favorite playlist?

I’m super great at picking names for playlists. Like sooo great. I probably listen to ‘The Morning One’ the most since it’s my alarm playlist, but I’ve been listening to ‘The Old Favorites One’ and I always go back to ‘The Upbeat One’

16.   most comfortable position to sit in?

I have a lot of pain in my knee and hip joints so a lot of sitting positions hurt for long periods of time. I’ll cross my legs if I’m sitting ‘properly’ but if I’m just sitting on my couch, I put my back to the armrest and sit with my legs bent a bit.

20. preferred place to write (i.e., in a note book, on your laptop, sketchpad, post-it notes, etc.)?

Notebook or laptop. Notebooks are great for helping me focus and sink into my writing, but I mostly use my laptop because it’s easier to just start writing on it and I can rearrange my writing if necessary without too much trouble.

24. favorite crystal?

hmmm. probably prasiolite. it’s very similar to peridot (my birthstone) in color.

28. five songs to describe you?

this is a difficult question. there’s three songs that immediately pop into my head but I don’t talk about two of them ever because they make me cry. The third is Silence by Marshmello. Another four are: You’re Not There by Lukas Graham, Tear It All Down by Ed Prosek, Wonderland by Natalia Kills, and Oblivion by Bastille

32. top five favorite vines?

tbh I didn’t know what a vine was until last school year. I’ve seen some since then but I have zero favorites because I remember none of them other than ‘this bitch empty’

36.   what is the first meme you remember ever seeing?

uhhhh probably a pepe meme?

40. weirdest thing to ever happen at your school?

my schools weren’t that interesting? I remember in my high school there were ridiculously high ceilings in the main hallway and someone managed to throw a hall pass and get it stuck there. it was up there for a few years. I wonder if it’s still there.

44. favorite scent for soap?

floral usually. I have this gardenia and white peach hand soap that smells heavenly.

48. if you were a fruit, what kind would you be?

I want to say cranberry because I’m bitter and no one likes me, just like cranberries. but that’s not true. so maybe mango. starts out sour and bitter but gets sweet with time.

52. favorite font?

I do all of my writing in Times New Roman. all other fonts are invalid. for moodboards tho, I like to use Glacial Indifference.

56. favorite tradition?

hmmm. I really love all the church traditions, they make me feel so at peace. I also love that name day celebrations are bigger than birthday celebrations for my family. I haven’t liked my birthday in a long long time.

60. if you were a character in an anime, what kind of anime would you want it to be?

being in a fantasy/action/adventure anime could be cool and fun, but also that sounds like a lot of work. I’d probably like being in a slice of life anime like My Roommate is a Cat more.

64. favorite website from your childhood?

I didn’t really go on the internet as a child! I probably used youtube the most (to listen to music videos because I didn’t have an mp3 player for a long time).

68. worst flavor of any food or drink you’ve ever tried?

watermelon jolly ranchers for a very long time were the worst to me. watermelon anything is usually Bad.

72. worst subject?

in high school, it was art. I love art, but I’m not a good art student. in college, probably linear algebra. that class was so boring.

76. what’s your favorite potato food (i.e. tater tots, baked potatoes, fries, chips, etc.)?

I was a very picky eater as a child but I adored potatoes and I still love them so any and all potato foods are dear to my heart. I eat chips most often because they take zero work, but Greek roasted potatoes are amazing and my mom’s fries are also very nice.

80. earth tones or jewel tones?

jewel tones!!! give me that emerald green and ruby red, they’re gorgeous.

84. barbie or polly pocket?

I had both, but I was more of a barbie fan tbh

88.  your greatest wish?

my biggest unrealistic wish is to major in english and become an english professor. my more realistic wish is to grow out my hair so it’s very long (but still healthy).

92. lamps, overhead lights, sunlight or fairy lights?

sunlight > lamps > fairy lights > overhead lights. no other ranking is valid.

96. desktop background?

#marvelousvasili #ask games #jokes on u i love ask games #i love attention #long post

[immovable-force-archive]

Byakuya (character hcs meme~)

Send me the name of a character and I will tell you my:

1: sexuality headcanon

[[Oh geez, that’s a tough one right out of the starting gate.

Lemme start by saying that I think a valid purpose of fictional characters (and the one I personally subscribe to) is to treat them like toys or action figures. Play around with them, put them in different scenarios, have the G.I. Joes fight the Barbies even though the original creators never would’ve intended or wanted that– because it’s fun. Or because you gain something from it, or it makes you happy. I think canon is valuable as a reference, but rejecting parts of it and doing your own thing with the character shouldn’t be seen as cheapening the character, somehow. I could give more thoughts on that (because booooy have I thought about this a lot), but I hope that makes sense.

THAT SAID, I believe that in canon, Byakuya is straight. However, I also think exploring him as bisexual is also really interesting, regardless of whether there’s canon ground for it or not. If I wrote a serious Byakuya blog, that’s probably how I would play him.]]

2: OTP

[[Byakuya is one of those rare characters that I feel is super viable to ship with OCs, more-so than most canon characters. So… Byakuya x any OC, I guess?

If I have to pick something from canon, ByaRen is okay.]]

3: brOTP

[[Byakuya and Ichigo have a hilarious dynamic. My favorite fight in the whole series is in the Bount Arc, where Byakuya and Ichigo fight Kariya. It’s the only time they ever fight together against the same enemy, and it’s hilarious. I wish there had been more of that– Ichigo and Byakuya vs Tsukishima or Ginjo could’ve been a riot.

Anyway, imagining them as secret buddies (that they’re both too uptight to admit to outright) that train together or just give each other shit is a fun image.]]

4: NOTP

[[ByaRuki is the obvious one, I guess, but I never liked ByaYoru either.]]

5: First headcanon that pops into my head

[[I mean my ultimate Byakuya headcanon is “He’s a complete idiot that doesn’t really consider the consequences of his actions, but he’s lucky, so that makes up for it.” I’ve talked about that before I think, although I can’t find the post right now. 

So, for another one: Byakuya has definitely punched a wall in an attempt to vent anger, at some point. It would’ve been while no one was looking, and he also probably broke a bone in his hand doing it. He healed it with kaido immediately, but still.]]

6: One way in which I relate to this character

[[We both have cool hair. Also, we both tend to speak a little too monotone sometimes, when it’s not appropriate.]]

7: Thing that gives me second hand embarrassment about this character

[[Everything he does in the Zanpakuto Filler Arc? Or everything he does in any of the omakes? (Destroy a swimming pool, smile creepily about going to Rukia’s SWA meetings, the cell phone thing, anytime he ever attempts to tell a joke ever.) If I have to pick something from canon, there was the time he couldn’t dodge Ichigo’s sword and decided the best thing to do was catch it.]]

8: Cinnamon roll or problematic fave?

[[Oh, he’s a problematic fave for sure. And even then, I’m not sure he’s a ‘fave’ to me these days. XD I just have good memories surrounding him, and he’s still fun to think about.]]

#;ooc #Ohhhh here we go #I hope this doesn't get me in trouble with Byakuya fans #;memes #icybreaths

[starcchild]

Hmmm I mean the only one who can decide which songs are fit for the pl or not is you since Carter is your oc and you know how she would feel better than any of us- if you think a specific song like I Don't Love You should be there, leave it, unless you feel like Carter wouldn't want that. I dig the ship but her anger would be justified! It wouldn't be irrational entitlement, it would be valid. Like don't forgive a man just cause he fine! He is fine as hell... but he was gon' let Peter die sooo..

((oh yeah, I honestly was just asking if y'all thought the vibe could work sfdgjhksdfhj - I didn't want the song suggesting that Carter was also using Quentin given the lyrics, but it's something I'm keeping to the playlist because I love it lol. It also wasn't because I thought it felt ooc - like, I was talking to my friend about this, and had Quentin lived in ffh, he wouldn't have for long SDFGJHDGFS

like, okay. Carter's not a violent person by any means, even in the ikau. She doesn't want to hurt people, let alone even kill someone, but she very much so fits that Barbie meme, which I know isn't actually Barbie, but it's with Barbie dolls and I have no idea what youtube show it's from lol, but it's the one that goes: "Oh please, you wouldn't hurt a fly." "You're right. Because a fly is an innocent creature that never knowingly did anything to anybody. You, however, I would maim." and that absolutely sums up what Carter would say to Quentin SDFGKJHGFDJH - she'd be less aggressive if he had just used her, tbfh, but because he went after Peter and killed a lot of people in the process, she is absolutely fuckin pissed. Her feelings aside, she lost all respect, love, and sympathy towards him lmao

#asks #anons #ground control (ooc) #Carterio au

[thepoetrytheorist]

I posted 13,536 times in 2021

46 posts created (0%)

13490 posts reblogged (100%)

For every post I created, I reblogged 293.3 posts.

I added 73 tags in 2021

#toxic - 10 posts

#unpopular opinions - 10 posts

#unpopular ships - 10 posts

#unpopular thoughts - 10 posts

#draigin's unpopular opinions - 10 posts

#that's my opinion! - 10 posts

#anthropology - 4 posts

#race - 3 posts

#positivity - 3 posts

#eco - 3 posts

Longest Tag: 125 characters

#angels and demons again... probably exist in some form (if you're religious) but again... why would they be interested in us?

My Top Posts in 2021

#5

Unpopular Opinions 4

by me

Plastic single use straws are valid

It is ok to enjoy content even if the author or producer sucks (i.e. Twilight, Harry Potter, Game of Thrones)

We need to get out of this Grim Dark trend in TV Shows and movies. I'm sick of this narrative full of angst and gore. Further, just because you have a show where the content is dark, doesn't mean the set should be dark. I want to see what's happening without burning my eyes with a high screen brightness.

We need to reblog from artists as well as like and comment, otherwise people won't be able to enjoy their work. You'll happily reblog 20 memes, or professional photography of celebrities. Why aren't you reblogging you local artists/poets/musicians

It is not ok to demand content of content creators. You shouldn't go on a day old video and say "where's part two?" You also shouldn't backseat game them or try to control their relationships

19 notes • Posted 2021-03-05 18:01:32 GMT

#4

Unpopular Opinions 1

(by me)

I love the earth and want her to get better, but the Eco Friendly movement is extremely toxic in many ways. (And doesn't do much to help)

People who partake in media in any form need to understand that its ok to say "I'd viscerally hate this character if they were real, however as a character they are a good character." This is especially true with the recent villain hate I've been seeing.

It's ok to dislike the main character.

It's ok to have unpopular ships, but its also ok to have popular ships. We shouldn't fight.

If you're saying "Oh I wish we still wore capes/ballgowns/pirate clothes/ et.c." WEAR. THEM. wear them! Nobody's going to judge you and it's not going to be a "trend" unless someone starts wearing them.

30 notes • Posted 2021-02-27 20:54:30 GMT

#3

I'm going to say this once and once only, and only merely to piss people off...

Onceler (the Lorax) X Preminger (Barbie Princess and the Pauper

40 notes • Posted 2021-04-10 23:29:23 GMT

#2

I just want to know who Lin slept with in hollywood, since he's had like... 8 movies produced in the past 3 months, and probably 10 more signed. That doesn't just happen, no matter how talented you are. (and yeah, he is super talented)

42 notes • Posted 2021-12-03 23:57:46 GMT

#1

Next season on The Great British Baking Show

We're expecting a 9 tiered cake with 3 different flavors and theming. You have 10 minutes. Do not underbake.

45 notes • Posted 2021-11-27 22:01:56 GMT

Get your Tumblr 2021 Year in Review →

#my 2021 tumblr year in review #your tumblr year in review

[mcjour]

ok

set the scene: we were eating dinner

lol

she turns to me and asks me a question. it was something along the lines of like do you miss your dad or do you feel sad on fathers day or something.

which ughhhhhhhhh this is NOT dinnertime conversation. but i could tell where this was coming from. her dad passed away about 2 years ago. so fathers day is still kinda raw for her. 

and she said that. not in those words exactly. but she said she was in the area and she stopped at the cemetery so she was wondering. 

so i was a little annoyed but i went along with it. whatever. and told her the truth. that i really don’t think about him and i forget fathers day is even a thing. so not really. unless i like really sit down and think about it. and then it’s kinda sad yeah.

maybe i’m forgetting a transition or something but the next thing i remember is she’s like yeah, i remember when you were in high school. and you posted on social media about him taking you on a lake and feeling uncomfortable.

and boy was i seeing red!!!!! i was literally SHAKING that was how angry i was.

you see, i did not post that on social media. or i guess i did. i posted it on tumblr. which idk, yes, is a form of social media, but is a different, more anonymous form of social media. but i was using tumblr as my diary. (like i literally am right now lol). maybe that’s stupid, bla bla bla nothing’s really anonymous, putting stuff on internet forever. WHATEVER. 

i already got mad about this before when it first happened. when she first let slip that she read my tumblr. back when i was in high school. i literally ran away when that happened. so violated. i had no reason to think that someone in my house was opening up my tumblr account and scrolling around and reading through all my posts???? what the fuck??? 

Like I said, that was my diary. that was my rawest thoughts. she was so pissed at me back then, because i would write about her. uhhhhh what else would you write in a diary about????? i’m not broadcasting this to the world. i only had a small amount of active followers. not many from real life, maybe a handful. and most of them were friends anyway. so it’s not like i’m telling my cousins or the town or idk who the hell she thinks i was talking to. nobody. i was just talking to me. if literally one person wanted to read and “like” my post, good, i appreciate the validation. at least somebody was listening (uhhh .. i could say something here but i won’t). but like, i swear to god it was basically a private diary, for me.

and a journal/diary was so important for me back then. i was really truly fucked up and i needed to clear my mind. process on paper. and honestly her snooping really fucked me up. because what used to be my safe processing was now destroyed. deemed unsafe. my world was flipped upside down. my secrets, my vulnerable thoughts?

why didn’t i do it on paper? clearly bitch is a snoop! nothing was safe. yeah i could tear it up afterwards but i wouldn’t be surprise if she jigsaw puzzled it back together. also that defeats the purpose. i didn’t know it at the time, granted, but cptsd means my memory is utter shit. i appreciate reading through those old posts now because frankly i wouldn’t remember any of it otherwise. and tumblr vs microsoft word? again, someone could easily snoop through a word doc. and like i said, i really didn’t think anyone else would not only think to go onto tumblr, but then to have to figure out how to navigate to my blog, and then find my posts among like the stupid ass memes. like..????????? what

and actually now that i think about it, i wonder what other ways she snooped. like i stayed logged into facebook, did she read my facebook? when the hell did she even have the time for this anyway?

so anyway, i remember the post she was referring to. my dad moved to this house across the street from a lake. and he took me out on a boat. and it was just me and him. and i was kinda weirded out. i think i had just learned the dark history of my family or whatever LOL. so thinking about how he was actually a r*pist. so i think i was sitting in the boat being like oh great, like i’m literally in the middle of the lake with nowhere to run to, he could just r*pe me here and i couldn’t do anything about it.

ok. i know. that’s a big leap. but i was what, 17? and dealing with and processing a lot of shit. And like i said, i had just learned all this bad stuff about him. maybe it was the first time i had seen him since then? i don’t know

regardless... i wrote about it because duh processing. it was a very vulnerable raw thing like i said. it was such a stupid post. or maybe i think that now that i was “caught”

anyway..... i was mad. i still am mad. i was pissed when it happened and now i’m pissed knowing she read A LOT and pissed knowing that she has been holding onto all of those things that she read for all of those years. i mean, i guess i wouldn’t have expected her to magically forget but what the FUCK

and so yeah that was a traumatic experience in 2014 and here i am reliving it in 2021. like i said, literally shaking

i don’t know how i held it together but i did. i wanted to yell at her for violating my privacy (do you know she had the AUDACITY last time to say that i “left it up on the computer” BULL FUCKING SHIT. I mean i didn’t log out, that’s true. but i would NEVER be so careless as to leave tumblr open on the computer, least of all on a personal post like that!!). and thank god i didn’t say anything because i am sure she would have echoed the same thing about how i ~left it up~ or whatever BS. 

god i’m getting enraged typing this out

and a shame too, we were eating leftover chinese food, which is always good. i had already eyed the seconds i was planning to grab. but now i was nauseous and lost my appetite.

then she was going on about how he used to be a great dad when we were little and like yeah when i was little i would’ve agreed. we played barbies or whatever the fuck. but nowadays i know better. so i’m like um well even when he was a good dad he was a bad dad. and shes like what do you mean? and i told her the ~classic tale~ about how my dad tried to tell us about his sister and i was 3 or something so i asked a dumbass question and i remember hiding under the table from him and my brother has told me “oh yeah that’s when he threw me at the wall.” so like .... yeah... i told her that story

and then she has shocked pikachu face!!! wanted to slap that right off lol. because part of me thinks there is no way she didn’t know/ hadn’t heard that story. fuck off. but ok, maybe she genuinely hasn’t, give her the benefit of the doubt. well jeez what’s so shocking about it????? you knew he was abusive so?????? like why would it be surprising that that happened. oh yeah, it’s not.

anyway idk what i expected. i think she said like “oh wow i didn’t know that” or something. and then went on and talked about his sister, talked about his dad, how she got in a fight with him over a newspaper article????? whatever. ok. so this was never about me at all. you didn’t care to listen to what my answers were. you just wanted to talk about you and your dad and literally anything else.

so i get hit with the double whammy. the privacy violation flashback with one hand, the use as a therapist and exploit your trauma with the other

so yes, i was shaking. by the time i was going to clear my plate, i was near tears. thankfully was able to hold them in (but never let them out after.. oops). but by the time i got upstairs i really couldn’t breathe properly.

strangely but luckily, my cat was already on the bed waiting for me. i mean, she is on my bed all the time, it isn’t SUPER strange. but usually she goes straight under the bed and comes out from under eventually (*at this specific time of day LOL). god i love her and how she always knows what i need. so i was able to pet her and stuff.

um but yeah i’ve been in a slog since then. like couldn’t really sleep and all that. i just...ugh.