#the outlook on still being in lockdown by end of this year makes me feel so crushed …

[ashalsdream]

Guild Wars 2

I can’t write an actual review on steam as I don’t have the minimum one our gameplay through their launcher so I’ll write it here. 

I’ve been playing since September 11th 2016. Just about a year after heart of thorns dropped, I remember it being all the rage and all hyped up. My shitty little laptop that barely ran it at 10 fps on the lowest graphics but I still made an account, logged on and started to play. I had two people I played with, two people I no longer have any contact with and while those memories are fond, many others are no longer fond but this is the one thing I’ll always be thankful for.

This game changed my life. 

I grew with this game, I was 15 years old when I started this game, I’m 21 now. I’ve used this game as a coping mechanism, as a social platform, as a creative outlook, as a creator. I have made entire worlds and entire stories based on this game, I have formed sentences and structures while writing about these characters that I never would have before. 

On this topic I want to talk a bit about my first character, my first main, Tomomi. I was so young when I made his name, it quite literally translates (or what I thought it did at the time) to tiny blue plant. I don’t actually think it specifically translates to anything now actually. His creation was very basic, blue my favourite colour, I chose the elementalist because I was told I could use lightning magic (for a good 2 years I ONLY used lightning). But his gender was something I didn’t want to admit, I made him male because I knew when I was 15 that I was not female. I didn’t know how to tell anyone. So what does a dumb little teenager do? They make a character for how they wished people would see them. All the little “he’s” or “it’s him!” from the npcs made me feel like I wasn’t hiding to them, I could just be who I wanted. When I was 18 I realised I was transmasc non-binary. I finally! had a word for it! And then Tomomi felt like a comfort. He was my realisation that I didn’t need to hide, that I’ll be loved by the people who truly care. I’m very attached to him and I always will be. 

Ashal came from a dnd game. I was invited to play a guest character, Ashal, so I made her in guild wars 2 as a reference. Who would’ve thought I’d love her so much she’d become my main? I love her because she’s happy and she represents the best in people. 

The game itself I have nothing but praise. The story not only is inriching but it introduces you to a group of characters who you genuinely see grow and become better people. 

Canach will always be my example, he went from nothing. From a criminal, a slave to Anise. To becoming someone who is loyal to you no matter what, he genuinely sees you as someone who he can trust and he got the happy end he deserved. But despite the happy end, despite the fact he got everything, he would still do anything for the commander. 

Rytlock who went from brash and closed off to worrying about the commander and opening up to them, defending them, admitting his mistakes. 

Braham who was a teenager who lost too much in such a short period to realising his worth and that people rely on him, that he can be content while carrying a legacy he never asked for on his back. To finding himself.

Rox for yearning for a home, yearning to belong and finding that home! 

Taimi for confiding in us, for giving a voice to those who are disabled that she never gave up and neither should you. That her disabilities do not define her worth. 

For the commander, whichever race you chose, for going from someone thrown into a world they did not understand. From losing one close to them and gaining new family, for creating a home for those who were lost and making them feel safe.

For the community here and in game, who made ME feel like I belonged somewhere. While I will admit my last few moments with my most popular guild were not positive, I will be thankful for the summer nights playing for 12 hours straight on a voice call while making lockdown feel bareable, like I wasn’t alone.

I’m thankful for PRSM. My current home. My friends. 

For @luseminias-dream, @duskroots, @shiverpeakstraveler, @sylvari-bouquet and @greekmuller for staying by my side and never abandoning me. For making the game feel like home after all the trauma I went through.

And also for EXOS, especially @akurathereaper, @fuuinrei, @fellis-world, @arcadios-v and @nyfian for taking me in again and showing me that guilds weren’t scary, that I still had a place within the community. For being my friends. 

I know this is less a review and more just a love note to the game but truly, this game changed me. This game will always mean something to me, so  to the new players joining us. Welcome to Tyria, welcome to our family. 

#gw2 #guild wars 2

[ysapawithfeelings]

POLO

Somebody somewhere once said, “Dogs will never hurt you, except when they die. And even then, it’s not their fault.”

Since Day One, I always knew we were on borrowed time with Polo. God knows we tried so hard, fought so hard, and did everything we could to keep him alive. But nothing could save him: not my tears & fervent prayers, not my brother’s positive outlook, not my parents’ medical expertise & skills, not the handful of medicines he was forced to take, and not the best vets we could find in town. In the end, he still went—and all we could do was let him go.

Polo was given to us by my god father, Jojo Canlas, a little more than five years ago—June 2017 to be exact. Actually, he wasn’t just given. If you know my ninong Jojo, you would know his gift of gab and persuasion, so he pretty much just barged into our house one day, carrying tiny Polo on his arm, and telling us these exact words, “Kunin niyo na ito. Ang alam lang niya magmahal.” So even though we were still on a longstanding grief after losing our German shepherd a year before, we accepted the nameless, three-month old cocker spaniel with open arms. But he wasn’t just any cocker spaniel. He only had three normal paws. He was born with angular limb deformity—perhaps his leg was crushed by his siblings inside the womb. Or maybe he was just meant to be a tripod. A perfect, living tripod.

He was an extremely cheerful puppy. He had a hard time walking and running, but he did not seem to mind. Sometimes, he ate his food lying down. It was my brother, Ryan, who gave him the name Polo. And as soon as Polo chewed on and ruined several sets of slippers, we all have fallen in love with him. Hard. Our only prayer that time was we hoped that despite his disability, our love was enough to make him feel complete.

And I believe he felt complete. Five years is so short, and I find it heartbreakingly unfair losing him this early, but the quantity and quality of time we spent with him were immeasurable. At the height of the pandemic, Polo grew so much more special to us. During the lockdown, it was then that he officially became an “inside dog”. He slept inside our room, joined us during dinner, stayed by my exercise mat whenever I was working out. Every corner of the house is now filled with his memory: the wall near the ref, under the sofa, the pillars near the dining area, the backyard that housed mom’s plants, and even the roof deck where we checked out the neighbor’s dogs and tried to befriend them.

It’s no secret from the world that back in 2020, during those months that the pandemic was worsening, ABS-CBN was shut down, and I was laid off shortly thereafter, along with thousand others. Polo was my buddy every step of the way – from getting retrenched, being jobless for months, going through grief and misery, getting a new job, facing more and more challenges and ordeals along the way. When I thought I was sick with Covid and was self-isolating, Polo would even climb two flights of stairs just to visit me. Polo gave me so much love and joy, when the world wasn’t too kind and generous to me. Ang dami niyang binigay sa akin, nung mga panahong sobrang ramot ng mundo.

He was also Ryan’s seatmate during his online classes, my dad’s lone spectator during online consultations and therapy sessions, mom’s clinic and drive-thru chaperone, and my grandmother’s favorite afternoon visitor. When the pandemic restrictions loosened, Polo was always with us everywhere we went – to the beach, the mall, our family friends’ houses, road trips, joy rides, or simply running errands.

When we adopted an Aspin and called him Blackie, there were times Polo would be all alpha and bully him, but mostly, he was friendly and nice. And then voilà—we had three dogs, our very own version of PBB: Polo, Bunjie, and Blackie. Two of them had disabilities: Polo only had three legs, meanwhile, Bunjie lost his vision years back. It was clear to the two Bs that Polo was special and that’s why he was the family’s favorite. They didn’t mind. In fact, they always let Polo get his way. Or maybe in hindsight, they just always knew that he wouldn’t be here for long—as his health had been particularly sensitive the last few years. And now, well, there’s just no more P in PBB.

Polo had a temper of some sort. There were two instances when he bit me out of sheer jealousy and irritation. One left a faint scar, and one day, I’ll die happily with this scar on my arm, knowing I’d be well on my way to see my perfect boy’s face again. Right now, I already miss his bark, his wagging tail, his pinker than pink tongue, his passion in playing with his favorite toys (which we placed beside him when we finally laid him to rest earlier today), and his lingering presence in the house he helped be a home.

Polo was such a sweet boy. He preferred being around humans over fellow dogs. He always made sure we had company, that he won’t cause trouble or inconvenience. Even as he finally left us, I bet he still considered choosing today because he knew my parents did not have clinic appointments on Tuesdays. He even chose to go on a perfectly breezy weather. He probably saw how stressed, sleepless, and sad we’ve been the past eight days. Every single day, I could feel the life draining out of his body. I could see his eyes losing focus and always staring off to a far distance. I kept praying for healing, for a pre- and post-Christmas miracle, but I always had the sinking feeling it was all out of my control. It wasn’t the same as when he got seriously ill back in 2020 and 2021 – his current illness was evil and ruthless and was not up for giving him the slightest bit of chance.

When I saw him having the most difficult time breathing, literally gasping for breath with his mouth open and his pupils beginning to dilate, I whispered all my I love yous, I’m sorrys, thank yous. I also told him it was okay to go; it was okay to stop fighting and that we will be okay. My family did the same. Ryan even showed him his worn-out tennis ball one last time. And then five seconds later, he breathed his last. He was pronounced dead at 9:10am by my mom who verified his death through her stethoscope. His good heart had stopped beating, and his eyes, in all their glory of beautiful long lashes, had stopped blinking.

And now my heart’s broken beyond repair. It’s not the first time I lost a dog. My closest circles know how devastated I was with Hector’s passing. But I guess it’s just more painful now because Polo was with me when I immensely struggled with the lowest of my lows. He witnessed everything: our imperfect family with all our flaws and weaknesses and shortcomings – yet and still he never judged us for any of them. He loved us through and through, without conditions, without reservations, and I’m absolutely sure, without end.

I know he was on the expressway to heaven on the same hour he expired, but please keep our perfect boy in your prayers today. We take solace in the thought that he is healthy and happy in heaven, with no disability whatsoever, and that he’d be waiting for us by the gates, as he did on earth, wagging his tail and whining out of sheer excitement and joy. He might even end up peeing, like he did one time when I arrived from a long vacation.

We love you so much, Polo. Thank you for everything. Thank you for spending your last Christmas with us, and for staying with us as long as you could. Thank you for giving us enough time to surround your death bed and utter our last farewells. You fought well and hard, my brave buddy.

We will miss kissing you good night. Sweetest dreams to the sweetest, fluffiest boy.

[the-rainbow-of-doom]

.

#the outlook on still being in lockdown by end of this year makes me feel so crushed … #also knowing that the current situation could have been avoided if government just cared to listen to experts #but instead they chose ignorance and badly executed half baked ideas for months … #ohh also wearing ffp2 masks is mandatory now. sadly in my case they never fit. so air is leaking to all sides when i breathe #(needless to say that this is the opposite of how a mask is supposed to work) #thats why i wear a fabric mask on top. and it works! (heck it's even scientifically proven that it increases the protection) #despite this i almost got thrown out of super market for 'not wearing mask' (.. even though the ffp2 mask was visible) ..... #i feel super anxious now when i leave the house because i want to have a non-leaking mask but also i don't want to fight with security staff #and don't even get me started on vaccination. I'm 2nd highest priority (due to preexisting health condition) and receive 2nd shot late july #…

[funkymbtifiction]

Hi Charity! I hope you are doing well. I have a question about judging types. Do judging types get frustrated by monotonous tasks  or tasks that require constant attention? Or is this a perceiving function problem? And if its not, is there a way to deal with this?

I’m pretty sure I’m an EFJ. Even before this quarantine, I couldn’t stand doing household chores, primarily because it felt so pointless having to build and work on something only for it to turn to be for naught and having to start again the next day. It’s like a worthless necessity that needs to be done for the house to function. And I always try to get them done asap so that I can do anything else but this. And it gets on my nerves that my siblings don’t cooperate and do their part and in the end I get told I’m being too rigid and I should stop nagging them.

But its not just chores, I don’t like sitting in one place for too long  because I get very fidgety. I find studying at one place for fixed intervals on a daily basis extremely mind numbing and so I tend to only study a few days before the test or before the assignment is due and it normally works out for me. My general approach is like “okay if I mess up and don’t get a good grade, then that’s a lesson and I’ll just do better and start earlier next time”. Except its gotten worse this year because its almost as if I’ve stopped caring and that worries me because I normally put in a lot of effort to maintain my gpa and have a good standing and now I’m really worried by this almost apathetic outlook I’ve ended up in. 

I think that’s why I like going to college, because I had so much to do and people to talk to and different places and libraries to sit in and study at. But back here at home, my life feels confined to my bed and my desk and it just really makes me feel disheartened by how my life seems to have turned out and everything looks kinda bleak. I know that rationally, others too are in the same boat, but I can’t help but feel concerned because others don’t seem to be struggling like I am and seem to still have fun. 

And it all ties back into everything feeling monotonous now and how everything feels like a chore to do. I used to love the classes I take and even had a clear idea about where I wanted to go after I graduate. I used to be so optimistic and would always have something to be thankful for and look forward to, but now it feels like I’m trapped in this endless cycle and I’m confined here and I can’t get out. 

So is there anyway or anything that I as an EFJ can do to go back to my normal achiever self while I’m stuck at home or do I have to tough it out till lockdown is lifted?

Thank you so much for your time and patience. I really appreciate all that you do for us :)

To be honest, this sounds more like an N problem than an EFJ problem. ESFJs are more comfortable with routine tasks, but N users become angsty with too much same-ness and boring, rote behaviors. Housework is something “you do” but you find no pleasure in it.

As an ENFJ, you’re facing a loss of big picture perspective combined with frustration in the moment -- a Se loop. You are cycling between how unhappy and frustrated you are right now and how you are stuck in a situation that does not foster your ability to engage with other people and new environments and allow you to move toward the future that you want. On the bright side, you did not mention over-spending, so you’re ahead of a lot of ENFJs at this point in the pandemic. Tert-Se can become quite excessive in chasing after pleasures to distract themselves from hating their present situation / their boredom. ;)

To some extent, yes, you are going to have to wait this out, but there is a bright side in that the pandemic is going to wane, the vaccinations are doing their job, and various states are opening up, so by this summer large swaths of the country (assuming you are in the US) are going to be open to you; and the rest of the world may soon follow. Hopefully. So, I would re-engage Ni by going into yourself, thinking about the future you want, visualizing it, and focusing on the intellectual and/or psychological side of things more than on your present stuck situation. Do something or read something that engages your intellect and challenges you to adopt a new way of thinking. If you are stymied by a lack of physical changes, challenge your mind. ENFJs sometimes neglect Ni development because Se opportunism and being present is ‘easier,’ but now is a good time to get in touch with and strengthen your N. Think about what you can do right now to get prepared for the future you intend to have, that will allow you to use NiSe in tandem the way it’s meant to work.

N’s feel frustrated when they are not MOVING FORWARD. Stagnation is something that you hate, so start intellectually working toward the future, even if you cannot physically yet change your environment. That will help you.

I also sense some Enneagram 7 frustration in play here, so you may want to read up on the 7 profile and growth patterns and see if some of that is playing into your approach to life. You may need to learn how to balance ‘fun’ in your daily life through little pleasures rather than focusing on a constant need for outer physical stimulation. It could also be 3 related, if you used to be very focused, ambitious, and determined to succeed, and are now in a state of apathy.

Lastly, this is completely normal. Millions of people feel the way you do right now, in that things do not seem “worth doing” because they exist in a state of depressive “no one cares, nothing is changing, so why should I make any effort at all?” I battled that all of last year... but things ARE going to improve, they ARE going to get better, and this is just a temporary blip. A depressive state, because your life has been disrupted for the last 12 months. Allow yourself a period of mourning and sadness, and then think about what you can do to get yourself out of your depression. Because honestly, that’s what this is: depression. There are endless resources out there for you to consult, and therapy if you feel it is truly serious in such a way that it is preventing you from functioning normally.

#question #mbti #enfj #depression #pandemic fatigue #submission

[lostmoonbunny]

Greetings from a Panini World

Yes, I did call this a "panini". I'm hesitant to use the word "pandemic" as I feel many of us have a knee jerk reaction to hide from everything once hearing or seeing that word. However that's the current stat of events. The year? 2021 Where I am located its very much so post quarantine and society has attempted to "return to normal" but its impossible. Between the anti- maskers, anti-vaxxers, and everything else it truly is impossible. "What do you mean?" you ask, well allow me to take you on a journey of a human that has gone through this "history in the making" and share what its been like since January 2020 to September 2021 from the eyes of someone that lived it. -I will preface this with saying, there will be gaps, I have trouble with object permanence, concept of time, and I have memory issues due to past concussions so bear with me as we stumble through the memories of my experiences.

So here we go... Let's travel back to January 2020.

2020..Ahhh the big year of "Clear vision".. HA! No, not today. What I remember was being concerned about this horrible virus but didn't think it would make its way to where I lived.. ( I would be unsurprisingly corrected shortly after this.) I worked, had my birthday, and it was quickly February. The virus was quickly spreading and making its way downtown walking fast faces past.. oops..sorry I got sidetracked, it was making its way down throughout the nation. We celebrated my partner's birthday, and soon after the month was over. February always flies by. March...ahh March, this is where everything started changing for me. Many states were shutting down around us fairly quickly too. ( I have opinions about how the US should've shut down sooner, but we're not here for politics...but yes it should've happened sooner.) My partner, younger brother and I made a last minute trip to the next state for a day trip. Which was fun don't get me wrong but the places we went to shut down for the state's quarantine the next day. My state would follow barely a week later. I was furloughed. That..that was an experience. All of us received the same message as it was a group message. It stated that we were all effectively unemployed ( so we could apply for benefits if we chose to) and that if and when we reopen that they hoped we could come back. I immediately messaged my boss and the boss that messaged us all and double checked learning that I was on the "short list" for rehires. That made me fee a bit better but I was still sad. My partner was considered "an Essential worker" so they worked through the entire lockdown. I swear Animal Crossing New Horizons is one of the only things that got me through that.. from this all the days blended together till June. Not don't get me wrong, plenty of things happened on a personal growth side that was beneficial like I started going to therapy, got even closer to my cousin that lives on the west coast, I played with my cats and dogs more, I caught up on sleep, all sorts of things but the way it had to happen sucked. Also in this time period, my favorite uncle contracts the virus and is put in the ICU on a ventilator. I don't remember how long he was in there but he made it. He is now healthy and survived the virus. So lets fast forward to June. My place of work reopened under specific guidelines. Now I don't know if I've ever mentioned this but I live in the southeast. The southeast, in summer is AWFUL. Its hot, its humid, and then if it DOES rain that humidity just goes up and it gets worse. To give you an idea while the temperature might say its 84 degrees F but the real feel might be 95F. I don't know why they don't just say 95F but that's how it is the southeast... So imagine if you will mid June, being reopened with special rules, masks required for everyone 5 years old and older, and no buildings but restrooms open to the public. The amount of rude, hateful, uncaring people almost made me lose my complete faith in humanity, and its not very high to begin with. Also for context, I work in retail. I feel that says enough there. These rules extend till the end of the year and into part of 2021. While all of this is happening the US is having their presidential elections and everyone has crawled out of the woodwork that you had hoped would stay there. At this point I'm hoping for the best because we really need a paradigm shift in society. We need to truly need to change as a society and in many way, catch up to the rest of the world. I finally gave in a got to tiktok and realize that it is very much a time devourer. I've realized that I feel as if the term "Cassflux" fits how I feel about my gender best, and fully accepted my journey on the path of being a witch.

Lets move in to October, October I ( and my partner) travel to Texas (cautiously) for my cousin's socially distant wedding and our anniversary. That was amazing and the slight escape from reality was truly needed. On our way back we made a stop in NOLA and it was a fun visit, but I realized my baby witch self hadn't veiled or warded myself nearly enough and it got all of "spidey senses" all out of wack. knowing now what I should've done, I do want to go back. The rest of the year went by both incredibly slow and yet in a flash. The US elected a new president, I was working as hard a possible to avoid the virus as much as possible and my partner had gotten a new job with a different company that was making them more happy. So this brings us to 2021. This is the year that I feel that I am truly coming into my own despite living in the middle of a global Panda Express. January brings my turning a landmark age and celebrating it with a new hair style, new outlook on life, progress made in therapy, more self acceptance, and just overall more happiness. The world is still the same, better, but also worse. The vaccine is being produced, distributed, and made accessible. February brings another birthday with my partner's birthday. March rolls around and we jokingly celebrate our work's closing a year prior and then continue to work. The vaccine is made available to retail and food workers so I go and get the first round of the "Dolly Parton" vaccine with my co workers. (If you were wondering its Moderna) We go and receive the second dose later at the correct time. April and May kind of blend together for me because that the ramp up for the busy season at work. June & July are busy but everything is moving forwards. I finally take a step more into the current era of technology and upgrade my phone and computer. ( After several years of going back and forth of not wanting current gen tech or not, because that stuff be expensive!) I reconnect with an old friend and we have a much healthier friendship.

August....hecking August.. We are short staffed at work, busy as heck! My partner is also hecking busy by being called in for almost every problem. The world is deffo changing. The US is in a state of nah nah a boo boo with vaccinating vs not, virus outbreaks having an uptick, universities starting back, Texas deciding that the government gets a say in a woman's reproductive rights... sorry I'll try to not get political. My ( like many others) using tiktok as a means of escape from this reality.. I'm so beyond mentally exhausted by everything that I just want to be somewhere that I can breathe a bit more easy... Its deffo not the southeastern US. September: I. am. exhausted. Working a bunch. Dealing with people doubting the virus, the usual Karens and Richards, counting down my days to vacation. My partner is beyond exhaustion. They've worked more in the past six weeks that they have in two years. The 20th year of 9/11 comes and goes. Not to sound like a country song, but remembering where I was at the moment the planes hit is something that has stuck with me...despite my concussions. I was in my English class and its was between classes and they had the tvs on. So many parents were coming and calling their kids out the school got to the point they weren't going to let kids leave.. ( if the parents complained enough they did.. I was a poorer kid in a more affluent school) My parents weren't going to take me out of school so I finished the day out in a state of confusion, not understanding the gravitas of what was going on, and not understanding was the emotions I was feeling watching the crashes were. I don't claim to even comprehend the emotions of this date to people who lost loved ones in the crashes, or in the oncoming days of the country going to war, I just know how it felt as a child to see something so major happening. I feel its like the kids now living through this panic at the disco. [[If you read this and you lost someone due to either of these horrific events please know that I in no way am invalidating or belittling your feelings or experiences. I merely am trying to describe all of how I feel throughout 2020- roughly current day 2021 and these are the things I was thinking and feeling on this particular day.]]

The days start to blend again as I attempt to countdown the days till my short vacation. Once that starts I get to finally relax as does my partner. The amount of sleep my partner has gotten is incredible and they deserve it dang it! This brings us to today, The last day of September 2021. This are changing at work and I'm not wholly sure of how I feel but I know it will be an interesting discussion for me to have with my therapist coming up. That's all I've got for now.. Hopefully I'll pop back in sooner to give more perspective on what its like living through all of this chaos. Just keep moving forward.

#lostmoonbunny #globalpanini #livingthroughaglobalcrisis #itsachaoticworld #life update #my life #grow #hopeful #becoming me #very tired

[newmusickarl]

Album & EP Recommendations

Album of the Week: Grapefruit Season by James Vincent McMorrow

“I’m trying to be less prepared” stated Irish singer-songwriter James Vincent McMorrow this past week at his Rough Trade Nottingham In-Store show. This was mentioned in the context of McMorrow telling the audience of his decision to “wing it” for his first gig back post-COVID lockdown, rather than intensely rehearsing as he would previously. It turns out this new laidback outlook on life has been key to McMorrow coping better with the anxiety he has dealt with his whole life, but also to unlocking the songs that are to be found on his fifth album, Grapefruit Season.

During the Nottingham show to which I was lucky enough to attend, McMorrow made a point to say that this new album, his first in four years, is the one for which he is most proud, as he felt it was him being as open, honest and care-free as possible with his audience of listeners. This is evident almost immediately on second track Gone, which feels like the tone-setter for the rest of the album, centred on a striking refrain of “I give less f*cks than I used to, still give a lot of f*cks.” Discussing the track with Broadway World last year, McMorrow said:

“Gone is about the disintegration of relationships. In my case, the disintegration of my relationship with myself. No song or lyric I’ve ever written has come as close to this one at capturing how I feel about life - how I hear it, my fear of it, my obsession with it, my belligerent belief that I can control it, my quiet acknowledgment in the middle of the night that I will never control a single thing. And there’s nothing wrong with any of it. There’s absolute beauty in embracing the chaos and the decay.”

This freedom and “embracing the chaos” attitude have clearly helped McMorrow to hit a new creative peak, with many of the tracks on this new collection some of the very best he’s written to date. From the soulful guitar grooves of Planes In The Sky, the string-tinged piano ballad Poison To You and the infectious downbeat pop melody of Hollywood & Vine, McMorrow is constantly found in fine form. However, arguably the album’s finest moment comes in the form of Headlights, a gloriously produced, synth-driven track, which also features some wonderful gospel-like vocals and bluesy guitars towards the back end of the track. It’s quite dazzling, much like almost every track here.

James Vincent McMorrow has always been an immensely talented songwriter, but thanks to his moment of personal enlightenment he is sounding better than ever on this latest album. With unfiltered, sincere lyrics and inventive sonic explorations, Grapefruit Season makes for quite the audio journey.

Listen here

Montero by Lil Nas X

Rapper-singer Lil Nas X seems to cause controversy through simply being unapologetically himself and as a result, his debut album Montero has been one of the most hotly anticipated pop albums of 2021.

Having burst onto the scene with his breakout single Old Town Road, Lil Nas X has since delivered several massive singles in the build-up to this debut, with each one accompanied by a cinematic or visually extravagant music video. The reaction to these by some narrow-minded folk has been that of shock and outrage, with people seemingly appalled and astounded by Nas X’s openness with his own sexuality. Off the back of the bold, tongue-in-cheek video for the title track, some even suggested the singer was actively promoting Satanism through his work. This is all of course nonsense and if they were to listen to his debut album with an open mind, they would find that Lil Nas X is just a pop star that is willing to be refreshingly honest and candid about who he is and what he wants from life.

Both introspective and confessional, Nas X proves across every track on this record that he’s not only capable of writing great pop music, but he’s also not in the least bit afraid of showing his vulnerability to the listener either. This can be seen on recent single Sun Goes Down, where Nas X offers insight to his struggles growing up and fitting in, conflicted by his complexion, his homosexuality, and finding himself lonely and isolated as a result. There are several quite tender moments like this, including the brilliant guitar-driven rock ballad Life After Salem, however they are evenly balanced out with more upbeat moments like horn-backed single Industry Baby. There’s also some pitch-perfect collaborations to be found here with Doja Cat, Megan Thee Stallion, Miley Cyrus and, most notably, Elton John, all lending their talents at appropriate moments.

However arguably the strongest moment comes when Nas X dips his toe into some pop punk for the album’s sort-of centrepiece, Lost In The Citadel. With some stylish production, heartfelt lyrics and a killer mix of guitars and synths, it’s just a mightily well-crafted pop song.

Overall, this is a star-making first outing for Nas X, who was already well on his way to global success before this record had even landed. However now he is well on his way and importantly with this debut, he has shown he is not just a flash in the pan but a truly great popstar in the making.

Listen here

Silence by Alexis Taylor

And finally this week, Hot Chip frontman Alexis Taylor released his quite stunning fourth solo album, Silence, a record that comes from the other end of the spectrum to that of his electronic outfit. Built entirely around Alexis’ soulful vocals, a piano and some well-placed, understated string arrangements, there is no dance to be found here but rather a beautiful collection of ambient ballads.

The pick of these is the title track itself as well as Violence, the latter of which offers one of the most haunting tracks I’ve heard all year. Ending quite unceremoniously with the gentle crashing of the Wollongong Waves, if you need something peaceful and reflective this week then I can’t recommend this album enough.

Listen here

Tracks of the Week

Let’s Get The Party Started by Tom Morello & Bring Me The Horizon

Kicking off the singles front this week is a rock collaboration of gargantuan proportions as Tom Morello of Rage Against The Machine teams up with Sheffield metal behemoths, Bring Me The Horizon. Built on goliath-sized riffs and an anthemic chorus, this one is a straight up rock banger that will have you moshing out in no time.

Listen here

U&ME by Alt-J

Elsewhere, Leeds-based trio Alt-J marked their return this week with the first single from their upcoming fourth album, The Dream, which is due to drop early next year. My initial thoughts are that this track feels a lot like more of the same, with Joe Newman’s quirky vocals backdropped by some folky harmonies and guitar melodies. It is not a dramatic comeback or shift in style, but fans of their sound will no doubt still enjoy this one.

Listen here

Hall of Mirrors by Let’s Eat Grandma

Also making their comeback this week are the brilliant duo of Rosa Walton and Jenny Hollingworth, otherwise known as Let’s Eat Grandma. Hall of Mirrors is their first new music since their phenomenal 2018 sophomore album I’m All Ears, and sees the duo shift away from their experimental electronica over to the dreamy synth-pop melodies that they first started introducing on that wonderful second album.

Listen here

Godsend by Sundara Karma

Also returning with new music this week are Reading-based indie outfit Sundara Karma, who continue with the pop experimentation they started on last year’s Kill Me EP. With a heartbreaking chorus and some soaring instrumentation, it’s a comeback that’s both immensely moving but also quite triumphant.

Listen here

Earthlings by Nick Cave & The Bad Seeds

Nick Cave & Warren Ellis have also announced a new B-Sides & Rarities album this week. Due for release in October, it pulls together all their best lost gems from 2006 to 2020, including this stunning off-cut from Ghosteen that features gentle tribal chanting over some truly transcendent synths.

Listen here

FAKE by Lola Young

Singer-songwriter Lola Young continues to be one of my favourite discoveries of the year so far, with this new single seeing her channel the late-great Amy Winehouse for this soulful and bluesy ballad. If you’ve not heard Lola sing yet, just check this one out and I guarantee you’ll be blown away.

Listen here

I’m Sorry by Josef Salvat

Australian singer-songwriter Josef Salvat also released his brilliant new single I’m Sorry this week, a pulsating synth-driven track with a wonderful neon-glow and 80s-style pop shimmer.

Listen here

Set You Free by Kyla La Grange

And finally this week, Kyla La Grange made her long-awaited return to the music world, releasing this absolutely amazing and completely unique cover of the N-Trance classic, Set You Free. Also comes accompanied with a typically artistic and colourful video from La Grange, which you should find the time to check out.

Listen here

#james vincent mcmorrow #grapefruit season #headlights #montero #lil nas x #alexis taylor #tom morello #bring me the horizon #josef salvat #lola young #sundara karma #alt-j #nick cave #nick cave and the bad seeds #kyla la grange #let's eat grandma #new music #best new music #album of the week #tracks of the week

[sage-nebula]

Do NOT reblog, or I will delete the post and block you.

There are so many posts on here about “eldest daughter this” and “oldest sibling that” but there are no posts that talk about what it’s like to be the middle sibling when your oldest sibling is a complete and utter fuckup in basically every way.

I’m technically the middle child. I have a sister who’s 8.5 years older than I am, and a (technically step-)brother who’s nine months younger than I am. My brother became my brother when I was six and he was five, so the “step-” determination is really meaningless, but I added it to explain how he could be my brother when he’s only nine months younger than I am. Anyway. I have two siblings, one older and one younger, and so that makes me the middle child, right?

Well, yes . . . but also no. 

As you could surmise by the opening paragraph, my older sister fucked up in basically every conceivable way. I won’t get into her whole life story here because that’s not my story to tell (though believe me, there are doozies in there), but suffice it to say that every single choice she made is one that most parents would disapprove of. All three of my parents certainly did. And so what do you think happened when it came to me? 

I’ll tell you what happened. 

Because my older sister fucked up in every way one could possibly fuck up, there was a fear, I suppose, or a concern that I would, for whatever godforsaken reason, follow in her footsteps even though the two of us could not be more different in terms of attitude, outlook, goals, et cetera. As a result, if I did even the slightest thing wrong, the punishment hammer came down on me with all the might of Thor celebrating a delicious beverage. I failed geometry in junior year of high school due to an undiagnosed learning disability (along with undiagnosed severe depression and an undiagnosed anxiety disorder, all following years of abuse at my biological mother’s hands), and I was put under lockdown for the entire summer. I was not allowed to leave the house except to go to summer school, I was not allowed to talk to or see any of my friends, or play video games, or watch television, or be on the internet, or read, or write fiction, or do basically anything besides the aforementioned summer school and listening to music. To this day, my parents think this was a good decision on their part even though they now know about the learning disability and myriad of mental illnesses. They think it was a good call for them to punish me like they did.

And so you would say, okay, but if they punished you that severely because they didn’t want you to end up a drug-addicted high school dropout like your sister, surely they would level the same punishments against your brother, especially since you two were so close in age! Well, you would think that, but nope!

Instead, when my brother was around seventeen, he got pulled over and arrested for marijuana possession. (I think he was pulled over in the first place for speeding, but I can’t remember.) His punishment was to have his car taken away for six months. That’s it. He still had all of his other privileges, was not punished in any other way, he just could not drive for six months. He got in actual legal trouble, but he was still allowed to have hobbies.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that my brother should have been punished more harshly, per se. I’m only saying there was a stark difference in the way that we were treated that my family refuses to acknowledge or own up to even to this day, and it all comes down to the fact that I was never cut slack in either direction. If I was compared to my older sibling, then the fact that she had screwed up so royally in basically every single way meant that I would be made to stand at attention so I could be yelled at for an hour for failing a math class, and then continue to be berated and insulted for how I was clearly never going to college (I have a master’s now, by the by) because of it over the next few days, and yelled at further for having “nothing to say to myself” in the face of all the lecturing. But if I was compared to my younger sibling, why, then it should be expected that he always gets off easier, because he’s younger than I am and the baby of the extended family and, well, I’m older and more mature, so I can handle it better, anyway. And I mean, I guess, for the record, true; I took my punishment in silence because as a victim of child abuse for basically my entire life I never stood up for myself against my parents back then and always just stayed quiet to try to make punishments worse, whereas he threw fits about having his keys taken away every single day for those six months, but also we have to consider how “mature” one really is if that “maturity” stems from a decade and plus some of child abuse.

Because see, that’s the thing, and what has made me really start thinking about this the past few days. I mentioned it on twitter, but a week ago I got into a fight with my mom (stepmom, the better of the two) over politics that has effectively led to her disowning me, I think, which in turn means that my dad has disowned me as well, I think, because I’m pretty sure he’s going to take her side on this one. I won’t get into the actual subject matter here, but the long and short of it is that she accused me of “attacking” her when I wasn’t, and has since then refused to speak to me, even when I tried to offer an olive branch by texting her that fine, I wouldn’t talk to her about politics, but I still loved her. She left me on Read. So the way I see it, she’s not talking to me until I apologize, and I won’t apologize, so she’ll never talk to me and I’m just effectively disowned, I guess. It’s not exactly the first time I’ve lost a parent, and actually, it’s kind of in the same way as the last time.

Fifteen years ago, I left my abusive biological mother to live with my dad and stepmom. (I’m going to keep using stepmom to keep it clear from here on out, just as I use biological mother, even though I do call my stepmom “mom” and consider her as such.) At first my biological mother kept trying to reach out with her pity party guilt tripping about how lonely she was and how much she needed me and yadda yadda, but in the last phone conversation we had, she called me a traitor for leaving her. Keep in mind, I was 15, and she was abusive to the point where the neighbors could hear every profanity and threat she screamed at me from down the street. They told me this. They also told me they always thought about calling CPS, but they never did, but whatever. The point is, on that last phone conversation, she called me a traitor for leaving her. I told her that I wasn’t. She said that I was. I told her I didn’t have to listen to that. She said I did. I said I didn’t, and hung up the phone. I expected her to call right back to curse me out . . . but she never did.

That was fifteen years ago, and we’ve never spoken since.

Don’t get me wrong, I don’t want to speak to her. Actually, the one time it looked like it might happen (at my sister’s wedding), my Fight or Flight response kicked in when I saw her walking toward me and I bolted. I had a panic attack so bad I felt like I was going to vomit. It’s really embarrassing to admit that, but it’s true. The only time I’ve seen her since was at my nephew’s high school graduation (which is the only graduation she got to attend for anyone directly related to her, since my sister dropped out and she didn’t attend mine), but although we made eye contact I looked away pretty quickly and, again, didn’t speak to her. Again, I don’t want to speak to her, this isn’t me complaining, I’ve not lost a single wink of sleep for the fact that she never reached out again despite how my dad likes to go on and on about how she should have “never stopped trying.” (But also, he never picks up the phone to call me for a chat either, despite always telling me how I should call him, so.)

But I just can’t help but notice the similarity. Once again, I have a mother who is refusing to speak to me because she feels I’ve wronged her in some way, and if I want a relationship, then I have to be the one to reach out (even though I already did, but was left on Read, so she wants me to reach out in a very specific way that she won’t even articulate). This isn’t the first time that she (and my dad) have done this, either. When I studied abroad in London, we got into a fight over something stupid over Skype, and I hung up the call. I was 19/20, so you know, not fully mature, but expected to be. Two weeks of silence passed before I had to call them to apologize, because even though their daughter was in a completely foreign country and, hell, could’ve been dead for all they knew, they wanted to Teach Me A Lesson, with that lesson being that unless I behaved the Right Way, they wouldn’t be there for me. And I guess here we are now, about eleven years later, having come full circle with that.

And you know what? I’m tired of it. 

Because here’s the thing about being the second child when the first child is a fuckup in every way: you are expected to not only not fall into those same pitfalls, but also to excel in every single possible way. Not only in terms of grades or whatever else, but also in terms of emotional maturity and support for the parents. This veers into the abuse I experienced, I know (at least some of it), but you know how I mentioned that my biological mother kept going on and on about how much she needed me and whatnot? This is because instead of treating me like her daughter, I was instead treated like her combo maid-servant-therapist. It was my job to wait on her hand and foot when she was home, whether that was through fetching her coffee or being in charge of the refrigerator remaining operational (this sounds specific because it is; when I was about 13 the refrigerator broke and she yelled at me for a.) not knowing it was going to break and b.) not doing anything to prevent it breaking), but also she laid out all of her problems to me day after day, month after month, year after year. Do you know how many times I had to sit and listen to the “your father ran out on me after 22 years of marriage” speech? And when I finally asked her if she could stop she yelled at me because I clearly let him badmouth her but I wouldn’t let her do the same. (He actually didn’t, and neither did my stepmom. She was the only one remaining bitter.) She “needed” me because I was the emotional pillar on top of which sat her own degrading stability. The second time I told her that I wanted to live with my dad (because I told her to her face that I wanted to switch the custody agreement twice, and got browbeaten down twice, before I finally left in secret and didn’t tell her until I was already at his place), she picked up smoking cigarettes again after having quit smoking while she was hospitalized for undiagnosed diabetes and told me that it was my fault that she was smoking again, because I had stressed her out so badly by telling her that I wanted to leave. And like, one, obviously I wanted to leave, is there any question of why I wanted to leave or why that wouldn’t make me just want to leave more? But also two, the point I’m getting at here is that it was always about her, always about her emotional needs, never about mine. My emotional wellbeing was never a priority in that house. I was always expected to be there for her, that was my entire purpose as her daughter. 

With my dad and stepmom it was obviously different, and in a lot of ways it was better because, god, I hated having to be the recipient of the constant stream of stress and misery from my biological mother. My dad and stepmom had each other, so I never had to hear about their woes for the most part. But at the same time, look at what happened when I failed geometry; instead of looking into seeing if they could get me diagnosed with a learning disability, or maybe actually listening to me when I said I felt “burnt out” and pushing a little harder for me to go to therapy, my dad instead yelled at me for an hour and several days after, insulted me, told me I was never going to succeed, and put me under lockdown for the entire summer, cutting me off from my support network of friends. I came from a background of 15 years of abuse, and one fuckup a year or so later lead not to a reexamination of how I was doing, but instead a severe punishment so that I “wouldn’t do it again.” I couldn’t pass a math class in university and in my final year I finally broke and went to my parents about how I really wasn’t going to graduate college because of it, and they agreed to pay to get me examined for a learning disability which, whoops, looks like I had! And my dad still blames me for waiting for so long to get diagnosed and not telling him sooner, when the last time he found I failed a math class that summer lockdown happened. He still hasn’t put the pieces together between that lockdown and why I didn’t tell him about the math classes I failed in university. Amazing.

My point is, with my dad and my stepmom, it wasn’t so much that they used me as an emotional sponge or pillar, but rather that they were pretty much uninvolved so long as I performed adequately, and was the model daughter they could be Oh So Proud Of, but the moment I slipped, bam! Go to jail, go directly to jail, do not pass Go, do not contact your friends. My emotional needs were still not a priority because it wasn’t about whether or not I was okay, but whether or not it looked like I was doing okay in ways that were quantifiable, such as my grades. And I mean, to be fair, I wasn’t exactly keen on opening up about my feelings at that age and I was a pro at masking how I felt and acting like everything was fine because my biological mother would berate me on the car rides to school each morning to the point of tears, and then would yell at me more about how I better clean myself up because god help me if any teachers saw me crying, which would make them think she was a bad parent and that, too, would be my fault. (Protip: Washing your face with very cold water helps clear away the puffiness around the eyes that can be a tell you’ve been crying.) But even so, again, that puts the responsibility on me to do the Right Thing so that they could be there for me emotionally as my parents, and that is just—

I’m so tired of it, man!

I have had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of one. Never. My stepmom once tried telling me that she and my dad would love me unconditionally when I was a teen and she was trying to get me to admit I was a lesbian (funny thing is, even I didn’t know I was gay at the time), and my dad walked through the living room and, not even knowing what we were talking about, was like, “No we won’t.” So that was great. But the thing is this whole thing proves that she was full of it, too. Because they tolerate me being gay (while still trying to set me up with men), but because I won’t apologize to my mom when I haven’t done anything wrong but she feels like I have, she’s giving me the complete and total silent treatment until I do. Because I didn’t perform in the way I’m supposed to, because I wasn’t The Mature One, I’m being cut off. Because it’s my job to be The Mature One, because I was always The Mature One, because I never had any goddamn choice in the matter and the dysfunctional environment I was in when I lived with my biological mother (+ my sister, her baby daddy-now-husband, and their two very young children whom I was often put in charge of despite being in middle school at the time because their parents were often too busy doing drugs and/or sleeping to care for them) required it. Because I had to be Kept In Line so that I wouldn’t end up like my sister, but also it was just me that had to be kept in line despite how close in age my brother and I were. And again, I’m not saying that I wish my brother had also been punished harshly, but more that I wish that, you know, maybe some mercy could have been doled out to me, except it wasn’t, because I had two siblings on either side to be compared to and as a result one toe out of the line resulted in a smiting.

But in the end, it isn’t even really about that. This post isn’t really about how I’m simultaneously the eldest daughter but also the second child. It’s more about the fact that I’ve had three parents and yet have never had the unconditional love of even one, even from the one who said I had it. It’s about how my emotional needs were never a priority for any of the parents in my life. It’s about how I basically had to raise myself and it’s a real goddamn wonder I’m not even more screwed up than I actually am because of it. And it’s also about how I really miss therapy and haven’t been able to go for a long time, and I think this rambling stream of consciousness post proves that I really, really need to find a new therapist so I can go back again, because goddamn.

Anyway, once again, do NOT reblog this or I will delete it and block you, I just needed to get this off my chest, but I need it to stay here. Thank you.

#NO REBLOGS--//-- putting it there for good measure too #very personal ranting about past child abuse because it's 2am and I can't sleep & my life story is a Mess #and also I'm presently disowned from my parents etc etc that's what brought this on #''Gee Scrawlers why do you have such a preference for loving parent-child found family relationships in fiction?'' #well [gestures above] does that answer your question or #not all of a person's fictional preferences are derived from their trauma but boy #some of them sure ass can be #anyway #i need to find a new therapist probably sooner rather than later

[thepropertylovers]

What Foreigners Really Think of The U.S. Right Now

The other night, after the kiddos went to bed, we decided to watch the second Borat movie that just came out (have you seen it?). It was insane and hilarious all at the same time, but it got me wondering: what do folks who don’t live in the U.S. think of The United States of America right now? What is their perception of us?

So I decided to pose this question on Instagram and wow. Y’all did not hold back. I want to thank everyone who submitted for your candidness and honesty, even if some of these were hard to swallow. It’s important to note that just because these are their opinions of America, it doesn’t mean it is all necessarily true. Regardless, it was interesting to read everyone’s thoughts and get an outsider’s perspective.

We received hundreds of submissions and couldn’t post them all, but below, people from all over the world share what they really think of the United States at the moment.

Leadership is out of touch with reality and messing things up real bad, not just for the U.S. but also for the world. What’s worse is that half the country is being misled successfully. It just shows poorly on the country all over. -Annonymous

Your president is a disaster when it comes to foreign politics and corona. No class, no knowledge. A joke. Very scary to watch. But half of the voters are happy with it. And that is even more scary. Very difficult to understand the hate and ignorance in your society right now. -Mikkel

It’s just weird. Everything basically. I totally understand now why the U.S. is described as '“flawed democracy” in the democracy index. It’s just a crazy system which is not providing equality among people- regarding the vote especially. This system leads to the fact of the two big parties (similar in the UK basically). But democracy is about diversity in opinions and options. Not just two. -Max

The US is more divided than ever. The two parties cannot work together nor do they appear to want to. The government is no longer run by reason, facts, and policy aiming for the betterment of the entire country and or world in the long or medium run; rather it’s instant gratification for the few who benefit from nepotism. Lies and misinformation are used to build a dictatorship hiding in the form of “patriotism”. And those who could act as a check or balance focus on their own personal gain, putting their needs above those of the persons they should be representing. -Joel

I personally don’t think there is a very good atmosphere in the USA, especially right now, Trump’s administration does not protect the American people or the economy. He only cares about himself and his male-white supremacy. The worst of all is that lots of Americans think Trump is actually a good leader (idk why, honestly). But thank God that people are starting to wake up and fight about what they believe. We can see it through BLM protests, feminist movements, and so on, and the whole world is proud about those people fighting for their rights. America was once the land of dreams, but nowadays (with all that is happening) it is even scary to go there. Lots of things have to change and those changes have to start, voting and defending your rights and your beliefs are the first step. Greetings from Spain. -Antonio

The main reasons I can think of are vote suppression/gerrymandering, expensive health care wealth inequality, racism, lack of fun control… -Brian

Definitely find the hypocrisy of the Republicans so annoying, Trump still being in office, the fact that there has been no police reform or justice for Breonna Taylor, the gun laws, and the COVID numbers just to name a few. -Brian

Here in the UK it seems like CARNAGE over there..don’t get me wrong, it’s wild here too but Trump is insane and it’s really odd seeing so many Americans supporting him. -Dan

Really worried about the fact that you might go for 4 more years with Trump and the fact that he’ll for sure contest the results if he loses. Add to this, all the racial violence and in particular the way some policemen act without being condemned by any judge. And finally the pandemic which seems to be even more out of control than in other countries. This is coming from someone who lives in France where we’re going to be under lockdown for the second time since the beginning of the pandemic (2nd lockdown starting tomorrow evening and will last at least until December 1st 😢). -Estelle

To put a long story short, let’s just hope Cheeto doesn’t get reelected otherwise our UK trade deal will be a disaster and we don’t need any more negative influences in the UK around gender and sexual equality.-Christian

I think with this administration, the US has demonstrated how to shipwreck a whole nation economically, ideologically, socially, and politically within a really short period of time. After just 4 years, we’ve come to associate the US with widespread narrow-mindedness, a lack of respect and courtesy to other nations (and minorities in its own country for that matter), short sightedness when it comes to global phenomena like environmentalism or migration patterns, and a celebration (by some at least) of almost barbaric notions of violence, oppression, and backward thinking, all under the camouflage of its constitution and socio-historic heritage. We’ve really admired the Obama administration over here in Europe, which-despite its flaws and shortcomings- has opened up the US to international partnerships and has established an ongoing discourse shaped by mutual respect and politeness…the contrast couldn’t be more pronounced these day…-Sebastian

I look at our Prime Minister and government and then see Trump and think we really could have it so much worse! Vote!! -Ant

As an American living in London, I can tell you that the news coverage here makes the US look like an absolute joke. Mainly due to 45, his lies, his bigotry, and his insane desire to make covid seem as though it’s a falsehood “created by the left” while hundreds of thousands of Americans have ben victimized by this pandemic. What was once seen as a country of opportunity and freedom, is sadly no longer held to that level of greatness in comparison to its neighboring countries. It saddens me because I had plans to move back home within the next year or so, but if the US continues on its path, I can see myself in London for the unforeseeable future. I can’t live in a country where I am seen or believed to be lesser than another because of my sexual preference. I can only hope and pray that this election brings the change we need to be that country of greatness once again. -Rob

Very poor to be honest. And I’m not necessarily [talking about Trump]- I think the immediate reaction is to blame him. Though, he is pretty awful. There was obviously a huge level of social and other problems in the US, and the current administration has exploited them to the breaking point. Whereas more “skilled” past administrations had the ability to leverage those issues for their benefit, but not let it boil over. I actually thought Trump would be a positive for the US and world- in that his incompetence would force other world leaders to step up. Meaning more equity in how disputes etc. are assessed and the US wouldn’t bully smaller nations. I think the US has hit the point in its journey with capitalism that the USSR hit with socialism in the late 80’s that led to its collapse. Does that mean collapse for the US, I don’t know but the system isn’t providing equity and equality for all as it stands. -Paul

Worried but also hopeful for you guys because I don’t think all citizens in America reflect the current administration. It’s been really great to see people voting early and making their voice heard. No matter what happens just know you did what you could in this moment in time. Even though the current administration provides a scary outlook for the future. As long as the current and future generations lead with love, there will hopefully be a brighter future. Love from Canada. -Ajetha

I've been subscribing to all of the US News since the Black Lives Matter Movement commenced and honestly, it made me scared as a Filipino Asian to step foot in the States ever since. I have big dreams of flying over there and probably working there as an immigrant after I finished college. However, when I found out about the racial injustice that is currently ongoing in the country, I became hesistant of still wanting to live there. Although, I'm positive that there are still people like you two that will be open about working immigrants, I really hope that racism, sexism, homophobia and transphobia will end for good among every human beings in the US and also around the world. I do wish and pray that the 2020 US election will make certain amends to the current situation y'all are experiencing because it's getting pretty scary out there. -Harvey I’m an American living overseas working for the US government. I’m trying my hardest to stay overseas so my family and I don’t have to come back to the mess that is the US right now. From politics to COVID, it’s not a good time. While the virus may be surging again in Europe, at least the people comply with the government rules. Sometimes I believe Americans take freedom and liberty a bit too far, especially when it comes to the greater good. -Anonymous

Allthough on social policy the US is no real example for us (I think there is more social ‘security’, more justice, high standards in education for all in most of the EU countries), they always have been a ‘safe haven’ in big international politics. It now feels like ‘they have our back’ doesn’t imply anymore. -Jasper

Well personally I think the country seems in total disarray, instead of focusing on the real issues in the streets both house of the capitol are focused on bashing each other during the election campaign which is a circus due to the sitting POTUS. The obsession with the right to bare arms and the gun culture bewilders most other countries, you have teenagers walking into schools with Assault weapons and yet people still want guns to be available, worst still you ban one type of assault rifle but another just as powerful is kept on sale, it’s plain weird. -Philip

Neither candidate represents their party well. As an outsider looking in, it just baffles me that either of these men could potentially be the leader of the free world...It genuinely feels like worrying times are ahead for the US. -Marc I'm from India and living in Germany at the moment. The race problem in the US is as bad as the class/caste problem in India. Even if I don't have money I can go to a government health center in India. I just had an operation and stayed at the hospital for 18 days here in Germany, I had to pay only 180 Euros, everything else ( the operation and the many tests and scans that followed) was covered by the insurance. When my friends at the US heard about it they were shocked about low the hospital bill. There are really great labs (I'm a researcher) that I would like to work but I have no intentions of working/living in the US for a longer period of time. -Maithy

I think the US has become a joke to the rest of the developed world. Neither candidates running for president are fit to run such a powerful country. I can't help but feel after the election if Trump wins the left will riot and if Biden wins the right will riot. The country might just rip itself apart. American politics has zero empathy and zero morals. Honestly its terrifying. -Andrew

The US has always been a bit confusing to me - the two party system, the focus on religion, the divide in income and possibilities- as well as being the beacon of light in the fight for human rights, the strong personal pride in creating caring societets, the blending of and openeses for ethnicities and cultures... But for a while politics have become not at all about politics, religious beliefs are taking charge in policy work, the wealthier part shows little companion towards the less wealthy, the public spending is way above budget year after year while health care seems to be crazy expensive and not for all. The intrusion of US interest in politics in other countries are blunt to say the least, creating conflict where human lives have no value if they’re not US lives... School shootings that seems to be acted upon as that is part of normal lives, and schools to expensive for even middle class kids to study at... This is a shift in trust and soft power that affects all of us. -Olof

To be honest, I couldn’t come to the US right now, it scares me. The leadership, the gun laws, the violence and the divide of the nation. It sucks, because I love America and have been there 7 times in the last two years from Australia for work... but not anymore. I’m not coming back now until peace wins. -Anonymous

The fact that such a hate filled government is presiding over what is one the greatest countries in the world is scary. And it is seriously mind blowing that out of such a powerful country filled with some of the greatest minds in the world it’s these two men are the best you can do to be your next president. Unbelievable. Seriously unbelievable. -Rachel

I think the orange dude in office is making you guys look bad. But also, good (?). Seeing the black lives matter movement and so many of you stand up to the problems your country faces has been inspiring. One thing our countries have in common is how we are divided into very distinctive opposites sides. I mean, where do all these racists, bigots, utterly, madly conservites people came from? I few like a few years ago things did not seem so much as a boiling pan about to explode. Or maybe they were all hiding and when a lunatic like them rose to power (how that happened still boggles my mind) they all showed their true colors. It’s scary. I hope Trump doesn’t get reelected. Brazilians loooove to imitate americans🙄, so if he gets reelected it makes that much probable that our lunatic will also be in office for four more years. P.S. have you guys watched the show Years and Years from HBO? A really good watch is this election times! ☺️ -Taty

Re. The US atm. Unfortunately your president has made your country a laughing stock around the world and he's destroyed relationships with allies. It's gonna take time to rebuild all of that. He's also moved an entire branch of your government to the far right, even though the majority of the country if left/centr of left. So you've a supreme court that doesn't represent you and it's looking like they're going to try and take away rights from people. You have a healthcare system that doesn't look out for its people and there's this bizarre fear of universal healthcare that seems insane to every other 1st world country. If if Biden wins (and I really hope he does for everyone's sake), there's going to be a lot of work in undoing the damage Trump has done before he can even get into what he wants to do. All the while you've an ultra conservative highest court. There's also the massive political division and the systemic racism. It's a lot. It's not impossible, but it's going to take so much time and people who want it to change. -Ciara

I’ve been sitting here for an hour thinking about your question and there are many different outlooks I could raise so I’ll keep it generic. I’ll start with the elephant in the room known as Covid. Each day, our morning news informs us of what your leaders are doing and daily case numbers in the US. We sit here completely shocked at how your government has let it reach this point. You may have heard that Melbourne has just come out of one of the strictest and longest lock downs in the world. I wouldn’t wish that upon anyone to have to do, but I will say, I feel much more comfortable to be able to go to the shops knowing the numbers are at about 2-3 a day instead of in the thousands. I do think that your government does need to address this now, could even be making it compulsory mask wearing. It’s hard for me to comment about your economy as we don’t here much about it, but I will say Trump ‘says’ make America great again, let’s get more jobs, they are pro life, yet how is someone who is prolife not doing anything to stop a virus that is killing people? Isn’t your unemployment rate worse (pre-covid) than what it was when Obama was president? I think as a generic outlook, if change isn’t made in the election, the outlook from a Australian does not look like it would be something you’d want to be apart of. I love America. Have visited a couple of times, even thought about moving there, but at the moment, I’ve never been more thankful to not be there. -Ben

[the-bounce-back]

THE “WRITING CURE” - 3 TYPES OF JOURNALING TO IMPROVE YOUR MENTAL HEALTH

Happy New Year, guys!

Yes, it is far too late to say that… but it’s my first post of 2021 and I’ve been procrastinating hella... so please kindly cry elsewhere if this is an issue. Thanks in advance! 

I hope that everyone has had a fantastic start to the year despite the fact that we’re going to be held hostage in our own homes for at least another four months.

After giving myself time to throw a fit and and a little (massive and unnecessarily dramatic) strop after hearing the news about the new lockdown and calming down a bit, I started to contemplate how different it is this time around, for better or worse. Worse in the sense that it is a) the middle of f*cking winter so we can’t even enjoy being outside and have socially distanced pIcNiCs, and b) because it literally came out of nowhere so there was zero chance to mentally prepare for it. I literally woke up from a nap, checked socials and found out that we were suddenly on lockdown… Do you realise how mad that is?

Luckily, there are some silver linings with this lockdown that I brutally force myself to focus on so I don’t lose my sh*t. One thing is that most of us probably know by now how to keep some kind of structure to our days this time - because as much as binging trash tv, being horizontal for 75% of the day, eating, chatting shit on facetime for an obscene amount of hours, bunning and going to bed at 8 am was all fun and games the first time around, chances are that you realised pretty soon that your life was literally just wasting away and you have nothing to show for it… besides bedsores, losing all muscle definition and a migraine, that is. Yes, being lazy and unproductive is needed sometimes, but eventually you’re literally gagging for something to do - and this time around you probably have something creative or work-related to do that can keep your mind preoccupied.

Additionally, this lockdown comes hand in hand with the rollout of the vaccine, meaning that the end of this nonsense is coming closer and closer. Regardless of if you’re planning on taking it or not, it still means that the emotions that are a result of isolation and lack of social interaction won’t last forever - which, for me at least, is great news and makes things feel a lot less hopeless.

However, as much as focusing on the pOsItIvEs is imperative during times like these, it’s equally as important to acknowledge and feel your feelings. This whole situation f*cking sucks, let’s be real. We miss our families, we miss our friends, we miss going out, we miss going to the gym/having the option to go to the gym and making excuses not to. We miss our old lives, and the realisation that it is going to be what feels like eons until we can get back to that is bound to get people in their feelings from time to time… or all the time. I often find myself forcing myself to stay productive and creative, only to have the thought “What’s even the point?” attack me out of nowhere, and it really kills my vibe - because sometimes I can’t even think of a decent answer.

It’s dangerously easy to fall into a slump under these circumstances, regardless of how resilient and strong you feel that you are. Forcing yourself to find structure, purpose, inspiration and motivation during this time may be extremely important, but mate...  it is exhausting. There’s only so much mental energy you can use to be ray of f*cking sunshine, and once that energy runs out, replenishing it is a huge task since you can’t even do the things you usually do to feel rejuvenated - because outside is locked off.

Ok, so I’m definitely projecting. But I know that a lot of people can relate to these occasional feelings of hopelessness.

This is where I’d usually remind you that these feelings are tEmPoRaRy and will pass, but I’m not going to do that because you’re probably sick of hearing it by now. Instead, I’m going to reintroduce you all to a coping method that you’ve all probably come across in your lives already - journaling.

As in, journaling with intent. I’m personally not very big on the whole “dEaR DiArY” thing where you just whine and b*tch and complain about people/yourself (but to each their own I guess), but I’m talking about writing about topics designed to aid your healing and to help you see the bigger picture of your mental health, and life in general.

I wrote a post a couple years ago about alternatives to therapy for those that aren’t keen on talking to a stranger about their problems (if you missed it, read it here), so I thought that this post could be an elaboration on that. Seeing as a lot of us may feel disconnected and isolated from our family and friends at this moment, getting into writing about your current mindstate, emotions and worries is definitely a healthy outlet that I would recommend to anyone that doesn’t want to bottle things up, but don’t feel like they have much choice.

“But Liv! I don’t have time to write endless pages about my feelings because I’m ~*extremely busy*~!”

I thought you might say that. First of all - extremely busy during a lockdown? Stop the lies please. Secondly, I’ve found that journaling is very much like going to the gym - once you’re into it and see the benefit of it you gladly set time aside to do it. However, if you view it as a gruelling chore that you’d less rather do than all the dishes currently in your sink, it’s very easy to come up with excuses to not do it. To be fair it isn’t for everyone, so if you try it and hate it it’s not the end of the world.

“Ok, you got me. I don’t want to do it because writing is LoNg” 

I think what puts people off journaling has to do with the image that pops into their head. To this day I still imagine Elle Woods writing in a pink fluffy diary with a pink fluffy pen on her bed and kicking her feet in the air - which may be appealing to some (me), but cringe to other (uncultured) people. But journaling doesn’t have to be done on fancy stationary - you can literally do it in a word doc in bullet point form, or even record voice memos if writing is sOoOo LoNg. The idea is that you should find a method that works for you, doesn’t feel like a burden and that you can incorporate into your routine.

With that being said, I know a lot of people reading this will still think of excuses to not do it, so let me just focus on those that are open minded enough to try something new chile. I’ll be covering my three favourite journaling “methods”, that have helped me stay sane, motivated and in touch with myself. They are very much focused on emotional, spiritual and mental growth, and will encourage you to think outside of the box when it comes to your mindset and attitude towards challenges that may (will) arise.

What’s important to remember is that what works for me may not work for or resonate with you in the same way, so I definitely encourage further research into journaling/journal prompts that are tailored to your needs. Let’s get it!

1. Gratitude journals.

To say that a gratitude journal - as far as journaling goes, at least - is imperative for your mental health during times like these is definitely the understatement of the century. When you wake up and find yourself still being held hostage, that your body is still in an absolute shambles despite all the useless hOmE wOrKoUtS you’re doing AND on top of everything it’s f*cking snowing, learning to see things to be grateful for amidst all the stress and frustration might seem like a very difficult task. Especially when you feel like setting the whole building on fire.

However, trust me when I say that taking a few moments each day to appreciate the little things that are getting you through it all will make you realise that things could actually be a whole lot worse, giving you a slight boost in your mood and outlook - because imagine how you’d feel if the thing/person you’re grateful for wasn’t there to help you through what can be a really sh*tty time? 

On top of just feeling better about this situation on a day-to-day basis, keeping a gratitude journal can also help you keep yourself grounded, present, self aware of what matters to you and just more mindful about life in general. When there’s not a whole lot of options of things to do, it can be very easy to fall into thought patterns of either wishing time would speed up so the future can come, or reminiscing on better and happier times in the past. I wouldn’t necessarily say that there is anything wrong with this from time to time, but it’s important to remember that life is still passing you by. On top of that, considering what made a kind of crap day bearable will help you realise that many of what we consider to be “bad days” are oftentimes a direct result of a negative attitude. Yes, I am projecting with this one.

With that being said, some days are genuinely just unfathomably horrible for seemingly no justifiable reason whatsoever - regardless of if you woke up feeling like a ray of sunshine or not. Again, even when bad moods aren’t a direct result of your stank attitude, practising gratitude can give you the motivation and kick in the arse you need to just ride the day out and remember that nothing that happens is permanent or unfixable. 

Then, of course, there are the days when everything just feels like a burden - including thinking about positive things. Sometimes slumps just dropkick us in the throat out of nowhere, and it’s okay to take some time to allow yourself to be pissed off, sad and depressed. Obviously everyone has their own preferred method of riding out these slumps (my personal favourite is wallowing in it until I realise that I need to get a f*cking grip), but I definitely recommend trying to find something small you’re grateful for to remind yourself that it will pass, as this knowledge can make heavy emotions slightly lighter.

In terms of frequency, it really is down to the individual. I’m lazy in the sense that I don’t want to write every day, so at the end of each week I just write about three things that made things a whole lot easier and that prevented me from wilding the f*ck out. And in terms of what you put in the journal, the sky is literally the limit. It can literally be anything that has contributed to you keeping your sanity; last week it was katsu nuggets, the neosoul playlist I came across on Spotify and the fact that I was finally able to switch from a nose stud to a nose ring that made me feel grateful. So, in other words… don’t worry about it having to be profound or meaningful in any way.

2. Positive affirmations.

I’m going to go ahead and assume that you don’t live under a rock and that you understand the meaning of the saying that words carry energy and power, and the concept of speaking things into existence. When I first read about how the words we speak to ourselves and others can transform our internal states on a deep and profound level… all I could think about was how f*cked I am, as I literally only communicate in sarcasm, and brutal drags and insults are my love languages. In my defence, my sarcasm is a coping mechanism that has completely gone off the rails - but that’s a post for another day. The point I’m trying to make is that words have extreme power, and can, when repeated often enough, alter your attitude, perception and feelings about yourself, your goals in life and your current situation - for better or for worse.

So... technically we shouldn’t even be engaging in any kind of self-deprecating humor - because our brain doesn’t actually know the difference between seriousness and sarcasm/bants. All it knows is taking words at face value. BIG yikes.

With that being said, affirmations are powerful and positive statements that aim to direct your conscious and subconscious mind, as well as challenge unhealthy, negative and self-deprecating thinking patterns you might currently be engaging in. They can also influence your subconscious mind to access new beliefs - hence why saying them out loud and with intent on a regular basis is considered crucial for them to actually work. By intent I basically mean speaking your affirmations with conviction, like they are already true - regardless of how far away from them being true you may feel that you are.

In terms of writing positive affirmations that genuinely work, there are many different formats and methods out there that can be adjusted to the individual. I personally utilise a 3 step method that has been working well-ish for me so far - it’s still early days, but it’s definitely a positive habit that I’m trying my best to continue. The 3 steps are as follows:

1, Listing your perceived negative features.

Notice how I say “perceived negative features” as opposed to just “negative features”. This is important because more often than not, the things we are insecure about or don’t like about ourselves are only truly noticeable to us. 

These features can literally be anything negative that has stuck with you over the years, regardless of if it’s a product of your own conclusions/internal critic or criticism/negative feedback from an external source. Usually they focus on your perception of yourself as a person, how you cope with life or the current situation you are in (e.g. home-/work-life, relationships etc).

The purpose of writing down things you don’t like about yourself isn’t to make you feel like sh*t, I promise. It’s to help you identify recurring themes in your insecurities, and to help you understand where these perceptions even came from in the first place. 

2. Rephrasing your perceived negative features as a positive affirmation.

In this step, the aim is to find positive antonyms to the negative features you have listed. It’s important that the words you choose carry weight and resonate with you on an emotional level, while also feeling believable and attainable to you. This, because if you’re anything like me you’ll feel like you’re just lying to yourself if the affirmation is too over the top… which kind of defeats the purpose. 

For clarity, here are a few of my perceived negative features (in the past), what they allude to and the affirmations I wrote for them:

- I worry too much about what other people will think about what I do, what I say, choices I make etc (fear of not being accepted/being talked about negatively) —> “I am feeling more empowered and self-assured as I release the need to care about others’ opinions”

- I’m too naive and keep letting people that don’t have my best interest at heart take advantage of my kindness (fear of disappointing people, fear of abandonment) —> “I am a kind, empathetic, loving person, and I am not at fault for showing kindness to people that didn’t deserve it”

- I hate the way my body is built and I constantly feel unattractive (low self esteem/confidence, body dysmorphia) —> “my body is beautiful, built exactly as it was meant to be, does all it can to ensure that I am strong and healthy and is immune to both internal and external criticism”.

3. Repeating your affirmations regularly.

This is where the ~*magic*~ happens. Yes, I am aware that telling yourself that you are that b*tch while looking into your own eyes in the mirror sounds very cringe and very coming-of-age-Netflix-original-for-tweens like. I can’t lie, it was in the beginning and I felt absolutely ridiculous… especially because a lot of my affirmations didn’t reflect how I felt about myself at the time. But as you incorporate repeating your affirmations into your daily routine, you’ll eventually start to feel a shift in your mindset towards yourself. The words you speak begin to chip away at the self-doubt and self-hate that you’ve built up over the course of your life, and you feel like you actually are stating facts instead of just trying to convince yourself.

Besides forcing myself to speak my affirmations out loud on a daily basis - regardless of how I’m feeling - I also make an effort to review them every couple of weeks to make sure that they are still relevant to how I feel about myself. Ideally, over time you’ll realise that the affirmations you made in the past confirm what you have always known deep down - that you are more than enough exactly as you are.

3. Shadow work.

Ok, so this sounds very dramatic, scary and ominous - and can’t lie, it can be if you allow yourself to be afraid of facing certain parts of yourself. In very brief terms, shadow work refers to the uncovering, processing and healing of different aspects of our “shadow” - which is essentially all the thoughts, emotions and behaviours we suppress and hide away in order to be perceived as “normal” by others around us. This might not seem like a problem, but the issue here is that the concept of “normality” and what is considered to be “normal” is in itself deeply rooted in the individuals past experiences, and especially childhood. For example, a person that grew up in an environment where expressing emotions and vulnerability/sensitivity was seen as a weakness may have problems with expressing their emotions as adults - since they have been conditioned to believe that emotions are a weakness, and are meant to be hidden away in order to be accepted.

As you can probably imagine, going through life with these false truths ingrained in your mind have a tendency to eventually come to the surface in some way in the future. Constantly feeling like you are restraining certain parts of yourself - regardless of if you’re aware of this or not - can manifest as issues such as mental and physical illness, feelings of low self-worth/esteem, addictions and many others issues that affect our life quality severely. These repressed aspects of ourselves are referred to as our “shadow selves”, and if we don’t “bring light” to the shadow - i.e. face the qualities we have that we have held back for so long - it can truly hold us back from reaching our full potential in life. 

With that being said, shadow work encourages you to force yourself out of denial about certain aspects of yourself, accepting it, and working on unpacking and bettering those aspects without judgment from your ego. I personally struggled a lot in the beginning of my shadow work jOuRnEy because it was infinitely easier to think of myself as a victim of others doings, rather than a combination of other people’s actions and how my ego and shadow self chose to react… if that makes any sense. I used to hate doing shadow work, because I felt so ashamed and angry at myself for allowing my ego to be distorted by lies and other peoples’ projections for so long. 

However, when these feelings arise and you feel like quitting - because WHY should healing be so f*cking painful - it’s actually a sign that you are headed in the right direction. Messed up, I know. But over time, you’ll become so used to sitting with your negative feelings towards yourself that they don’t even really phase you anymore, and you can admit that your shadow self and ego has caused you to form unhealthy habits and thinking patterns that can be detrimental to your mental health. Over time, you’ll develop a great sense of self awareness and self compassion, as well as great psychological, emotional and interpersonal maturity. 

Trust me. Being able to admit and accept that you are flawed without being harsh on or hating yourself is a BIG flex, and makes you unf*ckwittable. I actually dare someone to come and drag me for something I haven’t already dragged and forgiven myself for, because I haven’t had a good laugh in a while.

So, the bottom line with shadow work isn’t to bring light to your flaws to feel like shit about yourself (although you definitely will). The point is to bring said flaws to the surface, understand where they stem from, consider why and how it has affected you, and becoming aware of your triggers. Setting time aside a certain time each week to do this work and understand yourself on a deeper level gives you power over your ego, shadow self and triggers, because doing the work helps you see and understand that they don’t really have power over you unless you let them. 

In terms of format, I really just do whatever feels right when it’s shadow work o’clock. If I’ve had a particularly sh*tty week and can assign the blame to one of my shadow aspects, I literally just freestyle and write whatever comes to mind (my journal has SUFFERED this lockdown, honey). If nothing comes to mind, I like to make use of journal prompts that are designed to get you thinking and reflecting. I literally just get them online because I’m lazy, but here are some good ones to get you started:

- How judged do you feel on a daily basis? How much of said judgement is real and how much is imagined?

- What does it feel like to have your emotions belittled and downplayed?

- What has fear held you back from? Do you blame yourself or others?

- In what ways are you inauthentic?

As you can see, these prompts do not f*ck about. They’re going to get you in your feelings, make you feel weak and vulnerable and cry like a little b*tch, if you’re anything like me - not that there’s anything wrong with that! But the best part is that once you’ve finished writing, sat with all your negative emotions, accepted them and decided you are ready to move forward and heal, your triggers become less and less powerful - until the day comes when they’ve dissolved completely.

So, there you have it - three tools to help maximise your inner connection to your mental, physical, spiritual and overall wellbeing. As previously mentioned, there are tonnes more different journaling methods that can trigger a positive change in your mental health, and I definitely recommend looking into this and trying them out… wHeN yOu HaVe ThE tImE.

On that note, I want to reiterate that journaling shouldn’t be feeling like a time-consuming burden that you have to put a gun to your head to do every time - because brutally forcing yourself to do it is just going to make you feel sh*tty when you don’t/can’t/won’t follow through. It’s all about finding a time during the day, week or month (whatever frequency is best for you) that you set aside to really get in touch with and sit with your feelings. At the end of the day, it truly is a commitment that you make to yourself - and only you can decide how seriously you want to take this commitment. I will say this though - being inconsistent, procrastinating, skipping or making excuses to not do it only leads to distrust of the self. And If you can’t show up for yourself, how can you expect others to show up for you?

Check me out, leaving you all with food for thought and sh*t (and like I haven’t been ignoring the deadlines I’ve been setting for myself for weeks. Hypocrisy is and always will be my favourite pastime!). It’s giving Eckhart Tolle and I love it. The bottom line is that journaling can be a very powerful tool in your healing process, and it’s up to you to make it work for you. 

Until next time!

Love,

Liv

[hifilounge]

Taiko Audio SGM Extreme Music Server Now On Permanent Demo, This is A Quantum Leap For Digital Music!

Hi Everyone,

Now I am super excited about this new product we have just taken delivery of for demo. In 8 years of HiFi Lounge I would argue this is the most groundbreaking piece of HiFi we have had through our doors. I’m sure Taiko Audio isn’t a name everyone has heard of but I’m pretty confident they are about to change the digital music landscape with their SGM Extreme, for those who don’t know it is basically a £25,000 Music Server and a Roon Core and End Point all in one rather beautiful chassis, but what I love about it is that it has been designed with a no compromise outlook where it ends up costing what it costs but it will be the very best that is possible today and it really is a Quantum leap for digital music playback.

When Taiko was first mentioned to me I really was unaware of them and the rep suggested he bought it in for me to listen to and I’m always happy to try something new but I did tell him upfront that there is no way that I am going to bring on a £25,000 server, I mean who on earth would buy that, and then I heard it and I’m sure you can guess the rest, yep I placed the order there and then and have been waiting patiently and excitedly for the last few months for it to arrive, lockdown couldn’t have come at a worse time.

It really isn’t very often we get something ground breaking in this industry, everything is generally a refinement on what has gone before, but I really feel this is something very special and if you have the system to benefit from a Taiko I cannot urge enough that you give it a try, not necessarily to buy one but just to experience how good digital can be, it is amazing in just a few short years we have progressed from using NAS drives and computers for digital storage to the Taiko Extreme which shows it is still early days for digital and we’ve probably still got a long way to go but with products like this it really does take it to another level.

It has been said that the SGM Extreme can compete with the best turntables and Reel to Reels out there and at last gives something to people who have struggled moving from analogue to digital, I couldn’t really say but for me it was the air, space and naturalness of the sound it gives that drew me in, it really is totally captivating and it is great that there is a company like Taiko willing to push the boundaries and take digital to the next level.

So this is another step towards us putting together our Reference System that I planned out earlier in the year, just one more product to come, well 4 boxes really making up one product, what could it be? Then the listening begins.

But really I can’t stress enough please do come in to experience the Taiko, this is not me being a sales man, if you love your music you owe it to yourself to give the Taiko Audio SGM Extreme a listen to hear digital at it’s very best, I really wish we could do an open day this year to showcase the Taiko but obviously that is not possible at the moment but rest assured as soon as we can then this will be one of our first open days.

https://hifilounge.co.uk/product-category/brands/taiko-audio/

Cheers,

Paul.

#Taiko Audio

[atheartwild]

Well...

It's 6 am now and I've been awake for 3 hours. I honestly don't know how to deal with these ups and downs I've been having. My mood and my thoughts are so inconsistent that I feel completely lost...

I haven't been dieting, I'm just eating whenever I want and whatever I have at home, and that can be either 2000 cals or 200.

My apartment is a huge mess and every single time I tell myself I'm gonna tidy up a bit, even if it's 30 minutes, I end up on my bed wasting the hours away playing Animal Restaurant.

I met a boy prior to the lockdown and we were getting along pretty well. We met two months ago during carnival, we study at the same university and we were hanging out every single day. But now we are drifting apart very, very slowly, and that is making me sad. I don't blame him 'cause I know there are more important things to focus our attention on. But I feel like he isn't even my friend anymore.

Before him I was in a serious relationship that ended up being the saddest breakup I've ever had, and I thought I was over it but apparently I'm not. I still blame myself for everything and that hurts me so much.

Last Friday I watched Jojo Rabbit and even though the movie has a positive outlook out of a horrible moment in history, I felt sad and cried. I got all emotional about everyone that died and suffered, then got really fucking sad about the pandemic...I wanted to share my feelings with someone else but I realized I didn't have anyone to listen to me.

I've been living alone for three whole years and now I realize how distracted I always...now that I'm forced to deal with myself all the time...it hurts so much...! Because I am not the person I want to be, I am not loved, I am nobody...and the best I'm doing right now is smoking cigarette after cigarette, and cry...

#quarantine #lockdown #covid19

[bendoesblogs]

Arlo Parks: A Diamond In The Rough

In the shit show that is 2020, there has been some musical aspects that have brightened the future. When thinking of musical talents that have emerged from this year, Arlo Parks has to be one of the names at the very top of the list. She is a 20 year old poet/singer from London. In her words, she spent most of school feeling like that black kid who couldn't dance for shit, listening to too much emo music and crushing on some girl in her Spanish class. Trust me, she will have no problem fitting in anymore as she is building her own world around her.

At the age of 10, Parks had begun regularly writing poems and music. “I can remember spending a lot of weekends writing down my thoughts and making stories,” she says. “I’ve always been a very emotional person and as a child. I guess writing felt like something that I could do in private to process things. Being an empath [a person with heightened emotional awareness] you tend to absorb everyone else’s moods. I realised that being sensitive means you can connect to all kinds of people. I think I’ve learned that it is a gift as well.”

Parks is an extremely talented singer-songwriter, but most importantly a storyteller. When she sings, you listen, she is just that good. Throughout her education she frequently listened to emo music, which explains her empathetic outlook on teenage frustration, and adult depression which presents itself in her lyrics. Parks is now signed to the distinguished Transgressive Records (Home to Foals and Two Door Cinema Club). The release of her 2019 EP, ‘Super Sad Generation’, saw her dubbed as the voice of Gen Z, navigating her way around lo-fi, indie-leaning R&B to capture the unique blend of anxiety and empowerment that many young people are currently faced with. 

At just 20 years old, it feels like she has accomplished so much already. Outside of music, Parks is an ambassador for the charity CALM (Campaign Against Living Miserably). As well as this, her music also serves as a comfort blanket for those struggling with mental health issues. Her song ‘Black Dog’, which was released in May at the end of another difficult week of a lockdown, was written for a friend who was struggling with the debilitating day-to-day of depression. NME called it “the year’s most devastating song.” Although the song discusses the everyday struggle of depression, it also provides a sense of comfort that there are others around fighting the same battle. 

This sense of empathy towards others suffering reflected itself in the videos Youtube comments, serving as an open therapy session. Fans were communicating with each other, disclosing their deepest fears, shames and impossibilities. One comment reads: “Thank you for singing for me and many others.” The song perfectly encapsulates Park, it displays a very sombre mood, whilst simultaneously offering hope and a more positive outlook on life, that things do get better.

When talking mental health Parks explains her family work as a very important support network to her. “Within my family, there has always been a sense of openness, which I feel really lucky about, because I know it’s rare,” she says. “What I want to do with my music is to just encourage vulnerability, and to talk about things even if they’re uncomfortable. Everyone has mental health – everyone has a mind that works in different ways and goes through highs and lows.” With this type of mindset and understanding of the world we live in, her debut album will be nothing short of stunning.

Pakrs performed her first-ever gig at The Great Escape in Brighton in May 2019, and has since gone on to perform at Latitude Festival in June 2019. She also performed on the BBC Music Introducing stage at Glastonbury in late June 2019. Following her breakout year, Parks was invited back in June 2020 to perform in front of the magical Pyramid Stage for a socially distanced concert as part of the BBCs ‘The Glastonbury Experience 2020′. When the Eavis’ hold you in high regard, that is when you know you are a promising talent.

On the new music front, Parks says the album is still in its early stages, but that she has been very productive over lockdown: “I’ve been doing a lot of writing for it, just thinking about exactly what I want to say as this first big cohesive statement of intent. I was quite intimidated by the idea of it, because I love the album format. I’ve been focusing a lot more on the idea of nostalgia, just reading old journals and being very reflective.” However, if her recent single “Hurt” is anything to go by, the album will be nothing short of excellent.

Her voice in "Hurt’ is reminiscent of Shara Nelson’s voice in Massive Attack’s “Unfinished Sympathy”, and Parks would not look out of place whatsoever in that type of trip-hop collective. It is such a privilege to be witnessing Arlo Parks at the beginning of her career. The way she writes her lyrics and the way in which she carries herself is way beyond her years. What an exciting future she has both in and outside of music. 

#arlo parks #music #music review #glasto2020 #glastonbury #artist #calm #mental heath support

[theliberaltony]

via Politics – FiveThirtyEight

Graphics by Anna Wiederkehr

The National Bureau of Economic Research announced on Monday that the U.S. is officially in a recession. But while the country’s economy is still in dire straits, economists now think the recovery might be quicker — and less painful — than they were expecting a few weeks ago. Our survey of 34 quantitative macroeconomic economists, conducted in partnership with the Initiative on Global Markets at the University of Chicago Booth School of Business, found that respondents are increasingly optimistic about the country’s economic trajectory — at least when it comes to employment.

That newfound hope is mostly because of the jobs report released last week. Many of our sample of economists, who work in academic settings, had predicted that the unemployment rate would rise even further — in our first survey in this series, the median prediction was 20 percent. That turned out to be pretty far off the mark: The unemployment rate actually fell from 14.7 percent in April to 13.3 percent in May. The economists who responded to this week’s survey, conducted June 5 through 8, expect that trend to generally continue next month: On average, they estimated that the unemployment rate for June will be 12.9 percent. They also thought the labor market will be in an even better position at the end of the year. The average forecast for the unemployment rate in December was 10.6 percent, and the consensus forecast was that there is a 46 percent chance of the unemployment rate dropping below 10 percent by the end of 2020 (as opposed to an 18 percent chance in our last survey).

But the better-than-expected jobs numbers didn’t convince the economists in our survey that the economy will be back to normal anytime soon. Their forecasts for growth in gross domestic product, for instance, didn’t change much over the past few weeks. Respondents do think the economy will be growing by the end of the year — but nowhere near as quickly as it fell. “Clearly, the economy has started to climb out of the hole, but it’s a very deep hole to start with, and our respondents are not confident that we have begun a strong and sustained recovery,” said Allan Timmermann, professor of finance and economics at the University of California, San Diego. Timmermann and Jonathan Wright of Johns Hopkins University have been consulting with us on the design of the survey.

The forecasters were moved by last week’s jobs news, at least. Those who participated in both rounds of the survey revised their estimates for December’s unemployment rate down by 2.1 percentage points, on average. Mainly, that came from forecasters who had expected very bad unemployment numbers later this year coming down off those estimates: The third of respondents who forecast the highest median December unemployment rates in Round 1 revised their estimated rate down by an average of 3.7 percentage points. (The third who forecasted the lowest rates in Round 1, meanwhile, only revised their estimates down by an average of 0.4 points in Round 2.)

One of the economists who reduced their estimates the most was Wright. “I was very surprised by the May jobs number,” he said. “I had expected a number up around 17 or 18 percent in June with continuing job losses. It looks to me like the process of calling people back to work has begun earlier than I had expected. The fact that it begins early somewhat reduces the damage done and so makes the outlook for the second half of the year better.”

Valerie Ramey, professor of economics at University of California, San Diego, echoed Wright’s more hopeful sentiments. “The jobs report for May was a complete surprise to me (and many others),” Ramey said. “States are loosening up restrictions faster than I anticipated.” She added that the combination of those two factors — along with what she saw as “promising evidence on the COVID front” — made her more optimistic about both the pandemic and the economy. “If COVID is not so deadly, I think that even a second spike in cases will not result in severe lockdowns, such as the one we have just experienced.”

But not every expert we surveyed was equally swayed by the less-horrible-than-expected unemployment figures. Menzie Chinn, professor of public affairs and economics at the University of Wisconsin, said he was weighing the Bureau of Labor Statistics’ ongoing difficulties in collecting data on laid-off workers, along with developments in COVID-19 cases. He kept his December unemployment forecast the same as it had been two weeks ago, when his forecast was among the most optimistic. He told us he anticipated that the BLS will eventually be able to resolve an issue with worker classification that may have excluded some furloughed workers, which could cancel out the effect of more people going back to work. Unlike Ramey, he was expecting a resurgence in cases that could lead to new state-level lockdowns. “In this respect I’m more of a pessimist than the average respondent, I expect,” he said.

And even if the latest consensus is that the labor market is rebounding more quickly than expected, the economists weren’t optimistic that unemployment will plummet over the coming months. In our first survey, experts thought there was a 37 percent probability that the unemployment rate wouldn’t return to single digits until the second half of 2021 or later; now that probability is only 20 percent. Yet they still think it’s more likely than not that unemployment stays above 10 percent the entire rest of 2020.

“The rebound in jobs in the May data may be the easy part of the recovery in the sense that some workers were furloughed and are being called back as the economy reopens,” Wright said. “But other workers have more permanently lost their jobs.”

Still, the survey was somewhat sanguine about unemployment overall. That was also true for the experts’ assessment of what will happen with inflation. We asked experts whether they thought the core personal consumption expenditure inflation rate would either drop below zero (i.e., deflation), stay between 0 and 3 percent — where it has consistently sat for decades — or rise above 3 percent by the end of 2022. Our sample of economists thought there was an 80 percent chance it would stay in its usual range, with a 13 percent chance of inflation over 3 percent and a 7 percent chance of deflation. So despite concerns that the Federal Reserve’s monetary response to the coronavirus could cause runaway inflation or deflation, the consensus is that inflation rates will remain in a relatively normal range.

That measured confidence did not extend to overall economic growth, however, as the panel’s forecasts for GDP barely budged over the past two weeks. The average estimated second-quarter (annualized, quarter-over-quarter) GDP growth in the survey is now -26.1 percent, with an 80 percent confidence interval between -35 percent and -18 percent. While respondents thought there was slightly more of a chance that GDP recovers sooner than 2022, they increased the odds of it happening by the middle of 2021 only from 11 percent to 12 percent:

When will real GDP catch up to its pre-crisis (Q4 2019) level?

Consensus-forecast probabilities for when U.S. gross domestic product will return to its pre-coronavirus level, by date of survey

Probability Timeframe Round 1 (May 25) Round 2 (June 8) Earlier than the 1st half of 2021 0.6% 1.7% 1st half of 2021 10.7 10.5 2nd half of 2021 17.5 21.0 1st half of 2022 18.6 22.0 2nd half of 2022 21.4 20.1 Later than the 2nd half of 2022 31.3 24.6

Probabilities are based on the average from a survey of 34 economic experts.

Source: FiveThirtyEight/IGM COVID-19 Economic Survey

Although respondents think GDP will probably be growing at the end of the year (with an expected final-quarter growth estimate of +4.2 percent on average), that number is unlikely to be large enough to offset the economic damage from when the recession began — although it also depends, of course, on how much the economy recovers in the third quarter. And uncertainty about GDP remains as high as ever. In fact, the average range between the upper and lower bounds of respondents’ 80 percent confidence interval about second-quarter GDP growth increased from 17.5 percentage points two weeks ago to 18.2 points this week.

Karen Dynan, an economics professor at Harvard University and former chief economist at the U.S. Department of Treasury, said she remained pessimistic about second-quarter GDP because the reopening of the economy was mostly unfolding the way she expected. The more difficult exercise, she told us, was trying to predict what will happen in the second half of the year because there are still so many unknowns — like our limited understanding of the virus, a lack of information about how consumer and household finances are being affected, and how effective the government will be at implementing public health measures that make people feel comfortable leaving their homes again.

So while the jobs report appears to have made many of the respondents in the survey think the recovery won’t be as painful as they initially predicted, they also don’t think it’s a sign that the economy will be bouncing back quickly. Overall, the economists stressed that we shouldn’t read too much into one good jobs report — and that the jobs report provided only a small measure of hope to an economic outlook that remains bleak otherwise.

“In the recovery, we will see some months and quarters of much improved economic conditions, but this still does not mean that the economy is back to health,” Wright said. “1933 was a year of great growth, but it was still in the depths of the Great Depression.”

#IFTTT #Politics – FiveThirtyEight #politics #538 #Neil Paine and Amelia Thomson-DeVeaux

[sparda3g]

One Piece Chapter 919 Review

It must feel good for Luffy to be the savior of the leftover town. After exploring the piece of the country, it’s time to head over the gravesite that was once a castle. Will Luffy encounter a ghost or something strange? In One Piece, the latter is always the case. This was an interesting chapter that goes beyond than what you believe and I do mean “beyond.”

As mentioned in my last review, it appeared the arc is closing, but in reality, it’s closing one part of the big arc. Case in point, the chapter starts off by concluding the crisis at Okobore and that includes with Tama; at least for the time being. It’s a good thing Luffy encountered Speed along the way, because not only they have a new ride, but a possible new comrade. Like an actual horse, she’s loyal to the one that tamed her and Tama did just that in the last chapter. Useful skill indeed.

Luffy borrows her “dog” and they bid farewell. Also, he’s going to hold on the sword for a little longer, so the idea of curse can still come in play at any time. I can’t say we will get to see him using the sword for once, but you never know with Oda’s intention. The farewell was charming, so I was left feeling good. Kind of sweet how Speed also feel good about the scene. Another good feel moment is the townspeople thanking Luffy for saving them. It seriously feels like the arc just ended. Law is bitter about pirates being kind, which is funny coming from a doctor. Oh well, Luffy did a good thing.

After a part of an arc concluded, the next destination is the gravesite. Kiku continues to pull her acting skills to the test, avoiding the actual reason to go to the site with others. She has been weird throughout the arc so far, considering how her persona shifts back and forth multiple times. She acts like an innocent poor helpless woman, but then she becomes a strong Samurai. What gives? Her mind bubbles does give a hint of her actual intention as well as associating with Kouzoki Clan. Zoro knows she’s hiding something, so it’s only matter of time.

There’s a scene that at first glance, it seems a bit unnecessary, but by the end, it does hold a value in narrative perspective. However, you can still see it as a world building interest and it certainly caught my attention. The kids in school at the Flower Capital are taking history lessons, but every lesson is fouled by corrupted and despicable manner. Take Open Country for example; apparently, it’s considered evil because people outside would like to share ideas within the border. This must be Trump’s dream.

It’s awful how the children are celebrating the ruler Kurozumi Orochi as their savior that slayed the so-called tyrant, evil Samurai, who of course is referring to Kouzoki. It’s rather creepy how the teacher is a snake-like being. It basically means the school system has it lockdown to threaten the children if they were to go against it. This is Attack on Titan all over again. It’s interesting to note that Orochi is a two blade style user, so I can expect really cool display when he battles. It’s also worth noting that Kouzoki Clan were slayed 20 years ago. Hm…

There’s another scene that takes place elsewhere, but this holds value right from the start. Come to think of it, it does continue off from the school session, so by this point, that scene doesn’t seem unnecessary anymore. Anyway, the interest lies on what Kyoshiro said about 20 years ago. It’s not only the time where the “tyrants” were slayed, but it was also the time where Oden’s wife was on her last stand and supposedly, placed a curse upon the Shogun.

The curse supposedly will activate in 20 years, which is today, and Shogun will be taken down by 9 Samurai. They will also open the country to the world outside, which is odd timing since Luffy is slowly making it into reality. If we take that curse into consideration, who will be the 9 Samurai? I assume with Luffy holding the sword for the time being, he’s part of the philosophy. Zoro can count as well, so we are left with others to think over. Of course, you can say it’s the whole Strawhats since there are 9 members, but something tells me that’s not the idea, especially when you consider the ending, which we will get to that very soon.

I should address the elephant in the room. If you have been following me and read my last review, you’ll notice that I made a mistake about the gravesite. I didn’t think about the fact the names on the tombs are the same characters back at Zou. This world is so vast, it somehow flew over my head. Instead of thinking about the chances of ghosts appearing, I should be thinking of why they’re confirmed dead. I am a shame of myself. I will now commit seppuku…

…No. I want to see the series’ end…whenever that may be…

I find it hilarious when Luffy arrives at Oden Castle, he was dumbfounded that the castle is not there. He was told already that it’s in ruins; what part of ruins he did not get. He was easily convinced that the characters he met back at Zou could be dead and their tombs confirmed it. His logic in this arc has been killing me. It’s even funnier when Law doesn’t ease the mood with his ominous words, which gives an impression that they are dead and ghosts will arrive at night. If they were, I wouldn’t look like a fool in my last review then.

Of course, Kin’emon and others are alive. Funny how Luffy accused Law to be a liar, even though he didn’t say anything about them being dead. I will blame him for using incredibly vague words. Kin’emon will arrive at night because he has a diarrhea and he most likely come out of the bathroom at night. What a troll, but I’ll forgive for making me laugh a lot. Oda loves to troll the fans, so there’s no ghosts. Right?

Kiku dashes straight towards Kin’emon; obviously means she has a special attachment with him. Loyalty doesn’t seem the best way to describe it. It does explain why she was so worried about the possibility of Luffy and others are up to no good. Momo is also there, only he has been practicing on wielding a sword. Very interesting; does he count as part of 9 Samurai? I wonder.

If you somehow thought it’s taking too long for Strawhats from Thousand Sunny to be reunited, even though it’s done for narrative purposes to dive in the world building, then good news, everyone. Sanji, Nami, Chopper, Carrot, and Brook have returned. Although I was patient, it does feel damn good to see them together again. We’re only missing Robin, Franky, and Usopp now. As for Law’s crew, they’re missing Bepo. Why? Because he has diarrhea. Is this going to be a diarrhea arc? It won’t be, but perhaps something “beyond.”

Wano Country was looking to be a pretty straightforward arc and that’s perfectly fine. Shogun and Kaido are monsters, Luffy and his crew go there to save the country, and Kouzoki Clan will be redeemed. There’s a shocking revelation to add onto it. Kin’emon, Momo, Kiku, Raizo, and Kanjuro are not from this time; they came from the past. How far back? 20 years ago. I believe I did enough references, so I’ll stop myself. Aside from that, well, that’s something I didn’t expect.

I know One Piece’s world is vast and filled with crazy/whacky possibilities, but time traveling hasn’t occurred until now. It does explain why Kiku speaks with old formal Samurai language. Is that why she was hiding to avoid conflict with the “future?” It also explains how they’re considered “ghosts.” They’re determined dead yet they didn’t live through normal pace; they jumped 20 years later. Was it Oden’s wife that sent them? How they jumped time? This can be tricky, considering time travel subplot can get messy. I’ll trust Oda to get the job done.

This was a pretty interesting chapter with a shocking revelation. Many segments are connected and adding altogether reveal many new information that has increased my interest. There were good feel moments in the beginning as well. The artwork is clean and the outlook of other locales greatly displayed the corruption of the country’s system. The time travel can be done great, so long it is kept minimum or put a lot of thoughts to it. Who knows. Maybe it’s just this moment, and I’ll be fine with that. What future lies ahead for all?

#one piece #chapter 919 #review #spoilers