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#these days I'm becoming everything that I hate
heauxvibez · 15 hours
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Gentle
warning: angst, mentions of depression/anxiety, fluff. Enjoy!
It had been days since Joe lost his match. It meant he could finally be home, taking a break from the WWE's busy schedule. You were thrilled to have him home, just the two of you for a while. Joe was excited too, or so he thought.
He released a huge sigh of relief when he was told prematurely about the outcome of his match with Cody. He loved work but also missed being home with you, and the flexibility to do what he wanted without having to make huge shifts around his work schedule. The guilt that constantly ate at him for missing milestones in your life would finally be put to ease. Your promotion at your job, your birthday, buying your first brand new car with your hard-earned money, all things he missed out on celebrating due to his work.
But as time went by, you noticed a change in him. His energy shifted dramatically. He became quieter, answering with short sentences and avoiding conversations. He barely ate, only managing to do so when taking his medication.
You had to decline many invitations because he wasn't up for crowds; they made him anxious. The bedroom became his refuge, all he wanted to do was lay in bed and rot. It was starting to worry you.
Joe himself didn't understand what was happening. He wanted to shake off this feeling, but it clung to him stubbornly. It was like he'd forgotten his place in life, his roles as your husband, friend, and son. He felt worthless. As the Tribal Chief he knew everything, life was in his control, he was in control. Nothing could phase him when he was his alternative self. His bronze skin was as thick as ever.
But as Joe, he was vulnerable and soft, his hands could barely grasp the concept of life outside of the arena. He believed that he'd let everyone down by missing important moments, especially you. Despite your support and pride in him, he couldn't shake the feeling of being resented. His anxiety whispered that you all hated him, leading him to isolate himself in the room. He thought that by avoiding interaction, he'd be less of a burden.
You were left in the dark, unsure of what was happening with him. You didn't want to jump to conclusions, but you couldn't ignore the signs of either depression or anxiety. It was a delicate situation; you didn't want to say or ask the wrong thing and risk pushing him away. You were at a loss for how to approach him without causing further distress.
"Babe..", you called out as you cracked open the door. Your head peaked in to reveal him bundled under the sheets.
"Hmm?" he hummed back, avoiding looking in your direction.
The room matched his mood—dark and cold. You approached him cautiously, arms crossed before quickly relaxing them, not wanting to convey that you were mad or upset in any way. Squatting beside the bed, you met his gaze. His hair was tousled, covering his face like cobwebs, his eyes red, lips downturned. He looked miserable.
He almost melted at the feel of your fingers feathering through the knots of his tangled beard. He hadn't groomed himself in days, so he looked a mess. But to you he still looked like perfection, just needed a little love. You searched his face, to him it felt like judgment, but for you...you were just looking for any sign of your loving husband.
"You okay?"
That question alone almost unraveled him. His eyes shut tightly, becoming a dam for the flood of tears that threatened to fall from his eyes. He covered his face with his hand when he could no longer contain the wave of emotions. He shook his head, answering your question.
"Oh baby, I'm sorry. I'm sorry", you pleaded. You didn't know what to expect. You thought it would take a while to break through his tough exterior.
Not wanting to overwhelm him, you hadn't moved. You stayed squatted in your position, stroking the side of his face that wasn't covered by his huge hand.
"Talk to me, baby. I can't help if I don't know what's wrong," your voice, soft and gentle, began to ease the tension. It seemed to pull him back from the brink of a panic attack.
"Breathe, just talk," you urged. He took a deep breath, his exhale brushing against your face. His hand fell away from his face, revealing tear-streaked cheeks and watery eyes. You met his gaze, your own eyes welling up with empathy. You fought back your tears, wanting him to feel safe expressing himself.
Joe tried to speak but faltered, closing his lips and shaking his head. He was at a loss for words, unsure of how to begin.
You let out a gentle sigh as you brushed his greasy hair away from his face. He hadn't bothered to wash it in days, neglecting self-care. As your fingers ran through his strands, an idea dawned on you. With a small smile, you met his sad eyes.
"It's been a while since you washed your hair, huh?" you remarked.
He nodded, still focused on you.
"How about we have a little wash day? I just got some new hair care stuff," you suggested.
There was a moment of silence as he considered it. He didn't want to leave the safety of the room, but he was also bothered by his oily, limp hair.
"Yeah, that sounds nice," he replied softly.
"Yeah? Let's go," you said, standing up and offering your hand. He slowly rose from the bed, taking your hand and letting you lead him to the kitchen.
Since childhood, your family had always washed hair in the kitchen sink. Moms, aunts, and cousins would have you lay flat on the counter, and it was always your favorite part of hair care, like a special ritual.
Your hair care routine had evolved. With the right products and tools, you felt like a pro, especially during tasks like washing your hair. Now, wash days were more enjoyable, and you loved washing your husband's hair too. It was a favorite bonding activity.
"Okay, lay down on the counter," you instructed.
One perk was your spacious kitchen, allowing you to recreate the wash days you cherished from childhood. He hopped onto the counter, and a bit of excitement gleamed through his eyes. It had been a while since you shared an intimate moment like this. With his travels and recent struggles, there had been little room for such simple things.
You stepped away briefly to fetch your hair care items. Your favorite line was created by Taraji P. Henson, who understood the needs of tight coils like yours. Today, you opted for the Honey Fresh clarifying shampoo to remove oils from his locs and the Make It Rain conditioner for moisture.
Returning to the kitchen, you laid out the items on the sink: shampoo, conditioner, Denman brush, wide-tooth comb, and a shower cap—everything needed to care for his hair.
You couldn't help but watch as he lay with his eyes closed, fingers intertwined on his belly. Though he didn't show it, he was eager for this wash day, just like you.
Turning on the sink, you tested the water temperature with your fingers, ensuring it was just right for his scalp.
"Okay, let me know if it's too hot or cold." you instructed. With his eyes still closed he nodded.
The water hit his scalp and you watched as his brows furrowed then relaxed.
"Is that okay?", he nodded once again,
"That's perfect."
The warm water felt like a soothing touch on his scalp, the best sensation he'd felt in days.
"Good," you smiled, running your fingers through his hair. It took a moment for the water to penetrate his hair, the oils causing it to bead off into the sink. The touch of your nails on the back of his neck sent shivers down his spine as you worked the water through his hair.
"Alright," you murmured to yourself as his hair drank in the flowing water. With a twist, you shut off the tap, the room now silent. You placed the detachable head back in its place, and your fingers found the shampoo bottle, releasing a dollop into your hand. With a soft sigh, you worked the dollop into a nice lather with your palms.
You started at his hairline, the pads of your fingers tenderly grazing his scalp. Purposefully avoiding using your acrylic nails, your touch was feather-light. You wanted to cocoon him in bliss and make sure that he was as relaxed as possible.
Your fingers trailed to the hair behind his ears, a familiar path that never failed to make him weak. His ears, his sweet spot, where the slightest touch made his toes curl. Each time your wrist brushed against his ear, he moaned softly, bringing a slight blush to your cheeks.
"Feel good?" the soft words left your lips.
"Feels great." he confessed with a contented sigh.
His response brought warmth to your heart as you continued your movements, moving towards the center of his scalp where he was often tender-headed. With gentle strokes, you massaged the area, mindful of his comfort. In this moment, you found joy in this simple act of caring for your husband.
Though you wanted to get into deeper conversations about his well-being, you hesitated, not wanting to disrupt the peace of the moment. Instead, you chose to stay silent, allowing your gentle touch to speak volumes. But Joe had other ideas.
"I'm sorry," he mumbled
"Don't be, you haven't done anything wrong," you assured. Although you knew what he meant. He felt remorseful for acting distant and pushing everyone away, but you knew it wasn't his fault. He was grappling with emotions beyond his control, and you gave him space to work through them.
"But I have, I haven't been the best husband lately. Well really in the past few years if we're going to be honest."
"Joe-"
"No, listen.." his eyes were flooding with tears again.
"I have not been the best husband in years. I thought with this time off I'd be able to make up for lost time but the more I sit with myself, I'm wondering am I capable of being a good husband? I don't even know who I am outside of Roman Reigns."
Tears were now flowing freely down the side of his eyes and into his hair. For the past 4 years, he had been an alternative version of himself. He completely immersed himself into a character and with the time he had to actually sit with himself, he realized he wasn't really sure who Joe was.
Tears were now rolling down your face. It hurt to see him doubt himself like this. You knew who he was—Joe and Roman were completely different. It was hard to believe he couldn't see it; he was struggling with imposter syndrome.
You wiped your tears away with your wrist, trying to steady yourself. You needed him to know that you didn't share his negative feelings about himself.
"Well, your feelings are valid, baby, and I never want you to feel otherwise. But just because they're valid doesn't mean they're right."
You rinsed the shampoo out of his hair with the detachable head of the sink.
"You might not see the difference between Roman and Joe, but I do. I'm not in love with Roman; I'm in love with Joe. I didn't marry Roman; I married Joe. Roman is manipulative, selfish, cold-hearted—wicked, even," you chuckled softly. Joe wiped away his tears, mirroring your laughter.
You began to wring the excess water from his hair. It was finally clean. Now, you just needed to condition and detangle.
You reached for the condition and squeezed a quarter-sized amount into your hand. Then you gently spread it through his clean hair.
"But Joe.. Joe is sweet, he's vulnerable, and he would give the shirt off of his back to anyone in need. We all love Joe and we understand that just because you're away it doesn't mean you're neglectful, you're doing what you have to do to support your family. Joe is a husband, he's a son, he's a family man, he's a sweetheart, he's you."
Using the Denman brush, you carefully distributed the conditioner and untangled his hair, avoiding any painful pulls.
"You are not Roman, you are Joe. Do you understand?", you asked, pausing to catch his gaze. He kept staring ahead.
"Look at me," you said softly, but firmly. His eyes met yours, resembling those of a puppy.
"Do you understand?"
His lips curved into a soft smile and he nodded.
"Yes, I understand, baby," he affirmed. Leaning in, you tenderly brushed your lips against his forehead, savoring the warmth of his skin beneath yours. Then, with a gentle passion, you pressed your lips to his, sparking a feeling that had been dormant for too long.
As you pulled away, you couldn't help but shower him with one last sweet kiss on the tip of his nose before getting back to his hair.
"I know it's going to take time for you to adjust, and I understand it won't be easy. But I want you to know, I'll be here every step of the way. I promise," your voice was filled with unwavering support.
Carefully, you lifted his head to secure the shower cap, ensuring his hair received the deep conditioning treatment it deserved for the next 10 minutes.
"Thank you, for everything...I love you," he whispered, his words carrying deep gratitude and love.
"I love you too, handsome," you said, your heart brimming with excitement as you anticipated having your husband return to his true self.
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Hope yall enjoyed!
Tags: @harmshake @southerngirl41 @spritelucozade @empressdede @alichesmi @msbigredmachine @blacst4r @sassginamillls @wrestlingprincess80 @saintmagx @theninthwonder
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sunkissed-zegras · 8 hours
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manager literally having to handle every single thing and js bein emotionally exhausted, one day she’s just completely overstimulated from everything and walks out to let herself cry
i love angst sorry🤘
𝐎𝐔𝐑 𝐆𝐈𝐑𝐋 ─ UCONN WBB MANAGER
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౨ৎ ─ summary | after a shitty week, manager breaks down over a stupid test score and her teammate helps her through it.
─ word count | 919
─ warnings | NIKA AND MANAGER BONDING TIME YIPEE! angsty af, hurt to comfort, manager putting too much pressure on herself, midterms (BLEHHH), pretty sure nothin else?
─ taglist | @xocherishxo @iienstein @yazmunson @euphternal @uraesthete @hello-nah817 @wanderlusturous and here's a link to my taglist if anyone would like to join!!
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YOUR ENTIRE WEEK had been shit, to put it simply.
Scratch that, your entire month had been pretty shitty. Your midterms had gone terrible, your headaches have been becoming way more painful and more frequent and on top of all of that, you bled through your pants. Twice.
With play-off season arriving in about couple weeks, practices had been running later and later. You spent the entire practice usually on the phone, trying to figure out routes to away games, trying to coordinate transportation for the team, and dealing with the last-minute changes and complications that seemed to plague every plan you made.
As the playoff season even nearer, the pressure mounted to new heights. Every decision felt like it carried the weight of the world, and the fear of letting down your team gnawed at your insides.
Geno had told you that you could leave early if you absolutely needed to, but you hated feeling useless. You wanted to be able to do your job without letting your own personal issues get in the way but right now, it felt like you were way in over your head. Despite Geno's offer to leave early, the guilt gnawed at you, whispering that you were failing in your duties as a manager.
As today's practice wore on, your headache intensified, pulsing behind your eyes with an intensity that threatened to consume you. You clenched your jaw against the pain, willing yourself to push through, but with each passing moment, it felt like the weight on your shoulders grew heavier.
Your phone buzzed against your thigh and you picked it up, reading the notification. Your heart had dropped to your stomach as you read the email ─ you had failed your Geo midterm.
You threw your phone against the hardwood floors, feeling your eyesight become blurry. That was cherry on top, that was the final straw. Tears stung at the corners of your eyes as you struggled to regain control of your emotions. You got up from the bench, picking up your phone as you sniffled.
"Whoa, Y/N? Are you good?" You turned to meet Nika's eyes as yours widened in shock. You immediately wiped your tears as you averted your gaze.
Nika was thankfully the only person on the court right now, everyone else was in the locker-room getting ready for practice. Nika finished up early, like she usually did.
You sniffled again. "Yeah, I'm fine."
"You're not, tell me what's bothering you. Who was it? Was it Paige or Geno, because I swear-"
"No, no." You sighed loudly as Nika's expression softened. "Just allergies. I need to go get something from my dorm, I won't be long."
Nika scoffed as she watched you walk away, her eyes narrowing with concern despite your attempt to brush off the situation.
"Allergies, my ass," she muttered under her breath, though she knew better than to push you further when you were clearly not ready to talk.
You went to your dorm and cried your eyes out, that was the only thing you felt like you could do. You almost debated whether or not you should go back to practice until you remembered that you left all your stuff there.
As you got up to the door, you heard a knock on your door. Your furrowed your eyebrows in confusion as you opened the door, revealing Nika. She held your bag in one hand and hers in the other, a warm smile on her lips.
You opened the door wider so that she could come in. Without a word, she set down both her bag and yours as you closed the door behind her.
"Practice ended early so you didn't miss anything," Nika spoke as she gave you a smile. She sat down on your bed as she gestured for you to come and sit.
"Thanks for bringing my bag," you murmured, your voice barely above a whisper as you struggled to find the right words to express the depth of your gratitude.
Nika waved off your thanks with a casual shrug, her gaze reassuring. "No problem. I figured you could use a break from everything."
Then, with a small sigh, Nika reached out and took your hand in hers, her touch a comforting. "One test doesn't define your entire career, Y/N. I promise you, it will not matter after you graduate. It probably won't even matter in a month, or maybe even a week."
Your eyebrows furrowed in confusion, Nika had completely read you like a damn book. "How did you know?"
Nika just scoffed, "You think we don't listen when you ramble on about your tests and shit? We do, and trust me we know you better than you think."
A soft chuckle escaped your lips at her blunt honesty, the tension that had coiled tight in your chest slowly starting to unravel. It was true ─ Nika and the rest of the team had always been there to listen, even when you thought no one was paying attention.
"Look, Y/N." Nika kept her gaze on you, her expression serious. "We love you and we need you, but don't ever put us over your mental health. We need you all in one piece if you're gonna take care of us, right?"
"So, for us. Take the weekend off and come back on Monday, alright?" Before you could protest, Nika sent you a stern look and you sighed loudly. Nika's expression dissipated into a warmer one as she smiled, "That's our girl."
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↳ make sure to check out my navigation or masterlist if you enjoyed! any interaction is greatly appreciated !
↳ thank you for reading all the way through, as always ♡
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Hey can I ask you a request?
Basically, I love Anne Sallow x Ominis a lot and I wanted to ask you about the reactions of the various characters who discover the feelings that each other has and maybe get together 💚💗💚💗💚💗
Ps. English is not my language
A/N: I think I understand what you're asking for, but for simplicity's sake, I'm going to give them feelings for MC
HLC REACT TO REALIZING THEY HAVE A CRUSH ON MC
SEBASTIAN SALLOW: The realization hits him like a train. After everything he had dealt with during fifth year, who was still standing with him? Who put up with his shit? Who risked everything for his sister despite barely knowing her? MC. They had become his closest friend, even closer than Ominis, but only now is he seeing them in a different light. The next time their eyes meet, they know.
OMINIS GAUNT: MC had been his peace in the chaos. The rock he could cling to in the storm. He had found comfort in them, but on realizing how deep his feelings were going, he was scared. Surely these feelings would scare them away. He had to be careful going forward.
ANNE SALLOW: She never thought she was the type of girl to fall for a knight in shining armor, but MC literally saved her life. The way they treated her, the way they bent over backwards for her, there had to be more to their feelings than they said. She didn't fall first, but she fell harder.
IMELDA REYES: Panic. No. Nonononono! They are not part of her plan! She is going to graduate school and play professional quidditch with the Holyhead Harpies. She doesn't have time or patience to deal with a relationship. She bottles up her feelings as quickly as she catches them.
NATSAI ONAI: MC has made her feel soft and warm inside since the first day in charms class. Their smile alone could make her feel like kicking her feet like an excited school girl. She doesn't jump to any conclusions, but she does try to ease the idea of a relationship beyond friendship between her and MC as they get to know each other. An innocent butterbeer date wouldn't hurt, would it?
GARRETH WEASLEY: He's kind of oblivious. He knows he likes being around them and he likes getting them involved with his schemes, but he doesn't seem to realize how close he likes to stand next to them in potions class. Or how he takes a little too much joy into making them laugh. MC will probably have to make the first move to make him realize it, then he's just dumbfounded.
LEANDER PREWETT: If MC found him charmingly awkward before, it increases when he realizes he has a crush. He tries a bit too hard to get their attention by opening doors for them and constantly asks where they're going after class. A lot of the times he ends up tripping over something or dropping whatever he's holding. He doesn't mind so much that they're laughing, but he's afraid they'll never take him seriously.
AMIT THAKKAR: He fusses more about how well they're doing in class and if there's anything he can do to help. He figures that maybe he could spend more time with them if they agree to let him tutor them. Especially in astrology. Having MC all to himself in the evening under the stars and a telescope? He can't think of anything better. He has to be careful with his daydreaming, he'll mess up his notes.
EVERETT CLOPTON: He's...not okay. He hates himself for catching feelings. There's no way in any realm of reality that MC would want him. He doesn't even have to go out of his way to avoid MC, they just aren't around him much after flying class. He doesn't think they've ever even gone out of their way to talk to him (Unless they're Ravenclaw). He'll admire from a distance and wait it out.
POPPY SWEETING: She really wishes her face wouldn't be so red around MC. We're going to start asking if she's not feeling well. She tries to play coy, but she's so obvious that it hurts. MC would have to be as thick as a rock to miss the signs. She constantly wants to be around them, always grabs their hand when she wants to show them something, practically stares while they're interacting with beasts, etc. Just don't point it out, she'll get embarrassed.
✨BONUS CHARACTERS✨
ANDREW LARSON: He feels lighter than air when MC enters a room. He knows he's done for. He knows he doesn't stand a chance. He knows they don't even know they exist, but he indulges in their presence while he can. He's not even concerned with wiping the silly grin off his face, it's not like they'll look his way.
LENORA EVERLEIGH: Shy. So very shy. After MC helped her with the mirror puzzle, she got firsthand experience of how nice they could be. From that point onward, when they were around, she'd be too flustered to talk to them again first. She can barely handle being next to them in herbology. She really wishes Professor Garlick would stop asking if she has a fever.
NELLIE OGGSPIRE: She pursues MC like they're a mountain she's dying to climb. She makes her feelings known up front and plain. She'll shrug it off if she's rejected. She already doesn't have them, so what's the difference? If they accept, excellent! They can go on adventures together!
CRESSIDA BLUME: MC was so willing to help her before, perhaps they'll do it again? She intentionally botches up some of her charm work to give her an excuse to have MC's attention. She's put her diary on lockdown, however, the things she writes in there nowadays she doesn't want MC to ever read.
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HI!!! Can i request venture with a girlfriend who becomes overly emotional during her period? Reader who becomes very clingy and easily brought to tears. need the comfort rn 😭 thank you!! <3
YES!! RAHHH!! I'm also on my period rn ughh I hate it-
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Venture with a sensitive!SO on their period<3
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Warnings : none! Just fluff<3
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• If your upset, Ventures upset, you don't deserve to go through it alone! They will comply to your needs! Chocolate? Check! Cuddling? Check! Anything you want? CHECKKK11!11!1!1
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"Venture!... Cuddles.. please!.." venture runs towards your side, letting you cuddle with them,they press kisses to your neck, making sure your comfy before putting on a movie.
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• Venture doesn't like when you cry, so they will do everything in their power to make you stop crying when it comes to your period, if they ever make you cry they will feel very bad and try to comfort you.
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"venture?.. can you come cuddle please?..." You ask your partner, putting out your hands for venture to come cuddle you. "Uh- in a minute dear, Im looking at this rock!" You start tearing up, and as soon as you do ventures right by your side cuddling and kissing you.
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• would never yell at you, to scared to hurt your feelings, also they don't like yelling themselves, it just hurts their brain. So if they're frustrated they'll come to you and cuddle. (Probably would never get frustrated from you, but will get frustrated from their partners in work being stupid)
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'ugh..." venture complains, dropping in your arms and cuddling they're head further in your chest.
They had a rough day and deserve to go cuddle with their partner. <3
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• will always be by your side even if you don't want them to, they'll slip you notes under your door when angry and never poke at you for answers, unless you give them permission- they love and care and support you, and would never try to make you angry on purpose.
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"mmm.. I love you..." Venture cuddles closer to you, kissing your stomach trying to calm your cramps. They let you play with their hair and clothes while you watch your favorite show/YouTuber. Falling asleep in your arms as they close their eyes. "I love you too..."
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I HAD FUN MAKING THIS!! RAHHH!! request more PLSS!
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alitherandom · 1 day
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Bad Batch is almost over so I'm going to ramble. If anyone can relate, please reply or reblog. Share what this show has meant to you, share your thoughts, share theories, tag people. Let's give it a send off.
Star Wars has been a massive part of my life for years.
I loved everything about the Clone Wars, the world building, the character development for the jedi, but most of all the clones. As someone who finds it hard to read faces, it was fun getting to know each of the clones as individuals with their own personalities and I actually never had any issues telling them apart. It hits hard, I think that's what makes their stories even more tragic.
Echo and Fives are my favourite Star Wars characters so I was really happy when Echo came back in Clone Wars season 7. That was why I decided to watch the Bad Batch- it then became my favourite series.
I'm not entirely sure what I'm going to do when this show ends. I think the hardest part is not knowing what the galaxy has in store for the batch and where it could go from here. Whatever happens I’ll always be grateful for the experiences I've had as part of this community over the last few years.
I think that's what's great about being part of a fandom. Seeing all the different ideas and projects that get put out there every day as well as knowing everyone else is in just as much suspense as I am. I haven't interacted on here that much until the last few months, but I check the tags a lot and all the fanart has been immaculate. The writers and artists are crazy talented and work so hard, I admire the level of dedication and aspire to be like that. 😂
I'm also really grateful for the three seasons we got with Clone Force 99.
Seeing Echo go from a shiny in the Clone Wars to becoming who he is now. (I could talk about that for ages, but I'll save that for another post.)
Seeing Crosshair regain his trust in the batch and get to change.
Seeing Hunter step up for his brothers and Omega.
Seeing more sides to Wrecker's strength.
Seeing Omega go from that kid who'd never seen dirt before to learning from her brothers and proving how brave she is.
And lastly, seeing Tech make the choice he did back in season 2. It wasn't easy to watch, because he deserved more time and there was definitely a massive hole in season 3 without him.
I'm not ready to say goodbye to any of them.
My favourite episodes in season 1 were the last few, when Kamino fell. It was the end of an era as well as a new beginning.
My favourite episode in season 2 was episode 8. I was really proud of Echo, plus he got a hug from Omega which I have admittedly rewatched far too many times.
My favourite episodes in season 3 were episodes 13 and 14. The stakes have been so high and it's been great seeing Echo's ARC skills in action again. (Plus the dialogue with Rampart was top tier. Hate that guy, but it was hilarious.)
I'm well aware of all the theories for the finale. I'm choosing to ignore most of them, but I’d like to present my own.
I hope Echo gets to finish what Fives started and the clones can finally be free, including Tech if he's CX2. I hope the batch gets to burn Tantiss to the ground and fly off into the sunset with Omega and the kids from the vault, and then I hope they continue a lifetime of bullying Rampart. I also hope Emerie gets to whack Hemlock with a steel chair, and then the Zillo beast can eat him.
…After all, Star Wars is based on hope, right?
If anyone actually ended up reading this to the end you're a real one- have a great final Bad Batch eve, and may the force be with you.
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gotyouanyway · 2 days
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time lord ocs info post
ok this is a LOT of info and doesn't even cover it entirely but here's the main details about my little trio of time lord ocs :)
some of the canon details might be a little off - i haven't listened to all of gallifrey: time war yet and i'm pretty sure i nudged some facts around to make everything fit but don't worry about it <3
names:
caldinsedravin (caldin) 3rd regeneration (f, m, m) - ex cia agent - prydonian
hollustallamanta (hollus) 1st regeneration (f) - ex guardsman - prydonian
kilicoversonterast (kilic, kilico to friends and family) 2nd regeneration (m, ?) - genetic engineer - arcalian
story:
academy
- become best friends through constantly being put in weird situations together
- eventually they become known for being an inseparable trio, nicknamed gallifreyan equivalent of “XYZ” as a group like cartesian coordinates. caldin is x, hollus is y, kilic is z. they hate it but privately consider themselves lucky it wasn’t something more mean
- graduated a few years before the civil war
pre/early time war
- caldin went into the cia, hollus into the chancellery guard, kilic became a teacher at the academy
- hollus and caldin got together romantically toward the end of their academy days, slowly get more serious over the years after they graduate
- they all have individual adventures for a bit (caldin regenerates) but all stay friends
- time war starts
- kilic is drafted into project revenant, gets obsessed with it and starts experimenting on himself
- when the chancellery guard is dissolved, hollus wants to run rather than be forced into the idu
- eventually she convinces caldin to go with her
- caldin wants to bring kilic with them, so they go to get him but he’s not having it at all
- they fight badly. caldin pulls a staser and goes to shoot kilic. at the same time, kilic grabs the staser and caldin’s arm, causing the blast to go through them both and intensify/kick back. they’re both badly hurt and regenerate
- kilic regenerates into the same body because of their experimentation, but it's messed up
house era
- hollus takes caldin and runs. they can’t get any kind of off-planet transport so they just flee the capitol
- they go through it for a while. they aren’t important enough to be hunted down, but if they ran into conscription officers or anything they’d be taken back in and punished
- eventually they find a House (unnamed rn) that looks abandoned and they take shelter there. the house is a little senile
- they find 2 children/loomlings/whatever you want to call them. all the adults were conscripted, the older children were taken away, but these two hid (sidan and linara. they’re a whole other story, lots going on there)
- eventually more kids join them from other houses/from the house’s loom. hollus and caldin are kind of stuck taking care of them and it’s dangerous and insane. see my post about broken looms for a little more detail but they need their own post tbh
- kilico stays in the capitol working for rassilon and the war council. the others are always trying to convince them to come join them and they won’t do it. but they can’t just leave them out there to suffer either, so they help with supplies and evading conscription etc. at great personal risk and not always unselfishly. they want hollus and caldin to come back to the capitol where they can keep them safe. they want them to stop being childish and running away. they want them to be back together and happy again. etc.
characters:
caldin
core traits across regenerations: hot headed, deeply emotional, self interested/internally focused (as in, only cares about themselves and loved ones, doesn’t pay much attention to society in general)
caldin 1 (academy & cia)
-bright, sarcastic, playful
-overly ambitious, competitive, arrogant
-loyal to her friends but doesn’t always treat them super great
-recruited by the cia more for her disposition and potential than her skill or intelligence, but did really well in training
-regenerates on her first field mission when an enemy operative attacks her
caldin 2 (pre/early time war - cia)
-serious, compassionate, tense
-still ambitious, but less tolerant of navigating fair competition and existing power structures. makes him frustrated and eventually, unwilling to even play the game once the time war messes everything up
-barks at authority but doesn’t bite
-terrified of regeneration
-regenerates due to staser feedback when shooting kilic
caldin 3 (house era)
-funny (both intentionally and not), cautious, old soul
-no filter, no patience for small annoyances, but more mature and rational than he’s ever been where it really matters
-tired, hurt, scared, but keeping it together and trying to make the best of things
-just wants his loved ones with him and for the fighting to stop and the kids to live (against all odds, he’s pretty good with the kids. not great, but pretty good)
-almost won’t even look at kilic. fight on sight. but needs the help they’re giving and misses them so bad
-extremely grouchy about the house but protects it like a housekeeper
-the struggler
hollus
core traits: analytical, bloodthirsty, insecure in herself as an individual (needs a group to thrive)
(academy)
-meticulous, straightforward, level headed
-really into weapons and weapon maintenance as well as the technical aspects of combat
-bit autistic in general
-not a peacekeeper but gives the impression of being at the eye of the caldin/kilico storm
-challenges authority but in a respectful bargaining way that gets her what she wants
(pre/early time war - chancellery guard)
-the guard becomes her life and she loves it
-quickly promoted to commander
-really discovers her love of combat here and feels good having healthy safe outlets for it (not something she actively recognizes about herself but true)
-everyone’s favourite trainer because she’s honest about extreme violence and knows everything about stasers. plus she’s pretty. the new recruits all fall in love with her
-most of her squadron sided with romana during the civil war they were like blood bonded brothers and all that. except for the ones she lost (either to picking sides or to the virus or to death or whatever) which hurt so bad she never even processed it oops
-loyal to the guard (her friends) over gallifrey so when the guard is disbanded she splits immediately
(house era)
-still the same but colder. getting emotionally closed off. lonely without her comrades
-finds herself wanting to either cling to caldin or push him away depending on the day, but he’s sort of immune to it (doesn’t take it personally, doesn’t overreact to her moods)
-feels guilty about how much she still secretly enjoys combat even though it’s real and dangerous now (same as she felt during the civil war but so much worse because of how many innocents are involved now, + it's worse without the buffer of a dozen other bloodthirsty guardsmen surrounding her at all times)
-struggling to develop some kind of maternal instinct toward the kids but it’s not going great. would still do anything for them but it’s all very weird for her
-also grouchy about the house. would throttle it if she could find out which part was the neck
kilic/kilico
core traits: obsessive, curious, “i can fix everything if i try hard enough”
kilic 1 (academy)
-flippant, brainy, head in the clouds
-cares about studies and about his eventual place in time lord society way more than the others (stuffy old professor in the making, but not yet yknow)
-obsessed with the biology of regeneration. weird about it. gets the group to play eighth man bound
-stumbles into opportunities rather than having any idea of how to navigate time lord society, but it works
-often feels like he and hollus are babysitting caldin. hollus would say she’s not babysitting anyone she’s just watching the show
-a little jealous of his friends, he thinks they’re cooler than him, but doesn’t actually want to be like them. just wants to also be cool (they are all equally cool/uncool in reality he’s just got self esteem issues)
-constantly fighting with caldin but when they’re not fighting they’re inseparable
(pre/early time war)
-genetic engineer specializing in regeneration
-professor at the academy, not really through choice but because that’s the best way to get research grants and assistants
-doesn’t care that much about his students or their education, but does have a soft spot for the much younger ones and the ones who get all excited about regeneration biology like he does
-has sort of a cult following of students who are obsessed with him in a ‘this guy is so insane it’s funny let’s study him’ way but he doesn’t know about it and never finds out
-occasionally gets caught up in petty prof drama and has a good time with it (caldin’s influence)
-when the war starts and the academy is shut down, he’s drafted into project revenant and gets freakishly obsessed with it
-he’s scared of the war and thinks this will keep everyone he loves alive and safe
-personally supervises resurrections and is working on augmenting regeneration
-starts going wild with experiments and does them on himself when willing volunteers run out (he’d never get unethical enough to experiment on anyone against their will, at least)
-regenerates when shot by caldin, but into the same body because of self experimentation
kilic 2 (house era)
-regeneration induced identity issues. same body, same mind, but still regenerated. entire personality shifted to the left, intensified, came back wrong. gave them gender issues too (many such cases)
-still working on proj. rev. after the dalek attack but everything is going crazy everything is broken the vibes are twisted now that the project has moved and half the people on it are dead or resurrected
-questioning loyalty due to everything falling apart and the identity issues
-really trying to have everything both ways. keeps helping caldin and hollus evade capture on purpose, wants to go with them, wants them to come back, wants them captured, wants them safe and happy in their new home
-increasingly wants to run away and go live with them but can’t let go of the project. despite everything they still think revenant is the only way they’re all going to survive the war
-even if they did decide to flee, they don’t think hollus and caldin would take them in and they’re probably right
notes:
i forgot there was a hollis in gallifrey s4 when i made my hollus so we're just ignoring that. that guy wasn't anything anyway
idk what's meant to have become of proj. rev. after the dalek invasion but based on narvin saying they might resurrect his dad later on, i'm assuming they sort of tried to keep it going. idk.
they do have other friends and relationships besides each other. but you know how it is.
i didn't reference it much in the post for clarity but they used their academy nicknames a lot in the academy and occasionally after to tease each other. they also use them when delivering coded messages between the house and the capitol. they are xyz :)
made picrews of them <3
caldin 1, 2, 3
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hollus
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kilic
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cocrante · 4 months
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There's this beautiful, very sad song that every time I listen to it, it makes me think about tomokazu. I had also written something about it in my ff book, but then I set it aside. Every time I hear this song, it makes me want to start writing it again
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lunarharp · 11 months
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into the deep end - 30k T orufrey fic, focusing on memory trauma, disability, and romance.
the sweet oblivion of the victim, the poisoned freedom of the other.
for one moment - it had felt like two parts returned - the needed reunion of two disparate halves. no more secrets, no more pain.
the moment you get to give back what you never wanted to take. that moment, under the night-blooming flowers, when they had both let out the same single broken sigh of relief.
but they were never whole to begin with, were they?
qifrey swore he wouldn't say 'sorry' to this man any more if he could help it - sorry is cheap now. he didn't want to be in a position ever again where you only have 'sorry' left. so he just looks down into the threads of his blanket, strains his eye until it hurts, feeling his insides - his throat, heart and head - burn with pain. he expects more, but olly says nothing.
olly says nothing.
#witch hat tag#orufrey#sorry i wanted to make a new post for my fic since the first illustration is new.#*stands in the middle of a desolate field in the pouring rain* Please Read My Tale...Blease..Oh god please..*collapses to the ground*#someone asked if there's spoilers in it. Um...yes. Sorry...it's about everything#maybe i should describe it more? it's about qifrey becoming more and more disabled - as i feel is his canon trajectory#and both of them processing the choices that have been made. it was necessary for me to explore this in order to fully understand orufrey#and for them to have the cathartic conclusion-that's why this is important to me for my witch hat fanwork making life. this connects it all#and having dived into qifrey's mind and lived through oru's feelings i was able to get to a place that is possible for them.#the hit/kudos ratio is so pathetic idek what happened. ppl opening it realising its long and saving it for later or just bailing lmfao#idek any more i hate advertising my writing i hate trying to get more ppl to read my long fics it's so hard 🥲#i'm so much prouder of this than my art...i was able to sink deeply into the orufrey feelings i had always wanted to fully explore#so. it's there lol.........i reread the date/kiss segment today after trying to forget about it thinking maybe the fic is just BAD lol#and like.....nope! i like it very much and this is what i was trying to get across. and it's always there to be read by anyone who wants to#and i will always remember the bliss i felt while writing when i was just lost in their world and living as them. dear GOD i love them.#i'm grateful to myself that i put in the work and love to make this so that i can always come back to it. i wanna illustrate scenes properly#but i'm never satisfied with drawing things i've written because i just can't capture the vivid experience in my mind. maybe one day.
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lloydfrontera · 10 months
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if i think too long about the ending making lloyd leave the home he worked so hard to save behind along with the new found family he sacrificed his life for so he can move to a place he has no emotional connection to where he only knows two people (one of which is actually following him from the aforementioned home) in order to make him get a standard "have a wife and children" 'happy' ending i start wanting to bite people not gonna lie
#i talk a lot <3#the greatest estate developer#lloyd frontera#it is. such a sucky ending i hate it i'm sorry i cannot stand it#i love charlotte with all my heart and i truly do like alicia#but jesus fuck that ending#the one thing lloyd wants is to have an easy relaxed life surrounded by the people he loves#and then the ending has him become the royal consort to someone we know likes to use people to their best potential#and living permanently away from his parents and all the people he came to care about#except for javier and alicia. and javier is only there because of lloyd anyway.#i just. i hate heteronormative endings so much man.#he didn't need to marry! he could've found his happy ending without having to be romantically involved with anyone!!#there's this whole thing about lloyd thinking to himself that his happy ending will be settling down with a wife and have kids#and then there is this one moment. where he talks about what he really wants. his one true wish.#and he talks about how he just wants a family. a normal family. a family that welcomes him after a day's work. a family that lives a normal#life without worrying about nothing much. he doesn't want big territories or power or an army. he just wants to have a family that loves hi#and enough to keep them safe.#AND FUCKING GUESS WHAT HE GAINS THROUGHOUT THE ENTIRE NOVEL#GUESS WHAT THE EMOTIONAL CORE OF THE ENTIRE THING WAS#A FAMILY. PARENTS AND A BROTHER AND A BEST FRIEND THAT CARE FOR HIM AND WANT HIM TO BE HAPPY AND HIM DOING EVERYTHING IN HIS POWER TO KEEP#THEM SAFE. AND HE DOES. EVERYTHING HE DOES WAS TOO KEEP THEM SAFE AND SOUND AND HE GETS HIS WISH.#DO YOU GET IT. DO YOU GET WHAT I MEAN!!#HE DIDN'T NEED TO MARRY BECAUSE HE ALREADY HAD HIS WISH. HE ALREADY HAD HIS HAPPY ENDING. I'M SO MAD KASHDKA#tged
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mel-loly · 4 months
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-“Oh, school has to be something serious, especially this year/something like that!”
The things I did when I was at school (especially in computer class):
TW: cigarette
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I have a lot of memories, and this is certainly one of the most important/best/funniest in my life. I'm really going to miss everything... and I'm already crying lol..
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countess-of-edessa · 12 days
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the world is so fucked up and i can't help but think the damage is irreparable when i see people talking about how unusual and prudish it is to wait six to ten dates before having sex with someone. ten dates??? roughly like twenty five hours of interaction????? ten old timer burgers and mango iced teas from chilis equals sex?????? the possibility of pregnancy, STDs, emotional devastation, lifelong consequences, not to mention just straight up the possibility of getting murdered, with a STRANGER you have hung out with for maybe like two months???? and that's a LONG TIME???? and if you feel weird about that and don't want to do that that makes you NOT HETEROSEXUAL????? THATS AN ORIENTATION???? BECAUSE ITS SO OUTSIDE OF THE NORM OF HUMAN BEHAVIOR ????? i hate all of you i hate you i hate you i hate you every day i hate and I hate and I hate you
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jankwritten · 2 months
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yall wanna know how fucked up my anxiety is about some shit
i scroll past a post that's about a topic i don't like. whatever, it's fine. i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't care about. that's normal.
i scroll past a video that's a topic i don't like or care about but the person presenting it is a person of color? i IMMEDIATELY feel immensely guilty and need to "compensate" by "proving" it wasn't because of race by also skipping other random posts, JUST IN CASE someone thinks I'm racist because I didn't want to watch a video on a topic I didn't like or care about, that happened to be presented by a person of color.
this just in on: the police in my brain are loud and i'm scared of them
#this is also because i grew up in a racist area and in that culture and my own ignorance i also Was Kinda Racist#but like in that way where you don't realize it's racism until you're out of it and now feel so ashamed that you forcefully block all#those memories just so you don't ever have to associate yourself with them ever again?#(mind you I was like. 15-16 and closeted and scared scared scared all the time so I acted like the Crowd and that was awful of me to do)#BUT NOW that i've grown and am learning and have taken classes on anthropology and all kinds of stuff I just feel like I notice my own shit#like TENFOLD now#it's my anxiety overthinking thing plus if anybody ever knows I could have done anything SLIGHTLY problematic the world will explode#plus my constant paranoia that someone is always watching me and just Knows that I'm Secretly a Bad Person (even though I don't think I am?#also I feel like I need to clarify that the kind of racism in my town wasn't like. klan shit. it was like very hidden racism?#it was like. kids casually doing black accents and making jokes with racist undertones. the kind of racism where race was always#the butt of the joke instead of an outright HATED thing. and I think that's why it was so hard to unlearn#it's like that thing where in order to stop wanting to kill yourself you have to stop joking about wanting to kill yourself#this has become a vent post accidentally i'm so sorry#this is just. one of my Major anxieties that engulfs me every day because of 1) anxiety 2) potential OCD 3) being a bad person in my past#this is another reason I fucking hate florida#because I just know if I had grown up in my home town in MI I would not have been raised in that environment#and it's my own fucking fault for falling into the crowd like that.#all this to say i traumatized myself and likely some people around me by being A Fucking Idiot when I was a kid#and now adult me is doing everything in their power to not ever be that person ever fucking again#tw vent post#tw racism#tw past racism#but im better now and I know my mistakes and I refuse to make them again#fuck florida for every fucking reason under the sun
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baifengxis · 1 year
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If I had a superpower, wouldn't you be scared of me? This question...I already gave you an answer. Do you remember?
UNIDENTIFIED MYSTERIOUS GIRLFRIEND [2023]
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itslookingback · 4 months
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:(
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vse-kar-vem · 1 month
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how to write vent post title that does not come off as self-pitying and or accusatory (because it's NOT !)
#sorry tumblr is like a diary to me idk what i'll do w this blog after i (sigh) inevitably move on#either way#im convinced everyone hates me again :3 but realistically no one cares about me even enough to hate me im just stupid and self centred 💔#if anything me TYPING these posts is actuvely turning people against me#again with the assumptions that people care enough to read these 😭 fhskfbhsjfkg#i hate that i care so much what people online think of me cuz irl it's like. whatever#but here there are so many cool people who i admire and would love to be friends with im always hyperparanoid of everything i do#and still i manage to overstep and come off as annoying#like obvs you're allowed to hate me even if you're someone i look up to like that's your perogative#but i hate worrying about IF anyone hates me#oughgh this is easier irl because usually people send off pretty clear signals if they dont like you#but online (esp with how prickly this fandom is) i don't know whether im being insecure and reading into things or whether people just don't#like me (which again is fine i would just rather know if anyone gets it)#i figure art is the one way i can get people to like me 💔 which sounds kinda pathetic because irl i KNOW im liked and capable!#fandom has just become such a big part of my personality that i cant detach my self worth from it#and i do love art and drawing and such i hate that even if i know people my stuff EYE dont and it doesnt mean anything or act as a signifier#of my friendships#wow .... i really am my own therapist ..... i should shut up#the industrial revolution and its consequences (jofandom)#i think these posts are half self exploration half ... almost self harm? because sometimes im so derogatory about myself on purpose in a#'you're worthless' way. but at the same time it's cathartic and i always feel better having probed at my feelings and gotten them in order#not to do a complete 180 but it's MY post and JO LONDON IN *12* DAYS!!!!!!!! AHH i'm sooo excited if it doesnt live up to my expectations i#may cry a little. and there will be another vent post from me !#sometimes i wonder if anyone actually reads these 😭#vee rambles
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felizusnavidad · 6 months
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IN THE HEIGHTS countdown: 5 DAYS!
song for today:
in this folder there’s a picture from my high school graduation with the program, mint condition and a star beside my name here’s a picture of my parents as i left for california she saved everything we gave her every little scrap of paper...
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