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sturnsbabie · 11 days

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TOXICITY-M.STURNIOLO

PART ONE

pairing: matt x reader

summary: a look into what caused reader to grow hatred for matt. what will happen when matt drags her out of a party?

warnings: swearing,partying,asshole!matt,arguing,fingering,p in v.

it all started when matt and y/n was kids. they used to be so close back in kindergarten up until the fourth grade. her matt nick and chris were all inseparable together.

that was until y/n developed a crush on matt when she was in second grade and it lasted all the way til fourth grade.

fourth grade came around and there was girl that was y/n’s bestfriend her name was kenzie. well her so called bestfriend she thought until she took matt from her and humiliated her in front of the whole fourth grade at recess.

that was what made y/n develop hatred for matt. he knew the girl liked him and he had said he liked her too yet he let the girl get humiliated in front of the whole fourth grade.

after they were eachothers first kisses in matts backyard while they were playing hide and seek with his brothers.

they both still remember this memory to this day. it was a fall evening and the four kids were scattered around the woods by matts house.

y/n had pulled matt behind a tree as they were hiding from his brothers. “matty!can you be my first kiss” the girl asked

matt got flustered and looked at the girl. “y-yes” he said as the girl was also flustered.

matt pressed his lips against hers as they kissed for a split second before chris found the two.

“nick! guess who i just caught kissing!” chris shouted as nick was coming over to the three.

matt and the girl both pulled away acting like nothing happened.

“n-nothing happened!!” the two both said.

matt often found himself thinking about that memory to this day. he regretted hurting her to the point she started to hate him.

he remembers the way tears streamed down her face as she ran off the playground as fast as she could as nick chased after the girl chris following them.

matt hated that he never took up for the girl and did something to stop what had happened. he grew hatred for the girl over the years because of the hatred she has for him.

now present day, matt and y/n are constantly around eachother because of the fact she always hangs out with chris and nick. this causes y/n and matt to bicker and argue back in forth which nick always gets frustrated and tells them to shut the fuck up.

nick and chris tries everything they can to get y/n and matt to not hate eachother anymore but nothing will work.

y/n often finds her thinking about matt more then she should. she thinks about him everyday no matter what she is doing. she hates it because she’s supposed to hate him.

the girl was currently getting ready with nick to head to a party with chris and matt. the four would sometimes go to parties but not often.

“you look so pretty!” nick said as he looked at the girls outfit.she had on a black mini dress and a bit of makeup on.

“thank you nick! you look good too!” i said softly.

“nick!y/n!hurry up!” matt shouted at the two.

“matt shut the fuck up we will be ready in a second!” i yelled at matt.

“you can find your own ride y/n!” matt fought back

i rolled my eyes as nick shouted at matt. “shut the fuck up matt! just get along already!” he said.

i grabbed my phone and we headed to the car. nick and i got into the backseat as i felt a pair of eyes on me thru the rearview mirror.

why the fuck was matt staring at me. i shrugged it off as chris and i were in a conversation the whole time matt was driving us to the party.

once we got into the party we all went our separate ways.nick and i went to the kitchen together to grab a drink.

as the night went on nick went to go conversate with other people he knew as i found myself dancing in the living room.

suddenly this guy comes up behind me grabbing my hips as i was dancing. i felt a familiar pair of eyes on me once again watching me from afar. fucking matt again.

i dont know what the fuck his deal was tonight but he was really pissing me off. i ignored it as i started to move my hips on the guy.

matt had watched the girl dance on the guy long enough that he didnt realize he was clenching his jaw or the fact that he felt a form of jealousy.

as the guy pulled me around to face him going to grab my cheek i suddenly felt a pair of hands grab me pulling me away from him.

he decided that he had enough and he went over to the girl and pulled her off of the guy before he could kiss her.

it was matt once again. “we’re fucking leaving.” he said as he had this weird look on his face. a look ive never seen from him before.

“what the fuck matt!” i said as i was fed up with whatever he was doing this for.

“we’re talking in the fucking car.” matt said as we walked to the car.

we both got in the front of the car and i turned to look at him as he looked at me.

“why the fuck did you do that for matt!” i shouted

“because i didnt want you to do anything you would regret!” he shouted back

“since when do you give a fuck about what i do matt! newsflash you havent been there for me since that fucking day in fourth grade so i dont except you to be here for me now.” i felt myself looking at matt taking in all of his features.

“i dont i was just being fucking nice for once!” he said as his jaw was clenched.

fuck he looked so good rightnow.i didnt know what had gotten into me but the fact that he was clenching his jaw had made my core start to grow wet.

“well i dont fucking need you too matt! whats up with you tonight i saw you watch me at the fucking party for what!? because you wanted to ruin my fu-” i was cut off as i suddenly felt a pair of lips on mine kissing me.

i was in shock as i felt matt kissing me but i instantly kissed him back.

the kiss was filled with lust and hunger as he deepened the kiss. i felt him pull me into his lap not breaking the kiss as he gripped my thighs sneaking his hand closer to my core as the kiss grew heated.

matt slipped his tounge into my mouth as he started to rub circles against my clothed clit. i started to whimper into his mouth as i felt him slide his hand into my panties rubbing my clit at a fast pace.

he pulled away from the kiss making eye contact with me as he was rubbing my clit harshly making me become a moaning mess.

“so wet for me even though you claim that you hate me.”matt chuckled.

i felt my orgasm reaching as he slipped two fingers inside me pumping them at a fast pace as he kept his eyes on mine.

“g-gonna cum”i moaned out.

“go ahead cum around my fingers baby.” matt said as he pressed a few kisses to my neck.

with that i felt myself clenching around his fingers as i came on his fingers.

matt pulled them out of me as he reached them up to his mouth licking them clean. “taste so good.” matt said.

“how about you let me bend you over the back seat and fuck you yeah?” he said and i nodded in response.

we both climbed into the backseat and matt slipped his shirt off the sametime i slipped my dress off.

matt kissed me a few times as he kissed down my neck leaving a few little marks before bending me over in the backseat.

he then slid his pants down then pulled my panties down as he brushed his tip against my folds before sliding into me.

he slid into me letting adjust to his size before thrusting into me. i couldn’t believe that i was fucking matt rightnow.

matt gripped my hips and started to pound into me which caused me to let out a loud string of moans as i gripped onto the backseat til my knuckles turned white.

“so fucking good.” matt groaned slapping my ass.

“shake your ass baby wanna watch you fuck yourself on my cock.” he said.

with that i started to bounce myself on his cock making my ass jiggle while i was doing so.

“fuck.”matt groaned as he watched me fucking myself on him.

matt then started to pound back into me gripping my hips so hard it would leave bruises.

all that could be heard was a mixture of our moans and skin slapping together.

suddenly we heard voices growing closer and closer by the second. nick and chris.

matt instantly pulled out of me making me whimper at the loss of contact as we both hurried and got dressed matt climbing back into the front seat.

“meet me in my room after everyone goes to sleep we arent finished with this.” he said.

“okay.” i said as i fixed my dress making sure it didnt seem like anything had happened.

nick and chris both got into back of the car and looked at me and matt with confused expressions.

hair was stuck to my forehead from sweating,matts hair was messy and his shirt was on backwards not to mention the small marks he left on my neck.

nick and chris both give eachother weird looks as they tried to figure out what the fuck just went on.

“did you guys just get done fucking or something because uh its so fucking obvious!” chris said as matt was driving back to the triplets house.

“CHRIS! stop i dont want to imagine that because we are literally sitting in the backseat rightnow!” nick started to go on a rampage til matt spoke up.

“thats fucking disgusting chris i would never.” matt lied as he looked over at me.

i rolled my eyes as a smirk appeared on matts face.

“well its fucking suspicious when you both look like you just got done fucking and your shirt is literally on backwards!”chris said.

“chris just fucking drop it we didnt do anything” i also lied even though there was no point in since they figured it out already.

once we got back to their house everyone went to their rooms as i followed nick into his room.

i went into the bathroom changing into a hoodie and a pair of shorts then walked back into nicks room.

“what really happened y/n?i wanna know.”nick said

“matt dragged me out of the party for whatever fucking reason claiming he wanted to make sure i didnt do anything id regret and we got into a arguement and then he fucking kissed me and one thing led to another.” i spilled as nicks jaw dropped.

“YOU FUCKED HIM!?”nick shouted as he was shocked at what he just heard.

“for two seconds until we heard your guys voices” i said as nick was still in shock.

“I FUCKING KNEW IT!” nick shouted again

“nick! be quiet chris and matt will hear you!” i said as we laid in his bed.

“so are you guys like a thing now or what?” nick asked.

“no we still obviously hate eachother!” i said and nick chuckled.

“apparently not after what you just told me! i always knew you guys would end up together!”nick said.

“we arent together!” i said

“for now!” he said.

i rolled my eyes. “you can’t tell anybody i told you all this!” i said

“shut up i wont!” he said

we gossiped about other random topics until he fell asleep. i thought about if i should go to matts room or not because what if he didnt mean that and plus we hate eachother. but we fucked? i was confused.

i finally decided to sneak to matts room and lightly knocked on the door.

he opened the door looking at me.he had a pair of sweats on as he was shirtless with his tattoos on full display. fuck he looked so good.

“come in.”he said as i walked in and he shut the door behind me making sure he locked it.

matt pushed me onto his bed and hovered over me attaching his lips to mine kissing me.

i kissed him as i ran my hand up and down his tattooed arm as the kiss quickly got heated.

he pulled away from the kiss sliding my shorts off me along with his sweats.

he hovered back over me kissing me once again as he slammed himself into me making me whimper into his mouth.

he pulled away from the kiss looking at me before he slid my hoodie off throwing it.

“pretty.”he said as he pounded into me abusing my cervix with his tip.

i was a moaning mess as he kept hitting all the right spots.

“shut the fuck up. dont want my brothers to hear how much of a whore you are for someone you claim that you hate.” matt said as he wrapped his hand attached to his tattooed arm around my neck muffling my noises.

the more he pounded into me the more i became a fucked out mess from him.

“so pretty taking my cock like the slut you are.”he groaned as he leaned down putting in his head in my neck.

i wrapped my legs around him as i left scratches down his back with my nails making him become a moaning mess as he sloppily pounded into me.

i felt my orgasm grow close for the second time that night as i started to clench around him.

“gonna cum” i moaned

“cum all over my cock baby.”matt said.

with that i felt myself clench around him even tighter as i came around him coating his cock with my cum.

he thrusted a few more times helping me come down from my high as i felt him twitch inside me.

he shot his seed deep inside of me filling me up then pulled out watching it drip out.

“we should do this more often.” matt suggested.

“maybe we will.” i said.

TAGLIST: @eupiasworld , @sturniolosloves , @mattslovelygf , @smittensturniolos , @hauntedxchris , @hearts4tatemcrae , @bernardsbendystraws , @jo-777 , @wurlibydominicfike , @meerkatzthings , @jnkvivi , @sturnzsblog , @pinklittleflower , @sturnioloblogs

#sturniolo triplets #matt sturniolo #nick sturniolo #sturniolo triplets imagines #chris sturniolo #nicolas sturniolo #chris sturniolo imagine #christopher sturniolo #christopher sturniolo imagines #matt sturniolo imagines #chris sturniolo fanfic #matt sturniolo fanfic #matthew sturniolo #matthew sturniolo imagines

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swallowtail-lotus · 1 month

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Urges {Thor x Goddess!Reader} (NSFW!)

Repost

My god, what's wrong with my younger self??

Warnings: 18+, Anal

This was possibly one of the most confusing yet frustrating chain of events in your life.

You were just training in your home, trying to improve your strength and stamina. Just as you finished, you found a strange chest that can fit just about 5 fully grown hydras, which wasn't much, since they were the size of humans. It was odd that it was in your home.

Who put this here? Why was it here?

You were curious enough to see what was inside when it suddenly changed and trapped you in a hole that replaced the keyhole. Your top half was inside the box, and your bottom half was sticking out. Trying to get out proved to be a hard task, as the lid was shut tight.

By the gods, that's embarrassing.

You slumped down in defeat, trying to think of another way to get out. The sound of footsteps brought you out of your mind. The familiar clanks from the footsteps brought a bit of hope in you.

"(Y/n)? How did this happen?" You knew it was Thor from his voice. The sound of his voice made your face heat up.

"Ah, I accidentally trapped myself. Could you help me?" You asked, tapping the wood of the chest. Thor let out a grunt and grabbed the metal of the lid. Without much effort, he managed to force the lid open. You looked up, feeling relieved to see the light. With a simple pull, he got you out, gripping you by the hips.

Thor stared at his hands holding your hips. He wasn't too surprised to feeling the softness of them, but the way they fit in his hand perfectly caught him off guard just for a few seconds before letting go.

"Thank you, Thor. Now, is there a reason why you came here?" You questioned the tall God, having to move your head up til you can see your ceiling art clearly.

"My father sent me. He wants to speak with you." That was his response. You followed him to Asgard, feeling rather comfortable with the silence. Thor wasn't an talkative person, same with you, but both of you often had conversations with each other.

You reached Odin, the all father. He stared you down, his two crows copying him. You lowered yourself, bowing down at the god before you.

"You have no need to bow." You nearly jumped from Odin's voice. You straighten yourself, clutching your fists at your sides.

"You wish to speak with me?" He nodded, dismissing his son. Thor was gone in seconds, leaving you with his father. He stood up from his throne, nudging his head towards one of the gardens. You trailed behind him, wondering what he wanted to talk to you about.

________

Multiple human-like dummies laid on the floor, completely destroyed and beyond repair. You slashed up another one, the pieces scattered near your feet.

"I should rest for a bit." You mumbled, setting your weapon beside you and sat down. You perked up, seeing Thor in front of you.

"Am I needed again?" You asked, blinking at him. Thor shook his head, his hammer in hand. You looked into his eyes and figured out what he wanted.

"You want to fight me." A nod was all that you need. You stood up, grabbing your weapon and prepared yourself.

__________

Day by day, some of your time was taken by Thor wanting to fight you. Not that you were complaining, and it was understandable. Thor is often bored when it came to fighting. At first he wasn't able to find someone worthy, someone to be his opponent

Until he met you.

You've been able to cure his boredom much longer than the giants he slain. He knows his father is suspicious of his sudden absence from his home, but he could care less.

Because he was feeling something else towards you.

He watched you rest your hands on your weapon, clearly exhausted from the fighting.

"Can I just rest for a little?" You controlled your breathing, unaware of Thor's eyes on your back. The God took deep breaths, his hand gripping the handle of his hammer tightly.

Thor is certain something was in his drink, but didn't know what it was until it took effect.

He stepped closer, his erection poking your rear end. He put his hammer down, both his hands now holding your waist. You hummed in surprise, looking back at the god.

"Hey Thor? What are you doing?" Without uttering a word, your question was answered when he moved your clothing from your butt, thrusting inside in one swift movement.

"What the- Thor!" You exclaimed, holding onto your weapon as his thrusts became more animalistic. You arched your back by accident from the force of Thor's hands. Thor wrapped his arms around you, pulling out. Thor changed positions, with you sitting on his lap and the tip brushing your pussy. He ripped your panties apart and shoved his cock inside. You yelped out, your walls clenching his cock. Thor continued to bounce you on his lap, watching his dick slide in and out.

"Ahh~" Your moans caused the riled up god to increase the speed greatly. You hugged his neck, your face heating up from the growing heat inside you.

"T-thor- I'm gonna-" You couldn't even finish your sentence when you felt his load shoot into your womb. You took deep breaths, trying to get off him but he kept his grip on you. Somehow, he took you to his room from your home. He tossed you on the bed, climbing on top of you.

"Umm, you can let me go!" You dragged out the last word as Thor slammed himself back inside.

Bonus~~

Morning came around, the birds are singing and Thor was currently hunting his cousin down. He found out that Loki had snuck something powerful enough for Thor to act out his... Fantasies in his drink.

"You can come out now." You called out to the giggling god. Loki was upside down, grinning at you.

"Happy now?" He asked in an teasing matter.

"Yes, but one question. Where'd you find that?"

"That's for me to know and for you to find out~"

#oh wow what the actual fuck?#record of ragnarok #record of ragnarok x reader #record of ragnarok x reader smut #record of ragnarok thor x reader #thor x reader #ror x reader #snv x reader

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spiderfreedom · 4 months

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my suffering is profound and legitimate, yours is frivolous nonsense

Just reading a blogger I like but I had to laugh because she was talking about how beauty practices are bad for women's mental health, and she left a note saying "unlike gender affirming care! gender affirming care improves people's mental health and it's nothing at all like cosmetic practices."

TIL, when an older woman gets botox to remove her wrinkles and avoid facing the inevitability of decline and death, her problem is spiritual/structural and she needs to Do The Work to deprogram her ageism, unlike people with dysphoria, who of course have legitimate claims to cosmetic alteration.

And it is cosmetic - no part of the body that is altered by HRT or SRS or any of the feminization/masculinization surgeries is failing to function or functioning poorly. The problem is with the brain, which perceives the body parts as foreign or undesirable. We may sympathize with someone struggling with such a condition, but that does not change that the body parts being altered were already healthy and the alterations are cosmetic, and the relief being brought about is mental.

But plenty of trans people openly admit that separating body dysmorphia and gender dysphoria is a losing game. Contrapoints's video on "Beauty" (transcript) has the observation that she feels least dysphoric when she is meeting feminine beauty norms:

But I also think that trans people often talk like gender dysphoria is this intrinsic, personal experience that's always 100% valid and never has anything at all to do with the external pressure of beauty standards. But in fact, gender dysphoria is not sealed away in a vacuum away from the influence of societal ideals and norms. [...] When I try to psychoanalyze myself, I find that my desires to look female, to look feminine, and to look beautiful are not exactly the same, but they're woven together so tightly that it's kind of difficult to untangle them. And the opposite is also true, that for me feeling mannish or dysphoric usually goes along with feeling ugly. I don't have a lot of days where I walk out the house thinking "well, I'm giving femme queen realness, but apart from that I look like absolute shit".

Max Robinson's book "Detransition," from an FTM perspective, points out how the prospective trans man views his suffering as unique from and distinct from women's, even as the surgeries they seek are not especially different:

The stereotypical cosmetic surgery patient is seeking to become closer to being perfectly feminine - she wants to be beautiful. Transitional cosmetic surgery, on the other hand, is widely understood to mark the patient as ex-female and therefore unfemale; this is part of the meaning FTMs seek to create through surgery. FTM desire for cosmetic surgery is positioned as something totally different than the stereotype of a woman who 'merely' seeks beauty at her frivolous leisure. FTMs are deemed to have a rare affliction that needs urgent, life-saving treatment. Conversely, there is nothing more common than for a woman to become obsessed with her socially-deemed 'unsatisfactory' looks and desperately seek to change them, believing that such a change is the only thing that can restore her quality of life. This comparison will feel like an insult to the FTM. It will feel that way because we believe other women's suffering doesn't matter, and recognize how much ours does. Women's suffering is ordinary but ours is extraordinary. For us to matter, we must be differentiated from the silly little woman who wants to be pretty so badly she'll pay thousands of dollars (now billable to credit cards and loan programs designed to pay for elective surgeries!) to risk her life and health. These women don't need to be fixed; we do. FTMs know that we don't deserve a woman's fate but have not yet realized that no woman does.

I have more to write on the topic of the relationship between gender identity and beauty culture, but I'll end this one here. It makes sense that somebody who is identified with the opposite sex would also be affected by the standards of beauty expected of that sex. (Non-binary identification is more complicated and requires separate treatment.)

#mypost #beauty culture #gender identity ideology #radical feminism #100 notes tag

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dark-frosted-heart · 4 days

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From a Mean Lie, Love Begins - Roger Barel

As usual, can’t guarantee 100% accuracy on this. Secondhand embarrassment ahead.

After finishing dinner, I had some free time and so I decided to help Roger with his research.

As I descended the stairs leading to the basement like usual, I heard two people talking and stopped in my tracks.

(Roger and…Harrison?)

Their expressions were so serious that I couldn’t find the right time to call out to them.

Harrison: …In such a bad shape?

Roger: Yeah. Heard from experts that it can’t be returned to its original state. Spine’s so wrecked and can’t stand without support.

Harrison: So caught up in research that you can’t even take care of yourself. What a laugh. …Could’ve done something about it if it was caught sooner.

(What does he mean…? Roger, are you in such a bad state that you can’t stand…?)

He looked fine last night while happily drinking.

(But…there are some illnesses out there that are invisible)

(Was he self-destructing by drinking so much because he couldn’t save himself…?)

Roger: Well, I’ll see what I can do for now. I got a reputation of not being a quitter. Just gotta hang in there ‘til the end. If you can’t…then we’ll deal with it when the time comes.

As I secretly peeped at them, I saw Roger give a weak smile.

(Roger’s body really is wrecked…)

(He couldn’t have been lying if Harrison’s there…)

I couldn’t bring myself to say anything and quietly left before they could notice.

–

(I wasn’t aware that Roger’s condition was that bad…)

(But now that I know…I can change my behavior)

(Tomorrow, I’ll do my best to support Roger so that he doesn’t suffer)

The day after learning about Roger’s condition, I secretly made a decision. I’ll immediately start helping him out.

–

Kate: Here, Roger. Open your mouth please.

After cutting the meat on the plate into bite-sized pieces, I held it up to Roger’s mouth.

Roger: …? I can eat by myself, lil’ lady.

Kate: Please don’t overwork yourself! I’ll be supporting you throughout your life!

Roger: The hell’s gotten into you?

Roger tried to stand up with a puzzled look on his face, and I rushed to stop him.

Kate: Ah, please don’t force yourself to stand!

Roger: I just wanna get a drink…

Kate: I’ll get it for you!

I stood up instead and got Roger a glass of water.

Kate: Here you go Roger.

Roger: Thanks…

Alfons: Good grief…Stop worrying about that muscle-headed, research-obsessed idiot and feed me, little robin?

Kate: …You’re feeling fine, aren’t you Alfons? You don’t need help, do you?

Alfons: I’m certainly feeling rather energized this morning, however…

With the way you’re speaking…You make it sound as if Roger’s not well.

Kate: …

I became depressed as I thought back to yesterday’s conversation.

Roger: …Lil’ lady?

Kate: I heard it yesterday. The conversation between you and Harrison… That your body was so wrecked that you couldn’t stand…!

Roger: Hm? That’s…

Alfons: Oh? I knew you wouldn’t live long but is it finally time to kick the bucket?

Roger: …

At the question, Roger exchanged glances with Harrison and then let out a sigh.

Roger: …Everyone’s gonna wind up six feet under eventually. It just depends on when.

(If you’re not denying it, then it’s true…?)

Kate: Please don’t talk about giving up like that…! I may not understand your condition, but I’ll be supporting you from today onward!

Roger: That’s helpful. Well I got some research I’d like you to help me with now…

Kate: Please leave it to me!

–

I was helping Roger out with his research like he’d asked and it was approaching midnight.

Roger: It’s getting late. Why don’t you get back to your room, lil’ lady?

Kate: What about you?

Roger: …I’ll get some rest too.

Kate: Liar. You’re going to keep working, aren’t you?

When I glared at Roger for that impromptu lie, he just shrugged.

Roger: …I got some interesting data so I wanna work on it for a bit longer.

Kate: It’s not like the data’s going anywhere tomorrow and the numbers won’t change. Take it easy and look after yourself.

I forced Roger out of his chair and onto an infirmary bed.

Roger: Are you planning on helping me not just today, but the next day onward too?

Kate: Yes. I’m worried about your health so that’s my intention.

Roger: Heh, your thoughts never fail to surprise me. You’d agree to anything I’d ask you right now, wouldn’t you?

Kate: Is there anything else you want me to do?!

Roger asked me to help with his research today, but…that’s just an extension of how I usually help him.

(If I could do anything for Roger since he’s not physically well…I’d do it)

Roger: Yeah…How about this. Kiss me. Roger grabbed my hand as he sat up in bed.

(Why a kiss…ah)

(If you don’t feel well, then you’ll feel even more lonely or hopeless…)

No doubt the kiss wouldn’t have any special feeling behind it…rather, it’d just be some physical contact to fill the loneliness.

(Roger’s selfishly kissed me numerous times before)

(No point in rejecting him at this point)

(More importantly, I’d like to help Roger when I can…)

Because I’m standing, I don’t have to go on my tiptoes to kiss him today.

To keep it from getting in the way,I tucked my hair behind my ear with the hand not being held by Roger.

Kate: Nn…

I gave Roger a light peck.

Though it was just a brief, I filled Roger’s heart with all the compassion I could muster.

Roger: Ha…it’s still not enough.

Roger tugged hard on the hand he was holding.

Kate: …Oof

Roger was pushed down onto the bed as he pulled me toward him.

Kate: A-are you alright?! Does it hurt anywhere?

Roger: Nothing hurts so just leave it. That aside, do it again.

Kate: …

At his begging, I pushed Roger down and kissed him again.

This time, his hand went up to the back of my head to keep me from pulling away too soon.

Kate: Nn…haaa…

Roger’s tongue slid into my mouth and tangled with mine.

Breathtaking kisses were something Roger had shown me.

(I don’t know how many more kisses like this I’ll get…)

The thought of it made my heart ache…I continued to kiss Roger to make him happy.

Roger: …You’d really do anything, wouldn’t you?

Roger mumbled as our lips parted.

Roger: Do you do this with anyone you know is weak…?

(I tried to imagine it but…it’d be difficult to do this with anyone but Roger)

(Roger’s touched me before, so it’s a different set of obstacles from others…I think)

Kate: I think it’s normal to want to do things for someone who’s suffering.

Roger: …If that’s the case, then I can’t just go quietly.

Kate: …Huh?

Roger: Who’ll take care of Crown when I’m gone? They could call in a doctor from the outside, but it’d be hard to respond at my speed. And if that does happen, you’d have a lot of weak men lying around you. Don’t wanna put you in a situation where you’d be compassionate toward weak men besides me.

(Are you saying this to protect me…? But…)

Kate: But even if you say that, your body’s already…

Roger: Ah…Think it’s time I cleared up this misunderstanding.

Kate: Misunderstanding…?

Roger: That conversation you heard between Harrison and me was actually about—

~~ Flashback ~~

Roger: …?

Harrison: What’s up?

Roger: Nothing, just heard the lil’ lady’s footsteps…But she turned back.

Harrison: She probably read the air when she saw how serious we looked.

Roger: We weren’t talking about anything important so she could’ve just come in.

Harrison: Not important…Roger, do you really understand the value of this book? It’s a book signed by Edgar Allan Poe and it got ruined by chemicals…! The spine’s falling apart and the chemical’s made the text fade so much it’s unreadable. It couldn’t even stand on its own when I put it on a bookshelf…

Roger: It was a gift, but I got so caught up in my research that I got careless.

Harrison: *sigh*...This is why people only interested in research are nothing but trouble.

~~ End flashback ~~

Roger: So…It wasn’t me that got wrecked but a book.

Kate: Really…?

Roger: Yeah, really. As you can see, I’m healthy as a horse. Sorry for playing around with you without clearing it up right away. Thought it’d be a good excuse to get you to help with some research. I’ll take all your complaints.

Kate: Y-you’re the worst!!

With a singular curse, I ran out and to my room.

After closing the door, I collapsed on the spot.

Kate: That’s a relief… At least Roger isn’t dying…!

Feeling relieved, uncontrollable feelings spilled out in the form of tears.

I ran from Roger because I didn’t want him to see me cry.

Roger’s voice: …Lil’ lady.

Roger’s voice could be heard from out in the hallway.

Kate: W-what is it? I’m mad at you right now…!

Roger’s voice: I wanna apologize, so open the door.

Kate: Don’t want to…

Roger’s voice: That so. …With the lie I told, I don’t blame you.

I thought Roger would give up once I refused him, but he showed no signs of leaving.

Kate: Um…You’re not going back to your room?

Roger: I’m gonna wait ‘til you open the door for me.

(If you say that, then i have no choice but to open the door…)

I wiped my eyes and opened the door.

Roger: …

Kate: D-did you by chance…hear anything when I came back to my room?

Roger’s curse gave him supernatural hearing.

“At least Roger isn’t dying…”

If he heard me say that as I cried, then my angry act would be all for nothing.

Roger: No? Didn’t hear anything. Anyway, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have let that misunderstanding about my life go that far.

Kate: … …You said you lied to get me to help you. So why the kiss?

Roger: You were worrying so much over taking care of me that it was endearing. I wanted to dote on you.

Kate: That wasn’t doting?! I’d call that making things difficult for me!

Roger: Really? I always thought you enjoyed the kisses. If I got the wrong idea then sorry. Let’s try again to be sure.

Kate: Why are you always taking things in that direction! Do you even actually feel sorry at all?

Roger: I think so…Sorry.

Roger’s sudden, touching apology distracted me from my anger.

Roger: I won’t lie to you anymore. If me living longer makes you happy, then I’ll do just that.

Kate: I-I knew it. You did hear what I said when I got back to my room!

Roger: Whoops, that’s right. I didn’t hear a thing.

Kate: If you’re going to lie, then go through with it…!

Roger: Pfft…Haha.

Kate: …What are you laughing at?

Roger: Though I love how you look when you cry, I think I also love the way you yell with so much energy. Sorry for worrying you the whole day.

Roger roughly patted my head.

As I begrudgingly looked up at him, I realized that my heart was racing again.

(Roger already heard me say that I was relieved that he wasn’t going to die, but…)

(...I hope he doesn’t notice the sound of my heart racing as he pats my head)

#ikemen villains #ikevil #ikevil jp #ikevil translations #roger barel #ikevil roger

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m3gumix · 2 years

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Lovesick ; Chainsaw man

Characters : Power , Angel Devil , Beam Warnings : NOT PROOFREAD. masc pronouns for reader in Power's part , gender neutral / non-binary pronouns for Angel Devil and Beam. Possibly ooc for everyone- [ uh the Beam & Power one were made specifically for @rayuki and someone else ..& I asked for them to give me scenarios with their favs while I made the Angel Devil one for myself- ] Synopsis : Them falling inlove with the reader and/or love at first sight. Basically just as the title says..Lovesick Request[s] : #1 ; Power : "Power seeing someone outside of Aki's apartment while home alone and gets bored so she says hi to them" #2 ; Beam : "Romantic scenario let’sss seeee uhhhhh he wants to hold ur hand but is a little too nervous so he tries to find ways to let you know he wants too. Or he tries to find ways to build up courage to ask you- either is fine." A/n : Hello loves! I'm finally writing again! This time for chainsaw man because the anime was hype and I'm having a csm brainrot. I'm taking Chainsaw man requests!! NO NSFW. Other than that enjoy <33

Denji and Aki left power to watch over the apartment. Why? Who knows, perhaps they couldn't trust her enough with this mission. "But then why bring Denji?" She's repeated that sentence in her head over a million times. Before they even left Aki had told her to not go anywhere and to not open the door for anyone, would she listen? Probably not. But she hasn't done anything yet...surprisingly, she's just been sitting with Meowy while rolling on the floor. "Can you believe them Meowy! How rude of them to leave me here by myself- I should've just went anyway! As a matter of fact- I will! They can't tell me what to do!" She stood up with a huff as she put on her shoes and began stomping to the door, slamming it open she kept that pout on her face til she noticed a male leaning on the railing infront of Aki's apartment. He had the uniform on, what was he doing here? Was he sent to watch over Power? "That's ridiculous! I can watch over myself!" "You! Why are you here! Who are you- Did Aki send you to come watch me! Well I can watch myself I'll have you know-" She yelled at y/n as he just turned around, a confused look on his face. He chuckled at the confusion washed over Power's face "I'm just here to get some fresh air..no need to be so angry." She slowly put her arm down and blankly stared at the male. "If you're not busy, would you like to stay with me for a bit?" Trying to break the silence , Y/n asked Power a simple question that he hoped she would respond too. She narrowed her eyes at him and thought about his offer. "Hmm...Fine. I suppose I could spend my time with you, human." She proudly smiled and she walked towards the male. The two of them continued having a conversation about random things, just to pass time, it was mainly Power talking about anything and everything but they enjoyed each other's company. These conversations went from minutes then quickly to hours long. But sadly it had to end when Y/n got called for a job. "Ah- sorry..I gotta go..I got called in. Wait- I never got your name?" Power stopped her ranting and stood proudly with her hands on her hips. "The name's Power! Be happy that I chose to waste away my time with you, Human!" Y/n only stared at her before smiling and tucking away some of her hair behind her ears, "Hello Power..the name's y/n." Power's eyes went wide as she stared back at him as he parted his hand away from her and began walking away. She felt something completely new- something she's never felt ever, it was like....this warm feeling in her cheeks. Was it getting hot in here? Why does it suddenly feel like her face is burning- Oh silly Power, you're inlove!

"It's so hot...can we go get another icecream before working again." The red headed devil slowly followed behind you while yawning. You kept your eyes ahead.. ignoring any sighing and groaning the small male let out. "As much as I'd really love too, Aki would kill us if we did." You reasoned with Angel, continuing to go to your location. "How about when we're done I'll get you some more, 'kay?" He looked up at the sky in thought, silently pondering your offer for a few minutes before finally responding. "You promise?" "I promise." The both of you continued to walk in silence before you heard Angel's groaning again. "Something's in my eye...I can't get it out.." Turning around to see what he was complaining about , you noticed his eyes seemed to be watering a bit. You sighed as you pulled out a tissue from your pocket and leaned a bit closer to his face. "There..all done. Your eyelashes are pretty long, that's probably what was in your eye." He stared at you with his usual blank face. You both stood there looking at each other in yet again, another comfortable silence. "Hey...there was this movie I saw, a man and a woman were standing like this.." He took a small step forward towards you before continuing. "They were about this far from each other,..and then they kissed." You slightly tilted your head in confusion. "What's your point?" Angel looked away and sighed , "I've never done something like that, and probably won't. Things like that never really interested me it just- never mind.." You sighed and put the tissue over your mouth, you leaned even closer to Angel as his face slightly scrunched up a bit as if he was confused. When he was about to ask what you were even doing his eyes widened when you put the tissue over his mouth and leaned down to give him a soft kiss over the thin cloth. "There, was that okay?" You stepped back as he looked down, touching his lips before letting out a long groan and crouching down on the floor as he felt his cheeks heat up a little bit. "I...I can't work anymore today.."

Living in a beach house was probably one of the best choices you've made, you get to go out to the ocean...nice views...a lovely house not near too many people, and then....Beam. A fiend that you've become friends with..I suppose? You could say atleast, he'd visit you pretty often whenever you were just relaxing outside or just whenever he saw you he'd come running- Speaking of which, he was sitting next to you right now. It was night and you decided to just sit outside and look at the stars and as usual, Beam came to see you. "Hello Beam, it's nice to see you again." You smiled as you looked at him, Beam flashing you a toothy smile in return. "Yes! Nice to see you too!" You chuckled at his response as you looked back at the sky, Beam rocked back and forth as he looked up as well. There was silence between the both of you but you felt as if someone kept staring at you. To relieve your curiosity , you turned to face Beam...ah..Yeah, he was staring- He let out a startled noise when you turned to face him before quickly looking back. You brushed it off as just you catching him off guard, but as you continued to look at the scenery you could see Beam out of the corner of your eyes turning to look at you once more. "Ah- uhm!" You turned to look at Beam as he started talking, "yes?" He continued looking at you as he fumbled with his hands a bit, you rested you hand in your palm as you patiently waited for him to let out whatever he needed to say. Whenever Beam seemed to be around you , he always felt much more happy than he usually is. He'd feel his face heat up at the warm smile you'd always give him when he was around.. But at the same time,..as much as he'd want to hug you and such like he does with Denji..he never seems to have the courage to do so. Why? He's never felt like that before? Your eyes widened and you let out a small gasp as Beam grabbed your hands in his. "Beam..thinks your pretty! The most beautiful human alive!" You stared at him with wide eyes as you felt your own face slowly heating up. You both stared at each other in silence before you laughed. "Thank you Beam, but you're much prettier than I am."

#chainsaw man #csm #csm x reader #chainsaw man x reader #angel devil #power csm #csm power #power x reader #angel devil x reader #beam #beam csm #beam x reader #anime #manga #god i love them #chainsaw man x you

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sweetbrier2908 · 3 months

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my headcanon about "who fell first who fell harder" (demon bros)

so this is the first version i came up with (btw i did plan to write about 500 words for each headcanon but i gave up after writing mammon's and satan's)

lucifer: they fell first he fell harder

mammon: he fell first and harder

levi: they fell first he fell harder

satan: they fell first and both fell hard

asmo: he fell first and harder

beel: they fell first and both fell hard

belphie: he fell first and harder

and this is what i most agree with after reading a tweet explaining this trope and a long long long chat with myself inside my head:

https://x.com/absolutesilly/status/1648056142403338241?s=46&t=WI8jE12Tt_tbQ_NQiMyKhg

lucifer: they fell first he fell harder (when he realized that he was in love with the human yes the human he had threatened multi times and nearly killed twice, he was surprised and not surprised at the same time, i mean he must have had sensed this for a while but it really shocked him somehow because he did the exact same thing he hoped his brothers wouldn't do - making a pact with a human. they're family, remember? and he also realized that the reason he wanted to sign his life to this human is because he loved them! isn't it a fucking shocking truth to such a pride demon whose sister get killed because loving a human?)

mammon: he fell first and harder (i feel like they're both likely to fall in love at the same time but mc do realize that they're in love with mammon, and one day mammon just like fuck i love them i don't want to lose them *yes, im mentioning lesson 16 incident*)

levi: they fell first he fell harder (i read on tumblr that someone said levi fell face first in the exact hole mammon made when he had fallen, it's so true, it's like the best interpretion of their dynamic, levi just like oh shit im a normie now)

satan: he fell first and they fell harder (yes, from "they fell first and they both fell hard" to this is wild, isn't it but let me explain. i feel like satan did fell first maybe he fell in love with mc the moment mc let him play his detective game *true detective kind of murder case to be precise*, man is the kind to fall in love over simple thing like that, he appreciates kind and small acts. and mc may fell harder not too long after that because they saw the soft and gentle side of satan and boom, isn't him always this soft? isn't him always this pretty? how could i not realize it up til now?)

asmo: they fell first and he fell harder (why? you may ask but im thinking that asmo has an ability to realize and compliment people's charm so maybe he realize mc's charm, mc's good trait and do you guys fall in love with the people who praise you because i do, so this might lead to mc falling first and then after that night before mc leaving asmo was drunk and wasted and suddenly realize that he was not the person he love the most anymore)

beel: he fell first they fell harder (despite being super oblivious sometimes, beel is still a very sensitive and gentle guy. i mean look at the whole forging a pact with beel arc, look at how he treated luke and mc and then the whole making pact scene like omg he was so so so soft and he knew from the start that he loves mc's food and the food taste better with mc and he wants to have meal with mc everyday. and mc may think he treats everyone the same way he treates mc, and then after some point they were starting to try hard to prove that they're the one for beel, without knowing that he had fallen for them)

belphie: he fell first and they fell harder (i just can't imagine mc falling first for belphie, i mean he killed them remember??? still, i think that belphie did fall for them first while being locked in the attic them through their interaction and conversation but he brushed them all off because this was to supposed to be his revenge!!! but after finding mc was lilith's descendant, he embraced all his love for them without hesitation. and then we have mc who slowly realize he's just a spoiled traumatized little brat).

#obey me #obey me nightbringer #obey me satan #obey me mammon #obey me headcanon #obey me lucifer #obey me leviathan #obey me asmodeus #obey me belphegor #obey me beelzebub #who fell first who fell harder #i love writing this #obey me shall we date

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lyomeii · 2 years

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a darling not loving him anymore

->warnings: yandere themes, death mention, reader is at first blind loving this man, angst, comfort(?)

-> request by anon! We don't get enough of Claude(From WMMAP) so here's the scenario I've been thinking for awhile. Reader is someone that's a daughter from a high positioned noble who wanted his love more than anything. (This happened after diana died) The reader doesn't care that he killed someone, she just wanted his love! But after seeing that Claude hated her guts, she left and found a sweet and loving fiancé. Now when she left, Claude felt something, Emptiness.. Now his obsession kinda grew..

->a/n: uhhhhhhhh! love that idea anon ;) seeing this type of tropes always bring myself up and not to mention how satisfactory is too see the male character fall in love with the mc after she leave him! AHHH! sorry, just to anxious and happily to write it ;) also no more posting til Monday since i be doing tests and then playing overwatch

-> the news of the emperor getting married reach the nobles and public ears, both surprised of such event since his lovers death years ago, so that made many people curious to find out who is the luck person to marry the emperor

-> and that person is you, a daughter one of the greatest general the empire, know as a sweet woman who deeply care about everyone and is often seen helping those in need, a unexpected but perfect match to Claude, yet he doesn’t see that way

-> he only married you for two obviously reason, your father asked him to do that in order to protect his precious daughter from older men praying in you and the other one is the amount of the people irritating him to get married to a noble lady, so yeah, he doesn’t see you in the same way you see him

-> the way your eyes almost become a heart shaped when he is in your view, your hugs when you are both alone, the beautiful robes you gave him in honor to his first love and spending time with his daughter to get know them better

-> to the servants at the palace is easily noticeable how deep is your love toward Claude and Anathasia, yet they also noticed how the emperor doesn’t really care about your presence at the palace, in fact, in recently times, he start to avoid you all costs

-> when you are taking care of Anathasia and asked to a nearby servant to ask Claude to play with his daughter with you, they quickly answer that the emperor is busy with his works, at first, you seem to believe them

-> however, as times goes, you start noticing how you stop seeing your husband anywhere and in those rare cases you manage to catch a glimpse of him, Claude is far away and playing with your stepdaughter, you felt a mixed of feelings

-> at first, you are happy that he is finally spending time with his daughter and he looks joyful! Yet, you feel sad to not be part of it and as much you want to talk about it with your husband, he still ignoring you everyday, and not even letting you spending time with Anathasia anymore

-> without much option to do, you ask Felix about your husband’s actions in the past few days and well, it did open your eyes to realize how Claude feel about you, the knight tried his best to use better words to describe what the emperor feel about you, but the damage was done, you realize that you were nothing to Claude and that will never change

-> feeling horrible, you decided to go into a divorce, as much that sound a terrible end to a noble lady married to the emperor, you finally felt happy, knowing that maybe one day someone will truly love you the same way you loved Claude

-> the last time you had a proper conversation with your ex-husband was the day he signed the divorce and let you go back home with your belonging, speaking how much Anathasia missed you and asked him what will happen to you if you left her

-> even loving the little girl, you said goodbye to the palace, promising to never return to this place and finally going back home, where you cried to yourself to sleep for being such idiot to think that Claude loved you

-> the gossips about the divorce was quickly spread by the commoner, yet many didn’t seem to be angry at the previous empress, some of them told many others how the emperor coldly treat his wife during her time at the palace, others spoken how he ignore her every moment and treated her as a stranger

-> yet, the gossips about the divorce of their emperor were stopped after months when they receive a new that made them happy, the sweet woman, once the empress has finally engaged a man who is consider her the gorgeous woman in the world, the lucky man is none than Rogers Alpheus

-> once again, the empire become festive knowing that the poor noblewoman has finally find her true love, not suffering more pain coming from the cold emperor

-> in the other hand, Claude felt emptiness, with you away from the palace, he though he would become happier with Anathasia, yet he miss your presence

-> your hugs, laughs and smiles, those were what brought joy inside the cold palace, and his daughter was happier when you were live with them, but he only noticed it too late and now you are gone from their life

-> the servants notice his attitude change and all of them knew the reason why, he was invited to you wedding with Duke Alpheus, Rogers gave the invitation himself as a respect, but asked to the blonde not coming since that will bring down your joyful behavior

-> and Claude agreed with the Duke, when the wedding happened, he didn’t participate but he waited in the shadows to see your face after you left the cathedral and was worth it

-> you dressed in the most elegant white dress with a bouquet full of beautiful flowers, and how your expression only show happiness with your new husband standing next to you while the guest congratulate the new couple

-> that’s the opposite of your previous wedding with him, the only person present was the priest who made you two married, the dress you wore was simple and he was wearing his usual clothes, still you were so happy to married him, but now you are marry to that man

-> not for long though, Claude will find his way to the top and bring you back home, where you will spend your life with his and your sweet daughter

@lyomeii stuff || don’t repost

#yandere headcanon #yandere imagine #yandere #yandere x reader #yandere x you #yandere male #yandere who made me a princess #claude de alger obelia x you #claude de alger obelia x reader #yandere Claude de Alger Obelia #who made me a princess x reader #who made me a princess #yandere manhwa

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its-wabby-stuff · 9 months

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By the Side of the Black Lake

I can’t remember how I found the lake, or when. But it was instantly mesmerizing.

The surface lay completely still, bordered by rocks on the east side and a glassy beach of soft sand on the west. There were no waves, no tide, I wasn’t even sure if it was water.

Just a black ink that spread out, shaped by the land, completely opaque. It didn’t feel natural, but it looked beautiful.

I could sit on the lake side for hours, just admiring it and it’s intensity. I wouldn’t dare to touch it. Things this peculiar in nature always came with some horrific price. A temperature hot enough to boil you alive, or completely melt the flesh off bones. (Like the sulphur springs in Yellowstone, except this didn’t smell of rotting eggs).

Things had been dropped into the lake before, but the surface was so dark, you would never be able to tell what happened to it. It would just disappear into the darkness. Things could float on the surface but the patterns never matched any typical current, it moved at its own leisure, as if the lake was playing with it. But just like everything else, it would eventually sink into the depths.

Sometimes things would wash up on shore, bones of birds and animals that had tried to swim. Unsettling to say the least.

Some believed the lake was cursed, but I was never one to believe in magic. Still, it was hard to shake that the lake felt- alive. It could feel happy and sad and angry, and the environment and the surface of the lake acted on these. Unpredictable as ever.

I was afraid. There were so many uncertainties visiting a lake like this. But it was practically impossible to ignore the strange comfort I got staring into the darkness, pondering its depths, and admiring its beauty.

Curiosity’s temptation always calls until it receives an answer.

I found myself visiting more and more frequently, and spending more and more time amongst the quiet solitude of the lake, although I never felt alone. It became a habit to visit the lake everyday. I’d bring a blanket and set up atop one of the rocks that presented the best view. I’d sketch, read, nap. I’d watch people come by with their own stories. They’d leave things for the lake. Throw things into the lake. Walk around the border. I’d hum and sing and whisper conversations to myself. It felt like someone was listening, and conversations with myself and some distant party became common.

I wanted to share ideas and stories and life, until speaking out loud became less to help myself understand and more for someone else to listen to.

I was always so careful to clean up after myself. Not leave anything behind. I didn’t want to upse- I didn’t want to lose something I might regret letting go of. But I guess I was distracted, lost in my head, and I forgot.

I only realized that I had when I went to visit the lake the next day. It was missing. I must’ve left it behind. I looked everywhere for it. Even places I had never actually visited by the lakeside. I searched and searched til the sun started to set.

I didn’t know what to do. Perhaps the lake had- no that’s impossible. The lake couldn’t have taken it. It’s up on the rocks. So someone else- but there was no one else around. I couldn’t have lost it.

Even if it didn’t have much monetary value, I had spent weeks by the lake side using it, and it didn’t feel right to not have it. I can’t believe I lost it, and I couldn’t help but cry at my own incompetence.

I hadn’t realized how close I’d gotten to the edge until it was too late, and one misstep caused me to fall into the lake. I only had a second to catch a breath before I was submerged into the darkness.

In moments that catch you off guard you find yourself doing things you never would’ve before. And I opened my eyes, not like it helped since I couldn’t see anything. I had no idea where I was and no sense of direction. The surface was missing, and panic began to settle deeper within me.

My mind began to focus on my breath, or the lack of breath. I hadn’t been ready to be submerged, and I could feel the choke hold my lungs had on me, begging me for more air. Air I couldn’t give it.

Was this it? Was this where I was to die. I suppose it could be worse. My flesh could be melting off my body, but the darkness was surprisingly tame. I wouldn’t say cold just as much as I wouldn’t say hot. It was- comforting. Like being held. And the darkness seemed to wrap itself around me. I couldn’t tell if it was trying to help, or trying to push me further down. But I was unwelcome either way.

I wasn’t sure how much longer I could hold my breath, but maybe there was no point holding onto something I couldn’t control. Maybe I should just-

Two massive orange- um- eyes appeared before me. One with a slash straight through. I swam backward, startled. What was this thing? Some sort of lake creature? I wasn’t even aware anything lived inside. I thought- this must be what eats the creatures that get stuck.

They got closer, and I tried moving away, but I was stuck. I couldn’t move, and the tugging and flailing of my arms was only met with resistance. The glowing eyes circled me, settling behind me and than looked up. Up! That was the surface!

I swam up as fast as I could, following the refracting orange light all the way. My lungs longed for another breath. I could feel it leaping in anticipating until finally, I breached the surface and gasped for air in a fit of coughs. Quickly, I swam toward the beach, pulling myself completely out of the lake and a little extra for good measure.

It was dark now, the final glitter of the sun settling behind the mountain. All the beauty the lake offered by day as an oddity left when given the dark abyssal nature it had by night. It looked as if nothing was there. As of the universe itself ended in this very spot.

I pulled my knees up to my chest as I tried to get myself to move. A wave brushed itself on the sand, over and over until something was left on the beach.

That was mine. What I’d been searching for! I found it or- it was returned to me. I looked out over the lake again. Quiet and still as ever.

———————-

I don’t know how comfortable @somerandomdudelmao is with fanfiction of their own persona, but the very intriguing idea of a sentient, completely black lake divined me with inspiration and I had to write out an idea. I tried to keep it mysterious in nature because I have a lot of unknown variables. I also wanted people to put themselves in these shoes, so this isn’t about me per se. I wanted the lake to be as inspiring as it is mysterious, trying to embody a bit of Cass in it.

#story time #the black lake #wabbystuffpost #long post #short story #open ended #Cass dropped more sona lore and I wanted to take advantage of it #y/n perspective #thanks for being inspiring #ideas breed more ideas #mysterious #story prompt #sentient lake

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lokavisi · 12 days

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So about two nights ago, I had a really solid conversation with Loki. A friend got some cues from him through their pendulum, we were both very confused, and then my wife (who barely gives a shit about the Guy lol) interprets this message so pristinely. It was like getting slapped upside the head when she gave her explanation. So I started free writing to continue the conversation more directly with Loki. There were a few big points made in this conversation.

First, he expressed frustration that, in spite of working with him for 4 years now, I still don't seem to "get" him. Like I keep coming to him to vent about some bullshit that's winding me up, he offers a suggestion to help me unwind, and then I brush it off or forget or just straight up ignore it. So he was like, "I've been telling you the same shit for 4 years now... It feels like you're just fundamentally ignoring all the parts of me that make me, ME." So...naturally I felt really fucking stupid and shitty.

Then he very lovingly affirmed that "this isn't me being facetious or angry or trying to put you down. I'm frustrated and irritated, yes, but surely you do realize by now that I fucking love you and you're stuck with me." This meant a lot to me more so than it might for others because my ADHD comes with mad rejection sensitivity dysphoria. Any time anyone says something that indicates some level of upset at me, my brain catastrophizes and breaks down because "clearly" it means they hate me. (This is basically never the case.) This leads me to the primary nugget of wisdom that came from this conversation.

I realized this whole time (once my wife interpreted the initial message) I was hearing him more clearly than I had in a long time. It was nearly as if a physical person sat next to me speaking. As the conversation was wrapping up, I made a note of this and asked, "Why do I feel l hear you clearest when you're frustrated with me?" We've had plenty of similar conversations, and when I look back at past moments when I simply couldn't deny the messages were coming from outside myself, he usually had some level of frustration with me. But to answer my question, he said:

"Because that's all you wanna hear. That's all you think you deserve. Even when you seek love or comfort and I provide, you don't always fully receive it. I try to be funny to cheer you up and you won't have it, just calling me stupid. You are terrible at receiving input that doesn't put you down or reinforce any negative thoughts you believe about yourself. So stop it. Seriously. Fucking stop believing bad shit about yourself."

He went on to talk about the rune readings I did for a bunch you on here (thanks again for the practice❤️), and how I should be pumping myself up from all the positive feedback I got from it. And we exchanged some jokes and "I love you"'s before calling it a night.

As per usual, I share my story in a giant block of text to remind everyone of what Loki reminded me: to not just take in the messaging that supports a negative view of yourself. Allow yourself to believe that you are the gods' gift to humanity. (I just heard him say, "Seriously. I do it all the time. It works wonders for your self-esteem." 😂❤️) Maybe that verbage doesn't have the greatest connotations, but the point is to think more highly of yourself. Believe in the power and confidence that you possess. Even if it doesn't feel like you have either of these things, fake it til you make it - until you realize they've been here this whole time.

I'm on this struggle bus, too, y'all. We're gonna find ourselves together. Hail Loki ❤️

#norse loki #loki deity #loki #lokean #heathen #heathenry #upg #deity relationships #deity work #we experience love here #adhd #rejection sensitive dysphoria #pagan #personal

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thatbanditqueen · 6 months

Text

Basic Training Chapter 7

Mad love to my alpha @whositmcwhatsit seriously your editing and feedback make this so much better. Also love and special thanks to my lovely elvis coven, @vintageshanny @ellie-24 @be-my-ally @peskybedtime @from-memphis-with-love @missmaywemeetagain @powerofelvis @be-my-ally @shakerattlescroll @lookingforrainbows and to @ab4eva for her sweetness, you were the only person to ask me about Bess on tumblr between now and the last chapter and I was like oh, I guess someone is still reading this. Which is good. Because I am still writing it. ;)

Thanks to everyone who reads this, shares, reblogs, leaves a comment or whatever. I write for myself, but I publish for community, and I don't think I could write with out your support and friendship.

Summary: Bess resigns to get over Elvis and move on, but he has other plans.

Warnings: Not much, depictions of mental illness/delusion.

WC: 6.5 K

If you need to catch up Chapter Six: Guided Missiles or the masterlist here Basic Training

Click here if you prefer to read on A03

Chapter 7: The Minefield

12:15 p.m., Friday, April 24th, 1958

Commissioned Officer’s Mess

Army Intelligence Training Unit, Fort Hood, TX

“I thought you were applying to law school?”

Bess let her straw drop out of her mouth to meet James’ concerned stare across the mahogany table.

“Um, I changed my mind.” Her eyes dropped back to her chocolate egg cream and she paused for a moment. The sound of glasses clinking and hushed conversations reverberated through the Army Intelligence officer’s club. “I kinda dropped the ball on writing my sample essay. And,ugh, I haven't been able to focus at all on studying for the entrance exam.” Bess trailed her shoe anxiously across the burgundy carpet, she hated admitting that she had given up on lawyer school. “It’s just temporary, a temporary pause. No, for now, I think a year or two working for the state department is the best next step. I’ve always wanted to spend time in Europe..”

“But Helsinki, Bess?” James reached over to comfort her with a hand squeeze, but she pulled loose and went back to eating her pot roast lunch.

“Finland is a stepping stone.I could be working in Berlin next summer. And Helsinki has a lot of international action. It’s right next to St. Petersburg.”

“This sudden need to go to the coldest burg in Europe wouldn’t have anything to do with a certain tall, dark soldier who’s been doing extra laps around the barracks every day, would it?”

Bess lifted her thick, white cotton napkin to obscure the blush spreading up her cheeks. “I saw that he’s had extra PT, I’ve been wondering what happened.”

“Oh? I thought for sure that was all you and your front office connections, getting back at Presley — “

“Jameson, I would never abuse my position in the Front Office for revenge. You know how basic training is. Drill sergeants use any excuse to tear you apart just so they can build you back up again. He probably was late to inspection, or maybe he tried to protest extra push ups, and now it’s marathon time everyday til he’s learned his lesson.”

“Hmmm, must be. Though I don’t feel even the teensiest twinge of sympathy for him after that stunt he pulled on you? Think it would look suspicious if he got run over by a jeep? In his barracks?” James winked at Bess/

“Ha, just say you made a wrong turn.” Bess chuckled, but her smile quickly faded into a sigh.

She speared a potato with her fork, looking at it as if it had the answer to life’s secrets like a magic eight ball. Maybe all she needed to do was turn potato over and around until it revealed her fate. Sadly, no messages turned up, and she laid it back on her plate.

“Thing is, I knew he had other girlfriends. I just wished he’d called and canceled our plans instead of leaving me hanging to find out another way. The most humiliating way.”

“Maybe he couldn’t get away to call? Or forgot your number? Have you seen him at all?”

Bess shook her head, sipping her drink again. “Uh uh. But I’ve been avoiding him. What am I supposed to say? It hurt my feelings that you put the kibosh on our night together for a pajama party with one of your steady girlfriends?“ Her eyes met James. “But, uh, he knows my number, though. He called that Monday, after she left town. And several other times.”

“What did he say?”

“I don’t know, I have Kay on switchboard duty. She has strict instructions to inform male callers that I’m not home.”

“You oughta talk to him, honey, let him have it.”

“I’d rather not, I - I, it was, uh. The whole thing felt so icky, I never want to feel that way again. It took me back to last summer and Be. Except, this time, I’m the other woman and I know all about his girlfriend back in Memphis.” Bess put down her fork, unable to eat anymore. “I think my picker is broken, James. I’m destined to be alone.”

“But are you supposed to be alone in Helsinki?”

“I’m actually excited to be single in Helsinki.” James raised his eyebrows. “What? The city is is pretty hip!They just hosted the Olympics. Lots of people live there from all over the world. After Berlin, it is one of the top hubs for working with the Ruskies.”

“Ok, ok, I get it, you hussy, you’ll probably be able to play patty cake with an assortment of good looking European men. I just can’t believe you are abandoning me, it’s so selfish. I’m almost ready to swear I’ll never buy another Presley record.”

“I’m not leaving because of him!” Bess huffed at the way James arched his eyebrow higher and straightened her napkin over her skirt. Aggressively. “I swear, how many times do I have to tell you, he’s just helped me get the perspective I needed. The straw that broke the camel’s back. I gotta get out of this place before I wind up like Mabel.”

James sniffed as he motioned to the waiter. “Mabel seems happy, could be worse.”

“Yeah, well, I’m not. But you might be out of here before me. I only just sent in my application materials, you know how these civilian posts can be. If I make the first cut, I still have to do a round of phone interviews,an in-person one, a thorough background check. Why, I probably won’t head out until the summer. If I get it.”

James quirked his mouth and whistled when they stood to leave and shook his head.

“Seems like such a waste to store all your resources behind a desk. Should be out, serving our country at USO shows.”

Bess slapped James shoulder, then straightened his jacket, smoothing her hand over his medals.

“Jameson, stop. Do you talk to the debutantes back in Rhode Island like this? You know, half the officers in here are probably my father’s spies. Keep whistling at me like that, they’ll convince him we’re an item.” She grabbed her purse and put her gloves back on. “Besides, I am not exactly the type who likes performing or attention.:

He looked her over once again, making an exaggerated show of appreciation for the way that Bess’ smart tweed pencil skirt hugged her hips.

“Oh, but that’s what makes you such a knockout, Bessie Girl. Why don’t we get married, huh? We could travel the world together, life would never be boring. We’d have great looking, smart kids.”

Bess put her finger to James’ lips, looking into the hazel eyes that glimmered below his perfectly coiffed honey blonde hair.

“I wish I could. I can’t marry someone I don’t love, not in the way I love you anyway.It’s no good, we’d end up ruining our friendship.”

James slid his arm through Bess’ as he led them out of the officer’s club. “I suppose you’re right, Schwartz, but if you ever get desperate and want to be married to a dashing officer who’d never leave you for another woman, the offer stands.”

“This is no time to be getting married, Jameson. I’m sure you’ll want to enjoy the local flavor in Heidelberg.”

“Hmm, yeah, no matter the gene pool, it’s gotta be better than this dump.”

Bess smoothed her hair once they were outside and turned to James. He looked so handsome in his dashing officer’s uniform, cap under his arm. He was probably the best looking, wealthiest man to ever propose to her, even in jest. She really would miss him once they left Fort Hood. Bess gripped James arm tighter before they parted, and smiled.

“No kidding, I can’t wait to put Fort Hood and Elvis and everything in my rear view mirror. Get a fresh start in gorgeous, romantic Helsinki-town, city of dreams.”

“I thought that was Paris?”

“Nope, pretty sure it’s Helsinki. Though I understand why you’re confused, Helsinki is the Paris of the Baltic Sea.”

“No one calls it that.”

“Sure they do, I’m starting it now.”

James smiled, fixing his uniform cap back on his head. “Ha, ok. Well, as they say in Helsinki, au revoir.”

*********************************************

Bess’ fresh start suddenly seemed a million miles away when she glimpsed Elvis Presley running round the base. It had only taken a few minutes after she got into her father’s Oldsmobile before she recognized Elvis’ tall, perspiring figure jogging around the circular track behind the PX. There he was, in his sweat-soaked tee-shirt, dog tags jingling over his chest, running towards them in the dusk of sunset.

It struck her for a moment how odd it was for the drill sergeants to have him do laps out here on the road near the gate instead of closer to the 37th tank division. They must be making a public example of him, she thought, having him do laps out here as people drive past on a main road out of the base.

It was working, he looked absolutely miserable and exhausted. The cold grimace he had fixed on his face pulled on Bess’ heartstrings, and she felt a compulsory urge to go comfort him. But then she remembered why she’d cut him loose, and nodded to herself, reaffirming how wise she was protecting herself from further heartache. It wasn’t easy.

She got so captivated watching him take off his cap and wipe his forehead as they got closer, that she suddenly realized he was about to run by her car and had to quickly duck down flat against the bench seat to avoid being seen.

“Ilsa, whatever are you doing?”

Bess popped up with a squeak, looking over her shoulder at Elvis’ figure running away behind them, then stuttered to her father. “I, um, I dropped my lipstick on the floor is all, Papa.”

Dinner was pleasant enough. Mama served tuna noodle casserole and followed it with a cherry cream cheese jello mold. It was comforting to Bess to think these were recipes any other family on the block might be eating tonight. Though she doubted whether the other mothers were wearing a matching red dress and explaining the deep meaning behind the color red, and how powerful color it is, one that can provide all the strength and nourishment they needed. Bess did concede that cherry Jell-O tasted like what she thought the color red might taste like.

And if a lecture on the spiritual nature of red Jell-o was the most occult Mama got tonight, then tonight was a good night.

After eating, Bess changed into a more comfortable, simple light blue house dress, and was trying to calculate how long it had been since Mama had one of her episodes as she walked downstairs, when she heard Kay on the phone.

“Well, no Rex, I guess I’m not doing anything. Well, sure, gee whiz, yeah, I know a few friends who’d flip their lids at the chance. You bet, meet you there at 8!”

Bess turned the corner at the bottom of the landing, and gripped the polished circular handrail as Kay spun around with a wide, beaming grin. Her sister halted suddenly and tripped forward with a gasp when she caught Bess’s stare.

“Was that Elvis’ bunk mate, Rex?”

Kay gulped. “Mhmmm, I did like you told me, and said you - you weren’t home.”

Bess crossed her arms. “So what, now you’re going out with them?”

“Well, I - he - I heard Elvis tell him to invite me and any other friends to meet them at the movie theatre on post. It’s, it’s, not a date, it’s a group-like thing.”

Bess took a deep sigh. Miles Davis wafted out from behind the closed door of their father’s office at the back of the house, and she could hear her mother doing the dishes. Bess had come down to help clean up, and had planned to spend her Friday evening at home. She thought she might read or watch TV, play a game of gin rummy with Mama. Anything to take her mind off of Elvis. And now here her sister was, running out to go meet him!

“I cannot believe he invited you out.”

“And why is that? You’re not the only charming, good looking girl around here, Bess.”

“That’s not what I was saying, Kay. What kind of guy invites out the sister of a girl - a girl - a girl he’d been riding around with? You aren’t seriously thinking of going? What about Dickie?”

“It’s not like that. Cuz, - it’s - it’s not a date. Why, they’re getting a gang together. Rex said I should bring some other girls. I’m about to call Carol and Tracy. If you think I’m gonna deprive them of the chance to meet Elvis Presley, you got another thing coming. Why, you always keep him all to yourself.” Kay huffed, and put her hands on her hips. “It’s not a date. You could come if you wanted, you know.”

Bess squeezed her hands into tight fists, squelching her sudden intense desire to slap her sister.

“You know exactly why I won’t be doing that, I told you how things went with him and you are smart enough to know he is probably doing this to upset me. And you’re helping him! My own sister. Kay Brutus Schwartz.”

Kay’s face fell, and she met Bess in the middle of the hallway. “It’s not like that at all. Please don’t be mad, Bess, but me and my friends, we have all his albums. You can’t hold it against me for wanting to go. It’s not like I asked, he - ”

Bess brushed Kay’s hand from her shoulder and stomped off in a huff, her anger powered her through an incredibly fast cleaning session in the kitchen.

Mama dried the last plate Bess handed her, then put her arms around Bess at the sink. “See, Bessie baby, all that red Jell-o gave you the energy and focus you needed. I’ll get you some red silk underwear for your new job, I saw some in the Montgomery Ward catalog. Or were they red flannel long johns? Well, you’ll need both in Helsinki.”

*********************************************

Bess had frowned as Kay traipsed out the door to meet her friends when Carol pulled up in her mother’s yellow DeSoto. At first she took her book upstairs and sat at the window, watching for Kay’s return around 10 p.m.

By 10:30, she had moved to the porch, where she sat up on the bench hugging her knees and trying to read while she waited to catch her sister and pump her for information outside where their parents wouldn’t hear them.

Yawning, she was just straightening the bows on her white house slippers when she turned to see a car pulling up in front of the house. But this was not Carol’s mother’s yellow DeSoto. It was a white Cadillac. And she made the mistake of looking up long enough to note the row of guys in the back seat and make eye contact with Elvis as he parked.

Fuck, Bess muttered to herself staring back into her book, unable to focus her eyes on any of the words. In her periphery, she watched Elvis jump out and race around the front of his car, loosely putting his arm around a giddy, smiling Kay as he walked her up the path to the front porch.

Bess took a deep breath, accepting that there was nothing she could do, that she was stuck out here with her hair in a messy bun wearing a house dress and slippers. So, she braced herself and stood to confront the most famous man in the world.

The cool night air was no comfort to the heated temper rising in her chest as Elvis walked up the stairs in front of her, his fingers now spread over Kay’s shoulder. His eyes narrowed, and a smirk played over his face.

“Hellooooo there Bess, ain’t you sweet, coming out here to greet me.”

“Hmmmm.” Bess nodded, curtly, exhaling at Kay’s sheepish grin.

“Well, I enjoyed our date tonight, Kitty Kat, didju?” He gave Kay’s shoulder a rub and Kay laughed nervously at his nickname, glancing back at Bess as she untangled herself from Elvis’ grip.

“Oh, well, it was a gas to meet you and the whole gang,” Kay made a show of waving at the car, “Tell Rex thanks for the Coke and candy.”

Elvis ran his hand through his hair.“Uh, well, I wudda bought you all the Cokes you wanted, I just -”

Bess interrupted him. “Let me guess, you forgot your wallet?”

“Yeah, guess that’s happened before.” Elvis chuckled.

“Ahem, Kitty Kat is it?” Bess raised her eyes at her sister. “Probably time you were in bed, little girl. I have a few words I need to have with your date, here.”

Kay coughed and avoided Bess’ intense look of death as she thanked Elvis for a fun night. He grabbed her hand, making eye contact with Bess over Kay’s shoulder and he hugged her sister and gave her a soft peck on the cheek. Kay hung in his embrace for several beats, then scuttled away to leave Elvis with Bess’s cool stare

“You have some nerve.”

Elvis took a step toward her, “Aw, Bess, now see, when you act like this it makes me think you still like me.”

“Is that ri-ight?” Her voice wavered as he took a step toward her with his shoulders back, head forward, rubbing the back of his neck. She stumbled back a few steps, distracted by the way his eyes pierced her from under his eyebrows.

“See, you actin’ like ya jealous, honey. But you ain’t playin’ fair.“

“Really. I don’t play fair?”

“Uh uh.” Now he was hovering over her, backing her into the front of the house, his lower lip hanging open as he leaned over her. “You play hot one day, then cool the next. Won’t take my calls, but now ya jealous. Playin’ games s’what it is, and I can’t stand chicks who play games.”

“Ha!” Bess had meant her declaration to be a lot more forceful than how it came out as a muffled breath into the dark, red fisherman’s sweater Elvis was wearing. Of course! Of course his sweater was red. It sucked all Bess’ strength right out of her. And her resolve. She tried for dear life to hang on to the painful embarrassment that had punched her in the gut when she met Anita.

“You’re - you’re - you had - you’re the one who -”

Elvis’ hand was at her waist, and his thumb pressed over her belly button.

“Sshhh. I know, I missed our date.”

Bess mumbled toward her shoes. “Well, I wouldn’t call a party in a cheap motel room a date by any me-“

Elvis’ pursed his lips in a grin as he brought his other hand to Bess’ cheek, his eyes gleaming as she shivered in him. He tilted her chin to meet his eyes. Bess tried to shake him off, but couldn’t, she was spellbound by the pair of dark blue eyes above her.

She reminded herself that there was an audience of grown men watching them from his back seat. Then she thought she saw the curtain at the front window ripple and realized Kay was probably leaning against the wall inside, spying on them. She thought about how Elvis had invited her sister out, at the very least to get her attention, or at worst, to make her jealous. She thought about how she had sworn to her best friend hours ago that she never wanted to see Elvis Presley again. She tried to grasp at all these things and more as Elvis stepped closer to her, and shifted his arm over her against the wall. But suddenly thinking was very difficult. Elvis’ thumb circled the button at the waist of her cotton house dress.

“OK, ok,well, when you say it like that, sounds awful. Definitely weren’t no date. Still, Kitty Kat told me how upset you’ve been. And I know I shudda called you.” Elvis took a deep breath, and coughed. “ And, well, that gal came down and surprised the hell outta me, is what happened. I didn’t invite her, now that’s the god’s honest truth. But, well, put me in an awful bind and I couldn’t get away to call you. Wudda much rather spent the weekend with you, Moo Moo.”

His breath was warm on her neck, and the way he murmured her nickname was like a sultry saxophone solo. Bess closed her eyes as it rolled over her body, giving her goosebumps. His whisper was full of vulnerable need and Bess couldn’t believe that she actually felt bad for him, as if she were to blame for everything.

“I - I - I’m sorry.”

“Nah, honey, I reckon, if I’m honest with ma self, you have every right to be sore at me. But you havta give a man the chance to defend hisself. Tell me now, don’t a man deserve a chance to splain?”

There was his thumb, gliding over the front of her stomach, rubbing back and forth.

“Really, I wasn’t trying to play games.”

“I know, Moo Moo. I know’d you weren’t really like that, else I wouldn’t be here.” He leaned in, pressing his open lips to the corner of her jaw, soft and delicate as he continued his whispers. “Though I don’t know if I could stay away even if you were the devil, baby. Ain’t been able to stop thinking about you.” His mouth was warm on her neck. “You, and only you.”

His touch sent a wave of feverish heat through her body, and Bess didn’t care if he was lying, all she knew was that she would willingly go back to his motel room with him right now in her flimsy white house slippers and all. However, before she could make that suggestion, she heard the front door open and she jumped up instantly, pushing Elvis away at the sight of her father’s silhouette in the dim porch light.

“Elizabeth, it’s cold out tonight. Why don’t you invite your guest inside?”

Bess swallowed hard, glancing up at Elvis, whose cool demeanor and friendly smile belied the fingers she could see tapping against his thigh through his pocket. She looked out at the car, then up at the dark sky, shaking her head to herself.

“ Hi Papa, this is, uh - ”

Elvis stood up straight and jerked his hand out as he strode to shake her father’s hand.

“Uh, good evening, Sir, I’m Elvis, Elvis Presley.”

“Yes, I’ve been expecting to meet you for some time now.” Bess’ mouth dropped open. Before she could find the words to protest, her father was putting his arm around Elvis and guiding him inside. “I understand you and Ilsa have been spending a lot of time together, jah?”

*********************************************

“Can I pour you a whiskey?” The table lamp flickered as Bess’ father walked by, his calm words trailed behind him on his way to the bar.

Elvis sat at the edge of the couch patting his hand to a silent rhythm and then bouncing up again to pace over to the hi-fi set.

“Naw, jus a Pepsi - or a Big Red, honey.” Bess glared at him as he looked up at her from where he perched in front of the record player. “Bessie. I mean, Eliz-a-bess.”

Bess frowned as Elvis popped open the concealed door in the sound system’s speakers and proceeded to rifle through her father’s LP collection. Her father arched his eyebrow, muttering in German that the boy seemed to know his way around and feel quite at home, jah? Bess was asking Rex and Lamar what they wanted when Mama floated into the living room, swaying the skirt of her red dress back and forth, a dreamy look in her face. Bess froze, looking around the room, then scuttling over to her mother and latching her arm around Mama’s waist, whispering in her ear.

“Mama - Hi Mama, I thought you went upstairs to relax?”

The boys all stood up as Mama patted Bess on the shoulder. “Bess, you’re making the lamps all buzzy, stop buzzing around and introduce me to your friends.”

Bess sighed and then froze when Elvis walked over and took her mother’s hand, kissing the top.

“Evening, ma’am, I’m Elvis, Elvis Presley, s’a pleasure to meet you, I can see where your daughters get their good looks from, if you don’t mind me saying so.”

Mama giggled and blushed. “Ha, well, you are charming. The faeries told me Bessie had a new beau, but they didn’t say he was handsome.” Bess’ face went white as she tried to guide her mother to the big orange leather chair in the corner, but Mama swatted her hands away. “Bess, I said to quit fussin’. Go get our guests something to drink.”

Every cell in Bess’ body was on high alert, and she rubbed at her throat trying quell the nauseous, tight feeling that now plagued her stomach. Bess had not brought Ben, her former fiancee, home to meet her family until he had asked her to marry him. At that point, they had already been going steady for two months, she had trusted Ben completely and had given him a thorough debriefing on Mama and the family dynamics. She had known Elvis a month. ANd spent the last two weeks hating him.

Elvis returned her mother’s hand and flashed Bess a warm, crooked reassuring smile. Rex and Lamar gathered next to him making their awkward introductions, before Papa walked over and offered Mama his hand, tilting his head at Kay.

“Come sit with me, Emily, let the boys relax. Katherine, you get the drinks.”

Bess followed Kay into the hall. “I’ll get it, Kay, I -uh - I was gonna make Mama a special cup of tea - “

“I got it, I know how to do it. You go back in there.” Kay winked, and left Bess to sigh as she took a deep breath and resigned herself to face whatever was waiting for her in the living room.

Elvis sat on the edge of the couch trying to stop his knee from bopping up and down with the palm of his hand, already in conversation with Bess’ father.

“Jah, I started off in the German division, but now I oversee all intelligence training.”

Elvis’ eyes widened and he seemed grateful to see Bess walk back into the room and hit Lamar to clear the seat next to him on the couch. Bess shook her head and sat at the piano bench, trying to think of how to change the subject.

“Papa, I imagine the boys are tired after a long week and - “

“Oh Bessie, don’t send them away!” Mama waved her off as she got up and happily plopped into the clear spot next to Lamar, shooting Bess a playful frown. “You never bring friends over any more, it’s a breath of fresh air having young people over. Want any leftover tuna noodle casserole?”

A momentary grimace passed over Elvis’ face as he declined, and Bess' father coughed.

“Too bad we don’t have any meatloaf, perhaps zat would have suited you better.”

“Actually, mister, I’m bout plumb fed up with meatloaf, EP’s been ordering - “ Lamar stopped talking at the sight of Elvis’ eyebrow, arched in warning.

“Well, Bess makes a great meatloaf, you boys will have to come back for dinner sometime. I’ll get her to cook it up for you.” Mama bowed her head with certainty as she spoke, turning Elvis’ hand over in her lap as if to read his fortune. “Elvis, such an unusual name. What does it mean?”

“Ugh, well, ma’am.” Elvis scooted back against the arm rest, turning in to face Bess’ mother more directly. “I have been told it means someone who is uh, very wise.” He winked over at Bess as she rolled her eyes. Kay returned, and she bounced up to assist in handing out the drinks.

“I’ve never heard the name Elvis before tonight, is it common where you’re from?”

Lamar gasped. “You never heard ‘a Elvis?”

“No, why, should I? Do you all work with Henry in Intel?”

Elvis shook his head. “No, no ma’am, Rexadus here and I, well, we’re new recruits, and Lamar right here is jus’ a ole friend of mine, visiting.”

Mama smiled big. “Oh, well, if you think I would have heard of you from Bess, you have another thing coming. She’s a sphinx, that one, never tells me anything about anything.I have to get all my gossip from the wind.”

“Elvis is a famous performer, mama. They’re surprised you’ve never heard of him because he is on the radio. And the movies.”

“Oh, is that true? Would I know any of your music?”

Just then, the phone in Papa’s office began to ring and he stood up to excuse himself, muttering in German that he would hardly call it music. Bess exhaled a chuckle at the curious look on Elvis’ face.

“I’m guessing that weren’t a rousin’ endorsement from ya daddy,huh ?”

She shook her head, and Mama clucked.

“Oh, Henry didn’t get enough red food tonight, don’t mind him. You know, you’re not the first song and dance man I’ve met. When I was a girl - “

“-I met Eddie Cantor when he sang at Zeyde’s theatre on Coney Island.” Bess and Kay exclaimed in unison with a grin.

Bess relaxed as the room filled with warm laughter and she almost felt like they were a normal family, teasing and chiding each other as they entertained guests.

“Oy, well, it’s true, you boys have heard of Eddie Cantor, haven’t you?” Mama grinned at their nods, and took it as her cue to keep talking between sips of tea. “Well, I was just a kid when he was first making it big in New York. And my father had this vaudeville theater, and we met all sorts of acts working their way up the circuit. Baby Rose Marie, Bert WIlliams, Jimmy Durante, and, of course, a lot of nobodies trying to be somebodies. Eddie was probably the most successful guy to come through our place. Boy, was he handsome! Tall, dark hair, those big gorgeous eyes, like two rounds of chocolate.”

“Mama, zey ton nisht veln tsu hern vegn deyn shule meydl krashiz.”

“Oh, Bess thinks I shouldn’t share these things. She thinks I’m an old lady, that I don’t have blood pulsing in my veins. But I’ve always appreciated a good looking man.” Mama patted Elvis' knee. “Still do.” Then all of a sudden she swayed into Elvis' shoulder, her eyelids fluttering before she slumped on his shoulder.

“Ma’am? Ya ok? I’ve had girls swoon before, though they usually heard a me.”

Bess jumped up and looked over at her sister. “How much did you put in her tea, Kay?”

“Just a tablespoon.”

“It’s supposed to be a teaspoon!” Bess growled through clenched teeth as she felt her mother’s pulse, and tried to unfurl her mother’s arm from around Elvis’ shoulder.

“I’ll take her up - “

“Aw, honey - s’ok, want me to - “

“ - Well, it was an easy mistake.” Kay hovered behind Bess, and stomped her foot.

Mama’s eyelids fluttered back open for a moment and she looked up into Elvis' face. “You know, you have a beautiful aura, Alvis, I can tell you are a good person - Bess, if you don’t marry him, I will.”

Bess gulped, and looked at Kay. “Help me get her up the stairs?”

Before they could do anything, Elvis lifted Mama and nodded at Bess. “Jus lead the way, ‘k Bess honey? Boys, y’all go on out to the car, and we’ll get outta ya hair ‘fore you say lickety splickety.”

Lamar sighed with relief and could not get through the hallway fast enough, almost knocking the telephone off the little desk as he passed. Rex, however, hung back, gathering up the bottles of pop and taking them to the kitchen behind Kay, looking back to nod at Elvis in a silent offer to help. Elvis shook his head and followed Bess up the stairs.

“Alright, now, Mrs. Schwartz, ma’am, ya gonna be snug as a bug in a rug, jus you wait.”

Elvis set Mama down in her bed carefully, gently taking her hands and placing them at her sides. Mama opened her eyes and trailed her fingers over the sharp edge of Elvis' crew cut, smiling dreamily as she asked “Almond” if he would marry her.

“Ya so sweet and beautiful, I would, I would if I could, ma’am.”

Tears welled up behind Bess’ eyes as she watched the tender way Elvis kissed her mother’s cheek and squeezed her hand before she passed out. They exchanged a long look, and Bess blushed.

“I’m sorry you had to see all this, I’m so embarrassed. You didn’t have to stay and help me - “

Elvis rubbed her shoulder. “Honey, I wanted to help, I like helping folks. Ain’t nuthin to be shamed of. Really Moo Moo, wouldn’t be here if I didn’t want to. An getting to spend my night with the prettiest lil gal in town, why, that’s just the icing on the cake.” His face scrunched into a big grin as he held her, and bess nodded into the comfy wook of his red sweater.

Elvis stood in the doorway, watching curiously as Bess took off her mother’s shoes and tucked her under the large, homemade victory quilt that they had sewn from old clothes during the war. It was the only blanket Mama would sleep with, and for Bess, it evoked that time in her childhood when Papa was overseas doing things he couldn’t talk about and Mama was the strongest woman she could imagine.

Now, as she looked down at her mother and smoothed hair out of her face, it was Mama who resembled a little girl, finally relaxed and at ease as she started to snore. Her sleeping face free from the cares and mysteries of the world. Bess kissed her mother on the forehead, and turned to find Elvis waiting for her in the doorway. His blue eyes seemed to penetrate her soul, as his thumb rubbed the side of her shoulder.

“Holdin’ it all together, ain’t ya Moo Moo. I see you. I really do.”

Bess shuddered at his touch, wiping the side of her eyes.

“I, um, I. Well, you caught us on a bad night, Almond.”

He chuckled, drawing her into his arms and kissing the top of her forehead.

“Nah, ain’t nothing bad about anything.” The sides of his crinkled as he smirked. “Almond, huh. maybe ya mama there is on to sumpin. Might sell more records and movie tickets if I changed my name to Almond instead. Tell you what, wudda made it harder for the Army to find me.”

“Yes.” She took his hand and led him back down the stairs.”Though you would have missed out on your freel vacation here at beautiful Fort Hood.”

They were back on her porch, and Elvis was clasping her hand tight. He looked out at the darkness, and at his car on the street, then over the garden, before turning back to hover over Bess, hands resting at her waist.

“Wudda missed out on meeting you, honey. Ya my silver lining. Tonight, being here with you, I know it now for certain that fate brought us together.”

Bess turned her head to listen to the crickets, wondering if they had any advice on how to defy fate. Especially when fate distracted you from all common sense by nuzzling your forehead.

“Elvis - I - “

His lips were at her ear as he drew her closer. “Aw, Moo Moo, I cain’t bear to think I made you cry. I mean it.” His thumbs rolled up and down Bess’ sides. ”I promise, ain’t ever let that happen again. I swear. Cuz I need ya, honey, been thinking ‘bout you all the time.”

Bess couldn’t resist the way his eyes lit up with hopeful vulnerability, it made her feel like she was the one who had wronged him by withdrawing her company from him.

“I - I think about you too.” She cupped his cheek. “I’ve seen you doing laps every evening, are you doing okay?”

Elvis huffed and pinched her side. “Oh, yeah, you know me. Every morning, those drill sergeants find a reason to be cross at me, makin’ me do extra PT. But ain’t nothin I can’t handle.”

Bess nodded. Then Elvis’ hands tightened all the way around her, constricting her so tight she almost couldn’t breath, before parting with a soft, chaste farewell kiss and a vague promise to call her the next day.

Bess was humming to herself as she turned off the porch light and locked the door behind her, stopping short when she saw her father come out of his office.

“Everything ok, Papa?’

“Jah, jah. That was just the secure line, a call from D.C.” He straightened his sweater, coughing as he took in the dim quiet of their house. “Ze hound dog has run off, I take it?”

“He’s not so bad, you know.” Bess shifted and looked at her feet, unable to stop the smile at the corner of her mouth. “The drill sergeants have really had it out for him this last week. He’s been running extra PT and they put him on latrine duty. Must have pissed off the wrong person.”

Bess stopped talking, noticing that her father’s face had soured into a tight grimace. She had probably been right not to tell her parents that she had been seeing Elvis. This would be tough, now there was nothing she could do now.

“Jah, that boy did piss off the wrong person. Me. You would be wise to cut your ties with him, Elizabeth, he does not respect women. And you have a bright future ahead of you. I might expect Katherine to be dazzled by this flash of Memphis. But you are too smart for all that. I would hate to see you lose focus on your goals to run around with a boy who brings his hoochie coochie girlfriends to town and flaunts them in your face.”

Bess was silent as her father pursed his lips, nodding, then said good night. She listened to the sound of his footsteps as he walked up stairs, her mind racing as she tried to figure out how he had found out about Elvis. About the debacle with Anita. About all of it.

The disappointment she had seen in her father’s eyes crushed her, and Bess tossed and turned in her bed all night trying to figure out how she could make him understand that she could have fun and still go after her goals. It was the thought of Elvis’ long thumbs caressing her body that finally calmed her down. The memory of his touch was like her own personal dose of benzodiazepine, it made her forget all her problems and give herself over to the sandman.

********************************************************************

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XOXOX norahhhhhhh

#elvis presley #elvis fanfiction #elvis x oc #elvis #elvis presley fanfiction #army elvis fort hood elvis 1958 elvis

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silver-ink-iron-words · 2 years

Text

“Are you happy, in this relationship?”

The protagonist’s entire body stilled. “Of course.”

“Really? Because I’m not.”

The two of them were in the most romantic setting the protagonist could think of – a little boat winding lazily down a gentle river, shaded by lush forest on both sides. It was bathed in the soft golds and pinks of early evening.

“I can be better,” the protagonist said.

But their soulmate only smiled. “That’s impossible, dear. You’re already perfect.”

The protagonist’s chest tightened as though boulders were piling atop it.

“You’re smart,” the soulmate went on. “You’re kind. You get my sense of humour. And you have this way of viewing everything . . . [Protagonist], it’s breathtaking to see the world from your eyes.”

“Then why are we having this conversation?”

“You’re my perfect puzzle piece. The matching shoe . . . all that dumb stuff they said about soulmates. But this . . .” They gestured to the romantic scenery. “I wasn’t meant for this.”

The protagonist stared at the slow churning water. “Are you breaking up with me?”

The soulmate gave an infuriating shrug. “I don’t know.”

“Well, alright then.” The protagonist laughed, tight and bitter. “Just tell me when you decide whether or not you’re going to ruin my life.”

“See, this is what I hate about having a soulmate. About being a soulmate. Why do I have to be this wonderful, amazing thing for someone else? The thing you need to live, apparently. Why can’t I just be a person?”

“I never asked you to stop being a person.”

“I’m not making myself clear.” The soulmate sighed. “Just, doesn’t it strike you as odd that they never presented this soulmate thing to us as a choice? Like, of course we were destined to find each other. Of course we’d want to be together forever.”

“Well yeah. That’s what a soulmate is.”

“You’re never just . . . absolutely furious that no one ever told us there were other ways to be happy? That we didn’t have to do this?”

“You’re still not making sense. What could be better than a soulmate?”

“I don’t know. Dinner parties. Family road trips. A bunch of friends sitting around a campfire, getting high together ’til the sun comes up.”

“Those are all things the two of us can do together.”

“But they’re also things we can do with everyone else. Fuck, [Protagonist]. Give me one reason why I have to value one person over literally everybody else in my life. Why do people always insist that I need a soulmate?” Their eyes glistened, and their voice was hitched. Almost pleading. “Sometimes I feel like I’m getting fucking brainwashed.”

“Right. Because loving your own soulmate is brainwashing.”

The soulmate leveled a stare at them. “Do you even love me?”

“Excuse me?”

“You’re good at hiding it. And you never take it out on me. Which, in my own way, I love you for. But I’ll see the dark circles under your eyes. And the moments when you go really quiet. And the mornings where we wake up together, and I can tell that it actually hurts you to talk to me.”

“[Soulmate] . . .”

“Tell me right now that you’re happy, and I’ll believe you.” Their eyes bore into the protagonist. “I’ll never question you on it again.”

The protagonist paused. They had what they wanted, right?

The soulmate seemed to imagine an alternative life for themself full of people and community. But in the protagonist’s darkest hours of the night, they imagined . . .

The mud soft beneath their boots, the invigorating rain splashing their face. The smell of rich, dark soil. The sound of wind in the treeline. Of twittering, of rustling, of life. The budding spring branches, reaching like children’s hands up into the infinite sky.

The protagonist, alone. Just them and the wide-open world. It wasn’t lonely, never lonely. It was a freedom, the likes of which they’d never actually known.

But still.

The protagonist peered steadily at the person they’d always been fated for.

I can’t be the fuckup who couldn’t make it work even with my own soulmate.

“I’m happy,” the protagonist lied.

----

Loosely inspired by this post by @aromantic-spinda

A-spec stories taglist:

@feline17ff , @piept , @doublericenobeans , @vioqueenofmushrooms , @pigeonwhumps , @thelazywitchphotographer

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stayevildarling · 1 month

Text

Miranda Priestly x Wilhemina Venable x Reader- Dragon meets Purple, Pt 5

word count: 1.2k

tw: hints of smut

taglist: @lunaticwhittaker, @billiebeanhoward, @lanawinters-ily, @kenzbro, @minaslittleone, @httpfiftyshadesofgay,@whitelotus00, @ninaahs, @vintagepaulson,@isle-of-earle,@paulsonsratched, @stepintomyworld, @grilledcheeseandguavajelly, @lucyintheskywithxanax, @fanfics4world, @mymiraclewitch, @hazard-to-myself, @awritersometime

In the days that follow, Miranda finds herself increasingly drawn to you. The memory of the heated conversation with Wilhemina still lingering on her mind, feeling a desire she struggles to suppress.

However, the attempts Miranda made so far were unsuccessful. Emily had been unusually demanding this week, causing for you to run around pretty much all day, doing errands, meetings and other things.

Despite you being usual flirty especially with both of them, you somehow didn't even notice Miranda's tries. The attention she had tried to give you this week. The times she asked you how you were, even invited you for coffee and even a subtle hand on your thigh under the table of meetings or a hand on your shoulder as you organised her desk the other day.

Miranda grows frustrated at first, thinking you had in fact no desire for her. However, Wilhemina made sure to remind the other woman how much you had worked this week and of your interest and flirting to begin with.

Tonight Miranda is determined to finally make her intentions clear as she decides to take matters into her own hands. It was the evening now and Miranda made sure to pass some tasks onto Emily, so she would finally stop bossing you around. As everyone had left for the night, even Wilhemina, as the last traces of daylight faded from the New York sky, Miranda gets ready for her move.

With precision, she approaches your desk, her gaze fixates on you. ,,Y/N'' Miranda murmurs, her voice low and seductive. ,,I need to see you in my office''.

You look up from your computer, buried in some tasks up til now, your brow furrowing. ,,Now Miranda?'' only noticing now how late it was.

,,Now'' Miranda insist, her tone leaving no room for arguing.

Following Miranda, you feel the blood pumping through your veins, especially as she closes the door behind you. She walks over to the windows, closing the blinds, suddenly her office feeling private.

Without a word Miranda crosses the room, her movement purposeful and deliberate. You take a good look at her, the black suit, white shirt and red bell she is wearing, her heels making the slightest noise as she walks over to you. And right there it suddenly dawns on you what you had missed this week. Like some sort of dream you are just wakening from, you remember the hints she dropped you this week, her hand on your leg and all the attempts she made.

With a swift motion, Miranda pulls you into her embrace, her lips crashing against yours. A kiss that ignited a fire of desire. You are caught off guard by Miranda's actions. But surprised and attracted at her boldness, you respond the favour, your hands tangling in her hair as your bodies press against each other.

Miranda slowly pushes you to the direction of her desk, moving all the documents and books with one swift motion as she lays you down. Kisses trail down your neck, her hot breath on your body, whispering words of affection into your ear.

Your heels are discarded on the floor as your back hit the desk. Miranda's eyes meet yours as she takes your tights off, slipping under your skirt. ,,Now you've been blowing me off all week, are you sure this isn't what you want?'' she questions, a smirk playing on her lips.

You gulp hard, struggling to even answer her question as your breath gets caught in your throat. ,,I do- I.. I want you Miranda'' you whisper, your gaze wandering from her lips to her chest.

,,Now that's all... I wanted to hear'' she smirks before giving you exactly what you needed in that moment.

As you wake up the following morning, you find yourself in Miranda's townhouse. Not exactly remembering how you got there, you get dressed, walking down the large hallway. The sun rises coating the white and modern place in a beautiful orange.

Approaching the kitchen you halt for a moment, seeing Miranda standing by the coffee maker, she must have let you sleep in a little as she was already dressed for the day. You take in her perfect features, the way her skirt complimented her body, her hair perfectly styled.

,,Good morning'' you mumble, announcing your presence, unsure what Miranda would be like this morning, knowing her icy personality at times.

,,Morning'' she smiles a little as she turns around and hands you a coffee in a to-go cup.

,,Come on, I'll take you to the office'' she announces, grabbing her handbag and coat.

,,You.. to the office?'' you stumble over your words, in disbelief she would take you there, with the risk of being seen.

,,Wilhemina will bring you some of your things so you can get ready there'' she announces with a slight smirk and you simply reach for the coffee with a thankful nod and comply, following the older woman out into the streets of New York.

A few hours later, you find yourself sitting by your desk, working through your schedule, Wilhemina of course having complied and brought you a bag to change and get ready. And through some miracle no one seems to have noticed either, however you aren't entirely sure if Miranda had pulled some strings and made sure the office was empty this morning.

It's Wilhemina's and Miranda's usual coffee ,,date'' by now, even though neither of them would ever remotely adress it as such. As you scan the room, you see Emily typing away on her computer, occasionally answering the phone. And you can't help but glance into your bosses office, taking in their features. They seem to feel more comfortable at this point, leaving the office door open, unless it's a private conversation.

Overhearing the conversation, you can't help but chuckle at the exchange between the two. ,,Can you believe the nerve of these interns Miranda?'' Wilhemina starts and sighs dramatically ,,One of them had the audacity to ask if they could take a lunch break'' she carries on.

Miranda simply raises an eyebrow before muttering ,,And what was your response? Wilhemina?''.

,,I told them that in this office, we don't take breaks, we make breakthroughs'' the redhead smirks ,,They looked like I just told them the world was ending'' she carries on.

Emily, feeling a little more comfortable around Wilhemina by now, actually having established some sense of a professional relationship can't help but roll her eyes in a playful way. ,,Oh please'' she begins, her voice ringing through the office.

,,You think you're so high and mighty, you're just Miranda's lapdog, same as the rest of us'' she sighs dramatically and you can't help but chuckle, used to these little exchanges by now.

You hear Wilhemina's laughter echoing through the office ,,At least I'm not the one fetching soy lattes every morning''.

,,You mean.. not anymore?'' Emily smirks, meeting your gaze.

Miranda interjects ,,Emily get me the latest issue of Runway and Wilhemina stop wasting my time with petty banter, we have work to do''.

And with those words, you simply chuckle to yourself before continuing your work, but somehow not being able to keep your eyes of either of the two women you work for.

#wilhemina venable x reader #wilhemina venable #miranda priestly #miranda priestly x reader #sarah paulson #ahs #american horror story #ahs apocalypse #the devil wears prada #tdwp #meryl streep

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heyidkyay · 10 months

Text

I guess I’ll take this pain, instead of your name |

Part Twenty-Six

A/n: Hey! Finally giving you 26 alongside some answers! Not sure how I feel about this part just yet, it was difficult to write but I hope you enjoy it all the same:) Let me know I suppose!

Summary: In life, things changed. The boys you'd once grown up with were men now, and famous ones at that. The type that toured the world and had millions of adoring fans.

The five of you shared a shit ton of history. But you also shared a lot of mixed emotions for one of them in particular, a certain drummer.

Warnings: Lots of feelings, swearing but should be expected this far in, mentions of toxic relationships

Masterlist

And wouldn’t you just’ve guessed it. Ross was sat waiting on the steps of the villa for me when I finally returned. He watched me as I stepped out of a cab and ambled my way up the long drive, a cigarette pinched between his steady fingers.

It was quiet. Had been since I’d left Alvaro at the hospital.

I’d wandered around for a bit, unable to do much else other than think. He’d really given me a lot to think about.

But then my migraine had started back up again and I’d suddenly felt sick to my stomach, I’d had to have this little old lady, working a stall, phone for a driver for me whilst I’d kept myself from spewing into the bath of a nearby fountain. It hadn’t been my finest moment but I’d made it back to the villa alive and the throbbing pain in my skull had dulled somewhat on the drive over.

Ross was watching still as I walked closer and took perch on the step beside him, thankful for the small amount of shade the roof provided us with, the heat was doing nothing for my remaining nausea. He didn’t say anything for a long while, nor did he offer me a drag or a smoke of my own, which I wasn’t too fussed about. But even if I had been, I couldn’t have brought myself to ask, the sickness still there but getting easier with each deep breath I took.

“Sent the lads out once we realised you were missing.” He murmured to me, eyes trained on the pebbled drive lain out before us.

I’d forgotten about them, the boys, in my hurry to escape. Just needing to unwind, desperate to forget, to get away. Matty had been asleep still, the others dotting about on their own. George… I had no idea, so I simply shook away the thought.

“Knew you’d be back soon enough though.” Ross went on, taking a longer drag when he realised I wouldn’t be adding much to the conversation. “How’s the head?” He then asked me, changing the subject completely.

I swallowed, toying with a loose thread on my cardi. “Nearly chucked up in this pretty fountain down by the old town, gave the locals a right show.”

He didn’t laugh but I saw the corners of his mouth turn upwards, so easily amused by my sufferings. “Probably thought you were hung to hell, out on the piss ’til morning.”

I hummed around a tiny smile, tugging on the thread and enjoying the way it unraveled for me. “How’s the album coming?”

If Ross was surprised by my question he didn’t let it show, merely tilted his head then shrugged a shoulder lazily. “It’s not. Matt’s mind is elsewhere and G is… well, G is being G.”

That familiar guilt throbbed in me again, a reminder.

“Can’t be helped though.” Ross sighed, flicking away some remnant ash. “Can’t force this shit. It comes or it don’t.”

We were swept up by a breezy quiet then, both of us lost in our own heads. I kept finding myself opening my mouth to say something though, once, twice, then three times. There was this heated little knot of anxiety balled in the hollow of my ribs and someone just kept on tugging at it tighter and tighter until I finally begun to feel it fray and splinter.

“I kissed George.”

Ross’s head snapped in my direction at having heard my muted admission, but my eyes were trained still on the lit cigarette he held in his hand as though he’d forgotten it was even there. “What?”

But I knew he’d already heard me.

“You kissed George?” He breathed out once I made no move to repeat myself.

I hummed again, swallowing down past the ache in my throat as I clung to my cardigan tighter. I glanced up at him when he didn’t say anything more, he was just staring back at me with these huge surprised eyes. I’d’ve smiled, it wasn’t every day you got to witness something like that, but couldn’t dim my anxiety.

“You kissed George.” Ross said again and I blew out a soft sigh whilst I let him internalise it. “When?” He asked me, unblinking.

“’S’mornin’.” I mumbled in answer, those fraying threads of anxiety polluting the rest of my body now, like maggots infecting a soldier’s already dirtied wound.

“Jesus Christ.” Ross breathed, shaking his head, and then he dragged a heavy hand down the length of his exhausted face. I suddenly felt like a chastised little kid getting ready to get told off. But Ross was better than that, he never rebuked the actions of the rest of us unless we took it a step too far- ‘Live and learn’ he’d often spout like the wise old man he truly was. “Explains why he had the face of a slapped arse then, don’t it?”

My brows rose but I didn’t push his reply. I didn’t want to know any more.

“What a way to start a holiday, hey?” He then added and we both had to laugh a little at his words, even if they were more depreciating than other. We shared another sigh and I watched on whilst he took one final drag before stumping the butt out, he glanced over to me after.

“I’m guessing the kiss is why you disappeared then?” Ross questioned, head tilted slightly as his eyes found mine. The smile I answered him with was wet and watery, and he could only lift an arm out towards me. “Oh, B…”

I let out a scoff of a cry at his pitiful words and fell limply into his side, feeling so incredibly lost. So stupid.

“It’s okay.” I heard him murmur above my head, both arms curling around my broken self to hold me better together. “It’ll be okay.”

Because it had to be, right?

—

I’d gone to bed after my impromptu sobbing session with Ross. How the man had yet to get sick of me and my onslaught of tears was beyond me- but I was thankful for it nevertheless. Especially when he brought a decent cuppa and a couple of biscuits to my bedside after.

That’d been a long while ago now though, long enough for the biscuits I hadn’t eaten to have gone stale and the tea discoloured and cold. I laid there, still, staring up at the ceiling.

When I was little I used to paint stars up there with strokes of my eyes, imagine dark blue hues and gradient purples surrounding planets and glowing suns. But then I’d grown up and the dark had crept its way in, drowning my pretty stars in its shadows.

I could still picture them sometimes though, mostly back when I’d been curled up in bed with George. I’d see them. Dimmer than the years before, but there, twinkling. They’d long since abandoned me again though. All I saw now was a blank ceiling staring back at me.

I sighed, forcing my eyes away from it and out towards the window where the sun had since set. I questioned how another day had so quickly slipped past me.

The boys had since returned too, I’d heard them stumble in an hour or two ago. Maybe even three. They’d wanted to check in, I’d seen their shadows dance beneath my closed bedroom door and heard their muted arguments. But my guess is that Ross somehow waylaid them, because they hadn’t pushed any further than that. Although, my phone had buzzed a couple dozen times.

It was somewhere on the floor, settled on the pile of clothes I’d stripped out of.

Quiet now though. The villa, I meant. My mind not so much. I still couldn’t work out for the life of me what the fuck I wanted. Scared and too fucking afraid to come to an actual decision. I didn’t want to be hurt again, but I also knew that either way I could be. So, I either push George further away and end up breaking my own heart, or risk everything and just have him do it for me, for the hundredth time.

Too many fucking thoughts. Too big a decision to make.

I wanted to bury myself in my pillow, burrow further away, but I could feel a headache coming on and so, in hopes to avoid it, I peeled myself from out under the safety of my covers and over to the door, figuring that a decent brew might just do the job.

The house was dimmed as I made my way down the stairs, only the outside porch lights were still on, though I could hear murmurs of movement as I passed by the guys’ rooms.

I kept the kitchen light off when I made my way over to the counter, instead opting to use the fridge as a lamp whilst I worked my way around the kettle, nicking one of the many Russian caravan teabags Matty so liked.

It was nice, down here alone, bare feet sliding across the chilled tiles as the evening air crept its way inside through the French doors. Peaceful almost. Once the tea was made I figured I’d make my way out there too and so I did, settled myself under the familiar peach tree I’d taken to seeing as it’d been a few days since I’d had the opportunity to hide out underneath it.

I could see the ripples in the pool from here, as well as the shorts some of the boys had left out to dry, three pairs of them all slung over a sun-lounger, a damp puddle beneath. I sipped away at my tea and felt myself longing more and more for a cigarette, I hadn’t had one since the night spent with George, and even then it’d hardly been a drag.

But what I wouldn’t do for another.

A small sigh escaped me and I settled my teacup down to the side so that I could pull my legs in closer, knees tucked up under my chin as the wind danced over my bare skin.

“What would you do then, hey?” I heard myself whisper out into it, eyes casted upwards towards the so-called heavens. “Probably wouldn’t say much. Just sort my mess out for me, yeah?”

I blew out a tiny wet chuckle, knowing I was dead right.

It was nights like these that I just found myself talking to him, my dad that is. Not often but enough. On days when things felt heavier, harder.

It had been a long time since I’d last done so. That fact alone also reminded me of how much time had passed since he’d been gone. Been gone longer than I’d ever known him. We’d never had enough time. But that was just life, wasn’t it?

I vividly remember the day he passed. I’d felt it long before they’d ever even told me. Sat on the bottom step of the staircase, phone pressed tightly to my ear. I’d felt it. I’d known something had happened. But he’d been at the hospital and she’d been there with him. So I’d phoned, and she’d said everything was fine. But I’d known. I’d felt it deep down. Something had shifted.

It made me wonder now, here in this pretty little garden, how many times a heart could shatter before it stopped letting you put it back together. Too many pieces lost in the explosion. Not enough parts to make it work the same.

My dad’s death had taken a few too many pieces, I think. The rest had just followed.

Now, he wasn’t much of a gambler, my old man, but I knew that he’d bet a pretty penny if he was here right now on my next decision. He’d always had a way of knowing my next move before I’d ever even thought it. Wise in his own way and not the traditional sort. Hated school but loved anything that could keep his hands and mind busy. Could read people better than he could most words.

I was wired in a similar way.

And I couldn’t stop myself from wishing then that he could only hear me so that he’d just tell me what I was going to do next.

It was hard, not having him here.

“You ever think they look back?”

My head jerked upwards like a horse dislodging a fly at the unexpected voice, only to find George stood there by the door, bare foot too with his hands tucked into his pockets. I gaped for a brief moment before I swallowed down my surprise and followed his nod over to where the stars were twinkling high above.

“Maybe.” I replied, unable to help myself.

George hummed and stepped closer, down off the step he was tittering on. I wondered how long he’d been there. “Always loved them though, you have. Remember you dragging me out into the fields late at night to watch them years back. Only ever loved London in the day because at night they were too hard to spot.”

I exhaled the heaviness I felt weigh on my chest. “They give me hope. Let me pretend that things last.”

“What d’you mean?” He questioned, both our voices far too quiet. Too careful. There were lines being tread now.

I shrugged a single shoulder, chin digging deeper into my shin as I stared up at the well-lit sky. “They die, don’t they? Just like us. Give the illusion that they’re permanent, that they’ll never fade out. But they do, we just don’t see it. Don’t realise that they’re all just dying millions of miles away.”

“Biblical that.”

I snorted at his dry response, a soft sound I couldn’t quite help. “Far from.”

He merely hummed again, then took another step closer drawing my attention, I dipped my head once and then looked away when he pointed down to the ground beside me. I focused on keeping my breathing even as he settled there, stretching his legs out before us.

“Where’d you disappear to then?” After you kissed me… George questioned after a minute.

I wet my lower lip and let a hand slip from where it’d been curled around my leg to toy with the tea I’d brought out with me. It’d gone cold.

“I walked around for a bit. Just thinking.”

“Ah.” He replied, a very George like reaction if I did say so myself. So monosyllabic. “Anything good?”

I huffed a small amused chuckle, wrinkling the cup’s dark liquid. “Did I think of anything good?”

“Hm.”

I shook my head, flicking away the wetness I’d gathered on my fingertips. “Dunno. Not really. Just had a lot on my mind.”

“Thing with thinking, is that it’s dead useful, but only sometimes.” George retorted and I glanced over to find him fidgeting with the grass beneath us. “Most days I just wish everything would shut up. Gets too loud and I can’t even escape it, you know? ‘Cause it’s all in my head.”

I did know.

He looked up and caught me staring, gifted me the tinniest of smiles from beneath shadowed eyes and dark lashes. “Seen any shooting stars whilst you been out here then?”

I returned the sentiment, eyes lingering on the curve of his lips, remembering…

“No, but you know me, luck’s never been very fortunate to us.”

George’s gaze drifted between my own. “I don’t know about that,” He said, voice velvety and low. “You seem to do alright on your own.”

I scoffed a quiet laugh. “Yeah, if you could call it that.”

George’s elbow nudged my side. “Come on, look at what you’ve got. A job you love, people you love, smile of an angel.”

I nudged him right back, mostly in retaliation for that last comment. Charmer, just like Nana had always claimed.

“Oh yeah, can’t complain me.” I joked, mind stuck on every bad thing that’d ever been thrown at me. And though I tried not to let it show, he still knew.

He knew me better than I knew myself. And vice-versa. I’d almost forgotten that fact about us.

George was turned better towards me now, his stance a little more open, and in the haze of the moonlight I caught sight of his eye, my head shot out to really see it.

“Oh God,” I gasped mutedly, hand reaching out towards the welt on his face before I could think better of it. “Did I do that?”

George just laughed me off, hand catching mine before I could touch the injured eye, my attention snapped down towards it, though he didn’t release me. “It’s not that bad, just raised a bit, like you said it would. Go down in a day or two.” He assured and I could only mutter another quiet sorry before he was shaking his head at me and smiling. “It was an accident- and even if it weren’t, it’s the least I deserve, innit?”

He laughed whilst I simply scowled. “Don’t say that.”

“What? It’s true, ain’t it?” George replied, “Been so shit to you. Never fucked up more. So I wouldn’t blame you for it even if you did choose to batter me.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t want to hurt you, George.”

“Like I did you?” He quipped straight back, hard eyes trained on mine now, “‘Cause it’s the truth. I fucking promised no one would ever hurt you again, all those years ago. Remember that? And look at where we are now. I’ve broken that promise nine times over.”

I let go of a heavy sigh, “G, you haven’t-”

“The fuck I haven’t! I have! I have. And do you know what’s worse?” He asked me, hand still cradling mine, hold soft and gentle. “I have the fucking nerve to sit here and ask you to forgive me, to take me back.” He scoffed at himself and my breath caught when he finally dropped my hand. “The things I‘d do to take it all back.” He muttered deeply, clucking his tongue as he shook his head.

“I wouldn’t want you to.” I told him honestly, my reply surprising both him and I.

“How can you say that?” He looked back at me, his expression pinched.

I shrugged, casting a long glance out over towards the pool. “‘Cause you can’t take it back, can you? So there’s no real point in trying, or stressing about the things we’ll never be able to change. Life is shit, you deal with it.”

George released a shaky breath and dragged a rigid hand over the back of his head. “I really messed you up, didn’t I?”

That made me pause. It was too close to the truth.

“No more than anyone else did.”

The sound that escaped him then shocked me to my core and my head snapped back over to where he was perched beside me, tears in his eyes, mouth strained to keep any other sound like it from falling out. He wouldn’t look at me, just kept on shaking his head. “And that’s what kills me.” He breathed, voice tight, cheeks hollowed. “God. That’s what fucking kills me.”

I didn’t know what to say. I could only stare at him, wind caught on the lump in my throat.

I couldn’t remember the last time I’d seen him cry, but I knew it’d never been like this.

“George-” I whispered out, unable to utter much else, but he just shook his head again, rubbing at his eyes.

“Nah, it’s fine.” He sniffed, chuckling at himself whilst he worked his jaw to keep from outwardly crying anymore. “It’s- well it’s like I said, ain’t it? No less than what I deserve. Fuck. I’m just so sorry. So fucking sorry. And I’m not sure if I’ve even told you that yet.”

“You have.” I reassured him in a croaky whisper, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from him. “You did.”

“I want to take it all back. I just want to do it all over.” He choked out, trying so very hard to avoid my gaze, to not let me see him cry. “I want so fucking much, but, there’s not much point in wanting, is there? I can’t take it back, I can’t make it make sense. And I can’t tell you how much I wish that I’d never fucking let you go in the first place. That I’d ever let myself fuck up the best thing I’ve ever had. No fucking point, no use!”

I untangled myself from my position to reach out towards him, fingers catching the side of his face like they had that very same morning. My mind flashed back to him in my bed, my lips against his. I forced his face towards me, coaxing him, “Look at me, will you? Just look at me. I need you to see. Okay? I need you to look at me and see the mess that I’ve become, the mess that I’ve always been, yeah? Because neither of us are fucking perfect, G, and, sure, you might’ve messed up, you might’ve hurt me, but that doesn’t just make me stop loving you, okay? That doesn’t erase our past and make everything that we’ve ever shared just go away. Alright? I need you to know that. I need you to understand that no matter what happens from here on out, that you will always be apart of my life. I need you to know that. I just- I need you to, okay?”

His dark and watery eyes were flitting back and forth, left then right, between my own, blatant shock staring me back in the face. I had to tell him though, he had to know. He had to.

“You hear me?” I shook his head in my hands and he raised his to cover my own, he nodded at me, just barely, and let his fingers rest against mine. My eyes were locked on his, I saw every emotion he’d ever felt flit through those brown eyes, because we were like magnets, George and I, when we collided nothing else on God’s green Earth could pull us apart, and in that moment I wanted it to always stay that way. With him beneath me, the stars in his eyes.

My forehead was pressing against his before I’d even felt myself lean in, knees hooked over either side of him, pressing deep into the soil. His hands stayed with mine, but his eyes were hooked on me so intensely that I had to let my own fall close. His fingers interlocked with mine. I felt his breath tickle my skin.

My heart ached like a hole that had been torn through my chest and it felt as though we were floating, far from the villa and its peach tree, from the Earth and all its noise. Like we’d just gone and switched the entire planet off.

I heard his swallow. And fuck, he was so shaky it almost felt like holding onto my very own earthquake.

“I’m right where you left me, Birdie.” George murmured into the blank space between us, that inch of air that separated us. And those words just rendered me helpless.

And who could really blame me? Blame me for being drawn in again. For reaching out and cupping his familiar face, for trailing a careful thumb over the curve of his cheek to the corner of his mouth.

He made me so irrational. Made me forget. Had me faltering above him, even when I had the upper hand here, made my lips part on their own accord just as his nose lightly brushed my own. I couldn’t waste another second debating with myself, looking for answers that ceased to come; I slid my hand to the back of his neck and let him draw me in further, pausing only slightly for just a second before my lips found his.

It felt like coming home, kissing George. So familiar, with a vague sentiment of relief. The kiss was slow and delicate, probing almost, like we were both still trying to get over the fact that it was even happening. This kiss so unlike the one we’d shared before.

George responded in kind, let his lips fall open even more to savour it, his hands diving to my waist, fingers pressed into my sides.

I’d pictured this, made up so many scenarios in my head over the span of the last year that it was hard to rationalise the how and the why. But it was happening and I couldn’t bring myself to stop it, to pull apart.

George was so tender this time around and I welcomed him in when he ran his tongue searchingly beneath my own. The softness of the kiss had me falling further into his embrace, and he didn’t even bat an eyelid, simply held me up. Like before. His touch grew more needy, fingers digging deeper into my waist when I pressed my chest up against his, teeth grazing lightly over my bottom lip enough for me to let out a soft moan, a moan that he then swallowed whole.

And it was then that I felt so overwhelmed, wanting more. Needing more than just this. But I couldn’t bring myself to shift any closer, to have him lay back, to lose myself in the madness that was him. His hands slipped to my hips, fingertips skimming the edge of my top, touching skin, it was that which made me stiffen, pull away.

I was breathing heavily, as was George when he quickly dropped his hands and allowed me to create some much needed space between us again. My head swimming.

“We can’t.” I attempted to say and he nodded, eyes taking in everything they could of my face. I must’ve looked a right picture as I inhaled shakily above him. “Not like this. I- we need to talk.”

George nodded again, I watched his chest rise and fall, watched him rub his lips together. Gaze trained on me.

“We can’t.” I whispered again, but I no longer knew who I was speaking to.

“We can’t.” He parroted me, seeming to really understand the words now. He inhaled sharply and then glanced down. “But if we can’t, then you’ve really got to get off my lap now, B.”

I followed his gaze and blinked, realising my position. “Shit, yeah. Yeah, sorry.”

George blew out a faint chuckle, watching as I rolled off him. Warier still whilst rearranging himself, as though he was scared to take another wrong step. “No need to say sorry, always enjoy a lapful of you.” He gifted me a kind grin. “But you are right. We should talk.”

Talk. It felt like all we’d done since the night of my birthday is talk. We were talking and talking, saying an awful lot without saying much at all. But I had no idea where to start here.

Thankfully though, he did.

“I ended things.”

The air in my lungs froze as I moved to inhale, never having expected that to be the thing he’d start with. A truth, yes, but one I hadn’t thought he’d admit out loud, let alone to me.

“You did.” I breathed, blowing the stilted air through my nose as I fought not to let the ground shift beneath me. Talk, we were finally talking.

“And I was a fucking idiot.”

I scoffed out a surprised laugh, “You are.”

He smiled at me, but it was hastily replaced by a melancholy I hadn’t much seen on him before.

“I should’ve just spoken to you. I realise that now, but I was so fucking lost, B. Like, I could hardly even think, let alone open up about how I was feeling.” He murmured to me, hands clasped tightly in his lap, I watched them whilst he watched the sky once more. “I was too scared. I was a fucking coward. And when I left, I realised I couldn’t go back. ‘Cause that look you had on your face.” He shook his head, inhaling deeply, “That look…” He blew out the breath. “God, I’d never hated myself more.”

I didn’t say anything in return. Whether it was due to my surprise at the pair of us finally hashing things out, or something other, I couldn’t be sure.

George continued on and I was confused by his next question, “You remember the week before it?”

I just had to nod, “Vaguely.”

It’d been a normal week, him in the studio, me at work. Hadn’t seen much of each other but he still came home each night, we fell asleep together. Like always.

He huffed then sucked in a cheek, chewing on his lip in thought, eyes stuck on the horizon. “I’d leave early morning, walk around for a bit, then end up in the studio and not leave ’til late. I couldn’t sleep at night, so I’d just lie there with you. If I caught a couple hours then I’d be able to plaster on a smile for you, the guys. But my head was properly fucked. Couldn’t stop thinking. Phone wouldn’t stop ringing. Ended up drinking just to get through the days. All ‘cause I felt fucking sorry for myself.”

It didn’t make much sense. But I couldn’t bring myself to ask or to look away, sure that I’d see something in his next movement that would fill me in or maybe hear it in his words.

He toyed with the grass. “Mum phoned me a couple times before that week. She showed up the Friday before everything went to shit.”

I gave a slight nod again as I took it in, understanding a little better now. It explained his mood. How quiet he’d been. I’d reckoned he was just tired, drained from constantly working the way he did. But if his mum was involved, then I had no idea what could’ve gone down. Nothing good though.

“I’d always kept her at a distance since we’d left Manchester.” He went on to say, “We spoke when needed, saw each other when she asked. Mostly for my dad’s sake though.”

But I already knew all this.

“She turned up that Friday ‘cause I’d kept on dodging her calls. No warning. Just turned up out of the blue. And I was mainly just thankful that she’d managed to catch me on the way out, instead of at the flat with you. Didn’t want you to see her, her to see you.” George admitted quietly, eyes flicking towards me for a split second before darting away again. “No clue how she’d known where to find me either, but she’d driven all night- or so she claimed. And I felt as though I owed it to her to hear her out, so we walked on over to that little cafe on the corner of our road and she told me she couldn’t take much more.”

I frowned. “Take much more of what?”

“Me.” He laughed, a hollow sound that made me still. “Had enough of me, of the papers, the headlines. People back home. She was embarrassed apparently. And I could understand somewhat, the drugs she’d never liked, the drinking too excessive, but then she reckoned she’d been told a couple stories, yeah?”

Confused, my frown only deepened. “Stories?”

He licked at the flesh of his lip, my eyes tracked the movement then dropped down to where he was drumming his thumb on his kneecap. He wouldn’t look back at me.

“Stories. Just, gossip, you know. From the locals back home.” George stated, gaze jumping from one thing to the next. But never landing on me. “She’d hurt her hip the year before and so she’d stopped working remotely, decided to ease her hours down so that she could take things a bit easier. Dad seemed all for it when he’d let me know, having her back home. But, that meant she was actually there and I reckon that’s why people took note of her. She hadn’t been around much since the band started but you know how them lot are, they like to talk. To stick their noses in everybody else’s business but their own, wanted word on us lot down in London. If we were really making it big.”

George rolled his eyes then swiped a tongue across his front teeth. It angered him, irritated him when people felt as though they deserved to know the ins and outs of his entire life. He was a private person for the most. And I knew it agitated him more for the fact that his mum had been involved.

“What stories, George?” I asked, heart in my mouth. Because I already knew, didn’t I?

He worked his jaw, thumb still tapping relentlessly away. I wanted to reach out and still the movement, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t bare to move.

“What stories?” I prodded again, firmer this time.

“About Matt and his family, him using. Rehab. If I were the same way. You know.” George replied hurriedly, jaw still tightly wound, and I titled my head at him wanting to hear the rest of it that was bound to come. “She said some vile things, yeah? And, I don’t know. I just, it, they pissed me off. I didn’t want to stay sat there and listen to her rant, just let her go on and fucking on-”

I cut him off. “What else did she say, George?”

He closed his eyes and then slowly turned his head towards me, I saw the guilt swimming in them when they reopened, the pain, the anger. “They told her all there was to know about you. They told her all about you, Birdie.”

Suddenly my tongue was too heavy to sit comfortably in my mouth and my eyes were stinging in time to match the swelling of my throat. They’d told her about me. And I wasn’t stupid enough not to realise exactly what that meant. What had been said. I knew what they all thought of me, what they’d always thought ever since that fucking night. Knew that they still let him walk around free, that they listened to his tales, to his lies. That they whispered about my mum, the neglect, the things I’d supposedly done to have survived living in that poor house. George knew I knew too. That’s why he’d been so reluctant to say. That’s why he’d-

“That why you fucking walked out then?” I spat at him, my anger misplaced but I didn’t care. I didn’t care that he’d been the one to hold me through most of it, didn’t care for his previous claims, because he’d left, hadn’t he? And this was the fucking reason.

George opened his mouth to speak, brow pinched, but I didn’t let him get a word in edgeways.

“What, was it too much for your big rockstar image then? To have a girlfriend as fucked as me? What, were you suddenly embarrassed, George? Did your mum make you finally see sense? Reason?” I laughed bitterly and moved to stand, to walk the fuck away from him and all the emotions he pulled so effortlessly out of me, but a firm hand caught my wrist and I snapped my gaze down towards him. “Don’t grab me like that.”

Immediately George released me and he looked apologetic for a brief moment, but that anger was still there and that only sent my guard up more.

“You know fucking better than that!” He retorted heatedly, “Don’t just section me off with the rest of them, yeah? ‘Cause you know I don’t deserve that. I was fucking there! I never left. I was there through it all. And never once did you ever or have you ever embarrassed me! Not you, not your life, not your fucking story! So just don’t, eh. Don’t go and say shit like that to me. Not when we both know that it’s the furthest thing from the truth.”

“Then what am I supposed to believe, George!” I shouted back at him, tears welling in my eyes, hands fisted to keep from lashing out, to keep from breaking completely. “Because how can I not assume that, when you’ve treated me exact same way they have! When you pushed me out and fucking left without even a warning, without a reason! Tell me, what am I supposed to think!”

“I left to fucking protect you, you daft cow!” George shot back, bewildered with his face so open. “I left because there was no other fucking way to keep you safe from the rest of the fucking world! I left ‘cause she threatened to tell people, to sell it all to the tabloids or whoever the fuck would listen, if I didn’t get my act together, if I didn’t-”

“If you didn’t leave me.” I finished for him.

All the fight seemed to drain out of the two of us then. George’s head dropped in acknowledgment and I pressed my lips tightly together as I casted a blurry glance out over the rest of the garden to keep from outwardly sobbing. If I cried now, I didn’t know if I would ever stop.

“And you listened.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, rubbing at my strained eyes, the headache that had been tittering was a full blown minefield now, exploding across the length of my skull. “You listened.” I repeated and heard the way my voice cracked, how dry my throat felt.

“Of course I listened. There was nowt else I could do! You were fine being in the background, watching us. You didn’t want anything else! If I’d’ve let her leave, she would’ve told everyone. She’s fucking spiteful if nothing else, can’t stand to see me happy, would be better off seeing me skint on my arse and working in a factory than have any of this. This life. She hates it!”

“And what does she think of me now, hey? Must reckon I’m some cheap skank dirtying you up, dragging you down with me.” I scoffed at the very thought, but mostly because it felt much too close to the truth. I had been dragging him down with me and it hurt to realise that he’d probably be better off never having even laid eyes on me.

He pointed a finger towards me hotly which counteracted the way he shook his head so sadly. “Don’t say shit like that, okay? ‘Cause I know exactly what you’re thinking. I know it, because I know you. Not once have you ever, ever made me feel that way. When I’m with you-” George blew out a breathy laugh, “With you it’s like there is no one else. Don’t you get that? Didn’t you see the fucking state you left me in? I was a mess! You were the only thing ever keeping me on track. How can you not see that?”

“George, look at where you are!” I argued with him, “Look at the life you’ve built for yourself. The places you’ve been, the people you’ve met! And yet here you are, still sat with me, a florist who can hardly tie a ribbon, a girl sick beyond help, asking for another chance. You could do better, George, you know it. ”

“Fuck you.” He was angry again, but more sad than angry this time, his nose flared and his eyes were cut towards me. “Nah, honestly fuck you for saying that. For thinking it at all! ‘Cause I’m the one who left you, B. Not just once, no, not just fucking once, but twice. Twice! I should’ve manned the hell up! Pulled myself together and been there for you after that accident. Not walked away when you needed me most and left you in that ambulance! On your own! With fucking strangers there instead of me! Me! I’m not the one who deserves better, Birdie, that’s all you.”

He chuckled, though not one full of humour. One of mourning regret, the kind that seemed to catch you dizzyingly and make it so you couldn’t make any other sound. I stared at him, chest rising and falling with each trembling breath.

“And what life would I actually have if hadn’t been for you, eh? What life?” George added, prodding further, and I saw that he was crying too, silently like me, eyes shinning with unshed tears. “Because if I remember rightly, it was you that gave this all to me. You who walked in and changed everything.”

“How the fuck did I do all this then?” I laughed, more of a broken sob than anything else though, shaking my head at him with a pitiful smile. “How is this all down to me!”

“You don’t see it, do you?” He whispered to me quietly in reply and it made me realise how loud we must’ve been, screaming at the top of our lungs. “You’re the one who gave me the boys, the band. You’re the person who gave me a fucking escape, Birdie. ‘Cause you might claim to be screwed up, B. But I’m exactly that, only twice as bad.”

“You’d have gotten here in the end, G. You’re too talented not to’ve.” I told him in a defeated tone, too tired to continue on with this pissing contest anymore, to scream and shout and claim to be the worser person. He’d left me. And yeah, he’d left me more than once, but who could blame him? Who could honestly put up with the likes of me? “We all make choices and, yeah, the ones you’ve been making as of late have been shit. But we live with them. We learn. You’d’ve made something of yourself, George, with or without me.”

George sighed heavily and forced his head back to stare up at the dark night sky, whilst I wiped helplessly at my tear stained cheeks and the wetness which clung to my chin.

“But I did it with you, B.” He finally spoke before he released another breath and dropped his head down to look back at me. “And I wouldn’t change that for anything in the world. I did it with you. I did it all for you. So that me and you could leave that fucking town. So that I could keep my promise.”

My heart broke just as his voice did on that very last word.

“I love you. And I don’t care how long I have to spend proving that to you. But if it takes me the rest of my fucking life, then I’ll do it without complaint. Because you are it for me, Birdie. I’ve lived without you, and I didn’t like it much. You are the only thing I need.”

I stared at him.

“What about your mum, the fans?” I voiced the hushed question into the otherwise silent garden.

He licked at his lower lip and I watched the way his eyes flickered when he sucked in another long breath. “That’s down to you. I can’t protect you from the world, I should’ve listened when you told me that all those years ago, but I’ve learnt now. And maybe, maybe I’m scared too. Maybe I’m terrified to hurt you all over again, or for you to just give up on me. But I’m asking for a chance, and with it, I’m prepared to give up everything else.”

I cocked my head at him, confused. “What do you mean? Give what up?”

“This.” He told me plainly and I knew, my lips parted and I could only shake my head in return.

“No. No, I’d never ask you to do that, and fuck you for even thinking I would.”

George reached out to me then, hands carefully taking my forearms, an attempt to soothe me. Like old times, I thought. I wondered if he thought the same, or if it was just instinctual.

“You wouldn’t have to ask, B. And I’m not asking you to. I’m telling you now that I don’t care what I have to lose. This? This life? It means nothing without you in it. It means nothing if you aren’t here to share it all with me. I’ve lived it. I suffered through it, felt nothing but fucking regret.” He murmured and it was then that I felt the first few drops of summer rain. “A chance. That’s all I’m asking for.”

“A chance.” I mimicked, blinking at him from under wet lashes whilst raindrops came down heavier around us.

“Just a chance.” He assured me before he wiped the dampening hair from off my cheek, hands resting either side of my face. “That’s all I’m asking for.”

Part Twenty-seven>

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