#they kiss in this movie trust me I’m Mattel

[jmgangel]

Toradeen Nation a blessing has descended down to our mortal plain.

#they kiss in this movie trust me I’m Mattel #who’s gonna make the edits #love them #monster high g3 #monster high #monster high live action #clawdeen x toralei #clawdeen wolf #toralei stripe #toradeen #toralei x clawdeen #justmythoughts

[thiscastielhasflown]

day three of day two of j&kcreatorfest (with @expectingtofly)— prompts: movie night or baking dean just wants to watch brokeback mountain in peace and cas is there to enjoy the emotional roller coaster ride. (2.1k) [does contain spoilers of the movie's plot, you have been warned]

"Okay choose — Midnight Cowboy or Brokeback Mountain?"

Cas looks directly at Dean who is standing in front of him holding two DVDs and smiling wide with eagerness. To celebrate and commemorate their first Pride Month official out together, both collectively decided to watch a different LGBTQ+ themed movie every night during June (if at all possible).

Rather than the Winchester/Leahy family's normal Tuesday night movie routine, Sam and Eileen were more than willing to change up their usual viewing schedule — even helping to prepare and order movies unavailable to be streamed. But sadly this night coincided with their short weekend getaway trip up to Donna's cabin for a needed change in scenery from the bleak walls of the bunker. No matter how good the movie choice was going to be for those nights, nothing compares to either couple getting some alone time together.

Cas and Dean are left alone to watch a movie in the newly renovated 'Dean Cave' — now including a larger sectional couch (to fit everyone more comfortably), an LED monogrammed neon light of Dean's nickname from Cas, 'Titan', along with new pictures hung up from a recent family photoshoot, and a new stereo sound system all set up by Dean earlier that day.

While Dean was busy with that, Cas was in the kitchen trying out a homemade sourdough pretzel dough recipe — made with his own fermented starter — along with a batch of double-chocolate chunk brownies with lines of caramel crisscrossing across the top as their movie viewing snack for the night.

"I thought we were watching the Trixie Mattel documentary."

"I know we agreed on that, but I'm more into a gay cowboy sort of mood tonight. You feel me?"

Cas blinks, "I haven't felt you yet."

"Cas, it's a figure of speech. Stay on track. Which one do you want to watch?"

"Isn't Trixie a gay Western icon as anyway?"

Dean hesitates, "Well, I would say not exactly. Maybe because of her music style and love for Dolly—"

"Parton, we've listened to her music before," Cas interrupts.

Dean smiles, "Yes we have. We've listened to Trixie too. So I guess it depends on who you ask if they’d categorize her as a modern gay Western icon in the drag business. We're sidetracked, please just pick one."

"Okay, sorry. How about the one with the happier ending."

Dean pauses to think, "I don't think either end up happy."

"Then the one where someone doesn't die."

Dean pauses again, "I...do believe someone dies in both of them."

"Then what are the differences?"

"To be honest, there really aren't that many," Dean laughs it off, "They both take place within the same 1960s setting, even though Brokeback was made in 2004. There are two main male characters in both, who aren't close in the beginning but end up so by the end. Um. The biggest difference is that Brokeback actually takes place in Western-type locations, where Midnight Cowboy setting is in New York. Is any of this helping in your decision process?"

"To be honest, not really," Cas stands up from the couch and adjusts his shirt, "Well, you go ahead and make the final decision, okay? Let me go grab the pretzels and brownies from the kitchen while you get it set up. Want a beer?"

"Yes, please. Can you bring extra cheese sauce too?" Dean answers.

"Of course, nacho or cheddar?"

A sparkle glazes over Dean's eyes as he looks at Cas, a smirk making its way across his lips, "How about both?"

"Sure can," Cas leans in to give Dean a kiss on the cheek, brushing his hand up against the other man's shoulder, "Be right back."

Dean watches Cas walk out of the room with a smug look on his face, admiring his love before bending down in front of the TV console and turning on the DVD player to give it time to boot up. He looks back and forth between either movie case, still unable to pick one over the other. Sighing, he ends up picking Brokeback Mountain, knowing deep down that Cas would most likely end up enjoy watching it more.

As he stands back up holding the DVD player remote in his hand, he hears the sound of Cas walking down in the hallway near the mancave’s door. They've been together so long at this point, but even the slightest presence of Cas will still make a butterfly giddiness erupt inside of Dean.

"Right on time as always," Dean puts down the remote after pushing 'play', grabbing the plate and beer held out to him by Cas.

He holds it up to his nose and breathes in the mingling smells of delicious food, "You really outdid yourself on this one."

Cas blushes from the compliment before pulling his own plate closer to him, breaking off a piece of the brownie and slipping it into his mouth, "Glad to know you approve."

Dean winks and takes a bite of his own, letting out a tiny moan of satisfaction from the taste, "Did you put sea salt in this?"

"I'm surprised you noticed, it was one of my secret ingredients I added in. Thought it would go well with the caramel."

"Your intuition was right, this is delicious," Dean takes another large bite and lets the flavors melt over his tongue.

At this point in the movie, Jack and Ennis sit at the bar drinking together, getting the chance to have the last bit of freedom before heading up to the mountain to work. This reminds Dean of the many times he's shared a drink with Cas before they assumed the worst would happen, losing each other. Yet those moments have now become ones he'll never forget.

The soft touch of a hand against his face pulls Dean's eyeline from the movie, Cas reeling him into a deep kiss, their lips melding into each other creating a familiar yet comfortable feeling.

Before letting anything escalate Dean pulls back and faces his head back towards the TV, reaching up to wipe off his bottom lip softly, "Watch the movie, you're going to miss a good part."

Cas pulls away and pouts, giving him one last peck on the neck before returning fully to the boundaries of his seat.

Dean turns his head back again to Cas and reaches out for his hand, weaving their fingers together, "Hey don't do that, all I wanna do is watch the movie. We can do plenty of that later."

"Fine, fine," Cas mocks, grabbing a piece of the soft pretzel and dips it in the cheese, shoving it in his mouth with a hint of annoyance.

They manage to in silence to watch the movie a little longer before Cas speaks up again, "So...what exactly is going on?"

Dean clears his throat, "Well, Jack and Ennis got their orders to go up to the mountain to go work with the sheep and they're still trying to get used to each other. Testing out the ropes, trying to work together as a team."

"Are you sure they fall in love? They definitely don't very seem into each other at the moment."

Dean takes a sip of his beer, "Love happens in mysterious ways Cas, just like us. It is never as easy as we think, especially when two people don't really get along, to begin with."

"We got along just fine, what are you talking about?"

The only thing Dean does when he hears Cas make that statement is laugh, downing another large gulp of his beer.

Cas tilts his head, "Why are you laughing?"

"Your memory must be skewed now that you're human. Don't you remember threatening my life multiple times? Trust me, you and Uriel were a couple of dicks for the majority of that early time."

"I've changed a lot since then."

Dean smiles and squeezes Cas' hand, "We've both changed a lot. Us, being here like this, is the ending we both deserve. For them, it was much harder of a situation. Their free will isn't as fluid as the ones we take for granted."

"You're not telling me—" Cas sits back with wide eyes, trying to formulate the future plot points in his head.

"I'm not going to spoil anything from the movie, you're going to have to watch it yourself to find out yourself," Dean mimics zipping his lips and turning a key to lock it, "My lips are sealed.”

A sudden vibration erupts from Dean's back, shoving his hand into it and pulling out his phone to see Sam's picture contact picture lit up (from a drunken Halloween night dressed up in a Chewbacca costume, minus the head, with a herbal cigarette dangling between his lips), swiping to answer, "Hey Sammy, what's going on?"

"Hey-uh-hi, are you busy right now?" Sam asks in a mildly frantic tone of voice over the phone.

"Well—" Dean signals to Cas to pause the movie, "It is movie night like you know, but I can talk. Everything going okay?"

"No, yeah, everything is fine. Do you know how to treat a spider bite?"

Dean coughs slightly in surprise, "Are you telling me you already managed to get a spider bite?"

Cas, overhearing the conversation holds a hand up to his mouth to help suppress the giggling he's unable to prevent himself from doing.

"Yeah, um, neither Eileen and I can remember if it's supposed to be a cold or warm compress."

Dean shakes his head and lets out a chuckle, "Did you just drunkenly call me, to ask me, how to treat a spider bite less than 24 hours after leaving here?"

"Yes Dean, do you have the answer or not?"

"Go get some ice and makeshift ice pack. For the swelling. Any other questions?"

Sam pauses not answering right away, Dean hears the sound of rustling and clanking of ice in the background, "No that should be it. Thank you."

"Yep, you're welcome. Bye," Dean hangs up before Sam can say anything else.

"I'm sorry for all of the distractions tonight Dean, I really am. I know how much you wanted to watch this movie," Cas puts a hand on his shoulder, slightly massaging at the tense muscle underneath Dean's favorite Led Zeppelin shirt.

"It's fine Cas, we can stop the movie if you want. Maybe pick it back up tomorrow?"

"Why can't we continue watching it? If we have to pause again, then we pause again. Anyway, you have me interested in learning what will happen.”

“Alright, we’ll continue.”

Thankfully, no one else bothers them for the rest of the movie. Even when Cas was confused in certain sections, he reminded quiet and attentively watched, quickly becoming attached to the characters and the blossoming (and losing) love between them. When the credits begin to roll, Dean looks over to see Cas crying, tears streaming down his face, and biting on his bottom lip to possibly contain his emotions.

"Cas, what's wrong?"

"The jacket...Jack was the one who took the jacket that Ennis thought he forget on the mountain. He took it and kept it for all those years. And now...with Jack gone..." Cas leans in towards Dean, who wraps his arms around his shoulder in comfort, pressing little kisses on the top of his head. He lets Cas cry, holding onto him tight.

When Cas feels ready enough to pull away, Dean reaches up to wipe the tears from his cheeks, "What’s wrong Cas?"

"It just reminds me of us. When you kept my coat, the symbolism of keeping an article of clothing when your loved one is gone. In this case—" Cas sucks in a deep breath, bottom lip quivering, "Ennis lost Jack, his soulmate. But no matter how many times you've lost me, I've always come back. I wish that could have been the same for them."

"Oh, babe..." Dean pulls Cas into a kiss, strong and supportive, "They got to share their love while they could, and even though things could have been different, that was the ending destined for the."

"Why couldn’t they have ended up together?"

"Just how their cards were played, nothing we can change about it.”

Cas sighs, rubbing away his remaining leftover tears, "This really is a goddamn bitch of a unsatisfactory situation."

Dean can't help himself from laugh out of happiness, "That was a pretty good usage of that phrase, glad to know you picked up on it."

"Oh, it's going to be my go-to now, along with 'I wish I knew how to quit you’."

"Sounds to me like you liked the movie. Well, I do have an idea," Dean stands up from the couch and reaches for Cas' hand, pulling him up to a standing position, "How about we go start something? Sound good to you?"

#j&kcreatorfest #dean winchester #castiel #deancas #destiel #i know this is late don't just me #i'm positing it anyway #this goes out to all of the drag queen brokeback mountain fans out there #hopefully i have hit a niche audience #jace is typing...

[davethot]

ALL 36 BARBIE MOVIES RANKED... WHY DID WE DO THIS

Please............. for the love of god view this list. Help us. We worked so fucking hard... and for what?

My roommate/best friend and I ( @kar-queen ) decided to watch ALL 36 BARBIE MOVIES and then rank them from worst to best. This adventure was inspired by the YouTube video by caitlovesdisney where she also ranked every single Barbie movie. However, we wanted to do our own list since some of her choices didn’t reflect what we thought. Her list was still so awesome and I respect anyone who decides to watch all these Barbie movies. We did this because of sheer curiosity and for the sake of very scientific research. 

We thought it would be fun at first. We really did. And it was? Kind of? Just, Jesus Christ. We can no longer see pink. I have night terrors about Barbie’s ugly ass animal friends. It truly was An Experience and has left us feeling dazed and like we never want to rank things ever again. We weren’t planning on posting a written out ranking of these movies anywhere (since we were just doing it for fun between us) but we wanted some physical evidence of our labor since this whole experience took 50 years off our lives. 

Under READMORE we will rank the 36 Barbie movies from WORST TO BEST (36 to 1). HOWEVER, THERE’S A TWIST. We are ALSO ranking them based on how GAY they were (and trust me, it yielded more results than you would originally think). That way we could both get through these movies by spicing things up a little bit. Hit readmore if you’re not a coward.

DISCLAIMER: Barbie is a staple for kids and overall teaches them that anyone (though more specifically girls/women) can do/be anything, which is extremely admirable. We have no issues with Barbie as a role model for kids and this list is all in good fun. However, we are going to point out things that either frustrated us or seemed downright harmful for kids to watch and take after. Clearly Mattel/Barbie has taken great and necessary steps to be more inclusive and progressive, especially in recent years compared to their older movies. 

ANOTHER MILD DISCLAIMER: In some of these movies Barbie’s character is not named Barbie, but we’re just going to call every main girl Barbie to keep things simple and easy. Just a warning. 

ANOTHER ANOTHER DISCLAIMER: This is going to be long since there are 36 movies. Even if you read all of this you will only feel a fraction of our pain. 

WITH THAT, LET’S START WITH SOME HOT GARBAGE. LET’S GO GAMERS. 

36. BARBIE IN PRINCESS POWER (2015)

Starting out with at the fucking bottom lads. My roommate and I were foaming at the fucking mouth watching this movie. It’s so hard to explain why this one pissed us off so much because it was nearly every single goddamn aspect of it. Here’s some bullet points to make this go by quickly and painlessly. 

- She’s a princess but then she ALSO gets super powers??? So she’s already extremely privileged, rich, and lives a comfortable lifestyle, but then she gets powers when A MAGICAL FAIRY BUTTERFLY KISSES HER CHEEK? LIKE LITERALLY JUST KISSES HER CHEEK AND BOOM SHE HAS POWERS. 

- Her powers are really fucking boring. All she has is super strength and she can fly. 

- She treats her best friends/side kicks like shit??? These poor girls (neither rich nor princesses) dote on this fucking girl and do everything for her behind the scenes while she sucks at being a super hero. It’s really infuriating. 

- There’s a side plot where she lets the fame get to her head. So, she starts snapping at everyone around her and just being overall a total bitch? Also her sister gets powers too and they like, fight over this said attention. Stupid. 

- At the end of the movie she apologizes to her sister, but never to her friends or the other people she walked all over? Absolutely infuriating. We don’t know how else to describe this film. Barbie was so rude and unaware of the kind of privilege she had and acted spoiled the entire time, which is why it’s ranked at the complete bottom. 

- Also there was a romantic interest, I think????? He was a reporter? Don’t remember his name. Doesn’t matter. They didn’t get together. Also the fashion and colors in this movie are horrendous. Like c’mon guys. 

Oh also how could we forget. GAYNESS RANK: Not gay at all. So aggressively heterosexual.

Also: We know that Barbie is usually a princess in all of these movies and usually we don’t really care, but this one was especially bad when it came to her acting so fucking privileged. I swear we’re not insane this one was just so bad when it came to that. 

35. BARBIE AND THE SECRET DOOR (2014)

This one isn’t going to be as long or intense as Princess Power (which literally had so much wrong with it that we barely covered any of it). This one was just so offensively ugly. And boring. And stupid. I hated it so much. 

This is also another one where she’s a princess and she whines about how her life is so hard? 

In the beginning, she talks about how all she does is lay around all day and read books, and then later sings a song about how she wishes she could lay around all day and read books? Like, we stan a bookworm queen, but she acts so ungrateful for her lifestyles and then never mentions liking to read again when the main adventure of the movie starts. Just overall dumb and boring. 

Also this is so fucking ugly. Did we mention that this movie is ugly?

I don’t know who approved of these backgrounds and colors but they’re just so hideous like it literally gives me a headache. 

GAYNESS RANK: Pretty heterosexual. Barbie doesn’t have a love interest which is kind of nice and the two girls she meets are cute friends, but not enough to be noteworthy when it comes to gay. 

34. BARBIE A PERFECT CHRISTMAS (2011)

For being centered around Christmas, this didn’t feel like a Christmas movie at all. It tried to follow the typical plot of “We had a great Christmas planned but then oh no! So many things went wrong! But in the end all that matters is that you’re with your family and that’s what Christmas is all about :)” but they somehow managed to fuck that up? This movie is so mean? Barbie’s sisters are awful to each other, and lash out multiple times, especially at the youngest sister. Even if they tried to make up at the end the whole film felt very mean-spirited for a Christmas movie. 

The message about family was lost when they were more concerned with streaming a band performance rather than spending time with each other. It just was not great overall and left a very sour taste in our mouths. Would not recommend to show a kid around Christmas. 

GAYNESS RANK: Not gay at all. Pretty heterosexual. Skipper (the brunette) kind of had this weird thing with her girl friend that lived in New York but it didn’t really go anywhere. Her friend was never shown on screen, anyway. 

Also the movies really fucking ugly. We’re not even going to mention the horrendous pink Christmas trees. You’re welcome. 

33. BARBIE MAGIC OF THE RAINBOW (2007) (also known as Fairytopia 3)

Being the 3rd movie in the Fairytopia series, it’s by far the worst. The portrayal of Barbie/the main character was very obnoxious and careless. She was automatically good at everything she did on the first try and it was honestly so unrealistic and didn’t teach a great message at all. 

It also just, like, had these fairies attend school? To strengthen their powers, I guess? It wasn’t really explained. Barbie was very mean to a another fairy and even if they made up at the end it didn’t feel genuine. I think they were just trying to milk this Fairytopia series for everything it was worth and I’m glad it stopped after this one. 

Her bf in this one wasn’t bad, though, he was pretty sweet. He could talk to animals which was charming. 

GAYNESS RANK: Mid-tier. Even though she fought with the one fairy they had a pretty intense rivalry thing going on, which was pretty gay. Even though she had a bf they kind of barely interacted since Barbie was so engrossed with the other fairy. A few gay points I guess. Though those few gay points get taken away when her annoying fluff ball Bibble gets an ugly fluff ball girlfriend. Stupid.

32. BARBIE IN A MERMAID TALE (2010)

Okay, like... I barely watched this one so my roommate took the fall. So, I’m going to quote them for this: “This one was just written badly, objectively. The pacing was horrendous. The story was very contrived. *long pause*....... That’s all.” 

Yeah I don’t have much to say about this one either. I remember Barbie being bitchy towards her friends and her guardian. When a magic dolphin asks her to help she’s just like “no, fuck you” for literally no reason at all? She surfs but it’s not even that cool, so... wasted potential.

GAYNESS RANK: There’s not nothing? Some potential. Her surfing buddies hang around and she hangs out with her mermaid friends as well. Other than that, though... :( (I promise there will be Barbie movies that are gay just wait) 

31. BARBIE AND HER SISTERS IN A PUPPY CHASE (2016)

This movie... is so strange. We hated it so much, but it was also kind of ironically hilarious??? This is the second movie in the “Barbie and her Sisters + Puppies” series (which are terrible) but this one was special in how awful it was. 

Barbie is SUCH AN IRRESPONSIBLE SISTER. So they go on vacation to some tropical island and Barbie’s youngest sister has a dance recital to practice for, but Barbie just straight up tells her to not practice?? LIKE??? BARBIE?!

They also end up fucking deserted on this island. Everything you can think of goes wrong for them. It’s honestly incredible. At one point they’re stranded outside in the rain only eating granola bars by a fire. Barbie tries to cheer them up by playing this STUPID game called “imagine if” where they just name things that they wish would happen??? 

Oh and at the end Barbies sister ends up winning her dance recital when her whole family and an entire entourage of animals dance with her on stage. Cause, like, yeah, that’s totally fucking fair to the other contestants. 

GAYNESS RANK: All of these Puppy movies are absolutely not gay at all bc it’s literally just Barbie and her sisters with some puppies. Don’t expect too much.  

30. BARBIE AND HER SISTERS IN THE GREAT PUPPY ADVENTURE (2015)

This is the first movie in the Sisters + Puppies series and it’s pretty much just as bad as the other one, but at least Puppy Chase was funny. This one is really boring. Also forgot to mention that the puppies talk. It’s very annoying and absolutely ruins the movies. 

This movie on the surface kind of has a charming premise where they all go on vacation to the countryside/the midwest and experience a lot of small town things, and yet it doesn’t feel very genuine? As someone from the midwest I can confirm. 

Barbie and her sisters go on this treasure hunt that apparently their grandfather died trying to solve, and yet they manage to solve it within a couple days? caitlovesdisney explains it pretty well in her video if you wanna hear more about Puppy Adventure. I know you’re just dying to know more about Puppy Adventure. 

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie at one point talks to another woman who isn’t one of her sisters. Super exciting stuff. 

29. BARBIE THE PRINCESS AND THE POPSTAR (2012) 

Okaaaaay, like....... this one made us really. really. mad. 

So we’ve already mentioned how Barbie acts super privileged in some of these movies, but this is the one that made us notice it. The basic premise is that there’s a princess (Barbie) and a popstar (Who Cares) and they want to switch lives. 

But the thing is they already live amazing lives? So the other Barbie film that this one borrows from (The Princess and the Pauper) loses its meaning and drama? Instead of a rich girl and poor girl trading lives, it’s just two rich girls switching lives. 

ALSO! There’s this side plot where, within the castle, they have this tree that can GROW DIAMONDS? AND THAT’S THE SOURCE OF THE KINGDOM’S WEALTH? AND YET, LATER IN THE MOVIE, THERE ARE POOR PEOPLE LIVING IN POVERTY. SO WHAT THE FUCK IS THE DIAMOND TREE FOR?????

The only saving grace for this movie was that Barbie and the popstar were extremely gay. Like, having posters and pictures of each other in their rooms, gazing at each other dreamily from balconies, and subtly being very touchy-feely every time they’re together in person. That’s pretty much the only reason why it’s a bit higher than some of the others. 

GAYNESS RANK: One of the gayest ones. There are so many side glances and yearning. Shoulder touches and all that. We totally shipped these two by the end. In a different universe, in a better movie... these two could have been super cute together. 

28. BARBIE THE PEARL PRINCESS (2014)

Not much to say about this one. I hated it a lot more than my roommate did and I’m the one typing this all out sooooo I get the final say. I hate this movie so much. Barbie, once again, acted really privileged and was super unlikable. At one point she gets a job at a hair salon, which is kinda nice I guess? But then she’s automatically good at it without even trying? So... fuck off. 

Also there’s a seahorse with hair and it looked so ugly that I constantly wanted to cry. Please free me from the sleep paralysis demons that are the Barbie animal sidekicks. 

GAYNESS RANK: Nothing to report. The couple girls Barbie hangs out with were barely in the movie so there were no vibes. Sad. 

27. BARBIE IN ROCK N ROYALS (2015)

We’re getting to the mid-tier Barbie movies that we don’t have much to say about. My roommate and I just found the concept of this one to be really dumb? 

The outfits were very ugly and the singers were really bad. But there was a main character who was a black girl, which was really nice to see! They also went a little more punk than the typical frilly stuff which was nice to see. Not the worst but still ranked pretty low cause of the dumb premise and just being pretty boring overall. 

GAYNESS RANK: This one was decently gay, pretty mid-tier. Barbie had a great potential romance with the other main girl and the way they interacted was very sweet and cute. They both had male love interests but nothing really came of it which is kinda funny. Not too much going on but enough to get a mention. 

26. BARBIE PRINCESS CHARM SCHOOL (2011)

This was SO FRUSTRATING because it started out STRONG, but then crashed and burned really quickly. 

The movie starts out with Barbie working her ass off at a little diner to make ends meet at home. We see how her guardian can’t work and that she has a little sister and a home to support. It was really charming to see Barbie hustling to make money and felt so much more down-to-Earth than a lot of the other Barbie movies where she’s a princess and has everything she wants. 

Long story short, she wins this drawing to be enrolled in this Princess Charm School where you can learn to be royalty. In the end she finds out that she was the lost princess all along and then everything that was mentioned at the beginning is completely abandoned once this is found out. Just... super disappointing how a relatable Barbie depiction ends up being a princess all along :/

Also the fashion in this movie was super disappointing. They somehow managed to make preppy school girl outfits look bad. Sad. 

GAYNESS RANK: This one’s pretty much on the same level as Rock n Royals. There was some potential with Barbie and her friends but not much else. Next. 

25. BARBIE IN A MERMAID TALE 2 (2012)

Absolutely nothing to report. There’s some more surfing action in this one compared to the first one which is really nice. 

Imma be real with u chief... I barely remember what happens. She meets an Australian girl? She gets tricked by a French fish into transforming into a mermaid? Villain from the first movie comes back... Australian girl gets caught in a whirlpool... They save the day. 

There’s a pretty shitty part where the Australian girl wins the surfing competition but Barbie still somehow gets all the reporters’ attention and gets a sponsorship. It was sad and tbh we didn’t like that part. 

GAYNESS RANK: Gayer than most. Her and this girl have a rivalry which is pretty cute. They playfully tease each other while surfing all the time and tbh I could totally ship it. The Australian girl’s pretty spunky which is refreshing. Too bad her Australian accent was so obviously fake it was distracting. 

24. BARBIE FAIRYTOPIA (2005)

This one gets the award for the most boring Barbie movie. We both could not even try to bring ourselves to pay attention to this one, even if my roommate was nostalgic for it. Bibble was a highlight just cause we made fun of him the whole time but it was a short-lived high. That’s all. Here’s a creepy picture we found of the main character.

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie doesn’t have a love interest at all, which is like, a point... She hangs out with the blue fairy and they’re kinda cute. Not much else, though. 

23. BARBIE FAIRYTOPIA: MERMAIDIA (2006)

My roommate is really nostalgic for this one since they grew up with it, and yet they found it hard to pay attention at all. As did I. It was pretty boring. About a week went by after we watched this one and my roommate was trying to talk about it but I literally did not remember watching it until they showed me a picture of the ugly ass snail with huge lips and it jump scared me. You had to be there I guess. 

They were mermaids... Bibble was there... typical Barbie shit. This image pretty much perfectly describes how enthralling it was to watch this. 

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie and the blue mermaid are a little gay. The love interest was pretty funny and cute. He did have a thing for the blue mermaid so a couple gay points get deducted. 

22. BARBIE THE 12 DANCING PRINCESSES (2006) 

We know this one’s a classic, but we just found it to be very boring? I know this seems like a trend but we swear that we didn’t think all the Barbie movies are boring, it’s just the middle of the list. The dancing in this one was kind of nice and there was an interesting subplot where this lady was slowly poisoning their dad. 

The only thing that seemed silly was when they would stow away to the magical island... Like, why? The lady banned dancing but they could have just danced in their rooms. No one ever went in to check on them or they would have noticed they were gone anyway. So what the hell. 

Also Barbie and all of her other sisters looked exactly the same and it was hard to tell them apart. The love interest was pretty cute, though. 

GAYNESS RANK: Nothing, absolutely zippo. They’re all sisters and she had a nice romance with the guy so. 

21. BARBIE AND THE DIAMOND CASTLE (2008)

Gonna get this out of the way: There is basically nothing to report when it comes to the plot of this movie. Evil force upon the land. A villain. Animal sidekicks. Love interest/Ken who’s barely in the movie. Barbie defeats the evil and gets a new dress. THE END. BUT THAT’S NOT WHAT WE’RE HERE TO TALK ABOUT.

THIS MOVIE... IS SO GAY?

This was at the top of our gay Barbie list literally the entire time (until it was dethroned, but we’ll get to that later). This story LITERALLY revolves around Barbie and her “friend” who: live together in the same house, write songs together, dream about living in a mansion together, garden together, sing while gardening together... LIKE?? Holy shit, lesbian goals. 

At one point in the film they find two heart shaped rocks in the river and make them into necklaces, which they both wear to solidify their “friendship”. We are not making this up. This entire movie was comprised of us looking incredulously at each other every time they stared longingly at one another or mentioned how much they need each other. Evidence:

GAYNESS RANKING: Not gonna say it again. Top-tier gay. However, amazingly, not the gayest. We’ll get into that later. Regardless, we stan two beautiful lesbians living in the woods together where all they do is wear heart-shaped necklaces and sing songs about being rich one day. Amazing.

20. THUMBELINA (2009)

A Barbie movie with an environmental message, which is fine, I guess... Overall we just kinda found this movie annoying, but still a little bit better than other ones that were either insulting or just downright boring. Ferngully for babies? 

I... Wish I could say more. I’m sorry. It’s fine if you were going to show it to a kid, I guess. We also thought this one was kinda ugly as well. 

GAYNESS RANK: There are the two friends and we got no vibes. Absolutely zippo. Next. 

19. BARBIE MARIPOSA AND HER BUTTERFLY FAIRY FRIENDS (2008)

Another one where we just don’t have much to say? We’re now entering the “fine” category. I wouldn’t be really mad if someone made me rewatch it, but I wouldn’t be happy with it either. 

Barbie is also a bookworm in this one, but it’s done a lot better than Secret Door. It’s kind of nice how she’s considered an outcast in this one and has to work through that. Her love interest (Carlos, we remembered his name!) was funny and brought life to the movie. Overall pretty okay!

The bunny sidekick was kind of ugly, though. Can’t win in every category.

GAYNESS RANK: Has some promising potential, but doesn’t really deliver. Disappointing but not awful. 

18. BARBIE MARIPOSA AND THE FAIRY PRINCESS (2013)

This one is a lot better than the first! Surprisingly, this movie deals racism in a way that is easily digestible for children while also not making light of the issue. It’s not perfect, but we found it to do its job pretty well. 

It centers around Barbie meeting a princess (Barbie isn’t a princess for once, yay!) and while the two want to be friends, the princess is a crystal wing fairy and Barbie is a butterfly wing fairy, so the princesses father objects to them being friends. 

Also great time to mention that this was the second gayest Barbie movie for many many many reasons. And trust us, topping Diamond Castle is no easy feat. 

First of all, there are SEVERAL scenes where the crystal fairy princess is completely disinterested in what’s going on but, as soon as Barbie walks in, she gets really excited and gives her her full attention. It’s EXTREMELY cute. 

Second, there’s a Beauty and the Beast esque scene where the crystal fairy gives Barbie an entire library of books, since she remembers that she loves books. They also proceed to bond over what kind of books they like and watching them geek out over that is adorable. 

Third, they sneak off to a cave so that they can hang out without the crystal fairy’s father (the king) finding them. They then go to skip rocks on a lake and the ripples make rainbows. They also dance together at a ball, and there is just so much lingering eye contact and small touches. They’re cute and we ship. 

GAYNESS RANK: ALMOST top of the list. SUPER close. Not quite there, though. We weren’t expecting this one to be as gay as it was since it was a sequel movie, but thank god it was. 

17. BARBIE VIDEO GAME HERO (2017)

This... is a weird one? The basic plot is that Barbie is a programmer who makes video games. She gets sucked into a video game and they need her help to rid the game of viruses. We’re really conflicted about this movie so this will benefit from some good ol fashioned bullet points. 

- It’s really cool that Barbie’s a programmer and likes to play video games, and she’s not a princess! It was very nice and modern of them to include a story like this. Very refreshing after 30 or so Barbie movies that revolve around her being a princess.

- There’s a lot of side characters who join Barbie on her quest, but none of them are interesting or memorable...

- The art style changes between “levels”, and while a cute idea, they don’t take advantage of it enough! There are only three art style changes in the whole movie, and two out of the three are really ugly. 

- There is so much Just Dance product placement in this movie. It’s cringe. 

- The plot of this movie literally... makes no sense? They say that once Barbie wins the level, the viruses attacking that said level will be destroyed, but throughout the movie every time she wins they still don’t stop??? So that’s why she had to have a bunch of characters follow her around so they wouldn’t get attacked by viruses? SO WHAT IS SHE WINNING THE LEVELS FOR?

- This movie was probably the most baby out of all of them. While there’s nothing wrong with that, it was kind of a shock after we were watching all the other Barbie films, which are more targeted towards children to tweens. This one felt like it was for toddlers. 

- Overall this movie wasn’t bad, just very strange. Would maybe recommend? Fine for your kid to watch if they want something casual and fun that involves a girl gamer. Gamers rise up. 

GAYNESS RANK: No gay vibes at all, which is not a total epic gamer moment. Probs because this movie was very very baby so the vibes were nonexistent. Too bad since Barbie met up with a lot of cute girls. Gaymer oppression never ends :(. Press F.

16. BARBIE DOLPHIN MAGIC (2017)

We did it lads. We found The Gayest Barbie Movie that has Ever Existed.

Before we get to that, though, I hate to admit that this is one of the Barbie’s Sisters + Puppies movies, but it’s kind of hilarious because in this one they completely remove the puppies talking. I guess someone smartened up and realized that that was stupid and dumb. Thank god for them because it made the movie infinitely better. 

Plot is simple: Barbie and her sisters are on vacation and while they’re visiting the most boring man on Earth (Ken), an emerald dolphin gets trapped by an evil marine biologist who wants to sell the dolphin for money. Then a mermaid named Isla (yes we remember her name because she’s incredible) goes to save the dolphin with the help of Barbie (with minimal contributions from the others). 

I know we raved about how Fairy Princess was very gay, but just......... wow......... The difference between this and fairy princess is that Dolphin Magic literally has an entire scene dedicated to Barbie and Isla swimming together very closely with ethereal music, littered with cute giggling, lingering shoulder touches, and extended eye contact. Oh, also can’t forget the hand holding.

Don’t forget about the necklaces they give each other so that they can stay connected with each other no matter where they are in the world. There’s even a scene at the end where Isla mentions how Barbie kept trying to contact her multiple times off-screen, only validating Barbies insane girl crush on Isla. 

This may or may not be photoshopped but tbh I don’t give a damn. 

GAYNESS RANK: The gayest Barbie movie. These two were so adorable throughout the entire movie and we couldn’t even get into everything that made it so charming. There were many scenes where Isla was learning how to act like a human that were so sweet and endearing. Great Barbie movie if you’re looking for something sweet with some obvious lesbians. Go team. 

15. BARBIE NUTCRACKER (2001)

We had a lot to say about Dolphin Magic since it was gay, but now we’re getting back into the “it’s fine” category with Nutcracker. 

This movie is sweet and it’s pretty hard to fuck up a Nutcracker adaptation. There wasn’t a ton of ballet which was a little disappointing? They also didn’t play the whole soundtrack and stuck a lot of the good songs right at the end, which was odd. Our only real complaint was it kind of wasted its potential and it was slightly boring. 

Other than that, it’s a sweet Christmas movie if anyone really likes Barbie and the Nutcracker. My roommate grew up on the Nutcracker so regardless it can be pretty nostalgic for some. 

Also, Barbie is beautiful in this movie. 

GAYNESS RANK: There literally is not another female for Barbie to interact with in this movie. There were a couple guys who could have possibly given off vibes but we felt nothing so. 

14. BARBIE A FASHION FAIRYTALE (2010)

If there’s anything to say about this one, it’s definitely... interesting. 

So in this universe, Barbie is an actress, and she plays herself in a bunch of pre-existing Barbie movies (many of which that have already been mentioned on this list). It’s extremely meta and a little confusing???

Barbie basically gets fired from her job, Ken dumps her, and she goes to find herself in Paris with her fashion designer aunt. The most interesting thing we can really say about this movie is describing the beginning, because that was the best part by far. 

It’s also revealed that Ken did not actually dump her, so there’s a really charming side plot where Ken travels all the way from LA to Paris to sort it all out in person through a spontaneous act of romance. 

Ken ABSOLUTELY makes this movie. We quote him a lot when we’re just hanging out in the apartment. He is so cute and funny and loves Barbie so much, it’s adorable. Absolutely worth the watch to see a true himbo in action. 

Also, Ken and Barbie kiss at the end and we’re p sure this is the only movie where Barbie actually kisses any of her love interests. Fuck yeah. 

GAYNESS RANK: There’s no gayness, but that’s okay, because the romance between Barbie and Ken is adorable. I never want anything to get between these two :’)

13. BARBIE IN A CHRISTMAS CAROL (2008)

Not much more to say about this one other than it’s a Christmas Carol but with Barbie. It was interesting to see Barbie in a “Scrooge” role where she has to relearn how to be caring and kind. It was pretty down to Earth and felt very Christmas-y and festive. 

There was a very sweet plot of Barbie reconnecting with a girl she used to sing with as they were growing up. It was also interesting to see that while Barbie was growing up, her family would force her to practice singing rather than letting her go outside and live a normal life. This made Barbie feel a little more down-to-Earth. 

Sorry, we don’t really know what else to say. It’s fine. The cat is very ugly, though. 

GAYNESS RANK: There’s a scene at the end, after Barbie reconnects with her friend, where she’s holding her hands and giggling a lot. It was really cute to see them be friends and to be excited about the holidays together. A couple gay points were deducted since her friend did have a love interest, though.

12. BARBIE AND THE THREE MUSKETEERS (2009)

Not gonna lie, this one was a little... disappointing? We were really excited for this one since it’s a lot of people’s favorite, and the concept of Barbie being a musketeer (and not a princess :)) is exciting and fresh. 

The beginning of this movie was great!! Seeing Barbie practicing in the barn with her animals was just really sweet. She was wearing a cute outfit with pants a vest and the HAT. 

Though, as it went on, it started to drop off for us. The reveal of the musketeers at the end was really underwhelming, and we thought the outfits were a let down compared to Barbie’s earlier outfit in the movie. 

Other than those things, this movie was fun!! Watching all the girls be badass and learn how to fight with their unique weapons was awesome. Watching them team up was really satisfying. The prince guy was also pretty sweet. We would recommend watching this, esp if you remember it being your favorite.

GAYNESS RANK: Has a lot of gay energy!! There are a few scenes where people are outwardly sexist towards her and yet she strives to prove them wrong. When she meets the other girls, they are coached by this old lady who can kick ass. Even though it could have been gayer it was a good time.

11. BARBIE A FAIRY SECRET (2011)

Some people may be mad that we put this above Three Musketeers... whoops. 

Anyway this movie solely exists to give us more Amazing Ken content. This movie takes place in the same universe as Fashion Fairy Tale, so it’s the same Barbie and Ken from that movie. 

Our only complaint is that they took the domestic feel of Fashion Fairy Tale and turned it into something that had so much unnecessary magic?? Though at the same time we got A Vibe from this movie that the creators just wanted to make something silly, and it worked.

Ken is HILARIOUS in this movie, even better than Fashion Fairy Tale. Even though everyone turns into a fairy, the wings that they give Ken are small and pink and he can barely fly with them. It’s just so... funny? He also... mock-fights this other buff fairy guy?? Idk this movie is really hard to explain, sorry. We would definitely recommend this even if just for Ken. 

GAYNESS RANK: Ken is a himbo so he automatically attracts the lesbian crowd. There’s also a plot with Barbie where she makes up with this girl who had been mean to her for the longest time, but it’s done in a way that just feels... really gay? Or at least the girl is kinda gay and Barbie doesn’t exactly realize (since she’s in a committed relationship with Ken). This movie feels like it would be more appealing to gay people rather than being gay itself.

10. BARBIE AS THE PRINCESS AND THE PAUPER (2004)

A lot of people are probably going to be surprised that this isn’t in our top 5, but we want to stress that this movie is good!! These top 10 Barbie movies are getting into the territory where we would absolutely recommend them because they are cute and fun, and this is exactly that!

The songs in this movie are great! However, we do have to be a little bitter towards it since this started the trend of musical Barbie movies, and many of them are shitty and bad compared to this. 

The villain of this movie....... *chefs kiss* We also quote him constantly. 

This is an example of a Barbie movie where she’s a princess but it’s very endearing and done well. She rarely comes off as spoiled. She’s very smart and brave, and we see this through her actions rather than the movie just obnoxiously telling us that she is. Also the romance between the pauper and the king was very sweet. 

GAYNESS RANK: While this was a great set-up to be gay, it doesn’t follow through. We’re not bitter about it, though, since their love interests were very sweet. Pretty straight of them to have their cats fall in love, though :/

9. BARBIE AS THE ISLAND PRINCESS (2007)

When we first watched this one, we thought it was extremely boring and we were going to put it kind of low, but the more we thought about it we realized that it really did have a great plot.

They brought Barbie to civilization from her deserted island and people start getting sick, so they’re blaming Barbie for bringing diseases when in reality it’s the villain using rats to poison people’s food. Also, it was so charming and interesting to see Barbie’s love interest want to be an adventurer, and he had so much more personality than a lot of other Barbie Princes. While he’s not on Ken’s level, he was so sweet. 

All in all this one definitely had one of the tightest plots with great characters that really endears you to them. It’s a little slow but def worth the watch.

GAYNESS RANK: One of the least gay ones... Not mad though, the love interests were great. The peacock was kinda gay so... love wins. 

8. BARBIE OF SWAN LAKE (2003)

People will ALSO be surprised that this one is so low compared to other people’s Barbie movie lists. Please, trust us, we’re not crazy, it’s just... when you’ve watched 30+ other Barbie movies the initial charm of this kind of wears off. We both are very nostalgic for this movie and yet that couldn’t even bump it into the top 5. 

A couple things we can praise: The toys were AMAZING, Barbie’s dress is BEAUTIFUL and ICONIC, the dancing and music were very gorgeous. The dancing in this movie was mocapped from real ballet dancers, so, very nice.

But... the forest animals were kind of annoying? Their outfits were kind of cute but they were still annoying? The villain’s daughter’s VOICE was just... HORRENDOUS. With the villain in Princess and the Pauper, the guy’s voice was comical but it didn’t completely take you out of the movie. This chick, however, was being so over dramatic that it wasn’t even ironically funny, it was very cringey... Just bad voice acting all around. 

Also this movie was a lot more boring than we remember. 

REGARDLESS OF ALL OF THAT, this is a CLASSIC Barbie movie and we would still recommend checking it out at least once (and rewatching if you haven’t seen it since you were a kid). 

GAYNESS RANK: Nothing gay to report. Next.

7. BARBIE IN THE PINK SHOES (2013)

Another... strange one. 

So Barbie is a ballet dancer about to do a performance and when her shoes break down, she goes into a store room and finds a pair of pink ballet shoes. When she puts them on, she and her friend are teleported into this alternate dimension??? Where all ballets ever are happening at the same time??? And she’s the main lead for all of them?? At once?? And there’s this ice queen villain who controls people by making them dance???????

This was the first Barbie movie we watched (we put them all in a wheel and let that decide our fate) and it sure did set the tone. 

Plot doesn’t matter though, we need to talk about... Them. Only Pink Shoes fans will understand. 

So, there are these two guys... and they’re just like... really gay??? They inspired us to apply a gay ranking to these Barbie movies, if that tells you anything. One in a prince and the other is a commoner/hunter. There are so many scenes where it cuts away from Barbie to focus on these two playfully bantering with each other (enemies to lovers 100k slowburn)? The hunter guy teaches the other how to shoot a bow and arrow by touching him and guiding him into the right position? There’s also a scene where they meet back up with Barbie, but they only have two horses, so instead of Barbie riding with one of them they ride with each other and give her her own horse??? Respect women juice...

They also show up at the end just... together? (in real life not in the... Pink Shoes dimension) and it’s not explained what they’re doing together or even what their relationship is (friendship or otherwise). It truly was bizarre. 

GAYNESS RANK: This was on top for quite awhile since it was the first movie we watched. Unfortunately de-throned by Diamond Castle when we got around to it, but we still STAN these himbos. 

6. BARBIE AND HER SISTERS IN A PONY TALE (2013)

I... okay hear us out...

This movie is bad. Like, objectively it’s very very bad. It’s a baby movie, a Barbie and her sisters movie, it’s a horse girl movie, on top of everything... and yet... 

We probably had the most fun watching this one, like, we were glued to the fucking screen. We cried laughing multiple times because it was just so charmingly bad. 

Plot isn’t important, since my roommate and I keep forgetting what the real plot is. We only care about the British boys from the rivaling stable and how they just breeze in and out and run away on their horses laughing like frenchmen... even though they’re British. One of them uncannily resembles Malfoy from hp and is a sidekick to the main guy, it’s a little weird. 

There are also these two British kids and the girl is super weird? Like weird girl representation for real. Also there’s this Phillipe guy who was so fucking funny to listen to. Here’s Phillipe, you’re welcome.

Fuck you I’m not resizing the image. 

Oh also Barbie finds a magic horse with a pink mane. Phillipe wants to like, kill her for it, I guess. Yeah. 

GAYNESS RANK: While super fucking funny, not a lot of gay. It makes up for it with the mere presence of Phillipe. 

5. BARBIE AND THE MAGIC OF PEGASUS (2005)

This and the next entry are both tied for 4th place since it was extremely hard to choose between the two. We were both nostalgic for this and the next entry, but we were also really excited to find out that both of these are great movies!

So me personally, I was a horse girl growing up, and I ADORED this movie. I didn’t think it would be so good upon rewatch, but it actually was! The plot was pretty tight, the villain was fun, it felt like a genuine fairytale, the characters were cute and fun, and Barbie was intelligent and resourceful! 

Check this one out if you haven’t seen it, but now we’re going to talk about one of the best aspects of this movie, which is Barbie’s love interest. 

Unlike every single other Barbie bf, the love interest in this one (named Aiden) was literally almost a better character than Barbie herself. For the first time EVER they decided to give a Barbie love interest a BACKSTORY. And, like, a GOOD backstory. It made him feel like a real person and his story pulled at your heartstrings. 

Also, him and Barbie do not automatically get along, and for a decent amount of time they have witty banter with one another. It really lets their characters shine through the movie and was SO refreshing. 

We could rave about Aiden all day, but you guys should just go watch it for yourself, it really is worth it!

GAYNESS RANK: Not gay at all, but fine since the romance is so great. Moving on!

4. BARBIE AS RAPUNZEL (2002)

This movie is just... good. And not even good for a Barbie movie, it’s just a well-written movie overall! The plot was tight and remained interesting without being too complicated, either. Barbie’s animals were also pretty charming (even if the rabbit is ass ugly, but it’s 2002, they get a pass) and likable compared to other Barbie sidekicks. The dragon even has a little arc of her own??? Hell yeah. 

Don’t really have to explain the plot, it’s Rapunzel. The only difference is that she has a magical paintbrush that can teleport her to places that she paints, which helps the story progress. 

It also really did feel like Barbie was in mortal danger, which is so unlike every other Barbie movie. I was really glad to have grown up with this movie being my first exposure to Rapunzel, since I believe it’s a great introduction to her (and the toys were awesome, lol). This was another movie where Barbie being a princess was really great and charming since it felt earned since she went through hard times. 

Okay, like, we literally cannot go any further without mentioning something, stay with us...

In the movie, there’s, like, this weasel/ferret thing that belongs to the villain. He’s basically an animal villain, or whatever. 

I don’t really know how else to say this other than there’s this scene where he asks the villain to give him the rabbit and he outright just... moans????? The voice actor just... lets it out. It literally sounds like he’s getting a hand job in the recording booth in the middle of the line and just lets it all out and they kept that shit in, and then animated it???? 

We really wish we could include a video exclusively of that scene, but the best we can do is just link the video and give you a time stamp (37:49). PLEASE watch it. We have been quoting it every single day since we watched the damn movie.

GAYNESS RANK: No gay. Nothing to report. Barren. Probably the least gay. 

3. BARBIE SPY SQUAD (2016)

All due respect to the original queen caitlovesdisney, but like, she’s wrong about Spy Squad. Listen. 

This movie was SO MUCH FUN. We were literally just glued to the screen and having a great time watching these three girls chase after this cute af phantom thief chick??? They had tons of cops-and-robbers dialogue with her and it was just... FUN. Almost like a thriller, tbh. 

caitlovesdisney did make a great point in her video when she mentioned that they were actually pretty bad at being spies, and we can totally see why this would be super frustrating to people if they were watch. However, my roommate and I didn’t mind? We thought it was charming that they weren’t automatically great at something and that they had to practice a ton to get better. So much more refreshing compared to other Barbie stories. 

The elephant in the room, though... we have to talk about Lazlo. 

Barbie’s friend (Theresa) has the cutest fucking romance with the boy who builds all their spy equipment throughout the movie. They’re both really nerdy, but they don’t shove it down your throat and act annoying about it? It literally just comes up in casual conversation between the two of them and they just have fun talking about things they like. It was so fucking cute and it made the movie that much better. 

GAYNESS RANK: This movie is REALLY REALLY... APPEALING to gay people, even though it’s not really gay itself. The phantom thief, the spy outfits, all the girls riding motorcycles, the leather, the cool spy equipment... It just felt like it would appeal to a lot of gay people (and it did, cause we fuckin liked it). This movie is good. Please watch it and don’t let its low ranking on other lists dissuade you. We are right and they are wrong. 

2. THE BARBIE DIARIES (2006)

Before yall say anything, we know that this movie is fucking ugly. We clowned on some of the other movies for being ugly but this one truly takes the ugly cake. 

HOWEVER, that did not prevent this movie from being good. We fucking loved it. 

FIRST OF ALL, Barbie is in high school???? Which was so fresh to see???? There’s no magic, no princesses. It’s literally just a down-to-Earth teen drama movie involving Barbie, her friends, a love interest, and some mean girls. 

This had a really interesting plot that was actually kind of... complicated???? Dare I say??? We’re not stupid. There was just so much going on involving couples breaking up and getting back together, Barbie changing her motivations, how her friends react to what she’s doing, just... so much.

The only real criticism we have of this one is that the apology in this one was pretty rushed and didn’t feel Barbie’s friends should have forgiven her so easily for the shit she did. Other than that, though, this was a pretty great teen drama that I would highly recommend. I would definitely watch this one again, regardless of how ugly it is. 

GAYNESS RANK: Barbie had a clear love interest with a guy that was super sweet (sorry we didn’t mention him but he’s one of the better love interests, love u Kev) but mean girl teen drama is always a little gay? Plus how she would go back and forth between social circles was interesting. Also her and her friends are in a band, which is always cool and appealing to the gays, at least. 

1. BARBIE STARLIGHT ADVENTURE (2016)

We did it. We made it to the end. If there’s even one person who read this at all I would thank you but... you’ve lost along with us. BUT AT LEAST WE GET TO TELL YOU ABOUT STARLIGHT ADVENTURE. YES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

This movie came out NOWHERE and fucking PUNCHED US IN THE FACE. When the wheel picked this one, we were starting to get burned out, and thought that since this was a newer Barbie movie it wouldn’t be very good. Boy, were we fucking wrong. 

This movie is so INTERESTING and HANDS DOWN has the best portrayal of Barbie as a character. This took such an interesting perspective on space travel, sci-fi, a slightly dystopian YA setting... it has so much going on but never feels like too much. 

Can we just start with how GORGEOUS this movie looks and how CUTE Barbie’s design is?!

She’s wearing a VEST and PANTS!!!!! FUCK YES. 

Anyway, the plot: She lives with her dad on this deserted planet, and she takes care of the animals, while also riding a hoverboard competitively. She’s contacted by some galactic king to join a team and fix the alignment of the stars? (sorry if it’s not exactly right lol its 4am). When accepting, she also meets this girl that she had been competing with at hoverboard competitions, and they develop a really sweet friendship with each other and a few other friends/teammates. 

Unlike the other Barbie movies, we kind of understand why everyone else looks up to Barbie as a leader figure. She makes decisions confidently and goes through so much character development. Even the villain goes through a sort of redemption arc, and it’s done fairly well!!! This is so much different from other Barbie movies. 

This feels like it could be, like, a legitimate movie that could be played in theaters rather than a straight-to-DVD Barbie movie. The animation in this was GORGEOUS, like miles better than 99% of the other movies. Plus, cute animal sidekick (FINALLY). 

We can’t gush about this enough, people should be made aware of this movie. It’s completely worth your time. IT’S ALSO ON NETFLIX. 

GAYNESS RANK: This is another one that’s moreso appealing to gay people rather than being gay itself. However, Barbie and the other girl that rides the hoverboard have a few really gay scenes, such as meeting up in a garden late at night and riding around. They giggle and laugh with each other and have a deep conversation about life and shit while staring up at the (gorgeously animated) sky. That def gets some points. 

That’s it those are all the 36 Barbie movies ranked based off of nothing but pure............................ hubris? Stupidity? Pride? I don’t know. I’m so sorry. We fucking hated watching most of these. 

Except for Starlight Adventure.... You can stay.

#barbie #barbie movies #ranking #tier list #how do i tag this....... #chan shut up #please read this we need validation #i'm so tired its beddy bye bro

[lukalovesyou]

Reddie Playlist

Hey! Ok so I’ve been working on this Reddie playlist for a while now and I’ve finally decided to put it out! It’s available on Spotify, Apple Music, and YouTube. This 45 song playlist is takes you from before It ch 1 until after It ch 2 and it’s pretty much just Richie’s perspective with Eddie’s sprinkled in. It works best if you listen to it full way through without shuffling it, it’s supposed to tell a story! I’m gonna leave a guideline to everything under the links to the playlists so you can follow along if you want! I really hope you guys enjoy, please leave me feedback because I’d love that! Special thanks to my girlfriend @jivs-jam for helping me find songs and for owning the Apple Music Playlist. Another thanks to my sister for listening to it through with me before I put it out and to you for listening!

Here it is!!

~Storyline~

Key:

•Richies POV

•Eddies POV

•Both POV

•important song

•song quote

By your side by Mellah

This song is meant to establish their friendship as it’s the beginning of the playlist. Richie and Eddie are best friends, obviously, and they always have each other’s back.

“You need not ask me for more ‘cause friend I’d give you it all, to have and to hold, when you’re down, when you fall”

La Lune by Madeon ft. Dan Smith

Richie is beginning to feel differently about Eddie as he’s getting older even thought nothings really changed between them. He can’t pinpoint what’s wrong but he’s worried about the change.

“Does it matter if we change? Does it matter at all? Don’t you worry about me, Friend, don’t you worry at all”

could this be love? By saturn 17

Richie realizes that his feelings towards Eddie are no longer simply friendly and have crossed over into crush territory. He notices everything Eddie does and he absolutely admires him. By the end he’s trying to push it down and convince himself his feelings aren’t real.

“I’ve never felt like this before. Oh, I’ve never had this feeling till I saw her. She’s making me feel like this could be love, but who knows, could it be love?”

Walking All Day by Graham Coxon

Pretty much just Riche doing anything to make Eddie smile or laugh. He just wants to be near him 🥺

“Walkin’ all day with my mouth on fire trying to get talkin’ to you”

Wonderwall by Oasis

Richie wants to tell Eddie everything he feels but he can’t.

“Because maybe you’re gonna be the one that saves me cause after all, you’re my wonderwall”

Sleepover by Hayley Kiyoko

Richie wants him and Eddie to be more than friends but he knows he can’t tell Eddie that. Like in La Lune, they are doing things they would usually do, like have sleepovers and such, but it all feels different now.

“Even when you’re next to me it’s not the way I’m picturing, no.”

Why Not Me by Alexander Rybak

Richie is happy that they’re friends but he wants more. He’s distraught that he isn’t what Eddie might want.

“You wonder who your date will be. I wonder, Katherine, why not me?”

Daisy by Zedd

Eddie is beginning to catch feelings for Richie as well. He acknowledges how troubled Richie seems and wishes he could tell him just how much he means to him.

“Let me show you how a kiss should taste. Trust me, I won’t give your heart away. Why you running, running, when I’ve got it right here? Oh, I would love you if you let me.”

Space Age Love Song by A Flock Of Seagulls

Just imagine Richie and Eddie doin cute shit like going to a museum or whateva and falling for each other even more without the other one knowing 😌

“I saw your eyes and you touched my mind, although it took a while, I was falling in love.”

Your Love Song, Pt. 2 by HUNNY

I usually just imagine Richie singing to this song in his room thinking about Eddie but for the purpose of this playlist, Richie is finding it harder to mask his feeling. Eddie seems to be vibing, though, so Richie begins to think he might just have a shot.

“Baby, I want to be part of your love song. Maybe I already am.”

Boyfriend by Big Time Rush

This is self explanatory (and self indulgent.) Richie isn’t saying this to Eddie bUt he’s hyping himself up so he can finally ask Eddie out.

“Don’t be scared to come, put your trust in me. Can’t you see? All I really wanna be is your boyfriend.”

Jenny by Studio Killers

This is the get together song!! Richie finally tells Eddie how he feels and Eddies gay ass obviously recuperates his feelings. I personally imagine them in their Freshman year of high school when this takes place, just to put things into perspective.

“I wanna ruin our friendship, we should be lovers instead. I don’t know how to say this cause you’re really my dearest friend.”

I Wanna Waste My Time on You by The Crookes

This is the beginning of the “Honeymoon” phase of their relationship, a theme that prevails for the next few songs (until Yellow Cloud). They spend every second with each other, more than normal. It’s just a feel good new love type song. The idea of escapism is started here and prevails until the end of their teenage years.

“I wanna waste my time on you, waste my time on you. Spinning round the skyline, when everything was new.”

Lay By Me by firekid

Another song in the “Honeymoon” phase. Very wholesome and cute, just two idiots in love.

“I’ll show you the world tonight as long as you say you’re mine.”

Talk Too Much by COIN

Richie’s a Trashmouth. That’s it. You can imagine they’re on a date, idk I just had to do it to em.

“You know I talk too much. Honey, come put your lips on mine and shut me up.”

Yellow Cloud by Trixie Mattel

As they become more serious and as they get deeper into their teenage years, Eddie dreams of getting out of Derry with Richie in tow. The “Honeymoon” phase of being overly clingy may be over, but they love each other just as much as before.

“When we’re older, we stay the same. Couple of losers who won the game.”

Everlong by Foo Fighters

Richie wants nothing to ever change between them, but he’s afraid that he might do something wrong, his inner insecurities attacking him. He just wants everything to work out, and Eddie assures him it will.

“And I wonder when I sing along with you if everything could ever feel this real forever, if anything could ever be this good again.”

Wouldn’t It Be Nice by The Beach Boys

Richie and Eddie talk about the future outside of Derry.

“Wouldn’t it be nice if we were older? Then we wouldn’t have to wait so long. And wouldn’t it be nice to live together in the kind of world where we belong?”

Come on Eileen by Dexys Midnight Runners

I imagine this song as their first Homecoming dance together, probably around their Sophmore year of high school. Richie is hyping up his boyfriends obviously. You can take this song with its intended meaning but they babies so 🥺 imma pretend I didn’t hear that.

“Come on Eileen. Oh I swear, at this moment you mean everything.”

Two Men in Love by The Irrepressibles

They feel so deeply in love as the relationship slowly builds and they plan on running away with each other after they graduate. I also imaging them coming out to the losers about their relationship in this song.

“There’s a strange love inside, it’s getting louder, and louder, and louder, and louder, and louder. There’s a danger I can’t hide. Who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am, it’s who I am. I’m in love.”

Roman Holiday by Halsey

Richie gets his licence during his Junior year and they escape Derry for the weekend. This also symbolizes Eddie’s wish to run away with Richie and how that want keeps getting stronger.

“Feet first, don’t fall, or we’ll be running again.”

Eddie Baby by Felix Hagan & the Family

This boy is in love. That’s it. Oh and it’s like near the end of Junior year.

“Oh Eddie, baby, Won’t you come to my arms tonight? I beg and plead you please succumb to my charms tonight.”

18 by One Direction

It’s their Senior year and Eddie gets accepted into a good school out of state. Eddie promises to visit/write/call Richie until Richie has enough money to leave Derry and join Eddie. They both reflect on their relationship over past few years.

“All I can do is say that these arms were made for holding you. I wanna love like you made me feel when we were 18.”

Eddie My Love by The Chordettes

Richie writes Eddie a letter after he leaves for college. Eddie obviously doesn’t get it, and if he did he still wouldn’t have known who Richie was.

“Eddie, please write me one line. Please tell me your love is still only mine. Please, Eddie, since you’ve been gone.”

Malibu 1992 by COIN

Richie and Eddie “break up”, aka Richie never hears from Eddie again and he accepts that he’s probably never gonna hear from him again. Richie convinces himself that Eddie has grown tired of him. He revisits the Kissing Bridge and mourns the loss of his relationship. He tries to convince himself that he’s over Eddie but he knows he can’t be.

“Oh, I did it again, I did it again. Oh I did it again, I must still want you. Our names carved in the pavement, sealed by what’s left of our handprints, now.”

Slow Dances by Winnetka Bowling Leauge

Richie is leaving Derry to pursue standup in California. As he drives away from his hometown he thinks of Eddie one last time. Then he forgets.

“That’s how I knew you, talking with your fast hands, saving all your slow dances. I wish I was there with you.”

La Belle Femme by HUNNY

Twenty One years have gone by since Richie left Derry and Twenty Seven years have gone by since Pennywise terrorized the Losers Club. Richie gets his call from Mike and remembers all the losers- especially Eddie. He remembers his crush but not their relationship. While he doesn’t think he still likes him, he mourns the “lost opportunities” from decades ago.

“What I would do if I was with you in the other room. Dreaming of you, is all I can do, from the other room.”

Sober Up by AJR

Once he sees Eddie again, he’s like “shit I’m still gay” and drinks a shit ton of alcohol, so basically just what happens in the movie. He also reflects on all he remembers now, not just stuff about Eddie but the losers in general.

“Won’t you help me sober up? Growing up, it made me numb, and I wanna feel something again.”

Happily by One Direction

Best way to summarize this is “Wait Eddie you got married? You mean to like a woman?”. Richie is pretty much just jealous of Myra and he wishes he could have Eddie to himself.

“I know you wanna leave, so c’mon baby, be with me so happily.”

Self Control by DallasK

As they return to the townhouse, Richie knows in his mind that both he and Eddie need to leave before Richie does something he’ll regret, especially because Eddie is married. He never verbalizes it.

“I wanna hold you close but I keep telling myself that you should run away cause you got somebody else.”

Parking Lot by HUNNY

Richie’s upset over missed opportunities. He wants nothing more than to be with Eddie but he know he can’t. Unbeknownst to him, he’s wasting his time with Eddie by worrying over lost time.

“I should’ve kissed that girl in the parking lot, I never told her what I wanted to say. I could’ve cracked my head in the parking lot, you never know.”

Raspberry by Grouplove

Eddie has feelings for Richie and gets flustered over him as if he were a teenager again. He tries to explain it away and rationalize it in his mind.

“Cause I was walking in a dream, what you mean? How you been? I never knew I’d get so red.”

Total Eclipse of the Heart by Bonnie Tyler

They are about to go against Pennywise for the second and final time. They both mentally promise themselves that when/if they get out of there alive they’re gonna confess their feelings to each other. They can’t waste anymore time withholding how they feel.

“And I need you now tonight, and I need you more than ever, ans if you only hold me tight, we’ll be holding on forever.”

Fight for Me by Barrett Wilbert Weed (Heathers)

Eddie believes he killed Pennywise and Richie has never felt more in love in his life. He wants Eddie, nothing more and nothing less. He wants to make him and Eddie work. Then like Pennywise is homophobic or whateva.

“And hey, could you face the crowd? Could you be seen with me and still act proud? Hey, could you hold my hand and could you carry me through no mans land?”

Breezeblocks by alt-J

Richie confesses his feelings for Eddie to Eddie before he dies.

“Please don’t go, Please don’t go. I love you so, I love you so.”

Arms Tonite by Mother Mother

Eddie wants to tell Richie that he feels the same and he knows he doesn’t have a lot of time left.

“I cried in the afterlife. I cry hard because I have died and you’re alive”

Smarter Ways Of Saying It by HUNNY

This is the death song. I don’t know what else to say besides I’m sad.

“I ask you to hold my hand as we fall asleep and I forget your face.”

(I Just) Died In Your Arms by Cutting Crew

Eddie is dead and he regrets so much in the afterlife :(( my heart </3

“Oh, i just died in your arms tonight, it must’ve been something you said.”

Open Your Eyes by Snow Patrol

Richie is in denial about Eddies death and he has to be dragged out of Neibolt. So just think of the “we gotta get him outta here” scene.

“Take my hand, knot your fingers through mine and we'll walk from this dark room for the last time. Every minute from this minute now we can do what we like anywhere. I want so much to open your eyes cause I need you to look into mine.”

How to Save a Life by The Fray

Richie regrets not making good use of time and he blames himself for Eddie’s death as the losers comfort him in the quarry.

“Where did I go wrong? I lost a friend, somewhere along in the bitterness.”

Jet Pack Blues by Fall Out Boy

Richie re-carves R+E into the Kissing Bridge and remembers everything. All his childhood/teenage memories, all the good and bad times, but most importantly he remembers his relationship with Eddie. He leaves Derry, still remembering everything even after he arrives back in California. He wishes Eddie could have gone home with him.

“I’ve got those Jet Pack Blues. Fight off the light tonight and just stay with me. Honey, don’t you leave.”

In This Shirt by The Irrepressibles

Richie wishes he can tell Eddie just how much he means to him. All he has to comfort him once he gets back home is some of Eddies belonging that he took with him, including a few of his hoodies.

“In this shirt I can be you, to be near you, for a while.”

Take On Me (MTV Unplugged) by a-ha

Richie is beginning to go through all the stages of grief and is slowly coming to terms with Eddies death.

“I’m odds and ends but I’ll be stumbling away slowly learning that life is ok.”

Letter by Mother Mother

Richie uses writing as a way to cope, whether it’s writing his own comedy routines (finally) or writing Eddie letters that he knows will never get to him no matter how hard he tries.

“I miss my lover, yeah I write letter everyday. The only thing is that my lover don’t ever write me.”

Vanilla Twilight by Owl City

Richie has finally come to terms with Eddies passing and has begun to live his life like he normally would, the only difference being the support he now has from his friends. He still thinks about Eddie daily, however, and still loves him all the same. He could never forget him.

“But I swear I won't forget you. Oh, if my voice could reach back through the past, I'd whisper in your ear, ‘Oh darling, I wish you were here’”

Thank you if you’ve made it this far!! I really hope you enjoyed!! I have an Alternate version of this playlist I’m gonna finalize and put out soon. Anyways have an amazing day/night! Again, I hope you enjoyed!

#reddie #it #it stephen king #it by stephen king #richie #richie tozier #eddie #eddie kaspbrak #it chap 1 #it chapter one #it ch 1 #it chap 2 #it chapter 2 #it ch 2 #richie x eddie #eddie x richie #reddie playlist #luka’s playlists #luka’s reddie playlist

[liv-delano97]

Get To Know your friends!

This is the most unique one I’ve seen, please yes. 1) Put your iTunes on shuffle. Give me the first 6 songs that pop up. 1) Jump The Gun - Adore Delano 2) Mama Don't Make Me Put on the Dress Again - Trixie Mattel 3) Dynamite - Adore Delano 4) You Want My Sister - 1 Hour Band feat. Joe Sugg 5) My Address is Hollywood - Adore Delano 6) Read You Wrote You - RuPaul feat. Alaska, Katya, Roxxxy, Detox 2) If you could meet anyone on this earth, who would it be? Adore Delano or Katya 3) Grab the book nearest to you, turn to page 23, give me line 17. I don't have access to a book right now :( 4) What do you think about most? Cancer, what I'm going to do after I'm cured, alcohol, RuPaul's Drag Race 5) Ever had a poem or song written about you? Nope. Not yet 6) Do you have any strange phobias? Spiders? Is that weird I don’t think so anyway 7) What’s your religion? I have an infesting realationshop with god 8) If you are outside, what are you most likely doing? Swimming or Reading 9) Simple but extremely complex. Favorite band? Oh shit! Do I have to pick just one? Umm One Direction or Green Day 10) What was the last lie you told? I'm Fine 11) Do you believe in karma? Depends 12) What does your URL mean? Uhm? It is for Loki from Marvel 13) What is your greatest weakness; your greatest strength? I constantly think I’m not good enough. Though I think i'm not good enough, I feel I spread postivity to others the best 14) Who is your celebrity crush? Adore Delano and Tom Hiddleston 15) How do you vent your anger? Music, art, something creative 16) Do you have a collection of anything? Movies? 17) Are you happy with the person you’ve become? At this moment yes but I have some more growing up to do as well 18) What’s a sound you hate; sound you love? Screeching, music 19) What’s your biggest “what if”? What if I actually make it as a singer. 20) Do you believe in ghosts? How about aliens? Ghost; yes aliens; no 21) Stick your right arm out; what do you touch first? Do the same with your left arm. A pillow and a stranger things poster 22) Smell the air. What do you smell? My sea shore candle 23) What’s the worst place you have ever been to? Hospital 24) Most attractive singer/s of your opposite gender? Adore Delano, Alaska Thunderfuck 25) To you, what is the meaning of life? To love and be loved 26) Do you drive? If so, have you ever crashed? Yes and one 27) What was the last movie you saw? To All the Boys I've Loved Before 28) What’s the worst injury you’ve ever had? I broke my wrist playing kickball 29) Do you have any obsessions right now? Drag Race, Adore Delano, Bianca Del Rio, Katya and Trixie, Spiderman, Loki 30) Ever had a rumor spread about you?yep 31) Do you tend to hold grudges against people who have done you wrong? Nope 32) What is your astrological sign? Cancer 33) What’s the last thing you purchased? A shot of whiskey 34) Love or lust? Love 35) In a relationship? I wish 36) How many relationships have you had?1 37) What is your secret weapon to get someone to like you? Just being myself and I hope and pray it works 38) Where is your best friend? At college in a different state :( 39) What were you doing last night at 12 AM? Dancing and drinking 40) Are you the kind of friend you would want to have as a friend? I hope so 41) You are walking down the street on your way to work. There is a dog drowning in the canal on the side of the street. Your boss has told you if you are late one more time you get fired. What do you do? Save the dog and say Fuck off to the boss 42) You are at the doctor’s office and she has just informed you that you have approximately one month to live. a) Do you tell anyone/everyone you are going to die? No b) What do you do with your remaining days? Live it up c) Would you be afraid? No being afraid takes up to much time 43) What’s a song that always makes you happy when you hear it? Moments - One Direction and I Adore You - Adore Delano 44) In your opinion, what makes a great relationship? Trust 45) How can I win your heart? Be yourself 46) Can insanity bring on more creativity? Hell yes if we were sane Tumblr wouldn’t exist 47) What is the single best decision you have made in your life so far? To be myself and to watch Drag Race 48) What would you want to be written on your tombstone? Don't cry that I'm gone, celebrate that I was even there. or Party! 49) Give me the first thing that comes to mind when you hear the word “heart.” Break 50) Basic question; what’s your favorite color/colors? Purple 51) What is your current desktop picture? Adore Delano 52) If you could press a button and make anyone in the world instantaneously explode, who would it be? Jake Paul 53) What would be a question you’d be afraid to tell the truth on? When was your first kiss? 54) You accidentally eat some radioactive vegetables. They were good, and what’s even cooler is that they endow you with the super-power of your choice! What is that power? To Defeat Thanos 55) You can re-live any point of time in your life. The time-span can only be a half-hour, though. What half-hour of your past would you like to experience again? Any time with my best friend. 56) You can erase any horrible experience from your past. What will it be? My brother passing away 57) You have the opportunity to sleep with the music-celebrity of your choice. Who would it be? You guessed it - Adore Delano 58) You just got a free plane ticket to anywhere. You have to depart right now. Where are you gonna go? Brighton 59) Ever been on a plane?no 60) Give me your top 5 hottest celebrities. Adore Delano, Alaska Thunderfuck, Katya Zamolodchikova, Dan Howell, Tom Holland Please do it!

#adore delano #alaska thunderfvck 5000 #rupaul's drag race #tom holland #tom hiddleston #get to know the blogger #katya zamolodchikova #danisnotonfire #YOU TRY

[artificialqueens]

wingwomen ch2 (trixya, shalaska) - lale

A/N: thanks for all the feedback on chapter 1! Keep looking out for new installments this week :)

Alaska grumbled to herself as she walked into her social studies class, swinging her bag onto her desk and dropping into her seat. Her phone buzzed where it was tucked into the waistband of her skirt, and she took it out and saw that she had a whatsapp.

Bozo 🤡: don’t embarrass me!

Bozo 🤡: just be nice to her. casual. don’t be weird!

Bozo 🤡: i mean it

Queen of the snakes 🐍: calm down, weirdo, this was all your idea!

Bozo 🤡: and it’s a fucking good one! i want you to tell me every single thing you say.

Queen of the snakes 🐍: she just walked in. i told her you’re in love with her.

Bozo 🤡: 😡😡😡

Bozo 🤡: what’s she wearing??? That dress yesterday was amazingly hideous. kinda love it, kinda wanna burn it

Alaska looked up, watching Katya cross the room and take a seat at the desk diagonally behind her own.

 Queen of the snakes 🐍: all pink, super cute!

Bozo 🤡: ??????

Queen of the snakes 🐍: 😂

Bozo 🤡: you fucking bitch, die

Queen of the snakes 🐍: today’s outfit is a shirt with at least four patterns on. All horrible. She’s got a bow in her hair, though.

Bozo 🤡: omfg

Queen of the snakes 🐍: it’s black. I think she might be wearing a necklace made of cigarettes?

Bozo 🤡: stop lying you rotted whore!

Queen of the snakes 🐍: im not! i’ll send you a snapchat

Bozo 🤡: don’t you fucking dare!!! She’ll think you’re a total freak

Queen of the snakes 🐍: i can be sneaky!!

Bozo 🤡: 😡

Queen of the snakes 🐍: fine, weirdo. i’ll text you after class

Bozo 🤡: BE NICE ABOUT ME

Alaska tucked her phone away again, rolling her eyes at Trixie overdramatic reaction. Yes, maybe she had a tiny, miniscule crush on Sharon Needles, but she’d never gone this crazy over her, especially not when she’d only just met her. Apart from that time she’d walked into a door because she was distracted by Sharon back in their Freshman year, but that had only been because Sharon had just dyed her hair peroxide blonde for the first time and Alaska hadn’t been able to resist staring at her.

She took a deep breath, then plastered a grin onto her face as she turned to face Katya.

“Hiee!” she chirped, crossing one long leg neatly over the other. Katya blinked at her in surprise, full red lips parted.

Hi?” she repeated, sounding unsure of herself.

“My name’s Alaska. What’s yours?” Alaska asked. Of course, she already knew exactly who she was, but she didn’t think that was the best way to introduce herself.

“Katya,” Katya replied, still looking a little wary. “You are one of the cheerleaders, yes?”

“Yeah!” Alaska agreed, pleased for an easy way to try to steer the conversation towards Trixie.

“You stare at us yesterday,” Katya said, eyes narrowing. “You and the one who look like pink doll.”

“Barbie?” Alaska asked, feeling her stomach sink at the hostile turn in Katya’s tone.

“Da! Her name is Barbie also?” she replied, cocking her head.

“No! Her name’s Trixie. She just looks like a Barbie,” Alaska explained. Katya crossed her arms over her chest.

“I have seen Heathers movie. Cheerleaders are bitches, you do not stare to be nice,” she said.

“No! We’re nice, I swear,” Alaska said, her face hot with embarrassment. Had they been that obvious in the way they’d been watching Sharon and Katya the day before? Had Sharon always noticed Alaska stealing glances at her?

“Is because Sharon is gay?” Katya asked bluntly.

“Of course not. I’m gay, and so is Trixie. She’s the head of the LGBT club here,” Alaska said, proud of herself for bringing things back to Trixie.

“Oh. And Barbie is your girlfriend?” Katya asked, sounding curious now. Alaska felt triumphant, like she’d successfully defused a bomb.

“Oh, no way. I mean, we kissed once, but it was gross, like kissing my sister. I mean, she’s not a bad kisser! Far from it. I’ve only heard good things. Not that kisses a lot of girls! But she has kissed some, and lots of people want to kiss her!” Alaska felt like she was watching herself from outside her body as she rambled on, her words getting quicker and voice higher as she dug herself deeper and deeper into a hole. As soon as she got the chance to talk Trixie up she’d managed to insult her kissing skills, suggest she was a slut and ended up talking absolute garbage.

Katya was smiling at her, though, apparently amused by her nonsense rambling. Or maybe she just hadn’t understood it all, Alaska thought hopefully.

“You are weird,” she decided, giving Alaska an approving nod.

“Yeah,” Alaska agreed, shrugging. “So, Trixie and I usually have lunch –“ She was cut off by their teacher shouting over the chatter in the room, getting everyone’s attention, and Katya shifted her focus before Alaska could finish inviting her to lunch with them. Oh well, she’d still made progress. It seemed that they hadn’t made the best impression on Katya, but she thought she’d managed to talk her around.

Queen of the snakes 🐍: she asked me about you

Bozo 🤡: ?????????

Queen of the snakes 🐍: she kept calling you Barbie

Bozo 🤡: today is the day i die

Bozo 🤡: this is the best moment of my LIFE

Bozo 🤡: did she say anything else???

Queen of the snakes 🐍: pretty sure she hated us before i talked to her

Bozo 🤡: omg why

Queen of the snakes 🐍: she saw us staring yesterday. i think sharon doesn’t like us

Bozo 🤡: but Katya doesn’t hate me now, right??

Queen of the snakes 🐍: thanks for the sympathy bitch

Bozo 🤡: Sharon hates everyone, it’s her thing

Queen of the snakes 🐍: you’re so helpful

Bozo 🤡: don’t you worry, i’m gonna change her mind. i’m the best wingwoman!

Queen of the snakes 🐍: who exactly have you been a wingwoman for??

Bozo 🤡: Shea and Sasha, at Pearl’s holiday party!!!

Queen of the snakes 🐍: drunkenly crying over them when you found them making out doesn’t count as being a wingwoman

Bozo 🤡: close enough! trust me, this is going to be amazing. she’ll be in love with you by lunch

***

Usually, Trixie was one of the first ones to all of her classes. She was a good student, and she liked to take a moment to settle herself before class began so that she could focus properly. Today, however, she forced herself to hang around by her locker until just before the bell for next period rang. She was one of the last people to arrive at her Algebra class, which left only one seat for her to take – the one next to Sharon Needles at the back of the classroom.

“Shit, how can you even see from back here? Do I need glasses?” she muttered to herself, squinting at the board. Really, she thought to herself, the things she sacrificed for Alaska. She was a great friend.

She couldn’t believe Katya had asked about her. Had she made an impression on her already? She couldn’t help the small, excited grin that spread across her face. Did Katya think she was cute? Alaska would have said if Katya had been asking because she thought her makeup was awful or something. 

Knowing Alaska’s conversation with Katya had gone so well made her determined to do her part for her best friend. Her immediate crush on Katya had given her a little taste of how Alaska must have been feeling this whole time for Sharon, and Trixie didn’t know how she didn’t go insane with it. She felt like she was buzzing, filled with pent up nervous energy as she considered what Katya thought of her, and what would happen if she tried to talk to her. She couldn’t! She was too nervous. It made sense now why Alaska had always resisted her urges to just suck it up and talk to Sharon. It didn’t matter, anyway; Trixie was going to make this happen for her. 

The advantage to sitting in the back of the room was that she could talk to Sharon without being overheard as long as she was careful. They’d had several classes together over the years, but Trixie had never actually really talked to her before; Sharon always kept to herself, and Trixie usually partnered with Pearl or Fame if she needed to. Today, though, she was going to make the effort for Alaska.

“Sharon,” she hissed, leaning over towards her.

“No,” Sharon said, not missing a beat. She didn’t even look at Trixie, focused on scratching chips of black paint off of her nails. Trixie blinked at her, taken aback.

“But I just –“

“No,” Sharon repeated. Trixie gaped at her. She hadn’t prepared for Sharon refusing to even talk to her. This never happened – she was a cheerleader! Everyone always wanted to talk to the cheerleaders.

“Sharon, please,” she tried one more time, and Sharon finally lifted her head, giving Trixie a withering stare that made her shrink in her seat.

“Fuck off,” she said succinctly.

Trixie looked back towards the front of the room, still shocked by the hostile response she’d received. She was definitely going to have to rethink her plan.

***

Sharon sat down on the grass that afternoon, Katya hot on her heels. The cheerleaders were already gathered together, and she watched as Alaska and Trixie drifted to the pack of the group to stand together and gossip as they did every day. A cigarette packet appeared under her nose, and she blinked and looked over at Katya’s grinning face.

“You stare at cheerleaders,” she said, putting a cigarette between her lips and lighting it easily before offering her lighter to Sharon.

“They always look over here. Probably bitching about me,” Sharon said, lighting up her own cigarette and leaning back on her palms.

“One talked to me today,” Katya told her, exhaling a long plume of smoke and crossing her legs out in front of her.

“Which one?” Sharon asked.

“The tall one. Standing at back,” Katya said.

“The pretty one?” Sharon said, watching Alaska as she talked to Trixie.

“Friend.”

“Trixie? With the makeup?” Sharon asked. Had Trixie decided to spend her day trying to talk to any weirdo she could find?

“Not Barbie! Alaskaaa,” Katya said, drawing out her name in a pretty accurate impression of Alaska’s distinctive drawl. Sharon snickered.

“Wait, are you calling Trixie Mattel the pretty one?”

“Da! Beautiful,” Katya said, her gaze focused on Trixie.

“You really are fucked in the head,” Sharon said, getting a cloud of smoke blown in her face for her troubles.

Trixie was pretty enough, sure, but Sharon didn’t like her. They’d never spoken before today and she was still rattled by Trixie’s attempts to talk to her. She thought she’d played off her discomfort pretty well, and it had certainly been satisfying to tell Trixie to fuck off.

Sharon knew what girls like Trixie were like. She’d seen every movie where the cheerleaders liked to fuck with the weird kids, so she knew better than to think that Trixie might have been trying to be nice. Trixie might have been the head of the LGBT club, but she was still a cheerleader first and foremost. Lesbian or not, Sharon didn’t trust her.

“What was Alaska talking to you for?” she asked Katya, who was already stubbing out the butt of her first cigarette and taking another from the pack.

“She was nice. Strange. Talked to me about kissing Barbie,” Katya said.

“What the fuck? Are they a thing now?” Sharon asked in surprise. An irrational flash of jealousy shot through her at the thought of Alaska kissing Trixie.

“She said it was gross. Got embarrassed, very funny,” Katya explained, shrugged. “Weird girl. Like you! I like her.”

“She’s not like me. She’s cool,” Sharon said, venom seeping into her voice.

“You’re cool!”

“You’re crazy,” Sharon shot back. She wasn’t even sure how she’d ended up friends with Katya. She’d turned up at school one day and decided that Sharon was going to be her friend. That had probably come from being able to tag along on Sharon’s smoke breaks, she thought. Whatever the reason, she was glad to have her crazy Russian friend around. She didn’t like anyone at their school, not really, but she still got lonely sometimes, spending her days by herself.

“You really do not like them, no?” Katya said. Alaska and Trixie glanced over at them, then turned around again. They seemed to be discussing something important, from the look of concentration on Trixie’s face – not that it was easy to tell what she was feeling with the layers of makeup on her face.

“They’re bitches. I don’t trust them. Haven’t you seen Carrie? The cool kids pretend to make friends with the loser and then they throw pig blood over her.”

“Pig blood not so bad,” Katya replied with a shrug. “Beside, loser girl murders them all with her mind! That could be you,” she added, beaming at Sharon.

“You’re such a weirdo,” Sharon replied. “I just feel like they were planning on tricking us or something. Trixie tried to talk to me in Algebra, but I told her to fuck off.”

“Barbie? You bitch!” Katya said, eyes going wide.

“You’ve never even met her!”

Katya looked back over at Trixie and Alaska, slowly exhaling a lungful of smoke.

“Beautiful,” she said after a moment, a serene smile on her face.

“Shallow bitch,” Sharon laughed. She looked over at Trixie and Katya, who were finally paying attention to the other cheerleaders. Trixie had a nice figure, with wide hips and thick thighs, but Sharon thought Alaska was the prettier of the two of them.

“Not all cheerleaders are bitch,” Katya said, stubbing out her cigarette.

“Sure they are! They’re all bitches,” Sharon rebutted.

“You talk to Willam! She cheerleader,” Katya pointed out.

“Willam is Willam. Also, she’s not a cheerleader, they kicked her out. Besides, she’s the only one here who can always find a good weed dealer,” Sharon said, waving a hand dismissively.

“You are impossible! Talk to Barbie. Be nice! Get me her number,” Katya said, winking overdramatically at her. Sharon groaned, shaking her head but laughing at how ridiculous she was.

“Alaska was really nice to you?” she asked. There was a spark of hope in the pit of her stomach. She didn’t know what it was about Alaska that had always caught her attention, but for whatever reason a tiny part of her had hoped that Alaska was nicer than the other cheerleaders.

“Da! Sharon. You sit here and watch every day. Alaska was nice. Maybe Trixie was going to be, too!” Katya said, bumping her shoulder against Sharon’s. “I talk to Alaska for you, yes? Make sure she is not mean cheerleader bitch. I see you look,” Katya said. Sharon whipped her head to face her, cheeks burning hot.

“What? No! I don’t like her,” she insisted, fiercely embarrassed. Katya screeched with laughter at her.

“I help you get girl. Trust me! I talk to Alaska, you be nice to Barbie. Deal?”

Sharon buried her head in her hands. Sometimes, she really, really wished she’d never let herself make friends with this crazy bitch.

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