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here2bbtstrash · 1 year

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announcement - ko-fi launch! ✨

hello my babes and friends 💕 i hope you all are having a fabulous new year thus far! i am coming to you with an announcement that i am equal parts excited and nervous to make! deep breath, okay~

if you want the (very) long version (y'all know how i am) i put alllllll the words under the cut, but i'll keep it short and sweet up here!

TLDR: i'm moving! and to help fund my efforts, i'm launching a TEMPORARY ko-fi donation page where y'all can send me a little cash if you feel so inclined, because this shit ain't cheap. please do NOT feel obligated to donate if you don't want to or aren't able, and understand that there are zero perks or rewards for sending me any amount in donation - except for the knowledge that you've helped your local orgasm dealer in her efforts to start her life over. 🤍

if you feel inclined to help out, you can do so at my ko-fi via this link - i will also link it in my bio thru june 1st, after which i plan to shut the page down (or when i'm done moving, whichever comes first lmao)

whether you donate or not, please know i adore you with all the horny love in my gay little heart, and i will never be able to properly express how grateful i am that you all exist and that we found each other 💜

keep reading for extremely boring personal life details 😂

as some of you may know because i absolutely like, live-tweeted my way through it, lmfao... i got out of a long-term relationship in the middle of 2022. LONGGGG term, 5.5 years, a relationship where we shared a home and got a kitten and talked about marriage and said we'd be together forever like it was a done deal. and then, it wasn't. which has been - and continues to be - really fucking hard! even though i know it was the right call, ultimately.

and the thing is, ever since that call was made, i feel like my life has been... stuck. on pause. i'm still in the same house, just without that person, without their stuff, and without my kitten (ugh 😭). i still live in the same town, and it's a town i never planned on settling down in, i just moved here for school and by the time i graduated, i somehow had a full-time job and a long-term partner and a year-long lease.

but... now i don't have that partner. now my lease is month-to-month. now the job is fully remote, and they've confirmed they have no problems with me picking up and moving wherever i want. and i've realized over the last 7 months, that i do want. i want to un-stick, to stop feeling like i have one foot in my past and one foot in my future: in short, i really, really want to get the hell out of here.

and i do know where i want to go, i'm certain of it, though for safety reasons i don't feel comfortable sharing that information just yet 💜 but the catch is, it's... over 500 miles away from where i am now - and that is a big and fucking expensive move to sort out 🥴

so! i'm taking a chance and doing a thing i never do (to a fault) and that is - ask for help. allow people to help me, lmao. and i'm doing that by setting up a ko-fi page, where anyone who has both the desire and the means to send me some cash is welcome to.

please keep in mind that this is completely, completely optional, and i really don't plan on mentioning it much after this because i don't want to make anyone who can't give feel bad. because you shouldn't! and if money's tight, or you just don't want to, or whatever - then don't! keep on enjoying the extremely free porn, and please know that i have zero intention of ever putting my writing behind a paywall.

and just to be clear: there is no reward, perk, or special thing you get for donating, so please don't ask. no, it will not encourage me to fill your request. no, i don't take commissions. if you donate and then try to hold it over my head i will refund your money because - i'm good.

however, if you do feel so inclined 🙆‍♀️ - if there's a fic living in your head that you'd like to start paying rent on, or in the words of hali, if i've ever made you wet and you want to pay the water bill (💀💀💀) - you can do so at my ko-fi via this link. i deeply deeply deeply appreciate any amount that anyone is able to give, even just a dollar! (and pls note the email address and info associated with my linked accounts is not my real name, so apologies to anyone who had a grand plan to dox me lmfao)

the page will be live thru june 1st (if i finish moving before then, i'll take it down sooner!) - i think i've stated multiple times on this blog that i work a full-time job that pays me enough to live on, and i would not feel comfortable accepting donations full-time if i didn't have this specific (and expensive 😵‍💫) goal in mind. if by some ridiculously good turn i end up receiving more funds raised than i need, i'll donate the difference to charity and share a screenshot here 💜

alright, i think i've rambled plenty. thank you all, sincerely: whether you end up donating, or reading this lengthy-ass post, or even if you did neither and you're just here. thank you. it might sound dramatic, but i do think having this blog helped save my life in 2022, and now... i'm excited to start my life in 2023, with this fresh start. SHE'S PULLING A LDOMLT READER Y'ALL EVERYBODY LOOK OUT!!! ✈️

#mposting #thank you for reading and being here 🥺#k i'm off to go write taehyung fluff 🫠

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golbrocklovely · 3 months

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Hi, so the thing about the volunteer mods on xplrclub kind of rubs me the wrong way. They absolutely have made millions in their career, I mean their channel has been blowing up steadily for years. Their channel on top of merch sales, tours, xplrclub, they're living rather comfortably. One of the other anon's said colby has admitted to spending 10k a month on just clothing?? 10k is what I make in 5 months of working full time, dropping that on clothing in one year is insane let alone one month. Plus they have 2 mansions and not just rent but own. I'm the same age as them and I'm still living at home because despite having an MA and working full-time, my job doesn't pay me a wage that would allow me to live on my own without going completely broke and ending up in even more crippling debt.

I do like snc, as people I think they're probably really nice guys, but I think they've been in the influencer sphere for too long and no longer have any grasp on the real world. We're in a cost of living crisis right now, so asking anyone to essentially work for free is a bit tone deaf. I know they're not asking for crazy work, but they're still asking someone to give up their free time to put in labor for something they pay snc to be able to access. It's just a bit icky to me. Either don't charge them the monthly subscription if they're going to mod for you, or pay them. It just kind of strikes me as snc think their fans should be grateful to them for allowing them this opportunity to mod for them, that money shouldn't even be a factor. Idk, maybe I'm being a bit too harsh, but in the economy we're currently in, asking people for free labor while you are raking in hundreds of thousands if not millions of dollars a year is gross.

Sorry for this long post, I just felt like I wanted to get it all out, haha.

you're totally fine to vent. i agree with a lot of what you're saying. i think it's ridiculous that snc would think mods should be volunteers and not paid employees.

but to defend snc just a small amount….

snc haven't stated what the "perks" will be of being a mod. so it's possible it's negotiable to ask for a free membership as a mod, if not possibly more. on top of that, now that it has been a day and i'm not as upset as i was, i think the reason snc think this volunteer system is okay is bc when they did a livestream on wednesday, they mentioned getting mods and ppl in the comments started asking to be a mod.

not to mention the amount of ppl that have already applied to be mods. i mean the last time i checked the post (and this was yesterday mind you), there was 50+ comments, and only three of them were critical about this whole thing and one of them was me. so a lot of ppl are fine with being mods without being paid.

that, tied with ppl being on twitch and streamers pick randos from their fandom to be mods, i bet snc think this is the best case scenario and way to go about things.

i would like to believe that it's mostly this, tied with a little bit of snc being cheap lol

and look, personally idc how snc spend their money. they made it, they can do what they want with it. even if i think it's outrageous to spend 10k on clothes in a month. reality is, we're just in a different tax bracket than them. i don't relate to them on that level. and i wouldn't want them to act poor, so to speak. so….. it is what it is.

that being said, they should pay for mods. mods should be ppl not in the fandom. bc even tho snc also stated in the post that there is no amount of time you have to be online and moderating, i know there are some fans that if they do it, will be on 24/7 and will neglect their lives just to be in snc's good graces assumingly. and i think that's where an extra layer of problems lie. the lack of money is an issue, the trusting of fans is an issue, the possible future problems is another, and so on.

it would be better to get rid of chat, impo. but they ain't gonna listen to me lol

#ask #personal #snc bs

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sitp-recs · 2 years

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Do I Make You Cringe? by @graymatters

Harry/Draco (2020, Mature, 4.7k)

Harry and Draco play for the Falmouth Falcons, a professional quidditch team known for its questionable sportsmanship. While they've been sleeping together casually for months, Draco wonders if Harry's means of coping with his past might prevent them from having more.

Occasionally, Draco finds his judgment clouded by thoughts of a slow morning in bed, tangled limbs on the sofa or whispered secrets in the dark. Unwilling to process their implications, he dismisses them quickly, shoving them deep in the recesses of his mind like a boggart in a closet.

Happy happy birthday @graymatters! A little birdie told me today was your day and I couldn’t pass up the opportunity to rec this wonderful fic that I’ve revisited just recently. Friends with benefits my beloved!! Everyone and their mom knows I’m utterly gone for this trope - and I happen to love Quidditch players just as much, so of course this would be right up my alley! Pretty much like every Sara fic, this pulled me into this universe immediately: the atmosphere is so lively and dynamic, the fun camaraderie among the team players, the competition thrill helping build anticipation, and gosh am I here for beater Harry! Not a concept we see often in fic - if ever - but I love how it allows him and Draco to play for the same team (in more ways than one 😏) and forges a type of dynamic that leans more towards friendship than rivalry. The fact that Draco’s opening line is “Yes or no, Potter?” as he finishes undressing lives rent free in my head, what a way to set up the casual and sexy tone!!

What I love about this fic is how effortlessly Sara established their chemistry, a mix of fond familiarity and intimacy while still being casual. Casual lovers with feels is my new fave trope, everyone else can go home 🙌 I love the soft urgency of them falling together, it feels very organic but there’s delicious pining underneath, the yearning so careful as not to ruin what is already there. You’ll also find here a few of my (other) favorite things such as: TATTOOED HARRY (!!!), locker room UST, supportive Ron, angry Harry against the world (always a bonus in my book) and finding himself at Draco’s doorstep, falling in bed together and the first “stay” request ahh I love it so much. These characters are tender to each other and yet full of fire and personality, just the way I adore.

This is a beautiful story that combines fun and sexy times with sweet domesticity and a very interesting glimpse of Harry’s vulnerable side and how he’s poorly managing the war trauma. And our smitten Draco sees it and reaches out in an exchange that made my heart ache. The ending may feel open and bittersweet for some people but I thought it was perfect for this story because it highlights the deeper understanding they share. Sex is fun and all but get yourself someone that sees Harry like Draco does 😔🙌

Thank you so much for sharing this lovely fic and so many others with us, Sara - by the way you guys should check @sweet-s0rr0w’s Five Faves post right now for more recs!! - it’s been wonderful to follow your writing and we love having you in the Drarry community! I hope you have a wonderful day, HBD!!! 🎉💛

Read on AO3

#drarry fic rec

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theblogtini · 1 year

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Okay y'all. What are we thinking about the fact that Harry and Meghan have supposedly been kicked out of Frogmore and that Andrew has been offered the lease? (I should note that they very likely have NOT been "kicked out" or "evicted." At this time last year we were told that they had resigned the lease - so it seems that March is the month it renews and it's likely just not being put up for renewal. No one is breaking a lease/evicting anyone.)

I'm of two minds on this.

For starters, I think Charles wouldn't at all be remiss in saying "You aren't living in the UK or even visiting frequently, so you can no longer hold the lease." If they decide to return for a family visit, they can surely rent another home, stay in a hotel, or stay at one of the royal residences in some sort of guest accommodation. But as of now they haven't been back nearly enough to justify keeping an entire house for them.

I also think that Meghan and Harry knew this was coming a while ago... remember when the coronation date was announced, we were also given some tidbits that Meghan had told the staff at Windsor to "prepare Frogmore" for the family to come and for Archie's birthday party to be held during that time. My bet is that they knew they were going to lose the lease and were trying to drum up enough public association with them, the house, and - most importantly - the kids so that the public would be "outraged" that they were being "kicked out."

Secondly, I don't know if I believe Andrew was offered the lease at Frogmore... but It's possible. But for Andrew to move out of Royal Lodge he would be owed MILLIONS of dollars. It would likely be less expensvie for Charles/the Crown Estate to pay for the repairs that are needed than to buy Andrew out of his lease. If it IS true then my guess is that it's because there's maintenance work needing to be done at Royal Lodge that Andrew can't afford and Charles would rather see the Crown Estate handle the work than pay for it on his behalf. But by giving him Frogmore Cottage he is still being given more than sufficient accommodation (it's just him and Fergie, after all - do they really NEED Royal Lodge?).

Also... it frees up Royal Lodge for ...... The Waleses.

Yes, they've just moved into Adelaide Cottage but that's a fairly small residence compared to Royal Lodge (or even compared to their KP apartment). It would make sense if Royal Lodge were being freed up so that it can be renovated and the Waleses can move in.

And that would ALSO make sense as to why we keep hearing that Andrew "can't afford the maintenance" on it and that "it's in need of repair" -- so that when/if the Waleses do renovate and move in, they can fall back on the "Oh, but it needed to be repaired/modified anyway - it was going to happen whether or not anyone moved in, at least this way the renovations are going to use."

Okay... I think I just talked myself into the Frogmore Cottage being given to Andrew thing being true, lol.

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itwasmagic · 4 months

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my bestie isn't replying to me she's 9 months pregnant (due date is today) n idk if she's asleep or in hospital, i haven't been able to see my grandma this xmas because of family drama and it's making me feel like shit, my brother is suicidal, he’s blamed his whole life on my dad who's now saying he "isn't feeling well" (i was with him all day yesterday he was absolutely fine and he’s claiming it's not my brothers fault... news flash it is and i flat out told him he was lying about that), my mam isn't replying to my messages so i guess she's not speaking to me like ???? im literally not the problem child here im in my own house minding my own business and everyone started telling me i was gonna be to blame if my brother did something stupid bc i don't know how to be nice ???? excuse me no lmao he won't take responsibility for his own wellbeing and he’s making it everyone else's problem and then they've made it my problem (the brother who lives at home rent free and jobless in his 20s) bye felicia

#prob doesn't make sense bc i'm just ranting without the full story #but i'm so mad!!#tw depression #tw suicidal thoughts #(not me)#irl rambles

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malboraslihan · 5 months

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okay i hear you on that concert shit LMFAOOOO like that sounds rough!! but i'm glad you got to see her so many times<3 okay yes literally obsessed with rachel and tom right now........ had to go rewatch tbosbas like 2 days after initially watching it because i was so into it! and i absolutely LOVE having muses for so long - and especially dob from teen wolf era! brother you've been through it huh<3 i'm getting a lot of good info here...... lot of good info! i'm rapid fire throwing questions at you now. what sort of music would you use to describe patrick (like if you already have a muse playlist, feel free to use that!), what faceclaims would you love to see more resources for, what has been your favorite thing about rp/tumblr for you, and what's some of your favorite movies and why! - ss

please <3 thank you! it's been a long time coming for real, the eras tour was my first tswift tour cause it's the first time she came to brazil rip. but honestly.. i've been wanting to rewatch tbosas ever since i saw it for the first time and the songs from that movie are living in my mind RENT FREE. i can not forget rachel belting can't take my charm out of nowhere... insane. i'm gonna be real with you and say my playlists almost always include taylor swift songs only cause... that's mostly what i listen and draw inspiration from. however.. around the time i made patrick there was one song i always used for edits and that was skyfall by adele. specifically the lines you may have my number, you can take my name but you'll never have my heart as well as the bridge cause it truly represented his feelings towards his twin sister and everything they've faced together to me. other songs i can name are kiss with a fist by florence and the machine, whatever it takes by imagine dragons and if you could see me now by the script. those are probably old as fuck but they're the ones i can remember the most. as for faceclaims i wish had more resources... honestly that's so hard cause i usually jump in to make resources of people i wanna use when they have absolutely none LKADJASKL but recently i became obsessed with adim farah, a turkish show and derya pinar ak who's an absolute beauty but has too little resources. matthew noszka, who's one of my favorite white boys of the month and michael yerger who's also a white boy i love and been wanting to use because i became obsessed with cowboy books. alfie enoch, he's in so many things and the lack of resources that isn't from how to get away with murder is insane.. kazuha from le sserafim, minnie from gidle and god, huh yunjin with her new ginger hair cause they're favorites of mine right now. my favourite thing about writing on tumblr/roleplaying has always been the collaborative aspect of it cause i work constantly with screen writing and while it's amazing to use my creativity i feel that roleplaying truly gives me an opportunity to develop ideas and characters more thoroughly whether it's through plotting or just writing with others. i always feel like my most developed muses are the ones that i created and used through group verses / group rps cause the “forced” interactions with other characters always helps me get to know them more and think about different paths of thoughts and quirks they could have as well as add more to their backstory so it’s always the most fun. i'm always a big big big sucker for group verses settings because of this. i'm almost done.. i promise, i'm rambling too much in these and i promise i'll try to stop KSAJDL but as for movies, i'm very much a horror girlie. my all time favorite (and comfort movie tbh) is scream. but some of my other favorites are the shining (1980) and psycho (1960). i've always been obsessed with the horror genre, mostly cause my cousins would make me watch horror movies when we were younger and spent every summer break together.. chucky is one of my favorite movie characters of all times, i just love him and the movies are some of my favorites as well. i'm a stephen king girlie through and through, even if the most recent it movies aren't the best thing ever i still love the characters so much.. and honestly one of my favorite films ever made is stand by me (1986), i literally cry every single time i watch it cause the whole friendship / growing up and growing apart situation is so beautifully done. the i never had friends like i did when i was 12 quote truly is my roman empire i think about it twice a day.

#rphservergifts #i'm sorry for rambling gdi </3

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mauraeyk · 3 years

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i've only finished my the mentalist rewatch yesterday how is it possible i already miss them again 🥺

#they've been living in my mind rent free for months now #somebody send help #jisbon #the mentalist #kers talks

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sp-ud · 3 years

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i know this blog is more on the critical side when it comes to the writing (atm for quackity), so here's some positivity for him!

as someone who's been here for a long while now, i've personally enjoyed quackity's form of storytelling the most. it seems like they've all had a lot planned out (throwback to techno and phil going to sam's island three months before it was revealed, and saying "its foreshadowing!") and i really enjoy stories where it feels like things slowly unravel and spiral, and although sometimes it can be confusing, i get some sense that a lot of things will make sense as i learn more. i also really enjoy the cinematic pieces of his streams. honestly the quiet dismantling of el rapids was really beautiful to me, and said a lot about what was going on with his character. lives in my mind rent free tbh

hold up. (throwback to techno and phil going to sam's island three months before it was revealed, and saying "its foreshadowing!"), you mean that one island with the cobble cross? during the whole "the sensei always dies" bit with ranboo? or another island they found?

also yeah, i criticize how "overproduced" his lore has been recently, but i more so mean that in comparison to the rest of the dsmp's quality and what's expected of the dsmp. objectively, removed from the context of the dsmp, its pretty good!

its similar to how i feel about tftsmp's production, i would enjoy it a lot more if it was a standalone thing/not linked to the dsmp. because i feel like if you look at most of my crit for quackity's lore and tftsmp you'll see most of it ties back to how the dsmp itself is run vs how those streams are ran.

#asks #quackity critical #tftsmp critical #critical #oh and my frustration with the confusion is more that it feels like we keep getting more and more questions. are promised answers. but dont #get the answers and instead just get more questions on top of the ones we had already

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theroadtofairyland · 5 years

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Update on Havekat

I think I might be seriously depressed. I'm not sure I have a right to be. I'm lucky. I've been homeless for months and so far have never had to stay in a shelter or on the street. I've been the recipient of unbelievable kindness, charity and support. Everytime I'm sure I've finally expended every last bit of generousness I'm entitled to someone else comes forward.

I guess I'm currently feeling that way. Like there's nothing left for me. There are certainly more important things.

Again I'm only paid until tomorrow. I've extended my stay 4 times already. A day here, 3 days there. I desperately want this to be my last airbnb but I'm having so much trouble finding a place. I scour roomi, trulia and craigslist but I'm not getting any responses. I'm very discouraged. Maybe it's that it's Memorial Day weekend. Maybe as rent is due soon people would be more eager to get a roommate. I'll worry about getting that rent money if someone agrees to living with me. For now I just need enough for a couple more days in my airbnb.

Unbidden thoughts come into my mind and almost get blurted to no one. "I want to die" is the most common. Not to be confused with "I want to end my life." I don't, not really. I just want it all to be over. The stress and strain of the constant insecurity of my basic needs being met; namely food and shelter. My last two sales sort of belly flopped. Etsy sent a reminder to renew some listings and honestly I think there's no point.

I'm afraid I can't ever be happy again. I'll be afraid always.

I'm behind in my shipping (my apologies to everyone suffering.) I had to stash my paintings in a shed belonging to a former neighbor. As such I don't have free and easy access. I think my mom's trustee has been spreading rumors and tell everything from misrepresentations of the truth to out and out lies. My ex neighbor has been strange with me and think that maybe why.

I need to be fully reunited with my art. I left it because it resides in a giant plastic bin that is 2'x 3'x 2.5' and weighs 200lbs. It is too heavy and cumbersome to drag around from place to place. I need it back though. I need my dogs back. I'm miserable without them. I feel unendingly guilty about what has happened to them. What they've had to endure. First the break in. Well first really was my mom disappearing from home. And it was like we lived under siege from that point. There was a period where the trustee had locks changed with the dogs inside. I couldn't get to them except to come over twice a day and feed them kibble through the mail slot and do the same with the garden hose. The house was wrecked as you might imagine. They must have been so scared. I'm sure they still are scared. I feel so worthless for allowing this to happen to them.

#general tw #tw #tw homelessness #tw depression #cw #artists on tumblr #art #painting #creatrs #artist #female artist #artists

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punkscowardschampions · 4 years

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Jac & Savannah

Savannah: [Okay so my idea is it's literally the first day because of course it is, highkey bitches, and like they haven't had chance to talk much as they're also the kinda bitches who wanna make a good first impression on whoever they are doing this work experience for but then they get told to do something together. The thing is, Jac can't find Sav, until she does find her crying in the bathroom because it's like a few months previous so her dad hasn't left yet and things are really messy between her parents obvs she would've tried to call her boyfriend but he wouldn't answer cos he's doing work experience too so Jac comforts her and it's a #bondingmoment and I thought we could start the convo after that/ later either with Jac being like are you okay now or Sav being like I'm so embarrassed] Jac: [yes 1000% to all of that, good thinking boo] Savannah: [would you like to start it being concerned to show she's not like Mia levels of callous heartless bitch?] Jac: [on it lmao] Jac: Hi, just wanted to check in, I hope you're feeling a bit better now Jac: know we haven't particularly before, but if you do ever need to talk Jac: sometimes friends don't get it, I know Savannah: Oh god, I've never been this embarrassed in my entire life! Savannah: I don't normally do that, honestly Jac: Of course Jac: You so don't need to be, I promise Jac: it sounds like you're going through a lot right now, you did amazing keeping it together all day Savannah: Everything is getting on top of me, I swear I'd be living at my boyfriend's if not for my little sister Savannah: but when I am home I have to be strong for her so I just feel so alone there Savannah: Like, I can't even feel how I feel Jac: Everyone always puts such unfair pressure on the oldest, I'm the same Jac: but you are strong, I can tell, even if you don't feel it all the time Jac: it's strong to admit you aren't okay, and that that's okay Savannah: That's so true! Did we ask to get born first, no? Savannah: you're the sweetest, I can tell Savannah: none of my friends have even tried to make me feel better Jac: Lifetime of being a babysitter and bodyguard 🙄 Jac: People can get so wrapped up in their own 'drama' Jac: some people we go to school with have never had an actual problem in their life and it shows Jac: but like I said, you can always come to me, even if you just wanna vent everything out and not have me respond, that's totally fine Jac: you should have someone you can confide in Savannah: Sienna needs it though, she's very very shy Savannah: People would take advantage if I wasn't there Savannah: Exactly! They think not getting a text back is a crisis Savannah: don't judge me because I know how this sounds but my boyfriend has totally become my best friend since we got together Savannah: it's great & I love that but I can't offload EVERYTHING onto him Savannah: there's no way I could have a breakdown & then delete it later, you know? Jac: Mine are the total opposite of shy, but there's no telling what kind of nonsense they'd get into if I weren't there to keep them safe Jac: That makes total sense Jac: and I think its sweet, most girls don't even LIKE their boyfriends, it's so childish Jac: but you're right, you can't rely on one person for everything, it's not fair on them, but also you Savannah: Yes! 👏 Why would I spend my precious time with someone who isn't worth that? Savannah: I don't understand most of the people we go to school with, seriously Savannah: my friends are always with their boyfriends too but fighting constantly about things that are nonsense Jac: 🙌 Preach Jac: Me either, it's honestly tiring having to deal with their 'logic' Jac: I thought there was like, no one at school with their priorities straight Savannah: & if you try & say anything you get attacked, like I'm offering help Savannah: my life is falling apart here & I do not have the mental space for your negativity Jac: People don't like when you help 'cos they cause their 'problems' themselves and they've got no intention of fixing them Jac: try not to take it personally, it says SO much more about them than it does you Jac: it's shitty they can't but that aside and be there for you when you really need them though, I'm sorry ❤ Savannah: You should literally be my parents relationship therapist Jac: I do want to do Psychology at Uni Savannah: OH MY GOD, me too! Savannah: I wanna go to Bath but I wouldn't mind St Andrews either even though it's only ranked 4th Savannah: Oxford & Cambridge are...what's the word? Jac: No way Jac: How do we have so much in common and we're only just finding out? Jac: It's like, they're the dream but also, are they just too old-fashioned for words? Jac: Some people in my family went to Cambridge, and I want to make my own path, you know? Savannah: That's SO important Savannah: & I know what you mean, as an educated black girl I just cannot Savannah: Imagine if we'd ended up at the same uni & I ran into you at some party or lecture Jac: ^^ You really have to think about these things Jac: That would be crazy Jac: as much as I'm DYING for the fresh start, it would be cool to have you there, a familiar face 😌 Savannah: You can read my mind Jac: I'm pretty sure I want Bath too, but Edinburgh seems like such a COOL city so 🤔😬😂 Jac: Cannot wait to do tours Savannah: You're SO right, there's no way to decide properly until we've been there Jac: I wish I could convince my 'rents that I need to go sooner rather than later 🙄 Savannah: I could talk my dad into anything at the moment, come with us! Jac: Seriously? Savannah: you have to Jac: We were meant to meet Jac: properly meet, I mean Savannah: That's what it feels like Jac: Fate is such a thing, honestly, there's so many weird 'conincidences' that have totally changed my life Savannah: It was such a strange little moment that brought me and my boyfriend together too, that could've easily not happened Jac: Right? Jac: Life is so crazy Savannah: I feel really happy at this exact moment & I wanted to die earlier Savannah: it's you Savannah: you're incredible Jac: I'm so glad you feel better, that's like, what I was meant to do, I can feel it Jac: you're so lovely, like ??? Savannah: Why have we never talked before? How? Jac: It's madness! Jac: Like, I need you in my life, honestly, my friends are just not even on the same planet sometimes, I swear Savannah: Oh honey, you can talk to me whenever too Savannah: I'm bringing breakfast into work for us tomorrow, no arguments, what do you love? Jac: ❤❤ Jac: caffeine anything 😜 Jac: do you go to [some #aes af cafe she definitely does go to too]? their pastries are 😘 so good Savannah: Get out! Of course I do! Savannah: I can't believe we haven't seen each other there Jac: 🤯🤯 This is silly now Jac: we're gonna have to sit down and work out the things we DON'T have in common at this rate Savannah: I'm going to [another aesthetic af place] later if you want to join? Home is the last place I wanna be Jac: Definitely Jac: Not done cheering you up yet Jac: and that place is also PERFECT Savannah: 🙌 Thank god you said yes 🙌 Savannah: I would totally have been crying again if it was a no Jac: Never Jac: You're so cool, Savannah Savannah: I'm going to have to think of a description for you that like only exists for you Savannah: because there are some other cool people but you're next level Jac: You are just the sweetest too, like how are you EVERYTHING Savannah: We're clearly everything together, we worked so hard today & now this Savannah: not letting you leave my life Jac: We make the perfect team Jac: I was lowkey so worried no one else would be going to this placement and then it turns out the BEST person ever is, okay 🙏🌍 Savannah: 💞 Savannah: All my friends are working in nurseries or in shops that'll give them free skincare Jac: Seriously! 🙄 Everyone just wants to have the easiest time possible Jac: my friend is legit working on reception in the sports centre next to the school Jac: like this is a chance to get your foot in the door somewhere and that's what you came up with? smh Savannah: You had it spot on when you said nobody our age has any sense of priorities Savannah: no offence to your friend but I could never Jac: Me either, there's a reason she's on her own 💁😏 Savannah: 😄

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lifeat1337carlton · 3 years

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So again let's talk about our mail area in the lobby.

This area is here because it's well lit and it's underneath a camera that does not work.

This is because the mailroom does not have a camera in the lights do not work.

The lights in the mail room should never be off just like building number two in building number three the mail area is well lit and there's a camera on it and there are parcel boxes for things to be put into.

Maybe you wouldn't have residents writing these types of letters and taping them to the table over two weeks ago but then again Karen the property manager hasn't addressed the issue with the residents.

Because obviously these two signs on the wall do not work.

You know the green one that says if it's not yours leave it alone and the one on the right that says this is where packages are supposed to go the old CHP Management corporation sign that the only thing Piedmont housing alliance did was tear their name off of the top.

So much for replacing signs so much for making the property look better you know Bernita Johnson LaShonda Hester trust us give us time things will be better things will change.

But of course with all the theft problem of mail you would think that management would start to control what's going on in the building but they're doing absolutely nothing.

But then again they're leaving mail sit here for weeks and months at a time.

A good management company would have already taken care of the issue packages would have went to the office and then dispersed to the apartments.

Or better yet how about telling UPS FedEx and USPS to start delivering it to the residence doors.

5/21/2021 is when this envelope was delivered or metered I should say.

That's a month and a half we get it still lays in the lobby.

This letter dated April 20th 2021.

Still lays in the lobby.

And of course the two large boxes the mattresses June 9th 2021.

Now the big question is do any of these people actually live in the building.

Once again here comes lesson time for management.

In a department building or an apartment complex paying attention to your mail is Paramount.

When you see packages being delivered to somebody that is not on a lease to an apartment number you then get to ask that question of why.

If they repeatedly get mail delivered more than likely they're living there illegally on the lease.

But then again you can have envelopes such as the two laying on the table where the resident no longer lives here where they've been evicted.

It's simple return to sender and put it back to whoever sent it.

When you have large boxes you can do several things.

First off find out if it was delivered to the right address find out if it was delivered and has the correct name of your leaseholding resident.

Now because of the size of the box or boxes find out if your resident would like maintenance or yourself to deliver it and put it inside their apartment.

Trust me it's a nice gesture when management actually does things for the resident.

Again I've worked on many apartment complex properties one of which all packages were delivered to the office.

You could come to the office and have your package picked up or if you request it you could have the package taken to your apartment and set inside the door.

That was one of the free services that we offered our residents a common courtesy to our residents.

But you see we also had an office that stayed open until 7:00 p.m. which allowed the residents to come and retrieve their package after work if need be.

But again it also gave us the opportunity to know who was living on our property.

It gave us the opportunity to get to know our people on our property.

But no we have Piedmont housing alliance where they don't care about the people they don't care about the male situation of people getting their stuff stolen because the only thing Karen wants to do is sit in the office for 8 plus hours a day with that theory of out of sight out of mind if I don't see it I don't need to deal with it I'm going to get paid the same whether I do my job or not.

So Bernita Johnson and LaShonda Hester my initial statement when we first met in the lobby for our meeting about this place being ghetto it's still stands.

Even though you said trust us be patient give us time we're here to make things better we're here to make changes.

The only thing that has changed is the matters have gotten worse it still as fchp Management corporation was still here because you hired somebody CHP Management corporation fired for not doing her job and now she's not doing her job again because Karen only sits in the office.

She neither manages nor maintains the property properly.

Both her and maintenance have a habit of sitting in the office talking about residents so they can be heard cussing and carrying on being very unprofessional.

But you see Sunshine Charlene green Bernita Johnson LaShonda Hester simply do not care.

They already have the contract they already have the paychecks coming in by way of rent check why should we care why should we do anything for the residents why should we manage and maintain the property properly because once again they already have the contract.

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mileycfan4eva33 · 4 years

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Fandom: SVU

Title: Covenant From The Heart

Chapter 1: Violent Moment

P O V: Amanda Rollins

(A/N: Noah, Jessie, Billie do not exist in this fic. I own nothing except my ideas and original characters. All others belong to Wolf Entertainment and NBC.)

Saturday, June 2020

Christopher Street, New York, NY

"I hope you don't mind

I hope you don't mind

That I put down in words

how wonderful life is while you're in this world."

The radio plays as I sit inside the back of the Covenant House Van across from my Captain Olivia Benson, along with two trained Crisis Counselors from Covenant House, New York. Andrea O'Sullivan and Robert "Bobby J" Rodriquez. "Thanks for coming again with me, Amanda."

My smile is tight as I look back at Olivia there is a sadness in her eyes as we turn towards each other. "You're welcome, Liv, did Kat give any reason as to why she couldn't make it tonight?" "her mom has to work a double, and they couldn't find a babysitter last minute on a Saturday."

"Yeah, I hear that could be hard." Olivia sips her coffee, trying to keep warm. "I never mind helping Captain. Covenant House is such an amazing place Olivia, I'm always happy to volunteer for whatever they need."

"Thank you, detective Rollins we try. It isn't easy when we have 20,494 youth who are homeless." Andy's statement sends tremors down my spine. I try to hide the fact that I am shivering, as a cop, I knew those statistics. The number of homeless children in the United States is at its highest in more than a decade.

I can even break down the statistics that roughly 800,000 children are reported missing each year in the United States that's 2,000 kids who go missing every day in the USA. There are 115 child stranger abduction cases, LGBTQ youth represent as much as 40% of the homeless youth population. Between 1.6-2.8 million youth runaway each year in the United States. Children can begin running as young as ages 10-14. The youngest are the most at-risk for the dangers of street life.

Too many people take the attitude of Children who runaway make their own decisions to go. Let them be, they've made their personal choice and must deal with the consequences. If they want to come home, they will. That is so wrong because once these kids hit the streets, they have hours of reaching an inner-city before they become targets for these pimps. Once the pimps get their hands on these kids, they no longer have a choice. They are property of those pimps, and these monsters would take a bullet before they lose their 'product.' It is estimated that many young people, especially girls, begin engaging in survival sex within 48 hours of leaving home. Sex for food and a place to stay can quickly escalate into formalized prostitution.

I've seen what happens to those kids after becoming branded; they learn quickly to harden themselves and trust no one. The treacherous environment in which they must learn to survive is heartbreaking. They do not always outwardly present as sympathetic victims. They also frequently suffer from short–term and long–term psychological effects such as depression, self-hatred, and feelings of hopelessness. These child victims also need specialized services that are not widely available given they often have illnesses, drug addictions, physical and sexual trauma, lack of viable family and community ties, and total dependence—physical and psychological—on their abusers.

"Amanda, do you want some coffee?" "no, thanks, Liv, I'm good." "Sure you are; that's why I can see those goosebumps on your arms, Rollins." Olivia's left-hand grazes across my left arm, which she has now caused to go stiff in fear. Olivia's touch, smile Liv has no idea how she effects me.

Every hair is standing at attention, my heart racing, face flushed. My brain stutters to find words to respond to Olivia. It should be simple to say those words to tell Olivia how I feel; this is 2020, not 1990. I shouldn't be afraid of rejection to tell someone I have a deep crush on that I have a crush. I've told more than a half of a dozen women in my past that I liked them. I am not ashamed to identify as a lesbian.

Which brings me to question why I haven't confided in anyone I have worked with over the past nine years. Swallow Amanda, just swallow and relax. Olivia has no idea how you feel; she isn't asking you to spill how you feel. She's asking you for a drink stop freaking out you'll look like a fool.

"No, I'm good save the coffee for the kids, they need it more than I do. I'm okay."

"Detective Rollins we have more than enough." that's a lie I know before it even escapes Andy's lips she's just being nice to us since it's rare for cops to volunteer to do ride a long's, the department does not sanction them. 1PP truthfully goes out of their way to discourage us from doing them because they are so dangerous because these pimps could recognize one of us and blow our covers in the future. Sometimes I think they fear we will become too sympathetic with a homeless kid because God forbid NYPD cops be human and understand what life on the streets is actually like; we might let these kids go when indeed we are forced to pick them up for simply trying to stay alive.

Saturday nights are one of the busiest nights in New York City, especially for the homeless population in our impact zones. Turning down Bleeker Street, which is alive with nightclubs blaring music. Flashing neon signs obnoxiously calling out $2 dance bars—other signs signaling their bars, clubs, stores. Panhandlers line every corner, many with bloodshot eyes, sniffling noses, and scanning the crowd from our blackened windows. I can see swindlers working in pairs trying to rob the tourists who unsuspectingly stroll among them the glittering, neon buildings. Many are walking with cell phones out, looking for directions.

Olivia and I both exchange a look knowing half of them will be robbed. There's so much we both want to say but don't. Drug deals go down in plain sight to the untrained eye. It would be easily missed, in between the blaring lights and smells of Colombian bakeries, beauty salons, Mexican restaurants, and bars like the Gentlemen's Club advertising beautiful female dancers. People along this stretch of road hand out business cards emblazoned with half-naked women or fruits and flowers all that advertise "Free Delivery" and typically list the hours of operation between 10:30 a.m. and 2:30 a.m. It's a cover, of course, the cards are marketing tools of brothels that have set up shop inside private homes and apartments.

As the hour is growing later, the tourists are fading away; the clubs are starting to shut down, and the other Christopher Street, the one never mentioned in magazines, or featured on the nightly news and morning talk shows comes alive. This is our Christopher Street teens strutted past in the dark, often stopping to air kiss, catcall, or sometimes brawl.

Young LGBTQ youth in platform thigh-high boots, buttocks-revealing denim shorts, red-pleather boleros with matching caps and tops of the backless, sleeveless, or even frontless variety, those on the nightly parade here do anything but hide. They compete for best outfit, /best moves in nightly dance battles that rage beside the Hudson River to the sound of a boombox on the pier at the end of the street.

The teens are beautiful, but the night-life here is ugly, violent, and scary; the teens themselves often fight turning violent. Customers drunk throw glasses, bottles, or try to take the girls, ripping hair out, beating them. Not every person working is trying to cause problems; of course, there are many just trying to get by to pay rent that now topples over $3,000. I can barely afford my apartment in Brooklyn with my salary.

Cops are lining every street, but we are not here as cops Olivia and I are riding with the covenant house team to help them reach the kids whoa re too afraid to find Covenant House or don't know that help exists. We are reaching to find kids who need food, warmth, and shelter. We provide sandwiches, beverages, ears to the kids if they are ready to tell their stories.

In the van we provide education about sex, pregnancies, STD prevention, we give them condoms. We let them cry, scream, ask questions, or sit in silence; we let the kids choose what they need when they need it. Many have never been given a choice of anything in their lives. We gain the kids' trust and, when ready, we will get them to our crisis shelters, where they're given love and support to permanently stay off the streets. Some stay only a few days and decide they aren't ready to give up the life they know. They have to be willing to be drug-free and make other commitments to stay at Covenant House. Some, however, remain with Covenant House and complete the whole program.

Frequently it takes multiple interactions before the kids will trust those of us on the outreach team enough to accept our offers of help they've simply been burned by adults too many times in their lives.

"So Captain Benson, my boss tells me you've been coming on these rides along's since you joined SVU in 1999. Any specific reasons?"

Andy's question perks my interests in the nine years I have known Olivia; I have never known the answer to this question myself. For the first six years, when I went on these outreach trips, I never knew she went along. I only found out three years ago when we were paired together by accident on a night when they had more volunteers than vans. I never asked myself for fear of having to answer the same question back; it's a part of my past. I have kept hidden for many years. I have no intention of starting to share that story now.

"I was on the job about two months with Special Vics when we came across the case of a fourteen-year-old girl who we had to arrest for selling drugs to her classmates, sometimes in exchange for sexual favors. The whole Squad called her Spoiled Sally because she came from the upper west side, went to a private school. She had all the advantages of a rich kid, yet she chose to squander her life by selling drugs."

"You thought there was more to her story though, Olivia, didn't you?"

"You know me well, Amanda." Olivia has no idea how well I know her how I have spent my whole adult life, and most of my teens years studying her career trying to be half the cop she is. Olivia has no idea that I listen to every conversation hoping to gather a new detail I didn't know already. I know her favorite, color, movie, TV show, her worst fears, her dreams. I know which ice cream flavor she likes best, her favorite spot for ice cream, who her favorite baseball team is, and which sport she hates the most. I know Olivia uses vanilla body lotion but hates vanilla ice cream.

My body shivers despite being June. The temperature is dropping fast the later it gets. "I did think there was more, so I started investigating further. Interviewing her friends, teachers, classmates. Came to learn Sally transferred schools six times over the last year, she had moved from city to city since she was six years old."

Olivia bites her lower lip as she laughs slightly "Amanda you'll love this part, my boss told me to drop it, or he would transfer me, I couldn't drop it, I defied his orders and kept digging. I matched her picture into enhanced facial recognizing came to discover our Spoiled little Sally was Marcella Marginals, a kidnapped girl from Mexico who vanished at age six when her family was on vacation over there. They let go of her hands for two minutes, and she was snatched. Marcella was smuggled into different cities by different men. Who caged her up like an animal beat her raped her, sold her from family to family."

"This last family was an elderly couple who never had kids of their own; the man who sold her to them kept weekly checks on her forced her to sell drugs for him. Raped her weekly to keep her in-line raped the wife weekly to keep the parents quite. When we went to collect Marcella, the bastard was there raping the wife, the husband an 82-year-old man who could barely move was tied to the chair. A battle broke out between the police and the pimp, Marcella was shot in the battle, by my gun. I was devastated. I felt as if it was my fault if I had left it alone, as my boss told me. Marcella would be alive no matter how hard her life was, at least she drew breath. Because of me, that sweet girl was dead."

"All my co-workers kept telling me it wasn't my fault; it was just part of the job. I had to accept it as God's plan. I couldn't though, I mean, how did God see that to be fair? How could any God justify a fourteen-year-old girl being raped, beaten suffering every day as okay?"

"So I headed to my favorite bar to get there I had to pass the Fifth Avenue Presbyterian Church, I wasn't raised in any dominant religion growing up, but I felt drawn to it. I felt like I needed to talk to God, to let him know how angry I was at him."

"At first, all I could do was sit there, staring at the candles, the altar, tears running down my face. I have no idea how long I sat there for; till I felt the gentle touch of Sister Mary Rose McGeady, she sat by me and listened to me. Then she said something to me that has stayed with me my whole life; she replied ours is not to ask God why; ours is simply to close our eyes and listen to our hearts, and believe God always has a reason why. It's hard at times, but I made a promise to God to listen; he has to lead me to my calling to help kids on the street, his kids."

"As you know at the time, Sister McGeady was the president of Covenant House from 1990-2003. She took me to the house and showed me the center; I spoke to counselors, volunteers, and the kids themselves. I fell in love with the mission, with the kids the staff. I knew I had to try to make a difference."

"I started doing the outreach van around 12 years ago, at first, it was just because it was always so short-staffed, not many people volunteer to do something so dangerous. Then it became another passion for me."

I reach over and take Olivia's hand "you know Marcella's death wasn't your fault, Liv. No more than Easter's was mine."

"I know Amanda, up here, I know that." She points to her head, "But in here." Olivia's hand moves to her heart. "that takes reminding I am sorry I couldn't comfort you after telling you about Easter, I should have held you talked to you instead of getting up and walking away. The memories of that day hit me so hard; I think I am moving on, and then I am hit with a wave of guilt so intense it takes my breath away."

"Liv, it's okay. I needed my Captain than you did what I needed. You gave me time to cry, scream you stayed in the room, so I knew you were there, but you gave me privacy. No one can take someone else to pain away. But having you in that room brought me comfort."

Olivia smiles at me as Bobby J speaks "You two should come Tuesday for our annual Sleep-out for Covenant House, we have a line-up of stars who are performing and over 1,000 people who have signed up to raise money for our kids by sleeping out."

"Yeah, sounds good, Amanda?" "I'm in for sure."

"So Miss southern sweet tea, what is your story? I know you got one." My body tenses at his suggestion I feel all eyes on me my heart races as my stomach twists. How am I suppose to get out of this one? "Don't be bashful to spill your game." Bobby J nudges me as I fight to keep my nausea from spilling out onto the van's floor. If Olivia knew the truth, she would never look at me the same ever again.

"Help me!" Loud, intense screams ricochet off the buildings in the side-street where we are parked; a young girl comes racing out of the cover of darkness shadow. So fast her legs stumble, but she doesn't allow herself to fall; she can't she's running for her life. Those skinny legs barely hold her body up, yet she hurls herself forward, never glancing back. I can hear her heavy breathing as she approaches "not here." she points to two streets over. Eyes glance at us. I see the pain and fear "My man he's watching he'll see me get in, I'm dead then, he'll know where to find me."

She's gone in a flash, hurling her skinny body down the side streets in a race for her life, dodging into different avenues. The van squeals to life as our driver Michelle steps on the gas, the girl's arms pump flying as she dodges cars, people she isn't quitting or playing. It's pitch black out here now except the glow of a few broken street lights.

Michelle flips off our headlights as we reach the street the girl wanted us to, we sit in silence the radio shut off now. Our heartbeats are the only sounds slowly. I get out my legs a little shaky from being crouched in a van for hours. Olivia follows me closely behind as seconds tick into minutes both of us praying her man as she called him didn't find her, which we know damn well means her pimp. Rustling has us both turning around I spot her first she comes running full speed towards us, fooling her pimp she had run around the block twice; New York blocks ain't no joke either, they are long.

This girl is in eight-inch heels her feet must hurt so bad I feel tears well up I can barely walk in those types of heels nerve mind run. The girl is only twenty- yards away from us. I can see the depth of fear in her cyan blue eyes. An ocean deep of pain she is so close to safety just within feet of being saved Olivia and I are both tense ready to grab her up. The squeals of tires alert us to a sense of danger; I don't think twice I take off "Rollins!" Olivia yells as I pump my legs harder than they have ever been pumped before. Hoping that this girl can see it in my eyes that she can trust me, she can reach better days if she reaches out, allows me to take her hands. Gets in this van with me, I can help her find the sunshine behind these rainy days. Sometimes one person can make a difference. I close my eyes every day I pray I can be that person.

My hands reach the girl at the very last second my lungs are screaming in pain, I can barely breathe my muscles are straining with every-step. "Grab my hands, don't let go no matter what I got you." My arms wrap around the girl's frail body as my feet make a sudden turn burning my heels. I pull her body racing to the van as doors fly open. "Rollins, get down!" Olivia screams as a hail of bullets rain down on us I push the girl into the van slam the door and bang on it. Michelle takes off my legs give out as I crash to the ground Olivia is returning fire. I can't breathe or think my legs are twitching in pain I can feel my blood filling my mouth as I start to cough.

I can't seem to focus on anything. Every breath is harder to inhale and exhale. "Amanda, it's Olivia we've got to move, they took off, but they'll be back we just cost them a major investment. Can you move at all?"

Olivia's arms lift me pain stabs me at every angle it's mild though so after a few breaths I can put pressure on my legs she doesn't let go of my arm though pulling me along with her as we race to meet the van a few blocks over. Sweat pours down my body as my stomach cramps I feel flushed. I'm losing blood I can feel how weak I am, but I have no idea where or how serious it is. "Amanda that was stupid as hell, we are off-duty you know the department does not cover any injury you get, any action you take as a citizen which means you face the same charges they face. No union rep to cover for you."

"Yeah, I know Liv, and it also means I don't have to play by the rules."

"Amanda, it doesn't mean you get to risk your life."

"It's mine to risk Olivia, and if you ain't willing to risk your life, why are you out here?"

"Uh! Why are all the bad-asses so damn stubborn!"

"That's what makes us hot."

"Yeah, I know that's why the bad-asses like you are always the one who looks the most fuckable."

My ears ring did Olivia Benson just say she wanted to what with me? I stop moving physically, yet my Vertigo didn't get the message. I can't speak all I can do is stare at Olivia, watch her long legs so muscular her statuesque frame so lean and beautiful, long dark hair loosely held back with a decorative clip. Her appearance takes my breath away. She smiles as she slowly moves us towards the van.

All I can do is picture her lying on top of me on her bed as she places her mouth over my clit. A direct hit, her gorgeous lips closing around it and lapping at it with her tongue. Her hands hold my hips as I try to buck against her face; she is a master at getting me off like this. I can feel an orgasm building in my walls, I can feel the heat rising as I writhe under her face, and just as she is about to push me over the edge, she inserts a single slender finger inside as she does I feel the first wave of fire rising and spreading through me. I come hard onto her hand as she rapidly pumps two fingers in and out while she sucks on my clit.

"Amanda, move!" My head peaks up from the daydream of Olivia, and I making love seconds too late as the car comes speeding towards us headlights as bright as the Georgia summer sun. Michelle rushes towards us, Andy and Bobby J throw open the doors. "Get in!" Olivia's hands push my body into the van's. I feel Andy and Bobby grab me pulling my limp body up as Olivia screams at Michelle. to"Go."

Wait, where is Olivia going? Why didn't she get in with me? Gunfire fills the air as I try to stand but am thrown back against the wall hard as Michelle takes off, tires squealing. "Calvin!" I hear Olivia's scream as my head slams into the floor, sending me crashing into a world of blackness. All I can do is pray; God keep Olivia safe.

A/N: For More information on how you can help Covenant House and Homeless Youth visit their website

Our Youth deserve a kinder, better world than the one we have today. Let us commit to building this world together. https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13643440/1/Covenant-From-The-Heart

#svu #Rolivia #AmandaRollins #OliviaBenson #HomelessKids #Youth #LGBTQ #Fanfiction

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secret-rendezvous1d · 7 years

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Well I can imagine that Fionn and y/n struggle for paying their bills. I mean before the whole dunkirk thing. Y/n has like 2 or 3 jobs only for Fionn follow his dreams being an actor. And he is sad that he can't afford the things the she deserves in his eyes. But she doesn't mind because they've got each other and his love is enough for her. That's why they have that strong bond between them, a deep love.

Oh, my goodness. My heart just broke. They have the strongest bond you could see in any couple and it makes my heart warm and break at the same time because… it’s just so precious. You just know, before he was in HIM and before he starred in Dunkirk and Queers, they were a little stripped for cash and struggled to pay for electricity bills or the cable bill for the telly or even the internet bill to keep using wifi. And sometimes the heating in their little flat gave out so they were stuck in the cold atmosphere, dressed up in sweatshirts and sweatpants, until they had enough to pay to have a little heat in their home. He worked in the coffee shop in Waterloo and took on longer and extra shifts to gain a bit of money for the both of them which meant he was barely at home to spend time with his girlfriend during the evening. She’s a struggling artist and taking on different jobs as well as painting in her free-time to sell online; a florists assistant, working in a bar every other night of the week, getting a part-time job in the local library.

And they were miserable.

She was miserable because nothing seemed to be going to plan for either of them. When things went well, they always seemed to be knocked down. When they seemed to be on track with everything, it always took a different path. They had extravagant plans to become successful in their desired fields of work - she wanted to be a successful artist and he wanted to become a successful actor - but were always knocked back in confidence. She wasn’t necessarily miserable with herself because she knew artists had it tough; she was miserable for him. Because every time he had an audition or a meeting with his agent, he never seemed to go anywhere. She knew he was good. She ran lines with him for his auditions. She knew how much he wanted the big things in life and she knew he was determined to get far.

She was miserable because he was losing confidence in himself.

He was miserable because he knew he couldn’t afford to give her the life she needed and wanted and spoke to him about during their late-night pillow-talks before moving in together was on the cards. He wanted to buy her a studio to keep her art work and accessories in and he wanted to buy her a beautiful home that she could fill up and decorate to how she wanted it to be. He wanted to give her electricity and a telly and working internet and a home filled with the comforting heat that they could cuddle under during the nights when it was raining and thundering outside and they had no intentions on leaving to go out into it.

He was miserable because she deserved everything that he couldn’t give to her.

But they never gave-up on one another and they never threatened to leave one another and they never just up and left. They never fought over who was paying what bill that month and they almost never bickered over not seeing one another because the time they spent together, before bed and when they woke up, was good enough for them to squeeze in some intimacy. They still shared dinner together, they still kissed and cuddled on the sofa, they still made love and snuggled underneath the blankets on the bed. Because the love they had for one another was enough to overpower the struggles they have to face; they already had their parents paying rent for them, so they owed it back to pay for the bills that came through to start their lives as individuals - as a couple living together.

So when the call, from his agent, came through that he got the part and was starring as the lead role in an ITV drama-series, they knew life was on the rise. They knew that all the struggles had been worth it and they knew that they’ve overcome the hardest time of their life because he was getting his big break. Happiness all around and celebrations ensuing and she was the most supportive girlfriend he could have ever asked for.

It was only then that her paintings became more known. Money rolling in from people buying her products and filling up her account so that it could be used for necessities in keeping them living in peace and happiness.

When Dunkirk happened?

Things went from great to amazing for the both of them. They were finally overcoming their struggles and once he came back from filming, they took a gorgeous holiday, set in the edges of Santorini, to relax and spend time together after he’d been away from her for so long. Sprawled out on a sun-lounger, cuddled up together in the shade with their legs in the sun, his lips pressed to her forehead whilst her head nudged into his neck.

“Things can only get better from here on out,” he murmurs, sunglasses on the bridge of his nose whilst his lips brushed over your skin, “we did it. We struggled with everything but we never lost sight of one another. 2 years ago, we were close to losing our flat and we were close to moving back in with your parents but we didn’t. We made it through the darkest tunnel and here we are, sitting in the sunshine, on a gorgeous holiday for two, in one of the most beautiful resorts in Greece.”

“That’s on you,” she whispers, a palm pressed to his chest as her fingertips draw patterns into his tanned skin, “that’s all you, movie-star.”

“You deserved the best. Did everything with you in my mind. Auditioned for Dunkirk with you in my mind, knowing that our life now was something that we’d get if I put my heart and soul into it,” he strains his neck back to look down at her and smiles warmly when they made eye contact through their sunglasses, “promised you the life you deserve and that’s what I’m delivering,” he grins, “there was a point in my life where I wanted to give-up. Where I wanted to stop auditioning, stop working in that coffee-shop, stop doing what I was doing and just stop all together. I felt useless with you. Because I couldn’t give you everything.”

“You were the everything I needed and wanted,” she brings her hand up to cup his cheek, “you still are the everything I need and want in life and I would trade you for anything in the world.” xx

#THIS FUCKING BROKE MY HEART TO WRITE #I'M CRYING #fionn talk #fionn whitehead imagines

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