#this feels strangely personal to post

[phanrenaissance]

tell me what the video Basically, I’m Gay means to you?

daniel howell why did you send this ask to every phannie tumblr account you could find .

#that was my funny answer #the serious answer: i stopped watching dnp at that point and only started again after BIG #and. i related to. A LOTTT of what Dan was putting out there in that video #funnily enough not because im bi but because im trans. like. the not fitting. the finding other queer label bc i couldn't accept what i- #-actually was #the constant fear. hard growing up feeling different. etc etc. #anyway #i think he's been watching a bit too much contrapoints b4 making it. but i rly loved it. in a strange way it was very comforting #and very reassuring #bc i was always drawn to dnp as a neurodivergent & queer person and was felt. for lack of better word. #stupid for it. or mocked. #and in BIG i had this. self recognition thru other moment yknow #own post #ask #dan and phil #daniel howell #phan #dnp #dip and pip

[anxiously-sidequesting]

Big shout-out to the ocs and lore that depicts physical/appearance changes due to high concentration and uses of magic btw that shit is so cool. Whether your wizard's hair turns blue or straight up grows an extra arm due to the excessive amount of powerful magic they use everyday I eat that shit up. Bonus points if it's a rare/newly discovered condition or if your wizard is just straight up unrecognizable from arc 1 to arc 4. Bonus bonus points if the wizard gains a disability from it and has to learn to adapt to their new condition

#holly steelcry was shroter than average before the paradox in empyrea thing. they grew 3 ft after that #also got personal hcs of shadow magic in particular having physical and mental adverse effects to those who practice it regularly #i froth at the mouth whenever i see wizard ocs that have extra or atypical features due to their magical experiences #i actually have an eldritch wizard au where they slowly become less Human and more Thing. personality wise theyre still chill- #-but physically they look like Nyarlathotep #one random shadow magic hc - physical scars start to form on your body based on that person's biggest mental block/trauma #shadow practioner young wizard has strange scars that looks like a clawed hand wrapped around their throat or an azteca constellation #<- due to their unresolved guilt over azteca #or scars over their stomach that look like monsteous spider legs stretched outwards due to their guilt of being fooled by gf spider #wizard101 #w101 #wiz101 #text posts #ALL WIZARD OCS ARE BOMB BTW I DIDNT MEAN JUST ONE TYPE OF OCS. EVERY OC IS AWESOME #i just get the Good Feelings whenever i see that specific type of oc/lore for some reason

[jouno-s]

the sheep do not deserve the absolute shredding they get from the fanbase 😭 it isn’t generally the fault of the fans, i blame it more on whatever the fuck bones studio did to fifteen in the anime adaptation bc fuck knows that was all over the place, but man i wish people were a little more sympathetic towards them

yes they absolutely ordered chuuya around like a dog and yes they stabbed him. we can agree that was bad. but i feel like you really have to consider the context

the sheep are separate from other organisations in bsd in that they are formed entirely of young orphans who are likely mostly traumatised. they live on the streets and also have to cope with larger organisations like the mafia lurking around— they are scared and rightfully so

i always think back to the lines in storm bringer where it mentions the sheep drinking alcohol under a bridge. they’re clearly all very troubled kids who are struggling just to survive

yeah i don’t think that cornering and stabbing chuuya was right but i don’t hold much blame over their heads for the things they did when it’s obvious that it’s their situation making them so scared and paranoid. the sheep weren’t just some average toxic friends that were out to get you, they were traumatised kids trying to survive

#bsd #bsd the sheep #bsd chuuya #bsd shirase #this feels so repetitive but i’m tired pls forgive me #just needed to talk about them bc i love the sheep and the amount of hate they get is frankly strange to me #i’ve seen more hate for characters like shirase than i have for actual main antagonists #also i do not personally think dazai was the *entire* reason that they betrayed chuuya #this is not abt him #this isn’t a post i’m aiming to spark debate with #bungo stray dogs #bungou stray dogs #bsd fifteen

[milfygerard]

but fr outside of my contracted madness i absolutely refuse to give joe alwyn gold rush like how is that song at all related to their relationship the lyrics clearly spell out a relationship that either never existed or only existed in implication and fantasies and maybe-maybe nots and its so bitter and yet desperately soft in the bridge where it almost projects a sense of envy, of wanting to be them as much as you want them. It continues an interesting oft ignored lyrical trend of taylor wanting just as much to be her lover as to have them, envying their easy charisma (you were flush with the currency of cool/i was always turning out my pockets) or quiet dignity (your integrity makes me seem small) dating back to her earliest songs (the kind of flawless i wish i could be). Theres a projected self hatred and yearning to be better that twists itself into both romantic and sexual lust for her partners thats so fascinating and speaks to how all of her songs regardless of who theyre about are also an act of self reflection on who she is and who she wishes to be.

#barry.txt #taylor swift #putting this in the tags as a form of self protection but make no mistake this is a gay thing to do especially in gold rush #which through simple context clues is Obviously About A Woman or maybe even women in general #whivh is a totally seperate post on how taylor constructs and uses gender identity in her music #her girlhood and femininity are earnest but also so carefully constructed and so high effort and kind of desperate #shes a deeply self concious and obsessive person who never looks comfortable in anything ever unless shes #onstage or like. by herself in loose jeans and a tshirt #i think thats one of the things that subconsciously irritate ppl when it comes to her shes constantly and clearly putting in effort #to appear As The Celebrity Taylor Swift and struggles not to self censor or overperform in interviews (when she gives them) #especially present in pre 1989 interviews where the interviewers really didnt have to respect her or worry abt how they frame her #if they didnt want to. Like the fearless era rolling stone interview where she almost has a meltdown over her mom buying eggnog instead of #milk. That whole interview is strange looking back not just bc of the weird misogyny but also because of what it does share #taylor is....weird. She has a strange and desperate vibe and always reacts slightly too much and uses slang poorly #shes media trained and has learned how to socialize but you can feel her discomfort whenever she doesnt have a guitar in her hand #idk these tags have once again gotten so unweildy. i just find it interesting that she finally feels some level of comfortable #in sharing that construction w us in songs like mirrorball and mastermind and imo gold rush #and scene #should i write this up and put it in the swiftieism zine #i should write something and put it in the swiftieism zine

[insertsomthinawesome]

I'M BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACK!!! Okay so honestly I have been very very inconsistent over the years with just disappearing for periods of time due to various things 😂 So it probably seemed pretty normal to most people.

But it felt different on my side, so I'm excited to be back in business. I took a month long hiatus! 31 days of not drawing digital art. Its not something I talk about on here? But I've been suffering from some serious long term Art Burnout for.... a really really long time. Long enough that I should've taken a break probably years ago. It finally got so bad that I could barely draw. I was scared to do it (cause it always looked "bad" in my eyes [i'll come back to that]) and doing it was exhausting and disheartening.

I talked it over with somebody and realized that the fear and anger and frustration I felt towards my own artwork was uh. Not Normal or Healthy. And I finally committed to taking a real break for once.

I still drew a little bit by hand? Traditional art has always felt like it has lower stakes for me (i don't often share it online, and sometimes I don't even share it with friends) so I did some of that when I felt like it. But Digital art was completely off the table.

I had put such an immense pressure on myself to make my digital art perfect, to make as much of it as quickly as possible to satisfy something. It wasn't fun anymore. I'm proud of what i've made over the years! But for a long time now the stuff I've been making was made while hating every second of making it. With some rare exceptions.

I hated my art! It was a combination of Perfectionism, taking in too many external expectations, and the burnout. If you hate doing something its kinda hard to love it even when you want too lol. It wasn't "Bad" in the sense that the quality was low and it was ugly! It was "Bad" in the sense that it was unhealthy for me to keep doing it at that point in time.

I'm glad to report though, that with my hiatus officially over as of Wednesday last week: I am once again. In Love. With doing art, and being an artist :)

I put off taking a break for years cause I was scared that taking a break would mean that I would never achieve all the things I wanted to do with art. I was scared it was a stupid and lazy thing to do that would mean I'd never achieve my dreams. And Also even though I kinda hated drawing, I also loved making art. Its a weird duality that I can't even really explain??? I hated it but I also loved it. I wanted it but I also wanted to run from it. It wasn't until I was more mature and had more clarity and insight (and unfortunately also until the problems got worse) that I was finally able to let go of those fears and just do it.

And I'm really really glad I did. It was everything I needed. And I hope to strike a better balance in the future with art. Taking more breaks when I need them, or just when other things have my attention like reading or Video games (Some star rail got played during this time xD)

From the outside things probably aren't going to be that different?? At this point I don't really have any sure plans to post anything I've been drawing since my Hiatus ended. I might or I might not xD I'm still a hobbyist artist taking things at her own pace, but I hope that it shows how much happier I am :)

Whumptober 2023 is being officially put to rest by this post btw! I was in major burnout when that event started, and I'm ready to just, move on from all the past expectations I'd shoved on my shoulders. If I feel like filling any of the prompts or going back to any of the ideas I'd come up for it I will! But I'm not going to worry about doing it unless the desire sets in. Thanks to everybody who's been so kind to me throughout my time on here as an artist! Ya'lls tags and screaming and kind words, the fanfic, the asks and the responses? Its been fantastic :) You guys have made me laugh, smile, and cry tears of joy. I hope from here that things only get better and sweeter! And if I have bad days again, that's okay too.

Here's to 2024 and whatever it may bring ya'll :D 🎉🎉✨✨🧡💜

#isa screams #long post #gif #flashing #i think? Lemme know if I'm incorrect on that one alksdjfLKSJDJDSG #I don't normally talk this much so its kinda strange? #its kinda nice to be more honest about this stuff though #I'm a bit more of a private person so its hard to find the balance between wanting to discuss things openly and honestly #but with the fact that I don't owe the entire world an explanation for everything I do #its a tricky thing #but today I felt like doing this and I think that's okay #if i regret it I just won't do it again alsdjLSDJLFJSGSDG #thanks if you read this! I appreciate it! #I'm a pretty smalltime artist relatively. So sometimes it feels as though it doesn't mater what i say or express. #But hm. I doubt its really that simple or bleak #And if I don't respect myself then well. Who will right? #And I want to learn how to be happy with how little or how much I get #part of the reason I've done so poorly mentally as an artist is chasing numbers and outside praise instead of asking the harder questions #am i happy with what i do? what I make? Who I am #I'm going to probably be working on those questions and problems for the rest of my life. #But thats okay. Thats not a bad thing :)

[sunonwaxyleaves]

Matthew Knies 2023/2024 preseason pic by Mark Blinch

#he looks so pretty why did it feel like this wasn’t posted anywhere #he’s so pretty WHY WASNT THIS POSTED EVERYWHERE? #i love him so much #it feels so strange to love a hockey player so much but here i am #(aka ive never been a sports person i’m an arts person and the leafs came along and said hehe we gonna fuck you up homie!) #matthew knies #maple leafs #toronto maple leafs #my big beefy guy

[kommandonuovidiavoli]

Fight

[TW: depression, intrusive thoughts, entomophobia, suicide]

#teen au #this is a bit heavy #it's based on personal experience #hope you are ok and safe #call someone and talk to them if you feel strange #knd #kids next door #nigel uno #depression // #Entomophobia // #intrusive thoughts // #suicide // #ask to tag #also yes double post today HAH

[spookythesillyfella]

tony prepared the cereal !! sketch added the toppings !! and colin is a coward who won't eat what his partner and his sibling prepared for him !!

★ [ audio from "The Endorsed Frosted Crispy Sweets Prized Pals Commercial" – @/partycoffin on tumblr]

#sometimes i sit . and i think that i should put the phone down and never make content again #the dread of being the only person who cares about my stuff is consuming me every day and i just want someone who would love to hear me – #– rant about the guys for absolutely no reason . no one really has the time for me so i just feel sorta strange #i dunno #i guess venting in the tags of my posts makes me feel better but it just feels like attention-seeking behavior #then again i assume no one reads my tags anyways #whatever #little guys who give me brainrot stuff #dhmis #dhmis art #dhmis au #high voltage au #dhmis sketchbook #sketchbook dhmis #dhmis hv sketchbook #dhmis tony #tony the talking clock #dhmis hv tony #dhmis colin #colin the computer #dhmis hv colin #i guess having some more free time and going to comicon is coming up #so that's neat i suppose #im planning on painting my nails neuvillette color [blue and white] :3 #okay bye-bye guys #drink water #i love y'all #<3

[chocolatewoosh]

Finally put together a neat Meet The Artist thingie for myself, and something I can pin to my blog! Yippee!!

So, howdy! I'm Kailey, She/They, butch lesbian and currently 28 as of writing this! Also I'm Canadian! I like to draw, and I animate for a living. :] You can find me just about anywhere on the internet as Chocolatewoosh!

✨ About Me | Reblog Blog | My Characters | Art Tag | Ask Box ✨

Thanks for stopping by, and I hope y'have a lovely day!

#Pinned post #Its Boops! #Kaileys Art #Kailey Does A Talk #Putting these in BOTH tags cuz I can. Yee and also Haw #It's so weird I see people with pinned posts on their blogs all the time but I never see people MAKE them. So hello! This feels Strange. #I hope you are having a Fantastic day today person reading this right now thank u for taking a sec to read my silly tags #Oh right people usually have a BYF thing or DNI lists on these pinned posts right. uuuuuuuuuuhhhhhh #dni if u blink too loudly you'll scare my cat she is Old and Anxious. ok that's it I love u take care buh bye!!!!!!!!!!!!

[lesmiserablol]

going through your blog posts from years ago is so wild like that is a different person

#like i genuinely dont recognize the girl who started bisexuallsokka. so many of those posts or like my interactions with asks feel so #strange to read. its very clear to me i still had a foot in the door of mormonism. like that fake overly nice people pleaser personality #also she was so cringe. but like her sister was still alive so ill allow it. and she wrote all her fics to distract from chronic pain or #to have something to do in er waiting rooms and rehab visits etc so im not going to be a stickler about those #that took a dark turn goodby.e

[loveletterworm]

(homestuck specifically does not count here because its too popular and would break the intent of this question. I dont care if you read homestuck. Pretend it doesn't exist for the purposes of this question)

#God I genuinely hope nobody adds a longwinded list of recommendations to this post. I'm just trying to check if I'm insane #mypost #The intent of this question being trying to see if my thought that nobody reads these is justified at all. #Not meant disparagingly to the medium really. Its just that it kind of seems like everyone keeps trying to make one but nobody reads them. #Or maybe that's just my own personal problem and very limited amount of people i know. #Ive had like at least 2-3 major ''tried to make comic and failed'' incidents in the past (when i was like 15 you don't remember them.) #without having actually particularly read or cared about anyone else's. i feel like this may be strange to have done several times. #it is only a very recent development that i am even keeping up with a comic at all and its still just one... #and that was kind of because it was started by a person i was already following beforehand #so it kind of would have showed up in front of me either way.

[orinthered]

imagine being the kind of person who spends money to shove this dogshit in the face of strangers

#‘you’re allowed to put current events aside’ thats nice man thats really nice good for you #do you need validation from every stranger you meet on the internet to function? i can’t fathom the kind of person #who needs a post like this. to be quite honest #just weird and strange all around. trying to coddle the feelings of someone who’ll never be in any sort of proximity to this violence #but not a word in the whole post about palestine’s actual freedom sbfiwbeuwiwhrj #.txt

[craycraybluejay]

Guys pls don't make my post Tumblr famous, I don't think the masses are ready to hear my beliefs on thought crime :/

#i actually discussed my activism and posts w my therapist #and she also thinks yall are stupid and really cruel to people who likely have issues other than the percieved issue of a bad attraction #hell she even has to remind me 'thoughts are thoughts' bc i am a person and i do second guess my feelings #unrelated to attraction feelings to specify #just stuff ab life #they really are aren't they? just thoughts. #i imagined a fucking goliath of an albino snake nearly eating me but i wasnt actually nearly eaten by a snake #i thought of hitting someone who yelled at me but i didnt do that #you know? #it's really strange to have a better grip on reality than 'saner' people #i guess it makes sense though with the experience of hallucination and whatnot #you kind of have to reality check yourself a million times more in a month than an average person's lifetime #if you want to stay on top of the real world #idk i guess its just baffling to me that people with a relatively abled grip on reality seem to opt to ignore it on purpose

[rawliverandgoronspice]

nothing is funnier than seeing huge masses of gamers having One Major Complain about a game that's about to come out and repeat it over and over as THE deal-breaking thing, meanwhile you (gamedev) are like "buddy that's not even in the top 3 of things that are wrong with this game you're all gonna forget it was even a thing that bothered you by the time you actually have the controller in your hands"

#thoughts #gamedev #deactivated the reblog because #me posting this is bad praxis #but #it is very funny #(tbh I think gamers have by and large very strange priorities and hyperfocus on shit that literally does not matter) #(or is integral to the vision/the specific experience provided) #(also I'm sorry but unless the fps drop makes the game unplayable or consistently annoying I could not care less) #(if the experience is worth a janky framing I'm able to forgive almost any jankiness personally) #(sometimes the jankiness enhances the experience even! looking at you oblivion!) #(“is the game fun and why does it have soul does it speak to you do you feel enriched” is so often??? left out of the conversation???) #(to be perfectly honest a whole lot of gamers don't really respect games that much imho) #(expecting the experience to cater to them instead of being willing to meet them where they are *and then* assess and discuss) #(this medium suffers from such a lack of curiosity and introspection across the board it's genuinely exhausting) #((sorry I'm in a very sour mood regarding the game industry in general right now so!!!!))

[captainofthetidesbreath]

me, grabbing Chet by the shoulders and shaking him aggressively: Who the FUCK are Deanna and Frudell specifically? The gentle times of wayward romances of your youth, sure, but WHY are they the pull for this moment? FCG remembers Dancer and Ashton and people from their life pre-Divergence, Ashton remembers his parents, and you—Deanna and Frudell. For what reason are they given such significance? What was important about them all those years ago, centuries ago? Why did it take you SO long to find a word for them—and why does it feel like a half-truth? What is the DEAL with them? Who EXACTLY are they?

#brought to you by someone who became obsessed with the vaguely alluded to person in Chet's playlist #I am maybe getting answers on the missing person(s) in that playlist #I should dig up those posts again #Critical Role #Critical Role things #CR spoilers #Chetney Pock O'Pea #I am feeling vindicated that MAYBE I wasn't insane to think that there is an unnamed person in that playlist. #That maybe there IS the shape of someone (multiple even) that's not addressed and unspoken and *missing* but very much THERE in empty space #Maybe there IS someone being addressed there who is the cause of that VERY strange unnamed presence in that playlist. Maybe.

[oflgtfol]

i was talking to my therapist last week about how i'm kinda excited but also equally apprehensive about starting grad school this fall because yes, i so so desperately needed a gap year otherwise i think i literally would have killed myself and/or had a breakdown big enough to land me in the hospital, and even beyond that i just needed to figure out a more concrete plan of what i'm going to do with my life in general -- while all of that is true, and i'm glad i took the gap year for it, i'm also apprehensive because i genuinely feel like an entirely different person than i was even at this exact point in time last year, nevermind anything earlier than that. it's only been a single year of me being out of school but my life has changed so dramatically, mostly for the better, and my whole personality has flipped on its head, it's just going to be so fucking weird going back to the same school, the same campus, potentially seeing my old friends around. augh

#sorry i was trying to find a post in my music tag in my archive and i scrolled so far back i got all the way to april 2023 #where i referenced sitting in a dining hall #and its like. DINING HALL ?!?!?! #im going to be sitting in the fucking dining hall again in just like four months. UGH #brot posts #it's almost similar to the separation between high school and college. where i feel like hs me was completely different than college me #and now only a mere year later i feel like. post-undergrad me is completely different than undergrad me #although now that separation is exacerbated by how short a time it was and just HOW drastic a change it was #like . a bitch goes on antidepressants suddenly theyre a whole new person. #like im lowkey excited to see my old classmates and friends again #but i also am dreading it bc like hi. hey. i have the same name and face as the person you knew but i'm someone else now. sorry #and also just the persistent fear that i'm going to regress or at least even just /feel/ like im regressing #just by being back in that environment again? #even if i'll be on meds this time and actually going to therapy and overall having so much more support than i did in the past #so as nostalgic as i am to be on campus again it's also like. hard to separate the present from the past #like despite it all. this bathroom was still the very same place i went to have a mental breakdown weekly #this bench outdoors was the place i sat by myself to eat lunch in the blistering cold bc i couldnt eat indoors during covid 2020-2021 #this bench indoors was where my friends had an intervention with me and forced me to call the on-campus mental health services #just . idk. feeling a strange mix of nostalgia and also being haunted by bad memories #oh the woes of going to grad school at the same place you got your undergrad. While mentally ill #but alas i need to save money by commuting and having instate tuition