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the-witty-pen-name · 3 years

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Fell in Love in Scotland Pt. 2

Sam Wilson x F!Reader

Warnings: ptsd/trauma related to war; mentions of nightmares; angst; cursing; pining; slow burn; 18+ in later parts (maybe? not sure yet)

Summary: After finding about the new Captain America, the reader goes to Louisiana to visit Sam.

Word Count: 2.1k

A/N: So I know this isn’t on my list of things I *should* be working on, but I had this idea today and I had to get it down! This is only going to be 2-3 parts. (Edit: 3 parts!) This is my first time writing for Sam!

I’m taking a small break from working on my other works in progress to focus on getting out as much Sam content as a can before Sam’s (and my) bday on the 14th! Not sure how much I’ll be able to write but that is my hope!

My biggest flex at the moment is sharing a bday with Sam.

This references Civil War, Endgame and Infinity War events in flashbacks but you know, canon is a thing I like to just maneuver around so I’m sorry if there are many major inaccuracies!

This is unedited and please let me know if I missed anything that should be included as a warning.

Taglist is in my bio

The safe house in Scotland was small. A little cottage hidden away in the countryside. Absolutely beautiful, if not for the looming reminders of why you were there in the first place.

You didn’t handle laying low well. You didn’t like not doing anything. Your resolve for handling your thoughts, your problems had always been to just push them aside. Focus your energy on anything but what would pull you down. You couldn’t allow yourself to just exist. Time stopped and there was no fight to be fought, and you hated it.

Fortunately, you were with people who understood. Sam and Steve especially. It didn’t take long for Sam to work his way in. He understood you, and he related to you. Neither one of you really needed to acknowledge it. There was an unspoken understanding between the two of you which made it all feel so seamless.

You were restless, and nights were always the worst. You’d spend several hours tossing in turning on your mattress, unable to get comfortable. You’d bring your pillow and sheet with you onto the floor of your room, and if you were lucky enough to fall asleep, you’d wake up after only a few hours. Sometimes you’d remember the nightmares vividly, other times it was just the feelings that lingered.

Most nights, you’d wait it out in your room watching the clock until it was early enough to “get out of bed.” So, you’d wait until the red numbers on the screen turned to 4am and then you’d sneak your way downstairs to the kitchen or the living room, so you didn’t need to face the idea of sleep.

After a few weeks, Sam caught on to your routine. He would join you in the mornings, help you make coffee and talk about nothing. Just helping you keep your mind off the things that bothered you. He looked as tired as you, and you would insist on him getting more sleep. But Sam never made you go through any of the hard days on your own.

“You get used to it,” he’d say, understanding what you were going through better than anybody.

“I don’t know if I can,” you admit, curled up in a ball on the sofa, the warm mug of coffee Sam made cradled tightly in your hands. The curtains are pulled open, and you stare out the window to your right, watching the sun slowly coming up.

“You should try sleeping in your bed again,” he suggests. You’d recently promoted yourself from sleeping on the floor to the couch. Baby steps. You nod, knowing he’s right.

You get a rental car the next morning and you drive to the address Sam texted you. You’re greeted immediately by two rowdy young boys, asking you if you’re an Avenger like their Uncle Sam. He’s literally Uncle Sam. How could he think he didn’t deserve the shield? Well, you know why. But the coincidence is too funny not to bring up to him once all of this is resolved.

Each of them grabbed you by an arm and drag you to the backyard. You chuckle, following their lead as they ask you a million questions. They call out to Sam when he is in view and he smiles when he sees you. Your heart flips.

“They bothering you?” he asks and you shake your head.

“No, they’re great,” you beam watching them run off.

“You look good,” he compliments you, and you feel like jelly. “You’re sleeping?” Oh.

“Yeah, I mean, for the most part,” you reply, “So do you.” You can’t miss the smile on his face. “So, uh, have you heard from Bucky?”

“I text him all the time, trying to check in, but no nothing. You?”

You shake your head. “I stopped trying,” you admit, “but I can’t blame him. He really doesn’t know me.”

“He’ll come around,” he reasons, trying to be optimistic. “So, I want to show you the boat?”

“You have a boat?” you chuckle, and he grins, nodding like a little kid.

“35-foot yacht,” he teases.

“Of course,” you smile.

It was only just noon when you both arrived at the docks. The air felt crisper, and the sun felt phenomenal on your shoulders. It wasn’t until you were outside in weather like this that you realized how often you opted to stay hidden away in your apartment. The atmosphere just felt more alive, and the air in your lungs felt almost cleansing.

You sat across from Sam on the bow of the boat, your legs dangling over the side. You were sitting close enough to him that your thighs touched, and you were trying your hardest to ignore the feeling. You just felt warm, and you felt more relaxed than you had been since you’d last seen him.

“I just need to ask,” Sam asks, cutting through both of your laughter. You really had spent the day so far just reminiscing, talking about nothing really. “Did you and Cap- were you guys…?”

“Oh god no,” you choke quickly, you stifle another laugh, “Steve was just a really great friend. No nothing like that. I would go to the end of the earth and back for Steve… but no, I didn’t have feelings for him that way.”

“I had thought maybe at one point something was going on there,” he shrugs. Is he serious?

“Never,” you reiterate.

Sleeping in a bed became easier, but the nightmares were something that you just couldn’t shake no matter how hard you tried. Many times, it would be late in the night and you’d be gently shaken awake. Sam would be kneeling next to your bed, trying to wake you up.

“Please stay,” you’d ask, eyes glossed over and your skin stained with tears. He could never say no. You’d scoot over and he’d climb in and settle next to you. It wasn’t even anything romantic. You didn’t cuddle or invade his space. You just needed to feel him next to you, and you’d be able to sleep. The cycle continued for a long while until you were able to sleep through the night without the haunting dreams.

But you missed waking up with him there.

“You need to tell him,” Steve would insist, and you’d shut down the idea every single time.

“No, I can’t,” you’d insist. The only person who knew how you felt was Steve. You hadn’t even told him; he just knew you too well.

“You’re making yourself miserable,” he’d elaborate, “you deserve a little happiness- Sam deserves happiness. He wants you too.”

“Happiness? With me?” you snort, “Steve, think about me, my past- everything I carry around with me. You know as well as I do, I can’t infect him with that when he has his own issues. We’re all too broken- he deserves better.”

“You don’t to be the one to decide that for him,” he counters. “What Sam deserves is the truth.”

“I know, I know!” you sigh, wrapping your arms around yourself and you can’t look at Steve. “Telling him how I feel complicates things to much. I can’t risk it.”

“Even if he feels the same way?”

“Especially if he feels the same way.”

You rest back on your palms, close your eyes and tilt your head up towards the direction of the sun. Your mind wanders to Steve, and how much you miss him. You were oftentimes too thick headed to take any of his advice but it was something you hadn’t realized you needed.

You decide to just throw out all your apprehension. And just take the advice from Steve you should’ve taken years ago. The timing is perfect. The universe is screaming at you to just tell him.

“I gave up the shield because I didn’t think anyone could follow Steve,” he admits, “I didn’t think I could fill the role- no one can, or maybe no one should.”

“You’re the only person who can, Sam,” you say, looking back over to him.

“When I gave it up, I didn’t think it would be given to someone else. I donated it- to keep it with the rest of what we have left of him. God- if I had known…”

“I watched on television when you donated it, Sam,” you say, putting a hand on his shoulder. “Symbols are nothing without the men and women that give them meaning… I wish you saw yourself the way Steve did- the way I do…”

“That’s not fair…”

“You said we need new heroes for the times we’re in. Sam- the world needs a new Captain America. And you know as well as I do, that man on TV they pushed out there isn’t it.”

“It’s not me, either,” he says, looking down at the water, the reflection of the two of you rippled and distorted.

“I wish you could see how much that isn’t true,” you admit, “I also- I also wish I was more like you… You’re so good at talking to me… people like us and Steve. You show people their value and their worth, and you’re just so fiercely loyal it’s almost annoying. And I suck at that, I’m a terrible communicator, and I can’t vocalize how much you’re worth, and how much you deserve the shield. Feelings are just too overwhelming and I can’t focus them into anything coherent. And you right now need what you give others just so freely, and you’re stuck with me… I know I’m not Steve, and I as much as I try to convince you the decision is yours, but you need to know that you are the only person who can be our new Captain… Steve wasn’t wrong about you, and I just… I’m in your corner.”

“(Y/N) …”

It was safe in Scotland. Quiet, secluded. Time wasn’t looming over you. There was nothing there that was any imminent threat except your own demons that you carried with you. You had a lot of regrets, past mistakes that haunted you whenever you slowed down. It’s why when you left the air force, you joined SHIELD. You were like Steve, kindred spirits plagued by the after effects of war and both of you resolved to fighting rather than be left to your own devises.

Not like Sam. Sam put his focus into helping others. Selfless, and understanding, he was always there. He was thoughtful with what he chose to fight for, which is something you greatly admired. He was morals and loyalty, and everything that made a great man. He was a friend first, and a fighter second.

Which is such a rare quality that you wished you could tell him you noticed.

Steve got very into crossword puzzles. He found a box up in the attic tucked away of old books from whoever used to live here. He’d sit on the armchair in the living room, pencil in hand and try his best to fill in what he knew. He ended up heavily relying on you and Sam to fill in the references he didn’t know.

You and Sam would be on the couch, you tucked into his side, watching television or sometimes you’d both read, old magazines or anything you could find for entertainment. One night you both sat on the floor on opposite sides of the coffee table with an incomplete deck of cards playing Double Solitaire, and Steve would occasionally vocalize a clue he was stuck on.

“Drummer of Duran Duran. Blank Taylor. Five letters,” Steve said, not looking up from the flimsy book.

“Roger Taylor,” Sam answered aimlessly, tapping the card in his hand to his chin as his eyes scanned the columns of cards.

A few minutes of silence follow before Steve speaks again.

“1996 Looney Toons film starring Michael Jordan. Eight letters.”

“Space Jam,” you smirk, and you bite your lip to hold back a laugh. You want to ask him what the theme is for the puzzle he’s working on but you decide against it. You don’t want to embarrass him.

It felt really silly. The three of you, all ex-military crime fighters on the run, couped up together in this tiny living room, playing cards and helping Captain America with a pop culture crossword. Maybe it just felt weird because it was so normal.

You’re sweating. You didn’t realize it until just now. The dampness of the underarms of your t-shirt was all you could focus on. Why were you so nervous? Because again, the universe if giving you every single sign to just tell him. Yell it out so loud it echoes back to you across the water. Tell him. Tell him everything.

Every harbored fantasy of being with him. Tell him how much he means to you and how sorry you are that your fears drive you away from him. He feels so strong, and stoic next to you, it’s making your head spin and you feel like your brain is leaving your body behind. He’s so understanding and patient, and here you are, again, leaving him on another cliff hanger.

“Sam, I need to tell you something.”

No going back now.

Taglist:

@greeneyedblondie44 @witchybarb @stiles-stilinski-24-dylan @sassy-kassaay @aynanasstuff @claudiaatje @lieswithoutfairytales @ttalisa @januarystears

#sam wilson #sam wilson x reader #sam wilson x you #sam wilson x y/n #the falcon and the winter soldier #sam wilson fanfiction #justsamwilson #falcon #slow burn #friends to lovers #anthony mackie characters #mcu imagine

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tsrookie · 3 years

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Alright, so today’s the three-year anniversary of Reputation a.k.a the greatest album of all time, my baby, the light of my life, the album that deserved a Grammy (trying desperately not to think about the scene from Miss Americana😭), the album that introduced us to the most beautiful couple ever, the album that shut Kimye up, and I better stop now, or else I’m not gonna shut up.

So in honour of this momentous occasion (and the fact that I reached 200+ followers! Thank you so much you guys!🥺 Love you all 3000💙), here’s a loooooong post on why Reputation is the Ethan and MC album.

1. ...Ready For It?

No one has to know

Throwback to MC saying the exact same words back in Miami.

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

You should see the things we do, baby, mmm

In the middle of the night, in my dreams

I know I'm gonna be with you

So I take my time

Remember back when MC asked for Ethan to get into bed right away during their first time? Ethan told them that he had dreamt about the moment for months, so he wasn’t going to rush it.

2. End Game

Big reputation, big reputation

Ooh you and me would be a big conversation

These two dating would be the talk of the hospital, and they know it.

Even when we'd argue, we don't do it for long

And you understand the good and bad, end up in the song

For all your beautiful traits, and the way you do it with ease

For all my flaws, paranoia, and insecurities

Think these lines are pretty self-explanatory😌

I hit you like bang

We tried to forget it, but we just couldn't

*gets war flashbacks of the ‘reset’ phase*😭 They tried to make it work, but we all know how Ch 8 of book 2 went😌

I swear I don't love the drama, it loves me

Perfect for our chaotic MC😌

3. Don’t Blame Me

Do I... really have to explain this one?

For you, I would cross the line

I would waste my time

I would lose my mind

They say she's gone too far this time

Do we need a recap of our rule-breaking MC?

And baby, for you, I would fall from grace

Just to touch your face

If you walk away

I'd beg you on my knees to stay

He was willing to risk his (mostly) rule-abiding reputation for being with MC. And there’s no way he wouldn’t beg for MC not to leave him if he ever screwed up🤷‍♀️

4. Delicate

This ain't for the best

My reputation's never been worse, so

You must like me for me

Ethan stood by MC’s side throughout the Ethics hearing, when her reputation was completely smeared, and people only saw her as a patient murderer. He didn’t know about the sabotages, but he would’ve definitely supported her if he had known.

We can't make

Any promises now, can we, babe?

Commitment-phobia🙃

Sometimes I wonder when you sleep

Are you ever dreaming of me?

Sometimes when I look into your eyes

I pretend you're mine, all the damn time

They spent so much of time apart, not able to be with each other, so the least they could do was dream of being with each other all the time.

5. So It Goes (an underrated af bop)

What can I say... it’s a sex song, okay? Don’t make me go into the details😂 Just listen to the lyrics, and all will be clear.

6. Gorgeous (Tumblr won’t let me put any more links)

MC’s eternal anthem to Ethan.

Whisky on ice, Sunset and Vine

You've ruined my life, by not being mine

We all know Ethan loves Whiskey, and the second line? C’mon!

You're so gorgeous

I can't say anything to your face

'Cause look at your face

And I'm so furious

At you for making me feel this way

But, what can I say?

You're gorgeous

Ethan Ramsey is famous for two reasons. One: his smart brain, I guess😒 Two: HIS LOOKS!!! HE’S GORGEOUS, AND DON’T DENY IT.

And you should think about the consequence

Of you touching my hand in the darkened room (dark room, dark room)

Ah, the olden days of hand holding in the diagnostics office🥺

Ocean blue eyes looking in mine

I feel like I might sink and drown and die

No explanation required.

You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah

There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have

You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad

The wonderful will-they-won’t-they saga. The frustrating hot-and-cold behaviour. The ‘We can’t’, ‘It’s unethical’ and ‘It’s complicated’. MC deserves an award for her patience😓

7. King Of My Heart

I'm perfectly fine, I live on my own

I made up on my mind, I'm better off bein' alone

Ethan ‘I don’t believe in soulmates and nobody’s waiting at home’ Ramsey.

And all at once, you are the one I have been waiting for

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

And all at once, you are all I want, I'll never let you go

King of my heart, body and soul, ooh whoa

This could be from both Ethan and MC’s perspectives. The love they share isn’t something that you get easily. It’s something that MC has waited for her whole life, and something Ethan never knew he needed, but now can’t live without🥺

Late in the night, the city's asleep

Your love is a secret I'm hoping, dreaming, dying to keep

Change my priorities

The taste of your lips is my idea of luxury

This was definitely Ethan throughout book 2, after he finally gave in. He let go of his previous rules and regulations, especially during the time of the attack. He was clearly affected, and once MC was alright, his main priority was her, and her alone.

Is the end of all the endings?

My broken bones are mending

With all these nights we're spending

Ethan’s been burnt a lot in the past. But all those wounds are now healing thanks to MC.

Up on the roof with a school girl crush

Drinking beer out of plastic cups

They act like lovesick teenagers around each other, like, that’s literally their description if you choose to kiss Ethan for the first time in Chapter 14 of book 2!😅

Say you fancy me, not fancy stuff

Baby, all at once, this is enough

We all know about his initial fear of his mother reaching out to him for the sake of his money. To him, MC not talking advantage of him is a pretty big deal, even though it’s never mentioned. You just know, you know?🥺

8. Dancing With Our Hands Tied

My, my love had been frozen

Deep blue, but you painted me golden

Again, Ethan doesn’t have the best experience with love. But MC changed that.

I'm a mess, but I'm the mess that you wanted

This could go both ways, cause they’re both piping hot messes😬 (but love each other anyway🥺)

The rest of this song could have made so much more sense for them if we had gotten some sort of a secret relationship storyline. But oh well, I’m definitely not complaining about the gala😌 (and definitely not believing any of the supposed cancelled storylines)

9. Dress

Our secret moments

In a crowded room

They got no idea

About me and you

I mean... pretty obvious😌

Even in my worst times, you could see the best of me

And I woke up just in time

Now I wake up by your side

My one and only, my lifeline

This is practically Ethan’s train of thought, and you can’t convince me otherwise.

As for the rest of the steamier lyrics... I’ll um... let you guys listen to it yourselves😁

10. Call It What You Want

I wrote an entire fic inspired by this song, so excuse me for the shameless self-promo, but go give it a read?🥺👉👈(totally fine if you don’t! I’ve probably made so many posts about this song that y’all know the meaning anyway😅)

11. New Years Day

Don't read the last page

But I stay when you're lost and I'm scared and you're turning away

I want your midnights

But I'll be cleaning up bottles with you on New Year's Day

MC has always stayed by Ethan’s side, even when he’s pushed her away. These lines perfectly explain how she wants his worst times, and his best, the midnights they spend staying up together, and the moments where it’s just the two of them, when everyone else has left, like the aftermath of a New Years party (still mad at the fact that we didn’t get to see the gang celebrate New Year together😭)

I'll be there if you're the toast of the town babe

Or if you strike out and you're crawling home

The above explanation for these lines as well.

Please don't ever become a stranger whose laugh I could recognize anywhere

Becoming strangers to each other would be their worst nightmares. Knowing that the other was out there in the world somewhere, but not being in their lives would kill them.

You and me forevermore

These two are each other’s soulmate, they know it, even if they haven’t said it yet. Forever wouldn’t be enough for them to shower each other with they love they hold for each other. But it’s a good start.

——————————

If you guys made it this far, then I honestly love you more than words can ever express🥺💙 Thanks for putting up with my Swiftie-Directioner-Ethan stan ass, cause I dunno if I’d ever be able to handle someone like myself. And if you read all the above stuff, then I hope you wanna know why this album means so much to me.

Reputation is perceived as a dark album, when in reality it’s truly about finding love amongst all the noise. This album, and Taylor and Joe’s story, taught me what true love actually is, and Ethan and MC cemented that. This album and these two couples (quite literally) saved my life.

The most beautiful part about both these relationships is that even though they never showed it openly, for the sake of their relationships, both Ethan(in the story) and Joe stood by the side of the one’s they loved, despite half of the people who they knew hating on them, or betraying them. And I think that’s what’s truly important. Forming a true relationship like that, be it platonic or romantic, is long lasting, and I hope everyone finds those kind of people to fill their hearts with. Sending much love, and sorry for being a huge sap😅💙

Tagging a couple of my Swiftie homies: @swiftlydarcy @nikki-2406 @dxnicaramsey @kaavyaethanramsey @caseyvalentineramsey @drariellevalentine @justanotherrookie

#open heart #open heart second year #dr ethan ramsey x mc #ethan jonah ramsey #ethan ramsey x mc #ethan x mc #mercy goes nuts #happy three years of Reputation🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤🤍🖤#ethan ramsey

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spiftynifty · 4 years

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VLD Rewatch: Season 3

For a half-of-a-half season, season 3 packs quite a bit in and sets up a lot of plot. This shouldn't be surprising; Voltron was laid out as three 26-ep seasons, with each season bringing a new big bad and new theme. Season 3 is our beginning of the Lotor arc and there's a lot of setup and... a lot to unpack here.

For those who are still in "can't do it" mode about rewatching the series (which is fair), here's a quick summary to catch you up:

Shiro has been missing for (it's kind of implied) months. Without Shiro, Voltron and the group are fractured, especially with Keith's deep grief over losing Shiro preventing the recruitment a new Paladin.

Ultimately, Keith takes up the mantle of the Black Lion, Lance moves to Red, and Allura gets Blue. The group is clumsy and outmatched by Lotor and his generals who are definitely Up to Something. Keith tries to play leader and it's a bad look when he's making decisions via grief escapism. The team gets briefly trapped on a foggy wifi-less planet, discovers a bizarro alt-reality where Alteans rule the universe and Shiro is Swedish and doesn't mind Slav, and trails after Lotor and Co who have made off with the reality-breaking comet from Svavland.

Meanwhile Shiro escapes the Galra again, catches up with Voltron, shares a couple lowlit intimate moments with Keith while also awkwardly undermining his authority and jeopardizing the safety of the team, but no one suspects a thing.

Oh and there's a flashback episode about the OG paladins that I'll be honest I skipped since it turns out literally nothing that happened in the past is relevant to the present day and our only major revelations are that we (and Haggar) learn that she was once Honerva, Zarkon her husband was once kinda adorable, and turning evil swaps out your voice actor. Oh and Honerva had a cat who may or may not be as old as Haggar and potentially still kicking around.

Let's talk about season 3.

There's good and bad to be had with this season. Originally when I began my rewatch of the show I wanted to do it as though I were watching the season for the first time. Season 1 and 2 made that astonishingly easy; of all the seasons they seem the most confident about what the show is and what it's going for. Season 1 is for the mild setup and world building, season 2 is for the character building, relationship building, lion building, and problem resolving. Season 2 is arguably the show's strongest season overall so it's a tough act to follow. Season 3... makes an effort.

The good of this season is really good. Keith's grief over losing Shiro surprised and moved me the first time I saw the season and I was impressed with how long they held onto it given the show's habit of moving on pretty quick. Keith's grief holds the team back and endangers it; his early insistence on going after Lotor felt like a way to channel his anguish and maybe get a little revenge for his loss. Keith got one of his most significant character boosts in season 2, and following it through in this season sets up a complicated Keith that we will see for seasons to come.

The other good is Lotor. Lotor is handsome and charismatic and devastatingly cunning and is a polar opposite to his Saturday-morning-cartoon-villain dad. Zarkon was threatening, but Lotor is INTERESTING and his "wait and see" approach makes us the audience want to wait and see what he's up to. His band of generals are intriguing and colorful and I love the variation of their designs and personalities.

And of course, we can't talk about the good stuff in season 3 without discussing Shiro and Keith's relationship. Season 2 gave us some really fantastic growth and moments and entire episodes between them, but Season 3 brought a new level of intimacy that definitely bumped it up a notch. From the slow-moving reunion and closeups of only Shiro and Keith's faces, to their quiet moments alone in dimly lit rooms. This season gave us "as many times as it takes", which remains one of the most beautiful little exchanges between the pair in the whole series. The jury is still out on whether or not Sheith was a hopeful intention by the creatives on this show or just an incredibly happy accident, but looking at some of the decisions made in 3x05 and 3x06 especially lean more to the former. These scenes are more bittersweet now knowing how it all ends up.

There is a lot of setup for future things in general, and this is where it becomes difficult to separate what is in s3 with what will be by the end of s6 (and beyond) because some things we just can't unknow. It was really interesting to see how things that made me very hyped after this season now take on a bit of a disappointing and even bitter flavor because some roads really don't go anywhere. Lotor's mysterious plans for instance, only seem to get more mysterious, as do his allegiances. He spends most of this season clearly toying with the Paladins, clearly prepared to destroy them or let them destroy themselves, but later he sides with them and the Paladins seem pretty quick to forgive this and assume he's a good guy now. Lotor's "side" is never clearly established since his goals never are. The Lotor in s3 is interesting by virtue of the assumption that we will eventually learn all his secrets. But we never do, and that definitely for me taints him as a character.

Speaking of some mixed character motivations, s4 reveals that Narti was either a spy for Haggar the whole time or that Kova was, or both, and yet in season 3 Haggar sends a goon off to spy on Lotor. Even in Haggar's private moments she seems unsure of what Lotor is up to so this later reveal that she was aware the whole time is an odd one and still left very vague.

Similarly, major problems arise with Shiro in s3 but only via the hindsight of s4-6. Everything about the way Shiro is brought back into the fold in season 3 is highly suspicious. From a narrative standpoint I want to say it begins with Sven as foreshadowing, an alternate-reality Shiro who looks JUST LIKE SHIRO but is NOT SHIRO. Unfortunately I think this was less of an audience wink and more of an excuse to nod to the original Sven. But Shiro's Journey opens with scientists doing tests on him, Shiro's pupils dilating to the sound of camera lens adjustments, and Shiro literally seeing a dead-eyed copy of himself on a slab. The words "Operation Kuron" are repeated at least three times as the Galra let him escape. When Shiro meets the two aliens on the ice planet and they accuse him of being a traitor, Shiro protests, "I'm not a--" and never finishes. He does pilot logs into a Galra Cruiser as he tails Voltron. And that's just in one episode.

The next episode has him repeatedly undermining Keith's newfound leadership position (a position Shiro repeatedly encouraged Keith into in s1/2 to Keith's great reluctance), to the point of talking over him and shouting at him. He dismisses the safety of the team for the sake of the mission; something that goes expressly against the team Voltron way of doing things (Kolivan details this in s4) and is completely against Shiro's nature. It felt manipulative to me the first time and it still feels off when at the end of this he privately tells Keith "I'm sorry I had to step in back there", referring to Keith's failure (which was not a failure) and then in the next breath "you're good at this." This was the topic of many a heated debate when the episode came out but from my end there is just no way to see that the man presented here is Shiro and not an insidious clone.

There's a term for this that I forget where the storyteller essentially gaslights the audience for no real reason. Ultimately we will come to know that this is Shiro. A little more short-tempered but ultimately a good boy and not the potentially fully aware evil clone that season 3 hints at. It's bad writing; and the reason that it's bad writing is that the audience is privy to very little more than the characters are when it comes to Kuron and yet the characters are not in the slightest bit suspicious about the behaviour that we the audience sees as suspect. We end up gaslighting ourselves because of bad writing, only to learn that we were right the whole time. And genuinely, speaking as someone who loves all Shiros dearly, Kuron is a whole walking writing disaster. But more on that as we get further into the season.

I don't love the episode, but the Comet episode is a surprisingly adult-oriented one and presents an interesting flip to things and an intriguing hypothesis that I wish had been explored better, or longer, or something. As I've said 100x before, Galra aren't an inherently evil race; they're the result of a 10,000 yr universe takeover. This episode suggests that Alteans are no better, and the broader implications of this are massive and should have offered a much bigger fundamental shift in the characters and the way they viewed this war. In particular Allura, who previously immediately turned against Keith the moment his heritage was revealed, despite having become good friends with him. Her learning that her own people aren't immune to "absolute power corrupts absolutely" is a moment that is not given any real weight or consequence . This is a letdown especially since this potentially weightier-themed episode was self-aware enough of that weight to be the only episode outside of the Voldemort season to show imagery maybe a little too old for its younger audience (the repeated shot of the mummified Altean scientist).

From a production standpoint I noticed a lot of little things. There were a number of hookup issues; some hilariously drawn bg characters, some compositing that worked and some that decidedly didn't. Some of the editing was a little rough in places and some of the timing of things felt very off. There were some jokes that ran long and didn't land and threw the pacing off or stole time from other things. The editing on the Comet episode was particularly off and the characters were visually difficult to track at times. Also, there is definitely a different/longer version of the "As many times as it takes" scene even if it only exists in script or maybe board form. All of the Shiros in that scene were drawn by Ryu, who was often tapped for revisions (particularly for Shiro and Lotor). But the Keith in that scene is not a Ryu Keith; and Keith's "Well--" in "If you're feeling up to it" sounds like two lines spliced together. Ryu's fingerprints are all over 3x06 in interesting places; I definitely spotted his artwork in at least one shot of the Galra post leader and I think a Zethrid. He drew a few of the short haired Shiros as well. I think this episode underwent a number of changes; I remember too that Lance exclaiming "you're looking better" was originally Keith's line. At the same time we get little nice superfluous animations like the foreground gecko. Just a lot of inconsistencies.

Overall it's still an alright season but knowing what's coming means I just don't love this season the way I used to. The little moments that rock still rock but a lot of plot pawns were pushed forward that were ultimately just discarded. I can't wait to see if finishing the next 3 seasons will retroactively bump this season back up to where it once was in my heart.

#voltron #vld #vld rewatch

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kae-karo · 5 years

Note

Hi Katie! I just want you to know that I want your analysis of this new sims video more than anything and I'll just patiently wait for it... Have a nice day!

hi dear!! new sims vid, did u mean dnp simulator?

dorks spending the first ten seconds dancing in fake snow

why virtual friends???? ??

my daddies gave to me y’all,,,,,,there’s knowing your branding and then there’s acting on that knowledge and i think this may have been one time where acting on your knowledge maybe was not a good call like ily and u do u and all but

i love phil loving his branding it’s cute also shoutout to @dnpscloset thanks for finding it (x) bc i want one now if anyone needs a last minute xmas idea i’m lookin at u mom u always wait til the last minute

same dan, same

‘we all have new faces and new lives and everything’s changed, this is gonna be hella dramatic’ *inhale* *exhale*

‘when u imagine the howlter family’ god they’re such adorable n sentimental nerds i love them

phil’s actual default is bein a leany boye

dnp arguing about what ‘desperate’ actually is as if the entirety of their first year after meeting they weren’t talking as often as they could five hour skype calls amirite

get away from me stalker lmao bold of u to say that danny

phil sweetie i love you with my entire heart he’s so so excited abt the virtual snow i love him

tiny zoom in jumpcut at 2:08 overlapping audio interesting

a mood and a half

phil immediately going ‘yeahhhhh thin walls family hearing things they gotta get out’ abt dab and evan like m8 we get it all u think abt is sex we get it god u and ur husband really are made for each other aren’t u (dnp = devan reference #1)

‘i presume evan is also jobless’ ‘i hope so!’ phil is it really,,,,,,smth to be excited about,,,,,,,

dan’s doin a lot of the hand phone lately u cute boy

we should have a redbull what is wrong with them phil can barely handle having too much sugar y’all thought it was a good idea to have a redbull also we should have a redbull they share literally everything which tbh is probs for the best lbr phil on a whole can of redbull hmmmmm yes ik it’s v possible and in fact probable that phil had his own can let me live

‘it’s a sensible lightweight jacket’ in the fucking snow wow dan u really did just set urself up for phil to drag u about not dressing for the weather

dan’s fucking laugh at 4:39 gives me life literally there is no purer and more adorable sound like that’s up there with kittens purring

‘i think he’s gonna be a bit of a diva in this relationship’ did you mean: dan howell (dnp = devan reference #2)

[slight bit of ankle is showing] dan: ‘and now you’re wearing shorts’

where’s the lie tho honestly that lil pause before he said mate

this clip will live in infamy bc i want this in every fucking phan edit for the rest of time like i can’t even think of the right out-of-context clip right now but anything that can be answered with phil saying ‘it’s dan’ i need it

youtube

mandatory phil covering his mouth and bein a cutie

yes destroy gender roles in the snow universe (although seriously dan’s ‘life is just about uncon-doing the horrible conditioning of all these gender stereotypes, phil’ is so important also i stan phil recognizing that before dan i think it’s really easy to forget that just bc up til recently he’s not been as expressive as dan of his opinions on how stupid gender roles are doesn’t mean he doesn’t have just as if not more progressive a mindset than dan)

‘it’s like a dan vs phil’ dnp = devan #3

dan has such a lovely singing voice i miss him singing

dude phil’s eyebrows are making a Solid appearance v expressive

i s2g this is a different moment from the one above he’s just so fricken cute???

‘but they’ve got each other’s backs, phil, just like dab and evan’ yeeeeaaaa i’m gonna go ahead and go with dnp = devan reference #4 here i think that’s fair

snow angels are the least fun thing to do and yet (x - it literally won’t let me put it in bc it’s a privated vid rip)

amazing they just started having a snowball fight how cute n domestic am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan hmmmm - dnp = devan #5

i get that infinity war was a meme but lads it’s time to let it go

‘and they’re called the howlters’ lmao as if u ain’t an honorary lester daniel (dnp = devan #6)

i’m living for phil’s excitement i mean if that’s what redbull does to him i’m here for it i guess?

hi they’re dumb this was cute

‘we don’t want to be those people, but for us personally, we very much found that you just need to just move into a big city of some kind and just jump into life with both feet’ this is not only adorable advice but also where dnp simulator comes into play aka we did this so uhh dab n evan should do it (dnp = devan #7) also dan speaking for them both singular pronouns are quaking

‘don’t trust that’ what on earth are u on abt phil what don’t u trust the fuckin desert or?????

scalyburg phil stop pls we know we get it dan’s a furry ur a scaly we got it

why does dan spend an entire 7 seconds (8:40) adjusting is he moving closer to phil? switching which leg he’s sat on? idk but it lead to me pausing at this moment which was a gift in and of itself

‘the deposit on that one, plus the weekly went would make us instantly broke, so that’s fun, us when we moved to london’ bih do u hear me crying

does dan remember phil’s first manchester apartment what kind of question is that phil have u met dan he probably remembers every bloody inch of that place i mean he did remember that there wasn’t a bedside table so

stop that

middle of the city, romance festival, geekcon, pretty views and cherry blossom trees sounds like dnp’s ideal location do u get why i’m calling it dnp simulator yet also dnp = devan #8

we don’t want to move next to the karaoke legends wow dan bold of u to say after belting helena at 2am real bold

phil having flashbacks to the apt they toured where they found out people died there

hi phil just looks so excited by everything

look i’m not saying anything except they’re managing to find a lot of similarities b.w their lives and what they’re doing for dab and evan okay like this apartment is great for people-watching? which is what phil did in his manchester apt?

context whomst? idk her

shoutout to the wardrobe

big bold life-changing steps

anon spitting truth up in this house (but like,,,,,my thoughts exactly lmao i was like they’re such introverts they would’ve avoided meeting their neighbors at any cost including apparently smacking into a locked door trying to avoid small talk phil we love u bab)

casually mentioning dan saying ‘we are dil-’ was he gonna say dil’s son, maybe but i like to remember the bloops of dan repeatedly calling dab dil so ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

omg okay so from like. this point on, when dan’s like ‘here is my vision’, i’m absolutely getting queer eye vibes like amateur queer eye tho like two gay nerds trying to embody queer eye in their lives a bit oh wait

okay okay okay dan u said an ensuite bathroom and then failed to add a door to the bedroom do u understand how frustrating that is???????? do u understand how stressful it was for me to watch that whole damn vid and know that u forgot the door????

a space for hobbies what hobbies who has hobbies

they learned nothing from building their house before: phil should take the mouse away from dan immediately look at him he is such a sugar baby in this jfc

god dan is so cute get these idiots a penthouse apartment super high up so he can have his bath next to a window okay he deserves that in life

stop it they’re literally agreeing on almost every single thing god they literally share a single brain

amazing

leany boye

‘they are young adults moving into their first apartment, you don’t have art!’ okay first of all don’t even go there daniel second of all i’m sorry you’re the one arguing for spending literally all their money but u don’t want to get some art bc it’s unrealistic????

dan saying lovely

phil’s mr carpet

navy??? navy? when did they? why?

i would get involved in a criminal plot to have that / i’m gonna throw you out of one

wow pro tips makin a comeback

phil is Losing Steam

oh my god okay so i was joking but literally phil is losing steam lmao 18:35 he says ‘ayy’ and it’s so tired-sounding

leany leany boyes

okay look ik dan’s going into ‘aww poor philly’ mode but also he knew that very quickly like honestly that’s not a Thing i would ever notice about someone tbh i’m not saying it’s like Significant but damn danny was really into phil to know that shiz man

the high-fashion gigantic rug of our dreams

okay look i can’t make this up phil literally leans away for a bit and then

hello daniel’s Curl

i stan phil getting excited over plants

dab and evan will be having a mario kart fest will they (dnp = devan #9)

mirroringggggggg

dude big mood god they’re so fond and full of memories

honestly dnp made it that way like u cannot convince me they didn’t purposely decide to do that mmkay

‘see they are ready to have their romantic dinners. and then they can pretend they have another friend and it’s fine!’ am i talking abt dnp or dab and evan who knows :) (dnp = devan #10)

cold in the middle what on earth i literally have no memory of that i mean it could just be my shit memory but jfc they just remember that stuff goddamn

scrunchy boyes also phil where’s ur arm at hm

like i’m not fuckin joking where is it

you can’t exist without a computer i mean

what is important in life / the internet

they don’t even have fucking doors and dan’s like ‘uhm they need a terrarium’ dan i’m stressed

oh my god i’m sorry phil is so done with this now it’s actually comical

hi they didn’t add a door for the ensuite

give dnp an interior design series honestly give them any series

phil reached for dan’s hand u cannot convince me otherwise

‘not my personal taste’ really,,,,,really

when dab n evan hug dan looks at the screen n phil looks at the camera things u didn’t need to know but now u do

lmao jumpscared by the kiss

‘i feel like i’ve never nailed anything more in my entire life’ hmmmm hmmmmmmmmmm hm

the fuck was dan’s ‘getting a job’ that’s his fnaf voice u stop that

doon doon doon doon

tongue

hi uhm what the Fuck was that jumpcut at 28:30 i hate Obvious Jumpcuts with a burning passion specifically bc of dnp

#dnp #dan and phil #dapg #phan #danandphilgames #sims #devan #vid analysis #anon #ask #kt

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thankyoufinnick · 7 years

Text

I was looking back at an old review of Mockingjay from a friend of mine who’s a trauma therapist. It was very influential on me, in that I took literally her advice to not read Mockingjay and to write an AU conclusion to the trilogy instead. I had finished Mags’ Weapon and was over 100,000 words into Mags’ War before I let myself read or watch Mockingjay or be spoiled.

I swear no one will ever believe the things I came up with myself that happened to be canonical. DAMMIT.

Anyway. I was reading this part, where she says

I was bored by the PTSD in this book. It felt very textbook, especially as everyone had the exact same symptoms. It was like "flashbacks, check; nightmares, check; jumpiness, check; loss of concentration, check; total despair, check." It wasn’t that it was wrong, it’s that neither people nor mental illnesses are cookie-cut-outs.

And of course I went, OMG, my characters have all those! Idk why, I *know* I went to a lot of trouble to decide who has what when and why. But of course I had a momentary freakout. Sigh. But it’s all good, because it gave me an excuse to think about which characters have which symptoms and why.

Jumpiness

I wrote extensively about Finnick and Annie’s jumpiness in another post. I’ll just add that Cashmere is *not* jumpy, for reasons discussed at the end of that post. Cashmere likes physical danger, she knows how to handle it. She doesn’t want to die, in fact her survival instincts are quite strong. But loud noises do not set her off.

By no coincidence, I didn’t even *write* her first Hunger Games. You just a few sentence of watching the recap with her during her Flickerman interview afterward, and it’s a bit of a blur. She had way, way more traumatic things happen to her, like, her entire life up to that point, and her entire life after her Victory Ball up until the AU divergence in Mags’ War. (She gets about six good months to enjoy her victory before Snow breaks out the forced prostitution.)

It’s also worth mentioning that Annie’s jumpiness dies down with time, especially with treatment, and Finnick’s with time, especially as exhaustion and depression start to replace hypervigilance.

Nightmares

Cashmere also does not have nightmares. She has dreams, of course, but a nightmare to her is going to be dreaming her brother’s alive, and then waking up and finding that he’s not.

Finnick originally didn’t have nightmares, then I reread a bit of canon where he has nightmares. Okay, fine, I’ll give him nightmares, but VERY FEW, and not the same kind Annie has.

Annie has nightmares about being hunted, killed, tortured, tormented, etc.

Finnick has equally violent dreams, but they aren’t *distressing*. He’s a lot more comfortable with violence than Annie. (This comes straight out of me and my partner: I have way more frequent and intense violent dreams*, but mine don’t bother me, and hers bother her a lot, like for the whole rest of the day. She also has anxiety disorders; I don’t.)

* Given the things I read, write, watch, and imagine, I wonder why, lol.

So as Finnick gets older and starts to care about people and develop a sense of responsibility, he gets a few nightmares about bad things happening to people he cares about. And when he wakes up from them, he won’t be able to go back to sleep. But he has insomnia anyway, so that’s nothing new. As he puts it, sleeping isn’t nearly as much of a problem for him as not sleeping.

Flashbacks

Annie’s the one with super strong flashbacks. She’s the one who was traumatized for a very brief period of time, and she can’t stop reliving the events. She’s the one who when the smoke alarm goes off, *knows* she’s in her kitchen but *feels* exactly like she’s in her arena, and has to go hide in the closet while she relives watching her district partner being beheaded and hiding from the Career pack until the earthquake and the flood. She always knows where she is, but it barely even matters.

Finnick, for a while after his two Hunger Games, gets fairly low-level flashbacks from triggers. Rain after the first one, because the thing that got him in his first arena was acid rain, and fog (I just realized the fog trigger line went away as part of a major delete! Note to self to work it back in somewhere else.) after his second one, because of the poison fog. Mags :( <3. But they wear off, and aside from grieving Mags, they don’t bother him *that* much.

If I ever write the sequel to Mags’ Heir, there’s one scene where a smell that reminds him of one of his patrons sets him on edge, but he doesn’t know why. And for very specific reasons: his MO was to power through and deny that he had any problem with it. Only after someone else figures out that the smell set him off, does he realize he was gritting his teeth and powering through an otherwise comfortable and enjoyable evening with family.

The only event flashbacks Cashmere gets are when she sees Katniss. Other than that, her traumas were more along the lines of “my entire abusive childhood” than “the one discrete bad thing that happened to me.” So certain interpersonal interactions trigger extremely strong emotions in her, like fear of disappointing authority figures, that make her feel like she’s five years old again, but not specific events. (She never disappointed them or got punished in any major way. She just had no security and lived her entire childhood in fear of disappointing her caretakers.)

Johanna gets a couple quick flashbacks, one when she’s telling someone about a traumatic event, and her body unconsciously adopts the same posture, and one where she feels like she’s switching back and forth between the present and the past for just a few seconds.

Loss of concentration

Finnick has zero loss of concentration. Funny, because he spends half of Mockingjay unable to concentrate. But that does not strike me as a problem he has (quite the opposite).

Oh, wait, no, it happens once in the shower. He’s definitely under stress, and it strikes him as unusual, but it’s no more than what happens to most of us non-pathologically: you’re so deep in thought that you lose track of what you did in the last 5 minutes, and you can’t remember whether you’ve washed your hair yet or not. It bothers him so much, because concentration is so critical to his success as soldier and as spy, and he’s under so much pressure. Similarly, you’ll also see him, at the very end of Mags’ Heir, lose track of what day of the week it is (like you do), and come down very hard on himself, when the truth is, this means the pressure on him has finally let up and he’s gotten used to not everything being life or death, and it was a *healthy* thing to do.

Johanna gets it only as a side effect of medication or sleep deprivation caused by chronic pain, not as a PTSD symptom in and of itself.

Annie and Cashmere both get it, for different reasons. (And here’s where I especially feel like I didn’t just go through a checklist, but their symptoms actually emerge from their personalities and experiences.)

Annie gets distracted easily because she’s constantly straining her ears for something bad to happen, someone to attack, an earthquake to strike, anything. Every little sound sets her on edge. Sometimes this means she loses her concentration.

Cashmere’s more or less fine with the prospect of physical danger. Where she zones out is when people are talking. She has to read their body language and their tone of voice and try to figure out what they want to hear so she can not disappoint them. Sometimes this comes at the expense of being able to hear *what* they’re saying. This, of course, reinforces her belief that she’s stupid and can’t handle the simplest non-scripted social situation.

Total despair

I don’t know if anyone gets *total* despair. You get depression, negative thinking, catastrophic thinking, self-flagellation, pessimism...but this universe is just not as bleak as Mockingjay. (Considering all the bad things that happen, my partner teases me about torturing my characters, and I’m always like, “No, this is my kinder, gentler AU! It’s way worse in canon!”).

Cashmere in the Quarter Quell, maybe.

Even Finnick at his most clinically depressed may have a very warped worldview around *himself* stemming from his endless self-sacrifice (trying to avoid too many Mags’ War and Mags’ Heir spoilers here), but he retains the ability to be satisfied that he accomplished something good for other people.

Annie right after her first Hunger Games is in pretty bad shape, but her problem is primarily anxiety, with depression secondary to it. She’s scared to death, but she’s fighting to get better because she believes it can get better.

So I actually think most of the characters’ symptoms come from an interaction of their innate personalities, their childhoods, their traumas, and their lives after the trauma, and not just “PTSD causes these symptoms.”

Johanna’s the one whose personality I have the weakest grip on. She’s also the reason this fic has taken so long to write--I have such a hard time figuring out what she thinks, feels, and does. I finally got something together that I think I can post, but I’m least confident that she makes any kind of coherent sense. Oh well.

#hunger games #rape tw #ptsd #trauma #violence #psychology #writing

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