#this week it was about bureaucracy and so I asked if people think bureaucracy is the best way to structure the government
Text
Government waste is excellent. Unlike my moron neighbours, who complain about how much their taxes are, and how they wish that we could get rid of every government service except roads and cops, I know better. The government provides all kinds of amazing and useful services that nobody ever thinks about, much less appreciates. And I'm not just saying that because I got a cheap hovercraft from the auction.
Sure, there was a bit of a kerfluffle after I won it for $53. For instance, fifty-three dollars Canadian is a lot of money. It took me awhile to transfer it all to them, in the form of rolls of nickels shoved into an envelope marked "to the government." And then there was the classic bureaucracy, trying to figure out if it was even legal to sell a hovercraft to me. This argument went on for weeks, which only intensified my ardour for the utility vehicle. One of the government workers didn't pay attention to who they were cc'ing the email to, and ended up accidentally calling me a "greasy skid" to their boss in a way that I could see, which I think helped me (and my attorney) secure the final bill of sale.
So: now I had a hovercraft. They even delivered it. A childhood dream was finally satisfied. What did I do with an ex-military hovercraft, you ask? I drove that shit to work. In the winter, you often have to wait in traffic for a long time as everyone takes their turn polishing the ice with their not-really-all-wheel-drive all-wheel-drive SUVs on bald, financed not-really-all-season all-season tires. Hovercrafts are not cars, in the view of my province's Implements of Husbandry Act (it is a disappointment that the good people of 1906 did not predict them,) and so I can go wherever the fuck I want. Say, through public parks.
Winter driving has never been more fun when you're insulated from the ground by a glorious cushion of air. Ice is less precarious, because you're constantly sliding out of control at all times. And if you slam into a tree, or country club building, or herd of deer, you just bounce harmlessly off. Really, the only thing I really have to complain about is that I can't do a burnout. Also, the howling Rolls-Royce jet turbines behind it that I swapped in because I got tired of the original thrust fans. Keeps my hands warm.
1K notes
·
View notes
Text
Journey to Ba Sing Se, Part 1: The Serpent's Pass
Alternate title: Gimme Appa Back, Take Two.
Bit of a mouthful for a title. I will definitely be watching this apparent two parter as two single episodes. There's commentary too, but that'll wait for a rewatch.
The previously on segment seems to point to Suki making an appearance. I didn't like her in her original episode, so this bodes ill.
That was incredibly ominous title card music.
Explain this to someone who's never seen the show. Also, air mattress made of ice is a very efficient way to get hypothermia.
Sokka saying "no more distractions' actually summoned a distraction. He should look into harnessing that power.
This brings up a point I've been thinking about. So the Earth Kingdom are smart enough to house refugee transportation underground, presumably because they've figured out that fire can't dig. So why didn't the entire population of the Earth Kingdom just become mole people at the first sign of fire nation attack?
Get yourself Iroh's brand of chill. It's dearly bought in his case, but he has such a good way of looking at life. Also, half of Zuko's face is like an inch higher than the other half, and that haircut is not doing him any favours.
Oh god it's fuckboy. I'd take a million Sukis over fuckboy. Nice to see that the majority of his posse seems to have come to their senses and deserted him though.
CABBAGE GUY!!! HI CABBAGE GUY!!! I MISSED YOU!!!
She's got a point about destruction of the ecosystem, but unless there was woodworm in that cart, that platypus bear is guilty of needless destruction of cabbage guy's possessions.
I loved this. The double punch of getting stymied by bureaucracy and undermined by cosplayers. There are some wacky ideas in this episode.
Aang! You may have lost Appa but you still have your glider! You don't need a passport or a ticket! Just fly to Ba Sing Se and make puppy dog eyes at the Earth King to make him send a boat to collect your friends!
You know that part in Harry Potter where Ron and Harry miss the train and decide the only logical course of action is to steal a flying car rather than, I don't know, wait for a responsible adult? I have a feeling this show is going to do the same type of thing with the whole Serpent's Pass. And I have to say, it's a brilliantly accurate way to do a plot that involves pre-teens, because they will often reach for the most out-there, illogical course of action no matter their intelligence. Curse those still-developing neural pathways. It also makes perfect sense in a kids' show, where the audience mostly wouldn't be caught dead turning down an adventure in favour of asking a responsible party (or a bureaucracy) for help.
"It is your pleasure" Get wrecked bitch!
I love seeing Toph weaponise that which previously kept her caged. I love to see Toph winning at life. Actually, I love to see Toph.
Get yourself some friends who'll commit to the bit no questions asked like these guys.
Get yourself a man who says your name the way Sokka says SUKI!!!:D
Get yourself a girl who's so into you, she'll flirt with you in front of your entire found family.
Momo knows what's up. He's a good judge of character.
It's rare for me to advocate for criminal behaviour on this show, but after that bureaucracy lady denied them any sort of solution for the refugees who got their tickets stolen, I was kind of hoping that Katara would just say 'fuck it' and steal one of those ferries. Or even smuggle people on to them. They've got two waterbenders; they could make ice boats to take them out to the ferry, or even across the whole lake presumably. Plot dictates they go face this serpent thing, because this appears to be a monster of the week episode, but boy did that ferry lady need smacking.
Sokka's acting funky.
Is corniness one of the side effects of pregnancy?
No one in their right minds thinks that a pass called "the SERPENT'S Pass" in a universe like this one is named for its aesthetic qualities. Nice try at misdirection, but there will be a Sneky Boy in that water.
Aang's kind of right about the whole 'hope is a distraction' thing. Hope can too easily go from fuel to crutch.
It didn't occur to anyone to hide from the Fire Nation ship until it passed?
Toph's just saving everyone's bacon today huh?
Am I sensing some post-Yue trauma?
I would love to know the context behind Zuko knowing this very niche skill.
Jet has this fascinating ability to do objectively good deeds in such a sleezy way that you end up siding with the greedy oppressors. Weird.
This makes so much sense. Aang zipped into the Avatar State so hard and fast in the desert that he probably scared himself, so now he's keeping a lid on things so hard that he's scaring everyone else with his newfound apathy. He's 12, and this episode he feels 12. This is probably the first time he's met emotions this big; of course he doesn't quite know what to do with them.
You know, Katara doesn't get paid enough to put up with this.
Suki. Honey. I'm pretty sure there's a girl code about not flirting with a guy in front of his ex.
Has Suki been filled in on the whole moon thing? Or is she just really confused right now?
You know, Smellerbee is just as unusual a name for a girl.
Jet talks the talk, but I don't believe he'll be able to walk the walk, despite second chances being one of the big themes of this show. Something about him still feels off.
Hope you guys can swim!
Katara to the rescue again. I'm liking this new level-headed action-oriented Katara that appeared in The Desert, and I'm glad she wasn't just a one-episode character.
Momo here fulfilling one of my childhood dreams. There was an aquarium room at my local zoo that had a tunnel you could walk through. Seven year old me would have sold my soul to be able to glorp through the glass and swim with the fishes like this.
Once again, Toph saves the day. She's doing a lot of heavy lifting this episode.
Big Sneky Boy has the colour palette of an exercise video from the 80s aerobics phase. Kind of detracts from the terror when he's wearing a leotard.
Number one sign of irresponsible pet ownership: sacrificing your lemur to Cthulhu.
Aang just bitchslapped Big Sneky Boy.
Why didn't they go with a big ice bridge in the first place?
Yeah that's a problem. Could she make rock skate blades and attach them to her feet maybe? Would that help her see?
Guys. Just. Send someone out there for her. The ice doesn't have handrails. Come on.
Suki can swim in like half a tonne of armour. I bet they have swimming with armour on drills on Kyoshi Island.
"You can go ahead and let me drown now." That is EXACTLY my sense of humour.
Unlike goldfish, Big Sneky Boys can be flushed down the toilet.
"Now it's nothing but smooth sailing to Ba Sing Se."
*Something immediately goes wrong*
Has Sokka thought about harnessing his ability to speak things into existence?
Tragically, it makes perfect sense that Katara knows exactly how to deliver real human things.
"You know, as soon as I saw your scar I knew exactly who you were." Jet's little speech here got the biggest laugh out of me yet. I had to pause so I wouldn't miss dialogue. He's so deliciously wrong.
This episode's Beat Up Sokka quota is fulfilled by a baby that has yet to be born.
"I want our daughter's name to be unique" TAKE COVER FOLKS! UNNECESSARY VOWELS INCOMING!
Didn't you guys just nearly get killled by a pass that told you to abandon Hope? Are you sure about that name?
Ok it isn't pregnancy that makes you corny. It's being a character in this episode. While I'm glad to see the back of Stoic Aang, this is getting to be a bit on the cheesy side.
Hell yeah Katara deserves that cry. And that hug.
I'm watching this at my mom's house and I need to report that when Sokka said "You came along, to protect me?" my mom audibly went "awww!"
On a more serious note, this is exactly what Sokka needs after the Yue situation. A badass girlfriend who not only can and does take care of herself, but who also can and does take care of Sokka. Boy needs some pampering.
That is one hell of a wall.
That is one hell of a Big Sneky Boy.
"Appa's gonna have to wait" hit like a tonne of bricks. Another step in the journey to turn Aang from carefree monk to repsonsible Avatar. Appa having to wait is a genius story beat, but I want Appa NOW.
Final Thoughts
I had to check out my window for flying pigs before I started typing this section, because Zuko was consistently the most reasonable character in the B plot, perhaps in the whole episode. Apparently the 'make Zuko decent' project is finally seeing results. Have we turned over a new leaf? Dare I hope? It helps that he was juxtaposed with one of the single most batshit crazy characters from season one, but still.
I also need to issue a formal apology to Suki and all of her fans. I didn't like her in The Warriors of Kyoshi, and while I'm still not overly fond of that episode, I love what they've done with her character here. A good standalone character with her own strengths, goals, and responsibilities, and a good match for Sokka. I'd go so far as to say she's a better match for Sokka than Yue was, for all that both ladies have a startling amount in common: a position of responsibility, devotion to those who regard them as a leader, good taste in water tribe ass, etc.
I'm also going to hypothesise that Sokka is, in universe, the hottest member of the Gang. He's now had four girls expressing their interest: Suki, then Yue, then Azula's pokey pink friend whose name currently escapes me, and now Toph too! And she can't even see him, so his hotness is more than skin deep.
This episode was another stealth character episode in the style of The Blue Spirit. You think it's an action episode but it's actually character work with some fights for spice. It's got:
-payoff for Katara's new-found levelheadedness
-the other side of the coin on Aang's desert freakout
-Toph doing just ALL the heavy lifting in the absence of Appa (seriously, teach her to fly and you won't need Appa as anything but a friendly couch)
-Toph also getting an incredibly logical weakness that she learns she can rely on her friends to surmount
-Sokka getting some Yue resolution from a frankly ironic source -Zuko getting what I'm sure is going to turn into a dark mirror
Speaking of fuckboy, there was nothing in this episode that hinted that Jet's turn to good was anything but genuine, but something about him still really makes my teeth itch. So I'm calling it now: based not on any evidence, but entirely on my own feelings, Jet's turn to good isn't going to stick.
There was some corny stuff in this episode, but it's a kids' show. It gets way more allowance for corny than an adult show does. I'll let it slide, so long as it doesn't become a habit.
This was part one of a two part episode, but it certainly didn't feel that way. There was the Big Metal Sneky Boy plot hook at the very end, but other than that it was a self-contained story.
I had predicted last episode that the rest of season two would be spent getting to Ba Sing Se, and they did it in one episode. So I'd like to announce my retirement from predicting the future because I am not good at it. I have no idea where we're going beyond next episode. I guess I'll have fun finding out!
130 notes
·
View notes
Text
A Breakdown of My Thoughts On Good Omens S2
(That may or may not also be a meta about my predictions for the future interwoven in)
Hey All!
All right, I’ve officially watched Good Omens Season 2 twice, and am almost done my third time through, and I want to put out some thoughts before I start reading other people’s meta about S2 so that my initial thoughts aren’t influenced by those. I was GOING to post it to my GO blog @inevitably-ineffable-husbands first, but decided instead to make the initial post here since this is my largest audience (my GO blog is mostly a reblog blog, but it’s been pretty active the past week with people sending me asks there!).
During my second watch-through, I took some notes about stuff I wanted to expand upon. This got a bit messy, long, and disorganized so I tried to just clean up those notes so they’re more legible. I think I inevitably want to write separate meta about each section, especially after my next few rewatches (AND especially since I want to talk more about 3 or four Big Thoughts that I have about S3).
This meta turned out to be a lengthy essay-style meta with a few bits of point form and free thoughts, broken into sections for easier consumption, so I hope you will give it a read through. It’s longer than I intended (it’s about 5,000 words), so if you need to pause anywhere, I’ve conveniently broken it up into sections below the cut, which you can see the breakdown of here:
Before The Beginning
Crowley is A-Major-Angel Theory (or The Angel That Crowley Might Actually Have Been)
Maggie and Nina (Mirrors. It’s about mirrors)
The Ineffable Bureaucracy (MORE MIRRORS YAY I LOVE DYING!)
Crowley and Aziraphale (& Their Relationship Arc) (which includes my thoughts on THAT moment and why it was wrong)
The Metatron and Aziraphale’s Decision (I actually covered a large chunk of this on THIS POST so you can read just that if you want instead)
Other Things (That I Didn’t Know Where Else to Put)
Final Thoughts
Also, so it’s not hidden under the cut, here are the things I’m interested in expanding upon in the future, if you guys would like to read more. The first one is the only “for sure” one on my plate right now:
A Thought on AziraCrow from an A-Spec Perspective [REDUX]: An expansion on the above-linked meta I put out a week ago about their relationship arc and how I feel it’s being portrayed and what it means foor the future.
THAT Scene Small Thoughts: And its importance RIGHT NOW and why the confession will be so much more powerful in S3. Actually I think I MIGHT cover this in the AziraCrow meta, but I DO want to expand upon the scene anyway regardless.
And I don’t have many things to say as of finishing this meta, but I would like to put out my thoughts on why Aziraphale made That Choice. (EDIT: It would be an expansion on THIS POST which would include some points I made under the cut in the various sections, compiled together. I know I’ll have more thoughts as the weeks move on and as I understand the scene more and more).
Anyway, I hope you enjoy what I’ve written! The next meta I’d like to tackle is the Relationship Redux meta, provided that the asks I got in my inbox aren’t going to take up too much of my time.
Feel free to add your thoughts in the reblogs and replies as usual! I welcome other opinions and thoughts, and I will try my best to keep all the threads together. This blog is and will always remain a community project! :)
PLEASE be advised, in that case, that Spoilers WILL BE in the notes, and OBVIOUSLY there are spoilers below the cut for the entire season! Cheers, and thank you! Enjoy!
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
BEFORE THE BEGINNING
I have running theory that’s kind of on strings right now, but I feel like Aziraphale feels responsible for Crowley’s Fall, that he feels he didn’t do enough to help prevent it, which may explain his actions in Episode 6.
Now, I’m not saying that the entire reason he spends so much time with Crowley is because of some underlying guilt, NOT AT ALL (just a small part of it), but more that he feels like he could have done more to dissuade Crowley from asking questions – It’s why he spends their entire lives trying to convince Crowley he is good! Aziraphale loved seeing an angel so happy with what they were doing, and his warnings were making Crowley unhappy. Instead, Aziraphale decided to compliment Crowley on his work to make him smile again. I think it’s absolutely something to note since this scene and the finale of E6 suspiciously bookend each other, meant to be compared and contrasted with each other.
When Azzie is presented with the opportunity to give Crowley back something he loved doing – being happy making galaxies – Aziraphale took it, because he knows how much Crowley struggles with his own sense of self.
Unfortunately, Azzie thinks Crowley’s inner turmoil is because of who he is and his status as a demon, not because Aziraphale is literally his whole raison d’être and why Crowley keeps coming back to him – he’s only ever truly happy being around Aziraphale.
Crowley, in turn, has become Azzie’s own reason for being, he just sadly hasn’t come to that conclusion yet at this point in the story. Aziraphale thinks that by being the Supreme Archangel, he will have the authority to make things RIGHT, not knowing the info that we as an audience have through Crowley that that is FAR from the truth. I’ll go more into it in my Metatron section below.
Basically I’m saying that this sequence at the beginning exists to show who Aziraphale is as a person, an angel who struggles with his OWN sense of self and his desire to do good and make people happy. Aziraphale is so consumed with believing that he can change things if only he has some control over a situation, then it can all be better; he fails to see that he already has everything he wants right in front of him. He doesn’t think he can TRULY be with Crowley safely unless something changes the status quo, and he naïvely thinks that taking the job is the best way to do so. I think next season we will see Aziraphale finally understand that he CAN’T be “free” until he accepts that he and Crowley ARE better as one.
Another note I wanted to make about this is just an aside commentary: Aziraphale ABSOLUTELY was smitten by Crowley. I suspect until he met Crowley, Aziraphale had never seen another angel be so joyous in his work. It intrigued Azzie and blossomed into something-unknown in him.
Azzie was smitten since before the beginning, and that he indeed pines for Crowley. He’s just terrified about what happens After if he were to do anything about it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROWLEY-IS-RAPHAEL THEORY (or another Top-Ranking Angel)
This is one of my favourite theories that circulates in the fandom, and I went into a bit of detail about this on this post here, but I want to expand more upon it briefly (hah).
I think this season further proved Crowley was A Big Angel™ before he Fell (not necessarily Raphael, but it IS the prominent theory about his identity). It’s a Big Point that I think they’ve been planting the seeds for in both seasons so that we as the audience can figure it out; maybe not exactly WHO Crowley was (the general audience wouldn’t know about the theory), more that Crowley was indeed a higher ranking angel than all of them. This could be a big reveal in S3 for the general audience, and will be the reward for the “easter eggs” that the fans picked up on.
Here are the clues that I have so far, both from the fandom theories for S1, and my own observations of S2... I have not read any meta yet as of writing this, so I probably missed some if people are talking about it:
Raphael is notably missing from the main Archangels. It’s very odd, because he was a prominent figure in a story about Abraham
When we first see Crowley in S2, we see him as the primary creator of the universe. That kind of task isn’t given to just any angel. We knew in S1 that Crowley created stars, just not the full story of it.
The only Top Angel who recognizes Crowley is Saraqael and we don’t find that out until Episode 6. They mention that the two worked together during the creation of a nebula. Saraqael is just as old as Crowley and was there Before the Beginning as well. Michael, Uriel, and Gabriel don’t recognize Crowley when they come down during Job’s trials, meaning that Crowley probably Fell before they came to be Top Level Angels.
“A throne, a dominion or ABOVE” is who Muriel said were the only angel classes that could open the file on Gabriel, and Crowley literally just opens it without issue. Crowley faffs it off as an old password (but even then, why would he HAVE an old password for a confidential file?) but I think it’s more true that he actually had and hasn’t lost the clearance he had as a higher order of angel. Muriel NEVER stated that an Archangel can open the file at ALL. BUT I think Gaiman’s Archangels are technically top of the chain so they possibly are able to open the files as well.
For shits and giggles, I actually looked into the orders of angels: Muriel’s listed angels are part of the top 4 levels of Angel rankings. Now, I know that the authors took creative liberty with Capital A-Archangels for story purposes, but it’s a very interesting thought, isn’t it? I wonder if Crowley was actually one of the first Supreme Archangels? Just something to nibble on until S3.
The INSANE power level of HALF of a bit of a small miracle from TWO people that can raise 25 dead people is very interesting thing to literally flash red in your face as if to say “THIS IS A REALLY IMPORTANT THING TO REMEMBER, DON’T FORGET IT”. Why? Why make this the catalyst of events in the series if it’s not important and won’t be brought up again? Was Crowley’s power the one that set off alarms in Heaven since his part was to hide Gabe from Heaven?
The writers have deliberately avoided giving us Crowley’s name in Before the Beginning. Crowley has a penchant for changing his name when he wants to distance himself from the past, and there’s a good chance he purposely threw away his Heavenly (dead) name to cast aside any memories of that former life. It’s not who he is anymore, nor who he wants to be ever again.
Crowley constantly references the problems with Heaven, stuff that Aziraphale seems to have no knowledge of.
Crowley has an uncanny sense of where Aziraphale is and what he’s up to at all times. Actually, he’s able to sense trouble from everyone regardless. NOW, this might be down to him just... being so smitten with Aziraphale that perhaps he’s purposely attuned his senses to him, but none of the other angels nor demons seem to be able to do this unless it’s with their own kind. Crowley seems to have it for everyone. This is an odd power for one “measly demon” to have.
I’m certain I’m missing a few other easter eggs here that were mentioned, but in the interim, I think these definitely the ones that are worth noting.
“One Character Split Into Two”
I’ve seen a theory that ties into the Angel Theory where Crowley and Aziraphale are actually two parts of the SAME angel, Raphael, and I only remembered it after I saw this quote from David and Michael’s interview:
“Well, now we’re playing one character that’s sort of split into two”
Interesting choice of words... Did one of them slip up here? I don’t think that this is the case, that it’s just me over-reading into an interview quote, but it is something I did came across in my readings of the Raphael Theory that I thought I should mention.
While trying to find a couple posts to link to for this theory, I came across this super interesting post regarding Aziraphale’s name meaning in Hebrew, and it does list ONE of the “unlikely” possibilities being that it means “Raphael is my strength”. While the author links this to be part of Crowley!Raphael theory, I kind of like it for the Duality Theory, where Crowley IS Azzie’s strength in the sense that he’s the Emotional Support Demon. Crowley IS kind and gentle and protective of Aziraphale. And Azzie, who gets his strength from Raphael Crowley, is the brains (or main single braincell carrier) of the operation.
Kind of like an overly-romantic version of soulmates, literally One Soul split into two people who are meant to find each other again and become whole.
Also, I go back to my point about their power being ASININE at less than half each. WHY IS THIS POSSIBLE? A theory: They are stronger than an Archangel’s miracle together, so it’s not absurd to speculate that it was stronger because it was finally at its full power with the SINGLE soul concocting the miracle.
Anyway, this Duality Theory is probably definitely not the case since we see them both Before the Beginning, BUT we can argue that the scene we saw was their first introduction after being split... Aziraphale just HAPPENS to zoom by, the only single angel in the area? Hmm.
I ALSO just want to say that perhaps when they body-swapped, that may have also activated dormant “together” powers within themselves? Just a little thought I had while writing this section.
Aziraphale is Raphael and Doesn’t Remember
And finally, there’s the theory that they will pull a Shyamalan and reveal that it’s Azzie that’s actually Raphael. I honestly think this is the least likely scenario, given that all the clues they’re putting in the show don’t at all point to this, other than the possible entomology of his name (I read somewhere that Gaiman initially was going to spell it Aziraphael to coincide with the naming conventions of the other Angels) could be a play on the Raphael name and it’s Aziraphale who’s actually the missing Raphael.
I don’t think it’s this at all, for the record. I just wanted to point it out since it is a theory that I’ve seen thrown around linked to the Raphael Theory.
Regardless of which theory it is, I just CANNOT get it out of my head at how often they kept bringing up elements of Crowley’s past, and I just.... mmmm. I know he’s more Important than he lets on. There’s just too many eggs dropped in this season for me to let it go without a bit of grumbling.
Or maybe I’m just looking too much into it. *shrugs* I can’t help it, reading between the lines is a hobby of mine I do so enjoy.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
MAGGIE AND NINA
UGH, I absolutely love character mirrors... I love seeing the parallels of characters and how they’re supposed to represent the protagonists in situations.
Regarding Maggie and Nina, upon rewatching the series, I see now that Nina is primarily Aziraphale’s mirror and Maggie is Crowley’s.
For Maggie, as an expansion on a drunken post during my liveblogging:
She’s smitten (”pathetically in love”) with someone just out of reach, hopelessly pining and watching from afar.
She’s STUPIDLY protective of and adores Mr. Fell and Nina.
She, like Crowley with Aziraphale, attempts to make Nina happy: She gives a record as a gift without thinking about the “after” (Crowley tends to do the same)
She’s stands up to the demons and for herself.
She’s “unloved and unloveable”, which Crowley believes himself to be
She’s the one who thought up the plans to get them out of trouble
For Nina:
Fussy and stuck in her ways
Doesn’t want to disappoint but can’t seem to do right by anyone
“we’re just friends, well, we hardly know each other” (which I believe is a line similar to one Aziraphale said in S1)
Afraid to start a new relationship for fear of not being good enough
Makes their love interest wait and hopes they’ll be there when the time is right (She will be)
Her relationship with Lindsay appears to me to be a parallel for Azzie’s relationship with Heaven, with them being "done” with Aziraphale for one too many indiscretions. Lindsay also accuses Nina of “cheating” which Aziraphale technically does with choosing Crowley over Heaven
Their inevitable NOT match-made is a gentle parallel to the painful NOT match-made by our heroes. There’s a bump in the road, and when they’re both ready, they’ll eventually get together.
Also, another thing I wanted to note here, is that Nina’s VERY heartfelt conversation with Crowley is super, SUPER important to AziraCrow’s arc, and I believe it is the catalyst to why Crowley made the decision to try to confess in Episode 6. Like, he genuinely looks like he’s re-evaluated a few things after Nina walks away. And because it was the Aziraphale mirror stating this, Crowley perhaps starts to get ideas in his head that maybe Azzie is ready to move forward, since “it certainly looks like [you’re a couple from the outside]”. Why not make it official then? Maybe Aziraphale IS just waiting for Crowley to make the move.
Food for thought.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE INEFFABLE BUREAUCRACY
I don’t have much to honestly say about this one, other than I am SHOCKED that it only took them 4 years to figure their shit out but our idiots still are at first base after 6000 years. Get your asses moving, idiots!
Seriously though, they’re the biggest pair of mirrors in the season, but funnily enough, I think Gabriel is Crowley’s, and Beez is Azzie’s.
Gabriel, like Crowley to Azzie, introduces human things to Beez.
Gabe questions Heaven and convinces Beez to question their side... essentially he “Falls” when the trial happens, abandoning Heaven.
Gabe throws everything away to be with Beez.
Beez is the one who learns from Gabe, just like Azzie learns from Crowley.
Beez compares themself to Aziraphale: “I imagine he took better care of you than I would have”.
Beez calling Gabe “you silly, silly angel”... Aziraphale called Crowley silly in the first half of the season.
And as an aside, just... the casual “I love you” from Gabe is like an unfiltered Crowley. Because I am certain Crowley will be the first to say it.
That’s just a super simplified version of it all, but just wanted to point it out so y’all can see where I’m coming from on why I think that.
And I REALLY BELIEVE that Aziraphale will repeat this or a similar line to Beez’s in S3:
“I just found something that mattered more to me than choosing sides.”
I think it will be the line before the climax of S3 that Aziraphale says when he finally rejects Heaven. Because that was a POWERFUL line, and it will solidify the mirrors and parallels that are all over this season. I feel like Heaven won’t suffer the same incident happening twice, so we might even finally get to see a ridiculously protective, vengeful angel Aziraphale, to rival all of Protective Crowley moments! WHAT a payoff that would be after two seasons of him just kind of sitting idly by not standing up for himself, eh?? GOD I want it.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
CROWLEY AND AZIRAPHALE (& THEIR RELATIONSHIP ARC)
I have just a few notes to immediately take away from S2, but I do plan on expanding more upon these thoughts in my Revision of my A Thought on AziraCrow from an A-Spec Perspective meta I wrote prior to S2.
In that meta I state very clearly how important their relationship and its portrayal is to me. I do concede that, because of this fact, I may be biased in my opinions about literally the entirety of S2′s relationship arc. I ADORE Aziraphale and I really see a lot of myself in him, and I can understand why he did what he did at the end, and why the “rejection” happened. But again, I will touch upon that with the revision meta.
Instead, I took some additional notes while I watched and rewatched S2 that I don’t think I can fit well into that meta without ham-fisting it in. I’ll try my best to break it into yummier sections so it’s not so messy.
Protective / Jealous Crowley (and his possible PTSD)
This point deserved its own little section, because it’s one of my favourite things this season. I love just how BLATANTLY PROTECTIVE and JEALOUS Crowley was, to the point of being near-murderous. I LOVE the confrontation scene with Gabriel so much, because it’s SO revealing to just how terrified Crowley is of Aziraphale being hurt and not being in Crowley’s life again.
I imagine he constantly replays the fire in his head: what if Crowley WASN’T there to save Aziraphale that time??? To step into fire for him??? He’s seen how bad No-Azzie would be with the Bookshop Fire, and I think he STILL believes that it was Hellfire that discorporated Azzie (not the accidental summoning circle). So imagine the psyche of a demon who is hopelessly in love with an angel, having to be face to face with the fire that he believes killed Azzie the first time and THEN have Azzie’s boss basically tell Crowley how little he thinks of Aziraphale? Ooof.
And I also will standby the fanon theory that it was Crowley who left all the fire extinguishers in the bookshop, and not Aziraphale. Bless Azzie, he knows that this is a “New Fear Unlocked” in Crowley and lets him do it to ease the anxiety.
And isn’t it funny that Crowley (aside from the 2 year lockdown) seems to have spent every waking moment keeping a steady eye on Aziraphale? He’s scared, which is why I think he might have some PTSD related to everything he’s seen that Aziraphale is blissfully unaware of.
Their Arc and The Kiss
It’s so clear to me now more than before that Aziraphale IS Crowley’s whole life, to the point of obsession. I think the final arc that Crowley has to go through before he can truly be with Aziraphale proper is learning to let Aziraphale also protect him, to loosen the stranglehold that his fear of loss has on him. That Crowley doesn’t have to shoulder everything by himself and be Aziraphale’s shadow. Because that’s what he is in S2 – a lot of scenes of them together in the modern day is Crowley trailing just slightly behind Azzie, always watching and waiting for trouble and being there for him.
I think Crowley has a genuine fear of loss of control similar to Aziraphale’s. Where Azzie’s is related to “well if I can do this thing then everything will be alright”, Crowley’s is “well if I can just keep Aziraphale safe, then everything will be alright” and that’s... not a good foundation for a relationship. Their Big Breakup had to happen for them to both realize this.
Aziraphale has NOT gone through his “lost my partner” arc like Crowley has with the bookshop fire. I go more into it in the Metatron section, but I think that Azzie’s arc will look more like Crowley being used as a leverage tool against Azzie by Heaven, and those seeds were planted in the final moments of E6. Perhaps something DOES happen when Crowley inevitably comes to his rescue, and he also “loses Crowley for good” (but we know that the totally-made-up-just-now law of parallels will bring him back, we hope).
They’re currently at the Miscommunication and Separation stage of their relationship. They’re both so scared of hurting each other that they DON’T communicate... they DON’T expose each other to “bad things” that they know and instead just focus on the good. The breakup had to happen the way it did for Aziraphale to finally Get A Clue – because I honestly don’t think he realized Crowley loved him until the kiss – and that Azzie himself wasn’t the only one with a crush on his best friend. It had to happen that way for Crowley to understand that his overprotectiveness and lying by omission only harms Aziraphale in the long run.
Listen, I think it’s possible that Azzie thinks that Crowley only did the kiss because he didn’t want Aziraphale to leave at that moment, just another “Crowley thing” that he would do. It was piss-poor timing that was at the tail end of too many emotions and anger, and it’s easy to see how Azzie could have interpreted the kiss wrong.
They both expressed wanting to be together, but misunderstandings will ensue because neither of them are good at communicating WHAT exactly "being together” entails. Crowley thinks Azzie means “working together side by side for a shitty company”. Aziraphale thinks Crowley means “just doing what we always do and having fun doing it”, both without shifting the status quo, when in fact they both mean “I can’t see myself with anyone but you and I want you forever in any way we can be, let’s please shift the status quo”.
Then Crowley made the situation worse (though I do think he was VERY brave in doing it because WE the audience know his intentions are true and honest) by adding a kiss into the mix when they’re both upset and angry at each other. Both are left crying (Aziraphale turns around when the Metatron arrives, and there’s NO reason he should unless it’s to wipe his eyes. And Crowley deliberately put his glasses back on, so I think it was to cover up the tears) and no one gets what they truly want.
I think we’ll get a payoff for this next season, when they’re finally BOTH on the same page and NOT misunderstanding each other. I think there will be a “did you mean it?” from Aziraphale, and then a verbalized “I love you (or a variation of those words)” from Crowley, and then the paralleled line of “our side” I mentioned in the Gabe & Beez section. I think there will be a better, more satisfying kiss next season. I really do have faith about that.
Other AziraCrow Things
I saw a meme that put it best: “Aziraphale fell first, but Crowley fell HARDER”. I think Crowley is more comfortable in his pining because he’s not constrained by the same hangups and “obligations” that Aziraphale has. Aziraphale is worried that it’s “sinful” to love a demon.
I mentioned this before in the Raphael section, but I want to reiterate the point about The Miracle, because it’s SUPER important that this was a big plot point. The fact that it was so strong for something apparently so minuscule according to them proves that they are better together, and now that Heaven is aware that their powers combined to create that miracle, they absolutely want to keep the two of them apart. They suddenly became very aware that Aziraphale and Crowley are RIDICULOUSLY stronger together, because if a tiny miracle can set off alarms in Heaven, what can two full miracles combined create? I feel like this is a BIG Chekov’s gun for S3.
I think a large part about why Crowley is offended by Aziraphale’s acceptance of the job offer is because Crowley is upset that he’s not enough for Aziraphale, especially when he rejected Beez’s offer for Aziraphale. His voice shakes when he asked what Aziraphale did. He’s hurt.
THE TOUCHING in this season is insane. It’s so casual and it’s EVERYWHERE. Their relationship, when it’s finally actualized, is going to be heart wrenching in a good way, the “good sort of hurt”. I truly do believe AziraCrow is endgame.
It amuses me to no end that the fact that these two idiots and their one braincell think that they can make a human relationship work when they’ve been mutually pining over each other for 6,000+ years with very little progress. And good lord, they both take their advice from fiction. It’s hilarious.
Aziraphale’s unending faith in Crowley’s “goodness” also kills me. I love that Crowley actually never wants to kill anything, he’s literally just trying to get by without getting caught, and he always gently encourages Aziraphale to do the same. He cares so much about being gentle with Aziraphale. The scene on the rock where Crowley is SO SOFT with Aziraphale melted my heart. It’s so sweet.
I LOVE that it was CROWLEY who got Aziraphale into food and drinks. It explains a LOT about why Crowley likes watching Aziraphale eat. HE did that. It was his first “gift” to Aziraphale (to his knowledge at this stage, when really it was Crowley’s smile at making the universe that really did it).
Crowley’s devotion to making Aziraphale happy while Azzie is just oblivious to how Crowley feels hurts a LOT, but I want to expand more upon this in my followup reblog to my relationship meta. I see myself SO MUCH in Azzie it’s goddamned scary.
Actually, I don’t think Aziraphale is oblivious to be mean, since he makes a point that “rescuing me makes him so happy”, BUT I think Aziraphale might misinterpret Crowley’s devotion as “Crowley wanting to do good” and not “omg he’s in love with me and wants me safe always”. Which I think is why Azzie is naïve enough to believe that Crowley actually WANTS to do good and not get in trouble for it, so thinks that Crowley will jump at the chance to go back to Heaven with him. Aziraphale always saw the rescues and the saving of children and animals on the same level – as a demon fighting against his nature – when in reality it’s a demon who just does what he wants because he cares about everything and Aziraphale happens to be at the top of that list.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE METATRON and AZIRAPHALE’S DECISION
This section will be short since I actually covered a large chunk of it in my Manipulation of the Metatron Meta Reply a couple days ago, so please go read that if you’re interested. The shortened, summarized version of that is this:
The Metatron is playing Aziraphale, and he’s only using Aziraphale to bring about Armageddon 2.0, using Aziraphale’s desire to be needed and useful against him. Azzie DIDN’T see what Crowley saw in Heaven when he accessed the files and I don’t think he knows about the Book of Life Threat that was the punishment for harbouring Gabriel, either. Only Crowley knew about that, but didn’t tell Azzie (again, a huge problem in their communication that needs to be worked out).
Heaven and the Metatron KNOW that Crowley is a liability and I suspect they also know how powerful they are together. They needed to drive a wedge between them, and knew Aziraphale was pure-hearted enough to believe that he could make a difference, AND that Crowley would never take up the offer that was presented given his vocal disdain for both Heaven and Hell.
And they chose Aziraphale as opposed to the other angels because the angels actually lust for the power, and that can be unpredictable. But because Azzie has ALWAYS only wanted to do Good with no ulterior motives other than to Make Everything Better, he is easier to manipulate. Crowley is the bargaining chip that will be used against Azzie if he attempts to go rogue like Gabe, that I am pretty certain about. I think that Azzie will find out about the Book of Life because they’ll place blame on Crowley for harbouring Gabriel. Aziraphale has no idea that Gabriel really didn’t have any power. The minute Gabe turned against them, a trial and ousting happened. Aziraphale got himself into a no-win situation, and upon discovering this, he’ll believe that, because he rejected Crowley, Crowley won’t come to save him this time, so to save Crowley, Azzie will go along with the plan. Crowley’s life will literally be in Aziraphale’s hands.
I’ve no idea how Crowley will find out about it (from Muriel maybe?), but Crowley’s POV will be the primary focus next season (since this season was Azzie’s) and we’re gonna see a vengeful demon and I’m here for it. Will there be a dramatic rescue or sacrifice? I think so. Not sure who the whump candle will go to, but my bet is on Crowley this time since we got Aziraphale in S1. Who knows. I’m all for “Aziraphale is hurt, so now Crowley goes feral”, but that’s a personal preference that I can get from fanfics, LOL.
Anyway, the long-short is that this job will be the wake-up call Azzie needs to finally see what Crowley saw, without the manipulation of words to confuse him. That Azzie can’t just “make things better” because he will never be allowed to make things better. As a Supreme Archangel, he will have the clearance and ability to find out everything Crowley did. Unfortunately, it will be too late... or will it? ...
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
OTHER THINGS ON MY MIND (that I didn’t know where else to put)
Aziraphale NEVER FELL because they didn’t want it to look like an Institutional Problem. I even hazard a guess that NO angel has ever Fell since the Initial and Only Fall that sent Satan, Crowley and the other demons down. But Aziraphale doesn’t know that and I suspect that it’s this constant fear of Falling that keeps him complacent to Heaven. He’ll find out how they’ve really been dealing with problems when he’s in his new position.
And I think Azzie also never fell because Crowley made a point to never ever snitch. He knows they would eat him alive in Hell, so he protects Azzie from that as well.
I love that the Bentley clearly has a favourite and it isn’t Crowley!!! The car literally tries to follow Aziraphale. It’s so cute.
And on the subject of the Bentley... Crowley can feel everything going on with his car?? So like... is that a metaphor for Aziraphale being inside Crowley or.....? hee hee heeeeeee.
I loved that David got to use his natural accent in the Edinburgh scenes. IT’S SO PRECIOUS OMG.
And and and while Crowley was high off his rocker, he clearly says “Where are you??? 😢” and Aziraphale had to reassure him that he was there. So sweet.
Aziraphale and his inability to do literally anything humans do “the normal way” (mobile phone use, be a “newspaper man”, properly drive, learn French properly) while turning around and lowkey mocking Muriel is... something else. What a hypocritical dork.
The realization that they have a WHOLE-ASSED apology dance hit me like a tonne of bricks, and we KNOW it’s coming back in S3. There needs to be an entire cabaret from Azzie this time ‘round, LOL.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINAL THOUGHTS
I adored season two, more than season one for sure, and I loved that it built up upon the AziraCrow relationship. It was an interlude that lets us know that they’re sort of in a rut, stuck in a status quo that both are afraid of changing, and that they both need a catalyst event to happen to truly be together.
I remain more hopeful and certain for a satisfying conclusion to their arc than I ever have before. Which is saying a lot because privately, after Sherlock S4, I kind of was ready to not put my faith in another show to canonize a ship I love ever again.
But there’s a huge difference between this finale and Sherlock S4′s finale: GO S2 DOESN’T feel complete, and Neil wants to finish the story. I went into more detail about it on this post here, but essentially it boils down to S4 left me feeling hollow and empty because its 4th season felt so detached from what we already saw. It felt like the closing of a book with the wrong pages in it, with no confirmation in sight of concluding the series proper with the S5 they’ve been promising for years. GOS2, on the other hand, left us feeling like everything’s WRONG but in the right way, you know what I mean? Like there is a part two to this saga to be completed. And that Neil himself seems determined to finish the story regardless of what happens.
I like to think that both Michael and David know what Gaiman plans for the endgame of their characters, given that Gaiman HAS said he does “have the final fifteen pages of Episode 6 [...] written. Given what we got in S2 with The Kiss, and Michael and David’s adoration for this story and its characters, I am hopeful that Neil entrusted them with what he wants for AziraCrow. They in turn play those characters better for it.
So yeah, maybe I’m just putting clown shoes back on with this one, but I will remain... optimistically skeptical. Like, I REALLY want and believe that AziraCrow is endgame, that the Husbands will be actual husbands, but I also will remain skeptical that it can happen and not be upset if it doesn’t. I got a kiss (a terrible one, but a kiss nonetheless). I got a tonne of touching. I got them dancing together. I think that’s more than we ever could have hoped for, and it’s already leagues above what I am used to.
To conclude, here are some more questions, thoughts, and hopes for S3:
There are SO many “Chekov gun” moments in play in S2 currently, little things that really seem so pointless to have introduced (like the apology dance) and I am TRULY hoping that it’s true that Gaiman didn’t put things in this series unless it’s important later. I feel it will all come back around. Where S1 had open and closed plot points, S2 did NOT.
Why was Crowley able to get into Heaven without any issue? Is THIS part of the Ineffable Plan? Why does Crowley not want anyone to know who he was before the Fall? It’s clear Crowley POSSIBLY knows more than he lets on about Everything. I think he was at one time the Supreme Archangel... Gabriel’s banishment could foreshadow this, given that Gabe is deliberately used as a Crowley mirror in this season.
I hope for a stupidly emotional, makes-me-sob-fat-tears, reunion, confession and acceptance of each other. Oh, and of course, the infamous cottage in Sussex we all hope for. I am a SUCKER for emotional beats and I CRAVE it.
Oh, and a HUGE apology dance from Aziraphale. You introduced that shit, I want to see Azzie go all out in return.
I think Crowley will be the first one to confess verbally. The Gabriel mirror kind of sealed that for me.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
FINALLY, that’s that! Thank you for reading all the way through, if you did. Again, as I alluded to in my introduction, I may expand upon a few sections of this meta on other posts in the upcoming weeks as I catch more and more things, and start integrating other people’s meta into my own theories.
Apologies for any errors in this, it took me nearly 2 days to write and a very tired couple proofreads through it to clean up hanging text.
I hope you enjoyed my foray back into meta-writing, and please, do not hesitate to send me an ask to either of my blogs if you wish for me to expand more on a topic.
Cheers, and good day 💙🖤
145 notes
·
View notes
Note
Hi, I'm a system and have mutliple other disorders. All "cis" if you will. I'm not here to shame anyone but I would genuinely like to know how this makes sense to you? I want to know your persepctive because I don't understand and maybe I can get some more insight from someone else. I feel invalidated when people talk about endogenic and "transsystems" because my disorder is not an aesthetic and I had to go through so much trauma that turned me into who I am today and not in a good way. It's painful and it hurts when I see people making fun of my experience by saying they've acquired their system "naturally" even though that's not how the disorder works (By "making fun of" I mean that's how it feels). It also feels transphobic to hijack trans wording such as "cis" and "trans" even though disorders are different to gender. Gender is a social construct and disorders are just not. They can't go away, they can't change. I can never get my childhood back and I struggle to be able to be myself with my Autism and ADHD, I find it hard to keep relationships from the immense anxiety I've gotten from my CPTSD symptoms and the chronic mistrust I've had to develop to survive. I guess I just want to ask why? Why you believe in these things? It's not that I hate you, I don't, I genuinely want to understand because currently I feel hurt, and upset, and made fun of in a way I've never felt before and I just want to know the logic and reasoning behind this kind of stuff before I make a judgement.
This is an old post, so it's entirely possible you've already made up your mind on these issue now. But either way, I decided I might as well answer now
Personally, I feel these are different subjects.
First...
Disorders Are a Social Construct
Not in the same way as gender or race, mind you.
Rather, disorders are bureaucratic labels tacked onto symptoms. These symptoms may or may not actually be related.
We live in a universe with DID and OSDD-1 are considered separate disorders. But it doesn't have to be like that. Maybe in another universe, they would be the same disorder.
Or, maybe in one universe, DID wouldn't exist and OSDD-1a and 1b would be two separate disorders, with DID just being the comorbidity between these two things.
Maybe your ADHD would actually be branded as a type of autism, or autism could still be considered a classification of Schizophrenia. Many psychiatrists actually dislike the disorder model, and would prefer focusing on individual symptoms instead.
Also, some disorders can go away, and some disorders can change. Well, the diagnosis will still remain, but that's more another matter of the bureaucracy. If you're depressed for two weeks, you get a diagnosis. Then the symptoms can go away for 30 years, but you'll retain that diagnosis forever.
I Think You Can Experience Dysphoria For Anything
The reason I feel how I do on transX identities is because I've seen people in the plural community with memories of living completely different lives. People who feel uncomfortable with every aspect of the body they inhabit.
I've personally felt inadequate for lacking the intelligence and education of my source.
I know some who feel phantom limb-like experiences relating to parts they never had like wings and tails.
And psychologists have acknowledged and researched BIID, where people will feel like they should have a certain physical condition.
And so I totally believe it's possible to have dysphoria for anything, including mental conditions you don't have. It doesn't make rational sense why someone would want certain conditions, but the brain rarely makes rational sense and it would be a mistake to assume it needs to.
Endogenic Systems Are Different
I don't believe endogenic systems are a result of or related to dysphoria at all, outside of transplurals.
I believe endogenic plurality is a naturally occurring condition. We can see this in the ease of which people are able to divide themselves into parts in Internal Family Systems. The autonomy of imaginary friends as children. And the fact that many unrelated cultures around the world have reported nonpathological spiritual possession through history.
Most endogenic plurality isn't people who feel like they need to be plural or feel dysphoric for being a singlet. It's just a different experience that's been largely ignored by psychology until the past decade.
I've been collecting studies on these various phenomena here:
Personally, I find the imaginary friend studies most interesting. In the past, it was assumed that imaginary friends were purely controlled by the child hosts, but more evidence keeps stacking up showing that this isn't the case and that these are natural fully autonomous agents.
These experiences have been ignored by psychiatry for a long time because they just weren't pathological, and they were hidden enough that psychiatry could dismiss them as just pretend or fake.
31 notes
·
View notes
Conversation
Good Boy Audios Incorrect Quotes (Part 3)
Albus: I'd like to offer my moral support, but I have questionable morals.
•••
Paradise: I didn't understand why people care so much about their dumb friends until I got a dumb friend myself
Paradise: I've only had Kalamos for a day and a half but if anything happened to him I would kill everyone in this room and then myself
•••
Odin: *tapping lightly on table*
Ulysses: *tapping back*
Tyr: What are they doing?
Pandora: Morse Code
Odin: *slams his hands on the table* You take that back!
•••
Faithful: On a scale of one to ten, how lonely are you?
Albus: It stops at ten?
•••
Yargwynn: Here's a list of suspects I've put together so far
Paradise: Yargwynn, your name is on this list
Yargwynn: I don't remember where I was last Friday night, Paradise. Therefore, I have no alibi. I've been tailing myself for the last three days
•••
Faithful: Are you alright? You didn't sleep at all last night
Albus: I got a solid eight minutes
Albus: Not consecutively, but it's fine. You're not even that blurry
•••
Makkaro: How's the most beautiful person in the world doing?
Darling, not looking up from cooking: I don't know, how *are* you doing?
Makkaro, trying not to cry: I'm fine
•••
Yargwynn: Sometimes I think I have too much self-esteem
Yargwynn: Then I remember that I'm just really f*&^ing pretty
•••
Devlin, knocking on Albus' door: Are you decent?
Albus: Not morally, but I’m wearing pants if that’s what you’re asking
•••
Makkaro: Swear words are illegal now. If you say one you'll be fined
Frank: Heck
Makkaro: You're on thin f*&^ing ice
Makkaro: Oh no
•••
Yargwynn: Bureaucracy is confusing.
Mortallous: That's why we prefer arson: it's simple.
•••
Albus: Sandy always told me to pick my battles
Albus: Well I'm full of rage and picking all of them!
•••
Paradise: You're up early, Yargwynn
Yargwynn:
Paradise: You never went to sleep, did you?
•••
Odin @ Okami: I'm going to defeat you with the power of friendship and this gun I found
•••
Faithful: Okay, look. *I* don’t want Albus to die and YOU don’t want Albus to die. So now all we have to do is make sure ALBUS doesn’t want Albus to die
Devlin: No offense, sister, but have you MET Albus?
•••
Yargwynn: Why is pretty boy considered an insult?
Yargwynn: Like, call me a pretty boy
Yargwynn: Call me a pretty boy right now
Yargwynn: I want to be the prettiest boy you've ever seen
•••
Mirren: Go ahead, ask the captain something no one should have an opinion on
Zed: What's the worst multiple of 4?
The Guardian, scowling: Twelve, obviously
•••
Albus: I wasn't injured. I was lightly stabbed
Faithful: You were stabbed?!?!?!
Albus: Lightly stabbed. I didn't want to worry you
•••
Yargwynn: I want to be mysterious so bad but I just cannot shut the f*&^ up
•••
Odin: Rules are made to be broken!
Tyr: Nothing is made to be broken, Odin.
Ulysses: Glowsticks
Pandora: Piñatas
Okami: Karate boards
Fenrir: Spaghetti when you have a really small pot
Odin: Rules!
Tyr: -_-
•••
Albus: Can I ask a dumb question?
Devlin: Better than anybody I know
•••
Yargwynn: It's muggy outside today
Paradise: If I go out there and all our mugs are in the front yard, I'm leaving you
Yargwynn: *sips drink from a bowl*
•••
Odin, about Ulysses: Can I shoot him?
Pandora, Tired™: Not in public
•••
Albus: What if I put coffee in my cereal instead of milk?
Devlin, taking the pot while he walks by: What if you don't
•••
Hades: Truth or dare
Pandora: Truth?
Hades: How many hours have you slept this week?
Pandora: Dare
Hades: Go to bed
Pandora: I've decided I don't like this game
#Good Boy Audios#GoodBoyAudios#GBA Bastard Warrior#GBA MotH#GBA Fourseen#Space Pirates Saga#GBA Albus#GBA Devlin#GBA Faithful#GBA Tyr#GBA Odin#GBA Ulysses#GBA Pandora#GBA Yargwynn#GBA Paradise#GBA Fenrir#GBA Zed#GBA Guardian#GBA Makkaro#GBA Hades
67 notes
·
View notes
Text
Distance.
Ages ago, @salsedine sent me not one but 2 prompts from this Florence prompt list. You can find the first one here for some mutual F!Mahariel/Morrigan pining, but the second one...
Big God is one of those songs I really like and always need to listen to… twice or thrice in a row. I wanted to do it good and catch the feeling and I felt like I always was going out of theme. I wrote this prompt. And re-wrote it. And re-wrote it again. Settled on an idea. Wrote it twice. Re-read it and be angry at it.
I was considering changing the character (in my mind it's an Aisling song, but MH), or making it crack, but then I read Florence talking about it, describing this song as a “obviously, an unfillable hole in the soul, but mainly about someone not replying to my text"...
… And I realize I already wrote it in one of my ten thousand iteration.
So here you go it’s angsty. Post Trespasser. AND it’s epistolary, because I wanted to try it. Maybe I’ll post the bigger version on AO3, it’s Aisling’s pov and it got discarded because it was getting LONG even for my standards. That needs an ending and some more editing, tho, so here you go in the meanwhile.
37. The best of the best and the worst of the worst
CW: Mental illness, PTSD, Depression
Sometimes I think it's getting better
And then it gets much worse
Is it just part of the process?
Jesus Christ, it hurts
Big God – Florence + The Machine
Skyhold, August 27, 9:44 Dragon
Aisling,
Just writing to check in that you got there all right. Stupid of me, since you left but… What, few hours ago?
I hope you can forgive me for organizing all this. I swear it’s not to send you away, it’s not because I don’t want you, but I don’t think staying here was doing you any good. Three days in a bed are too many, my love, I hope you can forgive me for worrying.
I am already missing you, before you can think of anything else. If you need, please know that I’m but a letter away. Ask, and I’ll come running.
All my love,
Cullen
---
Skyhold August 29, 9:44 Dragon
Hello, love.
I’m told you arrived all right and you settled in Stone-Bear Hold, and I wanted to give you a welcome myself.
Don’t take these as any pressure to reply. Take your time, I am here waiting until you’re ready.
Pet Storvacker for me as well, would you?
All my love,
Cullen
---
Skyhold, August 31, 9:44 Dragon
My love,
Nothing much happened, don’t worry. It’s all bureaucracy and I’m quite bored.
I must say that you were right, your room is indeed dauntingly big - I’m rolling my eyes at your smug grin, right now. I left all the pieces of my armour on the floor, one beside the other, to fill it a little and to recreate some mess. You can laugh. Since you’re gone it’s all too tidy, and I miss you.
All my love,
Cullen
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 3, 9:44 Dragon
My love,
I missed yesterday, sorry about that.
I’m fine, it was just a busy day. Before you ask: yes, I’m eating regularly and I’m fine.
I think Dennet is a little bored, without you and Little Brother around. I caught him snorting grumpily at a horse that obeyed to him right away, the other day. I hope Little Brother is well, I am sure I don’t have to tell you to give him an apple from me.
Or should I? I got told you didn’t go to the stables onc Nevermind that, you surely know better.
Love,
Cullen
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 5, 9:44 Dragon
Is it already a week since I last saw your face? It seems a lot more.
I slept in my old loft tonight, it’s less big and daunty and I had a lot of work. It feels void anyway, without you, and whatever company there is at lunch can’t hold a candle to you, even if I appreciate it. See? I’m also eating with other people, like you’d want. It’s not really the same without you, but I’m holding on. And struggling to make these letters longer, as you’d want too.
Without you making shenanigans with Dorian and Sera, it’s all too quiet, and there’s really little to report.
Beside that I miss you.
All my love,
Cullen
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 7, 9:44 Dragon
Aisling,
I hate to speak about work, particularly right now. But this bears importance to mention:
If you’re approached by Sapphira, please turn her away. She came up with a plan and… We turned her down already, Cassandra is dealing with it. Do not worry at all, but if she comes to you, please be wary, I doubt she is your friend. I doubt she was ever our friend.
I hate to write this letter with such things. My plan was for you to forget about work for a while and figure things out, and look at me. You really married the wrong person not to talk about work, I fear.
I am sorry, love. I hope you’re doing better and are more rested.
I hope you can get out of bed in the morning with no problems.
If you are and you do, then missing you so much is fine.
I love you,
Cullen
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 8, 9:44 Dragon
Love,
I’m making up for yesterday’s letter with a better one.
I managed to convince Cabot to give me the recipe of his scones, and to let me try it with his supervision.
I did some turns in the kitchen back when I was training, and well. I’m no baker in any way, but they didn’t turn out so bad for a first trial. I think you’d like them. And it was pleasant to do. By the time I’ll see you again I hope I’ll be better.
Maybe after I’ll learn these I’ll ask the cook to teach me to make custard, what about it?
I hope you are eating enough.
I do miss you, a lot.
Cullen
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 11, 9:44 Dragon
Aisling.
I understand you aren’t well. I understand you need time and space, all too well.
This is in no way meant as a criticism or to withdraw anything I ever professed for you. I still love you, I still want you, I have no intention of leaving you, ever if you’ll let me stay.
It’s just been a difficult night and I fear that-
I don’t know what to think of your lack of answer and it’s terror-
I’d need for you to write back, just to
Please-
Never mind that.
I wish you answered to me. Just once. Tell me you’re fine, tell me anything, really.
Please.
I shouldn’t send this.
I do love you, I do, and I wished you were fine and you were here.
C
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 12, 9:44 Dragon
Aisling,
Never mind the letter from yesterday.
I’m sorry I sent it, I shouldn’t dump that on you right now.
The love still stands. I’m better now. Could use a full night sleep, but this bed is just so damn big. I complained to Josephine and she laughed because apparently you told her the same thing.
She told me to say hi, maybe you’ll read this before her letters? Well. We all miss you.
Love,
C.
---
Stone-Bear Hold, Kingsway 13, 9:44 Dragon
Cullen,
I am so sorry- Please, if you- If you can bear to forgive-
I’m sorry, I really am that you’re not well and facing it alone. Before you can tell me so: no, I don’t mind listening. Please, tell me more. I hope you are really better, and it’s not something you wrote to make me feel better. Don’t lie just to spare my feelings, please, I’m better knowing.
I know you’re strong and you’ll make it through, you did so many times before and you’ll do it one more time, I trust you. Just, take it easy, please. You made the right choice and it’s good to pursue this path, even if it’s difficult and it hurts and thirsty.
You can do it. You already did it. More than once. I have not many things to believe into, right now, but I do believe in you.
I am fine.
Since when you started seeing that as a lie? I do wonder if it was exactly when you started complaining about it, or if you realised sooner. Comes to mind I never asked you.
I am surviving, I can’t say anything more than this, I am afraid.
It’s… I am so sorry. I have forced myself to read your letters just today, in truth.
Physically I am fine. I am not in pain, the wound closed well and the Healer is happy with it, says that beside the scars I have nothing to fear anymore. My balance is still off, but I trip and bump less and less. Nonetheless…
I am given things to do. I help the Augur and Sigrid Gulsdotten in their activities, and it’s good and honest work. The morning is for people, helping them out, preparing rites, picking herbs when we finish them. The afternoons the children come for lessons, and I’m more another student than a help, but the Augur doesn’t seem to mind much, and I quite like listening to the lore. I can’t but wonder if the Lady of the Sky was also a not going there.
After that is when time stops. I don’t know what to do, honestly. I lived so much out of roles and paths pre-traced for me that now that I’m out of them all I find myself in the void. Do I like the things I do because I had to, because of habit, or because I sincerely do? When I am left with nothing left to do, I don’t know anymore. I don’t know what I like and I don’t know who I am.
That’s why I haven’t replied before. It’s like… I think back of the person I was, and it doesn’t feel like I’m her anymore. I am terrorized at the idea that I’ll open those letters and they’ll all be addressed to a person that’s not me anymore. I can’t take it, right now. Thank you for having written, and thank you for not having written to her.
I miss you so much.
I miss you most at lunches: no one here can hold a candle against you, too. I miss our conversations and your friendship.
I miss you in the afternoons, because all that comes to mind is that I could curl in the corner of the couch in your office. Complain because it’s always full of boxes of reports and there’s no space. And just watch you work.
I miss you at nights the most. Sigrid is a good hugger, but she’s not you, she hasn’t your smell and she cuts the hugs always short.
Tonight I missed you so much that… Ida Sigridsdotten and Annike Majasdotten married, today. I put up a dress and smiled and helped the rites as I was asked to. But when it was over, and people started walking to the Hall for the banquet I missed you so much, I couldn’t ignore the memories. It was so unbearable that I fell back and decided to open one of your letters. Just one, I thought, I need to know who you were talking to.
It was so brief -not that I expected anything else, I know you. So I opened another. And another.
I couldn’t avoid answering your last letter, I hope you don’t mind if this is so long. It compensates for all those days of silence, I hope.
I really hope it does.
Is it ok for me to conclude this with expressing love? I am not sure who I am anymore, I don’t know what I like, but I do know that I love you. Reading your letters was a breath of fresh air. Ironical no? I get so much of it, these days.
Write to me again, if you wish.
With all the love I can muster, from exactly where I don’t know but it’s there,
Aisling.
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 14, 9:44 Dragon
Love.
Another calm day, full of bureaucracy.
I do hate dealing with money and calculating. You’d laugh at me and tell me it’s simple maths and do everything in five minutes.
Sometimes I still look up from my desk and expect you napping on the couch. I don’t think it did you so well, and I’m glad you’re out there doing better things, and I won’t lie: it made me feel observed. But now that you’re away, I do miss that too.
Maker, I miss your mess. Frida went through all your drawers, now they’re unbearably organized.
I do wonder: are you reading?
C.
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 15, 9:44 Dragon
My love,
You would be happy in knowing I just made a fool of myself.
Your letter came, and I just took it and ran away without realizing, leaving apparently Josephine and a trio of Comtes who lent us money and were discussing of reparations standing in the Great Hall, mid speech.
If I don’t answer anymore, Josie came for my head.
Now, with order.
I am afraid you never were much of a liar, my love. I realised you weren’t fine as you told it the first time in Haven, you have always worn your heart on your sleeve. Honestly? I liked that in you from the start. I only hope this new you still has it, it was endearing and soothing. But if you don’t feel like that anymore, it’s fine anyway. But please, don’t lie to me. No need for it.
I wish you were here too, but I don’t think you’d like being here. For the rest, I’m fine. Really. It was just a bad night. I’m better now that I heard from you.
As for the rest, I can think of a couple of things you like: magic and animals. You love horses. Maker knows you worried me so and busied Josie enough to make you presentable again after the stables to like horses out of duty. What about it?
Answer, if you’d like. I understand if you don’t. I’ll keep the love with gladness.
All my love,
Cullen
---
Stone-Bear Hold, Kingsway 17, 9:44 Dragon
Cullen,
Please don’t let Josie reach you. Or if she did, hello Josie, can I have his cape back to remember him by?
Thank you, love Cull my love. It all brought a smile, and it was something I needed. That was a lovely long letter, please keep it up, I appreciated it so much.
I don’t want to see horses. My balance is still off when I’m walking and I would hurt myself on a horse, for real. And I don’t think I could And I would hate to see you smug with a “I told you so”.
But yeah, I guess so. I pet Storvacker whenever she comes around, and it’s nice, she’s very beautiful and such a good creature. I think she remembers I saved her, but maybe it’s just wishful thinking. How’s Bran? Is he keeping you good company, did he learn to duck and not fetch?
The children hijacked the lesson, today, when the topic fell on Hakkon Wintersbreath. We went overtime because the kept asking me about the dragons I slayed, if it was true. Someone out there had spread the rumour I dealt with the three in the Emprise all at once? I had to struggle to convince them it didn’t happen like that, and they were even more disappointed than when I told them that slaying dragons is just a sad thing to do and I hated doing it.
Oh, there’s one thing I hate. Does it count?
I do love you, and I miss you a little less now that I’m writing back. Thank you for being so patient with me. I do love you, a lot. You’re one thing I really like.
Are you feeling better? For real.
Say that I’m sorry hello to the others from me.
A.
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 19, 9:44 Dragon
My love,
It does count, and I think it goes into the liking animals box. Anything else? I remember you were quite fond of swimming, if I recall correctly our first visit to Honnleath and our last one in Wycome. What about it? If you can catch a sunny day, the water should still be warm enough to bathe.
And sweets. Do they have something sweet to eat? Should I ship down there your candy stash?
Bran is fine, and is keeping me good company, thanks. He misses you too, but I’ve been fairly successful in teaching him not to sleep where you should be on the bed. Now he sleeps at my feet and I have to curl up. He still fetches, but we’re working on that too.
I am feeling better, I swear. For real, I took it easier in the last days and delegated some.
I firmly believe you wouldn’t fall if you tried to ride. I saw you. Maybe don’t start with a gallop, ease yourself in? I am sorry if I insist, but please, don’t let fear stop you. You love riding and you love that horse. And I’m sure he misses you too. And I’m not saying that to pressure you, but because you always light up when you talk about horses and about Little Brother, and I’m sure he misses you too. But it’s ok, ignore this paragraph if it bothers you, you surely know best what’s good for you.
Everyone says hello. There are various recommendations of hugs, and get well soon and missing you and a choir of “Horns up” from the Chargers and Dorian.
I second the missing, and the horns up too.
C.
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 25, 9:44 Dragon
Aisling,
I am sorry if I told you something wrong.
Please, ignore the last letter.
Little Brother is well taken care of, safe as can be, and I recommend to give him extra apples and extra cuddles. Do not worry about him, love, and please forgive me if I insisted.
If I see another Comte pretending we borrowed money from him without papers to demonstrate it I swear I’m throwing them down the battlements. Bran growling at him had been a nice addition to the group. Josie too gave him a biscuit for his good job.
I happily announce you that I have a recipe for custard and a successful attempt to my record. It was good, I’m waiting for the first lemons to try it properly and try to make it as you like it.
I do miss you, love, and I worry. Forgive me if I said the wrong thing.
I do love you even if you’ll never ride again.
Cullen
---
Skyhold, Kingsway 28, 9:44 Dragon
Aisling.
You know what?
Fuck the Comtes.
Josie and Cassandra can hold their own for a while.
Wait for me.
C.
---
Stone-Bear Hold, Kingsway 28, 9:44 Dragon
Cullen.
I’m sorry. Again. I really am.
I was angry at first. And hurt. The thought of not riding again… I have been scraped clean of so much, that the idea of realizing that I had given away that too was unbearable, even in theory. You were right in insisting, because yes. I do love horses not out of duty.
Spirits, or whatever power there is in this world, how many weeks of waking up before the dawn I did back in Haven, because I didn’t want a mount out of duty and out of a choice made for me, but I wanted that horse? With you, it’s the one thing I don’t want to give up on, and you reminded me I had to.
But you were right. – I miss your smug smile, now, I would so much love to be able to kiss it away.
After two days of being angry, I decided to go to camp out of spite.
I hate how people there can’t talk to me and the pity there. I should thank you for organizing my stay with the Avvar, it was… It was what I needed.
Anyway.
Little Brother was, indeed, angry. I can’t hardly blame him. I know how he’s feeling.
I stood there in the paddock, as in the first days. He ignored me for hours. And then he approached me. Bumped me to the ground with his head.
I deserved it, poor thing. I left him on his own for a month. And I know he must have felt abandoned and… And nobody should feel like that.
I cried for the first time in a month, and we cuddled.
You were right, my love. It did me well.
I think I’ll get back in the afternoons.
I never answered to you about magic and… I’m not using much magic. I’ve been seeing Desperation again in my dreams. Nothing much, I’m still here and I’m fine, both the Augur and Sigrid are aware. The Augur has been very helpful. I’m telling you because it may help you too.
He says that for all negative spirits we attract, there’s a good one too. The good one is lingering around, we just need to see it, even if it’s a little more difficult to tune down the noise of the other.
I feel mine: there’s Cole around, lingering at the edge of my vision. He hasn’t approached me yet, but I feel him, always there. At the ready should I… Well, I do need him. But I need him from afar.
I’m not yet ready to face head-on what happened, and facing him would mean that.
But I’m writing you from the stable, forgive the wobbly calligraphy. I hope you can still read it, but my desk is furry and breathing. I couldn’t take his head away from my legs, and I don’t want to. He needed this, and so do I.
I stopped crying, but I think I’ll get back at it in some minutes. It’s good for me, and I missed it too.
I feel hopeful today.
Thank you for pushing me to come here.
Thank you for knowing me better than I do. I needed that. I still do.
I will be ready to see Cole and talk with him. Eventually.
I think I’ll try to hop on Little Brother, tomorrow.
I should probably stop writing. I do miss you keenly, right now, and I wish you were here. Do not fret here, tho: you have work to do and I don’t want to distract you any more than I’m already doing, love.
I am fine. I’m not lying.
Please do not worry, and remember that I love you. Even if you make me angry at times.
I love you and I miss you, and I hope I’ll dream of you tonight, and that it’ll be a nice memory. It’s not that hot to swim, unfortunately, but I’ll be able to dream of when we did in Wycome.
Love, quite a lot of it even if it smells like horse,
Aisling
---
Stone-Bear Hold, Kingsway 29, 9:44 Dragon
Cullen,
Nothing much to add since yesterday, honestly.
I just wanted you to be the first to know: I am waiting for Little Brother to be saddled. I need to find a way to do it myself, but-
*the rest is written in a calligraphy even less readable and clear than the rest, clearly scribbled very quickly.*
You must be kidding- Who am I writing to, I’m telling you directly.
Spirits, you’re so sappy it’s lucky I love you.
Or not, the lucky one is definitely me.
Here? Really? With all those reports?
Ok I’m done, I’m asking you.
---
---
Stone-Bear Hold, Kingsway 30, 9:44 Dragon
Hiding this in your boot as you sleep, if you won’t notice when you’ll put it up tomorrow, know that it’s the reason I smiled at you. Well, one of the reasons, not the only one and not the most important. But still.
Nothing much, I just wanted to say thank you, and reiterate that you’re impossible and stubborn and totally the fun police. And that I love you because you are.
Thank you, really.
A.
#dragon age#dragon age inquisition#dragon age fanfiction#da fanfic#cullavellan#post trespasser#ANGST#writing petrel#aisling lavellan#cullen rutherford#epistolary#am I sure about anything of this? ABSOLUTELY NO#unfortunately my mind works in order I'll post this to hopefully be able to get on with the last prompt I have#also it's been in my WIP for two months and I'm tired of looking at it :"D
14 notes
·
View notes
Text
the one where Emma is pregnant
for everyone who didn't ask for it, I wrote a two-shot fic of that plotline on friends where Joey realises he loves Rachel but Ross kinda gets in the way but I made it CaptainSwan and (don't come at me) made it as it should have happened on the show ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
massive thanks to @belovedcreation for being my beta and having so much patience with me!
rated T | 7662 words
also on AO3
Chapter One - Killian
Killian Jones was going to hell.
Not only was he going to hell but he was living it too.
Emma Swan was pregnant. He was in love with Emma Swan. And he was not the father of Emma Swan’s baby.
On top of that, Emma Swan did not love him back and was currently in the living room they shared reading Dr. Seuss to her 6-month bump, in a painfully (read, lovely) domestic scene.
Maybe not hell but very close.
“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.” Killian heard from the kitchen, watching her hand make absent-minded shapes on her clothed belly. “You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go...”
He took a deep centering breath. He did that a lot around her.
“Think the lad will come out speaking in rhymes?” He asked playfully, coming to sit on the arm of the couch.
“Ha-ha, very funny,” Even without looking at her, he could tell she was rolling her eyes and he smiled. “All the baby books say to talk to the baby, so he knows your voice and since I don’t want to bore him with adoption bureaucracy, Dr. Seuss will do.” With a pleased grin, Emma burrowed further into the carefully placed pillows and flipped the page. “You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em-” Taking advantage of her single-hand hold, Killian took the book from her hand. “Hey!”
“He is probably tired of your voice by now,” He teased, ignoring her raised eyebrow glare. “Uncle Killian is the master storyteller here.”
Emma scoffed, clearly trying to hide her smile. “Alright, Uncle Killian, dazzle us.”
“Make yourself comfortable, Swan.”
She made a show of fixing herself, positioning her body towards him with an expectant gaze, her hands on her five-month pregnant belly. For a moment, he let himself watch her, pretend for a moment that this was his. “We’re waiting.”
He shook off his fantasies, winking at her to disguise his turmoil. “You’ll look up and down streets. Look’em over with care. About some you will say, ‘I don’t choose to go there.’” Her eyes closed when he glanced over to her and his smile grew. “With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet, you’re too smart to go down any not-so-good street.”
“Wow!”
Killian turned sharply to Emma at her exclamation, finding her with eyes wide open and a surprised smile on her face. “What’s wrong?”
“Nothing, he just gave the strongest kick!”
He couldn’t help the fascinated expression on his face as he glanced between her belly and her face. “Really?”
“Yeah! Here,” Without warning, she grabbed his hand, the book forgotten to the floor.
His hand glided over her clothed belly guided by her own and he couldn’t help but to watch as her eyebrows scrunched in concentration, her teeth teasing her bottom lip. Tempting.
As if aware of his wandering thoughts, he felt a mighty kick against his palm startling a gasp out of him. “Did you feel it?”
“Aye,” Killian breathed out in fascination, a grin stretching over his mouth at the feel of a second kick right under his fingers. “He’s strong.”
“Don’t I know it,” Emma chuckled with a hint of a reproach towards the small human growing inside her. “He’s been kicking at me for a few weeks but the books were saying that people should start being able to feel it about now.”
Killian felt a third softer push against his palm and he began to move his fingers in a soothing gesture. “You’ve been kicking your mother, lad, that’s not very nice.” He admonished in a soft voice, directed at the baby. His rebellious response was two consecutive kicks to his hand causing Emma to snort in amusement. “Apologies, love, I tried.” He chuckled.
“That’s alright,” Emma sighed with a blissfully happy smile on her face, her hands rubbing up and down the sides of her belly, her fingers touching his on every up stroke. “He just likes Uncle Killian’s voice.”
He met her gaze. Her green eyes were a reflection of her happiness, of her serenity. Despite any misgivings upon discovering her pregnancy, there was no one who loved her baby more than Emma Swan. And all he wanted to do, all he was focusing on not doing was kissing her. Kissing her and telling her he loved her. Telling her he wanted to spend the rest of his days with her. Her and her lad.
That, in fact, had been the biggest shock of it all. Killian Jones, eternal bachelor and avid birth control advocate, wanted to be a father. Wanted to be a husband.
All because of Emma Swan.
“Hey, sorry I’m late,” The sudden opening of the apartment door caused Killian to startle into standing before turning towards Neal. “Traffic was a bitch.”
“It’s Friday, everyone wants to get home first,” Emma groaned as she pushed herself into standing.
“I can relate,” Neal snarked, wrapping his arms around Emma for a quick hug before turning to Killian. “Thought you would be at the Rabbit Hole by now, or on a hot date.”
“Nah,” Killian waved the idea away. “I wanted to make sure Emma would be okay until you got here.”
“You’re a good guy,” Neal smiled with a pat to Killian’s shoulder. “Now that I’m here, we should really go.”
“Yeah,” Emma sighed, fixing her bag on her shoulder. “I told the doctor we would be late but we shouldn’t keep them longer.”
“I want to know everything when you’re back.” Killian said, as he always did.
“Don’t worry, Uncle Killian, I’ll give you a picture to add to the fridge.” Emma laughed, her hand running down his arm as she followed Neal to the door.
“See you later, man.” Neal waved leaving Killian alone in his living room, arm in the air in a wave.
To add fuel to the hellfire. Neal Cassidy was his best friend. Neal Cassidy was the baby’s father. And Neal Cassidy was also in love with Emma Swan.
---
Killian would admit, only under threat of excruciating torture, that he was jealous of Neal. It hadn’t always been the case, of course. He’d met him years ago through his flatmate, David, who had been Neal’s college roommate.
He hadn’t been jealous then. Didn’t envy Neal’s broken engagement or the betrayal that led to it. Didn’t envy having to restart his life after something like that. Not when he had gone through the same too.
So what if Neal and Emma had been friends during their school years? They shared the same friend group, so really nothing to be jealous of.
And it wasn’t like he had loved Emma for years, pining away in dark corners and brooding in a lonely room.
Truth was, Emma had fascinated him from the first moment they met. Strong-willed and caring, not to mention absolutely gorgeous, she had burst into their lives in a pink skin-tight dress. Hazards of the job, she called it. Apparently, she had followed her skip to New York and proceeded to ‘honey trap’ him, her words. There had been some choice words directed at her that had led her to the bar their group had been at as well, giving Emma and Mary Margaret an enthusiastic reunion. And he was entranced.
His reputation as a bit of a philanderer, however, had her keeping her distance from him. He couldn’t blame her. It would have likely ended badly if they had fallen into bed with each other. Probably.
In any case, they were friends. Emma had warmed up to him as he opened up to her. They shared stories, scars, adventures. He still slept around, she did too. She dated some people, so did he. She fell in love with Neal, he… was happy for her.
They were friends and it was enough for him.
Until it wasn’t.
David and Mary Margaret’s wedding was years in the making, more than a decade probably. It was clear to anyone who knew them that those two were perfect for each other. So to not only be a part of their wedding but to do so as the officiant was the best day of his life.
Finding out that Emma was pregnant with Neal’s baby did put a damper on the occasion.
He would have also preferred that said baby hadn’t been conceived at his place but Killian was making the conscious choice to put all that far away from his brain.
But it was fine, he had offered his spare room after Tink’s flat caught on fire. He had wanted to be there for his best friend and his infatuation was manageable. Besides, he didn’t want to ruin their friendship over some physical attraction he felt towards her. He had learned to live with it by trying to find a replacement in other people. Not exactly the healthiest but they were all consenting adults.
Of course, he should know that managing it wouldn’t cut it for too long.
“Killian,” Emma called, in that soft voice that told him she was about to ask him something. “Can you get me a muffin, please?”
He grinned, raising an eyebrow at her.
“Come on, I’ll make sure to tell the baby all about their amazing Uncle Killian.” She pouted, as she pointedly rubbed her bump, beautifully round 4 months into the gestation process, her eyes shining with mirth.
“You know, Swan,” he started, standing up. “Once that baby is out, you’ll have to stop using him to get what you want.”
“Agree to disagree,” She grinned as he shook his head with a matching smile. “Chocolate, please.”
He sighed, aware that all that hemming and hawing was purely for show. He would give her anything she asked for. He delighted in the happy wiggle she did on the coffee shop’s chair as he handed her her muffin, in the brilliant smile on her face. In a happy Emma.
“Actually, Swan, I want your opinion on something.”
“Shoot.”
Killian grinned at her muffled voice, her mouth full of muffin. “I’m trying to figure where to take Ariel on a date, do you know of any good restaurants?”
“Ariel? Who’s that?”
“Someone I met at the bar the other day, did I not mention her?”
“No,” She frowned as she wiped her mouth.
“Well, I need to impress her, if you know what I mean.” He winked, making it all the more exaggerated for the eye roll.
“Right,” She grunted.
“Something wrong?”
“Nope,” She quickly answered, popping the ‘p’. “Just make sure to go to her house this time, I wanna sleep.”
Killian’s grin widened. “Not to worry, Swan, I won’t get between you and sleep again. But will you help me?”
“Hmm,” Emma hummed as she broke the muffin into small pieces. “You could take her to Bella Notte, they make delicious food and it’s so beautiful there.” Her voice lightened as she spoke, her lips ticking up in a smile.
“That sounds good.”
“And, afterwards, you could take her to Any Given Sundae for dessert. Or take her on a walk on the docks. Oh! Take her dancing!”
“That’s all well and good, Swan, but won’t all of that make her too tired to have sex with me?” He asked with a raised eyebrow, his grin threatening to split his face.
Emma rolled her eyes, sitting back on the couch with a pout.
“I’m sorry, love, those are great ideas.” Killian reassured with a soft smile.
“I can’t believe I miss dating,” She sighed, placing her free hand on her already visible bump. “I actually miss getting dressed up and going somewhere fancy with some random guy that will disappoint me in bed but will at least take me to a nice restaurant. I won’t be able to do that for a long time…” She patted her belly before turning back to Killian. “Not that I’m not excited to give birth to a sixteen pound baby, of course.”
Killian smiles at her understandingly. “Hey, Swan?”
“Yeah?”
“Do you want to go on a date with me?”
He almost laughed at the way her mouth gaped open before she scoffed, composing herself. “Yeah, right, like you would wanna go out with a pregnant woman.”
“You’re right,” Killian nodded, watching as her shoulders dropped in resignation. “I want to go out with my best friend and have a good time.” His heart soared at the soft smile on her face, a strange spark of something in her eyes. “Besides, it’ll take your mind off birth plans, c-sections, pushing a human head out of your-”
“Alright!” Emma interrupted loudly, glaring at his laughter before joining him. “I’d love to go out with you.”
“I promise you’ll have fun.” Killian winked before standing up to leave with a kiss to her head. “Be ready at 7.”
In hindsight, he should know that hell is filled with good intentions and, as previously said, he was in hell. While all he wanted was to make his best friend happy, he hadn’t been able to ignore the fluttering in his chest at the prospect of this date.
Killian knocked on his flat door at exactly 7pm. He heard her call out to him from inside and resisted the urge to laugh. He knocked once more and held his breath when he heard her approach. Emma opened the door and he was sure his heart had stopped at the sight of her surprised smile.
“What are you doing out there?” Emma asked, a confused smile on her face.
His grin widened. “I’m here to pick you up for our date.” He pulled his hand from behind his back handing her a red rose. “For you.”
Killian watched as her smile grew more genuine, her eyes softening. He felt her fingers brush against his as she took the flower from his hand. “Thank you.” He let her awed whisper and the way her eyes fluttered shut as she smelled the rose to nestle in his chest.
Right, hell.
“This is great,” She smiled widely as she turned to him. “It actually feels like we’re going on a real date,” She whirled around, letting the smell of her vanilla shampoo hit his nose at the movement, to put the rose in a glass of water. “Though, I do have a hint of morning sickness and this was the only dress I could fit in that was date-worthy.”
Killian let his eyes wander down her body at the mention. Her red dress fit snugly around her bump and left her legs bare from the knee down. He remembered the dress from one of their outings to the bar and how loose it had fit her then. She had kept her hair down and it shone even in the artificial lighting. She looked breathtaking.
He mentally shook himself away from fantasies about taking that dress off her. “Alright, Swan, I’m making it my mission to make you forget all about that,” he grinned before clearing his throat and fixing his posture. “Right, so, you have a nice place, I like your book collection.”
“Actually, that’s my roommate’s,” She played along, a beautiful smirk on her face.
“Your roommate? A fellow reader, they sound interesting.”
“He is but he’s also very protective so be warned.” She grinned as she grabbed her bag and her coat.
“And uh, is he good looking?”
“Mhmm.”
He approached with a swagger as she turned her back to the door, entranced by her happy smile. “Oh, it must be tough to keep your hands to yourself…”
Her soft laughter reached into his chest. “Actually, I think he has a leather kink, you know what I mean?” She winked as she opened the door to leave.
“Way to ruin the game, Swan.” He rolled his eyes, a faux annoyed tone to his voice even as he all but skipped out of the flat.
Emma was still laughing as they got out of the cab in front of the restaurant. Just like she’d suggested, he had booked them a table by the window at Bella Notte.
“What did I tell you?” Emma smiles, dazzled and vindicated. “Isn’t it beautiful?”
It was beautiful but that’s not where his attention was. It was on the way the warm candle light reflected in her hair. And the way her eyes shone with delight. And the way it made everything look so much more intimate.
And the way it put him in so much trouble.
“You’re always right, Swan,” he sighed, hoping she would take his tone as reluctance and not this fascination running through him.
Emma winked and he smirked as he rushed to pull the chair out for her. Her smile grew as she sat down, looking up at him. “Hmm, Killian Jones is a gentleman on dates.”
“Don’t sound so surprised,” Killian winked, taking her coat from her before taking one of her hands in his free one. “I’m always a gentleman.”
He hoped it hadn’t been his wishful thinking that he saw a shiver run down her arm at the kiss he placed on her knuckles, his eyes locked with hers. It was only the movement from an approaching waiter that broke him from the spell of her green gaze. He cleared his throat taking his seat, missing the disappointed look on her face or the way she rubbed the place where he kissed with his thumb. He had to show a semblance of control.
The waiter offered them a wine menu which had Emma’s brow furrowed in disappointment. In a show of support, Killian ordered a lasagna for two - after receiving Emma’s approving nod - with their best non-alcoholic beverage.
“You really don’t have to do this, Killian,” Emma pressed her lips together, even as he noticed the appreciative spark in her eyes. “I’m the one who can’t drink, not you.”
“I know.”
Her cheeks reddened under his smirk before she smiled fully back at him. Emma shuffled in her seat before she crossed her arms on the table, staring at him with searching eyes.
“So, besides pulling chairs, what else does Gentleman Killian do on dates?”
“Are you saying I need more than just my good looks?” He laughed at her answering look, raised eyebrows and all. “Well, my brother always taught me to listen, be respectful and polite. You have him to thank.”
Emma sat back on her chair, raising an incredulous eyebrow. “Really? No special moves? What about the hand kiss?”
“I’m just my irresistible self, Swan, that’s all I really need,” Killian winked as he mirrored her posture. “Don’t worry, I don’t have any special tricks that will make you fall in love with me.”
She still looked unconvinced as she inspected him, watching his eyes. He decided to level the playing field, leaning forward to place his elbows on the table.
“What about you, Swan? Any tricks?”
“I don’t need any tricks,” She smirked, pushing away hair from her shoulder in a slow move. His eyes tracked the movement of her hand as she brought it back down her chest before settling it back on her lap. When he looked up at her, her smile was wide and triumphant. “I just clean up well and that’s usually enough.”
“Well,” Killian cleared his throat, sitting back on his chair and scratching at the back of his neck. “That will do it.”
Emma laughed delightedly. That does it too. The waiter returned with their food and beverages and it tasted just as delicious as it smelled. Despite the initial plan of pretending to be on a real date, their conversation topics and general posture is equal to every other time they’ve been together.
With some differences. He felt the touch of her hand on his far more often as he forcefully pushed down his desire to hold it, especially when she dragged her fingers away and he felt her touch emblazoned on his skin. He watched her more attentively than usual too. The way her eyes sparkled, the way her full lips stretched, the way they parted, the way she ran her tongue over them, the way he just wanted to press his lips against hers.
Killian wondered if that is one of her special tricks on a date. He wondered if it would matter if they were. He wondered if it would stop the ache and the pining in his chest for something real with Emma Swan.
“This was great,” Emma smiled brightly, her coat wrapped around her shoulders as they reached their flat door. “Thank you for doing this.”
“It was my pleasure, love,” Killian smiled as he stood close to her, his hand coming up to push her hair over her shoulder. “I had a lot of fun.”
They were close. He could see the specks of gold in her green eyes and had never felt such a desperate need to touch her, hold her. He thought he heard her breath quicken before she cleared her throat.
“Well, how do dates usually end for Killian Jones?”
Her smirk wasn’t as bright as before, a hint of anxiety in her eyes and he wondered - hoped - she was jealous, as unrealistic as it was.
“In bed, either mine or theirs, as you well know,” Her unimpressed gaze lost its strength under the red hue of her cheeks. “Or did you want to know how I get them there?”
“Can’t blame a girl for being curious,” At his hesitation, she continued. “Afraid I can’t handle it?” She raised her eyebrow as she crossed her arms over his chest and he wanted to kiss that smirk off her lips. “Try me, Jones.”
“Alright, don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Killian smirked, taking a fortifying breath, not just as a need to focus but to hold on to his restraint. “I usually get really close and say,” He raised his hand to cup her cheek, his fingers in her hair while his thumb rubbed against her cheek, his eyes glancing between her widened eyes and her lips. “You owe me a second date, love,” He lowered his voice, invading her personal space as his thumb moved down to whisper over her parted bottom lip. “I spent the whole night distracted by your lips.”
He felt her shaky breath on the pad of his thumb as he kept his eyes on hers. The way her pupils widened to swallow the green. The way her chest rose and fell to accommodate her stuttered breathing. He felt his heart beat faster on his chest as a feel of desire ran down his body. Maybe he’s the one who can’t handle it.
Emma blinked rapidly, her eyes losing their dazed quality as she focused on the here and now. She pulled back, removing her face from his touch as he noticed how she had leaned towards him in response.
“Wow, that is good, I almost believed you.” She let out in a shaky laugh, turning around to grab the keys from her back to open the door to their flat. He is thankful for the opportunity to gather some control now that he’s away from her captivating gaze. “I can see that working.”
Should he tell her that, despite having done it many times before, it had never affected him as much as then?
“Well, it worked with you too,” he quipped, putting on his tried and true swagger as he followed her in. “It got me inside your place.”
Her surprised laughter lifts his spirits and has his smile widening. “Right, I mean you did say it would work!”
Killian winked, stuffing his hands in his pockets to stop him from touching her again. “What about you? Anything you do to get them in your room?”
“Well,” Emma started with a smirk, dropping his jacket on the couch and approaching him, causing his fists to clench in his pocket. “It’s all about the hands, right?”
Her eyes lock onto his as she places her hands on his chest. He’s sure she can feel his heart pounding against her palm. “And keeping my voice real low,” She whispers as her hands run up to his shoulders. “As I tell you that I enjoyed our date,” Her fingers whisper over the skin of his neck, a spark running down his body until it reaches his waist, before placing them at the back of his neck. He can feel her fingers play with his hair and her breath against his as she speaks. “And that I would love to go out again.”
The rope that had been holding him back the whole evening breaks as he eliminates the space between them to press his lips against hers, his hands coming out to rest on her hips. Her surprised gasp brings him back to reality, quickly pulling away from her.
“I’m sorry,” He whispers with matching wide eyes. “I don’t know what came over me.”
“Yeah, well,” Her voice is shaky and he hates himself for causing her such distress. “I think we let this fake date thing get to us a little bit.”
“I’m really sorry, Swan.” He breathes out.
“Don’t worry about it,” She waves away, running her hands through her hair. “We are just very good at this.”
“Aye.”
“Anyway, I really need to get out of these shoes so I’ll see you tomorrow?”
“Of course,” He nods quickly. “Have a good night.”
She backs away towards her room with a small smile. “I had a great time, Killian, thank you.”
“Me too,” He holds his breath until her door closes behind her. He lets it out in a rush, his hands coming up to rub at his face as a panic starts to rise in his chest.
He was in love with his best friend. That’s when true hell began.
Despite his realization, Killian decided to follow Emma’s lead. She didn’t bring up their ‘date’ and what happened after and neither did he. They carried on as normal for the next couple of months, as he carried on his role as her devout friend.
His date with Ariel only served to cement his feelings towards Emma. While a lovely and gorgeous girl, he missed the desire and affection that had been so natural when he had been with Emma. It made it all clearer. Especially when he couldn’t bring himself to bring her to his room.
So he ignored the way his heart beat faster in his chest whenever she drew near, whenever they touched. He forced down his desire to hold her a little tighter, touch her a little longer, kiss her, love her. He pushed it all down because she was his best friend and he would rather have her as a friend than not have her at all.
---
“God, this kid is killing me,” Emma groaned as she all but threw herself onto the couch. “How long until he’s out of me, again?”
“According to your very detailed calendar,” Killian grinned, looking at the calendar stuck to the fridge door. “About 13 weeks.”
“Who was the smart asshole who thought counting it in weeks would help?”
Killian laughed, watching as Emma pouted before shuffling on the couch trying to get comfortable. “Does 3 months sound like less time?”
Her displeased groan was his only answer and the following glare at his responding laugh had him extremely glad that she didn’t have magical powers.
“I’m sorry, love, will a foot rub help?”
Her assessing gaze had him brightening his already dazzling smile. She sighed and he counted it as a victory. “Damn you, Jones, you always know what to say.”
Killian winked. “It’s one of my many talents.”
“Yeah, yeah.” Emma rolled her eyes but her smile took all the heat away from it, specially as she shook her feet out of her slippers. “Just come here.”
Killian grinned as he sat on the coffee table, a pillow on his lap to accommodate her aching feet. He took hold of her ankles, carefully pulling her feet up to his lap. She sighed at the upright position and he waited for her to get comfortable once more.
“Ready?”
“Oh yeah,” Emma smiled in anticipation. “Dazzle me with your skills.”
Killian laughed before finally putting his hands on her feet. He had become accustomed to rubbing her feet after a long day, especially during the latest weeks as they began to hurt more and more. She had protested against it the first time he tried to offer, claiming that she didn’t need to be babied just because she was having one. After she relented, she had basically claimed him as her foot masseur.
He didn’t complain. It made him feel like he was helping, like he was part of it. Besides, he definitely wasn’t complaining at the sounds Emma makes during his foot rubs. Especially when she really got into it. The pillow on his lap wasn’t just for her comfort.
Killian focused on the plot of the coin documentary Mary Margaret made them watch as punishment for the disaster that was David’s bachelor party. Little did she know, it had actually helped him a lot in situations like this.
“Ow!”
Emma’s startled gasp of pain had him quickly pull his hands away from her feet.
“What happened? Did I hurt you?”
“No, no, you were doing great,” Her face scrunched up in pain as her hands roamed her belly and sides before settling at the front of her abdomen. “I just felt this sharp pain.”
“Maybe you should lie down.”
“Yeah, may- Ah!” He took hold of her ankles once more to put them back down as she tried to curl in pain. “Okay,” She winced in pain as she felt another sharp pain. “I’m kinda freaking out, Killian!”
“I’m sure it’s all going to be alright, Emma, but,” he continued as she opened her mouth to argue with him. “Why don’t we go to the hospital to get it checked out? I’ll text Neal on the way.”
Emma nodded quickly, taking hold of his hands to stand up from the couch, letting go to place them on her abdomen once more. “Oh god!”
“Emma,” he called, placing his hand under her chin to bring her eyes up to his. “It’s going to be alright, trust me.” Even with fearful eyes, she nodded, her trust in him comforting as he smiled. “Let’s go.”
She took his hand as he led her out of the flat, gripping it painfully as she gasped in pain.
“Bloody hell!”
“Same here, buddy.”
---
Killian wondered if it was possible to wear out tiled flooring with all the back and forth pacing he was doing in the hospital’s waiting room. Of course, all of that stopped mattering when the consultation room’s door opened to an annoyed but no longer in pain Emma.
“So?”
“She’s fine,” The doctor answered as she walked out behind Emma who couldn’t help her eye roll. In any other moment he would have smiled at that. “Those were just Braxton Hicks contractions, they are contractions in the uterine wall not unlike labor contractions.”
“Yeah, so fine is an understatement, don’t you think?”
Again, if looks could kill.
“So, everything is normal?” Killian directed at Doctor Lucas - according to her coat - hoping Emma would forgive him for ignoring her comment. “And the baby is fine?”
“Absolutely, it can be a very scary situation but they are both fine.”
“Thanks, doc.” Emma smiled, a thin smile but thankful nonetheless. Doctor Lucas gave them a final smile and a nod before returning to her office.
Emma sighed, placing her hands on Killian’s arms. “Thank you, Killian, I couldn’t have done this if you hadn’t been so calm.”
“Calm?!” He exclaimed, his hands gripping her wrists. “I have never been more scared in my whole life!”
“What?” Her mouth parted as her eyes widened in surprise. “But you said everything would be alright.”
“I’m not a doctor, Swan, I don’t know anything!”
“But we are fine, it’s all okay.”
His hands moved from her wrists to grasp onto her hands. “Are you sure?”
Her smile both calmed his racing heart and created a flutter in his belly. “Yeah, all good.”
Killian wrapped his arms around her tightly while minding the baby between them, feeling all his worries leave him as her fingers played with the hairs at the nape of his neck.
“Hey,” Neal’s voice interrupted their hug and Killian stuck his hands on his back pockets as he took Emma’s hands in his. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, it’s all okay.” She smiled reassuringly.
“Killian’s text said to come to the hospital, what happened?”
“Something called Braxton Hicks contractions.” Killian answered, with a deep breath as he fixed his hair.
“Oh, that’s a relief,” Neal’s shoulder dropped in relief as he ran his thumbs over Emma’s hands. “The books say most women don’t even feel them.”
“Alright,” Emma pulls her hands from Neal’s grip to place them on her hips. “No uterus, no opinion.”
Finally, Killian could smile at her glare, mostly because it wasn’t directed at him.
“What took you so long anyway?” Killian asked, hoping to distract Emma’s anger.
“I was having coffee with Tink,” Neal answered, before his eyes widened and he smacked his hand against his forehead. “Shit, she probably thinks I ditched her.”
“What? Why?”
“Well, I checked my messages while she went to the bathroom and didn’t even tell her.”
“She’s gonna kill you,” Killian laughed, stopping when he received a raised eyebrow glare from Emma. “I mean, I’m sure she’ll forgive you.”
“Oh,” Her eyes widened in realization. “I gotta go back in there.”
“Why? What’s wrong? Are you okay?” Neal asked in succession as he laid his hands on her arms. “Tell me.”
Emma sighed. “I forgot my underwear, okay? Chill.” She answered with a chuckle.
“Oh.”
“Yeah.” She rolled her eyes fondly when Neal let go of her arms to nervously scratch the side of his head. She shared an amused look with Killian before returning to the consultation room.
Neal cleared his throat, turning towards Killian. “Thanks for bringing her to the hospital, man. I really appreciate it.” He nodded, laying a hand on his shoulder.
“Don’t worry about it, mate, it was the least I could do.”
“I just wish it had been me,” Neal sighed, stuffing his hands in his pockets. “I mean, I’m the dad.”
It wasn’t easy to forget.
He opened his mouth to reassure his friend when Doctor Lucas came back out of her office. “I got you some information on Braxton Hicks, in case you have any questions,” She smiled politely, handing Killian the papers. “You did the right thing bringing her in, you’re going to make a wonderful father.”
And while Killian’s heart soared at the compliment, there was a weight bringing it back down to the reality of the situation. He glanced towards Neal’s hurt expression before smiling thinly at the doctor. “He’s the father, actually,” Killian corrected, taking the papers from her. “And he knows way more than me about this so I need all the help I can get, thanks.”
“Right, hmm, I’m sorry.”
“No need to worry, you didn’t know,” Neal waved away Doctor Lucas’ apology with a tight smile. “It was an honest mistake.”
As if he didn’t already feel bad enough.
---
“Are you sure you should be doing this?”
“Mary Margaret has been complaining about this door for weeks,” David grunted as he tried to force a screw to leave its place. “She’s going to love me when I fix it.”
“I’m all for helping you make your lady happy, mate,” Killian continued, ignoring David’s unamused glare by adjusting his grip on the door. “I’m just wondering if you’re the right man for the job.”
David stood up, placing his clenched fists on his waist. “Are you saying I’m not man enough to fix a creaky door?”
“Not at all,” Killian quickly answered, holding back his amusement. “You just don’t have the greatest track record when it comes to fixing things. Need I remind you-”
“Don’t even start with the TV incident.” David interrupted before returning to the task at hand.
“I’m just saying, you still owe me 200 dollars.”
“How’s that inappropriate crush on Emma going?” David asked, effectively making him forget about the time he ruined their TV.
The skin behind his ear was tingling and his hands were too busy to scratch at it. “Bloody fantastic,” he gritted out. Sometimes, he still regretted having confided in his best friend. “I just wish I could make all these feelings go away, wish it could all go back to normal.” David sent him a sympathetic gaze and he sighed. “I love having her around, helping out with the baby is amazing but I think Neal is having a hard time with all of this.”
“What do you mean?” David asked with a frown, both at the idea but also with effort.
“I think he feels left out,” Killian answered. “When I took Emma to the hospital, the doctor thought I was the father and the look on Neal’s face killed me.”
“It’s not your fault, though, what else were you going to do? You had to take her to the hospital.”
“Aye, but-”
“It’s not your fault,” David repeated insistently. “You’ve done nothing wrong.” He returned to the task at hand, his head tilting to the side and a smirk twitching at his lips. “Except for loving the woman carrying your best friend’s baby.”
“Right,” Killian said bitterly. “Thanks, mate.”
David stood up to his full height and turned to Killian, with a sympathetic expression. “I’m on your side, Killian, you know I am. This is just-”
“Complicated, I know.” Killian sighed.
---
“Check this out.” Emma grinned excitedly as Neal entered their flat.
With a careful motion, she placed a can of Coke on top of her round belly, keeping it balanced. She turned a bright grin towards the two men watching. Killian laughed with her unaware of Neal’s fainter laughter.
“She’s been doing that all day.” Killian teased.
Emma rolled her eyes at him, taking the can back from its resting place. “I should be allowed to have fun with this pregnancy.”
“Of course, love, amuse yourself.”
Emma smiled delightedly, putting down the can on the counter.
“Right,” Neal interrupted. “Emma, I brought you some lunch, I thought-”
“Oh, what is it?” Emma asked, excitedly taking the container from his hand.
“Your favorite.” There was a soft smile on his lips. “Onion rings.”
As Emma opened the container, she quickly pulled it away from her as one of her hands flew to her mouth. “God.” Her muffled groan was his only warning and Killian quickly flew in to grab the container from her hands before she turned and ran - as best she could - to the bathroom, slamming the door behind her.
“What happened?”
“She can’t eat onion rings anymore,” Killian explained, closing the container again with an apologetic smile towards his friend.
“B-But you love onion rings,” Neal spoke at the bathroom door.
“Not anymore!” Emma groaned out.
“I’m sorry, are you gonna be okay?”
“Yeah, yeah, I’ll be fine,” Emma coughed, her voice echoing. “Just make sure they’re gone when I come out.”
“Don’t worry, Swan, I’ll get rid of them.” Killian called out, throwing the container in the fridge.
“I can’t believe this,” Neal breathes out, running a harried hand through his hair. “I made her sick.”
“You didn’t know, mate, it could happen to anyone.”
“Not to you,” Neal pointed out. “You know this stuff and you’re not even the father. I should be more involved.”
“Right.”
They both turned to the bathroom when Emma came out, her hands holding her back.
“Onion rings, guys, this kid took onion rings from me,” she pouted.
Neal pressed his lips together in a small smile as he rubbed Emma’s arms. “It’s not long until he’s out here and I’ll give you a lifetime’s supply of onion rings.”
Emma grinned. “I’ll hold you to that.”
Despite the ache in his chest, he knew he had to come up with something to help them. He knew that it would hurt but they would be happy in the long run. And that’s all he wanted - for Emma to be happy. Even if it wasn’t with him.
Killian cleared his throat, catching their attention. “Can I talk to you two for a second?”
“Yeah, what’s up?” Emma asked with a concerned frown, even as she settled on the couch with Neal sitting at her side on the arm.
“I wanted to talk about us, the three of us.”
“Are you breaking up with us, dude?” Neal teased.
“You two should live together,” Killian said quickly, wanting to be done as fast as possible. “Because you live with me, I’m always here for the pregnancy stuff, Emma, and Neal is missing it and I know it upsets him.”
“Are you kicking me out?” Emma asked, her voice small as she looks at him with hurt in her eyes. He feels his heart breaking into a million pieces.
“No!” Killian quickly reassures, his hands in front of him. “I love living with you but,” He takes a deep breath. “If you’re going to have a roommate, it should be your baby’s father.”
“I mean, he has a point.” Neal agrees and Emma turns to him with a surprised look.
“Neal, are you sure this is a good idea?” She frowns. “It’s always been complicated between us.”
“I know but, he’s right, I hate missing out on all of this pregnancy stuff,” Neal sighs. “If we lived together, I could be there for you to help.��
“I don’t know…” Emma’s frown deepened as she glanced at Killian.
He had to cross his arms over his chest so that he wouldn’t reach out to her, beg her to ignore him and stay. Stay with him forever. But he couldn’t.
“We’ll give it a try,” Neal tries, his hand laying on her round belly. “For him.”
He watched as Emma pressed her lips together, not pleased with the argument but being convinced by it. Her hand rested over Neal’s and Killian had to look away, uncomfortable at the intimate scene, aching over Emma’s departure.
Neal would be a good father, he trusted that at least. They had bonded over the disappointing father figures in their lives when they first met so he knew he wouldn’t want to make the same mistakes as his father had made. But, despite his love for his friend, he didn’t fully trust him to not screw things up - he had betrayed Emma before.
But he wanted to give them a chance. To give the baby a chance at a family without a devilishly handsome bloke taking up space where he doesn’t belong.
“Okay,” She whispered before clearing her throat. “We’ll give it a try.”
“Great!” Neal grinned brilliantly, kissing Emma’s forehead before turning to pat Killian’s shoulder, almost too strongly. “That was a great idea, man.”
He really wished he didn’t have such great ideas.
---
Killian let the rum wash down his throat, enjoying the sting of it.
“Hey,” David greeted as he walked into the flat, receiving a head tilt as a response. “Emma all moved out? How are you taking it?”
“I’m doing brilliantly, mate,” Killian answered, a forced smile on his face as he leaned back on the couch. “I can drink rum again, I had to stop drinking because even just the smell made her sick, but since she’s not here…” He raised his glass in a salute before downing it. “I can make all the noise I want, bring back whoever I want, I could have sex in the living room!”
“Killian-”
“I can walk around naked,” He continued, standing up from the couch, gesturing wildly with his hands. “I can have an orgy in the house, I can scream, I can dance, I can do whatever I want!” He was almost manic as he all but threw his glass onto the coffee table. “I can rest easy knowing that I reunited a happy family. Maybe they’ll invite me to the wedding too, I can even officiate!”
“Dude, are you okay?”
“I’m a fucking hero, David,” he spat out. “I know that it was wrong to love her but I do. And I let her go because it’s the right thing to do, I lost my chance. If I ever even had one…It doesn’t matter. I’m better on my own, I can go back to my whorish ways and I can stay alone in this flat forever.”
“You’re not going to be alone.” David reassured him, approaching him.
“I will never love anyone like I love her, that much is true,” Killian sighed, burying his fingers in his hair and pulling on it to try and stop his tears. “I’ll go back to how it was before and I’ll be here to watch her be happy with someone else. And that will be fine because that’s all I want… for her to be happy.” He finished in a barely audible whisper.
David’s arms wrapped around him in an instant, his hand on the back of his head in that way that made everyone feel safe and loved. Killian returned his best friend’s hug, burying his face on his shoulder as he let his tears fall.
“You did the right thing, Killian,” David whispered, tightening his hold at Killian’s tearful scoff. “I know it hurts but I’m so proud of you. You’ll be okay and you won’t be alone, not while you have me.”
His arms wrapped tighter around David and he let the embrace tape all his broken pieces back together. He willed it to be enough.
second and final chapter posting tomorrow! hope you enjoyed!
#carolina writes#that one friends plotline#neal is a good guy in this one#just go with it#killian jones#captain hook#emma swan#captainswan#cs ff#ouat ff
16 notes
·
View notes
Text
no better comedy than the immoral villainous seemingly irredeemable cousin going from 'no one will love me i am a monster inside' to domestically raising kids with his sort-of-enemy maybe former-tortured-prisoner and the whole time he's STRICKEN with wtf is even happening are we in love? are we married? is this a ride to die?? can't even call this a speedrun bc the speed at which events had happened is so jarring it tore the fabric holding fragile realities together.
did they date? unsure, uncertain, no one is going to ASK they like their heads where those are thanks. does anyone know what's happening? not even these guys know and they're coparenting while yearning at pathetic ASTRONOMICAL levels. something something repressed guilt pride severe doubt and insecurity inferiority complexes. also one day you're torturing this guy and the next week he's taking your brother to school and folding your collective household laundry, there is not a set of vocabulary that can express how fast everything had been going and you're thinking 'this is why people stay in marriages bc the fall out is terrible, the paperwork the bureaucracy the courts the law the custody battles. not saying this will be me bc i chose to be shackled as love's slave but objectively this is some truly scary shit' and you're saying this as someone who ripped out tongues the other night
meanwhile the other guy is just too smug about it all. it is also possible that he may have orchestrated events so it seems all coincidental. sometimes a man gets tired of being gunned down at the ripe old age of 20-something and says fuck it i'll raise a teenager and a disgraced former heir of a criminal empire it'll be like my old job less blood more laundry. nobody checks in with him this much when he was doing a good job bodyguarding so now he thrives in bickering with his former captor in an ikea-renovated kitchen in the suburbs about how much spice is tolerable in a dish (mediocre cooking) while said captor is fretting over him in barely-repressed yearning and pathetic adoration. pete is too asian and polite to bring it up but sometimes he's like yeah this dude truly was swinging above his weight when he landed me. 'im the sucker that was baited by his pretty face. now i trap him in marriage and love. it's fair enough'
unstoppable force (one man's cringe and deep asian shame) vs immovable object (another man's equally asian grudge and paying even)
eventually vegas confronts pete about baby trapping him (the baby is macau) and pete saying no YOU DID that is YOUR baby YOU trapped ME so they keep this up for a while until macau interrupts like I TRAPPED BOTH OF YOU CAN YOU PLEASE GO MAKE OUT AND BE NORMAL.
IKEA renovated kitchen was inspired by this entire FIC please love and shower the author with flowers and rice. it finishes today i got the email notif and ducked out from work to read it in a corner i have normal feelings about god's creation
#kinnporsche cringe#vegaspete#vegas theerapanyakul#pete saengtham#kinnporsche#kinnporsche comedy#post series thoughts#macau pays the heavy price of living in this cringecom everyday#but it pays off when he gets to complain about it to tankhun#the real plot of season 2 is macau running away from vp to khun#P'KHUN GUESS WHAT HAPPENED#we love repressed mafia men who can't discuss their feelings#yes there were multiple confessions but will those be enough??? never#cringe and shame and doubt (vegas) vs appearing clueless and MARRIAGE TRAPPING (pete)#kinn himself couldn't think of a more deserving fate to vegas#porsche be like 'pete told me vegas is going to temple all the time'#kinn: he needs to pray for forgiveness for all those games he played bc rn games are playing him#the crux of this comedy is pete weaponising the asian shame against vegas ruthlessly#and vegas maybe letting him get away with it#then they fall in love bc they're both manipulative assholes who deserve each other#manipulative pete my beloved#pathetic vegas my blorbo#suffering macau bc hes a rich teenage boy he needs some character building
190 notes
·
View notes
Note
don’t watch good omens and i’m not planning to but i’m nosy: what’s coffee theory
IM SO GLAD YOU ASKED !!!!!! IM GOING TO TALK FOR A VERY LONG TIME NOW!! thank you so much nora welcome to my cave!! its homey in here. we talk about bbc prime video series good omens.
So for the Context: as im sure youve seen if youve ever glimpsed a gifset in the past week, Good Omens season 2 ends with a big tragic decision. Aziraphale meets with Metatron, a bigwig in heaven. Metatron tells him about how due to Plot Reasons, they need a new supreme archangel in heaven, and Aziraphale is the perfect fit for the role. Local demon best friend Crowley confesses his love and tells Aziraphale about how he wants them to run off together and leave heaven and hell behind, but Aziraphale is incredibly set on using a powerful position in heaven to do some real good. Crowley is offered the chance to join him, but Crowley stays on earth while Aziraphale goes up to superheaven. This causes the big tragic break-up between the two of them you've seen giffed one billion times.
Now onto the theory itself. The important thing to note about Aziraphale's conversation with Metatron is the, you guessed it, coffee!! Metatron, in human disguise, picks up a latte with almond syrup from the shop across from Aziraphale's place. Before he gives Aziraphale the job offer, Metatron gives him the coffee and insists he drink it in front of him.
The "Coffee Theory" is this: Metatron in some way (the method is disputed) spiked the coffee, and whatever was done to it affected Aziraphale's mindset in order to get him to leave behind Crowley. Some kind of a magic angelic brainwashing potion.
The theory sprung up for two reasons, the first being that the coffee is focused on a weird amount. Metatron asks Aziraphale to drink it in front of him, an entire scene is dedicated to it being purchased, it's a whole thing. The second, really big reason, is that people didn't think the ending of the season made sense. This is to say, Aziraphale choosing the bureaucracy of heaven over his best friend of 6000 years. Many claimed it was "out of character" for him, and thought another force might have been behind his actions.
So yeah, that's the coffee theory. It's been a biig source of debate in the fandom recently, and therefore many people still swear by it!!
But with the facts and logic presented, we may briefly enter the opinion zone! This is all my measly two cents. This being said however: I am not a coffee theory bitch!!!!!!!!
I am someone who grew up in a very shitty church, had a lot of my decisions influenced by it, and I think Aziraphale's actions made perfect sense!!! I think it was entirely in character! Aziraphale's entire character, as we've seen it throughout thousands of years, holds so much hope in heaven! Even if he sees himself as separate from it, it's clear he still thinks of heaven as a tool to do good, simply led by bad people. He doesn't see the inherent flaws in the system like Crowley and the audience do. I think it's a totally logical leap for his character dedicate himself to doing, what he thinks, is undeniable good through heaven! He thinks he can fix it, and that's worth leaving behind the person he loves most! That's incredibly strong character writing, and to chalk it up to a magic mind control potion and actually aziraphale wouldve totally left heaven if he wasn't drugged just. removes so much of that impact!!
#HI NORA!! SORRY ABOUT THE NOVEL OF A RESPONSE LMAO. I LOVE YOU#i love talking about things and characters and themes wahghghgh!!!!!#good omens#good omens spoilers#coffee theory#ive noticed many more coffee theory truthers on platforms like tiktok whilst tumblr users tend to lean more against it. interesting stuff!!#<- at least in my experience from what ive seen!!!! lord knows i dont use tiktok
20 notes
·
View notes
Text
I have been on feminizing HRT for one year.
I mean, as I write this, the anniversary is about 5 days away, but I'm queuing it for the exact day, so you will be reading this on my anniversary at the earliest.
I feel the need to say something either to inspire other trans women to go get HRT (seriously go to Planned Parenthood they'll just give you hormones, no referrals. it's great. the informed consent model really saved my life), or to document my changes for pseudo-scientific purposes (this isn't a valid scientific source or anything, I just like to be open about it for information's sake). Either way, uh, let's talk about it!
This post isn't going to be strictly not-safe-for-work or anything, but because anatomical topics are often seen as NSFW, I would read this as if it's a smutfic, if I were you.
Obviously the first big change that everyone thinks of is breast development. I'm not gonna lie to you here, it's not like I got D cups, but I started at the age of 19 so it's not going to be phenomenal for me either way. With that knowledge in mind, I'd say I made out pretty well. I don't know exact sizing or anything, but it's noticeable to the point where I actually have to go out of my way to hide them when I am trying to present as a man around people I can't be out to. I can tell you that I was wearing a padded bra to pass better at work when they hadn't grown yet, and I'm at the point now where they are naturally the size that the (relatively dismal) padding had made them. So that's gotta mean something. I still don't have a lot of the vocabulary that a cis woman would have to describe these things yet, so uh...that's all I can do for you, as a description.
The first change that I noticed, though, was actually within the first week or so, which almost makes me think I hallucinated it, but I remember distinctly being shocked that my skin was already way softer and clearer, which is bizarre! I don't actually remember what it felt like before, but obviously I did at the time, and it was rougher, I remember that much. Not the case anymore! It's such a small detail that it can very quickly fade from your memory entirely, and that's kind of inspiring to me, even though I know it won't work that way for everything else, it's just nice that some parts of my boyhood are just gone forever (as long as i stay on the hormones).
The big change that might discourage some women from getting hormones is genital shrinking. And as I understand it there aren't many ways to avoid that, because suppressing testosterone just has that effect on the male body, but based on my early experiences with the reduced sex drive that is also present when you suppress testosterone, ask for Progesterone when you get started, because it helps a lot, especially with some of the more socially-inconvenient aspects of your hormonal change. There are also some T-blockers that supposedly don't have this issue, like for example Bicalutamide, but if you're going to get Bicalutamide, you're going to be on the standard, "years of referral and bureaucracy" tract, so...y'know, don't hold your breath on that one, it'll take you a long time. I'm fine now though. About a month after I added progesterone to my treatment plan I was back to normal sex drive and everything was fine. Of course, what I mean to say is that the shrinkage has stopped because of the return of my sex drive. It doesn't work that way for everybody, and I thought for sure it wouldn't work that way for me, but if you end up being like me, you could probably minimize the collateral by just asking for prog outright instead of waiting like I did.
Smaller change that makes me infinitely less suicidal and demoralized: my body hair has changed colors! That should be enough of a reason for every transfem to go out and get HRT right now, I mean it! It's so relieving. I remember when I was, like, "Officially Trans" (at least at work) but not on HRT, I used to get distracted by how my arms looked, especially when I was sitting in the sunlight and it was obvious, because the darkness of the hair felt so disgustingly masculine to me that it made me think I had no hope of ever passing as feminine to anyone. And obviously that was wrong: I was able to pass as feminine without hiding my arms at least once or twice before HRT (though to be fair I did not try often). But regardless of that, the fact that I don't spiral into anxiety and self-loathing every time I'm in the sunlight without a coat on anymore is probably the best change so far, all things considered. And I grew tits! So that's saying something, I think.
This body-hair change doesn't apply to my beard in quite the same way. I always had a really good beard as a man and a lot of people liked it and thought it looked great (I did not shave often enough I looked terrible, but I did kinda make it work I guess), it was a deep orange-red color which has now brightened out to that vague off-white blonde, pseudo-translucent color that your smaller peach fuzz hairs have. There are a lot of upsides to that, but there are some limitations to the effects. For example, even though I don't have to worry about stubble as much, when I don't shave it's still fairly noticeable if you're looking. The texture also hasn't changed, it's still very coarse. And this is a source of some dysphoria for me personally, because I don't like that I have a beard at all. Nothing to be done about that, of course, and I sort of think that's a "for good" thing? Even if I had the money for hair removal procedures a lot of them only work if you are pale-skinned and dark-haired, just for physical reasons. At least, last I checked. And while I am very pale-skinned I am not dark-haired. And, well...that's fine, it's whatever. It's fine...I'll just shave forever i guess its cool...its...its whatever... no its fine really im fine. its okay. im fine.
its fine.
Another good contender for "best change so far" is the mental and emotional change. I feel feelings now. I haven't done that in a long time. And it's kind of a rough transition to make, actually, because now I'm reacting very emotionally to things and I really haven't figured out how to cope yet. It's like I'm doing everything that I was doing before but now it's not a performance, it's just an actual innate response and honestly, it's really hard to control. I guess I'll have to work that one out over time. But I would take "Emotional" over "Dead inside" any day. I wish I'd done this sooner, for that reason alone.
Fat redistribution is a bit hard to measure because I've never really had much fat in the first place, but my coworkers told me that I was developing a more feminine silhouette, and that was about a month ago, maybe two? So, I guess what I'm saying here is that you should probably get a friend to look you over every month or so if you're really worried about this change, so they can tell you that you've developed child-bearing hips or whatever else you're looking for. This fat redistribution is supposed to apply to your face as well, and that's something that makes you look more feminine when you've been on HRT for a long time, supposedly. I find it really hard to notice, personally, because I always had a really thin face. And since I wore a thick full beard throughout all of my adolescence, I don't actually know what my old facial structure was, that well. I do think it's gotten thinner. But for me personally, I think that's made me look a little worse. Ya win some, ya lose some. Bitches be ugly sometimes, that's fine. beauty is subjective. It probably won't work that way for most anyone else, it's just I always had femboy-face. Too bad about my beard really, I could've tapped into a market there if I weren't so fucking hairy...anyway what were we talking about?
On the subject of hair, something has been happening to me that is not supposed to be happening according to a lot of the research I did before I sought HRT out. I'm noticing that small patches of my beard aren't growing at all, especially on the sides. I've also noticed similar effects on my leg-hair. That is, 100%, not supposed to happen. As I understand it, based on all the information I could find, HRT cannot undo changes. It can cause changes that haven't happened yet, but once something grows in, no matter what it is, it usually can't go away naturally. I'm not complaining. And, transgender HRT is a very sparsely-researched field as of yet, so maybe this is just something we don't know about, or something about my body chemistry in particular, IDK. I'm not a doctor.
Anyway, that's it. That's my little HRT anniversary journal. If I'm still on tumblr on 7/22/24, I guess I'll do this again. But I have no idea where I'll be in a year.
I hope this is insightful for someone. And I hope that when I look back on this, I either cringe or I cry. Because that means I'm growing up still. (see, that line? that's the one i'll cringe at.)
22 notes
·
View notes
Text
Sometimes the most obvious questions are the best. In the case of the Conservatives, the most obvious question is so glaring that one wonders why Tory politicians don’t ask it ten-times a day before breakfast: why don’t they move to the centre?
The opinion polls are predicting a Tory rout on the scale of 1906, 1945 or 1997.
Surely in the interests of preserving the Conservatives as a fighting force the party must compromise to limit its losses to Labour. Here are a couple of compromises that occur to me. They make perfect political sense until you realise that conservatism has been so radicalised that compromise now feels like treason.
First, health. When we remember the suffering of the early 2020s, we will remember covid, of course.
But we will also remember the millions on NHS waiting lists, the elderly left for hours until ambulances arrive, the cancelled operations, the sick who would work if they could be treated but cannot find a doctor, the explosion in mental illness, the needlessly prolonged pain, the needlessly early deaths.
The Conservatives ought to be doing everything they can to improve the health service before polling day – out of a reptile-brain survival instinct if nothing else.
They will not do it because in British conservatism’s ever-diminishing circles health is not a concern.
The dominant Conservative factions want a right-wing policy offer of tax cuts and immigration controls. Not one of the party’s leaders has discussed how the increase in life expectancy means the demands on the NHS of an ever-larger pensioner population make tax cuts unaffordable. Nor have I heard honest discussion of how the need for foreign health and care workers to fill the gaps in provision makes immigration essential.
Rather than face up to the impossibility of Thatcherite economics in the 21st century they prefer to change the conversation and look the other way.
Let me offer a second example, which I think Brits will soon be obsessing about.
After years of delays Brexit Britain is finally imposing border checks on food imports from the European Union. Wholesalers and retailers predict that bureaucratic costs and the need for veterinary and phytosanitary checks will lead to continental producers deciding to sell their goods elsewhere. Price rises and food shortages will follow.
What kind of government in an election year, of all years, wants empty shelves?
A Conservative kind of government appears to be the answer. The sensible move would be for the Conservatives to follow Labour’s policy of striking a deal to stick to EU standards and ease bureaucracy at the border. That would mean the UK following European food regulations, as EU ambassadors have made clear.
But compared to dear food and empty shops, who the hell cares about that?
Tories care. Brexit is their King Charles head, their reason for being, their obsession.
David Frost, who negotiated the UK’s disastrous exit agreement with the EU, wrote an unintentionally revealing paragraph last week which encapsulated the ideological capture of British Conservatism.
“The Conservative Party owns Brexit. Whether ministers like it or not, or maybe even wish it hadn’t happened, it’s the central policy of the Party and the government. They must be prepared to defend and explain it – to show why it’s so important that Britain is a proper democracy once again. For if voters come to believe Brexit is failing, then the Conservative Party will inevitably fail too.”
There you have it. Brexit is the Conservative party and vice versa.
What a distance we have come! In 2016, a mere eight years ago, the Conservative party’s leader and most of its MPs supported the UK’s membership of the European Union. Eurosceptics posed as mild-mannered people. They promised that leaving the EU would not mean leaving the single market .
But then leave won the 2016 Brexit referendum and set us off on a spiral of radicalisation, which was instantly familiar to those of us who grew up on the left.
Here is how it worked on the left in the 20th century. You would be in a meeting where everyone agreed to a leftist policy: say that the government should encourage banks to give micro loans to poor people to keep them out of the hands of loan sharks.
Everything seems fine until an accusatory voice accuses all present of being sellouts because they do not believe in nationalising the banks,
Or today, after the great awokening, an academic department will propose reasonable measures to check that they are not unconsciously discriminating in their application process, only to be told that, if they were truly concerned with justice, they would decolonise the curriculum and purge it of “white” concepts such as truth and objectivity.
The near identical radicalisation of the right has been more serious because the right has real power.
Here is how its spiral into Tory Jacobinism went.
After winning the Brexit referendum in 2016, retaining the UK’s membership of the single market and the customs union suddenly became wholly unacceptable. They had to go.
As the ideological temperature rose, Theresa May’s attempts at compromise became sellouts, judges became enemies of the people, and the only acceptable way to leave became Frost and Johnson’s impoverishing hard Brexit.
We now have a new Tory ideology: “Brexitism.” It is a style of swaggering bravado and a bawling loud-mouthed way of doing business that goes far beyond the UK’s relations with the EU.
The catastrophic premiership of Liz Truss was “Brexitist”. She crashed the economy because she believed she was right to ignore the warnings of the Treasury, Bank of England and Office for Budget Responsibility.
What true Brexit supporter trusts experts, after all?
Brexit showed that you did not need them. All you needed was the will to impose a radical agenda and then the world would accommodate itself to your desires.
In retrospect, 2016 plays the same role for the radical right of 21th century Britain that 1917 played for the British radical left in the 20th. The fluke communist takeover of Russia in 1917 convinced hundreds of thousands over the decades that revolution could succeed in the UK, even though communism never stood a chance in this country.
The fluke leave win of 2016 has had an equally mystifying effect. Because radical right politics succeeded in one set of circumstances, its supporters assumed they would succeed in all circumstances.
Nowhere in right-wing discourse do you hear suggestions that the Conservative defeat might be softened if the government appealed to the majority of voters. Instead, the right says that the only way to save the right is for the right to move rightwards and become more rightly right wing.
Once again, the parallels with the communist movement to people of my age scream so loudly they are deafening.
To quote the weirdest example. A few weeks ago, an anonymous group of wealthy men calling themselves the Conservative Britain Alliance spent about £40,000 on opinion polling, and gave the results to the Daily Telegraph. They showed the Conservatives were heading for a landslide defeat, as so many polls do.
But the spin put on it by the Conservative Britain Alliance’s frontman Lord Frost (again!) was that the Tories must move to the right to attract Faragist voters, not to try to stem the growth of Labour support.
A further release from the anonymous group of wealthy men added to the impression of a right wing living in the land of make believe.
They produced findings that showed the Conservatives could win if Sunak were replaced by a hypothetical Tory leader. This imaginary figure was a political superhero who would be strong “on crime and migration” (naturally) but also had the superpower to “cut taxes and get NHS waiting lists down” at the same time.
Lower taxes and better public services all at once in a wonderful never never land.
My guess is that it will take three maybe four election defeats to batter the delusions of 2016 out of the Conservative party.
Perhaps no number of defeats will suffice, and Brexitism will be Toryism’s final delirium.
7 notes
·
View notes
Text
『 ↳✧･ﾟMaster Post;
This entire blog runs on a queue, so there is no queue tag! This blog is just aesthetic posts and FFXIV related content. I like to keep my queue very full for inspiration for my writing, (or procrastination from it maybe, haha) I also schedule posts of other peoples content into my queue completely arbitrarily! I enjoy reblogging the content of others with supportive tags, even if I don't know them from a bar of soap! Sharing creations is scary and hard sometimes, and I think everyone deserves a hype man personally! Most of my time on tumblr is spent browsing various tags for content to reblog. Once a week I go through a random selection of my mutuals' blogs and try check for content I missed to interact with in some way; like send an ask, signal boost something, or leave a friendly comment. And of course I reblog screens and writing too, in those cases I literally just throw in a random date and time! That's my whole system for keeping things active here even when I am busy with work/real life!
Obvs what that means is that this blog runs all the time even when I am not at the dash. If you send me a message, and I don't respond, please don't worry! I'll always try to get back to you within a couple of days! ♡
I've made this master post to help people find some relevant stuff amongst all the trees! (literally I guess because I reblog a lot of trees c': )
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
🗝Character Info
🗝Carrd
🗝 Tags
🗝 About
▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃▃
┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ┊
┊ ┊ ┊ ┊ ˚✩ ⋆｡˚ ✩
┊ ┊ ┊ ✫
┊ ┊ ︎✧
┊ ┊ ✯
┊ . ˚ ˚✩
• ───────────────── •
Character Info
• ───────────────── •
Ren
A Sharlayan trained arcanist and Studium graduate with a deep love for Hydaelyn's history and languages and a very tepid interest in the politics and bureaucracy of her homeland. Currently living as an expatriate in Eorzea, working as an archivist sorting out her uncle's private library located in Ul'dah. Ren enjoys a strong cup of dirty chai, long walks at midnight, stimulating intellectual conversations, papercrafts, weaving, old jewelry, and finger sandwiches. She dislikes her mother, politics and people who bend the spine of books.
Oli
A rather introverted, albeit well-traveled, herbalist and alchemist. A half-Hyur, originally from the South Shroud. Excellent with plants, with a sharp right hook when startled. Currently makes her living taking on odd alchemy jobs and running errands for her rich Sharlayan friends. Oli enjoys aromatic tea with a slice of Hannish lemon, sun showers, making perfume, talking to plants and baking pies with berries. She dislikes people who walk very slowly, jokes about her ears and impractical hats.
• ───────────────── •
Carrd
• ───────────────── •
• ───────────────── •
Tags
• ───────────────── •
#totw — thematic aesthetics for Ren and Oli
#cargo — aesthetic inspiration for current writing I'm working on involving additional characters/RPs I'm involved in with others
#asks and answers — OC asks and my answers, also some of the WoL/OC QotD posts by others that I've answered
#tag game — piccrew memes, uquiz and other such tag related shenanigans
• ───────────────── •
About
• ───────────────── •
This blog is purely aesthetics for my original writing set in the XIV universe and occasionally some RP related stuff. It also reblogs content created by others in the community.
I go by Elu most of the time in online spaces. I am in my late-thirties, happily married to this ⋆˙⟡♡ rad dude ♡⟡⋆˙ and the proud co-owner of a menagerie of cats. This blog collects inspo material for my original writing about my OCs on the Crystal DC, plus where I post screenshots I take of them, and very occasionally I might post some original writing too (but not very often tbh c': )
I try to stay pretty relaxed in online spaces, but due to past experiences on the web, I like to maintain my privacy. I am WCIF friendly for pretty much all of my mods I use except for the ones I cobble together myself (e.g. Oli's tattoos which are obviously not available because they're my frankenstein creation and I am not a modder c': )
I am open to some forms of RP and more information about the kind of RP i participate in is available in the info section of my carrd linked above.
However, two things worth mentioning:
1. I don't do any RP here on my tumblr.
2. I only RP in-game at events and venues for the purpose of connecting and meeting new people (especially those who might like to RP with me outside of the game.) I don't participate in in-game RP regularly because I'm unable to commit to long term in-game plots of any kind due to my timezone. As I'm located outside of North America, I am only available to RP on weekends in-game.
My focus is long form RP and in depth plots centered around adventure, intrigue, combat and morally grey situations and outcomes, plus they include a healthy dose of lorebending! So, it is not often appropriate for a teen or general rated setting such as within the game itself, and due to the long form stye and a focus on continuity, it is rarely accommodating to walk up styles of RP outside of the sort of pre-established scenarios that events and venues provide.
The majority of my RP is conducted via gdocs both for the convenience it provides me in my weird timezone, and as I am rarely interested in pro-longed casual and slice of life style RP. I am open to engaging in Discord RP via chat. I would prefer server-based RP for group related plots, but I am not currently aware of any discord servers dedicated to long form styles of RP. If you have a RP focused discord server where people actually do the roleplaying part and not just a hub for sharing advertisements for events and carrds, please feel free to drop me a link to it! I am always happy to use discord for the purposes of plotting and general conversation! I don't hand my handle out publicly, but if you would like to connect via Discord, please just shoot me a message or ask to chat about that!
I ship my OCs with my husband's OCs so they're unavailable for romance-style RP.
I prefer not to interact with minors.
I do tend to curate my online spaces very closely. If things someone posts cause me anxiety I am likely to block that person. It's not meant to be an offense, but I value my mental health and time away from work-related stress. Tumblr, writing and casual RP are relaxing hobbies for me and I don't want them to turn stressful. So, if you have been blocked by me, for whatever reason, please don't try and circumvent it.
My tumblr also does this weird thing lately where it puts the "follow" button back on blogs I am already following and when I click it I actually unfollow that blog. It is really frustrating and I do try to remember to double check, but sometimes I press the button like a monkey so if we were moots and you can still see this post, it means you're not blocked and that probably is what happened, please just shoot me a message/ask and I will rectify that! (many apologies in advance if it's happened too!)
I really don't enjoy interacting with 'diskhorse' of any sort here, be it fandom, political, cultural, or any sort of subject that is causing heated debate amongst people. There may be times I make an exception to this and something related to human rights may be posted to this blog, but it will be very rare. Please don't assume my lack of engagement with these subjects means I am uninformed about them, or my lack of comment about X means I support Y. It simply causes me a lot of anxiety to engage with those discussions in an online setting and if I have made an exception it is because I have decided the issue being discussed is an issue I can contribute something of value to besides my personal opinion and deserves reach beyond my personal circles.
Lastly, if you're a bigot of any sort, we just can't be friends. I don't want to list the whole sordid table of bigotry here, but regardless of my dislike for online political discussions I very firmly believe in personal freedoms, personal autonomy and personal respect. I don't want to associate with people whose values are focused on impeding other peoples rights to those three things.
I think that's just about everything that needs to be here for now!
22 notes
·
View notes
Note
I’ve been thinking a lot about a little ficlet you wrote, the one where special waits for copia backstage during a ritual. It mentions how spesh glows when he’s excited. I was wondering if you have any ideas/headcanons for the first time spesh did this, in general and around Copia? I can imagine he must’ve been quite confused at seeing his ghoulfriend light up like a christmas tree lol :•)
First off thank you for dumping a bucket of dopamine on my brain!!!!! I can't believe anyone thinks about my silly fics!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for the first time Copia saw him glow...
Copia grew up within the church. He had been raised there. Some said he was even born there, though this was not factual- he had been born elsewhere, and left at the narthex steps as an infant. But, yes. Copia essentially spent the entirety of his life in the church. At least until he turned 25. At age 25, he was granted permission to visit nearby towns to spread the word of the Dark Lord. He took advantage of these monthly trips, proselytising as ordered but also wandering around, purchasing music records. By 28 he had managed amassed an impressive collection of music- not just records, but cassette tapes and new compact discs as well, and a lovely record player he had taken ages to restore. He had little space to call his own but managed to keep it all safe in his dormitory room. After long days of doing mindless research or writing manifestos or sermons for Papa Nihil, Copia relished in putting a good record on and flopping onto his little bed, letting the music wash over his aching back and shoulders.
He was creeping close to 30 when he met the nameless ghoul called Special. Well, to be clear, he had seen the ghoul dozens of times. It was one of the many nameless ghouls that haunted the hallways or ceilings or catacombs of the church, but this one managed to stand out amongst the nearly identical, mouthless, humanoid gargoyles. For one, it's tail never stayed still. It wagged. It twitched. It would even occasionally curl into a question mark. No other ghoul acted so... lively.
The other way the Special ghoul stood out was in it's voice. All ghouls communicated telepathically, but their telepathy had the unfortunate tendency of activating the same parts of human brains that stir up intense fear and nausea, so ghouls rarely spoke to humans (in fact, it was widely believed that those who rose through the ranks within the church's bureaucracy were just people who could listen to ghouls without screaming or crying). But Special's voice was wrong. It spoke telepathically, sure, but for whatever reason, it's voice registered in the human brain as audible input. Having Special talk to you was like listening to a human. A babbling, obnoxious human. His voice would drift into Copia's mind sometimes, and it would be as though someone were walking by his office and talking.
So when the nameless ghoul called Special knocked on his door one night and asked to listen to the music- "I've actually been sitting outside your room for weeks now, just listening, trying to build up the courage to ask you if I could come in, because I know humans don't so much care for us ghouls being close, I've heard we smell, which is probably true, I mean, we are made of Hell itself after all, it's no bed of roses there," and on and on- Copia was only a little bit surprised.
Copia knew about ghouls only as much as Sister Imperator had deemed it necessary for him to know. He had been a child when she took him down to the lowest basement to show him the portal from which all ghouls emerged. He had held her hand tightly, afraid something would come up from the glassy darkness if he let go of her. She squeezed his little hand reassuringly and told him "the Dark Father does not send ghouls to us without a purpose for each of them, C. Every ghoul you see in this church was brought to us with a reason for it's existence woven into it's very being. Each ghoul stays connected to our plane of existence by tethering to an element- Fire, Water, Air, Earth, or Aether. Each serves a purpose."
And now he and a ghoul had become friends. It was not something that happened in the church. Imperator had expressed her concern and Copia, in a rare moment of standing up for himself, had replied "all ghouls are sent up for a reason. What if Him Below sent this one because I need a friend?" Imperator had started to retort but Copia fled back to his room, where Special had been listening to Pink Flloyd.
"Special," Copia gasped. He flopped onto his bed and the ghoul scrambled over to the bedside, tail twitching in concern.
"Whoa, what's happened?"
"I talked back to Sister Imperator."
Special tilted his head, bird-like. "And?"
Copia looked at the ghoul with a mix of emotions.
Special continued, "aren't you, like, a hundred years old? Isn't that an adult? You can talk back to your mom at this age, I am sure."
Copia smiled a tiny bit. "I'm not a hundred, Spesh."
The ghoul's tail wagged. Copia sat up on his bed and sighed, then looked at the tail threatening to wear a patch in his rug. He looked at Special's featureless face. "What's that about," he asked, gesturing to the tail.
"You called me 'Spesh.' I get called Special almost all of the time when I am called something, but just now, you called me a new name."
Copia shrugged. "It's just short for 'Special,' not that big of a deal."
Then Copia noticed fine cracks appearing in the ghoul's dull grey scale-like skin. He backed up on his bed until his back hit the wall. "Fuck, what happened? Did I break you?"
Special looked at his arms, then his torso, then his legs, and laughed. "Oh, no! No, this is-" He gestured with a talon as though trying to pull the tight words from the air.
"I'm happy."
Special seemed to emit a honeyed glow from the cracks, as though his body was composed of burning embers. Copia stared, wide-eyed, and slid off his bed to sit beside the ghoul. He touched the ghoul's arm, amazed at the gentle heat radiating off it.
"This is the purest expression of Fire Ghoul happiness," Special said softly, shyly. "It equates, I think, most to human joy. Or love."
Copia and Special sat quietly together until the embers died down and vanished. And then Copia did something never before seen in the church.
He leaned in and hugged the ghoul.
Special startled but hugged the human back.
"Thank you for being here," Copia whispered. "Thank you for finding me, Spesh."
Special had no mouth but somehow smiled.
"No problem, uhhh, 'Cope.'"
16 notes
·
View notes
Note
hello..! I noticed you reblogging ayato itto gorou thoma content and literally just this week I have started to obsess over ayaitto (as a relationship generally, not necessarily romantic but not excluding romance either) so I was wondering if you have headcanons or other thoughts about it?? just an open prompt for you to ramble if the fancy strikes you, but if you don't have anything to say that's cool too, either way thank you for putting them on my dash in this time of obsession ^u^
Okay I know this is such a late response but this has been sitting in my ask box for ages and occasionally triggering small bouts of brainrot in me so I just really need to try and get it all out aha! Sorry if your AyaItto obsession is over already </3 I tried my best
I genuinely adored seeing art of that poly ship, it made my heart so happy! Though AyaItto isn’t my Go To Ship for either of them I think it’s genuinely such a fun idea and so I figured I’d toss some headcanons out there :D
Some rambles below the cut!
So like… their dynamic in canon fascinates me, the fact that Itto, through whatever shenanigans, has no idea who Ayato is, and Ayato seems to have no desire to tell him, so their relationship is pretty relaxed.
I’d imagine Ayato kind of lets loose a little when he’s with Itto, allowing himself to relax and indulge in ‘frivolous’ things that he doesn’t get the chance to when he’s around others. Thoma and Ayaka aren’t aware of their friendship (at least at first), and Ayato often finds himself sneaking out to go and see his silly oni friend.
Though Ayato finds Itto’s escapades downright ridiculous, he may find that this big goofy teddy bear has just managed to rope him into some harebrained scheme that could get them both into a fair bit of trouble. Though he’d never admit it, Ayato loves the thrill that he gets from letting go of the high expectations set for him and just letting himself be a bit silly.
Itto isn’t really someone who cares about rankings and the like. Everyone is equal to him, and the fact that Ayato puts up with his shenanigans and continues to come back, even offering him advice or encouraging words, means that he quickly comes to consider Ayato one of his best bros.
This isn’t to say that Itto doesn’t get influenced by Ayato in return, though. Sometimes Ayato’s lecturing actually sinks in and Itto will sometimes act unexpectedly refined or well-mannered in situations where it truly matters. Though Ayato definitely also teaches him some tips and tricks he’s picked up over the years spent dealing with the bureaucracy. Not that Itto uses them for anything other than juvenile pranks and talking his way out of trouble, but the fact still stands.
They often have beetle fights together, and play rounds of Genius Invocation. While Ayato is a master at the card game and trounces Itto handily every single time, he seems to have a knack for picking out beetles that are a little less inclined to engaging in combat, meaning that he’s one of the few people that Itto can actually beat in a beetle fight, and boy that oni will never let him forget it! No, Ayato doesn’t pick out the piddly looking beetles on purpose, why would you even ask something like that?! How absurd.
Itto finds Ayato really funny and entertaining to be around, and Ayato finds Itto to be somewhat soothing and relaxing to be around, despite his boisterous attitude and loudness. He likes seeing the stark differences in their lifestyles, and may even occasionally find a way to swoop in behind the scenes and save Itto from an ill-timed arrest or something along those lines!
They’d have a really interesting dynamic together I think, and I feel like it’s something I’d love to explore in writing some time!
Please don't repost, steal, copy or otherwise plagarise my writing! This includes posting translations to other sites.
#general howls#ayato#itto#kamisato ayato#arataki itto#ayaitto#ayato x itto#ayato itto#writing#my writing#genshin headcanons#genshin impact
33 notes
·
View notes
Text
Oh my god I'm going to lose my mind.
Back in Fall of 2017, I auditioned for a local professional choir. I got in, I joined up, yippee. I did the fall/winter season and then returned for the spring season, and it was fun. I did choir my entire life growing up, audition/honor choir 12-18, and musical theater in college. I had missed singing with other people a lot, and it seemed like a good opportunity to be social and get to sing in a group. I even got a few solos; good times.
Fast forward to Fall of 2018. I return for the fall/winter season. Shit is hitting the fan with my grandmother and that whole situation. My mental health is in the gutter. My self esteem tanked out entirely. I was barely making it through.
Then the conductor starts introducing "choreography" and I tried, I really did, but I ended up leaving rehearsals (repeatedly) in tears because I was so embarrassed. Finally I hit a breaking point and went "I can't do this anymore, I need to get myself together". So I made my apologies, notified the proper people, and withdrew from the choir.
Thought about going back in 2019... didn't. Then COVID hit, and things went virtual for 2+ years. I wasn't interested. Then my mom got hurt, and I have essentially been a caretaker since then. My time was not my own.
The choir started meeting in person again this January. I missed singing. I missed the people. I rejoined. Six weeks later, my uncle got sick and died very suddenly. It was extremely traumatic for my family. I became overwhelmed emotionally and in regards to time management. When it became clear I was going to miss more than three rehearsals, I made my apologies and withdrew from the choir, but always with the intention to return for the Fall season. This is something I made explicitly clear to the conductor, the manager, and the staff as a whole.
Then in August, my grandmother died very suddenly. Far less emotional fallout, but my time was-- once again-- not my own. I had no idea what dates or deadlines we'd be dealing with, what all needed to be done, etc. but I knew we would have to clean out their apartment, move my grandfather in with family, and handle all of the post-death bureaucracy.
The choir season started; I did not join.
One week later, everything wound up resolved and wrapped up and I realized I really miss choir and will be able to make rehearsals, at least September - December... so I send a message to the conductor asking if it's alright that I return.
No response.
I messaged a friend who is in the choir and she told me to just come to rehearsal (something that is done all the time). I notified the manager and relevant staff, filled out the paperwork, and went to rehearsal.
I had the most fun I've had in weeks.
People were excited to see me, and I them. The music for this season is gorgeous and it felt good to remember that I can look at music and know how it reads and how to perform it. It felt good to remember another language I speak outside of writing alone in my room: music.
I went out for drinks after with one of my closer friends in the group and we chatted for hours. I made plans to hang out with a few others, and I got excited about the prospect of the retreat this weekend, spending a whole day working on music in a beautiful building instead of the usual pre-birthday sobbing alone in my room for three straight days.
And then the conductor emailed me.
I am certain I'm reading too much into it, but it basically said, "You're a flake and I want you to think long and hard about the commitment you're willing to make to this choir."
And she CC'd the new head of the organization, a woman who has never met or spoken to me.
All the good feelings instantly vanished. I'm sad and frustrated and angry. I waited a while, and cried a lot. I drafted a few different replies.
I finally returned her email (and CC'd the same person so she'd see my reply as well). I politely but pointedly said "I had two deaths in the family this year unexpectedly, which changed my schedule dramatically in a way that was out of my hands. I did ask your permission to come back, but since you didn't reply I figured it was better not to miss another rehearsal than to wait on an answer. Let me know what you want me to do. If it's preferable I'll just return the music ASAP and remove myself from the roster."
I'm not going to the retreat on Saturday. I'm convinced I made up all of the positive reactions to my presence in my head and now am wondering if people asked her to try to get me to leave because they probably don't like me, anyway.
I'm reviewing and overthinking every interaction I had, and I keep coming back to standing in a group of a few of us, looking for an excuse to go out to dinner or karaoke, and one of them saying, "Well my birthday is October 3rd."
I said, "And mine is September 24th!" (which is stupid and I should not have said anything and I hate that I said anything at all).
And then they just continued, "Oh, yeah let's go out for (other girl's) birthday!" and that was that.
And I do not like my birthday. I do not want to do anything for my birthday. It's already miserable and it hasn't even come yet. But now, of course, in my head it's like, "No shit, Sherlock. No one gives a fuck about you or your birthday, just keep your fucking mouth shut, idiot."
When the conductor finally replied to my email, she basically just said that they expect singers to commit September - June, and not much else. I feel like I'm out of ways to say, "I can give you September - December, but I can't promise anything past that. If that's not ok, please tell me now."
I just want her to tell me, because if *I* make the decision to leave based on what she's saying, I'll look like I'm proving her right and flaking out. But if she tells me, hey, sorry, that's not gonna work then I can at least be like, "Oh, there were logistical issues."
So now I'm just stuck in this spiral of: no one likes you, no one wants you around, everyone thinks you're unreliable and a bad friend and annoying, just shut the fuck up and go away and for the love of god stop trying.
11 notes
·
View notes
Note
I'd love to hear your theories about Lurien's personality and his relationship with the king ^^
Hello hello! Thank you for the ask and so sorry for the late reply (have had a chaotic few weeks)!
Oh boy oh boy! I get to talk about Lurien and my headcanons! 🤩
Quick warning that one of the pics I drew below might be off putting to some since it has some eyes in it. Please do ask to tag if necessary!
I'll put my ramble below the cut (It's long!)
Aside from being the grumpy alcoholic I depict him as, I like to think he's one of those people (bugs? you get what I mean) that doesn't usually say much but commands a lot of respect whereever he is. When he does have something to say, he rarely sugarcoats it and will often be rather blunt about it, unless he decides more tact is necessary for the situation.
Since I partially based my gijinka/human design for him off Sherlock Holmes (mostly the Inverness cape he wears), I usually headcanon him as having the Sherlock-like obsevation skills and the unsociable personality that comes with it 😆On top of this, I headcanon his bug-self to be a dragonfly! One of the things that entrances me about them is that they're said to have really good vision. This video (tw: bugs) that i watched shows someone firing a pea past a dragonfly, looking at it in slow motion, the dragonfly is show to move it's head to look at the flying pea, decides "nah, this isn't worth my time" and then goes back to what it was doing. So, I like to think Lurien has a similar attitude during most interactions, though he is not oblivious to how he may come off to others, he simply doesn't care.
He isn't grumpy without reason though. I headcanon him being something akin to Head of Secret Service and a key advisor to the Pale King (PK) and his court so he is a very busy man!
I think he genuinely cares about the kingdom and it's people, having clawed his way from the bottom rungs of society to his current position. He wants to make the world a better place but has found that even in his station/role as the Watcher, fierce politics and bureaucracy have prevented him from making many of the changes he originally aspired to make - one of the many reasons he drinks and smokes heavily. He does do what he can to help out though and I imagine him to be the kind of person who anonymously makes generous donations to the city's struggling orphanages and hospitals.
Another theory I have is that he's a very politically savvy person and isn't afraid to get his hands dirty get the job done, only resorting to more ruthless methods once all peaceful alternatives have been exhausted and it's clear to him there is absolutely no other option and/or an innocent life is in danger. He has a disdain for people who abuse their positions and power but can and will efficiently beat them at their own game if he is pushed to do so.
It's a different story if they decide to make it personal, however.
On a more positive side of headcanons for his personality, I enjoy the idea that loyalty is one of his strongest traits. He is loyal to PK, Hallownest and whichever handful of individuals he'd count as his close friends. He's the kind of friend who will always stands by you, and move heaven and earth for you. But he would also tell you to your face if he thinks you're being an asshole and/or a shitty friend. He's a powerful ally and a formidable enemy.
That being said, although Monomon and Herrah are his best friends, he'd probably sooner throw himself off the top of his spire than straight up telling them that he cares about them (not that they don't already know).
Regarding his relationship with PK: I'll preface this with a short lalala that I think of PK as a somewhat self-righteous ruler, having installed himself as the king of Hallownest and having this cult of personality thing around himself (like, there were idols of him, his symbol is everywhere, everyone reveres him as the beloved king, that weird text on the fountain in Ancient Basin that basically said "give the King all your money", being described as King and Creator etc.). He's a powerful being, god and king and he knows it.
Earlier I mentioned that Lurien doesn't hold back when speaking his mind and PK is no exception to this. Contrary to the "uwu my king <3" bootlicker personality I see most people give him, I find it fun to think that although he acknowledges PK's god status (where his cut dialogue seems to imply that he has witnessed PK's true form) he simply… doesn't care.
The best way I can describe it is that he saw PK's true form and went "Ok great, you're a god. Nice to know. Now will you do your job and be a ruler? No, it's not the same - you're thinking like a god, you have to be a king. FOR FUCK'S SAKE MUST I DO EVERYTHING MYSELF?! Oh yeah? You want total obedience? Then go ahead and smite me. Use your light to instill total love for you. WHY NOT? Make an example of me and everyone will fall in line. DO IT." followed by torrents of swear words as he walks away and PK has blasted a nearby wall.
In short, Lurien would be one of a few people who can (and will) say "No" to PK and still walk away with his head attached to his shoulders. PK has the benefit of godhood - if something bad happens, PK couuld simply smite it, abandon Hallownest and/or create a new kingdom and he wouldn't have to think about it again. Lurien isn't immortal or a god and thus, approaches and understands problems in a way that an immortal god might not.
He's not completely cynical and does place a lot of faith in PK and vice versa but their long time friendship/relationship/acquaintance is shadowed by the knowledge that if PK didn't have his god-like status and powers, it would be people like Lurien who would be in power.
I personally do not romantically ship PK and Lurien (but I don't mind if others do) since I think of their relationship as very close with lots of trust but has major issues such as major power imbalance, clashing values and attiudes to list a few things.
I also headcanon Lurien as not being interested in romance (or the other thing) so any attempts to court him even after he's tried to explain and let the interested party down peacefully would simply result in
Ahaha wow that was a lot (my English Literature teacher wishes I could write this much about anything).
If you read all that, thank you! I have been wanted to talk about stuff like this for a while but have always been to awkward. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to do so!
I hope you have a lovely day! 🥃
#ask#mostlydeadallday#hollow knight#lurien the watcher#hk gijinka#long post#tw: eye horror#<- don't know what the right tag is#please let me know!
78 notes
·
View notes
Last Seen Blogs
gotta-stitch-em-all
Gotta Stitch ‘Em All
kaellecappuccino
Kaelle Cappuccino
fuckyeahpipesofpan
Pipes of Pan
bri-anne-not-neville
anne-not-neville
encherchantlabeaute
En Cherchant La Beaute