#this work week kay is kind of fucked but! we'll deal with it!

[girlfriendsofthegalaxy]

tuesday again 2/1/22

it sure did snew and friz ! also ANOTHER recipe! what the fuck is this series becoming!

listening the wolfenstein sountracks are shockingly good? these are games i am never going to play bc i do not love shooters, but they’ve been getting me through an incredibly miserable work week. this one is probably part of a cutscene or heavily scripted sequence somewhere bc it is essentially two different pieces lightly spliced together. this starts HITTING at about three minutes. also ohohohoho we love a punny title

firing off a double-song week VERY early in the year bc i am more and more charmed each time i listen to it. chaise longue by wet leg, indie rock by way of sung-spoken verses, killer bridge. i think this song is going to be fucking everywhere this summer and honestly good for them it’s very fun

Is your muffin buttered? Would you like us to assign someone to butter your muffin?

...

Is your mother worried? Would you like us to assign someone to worry your mother?

reading The Thousand Crimes of Ming Tsu by Tom Lin

while i was reading this i thought “huh! it’s funky that there are way more revisionist western movies than novels,” but this NYT interview with Lin namedrops a bunch so i guess that’s what i’ll be reading for a while. anyway, let’s just yoink the little brown & co description bc it’s serviceable

Orphaned young, Ming Tsu, the son of Chinese immigrants, is raised by the notorious leader of a California crime syndicate, who trains him to be his deadly enforcer. But when Ming falls in love with Ada, the daughter of a powerful railroad magnate, and the two elope, he seizes the opportunity to escape to a different life. Soon after, in a violent raid, the tycoon’s henchmen kidnap Ada and conscript Ming into service for the Central Pacific Railroad.

love the premise! a take on a western i haven’t seen before! i guess it is technically “own voices” but not in the queer/disability way i usually see it deployed? it is very mccarthy at points.

i have a lot of things that bug me about the structure and execution. it has a lot of debut novel wonky execution problems. the way the author writes women leaves a lot to be desired. a lot of desert/sea/the earth remembers philosophical monologues that don’t really go anywhere or serve the narrative in really any way whatsoever but do serve to heighten the dreamlike quality of the thing. it’s not fractured, it’s definitely one whole narrative, but boundaries between sections are blurry if that makes sense?

rot13 spoilers, more about cycles: gur jubyr shpxva guvat nobhg plpyrf bs frn/qrfreg naq gur ynaq erzrzorevat znxrf zr jbaqre vs yva jnagrq gb qenj n zber qverpg cnenyyry orgjrra gung naq gur plpyrf bs ivbyrapr zvat gfh vf erperngvat sbe uvf bja fba? v jbhyq nyfb unir rkcrpgrq n terngre rzcunfvf ba "jryy guvf vf gur ynaq naq ubj vg vf naq guvf vf uhzna angher naq ubj lbh ner, pna'g ernyyl punatr gung" RKPRCG zvat gfh qbrf fubj n ybg bs xvaqarff gb frireny crbcyr ur srryf obhaq gb ol pvephzfgnapr be angvbanyvgl, rira vs ur vf rkgerzryl hc uvf bja nff zbfg bs gur gvzr. guvf cbffvoyr plpyvpny cnenyyry vf abg zragvbarq va nal erivrj v pbhyq svaq fb znlor v zlfrys nz hc zl bja nff n yvggyr 

it’s somewhere between magical realism and weird west. like magic is absolutely real and we see a bunch of it, but because our main character isn’t particularly interested in it we don’t get much explanation? i feel like if you introduce magic into a story your readers are going to be interested, bc this is the thing that sets your book apart from other westerns? but it’s inconsistently applied and inconsistently seen in a way that isn’t in a fractured dreamlike everyone-operating-on-home-country rules as ive seen before, it’s just inconsistent in a sometimes frustrating manner. the ending hit really hard and was then undone by the epilogue. so it goes. i am interested in whatever he writes next

watching i really hate how letterboxd has gotten me watching more movies, bc it’s much easier to scroll through posters and pick a Vibe than it is to go down the horrible little google keep note with all the movies and shows i want to watch. anyway this is how i pitched my favorite movie i watched last week to a beloved discord

in the event we feel like having another movie night may i submit Return of Sabata (1971, dir. Parolini) for consideration? i feel like we (tumblr users) overuse the words "insane" and "unhinged" but this movie starts with lee van cleef in the circus and just gets wilder from there? he is here with SO many gadgets and tricks to cause problems on purpose. there's a bit where he gets everyone in a room and explains the murder mystery this movie is BANANAS im genuinely obsessed with it  

this one has a fucking banger of a opening scene- it’s very tense! it’s very dark! there are Gadgets! it truly does only get wilder from there!! lvc looks like he is having fun the entire time but also very obviously does not do any of his own stunts. perfect film.

this is already a frightfully long post and im positive i’m going to continue to be insane about this movie BUT!!! also some of the best non-morricone music i’ve heard in a western!

playing dicking around with phone games mostly, forgot i loved those little logic puzzle chart things and also forgot the fucking dire state of ads in free mobile games. one every two minutes. i timed it.

making QUICHE, mostly bc we all got groceries last week pre-blizzard, forgot we all already had eggs, and we had a bit of an Egg Situation in the fridge.

used this crust recipe (but with butter that was literally straight out of the freezer bc i had the advantage of my housemate’s gigantic fancy food processor) it was VERY good bc it’s like half butter but i deffo should have blindbaked it beforehand, the layer of cheese on the bottom of the quiche made it a touch soggy

used this broccoli quiche recipe sort of kind of not really, bc this was more of a “cleaning out the fridge” quiche than things i bought on purpose? should have cooked more of the water out of the broccoli and a very sad handful of wilted basil but hey! it was delicious! my housemates really liked it! it was basically all we ate for a day and a half! we also used up a ton of the smoked salmon we also needed to use up!

FUCK i miss a good everything bagel with like half an inch of cream cheese, plus capers and a quarter inch of lox. the only good use case for capers

anyway here’s the big momma quiche bc i only have one normal sized pie pan (yes it did cook all the way through), i said the phrase “she got that deep dish chicago pussy” and my housemates threatened to vote me out of the house (which isn’t how it fucking works, you fools, i am the primary lease holder) but they were right and correct to reply with that

#this is a long one bc i did absolutely none of the things i intended to do this weekend #just curled up consuming cowboy media #this work week kay is kind of fucked but! we'll deal with it! #tuesday again #tuesday again no problem

[vhanities]

Richard Vamir died almost a month ago and Clair still hadn't moved on.

     It was not entirely visible. You could only see it if you looked closely at the cracks, at the locker left untouched in the dormitory or the seat assigned to him in Moore's Design Strategy classes. And, if you dug deeper, you could see it in the idle chair sitting by the window in Samaira Sheikh's dormitory―the chair that had, in a sense,belonged to Richard. It was empty in a way that made it look like Samaira was almost expecting him to come back, talk about his day and sit down on the plush purple velvet covers to look out of the window while she sat on her desk completing the rest of her pre-mid projects in silence. It was like they were all expecting him to come back and quote pretentious poems, like they were all living their lives wasting every moment in memories.

     All except one.

     Han Kai Tuo had been the first one to arrive at the roof after getting the ominous message from Richard and he knew more than what was just there. He refused to believe Richard committed suicide, contrary to the popular belief among the townsfolk, and today was no exception. He sat on the edge of Samaira's bed, glaring at the white bedspread with lilac undertones. "This isn't right," he said, after a while.

     Dante, who was sprawled on the faux purple fur carpet playing catch all by himself, glanced up. "Kai―" he said with a tired sigh, "―let's just forget that happened okay. Please."

     Kai could not. He could not forget what had happened, he could not unsee it. It was engraved in his brain; branded on his skin. He knew Richard hadn't committed suicide, they all did―but saying even one word of it, just a word, would make them all the prime suspects, no matter what their alibis said.

     "We saw him, he was right there―"

     "Kai!" Samaira, who had been sitting on the desk quietly for a while, slapped the top hard enough for it to resound across the room. "Shut up. Shut up. We saw nothing. We came after he left."

     Kai opened his mouth to retort and shut it back, deciding to lie down on his back instead. He was still wearing his shoes, so he just lay there awkwardly with his feet on the ground and eyes on the whites of the ceiling while his mind floated somewhere else. That day when they'd reached the roof, they weren't alone. There was a man. Black hoodie. Black mask. He'd pushed Richard off. He'd sent them the text. He was the one who'd killed Richard. Kai's jaw flexed and tightened and he sat up again.

     "This isn't right," he repeated.

     "Well damn Sherlock," Dante said. "What do you want to do, then? Tell the police? We've kept quiet about it for a month and we are of legal age. We'll be doomed."

     "We need to do something, we can't just stay here wallowing knowing that our friend was murdered!"

     The silence that followed was terrible. Kai's head ached, and he felt clammy underneath his yellow hoodie. The floor-length mirror in the room's corner made the bags under his eyes look weary and tired and the small silver ear piercings look unnecessary. He ran a hand through the messy black strands of his hair and turned to look at Samaira.

     "You are the sensible one. Do you think this is right?"

     Samaira turned to face them after five hours of ignoring their existence. The look she gave him was tired, it made something inside him drop. They had all been so close and now there was nothing they could manage to tell each other, nothing they could manage to say. They were all dealing with Richard's death in different ways; Filippa had started smoking again and Dante quit the Basketball team, Samaira worked herself to the bone and Kai? He was just hanging in there, not fully there to the conclusion but enough to feel the empty worry in his heart.

     He hated feeling helpless. And he hated the words that came out of Samaira's mouth next. "Kai, go back. Take a break. Just, go cool off somewhere."

     For a minute, he said nothing. Then the anger came bubbling out. He stood up and walked to the door silently, ignoring Dante's quiet refusal. When he got out, he made sure to bang the door as loudly as he could despite horrible pain of protest shooting up his palms in the process. (He'd hurt himself last week and still didn't know how.)

     "Goddamn my life―" he yelled, "Goddamn everything―"

     Someone coughed. Tension shot up his spine. This was the Girl's Dorm and he, a boy, had just caused a scene. He looked up to find half-dressed girls in pajamas and turned away instantly. His insides turned to melted nothings and his eyes scrammed for another pace to latch on to. The board, he thought. Look at the notice board.

     "I'm sorry," someone giggled. "But you should probably leave."

     He probably should.

     Kai apologized under his breath and tried to navigate past the corridor to the staircases without raising his eyes. Almost tripping on a few bottles of only God knew what, he made it to the stairwell and plopped against the opening. The girl's dorm and the boy's dorm of students majoring in Fashion were located in the same stretch of suburban apartment buildings. At least he thought they were suburban apartment buildings. Eight stories high and painted in funky blues and greens with random graffiti on every nook and corner outside while decorating the interior with rouge bricks and black plastic for an industrial look, the house dormitories were made to hold about five hundred students. Each flat was just a large bedroom with two beds, two desks and a kitchenette―not like home but just enough to be one.

     The boy's side was separated from the girl's one by nothing but a small lobby on the first floor and a wall made above it to divide it from the other.

          "Throw a tantrum somewhere else, you little bitch."

     Kai turned to find Dante strolling down the set of stairs taking two at a time. His hands were shoved inside the pocket of his grey pyjamas and the oversized grey hoodie hid the fair tuft of his hair. He looked like shit but still managed to look good at it. Kai bit a smile threatening to let loose and forced himself to look away.

     "Look, if you're here to tell me to get over―"

     "I'm not, idiot," Dante smiled. "Let's get some bread."

     "It's five in the evening."

     "So what?"

     Dante moved forward and Kai followed him, a heavy hole in his chest sewing itself shut in a place where it could hurt only him. They were outside in five seconds, nodding at Manuel who was dozing off by the receiver's desk. The campus was crowded with students; the sky was light―he wasn't sure what they called it but it was in the lightest shade of orange. Sunlight leaked in through little crevices between the artsy buildings around the boulevard and cut through the leaves between each green trees and plants in nets. Dante was waiting for him in silence, sitting on the ledge before the neatly cut bushes that framed the park.

     Kai sat by him, waiting for him to speak.

     "It isn't easy for any of us, you know. Richard is gone, and it isn't just another day―I don't remember one damned day when it wasn't the five of us. He was always there, even when we didn't talk, even when we weren't around each other, even when I was an asshole and he was an asshole―he was always there. I don't expect you to understand what Richard meant to me―"

     "I do," Kai said because he did.

     Richard wasn't the talkative kind. He wasn't the happy kind or the sad kind. He was the kind of person who'd sit by you in silence to let you know he was there for you with his actions instead of words, the kind who'd leave the last piece of his favourite sandwich for you even if he hadn't had the other slices himself. Richard had saved them so many times―had saved Kai so many times―that it hurt to think that just when their turn came, they'd been a second too late.

     "Yes," Dante said. "Maybe you do."

     "I do and I―we should have helped him, he's been there for us so many times," Kai's words got caught in his throat and he reared back, eyes burning and fingers palmed in a fist. He'd wanted to do something. Something. Something that would've led to a different ending other than the one they were faced with now, something that would've led to Richard being alive and safe and there.

     "We've all got things we can never recover from and we've all got things that we carry with us forever." Dante stretched back, hands on either side of him and feet scrapping the cobble. "Life is never your story to tell."

     Kai just stared straight ahead at the entrance to their dormitory, at a group of friends chilling on the steps leading out of it. There were five of them, just like they had once been five too. The blond boy in the middle said something and the brunette sitting by him laughed―Filippa and Richard. Kai closed his eyes. "I don't know," he said, burying his face in his hands. "I don't know."

     That's when Dante's phone rang. Filippa. Unfortunately for them, when taking the call, Dante put it on the speaker for both of them to hear. Filippa was screaming, and it was never pretty when she screamed. She had one of the foulest mouths in the year and her temper tantrums usually included loud one-sided declarations to 'fight her.' The students walking past them stared at the phone in their hand and then at them and Kai realised they were probably dressed like homeless jocks, instantly feeling the embarrassment rise up his spine as blood rushed to his cheeks.

     "GUYS―I AM GOING TO END THAT TRICK ASS FUCKING BITCH―HOW DARE SHE TRY ME? HOW DARE SHE―"

     "Yo calm down woman―" Dante half-grinned. "Who are you talking about?"

     "DARCY FUCKING VAMIR," Filippa's voice grew more shrill, like that was even possible. "THAT BITCH MADE MY GIRLFRIEND BREAK UP WITH ME."

tagging: @astorsa , @inkingfireplace , @jugularss , @etheriiums , @vviciously , @nepeinthe , @vigilantscar , @sapphicsyn , @windswiftcupid , @modeans3 , @agnodice-writes , @liarede , @wherearethecrabs , @nemowritesstuff , @semblanche , @waterfallofinkandpages , @maskedlady , @margswrites , @vandorens , @cafisky , @crimeofmine , @notquitenovelist , @isaakandreyevs @books-of-lunacy , @llesbianwrites , @doevell , @thechapelscrow , @xnmasked , @crypticsx , @thatsadwriter , @where-the-sky-writes , @latrantem , @drewdropps , @noxstories , @writing-instead-of-fighting @elliewritesstories , @kaatiba (to be added and message to be removed. find me and the whole darcy, darcy content on my wattpad!)

#i read every single tag on the reblogs #AND ALL OF YOU ARE SO #NICE #SERIOUSLY HMU WHENEVER #here's another trashy update #* wip: darcy.

[rogue-barnes-16]

BLIND (part XXX/XXX)

Summary: Steve brought Bucky to the compound for him to join the Avengers. While some of them welcomed him with smiles, others prefer to judge him for his past. But, could that change?

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x reader

Genre: angst-fluff

Tags:

Blind:

@goodnightmode @superhero2552 @thejourneyneverendsx @wishingforahome @thefandomzoneisdangerous @catsandbooksinafarawayplace @learisa @onespideyboi @afootnoteinyourhappiness @shirukitsune

Permanent taglist:

@notexactlythatgirl @thisismysecrethappyplace @sofreakinmanyfandoms @pizzarollpatrol @bubblycypress87 @sinviix @loislp @lovenaturefirst @dyanna-corona @2ptonpt @goodnightmode @disneyprincessbuffyannesummers @mannls @cutie1365 @catch22inareddress @mybooradley @sebastianisasnack

Warnings: language, angst, a bit chaotic

A/N: this is the last part yayyy! There's an epilogue left, but this is it. Omg it's so long. Enjoy <3.

Blind masterlist

Rogue-barnes-16 masterlist

I didn't know how I had been able to hold back the sobs during my whole way to the lab "Tony" I called him, clenching my jaw stronger with each step I took.

"Where have you been?" he asked confused, but mildly distracted. "Barnes wanted to say goodbye before going with Vision to Toronto."

"we've to talk" my voice cracked slightly with that sentence, and it caused Tony to finally look up at me.

He circled his table and took a couple of hesitant steps towards me "about what?" I had to bite my lower lip to stop it from trembling. "Y/n, what happened?"

Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes and rested against one of the numerous tables "I received an email from Ross" I started to explain. "a few days ago. It was 'bout what happened during... My latest mission."

"the kids?" he quietly asked, making his way to sit on a desk in front of me.

"he read Steve's report" I kept going, my hands gripping the edge of the table while I did so. "but it's not just that, I got drunk a couple of weeks ago-"

"yeah" he confirmed "Barnes told us"

I nodded and opened my eyes before resuming my explanation "I went to see the two kids' families. I told them it was me."

"wait WHAT?!"

"they filed two law suits against me." Tony's eyes widened "I've just come back from a private trial"

There was a moment of silence before the millionaire spoke again. "what did they tell you" this time, his voice was much quieter, and it was obvious that he was afraid of what I could answer.

I intended to scoff, but it came out accompanied by a sob, which made it sound way worse. "karma's a bitch"

It hadn't been a regular trial.

It couldn't have been a regular trial, because this wasn't a regular crime, and I wasn't a regular person.

I was an Avenger.

An Avenger who —no matter what Bucky, Natasha, Tony, Wanda and Vision could say about it— had murdered two kids.

The trial had been quick, and now it was my time to talk with Ross in private.

So here we were, standing in front of each other with a desk in the middle. "it's a good deal, Y/l/n" he said, breaking the silence. "you know it can be way worse."

"worse?" I scoffed, shocked by his statement. "they are taking my life away from me. They are taking everything away from me."

"You'll probably be able to come back to the compound in a while" he replied, trying to convince me to accept that fucking deal "we'll figure out a way for you to-"

"I won't be able to-" my voice cracked at the mere thought of agreeing on it. "they're not only taking my job away from me, 'kay? My friends- my life- I just-"

"they'll visit you from time to time!" he yelled at me, exasperated.

"I'm not gonna give up my-" I took a deep breath, clenching my fists around the backrest of the chair. "what 'bout Barnes? 'from time to time' is not enough. Not for us."

"Listen, Y/l/n" he spoke, pinching the bridge of his nose "either you retire, or you go to that prison you saw your friends in a couple of years ago."

"Fuck" Tony cursed under his breath. "fuck fuck fuck fuck" I could almost see the millions of alternative ways to solve this passing through his eyes while he started to pace before me.

"they gave me four days to decide" I interrupted him, swallowing the lump in my throat.

He stopped dead in his tracks, opening his eyes widely. "Barnes will be out for a week."

"it's okay" I lied, crossing my arms over my chest "it's better if he doesn't know just yet"

"Y/n-"

"it's better if he doesn't know just yet" I repeated with gritted teeth.

Tony opened his mouth to reply, but it rapidly shut again when he looked at the entrance of the lab "what are you two talking about?"

I slowly turned around to be met with Wanda's worried green eyes.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I had had to tell Wanda.

She promised she wouldn't say anything, but by the looks Natasha was giving me, I knew my forced retirement wasn't a secret anymore.

"what?" I bitterly barked, not bothering on looking up from my book at the redhead. "I know you know it already, so quit-"

"Everyone knows already" she cut me off, making me finally raise my gaze to her. "Everyone but Barnes" she made a pause before picking her phone from there pocket and sliding it over the table. "Tell him. He deserves to know."

I stared at the phone for a second, not daring to move. "Nat, I'm- I don't want him to-"

"he deserves it more than anyone." and with that, she got up and, squeezing my shoulder reassuringly, she left me there.

I did consider calling him, or at least sending a text. Then I realized there was only a day left, and that there was no point on doing it.

So I didn't.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

I didn't realize it was my last day at the compound until late night, and it probably was because everyone kept acting like nothing happened for me not to think much about it.

It worked. That was the reason why the breakdown came at midnight instead of during the morning.

But it's alright, I thought while I opened my room's door, it's better to break down alone than- "what the hell d'you think you're doin'?" no, please. "answer, Y/n" Bucky demanded. "I think I deserve an answer."

I wanted to offer him some kind of reply, but no words came out.

I had frozen when I saw him standing there in the darkness of the room, still wearing his now dirty suit.

"Y/n." he called my name, shaking me off my brief trance. "Tell me you're not leaving." again, I didn't answer, but this time was because I didn't want to lie to him. "please, Y/n. Please tell me your not leaving, 'kay? Please"

His eyes were now slightly bloodshot due to the tears he was holding back. "it's not a choice" I finally spoke, clearing my throat while I stepped towards the bed, where my suitcase was already set up for me to pack my things. "I can't stay"

"not even for me?" I wanted to say 'no', but I felt a lump slowly forming in my throat while I began to put my clothes inside the suitcase. "Y/n, please" he held my wrists, stopping me from continuing my task. "not even for- for us?" He swallowed forcefully went he realized I had noticed the crack in his voice. "Don't go. They can't- I- please, don't." this time, he didn't even try to hide the way his voice tremble. "d-don't leave me"

"don't be so fucking selfish" my voice cracked too, but luckily, he was too shocked by my words to hear it. "you knew this wouldn't end well, so quit the childish behavior." I threw a couple more things into the suitcase before closing it. "this relationship made no sense anyways"

When I said that last sentence, I certainly wasn't expecting the reaction I got from him.

His eyes went darker, and tears finally fell down his cheeks, but accompanied by anger. "y'know what? You're right." If there was something left to break inside me, it for sure shattered with his words. "You've been taking bad decisions since I met you. But in this one," he ran his hand through his hair. "in this one you're on your own."

Right after he stalked out of the room, my legs gave in and I fell to the floor, unable to breath, unable to cry, unable to move.

He was right, I was on my own now, and it was my fault.

I stayed like that for a couple of hours before I was able to move. And the moment I was able to move, I left.

Two Weeks Later

The house wasn't bad at all. It was a kind of rustic bungalow besides the beach with plenty of commodities.

The first six days I had felt so alone. I didn't move from my bed until the beginning of the second week.

I started keep myself busy with anything and everything during the day, and during the night, if I couldn't sleep, I went to the beach.

That night felt like it was going to be one of those nights, so I put the bikini on and, after grabbing the towel, I made my way to the front door.

Before I got there, however, I heard a couple of weak knocks on it. Out of habit, first thing I did was to grab my gun.

Holding it with one hand, I approached the door and I used the free one to open it.

The hand grabbing my gun fell limply to my side. "how- what are you doing here?" I managed to ask, my eyes locked with his. "Bucky-"

He took a couple of steps towards me and pushed me back slightly. I couldn't remember what I was going to say, because as soon as his lips crashed with mines, my mind went blank. Without noticing, I was returned the kiss while my hands roamed over his chest.

The kiss deepened quicker than expected, growing even more passionate, as well as desperate each passing second.

I needed to hold onto something, because I knew we would end up falling. I was losing strength and I felt Bucky’s body shaking as much as mine.

My back got slammed against the wall —I hadn't even noticed we were moving— and I gasped.

That was when I remembered we needed air, so I broke the kiss, pushing him back just enough for us to breath.

"You're not on your own" he mumbled with hooded eyes and swollen lips. "I'm sorry, I love you."

"I didn't mean what I said" I replied, wrapping my shaky arms around his neck. "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry, you're right, I always make bad decisions. I'm sorry" I repeated, nuzzling my nose against his neck. "I'm so sorry, I love you more than anything, I'm sorry."

We stayed like that for a moment, hugging, in peaceful silence, until Bucky spoke. "I came to stay"

I frowned, pulling away to look at him "what?"

"I retired." he answered, giving me a genuine smile. "I'm staying with you." he brushed a strand of hair off my face. "If you want me here, of course"

I nodded, not being able to formule a proper sentence, bringing him closer for another kiss.

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