lapvona 🐑🧺
a story about love, lust, and love.
literalmente based on ottessa moshfegh’s lapvona.
cw: heavy religious themes, mentions of abuse, death, mentions of bodily fluids (just vomit i know im sorry).
armin loved the quiet of the forest.
nothing, save for the occasional birdsong or the swaying of the sycamore trees, manifested to bother him while he prayed.
his ivory knees, jaded with ruby-red scarring and amethyst-purple bruises, pressed against the roughened surface of the cliff's rocky edge. across his view was the waterfall; the constant stream constant, yet hushed. to the right of it, carved naturally by the seasons and time, was the face of Jesus Christ himself.
that's what the sunshine-blond boy found himself praying to every sunday.
he prayed for his mother and father, singing soft hymns to himself as he pictured what he could remember of their soft, doughy faces. he prayed for his grandfather, the knowledge of him being devoured by titans caused a shiver to run down his spine. armin never prayed for himself, because in doing so he'd be committing the third out of the seven deadly sins.
"God has given you what you need," armin could hear pastor erwin's voice ringing in his ears. "God has given you what you deserve. what, my dear child, could you possibly be pesting God for if naut for earthly, petty whims?"
an icy breeze rushed through his tresses. opening his eyes, the lone boy was quick to discover how the once river-blue sky had shifted to that of a tangerine-orange hue. the birds had stopped chirping, their brawny wings streaking through the clouds as they flew.
armin knew he would have to return to his village, his belly rumbling in both hunger for supper and anxious thoughts. desperately wanting to recite a prayer for himself as he would make the short travel back home, he ultimately thought against it. it wouldn't be wise to anger God right when nightfall would arrive soon.
his scrawny, little legs stood up from his knees, his tattered shoes crunching the leaves and twigs under his soles.
-
his sapphire eyes squinted at the amber lights of his village's torches.
not a lot of villagers remained out, save for a few adults who'd been smoking rosemary cigarettes as they watched the children run around and play.
entering his own home, a tiny home made of ivory cement and olive-green wood finishes, armin shrieked as he felt a smack landing on his right cheek.
"where've you been?" eren's cool, baritone voice questioned. when armin didn't answer, the brunet was quick to give the blond another blow.
"you can't answer me now?" eren hissed, his cyan-blue eyes focusing on how iridescent tears rolled down armin's ballerina-pink cheeks.
"i was with God," armin sniffled, his hand soothing his aching face.
"and you didn't bother to let me know?" eren chastised, his head cocking as he endulged in the other boy's agony. "don't think God would find that pleasing, would he?"
armin anxiously shook his head, his babydoll eyes wide and glossy from his suffering. how pathetic, eren thought. he strode towards him, nonetheless, his lengthier legs pausing right before armin's shaking form. his rough palms cradled the lamb's warm cheeks, a cruel smile emerging on his lips as his tongue peeked out to lick the remaining tear droplets.
salty, eren internally voiced. yet tastes like honeysuckle. there was a sudden swell in his chest, his shoulders subconsciously straightening in pride. he had a certain hunger for seeing the shorter boy like this; a teary mess underneath his hands. his cock hardened at how armin hiccuped, how armin sought the comfort from eren as if these weren't the same hands which tormented him.
"God wouldn't like how my little lamb seems to wander off without his shepard knowing, hm?" eren's voice whispered. his left hand's thumb gently caressed armin's cheek, before his fingers spiraled down to rescue the boy's bottom lip from his own gnawing teeth. "i take care of you," eren purred. "i bathe you, i feed you, i home you. the least you can do is tell me where you're wandering off too."
armin's peach-toned lips wobbled. he felt so stupid, ashamed of how he disappointed not only eren with his insolence, but how he abashed God, too.
"i'm sorry," armin softly cried, his only comfort being a consoling 'good boy' that slipped from eren's lips.
"bed time," the silk of eren's words stated, the warmth of his fingers banishing from armin's face. the blond's shoulders dropped at the loss of affection. "you've had enough fun for the day."
wordlessly, armin found himself in the little space that they deemed a kitchen. in a wooden bucket was days-old rain water, the water in which the blond palmed at after his fingers has rustled through the amber-colored honeypot on the tiny room table. emerging with a mint leaf, he rubbed the plant against his teeth before using the water in his other hand to gargle his throat before he spat it back into the bucket. they would be getting new rain, anyways. it would be raining someday this week according to marco, the town's forecaster.
stepping just five feet into the bedroom, armin stripped himself of his soiled clothes as he tossed it into the pile that eren had already made.
the brunet himself had been laying on the straw-filled mattress, the sheepskin blanket pushed off his bare, sweat-shimmering body. armin joined him, his knees making a dip in the mattress before his body peacefully laid. he could feel eren stir beside him, his soft words of 'goodnight, pet', lulled armin to sleep.
-
eren had gotten angry again at armin the next morning.
the poor doe couldn't even remember why. all he could recall through his watercolor thoughts was eren throwing a straw-woven basket at his blond head.
not wanting to upset the irate man any longer, armin decided to visit mikasa's little cottage.
his bare feet trudged through her wild-grown lawn, the little bunnies hopping wildly as they sensed his arrival. they leaped away, however, when the baby approached her door to knock.
"mikasa?" his honeyed voice questioned, his darting eyes peering in through her windows to try and spot her.
it didn't take long for her to answer, much to armin's joy. mikasa simply opened her door, her lavender smell dancing through the boy's nostrils.
"hi, baby," mikasa greeted, her right hand reaching up to tuck a few loose, golden strands behind armin's ear. "what's wrong, hm?"
"eren's mad at me," the boy confessed, making sure to widen his eyes to garner extra sympathy. "cause i went to go see God last night."
"why would eren be mad at you for that?"
"cause i didn't tell him," armin's voice trailed off. his ultramarine eyes looked anywhere but mikasa's eyes.
eventually, desperation got the best of him.
"can i come in?" his bambi voice asked. "please? i need you."
"yes, baby," mikasa cooed, widening the door behind her to let the boy in.
the lavender scent, coupled with a whiff of vanilla, grew as armin laid on her wool-textured mattress. he dug his nose into her velvety pillow, his nostrils harshly inhaling every remnant of mikasa.
he could hear the ruffle of her cotton, pearl-white dress. he could feel the dip in weight on the mattress, the boy picturing mikasa on her knees as if they were on the temple's pews. he began wondering what her knees would look like reddened, her pale skin all cherry-blushed as eren commanded her to her knees.
"come 'ere," mikasa adored, rocking the blond in her nurturing arms. "i've got you," she whispered.
armin knew that eren and mikasa fucked occasionally. he pretended he hadn't been conscious during it, feigning sleep when the brunet forced the blond to seek bedding on the wooden-floor. he'd mellow his gentle breathing, the young man trying not to gasp and whine when he'd hear the slaps of eren's pelvic against mikasa's hips. his cheeks would flush, the sounds of mikasa's erotic whines and eren's obscene words caused the poor boy's cock to angrily harden.
in those times, armin felt enraged. he felt maddened at how eren's cock was made to illicit beautiful melodies from mikasa's throat, infuriated at how mikasa was graced with the rage and coarseness that was eren's harsh fucking. it was supposed to be him who'd experience eren's aggressive nature. him who eren's misdirected anger shall be pointed at. him who would endure eren's wrath.
like how God intended.
in an episode of furiousness, armin found himself wanting more.
"can i suck?" armin questioned, his fingers subconsciously fingering the trim of mikasa's dress.
"yes," the young woman simply answered. she pulled the top of her dress down, her pillowy tits out for display. armin's peachy-lips wrapped around one of them, his eyes shutting as he nursed from her as if imitating a newborn doe.
in these little moments, he determined that this was his revenge against eren.
they laid there for a spell, unmoving except with the occasional melody sung and a soft suckle.
armin supposed it must've came natural for the brunette. he hadn't known much, but he was aware of how mikasa had been there for eren after the passing of his mother. he assumed mikasa must've nursed eren like this, too.
that only made armin suck harder, a soft hiss emerging through mikasa's gritted teeth. good.
-
by nightfall, mikasa had sent armin home with a straw-basket filled with loafs of baked bread, jars of lamb's milk, and freshly plucked figs. she offered a kiss on the side of his cheek, her soft words of "be good for eren, baby," hummed the young boy a goodnight.
armin felt himself getting angry all over again.
arriving home, armin set the basket on the kitchen's counter, carefully examining the tiny home to determine eren's whereabouts.
he wasn't home.
trucking into the bedroom, the blond found himself getting ready for bed. shedding his clothes, he tossed them into the familiar pile when something shiny caught his eye.
a pearl. a pale, opalescent pearl shone greatly underneath eren's pillow, its gleam so great even under the nightly lack of light. lifting up the pillow, armin discovered a letter, the paper folded and the contents slightly smudged with octopus ink. his fingers grasped onto it, his cerulean eyes squinting as he struggled to encode the words.
mikasa,
you have been the subject of my dreams for as i can remember. my mind often pictures your face, my thoughts serving as pictures of how your body trembles while under mine. it's your voice which sings in my ears, every laugh, every moan, every gasp more beautiful with each tone. you're the woman in which God intended, the woman in which shall belong to me.
there's been word that the northerners are experiencing much more pleasantries than us down in lapvona. i plan on wedding you, mikasa. i plan for you to bear my fruits in the swell of your womb. father fritz had agreed to wed us, and from then we shall make our ascent up north.
as for the boy, I'm not sure. he's not intelligent, and runs around prancing like a doe. he's not capable of many things, and yet i find him endearing. we could leave him here, i suppose, however the boy would never survive on his own. perhaps he can tend to our farm animals, or entertain our young ones up north. i understand you're quite fond of him, and so i assume this'll be a bridge that we will cross in the near future.
for now, just understand that you are my woman and my priority. your being takes hold in my life, and in my heart.
yours truly, eren.
by the end, armin found himself shaking with unadulterated rage. he knew he was disobeying god with his envy, his jealousy and outrage at how he wasn't eren's prime concern. he wasn't who eren would inflicted his chaos onto, the blond not deemed worthy enough to indulge in the brunet's fury.
he wasn't worthy enough to reach salvation. how could armin reach heaven, when only the select few were cherry-picked by God Himself? how could armin prove to God that he was noble enough to be chosen, when there would be no suffering to be endured?
"Jesus Christ had sacrificed himself for us," pastor erwin's voice echoed. "he endured crucification just for us, just for us to live in righteousness. therefore what makes you worthy enough to join the Lord in heaven? what sufferings had you endured? what pain had you sorrowed that could be measurable to the pain felt by the Christ?"
without cognition, without discernment, without reason, armin's mind had settled on one thought.
the blond is going to kill eren.
-
he fled to annie's the next morning. the ambivalent girl found herself feeling suspicious at armin’s sudden visit, yet nonetheless fulfilled his pondering questions.
“well,” her steady voice spoke. “the mandrakes cause hallucinations. they’re rather hypnotic, armin, so i’d stay away from those.” she pulled out a box from above a cabinet, the silver-plated chest carved with an artistic rendition of Christ's crucification. she unlatched it, turning the chest around for armin to see the next root.
“you can try mugwort,” she shrugged, holding the plant in her fingers before dropping it back into the velvety-cushioned interior. “it’s not as harmful, so it wouldn’t really kill. it would just lightly harm you, however.”
armin stood wordlessly, his vision distorted as he heavily contemplated between the two plants.
and then, "do you have anything stronger?"
annie stood just as soundlessly, her turquoise blue eyes sizing the strange boy up. she struggled to decipher what exactly brought the young man to her's, what cause the blond to ask for the strongest poison she had.
her silence arose anxiety in armin, the pregnant pause causing the insistent man to blurt out an, "i'll pay you extra."
well, then. annie turned to open a cabinet behind her, the stoic woman re-emerging with a tiny, cream-colored, wool bag. she dropped it on the counter, the woman taking a small step backwards which went unnoticed by her, but acknowledged by armin.
"belladonna", her voice dropped, her form moving slightly over the bag as she leaned over the counter. armin leaned in, too, the young man feeling a hint of arousal from sharing a potential secret. the tips of annie's little lips glazed gently against the lobes of armin's ears, a shiver running down his protruding spine.
"or," she whispered, the boy struggling to not laugh as the movement of her lips against his skin tickled him. "as you might know it as, deadly nightshade."
she backed away quickly, yet gracefully, like a lake swan. it was as though the short conversation hadn't occurred.
"what are you willing to give me for it?" annie questioned, humorously observing how armin struggled to swiftly pull whatever it was out his worn-down cotton pants. he managed to have it swaying in his hand rather quickly; a solid-gold rosary decorated with red-ruby jewels shone beautifully, even in the dim light of annie's shop.
she didn't question where he'd got such a luxurious rosary from. he didn't feel rather inclined to answer it, too ashamed to admit he'd stolen it from the praying hands of the Virgin Mary statue from the temple. annie rarely visited the church, anyways. she wouldn't have realized, or snitched.
"deal?" armin questioned, bringing it closer to allow the rosary to hypnotize annie into accepting the deal.
it worked. "deal."
she took the dangling jewels from armin's fingers, her left hand shoving the little wool bag towards the blond's direction.
"they're in blueberry form," she explained, as if it was a rapid disclaimer she was obligated to give. "don't leave it around anyone who'd mistaken them for such."
"yes, annie."
"and when you use them, make sure to use every last one. it'll cause harm onto you if anyone were to discover you with them, and harm onto me if anyone were to know i sold them to you."
"yes, annie."
"okay, then," the blonde breathed, her stress alleviated as she chose to trust armin with the poison.
the young man was headed for the door, poison bag tucked into his pocket, before annie's curiosity got the best of her.
"hey, armin," she called, absentmindedly playing with the lobe of her ear. "what exactly did you need it for, again?"
armin, with the sweetest smile he mustered, swiveled delicately around as he answered with his dulcet voice.
"for rats."
-
armin hadn't known how to bake a pie.
he settled on making oatmeal. it was easy enough; couple of oats, lamb's milk, and belladonna blueberries.
he served it beautifully on their little wooden table; a rusted spoon on the left side of the bowl, with a cup of freshly-squeezed orange juice on the left.
admiring his work, the blond didn't anticipate eren's soft footsteps as he sauntered wordlessly into the tiny kitchen.
"what's all this?" the brunet slurred, the young man still blanketed by sleep. he blinked, fighting the rest that blurred his vision. his cyan-eyes focused on the display before him, before they looked up to meet with armin's baby-blue eyes. armin could swear he'd seen surprise behind those almond eyes, and something deeper. something complex that the blond couldn't name.
"you made breakfast?" eren questioned, his veiny hands pulling back the table's seat before sitting gently on it. "for me, pet?"
armin blushed. "yes."
"what's this?" eren probed, his fingers grabbing the spoon before he fished at the belladonna berries, raising them up to inspect. "berries? they're not in season, lamb. where'd you get these?"
the blond tensed, fighting the urge to pull his bottom lip into his teeth. it was a habit he'd done when he'd conducted a lie against eren, a habit that the meaner man soon picked up on. now, the only thing armin's little habit earned was a sharp slap on his cheek in response.
luckily for armin, eren hadn't questioned him again. he indulged in the oatmeal, his face cringing in the flavor of the berries.
"how sour," he commented, quickly washing it down with the orange juice.
armin's bottom lip was held captive by his teeth. he silently watched eren eat, the twinkle in the blond's eyes dimming with each spoonful eaten.
once he was done, he shoved his now empty bowl back. he got up, his body carrying him to the bedroom. armin followed.
the blond watched eren return back to bed. the brunet's tired form moved to the left, patting the vacant, lush spot near him.
"get in, little lamb."
armin complied. he sunk into the bed, letting himself be pulled into eren's side. he always did love how he smelled; pinecone and earth's dirt. his nose dug into eren's armpit, breathing in his masculine musk. he could feel the brunet's arm wrapping around him, his thumb caressing armin's pale stomach.
"my pet," eren purred, pressing a soft kiss on armin's golden fringe. armin curled deeper into him, his nose pressing farther into eren's warm skin. "i've got to tell you something later, lamb," eren rasped, a sudden cough bursting through his chest. he coughed for a good minute, causing armin to jerk his head up. he settled back down, however, a sudden wave of guilt boiling in his stomach.
"wake me up in a bit," eren waved, his eyelids fluttering as they shut. his lips let out a string of coughs, a string of spit shimmering on them as he spat on the wooden floor.
he fell asleep rather quickly, his breathing labored and harsh.
armin laid, incapable of sleeping as his thoughts raced with worries and sorrows. thou shalt not kill.
armin's breathing hurried, soft little huffs marched out his lips as the realization began to sink in. he got up from under eren's heavy arm, his shaky hands resting on the brunet's stomach.
"eren?" his small voice questioned, his fingers gripping onto his torso. he rocked his body slightly, in an attempt to wake the taller man up.
no response.
armin began to get frantic; his hands jolted eren's sleeping form, little tears began to form in the ducts of his blue eyes.
"eren?" he cried, madly thrusting the boy as he outwordly prayed to God.
"please, please," the pale man whined. he hoped that he could reverse it, hoped that God could hear his pleas and take mercy on this mistake. "please, eren. don't die. God, please don't kill him."
he rested his ear on eren's chest, the blond fighting the urge to not vomit on the brunet's wool sweater.
no heartbeat.
wildly, armin sieged eren's wrist. he pointed his index and middle finger into two standing pillars, pressing them sharply on eren's flesh. no pulse, either.
armin wailed, his body jerking from the bed as he fell harshly onto the ground. he yelped before stammering up to his feet.
"eren?" armin sobbed, taking in eren's slain form. the blond moved in, his head laying on eren's unmoving chest. he laid there, armin's breathing irregular and labored from howling.
he failed to notice the sound of the front door opening, or the little pat-pat-pats of footsteps.
"eren?" another voice, a female's, rung out. "you in here, honey?"
armin's spine straightened.
"armin?" the patting of footsteps entered the room. the blond didn't have to turn around to recognize who'd been calling him. he immediately knew based off the lavender scent.
"baby?" mikasa's soft voice questioned, her gentle hand rubbing against armin's bouncing back. "what's wrong? why're you crying?"
armin couldn't answer her; too ashamed, too regretful.
"honey?" mikasa tried again, before her babydoll-eyes caught onto eren's still form. she pressed a smooth hand against his forehead, before dragging it down to his heart.
she stilled.
"eren?" her voice rose, her actions mimicking that of armin's as she gently shook his arm. "baby?"
she soon realized, however, the tragic scene before her.
she screeched, her cries more piercing and gut-wrenching compared to what armin produced. her upper-body melted into eren's chest, her shrieking face burrowing into his richly, eren-scented, sweater. as if her love and horror would bring him back to life.
armin lifted himself off the bed, his body hunching over as he emptied the containments out from his stomach. the whole act before him made him sick, his heart pounding and his head throbbing.
mikasa turned her head to look at armin, a primal fear developing in him once she did. he couldn't pinpoint what it was at first; perhaps it was her bloodshot eyes, the way the white transformed into a rose-red hue, or the way her pupils were fully dilated. perhaps it was the paleness of her face, her cheeks snow-white from shock. or perhaps it was the way her raven-black gripped onto her face, the sweat that perspired served as the glue.
what couldn't escape his mind, however, was the way her mouth hung open like a dog. slobber escaped from it, her breathing sharp and ragged as she huffed. to witness mikasa, so poised and so elegant, reduced to this inhumane state was what ignited terror in armin's little, quivering body.
and so he ran, darting out the door as he heard mikasa's pained voice yelling out an, "ARMIN."
his bare feet rapped against the brutal rocks, carmine-toned cuts and violet-hued bruises were sure to immediately emerge on his soles. he payed the pain no mind, his adrenaline forcing him to run. he couldn't hear the cries and screams from the villagers, couldn't hear the way they called his name nor the yells that erupted once they quickly discovered eren's state.
he just ran. the young man ran into the forrest, past the emerald-green trees, past the mud-brown branches that stabbed into his arms. up above him, four ash-black ravens flew with him.
he hadn't known where he was going. he allowed his legs to take him where they pleased, as long as he was far from the village. far from mikasa's wailing form, far from eren's still body.
eventually, however, armin grew to realize where his body had taken him.
he slowed down, his feet inching towards the edge of the cliff. the birds above him sang, the sycamore trees swayed gently by the force of the cool, autumn air. even there, to the right of the constant waterfall, was the face of Jesus Christ.
armin found himself hunched over again, spitting out the remnants of his stomach. the adrenaline, mixed with being presented in front of an image of Jesus, had caused the blond to spiral.
"i'm sorry," he wailed, dropping down to his knees as he clasped his hands. "i'msorryi'msorryi'msorryididn'tmeanto." he breathed, before he screamed for the forrest to hear. a couple of partridges fled, yet the ravens remained. they lurked above armin, taking home on the trees and branches.
he coughed, heaving up bile and blood and the evilness that lurked deep within his spirit. judas, he could hear the villagers curse. filthy demon. he could imagine, once they caught up with him, how'd they capture him. he'd be held in the pillory, his body displayed to be ridiculed and demeaned. they'd humiliate him, just before they took him to the gallows. just like Jesus.
except armin was nothing like Jesus. the blond was a coward, running away from his crime while begging God for forgiveness and mercy.
just like judas.
from below, he could hear the pounding of footsteps, the voices of angry men and sorrowful women. his heart raced, his throat closing in fright. were they looking for him?
he choked. his dilated eyes met with stone Jesus' eyes, before they looked below. under the cliff, there'd been boulders which met with the cool stream of the water. there were bones buried just underneath the rill, some animal, some human.
the footsteps grew. armin's eyes darted back up to stone Jesus, before they met with the observing ravens. they simply squawked.
"eternal God," armin hymned, a jitter in his bones as if his soul knew what was to come.
"your mercy is endless and so is your compassion." his voice lifted with every word, his throat bobbing with every syllable.
"look kindly upon me, and increase your mercy in me." his feet inched closer and closer to the cliff's edge.
"with great confidence," he finished, his fists clenching the cotton-edging of his soiled sweater. "i submit myself to your holy will, which is love and mercy itself."
his right hand unclasped, his fingers touching his sweat-rippled forehead. "in the name of the Father," he breathed, just as the ravens began to screech uncontrollably.
"in the name of the Son," his fingers danced down to touch his chest, the home of his heart and soul. he took a glance at stone Jesus, his unmoving figure simply studying the blond.
his fingers grazed his right shoulder, before they crossed over to his left. "and the Holy Spirit," he ended, his eyes peering down the too close, yet too far, cliff's end. "amen."
the ravens warned him how the villagers were arriving, how they'd soon capture him and gut him for his crime.
he had to move, and he had to move quick. with his prayers sent, he took one last glance down the cliff.
there was a fifty-fifty chance of armin landing on either the rocks, or the water. if he landed in the stream, he’d be taken out of lapvona, God’s mercy on him allowing armin to start a new life somewhere. if he landed on the rocks, however, he’d get to see his family again.
through delusion, coupled with the pressure squeezing on his brain, armin jumped, entrusting God with whatever were to happen.
the ravens suddenly stilled, and everything went very quiet.
the end.
19 notes
·
View notes
(i'm planning to put all of my little moments and fragments i've written on tumblr bit by bit, instead of stressing myself out over not having enough time, skill, or experience to draft complete plots. i've been writing shadowgast twin bits since feburary, i wanna make them see the light of day!)
---
His Undercommon is still shoddy at best; if anything, overhearing the small attempts at conversation Essek is having with the girls is benefiting Caleb just as well, even if it does place his conversational skills at the level of a two-year-old. The increasingly familiar cadence catches him off-guard, nonetheless. He avoids the creakiest floorboards and looks out for errant cats as he tries to get closer to the living room and glances down the corridor into the open door.
Essek has his back turned halfway to the door, sitting on his haunches with arms outstretched in what Caleb assumes is the direction of the playpen set up near the bookshelves. The firelight frames him in a soft golden glow, turning his white hair into spun gold at the edges. From this angle, Caleb can’t see but hear the delighted noise of a well entertained child, before a colorful wooden toy with painted wheels collides with respectable speed against Essek’s thigh. The squeal gets a little louder, followed by a clap of tiny hands and words Caleb can’t decipher. Essek’s reply is uncharacteristically soft and bright, consonants somehow even smoother than usual.
Caleb has never learned Elvish despite the ungodly amount of arcane research he would open himself up to by doing so. Celestial was a choice that preceded his ability for Comprehend Languages or Tongues; the unfamiliar syllables provided a distraction from too familiar thoughts turning into empty stares and a mind separating from its body. The small booklet he had managed to steal once was quickly exhausted in its vocabulary and array of grammar rules, but it was a foreign element, untainted by memory. He knows, from many conversations and despite Essek’s reluctance to speak his native language around other people when not strictly necessary, that Undercommon is much harsher than its Elven origin. He also knows that Essek misses the versatility, the poetic qualities his mother tongue holds over Common. Caleb can relate; he would never describe Zemnian as an elegant language, but there are concepts of comfort and a sense of grounding he cannot convey in Common either.
The wooden toy on the floor makes a swift return without even being touched and then shoots, gentler, back towards its recipient, where it is received with another small shout of delight. This time, Caleb thinks he can decipher the sound as an actual word, begging to go faster – qeeh! QEEH!
When the toy returns, a subtle flick of Essek’s hand guides it away from his kneecap and turns it right around in a circle around his back, before rolling back. A noise of protest is followed by a tiny hand pounding on the floor, then a giggle.
„Vel'klar xunus ol alu? Hm, vel?“
„THERE“
„Vel, ussta’ssussun?“
„There! Gaer! Dada!“
„Llaar? Lor’sohna.“
Sohna, again, is a syllable Caleb recognizes. For a moment, the room is quiet, then a shriek and a laugh as, assumedly, the toy is rediscovered, and pushed back heavily again. This time, when setting it on its return voyage, Essek lets it hit an invisible air cushion. He leans back slightly, and Caleb can see his ears twitch the way he would in confusion. The commitment to the bit is more than endearing.
“Ve’bol nin, ssussun?”
“Faster!”
Essek pushes again, but the toy doesn’t budge. Caleb grins at the increasing amount of regret he puts into his voice.
“Ol orn naut alu. Taudl. “ A shuffle interrupts his attempt at apology, then the taper of tiny feet as they cross the wooden floor. Finally, Caleb can see Nima toddle with single minded focus towards the unfaithful toy. She stops in front of it and looks down, hand outstretched, before hesitating and looking back up to Essek.
“Dada queeh?”
“Usstan xuat zhaun. Ifa?“
Nima waits another moment, almost suspicious, before kneeling down the way toddlers do, her tiny diaper-puffed bottom almost touching the ground as she gently taps the toy with one hand. It jostles slightly, causing her to fall back in surprise and immediately get up again, eyes wide and her mouth a little lovely o-shape. Her hands grab the toy and press it into her chest, when her small face turns towards the door and breaks into a sudden smile.
“Paaapa!”
Toy immediately dropped and forgotten, she waddles towards the corridor, met by no small amount of affectionate sheepishness, as Caleb picks her up and sets her down on his hip.
“Machst du wieder Sachen, Spatz?“ he asks in a conspirational tone.
„Macht Dada Quatsch mit deinem Wagen?“
Instead of a reply, she hums and waves her arms, then lays down her face on his shoulder.
Essek’s eyes find his with an expression he can’t quite decipher before it is gone too quickly and replaced by a fond smile. He carefully puts the wooden toy aside and rises into his feet, meeting Caleb halfway at the doorframe.
“Spying on me?”
“Just enjoying the program.”
“She will juggle around three languages before we know it and then we have to find something none of our friends can teach them both to have some private conversations.”
The odd expression is back, and this time the smile doesn’t manage to hide it.
“I am sure they would still find a way.”
“Is Sasha already asleep?”
“As far as I know, soundly, yes. This one needed a little more tiring out, it seems.”
As if to prove the point, Nima drops her upper body back over Caleb’s arm and giggles as he quickly adjusts his hold on her. Then her face is split by an enormous yawn. For the first time, it occurs to Caleb that the small upper fangs already visible should probably unsettle him more in his soft toddler daughter’s face, but he can’t help the wave of affection that sweeps through him, when she rubs her eyes and lays back down again against his chest.
“I would say it worked. I can put her down.”
“I will stay down for a moment longer, if you want to join me.”
“Always.”
By the time Caleb has almost soundlessly dressed Nima in her nightclothes and put her down in the crib, she is already dozing off and fast asleep by the time her head touches the mattress.
The peace will not hold, especially when her sister had already been asleep, but for the moment, he takes in the sight of the small, dusky faces, sleep-flushed in muted tones, silvery strands of hair squished against the fabric of the mattress.
When he re-enters the living room, Essek is curled up on the couch in the way he expresses a maximum of comfort: head against the armrest, legs propped up, a dozing Verushka loafed on his stomach. He seems lost in thought, as his hands mechanically glide through the fur, and it takes a moment before his eyes focus on Caleb. He stretches his legs out to come to rest across Caleb’s lap as he sits down, careful not to jostle the for once content ball of black fur on his torso.
Caleb rests his palm on a thigh, just above the knee and lets the silence embrace them for a moment, gently thumbing over the cat-hair-covered fabric of Essek’s trousers.
“What did say to her back there?” Essek asks quietly, eyes closed and voice even.
It is clear he doesn’t expect an explanation.
“Just asking her whether you were stealing her toys again.”
One eye opens, enough for gentle reproach, before falling closed again.
“Zemnian conspiracies, I see. I cannot defend myself.”
“It probably matches the Xhorhasian conspiracies I am not privy too.”
Caleb didn’t mean to sound so serious, and he knows he needs to elaborate, when Essek looks at him fully now, a small frown forming on his face.
“I am just saying that my Undercommon skills will probably not improve fast enough to keep up between you and the girls.”
Essek’s voice is very level when he replies, “you make it sound as if they will acquire proper fluency, when the only person they can speak it with is an increasingly assimilated drow in exile.”
There is another statement in here Caleb tries to decipher before coming up with an answer. He trusts Essek enough to say what is on his mind, despite the dry obfuscation, so he takes the leap.
“Why are you so reluctant of keeping them close to this part of their heritage?”
Judging by the tension under his palms and the stilled hands, before he resumes petting Verushka, Essek didn’t expect the precision of the question. He weighs his words for a few moments, before pushing them into Caleb’s comfortable, patient silence.
“It is not so much a matter of me keeping them from their heritage. If anything, I am at danger of distorting this heritage. They might want to find out more about their birth parents one day, but how likely is it that they will need me or our shared language for this? They live in a city that speaks Common. Their friends speak Common. “ He notices Caleb’s intake of breath and holds up a hand. “In the Empire, even whatever Zemnian they learn would still be of more use to them. Even here,” he gestures around to insinuate Nicodranas, “there are so few drow, and it is not because of the sunlight, Caleb. You speak of heritage when it might as well become a burden, to be fully baptized in the culture and the language of what is still considered by many an abomination from the Underdark.”
“And yet, you speak it to them.”
There is another moment of comfortable silence, before Essek replies, quietly.
“Maybe it is me trying to reminiscence of home, after all. I am but a selfish creature. We’ve established this.”
35 notes
·
View notes