#to be remembered for hating on the beatles...

[imnotverybright]

Worm band AU. What instruments do they play?

hm ok so

rachel doesn't want to be in the band, much less learn an instrument, so they stick her on drums and she just hits things. naturally, it sounds like dogshit, but she likes it

lisa has the vibes of someone who was cast as lead in her 5th grade school play and never shut up about it, so she's gonna be our lead singer

taylor's on keys. there's no real thought behind this one, it just fits her vibe

alec also didnt wanna learn an instrument, he just thought being in a band would be cool, so he's a backup singer. he sounds surprisingly good, considering he never puts any effort into learning the songs. i mean, it's not great, but it could be worse

brian seems like the type of guy to pick up guitar one day and decide to learn how to play. he's been playing his instrument the longest (except maybe for taylor? im thinking she got put in lessons as a kid and just sorta stuck with it) and is pretty damn good at it. he had a couple solo gigs before the Undersiders

lily plays the bass. this is also just based on vibes

aisha tagged along with brian to a couple band practices, but wasn't really in the band for a while. eventually, they needed someone for random one-off instruments that aren't in all of their songs, which is where aisha comes in. tambourine? cowbell? triangle? she's their gal. only diehard fans know she's in the band, most people forget about her entirely

im not entirely sure what sabah does, i've kinda run out of instruments bands use, but maybe she does stuff behind the scenes? writes most of the songs and designed the undersider's logo, that sort of thing? or maybe she's also on keys and backup vocals? idk

overall, the undersiders are a profoundly mid band, seeing as taylor can't do violence to make them more successful. they have a couple devoted followers tho, but are friends with very few other musicians

#i was gonna make taylor the bassist bc she reminds me of my friend who plays the bass but i showed restraint so be proud of me #i do think keys fit her better #i dont think she remembers any music theory from when she took lessons she just likes playing #it's this taylor's version of morning runs #coil was the band's agent but they all hated the direction he was taking the band in so taylor shot him #lily played with a couple different bands cause she bounced around and was in the bb wards band when she met sabah #sabah is a song writer who has too much stage fright to perform her own songs but wants them to be performed so badly #so the undersiders convince her to join and write for them bc none of the other bands in the area wanna perform her songs #lily and her get together slighly before this and lily tries to convince the wards to let sabah write for them but they wont so she leaves #and joins the undersiders #the triumvirate is like this world's version of the beatles or something idk #worm #parahumans #asks #this was fun :)

[misterradio]

not kidding jeremy from yellow submarine is one of the fictional characters ever he is so charming and weird, visually and characteristically, and he has incredible autistic and gay swag, literally he is such an awesome little animal

#original nonsense #personal #LITERALLY FICTIONAL LITTLE GUY OF ALL TIME!!!!!!! #idc about the beatles but they went off with yellow submarine (movie) #this post also applies to the blue meanies (beanies) the way they hate music/sounds its like. yeah man they just got different sensory #issues/tastes than everyone else its fine. but then theyre antagonists bc the world they are in is music themed i think lol. #i like them. they dont need to change themselves they just need accomodations. and also to be nicer. #idk what this post is about anymore sorry. um jeremy and beanies for the win #i have yellow submarine on the brain bc i ripped the album and have been listening to it latelyy. #there's some songs i like but others that i dont remember from the movie and also cant stand lol. #i think ive made a post like this before but idc.

[amtrak-official]

I remember as a small child I hated the Beatles because the songs Yellow Submarine and Strawberry Fields Forever made absolutely no damn sense to a little autistic boy

[johns-prince]

John was being honest when he described himself as dead lazy, and so having a partner and bff like Paul was perfect for him since Paul is such a workaholic and can hardly sit still.

John needed a push, someone who could carefully and patiently nudge and drive him along, or at least light the fire under his butt, because if not he could become listless, lethargic, and stuck. I'd say this was pretty obvious during the 70s.

Paul was perfectly suited for John in this, like in so many other ways too. Paul seemed not at all bothered, but quite comfortable with this position in their relationship, as far as I can tell. I'm thinking back to Paul making his way to John's house in Kenwood, that he'd often have to wake John up, this involving cups of tea or coffee. Maybe they did some writing and playing, maybe they didn't, as Paul said it was his way to get out of London.

Or, how Paul, John, and Ringo (sans George) had to do a Christmas recording, and how Paul, the whole time, was gently and patiently urging John on to just do it.

I think they're a perfect encapsulation of their relationship, these moments and memories caught.

They both gave each other a harmless need to compete, and to accomplish, together. I mean I'm sure there were plenty of times Paul's patience wore thin with John, and I'm sure John was very intentional in needling that, but insofar that I can tell, Paul really did have exceedingly, almost near limitless patience and love for John as both a partner and a friend.

John needed that, he needed someone like Paul, who could truly and unapologetically put up with him, and love him, and still want to work with him every day, day and night.

Even when the band broke up, the divorce finalized, and John was both loving and hating Paul in tandem for the next ten years... Paul was desperate to write with John again, and John was desperate just to write, you see.

PLAYBOY: But wasn’t it clear that John wanted only to work with Yoko?

LINDA: No. I know that Paul was desperate to write with John again. And I know John was desperate to write … desperate. People thought, Well, he’s taking care of Sean, he’s a house-husband and all that, but he wasn’t happy. He couldn’t write and it drove him crazy. And Paul could have helped him—easily.”

— Linda on John and Paul in the late 70’s and 1980. (X)

While Yoko was definitely driven and career oriented, that didn't necessarily mean she influenced, inspired, or drove John on herself. Not in the way Paul did. I think that's pretty evident, considering he subsumed himself to "house husband", only occasionally baking bread before even that lost his interest, in which he'd keep to lazing about, sleeping hours on end, and mindlessly watching tv.

John was no house husband, the role he took with Yoko was pretty far removed from his potential, even with Cynthia it wasn't that bad.

With Paul, John even thought of writing musicals, and he apparently wasn't even that fond of musicals—but if Paul wanted to do it, like so many other things, then why couldn't John? If John had Paul, then he could do just about anything and everything, really.

“MM: In the early days, did John and Paul really write together?

MARTIN: Yes, but they also wrote separately. “Please Please Me” and “From Me To You” and “I Want To Hold Your Hand” were undoubtedly collaborative efforts. They’d sit down and literally construct the songs together. I can’t remember the first individual songs, although obviously even before I met them they were writing individually, but if you go through them you can hear which of them are John-oriented and which are Paul-oriented. “Yesterday” is obviously Paul, and that’s an interesting point because it was the first time we ever used anyone other than Beatles on a record. There was no one on that record but Paul and a string quartet.

MM: Did you notice them growing apart, developing distinct personalities?

MARTIN: Paul and John had their own identifiable styles: Paul was the syrupy one and John was the hard one. But the rift wasn’t there then. They were really a unit.

MM: Could you tell me what you think of what each one has done individually since the last Beatles record?

MARTIN: I have great admiration for George. He’s done tremendously because it’s a sort of devotion to duty as far as he’s concerned. We forced him into being a loner, I guess … he could never collaborate with anybody in his writing and therefore when the split came he had more strength because he was forced to be alone. He learned an awful lot about producing, studio techniques, and so on, so that he was able … obviously, any one of them had the power - because they had the money - to spend as much time in the recording studio as they liked, and I know that when George made his album he spent six months doing nothing but overdubbing his own voice 16 times and producing his album. To have the tenacity to do that in itself is something of an achievement, but to go along and actually produce good sounds and good music and good lyrics with it is tremendous. I’m full of admiration for that.

I think the other two have suffered by comparison, because they’ve each indulged themselves in their own way. John’s become more obvious in a way … “Power To The People” is a rehash of “Give Peace A Chance,” and it isn’t really very good. It doesn’t have the intensity that John’s capable of. Paul, similarly with his first album … it was nice enough, but very much a home-made affair, and very much a little family affair. I don’t think he ever really rated it as being as important as the stuff he’d done before.

I don’t think Linda is a substitute for John Lennon, any more than Yoko is a substitute for Paul McCartney.”

— George Martin, Melody Maker Interview, 1971. (X)

John was very partner orientated. He needed someone, whether he liked it or not, and he needed them to need him too.

He didn't like being a husband, but he liked having a wife, someone there for him constantly, who loves him and will care for him. John had Cynthia for that, at the start. John had Pete as his partner in crime, bestest of mates, when they were just kids.

Then, John had Paul, and turns out, Paul just about covered all of that, too, and plus it. A best friend, a coconspirator, a wife, a collaborator, his partner, his rival and his greatest ally and muse. Cherry on top, Paul needed John just as badly, madly. Maybe John never saw it that way, maybe that was why he had his fear, his insecurity that Paul never really needed him as much as John needed him.

“IRVIN: Back then people were very keen on knowing who the leader of the group was…

GEORGE M.: Yes, I was. When I first auditioned them I said, “Who’s going to be the leader, is it John or Paul?” Such an odd couple really, because they were diferent and yet very similar, both had big egos, both very good songwriters, but they needed each other like mad.

IRVIN: Did they really like each other? It wasn’t just a competitive partnership.

GEORGE M.: Oh no, they loved each other! They were brothers, and like brothers they pissed each other off quite a lot. John could be maddening at times, Paul can be very bossy and even more maddening and George would get fed up with both of them. But they did love each other and adored what the other did and had an incredible bond.

Paul always took inspiration from John, especially in his lyric-writing. ‘Eleanor Rigby’, for example, wouldn’t have happened without John’s influence. Paul wrote all of it but John’s influence was there and similarly John was knocked out by the freshness Paul brought to melodies and harmonies. He learnt from Paul how to put in the odd chord that choked you up a bit.”

— George Martin, interview w/ Jim Irvin for Mojo: Sir George Martin: The Mojo interview. (March, 2007) (X)

I think I've gone off tangent, but the point of this was to say, John was dead lazy, vastly intelligent and talented, but very prone to sloth. Paul was a rather perfect stopper to that. He could whip John up, get him moving, shaking, ever patient and ever loving, just the right enough of mean, bitchy and stubborn, smart and quick tongued, to meet John toe-to-toe. Like a house on fire these two fired each other up, talk about all-consuming and intense.

They were pretty perfectly matched for each other.

“It was like a tug of war. Imagine two people pulling on a rope, smiling at each other and pulling all the time with all their might. The tension between the two of them made for the bond.”

— George Martin on Lennon/McCartney (X)

#mclennon #john lennon #paul mccartney #anthology of mclennon #anyways george martin knew what was up

[paulsbrokenaglass-beatles]

"But there was a gentle side to John. On one of the very rare occasions my wife Lesley came to see a concert, I remember we were in the dressing room at the Streatham Odeon before the show. The room was heaving with people and the boys were in a huddle in one corner having something approaching an argument about something musical. All of a sudden, Lennon’s powerful voice rose above the rest: 'GET FUCKED.’ Then everything went quiet. And John’s head slowly emerged from the crowd. 'Sorry, Lesley, I got a bit carried away.’ That was John Lennon, the wild man of rock, apologising for swearing, embarrassment showing on his red face. John Lennon was a special guy and I suppose I always felt the most protective of him. Not that he needed anyone’s protection, of course, it was just that because he was so up-front and outspoken I always wanted to go after him explaining to people that he’d only been joking and that he was a really nice bloke underneath. Somehow he was more vulnerable than the others because he did wear his heart on his sleeve sometimes. He needed looking after. John Lennon was in the office once and I was getting the documents together for their trip to the United States. I saw that John’s passport had had the photo ripped out of it. I started to tease him about it saying, 'That’s a bit daft, Lennon. Even you have to have your photo in your passport.’ He said, 'Well, I hated it. It was a horrible photograph. Get me a new one.’ I tried to explain you couldn’t just stick a new one in. 'Oh you can do it, Mr Fixit,’ he laughed. I went down to Petty France in London and tried to explain my problem to an official. I told him the photo had fallen off. He explained that it could not do that because it was such strong glue. I had to admit John had ripped it out and threw myself on his mercy. He agreed, considering who it was, but he insisted I tell Mr Lennon not to be a stupid boy again."

Alistair Taylor, With the Beatles

#alistair taylor #john lennon #my pookie #but the beatles entourage def coddled the boys a lot #my guy straight up ripped the photo from his passport cuz he didn't like it

[got-ticket-to-ride]

Cilla Black first encountered The Beatles at Liverpool’s Cavern Club. She was a singer, and Lennon invited her to join the band onstage. She ran into The Beatles often. When she saw them, she hated being left alone with Lennon. He made her incredibly nervous.

“I remember I used to be dead scared of John, although he was the one who had helped me most,” she said. “He had this aura of superintelligence. I hated being left alone to speak to him. Once he said: ‘What’s wrong with you, girl? Don’t you like me?'”

“I confessed: ‘I’m frightened of you, John.’ He roared with laughter: ‘And I thought you were a snob!’ After that we often talked.”

Cilla changed her opinion of John due to how much he helped her career. He was the one who encouraged her to join The Beatles onstage. He’d also insisted that Epstein listen to her perform and consider signing her.

“Paul was at the recording session when I made Anyone Who Had A Heart,” she said “He said that he liked the composition and he and John would try to produce something similar. Well they came up with this new number, but for my money it’s nothing like the ‘Anyone’ composition.”

It's interesting that Paul and John's inspiration for "It's For You" was "Anyone Who Had a Heart." Lyrically Anyone Who Had a Heart

"Anyone who ever loved could look at me And know that I love you Anyone who ever dreamed could look at me And know I dream of you Knowing I love you so"

reminds me more of "I've got a feeling, a feeling I can't hide".

During the filming of "The Music of Lennon & Mccartney" in 1965 Cilla recalled: “I had to walk down the stairs, miming to the song, while the boys sat at the bottom, looking up at me.

“As I walked past, John whispered: ‘Great! No knickers!’ I reeled backwards, hand to my mouth, and couldn’t wait to get back to the dressing-room to check he was joking.”

#The Beatles #John Lennon #Paul Mccartney #Cilla Black #It's For You #Quotes #Mclennon #gttr-beatles #god John is just too naughty

[soberscientistlife]

I can remember all the adults laughing at me as they sang "Michelle my bell" by the Beatles. I hated that song as a little girl. Don't mock your children.

[pearlprincess02]

playlist for: TAURUS EDITION

part 1 for more artist

BY TAURUS MOON

"touch" - nct 127 / “warrior” - demi lovato / “dark side” - kelly clarkson / "impossible" - christina aguilera / "terrified" - childish gambino / “wait a minute” - the pussycat dolls / “confident” - demi lovato / "from home" - nct u / “pity party” - melanie martinez / "stand tall" - childish gambino / "find you" - nick jonas / “my life would suck without you” - kelly clarkson / "beautiful" - christina aguilera / “soap” - melanie martinez / "3005" - childish gambino / “give your heart a break” - demi lovato / "remember i told you" - nick jonas (feat. anne-marie, mike posner) / "walk away" - christina aguilera / “because of you” - kelly clarkson / “moonlight mile” - the rolling stones / “stone cold” - demi lovato / "bacon" - nick jonas (feat. ty dolla $ign) / "feels like summer" - childish gambino / "underappreciated" - christina aguilera / “dollhouse” - melanie martinez / “beep” - the pussycat dolls / “angie”- the rolling stones / "summertime magic" - childish gambino / “carousel” - melanie martinez / "teacher" - nick jonas / “i don’t need a man” - the pussycat dolls / “brown sugar” - the rolling stones / "numb" - nick jonas (feat. angel haze)

MORE SONGS (JUST VIBES)

"adorn" - miguel / "golden" - harry styles / "harvest moon" - neil young / "latch" - disclosure (feat. sam smith) / "stay" - rihanna (feat. mikky ekko) / "best part" - daniel caesar (feat. h.e.r.) / "the weekend" - sza / "electric feel" - mgmt / "sedona" - houndmouth / "crave you" - flight facilities (feat. giselle)

BY 2ND HOUSE MOONS

“i will” - mitski / “as if it’s your last” - blackpink / “salute” - little mix / “be the one” - dua lipa / “no excuses” - meghan trainor / “drunk dialing…lodt” - summer walker / “the good side” - troye sivan / “first love / late spring” - mitski / “love me like you” - little mix / “dear future husband” - meghan trainor / “physical” - dua lipa / “playing games” - summer walker / “love to hate me” - blackpink / “sweet leaf” - black sabbath / “me too” - meghan trainor / “drunk walk home” - mitski / “levitating” - dua lipa feat. dababy / “i’ll kill you” - summer walker (feat. jhené aiko) / “move” - little mix / “lost boy” - jaden / “planet caravan” - black sabbath / "reflection" - christina aguilera / “a pearl” - mitski / “hopeless romantic” - meghan trainor / “girls need love” - summer walker / “new rules” - dua lipa / “i” - jaden / “secret love song” - little mix (feat. jason derulo) / “wild” - troye sivan / “fluff” - black sabbath / “better when i’m dancin’” - meghan trainor / “happy” - mitski / “thinking ’bout you” - dua lipa / "hurt" - christina aguilera

MORE SONGS (JUST VIBES)

"ridin' solo" - jason derulo / "fancy" - iggy azalea (feat. charli xcx) / "royals" - lorde / "money" - pink floyd / "material girl" - madonna / "rich girl" - hall & oates / "billionaire" - travie mccoy (feat. bruno mars) / "gold digger" - kanye west (feat. jamie foxx) / "luxurious" - gwen stefani / "uptown funk" - mark ronson (feat. bruno mars)

taurus moon playlist (honorable mention : moon - venus aspects)

BY TAURUS VENUS

“and i love her” - the beatles / “breathin” - ariana grande / “change of heart” - cyndi lauper / “moonlight” - exo-k / “sativa” - jhené aiko (feat. swae lee) / "a&w" - lana del ray / “let it be” - the beatles / "purple rain" - prince / "panorama" - iz*one / “god is a woman” - ariana grande / “what is love” - exo-k / “love” - lana del rey / “when you were mine” - cyndi lauper / “comfort inn ending (freestyle)” - jhené aiko / “in my life” - the beatles / “love me harder” - ariana grande (feat. the weeknd) / “xoxo” - exo-k / “ride” - lana del rey / “i drove all night” - cyndi lauper / "l.a.love (la la)" - fergie (feat. yg) / "thats what i want" - lil nas x / "let's go crazy" - prince / “here, there and everywhere” - the beatles / “my turn to cry” - exo-k / “needy” - ariana grande / “true colors” - cyndi lauper / “blue jeans” - lana del rey / "clumsy" - fergie / "rodeo" - lil nas x (feat. cardi b) / “love me right” - exo-k / “positions” - ariana grande / “time after time” - cyndi lauper / "glamorous" - fergie (feat. ludacris) / “national anthem” - lana del rey / “i want to hold your hand” - the beatles / cream - prince / holiday - lil nas x / “money changes everything” - cyndi lauper / “born to die” - lana del rey / "big girls don't cry (personal)" - fergie /

MORE SONGS (JUST VIBES)

"from the dining table" - harry styles / "make you feel my love" - adele / “sweetest thing” - lauryn hill / “so into you” - tamia / “love on top” - beyoncé / “crush” - yuna (feat. usher) / "liability" - lorde / "1965" - zella day / "lover" - taylor swift /

BY 2ND HOUSE VENUSES

“no surprises” - radiohead / "otherside" - red hot chili peppers / “good old days” - macklemore (feat. kesha) / “neon lights” - demi lovato / “don’t know what to do” - blackpink / “all i need”- radiohead / "dani california" - red hot chili peppers / “hymn” - kesha / “blessings” - big sean (feat. drake, kanye west) / “cool for the summer” - demi lovato / “reckoner” - radiohead / "by the way" - red hot chili peppers / “forever young” - blackpink / “your song” - elton john / “woman” - kesha (feat. the dap-kings horns) / “savage mode” - 21 savage & metro boomin / “i don’t fuck with you” - big sean (feat. e-40) / “videotape” - radiohead / "californication" - red hot chili peppers / “don’t go breaking my heart” - elton john & kiki dee / “you never know” - blackpink / “bank account” - 21 savage / “boots” - kesha / “lotus flower” - radiohead / “skyscraper” - demi lovato / my last - big sean / “crazy over you” - blackpink / “out for the night” - 21 savage / “someone saved my life tonight” - elton john / “guap” - big sean / “sorry not sorry” - demi lovato / “whistle” - blackpink / “monster” - 21 savage & metro boomin / “single again” - big sean

MORE SONGS (JUST VIBES)

“thinking out loud” - ed sheeran / “earned it” - the weeknd / “stay with me” - sam smith / “let’s stay together” - al green / “you are the best thing” - ray lamontagne / “lovely day” - bill withers / “i will always love you” - whitney houston

taurus venus playlist

OTHER TAURUS PLAYLIST

taurus sun playlist (honorable mention : sun in 2nd house, sun - venus aspects)

taurus rising playlist (honorable mention : venus in 1st house, venus - asc aspects , venus dominants)

main masterlist

©pearlprincess0

#taurus moon #taurus venus #moon in 2nd house #venus in 2nd house #my playlist #spotify playlist #playlist #astro notes #astrology #astro tumblr #astro community #astro observations #astro placements #astroblr #astrology notes #astrology observations #taurus #taurus rising #taurus sun

[1427]

When the Levee Breaks (pt. 5)

Daryl Dixon x OFC

Story Summary: The one in which a stripper that used to know Merle and Daryl shows up at the Atlanta camp. Daryl’s feelings are complicated but mostly he hates her, right?

Chapt Setting: The Farm/Woods

Chapt Warnings: pretty explicit drug use (meth), season 2 Daryl, degrading/sexist language (he’s starting to get better lol), SOPHIA CHAPTER (I think that deserves a warning)

Word Count: 2.7k

A/N: Daryl’s POV story. Daryl’s starting to be less of a dick, trying really hard to make it feel organic/make it make sense in the story. Idk. This chapter was really rough to write because… it made me sad. Also have no idea if it even makes sense (the hallucination bit, really hope it does) lol ALSO; I looked up some timeline stuff and i just?? Really thought Daryl was out there for days on his own? But apparently he wasn’t? We’re just gonna say that he is in this story. ���🏼‍♀️ I can only do so much when the timeline of TWD is fucking stupid sometimes. (I mean it. Come for me. Idc. Rick was in a coma for 59 days without food or water???!?!!!? Bye)

masterlist

17+ mdni (no smut in this one tho sorry)

Like fiberglass in my veins, it tears through me. Mellow, at first, almost think I should rail more before I can feel myself sweatin’. Different kinda sweat, comin’ from my fuckin’ soul. 

Haven’t felt like I was doin’ something ‘wrong’ since I was little. That feeling that ch’ya get when you’re doin’ somethin’ ya know you’re not s’possed to. This ain’t the first time I done spazz, but maybe it’ll be the last. The anxiety about doin’ it goes away the second I feel the devil kick me through my nose to the back of my brain. Even though I know it’s comin’, it always feels like gettin’ skullfucked by satan. 

Been out here for a day. I brought Merle’s shit with me because I decided to finally get rid of it somewhere. But I got somethin’ that needs doin’. And anyway, I got years of experience with ice. Not doin’ it. Sometimes doin’ it. Never let Merle know, he’d’ve made some big whoop ‘bout it. And everytime he’d gone and done more than he remembered, he woulda blamed me. Shit though, sometimes it was. 

M’not like Merle and Beatle. Ain’t an addict. Can do shit and put it down. Always been able to put it down. Figured other people could too, that they just didn’t wanna. ‘m not sure, but still kinda think that. 

Never felt fuckin’ guilty about it before, though. Fuckin’ Beatle. I’unno if it’s cuz I’d be done with her if she did the same shit, or if it’s cuz I know if she knew that I was - she’d be mad at me. Mad I didn’t invite ‘er. 

But this shit ain’t for fuckin’ playtime. Only reason ‘m even doin’ it i’so I can find Sophia. So I can stay awake, focus, and get ‘er back. They use ta use this shit in war. War’s the reason methamphetamines even exist. Nazi’s? Hell, every single one of ‘em in WWII. Kamikazi’s loaded up, totally fuckin’ wasted outta their minds on crystal while they bolted ‘em in. Kept ‘em awake, kept ‘em happy, kept ‘em focused on the mission. Tha’s what I gotta do. 

I can’t stop lookin’ til I find ‘er. Sophia. ‘m the only one that can, only one that knows how. And anymore, ‘m the only one that seems to give a shit. ‘Sides Carol. And Beatle. She wanted ta come. Told her she’d only slow me down. Distract me. Drawn more geeks. She woulda. Told her I didn’t need food either but she packed me some anyway. Knew I wasn’t gonna be hungry. Knew I was gonna use this dumb shit to help. But whatever. 

Doesn’t matter what happens to me, right? My life’s not worth nothin’, not compared to that little girl. Now that her old man’s outta the picture she actually got a chance. Maybe not mucha one, not the way shit is these days. But she got ‘er mom. And ‘er mom can actually be ‘er mom now. Not scared of some piece’a shit prick that finally got what was comin’ to ‘im. 

Man fuck that guy.

The trail I’m followin’ disappears so I backtrack to the mangroves where I found her doll and try to find another one. 

I start to wonder what kinda old man Beatle had. What kinda mom? Startin’ ta realize I don’t know a damn thing about Beatle. I know she likes drinkin’, she likes laughin’, she likes fuckin’ with me. But… 

Beatle keeps surprisin’ me. Not just because she let me hump her face a few days ago, the fact that she liked it, shit I haven’t even had a second to process that. Nah, more cuz she hasn’t brought it up. Hasn’t tried to hold my hand again. Hasn’t been annoyin’ me nearly as much. Not even at all, if ‘m honest. 

My brain’s goin’ a million miles a fuckin’ second over Beatle and what happened between us. Not just the other night, but back then. Got questions that need answerin’ but she ain’t here. Try to keep myself occupied with trackin’ but it ain’t like trackin’ takes much thinkin’. Follow every trail I pick up, but none of ‘em lead me to Sophia. 

I’d prob’ly start gettin’ really frustrated about this, but that’s what crystals good for. All the dopamine I need, and nothin’s annoyin’. Focus.

✨🏹 

Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, walker guts. Trees and rocks and blood and mud and dirt and greens and browns and reds and blacks. And it’s dark and it’s light and it’s dark. And it smells fuckin’ rotten. Bent branches, wilted leaves, another trail, another dead end, another undead shithead. Bent branches, wilted leaves, mud impressions, Beatle. 

How many times did I go into Merle’s bag and take the devils dick up my nose? Cuz Beatle’s standin’ here right in front of me. ‘Cept she’s all done up in makeup and glitter and her pupils are the size of dimes. Little pink crop top, tiniest pair’a daisy dukes I ever seen. ‘n she’s in my face sayin’ the shit I been thinkin’ about her sayin’ since that day she said it. 

“I like you, Dar.” 

“You like bein’ fucked up more.” I say it like I said it the last time. 

“That’s not true! I mean - I like you, Daryl.” She steps closer, tries to put her hand on my cheek before I brush her off. She slumps back a little, turning away. “You like me, too. You said it.” 

My hearts in my fuckin’ throat and I’m standin’ there, this can’t be fuckin’ happening. I know is’not but doesn’t make it feel any less real. “Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle.” 

Hate that I said that to ‘er. Did I really say that? Cuz maybe that’s how I felt. Hell, maybe that’s how I felt last week. But it ain’t fair. I don’t know her. Still. Now. Don’t know ‘er at all. Thought I did. Thought I understood what kinda girl did those kindsa things. Is that really what I said? Fuck.

She’s still turned away from me, but I walk the half circle around to look at her face. And she’s sobbing. Silently, trying to stay as still as possible. I… I don’t remember this part. Maybe I didn’t see it? Nah, I saw it. Just didn’t care. Didn’t wanna look at ‘er. Didn’t want to hear her lame ass confession. Especially after she’d brought up that I told ‘er I liked ‘er. She sniffles and wipes her face before she pulls a bubble pipe out of the waistband of her shorts and lights the bottom, starts smokin’ it. She asks if I want a hit, like last time. 

I go to say no, but the words don’t come out. Instead my hand reaches for it. I look back up and Beatle’s dressed all different. Baggy jeans and a bikini top. That night. Fuck. Shit. I don’t want to relive that night. 

“I promise, I won’t tell Merle.” She says, handing me her lighter. And I smoke it. Inhaling the vapor slowly like she had. “You gotta sip at it, like it’s a coffee and you’re drinking the air to see if it’s still too hot. Roll the bowl or it will burn.” I do it the way she says. She’s like ten years younger than me, but she looks at me - talks to me like it don’t matter. Like she don’t see it that way. Guess I don’t either, never really did. 

I’d never wanted to smoke it before. But that night I wanted to. With her. Woulda done anything she’d asked that night ‘fore she ruined it. I ruined it. Til it got all fucked up an’ it was never the same again. Not the way I saw her, not the way she looked at me. 

I’m goin’ through memories like they’re happening all over again. Feelin’ fuckin’ sick. I don’t wanna remember this. 

I hand the pipe back to her and she asks, “How do you feel?” 

“Fine.” 

“Just fine?” She smiles. 

“Good.” I clarify. 

“Good.” 

Don’t say it. Don’t say it. Don’t say it. “I think I like you, Beatle.” 

She laughs too hard, “you think?” I feel myself getting sicker and angry again all at once. 

I split in half. One half feelin’ those same feelings I felt. That this conceited fuckin’ bitch really acts like everyone likes her. I hear her words and it sounds like she’s sayin’ ‘well obviously’ - but the other halfa me hears it like a real question. Like she wanted ta know what I meant. I don’t remember how I responded then, but I can hear myself say it, “Self-obsessed cunt.” 

Beatle laughs, “Is that what you like about me?” 

My misunderstanding continues; Thought she was pickin’ on me. Makin’ funna me. All these years. All this time. Thought she was fuckin’ laughin’ at me. Never told a girl I liked her. Not that I never did like one, just never told ‘em. Not like some teenage fuckin’ confessional. And I do and what?  she just laughs.  

Shit. 

Cuz inside ‘m screaming. Screamin’ at myself ta say somethin’ different. To jus’ tell her. She’s special, she’s exciting, and when she smiles at the shit I say it makes me feel like I’m the only one in the fuckin’ world to her. Tha’s what she wants ta here. Tha’s why she’s askin’. 

“Nah. Forget it.” She nods, and I thought she did forget it.  She forgot until she brings it up again in the memory I already re-lived. 

Tha’s how I was so damn sure she didn’t give a single shit about if I liked her or not. Didn’t bring it up again for months. Didn’t give a single shit about me at all. Felt stupid for ever thinkin’ she might. Just a dumb crush on a dumb girl, and I forgot everything about it. An’ every little thing she did that made me like ‘er ended up as somethin’ else I hated.  And every time I saw her after that she was fucked up on somethin’. Meth or booze or weed. Usually all three. 

It comes at me like a fuckin’ freight train, her lips crashing into mine, but this time I want it. Don’t wanna stop kissin’ ‘er. Instead my arms move and I push her down to the ground. She’s wearing the crop top again, can tell she’d been cryin’. She’s layin’ there in the rocks lookin’ up at me and I flash back to the living room where this happened, where she’d told me she liked me back. I wanna beat the shit outta myself for makin’ her look like that. 

How didn’t I see it? 

I did see it. I just didn’t care. Thought I knew what kinda girl did those kinds’a things. 

Wonderin’ what kind of old man she had. What kinda boyfriends before she met me. How maybe she’s just as fuckin’ scared’a feelin’ stuff as I am. How maybe it took her months to even get up the courage to tell me after I’d told ‘er never mind and slowly started to hate her. How many’a those drinks were for courage? How many’a those hits were cuz she was nervous?

Shit. 

And she’s runnin’ away like she did then. Away from me an’ outta my life until a few weeks ago. I know it ain’t real but I run after her anyway. Screamin’ her name into the open air like maybe somehow I can change it if I can get her to come back. But she’s gone and ‘m still running tryin’ to find her. Screaming for her ‘til my throats hoarse. 

‘Til the walkers hear me. 

✨🏹

Andrea fuckin’ shot me. What is wrong with this fuckin’ group?

✨🏹

Beatle’s in the bedroom with me but I can’t look at ‘er. Don’t wanna. Feels like she knows what I was doin’ out in them woods without ‘er. Like she can see the dirty shit in my soul and for some reason it makes me ill. Can’t look at ‘er. Knowin’ I hurt ‘er like that all that time ago. Knowin’ it now like I ain’t ever known anything else. 

It’s just me ‘n her and she doesn’t try to talk to me. Just lets me lay there hatin’ myself for all of it. Didn’t even find Sophia. 

Spent a lot of my days in my life hatin’ myself. Thinkin’ I was good for nothin’. Now ‘m sure of it. 

I feel the bed move under the weight of her. She hugs herself around me, and like some pathetic kid I fuckin’ cry. Don’t know if she can tell or not but she tries comforting me anyway. “It’s okay, Dar. You did your best.” Her voice… how could I have ever thought it was annoying? Her bein’ so nice just makes me hate myself more. 

“Lea‘me alone, Beatle.” Shakin’ her arm out from around me. She gets off the bed and sits back in the chair she’d been in. God, I fuckin’ hate myself. Wanna scream No, come back. I didn’t mean it. 

Still got question’s that need answerin’. This time Beatles right here, and I ain’t got nothin’ to lose. “Why were you naked in Merle’s room?” Grateful that she’s sittin’ behind me. Don’t think I could talk to ‘er ‘bout this stuff if she was lookin’ at me. Right now? If I saw her face? Don’t think I could talk at all. 

She laughs. Fuck her stupid fuckin’ laugh. “I still can’t believe you think I fucked around with Merle.” 

“Why not? Y’all hung out every other day.” My voice is sharp, feels like she’s laughin’ at me again. Always feels like everyone’s laughin’ at me. 

“We all hung out every other day, Dar.” 

“Stop callin’ me tha’.” 

“I was carpet surfing. Your dumbass brother spilled all the schkag all over the damn place.” 

Oh…. But, “Ya didn’t have any clothes on.” 

“I never had any clothes on, Daryl. You sure I wasn’t just wearing something ‘slutty’? You know, like you always said I was? Cuz I don’t remember, but I’ve never been naked with Merle. Ever. Sounds fuckin’ gross.”

Oh. 

It made sense. Makes so much sense, ‘specially now. She keeps talkin’ an’ ‘m grateful cuz if I tried to say anything else I’d start fuckin’ cryin’ again. “I liked you, man. I…” she stops herself. Wanna beg her to keep goin’ but I can’t. 

Instead I ask ‘er the only question I got left, “Why’d ya leave, then? Ya left ‘n ya never came back.” 

She’s silent for a long time. “When you and Merle moved, where’d you go?” 

She did come back. 

“Why’d ya leave, Beatle?” Doesn’t matter where Merle and I went. She’s avoidin’ the question. 

“Got sober. After that night… with you. Wanted to get sober. Wanted to…” she don’t say the rest but she don’t need to. I got it. Fuck, my heart can’t take it. 

“Cuz I said ya liked gettin’ fucked up more than ya liked me.” It ain’t a question. I know. 

“Think it was more the other thing you said.” 

Tha’ was before I really knew ya, Beatle. I can still taste the words. “Shouldn’t’a said that to ya.” My voice is barely a whisper. 

She gets back up on the bed and puts her arm around me again, this time I don’t shake her away. Her voice, so close to my ear, “I didn’t want to tell you that I came back. I didn’t want you to know that I got sober for you.” 

What? “Why not?” 

“Wasn’t sure you’d care. And if you did… I didn’t want you to have all the what-ifs in your head that I have in mine.” 

She hugs herself into me so tight it’s hard to breathe, and she tells me, “It doesn’t matter anymore.” 

I feel guilty, can’t take any of that back. Can’t make any of it better. I don’t deserve this. Her. After all the nasty shit I ever thought about her. After what I did to her the other night. I can’t bring myself to tell her to leave cuz I know she wants to be here. Don’t wanna make her cry again. 

So I let her hold me. Even though I don’t fuckin’ deserve it. 

#daryl dixon #daryl dixon fanfiction #twd daryl #daryl fanfiction #the walking dead daryl #daryl dixon x oc #daryl dixon imagine

[jarviscockerssecrethusband]

“You’re telling me that the shit that snapped her out of it was Kate fucking Bush? God, that’s embarrassing.”

Steve wasn’t quite sure how they’d found Billy but they’d found him regardless. Sleeping in the trees, eating demobat meat for food. Hopper thought he’d just lost it, like his buddy had in Vietnam. Billy seemed fine though, perfectly lucid and no injuries that had the potential to be fatal.

So they took him in. He took a swing at several of the doctors who tried to have a look at him, until only Joyce was allowed to help. From what Steve understand, he’d spent most of the past week with his feet on the couch, being fed chicken soup.

Well, if anyone deserved the royal treatment it was Billy. God knows Steve had tried to give it to him. That is until he fucked up and Billy threw the promise ring into a bonfire.

Steve still replayed that night on a loop, alone in his bed. All the wrong things he’d said, bad decisions he’d made.

He was going to have many knarly scars draped across his back and spilling onto his chest. The Party, even though they would never officially admit to liking Billy, talked admiringly about them constantly. Steve had even heard Dustin call him a badass. Far, far cooler than Steve.

They were part of a small few who’d been allowed to know that Billy was alive, which led Steve to where he was now. Awkwardly perching on a chair in Joyce Byers sitting room, listening to Billy hold court to a raggedy pack of fifteen year olds and a fussing Joyce Byers.

She’d put some peonies in a jar for him. They’d always been Billy’s favourite flower. Steve still remembered Billy threading them into his hair, a proper crown for King Steve. It was what he’d brought to Billy’s grave too. After the funeral. A faggot like Steve wasn’t worthy of his son, Neil had said.

Max was loudly protesting, insisting that Kate Bush was cool. She’d cut her hair shorter so that it came just shy of tickling her shoulders. The doctors weren’t sure if she’d ever walk again. Steve didn’t think she seemed to care. Not now that she’d got her brother back.

Jonathan was fiddling with the radio, changing the station every other song because the past one had been too mainstream. Steve had been happy to tune it out as background noise until The Beatles came on and he winced.

From across the room, Billy winced too.

The months of Steve wearing out his record of Stawberry Fields Forever as he painted Billy. Just his face and chest, even though Billy had suggested post coitus and wiggled his eyebrows. Steve would pretend to be disgusted and push him away, only to pull him back and kiss him silly five seconds later.

They were high most of that spring of course, with the occasional dip into shrooms from Eddie’s stash. Of course being high was no excuse, but it was the only one Steve had.

The feeling of wailing into Neil with his bat had been goddamn euphoric until Billy pulled him off, face puce. He’d yelled for a good hour about how the police could have got involved (Billy hated cops), his income kept them from homelessness and maybe Steve, Billy didn’t fucking want to be saved. That, and the incident had ended up outing Billy completely.

They hadn’t talked since then. Billy wasn’t exactly quick to forgive and Steve hadn’t much felt like testing his luck. Until they were in the same room together, Steve with a chunk torn out of his side by a demobat and Billy with more scars than Steve could even count.

And Billy was looking at him. Not glaring, just considering. The Party had gone through what song they all thought could have saved them and then turned to pestering Steve who mumbled something about the new WHAM album.

Billy snorted from the corner. They both knew that wasn’t the real song Steve would have chosen.

To keep up appearances, Steve pivoted and said in a voice far more confident than he actually was:

“Oh and what metal crap would your song be Hargrove?”

Billy could have hit him. Maybe should have. But he didn’t. Instead he did something he hadn’t done in a long time.

He cocked his head knowingly and smiled at Steve, the way he’d used to before Steve had violated his trust and ruined what they had.

“Oh and for the record Harrington- the song that would have saved me is Strawberry Fields forever. Got a soft spot for The Beatles ya know.”

Only Steve knew what that really meant.

Steve, baby, everything is forgiven.

#billy hargrove #steve harrington #harringrove #harringrove ficlet #tw homophobic language #angst #angst with a hopeful ending

[ohblahdo]

I've seen other excerpts from the Mojo article about Now and Then, but this made me laugh - after all the discourse about George vetoing the song, Ringo's like, no, it was me, I hated working with Jeff Lynne.

But for Ringo, the lo-fi quality of Lennon’s sketch was only one of the reasons for shelving Now and Then. For a start, maybe two new Beatles songs was enough. “Let’s not get too crazy…” he remembers thinking. In addition, Lynne’s preferences for looped drum parts and overdubbed fills were neither to Starr’s taste nor in his style. “Jeff is very particular and meticulous,” explains Ringo today. “He always wants a click track and I keep telling him I’m the click. He likes you just to hit the drums or do a short rhythm pattern and then he uses it. He said, “OK, now do some fills.” But the fill comes when I’m emotionally involved in the track. I think maybe that’s what ended the sessions.”

#now and then #anthology sessions

[humdinky]

i love pixar's turning red. it is such a good representation of girls at that age. they don't shy away from depicting the awkward and weird parts. it is so rare to see a movie depict girls and their silly interests without condemning or judging them. they just let the girls be girly, noisy, and silly.

fuck the hate this movie got on its release. i could go on for hours about society's uniquely shitty attitude towards teenage girls and their interests. there are countless examples. remember the feverish hate for twilight, a series aimed exclusively at young women? what about the hunger games? teenage girls were the first ones to fall in love with elvis and the beatles, and critics treated them like a joke. that is, until adult men started liking them. funny how that works. justin bieber fans, one direction fans, vsco girls, girly girls, tomboys, emo girls, indie girls, bookworms. you will see every single type of girl being made fun of for every conceivable interest a human being can have.

at a certain age you feel forced to make an arbitrary choice. lean into your feminine side and continue to get mocked for 'being shallow', 'only caring about your looks', 'being annoying' etc. or lean into your masculine side and get called a pick-me or told that you just want to get with their guy friends. you like things that are popular? you’re basic. you like things that aren’t as popular? you’re trying too hard. it is the entire reason why so many girls internalize this misogyny, why they start saying things like "im not like other girls."

i certainly wasn't immune to that trap. i didn’t fit the mold and got ostracized for it. the only validation i received for the longest time was from boys, when i turned my anger back on girls and girlhood. i was sold that narrative so many times that i wore it like some sort of badge of honor. it took years to unlearn. i feel sad when i look back on my younger self. i was so sad, so angry, and so scared all the time.

we get insulted for being happy. we get insulted for being sad. we get insulted for being mad that we were insulted for being sad. we get insulted for trying to forget what happened and act happy again. we get insulted for feeling hopeless. they beat the confidence out of you very early.

and it angers me how the emotions of teenagers as a whole are so often neglected. when you're around that age and grappling with big emotions, you've quite literally never felt anything that strongly before. a failed test, a best friend's betrayal, being cut from a sports team. it all feels like a rejection of your entire person, your entire being. you haven't lived that many years yet, and it's the first time you've felt this horrible. you don't have anything to compare it to, and it feels like nobody else could have ever survived feeling this bad before.

it's not petty teenage drama. it's not immaturity. it is a normal human reaction to the worst pain you've experienced, and it is happening at a time when your body is going haywire and your feelings feel impossible to control. you don't know how to cope with it, you can't possibly know, because it's the first time you've had this bottomless well of pain tearing you up inside. you can't look back at previous times you've felt this way to reassure yourself that it will be okay eventually. the first time is the worst and hardest and you have no resources to get through it yet.

a lot of adults scoff at and dismiss the feelings of teenagers. "you're young, you'll get over it"' they've decided that because you haven't dealt with this feeling before that you must be overreacting. sometimes you are, and sometimes you're reacting exactly how any adult would. it's an absolutely shitty thing to express to anyone. a teenage girl's pain is not any less real than a 50 year old's pain. so what if it will get better? it doesn't matter that it isn't going to be the worst thing that ever happens; it matters that right now it very much is the worst thing that's happened.

yes, teenagers overreact over a lot of things that aren't as important as they feel. as if adults, who don't even have the excuse of inexperience with deep emotions, don't? no one should ever dismiss someone else's pain regardless of their age or circumstances.

​im turning 20 in a few months. find the small joys of life, and don’t you dare let anyone take them away from you. if there is a teenage girl reading this, i love you, i am sorry, and it does get better.

#txt #rant post #turning red #women #afab #teenagers #misoginy #internalized misoginy

[mclennonlgbt]

Riding to Vanity Fair

I know this song has been on the McLennon songs list for a long time, but I recently listened to it again and was struck by how much it is about John. And what a different perspective Paul takes here. He usually sang how much he loved John, and here he reveals his frustration, possibly in reference to the conflict from the 1970s.

The first verse goes:

I bit my tongue I never talked too much I tried to be so strong I did my best I used the gentle touch I've done it for so long

which reminds me of this quote:

“I always find myself wanting to excuse John’s behaviour, just because I loved him. It’s like a child, sure he’s a naughty child, but don’t you call my child naughty".

Paul continues singing and decides to stop suppressing his anger and resentment towards the other person:

I'll tell you what I'm gonna do I'll try to take my mind off you And now that you don't need my help I'll use the time to think about myself

which reminds me of:

There’s no hard feelings or anything, but you just don’t hang around with your ex-wife. We’ve completely finished. ’Cos, you know, I’m just not that keen on John after all he’s done. I mean, you can be friendly with someone, and they can shit on you, and you’re just a fool if you keep friends with them. I’m not just going to lie down and let him shit on me again. I think he’s a bit daft, to tell you the truth. I talked to him about the Klein thing, and he’s so misinformed it’s ridiculous.

This excerpt touches me the most:

The definition of friendship Apparently you're to be Showing support for the one that you love And I was open to friendship But you didn't seem to have any to spare While you were riding to Vanity Fair

What the "riding to Vanity Fair" would be? My interpretation is that this is what John was doing during his interview with Jann Wenner in 1970 (later released as Lennon Remembers): belittling Paul's talent, criticizing him for taking the initiative in The Beatles, and presenting himself and Yoko as True, Non-Commercial Artists.

Some people believe that the song is addressed to a woman. I think this is nonsense. Even if we ignore everything I wrote earlier, look at this:

There was a time When every day was young The sun would always shine We sang along When all the songs were sung Believing every line

This "believing every line" could be a reference to John and Paul's communications through music.

I don't think Paul hated or hates John (or vice versa). However, I think he had the right to be angry with him and feel sorry.

#mclennon #mclennon tinted song analysis #chaos and creation in the backyard #paul mccartney #john lennon

[pinene]

Remember when this website was vehemently convinced that the only meaningful praxis worth doing was hating on the beatles

[bambi-kinos]

Re: John being demi - don’t you think it’s possible he had sex because that’s what was expected of him? His age, lifestyle, etc. Especially because of his self-destructive tendencies and not always acting on how he truly feels. Or acting in a way that doesn’t express how he truly feels - i.e. Barcelona. He could have easily slept with Yoko early on, with her throwing herself at him but it wasn’t until correspondence and a deeper connection did he engage sexually. Not to mention him not wanting to have sex with men later in life because he couldn’t find one he connected with in that way. To me even the lyric “My love will turn you on” - is revealing.

If you want to interpret John Lennon as demisexual then you certainly can and I can't and won't stop you. But since you're asking me directly my answer is just a flat "no." John was sexually attracted to women so he slept with them. He was conventional that way. He was also hooking up with Yoko soon after Indica, he did not wait until the night he took LSD with her and recorded the sex tape.

You need to remember the cultural climate John existed in. It was "expected" of John to get married to a woman, settle down with her, have children, hold a steady uninspiring job, and then die at 70 with a gold pocket watch in his waistcoat without ever standing out from the crowd or doing anything that would express his individuality and personal needs. These were the stultifying expectations John grew up under and he hated it.

The Beatles kept their orgies secret because it would have destroyed them as a band if it got out that they were nailing groupies, this is the exact OPPOSITE of it being "expected" of them to have sex with lots of women.

The performative aspect was the groupies expectation of John to act like Beatle John while he was thrusting. That doesn't mean John disliked it or was carrying out an act he found distasteful for the sake of expectations. And remember: John kept posters of Bridget Bardot and Elvis Presley in his bedroom at Mendips because he was jerkin' it to their images. He only had a parasocial fanboy relationship with them but he was deeply sexually attracted to both. This is the opposite of demisexuality which requires a personal connection of some kind.

I talked about this in the McLennon server this afternoon so I'll just repost what I said in there:

Leggy「IT'S A GUNDAM 」 — Today at 5:20 PM john was just so laden with PTSD and agoraphobia

like Shotton talks about how John started turtling up once he got Kenwood, the hibernation years were a long time coming. but he was so deeply separated from other people even as a child and that just got worse and worse over time.

like sex was a way for John to connect with human beings and I wonder if it was the only way he could. that's not to say he couldn't fall in love if he met people but he had to keep his connections shallow as a matter of survival, he wasn't able to form those relationships easily and when he did connect to others it was because they pursued him.

Cynthia was the aggressor in her relationship with John, he liked her but he didn't pay attention to her until she dyed her hair blonde to catch his eye. Paul was super down bad. Yoko stalked him.

Otherwise even as a teenager John's relationships were strictly about sex, not romantic love, and he wasn't interested in romantic love until Paul and art school came into his life.

***

This is the exact opposite of demisexuality. John could form personal relationships and he could fall in love with people but when he did, he seemed to back away from them sexually. If we count Paul as one of John's lovers (and I do) then we see this happen to where John broke it off with Paul to pursue someone else physically (in this case Yoko.) John liked using sex as a way to connect with others but the moment genuine feelings got involved he got skittish. Note that he initially was planning to buy a house with May Pang but then he went back to Yoko when the Montauk plans began solidifying. John was certainly attracted to May Pang and he certainly had a personal connection with her but when that started getting a little too real and too deep, then he left her and would only hook up with her occasionally in controlled environments where he could ghost her easily afterwards.

The same thing happened with Yoko: after Sean was born, she and John stopped having sex and she sent him to the massage parlors to avoid dealing with him.

And don't forget how John's relationship with May Pang started: Yoko hired May Pang to be John's mistress. May was paid by Yoko to have sex with John and to keep him within Yoko's reach while they were in Los Angeles, what with Yoko's daily phone calls. May did fall in love with John but John knew that May was a business asset controlled by his wife and that she was being paid to never leave him. This was the foundation of their affection for each other. When May and John went back to New York and started looking for houses in Montauk, John opted to go back to Yoko for her smoking cure and came back ready to leave May Pang, aka the relationship with May Pang was becoming too real and too deeply rooted in actual Love (with that capital L) that meant May would no longer be forced to stay with John due to receiving a salary from Yoko Ono.

What seems to be more of a pattern in his life is that he was very wary of forming personal connections with others, when they did form it was because the second person pursued him vigorously, and then he had a saddening tendency to leave once his love with that second person began to develop into a deep, long lasting adult relationship. If anything, John seemed to use sex as a way to keep himself hidden and to stop forming connections with others because the moment he had sex with someone he could safely label them "disposable" which is exactly what he did with Paul and May despite his intense connections with both of them and the fact that he was sexually intimate with both of them.

John seemed to fear love and the responsibilities and ecstasies that it brings. This is not demisexuality as I understand it and I simply cannot agree with the assertion that John was demisexual.

#there is a McLennon aspect to all this but that would require an entire post of its own #john lennon #yoko ono #may pang #the beatles #beatles meta #my meta

[mythserene]

I'll Follow the Sun's 15 words in Tune In

Following along with AKOM I was struck by this page as I was passing it, so just out of curiosity I googled to see what I could find out about "I'll Follow the Sun" that would have been available before Lewisohn wrote Tune In, and what could Lewisohn have done with his prose for this song?

From Beatles Music History website:

"I wrote that in my front parlour in Forthlin Road. I was about 16," McCartney stated in an interview. This would date the song as being written as far back as 1958. He continues, "So, 'I'll Follow The Sun' was one of those very early ones. I seem to remember writing it just after I'd had the flu...I remember standing in the parlour looking out through lace curtains of the window and writing that one."

There is a recording in existence (available on bootlegs) of the early Beatles, known then as The Quarrymen, performing the song. The electric guitar arrangement features Paul, John and George on guitar with Stuart Sutcliffe on bass and presumably Tommy Moore on drums. According to McCartney, who purchased the tape from Peter Hodgson in 1995, the recording dates back to April of 1960 and was made in the bathroom of his home at 20 Forthlin Road during a school holiday. McCartney's recollection of the "middle eight" being re-written before they recorded it professionally is confirmed by this early rough recording, because the lyrics of this middle section appears to say "Well, don't leave me alone, I need you/ Now hurry and follow me, my dear." 

Tune In:

“I’ll Follow the Sun.” Paul came up with this rhythmic ballad alone, words and music, on his Zenith guitar.

There's a very good story and all we get is "rhythmic ballad on his Zenith guitar"? But all that about a John song that doesn't even really seem like a John song? 

It does get a bit more ink in Chapter 15 when Lewisohn talks about the bootleg, but I can't see anyone who loves writing about where songs come from as much as Lewisohn does passing up all the history of one of their most beloved songs that a bootleg even exists for. A bootleg with different lyrics, that he never mentions! There's just a lot on this song that he could've done so much with, and although I wrote before that I don't think Lewisohn is actually trying to settle scores, I am now genuinely starting to wonder.

Lewisohn on "I'll Follow the Sun" in the bootleg:

There’s also the earliest-available recordings of “One After 909,” “I’ll Follow the Sun” and “Hello Little Girl.” “One After 909” is clearly a diamond in the rough, polished by John and Paul’s attractive harmonizing. “I’ll Follow the Sun” is Paul alone, guitar and voice, save for someone (probably John) slapping a guitar case.

I'll say this, once you start noticing the attention to detail and real estate, you really start noticing. I had focused on the jealousy footnotes early on in my reading because it stood out to me so much, and once I realized how few were supported I was awestruck and started digging more, but I hadn't given thought or attention to the broader comparisons. 

Absolutely blown away, tbh. I am less enamored of the space comparisons in general because they're more subjective than just the, "What, he's saying Paul was jealous because he wanted to be out front and he hated Stu from a quote saying 'I was playing the drums with a broomstick between my legs and it wasn't easy"??" But although they're harder to point out, they are most certainly there, and there to a truly unpardonable extent. This one blew my ass away.

Honestly, WTF?

Since I referenced it, the "Paul's jealousy was stoked because he was unhappy because he liked exhibiting versitility and nobody looked at the drummer and did I mention he was jealous?" pages below.

#the beatles #lewisohn #akom #historiography #fine tuning #paul mccartney #john lennon #beatles #tune in #i'll follow the sun #the quarrymen