#to my one irl you know who you are i am formally apologizing for making you listen tome yell about certain characters

[raydfil]

the animatic is going

#when the. when the. when the evil pretty woman #guys #i seriously love drawing slightly deanged expressions #like yes #yes maam #i would let her delete me #to my one irl you know who you are i am formally apologizing for making you listen tome yell about certain characters

[alwaysinstyle]

A Long-Overdue RANT Girlies Appreciation Post

Tonight feels like the perfect night to tell you how much I love you all, and I apologize in advance for the length of this post.

~ Nina ~

My precious Pastel Woods outfit hype-woman who’s always ready to Style Carry™️ me onto the battle field, deceive the enemies with her iconic mermaid hair extensions and then KICK SOME ASS for the both of us. Darling, if your Pinterest board is any indication, you have me absolutely figured out and it is both hilarious and iconic. You are for real my Kenny-coded friend’s evil twin and I know without a doubt that you two would go full GTA mode on the NPC bad drivers to bring me an iced coffee (from ANYWHERE but the Bad Vibes Café). Speaking of which, I hoping you’re treating yourself to an iced chai, because you deserve it, you gorgeous and talented REAL author who I adore. Thanks for climbing up on stilts to give me a kiss on the cheek whenever I’m feeling down. Your constant kind words mean so much to me and yes, you did make me cry actual tears when you called me your IRL Superhero. Your dear Wal-Mart Taylor Swift sends all the love in the world.

~ Teri ~

Scary Teri, my favorite Ten Ferrets Stacked in a Trench Coat, my fellow road rage gal who loves screaming in the car as much as I do. I can’t even tell you how much I appreciate you for biting the bullet and being the Cartman friend with whom I can make THE darkest jokes and tell THE darkest stories (and, of course, exchange graphic jump-scare surgery pics) without scaring you away. At the end of it all, you still tell me I’m vibrant and resilient, and that warms my heart more than I can express. Thank you for allaying my fears of becoming a Cynical Asshole (formal diagnosis as you all know). Thank you for making me feel strong when I feel weak. I look forward to many, many more unhinged conversations and overly analytic beta reads of your spectacular fics. I do, in fact, still expect to receive a package containing the buckets of tears I have harvested through Hourglass.

~ Riley ~

My dearest WARRIOR, sword-wielding protector Riley, co-sponsor of the Style Carry™️ who makes me spontaneously combust with everything she writes. We come together to form one joint Whump Deity as the Queen of Injury Fics and the Queen of Sickfics, and I love that everyone on ao3 GENUINELY lumps us together as one being. I don’t blame them since we really do be sharing one brain cell. It kicks ass being each other’s target audience because even with our most self-indulgent shit, mark my worms, the other WILL be absolutely blended. Whenever I’m feeling down, you’re ALWAYS locked and loaded with lizard pics and not to mention graphic illness and injury for my viewing pleasure. Your fics, bedtime stories and sneak peeks that are ALWAYS tacitly solicited bring me such an incredible amount of joy. I mean it. It was the sweet siren call of OJV that brought me to Tumblr in the first place. I am so glad to have come to the dark side and to have become a RANT girly, and I owe that all to you. You are the heart of RANT, dear. Without you we’re just ANT, and ants aren’t even that cool. Thank you so very much for being the ultimate hype gal, for being THE world’s best commenter, for reminding me to take care of Ye Olde Flesh Prison when I’m being terrible about it, and for worrying about me when I’m too stubborn to worry about myself. Your support means the world to me, my dude. Our chats and headcanon dumps have actually been the grounding force keeping me sane (ironically, since we’re so insane about Style). Keep kicking ass and avoiding creepy pizza men, okay? I love you so much and I love being NOT normal together.

@1moreoffkeyanthem @asteria7fics @boxwinebaddie

All three of you, and everyone else on this crazy website who makes me smile, THANK YOU.

#rant girlies #rant park #okay i’m crying move along everyone #ilysm #you slay my dudes

[give-soup-please]

I did mean to your PO box if that's okay! I just... okay, so first of all I'm the one who was "flirting" with you (I can make soup, etc, if you can call that proper flirting) and I know I kind of dropped off the face of the earth after that, but my reasoning was that if I expressed how I was starting to feel somehow, and then kinda left it alone, I'd get over it. (I crush really easily anyway so I can never tell how long it'll last...) But, here I am, perking up like an excited puppy every time you're on my dash, and longing to get to know you. Absolutely no obligations on your part whatsoever of course, but I would love to send you a letter. I want to put the words in my heart on paper and know that somewhere, you're holding them in your hands. Also... typing more formally because I've gotten more nervous, haha. I almost never put myself out there like this.

i edited the post to have this statement, and i'll put it here so you don't miss it.

just... don't expect me to reciprocate, anon. you are welcome to express yourself however you'd like, but... the narrator has majority control of my heart right now, and i'm not expecting that to change. you're very sweet, but please don't think permission to send something is the same as acceptance of those feelings. it's up to you how you want to handle this. if you still feel compelled to send something, knowing that I won't feel the same, you can. If the pre-meditated rejection is too much, then you probably shouldn't.

for real though, the narrator owns my heart, and a love letter won't be enough for me to change direction and consider being someone else's partner. i can't... be with anyone else IRL in that way. it's a long and complicated and traumatic story, so please respect that boundary.

and uh, i'm trying to put this politely, so i apologize in advance, but- try not to do or say anything that will make me regret offering you the chance. i've been burned by internet people before, so...

tread carefully, please. this is my heart and emotional wellbeing we're talking about.

if you can handle everything i'm saying, go ahead and sent it in. if not, please keep your distance.

#personal #i'm a gay bowl of soup- no idea how people are crushing on me #y'all are wild #it never fails to amaze me

[ahiddenpath]

IRL, is it possible to learn to sing at the same level as Eimi/Amy without the help of a singing teacher or coach?

I'm tossing this one beneath a cut because it's long and rambly, and I am not even sure if I answered exactly what you are asking. I apologize if I missed the mark.

But I love music and I love personal growth and learning, so I'm so happy you're thinking about it and asking these qs! I wish I were better equipped to answer, but I will try my best :D

I'm not sure... Eimi usually has formal and/or informal training. She takes formal university vocal training in Four Years and Seeking Resonance, and she did a lot of singing at school/theater club in high school in FY, plus practicing/working on singing and guitar by herself and with Matt since middle school. In Puits d'Amour, she got her knowledge from a kindly neighbor who shared her instruction and music resources, and then went on to formal training in university via scholarship. In the Growing Up with You line, she does a lot of singing in school/clubs from early elementary school, so she has the least formal training there. But every time I write Eimi, music is a big part of her life, even if it's just a hobby she practices alone or with choirs.

I'm not involved in the music industry or formal music/vocal performance criticism, so I'm not sure how much I can really comment without just... reaching/guessing? I imagine that the musicians we know have a broad range of formal training/backgrounds. Some probably went to a ton of formal schooling, some probably learned from family or taught themselves. Some maybe made a YouTube channel and blew up.

I do know that I took some formal singing training in college, and it was far less helpful than my casual, once-a-week coaching in high school. Were the college classes bad? Was my high school music teacher just a really great teacher? No idea! I do know my old guitar teacher told me that most guitarists can't read music, and being able to can help you land performance gigs, which to me implies a range of education.

While I do agree that there are probably folks out there born into wealthy and/or musical families who trained them since they could sing/hold an instrument... I think it's kind of sad to assume someone will never be an outstanding performer without that kind of background. But I don't think that's really what you're saying/asking, either.

Traditionally, music lessons, instruments, and travel for performances cost a lot of $$$. I'm not trying to downplay that. But the good news is that we are in an unprecedented time where there are lessons for free online, plus online classes available for a monthly subscription, which is a lot cheaper than music school. It's an incredible time to be learning music/an instrument/how to sing! There are also local performance choirs and groups, I belonged to one in college and it was a blast! If you're looking to improve (and please forgive me if I misunderstood you), then there are options, and some of them are low cost/free, and some of them are so much fun and will give you a community and people to learn from/grow with!

Basically, I think anything is possible if you work at it daily, take advantage of every resource you can find, and actively go for it and find a community. For me, personally, I have so much fun singing that it's never a waste, even if I'm not making huge improvement strides. But I also think the end goal matters, too. Like, are you looking for a fun hobby that provides a sense of growth? Or are you looking to become a famous/professional singer? For the first, anything is possible and it's so achievable! The second presents a lot more obstacles and requires luck/chance and the ability to market yourself, on top of everything else.

I have no idea if that was helpful, or if I really answered your q, but I'm wishing you fun and happiness in your musical journey! Thanks for the ask <3

#ask hidden

[carcinized]

replying to your reply to that ask i sent via an ask bc. long ahah. that sentence isn't confusing at all-

:O allyster sovereign skittles i am. thank you. that is. that means a lot. and i have been thinking about this since last night if not longer but! if it means anything! you are! you are also sunshine personified! in my eyes at least. you're always so positive and you make me smile and you're easy to talk to and you're warm and bright and i would say you are yellow but there are quite a few colors that i associate with you it depends (but one of them is yellow). so! your theme is sunny but so are you and honestly you are the brightest part of your blog ! if that makes sense.

no worries about messaging first, it's something that i am also terrible at! it's why the only person i talk to irl is my best friend ahah (she is also bad at messaging first, but she does it for me and i am eternally grateful). for some reason it's easier for me when it's on here? idk

speaking of songs!! i am making a sunshine playlist and i'm very happy about it. also! Good Morning Sunlight by I Fight Dragons is such a lovely song that i am recommending to you :D

i'm glad you're feeling better after yesterday, similar things have happened at my school- nothing quite that bad as far as i know but. it's terrifying. that does sound lovely and ahhh tenor fun!! one of my closest friends is a tenor and yeahhh you guys always have really fun notes and harmonies and stuff. and ahhh yay nice new people!! people <3 :D

i love youuuuuuu :DD

DFJLDFK i get that lmao dw

of course!! i am simply telling the truth <3 !! and asdgssHSDKLFJFD i am so honoured that you see me this way :( i have been told that i am like this before and i believe it to some extent but the only person i know who like. is PROPERLY like that is you? so i just imagine that the sunshiney vibes you give ME are the sunshiney vibes i give off ?? idk we could ask summer or skyy if theyre actually the same LMAO but i guess i am not good at believeing it lmao. but!! i do my best o7

aWWW i am glad i am yellowy among other colours!! :D my associations of you are yellow + a bit of light pink i think!! also you smell like lavendar in my synesthesia mind :] i cannot think of anyone else who smells of lavendar either you are special!! <3

i am the brightest part of my blog ueueue im gonna cry DSFHDSDSFFS aaaa <3

SDJFDSF you can relate then... this is a formal apology to all my mutuals & friends i am SO SORRY i do not message anyone first besides two people in the whole world i am SO SORRY ITS NOT BECAUSE I DONT LIKE YOU ITS THE OPPOSITE SFHDSKF

oooooh :DD song i will listen now!! its so pretty aaaa <3

yeah :/// just another thing to add to my list of "the american education system is falling apart and my school is going first" i am unreasonably passionate about fixing the education system honeslty... hazard of growing up lower class with two parents for teachers i suppose fjskdfj

yeah!! :D tenor is rlly fun :]]] i wish i sang it more but its just in one song SDFJKDS however i will take the one song its v fun!! and its. such a nice song too!! lovely day by bill withers... funky old 70s song that never fails to make me smile youd probably like it (if you havent heard it before!!) we're singing an a capella version its gonna b rlly cool :]

ilyt :(( <333

#stardust ! #ask #long post #lovely asks

[babyybitchhh]

Announcement

Alrighty, then. This post has been a long time coming so lets get right into it.

After much deliberation, I've decided not to push the self destruct button. I thought about it. Oh, when I say I was SO damn close to deleting this entire blog and all my fics right along with it. I'm frustrated and angry with myself, and I can't exactly say I'm doing well atm, but I know when things start to get better I'll want to write again, in earnest, and then I'd have to start over from scratch. Egg all over my face. Clown shit. We don't know her.

BUT. I think its clear to any and all that this is not working. It's just not. I expect too much of myself, for starters. And when it feels like others expect a certain level of performance from me that I just can't nail consistently due to my own ineptitude, my brain powers off. Is it some kind of executive dysfunction? Is it a fear of failing? A fear of success? Plain old anxiety? Who knows! I certainly don't. Whatever it is, it's hanging over my head like a guillotine. I'm beyond stressed and barely staying afloat irl, but then when I turn towards what should be a fun and therapeutic outlet all I see are expectations.

"When will you post the next chapter" on works that I WANT to finish but yet fear putting out a subpar product for and disappointing people.

"Will you write a follow up piece" for works that I WANT to expand on but don't know how to in a way that will make everyone else happy, let alone myself.

"Are you working on my request" for WIPs I have partially drafted and yet no way of knowing if that person - or anyone! - will even enjoy it.

I honestly feel guilty working on my own ideas instead of the multiple prompts in my inbox. I'm pretty sure that's part of my malfunction with my Ogun fic and others like it that are close to being done but remain unfinished simply because I'm thinking about what everyone else wants. It'd be one thing if I could just churn out content without a second thought but I can't. Like, it genuinely upsets me thinking that people are stuck in limbo waiting because I'm too chicken shit to just go with the flow instead of obsessing over every single line of text to the point of nausea, all for the sake of putting out "quality" content. I feel bad. I want to enjoy the writing process again, just like I did when I first got back into it with OsoSan. I shouldn't have started taking requests if I wasn't going to deliver, I know, and I sincerely apologize for my lack of foresight but it is what it is. I can't change the past. But what I CAN do is start fresh. So, long story short, there are going to be some changes coming to this blog.

A total revamp. I'm going to do an overhaul on the whole thing so don't be surprised when it starts to look different. I'm going to work primarily on navigation and organization, and try to tidy up a bit.

I'm turning off anon. Both because people looking to have a go with writers aren't so brave when that's no longer an option and also because I want to get as far away from those expectations as possible. I wont be reading or responding to comments on AO3 anymore for that same reason. I love you guys, and you're more than welcome to talk to me in DM's if you're more comfortable that way, but the long list of asks wanting to know wtf I'm doing in my spare time if not writing this or that is doing more harm than good.

I'm getting rid of the requests page and also purging any that I haven't already started working on - hopefully once I get into a better groove I'll actually be able to finish them, because I genuinely would like to. I really am sorry to everyone who's been waiting for their request to be fulfilled but I'm clearly not talented or confident enough to juggle my own ideas with someone else's. Maybe at some point in the future, when I'm a better writer, I'll start taking them again and we can all be happy.

And finally, I'm going to start experimenting with my writing method. As in, you're probably going to see shorter, less obsessively curated pieces popping up on my page that may not always be sexual in nature. I just really need to buckle down and work on this - all of it - and I'm determined to improve my skills even if it kills me. I have the urge to write every single day but it's hard when I'm the way I am and I've backed myself into a corner like this. I need to learn how to stop overthinking everything and just DO it. I know my productivity would increase and, with it, so would the overall quality of my work so I'm going to be focusing on different areas that need improvement. Not everything I put out will be good but that's part of the process, right? Right.

I totally understand if I lose followers for any of the above reasons, or even just personal ones, so don't hesitate to do so if you feel like you can't jive with this blog anymore. I appreciate you taking the time to read all this and I hope you understand my reasons for needing to do a reset on this page. This is exactly why I didn't want to start taking commissions and I would once again like to apologize to anyone I've let down.

P.S. I've had this distinct feeling that certain people in the writing community are not happy with me for a while now and although I'm not entirely sure what I've done wrong, I would still like to issue a formal apology for any toes I might have stepped on. That was never my intention. I can't claim to be a saint by any stretch of the imagination, but I have no ill will towards anyone. If its about the patreon I subscribed to and then left a month later, it had nothing to do with the author in question. I just belatedly realized I had more money coming out of my account than I could handle at the time and yes that weighs heavy on my shoulders. If its about the way I suddenly disappear in private chats, that's also something that shouldn't be taken personally. I genuinely have a hard time keeping up conversations with people, and I feel like a bother more often than not. If it's about the discords I join and then never participate in, see the above. If its about the way I fangirl or enthusiastically support some writers but not others, I never meant any harm by it. I just can't conceivably read everything that comes across my dash and, yes, my favorites are prioritized. Either way, whatever the grievances may be, anon will remain on until I start the revamp process some time tomorrow night so if whoever wants to air out their problems go for it. I probably wont post them but I will read them and try to learn from them, so have at it.

#small text so as to not take up so much room on people's dashes #personal #dumb bitch shit #I've already added a carrd to my bio so its easier to locate my age and such #I'd like to do a bit more with it but its late so : / #anyway I hope everyone's having a fine evening

[laerrynseelie]

TAD death/chronic illness theory

buckle up motherfuckers and blame the discord for this because this is about to get into some real fucking sad shit and it’s gonna be a very long post my apologies in advance (tw death! chronic illness! mentioning respiratory issues + tumour + hospital! please take care of yourselves)

for me, this all begins in Not Yet/Love Run, just from the words “not yet”. it’s all about someone (Mads) who is dying of a chronic illness, and the phrase “not yet” of don’t go yet, keep going, just a little longer. “it’s time to fight”, “keep running it’s up to you now”. and so through the song, they go on adventures in their head using their imagination and songs because that can’t do that irl, with 

sing me awake with a song about pirates

I’ll point you steer and we’ll rip up the map by the seams

or since you’re stuck inside, perhaps on bed rest or in a hospital “sip the sunlight from your eyes”, experience what I can’t, I’ll live vicariously through you, “sing me awake with all the things we’ll do today but instead we’ll build a den out of pillows and get drunk again” because we can’t do anything else. “run until your lungs are numb” is it a respiratory illness? “run from all you know that’s coming” is the end, connecting to this “run from all you know that’s coming”, “oh let the world come at you love”, “it’s not from what we run that drums / but what’s to come, what’s to come”. and “it’s nought that rum won’t solve / though some would harm you, none - not one - no none / will raise to you a hand nor thumb” nothing else can hurt you, or when you’re gone all this pain and suffering and hurt will end.

some more straightforward NY/LR things connecting to this is “but I held your hand as you shook in the middle of the night” “seems to me that you can’t sleep” “where is god ma” “I cannot find the words to keep you” “for all the things we wished we’d done”

let’s connect this to Pruning Shears! because why not destroy myself with my fav songs from this album first. “my entire life it’s running away too fast” is sung by Joey, and underneath Mads sings “my whole life”. her whole life is going, she’s about to die, but she’s his entire life and she’s about to go. and he’s listening to all these people talk about being rich and all this stuff that doesn’t fucking matter compared to the fact that she’s dying. “the best laid plans had it all planned” “we do each other’s laundry in our hearts sometimes” they were going to have this long, happy, domestic life, and it’s all gone straight out the window. “my fall makes no sound here”. “we don’t have time to fuck around”. “come back”. “doesn’t matter mate”. “forget the girl that she once was” “my whole life it won’t last”

this is gonna be a stretch, also with PS, but clothing from the “lost and found” because you didn’t have time to prepare? or don’t own clothing for a formal event? could it perhaps be... a funeral? and since she’s dead “yes I know you got your shoes from Oxfam” is like kinda omnipotent. “whatever you do don’t turn round” don’t watch me slowly die, or that voice you hear in your head that you think is mine isn’t, I’m gone. move on, “merry make me love forget the past”. “watching everyone I’ve ever loved walk past” she’s watching her own funeral.

“put up one hell of a fight against all my sins and the candlelight”, fighting against the illness, the “light” is death

alright so I really only made this theory for PS and NY/LR, but then I went through the other songs of Love Run and hoo boy buckle up because I am making myself sad with my own bullshit

king is preparing him for her death. she’s trying to make sure he’s okay after she’s gone “when you are gone away” “I’ll keep him safe from the dark things that wait” “rips into the bark of my bones”. is she buried at “the house at the top of the rock”?

I’ll smile as I climb the stairs (to the light) To the light that you keep burning there (all hell) And our muscles that are waltzing and our shadows that are bold sing Come rip up the flesh of my fears

is he dying to be with her? more evidence:

I know your fingernails are the colour of rust (come back) And your veins are empty of dust (but our voices)

and finally

all hell and its fire waits for us

Elsa’s Song? more funeral stuffs. 

I can hear the cannons calling As though across a dream And I can smell the smoke of hell In every stitch and seam And like flowers, the bodies tumble Around this muddied lot I cannot hear them scream ‘Forget me not.’

Because love does not exist here In this garden there’s no feeling

And in years to come you’ll wander To the place up on our hill And then you’ll cry to our painted sky ‘I loved him then, I love him still’ And you’ll strew some sage and lilies And roses where I rot Of all the flowers you picked I knew you would forget Forget-me-nots

want me to make Shower Day even sadder? I can do that! “its just a sitting down in the shower day” is already a v sad, energyless idea, could be from exhaustion, illness. but something I thought of is how people hide their tears in the shower. and he’s trying to keep himself strong for her, making sure she doesn’t see him sad. same with the other lines of the chorus

You’re the one who asked me if I’m feeling ok I said I’m fine

as well as “walk around all nonchalant”. along the same lines of her preparing him for her death:

Know you should love him but its such a pain Would have stayed if you’d had asked But instead you just walk away

You’re the one who told me to never look back Well I’m looking back and looking back And looking back and looking back at you

Pray, death, sin, yeah it all fits together real nicely. exhibit a:

Pray for me, I’ll run until I begin to understand What holy men really mean when they speak of sin 

I’m what’s left when children go to war Run from you, I’ll run until I begin to understand What holy men really mean when they speak of sand and sons and seams and symphonies and sweat and sex and sin

“when children go to war” I take as when battling a disease. also “the hearts I’ve broken” from dying when there are people who love me. very tfios, I know. staying with someone, “I’ll haunt the very wrinkles of your skin”. and finally, “my eyes are made of winter and these hands I hold are skin and bone” for eyes made of winter could be blue eyes, could be eyes drained of life, as winter seems sometimes. 

I don’t want to go into Little Miss Why So too much because it’s already so sad for me but here have some prominent lyrics

You’re going too fast You’ll burn up soon

Just to distract you 

I don’t know how to reach you when you get like this I’ve been waiting for you to come home

Full of people just pretending to be brave

You don’t see daylight anymore Something’s sucking out your core and it’s so boring

Why so sad I’m here and I’m alive Stop making up death wishes just take my life line

If I am good will you come back

it’s a lot, I know. okay, New York Torch Song! tumour. yes. 

It starts off like a pin prick A trick of the light oil slick Then grows to the size of your hand Turns you outside in Cigar burns and scar skin Ripping bone and nail and gland

connecting to this being a huge thing for both of them and trying to support the other through it but also not yet

From within this gaping wound of ours 

Can’t we just talk about this Tomorrow

I cannot find the words to keep you

and now death

But your blood does not bleed red no more

Are you god or devil

Two Minutes, another devastating song. for me it’s similar to Shower Day, of trying to be strong and not showing her how hurt he is. “give me two damn minutes and I’ll be fine”. and the “him” in the following lyrics is the illness:

If there was one place I could be right now I’d be standing there between you and him And I’ll fight you both, fight you both for the rest of my life long days

and death. again. and the bar thing I’m thinking of it sounds far away. the other dead children are calling for me to go to them.

These hands are growing cold They’re running out of things to hold

I can hear the children calling as though across the bar

and some repeats like “if you’re good will you come back” 

okay, that’s it for this theory in Love Run. I’m gonna go be sad now. goodnight.

#dear hearts #the amazing devil #analysis #tad #lr #love run

[gothsic]

        i sentence you to be exposed before your peers...

                                                        -- TEAR DOWN THE WALL!

so... once again, i’m floored. i mean, seriously floored.

i could probably say my usual nonsense, which is that i’m amazed, i’m flattered, and i’m even speechless at the amount of love, patience, and just downright kindness i have received since day one. tomorrow marks a month since this blog was opened, and i have to say that it has been one of the best months i have ever had in the tumblr rpc in all my years of rping.

that’s saying quite a lot!

i have to reiterate that i was incredibly worried about how jonathan was going to be received here. but the exact opposite has been true - if anything, you have all welcomed him with open arms, and been incredibly amazing rp partners in every sense of the word. i hope i return the attention you’ve given me thricefold. it’s true that i’m incredibly slow, keep piling on those ask memes and starters, but the real reason is because i just want to interact with you all in some capacity. i highly encourage those of you that have yet to do anything with me to send me something, and i can promise you i will get to it! 

but what does any of that have to do with an appreciation post? well, it really is just me rambling about how incredibly honored i am that you all have stayed here through thick and thin despite my slowness. you are all the real mvps! in fact, i wouldn’t even be here if it weren’t for all of you wanting to do things with me. really. you have no idea how much of an honor this is, especially considering that this is for an original character rather than a canon one. i just... wow! there i go again, failing to be eloquent!

the graphic above was thrown together tonight because i wanted to get this out this past weekend, but i figured the closer to my one month anniversary the better. that would have been october 1st, so sadly it’s a bit late. however, screw it! let’s throw two special occasions into one! i figured i would call it something different this time, as this is a bigger milestone than before.

so now that part one of this post is finished... let’s get to the good stuff. the follow forever list ( which i personally prefer calling it! ). read under the cut!

THE STARS WHO LIGHT THE PATH FORWARD:

the first up on this list are personal thank-yous to very special people who have made this experience so incredible. all of you have, but these are people i have known for several years, people i have grown close to quickly, or just people i have a lot of things to say to. i’ll probably even say these things to you in private in more expansive detail.

here are my appreciative ( albeit abridged ) comments to the following people:

@pistolbitten: tycho, you’re one of my bestest friends on this entire hellsite and even offline. the fact we haven’t met yet irl is fucking criminal - i hope that in the near future we can, though that might be kind of bad because i think the entire universe would just cease to exist if that happened. but we gotta try, right?? ANYWAY more importantly i want to emphasize that you are doing such a tremendous job with nack. i’m seriously impressed, and i want you to know that the work you’re putting into him is seriously amazing. keep it up because it’s clear to me you’re having a lot of fun. you really deserve it after everything that you’ve gone through in the past few years. you’re my little brother and it’s gonna stay that way! you know how i feel about you, but if you ever feel down, i will remind you again and again. you’re destined for great things, and you’re incredibly strong. but sometimes, it’s okay to feel a little weak. it’s human. you’re human.

@destructiveglitch: farida, i can’t emphasize how glad i am that we reconnected. i want you to know that i really admire the work you’ve put into making cadillac the amazing character that he is. you are seriously an inspiration to this community not only with the positivity you exude, but with the humor you bring to the table and the way you accept people with open arms. i strive to be more like you, and i am so proud to see how far you’ve come since we met a few years ago on this hellsite. you are seriously amazing, and so is cadillac - i cannot wait to see you chase your dreams even further; you’re an inspiration!

@daiteitako + all your other blogs: don i’m really glad we reconnected after i vanished kind of suddenly - again, i apologize for that. however, i really cannot wait to do stuff properly with you, but the most important thing i really want to say here is that a.) you’re incredibly kind, b.) you’re HILARIOUS and c.) your graphics are beautiful. also, i should mention that the dedication you’ve put into making all your muses your own is just stellar. i love it and i cannot wait to see more. i always appreciate our ooc chats and i’m so glad that i get to see your antics on the dash whenever your url pops up!

@dadadaemons: che... che. what can i say. when i came back to the rpc after a couple years of being gone, one of the things i really missed was having someone i could really connect with. honestly? it’s rare that it happens. but with you, it felt pretty instantaneous. i feel really glad to have met you - i feel that we can just shoot the shit whenever, and our muses have quite the relationship. i adore it, and i really feel comfortable talking with you - i hope that its the same for you. basically what i really want to say is that i feel incredibly lucky to have come across your blog and gotten the chance to talk to you, and eventually talk more ooc, i just... honestly? your writing is incredible, a mixture between tragic and comic, and i really adore it. it stands out. it’s you, and it’s unique. this is a little rambly, but i am really amazed at what you’ve been doing with your muses ( especially cherry ) and i cannot wait to see your work in a visual novel-type game someday. with your art skills? it’s bound to happen. you’ve got me to cheer you on!

@czhng: ángel... sends you the cat meme for the 10292373747th time ( you know the one ). just kidding! i feel like in the past week or two, we’ve grown pretty close. our ship has really blossomed into something fascinating and it’s really funny because the lovely people here on tumblr have absolutely no idea what they’re in store for. but better yet, i’m really glad i got a chance to meet you - i couldn’t have imagined how much fun we would be having together! i love sending memes back and forth, and also just talking about our characters, or hearing what you were up to or how you’re doing. while these may be simple things, they mean the absolute world to me. in short, i’m so grateful that i got to meet you, and i hope we can keep being even better friends into the future!

@cardinalrot: burns! you were one of the first people i think i formally interacted with on this blog, and while we briefly knew each other on my ramona flowers blog, i recently started talking to you more in depth ooc and honestly? you’ve made my time here so much better - you’re funny, you’re getting me into a band i barely knew about until i found your blog, and i just adore what’s going on in our group chat. i can’t wait to get to know you better, and better yet, see what ridiculous things our muses get up to as things keep rolling. you’re a lot of fun to be around and listen to, and i love hearing your ideas. honestly? you’re just a bright light on the hell that is tumblr!

@citialiin: basil! what a shock to find out we actually knew each other back in 2015! that was definitely a surprise. but above all, what can i say other than i’m truly amazed by a lot of things that have happened - that ziggy and jo have the relationship they do, that there’s some real stakes involved, and above all things, that your art is truly wonderful! plus, your writing is so wonderful to read - i feel that you really capture whomever it is that you’re writing, and what i love most about you really is that you’re incredibly honest about who you are, and your art manages to reflect that incredibly well. i wish you the best in your future endeavors, and i cannot wait to roleplay with you more! also, of course, chat ooc with you and get to know you better. plus? you, burns and i are truly a cursed trio - it’s great frankly.

@themoralpuppington: the fact that i keep finding you on every blog i make after all these years ( since 2015, can you believe it?? ) is a testament to how much i adore your writing, and just you in general, hayley. i need you on my dash to feel complete, as bizarre as that might sound. your passion for your muses, most of whom are pretty niche, is really a sight to behold. i admire how much time and attention you put into crafting them to be the best they can be, and your enthusiasm and positivity is also a sight to behold. i still remember the thread we had on my old him blog between him and dot, and that was probably one of the best threads i ever had with someone to this day - can you believe that? the point i’m trying to make here is that you basically make tumblr a better experience for me, and i’m sure many others - you are an amazing person through and through!

@luckblues: kat what could i possibly say about you that i haven’t already? you were there from the beginning, and on all your blogs we had some form of interaction - usually of the comedic kind. our conversations ooc have also been immensely hilarious to read, and the thing i really enjoy is hearing your thoughts on how your muses would react - not to mention whatever posts you make on your blogs, ooc or ic. i’m very glad i got to meet you, and also interact with you because your writing is just so much fun! you always put so much work into your muses and it is seriously an inspiration. keep up the amazing work, and i hope we can get even closer over time!

@toooldforgermany: hannah! i’m really surprised we found each other again - i remember just recently how we were trying to remember which of your many blogs we interacted on, and when we finally did, things slid into place. it’s true that i don’t really talk as much as i should, but what i do have to say about you is definitely truthful: you’ve really dug into what makes arthur such an interesting character, and i mean it when i say you made me more interested than i already was in we happy few. one of these days, i’d like to watch you play it - the clips you’ve shown me have been really something special - and i can see why you’ve put so much time and effort into getting him as close to the source material as possible. that in it of itself is admirable. what you’re doing is really special, and i can’t wait to see more, both with what you do next, and what our muses do next!

THE STARS I NOTICE IN THE DISTANCE, WHO TOO HAVE LIT THE WAY:

these are people whom i have known for several years, and want to continue to know better. we may have fallen out of touch a few times, but the important thing is that we are reconnected now. all of you listed here are special to me in different ways, and i hope that i can express this properly as i continue to do things on this blog. 

@guiltycharge + your other blogs / @heedingcalls / @puckish-rogue

THE GASLAMPS MADE FROM STARDUST:

now these are individuals with whom i have spoken to a great deal ooc, have had a lot of laughs with, or just in general have made me feel at home on this blog. chances are, we’ve interacted too. you have all made this blog special in a way that nowhere else on this site has made me feel before. i am having the time of my life thanks to you all.

@anammxlech / @dcfctivc + your other blogs / @loverslanetm + @aphroditetms / @psychexch / @tricksterfinale / @soughtcryptid + @horrormaestro / @hismanners / @shotbled / @richatire / @demonshe / @rubinsteind + your other blogs / @crimescupid / @crimsxnidol / @sociialpath / @pennepenned / @lovelypillar / @arizonadirtbag / @jihoney / @macabreatlas + @deathwitness / @innosen / @barbiemov / @charismastatic / @voieur + your other blogs / @flutterid / @maljefe / @spacymuses / @ryusci / @bledthrice / @bellecosebabe / @bestvictim / @bentme / @spectrisbound / @starlyht / @griefkept / @vortship / @necroticlimb + your other blogs / @gothicbite + your other blogs / @thegothfiles / @wretchedgoth / @hisnote / @dethrocuted / @justverdict + your other blogs / @stagekiller / @scarwritten / @plasticlioness / @ecentrici / @prdghtr / @drstmbrg + your other blogs / @espercr / @juvenileterror / @putrifyre / @9livin / @saturnincs / @batzie / @deceitfame / @princeternal / @autoptes / @empaethies / @vodkaraised / @censer / @maestrodarte / @ensular / @elleomet / @smallmoss + @heylincorporated / @eoleolhan / @pseudogaiety / @byerszombie / @toendwar / @rivalrus / @giftblessd / @girlrued / @godmeld / @russianllterature / @consultingsister / @desxderium / @aemiliiu / @infiltier / @yoursmary / @svperposition / @friendsfought / @reapinghook / @blossomingbeelzebug / @levyosn / @slashhers / @promdevil / @fvvckcff / @fuckingvictus / @killfame / @dnbrough / @nailfanged / @hellionrot / @hyacinthsgirl / @panamastayed / @shelcved / @spllcat / @battleridge + many many more ! 

THE HOMES ALONG THE STREET WITH THEIR LIGHTS ON:

the following individuals are those i watch from a distance, have yet to interact with, or admire their writing in some fashion. all of you are a joy to have on the dash ( and be mutuals with ), and i hope that we can one day do something together.

@animalcontrol / @atlantisking / @herbounty / @hxgure / @scaeld / @snowinabottle / @soleiltm / @strxnzo / @cultkiid / @clownin / @clownwork / @corpsemade / @demonwield / @orhabit / @demonicarchitect / @etrefurieuse / @unstabletm / @bulletmailed / @wordseen / @deadlcrd / @dojiryu / @garrotejima / @gothamcartel / @devilsitter / @imparist / @voicehost / @voidvoyeur / @evilwiithin / @thatcertainnight / @azircphcle / @biblicael / @ribmcde / @warwronged / @actorkills / @fourrarri / @fosterskeeper / @vicemirrored / @vmprwtch / @peacefulapostle / @honorborn / @wargod / @wonwars / @waywardsignns / @inorationis / @deathscorned / @ncisepcllution / @lycanlead / @hauntediris / @tommyhtm + your other blogs / @phantomally + your other blogs / @abisnorida / @frstpearson / @nytchld / @agentbeyond / @scouscr / @vplameni / @monikalone / @sheslayyys / @sheflirts / @skllington / @skeptus / @ultraviolentis / @greyheroes / @outlawiism / @doefied / @conseille / @seeksghosts + your other blogs / @forsesti / @blacklistcr / @betterhealing / @bowitched / @bonewitchery / @theednygma / @conseille / @soliswrote / @rebelstwo / @divisus / @diversifiedpersonas / @hisband / @grcndel / @dnawield / @soypeor / @talewoven / @yblchth / @halloweeenies / @coldslayers / @iilvecchio / @discandi / @beelzbvb / @snipare / @brenheir / @johtei / @pastfound / @necrogal / @necrophagic / @neonglowed / @halvtblod / @maskedform / @enkaioni / @deddomun / @knifewields / @kerflooey / @likespooky / @happymediium / @happykcd / @vladdad / @endheir / @curdledmiilk / @firstdraper / @thcfreak / @revengah / @lcstrega / @strlcss / @strigct / @hanahakioni / @mortuiflores / @bozojesus / @madeherchoices / @madburnishdetroit / @apostleled / @wiltpetals / @scmperviren / @rainbowsongs / @powertook / @mortiiicia / @mortuam / @macebre / @pestilencepriest / @huntsaliens / @huntpyre / @dptysns / @theppgs / @thicktville / @citylives / @cadaever / @jcinthedance / @jesteriina / @jehstr / @jenasil / @occultspecialists / @exorsista / @aislinqs / @gwaed / @obsessicn / @confcssed / @enravaged / @morbosi / @alwayscutoff / @personsuited / @edgecutting / @heaimed / @clownlike / @warjournal / @selfbest / @shekore / @senoyer / @nuiweion / @slayscryptids / @footagecaught / @toshapeshift / @eyeswaps / @eyedented / @crysbeckett / @4-6-4-1-9 / @gothsrot / @witchbonds / @vctivus / @realityrot / @realcomedian / @wulventyr / @montanaerobics / @sexwins / @coucheravec / @snapsbeast / @ordinryman / @deathtaught / @edhelgund / @herheal / @heavensdecay / @gumihc / @pestired / @byersmom / @skateshe / @wantlonger / @veiledpeak / @wasben / @apostaet / @girlquaked / @betterthanmorty / @ascotwearing / @witcheking / @yourbloodbelongstome / @omatics / @rcdteeth / @nomither / @prodigil / @prouddov / @obscenesupreme / @roguepiece / @isempath / @babaayaaga / @burglarie / @enruined / @visionsent / @spellfear / @spelltricks / @deadgirldani / @dctorsleep / @dcputyrook / @dcllparted / @huntsighted / @prceteritus / @wildardor / @vigilink / @cupidvvitch / @liftedrelics / @mediocremorals / @heamatic / @heartmiles / @omegles / @motivelacking / @mistoffelous / @bberkman / @blondieat / @starszakrew / @fraudcoded / @thequarrelsome / @deathatyourdoorstep / @egopath / @hariolor / @tolerhate / @useknives / @starleft / @jeanjacketed / @tiimedtm / @wanderlustmuses / @musewritten / @houseofwindows / @magicalshe / @ozwolff / @jigento / @cthlicdevil / @hailiing / @31daughter / @epitideios / @metareview / @fiercemarked / @iceized / @phantomwhisp / @abomichor / @luemiere / @blckaiser / @inqustve / @toheavyn / @atnoctum / @vicemirrored / @thirtnth / @pyoniumyankee / @onlycertainty / @putryd + many many others whom i’m currently following!

i wish i could have included everyone who’s currently following me, but just know that if we’re mutuals, you’re included. these are as many as i could remember, but i want everyone to know that you are all appreciated by me, especially considering how you are all really the ones to thank for making my time here so wonderful! you are all amazing, truly amazing. in the coming weeks, i will do my best to interact with mutuals new and old.

keep your chins held high. each portrayal is special, each roleplayer brings something new to the table, and if you ever need a friend, i am always here for you.

once again, THANK YOU ALL for your support!

                                                               SINCERELY,                                                                                         ALEX

#SOMETHING ABOUT YOU MAKES ME WANT TO KEEP YOU IN MY LIFE. - BIAS LIST. #( i made this promo graphic like........ last week ) #( or actually earlier this week and then i HAD TO REVISE IT WHAT THE FUCK ) #( I... WOW ) #( falls back on my bed as i go back to writing starters and ask responses AHHH ) #( im gonna announce the q & a as well... perhaps ill do that sunday ) #( ANYWAYS HAVE THIS ) #( i tried to get as many as you as possible so... forgive me... )

[brokebuckkmountain]

Today was the worst

(long rant ahead, mostly about workplace politics with irl problems sprinkled in for flavor)

So. I’ve already been in my feelings lately due to like: life sucking, it’s the plague times, I am struggling to find a psychiatrist despite being told it was imperative I get help immediately, it’s winter and winter makes me sad, I’m losing friendships left and right thx to Miss Rona, I hate my job, yesterday was the one year anniversary of my breakup, there’s tons of gossip about me at work for things I genuinely did not say, and some of my work buddies are ignoring me for no apparent reason (including my best friend who has been ignoring me since my literal birthday a month ago? It’s all her friends that are ignoring me to it’s hard not to think it’s something related to that). Also, those PMS mood swings are a bitch.

I wanted today to be a good day. I wanted to get up early. I wore my new clothes and new perfume and was excited to train a coworker I genuinely like who was never trained when she was hired a year ago and struggles to get through her shifts. I mean I volunteered to do it for free because she deserves the help. But no no. Today was not a good one.

-I was woken up at 3 am to a litany of text messages from an ex asking to hook up again. Promptly fell back asleep and missed my later alarm, causing me to have to skip my workout this am and rush my shower.

-My boss didn’t assign my trainee online learning or make a schedule, told me I was a “strong enough trainer” to just do what I felt needed to be done. That was all he said to me, no further instruction. This is important later. Trainers and trainees are considered non-coverage and I run into an issue with this everytime I train- shifts want us on the floor doing different tasks than what I’m actually teaching. I personally think being a little backed up for 30 minutes is preferable to new hires not knowing how to do things because they never got one on one time, but most supervisors think otherwise.

-My trainee and I had about 25 minutes until our joint lunch break. She had expressed to me that knowing more about the mechanics of coffee- what is the body of a shot, why does it expire, what’s the difference between blonde and regular- was helping her, so I decided 25 minutes whizzing through that part of training before lunch was fine. I was immediately chastised by someone we’ll call Manager 1 because that “isn’t part of the training”. It very much is, and is available on every training resource, it just never gets taught because of time constraints and corporate not really caring about coffee quality. Manager 1 has consistently made a scene every time I train a new hire over us doing training and not just whatever she wants to get done. Manager 1 is also known for berating almost every one, and has lied about altercations that never happened between me and customers before to our manager. So she’s not exactly a fan favorite of mine. I maintained that the coffee basics was part of training and returned to the back, planning to use that time to do coffee basics and more memory games for drink recipes.

-After about 5 minutes, my coworker came to the back and told me the two managers wanted us out there helping. I went out alone to tell Manager 2 (who was technically in charge and generally less awful) what we were working on and asked if they really needed us or if they’d be okay. She said they needed us and Manager 2 began snapping that we were floor coverage, that my trainee was supposed to be on the floor all day, and that she had no business in the back “staring at a computer screen” (which we were not doing, but I digress). Since this is about the fourth time I’ve had this issue with this particular manager, I responded that we were supposed to be doing whatever I felt needed to be done, not working the floor. When they maintained that they were “under the impression” from our boss that my trainee and I were to remain on the floor all day, and we were coverage, I said “I guess I got confused by the dashed lines on the schedule that signify non-coverage as us being non-coverage” and went to get my trainee.

-My trainee knew the situation because she had overheard, got super nervous, and started making drinks wrong that she had been making correctly all day. During this time I overheard Manager 1 and Manager 2 not-quietly discussing them both texting our boss to complain about me. Fair, I guess, since I planned on doing the same when I was on my lunch. At one point they both left the bar area to send their texts and squat by the safe while waiting for it to unlock (it’s on a timer and beeps when it’s ready, no need to hover) which only infuriated me more- they moved us to bar so they could leave it. When it was finally our lunch time I sent my trainee and was pulled aside by Manager 2. I tried to move the conversation to the break room (something I have always been adamant about- not publicly berating coworkers in front of others) but she stayed on the floor where multiple people were and reprimanded me for my bad attitude. I told her I was never instructed to stay on the floor, had a schedule, and would’ve been more flexible if they had actually spoken to me rather than yelling and demanding. She maintained that I had a bad attitude and needed to follow orders. I said, once again, “mutual respect goes both ways, if you want me to incorporate things into my training schedule then you need to have an actual conversation with me about it and not demand it at random”. She said that as my superior I wasn’t allowed to “talk back” (ignoring my point that they had both, indeed, begun yelling at me) and told me my bad attitude “wasn’t a good look” and that she didn’t feel I was understanding. I said I understood perfectly that I shouldn’t be rude, but that they shouldn’t yell at me either, and I wasn’t going to take unprofessional yelling to pull me off my job as a trainer. Manager 2 didn’t listen to a word I said and kept going “you can’t have an attitude, do you understand?” so after a period of staring at her silently I said “Can I clock out for my lunch now and proceed with training?” and walked away.

-After lunch I was able to continue training, only because that part of the training constituted us being on the floor helping. I apologized profusely to my trainee for putting her in that situation, reassuring her that regardless of who was in the “right” or the personal issues of the people on the floor, my first priority was her being able to successfully learn and feel comfortable. She told me she had a hard time focusing on drinks and was anxious after the scene, and that she felt the public reprimanding I received was far out of line and unprofessional. I told her I knew that, but being as it was two managers against one me, I would probably still receive a write up tomorrow morning and not to let it worry her when it did go down (tomorrow is our final day of training and my last day before a long break from work, so I know it’s going to happen in front of her). She said she would talk to my boss on my behalf and I told her not to worry, I didn’t want her pulled into workplace drama, but she insisted it wasn’t right (she is considerably older than everyone in the workplace and I think a little protective of me since we volunteered together and I’m the only one who doesn’t chastise her for small mistakes). We’ll see if she says anything tomorrow but I don’t want her to feel like she has to “go to bat” for me and involve herself in unnecessary drama against people who will lash out at her.

-While trying to clock out, I overheard Manager 2 trying to get other coworkers of mine to give accounts against our boss to his superior over not liking their scheduling. Perhaps I’m biased, because I am friends with my boss and literally vacationed with him this summer, but he is the type to listen to concerns and always give people the benefit of the doubt. I’ve never seen him give a write up and he bends over backwards to accommodate people. So whatever their issues are, something tells me they haven’t brought it up to him. Manager 2 frequently breaks safety protocols because she “doesn’t care if she gets Covid” and has vacationed out of state many times resulting in us not allowing her to come back to work and being short staffed. Despite this, I’ve never given my boss her name when he asks who is breaking safety protocols. Manager 2 is well known for being deeply unpleasant, her and my boss have been at odds for years from working together at another location, and has frequently tried to egg on other employees to get our boss in trouble while refusing to make any formal complaints herself. If you’ve been following for a while, she’s the same ass-kisser who used to say my old boss could break any rules she wanted and allowed herself to be constantly demeaned in hopes of a promotion (10 years without a promotion and she thinks it’s unfair rather than realizing she’s mean and unpleasant, chooses to attack the people who do get the promotions she wants). I know there’s a way to spin those two plotting against my boss as a way to cast some doubt on their accounts of me, but no way to do it without being a blatant shit disturber who’s just retaliating. Which is not how I want to live my life. But he deserves a heads up.

-Now I’m sitting at home with an arts and craft project I came up with to give my coworkers all a gift before the New Year and no desire to do it. Like, fuck these people, why should I do something nice for them? Even though I know the majority are good people, just not the ones in management. No energy, completely lethargic (yay depressive episode and still no antidepressants because I can’t get ahold of a goddamn psychiatrist even though my GP okayed the antidepressants herself), wishing I just could get a better job but I need the insurance at mine. It’s one thing to be constantly belittled and insulted by customers (and a very big thing, at that), but to get it from coworkers too just makes me feel awful, day in and day out. I know I’ve hated my job for the entire 3 and a half years I’ve been there and bemoaned how much less interwork drama I’ve had at every other job I’ve had (so I don’t think it’s all me, many agree it’s a toxic environment likened to a high school), but quitting a job you’re great at, passionate about (at times), live super close to, that gives you insurance, during a pandemic? Harder than it looks.

Life sux. Super anxious for tomorrow. Thanks for reading. Pls don’t reblog.

#i should text my boss since i KNOW he's gonna wanna talk tomorrow and my anxious ass will forget half of what i want to say #but thats also nerve wracking i guess #personal

[lesbian-octoling]

Hey guys, Xeno drama ((you know, about the banner and hate and whatnot)) below the cut if you don’t wanna see it!!! 

@mrkamabo--co Hello! I don’t know if you’re ever going to see this, but. It’s here.

First of all, yes, it’s me! lesbian-octoling, rhi-draws-things, whatever you wanna call me. I’m making this because I’ve heard through a friend of mine that I trust that you are a relatively good person, and while I don’t agree with everything you’ve done, I figured i might as well try to clear things up between us.

First off-

I’m sorry.

This is a 100% genuine, formal apology. I am sorry your medical issues are acting up, I understand completely. I had and almost identical use (albeit with chemical imbalances making me throw up, instead of breathing/heart issues, but both caused by stress), so I get it.

I’m not here to stress you further. In fact, I’m here to try and resolve the issue. I don’t want you to feel the way you do, and I don’t want to start more drama. I should know, i’ve been receiving nasty shit for a while. If you don’t want to read this- that’s okay! Don’t stress yourself, dude.

I just feel like this is important, because we never actually talked- and lack of communication often leads to violence.

But there are a few thing I wanted to address- first and foremost, the ‘xeno free zone’ banner, and the tags.

#‘you’re a coward cuz u wanna draw them with t^ddy’#i don’t do that in the first place lmao#and if you’re going to say:#'its actually scientifically accurate!’#nope it really isn’t #why?#why would squids/octopi evolve to have digigrades/muzzles/claws on their hands?#why would they look like goats with their eyes and muzzles?#they would have flat fish face!#have squid/octo hat heads!#like the third stage in their canon evolution!#exaggerate that if you want scientifically accurate squidlings/octolings/inklings!#otherwise.. yall just makin them into furries tbh#note: i have a surplus of fursonas#k peace

Ah, I hope you don’t mind me going off a bit, but I did want to say things!!!

Muzzles: Inkling beaks, IRL, are very long! they just look flat because.. well, squids are long! But if you put that into something shaped like a human head, they need a bit more room to stretch out.

Claws: they’re not actually claws, they’re hooks! Just like real deep-sea squids have hooks made of chitin that can retract back into their tentacles, which is why i made them like that. As you can see when they go back into heir squid forms, their arms and legs ARE just evolved tentacles!

Here’s a cool example of the hooks, as compared to some of my squid hands:

‘goat noses’: This is because… it’s not a nose! A real squid breathes through it’s siphon, which is one, large hole. That’s why their nose is like that- it’s not two nostrils, it’s one hole, but flattened down so it’s not just a big ol’ hole in their face. If it was, things might get into it, like dirt or bugs or.. i dunno.

Digigrades: admittedly, this is just because it’s fun, and theres no reason they shouldn’t. Any other similarities to cats is just… coincidental, really, as cats and squids have a lot of similarities (liking the sun, chasing lights, etc).

Eyes: Actually, this was a mistake. When i FIRST started getting into splatoon i was like ‘wait squids have horizontal pupils right’ and only found out later that no.. that’s octopi! But oh well, it was a bit late, eh? live and learn.

I’m not saying its fully scientifically accurate- hell, course it’s not! But its more biologically accurate than having them being made of ink. Mostly, I just think it’s fun, cus I’m a budding biologist and I think it’s cool to explore these concepts.

Ok! Thats all I gotta say. I just wanted a chance to explain myself, s’all! As for the banner itself… while it may have been joking in nature, I do think it was a bit rude. Kinda like swinging a bat at a hornet’s nest, yeah..? Like you said- “but yknow tumblr be tumblr, and i honestly expected This™”… you gotta watch out what you say sometimes. You could’ve made it more obvious that you were joking- putting ‘XENO FREE ZONE’ with bit red X’s and ‘feel free to reblog :)’ just has.. a very mean tone to it, and it rubbed a lot of people the wrong way, regardless of your intentions. It really didn’t sound like a joke, to a lot of people, including me.

Though, maybe, we’re all just a bit wary- I’ve been receiving asks telling me to- quite literally- kill myself, multiple times, over this. I also know several friends who have gotten the same messages (a few of which don't even draw xeno, but simply because they are my friends). I think me (and other xeno artists, though I cannot speak for them) have a right to be wary, when we’re so used to being bashed. A lot of people are scared, and it doesn’t make what some people said right, I’m just… telling you why that massive backlash happened.

And by ‘massive backlash’…. if I’m being honest- and I don’t mean to make it sound trivial- a lot of the responses to those posts weren’t truly mean. Some people sent a clown meme, a lot of people responded with ‘why are you hating us, were just having fun’. A few were pretty mean, yes, but I could count them on one hand. These were light hearted in nature, and nothing like some of the truly nasty things that could’ve been said. You wouldn’t believe the things I’ve received in my inbox…

I think a lot of this could’ve been avoided if your post right after had simply been an apology. Instead of playing the victim card, simply say ‘ah, that last post was a joke- i sincerely apologize, and I might’ve worded it poorly’. That’s it. And it could have been avoided if you said, in the tags ‘this is a joke post don't take it seriously’. But instead, you went on the criticize xeno aspects. Not saying you’re wrong, but pointing out why so many people took it the wrong way.

But.. the main thing I wanted to address was this post.

I.. can’t say I’m in the right, but I can’t say you are, either. I probably shouldn’t have made that post- but it was meant more as an off-hand joke. I didn’t mention you at all, as I didn’t want anyone to hate on you. It’s more of a running joke for my blog of ‘sexy tartar’, which is why it was funny enough that I brought it up.

#can’t feel safe#when i put an opinion out there#its easy.. to ignore a post yknow…? It’s also easy not to make a joke like that. Again- maybe you intended it as a joke, but it’s like one of those shitty april fools pranks where you tell somebody something bad happened. We got scared. Doesn’t make it right of us, but it doesn’t make it right of you, either.

But the ONLY thing I’m truly angry about- if you saying that ‘you, a minor, don’t feel safe because you’re being shat on by an adult’. The reason this makes me mad is because… I’m 18. Barely. And you’re 17. I’m… not even a full year older than you. I’m still in high school. The way you worded it made it sound like i’m a 32 year old getting off on sending hate to a 13 year old- and that’s not even close to the case. That is not cool, dude.

Anyway. Sorry about that, though I hope you can see why I’m.. unhappy with the wording. I’m trying to solve things here, not make them worse, ha…

And.. yes, I did block you. But not so you wouldn’t find out. You can still see my blog; i know this. I blocked you because I’ve been getting hate anons for the past few weeks, and I can’t be too careful with who I block. I’m tired of people telling me im ‘ruining the fandom’, so I tend to block at leisure, or when I have suspicion. And a big ‘ANTI XENO’ banner is reasonable suspicion, yes…?

Again, I apologize for that post, but i was not doing to to spite you, just because I found it funny. I didn’t contribute to the spreading of hate to you in any way- I am very anti-hate messaging, and very pro ‘block and ignore if you don’t like them’. Which is.. what I was trying to do, but I didn’t want to leave us on that sour note. I did not encourage anyone to ridicule you on your post, or send you any sort of messages and asks.The only people I complained to were my girlfriend and a select few close friends, who i KNOW would not participate in any sort of hate spreading.

I’m not asking you to be friends with me. I’m simply trying to clear off any misconceptions- I’m fully welcome to hearing what you have to say back. But…

All in all, I think the gist of what im trying to say is that we all made mistakes, and we should both own up to them. I’m very sorry about your heart condition- I sincerely, 100% hope you get better. And I’m hoping that by talking it out, we can clear things up and not let it stew..? I know that sometimes these things tend to eat at me until I fix them, and that is all I’m trying to do.

I’ve unblocked you for as long as it takes for us to resolve this issue, if you would like to move to DMs, or to discord. Either works. Or.. don’t respond at all, if you don’t want.

Have a nice night, and I hope you feel better!

#drama #please don't reblog this unless you're @mrkamabo--co #im tired and don't wanna fight; dudes

[chrysalispen]

prompt: ‘your character, age [X]’

an irl friend’s prompt. I was given age 9, so here she is, nine years old lmao

======================================================

His rap on the door went unanswered for some few minutes before he heard the tumbler turn and the creak of moving hinges. A petite, handsome Miqo'te woman with auburn hair stood before him wearing a long apron over a simple day dress, her expression haggard and somewhat annoyed.

"Ah, good day, madame," he said, clearing his throat and hastily digging out the paperwork he'd handed to the guard earlier. "Are you, erm, Lee... ah... L'haiya.... Eyahri? I'm sorry, this writing is blasted illegible."

That vague irritation cleared almost immediately, and he understood that whatever vexed her, it was nothing to do with his arrival.

"L'haiya bas Eyahri," she said, wiping her hands on the apron covering her long skirts. "I presume you have come for the assignment?"

"Yes, madame. I am Genault Dunenard."

"I've refreshments waiting in the parlor; you look as though you could use something cold." She gestured to someone or something behind him. "The stablemaster will see to your chocobo and your things. Come in."

The house was not ostentatious, but the furnishings and decorations were still more fine than he would have expected of anyone on a mid-ranking officer’s salary. She led him into a modest parlor area where sandwiches and various other finger foods were artfully arranged on a silver tray, along with a pitcher of lemonade filled with ice crystals.

"Please, sit," the woman said, gesturing to a chair covered in a lightly faded gobelin fabric. "What were you told of this position?"

"Not much, madame. We were given to understand through the viceroy's messenger that the request came from a family dwelling in Ala Mhigo. I suppose it was assumed they might be Ala Mhigan aristocrats who threw in their lot with the Empire."

"No. I shall be brief, then." She poured the yellow liquid into a glass and handed it to him, the ice crystals chiming pleasantly. Once he took it, she sat down in the plush chair on the other side of the table. "As they have spread their numbers south and elsewhere, some few noble families have elected to colonize provinces rather than remain in the capitol. The young mistress of the house is one of those children. Her mother has recently passed away, and her father's work keeps him ensconced in the viceroy’s palace when he is not visiting installations across the province, so she is left nearly without parents at all."

He tilted his glass this way and that, glancing out a nearby window. A small cadre of men in imperial uniform passed down the thoroughfare past the iron gate, talking and laughing, and the ancient shade tree that partially blocked them from view waved idly in the hot summer breeze. "Would it not have been more practical to send her to a boarding school in Garlemald? Surely the Empire does not lack such institutions."

“The family wished to do precisely that, but her father refused. Said he wanted the girl in her home as long as it was feasible.” She offered a polite smile. "They have the funds to spare."

"So you are her caretaker?"

"Her governess, yes."

As if to punctuate her words he heard the shouts of children from without the house. That irritated expression returned and she let out a sigh, setting the glass down untouched. 

"Speaking of your charge, I suppose I must needs fetch her. Your task, Master Genault, is to mold her into a suitable candidate for formal education. The family fully expects to send her off to a school of their choice the moment her circumstances allow, but in the meantime I'm afraid you will have your work cut out for you."

"How so?"

"It is my opinion that the young should be allowed their youth. I've tried to let her have as much of a childhood as I can, but her noble relations would be utterly scandalized if they knew she spends half her days rolling about in the dirt with the locals-"

The source of the shouts burst through the back door, followed by the loud stomping of multiple footsteps not unlike like a herd of gazelles stampeding across the plains. Or perhaps two miniature, very irate whirlwinds.

"-when she's not halfway up every tree she can find," L'haiya sighed.

"Sazh! Get back here, that's mine! Papa gave it to me for my nameday!"

"You already said I could borrow it!"

"Not all day! All you're going to do is watch boring old field exercises aga- Elle!!" 

The parlor door was flung open at last, causing both its occupants to startle at the tall, spindly child who barreled into the room shouting at the top of her lungs in heavily accented Common. Her honey-blonde curls were tangled and littered with dirt and tree twigs and her pinafore was covered in more of the same. She was out of breath and her little face was twisted in a fierce scowl.

"Elle, tell Sazh to give me back my spy glass!" she demanded, stamping her foot. "I told him he could borrow it, not keep it!"

"You had it for ages, Aurelia! It's my turn!" came the angry, protesting cry of another child from the doorway. 

Aurelia’s eyes narrowed, then she braced her hands on her hips and shot back:

"You get what turn I say you get because it's my swiving house!"

L'haiya's jaw dropped. She drew herself to her full height (which if Genault were honest wasn't that impressive, seeing as the urchin before her was easily as tall as she was) and slammed her glass down on the table hard enough to make its contents splash and rattle. "Aurelia Laskaris! I ought to have Cook wash that filthy mouth out with her dishrag!"

To his surprise, it worked. The Garlean girl cringed, shoulders shrinking as she visibly wilted beneath L'haiya's fury.

"Sorry, Elle," she mumbled. She blinked in Genault's direction, seeming to belatedly realize her bedraggled state, and tried to wipe her cheeks with the sleeve of her dress. It mostly just moved the dirt around rather than removing it; her third eye stood out as the single clean spot on her entire face. 

He bit back his laughter with some difficulty.

"What have you been doing all this time?” the woman was scolding. “I told you to draw a bath and prepare to receive your guest two bells past!"

"I was outside studying!" she said defensively.

"Studying what? Botany?" L'haiya reached out and plucked a leafy twig from the child’s hair, with no attempt to be careful. "You look like you've been living in the jungle with the birdmen. And where did you pick up that kind of talk? I know it isn’t Sazh. Was it Bertwald and Terzie again?"

"There was a decurion going past with one of the patrols and he said-"

"What's that to do with you, girl? That sort of talk has got no place in a lady's mouth. Now go upstairs and wash yourself before you embarrass yourself further. And you'd best come back down here ready to apologize to your guest, understood?"

"Yes'm. Sorry," Aurelia repeated. She turned to look at him and managed a wobbly curtsy with the most pathetic attempt at salvaging her personal dignity he had ever seen, tilting up the corners of her filthy pinafore. Then she beat a hasty retreat through the parlor door, a flush creeping up her pale cheeks.

At least, he thought, she wasn’t in earshot when he started laughing.

#just clearing out some more wips #ffxiv writing #aurelia laskaris #ages prompt #now that i think about it 'pathetic attempt at salvaging her personal dignity' is just this character in a nutshell #she wants so badly to be calm and dignified but i think internally she's just a socially anxious dork

[lycorogue]

Gabriel Agreste: A 3-Part Character Study

Part 1: Why a Character Study?

I actually had to revise this about three or four times before getting to a point where I felt comfortable posting it. Even so, I wasn't sure if I wanted to do this three-part series, or just post the second and third parts as separate entities.

See, this whole thing started off as a simple observation/shower-thought, and just grew. Shower-thought became a mini-essay on how Gabriel SHOULD have been written to be a sympathetic character, and how they got him wrong. As I was writing it, the mini-essay somehow transitioned into a sort of headcanon character-study short story.... thing. It would have been easy enough to post the short by itself, but I felt I would have also needed a bunch of “I'm not condoning Gabe's actions” disclaimers. Likewise, the “how he should have been written” mini-essay could have stood on it's own, but I like tying them all together. In the end, I felt this introduction to explain my train-of-thought would help improve the next two parts of this series.

If you want to just get to the short story that makes up Part 2, you can jump to it here. If you want to just get to my essay about how I feel Gabriel should have been written, you can find Part 3 here. If you do want to know how my mind created either of the above parts, you can read more below the break.

This whole project started on Friday when I was working on a scene where Adrien (as Chat Noir) hears a story of Tom and Sabine having a bonding moment with Marinette when she was only about five. Most people would probably default to “Adrien has no clue what that's like” or “He only had bonding moments like that with his mom.” I was going to have the same thought, but after watching Style Queen and how Gabriel spoke both to and of Emilie, I wondered if he was more affectionate when she was around. Maybe the reason Adrien still craves his father's love so much, and accepting of any shown, is because Gabriel has only been this cold since Emilie “disappeared.” Maybe Adrien is used to his father actually being a decent father. Adrien is smiling in the family portrait with both of his parents. Perhaps Gabriel used to laugh and run around with his son, having water balloon fights or something. Wouldn't that be fun to picture? Adrien even stated in the Adrien’s Double Life webisode that his father has changed since his mother's disappearance.

Something kept pulling me from that thought, though. Adrien still calls his dad Father. If this cold distance - this wall between them - is only a year or so old, why would Adrien be accustomed to calling his dad something so formal if he also calls Nathalie by her first name and his mother Mom. Clearly this isn't a strictly formal family or upbringing.

No, while I'd like to believe that Gabriel was more attentive and nurturing with his son at least while Emilie was around, I still don't see him and Adrien bonding. It still seems too formal a relationship. I've seen too many of my friends refer to the step-father that raised them and bonded with them as Dad while their biological father they barely see is “father.” It's an impersonal sign of reluctant respect.

That being said, Gabriel couldn't possibly be just this cold, cruel person; the epitome of this cruel characteristic shown in Sandboy when he ordered Nooroo to not speak, and sealing the kwami's mouth as “a joke.” (Side note: I’d like to think that Gabriel didn’t realize he had THAT much power, but didn’t want to show weakness by apologizing, so he played it off as “it was just a joke, seriously...”) Anyway, my point is that I don’t believe Gabe could have been this way his whole life. He seems to surround himself with too sweet of people: Nathalie, The Gorilla, and Emilie (based on how Adrien misses her and speaks fondly of her). If the school threw a friggen party to celebrate Chloe moving to NYC (as seen in Malediktator), there's no way the Gabe we know could attract the loyalty (and love) of the sweethearts we know are closest to him. Besides, I know Thomas Astruc must be trying to make Gabriel a sympathetic villain. All of the reveals about Emilie, The Scene between Gabe and Nathalie in the beginning of Queen Wasp, and the rare moments of Gabriel bonding with Adrien; they all seem to be leading us to at least sympathize with Gabriel's plight. Maybe even see ourselves in him: being so in love with someone no one and nothing else matters but them.

This is when I transitioned into my “how he should have been written” mini-essay which takes up Part 3 of this series. Again, if you want to jump to that you can do so here.

So then I tried to move back to my original quandary about Gabriel being so maddeningly in love with Emilie, but still distant from Adrien the kid's whole life. How could that be possible? How is this the same man: so full of love and yet unsure how to showcase it? That's when I thought about someone in my personal life who seemed to answer the enigma.

See, I was fortunate enough to grow up with parents very similar to Tom and Sabine, so a cold, distant, neglectful and/or abusive parent is a foreign concept to me. I knew that Gabriel had to have a reason though. He doesn't hate Adrien. He's not purposely cruel to his son (and we have seen that Gabe’s not above being cruel in order to try to akumatize someone). While it’s clear that Gabriel has no clue how to show it, and is going at parenting in a horrendous way, there are still scenes that prove that he does very much love Adrien and wants him safe.

Sure, Nathalie pointed out in Style Queen how much danger Adrien tends to be put in (if only they truly knew), however, Gabriel has a contingency. If he fails, and Ladybug cleanses the akuma, then she can restore Paris. And any harm that befell Adrien would be reversed. We'll pretend PTSD and other such mental/emotional trauma is also taken care of.... On the flipside, if Hawk Moth wins, then he has both Miraculouses and the power of a god. He can revive Emilie. He can heal or revive Adrien as well. He can do whatever the hell he damn well pleases, and his family will be healed and whole again. So, to him, Adrien isn't REALLY in danger. At most the kid would be scared until the battle is over.  

So what IS the deal? I don't know if this is truly what Astruc is aiming for, but based on that IRL person I spoke of a couple paragraphs ago, I suspect Gabriel acts the way he does and seems so callous towards Adrien because he loves Emilie TOO much.

In the latest episodes we’ve seen more and more of Gabriel’s drive for being Hawk Moth. In the first Origins episode we are introduced to Nooroo via Gabe closing the Moth broach with a picture of Emilie inside. In the Christmas special we know that Gabe is more closed off than usual due to the loss of his wife. Zombizou closes the akuma portion of the episode with HM stating that he’s certain to have his wish granted if love is so powerful. We see him visit Emilie in Style Queen to talk about how much he misses her, and how much he's trying to get her back. Finally, in Queen Wasp we witness the anguish Gabriel feels in “failing” her, as well as his sincere belief that Adrien would understand everything Gabe is doing once Emilie is back home and with them again.

Long and short? It is painfully obvious that Emilie was this man's sun and moon. She was his world; his heart; his everything. He is but a shell without her. Nathalie tries to be his conscious and compassion, but it doesn’t have the same affect due to his blind, tunnel vision love for his wife. It SHOULD be sweet. Key word there though is SHOULD.

Again, I go into more about this in my “How Gabriel/Hawk Moth Should Have Been Written” essay in Part 3.

Getting back to my IRL example. I know a man whose wife was his everything. You wouldn't realize this at first, because the two of them were like the old couple neighbors from 1950s sitcoms. The Bickersons. Stick around long enough though, and you’d see that the wife was the pumice stone that filed off the husband’s rough edges. She truly was the light of his life, his everything, and even his compassion towards other human beings, which is now very much how I picture Gabriel and Emilie.

The wife of this IRL couple originally thought she couldn’t have children. Then, as a “honeymoon gift,” she got pregnant with her first. Of course this made the baby girl their little miracle. The wife doted on her daughter. She knew no love greater than that of being a mother. Her attention was mostly - and appropriately - aimed at her child. Unfortunately, this made the husband jealous.

He wouldn’t say as much, and I know he tried to not act upon it. He tried bonding with his daughter, and mostly did a good job. She does have pleasant memories of him. However, as she grew up, and her mother became her best friend - and vise versa – the husband became more jealous and salty. He loved his child, but he wasn’t as compassionate or empathetic as his wife was. His job with this young woman was to raise, to teach, and to protect. Not to bond. His wife was the only one worthy of bonding with. The rest of humanity sucks.

Thinking about this man was the initial inspiration for this whole trek to try to explain Gabriel, and potentially what Astruc had planned for him. I could see Gabriel being very much the same way: an overly devoted husband, and a descent father, even if he wasn't one that really bonded with his son.

As I was writing out more of this essay on how I now picture Gabriel as this man I know IRL, I realized it had a sort of story element to it, so I ran with it. You can read my pseudo-short about my new headcanon of Gabriel and his relationship with his family prior to us meeting him in the series in Part 2.

Please know that in no way am I condoning his behavior both as a villain and as a parent. I'm not even really condoning his actions as a husband. It does help me, though, to better understand him as a character. To understand why he acts the way he does.

For those interested, I'll see you in Part 2.

#ML #Miraculous Ladybug #fantheory #LycoRogue fantheory #long post #part 1 of 3 #Gabriel Agreste #Hawk Moth #Minor spoilers #season 2 spoilers #ML spoilers #Style Queen #Style Queen spoilers #Sandboy #Sandboy spoilers #Malediktator #Malediktator spoilers #Queen Wasp #Queen Wasp spoilers

[cottagecori]

hey look it's your turn. ALL OF THEM.

I’M ACTUALLY GONNA DO IT THOUGH (under a read more bc it’s loooong)

jasmine; what mythical creature do you wish actually existed?

DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS DRAGONS 

lavender; soundcloud or vinyls?

Vinyls!!! I wish I owned some but we don’t have a functional record player in my house (we have a broken one that my dad keeps telling me he’s going to fix but never does which is fine i’m fine)

primrose; what book does everyone right now need to read?

I have two. PRIDE AND PREJUDICE AKA MY FAVORITE BOOK OF ALL TIME and Night by Elie Wiesel because it is just so power and eye-opening 

lunar mist; do you like wearing other people’s shirts/jackets?

YES YES YES I AM WEARING MY DAD’S OLD HOODIE RN BECAUSE IT’S SOFT AND GIANT OTHER PEOPLE’S CLOTHES ARE THE BEST. When i have a relationship, I will steal my so’s stuff all the time so yeah

bird of paradise; what was the best thing that happened to you this month?

I started a vlog and it’s actually really nice to do

gardenia; what’s a promise you’ve recently made to yourself?

to stop pretending like i’m okay and admit when i’m hurt

lion’s fairytale; would you rather be the sky, the ocean or the forests?

Oh god oH GOD THAT’S SO HARD 

Probably the forest because it can be a million different things. It can be a getaway, a mystery, a familiar place. it embodies the feeling of seeing an old friend after a long time and i love it.

whirling butterflies; would you kiss the last person you kissed again?

i’ve never kissed anyone so

marmalade skies; do you plan your outfits?

only when i have to be formal the rest of the time that shirt that’s on my floor works great

apricot drift; how do you feel right now?

numb

everlasting daisy; what’s the last dream you remember having?

i was in boston with you, rose, and my irl friends and we had this giant apartment overlooking the commons and i went to college at emerson and it was nice until there was a murder (bc i was watching scream) and i woke up so yeah i have strange dreams

queen’s cup; what are you craving right now?

french toast with strawberries

lavender dream; turn ons/offs?

maybe another time ;)

water lilly; when was the last time you cried? why?

uh Monday. I have intense family problems that i can’t talk to anyone irl about and then my dad got really mad at me. 

lily of the valley; did the one person who hurt you most in your life apologize?

no. 

winterberry; do you bite or lick your ice cream?

both depending on where it’s from 

honey perfume; favorite movie ever?

DO NOT MAKE ME CHOOSE

desert rose; do you like yourself?

does anyone really?

snapdragon; have you ever met or seen in person a celebrity?

I saw Corbyn Besson at my mall once but that’s it

night owl; how many countries have you visited?

I’VE NEVER BEEN OUTSIDE OF THE US AND IT SUCKS

heliotrope; have you ever been in a castle?

^^

creams and sky; what’s the craziest/bravest thing you’ve done?

asked someone out?

lantana; what’s on your mind right now?

the fact that i overslept for a mock exam so now i’m kinda stressed out about how the actual exam will go

pumpkin patch; what’s your zodiac sign?

gemini!

tulip; name 5 facts about yourself.

i can play 4 instruments and am learning a fifth, i like cats more than most people (depending on the people), i love sour candy, i’m addicted to makeup, and i’m not a huge fan of coffee

daphne; do you believe in karma?

to a certain extent

queen of the meadow; ever been in love?

thought i was, not so sure anymore

wisteria; whom do you admire and why?

my friends. they’ve gone through some tough shit and have come out even stronger.

angel’s face; what was your favorite bedtime story as a child?

too many tamales

remember me; did you make someone laugh today?

i have no clue because it is 11 am

iris; do you believe in ghosts?

yes

lilac; if you could go back in time which time period would you visit?

could i change skin color too, bc otherwise i don’t have a lot of options (probably the 90s)

caramel kisses; would you want to live forever? why/why not?

no, because i feel like if you live forever there is more a chance for you to not live at all (thanks tuck everlasting for the lesson)

primula; what makes you sad?

way too many things

rain lily; was today typical? why/why not?

nope it’s a saturday and i’m emotional

queen anne’s lace; who do you trust the most?

mak, rose, carolyn, linh, my irl friend group, sammie, brenna, caroline

lady’s slipper; what did you have for breakfast today?

dried mago slices (i know i’m sorry, i’m making waffles now)

forget me not; do you have any regrets looking back in your life?

oh god so many

lunaria; what’s your favorite fictional universe?

anywhere with magic and dragons so i can go visit my friends easily

violet; favorite tv show?

The Office

sunflower; share a favorite quote.

I use this one a lot 

“Nothing is worth more than laughter. It is strength to laugh, to abandon oneself, to be light” ~Frida Kahlo 

snowdrop; what does your ideal day look like?

Walking around the woods, taking cute pictures in fields of flowers, sunny day, starry night, cheesy romcoms played off a projector, good food, better friends

tiger lily; do you have any hobbies?

i write music, it’s hard

peony; share a small random book passage that means something to you.

i can’t think of one off the top of my head unfortunately

tea rose; what’s something you always wanted to do but were too scared?

open mic nights

honeysuckle; do you usually date people your age or older/younger?

older idk why i’ve just always been attracted to older people

sweet pea; who means the world to you? why?

my friends because they’ve stuck by me even though i’m fucked up in my personal life and in my head

love in the mist; best books you’ve ever read?

Pride and Prejudice, Night, Ender’s Game, Fangirl, The House on Mango Street, Harry Potter

foxglove; who is your favorite cartoon character?

Phineas, Ferb, and Perry the Platypus

magnolia; coffee or tea?

tea duh

crown imperial; would you rather be extremely rich or extremely loved?

extremely loved

snowflake; are you a dog or a cat person?

IS THAT EVEN A QUESTION 

bell flower; what is your biggest addiction?

listening to sad music when i’m sad

cosmos; do you ever think about the galaxy?

god it’s so fascinating i think about it probably more than i should

moonflower; what’s your favorite color?

yellow/teal

freesia; do you have a good relationship with your parents and siblings? why/why not?

Parents: complicated. Siblings: Fuck Yeah

sundrop; are you a morning or a night person?

Night but i’m trying to trick myself into being a morning person

poppy; have you ever dealt with a mental illness?

still dealing with depression

clover; how would your friends describe you?

loud, annoying, barely funny, takes no shit (i’m paraphrasing of course)

dandelion; do you consider yourself and extrovert or an introvert?

none of the above. i’m a lil bit of both? 

lilly; what’s something you love watching/reading but you are too embarrassed to admit you do?

I’m not really embarrassed about the stuff i watch

anemone; describe yourself in 3 words.

Emotional, Wannabe, Broadway?

lotus; best memory as a child?

baking things with my dad while my mom blasted music throughout the house and cleaned

angelonia; what is your eye and hair color?

Brown, Black respectively 

dahlia; do you like crystals?

yeah!

buttercup; if you could change one thing in the world, what would it be?

guns wouldn’t fucking exist

baby’s breath; what’s your hogwarts house?

R A V E N C L A W BITCHES

calendula; biggest pet peeve?

people who think they don’t have to be kind to working people or leave a giant mess for them to clean up because “it’s their job”

blanker flower; would you rather go to a cocktail party with your best friends or stay home and read a book/watch a movie with your pet?

i love my friends but give me a rom com and a cat and i’m set for life

blazing star; share a secret.

you wish ;)

carnation; would you rather live longer or happier?

happier 100%

petunia; who’s story is your biggest inspiration in life? why?

Frida Kahlo. A badass bitch who did so much and never let her injury get the best of her. also Emma Gonzales 

bluebell; do you wear glasses?

yuup

nymphea; forest or river?

forest

orchid; do you like exercise?

FUCK NO

pansy; do you like poetry?

i write my own ♥

morning glory; any special talent that you have?

songwriting? singing? playing flute? idk man

i’m so sorry if you actually got this far

[chenria]

Romance asks *cough* for Calliope *coughcough* all, maybe? ^.^

All… ALL??… okay… let’s try…XD

But this goes under a cut because it got quite long ;)

1. What drew your character to their LI and vice versa?

They met in a bar and had a one-night-stand. Neither of them was proud of it… but when they met again by chance it was super awkward… their mutual friend Nivalis (character of @lonyn) said they should figure this out… so they met for lunch and talked and they clicked. They just liked each other’s company… Cal liked Gladio’s sense of humor and Gladio enjoyed Cal’s wit. Lunch dates turned to dinner dates and some more after a while. 

2. What was the first moment that they knew they were in love with their LI?

That was when both thought the other was in grave danger. When Insomnia was attacked and Cal raced through half of the town to make sure Iris was fine (and helped them escape Insomnia). And Gladio knew when he felt the overwhelming relief after hearing that Iris was safe and that Cal had come to help them. 

3. When they are having a fight, what is it about and how do they deal with it?

Mostly stupid things. In the beginning both can’t really deal with their feelings for each other. Since they can’t really “go away” at some point they deal with it by sulking and sitting next to each other until one of them caves in and apologizes and they start talking again about why they started shouting at each other earlier. 

4. Their favorite physical feature on each other?

Okay… my two dorks being superficial? Cal adores his tattoo … and his broad frame. And I see Gladio really liking her hair and the back tattoo she got to compliment his.

5. How do they comfort each other when they are sad?

Gladio makes her hot cocoa or pours her a glass of wine. Cal offers a cup of ice-cream and a camping-trip weekend (and Cal hates camping, but to see Gladio happy she endures it every now and then). 

6. Who is the big spoon?

Gladio ;)

7. Favorite date activity?

Open-Air cinema night. It means being outdoors (which Gladio loves) and watching a movie (which Cal adores). And they eat popcorn and nachos and cuddle :3

8. What are their most prominent memories of each other?

Cal will never forget the first time she saw Gladio train shirtless (the tattoo). Call her superficial, but she likes looking at him. Gladio was so proud of his girl when she got her badge and entered active police duty and how happy and confident she looked in her new uniform. 

9. How open are they with their feelings?

Once they accept that they are madly in love with each other… it gets better and they are pretty open about their feelings for each other. 

10. Do they have pet names for each other?

Both use “Babe” as pet name. It started because Gladio called her “Babe”.

Cal: Don’t “Babe” me, Babe!

And it stuck ;)

11. Do they have any inside jokes?

Oh, a few and they all would need a mature tag if I wanted to explain them :P 

12. Do they have similar goals? If they clash, how do they deal?

Both have the goal to serve the king… Gladio wants to be worthy of his position and Cal wants to be a great cop… it mostly doesn’t clash. Both understand that sometimes their jobs need time and attention, too. 

13. How do they react at being away from each other?

They are both adults. They can deal with separation. Then they text each other often and at night they phone - for quite some time if possible. They miss each other and whoever was away makes sure they celebrate it properly when they are reunited again. 

14. Is there anything they associate with each other?

Calliope associates anything “eagle” with Gladio. And when Gladio sees anything that has to do with the Insomnia Police he thinks of Cal... that sort of association? 

15. Does their view of themselves differ from their partner’s view?

For Cal quite a lot. She doesn’t think she is anything special or strong enough to be worthy of Gladio. He would argue that any day. And Gladio would doubt he manages to offer her enough attention aside his duties but Cal never feels neglected. 

16. Jealous at all?

A little, they can’t deny it. Cal works with lots of men in (pretty) uniforms. Gladio eyes them suspiciously quite a lot. And Cal sometimes worries when Gladio accompanies Noct to formal occasions where there are pretty ladies. What if one of them is more appealing?

But at the end of the day they are faithful and trust each other. 

17. Their ways of expressing their love.

They say it openly and quite often. Cal and Gladio also like to hold hands. On a more intimate level they both are well aware that the other loves them and that it is very much mutual ;)

18. Is their any way they disappoint each other?

Neither Cal nor Gladio can cook... but they try and are both disappointed at themselves when it’s not working out again and they have to either get take out or invite themselves over to Ignis and Niva again. 

19. Describe how they communicate.

They actually talk to each other. And they text when they are at work, or sneak in phone calls during lunch breaks. 

20. Did either person change at all, to be with their partner?

No... they are pretty much the same people. That’s why they get along so well. They accept the other for who they are. Gladio calmed down a little with Cal, and Cal got a little more confident with the help of Gladio... but nobody changed to be with the other. 

For the creator

21. Personally, do you think they are a good couple?

Mostly... yes. They are sometimes ying-yang and bicker ... but at the end of the day they are a great team and make each other happy. Neither is taking advantage of the other, they are people with a life without the other - though they have more fun being together than being apart. 

22. From the outside looking in, what is their dynamic like?

The bickering couple where neither is admitting that they are adorably cute around each other. 

23. Did you tailor your OC for the other in the romance?

Not really... Cal developed in chats with @lonyn and started to shape up... she was not tailored to be with Gladio... it happened that they worked out in my headcanon... 

24. Is their any moment that happens between them that you know happens and just makes you melt?

They were broken up when Insomnia fell. Even though Cal did everything to take Iris, Talcott and Jared out of the city. It was her duty. She owed Gladio when she promised she would keep an eye on Iris while he was gone. When they met again in Lestallum and Gladio met Iris she told him all about their escape. It was later that day that he met Cal who had been out in town running errands and trying to get information. And when he saw her Gladio just walked up to Cal and kissed her. ♥

25. Share any headcanons about their relationship.

They have their separate places for quite some time, even though Cal mostly spends her nights at Gladio’s place at a later point. His place is bigger and closer to her work, too. In the mornings Gladio gets up first to go on his morning run. Cal can’t be persuaded and besides it’s Gladio’s personal thing to go running. So when he gets back and showers Cal mostly gets up and prepares breakfast - or joins him in the shower for some early morning fun before work claims them again for the day ;)

26. How important is the romance in your OC’s overall story?

Fact aside that 98% of it only exists in my head ... it’s romance 50/50 mixed with detective stories... 

27. What makes you excited about their relationship?

They are equals. Neither of them is a minor character without the other. They don’t need the other to function, as I said before. They manage to surprise each other and care for each other as well as still challenge each other occasionally. 

28. Is their any similarities to your OC and LI’s relationship to one you have had IRL?

I am a very happy single woman with hardly any experience in relationships... so no, this is just me hoping to give the characters some interesting lives. 

29. What are your favorite moments that happen between them?

The Fluff. For example Gladio always makes her hot cocoa after long and exhausting days in her job (as police detective) and then they cuddle up on the sofa and watch some silly TV shows. Or Cal gives Gladio a back massage when he is all tense. Or when they cuddle on the sofa - Gladio is reading and Cal is playing on her tablet and both just calmly and quietly enjoy to be with each other.

30. How does their love change as they get older?

It grows. They realize that they found the missing piece in their lives. They happily return to each other at the end of a tough day at work or a risky mission. 

31. Share anything you would like about the couple!

In the canon ending of FFXV Calliope dies before the final stand. She and Gladio don’t last through the 10 years because Gladio withdraws, thinking he failed his duty to protect his king. How could he protect someone else? So they grew apart and broke up. When the team gathers back for the final fight against Ardyn Cal joins them as well. She dies protecting Gladio from an Ariadne-daemon. 

(This is not happening in the alternate-verse after Episode Ignis...) 

#painterofhorizons #calliope sinceritatia #ffxv headcanons #gladiolus x oc #gladio x oc

[headcanon-baby]

dear mr. min (fuck me, fuck you) pt. 3

jimin regrets everything in life. including sending the lengthy, hormonal, angst-filled shit letter to his future boss aka Agust D aka ‘mr. min’ aka, “fuck you joonie hyung, why can’t you have uglier business friends????” AU that literally nobody asked for.

or

a series of ‘professional’ e-mails and texts between park jimin and a certain mr. min (as well as their totally useless ‘best friends’).

chapter summary: agust d doesn’t give a shit, doesn’t give a fuck. (except he does when it comes to cute boys in B&W filters and adorable Tinder profile descriptions) (again, this chapter is brought to you by very-done receptionist lee jihoon. he regrets everything, including fucking his boss at the age of 17.)

(one anon asked me why they couldn’t read the 3rd chapter of this fic so i clicked on the link and found out the url suddenly couldn’t be found. so here’s the reupload!)

to: <agust d ride my d> from: <parkjimin>

subject: i'm so sorry!!!

dear mr. min,

this is jimin (the one who sent you the disrespectful email). and i would like to formally apologize for the way I reacted earlier this morning. i was drunk and while i know that that's not a good excuse for drunk texting I would like to say I'm really sorry again and please don't think badly of me because of this. if it's possible, i'd like to make it up to you with some coffee?

(i promise i'm not trying to bribe my way into your good books. i swear.)

yours truly, park jimin

"boss, you've got an important email."

"who is it? i'm busy."

"scrolling through tinder and super liking every gay guy you see isn't what i'd call 'busy' boss."

"get to it, brat."

"it's that guy again. he asked -"

"just reply with something to show that i actually care."

"you su -"

"just go," yoongi waves him off as he aggressively super likes a hot guy with a B&W filter and the cutest eyesmile he'd ever seen. what was his name...? 'park jimin'? and what was up with that cringey 'i was born in busan first'...?

(still. how darling, yoongi thinks as his stare lingers a little longer at the way the man's tongue darts out of his teeth and honestly dies a bit inside because wow.)

how fucking adorable.

"who's it this time, boss?"

yoongi sighs deeply, which could mean two things: either namjoon broke something extremely, irreplaceably expensive (eg. yoongi's phone, yoongi's patience etc.) or -

"yah, i want to nail him to my desk, jihoon-ah."

jihoon - predictably - cringes at the sentiment. he knows what it's like being 'nailed' to min yoongi's goddamn work desk - or the aftermath of it anyway. there's lube running down his ass cheeks, his hair stinks of spunk, and at the end of the day he's given a lingering reminder of the 'event' in the form of dark hickeys splattered across his neck and finger-shaped bruises on his hips.

he fucking loved it. but he's never going to tell his boss that. he already had enough stroking of his oversized ego.

(and his diiiiick lol.)

"that's nice boss."

"how come i've never met such a person in my entire life, jihoon-ah? it's a conspiracy, i tell you. so many gay fish in the world and i fall for the bisexual one."

lee jihoon is speechless when he glances at his boss's new phone from the side and silently, wordlessly wonders if his boss even bothers to look at his email recipients.

"boss - "

"shh. go back to work jihoon-ah. your boss is in love."

"..."

...if you even bothered to read your emails, you'd probably love him - and his ass - even more, jihoon thinks dryly as he works up a devious smile and waltzes back to his desk with a plan forming in his mind.

"have fun on tinder, boss."

"oh trust me, I will."

jihoon can't help his smile turning into a full on smirk as spins in his chair, cracks his knuckles and double-clicks on park jimin's latest message.

now, who said being a receptionist didn't have its perks?

time for some fun, jihoon awakens his inner taehyung and cackles evilly as he begins rapidly typing back a reply.

to: <parkjimin> from: <agust d ride my d>

subject: re: i'm so sorry!!!

dear park jimin-sii,

it's alright! i forgive you. everyone's entitled to a day of bad life decisions. i have them 24/7. in fact, why don't we reschedule your job interview to next week, so i can take you up on that coffee date? i've heard of a great cafe at garosu-gil if you're interested. (it's a cat cafe, actually. if it's too expensive for you i could pay for most of it. i'm not a stingy old grump like you think i am.) hope to hear a reply from you soon!

P.S. you have a great ass. do you model?

yours, mr. min

family support group

squishy mochi <file attached>:    

to: <parkjimin> from: <agust d ride my d> subject:re: i'm so sorry!!!

omg hYUNG HYUNG

squishy mochi i DON'T KNOW??? WHAT TO SAYY??? like THANK GOD?? HE'S NOT ANGRYY??

squishy mochi BUT DID HE REALLY JUST COMPLIMENT MY ASS???

wow, fantaestic baby to be fair, you've gotta great ass

jungshook i can attest to that

✧✧✧prince of shade✧✧✧ too much information my child

squichy mochi well you dumped this great ass so sux to be you <:

jungshook oh my god LET IT GO

i'm your hope J-HOOOOOOOOPEEEE is anyone going to mention how jimin wrote 'sucks' as 'sux' like some emo teenager

joon.ie how odd

joon.ie yoongi doesn't normally reply back unless its on tinder and he's got a hmu and then he'll reply even faster than how long jungkook lasts in bed

jungshook h HYUNG

✧✧✧prince of shade✧✧✧ BURN

i'm your hope J-HOOOOOOOOPEEEE as quoted by tae ""throwin shade further than my GPA""

wow, fantaestic baby ^^^

jungshook #stopbullyingthemaknae2k17

squishy mochi #how about no lol

squishy mochi back to the point

squishy mochi should i??? like??? reply?? what if i get rejected??? i don't think my body can handle another hookup with a questionably 'platonic' best friend again

wow, fantaestic baby ooh, is it my turn yet?

wow, fantaestic baby *still midkey offended that u picked the baby over me last time*

jungshook oi

squishy mochi i was thinking more of hoseok hyung actually

i'm your hope J-HOOOOOOOOPEEEE AW YEA BOIIIIIIIIIII

squishy mochi nevermind tae you can go next

wow, fantaestic baby rEKT

i'm your hope J-HOOOOOOOOPEEEE :<

squishy mochi don't be sad hyung i'll give u a bj later okay? (´ ꒳ ` ✿)

i'm your hope J-HOOOOOOOOPEEEE ♥♥♥♥♥ thanks minnie ily

✧✧✧prince of shade✧✧✧ sometimes i forget minnie isn't actually a pure cinammon roll irl

squishy mochi wanna fuck my thighs tonight, hyungie? (´ ꒳ ` ✿)

✧✧✧prince of shade✧✧✧ yes please

joon.ie hey

squishy mochi threesome? (´ ꒳ ` ✿)

joon.ie that's better

jungshook what's wrong with this fucking family

extras:

"you really need to stop hanging out with jackson-hyung, hyung."

"really, why's that mingyu-ah?"

"your evil smiles are starting to look like his."

"i'm OFFENDED," jackson shouts over from the 'engineers meeting' (which was code for poker with doritos as betting chips) with an exaggerated body wave.

jihoon wants to reply when bambam the cleaner slides out of the closet and dabs aggressively with jackson.

"lmao," joshua from the technical department says loudly as he passes by not giving a fuck.

#bts fanfiction #bts #bts fanfic #seventeen #carat #svt #bts army #yoonmin fanfiction #lee jihoon #kim namjoon #kim seokjin #min yoongi #jung hoseok #park jimin #kim taehyung #jeon jungkook #funny fanfic #reupload #dear mr. min pt. 3

[actuallyvady]

personal ranting under the cut

For a long time, my friends have associated me with villains. Maybe they’re discussing a cosplay group-- ooh, Vady would be a great [insert villain here]. Maybe I’ve just asked ‘hey, what character do you see me as?’ and they all go for a villain. I get it, I really do-- I do adore a lot of villain character designs and latch onto people that are sometimes regarded as villainous. It’s far from exclusive-- my favorite character archetype is not a villain type-- but it’s a thing. 

I didn’t realize how much it bothered me until Hux. I can’t really trace when it started to bug me, but I do know that I have been actively trying to distance myself from straight up evil characters/sentiments for at least a year, around the same time I realized I never wanted to wear Hux again. Hux is his own special case; I ended up with gross things like actual Nazis thinking I would agree with them and one creep hitting on me by telling me “the national socialists were really snappy dressers.” (I wish I were making that up.) It might be that that drained the fun out of the rest of them, I don’t know. I do know that the timing works out to blame all of that-- but either way, it started to bother me that people had this association. I didn’t say anything, just quietly dropped all my actually evil cosplay plans and started doing more heroes, that sort of thing. 

This morning I posted a thing asking people what they think I should cosplay. Someone said Data, from Star Trek-- an idea I love, Data is a favorite character-- and then someone else decided it would be cute to suggest that I do Lore, instead. (For those unaware, Lore is basically Data’s evil twin.) It was the last straw-- a meaningless little comment, except that I have gotten so tired of all the meaningless little comments. So I posted asking people to not do that. Specifically, I said this:

A short PSA:

While I have cosplayed a lot of villains and often like characters whose morality is shades of grey, this is far from the only kind of character I like and I am getting tired of friends consistently associating me with "evil" characters. Villains have fun costuming. Complex characters are interesting. But I wanted to grow up to be Luke Skywalker.

I realize I created this expectation for you, but I am formally asking you to stop. I'm not a villain and do not want to be.

EDIT: I suppose I ought to clarify. I don't think any of you really think I am evil. What bothers me is that in the constant assumptions about who I will like, identify with, or want to cosplay there is an implication that I am one-dimensional. It's somewhat dehumanizing to be distilled down to a single trait. People seem to see that I favor villains and just... stop there.

I have played into this, I know. I didn't know it would bother me. So I am not blaming anyone-- you couldn't have known.

I got more than one apology from the person who had made the Lore comment-- he didn’t quite get why it bothered me at first, but he immediately apologized. Many of my friends leaped to reassure me that they didn’t think of me as such, others apologized who didn’t really need to. A few made thoughtful comments that brought tears to my eyes about how they actually see me-- but then, none of these people were the ones that were bothering me. This was probably my favorite:

You know, I mostly see things like...out of all the characters in Overwatch, I picked Zenyatta as being the 'vadiest' one. I see you as your inquisitor more than I see you as a villain. And sometimes, yeah, I remember you cosplay villains, but then I remember you talking about WHY you liked Loki, and why you picked Kid Loki for NOT being a villain and why Siege and his storyline were so captivating. You cosplay the stories and lore and it just so happens those characters are sometimes not always the good guys - but that's what I remember. I hope it helps a little, knowing that I think of those.

A few people I spoke to privately also understood and offered sympathy. There were some comments that missed the point entirely, and I tried to not be annoyed at it because they obviously hadn’t understood why I was upset. 

... and then there’s this.

have associated you with villains, not as villains in general, but as fun characters, as they tend to be more interesting than the heroes they go with. Dr horrible and loki exemplify this. When there's an interesting non-villain in something, that's what I picture you as. (Smartass Judy and smart asser semi-moral nick Wilde > bellflower for example. You are not bellflower. You very much are nick. Maybe Judy.) When I say "villain" I never intended for it to mean "all villains", though I see and apologize for how it became that, I meant "interesting, differently moralled characters who usually play villains in standard media stories" How would you rather I categorize that?

I’m going to start by saying that this is a person I have never met IRL and whose tone in text tends to get on all of my nerves at once; they always read to me as talking down to everyone, and it bothers me. So my reaction on seeing that they had commented probably meant that I was biased from the start. However.

If I say “hey guys, I’m really tired of being pigeonholed into this one type” the appropriate response is emphatically not to be defensive and explain to me why you doing it is okay. 

I am trying really hard to not snap at this person. I am not Dr. Horrible and you clearly do not understand what I liked about Loki. I am emphatically not Nick Wilde; my favorite fucking character in that movie is Clawhauser, and I would rather be associated with Judy and her boundless optimism than any of the people you might describe as “differently moralled.” I didn’t take the time to write out all of why I don’t like the association; I had hoped my friends would accept it and move on-- as most of them have. But this one? Here’s what I would like to say to her:

How would I rather you categorize the characters you have come to associate me with? I don’t care. If you consider yourself a friend, maybe try learning a new association rather than defending the one I have just said I don’t care for. Quibble all you like about definitions, your “differently moralled” characters are not me. That’s the whole point of this post-- people have this association, and I have come to greatly dislike it, and I am asking people who call themselves my friends to stop doing it. Instead of getting defensive about why it’s okay when you do it, maybe show me an ounce of respect and ask what it is that bothers me. Or, you know, get to know me better and develop a new association for me. 

I have a type! They’re not “differently moralled.” In fact I consider many of them to be deeply moral people; most of my faves are. Flawed people trying to do the right thing are really compelling to me; characters that can be described as “semi-moral” are not. My actual favorite characters are motivated very strongly by doing what they believe is right. Sometimes they’re wrong, but they believe in their cause.  

(... yes, I said I like people with greyscale morality; that is a very different thing. It means they do not see the world in black and white, not that they do not think right and wrong matter. Profoundly good people can have shades of grey in their morality; they see the capacity for good in what a more strictly black and white person would write off as bad. Or perhaps they believe the ends justify the means, and are willing to make sacrifices-- sometimes not their own-- in order to do what they see as right; that also goes against a strictly black and white world view. Shades of grey does not necessarily mean “semi-moral.”)

Anyway, it is late and I am cranky and I should wait until I am not cranky before replying. So I’m ranting here instead... though I’ll be cranky in the morning too, and probably any time I look at it, so we’ll see.

#personal #don't mind me i should have been in bed like two hours ago