#to the anon that told me the mental health shit this morning: thank you for waking me up

[towriteloveontheirarms]

Can I request Xavier taking care of sick fem reader please

Here you go anon. I hope you enjoy <3

You look like someone ran you over

pairing: Xavier Thorpe x fem!reader

synopsis: You come down with a cold, so Xavier takes care of you.

warnings: none, literally just fluff

word count: 0.7k

You had felt it coming for days. Creeping up on you until had you in its clutch. The revenge for underestimating what a sick roommate could do to you and yet you couldn´t so anything to fight it off. Not all the tea and sleep in the world could have possibly helped to prevent the runny yet at the same time stuffy nose, the coughing and the resulting sore throat, it did nothing against the ache that spread throughout your whole body. What was worst of all though was the general feeling of sensitivity, physically and mentally. It was just the worst. You had made it your mission to get better over the weekend, but all the effort was to no avail. Come Monday morning you were feeling worse than ever. As a consequence of all the suffering you also didn´t answer your phone to any incoming texts or calls. Your friends knew you were sick anyway so who could possibly want anything from you.

Well despite all your friends knowing about the state your health was in at the moment, one person didn´t know and you neither showing up to the lessons you shared on Monday nor answering any of his messages worried him out of his mind to say the least. So in the afternoon Xavier made his way over to Ophelia hall to see if you were still alive. Knocking on the wooden door he heard shuffling and your weak voice cursing under your breath before you greeted him.

“What happened to you? You look like someone ran you over.”, he ignores your warning to better stay away from you right now and steps in the room.

“Thank you… Truly. Remind me to never take care of anyone sick ever again if I ever have that idea like ever.”, you pulled the blanket around your shoulders and over your head tighter when a shiver runs through your body.

“Will do. Now come on, you need to lay down again.”

“I´m sorry I didn´t answer my phone. I just couldn´t bring myself to.”

“No need to apologize. I no you are alright now. Well relatively.”, that stupid half smile on his lips makes a small smile spread on your face too. “Now you´ll stay here and don´t move. I´ll be back soon.”

Xavier pulled another blanket over your shivering figure, before he stands  up to leave. What was his plan now?

As it turned out you wouldn´t need to ask yourself that for long. In record time he made his way to wherever he was going and back to you. This time it was your roomie who opened the door to him as he made his way over to put all the stuff he brought on the little bedside table, almost knocking the cup of tea over with the plastic bag.

“What is all that?”

“First of all tea with honey.”, he hands you the warm cup. “And then about all the pain killers I could find.”

You take all the pills he gives you and set the now almost empty cup aside. He even stays with you until you fall asleep from the medicine working, overhearing the weak protest as he gets into bed with you skillfully.

That´s all you do in the following week. Drink tea, sleep and occasionally protest your loving boyfriend spending too much time around you. You were convinced he was gonna get infected next, but whatever you said fell on deaf ears.

Secretly you were a little glad about it. Cuddling Xavier always helped you feel better. There was just something about being spooned by him, his arms wrapped so tightly around you… All of it had you back on your legs by the end of the week.

Your nurse however couldn´t say as much. Just like you had predicted Xavier now was the one coming down with the worst case of a cold you had seen him suffer from ever since you gotten to know him. Of course you nursed him back to health like he had done with you, but not without giving him a little shit, because “I told you so, Xavi. Now drink your tea and stop whining.”

#xavier thorpe #xavier thorpe x reader #xavier thorpe x you #xavier thorpe oneshot #wednesday netflix #wednesday netflix one shot

[sexycontainmentprocedures]

From 2016 and still accurate as could be! My dad found this one in particular tonight.

"We live in the age of the virtual pillory. Across communities like YouGotPosted, the revenge-porn hub/blackmailing scheme, or 8chan’s doxxing and raid board, whose server Fredrick Brennan conveniently formatted after its admin was caught selling Social Security numbers, or Gamergate, the “cringe-worthy breakup story” that became a self-sustaining witch hunt against women in tech, a highly recognizable positive feedback loop of abuse and harassment plays out: A target gets dragged into the public eye, more people begin to abuse them, and that abuse escalates as individual trolls try to one-up each other. In the eyes of the mob, the target’s life is a game, and the object is to screw it up as much as possible.

"The largest virtual pillory, and the one that best exemplifies its ethos, is Kiwi Farms, a loose community — centered on a forum and two wikis, with some activity on Tumblr, Twitter, Steam, and “lolcow” chan boards — that specializes in harassing people they perceive as being mentally ill or sexually deviant in some way."

It is literally impossible to use KiwiFarms and be anything other than a horrendous person who will rot in Hell. 👏 Yes, capital Hell.

The existence of people like KiwiFarms doxxers are a big reason I'm a gun owner! I sure do love living in a Constitutional Carry state with extremely clear stand-your-ground and castle doctrine laws. Good thing my local police already know my family and I very well from our entirely offline harassment situation with trespassing hunters several weeks ago. The law is clear in all ways.

Pardon me peaceful followers, but I need to get Real with these stalkers, directly, for the first and last time, following a family conversation:

Have your fun painting me however you like, KiwiFarms fucks stalking this blog. I don't just hate you, I loathe you; I associate you with the Devil himself, the purest evil there is. Your actions give realism and life to my moral, spiritual, and political beliefs. I will never delete the absolutely irrelevant posts of mine which you use as "proof" that I am a creep; I will never delete this blog or move it as you so repetitively insist I will do; I will never hide my face from you no matter how much you post it; I will not change what my car looks like; I will not change my Foundation universe tattoos, in fact i will get more. You want to destroy everything I've made of myself and you are losing. You've already lost. If you ever try to escalate to physical violence, as your doxxing culture encourages, the law is on my side and I will not hesitate in the slightest. I know you can get my legal name and address if you look hard enough; I don't care. I live in the middle of the backwoods where no one questions gunshots at any hour. If I were slightly more standoffish than I already am, I might even give you a dare.

In any case, I will never give up on exposing the truth about what happened to me. I don't care how long it takes. Months or years. My family and I will never let you win. You're evil. You will rot in Hell. Have fun calling me a religious gun nut; peace out.

#not directed at my followers obvs #politics #harassment / #violence / #this will likely be my last post for a while but i won't delete the tumblr app yet in case any normal/good people want to message #to the anon that told me the mental health shit this morning: thank you for waking me up #I'm done wallowing and with my dad's talk today i am not Lost #long post #discourse / #edit: months to weeks typo regarding hunters

[fruitcoops]

Hey I was wondering if you could write something kinda angsty but with a pretty ending with the cubs, I’m trynna project getting stood up and turning it into something nice and good, even if it’s just in my head. No pressure but I just wanna smile for a bit and your work always makes me do so :)))

Hello lovely! I’m so sorry that you were stood up--that feels awful and whoever did it missed out on a wonderful person. I’ve combined this with some other asks in the same vein (y’all wanted my boys to hurt) so I hope you don’t mind. Sending love and hugs your way! Sweater Weather credit goes to @lumosinlove​ <3

1. Bad mental health day for Finn + pushing himself too hard + passing out (ft. Bee anon!)

2. O’Knutzy boiling over with a fluffy ending

3. Insecure Leo

TW for internalized guilt, vaguely implied self-harm (pushing himself too hard at practice), and relationship arguments

Finn had a few bad habits. He left dirty dishes in the sink, could never remember which setting the laundry was supposed to go on, and barely wiped his shoes on the doormat before entering the house. He wasn’t proud of his flaws, but he acknowledged that everyone had some—as long as they didn’t hurt anybody, it wasn’t the end of the world.

This one…this one was different. Even Finn knew that.

He gritted his teeth for the next set of squats, ignoring the ringing in his ears and the climbing nausea in his gut. The chart only said to do three reps, but he had been beating himself up for slacking a set earlier in the week and decided to do five to make up for it.

That, it seemed, was a poor decision.

His thighs were shaking when he finally put the weight down and he leaned on the wall to stabilize himself. “Fish? You okay?” Logan asked from the yoga mat to his right, staring up at him in concern.

“I’m fine,” Finn lied. “Just straightened up too fast.”

“D’accord.” He could feel Logan’s eyes on his back as he left the gym and headed toward the showers.

Finn’s worst habit was taking care of himself, and it wasn’t something that could be explained away as “oh, silly Harzy” like the washing machine. He made a mental note to take some ibuprofen before driving home so he would be marginally less sore in the morning, but he had the sinking feeling it would be a rough practice the next day.

Remus and Talker were playing some sort of volleyball with an old balloon between their stalls when he entered; he missed getting nailed in the head by a narrow margin and waved off their apologies with a forced smile.

A hand closed around his bicep as he passed, snapping him back to reality as Leo’s bright eyes came into focus. “Hey, lovey, is Lo with you?”

“He’s finishing up.”

A small furrow appeared between Leo’s brows. “Is something wrong?”

“Nope.” Finn faked a yawn and stretched his arm over Leo’s shoulder, dragging him down for a kiss on the cheek. “Cap’s workout just kicked my ass today.”

“That’s what they’re supposed to do,” Sirius said, rolling his eyes playfully as he passed. “You’re not a rookie anymore, O’Hara.”

“Yeah, yeah, alright.”

Logan entered the locker room a few minutes later; Finn closed his eyes and breathed in the thick steam of the shower until the fog in his head cleared a bit and he couldn’t feel the skin on his shoulders. It billowed off him as he dressed again and tossed the keys to Leo, who raised his eyebrows. “Me?”

“You. There’s a little bit of slush left, and you still need to learn how to drive in it.” And I feel like I’m going to pass out at any minute. He swallowed down the last thought and pasted a teasing grin on his face—what Leo and Logan didn’t know wouldn’t hurt them. It was his own fault for being lazy in the past.

-----------------------

What Leo and Logan didn’t know apparently did hurt them. In hindsight, Finn should have seen that coming before he passed out in the middle of a scrimmage.

The lights of the coach’s office made his headache even worse. “Care to explain?” Arthur asked in a voice like frost. To his left, Sirius was glowering.

“I already told Hestia—”

“Yeah, I know what you told Hestia,” Arthur interrupted. “I want to hear it directly from you.”

Finn sighed through his nose and picked at a stray thread on his jersey. “I…I pushed myself a little too hard at yesterday’s practice and didn’t say anything when I started feeling bad.”

“Why.” Sirius’ eyes were hard as flint.

“Because I didn’t want to be a pain in the ass! I can handle some aching muscles, it’s not a big deal!”

“Not a—”

Arthur put his hand on Sirius’ shoulder. “That’s enough, Black. O’Hara, I want you to look me in the eyes.” Finn raised his head. “This was a dumbass mistake and all of us expected better from you. Your safety and health come before any workout routine, and it is your responsibility to speak up before you scare the shit out of us by dropping like a rock.”

“I’m sorry, Coach.”

“Apology accepted. I also want you to call Heather when you get home and schedule an appointment with her.” Some of Arthur’s frustration melted into genuine concern and guilt crawled up Finn’s throat. “Doing that to yourself isn’t healthy, Finn. You’re a good man, smart, and I know you know better.”

“Can we talk for a second?” Sirius asked quietly, glancing at Arthur. He nodded and left the room.

“I’m sorry.”

“What the fuck, Finn?” Sirius ran a hand down his face, suddenly pale. “What the fuck was that?”

“It was stupid.”

“Yeah, no, I got that part.”

“I slacked off a set on Monday.”

“Wow, nobody’s ever done that before,” he said sarcastically, sitting down in the chair by the wall as Finn resumed messing with his hem. “You scared the hell out of all of us.”

“I know.”

“You know I’m not mad at you, right? I’m upset that you thought you had to do that at all.”

Tears prickled the backs of Finn’s eyes. “I know.”

“I’m sure as hell not your coach or your dad, but I’m going to say this as your friend, okay?” Sirius leaned over into Finn’s field of view. “Whatever you need, I’m here for you. This team wouldn’t be the same without you. I wouldn’t be the same without you. We need you to take care of yourself, Harzy.”

Finn nodded silently and Sirius gave his hand a quick squeeze, which he returned. “Does everyone know?”

“I told them you were under the weather, nothing more.”

“Classic media answer.” He tried and failed to crack a smile. “Thanks for not telling on me.”

“That’s not my job. My job is herding cats on ice skates for five hours a day.”

Finn’s smile was real that time and he managed a light laugh as he swiped away the dampness on his cheeks. “Love you, man.”

“Love you, too.” Sirius helped him stand up and hugged him tight for a second before letting go. “Speaking as someone who used to do the exact same thing, talking to Heather makes a world of difference.”

“I’ll give her a call.”

The cold feeling returned to Finn’s gut when they stepped out of the office; Leo and Logan were waiting by the opposite wall, looking angrier than Finn had ever seen. Sirius patted his shoulder once before walking off down the hallway toward the locker room, where he would no doubt deflect even more questions.

“Hey,” Finn said, barely above a whisper. Logan continued to stare at the ground.

“You lied to us,” Leo said bluntly. “Several times. Both of us asked if you were alright and you told us you were fine.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I accept your apology, but I don’t understand.” He ran a hand through his hair with a sigh. “Finn, this isn’t how we deal with things. We agreed to be a team.”

Finn bit his lip. I fucked this one up. “We did. I am so sorry for scaring you—”

“We’re not mad that you scared us,” Logan snapped, still looking anywhere but his face. “We’re upset that you refuse to take care of yourself and then lied to us about it.”

Leo nudged Logan’s shoulder before turning back. “Why did you do that, Finn?”

“I didn’t want to fall behind. I was just trying to make up for the set I skipped on Monday.”

“What? Twenty squats and some pushups? That’s not worth your health, honey.” The pet name soothed the terror clutching Finn’s heart and he took a deep breath. They still loved him. This wasn’t the end.

“It was a stupid thing to do and it won’t happen again.”

“Good. Let’s go home.” Logan grabbed his duffel bag off the ground and started walking toward the door; Leo looked like he was going to say something, but Finn gently took his elbow.

“He’s going to need a minute,” he said under his breath. Logan was a hothead about many things, but lying was in the top three. Finn knew he hurt him deep.

“Did you…” Leo trailed off and pressed his lips together as they followed Logan into the parking lot. “Did you feel like you couldn’t tell me?”

Finn shook his head. “No. This was all on me.”

“It’s just that I know I’m younger than both of you and I’m new to the hockey lifestyle, but I never want you to think you can’t trust me—”

“Leo.” Finn stopped walking and tugged on Leo’s hand, turning him around. Worry was painted all over his face and it sliced to Finn’s core. “I trust you and Logan with everything, but I got into my head about this and I wasn’t thinking about how it would hurt you. Please believe that.”

Leo sighed. “I do. I just don’t get it.”

“Neither do I, to be honest.” Logan was already sitting in the car with his headphones on as they crossed the lot. “It’s going to take him a while to talk to me, isn’t it?”

“He was really upset.”

“We’ll figure this out.” He tightened his grip on Leo’s hand. “We’ve made it through worse.”

-----------------------------

The apartment crackled with tension until Finn literally had to stick his head out the open window to get a breath of fresh air. Waves of frustration and hurt rolled off Logan, though he still refused to look Finn in the eyes.

After dinner, Leo slid into the armchair before Logan could get there, leaving only the couch available. They carefully sat on opposite sides—Finn stole glances at Logan out of the corner of his eye for the entire first half of the movie. Ninety minutes of action later, he felt something chilly poking at his calf.

Logan kept his gaze trained on the TV as he scooted his freezing toes under Finn’s legs. Relief flooded Finn’s veins; he felt a little like crying, but instead schooled his expression into a small smile and rested his hand on Logan’s ankle, where it stayed until the movie ended.

Leo had fallen asleep by that time, splayed out sideways on the cushion with his face smushed against the armrest. “Il est mignon,” Logan said softly. There was a beat of silence and he looked over at Finn. “He’s cute.”

“He is.” Finn cleared his throat and met his eyes. “I’m so sorry, Lo. I never meant to hurt you, but I did, and I’m sorry.”

“Promise me you won’t do that again.”

“I won’t.”

Finn had a few bad habits, but backing out on his promises would never be one of them.

[fic-dumpster]

Omi? Still there? Have you come to check again? If yes! I'm glad but not about the fact that this mishap still has it's effect on you. I'm new to Tumblr - and I started writing because @solaceinarts told me something. Something that i didn't realize much at all; which I'll come later. But first, after reading your all those updates I thought I should drop by and say a few things :-

People have always been easy to judge,easy to be judged. I've really learnt it in hard way which in turn has made me less interactive,less communicative. I hope it doesn't come to that.

I used to write,umm, poetries ,poems that could burn your heart ,poems that could heal your bad memories like the sweet smell of morning dew. But then,i was accused of plagiarism one,two ,three - each time a fellow writer stepped up for me. Fourth one was too much. I couldn't take it even if I got a few friends who were willing to fight for me,i stopped writing. I lost my muse. I've discarded my poem dairies in rage just to get rid off the negativity.

I created Tumblr just out of whim and i met @solaceinarts . She told me "if not now, then when?" She too has gone through some shit too and man the courage she holds after all that. I totally adore her ,deep down to the bones!

She told me that one day you'll get bored of all these things. Things that you used to enjoy wouldn't make you happy anymore. You'll be busy and laugh at your childish behaviour.So, when you feel like you're ready for something, something to create, never let that urge die. That's what makes you go one step further where you were before. People? Who? Them? Did they know how much you worked on a single creative piece before posting,did they know how much you hesitated before posting? Nope they don't. They probably wouldn't, maybe never. But you?you know the hardwork behind your every post ;you'll still be blaming yourself for killing the artist in you. I thought for days and realized people will judge, even after you're gone. It's a shame how people don't understand the importance of "little things" that makes all of us happy. I don't know if I'll ever face a situation like this but if I ever do - well I've no idea how I'll react.

Leave everything if you would! But don't let it burn the artist inside you. please don't let it die :)

don't come back until you feel like. Your mental health isn't an extension of people's feedbacks of your creative workspace. I still have tons of art journals poems ,poetries , stories that i used to do only for myself after slowly getting my muse back. But I'm never gonna post them. It's a trophy that I've achieved just for myself not for those prying eyes waiting to jab at me.

I would still like to talk to you if you're willing :)

stay good and I'll try to hunt you in ao3; although I don't have acct.

I apologise if you feel triggered by reading all these. I've PTSD issues so well I'm kinda afraid of talking and what might trigger a person at any moment without your knowledge.

take your time!I'll still be here, waiting, unless some shit happens to me. You need a long break,a break that promises you no turning back but i know writers don't whither easily.

Haaaa my point is I'm here if you wanna talk. Lol i got carried away & Oops !quite long and vague.

~yours truly,

Paradis.

NOTHING WILL HAPPEN TO YOU!! 🥺💕🫂😭💕 and ty 🥺💕 for still talking to me even though I suck at dming. Y’all r so cool and nice 🥺💕. I appreciate your words, and I'm thankful you took some of your time for me 🥺💕🫂.

I think I’m better now, still not going to post asks/stories as fast as before for different reasons… yeah, I got triggered by some anon (sounds dumb ik but that’s the awful part of triggers, they do whatever they want, whenever they want). My therapist taught me some exercises, not to get rid of them awful feelings xD, but to have more control over these emotions. So im good im good.🤸🏻‍♂️💕

#long post #omi.answers #blueparadis #omi.moots! #tw ptsd #tw rant #paradis

[everyhowlmarksthedead]

HANK ‘TRANQ’ LOZA x READER ⨟ PROMPT

Anon asked: could you write a fic/imagine of your promptlist (the new one) angst #21 and #22 with hank loza💖

21. “Please, talk to me”.

22. “You’re hurting me”.

Word Count: 1.3k

Author comments: This work wasn't re-edited, so I'm sorry if you find grammar mistakes! I hope you all enjoy. Gif credits: @angels-reyes.

Tag list: @starrynite7114 ​ @chibsytelford ​ @dazzledamazon ​ @mara-mpou ​ @sammskellington ​ @gemini0410 ​ @1-800-imagines ​ @briana-mishell24 ​@sassymox @whyisgmora @aquamento @sadeyesgf @viviansafizada @samcrobae @jade770 @witchy-wish @rebel-without-cause-x @xx--day-dreamer--xx @spiced-reads @tita127 @ifoundmyhappythought @enamouravecleslivresetlechocolat @angelxshiba  ✨ (if you wanna be tagged, send me a message!)

💬 : i think i have strength enough to have a beer

Long day. Bad week. Worst month. Finally, you have four days off from the hospital. You're driving on the way to Tranq's house, when your phone dings, lightning the screen. He replies to your last message telling you that he's at the club, and that you can come if you want. Actually, no. You don't want. You just want to lie down on the sofa, with him holding you and filling your face with a bunch of kisses. Stopping by a side of the road, you take the phone with a heavy sight dying in your lips.

💬 : okay

He just read it, but there's no answer back. Sometimes, you hate him. It's supposed he promised to spend the night together, but now seems like another Mayans party is more important than your mental health. He's not your boyfriend, not officially at least, but everybody knows that you're hanging out; even so, you can't reproach him for nothing because of that. You have to settle for being around him for a while.

The yard is full of Mayans from other charters, looking like a big meeting and a celebration. Parking your car before reaching it, you step out covering your mouth with a hand to drown a yawn. You're dressed with the white uniform of the hospital and a leather jacket. Your hair tied in a braid is a little mess and there are two slight eye bags over your cheeks. Yes, you look like shit, and Angel has to highlight it as soon as he sees you.

“Damn, mami”. He hugs you tightly, leaving a kiss on your temple. “Hey, Coco! Bring a beer to our nurse!”

“Thanks”. You just say, letting the oldest Reyes lead you inside the clubhouse.

But your steps stop dead when you find Tranq sitting in a couch with one of Vicki's girl on his lap and her waist being surrounded by the man. They're laughing with other members crew, sharing some drinks and old stories. Angel doesn't give credit either. Letting yourself go from his grip, you turn over your sneakers going out of there. No words. Just some tears running down your face, while you go downstairs to the yard.

“(Y/N)! Wait”.

You don't turn at the characteristic hoarse voice of the man, continuing your way to the black car parked outside.

“Hey, hey, wait! Where are you going?”

Tranq stops you, holding your forearm to make you face him, clicking the tongue loudly when he finds out you're actually crying.

“It's just a fr—”.

“I don' care, Hank. You don' owe me any explanation”.

“No? Then, why are you crying? Why don't you stay? Please… talk to me”.

“'Cause I came for you, but you're already busy”.

“She's my friend”.

“So am I”.

“The fuck are you talking about?”

“I don' sit on my friends lap and I don' let them touch me as you do. That's ‘the fuck’ I'm talking about”.

Tranq has both eyebrows raised up, crossing his arms against his stomach, because he knows you haven't finished talking.

“I'm… tired. It's been a bad month, and you promised me that…”

You think you're sounding so stupid that you don't continue de sentence, rubbing your face with both hands and cleaning the tears. Then, you have a deep breath.

“I'm sorry, Hank. I'm just… going home. Enjoy the party”. You just said licking your lower lip.

“Lemme' grab my things and I'll follow you”.

“I wanna be alone”.

“Why?”

“'Cause you're hurting me right now”.

He just nods with pursed lips, realizing he fucked up things for not giving you the place and the respect you deserve. Under his constant look, you step in your car to turn it on, and drive away from the clubhouse.

Your flat is empty, assuming that your two house-mates are having a party somewhere around Santa Madre. So it's kinda good have some time alone, crying without no one asking you what happened. You take a warm shower until the tips of your fingers wrinkle. After that, you lie down on your big bed hugging a pillow, without having a dinner. The little hunger you have, you lost a while ago. You're trying to figure out why he acted like this. Why he didn't keep his promise. And why he was holding a Vicki's girl, being or not being friends. But, who are you to asking for anything?

The cry appears again, more bitter than before, trying to keep yourself awake waiting for him to come, even if you told him to not doing it. Having the little hope that he would to do it anyway. But you end up falling asleep alone.

When you open your eyes, feeling somewhat rested, instinctively your left hand travels to your phone. Unlocking it you check on the notifications, but there are no calls, or messages from him. Maybe it means that you broke up last night, in case you were having a relationship. A knot grows inside your chest, leaving down the phone to rest your face on the pillow spitting a sad sigh. Some minutes after you decide to get up from bed, walking barefoot through the main hallway towards the kitchen, stopping your legs when you see Hank sitting at the table with a mug of coffee supported against his lips, having a sip.

“Morning”. He just says, sounding a little nervous, putting the drink over the wood.

“How did you get in?” You ask with a fine thread of voice, noticing how much your throat hurts speaking.

“Patricia was leaving when I came”. The man gets up from his chair, doubting between getting closer or not. “Are you ok?”

You just shrug your shoulders in silence.

“I'm sorry about last night, I swear to God”.

“It doesn't matter, Tranq. She's your friend”. Even if it sounds like a passive and aggressive comment, it's not intentionally.

“And you're mi reina. You were right. There are some things I mustn't do 'cause I owe you a respect”.

“You don' owe me nothing, Tranq. It's your friend, that's all”.

“Yeah, but at the end of the night, she just wanted to ‘make it up to me’ because I was fucked up by you”.

Your heart jumps hearing those words, quickly creating a movie in your head of what happened, letting your head falls down to your chest. You're about to cry again when he wraps your body between his arms, kissing your head.

“I did nothing”. He's quick to say. “I went home when you left… Uh, well… I actually sat for an hour at your door, waiting you to call me, at least to tell me that I was being an asshole. I didn' want to bother you, so I just went home”.

You surround his back with both arms, resting your cheek on his chest, tightly and closer. You feel stupid, so he does.

“Listen… I was thinking about packing some things and spend these four days at LA”. Pulling himself away, Tranq cups your face in his huge hands. “Just you and me, riding the coast. What you say… Would you like?”

You nod with your lips pursed in a blissful smile.

“Or we can go to Chihuahua. You're always saying you would like to visit it”. Suddenly he sound excited about traveling together for the first time, after six months together.

“Chihuahua”. You say then starting to laugh, after clearing your throat.

“Ok. Pack your things while I prepare you some breakfast”.

Leaning forward, he presses his lips on yours, placing his hands on the back of your head to push you a little closer.

“I love you, okay? Only you, mi reina”.

#mayans mc x reader #mayans mc #mayans mc imagine #mayans x reader #hank tranq loza x reader #hank tranq loza #tranq loza x reader #tranq losa x reader

[i-will-physically-fight-you]

That... Wow, yeah... You put it into words... This year has been so rough on my mental state that I'm seriously feeling like that right now. Especially since my grandfather passed away a few months ago my mental health has been declining big time and it's not getting any better. I feel like the last day of this year is when I'm going to die. But yet I don't...care... Every time I go to sleep I keep wishing that I don't wake up. And when I do in the morning I feel disappointed and depressed, like I wanted nothing else but to not wake up.

I often daydream every single time I step outside that I'll get in a car accident and die. Or some car will run me over. And I keep feeling more and more awful cause as my mental health is declining more and more I can't concentrate on drawing or writing. And my adhd brain is screaming at me that if I'm not constantly doing something in this fandom that I'm worthless. Im nothing. And it doesn't help that my hyperfixation of this fandom is dying out and I have nothing else to hyperfixate on. So I already feel like shit too.

And it keeps getting worse with no end in sight. I have no friends to express this to. My parents will think it's a joke and just brush it off like they have before. But thank you. I knew this was a sucidal thing but I didn't know there was a term for it. And it makes me feel better that I'm not the only person feeling this so thank you.

-

Aww, dear anon I wish nothing more than to offer you a hug and maybe some hot chocolate :(

I feel you, I really do. I’m glad that by sharing my experiences, it’s helped a bit. You’re truly not alone--regardless of what your brain might tell you. And it’s true that some people might not understand, but it’ll surprise you how many will understand. I want you to know that I think you’re incredibly brave for sharing your experiences with me. And I hope you prove yourself wrong by living to see New Year’s Day happen and many more days.

In regards to creating content, during the height of my suicidal ideation, I could not write. I really truly couldn’t. And it ate at me, because writing is my thing--if I’m not writing, what good am I? It was also extremely bad, because I was still taking classes and one of my classes was a creative writing class. 

So uh, it was extremely important for my grades to be able to write. I couldn’t bring myself to either drop out or reach out to the professor with what was going on. I really wish I had. Maybe the professor would’ve been understanding. It was an online class and I kept waiting for the professor to be the one to say something about my missing assignments, to notice and reach out, but they didn’t. I got a F in that class. A F for something I’m extremely passionate about. A F for something you could argue I’m decent at. 

And honestly, I still struggle with viewing writing as the only thing causes me to have value. As creators our writing/art can be something so intimate that we feel like it’s a part of us. And while it is, sorta, also it’s a separate entity, a tool we use to express ourselves. You are more than the writing/art you create. You have value outside of it, and it should not define all that you are. 

You are not worthless if you aren’t constantly producing writing/art. Your worth isn’t measured by how much content you produce. By just existing, being on this planet, is value enough. The odds of you existing at all is infinitesimal. As a friend once told me, “You’re a human being, not a human doing. It’s okay sometimes to just be.”

 Allow yourself a chance to heal. Take a mental breather from creating. No one expects an athlete to perform at their absolute best if they’re injured. They expect that athlete to take time off the field and heal before they go back out there.

By continuing to create when it’s causing pain will cause your brain to associate writing/art as something negative and unenjoyable. I know it’s hard, I know how it feels by not writing/drawing you cease to have worth, but pls consider it.

In regards to waking up--I often create task lists, because it helps me stay on target in the midst of adhd/depression fog. The first thing I always have at the top of my list is “Wake Up” it’s sorta silly, but y’know what? Waking Up is a big accomplishment. It’s not something you wanted to do. You could’ve laid in bed all day but you didn’t. You got up. That’s BIG. Recognize that.

If you ever want to reach out to me via askbox again or even DMs, please feel free to. I’d be happy to offer a listening ear and perhaps provide further encouragement should you need it. I’m rooting for ya <3

#kat answers #suicidal ideation #suicidal thoughts tw

[robinrunsfiction]

can we get a sequel to the lonely road? maybe the reader deletes their Twitter account and the haters are tweeting how weak they are and such and gee steps in on Twitter and all his socials talking about it and how happy he is and that everyone putting the reader down wasn't truly a fan because they weren't respecting her and how happy she made him? just gee stepping in and defending the reader

The Lonely Road Part 2 - Home Again

Pairing: Gerard Way x Female ReaderRating: Teen (for online bullying)Requested By: Three separate anonsWord Count: ~1,500Author’s Note: Holy smokes guys! Three separate anons all looking for part two of this story?! That make me feel so good as a writer! And the best part is that everyone seemed to have the same idea I did, as I had basically pulled that part out of part one to keep it from getting too long and rambling. Kinda like this note is getting. Ok on to the story!

Gerard flew back to LA later that day and your tour continued on. The next few stops were much better, thanks in part to the refreshing visit with Gerard and a day off that everyone sorely needed, but also Christine getting much more stern with the interviewers about the questions they would be asking. 

Having removed the Twitter app from your phone was proving to be incredibly helpful for your mental health, however it wasn’t silencing the constant stream criticism and hate from Gerard’s so-called fans. The longer you maintained your silence, the more vicious the tweets became.

I hope @(YFN)(YLN) bus crashes

Hey @mikeyway is (YN) as aweful as she seems?

can we just cancel her fo existing? #(YN)iscancelledparty

A couple weeks later, the tour was over and you were rolling back into LA. Christine drove you home and debriefed you on what you would be doing in the coming weeks, but most importantly you had a few days off. All you could think of was getting home and meeting up with Gerard, but when you finally arrived, a familiar car was already waiting in the driveway.

“Gee!” You squealed, jumping out of the passenger seat as soon as the car had stopped moving. You ran up to him and jumped in his arms as he spun you both around. “Ugh the last two weeks were the longest yet!”

“I know, I missed you so much,” he said, setting you back down before planting a big kiss on you. 

You weren’t aware of how long you had been lost in Gerard’s kiss until you heard Christine clearing her throat behind you.

“Sorry to interrupt this lovely reunion, you two really are the cutest I swear, but (YN) you wanna get your dirty laundry out the back seat of my car?” Christine asked snidely.

You pulled back and rolled your eyes as you went to retrieve your things.

“Thanks again for coordinating everything so I could come out and see (YN),” you heard Gerard say to Christine. 

“Happy to help. I’ll get outta here so I’m not interrupting any further,” she said with a wave. “Oh and don’t forget (YN), meeting on Tuesday at 11 AM.”

“Got it,” you said, waving her off as Gerard helped to carry your bags inside the house. “Ugh, finally it’s just you and me again,” you said, draping your arms over Gerard’s shoulders as he put his hands on your waist, kissing you sweetly.

“My favorite place to be,” he smiled. “What do you wanna do first?”

“Honestly? I’m starving, can we order some lunch? And then eat it in bed? And just stay in bed for like the rest of the day?“

“That sounds great,” Gerard laughed.

~

The next morning Gerard invited you to go along with him to the studio to sit in on My Chem’s recording session.

”(YN)! How was touring?“ Ray greeted you with a warm hug.

"Ugh, it was a real learning opportunity,” you laughed and rolled your eyes.

“Gee told us you were having some trouble with the internet. That’s why I just stay away from it,” Ray shrugged.

“You probably got the right idea,” you replied as Mikey and Frank walked in.

“Hey (YN), welcome back,” Mikey said, exchanging a look with Frank.

“Yea… what was that about?” You replied, narrowing your eyes as you lookied between the two of them.

“Nothin,” Frank replied. “I gotta get in there and get this riff recorded before I lose it,” he said,  hurrying into the recording booth. Ray turned his attention to talking to the producer about what Frank was doing, leaving you with the brothers.

“Mikey, what was that look you gave Frank?” Gerard pressed.

“Yea, spill it,” you chimed in.

Mikey sighed. “I went on twitter for the first time in a while and there were all these messages directed at me asking why you weren’t on there, if you were too scared and weak to face the fans, if I liked you dating Gee, if Gee was happy, asking me to break you guys up so Gee and Frank can be together,” he said rolling his eyes.

“For fucks sake,” Gerard muttered, running his hand through his hair.

“Did you reply?” You asked, your voice barely coming out as a squeak. You were so sick of this response when your music career was just barely taking off. What if you achieved the level of success you once dreamed of, what would the criticism be like then? And what if Gerard got sick of dealing with you and the drama that seemed to follow you at every turn.

“Nah, I’m not gonna dignify that shit with a response. But for the record, I love you and Gee together,” he smiled reassuringly.

“Well I’ve fucking had it,” Gerard snapped as he pulled his phone out of his jacket pocket.

“What are you doing?” You asked.

“Shutting this down. These people claim to be fans, but can’t show a shred of respect to you, me, Mikey, Frank, Jamia, any of us. It ends today.”

You glanced at Mikey, who shrugged and joined Ray listening to Frank play. Gerard quickly slipped deep into thought as he typed furiously at his phone. You turned your attention to Frank’s playing as well until you felt a tap on your shoulder.

“Wanna go for a walk?” Gerard asked.

“Sure,” you replied with a smile as you got up and followed him out of the studio. It was a warm, sunny day, perfect for being outside instead of cooped up in a soundproof, windowless room. Gerard’s hand found yours as you wandered down the street, eventually stopping at a small cafe with big planters of bright flowers surrounding their outdoor seating area.

“This place is so cute,” you commented between sips of your iced coffee when you found a table.

Gerard nodded in agreement, before sliding his chair closer to yours. “I wanna get a photo,” he said, holding up his phone as he leaned in and placed a kiss on your cheek and you laughed with delight. Before you knew it, you and Gerard were practically having a full-on photo shoot, taking photos on your phones of each other, and both of you together. You were laughing and having a wonderful time until two people in business attire shot you a withering glance as they sat down at one of the other tables to begin their meeting.

As Gerard’s laughter died down, he started scrolling through the photos. “This is the one,” he said.

“What?” You asked, looking up from your own collection of photos.

“One sec,” he said, concentrating on his phone for a moment. “Ok, umm, so I want you to read this caption before I post it on instagram. You’re the most important person in the world to me and I love you. I’m so sick of how you’re being treated online, so I hope this shuts it down.”

When you took his phone, you looked at the photo he had selected and edited a little. You were laughing, holding your coffee, the bright flowers behind you providing the perfect backdrop as the sun shone down, but your heart pounded in your chest as you scrolled down and began to read:

It frustrates me that I even have to write this, but it’s overdue. For weeks and months now, I’ve tried to ignore the near constant barrage of hate and vitriol being spewed toward someone who is so important to me. I’ve said before that (YN) brings so much happiness and love to my life, she’s someone that I’ll be with forever if I’m lucky. 

But when every day I have to see and hear that people are questioning how much joy she brings me, saying vile things to and about her, it makes me sick. No one deserves that. And the fact that it’s being done in the name of supposedly protecting me is unacceptable. Disrespect is unacceptable and that’s not what being a fan is. 

To everyone who has shown (YN) love and support with her new album, or at the very least treated her respectfully, thank you. I appreciate it so much.

To my love (YN), I am so sorry that I didn’t do this sooner. You’re the most talented, beautiful, thoughtful, loving woman I’ve ever met. Never let them steal what makes you wonderful. I’m here for you always.

You glanced up at Gerard, your eyes welling up with tears. “Thank you,” you said softly.

“I mean it, I’m so sorry I didn’t step in sooner. I thought if we ignored it, they’d shut up and go away, not get worse.”

“It’s ok, there was no way of knowing,” you shrugged. “Maybe this will get someone to think twice. And I think we’ll all be better off if we take a break from Twitter. That’s where the worst of it seems to be.”

“You’re right,” Gerard nodded. “I  really love you (YN),” he said with a gentle smile.

“I love you too. And thank you for everything you do for me,” you said as you leaned in and sweetly placed a kiss against his lips.

#Anon #gerard way x reader #gerard way fan fic #gerard way fan fiction #gerard way imagine #my chemical romance fan fic #my chemical romance fan fiction

[pops-and-kids]

I’m totally not asking cause I’m sick, nuh uh, what are you talking about? But how would the commanders treat or react to a sick crewmate? 👀👀👀

Hope you feel better, anon! And thank you for the ask! *rubs hands together* This is a very long post but was fun to do, so please enjoy! Most of these are under the assumption the crewmate in question is very close with their commander, either a close friend or division deputy.

Marco: Is actually a doctor, so he knows what he’s doing. Unless everyone on the ship has the sniffles or they’re really bad he’d let them rest in their own room. Checks their temperature every other hour and makes sure they have all the meds they may need. Won't shirk his commander work, but will do paperwork in the room so he’s close by if they need anything.

Ace: Has only been sick twice and never had it this bad. Acts as a personal heat pack if they need, makes sure they’re never bored. He has commander duties, but rushes it so he can get back to them as fast as possible. If they’re sleeping he’ll leave them be, but makes sure they have everything they need.

Jozu: Stops them from working. Don’t even try. Will carry them to the med bay and make sure they’re taken care of before going back to work. He’ll visit every few hours to check up on them and make small talk so they won't die of boredom. He’ll bring some coffee or snacks too if they ask.

Thatch: Drags their ass to the med bay and scolds them for getting sick. He’ll make sure to prepare good food and to bring his hoard of comic strips he’s collected for years to them so they have entertainment. He may get sick later on too, but he puts his family's smiles and health before his own.

Vista: He’d be surprised at first before offering to walk them back to their room. He wouldn’t bring them to the med bay right away, rather have them sit down for a bit and bring a couple nurses to them. He has a very strong immune system so he takes it upon himself to help them when the nurses are busy. He'd bring them their meals personally and show them some magic tricks when he’s there. Vista will actually fluff the pillows if they ask.

Blamenco: *pulls out three different kinds of cough medicine from his pouches* “Which do you like? I know they all taste terrible, I’m sorry.” Has plenty of supplies if they want to keep working, but will make sure they get an initial checkup first. If it’s just sniffles he’ll let them keep working, but if it’s serious or gets worse off to the med bay they go. Unless it’s a busy day he’ll make sure to make time for them.

Rakuyo: Oh boy keep 10 feet away from him. This man hates being sick and will just shoo them off to the med bay. If they refuse well Macey will change their mind real fast. That's not to say he doesn't care, he will visit around diner and breakfast. But he’d rather not get sick so he keeps his exposure to a minimum, save for check ins, ‘good morning’ and ‘good night’.

Namur: (I’m not sure if humans and fishman can pass illnesses so take this with a grain of salt, aight) Since he’s immune to most human sickness he’s fine with looking after them himself. Since his division is usually very quiet he can spare the time for them. Either giving them longer break periods or letting them rest in their room. Of course he’ll consult the nurses and have them do a check up. He’s not one for chatting, but he’ll bring books and a radio for them to listen to. Will bring plenty of snacks.

Curiel: Laughs it off and tells them to visit Jiru. He’s much more laid back then the others, won't bring them lunch or visit really. He’ll ask Marco or Jiru how they're doing instead of seeing for himself. Will tinker them up a little fidget toy or something to keep them busy and hand deliver it, but unless they’re very close to him don’t expect an over-the-top reaction from him.Blenheim: Probably the one that got them sick in the first place. Brings snacks when he can and probably ends up missing a meeting talking with them. He can’t spend too much time hanging out with them, but they’ll be on his mind.

Kingdew: Off to the med bay. Again. He’ll bring plenty of books and tea. While his division requires his constant attention he’ll try to be by in the later hours to talk with them and tell some funny stories. Kingys also okay with sitting quietly and reading if they’re not up for chatting. Will offer to sing or play some soft music if it’ll help them rest.

Haruta: Yeets a tissue box in their face and yells for Marco. Does NOT want to get sick, that shit sucks. Haruta cares for their family, but doesnt care for being sick They’ll visit a few times, but the med bay is certain doom for them. The nurses NEVER forget a prank. Never. Gives them a joke book and wishes them luck.

Jiru: FFS he told them to dry their hair before heading out, they’re docked on a winter island! Cuts the shit and goes full doctor mode on them. Don't expect some cute caring boi you done incurred his wrath now. He’ll look after them from behind the front he puts up during the day, but later when the main stresses are out of the way he’ll relax, apologize for being so rough to them and have an actual conversation.

Atmos: Booze cures all ailments. ...In small doses. Offers them a pick-me-up and lets them take as much rest as they need. He's not too bothered, but if he recognizes they’re getting worse his happy face falls and he’ll see them off to the med bay. He’ll have a few drinks with them after dinner and will visit in the morning, but he’s pretty busy so won't see him much during the day.

Fossa: Contrary to what most may think he’s not a “suck it up” kind of guy. Will straight up tell them to “fuck right off to the nurses or so help me”. Will visit once or twice but past that won't hear much from him until you’re better. When they’re free he’ll give them a pat on the shoulder and say “we missed you” before giving them an easy task to do while recovering. And if they try to push themselves he’ll drag them back to the nurses himself, he does not mess around when it comes to putting one's health, both mental and physical before hard work.

Izou: Panics and gets away from them. Comes back with a mask and sprays them with cologne until they finally get their ass to Marco. He's not risking getting sick, so he won't be anywhere near them unless they’re his partner. He’ll drop off some books and lock puzzles outside the door, but like hell he’s anywhere near them until they’ve got the all clear from Marco, Jiru or a nurse.

#((Hope you like this! ^-^)) #((long post is long)) #Whitebeard pirates #answered #Marco #Marco the Phoenix #Portgas D. Ace #Diamond Jozu #Jozu #Vista #Blamenco #Rakuyo #Namur #Blenheim #Curiel #Kingdew #Haruta #Atmos #Jiru #Fossa #Izou #((WOO THATS A LOT OF TAGGING))

[lightwoodsmagic]

I’m worried about Liam and his album and I didn’t know where to go but you always seem rational. I feel awful because there’s only a few songs I like and the album isn’t getting good reviews but Liam DESERVES good things, and then everything with ‘both ways’ happened. I’m so sad for him, but do you think he’ll be okay? I don’t want him to be cancelled, but the song was such a bad choice? His image in the eyes of the public seems ruined. Please tell me what you think :(

Hi anon, 

Thank you for thinking of me, and for thinking that I’m rational. I know this has been sitting in my inbox for the better part of a day, but in order to be rational and approach this properly, I had to take some time to let myself play out all of my emotions. 

I’m here now! And I think I’m ready. This post is long though, so I’ve popped it under the cut. 

Before I start properly, there’s a few things I want to say first. 

- I love Liam, an absolutely ridiculous amount. Liam’s music isn’t the usual genre I would listen to, but I will always support him and his music, and his fashion, and everything else he does. 

- I am incredibly proud of him for finally being able to release his album.

- As anyone who follows me knows, I strongly believe Liam is queer, and closeted, and in a relationship with Zayn. Here’s a masterpost I made about it earlier this year.

- I’m realistic. Some things below may not be what people agree with, or wanna hear, but you asked for my opinion.

Okay. Here we go. I’ve divided it into sections to address your ask properly. I’m also aware that this is pretty late in terms of fandom, and I haven’t been on Tumblr, so people have no doubt said many of the things I’m about to say. 

LP1

First thing: don’t feel bad for only liking a couple of songs on Liam’s new album. Everyone’s music taste is different and it is completely possible to love and support someone even if you don’t absolutely love their music. It does not make you a fake fan, or mean that you love Liam less, or anything like that. Please don’t worry about that. It’s okay not to love the album. Completely okay. 

Also, YES. Liam does deserve good things, always.

You’re right; it hasn’t been getting great reviews, but even though I really enjoyed the album despite my musical preferences, some people are frustrated, and not just reviewers. People are frustrated that a third of it is collabs, that half of it is songs we’ve heard before (that weren’t just released as a lead up to the album), and that Liam seemed to hardly write on it. We’ve known for a while that something’s been up with Liam’s album, especially when last year he said he had a full album ready to go, and then suddenly it was like it was scrapped, and he had to start again. 

We also know that Liam is a brilliant writer; he wrote so much for One Direction. So many people completely disregard this because Liam once said that he was more about the melodies, and Louis more the lyrics. Under no circumstances does that mean he does not, and did not, write great lyrics, or just good songs in general. That kind of thinking is also what leads to a lot of Liam’s erasure from Home, which is something I also touched on in the masterpost I linked above. It’s something that frustrates me a lot, when people forget about his writing ability. It doesn’t help though when he didn’t, or maybe wasn’t allowed to, write more on his own debut album. 

Overall, in terms of his album in general, I’m exceptionally proud that it’s been released, and sad for him that it’s not getting great reviews. Reviews don’t always matter, though! The support for the album from other sources has been really brilliant, and I’m sure he was feeling the love (and still is, despite recent stuff that I’ll touch on now).

Both Ways

No matter how you look at the situation, no matter who you are or what you think of Liam, it is baffling to me that this song went through numerous people to be released, especially knowing that a large part of Liam’s fan base consists of young, queer women from his days in the band. 

It should never have been a surprise that the reception was bad; the people who are upset about it are allowed to be upset, and their feelings are valid. In a world where bisexual and pansexual people are constantly fetishised, it’s a kick in the face for some people. I’m pan, and while personally I wasn’t overly offended by the song, I did cringe at a couple of bits, and I have no right to tell other people how they should or shouldn’t feel. 

To me, there’s a couple of options as to what happened here:

- It was genuinely just a gross misjudgement on everyone’s behalf. People make mistakes. I hate cancel culture. At the moment, if this is the case and they all genuinely didn’t think it would be this bad, I’m not sure if Liam addressing it would be a good thing, or if it’d just make things worse. If he apologises, it’s going to seem disingenuous to a large number of people, but if he doesn’t, it’s like he doesn’t care at all about the people that’ve been hurt. It’s not a good place to be in. 

- It was a purposeful song put into his album by his team to push his narrative. Liam’s in a shit spot at the moment. A very large majority of the media attention leading up to his album used negative promo, like his ‘relationship’ with M*ya and the fight at the bar during Thanksgiving. Aside from very recently, Liam’s team have been a nightmare, and it’s frustrating when people can’t see that he’s in a situation just as bad as some of the other men. Would I be surprised if this explanation is the correct one? Abso-fucking-lutely not. I’ll touch on it a bit more in the next bit though. 

No matter what, the song was not a good decision, and was not going to go down well. Alllll of this leads onto…

How it affects Liam’s image

I’m separating this into three parts to explain it the way I think I need to; the part of the fandom who believes he’s queer and closeted, the part of the fandom who don’t, and the general public.

The part of the fandom that believe Liam is queer and closeted

Liam’s image hasn’t changed here. This whole thing has made this section of the fandom angry, frustrated, and sad. At a time when everyone should be able to just relax and enjoy Liam’s new album, we’re bombarded from all over the internet with people trying to cancel him. Angry because Liam is being absolutely attacked, especially at a time when he’s just spoken about how fragile his mental health is, and because there’s quite a few hypocrites around at the moment. Frustrated because there’s nothing that can really be done at this point, and when it comes to Liam, people never seem to care as much as they should. Sad because we love him so much and he deserves such good things, and people never seem to care enough to recognise that.

It’s also frustrating that people can’t, or refuse to, realise that Liam is just as closeted, has had just as much PR bullshit including at the moment, and suffered through forced interview after forced interview, and been made to say a million things. It’s also important to note that if Harry can have a stunt song, and Louis can have a stunt song, Liam can also have a song (even if not directly stunt related) added to his album to push through his current narrative. They’re different situations, different songs, and different explanations, but they all have the same running cause. Just something to think about. 

The part of the fandom that don’t think that

Fuck me, I never realised how massive a chunk of this fandom there is that does not give a shit about Liam James Payne. Can’t relate, but okay. In terms of his image here, it kinda depends; for some people, they’re not fussed enough to pay attention, but that can mean that they’ll just believe he’s an arsehole here because they can’t be fucked to look into it. People don’t have to be invested in all five of them, of course they don’t, but it might be a big negative here. 

For other people, the ones that seem to hate him for some reason, this adds so much more fuel to the fire. There’s a lot of people currently calling him out for homophobic things he said about Harry, which I’ve spoken about before but can’t find my own damn post but the masterpost I tagged at the start of this mentions it a tiny bit. When this swirled up again recently in the last month or so, which interesting timing, the media ran a TONNE of articles about how Liam had been talking shit about Harry. Harry liked the very next tweet Liam posted, even though it had nothing to do with him or the situation, and Harry wasn’t just on a liking spree. It seemed very much like a ‘hey, don’t worry, we’re all okay, don’t believe this shit’. This section of the fandom is exceptionally unlikely to change their mind about him unfortunately. 

I spoke about this very recently, but the fact that people can’t see Liam’s situation for what it is, and can see the others, is beyond frustrating because the patterns are INCREDIBLY similar, and there’s very similar situations. 

Also, Liam and Louis’ friendship is 100% legit. They’re very close. If there’s anyone out there who loves Louis and thinks he’s closeted, but hates Liam, do you really think Louis would love Liam so much if this was really who he was? Someone who doesn’t care about the community that Louis is obviously so fiercely proud of, and someone who talks legitimate shit about Louis’ partner? Of course he wouldn’t, because Liam is also closeted and stuck in a shit situation and made to say things in interviews to stir up One Direction drama for the media. Speaking of the media though…

The general public

When I woke up this morning and Mar told me about the hashtag that was trending on Twitter, I was instantly so emotional, for a lot of reasons. As I said before, I hate cancel culture in the easy way it exists. People are allowed to make a mistake, or slip up, or make a wrong move; everyone is human. It’s how they respond to it that should change things. 

There’s a couple of problems here, though.

- Liam can’t really respond to it in the way he needs to. Like I said before, I don’t know whether it’d be better or worse for him to talk about it. The only genuine way he could is to come clean about everything, and he can’t fucking very well do that, can he? So the apology will just be a lie, and people probably won’t believe it anyway. 

- People are more willing to forgive someone if it’s one mistake, but Liam’s team have fucked with his image so much that to the general public, it’s not one mistake. We know they’re not real, but if we step back from the fandom and try to look at it through the eyes of someone who knows not very much about him and only knows what the media pushes, it’s a slightly horrifying image. 

When I speak to my friends about Liam, people often think he’s arrogant, conceited, and your standard ‘gym bro’. The GP may remember the times he was made to say homophobic things, and if they don’t remember, they’re reminded in every new article. They see him as the young guy who dated a woman in her mid 30’s and got her pregnant, and who hardly sees his ‘son’ and therefore is a deadbeat ‘dad’. They see him now as the man in his mid 20’s who’s ‘dating’ a teenager, and the articles I’ve seen today all mention her, some mentioning the debate about her age and others trying to say the song is about her even though it was being written about three years ago. They see him as a man who has fights outside bars, and are told it was because of his underage ‘girlfriend’. They see him as an artist who sings about getting wasted, sex, and being rich. 

I know I’m setting a bleak image, anon, and I’m sorry, I am. I don’t believe a single word of the above obviously, and NO ONE should, but it’s the reality of the situation for the GP, and it shouldn’t be pushed to the back as if we should only blame other sections of the fandom for his image, or that this isn’t, realistically, how it looks for Liam right now. 

We know Liam as the kind, sweet, caring, protective, talented, queer man that’s been there for us through his music and his words, who’s been there for the boys the entire time since the band started, who’s suffered through addiction and mental health problems to come out the other side stronger than ever. 

They don’t know that, anon, and I don’t know what Liam will do to come back from this massive of a social media hit. There’s numerous articles slamming him, the hashtag trended for almost a whole day in Australia at least, and for some of the GP, it’s the final thing in a long list of bullshit that Liam’s supposedly done. Each article mentions all of the above things again too, and Apple Music even mentions Ch*yl and B*ar directly by name. 

I’m hoping for his sake that in a few days, this will all blow over, and it’ll be handled the way it needs to be handled. The problem is that I don’t know what the right way to handle it is. 

I think he’ll be okay. I believe he’ll be okay, I do, but I think in terms of the GP, he has a way to go. I want the very best for Liam, always, and I will always continue to love and support him. Everyone else should too, because right now, he needs it from us more than ever.

#liam

[crinkle-eyed-boo]

I read your two fics back to back Own the scars and Mine would be you. New to the fandom as you can probably tell. Own the scars was a very painful ride and I don't know it just made me cry so bad especially the way you wrote Louis and him dealing with mental health issues was just so perfect I have never seen someone get it so completely right and I just finished mine would be you a few hours ago. That was also so so beautiful especially the way you included Louis' songs and really Contd

I just loved the concept how used the songs in this work subtly so so subtly like I was just humming defenceless and I realised how you could relate the song to whatever fic Harry and Louis were going through. I think it summed it up pretty well and Harry's art of course his portraits of Louis and insp from his book. You're one of my favourite authors. I love both these fics with my whole heart. I love how you connect the past and present a lot of people aren't able to do that and (Contd)

Epilogue was just so so perfect. I really can't put into words how much I loved both your works!!! I'm sorry that this is so long I just hope I conveyed how much Iove these fics and also one more thing you're like Louis the readers and listeners can always take something from your works and it's always relatable. Thank you for sharing your work with us!!! 3 asks phew I hope you don't mind my rambling...

ANON PLEASE, THIS MADE MY MORNING, LIKE, RAMBLE ALL YOU WANT. 

I genuinely don’t know if I will EVER get over how you compared ME to LOUIS, like I AM NOT WORTHY, and holy shit, that’s like the best compliment you could ever give me. 

Both of these fics are incredibly special to me. Own the Scars will always be my baby, my screenplay that I started in college and finished in the first 2 years of living in NYC, and then it lived under my bed for almost 15 years before I showed it to @disgruntledkittenface and we were like “This could be a Larry fic.” Writing it was the best creative experience of my life. 

The concept for Mine Would Be You came to me during a very tumultuous off/on relationship and subsequent final break up that dominated my life from like 2005 - 2009. I wrote the first two present day scenes and the start of the first painting scene, but I could NEVER unravel it otherwise, because in the original concept, I could never unravel how person A ended up taking person B BACK. (Mainly because to this DAY, I have never forgiven my ex who was the inspo, even when he tries to reach out.) But, as I was searching for an idea for my Big Bang, this idea came roaring back to me, and, much like Louis says in the fic, I knew the story was finally demanding to be told. After talking it through with Maggie, she helped me hone the concept and reimagine it, telling both sides of the story and framing it differently. 

And then how could it NOT become what it was when Harry and Louis dropped Fine Line and Walls? They gave me SO MUCH MATERIAL it was like tailor made for what I was writing at the time. (Also, welp, it shows how far behind I was that I was able to name Louis’ books in chapter 5 after those song titles and having a strong grasp on what the songs meant to me, OOPS. BUT I GOT IT DONE). 

Anyway, now *I* have rambled. Thank you so so so much for this. I am so happy you enjoyed both OTS and MWBY. I have two more long multi-chapter fics if you want to check them out (There’s Such a Lot of World to See and Let Our Hearts Collide) as well as a timestamp for Own the Scars and a very fun and smutty one shot called No Bunny But You. Please come back and let me know if you end up reading those. 

#I AM OVERWHELMED #this is so fucking nice! #Mine Would Be You #Own the Scars #my fic

[skamamoroma]

How did you find out about Skam? Did you randomly stumble upon it in the dark net? :D how was it watching s3 live?

Hahaha I feel kinda old, anon! I’ve been on this godforesaken site since about 2009... 😫 you just reminded me.

Anyway, a friend told me about Skam. There’s this running joke I’ve had with friends that I belong in a Scandi country because of various things and she knows I love character driven stuff and seen a few things on tumblr. I can’t really remember details but I started watching s3 from about mid way through episode 4. I think the first clip I watched was the Isak and Sana chat with Emma and I was so confused! I also had no idea about how the show worked but my friend sent me a link to all the episodes and I binge watched the entire s1 and all of s3 ep1-3 in one night pretty much....!

I didn’t watch s2 till later on aside from Isak and Sana scenes.

The “dark net”. Hahaha. Skam s3 was ALL OVER tumblr at the time (or it was with people I followed) so it really wasn’t THAT much of a hidden secret... it wasn’t mainstream but it was still pretty popular!

I watched it from then in real time and the first kiss was the first clip I watched in real time 😂 followed by the cuddle clip and I remember the cuddle clip made me misty eyed as I’d never seen same sex affection like that before and, for me, it was really moving and comforting.

As for how season 3 was live.... I adored every single second. I’ve said this multiple times before but s3 of Skam is one of the best seasons of tv I’ve ever seen for many reasons. It was intensely fun, VERY immersive, wild with speculation, moved me to tears more than once... it was one of my favourite, if not my actual favourite, fiction watching experiences I’ve ever had. I have been obsessed by character driven stuff for years and then here was this little show with a season all about mental health, sexuality and parental issues, 3 things that were defining my life...!

I have such fond memories of watching it live. I vividly remember O Helga Natt and where I was when I saw it, I remember the hotel clip evening because the clip came out early afternoon but it spanned the whole night and it was so MOVING and shot in a way that it was so affecting... and then we had to wait! I barely got ANY SLEEP 😂 the speculation during the hiatus was hysterical and I will never forget all the madness that went on. The breakfast scene was the best morning... people lost their shit. Genuinely.

It was brilliant and I am so grateful to my friend because I got to experience something I consider very special that lead to all of these gorgeous remakes! Watching this show and remakes in any way is brilliant but there is a really special experience watching it in real time and I think the original was really emphasised by the social media and I think a lot of Skam France was too. I am just so damn sad that I didn’t know Skam Italia was happening while s1 was airing as I’d have been watching the heck out of it... but I found out right at the end and got to see s2 front the start and thank goddddd! 💙

Hope this answered, sweets ❤️

#ask #lovely things #personal

[connor-murphy-trash]

Connor Murphy X Reader

AN: I have been having a rough past few days so I wanted some Connor fluff. This is roughly based on how my girlfriend and I met, online and in person. So for me, this is double the fluff. It brought up a lot of memories. So this is dedicated to her. I hope you enjoy! (Its also almost 3:30 am so I’m sorry if anything is worded weirdly or anything haha)

TW: Brief mentions of mental illness/suicidal thoughts and being high (It does not go into any details of any of these)

Word Count: 1,548 (I got a bit carried away oops)

Type: Fluff

You and Connor met online

Tumblr to be exact

When he started following you

You checked out his blog to make sure he wasn’t some creep or porn bot

You found that you both posted similar stuff

And you had a lot of the same interests and hobbies

So you followed back

A few days later

Connor was a bit depressed and wanted to talk to someone

So he didn’t feel so alone

But he didn’t really have any real life friends he could just randomly hit up

And the ones he could have were all busy

So he decided to DM you

He didn’t expect to get a response

Why would you want to talk to a random person on the internet?

Little did he know you were also depressed and lonely that day

So you guys started talking a bit more over the next few days

You learned a lot about each other

One of those things was that you lived only 3 hours away from each other

You expected him to say he was from across the country or something

So you thought it was cool that if you wanted you could meet up so easily

But at this point, you didn’t know each other anywhere near well enough to even be thinking about that

Over the course of the next few weeks, you two grew extremely close

Honestly, you were developing a slight crush on Connor

Okay, maybe more than just a slight crush

So much so that

Your heart would go “akajidnsjkyuso” everytime you heard your Tumblr DMs go off

And you would rush to your phone

All you wanted to do was talk to him

Connor understood you and your troubles more than anyone

You could send him a huge rant at 2 am

And he would be right there to help you through whatever issue you were dealing with

Whether it was mental health issues

Or family drama

Or anything at school

He would listen and try to help

He cared when no one else did

And you did the exact same thing for him

You made him feel so special

Like he was wanted

Like he was needed

You never belittled him for his bad thoughts or actions

Whenever he thought he might do something stupid

You would talk him down

You were each other's main support systems

One day you posted something on your blog being like

“Wow I love being so unloveable”

Or something like that

You were depressed and lonely

And just ranting

But Connor was a bit high when he saw that

So he decided to send you an anonymous ask

“I have the biggest crush on you. You probably won't ever feel the same about me, but you are loved.”

To say you were shooketh™,

Was an understatement

You responded by asking them to come off anon so you could talk and get to know them

That kinda scared Connor

He didn’t think it through fully

He didn’t want to make things weird

But he did want you to know

He decided this was a convo sober Connor should be having instead

So he put off telling you

“Just until I’m sober tomorrow”

But the next day first thing in the morning

You texted Connor

Freaking out

Your parents just surprised you with tickets to see your favorite band in concert

Of course, your first thought was to text Connor

He loved the band too and he would be so happy for you

So you told him

And he was like

“Holy shit when is the show?”

So you told him

And he just said

“Fuck you, stop messing with me”

And you were just like

“???” Why would I fuck with you about this?”

“You found out that that was the show I was going too and you are trying to fuck with me and say you are going to be there.”

To say the least,

You fucking S C R E A M E D

Because omg

You were both going to the same concert

Not only were you going to be in the same room as your favorite band

But also your online friend/crush

You were ten times more excited now

Also ten times more nervous

What if you met up and he decided he didn’t like you and didn’t want to be friends anymore?

He was having the same thoughts run through his head

Thank god high Connor didn’t tell you it was him who has the crush on you

You would meet up and think he was weird and creepy

Anyways

You both pushed away your anxieties and made plans to meet up

You were going to be with your best friend and he was going alone

You planned on meeting up in line to get in

You both were going to be there early to try and get a good spot in the front

But you didn’t see him at all while waiting

You texted him and said he was at a dead stop in traffic

He was freaking out

He didn’t want to miss the one chance he had to see you

Eventually, they opened the doors and let everyone in

You got fairly close to the front

But not right next to the stage

It wasn’t until the very start of the opening band that he made it inside

He was towards the back of the room

After the opening band was done

Connor texted you to ask where you were

So you held up your flashlight hoping he would see it

It was a struggle but he finally made it up to where you were

Without thinking you instantly hugged him

He was a bit surprised

But he hugged back just as tight

Maybe even tighter

It was so surreal to get to see someone who you knew so much about

But had ever met before

You ended up introducing your friend to him

And everything was smooth sailing

The concert was epic

You may or may not have cried a few times

But its okay because Connor did too

Shh don’t tell anyone

Everything was so real

Connor,

The band,

Everything

After the show was done you guys went outside

You ended up talking a bit

You asked your friend to take a picture of you and Connor

Which they did

You looked a bit rough

Considering you were sweating and it totally looked like you had been crying a bit and your hair was messed up, etc

But you didn’t care

You were with Connor,

The person who has helped you through so much,

The person who you trusted with your life,

The person you were in love with

Connor said he needed to tell you something

And that it was kinda important

You were a bit scared but went with it anyways

He told you that he was the anon

And that he really really liked you

More than friends

You nearly d i e d

You just kinda froze

He instantly started rambly and saying it was fine if you didn’t like him back

But he just needed you to know because it was killing him on the inside

You quickly reassured him that you did like him back

He was so relieved

Then in his nervous awkwardness, he asked if he could kiss you

You, of course, said yes

One of his hands ended up on your hip

The other was in your hair

Yours were cupping his face

The whole thing was so perfect

You would say that sparks flew

You both pulled away with small smiles on your faces

“Fuck”

Connor randomly said in a slightly upset tone

You thought you did something wrong so you instantly started apologizing

“No, wait! You didn’t do anything wrong Y/N. I’m just an idiot.”

And you were like “Why?? That kiss was perfect??”

“I did this in the wrong order. I should have asked if you wanted to go out with me before I kissed you. God, I’m so weird. You probably think I’m just a creep who just wanted to make out with you.”

“Are you?”

“No! God, no!”

“Then I don’t have an issue with you asking me out now.”

By that point, he was blushing so much

He is such an anxious bean when it comes to you

He just wants everything to be perfect for you

So after he collected his thoughts

He asked you out

He said he didn’t know how well it was going to work because of the distance

But he was willing to try if you wanted too

You said you would love to go out with him

You guys ended up talking for a little while longer but eventually, it was time to part your ways

Neither of you wanted to say goodbye

Tonight was so perfect

You didn’t want it to ever end

Once you got into the car with your friend

They send you the pictures of you and Connor together

And one more

Of you kissing

That night you sent it to Connor saying

“Do you like my new lockscreen? ;)”

Now every time you are on your phone,

You are reminded of the most perfect night of your life

#deh x reader #dear evan hansen x reader #deh #dear even hanson #dear evan hansen the novel #dear evan hansen novel #deh novel #connor #connor murphy #connor murphy x reader #connor x reader #x reader #headcanons #writing #liz is writing #liz is creating #fluff #deh fluff #connor fluff

[mychemicalimagines]

Scared, but Safe

Requested by Anon- “ Can I request a Tony Dinozzo imagine? Imagine someone is after the reader (she's the target) Gibbs orders her to stay with Tony. It's later though the night and she goes to Tony because she doesn't want to be alone. Comfort much included. Also sorry if there are any errors. My phone is a grade a piece of shit... I need a new one lol “

Warning: None

Word Count: 1081

Tag List: @jayrart @you-a-southpaw-doll

A/N: I’m sorry for the posting. I’ve been so busy and my mental health was doing down a little. This is not my best story so hopefully you still like it.  To request please message me or submit an ask! Tag Lists are open!

I finish wiping my hands off from cleaning the dishes when my front door bell rings.

“Be right there,” I shout, putting down my hand towel and walks to the front door.

When I open the front door, I see two males and a female standing at the door. One male and the female look familiar.

“Hello?” I ask curiously.

“Are you Captain Y/N L/N?” the older gentleman asks me.

“I am. And you are?”

“I’m SSA Jethro Gibbs and these are-” He says but I cut him off.

“Tim McGee and Ziva David. I know you guys. You guys questioned me about a guy that I dated when I was in High School years ago..” I say looking at them. “Would you like to come in?”

“Yes Ms. L/N. Thank you.” Gibbs says walking inside the house after me.

“You guys want a drink or anything?” I ask, looking over at them.

“No thank you.” Gibbs says. “Do you know a man by the name of Eric Samuels.”

“Umm. The Name sounds familiar but no I don’t think so.” I say honestly.

Tim holds out a picture, and I take a look at it.

“Wait, I believe he works at the coffee shop I go to every day.” I say looking back up at Tim.

“That’s correct.” Gibbs says. “I’m sorry but he killed someone that looks just like you. We went to his apartment and there is about 50 pictures of you just on his wall.”

I stare at him for a second, “Me? Why me?”

“We aren’t very sure but it seems to us that he knows your schedule” Ziva says bringing out a stack of photos. I take a look at the photos. Some are of me training some of my Privates. A couple of me at the store, and 10 or more of me at the coffee shop.

I stare at the photos, “What do we need to do? I will try and help you in away I can.”

“We want to see how far he would go. I know this is sad to say but we want to see if he will actually go after you personally.” Gibbs says. “How we are going to do this is, you are going to pretend to be with dating one of our agents and he will be by your side everywhere.”

I think for a second then I nod at Gibbs, “Yeah, I’m willing to do that.”

A couple hours later, someone knocks on my door. I get up off my couch and walk to the door and I look through the peep hole. I hope this is the guy Gibbs told me about.

“Who is it?” I ask.

“Hey babe, It’s Tony” The man says.

I unlock the door and I open it, letting the man inside. Before he closes the door, he pulls me into a hug and kisses my cheek.

“So you’re Agent DiNozzo?” I ask.

“I am. Nice to meet you Miss L/N” He smirks a little and looks around my home.

The next day Tony and I are jogging around town. That is something I do every morning. Tony is looking around sneakily. What we didn’t notice, was the parked car we are running up to, had a man inside, taking photos. We then go to the coffee shop and I look at the menu.

“Babe, why do you look at the menu everyday if we get the same thing every time?” Tony asks wrapping an arm around my waist.

“Well, I never know if I do want to try something new hon.” I say looking up at him smiling.

He smiles, and turns to the cashier.

“Well take a Chocolate Mocha and a Chocolate Frappe please,” Tony says to the man. It just so happens to be Eric.

He fake smiles and says, “Sure sir. What would you like the names to be?

“Tony and Y/N”

“Okay sir. That will be $8.54.”

Tony hands him a ten and says, “Keep the change.”

We walk to the back of the store and I wrap my arms around Tony’s waist. He wraps his arms around my shoulders.

“That him huh?” Tony asks putting his face into my hair.

“Yep” I say.

A few minutes later our names were called and Tony steps forward to grab them. The whole time Eric’s eyes were on me. Tony coughs for a second to get his attention. Eric looks up and hands him the drink.

“You two have a nice day.” Eric half smiles.

We walk out of the building drinking our coffees and Tony turns to me.

“Okay so now he knows for sure that you have a boyfriend so we need to keep our eyes peeled.”

I nod and we keep walking while holding hands. About an hour later were walking home from the grocery store when a car swerves in our direction. We also hear a gun shot. Tony pulls me toward him and the car misses us along with the bullet.

“That’s his car!” Tony says pulling his phone out of his pocket and calls Gibbs. Whiles he’s on the phone, I’m staring at the place where the car almost hit me.

When Tony hangs up the phone, he turns to me. “Are you okay?”

I don’t answer so he pulls me into his arms and whispers, “I’m here.”

“Can we go home please?” I whisper.

“Yeah, lets get you home.” He says pulling me home.

That night, I’m sitting alone on my bed hugging my legs. Tony knocks on my bedroom door.

“Hey can I come in?” He asks.

I nod. He walks in and sits down next to me on the bed.

“I almost died today. Because of a car. I’m used to bullets flying but-” I whisper to him and sigh.

“I’m here to protect you. I-” He sighs and whispers, “I promise I will protect you.”

“Tony, can you please lay with me?” I look up at him.

He nods and helps me lay down. He lays down next to me and pulls me to him. I put my head on his chest and he wraps both arms around me. He starts running his fingers through my hair and whispering in my ear. If Tony wasn’t there today, I don’t know what would be of me right now. I’m thankful for Tony and his team. I’ll definitely ask for their help when I need it.

#tony dinozzo imagine #tony dinozzo x reader #tony dinozzo x you #tony dinozzo x oc

[fruitcoops]

I don't know if you are taking asks anymore, so if you are not you can ignore this or put it to the very end of your list. But I was hoping you could write something angsty for coops but with a happy ending. Maybe one of them is having a bad mental health day? I've been struggling so I'd really like to read something sad but also comforting. Thank you so much!

Lovely anon, I hope you are doing better <3 It’s been a few days since this ask came in (sorry) but it was really cathartic to write and I hope it is a good balance of sad and comforting. I combined it with two similar asks, which are listed below:

Coops/ SW credit goes to @lumosinlove!

Prompt 26: “I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just…really tired.”

Prompt 30: “You’re not okay.”

“Sirius. Sirius.”

He blinked and shook his head, clearly trying to come back to reality. “What?”

“I asked if you were okay.”

“Yeah, I’m good.”

“You’re scowling.”

“I’m fine.” The resignation and frustrated confusion in his voice worried Remus. He almost sounded like when he got heatstroke, just…different. Angry.

“Are you ready to head out?”

“I’m going to tap a puck around for a bit, I think.”

Remus frowned. That superstition only came out after bad games, when Sirius’ pent-up energy twisted around and burrowed into him rather than overflowing in tangible waves that boosted everyone around them. A remnant of years spent blaming himself for not being the absolute best, Remus supposed. “You don’t want to do that at home?”

“Not really,” Sirius said harshly. Not shouting, not snapping—harsh. Harsh in a way he never was with Remus. Talker, the only other person left in the locker room, picked up his bag and left silently with a final glance between them.

“Talk to me, baby,” Remus tried again, softening his voice. Making Sirius feel pressured was the worst way to go about this.

As expected, the frown slipped slightly. “I don’t know what’s wrong, okay? I’m just…really tired.”

“Okay. Ten minutes?”

Sirius sighed and scrubbed his hand through his hair without looking up. His skates were still laced up tight. “Ten minutes.”

Twenty minutes later, they were on the road heading home. The car was uncomfortably quiet, as if they were both waiting to say something, but Remus refrained from making any comments until Sirius opened up. Poking and prodding was never a productive method, and he was exhausted from the game, which had been far too close for a team like the Ravens.

“I’m not mad at you.”

“Good.”

“I think I just need some food.”

“And sleep.”

“And sleep,” Sirius added as an afterthought. “You’re quiet tonight.”

“I’m always quiet,” Remus said with a light laugh.

“Not around me, you’re not.” A smile tugged at the edges of Sirius’ lips when he glanced over, then faded into the troubled darkness from the locker room. Few members of the team had swung by for fist bumps or postgame chatter with him once the interviews were done; any reporters who approached were met with a cold stare.

“I was thinking about asking Reg to come over for Christmas, too.” Remus looked back out the passenger window. “Jules misses him and it’s been a while since we all had dinner together.”

“D’accord.”

“We might need to convince Dumo to let him go, but—”

“I said that sounds fine,” Sirius huffed, turning onto the road that led to their house.

Remus looked at him, eyebrows raised. “I know. I heard you. I figured I’d ask for your opinion on getting him to come over, considering he’s your brother, but if you really don’t care then I’ll just call in the morning.”

“That works.” The engine turned off and Remus locked the doors. Sirius unlocked them, only for Remus to click his key again.

“What happened? You’re not okay.”

Sirius blew out a long breath and let his head fall back for a moment. “I told you, I’m just tired.”

“You get cuddly or grumbly when you’re tired. You shut down when you’re upset. What did the reporters say?”

“Can I at least take a shower before you start interrogating me?”

Ouch. Okay. Remus tucked his key into his pocket and grabbed his duffel from the backseat. “Go for it. I’ll be in the bedroom when you’re ready to talk.”

It felt weird entering the house alone after winning a game. Sure, it had been close, but they still won and Sirius generally went into Hockey Obsession Mode after skin-of-their-teeth victories. The last time Remus had seen him like this was when a rude reporter asked whether he had spoken to his parents since the All-Stars and Sirius silenced him with a thunderstorm glare.

The pasta he reheated tasted like sawdust, but it cleared his head a bit and stopped the growling in his stomach. Sirius was still in the shower when he went upstairs; leaning against the tile while steam practically suffocates him, I bet, he thought as he changed into his softest pajama pants and tossed his postgame clothes into the hamper.

Sirius looked everywhere but at him when he came out of the bathroom with a towel around his waist and began digging through the dresser. “Your sweatpants are over here,” Remus reminded him. He didn’t respond. “Ignoring me is a dick move. I know you’re upset but that’s not cool.”

His broad shoulders slumped and he paused his search. “I’m sorry.”

“Apology accepted. What are you looking for?”

“Manches longues.” With a low hum, Sirius pulled on his most beat-up long sleeve shirt and slipped into bed, then immediately turned on his side, facing away from Remus. “Bonne nuit, mon amour.”

“Are you sure you’re not mad at me?”

“Very sure.”

Remus settled onto his side as well and, after a moment’s hesitation, reached out and touched the back of Sirius’ shoulder. He flinched slightly. “Sirius.”

“Don’t say my name like that.”

“Like what?”

“Like—” He rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling with an angry huff, waving one hand around. “Like it’s so soft. It’s not. I’m not.”

“You are.”

“No, I’m not.” The corners of his eye glimmered in the low light of the full moon.

Remus shifted closer, just enough that he could feel the heat radiating from his skin. “Yes, you are. With Harry, with the team, with me. You’re allowed to be soft, honey.”

“I don’t want to be,” Sirius said angrily.

“I think you do.”

“I hate it when I feel like this.” His voice broke and he inhaled shakily. Remus hummed his agreement, resting one hand a few inches from Sirius’. “All those reporters—they think I’m like that all the time. That I’m aggressive and untouchable and perfect, even off the ice.”

“But you’re not.”

“But I’m not. I’m not, and I don’t want to be, but I don’t want to let them down.”

“The reporters don’t matter.”

Sirius shook his head as the first tear slid down his cheek, toward his ear. “I don’t give a shit about them. I don’t want to let the fans down. It would be so much easier if I could be the captain all the time, but I can’t. They ask about the youngest captain and I always forget that it’s me. They ask about Regulus and I have to remember if they know he spent last week snarking at me about vacuuming or if they think we still fight. They ask about you and—and I’m tired of it. I love you, but sometimes I just want to talk about hockey. I play hockey and I have a life that is separate, but they don’t seem to understand that.”

Remus brushed away the tear tracks with his thumb and Sirius closed his eyes, tangling their hands together. “I’m sorry.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for.”

“I’m sorry you feel like that,” he rephrased. “It’s a lot of pressure for one person.”

Sirius half-smiled. “You make it better.”

“Can I hold you?”

His smile wobbled. “Please do.”

Remus wrapped one arm around his waist and drew him close against his chest, threading his other hand through his hair as he placed gentle kisses to the top of his head. He had washed his hair in the shower—the minty scent was calming, and the slowly-drying curls were soft. “You don’t have to be perfect all the time,” he murmured. Sirius’ palms pressed into his bare back. “You can just be you and that’s more than enough. If they don’t see that, it’s their problem.”

Sirius hooked their ankles together and pulled the blankets up over their shoulders with a trembling sigh. They fell asleep soon after, lulled by two hearts beating in tandem.

[avidroyalfan]

Personal Update:

So I've mentioned a few times during the last couple of months that I am struggling but I thought it was about time I made a proper post about it. Also, I haven't been very active lately and I have some promises I didn't keep (anon from the anon list and those replikate posts I promised) and I feel like an asshole for doing that. Maybe I’ll feel like less of an asshole if I explain the situation properly.

A bit more than a year ago, I went through a tough break-up. Looking back now, I am so glad I didn’t pursue things with this guy, but back then it was very hard to accept and made me doubt a lot of the choices I’ve made in life. I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed for 3 days, at which point I decided to get help and called to get a therapy appointment. I started to have weekly therapy sessions. The process I went through with the therapy was (and still is) a very deep process. It made me realize my reaction to the break-up was so bad because of other factors in my life, which put me under a lot of pressure and constant stress and the break-up was just the last straw that made me collapse under the pressure.

The therapy was very enlighting but wasn’t a magic solution. I still struggled to get out of bed every morning and to fulfill my responsibilities, at home and at work. There wasn’t a week passing by without me spending at least a day in bed until the late afternoon when I got up to eat a snack and get back to bed, hoping the next day will be better. I had several meltdowns, which mainly consisted of me crying while laying in bed, wondering what on earth was wrong with me (I have tears in my eyes just writing about it). I lost motivation to do anything, whether it was work related, a hobby, or even taking care of myself, of my skin (my skin is extremely capricious, you can immediately see if I put all of my creams and treatments on this morning) and of my appearance, something that was always very important to me. I’m talking about simple things, such as making sure my skirt is properly ironed, not wearing the same outfit to work three days in a row, combing my hair in the morning.

Around six months ago, I understood I couldn’t keep pretending everything was fine at work. With my therapist’s encouragement, I went to my boss (the head of the laboratory where I was doing my thesis) and with great difficulty told her I was going through a difficult period. It was extremely hard for me to do it, but she was much more understanding than what I expected her to be and recommended I go to the uni’s social worker, who suggested I see a psychiatrist. Which, after some internal struggling, I did.

I was diagnosed with depression. It was a relief. It confirmed I wasn't just "lazy" or "not trying hard enough" or “needed to get my shit back together”, which are thoughts I had and words I heard from people around me. For over a year now, I have had a medical problem, that can and should be treated. So I started taking medication. I want to give a special shoutout to @duchessofostergotlands, who is the main reason I was ready to even listen to the idea of seeing a psychiatrist and did not slap the person who proposed it to me. Over the last few years, following her blog (even before I had Tumblr) taught me so much about mental health and mental illnesses. Thank you, Jessica <3

The medication, just like the therapy, wasn’t a magic trick. It takes time to find the right medication and the right dose. My lack of motivation didn’t disappear. I still had a hard time getting out of bed and getting anything done at work. My boss did her best to help me, she arranged for me to move to the uni’s dorms so that I’ll be closer to the lab, and had regular meetings with me. But she is a very busy woman and expects a certain level of independence from her students. I wasn’t capable of having that level of independence. After a few months, she told me she couldn’t continue working with me and said maybe science and research weren’t for me. She contacted the directorate of the uni, that convoked me for a meeting.

This was an extremely low point for me. I was convinced they will tell me to pack my things, go home and never come back. I saw myself just laying in bed all day, having nothing else to do. I was so ashamed of myself and couldn’t even tell my parents about it. For me, it was the end of the world. I could not possibly see a life after being kicked out of uni. I cried so much the week before this meeting. I was terrified.

At this point, it was pretty clear the medication wasn’t working. I went to the psychiatrist again, on the day my boss told me research wasn’t my thing. I was devastated. I am very lucky to have such an amazing psychiatrist - she is a rare breed among psychiatrists. She told me how when she was doing her studies, she had a hard time during her internship in a psychiatric hospital, and the director told her that psychiatry is “not for her”. She really reassured me, and she changed my medication to another type.

The day of the meeting arrived. I could barely stop my voice from shaking. They were surprisingly empathic. They asked me to explain what’s going on. I told them everything; how I didn’t know if research was really my thing, because I didn’t know anything at this point, how I didn’t have motivation for my studies and my work in the lab, but also didn’t have the motivation to see friends or to go outside. They were so understanding and told me to take two to three months off (paid!!!) and to think hard if that’s really my passion. If I decide that it is, I will be able to come back, find another laboratory to work in and have another year to do my thesis (I was supposed to finish it in October). The head of the board emphasized how important it is to do something you’re passionate about, and how the degree isn’t important and doesn’t say anything about the person that you are. It was so good to hear that.

So I moved back in with my parents. It was hard. I got used to having my own space, my independence. My parent’s apartment is quite crowded, I don’t have my own room, and the environment there is quite toxic. It was very hard to think about what is my passion and what I want to do with my life in those conditions. After a few weeks at home, with the pressure and the stress building up and getting worse by the second, I decided I needed to get away. I took a flight ticket to Paris (where my grandpa lives) and a week later I was on the plane, finally feeling a tiny bit relaxed, for the first time in what seems like an eternity.

So that’s where I am now. In Paris, enjoying french baguette every morning with a good coffee. I didn’t do anything for two weeks, but for a change, it wasn’t depressing. I got out of bed, ate, watched a movie, chat with my grandpa. Just relaxing. I left my computer in my bag for the first week. I didn’t go to any touristic thing. I’ve done them all several times and this time it’s all about relaxing. Next week I am traveling to London, my great love (don’t ask me to choose between London and Paris), where I can relax a bit more before going back to Israel. I think the medication is finally working. I am pretty sure I will go back to uni and finish my degree. I miss research, every day a bit more. I’m feeling like I can see the end of the tunnel, finally. It’s still far, but I can see it, and I know where to go now.

I hope this post not only explains my absence lately, and my lack of communication with some of you - please know I read and appreciate everything you write under my posts and on PM - but also inspire anyone reading it to seek the help you deserve. If you are feeling depressed, incompetent, like an idiot, sad, lonely, please go and find a professional who is empathic (SO important) and get help. You deserve to be happy, you deserve to be loved, you deserve to have success and joy. Give yourself the opportunity to get all those things. I don’t have them yet, but I now can at least imagine the possibility of it.

I also want to personally thank some amazing people in the fandom who helped me in my darkest times: @duchessofostergotlands whom I already mentioned, but she also helped me enormously in the last few months, @lizisaroyalist my cupcaky angel, always here when I need her, @riffraffrouge the voice of reason and the reason for me smiling and even laughing at my darkest moments, @queensonjas an amazing listener and so good at taking my mind off depressing things, just by talking with her, and @britishroyallove who is like a big sister and helped me in my lowest moments. I love you all. Also a big thank you to the royal fandom in general (the good part of it lmao) for making this a place I can escape to and get excited about royals and tiaras and royal babies and kiddos. Thank you to everyone who contribute to this community <3

#personal #non royal #mental health #depression #duchessofostergotlands #lizisaroyalist #riffraffrouge #wow that was hard to write #but I'm glad I did it #long post #queensonjas #britishroyallove

[depressionisntforever-blog]

This is not a story this is my life.

I know this is nothing new to read and everyone is ‘trying’ to spread awareness. I know when I read them I feel like it's still been sugar coated and make it sound like a pity fest, no-one with a mental health illness of any sort want pity, they most likely want to crawl into the dark hole and go back to sleep.

I stuffer from depression and anxiety and I thought I would give you a look into my life of what actually happens in my day to day life and how I feel. I’m not looking for attention or I doubt anyone will even read this (my life is boring) I just want people to know these awareness posts you see on social media and short little twitter ‘awareness’ are mostly been written by people who don’t actually know anything about been depressed or having anxiety its just what they think it is or what everyone says it is. I’m not saying they are wrong but something always feels off to me when I see the posts (this is just my opinion don’t come for me please). I’m not saying they are all bullshit and that they don’t actually know what it feels like living like this the actually might but its just my opinion.

But yeah i’ll just get right to it i guess so most of my days don’t start in the morning most of mine start from 12-3pm. i know this isn’t anything new to anyone who may work nights but i actually should start work at 9am at the latest, luckily i work at home and look after my brother who has autism, i know i should be up and i should be looking after him and most of the time i do make sure i am, as it is my job and i don’t want anything to happen to him but sometimes i just can’t get out of bed and he does know to come and get me if he every needs anything at all or if I’ve over slept he knows to come and was me I’m not all bad at my job i promise i do make sure he is always ok. i mostly sleep in the latest on weekends when my mum is home so i know everything is taken care of. i don’t go to sleep at night, in the night no one i know is ever awake so i know i can’t upset anyone or do anything wrong that’s why i like to try and stay up until 6-7am, at night i feel like i can actually be myself but most of the time i stay awake and worry about things that i might have done that day, that month or something i did 10years ago. i have such a bad memory i mean i forget to eat in the day or even forget what someone has said 2 seconds after its come out of their mouth, I’m an actual mess but you can damn bet that if I'm feeling bit shit i will remember that i pulled a push door back when i was 15 and still think that people remember me doing that and think that I'm basically a twat that can’t read.

i find it easier to be awake at night as the darkness kinda feels more like home than the sun and i know that sounds daft but id prefer if night was classed as the day and we all slept in the day, i think i wouldn’t actually hesitate to go outside as much i think i wouldn’t be so insecure because no-one would see my flaws as much and i think a lot of people would actually feel better… idk just a thought i always have all the time.

so finally when I'm awake at around late dinner time about 2pm maybe 3pm (weekend) i lay in bed and actually think why have i woken up and hope I'm still asleep and dreaming because i can’t think of anything worse than actually been awake in a day i don’t want to be living, i always feel like I'm taking up room in the world and taking air away from someone who needs it more than me and who’ll appreciate it more than i do. 

It's hard because I don’t want to die but living seems more of a death sentence than death itself. I'm not suicidal I'm not a harm to myself but why is death meant to be the worst thing in the world but yet life is more hard and painful than death…

so once I'm actually awake and gone through the whole why am i awake i finally go down stairs to which someone will always say ‘good morning’ i know they say it in a joking away but i can see that they mean it and that i disappoint them and they think I'm just lazy and need to get my sleeping pattern under control which i don’t disagree with i know its fucked but i go to make a hot chocolate like everyday i sit down have a cig and then watch some telly while everyone it walking around me and its like those music videos from early 2000s where everyone is in time-lapse and I'm sat still. i have no feeling or emotion i try and communicate with my family and i know my mum try with me and knows how and what I'm going through but i almost want to seem fine and not put strain on the family she don’t need her time taking up by her depressed daughter who's going through somethings when her son needs the attention and is her shadow she’s got enough going on. after been downstairs maybe forcing a smile and a laugh out for a few hours i go back to bed and go on a game, watch a film or have a nap, i don't go out much as I’ve cut most of my friends out not because i don’t want to be friends with them anymore i really do but i don’t want to be the one they have to watch out for and burden them with problems that 60% of the time are just made up situations in my head. i haven't told them about anything and i know they’ll think I'm the worst person ever and they'll probably think that I’ve replaced them with my boyfriend which i haven’t I’ve been with him just over a year and I’ve only just recently cut people out of my life i just can’t be that friend anymore that they deserve because they are actually amazing and i do love them more than anything and i hope that one day i can be back to the person i once was. i used to be the joker of the group and try and always make them laugh with some joke or one liner or a dirty joke and it’d make me feel like i had a place in the group but even then i was struggling with depression and i just can’t make a joke any more or have a smile on my face or laugh, i want and i will get back to laughing and joking around with them but right now while i write this i can’t bring myself to doing that and i feel its best for them to live and laugh and go out have fun with each other.

the thing thats getting me through every minute of the day is knowing that even during the most aggressive thunder storm after the rain has fallen and the sun starts to appear a rainbow shines out and something beautiful comes from it and i know depression isn’t anything like a rain storm but it helps me with the thought that one day i will see that rainbow again and the sun will come out and i won’t be scared to stay inside in the dark i will walk out the door and look up and see that sun and rainbow shining down on me. what is happening now and how i feel right now won’t last for ever just like the rain it will pass and i will become the person i want to be again. 

Non of this will probably make any sense. I'm not the best at putting my thoughts down into writing but this has helped me and i hope it will help someone else who may feel like this as well everything will get better might not be today might not be tomorrow but one day you will be the person you want to be and when that day comes you will be stronger and you will b able to look up and see like its the first time and not look down at the floor.

somethings have been changed in this as i would like to stay anon because this don’t need to have a name or a face to be said. thank you, and if anything in this has strung true to you or going through anything depression, anxiety or anything just know you can get help so many places you can ring and contact can even email if you don’t feel like you can talk on the phone write it down it might help. 

Whenever you are ready to reach out someone is always ready to listen and help.

#mental health #depression #rainbow #mylife #help