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thatdogmagic · 27 days

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So, there's some posting going around, and after being alerted to what exactly is being made public, it's pretty clear I can't go with my initial inclination which is 'leave this alone.'

First things first:

a) I'm not going to fight any accusations of having done something potentially racist. I'm a white person raised very white; when I was made aware that the default ways I was responding to things were reading very poorly in the context of a white person and a black person, I apologized. No matter how I feel about what's happening *currently*, I still am sorry about it. I really hadn't thought of how it would come off until I saw it in hindsight.

I can't say for sure what all is being referenced aside from that instance. I'm not going to be the best judge, for the reasons mentioned above. The best I can do is absorb, apologize, keep learning to be better, and continue to chip away at the boneheaded 40yo white person shit.

b) re: ableism, the sad irony of the screengrab posted is that I was having an autistic meltdown at the time (which, no, is not an excuse). Use of the r-slur, in reference to myself, is a very sure sign I'm in the middle of one, reaching for an impact word and choosing a really terrible one. Like the verbal equivalent of hitting yourself, giving voice to what are, yes, at root, ableist thoughts that live in my head about my own diagnosis. I can and do get very frustrated with my autism sometimes, especially when I 'fail' to learn fast enough to manage it (read: fail to prevent a meltdown).

I'm also genuinely sorry people had to see that, both people in the chat and now, everywhere. I did, yes, delete it because I hated it being there, and I didn't want especially that to be the footprint I left on the server, if it was ever repurposed/the channels weren't recycled (brief note on that later).

Anyway yeah it's something I really need to work on. And it's disheartening to see it cherrypicked when everyone there was aware of the context, but yea; if you see some really wild shit from screencaps, please keep in mind that a lot of it has already been extremely cherrypicked/context is going to be missing. If the whole conversation isn't present, ask to see it.

That's the heaviest stuff that needed addressing.

The accusations of character theft are another thing, because that involves Ependa, and a conversation I had personally with Jackal that was settled amicably a year ago. Or so I thought.

It's the one conversation I did think to save in its entirety, because I just-- had a feeling it might end up being in the cherrypicked pile, or removed from the record entirely. I didn't expect to have to need it this soon, but here we are.

So here it is, in its entirety:

All of that is true, on my end. I was the one who told Ependa to go with a darker complexion on Lacey, and it really didn't quite occur to me at the time that it'd be much of an issue. It should have. The characters are distinct to me in a variety of ways, but as said in the screengrabs, it's a small pond. Past that, if there was more we could do to differentiate then it wasn't discussed with either of us, and we were both open to making further alterations as-needed.

This is not the first time this conversation has been had among werewolf creators, fwiw, or the first time we've had to chat amongst ourselves about potential crossover. I've had to have a similar talk with another artist I know and respect because there were a few too many similarities going on with a set of pieces I was already working on.

Ependa had to recently have that conversation with Trashasaurus (which I'm paraphrasing a Ependa's request), re: commissions that had requested a character that had taken a lot of visual inspiration from both Lin and Toska. She'd noticed Toska's traits and vibe and wasn't entirely comfortable with it, and upon learning they had been requested asked Trashasaurus not to take on those commissions anymore. Trashasaurus agreed and that seemed to be the end of it, save to drop some warning about the 'Lacey talk' which-- well. See above. That's it, in its entirety.

If Ependa wants to post the logs of her conversation, she can, but I'll leave that up to her.

So, that's the heart of the matter at the moment.

It's yet another fallout of yet another failed project by yet another group of artists. It's a tale as old as time, and I would've really loved to have not given it fuel, but the r-slur thing backed me into a corner and needed to be addressed. And if that was being addressed, then others things needed to be addressed, too.

The thing about character theft, though-- yeah, IDK. If there was a problem, there was a year to solve it, and the offer made to post publicly about the oops/acknowledge it right there in that moment was genuine. So far as anyone knew, this had all been settled, and any time it was brought up after there were a million assurances that it wasn't an issue.

Last: I deleted my presence on the server because I a) wasn't sure if it was going to be repurposed and wanted a lot of very personal conversations/old images removed if that happened, b) was frankly concerned about something like this happening; cherrypicked conversations getting tossed up online if things got any worse. I used undiscord, which deletes chronologically, because deleting everything is easier than finding specific conversations/image files.

Because the worst of the fights happened last, well. Yeah it's gonna look like I'm deleting the worst parts first.

I also wouldn't have willingly agreed to be on a server using third party logging software/deleted message retrieval plugins, either, had I known that was in play, but that's a 'live and learn' moment for me, unfortunately.

Anyway that's it, that's all. I can't tell anyone how to think or feel about any of this. I'll be here and will continue to post art, though, for those who still feel like sticking around.

#admin #reblogs off

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sanfezu · 7 months

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4 and 7 for the ask thingy :D

4. Favourite dish would be blini! Some people (like me) eat it without anything but butter, but some people also add jam, sour cream, condensed milk or other additives.

7. And as for three words… hm… тоска (toska), лелеять (leleyat’), берёза (beryoza).

Thank you very much for asking!

#ask #ayvino asks

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windsorgirllove · 4 months

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Hatoful Boyfriend Secret Santa 2023: Aftermath (fic)

@codenamethebird Hello! I was your secret santa this year! I hope you like it, I was inspired by your request for Nageki and Hiyoko- it made me think of this scene I always wanted to write. Enjoy! When Hiyoko woke up there were stars in her eyes.

This water colored world swam around her as she sat up, fields of grass waving like they were underwater. Everything felt cool and misty, like a field in the early morning. At first she thought she was alone. The world was so quiet, there couldn’t possibly be another living being here. But then her finely tuned hunter-gatherer instincts kicked into gear, and she felt a presence behind her, watching her. She turned quickly to face her opponent, only to find Nageki staring back at her, watching. She brightened immediately.

“Nageki! You’re here too!”

“Hello, Miss Toska.” He regarded her coolly, but she could tell he was happy to see her. “You’re awake.”

“And you’re out of the library!” She swept up to him excitedly, examining him all around. She knew that he didn’t like unexpected touches, so she kept her hands to herself. “How did you do that?!”

Nageki looked at her strangely, though that was how he normally looked at her, so she didn’t pay it too much mind. “Will you walk with me, Miss Toska?” he asked instead of answering.

“You’re becoming as sneaky as the doctor, you know~” she said, teasing him. Nageki made a bit of a face at that, and she laughed as they began walking. “Do you know where we are? When I woke up I was in that field, and I don’t remember going there.”

“Maybe you ran there,” he said evenly, and Hiyoko nodded. That seemed reasonable.

“Were you out for a run, too?” she asked. She had never seen him outside of school before. It made this strange world feel somewhat more exciting, having him with her, like being on an adventure. Impulsively, she grabbed his hand. Nageki flushed.

“No. I was just waiting for you to wake up.”

“Was I asleep for long?” She swung their arms as they walked. The cool grass brushed against her legs, heavy with dew. It almost felt more like swimming than walking.

“Not long,” Nageki replied. “Not very long compared to me, anyway.”

“So you were sleeping too?! I wish I knew!” She nudged him. “It would be fun to nap together, wouldn’t it be?”

“Yes…” Nageki squeezed her hand slightly, not seeming to notice he was doing it. “...Well, we have all the time to do that, now.”

“Really?” Hiyoko squeezed back. Something about that idea made her feel very peaceful. “But what about school? Are we going to sleep through that?”

“Yes.”

“Really?” Hiyoko slowed down. They were coming up to a bank of trees, but before that, the grass had been cleared away, and there were train tracks, running off in either direction. “Is something wrong, Nageki?” she asked quietly. “You’re acting strange. I mean, I can’t imagine you skipping school! Although, I guess you are always in the library… are you actually a truant???”

“Not quite. Miss Toska… Hiyoko.” She blinked at the name change. His voice had become more sincere as well, and even quieter. “What do you remember?”

“Before waking up here?” Nageki nodded. “Um… let’s see…” She thought about it for a moment. “I guess the last thing I remember is… going to check on Ryouta in the doctor’s office. Yes, I remember! He wasn’t feeling well this morning, so I went to get him before going home. I wonder, did I fall asleep in the office? Or after I went home?”

“...would you believe neither?” Nageki was looking away from her when he asked that, down the tracks, as though looking for oncoming trains. But there wasn’t any. It felt like nothing could disturb the stillness that surrounded them.

“...I might,” Hiyoko finally said. “Something strange is going on, isn’t it? Stranger than normal, I mean.”

Nageki nodded slowly. “You didn’t fall asleep in the doctor’s office. Or at home.”

“I didn’t fall asleep at all, did I?”

He shook his head.

“Then where are we?”

He paused. “I’m… not entirely sure. I’ve never been here before. But I believe it’s where we go… after.”

“After what?” Nageki didn’t seem to want to answer. That was alright, though. Hiyoko thought that she might have an idea.

“I guess that mean old doctor finally got me, huh?”

Nageki turned to look at her in surprise, but Hiyoko was just smiling gently. “It’s alright! I figured it would happen sooner or later.”

“You are much too calm about your impending death, Miss… Hiyoko.”

“Well it isn’t impending now!” She grinned brightly once more. “Besides, that’s just one of the dangers a hunter gatherer needs to consider!”

Nageki sighed at her boisterousness, and she grew softer. “But that makes me wonder… Did the same happen to you?”

“In a way… But there will be time for all of that later.” In the distance, the low sound of a train whistle was heard.

“Are we going on a trip?” Hiyoko guessed, and Nageki nodded. “That sounds fun… but what about everyone else? What about Ryouta? I’ll miss them…”

“They’ll miss you too… but they’re alright. Ryouta was sleeping here with you for a while, before he went back.”

“He was! Wait… that probably isn’t good…”

“No. He was badly injured… but he’s alright now. Sakuya helped save him.”

“Sakuya?! Did he finally stop being a tsundere?! Nageki, you have to tell me everything!”

The train sounded again, much closer now. Nageki smiled, and brushed her hand with his. “I will, I promise. We have all the time now… if you want.”

Hiyoko smiled, and grabbed his hand as he moved it away, holding it in hers. “I would love that.”

The train pulled up. The two of them didn’t hesitate. They had a whole world to explore together.

#codenamethebird #hbfss2023 #hatoful boyfriend #hiyoko tosaka #nageki fujishiro #my writing

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unrequitedloveletter · 2 years

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So excited for your fall event!!!! I love your writing so much and I have been WAITING since you first posted about it! Can I please request Oh, this could be my last chance - come up with a title and I’ll write a fic for it for Kaz with the title Toska? (It's a Russian word, the definition is my blog header!) But please for the love of the God's, give it a happy ending! My heart can't take the sadness!!

I'm so excited to spam you with likes for this event!!! ❤️

Toska- Kaz Brekker

Hi!! I'm sorry it's taken me so long to get to this! I meant to start looking at fall requests last week but then school sort of took my life over for a bit, and here we are. Again, so sorry it took me some time, but I hope you like the fic nonetheless.

Fic type- angst with a fluffy ending

warnings- alcohol/alcohol consumption, a few mentions of blood and open wounds

Toska. An immense ache for nothing and everything all at once. An anguish from the bottom of the heart.

As you read the footnote, you closed the book, casting a scornful glance in the direction of the window to your left. You stood, sighing as you placed the book on top of your dresser. The word was one you knew you’d come to think of often in the days to follow, though such a reality was not yet one you were ready to confront.

Dread filled your every sense as you heard the oh-so familiar bell toll, signaling nine, as it did every morning. You ran a hand through your hair, steadied your hands against the dresser, pressing your palms flat against it.

I am calm, you thought as you took a deep breath in. I am relaxed. I do not pine for anyone. You exhaled, taking comfort in the self-said statements even though you knew they were bullshit.

You went to your bathroom, clutching the sides of the sink and somehow avoiding your own gaze in the small mirror that’d long been mounted to the wall. You turned the water on, keeping it ice cold and cupping your palms under the steady flow that’d begun after a few moments. You splashed the cold water on your face, glowered at yourself as the oh-so familiar feeling settled into your bones as it did every morning, not relenting for a moment, amplifying when your gaze would meet Kaz’s from across the room.

As you exited the bathroom, grabbing a tank top, a decent pair of pants and a black button up shirt to get dressed into, you resented the fact that a word with the definition crammed into the footnote had described the oh-so familiar feeling down to the letter.

You got dressed, pulling a decent pair of combat boots over your feet to finish the look, heading down to the Crow Club with twenty minutes to spare til your shift. You took a spot next to Inej at the bar, ordered a double of brandy.

“Is he here?” You asked instantly.

Inej smirked, the guise of her glass of kvas not assisting in keeping it hidden. “No,” she said. “He’s not. Your shift ends thirty minutes before his starts, thanks to Rottys formation of the schedule. You work days, he works nights for the next two weeks.”

It was enough to make you relieved. “I’ll buy him a drink, then,” you said. Rotty walked past as you spoke, giving you a nod and a grin.

“A bourbon,” he called to the bartender. You grinned at the familiar face.

“Make it a triple. Put it on my tab. I’ll grab it tomorrow morning.” You took a sip of your brandy, sighing as you did.

“You’ve never described it,” Inej noted. “You’ve talked about feeling something for him, haven’t you?”

“It’s not what I feel for him,” you responded, wanting to make your way to one of the booths and spend your entire shift sat down, drinking with Inej and eventually Nina, when she found her way down from working at the Ravkan Embassy.

“It’s what I feel about him. I know I love him, and I know that it’s unrequited, but it--” you stopped yourself short, taking another sip of the brandy. “I don’t know how I can explain it. It’s bone deep, it’s very in-between and it’s--fuck. I can’t even begin to explain how it feels. I just know that it’s very conflictive, annoying and--” you cut yourself off again, slamming the brandy and ordering another double. Inej laughed at the display.

“You’ll find the words someday,” she said, and while you almost believed her, there was some part of you that didn’t. “And even then, not all great loves have been requited.”

You finished your second brandy, and your shift began. The next nine hours were spent behind the bar, making the drinks and taking the tips, making sure nobody that was playing at the tables was cheating.

When your shift finally came to an end at six, you ended up deciding to stay. You drank with Wylan for a bit, had a few nice talks with a few of the bar regulars and eventually playing a game of Three Man Bramble to pass the time.

You left at eight, eleven hours after you’d showed for your shift. As you left, Kaz was walking in. Your gazes met for only a moment, a freeze frame in time that lasted ten seconds though you could’ve said it lasted ten hours.

That feeling returned as you walked out, arms being bitten by the crisp night air of a Ketterdam autumn. You walked to the left, pressing your back against a side wall, and crossing your arms over your chest.

An immense ache for nothing and everything all at once. An anguish from the bottom of the heart.

The definition of the word toska described the emotion better than you could even fathom trying to. It was an ache that settled into your bones, hollowing them out and making a home of what was left. It ran through your blood, manifested in your tears as you got so overwhelmed with the feeling that you contemplated leaving Ketterdam behind, moving to Ravka or Novyi Zem and starting anew.

You closed your eyes, ignored the familiar sound of a cane against the sidewalk as you did. You debated hiding, heading home and making it seem like you’d only taken a break to debate grabbing dinner beforehand, but in the end, you chose to do none of that.

“Hi,” Kaz said.

“You should be working.”

“I own the club. Rotty be damned, I’ll set my own hours.”

You opened your eyes, saw the intensity that lingered in his.

“You left a book on your dresser this morning,” Kaz said. “Inej noted that you glared scornfully at the window upon reaching the bottom of page 264.”

“I respect you, Kaz, but if you ever employ my best friend to spy on me again, I’ll kill you,”

“I have no doubt that your words are the truth,” Kaz said. “And, for the record, it was Inejs idea entirely. She’s worried about you.”

“Well, it would’ve been wise for you to tell her she could’ve talked to me, if such was the case,” you said. “Fuck it, actually. She would’ve discussed it with me if she were. I’m calling bullshit, Brekker.”

“You dare implicate that I’m a liar?”

“I do,” you said, confirming it further with a nod. “I can’t believe you, Brekker. If you’re the one with the concerns, just fucking say it, okay?”

“You make it sound a bloody easier than it is,” Kaz said.

Nothing and everything all at once.

“I refuse,” you said, moving to abandon Kaz to the small alleyway that he’d found you in. “I can’t keep doing this. I need to leave.”

“Keep doing what?” Kaz asked. “And, even if you were to leave, where would you go, Y/N?”

You turned to face him harshly. “This!” You shouted. “I can’t keep loving you, Kaz Brekker. It’s turned out to be the precise opposite of a good idea, and I can’t fucking do it anymore.” The ache settled in your bones, the anguish dragging your heart down through your body til it rested at your feet.

An anguish from the bottom of the heart.

“And where will you go?”

“Ravka, Novyi Zem, Shu Han, the Wandering Isle. As far as I’m concerned, my options are practically limitless,” you responded. “I don’t care where I end up, Kaz. I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t look at you and--and--”

“And what?”

You sighed, realizing that going to Fifth Harbor, finding a cafe to sit and simmer in--or perhaps sitting on the docks--was a better idea than it was to return to the Slat.

“And, whenever it is that you find yourself in the Slat, go to my room. Grab the book Inej spotted on my dresser. On page 264, you’ll find a series of words in the footnote. The one you’re looking for is toska. It encompasses exactly how I feel when I’m around you, Kaz. Only after you’ve read the word, understood what it meant, will we come even the slightest bit closer to understanding each other.”

With the words, you walked off, leaving Kaz standing in the alleyway.

A few days later, the book was gone. You couldn’t find it, and you didn’t much want to bother with looking. You were too distracted with packing, anyway, and booking a ticket to Ravka on a boat. You’d find some good employment there, give up the criminal life to which you’d grown so accustomed.

But, on the final full day you’d spend in Ketterdam, you woke to a note on your dresser. You recognized the handwriting as Kaz’s, and that made whatever wound had existed, the one that’d begun the slow process of healing, reopen. It tore itself apart, blood flowing from it like water flowed from a tap.

Fifth Harbor. Berth 26. Midnight.

You scoffed, crumpling the letter and tossing it into the small bin next to your dresser. You got dressed in an old dark grey cableknit jumper and a decent pair of trousers, plus the pair of combat boots you wore everyday, day in and day out.

You went to your final shift at the Crow Club, leaving just shy of midnight after deciding that you were fine working a double, having started just shy of eight bells that morning. You thanked Rotty as he passed you another note and a to-go cup filled with Kaelish coffee.

toska can be defined as an immense ache for nothing and everything all at once. An anguish from the bottom of the heart.

You grinned, scoffing at the note before tucking it into your pants pocket. The weather in Ketterdam bit at your exposed hands, your face, and your neck as you walked, air having grown rather crisp as the clubs filled and the hotels emptied.

You moved to Fifth Harbor, finding Berth 26 and walking to end of the dock attached to it. You let your gaze move to the boats as they docked, as they unloaded passengers or reloaded them. You didn’t move a muscle as the familiar sound of Kaz’s cane meeting the grass and then the wood met your ears.

“I’m sorry,”

You scoffed. “Try not to pull a muscle, Kaz. I don’t need your apologies.”

“You might not need them, but they’re what you deserve. I’m sorry that I am difficult to love.”

“You’re not,” you said. “Not in the ways you think you are. I don’t care that I can’t kiss you or hold your hand, really. That’s not what matters to me, Kaz. It doesn’t matter in the slightest.”

“Then what is it?”

“I felt like you didn’t care for the longest time, and whenever I would look at you, the--” you cut yourself off. “Toska. That sums it up. I long both for nothing and for everything, and it hurts. Bloody hell, does it feel like an open wound.” You laughed a little bit, finding the humor in it as Kaz joined you at the edge of the docks.

“Stay,” he said.

“Give me one reason,” you said, not knowing what the reason could possibly be. Kaz would never ask you to stay for his own sake. That wasn’t who he was, how he functioned. There had to be a reason, likely that your spot at the Crow Club would be difficult to replace, even if you were a full time bartender and such a statement was bullshit when one looked at how many people wanted to bartend in the Barrel.

“Just stay, Y/N.”

“I will not stay without probable cause.” In that moment, you knew you’d perfected the art of lying, because you would. Kaz’s asking you to stay had made you rethink leaving, and he’d barely said it a minute prior.

“I can replace your job at the Crow Club, I can give away your room at the Slat,” he said. You blinked. It was a total 180 from what you’d expected him to say. “I would prefer if I didn’t have to, though.”

Silence fell across your shoulders, weighing you down as it did. Minutes passed as though they were hours, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, and then suddenly, ten minutes had gone by and you realized that, throughout your entire interaction, you’d not so much as looked at him.

You finally turned your head, only to find that Kaz had done the same. Your gazes met.

“I simply cannot fathom a day of my life without you in it, Y/N. That is why I would prefer it if you stayed. I could give your job to someone else, give your room to someone else, but it would hurt to do so, because in doing so, I would be forced to acknowledge that you left. In the final day before your departure, I find it hard to do so even still.”

You grinned, turning to leave. “Meet me at the Kooperom no later than nine bells this morning,” you said as the bell for midnight rang through the city.

“Your boat leaves at half past eight.”

“If I refund my ticket before quarter past, I get 100 kruge and the chance to buy you breakfast.” With the words, you walked off, heading back through Fifth Harbor and to the Slat, leaving Kaz behind.

At nine bells, Kaz joined you in a booth near the back. He ordered whiskey and waffles, and you ordered brandy and waffles. For the next hour and a half, the two of you engaged in conversation.

At some point, you realized that the familiar feeling, the nothing and everything, had largely subsided. As you looked at Kaz, love took it over almost completely.

#kaz brekker #kaz brekker x reader #six of crows

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toska-writes · 1 year

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Aaaahhh omg i love your blog so much! You don’t know how much I’ve been looking for stuff like this but couldn’t find anything! Your writing is amazing and adorable!

Omg this was my first anon! Thank you so much! I’m glad many of you are enjoying these. I currently have one in the process that should be out tomorrow 🤞

Also if anyone’s interested in suggesting a prompt and a paring feel free too!

#my writing #anon ask #thank you #star wars clone wars #star wars #the clone boys #toska-talks

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toskarin · 8 months

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lady toska of the house of rin, tell me your wisdom: are there any flashing lights in fmdm? i had a friend ask me this, but it's been so long since i've played fmdm i actually forgot

there are, and there's an option to reduce effects intensity, but I didn't use it so I'm not sure how well it works

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taegularities · 2 years

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do u know any emotional taehyung fics? i wanna cry today lmao

those occasional asks of y'all wanting to cry have me concerned saskjhfjkasf but yes ofc, i can give u some, hun !! (haven't read all of them!)

i'm not yours (ongoing) by @amourtae

love me or we both go down by @gukyi & @kinktae

back to the start by @joonscypher

groovy by @kinktae

one of the boys by @littlemisskookie

paper cranes by @aquaminwrites

so when you gonna tell him? by @knjsnoona

starstruck (ongoing, ft. myg) by @sugalaritae

toska by @yeoldontknow

bittersweet goodbyes by @mercurygguk

fall with me by @dntaewithluv

happy reading 🤍

#feel free to add stuff if u guys know more !!#apologies the list isn't so long !! i barely get time to read anymore :(#taehyung fic recs #taehyung angst #notes for rid 🌹#anon

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ignify-caligo · 1 month

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Hussar 4,5,10, 13

Toska 2,13,14

Florian 8,9,4

This is real embarrassing for me but hey, I finally managed to answer this ask!! Surprise for ya all (even for me lol) I’m sure - also I’m so so sorry for how long this ask been sitting in my inbox Ranger, hope ya forgive me hah 😅😅

Before you go and open the keep reading section, I want to warn that the total number of this thing is like 2012 words so be ready for a big reading lol

muse development questions here

CHARACTER: HUSSAR

4) what seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

One of those kinds of memories comes in the form of how his daughter ran to him all teary-eyed and pale as a ghost. It was the first thing he witnessed after coming home near midnight once again. He truly thought that something horrible had happened, dropping his leather briefcase in haste, and swooping his little girl into an embrace without hesitation. From the sound of it, his 5-year-old was the only one still waiting for him, his wife nowhere to be seen from the quick mental survey he did through the cramped living space. Before he could utter any kind of question to his daughter, she opened her mouth to show a blank space between her front teeth, while simultaneously showing off the tiny milk tooth lying on top of her small palm. Luckily for Hussar, his blood pressure did not skyrocket to a dangerous degree, it would have been quite an embarrassment if he had to explain the reason why he was having an almost heart attack. Unluckily for him, this memory of a daughter-father-only situation would be one of the last ones before the divorce.

Another instance relates to his time in training before he became the Hussar himself. His training squad was sent for tactical training in the Bieszczady Mountains for a whole week. The training was based on solo survival tactics and navigating the wilderness without contact with HQ. Being there was an experience, sleeping under an open sky, feeling how nature enveloped everything with its majestic beauty - the views especially had been ingrained in Hussar’s mind. More so than even the training he was in the first place for. However, the first time he saw a bear wasn’t one of his fondest moments in Hussar’s humble opinion (especially when it tried to go for his MRE).

5) does your character work so they can support their hobbies or use their hobbies as a way of filling up the time they aren’t working?

The easiest answer for this is both. Hussar’s hobbies like bike riding or hiking for example consume a lot of the free time he miraculously doesn’t fill with work-related matters, especially when he ultimately gets told by either his close family or coworkers that he “haruje jak dziki osioł” (works like a wild mule). Forcing this man to take a mandatory leave, is like sending him to the literal gallows in his honest opinion. When it comes to the matter of supporting his off-time activities, he takes a meticulous amount of time to have his needed equipment in top-notch condition compared to some (looking at Gromsko being the type to see a flat tyre on a bike and going “nah, its fine”) people he drags with him to those small adventurous.

Another thing that he uses his high salary for is to get materials needed for… crocheting. That’s right, Hussar sits down in his lounge chair with a ball of yarn and crotchets or at least tries to. Compared to his other hobbies, this one is a newer skill he is trying to develop, apparently, his therapist says it’s a great way for him to work around his feelings as well as his anxieties related to work life and all the side effects of working in a “you can be killed any day” environment he frequents. Plus, he can save some money by making gifts for his close friend circle rather than spending money on expensive items all the time (his cats get also nice and cosy blankets for their own as well).

10) what would your character make a scene in public about?

Hussar is the most non-confrontational type of person you will ever encounter when it comes to the civilian public scene. It is not without any reason he was promoted to being a general, his public image is of the calmest person alive, and the Tibetan monks would be jealous of his cold-headedness. The duality of his public persona and what happens behind soundproof and closed doors is mind-blowing to the average person, especially when the person in question manages to spill over Hussar’s composure. Because there is always a limit to someone’s patience and in the case of Hussar it’s when you manage to create a fuck up on a nuclear scale. It usually happens in the workplace, whenever he manages to squeeze some time between report writing, meetings and such, he will overview manoeuvres on the training grounds. Suppose you manage to break one of the safety protocols such as incorrectly handling firearms. In that case, he will rip you a new one without any hesitation. People around you will part like the Red Sea to let a foaming Hussar right to where you stand (if you look around you will find some of your fellow comrades doing the sign of the cross, already sensing a funeral coming) because they are not going to catch a stray bullet.

The longest monologue of fury that Hussar has given so far was for straight 45 minutes (time recorded by an extremely tired Rysiek wishing for a straight double vodka shot already at noon), where the general managed to drag in the poor soul’s family several generations backwards into the lecture because there had to be something genetically wrong with the private if he thinks “playing darts with rifles equipped with bayonets” was a brilliant idea.

13) what does your character pretend or try to care about?

When it comes to pretending, he will tell whichever higher-up in question that he only cares about “the mission’s success”. In reality, he will not regret and hesitate to pull out when the situation down below gets too hot, the safety of his people or god forbid, any civilians accompanying the mission, is much greater than any winning streak. As much as the stress of a new position and responsibilities weighs him down, he doesn’t think of his subordinates as numbers or statistics as many of his peers do; he still feels and keeps his connection to the unit and its members alive rather than succumbing to the pressure of a new rank.

Of course, he also juggles his relationship with the Polonaise squad between friendly and professional because if he turns too cold he will lose his chosen family and if he shows too much attachment the higher-ups will chew him out. Keeping this balance is similar to the Sisyphus myth, where Hussar is stuck in a “między młotem a kowadłem” (between a rock and a hard place) situation almost constantly. He, of course, pretends that it does not affect him at all.

In reality, he does not give a damn about his new status, but he needs to pretend so he doesn’t come out as “insolent” in the eyes of his superiors. The thing he cares most about is keeping his subordinates from getting killed or killing themselves by performing ridiculous stunts.

CHARACTER: TOSKA

2) what was the best thing in your character’s life?

From what he knows, the best thing that happened to him recently is being “adopted” (read: being picked up from the mess in Las Almas by TF141 after everything, with a gushing wound in his side and hands cuffed behind his back for “everyone’s” safety) by his current commanding officer, Captain Jonathan Price. As much as he is sceptical of the motives and schemes of these new people around him, he has all he needs and wishes to have: bed, food and new targets. What else is there to wish for?

However, something is lingering behind closed doors, in the shadows, whispering of the time he had someone who wasn’t exactly a CO but something more… motherly? A soft-spoken voice, almost of an angel’s quality, speaking to a little child in a weird and foreign language… similar in sound to the words spoken by Nikolai when his helicopter malfunctions but of a different nature... It drives Toska to his wits end because he can’t- won’t remember what all this means.

13) what does your character pretend or try to care about?

Toska is a simple thing, or that is what his previous COs said, he only needs to care about succeeding when it comes to his missions. Failure is not acceptable, it always was like that. Until this new CO of his, the people Toska is surrounded by, with their hawk-like stares whenever he moves a simple inch, they try to crumble his devotion. They say; “Take it easy, kid”, “Do something else, mate” or “You don’t have to take care of everyone’s equipment”, but if he isn’t needed… what is he supposed to do? He pretends that he understands and that he cares about the “no’s” and “take a rest’s” they spew at him each time he tries to be of service.

14) how does the image your character tries to project differ from the image they actually project?

He’s a dutiful weapon, there’s no “different” image or portrayal for him. If you need a soldier, he is a soldier, if you need an attack dog, he will be an attack dog. Whatever it may be that his COs want, he will deliver because; he is what they made him nothing more nothing less.

Under that image though? There is a seed that wants to bloom out, but so far, the darkness all around won’t allow it. It may change, with time and by Toska accepting the new status quo he has been put in the middle of.

CHARACTER: FLORIAN

4) what seemingly insignificant memories stuck with your character?

Florian remembers the first time he saw an insect that wasn’t either a mutated killing machine or the local “wildlife” of the underground bunker. It was a grasshopper of all things, rubbing its’ long legs together and creating a sound that Florian had never heard before. He didn’t know what it was or how it got inside, but his curiosity was and still is never-ending and with that, he caught it by putting it in a glass jar. The ten-year-old at the time boy, ran to his mother with glee, being of course careful of his little prisoner, having in mind to show the critter to her. Instead, he bumped into his father, who when he saw the creature, ripped the jar from Florian’s hands reprimanding him about all the “radiation” and “danger” that the older man was known for labelling everything with those exact words.

8) how many friends does your character have?

Without counting his future camaraderie with certain Russian rangers’, he had quite a small group of colleagues growing up in Berlin. Most of those colleagues were in reality only for show, because of course having the son of one of the New Berlin’s heroes as a friend boosts someone’s social status immensely. Especially when it had its’ benefits within the new world’s school with its’ favouritism towards high-placed individuals and in turn, guaranteeing the person with better jobs, supplies, resources and equipment.

Nonetheless, Florian had a close friend who didn’t take advantage of his heritage and legacy but saw him as a living and breathing individual. They would be the one person to aid him in the future when he would take the great leap and venture into the world’s ruins in search of his father.

9) how many friends does your character want?

Having an early experience with friendships solely based on his status or whatever else he could offer, Florian has a hard time wanting any new “colleagues”. His determination to stay independent and to not be someone’s boost into their own agendas makes him hesitant to form any new relationship of his own accord. That mindset gets challenged quickly when he gets himself stuck in an inescapable situation amongst people he does not understand a lick of what they are saying, where the only option is to follow a mysterious man who doesn’t utter any words towards him (which is better in his opinion, because he would not understand them anyways).

#call of duty #metro 2033 #hussar oc #toska oc #florian oc #captain john price #caligo answers q.#caligo's writing #caligo's oc #this is for whoever got through my shitshow of thoughts: 🍪❤️#watch me losing coherent thought the deeper in text you go lmao #but fr I had a blast writing this even tho it’s like 3:30 am and I should sleep #please if ya read this - I wanna talk about these critters with someone so much it’s borderline insanity 😭😂

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