#two years of studying .. ultimately useless

[steddieas-shegoes]

you are the best thing that's ever been mine

for the @steddieholidaydrabbles warm up round 1 (prompt: high school or college AU) rated: T wc: 638 cw: n/a tags: established relationship, angst with a happy ending

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Being with Eddie had been easy. Two years at college, pretty much sharing a dorm unofficially, studying together whenever they weren't working their shitty jobs, annoying Eddie's roommate Gareth constantly.

But when graduation came, and real life set in, they realized quickly that what they thought was hard was nothing.

They had a small apartment on the outskirts of town, rundown and barely worthy of the rent they had to pay, but it was theirs.

Steve managed to find a job at an elementary school as a guidance counselor right after graduation, but Eddie struggled for a while. It didn't seem like anyone was hiring for a music teacher, and he started to wonder if he'd made a mistake in his degree.

He thought he'd taken a safer route than just going into the music industry, or trying to, but clearly he'd been wrong.

"Baby, we're fine. I make enough to cover what we need, we just have to be on a tight budget," Steve told him after Eddie had explained how useless he felt not contributing to their bills yet.

They were lying on the couch, Eddie tense under Steve.

"But you shouldn't have to, Steve. I'm basically the same as the spider we refuse to kill in the shower," Eddie groaned.

"No you're not. You're trying to find a job and you're going to," Steve insisted.

"And if I don't?" Eddie said, pushing Steve off of him so he could stand up and pace. "If I end up searching for a job for months or years, how long until you get sick of having to support us both? How long until you kick me out because I can't give you what you want? We can't ever have a family on just your income in this shitty apartment."

"Eds, you won't be unemployed forever. We've got time."

But Eddie didn't want to listen.

He walked over to their window that opened onto a fire escape and climbed through it.

Steve saw that it was raining, but knew Eddie wasn't going to come inside until he was ready.

If Eddie had to be in the rain, then Steve was going to be with him.

Steve joined him a moment later, cringing slightly at the cold rain instantly soaking his clothes.

"You remember our senior year, when I was convinced I'd have to drop out because my social work for students professor hated me? I cried every night for three weeks about his class and his attitude. I was awful. But you listened to it all, held me through it all, helped me study for tests and prepare for my final presentation. You remember what you told me the day of the final?" Steve asked, keeping some distance between them while he spoke.

Eddie shook his head.

"You said that one hard class wasn't going to keep me from being what students need. You told me that I was going to be fine because I already cared about kids I don't even know yet, and anyone who couldn't see that was an idiot. And you told me you loved me for the first time."

Eddie looked over at him, brows furrowed, hair dripping wet from the rain.

"You loved me through a tough schedule, and being broke, and complaining about someone who ultimately didn't matter. You loved me when I was an asshole to you and everyone, you loved me when it was hard. Now it's my turn, okay? Let me love you through it all."

Eddie didn't answer for a moment, but then he leaned in and kissed Steve's forehead gently.

"I never thought I'd have someone who loved me like this. You're the best part of my life, you know that?"

"And you're mine," Steve replied, kissing him on the lips as the rain continued to fall.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #drabble #steddieholidaydrabbles #warmup round #college au

[feyspeaker]

Hii me again. I'm not sure if I sent the ask I'm talking about on anon, so maybe that's why you didn't see it? It partially got answered with a recent ask you got anyway so no worries. I was just wondering if you use 3d in your process and if so, how? I've seen other illustrators use it to varying degrees and it seems like a really helpful tool to push your work.

Oh that's so weird! No I periodically go through my asks in chunks and I didn't see anything like that. I've had a few people in the past few months send me asks that looked like the second half of something else with no context, so maybe it's Tumblr fuckery. Sorry!!

I recommend learning Blender so you can help sculpt shapes and render lighting onto them in order to get the weirder/more complex shadows right. You can also apply colors onto the things you sculpt in order to see how the colors act in different lighting. It's pretty much an invaluable tool to me as it keeps me from having to problem-solve too much. I did a lot of digging around in my house to build references to photograph but it was just impractical to achieve the things I want to a lot of the time. I still do that, and you would not believe how many goofy photos I have of my husband in the poses you've seen me paint Astarion in lmao...

I do think that it needs to be used in moderation if you are a more beginner artist- I think that using 3D is DANGEROUSLY close to becoming a massive crutch for a newer artist and improper usage or over reliance on it can lead to stiffness or artificial looking colors. You need to be able to train your eye to create compelling compositions by bashing things together, and train your hand to replicate/add/subtract as needed from your references with an organic feel.

I will say this as a total committer of this crime myself in the past, it's VERY easy to tell when an artist relies too much on, for example, Clip Studio Paint posed models as bases for pieces without a good enough grasp on their fundamentals. And I also used to prickle when I saw more advanced artists warn of this, so I do think maybe it just has to run its course sometimes, because I know that using 3D for reference seems like an easy-button.

I've taken a lot of in-person classes for live figure drawing and painting, as well as just totally done drills, basically, on sketching and painting from life before relying too much on static imagery/3D/etc.

I often fret over every piece I do looking too stiff even still.

You have to do a LOT of the boring hard stuff the old fashioned way. And I regularly go back to it over and over when needed.

For example, I recently did a stupid amount of rose petal/flower studies deconstructing and painting ugly little paintings/doodles over and over because I know that I've been horribly weak at painting flowers for years (actively avoiding them). And I've been doing a lot of floral stuff lately due to that.

Whenever I start a new piece in new territory, I know it's going to mean several 3AM nighters where I have two other tabs open on Photoshop where I test out different textures or do a couple of studies. I'm working on a piece of my OC right now that has a lot of gore/medical instruments and I've been working on testing out different methods for shiny metal painting and some anatomical studies. I'll come to a snag in a painting and go "here we go" and work through it one piece at a time.

My Halsin piece, "Secret Spot" in the hot spring, was a massive undertaking with a lot of these moments. The Karlach x Dammon piece took 3 times longer than it should have due to me just having to go back and fix things knowing I could do better after doing some studies.

Ultimately I personally find art tutorials to be quite useless overall once you get to a certain point, unless they are teaching the use of a tool/software because you HAVE to figure out what works for you. And even then I use Blender like a monkey with a keyboard, I suspect, because I've just bruteforced through it, so I could probably use a tuneup from a good teacher on that haha. I hope this helps some, and sorry if I overstepped if I sound preachy.

#ask

[come-down-that-tree]

Prologue Previous

Come Down That Tree! (An aftermare story)

Chapter special:  Dream’s takeover!

HEY! YOU, YEAH YOU! I’m taking over this chapter, xoxo. Dream.

“Hello there~

You may know me as Dream! Or maybe “one of the guardians of feelings”? “The positive one”? “The ultimate helper around town”? 

I’ve been called many things: “Dreamcatcher”, “Sunray”, “hey you”, “Princess Sunshine”, “strong bony guy”… 

And my favorite, I do not get to hear it often, “brother” or “twin”!

Because I am a brother and a twin to the other known guardian of feelings (yes we’re two on the job), the very purple-clothed Nightmare!

Well, if you’re from around here, you probably already know that? 

Oooor maybe you’re from far away and still new to this?

Let me tell you a bit about me, this village and my other half!

I should start at the beginning.

You see, Night’ and me? We were fully aware of our duty right after our creation. Our mother barely had time to whisper the story before she fully fused with the tree we now guard! Why did she do that? It’s a bit of a gruesome tale, let’s leave that for now… 

So, we twins, were borned spirits, bodiless and so full of the apples’ energy (the tree of feelings is an apple tree, isn’t that funny? Why not a cherry tree? I like cherries a lot…), acquired our body in the form of a skeleton monster’s shape and got released into the world!

I learned later that babies aren’t supposed to already know how to walk and talk and had to wait a few years sometimes to be as tall as we started our lives as. But then, it was just the way it was. We aren’t built quite the same as others.

We’re guardians.

We met the first villagers five years later (or so Nightmare says, I was bad at numbers then) and it was a whole experience.

They approached us very carefully, asking permission to settle down down the hill, promising they wouldn’t touch our treasure and would show us things we never saw before.

They offered us food and clothes and stories and many other things we did not know the use of. You see, our inane vocabulary stopped at what our mother knew about and even then, we lacked any true understanding (and genuine interest) about most stuff we grew up without.

I was very wary of these men back then and let my twin do aaaall the talk. So more useless words spoken, incredibly worthless compared to shouts of delight running through the long grass, compared to the low song of the stars twinkling high and compared to the earable pressure of one hand in another when the sun rises…

I despised those men. They were loud, foreign and constantly disrupting the peace of the forest nearby. But Nightmare was fascinated…and kept reaching out, delighted by the new knowledge he could gain from chatting with some and in his new favorite toys, books.

So I reached out as well, once the first children came around. I appreciated having new friends to run around and learning new games was nice. The beginning was slightly bumpy when I realized none were that interested in the games I enjoyed before meeting them. 

But despite that, they somehow grew on me fast.

I liked that period. The villagers started to bow less and dropped the formal titles the kids didn’t wait to ditch. I played all day, sometimes with Nighty, sometimes without him, and when the sun set, we’d cuddle against the tree, my twin reading aloud a story book and I’d always fall asleep right through it, dreaming of half tales (when our mother wouldn’t lurk around my sleepy mind).

Books really always were my brother’s thing, isn’t it?

Thankfully, nobody snitched on the fact yet I’m still awful at reading anything more complicated than market panels… Nightmare would never let me leave without running me through horrible classes once again. 

I’m not study-smart, ok?

The switch in attitude happened somewhere between the second and third wave of travelers joining the rapidly expanding I think.

I didn’t notice anything. One day, we would happily run together around half-built houses… The very next, we started walking very different paths.

I was always running down the streets and he always stayed put at the tree, claiming reading was more interesting or that he would go later.

I didn’t notice how fast we drifted away. I never really knew if something somehow got between us or just if that was the fate of two brothers with divergent interests…

Ugh, maybe that void where a strong connection had once been was one of the reasons I had such a miserable phase of experimenting things with people they claimed would “make me happy” but we’re… not talking about that!

At this point, you might start to wonder why I’m telling you all this?

I just wanted to talk about something with you that happened recently in my life, in our life, that I have mixed feelings about and I believe some context was needed!

And that conversation stays between us! I trust you.

So…

A season ago or so (I never said I got that much better at numbers, do not look at me like that), I dragged a homeless unconscious guy back home. 

Now, it doesn’t sound very good, said like that, but how can someone fall on what looks fairly similar to your build, all passed out on the dirt and not think “I must drag him to my tree?”

I know I’m right, now next thing.

I’m an hospitable guy so when I see no one is going to give a stray a home downtown, of course I tell him he can put his butt in my spot of grass!

I didn’t really take into account that allowing a stranger in our home would upset Nightmare and, that, maybe is at least part my fault for dumping that poor guy here…

I think, however, that Geno was a needed change in our life.

Maybe a dangerous change, teetering along the line of good and bad ideas each day something happened…

But despite the fear and confusion after those few “accidents”, I can’t deny Nightmare’s true smile, I missed him.

I’m worried however.

No amount of aweing at surprising them sleeping close or sharing stupidly sweet moments can take away the fact, the village’s atmosphere is more… sour than usual.

Especially since the last (bad) event! 

Last verflor festival, I went with Nightmare in the village with the objective of making the most of the day and sweeping some flowers to redecorate our mother’s scar. It didn’t go as planned. 

I lost Nightmare in the crowd when I got swept away by the music and the playful offers of dance by the local children. 

Maybe the fact I got used to waltzing alone around there is the main reason it took me so long to notice the devastating absence. Or that old couple dominating the place with their dance was that good.

Regardless of the reason, I let go of his hand and wandered alone.

In fact, while I was a smidge anxious when I noticed… I thought he’d be fine and that he’d probably just go back to the tree first! 

That maybe he’d pout at me for leaving him and after some banter, we’d tell our day to Geno and all!

That’s not what happened.

And you know that, don’t you?

I searched around for a moment but I kept getting robbed into activities or helping (something that strangely did not happen when I was still holding Night’s hand).

The sun was already down before I managed to flee back home, energy buzzing at the thought of finding my missing brother).

I was right about one thing.

I did find him here.

Small and shaky, curled up in Geno’s arms.

I was welcomed by a hard glare from our guest and cruel silence.

They both refused to tell me what happened and I didn’t insist.

I felt guilty enough like that.

It’s been some time since then.

Things are more or less back to normal.

I’m not stupid however…

And I do not like the dots I’m starting to connect.”

End of chapter 18... Go to chapter 19?

@dragon-tamer-1 @shinechermont

Geno!Sans belongs to @/loverofpiggies Nightmare, Dream and dreamtale belong to @/jokublog

#aftermare #come down that tree! #chapter 18 #special chapter #wooooooooo I hope you enjoyed the lil' special pov chapy! #I'll admit this chapter was supposed to be funny and light-hearted #here what I wrote down on my plan at the beginning for the chapter: ''18D-special chapter- tell lot of stuff about how the 2 are lovebirds' #but boy... is worried #so sweet got cut for that #that was so fun to write however #happy april's fools btw :D

[witch-ix]

The Magi Hunters of the Black Circle

Everything started with Acheron, a man who wanted to practice magic. However, humans were never born with magic. Thus it was only possible for them to use Dark Magic, which draws upon the magical energy within magical creatures to fuel spells.

To be able to do so, he crated a book, which he titled the Legendarium and a ring forged of iron - the Black Circle.

The Legendarium was capable of consuming Magis, sending them into a purgatorial-like dimension. Once captured within it, the creatures' existence got wiped from the collective conscience and they continued to be remembered as myths and folklore.

Through the Black Circle he was ultimately able to harness the magic contained within the Legendarium, without killing the creatures off completely.

In his travels through Europe, Africa and Asia he was successful with collecting every Magi. And on the way he met four men who were very interested in sharing the gift of Magic.

The first was Ogron. They met in Scotland, where Acheron also heard about Fairies, but was never able to find them.

The second was Gantlos, in Norway. The third, Anagan, in Africa. And the fourth, Duman, in Souteast Asia.

By then about 130 years had already passed and Acheron hadn't aged even single day since capturing the first creature inside the Legendarium. He theorized it was the magic, that kept them all from growing older. So, they settled and decided to practice magic.

Eventually, each one of them focused their magic into different powers, which would help them capture more creatures.

Acheron studied the Legendarium further and was able to enhance its powers, so they would only have to actually capture one of every creature and have all others of its kind caught at the same time. In doing so a page of the book was filled with every information about the captured Magi. Ogron taught himself to absorb magic, when attached with it, to make himself resilient against magical attacks of any kind. Gantlos turned himself into a detector of magic and learned to actively drain one Magi at the time of its Magic. Anagan trained to be able to turn the Magic of any Magi against itself. Duman learned to block a Magi's connection to its Magic. The block can only be active for a few minutes, but it significantly weakens the magic for a longer amount of time.

Eventually they traveled to Ireland, to learn more about the supposed Fairies and their hiding place.

With their combined powers they were able to find and get into Tir na Nog, where they killed a lot of fairies and burned down the Magical Core of Earth. But they weren't able to capture even a single fairy inside the Legendarium.

Instead, one fairy succeeded in capturing Acheron inside the Legendarium, before she escaped with it, whilst also saving two young fairies.

The four remaining Magi Hunters were able to kill every remaining fairy. But in the end, they couldn't leave Tir na Nog and where doomed to stay there for hundreds of years, since the magic of the island had that effect on humans.

The destruction of Earths Magical Core didn't render it useless - it rather made it harder to control, while it also kept growing. The four men just kept practicing their powers to perfection. All whilst planning out what they would do, if they ever were to escape.

#au-ix #wizards of the black circle #winx acheron #winx legendarium #terrestrial fairies #winx club rewrite #winx club au #winx club

[lullabiesfromhell]

Make love?

Yuta x reader

“Yuta..” I whispered his name, his head sat above my thighs comfortably while he watched the shapes of the clouds, studying them and creating stories with them. My voice however, interrupted his daydreams as his head shifted to look up at me.

“Yes my love?” He asked, pondering what I could possibly be wondering.

I stared into his round puppy eyes, nervous for the upcoming words which were about to escape the cave that was my mouth.

“I think—I think I’m ready.” I declared to him. Although my statement was vague, my dearest boyfriend understood my intentions immediately. His whole body suddenly shifted so he could get a better look at me, get a better feel as to see if I was fucking around or not (because I’m a tease like that).

“You’re… s-s-serious??” He stated nervously, shifting his eyes from my own to the bright green grass. Yuta has always been the shy type, not pushy at all. We’d been friends for over a year in jujutsu high before I declared my love for him just 8 months ago, and ever since then, we’ve been inseparable. I’m the only one who truly knows Yuta and the hell he’s been through.

I brushed his hair through my fingers, as I stared into his eyes lovingly, passionately and lustfully. It had been a hard decision with all the stigma between sweet love making; a concept so passionate, so sacred, and yet so demonized. An intimate bonding between two lovers, the ultimate way your cells connect and become one.

“Im sure, my darling, I trust you with everything I have… I want to give you my everything…” I began as I gently pushed his body down, getting on top of him and sitting on his pelvis, “my love…” I began to kiss up his upper torso, earning me a surprised gasp from my beloved “my years…” I began to kiss up to his neck until I reached his jaw, nibbling at it gently. “Y-Y/N I-“ he tried to form a coherent sentence which almost seemed impossible to him in his current state. “And… my body.” I whispered into his ear, before I leaned in and stopped at his lips, looking into his shocked, widened eyes, taking initiative and sharing a kiss with him—which he seemed thrilled to return.

The heated makeout session lasted around 3 minutes tops. We both pulled away, face red and lungs needy for air. Yuta put his hand on my cheek, making me look up at him, his eyes full of concern, worry, love and lust.

“Are you sure about this honey? I mean, this kinda came out of no where.. I wouldn’t wish for you to do something you’d regret later on. Maybe you should dwell on it a bit more.” He said.

I put my hand over his and hummed in response.

“This is why I love you. This is why I trust you. Because you know just how—meaningful this is for me how—sacred this act is for me… just how much this particular sort of bonding is a huge step, bigger than people give it credit for..

Yuta, I trust you with everything I have, my love. I’ve been contemplating this decision ever since our first kiss, which was 5 months ago.. and in the end, my final decision is to—give you my all to—give you every part of me. For us to get to know each other more intimately in every single way possible. I.. I love you Yuta!”

Yuta stayed silent for a few seconds, around 10 or so. He just looked at me in complete awe, unable to form any words as they were useless now. All the communication that was needed was the look in our eyes. That said enough. All that mattered now was what was next. His expression finally shifted into a crescent smile, he grabbed both my hands, intertwining our fingers as he stared at my e/c orbs.

“Okay then, my love. If you feel ready, then I’m ready.. I also wish to conquer the world with you.”

Pt 2?? 👀

#jjk x y/n #jjk anime #jjkedit #jjk x reader #jjk imagines #jujutsu yuta #jujutsu kaisen #yuta x y/n #yuta x you #jjk yuta #yuta x reader #yuta fluff #yuta smut

[the-littlest-kojin]

List Of My Characters, Haphazardly Sorted

The following page will be a list of all of the characters I am open to being approached about for RP, questions, or interactions, divided into categories to try to make the list easier to sort through.

First, my main!

Shio - Female - Identifies as a Kojin, Warrior of Light. My canon WoL. All over my blog. She’s snarky, strong, studies the cultures and languages of everywhere she meets, always eager to make friends and only has a harsh word when she feels taken advantage of. Accordingly, dislikes the Scions, who she feels take advantage of her. Loves fishing.

Further categories can be found beneath the read more! Not all of them have screens yet, but I will be adding more screens as my energy permits!

Basic Concept Characters - This category is for characters who are pretty basic, easy-access characters - ones that won’t require a huge amount of context or lore knowledge to grasp.

Conroy - Masculine, gender apathetic - Viera Archon of Aetherology, lives in Sharlayan. Very soft spoken, teaches people who can think "outside the box". Cannot cook. Has loving family.

~

Brilliant Caladium - Female - Roegadyn, adventurer. Blessed with the Echo but choosing not to overreach her limits in heroing. Does small scale jobs and tries to get other WoLs to relax and pace themselves. Jovial, friendly. Very fit.

~

Ava - Female - Viera brawler, adrenaline junky. Occasionally makes out with Sadu. Born in Rabanastre, was part of the Dalmascan Navy before Garlemald invaded. Has travelled the land since. Mainly wants to get in fights and find her family again.

~

Gologa - Male - Hrothgar soldier, was at Bozja when it got nuked, old and haggard and scarred. Can't use magic. Recently adopted a Garlean toddler. Very taciturn but very physical and practical.

~

Statera - Female - Miqo'te engineer, student of Conroy. Likes to tinker with machines in very reckless ways. Probably needs a few lectures on workplace safety. Very gung-ho, big hyperfocus energy.

~

Omikhle - Male - Lalafell, once was an infamously powerful black mage, made a deal with a demon for long life, now is a full time healer teaching students in Sharlayan. Brusque, rude, will set unruly students on fire.

~

Nith - Androgynous Agendered - Viera Ronin, wandering the land going where there are things to fight and teaching samurai arts to fellow travellers. Has no interest in politics, always interested in a drink and to hear tales of far off lands.

~

Ban - Male - Roegadyn ex-pirate, once cannoneer on the ship Thal's Mercy, now works a quiet life as an attendant at the Bokairo Inn. Very pragmatic, very rough spoken but ultimately kind in his recent years.

~

Gloyn - Feminine, gender apathetic - Viera botanist, was once a Warrior of Light but didn't like hurting people and so retired from it after some very unpleasant shenanigans. Took up healing and botany. Very short attention span, very bubbly personality. Likes glitter. Cannot hold still.

~

Odori - Female - Miqo’te singer, dancer, and entertainer. Hingan-born, spends her life travelling the world. Flirty, sultry, happy, and unusually tall. Enjoys being unexpected.

~

Khusel - Feminine Gender Apathetic - Xaela, left the Steppe after some familial clashes. Now wanders around, doing odd jobs. Travels a lot, kind of useless - vibe of “rat that went through the washing machine’s spin cycle.”

~

Alatyr - Male - Hrothgar, middle-aged traveling merchant. Travels the star over with a caravan of goods, always happy to buy or sell whatever is needed. Very relaxed, very calm, very friendly, very soft. Often found with a local beauty in a tavern, pub, or inn, drinking and smoking and laughing.

~

Blooming Arrowroot - Feminine gender apathetic - Roegadyn, full-time miner. Has two loving parents who she insisted should be able to retire, as such, works six days a week dawn to dusk to provide for herself and both of them. Permanently tired, very overworked, and can be found on her weekly days off drinking cheap swill in the Drowning Wench. Wishes she had the time or money to go see a play.

~

Unique Concept Characters - This category is for characters who I have come up with one or two unusual traits for, that come up commonly in their interactions and stories.

~

Amis - Feminine gender apathetic - Au Ra songstress, mute Qalli, writes music for a living in Radz-at-Han. Very short and explosive temper, communicates exclusively via music. Best songwriter you've ever goddamn heard of.

~

Lihtbryda - Female - Roegadyn mercenary, has a weird condition with her aether that makes her physically hot to the touch. Wants to save people and make friends but is very emotionally starved.

~

Saltsong - No Gender - Sea-deity given form, shapeshifter, usually takes the form of a coral-horned Xaela woman. Size shifter. Is the spirit of the ocean with all that entails.

~

Galdra - Feminine Gender Unsure - isn't sure what race she is, suspects artificial lifeform. Every time she dies, she wakes up again in the ruins of Nym. Has become blasé towards danger and death. Cordial but distant, has memory issues.

~

Acras - Female - Xaela, cursed by a Voidsent into becoming a vampire. Hedonistic, enjoys high society events, travels a lot. Likes to have blood from willing donors.

~

Amga Qestir - Feminine Gender Apathetic - Xaela, completely mute Qestir. Travels the world, despises civilisation. Friendly and gregarious, welcomes anybody to their campsites as they travel the world - as long as they do not speak. Lives off the land, and travels to everywhere on the planet, with the exception of any kind of town, settlement, or city.

~

Lore-Dependent Characters - This category is for characters who I have written to try to explore some particular facet of the FFXIV lore or story. Spoilers for the MSQ will inherently exist in this category.

~

Orinitt - Male - Dwarf blacksmith, had the Stoneblight that made him lose sight in one eye, shenanigans got him to the Source. Now lives in Limsa and is determined to become the best smith in two worlds. Alcoholic. Rivals with Gerolt. Very very grumpy.

~

Taraine - Genderfluid - Elezen knight, noble and heretic, lives in Ishgard. Extremely cruel and sadistic, incredibly angry at the Church and the Temple Knights, spent her life during the Dragonsong War undermining them. Now that peace has been found, does not trust the Church, is trying to find her new place.

~

Surya - Androgynous Agendered - Viis singer, lives in Eulmore and literally sings for their supper. Has no interest in anything beyond the now, wants to help people relax. Hedonist, kind, but uninterested in the long term.

~

Nehir - Male - Garlean deserter, son of Gaius. Was a sas in the Garlean army, posted on the walls at Ala Mhigo before deserting in disgust at Zenos's disregard for the men under his command. Believes in the Garlean message, hates the colonialism. Wants to help uplift people. 

~

Blaidd - Male - Elf Werewolf, given the power of the wolf by the Shadowkeeper on the First, then was stranded in the Void for years. Managed to get out to the Source, now lives in the wilderness in isolation, very uncomfortable in society. Has a very feral wolf side, keeps very tightly controlled most of the time.

~

Reson - Male - Viera escaped experiment, was in Garlean captivity for many years. Likely not his real name. Has the Resonant but can't control it, experiences physical agony if someone lies aloud near him. Very quiet, very distrusting. Has prosthetic legs, ending in hooves.

(Shadowbringers Spoilers) Amaurotine Characters - This sub-category is for Amaurotine characters I have created, who are by nature related to another character.

~

Thalassa - Female - The Amaurotine whose Sundered soul would become Shio. Once a Word of Mitron, designing microbiology for aquatic biospheres, she was given the responsibility of the Seat of Azem - against her will, but she took the duty seriously.

~

Kolokasia - Female - The Amaurotine whose Sundered soul would become Brilliant Caladium. Nobody of any particular important position or prominence, a mere florist in the Unsundered World. Collects flowers, and gives them to people who she likes.

NSFW Characters - Most of the characters listed above can be found at @the-lustful-kojin​ for NSFW content! However, there are two characters who are inherently NSFW in some fashion - be it violence, dark themes, or erotic content. They will be contained on their own blogs, which will be linked here.

Additionally,

~

Elucia - Gender N/A - Voidsent (succubus), mainly tries to seduce people and eat their aether, as well as keep their head down and not get slain by a hero. Very sexual, shapeshifter. Is NSFW for sexual and erotic themes, as well as violence. ( @thedemonelucia )

~

Nahla - Female - Elezen pirate, quartermaster on the Scorpio Siren. Is not nice. Is very ruthless. Never raises her voice. Mainly wants to keep sailing free. Hates chains. Is NSFW for reasons of torture and other dark themes, both in her backstory and her current actions. ( @quartermasternahla )

#ffxiv #ffxiv characters #ffxiv screenshots #ffxiv writing #ffxiv roleplay #character introduction #all my rp blorbos #please feel free to leave asks about or for any of them! #shio shinju #conroy rayne #brilliant caladium #ava riil #gologa afaria #statera numen #omikhle aequans #nith ergi #ban gi #gloyn byw #odori maneki #khusel #alatyr #blooming arrowroot #amis qalli #lihtbryda syngwyn #saltsong #galdra kanina #acras #amga qestir #orinitt ishi #taraine brightshield

[starvels]

STARVELS 2022 FIC WRAP:

a complete listing of all marvel fics i published in the calendar year of 2022 under the cut.

thank you for such an incredible year, marvel fandom! please know i cherish every single reblog and comment and kudos so much. 🥰💖✨

find my fic posts here | fic talk here | my asks with not-fic here | my art | my edits

in reverse chronological order, all on AO3:

down the rabbit hole PWP. Armor Kink. Superpowered Sex. Heavy BDSM. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Masochism. Sub Steve Rogers. Deepthroating. Multiple Orgasms. Bondage. Deep Penetration. Size Kink. Strength Kink. Slapping. Humiliation. Technological Kink. Open Relationship. Steve spends an entire afternoon at the mercy of the Iron Man armor. He gets exactly what he asks for, and then some.

since we're alone (you can show me your heart) 616: Early Canon. Asexuality. Established Relationship. Queer Themes. Fluff. Massage. Team Dynamics. Superhero Realism. Steve supposes it sucks the fun out of things - of assuming things about famous people’s sex lives - to know the truth. It’s not so fun to imagine that Tony has trouble getting off after the chest plate and the drinking and the heart meds. It’s not so fun to imagine that Steve isn’t interested in getting off with anyone all that much at all, even Tony. - Steve is ace, Tony is trans and the team is bright and hopeful and living together on 890 Fifth.

Devils In the Canyon 1872: Ensemble Cast. Hurt/Comfort. Vampires and Werewolves. Torture. Injury Recovery. Getting Together. Queer Themes. Body Worship. Power Dynamics. Blood Kink. The Mortifying Ordeal of Being Known. It’s been eight months since Steve survived Fisk’s attempt to shoot him dead in the street. Now, he has been captured by vampire hunters who are looking to torture him for information about Tony Stark’s daytime retreat location. But, Steve’s not much good at following directions or giving into pain. And as he refuses to give up Stark, Timely refuses to give up on their Sheriff. They’ll find him, he knows it. Steve just has to hope it isn’t too late to save what’s left of him.

into the ricochet 616: Established Relationship. Hurt/Comfort. Mind/Mood Altering Substances. Kidnapping. Cuddling & Snuggling Team Dynamics. Superhero Realism. Blood and Injury. Tony’s gaze finally slides over Steve’s, trying to keep looking down the hall and Steve sees it: the dilated pupils so wide they drown out the blue, framed in sharp contrast against the bloodshot whites of Tony’s eyes. “Shit. The needle. It pricked you after all, didn’t it? You’ve been dosed.” “What needle,” Tony says under his breath. Which is - not a good sign in the least.

a slow ticking wildness 1872: Hurt/Comfort. Established Relationship. Fix-It of Sorts. Injury Recovery. Sleeping Together. Sensuality. Three weeks ago, Tony burned his hands in his forge. Since then, he's been unable to use them, useless and listless. Relying on the kindness of strangers ain't exactly his expertise. Luckily, Sheriff Steve Rogers has good hands and a heart hale enough to keep offering bits of help and hope to Tony, no matter that he ain't all that good at accepting them.

blue oleander Ultimates: Alternate Universe - Post-Apocalypse. Survival Horror. PTSD. Space Opera. Mental Instability. Steve Rogers with a sword Janet Van Dyne with brass knuckles. Open Ending. It's been seven years since Earth was destroyed. What remains of humanity, of the superhero community, is on a ship, half-lost in the deep of space. But they're not alone. And what crawls through the portals in the aft cargo bay, day after day, is about as human as Steve feels anymore.

a lagoon too deep 64087: Alternate Universe - Evil AU. Demons. Blood and Violence. Dark Crack. Altered Mental States. Torture. Character Study. The Demonic Avengers are good at two things: bringing chaos and suffering to New York City and having a laugh while doing it.

stop bath Ultimates: Ensemble Cast. Blackmail. Friends With Benefits. Internalized Homophobia. Complicated Consent. Power Dynamics. Queer Themes. Body Dysphoria. Superhero Realism. Gun Kink. Developing Relationship. Missions. PTSD. Open Ending. It’s not complicated. One piece of paper. Short, to the point. Times New Roman. Repulsive. Continue engagements with Tony Stark until further instructions. ‘Engagements.’ Such a pretty, innocuous term. ‘Until further instructions.’ Such a sweet, auguring threat. They don’t even have to say, or else. Steve gets the message: keep his private life private and his employment gainful by continuing to suck dick.

entry point 616: PWP. Dom/sub. Heavy BDSM. Consensual Non-Consent. Risk Aware Consensual Kink. Bondage. Slapping. Breathplay. Gags. Facials. Dom Steve Rogers. Topping from the Bottom. They stare at each other for one moment. Tony’s pupils are just as blown as Steve’s were in the mirror earlier. “Please,” Tony tries. His voice is perfectly cracked. He licks his lips. “I don’t want, not like this — Steve, don’t do this —“ God, that should not be as hot as it is. Steve covers his own groan by bruising Tony’s lips with his own. Kisses him so messy and spit-slick it’s more a fight than a kiss.

the long and short of it (stevetony games 2022 fills) 616, 1872: Food as a Metaphor for Love. POV Outsider. Coffee Shops. Fluff. Superhuman Realism. Kink Negotiation. Whipping. Established Relationship. Masochism. Character Study. 1872: canon divergence mutual pining over a campfire 616: canon compliant outsider POV in a coffeeshop 616: established relationship whipping kink negotiation

pass the knife 616: Canon Divergence. Unreliable Narrator. Sexual Violence. Choking. Masturbation. Self-Harm. Internalized Homophobia. Rape/Non-con Elements. Mindwipe Fallout. Incursions. Psychological Horror. The multiverse has been saved and rebooted; everything is fine and good. At least, it would be, if Steve could just stop having strangely detailed intrusive thoughts about beating Tony with his bare hands. (Everything would be fine and good, if Steve could stop enjoying the thoughts more and more.)

fine as cream gravy 1872: S/T/OC. Established Relationship. PWP. Casual Sex. Threesome. Cock Worship. Deepthroating. Overstimulation. The complexity and simplicity of being gay in the marvel wild west. Tony’s an old hat at sucking cock. Steve himself ain’t nowhere near as talented. But luckily, Tony seems to enjoy both giving Steve tips on how to suck proper, and bringing amenable fellers home to give Steve plenty of opportunities to practice honing his craft. Steve likes to think of it as a solid goshdarn win for everyone involved.

lounge act 616: Established Relationship. PWP. Domestic Fluff. Power Play. Scent Kink. Frottage. Gentle Kissing. Body Worship. Post-Battle. Steve's eyes run over Tony’s scruff, over Tony’s exposed V of bare skin and chest hair, the soft terrycloth of his maroon robe, and the haphazard tie looped at Tony’s waist. “Loosen it,” Steve says, nodding his chin at it. Tony does.

tenenbaum 616: Canon Divergence. Extremis Tony Stark. Body/ Psychological Horror. Memory Alteration. Transhumanism. Established Relationship. Power Play. Electro-kink. Unreliable Narrator. “Did you choose this?” Steve asks. He looks over Tony’s face like the undersheath will grow to cover Tony’s lips suddenly, and choke him to oblivion. He searches Tony’s shoulder and forearms for any trace of the ports, like they’re going to magically open and swallow him whole. It is not magic, Tony wants to tell him. It’s better. It’s science. It’s a nano-network of superconductors hopped up on peptide-peptide logic. It’s an adaptive mimetic artifact. It’s an utter innovation in pan-spectrum stimuli reflex response. It’s an end and a beginning and both and neither of those at once. It’s him now, Tony_Stark_V.2.01. not an it. “I choose it now,” Tony says, finally.

stars glued to our thighs 616: Established Relationship. PWP. Overstimulation. Vaginal Fingering. Oral Sex. Tony Stark's Red Thong of Justice. Nipple Play. Trans Characters. Steve’s been out of town for a few weeks, doing the superhero thing. To welcome Steve back home properly, Tony clears some space for Steve to slide right into.

salt lick 616: Canon Divergence. Early In Canon. SeaMonster!Steve. PWP. Superpowered Sex. Tentacles. Bondage. Temperature Play. Creature Fic. When the Avengers find Steve Rogers in the ice, they discover that he’s a little more than just human, a little more aquatic in nature. Tony Stark, Iron Man, and fellow Avenger, can’t stop thinking about Steve's extra bits in a more than teammate sort of way.

morphokinetics 3490: Bodyswap. Established Relationship. Domestic Avengers. Selfcest. Trans characters and gender exploration. Superhero realism. Two weeks now, Natasha's been stuck in Steve’s body. Two weeks of protein heavy meals and using a hologram for all her meetings and being benched from Avengers call outs. Two weeks without good, nasty sex with her boyfriend. Far, far too long, in Natasha Stark’s opinion. Time to take matters into her borrowed hands.

annealing 616: Angst. Hurt/No Comfort. Major Character Injury. Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms. Established Relationship. Steve stares at the place Iron Man went down on the horizon. Any moment now, maybe. He could — maybe Tony will come hobbling out and do a wobbly-skip into the air. One repulsor not working, maybe. Worse for the wear, sure, but conscious, alive, fighting. Steve looks and waits. Iron Man stays down.

thank you again! 😘 please enjoy, reblogs are beloved, you are beloved, etc.

#my fic #stevetony #my talk #fic talk

[matthewrtg]

An Initial Biographical Rant-Sketch

You get one shot at life, and, if you're like me, you then proceed to botch it royally in some way or other. Your young self is apportioned whatever amount of hope and drive and dream fuel, and then you just go on to squander it all spectacularly during the liveliest years of your life. There are as many ways to botch a life as there are ways to miss a target, and, if you're me-adjacent, you look at a far off tree or whatever off to the side and say, yeah, let me spend everything on the liberal arts.

Back in college, after I transferred, I was originally a math major. My intention was to get into med school, and I never felt so much at play doing intellectual work as I did while solving definite integrals, so math made sense. Unfortunately, reasonable plans were ruined when previous flirtations with majoring in philosophy (which I had (temporarily) rightly stopped) blossomed into a life-altering affair: while taking my first philosophy course, I decided to switch entirely to philosophy. The math department chair suggested I double major in math and philosophy; he said I had the horsepower to do so. I, being young and an idiot with no one around to give me a figurative (or not) slap in the face and strong words, said no, that I wanted to drop the math major entirely and focus solely on philosophy. So I did. I felt good. After all, I had chosen the higher things and virtue, etc., the path to wisdom and the highest form of knowledge. And philosophy people got into med school, so whatever. Well, philosophy became pretty all-consuming, as will happen in the case of neurotic, idealistic young people, I guess, who are afraid of not being good enough (in an argument, but it's always more global than that) and who think there's a war between the forces of truth and of falsity that needs committed fighters for the former. The result was that I decided to pursue a PhD in philosophy and ditch plans for medicine for a career in academia; the members of my college's philosophy department were encouraging, and I thought I could make it work.

As things worked out, I didn't get accepted into a philosophy grad program with funding, so I decided by means of many decisions to do the smart thing and take out, ultimately, over a 100k in student loans to study theology in Europe for five years. I was originally only going to be in Europe for one year, where I would apply again to PhD programs (my chaplain in college, who had supported my desire to pursue graduate studies in philosophy, suggested a year at the place I went to might be good, both for the "spiritual formation" it might provide (which I hadn't gotten enough of in college, apparently) and the apparent fact that a year doing something academic looked better than a non-academic gap year), but there was so much work that first year that I didn't have time or energy to do so. So, for various reasons, such as wanting the intellectual formation I saw in other students, not having the energy or trust (in myself and others) to change course drastically, a sense that it was God's will that I continue, and having started in my third year my own dumb journey in "reparative therapy" with a paychiatrist who taught at my school (which journey lasted 7.5 years and didn't work, of course) and not wanting g to end it all before I reached real success, well, that initial year became 5 years. I financed it all with student loans. Because I could. And because I thought (and sure, was enabled to think) it was God's will that I do so. You, the reader, can no doubt see how thoroughly dumb my choice of paths up to this point was; if only I had had your clarity at the time...

Which I didn't. If I had, I wouldn't have applied to, been accepted to, and then maxed out student loans to pursue, a PhD in philosophy. Yes, I did that. For six years, I did that. I earned an MA along the way (which seemed wise because my other degrees, two theology graduate degrees and a philosophy BA, were effectively useless), but I finally got off that train that was almost certainly headed to nowheresville by withdrawing from the program this past summer (hands and wrists and arms that now hurt when typing helped. They hurt now, but I'm mad, so here we are).

Now, at 35, with a future that kind of looks bleak for physical limitations and lack of current resources to cultivate other options that immediately make sense (like coding), my hefty liberal arts background at least positions me well to point out how terrible is the whole system that works to convince young people, or that enables them to think, and to act monetarily and otherwise on the thinking, that somehow majoring in a liberal art (like philosophy or theology) is somehow wise. A few well curated phosophy and literarure courses can provide all the foundation one needs to develop one's ability to think well over the course of a lifetime. In philosophy, a course each on Plato, Aristotle and Aquinas, and the first half of Lonergan's book _Insight_, maybe, would be all you need; students can read more if they like. Maybe a course exploring the ethical thought of China and ancient Greece could work. Anyway, if people want more philosophy or whatever in a sort of collegial setting, they could go and found salons. And as far as theology and anything ostensibly regulated by theology goes, if you're a Catholic like me, it is all stuff that you can't actually know anyway, a kind of worldbuilding by nerds that most people do not care about (and need not care about) that all has to be decided by authoritative fiat anyway, which is proven by Thomists trying since the 15th century to impose "self-evident principles" by means of magisterial/papal/institutional power - but, I digress. So, if people in a position to do anything about it actually care about young people in the sort of position I was in, they will work assiduously to ensure young people aim well and do not major in the liberal arts - or, even worse, pursue GRADUATE study in the liberal arts. (If they need help getting motivated, maybe they can go ahead and imbibe the statistics found through the following link:

)

But of course (and this is my parting shot, mostly because my hand is tingling and this post is uber long) the people who COULD do something about it won't. Why? Well, there are all the institutional and microcultural inertiae, sure, but also because, well, various people and groups need idea mules to carry their ideas out into the world so as to retain cultural currency and general life through influence; people and groups need surrogates to give birth to ideas and mixes of ideas to keep different microcultures, traditions, etc. going into the next generation, I guess. Idea mules must be grown and groomed, and idea surrogates must be prepared well and given time to gestate their offspring; liberal arts majors provide time to develop cohorts of whichever. And so liberal arts majors will continue to be offered, and vulnerable youth will continue to be exploited, monetarily and otherwise, through them. Maybe the whole classical school movement will make those majors so obviously moot they'll be allowed to go away?

[tc-doherty]

Hey, TC! Happy Blorbo Blursday! My question for you is: where do you get the inspiration for your characters? How do you work to flesh them out more?

Happy Blorbo Blursday!

I already answered a question about how I flesh my characters out earlier but the answer to how I make up characters, how I come up with the plots of my stories, and how I create my world building are all the same. So I'll give an example using Untitled 3, because it's one that has very recently been in development. This did get a bit long LOL

Now granted, this one was inspired by something else, but even so it's not that different from how I come up with things unprompted.

I knew that I wanted it to be a political drama, with one character trying to regain "his" throne. And I knew that I wanted the two main characters to have a sort of 'warrior and tactician who bicker a lot' dynamic. And I knew that I wanted one character to be from a different world. Also ultimately, they're gay and in love because it's me, that pretty much goes without saying.

Even though I got the idea of this from something else, I usually will start with something similar to the above that I just want to write about, and go from there.

With this set of criteria, obviously one character has to be the prince and that character, coming from the world in question, also makes the most sense to be the warrior. Which means the other character has to be the tactician. But if they're helping each other, what causes them to bicker a lot?

That's because the tactician character is from a world that no longer has a monarchy, and has no inherent respect for the throne. He has no problem pointing out when the prince is being an idiot. He has a very different perspective on politics, society, and logistics because he studied these things academically via the history of his own world.

So why does the prince let the tactician get away with sassing him so often? Why is it that he was able to survive when the rest of his family was murdered in a coup, and how come he has no training in ruling, strategy, and logistics, as you would expect a prince to have?

The only thing that makes sense is that the prince had some sort of controversy about his birth which caused him to be viewed as a bastard, he wasn't in line for the throne, he didn't live in the Royal Suite (which gave him more time to escape the palace) and is kind of used to being slightly disrespected.

But he still studied other things like swordplay and hunting, which makes him not completely useless. BUT since he wasn't part of the main family, he wasn't as thoroughly steeped in the propaganda of the royal family, which makes him more open to accepting advice about change.

Why is the tactician willing to stay and help the prince on something that might take several years instead of attempting to find a way home to his own world right away? Well, maybe his home life isn't that great either, maybe he also doesn't really fit in. Maybe he's also always wanted a chance to prove himself. That would give them something in common.

Thus, Anrikas is a valiant if somewhat unevenly educated prince who is willing to do the right thing (but doesn't really have an idea of what that is), who is easily riled up but ultimately will judge people based on their actions rather than their words, who - even if he might protest - will adapt and embrace change if someone can give him a good enough explanation as to why it's necessary.

Thus, Tiarnach is someone who is relatively interested in history, but who has no respect for authority and has never really fit in anywhere, who has always been 'othered' without being able to prove he's worth something, so being put into a situation where he basically has to make his own way in a completely unfamiliar world isn't really all that hard for him, and when he sees someone that has a chance to also break away from the legacy of their family for the better, he's willing to help them do it.

And everything more detailed has come from figuring out their interactions with one another.

And this is the basic process behind almost all of my books!

#writeblr #Blorbo Blursday #thanks!! #kinda went off on this one lol #my characters

[asmussencraig09]

Today’s Gold Coin Prices

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Each will be obtained by buying gold sovereigns which is among the extra properly-identified gold coins on this planet. Here’s the pros and cons of your two fundamental options… Most gold coins are bought in one of two locations: at a local coin shop, or online. Usually, we wish Engineering to stay a tradeskill primarily focused on creating enjoyable or helpful gadgets for the engineer, however we're exploring choices for items that can be bought to different gamers for revenue. Gold coins are often considered for funding purposes - The Royal Mint's gold bullion coins are capital positive aspects tax-free (CGT Free). They have been used as funds for shipments from the United States by the British monarch. We make it possible for our merchandise are packed to the best of standards and all shipments are insured. And what’s one of the best methodology?

What’s more, some experts also see gold as the ultimate manner to protect your financial savings against rising prices since it’s held worth for lots of of years. Still, all thought-about, World of Warcraft makes a fairly fascinating sandbox to see how markets will react to extraordinary circumstances. The yellow steel has launched wars, bought fortunes and has been a type of cash all through that historical past. The QA addon used primarily for the glyph and gem markets has been abandoned and is useless in the water. Moreover, whereas the historic glyph demand has targeted on the "right" glyphs with a large but unfold-out demand for the non-optimal class glyphs, this new patch led to many individuals's buying one of every glyph they'll study so that they'd be set going ahead. In best gold investment , 1,072m3 of processing resolution was launched from a defective valve on a pipe going to the heap leach pad and was not diverted to the tailings storage facility because of a malfunctioning gate. I wouldn’t put more than 10% of my investable belongings in gold - but everyone’s totally different.

The gold value is determined by the gold futures (New York Comex and Shanghai Gold Futures markets), by the London Gold Fix (a course of that takes place twice a day in London) and ultimately and primarily by the forces of global demand for and provide of bodily gold. Know the source of your mint fresh bars, coins and rounds. We have dressed fairly a couple of members of Heavens Darkness with our business, in order that they love throwing greens our method. If you're in doubt as to any facet of any transaction in respect of the above product, please seek the advice of your individual authorized, regulatory, tax, enterprise, investment, monetary and accounting advisers. We believe that treasured metals are a long term funding, recognizing any specific holding period may be affected by current market situations requiring an extended or shorter holding period.

#buy gold online

[andromedasummer]

is there seriously nowhere to buy textbooks in person anymore for vic uni?? wow that really is horrible. fuck all the "protestors" and their lingering sentiment. what's your opinion on vic uni as it stands now? i've heard from a lot of people that in recent years it has changed (in a negative way), and even tho the uni wasn't responsible for the protestors, i heard from some people that they weren't so keen on the uni in the aftermath. whether it was due to the proximity to parliament or i also heard the uni's response towards students was basically "tough luck" when their finances and studies were impacted due to the "protestors"

yeah we got emails and the response was straight up "nothing we can do, avoid coming in if you feel threatened" which was like. yeah?? we feel threatened? 12-18 yr old girls at the local high school had to add like 20/30 mins to their commute because if they went past the protests they would be harassed. my 19 yr old coworker was reduced to tears by a man screaming at her at the train station about her mask. she had to come into work using uber to avoid it happening again. she lived over an hour away, it was NOT cheap.

i walked past or through the protestors a lot because i had to go in that way to study, home was too busy and our internet was spotty. i had to get very used to ignoring the shouting. but the public were at boiling point by the end assaults/harassment of the general public had gone up, local businesses being invaded happened more and suddenly people were driving past the protestors throwing milkshakes or yelling at them, which only made them more aggressive.

as for whats up at vic im not sure im the best person to ask. i dont pay attention to too many of the changes and rarely participate in clubs (i did help with classical theater and uniq in my first 2 years)

what i can say is the million dollars spent on the new science centre was useless, as the reason the science department needed a new building was because their lecture halls and labs were too small. the buildings rooms are the exact same size as they were in the other building. so the science faculty are fucked if they want anything for the next decade because "oh well you just got a new building." i dont know why theyve bought that massive bloody abandoned building down the hill and dont see how paying for its destruction is going to help with costs, god knows what they plan on putting there. at least first years will stop breaking in and cutting themselves on broken glass and nails/falling through broken flooring.

i adore pretty much all but one or two lecturers ive had at vic, the good ones are exceptionally good and make attending class a joy. and because nz is so small they know everyone in their subject worth knowing and are happy to make connections with them possible which is a lifesaver. also as someone who restarted their degree cos health problems + changed subjects ive had a LOT of lecturers from psych to classics to media studies to polsci. my main problem is the problem is the treatment of lecturers.

a close friend of mine from high school works as a tutor there and as much as he adores it, every time hes ever gotten his paycheck its because his union pressed vic to send it on time. recently theres been protests by staff for better pay, which i fully support, i even attended some protests because quite frankly for the experience, knowledge and ties these people have they are paid a pittance.

as for the book stores, we have multiple bookstores here but most are secondhand. the ones that arent dont stock textbooks, because the dedicated textbook place for 50+ years has been vicbooks. i dont know who it will fall to. unitybooks maybe? or we'll just have to order online like i said before.

but with the protests, people likely got turned off heading to vic because, ultimately, parliaments down the hill from from it. literally you just gotta walk up the terrace, turn right and then walk another 5 minutes. takes 20 minutes if youre fit enough. getting into uni was near impossible for most people because you had to go through or past the protest camp to get there (unless you were lucky enough to live on the other side of the city and go up the terrace the other side). also, because the main city train station and main city bus station are/were on the other side of the camp, it made confrontation if you used those modes of transport unavoidable.

ultimately the protest is not vics fault, not by a mile. if i were to blame anyone it would be 1. the protestors themselves 2. the police, who, when i walked past on day one, had only sent a cop car and 3 cops to watch over the situation, which is how they managed to pitch all the tents/blockade the traffic/take as much ground as they did. police were woefully, woefully unprepared. 3rd blame goes to the tow companies who all refused to remove the vehicles blocking the street because they were sympathetic to the group that were spraying nazi symbols on the war monument and calling for execution of our politicians. fuck them.

honestly im just glad that its over, even a year on. my dad was coming home when the fighting broke out and he could see them throwing bricks and starting fires a street away and the riot police bearing down on them and using hose. it was incredibly unnerving to watch, esp as i had friends and family working in the buildings around there.

[rosezhid]

Dating Tips And Quips

Shamefully i admit that i was interested in the display "the choose up artist". Essentially some guys who have desirable game train several nerdy, socially handicapped guys a way to choose up chicks. 

The show made me wonder that i absolutely do have a small arsenal of knowledge that helped me to get a whole lot of dates through the years. I stay in Newport seaside however I'm really now not the typical synthetic blonde, faux boogied, size 0, starving model that is local to the place.

 At the beginning look I recognize that I'm now not what most men are seeking out in orange county. Regardless, i have been capable of get dates with all varieties of appealing men through the years. So right here are a few tips for you (men and girls) that is probably useful (or might be demanding depending on how you operate them).

Tip #1- study a few tacky (however humorous) jokes! That is my thing-i always use it when i exit. It is a great way to open up verbal exchange with someone you first meet and to show others which you have a sense of humor. 

It is also a good way to find out if there may be any hobby as nicely... Due to the fact if someone is interested in you, they will typically maintain the communication going after your shaggy dog story. At the most, you will get a number of laughs and those will experience comfy and glad around you. At the least, you bomb after which ask someone in the event that they have a better shaggy dog story (because people like to be the center of attention).

 I always ask human beings to tell me their deez nuts jokes -commonly i method pronouncing "hello does each person have any desirable jokes that i can add to my collection?" i pay attention to theirs after which i inform my very own. *in case you are a guy- do now not inform grimy jokes to ladies (it's a turn off). We decide on cheesy to dirty.

A few of my favorite cheesy jokes:

Why does Snoop Dog carry an Umbrella? For Drizzle. Where do you find Virgin Wool? Ugly Sheep. Where do you find a dog with no legs? Right where you left him. Why don't cannibals eat clowns? Because they taste funny. What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where's my tractor? A Pirate walks into a bar with the steering wheel of his ship in his pants. The bartender asks" why in the world do you have a steering wheel in your pants?" The pirate replies "Aaakarsh, it's driven me nuts!"

Tip #2: look your exceptional

That is a given, but I suppose a variety of human beings don't apprehend what their "quality" is. So be courageous and ask your pals to tell you what they think about your appearance (suck it up, it will be correct for you). I simply don't recognize why there are nevertheless guys walking round with comb-overs, thin denims, terrible breath and bad fashion experience. Move in advance-attempt new matters with your look to look what makes you appearance your fine!

A few ideas:

Men - grow your facial hair out or shave it off. Start operating out. Take a woman pal (or a guy buddy that has appropriate taste) with you purchasing if you want to enhance your dresser. 

In case you are losing your hair shave it off (bald is beautiful). Ladies - cut your hair or alternate the colour, try wearing clothes greater regularly (all men love attire), wear contacts as opposed to glasses (or vice versa), invest in some properly excellent make-up and learn how to use it to play up your satisfactory features.

Tip #3: learn to pay attention

me, me, me, me, me, me, me! This is all i listen to if I am compelled to take a seat throughout from a person and nod as he drones on about himself for greater than 15 minutes. Do not get me incorrect, i want to study other people, however a conversation entails two human beings talking-not simply one. I met a man on line as soon as and while we ultimately spoke on the telephone our verbal exchange lasted a touch over an hour.... 

And about 59 minutes of that conversation changed into simply of him speak me about himself. Useless to say that became the final time I ever spoke to him. It's actual-human beings love to talk approximately themselves! 

So, discover ways to be a terrific listener. Women especially love to speak and that they love with a purpose to ask them questions as it indicates that you are honestly inquisitive about who they're. 

So guys, speak much less, pay extra attention (oh and try to be funny whilst you do communicate). Women, the equal is going for you too.

[mistypluie]

im so ready to never have to apply to another college or scholarship again in my life :( 

#i have been resenting scholarships since the very beginning of high school when my parents started forcing me to apply to them #now they've only become more work and higher stakes and im feeling very inadequate #i actually did rlly well on the SAT i just got scores today but .... colleges don't care about SAT scores for 2021 :( #two years of studying .. ultimately useless #but that's a stupid and privileged thing to complain about ngl #the point is that social anxiety makes it very hard to do leadership and ive been feeling like ive fallen behind #in terms of success..friends.. etc..... #u_u havent even asked for letters of rec yet because im too anxious to email teachers #ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #ur girl is gonna be in college and an adult in less than a year and im freaking out about it #will i even be able to do stuff on my own without people telling me what to do #yes im responsible but i also have social anxiety and am indecisive and can't talk to people #im legit very scared what if i cant even make friends. i guess not much will change seeing as how my entire social life is already on tumbl #:'''''''''') pls ppl older than me can i have some words of encouragement #misty.txt #delete later

[246sn]

not shy by itzy ✳︎ jungwon x gn! reader

synopsis it has been years since you've had a crush on jungwon but he has never noticed you despite your greatest efforts. during your final year of high school, you've had enough and decide to take matters into your own hands. ⊹ word count 2.1k

enhypen x girl group week masterlist

i say it quick, i say what i want. so what if i can’t make you mine? pointless. while i hesitate, time passes away.

you grab your book from your locker and close it when you hear a bunch of giddy whispers from all around you. when you look up from the entrance, you notice jungwon and his friends walking in.

once jungwon reaches nearer to you, you shyly put up your hand in an attempt to wave at the boy but it ultimately goes unnoticed which makes you awkwardly put down your hand.

you sigh, asking yourself why you’ve fallen for someone who barely knows you exist and continued to like him for years.

more of the story below!

you try to ignore the screaming and chattering coming from the fan girls who were surrounding jungwon and his friends. you walked to your class in jealousy, wondering how you could finally get the boy’s attention.

when you notice jungwon entering your classroom, you immediately sit up hoping that he sits next to you but much to your dismay, a fangirl has called him to sit next to her instead.

when you notice jungwon entering your classroom, you immediately sit up hoping that he sits next to you but much to your dismay, a fangirl has called him to sit next to her instead.

you sigh in disappointment and slouch once more, drawing invisible figures on your desk using your finger while waiting for the teacher to come.

you start to think about what you’ve done wrong all these years. you’ve been classmates with jungwon for about four years now and you both are going to graduate high school soon but he’s never once noticed you. what were you doing differently from all these other fangirls who constantly got jungwon’s attention?

you look at jungwon and the fangirl next to him, noticing how she was trying her best to simply catch his attention by talking about anything and everything with him.

maybe you hesitating wasn’t the best thing to do? you were just wasting time at this point and time was ticking since you didn’t know where jungwon would be studying for college next year too.

why do you wait? what does waiting do? why can’t i just say what’s on my mind? not shy to say i want you.

you realized that hesitating and waiting was useless since this plan didn’t work for years so it wouldn’t work until now.

you thought about it long and hard, why did you have to wait for jungwon to notice you when you could make him notice you instead? what does waiting do aside from losing your chances in being with jungwon.

you decided to hide away your shyness and become confident. you’ve liked jungwon ever since you both were still freshmen so you knew this feeling was real.

standing up from your desk, you were about to head to jungwon’s seat when you heard your teacher walk into the room.

“alright students, we don't have enough time today so let’s cut right into the chase. please go back to your seats.” she says, which made you silently groan and scurry back to your seat.

“we won’t have an exam for this term’s midterm.” she notified, eating loads of happy cheers from everyone.

she nodded and smiled, enjoying the bright moods the students had given before continuing, “instead, we will be doing a group project which is worth 100 points. you will not be allowed to choose your groupmates, instead, count from one to three.”

hey there, we make a great pair. don’t know what you’re thinking but what i think is right. i feel what i feel so i like you. it’s my free will you feel what you feel so tell me everything, all of it now, cause i’m not shy.

“two.” jungwon counted.

you crossed both of your fingers under your desk while looking at each student while they counted. you silently prayed that the person sitting next to you would say one.

thankfully, your prayers worked and you heard your seatmate say “one”. you let out a relieved sigh, letting your fingers go from their position.

“two.” you said, looking around to see jungwon looking at you. once your eyes met, he showed you a small smile and raised up his two fingers indicating you were both in the same group.

you noticed his dimples showing just a little and felt your heartbeat quickening. you immediately smiled and raised up your two fingers just like jungwon, making him nod and face the front once again.

this might have been the first time you two had genuinely interacted one-on-one and it made your heart go crazy.

you sort of felt jealous at how he did the same thing to literally everyone else in your group but it still felt special to you.

once your teacher asked you all to team up and discuss your final project, you immediately headed towards jungwon.

“hi!” you said, trying your best to hide your nerves.

“hey! y/n, right?” jungwon asked, making you nod quickly.

“who else were our groupmates again?” he continued to ask, making sure to break the ice in some way.

“uhm… wait!” you said, raising up two fingers to search for your other groupmates. when he realized what you were doing, he copied you which brought all your groupmates together.

while your group was brainstorming on what to add to your project, you felt an elbow nudge against your arm. when you looked at the owner of the elbow, you realized it was jungwon who leaned over and whispered, “that was really smart.” before showing you his two fingers, indicating what happened a while ago.

“it was nothing.” you said and let out a shy laugh. for the first time ever, you realized that you’ve just gotten jungwon’s attention and you needed to use this to your advantage.

“ah! by the way, i’ve always thought you were kind of cool. do you wanna be friends by any chance?” you asked him in a hushed tone, moving your body to face him completely.

jungwon was visibly flustered by your sudden confidence but laughed it off like it was nothing. he cleared his throat which helped him keep his cool and nodded, “i mean yeah, sure.” he said.

to most people, they would think he was just pretending to be cool to cover up his own shy self but to you, you thought he was just being really cool like usual.

you don’t need to answer quick, you’re mine anyway. you just gotta watch me, you will like it.

u kinda get rly defensive and like clingy towards jungwon but like also in a good way like he doesn’t rly need to answer u right away but he needs to be reminded that u like him and stuff like that yk????

a few weeks have passed and the midterms project has already ended, though you and jungwon got closer than ever. it surprised you how he immediately noticed you in the hallways and waved at you first when in the past he wouldn’t even gaze in your direction.

you’ve always felt an explosion of butterflies in your stomach whenever he would just simply interact with you. despite this, you did your best to make your feelings towards the boy as obvious as ever yet he never once acknowledged it.

since you usually arrived in class first, you waited patiently for jungwon to enter. right as you notice just a sliver of his hairs sticking out from the door frame, you get out of your seat and walk towards him.

“jungwon! wanna sit next to me?” you ask him innocently while trying your best to get his undivided attention to make sure any of his fangirls wouldn’t get it.

“sure, why not!” he said, following you to his desk not noticing all of the glares his fangirls were giving you.

“honestly jungwon, i think we should just be seat mates until the end of the year.” you said in a sort of joking tone though it was obvious that you were being serious.

“actually, i wouldn’t mind that. you’re fun to be with, so..” he said, taking his seat next to yours.

you smiled and felt your cheeks heating up but you tried your best to make it seem like nothing.

do you hate me? if not, empty it. delete everything else, i’m your only one. just delete them all. not shy to say i want you.

in the beginning, it seemed like your plan was going just fine. you felt like jungwon was feeling the same way you did, however this made you want to speed things up quickly.

“jungwon, you know i like you right?”

“yeah, sure.” he replied, laughing while rolling his eyes playfully.

“wanna date then?”

“y/n, quit joking around.”

you always told him you liked him without much thought. it always just slipped out of your mouth casually. he always pushes it away as if it were a joke but you saw how his face always reddened and how he would trip on his words whenever you said it.

months pass by however and you begin to wonder if you were doing too much for jungwon himself to handle. you’ve begun acting clingy and jealous of any other person jungwon was around. you wished everyone else could simply just be deleted and the only two people in the world would be you and jungwon.

you knew you were selfish for trying your best to keep jungwon all to yourself, however you didn’t want to lose him anymore. you just wanted to be the center of jungwon’s attention since you didn’t have that chance for the past three years.

you began to notice him attempting to distance himself away from you which made you want to make it up to him for beginning to be such a nuisance to him.

this brings you here, chasing jungwon down the school hallways as he’s trying his best to avoid you.

“jungwon, wait! please…” you say, finally catching up to the boy as you grab his sleeve. you hear him let out a loud sigh before finally looking at you.

“what is it?”

“do you hate me now? i'm sorry if you do…”

“i- i don’t… i just… i just want some time alone i guess?”

“oh yeah that’s fine… totally… i’m sorry for bugging you.”

“no need to apologise, y/n. it’s absolutely fine.”

i want you, who cares, cause i’m not shy.

two weeks passed after that and you really missed spending time with jungwon. you regret being annoying to him and distancing yourself from him after he said he wanted some time alone.

you always noticed him hesitate to go and talk to you but ultimately decide not to which absolutely shattered your heart. so now, you didn’t bother hesitating anymore and went up to him. you were going to officially confess to him straight up.

anyone could tell that the distance was slowly eating the both of you up. once you see jungwon with his friends, you walk towards him and tap his shoulder.

he turns around with a confused face which immediately softens when he sees you. you wave at his friends who wave back with shocked faces then wave at him.

“you wanna talk?”

“can we?”

you anxiously fiddle with your sweater sleeves waiting for his response. he smiles softly, bringing out his hand for you to hold which you happily hold. you both wave to his friends and head towards the school’s track field which was thankfully empty.

once you both reached there, you let go of his hand and look at him anxiously.

“listen, i know i’ve told you this a lot of times before but i'm being genuine here okay..? we haven’t spoken in a couple of weeks i know… but i’ve liked you since freshman year. you just never noticed me but i've finally gotten the courage to now.”

because i don’t want to regret it, because i don’t care how it ends. go pour out all you’ve got. no, yes, no, whatever, it’s fine. yeah, don’t matter how it goes. things work out except for the ones that don’t.

“we’re graduating and i don’t want to regret this. i don’t care if you start hating me and running away from me. i just want to know if you like me back or not.”

jungwon smiles, immediately letting out a loud laugh.

“i like you too. i’ve liked you for a long time, actually. i was just scared how we would work out since i’ve never dated anyone before… well- i still haven’t dated anyone… anyways, i do like you! seriously!”

“oh.. oh! what?! no, it’s okay, just be yourself and i’ll be happy. i like you and you like me!! that’s all that matters. things will always work out,

safe to say, today was your first day with jungwon.

#enhypen #jungwon x reader #enhypen jungwon x reader #enhypen scenarios #jungwon fanfic #enhypen fluff #enhypen aus #enhypen imagine #enhypen x y/n #yang jungwon #enhypen jungwon #fluff

[scrawnytreedemon]

Victor Frankenstein and Frustration: a Not-Essay, because I can’t structure for shit.

Alright, I’ll try to keep it as clean and concise as I can, but at the end of the day this is a sorta-heat-in-the-moment thing I’m writing while all the ideas and motivation are in me yet. I will be jumping around alot of topics, as this covers alot of ground, but I can’t say I’ll do it with grace: for this, I apologise.

I’ve noticed a trend in online lit fandom, not just on Tumblr, to condense Victor’s character to something roughly following “arrogant, ineffectual and selfish weenie who failed horribly at parenting, who ought not to be taken seriously in any significant way, largely in-due to his constant whining“ --In other words, a right twat.

And here’s the thing: largely, I agree.

However, what I take issue with, I suppose, is largely how this is all framed.

See, fandom has a tendency to sort characters into boxes, and then pick favourites or bête noires from that selection; this is helpful for the largely memetic(as in, shareable,) nature of online spaces; but where I think this thinking falls short is that it tends to divide casts into More Good or More Evil, with little room for nuance.

I think you can see where I’m going with this.

Victor Frankenstein, by all accounts, is an incredibly frustrating character to witness; he gets way in over his head, isolates himself from his loved ones, leaving them worried, deems those ambitions failed, hides from them, then when shit starts hitting the fan, he takes initial actions to try and mitigate the consequence, hits a roadblock, either stops their or chooses an even worse option, someone else gets hurt, he whines, rinse and repeat until the final act of the book, as the stakes get higher and higher and his mental state deteriorates more, and more, and more. If you look at this entirely from an outsiders’ perspective, as you, the audience, being subjected to his moaning time and time again, it can wear on you and your sympathies-- Needless to say, I Get It™.

I think, however, it needs be remarked that Victor is also just some guy. 

What I feel is often missed, is that even before Victor goes to university, he has just suffered the loss of his mother, with little time to recover, and that all of this is being told in hindsight, on his deathbed.

When Victor took on, all by himself, at twenty-two years old, not even letting anyone else know what he was up to, the monumental task of creating life, and then finding that life horribly botched, he did not have the perspective that what he created was equivalent to a newborn child-- For all he knew, he might have animated an actual demon. It isn’t until two years later, after the death of his little brother at the hands of said demon, the he’s even remotely made aware of this.

Victor had worn himself out over the course of several months, physically and mentally, to this one task. He was not equipped to deal witht he consequences. I do not say this to downplay the weight of his actions, or the horrible mess of events that come afterwards, but to state perspective. Victor does not have the hindsight we have at the time of this act. I cannot stress this enough. As much as I enjoy Deadbeat Dad Vick jokes, I get the feeling many people actually view the story from this lens, and hold Victor up to that standard.

Then there’s the trial of Justine: a horrible, useless, unneeded and avoidable affair that ends in even more senseless death. This is where alot of people’s sympathy for Victor runs out-- For more than understandable reasons. He failed to act accordingly, to share the information he had, deeming it to be either dismissed instantly or for himself to be put under scrutiny; it’s clear he’s passionate about Justine’s innocence, but he cannot push himself past his fear and doubt, and ultimately, it ends in her death.

It is a horrible, horrible moment, and one that cements the tone of the story from there on out.

These are two key events that largely colour this image of Victor so prevelant online; and it certainly doesn’t help, what with fandom being almost aggressively left-leaning at times, that Victor comes from a place of privilege; he is almost tailor-made to push all the buttons of fandom sensitivities.

Let me elaborate.

A key feature of Victor’s character is his complete and utter inability to ask for help; no matter how dire the situation. Victor feels, that, despite and even because of his incompetence, that it is his cross and his cross alone to bear. Any inolvement from others, such as Clerval when he heads to England, is hesitant and highly discouraged, even when he wants nothing more than to partake in the company of his loved ones, after all he’s been through. While it is also heavily coloured by the anguished sentiment that borders on self-absorption so much of the time, I think it is also worthy to examine this too.

Victor’s tendency to indulge in self-pity and self-loathing is nigh, if not entirely, all-consuming; it pervades the narrative to a painful degree, particularly as it comes from his recollections; it is often exhausting to read through, and nigh unbearable if you already hold a disdane from his previous actions; but here’s the thing I think most people miss,

Victor is depressed.

I don’t mean “ooh, he’s so sad, leave him alone 🥺,“ I mean the guy is fucking depressed, stuck in a constant cycle of attempting to make do but failing, hating himself even more, letting it consume him because he at once feels like he deserves to be consumed and it’s the only thing he can do then and there to soothe to pain as shit gets worse and worse.

Victor Frankenstein’s internal monolgue is a prime example of deep-seated, far-gone depression, and I say this because I myself have experienced and do experience this. Depression is fucking soul-sucking, man; it turns you in on yourself, makes you feel entirely undeserving of love and compassion, leaves you feeling like you must, have to, deal with this entirely by yourself because it is your cross to bear.

Depression is so often self-flagellating and pointless, leaving the subject drained and often largely unable to experience the world outside their own miserable little bubble.

Victor is so wrapped up in this soul-sucking guilt, attempting to fight his own ineffectuality and in doing so only furthering his own ineffectuality, refusing to ask for help, that he ends up putting the ones he’s trying to protect in further danger as he tries to scramble a hodge-podge solution to the problem he created and couldn’t have even begun to forsee its consequences at twenty-two years old. It is a painful, painful example of how if only he reached out, if only he told someone, was honest, all of this could have been avoided, or at least mitigated.

And I think that’s the thing with Victor.

He’s a kind of banal evil-- If such continuous stumbling can even be considered so --He is an example of every day self-isolation and refusal to let anyone else in ballooning to such a degree it ends in distaster.

People are far, far more willing to forgive Adam for his transgressions-- And I say this as someone far more sympathetic to his plight, what with the absolute abandonment he faced at the hands of humanity --Despite their far more horrific consequences; in many ways, they’re attributed to Victor’s failing; which isn’t entirely untrue,

But I have to wonder, if alot of this also comes down to the fact that Victor’s wrongdoings are so human; leaving someone in your care behind; not speaking up in cases of injustice; being self-involved; again, the constant whining. In a way, it’s the sentiment that in stories a horrible person is often far more bearable than an annoying one.

That doesn’t even begin to touch on how much of the bemoaning might largely be and often is directly post-hoc regret colouring all his previous actions. This, above all else, is a cautionary tale to a fellow idealist in the hopes that Robert Walton doesn’t Fuck Up the way he did. Victor stresses his regret and his failings and his misery time and time again because he wants to protect Robert from a similar fate; a fate that ultimately ends in his death.

Victor Frankenstein is a study in frustration; in audience frustration, self-frustration, narrative frustration; it seeps into every corner of the story.

I am not trying to defend Victor Frankenstein as a person; he is flawed; and he’s meant to be flawed. Victor, at the end of the day, is a deconstruction of the Byronic hero-- Of Great and Powerful Men on the Fronteers of History™-- And most importantly, I think, a deconstruction he himself undergoes. Victor eventually alerts someone, a Genevan magistrate, is doubted just as he feared, and then runs off to take revenge into his own hands.

It takes the death of Elizabeth Lavenza to do so.

Victor is a flawed, miserable man, but not an evil one. That doesn’t mean he deserved to have his life crumble around him.

He could have done better. Should have done better.

And he knows this.

His entire arc is about how he knows this.

Victor dies knowing this.

Him being unlikable doesn’t make him a bad character. Him being unlikable is part of the character; and in a meaningful way.

God, I don’t know how to end this. I’ll probably come back and edit this many, many times.

I guess I’m just tired of people flattening characters just because they’re not particularly endearing.

#frankenstein #scrawny speaks #scrawny rambles #analysis #victor frankenstein #there's probably even more i want to say and will regret failing to touch on #and believe me i do see the irony in a thinkpiece about victor frankenstein so laser-focusing on him #i really do #but it's kinda all the energy i have for #point is i don't think victor is a particularly good person #or admirable in any way shape or form #but that doesn't mean his character doesn't have worth #and i guess i'm tired about all of this just getting... tossed out the window #fandom is fun but also exhausting #he's a weenie yes but he isn't j us t a weenie can we please acknowledge that? #he's a guy. some fucking guy who fucked up. like alot of fucking guys who fucked up. #i wonder how much of this is also The Protagonist Complex #wherein we insert ourselves and go 'i would have done this better!' #because BELIEVE ME i hope i'd be far more empathetic and far more... Less That #but i don't know and i won't pretend to know #and i do wonder if some of this comes down to people not wanting to sympathise with a Bad Person because then it means they could be Bad #spoiler alert: yes. all of us have the potential to be miserable weenies. #none of us are safe. #i want to stress *potential* #please don't leap down my throat #ughghjg i'll stop. hopefully this was... Okay. i guess. #long post

[semischarmed]

Clarity

My hot roommate Zach is the perfect man. I think I won the cosmic lottery when we got paired freshman year. “Roommates for life!” he shouted, as he wrapped a tone arm around me in a side-hug. I chuckled, of course. Who knew the cutest guy in our dorm was such a dork. I remember that moment vividly, committed every last detail to memory. In what he likely only barely remembers, I recall to the last detail. I play it back often -even moreso, nowadays: The crisp autumn breeze. The filtered sunlight through amber trees, bathing us both in golden afternoon. The warmth of his touch, and the unintended taunt from his arm pulling me towards him and his jacket ever so slightly wrapping over my back. The slight, dense smell of coffee wafting from him and his minty breath cutting through. Thats how I remember him. Warm. Sincere. Safe. Zach would probably say that was the moment we became best friends. I, on the other-hand, would say that was the exact moment when I fell for him.

We did everything together from then on: Ate together, joined the same clubs, signed up to the same classes- that first year we were inseparable. Best friends to a tee. I’m not even sure what he saw in me- the guy was a hell of a lot more sociable than I was. He could literally find anyone else on campus, yet I had the privilege of being his roommate and friend. I commit that wonderful first year to my life. It is my happiest year to date. I commit that version of Zach to myself as well.

Trouble started early in our second year. He spent all summer back home, hanging out with his high school friends and his brothers. When we finally met back in our new room, he seemed distant. Still, I made the effort, getting closer and closer to him every day. He’d been sending signals too, I think. A stray touch, just a half second too long. A lingering stare in my direction. A gentle smile when I ask him a bout his day. I had to know for myself with certainty. 

So, one terrifying October night, I asked him straight up.The fucker laughed. Cruel, hideous, insensitive laughter. I’d never felt more alone in my life than when he laughed at my confession. That broke something in me. I quickly ran to my bed, crying myself to sleep. Without skipping a beat, Zach left the room to grab a bite to eat, seemingly unchanged by my outright confession. I had never been so humiliated in my life, yet only he would ever know. Still I felt him hold that over me in the weeks to follow like a dark cloud. Of course he’d still offer hangouts. He’d ask for help with some dumb assignment or try to get me to open up by faking some issues about himself. He was mocking me. I felt his sneer, ever-present from behind. Thats when I began researching alternative methods to exact what I needed from him.

Why a private university had a book like this is beyond me. It was a spellbook. A dangerous one, at that. All manner of incantation and processes regarding the human soul. I poured myself the next few weeks on its pages religiously. Translation is a massive pain in the ass but it gets done.

“Love cannot be created by spell,” it stated. Leave it to a fucking book to let me down too. I wiped away stray tears until I caught sight of the last batch of spells. I sighed at its contents. Fine. I couldn’t make him love me through magic, but I could have him the next best way. His body. The final section of this book of spells is, of course, the curses and enchantments required to possess another being.

———

The preparations have been made. It’s another late, awkward night in our room, where he just passes by, gives me a nod and a grimace and then heads to bed. This night would be different. I chant the words. The price is steep. Half of my body’s lifespan for the ability to take someone over in their sleep. That’s the one I settled on. Of course, there were more permanent spells outlined, but this seemed to be a happy medium.

The magic is dark in nature, and I feel the cloud over me deepen. I feel myself detach. It’s weightless, but grounded. Makes sense, given the purpose of this spell. I watch my target and lick my astral lips. There he was, happily dreaming without a care in the world. I study every curve, like sculpture. He is muscled, but tone. Zach likes to sleep with his shirt off, so I get to see what powerful chest up close. I watch as powerful lungs, drawn in air before gently dispersing it. Perfection. I watch that beautiful face lie still in a satisfied smile. Angelic. This body is power, incarnate. My power, soon.

I follow closes until I am but inches from his face. I stir around him, slightly. I want him to know it’s me. Bleary eyes open and he gives a weak smile when he sees me. “Dude-” the smile quickly fades to shock. “Wait what the fuck...” in sinful glee I push into my man. He involuntarily absorbs my particles, my spirit. He tries to push me away, to get me off him. Hands are useless to stop me. I phase through them with no resistance. His breath quickens as he begins to panic. This only further brings me into him, as he is forced to breath in the only air around him-me. 

Then, he starts choking, trying to force the parts of me in him out. I am unfazed. Instead, in I keep filling into him until all of me is inside. This is the way we were meant to be. He pulses and convulses and chokes while I align myself into him. I revel in Zach. In being Zach. Despite all the shit he pulled this year, he still is perfection. My perfection, now. 

I command his lips mine. “Invoke me. Become me. Manipulate this body. Explore us. Stay, in me. I want you here, forever.” They’re not words he usually uses. I rile in a frenzy when these phrases leave his lips at my behest. When his voice becomes my own and I make us moan. When his body complies with my every whim. When Zach’s flesh is mine. It is euphoric. Orgasmic even. I intend to follow through, to reward it. To pleasure it. God it feels good being in him. Being him. He may not love me, but love me he will, even if indirectly. Every waking moment I spend inside this man will be a moment of him loving himself, loving me. Now, And then I feel it. I clutch my head in pain. Zach.

Veins strain in his forehead as he puts every last effort to exorcise me out. Resistance almighty in this body. In tears I feel myself stripped from momentary heaven. He chokes as a dense fog that is me escapes his mouth. He is successful.

When I am kicked out of his body abruptly, I flare in anger. How could he do this? How could he? I look back at my slumbering form. No matter. My resolve is steel. Somehow, somewhere deep inside me, I knew somewhere it had to come to this. I chant the final curse mentioned in the spellbook. The price is the steepest of them all.

I watch as my physical form dissipates. I writhe as I am renewed with newfound energy. Potency. Virility. I’ve put in everything. Everything I ever was into becoming him. Zach would be mine, no matter what. 

Before he can readjust, before he can even think about what had just occurred, I flood back inside my man. Inside my body. My one true body, now, given what I had to sacrifice. I make him smile while he takes me in. Smile in preparation of a new, permanent driver. I thrust my astral form inside its new home. It’s warm. Roomy. muscular. We make this body grin, shout, cry, writhing all the way in its sheets in our battle for control. I’m not even sure he knows what he’s doing when he fights me- but he always was a natural in everything he picked up. I feel our shared muscle contract and relax as it is forced to accept its two masters- soon to be one. Soon to be me. Zach’s soul was strong but no one was a match for the full force of an entire human body-turned-spirit. I feel his soul start to lose footing. Jackpot. Immediately fill take its place. My place.

I was far deeper in Zach now than I was before. His essence struggles, trying to escape me but I keep us steady, hold us tight. Our minds begin to connect this time around and we sync. The book said this was a necessary step. I blink away our tears into a satisfied smile. Our face is flush from the fight, flush from my greatest victory. “You’re mine forever,” I think to myself, My words. The verbalization of my invasive thoughts in his head- they’re spoken in his tongue. In his jock-like inflection. I even now think in his voice. Of course, it’s relatively minor in the grand scheme of things. Yet it is undeniable proof. The finality of it all. Proof that my body no longer existed in this world. Proof that for me, forever, Zach would be my default. Just one last step to it all. One last push- I’ve already given this much, there was no going back. I would displace Zach as the true owner of this body. It’s as the final line in the book states: “Encapsulate their soul, devour it, digest it, make it yours. Then, true control at long last.”

Tears stream down our shared cheeks as we both realize the true gravity, the true consequences of my actions. We are synced now, but I haven’t yet completed the process. So, our emotions are a mix. So, it’s bittersweet. He’s mine. We’re one. I’m finally with Zach in a way most intimate. Despite it all, he isn’t fighting back. Why?

I rage inside him, wanting him to be mad, wanting him to hate me, to give me justification my ultimate transgression. He offers none. Instead, I am hit with borrowed clarity. More of his memory floods into me and I begin to cry. 

I watch my every worst moment through his lens, relive the demons of my past and yet, from his perspective they never looked quite as dark or traumatic as I had made them out to be. Even my confession itself, my initial catalyst, had merely been a blip in Zach’s mind. If anything, he had been more concerned that his own nervous laughing was the cause of my spiraling. I quickly realize how much wasted time I spent, building up Zach into this god in my head. My god. In the end, he was human after all.

I feel Zach pull instances of himself from my memories in turn. It turns out he had many, many insecurities as well. Many moments where he needed validation or support. Many moments, even in recent memory, where I had never picked up on on his fear and self doubt. An offhand comment here. Some self-deprecation there. Of course, stupid me always there to respond by telling him to quit joking around. I felt the months of torment he felt in my coldness after my confession. He wasn’t making fun of me or being an ass, he wasn’t even patronizing (well, he wasn‘t trying to at least)- he thought he was losing a friend. The guy was just a bit oblivious. God I was so dumb. Of course, he blames himself for my eventual actions. Poor guy. Zach didn’t deserve any of this- he never did. “Thank you” he cries in new clarity.

In mental tears I begin to undo my connection to him. It’s not something he had the capacity to do himself- I made that a reality when I used my physical form as tribute. I know the price which must be paid, for my greatest sin, born from misunderstanding. There wouldn’t be much left for me- the price for the spell was my physical body after all. It didn’t matter. I made that choice for myself when I recited the spell. But Zach... he had no choice at all. He still had a chance at a life. A life well-lived with knowledge and confidence gained from my memory. It was the least I could give him.

I begin to drift away as I balance the cosmic scales. I detach the last of myself from Zach, ready to give him back his body, ready to return him to his life. It’s merely a reverse of the process from before, yet it all feels lighter somehow. I take it as a sign of karmic justice. Of course, I am scared. Who knows what awaits me? Maybe I can find another body to inhabit. Maybe one in a coma. Maybe i’ll be reincarnated. Maybe nothing. Maybe I’ll just vanish on the spot...

Zach doesn’t give me the chance to find out. I feel his astral hand holding on to mine. His face is sympathetic. Kind. Warm. Like it used to be. Like it always was. His body leans up to pull me into a warm embrace. I start crying in spirit. “You, you don’t have to do this-” 

“I know” he says. He pulls me tighter. “Roommates for life, remember?” Now he’s crying. “There’s no way to go back- we both know that, but you still got a life to live-we both do.” He smiles as he guides me to himself. I reattach to him. We weave our souls as one. “C’mon man, I told you I grew up sharing a room.” I am a complete mess of emotions at this point. Unworthiness, Love, Relief. I feel his mess too. Neither of us knew where to go from here, but we both knew we’d face it together.

The experience was sobering, to say the least. We cried together that night. We cried at newfound realization. We cried at irreversibility of what I had done. Hell, we even cried at the extra rent that had to now be paid. I had no way of undoing what I did, and Zach wouldn’t let me go. In the end, we decide to just give it a go, a resolve to live as one person. “Zach 2.0,” as he jokingly put it. Dork.

———

“A happy accident,” is what Zach called the events of that night. He always was the optimist. Although, these days, I’m a bit of an optimist now too. I am Zach now too, after all. All things considered, we’ve done quite well together. Zach 2.0 was everything. We were smart, intuitive, confident, compassionate. We’ve made this body the healthiest it’s ever been. Hell, together we even graduated with honors, something neither of us could ever hope to do alone. Both our parents were real proud of that one- he told mine at my funeral that we had been together and we’ve been in close contact ever since. By no means were we the perfect man though. There was no perfect man. We’ve had our share of fights, struggles, times where one of us would take full control of this body we share, shut the other out.

Once in a blue moon, we both dream of what our lives could have ended up as, had I not done what I did or had he let me disappear that night. In retrospect, I really do think my life had a lot of things going for it. Hindsight is always 20/20, as he likes to say. I saw many an opening, so many areas for improvement that my younger self was blinded by in lust and perceived betrayal. There was so much life I could have lived, had I just not opened that stupid book. I don’t dwell on it too much though. We’re both quite happy sharing this body. I’m living in one body with my crush, whats not to like?

The first few months were quite jarring. Our friends and family would see us happy and outgoing at one moment and then flip to quiet and reserved on a flip of the switch. Gratefully, they been patient with us, assuming it was the byproduct of a grieving boyfriend. The more years I grow with him, the more alike we have become. Sharing one body and living one life tends to do that. I’ve probably rubbed off on him a little too. He’s just a bit more analytical now, a bit more perceptive, and I’ve learned to let loose every once in a while. Altogether, we make a great team. We’ve even managed a slew of relationships along the way. Hell, he’s even gone out with some guys-no doubt a byproduct of my soul being a part of him. Of course, in the ultimate cruel twist of fate, they never last- he tells me “none ever match me”. Well of course they can’t. I’ve lived every moment with him, felt his every thought, lifted him when he was up, consoled him when he was down. Ironically, in a roundabout way, the spell did end up causing love, causing for him to fall for me- at the cost of us never being able to be a couple in the physical sense. Guess you really can’t have it all.

In the few years we spent together my love for him has only deepened. I know he feels the same way. We are one person, after all. All things considered, it’s not a bad setup. If love on the physical plane happens, it happens, and if it doesn’t- then we still always have each other. Regardless, I’m sure we’ll find someone out there for the both of us, someday-there’s that optimism again. Of course, we don’t pine for it. Our main focus has always been each other. Growing together. We’ve got a whole life yet to live. And he’ll have me with him every step of the way. And we can’t wait to face it all, together.

-End-

Eh, it’s a bit underdeveloped but I’m not a novelist and I didn’t want to spread this out over parts. Going for something a little different with number 14- hope y’all like it!

#male possession