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tundrainafrica · 4 years

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So I see your a LeviHan shipper!! I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite?? Maybe you could explain that a little through a list? But anyways I hope your week has been good so far, Sav. Have a good day/night!!!! - Signed by Your Secret Santa 🎄

Hello! Thank you for asking about my week (and my ship).

I enjoy the ship a lot too!! But are there any specific reason that their your favorite?

To answer that first question...

You’re in for a long rollercoaster ride of a rant because I don’t think I’m the type of person to ship anything to the point of writing domestic fluff fics unless the I felt really really drawn to the ship.

Anyway, (slight) spoilers abound! Will keep manga spoilers subtle, mostly Levihan scenes.

Disclaimer: I do not want to start shipping wars. I specifically avoided the words like should or best because I recognize that shipping is generally based on preferences. I respect everyone’s preferences on what they want out of a ship or even a relationship and through this, I just hope to express my own preferences and maybe even gush with people who agree.

1. The ship did not move the plot. The plot moved the ship.

Attack on Titan is not a romance or a shojo, if it’s not fairly obvious from any chapter you would randomly read. As a reader, I would have expected it to fall short with pairings. Most shows which are not romance based tend to have a few pairings which just suddenly end up together towards the end of the manga because “What’s a happy ending without marriage and kids?” There is usually a trend of just pairing of the extras and sometimes, or maybe even more often than not, it just seems to come out of nowhere (ehem... Naruto.). Maybe the relationship worked off screen but I dunno. Like no shipping war here but the only pairing I had full support for was Shikatema.

In stories classified as romances, there is enough of a spotlight on the sexual tension and mutual pining of specific characters for the romance to be considered reasonable. In my opinion, some authors tend to sacrifice really good world building for a good romance. Objectively twilight for example had some crazy good world building but it just kinda focused a little too much on emo Bella and emo Edward for the world building to actually be appreciated by the casual reader. Tbh though, this is not necessarily bad because people get into stuff for reasons, sometimes, I just wanna read a good fantasy, sometimes I just wanna read a good romance.

Romances though as a main driving point for narratives, require some convenient serendipity moments and sexual tension which can be written well but as a reader, I prefer to see more natural relationships born out of necessity (Wall of Winnipeg and Me by Mariana Zapata is a good example of what I’m talking about in a romance novel.)

Attack on Titan through its narrative actually made Levihan seem VERY VERY possible. If I had to compare the presentation of this ship in canon to at least one relationship in other anime, I would compare it to Royai from FMA.

Like, if Attack on Titan didn’t give us random subtle hints about romantic or just platonic relationships between the two or even about anyone, even if Levi and Hange did get together in the end, it would have been one of the pairings, I probably wouldn’t have raised an eyebrow at.

But they could be just friends? Which brings me to my next point.

2. Their current situation makes it so it’s only natural that at the least, they considered it.

Yes. Friends is a valid interpretation for anything. I mean, given our hook up culture, people can fuck as friends too. People probably have made out drunk as friends too. Like I have seen my fair share of this type of bullshit in high school and college and I would say, we do not need a kiss or a fucking session to recognize that something can be a good relationship or to recognize that they have probably thought about it.

A relationship requires a commitment (conscious or unconscious) to caring for the other, keeping the other safe, recognizing their flaws and thinking about them regularly (Call me scott peck or marriage counselor but like I honestly think the world would be a better place once people recognize that quality romantic relationships are worked for).

Mind you, Levi and Hange lost everything.They literally lost everything from their old life, all their friends, all their loved ones and all they have is each other and they’re forced to take care of a bunch of kids.

There are people who have said before, no one gets very close with someone without ever considering a romantic relationship with them. Or even if they never considered it romantic, they could consider at least “living with them their whole life,” or “supporting them through thick and thin.” The things is, towards the end, they were constantly together and what drove them to that situation is that both of them are aware of what the other had lost. They understood each other more than anyone else and they recognized that they were the only ones left in their own circle and I personally think that is more than enough for a relationship to naturally bloom between them.

3. The relationship and the signs are subtle and it works.

I personally probably would not have enjoyed it if canon showed a romantic relationship of the two after Erwin died. It’s a valid interpretation to consider that it could have happened, based on my explanation for number 2 but Hange is commander, Levi is captain. They have a professional relationship and they have goals and obligations which take precedence over personal desires. They are in the middle of a war and the most which probably could have happened was a secret mutual pining between the two and I think Isayama has injected the most subtle hints which are the most that could have been appropriately put into canon without seeming too OOC. Hange and Levi are not selfish people. They have promises, dreams and obligations which they respect and have committed themselves to already. It has also been shown at earlier points of the manga that they do put their survey corps duties on top of everything so acting on a romantic attraction at that point in time would have definitely been inappropriate.

I personally think, the scenes of Hange going out of her way to save Levi as commander, killing her other soldiers to save both their asses, suggesting in the forest that they live together instead of go back to the war and not leaving an injured Levi until she had no choice were more powerful than a lot of romantic scenes where people actually fuck and kiss. Kissing and fucking are easy. Leaving the duties and responsibilities they have worked for for five years to keep the person they love alive hits way harder.

Call it platonic. Call it romantic. But no one like Hange would have deserted her post as commander for a few chapters to take care of a sick comrade and kill her subordinates to save their asses if there wasn’t anything between them.

4. It gives a great example what healthy relationships can come from.

I grew up reading sweet valley and chick lits cause I was a basic bitch and I kinda grew up with a somehow unrealistic idea of where relationships come from. Call me a late bloomer but I only actually figured out where the romance and the happiness of a relationship was when I got into one with my best friend for five years.

It’s the sexual tension and the “will they wont they?” push and pull which can lead to satisfying sex or a happy ending in romance novels. I think in a way, media kinda overglorifies it which kinda gives a lot of young people the wrong idea about why they getting into a relationship is fun in the first place. Because after the satisfying sex and the kids, what’s next for the relationship?

Years of utility bills, diapers, chores, schedules, parent teacher conferences and compromises until someone gives up or dies. And what kind of relationships can actually thrive through all these?

Those that have mastered the underrated parts of relationships. These include conflict resolutions, compromises and open communication. I think we have seen enough of those two, even before season 3 that have shown that they know each other very well and they have shown to at least have a relatively equal power dynamic which is a foundation for open communication and mutual trust in relationships even beyond the fucking and marriage stage

5. They have a great foundation of character development for both parties.

As I mentioned above, they have a relatively equal power dynamic. I love Royai from FMA and I have compared Royai to this multiple times. I would say though I prefer Levihan over Royai because I felt that Royai had more unequal power dynamics? (Though I still think Royai is a top tier ship ). Also, they have shown to tell off the other when they don’t like what the other is doing. They are complete opposites but here is the magical thing. They talk everything out. They’re generally open people to each other and they know each other way too well as hinted in scenes before and opposites work as long as the others are willing to compromise. I think (especially in season 3 and season 4) that they have done enough for each other and have compromised enough for each other in the survey corps that these skills could easily be brought with them even after the war.

That open communication is just what makes them maintaining a relationship while being complete opposites very OC and realistic. Eventually, they did probably did make compromises, which most likely softened or moderated the crazy parts of their personalities which is just a really fun part of their relationship to explore.

6. It could realistically last so maybe ...

7. A good foundation for happy children?

Maybe it’s how it is written because of the actual story and why would Yams write a romantic drama in a story about genocide and war. Tbh, I would attribute it more to Levi and Hange’s personalities though because Mikasa and Eren have their fair share of drama, mostly one sided though coz Mikasa. This relationship has no drama, no misunderstandings which just further supports my point that they have a relationship that thrives on open communication and mutual trust. Drama is fun like when we’re the ones on the sidelines eating the popcorn but I have third wheeled enough people in my life to realize that I will not support a relationship where both parties are just not ready to be mature about it, in real life and in fiction.

My favorite couples, in real life and in fiction, are definitely those who keep conflict among themselves and maybe among trusted people. I think one sign of a healthy relationship is one where problems don’t become public through social media or through like 20 people. One important yet underrated part of relationships is the atmosphere of comfort and freedom which encourages both parties to be able to directly approach one another before tensions and uncertainties get out of hand.

And a life free of dramas at least in the early stages of life just kinda shows at least that both parties are ready to bring a new life to the world? Because like immature parents with shitty conflict resolution skills really fuck kids up man and I passionately believe the world would really be a better place if babies were born out of trust, mutual understanding and open communication instead of sex but yeah, make sex fun to keep our race alive.

So anyway, I guess, I just finished explaining why I love this ship so much while also disclosing my preferences for relationships.

As mentioned above...

Other pairings which I support for those curious: Shikatema, Royai, Victuuri, Percabeth etc.

Also... To answer your second question...

My week has been great, some pretty solid life developments but US elections wise, not so great... (WHY IS THE ELECTION RACE SO CLOSE?)

#levihan #levi x hange #levi x hanji #levi ackerman #hange zoe #ship #analysis

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ahgaseda · 5 years

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the NSFW alphabet | Mark (Got7)

{ this post contains graphic descriptions and explicit content : please read at your own risk! }

A = aroused (how he acts when he's in the mood)

like a horny little fuck boy. but he also smooth as fuck. says the dirtiest shit. cant keep his hands off of you. will bring your hand to the bulge in his jeans like baby look what you made me do. goes right for the neck kisses. he knows thats the weak spot and hes not afraid to go for it straight away. pouts or sulks when you play hard to get but secretly loves it.

B = body (favorite body part of their partner)

he loves your skin. he loves how soft it is. he loves how warm it feels against him. he lives to trace his fingertips in mindless patterns up and down your body. from your head to your toes. he loves to nip and bite. he loves to lick and suck. if he can mark every inch of you he will. oh god and the warm sweaty feel of your skin when youre on top of him after a round of sex is his favorite.

C = climax (what he's like when he orgasms)

face scrunching up. teeth buried in his bottom lip. during sex and climax its like the only word he knows is fuck. if its a really intense nut he may just repeat that word until he finally comes back down. hes not afraid to make noise but its usually soft moans or heavy panting. he also the type to like staying inside after he finishes. youre very used to him getting comfortable on top of you.

D = dominance (is he dominant, submissive or a switch)

a very very good switch. he is the master of both sides. can be a rough and intimidating dom that puts you in your place and fucks you from behind into the mattress. or he can be the cutest brattiest little sub that lets you cuff him to the bed and do whatever you want with him until further notice. he doesnt really have a preference since either are good fun for him and he likes making you both happy.

E = experience (how experienced is he in the bedroom)

he definitely been at this a while and hes not opposed to one night stands. when hes in a relationship he gives his all to his partner but a quick fuck with a stranger not so much. because hes a Virgo he prefers sex with love but when hes single he will make do with what he has. but when hes in that meaningful relationship with someone he loves he will make it his mission to become an expert on pleasing them in bed.

F = fortitude (does he have a lot of stamina and energy)

yes and no. lots and lots of stamina. he can make a round last as long as needed. he can hold back his orgasm until youve finished even if he has to pull out and calm himself down when hes too close. as for multiple rounds well that might be reserved for special occasions. or if hes been away and the two of you are reunited after weeks apart. after sex he typically wants to settle down and snuggle and probably sleep. that being said hes also the type to do a lot before actual sex. like dry grinding or manual or oral. there can still be multiple orgasms before any intercourse which is like the grand finale of a long show lol

G = gratification (what really gets him off)

getting exactly what he wants. it sounds selfish but its not. if he got you all worked up and now hes got you right where he wants you and youre moaning his name and its all playing out exactly how he wanted and imagined then hes gonna blow really hard. even when hes subbing and youre doing what you want he still wanted to sub in the first place so it still taps into what gets him off. he can be a greedy little lover boy but its never at your expense. he will never leave you unsatisfied.

H = habitat (preferred place to get busy)

at home usually. or at least somewhere that a couch or bed is nearby. he will want to call it a day afterward. but he also likes quickies so this isn’t a strict rule of his. he definitely down for car sex if the mood is right. in fact it probably happens a lot more than he would care to admit. he also is a big fan of pool sex for obvious reasons. tbh if the two of you are getting it on he really doesnt give a fuck where it is in the heat of the moment.

I = intimacy (how emotional is he when it comes to sex)

it depends on the mood. if its a rough round and hes just chasing your highs then probably not at all. if youre celebrating an anniversary or something then there will be a lot of intimacy and tenderness. also there is a lot of makeup sex in this relationship and he will get very emotional about it. hes not the type to pick a fight just for the sake of makeup sex. the fights will be real and serious and so will be the making up making love afterward.

J = joke (how much does he play around)

during roleplay and foreplay there will be plenty of joking around. also during a quickie yes he can be a little shit and make you giggle. totally the type to get horny and poke you in the back with his dick like hey you asleep? if humor works on you then he will use it. he can be really funny when subbing so be prepared to laugh. he doesnt take the bedroom too seriously unless the mood calls for it. hes a pretty easygoing guy and that carries over to his sexy time too.

K = kink (toys or kinks)

loves toys. will gladly tie you up and slip some vibrating panties on you and then play some video games with you having orgasms over and over behind him. but he also the type to get lots of different toys and then never use them lol he tends to stick with the usual stuff. as far as his kinks he loves when you dom the absolute fuck out of him. pin him down and fuck the soul out of him. he wont readily admit it but he loves when you own him in every way possible. also marking haha no pun intended. he loves to give and receive bruises and hickeys.

L = lust (how often does he want it)

the sex drive is between average and high. sometimes leaning toward the high side when hes in a committed relationship. you turn him on almost constantly hes just so damn into you. yall fuck each other on the regular. he really likes showing how much he needs you through sex. there will be times though when hes exhausted from work and just does not have the energy for a fuck. other times work can stress him tf out so bad that he just needs to take some pleasure out of your body. he will always give you a heads up text on the way home when thats the case though.

M = masturbation (mutual and solo)

its not a big deal to him. he dont care if you get yourself off though he does like hearing all about it. you can call him up for some phone sex and he will do the bare minimum. but that deep voice is enough. he will give you a mmhm and good girl and yep a couple of those do the trick. he gets a little freaky when yall are apart though. he wants you to send him nudes and show him your boobs when you facetime and all that stuff. when hes a horny little fucker and youre not around he really is shameless.

N = never (what he will not do)

share. you are his and every other guy can fuck right off. if you suggest a threesome you can forget it. if one of the members has his phone and accidentally sees one of your nudes he may come out swinging. he loves you way too much and is too emotionally attached to you. he cant ever see another guy give you pleasure or even let them see your beautiful body that belongs to him. he doesnt care if youve been with other guys or been in love before you are his now and he is yours and thats that.

O = oral (giving and receiving)

oh god giving him head is the best because the sounds he makes. he isnt loud but hes not afraid to make noise when he feels good and your hot wet mouth is the good shit. he just loves tangling his hand in your ponytail and thrusting into your throat. you love feeling his legs tremble when you swallow him. and hes not above reciprocating. the kid will suck you dry. you wanna be a little brat alright this will change that attitude real quick. awe youre stressed out lemme make you sing. most of the time he eats you out before sex because he catches a glimpse of how wet you are and he just has to have a taste.

P = position (favorite position)

it may sound boring but missionary. he loves having you beneath him. the view is fantastic. he can watch himself sinking in and out of you. he loves the way your boobs bounce with his thrusts and he has perfect access to grab one or both. he can either drape himself over you chest to chest or he can sit up and roam his hands all over your thighs and hips. either way theres definitely nothing wrong with good ole missionary. he also loves to get ahold of your neck and pin you to the mattress. sometimes he will squeeze and sometimes not. its pretty good either way. he is very possessive of your body in the heat of the moment.

Q = quickie (what is a quickie like with him)

hot and messy and wild and rough and crazy and the best ever. he really gives it to you hard and fast in a quickie. he loves the way your body shudders from enduring his thrusts. the way you cant stop chanting his name. these occur in the car or in the shower most of the time. you need him right this minute and damn it hes gotta have you right now. it still shocks you how merciless he gets and youre suddenly aware just how much he holds back. and hell hath no fury like mark if he is interrupted. be prepared for him to fling something at whoever disturbs you both.

R = roleplay (favorite routines and tropes)

they change on a whim. it depends on what yall are in the mood for. though he does like to get his way more often than not and he knows how to push your buttons to get the desired outcome. a common trope is the playing hard to get. he likes when you make him work for it. he lives to tease and be teased. he really enjoys everything that leads up to the sex. hes actually a pretty good actor when it comes to dom or sub tropes. when hes in dom mode your body obeys his every command without a second thought.

S = seduction (how he gets you in the mood)

he knows how to finesse his way to some sexy time and he’s damn good at what he does. a little bit of that low deep voice does the trick. its unholy. the boy knows exactly how and when to get you worked up. he gets very vocal about what he wants. come on baby lets go play dont you wanna come for me i love watching you come and listening to you scream my name for all the neighbors.

T = teasing (what is the best way to arouse him)

flirt with him. get naughty. touch him lightly but intentionally. keep at it and get him all riled up. the most sure fire way to get him is to put on some lingerie and give him a lapdance or something like that. if hes playing games and pretending to ignore you put on something skimpy or racy and sit right in his lap. also tap into his mark kink. kiss his neck and start sucking. he will melt into a puddle in your hands.

U = underwear (lingerie and costumes)

will buy you lingerie he likes without hesitation. baby please wear this for me. he dies for how good you look in lingerie. and holy crap does he have dozens upon dozens of pictures of you in his phone in these outfits. lingerie is probably one of his biggest weaknesses. meanwhile he always prefers to be naked. if company aint coming around you can guarantee he will walk around the house naked as the day he was born. the kid is hot blooded and hates wearing clothes.

V = verdict (what do you think of your sex life with him)

sometimes you catch yourself blushing as you think about the sex with mark. its good. so so good. the two of you feed off of and into each other. after a while youre in sync with each others desires and needs. you can tell when he needs stress relief. he can tell when you need reassurance. its like he can read your body fluently. he gives you some of the most intense orgasms and holds you afterward like youre all hes ever wanted in his life.

W = words (how vocal is he and dirty talk)

his dirty talk is next level and im not exaggerating. he a whole fuckboy and he knows how lethal his deep voice is. expect him to make it even lower and to say the nastiest things. remember hes shameless and not much is off limits except things he knows you dont like. he keeps it going during sex too. loves whispering in your ear when he takes you. when hes subbing for you he makes sure to be extra vocal and does not hold back. as a dom he goads you and gets even more explicit.

X = x-rated (how does he feel about porn or sextapes)

oh yall have definitely made a few videos. hes gotta have stuff to watch at night when hes on tour and youre on the other side of the globe. he prefers photos of you but he does have a couple vids that are his absolute favorite. he watches porn occasionally and he doesnt care if you do too. yall have watched porn together no big deal. yall pretty much get each other horny enough you dont need any porn for that lol

Y = yawn (what is he like after sex)

sleepy and cuddly. he turns into such a snuggle bug. it taps into that need he has for your skin against his. you become his personal pillow after sex. he smushes his face against your breasts. he wraps his arms around your waist and pulls you flush against him. just cuddle the shit out of him. he needs and wants it so badly. as you both come down he really covers you in kisses. will lick every sweat droplet off of your skin. damn youre so beautiful and feel so amazing he just cant stand it.

Z = zodiac (what his sign says about him in bed)

oh the Virgo. greedy but needy. they want their wishes fulfilled but they also want to be good to you. its a steady balance. sometimes he gets a little too self centered and will pull your strings to get his way but he loves you so much that he will always make it up to you. he wants this relationship to last forever and ever and is therefore willing to bend over backwards to make you happy but he expects the same in return. this boy will never stick around for a one-sided love. match his effort or hes gone.

#mine:imagines #got7 smut #mark smut #mark tuan smut #got7 mark smut #mark tuan imagines #got7 imagines #mark tuan scenarios #got7 scenarios

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satchaccuss · 4 years

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My A.B.O-verse wish.

Not sure if a.b.o-verse is a specific thing or if it is any a.b.o universe containing these roles/classes.

Warning: This might gross some ppl out, it is about a.n.a.l kind of after all.

I want (fan)fiction written where all roles can self lubricate so an*l isn’t such a major hassle when you want a switch-couple. It isn’t that hard to make happen either ffs ppl!

Just write that because how the roles have genetically developed alfas have fewer lubrication glands in their colon and vagina, and that is just how it is, they will need some prep and lube no matter what, but at least it isn’t dry as a desert if they are sufficiently aroused and excited to have a d*ck up their a*s.

Now this idea all started with me saddened that my bias isn’t really an alfa or an omega, they are more of a middle thing, so a beta and in such: I was feeling it is unfair for betas that they can’t self lubricate like omegas can, and the idea and scenario that developed in my head after that was that: it would realistically actually be more probable that betas also would be capable of self lubrication if there is an alfa present and no omegas. Now mpreg makes me uncomfortable because.... just no thank you. But lets say when early man roamed the earth in this universe it was a thing, then it would make sense that if there were no omegas around the betas would have the kids and such be capable of self lubricating. Tho the mpreg stuff disappeared through the ages and the development of medicine and genetic research and or urbanization or something so it isn’t a thing in the universe anymore. Anyway: I say betas should at the best of times with no omega around and an alfa they want be able to produce equally as much lubrication as any omega, maybe even as much (in rare circumstances of extreme arousal) as an omega in the midst of their heat. All in all: despite the lesser amounts of glands a beta has than an omega the difference in lubrication capability should be mostly negligible.

Tho I do understand that just having the cake and eating it too isn’t very fun or dramatic, hence why I added the realistic rule of: no omegas present. If the couple intends to f*ck against the wall in the middle of a dorm full of all kinds of ppl including omegas the lubrication will be lackluster (but maybe true love, mates, or extreme f*cking arousal can be exceptions to the rule, after all who doesn’t love cake? Unless you do of course but you know what I mean lol) and prepping and physical lube might/will be needed.

Please don’t make omegas trash or lower class citizens and please don’t make alfas c*nts.

I see the roles as more of: Alfas either take charge most or all of the time and/or lead and support the pack and the “weak”. OR my favorite honestly: they are just alfas. Strong “underneath” (Idunno, magic hidden superior muscle tissue?) and ferocious when pressed but chill and laid back and nice and calm and easy going. Sure, he’ll/she’ll help you with your heat no problem, but they wont force you into anything or come at you when they have their rut (if that exists in your universe, I think if the betas work as I want them too tho then maybe you can make some hot stuff happen). (yes ok, I like some power play some times: the alfa being so manly and sexy and amazing smelling that the beta’s or omega’s knees go weak and they f*ck against the nearest surface if they are both actually legitimately willing and wanting of course, no r*pe here please or lack of physical consent: if they kiss back and rub and don’t say no, then go for it you know?). Anyway, the alfas are silent powerful guardians that linger in the back of the pack, ready at any moment despite how calm or uninterested they might look, to back up the actual leader should trouble arise or ready to protect the whole pack or any member of it should the leader fail to take charge or not be present at the moment. Maybe they get ruts, maybe they don’t: it is your story!

Betas take the middle ground: They will lead and take charge if no one else will or they will nurture and care for their pack/ppl if no one else will, they will do what needs to be done especially if there is a role that needs to be filled and it doesn't have anyone to fill it.

Omegas take care of the pack, in any way that fits their personality I guess. Like, the class clown: making merry for everyone's amusement or the “mom”: cooking and cleaning maybe. I think that is a good way of putting it, but: the omegas aren’t necessarily that different from betas in my ideal world: they might’ve been in prehistoric times, but modern society has put an end to the need for such diversity between the roles. Maybe make the knotting-thing an non-necessity too and just have the act of climaxing repeatedly be the end all be all over I don’t know how many days a heat go on for but yeah that. Otherwise having a beta top during a heat is pointless so to speak and if your bias is a beta and you’d like em to top an omega during their heat it wouldn’t be very... productive?

The biggest difference in my universe is simply their smells, it seams. lol

So for the heats/ruts. I think you can work with these existing, and have some nice steamy results. But I want more control. No omega just so blindly in need of a knot or climax that they will take any and all, because that isn’t very romantic, not that all stories have to be romantic but I like the idea of mates, predestined or otherwise, so yeah. And no super crazy effect on the surroundings either please, of course they can smell it, but it isn’t a usual occurrence for any old alfa to approach an omega about to enter into or already in heat and proposition them, it might happen if you are conventionally attractive perhaps, but not usually. This is modern society after all, and civility is the norm. Equally I don’t want no alfa so crazy with need they’ll force themselves on someone either. They might insist quite heavily for sure, but no means no! Antagonists in stories are allowed to break that rule to an extent but no one (should) wants to read about r*pe.

Why the heat/ruts if mpreg is out of the question and modern society has put almost an end to the big diversity between the the non-alfa types? Because it enables lustful hot sex with animalistic instincts as semi-drive? All in all tho: because well-written hot sex is the best and if it comes from uncontrollable forces it can add a nice hot spinn on an otherwise dry (eventual) love story.

I think a rare but nice story element I would like to see is the omega feeling the heat and seducing a chill willing alfa. They do both want it of course, but the alfa isn’t going to just take it from you unless you make that exceptionally clear.

...My thought for this was an excited omega Jangjun wanting his hyung (Idunno why, I just ship them, ok) to f*ck him (or maybe a more graceful way of putting it would be he wants him to help him through his heat) by gently but insistingly “coercing” a semi-sleepy Daeyeol to f*ck him by smelling really good, (I mean c’mon, he is an omega in heat and yeol is a single alfa lol) and licking and nipping at erogenous zones to get the other aroused (in more ways than one hah. Now I ain’t saying he is deep asleep of course, he is just resting in bed for a bit or maybe he is about to go to sleep, either way works. Please someone write this!).

I assume a rut would work the same, the alfa will endure until the love interest offers to help or an assertive alfa might make his interest known to the love interest through asking for help or something. Yeah I ran out of steam, Idunno what to say here. Sorry.

Anyway:

Please make the lubrication idea the norm when it comes to the A.B.O-verse. Not everyone is an alfa or even an omega, some ppl are betas and they deserve some hot spontaneous self lubricated sex too.

#a.b.o-verse?#A.B.O sex #alfa beta omega lubrication #alfa beta omega #a.b.o fanfiction #alfa beta omega fanfiction #a.b.o fiction #alfa beta omega fiction

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thehonestmommy · 5 years

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What I wish people told me about postpartum life

There is a TON of advise and guidance on what to expect when you are pregnant. Theres even more about how to handle every little cough, hiccup, and milestone that your baby goes through. But theres something in between thats severly lacking in conversation and warning. Postpartum life. Im not talking about how tired you will be or how your house will turn into a toy store. I mean the little things that will likely take you by surprise unless a well meaning friend shares it with you. Because for some reason, we as a society dont talk about the post partum mom, except for breasfeeding, baby weight, and stretch marks. But let me tell you, there is a whole lot more than that.

Well, as the over-sharer that I am, allow me to prepare you for the things that never get spoken about, and might surprise you about life after pregnancy. Here are some of the things I had to learn on my own, and that I wish someone told me about so I was more prepared.

WARNING: I’m gonna get personal and gross right from the get-go. Buckle up.

You will sweat…profusely

Seriously. My first night after giving birth, I was so sweaty. But I passed it off as just part of recovery. I mean, I did just spend 3 days pushing a human out of my body, I’m understandably sweaty. But then the next night, same thing. And the following night, too. For weeks and weeks it continued. I would wake up at night to feed my baby and be soaked, almost like I had the flu! I felt disgusting, and was constantly changing clothes. But the more I questioned other moms (online and in mom groups) the more I realized we all were experiencing this to some degree….we just wen’t talking about it. I mean, sure. It’s a bit embarrassing, especially if you aren’t a person who sweats very much under normal circumstances. But it woulda saved us all a lot of embarrassment if it was something we were told was par for the course! No need to worry, soggy momma. You are normal.

You will smell

This goes hand in hand with being sweaty. But it’s so much more than that. I was constantly getting whiffs of my own body odour…and boy was it bad. And it wasn’t the typical B.O. smell I’d get if I’d done some cardio and wasn’t able to shower straight away. This was a whole other beast. I kept trying to compensate for smelling horrible by saying it out loud and apologizing. But my mom and my husband kept reassuring me that they couldn’t smell a thing. But how couldn’t they?! I was so rank. Im telling you, it was so bad that I would shower, and sniff my pitts after soaping up while SILL IN THE SHOWER and I could still smell myself. Seriously. No amount of soap or scrubbing was making this go away.

But heres the thing. No one around me could smell it (or at least they wouldn’t tell me so) except my baby. You see, this is a special function of a breastfeeding mom. You take on a unique signature scent that helps your young baby identify you. And as they grow and their senses develop, the stench (or strength of it) fades away.

If i had known this before it happened, maybe I wouldn’t have cried in the shower after scrubbing my armpits raw.

Postpartum insomnia is a thing

We all know that new parents have a hard time sleeping. But I always thought it was because

A) The baby keeps you awake with its very loud singing, practicing for auditions on The Voice, B) The baby being asleep makes you freak out that its too still to be breathing , or C) You cant stop watching this adorable little chubby mini-me peacefully sleeping

So, it really surprised me when my baby started sleeping through the night, but I did not. I didn’t feel anxious. I wasn’t plagued of thoughts about my baby’s safety. And even though I loved watching him sleep, I was cool with rolling over and enjoying my much needed rest. But, no matter how tired I was, the sleep wouldn’t come. I would lay awake, utterly exhausted. I would just nodd off and the baby would wake. Every 5 nights or so, I would sleep. Yes, you read that right. I would only sleep after about 4 full sleepless nights. Those 4 to 5 days were torturous cat naps only. After about a month of this, I went to my Dr because I thought something was seriously wrong. She knowingly chuckled when I explained what was going on. “Postpartum insomnia” she said. Apparently, it’s a hormone thing. Not every woman experiences it, but it’s not uncommon. “it will go away when you are done breastfeeding, most likely.” Oh. My. God. Are you kidding me? My kid is finally sleeping for more than 30 minutes at a time, and now I cant, and wont, until i’m done breastfeeding? (I plan to breastfeed for at least a year) Mother nature, your jokes aren’t that funny.

Carpal tunnel syndrome

Exactly the same as postpartum insomnia, some women get carpal tunnel that wont go away till breastfeeding is over. Its not unusual for women to get it while they are pregnant, but even if you didn’t have it then, you could still get it once your baby has left the flesh-building. According to my doc, hormones mixed with weight-bearing hand positions (breastfeeding again, yay!) is the perfect recipe for some inflammation of the nerves in your forearms and hands. My hands didn’t hurt much during the day but at night they would drive me crazy. Think pins and needles to the nth degree. That shit is going to keep you awake #postpartuminsomnia

Breastfeeding + binge eating

breastfeeding burns a LOT of calories. You think you were eating for two while you were pregnant? Thats not nothing on breastfeeding. That baby keps getting bigger and hungrier. Get ready to smash some food.

Breastfeeding + thirst

Breastmilk is surprisingly watery. Baby drinks breast milk, your fluids deplete, the body needs more to make more milk. The process is not surprising. What might surprise you is that you get thirsty IMMEDIATELY after your baby has triggered the let-down (aka within minutes of him/her latching on) Keep a bottle of water handy for every nursing session. You are gonna need it.

Period pains

I think its fairly well established in the way we discuss postpartum that your period may not come back for a while. But what they DON’T tell you, is that you will still get similar pains fairly often. In the beginning, your uterus needs to go back to its regular size, so cramping/contractions will take place for a few weeks after giving birth to contract that uterus back to its old self. Thats right. You will still have contractions for WEEKS. Yay!

If you are breastfeeding, the cramping will happen DURING nursing. Its kinda cool, although pretty uncomfortable. You might notice the postpartum bloat go down in unison with those sessions of cramping. its different for all women, but for me, that intense cramping only lasted about 3-4 weeks. But here’s where people stop talking about it. But guess what? you will still get cramps! Pretty much once a month, I get a day of mild cramping. Its nothing like what it used to be (although my experience may be biased since I’m an endometriosis gal) but it’s still noticeable, and identifiable.

You are still ovulating

Carrying right on from getting those period cramps comes the obvious but often misunderstood fact that you are still ovulating. Many people are lead to believe that if they are breastfeeding and did not get their periods back yet, that they can not get pregnant. This is FALSE INFORMATION #fakenews So many woman end up pregnant again because they are not practicing safe sex under the assumption that no period means no ovulation. Sorry to say, your body goes right back on makin’ them eggs. Life, uh…finds a way #jurassicpark

Hormone imbalances continue (acne, sweats, cravings, mood swings)

Again, no secret to anyone that pregnant women are on a rollercoaster ride of hormones that are challenging at best, and downright unfair at worst. But whats most unfair is that you dont get to just be done with all that after your sweet little bundle arrives. Oh no. no no no. The rollercoaster gets more intense, if you can believe it.

Many people will be familiar with the term Post Partum Depression, which is common and no joke. If you suspect that you or someone you care about might be suffering from PPD, please access help. Start by talking to a doctor. There is LOTS of help available.

But, outside of PPD, it seems a disservice to me that no one explains that mood swings, food cravings, exhaustion, acne, hair loss/hair gain, sweating and the like are almost guaranteed to happen. I don’t mind speaking out about PPD and saying that I suffered, and I still do suffer from regressive episodes from time to time. But for a while, I wondered if all my other symptoms were PPD. My amazing midwife explained that those things are not indicative of PPD but a normal part of your body settling into its new role as a food truck (breastfeeding, again! argh!)

So if you are experiencing things that make you feel like a teenager again, you are not alone. It’s par for the course. But please talk to a Dr to get screened for post partum depression just to be sure.

leaking breasts

So I heard of this before. But I seriously was not prepared. I thought it was a unicorn thing that only happened to the rare woman who’s a breastmilk goddess with an oversupply. So i’m going to do you ladies a service and let you know the real deal here. Even if you think this wont happen to you, it probably might.

You don’t need to have an oversupply, your baby doesn’t need to suddenly sleep through the night. (although both of those things make it even more likely) Your breasts will spontaneously leak; maybe when your baby sleeps through the night the first time and your supply was hoping for a night feed. Maybe when your baby cries because it’s hungry and you don’t immediately get to them. Maybe when a srangers’ baby cries because it’s hungry. Maybe when you are looking at them on the baby monitor or watching them do something especially cute. Or maybe when you are having an intimate moment with your partner (YUP). MAKE PEACE WITH THIS. It will happen, and continue to happen, when you least expect it. You’r boobs now have a mind of their own.

Oh and just when you think that phase is over, it will happen again. #oops

Speedy hair and nail growth

This may be a pleasant surpriuse to some (or a major inconvenience depending on your maintenance level). Your hair and nail growth might speed up. Not sure why that one happens, but wow I feel like i cut my nails every week now. And I am getting 2x more haircuts, too.

Another common thing that happens is the texture of your hair changing. Many women go from luscious curls to straight locks or vice versa after pregnancy. Your body grew, sustained, and continues to sustain life. Those are MAJOR changes, so… Anything is possible!

Dry vaj (masquerading as injuries)

Oh yes. Im going there. If you made it this far, lets just assume you’re cool with how gross I can be at times. okay? Great. :) OKay, You are a mom. You might have pushed at baby out of your body. Or maybe you had someone surgically remove it. In both cases, your muscle structure gets significantly compromised. Under good health care, we are told to limit our activity for 6 weeks while the body heals. I dont know a single mom, c-section or vaginal delivery, who felt like their body was actually ready to get back in the game. It takes MONTHS to heal, and my midwife (did I mention shes awesome?) laid it out for me honestly. She said things are not gonna feel anywhere near normal for the better part of a year. I’m currently 8.5 months postpartum, and yo she was right. My core is weak, my diastases is still present, and I was in some serious pelvic pain for a long while.

So, on the advise of many a Dr and friend, I decided to see a pelvic floor physiotherapist in hopes that she can help guide me into a life where it doesn’t feel like I’m going to lose my uterus every time i squat down.

It was an embarassing and humbling experience. This Dr literally tests out your muscle control from within. Its like the most revealing pap you’ve ever had. But seriously, it was worth it. What i learned was even though i was expierencing pain, my muscle structure was NOT compromised. Where did the pain com from you might ask? Dryness.

Yeah I know. It’s not ladylike to talk about that. No one wants to admit its an issue either. But remember how breastfeeding affects almost every topic covered above? Well this one too. Surprise! Your body’s natural fluids are depleted in a big way when your kid drinks sometimes 200ml 6-10 times a day. (Go measure that our if you’r not familiar with it. Its a lot.) If you are not super hydrated, and extremely well nourished, your body will totally ditch its other systems to provide for your child instead. Its admirable, but dang if your not careful it really translates in so some serious discomfort.

Turns out that some topical moisturizers (coconut oil did it for me, but some people need something more substantial with estrogen in it) and maintaining my body’s hydration brought me back to 80%. Couple that with learning how to do diaphragmatic breathing and activating your transverse abdominus during kegel exercises (okay can we just not cover that? I’ve said enough gross stuff) and you’re well on your way to recovery.

The takeaway

Growing and serving up a baby does a number on your body, but it continues after the birth. It takes work, healthy choices and a lot of knowledge to stay on top of whats happening to your body once your baby is here. Breastfeeding, no matter how long you decide to do it, is a lot harder than people give credit for. It goes far beyond latch and weight peoblems, and not enough people talk about that. Be prepared for your body to continue to go through changes as your baby changes with you. Be kind to yourself, eat well, drink as much water as you can every day, and TALK TO OTHER MOMS about what the heck is going on. You’ll be surprised to know you are not alone. <3

#postpartum #ppd #baby #body #womens health #post partum #postpartum depression

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legolasgoldy · 6 years

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🤗 || 🎶 || 😡 || 🏷️ || 📖 || 🛏 || 💚 || 👫 || 💔 || 💝 || 🚀

My muse in a relationship ?s

🤗Are they physically affectionate?

Yes! Very much. He’ll hold hands a lot, give hand kisses, cheek kisses, play footsie, nuzzle, put his arms around him, rest their foreheads together. etc. Hes likes being physically affectionate

This could also work for the affectionate in public question but he’ll do it any of what i said above at home or in public. The only difference is, he’ll only give one or two kisses in public at a time, and at home they can make out.

🎶 Do they have a type?

Yes! He tends to fall for interesting unique people. Whether its a boy or girl, if they interest him and are unique with a personality that appeals to him, he’s at risk of falling for them.

Looks wise, he does gravitate towards interesting looking people as well. Hes demi so hes not sexually attracted at first, but he will find them very very good looking and will get heart eyes. They tend to be uniquely pretty, and very naturally pretty. They wont need to try at all for Finrod to find them gorgeous. Also, they always have a gorgeous smile.

To better elaborate, some examples would be. Finrod’s Maglor is very quirky, even if hes a prince he doesnt particularly look it. He’ll have very unruly frizzy hairs at the sides of his face when its humid, and cow licks on top of his head. but very very soft emotional grey eyes, dresses a bit plain and disheveled at times, most times has muddy boots. Pays more attention to music than looking princely. Smells like harp strings and soaps he uses. Very introverted but wonderful at performing music, and has a secret genuine smile he only does around Finrod that he just goes crazy over. Secretly loves dancing, hips wiggle when excited, has the cutest giggle.

Finrod’s wife in some aus is Italian ( middle earth version of Italian). She has a pretty accent that gets deeper when upset or sassy. Has a very specific clothing style according to her culture. Has a completely different culture than Finrod does and he loves learning about it and participating. Loves sparring and will throw Finrod down on his butt every time. Shes very “i’ll kick anyone’s ass. i’ll kick your ass. i’ll kick maglor’s ass. i’ll kick my own ass” XD Again has a pretty smile too.

Rhys is extremely unique and why Finrod fell so hard. Pale with long fluffy white hair, white eyebrows and eyelashes. Cloudy eyes because hes blind, full pale lips with pink tint. Makes a lot of facial expressions that give away how hes feeling, eye contact is never ever needed, hes got a unique way of expressing himself with other types of body language, and of course with words. Theres just something about all those expressions, the way he smiles, and how his eyelashes flutter when his eyes are part of the way open showing his cloudy eyes that just.. drew Finrod in. Everything he does is so intriguing and has a way of making Finrod smile, even when Rhys is a bit sarcastic. Theres a gentleness, love and loyalty to him along with layers upon layers of other things like shyness, bitterness, frustration, a little afraid, stubbornness. And of course everyone has so many layers to their personality, but his in particular Finrod fell in love with. Obviously there are even more unique things like his mutation, but even without it Finrod would have still been just as intrigued. The way he sits at windows for warmth, the look on his face when he eats sweets, his smile, his laugh, the way he says certain words in his accent, how he can melt with just a small physical gesture or when holding a soft bunny. Despite everything hes been through, hes still soft and sweet and beautiful, any roughness around the edges Finrod loves just as much. He embraces the uniqueness in its entirety, whether Rhys may consider some aspects of himself flawed or less than perfect, Finrod just sees his unique Rhys, perfect just the way he is in every way.

😡What are their deal breakers?

Nothing turns him off from a person faster than seeing them being hateful to someone. Just needlessly underhanded and hateful to someone who did nothing wrong. Like bullying, tripping someone just to be mean or throwing stuff at someone for no reason. In general, if they pick on people and bully them. But chances are Finrod wouldnt have been too interested in them if he didnt know them well enough yet to know their true nature.

Cheating. Or even just implying they would cheat turns him off so fasttt. A random example would be If Finrod had a crush on someone who happened to be dating someone. He wouldnt ever bring it up or imply that he was crushing, its rude and he would respect they were in a relationship. But if they started talking to him about how they would cheat with someone or even him, or even try to kiss him. Nope, turned off, right then. He could understand if they werent happy in their relationship and wanted to end it and find someone else, thats perfectly normal and fine, but not cheating and wanting both people ( or more than both).

Insulting him or his friends/family. Theres a difference between playful banter/playful insults and flat out true insults. This may or may not be something that builds up to it being a deal breaker. If someone happens to tell him his hair looks awful one day hes gonna take it as them letting him know as a favor so he wouldnt have walked around like that too long or something so he could fix it. Thats totally fine and normal, but if someone makes that an every day thing where they constantly are insulting his hair, his clothes, his work, his food, etc. If they insult everything about him constantly hes gonna be turned off from them. However, before he does anything hes gonna talk to them about it first and let them know how theyre making him feel. Then their reaction will determine whether or not its a deal breaker. They would probably remain only friends though.

Similarly, if he hears someone outright insult a friend of his or family member hes gonna be turned off right then. A little communication will be applied again but still, only remain friends most likely. It depends on the situation.

🏷️ Do they give their partners cute nicknames?

He does! If his partners name is long he’ll shorten it to a nickname. Rhys’ name is short already so he wont do that, but he’ll use things like “ Love” or very possibly a term of endearment in Gaelic that Rhys likes. Or maybe darling. Things like that. But I doubt he would ever say “Babe” or “Sweetheart”. He uses sweetheart for little kids, and babe just sounds funny to him. He would never say Baby for sure.

📖 What is their favorite outside of the bedroom activity to do with their partner?

I dont know that he has a favorite. He likes cooking together, going for walks, going to the park… So many things… if he had to pick a favorite its a tie between Cuddling on the couch with Rhys explaining tv shows, movies, and books while having a snack; and cooking together.

🛏What is their favorite bedroom activity to do with their partner?

Well..Reading for one thing. They do most of their reading before bed all cuddled up and that technically counts for this question because its in the bedroom.

In terms of physical bedroom activities, he just likes kissing and making love in general with Rhys in any way they feel like. He could never choose a favorite if he tried, its all heavenly to him.

💚Are they prone to jealousy?

Not really. Finrod gets more sad and envious rather than jealous. For example, if before they became a couple, someone flirted with Rhys or Rhys flirted with someone, he would get a bit sad and envy them. He would never say anything though, hes too polite so there would never be any resentful feelings of jealousy or anything. Just a bit pouty. Unless the person flirting with Rhys, or who Rhys was flirting with, was a jerk then he would be resentful toward that person and very protective. Most likely he would just talk to Rhys about it, communication is the best thing for it.

Although, if he and Rhys ( or just in general he and a partner, this applies always) were dating, he would never ever get jealous, sad or, envious because there would be no reason to. He trusts Rhys completely and knows he would never cheat on him, so if anyone ever flirted with Rhys, his response wouldnt be jealousy, it would be to politely let the person know Rhys was his boyfriend. If that didnt work and they still were bothering Rhys, then he’d tell them to get lost. Probably growl if the person is stubborn and takes it to far.

👫Do they display affection in public? What about in private?

This ties in with the first question. He’ll hold hands, give hand kisses, cheek kisses, play footsie, nuzzle, put his arms around him, rest their foreheads together, and one or two kisses at a time maybe three. He wont make out in public ( unless theyre somehow hidden they might have a mini make out, like ex: making out under their umbrella at the beach) but is very affectionate in a tasteful way. Granted terribly sappy, but tasteful.

The only difference between public and private is that they kiss a lot in private, will definitely make out for as long as their hearts desire. They also have a lot of sex.

💔Do they have a certain type of person they will not enter into a relationship with?

Going back into the deal breaker question, he will never enter a relationship with someone whos a bully to anyone or him. Its just not going to happen, ever. If someone doesnt treat people right or him right, he doesnt want any sort of relationship with them at all.

💝How long until they feel secure and comfortable in a relationship?

It depends on the relationship. With Rhys he was always comfortable because they had been friends for years prior. Sure a little awkward, but also comfortable. Since they had been best friends i think it was a little scary. Finrod didnt want to ruin their friendship but they both knew things would get better rather than anything getting ruined. They fully trusted each other so they knew they would always be together regardless and let themselves follow where ever their feelings led. I would say after a few months of dating they were pretty secure, a little awkward and it felt like a dream, but secure and comfortable. In terms of being comfortable with new stages in the relationship thats something different, they took each step slowly at a comfortable pace.

In a different situation, in general it would take him several months to feel secure and comfortable, possibly almost a year if he and the person hadnt known each other that well before they started dating. That would mean they dated in order to get to know each other and it takes a long time to fully get to know someone that well.

🚀 How far are they willing to go for the person they love?

Finrod would do anything his love needed. Anything. Finrod would kill for Rhys if he had too.

That being said, Rhys is someone he trusts completely and he wouldnt ever be in a relationship if he didnt trust his partner like that wholly. Rhys would never ask him to do anything unless there was a solid good reason. Finrod knows that. So if a reason ever presented itself he would do what ever Rhys needed in a heartbeat.

Doing anything to protect Rhys isnt even debatable, he would protect Rhys with his last dying breath if he had to.

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lunarmoonacnh · 7 years

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i was tagged by the amazing @unhugme

Rules: Once you have been tagged you are supposed to write 92 truths about yourself. At the end, choose 25 people to tag!

THE LAST… 1. Drink: diet coke

2. Phone call: my mum

3. Text message: my best friend telling him goodnight

4. Song you listened to: Michael Jackson - Pretty Young Thing bc it was on the radio

5. Time you cried: like last night or the night before coz it was 2am and life

HAVE YOU EVER… 6. Dated someone twice: ive barely even dated someone once lmao

7. Been cheated on: yup...

8. Kissed someone and regretted it: no i dont think so

9. Lost someone special: yes, my great grandpa

10. Been depressed: yes, im currently seeing a therapist

11. Gotten drunk and thrown up: yes! every time i drink unless its wine, for some reason wine doesnt make me sick. i think its because i once totally over did it on spirits and cider so not they just taste like the time i almost died and my body cant take it

LIST 3 FAVOURITE COLORS:

12. grey

13. mint green

14. blush pink

IN THE LAST YEAR HAVE YOU… 15. Made new friends: yes, i started college so i made new irl friends because of that and i have also mad new internet friends through this blog

16. Fallen out of love: kinda, depends how you look at it. i didnt know i had fallen out of love until the relationship had ended and i didnt feel as sad as i thought i would

17. Laughed until you cried: always, when i’m with my friends all i do is cry laugh

18. Found out someone was talking about you: yes, it happens a lot, sometimes negative and sometimes positive

19. Met someone who changed you: yes, for good and bad.

20. Found out who your true friends are: yes, once i left school i knew who my real friends are because they are the ones who kept in touch and the ones who didnt do other things that they knew would hurt me

21. Kissed someone on your Facebook list: yess

22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know in real life: most, i dont know them all personally but i know of them all, no strangers for me

23. Do you have any pets: not at my house but we are getting our little puppy Sully in 14 days. i do have a cat and a dog at my dads house but i very rarely go visit

24. Do you want to change your name: no, i used to want to when i was a kid because i used to get bullied because i had a ‘boys’ name (Billie) but now i like it because its unique

25. What did you do for your last birthday: met my friends that i met on the internet that are now irl friends for a meal and to go shopping. we went for pizza and bowling and then shopping before they had to leave again:(

26. What time did you wake up: usually between 8am and 9am without an alarm

27. What were you doing at midnight last night: i think i was actually sleeping for once if not i was watching youtube videos

28. Name something you cannot wait for: to get my puppy and to meet up with and have a party with my internet/irl friends again in summer

29. When was the last time you saw your mother: like 15 minuets ago befroe i came upstairs to do this

30. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: i wish i could control my anxiety and depression or even not have it at all. i also wish my dad would pay me more attention and want to see me more because i miss him and its almost like he forgets i was his first kind before he mt his new wife

31. What are you listening to right now: the 1975

32. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom: i mean i have a cousin name Thomas? but never someone just called Tom without it being shortened

33. Something that is getting on your nerves: life? no but like the fact that im not allowing myself to do the things i want to do out of pure fear

34. Most visited website: Tumblr of course... it is never off my browser

35. Elementary: ive honestly never wanted to go back to a time in my life more than i want to go back to elementary/primary school

36. High School: no thanks to that. i wish i could have been one of the people that called it the best years of their lives not 5 years of asshole bullying me

37. College/university: im commenting on this as England college (16-18 year olds) and ive just dropped out of one part (sixth from) where i was taking 3 subjects Media studies and Film studies which i loved and will miss and Psychology wich i did love but wont miss because i couldnt do it and it made my anxiety sky rocket. in september i start a makeup course and i am so excieted to be a qualified makeup artist this time next year

38. Hair colour: mousy brown

39. Long or short hair: long, like almost to my butt long (yes its natural)

40. Do you have a crush on someone: yes, but i could never pursue it bc he is my friend and i wouldnt want to ruin that. ive made that mistake with my ex.

41. What do you like about yourself: my eyes. they are grey and kinda ombre like they hae a really dark ring on the outside and they get lighter closer to my pupil

42. Piercings: yes, my first and second lobes on both ears, my helix and forward helix on my left ear. half way up my ear and my rook on my right ear and then my nose

43. Blood type: i have no idea, do people actually know this?

44. Nickname: Bil and B although i dont like B (pronounced like Bee) but its what my cousins have called my since i was really small so it doesnt bother me that much with them

45. Relationship status: extremely single

46. Zodiac sign: Aquarius

47. Pronouns: she/her

48. Favourite TV show: pretty little liars, it has just finished and now i am re watching it to find clues about A that i missed

49. Tattoos: no, but i have a couple planned

50. Right or left hand: right

FIRST… 51. Surgery: teeth removed they are the only ops ive ever had and will ever have to have touch wood

52. Piercing: ears

54. Sport: i danced as a majorette does that count?

55. Vacation: i honestly have no idea, i think i went to Devon though (its a place in the UK) all i know is my first holiday was during 9/11

56. Pair of trainers: probably like Nike Airs or something Adidas i have no idea

57. Eating: i actually know this bc my older cousin fed me a wham bar (a british, i think, chewy candy thing) when i was 3 week old, so i could have died the ifrst time i hate lmao

58. Drinking: i was 14, i know i shouldnt have been drinking because my mum made me promise her i wouldnt, but i remember being so drunk (idk if it was real or faked tbh) on alcopop thats right 4% alcohol and i probs had like 3

59. I’m about to: go get my cousins baby off his Nan so she can get his older brother from nursery

60. Listening to: idk if this is like asking the same as earlier? coz if so t]still the 1975

61. Waiting for: my friend to reply to me an tell me when he is taking me for coffee

62. Want: my dog

63. Get married: probs idk

64. Career: i dont have one rn but hopefully a makeup artist

YOUR TYPE… 65. Hugs or kisses: rn hugs i need to hug someone while i fall to sleep so bad its been so long

66. Lips or eyes: eyes

67. Shorter or taller: taller bc im also tall so i need someone taller than me (i dont need but i like a partner to be tall)

68. Older or younger: older, people y age are immature so any younger and i may as well spend my time with a 10 year old

70. Nice arms or nice stomach: i dont mind tbh

71. Sensitive or loud: both? not too loud though ya girl has sensitive ears

72. Hook up or relationship: relationship, im demisexual (it took me 17 years to figure that out) so hook ups aren’t my thing

73. Troublemaker or hesitant: it depends because i tend to be the cause of arguments and things because im honest but im not out there to cause trouble i just dont like to lie

HAVE YOU EVER… 74. Kissed a stranger?: no

75. Drank hard liquor?: yes, dont do it, its bad kids

76. Lost glasses contact/lenses: yes, i lose my glasses all the goddamn time

77. Turned someone down: yes, i always feel bad but you cant force feelings

78. Sex on first date: nope

79. Broken someone’s heart: not that i know of, i doubt it though

80. Had your heart broken: yes, again not fun

81. Been arrested: nooo

82. Cried when someone died: yes

83. Fallen for a friend: yes

DO YOU BELIEVE IN… 84. Yourself: not always

85. Miracles: yes, the baby i spoke about earlier? yeah hes my miracle, he was born with a new strain of meningitis, he has had 3 lots of brain surgery (at a week old) and the doctors said it was a very low chance he would survive. he did 3 times. his heart also stopped 3 times, again he is here. he also had multiple surgeries on his joints, we got told he wouldnt walk but here he is at 16 months running around like a crazy person and loving life with his older brother

86. Love at first sight: i mean no, how can you fall in love with someone based off their face (no matter how many cute people you see on the street that you think you love, you probably dont)

87. Santa Claus: hes real in my house

88. Kiss on the first date: ive never been on a proper date so

89. Angels: yeah, i really love t believe in thse things because its cute

OTHER… 90. Current best friend’s name: im not saying their name coz idk if thats a good idea tbh

91. Eye colour: greyyy

92. Favourite movie: Tim Burtons Alice in Wonderland i just love his aesthetic and the story of Alice so put them together and you have a winner

ok i dont have 25 people to tag but i do tag @theflowerkingdom @kinkylildanny @creepyphantasia @imjustacanforallthephantrash and @dead-nightingale

if you are reading this and you want to do it, go for it and just say i tagged you!

#danielhowellsbooty

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dekumidoriyall · 5 years

Text

I am a wreck man. I liked it better when I could go home and cry alone. But now "home" is ykws place and he sees me cry and I'm over it.

And if I just leave the place to cry he will also notice bc he pays too much attention which I'm not mad at I guess it's better than him not noticing anything at all which would probably make it worse. Like I know my brain would turn that into "wow he doesn't even notice when you're upset he doesn't care at all" which my ex never noticed and that was exactly the case sometimes. But then again if I actually wanted to fake it I could, but I try not to as much bc that only makes me feel worse. I'd rather not fake it, bc one that's more exhausting, and two, my brain would again try to convince me no one notices bc they don't care. And then I have to tell myself , like yeah no shit jazz you're great at faking it. So I try not to fake it with ykw, I just tone it down a bit and then will lie about it. Which is dumb and I'm glad he called me out on it. And I get he shouldn't have to drag it out of me but also I really do feel my own thoughts are sometimes irrational which is why I double layer my thoughts and have to think about them. And then it sucks when I know I'm being sad or upset for a dumb reason and then he wants to ask me about it and it's like I already know I'm dumb for even thinking this but I don't want him to know how dumb I think i am sometimes. At least how dumb my first thoughts can be sometimes. Bc like I said, I'll tell myself hey that's nonsensical. I am rational believe it or not, it's just the second layer which I thank God I'm self aware enough to at least acknowledge when my own thoughts or feelings are being dumb.

But I have been feeling distant lately and I'm sad about that at a surface level, bc I know my language is quality time and v close after that is physical touch. Like I think QT is 11 and PT is 8, and then it goes words of affirmation at 7 and then acts of service at 4 (which is weird bc I actually think this is how I show it most but I don't receive it the same) and then of course receiving gifts at 0 bc y'all know I don't care jack shit at all for things or gifts or stuff.

And it sucks bc I just live there. It's like we've said. We're just friends. So at not just the surface level but at the second level, I get even more upset with myself for being upset in the first place bc it's like c'mon jazz it doesn't matter, y'all don't owe each other anything. Y'all can talk to whomever. Y'all can do whatever tf y'all want. Y'all aren't together. It doesn't really matter. You know me, I'm no good in the middle or with uncertainty. Uncertainty is my Achilles heel.

But idk he hasn't been as cuddly lately, doesn't do the hand to waist thing almost at all anymore. We had sex (which I know is opposite of physically distant) but I dont even know where that came from but I craved the small stuff so much that I was like I'll take this if this is all I can get. I mean don't get me wrong I thoroughly enjoyed it (although some foreplay would've been extra nice) and would ten ten do again but Physical touch isn't necessarily sex. For me it's the cuddling and the hugs and the orbiting and the almost hand holding and when the hand holding does happen it's nice. So it's not necessarily I'll take what I can get more so that I've been feeling a detachment and it was nice to feel wanted I guess. And i think this is what I like to use the most which is why I'm always like running my hands in his hair and beard and probably annoy him with the lack of physical space. But lately I feel I have to initiate all that or have to refrain completely bc I don't want to annoy him or suffocate him and again we aren't together so I shouldn't even be concerned with any of that. But I actually drafted a post about the sex thing but I couldn't even finish it bc I still am actually surprised by it. Like I honestly would've thought it was a dream if it weren't for me being sore. Like it had been months and wow it felt so great. But I literally have no idea where it came from. Literally a day before the boy and I were talking about a sermon about that. And don't get me wrong, I'd probably do it again, but there isn't a container at all right now. We aren't even dating and I can't justify it. Like of course I care about him and I have, ya know, those extra feelings, but as far as I know with him, I'm just a candidate. The "only candidate" as he put it a week or so ago, but who knows.

Again it comes back down to insecurity and uncertainty. But I put myself in this position. I started thinking about maybe I shouldve moved in with Momo but tbh I'd feel even more isolated and uncertain there so I cut that out thank God bc the enemy was really trying hard with that one.

Idk I guess nothing is really wrong it's just me I guess questioning my role in other people's lives. And I pray that I stop, bc at the end of the day it's just me and god and that relationship that matters.

Yeah I think my alignment is off, like pastor Steven furtick said in his contentment commandments sermon, if you feel like you're in a hurry, you're alignment is off. So I just need to refocus on God. Nothing else matters and I know it's easier said than done or even trying to convince me, but it won't stop me from trying.

Idk, I wish I cared less. About everything and everyone. All caring has ever gotten me is getting hurt.

And I don't want to talk about this which is why I'm writing it out. And if he needs to then I will try my best to talk it out and I don't want to not write on here bc I know he reads it, and I also don't want to refrain any of my feelings either bc this is the only way I can get them out. And sometimes I can't talk and be open about them and this is the next best thing. But I do promise to try. I am trying to be more open with him. And I wrote that thing about not being vulnerable with him and i don't want to go backwards. It was one of my intentions going into this year and I'm not gonna let one night that was bad timing ruin that. And honestly being vulnerable and open and honest with someone is very unlike me bc I am always on guard with people even though it doesn't seem it if you actually know me unless you're AJ or Kel who have gotten to know me under the surface bc even my daddy issues™ are open forum and I don't mind talking about that. But there are under the surface vulnerable feelings I've had on that that only few people know. So while it seems that I am open, I actually am always playing defense. Observing people and knowing more than I let on and feeling more than I let on. Idk I don't know if AJ gets the fact that I keep stuff to myself not bc I necessarily don't trust him, but bc the more people know about you the more they can hurt you. And idk aj knows more than Kel at this point when it comes to things that could potentially be used against me. And that's fucking terrifying.

And then always at the back of my head is this is all temporary. At any point he could get tired of me and I'd have to uproot and move again.

And you know what I have been giving him a lot of backstory lately. In the last month or so, since we had that talk about me being open, and since the first open up during Xmas and even before then when we kinda talked when we hot boxed the closet, I've been more open these past few weeks than I have the entirely of our friendship. And I don't get much back. I don't pry ever. It's not like I don't notice things. I just let him be and if he wants to tell me things then he can. Idk maybe he shows he cares by doing the prying and getting me to talk to him and tbh that's a good call bc if he didn't then I probs would spiral into a whole he doesn't care headspace. So I'm not gonna complain. And I hope he doesn't think that I don't care or notice, I just don't mind that he plays defense. Bc I do that with everyone. Well it's not that I don't mind, it's just i understand. But I notice when he gets heavy, and he won't talk to me about it or open up to me until after and even then he just brushes over it.

I don't know I feel like this post is going in circles but the more I write the more stuff is just coming to the forefront and i actually feel better but im not entirely sure any of this is coherent and also i probably misspoke on some things. But I feel better.

Long story short, I'll keep opening up bc it's something I haven't done so maybe it will be the thing that will help. And it's scary and I can't promise him 100 percent but I can promise to try and give more. I just need him to understand that I keep stuff to myself out of defense.

I'm not upset at him for anything even all the distance I've been feeling, it's just I'm sensitive to any slight change in behaviour, just like he is. He thinks he's the only keen one, and I'll give him props he's good, slightly better than me, I just don't speak on it. It doesn't bother me that he doesnt tell me everything. But my mind does go crazy with assumptions when I do notice any changes.

I just want us both to be light again. I think we've both been a bit heavy. I think we're both stressed about things that have nothing to do with each other but does affect our friendship.

We just both are people who get in our own heads. But we deal with it differently, which is okay. This is all a journey, a learning curve. And honestly it wont get better unless we both communicate better. But when neither of us likes to feel vulnerable or show weakness, it's kinda difficult. Especially me. I'm not gonna speak for him. I have to actively be aware of it. Its only 8 days into the yesr so I don't think I'm necessarily failing at choosing joy or opening up, I think it's the fact that I'm doing that is such a radical shift that I'm kinda grinding the gears within myself. So it's just growing pains.

Sorry for the long ass post I just needed a big mind dump and to turn my thoughts around from where they were bc I actually feel like I kinda made some progress within myself.

Anyway the other night was great, both AJ meeting my family and ya know coming back home. So I fully intend to still post that draft I was writing (I really still am in disbelief) bc it was about both those things. Just maybe when I let it sit for a bit longer. Also I kinda still wanna keep it for myself for a bit. I have a lot of thoughts about it. Good and maybe some, not bad, but just tangents I guess. So soon.

#personal

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miraculously-cluless · 7 years

Text

Drarry

This is a conversation between Draco Malfoy and yourself, Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected).

Draco Malfoy : Draco looks around making sure they are alone "hey love" he smiles

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry smiles. "Hey, Dray. What's up?"

Draco Malfoy : "Nothing really" he wraps his hands around Harry's waist and pulls him close "just missed you that's all" he kisses his cheek.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): He smiled and wrapped his arms around Draco's neck. "Aww... What would people say if they knew Draco Malfoy was going soft"

Draco Malfoy : "I'm only soft for you...unless you make me hard" he laughs at his own dirty joke.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry rolls his eyes and slaps his arm. "You're terrible..."

Draco Malfoy : He grins "you love me for it"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Eh, I'm just in it for the sex" He chuckled and Pressed his lips to Draco's

Draco Malfoy : He rolls his eyes "i can't blame you, I'm a sex god" he smirks

Draco Malfoy : He returns the kiss

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "You're lucky you're good in bed. Or else I'd have to hex you."

Draco Malfoy : He grins "you'd never hurt me" he says softly.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "never in a million years"

Draco Malfoy : "And i'd never hurt you either. Never again" he says as he reflects on the pasts times he has hurt Harry.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry cups his cheek. "Don't you dare even start thinking about that stuff, Malfoy..."

Draco Malfoy : He looks into Harry's eyes "sorry, I still feel guilty for everything." He frowns slightly

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I know you do, Love... but there's no use in thinking about it and getting upset..."

Draco Malfoy : He nods and kisses Harry's cheek "I know, how's your day been?" He asks changing the subject.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry sighed. "I think Ron is planning on killing me... He finally convinced Ginny to tell him why we broke up..."

Draco Malfoy : Draco frowns and looks angry "if he touches a hair on your beautiful head he will be gone, he won't hurt you baby" he says feeling very protective over his boyfriend.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I'll be fine, Draco. Anyway, it wont be anything close to what happens when people find out we're dating"

Draco Malfoy : He nods "yeah, that's going to be a fun day"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry kisses him softly. "It'll be great"

Draco Malfoy : He returns the kiss "I can imagine the headline on the paper, The Boy Who Lived is dating a Deatheater!'"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I can't wait till people try interviewing you..." He starts laughing

Draco Malfoy : He scoffs "I am not getting interviewed about my relationship, they don't understand that relationships are a personal thing." He mumbles thinking.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry pulls him in for a kiss. "Oh be quiet. It will give you a chance to boast about how amazing you are"

Draco Malfoy : He grins "I might do an interview then"

Draco Malfoy : He pecks Harry's lips

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "So Mr. Malfoy, what's it like dating the boy who lived?" Harry smirks

Draco Malfoy : "Well it is fantastic, but it's even better for him being with somebody like me" he smirks, his famous smirk.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry tries to hide his laugh. "What's something you two do on your days away from others?"

Draco Malfoy : "I am usually very productive, I get work done but I know Harry mopes about waiting until we see each other again, bless him" he smiles

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry rolls his eyes. "I don't know how I deal with you"

Draco Malfoy : He smiles "because I'm good in bed, that's why, you can't live without me"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "As if you could live without me"

Draco Malfoy : "I wouldn't be able to" he smiles

Draco Malfoy : "so Mr Potter, what is it like dating a deatheater" Draco mocks holding a quill in his hand.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I wouldn't really know considering my idiot of a boyfriend doesn't ever act like one"

Draco Malfoy : He pretends to scribble that down "ah I see, so tell me, what do yous do when you two are alone?" He says doing a Rita Skeeter impression.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Usually I'm telling him off for being a git or laughing at what makes him a git, other times One of us is getting fucked by the other"

Draco Malfoy : Draco looks shocked, "you can't say that Harry?!"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I think I just did, Draco"

Draco Malfoy : He rolls his eyes getting back into character, "so Mr Potter what do you're friends Mr Weasley and Miss Granger think of your relationship?"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "They aren'y the most estatic about it, but i honestly couldn't give a fuck"

Draco Malfoy : Draco smiles at his answer "does Mr Malfoy not care about his family reputation being damaged by this relationship?" He does his Rita Skeeter impression again.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "that's really not something for me to answer, I certainly hope not though. I hate that sometimes he still lives in fear of his family name."

Draco Malfoy : Draco looks up at Harry, "I don't care about my family name anymore Harry" he smiles

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry looks him in the eye. "Cross your heart?"

Draco Malfoy : He nods "well I don't care about our relationship damaging it, that's for sure..." he admits

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "it's probably damaged enough as is..."

Draco Malfoy : He hums "that's probably true" he sits in silence for a moment "Harry?"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Yes love?"

Draco Malfoy : "See if we ever get married, can I take your second name?"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "O-of course!" His eyes go not. He definitely didn't expect Draco to ask that"

Draco Malfoy : He smiles "good, I want rid of my name, the rein of Malfoys end at me" he grins up at Harry

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry pecks his lips. "Draco Potter..." He smiles. "I love it"

Draco Malfoy : He smiles "I love you"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I love you too... Even if you are a git half the time"

Draco Malfoy : He rolls his eyes "you're not perfect Mr Potter"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Yeah? Well you still love me... Mr. Potter" He smirks

Draco Malfoy : He smiles widely and his eyes start to tear up, hearing Harry call him that.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "It really does have a nice ring to it..." He presses a kiss to Draco's cheek. "Mr. and Mr. Potter..."

Draco Malfoy : He lets a tear of happiness fall from his eye "I-It sounds lovely"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry wipes away the tear. "Yeah? What else sounds lovely to you?"

Draco Malfoy : He grins "The two of us buying our first home together with little Potters running around, me and you at the alter, honeymoon" he says getting lost in his thoughts.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry starts tearing up as well. "Me and you... With our own little family... Not letting them be raised like either of us were..."

Draco Malfoy : "Of course not, they will have the best life, never put in harms way, we will both protect our family with our lives, and I will always protect you my love"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Our kids are gonna be spoiled aren't they?" Harry let out a small laugh

Draco Malfoy : He nods smiling "yes they will"

Draco Malfoy : He sighs happily "our little slytherin children"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Slytherin? I'm sure not /all/ our children will be in Slytherin"

Draco Malfoy : Draco smiles "if we have any boys they are learning the ways of a slytherin but our little baby girl will be a ravenclaw, she will be the smartest of the bunch"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I will not be raising our boys to solely be Slytherin, Mr. Potter." harry glares at him the best he can while trying not to cry.

Draco Malfoy : "Our boys must be slytherins, our little girl, Lily, will not be a slytherin."

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "L-lily... W-we can name our little girl a-after my mum..." Harry smiles and puts a hand over his mouth

Draco Malfoy : He nods "Sounds lovely doesn't it baby?"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I-it does..." He lets out a choked sob and tightly wraps his arms around Draco.

Draco Malfoy : Draco holds onto Harry tightly and he rubs his back "our little family Harry"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Th-the war is over, Dray... We can have a f-family..."

Draco Malfoy : "We can be happy Harry, after everything" he kisses Harry's head and he tucks his own into Harry's neck as a few tears fall.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry tangles his fingers in Draco's hair and tries to calm himself down. "Me and you.."

Draco Malfoy : Draco presses light kisses to Harry's neck "me and you, against the world"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "And trying to raise children together... We thought the war was crazy. Wait till we have kids"

Draco Malfoy : He laughs into his neck "Merlin...that's going to be a challenge"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Yeah it is... But its gonna be a lot of fun too..."

Draco Malfoy : "It's always going to be fun, we're going to be the cool parents that everybody loves" he smirks "we have to be, look at us"

Draco Malfoy : "Wait a minute Harry, I've thought of a problem..."

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "What? we're both guys? We can adopt, love"

Draco Malfoy : "No, not that, what will they call us?" He frowns looking genuinely worried.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry lets out a laugh and claps a hand over his mouth. "That's whats got you so worried, love? I'm sure they'll call us something along the lines as Daddy slash dad and papa"

Draco Malfoy : He nods "who's daddy and who's papa?" He smiles picturing his family.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Are we really gonna decide that now? What would you like to be called?"

Draco Malfoy : He thinks for a moment "I'll be papa, since I'm the stricter one."

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): Harry nods and smiles. "Okay. You'll be papa and I'll be daddy"

Draco Malfoy : Draco smiles widely "perfect" he laughs "imagine the papers the day we have children" he grins stupidly just thinking about it.

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "Imagine the papers everyday of our lives together. I'm sure they'll always be crazy"

Draco Malfoy : "Yeah I guess. People won't believe it's real, does that annoy you, that people doubt our live."

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "A little... But as long as we don't doubt it"

Boyfriend!Harry potter (Disconnected): "I love you Draco... I love you more than anything on this planet and I can't wait to share a life with you..."

#shamchat #drarry #draco malfoy #harry potter #draco x harry #rp #roleplay #otp #ship #shipping #fanfiction

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