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onpurposeilovehimonpurpose · 3 months

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My dog

Trigger warning because I'm going to talk about my dog who passed away almost 2 years ago and the sadness and pain I feel from it.

Her collar jangles every time I go in and out of my room.

My footsteps shake the floor and vibrate the cold metal rail it's fastened to now.

It's a terrible thing to hang it on, not the place of honor I intended.

But when I first heard it, it was like she was there walking behind me, her pawprints in my footsteps the way that they had been for seventeen long years that weren't long enough.

Because I am still here. Still walking and looking behind me for her.

I reach out at night, in between sleep when my mind plays tricks on me, and I look down and around in the dark and hope I've not disturbed her.

And then, even after two years of being alone, it hits me like a freight train. My heart pounds so hard, and I feel like I can't breathe. And I am awake.

I fear I will never sleep peacefully again. That I must somehow come to grips with the reality that any nightmare I have will never be soothed by her kisses, the touch of her silky fur, and never ending cuddling warmth. That worse than that, she is now a part of my nightmares.

She doesn't deserve that from me. She deserved more than I could ever give to her. She was perfect.

Today, when I unsapped the collar and held it to my face, only the faintest trace of her smell remained. I inhaled and breathed like it was my last breath, trying so hard to find her there.

I think I'm always going to be trying to find her. Memories of her get foggier as the days pass, but at the same time, I forget she isn't there sometimes. Spending such a long time being taken care of and taking care of another becomes instinct.

A red dawn takes over the sky as the most beautiful backdrop to where she rests, close and too far away, forever.

The muscle memory is there, a constant.

When I come home, I will not be loved more than anyone has ever loved me because she is not there.

There is no better place for her than by my side. She would've stayed forever if she had the choice, I know that. But it doesn't change anything on days like this.

And I sit here, remembering, wishing I believed in more than I do, just so I could trick myself into knowing I will see her again.

I can believe that she is at peace. But today, I am not. And I want to be, for her, because that would honor her more than my pain ever will.

#pawprints in my footsteps

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torrette-superieur · 8 months

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PASTIME OF THE HANDICAPPED LAND OF THE HANDICAPPED GOD OF THE HANDICAPPED THE DOUBLE PITCH BECAUSE IT CLARIFIES THE DOUBLE PITCH BECAUSE IT DOES NOT CLARIFY SUPERIMPOSED COMMUNIST CATEGORIES OF VALUES THE SACRALITY OF SOLAR TRANSCEDENTALITY OF ONLY DEMONSTRABLE UNSAPPED INTELLIGENCE PRESENT AS IF THERE WERE NOT AT UTISTIC AUTISTICALLY COMPOSED BY HAND OF THOSE WHO IGNORE THAT IT IS CLEAR AND PRESENT AS IF IT WASN'T EATEN DETACHED STOLEN SPACIALLY SOLD TO WHOM THEY DON'T TELL YOU WHICH THEY CANNOT PRODUCE IT HIERARCHICAL SUBVERTIANCE SUPERIMPOSED ON THE SOLAR TRANSCEDENTALITY OF ONLY DEMONSTRABLE INTELLIGENCE NOT SAYED NATURE WITHOUT DIMENSION ASSUMED RESOLD AUTISTICALLY FROM NOTHING AUTISTIC EAT YOURSELF FROM EXPIRED AUTISTIC SPACE WITH ABSOLUTE AUTISTIC CONDEMNATION AT THE INDEPENDENT CONTRADICTORY CONCEPT OF INTUITION PURE SOLAR CLARIFICATION IT AS SPACIAL ENEMY EATER RETAILER SUPERIMPOSED FALSE CLEARIFIED UNIVERSAL AUTISM WHICH THEY OVERLAP SO YOU CAN'T SPEAK AUTOMATICALLY TO THE POWER F ALSA CAUSE FALSE DYNAMICS THE DOUBLE PITCH AS CLARIFIES THE DOUBLE PITCH BECAUSE IT DOES NOT CLARIFY PASTIME OF THE HANDICAPPED LAND OF THE HANDICAPPED GOD OF THE HANDICAPPED ETC ETC

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clown-from-spacestation13 · 1 year

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I just build that, and you guys cant even look after my bulding for a second, every dam time you guys lets spy SAP my buildings and gets mad at me cuz i did not protect but you guys did not help what The hell you guys whant me to do respawn faster, unsap it in spectator or what.

You guys was litery walk past to it.

Not you pyro you cool

#meme #tf2 #team fortress 2 #tf2 engineer

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ennaku-sirri-da · 1 year

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Jimbit (Jimothan X Habit) HCs courtesy of me and Mika [Part 2]

OK so

@zeromet FOR YOU!!! (AGAIN YAY) [Plain text: For you!!! (Again yay)]

Also clarification here that sometime Kamal and Habit ‘open’ their relationship and Trencil is generally OK with his partner having other romantic partners AKA OK with polyamory. I guess they all worked it out ha

--At the end of a really good spaghetti western

Habit is doing the celebration stuff and so is jim and he straight asks jim if they can kiss ( I guess Trencil and Kamal would know by now that these two are gay for each other. They don’t really do anything they just let it happen naturally)

And Jimothan is so caught up in the moment he says yes and they kiss for way too long and then the credits come on and they panic

Habit immediately drives home with sleep-deprived nightmare-moon Kamal

Jimothan immediately offs all the lights and rolls into bed at 3 AM

---Damn spaghetti western night goes on late!!

Imagine Jimothan and Habby watching the sun rise...sleeping on each other.

Habit uses Jim like a pillow so that he doesn’t squish him. He’d be so gentle with Jim because dude’s a noodle. Thats also just how Habit is and it flusters Jimbo!!!

--Anywaysss somewhere after The Kiss(TM), Jim and Habit just admit they like each other and then they date because they’re both straightforward like that ha.

--When Jim and Habit just start out as a couple its real awkward but they both have patience so its fine. Lotsa awkward laughs and scares. Maybe kamal and trencil needed to help wingman a little.

--Habit purpousefully loses their arm fights to Jimbo just to see the joy on his face and hear him laugh

--Jimothan calls Habit Tamil nicknames( My HC is that Jim and Pars are tamil like me!!) BUT[plain text: But] He doesn’t tell him what they mean or tells Habit a very unsapped version

From Kanamma to Kanmachan...

Kanamma means a woman\girl who is the apple of your eye! Machan means brother-in-law, but it is also casual slang for calling your guy-friends.

Kanmachan is an entirely made-up mashup by me LMAO Machan of my eye.

Habit calls Jimbo his yeehawty

--They go on horseback riding dates( Borrowing Lulia’s horses cuz that girl is rich!)

old guys helping each other up on horses....🥺(pleading emoji)

....AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE HORSE OMG [Plain text: And there was only one horse omg]

(Lulia lies and says the others are too tired rn so theres only one they can ride)

(I owe you my life Lulia)

Habit is huge and Jimbo is short so Habit has to lift Jim up but only after Jim tries and fails himself

Jimothan almost falls and dies BTW but Habit catches him

[ Gif description: A man catches a woman in a dip like a dance. end GIF]

Unfortunately both Jim and Habit’s backs start hurting because of it and they roll around in the grass a bit for pain relief

Its incredibly romantic

the horse rolls its eyes but what does it know of romance hm?

--Habit: "bay-bee our loaf defies the lawls of physics 🥺(pleading emoji) " [translated: baby our love defies the laws of physics]

Just like a Kollywood movie!!

[ GIF: Scene from a movie. A guy drives a cycle and a big truck swerves to avoid him, bumping off of something hard and flying away at the end. end ID]

Big Habit X Jimbo vibes. I bet Jimothan has a big decorated truck. Its like his third kid( Nat is the second because Bloody Mary--Jim X Trencil are married! )

Habits like Jimothan can I😳(flustered emoji)sit beside you in your truck (*Pushes Parsley away)

Parsley is buff as hell so he could probably beat Habit up but he’s too tired so he just gets thrown to the back anyway.

[GIF: Scene from a movie. Police guy gets out of a moving car in slow motion and points a gun into the distance. end GIF]

Jimothan doing stupid shit to impress Habit^

‘‘Look I am a ‘Bad Ass’ like the Kids say’‘

Habits clapping and giggling and cheering for him while Pars already has his insurance on the phone.

More Jimbo stunts.

#headcanons #jimbit #jimothan botch #dr habit #my friends hcs #flashing tw #police mention tw #jic!#gif #s4m #smile for me game

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sumedangtandang · 5 years

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Bismillahirahmanirrahim Sejenak mari kita manfaatkan hidup ini untuk hal-hal yg baik. Jangan lewatkan Tabligh Akbar yang akan dilaksanakan pada hari Selasa, 26 Februari 2019. Bertempat di Aula HES Yayasan Pendidikan Sebelas Apiril Sumedang. . . Dan ini TERBUKA untuk Umum, mari kita sama-sama membentuk pribadi yang lebih baik untuk kehidupan ini. . . . . #stia #sas #sumedang #sebelasaprilsumedang #unsap https://www.instagram.com/p/BuLUO8tA0tq/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=1givggzj40w2n

#stia #sas #sumedang #sebelasaprilsumedang #unsap

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sexxphilly · 5 years

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Monday Gallery

Welcome to your favorite weekly feature. Monday NSFW Gallery is about enjoying images of sexuality and human bodies in all their diversity. Enjoy this feature while it still lasts, before the internet is completely neutered. And make sure you open this thing in a space where it won’t be awkward.

Questions? Comments? Violent reactions? Email [email protected] or tweet @timaree_leigh See…

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#anrimyove #feverflesh #innerthigh #light #musclebearfkr #svenandjulie #unsapped #web

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kapol-id · 2 years

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Dandim Sumedang: Mahasiswa Stikes Unsap Bantu Tangani Covid-19, Bentuk Bela Negara

KAPOL.ID – Mahasiswa Stikes Universitas Sebelas April (Unsap) diberi penghargaan oleh Kodim 0610/Sumedang. Beralasan, karena kiprahnya dinilai membantu selama kegiatan vaksin yang dilaksanakan Kodim 0610/Sumedang. Dandim 0610/Sumedang Letkol, Inf. Zaenal Mustofa mengatakan, peran serta mahasiswa dalam menangani Covid-19, merupakan bentuk bela negara. Menurut dia, karena sesuai dengan UUD 1945 dan…

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#1 #kodim sumedang #stikes #unsap

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tf2workbench · 3 years

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Zap that sap!

The Pyro’s Homewrecker, with its ability to remove enemy Sappers, is a great example of a weapon that encourages team play. It’s a critical element in any “Pybro” set and helps to give opposing Spies a tough time. What if we take that attribute and add it to another class?

I want to start off with a basic concept: more people who can remove sappers means that Spies’ jobs are harder. It’s pretty intuitive, but as I build this, I need to keep in mind that I’m not trying to invalidate the Spy. I’m trying to build cool team-play options.

I’ll begin with a weapon for the Scout.

Scrapper Bat Bat (+) +50% damage against buildings (+) Can remove enemy Sappers (-) -25% damage against players (-) +15% damage vulnerability while active

Note that, due to the unique swing speed/damage of the bat, this weapon can remove sappers in exactly one second - noticeably faster than the Wrench, but slower than the Homewrecker.

Against enemy buildings, Level 1 (150) takes three swings (down from five), and Levels 2/3 (180/210 respectively) both take four (from six for both). For Wrangled sentries, multiply those numbers by three. Mini-sentries take two (from three). It’s entirely possible for a Scout to bring down sentries in close quarters by strafing around them; this weapon punishes sentry placement in places where skilled Scouts can pull that off.

On the home front, this Scout is likely to be highly effective against enemy sappers. With quick movements, they can easily get to the building and take out the offending sap... if they’re in the vicinity, which they may not be. Scouts are not known for hanging around their team all that much.

What about Heavy? He might have difficulty getting to the building in time, but he’s a team-focused class who’s likely to be in the vicinity.

Scrapper Fists Fists (+) +100% damage against buildings (+) Can damage enemy sappers (-) -25% damage against players

You’re in a good position to break sappers (and enemy buildings), but once they’re down, you have to switch back to your minigun. That’s a big decision to make, since the Heavy moves so slowly and deliberately - and every second counts when you’re that slow.

I have to say, I prefer this one to the Scout’s melee; it feels more on-brand. But let’s try one more.

Scrapper Rifle Sniper Rifle (+) Can damage enemy sappers (-) -10% damage against buildings

This rifle has a relatively small niche, which is my chief worry about it. It’s quite useful in its intended role, though, as it’s able to unsap any building you can see. It does require you to charge (thereby leaving you open to enemy snipers/ambushes), but ranged sapper removal is very powerful, especially in the open areas where sentries can do their best work. There’s still the problem of being useless without allied Engineers and enemy Spies, though... And, of course, this whole topic is quite painful to Spies.

What do you think? How would you implement sapper removal, if at all?

#tf2workbench #tf2 #team fortress 2 #scout #heavy #sniper #melee #primary

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finn-writes-stuff · 3 years

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reading is for people who don’t have spoon rights

anyways

•unsparkles your captain•

•unsaps your nap•

•uncaptains your puffy•

yours truly,

gremlin anon

Do not uncaptain the puffy, she deserves her title

#gremlin anon #anon asks #finn rambling

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guiltiest-gear · 3 years

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Fuck you *unsaps your nap*

???

#Anon

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robotiguy · 3 years

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you know what? fuck you. *unsaps your naps*

#sapnap

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indraglasses-blog · 7 years

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Catatan Mengenai Keberadaan Perguruan Tinggi Sebelas April di Kota Sumedang

Dasar Awal

Pada tanggal 28 Oktober 1981 setelah selesai Upacara Bendera memperingati hari Sumpah Pemuda di alun-alun Sumedang Kepala Kantor Departemen Pendidikan dan Kebudayaan Kabupaten Sumedang yang pertama yang bertugas mulai tahun 1975 sejak adanya Kantor Departemen Pendidikan dan Kabupaten / Kotamadya seluruh Indonesia termasuk di Kabupaten Sumedang (Kosam Erawan) yang di dalam lingkungan organisasi masa berkedudukan sebagai Ketua Umum Angkatan 45 Cabang Kabupaten Sumedang meminta izin kepada Bupati Sumedang (Drs. H. Kustandi Abdurachman) dan Ketua DPRD TK. II Sumedang (Letkol Purn. Oyo Sunaryo) untuk bertemu bertiga di Kantor Bupati (Gedung Negara) dengan acara pembicaraan tunggal mengenai kemungkinan berdirinya sebuah Universitas Swasta di Kota Sumedang, walaupun di Kecamatan Cikeruh waktu itu sudah ada Unwim, Ikopin, dan APDN/IPDN.

LATAR BELAKANG MENGAPA DI KOTA SUMEDANG BERDIRI PERGURUAN TINGGI SWASTA

Pada kurun waktu tahun 1962 – 1968 di Kota Sumedang pernah ada perkuliahan Perguruan Tinggi IKIP Ekstensien Bandung, Pendidikan Tinggi Dakwah Islam (PTDI), Akademi Administrasi Niaga (AAN) dan tahun 1977 – 1978 Uninus Bandung Kelas Jauh.

Hasrat para Lulusan SLTA Negeri/Swasta di Kabupaten Sumedang untuk memasuki Perguruan Tinggi baik Negeri maupun Swasta sangat besar kendatipun harus mengeluarkan biaya yang cukup lumayan untuk keperluan biaya kuliah, sewa kamar, makan dan sebagainya diluar Kota Sumedang.

Berniat untuk :

Meringankan beban masyarakat/orang tua dalam membiayai kuliah putra putrinya.

Meringankan pengawasan (controle) orang tua terhadap putra putrinya yang sedang mengikuti kuliah jauh dari rumah orang tua.

Memanfaatkan tenaga para putra putrinya untuk membantu orang tua di rumah dikala sedang tidak ada kuliah.

Membantu para karyawan dan guru yang masih berminat menambah ilmu guna meningkatkan kedudukan atau profesinya.

Sebagaian putra Sumedang dari sisa usia yang masih ada turut berpartisipasi aktif di bidang pembangunan, khusus di bidang Pendidikan untuk Kesejahteraan masyarakat Kabupaten Sumedang.

Mengapa Perguruan Tinggi Swasta di Kota Sumedang diberi Nama Universitas Sebelas April?

Di Jawa Tengah ada sebuah Universitas disebut Universitas Sebelas Maret. Nama Sebelas Maret dikaitkan dengan peristiwa Supersemar, keluarnya Surat perintah Sebelas Maret.

Sebelas April merupakan satu tanggal yang memiliki satu peristiwa sejarah, yaitu pada tanggal 11 April 1949 di Desa Cibubuan Kecamatan Conggeang Kabupaten Sumedang terjadi pertempuran tembak menembak antara Tentara Belanda terdiri dari Pasukan Baret Hijau dibantu oleh Tentara sewaan Kerajaan Hindia Belanda yang anggotanya terdiri dari Bangsa Indonesia (KNIL) dengan Tentara Nasional Indonesia (TNI) Batalion II Tarumanegara Divisi Siliwangi yang baru datang “longmars” dari Yogyakarta. Dalam peristiwa pertempuran ini Komandan Kompi II Kapten Eddy Sumapraja bersama beberapa orang pengawalnya gugur di medan pertempuran tertembak mati dan Komandan Batalion II Tarumanegara Mayor Abdurachman Natadikusumah ditangkap dan disiksa secara biadab oleh pasukan Baret Hijau dan Pasukan KNILnya, kemudian ditembak mati didepan Kantor Baladesa Cibubuan dikarenakan tidak mau menunjukan dimana Komandan DIVISI Siliwangi (waktu itu Kol. Sadikin) berada dan tidak mau membocorkan rahasia siasat tentara yang dipegang oleh Prajurit Siliwangi dimana saja berada.

Tanggal Sebelas April melahirkan jiwa Patriotisme dan Kepahlawanan sebagai realisasi dari jiwa, semangat dan nilai juang 45 dengan semboyan: “Sekali Merdeka Tetap Merdeka, Merdeka atau Mati Terus Pantang Mundur.” Yang dibuktikan oleh Mayor Abdurachman Natadikusumah selaku seorang Komandan Batalion II Tarumanegara dibawah Panji Siliwangi memilih disiksa dan ditembak mati daripada harus menyerah membocorkan rahasia perjuangan Negara Republik Indonesia Merdeka.

Perguruan Tinggi Sebelas April dapat dijadikan Candradimuka tempat penggemblengan para Mahasiswanya sebagai calon Sarjana bila telah Lulus menjadi Sarjana berbakti dan mengabdi menurut keahliannya masing-masing kepada Tanah Air dan Bangsa sampai akhir zaman.

Perguruan Tinggi Sebelas April atau Universitas Sebelas April dapat dijadikan Momentum Hidup atau Tugu Peringatan yang bias dibawa dan dikenang oleh para lulusan dimana dan kapan saja tersebar diseluruh Indonesia.

Keberadaan Perguruan Tinggi Sebelas April atau Universitas Sebelas April bukan milik pribadi atau seseorang tetapi milik Yayasan yang disebut Yayasan Pendidikan Sebelas April (YPSA) Sumedang berstatus independen tidak bernaung dibawah satu Partai Politik apapun atau tidak berpihak kepada Partai Politik manapun. Berdasarkan Akte Notaris Christy S. Sutadikusumah, SH. Nomor 24 tanggal 17 Mei 1982 berkedudukan di Sumedang dengan struktur komposisi organnya terdiri dari Pembina, Pengawas, dan Pengurus (Ketua, Sekretaris, Bendahara) dengan masa bhakti lima tahun sekali.

#unsap #unsapdaily #STKIP Sebelas April Sumedang #YPSA Sumedang #Sumedang

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whirlybirbs · 6 years

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entry wounds.

summary: winter soldier pays reader a visit after a rough night. word count: 1.7k rating: T, for some blood & first aid reference a/n: this is part of the #bittercoffee series!

You’re startled awake, ripped from a dead sleep, to the sound of your window rattling open and the heavy bang of a body hitting the old hardwood floor.

Reflexively, you shriek, hands jumping to cover your mouth as your scramble out of bed -- more like fall, actually -- and fly into defense mode. In a flash, you’ve got the Louisville slugger you keep by your nightstand in your hands. You step, legs wide and long t-shirt bunching as you begin to stalk around the edge of the bed.

In any other scenario, you’d look pathetic. Your hair is a mess, wild with sleep, chin crusted with dried drool, and the t-shirt you’ve donned as a night gown barely covers the bare expanses of your thighs. Your voice, though, is heavy with an angered seriousness.

“Who the fuck do you think you are --”

The intruder groans, sitting up slowly; the gunmetal arm practically glows in the moonlight and your eye widen in realization. He raises a hand, motioning with a silent wave that he’s fine. Don’t worry about it.

But, you see right through it.

“Bucky,” you whisper-yell, tossing the bat onto your bed and quickly moving to slip to his side. Your bare knees hit the carpet he’d managed to land on. Bucky seems to notice your state of undress, dark eyes skimming up your thighs before his brows shift -- they quirk upwards and you swear if he didn’t have that stupid mask on, you’d have the nerve to smack him.

Bucky can’t help it. He’s a little out of it. Any distraction is nice.

It’s not until your own eyes dance down his rigid form that you piece together how bad of state he’s in. The tactical gear padding his chest is slick with blood, seeping from a wound between the junction of his right pauldron. The leather there is torn to ribbons and your hands hover for a moment as you gape at the wound.

“Ohmygod, you’re bleeding. Okay, yep, that’s... That’s a lot of blood.”

Your eyes continue, traveling towards his thighs and you screw your eyes shut, nodding slowly as you try not to stare at the other entry wound above his plated knee guards. The black material makes it all look so inky and in the limited light of the bedroom, you can hardly believe how much blood there is already -- down the window sill, pooling into the carpet.

“Okay, awesome, yep, this is bad. This is not good.”

Your ears perk up at the sound of the hurried steps. It’s your apartment's roommate. From down the hall Marissa shuffles closer to your door. You can hear the worry in her footfalls.

"Hide,” you hiss, scrambling to shove Bucky behind the edge of your bed -- your fingers press into his shoulders and you’re as careful as you can be, scrambling to keep him from Marissa’s sight. He groans loudly at the shove. Finally, Bucky settles against the bedframe, teeth gritting behind his mask as he holds his shoulder, applying whatever pressure he can.

You fall, scrambling to the door, yanking it just in time for her to knock.

She’s wide eyed when you blink down at her.

“Marissa!” you laugh, “Heeeeeey.”

She looks you up and down.

“Is everything alright?! I heard a bang and you yell and --”

“Oh, yeah, psh, it’s nothing... I, uh... I rolled out of bed.”

Her brows knit together.

“Rolled... out of bed...?”

“Yeah,” you nod, giving a tight lipped smile, “I’m fine. It’s nothing... Ha.”

Your roommate, not convinced in the slightest, nods slowly. “Right. Okay...”

“'Night, Rissa!”

“... Good night.”

You nearly slam your door off the hinges, tripping back over to Bucky’s side. He moves, then, groaning and reached up to tug his mask from his jaw. You inhale, a hand touching the side of his face gingerly as you scramble to dig out a t-shirt from the bottom draw of your dresser. You shove it his way and Bucky accepts it eagerly, pressing the pink fabric into the juncture of his shoulder and hissing slightly.

“I swear,” you begin, tearing at another t-shirt with your teeth as you ready a small turniquot for his leg, “If you weren’t bleeding out, I’d kill you.”

“S’not that bad,” he heaves, groaning and wincing visibly as you manipulate his leg, bending his knee and tying the t-shirt strip high on his thigh like the most un-sexy garter belt to ever exist. Your fingers, stained crimson and slick, fumble for the first-aid kit under your bed. “You’re a med student.”

“Biomedical, Buck,” you deadpan, snapping the latches on the kit and moving to unsap his tactical gear quickly, trying to get a better look at the entry wound on his shoulder, “It’s, like, so different.”

“How different?”

A genuine question. He needs a distraction. He was never good at channeling the pain and ignoring it.

You lean, shrugging him out of the bullet proof vest and pistol straps as you try not to admire the way his bare chest heaves and tugs -- the way his muscles tighten under the strain of it all; but it’s hard. Your brain stutters a little, fingers working fast to tear open a pack of antiseptic ointment.

“Very different,” you mumble, pausing and blinking up at him, “... Exit wound…?”

“Oh… No.”

Bucky pauses, catching your gaze as your face pales -- he realizes what you think that means. He beat you to it.

“Dug them out already.”

He notices how you grimace and pause, considering the implications for a second. It’s enough to visibly gross you out.

“Good enough for me.”

You clench your jaw, shaking your head as you move into his lap and straddle his good thigh, eyes focused and hands fast as you quickly thread the sutures and prep the site. In moments like these, you’re thankful for that job you took one summer as a camp counselor. Stitching and basic injury treatment were coming in handy tonight.

Bucky can feel his systems slip into check when you start; the feeling of stitches is familiar and a signal things are being repaired -- he doesn’t feel tunnel vision consume him whole, and he can even start to focus on the way you sit in his lap. You’re warm, and the weight of your hips against his thigh is welcomed; though, he can’t imagine the pistol holster digging into your leg is very comfortable. Blue eyes dip along your thighs, adam’s apple bobbing as he realizes you’ve got nothing but a pair of blue lace bottoms on underneath your oversized NYPD t-shirt.

“Eyes are up here,” you chide, shifting in his lap as you finish the stitching in his shoulder before snagging the medical scissors in the kit and swiping them across the top of his pant leg -- the fibers of his pants are harder to cut through, but once you get them sliced, you have a nice clean view of the bullet wound.

“That was quick.”

“Yeah, well, sewing is good hobby to have when you’re the Winter Soldier’s sidekick.”

You lean, elbows planted on the carpet as you do the same to his knee, leaning over his lap; Bucky drops his head back against the frame of your bed -- he’s trying not to check you out. But, this view is one that in any other context, he’d love to dwell on. Bucky realizes quickly he’s thinking like James -- not the mind zapped Cold War weapon. It’s a relief. He tries to think about it, to focus on it.

“Please tell me the Avengers have healthcare.”

Bucky laughs, a throaty chuckle and you smile, knuckles red from the mess. Swiping at a stray piece of hair that flutters into your view, you just know you’ve definitely got blood on your face. You finish the stitching and move to wrap the new alterations, leaning back on your knees and huffing once you’re done.

His eyes are soft.

You both go quiet and you lean against the bed frame beside him, bare arm touching the cold metal of his own. He expects you to flinch, to recoil -- but you don’t. You just rub at the blood caked into the creases of your palms and sigh.

He speaks first.

“Thank you.”

You go quiet, craning your neck to look up at him; your eyes linger on his as you nod. “I’d say anytime, but if I ever have to do this again --”

You fall silent again, ducking your head.

Bucky gets it. So he nods.

His fingers dig into your knee, the black gloves and metal stark against your skin, cold and hard against the soft curve of the skin there. The touch lingers, and part of you wishes he’d let it travel higher, let it really touch you. But, Bucky relinquishes his hold after a moment and heaves himself upwards.

“Sorry for the mess.”

He moves, shrugging his bullet proof vest on, snapping the mask back onto his face. For a man who’d just dug two bullets out of his body, he moves with grace. He’s light on his feet. You smile.

“Yeah, well,” you shrug, “The Winter Soldier is a bit of a slob.”

Dark brows quirk, light blue eyes dancing with mild amusement as he adjusts the holsters around his chest -- he motions to the bunched up section of your nightgown, igniting your face in pink as he winks. You laugh, mouth agape as you shake your head and cross your arms.

“Get out of here, you loser,” you quip, “And please, get those really fixed -- this was janky and my first aid kit is, like, 8 years old.”

He hauls the window open, stepping onto the fire escape easily. It hurts, but not terribly now, and Bucky pops his torso back through once he gets his footing. His gloved palms brace against the stark white sill. His voice is muffled, eyes bright with affection.

“Thanks, doll.”

“Yeah, yeah,” you chime, leaning in and grinning. Your lips brush the spot where his own would be on his mask and Bucky swears that if you kiss him, getting shot twice and beaten the shit out of was worth it for this moment. Blue eyes screw shut.

And then.... Nothing.

Your window slams in his face.

He laughs.

#bucky x reader #bucky barnes imagine #bittercoffee #bucky barnes x reader #winter soldier x reader #winter soldier imagine #still trying to figure their dynamic out!!!!

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