#until I get my meds fixed

[rosicheeks]

🙃

#my roommate is going on probation for weed #so she can’t smoke anymore #and she’s trying to get me to stop #and I’m like #bro……… #you don’t understand #until I get my meds fixed #i feel like I use weed like a crutch #i know that’s bad #but I haven’t self harmed or killed myself #so that’s great #there have been times where I was so low that if I didn’t have weed to distract me I wouldn’t be here right now #like I know it’s dramatic #but it’s true? #she doesn’t have depression or anything mental so she won’t understand #but she’s like #well just go out and do stuff and then once you get home you’ll decide to just save it for tomorrow #uhm dude? #if I’m out the entire day I’m going to be DRAINED #and if I don’t have any weed for a pick me up? #I’m going to be drained the rest of the week #like idk idk idk #I’ve been smoking and using weed for my depression for YEARS #ever since high school #also I live with my ex #sooOoOoOooOoOoOoO #that’s just not going to go well #ok I need to shut up #delete delete delete #shut up rosie

[fishyartist]

#valerie gray #danny fenton #danny phantom #grayghost #gray ghost #my art #fan art #taking that ''you have to draw horribly" advice to HEART and then slapping like 6 gradients over the mess to make it appear competent #idk i wanna revisit the concept of contact+their relationship evolving #like pinky swear->shaking hands->holding eachother i guess? #like despite the setbacks+hurt they both cause #it also has like joy+value. like the idea of knowing and trusting others depite lies and betrayal is worth the pain for the good or somethi #also i wanted 2 try the idea of the suit val gets from vlad looking like his. idk might b too on the nose tho... ill overthink it l8er #idk man its 4 am. my brain stopped being able to draw how i wanna weeks ago. (meds stoped working yippie! this wil b fixed soon <3) #wanna revisit this once i get my shit together but UNTIL THEN... #im going to bed and posting this and ur gonna looka t it and understand my vision through it all ok? ty!

[tj-crochets]

Went to the doctor just for a check up and he basically just told me "your body just processes sugar very well! :) :) :) It's a good thing! :) :) :) It can't possibly be the source of your symptoms even though eating fixes it :) :) :)" But there was also a moment when talking about my iron deficiency that is possibly one of the funniest things a doctor has ever said to me, up with the cardiologist who said "you're a medical mystery": He was going over my blood test results, and said "Your iron levels haven't gone up at all, they are still extremely low, but you're not anemic anymore" And I was like how am I not anemic anymore??? And he said "Your hemoglobin levels have gone up...somehow..." while frowning at the blood test results on his computer. It was very "somehow, palpatine has returned" lol

#the person behind the yarn #medical mention #food mention #he did at one point say the iron issue is probably an absorption issue #which. give this is either my third or my sixth absorption issue (depending on if you count electrolytes) #I'm not exactly surprised but I'm also not thrilled #at some point it stops being 'your body is very good at processing' and starts being #'your body just yeets all nutrients out of it!' #I am on two different medications to make me retain salt more #like. one that is 100% the entire reason I take that med #one that that's a side effect of that med strong enough they thought I shouldn't take both together #until they did bloodwork to check (and found it was appropriate to take both) #and I STILL need a RIDICULOUS amount of salt #and sometimes! even with two different meds and like four different kinds of salt pills! I straight up do not retain salt! #I get super dehydrated and cannot fix it for days! #and I am more tired of it than I perhaps realized #just real tired of doctors going 'your body is just so efficient at processing :) :) :)' #I am already doing all the low blood sugar things. smaller more frequent meals lots of protein lots of complex carbs #not looking for advice just wanted to share the 'somehow...your hemoglobin has gone up' #because I do genuinely find that really funny

[hafwen]

My gastroenterologist told me to try a fleet enema since I haven’t been able to have a bowl movement for 4 days but I’m worried that will make my blood pressure drop too fast and I will have a dysautonomic episode which will only make everything worse

#he also said try a high dose of miralax #so maybe I’ll do that first since that will be easier on my body? #don’t know #just really angry I have meds to prevent this #but they’re $400 until this garbage gets fixed #personal #my body is a wonderland thats been condemned for 20 yrs

[angrylesbianstereotype]

Real talk tho I don’t think we’re actually going to get anywhere in terms of destigmatizing mental illness until we start accepting that A) some mentally ill people really are not fully in control of their actions and this does not make them monsters bc they are not actively choosing to hurt others, and B) that does not mean that you are obligated to take shit from them bc you’re foremost obligation is to protect yourself, and bc there are shitty ppl out there who will feign being out of control so that they can get away w hurting you w/out suffering any of the natural repercussions that come w acting like a jerkoff. Also! Bc that person who really was out of control does not really want you to put yourself in the line of fire for them, bc they don’t really want to hurt you! And I think of these things are really hard for ppl to come to terms w bc it’s a lot harder to feel in control of a situation when there is no one person to blame, then it just feels really doomy and like there is no right response, which there really isn’t on an individual level, bc the reality is that the only constructive response to any of this is for the system to stop making it impossible for ppl to get the help they need, which… isn’t going to happen anytime soon :(

#i don’t want to be a source of anxiety and trauma for the ppl around me anymore #and i’ve tried to change but when i’m having an episode i can rlly only redirect my terrible vibes into doing some other crazy person shit #that still freaks ppl out but at least it isn’t directly targeted at them #until they get mad at me for my regulatory behaviors and then i start yelling :) #like pls just let me act not normal in peace this is actually the best that i can do #the only way i can fix it is w meds that i have to jump through flaming hoops to access #i don’t know if any of this is helpful for anyone or if i’m just over sharing on the internet but hopefully #borderline personality disorder #bpd #mental illness

[aloyssobek]

wow today's been such a shite day for my mental health lmfaoooooooooooo!!!!!!

#health tag #didn't get any uni work done #but i will at least attend my online class #tbf i know it's partially because i didn't sleep until 6 am #i just. wasn't tired/falling asleep #also i haven't heard anything from any job i've applied to and i'm stressed #and the chemist fucked up delivering my meds but that's getting fixed soon #and i'm just. meh

[queen-mabs-revenge]

oh it's real depression hours

#giant hole in my ceiling from a leak from 3 years ago that restarted #and knowing the speed at which it got fixed last time shit's gonna be weeks #got a fucking bowl on the floor and everything and it's dripping water and bits of plaster so that's cool and great #cat's slowed down on eating even with the syringe assist #lab said it'll be 14 days before they have results #but if it's FIP that could be half of the time she has left #and there's a treatment that has an 85% success rate but it's not approved in a lot of countries so i'd have to get it myself #and it's the bones of a grand for the meds before even accounting for the syringes #and it's 84 days of injections which - this is the cat who won't even let me pill her so #but i can't even think of starting that until i know what it is for sure #and so i'm just gonna sit here and watch her die over the next two weeks #and most of that time is going to be spent trying to force her to eat and watching her growing to hate and avoid me #i literally just want to fucking scream 1% of cats ever get this why is it my best little friend in the world? #6 weeks ago she was the healthiest 12 year old you ever saw in your life #i've only got 60/195g of food into her today and that's taken hours and hours #this is torture for both of us idk what to do

[homo-house]

i feel like they'll get tired of me any day now

#what if she's only here for me out of politeness and being a good person who cares even for the wellbeing of annoying brats #i'm afraid she's sick of my bs already. she's helping me so much and i don't seem to get better #not long until she realizes i'm just fucked up like this forever and no amount of therapy can fix anything #she's so sure i can get off meds. i can't really see a world where i can properly function without them #i'm barely functional on this high of a dose

[craycraybluejay]

Got a sick fixation again. Every time I forget, that reminder returns. Need. Sick sick sick. The urge. I'm like if dark urge inbred with another dark urge and then that one inbred with another inbred dark urge so they had an even more fucked up baby and that baby was me

#i cant stop thinking ab it #and now i cant sleep even on 6mg melatonin #i feel like im going fucking feral crazy #istg is there like. a pill i can take which will calm down this specific problem #bc i dont really fuck w meds but maybe i could try again this time if it could actually work #though tbh id rather just be fixed like a cat :/ #remove all that #also remove my brain #remove my hands remove my eyes remove my mouth my nose my ears #remove everything #sigh #i hope i can forget about this at least for a bit with how busy i am in the next 2 weeks #i hope. #but also i dont? but thats obsession talking. #i wish i was good at art. i could sketch this away until i get bored or compartmentalize it enough to deal #but im not. and i wouldnt be satisfied enough with any of the sketches they wouldnt look like what theyre supposed to #id still feel. unbridled. wild. #feral. #what i wouldn't give to just not exist it's too much my feelings and thoughts are TOO BIG #conflicting words in the thousands per second saying do this dont do that dont do what you want follow the urge dont be weird be careful #it NEVER SHUTS UP up there #NEVER #its always going BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH #you guys think i TALK TOO MUCH? YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT TALK TOO MUCH EVEN M E A N S #EVEN ONE DAY WHAT I WOULDN'T GIVE TO SWITCH WITH SOMETHING SLOWER. EASIER TO DEAL WITH #i FUCKING MISS painkillers i MISS THEM they made things even a little bit QUIET #from day 1 to the day i die its all so much #you love them. you hate them. you want to eat them. you just noticed a new mole on them. you want to crawl into their skin. #you want to hurt. hurt is bad. hurt feels good. stop talking like a caveman. shut up. go away. porn. videogames. #troll a forum. read a book. kill yourself. make a song. hit that bitch.

[six-of-cringe]

almost forgot!! thank you to the folks who sent me memes a few days ago, i did see them and they were good and funny and thank you for thinking of me. :) I should probably mention that, mere moments after making my agitated post, I found out that I'd simply forgotten to take my meds for the previous two days. So that answers that.

#i take my meds so they impact my mood and i'm shocked every time they impact my mood. whoaaa spooky. witchcraft #anyway i'm having another weird ocd moment so i'm going to direct my 'fixing' energy into cleaning out my ask box #i will reply to stuff until i hit asks so old i'm to embarassed to reply at this point #my mom has covid and i'm trying not to get obsessive. my birthday is on saturday and i really don't want to get it :( #not soc

[satanfemme]

sometimes, in life, you will be spending more money than you make. and this is dangerous not just for the obvious reasons but also because you will find yourself thinking at an exponential frequency: “well I’m poor anyway, so I might as well buy myself a little treat too. I’m not gonna get any less-poor either way!”

DON’T. this is a BOOBYTRAP. and I am falling for it.

#this sucks. I know this isn't sustainable but I'm too stressed about it to even... think about the problem lol #so I just keep looking the other way. and hopefully when I get a raise next month it fixes the problem? #it's like. I'm going way past my budget on food/rent/meds/etc already. and it makes me feel so helpless. #and then I see a little pleasure opportunity that's only a few dollars more.... and I take it :-( and then they add up - #- until I'm even more in the red :-(( #negative

[milo-is-rambling]

I am so high I love you dabs I love you big bong rips I love you huge heavy bong I love you only having 20 dollars to my name and no plans but getting high and ignoring it I love you oh no I’m thinking about it

#I want to take an ice cold shower and scream and smoke a whole pack of cigarettes and lock myself in a closet for 72 hours in the dark with #no distractions to figure out what I actually want to do with the rest of my life and to face every bad thought I have and struggle to #ignore even years later like ugh I just need to be at the bottom of the ocean floating sinking alive dead in between for like a month and #then pull me back up and either I’ll be normal or I’ll be so fucked up they just put me back in there #like either way I am vibing at the bottom of the ocean (I have been desperately imaging a sensory deprivation tank all day) #(put me in a fucking sensory deprivation tank until something in my fucking brain rewires and I get worse or better than I am now this #inbetween stage is fucking killing me like what do you mean I’m not a horrible person but also what do you mean I struggle every day but I’m #normal but I have things about me other people don’t and alienate me to the point of near total isolation but also this is just how humans #are and I need to take meds and actively struggle to fit into a perfect little box of what a person should be like god damn I am so tired of #getting better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and better and worse and I’m miserable and I’m happy and I’m sobbing and #I know a month from now I’ll be depressed again or I’ll be the best I’ve ever been and it’s so fucking horrible to be in the middle stage #where I actually have to step up and admit shit is wrong and face it like why can’t I just lay in bed forever until I become the bed and not #like get a job and have a future. ugh. depression is so fucked esp bc most things in my life are normal I guess or like easier than my #friends like we all have seperate challenges but I’m the only one still living off their parents (ha. parent. forgot for a second.) and the #only thing wrong with my life is the mental health issues but I won’t step up and deal with it bc I feel like I’ve been depressed for so #long I like fucked up the foundational shit and like I know it’s fine but also I feel so behind and I feel like I’ll be behind and unhappy #forever even when im happy I know the next depressive episode is right around the corner and I give up again. ugh. I hate knowing that’s #what’s wrong with me but still not having the energy to step up and fix it. im so pathetic I want to cry. my brain is me but my brain is #destroying my life. anyways. im high and now im sad and have dry mouth. I think im gonna drink ice water and change into shorts+lay in bed)

[yellobb]

My bed frame broke and I immediately started sobbing, so that’s how my mental health has been going

#m rambles #Macey take her fucking meds challenge? #it’s been over a week #I just wanted to stay in bed all day #but my dad sat down on my bed to talk and the entire side fell through #this is the second time this has happened #the first time I laughed about it but right now I’m just a wreck #and my safe place isn’t an option now until it gets fixed

[anonymusbosch]

oughhhhh medical system.

#i do not have Medications. i do not have Treatments. but i have Bills. why the Bills but not the Treatments. i called. i emailed. #today i have been in the drs office for 42 minutes waiting to be seen #I haven't been able to fill a narcolepsy med (critical to my ability to exist) since jan 20 #i made 2 phone calls to insurance and 2 to the doctor and 2 to the pharmacy and noooooo drugs for me #gotta call again today #prior auth expired and nobody has fixed this yet or notified me #until i went to the pharmacy in person and asked #when i sprained my wrist and needed a brace the technician forming the brace kept taking his hand off it to text on his apple watch #this only takes 2 minutes dude. please. it can wait #the doctor couldn't show me the results of the mri and called me in for an appointment to tell mw there was nothing wrong. #this could have been a voicemail but instead it took an hour and also cost money #didn't even answer things like 'which tendon is affected' when i asked #also a different doctor misbilled me for an extra $135 and i had to make several emails and four phone calls and it's still not fixed #but they charged the card on file while I had an active dispute of the charge and haven't refunded it #this is just so exhausting! #and i have really good insurance thru work and no life-threatening conditions and i have enough meds stockpiled to last a little longer. #and YET #yet it still makes me want to get crushed in a hydraulic press a little bit #that a med I have used for five years that previously had a multi-year prior auth can just disappear off the face of the earth #and no one warned me #no notification about the prior auth about to expire #no alert that i needed to renew it #I didn't even know they could expire #boy i die. shit boy

[still-not-a-cat]

Hey! Saw your post about nausea and I'm not sure what the cause is so I can't be more specific, but I do have some generic cure alls I use:

Scratch the surface of a lemon/lime and sniff it

Get candied ginger and eat a piece every now and again

If possible, get fenugreek seeds and take a spoonful with warm water (don't chew them, swallow them whole!)

If you're being bothered by digestive issues I'd recommend a spoonful of probiotic yogurt (the unflavoured kind)

Anyway, feel free to ignore this, but these have all helped me in the past, and I thought I'd let you know so you don't have to spend more money than necessary. Hope you feel better soon♡

omg thank you soooooo much 🥹🥹

#the wonderful ordeal of being known #i’m dealing with a fun mix of coeliac damaging my body and RSV congestion getting into my stomach and making me sick #so i’m not 100% sure these will Fix Me #but i’m definitely gonna try #i also have like 6 hours until the meds are ready to pick up

[dragons-and-yellow-roses]

I woke up at a reasonable time (8:45am) went to the coffee shop, got some work done on an important project, then called the psychiatrist office AND the bank. All in less than three hours. Who am I? When did a neurotypical ghost possess me? And can it stay forever?

#a maintenance guy was coming to fix my ceiling this morning between 9 and 11am #i didnt want to be here waiting around for that #it gives me anxiety to have a stranger in my apartment at the same time as me #so i woke up before he got here and went to the coffee shop until 11:15 #then i had coffee in me and i was already on a productive roll #so i called my psychiatrist. because i havent been there in a year. so they wont refill my meds until i book another appointment #fuck my psychiatrist. but i need my meds. and i want to ask her about starting with a therapist #but the earliest appointment i could get was March. so. #then i already had my phone out and had made a call so i decided to call the bank #because my debit card jas been missing for weeks now #and my online banking locked me out #so i had to get all of that straightened out sooner rather than later #first thing she asked when i said i lost my card was 'did you look for it?' #no maam. i looked in my wallet to see my debit card wasnt there and i promptly called you /s #yes i looked for my card before i had to go through the horrors of a phone call #but i should be getting a new card sent soon and i unlocked my online banking and i scheduled a psych appointment #damn. the maintenance guy should come more often. it made me do shit #im also doing all of this on about four hours of sleep #and im lucky i got that sleep #took some Vyvanse. last time i took it it kept me up for 28 hours. this time i was able to force myself to sleep at a reasonable time #gonna go take a shower now. isnt that wild. im gonna shower too after all of that