#we hurt each other every time

[burrythelies]

mes toujours et mes encore.

#words #writing #text #she #her #french #quote #relationships #but for who #i don't know #i'm so lost #i'm kinda like this for ages #i want to move on #but i can't #we hurt each other every time #it has to stopped #i am so exhausted #broken heart again and again #for a lifetime #it's gonna be like this for ever ?

[carlyraejepsans]

i unironically block and avoid anyone who interacts with callout posts btw. unless the post contains information about genuine real harm to real people in unequivocal terms, with solid proof and context that cannot be chalked up to misrepresented friendship drama, i go scorched earth on the notes. the amount of potential harassment and harm they can and HAVE caused in the past, especially to minority groups, trans women in particular, is beyond anything that can ever justify their existence. they're a petty, childish—frequently wrong!—thoughtless and cruel way to "spread awareness". grow up.

#so yeah. 99.9% of the time if someone finds out i randomly blocked them it's because of this #every. single. time. i was ever pushed to the point of publically and openly calling out someone's behavior i ended up regretting it #even as i remained 100% in the right. because despite the other person's actions being wrong i found context to their behavior #either because they were hurt before or they had been stalked or they were much younger than i had anticipated #and the issue could've been resolved a hundred times better if we had just dealt with it in private. eye to eye. without making a spectacle #and without causing unnecessary harm and stress to each other

[wispforever]

possess

#naruto #kakuhida #hidakaku #hidan #kakuzu #every time i color something i say i'll never color again and every time i wade through an ocean of suffering to get here #coloring my beloathed #anywho something something they both are protective and possessive of one another #and they show it in semi aggressive ways to keep the themselves safe from all the pain that comes from getting overtly close to someone #but they both know how the other loves #relies on #and worries about them #something something they're immortal but they want a death in each other #if I have to die let it be you who kills me #romantic homicide #instead of saying I love you lets fight and hurt each other inthe ways we've given each other permission to #this is how we show our love #I'm normal #this is a normal blog #cw choking

[jemmo]

i finally got the time to watch love is better the second time around and im not at all shocked that im obsessed with the adult second chance at love jbl - have you met me.

but it also needs to be known that shiraishi is my beloved, the actor plays this role so perfectly and i want my bitchy sad gay to find true love

#love is better the second time around #also i adore the mains a whole fucking lot #iwagawa is the perfect mix of pathetic and desperate veiled in cocky and sophisticated #and miyata’s character is just a gem like the way he has transformed from his younger self is so refreshing to see #like this is a kid that was so pure and sweet and open and when he believed that all got trampled on he didn’t let it go to the extreme of #becoming hard and emotionless instead he really has just matured into an adult that actually cares for and values himself #like that hurt made him feel worthless but now he knows he isn’t worthless #like he internalised it through the way he protects himself from others but he does it both to not feel that hurt again but also bc he #thinks well of himself and i just adore the fact we get to see a timid kid grow into someone with self-respect it’s so cool and refreshing #and even when it comes at his detriment bc he won’t let himself believe iwagawa is being honest or that he’s ever been - that it’s all just #a joke or teasing or whatever it’s not frustrating bc you both get where it comes from but also feel like you can support him pushing him #away bc he does it for himself and for the person he’s become #so like… to watch a show where you’re both deeply rooting for the couple but also support when they push each other away… idk how they did #it but they did. the premise is simple and the show is simple but every moment and interaction is electric and thrilling and that’s the kind #of show i love. one that can convey how seemingly interactions are full of tension and stakes for these people. it’s so hard to convey that #but this show nails it and i just can’t get enough now.

[buckttommy]

married firstprince au set 10ish years in the future where alex is a victim of an assassination attempt while him and henry are apart and the absolutely heartstopping, bone crushing fear when henry gets the call........ bonus points if they were in the middle of a fight at the time............. hold on. i'm throwing up on myself....

#GOD. Everyone shut up okay just shut up #Henry just doing his thing minding his business #fighting the everlooming stress of the fact that it's been six days since he's seen his husband #and the last time he saw him they were hurling biting words and insults at each other #(something they agreed to never do since they got married) #and he's already not sleeping because he can't sleep without Alex #so he's a bit miserable. #But then Shaan comes to him one morning and he KNOWS #The minute he looks at his face he feels his heart fucking drop down to his stomach #and he's just like 'tell me he's not dead. tell me' #and Shaan is like 'he's not but it's bad. We need to go' #So the whole flight Henry's just sat there torturing himself over every horrible word he's ever said to ALEX #of all people. It's stupid. The whole fight was stupid and none of it matters because the love of his life might be fucking #dead by the time he gets to the hospital. Anyways. Alex is in surgery again when he gets there #and he has to wait another EIGHT hours just for a doctor to come out and tell him Alex is fine it was touch and go for a minute there #but he really doesn't hear anything beyond 'Alex is fine.' #Anyways when Henry sees his husband he crawls into bed beside him (careful not to hurt him of course) and just holds him #(and cries softly because he's just had the worst twenty-four hours of his life) #and he's still holding him when Alex wakes up and the first words out of his mouth are 'hey baby' and that's when Henry really loses it #Alex drifts back off to sleep (not without mumbling a sleepy apology and an I love you) #but when he wakes up #they talk and Alex is just like 'I was so fucking scared I would hurt you the way your dad did' and Henry is like #'what do you mean sweetheart?' and Alex is like 'i don't want you to know the pain of losing me i don't want to do that to you' #which nearly sends them BOTH over the edge and it's all very tender and sweet. #Anyways then they make out and fall asleep together in the hospital bed #and it's the best sleep Henry has had in days. #the end #future wips #fandom: rwrb

[elegyofthemoon]

well. i finished ch 17 of hi3. but at what cost

#avil plays hi3 #tbf majority of me playing through hi3 just looks like This. #yes the acheron trailer made me get up and finish ch 17 #i. :( #the fight between kiana and mei was so painful :( #ok also i suck ass in the combat and i was so scared of having to restart #BUT I THINK I HURT MORE THE FACT THAT KIANA JUST REFUSED TO GIVE UP ON MEI #BUT MEIS ALSO DOING THIS BECAUSE SHES TRYING TO SAVE KIANA #AND THEY WERE BOTH FIGHTING TO STOP AND TRY TO SAVE EACH OTHER #MEI YOU SAVED KIANA BUT LIKE..... DONT YOU WANT TO LIVE ALONGSIDE HER.... MEI PLEASE #tbh. the way i was going through ch 17 for hi3. #kiana and mei remind me a lot of oz and gil's relationship back in pandora hearts but #now it makes me want to hit my head on a brick wall because #'wow. i really just gravitate tO THE SAME FUCKING MEDIA EVERY DAMN TIME AVIL STOP IT FFS' #also idk i was thinking about it too #mei tried earlier to use the herrschers powers to try and protect kiana but it wasnt enough. she failed that time #and with no other option to save her she just HAD to and it makes me HURT that this was her only option #IN HER HEAD. I BELIEVE IN YOU MEI I THINK THERE COULDVE BEEN ANOTHER OPTION HERE (IDK WHAT BUT I AM SOBBING) #sprawls on the ground #at least i can have an emotional break for a little bit.... hsr update so i can chill w that #and then when i finish catching up w that. then i go back to being hi3's punching bag #can i get off this train now? why'd i sign myself up for this (welt yang doomed me and then i got fucked over by everything else) #idk also the way that both mei AND kiana resorted to using their herrscher powers to stop the other. two stubborn people.... #but its done because they just... they just care so much and want to save the other #okay yeah we did beat each other up about it bUT STILL #MEI I BELIEVE IN YOU YOU CAN TURN THIS AROUND 😭😭😭😭😭 #anyways. glad i did. i have the worst stomach ache rn so i was Going through it #but my brain hit a reset so i feel normal now. save for the crying

[faggyangel]

is no one gonna talk about how ed knows izzy by the smell of his rotting flesh

#like he's CRAZY crazy #he's in love with izzy but not in a romantic relationship kind of way in a i need him under at all times and with me every second of the da #and i want to kill him but if he died i'd kill myself i loved him the best i could i hated his guts i want to eat him he makes me worse #but i don't know what i'd do without him he knows me better than anyone except one person who i love too but hurt me so all i have is him #but he's pulling away too so fine fuck it i'll kill him i'll make him bleed and hurt the way i bleed and hurt #i love him like the dog at my feet and the knife in my belt but i hate the way he bites and stabs im going crazzyyyyyyy over here #ofmd #edizzy nation we won we did it we won #i neeeeeeed them to kill each other its the only way #thats my stance on the stupid fucking ed+izzy discourse they need to eat each other that's the closest to love they'll ever get #our flag means death

[eccentricextrovert]

jason grace should’ve been given more connections at camp jupiter

give me jason who was half raised by older legionnaires and spends half of his weekends visiting these twenty something year olds who have known him and loved him since he was a toddler and who are just a few years out of university themselves but who have watched him grow up and love him like a younger brother

give me jason who had friends that he quested with that desperately missed him when he vanished, fifth cohort members who talked about their leader and their friend and how all they wanted was his safety and who could barely put their heart into war games not because they’d lose without him but because they can’t remember the last time they’d gone onto the battlefield without him wishing them luck

give me jason who was desperately close with reyna to the point where it was almost codependence, who ran camp jupiter at her side yet could be a child when they were alone even through the mountains of responsibility and paperwork

give me the jason that hazel talks about, the jason that welcomed her to camp and fiercely defended her against every judgement, ignoring every opinion towards her but his own and introducing her to this new word with a gentle, even voice

#I go into this in my Jason essay #but I just have a lot of feelings about Jason Grace #and how he MUST have been loved #and it was a crime not to show that #you don’t spend your entire life being just a comrade #someone cares about you #the way the Romans talk about his influence makes it clear he muST have been cared about #yet we never see it first hand except through reyna #jason grace #heroes of olympus #pjo #hoo #also I don’t even go into my feelings in the essay #about Jason and Leo + Piper #bc it hurts that they were all forced together #yet piper hates every time he acts like himself and not the person she was forced to think he was #and Leo always feels betrayed that he was given a best friend and it turned out not to be real #and while Leo and Jason grow to care for each other actually #there’s a lot of obligation there #and it HURTS #I’m on my Jason Grace shit okay

[spotsupstuff]

I feel so bad for zephyr, what are some of her happiest memories? Would it be first meeting the members of her local group? I assume they would be built after her, was she excited about them being built or was she not informed at all?

she wouldn't be very... Present. most likely hadn't managed to be there for every Iterator when they first came online. she is very removed from most of her group because she's unable to stick in the chats for too long with all the damage and her endless attempts to conserve herself as much as possible, so her interactions with others outside of the Anemoi (and this one guy called Orion's Pathway) are extremely limited

Boreas, though, ever the life-saver, updates her on any new Iterator projects being build, how are the already existing ones doing- see she is kind of hard to cheer up and as a rule she never really laughs, but oh hearing about successes of others always manages to make her happy. that has been a thing for her since day one!

so Boreas would make a list of the Eo group's achievements with Euros and Orion's help and he'd read them out for her during their routine calls. those calls are probably one of her happiest memories, since she got so much serotonin and motivation out of hearing about her family (n also just in general- their start might've been rocky but Zeph n B really really love each other [platonically ofc])

they might not Know her, only be aware that their senior is called Abet Zephyr and her appearances are strangely rare, but she loves them all. if she hadn't, it wouldn't be called Mission Self-preservation. it'd be way more revenge focused. her number one priority is the safety of her family even if she doesn't know them personally. she puts them above her anger, physical and emotional trauma cuz she just fuckin loves them that much

her other happy memories include some stuff with Sparrows! after Zephyr allows her opinion about the Ancients develop, she finds herself glad whenever Sparrows would show up to do some more repairs and spend some time with the old humidifier. jgklsdmclk just like with a grandma, Sparrows would show her some stuff on her phone/Mechanic's watch and Zeph would be confused about it but she gets to spend the time with someone she likes so it's okay

along with Euros on a call the three of them would sing folk songs from Sparrows' home with Boreas usually listening in, very rarely joining in

Zephyr wasn't given overseers until Sparrows showed up for the first time, too, so when she synced with the eyes and took a peak outside for the first time in her life, that was... that stuck with her as a strong memory, too. can't exactly say it was a Happy memory, but only cuz there was so much happening in her emotionally in that moment that simplifying it to a singular one wouldn't really represent it right

here's her lighting up while Boreas tells her about positive recent events of the group

her antennas are broken- that's why they are always down like that- but Dammit she is Happy we Gotta wiggle 'em at least a wee bit

#Spot says stuff #rw #oc tag #oc: abet zephyr #Sparrows kinda sucks with the organical aspects of the iterators but she did her best to fix up Zephyrs spine too! #so having That portion of the pains elevated at least a little was also a great moment for her. it still sometimes give up n stops working- #-n it hurts again but thanks to that effort from Sparru its at least not a constant thing anymore #every time i think about off the string au with the eo group i think about boreas n zephyr finding each other and then boreas helps her get #-to everyone else to an agreed upon meeting point and then all the Anemoi see each other and euros notos n haboob then run at them and- #-hug the two fiercely.. and zephyr Actually starts laughing and doing her best to hug them all back- shes all clumsy about it but trying- #-So hard. and then she puts her hands on euros' shoulders and fully excited tells him 'euros- oh-! now that we are here free like this you- #-really have to teach me how to dance and play! you know..? just like Sparrows and her family used to!" #and for a second he pauses cuz oh that Hurts to remember they are gone but then he puts a hand over one of hers and with a little shaky- #-voice- but Warm so happy- he tells her ''y-yeah.. yeah of course i will- gods... i cant believe you still remember them.....' n he hangs- #-his head n all that... and zeph smiles n presses her forehead against his head n whispers to him 'of course i do. they were family.'

[8rujaa]

to anyone dealing with ptsd, has there been anything that has helped relieve some of the symptoms?

#im emotionally stuck due to the constant reliving of what happened #i get these weirdly intense flashbacks where i can remember the how the fabric of the couch looked like up close #and how they felt. and how everything looked. the way the colored lights hit the room a certain way #i think i did myself a disservice by thinking i was soooo in love that i didn’t want to forget any details lmao #now i can remember everything like a photograph and sometimes i find myself back in my old apartment and the fear floods my chest #and i can’t breathe and my stomach starts turning it’s terrible. i really felt like i was in hell #i stopped smoking ouid 3 weeks ago bc whenever these flashbacks would happen the high would make them HD and it would send me into a loop #but now i think weed was the thing keeping me above water… it’s been a rough 3 weeks. but before i start smoking again #i wanted to ask if anyone found something else that made it a little easier #it’s been months since our break up and i really want to move on. i’ve tried to meet other people but i’m terrified of men #and i find myself unable to connect with anyone… #i’ve been physically better which i am so grateful for because being unhealthy was my biggest reason i was so depressed #i’ve been doing therapy but i talk about the same thing with her every week. i’m tired of it #i think i’m still in disbelief that they did that to me. i never thought they’d be capable of hurting someone so badly. #i can’t get over the fact that he r***** me for months while i was disabled and pretended not to know what he was doing was bad #i realized he knew when he tried to make it look like i was crazy. that made me really sad. i think i was hoping he was clueless so #i could still believe he was a good person… or at least the man i fell in love with. i was willing to forgive him once he apologized… #when he tried to make it seem like i was going insane the blindfold came off and i saw him for who he really was #like no wonder i was so scared of u dude… no wonder i kept having panic attacks anytime we were together and i couldn’t sleep next to u #i’ve been afraid to admit that shit broke me as a person. i don’t think i’ll ever be the same. i can’t function. #plus knowing i stayed for her bc i was worried for her and didn’t want her to experience the same thing without someone there bc i realized #how good he was at gaslighting and lying. only to find out she was waiting for an excuse to get rid of me… she wanted me gone… #i went thru all that for nothing… #and i still don’t understand why each time i tried to leave for my own good- to get medical help and support they begged me to stay!!! why #brain vomit

[hella1975]

choked up in my room rn bc i was sat in the car with my mum completely lost in thought and she out of nowhere went 'are you okay?' and i was like 'yeah? why?' bc i was totally fine i was literally just thinking and she let it go and then five entire minutes later she goes 'are you sure? have i done something?' and she sounded so genuinely anxious and i could tell she'd been thinking about it the entire 5 minutes while id been completely oblivious and i spent so many years as a child letting everything bottle up until it all burst out in a messy and ugly breakdown that took her down with me and despite that she never hated me she only ever blamed herself for not seeing the signs and she's never been able to see my signs because i keep everything to myself and it terrifies her that she might miss something and she handles things poorly when she's scared and she gets too angry but fundamentally she's trying her absolute hardest to be a good mother and it wasn't always enough and i know i have to hold her at least partially accountable but also she's my mum and im her daughter and she always just wants to know if im okay and most of the time im not and somehow that feels like ive betrayed her

#like my mum is such a loud powerful force of a woman that these little moments of vulnerability where she's just HONEST with me #and she shows me that she's worried or scared or unsure instead of just constantly putting up a strong front #always always bowl me over #like ive literally said to her time and time again that i'd find it easier to communicate with her if she wasn't so strong all the time #like of course i hate crying and being emotional in front of you when youve made it v clear my whole life that you hate doing that #when it's you that's the one being emotional like that's not fair #but also being strong all the time is literally a survival thing she had no choice but to implement bc her own life was so hard #so how can i just ask her to lower those walls for me? even if keeping them up is to both our detriment? #and like ive talked on here before how she's openly admitted to me that she finds my temper harder to handle than my sister's #even tho mine is quieter and significantly less messy. but she's also said to me that in general she finds my sister easier to deal with #bc my sister's so open and if she's angry she yells if she's sad she cries if she's happy she talks ur ear off etc etc #i just insist on handling everything myself and the worse i feel the more i deal on my own and it TERRIFIES my mum #BECAUSE it's led to mistakes in the past but also just bc i have never ever doubted that she has so much love for me in her heart #like even when our relationship was at its worst it was never ever a lack of love and she just does genuinely care and worry about me #it's just if she's scared she just gets ANGRY and her angry means her hurting my feelings and my feelings being hurt means i shut down MORE #and it's literally the worst combo but we love each other so much that we're both clawing through it anyway it makes me want to cry #and because she's always so strong i FORGET that there's just a scared vulnerable person behind those walls #that has no idea what she's doing bc her own mum never taught her anything good #and my mum blames herself so completely for every bad thing like she says things like 'i feel like ive failed' and idk how to tell her #that she IS messy and incredibly flawed and she HAS done things that have hurt me beyond comprehension #and there are bad parts of my personality that exist because of her and her alone #but ive also done terrible things to her too like not even considering the fact our responses arent compatible and that hurts her #i also did some DUMB shit when i first started tackling ye olde mental illness that had a HUGELY negative impact on everyone around me #but she is still my favourite person in the world and my best friend and i love her and i know she loves me and i just want to hold her #girls when their mum isnt an all powerful being but instead a flawed human trying their best: SKJDGHKDJSHGJKSDHGJKSH #hella goes home

[sovamurka]

I... I made these for the playlist and then just forgot to use them... WHY???

#I mean. I'm happy with the ones I used but??? hello??? I had those ready EXACTLY for that and didn't use them??? #don't tell me I have to make a third bayana playlist... T-T #well... definitely making a post of them looking at each other like in the second picture. #I forget how hurt Yana looks in it. she's speechless but her eyes tell EVERYTHING she feels about him and what he's doing for her. #she doesn't want to lose him. she doesn't want to be separated from him. she doesn't want to exist without him. #(it's especially heartbreaking and revealing when we know how much she told herself otherwise) #she fucking REACHES for his hands as he lets hers go. as the world literally CRUMBLES around them. #as someone who irl hates codependency I sure enjoy when fictional characters have such a huge amount of codep that Balor and Yana do. #anyway... #bubble comics #demonslayer #бесобой #balor and yana #and don't even get me started on Dreamcatcher. that small exploration of Yana's trauma still gets me every time.

[binnie]

you guys.... i'm going down a spiral and I need advice

#my best friend (my favourite person in the world) has been acting kinda distant lately #she's been struggling with depression so I figured she just needed some space #we still talk on instagram every day and send each other reels all the time #but lately I just feel like she's gonna abandon me... #she's growing up and has a job and a boyfriend and is doing well for herself #meanwhile i'm a failure lmao i flunked twice and am still in uni and barely surviving this school year with absoltely no (...) #(...) prospects and hope for the future. on top of that i'm a depedent clingy selfish useless jealous baby #she deserves better than me and she's bound to realize that so i'm not surprised this is happening. but it still hurts. #last night she sent me a message on ig saying she missed me but deleted it immediatly so i didn't have time to respond #which most likely means she meant to send it someone else and sent it to me by mistake #which means she doesn't miss me at all (she could have just kept the message and it'd be no trouble #but the fact she deleted it so quickly without a second thought just means she doesn't care about me #we haven't seen each other in a month so that hurts #i panicked and “replied” saying i missed her too but she left me on read #now she's sending me reels but I can't bring myself to even open our chat because it just hurts #I wish we could just cut the chord and end the friendship at once instead of having me slowly watch it crumble #i hate this #i'm so sad #i'm gonna be all alone #i'm completely isolated from everyone and it's my fault for depending on her so much #it hurts so much I don't even want to see her #i don't know what to do

[arrowpunk]

I'm still so baffled by the time this one person messaged my wife to say something along the lines of "Okay but it's metagaming if my PC actually cares about your PCs wellbeing." (This is after being in a consistent campaign together for like 2 years) Because I had been trying so hard to get this person to understand why they majorly sucked to play DnD with because they wouldn't put in the effort to care about anyone else or their characters.

And it was just like... Way to prove my point SO hard it's not even funny.

It's been over a year now since that comment and nearly a year since we've spoken to that person so it is actually really funny now. Like looking back on how absolutely stupid that whole thing was.

#ramblings of an arrow #that entire stupid drama was me trying my hardest to politely explain to someone that she needed to care about other people #in the most basic terms possible #and then her screaming at me for hurting her feelings because I asked her to please try to be kind and give a damn about other people #and then she turned around and accused me of emotional abuse to a chunk of my friends #which was super shitty to deal with #everyone who has actually seen the whole of what we said to each other during that time took my side #because like.... dude I tried so hard to be as polite and nice about the whole thing up until the end #and she just kept going nuclear every time I would say something like “hey have you considered not treating me and my wife and my friends #like shit?“ #anyways the nice thing about 2024 is that she no longer exists in my life #and now I can kind of just laugh about how stupid that whole thing was

[chaotictomtom]

omg....finished making my last sketchbook to digital like ive finished to put the entire pdf together.....omg...im finally done.....i have 7 more to go but. at least the others are like as a bundle. this one as it is the most recent one and has okay drawings in it i felt like selling it on its own. and. ill be able to put it on my ko-fi shop tomorrow let's goooo

#it'll be a pay what you want/can price #but might start at 5€ as ive put. many many many many many hours into the scanning every sketchbooks + going through the files separating #each drawings. step i haven't even finished. then doing every pages with like the summary title pages etc etc etc #and i couldn't even count the amount of time ive spent on the actual sketchbook so' #i think this might deserve a few bucks </3 5€ is still selling myself short but im kinda desperate and broke #being broke i also get ppl not being able to afford pricey things too #i know this is probably hurtful to the “Artist Economy Value™” or some shit but. shit's hard 💀 sold only 2 zines and one being from my bff #so. i need it #now that i have a Child to feed (cat that we saved) #da beybey..... da beybey needs food #anyway either way i feel like loosing as if i put the price as i should i feel guilty for ppl who can't afford it #and on the other hand i feel guilty of participating on the whole thing abt artist being underpaid #each way! a big ass L! + no one buys my shit anyway why am i stressing out abt this smh #tomtom_is_rambling