#well apparently nobody told her that she was oppressed

[fictionadventurer]

✒️

#ok sorry but i still can't get over that family history story #been thinking about it all day #during apples to apples the words 'stunning' and 'fast' came up #and my brother joked 'our great-great-grandmother apparently' #and he's not wrong #from her pov the story's even wilder #she really just saw what she wanted and took her shot #knew him for three days #and then *she* proposed to *him* #during what was apparently their first private conversation *ever* #and it worked! #if you put that in historical fiction about the 1880s people would call it unrealistic #talking about the restrictions on women or whatever #well apparently nobody told her that she was oppressed #she was too busy seizing the life she wanted

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for almost killing my 8th grade english teacher? (warning: racism, sa mention)

I (M16, 14 at the time, white (this is important later)) was part of the newspaper in middle school. The teacher running the newspaper (F… 50? 60? i have no idea) was always really nice to me, and we got along really well. I was ecstatic to see that she would be my english teacher in 8th grade.

That is, until the class actually began.

This english class we mostly read books about oppression and historical atrocities and genocide because our history class wouldn’t cover that for some reason (the reason is racism). It seemed like this teacher would have done a good job of teaching this material, but well. you can see where this is going.

a week into the school year the whole class saw that she was pretty racist - not like overtly racist; she sort of said she cared about fighting oppression and then… was a part of that oppression. like she’d say “i could never be racist” and then she would be racist. it’s hard to explain. she would always be incredibly weird about disciplining the Black kids in the class, blaming one guy in particular for like. every time a guy in the class acted like and eighth grade boy would act. she was also really condescending to him; she’d constantly make comments about how he couldn’t follow rules (which obviously isn’t true). she did this to an extent to all the other Black kids in the class as well; later when some of them went to the principal to talk about what happened they said they didn’t feel safe in her class.

additionally, pretty much nobody even stood for the pledge of allegiance (we were usually busy reading cause the library in that school was really nice and had a really good collection of books), and when they did they’d never actually say it. this teacher had a problem with this, and every time she saw absolutely nobody in the class standing for the pledge of allegiance, she’d make the entire homeroom (oh yeah i was in her homeroom too, forgot to mention that) tell her why they didn’t for literally the entire class period. Every time someone mentioned systemic racism or racist history she’d butt in either saying “my parents were immigrants and they stood for the pledge” or she’d start talking about her gay son. some kids told stories of being called slurs when they were younger. some kids cried. she would always bring up her gay son as a rebuttal. and i get that being gay is hard, i’m gay myself, but that is not in any way applicable to the situation at hand here. This happened on three separate occasions - sometimes a single person would stand for the pledge just so there was at least one person doing it and so we wouldn’t have to have that conversation.

And then there was the actual teaching. oh boy. so, as i said before, almost all of our books in this class were about some sort of historical atrocity because the history class didn’t have time for it apparently. and uh. uhhhhhhh yeah. with this teacher it was not a good experience.

We had read books about racism for summer reading and we were reading the novel Chains at the beginning of the school year, and the teacher would always talk about how “resilient” the characters in the books were and how they made the best of their situations and fought back, but never about how these characters should have never had to be in these situations in the first place and WHO PUT THEM IN THESE SITUATIONS, WHAT SYSTEMS PUT THEM IN THESE SITUATIONS YOU KNOW THE KIND OF STUFF ONE WOULD NEED TO KNOW FROM A COURSE LIKE THIS TO MAKE SURE HISTORY DOESNT REPEAT ITSELF. Later in the year we read Warriors Don’t Cry and it went exactly how you’d expect. “Resiliency”. Also worse than you’d expect. The teacher victim blamed the author, a real ass person writing about real fucking events, for almost being assaulted at a young age. And though we focused more on the systems of oppression, thankfully, we also watched and interview with the little rock nine and some of the people who harassed them in school, and one of them, a white woman, said the n word and refused to apologize. and this teacher defended her???? On another occasion we had a lesson about feminism and we read some of Sojourner Truth’s writing, and she interpreted it as solely being about womanhood and not race - and when I tried to talk about how race is an important factor in the message of one of the speeches, the teacher called my parents. We also read books about the holocaust and this teacher was surprisingly respectful throughout the whole thing. No victim blaming, no talk of resilience, nothing.

I had talked to her about all of this before. We knew each other from the newspaper, and it even seemed like I was her favorite student. She would not budge. Sometimes she even made the argument that I was smarter than the other kids, that I cared more than the other kids, that I would notice these things and care about them but other kids wouldn’t and I should just shut up because nobody understands me because i’m just so smart. which made me fucking pissed. i don’t care any more than the other kids who told you stories of being harassed and ridiculed at 8:30 am on a weekday so that the whole class could excercise their freedom of speech. i’m not any smarter than the other kids who cited countless examples of the atrocities this country committed against people of color to you who you didn’t listen to. in fact, i’m not even that smart. i’d say i’m kind of an idiot. and i want to be an idiot, because then i’m not put on a pedestal to push other people down.

This happened two years ago so i don’t exactly remember the order in which these next three events happened.

Since during these talks sometimes i’d start to cry, in may my french teacher asked me if i wanted to transfer to her homeroom and i did. It was a lot better there.

Around this time about eight of the kids from my old homeroom went to the principal to talk about this teacher and how her class made them feel unsafe.

Anyway, my backpack is very heavy. I usually have a lot of books in there, until this year I used five subject notebooks, I never clean out my folders and I brought a laptop as well. Even with all this though, my backpack always ends up being heavier than I expected.

So, one day my anger toward this teacher boiled over. On my way out of english class, when she went to say goodbye to me, I shoved her to the side with my backpack. It turns out that broke her hip, and she was out of school for two weeks. When she came back she said she had almost died in the hospital. She also announced her retirement, and that she was going to go and “end racism”, ironically. She knew I was the one who hit her, but she didn’t say anything about that. I was still her favorite, apparently. It left a bad taste in my mouth that she still thought of me like this. Eventually I graduated from that school and I haven’t seen her since.

tldr: A teacher of mine was racist and making a lot of the kids in the class feel unsafe, and she tried to keep me from arguing with her about it, so I hit her with my backpack and broke her hip, almost killing her.

AITA???

What are these acronyms?

#aita #am i the asshole

[the-firebird69]

Watch "CMT's Orange County Choppers | Paul Sr.'s Muscle Cars & Furry Friends" on YouTube

I'm trying to talk and I'm saying this Brian f***** up really bad the foreigners are f****** up a little the computers are up there to get Max to do stuff they might be getting messed up we might not win but they're going to Total us first and the reason they might not win is that Daddy had a brain transplant it's done by being a g h w b and he did it and he switched out with a nephilim and it's to get them up there and to blame them and it all started because Max said something to him because of bja

Trump

Wonder why I was saying that and it goes back to Trump and it goes to Randall Texas to John c Reilly the foreigners and it's really Max fault because of 9/11

Zues Hera

Where did too much pressure too and you're doing it to him and your nutcase and your max you're not cases and your oppressive and that's why you were running things for so long and you're still doing it and you think that because you're doing it you're going to win it's just like us and English it's a nightmare

Bja

So there's a fly in the system we understand that you're pretty big one. Then we're not so bright to begin with the surgery ruined us it will go back to ghwb it's more like a side effect and him lashing out but it's caused untold damage to our realm and as a whole we have to try and salvage it and I guess that might not happen with us being overbearing ogres to just about everyone so I have to fix the brain to be somewhat seen and I can't access my memory that much either

Mac

I suppose you're right if you screw up your plan completely we won't have a plan and your plan is going down the tubes and your people react by going around trying to control stuff and it's not happening because a lot of your monsters are on the loose and you're not recognizing it. He told me a horrific story that came out again. It's about that mask. Apparently it was the line one of the ghwb clones and I was going to wear their clothes but they all were and it's nasty that's amazing and the Giant died the mask sat there and it was huge cuz it probably absorbs his face and everything else Mrs Chen picked it up they said she's dead and Dead forever some people don't believe it I got a friend here she's just very pissed off and everybody figured out it's George and it's the computer doing it and it absorbed her face she fell over dead and sat in isolation for a while she says it was only a day or two that she knows when she went in and that's not that bad and it's usually 70 or 72 she says little warm that she's on preservatives and juiced up pretty good I never was saying she died she didn't and she took a little beating so she's giving it back and mostly it sees idiots of hers and they're going to be out but it's a gross story I've never heard a story that's worse than that now I got better cuz she's arrived but it's like falling into one of his traps or going to one of his houses and everyone's chicken s*** to do it and he keeps saying that he's a menace he's doing the stuff and we're going to suffer and that he is decent at it and that they are a race that is not doing that well but can hurt a lot of people and that's what his people to do I guess some of them and he's just sitting here trying not to and we're egging him on constantly it's quite terrible so I'm kind of proud of this video some in control you're saying things that are crazy but true and I found it all to be happening didn't say they make sense because they're small that they would do this but in essence it's very evil because you're leaving computers up there and his people might be able to sneak up there already we have lost a troop of nephilim up there and don't know if they died or if they took over or conquered some computers and took the rest over nobody knows it's like this mystery that's knowing at everyone and we keep bothering him about it so he tries to figure it out and he's put it all out there and says I don't know what the status is there it's up to other people to find out so we're going to try and figure it out I actually looking and found it very relieving to find nephilim where controlled by a computer because it could be Tommy f and we're mobilizing to see where it's coming from and more

Trump

We built a motorcycle like that because we thought the hard rear end would be a throwback but not many people remember it it's like world War I and we had to modify it to be able to ride it and he's right I'm modified one with shocks that are hidden and the right configuration would bring choppers back because it would be fast and it would handle and it doesn't look it so I know which one to use it's the Vincent but I have my own and I'm not going to use that one and he's the one who said the Vincent but really this is the way to make a chopper to make it stealth handle and you don't want to adjustment on there you can get really hurt

Trump

#Youtube

[greenmach1neworks]

Hi there, I just saw your post about Lilith Fairen. Just wanted to let you know, just in case you didn't, that she's also active here on Tumblr as well, so you can block her here too. She has also invalidated me as an autistic person for the same exact reason and I've seen her do it to othrr people too, and she's also invalidated tons of people as queer people and woman, and she's also been violently racist and antisemitic in the fndm since arriving here a year ago (very recently she even used the G slur and has been shrieking about "being harassed" every time someone brings it up or asks her to apologize.) And yes she's also been violently ableist (a few months back one of her most loyal supporters said that Ironwood's prosthetics were good enough that they made him 'able bodied' so he did not count as disabled and then when people pointed out he would die without them he said that made it a 'quality of life' issue and he should just die, and Lilith Fairen defended him hard-core and attacked a bunch of disabled people for "making a big deal out of nothing" and for "pretending someone is ableist to cancel them" because we're apparently all "misogynistic" because ableism only counts to her if it's about someone with a vagina (oh yeah she's also a rabid radfem who constantly attackes bi people, ace people, trans people, and nonbinary people and accuses them of being cishet men lying about their identities so they can cancel rwby for being more progressive than them, or if she does admit that they are queer she calls them the "bad kinds" of queer people and incites hate against them by accusing them of self-internalized bigotry so they can cancel rwby for being more progressive than them, and she uses her status as lesbian to claim Supreme queerness and attack people she considers "less queer" or "less female" than her. She also jumps onto every single post about any issue anyone has with rooster teeths bigotry and randomly tries to turn it into a genitals thing, like when there was a post about how racist it is that one of the only dark-skinned main characters (oscar) was brutally tortured onscreen and the DVD commentary had the white creators being VERY excited and gleeful about it, when the camera has to cut away whenever a white character gets hurt, Lilith showed up screaming that everybody was "misogynistic" because I guess she thinks that torturing characters of color is okay as long as they have a penis. Thats also her favorite excuse whenever anyone talks about the blatant and horrifying ableism in ironwoods fall. Nobody can say a single solitary thing about how ableist it is to turn a triple amputee into a villain and blame it on their ptsd and give them a scary grimm prosthetic and make them use that prosthetic to do their evil crimes and and give them a "hyperfixation" semblance that makes it "easier for them to be evil" and say out loud in the dvd commentary that losing a limb is symbolic of losing humanity, without Lilith Fairen showing up to shriek that he has a penis so that means it's "misogynistic" to criticize the able-bodied cishet white men who wrote the story that way

She's been harassing and abusing rwde posters here on Tumblr since at least September, and has stated multiple times that every single person who says so much as a stray negative word about Rooster Teeth is a "misogynistic homophobe" and that we're just "making up lies" because we "hate rwby for being progressive" and we want to "cancel uwu rooster teeth," and yes she has included Calxiyn and Murder of Birds in that group lmao despite them famously being some of the shows biggest fans, and she specifically accused Murder of Birds of "not understanding oppression" because he said that Rooster Teeth should have told the people who bought digital tickets to RTX that they decided to cancel digital tickets, and asked if they would be refunded, and I guess she thinks that makes him misogynistic.

Oh and idk if you know who canonseeker is, but he and Lilith were really buddy-buddy for awhile and she defended him hard-core despite (or maybe because of) his violent antisemitism, but now she pretends she barely ever interacted with him idk what the last straw was lol but yeah. Oh and she goes on constant deleting sprees after each REALLY bad scandal, to make sure nobody has solid proof of her actions, like she had a side blog that was openly and braggingly themed around cyberstalking and harassing rwde posters who had blocked her, but she deleted it because of all the antisemitism on it, and then she also went through a month or so ago and deleted every single post she had ever made on her main account and started over with a "clean" slate after all the ableism stuff I mentioned (she also claims now that she barely interacted with her buddy that she hard-core defended in that situation too.) I've been told that deleting her accounts is something she's been doing for years, long before she came to rwby, for this exact reason.

Because yeah apparently she does this to all her fandoms, and when she first showed up here, she came with tons of warnings from people who knew her from other things. She's obsessed with hating Madoka Magica and she viciously attacks people over it all the time (even if they had never seen or heard of it before) and she's been banned from a ton of magical girl subreddits because of it. And when she first came to the rwby fndm, she constantly posted boastfully about how she at the time had never even watched rwby, but said that she googled it so I guess that made her think she was the Supreme authority on it, and she also openly bragged that she had come to rwby because she found out that somebody she hates over magical girl reasons happened to also be critical of rwby so she decided to punish everybody who is critical of rwby as a result (which is why she's so hypocritical in that she will say something like "it is not wrong to criticize media created by cishet men" about madoka magica but then start screaming that everybody is "misogynist" if they criticize media created by cishet men if it's rwby.) She has also openly bragged that she intentionally attacks rwde posters because she craves the attention she gets, both from rwde posters who respond to her attacks, and from her radfem followers that applaud her for it, and she also has a habit of whining to her own followers about how mad she is that they don't give any attention to her non-rwby posts and how that's why she does this to begin with, is to get more attention. She does not actually care about rwby, she literally has openly spelled it out a hundred times that she came here to bully people to punish someone she hates because she's obsessed with Madoka and she stays because she found out she gets likes and praise every time she attacks a marginalized viewer in defense of the cishet white men who make the show.

Anyway I recommend you don't actually answer or publish this ask, because even if you DO block her she has unknown sock-puppet accounts and flying monkeys everywhere so that she can evade the numerous blocks people have against her (which she openly brags about doing) and incites hate against every single person who so much as points out that she's harassing them (which is I guess her only definition of 'harassment,' is "saying that lilith fairen harassed you") and I don't want to paint an even bigger target on your back with this ask. Just wanted to warn you that yeah this is a HUGE problem and she will definitely find you and attack you and probably send you a ton of anon hate and she'll screen shot your posts and spread vicious lies about you and make fun of you to her followers and send them to give you anon hate as well. That's basically her entire identity at this point so heads up, it's coming. :/

Thanks I'll keep a heads up.

[flame-shadow]

Leisken the Lonely

[headsup- this one has some minor child abuse and bad parents, although it's implied that they get what they deserve in the end]

---

Things are getting worse.

The butterfly doesn’t talk much, but they listen plenty. Apparently, they’re safe to share secrets around. Is it because nobody would listen to them? Because of their stutter? Or because they’re viewed as less than a bug, less than an actual member of society? They don’t know, and it doesn’t really matter which reason because it’s probably all of those reasons anyway.

They stifle a yawn, waft their wings, and hold them out again for the fancy bugs nearby to view. A late night party with rich food and fermented drinks and plenty of whispers and gossip.

Rumors of sickness. Famine. Disputes. Violent disagreements. Should we leave the City? It’s probably more dangerous beyond. Have you heard if they’re going to close the gates? That would protect us, right?

Leisken fans their wings again. They feel warm. Cautiously, they turn their head to observe more of the room. Is anyone else feeling this heat? It… doesn’t look like it. They must be imagining it. Maybe it’s not having drunk anything in a while. Maybe it’s the discomfort of what they’re hearing. Maybe it’s…

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

Leisken jolts off their stool, falling to an undignified heap. Immediately, they attempt to scramble to their feet, but already Mother is storming over, her skirts and scarves roiling. With a tight grip on their arm, she jerks them up and drags them to the side of the room, away from the nearest cluster of socializing guests.

“What did you do?” she hisses.

“I-I-I j-jj- I just-” Leisken stammers, trying to keep from pulling away.

“What is it this time?”

“Mm-mm.. It’s-s-”

“Weakness is what it is. You’re supposed to be working on that.”

“I c-cann- I’ll d-do bbetter- I’ll j-just-” They turn their head to look at their stool. They’ll sit there if it means-

“No. No no no, you’re done. You ruined it. If I let you go back out there..." She clicks in aggravation. "But I won’t. You don’t deserve that. To your room. Don’t bother any of the servants. Don’t leave until I come for you.”

Their wings droop.

“None of that. Retain your dignity.”

Leisken obediently fixes their wings to an approved angle. They notice Father standing nearby wearing his guests-think-I’m-just-a-little-bored-but-actually-I’m-furious-at-you face. It’s hard to keep their wings from drooping again.

Mother waves her hand. “Go on.”

Stiffly, they turn and walk at a measured pace for the nearest side door. “Sometimes, I don’t know why we keep bothering with you,” Mother says under her breath but still where Leisken can hear. They’re sure they were meant to hear it. They resolve to do better next time. They make this resolution all the time. They’re not sure they’ve actually gotten any better at anything.

They stumble, but they make it to the door and slip out, almost catching the edge of a wing in their haste to put the door between themself and the ballroom. And hopefully that voice.

Miserably, they pass by a servant conveying a tray of food to the guests without interaction.

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

They trip as they whirl around. Again on the floor. They look around a little frantically, but they quickly stay their terror as the servant, an expression of concern, stops to look at them. But they’re not supposed to interact! Leisken pushes themself to their feet and shuffles quickly away. To their room. It’s nothing special. But they can almost be alone here. Almost be safe. That’s what they pretend, anyway. It helps. A little bit. Maybe.

But they’re still warm. Uncomfortably so. It’s never warm in here.

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

Where is that voice coming from?! Nobody should be in here with them! Tremulously, they speak: “H-hello..?”

No answer.

“Pl-please… I n-n-need to- I ddon’t want to k-k-k-k…”

YOU DON’T HAVE TO WANT TO.

They breathe shakily.

ARE YOU HAPPY HERE?

Automatically, they nod, even though they’re not sure what happy feels like. They’re not supposed to reveal their discomfort, much less their misery.

Silence. Warm silence. Hot silence. Oppressive silence.

Leisken stands stiffly and waits.

A gust of cool air washes over them along with Father’s voice: “You missed the servant’s knock summoning you to breakfast. Surely, you aren’t still trying to-- Oh?”

Leisken blinks and stiffly turns to see Father standing in the doorway.

“Practicing your form? Maybe you’re finally learning. Well. Come along, it’s time for lunch.”

Weakly, Leisken follows.

----

Things carry on as they did before.

Except not really.

All those things that Leisken had heard rumors about? They are becoming more than rumors. People are getting hungry and hurt and scared. Leisken is too, but they do their best not to show it. And when they feel the heat, they expect the voice to follow. They do their best not to show a reaction to either of those.

They’re losing it. They know that. They’ve long suspected, but these are… These are hallucinations. Or something. Right? Not real. Nobody else feels the heat. Nobody else reacts to the voice. … unless everyone else is hiding their reactions too?

One day, they notice that one of their antennae aches. It’s not much, but they swear it feel hot even when the rest of their body isn’t experiencing that sensation.

“Leisken. Stay focused.”

“R-right.” they mumble, adjusting their posture.

“Honestly, it’s like you’re trying to irritate me. …I’m waiting.”

They do a quick check of themself, but everything feels positioned how she’d want it to be.

“Your antenna.”

“M-my..?” They thought they were holding them both in the same way, at the proper angle and curve. Hesitantly, they reach up to feel them. The one that always feels warm now is stiffer except for toward the end. The club part feels hotter than the rest. And heavier?

“Something the matter?”

“Mmgh.. I d-d-don’t--”

“Forget I asked,” Mother scoffs in an offended tone as she turns away.

Leisken suppresses a wince as they try to coax the stubborn antenna into an acceptable shape.

---

“Why didn’t you say anything to us about this?”

“I d-d-didn’t-t-thin-nk th--”

“You need to tell us about things like this. You understand that, right? We need you to look your best, and this? This isn’t it.” Mother holds the antenna none too gently, but Leisken can barely feel her fingers over the heat. The swollen clubbed ending throbs painfully. “This won’t do. You can’t attend the party like this. People will ask questions.”

“O-oh…” Not have to attend a party..? That’s.. That’s..! But, they shouldn’t get their hopes up. And besides, the antenna is still...

Mother snaps her fingers toward another bug. “Come here. Take them to get this fixed. If it needs to be amputated, get a prosthetic. Asymmetrical antennae are not what people want to see.”

The servant bows and takes a step nearer Leisken who doesn’t want anything amputated, but… What can they do?

---

“We’ve already had the servants stock it and move enough of our things over. We’ll go there soon enough. ...Leisken, stop playing with that. You’ll just mess it up, and with businesses closing their doors, who knows if we’d be able to get you a replacement.”

Leisken lowers their hand. They’re not used to having the prosthetic antenna. They think they look fine without it. And there are no bugs to show off to right now. Everyone here knows. And it’s not like they’re symmetrical anywhere else.

Besides, the antenna still aches, still feels warm. But that swollen bit on the end... it’s good that was removed. The orange that oozed out startled the surgeon, but the servant assured Leisken that everything would be fine. Their parents wouldn’t learn about this.

They’re soon told to pack up and be prepared to leave. But once they’re in their room, they just sit on the hard bed. What’s there to pack up? Nothing. Their room is decorated with items that other bugs have picked out for them. They don’t care to take anything with them.

They sigh and wonder when they’ll hear the voice again.

---

But it’s not until they’re in the vault, safe and secure as the City falls apart outside, that the voice deigns to talk to them again.

DO THEY REALLY THINK THEY’RE SAFE HERE?

Leisken’s breath catches.

DO THEY THINK I CAN’T REACH THEM HERE?

They close their eyes and hug their arms to their body.

“Leisken,” calls Father sharply from across the room. He’s making that face again. “It’s only been a couple weeks. You’d better keep it together.”

They nod and try to relax their body. They’re hot, but they know it’s not because of their clothes. Nor the stuffy vault they’re trapped in. Nor the constant judgmental presence of their guardians.

YOU COULD KILL THEM, YOU KNOW.

They don’t want to-

IMAGINE! NO NAGGING, NO PRESSURE TO BE PERFECT AND PRESENTABLE!

They don’t-

YOU’D FINALLY BE FREE TO DO WHATEVER YOU WANT TO DO!

They-

YOU WANT THIS.

They do.

THAT’S RIGHT. YOU COULD KILL THEM. EVERYTHING WOULD CHANGE FOR YOU.

It would.

It will.

It does.

---

It’s so dark.

IT’S SO LIGHT, YOU MEAN.

There’s no purpose for anything.

JUST LISTEN TO ME.

There’s no point in hiding the bodies. They’re all hidden down here together. Forever.

FOREVER.

Alone forever…

NOT QUITE. YOU’RE WITH ME FOREVER.

With you…

---

Time has no meaning in forever. It’s always warm and light. Nobody judges them because there’s nobody to judge. They don’t have to adjust their posture because they don’t have a body. Not really. It’s not theirs. It hasn’t been for a long time.

Leisken hasn’t been in a long time.

Leisken was their name, right? That’s… that was them?

Why does that matter now?

Why does it…

Where are their…

What’s over th…

Oh.

...

They…

They need to get out.

They fumble weakly at the locks and mechanisms. They cry and they shake and they try not to think. They’d gotten so good at not thinking.

Out! They’re out! They stumble out into the rain and collapse. What do they feel? They don’t know. But they feel. And that feels significant.

Slowly, they force themself to rise. To stand. To lean against a crumbling stone wall.

Why do they feel so cold? More cold than this rain could make them.

Why do they feel so alone? More alone than the empty streets around them.

Disorientated, confused, tired, terrified.

Leisken moves forward.

---

[bonus art because it's a mood]

#leisken #hollow knight #hollow knight oc #the radiance #mywriting #okay so this one implies things in multiple places but i believe it's still clear enough #art is old but fits well enough

[graffitiskies]

━♡ guess the 26 year old july baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because jeon yooseul is just as wild as the month of july. wait, why do they remind me of bae suji? beyond that, they seemed audacious and impartial upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of stormful and brusque though. i hope they get acquainted here in complex #3 / apartment #0722 / floor # 2 ; she seems to have a lot going on with her job as a rideshare driver.

tw: missing persons

hey everyone!!!! ;u; i’m so glad to be joining you at this ungodly hour (it’s literally after 4am here SMH!!) but hey when the muse hits you IT HITS YOU LIKE A CINDERBLOCK and i for one love when i get a weird burst of sudden muse for a new character hehe :> anyways, that character would be jeon yooseul, a somewhat asocial rideshare driver who’s been living at dallyeog for about a year now :0 pretty much all the info i have for her is below, but in case you’d rather not read a big stretch of text all together, here’s some individual page links: x, x & x :)

profile / stats basic

full name - jeon yooseul nickname/s - yoo, yoojwi ( from her aunt due to her quiet nature ) age - twenty six dob - 07/22/1994 gender identity - cis female orientation/s - pansexual / demiromantic blood type - o born - gyeonggi-do, south korea  grew up - pohang, south korea nationality - korean occupation: rideshare driver languages: korean, conversational japanese, very basic english

personality

label - the thunderstorm traits - audacious, stormful, impartial, brusque, enigmatic, aloof aesthetics - long drives with no destination, concealed crying fits, lonely shadow puppets on the wall in the waning sun, wind and raindrops in your hair, smudged lip balm, beat up messenger bags, the jingling of keys, continental drift, being left on read western horoscope - cancer chinese zodiac - dog alignment - chaotic neutral mbti - the logician ( intp-t ) enneagram - the philosopher ( 5w4 ) disc type - the architect ( Dc )

appearance

fc - bae su-ji ( bae suzy ) hair - deep brown and usually worn naturally, with little effort put in. eye color - black build - slender clothing style - simple, aimless - lots of blacks, earth tones and neutrals. owns a few leather jackets. piercings - both ears in multiple places tattoos - a small heart on her left ring finger, a heart topped with a cross on lower part of the back of her neck

familial ties

mother - jeon hyesun ( status unknown ) father - jeon soonil ( status unknown ) siblings - younger brother jeon yoohwan ( 20, currently in university ) aunt - im darae ( 49, living in pohang ) uncle - im jongho ( 52, living in pohang )

biography

yooseul was born in the muggy, oppressive heat of july to two very kind, yet very naive people. they were both young; barely 19 when they had yooseul, and were in no position to take care of a child. however, they still took on the challenge, as it was simply the kind of people they were.

while the pair meant well, they were always leaving yooseul with her aunt and uncle before traipsing off on another adventure. they loved traveling the world doing all kinds of thrilling, but reckless activities. climbing infamous mountain peaks, visiting the sites of active volcanos, boating down the amazon river with scarce supplies. the little girl would overhear pieces of arguments between her aunt & uncle and her parents. yooseul’s aunt and uncle tended to look out for her even more than her parents did, and were adamant that all the traveling was actively harming yooseul’s development. her mother and father remained steadfast that their daughter wouldn’t even remember this stretch of her life, due to how young she was.

when yooseul’s brother was born, everyone was a bit hopeful that yooseul’s parents would slow down with their jet-setting lifestyle, but if anything, it seemed to kick them into high gear. it was as though having a second child made them feel as though the clock were ticking on their lives, and off they were again on another adrenaline rush.

as yooseul grew enough to truly comprehend and lament her parents’ absence, it was only then that they seemed to finally understand the effect they were having. then again, anyone would probably start listening when their young child is on their knees, begging and crying with an intensity of someone’s whose heart was truly breaking. the trips slowed to a crawl and became every once in a while, rather than every other weekend. yooseul grew passive about them by age seven, as they were so infrequent, so when her parents told her they’d be going on a hiking trip to the south korean evergreen forests, she honestly didn’t think much of it.

she hadn’t seen her aunt and uncle in months, and she and her brother could fly kites in their spacious garden. it was a handful of positives, or so yooseul thought. ( tw begins here ) the days stretched on at their house, and it seemed to be taking a bit longer for her parents to return than she’d anticipated. she could tell something may have been wrong by the hushed conversations her aunt and uncle had, coupled with teary phone calls to people that yooseul couldn’t seem to make out.

she learned the truth while eavesdropping on a news story about her parents; apparently they had gone out hiking as planned, but they had never returned back to the hotel they were staying at. several searches had been conducted in the forest, but only scant, inconclusive traces of the couple were found.

as she was just a child, yooseul knew only hope. her parents would come back one day. why wouldn’t they? they’d been hiking before. they knew what they were doing. days turned into months, and optimism turned into doubt. the evergreen forests were so large and covered so much ground - and who knew if they were even still in there?

( end of tw ) her aunt and uncle did what they could for her and her brother, as the two had gained custody of the children due to their frequent care of them. while her brother was able to develop at a relatively normal pace, yooseul withdrew inside of herself for the most part. the hope she had once known had shifted into stinging pessimism. she loved the family she had left of course, but she was terrible at opening up about what she was feeling, and she was so reluctant for people to see any weakness in her. she had to be the strong one, and it was so much easier to be strong when you let emotions roll off your back entirely.

yooseul had difficult focusing on the things that went on around her, especially in school. she never really made socializing a priority, and her grades were abysmal. it was honestly a wonder that she graduated at all, but her aunt and uncle didn’t want her to be without a secondary diploma, so they refused to let her fall back irretrievably far.

trying to enter the workforce was even worse. she’d sworn off university, and all the small trade jobs she got never seemed to last more than a couple of months, mostly due to her lack of interest. she simply drifted from one meaningless wad of money to the next, either saving it up in a jar for goals she didn’t have or slipping it into her aunt’s purse when she’d refuse to take it directly.

having no prospects might have seemed like a downer of a life to live, but yooseul didn’t really think of things in those terms - she was solely focused on existing in whatever moment she was in and doing whatever she wanted to do. after her aunt and uncle surprised her with a fairly nice kia k8 (as they knew it was something she’d never buy for herself), she leaned into late night drives for comfort. there was something about being alone, feeling the wind ruffling through your hair, some mindless song on the radio recorded solely to push false emotions, watching the lines on the road come at you like knives when you push the limits of the car’s engine. it felt free.

after hearing word of a new rideshare app launching from her uncle, yooseul decided to apply to be a driver. she had nothing else going on at the moment, and those late night drives she enjoyed so much could actually make her some money.

she’s been doing it for a few years now and enjoys it as much as yooseul can enjoy something. the social aspect of it can be a bit awkward, so she loves nothing more than when her passenger keeps their face locked on their phone in silence. she’s since moved out of her aunt and uncle’s place and intro her own apartment at dallyeog. she figured it was finally time to move on, as her brother was now entering college and hadn’t really needed any help taking care of for some time now. maybe, deep down, she’d stuck around so long for sentimental reasons, but she’d never ever admit that.

wanted connections ( first come first serve )

anniversary of an uninteresting event ( open ) - yooseul never talks about it, but y/m saw the story about her parents on some exploitative talk show where they launched a ton of conspiracy theories about what happened. you want to set the record straight, but she doesn’t really wanna hear it.

be quiet and drive ( open ) - y/m orders a ride from yooseul with no set destination in mind. they’ve just had a really awful day and want to zoom through the city towards the sunset without looking back. lucky for them, that is just yooseul’s vibe.

needles and pins ( open ) - y/m and yooseul knew eachother before she moved into dallyeog, possibly even dating back to childhood. they actually know her better than most of the people she’s around now, which makes her mighty uncomfortable. she feels as if they hold some sort of key to a past she thought she’d locked away forever.

cherry waves ( open ) - nobody knows how y/m and yooseul came together, but every time they come into contact, they both immediately lose themselves. sitting on the beaches of busan with a bottle of whiskey, tiptoeing on the edge of dallyeog’s rooftop hand in hand, or ending up a tangled mess of flushed skin and kiss-swollen lips in the back of yooseul’s car; wherever they are, time doesn’t seem to exist.

battle axe ( open ) - yooseul can be a little abrasive when she’s irritated, and maybe that’s why y/m likes pushing her buttons so much. maybe they just like to challenge her attitude of not caring about anything. 

passenger ( open ) - somehow, every time y/m orders from the rideshare app, they end up with yooseul as their driver. it’s not that she doesn’t get them there safely and on time, but she can be...rather scary. maybe all it would take is a few conversations, and they’d see she’s not so bad, and maybe even bump up her rating to three stars?

hole in the earth ( open ) - yooseul did the unthinkable when she and y/m were together a few years ago: she actually opened up. she told them things she never thought she’d tell anyone, and y/m didn’t really understand the weight of that decision for her, betraying her trust. seeing y/m again now is just reopening old wounds and pouring on the salt.

digital bath ( open ) - for whatever reason, it is way easier for yooseul to have lengthier conversations over texts, snaps and other various digital means of communication. perhaps it’s not having to see the person’s reaction in real-time and therefor not having to process any of her own emotions. y/m is one of the only people who actually indulges her on this, and now they have become somewhat friendly as a result.

this is all i have for the moment, but i am v enthusiastic about brainstorming things based on chemistry and character traits or of course scooping up one of your open plots! 

#dallyeog:intro #/omg this got v long & i apologize ;-; but if you'd like to plot please do like this and i'll come invade ur ims!! unless disc*rd is easier #/in which case just ask and i'll be happy to share :^)

[macklives]

session 95 end

i like that we ended 612 with karkat pretty sweet if you ask me (well an hour past it at least) 

ill try and sum this up as much as i can, considering it was a LONG one (but i felt long was good for the occasion since it was a homestuck holiday)

alright

lets clear the elephant in the room (not plot related)........ i really like karkat vantas. he may be a jerk sometimes with the slurs but apparently he gets better?? so i DO wanna see some development but god hes such a great character and i know i hated him before but hes grown so much on me that i think hes even in the top 5 favorites. which are kanaya, terezi, aradia and nepeta THEN karkat. so yeah.... god tell me that back in act 3 and i would have LAUGHED

alright, now for the fuckups

equius and vriska

vriska lost her arm bc terezi sold her out to doc scratch, who then blew up the orb she stole which is the reason she now needs a robotic arm. terezi was quite sad about it actually, she wanted to talk with vriska one last time before she told doc, to see whether or not she changed. because vriska DID kill her friend......... but vriska meant smth to terezi, so if she wanted to be the better person and apologize or try, terezi wouldnt have done anything, but since vriska didnt seem to care that much, terezi had to show her that enough was enough. which obviously she didnt really enjoy doing. but damn... im curious to see how their friendship plays out in the future

okay now a quick recap of plot point:

vriska lusus died, but not completely so she had to kill her herself with a guillotine, by using her dice which foretold how she would do it, equius then hopped into the session and literally JUMPED to the next fucking gate to greet aradia, who he had prepared her a robot, aradia entered the robot and equius fucking PROGRAMMED IT TO LOVE HIM

which GOD OKAY

so she found out, hated the fact it was programmed and she didnt ACTUALLY have any romantic feelings for equius, so while pissed, she then smashed the living HEART INSIDE OF HER ON THE TABLE MULTIPLE TIMES, BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF EQUIUS THEN FUCKING KISSED HIM WHAT THE FUCK

THATS SO FUCKED UP???? the whole forcing this onto her thing when she clearly didnt like him 

however, it seemed while in the sprite, she didnt care much about equius’ peasantry remarks anymore, while she didnt reciprocate, she just went along with the commands he gave which made equius very very sweaty

honestly the most shocking thing of this session was the heart pounding, beating and kissing. 

and omg there was.. a LOT of blood. we had vriskas arm being exploded, lusus being guillotined, aradia smashing out her heart and karkat being stabbed

ALL IN ONE

without break 

LMAO what is happening to these kids

and on that note, nepeta saw the whole ordeal happen and updated her shipping wall with it??? which has all the trolls in relationships and shes judging whether or not theyre fit for one another which good for her ig and can probably keep me updated on who has a crush on who even tho its not all accurate

THEN we have karkat who explained romance. how theres both hate and love in troll culture, which both can be seen as a relationship. one is called uhh kiss something, the other is called moiral something, and then theres one he didnt explain which is matesprite???? kiss is hate, moiral is love and the other is unknown. from what i get. tho most of the time i was being soft over how he had said nobody listens to him and hes just so invested he forgot vriska was even there or what his original point was. anyways, so basically you can have a crush on someone depending on what you feel for them, whether it be love or hate. and hate i see it as kinda like dating your enemy i guess???? yeah.. interesting. i kinda wanna see what dynamics in homestuck lead to that

OR what the kids think about it

oh god dont tell me aradia kissed equius because of the hate love thing.... and then they’ll actually have a romance because of the kiss-smth black romance whatever its called....... bc i swear to god..... im not going to enjoy that in the slightest.. i dont want to see that.. nuh uh...... smth about them that irks me

i genuinely also thought sollux and aradia were still together but i guess since the incident theyre not??? bc then id be REALLY fucking concerned for the aradia x equius thing bc thats blatant cheating..... but nothing has been really confirmed so... for my sanity, ill say theyre taking a break, EVEN if id rather much have them together because they were cute :(( but equius FUCKED IT UP

ANYWAYS, last point but not least, while karkat explained this whole romance schtick, he got stabbed.. yes, STABBED, by their session’s jack noir agskagdjhd WHICH APPARENTLY DIDNT BOTHER KARKAT BECAUSE HE HAD HIS PRIORITIES LMAOOO HE JUST TYPED AWAY WITH BLOOD GUSHING ON HIS SIDE LIKE NOTHING, n e ways, he told jack not to tell anybody his blood color, and was being a dramatic bitch about it, because apparently karkat has red blood (not aradias, a mutant like color) which is oppressed by troll culture, so he hides it to not get shat on... jack cut himself to show karkat he wasnt alone. which i then remembered karkats session got fucked up when he was explaining his own game to john, and apparently jack fucked theirs up so i cant wait to see what happens there

and thats basically it

and with that, happy birthday karkat and happy 612 to you all

#homestuck #homestuck liveblog #hs95 #hs95 end

[not-gae-cuz-i-like-straight-wae]

WOW!!! Warning: there are some SERIOUSLY AWFUL HATERS out here on Tumblr!!! \(°o°)/

Okay, I don’t exactly know how to put this, but I’m gonna try anyway.

What I’m gonna talk about, happened yesterday, but I was kind of in a SHOCK because of it, so I totally didn’t know what to say... But I DO know that I’m INCREDIBLY DISAPPOINTED and also VERY MAD! Someone TOTALLY insulted me PERSONALLY and even told lies about me as well! It's completely unjustified. That much I know for sure. This person is so hateful, that even though I’m no hater, it’s kinda contagious and I feel like hating that person back. Especially after what all that already happened before the person did what he/she did. What a filthy TRAITOR!

So this person makes fan art and I was a great fan of it. I even had drawings of that person on my laptop lock screen and background. I knew they all were on his/her Tumblr page, but I had no account yet, so I couldn’t like the posts or something else. Eventually, after seeing more interesting stuff on Tumblr, I decided to create an account for myself. One of the first things I did, was following this person, liking a lot of his/her fan art and I wrote many kind comments in which I let him/her know how much I loved the art. I also sent some private messages to this person to tell him/her these things personally (and it were long messages, not just some short sentence like “I like your art”) and that I’d love to see more of the characters he/she drew. He/she replied with a “thank you” and said he/she would indeed make more and I said that I couldn’t wait.

Then (and this was yesterday) I looked at the list of the ones I follow and noticed there was one less. I went to our chat and from there I tried to go to his/her page, but I couldn’t manage to do that (which was because the person blocked me, apparently). I just looked up the page in the search bar and there I saw the message... IT WAS AWFUL. Not only the message itself, but also (and especially) the TAGS. This person was literally talking about ME and didn’t care a thing about letting me know that. It was absolutely disgusting to read it all and I was all like: “WHAAAAAAAAAAT?????!!!!!!!!!!” This person HATES and SCOLDS me, because (he/she said) I don’t support the lgbt+ community. Because I’m homophobic. The person said I’m not being oppressed for being straight... Like, WOT?!

Let me start off by saying this: YES, I don’t support the lgbt+ community, because that’s MY choice and MY opinion. I’m thinking for myself and nobody’s gonna tell me what I must think of anything! Exactly THAT is what annoys me the most! They all want to impose their opinions to me, with violence if it has to. They can’t even respect my opinion, but they expect me to agree with and support THEIRS??? Besides, almost the entire world is already supporting it all. Gay pride here, trans pride there. Those flags are everywhere! They’ve even got a WHOLE MONTH of lgbt+ pride now! Countless people praise and glorify - if not, worship - them and they’re gonna talk about oppression??? Come on, man! If it was all to have the same rights as straight people, to be equally treated as them, it would’ve been lgbt+ NORMAL, not PRIDE.

But that’s another story. What I’m REALLY ANGRY about, is THIS:

I LITERALLY have written on my page that I’m NOT homophobic or something alike. LITERALLY! And I’m not! In fact, I know quite a few gay people and I never got into a fight with them because of it. I may not agree with you on several things, but if you wanna be gay, go ahead! That’s not my problem. You do what you do, but let me do what I wanna do as well. And don’t go bothering me, telling me I have to find this normal and that normal... However, now even THAT isn’t enough anymore! I must support it or some people will hate me, apparently! Anyway, does this person really think I’m BLIND or something? Or PLAIN STUPID maybe??? Well, guess what... I’M NOT. I already had SEEN posts of this person about lgbt+ pride. Did I scold him/her? No. Did I talked bad words about him/her behind his/her back? No. Did I sent private messages to him/her in which I expressed my hateful feelings??? NO!!! But what I DID do, was following this person, liking his/her content and saying many nice things about his/her art. And then you go talking about me like THAT? I 100% don’t get it. Like, seriously, WHAT THE???!!!

Of course, after reading the (very personal) message, I immediately changed my laptop’s lock screen and background. How I wish I could delete this person’s page from my internet...

I thought it would perhaps happen in the future. The far future. But it seems it’s already reality today: you can’t say you’re straight anymore! Because that’s THE ONLY THING I did. My username: not-gae-cuz-i-like-straight-wae. Do I say I hate homos? (Yes, here we go again.) No! My profile picture/the name I use for my drawings: straight weh/straight wayzzz. Do I say I hate homos? Again, no! The title: this blog is not geh. Do I say I hate homos? Once again... No! The banner: hetero pride. Do I say I hate homos??? NOOOOO!

I SAID HETERO PRIDE AND IT APPEARS THAT BECAME AN ILLEGAL THING TO SAY. WELL, I’VE SAID IT BEFORE AND I’LL SAY IT AGAIN: I FIND IT QUITE NORMAL TO BE HETERO, BUT I’M HAPPY TO BE NORMAL.

You know, I actually COULD feel oppressed for being straight now, because this person basically discriminated me for merely saying it! (By the way, there was someone else like that and he/she started to spam long texts and pictures in our private chat, saying he/she was streaming it to Discord. I’m pretty sure that isn’t even allowed! Eventually, I had to block that fool.) I’ve seen so many usernames that included “gay”, “lesbian”, “bi”, “trans”, etcetera, but when I include “straight” in my username, I’ve committed a terrible sin, according to some people! These things are seriously happening, but I still can’t believe it...

Someone choosing to be gay may be none of my business, but I also never said a hard word about it. Just that I DON’T support it unlike almost everyone else these days. And why would you give a darn crap about what I think, huh??? There are MILLIONS of people to back you up!!! Often, I only need to turn my head to see another lgbt+ supporter. I can’t even watch TV anymore without flags turning up on the sides of the soccer field or sometimes even in the stands! So what the FRICK are you whining about??? (Maybe I’m talking to you specifically, maybe I’m not, but I’m pretty sure you’ll know if I do.)

At first, I was shocked by the message and I gotta be honest, I was really SAD too. It came so unexpected and definitely not on the right day (my birthday, I’ll have you know... no joke, I couldn’t even celebrate it due to my school tests, but then I was taking a break after some studying and I do had to see THAT message). I suppose it hurt me more than it should have. But well, the longer I think about it, the more happy I am you showed your true self. The HORRIBLE and RUDE person you are. The truth is one of the most important things in life and I’m glad to have found it out once again. The last thing I want to say, is that I’m not hateful towards those you claim I am hateful to, but now, I DO despise YOU.

#you can f off yourself #stupid morron #i'm sorry y'all for having written a message like this #but some toxic person posted a very rude message about me #and i had to do this #i was just being friendly to this person #complimented him/her for his/her drawings #and then this #no #i won't accept that #if i'm being friendly to you #and then you post a message #addressed to me personally #as loathsome as that person's message #you will get it back #straight in you face #so please #don't be a jerk

[skyhopedango]

State of the Season pt 1

So, so many shows! :O I don't remember the last time I watched so many ongoing shows. Alas, quantity doesn't translate into quality, but still, there are some pretty nice shows that I enjoy a lot.

Not these, though.

Dragon, ie wo kau

Yeah, this was crap. I expected something fun and fantasy-spoofy, I got a badly animated, badly produced, badly acted (from the main character) video-game-referencing show that takes one joke that is already not incredibly funny, and runs it into the ground until there's nothing left but dust. Pity.

.

Mars Red

Oh, this show. The first episode was stilted and vaguely pretentious*, but I thought eh, let's see a bit more of it. So I watched episode two and three, and bam, the usual vampire-hunter-vampires shenanigans with some half-hearted attempts at ~Historical Relevance~ but still pretentious. Perhaps it could've been better with more interesting/charming characters, but they weren't interesting at all... OK, that's not quite true, I liked that young vampire (supposedly the most powerful one?) who was always doing the "hey enemy vampire, you can join us or you can die" speech, that was cute.

*I mean... yes, you've read Salome. Yay. So how is it related to what happens in the episode? Does she kill the one she loved to possess him or something? No. Does she do anything even vaguely related to the story of Salome? No. So... what's the significance of the references? And from episode 2 it was downhill. EP 2 has Romeo and Juliet for "tragic lovers" which is about the most clichéd thing ever and the lovers' story had nothing in common with Romeo and Juliet other than them dying in the end. And in episode 3 the characters are literally standing around reciting Relevant Poetry. I suppose this works for people who are satisfied with understanding a reference and who want to feel smart for knowing some classical literature, but other than that...

I've been putting off watching episode 4 since Monday, and frankly at this rate likely I'll never watch it.

.

Fumetsu no anata he

3 episodes in, and oh yes, I remember why I didn't keep up with the manga. Look, I'm not saying it's a bad show. As most people I was very impressed with the first episode. Good stuff, emotionally powerful. But what happens after that is just totally not my cup of tea. Nonhuman entity learning to understand humans and gaining sympathy for humanity would be totally up my street - but not really when it happens via a generic adventure story, tryhard epicness tipping into unintentional hilarity every now and then, overwrought music, precocious kids mugging for the camera, and the threat of misery porn looming just over the horizon... and that's not even mentioning the obvious production issues apparent from episode 2 that further undermine the epic tone the show is going for.

I think I'll give it one more episode, although I have a feeling I'm not going to last longer. I'm sure the story will eventually have some profound things to say, but I'm also sure it'll be nothing I haven't heard before in ways that resonated better with me.

.

86 -Eighty-Six-

aka "Liberal Circlejerk - The Anime". (And while it can't be "white liberal" for obvious reasons, it has the attitude down pat.)

This show. This is what you get from a LN for horny teen boys fantasizing about being badass soldiers and naive girls in sexy uniforms, that also wants to say Serious Important Woke Stuff. You get a show about Super Special Teenagers that is hilariously dumbed down, preachy, self-congratulatory, and also cynical about how it treats its female characters. (And that's not even saying how stupid the setting is... I'm sure there'll be some twist but seriously, it still wants us to just handwave away stuff like "even if the enemy's weapons will expire in 2 years, how come nobody asks 'what if they built new ones' or 'what if they have other stuff up their sleeve'" etc...)

Really, I'd like to say that at least the show has its heart in the right place, but I can't, because for every preachy and dumbed down but decent message it delivers it does shit like ogling the main female character (whose uniform has a garterbelt apparently because the LN writer is into that), having her make cute pouty or blushing faces, pointing out how she's a virgin, having a "boys ogle bathing girls" scene* where the girls of course talk about boys and romance because girls, eh? etc. Hell, in episode 4 it even manages to undermine the single best thing that happened in the show so far by basically tone policing the oppressed character who told the MC to fuck off and not treat them as her morality pets. Clearly even if your friend was just killed in action and this random person who is also your oppressor and is wallowing in privilege, is crying in your ear making it all about her, you shouldn't be rude to her because aw shucks she meant well. And of course all it takes is a "sorry, I'll treat you like humans from now on, I swear" for everyone to start respecting her. Like, wow, she's committed to the bare minimum, where's the champagne?!

*Yes, the girls were dressed, but you just know that at one point in production (or perhaps in the source material) they were were naked. The entire scene is set up as a usual ogling-bathing-girls scene, so I'd bet money that what happened was someone in production vetoed it in the very last moment so they didn't have time to rewrite everything, only to give the girls clothes.

I'm still getting some entertainment value out of 86 (those spider tanks are pretty nice...) but oh boy, the cringe.

#86 #86 eighty six #mars red #fumetsu no anata e #to your eternity #dragon goes house hunting #anime review

[destroy-the-cannon]

Fire With Fire, a Oneshot

I’m back and at my usual shit again! I don't actually have a new chapter of the fit this week. I had a crap ton of family issues to deal with, but thankfully that’s all over now. I promise that from now on it’ll be a much more regular schedule, but I just couldn’t finish the chapter this week, and would rather give you something crappy than nothing at all. I want to make it clear that this is IN NO WAY part of my main story. This is a completely separate piece. But that’s enough jabber. So please enjoy (or enjoy making fun of) this Anton-era one shot I did a while back.

Taglist: @sirbeepsalot @kingliam2019 @kamilahsayeet2063 @cordonian-literature

Story Tags: Rival get romantic, swords, queer romance.

Warnings: Mentions of blood, mature language, weapons.

“YA! YA! YA!” Olivia bared her teeth as she lunged at Paige. Her blade glinted in the sun as she drove it straight towards her opponent’s neck. Paige blocked it with infuriating ease and a quick grin, swirling around to make a thrust at Olivia’s stomach.

“Has anyone ever told you that you can be-”, Pant, stab, perry, laugh- “Just a tad aggressive?” Olivia was fighting too hard to answer. She let out a savage roar as she threw herself forward, blade pointed right towards the other duchess’s neck.

Unfortunately, she wasn’t trying to actually kill Paige, much as she wanted to at the moment. It was training. Mara and Bastien had decided that it was high time that the group of nobles learned how to properly defend themselves, mainly because the two guards were apparently incapable of doing their actual jobs. Every time an actual threat seemed to surface, they were conveniently nowhere to be found. But oh, when the occasional party goer or paparazzo got too rowdy, they were on the case!

It didn’t help that the Prince of Charity and the Duchess of Weakness didn’t have the balls to hire new, more competent guards. It seemed that Lady Dumb and Sir Dumber were locked into their positions for life, no matter how incompetent they proved to be. It was something of a blessing that the nobles were finally receiving proper training; Olivia was certain that when the time came, there would be nobody around to protect them but each other.

And as delightful as it was to have official permission to point a blade at Paige’s throat, Olivia hated how… competent the other woman had proved to be when it came to sparring.

Well, maybe competent wasn’t the word for it. Maybe incredible, legendary, or awe-inspiring might’ve worked better. There were some other ones, too, but the Nevrakis chose to ignore them.

They were currently aboard one of the royal ships. It was enormous, beautiful, but mostly decorative. It was far too slow and clunky to be useful in an actual ocean battle, but it was going to have to make do. Liam had thought that for this year’s royal tour, it would be charming to go by boat and visit some of the seaside duchies. It made them more of a target than an unmarked train would’ve, but maybe that was the point. They were all tired of running and hiding, Olivia especially. Cowering wasn’t exactly a Lythikosian specialty; they faced their opponents head-on, like warriors. She was ready to be done with all this, and finally snatch up a moment of peace with her… friends. It was hard to admit, but that was how she was finally coming to see those idiots. Not as allies, but as people she cared about. It was hard to stomach, so she tried to think about it as little as possible.

Which brings us right back around to the deck of the Athenian Dream, where Olivia was currently fighting for her life while trying desperately not to show it.

She had no idea how the fuck Paige had managed to get so good, but she was incredible, truly. Taking another crude swipe, Olivia ground her teeth, trying not to let her frustration show. Where Paige’s method was elegant and quick, Olivia’s was heavy and aggressive. She didn’t make witty jokes, or twirl, or laugh. She cut out the showmanship and went straight for the kill.

“Ha! Take that! And that! And that!” Paige practically skipped around the deck as she struck. Her blade was a blur as she twisted it into a series of complicated moves. “And THIS!” She grinned and threw out a savage swipe.

She should’ve been able to block it.

Her opponent was clearly expecting her to. It would’ve been easy, nothing more than a quick lean to the side. But Olivia felt glued to the spot. She was tired, so tired, and Paige made for an infuriating enemy. A simple ponytail swung from her head, somehow still intact. She was wearing a gorgeous black workout set that fit her distractingly well, and her eyes sparkled with almost childlike joy. The sun tangled its rays in her dark hair, and for a moment Olivia found herself entranced with the halo effect.

Until she felt a sudden, sharp sting near her neck. She hissed, nearly dropping her sword. Stretching her neck, she saw a thin cut bleeding on her shoulder. Not serious, but messy. Paige inhaled sharply and took a step forward, her brow crumpled with concern.

“Shit, Olivia, I’m so sorry. There’s a first aid kit on board, do you want to stop for the day?” She stepped closer, and Olivia suddenly couldn’t bear the lack of distance between them. The throbbing in her shoulder only spurred her sudden burst of anger.

“HE YAAAAAAAA!” She screamed wildly as she lunged for Paige, who stumbled back with a look of surprise.

“Woah! Shit, Olivia, please!”

Olivia didn’t stop. She couldn’t, really. She was yelling like a banshee as she came forward with everything she had. Paige was barely keeping up, her pleas going unheard. She narrowly missed getting her arm taken off by a particularly intense slash, twin roses of red blooming on her cheeks. Her features sharpened all at once as she realized that Olivia wasn’t playing.

They had chosen to practice sans their usual protection that afternoon. It was exhausting to pull the heavy gear on and off, not to mention the oppressive afternoon heat. Paige and Olivia had always had more of a knack for bladework, and the two had only ever practiced with Mara. A little friendly competition had seemed like a fun way to pass some time on a slow day. But now, as Olivia’s blade tore a wide rip in the side of leggings, Paige wished more than ever that she’d asked Liam instead.

“Ha! Where are the jokes now, hm? Come on, where’s that legendary Valtorian wit? Cat got your tongue?” Olivia snarled as she sliced her weapon through the air. She tried (and frankly, failed) to keep her gaze from drifting to the tear she’d put on her opponent’s bottoms, exposing the skin there. Paige was now fighting back, but she didn’t look happy about it. She wasn’t going as hard as she had been, and she wasn’t laughing. She was fighting purely to keep herself intact.

Olivia’s adrenaline was beginning to falter slightly as she danced around the deck. Glancing around wildly, she saw that they had grown closer to the side of the boat. They hadn’t established a way to win when they started, but the duchess figured that if she could pin Paige to the portside and press the flat of her blade against the other woman’s throat, that must count as a victory. She would win, and all would be right with the world. She could go back to the palace, wash up, and pretend that none of this ever happened. She could put Paige and everything she came with into a little box inside her mind. It would all be over as soon as she won.

“Olivia, seriously! You’re freaking me out, let’s just go.”

“We’re not leaving until I’ve won. We are going to end this PROPERLY!” Swoosh. Turn. Stab, step, charge and-

Thunk. Paige’s back hit the portside.

“Any last words?” Olivia murmured low in the other duchess’s ear. She pressed the flat of her blade against her windpipe, just loose enough for her to breath comfortably.

Olivia had expected the moment to be supremely satisfying, but was instead to distracted by her and Paige’s proximity to care. She realized with dull horror that she had started clutching the other woman’s hip, her nails digging in to the exposed flesh where her leggings had been torn. Olivia flicked her gaze down to Paige’s gently parted lips, her breath hitching. While part of her wanted to throw more distance between the two of them, the other part wanted desperately to close the gap and cut throught the tension. She spoke, trying to push down her growing desperation.

“So. Guess I win.”

“Are you sure about that?”

“What?”

All Olivia saw was the flash of a smug grin before Paige grabbed her by the hair and pressed their lips together.

The sword fell from the Nevrakis’s hand and fell onto the deck with a loud clatter. Neither woman noticed.

It was rough, hot, tender, and so fucking satisfying. Months of frustration and anger and want and need poured out between them. Olivia hands wrapped tighter around Paige’s hips and pulled the two of them closer together, closing any gaps between them. She tipped her head back as the kiss grew deeper and deeper, sighing deeply. It was perfect, it was growing, it…

Paige pulled back and put on an absolutely insufferable smirk, eyes alight.

“Seems like I’m the real winner here.” She grinned and pulled from Olivia’s grip, picking up the fallen sword from the deck. She brandished it once, twice, then peered up through her lashes with a challenging look.

“Another round?”

#enemies to lovers #choices #choices stories you play #the royal heir #the royal romance #the royal romance mc #olivia nevrakis

[tracelessrp]

LARKSPUR FOX is a 116 year old FEMALE VAMPIRE, who looks a lot like EMILY BLUNT. LARK spends time at Traceless because SHE LIVES THERE AND WORKS AS A NURSE. SHE is known for DRINKING THE BARE MINIMUM AMOUNT OF BLOOD TO SURVIVE AND HAVING LATENT PERSUASION POWERS.

Hometown: Fleetwood, England Current Residence: Traceless, Austria Special Abilities: Lark is unaware that she has the preternatural ability of persuasion. She would be much more powerful if she kept herself fed enough, which is why nobody really knows she has this power. It isn’t a sure-shot, but when Lark talks to people about various causes that she supports, they are for whatever reason more susceptible to listening to her. She also happens to be a vampire, and has (compared to a human) high strength, agility, and grace. Her longevity is also better than a human’s, but she ages at a fifth of the human rate- that is a very fast aging rate for a vampire.

Character Background:

trigger warnings for death, murder

Lark was born in 1904 to 16 year olds Diana Fox and Simon Roswell. Diana’s family was dirt poor, even in a time of economic stability for the working class, but Simon came from a line of successful fishermen. Diana’s parents never approved of Simon, and he proved to be made out of broken promises. Diana flew into a bit of a rage. The only mature part was when she told her mother (Cecelia) that she wasn’t ready or equipped to be a mother. Cecelia and her husband Dale lovingly took up raising the baby- Larkspur (named after the flower). Lark (as she insisted on being called as soon as she had the choice), grew up loved by her grandparents, with her mother only rarely reappearing in her life. She saw her father even less. Lark felt guilty that she never loved her father. It was devastating when her grandfather passed away in an untimely accident, which made Lark cling to her grandmother.

Lark evaded boys as much as she could. They didn’t hold her interest, and the idea of spinsterhood sounded wholly appealing. For the longest time, Lark thought she was incapable of falling in love, and that justice would have to be her life partner. She was more interested in reading every book or scrap of news that she could fine, and talking to progressive-minded individuals. When she was seventeen, Lark tearfully admitted to her grandmother that she needed to see the world and see what sort of changes she could make. Perhaps she was just one woman, but Lark always believed that every person mattered.

After some serious missteps in traveling and a lot of luck, Lark wound up in Germany by 1923. She found herself disheartened by the food shortages befalling the country, and did everything that she could to help raise awareness and do what she could among the people. Never could she sit back idly while people were in trouble.

One night, Lark happened upon a very beautiful woman apparently sucking on a dead person’s neck. Bewildered because she was well familiar with the vampire myths, Lark somehow talked her way into surviving by promising to donate her blood to this woman (Steffi, not Stefanie) and to help her during the daytime. Because vampires were no good during the day, right? …Right? In exchange, Lark asked for her own protection, and that negotiated only the worst of worst would become vampire snacks. After a few months of helping out, Lark found herself in a spot of bad luck. Ruffle enough feathers, and you wind up bleeding out in a ditch.

For some reason that Lark could hardly fathom, Steffi saved her that night. Lark found the idea of subsisting on other’s blood abhorrent, and essentially starved herself. She only took enough blood to survive, and became very good at managing her hunger over time. What spurred her to get good at that management of her bloodlust was the one time that she slipped. 1925, Paris, while traveling around with her unlikely maker, Lark met Noelle. They talked upon meeting, and Lark appreciated that Noelle seemed to speak on a similar level to her. During a dip in the flow of conversation, Lark started to feel dizzy with hunger. She could not remember the last time she had fed, and she lost all semblance of control. Lark came to her senses after a moment, and realized that she had taken too much blood. She hurried off find Steffi, and begged her maker to help. Grudgingly, Steffi agreed. Lark initially asked for directions on what to do, but Steffi had insisted on doing it for herself- apparently based on the nature of the ask. Lark was deeply overcome with guilt over the change, and agonized over balancing the loss of control she needed to avoid along with her morals. After agonizing experiments, Lark found a relatively stable balance between hunger and survival. Even with all of Noelle’s teasing, Lark never slipped up again when it came to her feeding. But of course Lark was always hungry…

The years passed. Lark eventually admitted to her grandmother about the vampire she had become, and her grandmother promised she still loved her just as much. Lark learned eventually that her father had remarried, and that she had four younger half-siblings. She kept tabs on them and their descendants, but never made herself known.  Lark traveled on and off with Steffi or Noelle, often bickering. During World War II, Lark took up work as a nurse, which she found that she appreciated. She picked up a few university degrees along the way. Around the 70s, she became a little less oppressed, and embraced that she was interested in women rather than men or even nothing. She still expected that a figurative soulmate was never out there for her, and told herself that there were more important things in life than wrecking the life of someone that you loved.

In modern times, Lark lived with Steffi in Traceless. Her maker had the nerve to charge her rent. Rent, of all things! Lark worked as a nurse again, but was more interested in her own special brand of radical anarchism and trying to persuade other vampires to adopt her approach to consuming blood. Perhaps she had a bit of a martyr complex, and perhaps she could stand to consume a little bit more ethically-sourced blood, but she had not slipped up in nearly 100 years, right?

(ooc: lisa, 29, she/her, pacific)

#species: vampire #murder tw #death tw

[tiliamericana]

Muay Thai: 1.14

“Almost,” said Linden, taking a step back and looking Nairi up and down with a critical eye.

“I really don’t want to wear a skirt,” said Nairi again, crossing her arms over her chest as she shifted her weight uncomfortably under Linden’s gaze. The tight mesh of the netted sleeves had hard glitter embedded into it in patterns, scratching her skin, and while the heel on the shoes was low and chunky it was still higher than anything else she owned.

“I’m not talking about that, fusspot,” said Linden, red lips twitching as she grabbed Nairi’s hand and tugged her towards the bathroom. “The shorts are fine, you’re sex on legs. You just need some make up, come on.”

Linden’s bathroom was cramped, barely enough space for the two of them to stand next to each other. Linden shoved her things to one side and hiked herself up to sit on the counter next to her sink, beckoning Nairi closer. Nairi stepped closer and one of Linden’s smooth legs slid up and along the outside of Nairi’s thigh, hooking around the back of her leg and tugging her closer. Nairi leaned in, bracing her knuckles on either side of Linden’s thighs as Linden picked up a brush and small quad of eyeshadow from the mess on the counter.

“Look down for me,” said Linden with her lipstick grin, her free hand lightly touching Nairi’s jaw.

Nairi let her line of sight drop down, resting on the folds in Linden’s dress where it was bunching around her hips. The brush gently swept over her eyelid, the feeling of powder left in its wake immediately making Nairi want to scrub it away again. She kept her hands on the counter until she felt Linden’s hands leave her face, and when she looked back up, Linden was smiling at her.

“Better?” she asked, the corners of her mouth quirking up to mirror Linden’s.

“Almost,” said Linden, her cheek dimpling, and she handed Nairi two tubes. “Can I trust you to put on mascara yourself?”

“Probably not,” said Nairi, taking the tubes anyway.

Linden laughed and leaned to the side so that Nairi could see the mirror. She had to get close to see what she was doing, chest-to-chest with Linden, wary of the wand so close to her eye. She was very warm, even through the layers of their clothes, and her perfume was sweet. Nairi had never really thought about perfume.

The second tube was lipstick, a burgundy red that was several shades darker than Linden’s own, and when Nairi put it on she immediately smudged it. She leaned back away from the mirror and Linden laughed, picking up a wet wipe.

“Don’t bite me,” she teased, holding Nairi’s jaw again to wipe her mouth before she took the lipstick and applied it for her. “Now rub your lips together.”

Nairi obeyed. The lipstick was creamy rather than waxy, and smelled of vanilla, nicer than any of the cheap ones Nairi had had reason to use before. The way Linden had put it on her gave her mouth more of a shape as well; it still didn’t look right, but it looked better.

Linden’s buzzer sounded loudly, and Nairi stepped back to let her off the counter.

“Better,” said Linden as she dropped to the floor again, her mouth still curled, and her hand rose up briefly as though she were going to touch Nairi’s face again. She seemed to think better of it though, and left to go answer the door, flashing a smile over her shoulder. Nairi could still smell the perfume on her shirt.

She took a moment to squint at herself in the mirror before following Linden, shaking her head as though it could clear her mind. She looked fine. Perversely enough she looked more like herself. She tucked her hair behind her ear and headed back towards the voices coming from Linden’s kitchen. Agatha was leaning against Linden’s kitchen counter, drinking one of the fruity vodka pre-mixes from the box on the counter. She smiled as Nairi came over, and Nairi returned it as she leaned in to receive a kiss on the cheek.

Her hands were dried out from the sanitiser at her lab, reassuringly rough on Nairi’s fingers. “You look nice,” she said, gesturing at Agatha’s dress.

“Thank you,” said Agatha, kissing her cheek again before shooting a glare at Linden. “See? It’s fine, you can stop complaining.”

“Please, I just spent a whole evening trying to convince your girlfriend to wear something that looks good, I would not be taking her opinion on clothes,” said Linden, kicking her fridge shut with a wide grin.

“These look fine,” said Agatha, wrapping her arm around Nairi’s waist. “I mean, they’re pretty. I like them.”

“Thank you!” said Linden, taking a long drink. “It took me waytoo long to find something she’d even wear.”

“Well, nobody asked you to play Barbie with her,” said Agatha, rolling her eyes.

“I mean, I kind of did,” said Nairi, shrugging at her.

“And it clearly went fine,” said Linden loudly, draining her bottle. “And you could probably use some ‘Barbie’ time as well considering you apparently own one dress.”

“I don’t need another dress just for going out,” said Agatha tartly. “Speaking of—are we going to go out? Or are we just going to sit in your kitchen and drink while you complain about how badly-dressed we are?”

Linden glanced at the time on her microwave and nodded. “Alright, fine,” she said, picking up an improbably small bag from the counter. “It’s still kinda early, but God only knows when the last time I got to take a Saturday off was, so I guess I should try and get my money’s worth.”

Linden’s ‘a little early’ was more of Agatha’s ‘bedtime’. Although, to be fair, it wasn’t like Agatha hadn’t known what she was getting into when they’d organised it. Nairi’s opinion on the matter probably didn’t count for much though—both Agatha and Linden had made it clear that having her ‘day’ between the dojo closing and three o’clock in the morning was insane of her.

*

The queue to get into the club was staggered along the rickety, dark staircase and moving slowly. Despite being early by Linden’s standards, the night seemed to be well into the swing of things by everyone else’s. One of the guys in line just ahead of them kept giving the low cut of Linden’s dress appreciative looks before grinning back at his friends, but Linden either didn’t notice or didn’t care, so Nairi tried to ignore them.

“So what, Simon didn’t want to monopolise your first free Saturday night in forever?” asked Agatha idly, craning her head to peer up the line and see the progress ahead of them.

Linden snorted, rifling through her purse for the cover fee. “No, he likes having his Saturdays to himself, he just told me to have fun and say hi.”

The men with the wandering eyes just ahead of them finally got through the door and Linden stepped up, paying for all three of them at once. The guy checking IDs nodded at them with the flash of licenses, and waved them in.

Loud music, coloured lights, and the oppressive smell of alcohol and hard-working machinery hit Nairi in the face as they entered, and she had to force her hackles to sink back down. She’d never been to this club, she reminded herself, trying to press down on the sensory familiarity. She was fairly certain this club hadn’t even existed the last time she’d been going to nightclubs regularly, and she’d sure as shit never walked into one while sober before.

If Agatha’s expression was anything to go by, she was having more of an urge to turn around and leave. “…I’m going to get us some drinks,” she eventually, pitching her volume up to be heard over the music and making a beeline for the bar without waiting for a response from either of them.

Linden laughed and grabbed Nairi’s hand, grinning and tugging her towards the dancefloor. It wasn’t quite a crush of bodies yet, but it was enough to make Nairi grit her teeth as she followed her. The noise and flashing only got more intense as they joined the crowd, and her eyes skated over the darkened corners with tables on the far side.

Reassuringly though, Linden didn’t seem like she was going to leave Nairi to her own devices. She stayed right in Nairi’s personal space, grinning at her every time their eyes met. Nairi wasn’t much of a dancer, never had been, but it was easy enough to move with her, even as her eyes kept returning to the press of bodies around the bar, trying to find Agatha in the indistinguishable mass. If Linden minded being kept on the edge of the dancefloor she didn’t show it.

Unfortunately, their time on the edges only lasted until Agatha rejoined them with drinks in hand. Nairi tried to linger over her water, but Linden knocked back her whiskey very quickly, and Agatha had already made a start on hers, and in no time at all Linden was grinning at Agatha, and Agatha was tugging Nairi back into the dancers.

Somehow even more people had joined in the time it had taken them to get their drinks, and the press of the bodies was more energetic, pushing everyone along. Nairi lost track of Linden almost instantly, a flash of her hair illuminated under a pulsing light before she disappeared behind several people in between one breath and the next, but Agatha kept a tight grip on her wrist, a reassuring anchor as the crowd shifted, allowing them to slot in.

And then it was… fine. After a few minutes of the dancing, the song changing over and Agatha’s body close to hers, Nairi almost actually enjoyed it. She relaxed, letting the chemical fog and alcohol smell pass over her, and let Agatha steer their movements.

They shifted back and forth along with the movement of the people around them, music reverberating with them. It was somehow more frenetic than Nairi remembered, without the smoothed over feeling from her memories—she definitely couldn’t imagine anyone actually doing it for fun without the help of alcohol or something stronger—but it was easier than she’d thought it might be.

After a while though her feet were starting to ache in the new shoes, and there was an undefinable quality to Agatha’s face under the coloured lights that made her think she might need another drink. Nairi laced their fingers together and shifted a little, tugging Agatha in the direction of the nearest gap in the crowd. Agatha caught her eye, expression softening a little as she squeezed her hand back, stumbling into Nairi.

Nairi caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist and Agatha leaned in, smiling, to kiss her softly.

Someone hooted loudly right next to them, and Agatha recoiled, pulling back with her eyes wide, her grip on Nairi’s hand tight and hard. Nairi shifted between her and the sound, firmly tugging Agatha off the dancefloor. “You’re fine,” she said as clearly as she could, stepping in front of Agatha, putting herself as a barrier between her and the rest of the dancers.

Agatha nodded, her expression still stiff, and after a second she tugged Nairi in the direction Linden had gone.

Nairi felt herself relax a little more now that her personal space had expanded by about three inches, and with a start she realised that Agatha was better at keeping track of where they were than she was. Linden was leaning against a tall table right near them, holding a very long glass with something violently blue in it while one of the men from the queue outside was talking at her. One of his friends was with them, looking very amused by something.

“—think I might be too much for you,” she was saying as they stepped into earshot, looking up at him with a teasing smile, her dark, stained tongue slipping out to catch her straw and his eye, but she glanced up as Nairi and Agatha approached, her expression shifting to a brighter one. “Hey! Having fun?”

Nairi started to shrug, opening her mouth, but Agatha cut her off. “No,” she said shortly. “Feeling shitty. I’m going to head home.”

“Oh, what, no!” said Linden, straightening and setting her drink down. “It’s not even one! You okay?”

Between the music and the volume they were needing to speak at, Nairi wasn’t sure where the shift had come from. Agatha was shaking her head, stepping back. “Too out of it, need to sleep.”

“No, come on!” said Linden, reaching for Agatha’s hand. “It’s so early, and my first weekend off in like two years!”

Agatha scowled, shaking her off. “You can stay out, I’mgoing!”

“Aggy, please!” Linden tried again. “It’ll get more fun, I promise!”

“It’s not fun!” snapped Agatha, scowl deepening. “I’m going home!”

One of the men she’d been talking to stepped in, putting his hand on Linden’s shoulder. “It’s fine, let them,” he said, tugging Linden back. “I’ll buy you another drink, we can have fun—”

Linden brushed him off with a scowl, glaring back at him. “Fuck off, this isn’t about you!”

Agatha was already walking away, and Nairi hesitated, not wanting to leave Linden alone, but already half-turned to follow her girlfriend.

“Nairi?” said Linden, sounding hurt, and Nairi looked back at her, taking in the rounded eyes and unhappy mouth.

When she turned to look for Agatha again, she was already gone, and Nairi warred with herself briefly before turning back to Linden. The guy scowled, shaking his head as he moved away from them with his laughing friend, and Linden smiled at her, grabbing her hand.

#series honey tree #book muay thai #114 #serial fiction #lgbt fiction

[schattenjagd]

Lost without you (2/2)

A/N : And here it is. I really have nothing much to say about this part but I hope you’ll enjoy it :-) Ah, and this part got inspired by Freya Riding’s Piano Session of “Lost without you”. This is also the video that inspired this whole fanfic and from which I got the idea.

Word Count : 3.9K

Warnings : None, maybe some angst ?

Pairing : Elijah Mikaelson x Reader

Five years later, Elijah tapped impatiently on the dashboard of the dark SUV. How long had he been driving across the country with Niklaus ? Ten hours, maybe more ? He hadn't expected that when his brother had dragged him out of Hayley's house and into the car in the early morning. Elijah had no idea where his brother was going to kidnap him to, nor did he know if he wanted to know.

He closed his eyes. He was tired. After a four-year coma sleep, one would think that he had slept enough, but even his exhausted original vampire body seemed to disagree.

"I am lost without you."

He briefly closed his eyes at the sound of her voice haunting his thoughts. In Freya's Chambre de Chase, everything had been easier. His thoughts had been simpler. Sometimes he had been able to suppress the memories of her, he and his siblings had been isolated from everything, but now, here in the world of the living, every little detail seemed to remind him of her. It was exactly the same like two days ago.

***

The plan had been simple.

Hayley and Freya would sneaked into the vault below the estate to free Niklaus. Elijah's only job was to distract Marcellus as long as possible and to give women time; Time his sister would need to break certain spells.

Elijah had spent enough years of his long life in this house, he knew its entrances and exits better than the back of his hand. But something prevented him from disappearing into the little alley next to the estate, from where he would get to the side door.

At first, he didn't notice her. She had turned her back on him. The knee-length, red dress blew lightly in the warm summer wind and played around her delicate legs. She had put back the Y/H/C hair he'd loved to let his fingers run through into a simple bun.

Elijah inhaled sharply and just looked at her. He swallowed hard and was barely able to look away as he watched her continue walking down the street. A brief flash shot through his head, a flash that carried her last memory together; her farewell on the platform.

She stopped and Elijah was still tied up. If his vampire body were not smarter than him at that moment, he would have suffocated, if breathing would not be an unconscious activity.

And then she turned to face him as she crossed the street, looking for cars to come.

It wasn’t her.

Elijah blinked several times and tried to suppress this painful feeling in his chest, as if a fist has closed around his heart and slowly but surely crushed it.

It wasn't her and she never would be it again.

She wouldn’t come back. She didn't know he existed.

He pressed his lips together in a thin line. He had made her forget, sent her away and compelled to forget him. And so it was better, better for her. In any case, that was what he told himself, year after year. Year after year when her birthday was celebrated, or their anniversary together. It was terrible. And yet Elijah couldn't bring herself to forget her. How could he ?

In the meantime, Y/N's doppelgänger had disappeared and Elijah swallowed hard again. No, he had a slightly higher priority than his own grief now - his family. He had to be there for them now, as he always was. His grief had no place.

Determined, he pushed the side door open and disappeared into the property.

***

7 years ago

“It’s on the house."

Elijah had just taken a seat at the bar, and was now watching Niklaus from a safe distance how he was talking to his very own therapist, who seemed anything but pleased with his appearance. He looked up in surprise at the friendly voice and the glass of bourbon that had been put in front of his nose.

He briefly held his breath without realizing it. He knew her. He knew her, of course, but he was surprised that he actually remembered the young, pretty woman from Jackson Square. Now she looked different, wearing a short black apron over dark blue jeans and a simple black top. The Y/H/C hair had been tied back to a simple ponytail. Her Y/E/C eyes literally sparkled a little when she kindly looked at hin.

"I think I know you," she thoughtfully said, gesturing absently at him with the bourbon bottle she was still holding. It was almost as if she had read his mind. "You were the one who gave me the $50 bill."

The corners of Elijah's mouth went up a little, there was nothing he could do about it. He shrugged and gratefully sipped his drink. "What makes you so sure ?"

She just shrugged. “Well, mysterious guy shows up, looks at me. Mysterious guy disappears, $50 appear in my mason jar”. she gestured again with the bottle head in his direction and cocked her head a little. "I still don't know how you did it, but I'll find out."

Now Elijah actually had to grin a little as she put the bourbon bottle back on the shelf. She came back to him and braced herself on the bar with her forearms.

"It could just as well have been someone else," Elijah added after another sip, whereupon she only raised her eyebrows.

“Nobody was near me. “

"Neither was I."

She narrowed her eyes a little, thoughtfully. "Are ya a wizard or something?"

Elijah had for the first time in his life a hard time not to laugh. Oh, if he were a sorcerer, Niklaus would probably have murdered him several times. Still, there was nothing he could do about it when the corners of his mouth went up again."No," he replied with a smile. "I'm not a wizard."

"Why did you do that ?"

Now, he questioningly raised his eyebrows a little and looked up at her. But she had pursed her lips and looked at him, waiting.

"Why did I do what ?"

“The $ 50. Do you know how long I have to stand here to earn this ? I mean, it's probably not a lot of money for you.” Her eyes fell briefly on his expensive suit. “But still. I'm curious."

He shrugged again that evening, something unusual for him. “You have a beautiful voice. I'm certainly not the first to fall for it. ”

When he looked back at her, she had bitten her lower lip and appraisingly. looked at him  She was probably judging whether his answer was realistic or complete nonsense.

"I don't know if I should be flattered or embarrassed, Mister …"

"Elijah," he interrupted quickly. "Elijah Mikaelson."

She smiled. It was the same smile as at Jackson Square and he had to swallow again. But then she held out her hand to him.

“Well, Elijah Mikaelson. I am Y/N. Y/N Y/L/N. Nice to meet you."

He took her hand and a warm feeling flowed through him.,,The pleasure is mine."

***

Elijah was taken out of his thoughts when Niklaus suddenly stopped the car. He looked up and around, but only large wrinkles appeared on his forehead.

"What the hell are we doing in Chigaco, Niklaus ?" His voice was calm, yet Elijah was upset.

Niklaus had stopped the car on the roadside, but Elijah could still see the distinctive skyline with the Willis Tower from a distance. He rubbed his face and sighed. They had more important things to do than a road trip across America. Especially if they had missed four years in this world.

“Apparently Freya’s dream world has hit you a lot, brother. Such words from the mouth of the noble Elijah Mikaelson ”, Klaus only amused himself and his brother gave him a scowl as the blonde got out of the car and looked briefly around.

Elijah did the same. They were in the middle of downtown and it was almost a miracle that Niklaus had found a parking space by the roadside.

The streets were busy and crowded, and there was an oppressive heat in the big city that they weren't even used to in New Orleans.

But Elijah barely had time to get an overview of the situation, when his brother was already booted and headed purposefully towards a subway station.

"What is it that you're up to, Niklaus ?" He finally asked when he had caught up with his brother. He frowned as they descended the steps to the subway station.

"You'll find out soon enough."

Elijah bit his lower lip acidified and instead looked around the narrow corridor with too many people. It was late afternoon and most of them were coming from their work. No wonder that you could hardly walk in the subway station.

Elijah irritably pushed through the crowd behind his brother and was relieved when the crowds finally decreased. The big subway station was a maze and he involuntarily wondered how to find your way down here as a stranger.

He stopped abruptly.

Piano music.

Behind him, a woman quietly cursed when she almost ran into him and now avoided the original vampire, but not without glowing at him. Most of the other people did the same and now avoided Elijah.

Klaus, who had heard the same thing and noticed how his brother had suddenly frozen, stopped and sirked. Yes, exactly as he’d expected.

Slowly, he turned and watched his brother listen intently. He could literally see Elijah slowly assembling the puzzle pieces in his head and swallowing hard.

Klaus said nothing, absolutely nothing. He just turned and started moving again. And he knew that his brother would follow him.

Suddenly the crowds grew bigger and the music louder. As Klaus turned around the next corner, he could see Elijah hesitantly following him. A staircase led down to another level. You could perfectly look into the small hall below from there and Klaus stopped after a few steps and his grin only widened.

His eyes fell on Elijah. He could see how every muscle in his body had tensed as he went down the few steps as if in a trance and stopped next to him.

Klaus watched his brother slide his eyes over the crowd that had formed around the black piano. It was so crowded that it was hard to find anyone in this crowd, but Elijah made it.

He inhaled sharply when he saw her.

Of course she was sitting in front of the grand piano, how could it be otherwise ?

She was wearing a short, airy summer dress and had her Y/H/C hair tied back in a loose bun. Her fingers, dancing over the piano keys, slowed slowly until the music stopped completely.

The crowd applauded and he heard her voice.

"Thanks !" She called. ,,Thank you very much !"

Elijah couldn't take his eyes off her. After all these years, she still looked like he remembered. Nothing had changed; she was still beautiful and again this woman had cast a spell over him - no, he had always been addicted to her.

"Before I went to Marcel 4 years ago, I asked Hayley for a favor. After we returned the night before yesterday, I redeemed it. "

She started to play again and the notes echoed up to the two brothers. Eljiah carefully watched her and Klaus could see him hold his breath with her first tones.

“Standing on the platform, watching you go. It's like no other pain, I've ever known. To love someone so much, you have no control."

Klaus' corners of his mouth went up a little when he saw his brother narrow his eyes as she sang and looked at her in disbelief.

"You told me she can't remember anything," Klaus went on now and let his gaze wander between Y/N and Elijah. “And she can't either, you compelled her. Still, her love for you was strong enough that a part of her subconscious still remembers. "

“I think I'm lost without you. I just feel crushed without you. I've been strong for long but I never thought how much I needed you. "

Elijah swallowed hard and Klaus could see his hands cling to the railing until his knuckles protruded white. Klaus could see it, could see the love and grief in his brother's eyes and the pain. But then all of that disappeared and was replaced by anger. He gritted his teeth and looked away from her in pain.

"Why am I here, Niklaus ?"

Klaus laughed softly. "Because this woman down there has still fallen for you, Elijah."

“She is safe here. We have only put her in danger with our presence. We have probably already brought our enemies here.”

Klaus became more serious. “Stop with these excuses and prevarications. This woman down there, she still loves you, despite of your self-sufficient behavior. "

"Self-sufficient ?”" Elijah hissed. ,, Our father pierced her with a stake. I'm sorry if you forgot that, but I still have the picture clearly in mind."

The blonde irritably rolled his eyes and gave Y/N a quick, thoughtful look. Elijah next to him snorted irritably.

"Rebekah told me how you felt in Freya’s Chambre de Chase."

Elijah grew calmer, more serious. He fixated Y/N and swallowed hard.

“Our sister worries in vain. I am fine."

"Elijah," Klaus began to persuade his brother. "Since you sent this woman away, you are no longer my brother, no longer the Elijah who would have given anything for love."

The addressee acidified wiped his lips.  "I willingly sacrificed everything for this family, Niklaus. Don't let that be in vain. "

Klaus only laughed softly at his threat and leaned against the railing with his forearms now. "That was exactly your mistake."

He could see Elijah's glance in his direction, but he deliberately ignored him.

“When you sent this woman down there away, part of you went with her and don't dare to say that is a lie. Admittedly, maybe she was safer without you, without the knowledge of this world, but she was part of this family. And so far we have sacrificed everything for this family, everything for our Always and Forever.”

Klaus could see how his words seemed to move something in his brother. In the end, however, they only ensured that he decidedly pushed himself off the railing.

"I'm waiting for you by the car, brother."

The blonde derisively snorted as he watched from the corner of his eye how his brother was about to leave. No, he wouldn't allow that. He still had an ace up his sleeve.

"She is one of us now."

A confident smile crept onto Klaus' full lips when he saw from the corner of his eye how his brother stopped abruptly.

“Strangers rushing past, just tryna get home. You were the only save haven that I've known. Hits me at full speed, feel like I can't breath. And nobody knows this pain inside me, my world is trembling. I should've never let you go. "

Simultaneously with her voice, a small choir began to sing in the background, which caught Elijah's attention for a split second before his eyes went back to his brother, whose corner of his mouth had only risen more. He slowly climbed the stairs again until he was in the same place as before.

"I mean, of course she still can't remember anything. She was compelled by an original,” Klaus added quickly, but now he had the undivided attention of his brother, he was sure of that.

Elijah did the same now and supported himself with his forearms on the railing, watching Y/N closely.

"How ?" Was the only thing he asked.

"Your loved one ended up in Mystic Falls some time ago."

Elijah thoughtfully narrowed his eyes. The compelling really hadn't worked as well as it was had been supposed to. He didn't know if that should scare and please him. Y/N had loved him so much that her subconscious had fought it - and a small part seemed to have won the fight.

,,What happened ?"

Klaus cocked his head a little and let his eyes slide over the small gospel choir. “A certain Julian has contested the city from our dear Salvatore brothers. And your loved one didn't think it was necessary to observe a dozen warning signs and twenty thousand barrier tapes.”

Devotedly, Elijah closed his eyes and just listened to her voice for a moment.

"Fortunately, I still have friends in Mystic Falls."

Elijah glanced half-closed at his brother. "Let me guess: Caroline Forbes?"

Klaus' smug grin was enough for his brother as an answer, so that he ran his hand over his face.

Klaus shrugged. "Hayley made sure that her school got a substantial contribution."

Elijah thoughtfully chewed on his lower lip. Y/N's voice and those of the gospel choir still echoed through the corridors of the station and clouded his mind a little. But that she was now one of them did not change the fact that she would always be in danger as long as she was by his side. Loving any of them was a death sentence, Elijah knew this from personal experience. He couldn't risk her life again, not again. The pain was severe, but he could stand it as long as he knew she was out there somewhere, alive and well and not dead because of him.

"Our sister also told me about the dreams."

Elijah listened to his brother but didn't look at him as he said it. Rebekah had apparently chatted out of the sewing box, wonderful. He briefly winced when he felt his brother's hand on his shoulder.

“You are Elijah Mikaelson. The noble, selfless and honorable one of us. Rebekah once said something that manifested in my memory throughout the years that I succumbed to the agony of the dagger. He dedicates himself to everyone, but himself. Be selfish for once, brother. Do what is right for you. But I want you to know one thing: if you go down there, she is going to be a part of this family. A part of our Always and Forever. And none of us will ever let anyone harm her. ”

Elijah looked his brother in the eye and there he could see the truth in his words. Klaus nodded one last time until he disappeared.

“Standing on the platform, watching you go. You said 'I wanna see the world' and I said ... go. "

Y/N had just played the last notes when the applause broke out. Slowly, she opened her eyes and brushed a few tears from the corners of them. She didn't know how or why, but this very song always made her feel something. It was like memorabilia from another life pattering down onto her. But no pictures, feelings. She could feel the pain as if she had experienced it herself. She could feel the disappointment as if she had experienced it herself. And she could feel this strong love as if she had experienced it herself. These feelings had grown stronger after her transition and yet could not be assigned. It was like missing the one important piece of the puzzle that would complete the picture.

"Thanks," she said instead, forcing herself to smile as people continued to applaud. ,,Thank you."

She briefly chatted with the gospel choir who had approached her before the song and asked to be allowed to accompany her, and thanked them as the crowd around them slowly dissolved. People started to head back to their daily plans.

By the time she finished talking to the choir, nobody stood around her to watch her. She sighed and instead started to take the sheet music of the last song from the filing and sort it.

But this one, little breeze made her pause.

She was in a subway station. There were no breezes down here.

She looked up, confused. But before she could look around, she noticed her mason jar, which was in its usual place and filled with some pennies, with the only difference that it now contained a $ 50 bill.

Her eyebrows furrowed in confusion and she felt like she was having a deja-vu. She questioningly looked up and around for the one who would give her so much money.

And then she spotted him.

He was standing a few meters away from her, people just ran past him. And he just looked at her.

And when she looked at him, she knew it again. She knew everything again. She felt the pain and the disappointment and the love again. And she suddenly knew what the missing piece of the puzzle was all about.

He was standing straight, but he looked uncertain, almost hesitant. Especially when he noticed that she had spotted him. He shifted his weight restlessly from one leg to the other and swallowed.

Y/N could just look at him for a moment, she couldn't do anything else. Absentmindedly, she put the stack of music sheets to the side without taking her eyes off him.

And then her legs went back to work, taking slow steps towards him. Until she was right in front of him.

She eyed Elijah closely, just as he did to her. Her heart was pounding when all these memories finally became clear and the fog in her head slowly cleared and disappeared.

She lovingly looked at him, felt the urge to touch the now longer hair, but held back. She could hardly describe the relief she was experiencing. But then another feeling came up, which prevailed for a brief moment.

She swung out and a second later Elijah's cheek was adorned with a red handprint. Perplexed, his head had fallen to one side and he blinked several times in surprise at the strength of the single slap in the face. He tensed his jaw muscles to suppress the uncomfortable tingling and burning sensation and rubbed his dry lips. He slowly looked at her.

"Don’t you ever do that again," she irritably hissed and Elijah inhaled sharply. To be honest, her action shouldn't surprise him either. Her temperament had always been unpredictable.

He just looked at her. He didn't really know what to say to the slap in the face. But he could see her facial features softening and the suppressed tears still squeezing into the corners of her eyes.

"Okay, I can be angry with you afterwards."

At the same moment she pulled him down and pressed her lips to his.

The feeling was intoxicating, Elijah couldn't deny that. He immediately closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her waist, pressing her so tightly to him that no sheet of paper would fit between the two. He could taste her tears on his lips and for a moment he wasn't sure if it was his own little one that had escaped one of his eyes.

He could feel her arms wrapped around his neck and her fingertips buried in the short hair there. Y/N's lips felt so soft and good that he prayed that this moment would never be over. He just wanted to stand there and hold and feel and taste her. He didn't want to let her go.

It was hard to tell what was missing until you found it. It had been that way so many years ago, and the last five years she hadn't been with him had been hell for him. He didn't like to admit it, but Niklaus had been right. A part of him had boarded this train with her back then; his heart.

Breathless, she pulled away from him and pressed her forehead against his. He gently ran his thumb along her cheek, brushing away the traces of tears. He could feel her breath on his skin and he looked at her lovingly.

"Never go away again."

Elijah nodded as she tightened her arms around his neck and buried her face in it. He closed his eyes and hugged her even tighter. “I promise."

Elijah didn't see his brother, didn't know he was watching them.

Klaus stood a little apart, out of his brother's line of sight, and smiled contentedly - one of the few honest smiles known from the hybrid. "Always and forever, brother," he said softly. "Always and forever."

#Elijah mikaelson #Klaus Mikaelson #Mikaelson #Rebekah Mikaelson #The Originals #TVD #The Vampire Diaries #Vampire Diaries #New Orleans #subway #Freya Ridings #Lost without you #angst #fluff #happy ending #love #witch #vampire #salvatore #mystic falls #Chigaco #Fanfiction #Oneshot

[bizarropurugly]

Taking to my own post so I’m not responding on OP’s

@mirainikki​ 

1. Being ace isn’t “not wanting to fuck” it’s not feeling sexual attraction and yes in fact acephobia exists.

2a. I didn’t compare oppressions, oppressions can’t be compared. Doesn’t matter if it’s acephobia v transphobia, or lesbophobia v transphobia, or racism v transphobia. Not how that shit works. Didn’t mention any single fucking thing like it. 

I said OP was like transphobic parents in trying to pull the “I knew better about this person than they knew about themself therefore I refuse to acknowledge how they identified”. 

Keep in mind the girl made several posts saying she was ace DAYS before her murder, was never deleted either. OP is fucking lying. OP claims she secretly contacted OP and only OP just before her murder to say it was a phase / she made it up / she changed her mind / etc. HOW does that not sound suspect to you? Oh right, because you’re an exclus and you want ANY reason to shit on ace people. 

edit: And apparently OP told you a different story too! So far I’ve seen OP say she was joking, she made it up, she meant she had a phase, she WAS having a phase, and that she changed her mind right after she said it. Again HOW DOES THAT NOT SOUND SUSPICIOUS?? ffs

2b, Also the whole “well even if she was ace we shouldn’t even associate her with her identity” thing is pretty fucking typical of transphobes, homophobes, queerphobes, etc because they don’t want us to exist. “Why do you have to bring up the queer card she died you know!” is a fucking Bad Take regardless which LGBT+ identity we’re talking about. 

Like what if she was a lesbian? What if she was trans? You know axes of oppression can intersect and that’s why LGBT+ women get harder hit than men on a general basis right??

3. I’m queer and trans and I fuck, you stupid wretch. Stripping me of my identity to win discourse points is what anti-LGBT+ people do. Like OP. Like @x--x. Exclusies gonna be exclusies I Fucking Guess. Go fuck yourself. 

@mochiflour​

See above point 2a. That’s our proof OP’s lying. Is your guys’ proof just going to be “I followed her sometimes” like OP?

And actually, her identity matters. See above point 2b. It fucking matters just like it would have if she was a lesbian, etc. A THING CAN BE MISOGYNISTIC AND APHOBIC AT THE SAME TIME. Or are you one of those exclusies who think aphobia is “just misogyny” as if that wouldn’t be telling on yourselves (ie, that you’re misogynists when you mock aspec people’s experiences)?

Nobody used it for discourse. No, what happened was people spammed the ace tags with her fucking body, threats of violence, mockery, etc. Ace people also started talking about facing similar violence and their own stories of survival. YOU guys turned the second thing into “discourse” when ace people tried to mourn one of their own and tried to talk about how this shit affects them, while thoroughly fucking ignoring the first thing happening.

You can’t accuse us of “using her death for discourse” right after “even if she was lying” and defending OP as if that wouldn’t be using her death for discourse!?

Regardless, fuck you as well. I know you both don’t ACTUALLY give a shit on this so here’s your wallet photo back.

#funny how mentions don't fucking work on tumblr's update now #I can only see them in the little lightning bolt activity popup and not the page #ace discourse --- #crapfest

[flamediel]

Hey beautiful! I got a question. Regarding Zabdiel and him saying something he wasn't suppose to say in that interview. I'm slightly confused. See, I'm black, and I thought that black people brought Puerto Ricans into our culture a long time ago, kinda giving them rights. Growing up, in New York, I've heard Puerto Ricans say it all the time around us and nobody be offended. Artists like Fat Joe says it all the time in his songs, and I remember J Lo saying it on some of her RnB records. Maybe it's because they were engrossed in our culture? I mean, he definitely should not of said it in an interview, but can he not say it period? Please understand I am not condoning his actions, just asking to be educated, because apparently my upbringing has told me otherwise. Anyways, stay awesome!

Ok jokes, THIS is the last ask im answering tonight. Sorry it took me so long, I wanted to make sure I was wording everything right.

I've spoken to @jane-ray about this a lot, and since she's puerto rican I'm going to defer to her regarding her country's history. From my understanding of our conversations, PRs history and culture is very strongly influenced by blackness and black culture. Therefore, many Puerto Ricans have grown up surrounded by and immersed in aspects of black culture, which I think is what youre referring to here. I think this is a really good point. Puerto Ricans celebrate black holidays, take part in black traditions, and the lines of 'ours' vs 'theirs' is much more blurred than it is with, say, nonblack Americans.

A similar example of this is adele, who grew up in a very ethnic part of London and wore bantu buns to carnaval. While, from an outside perspective, it looked like cultural appropriation, afro-caribbean Brits quickly stood up for her. Given the context of the event and the place she grew up in, she was appreciating the culture and taking part of it respectfully. In my view, the same applies to puerto ricans.

HOWEVER. this does not equal us "giving them rights." The culture was shared on the basis of mutual experience. PR culture has a lot of black influence, yes; the country has become a melting pot of different traditions and has formed its own culture out of it. That doesn't mean that all puerto ricans are now black. Non black puerto ricans cannot participate in closed practices from other black communities, for example. They dont have 'rights' to pur heritage. They've become a part of it in some aspects, sure, but thats it. They don't have a black pass. And the n word? The n word is not a product of black culture. It is a product of white culture that we have reclaimed. It is a slur that was used to traumatise and oppress the black community for decades, and regardless of how much cultural sharing happens nonblack people CANNOT say it, because it is simply not part of the culture being shared. At the end of the day, its use by nonblack people is oppressive, regardless of their heritage. Being from PR doesn't excuse anyone from saying the word

Also, jlo has gone under fire for her usage, as have other latine artists. Just because some people think its ok to use a slur doesn't mean it is. And even if you, as a black person, dont have a problem with it, the reality is this word has a history of oppression for our community, and it is inherently racist for any nonblack person to utter it. Considering antiblackness in the latine community is INCREDIBLY prominent, someone being puerto rican is not an excuse to use it.

So, for me, it doesn't matter if someone is engrossed in the culture, or grew up in a black community or is from PR. that can give you a pass for other things, and is part of the reason I wasn't AS mad at zabdiel wearing the durag. It very well could have been a normal part of his upbringing. The n word is not something that black people have opened to others. If it is not a slur that was used against you and your people, no matter how immersed in the culture you are, you simply cannot reclaim the slur. All you are doing is claiming it and in doing so harming the people it was used against. If youre a nonblack poc and you can't cut it out of your vocabulary for the sake of black people's comfort, then you're just as malicious as our oppressors

#qsks #racism tw #antiblackness tw #cnco #zabdiel de jesus #this was long hut i hope it helped

[panharmonium]

some meandering bbc merlin thoughts that got too long for tags on this gifset.

normal disclaimers apply, which, given that i’m evaluating media, means that these are just my own thoughts and nobody else need agree with them; i don’t expect all of us to have the exact same impressions of tv shows. :) 

now, without further ado:

i started to type a novel in the tags of that gifset, but it got too long, so i’m moving it over to an actual post.  and what i wanted to say there is this: my thing about arthur isn’t that his story was badly written.  it’s that it was incomplete.

it’s probably more common for folks to assign responsibility to the writing, and that’s totally fine; i definitely get it - there are places in this show where i think things could have been handled better as well.  (i did write sixteen pages about how poorly executed the finale was, after all.)  but for my own part, i personally don’t think most of the story was badly written.  i think it was unfinished.

and what i mean by that is that i sincerely think that almost everything bbc merlin did could have been pulled together in a meaningful way after 5.11, and that if this had happened, then we would be evaluating the previous seasons differently, because things that seemed to not fit or be nonsensical or not be given enough attention would have been pursued all the way through to their natural conclusions.  

i’m not sure if it’s because i watched the show so late, or because i watched it in a spoiler-phobic bubble isolated from fandom input, but my own assessment of this show seems to exist in kind of a weird limbo-place on the spectrum of fandom opinions, because i don’t like how it ended, but i also don’t dislike the writing, up to the point of the finale.  are there things that could have been improved, or quibbles i have?  definitely.  i can list them for you.  but overall?  i still believed in the story at the 5.11 mark.  there were things i sometimes thought ‘oh, i’m not sure about this,’ but i always gave the show the benefit of the doubt, because i truly did feel that things were going somewhere.  anything the show did that gave me pause wasn’t something that couldn’t eventually have been made meaningful, if the show had actually...been finished.* 

(*elyan’s death excepted.  that’s one of the things on my list, and i think it might be the only thing besides the finale that doesn’t fall under the criteria i’ll discuss below.  it was a bad decision, flat-out, and could not have been improved by finishing the story.)

so for example, morgana.  if i were going to critique her development, yeah, i’d say that we don’t get enough of her internal conflict; she goes from the voice of moral authority to (apparently) delighting in wickedness very quickly, offscreen, and the constant smirking doesn’t show us what we know must be true - that she hasn’t become like this because she enjoys it; that she is wounded and her rage at arthur, gwen, merlin et al comes from a very real place of pain.  

but, as i said above - even though her development was something i recognized as questionable while i was watching, it didn’t make me too nervous, because i really trusted that the story was eventually and slowly taking us to the place it needed to go.  you could see her conflict, sometimes, in her confrontations with arthur, and that conflict finally took center stage in 5.09, when mordred confronted her and appealed to her humanity.  they were getting there.

and evaluating her development solely from what we ended up getting, i agree: now the writing just looks Bad.  but it wouldn’t have been bad, if it had been finished.  i would have completely believed morgana closing herself off from regret/sadness/compassion/any feelings at all for her former friends; it would have been okay for her to be so smirky, cold, etc; because it wouldn’t have been the endpoint for her arc, but rather a front to protect herself from the true conflict she felt.  we would have gotten more than that.  the story would have taken her farther than that.  but the story was incomplete, and so everything that came before it just looks like a mess that ran off a cliff.

this is how i feel about almost all of the “questionable” writing things on this show.  it’s not that they were ‘bad’ decisions in and of themselves, but they look that way in the rearview mirror because they never had the chance to develop into what they were supposed to be. 

take arthur, for another example.  i honestly don’t have a problem with his arc in S4 and S5.  i completely believe what a horrible and unadmirable mess he is for most of S4.  i believe that he would absolutely revert to thinking about “what would my father do” as soon as the realities of kingship are thrust upon him.  and i love how in S5 he’s moved past that and IS admirable in so many other ways, but then we start once again addressing the central conflict, which is that he’s still oppressing part of his population, and he starts to hit roadblocks again.  5.05 and 5.11 are the crisis points there, and honestly, i didn’t have a problem with how they unfolded (i mean, i did, but not in the sense of ‘this is bad writing and i hate it.’  rather in the sense of ‘this is fucking painful but i believe it’).  

the problem for me was never that it took arthur too long to accept magic or that he backslid or anything like that, because quite frankly i found all of that to be believable, given the circumstances.  the problem was that the show ended before he was ever allowed to progress past that.  he never atoned for anything he did.  he, like morgana, was never allowed to go where he was meant to go, because the show stopped before it was over.  if he had, all of his previous missteps wouldn’t have felt so much like ‘bad writing,’ they would have just been natural steps on his long journey.

same thing goes for gwen.  do i have a problem with her being sidelined towards the end of the show?  abso-fucking-LUTELY.  that’s on my list.  did her relationship with morgana deserve a resolution?  YES.  but it still could have happened!  if there had been more time, the show could have dealt with that.  gwen’s enchantment by morgana could have meant something, could have prompted something bigger; gwen could have taken the reins and started pushing arthur, who has entrenched himself into old ways, to start thinking from a place of compassion, even though it’s risky and it scares her.  or she could have broken with arthur’s decisions completely and made a move of her own.  if they had been given the time, nothing that happened to gwen prior to 5.11 precluded her character from going somewhere important.

and merlin - merlin could have gotten what he deserved, which is a resolution to the question he’s been struggling with since literally day one: how do i justify serving a regime that oppresses me?  how do i reconcile my responsibility to my people (and MYSELF) with an externally-imposed responsibility to protect arthur?  

merlin never settles on an answer to that question.  or rather, the answer he’s given is that he doesn’t need to be conflicted in the first place; protecting arthur was the right thing to do (even though it ultimately achieves nothing).

merlin deserved to have a chance to work out the answer to that question for himself, rather than having his core dilemma wiped aside.  and, much like my opinion on everyone else’s arcs, i don’t think the writing on this show ever took merlin to a place where this problem couldn’t be addressed.  i don’t find merlin’s arc questionable; i am fully convinced by the hole he’s dug for himself by 5.11.  merlin’s descent into single-minded preservation of arthur’s life at the expense of his own welfare/moral compass is absolutely tragic, yet also absolutely believable, to me - merlin’s been told all along that saving arthur is the only way to save his people, and now he’s been presented with so much evidence to the contrary - and yet he doesn’t want to admit that it’s all been for nothing - it’s honestly…i honestly actually think it’s spectacularly crafted.  that scene with finna in 5.10 is absolutely the most devastating thing i think i’ve ever witnessed on this show - when merlin’s on the verge of passing out and he murmurs, ‘it won’t always be like this.  things will be better.’  and you can see he’s just telling himself a lie, over and over again, trying to believe.  and then when he says ‘running…from arthur?’ because he knows, he knows it’s true that arthur is the real threat, arthur is the one with the sword at all their throats, but merlin has come to care about him so much - 

truly, they hit a point there that was just - fucking amazing.  that was the moment.  that, leading into 5.11, was the axis point for merlin’s unavoidable moral crisis, and there was so much potential there and so many places for it to go, but then the show just ended.  conflicts wiped away.  no wrongs ever righted.  merlin never comes into his own.  he never finds his feet.

but he could have.

so again.  what i’m saying here is that for me, for my particular experience with this show, i actually don’t dislike the writing, up until the very finale.  i think the writing actually brought us to a place that was fairly exploding with possibility.  but then the show just stopped, and that’s why it’s so easy to find places to critique the previous seasons, because of course it all looks poorly constructed now.  it isn’t finished.

#the once and future slowburn #meta #long post #even if merlin wasn't cancelled (which i have my doubts about tbh; who announces that their show is ending four weeks before the finale?) #the ultimate effect is still that of a cancelled show #if you took away the last two episodes i would never have guessed we were that close to the 'end' #there was still so much to deal with! #but anyway #on the whole merlin is a show that for some reason went over extremely positively with me for almost its entire run #i see spots where i would tweak things too #but recognizing merlin as an unfinished story has kept me from feeling that too deeply #most of the things i would tweak are things i KNOW would have been okay #if only they had been given the space to develop fully #and come to a natural conclusion #so for me #i never felt like this show tanked #not until the finale #i was as deeply engaged in 5.11 as i was in 1.01 #and then they just - pulled the plug when the story wasn't anywhere near finished #THAT was the problem for me #not that what came before wasn't good; but that what was supposed to come after was never allowed to happen #(everybody's different and i know not everybody had the same experience as me; which is totally understandable) #(but that's where i'm at) #¯\_(ツ)_/¯