#what am I trying to say I dunno

[insignificantstrawberry]

the way I see social media reminisce about steven universe is so weird to me it’s like they act like it’s radioactive and engaging directly with the show will result in your face melting

I was having fun I don’t know about you guys I mean my phone background is still Opal I find it kinda funny I find it kind of sad

#what am I trying to say I dunno #I didn’t like. do the fan stuff for that show? I was procrastinating on writing essays in uni and waiting for the Steven Bombs #I was oblivious on my lil fishin dingy happily watching for cute pics and fun theories #meanwhile. there were monsters swimming far beneath. #I want to remain oblivious if you see me posting SU just straight up SU with no irony or sarcasm or whatever that’s me baby #please watch Steven universe #is my og tag aw good times #anyway I gotta get ready for work

[butchfalin]

the funniest meltdown ive ever had was in college when i got so overstimulated that i could Not speak, including over text. one of my friends was trying to talk me through it but i was solely using emojis because they were easier than trying to come up with words so he started using primarily emojis as well just to make things feel balanced. this was not the Most effective strategy... until. he tried to ask me "you okay?" but the way he chose to do that was by sending "👉🏼👌🏼❓" and i was so shocked by suddenly being asked if i was dtf that i was like WHAT???? WHAT DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?????????? and thus was verbal again

#yeehaw #1k #5k #10k #posts that got cursed. blasted. im making these tag updates after... 19 hours? #also i have been told it should say speech loss bc nonverbal specifically refers to the permanent state. did not know that! #unfortunately i fear it is so far past containment that even if i edited it now it would do very little. but noted for future reference #edit 2: nvm enough ppl have come to rb it from me directly that i changed the wording a bit. hopefully this makes sense #also. in case anyone is curious. though i doubt anyone who is commenting these things will check the original tags #1) my friend did not do this on purpose in any way. it was not intended to distract me or to hit on me. im a lesbian hes a gay man. cmon now #he felt very bad about it afterwards. i thought it was hilarious but it was very embarrassed and apologetic #2) “why didn't he use 🫵🏼?” didn't exist yet. “why didn't he use 🆗?” dunno! we'd been using a lot of hand emojis. 👌🏼 is an ok sign #like it makes sense. it was just a silly mixup. also No i did not invent 👉🏼👌🏼 as a gesture meaning sex. do you live under a rock #3) nonspeaking episodes are a recurring thing in my life and have been since i was born. this is not a quirky one-time thing #it is a pervasive issue that is very frustrating to both myself and the people i am trying to communicate with. in which trying to speak is #extremely distressing and causes very genuine anguish. this post is not me making light of it it's just a funny thing that happened once #it's no different than if i post about a funny thing that happened in conjunction w a physical disability. it's just me talking abt my life #i don't mind character tags tho. those can be entertaining. i don't know what any of you are talking about #Except the ppl who have said this is pego/ryu or wang/xian. those people i understand and respect #if you use it as a writing prompt that's fine but send it to me. i want to see it #aaaand i think that's it. everyday im tempted to turn off rbs on it. it hasn't even been a week

[uncanny-tranny]

Sometimes, it's really frustrating when people say that trans men (and transmasculine or otherwise) don't know what it's like to be treated as predatory because we're "treated like women who need to be saved."

I don't think I have ever been treated like anything other than a potential predator because I am a trans man, you know? I see it in the way I am treated like a contagion, like something that must be eradicated in order to protect the interests of others. You see it in the way that "masculinizing" transition is demonized - the idea that testosterone makes you a roid monster, that we're ruining any chances of being an incubator.

I just think it's insensitive that people assume what trans experience entails, you know? I think it's insensitive when people talk over other people's experiences with transphobia... are some trans men or otherwise transmasculine people sometimes treated like damsels to be rescued? Yes, and I've seen it firsthand. But that isn't the only way we can face transphobia, and to act like that is the only "real experience" we have of transphobia is missing the point.

#trans #transgender #lgbt #lgbtq #ftm #nonbinary #transphobia #transphobia tw #like being treated like a potential predator just because i'm trans has ruined my self-perception and how i interact with the world #it's essentially ruined a big part of my life and while i am doing my best to heal... it still hurts y'know #i dunno i just think this is a larger conversation than what people might be ready to have? who knows #this post isn't me trying to say that my experience is the Only One. more like mine is Just Another Experience #and it's Just Another Experience i'd like people to consider before assuming all trans men/transmasc people have [x] experience #just saw something that was kinda frustrating which is why i make this lmaooo

[sleepinglionhearts]

Once again I am thinking about becoming an art teacher vs. thinking about how fast I'd get fired if I became an art teacher

#idk I work well with kids but I dunno if I'd survive a classroom overfull of 'em #and like ok sure I could try teaching in Austin or something but the thing is #I would WANT to teach in town or in some other middle of nowhere small town because I feel like #those are the students who like. NEED to have someone teaching them wild ideas about art and communication #and what art can do and what art does and what art has to say #i would get so fired so fucking fast lol some kid would be like 'guess what we did in class today' #and then parents would come down on me for teaching art history to their 12 year olds #and not in the conservative white friendly way hsgshsgshs #oh who am i kidding I'd get fired as soon as parents (or some other teachers!!) find out I'm queer #happened to my 10th grade english teacher #anyway. just having some thoughts tonight

[front-facing-pokemon]

#mega swampert #NOW they're angry! what about? i dunno‚ but they're gonna tell you! #this mega is definitely *cool*—it actually introduces a significant difference. turns swampert into a big tank guy #which i think is badass‚ even if i wouldn't really take it over regular swampert‚ personally. it really changes the look and vibe #and i'm a bigger fan of the more lanky regular swampert‚ honestly #i'm running on three and a half hours of sleep i'm Desperately trying to come up with something interesting to say here #my bedroom has two big-ass windows in it that let in sunlight so it always wakes me up at like 9 AM sharp #and i went to bed at like 5 PM last night. didn't even fall asleep until like 6. so i'm a little bit wrecked this morning but y'know #this isn't the place to talk about that. this is a place to talk about mega swampert. and here that is!!!

[thatoneluckybee]

Bee I don't know how to tell you this but none of these are colors /j

#Erm actually I unlocked shrimp colors #also i wrote those at liek 6 am after an all nighter. so. dunno what i was trying to say #but it was terrifying to read the next day so i kept it #asks #kirexa

[soggypotatoes]

god.. i have this Energy that causes people to open up to me real quick - i'm talking strangers on the street, people i've just met, etc. sometimes they'll be out here confessing their deepest secrets and traumas with no prompting. i dont even do anything, they just do it!!

i dont mind at all tho. i actually like it; i can handle a lot. it's just funny sometimes. i thought it was way more normal than it is. i joked with a coworker about random strangers trauma dumping while i'm surveying them and she was like 'that... has never happened to me, in the 8 years i've been doing this job'

reader... it had happened twice just that day lmao

and today this girl who's extremely peppy in class, speaks up a lot and often says how much she likes everything and how she's happy a lot and gets excited for everything

we've had like 2 interactions and today when we're both early to class she's dropping her pretense (like her face went completely flat) and telling me she hasn't felt an emotion in years and her dad controls every aspect of her life

like... lol??? i'm gonna be a great therapist probably

#i think the funniest was when i walked home with a new girl in choir once #i say girl.. she was in her 30s and i was like 21 #she was v popular and friendly with everyone #on the walk to the station she told me she was having an affair #and said she'd never told anyone before #we'd had like 1 conversation before this #but i guess. she knew i was safe to tell #bc when i asked about her relationship. i understood. and i mean #i've had people confess reallly bad things to me. i honestly dont judge them #i guess they must be able to sense that vibe? #i just have a very firm belief in me that people are just people. who are trying their best #no matter who they hurt #or what they do #i dunno. but i am VERY interested in talking to this girl more #ed mumbles

[mars-ipan]

one of my fav aspec community things is when a bunch of aspecs try to dissect and understand allo behavior. it’s like a group of scientists looking at lab data and trying to figure out Why

#marzi speaks #‘and they’re more likely to buy a car when the ads for that car have women in bikinis in them???’ #‘fascinating…’ #that or it’s like watching animals with a group of people and trying to figure out how they socialize #‘what the fuck are you seeing this?? look that one’s rubbing the other one’s arm. and they’re blushing. why do you think they’re doing that #‘i dunno could be fun.’ ‘ehhhhh i’ll pass’ #extra funny when nobody consults an actual allo so everyone in the conversation comes to some false conclusion #‘of course! they have to be exaggerating- surely nobody would say something like that and actually mean it! we are so clever’ #genuinely tho allos why do you do that shit. it’s kind of entertaining and kind of disturbing. why do u act like that #i am deeply curious but also kind of intimidated

[samarecharm]

Im not gonna hold u; this big run was miserable. Like the map was just So Fucking Bad. High tide was hell. Getting horrorboros on hightide was an immediate death sentence. Reg tide was annoying (having the natural spawn be a foot away from the ramp close to the basket was not okay who let this happen???) Low tide was BAD like SO BAD there is just no way u can say its okay to have all threats from all directions AND have me climb up to get long range threats???? And u know its awful when they have to literally hide the fucking big shot cannon behind a lower ledge directly outside their own spawning geyser bc the alternative would make it laughably close to spawn 😭😭😭😭😭 and on top of this, they gave us arguably the worst grizzco weapon (brella) for a run that incentivizes high scores like just seeing Three Grizzco Brellas and a Rapid Blaster Pro for High Tide immediately made me want to give up; a [grizzco] Charger or Blaster wouldve been way more manageable for the absolute dogshit spawns they gave us. No one uses specials, or if i check the app for boss kills, ill see that our only solution to NINE (FUCKING NINE) flyfish was a killerwail that wants so so SO desperately to lock on to this maws underground and an inkstrike that needs to u be midrange to throw and that never happens bc all of us are pushed into high tide territory bc again. They have decided that having their spawns be right next to the basket was okay. I never complain about splatoon or salmon run rotations and i literally will just suck it up if they give us bad weapons but i literally had No Fucking Fun at all. It was 100% stressful and im blessed to have even found a decent freelance group that got me to 153 eggs like i wont get gold but i hope thats at least silver 😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫😵‍💫

#i am saying this as like #someone who got to evp 600 #like it was just not fun at all at this difficulty #people were so excited about funney out of bounds glitches for high tide #and weird spots for grillers and glowflies on reg tide #that those levels were almost impossible bc they would go SO far away from the bucket to show off some stupid exploit #and have the eggs so far away that we would only complete quota at best #like 😭😭😭 we are trying to get a high score why is this so hard to ask for #maybe i can play today; like only the people who want a high score will be playing at this point now #anyway #i dunno what to tag this as aside from #splatoon #splatoon 3 #for filtering #i am just so 🔥🔥🔥 #i am in love w horrorboros tho like what a BOSS i love them #excited to see him outside of Inkblot art academy #<< said with an incredible amount of disdain in her voice

[ichorblossoms]

ik i do rb scenic desert stuff on occasion but also i wanna throw my own photos on this blog so you guys can understand some of what i'm coming from for The Vibes. or smthin like that

#i currently have. three stories that take place in what is essentially the sonoran desert but fictional #ttw takes place in the city so it's not as overt as honeybee bc that one actually features the desert as a setting and not only #as the surrounding landscape to the city #when the smoke clears also takes place in the desert but i need to think more abt how that affects the setting if that makes sense #btw whenever i say i need to go wander in the desert this is what i mean hgkhfdl i live in the city tho so it's not as easy as just #stepping outside. gotta go drive n shit. i'd like to go on more hikes but maybe i should try to invite ppl on them idk #mmm. it's heating up though dunno how many people wanna go hiking in 80-90 degree weather. i mean i would but #<me saying that is not a flex i get cold once it drops below 70 i am pathetically bad at producing body heat #looking through my photos is also like. where the fuck are the saguaros. i see those bitches constantly #thicker than water #honeybee #when the smoke clears #honeybee worldbuilding

[sm-writes-chaos]

my ocs really are just facets of myself holy ezerk

#if I was cooler that is #or stupider #actually I am both but am able to hold it back enough to seem like a normal human being #sometimes I get a little to silly and forget to actually try and be normal (in the way where I don't shutdown and can form actual words) #and those times are scary because they look at me weird #like I cant actually say words I am blubbering and laughing nervously and hesitating until I realize need to PULL MYSELF TOGETHER #and stop thinking so much and actually say something #I forget that I cannot pause time and take as long as I need to respond #example #person: have this brownie #me: oh no I *heavy breathing thinking'no I cant take this brownie I've had enough I will get sick I need to smile SMILE what do I say wait #I know what to say ohmugosh get out of your own head TALK' No thanks! <- suddenly snaps back to reality corrects posture and smiles #I like get trapped in my own brain #wait how did this turn into a rant????? #uh #gbye #I dunno how to explain this does this make sense?

[madegeeky]

Never thought I'd see a cop show be so fucking liberal and thoughtful as to acknowledge that a person who is diagnosed with psychopathy is not, by default, a serial killer. They have "persistent antisocial behavior, impaired empathy and remorse, and bold, disinhibited, and egotistical traits" (Wikipedia) but none of that means that they are going to (or have) become a serial killer. (The show uses the word "psychopathy" so that's what I'll be using.)

The basic premise of the show, which is the Korean drama Bad Guys, is that a detective uses 3 prisoners to help him fight crime, usually people who have killed repeatedly. There's the mobster, the hitman, and the aforementioned psychopath, Jung-moon.

It later turns out that Jung-moon has been framed for the serial killings that he went to jail for. He was framed, in fact, by the detective he is now working for because, well, he was a psychopath so that meant that it had to be him, even if there was no real evidence.

But it is wrong and the show specifically states that. It was wrong, the show says, that this was done to someone no matter what they were diagnosed with. It was wrong, the show says, that the detective assumed the worst of Jung-moon because of his diagnosis. It was wrong, the show says, that Jung-moon was sent to prison for years. It was cruel and awful and wrong.

And the show never refutes that Jung-moon has psychopathy! Never! No one ever calls it into question, tries to say that he didn't do the killings because he's not obviously not a psychopath. He has psychopathy but he still didn't deserve to go to jail or be treated the way he was treated. The psychopathy is never used as a reason to make it better or understandable that he was sent away.

They even have the detective apologize to Jung-moon! "I branded you as a psychopath, blaming everything on you," says the detective. "I'm sorry. Please forgive me." There's no attempt to make excuses, to pretend that there was another reason he thought it was Jung-moon. He straight up just admits that that was the only reason he targeted Jung-moon. And he acknowledges that this was wrong and cruel of him.

The detective then gives Jung-moon his gun and tells him that he deserves to be shot by the other man. And Jung-moon puts the gun to the detective's head and says, "I can't feel the emotions you fee. Because I can't feel those feelings, I wanted to learn them. Whether it's blame, sadness, happiness, I learned from you for the past couple months." And then Jung-moon doesn't pull the trigger. He's a psychopath. He has low empathy and low self-control and he still doesn't kill the detective.

I just wasn't expecting such a nuanced, respectful, and kind look at a character diagnosed with psychopathy from a silly little cop drama which is basically just a mystery with cops being overly dramatic and a fuck ton of fight scenes. It was just incredibly refreshing to see.

#geeky talks #geeky talks bad guys (2014) #now jung-moon did indeed kill people #but by the laws of cop dramas they were totally acceptable killings #(he walked in to find his parents' dead bodies #and killed the murderers that were still there) #also i don't think i once called him by his real name while watching the show #he looks like a kpop star so i called him kpop the whole time #but it felt wrong to try to make a serious post and call the character kpop #so i went and looked up his name so i could actually use it #any way the tv series is on tubi (which is free) #i've linked it above if anyone is interested #although for some reason on tubi it says it came out in 2024 when it came out in 2014 #i dunno what that's about but just a heads up #i tried so hard to make this shorter but that's just not the sort of person i am so here it is

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

#it's so weird trying to describe yourself when u really aren't something u used to be #like until i was probably 21 or so id say i was shy. very very shy. but now im like was that even true? was i ever shy bc im not now #maybe i was just quiet and anxious. maybe thats just what being shy is. but im still both of those things but im not shy #im sorta like a hermit. i dont really go around ppl if i can avoid it but i dont hate being around ppl. its just that im less anxious when #im alone. but if u put me around ppl i like to talk to them so im not shy. ill say whatever. i dont really give a fuck #but if u throw me in a group i go back to being a non entity. i guess thats just being an introvert with an asocial streak #thats a thing i noticed while i was at the grad weekend i attended in march. the group would gather and do things while i kinda just #wandered away from them to poke at trees and sit in the snow. i dunno i just feel better away from ppl. my brain gets a lot louder if ive #been too social. which is a shame bc its interesting to watch ppl and understand how thry work #my friend came over to day goodbye before i leave next week. which was nice. i wish we would have hung out more in person but so it goes #and i think in my head im a lot more contained thst i actually am. like if u set me a task that becomes my focus but im also sorta all over #the place. partly bc i think my brain works on like a lag. and also my mood is a little elevated rn so im sorta like *jazz hands* and #talking too fast and too much and oversharing. yesterday i was instrucing an undergrad and felt so bad bc my brain was all over the place. #could not b made linear. im tired now tho bc theres nothing more draining than being emotionally honest and talking for like 2hrs. woof. it #so hot. like fucking so hot bc the monsoons have started and humidity is up so my swamp cooler is fucked and its gotta b at least 80 degree #inside my apartment. holy christ. and the temp has been over 100 degrees for like at least 2 weeks. its so hot its kinda alarming. and im #glad my friend was also freaked out by how hot its been bc oh god its hot. and i cant focus. ive done fuck all today. but i did get rid of #couch which is so so so great. ugh. someone make the sun stop making it so hot #unrelated #its been over 100 degrees outside for like 2 weeks. not on my apartment #and when i say i wish i spent more time with my friend irl. i mean it in a distant sort of way. like thats how im supposed to feel. like i #dont kno if thats actually what i feel or i kno im supposed to b social but idk if i actually mean it

[front-facing-pokemon]

#cascoon #it's like silcoon‚ but purple and pointy! desperately trying to remember how this one comes about. i'm gonna seem like a fake pokémon fan #i know silcoon and cascoon are both evolutions of wurmple. but i don't remember what the criteria are. is it a gender thing? hold on google #oh. it's just. some hidden personality value. so it's effectively random #y'know what. i think that's better than it being a gender thing. shoutout. but it could be considerably more interesting #maybe i'm just conditioned by the hitmonline to think that every evolution criteria has to be stupid and obscure and insane #or finizen At All #or all the stupid-ass trade evos. do not like trade evos. i do Not like trade evos! i have said this before but i will keep saying it #i just realized i called cascoon purple and pointy as though silcoon was not pointy. i'm not with it at all this morning #i just woke up‚ y'all. can you tell. can you tell i'm not sentient yet. i have to go to work in like an hour and a half and i am Not ready #anyway. i'm gonna get this guy up in the queue and dustox and then take my meds. see you guys in the dustox post #this must look so weird to y'all. since dustox is gonna be either multiple hours or a whole Day after cascoon #but i queue up two to three pokémon at once every morning to keep a good backlog in the queue in case one morning i miss it #which has happened before. it's saved my ass before. and i'm gonna need to use it at the beginning of july #sneak peek for you guys. i'll be heading out of town on june 30th to go to the other side of the country for work. so i won't be around #any posts you see from june 30th to july 4th are gonna be like super duper queued in advance. and i probably won't be able to answer asks #or anything like that. i dunno if i'll do a formal announcement bc no one will even notice but for you dear reader #who read this deep into my mile-long cascoon tags. you now know that i will be out of town from june 30th to july 4th #use this power wisely….

[bare1ythere]

eepy

#it feels very weird to be back in my dorm for the summer #last summer was so bad. I was so lonely the whole time it almost killed me #and Im feeling that start to creep up on me again even though I hung out with a friend for hours yesterday #and im talking with online friends basically all day #but idk. I called my mom today and she was looking at facebook the whole time I called her (i could tell) #and I always feel so so worthless no matter what I do #I try so hard but I just!! cant connect with people! in a meaningful way! #I want to be in an active groupchat. a friend group thats always buzzing #to hop in vc and not feel trapped by my own problems with socializing #people reach out to me and i thank them and dont really come back (because im introverted and also because I feel so annoying all the time #people say im nice but sometimes I do genuinely wonder if thats all i am #like i am nice! but thats it. no one wants to talk to me beyond that because im also insufferably awkward and annoying #but in brief exchanges hey at least im nice! #sigh. i dunno #I have no self confidence and I feel guilty for doubting the people who are nice to me #or not trusting when they say they like having me around #because I just. I cant believe it. I dont get it. I dont like having me around and Im ME lmao #as I say so often in my head #if it makes you feel any better im constantly crushed by guilt and shame 👍 #shut up me

[ezraphobicsoup]

the car seat is headresting that’s for certain

#watching bake off and in my head it’s just vague twin fantasy #‘woah that’s a nice cake’ ‘cute thing don’t be a rude thing!!!!!!!!’ rauasasaaaaaaa #man i still have so much work to do but this is more fun #i want to like. gain the power of flight i think #i want to detach all my limbs and move them about and put them back together #and i don’t mean that in an unhappy way i should clarify im doing alright this evening #but like. i want to dance as if i did not have a human body and just explode everywhere and and and #hjhhhhhhhhhhhhhh #i don’t think this is only csh i think it’s also cause concerts are slightly different to what i thought they were #turns out it’s actually more convenient but it’s different so it’s the end of the world etc #man i remember one time i was at choir and someone jokingly called me a tory for not liking change :( #i do like change in some respects!!!! but the plans are not the original plans what am i meant to do now #uh i’m just saying words here now huh #i dunno there’s a lot of thoughts in my head i can’t make sense of it all #i need to do my duolingo and homework and homework and homework #they’re stressed on bake off which isn’t helping i don’t think but still quite enjoyable #i need to find music teachers as soon as possible to ask questions i must not forget to do that !!! that is very important #(need to see if i can keep the baritone in school thursday -> friday next week i really hope i can #hm hm ok that’s enough of a tumblr post i need to have a shower and i’ll try and get to bed like what before one?? #no ok. half 12 half 12 that’s reasonable ok i’ll call it that #ezra’s real life rambles #ezra likes music #<- got a bit off topic but that’s the original post