#what if there was some freak tormenting you. and their design was real cool

[fluxydrawings]

was sad there wasnt any Rapid Eyes fanart on tumblr, then realized i am the god of my own world

#rapid eyes #rapid eyes red eyes #oh thats a dumb lookin tag lmao. oh well u know what i mean #fanart #my art #this is propaganda ta go watch Rapid Eyes on youtube btw. it fucks #what if there was some freak tormenting you. and their design was real cool #shout out ta my friend pjs thumb print csp brush i used it ta make the trees :deranged: #very excited ta see where this series goes lmao

[wiypt-writes]

Stark Spangled Banner

Ch36: I Bid You Farewell And Good Luck, Morons. Part 1- It’s Like A Pirate Had A Baby With An Angel.

Intro: Thor wakes up on a strange ship, surrounded by even stranger people, a talking tree and a rabbit. Meanwhile, back on Earth, the fight to save Vision is won and the group make their way back to the compound to understand what exactly it is that they’re facing. 

Warnings: Bad Language words.

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC Katie Stark

A/N: So I HAD to write Thor and Tony’s POV over the IW chapters too, because, frankly, they had some of THE best scenes in Infinity War, and I love that freaking Norse God Himbo and chaotic Stark chemistry so bad! I know this is Katie and Steve’s fic, but Steve had so little screen time in this film all things considered…we were so robbed!!! Once again, I can’t thank @angrybirdcr​ enough for her edits, they’re awesome!

Disclaimer: This is a pure work of fiction and classified as 18+. Please respect this and do not read if you are underage. I do not own any characters in this series bar Katie Stark and the other OCs. By reading beyond this point you understand and accept the terms of this disclaimer.

Chapter 35

Stark Spangled Banner Masterlist // Main Masterlist

Thor wasn’t dead. But he felt like it. Every inch of his body ached and when he was jerked back to consciousness for a moment, just one split moment, he thought he saw Little Stark. Only it wasn’t her. The woman had dark hair, yes, but as he focussed he realised she looked nothing like the woman he loved dearly as a sister. This wench had huge eyes and antenna dangling from her forehead. And, whilst he knew it had been a while since he had seen his friend, she wouldn’t have changed that much.

Finding his feet he looked around, chest heaving, at the band of people stood in front of him; a woman with green skin and red hair, a man with grey/blue skin covered in red designs, a tree creature- a Flora Colossus unless he was mistaken- which was off to the side draped over a chair, some kind of furry, animal thing- a rabbit maybe- and finally a man who appeared to be a normal, human being. That was until he opened his mouth and Thor realised he was probably the most stupid human being he had ever encountered.

His rescuers had offered him soup, and then when he had explained about Thanos, the green skinned lady called Gamora had told Thor what the Titan wanted the stones for.  Which she knew, because she his daughter.

Thanos had a daughter. Interesting.

“Families can be tough,” Thor spoke wisely, placing a hand on her shoulder. “Before my father died, he told me that I had a half-sister that he imprisoned in Hell. Then she returned home, stabbed me in the eye so, I had to kill her.” He shrugged. “That’s life though isn’t it I guess? Round and round, but I feel your pain.”

The human, Peter Quill, pushed his way between Gamora and Thor, and looked at her “I feel your pain, as well, because, I mean it’s not a competition, but I’ve been through a lot. My father killed my mother, and then I had to kill my father. And that was hard. Probably even harder than having to kill a sister. Plus, I, came out with both of my eyes.”

Thor wasn’t paying attention. The man was clearly a moron, and he’d just noticed he had bent the spoon in the bowl of soup and was having a flashback to the time he had tried to bend the Captain’s shield. Little Stark had laughed so much at how annoyed he had gotten when he failed that she had cried. And then, to make it worse, a few days later the Captain had managed to move Mjolnir. Just a fraction, but it moved. No one had seen it, bar Little Stark of course, but there was something there, Thor was sure. Steve Rogers was a man worthy of a lot of things, but his hammer was complicated. You have to prove your worth. That had been explained to him by his Father the day he had given it to him. Of course, he hadn’t realised then that Eitri had actually made it for Hela first.

Eitri… Oh, yes!

“I need a hammer, not a spoon.” Thor mumbled, as the idea took hold and he looked at the pod at the back of the ship. “How do I open this thing?” He began pressing random buttons on the screen next to the door. “Is there some sort of a four-digit code? Maybe a birth date or something?”

"What are you doing?” the rabbit animal, Rocket asked.

“Taking your pod.” Thor replied nonchalantly.

And then there was an argument in which the moron Quill tried to imitate Thor’s deeper voice telling him he could not take the pod, but Thor was going to take the pod anyway because he was the God of Thunder after all, and then the lady Gamora cut them off quite rightly directing the focus back to Thanos by stating they needed to find out where he was going next.

But Thor had already thought of that. “Knowhere,” he answered as he brushed past Quill and over to the refrigerator he had seen Gamora get his soup from.

“He must be going somewhere.” Mantis argued innocently.

“No,” Quill shook his head and Thor noted his stupid voice was back to normal. “Knowhere? It’s a place. We’ve been there. It sucks. Excuse me, that’s our food.” He jabbed,  suddenly noticing what Thor was doing.

“Not anymore.” Thor shrugged, stuffing it into a backpack he found.

“Thor!” Gamora cut across the pair of them again. “Why would he go to Knowhere?”

“Because for years, the Reality Stone has been safely stored there with a man called the Collector.” Thor stated.

“If it’s with the Collector, then it’s not safe.” Quill snorted. “Only an idiot would give that man a stone.”

“Or a genius.” Thor shrugged.

“How do you know he’s not going for one of the other stones?” Gamora asked.

“There’s six stones out there.” Thor began to explain, “Thanos already has the Power Stone because he stole it, last week, when he decimated Xandar.”

He didn’t missed the shocked and horrified look the group shared with one another.

“He stole the Space Stone from me, when he destroyed my ship and slaughtered half my people. The Time and Mind Stones, are safe on Earth. They’re with the Avengers.”

“The Avengers?” Quill asked.

“They’re Earth’s Mightiest Heroes.”

“Like Kevin Bacon?” Mantis called out.

“Errr he may be on the team now, I don’t know.” Thor shrugged, having no idea who the man named after a breakfast meat was. “I haven’t been there in a while. And as for the Soul Stone, well no one’s ever seen that. No one even knows where it is. Therefore, Thanos can’t get it. Therefore, he’s going to Knowhere. Hence, he’ll be getting the Reality Stone. You’re welcome.”

“Then we have to go to Knowhere, now.” Gamora stated, looking around.

“Wrong. Where we have to go is Nidavellir.” Thor picked up the backpack.

“That’s a made up word.” Drax, the blue man countered.

“All words are made up.” Thor smiled, slinging the backpack onto his back.

“Nidavellir is real?” The animal called Rocket’s eyes grew wide and he jumped up onto the table and looked at Thor. “Seriously? I mean, that place is a legend. They make the most powerful, horrific weapons to ever torment the Universe. I would very much like to go there, please.”

“The rabbit is correct.” Thor grinned at Rocket’s excitement. “And clearly the smartest among you. Only Eitri the Dwarf can make me the weapon I need.” He turned to the furry animal. “I assume you’re the captain, Sir?”

Rocket grinned and nodded, “You’re very perceptive.”

“You seem like a noble leader. Will you join me on my quest to Nidavellir?”

“Let me just ask the captain. Oh, wait a second, it’s me!”  Rocket grinned. “Yeah, I’ll go.”

“Wonderful.” Thor beamed.

“Uh except that I’m the captain,” Quill chipped in

“Quiet!” Thor was now beyond bored of the moron.

“And that’s my backpack.” Quill continued pointing to the bag that Thor was stealing.

“Quill, sit down.” Rocket tapped at the pad and keying in the digits to open the pod.

“Look, this is my ship. And I’m not going to - wait, what kind of weapon are we talking about here?” Quill looked round.

“The Thanos-killing kind.” Thor smiled.

Boy, was it going to be a big, fucking weapon like no one had ever seen before…

“Don’t you think that we should all have a weapon like that?” Quill frowned.

“You lack the strength to wield them. Your bodies would crumble as you minds collapsed into the madness.” Thor shook his head.

“Is it weird that I wanna do it even more now?” Rocket asked.

“Erm, a little bit weird. Yeah.” Thor looked down at him, frowning.

“If we don’t go to Knowhere and Thanos retrieves another stone, he’ll be too powerful to stop.” Gamora stepped forward.

"He already is.” Thor shrugged.

“Look, I got it figured out.” Rocket interrupted, looking at Gamora. “We got two ships, and a large assortment of morons.  Me and Groot will go with the Pirate Angel here, and the morons will go to Knowhere to try and stop Thanos. Cool? Cool.”

“So cool.” Thor grinned before he climbed into the pod.

“For the record,” Quill said leaning down to Rocket, “I know that you’re only going with them because it’s where Thanos isn’t.”

“You know, you really shouldn’t talk that way to your captain, Quill.” Rocket smirked, walking backwards and gesturing outwards with his arms. “Come on, Groot. Put that game down. You’ll rot your brain,”

As Rocket sat down Thor nodded out of the pod to the rest of the people on the ship. “I bid you farewell and good luck, morons. Bye.”

******

It wasn’t hard for the team to track Wanda, her red power flashing bright against the dark sky over Edinburgh City Centre, and as the jet followed her movements, the four friends saw her spiralling through the sky with Vision and crashing through the train station roof, just as Sam put the jet on the ground.

Within seconds the Ex-Avengers were sprinting off the jet.  

“Katie, Nat, take the side!” Steve yelled, as he vaulted over the railings at the edge of the road running down onto the bottom half of the concrete ramp which led to the station. “Sam, up high and remember, we protect Vision at all costs!”

“Got em.” Sam spoke over the coms. “Platform seven, near the café.” 

Steve vaulted over another set of barriers, the station now deserted thanks to the evacuation taking place by the local police. As he ran onto one of the walkways over the lines, he was just in time to see two of the aliens crash through the station roof. Weighing up his options, he realised it was going to be quicker for him to hop down onto the platform he was currently overheard, and jump across the lines to help. He swung his legs over the railings and landed easily, looking up. Across from him he could see Natasha and Katie emerging to the right, as Wanda stood and moved protectively in front of Vision, building power in her hands. An express train whizzed past him and he stood still, waiting and it wasn’t long before the taller, blue looking woman spotted him, and she launched her spear over the platform. Steve easily snapped his left shoulder back whilst leaning over his body with his right, catching the staff in his hand.

“Heads up.” Sam muttered, and as Wanda and Vision turned to see Steve step out from the shadows, fury lining his face, Sam swooped in and kicked one of the aliens across the platform and through a closed café’s security gate, causing tables and chairs to go flying, before he spun and started to fire on the other alien.

Steve launched the weapon he had caught across the tracks where Natasha caught it and stabbed the second assailant in the gut as Katie moved in to head off the other who was stalking back towards them. The weapon Natasha had been using flew back into the alien’s hands and Katie ducked as she swung, jabbing her in the back of the leg with an electric powered escrima stick. The alien let out a yell, stumbled slightly and Steve cleared the platform in an easy leap, rolling and scooping up the second assailant’s staff from the floor, holding it up to block the blow that the creature aimed at Katie. He grit his teeth, planting his legs to absorb the power of the hit, as Katie rolled to the side, jumped up and the two of them began to fight the alien, joined shortly by Natasha. Steve had to admit, the woman (if you could call her that) was a force to be reckoned with, but the three of them were just about getting the upper hand when they heard Sam yell.

“DUCK!”

The three of them did so and Sam flew in hard, kicking the woman backwards where she fell and scuttled over to her fallen friend. Sam landed next to Katie, drawing both his submachine pistols on the couple.

“Get up” The alien instructed to her fallen partner, her voice was deep.

“I can't.” His gravelly, robotic voice replied.

“We don’t wanna kill you.” Natasha spoke coolly “But we will”.

“You’ll never get the chance again.” The female levelled them, with a cold glare and with that a beam shot down from the hole in the station roof and the two were transported upwards. The weapon Steve was holding also shot out of his hand. He frowned in surprise for a moment, looking at his hand then upwards as the beam of light disappeared and the ship sped off.

“Can you stand?” Sam asked Vision as Katie replaced her sticks and walked towards Wanda and the android. When Vision shook his head, Sam moved forward to help him up.

Supported by Wanda and Sam, Vision looked over at Steve, Natasha and Katie, electricity shimmering over his surface. He’d been badly damaged in the fight, and as he spoke his voice distorted.

“Thank you, Captain.”

Steve took a deep breath and nodded. His face stern, but his eyes were much softer than his expression and Katie knew why. It had been a while since anyone other than Sam, Nat or Wanda had called him Captain.

Steve looked at the android, he might have been damaged but they had the stone, and that was the main thing. Nodding, he spoke. “Let’s get you on the jet.” His voice was soft and he moved to let Sam and Wanda support Vision on their way past him, Natasha following.

Katie hung back a little, trying to stop the light-headedness she was feeling from washing over her.

“You okay?” Steve turned to her as she blinked.

“Yeah, just took a whack that’s all. “I’m fine.” She assured him as they took up the rear of the group, her fingers lacing into his.

Once Vision was safely settled in a seat at the side, Sam dropped into the pilot’s seat. Katie hit the button to close the ramp as the Jet rose into the air.

“I thought we had a deal.” Natasha spun angrily to Wanda. ”Stay close, check in. Don’t take any chances.”

“I’m sorry. We just wanted time.” The younger woman said gently.

Katie glanced at Steve, he was stood up in the middle of the jet, hands on the buckle of his utility belt, staring seemingly at nothing but clearly contemplating something.

“Where to, Cap?” Sam asked.

Steve looked up, he glanced at Sam then locked eyes with Katie as he spoke one word, one simple word that they had all been waiting to hear for almost two years.

“Home”

*****

After a few hours, with the morning sky being the only thing in sight, Sam started to lower the jet through thick white clouds and Katie couldn’t help but inhale sharply when the compound began to take shape as she watched out of the front window. It looked the same. The buildings, the grounds…she wasn’t sure why she had expected anything to change, maybe because it felt like everything had changed for them, but either way, there it was. The exact same as the last time she had seen it.

Steve noticed her demeanour change slightly as they landed. She stood up straight, her shoulders squaring as if she was about to face an onslaught. And they were, in a way. On their way Steve had called Bruce to tell him that they had Vision and were heading back, but had had no idea what they were heading back to, nor did he care. Be it Ross, police, the army, whatever, Steve was done bowing to anyone’s will, he was over playing other people’s tunes. The two years they had spent hidden had shown them all that they could operate on their own if required, and he wasn’t afraid to fight anyone who got in his way.

They stepped off the ramp and strode over the lawn, Katie taking a deep breath as she looked around. So many emotions flooded her system, she couldn’t explain or identify half of them. Memories flashed in front of her eyes, visions of long summer nights spent outside in the garden and on the BBQ patio until sunrise. Laughs during team dinners. Sam and Wanda collaborating on pranks. Training sessions with the team and Vision reading Tolkien aloud to Wanda before asking questions about humanity’s love of fiction. Walks and picnics and other things in the ground, just her and Steve. Their wedding, God their wedding! Frequent visits from Tony, bringing in new ideas and improved gadgets. Getting back safe after being out on a long mission. Feeling relaxed and at ease.

Feeling at home.

Steve’s arm curled round his wife for a moment before he pressed a kiss to the side of her head as Vision opened the door.

“Still no word from Vision?”  

“Satellites lost him somewhere over Edinburgh.”

“On a stolen Quinjet with four of the world’s most wanted criminals.” “You know they’re only criminals because you’ve chosen to call them that, right, sir? “

“My God, Rhodes, your talent for horseshit rivals my own.”

The sound of the call between Ross and Rhodey echoed down the corridor reaching the group that were making their way through to the lab.

“If it weren’t for those Accords, Vision would’ve been right here.” Rhodey shot back and Katie glanced back at Vision as the sounds the voices grew louder as they neared their destination.

“I suspect it will be a Hollo Call.” Vision said gently, answering Katie’s unasked question.  His suspicions were proven correct as they rounded the corner and the lab came into view. Rhodey was stood across from where the holographic image of Secretary Ross was facing off against him.

"You have second thoughts?” Ross was challenging Rhodey, who smiled simply as his eyes shot sideways. Steve strode forward, his presence as intimidating as ever, and the first thing Rhodey noticed was just how dark he looked. Gone was the upstanding, All American Hero, and in its place was someone much harder, far rougher round the edges. Kiddo looked different too. Her hair was shorter and she looked slimmer.

“Not anymore.” He grinned.

The holographic Ross followed Rhodey’s gaze and his eyes fell on Steve who was stood next to Katie at the front of the group, Natasha, Wanda, Sam and Vision behind them. Steve raised his chin a little defiantly and moved to take his power stance, feet apart, hands on his belt, before he greeted Ross politely.

“Mr. Secretary" 

Katie couldn’t help the smirk on her face as she watched Ross attempting to cover up the shock he had clearly felt at the group of outlaws turning up again. She locked eyes with Rhodey who gave her the smallest of winks before he glanced back at Ross who was shaking his head slightly as he approached Steve, his holographic form almost trying to square up to him.  Steve simply raised his chin further and looked down from the steps he was stood on.

"You got some nerve.” Ross sniffed, staring up at him “I’ll give you that.”

“You could use some of that right now.” Katie shot back bluntly, Ross turned his head to face her for a second. She held his gaze and arched an eyebrow until he turned back to Steve.

“The world’s on fire.” Ross said incredulously. “And you think, you can just walk back in here and all is forgiven?”

Steve levelled the secretary with a firm gaze. “I’m not looking for forgiveness.” his voice took on a threatening tone as he spoke “And I’m way past asking for permission.”

At that point the smirk on Katie’s face grew even wider as she stole a glance up at her husband, pride swelling in her chest as he continued, stoic and unyielding. 

“Earth just lost her best defender, so we’re here to fight. And if you wanna stand in our way,” he stepped down to be at level with the hologram, and stared it square in the eyes “We’ll fight you, too.”

Ross was practically foaming at the mouth as his eyes went to Rhodey and he spat out his order, “Arrest them.”

“All over it.” Rhodey promised nonchalantly before shutting off the hologram, shortly after a beeping noise sounded from the computers.

“That’s a court-martial.” He informed the group as he slapped the back of his right hand into his left palm, though his tone said told Katie that he blatantly couldn’t have cared less for Ross’ demands. There was a short pause as the group glanced down at their friend, Steve smiling softly, before Rhodey’s face split into a huge smile of his own.

“It’s great to see you, Cap.” He stepped forward.

“You too, Rhodey.” Steve answered, taking the last two steps down before he shook Rhodey’s hand. Katie threw herself at her brother’s best friend and he gave her a huge bear hug before he looked down at her.

“You do something to your hair?” He teased.  Katie smiled, stepping back from his embrace while he looked the rest of the group over.

“Well. You guys really look like crap. Must’ve been a rough couple of years.”

Steve looked round, an amused smile on his face as he glanced at his wife then to the rest of the team.

“Yeah, well, the hotels weren’t exactly five star.” Sam quipped back cheekily, the banter flowing between them like no time at all had passed.

“Uh, I think you look great.”

Steve turned at the new voice to see Bruce inching his way into the room nervously wringing his hands together.

Steve and Katie remained silent, exchanging a glance. In the rush around and the fray of the fight, we’d forgotten to explain exactly who it was that called.

“Yeah. I’m back.”

Katie glanced over at Nat, she had her gaze fixed solely on the scientist as she spoke “Hi, Bruce.”

“Nat.” Bruce answered inclining his head towards her slightly as he fidgeted.

“This is awkward.” Sam piped up. Steve and Katie looked at one another, before they both smiled and looked back up at Sam.

“Any news on Tony?” Katie asked gently, interrupting the silence that had fallen.

“Not yet no.” Rhodey said. “FRIDAY lost him when he left the atmosphere. We got NASA running scans and we’re trying to track his trail but…” He shook his head. 

“Typical Tony.” Katie rolled her eyes “Always has to go one bigger and one better doesn’t he?”

Her blasé tone wasn’t fooling anyone.

“Banner.” Steve said gently, looking across the room at the scientist. “Can you fill us in on what we’re up against here?”

“Yeah sure,” Bruce said nodding hesitantly.

Without so much as another word, the group all started to make their way out of the room. As Katie turned to follow Natasha, Steve’s hand gently fell on her shoulder. Without looking at him, she reached up and gently wrapped her fingers round his, giving them a squeeze before she left.

Steve took a deep breath as he glanced around the room once more, before he too followed on, that sick feeling in his gut was getting worse.

**** Chapter 36 Part 2

#stark spangled banner #steve rogers #steve rogers fanfiction #Katie Stark #steve rogers x ofc #steve rogers x original female character #steve rogers fic #mcu fanfic #mcu #chris evans #chris evans characters

[fountainpenguin]

FOP Scenes That Always Make Me Lose My Mind

No matter how many times I watch them.

Vicky staring as a hospital bed transforms into a robot and remarking, “Wow, that’s one cool bed.”

Mark describing the scars Vicky has given him as “love markings” and listing where and why he got each one.

Wanda hiding under the table while she checks Da Rules to see if it’s illegal for her to murder Timmy’s parents after they tormented her and Cosmo at dinner (and sighing when it is).

Timmy’s parents waiting for C and W to come out from under said table, deciding they’re dead, and scrambling off to “establish an alibi.”

“Well, if your math is as good as Dad’s spelling, I may have turned 21 for all you know!” // “You can make fun of my math skills until it’s 13:00, but you do NOT act like a smarty pants!”

A.J. tackling Chester away from a laser, explaining his parents set it up, and Chester saying “But your parents love me” followed by dead silence.

“Slow down, Hunchback-of-Never-Dated-a-Dame!”

Cosmo comes flitting by with Poof in a basket and Wanda just flies up to him and says, “Cosmo, where have you been? I got arrested!”

Gary and Betty solving the problem of a crying child by putting him in a soundproof dome and walking away.

Wanda waving at Cosmo from the other side of the street while flying and promptly crashing into a pole.

Cosmo showing up at his mom’s house after eloping 10,000 years ago and all she says is, “Did you get the milk, Cosmo?”

Timmy still having heat vision four seasons later because he never unwished it.

You can’t kill cockroaches with magic.

Mama Cosma kidnapped a crime boss and he was kind of into it

“You sunk the city of Atlantis NINE TIMES??? Where was I when this happened?”

Anti-Cosmo and the Head Pixie baking pizza for Timmy because sometimes they don’t have evil plans and just want attention.

The Head Pixie’s hat is also a pen and the only time we see him use it is when he absolutely had to write down a pun before he forgot.

H.P. unhesitatingly gambling away a magical world because some punk 10-year-old human bragged he could beat him in mini-golf.

Sanderson stripping to his underwear on international Fairy TV.

“Fairies aren’t good with naming things. For crying out loud, we named our kid Poof!”

The Grim Reaper runs the Anti-Fairy World pet store because “Death doesn’t pay the bills and I’ve got student loans.”

ED FREAKING LEADLY ANY TIME HE DOES ANYTHING

Cosmo moving the doorknob to the other side of a door and re-opening it because it didn’t show him what he was looking for the first time.

Cosmo saying “There’s your car,” and straight-up dropping Chet Ubetcha into a volcano because Chet said something mean about him.

Cosmo putting his hands on his hips when he’s mad, then noticing Wanda has her arms crossed and copying her pose instead.

Cosmo’s face when Timmy crawls under his bed and wishes for a toaster and you can just tell he’s questioning if he heard that right.

Cosmo showing Juandissimo to the “room” he can use while staying over before promptly hurling him in the freezer and slamming the door.

Foop legitimately looking confused and hurt when Poof didn’t want to hug him during their playdate (and Poof’s furious face when Foop drags him around by the hand).

Wanda trying to get Poof hyped about Cosmo making a nice family dinner and the dinner is just chicken nuggets.

Crocker’s heart breaking when he accidentally catches Poof in his fairy trap and he lets him go because he is only baby.

Vicky insisting the kids she’s babysitting should tell her she’s pretty and Sammy sobbing because “My mommy told me never to lie!”

Sammy: “This may not sound very sweet, but... Break Vicky like a 2x4!”

Literally every Schnozmo moment

Kevin Crocker: “Your idea is so much better. It’s no biggie. I just kind of wish I was never born.”

“His name is Foop! ... Spelled backwards! <333”

Timmy’s Mom having an entire conversation with him while holding his fish. Not his fishbowl literally just Cosmo in goldfish form.

Cosmo tying Timmy’s Mom up like a marionette, smearing on lipstick, screaming “I’M GORGEOUS!” and promptly dragging her across the floor.

“Pumpkin taxi. Orange on the outside, seedy on the inside.”

Cosmo designing a board game that requires you to get the car you play with registered at the DMV.

Chloe helping Timmy nail Crocker’s bed to the ceiling.

The massive size difference between Kevin’s and Chloe’s hands when she helps him off the floor.

Chloe getting cut off before she can swear.

Timmy standing up for Chloe in front of her parents when she starts having an anxiety attack.

Chloe as a parent upsetting her kids to the point they were assigned fairy godparents and she has to reevaluate her happy-go-lucky life.

The whole concept behind “Timmy’s Secret Wish.”

The implication that Chloe spent fifty years of the frozen timestream raising herself on “Fair Bears” cartoons.

Timmy’s Dad, who has never liked Mr. Crocker, calling him progressively worse names like “Mr. Crayons” and “Mr. Crawlspace.”

“What are you going to do without a house?” // “That’s easy. I wish I had another house.”

Foop’s alternate personality inviting Foop to lunch.

Cosmo pointing out that making someone disappear is sort of illegal and Timmy’s Dad just points out he can’t get arrested if he wishes for the police to disappear and Cosmo just :\

Juandissimo melting Iceland and then glancing awkwardly at the witnesses.

“Scientists are mystified as to why this is happening! In unrelated news, a giant purple baby is blocking the sun.”

Mrs. Crocker hitting on Dr. Rip Studwell and he responds by writing her a prescription for “Get real, lady” and Poof was there for all of this.

Foop designing a play with the plan of tormenting Poof but Poof fakes sick and Foop, his understudy, is forced to endure the horrors of the play while Poof eats popcorn and mocks him the whole time.

"You picked the right square blue baby for the job! I’m super irritating.” “You certainly are.” “You’re the worst.” “Everyone hates you.”

Anti-Cosmo sneaking Foop a file so he can escape prison but Foop doesn’t know what it’s for and just uses it to file his nails.

Wanda breaking into a stranger’s house to do his dishes.

Dark Laser betraying Foop and Crocker when it dawns on him that they were the reckless hooligans who nearly ran over Flipsie.

Timmy’s Dad asking him if he wants to “Come for a ride to get a ham.”

Crocker explaining that his mother’s bird was named “Pile of Goo” even before he accidentally flung it into the sun.

Chloe deadpanning “Oops, I have tripped on my cape” before deliberately shoving Mr. Crocker over.

“Everything is so green here. Even the stoplights!” //Massive crash noises //Cheerful scene change

Timmy literally bulldozing Dinkleberg’s living room and Dinkleberg just “Oh hi, Timmy! No need to explain yourself; I don’t want to pry.”

“I’ll tell you what’s a great comedy word: AUGHAWAGAUGH! Watch me use it in context.” //Poofs up a beehive

“Did you know there are over 250 species of owls in the world? My goal is to see ALL OF THEM! Not just the species, but every. single. owl.”

“I still don’t know where you found six kids with eye patches.”

Foop nervously agreeing with the Anti-Fairy Council, “Yes, that’s what I am, a genius. Not the guy who spent six hours toilet papering a house when in fact he has a magic bottle that could have done it instantly.”

#Fairly OddParents #FAIRIES! #Long post

[thecomicsnexus]

TEENAGE MUTANT NINJA TURTLES #24-26 AUGUST - OCTOBER 1989 BY RICK VEITCH

SYNOPSIS (FROM TURTLEPEDIA)

As the story begins, Master Splinter is training the Turtles. The Sensei is attempting to broaden their spiritual scope, but their warrior's hearts are still too strong to grasp the subtleties of their lessons. The Sensei probes each Turtle, to discern their strengths, weaknesses and phobias. Splinter senses that there is a weak link in their chain, and as he releases them from their training, each student bows before the master... save for Raphael, who has bound off to go swimming. Leonardo apologizes to Splinter for Raphael's behavior, and the Sensei states that perhaps they are not mature enough to grasp the next stage of ninjutsu training. Upon hearing this, the other three Turtles angrily take off in pursuit of Raph. The Master is pleased, as group pressure is one of the lessons of ninjutsu.

Leo, Don and Mike dive into the murky waters and find an underwater cave. As they emerge into the chamber, clubs in hand, they find Raphael bent over something. The three brothers approach their sibling with ill intent when Raph points out that he's found some recently hatched turtle eggs. Everyone's mood lightens as they find dozens of baby turtles swimming around their feet. The guys muse briefly about what it would be like had they remained normal turtles. As Raph investigates the shells, he finds one baby turtle stuck in the sand. When he examines it, he finds that a large leech has attached itself to the young terrapin. Raph is grossed out by the bloodsucking creature and uses a stick to remove it from the baby turtle. The other guys are amused that Raph is afraid of the leech and they attach it to his foot. Raph freaks out and yells at them to get it off of him. Leo, Don and Mike laugh and toss Raph back into the water. The three brothers run off, psyched that they finally "got Raph good!" Raphael emerges from the water and pulls the leech off of his foot. As he's about to squish the parasite, Raph decides that it's not the worm's fault for being what it is and he tosses it back to the ground, telling it to stop picking on poor, defenseless turtles. The discontented Turtle than heads off after his mirthful brothers, warning them that they'll be laughing out of the other side of their faces once he catches them.

The next day the Turtles have resumed their practice with Splinter, but they still fail to grasp the inticracies of his lesson. As the Sensei mentally scans the region, he looks for a sign that the Turtles are opening their minds... but none are able. Raphael, more than any other, struggles. As Splinter views the surroundings, he is alerted to something in the water... a large leech. It is hungry... and has a malignantly cruel and evil presence!

Master Splinter is shocked by his discovery, and involuntarily he jerks away from the vision. The violence of the Sensei's recoil shocks his pupils and sends Raphael into unconsciousness.

The next day the Turtles are lounging around the river without their Master. Leo, Don and Mike are trying to make peace with Raphael, who is angry with them for how they treated him in the cave. The boys spot a large snapping turtle swimming across the creek and are shocked when they see something attack her. The brothers dive into the water and see a very big leech. The parasite seems oddly familiar to the Turtles, and they chase it. The worm takes refuge in a small cave. Raph decides to trap the leech in the hole by blocking the entrance with his shell. Raphael then sends his brothers off to fetch their weapons, so they can dispatch the leech.

Shortly the Turtles return with Splinter. Raphael is unconscious once again, and as his family wonders what's happened now, Raph slumps forward into the water, revealing the much larger leech attached to his back, sucking fluid from the Mutant Turtle. The creature has now grown arms and legs and it rises to meet its attackers. Master Splinter tells his students to stand their ground as he focuses his mind, in attempt to connect with the beast that had disturbed his visions two days earlier... but before the Sensei can make contact, Leonardo chops it into pieces. Raph groggily awakens and Leonardo apologizes to Splinter for reacting. The Sensei tells his student that their current lessons are designed to teach them how to protect themselves with other means than blades, but hopefully the threat has passed.

The next morning the Turtles are once again practicing with Master Splinter. Yet again, Raphael is having trouble focusing his mind on the lessons. The Sensei tries to reach into Raphael's mind, but his own fear and doubt prevent him. Suddenly, Raph breaks ranks and pursues a dragonfly with childish glee. Splinter ends the lesson and Michelangelo asks why all of them must suffer when Raph acts coo-coo... the Master does not answer.

Back at the farm, April and Casey join the Turtles and Splinter for dinner. All eyes are on Raphael as his food is placed before him. Raph smiles innocently and then smashes his hand down on the plate, splattering the room, and everyone in it, with goulash. Raph bursts out laughing as the others glare at him.

As time passes, everyone is dismayed as Raph reverts more and more into a normal turtle. Splinter tells Leo, Don and Mike that the leech is responsible for Raph's condition - that it must have sucked the Mutagen out of Raph's system, and so he's returning to his original form. The Turtles will have to find the leech to save Raph, so the group head down to the river. As the TMNT search the waters, they find nothing. April asks Splinter if they can simply recontaminate Raph with Mutagen, but the Sensei points out that the canister that contained the ooze is empty and there is no way to contact the aliens from the T.C.R.I., so there is no Mutagen to be had.

As the skies darken, Casey announces that they should call it a night. The Turtles argue against it when they're interrupted by a ranger, who thinks our heroes are fishing illegally. Casey nervously points out that they're merely swimming and that his friends are trying out their new "turtle costumes." Raphael then escapes from April's grasp and swims towards the lawman's boat. As Raphael reaches the craft, the ranger reaches down and grabs the Turtle's hand.

"I just need to get ahold of you one last time, heee heee!" the game warden cackles as Raph mews in anguish.

The ranger lets Raph drop back into the water as he stands, revealing his face - it's the leech, now mutated into a bipedal monster!

The Turtles are incredulous and try to reach the creature's vessel, but it starts an outboard motor and zooms upriver, escaping their wrath. April pulls Raph's limp form from the water as Casey discovers the real Fish and Game Warden, every drop of blood sucked from his dead body. Splinter decrees that the beast stole Raphael's Mutagen to grow, but it feeds on human blood. The Sensei then names the creature "Bloodsucker."

With heavy hearts, Leo, Don and Mike recall how they had tortured Raph with the leech mere days ago. The brothers then gear up in grim determination and prepare to hunt down Bloodsucker.

"Bring it back alive and in one piece, Leonardo," Splinter advises, "It is Raphael's only hope."

Leonardo bows before his master and states, "We shall not fail, Sensei."

Casey says that he'll load up the car with "toys" and meet them upriver. As the Turtles prepare to leave, Raph mews helplessly at their feet. Each brother hugs Raphael goodbye, and the TMNT, only three in strength, set off after their enemy. April picks up the tormented Raphael and tells him that he cannot go with his brothers. Raph desperately grasps for his siblings as April kisses him, "Not this time, baby."

Splinter meditates on the shore of the river. The Sensei reaches out to his pupils; not with his mind, but with his heart, as the heart is the link to the infinite. The Master attempts to see the future, but all he finds are faces from the deep past...

Three inner city boys are set to go fishing in the polluted river. As one wonders if it's safe, his companion states, "As long as Officer Mannigan don't catch us it's cool!"

As the boys explore the dank river bed, they discover some ancient Native American carvings of odd faces. One boy frightens another with ghost stories, and says that the authorities are always finding new pictograms in this area. Sure enough, they find a new carving of a turtle. Just then the children hear the put-put-put of an outboard motor and see the game warden approaching in his boat. They take cover and the lawman passes. As the boys breathe a sigh of relief, the warden rises from behind them. Of course, this is no ordinary fish and game officer, but the hideous mutant monster, Bloodsucker! The creature grabs one of the boys and carries him off. Another lad grabs his fishing rod and casts, tripping up the monster and freeing his friend. The kids flee in terror but are quickly set upon by the beast once again. As Bloodsucker laughs and announces his plans to drain them of their vital fluids, several shurikens pound into his flesh. The creature turns to see Leo, Don and Mike, who announce their intention to take Bloodsucker back to Northampton... one way or another.

Bloodsucker tears a tree from the ground and tosses it onto the Turtles, pinning them underwater. The boys run away as the mutant parasite gloats about how it will devour each Turtle in turn and become ever more powerful.

Master Splinter still sits in meditation... he has sensed the Turtles peril and seeks out help. He arrives again at faces from the past, but they merge into the present... to a hand carving images into rock face.

Casey and April are racing down the streets. April is upset with Jones' reckless driving, but Casey assures her that he knows how to handle the local "small town cops" and brags about the hot new gear shifter that he and Raph installed. April isn't impressed and she points out that their goal is to save Raphael, who has gotten quite small and now fits comfortably on her lap. Jones announces that they'll find the slimy bug, as he speeds by a police car. The officer hits his siren and pulls out to pursue the speeding Chevy. Casey grins and prepares to shift the car into overdrive, but the gear shifter breaks off in his hand. We next see Casey pulled over, a pistol pointed at his head through the window, held by a very angry Officer Mannigan. The cop pulls Jones out of the vehicle and cuffs him after finding Casey's "Jason"-styled hockey mask. As Casey demands to know why he's being arrested, the three fishing boys arrive.

The boys tell the policeman about the monster and three giant, weapon-toting turtles, but Mannigan is dubious. April and Casey decide that they have to take action, and Casey runs away and jumps off a bridge, into the water below. Jones hits hard and loses consciousness below its surface, as Mannigan pulls April from the car. The cop asks the boys if Casey has come up yet, and the children announce that he hasn't. Mannigan couldn't care less and he orders the boys to get into his squad car, so he can check out their monster story. As the police car speeds away, the squealing tires propel Raphael off of the bridge onto the rocks below. Fortunately, Raph's shell protects him from the fall and he emerges from it mewing. As Raph spots the ancient face carvings, a figure emerges from the water carrying Casey's limp body. The man picks up Raphael, musing to himself, and then heads upriver, where he intends to speak with the "old man," who apparently knows everything.

Splinter senses that his sons have escaped their peril, and he hears a call...

Mannigan has locked up April and the boys and is calling his boss, Booder, to tell him the lads' story. Booder is not happy about the news and orders the cop to keep the boys under lock and key and to meet him pronto, with his scattergun in hand. As Officer Mannigan prepares to leave, the boys yell at him that he can't leave them alone, as it's illegal. The policeman doesn't care, as Booder's uncle is the local judge. The cop gets into his squad car and leaves his prisoners to their own devices. As April bemoans the behavior of men, one of the boys uses his fishing rod to snag the cell keys.

Casey awakes in a cavern, filled with ancient carvings. As he rises, he's met by Leo, Don, Mike and Raph (who's being held in Leo's hand). The TMNT introduce Jones to Abanak, the last surviving member of the Algonquin Nation. We learn that it was Abanak who pulled all of our heroes to safety, and then the man tells his story.

400 years ago, this area was the home of his people, and the caves they're in now were holy land. All was well and good, until Colonel Booder showed up. Booder brought an army when he arrived, and he killed the Algonquin leaders and lead the people astray. The Colonel then opened factories on the river and polluted the land and water, growing rich and powerful as he destroyed all that the Algonquin people held sacred. Abanak is all that remains of his once prosperous nation, and he lives among the caverns as a "ghost," carving the effigies of his ancestors into the walls of the caves, who appear to him in his dreams. Abanak then states that he has had a dream that he will find his destiny with the help of warrior turtles.

Abanak leads everyone deeper into tunnels, explaining that while most everyone is ignorant of the land's bloody history, the living ancestor of Booder is not. After the government had passed environmental laws that would put the factories out of business, Booder had dug secret sewage pipes to deposit the poisonous waste into the hidden underground caves. The TMNT emerge into a huge cavern and see gigantic pipes pumping bilge into the water. Michaelangelo retches at the smell and Leonardo announces that this is the most disgusting cesspool that he's ever seen. Abanak states, "We used to call it the Well of Pure Souls."

Abanak says that his destiny awaits him up in Booder's "death factories." Leo suggests that Casey should utilize his plumbing skills and plug the septic system, thus causing the pollution to back up into the factories where it originates from. Then Leonardo gives Raph to Jones to guard as the other four heroes ascend ladders attached to the pipes.

At the factory, Booder is yelling at Mannigan. Booder fears that the mutants the boys saw were created by his pollution, and he's deadly afraid that the E.P.A. will discover his secret dumping ground and ruin his business. The cop states that maybe all they saw was the Ghost, who Mannigan had shot with rock salt once. Booder states that he has also seen the Ghost, and that his family has been haunted for seven generations. The crooked businessman than declares that it's time to put an end to the Ghost. Mannigan loads his shotgun and the two set off to find the apparition that troubles them.

As the two men arrive at the main shaft, Booder's armed guard inform him that they've heard voices from below... someone is climbing up! Booder orders them to shoot to kill and takes the shotgun from Mannigan, who tries to tell his boss that it's only loaded with rock salt, but Booder is too crazed to listen.

As Abanak and the Turtles climb, the Native American thinks he hears voices from above. He and Leo move ahead to investigate. As they climb, Leonardo asks Abanak what his people would do if they were given the land back, and the man states that they would clean it up so that all could share in its bounty, as they never considered it to be just "their" land... the river and the land are not things that any man can possess, as they belong to everyone.

As Abanak finishes his statement, he is greeted by an enraged Booder, who fires the shotgun into the Native American's face. Abanak falls and Leonardo calls out to his brothers to catch him. Booder's men then open fire with automatic weapons as Booder announces a ten thousand dollar reward for "each one you bag."

Abanak is hurt, but since the gun was loaded with rock salt, his wounds aren't mortal. Gunfire rains down on the Turtles from above, though, and it is life threatening. Casey yells that he's stopped up the pipe and the waste should back up soon. Leonardo wonders what Raph would do in this situation, and determines that he would simply attack - so the Turtles do just that. The Ninja cover their approach with shurikens and make it to the top, where they whip Booder's henchmen. Booder and Mannigan attempt to flee, but the crooked businessman won't let the cop escape the fight, and he pushes him into the fray. Just then the waste erupts out of the pipe and it hits Booder square in the chest and carries him towards the edge of the main shaft. As the criminal falls, he is caught... by Abanak! The Algonquin pulls Booder to safety, stating that even he doesn't deserve to die in such a manner. Booder is shocked to find that the "Ghost" is an "Indian," and asks what Abanak expects him to do now that he's saved his life, "I should give you back your land, s-shouldn't I?" the crook queries.

"Let's start with a couple of acers!" growls Booder, as he knees Abanak in the groin, "Sucker!"

Booder than escapes to a waiting car, where he flees the factory... only to find Bloodsucker waiting in the backseat to devour him shortly thereafter.

As the factory floods with toxins, the Turtles help Casey carry Abanak to safety. As they get outside, April shows up in Casey's car. Jones is astonished that the vehicle is running, and April proudly displays the gear shift that she's fixed. Everyone piles into the car and they zoom off.

Later we see the three fishing boys as they watch the E.P.A. arriving to clean up the wasted factories. As the boys lament their parents' stupidity for letting things get so bad, they spot the '57 Chevy. April pulls up and the Turtles thank the kids for helping Ms. O'Neil escape. Abanak then hands the boys his hammer and chisel, telling them that his work is done, and asking them to take his place. The boys humbly agree to try.

April then speeds off down the highway as everyone worries about how they'll find Bloodsucker. As April steers the car towards Northampton, Bloodsucker pulls up behind them in Booder's car...

Splinter still meditates - his vision follows the river, all the way to its source, in the wilds of northern Vermont. There he finds a figure, bent with age, shining with a focus all its own, returning the Master's gaze spark for spark.

Splinter meditates, and tracks down Bloodsucker, who is working his way ever further upstream. Splinter is then carried through the swamps and wilderness to where the river is born, where he finds the aged form of The One Who Waits.

Casey and April are working on the Chevy, which has broken down again. Mike announces that they're stuck and Don informs him that Abanak has found a canoe under the brush of the nearby river. The coincidence is hard to grasp, but Abanak says that it's a sign that the Old Man is helping them, and that he saw it in a dream. The boat only carries four, so April and Casey are forced to stay with the car. The pair say that they'll get the vehicle fixed and wait for the Turtles to return. Suddenly everyone notices that Raph is missing, and a frantic search begins. Leonardo spots Raph, who is facing a weasel. Don exclaims that they have to help Raphael, but Leo refuses... for although Raph has been reverted to a pet shop turtle, he's still Raphael. Sure enough, Raph bites the weasel on the neck and the animal flees in pain.

The Turtles and Abanak head up river in the canoe. Abanak tells the boys about the Old Man, who has always been here and knows all. Abanak has seen the Old Man in his dreams and knows that he exists, and that he can help. As our heroes head upstream, Bloodsucker stalks them from the trees above. Suddenly, the canoe overturns and everyone is surprised to find thousands of fish in the stream. As Don rises to his feet, he's amazed to find that the fish have lifted him out of the water and he's riding on their backs!

"I think we're about to go for the ride of our lives!" the brainy terrapin announces.

No sooner has Donatello made his remarks than everyone is hauled upriver on the backs of the fish, water skiing without boat or line. The fish even carry the group up a waterfall! The crew is dropped off by a large, flat stone. Abanak states that this is as far as his dreams have revealed the land to him. He believes that the rock is called the Wisdom Stone, and that they should stand upon it. The Turtles are uneasy, feeling like they could be walking into a trap. Mike spots ornaments in the pine trees, and as he muses whether or not the Old Man celebrates Christmas, the stones speak to him, telling him that they were placed here by druids, long before Christianity existed. Alarmed by the talking ornaments, the TMNT back into defensive position, which places them onto the Wisdom Stone... which bursts brightly with energy.

Splinter's meditation is going badly... countless entities are assaulting him, and the Master senses a trap. As the Sensei tries to focus, all that emerges is a clear image of the Old Man...

The Old Man has appeared on the Wisdom Stone, and he explains that he has lived so long that he is now the river, and it is he. He tells the tale of an ancient, technologically advanced civilization that thrived but destroyed itself during the age of dinosaurs, and how the few that survived swore off technology and embraced the Earth, soon unlocking her deepest secrets. They learned that the rivers were conduits of planetary energy, power lines that helped them gain all knowledge of the physical world. Eventually, the survivors transcended flesh and merged with the rivers, so that there is one for each of the world's waterways... and they're still searching for knowledge, still hungry to learn all that is new.

The Turtles ask the Old Man if he can help Raphael change back, and the ancient one states that he probably could, as he's the one responsible for the regression in the first place, since he is the river and all its creatures. Just then Bloodsucker arrives. The Turtles are upset that the Old Man sent this abomination after Raphael, while the river master muses what is more of an abomination, a mutant leech, or a mutant turtle? Leonardo demands to know why the Old Man orchestrated these events, and the archaic being explains that back when the Turtles first reached his waters and longed to know what their lives would be had they remained normal turtles, he too felt their pangs, as well as his own, to know what they were... for the Turtles were the first mutants that he had ever encountered. The Old Man states that the Turtles were something new to the river, and that he must study them very thoroughly.

Donatello says that they aren't the type who like to be studied and tells the river master to change Raph back and they'll be on their way. The Old Man says that he believes Raphael is happier as he is, and that he thinks all four would be happier if they would return to their natural form. The Turtles get angry and brandish their weapons, which angers the river god... who unleashes great power throughout the entire waterway. The burst of energy also snaps Master Splinter's mind, thus giving control of the Sensei to the Old Man, who uses his newfound ability to mesmerize the Turtles.

While the TMNT stand frozen, Bloodsucker grabs them and prepares to feed on them. Abanak argues for their lives, which only angers the Old Man more. As the ancient one berates Abanak, Raphael bites him on the finger. Bemused, the Old Man tosses Raph into the river.

As Bloodsucker savors the Turtles, Raph swims over and bites him on the toe. The monster raises its leg in bewilderment, causing it to lose its balance, whereby it tumbles over the falls with all four Turtles in tow.

Abanak grows angry and tells the Old Man that he is petty and greedy, just like all the men who have sought control of the river. He lifts Leo's katana and attacks the ancient being, only to be blasted into the trees with a bolt of energy. As the Old Man is distracted by Abanak, Splinter is able to break free of the river master's psychic grasp. Splinter realizes that the power that the river holds is the power of life itself, and then he braces to make his attack.

Cut to the caverns near the city, where we see the fishing boys dutifully carving effigies in the stone. We discover that Officer Mannigan was sentenced to 20 years hard labor, and that it will take that long to clean up the river. The boys sense something and look up, to see a bolt of energy zooming up the river.

Casey and April are still working on the car. As their frustrating task nears completion, Casey feels the ground shake and they rise to see the bolt of lightning careening overhead.

Back at the base of the river, the Old Man catches the full force of Splinter's attack. The river master realizes too late that he'd forgotten about the rat... and Splinter was able to utilize the power of the river to cut off the ancient one's life-giving supply of atoms. The Old Man crawls to the shore.

Leonardo is sitting in the waterfall... he's groggy and having trouble remembering why he's here, when suddenly he's attacked by Bloodsucker. As Leo fights for his life, Michaelangelo arrives to assist him. Donatello joins the fray, but all three are overpowered and tossed aside. However... Raphael clings to the monsters face, and when the beast shakes its head to free itself from Raph's grasp, a portion of its mouth is torn free.

The Old Man struggles on shore to regain control over his failing body. Abanak emerges from the woods, and the ancient river master begs for his assistance. When Abanak states that he's no sorcerer, the Old Man tells him that he has the power, but he was never informed because the ancient one feared that Abanak would use his abilities to usurp the river master. The Old Man reverts to the form of an infant and pleads with Abanak to stop Splinter's attack. Abanak stands silently as he watches the Old Man shrink into nothingness.

Bloodsucker is holding the Turtles' heads underwater, trying to drown them. Leonardo manages to flip the behemoth and free his brothers. As Bloodsucker rises from the depths, he is attacked by a large turtle... Raphael?

Bloodsucker flees behind the falls, the giant turtle biting into his neck. As Mike and Don suggest that they should go in and help Raph, Leonardo refuses.

"This is the way he'd want it." the leader states.

From behind the falls we hear mewing... as a shadowy form begins to emerge from behind the curtain of water. Finally, Raphael bursts into sight, "Mew my arse." he growls.

The brothers embrace in glee, and they ask Raph how he did it. Raphael explains that each time that he bit into the mutant leech's hide, he felt a little better... so he continued to chow down until he'd regained all of his vital fluid back. Leonardo asks what happened to Bloodsucker, and Raph produces a normal leech... now that Bloodsucker himself had been drained, he turned back into his former self. Raph then pretends that he's going to attach the leech to one of his brothers, who all freak out. "Kill it! It's dangerous!" they scream.

Raph explains that it's harmless now and just wants to get back to its normal business, so the Mutant Turtle drops it back into the river. Just then they're confronted by a robed figure they mistake for the Old Man.

However, it turns out to be Abanak, who has assumed the role of river master. Abanak states that both of their quests have come to an end, but the Turtles demand to know who's side he's on, since he lead them into the trap. Abanak replies, "The river's." and then he conjures the fish, which carry the TMNT back to where April and Casey are. The car is finally repaired, but the fish ride isn't stopping! As they pass, the Turtles call out to their friends that they'll see them back in Northampton.

Back in the city, the boys have finished their carvings... of their own faces! They feel that this shows the world that they're serious about their duties, and they plan to protect the river from now on. Suddenly the Turtles go zooming by, and they send Abanak's greetings to the lads and tell them that they'll be contacted by the new river master soon... via their dreams.

Back in Northampton, the Turtles meet Master Splinter. They're jubilant over their victory and excited to celebrate, but the Sensei greets them with cold silence. The four quiet down nervously, and bow to their Master. Master Splinter bows back.

Perhaps they are maturing...

Meanwhile, far upstream, a glowing human embryo is caught in the current. As it struggles to escape its fate, it is swallowed by a common leech... one that possesses a distinct scar on its throat... and a half-remembered taste for the blood of the Mutant Turtle.

REVIEW

Imagine mixing Stephen King with Alan Moore. This story is a clear descendant of both (more about Swamp Thing than Moore himself). Of course, Rick Veitch was no stranger to Swamp Thing at the time, so it is an obvious comparison.

TMNT stories are usually creative and weird, and that’s their strongest feature. But this story feels like a real tale, that while still has a level of weirdness, it is indeed a full-fleshed tale.

As such, this may be the first TMNT story I have read (up to 1989) that feels different. Like a real pro actually driving the ship. It’s an interesting experiment.

I feel like this is one of the best TMNT stories I have ever read, and its place in canon is actually debatable (the guest era stories are usually non-canon, but Eastman himself said that this story fits well in canon).

Veitch’s turtles also look amazing. I am not a big fan of his humans, but here his style fits perfectly.

I understand if the similarities to famous Stephen King stories take you out of the story, but it works for me.

I give this story a score of 10.

#rick veitch #tmnt #indie #teenage mutant ninja turtles #mirage studios #comics #review #modern age #1989 #stephen king #swamp thing #bloodsucker

[ill-skillsgard]

Damn Straight, Part 5 - Bill Skarsgård

Title: Damn Straight

Description: Deceptions bring a young couple to Mirth Island, a place of natural beauty and the promise of inner healing. When one of them is introduced to a young man who lives on the island, their budding friendship threatens to destroy more than just trust.

Warning: 18+ sex/swearing/drug use/mentions of addiction and cheating

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4

When I woke up in Bill's bed the next morning I started to feel panic inside of me. Although we didn't explicitly have sex the night before, we did cross a hard line. I had done it again. Slowly and without a sound, I got out of my laying position beside him and sat up in bed, planted my feet on the cool floor and breathed in deeply to ward off the wash of anxiety that was already blanketing me. With my head in my hands, I started to picture all of the terrible things that had happened over the course of the last year. I remembered the fight Cici and I had that ended with me leaving the house because I simply could not stand to be around her. It was over some stupid, mundane issue that she had decided to throw an ostentatious grenade at. I could hardly remember what happened but I did remember that it was enough for me to be sure that I wanted nothing more to do with her. I recalled entering a bar and ordering a double rye and ginger that I finished in under two minutes and then ordering straight shots to just get the job done properly. I remembered wanting to feel as numb as possible. I vaguely recalled a man hitting on me because I was alone at the bar taking shot after shot then saying more to myself than to him, "fuck it! I want to fuck my first guy!" I made that guy take me to his car so I could feed the demon that had been growing ever larger inside of me day by day. When I was starting to question myself, I would attribute my desire to that of an evil living within me. It was a shadow attached to my heels that tormented me and made me feel like I was sick but it was part of me nevertheless and that's what was so scary about it. The demon lived inside of my head and got bigger anytime I even gave thought to a man I passed on the street or saw a commercial for men's designer cologne. I remembered thinking, finally, this was what it was like to have a cock inside of me. A real cock, not a silicone vibrator or a couple of fingers. This was what it was like to be man-handled in the back of a car. I remembered the guilt I felt that followed and the pain I was in two weeks after. The doctor told me I had to take antibiotics because I had tested positive for a sexually transmitted disease. I told Cici I was just going to get a pap test so that she wouldn't be suspicious. The shame I had was so palpable thought that I couldn't even act like everything was okay. Then she found the medication bottle I was hiding in my purse and she quickly threw it together. That fight could have ended with both of us in the back of a squad car if I hadn't decided to tell another lie. I told her it wasn't my fault, that it was beyond my control. I told her I had a sex addiction to cover for the fact that I had cheated on her and she had found out. It was a flimsy little wimp of a lie but it seemed to convince her not to destroy everything in our house and bought me a little grace. Then came the pathetic attempts at putting the pieces of our shattered relationship back together. She would try to engage me sexually but when she sat in my lap and ground herself against me I felt the opposite of arousal. I wanted to push her away. I couldn't tell her that I didn't want to have sex with her so I resorted to claiming that I had to be celibate in order to overcome my fake addiction to sex. It only put her off for a couple more weeks. All the while I was trying to mentally prepare myself to tell her that I wanted to see other people. I wanted to move out and get my own apartment but when I paused to think about everything, I realized I would be giving away much more than just our twenty-year relationship. I would be giving up the house we had bought together, the promises we made, the first love I ever knew. But I just wasn't the same person as I was and it was easy to see, especially for her. When I finally alluded to the fact that I had been giving thought to us parting ways she did everything in her power to make me regret my statement. She threw things at me and screamed louder than I ever knew her to be capable of. With handfuls of her own hair tangled in her fingers, she broke down and told me that she would die if I left her. I told her that I couldn't be around her when she was like that so she locked herself in the bathroom. I tried to get her to open the door but she refused to. I remembered her turning the shower on and me thinking, "oh good, she's going to have a shower and calm down so that we can talk about this after." The shower went on for ten minutes and then twenty. Once she had been in there for thirty minutes with the water running I started to get a little freaked out. I turned the doorknob again but was met with resistance from the lock. I knocked and waited for her to scream at me to fuck off. I knocked harder and harder until I was the one screaming at her to let me in. Fearing the worst, I went to the front closet to put on a pair of boots so I could kick the door in. I remember how many times I had to hoof the door with all of my might and then some before it gave way, cracking and eventually splintering underneath the sole of my Doc Marten boot. Steam from the hot water billowed out of the hole I created and even more so as I totally demolished the solid antique door to get inside. When I ripped back the shower curtains she was laying in a heap at the bottom of the tub, wrists flapped open and bleeding out to wash away underneath the spray of the shower head. The culprit- a pair of bloodstained hair-cutting scissors were splayed out on the floor next to the tub. Screaming in terror, I quickly ran to get towels. I wrapped her bleeding arms up after I hauled her limp body out of the tub and onto the cold tiles. She was bleeding so much that it continued to gush out from the thick towel moments after I wound it around her arms. I had to call the police but I didn't want to leave her side for even a second. Hooking my arms underneath her armpits, I dragged her rubber doll of a body out of the bathroom into the kitchen where my cell phone had been charging. I remember the ride to the hospital and pacing in the staunch white box of a waiting room to find out if she was going to die or not. Minutes turned into an hour and my high-strung, anxiety-riddled brain had convinced me that she was gone. There was no way she could have survived ripping open her arms that wide. When they told me she, in fact, was going to make it I felt the strangest wringing in my gut. She was going to blame this on me. This was going to be my fault whether I accepted it or not. She was going to dangle this over my head until the end of my days. And I was right. After the shock of the incident subsided a couple of weeks later, she pulled her suicide card on me. Cici wanted to have sex and if I didn't have sex with her she was going to find a way to kill herself again. So I had sex with her and after it I sat on the end of the bed with silent tears pouring down my cheeks as she laid under the blankets, satisfied and content with herself. The more she reminded me of what she had done simply because I suggested we take time apart, the more I came to resent her and the farther away I strayed from the thought of wanting to patch things up. I knew for a long time that I would eventually have to free myself from her but I just didn't know how. Our families were practically planning our wedding, our house was in both our names and if I didn't give Cici exactly what she wanted she would flash her big thick, pink scars at me. I was done with that, I decided. If she would have rather died than be without me, what would I be able to do? I couldn't live under her thumb any longer. My true self was only beginning to break through the chrysalis. There was no turning back for me. After I came out of my own thoughts and became aware of my surroundings again, I looked over at Bill who was still asleep. Sweet, loving, caring Bill. I sighed as I took in his form and how he was stretched out from the head of the bed to the foot. My heart sang every time I recalled kissing his lips or him touching my face or the way he looked in the moonlight the night we all got too high. I crawled over the bed and ran my fingers through his hair, petting him until his eyes fluttered open. "Good morning," he rasped. "Good morning," I replied. "Have you been up long?" He asked me. I shook my head no. "I have to find Cici today. Or at least find out if she actually did leave the island." Bill sat up in bed and rubbed his face with those enormous hands. "Yes. We should look for her. I mean... If you want my help?" "Yes. I think I need your help." "Okay," he said, still sleepy but growing more alert with each second. We had a little bit to eat and Bill changed into some fresh clothes before we went downstairs to my suite. When we entered the room I tried to survey it thoroughly to see if anything had changed since I left. It didn't look like anyone had been there. I went through the drawers that Cici had stuffed her clothes into and saw that they were all still there. Bill checked the bathroom and the kitchen and I looked out the patio doors to see if by chance she was outside somewhere. When I turned back around I gasped, drawing Bill from the kitchen with a furrowed-brow look of concern. "Cici..." I said. She was standing in the doorway wearing the same thing she was wearing when she had left. I hadn't seen her in over twenty-four hours and it looked like she hadn't showered or eaten anything or slept a wink. "Did you two have a lovely night together?" She asked, voice frighteningly low. "Where did you go?" I asked. "Don't avoid my question." I looked over at Bill and swallowed hard. He stood at the step leading up to the kitchenette with his hands shoved into his pants pockets and his eyes wide with worry for the both of us. "I am not going to entertain you by answering pointless questions. Bill is just here to help." "Help with what? Your cock-addiction?" She spat. "Cici-" Bill was cut off. "Shut up! Who even ARE you, anyway? Some guy that fucks people's girlfriends when they come to this stupid island to try to fix their relationships? Huh? Where's the fucking peace and love and unity in that?" "Don't talk to him like that, Cici." "Oh, so you're defending him now? You must be a really nice fuck-toy if Vye is defending you! Did she tell you that she caught chlamydia from a dirty cock once?" I recoiled only slightly. Bill started to get this look of anger about him as Cici went on. "Enough! Cici... You and Vye need to settle this shit right now." Cici cocked her hip in that dramatic teenage way that I detested. "Then why are you here, Bill?" "He's here in case you decide to slice your fucking wrists again. Because no one human is capable of handling your bullshit. You're volatile." Cici began to laugh and held up her hands as though asking me to stop talking. "Oh, you don't have to worry about that, Vye. I'm not going to kill myself because of you. I want to stick around to watch your life fall to pieces without me in it." "I'm not going back," I stated, more sure of myself than ever. She scoffed at me, tossed a look in Bill's direction and then back to where I was standing. "Oh! Oh! This is good. Let me guess... You two are in love and you are going to stay on the island with him?" "Yes," Bill said. "She is going to stay with me if she needs to." "Cici," I started, taking a long breath in. "We are done. We have been done for so long but we are so fucking over now that it's not even painful to me anymore. You have exhausted every method of controlling me that you possibly can. I'm not going to fall for any of your screaming fits or suicide-attempts ever again." She crossed her arms and fumbled with what to say next so I continued. "There was a time when I thought you and I were going to go all the way but that time is long gone. And I want to be one hundred percent honest with you now... I am not anything like the person I was in high school or even a couple of years ago. I haven't been attracted to you for a long time and it has nothing to do with the fact that I like men. It has to do with the fact that you are a hideous person on the inside. You are fucking twisted and evil and the shit that you have done to me is so much worse than what I have done to you." "You're trying to tell me that cheating on your partner and getting the clap is worse than what I did?" Cici challenged me. "Yeah, I made a mistake but you haven't let me live it down for even a day since. You've been using your emotional manipulation to beat me down for months and months instead of thinking that maybe I have been having a hard time accepting who I am. You are so blind to anything that doesn't directly benefit you." "Well then..." She started. "If this is the end, so be it. I'll take all of my things and I'll leave you so you can finally be happy. There's a ferry leaving in an hour and I will be on it and when I get home I will pack my things and leave the house. You can deal with it all. You can pay the mortgage and all the bills and you won't have to see me ever again." My eyes fell to the floor for a moment. Her reaction was not what I expected. I thought she was going to go off like a time bomb and try to use one of her notorious fits to shift the focus away from what I was telling her. Her tone was anything but child-like, her calmness was alarming. She didn't even look like she was going to shed a tear. "Fine... If that's what you want," I said to her. "It is. I hope you have yourself a wonderful little life on Mirth Island. Now, if you please, leave so I can pack my stuff. I'd rather not have you fucking people gawking at me." Bill crossed the room and pushed me toward the patio door. I allowed him to guide me outside and when he shut the sliding door behind us I stared out over the beach. "Vye..." Bill said as I started towards the sand. "Vye! Wait!" I made my way down the path, putting as much space between myself and Cici as I possibly could. Bill followed behind me and tried to grasp my arm but I just kept trudging through the sand down to the water. "What are you doing?" He called out. There was nothing he could do to stop me so he settled for following until we reached the wet lip of the beach and even then I kept going, splashing through the tide, pulling my legs through the waves until it became hard for me to wade any further. When I was up to my navel in the water I dropped to my knees, plunging in and cutting off the sound of Bill's yelling. I let the water wash over me and exalted the deep running drone of the ocean. When I emerged for breath, Bill had stopped yelling for me. The water was cool and refreshing and I probably looked like a crazy person but I didn't care. I needed it. I had to wash away the residue of so many years of confusion and inner pain. I was released. I was self-aware. The anchor that had held me in place for so long had come free and I was finally able to drift away. The tide carried me back a little and I stood up on the sandbar. Splashing behind me told that Bill was approaching. A huge pair of arms wrapped around my body and I wrapped my own arms around them, dropping my head so that he couldn't see the tears running down my face. "Vye? Are you okay?" He asked, pressing a kiss to the back of my head. "Yes," I sobbed. "Yes." "You sure?" I nodded. "I am so fucking okay right now. More okay than I have ever been." I spun in his embrace and replaced my arms around his neck. He had to lean over to hold me the way I needed to be held. I kissed his smooth warm shoulder and his neck while I clung to him tightly, indulging my need to breathe in his scent and touch his skin. "Thank you," I whispered, unable to overcome my tears again. "Thank you so much." "Thank you for what?" He asked, half laughing, half absolutely dumbfounded. "For just being you. For being here. Thank you for being with me." He wrapped me up in his arms again and I felt so small pressed against his chest. He brushed my wet hair away from my face, kissed the top of my head once more and made sure he was holding onto me as tight as he could without hurting me. The sounds of the waves crashing in the distance were like music, his embrace a warm blanket around my body. We stood there for what felt like an hour. Nobody walking down the beach stopped to call to us and Bill didn't suggest we move until I was good and ready. When I was, he took my hand and led me back to the dry sand. He took my face between his hands and stared down at me lovingly. "I'm proud of you," he whispered. "Thank you." The heat of the sun began to dry my hair already. It was a gorgeous day and there was hardly a soul on the beach. Bill hugged me again and I couldn't help the way I broke down. It was hard not to sob into his shirt but I knew that I needed to. Months of emotions were spilling from me and I could do nothing to stop it. But it felt good to let go. I spent a lot of time just clinging to Bill and he knew that I needed it badly. I needed love and understanding and for somebody to tell me it was all right for me to feel the things I was feeling. After I had mostly cried myself dry, we decided to go back to the suite. Just like Cici claimed, the room was free of her belongings. Her suitcase that had been sitting next to mine was gone and she had left the room key on the bedside table. The drawers she had occupied were empty and all of her shoes were missing. Out of habit, I looked through my things to make sure everything was accounted for and when I was satisfied, I turned to Bill and sighed. "Everything good?" He asked. "Yeah. Everything is fine." ~*~ After the sunset circle concluded, I left the beach and went straight back to Seaside, up the stairs and right through Bill's door. He was sitting on the balcony smoking a cigarette, waiting for me to come back. When he saw me, he took one last drag and crushed the butt end out into an ashtray. I joined him on the balcony and sat on his lap. He tasted like smoke when I kissed him but I didn't mind that much. All I wanted was to kiss him and keep kissing him until I couldn't anymore. "Vye, I have something I want to tell you, a secret I guess." He said, pulling away from our embrace. He ran his hands over my legs and up my back, shifting in his chair so he was more comfortable. I was about to stand up but he didn't allow me to move, instead, he held onto me tighter. "Why didn't you come to circle and tell the ocean your secrets like the rest of us, huh?" I asked playfully. He flashed me that sweet smile, the one that stretched out his full lips over his beautiful face and revealed the cute dimple he had on his chin. "It's more of a between-you-and-me secret. I don't need the whole island to know." "What's up?" He sighed into the air and looked into the room then back at me. "I really wasn't going to tell anyone this but I also wasn't planning on meeting you. But... for the last couple of weeks I have been planning on moving." "Moving?" "Yeah. I'm going to be moving back to Sweden soon." "Oh," was all I managed to say. My heart began to sink into my stomach but Bill saved it by tilting my chin back up so he could look at my face. "I want you to come. I know it's fucking crazy and we just kind of met but... I want you to come with me." "What? Are you serious?" I asked, shock evident in my tone. "I know you have a lot of things to deal with back in BC but I know I'm not wrong about us. I want you here. I want you with me." "Bill..." I began but had no idea where I was going with it. "I told you that I couldn't promise I wouldn't be all over you." He reminded me. "I know, I know. It's just... Dude, I have a lot of fucking baggage right now." "So do I. So does everyone! I don't care. Baggage comes with anyone. I have seen your fucking baggage!" We both started to laugh and once we settled down Bill looked at me with his sparkling eyes and kissed me again. "Come to Sweden with me. You have spent your whole life in one place, doing one thing and I have spent a lot of time here by myself. I think the both of us could really use a change of scenery." "You are my change of scenery! You are a very big change of scenery!" Bill pressed his lips to my collarbone and purred, "Yeah, really big. You like how big I am." His hands ran down my back and didn't stop until his fingers couldn't push any further down the back of my shorts. Now that everything had been blasted open and Cici was gone, I had no feelings of guilt when it came to how attracted I was to him. I knew that as soon as we went back into the room and closed the doors I was going to find out exactly what it was like to be with a man. Bill rocked me with his hips a little bit and let his hand ghost over the front of my shirt. I shuddered when he squeezed my breast and stared up at me with those puppy eyes, even though he was anything but innocent. "Is it too soon? I don't want to freak you out." He said apologetically. "No, it's all right. It's not too soon. I just don't know what to say." "How about this? We'll forget about what I said tonight and you will go inside to take off those little shorts and that shirt and you're going to slip out of that little bikini and I'm going to meet you in the shower." "Then what?" I teased. "Then... I'm going to show you what it's like to have your pussy played with by a real man. That okay with you?" "Yes," I squeaked. "Good," He said, giving me a spank as I stood up to go do exactly what he had told me.

#bill skarsgård fanfiction #bill skarsgard fanfiction #bill skarsgård smut #bill skarsgard smut #fanfiction

[sindumpster]

What are your honest thoughts on Mpreg?

Honestly my thoughts towards mpreg are extremely conflicted and some of this may come off as a hot take to it’s more popular form so like…take my words with a grain of salt, don’t let what I say here dictate how you do things or what you feel comfortable with.

Also I’ll include a break if you just want to skip down to the things I like.

So…full disclosure, I’m extremely picky about mpreg. And one of the things that squicks me most (which also happens to be 90% of all mpreg content) is sentient babies. Especially when the art/writing is clearly horny and written from that perspective, if the baby has any chance of becoming a thinking and talking person I cannot get invested in that. Do note I have no issue with say, a happy couple having sex while one is preggo, that’s absolutely fine, sexual intimacy between is fine (not really my thing as an angst writer, but it’s fine). But the whole “baby makes me horny” thing…sorry but no. Like I could never justify having a baby for horny reasons, it’s not something I can wrap my brain around or tell myself it’s okay? If anything content like that just makes me worry constantly about the baby itself…which is why it took me so long to figure out what kinds of mpreg I do like.

Wholesome mpreg I can deal with, on a level. But I’m still an angst writer, and a lack of conflict bores me pretty quick.

Note, too, that I am 100% childfree. I don’t particularly like babies, and this may very much cloud my opinion on mpreg. In my mind, pregnancy is a huge hassle. It’s giving up a lot of your bodily functions in order to grow what is essentially at the time, a parasite. And yeh eventually you give birth to the parasite and then’s it’s a bundle of joy, but internally babies put the body through so much extra BS and it kinda sucks? Especially for humans, human pregnancy is pretty sucky in comparison to a lot of the animal realm (I mean sure we’re not sea lice levels of “ohgodWHY” but we’re not…good).

And on that coin, pregnancy is something I’m actually pretty afraid of. Not just for the shit it’d put me through, including making me feel really shitty about myself cuz it’d force me back into the female role, but any child I have would not be wanted…which is it’s own bundle of issues I’m not going to go into lol. But fear has a way of becoming kink and fascination so you might be able to tell what I’m insinuating here.

///////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////////

….anyways, all that clarification stuff aside, let’s get into, well, what I’m actually into?

So as a baby-hater–I mean childfree man (lmao) who is themselves scared of pregnancy and doesn’t like the idea of sentient babies, and yet enjoys angst and fucking with characters physically and psychologically…I settled more onto non-sentient pregnancy and parasitism/surrogacy. So basically once the babies pop out, they’re pretty much good to go and run off to do animalistic things. Maybe they share one touching glance with the unfortunate fella that just had to push them out of him, but after that the deed is done and that’s that. No “bundle of joy” fluff for me, sorry.

Also, most of the characters I target for this (*coughcoughjakecough*) are themselves battling with the issue of having kids–for one reason or other it’s a conflicting thing for them and it puts them through all kinds of hell trying to come to terms with it, figuring out what to do about it, whether to try hiding it or not, etc. Basically angst that focuses on the character going through it, not so much on the brood, because it’s kind of implied the brood will be fine no matter what, there’s no worry necessary focusing on their outcome, it’s focusing more on the character torment itself and what choices the character makes.

As for nonsentients broods, I tend to use either demons or monsters as filler (lol) since both can be easily attributed animalistic qualities and not really care about the father? They can also be given more beast-like qualities, they can come in any shape or size, so they can also have cool designs? They can also have spikes and other nasty things that make it really uncomfortable for the one carrying them, because…angst. They also tend not to really care about the torment they cause or really capable of understanding it, they mostly just act as pretty nasty parasites until they’re finally birthed. At best they might later become a sort of “pet”, but there’s no real father-child bond, yet the child itself is still innocent in a sense because it doesn’t any know better, it’s just doing what it does. (granted I rarely ever use “children” or “child” in my mpreg stuff, it’s usually “brood”, “offspring”, “litter”, “spawn” that more depersonalizes it because it’s not human).

And then most of my mpreg stuff is geared to Jake since he’s by far the angstiest about it. Like in a way Jake does crave some more feminine roles (he’ll never admit it of course), but the idea of having children freaks him out completely. He knows he’s not parent material and a really bad role model, that he’s not safe in his own right (the whole living in hiding as well as just being an unpredictable predator), much less for a kid, and frankly he has no idea what decent parents would do because he doesn’t have any to refer to (he didn’t have any father figure ever, and his mother just did not care about him–high key he’s also afraid of becoming like them the second he has a kid). But at the same time he’s appealing to creatures seeking something to serve as a surrogate to their broods (think oviposition, but the broods are squirmy and not eggs). He’s stretchy so he can take on more than the average schmuck, he’s tougher on the inside so he can put up with more abuse, and his magic is extremely easy to hijack in order to allow for him to keep everything alive and thriving, and he’s always very well-fed so the brood isn’t going to risk not getting enough nutrients anytime soon. The only thing he sucks at is the delivery, but there’s plenty of ways to get around that so it’s not that much of a loss given the appeal of someone that can grow a bunch of monsters quickly. And also sucking at the delivery=angst and possible medical drama, which is good shit.

So I guess basically end of the day I’m one of those guys that mostly just sees potential in mpreg for angst content? And for forcing characters to develop and deal with emotions you don’t usually get to see? Although honestly I’d argue that what I pedal /isn’t/ mpreg, at least in the traditional sense, because the baby itself isn’t the focus, nor is it sentent. But most people don’t know what I mean when I say “monster/demon surrogacy” or “monster/demon parasitism” so I mostly just call what I do “fringe mpreg” and call it a day.

#tmw wiggy writes too many words #lmao #mpreg #monster surrogacy #monster parasitism #asks #anonymous

[italicwatches]

GAMERS! Episode 01

Nobody participated in the game! Jerks.

I kid, I kid. I love you all.

So now that we’ve hit some of the big shows I’ve wanted to do for a while, it’s time to get at some of the lighter things! And mostly, I mean lighter workload. One-cour specials that I can burn through in a fortnight. Is that how you spell the actual word? The game has been so massively omnipresent over everything I look at that I can’t tell anymore.

…Anyways it’s GAMERS!, episode 01! Here we GO!

-We begin, with a blue sky, a flying plane, and a title pop! Then we scroll down from a school roof, down into a classroom. Everyone’s staring. It’s nearly 4 PM. Two figures stand against each other. Some folks have some pretty amazing faces on. Time is still. Like, full-on ZA WARUDO level time is still.

-And then…The clock finally clicks over. The cicadas start to buzz…And then die. Alas, poor cicada.

-SPRING!

-Hard cut to a game store advertising some naughty materials, as a narrator explains how some people are ‘above the clouds’. All the hottest titles for the PZ4 are out in force, and I’m pretty sure I recognize at least one cover. A young man gathers up some older, cheaper games on sale, as the narrator explains how these people might be an idol, a world-stage athlete, someone you truly adore…And for some, it might be a 2D character. As he picks up the game Golden Memories and I swear to god that girl in the center of the cover looks like she was in New Game. Is this from the same studio?

-Most can only watch these figures from afar, a source of distant admiration…So, when the cutest girl in school walked into the game store at the same time as this young man narrating, and suddenly spoke to him, one Amano Keita lost all capacity to get his body and brain to communicate. The entire stack of games (including titles like LEGION OF THE FANTASY, BASE COMBAT, and a baseball game I can’t read but I know I’ve seen that art style in a Japanese baseball game before) falls from his hands, and his eyes turn cartoony as his thought process just breaks.

-And Tendou Karen introduces herself properly…As Keita’s brain hooks together what he knows of her. The rich, call, curvy, flawless young lady of the school, the sort that draws admiration from her fellow girls and adoration from the boys. She’s smart, she’s beautiful, and she’s got amazing athletic results too. She seems almost too perfect to be real.

-The visuals make it clear that all this is going to fall apart. And our sloppy goofy hero is the reason why.

-She’s not famous, but she IS the kind of girl who has to hold a bag under her locker because of how many love notes are gonna fall out when she opens it every day. The idol of the school. Meanwhile, Keita’s a goofy loner dork who’d rather play vidjagames and is firmly in the middle of every metric the school tests him on. Average height, B- grades, damn near perfectly in the middle of all his athletic tests. Like, it’s almost impressive how nondescript he is by the on-paper metrics.

-And his brain is snapping and oh god he’s freaking out HE’S FREAKING OUT OKAY DEEP BREATH CALM DOWN CALM DOWN. She ends up helping him pick up the games, as he begins to wonder if this is going to lead to extortion or something. (The X makes it sound cool) Because he just cannot ponder why Tendou Karen of all girls would be talking to him, in a game store, and not the kind of family-friendly super mainstream one that only sells E rated games your little brother’s heard of, either. There’s an eroge poster right outside.

-As they pick up such games as STOIC BATTLE 2, and Evil ElEmEnt. But then she asks him if he likes these games, and he freaks out so bad he drops them, and now she’s gotta pick them back up because his hands don’t work. And OKAY DEEP BREATH CALM DOWN SHE’S JUST A NORMAL HIGH SCHOOL STUDENT LIKE YOU NO NEED TO FREAK O—

-She picked up Golden Memories.

-…OookAY IT IS TIME TO FREAK THE FUCK OUT MAXIMUM PANIC ENGAGED

-Oh god it’s even worse.

-The game advertises itself as specifically selling blonde-girl fantasies, and includes wardrobe malfunctions.

-You get three guesses as to what color hair Karen has and the first three don’t count.

-And thus now SHE’S having a bit of a freakout and both try to play it off and woooooo boy this somehow managed to get even more awkward. Could a spout of flame please consume him now to end this torment thank you Satan. He has to try and play off why he had a blonde-gals dating sim in his hands and he insists he just was reading it to see what it was about and of couuuurse, she totally understands, yes let us both just lean on this easy explanation that lets everyone walk away…

-But of course Keita is actually kind of a total dork for the design process of them and how tightly they managed to sell a game which is when he realizes he miiiight have oversold it OH GOD TOO FAR PULL OUT PULL OUT

-Yep she’s staring.

-PANIC.

-But she breaks out into the giggles, because she’s amazed with his passion about it…And she’s…She’s like him to…To join her…

-In the game club!

-The what now?

-Hard cut to an arcade, with a small group of folks from the same school playing a flashy mahjong arcade game, when a pink-haired young lady needs the help of one guy, Tasuku! There’s an amazing(ridiculous) looking stuffed cat in the claw machine, and he’s got the magic touch…And of course, having a desperate young lady needing his help would turn the eyes of any straight young man.

-But you’re paying for the play. You’re not cutting into his game budget with this thing.

-EVEN BIGGER EYES. Why you little…

-But, okay. Deep breath. In goes 100 yen, and okay, focus, watch the toy…And Tasuku pulls the magic trick, hooking the stuffed cat’s tag with the claw! One play, and it’s in this young lady’s hands! He tries to play it cool, but inside he feels like a total badass having pulled this off for his cute, if slightly ditzy, girlfriend. The visual cue would like to let you know that his pride will soon fall.

-That night, the whole gang finally leaves the arcade…When Tasuku spots Keita over by a bench, just kinda staring down onto the bench? What’s going on with him? …Well, it doesn’t matter. He’s just some dork without a hot girlfriend.

-The visual cues want to let you know that soon this dork and Task’s hot girlfriend will be meeting in secret and Tasuku will fail.

-So Keita is staring, because Karen is explaining. She just started the gaming club, since, well, there isn’t one. It doesn’t even entirely exist yet since she hasn’t done the initial round of recruitment to get the school to accept their existence, and youuuu are her first recruit! And wow, you’re polite. …Chill, Keita. Even her classmates are all super polite. Her teacher is polite to her! Hell, when she plays Mario, Bowser himself is polite! Okay that one has to be bullshit. Maybe it was a bug?

-It did happen after three straight days of trying to beat the speed running world record for the game… You were unconscious and dreaming! Your body collapsed from lack of capacity! The only bug is the one in your damn head that led to you thinking that was a smart thing to do!

-And Karen breaks out into the giggles, having finally gotten through Keita’s shell…As she admits that the gaming thing is a bit of a secret. Her friends don’t really know about it…She even picked this school because it once had a famous gaming club. But…It collapsed, in the time between her testing in and her first day at the school…She spent her whole first year politicking behind the scenes to get the school to let her revive it, and now she’s ready to make it stronger than it ever was! That’s actually impressive.

-But what will it be, exactly…? Well, playing games, of course. But not just that. They’ll be playing them seriously. Competitively. This isn’t just about the love of games. This is about games as self betterment. And for that, she needs the kind of souls who can slam themselves against the wall again and again until they finally, finally break through. And she found one, in you! The wind picks up, the springtime cherry blossoms swirl around them, and Keita is in awe, as he finds himself…

-Finds himself…Unsure what to say…When her mother texts her! She has to get going she’s already breaking curfew wait for her after school tomorrow BYE! Ohgodrunrunrunrunmom’sgonnabesomad

-That night in his tiny little apartment, Keita slacks upon his bed, playing his totally-not-a-PS-Vita. I think I will call it a PZ Vivio, because stupid references are the best references. So anyways he’s playing it, and he can’t help but feel like this game club thing…This could be huge! The event in his youth that he’s been waiting for! Is this a dream? A magical wonderful dream—He just got a text.

-Okay. Deep breath. Pick up the phone. See what it says.

-Oh, it’s just an alert. A game friend, Mono-san, is requesting help in a mobile MMO type deal. Sure. Sure thing. PZ Vivio go down, phone goes up…

-And then we fade over to the cutesy, curly-haired girl who is Mono-san…Just to make it clear what we’re dealing with here.

-Cut to the next day! Class just wrapped, and Keita takes a deep breath, as he has to decide what to do…And Mono-san needs help again? Well, he can take a couple minutes to dive into a boss battle, besides Karen was probably just fucking with hi—

-HEY KEITA

-Yipe!

-Yep she went and found him because waiting for him to find her sounded boring. And dang, you play mobile games too, huh? And everyone’s starting to stare. Okay. Okay deep breath they should go to the club room right now! He races out after Karen, having just declined the help request and please forgive him Mono-san…As Tasuku and his group watch this hapless dork walk off with the hottest girl in school.

-To the stairwell! Where we meet Misumi Eiichi! Keith is confused. He’s her other first recruit! She found him at the arcade playing vintage puzzlers! And he’s all kind of embarrassed, as Keita quietly realizes how much of a fucking idiot he was thinking he had a chance at this…

-But then Eiichi extends a hand, and admits he’s not a super sociable guy. But he’d love to be friends with Keita. And…You know what? There’s not a damn thing wrong with ‘just’ making some good friends who he shares a passion with. Keita shakes that hand with both of his own, and it might not be the dating sim fantasy he had in his head, but this still could work out just fine…

-As all three head for the clubroom, where Karen admits she had to do some very cunning work to get them to approve the club…But they get there, and she flips the door sign to reveal it is now OPEN! She even did a custom club sign with cute pixel art on it!

-The place is already kitted out with tons of games and setups, fight sticks and spare pads…And the other recruits. Kase Gakuto, who Karen has to introduce because he’s busy playing. Then, over there playing Guilty Gear is Oohiso Niina. Both of these two are the senpais of the group, and Niina is not listening because all that matters is the Guilty Gear.

-And Gakuto here is one of the top FPS players in the world, as he wrecks face at CSGo. Or as Keita calls it, COS. And Eiichi admits that he really only knows vintage puzzlers. Well they’ll have to teach you!

-And the best part? Everything here was bought over the last year by entering in local tournaments! The school may not be super into games, but they damn well like having trophies to display and students bringing in their own club funds! But what good is a game club if there’s no game playing? Come on, guys, pick something and play~!

-And Gakuto wants to see what these guys can do…

-Straight up first round, team deathmatches in Battlefield. Gakuto wrecks face, with Karen close behind, and the rookie guys do…Poorly. Next round! By the fifth match, Keita is better than two of the bots on his and Gakuto’s team, while Eiichi is slowly but surely improving a little. MORE ROUNDS. 30 rounds in, Keita is actually slipping from sheer exhaustion and Eiichi is getting intense too…

-A full two hours later, and Keita collapses. Karen even has to ask Gakuto to go a little easier on the new recruits, but no. He’s not running a damn training school. You learn or you fall behind. Do you want to be stuck here all on your own again, jerk?

-Also as an aside, they have a legit straight-up Guilty Gear XRD Rev2 poster up on the wall. No BASE COMBAT for that franchise.

-Also Gakuto strongly questions whether Eiichi has really never played one of these before. You got the hang of twin-sticking it really quickly for someone new…And you got three kills on him. Eiichi insists he just got lucky, but at this point I’m pretty fuckin’ sure he’s lying. But whether he’s secretly got practice or just is a fast learner…

-But as for Keita, why the hell did you just stand in that corner jumping up and down on that car in the last round?! He, he wanted to see the scenery past the wall…Well you’re making everyone else on your team’s life harder, you jackass!

-And soon Karen has to calm everyone down and call for a break, as she and Eiichi step out onto the balcony…And Keita just stares, as Gakuto goes right back to CSGO on the PC and I’m not entirely sure Niina even realizes the two newcomers are here. Karen ends up asking what got the two into games…And Keita realizes he doesn’t, really, have one…

-Contrast, say, Gakuto, whose father is in a PMC and so he came into the FPS genre with tons of core practices already in his head that got translated into game mechanics. Or Niina who is trying to pull her best friend back from the dark side. (Your friend turned out to be a Gator, huh? I’ve been there, lass. May your trials serve to bring them back to sanity.)

-And Keita suddenly feels very, very awkward…At least Eiiichi doesn’t have any good reason either, so Keita can just relax, and take a deep thorough drink from his coke can…

-He just lost his memoirs and when he came to, the only thing he was good at was vintage puzzlers.

-SPITTAKE

-Keita suddenly feels like the only sane man in a world gone mad. And Karen tries to lighten the mood and encourage them to stick around. This isn’t about being some world-class gamer. It’s just about the core idea of self-betterment through games, and anyone can do that, no matter where they’re starting off! Eiichi is sold. Give him the form, he’ll be joining!

-And Keita? Well…Keita…

-As he steps out of the room, Gakuto promises to teach him proper team play, and Niina silently shoves an old fight stick into his hands. They might be weird, they might be a bit intimidating, but there’s a kind and genuine heart in their core. This might just work. He can make this work! So he can most definitely say that he’ll—

-Pass! You guys are all super competitive and he’s into single player stuff and RPGs.

-Pardon?

-New day! Class! Keita has realized by now how much of a FUCKING IDIOT he was, when his phone buzzes! Mono-san needs his help…Sure, sure thing, that’ll clear his mi—

-Karen appears! And she’s not giving up. Join. Her. Club. She’s interested in you! And that gets everyone to go silent, as she holds out her hand…And the timer on Mono-san’s request ticks down, lower, lower…Keita reaches out, and…Taps it at the last second! What were you saying, Karen?

-…He…Look. He can’t join the game club.

-Why? Is it because you don’t think you’re good enough? They’ll take care of you, rookie or otherwise!

-…No. He’s…He’s not into competition. He likes the love of games. He’s not a competitive guy at all. Your focus is fantastic, but it’s just not for him, so…

-So Karen suddenly feels like she just got dumped. And everyone’s staring. She goes tsuntsun to try and save face but god dammit quit trying to be nice to her! She walks out in tears…Only to slip on a banana peel and faceplate so hard that she’s got to flee at top speed in a panicked sob…

-As Mono-san sends Keita a thank-you note for the save.

-Episode 01: Amano Keita and Chapters of the Chosen

-TO BE CONTINUED…

…You fucking stupid idiot.

#where I watch #recap #anime #gamers!

[starwarseureviews-blog]

Star Wars EU Reviews: Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones

While I must insist on making it abundantly clear that I love all of the Star Wars films, including this one, I have to admit that Attack of the Clones is my least favourite out of all of them.

Episode II shares the same weaknesses as Episode I, but also has the added problem of lacking memorable dialogue and relying too heavily on CGI, blue screen, and digital filmmaking which all combine into making Attack of the Clones a very banal and bland piece. For instance, the new planets, Kamino and Geonosis, lack the invigorating sense of novelty that previous new planets had. Kamino is a colourless, sterile, and boring environment and Geonosis is virtually identical to Tatooine with the exception of having more rocks and having only one sun. Much of the visual effects and action sequences are stale and lifeless and betray the fact that the actors were performing in front of a blue screen with little reference to add any reality to their acting abilities. One of the worst looking scenes is where Threepio gets tossed about the Geonosian droid factory as the heavy use of CGI has become extremely dated and is hideous to look at. And honestly I can say that about a dozen other scenes in the movie. Much of the visuals in this movie are either hideous or so banal and uninteresting that they are barely memorable.

But visual gripes aside Attack of the Clones’ biggest issue is its story and characters. Anakin and Padme have absolutely no chemistry whatsoever and everything they say and do in this film feels forced, phoned in, and fake. There is not a single realistic precedent for the two of them to ever fall in love. None. She outclasses him in every way and is way out of his league. After ten years of separation in which the last time she saw him he was a 9 year old with a crush she is now an idealistic and ambitious senator while he is now little more than a monk serving the Jedi Order. When they become reacquainted she is a mature adult working her way upward in her political career and he is an immature, precocious, adolescent whiner. When Anakin is assigned to protect Padme on Naboo he is supposed to just do his job in accordance to his station as a Jedi Knight. Instead he whines to her about all his feelings about his master and how “unfairly” the Jedi treat him. It seems so inappropriate to me for Anakin to get so vocal with Padme about his personal problems when his lower station and their ten years of separation have left them with little common ground. It’s equivalent to walking into a restaurant and the waiter starts whining to you about how his dad talks to him at home. Padme has no real personal reason to care. The inappropriateness comes to a head when he suddenly tells his supposed protective charge that he needs to leave Naboo for Tatooine to find his mother. Who does he think he is anyway? George Lucas tries so hard to convince us that there is some deep connection between the two of them, but there simply isn’t. The circumstances and environment they are in just isn’t right for such a connection to take place. The reason why Han and Leia’s romance worked so well is because they spent years together building it up with subtle flirtations, rebuffs, charm, and even fights. It’s a way more realistic look at a budding romance than having Anakin pop in virtually out of no where, behave like a spoiled child with temper tantrums and constant complaining, and say really stupid lines like “I’m in agony. The closer I get to you, the worse it gets. The thought of not being with you- I can’t breath. I’m haunted by the kiss that you should never have given me. My heart is beating… hoping that kiss will not become a scar. You are in my very soul, tormenting me…” Give me a freaking break! And don’t get me started on how Padme seems to think Anakin’s slaughtering Tusken women and children is OK. Most women would balk at that, but apparently Padme only thinks it makes Anakin a dark, mysterious, attractive bad boy. Attractive bad boys are supposed to wear black leather jackets, ride motorbikes, and say “ehhhhhh!!!” They don’t hack kids to death with a lightsaber! What is wrong with Padme??? And her confessing her love for him at the end equally comes out of nowhere and with no realistic precedent. The only people who could possibly buy this as a real romance are 8 year olds, the socially inept, and George Lucas.

What I can say positive about Episode II is that when it does get action scenes right it does a passable job. The fight between Jango Fett and Obi-Wan Kenobi in the asteroid field is really cool and I love the use of sound effects when Jango launches the seismic charges. It is one of the few scenes in Star Wars where the music is momentarily put aside to emphasise the sound and it works effectively. The music itself is passable, but I cannot claim it as one of John Williams’ best works. This and his score for The Force Awakens are probably the blandest soundtracks I have heard for Star Wars, but that is a purely comparative statement and when it comes to Williams his lesser work is still fantastic compared to the average compositions of other maestros. There are some other improvements and good points to be made about some of the characters as well. Ian McDiarmid’s performance as Senator Palpatine is still as great as always and Ewan McGregor provides a much better performance as Obi-Wan than he did in The Phantom Menace. He is beginning to sound more like Alec Guinness: a trend that he takes further in Episode III. We also get much less Jar Jar Binks which is a plus. And while I do not regard Count Dooku as the most interesting villain to come out of Star Wars I do have to give credit to the late Christopher Lee who puts his best in everything he does. You can’t get cooler than Christopher Lee and his presence alone is what turns Attack of the Clones from a mediocre movie to an OK one.

Aside from the issues with the love story most of the other things that bug me about Episode II are minor complaints. I can live with the film’s overall blandness, and I can forgive the bad Threepio puns in the arena, and I can even let go of the absolutely ridiculous and farcical Yoda vs Count Dooku fight which everyone seems to like except me. At the end of the day; and after all my complaints are spoken and my grievances heard, Episode II is still Star Wars. It has lightsabers, the Force, epic space battles, Jedi Knights, Ben Burtt’s sound design, and John Williams’ music. It may be the weakest Star Wars movie, but it is still a Star Wars movie. I may not think of it as highly as some do and my tone may seem to convince people that I hate the film at times, but I can honestly say I do like it. I have problems with it and no amount of mindless brand loyalty will convince me to ignore those problems. Despite my criticism I am actually one of the biggest Prequel defenders in my social circle. Attack of the Clones is like one of those brothers or cousins that few people outside of your family like and you admittedly know that they have good reasons to dislike them. But being family you defend them anyway and you accept their flaws. Attack of the Clones is as much as part of the Star Wars family as A New Hope or The Empire Strikes Back, black sheep or not. Besides, it’s not as bad as The Holiday Special. You have to admit that.

Check tomorrow for a review of Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith and may the Force be with you.