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shallowseeker · 2 years

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In 10x07, Cas was involuntarily attracted to naked Hannah, and no amount of fandom stuff is ever going to change my mind about that.

(Okay, I was exaggerating a bit just to get your attention there.)

But I think he was nervous seeing her vessel naked in a way he was not when she saw him naked. He has to try not to look. He straightens up, like he’s subtly aroused, and the picture on the wall is a whole bunch of erect buildings. Cas stands torn before two modes: duty and lust. (I would say his physical attraction to her is, if anything, a little involuntary and NOT something he wants to act on. I even think his bodily reaction may be why she thought she had a chance post-the gentle letdown he previously gave her.)

(Yeah, yeah…the board could be casework, the skyscrapers Heaven, but this is more fun.)

Season 10 screams painful things about temptation. I think that Cas is being actively tempted by Hannah, and he defaults to duty, as he always does when it comes to feelings. And Hannah? Wants so badly to be wanted. Maybe Metatron was right about her hidden needs: "desperate to be dominated” indeed.

/// Meanwhile, in the same episode, Sam calls Dean out for falling for a (prostitution) ploy. This comes on the heels of Cas's accidental rejection; that is, his response to Dean's "I'm glad you're here," which was "Another time. There's a female in the car." So, Dean goes in search of validation:

SAM: "But [Shaylene] seems, um... Kind of...available. Like too available. 'Oh, baby, whatever you want. I'm burning up just thinking about you.' No, it's not bad, Dean. It's too good to be true.

Then Shaylene shows up and Dean goes for it, because he (like Hannah) is desperate to be wanted. We cut to him being slammed against a wall, and she stops to tell him she has rules. But she means payment, and Dean is so disappointed that he wasn't really wanted.

As it turns out, Shaylene was “abducted” during a vulnerable time and forced to work gathering souls for a demon. (Ouch. Freshly familiar!)

But in a way, I feel like a fun reading of these sexy scenes being back-to-back is actually both of them being "aroused" and neither of them getting what they really crave (emotional connection). Alternatively, Cas secretly wants slippery shower sex and Dean wants Cas to slam him against a wall? Those two things are compatible.

///

As a character, Cas typically withholds his affection out of duty, even when he feels arousal that he could act on.

(It's fine if you read this differently, but I see Cas as being canonically aroused on multiple occasions: as an angel by straight-adjacent porn, by Meg on at least two occasions to the point of wanting to "move furniture around," and by a random human woman on the street after his grace had been cut out. Not to mention his "hopefully more of this" line and hopping happily back on top of April. So, to me, it's not a total reach to frame Hannah as a very real temptation here. I think Cas's "oddity" lies in being attracted to "strange flesh"/HUMANS/demons/“SOULS,” regardless of the whole gender thing. Ergo, as an angel, he's "queer" because he likes flesh in the first place, irrespective of the shape of that flesh.

HANNAH: He wouldn't listen, Castiel. He wouldn't let me go. I didn't want to hurt him. I could've erased his memories, but... It didn't feel right. I thought if he truly believed we were together, he'd give up. And it worked. So, why does it feel so bad? CASTIEL: You did the right thing. You hurt him, but you gave him a reason, something he could use to move forward and make sense of his loss. I had to take my vessel from his family -- twice, actually. Jimmy Novak. He was a good man. He was married, had a daughter...Claire. HANNAH: And? CASTIEL: And it was difficult but necessary. The mission comes first -- always.

But Hannah, suddenly, does not feel that this is the right thing. Suddenly, she's questioning the parameters of the mission.

Deep down, Hannah wanted to act on her feelings for Cas, but in doing so, she hurt Joe. That's a lot of what their kiss was about--stabbing Joe in the heart. She realized it was wrong to take Caroline for the mission and hurt Joe (and if you squint, I agree this could represent Dean). But at the forefront of my mind, Joe is Amelia Novak.

At core, Hannah realized that in wanting a relationship with Cas, it was at the expense of another person's life. And then came the shame of that. This plot works to underline Cas's shame, too.

It underlines WHY Cas is hesitant to stay on Earth, why he won't act on his feelings for Dean, and why he feels he doesn't deserve to. Meanwhile, Dean spins out because Cas, one of the people who truly knows him inside and out, who wants him to exist as an integrated human with good parts and demonic experiences (not all human or all demon)…doesn’t seem to want him. Anyway… unlike with Jimmy, Hannah can still save Caroline, so she does. But it's too late for Jimmy. Too late for Cas?

So, Cas looks up Claire Novak. Perhaps with enough penance, he can at least be allowed to stay on Earth?

///

Earlier in the season, Demon Dean is having freakouts revolving around monogamy and infidelity. In his mind, Dean hunts and only works works works. He's only good for work; that's all there is to him. He "whores" around, because he doesn’t think he’s good enough for a happy life/the commitment he might want.

And interestingly, the back half of season 10 is about the shame teenage girls feel when used by deceptive men for their own personal gain.

Anyway, Demon Dean is bitter about being looked down on, just as much as he's strangely sensitive about wanting fidelity, respect, etc. Honestly, if Dean didn’t seem to actively want monogamy and devotion, I’d be happy to leave SPN alone as the perfect story of platonic devotion or alternative relationships. But Dean’s got hangups about it. He seems to long for a simple, old-fashioned relationship.

He's sensitive about it, and so wistful, as if he's afraid he's ruined his chances from both the party-boy way he's lived his life and the undertaking of the Mark of Cain. (A painful parallel is that Crowley effectively dangled Dean in front of Cain in order to solve a power problem within his kingdom/Abbadon, in a parallel way to how Randy used Claire to solve his debt crisis. Claire was out running odd jobs to make money for Randy, and Demon Dean wound up working for Crowley to make money/souls in the Hell system.)

In 10x07, Dean seems disappointed that he's not even wanted, but when he faces Cole, we see that his self-worthlessness runs deep: "Cole, once you touch that darkness... It never goes away. Now, the truth is... I'm past saving. I know how my story ends. It's at the edge of a blade or the barrel of a gun." Ergo, Dean is “damaged goods.”

///

Anyway, Dean is sensitive about all of it, because it's the one thing he wants (and can't have, because it's Cas, it's Cas, it's CAS).

There’s a little truth in his distraction tactics:

Dean: What if I said I, I didn't want to die... yet. That I wasn't ready. Father Delaney: Are you expecting to? Dean: Always. The life I live, the work I do, I pretty much just figured that's all there was to me, you know? Tear around and jam the key in the ignition and haul ass until I ran out of gas. I guess I just thought sooner or later I'd go out the same way I lived, pedal to the metal and that would be it. Father Delaney: And now? Dean: Now. Recent events made me think I might be closer to that than I really thought. And I don't know; there's things, there's people, feelings that I-I want to experience differently than I did before, or maybe even the first time.

SPN 10x16 Paint it Black

///

Dean and Cas are, in season 10 and 11, struggling with, not just their feelings, but wanting to commit and live together despite their mistakes, and they both feel too worthless/guilty/ashamed to do so.

(We see this idealized commitment mirrored with Caroline and her husband Joe; he welcomes her inside when she comes home, the same way Amelia and Jimmy will welcome each other later this season, in Heaven.) (But Dean? Feels like he's damaged goods. He has no right to ask anyone to STAY with him, much less Cas. And Cas? Feels like he should be in Heaven. He has no right to STAY on earth, much less be together with Dean.)

Season 10 is a lot about the baggage of the past and how it affects the future; nay, how is cancels out the deserving of the future. It will not be until Mary comes back that Dean begins to hope for his own future, and Cas won’t allow himself this until Jack (the perfect earthly-heavenly cause) appears.

#dean stuff #dean/cas #temptations #spn 10x16 #cas stuff #spn hannah #duty stuff #soldier stuff #you always want what you can't have #bi cas #bi cas truthing #you are welcome to read it as uncomfortable cas but i genuinely think this is more fun for me personally #shal meta #the bi cas agenda #spn 10x07 #spn paint it black

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sortasirius · 3 years

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What the Fuck Happened to the SPN Finale?

Okay so here it is, my Charlie Kelly style manifesto.

Before I get into it, I recognize that I will look like this to many of you, and that’s okay, I understand:

Secondly, your personal Takes about the writers don’t interest me, I don’t need to hear them. This, as I’ll explain, is going to remain a writer positive blog, and that’s the end of it.

Third, and most importantly: some of what I’m going to talk about is fact, and some is highly educated speculation. I will notate what is speculation, just so there’s no confusion or hot takes in my inbox that I’m a conspiracy theorist or stirring shit up for no reason.

A list of what I’ll be discussing

The episode in regards to the rest of the season

The episode issues: length, editing

Scene placement and speculation of scenes cut

The scrubbing of Jack, Cas, Eileen

Network involvement and general timeline of when things were cut

Misha: theories on where he was, official company line, why we can’t expect to hear anything directly

The silence of the cast post episode (in Misha’s case, mid episode) and what this might mean

Jensen speaking with Kripke about the ending: why it doesn’t mean what you might think (also why kripke remained positive on the ending)

Walker, and why this episode had a major shift

Why the network would do this or get involved

Why the writers of the show simply aren’t the bad guys here, and what I “want” out of this post, since I know it’ll get asked

This is very long and under a cut, but I hope you’ll give it a read.

The Episode In Regards to the Rest of the Season

So, I’ve discussed this already here, but it’s the most obvious thing to me, and that’s the way this episode simply doesn’t fit with the rest of the season.

These people in this room have, truly, been nothing but consistent when it comes to their arcs, especially this season, and the marked dropoff in quality for the finale episode is just too sus to discount to me. Dabb’s whole focus has been character-based. In his seasons, we’ve moved far away from MOTW and bro-codependency, the found family taking it’s place. Does it really sit right to anyone that that was all thrown away in literally the last episode of the entire show?

This is speculation on my part, but as a writer myself, there is no way I would be happy or willing to stamp my name on something that I didn’t think would, at the very least, wrap up the season+ character arcs that I and my team had been crafting.

And before anyone comes in here saying, “well GOT did that!” Bruh. The writing was on the wall for GOT long before the final episode. You could tell that the showrunners just wanted to be done (not only from the plot, but from the fact that they lobbied for a shorter season). Miss me with that, it doesn’t apply here. Andrew has, besides Singer and J2, been with the show longer than anyone. He cares, he is meticulous and detailed, and this ending feels worse than anything Bucklemming has ever written, let alone Dabb.

Additionally, I’ve seen a lot of people say that Dabb was never behind Destiel, that it was all Bobo and Meredith and no one else. That is reductive to the point of insult of the work Dabb has done to get this greenlit. This man did not write the s13 Dean grief arc to be slandered like this. That being said, YES, Bobo and Meredith were the leads on the DeanCas arc this season, but ANDREW IS THE SHOWRUNNER, TO GET EVEN THE CONFESSION APPROVED BY THE NETWORK HE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THEIR BACKS. AND HE DID.

Finale Issues

So, now that we’ve gotten the fact that this episode doesn’t hit on any of the major themes the show was barrelling towards all season, let’s discuss the fact that the episode is just...weird.

Not only is it shorter than any other episode (I think with the intro and the credits/crew thing at the end, it was around 38 mins), but it was also...idk, 90% filler?

One of the lovely humans in the POLOL server did the legwork here, and broke it down:

This is weird, y’all. Most series finales are LONGER than normal (Lost, SOA, Longmire are the ones I can think of off the top of my head), and for the final episode to be this? I saw more than one person point out that we only really needed 19 episodes, what was the point of 20? AND THAT’S EXACTLY IT? WHAT WAS THE POINT OF THIS FINAL EPISODE IF THIS WAS ALL WE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET?

It simply doesn’t make any sense, the first half of the episode was rushed, a final monster hunt gone wrong, but in the second half? Nothing really happened? Sam lived his entire life and Dean just drove around. It doesn’t make sense to have all the emotional arcs left unaddressed in an episode that definitely needed some kind of spark.

Here’s the speculation I have: the episode seemingly went through a lot of changes between the initial inception of the final season and when we actually got it, but I think it would have been passable (as in, we wouldn’t be sitting here asking each other why each arc feels incomplete) until the editing room got ahold of it. The only think that makes this episode make sense is network fuckery. Truly, that is the only thing. It explains the weird, cuts, the rushed pacing of the first half followed by nothing in the second half, the double montages of “Wayward Son” back to back, and Dean just...driving around for the last half of the episode.

Scene Placement and Speculation of Scenes Cut

Before I get into this section, the info of the shots in the episode I have come from a source that @occamshipper got a week or so before the finale. She’s talked about this here.

So here’s what Min was given:

1-5: 1 INT MEN OF LETTERS – DEAN’S ROOM Dean is greeted by Miracle

6-10: 6 INT MEN OF LETTERS – HALLWAY/SAM’S ROOM Sam has his routine

D1 1 11-15: 15 EXT FARM HOUSE Establishing

N1 1/8 16-20: 19 Dad’s journal, marker, drawing of masked man in journal.

21-25: 23 INT IMPALA – PMP Driver picks the music

N2 1 3/8 1,2 26-30: 28pt2 INT BARN: A face from the past

28pt3 Sam and Dean say goodbye

28pt4 Shot early for technical reasons, presumably the overhead shot

N2 31-45: 41 INT MEN OF LETTERS – SAM’S ROOM Sam’s alarm goes off D4 1/8 1 46-60: 56 INT N7glasses for Sam, laptop.

So...it all fits right? It all tracks with the actual episode, where it lands, etc. The issue is between shots 29-40 which were apparently “too big to spoil.” Uh. Where are they? And where’s 28 pt4?

After Dean dies, the next scene is Sam burning him, then shot 31, the shot of his alarm going off.

So. Where are those 11ish shots?

PLUS we have the boards, which are scenes we KNOW were actually shot:

As well as scenes for 20 that were shot in 19.

It’s just...weird, it’s weird and again hits on the fact that the episode is so short and like 80% montage.

The Scrubbing of Jack, Cas, and Eileen

So now we have to reckon with the fact that Eileen was last mentioned by Sam after she got snapped by Chuck, Jack’s last mention is that he’s off being God somewhere, and Cas’ last mention is a ~knowing look~ between Dean and Bobby.

I’m sorry, make it make sense:

???????? That’s the end if it? They don’t need to be discussed after this??? It’s just simply not something a writer would do, they would not introduce these characters, these arcs, without thinking there’s going to be some kind of follow through here.

So not only were three major characters (including two leads and both of the original characters’ love interests) completely wiped from the finale episode, it was as though Sam and Dean never even needed them, which just...ain’t it.

So why Eileen and Jack too? Why not just take Cas out of it if they were afraid of the gay? Because, ultimately, the episode went back to Kripke’s original story: just the bros, they only need each other and no one else. They don’t want anyone else, they don’t need anyone else. Easier to go back to something they knew was successful than trust the writers and their audience and take a big leap.

Alex even said he shot for 20 with “some of the guys” here. What happened to that footage?

The complete 180 of it all still shocks me, I still cannot believe that we were essentially at the finish line, and the network just stopped short, and decided to go run another race, at the expense of the arc of this fifteen year legacy show.

Network Involvement and When Things Were Cut

Okay, now into the juicy stuff.

So I’ve pretty well established that network fuckery is clear, but how much did they get involved, what was the original intent?

Well again, we may never actually know what Andrew’s original script was, but I think, at the least, it would involve Dean speaking his truth to Cas and Sam living a life with Eileen.

Now, it seems today, that Misha said that Jimmy Novak was supposed to be in the finale in one iteration of the script, and while initially my brain was like “that truly makes no sense and he’s either straight up lying or telling a half truth,” I think what may be happening is Misha talking about as much as he can right now.

So Jimmy right. Weird as fuck. Why would he been in the Roadhouse and not Cas? My current thought (this is about as reachy as I’ll get) is that Jimmy had no lines, could he have been in the Roadhouse as a red herring, like it said “Jimmy” in the script but it was just Cas in human clothes, a way to get around the network saying Cas couldn’t be in the final scene. Also, you’ll notice that Misha didn’t say that Cas wasn’t supposed to be in the ep at all, just Jimmy in the last scene.

All this to say, there have clearly been multiple versions of the script, getting lighter and lighter with Cas and Eileen as the network pulled further and further back. Remember, Dabb has to get things approved before they get shot, and if the network kept asking and asking and asking to cut Cas and Eileen, he had to find a way to work around it. Granted, I still think that if we had been able to get a Dabb script that wasn’t torn to shreds in editing, it wouldn’t be so bad. It may not be what a lot of us wanted (Dean speaking his truth to Cas and a reciprocation), but doing everything he could to give it to us in subtext or visual clues.

Plus, in all honesty, my man can’t keep his story straight anyway. He said twice in his panel that the Empty and offscreen Heaven ending weren’t his original ending either.

In addition, remember that Jensen did ADR post episode 18, AND said in a meet and greet last weekend that Dean’s reaction to Cas’ confession was “cut down.” (Source here). Many of us clowns got excited when we first heard about ADR, because we thought it would be upping the ante on Dean’s reaction, but I remember being a little sus when it was just crying. My speculation on that is that they cut out Dean actually SAYING something, @winchestersingerautorepair spoke about that here.

The biggest sins were, in my opinion, committed during editing, where the network got too gun shy and sliced the episode until it was nothing but a heartless bro-fest of a finale, not mentioning anything about the other major characters that we all love, and letting the boys just suffer in separation until Sam died and finally joined Dean in Heaven. The editing came by cutting all the major emotional beats between anyone other than Dean and Sam, leaving the skeleton of the story intact, just shorter and less...poignant than it was ever supposed to be.

Misha

We know Misha was in Vancouver, we know he quarantined, but we also know he wasn’t in the final scene, when he spoke about being in the last moment of the show months ago. We were not crazy, he was there, he quarantined, and, in all likelihood (speculation but fitting with the timeline), he actually may have shot something (not much, but something).

I have sources here, here, here, and here showing where Misha was at that time.

Remember, the man was completely open about coming back until they finished shooting (look at this thread). The switch happened, just like everything else, halfway through them shooting.

Please also remember Jake Abel posting his “Where’s Misha” video here. Jake isn’t malicious, he isn’t being nasty here. Misha was there, and everyone that’s trying to convince people he’s wasn’t just...isn’t telling the truth about it.

This is one of the things that makes me really mad, because they’re literally attempting to gaslight people into thinking, “oh we were totally wrong he was never supposed to be there” WHEN HE WAS THERE, WE KNOW HE WAS THERE.

So we’ve already heard from several people (Meghan Fitzmartin, Jay, a PA on the set of 19 (WHO WAS NOT WORKING FOR 20), Misha himself) that this was all down to Covid restrictions. Ultimately, as this post says, we’ve heard FIVE versions of where Misha was. None of it makes sense, but the Covid protocol seems to be the company line that others are repeating.

You may ask: why? Why lie to all of us when we have questions? Why, in Jay’s case, say that we’re all spreading false lies to stir up trouble, when we just have questions and things that do not make sense. Simply? Warner Brothers is absolutely massive. These people have their careers to protect and are likely all under NDAs. They want to work for WB again and don’t want to burn bridges, including Misha. It sucks, but that’s why it’s unlikely that we’ll hear someone come out and say, “yeah we’re lying to you.”

Silence of the Cast Post Episode

So this is...probably the worst part of all this, at least in my opinion.

The guys had all been pretty excited about the end of the show (especially Jared, but Jensen’s panel last week was Jensen as happy and jokey and positive as I’ve ever seen him. He was so excited about episode 18, about what it meant for Dean and for Cas, and I just cannot buy that he would have been that excited unless he thought there was something more in the episode.

Misha live-tweeted the episode, and was watching it with his kids. It’s well known that Misha and the kids don’t watch the show because it’s too scary, and let’s ask ourselves, why would he have them watch an episode that he’s barely even mentioned in?

He also stopped live-tweeting at a very specific point in the episode (Dean’s death) and has not mentioned Supernatural since then.

None of them, not Jared, Jensen, Misha, or even Alex, said anything about the episode for nearly 36 hours, when Jensen posted a salty photo on instagram. It’s just...not what you’d expect for the end of a 15 year show, when the cast and crew are so close to the fans, so close to each other.

My theory? They didn’t know. They thought Misha was, at least, going to be in the episode in some way, and when he wasn’t, they decided not to say anything.

You really think that Jensen “Heller” Ackles would have been so excited about the end of the show last week if he thought Cas wasn’t going to be in it at all? Nah son, doesn’t make any sense.

Even today, in Jared and Misha’s panels, they seemed sad and...more than a little careful, both saying that there were things they couldn’t say, both talking around things that we all have questions on.

Jensen Speaking with Kripke

So this is where a lot of people are getting fodder to take shots at the writers, saying that Jensen hated it from the beginning, but I don’t think so. I actually think I know what Jensen went to him about, and it wasn’t the lack of Cas or the weird pacing or the montages (which I don’t think were there when Jensen got the script); I think it was the manner of Dean’s death.

I know a lot of people were upset about that, upset with how...normal it was, coming off an episode where they literally beat God. I actually didn’t mind it, I thought it was an interesting thematic take to be like: you can be a hero all your life, but sometimes shit happens, and you just die.

But imagine how hard that was for Jensen to read. He would run to Kripke for that, because for him, Dean dying by being impaled by a piece of rebar had to be tough to swallow.

So, why didn’t Kripke say that? Why didn’t he say, “oh well he had a problem with Dean’s death, none of that other stuff was in the script.”

Guys. Why would he get involved? He’s not going to burn bridges any more than anyone else is. He said the ending was good because it’s the easy thing to do, it’s simple, will cause him no problems in his career, and he can just ignore the people trying to engage with him on it.

Walker

Something else to talk about is the major shift this episode had from the rest of the season: the shift from Dean to Sam. I am NOT saying that Sam isn’t important, he definitely, absolutely is, but it was DEAN who really needed to wrap up his arc, Sam just needed to move on, get married to Eileen, become the leader he was always meant to. So what changed? What was with the shirtless scene, the Austin number and random case there, most of the episode being heavily Sam focused, going through his entire life in a montage?

Anyone else notice the 375 Walker promos, or Jared’s little spiel about Walker and how he hoped SPN fans would “come along for the ride.”

It’s...kinda obvious? CW wanted to appeal to who they think the key demographic of SPN and Walker is: rural areas in the South. It would explain a lot, why so much editing, why so Sam focused, the Austin number, the number of Walker promos, all of it.

I’m not saying this is fact, I don’t know that it is, but it is a little suspicious that even in Jared’s panel today, he talked A LOT about Walker and how he hopes SPN fans will watch it.

Why Would the Network Get Involved?

Simply put: $$$

If they think Walker can be the new SPN, and that those crazy SPN fans liked it originally, it’s a lot safer to go with the “original intent” of the show than do something risky (like making one of your two original leads queer).

And? They don’t care. They don’t care that the episode didn’t make sense, they don’t care that all the emotional arcs were left hanging, they don’t care by (potentially) smashing together two of Dean’s monologues (one to Sam, one to Cas) that it came of as...gross. ( @curioussubjects wrote a beautiful post showing how part of that death speech was likely meant for Dean here). They don’t care, they never have, they just want to make their money and move on from the too-loud fandom that fought for representation too hard for too long.

It can’t help but feel insidious, which, honestly, it might be, but it really all comes down to the next cash cow, which, they think, is Walker, even at the cost of the fifteen year legacy show.

The Writers and What I Want

So here it is, all this weird, sus shit laid out on the line. And you know what? To me, there is no way to blame the writers, because they didn’t want this.

I don’t think Dabb and Bobo would have gone ahead with the confession in 18 without thinking that there would be some closure to that arc, they wouldn’t have done that not only to the fans, but for the sake of their own story as well: no writer wants to start something that they can’t finish. (And this applies to both Cas and Eileen).

Here’s a basic rundown of what I think happened: they had a clear arc from 18-20, ending in reciprocation at some level from Dean, Sam marrying Eileen, Hunter Sam as the new Bobby, Dean in heaven with Cas and big roadhouse reunion at the end. Covid prevented a good amount of that. Network had to stare at big gay 18 for six months, got cold feet. Thought about Walker, target audience and alienation of the rural areas if it went full gay. Misha quarantined and likely shot something (not much), he was then cut by execs and went home. They likely added in lines referencing Eileen and Cas to make it clear but more subtextual. They wrap, editing gets it and hacks it to pieces, so we get a shorter episode that’s mostly montages and jarringly bro-centric with nothing else. Arcs are left hanging. Dabb gets episode but it’s too late, there’s nothing he can do. Actors aren’t told so they can continue to do positive PR for the ending, they all found out at the same time we did: hence almost complete silence about the finale.

And you know what? They warned us. I talked about it here, but they’ve been telling us all season that Chuck wasn’t the writer, he’s the network. I don’t think, still, that they thought it would be cut up like this, into something so unsalvageable that it’s been panned by almost everyone, even people who didn’t care much about Dean and Cas.

Finally, a masterpiece can be ruined by editing, and while I’m not sure even the script they ended up shooting on was a masterpiece (due to the network meddling already), but to me it’s blatantly obvious that it’s no one but the network that caused this, that took away closure for Dean, Cas, and even Sam.

So what do I want? Nothing really, there’s nothing we can do, but I wrote this mostly to show people that the writers are not your enemy. In fact, to the people trashing them? You’re doing exactly what the CW wants you to: blame the obvious targets, blame Misha, blame Jensen and Jared, blame Dabb. Scream and yell at them on Twitter and about how the show is ruined because of them. The network keeps their engagement levels high, they don’t get as targeted for their behavior, and just keep moving along.

Just, please, think about who did this, Mourn the show, be angry, but not at the people who fought tooth and nail for this for literal years, not the people who wanted it more than we did, not the people who cannot say anything because of their careers and the NDAs they’re bound by.

Someone is going to spill eventually, but until then, we just have to wait, and continue to be loud.

#my writing #my meta #supernatural #spn #spn finale trash fire #MY MANIFESTO IS DONE

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theseourbodiesrp · 3 years

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Bring on Many Changes (end!verse fic ft Claire Novak)

@pantslessoptimism HATES HAPPINESS

end!verse, tw: drug use, tw: death, tw: violence, tw: suicide attempt

Claire was frozen to the cabin steps, eyes wide as she watched Dean holster his gun, watched Sophie’s body fall to the road. He didn’t look up at her, didn’t acknowledge her or glance down at Sophie’s body. He just strode on, turning to speak to his second in command and gesturing at Chuck to take care of it.

The former prophet glanced up at her, taking a breath and licking his lip. She didn’t move; her hands trembled and her mouth opened to scream, but no sound came out. He moved to do as he was bidden; Dean’s word was law at Chitaqua. If he said someone was infected, then that person was infected. Infection was a death sentence, of course. No one wanted a croat in camp, no one wanted to become one. Sophie had once asked Claire to kill her if she ever got infected, kill her before she turned so she could die being herself and not a monster. Dean had done no more than what Sophie would have wanted, but that didn’t alleviate the grief and anger building in Claire.

He didn’t care, was the thing. Infection was a threat, so he’d eliminated it. Sophie didn’t even factor in, not for Dean.

“Claire, don’t. She wouldn’t want this, you know that,” Chuck’s voice was in her ear, easy and soothing. It took her a moment to register the sound of someone sobbing, and then another moment to recognize it was her. She hadn’t realized she’d moved until Chuck spoke, but she was kneeling on the dirt road, Sophie in her arms, sobbing like a broken child. His hands were on her shoulders, trying to ease her away from her friend: they still weren’t sure if the infection could be transmitted postmortem. “Come on. Shh. Just shh. It’s all right.”

She shook her head but tried to get her sobs under control. Tried to pull herself together. She took a couple of hitching breaths, raising her hands, stained with Sophie’s blood, in surrender. Chuck’s men moved the body, murmuring condolences she didn’t hear. He pulled her to her feet, hugging her tight to him. She pressed her face to his chest, not crying anymore. Her heart ached, her whole body hurt from the loss, but she refused to cry. Chuck stroked her hair and she let him tell her it was going to be okay. She didn’t believe him, but he had a nice voice.

xxx

He didn’t let her out of his sight for days. He didn’t let her go back to the cabin she’d shared with Sophie, either. After Sophie’s funeral pyre, he’d made a pallet on the floor for himself and tucked her into his bed. he told her to rest. She didn’t sleep much, but every time she opened her eyes, he was there, bringing water or food or just talking. She would have been comforted if her loss hadn’t been so monumental.

“I want to die,” she told him one night in the dark.

“She wouldn’t want that,” he countered, voice gentle.

“I don’t care.”

“She loved you.”

“She wouldn’t want me to be alone. She wouldn’t want-”

“You’re not.” He came and sat on the bed, touching her shoulder briefly. “Can you see that? You’re important to someone else.” She shook her head: it wasn’t the same. She did appreciate everything he was doing for her, wished she could find the will to live. But without Sophie she couldn’t. Sophie was the only person who remembered her from before the world ended. Half of herself had died with her friend, so why not let the rest of herself go, too?

“I don’t want to hurt you.” She murmured.

“I know.” She’s grateful that he’s not asking her to make promises she’s not going to keep. They’ve both seen enough death to know what it look like when it approaches. Sometimes it looks like cold green eyes narrowed behind a gun; sometimes it’s a blond head on a greying pillow, eyes blinking against tears in a familiar darkness.

xxx

She left Chuck’s cabin days or weeks ago. Maybe only hours, who knows. Who cares. There is a world of difference between drifting on the nothingness of loss, and drifting on the nothingness of Cas’s drugs.

The drugs are better.

“Claire?” His voice is far away, but she thinks he’s supposed to be near. She turns her head and blinks slowly. He is close, lying only a little ways from her. They are on the floor of his cabin, on a bed of blankets or pillows or something.

“Yes.”

“Just checking.” she contemplates that, Cas just checking on her. He never cared before, not when he took Jimmy and not when he came back and ripped their lives apart, and not when he let Dean Winchester ruin the world and not when Sophie-

“Do you know that you’re talking, or is that just a stream of semi-consciousness?” He asks. She blinks again; she’d been saying all that out loud? weird. She thinks for a moment, but then she feels warm and soft and she starts to drift again.

“Cas?”

“Yeah?”

“I hate you.”

“Yeah, Claire Bear. I know that.” He’s not mad. She thought he would be, but then that’s not the first time she’s told him that. His bitter laughter fills the room and she reaches out, finger tips brushing his wrist. He turns to look at her. “Do you want to die? I mean really die, not just existentially. We’re already all dead, existentially.”

“What’s, uh. Existentially?” She asks. The word tastes funny in her mouth, the vowels a little too round. he laughs again.

“You are. My own personal existential crisis.” The words are rueful, and he sits up. She tries to as well, but her limbs are heavy. Instead she just lays there and licks her lips. Breathes in and out and imagines Sophie’s laughter.

“Yeah.” She closes her eyes “would you wanna? Die, I mean. Without Dean.” There is no answer for a long time. She drifts.

“Yes,” he says finally. She doesn’t answer.

xxx

Chuck comes to check on her one night. She is laying on the floor, her nest of pillows and blankets around her. She’s half-sober, debating getting up or going back to sleep. She dreams about Sophie, is the thing. and when she’s high it’s easier to believe the dreams are real. It’s easier to believe when she wakes up, Sophie will be right there. It’s never true, but she’s not that interested in truth anymore.

“-can’t stay here, Cas. She’s just a kid.” Chuck says, his voice grim. “This is no place for her.”

“If you’re worried about my poor virgin eyes, he doesn’t have orgies anymore. Kinda awkward when your vessel’s kid is right here. right, Cas?” she says. Cas chuckles. They are starting to understand each other, in a way. He accepts all her comments about how he ruined her life and how much she hates him. He never mentions Sophie, or Jimmy and Amelia. It works for them.

“Listen. you can do whatever you want to yourself. And with or to any consenting adult in this camp. I’m not judging, you know that.” Chuck says, and there is a note of anger there that’s surprising. “But not her. She’s just a kid. Do you get that?” Cas nods, and Claire huffs, closing her eyes.

“Hey, Chuck? you’re not my real dad. Get it? Because my real dad... well. you know.” She grins, but judging from the stony silence, neither of them finds it as funny as she does. After a moment, Chuck speaks again, and his voice is lower, more raw.

“She’s what we’re fighting for, here. You get that, right?”

xxx

The grief of losing Sophie sits right next to her heart, and somehow swallows her whole. She doesn’t want to eat, but Chuck sits with her and gives her small pieces of bread and vegetables and whatever there is of fruit. Presses juice and tea on her, and she doesn’t have the heart to refuse.

Cas no longer lets her have any drugs, and she doesn’t trust any one else’s supply. He does still let her lay on his floor and tell him she hates him, though.

She’s laying on the floor and telling him a story about how one time Sophie decided pants were bullshit, so took hers off and went running around campus yelling about pantsless awesomeness. and how she, Claire, had to talk the campus cop out of arresting her. Cas chuckles at the right times, and it eases something in her just a little to share that much of Sophie. to say her name.

But then Dean walks in, and she stops talking. He glances at her, then turns to Cas.

“Resa’s making a supply run. you’re on the team,” he says. Glances at her again. “And her. Everyone’s gotta pull their weight, she can’t just mope about some dead croat for the rest of her life.” He’s gone before she can get to her feet and scream that Sophie wasn’t some dead croat, she was a person and a better person than Dean Winchester ever tried to be.

Cas catches her before she can go running after their fearless leader. He pulls her to him, trying to soothe her. But no, no. It feels like when Jimmy would comfort her for her little-girl tragedies, scraped knees and lost dolls and hurt feelings. She didn’t want to know if Cas’s heart beat in the same rhythm as Jimmy’s, so she pushed him away and ran out of the cabin.

“I hate him, Chuck,” she says, throwing herself at him. He manages to catch her and keep them both upright, no small feat when you have a small, angry blond hurling her entire bodyweight at you out of nowhere. “I’d kill him if I could.”

“Cas?” He asks, smoothing her hair back and rubbing her shoulder.

“Dean.” She buries her head on his shoulder, and he hugs her until she doesn’t feel like crying anymore. but the abyss around her heart, the absence of Sophie, burns through her until she thinks she’ll die from the lonliness.

xxx

She goes on the supply run, because you do not refuse a direct order from Dean Winchester. Cas insists that Claire stays with him. She goes where i go, Resa. Deal with it, and so that’s how they end up on croat patrol together.

It’d be easy, she thinks. She could drop her gun and walk up to the nearest croat. She’d probably get torn to shreds in minutes. And if not, at least she’d be infected, a death sentece of it’s own. She’d be able to find out of there’s an afterlife, and if Sophie’s waiting for her.

“You’re not the first,” Cas says, tone matter of fact. She glances at him; his eyes, too, are fixed on the road.

“First what?”

“To consider death by croat.” He tells her. “It’s a bad way to go. Painful and bloody. Only upside’s it’s a quicker death than waiting for Lucifer to make his final move.” She shrugs, heart squeezing tight.

“Not as quick as death by Dean Winhester,” she counters. Cas huffs, and she can’t tell if he’s amused or not.

xxx

A day or so later, she stops by Cas’s cabin to tell him she hates him. But he’s not there. Odd. She’s turning to leave when she thinks it’d be easy. He has so many drugs laying around, he’d never miss a handful of them. She’s moving before she can stop herself, taking a handful of the likliest looking pills. She goes to her and Sophie’s cabin, sprawls on the floor.

By the time all the pills are taken, she’s feeling heavy and the world is fuzzy around the edges. She smiles.

“Ice cream,” she murmurs. This is a game she and Sophie used to play, what they’d have or do if it was available. “Iced coffee. Anything with ice, really. A slushie.” She takes a breath, mouth popping open as another idea occurs to her. “Oh my god. slushie with ice cream.” Those’re called screamers where she’s from, and they are delicious. She tries to reach out for Sophie’s hand, another thing they used to do: hold hands in the dark together, because the world was fucked up and scary and all they had was each other.

Tears trickled out of the corners of her eyes, and everything was soft and dark and she was so tired. “Or maybe... you. Just you, Soph.” and then there was nothing but soft, warm dark. She let it take her.

xxx

The light is too bright and her body feels like broken glass and her tongue is parched and if this is the after life, it sucks. She tries to move, but it’s a feeble attempt. It brought him to her side, however.

“Hey,” he, the says, smoothing hair back from her face. “don’t try to move. Here,” pressing a wet cloth to her lips. “We don’t have ice, so this’ll have to do.” she parts her lips, and a small trickle of water touches her tongue. It feels like heaven.

“you gave us a scare, Claire Bear.” Cas says. He takes the cloth away, dips it in more water. Presses it to her lips again. “We thought... i thought...” But she’s drifting again.

This goes on for a while, she doesn’t know how long. Sometimes it’s Chuck and sometimes it’s Cas when she wakes up. always the cloth to her lips, and then small sips from a cup. She drifts back out before she can ask any questions.

and then, finally, she’s lucid. It’s Cas by her bed; his eyes are closed, his hands pressed together in front of him. It looks like-

“Don’t tell me you’re praying,” she whispers. His eyes open, and she’s shocked by something in them she’s never seen before. Relief? The kind that settles in your soul, the kind you were certain would never come.

No. Humanity. He looks entirely human and vulnerable and almost broken, She closes her eyes.

“To whom would i pray?” He asks, but there’s no sarcasm or mocking there. “No, i was just thinking.”

“About?”

“Are you hungry?” He evades her question neatly,. She’s too tired to press the point. She turns her head away from him, but reaches out with one hand. He takes it; his hand is warm and callused. bigger than she’s used to anymore, too; Sophie’s hand was the same size as her own. and for a moment, she wished desperately that it was Sophie’s hand and not his.

But if his was what she had, she’d take it.

xxx

As soon as she was strong enough, she left Cas’s cabin and went back to Chuck’s. She didn’t talk to him much, but he didn’t mind. He got her her own cot, put up a privacy curtain for her. Gave her as much space as she needed, but still forced her to eat and drink enough to regain her strength. He started taking to her about the camp logistics, and as she recovered, she started helping him more and more.

It was so unfair. There was an absence of Sophie that ached through her almost constantly. and yet her heart kept beating and her lungs kept breathing and her body kept going. Every day without her best friend was a day she didn’t want to live in. And yet.

Yet. The logistical work was interesting. figuring out rations and distribution kept her occupied. And she was learning to enjoy Chuck’s quiet humor. To appreciate his silences and his rambling outbursts of story teling. They soon talked a lot, mostly about the camp. Or the stories Chuck wanted to write if he ever had the time.

She still went to Cas’s, to lay on the floor and tell him things. She hardly ever said she hated him, now. She mostly talked about Sophie. Amelia. Jimmy. And Cas listened. Sometimes he’d talk about his own family, his Heavenly family. All those siblings, from whom he was cut off for ever. She even taught him the game she and Sophie used to play, even though his answers were often weird and not the point of the game. Paradise, he said. The garrison. Aramaic, which he insisted was a beautiful language but couldn’t actually prove because he no longer had his divine memory.

“Dean,” he said one day. His voice was quiet, serious. He always tried to be sober in the early afternoon when she visited; she didn’t like him when he was high. “From before. You never met him-”

“Yes, I did.”

“No, Claire. You met him when he was in the midst of a battle. He was a different person when we weren’t fighting for our lives. He was a good man. One might even say, a righteous man.” There’s a hint of sarcasm there, and she grins bitterly because she knows what it means. She remembers from being Castiel’s vessel.

But she reaches her hand out. He takes it. She rests her fingers on his wrist. “You don’t know this, but he was funny. He and Sam.... they were good men. That’s what i would have, if I could. Dean, and Sam.” She doesn’t answer, just lets her hand rest in his. After a long silence, he asks, “What about you, Claire Bear? What would you have?”

She gives a sad, bleak laugh.

“Sophie. Just Sophie.” He squuezes her hand for a moment, but that’s all. She’s surprised that she can live with the absence of Sophie. It is not the same, and not ideal, and not even what she wants. It just is. She has not chosen survival, but if that’s what she has, she’ll take it.

#pantslessoptimism #abandonall hope; you've already abandoned me #end!verse #te: death #tw: violence #tw: drug use #tw: su*icide attempt #this uh. this did not go i the direction I planned #and it fucking hurts my heart omg #long fic #long post for ts

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ao3feed-castiel · 3 years

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The Vessels

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3zLwpQi

by magebirdi

When Dean Winchester is on his deathbed after being torn apart by hellThounds, a demon clearly masquerading as an angel appears and makes him an offer: become its new meat suit, and it will heal his injuries. But things don't go exactly as planned. Despite the assurances that they will share control, Dean wakes up six months later and discovers that the world thinks he's dead.

And the world has changed greatly in time that he has been gone. Sam Winchester has fallen farther and farther out of touch with the hunters he and Dean once regularly chatted with. Angels have stepped into the playing field. And there are rumors that the Devil himself has managed to break free from his cage and walk the earth once more.

As Dean finds himself unable to trust his brother more and more, the only alternative he has is to trust the demon/possible angel sharing his meat suit. Its name?

Castiel.

Words: 2815, Chapters: 2/?, Language: English

Fandoms: Supernatural

Rating: Teen And Up Audiences

Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence

Characters: Dean Winchester, Castiel, Sam Winchester, Lucifer (Supernatural), Michael (Supernatural), Gabriel (Supernatural), Bobby Singer, Ruby (Supernatural), Lilith (Supernatural), Jimmy Novak (Supernatural)

Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Castiel/Dean Winchester

Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Sharing a Body, the mechanics of dying after making demon deals is slightly altered, also known as the fic where cas and dean argue over controlling dean's body, and #WhiteSuitSammy returns, if you like fics where the protags feel like everything is going wrong this fic is for you, (don't worry i swear it gets better)

read it on the AO3 at https://ift.tt/3zLwpQi

#IFTTT #cas #castiel #spn #supernatural #ao3feed

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sylvanfreckles · 4 years

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Let’s Hang Out Sometime (Whumptober 2020)

Day one! Let’s do this! (I actually did Whumptober last year, but only posted to AO3, so this is my first year doing the Tumblr part)

Day One: Let’s Hang Out Sometime (Shackled)

In which Dean and Claire are in an uncomfortable situation when they're captured by werewolves and left hanging--literally.

Dean was aware of a handful of things as he slowly pulled himself back to consciousness. First was the pain, always the pain. In the back of his head, like he'd been hit with something heavy, and across his ribs and stomach, like someone had kicked him after he'd gone down. And his wrists and shoulders, on top of that. His hands had been wrenched above his head, and he was slowly starting to realize that the horrible, biting pain around his wrists was a set of manacles.

Great. Knocked out, kicked around, chained up...sounded like a typical Friday night.

“Dean?”

The sound of Claire's voice bought him to full awareness with a snap that was almost painful. He slammed his eyes open, then closed them immediately with a groan as the world spun around him.

“Great, don't pass out again,” Claire complained. Yeah, she wasn't fooling anyone. She was worried.

“I'm fine,” Dean grunted. “Where are we?”

“Some kind of barn, I think,” she said. He heard a shuffle, like she tried to move, but for some reason that pulled on his wrists as she did and he let out a hiss of pain.

He forced his eyes open to look at the barn around them, and it wasn't exactly an encouraging sight. The only light came in through broken windows high on the barn's walls, too high for either of them to reach even if Claire stood on his shoulders. There were rough-looking boxes and some busted-up machinery scattered around, including a giant rusted thing that could have been some kind of harvester parked right in between them.

He could barely see Claire on the other side of the machine, but when he leaned to one side he caught a glimpse of her behind the massive engine casing. She looked about as rough as he felt—blood smeared in her loose blonde hair and down her chin, clothing torn and dirty, hands pulled above her head by a manacle connected to a chain that ran up toward the ceiling. He squinted up, finally seeing the chain that ran from Claire's wrists over a beam near the roof of the barn back down to his own. Dean immediately straightened up much as possible to give her all the slack he could.

God, the manacles already felt like they were cutting down to bone. “How long have we been here?”

Claire tried to shrug, thought better of it, and shook her head. She winced after that, then, her face going just a little paler. So. Head injury for her as well. “I've been awake for maybe ten minutes?”

Dean grunted. The last thing he remembered was going with Claire to one of the Kosher butcher shops. They'd been investigating a full-on werewolf situation—mutilated bodies with no hearts, activity increasing with the phases of the moon, the full nine yards. It was tricky, though, as these werewolves seemed to be targeting anyone who had trouble with the law for their prey. While Dean himself wasn't opposed to a little frontier justice now and then, the victims were all over the place. They ranged from a guy with multiple counts of spousal abuse on his record, to a high school kid who took her classmates' cars on joyrides without permission, to a guy suspected of credit card fraud, and so on.

“You okay?” he asked after a moment or two.

“My arms hurt,” Claire offered with a wry smile.

“Yeah, maybe we can do something about that,” Dean replied. He stared up at the chain for a second, making a few calculations. “Think you could climb up on this tractor thing?”

“How?” she demanded. “I looked at it but there's nowhere to climb up, not without hands. All the sharp parts are here,” Claire said, kicking something that gave out a metallic clang, “and the tire's higher than my head.”

“Can you grab onto the chain?”

“What?” He heard her heave out a theatrical sigh of frustration, then Claire made the chain connecting them rattle. “I can kinda get my hand around it, but what are we gonna do? Break the chain? Bring the whole roof down? I know physics aren't your thing, Dean, but I'm pretty sure we'd just pull my arms out of their sockets.”

“Maybe that was the plan,” Dean shot back teasingly. “Claire Novak, the Armless Wonder. You could do the talk-show circuit.”

She snorted at that, and he could just feel her rolling her eyes. “So what's your 'plan'?” she asked.

“Well, I could probably,” Dean grunted as he twisted in place, trying to get his own hands around the chain above his head, but all the slack was on Claire's side. “I could maybe...I could pull you up, and you could walk up the tire and sit down on top of this thing? Get some of the pressure off our hands?” He'd noticed the chain was actually threaded around a junction of crossbeams, there was no way to just move around the big machine between them. One of them would have to go over, and the chain had almost no slack to it.

Claire was quiet for a second. Dean wished he could see her more clearly, to see if this was I-wonder-if-this-could-work silence or this-guy-is-insane-again silence. “You want to haul me up to the roof of this tractor thing...by my wrists?”

“Hey, it's by my wrists, too,” he protested. “Don't you have a lockpick stashed in your heel or something?”

“Oh!” Claire's voice brightened considerably at that thought. “Maybe. I don't know if it's still there, I haven't checked lately.”

Dean rolled his eyes. “You. Haven't. Checked. Lately?”

“Sorry?” she sounded embarrassed, at least. “Look, lecture me on safety later, okay? Let's try your dumbass tire-walking thing.”

“This isn't over,” Dean retorted. He craned his neck up to check on the position of the chain, then twisted to look behind him to see how much space he had. “Ready?”

There was the faint thump of a boot striking a tire. “Ready!”

This was going to hurt. Dean took a step back, bracing his legs and fighting to pull his hands down to his chest. Claire couldn't weigh much more than a hundred pounds, maybe one-twenty, but that weight was suddenly pulling on the sensitive flesh of his wrists where the manacles dug in. He squeezed his eyes shut, refusing to look at the mangled mess he was no doubt making of his hands.

“I think it's working!” Claire called. “Little more, Dean, come on!”

Right. He hauled back again. Claire's weight pulled against his wrists, but he set his teeth and took another step. The chain twisted as Claire slowly climbed the harvester's massive tire. Then she hissed out a curse and the chain pulled him forward, manacles cutting in even deeper. Dean couldn't quite bite back the cry of pain as the chain swung, all of Claire's weight suddenly hanging off his bloodied arms.

“Sorry!” Claire shouted. He heard her kicking and swearing, and finally the chain was steady again and her weight eased up a little. “God, Dean, I'm so sorry, my foot slipped, I-”

“Keep going,” he growled out. She had to be close now.

He heard her huff out a loud breath, then the aching pull against his wrists started up again. Another step back, knees bent to keep his body coiled, core muscles straining to keep his arms pulled in. Then another, and Claire shouted again but this time her voice was triumphant. Dean pried one eye open to see the kid's boot flail over the top of the harvester's massive tire. With a sigh of relief he took another step back, one more mighty heave on the chain that connected them, and finally saw Claire scrambled up on the tire itself.

Dean let his hands drop and stumbled forward. His arms were numb from finger tip to elbow, and he still didn't want to look down at them. He looked up at Claire instead, at the dirt coating her face and the worry twisting her expression. “You okay?” he asked.

“Me?” Claire sounded scandalized. “You look like you went twelve rounds with box full of broken glass. Dean...your arms.”

“They'll be fine,” he shook his head. He had been planning to climb up the harvester's other tire and sit with Claire, get as much slack out of the chain as possible, but that wasn't possible now. Just leaning on the big machine seemed like enough, something to take his weight until his head stopped spinning. He could relax his arms now, at least, and finally looked down to assess the damage.

Dean immediately wished he hadn't. The manacles had cut so deeply into his wrists he was pretty sure they were embedded in his flesh. Blood had seeped down his arm to mix with the dirt there in grimy rivulets, and he could only imagine the kind of bacteria and crap he was getting in his bloodstream now. At least Cas could take care of that...once the angel found them.

“Do you think they noticed we're gone yet?” Claire asked once Dean had lowered his arms and leaned his head back.

“Sam has,” Dean replied. “We were supposed to check in after we talked to that butcher. Cas knows too, I bet.”

The kid was quiet for a second. “I...I prayed to him,” she finally said. She sounded almost ashamed, and Dean wondered (not for the first time) just what the relationship between his friend and Jimmy Novak's daughter was these days. If the two of them were getting along now, great, Claire could use a guardian angel...and Cas could use all the family he could get.

“You did?” Dean said. He didn't want to pry, not in this situation. Plenty of time to harass Claire, and Cas, about this later. Hell, they probably just texted each other memes or something anyway. Pictures of baby guinea pigs and misspelled graffiti. That sort of thing.

“Right before you woke up,” Claire answered. “You woke up as soon as I...anyway, it was like a sign or something. Like someone's really listening.”

“Well, it might take some time,” he said after a few seconds had passed. “Unless you know our exact GPS coordinates, Sammy'll have to track us without our phones.”

Claire snorted at that. “How many disgusting, rusty-ass barns can there be, right?”

“That's the spirit!” Dean leaned back against the tire to smile up at the kid, his smile growing when she rolled her eyes and ducked away to hide her own smile. “Hey, Claire?”

“Yeah?” Claire's head popped back into view. She was sitting at the top of the tire on his side, while he had moved around to lean against the wide tread and prop one foot up on a rusty bar poking out from the machine.

“Next time you ask me to hang out, don't be so literal.”

“Oh my god!”

“I mean, I figured you meant Disney movies and pumpkin spice lattes, but this?”

“Hey!” Her foot made contact with the back of his head. Not enough to hurt, just a not-quite-gentle nudge. “Pumpkin spice is awesome, and if you diss it one more time I'm telling Jody.”

“Oh, no, don't do that,” Dean gave an exaggerated shudder. “Hunter's honor. No more disrespecting pumpkin spice.”

“Good.”

“Unless Sammy drinks it.”

That got him an honest-to-god snort from the kid. “God, Dean, you're the worst,” she complained, though it was obvious she was just trying not to laugh.

He just chuckled and leaned his head back against the tire, watching the last rays of the setting sun as they faded through the barn's top window.

“It's getting dark,” Claire commented.

“They'll find us,” Dean replied. His arms, though...the numbness had pulled away and left behind red, twisting pain. Jeez. Remind him not to haul around a twenty-something kid by the skin of his wrists again.

Claire was quiet for another few minutes, but he could hear her moving around above them. “Damn,” she swore.

“What's up?”

“Don't have my lockpick. I'm an idiot.”

“It's all right,” Dean tried to reassure her. “Couldn't have picked them now anyway,” he added. His hands were a throbbing mass of pain, no way was he doing anything as delicate a picking a lock any time soon. He shifted his weight against the tire, trying to get the treads in at least a halfway decent position against his shoulders.

Things gradually grew quiet around them as time dragged on. He wasn't sure, but Claire might have fallen asleep. He almost hoped she had—he couldn't, the risk of falling over and hurting her in the process was too great. She could probably use the rest, though; the werewolves hadn't been gentle. He felt a little guilty about making her do the whole tire-climbing thing, but it had gotten Claire up to a safer perch and bought them both some slack in the chain that connected them.

Dean lost track of time, playing through his cassette collection in his head as he stared out at the filthy wall of the barn. Then it was the vinyl he'd found in the Men of Letters bunker. He'd just started on the first season of Dr. Sexy when the broken windows lit up with a flare of light from approaching headlights.

“Hey, kid,” Dean called over his shoulder. Claire grunted, yanking on the chain in frustration.

“We're still here?” she asked muzzily.

“It ain't the Four Seasons,” he replied. “Someone's coming.”

He heard her suck in a breath. “Is it them?”

Dean opened his mouth to ask which 'them' she was talking about, when one of the old, weathered doors creaked open. A flashlight beam darted inside, though Dean and Claire were too far back to be caught in the beam.

Flashlights were good. Flashlights meant humans, not werewolves.

“Dean?”

Relief flooded Dean's body and despite the pain and the bruises and the torn-up wrists he broke into a smile. “Down here, Sammy.”

The door was shoved open even further and a second light joined Sam's flashlight. This was a high-powered spotlight, and it played over the barn floor until it found the two of them at the harvester in the middle. Dean flinched back, arm up to block the light from his eyes, “Jeez. Warn a guy, huh?”

There were two sets of footsteps running toward them now. Dean tried to squint past the light, but the two figures were in too much shadow. “Cas?” he guessed.

“I'm here,” the angel's voice was tight with worry. “Claire?”

“Get him first,” Claire called out from the top of the harvester. “The chain...he's in pretty bad shape.”

Dean wanted to protest, but the beam of the spotlight centered on his hands and he heard Sam suck in a breath. The light played up the chain to the ceiling then back down, probably to Claire perched on the tire.

“Sam,” Cas said as the spotlight danced around crazily for a second. Dean could only guess the angel had been carrying the more powerful light and had shoved it unceremoniously into his brother's hands.

Cas was in front of the light now, and if Dean squinted he could make out his friend's worried face. The angel gently took hold of his forearms and moved his hands into the light, studying the rusty shackles and the wounds in Dean's wrists. “This may take a moment,” he warned. Cas rested his hands on the shackles, brow furrowed in concentration. The metal seemed to grow warm for a moment before shattering under Cas's hands and falling to the ground in a shower of fragments and rust.

That only made it hurt even worse, but before Dean could fully react Cas's hands were hovering over the wounds in his wrists. There was another surge of warmth, this one more familiar and definitely welcome, and the pain faded away into nothing as his flesh knit itself back together.

Dean held his hands up in the light, twisting them around to see the newly-healed skin. “Thanks, Cas,” he said with a sigh of relief. God, just the absence of pain was heavenly.

“Claire?” Sam had set the spotlight on the ground, and was standing by the tire with his arms held up. “I've got you, come on.”

She was rolling her eyes again, Dean just knew it, but she let Sam catch her as she slid off anyway. Now that he could get an actual look at her, Dean was a little shocked at how pale and fragile she looked. The blood on her face stood out in sharp relief to the pallor of her skin, and her wrists seemed to have fared almost as badly as his own had.

Cas was beside her before Dean could say anything. There was the same shatter as the manacles broke apart under Cas's power, the same soft glow of his grace as he healed her wounds. And if he took a little longer with Claire...if he poured more of his healing mojo into her until every last bump or scrape was mended...well, that was okay. Let the guy hover a little.

“Ready to blow this joint, kiddo?” Dean asked when Cas finally seemed to be satisfied with the amount of healing Claire had received.

“Oh, no, I thought we could spend the night,” Claire retorted. She flipped her hair over one shoulder and began sauntering toward the door.

Cas sent her a perplexed look, then looked back over at Dean.

“Sarcasm, Cas,” Dean explained. He slapped Sammy on the shoulder with a grin and followed Claire toward the exit, his long legs easily letting him catch up with her. “Hey, we should hang out again sometime.”

A smack in the arm was the only reply he got.

And okay. Maybe he deserved it.

#whumptober2020 #no 1 #Let's Hang Out Sometime #Shackled #Supernatural #Fic

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samclownchester · 4 years

Text

Supernatural Rewatch 04x02

Are You There, God? It’s me, Dean Winchester

(Next Episode | Masterlist | Previous Episode )

So, I think it’s fair to assume that Dean has never believed in God, and certainly from Season 1 until now we’ve seen his skepticism, but I have a theory that his capacity for faith has been very negatively impacted since we met him, making the idea of believing in God even harder for him now than it was a few years ago;

Firstly, the only person Dean ever had faith in was his father. He believed that his dad was always right and that he was unbeatable – losing his father made him realize that, not only was John a temporary being, but he was also fallible, and not worthy of the praise and faith Dean put in him. Having lost the only faith he ever had, in a person that he knew and could know was real, makes believing in God much harder for Dean.

Secondly, he went to Hell ... I have a feeling it’d be hard to believe in a benevolent God after going through what he did.

On top of that we have what has always been Dean’s argument against God, which we first heard in Houses of the Holy (2x13), but is reiterated a couple of times in this episode. First to Sam:

DEAN If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason -- just random, horrible, evil -- I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?

Then with Cas:

DEAN By the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God? CASTIEL There's a God. DEAN I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?

Chuck tries to answer this question when Dean finally gets a chance to ask him in season 11, but we’ll get to that later…

Anyway, the main point of all this is the relationship between how John and Chuck are portrayed and how Dean’s relationship to faith shifts.

Most of the criticism against Sam this season don’t make much sense to me, but what Meg says to him in this episode does hit a nerve

MEG You know what really pisses me off, Sam? You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something….But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby... How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!

Sam knows what it’s like to be possessed by a demon, Sam knows that demons don’t usually take very good care of their vessels. What happened to Ruby’s old vessel anyway? Did she die after Lillith left her at the end of season 3? And yes, he is exorcising and saving a lot more vessels by working with her, which is probably how he justifies it, but it’s still a difficult topic. However, the subject of vessels is always icky, I mean, just look at Jimmy Novak. Just because a character requires a vessel to be on earth doesn’t make that character or their presence inherently evil.

I also wanna really quick look at the brothers’ reactions to guilt in this episode

Henriksen shows up and blames Sam for his death, and then Sam and Dean have this conversation

DEAN Why? What did he want? SAM Revenge, 'cause we got him killed. DEAN Sam. SAM Well, we did, Dean. DEAN All right. Stop right there.

Sam is immediately prepared to accept their guilt in that situation, but Dean is resistant to it. (Remember how Ruby directed all of her angry, degrading comments at him in that episode, and blamed him for getting all those people killed? Yeah, he doesn’t need to be convinced that it’s his fault, he already blames himself). Now, we know Dean is generally resistant to the “angst and droopy music and staring out rainy windows," (2x11) type of things that Sam is prone to do on occasion, and in this episode he is no different. It’s not until Meg attacks him and tells him about her little sister who committed suicide after Meg’s death that he finally admits fault:

MEG Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself! (kicks Dean in the stomach) Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family, your revenge, and your demons! 50 words of Latin a little sooner, and I'd still be alive. My baby sister would still be alive. That blood is on your hands, Dean! DEAN You're right.

After that, when he’s confronted by Henricksen he doesn’t even try to argue that they did their best, he just accepts that it’s his fault.

What I gather from this is that Dean doesn’t like admitting that he’s wrong, while Sam is far too willing to accept blame for things that may or may not actually be his fault. But, just because Dean doesn’t admit it at first doesn’t mean he’s not already carrying that guilt.

On a side note, given the Michael!Dean plot line in S14 this line from Meg directed toward Dean hit different:

“Do you have any idea what it’s like to be ridden for months by pure evil while you’re family has no idea what happened to you?”

....

#Sorry this is a mess #No organization we analyze like idiots #anyway I feel like there's more I could say about guilt and stuff and also the apocalypse #I LOVE Cas in this episode #he takes no crap #but also he is so brainwashed he doesn't even know what he's talking about ....#</3 #he's got a long way to go #But this is long enough #Supernatural #Rewatch #Supernatural Rewatch #Sam Winchester #Dean Winchester #I have too many thoughts #I didn't even get into the possible parallels of Meg and her little sister and Dean and Sam #oh well

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maggiemaybe160 · 5 years

Text

No Way To Heal

Also on my Ao3

Warning: Major Character Death

Dean stares into the mirror with his shirt sleeve lifted. A single handprint still scars him. It looks different than when he first received the mark. Back then, it had been puffed and angry with red skin raised in burned irritation. Now, the scar is flat and shiny. It’s pale white, standing out against the tan of his skin. The pain is a long faded memory, as is Hell where he earned this mark.

Castiel had offered to remove the handprint, his remorse apparent. Dean had refused outright.

“No. This makes me look badass.”

If Dean was telling the truth, he didn’t want it removed because it was part of Cas. It was part of their story. His angel had ripped him out of Hell, his hands burning into his shoulders as he gripped him tight.

* * *

Dean runs his fingers gently over the scarred skin of his shoulder. He remembers the first time it had hurt after it had started to heal.

* * *

The first time his shoulder had hurt, a strange and strong stab, had been the night that Cas had been torn from Jimmy Novak’s vessel and dragged back to Heaven to be tortured. He had woken from his dream, his shoulder aching. As he drove, the entire handprint began to burn, the pain sinking into his bones with a dull ache. He had known when he looked into Jimmy’s eyes that Cas was gone. The pain receded again only when Cas returned, his face a mask as he walked away from them in the warehouse.

Dean kept it to himself. He listened to Castiel call whatever it was between them a “profound bond” and he silently loved it, thinking of how he was marked by his angel. The handprint that seemed to keep them physically linked continued to hurt him, but only when Cas was in danger or hurt. If only it worked like a compass so he could come to the rescue instead of drown, lonely, in his own worry.

The time Castiel spent with the reaper, April, were some of the worst days Dean thought he would ever experience. The pain gradually increased the longer the time went on. He couldn’t call Cas. He had to keep Sam and Zeke safe. His heart screamed at him that he needed to keep Cas safe, too. So he tried. He tried to get to Cas and save him. The intense pain in his shoulder felt like it was breaking all of the bones in his arm as he opened the door and found Cas. The second the blade plunged into Cas, all pain in Dean’s arm moved to his heart.

* * *

Dean presses his lips together and clenches his jaw as he stares into the memories. He wishes he had gotten rid of the damn thing. He wishes he had gotten rid of it before… He had loved it for so long. He had loved feeling that tether to Castiel. When it was a tether. Now it was…

Dean fits his own hand over the scar.

* * *

The last time it had hurt was the worst. Cas was on a supply run, literally out scouring all over the world for the strange ingredients that the spell needed while Dean prepared the dungeon in the bunker and Sam worked on his pronunciations for the spell, researching and memorizing.

Dean had been carrying the bowl, laden with other spell ingredients, when it happened. The most intense pain he had felt since when Lucifer had stabbed Cas. The bowl crashed to the ground as Dean’s entire arm seized. Dean clenched his teeth, his eyes shutting tight against the agony as he dropped to his knees and tried to breathe.

“Dean?” Sam had yelled.

Dean hadn’t realized he’d screamed. He hadn’t actually realized he’d fallen to his knees until Sam ran in and he opened his eyes. He tried to speak, but only a strangled, groan escaped as he clutched at his shoulder. The pain was escalating.

“Dean, what’s wrong?” Sam’s eyebrows were turned up in the middle, his eyes filled with worry. It was misplaced.

“Cas,” Dean managed, fumbling for his phone.

He dared to glance at his shoulder. He was surprised to find it still in one piece. It felt as though it should be ripped to shreds, the bones exposed and cracking, the muscles sawed in half, every nerve snapped. He took his hand away from his shoulder and came away with only a small amount of blood that might have been from his own nails digging into his skin. He couldn’t tell.

“Cas,” Dean breathed again, pressing the speed dial and shutting his eyes again as he threw his head back in agony, choking off screams that threatened to leave him.

“Dean, I’m sorry. I… I love you. I have to go.” Cas had swallowed hard enough that it was audible. “Goodbye, Dean.”

“Cas!” Dean screamed into the phone as it disconnected.

It was only five minutes. Five agonizing minutes of Sam trying to ask Dean what was going on while Dean writhed and repeatedly redialed Cas’ number. Five minutes. And then…

Nothing.

Dean was left with a hollow feeling in his stomach, no pain in his shoulder, and a shattered heart. He scrambled up, yanking the sleeve of his shirt up and finding the scar was still there with small half moon crescents where his fingers had clawed into him.

“Cas, no.” Dean ignored Sam as he ran a location search on Cas’ phone. Ireland. “Sam, we have to go get him.”

Willingly, in fact it was his idea, Dean got on an airplane and white knuckled it the entire time. He only got up to check the scar in the cramped bathroom every moment that he could. Sam tried asking Dean what was going on, what had happened in the bunker, what was wrong with Cas? Dean only shook his head and held onto his barf bag.

* * *

Dean sits on his bed with his head in his hands as he remembers finding Cas. Tears stream down his face and there’s no physical way to clench his jaw any harder.

* * *

When he had found Castiel, his heart had broken. When he had watched Cas die by Lucifer’s hand, he had thought that was the worst it was ever going to get. When he had burned Cas’ corpse, tied up in a white sheet with care, he had thought that was the worst he was ever going to feel. He had been wrong. He had never anticipated having to do it again.

Dean had always banked on the fact that Cas would be there until the end.

When Dean walked into the field that day, he knew. His stomach dropped and his heart stopped. The field looked much the same as when Dean had woken up in his coffin after his forty years in Hell. A massive circle of nothing with a single form at the center.

Dean had breathed, “No,” before taking those final steps toward Castiel. His wings, once shadows on the sigiled walls of a barn, were scorched into the Earth. Cas was dead. His blue eyes stared up into Dean’s face as Dean began to cry.

“NO!” Dean screamed, sobbing as he crumpled beside the body of his unrequited love. He let himself scream, his face pressed into the still chest, his hands clutching at the trench coat desperately.

* * *

Dean wipes the tears from his face and looks up as his door opens. Sam has a cup of coffee in his hands and the same apologetic and worried face that he’s been wearing for the past few months.

“Breakfast?” Sam offers gently. Dean only shakes his head and swallows his memories away, smoothing his sleeve down to cover the scar. “You have to eat sometime.”

“I eat,” Dean retorts.

“Infrequently. When was the last time you ate anything ?”

“Recently enough that I still feel sick. Just go,” Dean turns away.

“I know you miss him, but you can’t kill yourself over this. He wouldn’t want that.”

“I know.” Dean drags his hands through his hair and tightens every muscle in his body against the urge to cry again. “I…”

I love him.

It remains unsaid as Dean curls back up on his bed, his face pressed to the pillow, his hand over the lasting print of his angel, Castiel.

@blueeyesandpie @jemariel @telefunkies @righteouscomeuppancejogstheliver @castibella-shipper-of-the-lord @iamcharliebradburylevelperfect @royalrowena @ain-t-bovvered @adventurous-blob @deanwinchesterswitch @qenericqueer @destielhoneybee @k-lewis @thekingofselfloathing @skittles-rainbow-cat @awkward-penguin-in-a-trenchcoat @spn-thot @misha-moose-dean-burger-lover @destiel-honeypie @soloarcana @fandom-is-my-middle-name @lily-t2019 @anarchiana @samatedeansbroccoli

#supernatural fanfiction #spn fanfic #destiel fic #angst fic #maggiemaybe160 #dean winchester #castiel #cas #dean x cas #dean x castiel #major character death #ao3 #ao3 fic #grief and loss #castiel's handprint #profound bond

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cross-roads-blues · 5 years

Text

Deep Inside Your Mind / ch.1

[chapter 2] [chapter 3]

Notes: Just a little something I’ve been working. It is planned as a multi-chaptered, at least 10 chapter fic.

Warnings: Descriptions of Alcoholism and Unhealthy Coping Methods

Summary: While on a usual hunt, Dean Winchester is hit by something. While Dean recovers, he can't remember neither Castiel, who's been harboring feelings for Dean for over 5 years, nor Sam Winchester, his brother, who is heartbroken by such turn of events. Can Cas and Sam reverse the damage, while battling their inner demons?

Chapter: 1/?

Word Count: 1634/?

Chapter Title: I Fall, You Fall, We All Fall

“Seasons don’t fear the reaper…”

Blue Oyster Cult was playing softly in the hospital room, courtesy of Sam putting Dean’s playlist on the MP3 player.

“Nor do the wind, the sun or the rain…”

Sam was standing near the window of the hospital room, watching water drops trickle down the windows. It was supposed to be an easy hunt, dammit! Easy hunt! Just a witch in Dallas, nothing too hard. Sam glanced at lifeless Dean’s body, with all the tubes sticking out of him and steady beep of the machines around him. And yet, that easy hunt put Dean in the coma. Something went terribly wrong. And now Dean is in the coma. Sam closed his eyes, tightening his jaw, not letting any tears escape his eyes. Dean will wake up, right? He always does. Right?

“Alright Sammy, you take the first floor, I’ll look for this bitch upstairs,” announced Dean, right before they entered the mansion of the witch. Carla Reymouth earned quite a bit of fortune from her practices. Now it was time to take her out, before anymore people died and before she could do anymore harm. Sam was pretty sure they managed to wound her in the last confrontation, so the kill should be easy. Sam nodded and starting working on picking the lock. They wanted the element of surprise, so knocking down the door wouldn’t work. Five seconds later, they were in. Sam took out his gun and gestured at the staircase to Dean, who nodded. Dean quietly ascended the stairs, while Sam started checking the rooms on the first floor. And there she was. In one of the bedrooms, he saw her sleeping. He recognized her face from the previous confrontation and as a confirmation, the arm, which Dean managed to wound her in 5 hours earlier, was bandaged. He killed her in her sleep. And then Sam heard Dean scream.

“Sam.” Castiel’s gruff voice tore Sam out of the loop of thinking and rethinking about that hunt. He turned around and faced the angel in the doorway, who he saw for the first time since they left for the hunt. “You called.” Castiel then looked around and as soon as he saw Dean in a hospital bed, something changed in angel’s face. It was fear for Dean, yes, but also there was something feral, something that reflected the angel’s instant urge to destroy in the most savage way possible whatever harmed the hunter.

“Cas! Oh god, finally you’re here!” Sam rushed to the angel, but angel was quicker to move and reached Dean’s bed quicker than Sam could make it halfway to him.

“Dean!” called out angel, gazing at Dean’s face. “What the hell happened, Sam?” he said with furrowed brows.

“I- I’m not sure. We were taking out a witch, and I killed her, but then I heard Dean scream and I rushed upstairs and-” Sam swallowed, trying not to let his voice break traitorously “-he was just there, unconscious. He didn’t wake up since. Doctors say he has severe brain damage, but you can fix that, right, Cas?”

The angel didn’t answer, but instead put a hand on hunter’s forehead, brushing unruly hair aside. He closed his eyes and commanded his grace to flow. The angel felt his grace surging inside him, tingling his sensations, sparkling and and glowing, illuminating every cell of his vessel. Though, after everything he’s been through in this vessel, seeing that Jimmy Novak was long inactive, Castiel more and more started thinking of his vessel as of his body. The grace flowed, the angel being determined to fix the hunter and get him up and running, because he couldn’t stand seeing him like this and he couldn’t stand hearing the beeping of machines that kept his human alive. And he hit a wall. He focused even more, pushing his grace inside Dean’s head, not understanding what stopped him from healing Dean. Nothing.

“I can’t.” The angel exhaled loudly and opened his eyed. “I can’t fix him. There is some sort of a barrier, it doesn’t allow my grace through.” The feeling of inability to heal Dean hurt like hell, hurt in the ways Cas couldn’t even imagine before. The feeling of uselessness, the feeling of seeing his human in such state, the feeling of rage at whatever inflicted this damage, of rage at Sam for not keeping his human safe. Castiel knew he wasn’t supposed to be mad at Sam, he could see that Sam was also not in the best state, but yet he couldn’t put out his anger.

Sam stomped towards the angel. “Cas, what do you mean you can’t? You’re an angel!”

“I mean I can’t!” Castiel repeat in a raised voice. “The thing that hit him warded the damage somehow. No angel can heal this.”

Sam stopped in disbelief. “Cas, can something even do something like this? Warding the damage?”

Castiel shook his head. “Not that I’ve heard of.”

And then the silence in the room became almost deafening, with both the human and the angel feeling the weight of the world drop on their shoulders.

“So what do we do?” Sam’s words were left hanging in the air with no answer.

Next two weeks went by in the same monotone routine for Sam. Wake up, make calls, get down to the hospital, go back to motel, research till he started seeing double, get back to the hospital again, getting a sandwich and a coffee on the way, which he liked to think of as of enough food to support him for the day, sit with Dean, talking to him, get back to motel, exchange theories with Cas, go back to sleep for 2 to 3 hours and repeat it all over again. The research wasn’t just going slowly, it wasn’t going anywhere at all. Nada. Zilch. Zero. No mentions of anything like that whatsoever. Castiel was doing a fantastic job zapping all over the world and bringing Sam more books on the subject, but no luck was done. Sam didn’t dare to drive to Kansas to research in the library, it was a 9 hour drive with stops, and he couldn’t afford to leave Dean alone that long, so most of the related section of the Men Of Letters’ library was transferred to Sam’s motel room by Cas. Sam read and reread, looking for the slightest clue on how to help Dean. Cas didn’t have much luck either. It seemed that no one had ever heard of such a thing and with every day Sam felt more and more hopeless.

There was always hope for medicine. Normal medicine. The doctors told Sam that there existed a small chance of recovery, and Sam clutched on to that possibility as hard as he could. But he couldn’t live on that hope forever. And on the first day of third week he broke.

He crashed the motel room, breaking glass and wood, shattering beds and chairs and table, sending objects flying through the air, ripping the pillows apart and watching the feathers fly out of them. And then Sam got drunk. Drinking problems away was Dean’s method, but Sam couldn’t take it. He drunk til he couldn’t tell where was up or where was down, he drunk numbing his emotions with every sip, sobbing messily, because Dean, his brother, was in a coma and might not wake up and he couldn’t take it. He couldn’t take Dean going. Not like this. When Dean was torn apart by hellhounds, it was different. Sam had a target, Lilith and he could focus all his rage and anger on her, trying to take her out, but this time… He didn’t know what or who to aim his gun at and that was killing him.

It was in this state that Cas found him. A sobbing mess surrounded by broken furniture and empty bottles.

“Cas?” Sam glanced up to him. “I don’t want Dean to go. Not like this, Cas.”

“Shh, shh.” Cas raised the hunter up and set him on the half-destroyed bed. “Dean’s not gonna go, Sam. We’ll save him.” I’ll save him, added Cas in his mind, as he put Sam to sleep with a touch of his fingers. Sam needed rest, Cas experienced it on himself how fragile humans are and Castiel knew that all these two weeks that Dean was in coma, Sam probably didn’t sleep more than 3 hours a day. So a good night sleep should do Sam good.

It was then that Sam’s phone rang. Castiel hesitated for a while, considering waking up Sam, but the hunter was clearly in no state to talk. After a second or two, Castiel picked up the phone, noting that the caller ID was ‘Hospital’

“Yes, this is John Bohnam.”

“He woke up? Oh thank god. I’m on my way.”

“...What complications?”

[chapter 2] [chapter 3] [chapter 4]

#destiel #castiel x dean #dean x castiel #sam and dean #sam & dean #winchester bros #deancas #supernatural #spn #supernatural fic #supernatural fanfic #spn fic #spn fanfic #destiel fanfic #destiel fic #spn fanfiction

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just-another-busy-fangirl-writes · 5 years

Text

August 11, 2017

I am reposting old fic rec lists. Unfortunately some of the blogs/stories have been removed, but I am still going to list them for historical reference.

Feel free to tag me in ANY fics you post, and see previous weeks’ fic recs HERE

SMUT

Stay by @anotherwinchesterfangirl The Winchesters roll through your bar and Sam sticks around until closing.

Sexual Experimentation by @blue-reveries Dean wants to try something new so Cas proposes an experiment

Something Deeper by @bringmesomepie56 Dean gets himself out of where you tied him up.

Three in A Bed by @kittenofdoomage Dean and Sam are both Alphas. They don’t think they need an Omega when they have each other. What happens when their Omega is found?

Challenge Accepted by obsidianromance (on AO3) Jared is looking for some fun for the night and finds mutual interest over a dating app with Jensen. When the two meet up, lots of sex happens. And in the morning, after Jensen asserts that he’s not a morning person, Jared tries to change that and…well…sex happens again.

Need You by @purgatoan After getting auditioned for a band by Cas, Dean comes back to a first band rehearsal with all members present. Jimmy sweeps him off his feet, just like Cas did, and his heat comes earliert than planned, interfering with their plans.

FLUFF

It’s A Surprise by @jpadjackles Sam decides that instead of a boring Valentine’s day of exchanging beer and chocolate, he wants to take Y/N out on a real Valentine’s Day special getaway.

Caretakers by @katymacsupernatural The reader is about to be killed and needs help, but both Sam and Dean save her and are protective over her.

Try Not To… by @talesmaniac89 Dean challenges the reader to a try not to laugh challenge using pickup lines, but for her the challenge turns into a bit more of a try not to fall deeper in love with the lovable dork.

ANGST

Vacancy by @jpadjackles Dean sets out to kill Amara, and gets himself in a lot of trouble when killing her turns into kissing her.

Wax On, Wax Off by @thing-you-do-with-that-thing Family sucks and waxing hurts. Jared is an amazing, patient, wonderful husband. (flangst)

SERIES

One and One Make Three by @braezenkitty (on AO3) Dean’s crushing hardcore on his friend, Cas. He doesn’t know him all that well since they only met at the start of the semester a few weeks earlier, but seeing Cas in classes four days a week was bound to affect him. He’s smart, goofy and charismatic, but somehow also serious and socially clueless; he’s athletic with the body to prove it; and he’s fucking gorgeous with the bluest eyes Dean has ever seen. In other words, he’s a total catch and way too good for Dean. When he finds out that Cas is two people - twins…things get interesting.

Undercover Boyfriend by CassondraWinchester (on AO3) Two men, one lie, and a whole bunch of trouble. Castiel Novak’s in serious trouble. His sister’s destination wedding in Mexico filled with several days of activities, is in only two days. And everyone expects to meet his Alpha boyfriend — the one he invented. Now Cas has to produce a half-naked hottie or suffer the worst humiliation of his life. But Cas just doesn’t date those kinda guys! Or even know any for that matter. Undercover FBI agent Dean Winchester’s cover is blown and he needs to disappear fast. When he ducks into a bar he runs into Castiel, a comic book artist, one very hot, but geeky Omega. And as luck would have it he just happens to be looking for an Alpha. Could they be the solution to both their problems? Or will trouble find them on the sandy beaches of Mexico?

Yes, Sir by @jhoomwrites Cas meets Dean through an online service. Things are going great as the two accidentally fall into a relationship. Until Jimmy comes along and makes things infinitely more complicated.

One of These Nights by @ravengirl94 Dean finally returns from purgatory, but he brought a friend with him. You’re less than thrilled about a vampire joining the family, but Benny and his southern charm quickly begin to grow on you.

Send the Pain Below by @torn-and-frayed The reader is a regular on Supernatural with Jensen, but it takes some really bad circumstances for the two of them admit their feelings to each other. Can the reader live through everything life is throwing her way?

#laura's fic recommendations

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gracedfallen · 5 years

Text

HEADCANON: CASTIEL + SEXUALITY / GENDER IDENTITY.

Castiel is indifferent to sexuality and labels. He’s an angel, a celestial being, and therefore, the earthly compounds of human sexuality and gender constructs don’t apply to him in any way really. If you assume his sexuality, he won’t really say anything or correct you because it doesn’t matter. Pronouns don’t really matter to him either but his name is typically ‘masculine’ whereas the ‘feminine’ variant would have been ‘Cassiel’, and Cas most commonly resides in male vessels throughout his time on earth but has been in multiple female vessels over the years. Castiel generally uses he/him pronouns out of ease but really, it’s simultaneously, fluid, non-existent and he doesn’t care.

Castiel would also identify with being asexual as he doesn’t have any remote interest in sex for himself but assembled the sex drive of his vessel, which was Jimmy Novak. While in Jimmy’s vessel, Castiel did feel a bodily sexual attraction to people who Jimmy would have found attractive as a heterosexual man and thus, could get an erection. But Jimmy died when Castiel blew up in the apocalypse and God literally stitched him back together. Jimmy went to Heaven and his body was torn apart. God just rebuilt Castiel together, using Jimmy’s body as a mainframe from his design and Jimmy’s not his vessel anymore. He doesn’t experience things the same he did then.

Castiel would also identify with being panromantic but specifically, demiromantic. The idea of romance and relationship without the involvement of sex as their main feature are of interest to him. He likes the idea of dating someone with no expectation of sex, because he doesn’t want it. He could really be romantically attracted to anyone but more so, when he grows and develops a close bond with someone (which is what he figured when getting closer and closer to Dean.) a maybe a reason why he refers to it as a ‘more profound bond’ than say his relationship with Sam, his best friend. There’s a distinction in his mind.

#headcanon #DOES THIS EVEN MAKE SENSE??#cas is too complex for u humans and also??? yet i needed to make sense with what was in my mind idk

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deancaspinefest · 6 years

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Picture Perfect World

fic by pherryt | art by dogsled

To anyone looking in, Castiel Roche-Novak had the perfect life and the perfect marriage. He was mated to his wealthy best friend, he had a job he loved and together they had a beautiful daughter.

The same could have been said for Dean Winchester, married to his high school sweetheart, getting to travel for his job but finally thinking of settling down to start the family he'd always wanted to have.

Their entire lives are turned upside down in the worst ways and neither think their paths will ever cross again, until Cas's publicist contracts the photographer to work with Cas on a project. Fate must be laughing now...

Keep reading for a sneak preview!

“I wonder what your name is, little one,” Cas said softly.

“Apparently, it’s Lia,” Balthazar said, sitting down heavily beside Cas on the couch. “And she’s mine. I guess. At least, that’s what this says.” He waved the now open letter in the air and caught Cas’s attention. Castiel looked up to see Balthazar looking fairly wild-eyed and panicked.

“Do you believe it?” Cas asked.

“Does it matter if I do or not? I can’t be a father! Cas! I don’t even like kids! I wouldn’t know what to do with one if it…if it…”

“If it showed up on your doorstep?”

“Yes!” Balthazar dropped dramatically against the couch and closed his eyes. “My life is ruined, Cassie! Ruined!”

“I wouldn’t say that. She’s absolutely adorable. And for what it’s worth, I think she has your eyes,” Cas couldn’t take his own eyes off of Lia. He felt tears pool in them, his chest tightening. He clamped his mouth shut, knowing that any further words from him would break him, expose him. Expose how hurt he was, how jealous.

God, it had torn him up inside when he’d found out that he was sterile and would never have children. He didn’t have a lot in the way of dreams. Didn’t need a lot. He already had a wonderful family and a comfortable life. All he’d ever wanted to add to it was a mate, children, and his writing career. And he’d lost two out of three at the same time, so it was no wonder he now struggled with the third. His last boyfriend had left him when they’d discovered that Cas would never be able to get pregnant. And here Balthazar had a child he didn’t even want. How was that fair?

“Oh, love…” Balthazar gently touched Cas’s shoulder. “God, I’m so sorry. Here I am whining that I don’t want kids and…fuck, Cas, I’m sorry. I’m an insensitive prick.”

“No, Balthazar, it’s not your fault – “

“Well, I should think it is. There’s been at least one time I wasn’t nearly as careful as I thought I was, else there wouldn’t be a baby in my house, making you upset right now. So I do rather believe it is my fault,” Balthazar insisted.

Cas shook his head and sniffled. Torn between the urge to cry or to laugh. For all his odd, dramatic ways and his penchant for spending money like water, Balthazar was a good man. A sarcastic bastard at times, yes, but Cas rather liked his wit. And he was loyal and thoughtful. He’d threatened to go after Cas’s ex for breaking his heart. But his heartbreak had been rooted more with the issue of his sterility than with his breakup, resulting in a depression he was only now managing to crawl out of, thanks to the help of his brother, Jimmy, and his best friend, Balthazar.

Now, the arrival of this little one was threatening to topple him straight back in -- a vivid reminder of what he could never have. Even with the option to adopt, too many Alphas wanted nothing to do with a broken Omega.

Lia cooed again and reached a hand up, waving it about and accidentally bopping Cas on the nose as he hunched in over her. He smiled. God, she was adorable.

“What are you going to do with her?” His voice croaked and hitched as he curled the baby closer to his chest. She nosed about looking for something he just didn’t have and his heart broke even more.

“After I’m done panicking… I think I’ve got the craziest idea…” Balthazar said slowly.

[Continue reading on April 5]

#Destiel Fic #Dean/Cas Fic #SPN Fic #DCPF Previews #DCPF 2018 #A/B/O Dynamics #Photographer!Dean #Writer!Castiel #pherryt #dogsled

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pantheonofdiscord · 6 years

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For Lack of a Better Word

Part 10/24: Monachopsis noun 1. the subtle but persistent feeling of being out of place

Castiel gets the door while Dean helps Sam hobble into the room. They’re all hoping it’s just a sprain, but Castiel could swear he heard a rather sickening crack as the werewolf tackled Sam to the ground.

“Alright, easy,” Dean says, lowering Sam onto one of the beds.

Castiel sets his duffle down on the table. “I’ll go down to the ice machine,” he says, but Dean waves him off.

“I got it. Foot up, Sam.” He leaves the room, barely sparing Castiel a glance.

“Yeah,” Sam says around a wince, struggling to bring his swelling ankle up onto the bed.

Castiel steps up to help, supporting Sam’s back as he readjusts. “I really am sorry, Sam.”

“Hey, it’s fine,” Sam says. “These things happen.”

“Still, that werewolf should never have gotten past me. I wasn’t where I was supposed to be.”

Sam shakes his head a little. “I’m okay Cas, really. It’s gonna take us a bit of time to find our rhythm, that’s all.”

Before Castiel can say any more, Dean returns with a bucket and sets it beside Sam on the bed. “Here, tough guy.” He moves around Castiel, standing helplessly in the centre of the room, and reaches down into his own duffle to retrieve a bottle of cheap whiskey. “And one shot of medicine, comin’ up.”

“Thanks,” Sam says, taking the bottle and swallowing a portion. “Lemme look at your arm.”

“S’not bad,” Dean says, but sits down opposite Sam and holds out his arm obligingly. “No stitches.”

Rolling his eyes, Sam dumps some whiskey on the cut, then starts wiping at the blood.

The way they do this is so practised, so routine.

Castiel shuffles his feat awkwardly. “Can I do anything?”

Dean looks up at him. He might be imagining it, but Castiel thinks his eyes soften a bit. “Nah, we got it. What about you, looked like Teen Wolf got you pretty good.”

It’s true; Castiel’s shirt is torn across his middle and rather soaked in blood. Sitting in the car on the way back had been agony. “It looks worse than it is, I’ll handle it.”

“Alright,” Dean says, a little reluctantly. “We head out first thing.”

Castiel nods, then grabs his duffle again and leaves for his own room. Once inside, he leans back against the inside of the door.

He’d never truly understood the meaning of ‘third wheel’ until now.

Returning to hunting has been a rough adjustment. For the first time since he’s known Sam and Dean, Castiel feels a step behind. His time in training the last few weeks means his fighting skills are still solid, and despite the loss of his memories he’s still smarter than the two of them combined. But on a hunt he’s consistently in the wrong place, asking the wrong questions, drawing the wrong conclusions.

Sam and Dean are a unit, they always have been, but when he was an angel Castiel never felt like an intruder. He was their third piece, a complement. As a human, he feels like a tag-along, a burden. The spare part they don’t know what to do with. And he has no idea why.

Sighing, Castiel moves away from the door and starts carefully peeling the jacket and shirt from his body. He throws them and his bag onto the single bed, then starts pulling out his own supply of disinfectant and bandages. Unlike Sam and Dean, he prefers antiseptic to the sharp sting of whiskey.

Once in front of the mirror, he wets a washcloth and starts gingerly rubbing away the worst of the blood. The claw marks aren’t terribly deep, but his stomach is a mess of scratches and frayed skin. He inhales sharply as he passes a peroxide-soaked square of cotton across the wound, and wonders idly if it will scar.

This sensation is one of many Castiel is still struggling to adjust to. Human pain is different than what he felt as an angel. It’s sharper, somehow, more… direct. And of course, it takes time to heal, far more than he’s used to.

He tapes down the bandage, then looks up to check it in the mirror. Dean probably would have done a better job of it, but it’ll do. He’s about to turn away, but then he stops and just looks for a moment.

There are bags beneath his eyes – as there usually are – and his cheeks and chin are rough with stubble. There’s a bandage on his stomach, there are bruises on his chest and arms, and if he looks hard enough he can see the slight flicker of his pulse in his neck.

His stomach, his chest. He says this word, he calls this body his own, but even after all this time, there’s a disconnect he can’t ignore.

It’s frustrating; all of this should be completely normal now, Castiel has looked this way for nearly a decade. In all these years, he’s never looked in the mirror and seen a stranger. And it’s been a long, long time since he’s thought of this body as Jimmy Novak’s. But still, he feels the pain from the werewolf’s claws, he sees the cuts to his skin, and he is somehow surprised that he’s injured.

In this – in his human body and his new, human life – he simply doesn’t fit. Sometimes he feels too big for it, and sometimes far too small. He’s shifted out of phase with the rest of the world, affecting his life every now and then by reaching across a dimension to tug on a string.

Sighing, he reaches down to the counter below the mirror and slips on a clean shirt. The cotton is loose, but it still catches on the gauze and tape.

This change of being, he isn’t built for it. Angels weren’t built for it.

In his darker moments, Castiel wonders whether he’s made a mistake.

But the bitter realization always comes; he makes for a disappointing human, but he was never a good angel either. He always sat apart from his brothers and sisters – always an outlier.

He was an outcast as an angel, and now he’s an outcast as a human too.

As he stares back into his reflection, Castiel thinks that maybe it’s just him. Maybe he isn’t meant to fit in anywhere.

Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 / Part 6 / Part 7 / Part 8 / Part 9 / Part 10

Updates Sun and Wed 24k+

Coming soon: Part 11/24 Liberosis noun 1. the desire to care less about things

#destiel #destiel fic #destiel fanfic #castiel #dean winchester #panfic #sorry it's so late guys!#i've been a wee bit distracted lately #floabw

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bcncvolcnts-blog · 5 years

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misha collins, he/him, pansexual. forget what you know about CASTIEL, the ( canon ) one from SUPERNATURAL! they’ve been an unknown y/o gas station clerk since arriving three months ago. you could call them the town BROKEN BIRD; they’ve got a rep for being WELL-INTENTIONED & COMPASSIONATE yet SOCIALLY AWKWARD & NAIVE, but are associated w/ [ trench coats, black feathers, falling stars, honeybees, silver blades, white clouds, glowing eyes ]. they remember chuck killing jack.

Here’s the first of my three babies, Castiel. In short, he’s the angel best friend of Sam and Dean. Although he does his best and has good intentions, he tends to screw up a lot, and pretty badly. He’s a good guy, though. I promise. More below! It got long, I apologise!

Ten seasons after his introduction, and obviously, there’s A LOT to say about Cas. I’ll give you guys a rundown as best I can, but here’s a link to his wiki page in case you’re interested in detail, and here’s a link to the angel lore. Also, I know the page says his nickname is Cass in canon, but in this case, canon is wrong, so we ignore it. xD

Family:

Castiel is Sam and Dean’s best friend and he is extremely close to both of them, though he tends to share a stronger bond with Dean. The three of them have been through a lot together and I’m sure any of the three would die for either of the other two.

Cas also became a father figure to Jack, who he has fought to save and protect despite all his wrongdoings. Personally, I think this is because he has made huge mistakes with terrible consequences in the past, and he sees himself in Jack. He loves Jack like his son.

Dad issues doesn’t really cover it. His dad is God, also known as Chuck, who is pretty damn terrible. The years before Castiel met the Winchesters, he was extremely loyal to Heaven with the belief that everything they were doing was under God’s command and for the right reasons. However, God had abandoned them a very long time ago, and was instead watching everything play out like a movie. When Chuck did eventually show up, he disappeared again soon after. Then when he finally reappeared again, he killed Jack and started what looks like another apocalypse.

Amara, otherwise known as ‘the Darkness’, is his aunt.

The other angels are like his siblings, and the archangels are like his older siblings. They’re a pretty chaotic bunch.

Personality:

He’s super awkward. Over the years he’s gotten less ‘alien’ than he was at first, but he still struggles with social cues and tends to take things much more literal than they’re meant.

When he was first introduced he was pretty cold and didn’t understand emotions, but over the years he’s become very compassionate and loving. He’s super protective of Sam, Dean, and Jack.

Can be a badass when he needs to be. Seriously. He might be kind and gentle when you meet him, but if you cross him or cause any harm, he can get dangerous.

Abilities:

He was previously able to teleport and time travel, but no longer can since his wings were destroyed when the angels fell from Heaven.

Smiting.

Healing.

Possession with permission.

Super strength.

Sedation.

Limited astral projection (displaying his wings’ shadows).

Invulnerability and immortality (aside from a few weaknesses).

And a lot more that have been used less often, including telekinesis, dream walking, animal communication, and invisibility.

Weaknesses:

Angel blades are able to kill him.

Holy fire is able to trap him.

Angel banishing sigils.

Grace removal.

Certain kinds of magic.

And a few others that were only mentioned once or twice, including the Lance of Michael, Enochian brass knuckles, Gorgon venom.

Other important points:

Battled through Hell to rescue Dean and put him back together as part of his orders.

Is in love with Dean.

Gained a lot of information on pop culture through a knowledge transfer from Metatron.

Has been possessed by Lucifer.

Is currently possessing a man named Jimmy Novak, who was killed due to his actions. So the face you see technically isn’t Cas’, it’s Jimmy’s. Almost all humans who see his true form are unable to handle it and their eyes burn out.

Feels a responsibility towards Jimmy’s daughter, Claire Novak.

Has died multiple times.

Is literally only still alive because he’s sad. He made a deal with an entity from the Empty (the place angels go when they die which means the entity will take him when he’s happy.

Probably a lot more that I’m missing out I’ll likely come back to add to this.

Requiem:

Technically, he doesn’t need a job, since he doesn’t need to eat, sleep, or buy new clothing etc. He’s pretty much only ever in one of two outfits, the trenchcoat and suit, or his uniform for the gas station he works at. However, when he was human in canon, he did genuinely like this job, so I figured I’d give him something to take up his time.

Living in an apartment, but I can’t see him actually being there much because, again, he doesn’t have human needs so wouldn’t need to stay there unless he wanted some privacy.

Likely got his memory back rather quickly, and has been assuming this is some kind of trick from Chuck, or another part of the entertainment for him. His main concern has been finding the Winchesters, as he’s been extremely concerned about their safety, worried Chuck might have left them to be torn apart by the zombies.

I think that’s everything! Phew! Sorry that got so long guys. There’s probably still loads that I’ve forgotten. If you actually read this far, thank you! xD

#' i'm an angel of the lord ( about ) .#requiem:intro

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winchesterprincessbride · 7 years

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Political Animals-Part 13-The Wedding

This is an A/B/O AU. You are the Omega artist daughter of Naomi Novak, a world-class heart surgeon who is running for Mayor of New York City. After a meeting where your mother’s advisers call you a “liability”, she tells you that if you don’t do as your told she will cut you off. You storm out and wind up in a bar a few blocks away.

The hottest Alpha you have EVER laid eyes on with a scent so mouthwatering you’re practically drooling offers to buy you a drink. It’s just a drink, right? What do you have to lose? Only everything.

Characters: Omega! Reader, Beta! Naomi Novak, Alpha! Castiel Novak, Omega! Meg Novak, Claire Novak, Jimmy Novak, Alpha! Sam Winchester, Alpha! Dean Winchester, Alpha! John Winchester, Omega! Jo Harvelle

Big thanks to @moansmisha for letting me use some of her ideas from this post.

Master List

Part 1 (all parts are linked)

Parts in bold are text messages

“Wait, what did you say?” I asked, swallowing hard.

“You heard me. The mayor’s scheduling secretary called. He has time on Saturday to marry us. Dad has to switch some stuff around, but he said he wouldn’t miss my wedding.”

“But my arm’s in a cast….” I began weakly.

Sam reached over and grabbed my hand, pulling me to him. “I don’t care about that. I would marry you if you were in a body cast, Y/N. I want you and the pups to have my name. Besides, with all this stuff going on with your father, I would feel better if you were my wife.”

“Can I invite Cas and Meg?” I asked hopefully.

Sam’s easy smile melted my heart a little. “You can even invite your mother if you want.”

“I’ll invite her because she’s my mother, not because I care whether she’s there or not,” I told him.

“I’m gonna invite Dean and Jo if that’s okay with you,” Sam asked.

“Of course! What if everyone can’t make it on short notice?” I asked worriedly.

“As long as we’re there, that’s all that matters.”

Meg and I went shopping for something for me to wear on Saturday. Finding a dress that I was comfortable in, that fit over my ever-expanding stomach AND my cast, and didn’t make me look like a parade float was no small feat.

“For the last time Meg, I’m NOT wearing white! Since I’m already having Sam’s pups that ship has sailed!”

“Fine! Excuse me for being a traditionalist! So what color do you want then?” She asked in an irritated tone.

“I’ll know it when I see it, I guess.” I shrugged.

It caught my eye from across the store. It was blue-green and reminded me of Sam’s eyes. It had open sleeves that fit my casted arm and an empire waist that fit my belly and allowed me to breathe.

“How does it look?” I asked Meg when I came out of the dressing room.

“Oh Y/N, you look beautiful!” Meg told me, a catch in her voice. “That’s the one.”

Neither Meg nor I noticed the man with the camera hiding behind a rack taking pictures of me trying on dresses.

I spent the night before the wedding at Cas and Meg’s. Everyone we had invited was able to attend, except for my mother. She had “prior commitments” for the campaign of course. Our relationship had fallen so far that it didn’t even phase me that my mother wouldn’t be there on my most important day.

Cas and I sat in his study in our pajamas, talking late into the night like we did when we were kids. “I can’t believe your getting married tomorrow, Y/N.”

“Why? Can’t believe someone actually wants to marry me?” I said with a grin.

“Shut up.”

“Dad wanted this for me. He told me to find an Alpha to love, have pups, be happy. I didn’t expect it all to happen so quickly. Sam is a good man, Cas. He loves me.”

“I like him, Y/N. He seems like a man of integrity. I trust he will protect you. I just wish everything wasn’t happening so fast. I can’t help but worry about you.” Cas looked torn.

I took Cas’ hand in mine. “He’s my Alpha, my other half. I tried to fight my attraction to him and it made me miserable. I love him. We belong together. But you’ll always be my big brother, Cas. Thank you for always being there for me no matter what.”

Cas’ eyes were shiny with unshed tears. He hugged me tightly. “Better get to bed, Little Sis. You have a big day tomorrow.”

Right on cue, I yawned widely. “I love you, Bro,” I whispered before heading off to bed and dreams of my Alpha.

When I got to my room there was a text from Sam.

Sam: I can’t wait to marry you, Y/N. I love you, Omega

Y/N: I love you more, Alpha. My bed is lonely without you.

Sam: We’ll make up for it tomorrow. Go to sleep, baby.

Y/N: Night, Sam

When we met in the mayor’s office, Winchesters, and Novaks (minus my mother), the election was far from everyone’s mind. I was so happy that Sam’s family was able to be there for him, and Meg and Cas for me.

Jo hugged me when she saw me. “I’m so happy for you guys.” She whispered in my ear.

“You’re gonna be next,” I whispered back.

“Here’s hoping,” She said with a grin.

“Welcome to the family, Beautiful.” Dean murmured as he kissed my cheek.

“You say that now, wait until I ask you to babysit,” I said with a smile.

John walked over to us. “Are you ready Y/N?” He asked.

“I sure am,” I replied confidently.

“I need to talk to the two of you when we are done here.” He whispered to me before walking me over to where Sam and the mayor were standing.

“Hello, Miss Novak. It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Mayor McGinty said, holding out his hand. “I’ve met your mother many times.”

“Please don’t hold that against me, Mr. Mayor,” I whispered wryly. He laughed before turning to speak to John.

I turned to face Sam. His scent enveloped me, and it felt like coming home. He took both of my hands in his much larger ones. “Are you ready to do this, Y/N?” He asked in a quiet whisper.

“I’ve never been more ready to do anything in my entire life,” I said with a dazzling smile.

The ceremony was short, but Meg still cried through the entire thing. Cas held her tightly while she sobbed into his shoulder. The mayor gave us each an opportunity to say something when he was finished speaking.

I went first. “Sam, when I am with you I feel like I have come home. I didn’t realize I was missing a part of myself until I met you. For the first time in my life I I am happy I’m an Omega.”

Sam took a deep breath as he stared into my eyes. “I knew from the first time I met you that you were mine, Y/N. I knew we belonged together. I want to spend the rest of my life making you happy.”

“By the power invested in me by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife.” The mayor stated.

When Sam kissed me in front of both our families, I felt complete for the first time in my life.

Afterward, hugs and congratulations and hugs were shared with our families and we thanked the mayor for taking time out of his busy schedule to marry us.

“It was no trouble at all. John’s buying me lunch after our next golf game.” He said with a smile. “I have to ask you, Miss Novak….I mean Mrs. Winchester…. how does your mother feel about all this? I notice she’s the only one not here.”

I gave him a sad smile. “Mr. Mayor, my mother and I didn’t see eye to eye long before Sam came along. He’s just the latest thing I’ve done to annoy her. It doesn’t take much.”

Since everyone wanted to hear what John had to say, after the ceremony the mayor was kind enough to give us all a room where we could talk in private. Sam and I, Cas and Meg, Dean and Jo, and John got settled at a large around a conference table. John spoke first. “So I asked some of my friends at the precinct to look into your father for me, Y/N.”

“Did they find out anything?” Sam asked sharply.

“He had been released from the clinic in Munich 6 weeks ago. The doctors felt he wasn’t a danger to himself or others as he took his meds. They didn’t feel there was any more they could do for him. His mother saw him once right when he got home. She said he was angry and demanded to know why he wasn’t told about his daughter. She said she hasn’t seen him since.”

“Do the police know where he is?” I asked John.

John sighed and I knew the answer. “No, but they are looking for him. The problem his he hasn’t really threatened you, so they are limited in what can be done.”

“But the pictures, the notes……” Cas began.

“The are disturbing, yes, but he hasn’t tried to hurt her. She got hit by the car because she chased him, not because of anything he did.” John replied.

“So what should we do?” Dean asked.

“The best thing you can do is keep your eyes open. Be aware of your surroundings. If you are with Y/N and something seems suspicious, call it in. I’m afraid that’s all we can do for now.”

Sam stood up and pushed back from the table, and we all jumped. “What if he stopped taking his medicine? What if Y/N’s in danger?” The last part he choked out, he was so angry.

Dean got up and put a hand on his brother’s shoulder. “We won’t let anything happen to your Omega, Sammy. We all love her too.”

“Dean’s right.” Meg chimed in.

Maybe it was the hormones, or maybe it was the love I felt from the people in the room, but I couldn’t help but cry.

Sam and I had opted not to go on a honeymoon now, given my still-limited mobility. I wanted to be able to enjoy my Alpha unencumbered, so we just decided to spend the weekend at a bed-and-breakfast and go on a honeymoon sometime after the twins were born.

The B and B was quaint and peaceful. It had been a long day, and by the time we had gotten settled in for the night I was tired. But not THAT tired.

“Come here, wife,” Sam whispered to me when we had gotten into bed.

“Is there something you want, Alpha?” I asked, running my lips up the side of his neck.

“You.” He demanded.

“I’m right here, Alpha.”

He pulled me to him and kissed me hard enough to make me whimper. His taste was intoxicating. I turned onto my side, and I shivered as Sam sucked a mark onto the sensitive skin there.

His large hands palmed my breasts, his fingers teasing my sensitive nipples. A shudder ran through me.

“These are getting bigger.” He whispered. “So is this.” Both of his hands caressed the small hard bump of my stomach. I could feel Sam’s erection pressing against my ass. I ground myself against it, desperate for the friction.

Sam, please!” I begged.

“What you need, Omega?” He growled.

“Need you,” I whined.

He slipped a finger into me, rubbing against my soaked folds as I gasped with pleasure. His thumb found my clit and he rubbed the sensitive bud as I writhed in pleasure. My body just opened up to him and he was able to insert two long fingers into me and within seconds I was spiraling towards an orgasm.

“Come for me, Y/N!” Sam demanded and my body obliged as I arched off the bed in a powerful orgasm.

As I lay there panting trying to catch my breath, Sam continued exploring my body. “I love how your body is changing, Y/N. You are so beautiful.”

He slid easily into me, and wrapping his arms around me, began to thrust, slowly at first, but gradually picking up speed.

“Want your knot, Sam. Want it so bad.” I begged.

Sam buried his face in my neck as he thrust hard and fast into me. I could feel another orgasm approach as my pussy clamped down on him. He gave a hoarse cry as he spilled into me and his knot popped, locking us together. I screamed his name as pleasure coursed through me. Sam held me tight as we drifted off to sleep, drunk on endorphins.

While we were eating breakfast the next morning, the nice lady who owned the B and B came up to our table with some beautiful flowers. “Mrs. Winchester? Sorry to bother you while your eating, but these were just delivered for you.”

Sam and I looked at each other. No one knew where we were going. We had made sure of that. As soon as she left I opened the card that was tucked into the flowers. I pulled out a picture of Meg and I dress shopping, taken the moment I came out to show Meg the dress I had ultimately picked. With trembling hands, I removed the hand-written card.

YOU LOOKED LOVELY. I SHOULD HAVE BEEN THERE.

I handed both items to Sam. I had completely lost my appetite. Sam and I just looked at each other in shock. How had he found us here? We went back to our room, threw our belongings into our suitcases, and left for home 30 minutes later.

Part 14

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hekate1308 · 7 years

Text

Renunciation

Things are slowly heating up. Enjoy!

“So I’ve been working“ Claire says instead of a greeting when he picks up.

Cas is immediately worried – he of all people should know some hunters tend to run into dangerous situations without thinking of consequences first – but he’s learned that she won’t respond well should he choose to express this, so he asks “On what?”

She chuckles.

“I can tell you’re freaking out. Don’t worry, I’m safe and well. Listen. Since you obviously don’t want me on the front line, since you didn’t even tell me someone’s trying to kill all of you, I thought I could do some... campaigning.”

“Campaigning?”

“Yeah. I talked to Jody. Turns out not those she and others contacted are standing behind you – “

“We are aware, but we think that with the support we have – “

“I get that, but it’s always better to have more friends, right?”

She pauses, probably for dramatic effect, as teenagers are wont to do.

“So I have been talking to their kids – well, of those who have them, anyway.”

“I don’t understand.”

“Look, Cas, it’s easy. Being neutral is fine and all, but you can’t ignore planned genocide forever, not even if you’re a hunter who only sees black and white. You might be able to contradict your peers, fine enough. But if a nice young girl befriends your nice young girl and your nice young girl learns the truth about the Winchesters she’s only ever heard crazy stories about before... you guys are legends, by the way. It’s insane.”

“We do our best” he deadpans, hoping it will get a chuckle out of her. It does.

“So eleven more hunter families at the east coast are keeping their eyes open.”

“Claire, that’s... thank you. I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just stay safe, alright? And invite me to the wedding.”

“Dean and I aren’t en- oh. That was a joke.”

“Getting better all the time. Talk to you soon, Cas!”

“Take care of yourself, Claire.”

He will be eternally grateful for the bond he’s developed with Jimmy Novak’s daughter. He sends a short prayer of thanks to his father before he goes to tell Dean and the others of the newest developments.

They’ve developed a routine of sorts. Dean jokingly refers to the room next to the library they’ve filled with the information their contacts give them as their “war room”. Usually at least one of them can be found there at this time of the day.

He enters to find Mick checking out their map of the west coast. He’s busy circling towns he considers as probably desirable for the Men of Letters to stay at. They’re too smart to risk being taken down in one swoop.

And yet that’s exactly what they are planning. The Men of Letters don’t know how far their network reaches, thanks to Crowley having used the loopholes the spell he was under allowed and them feeding him false information during that time.

That reminds him –

“Have you seen Crowley?”

He wasn’t at breakfast today for the first time since Rowena lifted the spell, and according to Dean, the talk they shared last night was “intense”. Maybe Crowley needs some time for himself.

Cas a feeling how this story will end.

He’s already lived through it.

“No. But I don’t think he’s in trouble. The Men of Letters know better than to try something that already failed.”

He nods, noting that Mick doesn’t bat an eyelid anymore when he mentions his former employers. He’s found a place for himself in their midst remarkably quickly.

Certainly faster than Cas ever decided he wished to stay with Dean.

“Cas? Are you alright?”

He blinks.

“Yes. I just... remembered something.”

Mick grimaces.

“I know how that feels like.”

His phone rings and his face lights up. With a polite excuse, he brushes past Cas.

And the former angel knows exactly how this feels like, he reflects with a smile.

Falling in love.

He’s aware that... problems may arise with the budding romance they’re witnessing. Mel is a water wraith, a creature meant to live for centuries, and she does not possess the luxury that Cas had. She can never become human.

But then, she wouldn’t if she could. Mel is her own spirit, she is one with her element. She knows what she wants... and for the time being, it’s Mick.

Cas hopes their friend won’t get hurt.

Dean comes into the room.

“Hey. Mick’s busy talking.”

He grins the easy, happy grin Cas has gotten used to ever since they set off on the road together, and as always, his heart skips a beat.

“Claire called. She has been “campaigning”.

Dean chuckles and kisses him.

“Should have known she wouldn’t stay put. So what did she say?”

When Cas is done bringing him up to speed, they hear the tell-tale heavy steps of the golem.

Dean smiles.

“Aaron got a little distracted by the Hebrew section of our library today. Apparently he already found three texts he believed were no longer available.”

“Crowley really stocked it well” he responds. “By the way, have you seen him?”

“No. Don’t expect to. Trust me, he just needs some time alone, is all.”

He relaxes. Dean knows Crowley well. If he says there’s nothing to worry about, there isn’t.

“Did you find what you were looking for?” he asks Aaron and Matan after they’ve come in.

Aaron grins speepishly.

“Sorry. But the text I found may give me some close how to unravel their necromancing spell once and for all...”

“Don’t be sorry, that’s great news.” Dean nudges him. “Cas here has some too. His kind of-daughter has been working for us.”

“Not my daughter, Dean.”

“Close enough.”

“She’s yours too, then” he teases him, his beloved blushing and looking away.

He’d make a wonderful father, Cas is sure. Dean is great with children.

And perhaps, who knows, once things have settled down...

He doesn’t allow himself to dwell on the thought.

After Sam has joined them and Mick has come back from his phone call, still smiling happily, everyone except Crowley knows about the newest development.

He saves them from trying to contact him by crashing into the war room a moment later.

“What the – Crowley!”

Dean hastens to help him up.

“You alright? Were the Men of Letters – “

“No” he admits, grimacing. He doesn’t appear to be injured, although his suit is dirty and torn.

“Demons.”

“Demons? Don’t they know better than to attack you?”

Crowley dis- and a moment later reappears with a glass in his hand.

“That’s better”. He takes a huge gulp.

“I went to Hell. I figured if I could get enough support, I might be able to break the wardings as I did before.”

“What happened?” Cas asks.

“Turns out, the reason I saw no one during my last short visit is that they are not exactly keen on my leadership.”

“We knew that before” Dean comments.

“Yeah, and you’ve always been able to reel them in, right?”

“Not this time. Turns out...” he trails off.

It’s Matan who guesses the answer.

“Your true face has changed.”

Crowley nods.

“Your – what does that mean?” Dean demands at the same time as Sam requires, “Was it the spell?”

Crowley shoots him a look that’s... almost offended.

And Cas understands.

All the time he had under the spell to think about what he wants and where he belongs, his talk with Dean, his admission that he hates Hell...

“No it wasn’t” he says simply.

Crowley nods.

“I’m afraid yours truly has become too good to lead Hell.”

“So what happens now? Is there someone else?”

He smirks.

“No, don’t worry. The Princes and Knights of Hell are either uninterested in taking over or dead. And there is no one around who could do what I have done. They wouldn’t even attack me. They’re scared of the changes the golem’s noticed.”

“But then why...” Dean gestures towards his suit.

“Using that to tell them what I thought of them once and for all might not have been the best idea” Crowley admits.

Dean groans.

“You didn’t.”

“Can you blame me? They’re all these whiny, egotistical, annoying sons of bitches who can’t understand why they haven’t taken over the earth despite being dumb as bricks!”

“Tell us how you really feel. You got away okay, right?”

“Yes. They tried, but most were still too scared to do anything, and I’ve still got my powers.”

“So you’re not the King of Hell anymore?” Aaron asks.

“I have resigned.”

“Pah”. Dean shakes his head, taking Cas’ hand. “A honorific can easily be bestowed. You’ll always be King to us, right guys?”

“Definitely very... kingly” Cas lightly agrees.

Now, dirty and hated by demonkind, more than ever. He almost wishes he were still an angel so he could see the changes in Crowley’s soul.

He squeezes Dean’s hand.

Almost.

“The royal family has got nothing like him” Mick says.

“A reformed demon is worth all of Hell” Matan announces.

Sam actually raises his hand for a fist bump, which Cas can see surprises Crowley.

Yes, they’ve changed a lot since the King of Hell first showed up and helped him and Dean deal with that dragon two years ago.

“Sadly this means I won’t be able to break through their security” Crowley explains, downing his glass.

“We’ll just have to find another way, then”. Dean turns and looks at Matan.

“I assume you can break Brits as easily as Nazis?”

“Of course. I can do anything my rabbi orders me to.”

“Requests. What he requests” Aaron is quick to correct him.

He was hesitant about the whole aspect of ownership from the first, Dean told Cas.

“So, what are we going to do now?” Sam asks. “According to Lizzie, they expect more reinforcements”.

“Quite frankly, I’m tired of these bastards running around our country. I think it’s time we throw them out.”

“Alright then, time to attack. I can get behind that” Crowley replies.

“Yes, there’s just...” Dean trails off.

Cas is still holding his hand. He can guess what his beloved will say next. He’s been thinking about it ever since Rowena left.

“I think we should try and talk to Mary again”.

“What?” Sam splutters. “Dean, she called you a monster! She’s not interested in – “

“I am not saying we should give her a get out of jail free card. Hell, I’m not even saying call her Mom and try to grovel hoping we can somehow get her back. All I’m saying is we try to reach out and explain to her what we’ve been doing one last time, without giving anything away, of course. And if she still insists that all monsters must be eradicated and that I am one of them... That me and Cas and Crowley are monsters, than that’s it. One more chance to listen. That’s all she gets.”

The brothers share a long look.

Eventually Sam nods.

“Alright. Just one more try. And if she doesn’t want to listen...”

“She’s going down with the rest of them” Dean finishes.

#destiel #my writings #season 12 au

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