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#which is one of my favourite bosses
dimitrscu · 3 months
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so convergence added a new boss in the latest patch and she's pretty neat ngl
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So i finally listened to The Magnus Protocol and uhh holy shit, yall mind if i
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#the magnus protocol#tmagp#tmagp spoilers#In the tags#My favourite case has to be the 2nd one Daria girl you are so fucked up!!!! You are so fucked up girl get help!!!!#And i am loving the absolute toxic work environment it is hilarious all the characters are great!!#Alice Gwen and Lena have three way situation of snide backhanded remarks and office coworker hate going on#Colin hates everyone but especially the puter and is this close to murder#Sam is just trying to do whatever the fuck he is doing. He is new here. He is over qualified#Teddy my man saw his place workplace comedy swerving towards horror genre and immediately ditched ship good for him!!!#(Unless Lena brutal pipe murdered him in which case girl i am so sorry)#And just character in general. Like Alice is trying to vibe her way through life#while also saying some death flaggy 'oh this is def foreshadowing' shit every episode#Gwen has the same surname as the shows previous antag#but also just after Lena's job and just wants to be taken seriously and thinks everyone is against her#she also may or not have discovered that her boss is murderer but oh well#Sam is like this sweet nice guy who is also so fucking nosy and the only one actually curious about fucked up shit cases magnus institue#And everyone is telling him to stop Girl! Turn away girl!! You are gonna get fucked up girl!! Look away!!#Colin is just so fucking angry and feral but also IT is just like that. He is crawling on the floors. He is growling at people#Lena is so fucking tired with all these bitches in her office Head Bitch incharge of all these Bitches#And i am 80% sure she murdered that guy Klaus#Anyway love all of this. Cant wait to hear them get killed in brutal tragic ways
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Bai Yu Studio
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skeletalheartattack · 5 months
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Who was your favourite mario character as a kid, and who is it now?
honestly? that's a pretty tough question for me to answer, because i played a lot of mario games growing up, and i don't know if younger me would've been able to choose a favourite. in terms of established characters, i think a safe option would likely be bowser; he was always my pick in Mario Kart 64, Melee, and Brawl. though in terms of the entire series as a whole, i liked the luigis mansion ghost designs a lot.
a favourite nowadays? i'm not quite sure. if i had to pick an established character, it'd probably be wario or waluigi. in terms of the entire series, i like the Mario Sunshine boos design a lot... but that's narrowing it down too small because i like a whole lot of designs from the franchise, so it's really hard to pinpoint.
#ask#anon#kinda funny that i pick the ghost characters as designs i like while my main oc is a skeleton#anyway yeah its really hard to wager when it comes to the entirety of mario's games#like in comparson. i didnt play like. a massive ammount of crash bandicoot in comparison to mario games#but i can tell you my favourite character from those games is Dingodile#and then something similar with sonic the hedgehog. i really like Vector (atleast specifically from sonic heroes)#or eggman even. both his old designs and his current design. hes a really fun character#i think an early avatar i had on steam was fanart of dingodile#my favourite version of him is probably his look from crash bash. but his design from crash 4 is also really fucking great.#but ive always liked seeing dingodile as just. more animalistic. similar to most other bosses in Crash#like how he only makes animal noises when getting hurt or having a dumb laugh when winning in crash bash#juxtaposed to his first showcase in Crash 3 where he can talk. which thats fine and cool and all.#but i just really like how Crash Bash makes him more as just like. a sentient bipedal animal that still just makes animal noises#another series i can pinpoint a favourite towards is with Banjo Kazooie and Clanker.... my boy Clanker...#with tooie i also kinda like mr patch. ignoring one part of his characters design#he's visually goofy and i like the whole patch-work stuff in his design#anyway i hope that answers your question well enough anon
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luvsavos · 1 year
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i have thoroughly traumatized ibushi in rise hard enough for him to consistently drop an orb or a mantle Every single time i fight him. poor lad just wants me to leave him alone but unfortunately i'm hunting him purely for sport/because i find his fight fun
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toskarin · 1 year
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百灵猫neko - 耸立山巅的长明灯 ~ the End of History
from 东方栖霞园 ~ Blue Devil in the Belvedere, a doujin game published by 东方祈华梦制作组
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deus-ex-mona · 1 year
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g o o d n i g h t .
#very incoherent rant about my week in the tags; sorry for incoherence i hit my head earlier so b s#im just. so d o n e with this week. 100000% done i say.#on monday i was late to work by 20 minutes and had to stay behind for half an hour to make up for it bc the app we use to clock in suuuucks#and i also found out that i lost $40 of my salary bc of said clocking in app which. suuuuuuuuuuucks#though. this week had a weirdly low number of samples. which was. kinda nice ig since i managed to finish all my work before 7pm… but still.#like we managed to finish our stuff so quickly that we managed to watch bee movie together on tuesday………#mmmmmm i don’t remember much about what happened on wednesday though…..#but yesterday. oh g o d . yesterday. thursday. whateverday. g o d.#so the software to operate one of the [lab equipment] machines kept crashing everytime we tried to print results#regardless of whether there were any samples being tested with said machine at the moment. which. y’know#sucks on its own. but it also means that the tested sample had to be reweighed and every sample that came after it had to be reentered again#which was a m a j o r pain in the behind.#so like. after i reran the sample post-first software crash… the boss’s favourite employee freakin’ remote-accessed the computer and#he did the results thing. and crashed the software. while a sample was being analysed. and the entire monitor!!! went!!!! dark!!!! when he!!#so. i ‘calmly’ and ‘rationally’ rushed out to the office area to give him a piece of my mind.#which. may or may not have involved screaming at him and slapping him. it’s too bad that i slapped him so loudly that our boss heard/saw it…#but. um. she didn’t call me out to screech at me in return. she sent him into the lab area to settle his thing himself in fact. so. hm.#i guess i’m able to keep my job for another week. maybe.#it didn’t stop my coworkers from making fun of me for slapping the guy though so b s#anyways ig i got my just desserts today bc i walked straight into the side of the door of an in-workplace bathroom stall at full force#and i think i bruised the side of my head… what goes around comes around ig……#idek what i’m even typing anymore i blame my head hurty for this#inedible blubbering
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the-punforgiven · 1 year
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Man, Metal: Hellsinger's still fun as fuck
Running a bit worse on my pc now though, not sure if that's because of some update that came with the dlc or because my pc's getting old though lmao
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so I just watched Batman '89 and I think Alicia should have been the one planning to kill Jack/Joker, as a treat
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redgoldblue · 2 years
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11, 24, 98
11. Don't Go Dark (Bleachers): now she's gone, now she's gone, now she's out of this world / it's like California dreamin' got the best of my girl
24. Bronco (Orville Peck): yeah baby, I'm on fire / i'm just my daddy's child / running something down the wire
98. Home (Phillip Phillips): if you get lost you can always be found / just know we are not alone / 'cause i'm gonna make this place your home
send me numbers and i’ll tell you my wrapped song it corresponds to and my favourite lyric from it!
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harleybarbarahandler · 6 months
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and if I said margot and cillian look hot together?
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dragonsxbutterflies · 30 days
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I want to work at a sex shop 🫣..
But not as a cashier or anything... I want to be spread on a table, ready for customers to try out any toys they're thinking of buying. They can stuff my cunt with all different sized didlos, seeing which one I react to most. Make me get on all fours and set me up with a fucking machine pounding into me as they browse the store, my moans like music for them to shop to. Compare a sex doll to my pussy so they can find the most lifelike one. Use me to test different lube flavours...
I get regular customers who don't even buy anything, they just come to fuck me and my boss allows it, enjoying the show from the cameras in his office. After we close shop for the day, my day of work isn't done because now it's my boss's and coworkers' turn.. 🥺💖
-- my favourite story from my old blog <3
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fingertipsmp3 · 1 year
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Forgot to even mention that my boss fucking managed to guilt me into taking a shit ton of random shifts and now I basically do not have any weekends free ever in my life and my social battery has drained so hard my brain is leaking out of my ears and it’s only Friday
#one of my coworkers is off for like 3 weeks to a month because her dad is terminally ill and she needs to go be with him#which i absolutely do not begrudge her and actually sympathise a lot because hiiiii welcome to the dead dad gang!!#it’s fucking terrible here!!!! so yes of course i will cover for you#but yes she’s one of the only people who’ll reliably work weekends (apart from me)#so basically to summarise i am fucked now#my boss has signed me up for i don’t even know what because i pretty much said i’ll cover anything#i’m doing SO many weekends just back to back. and a lot of thursdays and fridays as well#like hiiiiii i’m on a zero hours contract. how have i ended up working only like 8 hours less than full time LMAO#and it’s our busiest time of the year. kill me#it would help if i actually liked my coworkers but i’m starting to just.. really Not lol#like my favourite coworker is the one who’s off. and my manager is okay but she treats it like we’re running a military operation rather#than a cafe. the assistant managers would be fine if they stopped ribbing me. gerry is a moody bitch. i like josh and i like the old men#everyone else can sod off frankly#like i know they’ve already forgotten but embarrassing me pretty much gets you a one way ticket to my shitlist. so. good fucking bye#i just have to get through the rest of this month and then three more and then i might bugger off to the other side of the world#and do… something. idk what yet lol#personal
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skeletalheartattack · 8 months
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More kazooieposting because why not. What's your favourite stage theme?
let's see... with kazooie, it's probably clankers cavern because i just really like clanker. he's so cool and i like hanging out with him.
with tooie, while i feel like it's everyones favourite, it's gotta be witchy world. it's just such a fun world overall that it's hard to pick anything else.
#ask#anon#if i had to pick seconds for both? lets see... uhh...#maybe treasure trove cove? i feel like its a close second. just really nice level. except for the clams. fuckars.#theres a fun detail i noticed with treasure trove coves music#so theres a little segment in the tune that appears a bit late thats the exact same chord progression as bottles challenge music#and thats so neat to me because like. where do you go to get a few specific cheat codes? bottles minigame#and where do you put those cheat codes in at? treasure trove cove#its just a really fun touch#but ough... my boy clanker.... i cant pick favourites over my boy clanker...#ill get you out of there man. theres a huge sea out there.#as for tooie... terrydactyland? i always loved playing through its world#i remember watching a tier list recently and they had terrydactyland pretty low on the list. because of how empty it is#which is definitely a fair statement. but as a kid i didnt mind honestly#but really its so hard to pick anything over witchyworld. its music. its theme. the different areas. oughhh.....#i even like mr patch. except for like one part of his design that changes with his return in nuts & bolts.#beyond that. fun design. i like him a lot if we can ignore a part of his design.#i also like how proportionally large the interior of the big top is.#the only thing i dislike about mr patch is his actual boss fight. aiming. aiming eggs at his patches. and hes constantly moving about.#most hated themes? uhhh i cant really pick one in kazooie really. theyre all good even if rusty bucket bay sucks#tooie? probably glitter glutch mine. or jolly roger lagoon.#those two i never liked playing through really.#jolly roger lagoon scared the shit out of me as a kid. i hated the ominous deep hole in the middle of the lagoon#and the underwater segment sucks because so much of the level looks the same.#glitter glutch mine... idk what about it i disliked. it was honestly the one level i dreaded playing the most in the early game#its visuals arent the worst but. idk something about it i didnt really enjoy. maybe those damn fps segments.#anyway! thank you for the ask anon!!! :)
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hamsterclaw · 28 days
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You end up being responsible for Jeon Jungkook, who's impulsive, annoying and in the habit of breaking the law. Unfortunately for you, he's also funny and sexy as fuck. There's no way this can end well, can it?
Pairing: Jungkook x f!reader
Genre: Crack, smut, rookie lawyer reader and criminal JK
Rating: 18+
Word count: 11k
Warnings: Sex, swearing, criminal activity, smoking
Present day
‘Who,’ breathes Gracie, your new client, ‘the fuck is that?’
You look in the direction she’s facing, and die inside, as the black custom Skyline glides to a smooth stop on the road, in front of you.
‘Uh, so I’ll call when I hear back about the patents,’ you say hurriedly, before….
Too late. 
The passenger door opens, and you hear Gracie gasp audibly as she sees the man in the driver’s seat.
His wavy dark hair almost covers his eyes. He rakes his tattooed hand through his hair casually, his silver piercings gleaming in the light from the streetlamps above you.
You get in before he can say anything, shutting the door firmly behind you. 
‘Just drive,’ you say, through gritted teeth.
‘Seatbelt,’ he reminds you, but he’s already pulling away from the curb.
You buckle up and stare out the window so you don’t have to look at his ridiculously pretty face.
‘Nice skirt,’ he says.
‘Don’t talk to me,’ you snap.
‘Fine,’ he says, just to annoy you.
He flicks the music on, and the interior of the car fills with the pulsing synth of the early 90s house that he’s been into lately.
He’s a good driver, you’ll give him that.
By the time he pulls into the underground car park of your building, your head is pounding from the loud music he’s played the entire journey home.
You know from experience that if you complain he’ll just turn it up louder.
‘Did you get into anything when I was with my client?’ you ask, because you have to.
The lying asshole has the audacity to give you an innocent look. It’s surprisingly effective, he was born with the wide eyes and pouty lips required to pull it off.
You remind yourself again that Jeon Jungkook is not to be trusted.
You raise an eyebrow, and wait.
Finally, he says, ‘Nothing.’
You harden your stare.
‘Nothing,’ he insists. 
He kills the engine and you both exit the car and head for the lifts.
He lives in the apartment next to yours, and the only reason a rich asshole like him is in your building is because his rich parents have paid for him to stay next to you, as his appointed guardian.
It’s an unconventional arrangement which he’d only agreed to because the alternative was jail time. 
You’d only agreed to it because his mother is your boss at the law firm you work at, and it’s not just that you need the job, but you’re also one step away from becoming an associate.
Jungkook holds the lift door open with a booted foot.
‘After you,’ he says.
‘The doors are automatic, you don’t have to hold them open,’ you point out.
You know he knows this.
Anyone who’s ever been in a lift knows it.
Jungkook admires himself in the lift mirrors. You look away, but not before he catches you looking at him.
‘Like what you see?’ he asks, voice velvety.
‘No,’ you say flatly, turning away.
He snickers softly but says nothing else.
You reach your floor and sigh with relief. 
Finally. 
It’s been a long day, and you can’t wait to go home and recharge in the solitude of your apartment.
You can already feel yourself sinking into the plushness of your new sofa after a hot shower. It’s Thursday, too, so there’s a new episode of your favourite drama being released today, and there’s leftovers in the fridge….
Jeon Jungkook’s annoying voice interrupts your daydream.
‘I have to go out again tonight,’ he tells you.
One stipulation his parents made to your unusual arrangement is that you have to accompany him whenever he leaves the apartment after dark.
‘Why?’ you ask, letting your irritation show in your tone.
‘I said I’d meet some guys,’ he says. He holds his hands up as you glare at him. ‘It’s for business.’
You’ve reached your door. You think longingly of your sofa and your drama, and stifle a sigh.
‘I just need a shower and to eat before we go,’ you say, resigned.
‘Fine. I’ll knock in an hour, ok?’ he says.
You don’t bother to respond.
By the time he knocks at your door, you’re out of your work clothes and in sweats and a hoodie.
At his surprised look you raise your eyebrows at him. 
‘Am I underdressed for your business meeting?’ you ask, like you care.
He rolls his eyes. ‘I just thought you only wore business pantsuits,’ he replies, smiling sweetly at you.
Your stomach growls. You’d spent too long in the shower and hadn’t had a chance to eat. It’d been worth it.
You ignore it and lock your apartment door.
‘I’m ready.’
Jungkook whistles the tune from a newish pop song as you head for the lifts.
He’s annoyingly melodic, and now the infectious tune’s in your head.
You focus on not humming along as you follow him to his car and get in the passenger seat.
‘Seatbelt,’ he says, and you roll your eyes.
‘Yes, mum.’ 
‘You look and act like you’re 14,’ Jungkook retorts, navigating out the car park.
‘Where are we going?’ you ask, looking out the window, ignoring his comment.
‘Verve,’ he replies, casual.
You sit up. ‘What?’
Verve is the newest, hottest restaurant in town. It opened a month ago, and it’s still impossible to get a table.
‘I can’t go there dressed like this!’
Jungkook shrugs. ‘No one asked you to get into your PJs.’
You’re livid. ‘You should have told me.’
Jungkook shrugs again. ‘You didn’t ask specifically.’
You have to sit on your hands to stop yourself from punching his smug, pretty face. You catch sight of yourself in the rearview mirror and whip the towelling headband you use when you wash your face off your head.
You seethe silently in the passenger seat until Jungkook turns to you. 
‘Stop breathing so angrily.’
‘I’m sorry my essential functions are expressing unacceptable emotions to you,’ you gripe. 
‘That’s not normal breathing,’ Jungkook argues.
There’s a few beats of silence, then Jungkook prods your side. 
‘Don’t hold your breath either.’
You suck in an irritated breath and try to moderate your tone. ‘In the future I’d appreciate some notice if we’re going anywhere with a dress code,’ you tell Jungkook.
‘Fine,’ Jungkook agrees. ‘I like short skirts, if I may express a preference.’
‘You. May. Not.’ You say, clipped.
He just laughs to himself as he reverses effortlessly into a slot on the street outside the restaurant.
‘These guys,’ he starts, then breaks off. ‘Are you wearing a bra?’
You cross your arms across your chest defensively. ‘Shut up.’
‘Your tits look great,’ Jungkook says. 
‘Shut up!’
Jungkook opens the door to Verve, and you wait nervously next to him.
You can feel eyes on you, as soft and snuggly as your hoodie and sweats are, they make you stand out in all the wrong ways in this place full of people in discreet labels.
You shuffle self-consciously as the host arrives and gives you a none-too-subtle once-over.
He opens his mouth, and Jungkook says, ‘We have a reservation at eight, Frederic said he’d block out the terrace for us.’
The whole demeanour of the host changes at Jungkook’s words. 
‘Of course. You must be Mr Jeon.’ 
You find yourself being ushered through the restaurant and up a back staircase to a huge terrace with heat lamps, a glass ceiling and Koi pond in the centre of the terrace. 
‘What the fuck,’ you mutter. 
Jungkook gives you his greasiest smile, and you glower at him in response.
The two men he’s here to meet are dressed like mafia consiglieres, and they, like the host, look at you doubtfully as you approach with Jungkook.
‘My lawyer,’ Jungkook says, not bothering to introduce you by name or with any accuracy.
You’re a lawyer, but not his lawyer, and you’re glad for it because you have no obligation to keep any of his assholery confidential.
The mafia guys eye you with renewed respect, and you keep quiet.
‘Before we start, can we order? My lawyer here skipped dinner,’ Jungkook says.
You’re so surprised at his thoughtful gesture you stare at him. 
He ignores you, already looking through the tablet one of the men has handed him. 
***
The buzzing of your phone is insistent and pervasive, pulling you further and further out of the warm cocoon of the best sleep you’ve had in a while.
You’re floating on clouds, weightless and boneless and warm and in the distance you can see an angel, smiling at you. He’s got dark hair, a physique sculpted by Italian masters, and a tattoo sleeve…
What the fuck!
You bolt upright and your phone falls off your pillow, clattering onto the floor.
You pick it up and accidentally answer, only to be greeted by the grinning ass face of one Jeon Jungkook.
It’s a video call, which means…. 
He can see you!
With a horrified yelp you toss the phone onto your bed.
‘I’ve already seen everything,’ he assures you, muffled on account of your phone being face down in your sheets. ‘Now you’re awake, can I come over?’
‘What do you want, Jeon Jungkook?’ you snap, pulling your covers up to your neck.
‘I want your opinion on something,’ he says.
‘What’s the magic word?’ you ask. 
‘I’ll tell my mum you’re associate material….’
‘Please, don’t act like I don’t deserve that position off my own back,’ you reply, bored. 
‘I’ll let you watch me work out shirtless at the gym,’ he offers.
‘Like you’re going to be able to resist posting a gym selfie later,’ you scoff. 
‘Please,’ he says. 
You sigh. ‘Fine. Give me five minutes to brush my teeth.’
‘Don’t feel you need to put anything on, over that silky pink thing you’re wearing,’ Jungkook tells you.
You hang up without taking the bait.
When he knocks at your door, you give him an assessing look. 
‘Does helping you involve anything illegal?’ you ask.
‘I have a date. You’re a woman,’ Jungkook says, adding ‘almost’ under his breath. 
You scowl at him. ‘Go on, keep insulting me, that’ll make me want to help you more.’
He holds out a mug. ‘I made you coffee.’
You look suspiciously at it. ‘Did you roofie this?’
Jungkook scoffs. ‘Please why wouldn’t I want you to remember the best sexual experience you’ll ever have.’
‘Get out of my apartment.’
‘No, please,’ he pleads, holding up his hands in surrender. ‘I need your advice on which set to wear.’
You realise he’s also holding a garment bag.
‘Fine,’ you say, waving a hand.
You sip your coffee. It’s surprisingly good, but you nearly choke on it when Jungkook slips his shirt over his head and starts unbuttoning his jeans.
‘Wait!’ you shriek. ‘What are you doing?’
He looks down at his beautiful naked torso, feigning confusion. You know he’s faking because of the smug smirk on his face.
‘I need to try them on so you know what they look like on me,’ he says, innocent.
‘There are two bedrooms in this apartment,’ you say, stern. ‘Use one of them to change. Do not come out until you are fully dressed.’
Jungkook pouts but still flexes a little as he struts past you. You pretend not to notice how his back muscles taper into his slender waist.
As he gets changed, you consider what you might want for breakfast. It’s Saturday, so the brunch place down the corner opens earlier. 
Shit! Saturday?
Jungkook mistakes the expression on your face as a reaction to his outfit rather than your own internal screaming.
‘Shit. I knew it. Too much?’ he asks, turning around so you can see how the rips running up the backs of his legs in the jeans he’s wearing go all the way up to the edges of his boxer briefs.
‘No, you look like a sexy whore,’ you say absently, scrolling your calendar.
You look up to see him frowning at you.
‘And yet, you’re not looking,’ he complains.
‘I have a date tonight too,’ you tell him.
He looks so surprised you toss a throw cushion at him.
‘Are you lying because you don’t want me to think you’re a sad workaholic who’s been chronically single since university?’ he asks, with such accuracy you throw another throw cushion at him.
You wonder if that’s why they’re called throw cushions.
‘It’s a blind date,’ you say. ‘My friend Hyunjin set it up. Also I don’t give a shit what you think, at least he’s not an ex-con.’
Jungkook looks hurt. ‘I’m not an ex-con either,’ he points out.
Which reminds you of your arrangement.
‘We can’t both go on dates tonight,’ you say. ‘I’ll cancel.’
‘What, so you can blame me for being single forever? No way. I’ll take care of it. Where’s your date?’
Jungkook pulls his phone out of the pocket of his almost jeans.
You tell him the name of the restaurant.
‘I’ll have my date there too,’ Jungkook decides. He flashes you a smarmy grin that makes you throw your last cushion at him.
He’s already heading out the door. ‘Pick you up later and we can go together,’ he says.
Your door closes behind him, then opens again almost immediately. 
‘By the way,’ he says, holding up a pair of your silk panties. ‘I’m borrowing these.’
You fumble for something else to throw at him but he’s already closed the door again.
His infuriating laughter echoes in your ears long after he’s gone.
***
Jungkook’s taunts sound in your head as you get ready for your date.
You gaze in the mirror at your reflection critically.
Is your dress too short? Are your shoulders weird looking? And what the hell is happening with your hair?
You remind yourself that you can’t go another year of being single at your family’s annual get-together. You can already hear your  Auntie Rina’s probing questions, your cousin Binna’s smug comments, your brother Jin’s increasingly acidic barbs to anyone who tries to criticise you.
Besides, it’d be nice to meet someone who’d care if you were sick or who’d come over to chase away a spider if it took up residence in your bathtub. 
You purse your lips for a coat of lip tint and put the wand back just in time before the familiar, side-of-fist banging on your door starts.
At least he’s consistent, you think ruefully to yourself as you yell, ‘Coming, keep all your clothes on!’ 
You pull on your coat and belt it snugly as you slip your shoes on.
You nearly get Jeon Jungkook’s fist in your face as you yank open the door.
You duck at the same time he startles and says ‘Shit, sorry!’
‘It’s fine,’ you say, hoisting your bag on your shoulder.
You turn to go and realise he’s still standing by your door, staring at you.
You’re conscious of your heels and bare legs and that you’re wearing more makeup than usual. 
‘Spare me whatever is about to come out of your mouth,’ you say, spiky.
You’re honestly one rude comment away from going back into your apartment and your cosy couch. You still haven’t caught up on your drama.
You head for the lifts without looking to see if he’s following.
***
Jungkook holds the door open for you at the restaurant your blind date picked.
‘Do you have a reservation?’ asks the hostess. 
You give her your date’s name and she beams at you. ‘Right over here, follow me.’
She leads you to a table where a man is already sitting waiting.
He stands as you approach, and holds his hand out.  ‘Jang Junwoo,’ he says.
You introduce yourself and notice he’s looking awkwardly over your shoulder.
You realise Jungkook’s still standing behind you. 
‘Can I get you something, Jungkook?’ you ask, teeth gritted.
‘Nope,’ he says, cheerfully. ‘I’m just waiting for you to move so I can take my seat.’
You realise with horror that he’s indicating the table right next to yours in this cosy restaurant.
‘You’ve got to be kidding me,’ you say. 
Jungkook winks at you. ‘I hear the steak’s good.’
***
Jang Junwoo is kind of pretentious, you think, but then again a lot of these finance bros are. He spent a minute more than necessary pontificating over the wine’s bouquet, but he’s been polite enough to the waitress, and he has asked you a few questions about yourself.
Looks wise, he’s kind of your type, you think. He’s clean cut, tall and with a lean physique set off by his well-fitted shirt. He’s not got any visible tattoos or piercings, which is fine with you.
You’re not into that at all.
Beside you, Jungkook’s date, a petite bottle blonde in a low-cut dress with the best natural-looking cleavage you’ve seen laughs at one of his jokes.
She’s been laughing a lot, which is funny, because Jungkook’s really not that funny at all.
You realise Junwoo’s asked you a question.
‘I’m sorry,’ you apologise. ‘I missed what you said.’
‘He asked if you like to work out,’ Jungkook supplies helpfully from beside you, barely two feet away. 
He leans forward, and in a stage whisper, tells Junwoo, ‘I’ve never seen her in our gym.’
‘Stop eavesdropping on my date,’ you hiss. 
Jungkook continues, ‘But she looks good in athleisure.’
He smiles like he’s just helped you, and you turn pointedly away. 
‘I’m sorry,’ you apologise again to Junwoo. ‘I’m his court appointed guardian. It was this arrangement or prison, wasn’t it, Jungkook?’
Instead of looking put off, Jungkook’s date looks even more intrigued.
Junwoo, bemused, says, ‘Don’t worry about it. Should we get dessert?’
You split up with Jungkook after dinner when Junwoo suggests a nightcap at a bar nearby.
Jungkook assures you he’ll go straight home. 
Looking at the way he and his date are draped over each other, you don’t doubt it. Thankfully, your apartment building was built pre-war and the walls are decent quality.
Junwoo ushers you into the bar, and, alone together with him for the first time all night, you feel your self-consciousness return. 
You catch him looking at your thigh where your skirt’s ridden up and when he sees you’ve noticed, he smiles smoothly like it’s no big deal.
He orders another bottle of wine and you let him drink most of it because your tolerance is low.
His tendency towards pretentiousness is more pronounced when he’s tipsy, and it’s when he’s telling you about how you should try to experience genuine Lyonnaise cuisine that you decide you’ve had enough for now.
‘I should go,’ you say, smiling at him. ‘Thank you for a lovely evening.’
‘I’ll escort you home,’ he says. ‘It’s late.’
He pulls on his coat and offers his arm, and you take it because you’re three blocks away from home and you can walk it in under ten minutes.
When you reach your door, you turn and hold out your hand. 
‘Thanks again, Junwoo, it was really kind of you to walk me home.’
He takes your hand and shakes, but doesn’t let go.
‘Aren’t you going to invite me in?’ he asks.
‘Not tonight,’ you say firmly, trying to pull your hand away. 
‘I paid for dinner, and drinks,’ he points out, like that’s going to convince you.
‘You insisted,’ you counter. ‘Anyway, good night.’
He’s about to say something else but you don’t hear it because the lift dings and the doors slide open, and Jungkook steps out. 
His shirt is half undone, and there’s a big-ass hickey on his neck, but you’ve never been so glad to see him. 
‘Ah Jungkook,’ you say. ‘Did you have a good night?’
Jungkook pauses in front of you and Junwoo, eyeing the way your hands are still entwined.
‘Yeah, I did. How about you?’ he asks. 
‘We’re doing great, bro,’ Junwoo says.
‘Yeah?’ Jungkook asks, eyes on you. 
You swallow your pride. ‘Not great, JK.’
‘Yeah,’ Jungkook agrees. He makes eye contact with Junwoo. ‘You should get going, bro.’
Junwoo’s hand tightens around yours. ‘Yeah, bro?’
Jungkook shrugs. ‘You know why she’s my court appointed guardian? I’m not going back to Cheonan.’
At the mention of the notorious maximum security prison, Junwoo’s eyebrows rise. 
He squeezes your hand again, hard, then lets you go.
Jungkook stares at him the whole way as he leaves.
As soon as the lift doors close behind Junwoo, you sigh and slump against your door. 
‘Thanks, Jungkook.’
‘No worries,’ Jungkook says. He runs a hand through his dishevelled hair. ‘Guess my date went better than yours, huh?’
‘I shouldn’t have let that asshole pay. I knew he’d take it as an invitation,’ you say, ruefully. 
Jungkook looks at you. ‘Is that what he said? What an asshole. Jangmi told me not to expect anything.’
You look pointedly at the hickey on his neck, and he laughs but doesn’t say anything else.
You fish your keys out of your bag. ‘Anyway, thanks. Your timing was pretty good.’
‘Yeah I waited in the car outside for you and saw you guys arrive,’ Jungkook says.
You stare at him. ‘What?’
‘Wanted to make sure you got home ok,’ Jungkook says, yawning.
He’s already heading to his own apartment.
‘Hey,’ you call. ‘I didn’t know you were in Cheonan.’
Jungkook laughs. ‘Youth detention centre, not the prison. Spent four months there when I was 14.’
He’s reached his own door. 
‘Good night, Y/N. You looked really pretty tonight.’
He smiles at you crookedly and goes inside.
***
Six months earlier
You have no idea why you’ve been summoned to Jeon Mido’s office, and waiting outside in her secretary’s workspace isn’t helping your nerves.
You’ve been working for Albion for two years, and in that time you’ve never met her. 
Why would you?
She’s one of the founding partners of Albion, the biggest law firm in the city, and you’re a relative newbie hired straight out of law school two years ago. 
You’ve never had cause to venture beyond the tenth floor of this Albion-owned building, and now you’re in the penthouse.
The doors open, and Jeon Mido steps out.
‘Ms L/N,’ she says. ‘Please, come in.’
You take a seat in front of her sleek modern desk and wait.
‘Park Sejun tells me you worked extremely hard on your last case,’ she says, gazing at you. There’s a shrewdness in her eyes that reminds you that she built this law firm from nothing, despite her soft demeanour.
‘Thank you,’ you say.
‘You did an excellent job.’
You thank her again, wondering where she’s going with this. Is she about to dismiss you? Surely Park Sejun could have done that for her.
You haven’t done anything to warrant a promotion.
‘I’m sure you’re wondering why you’re here,’ Jeon Mido says. 
She sets her hands on her desk gracefully. 
‘I heard what you said about the defendant on your last case. He has a record, he’s been in and out of trouble since he was a teenager. Our client was the plaintiff and you did enough to ensure the win but you didn’t go for the jugular like some of your colleagues would have.’
You get a sinking feeling. Is this why you’re being fired? Because you didn’t completely annihilate your opponent?
She seems to be waiting for a response, so you compose your thoughts.
‘I knew we had enough to win,’ you say carefully. ‘I didn’t want to waste my efforts completely destroying the defendant’s credibility when his only mistake was that he relied on his staff instead of verifying things for himself.’
‘That’s not what you said, though,’ she prompts.
You think frantically but can’t remember anything you said that would have stood out, particularly. 
You sigh. If you’re going to get fired, you might as well come clean.
‘My brother Jin got in trouble when we were teenagers,’ you say. ‘He got mixed up with a gang and he was too naive to get out before the gang leader got busted.’
You’ll spare her the details. ‘Anyway, he’s got a criminal record now, and because of it he can’t get a ‘respectable’ job. He couldn’t be a lawyer like me and he’d be a hell of a lot better, if I’m being honest.’
You shrug. ‘He made a mistake but he’s still the best person I know. I guess the defendant reminded me of him.’
Jeon Mido’s looking closely at you, but hasn’t said anything. 
‘Thank you for hiring me,’ you say. ‘If you want my resignation —-‘
‘You’re mistaken,’ Jeon Mido says, finally. ‘I don’t want to dismiss you. I wanted to ask for your help.’
Which was how you ended up in a coffee shop with Jeon Mido, waiting nervously to meet her son.
Jeon Jungkook.
She’d filled you in on the details. He was her younger son, and he’d been in and out of trouble with the law since his teenage years for various things. Fighting, stealing cars, and even, hilariously, once for posing as a valet at a high society event and parking all the cars at the foot of Mount Samo for the illegal drag racers to take their pick. 
After his most recent infraction she and her husband had sat down with Jungkook and given him an ultimatum to clean up his act or be cut off from his family’s fortune. 
You were to be an additional factor to tip the scales in his favour. 
Her proposition that you be Jungkook’s unofficial guardian and try to keep him out of trouble had sounded ludicrous at first, you were barely responsible enough to look after yourself. You certainly weren’t responsible enough to become a glorified babysitter to a grown man with a history of getting his own way. 
The only reason you hadn’t disagreed to this insane-sounding plan outright was that Jeon Mido had built the very building you worked in, from the ground up, off her own intelligence, strength and force of will, at a time when successful self-made women in South Korea were virtually unheard of. 
Additionally, Jungkook had agreed to meet you so he must be somewhat willing to comply with his parents’ ultimatum. 
You’d been expecting a degree of charm and good looks in her son, Jeon Mido was an attractive woman, but you still had to stop yourself from staring when Jeon Jungkook arrived.
Tall, broad-shouldered and built like an athlete, he’d smiled at you and offered his hand, and you’d shook it praying your own weren’t clammy with nervousness.
He was so good looking he made you want to throw up.
If this was what a life of crime made Jeon Jungkook look like, it certainly suited him.
He flicked his tongue out over his lip ring, dark eyes on you, and you wondered what that tongue would feel like on your skin.
Fuck. 
Fuck.
You were fucked from the moment you saw him, and it was only much later that you realised how bad the damage was.
It’d started off innocently enough. He’d moved into the apartment next to yours.
You’d hung out together a bit to get to know each other, and that first week had been fine.
Then he’d said, casually, one evening, that he was popping out for a cigarette, and he’d be back in fifteen minutes.
It was three frantic days before you found him, in some seedy pool hall, drunk and blazed with a new tattoo and the keys to a Maserati he didn’t own in his front jeans pocket.
He’d made you fish the keys out yourself, and he’d giggled like a schoolgirl the entire time.
After that, you’d been more insistent about sticking to the stipulations his parents had laid out, and had accompanied him everytime he left the apartment after dark.
You’d realised what a mistake that was when he offered to buy you brunch and paid all in unmarked bills out of a duffel bag filled with stacks of cash. 
Jeon Jungkook didn’t confine his criminal activity to night times.
Fuck that shit.
Then there was that time he’d offered to pick you up from work in a new car you’d assumed was his parents’. The penny had only dropped when the police sirens had sounded behind you and you’d asked, nervously, if he should pull over.
Jungkook had taken one look in the rearview mirror, and said, dismissively, ‘It’s only one patrol car. I can lose them, easily.’
He’d proceeded to do just that in a high-speed car chase in a stolen car that spanned the busiest road in the city.
It’s the first and only time you’ve been on the seven o’clock news. 
On the plus, you’d found out that he really was as good a driver as he’d claimed. 
You’d gone to see Jeon Mido in her office as soon as your legs stopped feeling like jelly, ready to apologise and say you weren’t able to do the job you’d agreed to do.
To your surprise, she’d just encouraged you to carry on.
For his part, Jungkook’s always treated you with an irreverent kind of tolerance. He’s annoying as hell and you’ve learned not to trust most of what he says, but for all his sexual innuendo around you, he’s never once crossed the line you’d drawn in the sand at the beginning. 
He’s danced along it a few times, though.
By the time you’re six months into your year-long arrangement, you’ve reached an uneasy stalemate with Jungkook. 
Sometimes, you almost like the guy. 
Annoyingly, he’s also stayed as hot as the day you met him.
***
Present day
You haven’t seen Jungkook in a few days, so you text him to check on him.
You’re already trying to remember how to get to the strip club you found him in the last time he went missing when he texts back. 
Jungkook: I’m dying
He’s fucked with you enough times that you’re not all that concerned yet.
Y/N: Yeah? How?
Jungkook: The plague
You consider this as you plate your lunch. You lift a forkful of greens to your lips, then hesitate, and sigh.
Five minutes later you’re knocking at his door. 
He answers so quickly you wonder if he was waiting on the other side of it.
He does look like hell, to be fair. 
His nose and eyes are red, and he looks pale under his golden tan. He’s wrapped up in a duvet from chin to feet. 
‘I’m dying,’ he tells you, melodramatic as fuck.
‘Do you have a cold.’
‘It’s way worse than a cold,’ he insists.
You shake your head, but he does look worse than you’ve ever seen him.
You sigh. ‘When did you last eat?’
Jungkook’s already looking at you so hopefully you haven’t the heart to say anything as you turn back around and let him into your apartment.
‘Try not to infect me,’ you tell him, as you lay a place setting in front of him at your kitchen island.
Jungkook replies, ‘I got my regular tests done last week, all negative.’
You look at him in disgust. ‘With your cold, asshole.’
He leers at you, but it lacks his usual panache.
You serve out the food and sit down opposite him to eat.
‘I always use condoms, anyway,’ he says, after a moment. He winks at you, but it’s still half-hearted. 
You pass him a glass of water.
‘Drop the sex pest act for a few minutes,’ you advise him, helpfully. ‘No one’s fucking anyone in the state you’re in, anyway.’ 
He looks at you, and you can almost see him clicking through the repertoire of innuendoes he has in his head.
Finally, he says, ‘Thanks for this. It’s delicious.’
You tilt your head, pretending to be confused. 
‘Did you just say something without sexual connotations, Jeon Jungkook?’
His smile is crooked.
‘Don’t worry, I’m still thinking sexual things about you in my head,’ he assures you.
You laugh. ‘Shut up and eat.’
***
Jungkook starts to look a bit less like death warmed over after he’s eaten, but the clingy asshole’s parked himself on your sofa and shows no sign of moving.
You shrug and put on the TV. At least if he’s with you, there’s less chance of him being in that strip club where there’s no parking outside. What a ballache that had been.
You put on the latest episode of your drama and he perks up. 
‘I haven’t seen this episode yet,’ he tells you. 
His duvet’s slipped lower, and you’ve yet to see anything but his skin.
‘Please tell me you’re dressed under there,’ you say, warningly. 
‘Yeah but I can take it all off,’ Jungkook offers.
You don’t dignify that with a response, just pass him some flu meds and a bottle of kombucha and settle in to watch the show.
After the episode ends he still shows no sign of moving, so you put on a movie and pass him some snacks.
By the time the movie ends it’s dark, and when he asks you what you want for dinner you let him order takeout for both of you.
You eat sitting alongside each other on the couch as the next movie plays.
After a while you realise he’s fallen asleep, and that this is the most male company you’ve had in a while, and that you don’t hate it.
You don’t hate him.
In fact, in the dim light from the TV and with his mouth closed and his hair rumpled over his relaxed sleeping face, he looks….. 
Tempting.
Like the boyfriend you could have if you could ever get over yourself enough to date someone seriously.
For some reason that makes you feel a little sad.
That you’re so starved for male company you’re longing after your neighbour who’s only hanging out with you because you’ve made an arrangement with his parents. 
If you’re being honest with yourself, he’d probably have never shown an interest in you otherwise.
You pull the duvet over his shoulder, switch off the TV and top up his water and meds before heading to bed.
***
The banging on your door startles you and your elbow jostles the glass on the edge of your kitchen counter. It drops to the floor and shatters, and you think dryly that it’s a metaphor for how close you are to the edge of killing Jeon fucking Jungkook.
You yank open the door with a scowl.
‘Yes, Jeon Jungkook?’ 
He looks a little edgy himself. ‘I want to show you something.’
‘Is it your dick?’ you ask, tiredly, letting him in.
‘Always, but it’s something different today.’
You glance at the clock. It’s six in the evening. 
‘Watch out,’ you say, as he passes the kitchen. ‘I dropped a glass.’
He doesn’t even blink. 
There’s a nervous energy about him today, he looks like he’s buzzing out of his skin.
You follow him warily to the window that overlooks the street behind your building.
‘Are we looking out for the police?’ you ask, in a dramatic whisper.
He gives you a half-smile. ‘There were two plainclothes cops staking out the place all of last week. I think they’re dealing out of apartment 4B.’
You stare at him. ‘Are you serious?’
He scoffs. ‘How do you not notice these things?’
‘I never really have to worry about the police coming for me,’ you say, straightfaced.
‘Sucks to be you,’ he says, without his usual conviction.
He reaches down towards his jeans and your scowl returns. ‘Jungkook, I really don’t want to see your dick.’
‘Stop lying,’ he says, but what he takes out is a small black rectangular plastic object.
It’s about the size of half of his outstretched palm. 
You wonder where he’s going with this. 
He says, ‘Look.’
You both watch as a man in a business suit pulls up to a parking spot on the street, gets out and locks his car. The headlights flash, twice.
He heads into the apartment building opposite yours.
As soon as he’s out of sight, Jungkook hands you the tiny black rectangle. 
‘Press the button.’
You press the small grey button, and to your surprise, the car headlights flash again.
The car’s unlocked.
‘What the—-‘ 
‘It’s a car key cloning device,’ Jungkook says. 
He takes it back from you.
‘All I have to do is press it at the same time as the person locking the car presses their own key, and it clones the signal.’
He says, with more than a hint of wistfulness, ‘I could steal any car on this street.’
You’re shaking your head. ‘Where did you get this?’
‘I made it,’ he tells you. ‘I didn’t invent the tech, my friend did, but I made this.’
His eyes meet yours. 
‘Can you keep it?’
His words hang in the air between you. 
He mistakes your silence for hesitance. 
‘I just — ‘
He clears his throat and starts again. There’s pleading in his voice, a wild kind of spark in his eyes.
‘Can you keep it? I don’t want it to be this easy to steal a car tonight.’
You swallow past the lump in your throat. He’s never asked for your help like this before.
He usually goes ahead with whatever impulse he has and you’re stuck playing catch up.
Today, he’s given you a head start.
You take the device from him and stick it in your bra.
‘Don’t try to seduce me to get it back,’ you warn.
He’s already eyeing up your tits. 
He clears his throat again. 
‘Actually, I’m surprised you managed to fit it in there. Are you on your period? Your tits look huge.’
As usual, you don’t deign to respond.
‘I was going to make dinner,’ you say. ‘Do you want some?’
‘You can cook me dinner,’ he agrees, like he’s doing you a favour. 
‘But wait. Let me clean up that glass first,’ he says.
‘It’s fine,’ you say. 
He stops you. ‘Nah. Look at your hands.’
You hold a hand out, palm up, and he traces a callused finger along your life line.
Warmth unfurls along your skin, following the path of his finger.
You look up to see him looking at you, heat in his eyes. 
Your heart pounds, slow, and his tongue flicks along his lower lip.
When he speaks, his voice has dropped, low.
‘You’ve probably never even changed the oil in your car,’ he says, but he sounds affectionate, almost.
‘I wouldn’t want you to cut yourself.’
He smiles, and lets go of your hand. 
Your skin feels like it’s crackling with electricity from his touch, and god help you, you want more.
You don’t trust yourself to speak.
Jungkook says, very quietly, ‘You’re doing something for me, let me do this for you.’
Your eyes meet again, and you find your voice. 
‘The oven needs a clean, too, if you’re offering.’
He laughs, and just like that, whatever that moment was, ends.
‘I’ll clean your oven,’ he says, waggling his eyebrows suggestively.  ‘Put a bun in it too.’
‘You’re disgusting,’ you complain, trying to punch him, but he’s already too far away.
***
You’re balancing on the back of the couch on your tip toes, trying to reach the lamp shade so you can change the blown lightbulb in your hanging lights, when the now familiar banging starts on your door.
You turn too quickly, lose your balance and fall headlong onto the floor. 
The resulting crash against the parquet flooring is all the louder because Jungkook’s stopped banging on your door.
You roll onto your back, groaning a little as the wrist you held out to protect your face flares with pain.
Jungkook’s started banging again, and your phone, out of reach on the coffee table, starts ringing.
You can just about make out his name on the screen, and the ridiculous selfie he took of himself shirtless that he put in as his profile on your phone.
All the racket is enough to make you sit up and hobble to the door.
‘Shit, are you ok? I heard a crash,’ says Jungkook, wide-eyed.
‘I’m not good with blood,’ he warns, but he’s checking you over gently anyway.
‘What was so urgent you needed to bang on my door?’ you ask, grumpy.
He presses your sore wrist, gently, and you wince.
‘I got pizza and wanted to know if you wanted some,’ he says. He ushers you to your couch. 
‘I’m getting ice,’ he calls over his shoulder.
‘You could have texted to ask if I wanted pizza,’ you call after him.
He emerges with a bag of frozen peas you didn’t know you had.
‘But then I wouldn’t get to see your face,’ he protests. ‘Also, you never answer my video calls, not since I saw you in your underwear that time.’
You don’t bother correcting him. 
He wraps the peas in a towel and passes the bundle to you. 
‘Your wrist looks bad, you should get it checked out,’ he advises. 
You grimace. ‘I have a case coming up,’ you tell him.
‘Just tell them it was a sex injury,’ Jungkook suggests, helpfully. He offers you a hand to get up. ‘Come on, I’ll take you to the hospital to get checked out.’
‘Fine,’ you say. ‘Grab the pizza.’
***
You’re waiting to see the doctor with Jungkook and trying to ignore the fact that he’s pulled a burner phone out of his back pocket.
He glances around furtively and you’re craning your neck to look at the screen when your name is called.
The doctor who’s said your name looks at Jungkook. 
‘Mr Jeon,’ she says. ‘What is it this time? Another broken metacarpal from fighting?’
Jungkook’s face creases into a smile and you can almost hear the adoring sighing of men and women around the room.
‘Dr Lim,’ he says. ‘You know I don’t break my hand anymore since I started winning all the time.’
You gag at his corniness, but Dr Lim just smiles back. 
‘Well, you’re always welcome to get checked out for any injuries,’ she says. ‘You have my number.’
‘Did you save it on your burner?’ you ask loudly, but they both ignore you.
By the time you’ve had an X-ray and been told your wrist is just sprained, not broken, you’ve heard enough of Jungkook’s smarmy flirting that your ears are burning.
‘Yeah, I’m still going to the gym every day,’ you mimic, flexing your bicep as you get into Jungkook’s car. ‘Want to feel?’
Jungkook rolls his eyes. ‘I don’t talk like that.’
You give him your sleaziest grin. ‘Wow you have your name embroidered on your white coat? Amazing!’
Jungkook starts the car. ‘Still don’t talk like that,’ he mutters.
‘Yeah, let me take you for a spin in my Skyline sometime,’ you say, puffing out your chest and deepening your voice.
‘Seatbelt,’ Jungkook says. 
When you reach for the seatbelt and wince because you forgot about your wrist, he sighs.
You press back into the seat, startled, as he leans over you to fasten your seatbelt for you.
He pauses with his face directly in front of yours. 
He’s so close you can feel his breath on your cheek.
He leans forward and kisses you. 
It’s a peck, and over before you know it, but it’s enough to shut you up.
‘Stop being cute,’ he says. ‘Or I’ll kiss you again.’
He throws the car into gear.
‘Besides,’ he adds. ‘The only woman I’ve tried to impress with this car is you.’
You’re staring at him, still trying to process, when he adds, thoughtfully, ‘then again, I haven’t had this car very long….’
***
You’re trying to get your suitcase down from on top of your wardrobe when there’s a blur of movement in the periphery of your vision. 
You scream and hightail it off the ladder you’re on.
The spider you saw stops right above the corner of the ceiling where your suitcase is.
You’ve already dialled Jungkook without even thinking about it.
He answers with a lazy, drawled, ‘yo’, but his tone sharpens quickly when he hears your voice and panicked breathing.
‘Jungkook. There’s a spider holding my suitcase hostage,’ you whisper, dread in your voice.
‘Why are you whispering?’ Jungkook asks. You can hear the amusement in his voice, and for once you don’t care that he’s laughing at you.
You fight to regulate your volume. ‘It might hear me and attack,’ you say. 
It seems completely reasonable to you.
Jungkook laughs so loudly you have to hold the phone away from your ear. 
‘What does he want with your suitcase?’ Jungkook asks, when he’s re-composed himself enough to speak. 
He’s definitely laughing at you rather than with you, but you’ll take any amount of taunting if he deals with the spider for you. 
‘Please,’ you plead, ‘can you get rid of it.’
Jungkook yawns. ‘Ok. But don’t expect me to put on a shirt.’
A moment later he’s in your apartment, looking up at the ceiling at the spider.
‘Just grab the suitcase please,’ you say. ‘The spider can have this room from now on.’
Jungkook snorts. 
He grabs the suitcase and places it next to you, then, before you can work out what he’s going to do, he taps on the wall next to the spider and it runs down to the floor.
You scream and jump into his arms.
He really did come over bare-chested, the asshole, and the sweatpants he’s barely wearing are low on his hips, so it’s a little more indecent than you’d like, but there’s no fucking way you’re sharing the floor with a spider that can run faster than you.
Automatically, like he’s done this a lot, Jungkook’s big hand reaches down to support your ass. 
He’s still laughing. ‘Is this like, do you want to see my cat, but it’s a spider instead?’ 
You ignore his taunts and bury your face in his shoulder.
His laughter fades. 
‘Shit. Are you crying? Listen, don’t worry. I’ll get rid of it, ok?’
You’re too scared to look at the floor. 
‘You don’t even know where it is now,’ you sob.
‘I know exactly where that fucker is,’ Jungkook assures you. 
He’s probably lying but you don’t want to check for yourself.
He deposits you onto the bed and tries to peel your legs off his waist. 
‘As much as I want to fuck you, let me deal with this spider first, ok?’
At his words, you loosen your legs from around him and he pats your thigh. 
‘Stop crying. Stay here and I’ll get rid of it,’ he promises.
It’s several long minutes and muttered curses later before he returns, a little sweaty but with a glass of water for you.
He hands it to you and brushes your hair back from your face as you drink.
‘I didn’t know you were that scared of spiders,’ he says. His tone is gentler than you’ve ever heard it.
‘They bite,’ you say. 
‘They bite—-‘ Jungkook trails off, shaking his head.
Jungkook sits next to you on the bed. ‘I’m sorry I laughed at you.’
‘It’s ok,’ you say. You swipe at your tearstained face. ‘Did you get it?’
‘Promise I did,’ Jungkook says. ‘Cross my heart. That fucker isn’t bothering you again.’
‘Where did you put him?’ you ask. ‘In the bin?’
‘Nah. Chucked him out the window,’ Jungkook says. ‘Fuck Spiderman.’
‘Fuck Spiderman,’ you echo.
‘Listen, if you have a spider problem again just call me, ok? Or you can text if you’re worried the spider’s going to hear you. I’ll take care of it.’
Jungkook grins. ‘I won’t put a shirt on either.’
He leans back onto his forearms, and the way his abs stand out make you feel pretty tingly, you’re not going to lie.
‘I don’t mind you staring,’ he tells you. ‘I know I look good.’
You roll your eyes, but he’s been so decent about helping you that you’ll let him have that.
‘What’s the suitcase for, anyway?’ he asks.
You sigh. ‘It’s my annual family get together this Saturday,’ you tell him. ‘My entire extended family go to this beach house and we have dinner together and hang out. It’s been a thing since I was a kid.’
‘Sounds nice,’ he says, but his tone is incredulous.
‘It is nice,’ you say. You smile a little. ‘My grandma cooks and my brother Jin goes fishing and I have so many little cousins now.’
You get up. ‘Of course, there’s the usual round of relatives asking ‘why aren’t you settled down and having babies?’ And my cousin Binna’s a pain, but it’s only once a year.’
‘It’s too bad Junwoo was such an ass,’ you say. ‘I was hoping if I came with a date this year that it’d take some of the pressure off.’
‘I can help,’ Jungkook says.
‘For the last time, Jungkook,’ you say, ‘we are not having a baby together.’
‘Firstly,’ Jungkook says, ‘our baby would be so good looking. But that’s not what I meant.’
He looks tentative for the first time since you met him.
‘I can go with you, if you want.’
***
Your suitcase is by the door, ready to go.
You’re waiting for Jungkook to come by so you can leave together for your family retreat.
You’re not sure what to expect, if you’re being honest. It had felt like a good idea having Jungkook come with you at the time. After all, with the amount of time you’ve spent together over the last few months, he knows recent you as well as anyone.
He’d promised on pain of death and dismemberment that he would refrain from excessive sexual innuendo in front of your elders, but that was all you’d managed to get out of him.
You’re almost afraid to look at him when he knocks on your door.
You start from his feet, in the boots he’s favoured lately, to jeans with no visible rips that you can see in the front, to his fly which is done completely up, to his belt and then a white wife-beater over which he’s layered a black shirt.
When you get to his face he’s smirking at you. 
‘Spent a long time checking out my dick,’ he comments.
‘Just checking your fly was done up,’ you say, semi-truthfully.
He lifts your suitcase for you.
At your expression he says, ‘Don’t worry, you can pay me back by giving me a blow job whilst I’m driving us to the coast.’
‘Sounds dangerous,’ you reply.
‘Jagiya,’ he says, smarmy, ‘Danger is my middle name.’
‘Don’t ever call me that again,’ you threaten.
‘Princess?’ he wonders.
‘Shut up and drive, Jeon Jungkook.’
***
Jungkook’s driving is so steady that you fall asleep and wake only when he stops for petrol.
You look around, disoriented, and see him looking at you through the glass of the rear passenger window.
He opens the door. ‘Want anything from the shop?’
You yawn. ‘No thanks.’
When he gets back in the car, you say, ‘Hey, let me know what I owe you for gas.’
He snorts as he drives out of the petrol station. ‘You know my family owns the biggest manufacturing company in Busan, right?’
You shrug. ‘Money ain’t everything.’
He nods. ‘Yeah, money ain’t everything, if you’re just normal rich. I’m fuck you and all your ancestors rich.’
You say, lightly, ‘I’m never paying my share of takeout again.’
He laughs. ‘That’s what I like about you. You don’t give a shit.’
‘That’s not true,’ you protest. ‘How many people would have chased you across town to track you down when you stole that French ambassador’s diplomatic car?’
He’s quiet. 
The road stretches out in front of you.
‘I’m seeing someone, you know,’ he says.
‘What?’ you scoff. ‘Who’s dating you?’
‘Not like that,’ he tells you. He glances at you in the rearview. 
‘I don’t want you to have to be a crutch for me forever.’
Now it’s your turn to be quiet. 
Since that time when Jungkook came over to hand over his key fob cloning device, he’s dropped various things over at your apartment for various periods of time.
A pen drive.
The keys to his Skyline.
His burner phone.
Once, a black jewelled thong, but you think he was just fucking with you that time.
You cleared a drawer in your hall table for him, and things appear and disappear.
He doesn’t always talk about it, not like that first time. 
‘I’m glad you’re working on it,’ you say, sincerely.
You lean back in your seat. ‘You know you can always drop stuff off in the drawer if you need to.’
‘Oh in the drawer?’ he says, feigning surprise. ‘What about your spare room wardrobe? I left weed and maybe a couple of stacks in there.’
‘Fucking hell,’ you grumble, ‘No wonder all my linens smell like a college dorm.’
You’re both smiling.
‘Thanks for helping me out with this,’ you say. ‘I appreciate it.’
‘How come you couldn’t get one of those Yonsei dipshits to take you?’
You roll your eyes. ‘Firstly, you asshole, I went to SNU.’
Jungkook snickers.
‘Secondly, sad as it is, you’re the only man I’ve spent any time with lately.’
‘That’s what I mean,’ he says. ‘You’re hot, you put up with a lot of shit and you have an ass that won’t quit. How come you’re not dating anyone?’
You look out the window. ‘You’re right, I’m such a catch, why am I single?’
Jungkook asks, ‘Are you really bad in bed?’
You’d laugh if the turn of conversation wasn’t so depressing.
‘Yeah. I’m really bad.’
‘I wouldn’t mind if you were a pillow princess with me,’ Jungkook says. You think he means it as a compliment.
You say, just to move the conversation on, ‘Did you bring any snacks?’
‘Yeah,’ Jungkook says. He reaches into the center console and tosses you a pack of corn chips. ‘Please feed me too.’
You spend the rest of the drive placing corn chips into Jeon Jungkook’s filthy but admittedly beautiful mouth.
***
You and Jungkook are one of the first to arrive at the beach house. Your parents and Jin are already there. 
You’re worried Jungkook might be nervous about meeting your parents, but he surprises you again.
Once introduced, he chats easily with your dad about cars, and you can tell from your dad’s reactions that he likes Jungkook.
Jin nudges you as you follow your parents and Jungkook into the house.
‘Binna’s going to be all over him,’ he says.
Your cousin is beautiful, sexy and could flirt with a rock.
You shrug. ‘Don’t worry, Jinnie. You’re still the prettiest around.’
Jin says, crossly, ‘I wasn’t worried about that.’
You’re both distracted by the arrival of your cousin and her children.
The minivan pulls up almost to the entrance of the beach house, and your cousin Daeun jumps out.
‘Dasom superglued her hand to Jinah’s face,’ she announces grimly. 
She hands you baby Taehyun. ‘Can you watch the baby? I’m taking them to the drugstore to see if they can give us anything to get this shit off.’
‘Mama said a bad word,’ chants Dasom. 
‘I’ll drive you,’ volunteers Jin.
He ushers Daeun and the girls into his car. 
You look for someone to help.
‘Need a hand?’ Jungkook asks, popping up from behind you.
You huff. ‘Can you sort this car out?’
Jungkook appraises the minivan in silence for a moment.
‘Yeah,’ Jungkook replies, serious. ‘It probably won’t sell for much as it is. I’ll have to take it apart to sell it for parts.’
You glare at him. ‘I meant park it, Jungkook, not sell it on the stolen cars black market.’
Jungkook laughs incredulously. ‘Stolen cars black market? What even is that? Have you learnt nothing from the last year?’
Taehyun, in your arms, giggles along with Jungkook. 
You can’t believe you’re being ridiculed simultaneously by both a baby and the grown-ass man you’re babysitting.
Jungkook’s still chuckling to himself as he maneuvres the minivan expertly into the space beside his car.
You can see him through the window, the asshole.
***
Jin hadn’t been wrong about Binna being interested in Jungkook. To be fair, even happily married Daeun had given him a second look.
Even your conservative grandmother had looked past all his visible tattoos and piercings and declared him a good boy.
You’re pretending not to notice as Binna, sitting on the other side of Jungkook at the dinner table, leans into Jungkook’s arm as she reaches for the green beans.
Your Auntie Rina fixes you with a look. 
‘I’m so glad you finally found a man,’ she says. ‘We were so worried you’d be single forever.’
Beside you, Jungkook stiffens. 
‘I wasn’t worried,’ says your mother from opposite Jungkook. ‘Better no man than the wrong man.’
‘It’s true,’ sniffs Auntie Rina. ‘Who was that awful boyfriend of yours who kept asking if you really wanted more helpings? As though there’s anything wrong with your weight…’
You resist the urge to roll your eyes. She isn’t saying anything she hasn’t said before, to be fair.
Jungkook, beside you, nudges his full glass of soju towards you. 
‘Is your car the 2019 model outside?’ he asks your aunt. ‘I know a man who can fix it for you.’
‘Fix it?’ Auntie Rina asks.
‘Yeah. Looks like it has a flat tire,’ Jungkook says, wide-eyed, all innocence. 
Your eyes meet his, and you choke back a laugh. 
As soon as the conversation moves on you turn to Jungkook. ‘Does it really have a flat tire?’ you ask, under your breath.
Jungkook leans so close his lips brush your ear, making your skin prickle. 
‘I’ll make sure it does,’ he promises. 
After dinner, you excuse yourself to get some air and find Jungkook sitting on the steps leading down to the sand, behind the house smoking a cigarette.
You sit next to him. 
‘Thank you,’ you tell him. ‘I hope this isn’t too awful.’
He just smiles, exhales. 
‘I’m enjoying it,’ he says simply.
There’s a breeze blowing in from the sea, ruffling his hair. 
He’s so pretty like this you’d take a picture if you weren’t worried he’d never let you hear the end of it.
Jungkook reaches out, curls a finger in a lock of your hair.
He opens his mouth like he’s going to say something, but he doesn’t get a chance to.
You lean forward, close your eyes and kiss him.
It’s short and it’s lovely. 
You start to pull away, but he cups the side of your face and kisses you back.
His lips are soft, and he kisses you slow, like he wants to learn the shape of your lips with his own.
He hums, deep in his chest, as his lips meet yours. 
For all the crass sexual comments he’s made to you over the last year, Jeon Jungkook’s kisses are undemanding, sweet.
When he pulls away, you’re both breathless.
His cigarette glows on the step next to him, forgotten.
‘I knew I’d like kissing you,’ he tells you. 
You look down at his hand, somehow entwined with yours.
‘Are you holding my hand?’ you ask.
‘Yeah. You’re a little sweaty but I don’t mind,’ he tells you.
He laughs when you try to pull away. 
‘Do you want to come to my room?’ you ask.
He hesitates. 
‘I’d like to, but you know, I’m really good at fucking, are you going to be able to keep your voice down?’
‘Shut up, I’ve changed my mind,’ you say, getting up.
He tugs you back down. ‘Hey.’
He waits until you’re looking at him.
‘If you really want me there, I’d love to go to your room,’ he tells you.
For once, he sounds completely serious.
‘Yeah. Come.’
***
You’d been a bit worried it might be awkward, but true to form, Jungkook jumps into your bed and pats the covers like he’s the one inviting you into your own bed.
‘It’s my bed,’ you grumble, but he just laughs. 
He kisses you again, his mouth warm over yours. He tastes like the soju he’d been drinking, and he hums when you part your lips to taste more of him.
His tongue licks into your mouth, and when you run your hands over his shoulders he slips his shirt over his head. 
He stops you when your hands go to the hem of your top to do the same.
‘Can I?’ he asks.
You nod, and raise your arms to help.
‘Fuck,’ he murmurs. He’s staring at your breasts. ‘I’m going to need to cum on your tits as my last dying wish.’
‘Jeon Jungkook, shut the fuck up.’
‘Screaming my name already,’ he teases, but he starts kissing down the curve of your neck and the whine that falls from your lips is involuntary.
He hums approvingly as your arms tighten around his shoulders.
He dips his head between your breasts and then nips over the curve of your left breast.
He reaches around your back to unhook your bra, waits until you nod to undo it. 
‘Pretty,’ he says, then he’s sucking a hickey into your skin, laving with his tongue when you whine in protest.
He’s hard. You can feel him even through the layers of clothing as he grinds his hips on yours.
You tuck the tips of your fingers into the waistband of his jeans and tug. He kisses you again, then pushes up onto his knees on your bed.
He unbuttons, slips his jeans down, and holy fuck, it’s not like you haven’t seen him in his boxer briefs before, but it’s a whole different ball game when he’s looking down at you, heat in his eyes and his dick so hard your mouth waters at the sight of it.
No pun intended.
Jungkook pushes your hands away when they go to your own waistband.
 ‘Let me do it,’ he says. 
He tugs your jeans down over your ass and thighs.
‘Fuck,’ he breathes. ‘These silky panties look even better on you.’
You press a hand over his open mouth.
‘Shut up and fuck me,’ you say. 
You trail your hand over the length of him in his briefs, and then he’s moving fast, fumbling with his jeans.
He pulls out a strip of condoms and catches your eye.
You giggle at how ridiculous he looks, and a moment later, he’s laughing too.
‘How many times —‘
You’re cut off by his mouth on yours.
‘Many. I’ll fuck you as many times as you want,’ he tells you, breath hot on your cheek.
He nudges your thigh with his. ‘Spread.’
He fits himself between your legs and kisses you again. 
The blunt head of him nudges you, and you don’t realise you’re holding your breath until he’s in you all the way and you’re dizzy with pleasure.
He buries his head in your neck. 
‘Fuck. You feel so fucking good,’ he groans.
He moves, a slow stroke that makes you arch into him.
You moan his name, and he moves again, rocking his hips against yours, deep, hard.
You close your eyes but realise what a mistake that was when you open them again and see how beautiful Jeon Jungkook looks when he’s fucking you.
He hooks a forearm around your thighs and drags you to the edge of the bed so he can stand and fuck you.
Fuck, how have you never realised how strong he is?
He smirks at you, and you’d want to slap it off his face except he’s doing something with his hips now that’s making the pleasure spiral and you’re two short steps from —-
He lowers his mouth to yours again and then you’re coming, legs wrapped around his hips, his chest flattening yours, his sweat all over you. 
He murmurs what sounds like approval as he fucks you through it.
You gasp his name and he groans, fucking you harder, speeding up and then slowing until he comes, buried deep inside you.
He pulls out, yanks off the condom with a whine and ties it off, dropping it on the floor carelessly. He collapses down next to you, panting. 
For a moment you’re both quiet.
Then he says, ‘Shit. That was way better than jerking off with those panties I stole.’
You slap him on the chest. ‘Shut up, asshole.’
‘Stop flirting with me. I need a minute before we can go again.’
Jungkook grins at you but he’s still got an arm around your hips and his thigh slotted between yours so you can’t be too mad.
***
You wake up to bright sunshine right in your face even though you drew the drapes last night before you went to bed because Jeon Jungkook is halfway in your open window.
You sit up, confused as hell. 
‘What the fuck—‘
You can’t work out if he’s coming or going.
You get your answer then he drops into your room with a thud.
‘Sorry,’ he says. ‘Forgot to slash those tires last night.’
‘You didn’t?!’
‘Keep your voice down,’ he advises. ‘We don’t want her to know it was me.’
You’re speechless.
‘Did you seriously just —‘
‘Don’t finish your question so I don’t have to answer it,’ Jungkook tells you.
He’s getting undressed again, kicking off his shoes, staring hard at your bare chest half covered by the duvet.
He jumps back into bed with you and you greet him with another kiss.
His hand trails over the curve of your breasts.
‘Let’s not talk about it again,’ you say.
‘Yeah,’ he agrees.
‘Do you want to come on my tits?’
Jungkook groans. ‘Fuck, yeah.’
***
You’re back at home in your apartment unpacking when the familiar banging on your door starts.
You yank the door open. ‘You literally just left, Jeon Jungkook,’ you complain, before you realise he’s not alone.
Jeon Mido, Jungkook’s mother and your boss, is standing outside your door and you’ve still got sand in your hair from fucking Jungkook on the beach before you left the beach house. 
Jungkook adjusts the collar of his shirt in a vain attempt to hide the hickey you gave him.
‘I’m sorry,’ you apologise. ‘I wasn’t expecting you.’
Jeon Mido smiles graciously at you. 
‘Jungkook tells me he met your parents over the weekend,’ she says.
‘They liked him a lot,’ you tell her, wondering where she’s going with this.
She nods. ‘Good. I thought maybe you’d like to come to dinner with us tomorrow night. My husband would love to meet you.’
You’re so surprised you can’t do anything but accept.
Jeon Mido smiles at you and takes her leave.
You turn to Jungkook. ‘What was that?’
Jungkook shrugs, shaking sand out of his jeans pockets. 
‘She’s always said she wants to meet my girlfriends.’
He’s not looking at you directly, and the tips of his ears are red.
‘What?’
‘I don’t know,’ he says, finally.  ‘I’ve never had a girl I’m dating meet my parents before.’
‘We’re not dating!’ 
He’s looking at you now. ‘Aren’t we?’
The way he’s looking at you gives you pause.
‘We see each other every day. We hang out at each others’ places. You help me with my problems and I help you with yours. I’ve met your family.’
He smiles. ‘And you’re the most fucking amazing girl I’ve ever met.’
You stare at him.
‘Unless,’ he continues, ‘you just want to be fuck buddies. I’m down with that too.’
He looks like he’s about to turn away so you grab his arm and tug him towards you. 
‘Ok, Jeon Jungkook, I’ll date you,’ you say.
He nods. ‘I thought so.’
He leans down so you can kiss the smug smirk off his face.
©hamsterclaw 2024
With thanks to bloviating-vy for introducing me to the phrase 'fuck you rich' and the works of Smashy for the immortal phrase 'Yonsei dipshits'.
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bodhrancomedy · 5 months
Text
Guess who's on TV!
(Well, iPlayer until the 15th, that's when it airs on BBC One)
Hope Street episode 3.11, let's go!
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First of all, I'd say they did me dirty with this picture, but my university ID was exponentially worse.
Onto the spoilers!
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Our boy Matthew has arrived in Port Devine, looking a little concerned.
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For good reason when he's suddenly confronted by this lad, Dara.
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Ah, a fight which Matthew escapes by slipping out of his coat. (Pretty sure this is the take where we ripped it practically in two...)
Dara's questioned, he claims he's never met Matthew in his life. Hmm.
Police do some investigating (and some character stuff) before Dara makes his way to Matthew's mother (Louise)'s house to have a wee showdown.
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They both in a gang and Matthew's stolen a gun. Dara needs to get it back...
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Matthew's nay having it. "This is my way out. If they want the gun back, they have to let me go."
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Another fight. The gun goes off! (Poor Pete and I were convinced after take one to put some padding on. My arm looks bulky because I'm strapped up with squishy stuff and allergic to plasters so it has to be in a sock)
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Thank fuck no one was hurt. Dara gets the hell out of dodge -
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Leaving Matthew to contemplate his mortality. And other people's, but mostly his own.
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"Oh fuck, my bosses are gonna find me and murder me, oh shit. I'm far too young and pretty to die!"
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Time for Matthew and Louise to follow Dara's example and get the fuck out of here.
The police are now on the Halbridges' trail, but they discover the phone tracking them and leave it in a field.
Meanwhile, Dara's been arrested for drug dealing. He refuses to talk, clearly nervous.
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Ah, what's this on Dara's phone? So Matthew and Dara have been in a relationship for over a year now.
(The poor intimacy coordinator having to walk me through my just about second kiss in my entire life. And the third. And the fourth. And the fifth... Pete is a very sweet person. Made it all funny.) ("Relax your hand, Bodh. Just relax it. Open - open your fingers, just let me position your hand.")
They're both working for the same gang. Matthew was given the gun to hold onto by their bosses' and freaked out, running away with the weapon. His plan was to trade his freedom for the gun, but Dara was sent to get it back for the Brazier Brothers, notorious drug runners and gang leaders.
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These guys.
Unfortunately, now Dara's had to tell the Brazier Brothers that Matthew is refusing. They're going to kill Matthew and then Dara. Oh no.
But Dara has an idea where they might be hiding.
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At the caravan there's a standoff between the police and Halbridges. But when the Braizer Brothers are arrested, they're convinced to come out.
(Side note, my favourite picture of me, ever.)
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Oh no, the Halbridges are going to jail and Matthew's regretting his life choices.
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Matthew walked off to his new life inside a jail cell.
The end.
(This is where Niall Wright accidently sublexed my shoulder. To be fair to the man, I'd never mentioned it and he took his finger sliding in-between bone like a champ)
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Look, it's me!! I was on TV! Bit sad they cut pretty much all the uses of SSE (weren't allowed BSL because we still had to speak the lines), but I got to be queer and Deaf so that's pretty nice.
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